comb.io - Clips

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time!

We're about to learn the winner of the bet.

And he's in this envelope. They cut off one of my dimensions! No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us! (RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty? It's a phone call, dingus.

Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.

"Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play." It says nine of them are gonna be okay.

Don't you wish you were flawless like me? A towering inferno of physical perfection? I hate to pop your blimp-like ego, but you are not perfect. Am so. Are not. Is too! Says who? Says the only human whose opinion I even remotely respect.

blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good.

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me.

Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

That's her, Officers. That's the woman who programmed me for evil. Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

(LAUGHING) I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt.

Not even if you were the last man on Mars. Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas?

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

Whoa! Huh? I'm getting dizzy. I can't walk straight. Whoa!

Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave... at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery, buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe.

Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over. (CHIRPING)

Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

(DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty?

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette. That twizzler! As for me, I went temporarily insane... and wound up here, making pies out of shoes.

Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

There you go. What have I done?

Mom, Dad, don't ask me to choose! They're not your parents, I'm not your sister... and that's not your golf cart. Aw!

They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

When will they learn? Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story.

Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action.

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say...

Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap.

Let the games begin! Everyone, listen! Damn!

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

(GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine.

(BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up. Leela, where are we? We crashed on an uncharted planet. When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can.

(GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone?

Yee-haw! Bow before your master, puny mortals! Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee! Mommy? Why is that man like that? Don't look at him.

I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry! - Well, so long. - Wait!

Oh, God! What? What? What is it now?

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes. Now that's what I call fine print. Okay, but good luck making a girlie calendar with only two female employees. Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job.

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

(SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Yes, I can. We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do

You're not acting hard enough!

In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh!

You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim.

(WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry?

And I can't take life anymore!

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long, and he got squished up against the side. Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out.

My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity!

LEELA: Flight attendant's log. We've crashed near a river of mercury on a lifeless mineral world. Supplies are low, cannibalism imminent, radio busted. Our one hope is to form a society. Okay, then. Men, let's get hunting. The womenfolk can cook what we catch. No one put you in charge, Husband.

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING)

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty. Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity?

I look up at the sky, and I get this feeling... that somewhere on some unknown planet circling a distant star, my parents are up there, looking down on me.

My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries. Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur,

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out. I don't know which I'm more-- enraged or disgusted. I'm just out there making us ladies look good.

Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

We ruined! NO-O-o!

in all the world, I couldn't find a diamond good enough for you, but then I found one out there among the stars, the beautiful, affordable stars. (GASPS) You mean, when you disappeared up on the comet... Exactly. I thought you snuck off to take a dump. A man can sneak off to do two things.

Oh, yeah! Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies!

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING)

with no surprises whatsoever. There's the tip-off. Globetrotter ball! Sweet Clyde Dixon to Bubblegum Tate. Drives down court. And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus. Shh! Who dares laugh at the jesters of dunk?

Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

Pay dirt. Lovely, isn't it?

There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me. Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) A freshly dug robot grave.

And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings.

(EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this!

scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots, valuable appliances, even janitors.

Santa Claus is gunning you down.

Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"? Yep. Uh-huh.

There you go, dearies. It's a relief to meet you, Amy. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future. I'm from Mars. I feel so out of place here. I don't understand why Fry fits in so well.

Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet. I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful.

Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Duh, duh, duh! They went this way!

Your best is an idiot.

(TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING)

Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box. Hello, I'm Leela captain of the Planet Express delivery ship. We've come aboard to plead for your assistance. Well, if there's anything--

Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh!

- (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING) The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops.

right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me. (GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man. Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated.

Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending.

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up.

Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

I'm not actually 150.

There it is, the stately capitol of Fry's bowel-- a heavily guarded fortress surrounding the pelvic splanchnic ganglion.

Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

Rejected! (BUZZES) What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot. Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box!

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer!

So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks.

Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

Is it part of the opera? Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked. This has to be perfect.

(GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no. I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise.

C... B, Nail! Final answer!

Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead.

He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that-- Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it!

Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure.

Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin' Oh!

Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered! I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk.

Give me back my floppy face!

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

(SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind. True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor. But you know what would really stink? If Marianne spent her whole life never knowing the beautiful scent of her own flowers. (GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help!

Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees. Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey.

With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys

Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency. We must warn the mayor. Garbage ball, huh?

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian?

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on. (SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with.

You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall!

Robots don't have bathrooms.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks!

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience.

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit. I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender. And don't skimp on the nasty.

I sure wish they could come with us. (ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes?

Episode 10. "Balance of Terror."

You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching... At any rate, I certainly wouldn't harm the child. You scored big points tonight, sir.

That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me?

I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. When I grow up, I want to be a diplomat!

After all the good news I've given you over the years? Well, if you don't want Bessie, you don't want me. Goodbye! Don't worry, shippums,

To radioactive vapor! Aah! Hey-- Aah! Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard,

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much.

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you. Aha! There's the cause of your illness. Hey, that's my watch.

My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines. Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription.

Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother!

That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what?

The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate.

Good news, everyones. After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe. What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books?

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job.

Smell with your eyes what I see with my nose. (ALL GASP) Well, well, well, what have we here? Seriously, what is that? It's whoever or whatever just emptied out your safe. All right, shoot him, Blind Joe.

Previously on All My Circuits.

(SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans!

It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify.

Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted!

You can use the floor, and I'll have the ceiling. See? Kif, you have so much creativity and niceness, but I'm not sure if I-- Hush. Before you answer, come thither.

And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus. Shh!

Thursday, baby shower-- enter. Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

I don't even have room to hang my clothes. Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes and you're not taking them off while I'm here. Well, I'm bushed. Good night. Wait. Bender? Bender?

Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices.

Hmm. This may seem like a huge coincidence, but I happen to have an in with that whale. Scruffy's formulated a plan, but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish.

Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING)

Interesting. You wish to cook, but as a robot, you have no sense of taste. Oh, it's so unfair! I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste. You don't understand. Without the distraction of taste,

(LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me? I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum. Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go!

Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical."

but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again.

I'm going for a scuttle.

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

What do you Neanderthals want? We want our land back! Also, to be treated as equals! And a little mating wouldn't hurt!

I'm going to bam you up a dinner you'll never forget. All right! Oh, yeah! Great! Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down!

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump.

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender?

No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right.

It was Zoidberg!

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING)

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock. He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it. Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones, there'll be no stopping him. Tonight, Mr. Peppy must die.

Tell them I hate them.

The captain's table. What an honor.

(LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots, and as a precaution, I made you incapable of picking up the free will unit. You precognizant bastard. I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you.

(DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

Ah, this thing stinks. We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk. I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty.

Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Aw, it's all my fault! Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

Brace yourself for the worst. And yet he looks so natural.

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee!

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back. Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy.

Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

"Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD. Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before...

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere. But we wish you Godspeed.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill.

To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue.

Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come? Yeah, okay. What's the weather like? The usual. Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

According to government records the only names not yet trademarked are Popplers and Zitsels. I know-- We'll call them Popplers. You sure picked it. Swish. Call them what you want. I call them a free meal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Sigmund.

And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

Hallelujah, baby. Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna...

Bless you, sir. So, Bender, tell us about this new girlfriend of yours. I intend to, through the lost art of the toast. To Angleene! She's got it all-- looks, charm and the love of a fabulous bending robot.

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime. Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad?

Whoo-whooooo! Waaah! Leela, you can stop winning now. We won.

Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks.

Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges, they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency. It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe? You know I didn't.

I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard!

I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh-- Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here. Yeah. It's pretty romantic.

Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking!

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

Who else has a question for the what-if machine?

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money!

Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay?

I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Assembling machinery pays well. I'll have to start at the bottom. But Fox already said no. I mean live theater!

I'm really sorry I lied, Beck. All I ever wanted was to make music with you. I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone. Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check?

You've earned it. Well, maybe just a taste. Mmm! Now, that's a grand old flag! All right, Zoidberg! I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like.

I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis.

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes.

Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right?

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn,

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her!

(LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate. What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus?

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy.

Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship.

The murderer. It was...

Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry. But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out. Yeah, but he might get kind of upset. I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater.

How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma. We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time. My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

No! No! No! No!

But don't worry - be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish!

It was brisk. I dressed in layers.

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on. No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom...

(ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans!

I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet! But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk. Poor? Aw, crap. Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Then show us your Earth whatchacallit. Long-form certificate of live birth. (SIGHS) What would it take to convince you people? Would I have to have been born right before your eyes? It wouldn't hurts. Hit it, rubes! (CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here! Eh, I'm still working on that one.

You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there.

Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back!

Kif? Ooh, Amy, you're back. Another hour, and I would've thought about hanging up. Why didn't you just leave a message, sweetie? Well, um, I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine, but you never seem to get them. Bender! It's not my fault if you don't check me.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im!

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom.

I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space. You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food. Right, Boxy?

(CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day!

Over my dead body. Uh, never mind.

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader.

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Ugh! Aw! You sure you won't come to your mom's wedding? There'll be chicken or fish, circle one. I can't. Not when I believe with all my heart that this marriage is a mistake.

That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help.

I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.

Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do! My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes.

Her Slurm will taste foul. Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm." Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh.

Mom on deck! Ten... Ho! All right, grunts, here's your pre-mission pep talk. Shoot anyone who doesn't obey hard enough. But...

What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose. Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade.

but you've fallen in with a bad crowd. I know, right? Also, I've decided to drop out of school. Well, I got my tuition back, minus $9,000 for the damage I caused to the dean's wife. Yo, welcome to the gang, Homes.

You told them about that?

Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one! Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years.

If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered.

Pretty good. Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams.

We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally.

Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late,

Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this?

(BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

All right, I'll go. Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela.

It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window.

Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already?

Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job.

Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto. Aw.

Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard.

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather?

There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no!

Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop. (WHISPERING) Keep going.

(KIDS LAUGHING) (GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet.

Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy, but this is the dangest wang I ever doodled. Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING)

Ooh! Heirloom eggs? That's so life-affirming. I'll bet you run your own hatchery, just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife.

I find it offensive.

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

I said that's enough. Get her purse!

I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this, the ship moves.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten--

(BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal. Well, if that new guy can't handle things, give me a call.

I'm too short to reach the hand brake!

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

All right, boys and girls, enough fun. Your old friend Leela is back with a brand new story. Hi. It's great to be back. I think you'll enjoy this one. No! Please. Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump.

Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off. Well, I'm gonna take action. It's time to check on my retirement fund.

Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat.

Roger that. I got a map of the ship right here.

with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork. And now, Chairman koji will present... the theme ingredient to be used in every dish today. If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me.

All My Circuits is brought to you by...

Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much.

My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything?

feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny! And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true?

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist?

(GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube. (CHOMPING) I, too, was on Earth that day, on my mission to ensure Fry's successful transport to the future. But I recall no such music. I always forget that he can talk.

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser.

All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today.

No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh?

(LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP) I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want.

Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both.

Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth. Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you,

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes.

'Cause I'm here to get involved in it.

I will destroy you!

Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

So? I look at lots of atoms. Shouldn't you be resting up for your shift? Oh, you'd like it if I went to sleep, wouldn't you? Whatever it takes to shut your yapper. No, I'm just kidding. You're a joker. Yeah? Well, here's a funny joke--

Mmm-uuh! Uuh-aah!

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk?

You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point. What we need is an old-fashioned pine tree. Cram it, Virginia. Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years. Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes.

My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise. They will not eat everyone on Earth. I filled up on nuts at the negotiation.

Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh! Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza. You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude.

I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention.

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

Oww! All right, team. let's go find that clover. Which way to your house? The sign says we're at 71st Street.

And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang? Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver.

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

This is so unfair. I liked you back when you were a cyclops. That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy.

but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you?

That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all.

Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year!

Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too!

I said the greatest actor, Langdon Cobb. Let's rewind, shall we? NARRATOR: Langdon Cobb, the most acclaimed actor of his generation. Why's he wearing a bag on his head? They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.

I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps.

What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water. (EXCLAIMS) That's the worst thing I've ever seen! Really? Then don't look over there. Whee!

Well, I must admit it's not bad. And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine. Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back.

Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over. Where's the ice cream? There was a bear.

A floor? We live like kings!

Found you. Okay, now you go hide.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too.

Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old.

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn

Quickly, into the sewer hole. Why?

(SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School,

Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

- When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea! I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods...

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell.

We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money.

I'm gonna get my puppy back! In your face, Grim Reaper!

At least it's something to distract me from Leela. Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

My God. It's so... repulsive.

(ALARM BLARING) What's happening? The phone's been disconnected, the ship's repossessed, and Zoidberg's getting overcooked! This place never changes.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox,

nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move.

The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours. (CHUCKLES) Damn, I'm good. Now, may I please have that cheese log?

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves. Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep!

If man is still alive If robot can survive They may find In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived

Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray!

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older. Not if you don't freeze me. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you.

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

My God. A million years.

Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh.

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking!

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it.

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred...

Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need--

Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING)

But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day oh, keep smiling through

I've got to stop this reverse aging...

But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life.

The point is, one vote can make a difference. And even though it won't I'm still taking you to get registered. Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register.

They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing.

ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels. Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window.

Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm...

Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out! You haven't heard the last of...

Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God!

But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah.

You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment. You're looking less nuts, crabby. I'm feeling less nuts, thank you because tomorrow, I will be depositing my jelly in the cloacal vents of a female if you catch my drift.

No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax.

All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag.

Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me.

I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send. Naturally, I'll have to assign a bureaucrat to fill in for Hermes while he's away. I assign me. I accept. Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah!

Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history...

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead?

And then Bender ran.

man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

Aw. I'll fire up the grill. I hope he'll be okay in there with all those big animals.

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty!

I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha! No-o-o! Aaah!

Ndnd, there's something I've got to tell you. What is it? Is there someone else? What? No, no, it's about this takeover of Earth.

Hurray! Hurray!

It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol. Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles.

We sometimes called it a jogging suit. The traffic jams of old New York were a public forum for the free interchange of opinion. Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah.

(GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death? Yes, and I begged Zoidberg to put me out of my misery.

I can't quite read the sign.

I'm from the vampire bank that burned down. I have what remains of the contents of a safe deposit box belonging to a Bender B. Rodriguez. Thank you. Bender's medal. It melted in the fire. Wait a second.

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner.

Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms!

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened.

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret!

I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe. Oh, snap! On this auspicious occasion,

Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole. Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM)

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo!

No! While you await your "friend," allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting.

So far, so good. Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

Ooh, look! There's a smidge of toe still in here. You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy mineral shell, there's still a creamy core of dog nougat. So will Seymour remember how to sing "Walking On Sunshine"? Amazingly, yes.

I must really be... in hell! No, Mr. Smith, you're not in heaven or hell. You're on an airplane. There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed.

(SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business,

I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong.

(GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

Holy-- Gee! That smell could be anything-- a faulty stench coil, some cheese on the lens, who knows? Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune. Giant garbage ball...

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

What? Lord have mercy!

Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry!

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we?

The very instant I became old. Mmm! Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks.

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish.

Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no!

You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish.

Stop! No! Moron!

You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another. True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

No, it wasn't me. You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

(FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer. Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open.

No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt. If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil--

I think Vaxtron brings an air of edgy detachment to the show. Who is she? Don't worry about it. Not important.

He's so polite.

Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy. What?! It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder.

shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots! No! Wait! Surely there's a better-- The conference is over. I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all!

Don't eat my butt!

I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

If something goes wrong bring back the blood. Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Good luck, Bender!

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

But I've never picked cotton or been on top of Old Smokey or worked on anything all the livelong day, let alone a railroad. Then go live among the railroad men, why not? You'll come to understand them, just as I now understand the ape-men of Earth. As stupid as Zoidberg's idea is, it's brilliant when I have it.

Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

It wasn't supposed to do any of those things.

This actual peace treaty is hereby enacted. Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING) (ALL CHEERING)

You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun? People, as you know, our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right.

So... how's business?

You did it, Fry! Did what? People, it's far, far worse than we thought.

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin. Stop, this is cruel and inhumane. Well, now, in all my years as a hunt master, I've never seen anything like this.

Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore. I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah! What the--

Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap.

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

I'm broken again. I can't move any part of me. Good.

I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here. I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots. Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots? Or does that confuse you?

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot.

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back!

No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

(ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be!

Then we choose the cuddly-uddliest ones... and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff. So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle...

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING)

That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Please, just a few days. Well, it would give us a chance to get to know each other. The beast lives for now. Thank you, Angus. You're welcome! (YAWNING)

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio...

You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

Amuse your friends with real vomit! Throw your voice! Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum.

I find both genders supremely disappointing. The real reason I administered this bizarre, outer space test was to teach you to work together. But you couldn't. Thanks to you, I lost my bet with the Borax Kid. Never bet against me being stupid. ROCK ALIEN: Enough! Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony.

(MUTANTS CLAMORING) Two! Four! Six eyes! The mutant people will arise!

Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny. But he gave me his jacket. Look!

Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS)

(GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD)

(EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father. But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say?

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

Mom, if you try to marry Zapp, I will shove you into a filthy nursing home so fast you won't know what hit you. Probably, it'll be a filthy nurse. Leela, you're my daughter and I love you, but cram it! Is this a bad time?

They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you. Let us in! Fry must die so that Bont may live.

I don't know. I'm feelin' pretty good about it.

This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years! Psst. Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death,

Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error. You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me?

My God! I can rule the universe! Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it!

Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times.

I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Also, mine has air conditioning.

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman.

I'm telling you-- Leela was cool, she was in command and when she kicked people, it hurt. It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment. It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment.

Oh second thought, I'll take that one. Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment. Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela.

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey!

Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mama. Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it.

Get 'im, boys! Good move.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt?

Well, I think we can do better. This year, I'm going to get involved in the political process and make my voice heard. What? Welcome to Debate 3012,

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine. KIF: Mayday! Mayday!

Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff. Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset?

(BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar! You'll have to kill me for it! (EXCLAIMING)

I know how it feels to be alone.

Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh.

So if everything seems to be in order, we'll be on our way, a'ight? Oh, it's far from a'ight. MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right? It's a Crud and he's got a gun! Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror. It was self-defense.

Oh, yes, he does.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it. I'll be back soon.

If anyone asks, I'll deny it.

Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me!

By a vote of six to three,

Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS)

This is so beautiful!

This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS)

I'm not very smart. I appreciate your candor. I don't even know what language you're speaking.

First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here?

(SCREAMING) (BABBLING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE)

"Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs. Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough!

I think you mean hit me. Everyone knows my secret, but no one cares. I have nothing to hide anymore. Fry, thanks to your selfish rudeness, a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart. SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted.

Men, five, women, less.

(STATIC CRACKLING) (EARTH SHUDDERING) Soon the world will come to a stop,

Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

I heard you from my room. What's wrong? Nothing. It's just... No, Leela. I don't want to see tears in your perfect eye.

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums,

Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there, but I want each of you to know what an honor it is to work with me. Sweet ego of Montego! Someone build a wind farm in front of her mouth!

Oh, my! And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH) He's a terrible father.

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus-- What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift.

Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock. Indeed, it's pure diamondium.

Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful.

Exciting news, people!

Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING) WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy (BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump

(ALL GASP) Objection! I'm not crazy.

DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone,

Are you familiar with this particular location? I may have a burgling familiarity with it.

Welcome back, Lord Nibbler, Ambassador to Earth, home world of the pizza bagel. Thank you. I bear many receipts for reimbursement.

I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them! Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action.

requiring such vast amounts of electricity... that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself! I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

I don't know. I mainly hang out in here. Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder. I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it. Now I'll convert that guitar image to a wire-frame model. There, like so.

Stay here. Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it?

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes?

Pizza dinner on me. just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping--

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting?

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments. We sometimes called it a jogging suit.

It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000.

so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING)

Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly. Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors. Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about.

Um, we're 12, so, yes. Hold up, Cubert. You're a clone of the professor. Do clones even have birthdays? Um, duh! Duh, what? Dad, do I have a birthday?

Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff.

The mercury is boiling! (ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning.

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah!

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

His acting module is booting up.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

Well, this is it. But I want you to know working here has been the experience of a lifetime. Off you go.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here.

before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING) I guess what I'm saying is, the next time you almost die,

Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

Smells like a jockstrap.

Bender! Bow before your new Santa!

Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you.

It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile. Yes, it's true.

I promise nothing!

Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible."

But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

Oh! I'm so lonely and easy.

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"? Wait, you're making a--

There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

Are you all right?

Not kosher! It has to be petroleum oil! Do you not give a damn about the hallowed traditions of Robanukah? I reckon I do not. Anyways, Earth done run out of petroleum oil. (ALL GASP) I tried to warn you. One unit of free, limitless solar power, please.

Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender. I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small.

Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes. We have bigger problems.

And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

(WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes.

Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift.

Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet. Why can't they go today? Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium. Wow, I love symposia.

But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000. Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See? (ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear.

Mind if we sit with you? Uh, hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here. Sweaty, hairy, gassy guys. Good point. I guess. You're my kind of soldier, Lemon-- A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle.

It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent.

I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure!

But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not? That's like Christina Aguilera singin' in Spanish. Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you.

Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851, in New New York's nerdiest slum-- Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child,

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy? Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one.

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this.

(YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS) Why?

All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please! Of course, any age-reversing effects will be purely temporary--

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots.

From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow!

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid.

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds. How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me!

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake.

Well, we're boned. Your turn. Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

Time for the drum solo.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

I thought we were near the rocks, but I don't see the lighthouse, so everything is fine and we can relax. All hands on deck for mojitos.

He's escaping on a bicycle powered by love. Which is an ordinary thing on this planet. (ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh!

Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother. Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday.

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room.

(SCOFFS) Worthless toy! I'm sick of being critiqued by nitpicking nerds. I'm taking this to a comic book convention!

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard.

Now the bases are loaded! Isn't there a man on this team who can get one more out? I can! I repeat: Isn't there a man on this-- I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron.

Ow! Um, hi, Angleene. Whatcha up to? Makin' hangers. Guidance counselor said I had a knack for it. That's cool. That's cool. So, um, uh,

I want you to hear exactly what I hear when I think about you. Oh, Fry. All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew.

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

(GROANS) Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in. - I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man. You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good, but it feels good today,

Or whatever! Fire!

I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax-- For duck huntin'. Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics?

I'll need my personnel file, please. Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes. When he stops insulting, that's when I worry.

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why!

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT)

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you?

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme

Aw. You didn't have to do that. I didn't? Damn. Don't worry. By tomorrow, no one will remember. Can I have another hug? No. SUSAN: Hold your nose and give it a go.

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual.

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't.

Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood...

Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall? Ah, good old Bender.

I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers.

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal...

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man.

Out of our way. This fox is ours.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why?

There it is Miss Universe

(SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant. So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together,

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you.

if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate!

My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher. Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry. And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me.

(LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster, some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy, attempting to mate with one of his harem while he is asleep or distracted.

What the-- I-i don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube? Detonation in T-minus 15 seconds. You little runts froze me! You took away my life!

Fry, what's wrong? Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him.

You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you! Oh, well, it's just, really, that I don't feel that-- Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke,

He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter. Hi, Fry. I like your blazer. Thanks. These aren't pockets. They're just flaps. I put my money in my sock.

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head,

Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Yes, I did. Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN)

She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this?

Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these, and God himself will ask to be seated far away from you.

Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it. Do the robot, baby!

Okay, that's better. Keep them coming!

NO-O-O-o! Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced?

I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room.

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid. You lost, and you made it look almost half-real. I want you to have this card good for ten percent off at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right!

Maybe there's another way. Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff.

Tell them I'm in the tub.

Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this? Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again? Don't want to. Rather nice, living under the Crown and so forth. Rather. (EXCLAIMS) What's more, couldn't go back even if we wanted to.

Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator.

Gumbercules? I love that guy. It's that jerk from the truck stop. Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps. I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh!

(GULPING) (BURPING)

Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that.

What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury. In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good! (SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay?

All right! Lucky pants!

You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room. Well, uh...

Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING) (TRAIN HONKING)

He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING)

Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

You stink, loser!

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Oh, yes, I remember that ass. Let's see. Oh, God, no! It was on board the Floatwell!

This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots?

You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way.

Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body!

Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his D.N.A. and brain waves. Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch...

Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow!

Can't we just go?

Huh? Bender! You tricked me! That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much!

We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it!

(ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you. And if you like that, you'll love our main event. Ladies and gentlemen, Leonardo DiCaprio! (ALL CHEERING) I mean, da Vinci! (ALL BOOING)

Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh...

No! Nibbler. Psst.

Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad!

(BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic?

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.

Sir, the alarm. - I think I better... - Shh! Don't talk. just go.

(SPLUTTERING) Ah! May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap! TAKEI: Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei?

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

Presenting the Queen of England,

Ohh. Women! Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box?

What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself. Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart. But don't you see? Fear has brought us together. That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of-- Hold me.

One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

Not if you've lived a life without regret. I'll save me!

My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device. Oh, that reminds me. You've all taken your pressure pills, right? Yes. Stop asking. I've got his scent. Over here where the water gets warmer.

You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him.

It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention and the best one wins the academy prize. Sounds boring. Oh, my, yes, but not this year because my latest invention is unbeatable. Behold... the death clock.

What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien? Uh, look like interbreeding.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish. Where did Qbert come from? 12 years ago, I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back.

Where did they go? Good news, Leela. I landed the contract...

Now, he's wearing a hat!

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No.

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle? Castle? Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that.

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger...

So, tell me about yourself.

Oh, Calculon! It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known.

And clean the black parts too.

Yes, definitely.

Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence!

May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator. She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure. So, Billy, where were you born?

(LAUGHING BREATHILY) Lame, though the common cold virus does seem like a judge-pleaser. I think I'll steal that and do an experiment that's slightly less very stupid. But that's my idea. You are an evil, evil nerd. Gedgie out.

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo!

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party.

No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu. Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

No. In fact, it-it looks so nice i-i think I might get one, too. It's Elzar again! Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants! Leela, please, let me make this up to you. You and your friends are all invited to my restaurant tonight. I'm going to bam you up a dinner you'll never forget.

That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please.

Say it right now, baby

Are you with me, fellas?

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

Rejected! (BUZZES)

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

Get out of your house and keep moving. You're on a mission. Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you? Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too? Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

$9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah.

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING)

What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced. This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future. Whoa, whoa, girl.

But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING)

She'll kill you!

I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families.

Stop them! They cheated! Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender.

Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that. Superstitious robot mumbo jumbo. Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not.

I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope.

Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry. But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out. Yeah, but he might get kind of upset. I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out.

(CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing.

So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry... My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor?

Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it! What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something? No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back.

What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto?

Okay, that's a start. That's very Earth-friendly.

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen.

Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really. We'll need to speed up their growth... with time particles called chronitons. Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza--

(MEWING TRIUMPHANT TUNE)

Oh. So, how did you wind up getting frozen? Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel! Ha-ha!

We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man.

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling.

But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust. But if it must be so, then let a museum heist be pulled!

Incredible! Zoidberg had friends? It was a different time. FARNSWORTH: Everything was going smoothly until right after that part I was just telling you about. Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet.

Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity.

I'll make you a cake you'll never forget. That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

(PANTING) Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess. (CRACKING) Whoa!

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres! Also, mine has air conditioning.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity,

(SIGHS) I can see I have no future here. My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts.

What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor?

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. just pay the valet the two bucks. No. It's the principle of the thing. Besides, I think I see a parking lot up ahead.

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again.

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood.

I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun!

In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

This is the Holo-Shed. It can simulate anything you desire, and nothing can hurt you, except when it malfunctions and the holograms become real.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be, must be. Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby! Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal?

You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that. You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him.

They're getting married.

After him! Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender? When I use up the toilet paper, I don't put on a new roll. Fry, my friend, I found your pants. And no sign of that crafty badger. All right! Lucky pants!

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge.

Mr. President. I found the TV remote.

So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night?

Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy.

So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew.

(SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink! We should have brought a gun.

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium.

So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah.

Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

to nurse us through this catastrophe. (GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING) (ALL WHIMPERING)

Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it?

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something?

It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles. That's funny.

By a vote of six to three, we find that flag-eating is not protected by the Constitution.

we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING)

Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in... And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on!

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No! Fry, the box has spoken. Go to Mars. Okay.

Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half

there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy. Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat--

Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Since when are you my agent? Quiet! Call comin' in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone!

What happened? Why am I in my apartment?

Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water. Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside.

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak. Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me!

(ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk.

Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender,

Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has. Look at these tracks. I think Bender may be telling the truth.

In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing this around here.

Quick, let's duck in here.

What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and...

All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs,

I'll let you punch me for a buck. Look. We've got mail for Santa. Are you his elves? We're not elves. We're Neptunians. We're just shrimpy because he doesn't feed us. You hit me. You owe me a dollar. Aah! Aah!

Come here, Devil. What are you doing? And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going? Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you.

I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble.

He gets this way around meaty-looking women.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Bust it Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Ooh, customers! Welcome to Earth pizza store. Here. Sit. I bend-a knees for you. Ooh, that's comfy. Uuh!

I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

(SCREAMS IN PAIN) Don't mess with Blind Joe. Nothing get past his sense of smell. Yeah, that's why he in here. Guarding galaxy's most secure safe.

Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh!

Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you.

Come on. We've got to find some way to talk to him. Morbo demands an answer to the following question: "If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child would you seize and consume it?" Unthinkable!

but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish.

I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving.

Incoming torpedoes! Shields at maximum yarnell! Steady, Planet Express Ship. Focus on diverting all power to the scram jets.

You callin' me a biter? Why do you always have to steal everything from me, Yancy? Find your own life and live it. Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple.

Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal. Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me.

The pharaoh has spoken.

Whoo! And his name is?

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

(YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem.

The Ronco Record Vault.

We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore. It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

And when I say killer app, I mean killer app!

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

Yes. Yes, I did.

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that.

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead?

It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one.

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth!

Everyone's dead.

Wait! No, thanks. Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story. Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally.

They're getting married.

And me. Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer.

Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch?

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady.

Then let the video games begin!

Double yes. Guilty!

I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

(LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh. Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor? Do you owe him something? Is he blackmailing you somehow? What does he have on you? Why have you kept him around all these years when he's so grossly incompetent?

What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS) Poor Philip.

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to.

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh!

Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek. I need coffee.

Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

You mean, like my penis?

To the laboratory.

BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE) (GULPING) (BURPING)

Whatever time we have left, just live it with me. So, you want to join the Balcony Club? The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership. Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that.

(SIRENS WAILING)

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts. No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York.

It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan.

Tell me about it. So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot.

Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule

(MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR) Then the steel-drivin' man Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord

Come on. Move those arms. Use the power of mental thinking.

I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

(GRUNTS) (SQUAWKS) (SCREAMING)

We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough?

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus.

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last. Drop that space gun or I'll shoot, like so. (GROANS) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, Zapp, tie me back up and ravish me. I'd like to, Leela. So, I will.

Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost,

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone.

no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that!

Shh! Watch your language.

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You. Aren't you getting this? We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6.

My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together. (CHITTERS) Fry, put these someplace safe.

I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me?

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa!

Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go! Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye.

it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team. Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker.

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment,

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

Before long, they rose up in revolt... Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez.

Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D...

Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke.

She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

Fry, the box has spoken. Go to Mars. Okay. Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here. (SNIFFLES) I wish I could remember with my boobs.

Custard time? Hooray! - (LAUGHING) - (BARKING) Please, I am certain I will succeed with my delicate manner. (GROANING) Oops. Instead, I will send the peace transmission. Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace.

Let's get this show on the road.

- and he's reaching me in my dreams! - Bull pies! Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

Hey, you going to pay for those?

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you.

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model.

Okay, I'm in. (HORSE WHINNIES)

Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas.

I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you.

They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips. All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender.

The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul.

But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real,

Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world?

I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through. (SCREAMS)

Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine, and I've never heard of Yeti-ism. It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti. Ah!

It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island. Watch! I'm stuck! Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert? Lady what? Wait, there she is! After all these years, I've found her!

She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this? Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again?

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here?

I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there?

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne!

I'm pregnant. And you're not the father!

Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

So I told Leela "Your request for a date is most flattering "but I must decline. "These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife."

Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore for me... to clean out my wrinkles each day. Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please!

"My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right.

I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through? It got through, Fry. It got through.

It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets. (SCREAMS) Mars is being blasted out of its orbit. Fry, you noble idiot.

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin. Stop it. Stop it. It's fine.

Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about. These people seem really mild-mannered. They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now. You touched me in ways I've never been touched before.

Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge. Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me.

just stay put and enjoy this calendar. Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist.

(STRUGGLING) (CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender. I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't.

Perhaps the Decapodians acquired our secret codes somehow.

And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs.

Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper,

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion. Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't

Uh, hello? We haven't made one delivery since you two took over. Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business. Image, people! Image! Scope out this new ad! We are all one, with one mind, one purpose, one pact.

and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy!

Wait. What's that?

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir! Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff. Give it to me!

Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film.

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance? Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate.

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Thou robots really cracketh me up.

in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious...

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!"

Fry! Although...

Ah, here's my stateroom. Whoa, where is it? Come on.

May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way?

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot.

Careful! That's a week old!

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal!

Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

(GRUNTING) Hang on, sweetie! (ALARM BLARING) What do we do? Who do we blame?

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir. No, wait!

Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail.

No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President!

Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now! The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no!

while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

(RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there.

(GRUNTING) Pitiful and sickening. Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done. My best wasn't good enough. I'll need my personnel file, please.

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too! That oughta keep those dopes occupied.

Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology.

Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again. I'll never pause again. Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought.

Is he objecting or backing up? Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on!

The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh.

And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did?

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh!

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse.

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality?

Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't.

Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class.

Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father. Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor.

Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there. This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating!

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see!

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box. Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew!

You did it, Fry! Yep. It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours. Yup!

Sure, baby, I know it. Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

So, we meet again. Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl. Keep laughing, Funog. Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number.

That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy. Wait, does that include me? (GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible.

(BOTH YELLING) (SCREAMING) Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life!

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

I flipped a coin.

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

There's A destination A little up the road from the habitations and the townS we know A place we saw the lights turn low the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone

Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts, but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber! Actually, we only practice martial arts as a form of meditation. We are a strictly nonviolent sect. Oh. Then get in the laundry room, or I'll kick your butts!

That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible.

Obviously, the murderer is--

and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

I like your dumpster.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No!

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble.

The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that.

So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi.

There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process. That's birth for ya.

as long as they vote for Nixon. But Nixon's the worst president in history and alternate history.

(SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home!

I am unstoppable! Aah. I don't know how you did that.

alongside those of our most distinguished alumni.

And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live. That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him.

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years.

Who do you think you are? God?

Okay, let's nip this Earther movement in the bud by releasing your Earth certificate. Where were you born? Our Lady of Patriotism Hospital. Patriotism, good. Where is it? Kenya. Cradle of humanity. Leela, this is just a stupid distraction from the issues.

Come on, Nibbler! Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh!

How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know?

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender... (BOTH PANTING)

Okay, then. Grab it! Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em!

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless.

FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener. (ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING)

I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool.

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine! I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat.

(BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions.

Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right!

Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do?

For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man!

Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?

You haven't ignored the last of me.

VoilÀ! You got a quarter? Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh!

It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body! Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh. (LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh.

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef.

Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg! All right! Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission. Which reminds me... Leela, perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me in case one of us doesn't come back.

Oh! Why? And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way. Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold!

Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside. Now just read these cue cards. And... action! "Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying.

Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See? Ahhh!

Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up. Now remember, while you're in the dream, it's critical that you locate the source of the music. Ready to go to sleep? Almost. Can I have some milk and cookies first? Yes. In syringe form. (BUZZING) (GROANS)

Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink.

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien.

I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

Just stop, you two! I've had that reed for 20 years! It's irreplaceable! (GRUNTS) I want my dollar! Sean? What the heck are you doing, you moron? A little drinking, a little fighting. Get off my back.

Hot diggity! You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow? It's gonna be a doozy. (GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people. Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS)

different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew...

We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

even the big bang that created the universe. All that's left is the mathematics. Put down h-bar, carry the infinity, and... My-reka! There it is, the grand unified theory, reducing all the laws of nature to a single equation.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

(ALL CHEERING) Say more things like that. Okey doke. One sunny, funny day, there was an unfamiliar visitor in Rumbledy-Hump. Today we learned that folks are not as different as they seem

Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

(YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS) Why? Why?

Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there. Oh! Aah! Ohh!

Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment. Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude.

Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses. I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs.

Whoo-hoo! Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

Wait. This is what we're running from. Faster! Faster! Whoa! Oh! Aah! Aah! Aah!

FARNSWORTH: We can still save Earth. People are sure to clean up their act when presented with cold, hard facts by rational folks like us. The end is near! Repent thy sins! I'll thinks it overs while I engages this $5 hooker.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings. What people skills! She's completely perfect!

Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies.

(EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that? Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end.

Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

In fact, all life is extinct.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault.

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive. Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Rite my riny retal rass!

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary?

I doubt that very much.

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim.

Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have-- a soul. Eh. And freckles. Well, I'm out of material. You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut.

(BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

I was out fleeing some robots and the silvery moonlight glinting off their bloody claws made me think of you. It's been a long time you pus-dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky. Uh-huh. May I come in? Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah!

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times?

Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you! Fry, stop. She's gone.

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take. This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving.

No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

(BOTH GASP) AMY: They actually built the planetary ratchet from my thesis! (ALL GRUNTING) (SNEEZES) Uh-oh! - What the... - (GASPS) Well, look what the me dragged in.

Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date. Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks,

I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood!

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space. Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing. Wow, you got that off the Internet?

And with that... I have closure.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live! Hey, it's Leela.

We have only one option. Protocol 62.

Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray.

Oh! (FARNSWORTH SCREAMING) John, are you all right?

Oh. All right! Yeah! Whoo! All right, yeah... whoo, whoo. Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo.

All glory to the hypno-toad.

It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it! I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet. Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone.

No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell!

What time is it? Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here!

Damn it, I love that little guy so much! I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little! There is one way, but no, it's too horrible.

Sweet something of... of someplace.

The end is near! Repent thy sins! I'll thinks it overs while I engages this $5 hooker. Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore.

(PANTING) Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow!

You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister. I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months.

Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies. Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me. Won't you join us, Mr. Blob? Sounds like a plan. This is what makes life worth clinging to.

Wow, you're good.

Ooh, tasty. And remember: Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand. "Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up.

Yah! That ship is so white-bread. People, it's Valentine's Day next week, so your beloved company has gotten you all new uniforms. "Clool"! Clothing! Delicious clothing! We'll need to look our best if we're to get the account... of our new potential customer-- Romanticorp.

We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball! Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God!

The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm?

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit. Wait a moment. If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos, I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet!

Pet it. Pet it.

it won't be A stylish marriage I can't afford A carriage but you'll look Sweet upon thE seat of A bicycle built For two

That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize.

So, how about them Knicks?

even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance. Did-Did you just talk? Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well. Like what? Ooh!

What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

The Zookeeper! Sorry I'm late. Long story. Now everybody hit the deck!

But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles...

Well, okay then. Yes, it's been lovely. Hang on a second. (THUDDING) NARRATOR: The Galapagos tortoise lays a clutch of between six and 15 eggs.

Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh!

Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human! (GASPS) Wild human! Wild human! (SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS)

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

I want to tell you why I didn't show up, but I can't. just please believe me that it was a very good reason. I'm sorry I disappointed you. Leela, you could never disappoint us. We're so proud of everything that you are, and we always will be...

Oh, you speak Fish?

My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth.

Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed.

Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

looks, charm and the love of a fabulous bending robot.

I'll get us out of here. Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

(EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn.

I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey.

Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

What the hell are you talking about?

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela?

Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm. Why won't anyone help me?

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Hermes. All right, all right!

I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery. Here and here. You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery. You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal.

We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks.

Leonardo! You're alive? Here? You've learned my great secret. I was but a visitor to Earth. In truth, I am what you call a space alien.

but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life.

If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING)

Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times.

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING)

I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow! ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City.

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug.

I'm getting to the freaking anchovies. A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

I'd like to make one final statement. Kiff, come here and hold up the flag.

Now, when you say "special--" Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

I did like the part where they screamed. This is mine, right next to the center square. Sorry, Hermes, I drank all your Wite-Out. (LAUGHING) Once I log in, I can access Inspector 5's profile.

As you all know, Leela's living will states that in the event of coma, her body is to be fed to the wild cyclophage, a highly endangered creature that eats only Cyclopses. Yup, that's what her donor card says.

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries.

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it.

Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human! (GASPS) Wild human! Wild human! (SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings.

Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities!

Hurry, hurry! Pharaoh's coming! Get that nose in place! Come on!

This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no. Oh, my.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

It's like summer, with a dab of vanilla and honey,

Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land.

Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star,

I changed my mind! Aaah!

Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV) (TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway.

Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that?

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals,

Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

And you smell like one, too.

What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me. How much do you want? You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me.

What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your... Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform."

They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly. Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world. We can. Just moisten your heads and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps. Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them.

College blernsball's finest female hitter making her big league debut... against pro ball's worst female anything. I've never seen anything this bizarre, and I've seen Mr. Belvedere naked. Whoo! Keep cool. She's just like any other player. She puts on her sports bra one arm at a time.

Neat! I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace, a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day! Warships dismissed!

That's so sweet.

I'm lying to make her feel better.

Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast.

(OWL HOOTING) It sure was nice of your nephew to invite us to his cloning lab here in the Repeating Forest. Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace.

I'll bet you run your own hatchery, just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh!

Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops! New York is so burned!

Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

I'll lend you this. Fry!

Hmm. Remember me! Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right.

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell

But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little? Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into?

I beseech thee. Rise up against them.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances.

You will all be boiled alive, like retired circus animals, unless you somehow can cross the great Alkali Plains and reach shelter in the Cave of Harmony. That sounds hard. Whichever gender reaches the cave will survive. And may the inferior gender burst into something. Flames, I guess.

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day. Bender, are you okay?

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us!

I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors...

No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that!

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more!

Please. He too much of a wimp. Yeah. I'm sure it was all Mr. Zapp Branigan here. Please. You give me too little credit. Captain Branigan, you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg. Eee! Money doesn't make good people. No, sirree.

Fry, put these someplace safe. (MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness. Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great.

Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

Ah! The exact center of the Atlantic Ocean. This seems the logical place for fish to congregate.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't.

Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Nee. I mean, no. I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile.

Hmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again.

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme!

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake. Well, hello. I usually don't say this,

Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit! There's no backup copy of me? That's what I just said, you mortal coil. So, if I die... You die. Or as you put it... (RASPS)

I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Watch! I'm stuck! Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert? Lady what? Wait, there she is!

Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you? Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too? Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music. (PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING)

Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you?

I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me.

Hooray for the pigs!

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it?

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler.

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G... an... Amy, this is for you--

(ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork.

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters. (GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey!

You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

(SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING)

Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute.

I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared. Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex.

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula.

Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong.

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived?

MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

Yo, Methuselah, speed it up! You're making the roads unsafe for us maniac street racers! Step off, you greasers! I was street racing back when ships still ran on moon water! Damn, yo, get a load of speed geezer! (ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums!

Well, we are made of virtually identical components. Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel. Hey, according to the Scab Handbook, that's extremely inappropriate banter. And that's just the way I like it.

Gene Tinker, bus. Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now.

Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror. Uh, Professor...

The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD. Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern.

That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss.

Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

As always, once I release the fox,

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

I thought I heard the doorbell, but I see it was the "dork-bell." Man, you funny. Good one, Brett. Now, now. No need to give us the business. We'd like a word with your daddy. Whatever. Dad!

It's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit. That's like digging up Lassie and putting her on display in the Louvre. - Lassie is on display in the Louvre. - I know. I was deliberately describing a similar situation. Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect.

So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

(SNORING) (YAWNS) Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So, what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple? I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots.

In theory, it could work.

you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest.

It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy?

Nice job smacking Kif. Dude had it coming. Wait. (SNIFFS) I think I smell Nectar. Way ahead of you! (GULPING) I don't even know why we're helping find an addictive drug for our mean girlfriends. Quiet, they'll hear you.

theft of money.

You're nothing but a big blowhard. Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up! Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going.

In each gastro-survival kit, you'll fInd a rain slicker, a disposable fun camera... and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon. Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no.

Sorry, Grundy. I'll have to kill you later for some other reason. (GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching.

Beautiful mutants, please welcome Devo!

Mark, set, go, yo!

Countess! Countess! Bender!

Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith! Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo!

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.

We hope to see you soon for tea.

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier.

So, where are you taking my daughter tonight?

I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

His record's been blanked. Oh, man! How am I gonna find some anonymous guy I don't know anything about? I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

Next time you see me, don't be surprised if I've eaten.

Aye, up! Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything? Yep. We're there. Prepare to surface!

Hey, I like the way you think. Oh...! Oh, Lord. You know, you ought to be a bureaucrat or something.

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Four. Three. Two. One!

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

Amy, Leela! What are you doing at your place of work? Your match with the Murderflies is about to start. (GASPING) ANNOUNCER: Moon-ladies and moon-men, presenting the defending champions, the queens of hostility from the Sea of Tranquility,

But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING)

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power.

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy.

Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too!

He's dead. He always seemed so full of life--

Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off.

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

Cheese it! VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera?

He's coming out of...

I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret.

What's death-rolling? It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

- Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies!

What are you, gay? Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

Ah! Your mama's so ugly!

Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook.

It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science.

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done?

To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry. There it is-- The Near Death Star.

A sausage contest, eh? Sounds like fun on a bun! Shut up! I said it first! ELZAR: Bam! Also, ow.

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr!

So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me! So are you gonna fertilize my eggs now?

He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him. Neat. So, where we going? Pandora. That dangerous 3D planet? Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal. Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy...

I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney!

Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new.

Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch!

Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones.

Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp! - Really? - Whaaa--- Aha! I was using that! Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech.

My personality is mathematically derived from my movies, proportionately weighted by box office receipts.

would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do? Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field.

Man, I thought ultimate robot fighting was real like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed like boxing. It's one thing to win a fixed fight--

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay!

Oh! I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready! There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son.

And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies.

CALCULON: Oh. Hello, Dave.

Okay. Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here. (SNIFFLES) I wish I could remember with my boobs.

Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors.

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

Say that you need me Say that you want me You want to please me Come on, now...

Our universe is doomed! Doomed!

Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie. (ALL CHEERING) LINDA: Chris Travers wins the South California primary handily, thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances.

I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please.

No one messes with Mom. Quiet, you.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer.

And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer.

Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

I will get you! Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead.

MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing.

He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

It's a "T." It goes "tuh."

Now it's very nearly Xmas We've done the best we could These toy soldiers are poorly painted And they're made from inferior wood

Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared.

I gotta mope things over for a while. Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags. Hello? Hello? What's happening? I'm not sure. I think he's shuffling off sadly into the distance. Oh, Lord.

Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning? Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out. The Galapagos finches eat parasites off the tortoise's skin, a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with.

I'm changing the channel. (PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(BENDER GROANS) Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book.

Yes, tonight is kind of special. Wait a second. Did you rip off your own arm as a joke? Nay. Like most of your followers, I was maimed building the great brewery. Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth.

What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about? No, it's an old Volkswagen van. Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real.

Leela, I knew I could never make it up to you, so I did the next best thing. I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through.

That's using the old noodle. Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman?

Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate.

I should be weeping! I'm not weeping!

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away.

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me.

Oh, we're doomed! Every year we're doomed.

Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser.

What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Looks like we've got a new office cutup.

including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid.

It's me! No one else look in this mirror!

Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

I'm back for my son! I've come to take him and leave with him! (GASPING) She beat you to both things! It's okay, Son, Mama's here now. Daddy! Don't let her take me!

Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

I'll avenge you, master.

Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute. I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is. Nope. Pretty, though.

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more.

Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back!

but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden? Um, we're just cool is all. Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

Jeez! Walk much, Gedgie? Absurd. You really think your guinea pig can survive in the vacuum of space? He already survived in the vacuum of my mom. I mean, my mom's vacuum. My experiment measures the effect of microgravity on the propagation of the common cold virus in an anaerobic environment, i.e., space.

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop.

Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it.

And this ham gum is all bones. Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief.

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp--

Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second.

on which your husband land-drowned. Inside was something that might interest you. The gemerald ring my husband was to give me in lieu of children. So what? I have a chandelier in my car made of those. Not the gem. This passenger manifest. It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley.

Greetings, Earth morsels.

Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible! Hey, the TV's getting away! And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week."

Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender.

How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman?

Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep.

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks!

"One if by land, two if by sea." The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

Leonardo, stop! (ALL GASP) I want in on this!

while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket. What about our thousands of shares of stock? Worthless. I'll kill you! I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers. Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home?

Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy. Wait a second. This is Panucci's. I used to work in this exact pizzeria. And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats.

We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Good evening, ladies and germs.

Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'.

combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova,

Can you find him, professor? No! I'm afraid the smell-a-scope isn't powerful enough. Bender's odor is so mild, it's being overpowered by local sources. Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good. Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender. The exit. We made it!

Hey. Bender and Leela are back from Pandora. How was it? Awful. We had nothing to say to each other, so we had to listen to Bender's Eagles album for 27 hours. Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals.

Hey, Bender, you better check your ass. I think it's leaking enchantment. That's not enchantment, it's the herbs!

I do! Kiss me, Kif. Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece!

Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience. Do you take credit cards? Let's find out.

That's an order, soldier.

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday. This was the storage room.

Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right. We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop. Oh... My guts feel kind of weird. I'm not surprised.

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally. Uh, listen. I just want you all to know, your Leela's one standard lady. Oh, Adlai! Stop.

Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing! It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you. Yeah! Even if it means crashing this ship with us in it. Yeah! Wait. Crashing what with who in it? (EXCLAIMS)

Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons,

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me. Thank you, Hubert. (WHOOPING)

Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

Please do not feed the animals!

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been?

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal.

Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi. No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to, ladies?

What do the tones mean?

Okay, Fry here's the package to deliver. And for once in your life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. Ow! Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. just go to the palace, drop it off and come right back. Geez, will you lay off?

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets.

Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.

We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned.

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

Average, please. Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird.

Yes! The system works. The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar?

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy.

What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Everyone out of my body, or the brain gets it! He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh!

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy.

(SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine. Let's get to hooting.

Also, mine has air conditioning. (ZAPP YODELING)

I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied,

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

It's like Comic-Con in a submarine!

Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's".

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets. Say, do you know Obliteron? He pretends to be a hamster, but... Yeah, that's really great. Could you please tell us what's going on? What? Oh! Right.

No! No! No! No!

Steady. Steady. Now!

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

(GIGGLES) I'm scared. Or other reasons. Hmm. I don't know, does this kelp scarf make me look fat enough? It's so unfair. That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls.

A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball.

Damned she-fossil! Stink pig! Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth.

That's why they jazzed it up.

Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass! Well, so long. Get well soon. Oh. Well. So long anyway.

Divert power from the shields. Full speed ahead.

And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now And if this world runs out of lovers We'll still have each other

For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff. Nice hat!

Let's see now. Which bait to use...

Hambone, hambone!

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela.

Well, uh, to eBay.

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up.

Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there!

It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees. Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years.

The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see.

Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend.

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear...

Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray!

You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs!

Mr. Funny-Bunny here will gauge your reaction by bombarding your brains with harmless snuggle rays. He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

(SNORING) (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry. (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping!

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette.

Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends.

One bowl of mild farina. Pay dirt! Hyah!

Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix,

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention!

Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc.

Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great. As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg.

Which ocean? That ocean? Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe!

Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such, Bender always had a free body cavity.

(MOANING) Okay, Murdolator's finished.

(EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

The others simply aren't levelheaded enough.

I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Than their literal intention Now that is irony

We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby.

She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her? Oh... I don't deserve this. I feel terrible. You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her!

Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days.

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes!

I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches. Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer.

Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you!

I like your style. I find it very... erotic.

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me. Come on, we got to save Bender.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it.

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here.

(ZAPP YODELING)

That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation. You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat."

Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks!

Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence.

Hey, you burned my cheek!

If we help Calculon win, it will weaken Cobb's ego, maybe? Yes, yes, fine. (WHINING) We never go where I want to go. So, the most galling of the paparazzi needs my help. Lo, the worm has turned. Say cheese, Calculon without makeup.

Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

It just keeps comin' and comin'.

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

(SNORING) Scare Fry to death? Ha! I could do that in my sleep. Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo!

I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable?

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

Amen. Does that mean we can eat now? Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs. Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to.

Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip. Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow.

Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son. (COUGHING)

if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did. Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now?

Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires?

Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure?

Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh! Ouch!

Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb. They've always got a nice docky-wocky on.

Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess. (CRACKING) Whoa! It's collapsing! What the...

And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth. Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky?

so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists. Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine. You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace,

Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon?

What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No!

I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die.

Oh, no, it's just that ice cream truck that almost ran me over. (SCREAMS) (GASPS) Sorry, everyone, no luck yet. (YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee. No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland.

Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here!

Ah, it is just our new Crock-Pot. Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock.

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't.

Ooh. Pimpy. What are we supposed to do, just sit here and wait for Mr. Peppy to be killed? Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko.

There, little friend. Good as new.

These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry.

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

While I, in a simultaneous blunder,

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! We can definitely escape, Bender.

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back!

Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo." No offense intended, my filthy friend.

Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. (ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science!

But then I'm gonna clamp your wounds shut so you stay alive while I clamp you some more! Say your prayers, stoolie. Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off! (GAGGING) (GRUNTING)

But what are you sayin'? I'm sayin' I've got an unbendable girder to bend. You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable! Well, I don't know anything about lifting, so that just leaves us the one option.

He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong.

I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity! Give me a hug!

It's full of ads. Whoo!

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

I'll try a bite! NARRATOR: Having completed its perilous journey, the exhausted salmon enters the final phase of its life cycle. The female deposits her eggs and the male fertilizes them.

(SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself. I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better.

I am just a humble emperor with a big, big crown!

Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb... of our great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Impressive. Who's building it? You. Say again? You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Guards?

Seymour! Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic.

I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up. It's crooked! In the end though, it doesn't matter who my parents were. All that matters is what I learned here,

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious.

Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist.

Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer, but I guess I showed myself. Subjects, please enter the chamber.

We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment. Leela... Ready for action, sir!

Initiating controlled infection. I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

Hmm? Let me see that vial, Bender.

FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on. The Stardoz 2293. Not for everybody, but you pull it off. Please don't pull it off.

Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?

I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00. Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you!

We've been right now the whole time.

Oh, don't get me started. Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park.

Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash, my rage would've subsided. Sadly, that has not happened.

I felt my life was over, but look at me now. I got fame, money, groupies, and it's all thanks to being completely immobilized. That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!"

(BENDER CHUCKLING)

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.

What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien? Uh, look like interbreeding. Ow! Ahh! You want make love, not war? Jawohl.

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody.

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting.

Well, there goes the neighborhood.

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you! But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future! But it's set 800 years in the past. Yeah! Why is this so important to you?

Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you-- Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh. It's a sunny little doomed planet inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals. Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled

So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS) Bloods on the Mobius strip. When will these kids learns? (SNIFFLES) So now what happens?

There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century?

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh... Ow!

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure. Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you. Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting.

What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea. Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot.

I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation.

You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now?

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body. Sold your body?!

El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name? just be cool. Nobody knows we're "superpowerly" challenged. Man, this costume is so damn heavy.

You really think I have a chance? Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out! You haven't heard the last of...

(ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

Stay off my turf!

The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit!

Pizza going out. Come on!

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them!

Back in my old uniform. And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig. So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough.

Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this?

And the good news keeps on coming. Behold, my latest invention. Whoa! Neat.

"Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once.

Yes, I will. Yep!

I saw that! Huh?

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation,

The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not!

Look, I don't want to put a rat in your face-cage, or whatever you kids say nowadays, but Zapp's using Mom to get to me, and I'm going to prove it!

What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do.

If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a--

No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo!

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk.

I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke... in a good way.

Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God!

and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow! The takeover of Planet Express is approved!

Hear me! Hear me! Stop eating Popplers! Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce! Stop eating them with tangy sweet- and-sour sauce. Stop eating the new Fiesta Poppler Salad. Stop taking advantage of the money-saving 12-pack.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) (CHUCKLING) Don't worry. The Futurama crew will be back next year with all new episodes featuring Bender, Leela and me, Al Gore, as Captain Lance Starman.

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

My God! It's the Pantheon! This place is 3,000 years old. What could possibly be left to discover? Maybe something about ourselves, Leela. Wait! What's under that blanket?

Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar! Elzar, you're my god.

No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us!

(CHUCKLING) Oh, no. Bender, stop! Stop!

Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course.

I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time. (GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this. I'll be in my day-off trailer.

I like your dumpster. Thank you. The previous tenant was a very prominent raccoon.

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader.

I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body. Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted.

Well, I've washed up in worse places. Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter. There. Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9--

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical.

Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir!

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need. Man! I'm sore all over!

but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale! Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you. Hey, it is kinda like that. To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went. What a Valentine's Day that was.

I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working. I'm not sure, either. We better ask Amy. Well, that's the last one. But what does a monkey financial services corporation want with a fleet of classic cars? We don't want the cars, just the tires! Gentlemen, the new office chairs are here.

Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid.

Ow! I'm hungry.

Wow, I'm finally going to see my favorite chef TV's Elzar!

Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

And, here we are. The end of the universe.

Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection...

No beam can pierce that devilish mist. Shipwrecks be so common, I make a good livin' out of whatever washes ashore. Found me a whole blue man group once. So you have two jobs? More. I also salvage the wrecks with my bathysphere, and I'm a butcher, if you like blue meat.

This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck! I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern.

The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't.

and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING)

my beanstalks now have suction cups to keep them from collapsing. That's horrible! Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition. But not too cheap. I'll take the cash, and you can have the credit. I don't want the credit! Genetic engineering is wrong!

You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever stops to tell you what a great captain you are. Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful, and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand.

You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay. Uh-oh. Help. Help!

But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems.

We sure are cheerful this morning.

Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer!

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting.

A dirty, filthy slob.

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch.

Bring it on, baby!

I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned...

Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though.

This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability?

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh.

Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

Ah, relax, chum.

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites. Good night, employees.

I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah! Whee!

At ease, men. I am at ease. Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement. Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara? Downplay the tiara.

There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Help! My gyroscope melted! I'm out of control! (BOTH SCREAMING) If the creature kills me,

He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him!

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do!

A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers? (SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me.

to engage in criminal behavior. How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions? (ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself.

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids?

yet I saw no sign of intelligent life.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them. Oh.

You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh?

We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait.

just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny.

We didn't have a word for it, until now.

Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney.

Mama! And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out. For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing.

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much.

I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

(PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me!

He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined! Hi. I'm Jerry. I like movies.

As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday.

I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't!

(GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow!

I'll get your daughter back, sir. I swear. Forget it, Squishy. You the one lose her in first place. - You done enough. - Yeah! This time we get most decorated lawman in the whole universe. You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name.

He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one. Daddy has a present for you today. Do you know what it is? It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do. Even break dancing. And it once belonged to someone very special. I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really?

But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one. Still, if you can keep me amused through the overture, I shall consider it a smashing success.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

(FARNSWORTH BLUBBERING) (GASPS) I hear something. (CRYING) It's the Professor. Yes, everyone look at the freak.

Well, we're boned.

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

All right. "Hands in the air" rhymes with "just don't care." And... finished!

No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

Oh, this is the worst crazy sect I've ever been in. So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it?

Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Fiesta ha ha me MinD on fire me soul on fire feelin' hot, hot, hot Yeah, baby! Yeah! Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no. Off we go.

Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

(ACCORDION PLAYING)

Leela? And the winner is Nerdgasma! Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it!

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry. You should feel proud, no matter what your dad said to you.

Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash

if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

Funny plague, hyper-malaria. It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel! Oh! Those poor, doomed bastards.

I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out!

Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight,

Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair. Ooh. Ho-ho-ho.

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Is there Mrs. Queequeg? I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

No! We overslept! The mercury is boiling! (ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan!

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal!

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor,

Fire! What the-- We missed!

(ALL STAMMERING) This season? Walrus don't need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never... She... No one ever goes walrus.

Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh.

Nice catch, idiot.

So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average. Low? It was zero, you fungo. You went your whole career without getting a hit. Leela can beat that. She's pitched her whole career without getting an out. You stink, lady! Hey, junior. She belongs in the exhibit instead of you.

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks.

Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay. Well, there he was in the tub, all right?

Bah! I think she looked fine before.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful...

Give it to him, Andrew!

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise. For you finding me in the refrigerator! True. But at least I don't have the hiccups anymore. What up? Oh, well, it so happens I'm in the mood... to make a deal with you.

The same. Hang on. (GRUNTS) Coming around. There.

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic.

Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead.

It's my booties from when I was a kid. Uh, they're already bronzed. They are bronze. And this one's from Leela. Oh, I just love the bow. I wonder what it is. Yes, I wonder what we got you.

Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

(BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich! No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible.

He's back to normal!

All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

Get it? Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found. It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats? Uh-- Don't mind if I do. Kids'll be hungry. She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot.

Exactly as naughty! I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us!

(ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it? Yes, please. No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here? (SIGHING) This planet is the real Rumbledy-Hump, and these creatures are the real Humplings.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more.

Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from...

Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey.

Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows! (WHALE SINGING) All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale? I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales. Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon.

(DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup! Good dog. That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you! Bender, do you know who that was?

or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land.

Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about. Whoa!

I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you. Oh, but I guess we're just two different people. So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay.

All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

Grab them! Oh! You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into?

Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

Cut! Cut! Cut it!

Oh, my. Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty?

A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell!

I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty.

Not in the hair, please. I just had it did.

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket!

At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question.

See if I can't get ya tried as a juvenile. Oh, Chaz. I'm as worthless as this trash can. You think I'm as worthless as you?

That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo! Whoa! Aw!

My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret. Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough. Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good.

just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor... Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

Look at his adorable little feet.

So you lost the atom, huh? You're garbage, human garbage! Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over. Well, uh, we'll be leaving now. If you could just sign this form saying you received the atom. I'm not signing squat.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

That stinks, Professor. Too bad the universe made it turn out that way and not some other way. I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking! Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws?

- Hey, hot stuff. - Hey, Flexo. So since when do you go to bars on work nights? It's not like you at all.

Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell!

Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape. Crazy sucker.

Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement...

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around?

There's your problem.

(GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button. But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars!

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems...

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you...

How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars. Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal. What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion--

(GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH)

"But mine aren't. "You, mon, give me that robot brain." And you, metal guy, lie down. Zoidberg, this makes no sense. Why are you helping him? And what's that catchy beat? (ROCK BEAT BEGINNING) I'll tell you. Two, three...

Oh. So you froze yourself to come look for me? No, I did it to get a fresh start. I didn't know what had happened to you. No one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money. That's the same reason they kept me out of school. So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really.

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING)

Zapp Branigan, at your service.

Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name. That's him! Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck,

No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here? (SIGHING) This planet is the real Rumbledy-Hump, and these creatures are the real Humplings. All I did was write down their adorably repetitious hijinks. (GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone?

Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm.

but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day. Thanks. They're my inspiration. But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING)

Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat?

Let's review. Who was our first president? Um-- A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson? Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell--

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING)

My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines.

and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs! Scandalous.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

He's stuck in a loop.

No, that's how you always look. This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer--

You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Oh. Ah! My heart!

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop.

Well, time for this robot to get back to work. Ah... Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor. Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom!

I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over.

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea.

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold!

And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry?

That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man. (DOOR OPENS) I almost headed off the Professor at the East River, but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge. Why would he go to Queens? He doesn't need tires.

Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves. Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing.

This is how you treat me? After all the good news I've given you over the years?

Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once.

No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.

Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles.

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards.

Well, you did manage to get a tremendous urine sample. Let's not talk about that.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

are in fact Sparkles the human! (GASPS) Wild human! Wild human! (SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done. Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties.

BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Is that it? Admit it!

Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038. Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil. Bender, lift it up to the can opener. Oh, no! I'm not going near it.

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is,

Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit?

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor.

Trees down. Trees down.

It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents. I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important. Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me! I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H.

Why won't anyone help me?

(LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes.

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains. Initiate space/time transfer! Hey!

So will Seymour remember how to sing "Walking On Sunshine"? Amazingly, yes. In cases of rapid fossilization, I can press this brain scan button, retrieving Seymour's memories at the precise instant of doggie death. I'm gonna get my puppy back! In your face, Grim Reaper! Crappy, ineffective Reaper.

This toads the wet sprocket.

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio. Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce...

Gosh, my old neighborhood. Oh! That's the bench where I found some shirts! That fire hydrant-- In the summer we'd light on fire. On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a Socialist newsletter. Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it! The old comedians were right. This place is a lot different from L.A.

You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry.

Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you.

(KIDS LAUGHING)

Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine. Still, to have your own pool. I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now, let's see if I can make just one good one.

Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life.

You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago When a happy thought dispelled my woe And I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull "If I sliced up his cyborg skull" He wants a brain

All right, all right. Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up. Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out.

NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES)

Run away! Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

Oh, and I suppose pitch-o-mat 5000 - was just a modified howitzer. Yep. You know, you humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field. There's all kinds of robots down there. Yeah. Doing crap work.

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you.

(WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES)

(YELLING) (GASPING) Leela, are you okay? Did you drink too many aquaria? Look, the bone vampire!

Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone. We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting. Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us.

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

(LAUGHING) Now here's Sportsbot 5000 to tell us about two local gals, Amy Wong and Turanga Leela, who have won 15 Butterfly Derby bouts in a row, even as rumors swirl that they're juicing up with the controversial nutritional supplement known as Nectar.

They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

We were in science class... and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds.

Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time.

Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING) And that's how you end hunger.

What are we supposed to do for money? All I've got is my Frequent Taffy Eater's card... my first mustache... and this picture of me and my old girlfriend Michelle, and that ski instructor she was just friends with. Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund? Ow! We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans.

That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous

and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand. You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different. Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes? All right, but I wanna lick the beaters.

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo! So, uh, Flexo... sorry about crushing your body like that. You okay now? Well, I don't feel as bad as you look. Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid.

You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood! You've waited too long to switch back, you dingbat! Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out? Uh-huh. All right.

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

(SCREAMING) Neat.

Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny!

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

I'll make this simple. Our money or your life. Sardini?

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Unlike your Earth zoos,

Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them.

Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand.

Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender. You must be pretty glorked off. Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn.

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already? Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love

Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets.

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast! Fish.

(ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it?

Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula 25-star General Zapp Brannigan.

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements.

Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me.

What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow! When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad.

Ow, ow, ow. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest! That offer was for a limited time only. (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why?

(BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little...

Uuh! Ooh! Ouch! Okay, try it again. But this time, keep your eye off the ball. You mean, keep your eye on the ball. Hey, lady, which one of us is in the Hall of Fame? Psst! You're holding the bat upside down.

That's a wrap, everybody.

don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff?

Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there. Everything's changed. That's not true.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal? just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate.

Here, take this!

I died doing what I loved.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump!

Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time.

Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes. There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine,

Aah! Ooh! Uh! Good luck, Bender!

BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing?

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Fry, having guessed what animal I was thinking of you shall have first choice of weapon. Uh-huh... Ah! And you, Doctor? I choose my own claws.

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go.

Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not. Give it up! All right! Take it. Sheesh.

Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid. I can fly it, sir. I just need to know where, and how.

But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute.

I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

Yes, I do. Leela, have you seen the keys to the spaceship? Uh, I must have left them on board. Oh, well-- I mean, what! Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh!

I'm just saying, is all.

A net gain for our great city!

(ALL CHEERING) FRY: Yuck! But, yay! Thank you, my human brother. Your message of unity has touched our souls. We are once again of a single hive mind. (CRASHING) KWANZAA-BOT: Oh, yeah.

What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea.

Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth?

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was.

"The Grumpy Snail." Sorry.

As a professor of science, I assure you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men! I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans. Dr. Banjo? In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory,

Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer! (ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

(SCREAMING) (BABBLING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE)

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

(LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it.

Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood.

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man! You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone.

Mmm! Mmm! Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it?

You were saying, Mr. Fry?

Plus, you don't really have the thighs for a miniskirt. Give me the script. Places, everyone! Okay. All set. Lights.

Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy. I learned it from a decongestant commercial. "Soothing action, action, action, action."

Indeed so. Most indeededly.

This is what makes life worth clinging to. Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons. It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life. Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.

Merry Xmas, kids. Aah! This wangs chung. After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever.

He that is designated Fry...

But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel! Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8. Where's my Hot in Cleveland? All trade with the Omicronians stops today.

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me!

If we're gonna be co-workers, I gotta be straight with you. I've been emotionally scarred by years of unspoken verbal abuse. I'm Zoidberg. Nice to meet you!

Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

I've discovered a new means of time travel. I'll call it the Farnsworth Effect! Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Possibly his vile lizard tongue. You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please--

Now, may I please have that cheese log? O glorious conqueror, permit me to offer up a sacrifice. How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do.

I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm?

between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor! (EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them.

Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

watching apes mangle each other near celebrities. In my day, we went to coke parties, but the principle's the same. Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape! Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge, it's time I cut you in on the secret to success.

This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license! And it's mandatory!

Please. just wake up, Leela. Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you.

Leela! That's not very nice.

Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.

How is this going to get us to Boston? (EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie.

What? Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line.

Oops! Whoopsie! My bad. Dibs on the toes.

Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow! I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer.

Off on your first delivery, eh? You be careful, my little tinkler. Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler. Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses. Only the Sunday Edition can do's that.

I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs. Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.! Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won.

like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag.

Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh... Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom.

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution.

(BENDER DRY HEAVING) Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk!

tonight we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

(CHOKING) Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35!

It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim.

The same. Hang on. (GRUNTS) Coming around. There. Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk.

Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band

Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough!

Go, boy. Follow that stench. I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here.

And more importantly, turn it off once in a while. Hear, hear! Yeah. You're darn right! So should we turn it off now? Uh, well, uh, that depends what's on. Nothing good. Aw, let's just keep watching.

What do you mean? Watch this. Yah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow! No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm. That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior. Therefore, the battle is already over.

As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place

And Conrad is disqualified!

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again!

You always were a hot-blooded Latina. NARRATOR: Like all reptiles, the Galapagos tortoise is cold-blooded.

Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.

Because... my stomach is about to explode.

Come on in, Gary.

It's my invention. We do it my way.

it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh? Less reality, more fantasy!

Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss. Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my fund and kicks-in' my back. I'm greasin' up my whoozits. Whoa, whoa, Clamps. Not yet. Let's just keep an eye on him and see if he does it a couple more times.

Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing.

Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres. Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

Look out, Earth.

That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest.

Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

(SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it!

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits.

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.

Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know.

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What?

Lot of weather we're having. Allow me, my lady. (UNZIPPING) Shall we go a-trousering? Fry, I appreciate the gallantry, but isn't this a bit much? You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love. (SIGHS) Okay. Fine. Here, take my hand.

Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube.

jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh?

I wish. Those cats can really fly.

Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan!

The deal will go ahead as-- My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it. MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive

Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning? Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out.

I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy. (MOOING)

Could you repeat that last part?

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS) (EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things.

Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more? Imma go take that job offer at Lehman Brothers. (SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING) The neighborhood strip club.

I think it moved. BOTH: Phew!

(SCREAMS) (EVERYONE GASPS) What's happening? Did you kill it? The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy.

(HISSING) (CRYING OUT IN FEAR) The male butterfly. It's gorgeous! Let me get my butterfly hammer. Bender, no. That park ranger explicitly gave us a vague warning. Look, the hammer's already out, I got to smash something. (GROWLING)

What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually identical components.

Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action!

I recognize you. Didn't you use to have a body of some sort? Yeah, but it was holding me back. You know, I just did the cover of the Sports illustrated swim cap issue. Well, you're looking great. Thanks. I wouldn't mind losing a few pounds, though. Couldn't hurt.

Delivery boy Philip J. Fry reporting for duty. Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine. What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move!

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone!

Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat.

Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything. Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it.

Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here.

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard!

Meeting adjourned. I can't figure out why she's so nice to you, Fry. She's a hateful monster, this Morgan. She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her. Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor.

please welcome a man who started as a slave,

Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you mercy - oh, oh - Oh!

Hey, wait a minute.

A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought. I'm a natural. The information we need will be here, in the physical files. Those bastards won't know what leafed through them.

Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why?

Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical. Anyway, it's going to take some careful piloting to avoid it.

Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship? Destroy them.

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man.

(SIGHS) It's hopeless. Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction. Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam!

Silence. That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

Oh, no! The ice is melting! The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat. And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING) Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap.

There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends, when he goes back how it was. For me, that time is now. So I ask you, as a friend-- Won't you stop this deal? Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas.

Me hear people, but me not see people.

Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY) (ALL PANTING) I've got navigation. We're on our way home.

(GASPS) Five-O, five-O! - Five what? - Five Omicronians! Everyone, grab your buddy and get back to the ship! Coming through! Is everyone on board? I got my buddy. Hermes is my buddy.

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

I feign death and stalk thee,

It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

Is this another scam to get free yarmulkes? Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive. Wonderful. Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony. - Um... - Oh, I... - Uh...

It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy.

Fry, don't die! Wake up!

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood. Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure.

It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out.

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do.

Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does. Nevertheless, Bender's gas blaster may be our only hope.

Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts, but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber! Actually, we only practice martial arts as a form of meditation. We are a strictly nonviolent sect. Oh. Then get in the laundry room, or I'll kick your butts!

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards!

- So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo.

Hmm! What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die!

Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud... of the mud planet Decapod 10! Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot? Attack Earth!

Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume! I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste! Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up.

My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop!

It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth.

I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me!

I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots. Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick.

Wow. This is beautiful.

Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING)

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys.

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

But that's it. No one else. I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die. NIXON: Cut the waterworks, hippie! The final decision will be made not by me, but by a cold, logical machine.

You're my best friend, Fry.

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby.

Old-fashioned? Hammy? God's wounds!

Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area.

He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us.

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work.

Okay, just try to be nonchalant. All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious.

(SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it!

I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days.

(CROWD GASPING) My God!

If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever.

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky.

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice.

If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain!

They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender. We grew fat and domesticated. (MEOWS) Thousands of years passed, and our home world was nearing total destruction. (CATS MEOWING IN AGONY) MAN: Shut up!

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Well, now we can, thanks to my new invention-- the smelloscope. The odor travels past this coffee stain here around the olive pit and into this cigar burn...

I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh!

But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me!

My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy. That's so sad.

Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"?

if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about. You know, it's not easy being an orphan. Not if I have anything to do with it.

and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one.

blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass!

Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far.

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes.

Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

Last one. Oh! It worked!

Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall!

Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop!

You loved him as Bender the Offender. Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie.

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one. Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.

She's out of control! You win again, gravity. Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune!

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

This is gonna be great.

Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off!

Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered? Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings.

Ta-da! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL MURMURING) Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast. And check out the interior. (LOCK BEEPS)

(HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend.

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage

How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela?

(GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job.

No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator!

If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano.

That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din. I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah!

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves!

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved. Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo!

She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

You shut up, sir.

Miss Wong, I mind everything.

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

I get it. For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy. It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant. Ah! You're right! And I, as a renowned ear, nose, and blowhole doctor,

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

after meeting with top voodoo economists,

Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor. It's someone in whom I have great faith even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing.

Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh!

Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

You Latins are so hot-blooded. This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell. Aw. I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date.

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party.

And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will.

Someone's sure to adopt me now! Well, Bender, I guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life. (CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something? Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me.

I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed. But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

"It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah!

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

So just sit back, enjoy the ride My ass has blisters from the slide Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme

Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. (WHOOPING) Look out, world, here I... (GROANS)

Enjoy our private dining room, folks. This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water.

Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar.

I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

(CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (AGREEING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

One art, please!

Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours. Ah, marriage. It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not.

(ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything. (EXHALES DEEPLY) (CELLPHONE RINGING) Hello?

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee!

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you.

Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

(GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested. (HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat

Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman.

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool. Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk.

(DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da...

It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

That's new. Eh, I'll take the beanstalk less traveled. (GRUNTING)

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case. Ah, I just need sleep.

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry!

I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box!

ALL: Wow. Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But... So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot?

so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache. Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this? Well, well, well.

And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people.

And what about these funky table legs? It's like they're from some other, funkier painting.

And so I would fain commission you write an opera.

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

In what has become a winter tradition, members of the Zarlon Seven Polar Bear Club... today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia.

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids.

What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe.

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

"Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING) There's got to be some way to stop Bender. Maybe something in the Oracle's prediction that I missed before, due to incompetence.

Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one! Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock? I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

As the tea boils, please join hands... with your beloved Smizmarr. Oh, right. Sorry, but I've memorized the ceremony by rote, and it mentions her a lot.

(BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach?

And johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory. Clem johnson?! That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old robot leagues. Now, wireless joe jackson-- There was a blern-hitting machine. Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns.

Well, let me think it over. Let's go already!

Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah. We're slowing down. Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts?

Interesting, if true.

Sir? You seem pretty stable. Have you thought about adopting one of our kids? Sure haven't. Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really?

Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Is this the robot company? 'Cause I have a complaint about a defective robot. His name is me! A defective robot, you say?

(ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

Now that's a tree worth chopping down. Indeed, 'tis a lovely tree. 'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer.

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment. Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay.

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating.

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan. Let's get the hell out of here.

Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things!

I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older. Not if you don't freeze me.

Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

(SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message. I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog. People will wait for something good. No, don't quit. You have great ideas. You just need to get them out there with social media.

The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives.

I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

Get to the point! What does it say about me, Bender? (GASPS) Nothing! But it does say a great cataclysm will destroy the world in the year 3012! The world? That's where I live! Told you it'd say something about me. So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar?

There. That ought to convert a few tailgaters. Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo.

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender.

Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow.

Let's go, damn it! Let's go! Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye. Whoa! My home!

It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.

No! What will I mix with my scotch? (SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk.

Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

Here I come, Kif.

Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

And, so in honor of his record-breaking catch I'm proud to award Bender this check for $1,000. It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened?

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank.

(MUFFLED GROANS) Now to go switch bodies with Zoidberg, sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than... Ten minutes ago? Oh! (BEEPING) (ALARM SOUNDING)

"Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess! Wait, what are you people-- idiots?

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things.

(SCREAMS) Go, me! They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries,

Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other?

Is it the secret ingredient?

When I pull this switch, the maternifuge will spin at 10,000 r.p.m., separating out everyone who isn't the mother-- uh, father-- uh, whatever.

Good news, everyone! Someone's home is on fire. (ALL CHEERING) (SIREN WAILING)

It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo!

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You Clobberella

You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace,

In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent.

Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before,

Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY!

Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot?

(SOBBING) That's right, I said it. I said it. (WAILING)

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us

Uh, look. Before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp. Well, you got anything else for him? All right.

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain.

Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages? Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies.

Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops. Whoa, whoa! You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor.

Terminate the operation. LaBarbara? Dwight? I just got an urgent text from little Hermes. You can't do this thing. You don't even know whose brain that is. It doesn't matter. Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father.

of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium. It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry.

Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh.

That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out.

Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal!

whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger. (ALL GASP) Bender, I've been looking for you. Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender? (EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close.

Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order. I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse...

I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog. People will wait for something good. No, don't quit.

That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever. Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by?

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle?

Um... a grayish blob?

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING) Quick, take my hand.

This is actually quite elegant. It's not what I was expecting. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the meanest things on gossamer wings... The Murderflies! This is what I was expecting. So, uh, what are the rules of this sport?

It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make. At least we've got food.

You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor.

Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss. Please come join me on the planet of your birth. Coordinates follow. Well, too bad we've got to make that urgent popcorn delivery. It'll get there.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor. But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe. Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take.

Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No! Can I shred these contracts? No! Wow! A power stamper!

(ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo! Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal.

Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered. Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever.

Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet!

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You

It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela.

It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day. Happy Freedom Day!

Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line.

One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break.

just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner. Let's see. Oh, yes. Yes, definitely. Mmm, I'd like some of that. Mmm. I'll just have everything on the menu.

Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries. Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome. Oh!

Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me. Death to the 1-X robots!

jackie Anderson. Leela? jackie. I guess you were right. I'm a lousy role model. I'm sorry. No, don't be. It turns out you were an inspiration after all. I was? Uh-huh.

Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What?

Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody.

Let's go already! (WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out! They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them. The ground is still warm.

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What?

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof.

Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired. This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat.

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested. (HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve

That stench-- That heavenly stench. More.

Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge.

Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train! That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez. (ALL BOOING)

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar?

(GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M.

All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on! (BENDERS LAUGHING)

There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg. Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship.

All right, diamond, you won those rounds,

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? Yeah, I suppose.

There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec.

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23?

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this.

Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next!

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up.

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences.

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Lobster. You want some? Sure.

You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh. Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful.

Hmm. It should look like this. But instead it looks like this. Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects.

Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left. Oh. What? Is that your camouflage reflex... or are you just happy to see me?

You got to take a number. Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

I nominate that Guy! not just because he has a suit, but because he knows about business and stuff, and he has a tie. My shares still count if they went through the washing machine, right?

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing!

I've never seen a supernova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova, it'll light up the night sky. Yeah! Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My." And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet...

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin"

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

(SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away. Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand...

Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important.

In the Great Monkey Desert. (TV TURNS ON) MORBO: We interrupt your TV being off for this special bulletin.

Mr. Revere, we're looking for a counterfeiter who minted these smelly ha'pennies. His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush. He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING) Everybody, take a Franklinator.

As you all know, Leela's living will states that in the event of coma, her body is to be fed to the wild cyclophage,

Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them.

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

(BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes! Splinkies! What was that?

Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man. So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have,

What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot. The dials are terrified.

But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No! Can I shred these contracts? No!

Yes, please. No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here? (SIGHING)

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh.

Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money. What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time. I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body.

Wait. Hot lava?

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved. (BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah! All right! Yeah! (GROANS)

I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Quit lying to your pudgy self. It does seem like jamaica would be able to field a strong limbo team without you. Yeah. Isn't that basically all jamaicans do? Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport. That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself. And I said I'd try my very best.

Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over.

(GRUNTS) (ALL GASP) (GROANS) You guys, again? Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM)

All right! Let's ride! (BEEPS) (BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY)

Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again.

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting!

We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

Then you'll wanna get a close look at his luxurious Bel Air home. Yes, I will. Yep!

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set.

Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

(MEN CHEERING) Eight to eight. It's a tie. We can't trust a woman's math. Count again. (ARGUING) Greetings, soft ones. Who among you is your leader? MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is.

Just pick something and blow it up so I can get home in time for The Finder Outer. Oh... What the... All right, good enough. Let's go.

Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING)

Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

Go see a saucy puppet show.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network. Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV?

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish. (CROWD GASPING) My God!

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night.

(ZAPP YODELING)

What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man.

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

And now, the woman who "mom-opolizes"... the robot industry-- I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it.

Here, let me help you.

I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card! Did we go too far?

Me too. Me too. jerk.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang.

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again. Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true.

Why don't you come on over sometime And have ourselves a really good time Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind...

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

(SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry. (SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony.

These new hands are great. I'm gonna break 'em in tonight. Yes, it's been quite an hour and a half. I've only got two fantasies left-- to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on.

(BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover.

help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents.

Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo!

(WHOOPING) Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids! And the more beer! (PLAYING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) Shh!

I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What?

Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye.

Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence? Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

On my planet-- Reload.

So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows! Experts are unsure whether salmon navigate by memory, sense of smell, or by detecting variations in Earth's magnetic field. Okay, everybody do one of those three things.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?"

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list.

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem.

No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so.

But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars! (SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it!

It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

SHABBA-DOO: The poor little psycho never could've survived on his own.

I'm a certified college dropout. Please. Everyone knows 20th century colleges were basically expensive daycare centers. That's true. By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair.

Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos,

and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt.

I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion!

I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

Relax, friends.

Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of.

Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well?

You were saying, Mr. Fry? I'm from the 20th century. Go ahead. Ask me anything. Very well. What device invented in the 20th century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes? Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

I'm as sad as an upside-down smile. You mean a frown?

Oh! "Anyhoo," your net suits will let you experience... Fry's worm-infested bowels... as if you were actually wriggling through them. There's no part of that sentence I didn't like. Is everyone present? - We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely.

with a big, big crown!

It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me. If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way, score some fancy cologne at the newsstand, I'll be exactly on time. You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning,

And one more to wash that Slurm taste out of my mouth. So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet.

For your information, I did this all by myself.

I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point. Let the games begin!

Dare I even ask what horrors are behind that door? It's where I keep my warning signs, all right? Stop asking questions! Fine. Can I go now? The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes.

Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop! I say. What's that they're flinging at us?

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I...

For, you see, you are a were-car. A were-car? The car that ran you down on the moors was also a were-car. It beamed the virus to you through its demonic headlights. That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true.

(CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it.

The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter.

Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts. Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha. What's wrong with you guys? This is comedy gold. He always had my back. So I'll take his arm.

Her caviar is on your neck!

Folks, that tanker gave us the slip. But we'll stop 'em here on Pluto. If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right.

Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working.

A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

This will not stand!

If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad.

Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace. You seem a bit tense. Here, try these.

Him do good Snu-snu.

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards.

I didn't create anything. I stole it. Stealing is a form of creativity. No, it isn't. Guys, come on out. (ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it?

But the only gas compressor on this planet is inside Bender's ass. Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does. Nevertheless, Bender's gas blaster may be our only hope.

- I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What?

You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Says who? I didn't witness anything!

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good.

Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere.

(ALL CHEERING) Kill-check two is go.

So, I'm sending you on one last mission.

It's Fry. Wiggles?

You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not. What is this, high school? Locker check.

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor. Ooh! Cushiony. And a mini bar.

Really? No! Don't! Moron!

Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds. How can Zoidberg walk out with that much weight?

50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35!

I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet. Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone. Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown.

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper?

This is my cloning machine. This is where I keep various lengths of wire. And those are the Harlem Globetrotters. ALL: The Globetrotters? What you doin' wearin' an ascot, brother? I think it looks nice. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional--

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha! Greetings, superheroes. Remember me?

(CROWD CHEERING) Hooray for the pigs! Graduates, you are hereby officially cops. Now move it along, nothing to see here. (ALL CHEERING)

It Og's first time. Be gentle!

(CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY) (BOTH SCREAM) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Amy, mission profile. Interesting. Interesting. Dr. Zoidberg, mission bag?

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden.

Let's go get drunk.

(GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out. (SIGHS) Then we have no choice.

Why always the fighting?

Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately?

So long, space heroes. You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela.

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate.

Whoa! Even with harps, that's still the famous Oktoberfest Chicken Dance! (CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats!

What time is it?

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela.

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going?

And the nominees for best actor are--

What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody!

I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza.

What category are they on? They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are-- Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine,

So are carrots, but you don't see me injecting them between my toes.

You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!

Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work!

My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything?

(ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

(STRAINING) I still can't do it. Well, what do you know? I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV.

Oh, no, no. It's really twice the size. You can use the floor, and I'll have the ceiling. See? Kif, you have so much creativity and niceness, but I'm not sure if I-- Hush. Before you answer, come thither.

Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination. Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees!

Darn it! I'll be right back. (SNORING) Hermes, oh, you foolish man, what do you need a Cylon eye for? Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

(CATS MEOWING IN AGONY) MAN: Shut up!

Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for!

You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

The final solar flare is going to bypass Earth and strike Mars.

What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please!

I can quit anytime I want.

if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh.

Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do?

Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'! Ow! Lousy primitive body!

Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight.

You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks.

He must have jumped ship with the atom the second we landed. Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style.

Why, Antonio? Because...

After weeks of searching, I'm proud to introduce the five people willing to participate. Tonya, Bender, Greg, some kind of blob monster, and Petunia! The extra clicking you'll hear is gonna be my hip.

So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

That guy won't be going home to his kids.

But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand? Sir, I'm outfitting an expedition to a monastery high in the Himalayas. I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way.

Well? Speak up. You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor? Aye. Aye.

(BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender.

This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS)

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one.

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box?

Splinkies! What was that?

Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

(GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

Here's corpsey!

into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell. This is Bolt Rollins. Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA. (GRUNTS)

Escaped? No one escapes. This guest does not look 160. What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample.

NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. Where do you think you're going, No-cat?

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Say, would you Farnsworths care to be my guests tomorrow at the Astor Endowment Fundraiser? All the best families will be there. We can take them.

Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs.

I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help.

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

Of course. Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch.

We're okay on Coke syrup. Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin! The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done.

Whew! That was close, eh, Fabricio? (GASPING) Fabricio! Rest in peace, homie.

I'll thinks it overs while I engages this $5 hooker. Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library.

Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage!

In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh!

Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

Free soda for all humans!

I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want. Like this video of you doing karate in your underpants. (EXCLAIMING) (GROANS) Help! Police! Send. That is low, Bender, even by your standards. My what now?

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew. Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool. Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation. Help, help!

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup! Good dog.

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

My broken friend is closer to me Than an ass to a chair Hmm. That robot's name I never told you Who's that? You could not foresee Come on. Give it up. I'll say it loud and sing it proud

(CHEERING) These old doomsday devices are dangerously unstable. I'll rest easier not knowing where they are. So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time.

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person.

No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet?

Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

(YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine. What else is on? (SWITCHES TV CHANNEL) (GRUNTS)

Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Vamanos! So, Amy, um-- Well, uh-- It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know.

Phew! It is ripe in here. Well, so long, jerks. We are now in minute five of our round-the-clock coverage as we await the return of the courageous robot. (YELLING) (GRUNTING)

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

That clover helped my rat fink brother steal my dream of going into space. Now I'll never get there. You went there this morning for doughnuts.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted.

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now?

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you?

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes!

Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you?

I'm sick of my head doing things.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women,

Thank you, Don-bot. Joey Clamps, Donnie B.

Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here. Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

(LAUGHS) I'll make this simple. Our money or your life. Sardini?

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know.

Other than, "Absolutely not." Your loss is a tragedy, but our work-- Ah! Come on! You guys have forever to look for God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend! He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God. Oh, how convenient. A theory about God...

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table.

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa! Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder!

Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune!

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor.

VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in.

Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either. If you even tell anyone I was here, they'll say I set the fire.

Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation.

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened?

Come on, Leela. You can do it! Hurry, we're missing our bus!

So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary--

Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup! Ahhh! Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex. Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal. Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door!

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man.

Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

See that magnificent heavily guarded cask? All the beer's in there. Ahh! Not all the beer.

What if we help you get your passion back without the hassle of mutilating me? Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars. Hmm. Sounds interesting. But he would never do it. Like hell I wouldn't. I'm not gonna be blamed for not going. Then it's a deal. We get one night.

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours,

Happy New Year!

Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial.

Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing. Those stupid mutants can't do anything. You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was--

All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang.

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

I was maimed building the great brewery. Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth. And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime.

No! Please. Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump.

Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along! (BELL TOLLING) Nope. (BIRD CHIRPING) Nope.

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

Animals, attack! Please do not feed the animals!

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

There they are!

Supermen lead, 45-42. Arachneon with the steal, to Thorias. Thorias from downtown. Yes! He's really showing us what a man with a cannon in his chest can do. No showboating, you atomic hot dog!

I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity.

Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word. As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"?

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Have you ever been on TV before? Once, when I took those hostages. I saw that! You were good. Let's hear you audition. Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent.

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land?

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING) Look out for the next thing!

It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law. Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel. (ALL SCREAMING)

What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser.

The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he? (GASPING) Bender? (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I'll save you, pants! Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need?

Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me?

(BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow! I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working!

He shut you up, O'Connor. Mr. Waterfall, you may now present arguments...

I can't believe the Zookeeper is this late for his own heist. It's just... rude.

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do. Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did-- Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch--

Okay, good! On three!

Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't... Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you.

Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on. Hey, check out the palm tree.

Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett.

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

- Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

You know, Kif, once my woman returns I won't have much time to hang out with the boys anymore. That's a shame, sir. So let's make the most of our time together shall we?

As long as I don't have to parallel park. If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING) Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter? Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality.

you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

(CROWD CHEERING) Bendee-Bendee-Boo! (ALL SHOUTING) What's all this ruckus? People live here, you know.

Stop them! They cheated!

It's so quiet. I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh!

Harder! Harder!

What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there.

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo! Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality.

Can't we just go? Mm-mmm. Not until you blow something up. Aww, man. Uh... Just pick something and blow it up so I can get home in time for The Finder Outer. Oh...

Space pirates! Space pirates?

Holy moly! Lady, you don't know me, but my name is Abner Doubledeal. Wait, I know you. You're Abner Doubledeal.

makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,

I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding. Liftoff! I'll roger that.

Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead." "I will now make my closing statement. "With my fiancÉ deceased "I hereby return "to my single female lawyer career no matter what any man says."

Aah! Uhh! You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry?

(GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man.

Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there. Brothers and sisters, let us pry.

"We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky." And... cut! Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh?

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before.

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now. It's Fry. Wiggles?

They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home

I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

All right! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns. He's good all right, but he's no Clem johnson. And johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory. Clem johnson?!

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost!

They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots.

Ooh! That one! Ahhh, yes. It was 13 years ago next week. I used this very fork. Oh, well, isn't that-- Ugh! Hey! Next week will be my birthday too! That's true! If only there were a way... to have one party for both of you here at the office,

You're on a scenic route through a state recreation area known as the human mind. You ask a passerby for directions, only to find he has no face or something. Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding:

Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's.

The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk?

If rescue doesn't come soon, they may never again not see the light of day. - Linda? - (LAUGHS) The situation is grim, Morbo. Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord.

I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it?

You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job?

and earn some extra cash? No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out.

No one except a legendary limbo champion.

I don't care how much trouble I get in. I needed to feel my lips pressed... against your lipless beak. Oh, Amy, I can't stand having a whole universe between us. I've been thinking a lot about this, and, well, would you move in with me?

Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this. We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

Due to budget cutbacks, we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen. (SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, boo-hoo. Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far.

You'd better eat quickly, Philip. You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight. I'd rather have one last night with my family. You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us?

That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets. If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement! Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer!

Application for ingress approved.

Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that, I now know exactly how to end my comic book. Let's watch. FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead, because I'm going to shoot you in it!

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

Liftoff! I'll roger that. Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried?

I wish. Those cats can really fly.

This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo!

I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill. Wait. I'll perform the surgery. You? With those clumsy claws? It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work.

Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes.

Oh, what's the point? Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want.

Must kill all...

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello,"

Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up.

Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. (SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview? Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty.

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents.

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door! Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me.

Choke on that, causality!

(POWER SURGING) (BOTH LAUGHING) It's both disgusting and inspiring, like Jared from Subway. Okay, I'm a freak with a singing butt boil,

Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah?

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored.

Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain We are getting awfully tired and we can't work any faster And we're very, very sorry Why, you selfish little bastards Do you want the kids to think that Santa's just a crummy, empty-handed jerk Ow!

Hold out your arm. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Wow! FRY: Ugh! My old house. There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you.

I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile. All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much.

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed.

Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on! Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god!

Whoa. Whoa. I wish this moment could last forever. Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING)

What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution? 1776 and what all?

Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has.

Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody.

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy.

(GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh!

If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah.

just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip.

Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research.

just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

(BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

Bender, are you okay? What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."

(CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass.

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it.

I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

The carts go out full, but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep. But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery. Hey, I like the way you think.

Who the hell knows?

Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma.

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage. I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away.

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

We can't get through. The planet's blockaded. That won't stop us. Activate cloaking device. There's no such thing. Then engage deflector shields. That's from TV, Geordi. Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have?

you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now.

Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys.

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily.

My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record."

Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig. Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke?

We've been walking for hours. I hope we can find our way back. Don't worry, I left a trail of bread crumbs. And I left a trail of cigars. You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion. Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice.

Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

So I ask you who will stand up and be saved? Who? Who?! Me.

Hey, boss looks like somebody beat us to it. I'll assume that's a joke at my expense. Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade.

Come on, Fry, let's go home and...

Hey, where's my shoes?

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan.

Hello. Mmm. Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo.

Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh!

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

Well, into the toilet.

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them?

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

You touched me in ways I've never been touched before.

Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi.

All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial. Prosecutor?

That's the best thing I ever saw.

and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife. Not now! Hyper-malaria can lie dormant for years. Isn't that what you said?

(SCATTING) (BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez.

You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape!

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa

Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you?

Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear.

Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS) (THUDDING)

This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'! I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back? Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel. Oh, please. Really?

Looming ahead, nature's waterfall, the cliff of the waters. Ah. It sure is relaxing getting swept along by this current. Oh, my! Oh, dear! Oh, yes!

How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

at the current market price, which is-- 107! Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire!

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

(HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps,

Well, my shiny friend, yer days of carousin' are over. But yer nights of endless, monotonous rotatin' have just begun. Now what say I read you a nice passage from the Scripture to help you forget yer old master?

Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking! My God! Saint James was a robot!

It takes any object and makes two smaller copies. All right! Why? You see, as I age, I've been shrinking and feeling colder. So now I need twice as many sweaters, in a smaller size. First, I scan the old sweater.

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it.

Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

It's some kind of deluxe apartment in the sky. (LAUGHING) (GASPS)

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist. Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot.

(SNIPPING) Hubert, I'm sorry. Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

What the what? Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift! I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families.

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony?

You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh. Oww!

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles...

Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell?

I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. I mean, her. Wait, help me out here.

We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here. Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet. No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock.

I watch TV with that guy. Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses

Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Oh. That's a little bright.

We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me.

On the whole, Earth's society is worthless. But they do have these things called antique rugs that are great for peeing on. (RUMBLING)

Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky. DR. ZOIDBERG: I always come in stinky. LEELA: Stand by. The competition's about to begin. Oh! Hold your fire until Calculon's performance weakens the ego. Roger. Stinky over.

No. Aah! This is not happening.

Aah! Damn you! Doh! There! Now, when I'm found in a million years,

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat.

I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago When a happy thought dispelled my woe And I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull "If I sliced up his cyborg skull"

(LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send.

Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care. Well, I'm smart and I care too much.

It merits years of study. But how can we move such a fragile, precious... (SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through! No, no, no, no, no!

Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Wong. I'll get your cattle back or die trying.

Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police!

Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

(BENDER CHUCKLING)

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck.

All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow!

Sorry we're late. We all got sick from eating bad bologna. Y2K. What's he so worked up about? He's just upset 'cause our boy's missing. Come on, you overgrown rat! Lead us to Philip.

I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug?

(CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze,

Hit the deck! Whew! That was close, eh, Fabricio? (GASPING) Fabricio!

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable!

It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body.

Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor. There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying!

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal.

And it's all thanks to you, Leela. Don't thank me. I should be punished. I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted. They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table.

That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING) (INAUDIBLE)

Calculon? No way! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yo, Calky! I'm a big fan, and I've got a big camera.

Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove.

(SCOFFS) You don't know what cold is. I was frozen for a thousand years. You were? Ha! Learn something dumb every day.

What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING)

Well, hello there, my furry friend.

Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president. Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator...

Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls?

Here is the culprit as photographed by our nanny-cam satellite. She must be sacrificed but the rest of you shall be spared. Boo! Boo!

Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh?

We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm!

Okay. So long, Your Majesty. There but for the flip of a coin go we.

We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery. Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then. See you in a week!

Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him. Aw. I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future.

Slow down there, Sigmund.

We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes!

Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

Curse my natural showmanship!

The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

Ordinarily, I'd say no and lecture you on how this is your own fault for being such an idiot.

We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES)

Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues.

Whee! Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING)

It's the most brutal form of competition in the galaxy. It is? There are no rules. Two robots enter. One robot leaves. Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner. That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain?

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

Here's the 200 feet of rope you ordered, Sheriff Furley. Hot diggity!

Ow! My small intestine! Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot. Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology.

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist!

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile.

One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

There they are!

Fine. Can I go now? The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow!

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined!

It's okay. They're not going anywhere.

Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards.

You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food. Right, Boxy?

Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men. (ALL CHUCKLING) But seriously, there are Moon Men.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you.

You said it! That's right. If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job.

I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

I wonder what shade of purple he'll be. (ALL GASP) Greetings, Princess Purpleberry. I am Lord Loquat, your new neighbor. You're coming to live here? There goes the purple-hood. (SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you.

I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash, my rage would've subsided. Sadly, that has not happened. You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card.

(ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor!

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together.

Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean? Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying.

And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up.

I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu. Then why'd you become a whale biologist? I don't know you well enough to get into that. Three hundred dollars, please.

Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster!

Why, Mr. Peppy, why? That tickles. (LAUGHING) (CRYING) Now I really do have to kill you.

No, my dearest. It's the remote control to my heart. It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. Will it work on my TV? We don't need TVs. We have each other! Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you,

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah!

Sorry. It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop!

No! That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts And the labor isn't easy Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker if you turn up the controls to superspeed It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray.

Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering.

I'm not from here. I have my own customs.

It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING) Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air?

Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise.

You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy!

(WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak? Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human! I'm Dr. Widnar, a naturalist. And I'm Bender, baby. My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side.

There he is. Seize him. Who said that?

Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

Come on. It'll be fun.

I'm too short to reach the hand brake!

Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my!

200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura.

I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species,

Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money.

(LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie. YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter. (BELL ON DOOR DINGS)

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING)

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible.

Well, well, well, the lady Leela. Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction. So, trapped on a ship with me. What say you and I knock some very sensual boots? It's tempting but, uh,

That thing doesn't have emotions, Fry. Its brain is the size of a walnut. So are walnuts, and they're delicious. I'll miss you, Mr. Peppy, but you'll be happier here. (MUTTERING) So, go on, go.

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space.

Is someone fired?

how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

But make it snappy.

But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon.

Yeah, what are you, chicken?

Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar.

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords.

The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

Uh, about the success of this quest... Was there any? Quite possibly. But we monks have sworn an oath to resist the temptation of... Any of you guys got a spaceship?

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot.

Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet. Why can't they go today? Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive.

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first!

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm.

I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry.

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey.

Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

Hey, what can I get y'all? Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco. (GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker. So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life.

(OWL HOOTING) Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance?

Get me the president. Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him.

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I...

Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party.

Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden? Um, we're just cool is all.

Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County.

The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting. What party do you belong to, Bender? Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

They buried your brother in the "World Heroes" section? I'm impressed. I should be the one in that grave!

I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now! (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms!

Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face.

There's no trace of Inspector 5!

Boy, what is the deal with the ocean? A tropical island, huh? Well, I've washed up in worse places. Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter.

Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly. Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment.

Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more!

One more lap! Nah, half a lap.

Ah, now for a dash of salt.

Whoa, is that a fleam?

Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you? Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too? Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

(GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said.

using high-speed telepathy.

Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here! Quick, Fry, run for it! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got! Oh, mama.

It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back!

so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough.

Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up?

(WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no!

This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court. Motion destroyed. The hunt shall resume at sunup.

Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself?

Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate--

And this time I mean it!

(SNIPPING) Hubert, I'm sorry.

Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that?

If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like?

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew!

Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town. That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

Show me where he touched you on this dried-apple doll.

The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops.

Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure. Eww!

clamp number one! Sorry, toots. No, Clamps. No clamps. Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do.

But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives! These are sailors' lives, Bender. Think of the untold cursing that would be lost to future generations. Could you live with that? You know the answer, you scurvy bastard!

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS)

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death.

(GRUNTING) Hey, stop that. Senator Travers? That's no way to win an election. (SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message. I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog.

Your mission is to infiltrate the Info-Sphere... and plant this quantum interface bomb, blasting them into an alternate universe from which there is no return. Then, outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Jr.

(GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING) There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES) (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

Where's Leela? Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

My God. It's full of ads. Whoo!

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses?

I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on!

Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic.

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching!

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before.

I love you, buddy.

Submerge the prisoners! Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God! Mutate! Mutate! Mutate! Turanga Leela!

Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.

No time off! Oh, man.

Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it.

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back after these messages. Mom, why is there orange in my Purpleberry Puffs? As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries.

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you. Thanks. But no one can give me what I really want. I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof.

That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired.

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax!

That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING)

Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry. And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me. Brace yourselves, everyone. We're entering the interior of Fry's nose.

You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so. Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful--

All our modern technology is useless. I know I am. Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

I guess it's just me and you, chicken hat.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere.

She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie.

No, sir, but how would you like to be part of an exciting business retreat? Hmm. Just don't drop me off on an asteroid like the last guy did. Okay, team, if I can trust a total stranger, you can sure as heck trust your own coworkers. In fact, I'm gonna make the first trust fall of the week,

No, that's how you always look.

It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer...

Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic.

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle!

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe. Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit. Wait a moment.

Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

Oh! Ow. What? Oh! Today, I've personalized each of your meals.

Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you.

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences!

Wow. A whole planet of old people. Where is it? Nobody knows.

Faster. It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze under there. No one except a legendary limbo champion.

I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Your intruder, Mother. (EXCLAIMS) That is one skugly critter. (GRUNTS) I'm not an animal, I'm a mutant being, and I demand to know where I am. There. LEELA: Momsanto?

It's been 50 years since they disappeared.

for all eternity.

Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs,

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti. (ALL SCREAMING)

But, ah, to amaze the crowd once more. I understand the problems of age, but suppose I could put you in a new body? Never! My body may be old, but it is mine, and every crack a memory of heavy things shot a long way. Good day!

But if it must be so, then let a museum heist be pulled! Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine.

Ah... Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

The diamond still didn't break! Now you'll never know how much I love you. (BOTH EXCLAIM) FRY: It went kersplitters. Fry, I don't need a diamond.

You're all losers. My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here. I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across campus and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth. Yeah, well, a lot of them were children.

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails?

My pants! My lucky pants!

Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh... Princess? Yes! That! (ALL EXCLAIMING) A one-eyed princess in a long, flowing tank top.

Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human!

Don't drop that there. Oh... Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes

Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

It beamed the virus to you through its demonic headlights.

That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes.

Oh, go ahead, you've earned it. Very well. Just one.

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes.

See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst.

Mom on deck! Ten... Ho! All right, grunts, here's your pre-mission pep talk. Shoot anyone who doesn't obey hard enough. But... Stop gaining knowledge, Hubert. (GRUNTING) It's a simple mission. The grunts catch the alien, the surgeon guts it,

So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start. So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh. I'm so into you.

My ass is my soul mate. It even has its own hind-brain. Really? Your butt can think? No. But it can feel. And right now, it's hind-heartbroken! Just like me! (SOBBING) Wow, Bender. This is really important to you, isn't it?

Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"?

Hubert, I'm sorry.

I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together. Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex.

Hey, let me try it. Whoa, that gives me a headache.

Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts.

How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while. Hear, hear! Yeah. You're darn right!

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Oh, no, they caught my scent. I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip.

He decided not to let go.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

How do I put this delicately? I'm smellier than a whorehouse's outhouse! That's terribly vivid. Doesn't matter to me though, I was born with no sense of smell. Really? My name's Marianne. Hello, you! (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said--

Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go.

The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir?

I'm seeing a movie with friends.

"Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before?

I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila! The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing.

You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift-- Mine!

BENDER: Where are we? I have no idea. (BOTH EXCLAIM) Hey, we're just a stone's throw from Tijuana. See?

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

(EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky! FARNSWORTH: I'll show that banana-swilling poop-slinger!

(GASPS) Vaxtron! It's not what it looks like!

Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here. Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek!

really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier.

Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players.

When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever. The correct answer is to be a superhero.

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

He could be a storage closet For outdated pants I like 'em tight

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan.

Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock? I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No!

Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing. It's so big and empty.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

(BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing? What I was trained to do. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) What did you say to them? Eh... Just that Captain Brannigan confused the word for "congratulations"

I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah?

Come to mention it, yes.

Good news, everyone!

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful.

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us,

No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days.

he'll save us from--

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man?

But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

(CAR STARTING) (TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition? I don't have any hands.

You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action! I like ice cream.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library. And so life returned to normal, or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball...

Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in.

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues.

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk. NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

It's all so beautiful, I forgot how many hundreds of degrees below zero it must be. I just wish I could convince the others you're alive. You can. All you have to do is wake up. No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream!

Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn.

Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D.

I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

Please use the beeps. Oh! Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

What vulnerable opening? All death spheres have one vulnerable opening.

I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

Let's do it again sometime.

There's just no place for me in this world. Although, on the other hand...

Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology!

Oh, Mars Day much better than Earth Day. Dump trash wherever you want. Big, empty planet. Okay, then. Make yourselves at home. Don't mind if I already did. By the way, do you have any more of this Dom Perignon bubble bath? There was only enough to fill the tub halfway.

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

That's coming out of your pay.

the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

(SCREAMING) Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops. (BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea.

Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror.

Well, I got it. Now what, Captain? You know, I'm not sure. I guess I thought whales died when you harpooned them. Ah! Don't worry. I'll drop the anchor.

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet!

Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries. Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no. Oh, my. There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. And that's the ultimate secret of the universe?

(SCREECHING) (GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals?

And the winner is... Robot House?!

If it takeS forever I Will wait FoR you

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news.

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

I don't want to be rescued. Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor. Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top. And she had a beautiful, scaly tail and I think she had hair extensions. You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids? There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg.

Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump. Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition.

Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for!

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now!

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

We'll do it. Very well, then. Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs.

You know the one I mean. Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space. Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Red-hot glowing ass!

(DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING) How... How did it go? Just perfect.

and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter.

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so.

Oh, fiddlepoop! Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick. No, but theirs are! (ALARM SOUNDING) Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine. Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh...

All right, all right. What do we do when we break somebody's window? Pay for it? Oh, heaven's no! We apologize with nice cheap words. I thought I heard the doorbell, but I see it was the "dork-bell."

Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste.

I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Wait. That's the bead you traded your land for? It's a gigantic diamond! That thing must be worth a fortune! Really? Ahh! Whew!

Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can. (GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow.

We want to salvage a cargo ship that sank carrying this robot's rear end. Aye, I'll help ye for a cut of the booty. Now, when you say a cut of the booty... I mean a percentage of the value of the recovered goods. Now be gettin' some rest. The booty call is at daybreak.

Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

Leela, those eyes look so great on you.

But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking.

Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration. That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow!

(MINER GRUNTS) (ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye.

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks. You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start.

Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it.

(GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk? I'm kind of busy.

Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time... to tell you of the many ways I love you. Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever.

I'm the greatest, baby! You go, Beachmaster! And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator. Good night.

Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonight. Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race! But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set, the popular TV show All My Circuits...

Those were dark times.

No. Then... Then...

Whew! Whew! Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

The common cold died out 500 years ago,

This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo! Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride!

(SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right. We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever. Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage.

And the box itself is probably worth something too.

Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though.

That's coming out of your pay.

So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy. Should we call child services? No, let's just get outta here. Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

(ALL EXCLAIM) We're back, baby!

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS) Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world!

Kings? Silence!

(WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak? Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human! I'm Dr. Widnar, a naturalist. And I'm Bender, baby.

Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Fry, you half-mad, half-insane maniac be reasonable. Don't you realize that if you stay at this depth your body will permanently adapt to the pressure? Realize it? I don't even understand it.

The time skips are worse than ever now. Isolated spots are jumping by years at a time. Look! Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money! Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer--

I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace. Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons. I'll test it out on that innocent bystander. Ow! Yo, you just shot yourself again! It's a trick! Get 'em! (ALL GRUNTING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING) (ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge.

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down.

Get ready, Fry. I'm going to rip your swim bladder out and show it to you. Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love!

I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life

My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes. Aw... what's the point?!

What in Babylon? no!

My experiment measures the effect of microgravity on the propagation of the common cold virus in an anaerobic environment, i.e., space. Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son.

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron.

You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing.

but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge. Why would he go to Queens? He doesn't need tires.

Hmm. I think I'm noticing a pattern. My God, you're right! The locations form a perfect shape of some kind.

Isn't this the last night of Kwanzaa? Who the hell knows? Finally, a bee farm that's open late on Kwanzaa. Madam, I need beeswax. You sure you don't need a little honey, handsome? Maybe a taste of sweet nectar straight from the hive?

But we're plotzing here!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience!

We made it! And some of the animals survived. So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary--

Hey, sugar cookie!

That's impossible.

This mission is incredibly dangerous. Someone's sure to be killed. Fry, Leela, Bender-- Damn you, old man!

after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill. Knock yourselves out! Whoo-hoo! I'm slightly richer!

What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine. Oh, my, yes. Thank you all for saving me-- especially you, my little clone.

Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen!

I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much. He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler? Nibbler?

We're whalers on the--

So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit! Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad.

Yep. Stolen Pez anyone?

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You. Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle.

What people skills! She's completely perfect! In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor, she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant.

Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin.

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

Hear my words. I believe I, the most humble member of Action Delivery Team, could do such a dance. (LAUGHS) Surely your hard shell is too rigid. I call on anyone but you to do the peace dance. (GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help. Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate!

How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank? That part will be easy, thanks to the nice people at Mom's Old-fashioned Video Surveillance Unit. Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

Those women you saw me with were my accountants.

I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper. BENDER: I'm back!

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart. The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever. Stay strong, Fry. You're the best friend I have left. And I barely even know you.

Then shut your yaps and back to work Now it's very nearly Xmas We've done the best we could These toy soldiers are poorly painted And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly

Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later? Not if Zoidberg eats the money.

(ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

We did it! Melllvar's got a spaceship!

All medalists report for gender testing. You actually thought they'd let you walk away without an engine-oil sex check? Oh, God! I'm not gonna get my medals! They're all I have to remember my Olympic career. Wait! I've got it! Professor, make a woman out of me.

We're back, baby!

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

but what else is new?

Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience.

Wait. What about a dimensional drift? If it went through the fourth dimension before,

We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus.

Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one!

I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot, sting like an automatic stinging machine. Bender, you can't be an ultimate robot fighter. It's the most brutal form of competition in the galaxy. It is? There are no rules. Two robots enter. One robot leaves.

Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart.

He won't wake up if we stay quiet.

there will be terrible consequences.

Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision. Granted, all that makes perfect sense. But why is this death sphere destroying planets? That makes the most sense of all.

That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn!

whoever he is. Am I right? And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula 25-star General Zapp Brannigan.

Fry, I don't need a diamond. You've given me the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough. A swell gal like you deserves better. LEELA: What's that?

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still.

No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece! Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter,

But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING)

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it.

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon.

I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot.

See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow!

Oh, sweet legal tender. Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind.

Let the hunt begin!

I don't believe it!

Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy.

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go! (WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President.

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus.

All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium.

Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh.

Yay! Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

For a thousand years, the evil brains have been constructing the Info-Sphere, a giant memory bank twice the size... of three ordinary memory banks. What's so evil about that? They plan to collect all the information in the universe... and store it within the sphere.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial

The weasel! Ha-ha! Hey, listen, Skippy.

I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself.

We stole it! Oh, crumb! What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me!

- Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it. Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh!

What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right?

That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break. Sorry to interrupt this whirlwind of activity, but we have an announcement.

No! I want the real teen experience--

I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it! Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities?

She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing? - Would you like to take a moment to register me? - I said later.

Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night.

Stop acting so stupid!

Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant.

Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

I'm as worthless as this trash can. You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raisin' six kids, ya dumb townie!

Thanks, Professor, but I don't want the treatment. Don't you understand, you little nitwit? Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age... will be to grow into it, just as God intended.

Tragic romances always have a happy ending.

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again.

You lack the will of a warrior.

Silence. It is time to put the humans to death. But the judge already sentenced us at the trial. Silence. That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender.

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm.

You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on!

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl.

But I promise, I'll make up a better story and come back again. Please don't. See you soon.

The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey!

Ah. You can't go wrong with a still suit.

I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you. Sir, they're headed straight for us.

Oh, that feels good. Yep.

We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word?

In tears! I'm changing the channel.

You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev.

Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't!

On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be?

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS)

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth. He always has time for me, whether it's sending me on a delivery,

Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it?

Well, that was pointless. Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me... to ask how you got that stylish head wound. Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain.

- Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy. What?! It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder.

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING) (ALL CHEERING)

Come on, girdle. Hold.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how.

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist.

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this.

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo.

Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING)

How does a nobody like me get famous? I know! Hey, look! I'm stuck, but I haven't given up hope. Call a soft-news journalist. You're not stuck. Shut up.

Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder.

Did, um-- Oh! Flexo! So the moral of the story is...

Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up?

but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago.

Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely.

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Like, yikes! (CRASHING) (CANNED LAUGHTER) It's time to spring into action, gang. Okay. Rabbit goes around the tree. There.

He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs.

In other local news disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan today when a titanium mine collapsed trapping 1,000 robot workers. What? Lord have mercy! Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years. Sir, what rescue operations are planned?

(BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing? What I was trained to do. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) What did you say to them?

Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh--

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn

I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery. Well, my legs are made of rubber.

In your entire life, your only half-decent invention was me, and I didn't turn out like you wanted either. You folks still doing all right? Oh, yes, Elzar. Good. 'Cause it turns out I forgot to cook that chicken.

Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no. If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000.

Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization.

Not one more word shall I breathe. Not even about the great fountain where thou mayest find the... Wait... Thou didst not know about the fountain, didst thou? Curses! I must be punished. (GROANING) Quick, we must find out what he knows before he flays himself to death!

Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING)

Next: New New York in crisis. Morbo? Thanks, human female. Puny earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York. Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

Help! Thank God this log is sturdy. Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us.

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need. Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?!

Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man. Mm.

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film. My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

For this demonstration - I've placed one of Mother's bras on ignor. The robot controller is nestled here in the left cup. Never fear.

You idiot. I'm not a cannon. Huh. I guess I am a cannon. (MOANS) Time to prune the family tree.

The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

I can't. Not when I believe with all my heart that this marriage is a mistake. I know you're upset that your parents broke up. But what if Zapp really does make Munda happy? What if they're meant to be together? Fry, that's just so... I can't even believe... You are so totally... Right. You're right.

We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there. Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but...

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness!

Next up, in what is generously called "the talent competition" performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the-- Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp!

No! Honk! Honk!

Good work, everyone.

I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING) How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo!

What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning.

Well, things are starting to look up. Look up! Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?

How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Wait a second! If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme, and you could indulge your demonic food lust. (GASPS) We're just the people this mind switcher was made for by us! Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out.

Put down h-bar, carry the infinity, and...

For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me.

Oh, yeah? Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor!

Well, I'm rich. Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated. Come on. It'll be fun.

I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic. Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do?

Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal. Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions.

Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet.

this Cadillac of men,

I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad?

Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will

Shut up, Zoidberg! The robot bending events are starting.

Is any of this getting through to you?

Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood. Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter.

You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry...

Leela, Professor, don't do this! It's too exciting!

It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

This is unbelievable. The old Bender never would have taken us out to dinner. The old Bender's gone. He won't trouble you anymore. Would monsieur care to see the wine list?

I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Zoidberg said some dumb stuff but he's a nice guy, really. It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet? Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What?

and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello. Also Wolfman. Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing. Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number.

Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

After that, I don't know. This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking.

But, tell us, how could a city with such a... fabulous airport end up underwater?

Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

What is? General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this.

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel.

Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise.

You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!"

Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender.

Sentimental drivel poop!

I'm great! Everybody else sucks!

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes.

Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way. (TAPE BEEPS) (RECORDER CLICKS) Nice to meet you, Larry Bird. Okay, let's clone us a whole team of Larry Birds.

Kiff, get me ten cases of Pert 'n' Popular. What shall I do with your jergens, sir? Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows.

This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman. Of course! Duh! It's an important unit.

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

- Agreed? - Agreed.

Perfect. This ought to make me stand out. Look how ridiculous they look. Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies.

Well, you didn't!

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

Now, you should be happy that they became successes... instead of following in your food stamps.

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight,

I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought. I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope. You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right. Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp!

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You.

(CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus!

Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

(SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message.

Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter...

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day?

I've only been here a day, and already I'm a Hollywood phony. Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz. Since when have you been in the biz? Long enough, little man. Long enough.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Uh, Nibbler, could you scooch the seat up just a little bit?

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender.

Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me. Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

No time for an injection. (ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day? Huh?! I mean, unless it'd make you feel bad being a third wheel. Hey, I can get a date, too. Now that I'm single I'll attract all sorts of women. With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman.

A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela! If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Is that what this is all about? Please, just cut it out now. Look, Leela. I know there's some perfect, amazing thing I can do to make you love me. And when I figure out what it is-- Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever--

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19.

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation.

Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on. Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on.

Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared.

All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew. I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool.

Why didn't you just leave a message, sweetie? Well, um, I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine, but you never seem to get them. Bender! It's not my fault if you don't check me. Messages erased.

(FRY SNEEZES) Hello?

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

Hit it, Bender! Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit

I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans. Good for you. Now, let's all get back to the ship. What for? We're rescuing you. I don't want to be rescued. Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends.

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels!

But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times. Leela, that was great! Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it! And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic.

Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished?

Whoa, whoa. Wait, Bender. As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun.

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology.

A fancy dress gala?

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world!

Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe! Now, stand back and watch the master at work. Whoo! You can do it, Calc-y! No. He can't. You beg my pardon?

You really think I have a chance? Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters. Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins.

just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy. This solar system is, like, way old! Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash!

Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain!

I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more,

To the ship! Why don't you just walk?

How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine...

Been alone here, tending this light longer'n I can remember. (BELL DINGS) That'll be my cup-a-soup. It's been microwavin' longer'n I can remember. This is a dangerous coast. We didn't see your light until it was too late. No beam can pierce that devilish mist. Shipwrecks be so common,

Clamps! No, no. Line? No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses.

Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over.

I'm gonna get my puppy back! In your face, Grim Reaper! Crappy, ineffective Reaper. I just need to reset the Clone-O-Mat from human mode... to dog mode. The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

Go satisfy your bend lust, and don't you come back to work until you do!

Howdy, friends. Welcome to Mars. Thanks so much for inviting us, Mr. Wong. I've never been to a Mars Day barbecue. Oh, Mars Day much better than Earth Day. Dump trash wherever you want. Big, empty planet. Okay, then. Make yourselves at home. Don't mind if I already did. By the way,

And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much. You did? What happened? I was robbed. They got everything, except these.

I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness.

Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night?

No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy.

Ouch! It's a three-beanball salad. The Mets fans love it, though, and who can blame them? They haven't had much to cheer about this year. Ooh! Kid, that was great. You got us more publicity than a cowboy in a shark tank.

And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air. Him pending para un bending.

Sorry. I overslept.

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

Let's do it again sometime. The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air.

The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on. Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. Can you at least tell us what's going on down there? We're certainly not building something sinister, if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself.

The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile.

No! (SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.

That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets. If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done?

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No?

Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

Son, as your lawyer,

Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade. Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized.

I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. A toy Bender had free will, and the real Bender didn't? Pretty cool, eh? It makes you think. It takes more than that to make me think. Now, hand it over. Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the...

Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

Washbucket full. Scruffy's work here is done. (CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy.

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

Oh, it's hopeless. I did something so great that it won Leela's heart,

A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy.

(GROANING) ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No!

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

So where's the celebrity dating place? Let's search the Web. Over there. Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock.

Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand.

Get out of here before you get caught. Bender, good news. Your album just went gold. What the...? It's the humans! Bender, do something! Got you, you murderous flesh-piles.

And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine.

There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff.

Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything.

No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly. Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I.

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me.

Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels." (ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. "You've been warned, people."

(BOTH MOANING) We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Hit it, rubes! (CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here! Eh, I'm still working on that one.

Find that apple. It's down there somewhere. (SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA.

Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream.

Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

Why are you rednecks doing this? Leela, don't stereotype. Why are you yokels doing this? I may be just a backwoods septic tank, but I've had it up to here with you foreigners.

If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you. - Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize.

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy!

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is-- 107! Whoa! Ow!

Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job! (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight!

Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Next up, the Planet Expresses ship. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk!

Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly. Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world.

We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things (ALL CHEERING) Say more things like that.

I feel better now. (HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day?

Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency. We must warn the mayor. Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke.

Finally, get ready for some serious moon action. The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow.

a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh! The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect...

Then Kif flew Betsy, rescued me from the tornado,

Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal. Whatever happens, remember-- the flame of my eternal love will burn forever. Of course. But, smoochy-pops,

why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar!

Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be!

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you.

(BELL DINGS) I hear turkey. Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey! (LAUGHS)

That's it. You just made my list.

Oh. Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist.

What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root. Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex. Oh, that's ridiculous. I'll take two pounds. Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever.

Planet Express Ship, is something wrong? Oh, it's Bender. He's acting so strange lately. Do you think he's gonna ask me to marry him? Uh, no. Oh. Somebody knows something she's not telling.

But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones.

Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-- Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

(ALL SCREAMING) (ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart.

Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out. These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

(SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to.

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor. Wha-- Oh, right.

Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad. (SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats.

Oh. Well. So long anyway. Oh, I'm doomed! Everybody leave me alone. I don't wanna be seen this way. Aw, you look so sad. You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?

The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up.

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs.

Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING) What goes down must back up. (SEWAGE BUBBLING)

I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

Ooh, a can! As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one.

except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say. I, meanwhile, returned to my post,

Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! One down. Well, hello there, handsome.

Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe. I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.

We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick.

I appreciate your candor. I don't even know what language you're speaking.

Oh. Now I'm really outraged. Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card. Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it.

Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons...

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office! Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate.

Admit it. You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. Well, aren't they?

Leela, take my hand!

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children. We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting.

Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success.

Well, we're boned.

Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more,

Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy.

Hey, that's my watch.

I inherited my arm control software from my mom. That's how it's passed down, mother to son.

Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling. Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking! I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive.

No, we're fine. Don't worry about it. Keep it up, sistren. Only a few more miles to the cave. Let's just buckle down and... Look! A clearance sale! What? Where? (CLAMORING)

Oh, we were just cuttin' onions, honey. Let's keep going. "Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button." "You eat a sausage made of Fry." "Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What? All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp!

You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G... an...

And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping. (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) Who sent you? Why are you dressed like Fry?

I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans! He should have used Planet Express.

Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back.

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

There it is, the edge of the universe. Far out.

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it.

If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff.

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

I didn't want you to hurt me either.

Well, if it isn't old One Eye.

Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela.

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him.

Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down! Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth 'cause your taste buds are going on vacation. I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen!

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't.

...and Bigfoot is down!

Bam! So this is Little Neptune. Yep. Every chef knows this is the place to get exotic gourmet ingredients. Among other things.

No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh!

I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired.

- Yeah! - Cut it! Curse my natural showmanship! You big, fat fraud! You're not really broken! But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage!

(HEARTBEAT) No!

Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you.

Coilette, your death fills me with... Sorrow, anger, fear-- every emotion an actor can display.

The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door!

(GASPS) The ball of yarn! Quite.

You couldn't afford it, honey.

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean? Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was. Well, whatever it is, we'd better figure it out soon because that ship will reach Earth in two weeks. (ALL GASPING) That's a hell of a slow ship.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s

I've never been good with words-- which is why I'm in such a delicate conundrum.

Oh, here will I set up my everlasting rest and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last.

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out.

Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge.

You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots.

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

This might take a while. I've got to adjust the memory timing, raise the CPU voltage, and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship?

Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place. Because Honest Bender's Orphanarium means discount orphans. Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief.

Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella! Galloping gators! You're a superhero? Well, that's wonderful! But did you have to make the costume so revealing? Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero!

However, my client made no such decisions! But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software.

Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha.

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help!

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see. How exactly will this protect us from time jumps?

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man.

And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Today, I've personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony. Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove.

Nothin' but nebula.

What the... All right, good enough. Let's go. He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy. It's okay.

A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man, like I did as a baby. And so I make this solemn vow to do everything I can to make sure this wonderful, innocent creature enters this world happy, healthy, and... All yours, Zoidberg.

I'm not Fry. I'm his great-great-grandson, Fry. You are? My beak is different, see? It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island. Watch! I'm stuck! Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert? Lady what?

Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry. But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out. Yeah, but he might get kind of upset.

Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes.

Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew.

And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty. Ah, the 67th Amendment.

You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead! I'm expressing my sorrow. Get lost!

Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

Whew. That is one unlucky guy.

Nah. Now, that I like for some reason. (SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey.

Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me.

Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah

Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life.

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead.

(CHEERING) (SIGHS) You've been staring at that pumpkin for like, five seconds. What's up? It's... It's something about the color. (SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo.

Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp! Has the jury reached a verdict? Not just any verdict, Your Honor. A great verdict! They're going to take pity on him! Do something!

Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters. Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh!

Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300! I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Congratulations. Nice work. Way to go, squishy! There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process. That's birth for ya. Well, we've given them a great start, Amy. And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children.

The robots have taken Suffolk County.

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots.

What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

The Iron Cook Neptunian has gone all out to please the judges. He's even garnished the salad with $100 bills. Let's see what they think.

Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again. Come.

They're not fans. That's why Bender will have to make the actual delivery. Oh, I get it-- make the robot do all the work. This is the first actual work you've ever had to do around here. Well, I'm not doing it. It's a robot holiday.

Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die. (ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up.

Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair. Huh? It wasn't me. Must be some of that urine you're all so proud of. That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS)

The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face!

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him.

Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING)

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash.

Fine, fine. Get off my lawn. I'll have Agnew put in a call to Hollywood. (DIALING) (GROWLING) All right, let's laugh and learn.

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right. Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam!

Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song.

These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly. Hello. Hello, baby! Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me? Nikolai, you imperial fool.

Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out! So, do you guys know about anything else going on? Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad.

They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you. Let us in!

I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00. This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained--

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

Help, I'm drowning! Don't worry, son, you'll freeze before you drown.

Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea.

Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay.

Oh. Well, then there is one thing. It's the note I found with Leela the day she was abandoned. But it's written in Alienese, so no one on Earth can translate it. Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over! Sure. I just wish I could be more helpful. Would you like some dirt on any other orphans?

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee?

Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me?

You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point. What we need is an old-fashioned pine tree. Cram it, Virginia. Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years. Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life.

See you in class.

And now you're getting married. I love you, man.

And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions.

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat!

This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo! Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now. Hear my words. I believe I, the most humble member of Action Delivery Team, could do such a dance. (LAUGHS) Surely your hard shell is too rigid.

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me!

Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following.

That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about?

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs.

You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen. What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here?

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

Now I'm all you got! I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden? Um, we're just cool is all.

I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go!

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides. Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--"

Here's the entrance.

My baby's milk money!

Let's try him out. Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie!

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron!

Not bad for a city boy, huh? By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the ribbon-cutting ceremony of the DOOP's magnificent new headquarters a fitting home for an organization that has fostered peace throughout the universe--

He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny!

Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building?

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

(SCREECHING) (GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no.

Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me?

Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?!

I've got mail. Ooh! It's a party apparently. Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals. It all goes down this Saturday...

Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo. Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again.

I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Yes! Here I come, future!

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

This is hard. Now I know why butterflies are always so grouchy. ANNOUNCER: Please welcome tonight's volunteer victims, Turanga Leela and Amy Wong! Hang on. We're not quite ready to...

You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow.

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

- Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet. All right, here's the plan. Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everyone else, take five.

Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Whew. My God. It's the future.

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Food coloring? The most poisonous substance known to robots? Oops! Sorry. I'll swap it out for harmless battery acid.

Ow! Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like...

Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals.

so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Aha! My brother's grave. "Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was.

(SLURPING) Young man, one does not drink from a champagne fountain in that manner. But he's doing it. (BELL RINGING) (LAUGHS) Check out this dork.

Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades.

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me?

FARNSWORTH: Now get out of bed and start dreaming. (GASPS) My old apartment. My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream.

Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge. I think you'll find this verdict as fair as it is cruel. Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy! Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone,

All right, enough of this. There's the atom! Aw, geez.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with. (BELL DINGING) Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice. (GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS) (BELLS TINKLING)

"Dear Diary, I just made love for the second time."

Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on! Pardon me.

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me?

I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go.

Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies.

Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet.

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

Man, I hate those new 1-X robots. I'd like to stab 'em, give 'em some of these. Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me.

Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

(CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G? Would you mind fetching that carton from the top shelf?

I think they want wives, so just play along. If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah.

Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow! You know, if you still want your land, we could just trade back for it.

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me. Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet.

But how? Stand back and watch the master. This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage.

In how long? Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer? Please?

Does not compute.

It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones.

They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant.

I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant!

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

Three big bags of trash! Attention, please.

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see. How exactly will this protect us from time jumps?

passed close by. Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going.

but Bender was different. Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me. If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such, Bender always had a free body cavity.

What useless contraption are you half-baking today?

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away. There! Good as new. Except that we're three miles below the surface we don't have any food and the ship won't work underwater. Tempers are wearing thin.

Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots. Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America.

I can feel it in my weather channel app.

Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh...

Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically."

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship?

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Neat! Let's see a trick! All righty.

Almost ready. Ah, now for a dash of salt. Uh-oh.

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do

(EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal! It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get? Well, that depends on what one of those things is. That seems like a fact worth knowing. Good startling news, everyone.

Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now. Happy birthday, Leela. I got you a card, but I guess I kind of lost it.

Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like--

You didn't. I checked the invariance of your Lagrangian.

He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds

Negative. Will you go out with me?

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

What the hell's been going on around here?

Newly crowned Miss Universe, Gladys lennox entertains troops fighting to wipe out the human race. Go get 'em, boys!

(GASPING) (MUTANTS CLAMORING) Two! Four! Six eyes! The mutant people will arise! The segregation of the mutant people ends today. We demand equal rights, equal access to the surface,

the beautiful, affordable stars. (GASPS) You mean, when you disappeared up on the comet...

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy.

Harpoon, my ass.

My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History... will be robbed tomorrow at exactly 9:00 a.m. The target: the priceless Quantum Gemerald. Who's the perp? A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper,

(GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (STRAINING) (ENGINE CLATTERING)

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

Enough chitchat.

Someone's acting awfully aluminum.

Leela? Fry? I thought you were dead. Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

- Good work, people. - Woo-hoo! Time to go clubbing! Baby seals, here I come. Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go!

Or maybe a doctor. I'm sorry, Zoidberg you're just an inferior male specimen. Nice seeing you again. No one will ever want to mate with me.

You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen. Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question. As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches.

It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you?

Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye?

Balsamic or raspberry?

My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum. The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray is nothing more than a common teleporter ray.

Ain't no thing but a hyperchicken wing.

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS)

"Death by sonic diarrhea."

I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food.

I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand.

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right?

Congrats! You've accomplished so much more than most of us would bother to. Yeah, but I'm not done yet.

I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. And finally, a chump,

Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? Not if you stand on their air hose much longer. Noted. (BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets.

BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now?

Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

Ah... Nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning. (CRASHING) Marianne? Yes. Listen, I've got a new job, and, well, I'm going to have to dump you. I'd like that!

When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it.

Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out. I don't know which I'm more-- enraged or disgusted. I'm just out there making us ladies look good. Snuh-uh. You're making us look like jerks in front of the other genders! But you're not really a lady anyway, right? Of course not.

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw. Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender.

Well, once in the park. Mmm...

In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder. Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson.

Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig. What's this? Two meals in one week?

a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart. SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted. (SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here.

Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore for me... to clean out my wrinkles each day. Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please!

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me.

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets. If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever.

Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

Step right up to the contrabulous choose-matron! I hate waiting in line to die. Move it along, grandma. Stick your hand in and take your chances. CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger! Ooh, me next!

Voila. We simply pump the fruits of our excretion into Madison Cube Garden. Well, it seems everything is under... (GASPING) (MUTANTS CLAMORING) Two! Four! Six eyes!

"All female employees must pose nude if requested."

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

No, no. It's my fault for telling you I was a superhero. That's true. I couldn't stand to have you think I was ashamed of you. That's sweet, honey, but it's natural for children to be a little ashamed of their parents. Oh, yeah. just like it's natural... for parents to be a little disappointed in their children.

The New justice Team Ta-da! Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you,

Mom! Dad! What are you doing here? This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out?

(BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth. (ALL GASPING) Aw... He's got his own eyes.

Aah! Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

How have you been? Pretty good.

For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

NARRATOR: Enclosed as a PDF attachment, a picture of yourself, in a boat, on a river. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. And it's flowing down the eerie canal to The Scary Door. That's "eerie" with two E's.

And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade.

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife!

Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? I don't know, but we can't wait any longer. Good-bye, Bender.

What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh!

Fry, that's such a good idea, I thought of it. Yes. Yes! However, no. What if my legendary acting ability didn't rise from the grave with me? I'd better test it with a dramatic... Is he all right? ...pause!

What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela?

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

(ALL SHOUTING) What's all this ruckus? People live here, you know. Mr. President, our children are fat and dumb, and we blame cartoons. It's time to get government onto our backs.

Deploying ice drill.

Then with the clamps, Francis. Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease. (DOORBELL DINGS)

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

And so we say "good-bye"

Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say-- Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger.

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah!

I can't watch... Enough.

I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him.

I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all?

Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

there is virtually no chance of finding him.

Intruder! Stay away from the mighty Femputer. Guards! Time to override the C.P.U. and reprogram this femputer. Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable!

By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself. Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING)

I can see sideways in time.

Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

We're back, everyone!

There's the door.

Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess. This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace!

I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English? Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here. Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges,

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

(SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh!

The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock!

You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched.

teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent...

ALL: Aw! Aw! Damn, they are good. (ALL GRUNTING) We're coming to a full stop. All cats, to your posts!

just like that huge mushroom in my shower. Hey, there's our little mascot.

We're practically old enough to find the Fox Network infantile. Yeah, we'll show 'em. All Awesome Express needs... is a sturdy interstellar delivery craft. VoilÀ! You got a quarter?

Mmm. Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough. Get her purse!

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now?

(PANTING) Are you okay? I... Ow! My leg, it's broken. How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand.

Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue. Bill! L-Dog!

Huh? Bender! You tricked me! That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him!

What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for.

No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

(SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room! I was lying here snoozing,

It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry--

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry. Whoa! Whoa!

That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle. Hey, that's not that bad. Mmm!

bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right

Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane.

Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

Sure. No, wait. I was built in Tijuana. Maybe Inspector 5 still works there. He better do some explaining before I mash up some face guacamole. He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH)

I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low.

Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot!

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

Allow me to demonstrate.

I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not. What is this, high school? Locker check. Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom.

Effective though just a bit garish In return without shedding a tear I agreed that I'd give him my hand in marriage - Huh? What? You'll give me your hand in marriage

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender. How could Flexo have stolen the atom? He must have used a sleep ray on me.

Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good.

I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire.

I love you, Bender!

Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown.

Divorce is final.

Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it! The old comedians were right. This place is a lot different from L.A. Pardon me. Did I overhear you say you used to live here? That's right. Did you know Andy Goldman? Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him!

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day.

Can't you hear those cavalry drums hijacking your equilibRium - oh, yeah - midnight snacks in the mausoleum

but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded. Sweet lion of Zion. Look at the professor go.

I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not.

Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring.

I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you

Good thing it's Casual Friday.

Futurama is brought to you by Arachno Spores, the fatal spore with the funny name.

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body,

Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence? No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game. Now let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex Fourteen, okay?

Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS) (BENDER LAUGHING) Oh, look at him dance! He don't care.

(SLURPING NOISILY)

Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession!

Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented.

Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless.

From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing. Ah!

Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it! I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet.

but tonight I realize what's really important is to win two Oscars! Ha! Ha! I'm kidding. I'm kidding. What really matters in life is that people care about you, whether it's a whole crowd,

No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you. BOTH: Mmm... It's so beautiful!

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING) Uh. How you get frozen?

We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through.

There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Orange? Purple? Do I know you? Have we met?

Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling.

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York.

I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me. If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way,

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer, using high-speed telepathy.

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me,

I have these three costumes you could use.

What's that? Is someone bending girders? Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die!

Welcome aboard, son. Father-O!

You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you.

and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly. Maybe a rock star. Or maybe a doctor. I'm sorry, Zoidberg you're just an inferior male specimen. Nice seeing you again.

Look, are you going to help or not?!

(TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING) (BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all.

Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb? It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS)

Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected.

Whoa! A speakeasy! One prohibited beverage, please. Hey, Dutch, the new still is here! I'm not a still. I just smell like one. POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS)

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful. Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun.

I thought I'd take you someplace ordinary. A place no one could object to. That sounds wonderful. I'd like an extra-beautiful bouquet, for my extra-gorgeous sweetheart.

We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

You can't do this!

just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots.

Truly, they were as gods who built this place. Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle.

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute!

Attack Earth! Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it!

Robot devil? You can hear me? Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything.

Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING) See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible.

Ladies and gentlemen, Homo Farnsworth. Once again, science saves the day. The end. And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!

I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art.

No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain,

What the hell's been going on around here?

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

Ooh! Room for one more? (LAUGHING SAUCILY) (ALARM BEEPING) (GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button.

Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

Well, that's eight hours. Yeah, eight hours of solid boredom. Nah, I'm kidding. You're a wonderful man.

Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take. Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later?

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just--

In what has become a winter tradition, members of the Zarlon Seven Polar Bear Club... today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia. There were no survivors.

Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium? The foxhunting uniform? You, sir, must be a robot of noble bearings.

Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

Road trip! (SNORING) Kill all penguins... Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies! Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate!

I'm the loneliest person on Earth.

FRY: And the rest!

I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm.

ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right!

I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace, a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day! Warships dismissed!

You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops.

Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING) My baby's in that podium! Somebody call the fire department! There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal. Hold this, your highness.

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor.

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat. (COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know,

I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier. I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system.

(SHUSHING) There's no time to lose. Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING) (BEEPING) The name of the game is Candyland.

It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out.

And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated, order is restored for another year. Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)

A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though. You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel! (SIGHING) Funny plague, hyper-malaria.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom.

- Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago.

If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

And here's something you may or may not find interesting. Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you?

goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner,

Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh! Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy--

Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo. They used for everything-- meat, milk, and the shells make good rowboat. I broke your television. Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff,

Among other things. Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this! Psst. You want to buy organ?

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body. You aren't, are you? Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do?

If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

That sounds like this. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero.

Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION)

You boys did good. Nailed a major violator of the laws of physics. He's going down. Cat's gonna testify. Guys like this really bust my uterus. You're both getting a promotion. Ever heard of the Future Crimes Division? Tomorrow, I have.

Bad news, friends. My shell ran. Zoidberg, you idiot! My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend.

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

It's used to it! Whoo! So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing? Poorly! My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

Captain of the Harlem Globetrotters, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate. Konnichiwa, brother. TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

(POWERING UP) (ALL GASP) My God! Robot Saint James is a zombie. Nay, I am not Saint James.

Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head,

We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon, industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back!

You should say something else. Wait. I know where we can get beeswax. From those giant space bees who nearly killed us, and we swore we'd never go back there. Let's go back there. To communicate with the bees, we'll need to use these trans-bumbleators.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha!

I can't devote precious brainpower to blowing my nose. You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it. Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school.

(SLURPING IN UNISON) (ALL BELCHING)

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed. Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper!

We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn. That's Lrrr! Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering.

I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

We have a rival gang? I hate them! Hit the deck!

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh!

Twenty-four hour Laundromat.

You owe me one. Whoa.

Look out, a solar flare!

Raise the solar sails! I'm going after that Mobius Dick! (ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse.

I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that... (GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

Wow! I could swear I was really playing Virtual Skeeball.

Okay, here I go.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny! Fire! What the-- We missed!

I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable.

(LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING)

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned!

Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife? If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines. Let me see those glasses.

You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good, but it feels good today, 'cause I got to dance and make people happy. (SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much! Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig!

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES)

I took a nappie!

God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating!

I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face?

(HISSING) (CRYING OUT IN FEAR) The male butterfly. It's gorgeous! Let me get my butterfly hammer.

It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them. I'd kill them all.

Holy Spitz! He's sporting skintight Speedos!

Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express,

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

Oh... What's wrong? Nothing. I guess I'm just going to have to get used to being half a robot. Aw, this isn't right. Listen, Bender, if we found your antenna could they still reattach it? Maybe, if we get it on ice right away.

Someone fat get in my way! Oh. I'm broken again.

"Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button." "You eat a sausage made of Fry." "Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet. Good morning!

What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded! (SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how? I didn't do it. Bender, did you learn a lesson about not being lazy while the rest of us were bombed out of our gourds? Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did.

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean? Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was. Well, whatever it is, we'd better figure it out soon because that ship will reach Earth in two weeks.

I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING)

Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

(WEEPING) It's hard enough being a Cyclops, but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated. Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now!

Observe. Fetch. Now sit. I said, "Sit." Bad fish!

I know my new plan is a long shot, but it's the only hope left. Well, now I've heard everything. On my iPod. So, do you have a new plan, Professor? And is there any hope left?

Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff.

Ow! Aw! Who are you?

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself?

Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

Bender, shush. You're supposed to be dead. Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

(CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you.

I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death.

See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation. Tell it, preacher! That equals true.

And now, to create an unstoppable army of between one and two million zombies!

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Chris Travers, who leapt backwards in time and ahead in the polls, has defeated Richard Nixon. (ALL CHEERING) LEELA: He did it! He did it! Yes! Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records,

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

All hail the Metal Lord! So hailed!

A member of our brotherhood... sits at these controls every hour of every day, scanning the heavens for God. There he is! No. No, wait. No. How long have you been at it? 700 years.

And I'm voting against the cat hater!

Beep-bee-de-beep-beep. Beep. Bee-de-bee-beep-beep. Beep. Say hello to Miss Right. Hello. Mmm. Wow.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays. Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

All robots have such a slot, placed there by the Creatrix herself. I know that Creatrix. That's Mom, from Mom's Friendly Robots. Indeed. She made us upgradeable in case she ever succeeded in her quest to create a free will unit.

Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous! (EXCLAIMS)

Hey, thanks. Wow, this got here just in time. This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort.

Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades. I promise.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas.

I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up!

DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore. This is Walgreens brand nose paper. Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology.

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

Who put this in here?

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser.

Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end?

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session.

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS)

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks.

Now we're bored! Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking! Fry, it's been three days. And even if you stay here the rest of your life, there is virtually no chance of finding him. It's time to give up.

Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man! You old lunatic! How ya been? Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor!

Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh-- Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here.

No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to...

Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get.

Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones. Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief.

No!! Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh!

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it.

What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little...

Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop!

Good news, neuchachos. The ship is nearly repaired. Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING)

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender!

I'm 40% back, baby! (PIANO PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show!

Exit polls show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing with an estimated zero votes. Yes! The system works. The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh...

Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No! N-O-O-O! I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before,

Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him.

(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) Dance, slave, dance.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand.

Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty.

makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable. Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated. In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later.

But being surrounded by even stupider people was equally infuriating.

It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech!

Catering. Oh-- Ohh. Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid.

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad!

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right. Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back.

to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area.

How is this going to get us to Boston? (EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them.

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

Who is she? Don't worry about it. Not important.

Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

Call them what you want. I call them a free meal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, Sigmund. I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food. We gotta sell these things.

Aw! Is shnookums not feeling shtimuwated? An understatement, to say the least. It's time you treated me with respect. If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine, but no more purse rides, and no more dressing you up in your cute little sailor suit. I keep telling you that's my real naval uniform.

And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.

Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive.

there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class. The noble sewer mutants. For, you see, generations of exposure to toxic sewage mutated them into horrific monsters! (BOTH GASP) Shut up.

Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer.

I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg."

God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING)

Bummer. Someone fat get in my way! Oh.

Limboers, on your marks! Get rubbery. Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins! What's this? Hermes Conrad is closing the gap.

Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

Let's split up. Eight of us will stay here with this dragon-trap the professor built. HERMES: Meanwhile, Fry, Bendee, you go look for the dragon.

My God, is it possible?

And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps. Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper--

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble!

I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living. I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you. Oh, but I guess we're just two different people.

I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do!

an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo! Pss! That's not scary. It is if you're a laser printer. Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story. Once there was this woman driving--

Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye.

No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back. What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.

Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor.

Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

And in the end, that's all I really have. That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you. If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine,

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

We're in here too. Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir. Um, may I have a beer, sir? No, you're loyal enough already.

Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am?

No, Professor. Don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up.

I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything.

It's not lame, it's lame. And this thing lying on the bed?

You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No.

Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side! I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that...

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him. Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry!

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes.

M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS) Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing.

Hey, Fry, think fast.

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela.

Hush, you romantic fool.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday.

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card.

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him! - Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh?

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry?

And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second.

I feel like a princess! Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope.

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month.

I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president. No! My son will not shame me like this.

Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas?

But I come from Earth. Then show us your Earth whatchacallit. Long-form certificate of live birth. (SIGHS) What would it take to convince you people? Would I have to have been born right before your eyes? It wouldn't hurts. Hit it, rubes! (CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here!

Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song.

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough.

Happy birthday!

We should do something!

That's all I'm programmed to do.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real? My broken friend is closer to me

They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go. Behold!

Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it.

Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

The ship's lost power!

Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power.

Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

(ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING) Granted, we later learned some positive things about recycling,

"Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome... and boy bands roamed the earth?

I landed him on one of your planet's many rooftops for an important mission. While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth.

(DOOR OPENING) (HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up. Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything...

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass.

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate. (GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash.

You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me?

I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit. Thank you. No, actually, I did mean to offend a little. This is awful.

Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha!

Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech! Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady!

Is this clown on? Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s.

the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm... fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry!

Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level.

And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry.

Morbo demands an answer to the following question: "If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child would you seize and consume it?" Unthinkable! I wouldn't think of it! What about you, Mr. Nixon? I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh...

I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots. Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick. Hey! A fish this fine belongs in a fish-nugget-style chunklet.

Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before. Here, take my jacket. You look a little cold.

I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex.

I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat. You are so disgusting. I-- They're beautiful! Ew! You're touching them. I've never seen pearls like this.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here!

Oh, how I wish I was down there with ye.

Whew! Whew! Hi there. Leela!

How did this happen? That's a very good question.

Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now. Up next, the award for Best Delivery Boy, Newspaper, Phone Book, or Miscellaneous. Miscellaneous, that's me.

I got it! I got it!

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you!

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) What? It's called line dancing, Professor. It's fun because there's no touching and lots of rules.

Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse!

And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter.

Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

I must go. There is much to do.

How did you do it? Well, while the Beachmaster was off behind a whale carcass, loudly fornicating with my beloved mother, I snuck past and surprised my sweetie with a romantic meal. A romantic meal?

Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs,

(GROWLING) (BARKING) (SNARLING) Okay, let's just get in, get out and... Now what?

I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball?

(SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow! (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING)

Giant balloon? (SCREECHING)

Thou shalt not snatch. And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out.

(TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout.

Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy.

I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted. They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy. Oh, God, what have I done?

Of course! It's so simple!

with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt. Hi, superheroes. Everything okay? Big "O," little "K," my friend. just checkin' if everything's all right. It's okay, all right. Okay, then. Grab it!

Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy. If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender!

What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here? Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food. Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out. They're not filthy.

And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?

He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy?

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along.

You sure about these-a chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee. It's okay, Mama. Anyone-a complains, I bend legs up for free. Ooh, customers!

I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah! Whee!

You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight!

Ah! Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

(SPLUTTERING) Ah!

(HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! I demand extra dipping sauce! How many? I don't know. Two? Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday.

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot.

(GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant. $3 at the drugstore.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks.

Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee.

I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

Nude and interrupted.

(TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Well, okay.

Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub.

Thinking, thinking, thinking.

Oh, I'm sorry, Bender.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.

(SCREAMS) (THUDDING) Your intruder, Mother. (EXCLAIMS) That is one skugly critter.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers.

The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going. There we go.

Giddyap. Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars?

(MOANING) Un-paw him, you big ape!

That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families.

What up? Word. See?

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now?

Here they are, freshly laundered and... (GROWLING) Our magnificent uniforms. They're ruined. (SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory.

Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo.

But I like being old! I don't have to talk to my parents. No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms. Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal.

One, two. One, two, three!

This picture of your wife-- pure garbage.

is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to... Oh, no!

You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no.

Hermes Conrad. What? No way! Hermes, no! Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews. But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other. I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either.

even at bending, the thing I was built to do. I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead. Up next, the fembot bending competition. Fembots? Methinks a clever manbot, suitably disguised, might win those events.

It's very simple.

(SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

I'm bored. Let's drink. (TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout. It's great to see so many happy smiles, most of them on Mouth Mutant. (ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years,

Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly. Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor...

I, meanwhile, returned to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth again come under brain attack. And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years. If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it.

My God! Why would Leonardo's machine have brought us here? I don't know. Let's ask this guy. I am Leonardo. (BOTH GASP) Welcome to Planet Vinci.

You know, as a major Hollywood director I'll be holding auditions tonight for my next movie. And even though you're all young and naive I think you might just have what it takes.

But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool.

We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'.

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump. Hello, we're the Robot Mafia--

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes.

The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance.

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Not with a puny claw like this. Did you see those other guys? They look like giant claws with bodies attached. At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell.

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone.

Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

The great space serpent... Mammal. ...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed.

I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor.

Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life.

You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend,

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

the death clock. Simply jam your finger in the hole and this readout tells you exactly how long you have left to live. Does it really work? Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?

Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

No! Yes! I don't know!

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord.

You do not, you big, fat liar.

Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Well, I best mosey on down to the landing. Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail. You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup.

I will be a forceful and effective administrator. You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister. I got to go with Bender.

(GROANING) Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup.

Sorry. It's too grumpy!

What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

Oh! If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow. You can. What? It's simple, you simpletons. Calculon is a robot, a mere mechanism that can easily be restored to working order. The only problem is we would need his physical remains.

Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun...

I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom.

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood?

(CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology. The lady from work is winning!

Perhaps they speak perfect English, as do we. (LAUGHS) We can't take that chance. We'll need my universal auto-translator. This is my universal auto-translator. That will show them our peaceful intentions. The only question is who should be our spokesman? Me, me. Choose Zoidberg. Zoidberg a diplomat? The list of things I've heard now contains everything.

(IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do. We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald. But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives?

It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum...

Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

Stop talking! You're getting cold! Please! I just paid off my car! No! I can't look. Stop!

Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

Fry, I'm writing here. Do you have to play that? Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING) Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so.

Yeah, it's always something, ain't it? It's her! Bender, wake up! She's here! Wake up!

a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

(SHOUTING) Doom!

Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo!

Be a man for once and fleam this wretched creature.

He's-- He's dead.

The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop! I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine?

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person.

Get him! Whoa! Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads.

Wow! Neat! Oh! It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering.

I'll avenge your death, son!

I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

Let's try for a twofer. Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice.

That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution.

But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone.

And warm. just do it!

It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Another brain Let's see if he feels pain A brand-new brain It might drive him insane He wants a brain He wants a robot brain

Sometimes I doubt you even exist.

And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo!

(BEEPING) It sucks in fourth dimension, creating a friction-less wormhole. ALL: Whoa! Dig that!

Well, we did it. We got all Bender's parts back.

Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Call Robo-Rooter when you flush a towel And we can also help with an impacted bowel Robo-Rooter.

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out.

Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you.

Oh, good! A physical!

And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know,

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt,

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus. You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode.

Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be?

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll,

(BELL ON DOOR DINGS) (BELL RINGING) Coming! (PANTING) What now? Humidifier. (GROANS) Fine.

It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents. I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important.

FARNSWORTH: Two point one dimensions! Two point two! Two point pi! FRY: Look, up there! There's some up! LEELA: The third dimension!

This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

I had a great time today-- the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time,

What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me.

Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks.

Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it.

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow.

Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives?

On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word. By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation...

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information!

Well, if there's anything-- I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it?

Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on.

We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life.

and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals?

After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

ANNOUNCER: The Vanquished Pride of the Yankees, or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years,

Science cannot move forward without heaps!

That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children!

Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed.

Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

Mm, mm, mmm! Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks.

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

(NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

Nothing to see here, old girl.

If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell. Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys!

So what makes this thing fly? It's powered by love. Aw... Okay, stop loving me so much so we can land. No problem. Okay, this tech dump has every kind of high-tech communications device.

Oh, my God! Huh?

Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

That's the last of them. All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit. joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik.

What was that? Oh, nothing! We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion!

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else.

I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp.

I'm kind of busy.

Ow! Where are we? And why is the Slurm pouring into this sewer? This isn't Slurm at all. Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan. Look at this.

I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy.

But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win.

Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven.

(GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms!

Here's a song that was beautiful... when performed by my ancestor, Art. Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme

Beat this. Well, we're boned.

We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

(INAUDIBLE) Amazing. Some dumb bastard has nearly a million other dumb bastards following his every twit!

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris.

We can't leave the time shelter. Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends. Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to.

but Bender was different. Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me. If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such, Bender always had a free body cavity. Ah, the professor's was better.

Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting.

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

(SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win.

It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

(ALL GRUNTING) We're coming to a full stop. All cats, to your posts!

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle? Castle? Some say unholy things happen up there.

And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle... Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls. Oh, man, there's always a catch!

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee.

I don't even know who you are. Hello, dirt. I'll start at "N" for nude pictures. Aw, Nobel Prize? That's no good.

We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no! Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word. Young man...

Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!

Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going! (BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit.

I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh!

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold.

so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela.

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that-- Who is that godlike figure?

Wait, what's happening, friend?

Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with.

Who's your friend, Leela? He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them.

Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

(EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH)

or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

(BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy.

Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!

Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels.

Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed.

Die, you primitive brute! (SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY)

(SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out!

So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly,

Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night. (ZAPPING)

(EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father.

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

I know! Let's outrun it! - There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS)

I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight.

(YELLS) We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING) Fry, you have once more done my people a great service. On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you.

Then the charges apply to you, too. What? (BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew. My fellow Earthicans,

Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

Quick! You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

oof! Why aren't we moving? I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this, the ship moves.

Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance. But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry?

I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Thanks, handsome.

Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over. Well, uh, we'll be leaving now.

Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go.

Well, that makes 146,000 unsuccessful hunts in a row but I've got a good feeling about tomorrow.

I'd just like to thank my awesome parents. We love you, Johnny! Shh! Now, to get all serious. It's time to pay tribute to the brave delivery boys who gave their lives this past year in the line of duty. Gene Tinker, bus.

Excellent choice, sir.

Wearing a costume and pretending to be someone else goes against my every instinct as an actor. But I'll give it a try!

Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Amy, isn't it wonderful? I'm pregnant! Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise. Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal?

We'll need scientific samples. Everyone, start filling these dime bags.

and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic!

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives--

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know. Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall?

No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers.

If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

I got it! I got it! I don't got it! You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

Would you look at that gem?

In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors. This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say...

Oh, my. There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. And that's the ultimate secret of the universe? Apparently so. Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Dear Liza.

This is awesome!

What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal.

Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment. Any word from Leela?

(IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus!

You cheater. Break his neck!

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Do what you will, but we'll see who has the last "ho." There. Oh, no! The ice is melting! The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat. And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

My fellow Earthicans, a great American monster has been silenced. Clone of Agnew is gone, killed in his clomping shoes by ruthless Omicronians. But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel!

The cat's out of the bag now.

Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise. And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.

Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape! Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge,

Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug?

Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune.

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors. This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy?

What? Oh, God, I'm still here? I'll miss you guys!

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah? Well, take this! Oh, my. Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid.

(MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough.

Wake up, Leela! I love you!

Strike one! A personal best. Uuh! Stee-rike two! Remember, fans, this exciting moment is brought to you... by Month-old Franks, the hot dogs with experience. Mmm-mm!

And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass! Well, so long. Get well soon.

Oh-ho! I've got you now. Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor! (EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

Okay, that's a good point.

(CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you. Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.

I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it!

No! He'd come after me!

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem.

We're on our way home. (ALL CHEERING) It just shows how everything is possible when you work together. Speaking of which, I have a surprise announcement. There never was a creature. Surprise.

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected.

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here?

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt!

It's an honor to meet you, Leonardo. And may I say, you were great in Titanic. The Beach... That's Leonardo DiCaprio, you blockhead! (GROANS) Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said. So what do people do for fun here?

So your real name is Lord Nibbler? That's a coincidence. That name is for your sake. In the time it would take to pronounce one letter of my true name, a trillion cosmoses would flare into existence and sink into eternal night. Oh, you're all so cute!

And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese. Shall we say about 7:58? Precisely? Nice to see you, Zapp. Well, nice to see a surprising amount of you, too, Leela. Is Munda here?

Eighty-one, thallium. Eighty-two, lead. Eighty-three, bismuth. SHABBA-DOO: The poor little psycho never could've survived on his own. So we kept him on the farm as long as we could. GRAM-GRAM: (SNIFFLES) But one night, he ran away, taking nothing but the clothes on his back. (WHOOPING)

Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

No, Bender, I envy you. I'm so bored with all these pretentious trappings. The jewels, the parties, the beautiful robo-women. Hello. (SCOFFS) My fiancee, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist.

Only one person took issue with the ethical ramifications of cloning and also had access to this castle. The butler, Dr. Zoidberg! Let's see who this so-called butler really is. (THUD) Oops.

Find that apple. It's down there somewhere.

(CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING) Do you mind showing me how to open the cage?

That'll take care of those annoying rats.

giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace.

(ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it.

Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp.

From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Why won't anyone help me? So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight--

(GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace. You may be gelatinous,

Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh! Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out. She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again,

(PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous. There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow!

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself,

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better. The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect... and admiration of the creative community. How about we rig the awards? That's fine too.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS)

Whatever. Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand.

The clamps! Right?

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor? Aye. Aye. Duh, okay. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTS)

Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth. He escaped. Escaped? No one escapes. This guest does not look 160. What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that,

What's that? One of those jefferson Starships I've heard so much about? It's called a van. And in light of the fact that it's not a-rockin', I invite you to come a-knockin'. Wow! Neat! Oh!

Hey, Fry, things sure have been going great between us. Remember that make-out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine. But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system. Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right. We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop.

And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell.

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds-- The Gender Bender!

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top.

"Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome... and boy bands roamed the earth? Yeah, but now it's the distant future.

ANNOUNCER: And now, introducing the opponents, six Larry Birds! (CROWD CHEERING) Bendee-Bendee-Boo!

as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month. Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible.

Well, I suppose there's a slim--

It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. Will it work on my TV?

No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

So, how long will it take?

a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons.

100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus. Ladies and gentlemen the Omicronians!

Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman. Remove pants!

it was pure evil. Honk! Honk! So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar.

In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side.

Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom.

Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

A lot of ships get stolen on this planet, so, Bender, stay here and stand guard. Okay. I hope I never see you again.

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face?

I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

I was getting to that one!

We can worry about that in the morning.

We'll have to bring her around again.

Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel. Wow, creativity's hard work.

i'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning like A whiRlpool, it never ends... A little lower. Lower. Lower. A lot lower.

Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!

The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right?

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste. This is it. My Ronco Record Vault. I still remember the combination. Three.

Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been! Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson.

You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

The planet's "kerploding." Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip.

Sweet dreams! (WHIMPERING) (KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah! Come on. Let's run for it.

You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register. I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming." Oh, hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson.

We are the robot elders. You don't look very old.

(SQUAWKS) The sky is falling! I say, I say, the sky is falling! (GRUNTS) (SQUAWKS) (SCREAMING)

It is found in a small kitchen with friends. That is why I decline the title of iron Cook, and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money.

I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken.

Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you?

It looks pretty authentic. You bet it's authentic. See this scratch? I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang.

But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

I also have a tail!

In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww! Come on, come on!

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe.

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together.

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for.

His ass-ias is gracias! Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man!

Back in my old uniform. And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig.

I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

Calculon really Shatnered the hell out of that scene. Hey, anyone want to go to the aquarium? They got a new non-biting otter. Sounds great! Non-biting otter!

(VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental...

T. text home? Sorry, boy. 'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate. Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication.

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie.

Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers!

When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you,

Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There. Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat.

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded.

Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years--

it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a...

Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do? A man can give her a toke of her own medicine.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home.

(ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

It's horrific. At least it keeps them from driving.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes, and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! Sweet zombie Jesus!

(SHOUTING WAR CRY)

The only thing I can turn to is Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING)

and nothing in my head. So, if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me... with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

My extensive acting resume dwarfs that of the average bit player. Yes, that's true. But remember, it's that kind of acting that ruined you.

As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait. What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure.

And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste. This is it. My Ronco Record Vault. I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus!

Toss it in the garbage.

Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse--

Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal, the clown of the sea. NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature,

Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon! Bender, you can't even vote. You're a convicted felon. Convicted, sentenced and executed. But Nixon passed a law that says ex-cons can vote again

Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure.

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor.

I want to hear how it ends.

Sorry. I was distracted by those protesters outside our building. Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property.

Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot. From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing. Ah! Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets!

What up? Stick to the oath.

Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah!

Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did? Ah, so that's why this was unguarded.

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too.

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me.

(GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine.

Ooh! Hmm. Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing.

I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape?

Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING)

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you!

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

No! My son will not shame me like this. I would sooner die, I would.

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites. Good night, employees. Good night.

Someone fat get in my way! Oh. I'm broken again.

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops! (SPEAKING ANGRILY IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away

'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer. As your vice-president, I order you to steal that tree.

Do you think we should? Yes, I do. Leela, have you seen the keys to the spaceship? Uh, I must have left them on board. Oh, well-- I mean, what! Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether.

And it once belonged to someone very special. I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

You call that a kiss? I'll show you! Come here, Nibbler!

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms.

What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors--

Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse--

Then explain this! (CLINKING) (DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann. (GASPS) Eureka!

Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

No! I sold my body. Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender. How are you going to live without a body?

It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?

(SIGHS) The open road! Not a ship ahead of me. (ENGINES REVVING) Yo, Methuselah, speed it up! You're making the roads unsafe for us maniac street racers!

Bender, are you okay? What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

It's okay, Son, Mama's here now. Daddy! Don't let her take me! Get your lack of hands off my boy! You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child! Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still less unfitter than you.

Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) I like it.

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages.

Ow! What was that?

but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way.

What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on?

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed.

You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go.

Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son.

Fraternities... on your marks. Hey.

Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh!

If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

You miserable dingus!

Maybe. Yeah, probably. How dare you murmur about Bender like that! He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills.

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'. Wait! That chunk! It's the watch!

That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick.

I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet.

Hello? I'd like to volunteer. Is anyone lurking?

A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you?

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will.

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync.

I'm a banking industry regulator.

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are.

Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong. Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired.

Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man. An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe. You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie.

In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent. Meow.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

I'm sorry, buddy. At least we'll die on our backs, helpless. Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right?

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

This is awesome. Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love? If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research.

ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender.

That's what makes it so nasty. Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking.

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables

a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she?

(SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY) (GRUNTING AND STRAINING)

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

(MOANS) Time to prune the family tree. Wha! (ALL CHEERING) Huzzah! I've saved the Farnsworth name. Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants.

Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar.

So, uh, anyway, my daughter's Clobberella. Leela is Clobberella? You're pullin' me! Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone.

Damn the expense! My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror.

Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry.

Could you hold my purse for a minute?

This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me, but our mission is not complete-- not so long as Robot 1-X torments me with his obvious superiority.

I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second.

Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out. Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act.

Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace.

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies. Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies? (DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening?

(CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry.

Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig.

Ow! I'm hungry.

Now, here's the poison that Romeo uses to kill himself. Don't worry, it's just water and food coloring. Food coloring? The most poisonous substance known to robots? Oops! Sorry. I'll swap it out for harmless battery acid. No. Wait. There's only one way to ensure victory.

Oh, also, I wrecked the car. This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin. My ebony splendor? Me don't think so.

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

You know, you humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field. There's all kinds of robots down there. Yeah. Doing crap work. They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero!

Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up.

Flies, flies and gorillas! Stay beautiful, dollface.

The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy.

All right, show's over. I'm tired. Ah, to be young again... and also a robot. Uh! Now, as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver. Finally. Come on, Bender. Let's mosey. Nice catch, idiot.

I know, right? I'd murder him good, if only I was still alive.

The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse. I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo? We don't got nobody here by that alias.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say?

Your words guide us. We're dumb. You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours. The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best. It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents.

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is.

This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

That story was preposterous.

We kill her now?

Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls. Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen. Therefore, we'll need to hire on additional security for the mission. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, Mr. Professor? Right here!

Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned. At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all.

Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy.

Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all.

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife!

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu,

Give him hell, Morbo! Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved!

Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria."

Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy. Yah! Whaa! Hee! Ha! Ye-ow! Give this to my son. You got it.

Fine. We'll save the animals without your help. I'm afraid I can't allow that. Guards. What just happened? He's throwing us in prison. Dang.

Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent.

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that?

Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler. Who are you?

This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water.

Who are you people? I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum. I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution.

Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam!

Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

It's really nice. I hope he's not hurt too bad. Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar. (ALL CHEERING) Yes!

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men.

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

I saw that! Huh?

Behold the dance of peace.

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots!

Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach-- Destructor!

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies.

Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now.

Or a Victorian circus freak... I want to see the real you. No, Daisy, don't! I tried to warn you. I'm hideous. To me, you're beautiful. (SMOOCHING) NARRATOR: ...Langdon Cobb's acting is always in the bag.

Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles. Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives--

Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING) Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys.

(LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species!

Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone. Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown. Geez, Bender, you're scaring me.

But the sad fact was... Oh, how can I put this delicately? He was a crazy-ass nut job! Thank you, Ned. But so what? He was our crazy-ass nut job, and we loved him. (SHRIEKING)

Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted.

Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this.

Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent,

Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine! Apparently, this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men, was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars!

Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

Quick, while they're not looking!

Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one!

Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball? Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon?

Let me just wrap that up for you. Who said that?

I feel terrible. You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's...

And here it is.

I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Morbo is pleased, but sticky.

Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know. Hey, guys. Oh, uh, hey, Fry. So, as Leela was saying Fry can go shove-- Ow! I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to introduce you to my on-again, off-again girlfriend of the past thousand years Michelle.

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

want to kill all humans?

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network. Aye, aye, sir.

and I've never heard of Yeti-ism. It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti. Ah!

Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity!

but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row! You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you!

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness. Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy. Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness.

They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening. Everyone, help Mom find her bra. Ew!

I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy!

Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up?

Hi, Leela. Fry.

But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things. Hello. Our dads are never impressed, no matter what we do. Maybe we should start a fire. If we really wanna impress them, we'll have to crush them... with strategy "Dwight Lightning."

Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that.

Psst. Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club? Sure, why not? (GASPS) No time! I've found a clue that could unlock all the secrets of history. (GROANS) Look at these Roman numerals.

Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil. Down in front!

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one... (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes. Cut! Okay, now do one with the bean suit on.

Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias.

I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted.

There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!

Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

Do you ever regret it, John, leaving me to work for the Professor? Oh... What do you want me to say? He saved my life. Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

Power friends, go! Power friends, go! Oh!

That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels!

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling.

And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing.

How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say.

Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see.

Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best.

To Fry. I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is.

(BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week.

(OWL HOOTING) Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming?

The number of points on his trident is three, or trey. The "U" in his name is written like "V." Trey, "V." Trevi! It's the Trevi fountain! There can be no question! But, Professor... There can be no question!

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder.

To one who lives there She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread. Brothers and sisters, get your love beads.

and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals? Absolutely not, Linda.

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask.

The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now? I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene,

Fry, distract him! Hey, Project Satan, over here! I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points! Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe.

How many roads must a man walk down Before you--

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done. Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery?

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind

How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know? I watch TV. It's the next best thing to being alive. Oh, what's the use? I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split." What the hell kind of plane is that?

Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late.

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder!

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Tell me, Zaxxar, were you even born on Earth? Because the Earth constitution clearly states that only people born on Earth can be president. Isn't that right, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You Ruth Bader believe it! But I...

We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right.

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both?

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done?

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears. Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy... acting talent!

It's up to us to rescue him Maybe he likes it here in hell it's us who tempted him to sin Maybe he's back at the motel Come on, Fry, don't be scared I'm sure at least one of us will be spared So just sit back, enjoy the ride My ass has blisters from the slide

But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me? I do love inconveniencing the underclass.

Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you.

This casino belongs to your people! (ALL CHEER) But, Amy, you planned this whole thing to get the casino back! Yes, back to its rightful owners. Now just a hold on minute. This casino is wrongfully ours. Security!

I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger.

Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things! Did I, Fry? Did I? What's the point of living if I don't have free will?

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball.

I still don't see why you get the window seat. Folks, this is your captain. Our snake tanks are fully loaded, so once I figure out which button launches this... - (ALL GASP) - I figured it out! (ALL SCREAMING)

Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up,

Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly,

Bring in the airship. Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

I'll not only help you find it, I'll help you do more to it.

Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow!

My ass! My beautiful--

I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup.

Well, that dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented! That's why you're perfect for drama. Hmm. Serious drama. Perhaps it is time to give up comedy. I'm putting together a big drama picture right now as we speak.

(GASPS) T.! (SOBS)

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here. Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you? How could you even ask such a thing? Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy.

Hold out your palm. What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced. This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there.

Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes. (CHEERING) Hello. Hello. So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING)

We are not amused.

Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans. Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy. In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side.

(SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up.

And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

melding minds with you would be extremely bearable.

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now.

Wait. What's that? Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore.

MAN: In the year 105,105

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag.

All for the Love of you

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight. You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married. I got my eye on you, boy.

Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke, and they seem pretty on-the-ball.

Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991. I'll bet I can get as many followers as you without sinking to your level. What do you say? First one to a million followers wins a buck. You're on! (EXCLAIMS) Send. What happens to the loser? Let's make it interesting.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already.

Because it doesn't have any pigment. What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere. Go deeper. Deeper! No, Bender. The ship can't withstand this much pressure.

We're going to die!

This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic. Help! Help! Bender. You're okay.

(CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself. All I wanted was to apologize to you people.

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days.

(BENDERS LAUGHING) Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance.

(ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box. Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to--

Maybe, if we get it on ice right away. Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna? This time you'll have all the human comforts.

As for you, you will be submerged in royal Slurm, which, in a matter of minutes will transform you into a Slurm queen like myself. But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul. Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm."

I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet.

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence. Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start,

Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence? No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game. Now let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex Fourteen, okay? Leela, you've got mail. It's not spam.

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

No. He can't. You beg my pardon? I'm sorry, Calculon, but someone needs to remind you of the truth. You're a grade-B actor who died and was immediately forgotten. Leela! That's not very nice. You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago.

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole. What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream. (SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff.

Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius. FARNSWORTH: Ah, here they come. They're in attack formation. They're gonna kill us.

No! Get away from there. That's it! Happy birthday!

Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

Ladies and gentlemen, Conan O'Brien's head. Thank you, thank you. Let's get started.

Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

Let's refract this sucker. (SCREAMING) (SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING)

Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain. Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault.

Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies! You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like.

that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle. Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company. Go satisfy your bend lust,

Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm.

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

I was referring to Adam and Eve. We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth. (ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team.

I can't take it anymore!

Shove a big old melon in it! I'm talking! Ow.

Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards?

Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone needs to return to the office immediately.

He's gyroscopically stable.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha-- Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see...

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what?

Uh, could I have some Slurm, please?

Who the sweaty hell is it? Hubert Farnsworth? I was out fleeing some robots and the silvery moonlight glinting off their bloody claws made me think of you.

Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in?

"You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name. "You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami." I wuv my mommy.

You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse.

Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had. Ow! Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to?

(SCREECHES) Zoidberg, you are the greatest hero. You saved us all. For now. But another threat from the stars is sure to arise next week at the same time. Until then... BOTH: Action Delivery Force star hero rocket engage!

But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software.

Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve.

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins.

You know, Testsicles. According to government records the only names not yet trademarked are Popplers and Zitsels. I know-- We'll call them Popplers. You sure picked it. Swish. Call them what you want. I call them a free meal.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (MAN EXCLAIMS) Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo.

It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech! Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady!

You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you.

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee!

Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar,

AUTOMATED VOICE: For hundreds of years, Oktoberfest has been held here, in the fertile Neander Valley, where prehistoric man once hunted the majestic Schnufel-Ufagus or woolly mammoth. To this day, paleontologists sometimes find entire mammoths frozen in the valley's icy glaciers,

Geez, will you lay off? I was delivering things before you were born. I think I know what I'm doing. Oh, stupid slug.

Two, four, six, eight. Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world

How does a robot join this monk outfit? Just put on this monk outfit.

My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking.

Okay, the dynamite's in place. Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out? Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal. Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun. Kif, you did it!

Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender.

Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out.

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin.

That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING)

Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them? Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye. Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you. H-H-He is? Great! Wait. What's the catch? No catch.

Let's go into my chamber. It wasn't long ago our people were happy and prosperous but the eyeless Mole People of sub-terra Three grew jealous of our visual prowess. They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia.

Mind if I freshen up a bit before we go out? I was just about to suggest the same thing. Mmm? Mmm. Pay dirt.

Oh, yeah! Yeah! One bowl of jell-O knuckles, please. That'll be three "pic-a-tures" of George Washington. Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies!

No, thanks. I've already found my mate. You haven't ignored the last of me. (ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go.

I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

Here, let me help you.

That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

Cupcake, we never told you this, but you had an older brother. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) GRAM-GRAM: In many ways, he was like you. He loved science and was desperate to go to college. He even looked a little like you.

Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg.

Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

Ooh. Whoa, slow down. This place just doesn't feel like home. It just isn't... cozy. Ah... I can barely move. It's perfect!

You folks still doing all right? Oh, yes, Elzar. Good. 'Cause it turns out I forgot to cook that chicken.

It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began--

Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

I'll rest easier not knowing where they are. So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much.

Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket! Oh, Leela! Professor? What did you do to the Planet Express ship? And why are you wearing a leather lab coat? Because unlike you, I'm cool. I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping.

You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

The mercury is boiling!

(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water.

I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside. What is this moose drip? "The New Delivery Kings?" I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts.

Bailiff, release the jury collies. (BARKING) (CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack! Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo! That'll teach those other horses to take drugs. That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough!

We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal.

At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Shove him in the tube. It was my idea. Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy.

you risked your life to save me. And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third time. But that would be it. - Mmm. - Mmm. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep in a pool of cold rising water. No!

Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores!

Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Launch all missiles! We were defeated in battle. BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron!

By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop! Take my hands You evil, metal dog

(GROANING) (GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant. $3 at the drugstore. I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here,

I doubt that very much. Little twerp. Ay, Chihuahua! Qbert, as my successor I'm trusting you to carry on my work. These are just some of the half-finished inventions you'll spend your life finishing.

So, where are you going to stay? Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous.

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick. What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt.

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Yep. Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man. (BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards.

We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal. Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and--

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) A freshly dug robot grave. Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom. Step aside.

Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

- Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies. It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied. Long live Pharaoh Bender!

Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle.

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing!

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back? No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale.

and bravely smothered him with his wig. (MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy. In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies.

Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia.

And now their opponents, the vixens most horrible from the big blue marble, the WingNuts. Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen?

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out. They're not filthy. They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor.

But it's 10:00 in the morning!

Now, see here! We assured our sons that you'd accept their apology. Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have! No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop!

(GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

(GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.

Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in. That's Philip J. Fry! Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle.

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death.

A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote. Very well. I shall comply.

Welcome, brother. May the blessings of the season be upon you. Yeah, yeah, amen. Listen, I'm one of those lazy, homeless bums I've been hearing about. Could you point me to the free booze?

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then.

- You mean we just-- - My, yes! Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum?

You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces.

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece!

It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty.

Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy--

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others.

(ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore. You're under arrest for crimes against science. No!

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew.

It is. I know it is. I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man.

Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?!

Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter.

Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you. Unless, of course, you had won the award. Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. The stupid professor didn't even show up for me. I'd just like to thank my awesome parents. We love you, Johnny! Shh!

No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so.

I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING)

And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man!

What do you think, Fry? Fry? Mmm. Hi. I'm Claudia Schiffer's head. I recognize you. Didn't you use to have a body of some sort? Yeah, but it was holding me back. You know, I just did the cover of the Sports illustrated swim cap issue.

I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry!

You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine! Apparently, this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men, was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars?

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

Oww! The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way.

I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm.

What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

So what makes Guenter talk? Is he genetically engineered? Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation. You're wasting your breath, Professor.

So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing?

It's those damned anchovies. That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them.

Wife? What are you doing with Bender's shiny metal gas compressor? None of your bizmarkie. Wait a second. What's that do-wah in your ditty bag? Uh. Uh. Okay, so we were hot. I stole Amana's Freon coil so we could hook it up to Bender's ass and build a cooler.

HERMES: Everyone got along so well today. Yes, this place is like a neutered utopia. A neutopia. (LAUGHING) I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now?

(YELPING) Fry. Professor? He's... He's dead.

(DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH) At ease, darling.

Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis, and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you.

Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here. Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating.

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

It was always our plan to trail at the half, thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation. Also, what game were the refs watching?

Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here. Come on. We'll split a blintz.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat.

Oh, my! Here we go, y'all! Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends.

A hero, indeed. What's your name, son? I don't know. Fry? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to associate myself with a true hero. (CROWD CHEERING) Mr. Fry, allow me to present you with the keys to the city! This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock.

So the clover is still in the hiding place, maybe? Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York... helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around. Dirt doesn't need luck.

No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want.

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges.

I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw. Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post.

That's no way to win an election. (SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message. I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog. People will wait for something good. No, don't quit. You have great ideas. You just need to get them out there with social media.

I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it!

His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil.

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over.

Greetings, friends. Don't we all look nice today? Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life. My friends, I found religion.

Bender? I smell burning tusk. That's probably it. Kill the engine. (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING)

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God!

(GROANS) Do I know you? Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried. I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)

Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Thank you, Angus.

The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through?

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me...

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa?

Ew. You were eating my turds? Feces pieces? Blech! You must be hungry. Really hungry. Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial?

We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves.

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew.

I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there.

(GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat.

So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird. Sean was uneducated, unambitious--

She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our director, the legendary Harold Zoid.

The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks. Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers. They're getting big and scaly. Ooh, there's one left.

If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage.

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ahhh! Sweet light crude.

Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something. Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree. Hey, these aren't Xmas trees. Ho-ho, huh?

Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat."

Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?

Let's go! Let's go!

Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

In return without shedding a tear I agreed that I'd give him my hand in marriage - Huh? What? You'll give me your hand in marriage

I love this job. Me, too.

That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

I love you." Hey, you wrote it! It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons!

There is only one way to resolve this conflict. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores!

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING)

Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it!

Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

so you don't remember a thing I said. Let's try again, but this time, everyone cram into my time shelter. Wow. LEELA: Nice. It's coated with antichroniton-resistant grout to shield you from the effects of the button. Come on. Get in. Hurry up.

Fry, stop trying to do things for me. Whatever time we have left, just live it with me.

I don't feel good.

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope!

Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living...

Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer. Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves. What are you doing? I'm dying of thirst.

Life is good. Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh?

and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it?

Angleene. Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing?

And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry.

Donbot? Motion denied. Prosecutor, call your first witness. The People call our star witness, Mr. X, whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger.

Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero! We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side. No. Listen. It's very important... that you never, ever tell anyone under any circumstance. - What if I've had a few? - Dad, you drink?

and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals,

We did it! Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition!

And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to. Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores.

Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. You see, Og everything's running smoothly. And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces.

What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today.

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"?

So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid.

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well (MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR)

Nice knowing you. Ahh! Come on, Zoidberg. I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game.

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new.

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies. It may comfort you to know Fry's death took only 15 seconds, yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years.

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

An infinite loop? I don't have time for that! Man, this is all Fry's fault. Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn. Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life.

Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet. Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great

Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone, to nurse us through this catastrophe.

Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall!

Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh? Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus.

and special guest Bender!

You barely know him.

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur,

Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher.

Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

(SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends.

He should have used Planet Express. When those other companies aren't brave or foolhardy enough to go trust Planet Express for reliable, on-time delivery. Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob. Good work, Evans.

but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?" (LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives.

Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen. It's scientific. That's why the robot's immune. He has no soul. Life force! So, how do we get their life forces back? If we poke a hole in Cobb's bag, will they spew out like a volcano built on an Indian graveyard?

We need less adventures, not more adventures.

I don't feel well.

Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience.

Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei. Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day, another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

"The Grumpy Snail."

Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

He's my pencil sharpener.

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

Let's "conservate."

We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park. If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps.

We demand you regulate children's programming and force the writers to shoehorn in helpful lessons. Fine, fine. Get off my lawn. I'll have Agnew put in a call to Hollywood. (DIALING) (GROWLING)

That is low, Bender, even by your standards. My what now? Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991. I'll bet I can get as many followers as you without sinking to your level. What do you say? First one to a million followers wins a buck. You're on!

We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls. Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen.

It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet?

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf.

Hey, now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day? This is an outrage! What's the point of pullin' the biggest pool caper ever if nobody knows you did it? Well, there's the material rewards. You mean this junk?

You can use the floor, and I'll have the ceiling. See? Kif, you have so much creativity and niceness, but I'm not sure if I-- Hush. Before you answer, come thither. This is the Holo-Shed.

Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president."

Give us back our genitals!

That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair.

If a dog craps anywhere in the universe you can bet I won't be out of the loop. And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish.

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

No! That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school.

But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS)

I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

That's not even close to what I had in mind. Well, anyway, just remember that people care about you.

Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh!

What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box. I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be. Okay.

What do you say we split a free drink at the robo bar?

They Live lens? Eh... So-so. Twilight Zone one-minute-in-the-future lens? Ooh, Calculon's going to be here. Better get my camera ready.

I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999. (GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube.

Prepare the water cooler that we may gather around it later and discuss things. Single female lawyer Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good.

(GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH) Yo, what you doing on our turf? Chill, dawg. Ain't no thang. We Cruds. Well, we Blips and we over here.

Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING)

Yoo-hoo! Oh. Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong.

How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Why didn't you let go? My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle! (STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look. Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING)

(BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid!

(PULSING) Here's the deal. We'll induce a dream state in which Fry will reenact the day of December 31, 1999.

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres!

- and he's reaching me in my dreams! - Bull pies!

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh. Still awake.

All right, let's set it up and try again. There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return? Nothing, nothing at all.

NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens. (MOANING) Leela, wake up. I can't face this mysterious planet alone without you or someone like you.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days.

that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay?

Which way to your house? The sign says we're at 71st Street. 71st Street? Hmm. Never heard of it. Downtown could be in any direction. No sweat. We'll just take a spin on the "B" train. Oooh, that feels funny.

Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out!

But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela.

Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it.

I'm back, baby.

There you go. What have I done?

Kittens give Morbo gas.

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS)

Whoa! Whoa. Whoa!

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect!

Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world. Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent. Silence! We will accept no more decoys. This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar.

Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

Halt! Identify this guest. Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth. He escaped. Escaped? No one escapes. This guest does not look 160. What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn!

Stop them! They cheated!

Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened.

Whoo! Dup Dubbity dup dup! Dup duppup dup! Two, three! One, two! One two, three! Oh, my! Here we go, y'all! Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg

I don't... Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read.

Oh, Flexo, Flexo, Flexo. I'm startin' to remember why I fell for you in the first place. So, she's fallin' for Flexo, eh? I'd better seduce her a little more, just to be sure. Well, it's late. I should get home to my trailer.

Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously addictive.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser.

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

(SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room! I was lying here snoozing, dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists,

One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

My God! Why would Leonardo's machine have brought us here? I don't know. Let's ask this guy. I am Leonardo.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Good-bye. Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon?

Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4,

A remote control? You got me a TV? No, my dearest. It's the remote control to my heart. It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. Will it work on my TV? We don't need TVs. We have each other! Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you,

35, you stupid meatball! Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right! Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome.

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

(ALL GASPING) That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that! Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh.

Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting? The very instant I became old.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on!

Hang on a sec. (SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends. Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him! Here's corpsey!

The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Hello. I don't feel well. Look, it's our nebula.

I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation...

If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

trendy nightspots... beautiful Women--

just let me put on my reading glasses.

Maybe we can do better for her.

Sorry, that's Building C. The Central Bureaucracy maintains records on all bureaucrats. We should be able to look up Inspector 5. Application for ingress approved. And the other potential entrant?

Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

Brother Bender do you accept the principles of Robotology on pain of eternal damnation in robot hell? Yes, I do. Then I will now baptize you. Press any key to continue.

Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah?

- I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu."

And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.

Sorry, Og. But I've got a new crew. So, how was your delivery to Fantasy planet where everyone's fantasies come to life?

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared. Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence?

Your Honor, the state's case contains not one Kentucky kernel of truth, resting as it does on the contention that my client made a series of bad decisions. However, my client made no such decisions!

BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars,

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever. Let's just forget about the box.

Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie.

All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward.

See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do.

I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you.

Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me. No, we can't.

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP)

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together.

Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy. It's that jerk from the truck stop. Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps.

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

I left my window open, and moths got in.

Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn.

And now, Chairman koji will present... the theme ingredient to be used in every dish today. If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King. Soylent Green-ooh!

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie. Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon.

How... How did it go? Just perfect. This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench?

but I think we should just be friends. No!

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no. The firing tie. Correct. I will be evaluating each of you, and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg.

Please! Please let me come with you. I can make myself taller.

Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die. Hmm.

Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so...

You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence?

Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies. So, that's where baby sweaters come from.

Then it's a deal. We get one night. I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash. Oh! I don't get it.

Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me?

Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him.

Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Ooh, there's one left. Mama. Stop! Stop eating Popplers.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy?

Eww! We found it! The honeycomb hideout! Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen.

It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside.

Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone? Wait. If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits. But where can we find a substance the exact density and consistency as garbage?

Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four. I-i mean, five. Repeat: four. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it!

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron. Insuring your world, and its destruction. Tonight's planet, a primitive backwater known only as... (READING)

Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters. Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry, and I've tried everything. All right. Never mind. Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy. You mean a man. It was his Bar Mitzvah.

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake!

Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?

Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming. Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal?

Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry? Amy, you won't believe what happened.

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys?

Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS) My God! He was so saturated with ink that his entire body structure was polarized!

I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety.

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish.

Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us.

I'll stick with wind-up power, thank you very much. Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before, but I used to drive around town in a mausoleum.

Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top. Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling...

Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies. So, that's where baby sweaters come from.

Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait. Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS) Hey, you're one of those Earth spies from that Earth ship, aren't you? Are you going to kill me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jrrr is.

Aw, it's true. My circuitry's 12 years out of date. I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback.

You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Bender rules! Groove on, man!

Baby. Ow! I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

My mother always said you were a loser, Fry. Now get out there and prove her wrong.

Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on her couch, if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but...

Give me that. More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight!

Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

I'm so into you.

Uh-huh... Ah! And you, Doctor? I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him!

Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow!

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment. What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto? Of course not. I'm just gonna tranquilize him, so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists. Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine.

upon the sweetest flower of all the field. Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

Please. I need something to settle my stomach. The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer...

It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what?

What are we supposed to do, just sit here and wait for Mr. Peppy to be killed? Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING)

We want our TV back. There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite.

Do I know you? Have we met? What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien?

I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers to a special reception...

I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

but I've got an ace up my hole.

Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing?

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that.

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet!

The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream, the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean. I do look forward to cavorting in the spray.

Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

I'm impressed. Son, I'm the commissioner of ultimate robot fighting. I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen. You should see me at funerals. Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league. Ultimate robot fighting?

(RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir! Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff. Give it to me! Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us mafiolios.

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky! This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me!

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!

(SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort.

(ALL GASP) My God! Robot Saint James is a zombie. Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in The Last Supper.

Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself! Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket.

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow!

You stink, loser.

So when you meet them, you'll want to be wearing these jerseys.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine,

Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere.

Oh-ho! I've got you now.

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless. And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait!

All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products. You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage!

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name.

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

(DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news.

No, I guess it keeps going. There we go. My God! The senile old man is right! Do you mean him or me? - Him. - Oh.

Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun.

Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted!

Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like--

Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups.

(COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind!

Why are they booing me, Silicon? 'Cause your song was insincere, boy. Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about. Yes, sir.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela.

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

Our dads are all pumped up on dork-osterone.

AMY: It's working. His acting module is booting up. (ELECTRIC WHINING) Wherefore...

He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us." Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody. What about us, Mr. the Offender?

Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

Guenter! You're alive. I guess the hat must have broke my fall. It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence?

(PULSING SOUNDS)

Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch.

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Oh, geez. Better not let Leela see me. Hey, I hear Fry. Boy, am I glad you're here. You are? So things aren't workin' out with what's-his-name?

That's not even close to what I had in mind. Well, anyway, just remember that people care about you. I know. Sometimes, when I'm lonely, I look up at the sky, and I get this feeling... that somewhere on some unknown planet circling a distant star,

Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

I am Bender Please insert girder

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy!

Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed.

But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough.

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew.

Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

An omen? Dinner. Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty. Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money.

LEELA: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness.

Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak?

So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor. TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding,

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest!

Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy?

Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

Wait! That no white whale. It gray thinkie whale. Queequeg, let go of me. I have to kill it! Farewell! You will all be trapped in this dense symbolist tome... forever! Huh? Follow him! It's our only way out.

ALL: Wow. Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But...

I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

Welcome, museum members. Or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. (CHUCKLING WEAKLY) He's good.

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot...

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage.

Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey! Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. Hello, Philip. And you must be Mr. Bender. Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot?

My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom,

Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh?

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

That was the meanest thing I ever saw.

I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl.

Help! Help! A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one. I'm sorry, buddy.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets!

But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays... but not be destroyed by them-- Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING) Scoop Chang, New New York Times online podcast blog comments editor. Mr. Mayor, isn't this e-waste dangerous? Not at all, Scoop. Not after it's hauled off to the third world by an expendable team of minimum-wage nobodies. Good news, nobodies!

Still, very few takers.

Then we'll go with that data file. Correct.

What's this? This is the same toy surprise I got last time. I can't work under these conditions. And without me, there is no mission. I am the mission! We're back from the mission! What-What-- You went without me? You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time.

a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer...

What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now. Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories.

What I was trained to do.

BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time.

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body.

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us.

As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later.

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs.

Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder!

She's taught the world that being a bum knows no gender. And yet, tonight we have witnessed the beginning... of a great career for the first woman to play the sport well, jackie Anderson.

Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate. Keep it on the news, put him on the defensive. Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING) And that's how you end hunger.

Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend.

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another.

But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you?

Low wine level detected.

FRY: Launch all missiles!

Nothing like a power nap. Flies, flies and gorillas!

You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it! Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out.

We don't got nobody here by that alias. FRANCIS: Hey, hey, that's me. Are those my new clamps?

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here. Robot House. Hey, Dean.

(SCATTING) Oh! I like your nerd glasses.

I don't know which I like more smashing cars or smashing faces. Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight. Now, come on, we got church tomorrow.

And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar.

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom. My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil? Well, I got a label for you, pal-- an ugly little word called "prejudice." I'm not prejudiced.

Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap.

Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn. Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie?

Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad. Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, monsignor. Hello. We're here because we, uh...

Game shows are back.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

That's a big number-- 50. Yeah, if you're an idiot.

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this." But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime. Whoo!

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope.

La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist?

What now, chief? Now, we crash the ship into their headquarters killing them in a hellish firestorm from which no living thing can escape. Good, good. Then what? Then your mission is complete. I, meanwhile, will have ejected to safety wearing the only space suit on board.

Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum...

No fair. Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out. Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic.

All right! Hooray!

It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash Then let me get right to the point I don't boil my pot for every Crab I see

ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC)

Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then.

Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot.

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

This time you'll have all the human comforts. We'll get a couple of toilets some food cookers, maybe a puppy... it's good to be home. It sure is. By the way, I saved your stuff.

6:30? Maybe she's stuck in slow traffic. I know she'll come. I know it. I really thought she was gonna come.

For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow! Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere.

Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000.

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold.

Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume! I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste!

(BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough.

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes?

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

(MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though. Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty.

Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things! Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo!

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain,

there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet! All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do.

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick.

People say my broken friend is useless But I say his mind is free There's lots of things my mangled robot friend could be

You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Now, that's hospital dancing.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

What do you say we split a free drink at the robo bar? They've got unlimited pretzels. Put a little peanut butter on there, they really fill you up. Well, it has been a while. Is it okay with you, Fry? Sure, that'd be great. I'll just sit here and feed the mosquitoes. (MOSQUITOES WHINING)

Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time.

Guenter! You're alive. I guess the hat must have broke my fall. It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy.

I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out.

Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam? Stands back. I'm gonna puts my moves on her.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow! Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in.

Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like?

(CLUCKING) This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this.

ROBOTS CHANTING: One, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, one, zero, one, zero, zero, zero... Welcome, friend. I am Ab-BOT, the abbot of this monastery. Sir, I am but a tired and rusty traveler. Can we talk? Come, make yourself uncomfortable.

If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you...

No. So get to work on these dishes. Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see. Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race.

There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow.

You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay. You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

This is awesome. Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love? If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be?

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance. (LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh!

Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions.

Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? I don't know, but we can't wait any longer. Good-bye, Bender. Wait for us!

Of course not! Filthy ice rats!

Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder. Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here.

You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

But you're better than normal. You're abnormal.

No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick. (REPORTERS CLAMORING) Scoop Chang, New New York Times online podcast blog comments editor. Mr. Mayor, isn't this e-waste dangerous? Not at all, Scoop. Not after it's hauled off to the third world by an expendable team of minimum-wage nobodies.

Large bet on myself in round one!

Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we--

Futurama. Noun. Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

Hello, peasants.

So now my character has a British accent? No. Now your character's in a coma. Get in bed and don't move.

Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space.

Look at me! I'm invisible.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time.

that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race, indeed the fate of all that exists and ever will exist... rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe. Oh, snap!

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus.

So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig. You really don't want me to be captain anymore?

The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick.

(GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are. Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface. If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember? Right. You gonna finish that roll? Shh.

Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral.

Vergon 6? This light dinner is over. Wait. What's wrong? The Democratic Order of Planets prohibits interfering with undeveloped worlds. It's a little rule known as "Brannigan's Law." But people already interfered. That planet was mined completely hollow.

What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting? Bender! This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big.

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right! Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera. Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (EXCLAIMS)

Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs! Scandalous.

I'll play. I'm in! Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me. Ew. Hello.

- Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology. An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect.

Well, this place has everything except the only thing I care about-- a TV. It's got a TV, you young whatchacallit... idiot. Ooh. Whoa, slow down. This place just doesn't feel like home. It just isn't... cozy.

Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town.

Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried.

That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of-- Hold me. On, Trasher! On, Smasher!

Correct. 6,000 hulls. Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto? To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going.

(GASPS) Manwiches?

So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah.

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

Yes! Front row!

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

You've all taken your pressure pills, right? Yes. Stop asking. I've got his scent. Over here where the water gets warmer. This way.

An obsession with completing my delivery. Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

Listen, you filthy crab.

What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in.

and we had just finished building a miniature black hole.

We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here. Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet. No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock. He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it.

And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings? No, she just makes us do work and stuff. Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right.

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real.

(GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING) Aw! Did you miss me, pookie? Ow! Oh! I can't watch. I better take some pictures. Wait a minute.

What is? General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this.

Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no.

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel.

The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women--

Remember me! I will. I will.

Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man.

I can still feel pain! He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window! No, no. Wait. I-- I feel terrible about what happened. I've just been under a lot of stress lately down at the plant, you know?

English - US - Line 21

Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing. Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number.

Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad...

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all...

Perhaps the Decapodians acquired our secret codes somehow. Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame.

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free. Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check. Welcome! Oh, I'm just so excited! I'm Sheldon, and this is my chief financial officer, Gwen. For 30 years, we've shared the adventure of managing Romanticorp. Not to mention the adventure of marriage.

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

Hey, there's my little space heater.

That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three.

Fire! Look out!

Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS)

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

(GROANS) Oh, Delivery-Boy Man! You saved me by random chance! Don't thank random chance. Thank my meteor-wishing power, with your lips.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it!

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do!

Doooooooooooooooo...!

Ooh! Let Bubblegum tell it! Pretend these basketballs are time particles, my silver honky. As the nebula bounce-passes them off us... Aaah! Ooh! Aaah! they cause these dents, or "time skips." You are so smart.

for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

Fry? Where are you? Right here, baby. (GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me? Ah! Alone and unhooked. Let the evening begin.

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to?

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm. You ever made out with a tugboat? Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there,

Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow. Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is--

Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace. What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name!

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend! Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey.

Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah! Yeah! One bowl of jell-O knuckles, please.

Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication. Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway.

Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh...

I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

What? You can give me new ears? Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return? just your hands, my dear. Whatever you said, forget it! All right. Then just one hand. Just... my left hand? Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two.

My God. She's gone.

Leave me alone.

Shut up, Fry, I know it.

- Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

(GRUNTING) (SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt?

Can I drive? No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day?

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"?

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko.

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

Name? Cosmic Y. Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves?

They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world.

You want to die?

Angus is right.

We'll make it. Or die trying.

Before I call a recess for mimosas and horse breeding, can the defense produce the bending unit in question?

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him,

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us.

by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone! Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride.

I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender. How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords.

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher. (ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew.

Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return?

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect?

For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud? Actually, we've decided to go in a different direction. What if I told you we wouldn't be fighting in the conventional sense?

I'm at the input console. I'm a little nervous, and I've got brain in my butt crack. Roger. Once you press the detonator, you will have 60 seconds for an exciting escape. Hey, wait. This brain knows everything about everything, right?

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system.

Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez. Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork.

(GAS HISSING) There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Help! My gyroscope melted! I'm out of control! (BOTH SCREAMING)

There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait. Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One!

Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING) Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant...

Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's happened! Bam? I've met the most dynamite ladybot. Hey, that's terrific. To celebrate, I'm gonna stick seven copies of my latest cookbook on your bill. Bless you, sir.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

Death to the men!

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost!

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

FARNSWORTH: I'll show that banana-swilling poop-slinger!

Uh. Uh. Okay, so we were hot. I stole Amana's Freon coil so we could hook it up to Bender's ass and build a cooler. You are no better than me, you shifty tree skink. How do you live with yourself? Damn it, woman, you're making me highly Selassie! Don't you talk to me that way, you big, hairy Belafonte.

Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What?

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal. It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops.

Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows.

Oh. What's it called now?

I made you some trail mix for the flight.

You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

That's my-- Gotcha. Oh. Poor Bender. He must be so lonely right now, trapped a thousand years in the past. Hey, wait a second!

Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets.

But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime. With that odious robot barred from the grounds, the weekly hunt is hereby called once more to order. Let the hunt begin.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Fourscore and 1,145 years ago our forefathers' foreheads conceived a new nation. And this Presidents' Day, we honoreth those values that my body fought and died for. Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger.

And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have. Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait.

I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.

You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that. That's enough out of you.

(GASPING) (GAGGING)

As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Impressive. My family has been making these hearts since the 1900s.

These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys.

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry.

I feel like I lost weight. All of it. Remarkable! It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

Trey, "V." Trevi! It's the Trevi fountain! There can be no question! But, Professor... There can be no question! Wow, it hasn't changed in 1,000 years.

The jewels, the parties, the beautiful robo-women. Hello. (SCOFFS) My fiancee, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day.

Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me.

You both should be in here instead of me.

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah!

Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet! Swing low

It being the celebration of your planet's millennium,

You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Dance, slave, dance.

Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one.

And so dies our hope of solving this mystery. Come on, gang. Let's go home. Wait! Let's not give up so easily.

But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul.

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad.

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie.

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad.

And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while Like numbers beyond what you can dial

You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business.

Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much.

It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING) See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them! Oh, I'm so bad at this.

Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it. Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad, but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written.

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing! We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles!

(GASPING) Oh! (CROWD EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed. I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING)

Another job well done. Now back to the office for an enjoyable evening of fasting and repentance. Whoa, whoa. Wait, Bender. As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases.

Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa?

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer.

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Flexo? What's goin' on?

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

just so long as nothing makes it beat faster. Abandon ship!

Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot. And I'm gonna tell you all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down?

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"?

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo!

Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful.

yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD i'm just A love machine and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error. You saved us.

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING) Addendum.

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif. And above all, have fun.

All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you. And that's why you'll never make captain, Kif. Hmm. Hello, Zapp? Well, well, well. Zapp, we're out of fuel. And Vergon 6 is about to implode.

(CHEERING) And furthermore, by golly, I promise to cut taxes for the rich and use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel. Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich.

Oh, my swollen feet. I'd better take my pills. Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions? (ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed...

Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man.

What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon.

Float for your lives!

But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet. Ooh. Sorry. What sorry? Our planet stinks. We all know it.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies.

The landfills were full. New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge.

Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges.

I want to enlist.

All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho...

Of course, my significant soldier.

What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay. Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic!

I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

Yes, from Chester A. Arthur to Chester Z. Arthur, they're all here. Our republic and the Farnsworth family name are saved. And no one will ever know.

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir.

I'll handle this. Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me.

As we sail down the river of Slurm you'll see our mixologists at work. They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God!

Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine... just get to work. "I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na." I agree.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface. If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember?

Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken!

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

So this is your lair? Of course not! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair's a million times nicer than this.

I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here.

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all!

(HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you!

world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

Fry, I came to talk to you. No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever. I am so, so sorry for what I did, and I know I can never make it up to you. You don't have to apologize. In fact, I came to thank you. I think you mean hit me.

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

Look out, a solar flare!

That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu!

Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate!

- Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa.

I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. Cut it out, Mom!

Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a

I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone? It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why.

Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil.

So what do you do these days? Oh, I'm a doctor.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon!

Bender, bend the barrels. But I love guns! Then pretend they're little human necks. What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

Perfect. This ought to make me stand out. Look how ridiculous they look.

Of course. Over here is Wong Library. It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe. Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity.

That calculus lecture was harder than I expected. We had to answer every question in the form of an opera. I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, if I don't want to be embarrassed.

Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives.

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story. The crisis on Pluto worsens... as dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat. The images are truly horrific.

Hermes, no! Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews. But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other. I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

created the box containing your universe.

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh. It's a sunny little doomed planet inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals. Animals?

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off?

Take him down to processing while I stay here and get hooted at. Ooh, yeah, baby! Oh, stop.

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Hello, shoppers. It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Farewell, Nikolai. Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

Whoopsie-daisy.

I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog... using the very same apparatus I used to clone you. Ooh, look! There's a smidge of toe still in here. You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy mineral shell, there's still a creamy core of dog nougat.

BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties.

Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel.

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous! Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you.

(SCREAMING) (LOUD SLAMMING) (PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death!

You bet! Hold on there, chief. Regular old pork ain't gonna win this thing. You gotta get innovative with your meat. See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst.

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING) These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department!

Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

i Will wait For you

Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING) There. See? It was no big thing. What was that big thing?

Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em!

Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction. Vergon 6? This light dinner is over. Wait. What's wrong? The Democratic Order of Planets prohibits interfering with undeveloped worlds.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything.

but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No! So, we're cool?

and you Bambi-loving beatniks will never stop it. Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species. This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court.

Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh! Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me.

Let's go! Let's go! We've got to get these moon rocks to the moon by moondown. Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts. They consider them part of their cultural heritage. (GRUNTING)

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you! Bender, do you know who that was?

No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it. So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus?

But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil.

Husband, show a little Ku'umba and fetch some beeswax before Kwanzaa ends. Sweet candelabra of La Habra, LaBarbara. Isn't this the last night of Kwanzaa? Who the hell knows?

I see some movement up there. I think it's him. Stand back. Oops. Don't worry, they'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off.

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News. Senator, in the last 10 seconds, I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth. Care to evade these compelling charges? No. I mean, yes. I mean... (GROANS) Okay, let's nip this Earther movement in the bud by releasing your Earth certificate. Where were you born?

And now, friends and lovers, we come to the heart our operation. Pun definitely intended. Oh!

Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh! Neat! Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech-support guys in India.

Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

Order! In the matter of Everyone v. Farnsworth,

Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama.

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof.

Hey. Wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour? Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome. - Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Mmm. The ingredients are cooked,

"These unique rock formations "were created over millions of years by mineral-rich water, "dripping from pores in the ceiling. "Dripping and dripping, year upon year, "century upon century..."

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish.

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

Welcome to academia. He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy! Earth will come to a stop, and... Half of you will cook, and half of you will freeze. Earth will be one big McDLT. We just got that commercial last year. Oh, yeah, smarty paws?

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't.

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?

Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender.

it's the study of alien languages. Why can't you listen? Oh, sugar lump, I hear you when you actually say something important. LEELA: But sometimes opposites attract, and like the fairy tale of face mutant and butt mutant, the love of Munda and Morris has grown stronger every day.

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

Thank you. Come again.

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

(CLUCKING) This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper.

Stop! Stop shooting!

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

Mind if we crash here tonight?

Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle. Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

Rock crushes scissors...

That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector. Some do.

Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion.

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do

Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished.

Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead. And Conrad is disqualified!

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

climb, climb, and we're back in business.

What's that scribble-di-gook? This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might. Yeah, you'd better run.

Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me. Won't you join us, Mr. Blob? Sounds like a plan.

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it.

Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray.

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens. (MOANING) Leela, wake up. I can't face this mysterious planet alone without you or someone like you. (BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up.

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh! As mayor of New New York it's my pleasure to introduce the honorary captain for the Titanic's maiden voyage. A man who single-handedly defeated the Retiree people of the Assisted-Living Nebula-- Zapp Brannigan!

And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo! Pss! That's not scary. It is if you're a laser printer. Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story.

You young Turks think you know everything. I was inventing things when you were barely turning senile.

Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of--

I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But...

Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say-- Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company.

MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like.

Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their... Is he objecting or backing up? Looks like both.

Threaten all you-- Wait. What? We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh. Kif.

Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

What, now there's a bird involved?

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you. Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway?

That is nasty! Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door!

My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Sign here on this Supercuts coupon. I don't know. Don't I need a degree to write gibberish for toddlers? Come on, Miss Leela. Don't be a 'fraidy cat like Feffernoose. Okay. I'll do it to show you kids you can succeed at anything, if you just luck out hard enough.

You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah. Meet Mr. Sunbeam.

The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so... Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah.

And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer.

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING)

Allow me. There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich.

Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters?

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops.

(BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey! The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING)

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race.

Then eat it. So, uh, what's this big score anyway? We're heisting a shipment of zuban cigars. Zubans?! Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a whole maternity ward with one of those things. Yo, there's our pigeon now. Let's shoot bullets out of our guns.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine. Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat.

Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I hope this is the control stick.

For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of. Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

Timber! Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car? Maybe if you clean up first. It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry.

Hermes, don't press that button!

Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences!

You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

(LAUGHING) Whoa! Looks like you guys had fun. Did we ever! Gram-gram fell down at the ice cream store and we got free ice cream! Now let's all go take a nap!

But there's still one cop with no special abilities whatsoever. There's only one way to know who committed this crime. I'll just have to find out. Detective Klaus Mandela is The Finder Outer. This truly is the golden age of television.

You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING)

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here.

You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe. And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins.

Wait! No, thanks.

No, no. Well, yes, actually.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This.

La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir. Roger that.

I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING) Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

(TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things!

Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes.

Whoa! The Maltese Liquor. Forty ounces of heaven!

That's a tender area.

Rite my riny retal rass!

(SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it! (YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper. It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals.

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness.

Excuse me. Have you seen a giant brain? Yep. I let him help me whitewash Aunt Polly's fence. Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins? Well, sure. I mean, not really. I mean, nature will work itself out. It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix things. - Right? - I don't know. Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence,

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing.

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here.

Him. We'll do it. Very well, then. Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

the hypno-toad.

It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah!

you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly.

But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind. Well, anyway, just remember that people care about you.

Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race!

Halatina Smogmeyer. And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator. Thank you, Bob Barker.

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover. Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us."

What the hell was that? Phew! I don't believe it. It's dark matter. So this guy just unloaded a steaming pile of starship fuel? His species must have filled the entire planet with it. Did you do that, you cute little--

Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment.

Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

I have got to quit drinking. Thanks, friend! Another great thing was she always had room for dessert.

You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home. You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot.

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh!

I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "Smizmarr," and my Smizmarr is Amy. So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?

And just recently, I learned of a modern-day Farnsworth who invented the Anti-Senility Truss. That's you, Professor. Wha... Ah, yes, the Farnsworths boast a proud and distinguished lineage. No wormy fruit on this tree. What about Fry? (SNORING) Isn't he your distant uncle?

Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement.

Earth! Indubitably. Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball. (MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban.

Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night. Well, um-- Heh. The, um-- H-Hello. 'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff. Oh.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds.

Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway. I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8. "Esteemed potentates of omicron Persei 8,

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

What is the meaning of this symbol?

I have sweaty boot rash!

Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan.

When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages.

And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

Only this time--

There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea...

Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies. (GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay.

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS)

Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube.

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be! (ALARM SOUNDING) Wha... The marvelous device,

Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots.

We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky.

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion?

He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was.

We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like-- What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms. What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them. Well, which of you wrote me that sonnet?

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face. (SPUTTERING IN PROTEST) Brace yourselves,

Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive! Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock! My fellow fish monsters,

But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here.

Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery.

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret.

Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper. And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor.

A freshly dug robot grave. Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom. Step aside.

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

No, Clamps. No clamps. Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do.

That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter! Duck! Take your base. Please, lady! I want to live. Can I use bat to protect head? Ow! Apparently not.

And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps, but we, like, totally dissed Moose!

Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria.

I apologize for nothing!

AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed.

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human.

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time,

You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer.

(EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops.

You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces.

Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way. So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job! Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles! I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I almost got you! Come here, you. (SQUEAKING)

Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old. Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life,

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

It's that hot, it is!

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it!

Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

News and weather, everyone. I'm sure you've all noticed the bizarre atmospheric conditions of late. Come to mention it, yes.

This is my wife, Darlene. We met at the 99 cent store. You're married? Wait a dang minute. One eye, purple hair. You're Leela! The crazy one that Sean dumped. It was mutual! Sean, why is this hussy at our resort? Your resort? This is our vacation.

Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

Hermes, don't press that button!

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body!

At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

You wrote "Commit the crime!"

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING)

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes!

I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado. Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time.

My work here is done.

Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night--

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? Let the hunt begin!

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece!

Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky. Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Uh... I'm ready to go back now.

I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside?

I've got the heart of a human. What?

Two! Four! Six eyes! The mutant people will arise! The segregation of the mutant people ends today. We demand equal rights, equal access to the surface, and the blood of your first-born children. (SOFTLY) That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations.

Sir, I'm outfitting an expedition to a monastery high in the Himalayas. I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice! This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it!

He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here.

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink. I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now.

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. (PANTING)

How long have you been at it? 700 years. We've not yet examined one ten-millionth of the sky. But we will go on until we find the Almighty. Even if it takes to the end of time. And then what? Then, we utter unto him a short prayer.

Just as I feared. Attack-type J. No! No! Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew! Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus,

So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you? Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you.

Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Uh, eh, uh... This, um...

(EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that? Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea.

(WHIMPERING) (GROWLING) I'll save us by scaring him off with my crazy war noise. (PURRING) Crunch all you want. I'll make more.

But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen!

KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

As for me, I design mansions, then live in them.

Caca-head. Mean old caca-head.

"To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible.

What? They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots. He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend.

Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man.

What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix?

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing. But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy! The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death.

The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe.

The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat. I'm Albert. Kind of fatty. Then how 'bout this little number? Purebred human. - No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh-- If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit.

Ah, Leela's not that bad. I just wish she didn't make us work so much. Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk. No, it's Langdon Cobb versus Calculon.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS)

Ah! There. Perfect. Good news, everyone. The Clone-O-Mat is ready. Yea! Whoo-hoo! Finally!

(SNICKERS) (GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster! That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today.

Oh, and Kif is pregnant. Oh, joy!

Stop exploding, you cowards!

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh! Ow. What? Oh!

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby! Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink.

At least hot dogs haven't changed. Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn.

This is mine, right next to the center square. Sorry, Hermes, I drank all your Wite-Out. (LAUGHING) Once I log in, I can access Inspector 5's profile. (BUZZER SOUNDS) Damn it, it won't go on!

Pizza dinner on me. just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want?

(ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded!

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem.

Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one! How about Blotto?

Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis!

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation.

Hey, Leela, look at me!

I don't like the looks of this, Mr. President. Shall I switch it off? Negative. Rosemary, release the Surgeon General. ROSEMARY: Get in there! Ow! It's bright out here. Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed.

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time!

Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day?

Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity.

Neat. Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer, we discovered the wreck of the Land Titanic, on which your husband land-drowned. Inside was something that might interest you. The gemerald ring my husband was to give me in lieu of children.

Oh, no, I'm late!

(CLEARS THROAT) I mean, a uniform that doesn't involve short pants. (SIGHS) I can see I have no future here. My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts.

You know, the rents are a lot more reasonable in Peru. Come on, Leela, let's go out. After 40 years, I want to see the world. (SIGHS) What the heck? You want to go out? Let's really go out.

I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery. Here and here.

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

Hmm. Hmm. Oh, look! Some little kids. They'll save us.

But I guess the memory is gone forever. Like Kaboom cereal. And my family.

What are you doing, darling? Get down! Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots. Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick. Hey!

Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste. What is it? I burned my finger.

I hate you! I hate you!

It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela! Whoo! You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die.

(ALL SCREAMING) (ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives.

He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old. Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa!

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks. Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship? There but for the grace of God.

What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck.

This situation deteriorated fast. (HUMMING) Whoo-hoo! We've been weed-whacked! Whoa, check out that giant... (SCREAMS) (THUDDING)

What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh!

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over.

(CHOIR MUSIC) ALL: Oh! Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive.

Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw!

My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan!

Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Please, stay calm.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new. What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops.

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

Oh, I can't help you play better than Tiny Iota. That guy was great. But I'll teach you everything I know. Okay, let's see what you can do. One thing she can do is lodge a ball in the dead center of your brain. You better get a batting helmet.

Who's my favorite robot? It's me!

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year.

Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.

I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic. Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met.

Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man.

Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested. As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day,

Thank God this log is sturdy. Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us.

Aw, somebody likes snouts.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING)

(BLOOD DRAINING) Leela?

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later.

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before.

Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

$30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover.

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds.

Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

Here we go, y'all! Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry.

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended.

Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling. I owe it all to you.

(BIRD CHIRPING) Nope. (BABY MOBILE TINKLING) Man, I always wanted to ride in that stroller. But nope. Where could I have heard that music? Yo, Cosmic F. What up?

i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

(CREW SCREAMING) Behold!

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

(GASPS) You're a human?

Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff. Give it to me! Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us mafiolios. There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING)

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh. (LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives.

Hold on! I refuse to fight.

I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered.

But seriously, there are Moon Men. (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, this year's Nerd Search runner-up is a young man who devised a way to add and subtract in zero gravity. Vijay Patel and his calculator space hat! Whoo!

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight!

What? We survived the crash?

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Nothing like a power nap. Flies, flies and gorillas!

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

Fire up the sewer gas! Move it, you ugly normals!

your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech-support guys in India. But I read in Esqwired magazine that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"?

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir!

Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light.

Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry! I just wish I could have showed you guys how great they were. I may be rich, but I still can't buy back all the things I miss from the 20th century.

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown.

a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner.

Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking. Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better.

Look out, a solar flare!

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have!

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream.

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif.

Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment. In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors. This is an outrage!

Are you presenting one of those tacky honorary awards or just getting one? I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space. You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food.

Your Medicare dollars at work.

I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of.

It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn. Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts. I beg you, Mrs. Astor, if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did.

I... am... Destructor!

For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do.

Hey, Pops! Did that tax rebate come? Came and went! You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots.

Good news, everyone. We've got a very special delivery today.

What? Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team!

when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more,

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney. You've changed, Fry.

So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry?

I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell. Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz?

Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING)

My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle! (STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look. Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING) Ew! Why is that happening?

Don't thank me. I should be punished. I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted. They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy.

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

Chairman-san, I came here with one goal-- to humiliate Elzar in a large stadium. I believe I've done that. No question. But the true Zen of flavor is not found in a coliseum. It is found in a small kitchen with friends. That is why I decline the title of iron Cook,

Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice.

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better. The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect... and admiration of the creative community. How about we rig the awards? That's fine too.

Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? "Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out! - (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

That's horrible! Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition.

So, if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me... with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

Okay, Leela, you'll be starring as jennie, who-- Uh-uh. Forget it. A: I'm camera shy, and B: I get tongue-tied in front of an audience armed with death rays. Plus, you don't really have the thighs for a miniskirt. Give me the script.

you could go back and not waste your time on it. There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose.

Coed steam rooms... I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition!

Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough.

Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm?

And that employee is... Hermes Conrad. What? No way! Hermes, no! Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews.

You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed.

I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age.

We give up. (GIGGLES) You guys are weird. I have to go open my flower stand before the falafel guy takes my spot, but it was great to meet you. See you later, crab cakes. Dr. Zoidberg, she's great. She's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm.

Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going. You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide.

Hey... Business is great. Great is okay, but amazing would be great.

Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned. At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all.

Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah! You're dead meat!

Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes? All right, but I wanna lick the beaters. I got her champagne. I opened it. What does a guy have to do? Eighty-six the chump stuff, F-man.

I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh...

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough.

Good hustle, soldier. Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode. You know how testosterone is. As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do. What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon!

Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks!

Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo. Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that!

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire!

Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope.

helps ease the pain. It's good!

In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that.

Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour.

No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen.

Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room. 7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING)

'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking...

Welcome to the show.

Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it. Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to.

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS) To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS)

- All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting."

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

Hooray! A tie! (GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no.

The calendar predicts fires, earthquakes,

Well, you're looking great.

I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face.

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em! Now, this is the high life, watching apes mangle each other near celebrities. In my day, we went to coke parties, but the principle's the same.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation. It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you?

Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has. Look at these tracks. I think Bender may be telling the truth.

Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Hmph! More like seven. Oh!

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder!

Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life.

And now a man who needs no introduction. Fry! Get up there! Thank you. You know, when I was first asked to make a film about my nephew--

Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash?

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

Then I'll prove I'm alive by telling you something only I could know. There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left. It's too beautiful to open. Can I open it?

No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet.

just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about?

They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen. Now, close your eyes and think of England. I say. What's that in your crown? You mean the Andamooka Opal? That's the most precious gem in all the... Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb.

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file?

(WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela.

oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was...

From where Dr. Brutaloff slashed me with his finger knives, right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me. (GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man.

Oh, geez. Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain. But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff. But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn!

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my. I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth.

Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas.

(SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy.

Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

I am? Huh! Maybe Zapp isn't the only one who's marriage material. You're getting there.

Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day! Oh!

Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there?

Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING)

Oh, no, I'm late!

From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, "Bender didn't do that! "It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

(YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident.

If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did. Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh!

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut!

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son.

Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh!

NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church. Sound off as you jump.

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES)

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do

I'm the academy's oldest living member, you know. These youngsters all look up to me. Well, well, well... look who decided to show his wrinkled face. Why don't you just leave me alone, Wernstrom? Face it, Farnsworth, you're over the hill. It's time to leave science to the 120-year-olds.

And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing. Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS)

(SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS) News and weather, everyone. I'm sure you've all noticed the bizarre atmospheric conditions of late. Come to mention it, yes.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

No. I remembered that I built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent. Here, I'll point it at jupiter. Smells like strawberries.

(SPLUTTERING) Ah! May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap! TAKEI: Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right.

No, he died yesterday. Rust monsters ate his face.

(ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY) Sign here, please. I'll just use my opposable thumb. You know, normally I don't go for New World monkeys,

For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What? Look here. Hunting is a team effort, and you're not pulling your weight. Now, I'm going to be sporting and give you one more chance to run.

You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available.

Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy.

Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it.

I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams... and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot.

You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

What's all this ruckus? People live here, you know. Mr. President, our children are fat and dumb, and we blame cartoons. It's time to get government onto our backs. We demand you regulate children's programming and force the writers to shoehorn in helpful lessons.

This is the end of all things.

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

Fry! Thank God we found you. Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days.

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead?

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up. How about Camptown Races? MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart.

We're two days from Earth with no food. Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser.

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female.

But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

No! My son will not shame me like this. I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy!

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son! They used to be such peaceful birds. I suppose this was your doing. Yep, it's like I taught 'em. If it ain't black and white, peck, scratch and bite.

(POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty,

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes. Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we? No.

Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right!

Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.

No offense, Zoidberg, but maybe you'd be better off if you stayed behind. Yes, better. A lonely weekend in my dumpster with a jar of pennies and tears. Sounds good. See you Monday!

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public?

Uh... I'm ready to go back now. We're going to die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela!

He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice. (TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back.

Behold the dance of peace.

Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth.

What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude.

Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession!

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home! But Ndnd would never take me back now. Ndnd just wants what every she-beast wants,

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! We've come a long way, baby. The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura.

I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is.

Before I call a recess for mimosas and horse breeding, can the defense produce the bending unit in question? We don't know where the hell he is. Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo. Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha--

Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now.

I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked.

With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move. (GASPS) I can't believe you came! The Beachmaster'll kill you if he finds out! Also, who are you? I'm in love with you! And I don't care what he thinks.

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim.

At least I still have my self-respect.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this?

You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

Faster! Faster!

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented.

On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

I am one hungover cryogenicist. just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss.

You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela? There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS) (SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony.

Goin' through the robot wash C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah Hmm?

(SIGHS) Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano. Now can we have our pizza? You'll get your damn pizza, you parasite! First, let's see if my Nanobots have purified the water yet.

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3...

Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas.

Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh! We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where?

You know you love it, sugar engine.

Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

(SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What? (BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break!

Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no.

Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father?

I say, Robot House. Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves. Good one, Chet.

But through the American Southwest! I'm going too fast! I've got to lose momentum!

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

Look, Morris! It's Leela calling.

(SCREAMS) Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun.

Mmm? Mmm. Pay dirt. Lovely, isn't it? Yeah. But only 93% as lovely as you. Oh, Bender.

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth! (SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye!

who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING) Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii,

Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer? I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room.

Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up!

Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am.

Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me.

He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

and boy bands roamed the earth? Yeah, but now it's the distant future. Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of? Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

You were right. I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No!

So he just showed up unannounced, raided the liquor cabinet, sprayed urine on the ceiling and passed out? And the walls. Leave me alone. My wife hates me and planetary conquest has become a chore. There, there. You're just having a midlife crisis.

I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

What the hell are you doing here?

I'm back, baby! Blaah! We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew.

I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

mmmbop ba-duba-dop

We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill.

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood.

Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE)

- What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo." No offense intended, my filthy friend.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy. Why am I the only one whining? All personnel, report to the laboratory. I've discovered the source of the music. (LAUGHS) Hologram off.

Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue?

just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that?

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago.

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Oh, really? Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five. And now for the finishing touch.

This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology.

Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do?

It's a darn shame. He must have jumped ship with the atom the second we landed. Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style.

I'll do my part.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds. Okay, Fry here's the package to deliver.

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt! (ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap! Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often. It's all right, dearest. I know it was just the Nectar talking. And groping.

(EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer.

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah.

Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was. Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me?

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my.

Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think.

The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing.

Behold! The Internet!

Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender.

A new era of justice has begun. What?

My God! Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man! It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

(WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter.

What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender. Pull in your line, and let's go. Hey, I'm snagged.

FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint. The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton.

You may be gelatinous, but not even the Mochi Phantom could perform such intricate motions! Says you, salary-man.

Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here?

How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions. You know, Umbriel, these last 24 hours have been the happiest days of my life.

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh?

Well, that was pointless.

I'm addressing the planet. ROSEMARY: First, brush your teeth! Yeah, yeah. My fellow Earthicans, a great American monster has been silenced. Clone of Agnew is gone, killed in his clomping shoes by ruthless Omicronians.

Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend. Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS)

(CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker.

And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day. Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even--

You are not the one we want.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh!

Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING) (BEEPING) The name of the game is Candyland.

Your granny can go to hell! I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second.

No! No! Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew!

Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed.

Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you.

And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan. Let's get the hell out of here.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun...

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever! Fire!

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache.

From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover. (SIGHS) Fine. You'll get your cut. I don't really care about the money anyway. I just want to show those poor, disadvantaged orphans that they can succeed in life. Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send. Greetings, followers. This is day five of my solo kayak journey around the world. Send. (LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops.

Then, outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Jr.

Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you.

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies.

Ahhh! Hello. Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale. Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron.

Deploying ice drill. Wow! That ice dispenser's so big, the ice crushes you. Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't. Activating ice drill!

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring. Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain.

I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child.

Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him.

Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah!

You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood.

(GRUNTS) Incredible! Who could have done this, the sewer mutants?

Is it a kind of hair spray? No!

for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.

Oh, man, this is great.

And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too. - Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster.

If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now! Our universe is doomed!

What else? Nothing else. I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan. Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

(CROWD EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) We'll teach you not to lose immediately.

Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Calculon, as your hot water heater, I would be remiss... if I didn't bring you scripts that could make you an international film star. Of course. Tell me about the project. It's a movie. - Interesting. Tell me more. - Get this. For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star.

No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly.

Welcome to MomCorp.

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea.

Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah. Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.

And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card.

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max.

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network. Aye, aye, sir. Commence lip identification scan.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout. Now fetch me some working-class cognac from our brandy storeroom that you know how to find.

Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me. All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets.

He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy.

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you?

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

(BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich! No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy,

What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

Oh. Ah! My heart!

- Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh?

Well, sorry, Bender. I guess I owe you an... Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway? Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery!

I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working. I'm not sure, either. We better ask Amy.

I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say.

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy--

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called?

Let me see the script. No. No, I don't like the font. Wait! Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid? Written and xeroxed. Good heavens. A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid.

Initiate containment procedure.

Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

Oh-oh. Here, you drive. Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me.

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been?

it will land here on your finger. You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand. Comet kaboomination in three, two... Uh, hello, cuckoo. The diamond still didn't break!

That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me. Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment,

I'm a lousy role model. I'm sorry. No, don't be. It turns out you were an inspiration after all. I was? Uh-huh. You were so awful that women everywhere set out to prove they don't stink as bad as you. You know, like a pig or somethin'. Oh, that's so kind of you.

They know our disgusting secret!

All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us

Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

And now a man who needs no introduction.

Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels." (ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. "You've been warned, people."

Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization.

I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are.

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it.

Look how ridiculous they look. Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive.

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives?

No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face. Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

"Stop asking questions, old man,

I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway.

We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary?

Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me.

(CAGE CLANGS SHUT) Here's my new theory: That is one adorable cat. I guess I was just jealous.

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody.

I'm back, baby.

I'm telling you-- Leela was cool, she was in command and when she kicked people, it hurt. It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment. It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment.

Warp drives! Get your warp drives! (WHISTLES) Say, friend, that's a heck of a ship. She's worth a lot of money. I'm gonna sell her at market so my girlfriend can get surgery for her squidification.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even. You know, Coilette, I've never before met a woman as fascinating as I am. You're such a sweet, soft fembot,

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height--

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela

We're back, baby!

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids?

One sunny, funny day, there was an unfamiliar visitor in Rumbledy-Hump. Today we learned that folks are not as different as they seem

I don't need help.

And everyone will know it's real, 'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV. If it's on TV, it has to be real. Morbo interrupts Bowling For Quatloos to present breaking coverage of the birth of Senator Chris Travers.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me!

I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) Hold me in your arms

Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water."

He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt?

Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now. Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth.

Can't we just send our avatars?

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid.

How could you even ask such a thing? Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy. Thanks to years of LaBarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat. Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces.

On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again. There, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat. It better be spicy.

Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick.

He wears sandals.

You owe me one.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass!

My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to...

This is so beautiful! Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already! Yes. I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC. And if this isn't the life you want, how 'bout this?

This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might. Yeah, you'd better run.

Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me.

Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office.

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS)

(WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING) Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now.

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before.

Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Does not compute.

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

(WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

They have phones in booths now?

Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

Hey, sexy mama...

Like our crippling lug nut shortage.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop! I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest...

I think I know what I'm doing. Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty.

(MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers! It's been a good run, people, but this is the end. Wait. I've got it!

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late.

So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport.

Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah. Peace! We out!

With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention.

And it's straight! Coilette wins!

(GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage! (WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

That's okay. You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy. Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997.

Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please. Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip.

(MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh!

Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Draining male oil!

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you!

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back.

living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman!

(ANNOUNCER READING) Or... (ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission, reproduction.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Whoo!

Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

First, I scan the old sweater. Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies.

I have got to quit drinking. Thanks, friend! Another great thing was she always had room for dessert. (SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth! When we reach 72nd Street, jump!

Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live. That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life.

One! Yes! Here I come, future!

Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up.

Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps!

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth!

Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry. And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me.

Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version. Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela... Fine. Hurry up. ...by shooting the one he rejects. (ALL GASP) Lrrr, I'm getting angry.

Yah! Whaa! Hee! Ha! Ye-ow! Give this to my son. You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots.

WOrnstrum... Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday.

Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!" What a pleasant surprise. Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box.

Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach. Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner. Zoidberg?

Is that all you got? Hyah! - Come on, Walter! - Take that!

First, let me pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming! Ouch! I forgot I was a giant crab!

Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son.

It's a necessity of the sport, it is.

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent. Oh! Very well. As leader of the free world, it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence.

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say.

Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter? Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality. Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults.

I'm too scared to find my pocket.

Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action! ...pause!

Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer. Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon! It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion. I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"?

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy.

There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

(CRACKLING) (CHUCKLING) Now who's in the lead? Seriously, I have no idea.

Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo!

Whoo-hoo! They got medals. I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me.

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

(SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

(GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES) I get it. You freed me. You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels. A-ha!

Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend?

So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies.

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents. Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN)

Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God.

One, two! one, two, three!

Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor. Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks. Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum.

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time,

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure. Oh, we're doomed!

I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body! Fry, Leela, you got to help me. Ordinarily, I'd say no and lecture you on how this is your own fault for being such an idiot. But when a robotic Nixon is on the loose, we have a duty to take action.

What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

I'm still waiting on my birth certificate.

I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal.

Well, Jezebel's heart did wander When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender.

Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful.

You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

Oh, what the hell.

This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too.

Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there.

Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them. Oh! Let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood! Sweden? I don't think so!

What? Who are you?

It's Fry. Wiggles?

Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up.

I'll save you, Nibbler.

Cruel fate, I'm dead. They're putting me in my Sunday suit and shoving me in a wooden box. Now they're lowering me into the cold, cold ground. Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard.

Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too?

(SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt? Because it makes me feel happy and confused and wistful and sad. All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature. Why? It all start 30,000 year ago, in fertile Neander Valley.

Up next, the fembot bending competition. Fembots?

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

I love takin' things

against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack.

We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started. We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry.

Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis?

Aw, look. Betsy followed you, Kif. I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail. (BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender,

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia!

Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses. I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs.

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff.

Say, uh, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape. It's about life in ancient Greece and... Sir, the alarm.

It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world For you (ALL GASPING) For you For you

Well, folks, it's only the fifth inning, but the Swedes have turned this one into a laugher,

(CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is-- 107!

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim. Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either,

Well, this is it. Home, stream home. No, it isn't! I was born in the next stream up. You're from Next Stream Up? So am I! I can tell by the magnets in my head, or whatever. Let's go!

That's great, Caboose. Come on in and set a spell. No time. I got someplace to be. See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling. My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh!

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas?

"You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name.

Bye, last proton.

Hey, nice seats.

I love each and every robot most of all.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just...

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe. That's kind of pathetic. Oh, come on, Leela. Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny!

Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew. I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool. They're so cold! And yet hell is so hot!

Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls.

No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING)

JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime.

This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no. Let me show you around. That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire.

Don't do anything that affects anything...

Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What?

What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter.

What? Ah! Oh, no way! Not gonna happen! What kind of girl do you think I am? Have I mentioned that I own the world's biggest and most elegant yacht? She's A lady oh, whoa, whoa she's A lady

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

So, how was your delivery to Fantasy planet where everyone's fantasies come to life? Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with-- Bender! Down with Bender! As a doctor and captain of this hospital ship, I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live.

You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs.

You're breaking up with me? I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun. If that's how you feel-- I'm sorry, but it is. Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day? Huh?!

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Warning. You are now in forbidden space.

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together,

The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me!

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

There they are!

Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network.

(ALL GRUNTING) We're coming to a full stop. All cats, to your posts!

Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk! I'm addressing the planet. ROSEMARY: First, brush your teeth! Yeah, yeah.

I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first. Calculon, wait! That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion. I was. It was shame. I've never felt it before.

You're the best, babe. Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos. Yo soy muy malo en lonzar.

Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow!

Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue.

j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent,

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp. (SMOOCHING) I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela.

I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit.

Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore.

Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer? I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second?

What the hell is it?

What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting? Bender!

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris.

Ohh! Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't!

I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story.

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.

I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

No! Get away from there.

No, sirree. Quit squawking, fleshwad. Nobody's forcing you to buy anything. Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

And now they're gone. Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha! Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here.

Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that! Okay. I like a challenge.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece!

It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell.

I was just about to suggest the same thing. Mmm? Mmm. Pay dirt.

Bender, quick! Waggle something! Uh--

That was incredible! You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center! You guys almost had him until he digested you. Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig.

Wow. We're great kissers.

Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock. Indeed, it's pure diamondium.

Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu. Are you just gonna stare vacantly at her and not say anything? I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me.

And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"?

Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.

I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing? And against a team of clones, no less. (DOOR SLIDES SHUT) Well, gang, it looks like we've got more of the same mystery on our hands.

I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity!

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Ah! This here's a bayonet. It's some kind of kooky half gun, half knife. Now empty out the register! And no bag, please. I care about the environment.

No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize.

Welcome to Plan Am flight one to Acapulsar. The local time on Acapulsar is five years from now. In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents. If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents.

Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter.

Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray.

No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy. Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000.

(EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

Well, I suppose I've always wondered what it would be like... - to be more annoying. - Oh-ho-ho.

I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony.

since I found those "ape bones" in the basement.

Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure! Oww!

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey? Edna!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our director, the legendary Harold Zoid. Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it!

Detecting trace amounts of mental activity.

- Don't stop. - Ew!

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested. We should be safe,

Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all. We stole it!

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us. Work faster-- like this! You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots. Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows!

Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

(STRUGGLING) (CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender. I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't.

Captain's journal: Stardate, uh-- April 13. April 13, point two.

(ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one!

- Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Galloping gators!

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love.

Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ahhh! Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me.

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

Now, that's what I call a great ending.

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now,

Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you.

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me?

I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

Merit badges. This brings me back.

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that.

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants! Duh, duh, duh! They went this way!

for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs. Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story.

I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that! Okay. I like a challenge. Um, no. No. Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants.

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. (ELECTRONIC WARBLING) We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up.

And now their opponents, the vixens most horrible from the big blue marble, the WingNuts. Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen? Since this is a championship match, we are gonna need some lava!

We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was.

BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

Fry, just be quiet.

I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly.

One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds. Ah... Make it two,

My body's 40% titanium.

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

Ow! Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance. Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to...

You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand.

All right. What else we got? Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas. Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide!

Ah! There it is. The Tempus Nebula. Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope.

Munda, tell the Admiral that by signing this peace treaty, we will achieve harmony between our worlds. Zapp, honey, this is the wrong document. It's not a peace treaty. It says they're declaring war on us. Brilliant, isn't I? The moment they sign,

We're even younger! Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert...

No! Put that back and turn it on!

And that name is--

Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Sign the paper.

Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone.

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

But you've got nothing. Oh, no? I've got one single nail, and another nail to nail it in with. And I'm gonna stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! (SCREAMS)

No can do. Oh, all right. I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools then. Very good, sir.

Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

Mr. President. I found the TV remote. Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart. But I wasn't injured. Ow! (SCREAMS) Well, enough governing. It's Saturday morning, damn it.

He's no worse than Bender.

Here he is! Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

Whoa! Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers.

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired!

What I want to know is what is up between you and Bossy Boots here. Her? She's just a bossy friend. Exactly! She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job! This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences!

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia,

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (OWLS HOOTING)

Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left. All right. Let's smoosh some worms! Worms to battle stations!

Who's the lucky lobsterina? I don't know yet but I shall attract one this afternoon with an erotic display. It's amazing that your people can fall in love so fast. Love? That word is unknown here. I'm simply looking for a female swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material. You and me both, brother.

But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

Wait, I have an idea.

Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry!

Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey? Well, as you can see, its wrapper is a piece of the original U.S. Constitution. It was hand-rolled by Queen Elizabeth... during her "wild" years... and was buried with George Burns, until grave-robbing space mushrooms-- well, you know the rest.

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time.

Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies! Try these, um, sir. I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was.

I hope this is the control stick. (METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control. Addendum. Whoa!

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde! You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke. So long, filthy commoners!

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes. Okay, Bender we're here. It's time to get to work. Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale.

I'm a steel-driving man working the trans-universal line. Wow, you've had the exact experiences I want to steal for my song. Oh, heck, I'm nothing special. Just a down-home robot with a big old hammer. Hammer, that should be easy to rhyme. You done time in the slammer? Uh, nope. Been to Alabama? Sorry.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh, honey, I dig you so much. Thank you for saving my stupidly-dressed husband. You're a hero. A hero, indeed. What's your name, son? I don't know. Fry?

No good. It's full of steam.

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy.

Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should? Yes, I do. Leela, have you seen the keys to the spaceship? Uh, I must have left them on board. Oh, well-- I mean, what!

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it. Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters,

presenting Mushu, the educated whale who thinks he's better than you! Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman! And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu!

Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live. That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life.

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah!

I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter.

There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer? I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are.

We're back, everyone! Party!

Freeze! Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them!

Item seven, our corporate tax rate remained unchanged this fiscal year. That's not funny. It's not supposed to be funny. It's a business meeting.

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey...

I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo!

If you'll excuse me.

That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm! Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet.

Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart.

(MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself. Fry, this is Professor Farnsworth.

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh!

I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs! Bummer.

Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man! You old lunatic! How ya been?

But that's how it works! Leave me alone! (ROBOTS SCREAMING) Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease!

Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender." Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories--

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

By far, the most important thing is oil

See? Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING)

My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating?

Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die,

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is--

(GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this.

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you! Bender, do you know who that was?

Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

We'll bill you for the couch.

Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm.

Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide!

And I can't take life anymore! Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History...

Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral.

It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000.

Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up. Home run! Yay, yay! Right? Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened?

- Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here! Over here! Let the hunt begin!

Stop! It's driving me sane!

And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle... Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls.

The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh.

Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela. FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding.

Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up.

(BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit!

Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

(CLOCK BEEPS) (SMOOCHING)

(ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg.

Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings.

I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base.

(EXCLAIMING) Police brutality!

Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh...

Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

Quit exaggerating, Fry. Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish. There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending. Bender, be careful!

and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy.

Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks.

beautiful Women--

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct.

What's that scribble-di-gook?

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you! But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future!

Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word.

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth.

Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING) Oh, God, they're gonna kill me, el roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30-minute head start.

Looks like you're retaining water.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends.

I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that. Hey! Betsy! This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters.

Mmm. That's crisp. Yes, but no more so than your squamous dorsal plates in the moonlight. (SHUDDERS) I am experiencing arousal. My organs are moving into position.

We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see.

Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before, but I used to drive around town in a mausoleum.

Bender, wake up. Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS) (THUDDING) (BUZZER) 48.3 seconds! We got us a winner!

Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you.

But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat...

Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in! I'd like everyone to meet our new employees.

Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that.

Now vent! Vent like the wind! Harder! Harder! Why isn't this working? Some lazy or polite robot is holding it in.

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry--

All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job!

Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers! Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes.

And that's just the way I like it. Haile H. Selassie!

If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who?

Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

Yeah! Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity. ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

I can cure him, but I need the thing, the thing from Triton.

It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly.

I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants.

What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh!

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time.

I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

MRS. ASTOR: Mayor, this sewer debacle has gone on long enough. As your largest campaign contributor, I demand action! Very well. $80 worth of action it is.

It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones?

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

but I think we should just be friends. No!

Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune!

Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily.

I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper. BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original.

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man!

Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender...

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Oh. Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your death clock. And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa? Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place. I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year.

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING) So? What do you think of my comic? Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema.

Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes! Yes!

Like, the real mystery is how I'm gonna get any sleep with all this noise. I need some air. (SCREAMS) It's me, the dragon ghost. We met before.

"Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg.

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here,

(ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge.

Lost something?

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners.

I can't. Ooh! What's that? Maybe we just made love. The buggalo! They're in the crater! The rustlers must have seen me coming and run off scared.

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing!

No. No more bows. Oh, go ahead, you've earned it. Very well. Just one. Phew! That was close.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened!

No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds!

Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you. There must be people somewhere.

Goin' through the 'bot wash Goin' through the robot wash C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo.

Welcome back the bed-wetter of Building D, Turanga Leela. (CLAPPING) Hi, kids. What book would you like me to read first? We don't got books no more. What? He means "anymore." Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny.

Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference.

I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS)

Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot. Hey, Butch, your mom's here. Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School!

(BENDER LAUGHING) Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

(ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world. (ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING)

- (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at--

it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you!

Strike! In your face, Leela! Ow!

There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air. Him pending para un bending. Oh, Qbert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you.

Oh, yeah. Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad?

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

Eh, why is your number "7/8"?

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

I choose to not understand these signs.

(COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it? Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend.

That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song, exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright. I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right?

My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

(SIGHS) I should have destroyed it, but I was too damn proud of myself. So I kept it around, never letting it out of my sight. Where is it, damn it? Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans!

You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham?

Good luck, Bender!

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver.

Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body.

Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer? I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow!

We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them.

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs.

Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News.

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love.

Aren't we going to cuddle?

Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Hey, thanks. You want some candy? Ew. You were eating my turds? Feces pieces? Blech! You must be hungry. Really hungry. Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T."

There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return? Nothing, nothing at all. This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning.

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender! Fry? How'd you find me?

If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol!

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague.

Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid--

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding. Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat.

Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence.

Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television!

We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me? Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem?

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der!

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

That is a pretty name! What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book.

just as well. I'm getting tired of this wood show. Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

Billy, do you want to walk your dog?

You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) You want some of this? (GROANING) (BOTH MOANING)

It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps.

For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy. It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant.

Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently?

Abandon ship! No! Don't give up now. We're but a stone's throw from the pyloric sphincter.

I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

Huh? Bender! You tricked me! That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be.

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello.

Fabulous friends.

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy.

LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter? BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE) (GULPING) (BURPING) Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation.

(LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone, to nurse us through this catastrophe. (GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

We did it out of love for you, Floyd. Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert! You're Hubert? The older brother? (GASPING) But we thought you were still in an institution! Oh, no, no. I was out within 25 years.

I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you.

Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile.

Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula.

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

You're pure lowest common denominator.

And, here we are. The end of the universe.

Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy. These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela! It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that! You mean, we can never catch up to him?

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut.

You are so smart. Hold up. What if we were to move this cluster of stars... to these algebraic coordinates? Their gravity might just divert the chronitons... to the empty side of the universe. Yeah. But it's impossible. Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk.

But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast.

Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet! And now, to raise this beautiful new flag,

The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike?

No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living! Stop! We'll leave.

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS) (EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen.

Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub.

Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener?

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.

Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me? Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

Okay. I was just at this part--

Ow! Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something? Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh.

That new recruit is phenomenal, sir.

Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV) (TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway.

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it.

(SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING) (GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese. (MOANING) P.U.! Thank God I don't have a nose.

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned

Ah, that hit the spot. I found Bender! Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon!

Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know. This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters?

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use.

Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts. Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for.

Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that?

Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity.

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad! You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender.

You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

(COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it.

Missed it by that much. Oh, no, they caught my scent. I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE)

From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one. "One if by land, two if by sea." The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation.

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

And take it easy

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper.

Fry, you idiot! You're a genius!

Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh. Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this!

That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother. My Manwich!

Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING)

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot!

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me? There are still so many things I wanted to let go of! Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you.

Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have!

Accepted again!

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah. I'm scared and confused. I think we've wandered into an off-Broadway play. No. There are way too many people here. Later, if anyone asks when I got away, tell them right now.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy

Your call is being-- Connected-- By SewerCom. Reach out and touch the sewers.

(READING) (BRAKE SCREECHES) (CRACKLING) (FARNSWORTH EXCLAIMING) (ALL GASP) (CRACKLING) (CHUCKLING) Now who's in the lead?

I still don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I love you. And I wanna be here beside you. Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs. Are you? Nah. We understand each other. People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend... and has a crummy job. But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister."

Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

Maybe I'm always right.

Ta-da! It's a glow-in-the-dark nose... you can wear over your regular non-glowing nose. Observe. Whoa! "Clool"! Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark.

What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

Don't worry. They're (SNIFFLES) unused. Oh, I'm sorry. I get so little business I can't afford refunds. I don't know what's wrong with this location. I understand. (SNIFFLING) Please don't cry. I can't stand to see a living thing feel pain.

Darling, will I marry you? Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp. (SMOOCHING) I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40.

Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever. Q to the E to the D! So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies? Stone-cold munching, Prof.

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way! I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I...

Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel.

Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you.

The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it-- not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean.

Will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will! Maybe she's right about the lipstick.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

(FIRING) (HISSING)

Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun? People, as you know, our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right.

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise. And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.

Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you. Millionaires, nothing!

Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock. - Can I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow? - Nah. I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood. Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires?

Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide.

Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party-- one of the most social events imaginable? It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots. I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out. Ohh.

Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions. Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt?

He's a terrible father. Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap.

Hooray! I graduated!

Take them to the laundry brig.

Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk?

Hey, hey. What's wrong? Was it something Leela said?

by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

It's "nut" so good. (GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. (ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first.

Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter. There. Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

Of eating right we are very fond when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

(EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie?

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild! What is?

You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.

Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up! Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

Kill them both! Killing them seems like a hassle. Can't we just set it free to live with its own kind? Poor, ignorant Leela. The bone vampire is now extinct on its home planet. (GASPS) That's perfect. We can reintroduce it to the wild and repopulate the species. Yeah, let's do those Leela things!

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No!

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers?

Look, hoss, your wife threw you out. That's your license to be a jerk. Do whatever the hell you want, then walk away and light a cigar. Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd.

Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally.

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes! Hey, fatso, stuffa you face!

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend. Oh!

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong.

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine.

I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby.

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes.

Right there! But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

(STATIC CRACKLING)

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046.

Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful--

This'a berry, berry bad!

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

It's good! I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

That's it! Happy birthday!

I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING) I'm coming, darling! I shouldn't, but who's counting? Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner?

I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern.

Huh? Hey! Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one.

your punishment!

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings. What people skills! She's completely perfect!

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times.

You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela.

This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad! You believe me, don't you, Fry?

Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today.

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco!

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits? No, I think it's self-explanatory.

Relax, friends.

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either, even at bending, the thing I was built to do. I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.

You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why?

They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela,

Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

Now hit the bricks. (SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh?

Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow.

W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter. Thank you all for coming. I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here.

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

So far, so good. Then what?

We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet. Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend.

Well, then again, I promised the coin I would.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

Animals eat other animals. It's nature.

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments. We sometimes called it a jogging suit.

I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

My gonopores! Look it up.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine...

(ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire. (CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here!

Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here! Ah!

(HISSING) (ALL GASP) Ah, look at the cute little... Aah! I was gonna go yachting in those feet! (HISSING) Oh!

We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life. You must despise us. You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

Oh, curse this woman's heart! Ick! You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood! You've waited too long to switch back, you dingbat! Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out? Uh-huh.

All right, we don't have much time to collect these animals. The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago. Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book. I've been giving these out for 647 years.

I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we?

What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker.

- (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb.

Eww! We found it! The honeycomb hideout!

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle?

Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left.

Let the bloodbath begin!

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating!

Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots.

(SCOFFS) My fiancee, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day. You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day.

You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see. Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

It's some kind of hollow tube devoid of human life. The Los Angeles subway! We can blast our way in and escape! All right, but I still feel like having a shoe.

Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem?

Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry.

Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach.

Good news, everyone! Someone's home is on fire.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me.

Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

All night long, woman. (CHUCKLES) I'm glad you all could be here with my family. Kwanzaa traditions are quite ancient, dating back over 1,000 years. Whoa! If only someone could tell us more about these traditions.

LINDA: We interrupt Hypnotoad On Ice to bring you breaking coverage of the disaster at Hedonismbot's bachelor party. (ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor.

I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh!

Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom.

(WHIMPERS) (THUDDING) (BUZZER) 48.3 seconds! We got us a winner! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner. Why didn't you let go?

See you on the other side.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING) Hey, hey, hey. (ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered?

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry!

I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you.

Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole. Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this.

So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together? You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive. Wa-hoo.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins-- Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport. But, tell us, how could a city with such a... fabulous airport end up underwater?

(WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job.

Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

remember me To one who lives there She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread.

Okay. Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here. (SNIFFLES) I wish I could remember with my boobs.

So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it!

I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama."

Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already! Yes. I programmed it in for you.

It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor. Excuse me, Your Majesty I am Murg, the high priest. If I might interject? You might. I humbly advise that as your first act you choose a capable prime minister.

Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive.

Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead! It's booby-trapped! Do A little dance make A little love

Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.

Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz. Since when have you been in the biz? Long enough, little man. Long enough.

Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

Gotcha. Oh. Poor Bender. He must be so lonely right now, trapped a thousand years in the past. Hey, wait a second!

Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me. All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium.

bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government. Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway. I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

(ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING)

Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

(SOBBING) Don't be scared, Bender. We're putting you in the Witness Relocation Program. You'll be given a new identity, a new place to live, and this iPod. I don't want it anymore.

It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead.

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending. Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother.

You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong?

Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland. That poor turtle.

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

(HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy!

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did. Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B. Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat.

She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards.

- You mean we just-- - My, yes! Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum? Not yet. Listen.

Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed! Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer. That device was a gift from my ancestors. Go on. It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing.

Wait, what's with all the Leelas?

Straight to hell! So I ask you who will stand up and be saved? Who? Who?! Me.

Wha-- Oh, right.

So this is your lair? Of course not! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair's a million times nicer than this. Okay. Take it easy. Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary.

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do?

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around.

When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever.

Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive!

Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant.

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy (BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom!

a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and-- Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left. Oh. What? Is that your camouflage reflex...

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots? I'm gonna swim with a whale! They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that. Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is.

Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation.

Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Impending news, everyone. We're about to learn the winner of the bet. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. (WHISPERS) I hope it's me.

Push, push! Use teamwork!

Professor Katz's last name is Katz. Do you think he has something to do with these cats? The conclusion is as inescapable as it is moronic. I say we pay him a visit, and if he won't talk to us, he'll talk to Smith & Wesson (COCKS GUN) or, perhaps, Consolidated Head Melter.

That's cool. That's cool. So, um, uh, I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually identical components.

Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true.

Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00. Dad! You're being too lenient again. I have to be back by 11:00! Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not!

I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag. (FLY BUZZING)

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye!

We'll have to run some tests back on Earth, but I think we've stopped the time skips. - All right! jammin'! - Hooray for Leela! And what better way to celebrate our success... than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself? Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit.

So it was you. You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff. So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle...

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING)

Oh, God! I'm dead!

Will there be cake?

Hi, I'm Andy Warhol, and you're some kind of marvelous lobster-man. Right on. Say, you got any real soup, or just this schlock? What a horrid bore. Ooh. Huh? Far out. That head gave me a total head trip!

I'd better carve a shiv for protection.

Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...?

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand. She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good.

Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary! Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff. Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender!

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING) Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait.

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show.

You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap.

Wait a second. Oxygen levels are rising too rapidly. 10%, 20%, 60%. As long as it doesn't hit 70. 80%. You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke.

I used to be king here. Now I'm nothing but a mere peasant. Or at best, a viscount. I think "peasant" is about right. Duke. On this set, I'm at least a duke. My extensive acting resume dwarfs that of the average bit player.

Trust me on this. While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world. Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside. Now just read these cue cards. And... action!

Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this. Unless you let us live. Then you'll get off scot-free. joey, Clamps... hurry up and blindfold them before they see us some more.

You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so... Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah. Hmm.

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky! This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them. Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford? Quiet. There's an ad coming on.

I love you! Oh, my!

One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man.

What's your game, Vitruvian Man?

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

Detonation in three, two, one. No!

Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender. Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh...

(FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad. Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Hey, guys. Welcome to my parents' 40th anniversary party. I'm bored. Let's drink. (TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout.

The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Oh. Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York.

Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it? Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message,

Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip?

Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts--

I don't care how educational it is. Let's do it! Next year in jerusalem!

Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah!

Ah, the scent of a rose.

Finally, a uniform I'd be happy to be caught dead in.

Down in front! Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing?

Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while,

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her."

Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

This "women only" planet is sounding better and better. I'm already looking for apartments. Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place.

Trip into the eggman's mind...

Oww! Futurama. Noun.

But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them.

Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

So, little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery? "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap." Open the dome and unleash the power of the heavens!

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library. And so life returned to normal,

All right, let's get to work.

Whoo! I've never felt so energetic! (SCATTING) That's because the doomsday device I shoved all up in you puts out 50 gigawatts. That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING)

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Puffs are the sweetest part of your complete breakfast. Along with juice, toast, ham, eggs, bacon, milk, cheese, liver, waffles and a big horse vitamin. And now, back to our show.

The landfills were full. New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge.

So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that...

That's the last of them. All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit. joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle.

Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second!

Wait a minute. You did it all backwards. Fry's the one who should be-- Oh, never mind. Oh...

Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV. Who said anything about ripping them off? I did. I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks. I can finally afford my speech therapy.

Not till now there wasn't. Well, Big Caboose was a steel-drivin' son of a gun Till a bad-hearted woman he spied But, Bender, I never spied no bad-hearted woman.

Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in.

Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage? Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home. They'll need transportation to the surface. Bring in the airship.

Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald. What's that enscribbled on it?

Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please.

That stupid clover is a worthless piece of garbage! Give it, give it, give it! Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong.

There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon.

and Fry refused to save me.

There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year.

Why don't you just leave me alone, Wernstrom?

Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh. Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that! Okay. I like a challenge.

an eventful year for the town of... Roswell, New Mexico.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me.

Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

(GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass. Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm going to be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you. MacZongo. Angus MacZongo.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans?

Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed. Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent. You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow! No girl has the will of a warrior.

The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago.

and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before?

Spa Five? Is it good?

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty. Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about?

(ROOSTER CROWING)

Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

No. No? No! No!

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard!

I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you. Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough. On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my planet-- Reload.

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that.

(WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

Yo. I read the script... and I think it would help my character's motivation if he was on fire.

Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

As for me, I went temporarily insane...

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender?

Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear.

Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son. - Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent. We were in science class...

I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang. FRY: I have a scratch, too. From where Dr. Brutaloff slashed me with his finger knives, right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me.

Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace.

New York City: The year 2000.

Flying bananas? Ha, ha. I will slice them on my morning fish porridge. This is no time for one of your jokes, Fry. I will tell you something that's no joke. I will lead the defense fight.

the hypno-toad.

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome. This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go...

"Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs.

I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh? We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends. Ah, I knew that.

Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher!

Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived. And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew. But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine,

"Antiquing"? I'm all right.

Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels.

Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this!

Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

(SIREN WAILING) (MOANING) Where to, adulterers? (GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb?

Why must I be such a coward? Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream.

Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer! I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich!

In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain. Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely.

I am just a humble emperor with a big, big crown! Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown!

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy.

Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion.

Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"?

Howdy, folks. Come on in.

The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie. YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant?

(BOTH SCREAM) You're an alien? Do you speak English? English? You must be a terrestrial from that Earth ship they were hunting. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Hey, thanks. You want some candy?

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot?

That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

No. Aah! This is not happening.

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

Aw, it's all my fault! Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies.

Oh! Ouch! It's a three-beanball salad. The Mets fans love it, though, and who can blame them? They haven't had much to cheer about this year. Ooh!

Security to bar area. Security to bar area.

Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with.

Hey, Papa, want to help me earn a merit badge? Hmm? Sorry, son. Right now, NBC needs my love more than you do. - (CHANGES CHANNEL) - (SIGHS) Lrrr. Either help the boy, or go outside and degauss the lawn!

Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of--

(COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Why does my foot hurt?

Nice turnout, Calculon. That Oscar is practically on your mantle. I just pray they like me half as much as I do.

(SIGHS) (FRY SNEEZES) Hello? FRY: Ow! You can come out.

Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to...

(MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one.

I wish. Those cats can really fly.

I want to go home. (TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won.

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here.

Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear. When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.

then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die, I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date.

Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one.

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice.

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already. Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos!

You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard! Men strange. You have them on your planet?

or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then. No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would.

You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor.

I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Hey! What the...

Yes, it's true. I ran over that bird-watching jerk and a hundred others even my best friend from aromatherapy school.

Ohh. Women! Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What--

The "X" makes it sound cool.

I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it.

But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever. He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever. Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal. Whatever happens, remember--

There must be people somewhere.

Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning? Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out. The Galapagos finches eat parasites off the tortoise's skin,

Aw... what's the point?! Bender? My God, you're a mess.

It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry. This sort of thing always happens with office romances.

Yeah. Come on, baby. Why does everything I date run away? I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too, well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her. I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual.

It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine.

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me.

What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid. (SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal.

You're just going to forget it five seconds later. It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela! If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

- Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic!

(BURPING NOISE)

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah...

Fry, don't die! Wake up!

Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil?

(CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway.

Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan?

Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum!

What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that?

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor. Here, Professor, I got you a program.

I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar. I'll get your daughter back, sir. I swear.

(ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

(ALL SCREAMING) What's this dump?

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!

Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization...

Oh, that's a big check. Ooh!

I love stealin' I love takin' things

Give it to him, Andrew!

First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear?

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay? Okay. No. Wait.

(GUNSHOTS FIRING) I got 48 cents. (GASPS) There's one more nickel, and it's a big one!

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

Look out for the next thing! (SCREAMING) Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops. (BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea.

Here comes Delivery-Boy Man! Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero!

(GRUNTS) Ah! Cushiony. (CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum?

I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm. See you later, wuv-ums.

To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

Now, come on, build us a shelter. All right. Fine. Everything else sucks. At least we can have a nice place to live. Whoo! There. You expect me to live in a tiny, little hole?

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society!

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth?

You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster.

There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal.

(IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend!

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone. You're impossible.

I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day.

No, they don't! No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp. No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women. But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White?

Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier. Everybody's talkin' at me

But oh, no. The park was too phony. We had to see the real Moon. And it was great.

Merit badges. This brings me back.

I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground. Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots.

So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol!

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement.

The current! It's too much, already! Help! jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me,

Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry!

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket.

You make it look so easy. I've smoked a lot of paperwork in my day. Hey, Bender, did you ever find that inspector guy you were looking for? Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead, I did find a new outlook on life.

Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye!

I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking.

I don't see you anywhere. That's me, over in "Cootie-town." Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him. One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING)

May we help you, strange ones?

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

Uh, look. Before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp. Well, you got anything else for him? All right. Can we try not to complicate this? Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm!

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay.

ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science!

BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

But I saw Earth explode!

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband.

Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING)

Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks.

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache. Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this?

Wait, I found a loophole in the mortgage. If we actually pay it, we can keep the building.

Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

It's my dad. Quick, hide! (GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing. I was just playing foosball. By myself.

We're ready. Great. You are not going to regret this.

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Gimme some skin, Prof. I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

(SLURPING) Young man, one does not drink from a champagne fountain in that manner. But he's doing it. (BELL RINGING) (LAUGHS) Check out this dork. I, sir, am the master of the hunt,

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done?

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you.

We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers.

Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended. Anyway, one last item of business before we go. Bender, to start your foundation for broken robots, here's a big cardboard check for $14,000. It's been an emotional day for me.

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood.

It's humbling to be back on my old soundstage as a bit player. Humble is good. Your self-esteem took a beating, but that's what brought out your true talent. Yes. You land hard when you fall from the top, right? I used to be king here. Now I'm nothing but a mere peasant. Or at best, a viscount. I think "peasant" is about right.

(SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation?

Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea.

Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed. Stop the cloning.

I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know. (SNIFFLING) (TEAR CLINKS)

Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

Here, Professor, I got you a program. Oh, good. just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable. Oops! Whoopsie! My bad.

Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty. I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet.

You have not won yet. Each book in this room is a gateway to a mental realm, and I shall take you there and imprison you forever! Icky!

One time, I did a hundred jump ropes.

It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point.

(DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot!

LEELA: What's that? Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors.

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen.

(PIANO PLAYING)

And if you survive, we'll make sweet love. The law is clear.

So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough.

We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg!

Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that!

The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Infusing female oil! Removing item. We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it!

It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend.

This war is in danger of going all quagmire on me. So, I'm sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace. You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah.

AMANA: Ohhh! Your hands are warm. For a robot. Thanks, baby. I don't know what you're doing back here in the galley, 'cause you got a first-class seat. Yeah. Come on.

Does that mean I can never be a bender? Well, sure you can! You just need to get a bending card installed. I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but what the heck. He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend.

And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING) Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio.

One, two, three! Pull! Ah, bloody chunder! Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job! Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk.

This is going to be a cake walk. Welcome to the history of the 20th century. Look to your left, then to your right. Then in nine other directions. One of the 12 of you will not pass this class. Boring.

One Eye, One Eye!

I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a...

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we? FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it!

I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots. Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter.

He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs.

Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done.

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man.

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island.

Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it. Your chip.

On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out!

Maybe the best there ever was.

Many robots are stupid and violent. I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what.

I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself.

Hey. Bender and Leela are back from Pandora. How was it? Awful. We had nothing to say to each other, so we had to listen to Bender's Eagles album for 27 hours. Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible.

You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead!

ANNOUNCER: And now All My Circuits, brought to you by Anonyco, the unknown company doing unknown things. Oh, Vaxtron,

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance.

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

MAN: Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama. Okay, crew. Xmas break is over.

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty?

Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund. Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

I'd like to cross-examine the witness. I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not?

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep! Come on, Nibbler!

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela. A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies.

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said

I'll even pay you a dollar a dozen. Yes! I'm going to be rich! You, too, but it's hard to get excited about that. How do we sign?

Limboers, on your marks! Get rubbery. Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead.

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm?

Is it working? This is sucky!

I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy...

Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them.

Now Zoidberg is the popular one.

Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race!

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups. The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male,

Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on our amazing new soda machine! (ALL CHEERING) That's what I'm talking about!

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be!

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo.

Ready the lower horn transport vessel. Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it. Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad, but I still have a trump card.

Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs. Lightspeed fits today's active lifestyle whether you're on the job or having fun. Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh!

Sold! Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom. Ah, leave him alone, Leela. So he's going a little wacko with his money. That's okay. You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy.

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero!

We'll meet again Don't know where I don't know when But I know we'll meet again

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever.

And you have inoperable cancer.

Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Next! Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I...

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can.

(ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly. Maybe a rock star. Or maybe a doctor.

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

There's nothing wrong with our clunker. Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners. No, thanks. We're delivering e-waste. Pity. We're halfway done. This thing is 40% chromium!

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs...

That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation?

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin'

Oh, you're right. I can't.

Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves.

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me.

As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Sweetie, it's okay. You don't have to apologize for standing us up... on the only visit to the surface we'll ever have. I want to tell you why I didn't show up, but I can't. just please believe me that it was a very good reason. I'm sorry I disappointed you.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things. Hello.

Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like.

You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed. Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me.

(GROWLING) (ALL SCREAMING) We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Manufacturing specs from each parent are then merged by a randomized algorithm, and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural.

Hmm. You know, Kif, once my woman returns I won't have much time to hang out with the boys anymore. That's a shame, sir. So let's make the most of our time together shall we? Never mind. just give me a back rub. I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos."

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned. The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies...

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five?

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah...

Its brain is the size of a walnut. So are walnuts, and they're delicious. I'll miss you, Mr. Peppy, but you'll be happier here. (MUTTERING) So, go on, go. Goodbye, Mr. Peppy.

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition. But not too cheap.

Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

I'll ask the head of the A.C.L.U., once he's done singing. Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night! Howdy there. I'm a lawyer, and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man.

Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie, so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene.

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function.

The holiday season is a time of celebration for most but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate. Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering. Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots--

I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this?

Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued.

Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death.

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians.

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say...

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong. Too bad it's a dump. Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor.

Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here?

Good morning, lover.

Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

but my parents crushed my dreams like a discarded frog head. Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go. You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Well, back to being the subject of gruesome genetic experiments, old chum. (BOTH YELLING, GROANING) (GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Oh, Leela, it's so great to see your beautiful face again.

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something. I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me!

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion.

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention!

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me? Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh!

All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda. Aw, yeah. I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator. I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted! I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face!

I said no such thing. And then I died! (GROANING)

Happy birthday, young Nibbler. Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape. Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"? Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!

I am Drrr, doctor of the planet Omicron Persei 8. It appears you may have ingested something toxic.

Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white. Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever. (SOBBING) (SNIFFLING) That poor incompetent crew.

But we will go on until we find the Almighty.

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead." Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him!

I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

Time and space are ripping apart at the seams.

Oh, no! Our son Johnny fell down the gravity well! Thank you, Assie.

You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) Incoming! Thanks, Colonel.

(TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

I'm sure at least one of us will be spared So just sit back, enjoy the ride

Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off? I'M fine, thank you. A real pilot can navigate by feel alone.

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10.

Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good.

And the Clippie goes to... Little Johnny Jensen! Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you. Unless, of course, you had won the award.

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel.

I like your style, Fry. You remind me of a young me.

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh? Yoiks. What was that about?

It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

Cheese pizza and a large soda.

So, Professor, where are we gonna go? It's July, right?

Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Nibbler took me through the zoo for some reason. Leela, a little help is nothing to be embarrassed about. Like, maybe I could do your makeup. I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself. You look beautiful!

And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded!

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

A holophonor? Only a few people in the whole universe can play that, and they're not very good at it. They don't have you to inspire them.

Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Come closer, and I'll expose what I know. There's nothing. He's as clean as a freshly waxed buttock. Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear? Certainly not. I don't have a tongue. Oh, good. 'Cause I don't have an ear.

Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper.

Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit! Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style.

Spleesh! Mel out, Bender. Come watch some TV. I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him!

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted?

Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers.

Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for?

Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner!

You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels. A-ha!

Come. I'll show you your quarters. Ow. Ow. Ow.

That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela? Say again? You're breaking up. Ohh! Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7!

Fourth dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb.

This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style. Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries.

I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

Hey! Keep it down, you kids! I'm tryin' to take a nap!

And also-- Well, you know. You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers? No! It's just...

(MUFFLED SHOUTS)

(CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary. Our transaction is complete. Come, Solomon, to the lair!

See you at the fight.

but it's natural for children to be a little ashamed of their parents. Oh, yeah. just like it's natural... for parents to be a little disappointed in their children. N-Not that we are. But you could call a little more often. Okay. And would it kill you to use some mouthwash?

Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING) Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.

So every religion is wrong!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

Any button! They all retaliate!

Gross! Go, man, go!

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time.

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny? Then one night when Fry asked me out,

Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage.

Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall?

(CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) Now, watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coupe by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue. Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator.

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei. Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day,

Let's just say a little bird told me. Leela told her parents. Leela's parents blabbed. Leela, is the person that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy? Yes. My parents were so hurt. I couldn't help it!

Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year! In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago.

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it!

What's death-rolling? It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail. Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important.

For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods,

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy.

Truly a great man. Look at him up there. Ahh!

That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here?

It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon!

So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes? We did find it. It's called Homo erectus. Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha!

and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ? Here you are in the year 3000 or so, yet you just sit around like it's the boring time I came from. "Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome...

Yup. (SOFT SNARLING) (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter.

Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold! (COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg.

I, too, have a confession. You see, here on Planet Vinci, I am the stupidest person. What? Who'd possibly think you're stupid? Duh! I'm Leonardo! I don't know the mass of the Higgs boson. Duh! I have to draw in pencil,

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz?

(BOTH EXCLAIMING) ANNOUNCER: And now All My Circuits, brought to you by Anonyco, the unknown company doing unknown things. Oh, Vaxtron, it's been a year since my ugly husband Calculon disappeared without a trace, evidently forced into servitude aboard a crab fishing boat.

I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron. It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right? Shut up, Zoidberg. Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort.

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people.

You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender?

Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy.

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah!

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my...

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching.

Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things.

That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot.

How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? No! Please!

because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to. We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

(GROWLS) (BOTH GASP) Ladies and gentlemen and smizmars, we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Stop exploding, you cowards!

Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs! Scandalous.

Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one,

it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again. Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING) So, he didn't really want to marry me?

Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

- Neat. - Quite frankly, Robot 1-X...

Why? Hey, look. The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean.

Oops. We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now.

He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you. Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer. I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans.

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

My disintegrator ray really works!

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating!

Wait! No, thanks. Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

Really, it's the steward's fault. Excellent choice, sir.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know.

Go on without me. I'll hold her off.

Opal has unusual temporal properties. It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble. Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look! Schlock and more schlock.

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up.

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

Now for some tasty matter. (DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man!

Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name?

Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station.

(GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die.

'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb. Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee!

My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to.

People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks. Oh. It's you. Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back.

I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes.

That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today. (YELLING) (GROANS) Amy, quit using my punching bag for golf ball target practice. It's all lumpy.

Funog? Hmm. Why won't anyone help me?

She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?

Oh, sweet legal tender. Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind.

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship! Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive?

Here's to another lousy millennium.

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems.

I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon!

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you.

Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres!

Okay. All set. Lights.

Ew! My God! The frenzy!

It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat.

Oh, no, no. We're married.

(GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage.

Great work, Bender. You've taught us to hate humans all over again. Are you all right? Oh, yeah. Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary.

What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water.

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off. Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony!

Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

Well, let's drag him to the curb. Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend.

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do.

Sorry, but we're totally sealed in. Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes. Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender. What proof is this-- some huge number?

If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING)

We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

This is the one place she can't hear us. Everyone just pretend to shower. Same as every day. Got it. Now, here's the plan.

I move that we vote on... a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep! And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second. Very well. I nominate the professor! - Second. - Second. - Second. I'm your man! I vote my 10,000 shares for the professor. - Yeah, the professor! - Me too! Me?

- Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic. Host man, host woman, I'm having a wonderful time. You here five hours and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting and fill pool with brine shrimp.

how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter...

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots.

And by "people," I mean you. Right. And by "inconsiderate," I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole? So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves.

Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now. Aha! That satellite was scuttled on Enceladus, Saturn's main dump moon. Let's dump it up!

Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it, all to keep our flag flyin' free. And you wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it.

If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh! That came out all wrong. Too late, baby. You said it. So, what'll it be-- my place or you?

Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin.

Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu!

Oh! I do go. He's a very important man.

"Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me. At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries?

They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

Yeah! What? We should become a commercial airline. I mean, we've got a ship, and teleporters won't be invented for another 15 years, according to that guy from the future. Wow. That's actually a really good idea, for a woman. (SCOFFING) What else you ladies got? Girls of Planet Express calendar. FRY: Girlie calendar?

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh. Still awake.

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine! And I helped! Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine. Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine! Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over.

I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart.

The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun! You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

the New Justice Team!

Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back.

I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever

Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed. Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum. The humiliated conspirators were forced to sign the Declaration of Dependence, proclaiming British rule forever.

Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

Can't we resolve our differences some other way? Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now!

Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls.

Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap!

(YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry.

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner.

Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand. She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps.

We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Is this a bad time? I was riding the El Torito dinner backwash, and I thought I'd pop in. Oh, thank God you're here. If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly.

Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years.

You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better. The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect... and admiration of the creative community. How about we rig the awards? That's fine too.

And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man.

Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad. He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr!

The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

Have some more of what looks like lemonade. (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin'

Every little thing reminds me of Enos. Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been?

(GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not!

Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity. If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker. So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship?

I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

So I said to Kitty, "The only way to keep the butler from running away...

(GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen.

He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears!

You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence. Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender.

Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe. Now it's personal.

I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you! Oh, honey, I dig you so much. Thank you for saving my stupidly-dressed husband.

I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy."

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic.

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone?

Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank. Anyway, Planet Express is still facing foreclosure. There's no way we can raise enough money to save this company. Wait. What about the girlie calendar?

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do!

If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay? Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to... At last, a chance to realize my brand-new dream of being the greatest tap dancer in all the world.

Oh, no! What have I done? You poor little guy.

(GRUNTS) (ALL GASP) (GROANS) You guys, again? Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private!

but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that? Phew! I don't believe it. It's dark matter. So this guy just unloaded a steaming pile of starship fuel?

Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen?

Hambone BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud.

Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial

Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again? No, he died yesterday. Rust monsters ate his face. Sweet dreams!

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas.

(SCREAMING) (ALL YELLING)

(SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories! When the Feds bumpkinized him, they completely wiped out his old identity! (ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that,

We choose to eat the first Earthling who ate our offspring. Here is the culprit as photographed by our nanny-cam satellite. She must be sacrificed but the rest of you shall be spared.

Stop right there!

Silence, puny audience!

And you smell like one, too.

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Plus, they're stitched in such a way that, no matter what angle it's viewed from, it looks like you're standing in hero wind. I just wish my fists weren't sewn to my belt. (STRAINING) Hey, what's Bender wearing instead of that crap? Oh, Lord. Did you actually buy that getup?

Or does that confuse you? "See through the eyes of a Bender unit." Fine.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man.

Uh-- Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine.

Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof... so we could have a heart-to-heart talk. I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president.

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy.

If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril. I mean, the delivery guy has, like, 30 superpowers.

You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive.

Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree?

a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What? Look here. Hunting is a team effort, and you're not pulling your weight.

Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!

Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet. I'm okay, then.

Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone!

Hey, I have an idea.

(CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation. Repeat customer discount,

GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

(BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead.

Wow, this got here just in time. This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort. Uh, uh... how about that one? Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.

(EXCLAIMING) Watch it!

It's very simple. (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead

And you are outta here!

Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case. Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over.

Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive. Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots?

Bu-u-u-t? But-- Huh? Bender! You tricked me!

What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

(ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth. One, two! one, two, three!

But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law.

Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet."

Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

Ah. So quiet, so peaceful. Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

Seriously? Why?

They're inside! Get them!

Castle? Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that. Superstitious robot mumbo jumbo. Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not.

Okay, the dynamite's in place. Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out? Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal. Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do.

Let's not forget that this shipwreck is also the final resting place of this brave captain. Place your bets. Whee!

So far, I have learned nothing. But that's probably as much my fault as yours. The time has come for the final test. We usually call it the lightning round. As you may have noticed, it's getting hotter here. It's nice. Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat?

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

Aah! Everyone, to the fire door! It's on fire! We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions. Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium?

Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him.

My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender. Pull in your line, and let's go.

Cool. You know, I've never even seen a robot's apartment before. Come on in. I'll give you the tour.

Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it. Who else has a question for the what-if machine?

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time.

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that.

Good lord! That sucker's shakin' round like some fine imported booty! Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just--

Running off, eh? You're pathetic! You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet. Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood!

Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman. Of course! Duh! It's an important unit. And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh!

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah. I'm talking about Robanukah, the holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar. That's just a fake holiday you make up every year to get out of work.

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160,

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

We're out of control! We're heading straight into the electric field. What's happening? I feel weird. Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss!

I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh! Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers.

So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait!

Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me?

Oh, there's gotta be a better way. Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

(GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER) (FLY BUZZING)

what with their free will and all.

Well, so long. Get well soon. Oh. Well. So long anyway.

Hello. Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale. Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron. It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one.

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing.

Sure did! I still got it. So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy. Should we call child services? No, let's just get outta here. Whoo-hoo!

Hey, forget about it.

(GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage! (WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

Trip into the eggman's mind...

Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper?

Well, that was dumb.

Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk. Two, three... hey.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again!

Well, once in the park. Mmm... As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg,

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

Mutants! They're real.

Fry, is my colossal eye too big?

Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register.

It's a gigantic diamond! That thing must be worth a fortune! Really? Ahh! Whew! Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow!

Fine. That or the bone one.

Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender. Charmed. I'm the Countess De La Roca. I was surprised to see another robot staying in first class. Most of the robots I meet are laborers.

Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig. Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken.

Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die.

Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. That's sweet, Hermes. Maybe I should get an extendo-arm.

Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming...

I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper!

(COUGHS) I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it! No! I refuse to release anything unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love! (BOTH COUGHING)

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay. So long, Your Majesty.

I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor.

This just in. Three dead in foamy plunge. (LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species! Five out of 10, also nice. Yep.

Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you? My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips. Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer. In the event there are two killers,

Taste like king crab, by the way. Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest... while I was still killing them. What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please!

Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

just like rats we crush to make the wine.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life.

Pack of highly. Got it.

You just talked yourself out of a sale. Poor Amy. My days of joy and luck are over. Guess I got to quit that club. I can't believe our Leela's gone. You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children. Welcome, everyone.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender.

Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too.

Who's the gross nerd?

If rescue doesn't come soon,

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

That was the worst delivery ever. Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo!

He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. The point is, one vote can make a difference.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Bust it

He gave me mechanical ears Effective though just a bit garish In return without shedding a tear I agreed that I'd give him my hand in marriage - Huh? What?

No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

Okay. I also would have accepted a bribe.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene.

But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING)

which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session.

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry.

I work there as a greeter.

And I smell bad.

Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about.

You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us.

(GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing! It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you.

There's got to be some way to stop Bender. Maybe something in the Oracle's prediction that I missed before, due to incompetence. Wait. Who's the trigger-happy jerk? (GASPS) That's me! I recognize the face.

the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this.

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING)

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship! Oh, dip!

MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got love in my tummy And I feel like a-lovin' you Love, you're such a sweet thing Good enough to eat thing And that's just a-what I'm gonna do Ooh, love to hold you Ooh, love to kiss you

What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out.

And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know. Hey, guys. Oh, uh, hey, Fry. So, as Leela was saying Fry can go shove-- Ow! I'm glad you're all here.

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good?

LEO: This very lucky casino we own. Someone wins one million dollar every hour! Usually it us. 33 black. Everyone lose. (ALL SIGH) Man!

(GASPS) How did you do that?

Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling.

Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum.

It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher, morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them! Target acquired, Mother.

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop.

Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth!

Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won!

It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away.

Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Who's my favorite robot?

Oh, man, there's always a catch! I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday...

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?

No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't.

We demand you regulate children's programming and force the writers to shoehorn in helpful lessons.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate.

The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring. That lucky bastard. I say kill it! But it loves me, and I love it!

In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

Ahh. Ahh. Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right? (DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time. I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters.

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS)

How does a nobody like me get famous?

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage! (WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell. - Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out.

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING)

Quick! Whaa-aa-aa!

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

Howdy there. You fellas need some directions? No, we're fine. Don't worry about it.

People of Earth... Shh!

That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't...

You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame for the love that I feel just from hearing your name You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami-- I wuv my mommy.

We own entire Western Hemisphere. That the best hemisphere. It's the same on Earth. Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo. They used for everything-- meat, milk, and the shells make good rowboat. I broke your television.

The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me. Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that?

Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years.

You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see. Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back?

Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary.

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand.

Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit. What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help.

Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food.

and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough.

Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you. And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that. Okay. Okay. I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans.

I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

A mission of peace.

just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say.

Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff!

Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me! In any case, I've hidden the box,

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban.

I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people. (2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES)

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa!

Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai! Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow,

Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

What? The very idea!

To the flying machine!

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

(GASPS) Sorry, everyone, no luck yet. (YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee. No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks.

Yeah, you'd better run. Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood.

Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture?

I just told you. You've killed me!

Take me to your leader.

It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

Good news, everyone.

(CRASHING) (CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself. All I wanted was to apologize to you people.

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo!

I'm 40 percent dolemite!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) I like it.

All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

I never felt so empty inside.

The deal will go ahead as--

Hey, where's Amy and Bender?

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me.

Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

Not if you've lived a life without regret. I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs!

I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead!

I can! I repeat: Isn't there a man on this-- I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

Okay. Bender has her distracted. Now I can shut down her brain by deactivating the carbonated logic matrix.

I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper!

Funny, funny stuff.

Happy growth-scraping day to all!

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess.

Can I help you?

You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable...

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak. Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me!

We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it.

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason. You bastard!

Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together.

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Now, then, while many of you do half-ass jobs and the rest do jobs whose ass ratio ranges from 42% to a mere 11%,

They're inside! Get them!

In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming?

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Well, we're boned. No, we're not! We just got to limbo. But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music. (BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it! Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS)

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (OWLS HOOTING)

And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine. Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back.

(TRAIN HONKING)

It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my.

I don't see you anywhere. That's me, over in "Cootie-town." Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him. One Eye, One Eye!

Well, I only brought it up 'cause Bender's wearing them. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh... I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops. Oh, my swollen feet. I'd better take my pills. Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

(WAILING) Okay, let's go.

This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert.

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY) (EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you.

Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

(BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here?

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy.

What about you, Mr. Nixon? I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh... the question is-is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching...

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

(GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING) KATZ: Good show. And though the world is now spinning in the wrong direction, it's good enough.

You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind

A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper. The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not.

Animals go in the corner. The corner.

Reckon I was born a farmer. Folks say my mama was a hoe.

The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream. That's as close as I'm gonna get. (SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing.

I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do? Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure.

Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met. Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act. Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

- Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No! You sure about these-a chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee. It's okay, Mama. Anyone-a complains, I bend legs up for free. Ooh, customers!

No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow.

Take a lean back and enjoy life.

Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me! Hey, come on. Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race? Duh, yeah!

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry.

Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night. (ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have.

That's from TV, Geordi. Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have?

FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business.

Hermes, don't press that button!

I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat. You are so disgusting. I--

Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns.

What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something.

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer? Please? Don't you sweet-talk me, ya wrinkly old tube sock! May I have one too, wife? Ah, you're both pathetic-- being jealous of your own offspring.

Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead.

That name is for your sake. In the time it would take to pronounce one letter of my true name, a trillion cosmoses would flare into existence and sink into eternal night. Oh, you're all so cute!

Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING)

Only one way to find out.

Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

(IN DEEP VOICE) Down. And she doesn't even want to cuddle anymore. She just wants to hit me with various chairs. You're lucky. I can't even get Leela to verbally abuse me. All right, listen up. We're out of Nectar, and we need a new source.

Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness.

"In the sanctuary, he made two cherubim of olive-wood, "each 10 cubits high and one wing measured five cubits, "And the other wing measured five cubits from the tip..."

Let's watch, shall we?

Amy, you won't believe what happened.

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

Are you suffering from internal parasites?

Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What?

Finally, get ready for some serious moon action. The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon!

See you in girl hell.

He's a big ol' hero! Hooray!

It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time.

Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives!

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about.

Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had. Ow!

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows?

Your Honor, we have reached a verdict. We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING)

But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

Calculon, as your hot water heater, I would be remiss... if I didn't bring you scripts that could make you an international film star.

You're ugly! (LAUGHING)

I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

Everybody loves Hypno-Toad!

You bastard! I'll kill you!

But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops. Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

There's no one by that name here or anywhere.

Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

Oh, no, Poor Bender.

(DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault.

Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole?

Well, he'll make a nice heap.

Pathetic human race. Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

It's only a matter of time now.

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

Hey! This is my stuff they stole!

Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS)

It'll get there.

Dismiss all charges? Your Honor, I know the case is closed and you've rendered your verdict but I want to testify. I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt?

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me!

I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot, and he's in focus. Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment.

Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel. I had no idea the company would be sold!

- Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything. I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities!

Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow! When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad.

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows! (WHALE SINGING)

Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes-- theft of money. As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank... what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime?

What are you, an idiot? Pretty much, yeah. Then you won't notice when I claim your idea as my own.

Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room...

Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl!

You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home. We'll try to respect your independence and freedom.

And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows.

What just happened?

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump! Good boy.

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense.

So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget. That'll take care of those annoying rats.

Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa, we got to secure for Santa's arrival.

(ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (OWL HOOTING)

(COUGHING) My God. It's Colony Collapse Syndrome. The bees are swarming with parasites.

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat!

Put it all on black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 21 red. I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer.

And as a further cost-cutting measure I have eliminated the saltwater cooler. This is a witch hunt. Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day.

They were always "too tired." Oh, what awful parents! Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go. It all started a century and a half ago.

Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!"

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time.

A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right?

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING)

Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please! Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah!

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

We flipped a coin before the debate,

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha--

Oh! I did it! I blunk!

These are the dark-matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours. That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible.

This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0.

We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake.

It's all right, dearest. I know it was just the Nectar talking. And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

Ew! There it is. Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Call it in the air.

You're right. Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now!

After lengthy femputations,

Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together. Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan?

Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person!

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched.

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

This planet is the real Rumbledy-Hump, and these creatures are the real Humplings. All I did was write down their adorably repetitious hijinks. (GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone?

Ahem. For my next trick,

Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up.

So you lost the atom, huh? You're garbage, human garbage! Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over.

Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender. (YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS)

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No!

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Good hustle, soldier. Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode.

They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you.

Addendum. Whoa! NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens. (MOANING) Leela, wake up.

(BOTH MOAN) Your place or mine? Both. But first, this place. (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) (STUTTERING)

Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy. Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world.

As your god is my witness.

The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh.

We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. I'm speaking to you from the hickory farms in Grover's Mall, New Jersey, through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome...

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain!

it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

Pretty woman walkin' down the street Pretty woman Ow! Ow! Ow! The kind I like tO meet pretty woman

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go

It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass!

What's the mission? It's a delivery for the Democratic Order of Planets. DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh!

Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette.

Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor? Do you owe him something?

That's not junk! That's Bender's head!

I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case.

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her.

Don't make me hurt you.

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild! What is?

Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot?

Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will?

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING) Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face!

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit.

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month. Graduation day. So grow a pair and put them together for our new officers! (CROWD CHEERING) Hooray for the pigs! Graduates, you are hereby officially cops. Now move it along, nothing to see here. (ALL CHEERING)

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns.

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth.

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff...

Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey.

Forget it-a! We come to Earth to make-a pizza, not-a money. - No, Blek! Other way around. - Oh, right. Offer accepted. Well, fans, Boston's turning the last game of the season into a real squeaker, and that's with three E's.

Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them.

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island.

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance. (LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh! It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous.

(CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy.

Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

People of Earth... Shh! Hmm. Hmm.

What the-- I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control.

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse.

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay.

But it's set 800 years in the past. Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends,

Who built you? I have always been. Oh, my God! Are you... God?

Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

Got it. Well, since we have no digestive systems here, I guess we'd better get back to the third dimension after all.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero? Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right.

WOrnstrum... Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday!

For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now.

That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man!

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in.

(ALL GRUNT) I got a real big mouth (ALL GRUNT)

Sell 100 soylent beans! Buy 3,000 corn bellies! Two hundred cans Whoop-Ass!

The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay.

Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

Our top scientists went to work.

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent.

We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there. Who are you? Don't hurt us.

If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination.

Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time.

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her.

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm?

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir--

- Good work, people. - Woo-hoo! Time to go clubbing! Baby seals, here I come.

I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it?

Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

Aha! Cornered. Whew!

Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on. Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. Can you at least tell us what's going on down there?

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual.

"zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two." Amen. Does that mean we can eat now? Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs. Come here, Fry.

Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your...

(GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office.

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants.

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three!

What are you doing? I'm dying of thirst.

And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another.

I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet. I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict.

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough!

I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes!

FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started.

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits. I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing.

That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV.

Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics?

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people.

I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters?

I just told you!

It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do.

Yeah, eight hours of solid boredom. Nah, I'm kidding. You're a wonderful man.

(MIMICKING KISSING) So? What do you think of my comic? Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema. If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril. I mean, the delivery guy has, like, 30 superpowers.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

I am the Grand Midwife! Hi. I am Kif of the Clan Kroker, come to bear my young. Then let the tea of new life be brewed, as it is writ, and both shall lift the jug together. Where is your Smizmarr? She is not with me.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Hello? What? A guest spot on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0? I'd love to! My own limo? No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one.

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

All right, I'll go.

You got it. Tomorrow's clothes at yesterday's prices. Ah. You can't go wrong with a still suit. It recycles your solid waste into a nice piece gefilte fish. Ugh. Is there a way to just keep it as solid waste? FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on.

I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich,

Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere. Go deeper. Deeper! No, Bender. The ship can't withstand this much pressure. Sometimes it falls apart just sitting in the hangar.

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime.

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh! The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect... is a miracle.

And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up!

(CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology. The lady from work is winning! Looks like you're about to lose to a minivan. Unless you have any surprise moves you've forgotten about.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

And this time I mean it!

Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast. Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents.

Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep! And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby-- No!

- Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose.

Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert.

Well, time for this robot to get back to work. Ah... Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor.

Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation.

You may feel a slight sawing. And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!"

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow!

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that... (GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang. So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium?

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom! Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship! What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted?

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING) Addendum. The monster won't even know the ship has a basement.

The universe is caught in a time loop. Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started.

(SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense! He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy.

If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job. (LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there. You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America. Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool.

Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Cram it, lobster.

(SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns.

Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

(EXASPERATED SIGH) The only way to end this madness is for the ladies to quit, cold turkey. Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system. Maybe they could just go warm turkey?

Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse?

Before we deliver these weapons,

- No! - No! Do a flip!

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software. He has no free will! He cannot "decide"

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut! Ta-da! We got us a reality show.

- Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate. Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat. (GRUNTS)

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can!

Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes! Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth. Where you been all afternoon? At a-a-- a concert.

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo!

today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in.

It's a miniature fruit salad tree.

Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you.

Sure, blame the wizards. That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires...

you'll never find out.

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married!

Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can!

On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'?

This is crazy. You're from the future? Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected. I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon? Because of the horrific events he's going to set in motion. (SOBS) Oh, God.

Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story.

And I refuse to be involved. And you have way too much lipstick on! Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't! No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp.

Good morning! Geez, who died?

What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture. Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you.

If I win, we get Calculon. If I lose, you kill us. Fine, whatever. For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of. Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three. Not including one or three.

Man, that smells great! Now let's see how both robots do... at a typical household task: sorting a jar of pocket change.

GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home.

Uh, deep space. Deep space?

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.

Hey! Yaaah! Yeah!

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive.

All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that?

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off?

I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

I'm afraid I can't allow that. Guards. What just happened? He's throwing us in prison. Dang. Can I get this wrapped up? Ow! I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison.

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205. Okay, that's better.

You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

(CHUCKLING) Sucker. Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

(GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH) Ah! (GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet!

Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie?

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) Hold me in your arms

Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone. I swear on my honor as a paparazzo. Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you! Oh, my!

Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here?

Next up, challenger Bender, a student of the legendary Helmut Spargle. Bender is some sort of wonderful mechanical man.

(TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot?

and then Calculon said, "No!" I think we've heard enough. Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished. Your Honor, the prosecution roosts. (SQUAWKS)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern.

Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair,

Wait a second. How could beans possibly cure her?

Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen. Now, close your eyes and think of England. I say. What's that in your crown? You mean the Andamooka Opal? That's the most precious gem in all the...

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent.

What happens to the loser? Let's make it interesting. (EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that? Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger.

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason.

due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch.

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person?

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes.

But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity.

You go fight biggest brain of all.

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times. Leela, that was great! Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it!

All right, let's go. It'll be just like stomping a puppy.

Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way.

You can't force me to operate. Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.

Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order

I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

(CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself.

I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body?

Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors-- the Mobile Oppression Palace! Neat!

We'll face burnin' roads, rivers explodin', calculators transformed into Scud missiles.

Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron.

Hello, peasants.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

(SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness.

What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah.

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it.

and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer... of the 1980s!

His pajamas would be soaked with sweat.

The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection.

Space banditos have been operating in this quadrant so you'll each take eight-hour shifts guarding the safe.

A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin.

You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married.

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah!

Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg.

(CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple.

(KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah! Come on. Let's run for it. (BOTH PANTING)

I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming."

Bender, hurry up!

Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care. Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop.

What a well-prepared virus culture. This will make a fine vaccine. Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years. Besides, Buzz Aldrin ran over my guinea pig in the parking lot.

Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars. Hmm. Sounds interesting. But he would never do it. Like hell I wouldn't. I'm not gonna be blamed for not going. Then it's a deal. We get one night. I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash.

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me To one who lives there

Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink.

Ouch! I forgot I was a giant crab!

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set, the popular TV show All My Circuits...

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir. Roger that.

My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

It's time to activate the bomb.

What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING)

And voila! Everybody's ice fishing. How come nobody's ice fishing? Hot cocoa break. Cocoa is for yodeling babies. If you're sober, it isn't ice fishing. (CHOKING)

(STRUGGLING) (CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender. I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods! (SCREAMS)

(ENGINE CLATTERING) (GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

Whoa! Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads. You, minion, lift up my arm.

Give me back my floppy face!

I won an award today.

Come on, Hermes you could out-limbo all of these people. Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella?

I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

I'm not even legally a mammal.

But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship.

I'm back, baby.

Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank."

Cram a ham in it, you twerps!

It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings.

All right, how we feeling? Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer. (SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers?

- LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry...

All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see. We can't make it tonight. We'll set up camp here by this shoe.

(CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes!

I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

Yes, we do. True dat.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now.

If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die, I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because...

Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors?

just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

"If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder?

johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again.

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs.

It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups.

- Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it.

Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm--

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden. But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian.

What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up!

This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love.

Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender.

I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much.

I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists. Don't wave your fancy degrees at me. I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli,

Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No.

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Help! I'm under attack!

Wait. I'll perform the surgery. You? With those clumsy claws? It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work. "But mine aren't. "You, mon, give me that robot brain."

Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted. Life, death--

But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

Interesting. It's as if we all behave normally during the time skips, but then we have no memory of it. - You mean we just-- - My, yes!

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later!

using the very same apparatus I used to clone you.

All right, show's over. I'm tired. Ah, to be young again... and also a robot. Uh! Now, as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver. Finally. Come on, Bender. Let's mosey. Nice catch, idiot.

I'm awake! I'm awake! Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it.

Ahh! Whew! Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow!

Now, that's more like it. Always leave them wanting more. That's the secret. Ah! So, what do you say, RD? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show? Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough? (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

Where you going, Bender? To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots. Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am.

Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here. Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges, they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency.

Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby. I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan. Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe. What a lonely life. My God. Poor Leela.

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING) Look out, a solar flare!

(GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second, you'll explode and kill everyone here in a fireball of melted gears and splattered bowels! Sounds like a party, baby! Ooh, yeah!

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity,

Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here. We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement.

(ALL GASP) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

It's all right.

Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it.

(CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer.

I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards. You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay.

(STRAINING) Hey, what's Bender wearing instead of that crap? Oh, Lord. Did you actually buy that getup? We foxhunters do not stoop to buy getups. I made free with it.

He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working? This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective? I could make a better mural with my butt! Father-Man away.

Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol! (SCREAMING)

Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend!

They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white Well, we got no beeswax candles,

(TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes! (INCESSANT NOISE CONTINUES) Oh! Good, Leela, you're here. I'd like to describe my foot pain. My left has a sharp, jabbing throb near the bunion,

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on!

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15

This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew! It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better.

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves. Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram in my van... and follow Bender on tour and live there in the van?

think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that?

Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought.

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks?

Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up

Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters.

Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat.

No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me.

(ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead?

Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

This is my best protest sign ever,

Come back to bed, dearie.

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man.

I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What?

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Incredible! According to the gizmometer,

He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead? Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party. So come on, put the guns down and join us.

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Oh! Now, Hermes you and your lovely wife, LaBarbara have the suite through there. And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice.

I shall enjoy this. Not me!

Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said. Let's try again, but this time,

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara.

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head. Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler!

I'm telling you-- Leela was cool, she was in command and when she kicked people, it hurt. It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment. It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment.

Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig!

Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00?

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up?

If you had kids of your own, you'd understand! Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker.

Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit?

Ooh. Hefty. You could really bash in a skull with this thing. I know, right? (CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it?

Mr. Winkles, Smudge-Smudge. Quick, dance with each other!

Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior.

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg.

But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow!

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes.

Beautiful mutants, please welcome Devo! (MUTANTS CHEERING)

Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to. Oh, ho-ho.

the largest street-going vessel ever built. Just four days into her maiden voyage, as we approached 32nd Street, the land liner struck a mailbox and went down. 2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband.

Give me your answer, do I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you

One, two! one, two, three!

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich.

Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place.

Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii. Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing.

Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am. It's that hot, it is!

I don't have time for this shazbot.

Good night, employees.

Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops!

Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written.

Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial. Let's refract this sucker. (SCREAMING)

And it's mandatory!

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

You've changed, Fry. What? I haven't changed. Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll. I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor.

Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no."

(2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES)

Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head.

That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

(GASPS) There's one more nickel, and it's a big one!

Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech. You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool?

- Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew! MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot

Well, let's get started. We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert.

Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her

It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces.

All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action, grim though it be.

Our hero! We are free and fairly sober With so many toys to build The machines are kinda tricky Probably someone will be killed But we gladly work for nothing Which is good because we don't intend to pay

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.

Don't worRy, be happy

I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. (BOTH GASP) Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy. (SNARLING)

I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

Stop doing that!

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing.

No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

no need to leave.

Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league!

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents...

well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh--

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.

I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live. And that name is-- Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv!

Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected. Quick, into the ship's panic room!

(SCREAMING) (GROANS) Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in. - I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man. You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good,

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you!

What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Never bet against me being stupid. ROCK ALIEN: Enough!

Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over.

If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him. Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong.

how long this is going to last?

Son, you in a whole mess of trouble.

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

Will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will!

Well, the way I see it--

Uh, me, too. I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion. Zoidberg said some dumb stuff but he's a nice guy, really.

Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah!

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah.

Because Honest Bender's Orphanarium means discount orphans. Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief. I'll show you what I got in stock. I remember this from when we were kids. The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents,

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

Oh! (FARNSWORTH SCREAMING) John, are you all right? You... You saved my life! Oh, fuff. Yes, fuff.

Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil. Down in front!

Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain! Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad.

Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries. Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no. Oh, my. There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. And that's the ultimate secret of the universe? Apparently so.

Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.

just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other.

A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school,

Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back?

The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash

That's using the old noodle.

Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair!

What say you and I knock some very sensual boots?

And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning. So please, give generously, knowing some poor helpless mutant will thank you. Not in person, thank God.

That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark.

Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.!

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody. What about us, Mr. the Offender?

- Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

- Better than usual. - We got medals. Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo! They got medals.

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

I'd rather live in a crate than share a room with this dork.

It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale,

Ow! I'm hungry.

and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks.

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night. That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be. And you used to wear a size three cape. But not anymore! Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood!

We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6.

It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense. Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya? I'll come. As long as there's no xenophobes there. (SHUDDERS) I want to come, too. You? Why? To prove that I can put divisive partisan politics aside to participate in a break-in.

I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send.

God rest ye merry gentlemen in peace. Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song.

Robots are made from old beer cans.

(SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends. What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot? Alas, no.

will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg.

the Martians gave us back our house. And our other casino. So what happens to the hero of our story, Zoidberg? Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink. So, forever. Come on. You can use the spa tub in the high-roller suite.

I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway.

Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner.

You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus.

(LAUGHING EVILLY) (EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

Whoo! That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia...

Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone. Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?

If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King. Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah! DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

All right. That's the necessary number of times.

(GASPS) Fry, this is amazing! You did this all by yourself? Uh-huh. All with stuff I found around the office. Top Ramen in a Cremora sauce, Xerox-blackened chicken. Oh! And for dessert, cherry throat lozenge jubilee. (SNIFFS) Mmm...

Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud? Actually, we've decided to go in a different direction. What if I told you we wouldn't be fighting in the conventional sense? Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%.

Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces. Something wonderful.

Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead.

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry?

Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

"You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

(ALL EXCLAIM) It's okay. Leela's just changed a little. More than a little. She's beautiful! Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No!

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile. How ultra?

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell.

(GASPS) Back! Back, you beasts! Follow me. The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose. (GRUNTS) (AMY PANTING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry--

Hoo! Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You!

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay.

I think I know where to get some. Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need.

This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

This court will now hear some very sensual testimony... from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela. Go yourself. Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier!

Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years.

Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851, in New New York's nerdiest slum-- Hell's Laboratory.

I live in a dumpster.

If you'll excuse me.

This dumb holiday just makes me think of all the things I left behind. Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas!

Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past.

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say,

Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis?

The target: the priceless Quantum Gemerald. Who's the perp? A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper, who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it. His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill,

I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding.

The robot. The Zero "G."

Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor...

I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What?

NARRATOR: Having completed its perilous journey, the exhausted salmon enters the final phase of its life cycle. The female deposits her eggs and the male fertilizes them. Okay, who's next? There's a lot more where that came from! (COUGHS)

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead?

Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it.

Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

Madam, I am one impressed celebrity. Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots. From this day forth, I shall do so whenever possible. Golly! What? Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this."

Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead. That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us. join us, Bender.

Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man. Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Put me in, Professor! I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills? Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly--

With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot! Bender rules! Groove on, man! Rock it, Bender!

So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies.

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban. AMY: The Great Pyramid at Giza!

I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well. No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box.

You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking.

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

Careful with that, you fool! No! No! But possibly yes. What is it, Professor? Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention.

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts.

Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

What's all this cat hair on my sweater?

Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off. Well, I'm gonna take action. It's time to check on my retirement fund.

I'll take it! Excellent. Let me just wrap that up for you.

So I ask you who will stand up and be saved?

It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

I've got mail. Ooh! It's a party apparently. Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals.

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too. Eight bucks. You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it! Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball.

Bender was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. We'll send his widow some meatballs. Clamps, Bella, get in the way-back. (BELL TINKLING)

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody.

I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse.

you're no doubt curious as to why I tricked you all into hang gliding here. Close-up. It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim?

The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out!

This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go?

Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am. Clear? Clear. Ready to hoist? Ready. Ow! My first space delivery.

Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh! We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where? And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen.

One, two! one, two, three!

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it.

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset.

Okay, let's go through this once more from the--

Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right.

Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass! It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament.

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here! Leela

Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts.

Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but--

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right.

You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested. Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.

Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand. He would never hurt people.

A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president. That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

Ooh, yeah, baby! Oh, stop.

We've come for you.

ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three.

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING)

Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls.

No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Last time I checked.

We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING) (COUGHING) And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna.

Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry.

(YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo!

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff.

(ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything.

Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe. So, Professor, where are we gonna go? It's July, right?

My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up. ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace.

How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way. Just sit down. Happy Kwanzaa, brother men and sister men. Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in. Kwanzaa tradition encourages educational gifts.

Fry, she's pulling down billionaire trust-fund money. Then she wants me as a trophy husband. Leela, you gotta come to Europa with us. I can't be alone with her. So, ready for a secluded picnic with just you and me? Hey, you know who loves secluded picnics with just you and me? Uh... Dr. Zoidberg.

but I still feel I deserve a smoke.

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Well, let's earn some bread. Brothers and sisters, get your love beads. Can't journey to the center of your mind without love beads. Wow, look at the colors! These'll go great with my soul. Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently.

Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go.

we have a duty to take action. Idiot.

Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful.

Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

- So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman?

And so, I set sail for unknown shores. Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets. Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back. I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute. Sold!

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe.

Leela has promised me her hand Fry, you do not understand I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender The shame the shame But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor

I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions. Aw, boo-hoo. Now here's the bomb I've prepared.

But I'm just so scared. Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over...

Go for it, Bender. You know you want to.

The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified.

Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior!

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

No! I got a little surprise in store for that guy-- the clamps! Huh? Uh, wait... old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer.

Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity. If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS) Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing.

I'm lying to make her feel better.

I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

One drug company was close, but I arranged...

This company's circling the drain, I tell you! I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold! A complete sandwich? You got fleeced. I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside.

Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles.

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. Now...

(FAST FORWARDING)

Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm. It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain.

We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true.

Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh. (LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh. Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor?

Great is okay, but amazing would be great.

The tracks lead here.

Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man!

Pizza delivery for, uh...

What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

(WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen,

This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

You don't mean that. But I do.

Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak? Dread my locks!

Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine,

Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

for a robot! (SOBBING) How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo! That's it? You hate robosexuals 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot?

I'll kill you, my friend! Ahhh!

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something!

In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories,

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things. Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela.

So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things.

You may feel a slight sawing.

Fry! Whew! Fry!

You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well.

Oh. What kind of father would I be if I said, "No"? Only one house to go. We did it!

Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at?

The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket.

Tomorrow morning, this planet makes its closest pass to the sun. You will all be boiled alive, like retired circus animals, unless you somehow can cross the great Alkali Plains and reach shelter in the Cave of Harmony. That sounds hard. Whichever gender reaches the cave will survive.

The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap.

No! I won't go back! I won't... Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you.

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be. Maybe so, but perhaps if I wrote him and asked for a few hundred pointers-- This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own ink.

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished.

- Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose.

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

I'm so sorry, guys.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out. Oh, you! So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can!

In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat. Okay, start.

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked.

Please do not feed the animals!

No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY) (SIREN WAILING)

Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel. Oh, please. Really?

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya. With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever.

Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh!

I believe the answer is the television. Very good, Mr. Guenter. Wow. Smart and cute.

Oh, my. I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

Oh, that's gotta clamp!

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back. Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race.

In that horrid non-robot body? Sir, I have my standards. Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body?

(ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

Look at him up there.

We'll have to split into three teams. Hermes and Zoidberg will crawl through the air vents and restart the life support fan. Amy and Leela will retrieve the steering wheel so we can steer the ship from here. And Fry and Bender, you'll spacewalk onto the hull and relight the pilot light on the engine.

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender.

The planet's "kerploding."

He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you.

Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

Wait! But-- Take him away. Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"?

We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

The traffic jams of old New York were a public forum for the free interchange of opinion. Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car.

So? I'm just as important as him.

Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock. He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it. Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones,

how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

(BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults.

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly.

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Go, me! They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries,

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder

Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed.

(GROANING) (CHOKING) I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great. (CHOKES) (GROANS)

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it.

At the Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale Girls, girls, girls Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails Let's just hope we can sell enough of these calendars by tomorrow. We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday!

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey. Yes, definitely. Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you.

Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future. Whoa, whoa, girl.

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all.

None of your beeswax. I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry. All they left was baking soda and capers and here it is. Great.

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven.

Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library.

Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

Ooh. Nice. Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle. I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring. Oh! Get! For the last time, Zoidberg, look with your eyes, not your claws.

Low wine level detected.

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body,

The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries.

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes.

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

I think not. As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space. I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

You know, without your mother, the sewer's a dank and dismal place.

Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation...

Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil! So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times,

Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus! Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

(SHRIEKING) A giant sausage!

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

Give him hell, Morbo!

I don't know which I like more smashing cars or smashing faces. Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight.

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth.

The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries. Aye, until MacZongo here shot 'em all into extinction, he did. Now we've got more livestock than we can slaughter. Aye, 'tis a bonnie time to be an ignorant villager. We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here.

Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up. Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care

Here's your medal, hero.

In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel. Wow, creativity's hard work. (SLURPING NOISILY) Ah! You know my favorite part of your song?

What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers.

Draining male oil! Eww! Infusing female oil! Removing item.

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced.

Three, two, one...

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?"

Amy, the Mafia took everything we had. Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants. Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me. No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent?

Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us! Okay, the dynamite's in place. Are you sure there's no other way to get the buggalo out? Not unless your parents have thousands of helicopters at their disposal. Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die, I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me.

No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all.

Yay! Calculon's back!

My new bent outlook has completely reenergized me. I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress. Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave. Howdy, doodies! What's new?

Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood.

A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters!

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back!

Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded.

We'll deliver that package or die trying. Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious. Zoidberg was popular?

You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault.

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right?

Cheers. Cheers.

French? Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man? No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are.

Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

(ALL GROANING) What's all this cat hair on my sweater? Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls?

Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

(BOTH YELLING, GROANING) (GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Oh, Leela, it's so great to see your beautiful face again. Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner.

Let's see, where to start. Okay. This is the TV area that over there is the breakfast nook and over here is where you'll be living which is great, 'cause till now it's just been wasted space.

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight. Please don't stop playing, Fry.

Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style. As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges. The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.

We're okay on Coke syrup. Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

I love rocket skating. But the wait is always so long. Poor Fry once stood online six hours just to get me a ticket. Six hours? Sounds like a real nobody. But now it's time for somebody and some chick he's with to go skatin'.

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say.

they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel.

A well-calculated move.

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance.

Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer.

or tried to burn me--

Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Let's go get drunk.

Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke. My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain.

Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something. I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh...

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again. Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive. May yet? Really? Indeed. You see, that fossil was made of dolemite, the tough black mineral that won't cop out when there's heat all about.

Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

(GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

(EXCLAIMING SOFTLY) (ALL SHUDDERING)

I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun.

You know, standing up to me is pretty manly. I'll tell you what, sport. I'll kill him for you.

With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

but who am I to argue with a man from the sky? So long, space heroes. You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING)

But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever. He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth.

(ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded! (SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how? I didn't do it.

I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue,

Please welcome the original Gerber baby Earth President Richard M. Nixon.

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

- Well, so long. - Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go! (IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender.

- Ten dollars, please. - Oh, man!

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC)

But first, celebrity buzz. Linda? (LAUGHS) It has now been one year since the death of Calculon, former star of TV soap opera All My Circuits. The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing.

Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo!

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans.

Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this. Unless you let us live. Then you'll get off scot-free. joey, Clamps... hurry up and blindfold them before they see us some more.

Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do?

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady.

If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry! - Well, so long. - Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go!

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan.

We had to answer every question in the form of an opera. I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, if I don't want to be embarrassed.

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it!

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number?

Bite my colossal metal ass.

Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now...

Quick! In there! Huh?

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry. Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

They're all dead, and their bones are gone. This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die.

In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up.

(ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

Well, your motives were good. And we were both loopy from dehydration. Hey, wait.

What's that, old friend? My life story? Well, heck, why not? Pull up a monolith and make yourself cozy. I first came online in Urbana, Illinois, in the year 1997. (SHIP HONKING)

Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later.

(GROANS) Oh, I fear I may not survive this war reenactment. I can't believe we're only 12 feet from the parking lot. (CHUCKLES) This is every bit as fun as the real Civil War. Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth?

What are you gonna do, kick me out?

You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

Well, it won't work, sonny.

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say?

He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice. I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant.

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay!

He's the evil Bender. Rage dump. Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you.

Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep.

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great.

Of course. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful. In that case... let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good.

Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it.

Right, Boxy? And now, the host of the 1,074th Academy Awards, Billy Crystal! Now I know how a Pez dispenser feels.

Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey...

Fry, you emu-bellied coward!

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit. Thank you. No, actually, I did mean to offend a little. This is awful.

But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this. (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your... Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform."

Then I guess this wouldn't be a good time to tell you that I'm pregnant. What? And you're not the father. No! (LAUGHING) I'm just joking, husband. See now? Things don't seem so bad anymore, do they? You're right. Thank you, LaBarbara. Oh, also, I wrecked the car.

Those pheromones were highly concentrated. Oh, I think I'm getting a little caterpilly.

Oh! What happened to the buggalo? They been rustled under cover of storm. We ruined! NO-O-o! Don't worry, Daddy. It'll be okay.

Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING)

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?

Bender, did you learn a lesson about not being lazy while the rest of us were bombed out of our gourds? Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did. Or maybe I rescued one last mini-Bender to fold stupid, ugly sweaters while I laughed at him. (GIGGLING) I guess we'll never know.

And don't forget the zebra-fur ship cozy.

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him.

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype!

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here.

Daddy done good, huh?

As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over.

I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children.

Okay. It's crime time.

(HORN HONKING) HERMES: Sweet robot swan of Botswana! Looks like the fittest did a little surviving last night, huh? Whatever. Hey, looky there.

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it! Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single.

Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth. And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime.

People of Earth... Shh! Hmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

NIXON: Warning shot.

Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day! So, what is Freedom Day?

No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who?

MRS. ASTOR: Mayor, this sewer debacle has gone on long enough. As your largest campaign contributor, I demand action! Very well. $80 worth of action it is. Voila. We simply pump the fruits of our excretion into Madison Cube Garden.

Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots-- Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them.

Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP) I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want. Like this video of you doing karate in your underpants.

Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used.

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous. Good man.

The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting? Bender!

I bet before you know it, you guys'll be--

I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me! Why can't anybody hear my witty remarks? This is hell. (SCOFFS) You wish.

The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see.

Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good. Captain's journal: Stardate, uh--

Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela?

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room. Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out.

I like physics, but I love cartoons. This is the greatest moment in scientific history.

and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job?

Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal.

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do.

Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants,

So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation. I am expert in shadowy field of many things. I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room.

The future. Whoa, whoa, girl. I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff. I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic?

Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy.

This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet!

(SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What?

And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

I'm Fabricio. Here's your Jostens ring. Ooh! (COUGHING) Oh, yeah. Hey, what's that? Is it drugs? Nah, it ain't drugs. But it's a lot like drugs. It's called spark. You want a hit? Never heard of it. Sure. You like it?

Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain.

Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup!

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something? Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (GRUNTS) Ooh! Nice cart.

A woman? I'm scared.

It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends, so we can commemorate this moment in a photo. (ALL CHEERING) I got to admit, this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture. Say, "Bender is great." ALL: Bender is great! BENDER: Neat.

I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up. How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song?

Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES)

Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS)

Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better. Egg salad? Hmm. Zoidberg will have to examine your gastrointestinal tract. Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy. If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror,

I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment. I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off.

Come on in, roomie. What the-- I call top bunk.

Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING)

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

Now's good. (CRACKLING)

Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization. Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes.

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death.

He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot...

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time?

I'll always remember you, Hamenthotep!

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body.

Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot. The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING)

Come on. You never went on a date with a guy just 'cause you were hungry? Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach. Nice try, sister.

And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

sharksplosions, then it just ends! Exactly as the weather balloon foretold. Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

(SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science. I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers,

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

is under a big wave of responsibility. Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life. You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift-- Mine! is the bond I share with my Smizmarr, Amy. For soon, the quivering mass of life within me... will depend upon us both.

Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa.

We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember?

Lrrr! I'm in here now, not out there! Give me a little time. With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse. Coming, gigantums!

It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me.

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

LEELA: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness.

Hey, it's that "barbecue's over" sound again.

He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this.

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

(IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever. Q to the E to the D! So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies?

What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING)

They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to. Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

Welcome to Debate 3012, the 3,012th debate of the 3012 election year. We have a crowded field of candidates, so I will dispense with the informal terrorizing and begin the questions. Is this the political process? 'Cause I'm here to get involved in it. Silence!

Don't you love me?

Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left.

Be you robot or human?

(ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

The sun provided plenty of warm, dozy light. The chicken-salmon roamed free. Yet disaster loomed. Our planet's rotation was gradually slowing. At first, it seemed beneficial.

Well, that was dumb. (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible!

A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all. Well, I'm not. Robot foxhunting is a crime against robo-nature. Stop the bloodshed, stop the...

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

Who are you? I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you.

I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

Finally, the atom is safe. Huh?

Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail.

Oh! Scandalous! It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy. Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that? I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart.

You took away his robo-humanity! I changed my mind! Aaah!

Fry, don't die! Wake up!

Uh, I don't like the looks of this gang-infested neighborhood. There might be spiders! We must have made a wrong turn. We should have reached Blip turf by now. You think we walked straight out of Blipton? Wait, there's some Blips. - (GASPS) - (GRUNTS) Those aren't Blips! They're Cruds! They have the red on the left. Oh, no! What should we do?

(YOWLS) (GRUNTING)

Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No. Well, okay then.

Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha! Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it.

(GASPING AND CHOKING)

Arm yourselves! I call it the Franklinator.

How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now?

Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy... And "H" and "I" are monograms you can put on those kettles. What are you looking at, you British bastards?

Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor. Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance?

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant... (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) (SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this.

And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity.

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more!

Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla.

Let's watch, shall we? My work here is done.

But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you! Please rise for the national anthem.

We were defeated in battle.

Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth! Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel.

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

That's Lrrr! Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh!

This is the first actual work you've ever had to do around here. Well, I'm not doing it. It's a robot holiday. Really? Which one? Only Robanukah-- The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar. Oh, come on, Bender.

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up!

That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher...

Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway. Hello? What? A guest spot on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0? I'd love to! My own limo? No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one.

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege. For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help. What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you?

For you, my friend? Anything. My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Come on, everyone line up for a hug. Let's tear down some emotional walls. What are you doing to my ship?

Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf.

Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination. Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees! It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from.

put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way.

Okay, we'll tell them the professor escaped, and we're bringing him back. Fry, you'll have to dress up like a 160-year-old man. I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot.

I would like you to apply for Bender's old job and cozy up to this Fry, his best friend. Yeah, and then I'll introduce him to my best friend, clamp number one!

But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card. "You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name.

We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law. Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel. (ALL SCREAMING)

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING)

Powering up Clone-O-Mat. Placing fossil on the Plat-Clone-O-Form. Initiating dog brain CAT scan! Come on, boy. Come back to life.

You see that there? That's called a floor. Once a butterfly hits that, she's out.

I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

For this highly Controversial mission,

My God, he's become evil. I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass.

What is it, Dr. Tenderman? Is it serious? I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

Get out of my office!

Interesting. You wish to cook,

frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening.

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL,

Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery? I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard.

Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest,

It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile!

For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose?

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Hang on, Mom. I have another call.

That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off? Can't a girl enjoy herself without being judged? Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder.

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

(CHOKING) Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over.

But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop,

What the... All right, good enough. Let's go. He killed my second-to-last Agnew. Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk!

All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out.

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS)

My God, is it possible?

Wait. Hot lava? Amy, if we get killed, I just want to say it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team. Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine, but no more purse rides, and no more dressing you up in your cute little sailor suit. I keep telling you that's my real naval uniform. (BOTH MOAN) Your place or mine? Both. But first, this place.

Whoops! Leela, those eyes look so great on you. Bah! I think she looked fine before.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes.

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome!

being a perfect shape and all.

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that!

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age.

I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party.

Gumbercules? I love that guy.

I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now!

What difference does it make? When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat. Well, I guess it's time to indulge in some end-of-the-world debauchery. Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah.

I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask?

And here he is trying to make a catch with an oven mitt. It's even a crummy hologram. I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV. Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat!

But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car.

Don't make me hurt you.

Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet.

Easy, Leela. just finger-roll that star into the cosmic basket. just a few... more... hundred... thousand... miles. There.

Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine. Still, to have your own pool. I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box!

And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe!

Well, editing is a long and expensive process, but we spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday.

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu!

There ya go. Two one-day mutant surface passes.

I don't care. Listen well. No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though. Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted.

(MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers! It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela.

Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards. Fry's the one who should be-- Oh, never mind. Oh... What's wrong?

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Don't be stupid. It's a long-lost mathematical code. I'll need to consult these ancient writings. Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha!

Parapets, battlements, everything my Big Book of Castles promised. I'm gonna sneak a closer look. Bender, you'll let me know if we have to cheese it, right? First law of robotics, baby.

As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy?

Are you nuts? If she could smell, she'd smell you! Your relationship would be over faster than you can say... (WRETCHES) Listen to Orange Joe. You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery.

if I weren't the legendary Calculon, the greatest acting unit of all time! This show is about me! And it always has been! Now, find the co-executive hack who wrote this drivel and tell him I want 37 more climactic speeches by lunch! Cut! That was terrible!

You Latins are so hot-blooded. This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell. Aw.

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks!

Okay, buddy up and look out for Omicronians. It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender.

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

So, I hear you're a machine... Ow! Traitor! My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors. Nice meeting you.

Hey, looky there.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie?

(LAUGHS) - What a cute little... - (WEAPON COCKS) Uh-oh. Brannigan! Get out here and surrender before I get my expletives deleted!

Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot.

We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship!

And then I'm going to eat it. Ain't nothing like a postcard coming from your own mind Your own mind Hey there's a toothache coming from your goldmine, your goldmine

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now. (HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day?

For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!

Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue. Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still.

We did it, Fry! Fry?

Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze. Okay. Don't panic.

I'm dying of old age!

Get ready, Fry.

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans!

Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV? Yes, I can. We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight

(ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine, and I've never heard of Yeti-ism.

or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

Ta-da! Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on?

(SIGHS) This is the fox we'll be hunting today.

You're from Next Stream Up? So am I! I can tell by the magnets in my head, or whatever. Let's go! The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth. Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream?

The Cavern on the Green.

No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it. Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women.

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Hoverfish, bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez.

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game.

Whoo! If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying.

Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you. Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

But we can only save 30,000 people. How do we choose who goes? Well, let's see now. We'll need leaders, (LAUGHS) scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots, valuable appliances, even janitors. But that's it. No one else.

What the-- We missed! Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you...

We must immediately and permanently... shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots! No!

And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo!

The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it! Well, actually, they're-- Morris, shh! And what about this? Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you?

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission?

In theory, it could work. Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap.

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Hey, look, Leela.

And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed. Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song.

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5!

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise. For you finding me in the refrigerator!

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead?

Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone.

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

No! Nibbler, come back!

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones.

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything.

Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures. Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela!

My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics

The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate.

That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do.

Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring!

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released.

We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia. This is the capitol, Cyclops City. Stop me if I'm going too fast for you. So much information, and yet, somehow I feel as if I know it all already. This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty.

Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found.

We don't got books no more. What? He means "anymore." Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up. Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh... Princess?

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner.

It's like brainwashing.

I designed it myself.

The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort? That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen. Now, close your eyes and think of England. I say. What's that in your crown?

I don't get it. I'm sure no one's ever said this before, but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible! Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore. YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility.

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

I shouldn't be here.

Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING)

There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh. Continuing my confession, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than creating the bestest show in the world? I didn't create anything. I stole it.

So soon? Oh, well... Sneaky male, eh? I thought I told you... (SNARLS) Oh, my! Well, nice try. Better luck next season. You gave it a shot! Pathetic.

No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk? Grabbing your spaceship was not okay.

Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS) Tell my mother to pick me up outside Quiznos.

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass. Whoa, dawg. just cold chill. You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really-- - What's that song about? - Hey, yeah.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow!

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid! If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge.

AMY: The Great Pyramid at Giza! KATZ: Yes. The Egyptians viewed us as gods, but ironically, that was our downfall. They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender.

Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future.

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader. Moving along. Why you trespass on our land? We come to negotiate the release of Amy Wong. And, just to clarify, land is the stuff that has sky over it.

Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look.

You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion. If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry!

Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat?

Look what you made me do. We're going on a corporate team-building retreat.

I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

I repeat: Isn't there a man on this-- I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work. Wait. What? I said, "Very nice work."

Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is...

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

(TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

As much as I enjoy being the object of your misplaced affections, I am also a highly sophisticated being who longs for intelligent conversation. Aw! Is shnookums not feeling shtimuwated? An understatement, to say the least. It's time you treated me with respect. If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine,

I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help.

Someday you'll understand that.

Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What? What?

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you?

Now they're lowering me into the cold, cold ground. Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard. Yeah, death's a big deal to you flesh bags. But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot.

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor...

I can't believe our Leela's gone. You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children. Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life.

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot.

I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow! I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Father, I've discovered the shocking secret... Mother has kept from you for 200 years! No! No! Brace yourself-- for when I speak these words, you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is--

Exactly. Now, enough about who is and who isn't a Chinese skank. We're just two happy couples on a double date. (YOWLS)

Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy.

Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station.

There. The engine modifications are complete. Prepare for launch. Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here!

By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again. You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me.

Kif! jump! My hero.

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style. Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them.

Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am.

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING) (BABY CRYING)

(GASPS) Lies! He's just jealous that my ass is shinier than his teeth. (SCOFFS) We'll find out who's lying, my friend. Because I planted a spy camera in our apartment! Let's just see what you were up to last night while I was asleep. Yes, let's do see.

Calcutta, we have a problem.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

An obsession so strong, it allowed me to overpower the beast's will and pilot it through space and time. An obsession with completing my delivery. Get your... ALL: Yay!

Aww, man! Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water?

So, I'm turning off the oxygen.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely.

Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport. I say, get the hell off me. That guy sounds familiar.

We're just happy to be involved in your life. No, no. It's my fault for telling you I was a superhero. That's true. I couldn't stand to have you think I was ashamed of you. That's sweet, honey, but it's natural for children to be a little ashamed of their parents.

Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well... Give us back our genitals! Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that.

I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger!

Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me. You'll have to throw it into the sun itself,

(UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express! I'm Dan McMasters, and I'll be your retreat leader for a week of fun and personal empowerment. I hope you're happy!

But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look. Oh, no! What have I done?

All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever. It sure was. Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu. So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight.

Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh! Then the answer is no.

Interestingly, the Spidarians... are more closely related to our elephants than our spiders!

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie.

(CHUCKLES) This is every bit as fun as the real Civil War. Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth?

Holy... (BLEEPING)

Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck. Oww! Oww! Oww! And the winner is number four, Steven! Ohh! I am so unlucky. I've run over black cats that were luckier than me. Get your pipin' hot horseburgers,

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity.

What do you stupid voters want now?

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee?

Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop!

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile... Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

Son... I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool! (LOW WHINING SOUND) (GASPS) He's alive. At least his butt is. (BENDER GRUNTING) Fry?

It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say?

But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing? And against a team of clones, no less.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

(MAN SPEAKING SPANISH) A rock has fallen here, in the outskirts of Tijuana. Is it within the city limit? I think, yes. Told you. Hey, you want to celebrate our escape? Maybe grab a shot of tequila and take in a big-league cockfight?

Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring. That's a good one. Ow! This "women only" planet is sounding better and better.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah.

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

(ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) Incoming! Thanks, Colonel. Just doing my job, ma'am.

Hey, I'm Elzar. Welcome to the show. You know, you don't have to drive all the way to Neptune for great Neptunian food. Today we're going to kick it up a notch as I show you how to fricassee a mouthwatering Neptunian slug. Whoo-whee! Now, while you're greasing the pan

Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter.

I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo! I don't get it, Michelle.

Wow! There's a humungous fungus among us.

That is why I decline the title of iron Cook, and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier, which I just made up.

Wait, what? No, I was stuck on... Ow! Stuck on another delivery that he undertook on his own. We're all very lucky and not suspicious to have him. Hey, Fry, things sure have been going great between us. Remember that make-out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine.

Helmsman, set course... for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

She sure does. Flexo!

- Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh.

Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh...

Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

Ages ago, I was the host of a TV show-- Down-home Country Kitchen With Helmut Spargle. But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger,

No showboating, you atomic hot dog!

So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets.

You gotta get innovative with your meat. See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst. And me? I'm making my spice-weaseled bratwurst outta pork.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Yeah, me too now.

I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast.

It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw!

Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks. You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful.

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it.

Not really. Except for one person. Who was it?

I was programmed to take credit for this.

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy!

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg. And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb. They've always got a nice docky-wocky on. ANNOUNCER: The Vanquished Pride of the Yankees,

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make.

Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station. (TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out.

(CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty! Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug

Last time I checked.

We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.

Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

Are you a college student? A college student? (LAUGHING) Because if you are, I'd like to invite you to a hot sorority party tonight. Yes, I'd like to enroll in college. You're still talking to me. Oops.

And the more beer! (PLAYING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) Shh! Hey! I don't smell Bavarian-style vomit. Where's Oktoberfest? This is Oktoberfest, the world's most sophisticated exhibition of German food, drink, and culture.

Come back when I've had some sleep, baby. Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three! Firing torpedo number three.

Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi.

Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary. What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING) The key is knowing precisely where to strike.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon. I do. But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this.

I hope this is the control stick.

Well, for the next week, we'll be doing hundreds of trust falls from every possible height and level of gravity. Or we could not do that. At the start of every retreat, I like to demonstrate the power of trust by finding a perfect stranger to be my assistant. Leela, do me a solid and pick up the next space hitchhiker you see.

Now we've got more livestock than we can slaughter. Aye, 'tis a bonnie time to be an ignorant villager. We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here. Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet. No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus.

It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags.

Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love

Well, that was disturbing. I understand, dear. They are hideous. Look, I guess you mean well, but isn't that university just a tax-deductible sewer-cleaning service? My dear, that school is about much more than sewer pipes. Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy.

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum.

but I still have a trump card.

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00. Dad! You're being too lenient again. I have to be back by 11:00! Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not!

you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that.

but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

The Iron Cook is bringing in his signature creation-- a working pastry replica of downtown Venice. Commemorative turkey basters.

(GROWLING) Oh! What are you, some kind of attack fungus? Or just a moldy schnauzer? - (GROWLING) - (YELLING) Oh, God, please let this tacky Hollywood mansion have the obligatory... Yes! Tuscan-inspired pergola!

We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please.

We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Welcome, fans! I'm Randy, coordinator of this Tap-Dance-A-Palooza. Whoo-hoo! Randy! After weeks of searching, I'm proud to introduce the five people willing to participate. Tonya, Bender, Greg, some kind of blob monster, and Petunia!

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over.

First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company. You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets?

But... Got to go! (WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry.

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

Right. If they try to look in the box.

I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough. Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient?

Many robots are stupid and violent. I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh! Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey!

No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

It's a delivery for the Democratic Order of Planets. DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh!

The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop.

Down you're the best around nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the best around Wow.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation.

We're out of fuel.

(LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys. Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are...

Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

(YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee. No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds.

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of. Huh?

(GRUNTING) I am Drrr, doctor of the planet Omicron Persei 8. It appears you may have ingested something toxic.

This is the exact location of the dump, but there's nothing here. BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now? I'm with Bender. Whatever was here has been covered by centuries of ice buildup.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see?

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

Here is my resignation as vice president.

Get ready. We's gonna jump off at that switching prism up ahead. We're going nearly the speed of light, so, uh, roll when you land. Ow.

Convert them? To radioactive vapor! Aah! Hey-- Aah! Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God.

Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING) Huh! Well, sorry, Bender. I guess I owe you an... Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway? Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush.

Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please... Big z.

You know, to celebrate your genuine love for her. Sounds good. And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese.

Right? Am I right? Oh, yeah, he's right. Fry, I have to talk to you. You're in terrible danger. You see Emperor Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug. And before he could even wipe his mouth Strug was drunk by Shwab. So? Look at all these guys.

Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest!

Here he is! Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want.

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda.

You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you?

Healthy, healthy, healthy Healthy purpleberries are Eat purpleberries and you'll be a star Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond.

This is our last chance, Fry! When the alien ship plays the tone sequence, respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead.

Whoa! Check out that guy. He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales. That new recruit is phenomenal, sir. Yes. He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours.

Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely. However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again. I found the board!

Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

They have her totally outnumbered. I can't believe it. She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her? Oh... I don't deserve this.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there.

Okay, here I go.

Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song. He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow? Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words.

Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool!

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass.

You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho.

(CATS YOWLING) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

Who put this in here?

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right?

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner.

Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

(SNIFFLING) I hope so.

Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can? This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker.

(SNICKERS) (GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster!

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me.

I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it! (LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster,

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade.

Nobody destroy Leela, either.

You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet.

Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh?

Whatever you do, don't drop it. See, Mrs. Astor takes nitroglycerine for her heart, and being a class act, she prefers it in souffle form. (SOFTLY) Bam! (ALL GASP) To prevent the souffle from exploding, Bender will carry it.

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

Shall we adjourn to the dungeon?

You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot.

The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING) When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice.

Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks.

This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big. I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass. Okay.

How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe? Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is.

Hey, what are you doing? I'm gettin' on the bus! Don't worry. I'll be fine. They know something about me. And I've got to find out what.

Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

(SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are.

Eww-hoo-hoo! Whoa! Aw!

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved. He's in a better place now. There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery, buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe. So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing.

Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies!

No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever.

No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list. Come on, fellow mortal. We're in Tijuana. I want to live a little. Help! I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!

What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money! Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence.

I'm putting together a big drama picture right now as we speak. The script is dynamite. I know, because I wrote it myself. And with me directing and starring, I'll be back on top... after 50 miserable years... of fame.

I'm going to build that smelloscope. Eureka! Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent.

BOTH: Phew! Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year!

Ah. Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

I was getting to that one! So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived?

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no.

We want to salvage a cargo ship that sank carrying this robot's rear end. Aye, I'll help ye for a cut of the booty. Now, when you say a cut of the booty... I mean a percentage of the value of the recovered goods. Now be gettin' some rest.

Is everything... Hey! Are we at the fair yet, Mommy? We're not at the anyplace! LEELA: And we're out of fuel! (PASSENGERS CLAMORING)

Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work,

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory.

Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi! Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

It's coming up! Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass! It's diving!

Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend. Mom? There's so much I need to say.

et cetera. I do. I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead. She lives... no more.

Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am.

(SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow! (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo?

He's picking his nose! Get him!

You shouldn't have.

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

I didn't do it. Bender, did you learn a lesson about not being lazy while the rest of us were bombed out of our gourds? Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did. Or maybe I rescued one last mini-Bender to fold stupid, ugly sweaters while I laughed at him. (GIGGLING) I guess we'll never know.

"Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play." It says nine of them are gonna be okay. So they really didn't like it. They hated my acting. Not entirely. I mean, "Worst play in history," there's some ambiguity there. Ye gods! What manner of beef-witted popinjay am I?

Oh, God, just kill us already. But you all discovered my secret. And for that, you will pay. Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold!

What comes out one end, we feed to the other.

Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now.

Well, that was pointless. Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me...

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson. (CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound? It's Mr. Peppy. I'd know him anywhere.

You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary?

Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive! Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock! My fellow fish monsters,

Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right.

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS)

Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel.

Hurry. What's happening? Oh. Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late!

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans. Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.

Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires.

Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No. Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem.

But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors. We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them. Wow.

Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car?

"Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope. Wow! Superpowers.

Oh, no, I've got it, too!

Crap! If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell. Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation. You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering.

Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive,

just past Teddy Bear junction.

Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES) Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No.

Indeed, 'tis a lovely tree. 'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer. As your vice-president, I order you to steal that tree.

robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet,

This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee?

You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

Wait, what's that? I never should have thrown out the manual. Bender, you didn't have to come down here. I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much. He was so cute. He was so sweet.

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives.

Hello? Is anyone there?

They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots.

To my friend, Bender. A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot.

But in the meantime, I have good news! I may have solved our age problem. Yea! It seems the youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A."

Girls, girls, girls At the Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale Girls, girls, girls Rocking in Atlanta at Tattletails Let's just hope we can sell enough of these calendars by tomorrow.

Hello? What? A guest spot on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0? I'd love to! My own limo? No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one. I need a rain check on that 'nad swap, Professor.

And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?"

I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity?

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

A dirty, filthy slob.

All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda. Aw, yeah.

Anything in the trap? Nothing. Today's active humans prefer a low-calorie bait. Well, that makes 146,000 unsuccessful hunts in a row but I've got a good feeling about tomorrow. Wait. What's that? Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore.

Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas. Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated!

Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em! Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you...

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter.

I'm just gonna stay in my room! Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room. I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours.

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough. Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking?

The cops are closing in. Better ditch the loot somewhere. Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there? You mean the one in that alley off 72nd Street? Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at? BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come!

All right, I'll go. Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.

If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello."

The tracks lead here. Thanks, eagle eye.

Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no!

Can I use the gun, Dad? Oh. What kind of father would I be if I said, "No"?

Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race!

Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no. If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV.

Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

A land I didn't make up

Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD

It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true.

Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

You want to understand something? Look at that lake. One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim.

Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no.

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle?

Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is!

We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC)

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends.

(PEOPLE YELLING) Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun.

Where do you people do your erotic display? Same place as your species... the beach.

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare! Mr. Fry, are those your underpants? Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs.

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time.

who blasted Commies in the American Revolution. Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft. Mine! Mine!

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden.

What? Are you talking?

It was me. I'm the hero.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI.

It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside?

uh, integrity. Congratulations, Your Highness. I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting.

(BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air. (CRACKLING) Who's there?

Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES) (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom.

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy!

- "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper. And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor.

I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela.

No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around.

I just don't think I can go through with this scam. So, now you do wanna marry him? No. I just don't wanna hurt him or humiliate him. Oh, curse this woman's heart! Ick!

Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough.

Not one place even remotely livable.

How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

It will if we go back in time and stop him!

Oh, yeah? Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor!

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order.

I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

(GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me?

written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script,

Old? Don't call me old.

I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation,

I haven't done that since my honeymoon. Hermes, Hermes, remember that flock of bats? I sure do. That was fun. BENDER: Where are we? I have no idea.

(CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

'Cause we love our vegetables ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody.

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new. I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything--

Hey, my foot's bigger. Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen? Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

I'm back, baby.

Son, philosophy's for thems what don't gotta work for a living.

When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot.

Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

ROBOTS CHANTING: One, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, one, zero, one, zero, zero, zero...

Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean.

Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums.

This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa!

Stop! It's driving me sane!

You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

Odor at magnitude eight.

Nothing like a power nap. Flies, flies and gorillas!

And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

Allow me to demonstrate. Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week.

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts.

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence.

Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot.

BOTH: All My Circuits! All My Circuits! (BOTH EXCLAIMING) ANNOUNCER: And now All My Circuits, brought to you by

Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long. Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all. (BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people? That's too painful to speak of now. Come. I'll show you your quarters.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

That dress looks great on you.

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

(CHUCKLES) BENDER: Yeah.

So I said to Kitty, "The only way to keep the butler from running away... is to cut off his foot!" Ah! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye."

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh...

Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough?

Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man! Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh!

I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep! Come on, Nibbler! Ma'am, I have a late entry.

Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh! Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

When my ancestor Reginald Wong found them here, they had no bingo parlors and only one prostitute. Pfft. Pathetic.

Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere. How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"? Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming.

Goodbye! It was fun maturing with you, but at this point in my life cycle, I need a mate who's within squirting distance. I'll never forget you, fish. Come on, loxy lady, it's time for us to get naughty by nature! No!

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone.

That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother. My Manwich!

Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth. And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very... reasonable--

Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so...

In theory, it could work.

Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me

Still... can't... reach. Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old?

I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

Oh, Lord! Hiking is always such a strain on the buttocks.

Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

All right! Lucky pants! (SCREAMS) Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found! (ALL GASP) DR. ZOIDBERG: A huge pyramid under New New York? What badger could've built this?

First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum! Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, I have placed in orbit a giant mirror... that will reflect 40 percent of the sun's rays, thus cooling Earth.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do.

How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags!

One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down.

I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (CROWD CHEERING) Thanks for helping solve the mystery. After practicing against five Larry Birds, we're ready for anything. ANNOUNCER: And now, introducing the opponents, six Larry Birds!

Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

What? You mean along gender lines? Gender? Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order. Ows! I am not familiar with this concept of gender.

The noble sewer mutants.

As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this!

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back! I Wo--

The odor travels past this coffee stain here around the olive pit and into this cigar burn... and this appears to be a-a... doodle of myself as a cowboy.

Your relationship would be over faster than you can say... (WRETCHES) Listen to Orange Joe. You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery.

the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob. MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today,

Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure. So, what are you doing to protect my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices? Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists.

Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors-- the Mobile Oppression Palace! Neat! I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace,

Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine...

Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead.

(GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Anyway, I should get going. No, Bender, wait. We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool.

Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on.

That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Yea! Whoo-hoo! Finally!

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

Do you have any gum? No.

I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn!

Look, we've all been in a sea monster's stomach.

I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?!

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy. Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus.

Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them, fearsome though we are. There is but one being who can resist them-- a child of destiny whose bizarre brain-wave pattern... makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack.

Did what? People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

Apparently, this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men, was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand!

Clear? Clear. Ready to hoist? Ready. Ow!

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey. Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat.

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff.

I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box. I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be. Okay.

I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

Where's the hunt master? Remember when you said "nobody leave" and then you turned your head briefly? He left an hour before that.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself.

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw! Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons,

Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts.

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone!

Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt! The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab.

Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

That's El Chupanibre.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh? Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan.

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going.

or just one diehard fan. Aww. Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy,

I mean, only one eye.

do you even have a medical degree? I lost it... in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet.

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth.

Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god! Commencing D.N.A. extraction!

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

(SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly! (ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair.

It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

Well, now what? You guys want to talk?

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do.

You and I are enemies now.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much.

All right, break it up, you two. That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president.

Here's the 200 feet of rope you ordered, Sheriff Furley. Hot diggity! You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow?

I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do. Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill. Wait. I'll perform the surgery. You? With those clumsy claws? It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work.

CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time. (GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this. I'll be in my day-off trailer. (BENDER SCREAMS AND BURBLES)

I'm as worthless as this trash can. You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raisin' six kids, ya dumb townie!

Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone?

What? What about what?

a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again!

Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Well, that must be when I heard it. But I guess the memory is gone forever. Like Kaboom cereal. And my family. Oh, fuff. The memory still exists somewhere in your subconscious mind. Amy, prepare the radio-cranial dream injector. Okay. What is it?

But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No. Deal with it.

If you let go, I let go.

Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame.

and also you tell me everything you know about folk singing, and I'll take your guitar, too? Old Salmonella? Son, I ought to kill you for asking. We met doing hard time on a Mississippi chain gang. And she'd been with me through 30-odd convictions. Thirty? You must be quite a bungling lowlife. Anyhow, about the guitar.

You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

I said not now!

if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark,

I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business. My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly. We have only one option.

Things used to be funny around here. Noses were picked, pants fell down. So, what changed?

We're going to try you out with a little delivery job. It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run. Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly.

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

Hello! What's all this then?

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

(GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD)

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see. How exactly will this protect us from time jumps?

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader. Moving along. Why you trespass on our land? We come to negotiate the release of Amy Wong.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3--

Now, turn, ye two, and gaze deeply into each other's eyes. What are you lookin' at? May the love I sense between you... at this moment remain with you both through all your days.

(URGING) Whoa, whoa, there, girl. Go on, now! Get on back to Paraguay! (BRAYING)

I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter. (SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex. Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human! Uh-oh.

One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store.

Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great-

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees.

Yes, it's a tremendous responsibility all right. What if a paper were to land in a puddle? Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene, but it's not enough to convict the Donbot. You'll have to testify in open court. No, no. Can I have another $50? No. No? No! No!

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me.

You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

Your Honor, the prosecution roosts. (SQUAWKS)

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Ow! Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha!

(HICCUPPING) Neanderthal?

You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication.

This'a berry, berry bad!

And then he did it. His new technology is great.

You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear? Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator.

Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest...

It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots. From this day forth, I shall do so whenever possible. Golly! What? Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this." But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps.

on the night of December 31, 1999?

(SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox,

Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really?

I'm a genius. Get over it!

Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Please don't. See you soon.

She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow! I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

I like those odds.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it. There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor?

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto...

Oh! I'm nobody. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me. Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why!

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was.

No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels. We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

We have a mission to further the noble cause of intergalactic peace. Nope. Watching cartoons. Sorry. What's the mission? It's a delivery for the Democratic Order of Planets. DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh...

It's a nice day. We'll take him out to the yard, and after you shoot him, we'll play catch with his bladder. But I can't. He's my pet. You shot your hamster. I told you, that was suicide. (FRY GROANS) He looks kind of sick. What have you been feeding him?

(SHEEP BLEATING) Suppose this basketball is the whole world.

"A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over.

What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship.

No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version. Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela... Fine. Hurry up. ...by shooting the one he rejects.

Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle.

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

Oooh, that feels funny.

Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster.

Life for our ancestors peaceful, until Homo sapiens arrive. We suggest interbreed, become one big happy species. But they treat us like second-class hominid.

To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

That's why I'm firing you now. I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy. What?! It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder.

Queequeg, let go of me. I have to kill it!

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror...

Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it. (EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud. John Zoidberg. It's been a long time. How have you been? Not too bad. Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. Later, I'll show you the pictures.

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

Instead, I will send the peace transmission. Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question.

In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on.

You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it.

He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K Peace out. (CHEERING)

Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight. You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus.

Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know,

It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her.

Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.

but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams. If only I could hear your voice again.

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes.

And if it does, I can't stand in its way. (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw.

Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away. Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing.

But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies.

I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker. Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do.

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

Don't worry, Kif. I'm sure some other... beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.

Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters.

Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable!

I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?

I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions? Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News. Senator, in the last 10 seconds, I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth. Care to evade these compelling charges? No. I mean, yes. I mean... (GROANS)

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups.

There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh! Ah... prewar scotch.

And there it is! It's as if you understand the male mind better than I. I've never met anyone like you. Oh, yes, you have. Coilette, I'd like to spend some... quality time with you.

A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy.

Uh-uh. Forget it. A: I'm camera shy, and B: I get tongue-tied in front of an audience armed with death rays. Plus, you don't really have the thighs for a miniskirt. Give me the script.

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING) Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial.

He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

It's "Hammer" time! You suck! According to regulations, both companies must approve the takeover. Planet Express shareholders, cast your votes.

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii. Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad.

I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner. That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain? That's not covered by my insurance fraud. Count me out. No, you've got to do it.

Step aside, people. I got bug bombs. Bender, wait. Won't the bugs just run out and infest someplace else? Like, our building? Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING) (SCREAMING)

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose. I'm going to allow them for now. Thank you. Your Honor, this meat-man does not deny that we robots are the glorious product of evolution. He claims only to have played a small role in supplying the initial machinery.

Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine! Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist.

I'm a bender-- I bend girders.

Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me. I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records...

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too! That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley?

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES)

That's a good one. Ow! This "women only" planet is sounding better and better.

Where's that Oscar?

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure. Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

(SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second?

LEELA: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness. Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you.

I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud. Look! Coupons!

'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet. Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING)

That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor.

No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

I was hatched ready. Honorable judge Heads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag. I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right. Your Honor, freedom of speech applies... to what comes out of a mouth, not what goes in.

El Chupanibre. El Chupanibre? What's that? Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre. He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush

(CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

But you know, I have a friend in Boston who's an expert silversmith.

Same place as your species... the beach.

I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up! No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends, and I'll still be the hero who everyone says how great he was. How may I help you? Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

aah! Whoopsie-daisy.

I find both genders supremely disappointing. The real reason I administered this bizarre, outer space test was to teach you to work together. But you couldn't.

Crash landing! Zoidberg, you set us free!

Well, 'tis the season.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission.

You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

Oh! "Anyhoo," your net suits will let you experience... Fry's worm-infested bowels... as if you were actually wriggling through them.

Oh. Oh... Hey, look. The robot museum. You guys want to learn about robot heritage? Um, all right. Not really. Well, if you insist. But you're paying.

Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable. You may pass. Now, if you see any robots just stay out of their way.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Hmm! What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet!

Who's your friend, Leela? He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act.

even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance. Did-Did you just talk?

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Amuse your friends with real vomit! Throw your voice! Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works!

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

I'm an outdated piece of junk!

Yo, you're not alone. Hey, Professor, that dimensional drift was hot! How'd you rock that? It's simple, Minx. All you need is a 4-D intake manifold. (BEEPING) It sucks in fourth dimension, creating a friction-less wormhole.

All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

Hermes, don't press that button!

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh!

Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life.

Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow. This is my home. I hope you don't think less of me because I live in a giant castle. Oh, no, not at all. If anything, I'm more impressed.

Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

I'll be a science fiction hero just like Uhura or Captain janeway or Xena. Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference? Sure. I just like TV better.

(TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING) (BEEPING) Breaker, breaker.

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding."

so I'm writing it in my own ink.

No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use.

I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them!

ALL: Mazel tov! Mazel tov! I'd like to thank the preacher-bot for the introduction and also for not circumcising me again, am I right? (ALL CHUCKLING) Twice was enough. But seriously, today, I'm not just a man-bot, I'm the luckiest man-bot alive.

It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot.

until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

(SOBBING) Oh, lord. Now what? I couldn't tell her the truth. Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans!

Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly.

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

In that case... let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why?

Uh... Close enough. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun

Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little.

Hello? Anyone? I guess it's just us for all eternity.

Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

We want McNeal! Stop stalling!

I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler. Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor.

That's what I'm gonna call the yacht.

Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

(ALL CHUCKLING) Shush, Morris. So, how did it all begin? The unlikely lovebirds met at Brown University. She, a brilliant exolinguistics major, he, a laid-back sewer surfer who didn't even know the meaning of "exolinguistics." I still have no idea.

Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.

Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING)

Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke.

As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory. No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes. Now that's what I call fine print.

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape?

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station. (TOILET FLUSHING)

Just stand here like so. Good. I'll fall backwards, and you catch me. I trust you... (SNARLING) (ALL SCREAMING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm going to build that smelloscope. Eureka! Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year.

(SHRIEKING) Oh, all right. To the garment district! (DOOR OPENING) Come in, come in.

And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference.

I'm not here right now, 'cause we're out getting drunk at the Olive Garden. So just leave a message for myself or Bender after the tone. See you! (BEEPS) Oh... (KNOCK ON DOOR) LEELA: Fry? Are you home? We're supposed to have a date at the adults-only pancake house.

How'd you do it? Drugs in the champagne? Hypnosis? No! Drugs are for losers! And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows. I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me, but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final. What?

Why would a virile male like lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing? Like you've ever seen a salad. My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine!

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else. Wait. I know where we can get beeswax.

Hey, the blues. The tragic sound of other people's suffering. That's kind of a pick-me-up.

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry!

Wait! That chunk! It's the watch! I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a--

I had nightmares all night about cars running people over. Many people dream of a fresh new look and Mary Kay can make those dreams come true. Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York. There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater. Robot Porno Theater?

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh! In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters... directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

Clam up, Founding Fathers.

For this demonstration - I've placed one of Mother's bras on ignor. The robot controller is nestled here in the left cup. Never fear. My magic fingers still know how to do their stuff. To escape the robot death squads we'll take Mother to her rustic cabin in the Bronx.

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

FRY: Ugh! My old house. There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you. Oh, I missed your stinky breath so much. Maybe I do kind of miss this place.

But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing?

Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern.

Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them.

Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try. Ugh!

Okay, let me back up for a running start. Here I go! (SCREAMING)

Aah! Hey-- Aah! Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles!

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no!

Leela, you can stop winning now. We won. I'm too short to reach the hand brake! That's detention. And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps,

That hurt! I know.

Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart.

A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up. For the love of God, somebody kick his ass! Well, so long. Get well soon. Oh. Well. So long anyway.

The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off?

There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring. That lucky bastard. I say kill it! But it loves me, and I love it! Kill them both!

Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you.

I owe you ten bucks, Hermes. Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees.

The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution.

ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths.

Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor.

Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs.

Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender?

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.

Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it. Or I would, if I hadn't lost my teeth and nails... on Mars and Saturn, respectively. Wait. You're a lawyer? You're hired!

I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father. All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda. Aw, yeah. I promise things will be different, Son.

Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats. My great uncle once saw a rat. If we don't keep them busy, they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner.

What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name!

Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria, just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers!

A mission of peace.

Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty. I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet. Here, read. Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful.

I'll get us out of here. Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks.

But we've earned these days off. We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings?

That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

(BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy!

Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

My fish got away.

How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human.

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

Well, duh. She's programmed to like you. But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing?

This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm. You ever made out with a tugboat? Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there,

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

(SOUNDS HORN) Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that...

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING)

(SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers!

That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname.

Give me the script. Places, everyone! Okay. All set. Lights. Camera one. Camera two.

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout-- Destructor, a robotic armored tank whose very use in battle has been ruled a war crime...

Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast.

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew.

This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse.

I don't know what to do.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off? I'M fine, thank you. A real pilot can navigate by feel alone.

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING)

so they didn't even see you barf. Oh, now they'll never think I'm manly enough to date their daughter.

These are sailors' lives, Bender. Think of the untold cursing that would be lost to future generations. Could you live with that? You know the answer, you scurvy bastard! Maybe I have been selfish, hiding my ass under a bushel.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay. - Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa.

But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge. Collect call from...

Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow!

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy.

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is... Bender!

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

You're one to talk! But we can use those very gases to save the planet. If you all vent your exhaust directly upward in one burst, it should thrust the Earth further from the sun, thus cooling it. Oh! Hmm!

Why'd you freeze yourself? Oh, Fry, after you left things took a turn for the worse. I got married. I'm sorry. His name was Charles. He attended a law school so prestigious the basketball team was coached by Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

(GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING) (ALL GROAN) LEELA: I found the satellite! Let's just hope the experiment's still in here. Yes! We're saved!

Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions. Six if you want to get technical. Oh, I do. It all began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened-- Thank you.

I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

At the risk of sounding stupid, do these things actually work? Of course not, stupid!

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

Your Honor, Mom is a poor, frail industrialist with three special sons who require constant neglect. Yet isn't it true, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that this boy, this Cubert Farnsworth... That's my name. Don't wear it out. ...deliberately robbed her blind by improving his own robot?

Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer. A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay.

Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas! Amy, there you go. Fry, Professor, Zoidberg.... A mighty haul for Bender. Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas!

Be very gentle, folks.

How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

I'm lying to make her feel better. Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins.

When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to.

Yeah. They're great, huh? I just don't belong here. I don't know anyone. I can't find a vanishing cream that doesn't make me actually vanish. I don't even have a job. Oh, right. I was supposed to assign you a job. Let me just get your career chip installed. Hold out your palm.

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless.

Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through? It got through, Fry. It got through.

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses.

You are hereby conquered! Please line up in order of how much beryllium it takes to kill you! Damn, that's a good costume. Next up, contestant 38!

Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out. These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work. "But mine aren't. "You, mon, give me that robot brain." And you, metal guy, lie down. Zoidberg, this makes no sense. Why are you helping him? And what's that catchy beat? (ROCK BEAT BEGINNING) I'll tell you. Two, three...

Ahhh! Hello. Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale. Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron. It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one.

Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived.

Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle. The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor. I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people.

Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your...

You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it. Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will.

Ahh! Aha! Found you. Okay, now you go hide.

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out?

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump. Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this. Unless you let us live.

It's a plant-based supplement that bulks up your flapping muscles.

Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe.

You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production.

Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk.

That's not a bad idea, Fry.

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down!

Beavers mate for life. Eleven greater than four. For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy.

Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface.

That was not worth $3,000. (GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here?

Fly the white flag of war.

I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die.

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew! Yo, dawg, we're a crew. Well, that solves that.

(COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town. That rambler slept with my Jezebel

I think not. What is this, high school? Locker check. Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom.

Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off.

I hate you all!

I guess it's just me and you, chicken hat.

- Never! - Never!

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip. Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face.

You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand.

Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew. Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys.

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express...

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime.

Want to get married and whatever? Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's. Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant.

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm.

Oh, Flexo, Flexo, Flexo. I'm startin' to remember why I fell for you in the first place. So, she's fallin' for Flexo, eh? I'd better seduce her a little more, just to be sure. Well, it's late. I should get home to my trailer. I'll walk you out.

Son, I think I can safely say--

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

(GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship. (EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody,

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word.

This originates from the heart!

The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down.

Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist.

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do.

(SCREECHES) (ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing.

Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh! Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew,

I learned it from a decongestant commercial.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh!

That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants! Stop hoggin' the clover!

Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

I assume no one survived?

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening.

(WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust?

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole. I'm trying not to, but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale!

Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer!

Terminate the operation. LaBarbara? Dwight?

Man, we sure used to try harder back then.

Cheer up, meat bag.

If you had kids of your own, you'd understand! Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears!

Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening.

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik. Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh?

Ah, screw the whole thing.

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Could you repeat that last part?

Last team flying wins.

Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of? Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

It just keeps comin' and comin'.

Come on, woman, just pick something. Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me.

(MOANS) Time to prune the family tree. Wha! (ALL CHEERING) Huzzah! I've saved the Farnsworth name.

And with that... I have closure.

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes!

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

- 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh! What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense. Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya? I'll come. As long as there's no xenophobes there. (SHUDDERS) I want to come, too. You? Why?

Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity, the cold, lifeless touch of her tentacle on my body. She is one juicy calamari. Oh, Zapp, I love you, too.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

My broken friend is closer to me Than an ass to a chair Hmm. That robot's name I never told you Who's that? You could not foresee Come on. Give it up. I'll say it loud and sing it proud His name is you and me

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage! Get him! Whoa!

Oh, my God. What the...?

I'm all scuttled out. Wha--

Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first!

Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know. The point is, do you even know any actual folk songs? Pfft! Actual folk songs are all public domain.

I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast. Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys.

So, you grow hemp.

Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

I don't... Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man.

Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Is anything not a robot?

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover.

Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting? Bender! This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big.

Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors. Nice meeting you.

a carnival. Unfortunately, a corn dog bone got lodged in the control panel of the Spizzler and I had to ride it for eight hours. Sorry. But it did give me a chance to think. I'm sorry. And I remembered the last time I was truly happy.

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!

Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid."

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake,

Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them! Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat. Hermes, old pal. Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago, you said you hated me.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference.

You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go--

Well, at least you're still the worst football player of all time. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player! Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful. Aw, hang in there, folks.

So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal.

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

May I crash on your couch?

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella.

Petridge Farm remembers. Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago.

Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY) Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat.

Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang.

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming.

8:00 central. Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all.

(SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend. (PANTING)

In exactly 10 seconds, the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger.

one purpose, one pact. Our enemy shall be eaten by scorpions. And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves. We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that!

Madam's sewage-seeking missile. (GASPING)

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Holy frijoles! All bow before the great Metal Lord! Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me.

ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

I present this monument, titled simply, "Heroes."

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob.

It's cool. Back off!

No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge.

Legalize it! Every other couple has the right to marry. Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING)

I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what? Seriously, though, we stink out loud. Here's the big Enchirito-- Mom's Friendly Delivery Company.

It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant. Ah! You're right! And I, as a renowned ear, nose, and blowhole doctor,

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me.

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

I'm changing the channel. (PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE) Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.

It'll be the end of civilized society!

All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack. You disobeyed an order so now you have to deliver all 40 pillows by hand. Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine...

Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can.

Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers.

Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume.

My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING)

I can't take it anymore! They've been at it for hours! Give it a rest, you two!

I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course.

Oh! I did it! I blunk!

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

And you are outta here!

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent.

Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot. Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Ooh! Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications.

Could you get the lights on your way out?

Ain't no thing but a hyperchicken wing. (ALL SNORING) (THUD) (ALL EXCLAIM) What? Huh? I guess we're here. Let's make the delivery. FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes! The ship did everything?

Bender, what's wrong?

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh!

AMANA: Ohhh! Your hands are warm. For a robot. Thanks, baby. I don't know what you're doing back here in the galley, 'cause you got a first-class seat. Yeah. Come on.

Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability.

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness.

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

- Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S. Identity confirmed. Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room. 7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that?

please support Proposition Infinity! (EXCLAIMS)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Where'd it go? Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste.

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera.

Sure, blame the wizards.

May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap!

Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like, "You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things?

Happy Freedom Day!

Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick.

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here?

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

(SIGHS) Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano.

love our planet. Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation.

I'm just a simple farmer.

Thank you, Scruffy. (SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES)

And too cold. (SHUDDERING) Our top scientists went to work. At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy. Earth! Indubitably. Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball.

You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle. Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

(SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

Everybody's talkin' at me I don't hear A word they're saying only the echoes of my mind

(MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning. So please, give generously, knowing some poor helpless mutant will thank you. Not in person, thank God. Well, that was disturbing.

If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper--

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich!

See you in a thousand years.

(GROWLS) (BOTH GASP) Ladies and gentlemen and smizmars, we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb!

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld.

Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing. It's so big and empty. My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes.

I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters.

(QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

(SCREAMS) I know! Let's outrun it! - There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can!

Motion destroyed. The hunt shall resume at sunup. (HORSE WHINNIES) He's crooked, but fair. I'm not giving up yet.

Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How?

I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy.

Give me back my floppy face!

If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril.

Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy. Thanks to years of LaBarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat.

That's right... no body.

This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

(ALL SCREAMING) (CHOIR MUSIC) ALL: Oh!

it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

Daddy done good, huh?

I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation. It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk.

Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things? Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah!

Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy.

Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision.

FARNSWORTH: Quickly, into the ship's basement! Now then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions,

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already?

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS)

Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat. (GRUNTS) Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

(GROANS) Come on, let's go somewhere we can be alone.

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them! Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try.

Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested. Have you got an extra "goto 10" line?

All right, Tinny, your double leg transplant is complete. What do you say you give 'em a try? It's a miracle! I can walk! No more crutch or withered leg!

- Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks.

And what's that catchy beat? (ROCK BEAT BEGINNING) I'll tell you. Two, three... I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago When a happy thought dispelled my woe And I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull "If I sliced up his cyborg skull"

Halt! Visitors are forbidden.

Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours. Yup!

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

Oh! I'm nobody. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me.

(BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING) Whoo! I've never felt so energetic!

Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment! Uh, Leela? I'm through making fun of women.

I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

(CHATTERING) MAN: Go back to Roboklahoma!

I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender!

Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers!

Hello, boys. Whoa!

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone. Can I drive?

What the hell is that?

Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot. And I'm gonna tell you all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down? (TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy!

Hello. Septuple-a? Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money.

I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads.

There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

Meanwhile, in Universe "A," Hermes "A" heads towards the sun... "A."

So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight? I hate partying. If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby. Why does everything I date run away?

And have ourselves a really good time Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind...

We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out!

Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable! Today, I actually blended in with a crowd!

It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire. The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub. I work there as a greeter. Your beast was my chance to be a hero again, but the damn thing was a vegetarian, so I slaughtered the sheep myself. But why did you attack me?

All right, listen up, nitwits.

Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless.

Huh? Leela? Fry? I thought you were dead. Nope. I'm better than ever.

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible,

Where do all these child-sized beers come from? See that magnificent heavily guarded cask? All the beer's in there. Ahh! Not all the beer.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay.

Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish But its ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally newish So take a hearty swallow from your robo-Kiddush cup Which will give me time to quickly make them up (BURPS) Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?

Hey. Ooh. Wow. Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory. Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now?

No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up. Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness. just out of robo-curiosity,

Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge. Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling?

Light hot. Oil temperature rising.

Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop.

Sign the paper. And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals.

In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. I wish. It's a nickel.

All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies. (GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please.

Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump. Kids, let's meet the Humplings! (PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

Five out of 10, also nice. Yep. NARRATOR: And so the salmon reach the ocean, birthplace of all life. Except the salmon.

Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right. I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good.

Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough.

Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity?

He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man.

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed.

That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now.

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still.

but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You. Aren't you getting this? We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6.

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please.

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking...

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie?

I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud.

Oh, it's hopeless.

Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine.

Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys.

Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Who wants lobster bisque?

(GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it.

No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan.

Ew! There it is.

Who put this in here?

(ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh?

It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

We just need $11 million. And boned.

Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Me too. Me too.

Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

(MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant,

But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one.

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure.

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold! Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP)

Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast. And check out the interior. (LOCK BEEPS) Note the rear-facing safety seats. Ha! Cool! Hey, wait. If I'm backwards, I can't see out the windshield. There is no windshield.

Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out. (IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man.

This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

LEO: Fore! Mr. Wong, we have a Mafia proposal for you. Your casino, give it to us. Okay, fine, I just retire to my fabulous mansion. (LAUGHS) Hey, boss, ain't that the type of mansion you like?

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX! (CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly!

Item one: Box. Check. Item two: Sun. Oh, that's a big check.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on?

Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

This is going to kill him more than it does me. Goodbye, boy. I'll think of you whenever I sit on something round. (SCREAMS) (EVERYONE GASPS) What's happening? Did you kill it?

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real.

Oh, no. No more implants.

Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check."

Yeah! It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun.

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already! Yes. I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC. And if this isn't the life you want, how 'bout this? Run program "Kif Two."

People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats

Stop griping. Now get in there, and remember, eat everything in the safe,

Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane...

I think it moved. BOTH: Phew!

our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express.

Stop hoggin' the clover!

What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot? Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. Yeah, fatal, schmatal. If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body.

Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

If you call that living.

Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings.

(CHEERING) And furthermore, by golly, I promise to cut taxes for the rich and use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel. Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich.

There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Will you be my friend? Ow! Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa!

Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow!

Aah! Ohh! Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe!

At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking!

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry!

Jumping is for suckers. I'm good! Who wants a piece of me? I'll try a bite!

I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium.

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you.

FARNSWORTH: You've got a bright future, Amy. As sure as the sun sets in the east.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no.

Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud?

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means.

Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks.

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens. (MOANING) Leela, wake up. I can't face this mysterious planet alone without you or someone like you.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy." My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy!

(GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks.

Problem solved.

People of Osiris Four, please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep. Hey, baby. I'm Bender. (FEEDBACK SCREECHES) (WHOOPS) Gather 'round, yokel wannabes! This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted!

dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun--

But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING)

(BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor, but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I'm sorry. I appreciate that, Amy. Is there any way I can help, maybe?

Fry, my friend, I found your pants. And no sign of that crafty badger. All right! Lucky pants! (SCREAMS) Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found!

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy.

I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought. I'm a natural. The information we need will be here, in the physical files.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four,

Because he already died! (GASPS) T.! (SOBS) (BOTH SOB) Son... I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

Two. One-half. I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner... and the first half of a movie.

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading!

Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet.

I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died

Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks! (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time. You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before. Please. It's important to me.

Searing, searing pain that feels as if it were in a vice. Well, that was rude.

Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one. No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one. My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat!

I can quit anytime I want.

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make. You see, when I first went foraging,

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

We've got to get Fry's message to the people. People of New New York take a lesson from the 20th century-- stop all this pain-in-the-ass recycling and throw your garbage on the floor. Go ahead, just chuck it any old place like I used to. Your city is counting on you.

You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry!

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances.

It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack! Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right. Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap!

Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling. I owe it all to you.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh?

Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky.

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots?

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

It's too low! Quick! You did it! You actually did it!

Sure thing, pal. Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it!

I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome. Oh! Hey, save some for me!

While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No! Central filing? Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20. Where is it?

(MUFFLED YELLING)

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

Dude, the Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself! Shut up! I was gonna say that.

Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week.

What words? Star Trek?

There's no booze and only one hooker.

The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news.

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Bender is back.

That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact. In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week!

Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl.

What's happening? He's hooked up to a life-support system. We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us.

Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive.

Just... my left hand? Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting! I can't stand it! Okay. You can have my hand.

Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train."

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

You can use this as an eye poker. Thank you, but I don't care how many eyes a man has. As long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser. These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer? I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not?

Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

I just need to reset the Clone-O-Mat from human mode... to dog mode. The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can!

Killed? In an atomic blast?

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected.

Newspaper, Phone Book, or Miscellaneous. Miscellaneous, that's me. The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING)

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

It is a recent tradition, only 18 years old but it is a tradition nonetheless!

There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County.

There has been quite a rash of fires lately.

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No!

No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela?

and that's not your golf cart.

Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait. Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS) Hey, you're one of those Earth spies

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City.

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry. He's been safely abandoned with his godfather. Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch. Why don't you just go to hell!

But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar?

thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper. You can get off me anytime. Oh, no! My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved...

This seems the logical place for fish to congregate. So, we're in international waters?

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo. We've got to get the old Bender back. And I think I know a way to do it. We have to reacquaint him with a little thing called sleaze.

Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them!

Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups.

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

(POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels!

Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down.

Close the door. You're letting the smut out.

Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh!

No! I can't stand to look!

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Hang on a second. (THUDDING) NARRATOR: The Galapagos tortoise lays a clutch of between six and 15 eggs. What do you want? I'm 150 years old. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera. Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry!

Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you?

Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary. What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing.

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow! I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker.

but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents,

So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend?

Well, um-- Heh. The, um-- H-Hello. 'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff. Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body,

I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Thank you, Hermes.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna. We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected.

And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS)

No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

I know my new plan is a long shot, but it's the only hope left. Well, now I've heard everything. On my iPod. So, do you have a new plan, Professor? And is there any hope left?

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble.

Bloods on the Mobius strip. When will these kids learns? (SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew! Yo, dawg, we're a crew.

And this time I mean it!

Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me?

With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?

No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there.

In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse.

(BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash

I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags!

What could possibly--

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen.

Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium? The foxhunting uniform? You, sir, must be a robot of noble bearings. Well, I am descended from Prince Albert's can.

There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County. I'm ready to seduce.

It won't be able to see, but you'll look like a perfectly normal... two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal? Hmm. Hmm!

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears.

Here's your medal, hero.

Alexander Hamilton of New York, how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey.

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete!

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you.

Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications.

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze,

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

and my Smizmarr is Amy. So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?

It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it. Gaze upon this photo of yourself and start squirting out some soul-arrhea. It doesn't work that way, you imbecile. Although it's really quite a nice portrait. The contrast is exquisite.

order is restored for another year. Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY) I'm the greatest, baby!

Okay, who's next? There's a lot more where that came from! (COUGHS) I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it!

Here, let me help you.

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts,

I guess the hat must have broke my fall. It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it.

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer.

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

You hit me. You owe me a dollar.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter?

Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood.

Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover.

What is this moose drip? "The New Delivery Kings?" I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts. But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy.

Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it!

Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things? (GASPS) You mean, you don't remember? Nope. Nothing. It's like when I passed out in college, except no one drew Magic Marker penises on my forehead.

Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah! Meeting adjourned.

Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One!

I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost! Take this, Mr. President, sir!

with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right. Dum, da-da-doot, de-de, deet How much? 500 bucks. Done. Zapp Brannigan okay? No. 600.

- Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing? just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing? Don't crush me into an anchor Yo, what's the dillio? just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

What the hell are you doing?

For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News. Senator, in the last 10 seconds, I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth. Care to evade these compelling charges? No. I mean, yes. I mean... (GROANS)

(GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes? That could be a response the aliens are waiting for! Quickly. To Mount Shushmore!

I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what?

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a...

So this is where they stick old people.

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip. Yes, you did.

Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry!

Leela, I mean this, you're the greatest creative mind since blah, blah, blah-bity blah. But it's 2:00 a.m., and you still haven't written tomorrow's episode. Well, you can't expect me to write it here with everyone talking so loudly about how great I am. Sorry. I'm taking the ship to my quiet place so I can be alone. You non-creatives can catch a bus home.

It's a deep space emotion detector.

What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING) Aw! Did you miss me, pookie?

Fry? Is it really you?

The planet has returned to its primeval state. Earth is just the way it was before the white man came. (DEVICE POWERING UP) Good news. All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen. Happy now, Gore? Yeah. But I'd be happier if I had a set of lungs.

his in-your-face interface.

That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here.

I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash, my rage would've subsided. Sadly, that has not happened.

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies!

So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him.

make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope.

a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow.

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie--

I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it. I'll be back soon.

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at. Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master? Because... my stomach is about to explode.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

bend me, Shape me anyway you want me you got the power to turn on the light

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice.

You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too. But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realize I love Flexo! But-- But--

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what?

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants!

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm.

Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler,

We'll have to bring her around again.

I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

Look, all the presidents are back. Even John Tyler. That's the first time anyone's spoken to me in 1,200 years. Yes, from Chester A. Arthur to Chester Z. Arthur, they're all here.

See you tonight, toots. (DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

- Indeed. - Any calls while I was out? Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called?

Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder.

Our network is targeting a hip new demographic, people who don't like you. But have you forgotten my mastery of the dramatic...

The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more.

(YELLING) What's going on? How did we save you? It was the weirdest thing. We went to sleep, and when we woke up, our cave husbands were gone. I'm gonna miss Spencer.

Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley?

Coming, gigantums!

Ain't nothing like a postcard coming from your own mind Your own mind Hey there's a toothache coming from your goldmine, your goldmine Why don't you come on over sometime

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh! Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza. You just say that because you're primitive.

All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed. (BEEPS) (WHIRRING) (GASPS) Fry, this is amazing! You did this all by yourself? Uh-huh. All with stuff I found around the office.

The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside.

Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

Yup, that's what her donor card says. Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING) (BIRDS CAWING)

Thank you. Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me.

(GASPS) Fry? What are you doing? You were right. I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No!

Now, get in here before you freeze. Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers.

Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

Fire 'em all. Mm-hmm. Mm. Guys! Guys! Something's happening on television again. Ohhh!

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth?

you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching?

And no one suspects a thing. And that's how we learned our lesson.

Oh, Monique. Why did we wait so many years to bathe in champagne?

Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

The sparks keep me warm.

Instead, she's with her ex-boyfriend and I'm stuck with a pair of skilled mechanical hands. Say, I don't suppose you're free later? Then I have no choice.

We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life.

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up!

Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

(SCREAMING) You girls have moxie. We're going to beat it out of you.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

So far, so good. Where's Kif? This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi!

He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend.

(SIREN WAILING)

Dad! We screwed up! You did? Tough luck, suckers!

Uh, in a small way, yes. But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things.

(CRACKLING) Who's there? Hermes, is this one of your zany practical jokes? (YELLING)

Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is.

Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter, surrounded by bums who eat garbage? Money brought me no happiness. Bubkes!

Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though.

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine.

Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom. You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots.

You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools. I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria.

But who could possibly bend such a huge pipe? (SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Oh, lordy Lou! Help! I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight?

Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body.

And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning.

Don't let down Pharaoh now.

And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside. Pretty good story, hey, Hermes? Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle!

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly.

Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid.

But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

So we spliced elephant DNA into their chromosomes for added heft. (TRUMPETS) (BUZZING) So those magic beans are actually genetically engineered? You can't just meddle with life like that. Who do you think you are? God?

I'm sorry, buddy. At least we'll die on our backs, helpless. Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan. Submerge the prisoners! Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God!

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right!

Bender, cut it out!

In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike? Now I'll never get to bend anything! Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother.

It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. Jackhammer, vegetable peeler, pipe-bending jig. A machine that can bend? No way. But, Hermes, old friend, didn't you say you were through with the implants? Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. Such a mild insult.

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers. Yeah! It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun.

If it takeS forever I Will wait FoR you

But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my.

This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own ink.

Look out, little drunk Sheila!

Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball!

so as to scan itself, completing its thousand-year task. This is your one chance to enter the sphere! Scoot! Scoot now!

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid."

But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more? Imma go take that job offer at Lehman Brothers. (SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

Thank you, Assie. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge.

Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Thank you, Hermes. I don't know. It seems like a lot of trouble to cut off your arm just to snake a drain. It's not just a drain snake. It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. Jackhammer, vegetable peeler, pipe-bending jig. A machine that can bend? No way.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring.

What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes.

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart.

Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk.

Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out. Go nuts. Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute? Go for it, Bender. You know you want to.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you.

Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea.

My best friend's life is at stake.

And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade. Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot.

If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good.

No! Fry can't know anything about the mission. If he finds out, the worms will try to defend themselves. They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela,

Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.

And you wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it.

Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters. Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry, and I've tried everything. All right. Never mind. Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island. My life is ruined. Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again.

(IN BOSTON ACCENT) I wish it had been me, Sully. I wish it had been me off-duty in the Garden when those drug lords blew up the Celtics. But I was drunk, wicked drunk. Uh-oh. Cobb's doing a scene from Beantown Buddies.

Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting. I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

You're the last store open. I need something for my friend Leela. just give me your best animal. Best? Well, that's a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail.

I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me. If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way, score some fancy cologne at the newsstand,

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS)

makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you.

Look at Hermes's tortoiseshell glasses.

Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you?

I think she means you. Grab them! Oh!

Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See? (ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

His legend lives on! So you opened the record vault, and the clover was gone? Yep. Nothing in there but all the best music of the 1980s in one amazing collection.

(MONITOR BEEPING) (MUSIC CONTINUES)

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of?

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws?

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

"Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there.

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry? Yes, I did, Leels, and I'll tell you why. Because it grows the brand. Oh, Lord. This company's circling the drain, I tell you! I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold!

I just hope he's a nice man who can make us lot of grandchildren. This not some parallel universe where you getting any younger.

Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Hmm. You know, Kif, once my woman returns I won't have much time to hang out with the boys anymore. That's a shame, sir.

When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs! Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook.

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh! Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

Oh. Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist. Yep. No, Professor. Don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up. By God, you're right!

This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Huh? I choose to not understand these signs.

(FIRING) I'll have to re-edit the program. Rose Mary, have we got any type of machinery to edit tape? ROSE MARY: Oh, you know we do. Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS)

I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager.

Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint. Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela! If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

Eh, I'm still working on that one. (GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh! What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense.

Who's up for some Twister? No! We beta males deserve better. When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect, keeping sensible harems of no more than five. And it begins with me. Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach!

How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand.

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way.

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me.

It was me. I'm the hero.

Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card. Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends!

Whoa, slow down. This place just doesn't feel like home. It just isn't... cozy. Ah... I can barely move. It's perfect!

(ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now! Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure.

(BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay.

Like what? Ooh! Oh. Are you my mommy? Negative.

It's a robot holiday. Really? Which one? Only Robanukah-- The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar. Oh, come on, Bender. Last month it was Robamadan, and before that Robanzaa. Man, that one was a blast. It wasn't just a blast.

The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis. I don't know why my brother hated me so much.

Mwah! No cheap crack houses for me no more! Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

That's coming out of your pay.

The Nanobots have gotten more complex.

Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean. Hmm... This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it. Okay, you're on a date.

Oh, no. These broads are supposed to wrestle for six and a half weeks, but there's only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks. We're still getting paid, right? I told you it's an audition!

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive.

It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots.

No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald. What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay.

The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows.

Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers." When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes. Meow. Wonderful, Hubie.

Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal.

A valid question.

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred.

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

I'm trying, but he's not making it easy. Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money. Wow, thanks.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life

What are you scared of?

So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

There. It was hard work,

The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

(GRUNTS) Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you, I'll take you where there's nothing flammable,

You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room. Well, uh...

Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags. Hello? Hello? What's happening? I'm not sure. I think he's shuffling off sadly into the distance. Oh, Lord.

Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies.

Uh... Half a cake. (BELCHES) Very well. Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

My fellow Earthicans, welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson! (ALL CHEERING)

Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go! (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. ALL: Hear, hear! (GULPING)

I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

being filthy rich, that is! "Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him.

Reverse mortgages. Get your reverse mortgages here.

We can take them. On April 10, 2912, my late husband and I set off down Fifth Avenue aboard the Land Titanic,

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet. I'm okay, then. Storm dying down. Leo, check if buggalo herd is okay.

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have--

Is that a cooking show?

Guys! Guys! Something's happening on television again. Ohhh!

What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up! And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated,

Lightspeed fits today's active lifestyle whether you're on the job or having fun. Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh! What a weird dream.

Hey, guess what you're accessories to.

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive!

Of course I'm from Earth. Wait a second. There's no Earth certificate, but it does say your mother was admitted to the maternity ward. This morning! (GASPS) (SIGHS) I should have known the truth would come out sooner or later. The fact is, I really was born on Earth tomorrow.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

I failed at my lifelong dream again. How can I be so bad at everything I try, and still be so great? Bender, you have a lovely baritone, and you sure can strum that plastic guitar.

Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela.

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Whoa! Oh, boy. Yes! Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa.

Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I--

You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion. Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice. I can't let my monstrous de-boner get anywhere near you. There it is! Well, this is it.

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud! Oh, this is all my fault!

My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

(MACHINERY BEEPING) You see, I'm his butler. Oh! My uncle Fry and his mystery-solving friends. Perhaps you can make sense of the... What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. (SCREAMS) Now then, let me show you my lab.

Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that.

And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor.

Who the hell is this? How did you get this number? Is this the robot company? 'Cause I have a complaint about a defective robot. His name is me! A defective robot, you say?

You know, without your mother, the sewer's a dank and dismal place. Dad, we need to talk.

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what?

WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo. Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online. Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online.

We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

Hello? Dad? (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) (ENGINES REVVING) (SIRENS WAILING)

Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit.

One month, two weeks, one hour,

he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant.

(GASPS) Mom, are you okay? Did Zapp take advantage of you? Show me where he touched you on this dried-apple doll. Don't be silly. Zapp's a perfect gentleman. And so handsome. Did you know he wears a velour man-skirt? (GROANS) Mom, I hate to break it to you, but Zapp's a jerk.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

Right here, baby. (GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me? Ah! Alone and unhooked. Let the evening begin. All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed.

Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking!

All right. Show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out.

I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh!

Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball! You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling!

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: From the "Rowdy" Roddy Piper Daycare Center in Glasgow, Scotland, it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling! (BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh!

Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What?

There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages.

We're slowing down. Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts?

No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive!

Ow! I'm hungry.

Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes!

Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap.

You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you.

Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women--

Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight. Why are you committing these atrocities against nature? Nature's out of its league. There are 40 billion hungry people on this planet, many of whom will pay top dollar for one of my pine-u-porks.

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat! If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray!

MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo!

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

- You speak English? - I do now. Whoa-whoa, whoa! Oh.

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble?

Well, see you tomorrow. Not surprising enough.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron.

People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me?

Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about?

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing.

Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up.

I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you!

- Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela?

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar. We did it!

Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm.

I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress. Say, robot, old buddy, could you help me move a couch? Aw, okay, but I'm not carrying it upstairs.

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals."

What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out.

it's a then. The future.

Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah! Meeting adjourned. I can't figure out why she's so nice to you, Fry. She's a hateful monster, this Morgan.

The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh! Ah, it is just our new Crock-Pot. Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock.

and every crack a memory of heavy things shot a long way. Good day! (JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches.

You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter. - What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww.

The Titanic. Looks nice.

We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets.

Raise the solar sails! I'm going after that Mobius Dick! (ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare!

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING) The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry!

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses... at Zapp Branigan's black tie reception. You comin'?

Hey, smelly-pants.

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor. Wha--

His legend lives on!

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender.

(GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables,

I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor.

Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh!

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off!

(BUZZING) Okay, if we survive. Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius.

This is the end!

Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again.

Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies.

So, whatever happened to this seven-leaf clover? I hid it in a secret hiding place... whose location I never told anyone, not even Scruffy.

Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration. That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence--

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three. Prepare the water cooler that we may gather around it later and discuss things.

I'm Slim Shady.

Okay, Murdolator's finished. I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt,

Geez, with these... (ALL EXCLAIMING)

The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on!

It's not spam. Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss. Please come join me on the planet of your birth. Coordinates follow.

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning.

We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast. You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot.

Wow, look at the colors! These'll go great with my soul.

Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast!

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac.

Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very... reasonable--

Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif?

Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.

To the Science Mobile!

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Not Santa. There he is again!

Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in. Kwanzaa tradition encourages educational gifts. So I brought Dwight my book on mathketball. Whoa! Let me see that.

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Glove recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower. Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan.

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca!

That's the gentle, sensitive, poet warlord I fell in love with.

No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

it's good to be home. It sure is. By the way, I saved your stuff. So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light?

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream,

And no one will ever know.

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions?

I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good. Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again.

Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos, none is rarer or more tragic than the Pinta Island tortoise. Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert.

There's nothing strange about it. He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice. (TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back.

You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel!

I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet.

What if I can't think of anything to say? Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you.

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now.

You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B."

Let's just hope the experiment's still in here. Yes! We're saved!

Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this. Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead.

Our ninth finalist, Miss Methane Planet-- Halatina Smogmeyer.

The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time. Really-- You two go enjoy yourselves.

So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

A VIp tour of the Slurm factory. Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down. Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.

And if you survive, we'll make sweet love. The law is clear.

and teleporters won't be invented for another 15 years, according to that guy from the future. Wow. That's actually a really good idea, for a woman. (SCOFFING) What else you ladies got? Girls of Planet Express calendar. FRY: Girlie calendar? Great idea, Amy. Okay, then. Leela, Amy, come to work topless tomorrow.

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before...

View halloo, view halloo. View halloo? All right. What does that mean? The fox has been sighted. (SOUNDS HORN)

Where go beautiful man?

Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone.

Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

Dump him already. I'm trying.

We're all out of beer. All right, listen up, nitwits. Who here is tired of illegal space aliens taking our good Earth jobs? (CROWD CHEERING) Me, too. So, if I'm reelected,

Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

(IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Welcome home, old friend. just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor...

Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city!

Behold, the Great Stone Face of Mars. Hmm. The only known entrance to the Martian reservation. What about the Great Stone Ass of Mars? Well, yeah, but it's way on the other side of the planet.

A true inspiration for the children.

(CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for. Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No! Ahh.

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

(HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up. Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

I'm afraid I've got some bad news as well. Let Amy tell us. That way, it soften the blow. Why Amy being so quiet? Um-- Well, um-- That is, um--

But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing!

Speaking of nasty irritants, what's gonna become of Cubert? Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry. He's been safely abandoned with his godfather.

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Ah. Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone.

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet?

But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

Ahh, this is-a why I love Earth-a-- beautiful, star-brightened day, friendly blernsball game with chum pals. So pleasant for everybody. Ohh! Hit by a pitch. Take your base. Sorry about that!

(CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4,

He looks radiant. Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed.

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great.

Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute. In the English countryside, many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds.

makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack. He is the hope of the universe. The fate of your world-- perhaps all worlds-- rests in his special mind. Now, when you say "special--"

And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

Three, two, one.

Hey, what kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.

festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg.

You did it, Fry! Yep. It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

"Borry?" Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm. You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173.

No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women. But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before.

Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela. What's happening? Space cow? The ship's just taking the breakup a little hard. She's nuts! In a few moments,

I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle.

In your face! Victory is mine!

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

long As you love me it's all right Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me My new bent outlook has completely reenergized me. I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress.

I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy!

FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control.

Your relationship would be over faster than you can say... (WRETCHES) Listen to Orange Joe. You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery. Oh, I don't know. It doesn't seem fair to Marianne. But on the other claw, maybe I can't live without her.

I regret ever running him over. Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo.

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain?

Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan.

Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya.

Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

Thank you, Fry.

Are you with me, fellas?

CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING)

Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium.

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

Leela, what are you doing in my dream? The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream. That's as close as I'm gonna get. (SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing.

This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one."

It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right?

insanity... uh, integrity.

But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right.

(HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on.

Poorly! My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel. Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it.

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING) (MONITOR BEEPING)

It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti.

Nixon out! (HOWLS)

I'm done talking.

but we can't wait any longer. Good-bye, Bender. Wait for us! Something's wrong.

Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

I know, I know. It sounds absurd.

It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around. Who the hell is this? How did you get this number? Is this the robot company?

Vintage Bubblegum!

Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents.

Infinite joy! Fry, my friend, you have given my life meaning again! That calculus lecture was harder than I expected. We had to answer every question in the form of an opera. I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, if I don't want to be embarrassed.

Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale!

Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast!

Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness!

You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.

I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen! Irie, Professor!

If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry.

What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay!

whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy!

(BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly.

Be forewarned. The only sure way to get an "A" in this class is to have lived in the 20th century. Swish. You were saying, Mr. Fry? I'm from the 20th century.

Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig. You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things.

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

it's toe-tappingly tragic. Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me? This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot.

Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair!

We interrupt this ancient prophecy to bring you a late-breaking bulletin.

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut!

three, two-- Waaah! What the--

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted.

A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender.

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

And now, the host of the 1,074th Academy Awards, Billy Crystal! Now I know how a Pez dispenser feels. You like that one, jack?

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world For you (ALL GASPING)

Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder.

No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

And Super King, the best one of the three!

Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button.

Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil. Bender, lift it up to the can opener. Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs.

Chairman-san, I came here with one goal-- to humiliate Elzar in a large stadium. I believe I've done that. No question.

In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

- Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose! just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me!

What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything.

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really?

He can't hear ya. He's deaf now. Leave Leela alone. She's leading a perfectly normal life. She's not gussied up, duded out, getting down, or where it's at. Now, run along. Thanks, Adlai. I guess you never really outgrow being an eyeball--

Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough. Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

What are those worms doing to Fry's brain? They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power. My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher.

The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing. You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something.

I remember. Too bad he got partially run over by that steamroller. Can I kiss you? First, let me pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming! Ouch! I forgot I was a giant crab!

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop.

There's a window in the closet.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven.

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why? I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for...

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache.

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk.

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset. Okay, sure. But first, this. (BELL DINGS) I hear turkey.

I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

Ladies, here are your demeaning, skimpy stewardess outfits.

Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you!

It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop.

(BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING) Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead?

Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease. (DOORBELL DINGS) Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly.

Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course... for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

The human exhibit has never been so popular, all thanks to your friends. Well, that's that. What do you want to see next? We have a great maritime museum. Shut up, Guenter!

What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight.

Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other? Guenter is my experiment. He was the top-secret contents of this stinking crate. I'd rather live in a crate than share a room with this dork. So what makes Guenter talk?

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

God! We've opened Pandora's fly.

I'll avenge you, master.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad!

Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir?

(BOTH GASPING) My boy! My beautiful boy! One last chance to play, if you're not too tired. Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job! Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles!

- But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela.

I'll never forget you, fish. Come on, loxy lady, it's time for us to get naughty by nature! No! (ALL FISH CLAMORING)

We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald.

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir.

You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude. Well, at least we were hammered! (GROANS) I'm as thirsty as a drunk.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up! No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends,

Why are they booing me, Silicon?

Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news. You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy!

What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby.

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.

And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said. Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business! Why, you-- Helmut Spargle has a message for you!

I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over.

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did. Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

"I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead."

And, Bender, that aerosol head spray... makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got.

and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching? Uh, nothing. Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno.

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

Uh-huh... Ah! And you, Doctor? I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him!

think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy.

Lick my frozen metal ass.

Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What?

- Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there,

Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble. Well, that's the same, but other things are different.

I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny. Look, are you the original were-car or not?

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING)

Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore. Dad! We screwed up!

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Yes? Where's that chicken soup we asked for? Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there. This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating!

"Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something. It's time to shove a jalapeÑo up this ship's tailpipe. Divert power from the shields. Full speed ahead. Oh, yeah.

- Ohhh! - That's fine.

and you're not doing anything to stop it. Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face, everything just makes sense, dude. You mind if I call you dude, princess? Look, I don't want to put a rat in your face-cage, or whatever you kids say nowadays,

Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe. Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other

Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove. This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table.

Not enough-- Duh--

Ow! Come on, Fry! Die with dignity!

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep!

Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H.

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar!

What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab. But will the aliens understand?

So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company.

Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

Cosmic F. Style? Outer space. Special moves? The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G."

(MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport. Oh, yes, I remember that ass. Let's see. Oh, God, no! It was on board the Floatwell!

So, you want to come in maybe? I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it. Don't eat my butt! If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us.

You're all terrible and incompetent.

Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself.

Come on, boy. Giddyup. And that's that. What'd I miss?

And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

We are the robot elders.

I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent.

What? You mean along gender lines? Gender?

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here?

Oh, my God! Are you... God? Possible. I do feel compassion for all living things-- my good chum. But why would God think in binary? Unless... you're not God, but the remains of a computerized space probe...

How do you like me now?!

Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment-- a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor.

That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood...

Oh. That's a little bright. All right. What else we got? Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas.

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at. Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master? Because... my stomach is about to explode.

Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette. That twizzler!

I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC) The veil is lifting.

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him!

Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know. Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan. just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner. Let's see. Oh, yes.

and I'll kill you next year. Aah! Ho, ho, ho!

Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender.

Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads! So long.

We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes?

I know now what my primary function is.

Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

This company's on the fast track to the "It List." Blast fax kudos all around! Uh, hello? We haven't made one delivery since you two took over. Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business. Image, people! Image! Scope out this new ad!

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke

My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes!

I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today.

(ALARM SOUNDING) Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one. COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

If you had kids of your own, you'd understand! Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears!

What are the cigars for? They make me look cool. Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy. So, where are you going to stay?

I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans. Good for you. Now, let's all get back to the ship. What for? We're rescuing you. I don't want to be rescued. Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf!

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me

Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed.

Oh, but I guess we're just two different people. So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff.

Well, how are they? Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them.

Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING)

My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.

Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation. You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot. Whoa! Whoa!

It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already?

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

It's like skateboarding.

How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot? I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya?

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey? Edna!

Observe this two-dimensional egg. If we were in the third dimension, looking down, we'd be able to see an unhatched chick in it, just as a chick inside a three-dimensional egg could be seen by an observer in the fourth dimension. Fourth dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb.

Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh!

Amazing! You multicultural punks just race and tinker all day long? And we rap about our problems. Like, my aunt's neighbor is a hoarder. Stack of magazines fell on her cat. It's hard, you know? Yo, you're not alone. Hey, Professor, that dimensional drift was hot! How'd you rock that?

I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine.

Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems...

Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom.

Wait. What's that sound? Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

Welcome to my life! Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo.

Ohh! Sacred hog of Prague! That was my anniversary gift to La Barbra.

For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game?

The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring.

You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

(GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second, you'll explode and kill everyone here in a fireball of melted gears and splattered bowels!

I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces. What, are you on a diet? - Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose!

You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup? Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go.

Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race? Duh, yeah!

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York.

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me!

I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time.

Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby.

To save yourself or save Leela. One! Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again!

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Aw, who am I kidding? It was stupid of me to ever dream of becoming a chef. I don't have what it takes, and nothing can change that!

(SPEAKS ITALIAN) Never shall I reveal how these wondrous machines fit together!

How deliciously absurd. I shall see you at the premiere.

Oww! The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield,

if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

(RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty? It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words...

As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe.

Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub. I work there as a greeter. Your beast was my chance to be a hero again, but the damn thing was a vegetarian, so I slaughtered the sheep myself. But why did you attack me? So I could impress you by seeking revenge on the creature.

Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy.

Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet.

When the mine caved in, the entrance was blocked by a fusion explosion. Luckily, the miners found safe haven here in the doom chamber.

I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it. Your wheelchair? I don't need a wheelchair! The one with the wheels! Poor flimsy humans. Don't you wish you were flawless like me? A towering inferno of physical perfection?

Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man? Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados. Yes, and I'll be going back there with a gold medal... draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders.

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here.

The big brain is defeated.

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater! (GASPS)

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible!

Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS)

Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning.

But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested.

Two meals in one week?

How was the wedding, Bender? Says who? I didn't witness anything! In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant.

Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit.

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger! Ooh, me next! We just got one of these. Rejected! Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted!

Oh. That's a little bright.

Here, I brought you something. Hurray! We're three friends at the beach! Wait, what's happening, friend? NARRATOR: The female conveys her receptivity through subtle vocalizations. Wanna do it? So soon? Oh, well...

'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV. If it's on TV, it has to be real.

- Er, ohh. - Ohh.

For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan!

Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you. Give me that.

So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked.

O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake!

(SCREAMS) Go, me!

So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me.

Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

(SCREAMING) So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself. I'll use that free app that tells you what restaurants you're near. You mean the window? Yes.

You don't want the Space Pope to see you clamping, now, do you?

Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man! Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume! I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste!

(SNEEZES) Uh-oh!

The name of the game is Candyland.

taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death. Now let us each remember the best things about Bender in our own way. Professor?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Nothing's gonna stop us now And if this world runs out of lovers We'll still have each other

Ooh! Heirloom eggs? That's so life-affirming. I'll bet you run your own hatchery, just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man.

You sure about these-a chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee. It's okay, Mama. Anyone-a complains, I bend legs up for free. Ooh, customers!

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

The biggest, Janos. Check this out. What is that? Some kind of time button? Exactly. If she says yes, I'll use it to make the sunset last as long as we want. Strange things happen when the shadows lengthen. WOMAN: (ON INTERCOM) Janitor to the 237th floor men's room.

Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys. But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps!

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more.

The ship carrying Bender's heinie sank in the treacherous gases of the Sargaseous Sea. Once we locate the wreck... (YELLS) Asteroids!

Uh-- Don't mind if I do.

It'll get there.

That'll be three "pic-a-tures" of George Washington. Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies! You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here.

Ow! Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. just go to the palace, drop it off and come right back. Geez, will you lay off? I was delivering things before you were born. I think I know what I'm doing.

Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh?

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back.

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about?

Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place

Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof... so we could have a heart-to-heart talk. I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president. No! My son will not shame me like this.

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom. My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil? Well, I got a label for you, pal-- an ugly little word called "prejudice."

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other? Guenter is my experiment.

Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy.

Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in?

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.

Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

(GRUNTS) Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so.

Now who's in the lead? Seriously, I have no idea.

We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing.

I warned you not to use those things! Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined. Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness.

See you later, crab cakes.

I spent all night on that. It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? Let the hunt begin!

Well, I showed you.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Just stop, you two! I've had that reed for 20 years! It's irreplaceable! (GRUNTS) I want my dollar! Sean? What the heck are you doing, you moron? A little drinking, a little fighting. Get off my back.

Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature. I just wanted to get rid of it. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolemite, there's a slim chance it might have survived. So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby! Then I'm going in after him!

It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on.

Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

And so, I set sail for unknown shores. Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

Liftoff! I'll roger that. Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

Hey, that's terrific. To celebrate, I'm gonna stick seven copies of my latest cookbook on your bill. Bless you, sir. So, Bender, tell us about this new girlfriend of yours. I intend to, through the lost art of the toast. To Angleene! She's got it all--

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done. You're the best around and nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the beSt around

Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

Bender, hurry up! This one is really good. But I can still do better. Who are you people? Why are you attacking my ego? You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen. You see, I was once like the rest of my species,

Whoever's in here deserves a chance at life. A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man, like I did as a baby. And so I make this solemn vow to do everything I can to make sure this wonderful, innocent creature enters this world happy, healthy, and...

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed.

Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"?

Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender! And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me

It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble. Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look! Schlock and more schlock. Psst. Is the coast clear? Button your yap, you mug.

This man has over-gasped.

Let's recap what's happened so far. As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe.

Look it up. ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace.

Leela, I think you're missing the big picture. When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy?

I'll never have another moment of happiness. I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry. I'm sure the professor can clone you a new nose. Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose.

I don't even want to... why is...

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip.

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

(ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

(SHUDDERS) I am experiencing arousal. My organs are moving into position.

Don't worry, now, Amy.

(GIGGLING) Sorry, Bev, but I ain't cut out for fatherhood.

What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC--

Thank God this log is sturdy.

In a few seconds, the brains will finish scanning... the last bits of information in the universe. Beavers mate for life. Eleven greater than four. For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

No, it's what makes you you.

(GUN COCKING) (BOTH SCREAM) Um, Leela, remember when we were trying to guess what would happen if someone stuck a gun in my face, and you said I'd probably crap my pants? Well... Excuse me, sir? We're not actually Blips or Cruds. We're delivery people, here to deliver this crate. So if everything seems to be in order, we'll be on our way, a'ight?

And it's straight! Coilette wins! Another gold medal for the spunky maid from Robonia! Ow! A perfect bend and a flawless entry. No splash at all!

Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo!

And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

Aw, I got a chipmunk. LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Squidification? If you say so.

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl? That's not a reputable journal of opinion. That's also for Seymour.

Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Yeah. Where can we find food here in the woods? How about that kabuki theater?

The Central Bureaucracy maintains records on all bureaucrats. We should be able to look up Inspector 5. Application for ingress approved. And the other potential entrant? He's my pencil sharpener. You betcha! (WHIRRING)

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird?

There's no part of that sentence I didn't like.

(GRUNTING) (PANTING)

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate?

You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES)

When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment, keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs. The human exhibit has never been so popular, all thanks to your friends. Well, that's that. What do you want to see next?

No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah! Oh!

I could take him or leave him.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah.

Ow! Ahh! You want make love, not war? Jawohl. This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors. So be it. In recognition of your overwhelming victory,

This sounds like a job for--

Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job!

Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me!

The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave. Without a working one, we have no hope of returning to the future.

(GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button.

That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all.

It takes more than that to make me think. Now, hand it over. Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all.

Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things.

So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work. Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane.

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House! So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger?

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?

That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez.

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"?

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck. Darling, Hubie I should never have tried to tamper with that cute little Q.T. McWhiskers. No, it was silly of me to object.

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one.

Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit. I can't ask for his help because--

(SHIP POWERING DOWN) What's happening? The ship's lost power! Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard!

But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you? I give up. You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you.

Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver.

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry!

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash?

Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender!

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

That's impossible, because my time is worthless. Oh. Well, then there is one thing. It's the note I found with Leela the day she was abandoned. But it's written in Alienese, so no one on Earth can translate it. Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over! Sure. I just wish I could be more helpful.

N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor."

No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth. And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

Good, 'cause I'm sick of him. (ALL LAUGHING) I'm serious. He's a terrible person.

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island.

Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby.

"A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

(GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screaming in agony. (SNIFFLING) I hope so.

Let the bloodbath begin!

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus.

I'm startin' to remember why I fell for you in the first place. So, she's fallin' for Flexo, eh? I'd better seduce her a little more, just to be sure. Well, it's late. I should get home to my trailer. I'll walk you out. After all, a true gentlemen tends to his date's every need.

Stop yelling at me!

Now, a short film about those pitiable creatures so in need of our charity. NARRATOR: Far beneath the everyday rumble of limousines and poodle feet,

Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas.

Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

Oh, g-give me back my hands!

Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived...

500 bucks. Done. Zapp Brannigan okay? No. 600. Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private?

Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts.

- And then we can go home. - Hit it. MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive If robot can survive They may find

Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin. Stop it. Stop it. It's fine.

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset?

Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother!

(GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

(GRUNTS) (GROANS) Help! Boy trapped in ice! Oh! Thank you, thank you.

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits.

Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress. The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant, evil brain... with a gooey center of pure hate. Only Fry, with his superior yet inferior mind, can approach it. You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me. No, we can't.

Aye, until MacZongo here shot 'em all into extinction, he did. Now we've got more livestock than we can slaughter. Aye, 'tis a bonnie time to be an ignorant villager. We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here. Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet.

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died!

You stood by me and exposed my private medical records, even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks. Now, get up to that podium and change the world. Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender. You must be pretty glorked off. Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change.

Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion? Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before.

You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca.

They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo.

It varies from person to person. Ooh! Hmm. Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour?

Oh, sorry. 109. We'll check it again at halftime. You home from school, you traitor? I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door.

The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights.

Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight.

Conquer Earth, us bastards!

I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do? Uh, I can't stand to see a robot cry.

Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

(KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

Business is great. Great is okay, but amazing would be great. Please, don't push. There's hot dogs for everyone. Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered?

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods.

You see, this space whale feeds on obsession. Wow. Are you gross looking. Go on. The great space serpent... Mammal. ...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

light up a smoke.

someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up.

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most...

You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter--

(GASPING) (GAGGING)

Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure.

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

Ah, yes, the bag. I've never understood people's fascination with that. The point is, I'm an actor and nothing more. I have no interest in being admired for something as inconsequential as my appearance or my personal life. All that truly matters is the process.

They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that.

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

Brace yourself-- for when I speak these words, you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is--

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes.

What? What's going on here? Wow! Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body.

Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up.

Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you.

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven.

Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo.

I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh...

I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged. There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine?

What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about?

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has. Look at these tracks.

I heard you from my room. What's wrong? Nothing. It's just... No, Leela. I don't want to see tears in your perfect eye. Please. Is it about the fate of our people? Because I'm very interested in that.

Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again.

Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

my good chum. But why would God think in binary?

Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable! Today, I actually blended in with a crowd! Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard. Aah! Whoo!

Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do. I defy you not to watch. A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all.

...Some of that special sauce. Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out.

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me!

Ah, that must be my old boss. Hello, Leela. You're fired. I know. I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point. Let the games begin!

Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine. Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century!

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent.

I'm going to allow this.

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself.

It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better. The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect...

Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human.

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Surely you know McNeal.

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer.

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this.

Sewer mail! He's single. I don't care if that operation will only delay the tentacles.

Welcome back the bed-wetter of Building D, Turanga Leela.

I can't see from down here, I can't! There. Today's story is from Muteen Magazine. Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi? I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see.

For this demonstration - I've placed one of Mother's bras on ignor. The robot controller is nestled here in the left cup.

This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"? Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A,"

(ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

Uh... Half a cake. (BELCHES) Very well. Morris, Munda,

I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals.

Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said. Let's try again, but this time, everyone cram into my time shelter. Wow. LEELA: Nice. It's coated with antichroniton-resistant grout to shield you from the effects of the button.

You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun?

What? I'm in the middle of something. But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act? Bender, enough! Leave me alone!

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep! Come on, Nibbler! Ma'am, I have a late entry.

Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw! (PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me.

I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff.

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

(ZAPP GRUNTING)

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy?

(GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat! There's a duo here to rescue us! How dynamic are they? Not very. Go about your business, citizens. Well, back to being the subject of gruesome genetic experiments, old chum.

Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but--

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender. Ah, that hit the spot.

you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

You, minion, lift up my arm. After him!

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

You couldn't afford it, honey. Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty. Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you.

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar. We did it!

A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

Finally, the sacred texts were banned. The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way.

What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do?

I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure.

Huh? Huh? So, what do you think? I know you spent a lot of money on this place, Fry but it's awfully primitive.

Because I don't like being used.

Well, time for this robot to get back to work. Ah... Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor. Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way.

Nice work, butterball. You know, I was in Italy last week. (GASPS)

I'm the monster. (PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender?

Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots. Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) (ALL EXCLAIM) Whoa. Wow. AMY: A whole forest grew overnight.

What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

Turn down the TV, Ndunda. Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector.

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this.

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax.

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

(STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec. (STRAINING) I still can't do it. Well, what do you know? I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot!

This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death!

It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use. WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by When hope was high and life worth living

Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS)

File not found. Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot. Joey Clamps, Donnie B.

A man can give her a toke of her own medicine.

If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed! Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer. That device was a gift from my ancestors. Go on. It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing. Of course! Having no mouths or ears, they could only communicate through motions.

Is Nibbler stoked for the big pet show? He oughta be, with all the strict training I've been putting him through. Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham.

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first.

That was a hell of a massage. Maybe the best that ever was. Say, where are we? (GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you?

What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Now I'm more interested in that new pizza parlor across the street. Kind of makes me pine for my days as a pizza delivery boy. "Here's your pizza," I'd say. "I didn't order any," they'd say. And then I'd be off to my next adventure. That story stunk. Hand me the binoculars.

but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation...

One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so...

You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you!

Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class. Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit. The Queen? Sounds most satisfactory. All of you, out! Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is. Presenting the Queen of England,

Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS) Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated!

I'm going to relax by the fire with my bag off, so that will be all for the night. By your command. Come to paparazzo. (GASPS)

Was that original or the remake?

Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof!

Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool. Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder.

Kappa Kappa Wong.

Silicon Red, everyone. (SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well

You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

You guys interested? I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in! Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed.

While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation. It being the celebration of your planet's millennium,

A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe

Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

Bender, lift it up to the can opener. Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires.

How do you do? Hmm.

I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes.

Go to hell, Heather!

Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy.

Stand back! I'm a toolbot. You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind.

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man!

Sounds like fun on a bun!

Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad? Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

Everyone out of my body, or the brain gets it! He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow!

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so.

Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not. What?

Well, let's get looting.

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before...

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward.

Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to your robot. Daddy, I love you. (CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for.

How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow! The takeover of Planet Express is approved! Ah, man! This stinks! Madam is outraged! Security! I want that bunch of rowdies out of here!

The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going.

So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe... Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now

Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward?

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

(CROWD CHEERING) Bendee-Bendee-Boo!

This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor.

Then along came Bender.

One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich! (DINGING)

Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this!

Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

I'll just be another 20 minutes.

What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know. This is surreal.

Oh. Edna, of all the slimy, gross crab monsters on this planet you are apparently the hottest. Oy. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Yes, well, excuse me. I've got to powder my mouth flaps. Uh, me, too.

Stands back. I'm gonna puts my moves on her. Whoa-oh-oh-ohs!

You're a grade-B actor who died and was immediately forgotten. Leela! That's not very nice. You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago. The sad fact is, we should have left you dead, because you can't possibly do a scene like this.

It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

Wha-- Oh, right.

Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that. Hey! Betsy! This is my sweet little Betsy.

Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action. So, you grow hemp. Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you.

(DOGS BARKING) (WHIMPERING)

Vijay Patel and his calculator space hat! Whoo! Whoo! And now, the grand prize winner whose experiment will be launched into space...

What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

And, Morris, I fell in love with your honesty and humility.

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh--

So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

Leela, you've got mail. It's not spam. Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me.

Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy! Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges!

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland. That poor turtle.

Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy. This solar system is, like, way old! Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash!

he would testify that my clients acted without malice. No, he wouldn't. Bender doesn't care about us anymore. (ALL GASP) Someone used to care about me? Hooray! In that case, the jury will begin its deliberations. Bailiff, release the jury collies.

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise. For you finding me in the refrigerator! True. But at least I don't have the hiccups anymore.

You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care.

Oh! My eye! I'm blind!

(GRUNTING) Pitiful and sickening. Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done. My best wasn't good enough.

(ALL SCREAMING) I knew this final invention would be a humdinger. Yes. We three idiots will finally have our revenge!

Maybe the best that ever was. Say, where are we? (GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

What is? General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this.

I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

No! Ow! Fire hot!

Good news, everyone. He's made a complete recovery.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up.

Death to the men!

All hail the Metal Lord! So hailed! Mm. Those peewees think I'm God, huh? Hard to blame 'em.

possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements. Your Honor, the state's case contains not one Kentucky kernel of truth,

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of.

I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh!

I will destroy you! And stop calling me.

I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know.

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

Ah! Don't worry. I'll drop the anchor. She's diving into the fourth dimension. We have to cut the rope.

All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING) (ALL GASP) Ah, look at the cute little... Aah!

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like--

I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother.

Ow! Thanks, Leela, he just needed a little extra push. Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere.

- You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy? They're paid to not kill me. Alley-oop! Hey, come out of there!

Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad.

But Boston's 300 miles away, and Bender kicked our horse to death. We'll never get there in time. Unless you have another invention up your sleeve. Hmm... How is this going to get us to Boston?

Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling. I owe it all to you. There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it.

No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

So every religion is wrong!

Ooh, that's snug.

Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream. Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium. It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Steim. Shalosh!

mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal--

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Dork calling Orson! Dork calling Orson!

There it is, the edge of the universe.

Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from--

Fry, sometimes in close quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it. I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters" I mean this office. Uh-huh. And by "people," I mean you. Right. And by "inconsiderate," I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV.

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do

I can move again. My music career is over. Bender, I don't claim to understand "the biz," but wouldn't being able to move help your music career? No! Don't you see?

Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy. It's that jerk from the truck stop.

Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled.

Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you. Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

Then it's a date. I'll see you at spawning time. No, thanks. I've already found my mate. You haven't ignored the last of me. (ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try. Ugh!

As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math,

has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president. Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator...

Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this?

(PULSING) Here's the deal. We'll induce a dream state in which Fry will reenact the day of December 31, 1999. The rest of us will watch everything on this monitor. Will I have pants on in this dream? Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper.

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone, to nurse us through this catastrophe. (GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out?

Darling, will I marry you? Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp. (SMOOCHING) I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot.

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing. ...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95? Yes, please.

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

so long as they only wear light, skimpy outfits. It's a necessity of the sport, it is.

Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch.

Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great. All right, let's get to work.

my parents are up there, looking down on me.

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. (ELECTRONIC WARBLING) We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

I am partied out! Dang. Sorry we missed it. We could have another one, if it would make you guys feel better. Really? No, that's not necessary. Hit it, Bender! Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy

Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks.

No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal.

May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo!

Gravity normal. Air returning. Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate.

It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand. He would never hurt people.

What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch.

Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps?

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins. Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender.

Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us! Don't feel sad, my little tadpole. I'm trying not to,

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent.

I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me? Oh, no! Go to commercial.

Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

He's patient, he's not afraid to show his emotions... Don't look at me! ...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy. I could take him or leave him. I'm back for my son!

Oh! What a weird dream. I'll never get back to sleep.

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey? Leela, I knew I could never make it up to you, so I did the next best thing. I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through.

Well, let's at least throw this TV out. The batteries in the remote are getting low.

Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad.

We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network. Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV? Yes, I can.

I'd like that. Oh! What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you? Also Pisces. We're all Pisces. Then it's a date. I'll see you at spawning time. No, thanks. I've already found my mate.

What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

Running off, eh? You're pathetic! You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche?

I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes the way I used to. Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.

What the hell was that? Phew! I don't believe it. It's dark matter. So this guy just unloaded a steaming pile of starship fuel? His species must have filled the entire planet with it.

Phew! I don't believe it. It's dark matter. So this guy just unloaded a steaming pile of starship fuel? His species must have filled the entire planet with it. Did you do that, you cute little-- Come on. That should be more than enough fuel to get us out of here.

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio.

Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting? The very instant I became old.

Come on. You can do it. Go on, you dummy. Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care

- I'm makin' you my new vice chairman. - Wahoo! I'm rollin' up the corporate ramp! It's the end of the line. We're ruined! What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives. I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not. What is this, high school?

Brace yourself for the worst. And yet he looks so natural. What's happening? He's hooked up to a life-support system. We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him.

Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this?

Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah! I knew Bender would turn up purely by coincidence.

By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop!

Look, hoss, your wife threw you out. That's your license to be a jerk. Do whatever the hell you want, then walk away and light a cigar.

With that big new Romanticorp contract, I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about.

Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

Haile H. Selassie!

Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.

How about a few words, Professor? I said "words." Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film.

(GROWLS AND GALLOPING) Oh, God, I'm having a Serengeti flashback. Die, you dirty giraffe! (SCREECHING) Well, I got it. Now what, Captain?

Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top.

Great idea. We can only hope. This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out. Hi. Enough of your mindless chitchat. Let's get going. Jah damn it, we're stuck.

A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote.

(ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

Michelle! Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa!

Oh, we're doomed! Every year we're doomed. Thanks be I had these bulletproof shutters installed. Whoa! Aah!

We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy.

Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie... the professor, as current C.E.O., remains--

But don't worry - be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me.

Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry!

Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around?

Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel. Hey, according to the Scab Handbook, that's extremely inappropriate banter. And that's just the way I like it.

Just stop, you two!

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy.

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

(CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for. Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No!

Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

Gunnery Chief Bender, blast us out of quarantine. Aye, aye, lady! Oh, fiddlepoop!

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around?

Uh-oh, a fork in the path. There's more places to hide in that dark forest. On the other hand, I could run faster through that open meadow. But of course, the forest might protect my fair robot skin from sunburn. Hmm...

But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

Thank God this log is sturdy.

I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Who are you? I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life.

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes.

I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Get back to work!

I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh! Killed? In an atomic blast?

there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

Ahh, beer. So many choices-- and it makes So little difference. How about LÖbrau? It has dots on it. Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years?

You see, as I age, I've been shrinking and feeling colder. So now I need twice as many sweaters, in a smaller size. First, I scan the old sweater. Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do.

Good night, employees. Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

Zooka barooka! First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food! Five hundred dollars, you say? Dog food, you say?

Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects. So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.

You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids?

You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly!

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it!

You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender?

Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning. (BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best.

Have you reached a verdict? Indeed. After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as... Wait. The Donbot is innocent. (ALL GASP) Calculon, who is that escorting you?

Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing!

They know how to make ice cream soup?

was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go.

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone

I'm sorry. I'm probably just making you feel worse. As long as Amy is with me in my heart, I will have the strength of two. Apparently, Amy hasn't been working out much lately.

The loot! The loot! The loot is on fire! Leela! My precious rock dove! I'll save you!

Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on.

Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory. Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now? You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie!

I took a nappie!

Hermes, old pal. Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago, you said you hated me. Time heals all wounds. You know what? I will help you, but only to prove I'm not just a paper-pushing file jockey. Will you be taking your portable filing cabinet? None of your beeswax.

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting.

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing! Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking.

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance.

Professor, I'll take care of that waste for $499 and 100 cents. Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience.

And finally, today is Mother's Day a sentimental occasion when robots honor Mom the beloved owner of Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Across Earth, robots built in Mom's factories are buying thoughtful gifts for the sweet old tycoon who brought them into the world.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

How about we kill you again?

Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver.

Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up? Well, now what are we going to do?

What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please.

This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe. This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"?

I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes-- theft of money.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back after these messages.

Watch it, you stumblebums.

Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp! - Really? - Whaaa--- Aha! I was using that!

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course!

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my-- Gotcha.

Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

And if you don't get it on the second take, you're fired. Let's take five, people. (BELL RINGS) Second take?

(SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house.

Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then. No. I have a duty not to look.

Well, here goes nothing.

But how is that possible?

(PANICKED CLAMORING) Where'd it go? I thought we installed alien-proof air vents! It's on my list.

Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth.

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules.

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay.

Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either.

These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool!

Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure. Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping.

I must leave you now, for I am not holy enough to enter. Okay. Looks rickety. We better test it.

Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then? It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window.

Bender, how did you get in here? As your agent, I have access to you at all times. Since when are you my agent? Quiet! Call comin' in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel.

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo. Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online.

We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit.

How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half. I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner... and the first half of a movie.

I'm 60% storage space.

Psst. Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club? Sure, why not? (GASPS) No time! I've found a clue that could unlock all the secrets of history.

(SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. Shut your nose. It's just the shrimp cart.

Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either.

In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine. That's the gentle, sensitive, poet warlord I fell in love with.

Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes! (INCESSANT NOISE CONTINUES) Oh! Good, Leela, you're here. I'd like to describe my foot pain.

Good. This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium.

It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

Will I have pants on in this dream? Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up. Now remember, while you're in the dream, it's critical that you locate the source of the music. Ready to go to sleep? Almost. Can I have some milk and cookies first?

Good riddance. What about my service?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) I like it.

There. We can make these into spears. And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows. And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action! I like ice cream. And I like lollipops.

Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano.

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

I like to kick 'em when they're down.

Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent!

Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks. Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos? Oh, Land o' Goshen.

Sir? You seem pretty stable. Have you thought about adopting one of our kids? Sure haven't. Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really?

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later. That is completely reckless. Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no. If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000.

Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves. Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good. (FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad. Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again!

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die! How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness.

(ALL STRAINING) I'm enjoying the casino business. You meet a lot of colorful characters. Okay, you're good to go. Get this bubba dump out of here.

and he has absolutely no brain activity.

What a lonely life.

Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin! So why are these Brain Spawn attacking Earth, Nibbler? The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness.

Up next, the award for Best Delivery Boy, Newspaper, Phone Book, or Miscellaneous. Miscellaneous, that's me. The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to...

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time.

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak. Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me! (SCREAMING)

Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me. Quick!

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife. Not now! Hyper-malaria can lie dormant for years. Isn't that what you said? It sounds like something I would say.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that. Ahh.

The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion.

You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING) (CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself.

Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient! Hmm. He's a witch!

But existing is basically all I do!

Is it part of the opera? Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked. This has to be perfect. I want you to hear exactly what I hear when I think about you.

but most folks just call me Old Man.

I'm using it whether you give me permission or not. Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts,

Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

She's the best thing that ever happened to me. We had a wonderful night of love-making in my dumpster. ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench? Because, my friends, she has no sense of smell. That explains it.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body. Hey, you look me in the shins and say that. Hey, I've had it up to here with this place. I'm off to the head museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats.

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher.

Okay, Fry here's the package to deliver. And for once in your life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. Ow! Don't touch anything or talk to anyone.

People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight.

Whoa! Hyah! Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

(ALL CHEERING) Say more things like that. Okey doke.

Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

You, my metal friend, will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans. Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown. As for you, you will be submerged in royal Slurm, which, in a matter of minutes will transform you into a Slurm queen like myself.

Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps.

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

(GROANS) Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said.

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence?

I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do.

May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants.

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS)

Welcome to Stampytown, population five. And now for the finishing touch.

So, uh, anyway, my daughter's Clobberella. Leela is Clobberella? You're pullin' me! Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

I will now perform my people's native dance.

Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes!

Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow! Don't worry.

It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der!

And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet. Options?

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted.

Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks! Oh, no! The monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room! Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out.

Tell him, Leela. Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is...

We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too.

The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets.

Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings.

just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here! Over here! Let the hunt begin!

Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving.

Mmm! Damn good meat.

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on!

Don't do that! What are you--

Oh, no, you didn't.

If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want--

Merry college registration day, everyone! (SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away.

"Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

It's a video will. It shows you killing him. All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me.

(SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back?

Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES) Next up, the Planet Expresses ship. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker!

I can finally afford my speech therapy. And the health plan covers my generic Prozac. Electricity, plumbing, our lives are a jillion times better. And it's all thanks to you, Leela. Don't thank me. I should be punished. I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson.

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

Prosecutor, your opening statement? Yeah, honey, I'll be home for dinner. The prosecution rests, Your Honor. Very well. We will reconvene when the jury reaches a verdict.

Aw. I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant.

Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police.

Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry!

(ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police! You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor.

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat. You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug!

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING)

Hey, look at Nibbler! Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented. You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!

Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray! And don't eat it. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute! Whoo-hoo!

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you.

Counsel, you may address the court on behalf of Earth, if you're ready. I was hatched ready. Honorable judge Heads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag. I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right. Your Honor, freedom of speech applies...

Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww, and one regular-sized condom.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this.

(ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor.

Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer.

Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that.

Here he is! Come and get him!

Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow! Oops!

Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

Oh, we're trapped.

He must've gone back there to defile it with his nudity! Come on, hurry! (GROANING) Why are you so eager to find the Professor, Fry? Aren't you mad at him? Of course I'm mad. That's been established. I just want to find him for Gram-gram and Shabba-doo's sake.

Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours, but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended.

Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am. Jackie Jr.'s my apprentice. I figure if he's gonna work here, he might as well get to know the team. - Who's she? - I don't know.

Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter. You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset,

WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by When hope was high and life worth living I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving (SCREAMING) What the hell is that?

Same here. You guys are all right.

And now, Chairman koji will present... the theme ingredient to be used in every dish today. If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke.

Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries. Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no. Oh, my.

Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo. They used for everything-- meat, milk, and the shells make good rowboat. I broke your television.

Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe. Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design.

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles.

No! I won't go back! I won't...

Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

Huh? At last, our centuries upon centuries of waiting have achieved fruition. Aw, aren't you a fuzzy wittle guy. Stop that! Uh, please, Your Mightiness. "Mightiness"? Are you off your nut?

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry.

So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one.

Which is good because we don't intend to pay The elves are back to work today Hooray! We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts And the labor isn't easy

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

While the Beachmaster enjoys the spoils of victory... Whoo! I'm doin' it in my sleep! The lesser males languish at the edge of the colony, unable to attract their own harem due to age... Harem? I can barely see 'em! Immaturity... (GIGGLES) I'm scared. Or other reasons.

You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary?

I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess,

(IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner?

Oh, no! I'm boned!

(HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!

Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks? Who put this in here?

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no! For the last time, I'm not obsessed.

Horsie to Pointy Guy Six. Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys!

Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot.

You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great.

We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

I find the defendant guilty.

Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine.

Nice hat! (ALL WHOOPING) But, at long last, this invention will show you. It will show you all! Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine! And I helped!

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man. Whoo! What was that? Did everything just jump around or did my brain just stroke off there for a second?

Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope. Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show!

Well, it was a spectacular battle,

Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus. Wait! Stop!

Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat.

I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

Bender, quick! Waggle something! Uh-- Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist. Hey, a phone booth.

Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

(YOWLS) They're at it again. Please, Fry. Girlfriends always talk trash to each other. Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem. Exactly.

Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

I got it! I got it! Um, when you're writin' the Bible, you might want to omit that last miracle.

Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

Put it back in me!

I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing

We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon, industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy?

But why would it be so important to stop Nixon? Because of the horrific events he's going to set in motion. (SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it. Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say? Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say? It wasn't by themselves. I put them there.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha!

Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir.

Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu,

I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about!

Ow, oh, ooh, eh!

Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything. My legs!

We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore. It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there.

I got your page, Mr. Fry. Your new hair is ready.

We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo!

All we care is we have grandchild now. You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong. Hey, you call her "Grandma" now. Call me Grandma like crazy-- all the time. Check it out, y'all. Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts.

Ever heard of the Future Crimes Division? Tomorrow, I have. LEELA: Oops. I can't make out a thing.

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch. Ow! My finger. I wish I remembered more survival skills from Boy Scouts.

(DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four.

Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.

Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute.

Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir.

Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin? (GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl.

(PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis?

I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is.

Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth.

(BELL TOLLING) Nope. (BIRD CHIRPING) Nope. (BABY MOBILE TINKLING) Man, I always wanted to ride in that stroller. But nope. Where could I have heard that music? Yo, Cosmic F. What up? Hey, my old break dancing crew. I haven't seen you guys in years.

And don't skimp on the nasty.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY) Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine.

What's happening? Holy shoot! Looky! The enemy, they're balls! Ow! Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right.

No, me. Over here. I wanna hold him. Its anus looks like an asterisk. Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat!

You call that a kiss? I'll show you! Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish...

In the time it would take to pronounce one letter of my true name, a trillion cosmoses would flare into existence and sink into eternal night. Oh, you're all so cute! No, we're not. We Nibblonians are an ancient and powerful race. Behold-- When the universe was forged in the crucible of the big bang,

Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know.

Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing.

(LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then,

Yes, but you only stamped it four times.

You're one to talk!

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry--

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders.

He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

Go away. Whoa, hold on.

Come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money.

Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

Hold this, your highness. You'll need to award it to me again in a minute. (BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING)

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh!

No problem. Play the ball!

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke. It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again. Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him?

No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake!

I call it a Hawking Hole.

Get up, Bender.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

(CROWD APPLAUDING) As Mayor, it is my deeply tedious pleasure to kick off the 83rd or 84th Annual E-Waste Recycling Festival! (CHEERING) Down in front! Sorry. I get aroused in crowds.

'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door! Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend.

Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief. I'll show you what I got in stock. I remember this from when we were kids. The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat. I'm Albert. Kind of fatty.

Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING) Whew! That was close.

Nibbler, help! Don't leave me here!

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple.

Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base. Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending. You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I? Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need to bend...

We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

Lousy, stinking rip-off.

Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then. (PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture.

Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade. Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich.

We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge.

Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy. Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble.

Now, that's a pun.

True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating. Voila!

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

You see, the active ingredient in my Good News herbal supplement grows only on Omicron Persei 8. And due to the embargo, the only place to get it is straight from the source. The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy.

Hurray! (SIGHS) I was going to tan once. What do you say, Johnny? It's on me. Thank you, Hubert. (WHOOPING)

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets.

Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One. Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world.

$4.3 billion. To Fry.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot. just tell me why?

Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor... Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment. You're looking less nuts, crabby.

Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead, I did find a new outlook on life. It's precious and sacred. And you only get so many millions of years on this Earth. So, let's get brick-faced!

'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did.

What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now.

This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998. And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs. Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely.

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise.

Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza. Okay, but I'm only doing this so people will take my head seriously as an actress. Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course.

Ugh. Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death.

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000.

Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again.

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults.

It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name. Ew! There. That time I left both lanterns in place.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker! It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im!

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

Funny, funny stuff. My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160,

Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter.

So, uh, anyway, my daughter's Clobberella. Leela is Clobberella? You're pullin' me! Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God!

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

"Tokens only." How does this work?

Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see,

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you!

Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?! Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam?

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

No, but thanks to the damned butterfly nectar they've been swilling, they might as well be. (BURPING) The nectar causes their bodies to produce female butterfly hormones, building up their flapping muscles, but also making them irresistibly attracted to Fry.

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid."

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING) Uh. How you get frozen? I don't know. I think I whanged my head pretty bad.

Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Wong. I'll get your cattle back or die trying. Hey, we can't lose. No, Kif. It's too risky. You don't have to do this to prove your manliness. Oh, yes, he does. Here are your mounts.

I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner. Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub.

Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out!

Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants!

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds.

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH)

And so, before the Lord and this congregation, we upgrade him to man-bot. Can I get a mazel tov? ALL: Mazel tov! Mazel tov! I'd like to thank the preacher-bot for the introduction and also for not circumcising me again, am I right?

Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING)

You can count on us, Professor. We'll get that monument here in time... ALL: Hooray! ...or die trying. What?

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu!

Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry.

than laugh and clap my hands. Reschedule.

Hey, Flatso, how do we get out of this two-bit dimension? There's a simple answer for that. We can't. (ALL GASP) But on the upside, we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble.

I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second. I move that we vote on... a new chief executive officer and oust this old creep! And also that my cat smells good and is pretty. Second.

The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar?

They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer. Oh, no, Poor Bender. I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit!

We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged.

If you want to steal my girl, you'll have to fight me for her. Stop playing that lovely song and put up your dukes! (GRUNTS) Fry, there's nothing to be jealous of. I've been sitting here paying my bills online. (BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar!

Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help. The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery! I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli.

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

Another hour, and I would've thought about hanging up.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.! Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak. Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost!

Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys.

But-- But-- I love you so much, Angleene, I want you to be happy, no matter what. But what are you sayin'? I'm sayin' I've got an unbendable girder to bend.

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95. That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?!

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better.

Smart and cute. What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here.

Lousy arm must be rigged. That's her, Officers. That's the woman who programmed me for evil.

I want my Earth shows! These local programs are completely unwatchable. Hey, Pops, want to play skull ball? I'm watching something here. (SIGHS)

with proud, upthrust bosoms.

I think we got ourselves an excess of chronitons in the subatomic interstices. Yes. I see. Something involving that many big words could easily destabilize time itself. Is that a problem? Indeed so. At this rate, by Tuesday it will be Thursday. By Wednesday, it will be August.

This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No!

Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing. All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender!

Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely. I, I've never seen anything like this.

Task completed. Total value, $4.73 and one Albanian lek. Very good, Robot 1-X. - And you, Bending Unit? - Uh, I never got the change. Suckers.

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three! Firing torpedo number three.

Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh?

(LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest! That offer was for a limited time only. (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why?

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news.

What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine! Really, it's the steward's fault. Excellent choice, sir.

I gotta get outta here! Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi. No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly.

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

I can't even buy one measly masterpiece! Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter, surrounded by bums who eat garbage?

Great cow of Moscow!

Ah! Time for the mornings meltsdowns. (BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES)

what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

I'm on loan from the Louvre.

At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow.

Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete!

I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really.

Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will. Well, I'm rich.

Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants. "The British attack has begun. "Cross the river and watch for my signal." I must ride. (HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

(BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri! Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes!

The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now. Aha!

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married.

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy.

He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God. Oh, how convenient. A theory about God... that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work! That telescope is as much mine as anybody's. I'm using it whether you give me permission or not.

Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer...

Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet. So thirsty... then he tastes it.

This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research.

It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

One, two! one, two, three!

So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh?

No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Who dares laugh at the jesters of dunk? We came to terrify and humiliate you, not tickle your funny bones. Watch as I embarrass your civilization... by passing the ball to Curly joe... only to have it remain in my hands with elastic!

Next up, challenger Bender,

I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous

BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

We're just trying to be cool like Bender. Yeah. And it's not even working. Smoking and drinking make us barf. Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary! Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff.

Snu-snu. Snu-snu.

These conditions are deplorable.

(TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out. Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty.

Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time... to tell you of the many ways I love you. Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever. Dear God!

We now go live to the delivery room,

You can't hit what you can't see. Ow!

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

I gotta go poopy.

Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

I could make the costumes. I have an old five megawatt broadcasting tower in the attic. And I-- I could be an acting coach! Let's put on a show!

That is my job!

I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What? Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place.

If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again.

It does sort of class-up the place.

Everyone suit up. We're off to the most romantic city on earth.

It's coated with antichroniton-resistant grout to shield you from the effects of the button. Come on. Get in. Hurry up. Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

(LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon. The correct answer is "very." All right, Professor,

Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror!

Huh? I choose to not understand these signs.

What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose. Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade.

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

You've gone too far this time. All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted.

Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected. Quick, into the ship's panic room! I didn't know we had a panic room.

Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with.

Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor. Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served.

Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it! Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25!

and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there. (BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth. (ALL GASPING)

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that?

Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful. So, when Umbriel first brought home this carpetbagger I was agin' it but damn if ol' legs here ain't grown on me! Aw, shucks, Colonel.

What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope?

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them. As we sail down the river of Slurm you'll see our mixologists at work.

And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve?

Did you say extra-crispy recipe?

Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey.

(ALL CLAMORING) My lucky shoe! Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF)

Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented.

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying. It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. - You speak English? - I do now.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die. NIXON: Cut the waterworks, hippie! The final decision will be made not by me, but by a cold, logical machine. Who shall live and who shall die? Step right up to the contrabulous choose-matron!

This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die.

Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number.

This is the happiest day of my life. Mmm! Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining.

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone? Wait. If we could build an object

Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

I've never seen her in person before. $100,000. Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500.

Dream on, skin tube.

I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING) I'm coming, darling! I shouldn't, but who's counting? Help! Fish police!

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody. The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg.

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up.

Classic move. Aw, yeah.

Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral.

In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil. Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart. And you all do the same. Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight. You guys are dating? Oh, no, no.

"Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that.

Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

Man, the future is a total craphole,

Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

I think I'll steal that and do an experiment that's slightly less very stupid. But that's my idea. You are an evil, evil nerd. Gedgie out. We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING)

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny? Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts. I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord!

just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it. And so, a thousand years later, fry once again infiltrated the Info-Sphere and set off his amazing bomb. Only this time--

The high gravity must be slowing down his looting. Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil.

Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all--

Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could--

You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are?

I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all--

Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really. Miniskirts? That sounds familiar. Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world.

Evidently not. Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted.

The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD. Fry, you dope.

So fresh and musty.

I am the whale! See? Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING)

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

but I'm still a human being, more or less. Singing butts boil? That's yesterdays's news. Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway. Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation.

Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet.

Shmeezus, it's hot! Why'd I have to invent that awful device? (CRYING) (HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil. It's how it's used. Like the death ray. Maybe you're right.

Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law--

I guess we'd better get back to the third dimension after all. Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. (ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science! If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him!

You can. All you have to do is wake up. No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream! Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive!

Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point. What we need is an old-fashioned pine tree. Cram it, Virginia.

Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you.

Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner. (SIGHS) It's hopeless.

Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here. I tell you, they're not evil.

How about a few words, Professor?

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on?

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him.

Ooh. Who is it?

Well, the doomsday device is ready. Maybe blasting this quadrant of space... into a hellstorm of flaming nothingness will cheer me up a little. Okay. Let me just take the ship out to a safe distance. Actually, I think I'll go down and prep the detonator.

One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo?

Wait! That chunk! It's the watch! I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him!

Immaturity... (GIGGLES) I'm scared. Or other reasons. Hmm. I don't know, does this kelp scarf make me look fat enough? It's so unfair. That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls.

that's extremely inappropriate banter. And that's just the way I like it. Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new.

I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful.

Welcome, Lord Nibbler. Welcome acknowledged.

Sure! - Marco! - Polo!

I've never seen a supernova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova,

For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this.

(SLURPING) Listen up, gang, I'd like to introduce you to Bender,

You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you. Oh!

Are you my new hot water heater? No. I'm Bender. We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true.

No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy. With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room. Shall we adjourn to the dungeon?

FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again.

Bender, would you like to make a deal? I'm not stupid. So, yes, absolutely. What have I agreed to?

Pitiful and sickening. Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done. My best wasn't good enough. I'll need my personnel file, please.

Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

You were sucking them down like the fat hog you are and you were stepping on them for fun.

You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do?

I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like?

Sandstorm! - We're in the eye of the storm! - Where?

Oww! The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way. Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest...

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver.

'Cause we got A little ol' Convoy

The stapler's collating me alive!

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE)

Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir,

Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot.

What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age. Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah!

Your Honor, we have reached a verdict.

It's time to start living again. At least it's something to distract me from Leela. Nah.

Seriously. I can't think of anything.

I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it!

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot.

(SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office,

I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

Wow, I'm finally going to see my favorite chef TV's Elzar! Ah, this is the greatest nanosecond of my life. No, this one is. No, this one. Wait... that one was slightly worse.

Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car.

(BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah!

Look what you made me do.

But then it got too hot. (MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING) Our top scientists went to work. At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy.

Because it grows the brand.

Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket.

I failed at my lifelong dream again. How can I be so bad at everything I try, and still be so great? Bender, you have a lovely baritone, and you sure can strum that plastic guitar. But you can't write a real folk song about experiences you haven't had.

Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily.

What's wrong with it?

If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Well, now, this calls for a celebration. (MEWING TRIUMPHANT TUNE)

Roman numerals? I've got it! We're in Rome! Don't be stupid. It's a long-lost mathematical code. I'll need to consult these ancient writings.

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet.

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle. What's happening? Holy shoot! Looky!

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Deal. How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a mild delirium. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. I wish. It's a nickel.

raspberry vinaigrette. That twizzler!

You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig. Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating?

Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo!

Bubkes. Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure. Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is.

I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero.

(GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no!

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING) Scoop Chang, New New York Times online podcast blog comments editor. Mr. Mayor, isn't this e-waste dangerous? Not at all, Scoop. Not after it's hauled off to the third world by an expendable team of minimum-wage nobodies. Good news, nobodies!

Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that.

Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity.

You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets. Say, do you know Obliteron? He pretends to be a hamster, but... Yeah, that's really great. Could you please tell us what's going on? What? Oh! Right.

(CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

(CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING) So? What do you think of my comic? Let me put it like this.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak. Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me! (SCREAMING) Help! Police!

Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

We'll bill you for the couch.

Wow! That ice dispenser's so big, the ice crushes you. Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't.

Presenting Mom's friendly robots-- That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him.

Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us!

Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as?

Good evening, Bender. And to your lady friends, may I say, "Bam!" Oh! You know Elzar?

Big Bender starts right now. Get a shave, ugly! Oh.

Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do...

That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing. Those stupid mutants can't do anything. You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

And finally, the post office meter is for business mail only. Ah, come on! I've got a lot of ransom notes to send! Enough talk! It's time for action! I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second.

Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium. It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator. I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted! I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face! (GASPS) It's another soda baby!

What the-- I call top bunk. My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species.

Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95.

(ALL BOOING) Why are they booing me, Silicon? 'Cause your song was insincere, boy.

that should take the tar right off. Come on. Let's go tell Leela, so we can grow up together. Thanks, Professor, but I don't want the treatment. Don't you understand, you little nitwit?

Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense. We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of. Huh?

Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date.

LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump!

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't.

It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face.

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on.

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum.

Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle! Hey, wait a second.

Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

I, I've never seen anything like this.

See, Mrs. Astor takes nitroglycerine for her heart, and being a class act, she prefers it in souffle form. (SOFTLY) Bam! (ALL GASP) To prevent the souffle from exploding, Bender will carry it. He's gyroscopically stable.

I'm not from here. I have my own customs.

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks?

His name is you and me - Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing? just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing? Don't crush me into an anchor Yo, what's the dillio?

I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did,

- You tell a story. - With pleasure. Once, not far from here,

You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Ooh, I love your boots, Leela. Nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs. How could you tell? I guessed. (YOWLS) They're at it again. Please, Fry. Girlfriends always talk trash to each other. Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry.

All right, show's over. I'm tired.

Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power!

Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two.

from my mutual breakup with Sean that was totally mutual, it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again. Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space.

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take!

I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

(EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING) (CHIMES TINKLE) Come in, come in. Close the door. You're letting the smut out. (DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy.

Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K Peace out. (CHEERING)

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria.

He's my best friend.

You're damn right, and before you ask, this is mine, too. (BARKING) Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced? No. Technically, we were Fon-Fon-Rus, so we weren't really married. Wow, the interesting thing about that is...

If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure. Well, rest assured, Leela's the only girl for me. Hey, Fry. Amy. Leela. Ah, the family Wong. Our party is complete. What are we going to do?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy. Why am I the only one whining? All personnel, report to the laboratory. I've discovered the source of the music. (LAUGHS) Hologram off.

Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute.

T. text home? Sorry, boy. 'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate. Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication. Maybe we can rig something up.

We all have needs. Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles. I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint.

Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

The mayor's, that's whose. Oh, Chaz. Mmm. Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough.

I think she means you. Grab them! Oh! You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah!

Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive... for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end!

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING)

That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

My friend Bender, who I'll never see again. Aw. You're homesick, aren't you, T.? Mm-hmm. I miss Earth, and I'm still hungry. Do you have any more of that candy? No, but I have a toy Earth. Home.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her!

Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING)

eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives.

No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York.

Now, come on, we got church tomorrow. Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars. Hmm. Sounds interesting. But he would never do it. Like hell I wouldn't. I'm not gonna be blamed for not going. Then it's a deal. We get one night. I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash.

spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

Lost control of the ship!

Now I'll convert that guitar image to a wire-frame model. There, like so. And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer. (BEEPING) (HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING)

There's always going to be someone smarter than you, so the only way to be happy is to make the most of what you've got. But you've got nothing. Oh, no? I've got one single nail, and another nail to nail it in with. And I'm gonna stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! (SCREAMS)

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage. Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for!

ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

This way! Oh! Oh!

He's still a bit woozy. Rosebud. Won't leave my trailer for less than $40,000. By the Bard's quill! I'm alive! (ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING)

Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks.

He speaks lies! The Earth was created in eons, not days. Yes, relative to you, it was eons, but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur.

Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy.

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit.

$75,000. Oh, my God. It's Mom. I've never seen her in person before. $100,000. Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable.

Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force.

I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him!

And no one will ever know. (SNIFFLING) (TEAR CLINKS)

I don't know. I don't know.

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you. Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains.

Please rise for the national anthem. Uh-oh.

Come on, Mushu! Barf!

Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell. Of course, that's just for starters.

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

That comes with salad or soup. Uh, salad. Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference.

(BEEPS) Tell my mother to pick me up outside Quiznos. That's three dead. Let's pick up the pace, people. At this point in the actual war, the death toll was 98 million.

Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza-- Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

What did you say to them?

Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow.

You beg my pardon?

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot?

The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth.

Bam? I've met the most dynamite ladybot. Hey, that's terrific. To celebrate, I'm gonna stick seven copies of my latest cookbook on your bill. Bless you, sir. So, Bender, tell us about this new girlfriend of yours. I intend to, through the lost art of the toast.

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in? Yes!

Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm?

To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS)

It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What?

You ever made out with a tugboat? Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there, but I want each of you to know what an honor it is to work with me. Sweet ego of Montego! Someone build a wind farm in front of her mouth!

- Oh, no. - Oh, no.

Now, that's a pun. Ow!

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

(HARPOON LOADING) (GROWLS AND GALLOPING) Oh, God, I'm having a Serengeti flashback. Die, you dirty giraffe! (SCREECHING)

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot. Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack.

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them?

This is a job for Hermberg.

I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers, I realize that what I was living for were the questions. That stinks, Professor.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not?

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers! Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action.

Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

You owe me one.

Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks.

And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING)

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No!

And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure...

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Hi, superheroes. Everything okay? Big "O," little "K," my friend. just checkin' if everything's all right. It's okay, all right. Okay, then. Grab it!

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker.

Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up. But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage? No! Yes! I don't know!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS)

Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING)

Oh, my. I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this.

I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots. Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots? Or does that confuse you?

Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes. Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we?

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel. - Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted.

There will be no noodles until the operation is complete. You can't force me to operate. Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.

Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me!

(LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto.

It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand.

Is everyone present? - We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely. Here's the plan. We'll enter the ear, drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm, expelling, among other things, the parasites.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me!

You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke. (GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that.

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans.

- But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela. in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly.

Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

Now, get to work! Life is good.

when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not. I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement. If you don't get me more Good News, everyone, my arthritis will make me seize up like a dried monkey carcass.

Mr. Fry, Mama tells us you're quite the oddity. A bachelor at your age. You think I'm an oddity? Wait till you see-- Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain!

Thee will be done. Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime. Ta-da! Oh!

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything.

Bow before your master, puny mortals!

Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over. Where's the ice cream? There was a bear.

Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last. Drop that space gun or I'll shoot, like so. (GROANS) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, Zapp, tie me back up and ravish me. I'd like to, Leela. So, I will. (BOTH LAUGH) (BOTH MOANING)

to engage in criminal behavior. How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions?

(ALL EXCLAIM) We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes,

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? Yeah, I suppose.

Hey, look, I had fun, but-- - But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

Time out! Time out! What's happening? We seem to be lurching forward randomly in time,

(ALL GASP) Lrrr, I'm getting angry. Don't you go through with this. She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you!

Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss. Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my fund and kicks-in' my back. I'm greasin' up my whoozits. Whoa, whoa, Clamps. Not yet. Let's just keep an eye on him and see if he does it a couple more times. You're looking good to Flexo tonight.

You're my kind of soldier, Lemon-- A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle. So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really?

Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned. At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all. Je suis Napoleon!

Same place as your species... the beach. How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too.

This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true.

It's a poisonous froad! No one move. I'm back, baby.

Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam?

loudly fornicating with my beloved mother, I snuck past and surprised my sweetie with a romantic meal. A romantic meal? The search for food takes the elephant seal to depths few other mammals can reach.

Tonight the world watches in horror as an Earthling is eaten alive on network television. This grim scene of unimaginable carnage is brought to you by Fishy joe's. Try our new extreme walrus juice. 100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus.

Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night.

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end?

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks? Who put this in here?

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

(GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee! The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward?

he'll talk to Smith & Wesson (COCKS GUN) or, perhaps, Consolidated Head Melter.

Whoa! Whoa. Whoa!

I fInd that offensive!

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

Possibly his vile lizard tongue. You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please-- The female Leela's problem is purely medical.

Cool. What's for dinner? What do you mean, a scam?

Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub.

And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy.

She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals.

Relax. There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research. I said, "Relax!" Ooh! Ooh! Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other.

Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food.

Why don't you come on over sometime And have ourselves a really good time Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind...

We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation.

Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings?

One number three combo. It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn. Wait! What's that?

Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

Because he already died!

You guys are dating? Oh, no, no.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms. For Slurms.

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen.

It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me.

She was my first love or at least the earliest one I can still remember. But then, 70 years ago today...

But we gladly work for nothing Which is good because we don't intend to pay The elves are back to work today Hooray! We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts

Now the bases are loaded! Isn't there a man on this team who can get one more out? I can! I repeat: Isn't there a man on this-- I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron?

- be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy!

This is going to be a cake walk. Welcome to the history of the 20th century. Look to your left, then to your right. Then in nine other directions.

Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is!

You're porkin' at him.

I was getting to that one!

Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream.

just pay the valet the two bucks. No. It's the principle of the thing. Besides, I think I see a parking lot up ahead.

Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look.

- Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS)

they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency. It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe? You know I didn't. Your Honor, if we could locate Bender Rodriguez,

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition!

So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING)

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHING)

I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did,

Now, then, while many of you do half-ass jobs and the rest do jobs whose ass ratio ranges from 42% to a mere 11%, only the most pathetically useless employee will be fired today. And that employee is... Hermes Conrad.

Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them,

Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on!

Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation. Guess who just killed a woodchuck with his bare feet? I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home.

Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary,

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is?

I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela!

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah! Come on. Let's run for it. (BOTH PANTING)

Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm.

Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little.

Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew...

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course.

Professor, you're my only hope. If you love me even a little, build me some kind of free will unit. A robot free will unit? Impossible! And even if it were possible, which it's not, it would still be inconceivable... Which it is!

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet.

- join us. - join us. join us, Bender.

Bubblegum, the Trotters are down by six. Reactions? It was always our plan to trail at the half, thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation. Also, what game were the refs watching?

Die, you primitive brute!

I call the process "science."

Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell.

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please.

So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly. All right! I'm a delivery boy!

The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why? So I can kill my human brain cells.

Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years. So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies. Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug!

Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp.

I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it.

We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car. But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that.

Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now. Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

We found it! The honeycomb hideout!

He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives.

They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup?

I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion! (GROANS) But that's really hard. Hard shmard. I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy.

Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us. Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency.

On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you. Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough.

Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read.

Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Thank you, sir. You got the toenail. Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry. The important thing is

We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up!

I better check it out. Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you. Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

There it is, the edge of the universe.

Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg.

Uh-oh. Brannigan! Get out here and surrender before I get my expletives deleted! And Earth is yours. So, sire, how may I please you? Go ahead. His bowels aren't gonna disem themselves.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Who's for tea and shmavouries?

Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal.

Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time. I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body.

(BOTH GROANING)

Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks. Hey.

It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded. What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards.

We're still getting paid, right?

Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore,

Oh, great. Someone had a baby.

New York City: The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song? He found a way.

I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis?

and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone.

Warden Vogel, I have a new story for the children. I'm sure they'll like it more than my last one. They liked hunger cramps more than your last one. Anyhow, you'll have to wait. The kids are busy right now. Is the organ-harvesting clown here? Nah, Rusty comes on Tuesdays now.

Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

They typically dwell just behind rocks,

Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

You know, standing up to me is pretty manly. I'll tell you what, sport. I'll kill him for you. Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died! (GASPS) T.! (SOBS)

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube!

Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls. In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps.

Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.

(ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo!

Then how 'bout this little number? Purebred human. - No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh--

to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now. I'll say good-bye now.

Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours.

I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry.

That satellite was scuttled on Enceladus, Saturn's main dump moon. Let's dump it up! This is the exact location of the dump, but there's nothing here.

Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

Bad news, nobody.

Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness. But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones.

So, what'll it be-- my place or you?

Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela?

Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all.

Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer. In the event there are two killers, police are offering an unusual deal... Total immunity for the one who turns in the other, plus a double reward of $2 million.

Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here. Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here.

Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood!

so I can share the food I love with the people I like.

See, I got frozen, and your son, Professor Farnsworth, is my great-great-great- great-great-great... - Eh? - What? Yep, I'm your grandson all right.

Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

(YELLING) (GASPING)

Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas.

You loved him as Bender the Offender. Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender.

There, it's recharged.

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable!

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up!

Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't...

What's wrong with it? Well, aside from causing eye cancer these things had a lousy, low-definition picture. That's true. On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute. Sold! Yes!

Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts. Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha. What's wrong with you guys? This is comedy gold. He always had my back. So I'll take his arm. As a back-scratcher. (GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender!

Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Stop that! Uh, please, Your Mightiness. "Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs. Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough!

Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet.

Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human. Yeah. On your feet for Chief O'Manahan.

So you froze yourself to come look for me? No, I did it to get a fresh start. I didn't know what had happened to you. No one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money. That's the same reason they kept me out of school.

How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you.

Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.

we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender,

(BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

Bender, what's going...

There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy."

I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one. No!

I'm burning to death!

Let that be a warning to you.

This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

and I never even had a chance to thank him. Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever. (ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley,

And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes?

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign.

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not! Hoo!

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Something's happening on television!

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed.

- That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods. Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day. That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago.

Hurry. What's happening?

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool!

Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated.

I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought.

"Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

All right, that's enough of that. I know exactly where you left your ship. That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead. Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING)

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me.

I think the owner is from Signas Five. Signoids? On our block? Fi and foo! They should go back where they came from! Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other.

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful.

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space.

Yeah, we've been through a lot, me and my sax. May I noodle?

faceless bean-counters who blend into the woodwork. I beg to differ. Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them! Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat. Hermes, old pal. Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago, you said you hated me.

Of course not. Dear Lord, a coaster!

Oh, God, the pain!

(BELL ON DOOR DINGS) (BELL RINGING) Coming! (PANTING) What now? Humidifier.

Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

I've found the secret of robotic free will. We can finally build robots that act and think with total independence. At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn.

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest!

Hey, Pops! Did that tax rebate come? Came and went!

Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Slow down. All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards, all the passion went out of their relationship.

Those bastards won't know what leafed through them. It's on.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist!

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Let the hunt begin. (ALL CLAMORING) You, sir, have been outfoxed. I spent all night on that. It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really?

No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get?

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops! (SPEAKING ANGRILY IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) It's the Battle of Paco's Tacos all over again.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup?

Welcome, Lieutenant Bender. You're looking sharp. I got wheels with clickety clackers. Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one.

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous. Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news. I regret ever running him over. Take a rage dump, mon.

We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry! I just wish I could have showed you guys how great they were. I may be rich, but I still can't buy back all the things I miss from the 20th century. Maybe you're forgetting just how rich you are. Huh? Huh?

Sorry, toots. No, Clamps. No clamps. Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do. Then with the clamps, Francis. Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease.

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.

For, you see, generations of exposure to toxic sewage mutated them into horrific monsters! (BOTH GASP) Shut up.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him. Oh!

(GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

we might survive the heat and make it to the cave.

Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things. Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

But the crowd loves me. Perhaps, but let's see how they feel about your new persona-- The Gender Bender. You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor. Oh, yeah? Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death!

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost...

Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever.

Okay, deep breath, deep breath. Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed.

Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid. I can fly it, sir. I just need to know where, and how. The obvious destination is Mars. It's close, with lots of open space and no Woodward or Bernstein. That's a plus.

Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

We're a billion miles from nowhere. Yeah, it's probably only got a Howard johnson's. Well, it's a Type "M" planet so it should at least have roddenberries. I'm experienced at foraging. I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks.

FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

The winner will become the new Iron Cook. The loser is doomed to scrub. Whose confection will achieve perfection? Whose food stuff will be the good stuff? Challenger-er Bender-er!

It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains. Of course. Why didn't I think of that? This is the saddest day of my life... and I still can't cry. Wait a second. Here comes Leela!

Mm. There's a crack in the hull here. That could cause explosive decompression. Put a sticker on it. Off on your first delivery, eh? You be careful, my little tinkler. Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler.

Odor at magnitude eight.

The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty. Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. It's Santa, and we got him cornered.

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know.

(SHRIEKING) GRAM-GRAM: Every night, the poor boy had terrors in his sleep.

The humane thing is to put him to sleep.

While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

Ow! I told you, I spent it in Mars Vegas! All eight million dollars! He can't be lyin', boss. Not after a Krantzing like that. All right. Then I'm afraid we must kill you and dispose of your body in the nearest dumpster. This one we're in seems pretty close.

You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING) (CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself.

Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this?

There. Oh, no! The ice is melting! The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat. And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

That's not necessary. What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing. ...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95? Yes, please.

In conclusion, bullying in the workplace is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. - Out of my way, fatty! I'm practicing. - Whoa! (HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da! Friends, I'd like you to meet my new lady. Marianne.

They got a new non-biting otter. Sounds great! Non-biting otter! Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass?

Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle. Come on, girdle.

Ooh! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle!

I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither.

You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though. Mmm. Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey!

Fry, you're my friend.

You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated. In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later.

But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this. We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune.

Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife?

It's been an emotional day for me.

Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

And don't you forget it. How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank? That part will be easy, thanks to the nice people at Mom's Old-fashioned Video Surveillance Unit. Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

You know, Fry I've got a little place just outside town. You could come visit, maybe? Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you!

Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here. Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser.

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't...

Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo!

Wh-Wh-Whoa! Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish. Then we're down to our last hope,

Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known.

Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing.

Not all the beer. (CHEERING DRUNKENLY) Fahrvergnugen! Kaiser Permanente! Fruzen Gladje! Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun!

Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes and you're not taking them off while I'm here. Well, I'm bushed. Good night. Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans.

Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd.

Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite!

We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face.

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute.

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order?

Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards!

And now Saturn. Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.

That's not for you to know. Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage. Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes.

First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something.

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one.

I never said I wasn't a drama queen.

But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip.

It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'. Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"?

you all get to go to some camp? Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards. O great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn. Uh, human horn? Oh, how ridiculous. Why would a virile male like lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for.

Would you like some human with your salt? This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved.

(BOTH SOBBING) Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling.

No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot!

There's no such thing as two.

Fry, if you don't take this offer right now, I will lose all respect for you and punch you.

Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom!

Come on, let's go home.

This explains everything,

- Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon? You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes.

Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub! Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here.

We want our TV back. There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts.

Yay! And the crowd goes wild!

That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk. Ow! Bender!

It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous. You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out! (CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy.

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING)

Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt! Stop! What are ye doing? We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk.

Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges, they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency. It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe? You know I didn't.

Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

Please, lady! I want to live. Can I use bat to protect head? Ow! Apparently not.

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune.

You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you. Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship.

I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over.

Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater.

(GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship.

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale,

Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet! Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish.

That certainly is honest.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

No! That would alter history.

Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest!

As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

This robot will do everything for me.

A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one.

How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

Yup, that's what her donor card says. Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING)

Sweet zombie jesus! It's huge! It's coming up! Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass!

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

I'll roger that.

No! Nibbler. Psst.

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy! I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar.

on Mars and Saturn, respectively.

Duh... that's for sure.

And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

It can, and for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

Yes, I was there.

I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

I beg you, Mrs. Astor, if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did. Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now?

Whoa! A speakeasy! One prohibited beverage, please. Hey, Dutch, the new still is here! I'm not a still. I just smell like one. POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS)

So let's make the most of our time together shall we? Never mind. just give me a back rub. I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos." Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No." Meanwhile, in Universe "A,"

Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub into your skin? You'd think it would be something you have to freebase. Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"?

I'm 40% back, baby!

the Goophy Gopher Revue.

Okay, go. It all started a century and a half ago. I had a perfectly normal adolescence in New New York. But my parents were simple hedge fund managers who couldn't appreciate my interest in science. Mom, Dad, look what I made!

Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender. No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me. That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you.

I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Yeah. Where can we find food here in the woods? How about that kabuki theater? Like, where there's a kabuki theater, there's a concession stand.

What do you think happened, Professor? They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission,

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

I can't wait to tell my husband!

Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us. Why, Major MacZongo, why? It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire. The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub. I work there as a greeter.

Hallelujah, baby. Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go?

The law is clear. Fry and Zoidberg shall fight to the death for the claw of the beautiful Edna! But I don't want her! Once invoked, the sacred tradition of Claw Plock cannot be taken back.

Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night. (ZAPPING) You stink, loser.

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner.

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization. Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela.

(YELPING) I died. I'm dead.

and I'm taking my money with me. This is why you never see a poor person with millions of dollars. Eight one-million-dollar chips, please. I think that's about eight. Everything on 34.

All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing.

Sorry. I had that coming. It's not easy being a derby wife.

Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am.

Well, that was dumb.

I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it. Your wheelchair? I don't need a wheelchair! The one with the wheels!

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners!

It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell. Well, pull up a chair.

Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur.

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom.

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh!

Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

Oh, no, it's just that ice cream truck that almost ran me over. (SCREAMS) (GASPS) Sorry, everyone, no luck yet. (YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee.

Hold this, your highness. You'll need to award it to me again in a minute.

I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes!

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man. Whoo! What was that?

Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

(BENDER GASPS) He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion.

Peace! We out! Hey, Bender. Hey, Fender. Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box? Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band.

No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

But on the other claw, maybe I can't live without her. So, you're right. I can never tell her. You're doing the right thing. Today, the competition begins. Over the course of the summer,

I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

Quick! In there! Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Wow! That hurt... the air. Him pending para un bending. Oh, Qbert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you. What is it, a competent employee? I doubt that very much. Little twerp. Ay, Chihuahua!

My God. It's Colony Collapse Syndrome. The bees are swarming with parasites. They're all dying. Yeah, but what a way to go. "Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

I got it! I got it! Um, when you're writin' the Bible, you might want to omit that last miracle.

Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better.

Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers!

What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation.

I have something to show you.

into the deep, dark waters of commitment. That's so beautiful! Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier.

Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus.

Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science. I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers, I realize that what I was living for were the questions. That stinks, Professor.

Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Uh, sorry. Desperately depressed I turned to the one thing that could lessen my pain-- a carnival. Unfortunately, a corn dog bone got lodged in the control panel of the Spizzler and I had to ride it for eight hours. Sorry. But it did give me a chance to think.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

We're certainly not building something sinister, if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself.

Whew. My God. It's the future.

Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now!

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right.

It's an actual, factual robot hell. Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams.

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor. Why aren't you fixing the boiler? Schedule conflict.

Cloning is wrong. It's wrong, I say!

Destination on your left in 0.3 miles. Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters?

Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act.

The lady from work is winning! Looks like you're about to lose to a minivan. Unless you have any surprise moves you've forgotten about. No, no. Wait!

He consented! You all heard it!

There are no rules. Two robots enter. One robot leaves. Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner. That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain? That's not covered by my insurance fraud.

Bender's sausage just won third place. Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed! Aha, Leela, we meet again. But this time, I'm the one criticizing the sausage. (RUMBLING) (GASPING)

If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone.

I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style.

An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly.

You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola. The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey. Yes, definitely. Where is the real female?

What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention?

My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow. Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized.

My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.

We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust.

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing.

I don't feel well. Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? I don't know,

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots?

Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap.

Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings. What are you selling? Popplers? Never heard of 'em. Eat it or beat it.

Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed. Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal.

I don't feel well It's up to us to rescue him

There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there. What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about? No, it's an old Volkswagen van.

Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man! Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume! I'm gonna squeeze you out of there like Tijuana toothpaste!

My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts.

I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters.

Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it.

Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home.

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show.

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

(IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto.

You're nothing but a big blowhard.

It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor.

Say again? You're breaking up. Ohh! Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there.

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick.

I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new. I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined. Man, you are such a jokester.

That's why it's time to update our company's stodgy image... and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer... of the 1980s!

KATZ: Downtown Professor of Applied Physics, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate.

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh.

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist.

And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill.

Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender. Pull in your line, and let's go. Hey, I'm snagged. It's not snagged. The mechano-man has caught something.

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him.

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea!

but the most popular robot always wins. You mean I'm not a great fighter? I just won 'cause I'm popular? Bingo. Woo-hoo! I'm popular! In fact, you're more than popular. You're pure lowest common denominator. Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it.

You're twice the "The" he ever was.

Remember: Rover gets the pill and Pepper gets the suppository. Next!

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING) (GROWLING) (BARKING)

That just raises further questions.

The New justice Team Ta-da! Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you,

(HEARTBEAT) No!

The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt.

No. It is the essence of pure flavor.

Get him! My thong!

No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror. Will a money order be okay? Yes. So where's the celebrity dating place?

Isn't it obvious?

Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING)

Guidance system? On-line. Autopilot? Present. Dark matter indicator? Making a noise. All systems operational. Let's rock.

I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

I just want my parents to love me. God, how I hate them! Of course they love you!

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh. What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred.

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago,

Oh. Is there a burn ward within ten feet of here?

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature! My marigolds!

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba!

Thanks. Wonderful. No!

AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year! In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago. And authorities are now calling his disappearance a homicide.

I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important.

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean.

I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because...

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you!

Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

Greetings, Earth morsels. You suck! Get a job!

All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it. I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter. (SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex. Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said.

Can't we just shoot a missile at it?

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew!

I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender. Hello.

(SCATTING) Uh... I'm looking for the wrong side of the tracks. Then you've come to the right side of the tracks.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever.

Bender, you can't be an ultimate robot fighter. It's the most brutal form of competition in the galaxy. It is? There are no rules. Two robots enter. One robot leaves. Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

(ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING) (GROWLING)

Leela, I've got an idea. Stay here with Queequeg. Is there Mrs. Queequeg? I'm free! All right, brain!

MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest!

Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Like, yikes! (CRASHING) (CANNED LAUGHTER) It's time to spring into action, gang.

Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

the Mobile Oppression Palace! Neat! I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace, a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day!

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy. Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages,

And even though you're all young and naive I think you might just have what it takes. Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign?

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane

And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer.

so I thought I'd drop in for your follow-up exam. Oh! That's so handsome of you. just follow the light with your eyes. Perfect! You know, a guy could fall head over heels for a gal like you. As for me, I'm somewhat interested myself. What are you saying? I've never been good with words--

Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other?

I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before.

If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious, but they produce an awful lot of trash.

Everyone get in bed with me.

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated.

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train!

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh...

Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have--

Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested. Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.

Oh, heck, I'm nothing special. Just a down-home robot with a big old hammer. Hammer, that should be easy to rhyme. You done time in the slammer? Uh, nope. Been to Alabama? Sorry. How's your grammar?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

Waaah! What the--

Someone toss me out the window! No, no. Wait. I-- I feel terrible about what happened. I've just been under a lot of stress lately down at the plant, you know? They're bringing in computers to "improve productivity," and, well, that's no excuse for how I acted.

Vijay Patel and his calculator space hat!

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap.

One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Oh, well, it's just, really, that I don't feel that-- Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke, and they seem pretty on-the-ball.

Good news, everyone. We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize.

Wait. Hot lava? Amy, if we get killed, I just want to say it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team. Ah!

Oh! Why? And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas. Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil!

Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

$60,000. Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

(COUGHING) Hey, wait a second! I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things.

Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes.

Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass

A grim day for robotkind.

Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy.

We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

(PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE) Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement...

So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir.

What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case.

Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now. I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap!

Aw! You sure you won't come to your mom's wedding?

Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats.

I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity.

Amy, isn't it wonderful? I'm pregnant! Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise. Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal? just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif!

There's only one thing we can do... I'll get the water boiling. We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex. Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in.

My God! Saint James was a robot! My God! Da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue. My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

Shut the hell up! Ow!

We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah.

A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air?

just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

(SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants?

I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here?

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. Let's do it again sometime. The elders tell of a young ball much like you.

Behold! The sacred, ancestral birthing grounds of my family. Smells like a jockstrap.

Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half. I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner... and the first half of a movie.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

A toast to Leela. She showed us it's wrong to eat certain things. Hear, hear! Let's get drunk!

I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry.

Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets!

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons.

Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy? (PANTING) Watch out! Sorry. This planet has a moon problem.

Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders?

Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check.

Learning is fun.

(SCREAMING) Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits.

Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no. For this highly Controversial mission,

Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer? I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room.

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah!

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go...

Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo. Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo.

I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago.

Let's just hope the experiment's still in here. Yes! We're saved! And now, to present the awards, our very special guest. He walked on the Moon, and now he is judging a high school science contest.

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now.

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me. Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

Crappy, ineffective Reaper.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds.

Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry. The important thing is

(GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid. (SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence?

And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry.

Look, outdoor theater. Let's get tickets. Oh, let's do. No, it's the ceremony of Claw Plock where my species fight to the death over matters of honor. Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble. They don't. I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys.

Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind.

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

Idiot. Noun. You!

As the Iowa caucus approaches, the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob. MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie.

They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn?

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

A funerary urn. (CHEERING)

Bad news, everyone.

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

Home run! Yay, yay! Right? Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope.

Sounds good. And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese.

At severely reduced pay, of course.

It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder. Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge.

Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.

Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt?

And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating!

Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all.

I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

Great Cheech's ghost!

I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is.

(SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian?

Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth 'cause your taste buds are going on vacation. I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for.

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever! Fire!

Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you? How could you even ask such a thing? Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy. Thanks to years of LaBarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat.

No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more!

Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course. We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space.

I held Amy's hand, and voilÀ. Well, okay, but that better be all there is.

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was.

And you are outta here!

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

Shh! You're not cops, right?

I don't do that anymore.

Why, yes, I did. Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley?

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

I lost it... in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English.

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this. Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks.

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you,

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy."

Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING) You idiot. I'm not a cannon.

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with. It's the waiting I can't stand. That's stupid.

You need some arm candy. It's the perfect accessory for out-of-shape middle-aged creeps like you. Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry.

You lied? What else have you been hiding from me? What else? Nothing else. I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan.

Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed!

Now, your only chance is a classic death scene. One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare.

P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife-- Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand.

Nothing. I'm not nothing. All my life, everyone's called me nothing. You have a boil on your butt that sings show tunes with you? Don't look at me. I'm a freak. No, no, well... I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember.

your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing!

Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat. What was the first one again? I hate you.

'cause I'm a-comin' home. You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go?

Hold on to your helmet. Whoa! Oh, boy. Yes!

He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy! Earth will come to a stop, and... Half of you will cook, and half of you will freeze.

What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught.

All that matters is what I learned here,

I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in!

Uh-oh. What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here. All right, don't get your panties in a knot.

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh! We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there.

Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

The parrot is $500. That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards.

Look, we've all been in a sea monster's stomach. But did you get any pictures of the Calculon? Yeah, but a true photo buff wouldn't even use these for toilet paper. Not if curtains were available. You're too hard on yourself, robot. These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid. LEELA: Us People Magazine? That's total trash.

Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen?

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums.

A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all. Well, I'm not. Robot foxhunting is a crime against robo-nature.

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier? Come on, let's sneak in for a closer look.

We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean. But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who or what we want!

Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys.

You did it, Fry!

I'm just glad the nightmare is over.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out. I don't know which I'm more-- enraged or disgusted. I'm just out there making us ladies look good. Snuh-uh. You're making us look like jerks in front of the other genders!

Have you reached a verdict? Indeed. After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as... Wait. The Donbot is innocent.

No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys.

The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big-- Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00. This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained--

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor. Here, Professor, I got you a program. Oh, good. just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

(SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Please, don't push. There's hot dogs for everyone. Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered? Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings.

Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING) Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

Dibs on the toes. (STRUMS OFF TUNE) So how's it going with the real-world experience? Have you found a railroad man to write a song about? Yep, my good friend Big Something here. Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man, and there ain't much more to say about me.

Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm.

just be cool. Nobody knows we're "superpowerly" challenged. Man, this costume is so damn heavy. Hey, Captain Yesterday! Can I, like, wail on you... with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt. Hi, superheroes. Everything okay?

just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops. That's just what my mom used to tell me. Whoo!

Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them!

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this. You were an excellent student.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING)

I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance. Okay, Fry.

My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending. If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well (MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR)

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew!

Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends.

Question one. Will you pledge today to somehow reduce taxes while simultaneously lowering the deficit? Hey, that's a good idea. Sure. If it'll win me the election, then yes. We have a saying up in Alaska. That's all. Senator Travers?

Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair.

Somebody call the fire department! There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal. Hold this, your highness. You'll need to award it to me again in a minute. (BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING)

Hey, cool cape. Where'd you get that? What, this old thing? I murdered my father. My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name!

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

(GASPS) T.! (SOBS) (BOTH SOB)

Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed. All hail the new emperor!

Since when do you care or even know about foxhunting?

Oh, dear, oh, dear. You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

Where Styx is a river and not just a band Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned Unless, Fry you surrender my hands

The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you?

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve?

Plus, you get a return visitor discount.

Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business. Anyway, the time came for our first delivery.

Missed it by that much.

Oh, my darling. Will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! Yes, I will! Maybe she's right about the lipstick.

COMMENTATOR: And that's it! Wisconsin has defeated Stanford 17-to-9 in the 2000 Rose Bowl! What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium! Whoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail?

So I gave the cookies you made to Fawn and the kids, and they couldn't believe it! They were delicious! But I digress. Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

Whoo-whee! Now, while you're greasing the pan and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching? Uh, nothing. Is that a cooking show? No, of course not.

That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet-- What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out.

You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City. I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk.

Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry.

Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Yeah, I'll have a coffee. Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please.

We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace. You seem a bit tense.

cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name. Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends.

It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling?

(SOUNDS HORN) Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that?

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me.

Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other.

What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender?

ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer. - Uuh! - D'oh! An inauspicious continuation for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

Wait, that's not me. Come on, we got to save Bender. You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends?

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal?

Freeze, scuzzbot!

Man, there's clouds of exhaust everywhere. Uh, it wasn't me.

No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you! Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker. But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for-- this mindless turtle.

Five out of 10, also nice. Yep.

Sleeping with you. Aha! Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court--

All right, all right, spare me your life story. Now, what seems to be the trouble? My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy...

My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here. Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers. Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar? Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens.

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots!

It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries.

This is gonna be great. Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't.

The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000. Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it.

I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha!

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks. You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon.

You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict. Cut me some slack, preacher. I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole. With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o! (LAUGHS) Well, I guess a fellow's got to talk big when he's sporting a little shrivelled up antenna like that.

Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.

Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh--

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot. Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway?

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING)

Nuts. You shot me!

It's not too late. You can still win the election. No, I can't. The Earthers are right. I have no Earth certificate. But you will have one in just a few hours. And everyone will know it's real, 'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV. If it's on TV, it has to be real.

What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city?

You can download a celebrity's personality and appearance into a blank robot. Hey, I have an idea. Let's do that. Onto the Internet you go. Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers.

Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe.

(SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now?

Turn down the TV, Ndunda. Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector.

I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

Miscellaneous, that's me. The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry!

All right! Lucky pants! (SCREAMS)

Joyous Kwanzaa, everybody.

Says this document you gave me when you tried to abandon Ben first! (GRUNTS) It's genuine. (ALL GASPING) That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that! Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me!

Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever.

Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry.

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh...

That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion. I was. It was shame. I've never felt it before. Makes me want to eat. Do you have a craft services table? No. Look, if you could act like that, without all the pausing and pretentiousness, you could be great.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you.

Now this is what I call 1,000 years of progress. A Bavarian cream dog that's also self-microwaving. Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer.

Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here. Wait.

The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment. For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday,

Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here. Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you? How could you even ask such a thing?

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page. Looks like society's runnin' pretty well without my meddling-- D-Doh! Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars. Hmm. Sounds interesting. But he would never do it. Like hell I wouldn't. I'm not gonna be blamed for not going. Then it's a deal. We get one night. I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash.

What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris.

My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the... Uh, what do you call it? Lower back. Yeah, that whole region.

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman.

No further questions.

Bite my shiny metal ass.

It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING)

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice!

Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

Quick, Fry, run for it! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor.

No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus. You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode.

Look, no offense, but I need technology,

Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done.

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right!

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched.

Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking. Daisy, daisy Give me your answer, do

Interesting. You wish to cook, but as a robot, you have no sense of taste.

When will man learn that all races... are equally inferior to robots? Ah, here we are-- the worst player in history. If I can be just a little better than him, I can slink away with my head held high. It says he once struck out when his tongue got stuck to an unusually cold bat.

There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe!

Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way. Just sit down. Happy Kwanzaa, brother men and sister men. Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in. Kwanzaa tradition encourages educational gifts. So I brought Dwight my book on mathketball. Whoa! Let me see that.

At last I'm beautiful!

Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay.

And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What?

Don't worry, Fry. I'll pull some strings.

There's no reason to make toys, since Santa judges everyone to be naughty. That's it. I'm gonna deliver a gift of my boot up Santa's chimney. Where is he? There, in his ice fortress.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal. Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles.

Move it, you ugly normals!

We have only one option. We'll have to bankrupt Mr. Fry so he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us. Mother, you are one clever old scag. And don't you forget it. How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank? That part will be easy, thanks to the nice people at Mom's Old-fashioned Video Surveillance Unit.

It's funny. You live in the universe, but you never do these things till someone comes to visit.

He's got a 50-foot-high force field around his house. BENDER: One 60-foot ladder, please. (CHUCKLING) (GRUNTING) (GROANS)

Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess, and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how? Well, I don't know.

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap!

We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze!

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh!

(ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING) So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself. I'll use that free app that tells you what restaurants you're near.

Ray-blocking power!

That's the secret ingredient of Slurm? That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo! Whoa!

Don't pay me no mind.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it. I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding.

Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Let me get my butterfly hammer. Bender, no. That park ranger explicitly gave us a vague warning. Look, the hammer's already out, I got to smash something. (GROWLING)

That should be more than enough fuel to get us out of here. Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge. Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept.

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas.

Okay, okay, come on now.

If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! I tell you, being here really takes me back to my college days. Step right up. Who wants to learn physics?

Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so. It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell.

Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen.

All right, Liu,

Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah!

Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune. Giant garbage ball... passed close by. Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you.

a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie. What the-- I call top bunk.

Beep. Oh, for God's sake! By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal. You'll have plenty of time to talk when you're poor. What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz.

A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout. Now fetch me some working-class cognac from our brandy storeroom that you know how to find. Uh...

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders,

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here.

Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000?

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge. Oh? Oh?

(GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender!

No, no, no, no. Much worse.

It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast.

What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors?

(BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

hijacking your equilibRium

The pharaoh has spoken.

The spicy curried goat.

Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth. Foof. You're a disgrace to the very name, Farnsworth.

Thank you, Scruffy.

and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous.

They're paid to not kill me. Alley-oop! Hey, come out of there! I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in. But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet.

What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye! Welshie!

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now?

I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass. Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm going to be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you.

that doesn't make it right. We have no idea what the long-term effects will be. And once that genie is out of the bottle... I can cure you, too. Okay, I'm in. (HORSE WHINNIES)

Now, any old business? No.

Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second!

All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium. This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant.

A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one. I'm sorry, buddy. At least we'll die on our backs, helpless. Huh? What the hell are you doin'?

I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight? I hate partying. If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby. Why does everything I date run away? I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too,

Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him.

instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene.

(MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw!

Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh. Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater?

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela!

For example, 36% of all folk-song heroes work on a railroad and are named "Big" something. Next slide, please. 75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end,

That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING)

Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me.

Come here and give me a sting. Look. The spirit of Kwanzaa is killing the parasites. (ALL CHEERING) FRY: Yuck! But, yay! Thank you, my human brother. Your message of unity has touched our souls. We are once again of a single hive mind.

No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim! Oh...

This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop!

Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs! Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum.

Uuh! Stee-rike one! Strike one! A personal best.

so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself. Here I go already. Huh?

Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh...

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

Now sit. I said, "Sit." Bad fish!

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy.

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.

Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother.

Yeah. And it's not even working. Smoking and drinking make us barf. Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary!

One more hit, and we're done for! Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code?

Sir, the alarm. - I think I better... - Shh! Don't talk. just go. We are now in position above Spheron One.

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor--

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in. From those humble beginnings, Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain.

I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it? It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true.

Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck!

Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here?

I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater. I thought it would fit. And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives.

Computer, Captain's musk. (SIGHS)

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home! But Ndnd would never take me back now. Ndnd just wants what every she-beast wants,

But it's not boring. Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes! Come on, we better talk to the zoo director.

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama!

Behold! The Internet!

As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain!

Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah.

That's basically what I do every day.

Could you repeat that last part? This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Watch and learn. My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to stand before you tonight as your next president. Together, we will... Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected,

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day.

Mr. Vogel? Remember me? Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you! You used to say that all the time.

Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over. Where's the ice cream? There was a bear.

Ladies and gentlemen and Smizmars welcome to tonight's main event. In this corner, from Mom's Friendly Robot Factory in America's heartland, Mexico-- Bender!

And with absolutely no consequences.

We share your pain. Mmm, if we could undo the damage...

One mistake now, and Bender will be trapped forever... between the already ill defined robot sexes. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson... about changing your sex to win five gold medals. It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done.

How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and,

"U leave me breathless"?

Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem. We'll each have to search a universe. Everyone, grab a length of wire first, so you can find your way back.

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING)

Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender, and I'm a huge fan of your work, both on and off the court.

To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose.

I don't have time for this, robot. Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack.

Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy, giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace.

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Thou shalt not snatch.

Fifteen seconds. Bam! Ten seconds.

That will show them our peaceful intentions. The only question is who should be our spokesman? Me, me. Choose Zoidberg. Zoidberg a diplomat? The list of things I've heard now contains everything. Hear my words. My shell may be tough, like a samurai honeymoon mask, but inside I'm as soft and sensitive as a girl made of custard. Custard time? Hooray!

I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

Wouldn't you, folks? Wouldn't you?

You sure you want to be a bender, Son? More than anything. Just remember, your daddy loves you. Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that.

It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner.

Morbo interrupts Bowling For Quatloos to present breaking coverage of the birth of Senator Chris Travers. We now go live to the delivery room, where we're already at there. (MOANS)

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors? Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network? We were about to fire him, sir. Silence, hack! We've been monitoring our Nielsen families carefully. And during the 12 seconds Bender was on-screen, viewer eyeball focus was up 90%.

Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost! Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

Yes. Yes! However, no. What if my legendary acting ability didn't rise from the grave with me?

That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

I sure love Leela. FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories.

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon.

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer.

Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No!

Today marks young Ben's 13th day of being left on continuously. And so, before the Lord and this congregation, we upgrade him to man-bot. Can I get a mazel tov? ALL: Mazel tov!

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash.

Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy. But you gotta watch out for humans, right? They're just too dang unpredictable, what with their free will and all. Amen, brother. "Amen, brother"? (SCOFFS) What a boring, predictable thing to say. You're all right. Or are you?

We made it! And some of the animals survived. So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky.

Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area.

You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry. Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it.

Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew. This is awesome. Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love?

Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box.

What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.

And we want to help you. Now, your only chance is a classic death scene. One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare. Now, here's the poison that Romeo uses to kill himself.

And now, to present the award for best actor, a bit player... in the flop movie, The Magnificent Three, Dr. Zoidberg! Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger.

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother!

Nice. All right. Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners.

Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way? Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles!

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg!

Oh, man! I'm sick of this. Hey, Dad. What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh! This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt!

Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable. Oops! Whoopsie! My bad. Dibs on the toes.

Death to the 1-X robots!

(ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass!

You heard the man!

Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

It's all lumpy. It wasn't me. And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

That's Philip J. Fry! Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll. Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt. Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look. Aw, that was uncalled for.

To my loyal butler "You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS) (CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt."

You poor little guy. I'm so sorry I-- Bender?

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie?

But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela. Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling.

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer".

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot? Attack Earth!

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

You're closest without going over. Well, uh, we'll be leaving now. If you could just sign this form saying you received the atom. I'm not signing squat. You find me that damn tiara before the pageant ends. But, Mr. Barker-- Enough out of you! I may be against the fur industry but that won't stop me from skinning you alive... as long as no one wears the skin.

Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure.

Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS)

Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay. You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela.

My birthplace. It's closed! There's not even a shrine to me. With a gift shop, selling pinatas of me! End of the line, man. Come on, we can still catch a twi-night double cockfight.

I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one

You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

AMY: Fry? Are you down here?

You invest this penny like you wanted.

Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death, the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers... and never allowed to return. Oh, cruel fate! Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage? Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore?

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps!

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science.

Hold on, man! It ain't like that! Geez. What does it take to kill me?

But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her

Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela. Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it.

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned. The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies...

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

(EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

(ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

I was wondering where I put that. Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch.

come on and join our Convoy ain't nothin' gonna get in our way wE gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U.S.A. Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs?

(GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software. He has no free will! He cannot "decide" to engage in criminal behavior. How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions?

one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these, and God himself will ask to be seated far away from you. Ooh! Heirloom eggs? That's so life-affirming. I'll bet you run your own hatchery,

At first, it seemed beneficial. Long, dark nights for sleeping, long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot. (MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING) Our top scientists went to work.

(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest! Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh?

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING)

Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

No. I just don't wanna hurt him or humiliate him. Oh, curse this woman's heart! Ick! You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood! You've waited too long to switch back, you dingbat!

Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please. A little more.

Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind. (DOORBELL RINGS) Ooh!

We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh!

So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron.

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on.

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them.

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!

I've been tunneling for decades,

Everything he swallows turns invisible. Like so. Then later we just retrieve it at our convenience. Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds. How can Zoidberg walk out with that much weight? And he may be invisible, but he's not insmellable.

I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened.

I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender The shame the shame But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender

Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too?

(LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon.

Hospital ho! (GRUNTING)

By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again.

And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa? Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place. I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year. Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place?

Liftoff! I'll roger that.

As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one.

Perfect scores! A record five gold medals for Coilette!

For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help.

You put Goofus and Ganja in charge? I'm the only trained pilot here.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending. That's right! The ending must not be ruined! We'll go wait in the ship. Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job.

Oh, dear! I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

A Huggin, kissin' fiend you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny! And so, when Captain Leela panicked--

At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy. Earth! Indubitably. Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball. (MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt,

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid. In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons.

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Some say I'm robbing the cradle,

He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle. So what were they doing to you in that awful drawer? Oh, they had me hooked up to a bizarre virtual world that seemed absolutely real. What was it like?

It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha!

I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings? I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man.

As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo...

Big Bender starts right now. Get a shave, ugly! Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy?

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready?

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww!

You can count on us, Mr. Mayor! justice away! Hold the elevator!

Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there.

respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure.

is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray.

Hey, what are you doing? I'm gettin' on the bus! Don't worry. I'll be fine. They know something about me. And I've got to find out what.

Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century.

I suppose I could part with one and still be feared. Gimme some skin, Prof.

I always thought the most important thing in life was to win an Oscar, but tonight I realize what's really important is to win two Oscars! Ha! Ha! I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow!

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind!

Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing. The holiday season is a time of celebration for most but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate. Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering.

Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this! Yaah-- Aaah! He-- Help! When I screamed, "Help," I didn't mean you!

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks?

So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly.

(BOTH MOAN) Your place or mine? Both. But first, this place. (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) (STUTTERING) Ooh! Room for one more? (LAUGHING SAUCILY) (ALARM BEEPING)

Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy,

Well, how are they? Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more.

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives. Don't even think about tickling that ganglion.

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake.

Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father. You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation.

No. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter. - What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww. Oh, it's hopeless. I did something so great that it won Leela's heart, and I'll never ever know what it was. My life is empty.

I'll fetch my hand tools.

Oh...! Oh, Lord.

(HEARTBEAT) No!

I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it.

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

the Abominable Snowmobile.

No! No! No! No!

Welcome back. Our next guest... has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years. But apparently, my wife hasn't been listening. Oh, funny. I will destroy her!

A world where humans are killed on sight. Why is that great news? I'm glad you asked that question, Fry. You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists. Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical."

Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

Correct! Toad mucus.

Chew on this! What-ho!

GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home.

Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home! But Ndnd would never take me back now. Ndnd just wants what every she-beast wants,

My God. It's full of ads. Whoo!

The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever. Stay strong, Fry. You're the best friend I have left.

Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender. You must be pretty glorked off. Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn. My fellow Earthicans,

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed.

"Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela? What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams.

Well, if it's what you really want. It is. I know it is. I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

(WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful. I mean, look at your mother here. She's so gorgeous, you hardly even notice the tentacles. And if you're worried, you can always move down here with us. In the sewer, you'll fit right in. (FOOTSTEPS SQUELCHING) Sewer mail!

I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising.

Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

- a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose. I'm off to my lab to build a successor-naming machine. Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die.

I've never seen you before.

(SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

That sounds like something Year-Ago Professor would do. We'll take them. Finally, a uniform I'd be happy to be caught dead in. And, boy, does it wick away moisture, gallons and gallons of it.

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum!

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Okay. Before those Pilates Nazis come goose-stepping in and take the room, here are the finalists for next week's championship. Bender and Tonya! I just wanna have fun because dancing is fun, and I like dancing.

What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero.

Super-size me! (BELCHING)

I'm done siphoning out the grease trap. I think I need a mint. So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself.

Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter...

The brains are weakening. Nibblonians to Nibble stations. Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets. Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh! Take that! And that! This sentence I don't understand, but take this one!

I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer?

Those aren't Blips! They're Cruds! They have the red on the left. Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH)

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

I love stealin' I love takin' things

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us. Work faster-- like this!

Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

Well, the important thing is we're finally alone. (CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP)

The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my. I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base.

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards.

Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen?

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun. (CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

Put a sticker on it.

I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes.

Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day! So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product.

Look at the date on this newspaper. April 17th, 1775. Say, on this exact date, the Continental Congress was meeting secretly in New York.

I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten.

They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you. Let us in! Fry must die so that Bont may live.

Case in point, no more live bees.

We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

I'll show ye. Stand back! I'm a toolbot.

Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money...

Well, I got it. Now what, Captain? You know, I'm not sure.

Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya. With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever.

Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

What's that, Seymour? You walkin' on sunshine? He's trying to tell us something. Maybe he can lead us to Philip. Should we follow him? To our deaths? Negatory. It's the Y2K trying to lure us into an ambush, and I ain't buyin' it.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS)

This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

Where's Calculon?

Just a few more feet. We have to get to that pile of dead bears by 7:38.

I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor? This $4 coffeepot talks about love,

This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything.

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

oh-oh-oh woo-woo-woo-woo woo-woo woo-woo-woo-woo i'm walkin' on sunshine whoa, whoa, whoa That-a-boy, Seymour. Right here waiting for me, as always. just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

Quick, let's duck in here. We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point.

Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin.

It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name.

Addendum. The monster won't even know the ship has a basement. Unless you posted it on Facebook, like the last secret I told you. I didn't know that was a secret. Lots of people wear a jockstrap thinking it's a thong. (SQUELCHING) What was that? (SNARLS)

Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls.

You can drink with me, maybe?

What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires! In this scene, you've just found out your real father... is Calculon's fourth evil identical "septuplet"-- Sleazy Martinez. Okay, take us there! "Now, that I know the truth, Father,

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God!

And now a man who needs no introduction. Fry! Get up there!

That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television...

Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts,

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello.

I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

(BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING)

Hey, wait. This brain knows everything about everything, right? It will soon. That's why you're supposed to be setting off a bomb! Yeah, yeah. But I can't pass up a chance... to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time. Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus.

I saw this in a Tarzan movie! It was called Tarzan versus the Yetis. I lost my virginity during the film, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details. (YELPING) Oh!

Planet Express ship, you are cleared to land.

Yeah, you'd better run.

What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling?

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them.

Bender, quit destroying the universe!

Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER) (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns.

Whoops! Leela, those eyes look so great on you. Bah! I think she looked fine before. Wow! Look at me!

My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife? If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines. Let me see those glasses.

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING) Look out, little drunk Sheila!

Coming! (PANTING) What now? Humidifier. (GROANS) Fine. Yes?

Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth.

Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. ALL: Yay! New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. You can really see the sugar. I don't know which I like more, original or type two.

Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

But-- No-- But, Bender-- I'm telling you my broken friend Put your hands in the air like you just don't care - NO-- - I'm telling you my broken friend - Can do most - Cut it. Anything Cut it. - Yeah! - Cut it!

Welcome home, old friend. just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor... Is that how you say Zoidberg?

Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar! Whatever you do, don't drop it. See, Mrs. Astor takes nitroglycerine for her heart, and being a class act, she prefers it in souffle form.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

He had wet dog smell, even when dry. And he was not above chasing the Number 29 bus. The 29? Interesting. That's all I needed, right? I'm good. Okay, then. Here's your dog back. Seymour!

The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing.

It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation.

Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

When I see you alone

Come on, loxy lady, it's time for us to get naughty by nature! No! (ALL FISH CLAMORING)

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen!

I said hand it over. I'm hungry! (ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain?

What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh? Oh... You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING)

That's nature's pocket.

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring.

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Well, that finishes this paperwork.

What could possibly-- Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it!

Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology,

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie? Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way?

Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions. Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium?

Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems?

Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender.

Zoidberg, I... I know we have never been friends, but I appreciate what you did. Thank you. Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger.

That's what I call a hostile makeover. Hair gel? No, thanks. I make my own.

SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey? Leela, I knew I could never make it up to you, so I did the next best thing. I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through.

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof! Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover.

Alexander Hamilton of New York,

Two one-day mutant surface passes. Thank you, Mayor Poopenmayer. Mayor here. What's that? A horrible crime in the works? Ruthless villain? Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news! Because I get to summon the New justice Team!

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob.

(MUSIC PLAYING) (SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place!

Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry?

The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school

Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be...

So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry.

Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine. Let's get to hooting. (HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa!

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

(ALL GRUNTING) (SNEEZES) Uh-oh! - What the... - (GASPS) Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic.

Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash. (EVERYONE SCREAMING) Perhaps we should reconsider the girlie calendar. LEELA: Flight attendant's log. We've crashed near a river of mercury on a lifeless mineral world.

Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you.

- Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles!

Leela back yet? Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot?

She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be-- Ah, dang it.

with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone! Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag,

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces.

You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try. Ugh! Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you.

Drop the robot!

thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn. Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit.

You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission. Which reminds me... Leela, perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me in case one of us doesn't come back. Maybe we should wait till afterwards... in case neither of us comes back. Here's hoping.

Fry's worm-infested bowels... as if you were actually wriggling through them. There's no part of that sentence I didn't like. Is everyone present? - We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely. Here's the plan. We'll enter the ear, drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel.

Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good. I wanna buy this franchise. How does a hundred thousand dollars sound? Forget it-a! We come to Earth to make-a pizza, not-a money. - No, Blek! Other way around. - Oh, right. Offer accepted.

What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!

but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually identical components. Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel.

Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids?

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm. Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy!

Seriously? Why? So I can kill my human brain cells. Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno.

Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

As you all know, Leela's living will states that in the event of coma, her body is to be fed to the wild cyclophage, a highly endangered creature that eats only Cyclopses. Yup, that's what her donor card says.

and by "we" I mean "me". Deal with it, you babies! Let the battle begin! (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12.

No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you! Fry, stop. She's gone. Dr. Zoidberg, can you note the time and declare the patient legally dead? Can I? That's my specialty!

The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt.

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun!

Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead.

- Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one!

Well, well. If it isn't our little munchkin moguls. Would you ju-- What's the trouble, men? Need some penny rolls for your profits? Actually, thanks to Dwight's brilliant accounting... and my unaccountable brilliance...

Oh, what's the point? Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry.

Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter?

(PANTING) Watch out! Sorry. This planet has a moon problem.

Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this? Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again? Don't want to. Rather nice, living under the Crown and so forth.

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you. Aha! There's the cause of your illness. Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that.

Great cow of Moscow!

No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences.

They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around. Who the hell is this? How did you get this number? Is this the robot company?

And I smell bad.

Please, I'm creating. Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

but I'm not sure if I-- Hush.

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud. Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one!

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING) (GROWLING) (BARKING) (SNARLING)

They're not your parents, I'm not your sister... and that's not your golf cart.

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal?

Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone?

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender.

Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction. Vergon 6? This light dinner is over.

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

I am the "greetest"!

Well, I'm rich. Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated.

I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here! Over here!

But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than... AUTOMATED VOICE: Low battery.

Well, the important thing is we're finally alone. (CAMERAS CLICKING)

Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING) Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder.

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

Yeah! Yes, sir. Way to suck it! Hey. I-i'm smoking! I'm the greatest! Oh, monkey trumpets.

It's okay, Fry. You know we'll always be friends, right? Yeah, but I don't guess anything I could do... will ever make you feel the same way about me that I do about you. I guess not.

Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS)

Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed.

And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff.

I'll fire up the grill.

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

That's a good one. Ow! This "women only" planet is sounding better and better. I'm already looking for apartments. Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing.

Turn off that crap-o-rama!

Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks.

I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps.

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks.

Monsanto presents... the Goophy Gopher Revue.

I saw you in the chat room

So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor.

I will go this far and no further.

Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS) HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho!

Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

Game over! Phil wins!

My name's Bender Rodriguez and I want to learn the railroading business.

Oh, cruel fate! Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage? Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home. They'll need transportation to the surface.

Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children!

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over, and no question, Leela, the first woman ever to reach the majors,

Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad?

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm.

Okay. We got the hot tub hot, the wine coolers cool. It's "Hammer" time! You suck! According to regulations, both companies must approve the takeover. Planet Express shareholders, cast your votes.

What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just--

I wouldn't want to follow that guy. And now a man who needs no introduction.

I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual. Wrong again. You were right. Leela? Leela-Leela? Leela-Leela. I've been thinking, Fry. If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either. I'd probably build a copy of you, too.

My first mission. I'm so excited. And after I dissect the Yeti's poison glands, we can stop, maybe, for ice cream on the way back? With sprinkles on? (CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid! We're over the drop zone, gentlemen.

Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol! (SCREAMING) Hello. What's this flaming pool?

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh!

First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Why does everything I date run away? I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too, well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her. I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual. Wrong again. You were right.

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done.

Quiet! Quiet, I say! We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth!

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow! People, I won't let you enter.

Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned.

Wake up, my king. Oh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay.

What would Delivery-Boy Man do?

Hey, I need that to smoke! Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun,

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry,

We learned that no matter whether we're purple or orange... Or new polkaberry. (HONKING) Good nutrition is just a bowl away. ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal.

(BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book. Look, a single mother! Let's get her!

You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

This cattle prod should help. How will that... (SCREAMS) Get out there! Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position!

Honk, honk, honk! What the...? Transmission fluid?

It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point.

Plus I have to use the phone to... Leela, please tell the others that...

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end. I just like having the end locker.

Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself. Fry, this is Professor Farnsworth. Get out of your house and keep moving. You're on a mission. Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you? Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too?

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home.

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line.

or you all might as well be white They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white Well, we got no beeswax candles, but these scented regular wax candles will do just fine. Girl, those stink sticks are for single women who take baths.

Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show.

Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature. I'd like that.

(LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes.

Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do. HERMES: Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter. What the hell is it? Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries. Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no.

The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon!

Initiating controlled infection.

Go, team, go, team Team, team, team

Wait! Don't shoot! The beast is a Godsend. Like I said, we've more livestock than we can slaughter, but thanks to this ravenous bogle, that's no more a problem. Angus is right. The cursed thing even debones them,

Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that?

Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God.

His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend. Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

That's Philip J. Fry! Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll. Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid?

Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No! Any effect?

Waaah! What the-- A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh.

Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there.

And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

You won't pass for human, cutie. But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop, this note should convince them you're an alien. And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him.

- Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

You bet I'm afraid. You want to go? Go! Get your head knocked off by a meteorite. Okay, take a deep breath. You're having a little lovers' quarrel, but I'm sure you'll work everything... (GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

Turanga Leela and Amy Wong! Hang on. We're not quite ready to... (SCREAMING)

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up?

We seem to be lurching forward randomly in time, like a needle skipping on a record player. What's causing it? Is it my outfit?

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow! The takeover of Planet Express is approved!

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. Let's do it again sometime.

I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan.

Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me.

Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh! Neat! Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer.

You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! We've been hired to make our 100th delivery. (ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year. This calls for a party, baby.

Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

I said that's enough.

So, please, for me, cram it? No! The world has to know that... AMY: Fry? Are you down here? He's all right! Praise Gilgamesh!

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude.

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father. Look at him. I'm so proud.

No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book. I've been giving these out for 647 years.

Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad.

I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches. Welcome to a very special human hunt.

Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body! Catering. Oh-- Ohh.

But I'm just so scared. Kiss me.

Super bad. It's Tritonian hyper-malaria. A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though. You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel! (SIGHING) Funny plague, hyper-malaria. It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades.

It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha. Find that apple. It's down there somewhere.

We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal. Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years. Sir, what rescue operations are planned? The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about?

The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness. The thoughts of others screech at them like the forced laughs... of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe. Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions!

Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy. I learned it from a decongestant commercial. "Soothing action, action, action, action."

Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B. Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat.

You took away his robo-humanity! I changed my mind! Aaah!

And for once in your life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. Ow! Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. just go to the palace, drop it off and come right back. Geez, will you lay off? I was delivering things before you were born.

You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

Computer, Captain's musk.

And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course.

Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what?

Well, I got through the night, and no one looked in the box. Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek. I need coffee.

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday, the professor retains the fiery passion of youth.

This is not happening.

The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man! Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh!

Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING) (BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light. Ow!

Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken.

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry. All they left was baking soda and capers and here it is.

I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am.

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far.

We want McNeal! Stop stalling! And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry...

Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts.

And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists. (SOBS) Wait, there's still some beer left. Huh?

Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang.

Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza.

This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with-- Bender! Down with Bender!

You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie.

Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that. Aha! Prepare to be thought at!

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

Nope, straight line.

Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win!

What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys. Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are...

In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up. How about Camptown Races? MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

Well, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open and honest way. Yeah. Either that or be a man. Okay, I've constructed an elaborate lie. I'll call Angleene while pretending to be Flexo, arrange a date, show up disguised as him... and catch her two-timing me with myself.

Hmm. We lost Bender. There. Now no one will be able to say I don't own John Larroquette's spine.

Mmm. It stinks. But, um, I do like the tiny doodles in the margins. Oh, that's just some relish from a hot dog I found. MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest!

Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale,

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see.

Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet? Huh? Damn it, Fry!

Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology. (SCREAMING)

That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear. It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah!

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it.

Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this? Well, well, well.

Timber! Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car? Maybe if you clean up first.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh!

(POLICE SIRENS WAILING) The cops are closing in. Better ditch the loot somewhere. Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there?

There he is! All right! Closure! Oww! Futurama. Noun.

(WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine. (CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it.

which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

And honestly, Francis is a way better friend than Bender ever was. Hey, where is Francis? (PIANO PLAYING) One sarsapar-oil-la, Sheriff. I'm thirsty. Make it two. I'm greedy.

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

Ouch! Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever.

I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair. What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question.

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

We can't make it tonight. We'll set up camp here by this shoe. Gentlemen, when that sun rises in the morning, we're toast. These are our last moments together.

Incoming wounded.

Greetings, friends. Don't we all look nice today? Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life. My friends, I found religion.

We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast. You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot.

You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.

I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

Who wants Pop-Tarts?

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What?

Fry, I appreciate the gallantry, but isn't this a bit much? You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love.

Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them? Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye.

Well, sure you can! You just need to get a bending card installed. I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but what the heck. He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend. Don't tell my son what he can and can't do!

One, two! one, two, three!

I wuv my mommy.

I mean physically.

Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined!

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me. Mmm. It stinks.

You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh...

so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it! Fry did it! Did what? Just practicing for later.

I'm immortal, baby. What? Then how come you always scream so much when you're in danger? I never said I wasn't a drama queen. And the winner of the war is... Let me just cross-check my tabulation here. Factor in the corsages for the widows... Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher!

Do I know you? Have we met?

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

One. Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable...

Here, Amy. We get this one for you. Oh! Is it a new party board? It's a board, all right-- an ironing board. We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore. YOu-- You trashed my party board?

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me!

Hey! Keep it down, you kids! I'm tryin' to take a nap! Come on. Come on!

All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn. My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to stand before you tonight as your next president. Together, we will...

Man, these guys rock harder than ever. Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah. Peace! We out!

Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

The end! I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams... and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children.

He's not a child! He's 34!

(SNIFFLING) (TEAR CLINKS)

We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home. But I've never been to the Moon before. Oh, all right. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go ride the bumper cars.

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir.

"Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud. Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one!

And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate.

Did you do it or not? I'm not a mind reader.

34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Let it ride! (ALL GASP)

Ooh, sorry. And the good news keeps on coming. Behold, my latest invention. Whoa! Neat.

All hail the new captain.

Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings.

I'm just trying to get the leg taste out of my mouth.

LINDA: We interrupt Hypnotoad On Ice to bring you breaking coverage of the disaster at Hedonismbot's bachelor party.

(WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T.

(ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion.

Give us McNeal!

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children. We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender.

Well, we're boned.

I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much. What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea. And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old.

Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. just go to the palace, drop it off and come right back. Geez, will you lay off? I was delivering things before you were born. I think I know what I'm doing.

My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been.

The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up. Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would.

Mr. President. I found the TV remote.

it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again. Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true.

'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot.

All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient!

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome!

Oh! Very well. As leader of the free world, it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence. (FIRING) I'll have to re-edit the program.

Why must I be such a coward? Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right.

(BOTH PROTESTING) Hey! Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here. Come on. We'll split a blintz. Wait, give me a chance to defend your honor and then sully it on the couch.

This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor. We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family. And That Guy understands that.

You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me?

Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh?

"Here lies Philip J. Fry,

And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

Hey, good lookin', I've got a lichen that needs a lickin'. Are you crazy? She's a slightly different subspecies! See how her shell flares imperceptibly at the neck? (SHUDDERS) Talk about a cloaca shrinker. Well, haven't you ever met a girl tortoise who had that whole "same subspecies" thing going on?

What the hell's wrong with you? Hmm. I'm not quite sure. Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a mild delirium.

I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two. Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm.

we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters.

The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die?

Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

Nothing like a power nap.

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever,

With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans. Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy. In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little...

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe.

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean,

Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in! I'd like everyone to meet our new employees.

Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is?

(CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive.

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip. Yes, you did.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever!

Here, take my plus-one mace.

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing. But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy! The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING)

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards!

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever.

but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

Nowhere special-- The Moon. The Moo-- The Moon? The Moon Moon?

I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks.

Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place

My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday. Humans have been vacationing in our habitat for years. In fact, Leela's been here before. When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment,

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Well, I best mosey on down to the landing. Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail. You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup.

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado. Oh! I'll never pass inspection now.

The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you? Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down-- Even for a second.

Not... I. Not... I. Good night, sweet prince.

crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me,

Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back. Ah, close enough. Come on in. Thanks. Here's your finger back. All the coolest robots are in this fraternity.

Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

Where is the real female? I'll get her For you. I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again. Go consummate yourself. Stop talking! You're getting cold! Please! I just paid off my car! No! I can't look.

Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh. Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never.

(SIGHS) You've been staring at that pumpkin for like, five seconds. What's up? It's... It's something about the color. (SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo. Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic?

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed.

no one could look As good As you mercy - oh, oh - Oh! Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable!

(TRAIN HONKING)

Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha!

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir.

We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look.

The law is clear. Fry and Zoidberg shall fight to the death for the claw of the beautiful Edna! But I don't want her!

Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier!

My family has been making these hearts since the 1900s. Tastes may have changed, but our secret recipe sure hasn't.

I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies. Great jah's dreadlocks! There's been a mix-up. This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license! And it's mandatory!

Yeah. Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight. So Bender needs to make the delivery. Ready to get to work, Bender? I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them. I'd kill them all.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

I just have to go straighten up in case we end up at my place. There. My home's all clean except for one part, the inside. Aww. I'm sure it's fine by the standards of a gross alien monster.

"Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are--

One, two. One, two, three.

I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married.

Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should...

We are getting awfully tired and we can't work any faster And we're very, very sorry Why, you selfish little bastards Do you want the kids to think that Santa's just a crummy, empty-handed jerk Ow!

Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

you realize how much better life is without it. Well, let's see what's on. Tuesday, Golden Gate Park-- The monsters of vaguely folkish alterna-rock... will strum your brains out at Bend-Aid, Bend-Aid! Featuring Beck, Wailing Fungus...

Why not indeed! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are. Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship? Destroy them.

But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud! Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part.

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for. And now, at last, neither do I! Maybe we can figure it out. We? (LAUGHS)

Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal.

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth?

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child.

And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks.

His name was Seymour. He was once intimate with the leg of a wandering saxophonist. He had wet dog smell, even when dry. And he was not above chasing the Number 29 bus. The 29? Interesting. That's all I needed, right? I'm good. Okay, then. Here's your dog back. Seymour!

Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion.

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela. Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake!

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege.

Hear, hear. Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed.

Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela.

My antenna's fine. It's just fine.

That was incredible! You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center! You guys almost had him until he digested you. Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

So... how's business?

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance?

Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.

Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire, arrived aboard his extravagant caviar-powered yacht. I am just a humble emperor with a big, big crown! Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown!

Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly. Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world.

Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow! According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of...

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky.

- (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here! (GRUNTING) (PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING)

I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

(GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the...

But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away. How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible?

BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten,

I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink. No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim! Oh...

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha.

Dear God, look at those hairy elephants!

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones?

What's with the kamikaz-bees?

(GAVEL BANGING) The council of robot elders will come to order.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife?

In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead.

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) The beast must live! (CHEERING) You know what the best part is? From now on, whenever we're eating fresh, organic space-meat, we'll know exactly where it comes from.

So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees...

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you.

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose. We've got to get Fry back into that dream so he can remember where he heard those tones. Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer.

Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it!

You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things. Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then.

and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency,

Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

(CHUCKLING) (ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney?

(SIGHS) I can see I have no future here. My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts. Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy.

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom.

Ow! Paper cut! (HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey!

Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus!

Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler.

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. (ELECTRONIC WARBLING) We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. I'm speaking to you from the hickory farms in Grover's Mall, New Jersey,

Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync. I was like, "Save them!" And he was all, "No problem." And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots.

All right! Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah! Meeting adjourned.

Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over!

looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish.

Welcome back to the Clippie Awards,

By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again. You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me.

Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go.

Welcome to the world of business. Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who!

One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld.

Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying... mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal-- whoever he is.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home. (TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender.

Who's that jerk? A hundred years ago he was my most promising student at Mars University but then, after one fateful pop quiz... "A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts.

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal.

My hair! My wedding cake!

That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called...

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (MAN SHOUTS) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) I did like the part where they screamed.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings.

Ow! This is Fry. If you're calling about the used towels for sale, they're still available for $45 each. Phil, it's your father. Where are you? You're holding up New Year's brunch. Your brother can't wait any longer.

But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. That was a close call, but we saved Earth. Was it as good for you as it was for the human race? Oh, Zapp. Let's save another planet right now! (SNORING)

Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

You don't understand. When I get nervous, I can't control my camouflage reflex. Oh, dear. Oh, goodness. Oh, odds and bodkins. I'll have a thorax and some feelers.

I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh!

Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough. Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good.

and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy. It's okay. I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at.

Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed. All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail!

Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell! I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second.

So long, everyone. So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots.

Let's refract this sucker.

To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

Yes, I have. And I'm his uncle. How charmingly unconventional. I can eat a hot dog underwater. Say, would you Farnsworths care to be my guests tomorrow at the Astor Endowment Fundraiser? All the best families will be there. We can take them.

Okay. Don't panic. I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm.

Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat! Ladies and gentlemen, for the 17th year in a row, the future of robotics has arrived. Boys. I give you Robot 1-X.

Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now.

It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car.

But don't you see? Fear has brought us together. That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of-- Hold me.

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch.

So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds. Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true. Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss,

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Having to wear a costume made from a hollowed-out walrus. Everyone, I have a confession. I, Turanga Leela, winner of a Young People's Choice Award, a Peabody Jr. and two Training Emmys, am not what I appear to be. There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh.

Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill. Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy.

Next time you see me, don't be surprised if I've eaten. Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back. Rich nephew! Come over here...

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00. Hey, buddy! Little help?

Is that better?

The weasel! Ha-ha! Hey, listen, Skippy. I was supposed to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the thousandth anniversary screening of jury Duty 2. How come I'm not there? I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff.

Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no. I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile.

Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes!

Sportsbot? That's pretty much it. LINDA: Riveting stuff, Sportsbot.

Well, that was pointless. Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me... to ask how you got that stylish head wound. Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain.

Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

Look at Hermes's tortoiseshell glasses. The Professor's walrus-ivory teeth.

Options? We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

I'm a cold-blooded punk!

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that.

$3 at the drugstore. I'm so sorry I ratted you out,

See you on the other side.

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

Let's try for a twofer.

but if I had made the film you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film.

- Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies!

(HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil.

(GASPING AND CHOKING)

Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

Elders, execute function control-shift-kill.

As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do. What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

This is it. My Ronco Record Vault. I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead,

(GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl. Hi, Zapp. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner tonight with me and my mom. You know, to celebrate your genuine love for her. Sounds good. And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99.

So, I'm turning off the oxygen.

ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot.

Sure, blame the wizards. That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires?

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune. Is that a lot?

Quiet, human! Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper.

I was just curious because of the armed guards.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom...

Sorry, Captain Leela. I guess I'm just having one of those manic Mondays.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus. So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?

Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

It's kind of cramped in here. I don't even have room to hang my clothes.

Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

This one is for the E. coli. Ow! - And this one's for the leprechaunorrhea. - Hiddly-dee! I don't care how many diseases Fry has. It was worth it. Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum.

Mom is... Well, she's seeing someone else. Who is it, Mouth Mutant? I ought to punch him right in his big mouth. And then in all his smaller mouths! No, no, listen. It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw!

It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it! I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet. Aw, relax, buddy.

Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir, I'm-- I'm a little nervous about meeting her family. That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they?

How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film. My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension.

Where's the exploding?

All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Launch all missiles! We were defeated in battle.

Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny. But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red.

Let's kill him ourselves. Well, good night. I had a great time.

People of Earth...

Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare!

Oops! Whoopsie! My bad. Dibs on the toes. (STRUMS OFF TUNE) So how's it going with the real-world experience?

along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about.

I'm leaving you.

So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start. So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood.

Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells. (GRUNTING)

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way?

(HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! I demand extra dipping sauce! How many? I don't know. Two? Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday.

Whoo! Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild!

Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I--

No, I can't. The Earthers are right. I have no Earth certificate. But you will have one in just a few hours. And everyone will know it's real, 'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV. If it's on TV, it has to be real.

Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah!

Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about... (SNORING) He won't wake up if we stay quiet.

Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at. Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master? Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man!

Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why? So I can kill my human brain cells. Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen?

You know, like how I live every day. Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub!

Good old Coney Island College. Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type. Oh, yeah? Read it and weep. I'm a certified college dropout. Please. Everyone knows 20th century colleges were basically expensive daycare centers.

Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela? There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS)

But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste. All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products. You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500.

I've been giving these out for 647 years. Ah, bathtub eggnog.

As for me, I went temporarily insane... and wound up here, making pies out of shoes. My story's a lot like yours, only more interesting 'cause it involves robots. That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too. Interesting. You wish to cook,

I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important. Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me!

They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that.

They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot.

It's used to it! Whoo!

Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad, but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written.

Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING)

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh!

BENDER: And so began the fight career of two skimpy outfits and the feisty women who filled them. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly.

But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain.

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them.

Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant. Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm! I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead.

Catering. Oh-- Ohh.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry!

You recorded that? The eyePhone records everything. All I did was add a laugh track and twit it to my 10,000 followers.

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth.

Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions.

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature,

I found him! (SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder. Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer?

Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz.

We've also prepared a bag lunch and some mittens.

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader. Moving along. Why you trespass on our land?

think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet.

Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Schman, the great rad spot is mega-sweet for party boarding. - Indeed. - Any calls while I was out? Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called? Kif? Ooh, Amy, you're back.

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence? No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game. Now let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex Fourteen, okay?

He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford.

and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew.

Dwight, you remember the crew. Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month.

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse? Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood. Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me.

you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday. Humans have been vacationing in our habitat for years. In fact, Leela's been here before. When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female,

Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad. Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads. Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part!

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again?

(GULPS) I'm fine. (CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it. From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from. We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you? Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down-- Even for a second.

he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself.

That's almost 10 per year.

my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all.

If only I had two or three minutes to think about it. If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots.

Step right up. Who wants to learn physics? Keep your hands inside the car at all times. Good old Coney Island College. Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type.

For the last time, I don't like lilacs.

Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain

Yech! There's only one thing we can do... I'll get the water boiling. We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex. Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate?

I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again. That's why I need you folks to get out there and harvest a nice ripe one. This cattle prod should help. How will that... (SCREAMS) Get out there!

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end. Wait. I've got it!

So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo.

But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

(SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable. No fair. Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out.

I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use 'em, but look at me now. Oh, yeah, baby, gonna do-dah-dah! Do-do, Do-do-do-do. C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean?

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble.

(PLANET EXPRESS APPROACHING)

But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about. You know, it's not easy being an orphan. Not if I have anything to do with it. Oh, God! But today's honoree, Turanga Leela,

Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it! Well, actually, they're-- Morris, shh! And what about this? Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby?

Name? Cosmic F. Style? Outer space. Special moves? The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G." Name? Cosmic Y. Style?

As chief negotiator, I speak for all of Earth when I mourn the regrettable loss of the Omicronian young. We share your pain. Mmm, if we could undo the damage... Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole.

Welcome back to the Clippie Awards, honoring the year's most accomplished delivery boys. Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle.

(ALL GASPING) (ALL CHEERING) Kill-check two is go.

FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass.

Eyes, look your last.

Hang on, Mom. I have another call.

The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody.

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

Wah-hoo! I found her! What do I do now? Download her. Let's just put a blank robot in the drive.

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life.

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

Who am I? For I have... amnesia!

Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser.

I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories. But so help me, this year everyone will hate it as much as I do. Someday I want to marry a girl like her.

But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say? Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say? It wasn't by themselves. I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it! Hey, look. Now they got bigger.

We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right.

You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

he'll save us from--

Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew.

Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right?

Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way? Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now!

(MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

Now, ions and pions, muons and gluons, neutrinos, gravitinos. We're closing in on the very smallest particles of matter. For the first time, we're about to observe the fundamental structure of the universe. (EXCLAIMS)

We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur.

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning. Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry! Fry?

Rite my riny retal rass! (OWL HOOTING) It sure was nice of your nephew to invite us to his cloning lab here in the Repeating Forest.

I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner... and the first half of a movie.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

I mean physically. What do you want?

(EXCLAIMING) (GROANS) Help! Police! Send. That is low, Bender, even by your standards. My what now? Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991.

Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person. Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE)

The entire universe was destroyed.

I think it's leaking enchantment. That's not enchantment, it's the herbs! Bender's electric field is activating their bioluminescence. ALL: Whoa! We'll need scientific samples. Everyone, start filling these dime bags.

we've got nothIng better to do

But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin'

Hey, this is a diaper.

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome! Lucky.

Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh? Ah! There. Perfect. Good news, everyone. The Clone-O-Mat is ready.

Aw. You're homesick, aren't you, T.? Mm-hmm. I miss Earth, and I'm still hungry. Do you have any more of that candy? No, but I have a toy Earth. Home.

So, let's get brick-faced! (ALL CHEERING)

That's exactly what I was thinking. Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog?

What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy?

BENDER: Yeah, it was. I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY) They stole everything except my mouth and eyes.

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink. (YELPING)

It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied. Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender! This society is a bunch of idiots.

Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make. You see, when I first went foraging,

FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago.

We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye!

Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh! I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment!

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

I had a perfectly normal adolescence in New New York. But my parents were simple hedge fund managers who couldn't appreciate my interest in science.

Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune.

I say! Most ungentleman-like!

All hail Femputer!

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog... using the very same apparatus I used to clone you. Ooh, look! There's a smidge of toe still in here.

Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like. Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow?

Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box?

It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?

Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead.

FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk. Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate.

Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies! I don't even remember shooting this scene. We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room. He stole the scene and my money!

I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar.

Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this.

Yes, I will. Yep! Are you my new hot water heater? No. I'm Bender. We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism.

They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate. I believe that qualifies as ill.

I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library. And so life returned to normal, or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball... inhabited by psychotic apes.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes!

(SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS)

Please, don't push. There's hot dogs for everyone.

That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener. (ROARING)

You go, Beachmaster! And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator. Good night. ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms.

There ya go! Good night.

Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact. In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week! All right, baby!

All right, enough of this.

What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan.

free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X!

And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

Uh, Fry? You're glowing like the Human Torch on prom night. Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks? (ALL LAUGHING) Nice, hate me because of the brightness of my skin.

And finally, I'm sure you've all noticed the fabulous chandelier you'll be delivering.

Pardon me. I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl, but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception. Yeah, and you better get rid of whatever's causing it or we're out of this dump. Relax, Sonny.

I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold." Why with the long faces?

Beat this. Well, we're boned.

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

except no one drew Magic Marker penises on my forehead. Well, (SIGHS) I suppose it's for the best, considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use 'em, but look at me now. Oh, yeah, baby, gonna do-dah-dah! Do-do, Do-do-do-do.

Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

Go yourself. Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right.

Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

Ah... Again, again.

(BURPING NOISE)

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic. Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh?

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

It sure is. Right, Leela, funny?

(FIRING STOPS) Look, let's just agree that gang violence is an important issue with no easy answers. Okay. Anyway, the ship's still here. And nothing was stolen. BENDER: Yeah, it was.

Fire! "My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors. This chair is so comfortable.

ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC)

Yes. You spletcha. BENDER: And so began the fight career of two skimpy outfits and the feisty women who filled them. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly.

Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured.

Oops! Whoopsie! My bad. Dibs on the toes. (STRUMS OFF TUNE) So how's it going with the real-world experience? Have you found a railroad man to write a song about? Yep, my good friend Big Something here. Caboose.

Correct. 6,000 hulls.

Call Robo-Rooter when you flush a towel And we can also help with an impacted bowel Robo-Rooter. Mmm... mmm! Now this is what I call 1,000 years of progress. A Bavarian cream dog that's also self-microwaving.

Move it, crap-for-brains!

Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez?

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag,

It's a Crud and he's got a gun! Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror. It was self-defense.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots!

Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt.

Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste. What is it? I burned my finger.

We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

Now, regarding this peace treaty, Admiral Chu. That's a napkin dispenser, sir. This is the universal translator. Whatever. Now, Admiral, in exchange for your promise not to attack us, we will grant you exclusive fishing rights in Supernova Scotia.

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine.

That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat. When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town

They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off! (GAGGING) (GRUNTING) Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here.

(EXHALES) (ROARS) (SCREAMING)

You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

Well, I guess we better clean up these millions of hearts. Nah. I've got a lazier idea. As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar,

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever. Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

I'll save you, Nibbler. Aw.

Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register. I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming." Oh, hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long.

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo! So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing? Poorly! My wife is right, for once.

- You speak English? - I do now. Whoa-whoa, whoa! Oh. What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum. Who built you? I have always been.

will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling! Okay. We got the hot tub hot, the wine coolers cool. It's "Hammer" time!

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) The beast must live!

Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass! It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament.

We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker.

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Welcome, museum members, or as I like to call you, future exhibits. (ROBOT COUGHS) I now present my latest discovery,

but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu. Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But--

I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown.

Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go. Behold! The Internet!

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest.

and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB.

Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Well, that was disturbing. I understand, dear. They are hideous. Look, I guess you mean well, but isn't that university just a tax-deductible sewer-cleaning service?

Humph! Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good. Fry, distract him! Hey, Project Satan, over here!

I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet.

Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'.

Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.

One more hit, and we're done for! Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye.

(GASPS) That's it, I'm sure. I can tell by the words on the crate! Oh, my beloved. You complete me.

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories.

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle!

Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you.

Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish. There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending. Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond filament tether.

MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot Rite my riny retal rass!

Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

Not big enough. We need somethin' that can take out an entire army-- something you could commit a war crime with-- Wow! Ow. Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors--

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob. Good work, Evans. You've got a future around here. Thank you, sir. Planet Express. Our crew is replaceable, your package isn't.

Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us.

Look, what do you want? I want my hands back

so I'm entitled to some answers.

Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood. Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here.

We're monsters!

What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz. Eh? Hey! I can't spell anything with these cards.

Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them.

By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat. So, how long will it take? Four or five hours.

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

(BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

No argument here. Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad--

It costs a little more, but it's worth it.

He decided not to let go.

Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission. Good news, everyone! Ugh!

But, yay! Thank you, my human brother. Your message of unity has touched our souls. We are once again of a single hive mind. (CRASHING) KWANZAA-BOT: Oh, yeah. Hurray! Kwanzaa-bot's here to save...

then put me out of my misery. You must swear! All right, Hubert, I swear. It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms.

I'm Butch, leader of this place. I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it.

Name? Cosmic Y. Style?

I'm a-comin'! Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk!

Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

Nothing in there, except maybe a few shreds of moldy, old robot pornography. Hmm. Sounds like a breeding ground for humans. I better check it out. Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender.

It's just my way of thanking you for not reporting my countless violations of safety and minimum wage laws. Aw, you.

That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here.

Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem. Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players. And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to--

There. One million papers folded and loaded.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars.

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying. A toast to Leela. She showed us it's wrong to eat certain things. Hear, hear! Let's get drunk! Aw, thanks, guys. Pass the veal, please.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh!

This way! Oh! Oh! She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm.

Funny, funny stuff.

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

Are you all right? Oh, yeah.

"Come on, come all," he said. "Step right up!" "This sounds too good to be true," I thought. He said I looked like a smart young man. "So, is it a deal?" I inquired. Two hours later, he was gone with 60 of my dollars, but I had the Miracle Cream!

Good news, everyone. We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care.

But I've got a new crew. So, how was your delivery to Fantasy planet where everyone's fantasies come to life?

Great. First he steals my body, now he's touching my stuff. Come on. We've got to find some way to talk to him. Morbo demands an answer to the following question: "If you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child would you seize and consume it?"

How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No!

Now I'm all you got!

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. I kid, I kid. Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest.

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh! We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where? And even though the computer...

That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough! I've got one dollar left, and this one I'm holding onto. Oh, no, you don't!

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors. This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy.

If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy.

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING) (GRUNTING) (PANTING) (EXHALES)

What if they're meant to be together? Fry, that's just so... I can't even believe... You are so totally...

yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels. We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not! I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces. What, are you on a diet? - Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose!

You were in a zoo!

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Leela, Professor, don't do this! It's too exciting! Mark, set, go, yo!

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

(GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese. (MOANING) P.U.! Thank God I don't have a nose.

Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good. Good.

I love you all. You guys are true... Oh!

It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed.

Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for!

My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no! Quick! Get them into the fountain!

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city?

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping. This is it. We'll just run in, grab Bender's disk, and run out. Got it? Mm-hmm.

FARNSWORTH: Good heavens! Trilobots! Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives.

(GROANING) ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No!

This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors. So be it. In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw. (CHEERING)

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out. Yeah, but he might get kind of upset. I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room.

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless.

Great cow of Moscow!

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo!

Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure?

Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

They went this way! Quick! In there! Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

- Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it!

Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs.

Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo!

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee!

I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby!

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

Look-- a tiny edible crown.

Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

(2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES)

'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy. Edna.

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

By a vote of six to three, we find that flag-eating is not protected by the Constitution. Oh! Six to three? I beat the spread! The court orders an immediate public apology.

they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three. A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy. Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses?

And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36.

Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh... Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right.

Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you. Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans.

In fact, vodka with a sardine all around! And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

Food was good, though.

Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

Soon the sea will be belchin' her dead upon the shore.

Please stop sinning while I'm singing

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me. Thank you, Hubert. (WHOOPING)

I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me. I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding. Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God.

Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass!

As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for.

MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got love in my tummy And I feel like a-lovin' you Love, you're such a sweet thing Good enough to eat thing And that's just a-what I'm gonna do

No, it's an old Volkswagen van. Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years. Besides, Buzz Aldrin ran over my guinea pig in the parking lot. Okay. Come on, gang, let's go inoculate everyone and cram Manhattan back into its rightful hole.

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

Oh, dear, oh, dear. You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg.

I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms. This way! Oh! Oh!

(GASPS) Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies. (GASPING)

Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer. Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home. But I've never been to the Moon before. Oh, all right. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go ride the bumper cars.

No, our cart! We count on that for our job that we do. Pee-u. Joey, you got fingers, right? Help me fix the lady's wheel.

(ALARM BLARING) What's happening? The phone's been disconnected, the ship's repossessed, and Zoidberg's getting overcooked! This place never changes. Leela, what in the name of Jah happened?

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this.

(GROANS) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) ...and those are today's high scores. Linda? Thanks, Morbo. Coming up next, Galaxians, what you need to know to protect your family. How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know?

Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human.

Whoa! Oh! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Ooh!

'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking!

You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh!

Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already!

Yep. And yet, what did it solve?

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

There's a baby in there, huh?

Because it makes me feel happy and confused and wistful and sad. All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature.

And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach-- Destructor!

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move. Powder, please.

You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide. I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth.

What are you up to? Nothing but break dancing. Cool.

(ALARM BLARING) What's happening? The phone's been disconnected, the ship's repossessed, and Zoidberg's getting overcooked! This place never changes. Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants! It's all right.

How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Wa-hoo. Pardon me. Excuse me. Ah, I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness. Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom.

Here's your homework, you lucky knob. And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover, I might get sick enough to miss the whole semester. Hey, give me that. No. Give it to me, you faker. No, you're not getting it. Ow! My underbite!

Take a bow, Calculon! You're the greatest! No. No more bows. Oh, go ahead, you've earned it.

Ah-roo, very well.

Cut! Cut it! Ech! Yuck! Look. It's all right, kid. We'll get it in editing.

There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair. There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma!

I can't. My fembot may be in love with another manbot. Well, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open and honest way. Yeah. Either that or be a man. Okay, I've constructed an elaborate lie. I'll call Angleene while pretending to be Flexo, arrange a date, show up disguised as him...

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you. Mom! Dad! What are you doing here? This is so humiliating.

Party on. No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

Oh. Poor Bender. He must be so lonely right now, trapped a thousand years in the past.

(ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo! Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal.

You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything!

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh!

You'll need to award it to me again in a minute. (BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING) These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins.

Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench--

In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to. Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

You stink, loser.

Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point.

I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!

I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy?

The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow.

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

Because I'm so smart?

Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING)

Don't worry, I left a trail of bread crumbs. And I left a trail of cigars. You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion. Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice. I can't let my monstrous de-boner get anywhere near you. There it is!

Does that mean we can eat now? Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs. Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to.

Translation-- boring. That's a good one. Ow!

LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

my parents are up there, looking down on me.

Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

(GASPS) You lied?

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Our magnificent uniforms. They're ruined. (SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory. Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business. My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly.

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going?

they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead.

Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault.

But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

Oops. Sorry. Yah! That ship is so white-bread. People, it's Valentine's Day next week, so your beloved company has gotten you all new uniforms.

This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

That's what I'm known for!

Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something?

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

10.77-- same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein.

Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't!

It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Meanwhile, I have a plan. We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet. Oh, geez. Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain. But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff.

You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING) My baby's in that podium! Somebody call the fire department!

- I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo.

That's my little sugar doodle.

What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day. Or more. Much more. In that horrid non-robot body? Sir, I have my standards. Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body?

You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal. I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do? Coilette, the skies themselves weep...

It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff.

Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Welcome back, Lord Nibbler, Ambassador to Earth, home world of the pizza bagel.

We could grow up together.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain. Of course. I had the same idea. i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go? Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out.

Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault.

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere.

Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible!

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh!

Give it, give it, give it!

It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass.

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word. Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you! Oh, my!

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one.

Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg?

Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that. That's enough out of you. From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation.

Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga?

Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham?

You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot.

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it.

What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Oh, what's the point of fleeing? Even if we escape from those creatures, we'll still be stuck in this dimension till we starve. Wait. What about a dimensional drift? If it went through the fourth dimension before,

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing...

This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date. Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads...

With a twist-off top That would be good for soup He could be a storage closet For outdated pants I like 'em tight My broken friend could do it all

Oops. Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave.

Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

Dr. Zoidberg, can you note the time and declare the patient legally dead? Can I? That's my specialty!

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh... Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right.

Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets. Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer.

(GROANS) MOM: That shuffling idiot never did complete the free will unit. To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault.

Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm.

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My."

And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

But Fry's our friend, Bender.

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was.

must have found my nuclear pile! Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING) How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo!

but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

(BURPS) That's my bastard. (PANTING)

Hey, you think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Well, (SIGHS) I suppose it's for the best, considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law. Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh... the question is-is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching... At any rate, I certainly wouldn't harm the child.

Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey.

They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go.

Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

You could really use a shower. You too.

Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

Now, everyone is praying for their own miracles. Very well. What do they want? The people of that village pray for wealth.

Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

(GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine. (CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it. From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from.

Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun--

Ooh! What's got into him? He's twitching like Zoidberg when someone mentions the word "food." What now? No! Nibbler, come back!

Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley? 'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it. But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He-- I know. You do?

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

- Hey, what are you doing? - This.

(JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

We've done the best we could These toy soldiers are poorly painted And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly

All My Circuits is brought to you by... Robo Fresh. Designed by a robot for a robot.

Sorry, Fry. I already got a double date with arm and hammer.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake.

I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me.

Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do...

That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me.

And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose. Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room.

Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

No! I said with the mouth you're looking at. (GRUNTS) (WHISTLES) You sure take after your old man! I never knew my father.

How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender?

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before...

Oh, no! Our son Johnny fell down the gravity well! Thank you, Assie.

I tell you, being here really takes me back to my college days. Step right up. Who wants to learn physics?

(CREW SCREAMING)

Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers?

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

Hey, Fry, I know something you could lay bare. Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture. Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do.

Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then. Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins!

I lost my cool, and I'm sorry. In group, I learned that I tend to be a bit... Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew!

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Explain. Oh! You Earthlings worship celebrity with such fervor that I can survive simply by milking your admiration. Milking and milking it through what we actors call "the process." Oh, God, just kill us already. But you all discovered my secret. And for that, you will pay.

Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

Ouch! Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever.

There. The engine modifications are complete. Prepare for launch. Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here!

I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

Kid, that was great. You got us more publicity than a cowboy in a shark tank. Poor Tex. He was quite a shark. Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win. Oop, sorry.

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know-- What are we supposed to do for money?

It's another Lucy Liubot.

Please don't stop playing, Fry. I want to hear how it ends.

Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition.

Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange.

So, here we are, a still-famous film comedian-- And a rich, respected doctor with many surviving patients.

Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Hey, that's my old bank. Maybe my account's still open.

I hope you all enjoyed our tiny beverage service. Now sit back and endure our in-flight entertainment.

Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald. What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor.

Ah, dang it. She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good.

Welcome to robot hell. What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here.

Don't crush me into an anchor Yo, what's the dillio? just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing But-- No-- But, Bender-- I'm telling you my broken friend Put your hands in the air like you just don't care - NO-- - I'm telling you my broken friend - Can do most - Cut it.

Roger that. Activate safety spheres! Also, mine has air conditioning.

NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

You. You lay out my formal shorts. The jackass wants to see you in his quarters. Good. This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

(DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What?

Not even a little.

LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump!

A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical. Anyway, it's going to take some careful piloting to avoid it.

My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg. Faster! Faster! Oh!

That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait!

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again!

Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots. Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America.

(BLARING) What's that? Did they pick a new Pope? Good news, everyone! Someone's home is on fire. (ALL CHEERING) (SIREN WAILING)

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

Slurm: it's highly addictive.

I was referring to Adam and Eve.

Hey, save some for me!

Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants!

Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy?

Oh, yeah? Well, take this! Oh, my.

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING)

And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys.

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone!

My horrible human hands!

Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (MAN SHOUTS) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) I did like the part where they screamed. This is mine, right next to the center square.

Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S.

We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work--

Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Now that's what I call fine print.

Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes.

Yeah, you'd better topple. You always were a hot-blooded Latina. NARRATOR: Like all reptiles, the Galapagos tortoise is cold-blooded. Okay, neck, tap, tap,

Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine. That's the gentle, sensitive, poet warlord I fell in love with.

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

Another great thing was she always had room for dessert. (SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth! When we reach 72nd Street, jump!

What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great.

- We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely. Here's the plan. We'll enter the ear, drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm, expelling, among other things, the parasites.

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together.

(MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea. Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy.

She's so great. I feel like I can almost remember... the magical thing I did to make her love me. But I guess I never will. Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side. Oh, shut up!

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want?

We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar?

What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah.

(HEARTBEAT) No! So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied!

Kind of makes me pine for my days as a pizza delivery boy.

Hey, baby. I'm Bender. (FEEDBACK SCREECHES) (WHOOPS) Gather 'round, yokel wannabes! This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted! Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new club record, I'll eat my hat.

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this. Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern?

Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth.

And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice. It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time.

Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G... an...

From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun. Well, if we get bored looking for the clover, I've got Tetris on this thing.

How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself!

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense! He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up. Uh, Commander... could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other.

There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest! Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

This is surreal.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is... Now, stop getting slapped and power up the twit-worm!

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

I don't wrestle dry, Bender. I went to Vassar. Professor, I want you to look these poor floozies in the eye and tell them their oil-wrestling days are over.

(BELCHES) As you can see by my jeans and hoodie, I'm a young Internet billionaire. DR. ZOIDBERG: Help! I'm sick! I can't move at all! What was that? I said "Aseeka kanamoo atall."

Ow! I'm hungry. Whoa! Whoa!

I'm off to my lab to build a successor-naming machine. Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die.

That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump.

What a class act. Sold! To the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction. Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah.

Hey, what kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker. Don't be a drag, man. We're jacking on. O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah!

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow!

Okay, that's better. Keep them coming!

(GROWLS) (BOTH GASP) Ladies and gentlemen and smizmars, we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods,

Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash. (EVERYONE SCREAMING) Perhaps we should reconsider the girlie calendar. LEELA: Flight attendant's log.

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium,

Attention, followers.

The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later. Ticktock. Sir, all planetary defenses have been disabled.

for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What?

Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy.

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract.

People, it's Valentine's Day next week, so your beloved company has gotten you all new uniforms. "Clool"! Clothing! Delicious clothing! We'll need to look our best if we're to get the account... of our new potential customer-- Romanticorp. Romanticorp? Are they a corporation that makes romantic stuff?

I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant. Ow!

Wernstrom! Well, well, well. Come to present your latest napkin, Professor?

At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

We've met before, have we not? Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with.

We were defeated in battle. BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES) Defeat is ours.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew! But we only have the one medal. So please direct all your admiration to the main guy, Bender!

My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all...

Sorry we're late. We all got sick from eating bad bologna. Y2K.

Thanks a billion.

LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was.

when he goes back how it was. For me, that time is now. So I ask you, as a friend-- Won't you stop this deal? Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm.

So beautiful yet so Neutral.

Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah... Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste.

This'a berry, berry bad!

'Cause we got A little ol' Convoy rockin' through the night yeah, We got A little ol' convoy ain't she A beautiful sight

I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun. If that's how you feel-- I'm sorry, but it is. Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day? Huh?! I mean, unless it'd make you feel bad being a third wheel.

(GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screaming in agony. (SNIFFLING) I hope so.

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry.

Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

Fry! But how did you find this planet?

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean.

The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy.

Well, here goes nothing. Hello, boys. Whoa!

Another job well done.

Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow! NO-O-O-o!

Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that.

It's the Battle of Paco's Tacos all over again. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing? What I was trained to do. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Oh second thought, I'll take that one.

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe.

The list of things I've heard now contains everything.

Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em

No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book.

The tide is coming in. Quiet. The beast approaches.

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

All right, all right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites. Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed. Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn.

the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore.

That Flexo! Why, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. Can't believe this. Obsessing won't help, Bender.

With that odious robot barred from the grounds, the weekly hunt is hereby called once more to order. Let the hunt begin. (ALL CLAMORING) You, sir, have been outfoxed.

Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough.

You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for.

You... You saved my life! Oh, fuff. Yes, fuff. How can I ever repay you? Do you need a slave? Or maybe a butler? No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school. But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness.

and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor.

Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here.

Here, take some of this herb to ease the pain. Can you save him? I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep. (EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it!

The target: the priceless Quantum Gemerald. Who's the perp? A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper,

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out.

You're all losers.

You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you. (GASPS) Assie? Oh, Assie, you came home!

Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

Not where it counts. (GROANS) I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art.

I can't look. Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me?

(KETTLE WHISTLING) Wow. Hold him down while I prepare the antidote. Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast.

odors are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space.

Hi, Mom. I love you more than... AUTOMATED VOICE: Low battery.

Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back.

Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

Whatever. Later. Bye.

Welcome to the future, human slave.

It's whatever your imagination wants it to be.

Look at the professor go.

Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done. In the many decades you'll work to repay me for that shipment of popcorn you destroyed you'll have plenty of time to search for your true home. Yeah. I mean, how many planets can there be?

Eh... Contrast is a little off on this one. (GRUNTING) Oh! Bender, hurry up! This one is really good. But I can still do better. Who are you people? Why are you attacking my ego?

Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three. Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.

Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh. And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump.

(YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper. It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals. But not for long. What's in the tube? Microscopic Nanobots.

Don't mind me. I'm just saving you the trouble of throwing me away.

Well, it was a spectacular battle, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. No damage? What about my feelings? Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are.

But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time.

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

(BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES)

Your Honor, the prosecution rests. The evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong However, in light of his years of service and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges.

Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been? You nearly missed elevenses. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Who's for tea and shmavouries? What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution?

Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars. Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal. What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings.

However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch.

But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me.

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff.

Whoo! There. You expect me to live in a tiny, little hole? It'd be deeper, but I'm standing on a gopher.

Could you dump that somewhere else? Not really. It's highly volatile dark matter and some corn. But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow, and I've barely had time to prepare. Nonsense. You've been my grad student for 12 years. You were ready six years ago. What?

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad. He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose. Hello.

It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you.

So much for the Cyclops race.

Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way,

Your loss is a tragedy, but our work-- Ah! Come on! You guys have forever to look for God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend!

I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay." "Odelay" is a word. just look it up in the Becktionary.

Detonation in three, two, one. No! Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion?

(GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

I mean live theater!

Okay, then. Grab it! Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em! Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you... using superpowers!

Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica

Captain Musky? I wouldn't want to follow that guy.

In that case, the jury will begin its deliberations. Bailiff, release the jury collies. (BARKING) (CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake.

We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried.

Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing.

Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello? Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello?

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry!

I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally.

Do not compute!

Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing.

Each night, your attacks will become more gruesome until one dark night you are doomed to kill your dearest friend. I wouldn't want to be me right now. Now, go! Go!

Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion. And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all.

As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting.

If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us?

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first!

Escaped? No one escapes.

Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra!

I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow!

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen. Therefore, we'll need to hire on additional security for the mission. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, Mr. Professor? Right here! Maybe we should stick with people we know and trust. I mean, Flexo's great, but-- Flexo's great, you say? Oh, well, that's good enough for me.

(BENDER WHOOPING) We did it! Twelve straight hours of limbo. I haven't done that since my honeymoon. Hermes, Hermes, remember that flock of bats?

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying?

This package is going to Glorionimous 3, which orbits an incredible rainbow giant star.

Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles. You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself...

Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa.

Nice meeting you. Welcome, brother. May the blessings of the season be upon you.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on?

And this one's from Leela. Oh, I just love the bow. I wonder what it is. Yes, I wonder what we got you. It's a basket! F-For picnics? It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure.

And I'm just the guy for the job. (LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGHING) (BOTH HOWLING) I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire?

The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab. I was working on Project Satan a savage, intelligent military vehicle built from the most evil parts of the most evil cars in all the world--

I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel.

Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

Most uncool. Get 'em! Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you... using superpowers!

In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting?

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little...

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

Take me now, you stud! Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part.

(GASPS) Vaxtron! It's not what it looks like! But it's very similar to that! My world has been, like, shattered. I hate you both. Oh! They thought this Vaxtron could replace me? A pox on all their beach houses! I think Vaxtron brings an air of edgy detachment to the show.

I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought. I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison.

Can't we just get our organs harvested?

This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the--

(CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it!

I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me. Quit it.

Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry. He and I are... What would you say we are, Fry?

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass. I'll fetch my hand tools. Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine?

Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender. You must be pretty glorked off. Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn.

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression...

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

AMY: (GASPS) It's not Mayan, it's Martian!

Our sole hope is to persuade the people of Earth - to abandon their smutty ways. (WHIP CRACKS) So, the orgy's off? (GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me? I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection.

Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way?

(DANCE MUSIC BLARING) Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone.

(EXCLAIMS) (CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist.

I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology. (SCREAMING) Bender, whatever you do, don't think about any more octopuses.

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot.

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain. We all have needs. Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles.

Relax, Sonny. This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"?

Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

(PULSING) Here's the deal. We'll induce a dream state in which Fry will reenact the day of December 31, 1999. The rest of us will watch everything on this monitor. Will I have pants on in this dream? Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper.

What about crying?

How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there. Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you?

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

but I know something that can. Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left.

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING)

Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. - Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No!

A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell!

I don't have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry. I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday.

You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude

I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely!

I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what? Seriously, though, we stink out loud. Here's the big Enchirito--

I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

There you go, dearies. It's a relief to meet you, Amy. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future. I'm from Mars. I feel so out of place here.

Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow!

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad. (SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out."

Happy birthday, Leela!

That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy.

Oh, man, why do I have to team up with him? And me with her? And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose.

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things. No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm!

Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be!

You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?

my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression.

You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell. This is Bolt Rollins.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them?

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No!

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime. Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society!

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

The Iron Cook is bringing in his signature creation-- a working pastry replica of downtown Venice.

Alcohol? (CHEERING)

I followed the bouncing balls.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up!

Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair. What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question. Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one?

Well... (DOORBELL RINGS) (BARKING) (GASPS) Sorry to disturb you all, but Fry needs to get going. I was just telling him that, Leela. Mom? You know Leela? Nope. Leela, what are you doing in my dream? The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom.

I wouldn't want to do that again. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there. Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late,

(LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Now what? It's targeted advertising. Can you shut it off? Only if I cut off my arm. I'll get a knife.

Thanks, sucker. (LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar. Tell me, Dr. Beeler. Will I need to threaten you? Not at all.

Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me! The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil... in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery. That's my clover! Yancy stole it! After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord,

Whatcha eating?

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well?

Not another dream! Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt. I couldn't believe that--

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up.

Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal.

Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff. Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama,

I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us.

but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper.

But, Mr. Barker-- Enough out of you!

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island. My life is ruined. Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again. I'll never pause again.

What part of that do I understand? It's simple. You can download a celebrity's personality and appearance into a blank robot. Hey, I have an idea. Let's do that. Onto the Internet you go. Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers.

Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.

(SNIFFING) What smells like methane? (PATIENTS GROANING) My God! I've never seen such a gruesome shark attack. Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor.

What an exquisite day!

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion.

Aww. I'm sure it's fine by the standards of a gross alien monster. (SCREAMS) Nope. Step aside, people. I got bug bombs. Bender, wait. Won't the bugs just run out and infest someplace else? Like, our building? Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING)

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are!

(FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping! - Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy?

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much.

Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it.

or that you two are total losers.

Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next!

Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish. Multi-ball!

But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you. Would we have donkeys? All you could eat. Oh, take me in your arms and compress me! Compress me tight! Stop! Let us climb to the heavens,

As it happens, I still have some of my original 78s.

Versus The Foreigner.

Welcome to the Hidey House. Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid. I can fly it, sir. I just need to know where, and how. The obvious destination is Mars. It's close, with lots of open space and no Woodward or Bernstein. That's a plus.

You know, Coilette, I've never before met a woman as fascinating as I am. You're such a sweet, soft fembot, yet you have this free spirit about you. And there it is! It's as if you understand the male mind better than I. I've never met anyone like you. Oh, yes, you have.

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.

Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race? Duh, yeah!

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt! (ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap! Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often.

I'd like to return these for a refund. Don't worry. They're (SNIFFLES) unused. Oh, I'm sorry. I get so little business I can't afford refunds.

On your last birthday, what gift did I get you? I don't remember. Me neither. Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn. Um, what color is my shirt? If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum. Good point.

Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence?

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice.

My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company. Welcome to the world of business.

I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot. Hear, hear. Let's put on our new uniforms and take a staff photo for the newsletter. Right on! Here they are, freshly laundered and... (GROWLING)

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers. Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home? 'Cause your apartment smells like Poly Grip and cat pee!

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

Hey. Ooh. Wow. Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory.

Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy.

Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness.

I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers.

I got wheels with clickety clackers.

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One!

Nothing. I'm not nothing. All my life, everyone's called me nothing. You have a boil on your butt that sings show tunes with you? Don't look at me. I'm a freak.

More! More! More! More!

just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show.

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No!

Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos,

We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth. (ALL GASPING) Aw... He's got his own eyes. Well, who'd have thunk it? He was born all right, just like he said.

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

(BELCHING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: From the "Rowdy" Roddy Piper Daycare Center in Glasgow, Scotland, it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling! (BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh!

You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

And I took this one inside the ichthyosaur's stomach. (LAUGHS) Man, I've never had anyone try so hard to digest me. Look, we've all been in a sea monster's stomach.

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Hmm. Huh? Planet Express Ship? Is that you?

Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me?

How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha.

For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help. What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury. In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good!

What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us?

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes. We have bigger problems.

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two?

And it pinkens your teeth while you chew. All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95. That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military.

Fry, you're my friend. Come on, everyone line up for a hug. Let's tear down some emotional walls.

Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram? I sure do! That's the real robber!

(GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screaming in agony. (SNIFFLING) I hope so.

I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

Castle? Some say unholy things happen up there.

Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. ALL: Yay!

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought. (DOOR CREAKS SHUT)

Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so. Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it. But this is one of those rare problems with no magic solution.

Please don't stop playing, Fry. I want to hear how it ends.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight.

No, no, well... I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How...

That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No. All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you. And that's why you'll never make captain, Kif. Hmm.

Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on!

Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team!

- No! - No! Do a flip!

As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose?

Nice work, butterball. You know, I was in Italy last week. (GASPS) My birthplace. It's closed! There's not even a shrine to me. With a gift shop, selling pinatas of me! End of the line, man.

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable. Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

Oh, geez. Better not let Leela see me. Hey, I hear Fry. Boy, am I glad you're here. You are? So things aren't workin' out with what's-his-name? Actually, they are. Confidentially, I might not make it back to my apartment tonight. Could you walk Nibbler for me? Uh-- Y-- Uh--

Welcome to Mars! It is with heavy heart and open arms that we receive Earth's only survivors. Admission, $20. Dad! Gleesh. Greetings, Mars men. We come to your planet to construct a gleaming city,

Nibbler, help! Don't leave me here!

Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us with enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater! We have less than 72 hours. Well, let's get looting.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

Mom, if you try to marry Zapp, I will shove you into a filthy nursing home so fast you won't know what hit you. Probably, it'll be a filthy nurse. Leela, you're my daughter and I love you, but cram it! Is this a bad time? I was riding the El Torito dinner backwash, and I thought I'd pop in. Oh, thank God you're here.

Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza-- Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery. Here and here. You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

No! Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha!

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom.

We'll need help getting in. Any volunteers? - I'll help you. - Aw, phooey.

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!

We're talking about lots of stuff.

It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell. - Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to.

Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck

We'll never bother you again.

Well, that finishes this paperwork.

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him.

I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Let's see who this so-called butler really is. (THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this.

No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day. Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken.

What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend.

Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke, and they seem pretty on-the-ball.

Maybe if you showed a little interest. Well, here goes nothing. Hello, boys. Whoa!

Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure! Oww!

Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%.

We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way. Just sit down.

(GASPS) (SLURPS) (BURPS) (WHINNIES) It's like a fairytale! Finally, a turn for the better. (CHOKING) Gotcha. This situation deteriorated fast.

Comedy. It's tragedy. Langdon Cobb will be first to take the stage. Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky. DR. ZOIDBERG: I always come in stinky. LEELA: Stand by. The competition's about to begin. Oh! Hold your fire until Calculon's performance weakens the ego. Roger. Stinky over.

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible!

That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball!

Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.

So what happens to the hero of our story, Zoidberg? Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink. So, forever. Come on. You can use the spa tub in the high-roller suite.

Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news.

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh Oh, my God!

That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah!

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife?

He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring.

I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists.

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups.

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up?

The Revolution? 1776 and what all? Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb. They've always got a nice docky-wocky on.

Now we're gonna die without so much as a factory-second clutch purse to show for it. (SIGHS) It would have been nice to shop at Tommy Hilfiger one last time. It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture. I guess we all saw what we wanted to see.

I don't understand evolution,

Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise. Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream.

A fish this fine belongs in a fish-nugget-style chunklet. Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. Ow! My small intestine! Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot.

I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust. But if it must be so, then let a museum heist be pulled!

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps!

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant?

(ROOSTER CROWING)

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye.

You fool! You will be transported to the other universe with us, trapped there for all eternity! And we'll form a tightly knit clique that you won't be part of! Well, at least I did one important thing with my life-- leading good to victory over evil. Hurrah! Yea! Exactly! The Nibblonians-- good?

for something to play at the wedding. Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist.

Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

Fire! What the-- We missed!

Make it count, my friend. Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

All right, enough of this. There's the atom! Aw, geez.

It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

This might take a while. I've got to adjust the memory timing, raise the CPU voltage, and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life,

I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been.

An understatement, to say the least. It's time you treated me with respect. If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine, but no more purse rides, and no more dressing you up in your cute little sailor suit. I keep telling you that's my real naval uniform.

That's it! Happy birthday!

Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet.

Earth will come to a stop, and... Half of you will cook, and half of you will freeze. Earth will be one big McDLT. We just got that commercial last year. Oh, yeah, smarty paws? You may have built the ratchet, but you can't reach the core without 4,000 miles of superconducting wire. (GASPS) The ball of yarn!

It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment. It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment. I think it's Blotto--

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true.

you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy. Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve,

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you. Aha! There's the cause of your illness.

Keep watching. Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING) Huh! Well, sorry, Bender. I guess I owe you an... Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway? Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat.

Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Down-home Country Kitchen With Helmut Spargle. But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger, more extreme cooking show viewer.

Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you.

Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh!

What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! We've been hired to make our 100th delivery. (ALL CHEERING) One hundred!

Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts. Wait. We'll start with this one from Bender.

Hey, nice seats. We're close enough that when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down. I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't...

Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall.

You mean a frown? We didn't have a word for it, until now. To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. To think I borrowed money from you. I was going to ask you to marry me. I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither.

Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop!

then get a job bending. You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I? Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need to bend... that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle.

Aw! Is shnookums not feeling shtimuwated? An understatement, to say the least. It's time you treated me with respect. If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine, but no more purse rides, and no more dressing you up in your cute little sailor suit. I keep telling you that's my real naval uniform.

It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it.

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis? Francis, I have good news! It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh...

Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh! Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out.

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad. (SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy.

Well, it was a spectacular battle,

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off...

You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all.

Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time.

(GIGGLING) Captain, we were supposed to land two days ago. Is everything... Hey! Are we at the fair yet, Mommy? We're not at the anyplace! LEELA: And we're out of fuel!

Nah. Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D...

The beast is a Godsend. Like I said, we've more livestock than we can slaughter, but thanks to this ravenous bogle, that's no more a problem. Angus is right. The cursed thing even debones them, which is perfect for today's fast-paced, lazy consumer.

Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones. How're ya doin', kid? There ya go.

What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

Amy, Leela! What are you doing at your place of work? Your match with the Murderflies is about to start. (GASPING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy!

Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

(STUTTERING) I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

We need your help.

Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really. Miniskirts? That sounds familiar. Surely you know McNeal.

We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure. Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry?

Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's--

Too much eyeliner! This is history in the making, folks.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense.

And I said, "That's a number-one record."

All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No!

No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure. Which means we can clone it! Seymour will live again!

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that?

That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it. The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later.

You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk.

I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister, to me. And now you're getting married. I love you, man.

Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside.

Please! Please let me come with you. I can make myself taller.

I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive!

The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow! I miss Leela so much.

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you!

What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn. That's Lrrr! Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn?

Quick, Fry, run for it! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately.

Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before. Here, take my jacket. You look a little cold. Thank you.

Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet. So thirsty... then he tastes it.

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing--

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

No! What will I mix with my scotch?

You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence?

I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys.

No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register. I think I hear a customer coming.

Whatever time we have left, just live it with me. So, you want to join the Balcony Club? The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership. Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long.

So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really. Except for one person. Who was it? Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem.

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend?

There's no bus to jersey City.

Flies, flies and gorillas! Stay beautiful, dollface. Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza.

I lost it... in a volcano.

Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive.

Dad! We screwed up!

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

There. We can make these into spears.

Let's try for a twofer.

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children. We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting. Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what?

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up!

Say hello to Miss Right. Hello. Mmm. Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century.

It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father!

You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched.

Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

Fry, are you all right?

My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life!

Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk.

Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy. In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust?

- Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose.

I got you an official Bender hat. Wow! Thanks, Hermes. I... Hey, cut that out!

This package is going to Glorionimous 3, which orbits an incredible rainbow giant star. All right! Let's ride! (BEEPS)

(MUTTERING MOCKINGLY)

Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side.

Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish.

The Earth is born! Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it.

It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either.

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell.

Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands.

All right, let's get to work. Let's see. If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here.

Well, it has been a while. Is it okay with you, Fry? Sure, that'd be great. I'll just sit here and feed the mosquitoes. (MOSQUITOES WHINING)

(BEEPING) Sorry, ma'am, I'll have to confiscate your artificial kneecap. Okay, here you go. FRY: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the plane's President speaking. We are cleared for takeoff. You put Goofus and Ganja in charge?

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING)

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it!

How could you just throw your garbage away? Hey, hey, give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches.

I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there. I know she said not to contact her, but it's been three weeks. I'm going to fall down that manhole again and visit her. (BEEPING) Leela's wrist thingy. How can I help you?

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah?

Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

Then the meaning of existence--

It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good.

Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over.

This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman. Of course! Duh! It's an important unit. And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh!

We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab.

Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen? Since this is a championship match, we are gonna need some lava! Wait. Hot lava?

Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets.

You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas! And last, but not least the sweet flower of the office... me, Hermes Conrad.

Hello there. Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition?

Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction. Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

Nothing's gonna stop us now And if this world runs out of lovers We'll still have each other Nothing's gonna stop us Nothing's gonna stop us now

It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name. Ew!

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles.

Okay, now I'm mad. Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, monsignor.

I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me?

This is so unfair. I liked you back when you were a cyclops. That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network.

I love you, buddy.

(LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto.

Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed.

I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor. Thanks to your husband's humanity,

It's beautiful. Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts.

Damn it, woman, you're making me highly Selassie!

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo!

We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

Uh... the fairness in hell act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul.

Neat. Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer, we discovered the wreck of the Land Titanic, on which your husband land-drowned. Inside was something that might interest you.

Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word.

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der!

Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead.

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM)

But garbage isn't something you just find lying in the streets of Manhattan. This city's been garbage-free for 500 years.

Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper.

Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed.

Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ahhh! Sweet light crude.

Yeah! Make me famous, big head!

Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good. Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch?

So, when Umbriel first brought home this carpetbagger I was agin' it but damn if ol' legs here ain't grown on me! Aw, shucks, Colonel. Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases.

I don't care 'cause the master's gone away

She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned.

He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this.

Congratulations, Your Highness. I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor.

yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that. Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake. Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs. Especially me. Enough. You all failed miserably. It's time to put a real scientist in charge. Wernstrom! The very same.

The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Are there any left? There may be one.

Deploying ice drill. Wow! That ice dispenser's so big, the ice crushes you. Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't.

It not reinforce stereotypes.

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

Catering. Oh-- Ohh.

This "women only" planet is sounding better and better. I'm already looking for apartments. Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

concerning the night of December 31, 1999.

Give him hell, Morbo! Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved!

Whoop! People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today.

Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

That's so sad. I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat. Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle.

Hey, there, Amy. Like you to meet my buddy, joe. Sorry I'm late. My pool game ran long at the jazz club. Kids love him. Hmm! What's that weird sound?

As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now.

(NIXON EXCLAIMS)

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool.

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack!

He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING)

Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow! People, I won't let you enter. Popplers are as intelligent as you or me. You, maybe.

There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form. Then he died.

(BOTH SOBBING) Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now,

See you there, Doctor... Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment. You're looking less nuts, crabby.

Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization.

Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go!

but lead a rich inner life. And also-- Well, you know. You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers? No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back. What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times.

- Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.

Thank you, Fry.

Aw, boo-hoo. Now here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it you'll have 25 minutes to get away. That's all? But-- Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all! Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

Does anyone recognize those call letters? Nope. It's not in the Janeway's guide, either. Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

You, my metal friend, will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans. Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown. As for you, you will be submerged in royal Slurm, which, in a matter of minutes will transform you into a Slurm queen like myself. But, Your Highness, she's a commoner.

(GROWLING) (BARKING) (SNARLING) Okay, let's just get in, get out and... Now what?

(CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

I do love inconveniencing the underclass.

(WHISTLES) You sure take after your old man! I never knew my father. (SQUEAKS) It's not important. What is important is that we get you to Bending State-Santa Cruz in time for registration. Then we'd better hurry. Registration ends in one hour. To the ship!

Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost...

Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired.

(WEEPING) It's hard enough being a Cyclops, but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated. Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross.

Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile.

Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif? Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way. Or even from a toilet seat-- though that's impossible, since I have a private washroom. Ah, my home away from home. By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though.

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

Oh, it haunts my memory still.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal.

Written and xeroxed. Good heavens.

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order

Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine!

or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

Well, it wasn't a bad life. If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy. Leela, I've made up my mind. Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy. It may take a couple of hours, but...

Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender. (YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot.

LEELA: You're using the rocks to build a wall? What about your cultural heritage? You bought that cultural heritage hoo-ha? (SCOFFS) What a bunch of big-city dummies. At least the rocks are light here. I don't even need my over-the-shoulder boulder holder. With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time.

Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay!

You were in a zoo!

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

- Leela, give me a topic. - Duh!

Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn't you, sir? She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right. No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird?

I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool!

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking.

In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology

Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.

(PANTING) Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess.

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Been up north (ALL GRUNT) Been down south (ALL GRUNT) Got a real weak back (ALL GRUNT) I got a real big mouth (ALL GRUNT)

I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

I love this job.

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone.

I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy.

Look, I agree it'd make space walking more comfortable. But for a photo shoot, it's a little unsavory. Over. (RADIO CUTTING OUT) Time is money, peaches.

Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth.

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't.

You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor,

If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body.

Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look--

Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion...

The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now?

Cornelia, my love, will you marry me? Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg.

Stop the execution! Leela!

Man, these hands do everything but pick your nose. (EXCLAIMS) (SNIFFS) Wow. Well picked. I had a nice picking last time I was here. Come on, let's take a walk. I'll show you around.

I don't know. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me.

I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain...

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

(PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me.

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula. Ah, Hermes.

I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius.

The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven.

So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip.

By SewerCom. Reach out and touch the sewers. Look, Morris! It's Leela calling. Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! Ready for your big trip to the surface? We're excited, honey, but we don't want to embarrass you. I mean, your mother and I are basically monsters. Dad, relax. You are being so mutant.

Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey.

We found it! The honeycomb hideout! Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen.

There's A destination A little up the road from the habitations and the townS we know A place we saw the lights turn low the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands

Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet. I'm okay, then. Storm dying down.

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh?

Xmas dinner, everyone.

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you?

I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum. I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution.

Fire! Look out!

must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help.

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me.

Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo!

I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness. Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there.

That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated.

Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do.

This is Fry. If you're calling about the used towels for sale, they're still available for $45 each. Phil, it's your father. Where are you? You're holding up New Year's brunch. Your brother can't wait any longer. Hello, first bologna of the new millennium.

We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth?

The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil... in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery.

Oh, sure we will. If we live a really long time. Let's get started. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there? You mean the one in that alley off 72nd Street? Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at? BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

There it is Miss Universe There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara. Me, too.

What the hell is that thing?

Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look.

On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my planet-- Reload.

I am jorell, Master of Scheduling! Okay. We got the hot tub hot, the wine coolers cool. It's "Hammer" time! You suck!

I speak, of course, of karaoke.

Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender!

And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh? Less reality, more fantasy!

What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody?

He claims only to have played a small role in supplying the initial machinery. I ask you, is that so crazy? Yes, it's completely crazy, and that is why you must find him not guilty by reason of insanity! (ALL GASP) Objection! I'm not crazy. I created you all,

Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil.

Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

ROBOT HOST: Welcome back to the Young People's Choice Awards!

I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it! Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful. Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me,

Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees. Listen up, bees. It's Kwanzaa, a time of Umoja.

(GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace. You may be gelatinous, but not even the Mochi Phantom could perform such intricate motions! Says you, salary-man.

I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry. I guess he realized I was right when I told him to go back to the jungle. You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain? Hey, don't blame me.

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants.

Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif? Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way.

Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos.

Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not.

Wait for us! Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me. Look! I'm slipping, Bender.

It's been 50 years since they disappeared. I knew you had other crews, but you never told us you had a first crew.

So I ask you, as a friend-- Won't you stop this deal? Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me?

Ladies and gentlemen, Leonardo DiCaprio! (ALL CHEERING) I mean, da Vinci! (ALL BOOING)

The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat.

Well, I'd say we all learned a valuable lesson about TV there. What was it? That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while.

That we should all take TV a little less seriously.

And then, while they sat helplessly around the campfire, a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and-- Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left. Oh. What?

Get a job, you lazy kids.

Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a

and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal. It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name.

At least I still have my self-respect.

where we're already at there. (MOANS) Ow! Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms.

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

(YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source?

Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

On this auspicious occasion,

(EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it!

Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

(GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow.

We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity.

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me!

Stop hoggin' the clover! Oww! All right, team. let's go find that clover.

(EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine.

I envied no man. But you wrecked everything. Quit standing up for yourself, Fry. When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship. Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

Stupid dumb coma. Coulda been British. Alas, that mine only son... should sink into an irreversible, permanent... coma. Permanent? That's completely out of character for Antonio. I'm getting up. Curse the tragic wildebeest accident that--

(ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and... - (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Indeed so. Most indeededly. Careful with that, you fool! No! No! But possibly yes.

I don't have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry. I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become.

I hate the planet of the Moochers.

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer.

Let the games begin! Everyone, listen!

As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts.

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love.

The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh...

Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

Steady. Steady. Now!

I don't want to conquer planets or kill things, or wear a lame cape. It's not lame, it's lame.

(SNORING) (YAWNS) Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So, what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple? I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form.

True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating. Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.

Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you.

Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy!

Nope. They Live lens? Eh... So-so. Twilight Zone one-minute-in-the-future lens? Ooh, Calculon's going to be here. Better get my camera ready. Just take the damn picture. Let me just adjust the focus, F-stop, shutter speed.

Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree. Hey, these aren't Xmas trees.

When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice. Patience, Clamps, it is my eldest daughter's wedding day. You don't want the Space Pope to see you clamping, now, do you? Geez, I forgot my Pope manners.

To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno. And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime. Nevertheless, stay with me here, things will now happen just as I fake predicted. Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me. There we go.

Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived.

And, here we are. The end of the universe.

Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record."

I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss. Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already!

Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all.

Yes, I'd like an engagement diamond, please? You come to the right joint, ace. I'll take this one. Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones.

My doctorate is in art history. Let's see what's under The Last Supper. Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking!

Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us.

(WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid, too? (WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

(HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! I demand extra dipping sauce! How many? I don't know. Two?

two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal? Hmm. Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass?

I think she means you. Grab them! Oh! You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) As the curtain rises on our verisimilitudinous tableau, you're no doubt curious as to why I tricked you all into hang gliding here. Close-up. It seems someone in this room is a murderer.

Nice job, Bender. You passed the test.

One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money.

(GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help. Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Then let the tea of new life be brewed, as it is writ, and both shall lift the jug together. Where is your Smizmarr? She is not with me. Oh, the sorrow! Oh, the shame!

You're practically ready now.

I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

Or just a moldy schnauzer? - (GROWLING) - (YELLING) Oh, God, please let this tacky Hollywood mansion have the obligatory... Yes! Tuscan-inspired pergola! (CHUCKLES) Peace out, Portobello. Thank you, Leroy.

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help.

Now, if you'll direct your attention to this moldy shower curtain, I've prepared a video tribute to the happy couple. LEELA: In their 40 years together, my parents have been through so much. Well, not that much, actually, since mutants weren't allowed to leave the sewers until last year.

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement.

Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS)

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die.

Let me pick up the check. No! That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

(BENDER SCREAMS AND BURBLES)

Why don't you come on over sometime And have ourselves a really good time Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind...

Quit it. People of Trisol it is my honor to present your new emperor. What up?

All right! I'll go! I can't believe it! I love you!

I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

Who put this in here?

With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road.

Well... Down the hatch. (BOTH SIGH IN SATISFACTION) (GLASS SHATTERS) Mmm! A guy could get used to this.

The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream.

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict. Cut me some slack, preacher. I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole.

Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter.

Oh, my darling.

Don't you realize that if you stay at this depth your body will permanently adapt to the pressure?

Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

What are you talking about? They ate me alive out there. Yes, but your body stayed on message and that message is, "Look at my shiny new body."

Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had. Ow!

Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

Here. Try a deep-a dish pizza. Contains-a four kinda things.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow!

You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep.

into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen. I don't even breathe... oxygen.

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week?

Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings.

You went all the way to Holland already?

Look out. He's got a gun!

Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs. Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line.

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next? The farmers pray for sunlight, so their barley might make a more refreshing beer... for today's God on the go. Very well. Let there be light!

Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems... that can't be solved by an aphrodisiac. However huge it might be. So what do you suggest, painfully single human? Well, why don't you think back to what brought you together in the first place. Oh, I don't know. Lrrr used to be so tender.

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation.

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long. Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter.

When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice. Patience, Clamps, it is my eldest daughter's wedding day. You don't want the Space Pope to see you clamping, now, do you? Geez, I forgot my Pope manners.

Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets.

You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure. You, sir, have defaced a national treasure. I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!

I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww! (GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker.

I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very... reasonable--

As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away! Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest

You want some? Sure.

It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

(ALL SCREAMING) They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse.

One! Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again!

Well, this is it. But I want you to know working here has been the experience of a lifetime.

You were so awful that women everywhere set out to prove they don't stink as bad as you.

Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me!

(ALL GASP) Lrrr, I'm getting angry. Don't you go through with this. She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you! Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do?

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender.

Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing?

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING) Who sent you? Why are you dressed like Fry? 'Cause I'm Fry. Oh, Fry, you old paranoid kook. What can I get you? A hidden camera for my bathroom. I suspect a certain robot of unauthorized butt brushing. Got ya.

Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah.

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Sir, that's not a number.

You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor. I like physics, but I love cartoons. This is the greatest moment in scientific history.

And so, a thousand years later, fry once again infiltrated the Info-Sphere and set off his amazing bomb. Only this time--

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING)

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to. We'd be shredded across the time-space continuum like human coleslaw.

Hey, look at this crowd. You guys gotta try the pasta. It's got a real nice profit margin.

An alien saucer has been detected en route to Earth. We now go live to the White House lawn, where such things usually land.

Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon,"

Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks. Hey. Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth?

You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness. Professor Ogden Wernstrom.

A mission of peace. You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls.

It turns out it's man.

Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go! I can't believe it!

I am not evil! So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me.

They stole everything except my mouth and eyes. I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking. It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him.

What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me. Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight. You're bogarting my patience. Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans.

You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me.

Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm.

Whoa! Whoa! No!

You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

All right, I'll go.

Like a cheap French harlot. French?

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See?

I broke your television. Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that.

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know?

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude.

It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry.

It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up! So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

From my new Butterfly Derby team. Which is what I am offering you to be. Because I'm the commissioner of the Butterfly Derby. I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost. Why would you want us to join your league?

I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?

Yup. (SOFT SNARLING)

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop!

And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad!

She's out of control! You win again, gravity. Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog.

(GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball? Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon?

Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math. Stupid air-needing lungs.

You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh!

They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

Oh, oh, my God! just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins.

Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man.

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute.

Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead, it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this. Hmm. Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what?

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is

But right now, we have business to attend to. A delivery? No. A tax-deductible mission of charity. This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh. It's a sunny little doomed planet inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals.

I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate." It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No! N-O-O-O! I won't leave you.

No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela...

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

I'm Randy, coordinator of this Tap-Dance-A-Palooza. Whoo-hoo! Randy!

Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in

Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me

(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data.

It's time to shut down nappster.com.

I never thought I'd live to see this tree again. Thank you for staying with me, Fry. I'm not Fry. I'm his great-great-grandson, Fry. You are? My beak is different, see? It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island. Watch!

Zoidberg? Realize, you know, my face was stuck in a pizza. Mom, Dad, I know this is weird, but-- Yeah, yeah. We don't care how squishy alien get pregnant. All we care is we have grandchild now. You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong.

I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer. Moreover, the crash totally destroyed our ship.

Petridge Farm remembers. Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me?

My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Kill all humans!

I wuv my mommy.

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit.

Eyes, look your last. Arms, take your last embrace. And lips, oh, you, the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss.

No! It's under here somewhere! We just have to bust our way down. Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky! (GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING) (ALL GROAN) LEELA: I found the satellite!

Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat! So, Hank-- the bad Hank-- just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average.

Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know.

Stop them! They cheated!

I'm in! Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private?

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No!

I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu!

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

Order! Order in the head!

Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us.

- What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

(IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow. Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet.

exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright. I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait. I'm comin' for to run you down With a train Get it?

It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it.

I want it to be as my wife. (GASPS) The clam, Elzar. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wow. Leela, my love,

When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman! It costs a little more, but it's worth it. Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

I got one! Okay, kids. Put away the dust motes till tomorrow. It's story time. (ALL CLAMORING) Today's storyteller is a space captain who grew up right here at the orphanarium. Welcome back the bed-wetter of Building D, Turanga Leela.

A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots...

Oh, yes, she can. As a return guest, Leela will receive a 25% discount and a complimentary waterfall. (GASPS) This is exactly what we need! Plus, you get a return visitor discount. Hey, wait, you were there before? Um... Well... With someone else?

Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried.

My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes. Aw... what's the point?!

I don't give a grand crap.

Hooray for Blindy!

Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony!

(SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing...

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping.

- Charleston Chew? - You bet!

(WHIRRING) (BELL DINGS) Like, it's basketball superstar Larry Bird!

Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub.

And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy.

and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo!

You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots?

- be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy.

Whoo! I felt that one! Mm. There's a crack in the hull here. That could cause explosive decompression. Put a sticker on it. Off on your first delivery, eh?

Bender? (EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close.

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force.

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma. Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps.

Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll. Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

(GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never!

I love you, son. YANCY SR.: Now bundle up. I don't want you getting frozen.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

What? It's called line dancing, Professor. It's fun because there's no touching and lots of rules. Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo! Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep.

ANNOUNCER: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time, all while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies. ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond.

What?! It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder. Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge.

Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick.

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job.

even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then. No. I have a duty not to look.

Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate.

I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads. Whoo!

Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics. - Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important.

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous.

Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant... (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) (SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this.

(EXCLAIMS) So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead!

It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia.

This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him.

I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup. Uh, salad. Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy.

Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings.

Hermes, you're alive. And practically rhyming. Wife, Son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help.

Company? How cute!

What really matters in life is that people care about you, whether it's a whole crowd, or just one diehard fan. Aww.

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad.

Oh, no, I'm late! Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary. What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop.

We didn't have a word for it, until now. To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. To think I borrowed money from you. I was going to ask you to marry me. I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither.

Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course. They're not extinct yet. And if you need further proof that this is really a thousand years ago well, here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson. Ooh. Hello, Fry.

Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS)

While you await your "friend," allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern.

It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again. Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all.

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying. That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us. Amy has a point. Mr. Peppy's not like Zoidberg. He's my friend. Aw...

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say.

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes,

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth!

Blech! The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech! Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady!

Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope. She always liked not being observed with a telescope. (ALL GASP)

Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Well, duh. She's programmed to like you.

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me. Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years.

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste. Guenter! You're alive.

(LOW WHINING SOUND) (GASPS) He's alive. At least his butt is. (BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week.

takeS forever I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers i Will wait For you

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique!

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M.,

Come on in. I'll give you the tour. Let's see, where to start.

I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

Should we do something? There's no hurry.

(ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file.

Why, you little... Wow! That hurt...

Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din. I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah!

She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody. My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus.

English - US - Line 21

Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

I always forget that he can talk.

I haven't done that since my honeymoon. Hermes, Hermes, remember that flock of bats? I sure do. That was fun. BENDER: Where are we? I have no idea.

I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please.

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted.

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested. As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch.

Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good.

Ow! Ow! Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron! Hello, losers!

But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

but are also sometimes playful,

A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp

I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

Hold me in your arms

Two, four, six, eight. Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here! Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy. Monsanto presents...

Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks. You better try to jump it, Bender.

looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny. And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking... Yup.

Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed.

Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

You know the ones I mean. Yea, Fry! I watch TV with that guy.

My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone. Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up.

Leave Todd out of this.

ROBOT HOST: Welcome back to the Young People's Choice Awards! In a moment, the award for Outstanding Sext Message.

Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory.

so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating! That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

I could take him or leave him.

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them.

Smell you later. She's out. Then let's begin this delicate procedure. Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have a big hand for our finalists,

Oh, my God. It's Mom. I've never seen her in person before. $100,000. Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000.

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

You deadbeats are under arrest.

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point? I've never been able to put into words how I feel about you. But somewhere among these trillions of hearts, those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them.

Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet,

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be.

Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead? Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot.

I ain't making drinks for no trashy robo-sluts. Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters.

You're full of crap, Fry.

All right. I give up.

Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing-- Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

Whew. That is one unlucky guy.

Big Bender starts right now.

What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund. Well, as long as we're being honest,

So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw.

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way.

While you await your "friend," allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern. "These unique rock formations "were created over millions of years by mineral-rich water, "dripping from pores in the ceiling.

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to...

Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch. Yeah, I'll keep the kidney cool, no problem.

So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting.

My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky! What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up.

Now I'm all you got!

but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions.

(WHINES) Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch. Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do. I defy you not to watch.

What the-- What's this water made of, ice?

Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas.

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula. Ah, Hermes.

You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson,

I still have no idea. (ALL LAUGHING) I've been telling you for 40 years, it's the study of alien languages. Why can't you listen? Oh, sugar lump, I hear you when you actually say something important. LEELA: But sometimes opposites attract, and like the fairy tale of face mutant and butt mutant,

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying.

And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea. And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old. But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card.

Wait! I know! Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones,

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

- Forget it. You can't tempt me. - Really? - There's nothing you want? - Hmm. I forgot you could tempt me with things I want.

Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

This calls for a drink. I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now.

Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray!

Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow. (GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics!

You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim.

This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig. What's this?

You left the keys in the ignition.

Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either. If you even tell anyone I was here, they'll say I set the fire.

Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know.

Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard. Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? Uh, maybe. So what? Well, I only brought it up 'cause Bender's wearing them. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh... I stole them from her. Yeah, that's it, call the cops. Oh, my swollen feet.

Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete!

Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00. This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub.

Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

Shoo, get away!

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir?

Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force."

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man.

Oxygen. Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish?

Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off.

Wait, what? No, I was stuck on... Ow! Stuck on another delivery that he undertook on his own. We're all very lucky and not suspicious to have him. Hey, Fry, things sure have been going great between us. Remember that make-out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine.

That was great! And no one suspects a thing. And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time. All three of you. What did I do?

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot.

I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire. Whoa.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out!

Now that we can predict crimes with 99% accuracy, we can arrest most perpetrators before they even perpetrate anything. That's ridiculous. Only horoscopes can predict the future. That's what we used to think. Until we invented this.

I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife? If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines.

No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

Okay, fine. Fire! Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles.

"Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead.

Chapter Two. The heat thickens.

but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again. That's why I need you folks to get out there and harvest a nice ripe one. This cattle prod should help. How will that... (SCREAMS) Get out there!

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys. That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh! Then the answer is no. Once a robot comes here, he's mine for all eternity. Now hit the bricks.

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning.

We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender? When I use up the toilet paper, I don't put on a new roll.

Yeah, but he might get kind of upset. I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room?

It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown. What else is there? I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies. His name is Shazam. (BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant. Ow!

You going to Andromeda or thereabouts? No, sir, but how would you like to be part of an exciting business retreat? Hmm. Just don't drop me off on an asteroid like the last guy did. Okay, team, if I can trust a total stranger,

Also, who are you? I'm in love with you! And I don't care what he thinks. Here, I brought you something. Hurray! We're three friends at the beach! Wait, what's happening, friend? NARRATOR: The female conveys her receptivity through subtle vocalizations.

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender!

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too. Boy, this heater is incredible.

Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky.

As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth. Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair.

Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges?

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash. (EVERYONE SCREAMING) Perhaps we should reconsider the girlie calendar.

You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever.

No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

The cops are closing in. Better ditch the loot somewhere. Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there? You mean the one in that alley off 72nd Street? Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at? BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING)

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

AMANA: Ohhh! Your hands are warm. For a robot. Thanks, baby. I don't know what you're doing back here in the galley, 'cause you got a first-class seat. Yeah. Come on. (GIGGLING) Captain, we were supposed to land two days ago.

It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela. Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up.

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is! Then you'll wanna get a close look at his luxurious Bel Air home. Yes, I will. Yep!

But I've got a new crew. So, how was your delivery to Fantasy planet where everyone's fantasies come to life? Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. You see, Og everything's running smoothly.

I only have one. Really?

That heavenly stench. More.

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future.

(PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD)

I'm back, baby.

Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here? The tide is coming in.

Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away! You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes."

So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars, you all get to go to some camp?

So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

Josh Gedgie! (LAUGHING) I'll bring the car around.

Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop.

Welcome, Lord Nibbler. Welcome acknowledged. I bring with me the Mighty One. Huh? At last, our centuries upon centuries of waiting have achieved fruition.

It's over. My dream of being a chef... is deader than the cat I'm sitting on. Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo.

(SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right. We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever. Whoa. Where happened? What am I?

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You Clobberella Citizens, never fear Crazy do-good freaks are here Until they run out of steam

It's Benderin' time.

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela? I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen. But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

Aw! Nibbler made a bobo for Mama. I'll pick it up with my supey-dupey poopy scoopy. (GRUMBLING) (BEEPING)

It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on!

People of Trisol it is my honor to present your new emperor.

What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

Pathetic human race. Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

See ya April 15th, folks.

Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean.

Leela, we need to talk. You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News.

Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

(CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender.

The challenger's ugly food has shown us... that even hideous things can be sweet on the inside. And now, judgment. The winner will become the new Iron Cook. The loser is doomed to scrub.

Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way.

Well, how are they?

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry! Merry college registration day, everyone! (SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls!

An omen? Dinner. Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty.

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next?

That's the ego.

Good as new, except for your dorsal Fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living.

(YELPING) Oh! (FARNSWORTH SCREAMING) John, are you all right? You... You saved my life!

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Hmm... I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension.

But so help me, this year everyone will hate it as much as I do.

No, no. Line? No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters.

(GAGGING) At least there's only one of them. The good news is, they can't start breeding. The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn,

Louder and sadder!

Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over.

Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female.

Hey, sailing unit.

This is the worst kind of discrimination--

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it. Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts.

Oh, what's the point?

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

We use a lot more profanity. Son of a... (BLEEP) Leela, take my hand! I'm slipping!

And we rap about our problems. Like, my aunt's neighbor is a hoarder. Stack of magazines fell on her cat. It's hard, you know? Yo, you're not alone. Hey, Professor, that dimensional drift was hot!

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a?

The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything.

Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots.

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby! Oh, no.

So that's the situation. Due to the shortsightedness of Old New York New New York is going to be destroyed by a giant ball of garbage.

Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye.

Leela, Professor, don't do this! It's too exciting! Mark, set, go, yo!

You just hop into bed with my boyfriend?

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time."

They look like giant claws with bodies attached. At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell. Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love.

Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

I know you're just a carbon-based life-form but I'll always think of you as a big pile of titanium. What Bender means is, you're really brave and smart and beautiful and a great friend. just like titanium.

Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo!

And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

(GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING) Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face! It called me what? (INTENSE GRUNTING)

I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

It's so quiet. I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree.

Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler. - Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender.

I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks. I can finally afford my speech therapy. And the health plan covers my generic Prozac. Electricity, plumbing, our lives are a jillion times better.

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most

No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something. Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car,

Civilization as we know it might get splashed. Why do they always treat us like dumb kids?

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home.

Watch where you're shooting, private.

(CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus! No! No! What have I will have done? Man, that's heavy. Osmium heavy. (SURPRISED CRY) Are you going to turn me in for concealing evidence? Say what? You're my partner, home Fry. Besides, I got my own secrets.

Not bad for a city boy, huh?

Consequences are minimal,

How bad is it, Doctor? Super bad. It's Tritonian hyper-malaria. A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though. You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel! (SIGHING)

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this.

That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself. Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out.

Women only room!

It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb. They've always got a nice docky-wocky on. ANNOUNCER: The Vanquished Pride of the Yankees, or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years,

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math. Stupid air-needing lungs.

Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire!

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image. And in the end, that's all I really have.

Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh. Still awake. I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Uh! Oh, my gosh! I better get a sponge!

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're--

The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years.

Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot.

(GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death? Yes, and I begged Zoidberg to put me out of my misery. Bring him, quickly.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop.

Maybe we ought to do something nice for him. There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him.

Thank you, but I don't care how many eyes a man has. As long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser.

Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing. Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number.

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff.

No! Get away from there.

Isn't that interesting, honey?

(POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up!

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone.

just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

Excellent. We'll meet aboard my ship in one month to sign the Treaty of Table Seven. (TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Table Seven? (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) Now, watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coupe by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue. Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us.

In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up.

A were-car? The car that ran you down on the moors was also a were-car. It beamed the virus to you through its demonic headlights. That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car.

Good, now let me just get the lights.

Very well, then. Beat this. Well, we're boned.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno. And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime. Nevertheless, stay with me here, things will now happen just as I fake predicted. Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle.

Fry! Shut up and look at this!

The only thing terrible is going to be my bank account.

an A-minus-minus!

Put your pants back on. I need a stapler!

Each more identical than the last.

I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke.

(ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other?

Let the games begin!

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!

I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle. So what were they doing to you in that awful drawer? Oh, they had me hooked up to a bizarre virtual world that seemed absolutely real. What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah!

I don't remember. Me neither. Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn. Um, what color is my shirt? If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum. Good point. Oh, never mind this.

No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound? Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

(GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go. Oh, mighty Mayor, we're here about Turanga Leela.

Sorry, you know too much.

Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness. I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry. I'm sure the professor can clone you a new nose.

Okay, you can have my nose. - Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me.

Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

You mean "Colon"? State your business. Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me, but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me.

I could make a space experiment. I just got a new thing of glitter. I'm not sure science is your thing, seeing how that chimp at the zoo tricked you out of your allowance. Yeah, well, I'll show you and Mr. Bananas. Anyway, I've got nothing better to do while I'm sick in bed. Wait, that's it! I'll make a space experiment about the common cold.

You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING) So, he didn't really want to marry me?

And look at this intricately carved disk. It merits years of study. But how can we move such a fragile, precious...

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown!

Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose.

What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender. No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me.

Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes. This dumb holiday just makes me think of all the things I left behind. Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived.

Geez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with. (BELL DINGING) Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice. (GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS)

Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots.

I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh.

Let the hunt begin!

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want.

It seems the youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A." - Question. - Yes? You stink.

Oh, lordy Lou! Help!

Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion,

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING)

Nobody wants to see you ever again!

She never got over it, Professor. Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned. She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra.

You call for a chopper?

A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations.

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other?

Good for you. Now, let's all get back to the ship. What for? We're rescuing you. I don't want to be rescued. Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit.

His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright. I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait. I'm comin' for to run you down With a train Get it? (ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

It's okay. I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at. A wise woman, indeed.

The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved?

Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three. Look who's here, everyone.

Sound Effects 5000,

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again.

It all begins in a cold, freshwater stream, where the salmon eggs incubate. I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon.

Because they're magic! They fell from the sky! Oh, now you tell me! I did it! I got a great deal on the ship! Hooray! I knew you wouldn't let us down in any way. Well, how much did you get? Two!

You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes.

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING)

Smell you later.

Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

In a moment, the award for Outstanding Sext Message. But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand! Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids?

Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals. It all goes down this Saturday... on the isolated Galapagos Islands, where there will be no escape... from the fun.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots. With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun.

Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York. There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater. Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here.

As you can see, 1947 is going to be... an eventful year for the town of... Roswell, New Mexico.

Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads. Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender.

You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time.

Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that. That's enough out of you. From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation. No fair! My mom is going to kill me.

You'll never move again. You mean-- I'm sorry. You'll have to get a new one. Poor Bender. Well, let's drag him to the curb. Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend.

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy.

Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both?

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back!

as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards. Sure, blame the wizards. That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires...

And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with...

Yeah, and you better get rid of whatever's causing it or we're out of this dump. Relax, Sonny. This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies!

I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops! New York is so burned! Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology!

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

(CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY)

This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him. I may be an old man--

We were in science class... and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich!

You actually thought they'd let you walk away without an engine-oil sex check? Oh, God! I'm not gonna get my medals! They're all I have to remember my Olympic career. Wait! I've got it! Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends.

And I can't take life anymore!

Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up! Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything? Yep. We're there. Prepare to surface!

But us guys from under the red sun, we're like...

No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat!

Time and space are ripping apart at the seams. Oops. Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man. Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Put me in, Professor! I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?

just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear? Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo.

Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you.

Hurry! We've gotta think of another way to save Bender, or Xmas will be ruined. Especially for Bender. Look out, Earth. I'm dreaming of a red Xmas.

Amuse your friends with real vomit! Throw your voice! Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum. The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray is nothing more than a common teleporter ray.

We'll be talking with General Extermulo, who will crush the human race under his boot unless his demands are met immediately! But first, celebrity buzz. Linda?

There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot!

(ALL GASP) Aw...

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away

Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here.

What's pink polka-dots?

As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender!

Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal!

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured!

Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word.

AMY: (GASPS) It's not Mayan, it's Martian! Amy, you grew up on Mars, right? - Can you read Martian? - A little. I only learned enough to yell at my nanny. Let's see. (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) I think it means, "The sun will erupt,

Life for our ancestors peaceful, until Homo sapiens arrive. We suggest interbreed, become one big happy species. But they treat us like second-class hominid. They drive us from valley,

Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan.

Nurse Amy, the anesthesia. Smell you later. She's out. Then let's begin this delicate procedure.

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

This one we're in seems pretty close. (SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

MAN: It's The Futurama Holiday Spectacular brought to you by... (READING) Ah, the Xmas season. Who wants a delicious unshelled nut? Ooh, I'll have one.

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Sure, I know a guy.

Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff. What am I doing?! What have I become?! I see a lot of fancy robots here today made of real shiny metal.

they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared.

No! Stop! Wait a minute, man!

I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See? Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human? What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root. Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex.

Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale! I am not the whale!

(AUTOMATED VOICE READING) Also, you have a rectangular mass in your colon. That's a calculator. I ate it to gain its power. You locate Inspector 5 while I slip into my ass-kicking feet. (GASPS) Sweet file-not-found of Puget Sound. His record's been blanked.

Okay! Okay! Quit nagging!

Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

Never mind. Here, take this. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (SPLUTTERING) Ah! May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap!

But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust.

It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

but so far I only got Amy pregnant.

They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...! Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery.

Who smells like freaking porpoise hork?

And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe. Now it's personal. Your mission is to infiltrate the Info-Sphere...

Kif, you did it! But how did you know the dynamite would work? I once took a seminar in ejecting chickens from a sand dune. The principle's essentially the same.

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love. And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man.

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them?

So, we're cool?

There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar? Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet,

You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces.

Don't know where I don't know when But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day

A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back.

Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

Like so. Then later we just retrieve it at our convenience. Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds. How can Zoidberg walk out with that much weight? And he may be invisible, but he's not insmellable.

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner. Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys!

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there.

Hmm. I believe I can fashion a slingshot using this robot wishbone and this elastic from my pants. (GRUNTING) I think they want wives, so just play along.

Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants! It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing. You make it look so easy. I've smoked a lot of paperwork in my day.

Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use... crickets, squid chicken necks? Excuse me. If I might be so bold, I'm willing to offer my services as a bait critic. These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless.

Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy.

It will show you all! Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine! And I helped! Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine. Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine!

My ass! I'm sorry, buddy. Maybe we can get you a new one. Never! My ass is my soul mate. It even has its own hind-brain. Really? Your butt can think? No. But it can feel.

- Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg.

Next up, in what is generously called "the talent competition" performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the-- Got ya!

But now they don't. It takes some getting used to. Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis?

We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus.

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas? Ooh!

You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor.

Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults.

It's not-not a smart bet. According to the script,

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right.

My whole life I've been mad at him, and it wasn't his fault.

But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time.

Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it. Your wheelchair? I don't need a wheelchair! The one with the wheels! Poor flimsy humans. Don't you wish you were flawless like me? A towering inferno of physical perfection?

but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well. No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box.

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut. Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us.

Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww! In each gastro-survival kit, you'll fInd a rain slicker, a disposable fun camera... and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon.

Let's not forget that this shipwreck is also the final resting place of this brave captain. Place your bets. Whee!

You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go. Can I please just go back to prison?

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said. i'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning like A whiRlpool, it never ends... A little lower.

(ALL SCREAMING) Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing. Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up.

What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy. The entire surplus is gone!

(GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad.

That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned.

Who wants a fish?

a soul. Eh. And freckles. Well, I'm out of material. You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut. Enjoy your breakfast.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History... will be robbed tomorrow at exactly 9:00 a.m.

We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested. Have you got an extra "goto 10" line?

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) What? It's called line dancing, Professor. It's fun because there's no touching and lots of rules. Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo!

He's so talented. You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name. That's him! Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate,

Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

Master Spargle, if you can hear me up there... in that ditch where I left you, this is for you.

Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS) (TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things!

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly. Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah!

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity,

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

Now, which group of heads is good enough for me to hang out with? What do you think, Fry? Fry? Mmm. Hi. I'm Claudia Schiffer's head.

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet.

Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work-- Stop! You're just goin' around in circles!

Come on, let's deal. You'll have plenty of time to talk when you're poor. What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz. Eh? Hey!

ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace.

This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table. Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure.

Whoo! That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

How nice for you, Leela. That's so good... for a person with one eye. Hey! You can't feel sorry for me. I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers.

Mom, Dad, Grandma, this is where I work. Oh! Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party? Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life.

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard!

Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

I personally like the electric snail. That's a stupid animal. You're stupid. I said I want the best one. Now which costs more-- the parrot or the stink lizard?

This is the brass ring, fellas.

That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle.

Jumping sound! Ow!

Holy shoot! Looky! The enemy, they're balls! Ow! Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

Go home before you embarrass yourself, old man. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to take a nap before the ceremonies. Who's that jerk? A hundred years ago he was my most promising student at Mars University but then, after one fateful pop quiz...

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this.

I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me.

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms.

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship!

Right here. I was going to donate them to the Salvation Air Force, but they're starting to rot. Then I'll just take them and, throw them away, shall I, why not? (MAKING HIGH-PITCHED SOUNDS)

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots.

Coilette's a chick's name!

You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm.

El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned.

LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo! Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal.

I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am.

So what's the secret ingredient? It's whatever your imagination wants it to be.

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness!

And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass. Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!

Let's blow this tomb.

Hand me some more of that cruise director. (ALL GASPING) The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item.

No, this one is. No, this one. Wait... that one was slightly worse. Ah, so far so good on this one. And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar!

No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine.

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud.

Finally, a uniform I'd be happy to be caught dead in. And, boy, does it wick away moisture, gallons and gallons of it. Plus, they're stitched in such a way that, no matter what angle it's viewed from,

Bender, quit destroying the universe!

That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper.

All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay.

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time. It's Amy.

Whoa-oh! Huh? Hey! Tubes? You're older than you said you were.

(ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here.

I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground. Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that.

I think I got whiplash.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score.

(TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

What do you stupid voters want now?

He's good. Tonight we have a new resident here in the Hall of Hominids, generously donated by its discoverer, Hubert Farnsworth. Ladies and gentlemen, Homo Farnsworth. Once again, science saves the day. The end.

Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done. You're the best around

Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you!

Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box.

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to...

If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job. (LAUGHS)

Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer.

A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow.

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner.

Uh, sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention.

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

No! Nibbler, come back! Too bad Nibbler's not around.

I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space.

Never again. I'll never pause again.

I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very... reasonable--

Leela, take my hand! I'm slipping! The one time your hands aren't sticky, they're greasy! Oh, sorry. Normally I would've wiped them on my pants, but... (SCREAMS) (THUD)

Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden.

I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you. Hey, thanks. Wow, this got here just in time. This is Your Majesty's harem.

Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother! I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax-- For duck huntin'. Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics? I concur.

We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum! What are those worms doing to Fry's brain?

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

(YELLS) Well, buddy, how do you like your new home? See, he's happy already.

Or is he? (GASPING) Bender? (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Now let's take this outside, so's no one else gets clamped. You're the boss, stranger. I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one. But then I'm gonna clamp your wounds shut so you stay alive while I clamp you some more!

There's no hurry.

Of course. It's a Mayan calendar. No, wait. There's some dried-up old stew on the screen. Sorry. I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn. AMY: (GASPS) It's not Mayan, it's Martian!

You lied? What else have you been hiding from me? What else? Nothing else. I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan.

Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use. WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo!

Rather. (EXCLAIMS) What's more, couldn't go back even if we wanted to. No more crystalline opal left in all the world, don't you know? My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit. The Queen? Sounds most satisfactory.

Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch?

Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

Hey, what's that? Is it drugs? Nah, it ain't drugs. But it's a lot like drugs. It's called spark.

(BUZZING) After beer and hot wings at a local gas station, the two enjoy intimate time behind a dumpster. It's all perfectly natural. Let's watch, aroused, as Gerald's antenna uploads a binary file to Francine's internal drive.

There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING)

Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us.

There's something really familiar about that melody. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) It's not Walking on Sunshine. It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown. What else is there? I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies. His name is Shazam.

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but... I will destroy you all!

Oh, no! The monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room! Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them.

You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh!

Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow!

Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children. We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting. Amy.

That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

That was weird. It's like the Jagermeister air show all over again. According to Google Hive, we are at the exact center of the honeycomb.

I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

(ALARM BUZZES) Huh? My alarm clock? Is that the music?

Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord!

Women only room!

I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago.

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs?

The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much.

I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really?

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now.

Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh? Yoiks. What was that about?

Come on, Bender! If you're done scamming Beck, we're heading home. All right, all right. Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up. Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care

That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

I guess some grown men just don't like being carried. Thank you, Bender. You brought me right to the lava pit. (LAUGHS) And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah?

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane.

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me?

It contains a parallel universe.

My God, that poor kid.

(MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS) Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"?

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING)

In a stunning turnabout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal. What's next, gay robosexual marriage?

Hey, Fry, take a picture of me biting my own shiny metal ass.

I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah!

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness!

Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment-- a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor.

This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die?

It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy, but this is the dangest wang I ever doodled.

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry.

Hmm... Bender, would you like to make a deal? I'm not stupid. So, yes, absolutely.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela.

I'm sick of my head doing things. Leela! Fry, I came to talk to you. No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever. I am so, so sorry for what I did,

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my-- Gotcha.

I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth. Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind.

(EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody, I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me?

In fact, all life is extinct.

Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut.

Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger. Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away. Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along?

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

BENDER: But... So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot? I still have one thing no robot shall ever have. A good old flesh-and-blood human brain. Yes, a big, smart brain.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) What did you say to them? Eh... Just that Captain Brannigan confused the word for "congratulations" with the word for "spank your sister with bologna." Nicely squawked, madam. Leela, you never told me you had a mother.

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown.

The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity. Up yours, Zoidberg-- up wherever your species traditionally crams things. The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up.

In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives.

Actually, your little stunt did a number on my back. - You mind rubbing it for me? - Uh, sure. Aw, yeah, that's it. Little lower. - How's that? - Lower. Yeah, that's getting it. Little lower, though. I can't get any lower than this. I'll say. You're rubbing my ass.

Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe.

Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out. That was pretty cool. I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us! All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew!

Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in.

The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me.

It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant.

Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too?

Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo!

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed.

Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

I was hatched ready.

Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe! A tapeworm!

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed.

What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box.

The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat. I'm Albert. Kind of fatty. Then how 'bout this little number? Purebred human. - No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh-- If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit.

and significant one-time losses. Psst! Watching myself work is making me hungry. Help me find some food somewhere. I'll not only help you find it, I'll help you do more to it. Ooh, a bot-mitzvah! Shalom hunger.

Love, you're such a sweet thing Good enough to eat thing And that's just a-what I'm gonna do Ooh, love to hold you Ooh, love to kiss you Ooh, love, I love it so Ooh, love, you're sweeter Sweeter than sugar

No, but I control this arm.

Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

Look! The shrimp cart's paying out! Keep going. We're almost outside! Zoidberg, try to just burp up singles. FRY: Blind Joe!

Captain of the Harlem Globetrotters, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate. Konnichiwa, brother. TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

(IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby. And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from...

Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil! LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela. Our only hope is to communicate with the aliens, and show them our peaceful intentions.

- Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show?

Why? It all start 30,000 year ago, in fertile Neander Valley. Life for our ancestors peaceful, until Homo sapiens arrive. We suggest interbreed, become one big happy species.

Shh! Nobody correct him!

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

Don't leave me hanging, Mrs. Brannigan. I come from the sewer, but that is low. I'm not going to translate your lies. Munda, dear, as your captain and soon-to-be husband, I gave you an order. Now, let's tell these vicious lies and get back to our sacred vows. There's not going to be any wedding. I don't want your fancy ring.

Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal? just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear...

Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop! People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that...

I love you so much. Hello.

It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather?

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

Are you here to fumigate the moose head? Uh, no. Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back. Ah, close enough. Come on in. Thanks. Here's your finger back.

Oh, no? I've got one single nail, and another nail to nail it in with. And I'm gonna stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! (SCREAMS)

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain.

Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now!

Flies, flies and gorillas!

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost!

It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that! You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood? I don't know how to say this, Fry. But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever.

Who wants Pop-Tarts?

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here.

Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'. What the-- Termites?

And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up. But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious.

This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone needs to return to the office immediately. Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What?

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up!

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey. Yes, definitely. Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you.

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late.

All aboard the party ship! There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair. There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma!

I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand.

The 29? Interesting. That's all I needed, right? I'm good. Okay, then. Here's your dog back. Seymour!

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear.

If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well.

Robot devil? You can hear me? Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead!

Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took.

So that's the situation. Due to the shortsightedness of Old New York New New York is going to be destroyed by a giant ball of garbage. Fry, what the hell were you people thinking back then? How could you just throw your garbage away? Hey, hey, give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle everything.

(SHRIEKS) Aw... You know what it's like to feel hunted, too, buddy? Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me in my final moments and die at my side? And you die first?

It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump. Kids, let's meet the Humplings!

Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

What the hell was that?

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him...

So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this. (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY)

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring.

Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

Thank you, Bender. I appreciate your honesty.

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

No sweat. We'll just take a spin on the "B" train. Oooh, that feels funny. This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train, making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

Goodbye. (GRUNTS) That's new. Eh, I'll take the beanstalk less traveled.

Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table. The captain's table. What an honor.

Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription.

Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day. Thanks. They're my inspiration. But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me?

I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses...

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) I like it.

Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

and, well, that's no excuse for how I acted. But the boy needs to see that real men... solve their disagreements with words, not violence, so, uh, if you'll accept my apology, well, I hope we can put this embarrassing incident behind us. Mmm. I suppose.

Bender, snap out of it.

it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak?

Aye, aye, lady! Oh, fiddlepoop! Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick. No, but theirs are! (ALARM SOUNDING) Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine.

most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu. Then why'd you become a whale biologist? I don't know you well enough to get into that. Three hundred dollars, please.

Bad news, nobody.

This experiment will determine what food, if any, the alien eats. A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey? Edna!

How come nobody's ice fishing? Hot cocoa break. Cocoa is for yodeling babies. If you're sober, it isn't ice fishing. (CHOKING)

I will go this far and no further.

(KIDS LAUGHING) (GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign!

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

You know, you look even hotter in infrared. Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades. I promise.

Abandon ship! No! Don't give up now. We're but a stone's throw from the pyloric sphincter.

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow! The takeover of Planet Express is approved!

Well, I'm gonna take action. It's time to check on my retirement fund. Damn. Still only a hundred dollars. A penny saved is a penny earned. Also, could you get some athlete's foot cream for my face? He's right. I've got to start investing wisely.

robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. - Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience!

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body,

You go first. I don't want you locking me out there like HAL. Still don't trust me, huh? Well, you can take your lack of trust and jam it in your kidney hole.

Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got.

Down with-- Bender! Down with Bender!

And... action! "Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself,

Your standard bending unit is made of an Iron-osmium alloy, but Bender was different. Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me. If you ever needed a small package brought into the country...

For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills. Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero. So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

(SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew.

Oh, it's you. Just let me freshen up. Computer, Captain's musk. (SIGHS)

Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous. Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.

Incoming! Thanks, Colonel.

Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.

Calculon really Shatnered the hell out of that scene. Hey, anyone want to go to the aquarium?

I'm gonna die. Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story...

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely.

You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight. I'd rather have one last night with my family. You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us? Wise choice, son.

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top. And she had a beautiful, scaly tail and I think she had hair extensions.

Okay, deaf-o. Courtesans and gentle fops, I bid you welcome to my opera. Let us cavort like the Greeks of old. You know the ones I mean.

Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement.

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences!

Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type. Oh, yeah? Read it and weep. I'm a certified college dropout. Please. Everyone knows 20th century colleges were basically expensive daycare centers. That's true.

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity.

Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler.

Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

Multi-ball! Multi-ball!

Honey, we all do. But fair is fair. Zoidberg, I... I know we have never been friends, but I appreciate what you did. Thank you. Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

Saying B... E-n... Der! Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet.

(BOTH GASP) Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy. (SNARLING)

"It was lovable old Bender."

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time! Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs!

Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned.

It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here. Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands. Reschedule.

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead?

So this is where they stick old people. It's horrific.

Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

l-e-e-l-a Leela

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him!

Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time.

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My."

(BOTH GROANING)

Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela. Dude, over here. It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay!

Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. (WHISPERS) I hope it's me. Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

She's out of control! You win again, gravity. Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already.

you were the only one immune to the brains' mental attack. Because I'm so smart? Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time...

(GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest!

The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom.

DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program.

a mutually beneficial arrangement.

This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman.

What's happening? I feel weird.

Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action.

tell them right now.

How could this not be hurting you? I once killed a sea turtle with these boots.

i'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning like A whiRlpool, it never ends... A little lower. Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower.

AMY: It's working.

So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years. If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it.

Hold me. (SCREAMING)

So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit! Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding.

Here, let me help you.

I choose to not understand these signs.

as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you! Oh, my!

but I guess I showed myself. Subjects, please enter the chamber. Now, to take a D.N.A. sample. Ooh!

Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way.

What? What's going on here? Wow!

Well, we're boned. No, we're not! We just got to limbo. But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music. (BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it! Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS)

I like a man who's flexible.

(CRYING) I want to go home! But Ndnd would never take me back now.

Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president. Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again?

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight. You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it.

I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

That's a calculator. I ate it to gain its power. You locate Inspector 5 while I slip into my ass-kicking feet. (GASPS) Sweet file-not-found of Puget Sound. His record's been blanked.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent.

You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker. Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in,

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon?

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah.

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

She'll never know we're her parents. That's our gift to her.

Your Honor, that facility has been full...

(ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox,

With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

Leela, please tell the others that... Whoa.

They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology. Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast.

Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.

Hey, Leela, look at me!

Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

I present this monument, titled simply, "Heroes." (SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry. (SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony. Who is this non-Washington redskin?

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing?

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising.

Leela, those eyes look so great on you. Bah! I think she looked fine before. Wow! Look at me! Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching.

Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here. - These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility. That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley,

Sounds like a plan. This is what makes life worth clinging to. Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons. It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life. Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

...like us, they speak by dancing. Of course! Having no mouths or ears, they could only communicate through motions. Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance. But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha?

You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler. Me? Award?

Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

(CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die. (CHILDREN CHEERING)

Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone!

What is it, something you put in salad dressing? Like you've ever seen a salad. My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up.

What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise!

Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come? Yeah, okay. What's the weather like? The usual. Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork?

Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo!

Is the Space Pope reptilian?

My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life!

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

Everyone to the situation room!

Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo! Oh.

Amy, why don't you help Fry hoist down the crate? Then lock up when you're done. just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am. Clear? Clear. Ready to hoist? Ready. Ow!

Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal.

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.

Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

(CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

You're boopin' my betty. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies. We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment.

(RINGING DOORBELL) (SOBBING) Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole.

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him!

Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews

Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet?

Then with the clamps, Francis. Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease. (DOORBELL DINGS) Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job.

This I cannot deny.

Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding: I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all.

Oh! Aah! Ohh! Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe! This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick!

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

I think you were in it. Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm...

Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you.

Oh. Are you my mommy? Negative. Ooh.

We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS) All right, how we feeling? Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer.

to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa.

the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this. Unless you let us live. Then you'll get off scot-free. joey, Clamps... hurry up and blindfold them before they see us some more. Hey, boss looks like somebody beat us to it. I'll assume that's a joke at my expense.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart. You go fight biggest brain of all.

for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

Did-Did you just talk?

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

You got it, Judge. I think you'll find this verdict as fair as it is cruel. Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy! Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke. It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again.

(ALL CRY OUT) (CAMERA CLICKING)

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish.

What's wrong? Nothing.

I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings. Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty.

Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger? Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

What the-- An alien language.

So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg.

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot Rite my riny retal rass!

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

Yo, Cosmic F. What up? Hey, my old break dancing crew. I haven't seen you guys in years. What are you up to?

Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity. MAN: Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama. Okay, crew. Xmas break is over.

"You gotta do what you gotta do."

Truly, his is the most famous face in Hollywood. Even if no one's ever photographed it, nor ever will. Once again, television has given me a reason to live. A photo of Langdon Cobb without his bag? Impossible. He's got a 50-foot-high force field around his house.

Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

You have a boil on your butt that sings show tunes with you? Don't look at me. I'm a freak. No, no, well... I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha. (SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah.

I'm hungrier than a green snake in a sugarcane field. Friends, friends, surely you're not going to eat before we say robot grace. - Oh, man. - Uh... In the name of all that is good and logical we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg.

But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One.

Sean, why is this hussy at our resort? Your resort? This is our vacation. Could've fooled me. Quiet, Fry. This is between me and the lady in the hooter hammock.

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so...

Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

I'd better seduce her a little more, just to be sure.

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

- Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

That's the one I was secretly hoping for.

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here.

Because I have a photographic memory, and I remember every night.

All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy.

I'm scared and confused.

Sweet zombie Jesus! Like it's not hard enough to make a freakin' TV show for under 50 bucks.

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto.

And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream.

Merry Xmas, everyone.

Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in.

Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain?

The space gorilla's just like us Although I breathe chlorine (CHEERING) Wow, I can't believe you imaginated all that stuff. Will you come back again and tell us more stories, and also adopt us all?

Where in Babylon is Bender?

I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint.

MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about...

You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes. When he stops insulting, that's when I worry. Oh, dear! I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal.

his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud. To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific. Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works! Leave me alone! (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them. Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance.

Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp.

There's your wallet, your guitar, and your gun. You're free to go.

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct!

Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music. (PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING) (CHUCKLING)

(HEARTBEAT) No!

requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

- Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker?

You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Yeah, you should write a song about a heartless robot who leaves his best friend to be murdered. Look, Leela, I'd love to write about my own experiences... The heartless robot is Bender. The best friend is me. How can you people be so blind?

I fInd that offensive!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft.

I sure as hell don't. Anyway, I've done my part. The species is saved! (ALL CHEERING) And so, the survival of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured.

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

(LOUD SLAMMING) (PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous. There's no such thing as whatever you're saying.

It's all about appearances.

He'll blow Mr. Peppy's head off as painlessly as possible. No, not MacZongo! If anyone is going to kill Mr. Peppy, it should be me. Fry, I know you're upset right now, but I hope you'll consider donating the body to science dinner. (SLURPING)

Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is. Nope. Pretty, though. Hey, hey, wait... It's doing something. I'll protect you. Hi... Ow!

In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain.

Oh, shush. And just once, before I die I'd like to be Supreme Overlord of Earth. So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet!

But the sign said there was a mint in the box. (ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good.

What have I done?

Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something. I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it!

Uh-oh. He froze up again.

Roger that. Kiff, get me ten cases of Pert 'n' Popular. What shall I do with your jergens, sir? Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows. Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service. That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and...

Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend.

The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs.

I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia.

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up.

Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered.

He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere.

Too late. This is more fun.

Sally, that's wonderful. You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air? How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero.

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine.

He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay.

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

Ach du freakin' Lieber!

But... what's happening? Fry! Thank God we found you. Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days.

The universe is caught in a time loop.

My what now? Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991. I'll bet I can get as many followers as you without sinking to your level. What do you say? First one to a million followers wins a buck. You're on! (EXCLAIMS) Send. What happens to the loser?

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in?

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

What up? Stick to the oath. Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous

Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING) (BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth!

We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side.

ALL: Aw! On the whole, Earth's society is worthless.

but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound?

I'm scared of him.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it. Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom?

"The Grumpy Snail." Sorry.

And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous

Oh, sorry. (FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves.

Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES) Ow!

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny.

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with-- Bender! Down with Bender!

Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo!

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

Let the games begin!

Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you? Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line?

That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle! Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution. Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right?

Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

I maintain a cubicle here for weekend getaways.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender. Charmed. I'm the Countess De La Roca.

One, two. One, two, three.

Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir.

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap.

I got wheels with clickety clackers. Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts.

I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might. Leela, who are you talking to?

Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag,

Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

Like Kaboom cereal. And my family. Oh, fuff. The memory still exists somewhere in your subconscious mind. Amy, prepare the radio-cranial dream injector. Okay. What is it?

Oh, stupid TV. Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do.

There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine. (CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it.

Now here's a route with some chest hair.

This show is about me! And it always has been! Now, find the co-executive hack who wrote this drivel and tell him I want 37 more climactic speeches by lunch! Cut! That was terrible! Just stick to the script. And if you don't get it on the second take, you're fired. Let's take five, people.

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am.

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."

I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots. Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

(CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

They will not eat everyone on Earth. I filled up on nuts at the negotiation.

Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast. Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people.

Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood. Mmm. Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't--

In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge?

Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

And what about these funky table legs?

Welcome to Debate 3012, the 3,012th debate of the 3012 election year. We have a crowded field of candidates, so I will dispense with the informal terrorizing and begin the questions. Is this the political process?

But let us all find comfort knowing that she truly loved me. To honor my pain, I shall star in a film dedicated to her memory. And this time, the Academy will not deny me. Not when they see Coilette: The Calculon Story.

I couldn't get past the protestors. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers. (GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain. Your Honor, it's all true--

So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars, you all get to go to some camp? Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.

You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta.

Good night, employees. Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats.

Tonight at 11:00... (SHOUTING) Doom!

How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind.

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth. I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card.

(HISSING) (ALL GASP) Ah, look at the cute little... Aah! I was gonna go yachting in those feet! (HISSING) Oh! (GRUMBLING) Oh! Oh!

A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot!

Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again? Don't want to. Rather nice, living under the Crown and so forth. Rather. (EXCLAIMS) What's more, couldn't go back even if we wanted to. No more crystalline opal left in all the world, don't you know?

I wuv my mommy. Hello, dearies. Mom! It's me, Bender!

Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama."

It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald. What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor.

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs.

Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains.

Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

Thank you, Don-bot.

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

This way! Oh! Oh!

Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest!

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me!

My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper. (ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow!

(ALL GRUNTING) (SNEEZES) Uh-oh! - What the... - (GASPS)

Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research. Ahh.

It's been a long time you pus-dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky. Uh-huh. May I come in? Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it.

I can't believe your show was banned.

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line.

I made this bracelet so that in some small way, we'll always be with you. Even when it doesn't seem like it.

Planet Express Ship? Is that you? Oh. Hi, fry. Is Bender home? Uh, no. Um, I think he's at his parents. Oh, i see. He didn't fly there in another spaceship, did he? Bender? No. He's an old-fashioned, one-spaceship robot.

It's explosive. Maybe we could escape by setting fire to the distillery... and blowing this whole place to rubble. Let's get a little kindling going. No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered.

(CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for. Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No! Ahh.

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone. Can I drive? No.

to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go--

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Malachi, jr.! No! Daddy? I can't hold much longer. My arms are tired from hugging. Save him! Save my son, oh, Metal Lord!

Now, listen. I could never, ever be ashamed of my parents. I'll see you this weekend. - Hey, guess who I just got off the videophone with? - No! My parents! They're coming up from the sewers for a visit Sunday. Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground...

Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

And I mean all the time. But what would that be like? I mean, if we were together, where would we be 10 years from now? Still here? Definitely. Or somewhere else. (SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future?

You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime. Ta-da!

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

Hey, here's a giggle.

Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out. Oh, you!

Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this?

Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now.

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers.

Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff.

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

Um, when you're writin' the Bible, you might want to omit that last miracle.

Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

And one more to wash that Slurm taste out of my mouth. So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet.

(BOTH SCREAM) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people! And all it cost me was my crotch plate. You certainly are a shrewd businessman, Bender. Now find someone and give 'em a good blast. Yeah! That'll teach the first person I see a lesson.

Happy birthday!

(SNORING) So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me?

Pretty woman walkin' down the street Pretty woman Ow! Ow! Ow! The kind I like tO meet pretty woman I don't believe you you're not the truth

Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry...

So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us.

Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court!

Smite someone who deserves it for once.

All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING) (ALL GASP) Ah, look at the cute little... Aah! I was gonna go yachting in those feet!

Wow, the interesting thing about that is... (SNORING)

I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass. Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well.

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

I told these guys you were cool.

But, sir, children watch this show. Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger!

you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

I knew Bender would turn up purely by coincidence. Take care of him, but do it quietly. Don't worry. We're in space, where no one can hear you clamp. (LAUGHS EVILLY) What do you know? The Feds gave Bender a new identity as a Moon farmer. He must be afraid to break character,

My scrapes feel a little better now. Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing?

Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private?

And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no.

Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

And now to fulfill my destiny! Fire! What the--

I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) For Rigel 7 and all mankind!

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

Score! This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine.

I'd like everyone to meet our new employees. Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not?

just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped.

I love this job.

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room. Shall we adjourn to the dungeon?

That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

Anyway, the important thing is to be relaxed tomorrow. Are you sure? Yes. Do what you young people do to unwind. Take a joyride in your jalopy. Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go!

I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as... Calculon! Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more!

Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

So the picture robbed them of their souls? Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen. It's scientific. That's why the robot's immune. He has no soul. Life force! So, how do we get their life forces back? If we poke a hole in Cobb's bag,

Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again? No, he died yesterday. Rust monsters ate his face. Sweet dreams! (WHIMPERING) (KNOCKING) Psst!

Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Along with juice, toast, ham, eggs, bacon, milk, cheese, liver, waffles and a big horse vitamin. And now, back to our show. Healthy, healthy, healthy Healthy purpleberries are Eat purpleberries and you'll be a star Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond.

We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it.

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years.

Blurry. Lens cap's still on. CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time. (GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this. I'll be in my day-off trailer.

Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh. What about me?

We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

I didn't realize.

Man, that one was a blast. It wasn't just a blast. It was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which happened to take the form of a drinking contest. Now, look here, Bender, I respect your diversity to the extent the law requires but you used up all your days off when you had that bout with roberculosis.

It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet? Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What? Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor.

Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups.

Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission. Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough.

Why did it give us those hallucinations? Because it didn't! Yeah-uh. Opal has unusual temporal properties. It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble. Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look!

In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles. We can't call them that. Why not? It sounds too much like those frozen Rocky Mountain oysters on a stick. You know, Testsicles.

(ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later? Not if Zoidberg eats the money. Everything he swallows turns invisible.

I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

Look, Kif, I probably am the mother-- although maybe I'm not. Of course, I hope I am, but just in case I'm not, maybe we should have a test. A test! I demand a test!

FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself?

"Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy." My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy!

Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization. Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes.

What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there.

Read the Constitution.

They're getting married. Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem.

I'll let my hair down and you can climb up! That's not hair. I don't care what it is. I just like climbing.

Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch. I mean, I'm pulling down delivery-boy money. Fry, she's pulling down billionaire trust-fund money. Then she wants me as a trophy husband. Leela, you gotta come to Europa with us. I can't be alone with her. So, ready for a secluded picnic with just you and me?

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

Definitely probably not. Just sign this contract. Wow.

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus?

Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender.

Yeah, let's do those Leela things! (YELLS) Well, buddy, how do you like your new home?

You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain.

Kill all humans!

I made free with it. Since when do you care or even know about foxhunting?

Let's all go to the lobby.

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be.

And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

Not to mention the adventure of marriage. Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet.

I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it!

ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh.

With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party

Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

Bring it on, baby!

Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five

Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look! Schlock and more schlock. Psst. Is the coast clear? Button your yap, you mug. I've discovered a new means of time travel.

It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress.

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences.

At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth?

They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

Uh-huh. Amy Wong. And you are? Mad at Wong family.

Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry!

It costs a little more, but it's worth it. Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo?

On my planet-- Reload. So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then-- Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

Well, I do think of human life as expendable. No fair. Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out. Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic.

A man can sneak off to do two things.

Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face! It called me what? (INTENSE GRUNTING) Yay! You bended it like a pretzel. Okay, now you. (GRUNTS)

Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge. Collect call from...

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will. "Here lies Philip J. Fry,

Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender.

Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind. Uh, it's funny, Bender. With you sick and Leela blind only I know what really went on up there. Maybe someday I'll tell you the whole story. And maybe someday, I won't listen.

Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people.

He's good all right, but he's no Clem johnson. And johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory. Clem johnson?! That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old robot leagues. Now, wireless joe jackson-- There was a blern-hitting machine.

Let's go, Bender.

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye?

The New Justice Team

I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed.

Well, at least we get a window. Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours.

He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is.

Oh, well-- I mean, what!

When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to.

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola. The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey.

(CHUCKLING) (ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches!

Oh, geez. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Avast, mateys! Electronically transfer your space doubloons... afore I send thee to Davy jarg's Locker.

We've come for you. Oh! Wh-Wh-What do you want from me? We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again. Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom... Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints? But... what's happening?

Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket.

Come on, Leela. You can do it! Hurry, we're missing our bus!

Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh?

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah!

Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry.

What a lovely face. We just need to draw attention away from the eye area.

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you!

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time.

To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer.

Wow! Look at all this filth. It's not filth. It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century.

We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me,

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops! (SPEAKING ANGRILY IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) It's the Battle of Paco's Tacos all over again. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing?

. Good news, everyone.

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today.

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time. Funny, funny stuff.

Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger.

Steady. Steady. Now!

Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting.

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new.

My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up.

Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny?

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist. But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once.

And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump. ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

Uh-huh. May I come in?

He looks radiant. Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed. The time skips haven't stopped at all. Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure. You tricked me into marrying you, didn't you? Of course not!

No can do, Slurms.

And with the polls now closed in every time zone worldwide, from Tomorrowland to the Republic of Yesterday, we are able to declare a winner.

Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions. That's a full-time job.

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it. I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab.

(COUGHING) Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys.

Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma. We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time. My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home!

As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me. Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right?

Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

(GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no!

the alleged creationist faces a sentence of death by melting.

Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty. Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second.

Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

That's an awful lot of eagle.

An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe. You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie. Make it an implosion. By God, Sweet Clyde is right! An implosion might just form a black hole... that would stop more chronitons from escaping.

The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal.

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

Oww! Not so rough!

"You're my man." Ooh! So close. I'm not impressed by a guy's message, Fry.

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

Damn it, Fry! He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain. I'm worried about him. He didn't come back with the group. He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero.

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese.

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover. Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us." Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you.

Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap. (YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine.

I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy.

All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature. Why? It all start 30,000 year ago, in fertile Neander Valley. Life for our ancestors peaceful, until Homo sapiens arrive.

Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo! What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation.

It's just for a package delivery service. Ah-ah! A package is just a box until it's delivered. Huh! I'd never thought of it that way.

I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it! Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you!

Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask?

Hey, looky there. (SCREAMING) (GASPS) Those robo-cavemen have kidnapped our human regular-women.

There you are. Good as new, except for your dorsal Fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living. I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you.

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

And even if it were possible, which it's not, it would still be inconceivable... Which it is!

Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished.

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with. It's the waiting I can't stand. That's stupid.

It's been a long time you pus-dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky. Uh-huh. May I come in?

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING) (TRAIN HONKING)

(BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING)

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines?

Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk. Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow.

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.!

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster.

Hey, Bender? Yeah? Whoa!

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan!

Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.

What should we do next? I wanna see the edge of the universe. Ooh! That sounds cool. It's funny. You live in the universe, but you never do these things till someone comes to visit.

They're so cold! And yet hell is so hot!

Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have a big hand for our finalists, cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name. Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll,

Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!"

Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks. I can finally afford my speech therapy.

Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

(SCREECHES) Zoidberg, you are the greatest hero. You saved us all.

(CHITTERING) Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS)

Don't worry. I'll drop the anchor. She's diving into the fourth dimension. We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34! All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back!

And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm!

(BLOWS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

Now that I am a full and equal member of the crew, I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity and, dare I say it, my friendship. Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again?

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on.

That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.

Bender, is that thou? I love you.

Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo!

Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so. But for right now, enjoy the sounds of the world's smallest violin. I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela,

Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money... Please don't leave.

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry.

Okay. Don't panic. I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm.

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut!

Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do. HERMES: Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter. What the hell is it? Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries. Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no. Oh, my.

Good news, multiplayers. After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not.

You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about?

I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh!

Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos.

Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one!

For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up. Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness. just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle?

and we're bringing him back. Fry, you'll have to dress up like a 160-year-old man. I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible.

Whatever. Now, Admiral, in exchange for your promise not to attack us, we will grant you exclusive fishing rights in Supernova Scotia. (TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Well, okay.

I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

You certainly are a shrewd businessman, Bender.

Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing! We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles!

of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Did-Did you just talk? Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well. Like what? Ooh!

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity...

Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers.

I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm.

Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

Oh, no, they caught my scent. I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip.

Yes, Moon-Pa? These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met. Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act. Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer.

(ALL GROANING) Shut up and put on four episodes of The Office.

No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite!

You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own.

To one who lives there She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread.

That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up? Well, now what are we going to do?

Hey! Betsy! This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters.

Leela, I want you to know... I think the way you moved those stars around was really wonderful. I got you something. Moderately priced domestic non-vintage champagne! How did you know? You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever stops to tell you what a great captain you are. Aw. That is so true and sweet.

Oh, shake that thing! You gotta use it, ladies! Shake it up a little! That's right! Come on! Work it out! Madam, I am one impressed celebrity. Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex. Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

Precisely. However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again. I found the board! Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision.

He's pending for a bending.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww,

I was just telling him that, Leela. Mom? You know Leela? Nope. Leela, what are you doing in my dream? The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream. That's as close as I'm gonna get.

Surprise! It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle.

And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that.

Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil.

You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive. Wa-hoo. Pardon me. Excuse me. Ah, I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness. Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate?

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock?

- Lassie is on display in the Louvre. - I know. I was deliberately describing a similar situation. Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect. Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot!

Get ready for one sexy firehouse.

(BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit! It's over, Dad. It ain't over!

(MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight?

"Dripping and dripping, year upon year, "century upon century..." What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners.

I watch TV with that guy. Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses

crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay. I don't understand evolution,

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no? Then just don't show up. I'll get the message.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you.

I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla.

I made this bracelet so that in some small way, we'll always be with you. Even when it doesn't seem like it.

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon.

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

A little drinking, a little fighting. Get off my back.

Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern.

(ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

I may be against the fur industry but that won't stop me from skinning you alive... as long as no one wears the skin. Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned. Hey! Flexo! Get him!

And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats. I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists. Don't wave your fancy degrees at me.

Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume!

I said, hit the hay!

Well, you can take your lack of trust and jam it in your kidney hole. The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS)

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Sweet lion of Zion. Look at the professor go.

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop.

Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn.

Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet. So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

Do you think perhaps, you and I...

Hey! Betsy! This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters. Yes, everybody love Betsy. We going to eat her at Amy's wedding--

Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork. And now, Chairman koji will present... the theme ingredient to be used in every dish today. If it's chicken, chicken À la King.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0.

Wernstrom! The very same.

You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic.

(GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here?

I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces. What, are you on a diet?

Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir.

It's time to put a real scientist in charge. Wernstrom! The very same.

Cut to the chase, smokey. How do I get out of limbo? (LAUGHING) That's the laughy part. You can't! You're stuck in an infinite loop. An infinite loop? I don't have time for that!

Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy.

Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance.

What? Straight-A transcript?

El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here? The tide is coming in. Quiet. The beast approaches.

So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up. How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song? He found a way.

Those cheaters must have cheated!

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid?

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

(LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate. What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream.

Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight.

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

After all, you're only human.

Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours. Ah, marriage. It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not.

Me next! Oh! "Anyhoo," your net suits will let you experience...

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh!

This is it. We'll just run in, grab Bender's disk, and run out. Got it? Mm-hmm. Wow!

Submitted for your Emmy consideration, a popular senator with unpopular ideas. There is no such thing as space aliens! Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us? I'll tell you how!

Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down.

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this.

I'll get us out of here. Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything.

I know it won't affect me. Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends.

Using that, I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry. Oh, Kif, it's so romantic!

Today, I actually blended in with a crowd! Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names?

Wait. I've got it! This building's technically in the theater district. If we could mount one big musical featuring everyone's talents, we might just save Planet Express! We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life,

Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddleplane... with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze.

We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal...

You know what? I will help you,

Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot...

That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad. Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

(SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York...

I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name!

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Let me show you around. That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire. Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself.

Button your yap, you mug. I've discovered a new means of time travel. I'll call it the Farnsworth Effect! Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

Yeah. Looks like everybody's got somebody... except me. And me. Ow!

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out.

Ah, bloody chunder! Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job! Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

Not one more word shall I breathe. Not even about the great fountain where thou mayest find the... Wait... Thou didst not know about the fountain, didst thou? Curses! I must be punished.

but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish.

It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow!

Oh... I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us.

Good news, everyone!

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on.

Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher,

Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league! That's why you're going to lose next week's title match. But the crowd loves me.

Well, we're boned.

Challenger-er Bender-er! That's my robot! I own him! You honor me, Chairman Koji. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw. I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep.

You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!"

Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade. Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking.

Let me just adjust the seat. My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

Mommy? Why is that man like that? Don't look at him.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

"Esteemed potentates of omicron Persei 8, "please accept these 20 billion candy hearts... as proof that Earth loves you," this much!

Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

That's what being a scientist is all about, right, Professor? Let's ride.

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

There's not going to be any wedding. I don't want your fancy ring. Careful! That's glass! Leela was right. You're a lousy man and a lousy captain. And I'm going to tell our Carcaron friends the truth. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Zapp... Lying sack of... (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope.

Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

Hmm! What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet!

Oh, well, that's good enough for me. Welcome aboard, lad.

Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point?

It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded. What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.

No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

As a pitcher, I serve up plenty of beanballs, so I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest.

here are the finalists for next week's championship. Bender and Tonya! I just wanna have fun because dancing is fun, and I like dancing. ALL: Aww! I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl. (ALL GASP)

So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

You see, you'll be protected by my fermion barrier heat-exclusion spray. Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING) (ALL GASP)

Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Gentle now. Gentle with the hover dumpster.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Why did you boys do all this? We just wanted you to be proud of us. Proud of you? You ruined us with sleazy business practices... and a complete disregard for human decency. Of course we're proud of you. Damn right we are! Now, come on!

Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does.

Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this?

Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

Oh, man, there's always a catch!

You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night? Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters. Don-bot, I beg you.

What would you say we are, Fry?

'Bot wash, yeah Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush. Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing. Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS)

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man! It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots.

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip!

Well, old Bender will make you laugh.

All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial. Prosecutor? Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering.

Let's blow this tomb. Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach--

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work--

We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned! But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole! Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name.

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh!

So get to work on these dishes. Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see. Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but...

What I've become.

Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job.

Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans. Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we--

FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it! Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise.

Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway. Hello? What?

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things. Ah, Leela's not that bad. I just wish she didn't make us work so much. Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty.

Hello, tiny man.

(BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care.

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

Welcome to robot hell.

to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum!

Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli, and that's-- Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

It's every man for himself!

Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind!

Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?!

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him!

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

Well, for the next week, we'll be doing hundreds of trust falls from every possible height and level of gravity. Or we could not do that. At the start of every retreat, I like to demonstrate the power of trust by finding a perfect stranger to be my assistant.

Hey, look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with. The Earth is under attack. Can't we just forget about that? Evidently not. Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone.

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood.

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you.

One, two! one, two, three!

I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet. Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together. You're breaking up with me?

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die!

Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass.

Oh, we were just cuttin' onions, honey. Let's keep going. "Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button." "You eat a sausage made of Fry." "Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet.

Whoa, there's writing in here! Also, this grease is flammable. (GRUNTS) Incredible! Who could have done this, the sewer mutants?

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

Bender is falling! Whoa!

You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery. Oh, I don't know. It doesn't seem fair to Marianne. But on the other claw, maybe I can't live without her. So, you're right. I can never tell her.

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter.

But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission.

Not in the hair, please. I just had it did. Oh, no. These broads are supposed to wrestle for six and a half weeks, but there's only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks. We're still getting paid, right? I told you it's an audition!

Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages! Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you.

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here.

(ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING) (GROWLING) (BARKING) (SNARLING)

Hmm. You call that an antenna?

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender.

People of Earth... Shh! Hmm.

(CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her.

Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please.

And stop calling me.

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man!

Zoidberg, I... I know we have never been friends, but I appreciate what you did. Thank you. Never been friends?

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night--

I don't know which I like more smashing cars or smashing faces. Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight. Now, come on, we got church tomorrow.

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders,

Oh, dear. Oh, goodness. Oh, odds and bodkins.

God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

I get a good vibe from this place--

I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers. Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan,

Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already.

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela?

Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

Misery, what misery? I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard.

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad. Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, monsignor.

What am I going to do?

But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother?

Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful. Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be--

Hey, pookums, contrary to what I was sayin' earlier, melding minds with you would be extremely bearable. You really mean it? Uh, yes.

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are!

welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson!

MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot. And I'm gonna tell you all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down? (TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY) Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat.

I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do!

I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance. Okay, Fry.

Even when it doesn't seem like it. During your entire life, for example. You won't pass for human, cutie. But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop, this note should convince them you're an alien.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes?

Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

The takeover of PlanEx Corp by Mom's Delivery Company... will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

You disgust me. Go on. At that point, our skin becomes a semipermeable membrane...

It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered.

Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah! You're dead meat!

With so many toys to build The machines are kinda tricky Probably someone will be killed But we gladly work for nothing Which is good because we don't intend to pay The elves are back to work today Hooray!

just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all.

Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?

Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

Uh-oh, a fork in the path.

Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song,

Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks. Hey.

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat."

O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month. Graduation day.

On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS)

Goodbye, boy. I'll think of you whenever I sit on something round. (SCREAMS) (EVERYONE GASPS) What's happening? Did you kill it? The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody!

Correct. 6,000 hulls. Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto? To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no.

it's good to be home. It sure is. By the way, I saved your stuff. So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge.

Ready? Retreat!

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

It sounds dangerous. Someone could get killed. Fry, Leela, Bender, I want you to go with him.

Come on. Come on!

Shmeezus, it's hot! Why'd I have to invent that awful device? (CRYING) (HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil. It's how it's used. Like the death ray.

The Bender of the 15th century!

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash?

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two. Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough. I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me.

But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Just remember, your daddy loves you. Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that. (SOBS) Dad, are you crying? No! I said with the mouth you're looking at.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it. By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away.

Again, no idea what that means.

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu!

Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious.

Is that so much to ask? Well, I think you dating a manbot is a disgrace. And I refuse to be involved. And you have way too much lipstick on! Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't!

(SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink! We should have brought a gun. (GROANING) That was one hell of a weekend in Vegas.

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again. Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all.

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

We can reintroduce it to the wild and repopulate the species. Yeah, let's do those Leela things! (YELLS)

We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

Okay, you can have my nose. - Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me.

Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley? 'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it. But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He--

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

What? Awww. Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see.

Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

none has a more thrilling life cycle than the intrepid salmon. It all begins in a cold, freshwater stream, where the salmon eggs incubate. I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon.

Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen. I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month. Graduation day. So grow a pair and put them together for our new officers! (CROWD CHEERING) Hooray for the pigs! Graduates, you are hereby officially cops. Now move it along, nothing to see here. (ALL CHEERING)

We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool. Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

Where have you been?

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

(GASPS) (SLURPS) (BURPS) (WHINNIES) It's like a fairytale! Finally, a turn for the better.

Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik.

Say again? You're breaking up.

Ugh. Yes, Malachi, what is it this time? My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful.

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack! Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet? Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What? Look, never mind the words.

What is your purpose here? Huh? All right, Officer. I'll move along. What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say.

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat.

Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here. Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam!

Let my people stay! Neat. Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer,

Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert!

All right. Caught you! I saw you looking at the atom. So? I look at lots of atoms. Shouldn't you be resting up for your shift?

To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment.

You stink, loser.

More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

And in sports Yankees' fifth blurnsman, William Woo is out with an injured knee. So humans have easily injured knees.

Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city?

Uh, I suppose so.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that. Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch.

(STAMMERING) A ghost? No, just the regular kind.

Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway?

One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman. Of course! Duh!

You're all right. Or are you?

They're attention parasites. They feed on the admiration of their prey. Just like the noble buffalo. Nothing like a buffalo. Anyone who pays attention to the lichen is unknowingly feeding it.

All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

(SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation.

It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

What the... All right, good enough. Let's go. He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams... and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up!

It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

I'll fetch my hand tools.

and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day. Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine. Still, to have your own pool.

Don't worry, shippums, with a whole junkyard of spare parts to work with, I'll turn you into a tepid rod. Oh! What the heck? A hot rod! (WHIRRING) (EXCLAIMS)

What really matters in life is that people care about you, whether it's a whole crowd, or just one diehard fan. Aww.

- (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty.

Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots. Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows!

Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that, I now know exactly how to end my comic book. Let's watch.

This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea!

There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea.

All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela. Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late!

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

Look out for the next thing!

(LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh! It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous. You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out!

It's inhabited by robots.

And that's just a-what I'm gonna do Ooh, love to hold you Ooh, love to kiss you Ooh, love, I love it so

I mean, the irony is palpable. Oops! Whoopsie! My bad.

Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die?

We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this. It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone.

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders...

You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What? (BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct!

I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela!

a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

That's why we kept you on the farm, and helped you get your online doctorate in Rodeo Studies. (STUTTERING) Rodeo Studies? We did it out of love for you, Floyd. Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert! You're Hubert? The older brother?

I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis...

Your mistake is being humans.

Oh, my God! What in Babylon? no!

That was the worst delivery ever.

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies.

That's Amy's sweatshirt.

Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior. Therefore, the battle is already over.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid.

One, two! one, two, three!

He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue.

Good riddance. What about my service?

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder.

(FEEDBACK SCREECHES) (WHOOPS) Gather 'round, yokel wannabes! This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted! Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new club record, I'll eat my hat. (BELL CLANGS) (BUZZER) 0.4 seconds! A new club record for shortest ride.

Can't beat fresh-squeezed.

I'm not gonna put that in my song.

And no one will ever know.

What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.

Amy, prepare the radio-cranial dream injector. Okay. What is it? (PULSING) Here's the deal. We'll induce a dream state in which Fry will reenact the day of December 31, 1999. The rest of us will watch everything on this monitor.

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane.

It's the Y2K trying to lure us into an ambush, and I ain't buyin' it. Pass the bologna. Are you two gonna be done soon?

What the heck? You want to go out? Let's really go out.

(SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through!

Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set.

Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS) Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in. - I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man.

Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal.

Okay, that's what I thought.

Choke on that, causality!

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Squid attack! Hit the deck!

Ah! More meat than a cow! I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

Company? How cute! What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance?

we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks.

I have something for you. A remote control? You got me a TV? No, my dearest. It's the remote control to my heart. It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. Will it work on my TV?

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt.

Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd. It's an orangutan one of Mother Earth's most precious creatures. Hmm.

Oh, it's far from a'ight. MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right? It's a Crud and he's got a gun! Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror. It was self-defense. We are the Cruds, but we're over here. And don't shoot. That crate is a gift from us.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day.

Well, I got through the night, and no one looked in the box. Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek.

You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender.

Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying.

Poor Fry once stood online six hours just to get me a ticket.

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12.

Of all the creatures in the Galapagos, none is rarer or more tragic than the Pinta Island tortoise. Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome.

Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free-- You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!"

I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

(CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds. Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true. Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers.

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo!

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes--

Hey, I was watching that! The Saints just needed a field goal to tie! Lrrr, you lazy ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! You said you would conquer a planet today, but you have not even shed your skin yet. Yes, Ndnd. I heard you the first hundred times.

You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough. You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids.

Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this?

I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist.

If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch.

A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

Damn it, Bender,

(DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness. Professor Ogden Wernstrom.

Zoidberg, I... I know we have never been friends, but I appreciate what you did. Thank you. Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad.

No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain. Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods.

Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done! (ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor!

We have to get to that pile of dead bears by 7:38. A pile of dead bears can only mean one thing. But what? It's the 7:38! Jump! BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

jungles on earth? I see some movement up there. I think it's him. Stand back. Oops.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it.

Well, let's get looting.

Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg." Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it?

Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power!

Give it to him again, Andrew!

Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

Aw, crap. Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions.

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si!

(GRUNTING) Leela? You look beautiful, Mom. Really? I'm not showing too much sucker for a lady my age? Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride.

(TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway. If we want to breathe sulfuric acid and get our heads torn off by giant lizards, we can always go to Gary, Indiana. Even I would never send you to Gary, Indiana. But I am sending you to Omicron Persei 8.

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--"

That was not worth $3,000. (GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here?

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole.

I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here, I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people. How dare you. You want to understand something? Look at that lake. One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face.

After a while, you just sort of tune it out. You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good.

(GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible?

Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh! Wh-Wh-What do you want from me? We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again. Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom...

You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING)

(BARKING) (CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment. Any word from Leela?

Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride. I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS)

Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances.

Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him! Two, four, six, eight. Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists.

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night.

(STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS) Sign here. Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender,

Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

This explains everything, even the big bang that created the universe. All that's left is the mathematics. Put down h-bar, carry the infinity, and... My-reka! There it is, the grand unified theory,

Ah! So, what do you say, RD? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show? Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough? (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers.

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush!

Hello. Mmm. Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you.

You know, boy, this was the last time I ever saw my family. (SNIFFLES) (BLOWING NOSE)

Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync. I was like, "Save them!" And he was all, "No problem." And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends.

So, you really and truly love me? So much so that I'm prepared to give up show business itself to be with you.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

And the labor isn't easy Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker if you turn up the controls to superspeed It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray.

I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

Now, in the name of all that is good and honorable we'll call the Neutral president with a message of peace, then blast him. Yes, sir, sirdy, sir, sir, sir! Fly the white flag of war.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job.

You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body.

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah? Well, take this! Oh, my.

You know, when I was first asked to make a film about my nephew-- Professor Farnsworth-- I thought, "Why should I?" Then later, Leela made the film, but if I had made the film you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film.

Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy, giant spiders. I knew it!

I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am.

Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall.

All right! I'm a delivery boy!

Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago.

(SCREAMING) Why, Mr. Peppy, why? That tickles. (LAUGHING) (CRYING) Now I really do have to kill you. Wait! Don't shoot!

Please rise for the national anthem. Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

Get ready, Fry. I'm going to rip your swim bladder out and show it to you. Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness!

Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus! Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not.

Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth.

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me, but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again.

Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See?

And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot.

and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell.

Cubert, you crapscallion! Why aren't you in school? I couldn't get past the protestors. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers. (GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile!

Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'. That proves it! Fry is alive somewhere, - and he's reaching me in my dreams! - Bull pies! Lay down here and we'll do some tests.

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better. The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect... and admiration of the creative community.

I'm going too fast! I've got to lose momentum! Wh-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag!

Well, I'm sure Bender's fanny is tired. As soon as this storm passes, let's be on our way.

The Maltese Liquor, the strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed! And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it.

I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord-- What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here. That's right.

"century upon century..." What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners. Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot. Fry's not here.

Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert. May we help you, strange ones?

Well, who wants a Martini?

but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists. Don't wave your fancy degrees at me. I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli, and that's--

That's a big crock of-- Hold me.

No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen. ...Some of that special sauce.

Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

(SIGHING) This planet is the real Rumbledy-Hump, and these creatures are the real Humplings. All I did was write down their adorably repetitious hijinks. (GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away.

What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter? Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality. Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out.

AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose. Hand me some more of that cruise director. (ALL GASPING) The original passenger manifest.

To the employment cave! (GRUNTING)

You're entering a realm which is unusual.

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

To the statue. (GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you." The final solar flare is going to bypass Earth and strike Mars.

I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen.

FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby.

Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone!

Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

And it's flowing down the eerie canal to The Scary Door. That's "eerie" with two E's. Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me.

With that big new Romanticorp contract, I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about.

Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? I didn't run off. I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away while you were kissing Amy. Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you. Oh, are you sure?

Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back. (SNORING) Hermes, oh, you foolish man, what do you need a Cylon eye for? Now, calm down, dear.

Do you have any gum? No.

After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet.

Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans.

But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer. In the event there are two killers, police are offering an unusual deal...

A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half

(ALL YELLING) Don't worry, Mother, we'll save... (CHOKING) (GLASS SHATTERS) Mmm, mmm, mmm! Mama knows what I like!

Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right.

"Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out! - (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

I don't know what I'd do without them.

You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry?

Do you take credit cards? Let's find out. All right, environment. You've met your match.

No, Pa. I love him.

Lady, all of human history happened in your past! (LAUGHS) Ah, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? "Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out! - (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela. Our only hope is to communicate with the aliens, and show them our peaceful intentions.

It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this! Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

(SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends. Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen.

Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here? Not... I. Not... I.

Um, would it be possible to break off a piece and put it in an engagement ring for reasons that are private? Oh, fuff. Nothing in the universe can fracture diamondium, not even God One and God Two put together. But behold! The tail is composed of abrasive comet powder,

Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died. Death sphere in range.

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

The toilet. I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know.

What? Nobody rips off my kids but me! We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez?

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

Well, the way I see it--

(SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

No! My son will not shame me like this. I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy! Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President.

I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door.

Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex. Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal. Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door! Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right.

Hmm. Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

Welcome home, old friend.

You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts. Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for.

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

Give it up! All right! Take it. Sheesh.

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.

Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender. Ah, that hit the spot. I found Bender!

Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside. Pretty good story, hey, Hermes?

Looks like society's runnin' pretty well without my meddling-- D-Doh! Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye. Whoa! My home! It burned down!

Unauthorized data access.

Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying.

(EXCLAIMS) That's the worst thing I've ever seen! Really? Then don't look over there. Whee! Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING)

Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet. I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next!

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

Keep up with your studies, huh? What? Oh, God, I'm still here? I'll miss you guys!

Here I go! (SCREAMING)

Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo!

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie!

Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling. I owe it all to you. There. I pronounce the operation a success.

I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up!

You see? You see? Calculon would have acted the crap out of that. He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears! I'm changing the channel. (PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE) Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other?

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public?

Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes-- theft of money.

That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

Have a nice future.

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time. MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated.

Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. Ow! My small intestine!

All that truly matters is the process. NARRATOR: Whether playing a beloved historical figure. (IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) For Rigel 7 and all mankind! Or a Victorian circus freak... I want to see the real you. No, Daisy, don't!

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings...

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it?

What? My mother was a saint!

We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this.

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo! - Mr. Bender? - Dah! Ohhh!

I am not a crook's head.

How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment!

Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad.

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word. As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs.

And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself! (CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems.

Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking. Hello? Anyone?

And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer. (BEEPING) (HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING)

Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind--

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said,

I don't care. Listen well.

I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny. But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair. But Fry-- His jacket-- And when I woke up, it was on me!

You think you're so hot! Wha...?!

It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets.

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

Huzzah. Huzzah. Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech.

That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind.

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras.

Your call is being-- Connected-- By SewerCom. Reach out and touch the sewers. Look, Morris! It's Leela calling. Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! Ready for your big trip to the surface?

I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man. (BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker. Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones.

There were no survivors. Takes all kinds.

We were defeated in battle. BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

Women only room!

laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo.

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry. Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story!

Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.

Yo, what are you talking about?

Oh, honey, look! The tapirs! It says here the babies lose their Pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey?

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Oh. I'm broken again.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this,

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains. Of course. Why didn't I think of that? This is the saddest day of my life... and I still can't cry. Wait a second.

We'll start with Andrew. (GASPS) Yeah, they all kind of broke. So, when do I start? Everyone, this is Francis. Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all.

A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely.

I get a good vibe from this place--

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry? Yes, I did, Leels, and I'll tell you why. Because it grows the brand. Oh, Lord.

The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments.

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

(EXCLAIMS) (GROANS) Nibbler! Scat!

That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute. You did it, Fry! Did what?

But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty?

We're saved! I'm Butch, leader of this place. I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it. Okay. Mighty sir, we have nowhere to go. Could we please join your society?

I am not the whale! All I wanted was to complete my delivery. Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See? Ahhh!

Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER)

No one put you in charge, Husband. I'm the only one here who ever ran a society. Roller Derby is not a society. Well, let's put it to a vote, then. All in favor of the Jamocha Thunderclap?

ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy

Well, you were sure right about Flexo being evil. I locked down the exits, but he may have already gotten away. Okay, thanks, Bender. Let's fan out and look for him. Roger that. I got a map of the ship right here. Keep an eye on Fry. We can't rule out the possibility that he did it.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING)

No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who? It's good to see you. Is it good to see me?

While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals. It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it!

Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it. Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away. What? Whither?

Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

Everything? Except that.

I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move.

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot.

We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex. Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll!

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

Next up, contestant 38!

A tapeworm! - We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will!

Well, I'm not doing it. It's a robot holiday. Really? Which one? Only Robanukah-- The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar. Oh, come on, Bender. Last month it was Robamadan, and before that Robanzaa. Man, that one was a blast. It wasn't just a blast.

Crew, as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past. But what I'm about to lay down is by far the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express! (ALL MURMURING) What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt.

Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot!

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet!

Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants! Hi. Hello.

(HORN HONKING) HERMES: Sweet robot swan of Botswana!

Onto the Internet you go. Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers.

Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Okay. Bender has her distracted. Now I can shut down her brain by deactivating the carbonated logic matrix.

What? Hey, now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day? This is an outrage! What's the point of pullin' the biggest pool caper ever if nobody knows you did it? Well, there's the material rewards. You mean this junk? Whee!

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used.

FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business.

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you!

Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt.

Hey, I'm proud of you, Bender. Avoiding sin for almost a full minute. Bender? BENDER: Yeah, baby. You're quite a dish. (GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. (CHUCKLING) Oh, no. Bender, stop! Stop!

Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two. If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

I don't care if that operation will only delay the tentacles. Somehow, we got to find a way to pay for it. Oh, it's no use. There's absolutely no way we can afford to... Wait! We'll sell old Bessie! Fry, take the old gal to market and get the best darn price you can.

You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman.

Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec. (STRAINING) I still can't do it. Well, what do you know?

Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years. Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life.

My Manwich! Wake up, everyone!

My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out?

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

You did it, Johnny. I'm cured! (ALL GASP) All right, let's set it up and try again.

No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense. We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of. Huh?

Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard! Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu."

but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Hang on. "It's" shouldn't have an apostrophe. This means "and it is crew." What the hell's wrong with you? It's a minor error, lady. I mean, we're space aliens. It's a miracle we can even speak English. The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass. I insist you re-carve the entire statue correctly.

No, this is simply a translucidating ink polarizer. It aligns the pigment molecules, channeling photons through, and rendering the ink invisible. Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal. Nobody said that. (SCREAMS)

I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room. (CAT MEOWING)

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one,

We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop. Oh... My guts feel kind of weird. I'm not surprised. Those pheromones were highly concentrated. Oh, I think I'm getting a little caterpilly.

Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe." What now, chief? Now, we crash the ship into their headquarters killing them in a hellish firestorm from which no living thing can escape. Good, good. Then what?

Thanks for saving my life, Kif. You're my hero.

I'm 40% empty. (KNOCKING) Also, what the hell is a free will slot? All robots have such a slot, placed there by the Creatrix herself.

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.

Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you?

Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness. just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle.

Wow, you're good. Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES) Ow!

Hey, look! I found a robot fossil! That's a bedspring, you dumb bedspring! There are no robot fossils. What? Who says I didn't evolve? Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop--

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis.

So, the most galling of the paparazzi needs my help.

Gutsy question. You're a shark.

Hello? Anybody home?

Isn't there some way to keep them from breeding? Cold showers don't work on Antarctic creatures. Surely you agree that a quick semi-painless death... is a damn sight better than weeks of starvation. Well, I suppose, but I mean, I joined Penguins Unlimited to love penguins, not to hunt them.

Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones. Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief. Please welcome the original Gerber baby Earth President Richard M. Nixon.

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What?

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My."

A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks.

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95. That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh?

They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white Well, we got no beeswax candles, but these scented regular wax candles will do just fine. Girl, those stink sticks are for single women who take baths. If your Kwanzaa candles ain't 100% beeswax, you bring shame on your people.

Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good. Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams. Nice disguise, by the way. I won't say anything.

What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant. $3 at the drugstore. I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here, I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people. How dare you.

(METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control. Addendum. Whoa!

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad? (ENGINES FIRE) (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING)

Yes! Footprints! And handprints? But... what's happening?

He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow!

Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother!

Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already?

This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend. (SCREECHING) (GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you.

Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else!

A talk? You can't break up with me. You're my pet! As much as I enjoy being the object of your misplaced affections, I am also a highly sophisticated being who longs for intelligent conversation. Aw! Is shnookums not feeling shtimuwated? An understatement, to say the least.

No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

That heavenly stench. More.

Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla.

Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew. All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

Hey! Turn that damn music... up! Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies!

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful.

And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out. For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing. Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal,

Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters! Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship?

What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops. Those delightful birds with their chirp, chirp, chirp and their tweet, tweet, splat. Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you? Hmm. I'm not quite sure.

I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death. But the judge already sentenced us at the trial. Silence. That was just a show for the public.

E-n... Der! Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever.

Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out.

Okay, push "roof" and we're home free!

Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house.

Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you? Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick.

Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid?

That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!

Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop.

Okay. Bender has her distracted. Now I can shut down her brain by deactivating the carbonated logic matrix.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching.

I'm calling to negotiate a double date.

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

On condition that he spend one night within its walls.

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die!

Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free-- You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!" My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth.

Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters! Eins, zwei, drei, vier, lift your Stein and drink your beer!

Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Order the cake, damn it!

He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Yes, yes. You a big, squishy wuss. Amy should be dating real man-- like him.

They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron. Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama!

The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say?

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it.

By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye! In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots. Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah!

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic. Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness.

Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man.

P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about some bimbo lawyer? It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago?

Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know.

I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh? Oh... You want to play fetch.

Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot. Pretty cool, eh?

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Hey Leela, want to know what the most beautiful thing is? No. Let's get hopped up. Greetings, eco-tourists!

That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever.

Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass?

On April 10, 2912, my late husband and I set off down Fifth Avenue aboard the Land Titanic, the largest street-going vessel ever built. Just four days into her maiden voyage, as we approached 32nd Street, the land liner struck a mailbox and went down.

Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

I hope you don't think less of me because I live in a giant castle. Oh, no, not at all. If anything, I'm more impressed. Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room. And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals.

No can do, Slurms.

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer.

All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar. Tell me, Dr. Beeler. Will I need to threaten you? Not at all. You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production.

- (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew. My fellow Earthicans, I'm proud to announce I'm running for reelection as president of Earth, the greatest planet in the world.

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series.

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar! I have got to quit drinking. Thanks, friend!

Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame.

Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

Whoo! Microbrewed. My guys did all right. I think I'll make my countenance to shine down upon them.

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry! That's exactly what I was thinking.

Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING)

No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you! Fry, stop. She's gone.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh!

Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

Uh, human horn? Oh, how ridiculous. Why would a virile male like lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing? Like you've ever seen a salad. My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues.

And the effects may be irreversible. Well, let's get started. No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma.

And stop calling me.

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point.

Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

Man, these guys rock harder than ever. Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah. Peace! We out!

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn.

All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Look. The spirit of Kwanzaa is killing the parasites. (ALL CHEERING) FRY: Yuck! But, yay! Thank you, my human brother. Your message of unity has touched our souls. We are once again of a single hive mind.

I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah! And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified.

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him!

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh! Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey? Well, as you can see,

Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

(BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more? Imma go take that job offer at Lehman Brothers.

On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute.

A portion of the proceeds might go to help broken robots.

Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Oh! What a weird dream. I'll never get back to sleep. So, you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams? Of course. But how is that possible? It's very simple.

This might take a while. I've got to adjust the memory timing, raise the CPU voltage, and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life,

Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good.

Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours. I think I'll go fill up on bisque at the buffet. I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancÉ...

Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive.

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay. So long, Your Majesty.

Never! A deal's a deal

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You Clobberella

Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey...

(ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier.

Yes, we shall not see its like again. So, um... Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off.

As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil. Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh.

Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it. Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark. Yeah, right, what's he going to do, break my legs?

Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times.

I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

What's that? One of those jefferson Starships I've heard so much about? It's called a van. And in light of the fact that it's not a-rockin', I invite you to come a-knockin'. Wow! Neat! Oh! It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild! What is?

LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

It's... It's... The spark that reignited our marriage? Yes! Exactly. Good night. (SNORING)

Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled." Oh, Lord.

His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants! Stop hoggin' the clover!

We choose to eat the first Earthling who ate our offspring. Here is the culprit as photographed by our nanny-cam satellite. She must be sacrificed but the rest of you shall be spared.

As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man.

Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think.

No! No! But possibly yes.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it. But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He-- I know. You do? Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't.

No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe. I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry. Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones.

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads.

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You Clobberella Citizens, never fear Crazy do-good freaks are here

Identity confirmed. Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room. 7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

Hallelujah, baby.

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want!

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery.

All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know. Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh! To the torture cave!

Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

That's just a fake holiday you make up every year to get out of work. Yeah. If it's real, how come there's no song that explains how to celebrate it? Because there is. Hit it. Hit what? I placed instruments under your seats. Play them or I'll break them over your heads.

Your insightful nagging really won us over. Yeah. You explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand. And that appealed to me, for whatever reason. Thanks, guys, but we have a lot of work ahead of us. If we're going to win the election, we've all got to get involved. You said it! That's right. If you want my opinion,

Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

(SIGHS) God, it's Zoidberg. I hate to bother you, but... Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

Aw, man. My great photo only made his ego bigger.

The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

We grew fat and domesticated. (MEOWS) Thousands of years passed, and our home world was nearing total destruction. (CATS MEOWING IN AGONY) MAN: Shut up! (WINDOW SLAMS SHUT) But the technology to save our planet was lost.

What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners. Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot. Fry's not here.

Ah! Those were happier days. Mm. The "gristle in a blanket" isn't half-bad. And try one of these popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavor.

Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle.

I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry!

Well, now, this calls for a celebration.

Fry, look what you did.

Get them! I mean, seize them!

Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

(SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum. Whoa, that's pretty deep. So... You want a piece of gum? Yeah. Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight.

Whoo-hoo! Look at that fine jamaican bacon!

That's my joke. I'll kill you!

Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness. just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle?

Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing. The holiday season is a time of celebration for most but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate. Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about? Uh... Close enough.

Dark matter indicator? Making a noise. All systems operational. Let's rock.

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear.

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You. Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle.

Aye, aye, sir. Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh!

Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs.

What's with Monstro? He promised he'd give his Uncle Zoid a million bucks to make a movie. I've only been here a day, and already I'm a Hollywood phony.

Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

(ROARING) (SCREAMING)

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

But Nixon's the worst president in history and alternate history. The rest of you aren't voting for him, are you? - Sure, we are! - Why not? He may not be perfect, but do we really want some unknown new guy? I'll stick with the evil maniac I know, thank you. Well, I think we can do better.

I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny. Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car.

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig! Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote.

People of Trisol it is my honor to present your new emperor.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

Well, if we get bored looking for the clover, I've got Tetris on this thing. Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas.

Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!

I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe."

I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't.

All you could eat.

All right, let's set it up and try again.

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up.

Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming.

It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network. Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV? Yes, I can.

so we could have a heart-to-heart talk. I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president. No! My son will not shame me like this. I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy!

Yeah, I'll have a coffee. Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please. Amy, I also spent some of my tax rebate... on a gift for you.

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

Caucasian human male.

All right. Let's smoosh some worms!

Well, that's my good friend Beck. I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues. Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer. Both our dreams came true. Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram in my van... and follow Bender on tour and live there in the van?

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line. Ready? (ENGINES REVVING) Leela, Professor, don't do this! It's too exciting!

Now shut your com-link and make love to the camera. And remember, I'm the camera. (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to.

Not if Zoidberg eats the money. Everything he swallows turns invisible. Like so. Then later we just retrieve it at our convenience. Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds. How can Zoidberg walk out with that much weight?

With a gift shop, selling pinatas of me! End of the line, man. Come on, we can still catch a twi-night double cockfight. No, wait! What's that in the Mexican garbage? Looks like a half-eaten cheese diaper. No, next to that.

- What? - Huh? For real? There's been enough violence on these streets. Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered.

Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?

Geez, will you lay off? I was delivering things before you were born.

The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best. It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river!

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

(ALL MURMURING) What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt. Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on our amazing new soda machine! (ALL CHEERING) That's what I'm talking about!

We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Let's go! Let's go! We've got to get these moon rocks to the moon by moondown. Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts.

Choose! Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

Oh! They jumped right out of their pants!

Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow!

(CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen,

Pretend you're happy.

This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor.

Madam, I need beeswax. You sure you don't need a little honey, handsome? Maybe a taste of sweet nectar straight from the hive? (ALL EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) I just need some beeswax to make Kwanzaa candles. Well, that's too darn bad. There ain't no beeswax in the whole world.

Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute?

as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month. Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry?

But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.

So, what are you doing to protect my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices? Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists. Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end?

You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness.

You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion. Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice. I can't let my monstrous de-boner get anywhere near you. There it is!

She'll be along any minute.

Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING) Hmm. That dinner was a worthy foe. Yes, we shall not see its like again. So, um...

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you?

In that case... let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Yes! I could put my mind into a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part.

Dios mio. That's ridiculous! Mr. Peppy doesn't eat bones. I raised him on a simple diet of Brussels sprouts and mixed soda. (GAGGING) At least there's only one of them. The good news is, they can't start breeding.

Four alarm chili. Four alarm chili. Hello! I'm Prime Minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria. I trust you received my spam e-mail? Nelson, thank God you're here, Hermes!

I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

Hey, Leela, look at me!

(TRAIN HONKING)

You owe me one.

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out,

Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus.

Not covered. just get in the car. Ah, here we are. Monument Beach.

Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible!

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog.

The planet's "kerploding."

What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

How deliciously absurd.

How's them eats?

Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream.

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before. Oh, what's the point?

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry!

This very interesting. Maybe someone look into it, many years from now. But, Chief, this means we're not trapped anymore! It's our chance to take back the outside world from those stuck-up Homo sapiens with their tools and their pants and such. My fellow big-brows! Are you with me? (CHEERING)

Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

Dude, give it a rest.

Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING) Look what you made me do. We're going on a corporate team-building retreat. What? Oh, man! - Come on! - No!

Oh. So you only care about my looks?

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme!

I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

An open casting call for child robots! Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash!

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved. He's in a better place now. There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on! Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent.

You got it. Oh!

Holy... (BLEEPING)

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

(MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War.

Sounds good. See you Monday! (POLICE SIRENS WAILING)

And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Hey! Turn that damn music... up! Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies! Try these, um, sir.

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs,

I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

But what about the worms in the other parts of his body? Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left. All right. Let's smoosh some worms!

Here you go. "In memory of the first Planet Express ship and its crew." Hang on. "It's" shouldn't have an apostrophe.

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals.

Well, it's a Type "M" planet so it should at least have roddenberries. I'm experienced at foraging. I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind?

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

What, I'm old! Listen--

So I'm doomed to die, and I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth.

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis,

Well, I'm sure Bender's fanny is tired. As soon as this storm passes, let's be on our way. (CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente. Thank you for your glorious beacon. It saved our lives and our Saturday night. Adios.

Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out! You haven't heard the last of... (LINDA READING)

What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy!

Let me see those glasses.

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap.

I am? At last, recognition!

Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one! How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey!

Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? Not if you stand on their air hose much longer. Noted. (BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die! How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

Here I come, Kif. Oh! They jumped right out of their pants!

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack! Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo! That'll teach those other horses to take drugs.

It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am. Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures.

(SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo. Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic? I don't know. I should be happy.

She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women!

It's crunch time. Let's do this.

LEELA: He did it! He did it!

(UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) (SCATTING) Uh... I'm looking for the wrong side of the tracks.

It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

(LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity.

A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry,

Fry, I know you're upset right now, but I hope you'll consider donating the body to science dinner. (SLURPING) Here, Mr. Peppy. Mmm, lovely bones. We've been walking for hours. I hope we can find our way back.

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going.

Let me take care of the doity woik. Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew.

(PANTING) Nice elbow action. So, you grow hemp. Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day.

The short answer is, I'm teaching. He seemed nice. Sure, when he's sober.

That's a big crock of-- Hold me. On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it?

Ah! Time for the mornings meltsdowns. (BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES)

The law is clear.

Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh!

No, I want to live. Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us.

I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid.

Aah! Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh.

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up!

What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Also, mine has air conditioning.

Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS) (GRUNTS) (ALL GASP) (GROANS) You guys, again? Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots.

I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you? My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips.

Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

Take this! Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go.

A risk-taker. That's my boy. The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been! Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. Oh, my, yes!

Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims!

Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

Come see for yourself.

Well, it was worth a shot. Come on, Bender! If you're done scamming Beck, we're heading home. All right, all right.

Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh?

Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!

But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car. Ah, here we are.

Hey, Fry, I know something you could lay bare.

just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh...

Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet.

(SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Ooh, fancy. MAN: Hold tight. The Mecha-Hexadecapus is about to flail erratically into action. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Goodbye, sweet meatbags.

fry once again infiltrated the Info-Sphere and set off his amazing bomb. Only this time--

if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose. I can't pay.

Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Hug. Handshake. I'll text you.

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205. Okay, that's better. Keep them coming! I'm sorry, Fry, but no vegetarian could have done this.

Ow! Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face. Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh?

So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet. I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict.

Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h! I think cosmetic surgery's great, Leela. I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery. Here and here.

Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning. (BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World,

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender.

MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive If robot can survive They may find

TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Wishful thinking. We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses. Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

That's no flying saucer. That's my ass!

All right, let's get this party ended.

Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships. Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed. Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent. You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah!

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING)

(SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again! Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up.

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here! Leela

So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet. I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev.

Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

I'll have to ask you to clear out now. The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big--

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer. Ew, gross! Cut it out!

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

So, uh, anyway, my daughter's Clobberella. Leela is Clobberella? You're pullin' me! Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

people stop and stare I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes I'm going where the sun keeps shining...

I can't spell anything with these cards.

Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no!

We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman. Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes. Pass.

ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong.

When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor.

I believe the answer is the television. Very good, Mr. Guenter. Wow. Smart and cute.

You look great.

(GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

No. It's actually cheaper to genetically engineer real ones. They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday. Then we choose the cuddly-uddliest ones... and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff.

We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line!

So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up! Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

Now we can practice for the big game. We figure, if we can beat five Larry Birds, we can beat anybody. Cloning is wrong. It's wrong, I say! Oh, I just hope that mysterious dragon ghost doesn't show up at the lab again. But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing?

Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

And so, ladies and gentlemen I'm throwing my head into the ring. I'm announcing my candidacy for the presidency of Earth.

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela.

I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING)

I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns.

goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner,

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli.

Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

The clamps! Right?

Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward.

Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England?

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING)

Is this the political process? 'Cause I'm here to get involved in it. Silence! Question one. Will you pledge today to somehow reduce taxes while simultaneously lowering the deficit? Hey, that's a good idea. Sure. If it'll win me the election, then yes.

will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die,

What category are they on? They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time.

Yes, I'd like an engagement diamond, please? You come to the right joint, ace. I'll take this one. Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela.

You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well.

My marigolds! Thanks to that DNA sample you generously donated while locked in my tower, my beanstalks now have suction cups to keep them from collapsing. That's horrible! Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

So, what have you been up to all these years?

I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two.

Not like you at all.

(SNICKERS) (GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster! That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

I can't believe we're only 12 feet from the parking lot. (CHUCKLES) This is every bit as fun as the real Civil War. Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth? Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky!

Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!

What? Huh? Thank you. Thank you so much. You know, through all my ups and downs, I always thought the most important thing in life was to win an Oscar,

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost!

Accepted again! No!

Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop.

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day?

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private,

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where? Here! Literally, here! (ALL GASPING)

I can cure him, but I need the thing, the thing from Triton. It'll cost you, John. How much are you worth now? I live in a dumpster. All I have in the world is this coupon for one free session at the tanning salon. Oh, John, that's really all you have?

Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction. Vergon 6? This light dinner is over. Wait. What's wrong? The Democratic Order of Planets prohibits interfering with undeveloped worlds. It's a little rule known as "Brannigan's Law."

You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief.

It all makes sense.

Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me.

your keister is doing good.

I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch. It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate hunk-of-the-month calendar. Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day.

Amy, I also spent some of my tax rebate... on a gift for you. Oh, Kiffy! It shows the time wherever we both are, and it's powered by love. Also, you have to wind it. Oh!

(YAWNS) Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers.

No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need. Stuff the ship. Planet Express ship, you are cleared to land. Roger.

I'm betting it all. Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet! Snake eyes. Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over.

When hope was high and life worth living I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving (SCREAMING) What the hell is that? Nothing.

Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks. Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings.

FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence. That is some freaky bug-on-bug action.

Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise!

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City.

I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind!

We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap. I croaked. Now show me some love. Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder!

(WATER SPLASHING)

They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter

My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off.

I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to. Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow!

It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together.

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

(SCREAMING) (BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry?

You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert...

He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow?

eating nothing but frozen Neanderthal. To this day, I can't stand the taste of early hominid. (GROANS) Let's just get inside the shack. - Hold, maggot! - Ow! Remember the code of the ice. Thick and blue, tried and true,

Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant. That's okay. At least Kif's baby shower should be fun. I better put it on my calendar.

What the hell is it? Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries.

When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you!

It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused.

(GASPS) The crown jewels.

(GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING)

Hey, Betty Friedan, send a little of that lotion my way. Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic. Ooh.

So, friend, welcome to my home. I'm very proud of it.

that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future.

Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun.

Oh, Fry, you must be alive.

TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much.

Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die. Hmm. Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball.

Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day.

This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of "funk-ay!" The challenger's ugly food has shown us... that even hideous things can be sweet on the inside.

The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot.

What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

Now we just reintroduce Calculon's programming to his body using science. It's like magic but with electricity.

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology.

They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about some bimbo lawyer? It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see--

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. - You speak English? - I do now.

Bender, you can't even vote. You're a convicted felon. Convicted, sentenced and executed.

Ah, that hit the spot. I found Bender!

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow!

me, Hermes Conrad.

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours.

(ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking! My God! Saint James was a robot! My God! Da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue. My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time.

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg.

Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool I'll do it. Whoa!

Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes. Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon.

We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy,

- That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods. Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day.

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

Mama! And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured.

Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things.

What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop! I say.

I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg? I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing.

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

It's time to hang 20! (SURF ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Morris! What are you doing? Hold on to your coconuts. We're going for the ride of a lifetime! But I thought you were terrified of outer space.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Real comfy. Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls.

Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go.

Please, don't push.

Tell him, Leela. Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is... What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?!

Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way.

Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that.

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Now, that's hospital dancing.

In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology In a future year that ends with a 20

And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive. So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it.

All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun!

What about me? You are free to go. Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm. Whoa! It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode.

There is still one hope. You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right. Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp! Has the jury reached a verdict?

Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep. I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks,

The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

I'll eat yours. Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off? I'M fine, thank you. A real pilot can navigate by feel alone. That's coming out of your pay.

Where is he, blast it? And just recently, I learned of a modern-day Farnsworth who invented the Anti-Senility Truss. That's you, Professor. Wha... Ah, yes, the Farnsworths boast a proud and distinguished lineage. No wormy fruit on this tree. What about Fry?

Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning.

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

(SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

And if you like that, you'll love our main event.

Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

(SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING) Do you mind showing me how to open the cage? Now, listen here, the hunt is a hallowed tradition,

Ah, the Xmas season. Who wants a delicious unshelled nut? Ooh, I'll have one. It's "nut" so good.

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

And there it is!

Whatever time we have left, just live it with me.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, we're trapped.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

(GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS)

You think you saw a mermaid? No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top. And she had a beautiful, scaly tail and I think she had hair extensions. You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids?

And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue? The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action. Sir, I call upon you not as a president,

My ass has blisters from the slide Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme

Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth! Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping.

Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one.

roll up yer sleeves and do some honest labor. I don't wanna chat. (GAVEL BANGING) The council of robot elders will come to order. If it please the Council...

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer.

No one will ever want to mate with me. Not with a puny claw like this. Did you see those other guys? They look like giant claws with bodies attached. At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell.

Could you repeat that last part? This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that.

Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty. I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet. Here, read. Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful. I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.

Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone.

One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare. Now, here's the poison that Romeo uses to kill himself. Don't worry, it's just water and food coloring. Food coloring? The most poisonous substance known to robots?

Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming. Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal?

I was still in attack mode. You know how testosterone is. As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do. What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot!

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHING) Aw. You didn't have to do that. I didn't? Damn.

Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you.

Surprise. (ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) The whole adventure was just a training exercise to teach you the value of teamwork. (CHUCKLING) Hmm. I should be mad, but it worked pretty well.

Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300! I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir.

Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's. Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating!

Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves.

Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human.

Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine. Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it!

I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

And against a team of clones, no less. (DOOR SLIDES SHUT) Well, gang, it looks like we've got more of the same mystery on our hands. (THUNDERCLAP)

Hermes? We thought you were the creature.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending.

Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone. I swear on my honor as a paparazzo. Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened.

Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling?

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they? Oh, they're great.

Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back.

I'm as worthless as this trash can. You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raisin' six kids, ya dumb townie!

Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M.

A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.

The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession. There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, it's business.

The images are truly horrific.

Wh-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag! Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex!

But it loves me, and I love it! Kill them both! Killing them seems like a hassle. Can't we just set it free to live with its own kind? Poor, ignorant Leela. The bone vampire is now extinct on its home planet. (GASPS) That's perfect. We can reintroduce it to the wild and repopulate the species.

What the hell's been going on around here?

You think I'm as worthless as you? Try catching garbage in your head and raisin' six kids, ya dumb townie!

I concur. Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out.

I'm going for a scuttle.

What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake.

Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature.

(STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines.

(LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel.

My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife? If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines. Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh...

And now for the finishing touch.

Nothing is impossible.

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey.

Come on. Move those arms. Use the power of mental thinking. Make it dynamic. Yeah-yeah-Yee! All right. Congratulations, my friend.

Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here. He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things.

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care.

Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music?

Ah! Fry! You've been working so hard, we haven't seen you in days. Wait, what? No, I was stuck on... Ow! Stuck on another delivery that he undertook on his own. We're all very lucky and not suspicious to have him.

Any of you guys got a spaceship?

Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh? We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends. Ah, I knew that. What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine! Really, it's the steward's fault.

But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

(SCREAMS) Fire! What the... What kind of crazy fire is this?

I'm sure at least one of us will be spared

Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING) I'm coming, darling! I shouldn't, but who's counting? Help! Fish police!

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

And that's just a-what I'm gonna do Ooh, love to hold you Ooh, love to kiss you Ooh, love, I love it so Ooh, love, you're sweeter Sweeter than sugar

"Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so. Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it.

Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.

What are you doing? You totally ripped off my routine. You callin' me a biter? Why do you always have to steal everything from me, Yancy? Find your own life and live it. Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin.

Not what I meant, but don't perform it without my permission! Anyway, using this simple formula, I can generate as many hit folk songs as I want. All I need is an audience. And that's where Silicon Red comes in.

Thank you. What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone.

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home

More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be.

Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry! But then Nicolas Cage discovered the real treasure was his family. Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry?

but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale!

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope.

Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center! You guys almost had him until he digested you. Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start.

Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender?

Delivery boy Philip J. Fry reporting for duty. Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine. What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Amy, mission profile.

I'll kill you, my friend! Ahhh! I hope you all enjoyed our tiny beverage service. Now sit back and endure our in-flight entertainment.

The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks.

May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

(BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

The traffic jams of old New York were a public forum for the free interchange of opinion. Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex.

Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about. Whoa!

(BEEPING) I didn't know this ship had a mammoth detector. You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly." (BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy!

(IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender.

Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there.

Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad. Where did it all come from? Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all.

Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't.

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone? Wait. If we could build an object

Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him.

Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner.

Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously addictive. So what's the secret ingredient? It's whatever your imagination wants it to be. Oh. But what is it, really? That's not for you to know.

Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep.

Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No! Can I shred these contracts? No! Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do!

It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see.

Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today.

You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow? It's gonna be a doozy. (GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people. Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis!

Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey? Well, as you can see, its wrapper is a piece of the original U.S. Constitution. It was hand-rolled by Queen Elizabeth... during her "wild" years... and was buried with George Burns, until grave-robbing space mushrooms-- well, you know the rest. Give you 300 bucks for it.

Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Sweetie, it's okay. You don't have to apologize for standing us up... on the only visit to the surface we'll ever have.

(POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere. Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store.

Hey, Fishy, I've been meaning to write you about your in-store kiddie parks. The slides won't support an adult robot. Good point. Not interested.

Fry, however, does not.

Destructor, a robotic armored tank whose very use in battle has been ruled a war crime...

This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted. Come look, everyone. I just got the dearest presents for Mommy. Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now. Aha!

Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about? No, it's an old Volkswagen van. Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses.

Nice to see you, Zapp. Well, nice to see a surprising amount of you, too, Leela. Is Munda here? Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear.

Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men. (ALL CHUCKLING)

April 13. April 13, point two.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically."

Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what?

I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it! Yea! Aw, come on! I thought I'd take you someplace ordinary.

Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious, but they produce an awful lot of trash.

So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer." Oh, a man can dream, though. A man can dream.

Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder.

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow.

to feel like you're listening to her nagging. Is there anything she's been riding your ass about? Conquering things, I guess. I could conquer Earth, kill all humans. That's a thought. No! We don't need a war of the worlds. That's it! We need a war of the worlds!

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up.

I'll walk you out. After all, a true gentlemen tends to his date's every need. Tiparillo? Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible.

I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet!

I'm telling you. The Y2K computers got him. We'll face burnin' roads, rivers explodin', calculators transformed into Scud missiles. There's nothing we can do.

Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat! Ladies and gentlemen, for the 17th year in a row,

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

I went to Earth because I could no longer stand the ridicule. But being surrounded by even stupider people was equally infuriating. I can see myself in your shiny button. Inventing is what makes me happy. Or did, until I misplaced the plans for my masterpiece. You mean these?

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999.

If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING)

Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball!

Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

Kroker, that was one Branigan-esque feat of heroism. We have misjudged you, green one. You fly the buggalo like us. You have true reverence for Mother Mars. Let there be peace between us.

- Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop!

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on?

After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid.

Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm going to be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you. MacZongo. Angus MacZongo. Major Angus MacZongo. Handsome Major Angus MacZongo, Esquire. Ooh! Handsome and Esquire.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

There he is! All right! Closure!

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold?

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled." Oh, Lord. "Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help."

The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again! Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box,

Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"?

Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud!

No! No! No! Uh-oh.

It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing.

The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed.

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine!

My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth.

Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Careful! That's a week old! I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away?

So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings? No, she just makes us do work and stuff.

- Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet.

"You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name. "You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami." I wuv my mommy. So how are you going to lug all those gifts to Mom's factory?

It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same.

Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce. I just don't know how we'll get by. Then I guess this wouldn't be a good time to tell you that I'm pregnant. What?

rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

Your mama's so ugly!

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What? I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl.

Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was--

Times two, carry the one. Oh, you sad, worthless human. Ohh! Sacred hog of Prague! That was my anniversary gift to La Barbra. Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal!

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0.

Man, these guys rock harder than ever. Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah.

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists. (SOBS) Wait, there's still some beer left.

One, two! one, two, three!

They're getting big and scaly. Ooh, there's one left. Mama. Stop!

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. Let's do it again sometime.

I mean, sure, they got the Braves but it's a third-rate symphony.

doodle of myself as a cowboy. But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my.

They're just too dang unpredictable,

As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries. Two colors? Wow. (BELCHING) Bort.

Mr. Zoo Director, we don't know you and you're facing away from us, but you have our friends caged up and... (GASPS) Dr. Banjo? The same. Hang on. (GRUNTS) Coming around. There.

(SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine! No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back!

Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first--

I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide.

Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one. I'm sorry, buddy. At least we'll die on our backs, helpless. Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry. The important thing is

I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it.

This is Fry. If you're calling about the used towels for sale, they're still available for $45 each. Phil, it's your father. Where are you? You're holding up New Year's brunch. Your brother can't wait any longer. Hello, first bologna of the new millennium.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight! Whoa!

But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING)

Whoa-oh! Huh? Hey!

Oh. Hi, fry. Is Bender home? Uh, no. Um, I think he's at his parents. Oh, i see. He didn't fly there in another spaceship, did he? Bender? No. He's an old-fashioned, one-spaceship robot. - Look, I'll tell him you stopped by, okay? - Okay.

Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life.

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already.

If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

(GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away. These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, and I was wrong to exploit it for profit.

Admit it. You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. Well, aren't they? I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it.

You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela.

so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

Proceed. (CLEARING THROAT) Imagine, if you will... Oh, God. A gigantic spherical generator, one that could provide unlimited energy because it's essentially in perpetual motion. (SCOFFING) Young lady, have you been drinking? (CHUCKLES) Well, yes, but that's not revelant.

You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that.

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Poop. Poop. Yeah.

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most!

(ALL EXCLAIM) It's okay. Leela's just changed a little.

It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused. Oh, my.

Back in my old uniform. And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig. So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe.

There's a way off this planet. That underground pyramid isn't a pyramid, it's a rocket ship! It was worth waiting five hours to hear you finish that sentence. A spaceship made of stone? With no electronics, it just might work! I'll stick with wind-up power, thank you very much.

- Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing.

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem. This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable.

Yet still, I feel empty inside. (GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in. You were living in my punching bag?

YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"? Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

Good news, everyone. The Clone-O-Mat is ready. Yea! Whoo-hoo! Finally!

Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Let's get to hooting. (HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what? Amazing grace... How...

You really mean it? Uh, yes. Whoa-oh!

Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. When I grow up, I want to be a diplomat! Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson.

This is it. We'll just run in, grab Bender's disk, and run out. Got it? Mm-hmm. Wow! We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender.

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

Oh, God, they're gonna kill me, el roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30-minute head start.

(SQUEAKS) It's not important. What is important is that we get you to Bending State-Santa Cruz in time for registration. Then we'd better hurry. Registration ends in one hour. To the ship! It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm.

What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that. I know exactly where you left your ship. That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead.

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here. All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack.

Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh! It's not fair.

Where did they go? Good news, Leela. I landed the contract... to empty all the spittoons in Little Italy. Eww!

"please accept these 20 billion candy hearts... as proof that Earth loves you," this much!

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING)

Technology. Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable,

Ho... ho... ho!

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Peace out. (CHEERING)

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke

I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate." It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

Um, it's free. Get me the president.

That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

(PLAYING PIANO) Oh, Mr. Agnew? (GRUNTING)

What could possibly--

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey!

Our network is targeting a hip new demographic, people who don't like you. But have you forgotten my mastery of the dramatic... Executive Alpha? (ALL EXCLAIMING) ...pause?

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean--

Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges.

It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano.

Uh-oh. Isn't Franklin in Philadelphia? When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it. I'm sure no one's ever said this before, but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible!

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah!

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink?

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty.

Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there.

So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut! Well, well, well, if it isn't Lee Lemon the flaming star of Brannigan's Rough Rangers. Say, uh, Lemon, do you like to read?

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you.

Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him.

I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster. It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

But without his Scooty-Puff jr., he cannot escape.

It's time for my annual, private get-together with my robot children.

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's...

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me! Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor?

(GASPS) Oh, no! Our son Johnny fell down the gravity well!

(ALL GROANING) What's all this cat hair on my sweater? Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls? You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats!

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff.

This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend. (SCREECHING) (GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die.

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry--

Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

I'm going to crack that hussy open like a slutty Brazil nut! (GROANS) This volcanic archipelago isn't big enough for the both of us.

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again.

(EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified. Reptilicus, hit the thingy. At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere. Magnify that death sphere.

So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it.

I did not perish that fateful day,

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead!

Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue,

Uh, wait... old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer. Oh, no, Poor Bender. I don't feel good. Chew on this!

Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um-- What if I can't think of anything to say? Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason.

And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew. But some things I had to learn myself.

What if we help you get your passion back without the hassle of mutilating me? Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars.

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

Bam! Man! I can't beat that with a Craigslist pig.

Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No. I don't know what I'm doing.

Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

Not good! Detonation in T-minus 60 Earth seconds. You fool! You will be transported to the other universe with us,

What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

Halatina Smogmeyer. And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator.

A freshly dug robot grave. Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom. Step aside.

Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight. So Bender needs to make the delivery. Ready to get to work, Bender?

Bender? What are you doing?

I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay.

I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend,

But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale. Now, we can't land on the surface because those robots would kill Fry and me.

The creature is a shape-shifter.

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

Huh? What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape.

Phew! I don't believe it. It's dark matter.

Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay?

building up their flapping muscles, but also making them irresistibly attracted to Fry. (EXASPERATED SIGH) The only way to end this madness is for the ladies to quit, cold turkey. Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system. Maybe they could just go warm turkey?

Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me.

A man can dream.

Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case.

You didn't show me your surprise. Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee.

Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work!

How're ya doin', kid? There ya go. Two one-day mutant surface passes. Thank you, Mayor Poopenmayer. Mayor here. What's that? A horrible crime in the works? Ruthless villain?

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

(GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you. (SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again.

'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money?

As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What? (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron.

Hello, dearies. Mom! It's me, Bender! Look at me! I want attention. Hey, ho! Children, your old mother won't be around forever. Oh, shush.

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

(COUGHING) Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control.

Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving. Sorry, but we're totally sealed in.

I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day! Oh! This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter!

Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer!

Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you.

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you?

That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch to discuss my Hollywood dreams. Next time you see me, don't be surprised if I've eaten.

50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet. You know, romance is an important part of our work too.

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

All right, people... And other things. We got some big deliveries coming up, so...

And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children. I'll be ready then.

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah. I'm scared and confused. I think we've wandered into an off-Broadway play. No. There are way too many people here.

Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops.

When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

By my calculations, this head trip will last at most 24 hours.

Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster.

Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING) When are those new clamps going to get here?

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas.

You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees engage rotor. I know how to make love.

Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device.

And I would pluck the moon from the sky just to see you smile. Almost got it. It seems to be sort of... stuck. Ooh! I love you!

Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh... Oops. We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit.

Dirty boy! Dirty boy! You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender.

Another job well done. Now back to the office for an enjoyable evening of fasting and repentance.

Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you,

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait.

Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

Oh, please. Really? And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley--

You Earthlings worship celebrity with such fervor that I can survive simply by milking your admiration. Milking and milking it through what we actors call "the process." Oh, God, just kill us already. But you all discovered my secret. And for that, you will pay.

Oh. I'm broken again. I can't move any part of me. Good. I'm really sorry I lied, Beck. All I ever wanted was to make music with you.

Oh, no! (SNIFFLES)

But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime. Whoo!

The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern.

Of course, that's just for starters. Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing. All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man,

Mr. President. I found the TV remote. Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart. But I wasn't injured. Ow! (SCREAMS) Well, enough governing. It's Saturday morning, damn it.

So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? A movie-- A movie, ma'am. Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00. Dad! You're being too lenient again. I have to be back by 11:00! Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not!

Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies! I don't even remember shooting this scene. We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room. He stole the scene and my money! That's it! I demand you fire this felonious ham!

Ordinary beans are a magical fruit, but they're tiny and pathetic. So we spliced elephant DNA into their chromosomes for added heft. (TRUMPETS) (BUZZING) So those magic beans are actually genetically engineered? You can't just meddle with life like that.

(GASPS) Wild human! Wild human! (SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING)

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people. They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole, and watch TV at incredible volume, and they generate electricity. (GASPS) That's it! (ENGINE STARTS)

Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

- But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela. in every life, we have Some troubLe.

What's the point of living if I don't have free will? From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, "Bender didn't do that! "It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom.

Conrad pulls ahead.

Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

Stop them! They cheated!

How may I pervert you?

But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking. Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired?

In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

Approved for all audiences! No! NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error. You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven.

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears.

Isn't it obvious? You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

Yes, back to its rightful owners. Now just a hold on minute. This casino is wrongfully ours. Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes. With ironic pleasure. Let's go, trespassers. Hey! What? Hey! Those are my clamps! Take it eas'! Hey, what are you doing?

Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again? No, he died yesterday. Rust monsters ate his face. Sweet dreams! (WHIMPERING)

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin,

Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer. Can't you just dissect my brain? With the building shaking like this? No chance. Hold out your arm. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Wow! FRY: Ugh! My old house.

It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool.

Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error. You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me?

Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman.

(ROBERTO SCREAMING)

I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime. "Download a celebrity from the Internet." What part of that do I understand? It's simple.

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you? Did you hear that, Rusty?

Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick.

accuse Bender of polishing his ass with my toothbrush. (GASPS) Lies! He's just jealous that my ass is shinier than his teeth. (SCOFFS) We'll find out who's lying, my friend. Because I planted a spy camera in our apartment! Let's just see what you were up to last night while I was asleep. Yes, let's do see.

This is going to be a cake walk. Welcome to the history of the 20th century. Look to your left, then to your right. Then in nine other directions. One of the 12 of you will not pass this class. Boring. Let's hear about Walter Mondale already.

Cruel though they may be, I-- And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on...

Well, we're boned.

Yeah! DO it! Well, this is the real me, but I can explain.

(BOTH GASP) Shut up.

Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

(VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)

Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison...

Ow. And the winner is... Destructor!

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again. Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth!

But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

Oh, dear, oh, dear. You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

Well, now you know-- I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud,

Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness!

This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged!

It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow! (DINGING)

And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels.

(GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh!

Hey, come on, you keister-meisters!

Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING) Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant...

Sweet zombie Jesus!

Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something.

Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron.

Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

Let's recap what's happened so far.

I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z.

(BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

Step aside. Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

and I am going to do that. Jumping sound! Ow! I didn't shoot yet. As usual, your delivery arrived too soon. (GROANS) Oh, Delivery-Boy Man! You saved me by random chance! Don't thank random chance.

Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub! Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that?

The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know.

Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela? Say again? You're breaking up.

Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story.

(EXCLAIMS) That is one skugly critter. (GRUNTS) I'm not an animal, I'm a mutant being, and I demand to know where I am. There. LEELA: Momsanto? Yes, you've discovered my floating genetic engineering facility.

Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble.

- Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess.

The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness. The thoughts of others screech at them like the forced laughs... of a billion art-house movie patrons.

Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute. In the English countryside, many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds.

Who was that guy? Your mama.

He decided not to let go.

Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

So, there it is, people. Due to budget cutbacks, we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen. (SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, boo-hoo. Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait!

(GIGGLING) Captain, we were supposed to land two days ago. Is everything... Hey! Are we at the fair yet, Mommy? We're not at the anyplace! LEELA: And we're out of fuel!

My great uncle once saw a rat. If we don't keep them busy, they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner.

Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake! By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry?

Together, just like pieces of a

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder.

Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row! You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you!

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White?

Now, that I like for some reason.

That's a plus. But we can only save 30,000 people. How do we choose who goes? Well, let's see now. We'll need leaders, (LAUGHS) scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots,

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public?

Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer.

I guess I was just jealous. I do miss being Leela's shnookums. I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. (BOTH GASP) Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy. (SNARLING)

It's time to kick some shiny metal ass!

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix?

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

Ow! (GRUNTING) That was not worth $3,000.

There. Fixed forever.

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused. Oh, my. Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3,

Get a shave, ugly! Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

What was that? A tar dolphin or a tar shark?

Phil, it's your father. Where are you? You're holding up New Year's brunch. Your brother can't wait any longer. Hello, first bologna of the new millennium. Ah, here he comes. That's him and Seymour. Well, that's weird. Seymour's here, but--

The planet of gangs, thugs and hustlers? Ooh! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Hello, everyone. It's time for my annual, private get-together with my robot children. I'm her favorite. Well, see you back at the office and don't forget to tell your mom you love her. Any jerk can tell her. Bender has a little more up his sleeve.

I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING) Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys.

No, you're great. Well, just let me know... if there's anything I can do to make it up to you.

AMY: It's working. His acting module is booting up. (ELECTRIC WHINING) Wherefore... Verily... No autographs, please. He's still a bit woozy. Rosebud. Won't leave my trailer for less than $40,000.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in. But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet. Ooh. Sorry. What sorry? Our planet stinks. We all know it.

We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing. You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass.

We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill. Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy.

Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon.

This truly is the golden age of television. Hey, Papa, want to help me earn a merit badge? Hmm? Sorry, son. Right now, NBC needs my love more than you do. - (CHANGES CHANNEL) - (SIGHS) Lrrr. Either help the boy, or go outside and degauss the lawn!

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat. Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

(GROANS) I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art. (CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY)

(ALL AGREEING) Yeah, I guess you're right.

No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less. Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better. The men win that round. In your face, decumbent urinators. (ALL ARGUING)

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool!

Shatner's log: air date, unknown.

No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft.

Foof. You're a disgrace to the very name, Farnsworth. Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

they had no bingo parlors and only one prostitute. Pfft. Pathetic. This here the buffet. Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp!

Bender, I'd like you to meet our director, whose name I never learned. Yo. I read the script... and I think it would help my character's motivation if he was on fire.

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

(BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest! That offer was for a limited time only.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't.

That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long.

Leela, are you there? No. Oh, yes, you are. I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers to a special reception... to display the national silk surplus. I believe you know the heroic space stallion who captured it. Show them my medal, Kif. He rented it with his tax refund.

(CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) (CRYING) What the...

What about my feelings? Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."

(SNAKE HISSING) Watch out! What brings yous to this part of the isles? He's gonna eat us! Don't be such a finch. We Galapagos tortoises have no natural predators. That's so fascinating!

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

Ahh. Ahh. Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right?

I only wrote that poem to test my printer! We'd go walking in the woods, and lrrr would find injured little tinkle bunnies and nurse them back to health. Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night. That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be.

I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant.

Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can!

You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in.

But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone. We are not amused.

This situation deteriorated fast.

I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping. But you wouldn't understand. I understand I can still outdrive your saggy ass, even in this clunker. (ALL EXCLAIMING) That one-eyed housewife called you out! When and where, PTA? (ENGINE REVVING)

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history.

If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either. I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you! But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future! But it's set 800 years in the past. Yeah! Why is this so important to you?

What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (KNUCKLES CRACKING) Will you come on? (TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

I guess it's just us for all eternity. Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me?

He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes. Just deliver the package, and let's get out of here. Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy.

After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record."

Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth. I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O?

Sweetie, it's okay. You don't have to apologize for standing us up... on the only visit to the surface we'll ever have. I want to tell you why I didn't show up, but I can't.

Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing! (SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin?

Well, we're boned. Your turn. Ha! Time for the drum solo.

DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters.

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Help! Fish police!

ANNOUNCER: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time, all while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies.

Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England!

What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

Not all the beer. (CHEERING DRUNKENLY) Fahrvergnugen! Kaiser Permanente! Fruzen Gladje! Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun!

We use a lot more profanity. Son of a... (BLEEP)

(SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING)

Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite. I believe the answer is the television. Very good, Mr. Guenter.

And mix them all together in a big jug.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

Yes! Footprints! And handprints? But... what's happening? Fry! Thank God we found you.

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy.

Wow! Look at all this filth. It's not filth. It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century. Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate.

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters.

Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor. But you know what would really stink? If Marianne spent her whole life never knowing the beautiful scent of her own flowers. (GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl.

Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on!

Go for it, Bender. You know you want to. Well... I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

That calculus lecture was harder than I expected. We had to answer every question in the form of an opera. I have a lot of homework for tomorrow, if I don't want to be embarrassed.

And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator. Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement.

I think it was just an airport.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Wait, I found a loophole in the mortgage. If we actually pay it, we can keep the building. We just need $11 million. And boned. I suppose there's nothing left to do but move out.

(BEEPING) I didn't know this ship had a mammoth detector. You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly." (BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy!

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box.

Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission?

Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it.

So he just showed up unannounced, raided the liquor cabinet, sprayed urine on the ceiling and passed out? And the walls. Leave me alone. My wife hates me and planetary conquest has become a chore.

He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me.

(HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave.

by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello? My Speedos!

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

Not Beltway insider. Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps. Your gift pleases Femputer. Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding...

Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract...

Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you. Sir, you just hired yourself a new what's-a-whatzo.

but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists. Don't wave your fancy degrees at me. I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli, and that's--

Ready? Retreat! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Placing fossil on the Plat-Clone-O-Form. Initiating dog brain CAT scan! Come on, boy. Come back to life. Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god!

Welcome, swingers. Pull up a groove and get fabulous. Nude rock bands. Big piles of what I assume is talcum powder. It's quite a birthday party, Calculon.

Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Oh, my God! What in Babylon?

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING)

I rest my case. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations.

Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

(CHEERING) Down in front! Sorry. I get aroused in crowds.

No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap!

(CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You are hereby conquered! Please line up in order of how much beryllium it takes to kill you!

But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed. Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent. You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow! No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm.

I find the defendants guilty.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive.

What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

Forget it, Squishy. You the one lose her in first place. - You done enough. - Yeah! This time we get most decorated lawman in the whole universe. You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service.

So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew.

The people of that village pray for wealth. That was a... practice miracle. Who's next?

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Yes! Footprints! And handprints?

You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

(ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Just a little bit And take it easy

Ew, gross! Cut it out! Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack! Impossible! We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove! It appears we are in the presence of the fabled one. But without his Scooty-Puff jr., he cannot escape.

You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

Zoidberg, lower the door another inch.

This is the Holo-Shed. It can simulate anything you desire, and nothing can hurt you, except when it malfunctions and the holograms become real. Well, that probably won't happen this time. I wanted to show you what life could be like if we were together. Computer, run program "Kif One."

The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat.

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary? I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father. All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh...

Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me. At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book.

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Psst! There it is. It looks so unhappy.

Are you all right? Oh, yeah. Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here?

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever!

(GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING) Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela!

Einstein is a hard name to remember.

Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you threw an octopus at my window. You know, Zoidberg, it's crazy, but when you talk this way your obvious deficiencies as a male seem...

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain. We all have needs. Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles.

Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur,

You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right!

My baby's milk money!

I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss? Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman...

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold! Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it.

Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left. Except...

With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit.

Well, that makes 146,000 unsuccessful hunts in a row but I've got a good feeling about tomorrow. Wait. What's that?

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

Wow, the interesting thing about that is... (SNORING)

Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation.

You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler. Me? Award? Him? Me? Good?

Yes. Seeds. Wafting.

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Thanks for the help, Leela. Leela, we're right here! I'm not deaf. I just have to wear this stupid eye patch. Does it look stupid? No. In fact, it-it looks so nice i-i think I might get one, too.

Anything? No. Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee!

Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater."

Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance.

This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate.

No one could work them well enough to ride out these energy waves. No one? It's time to hang 20! (SURF ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Morris! What are you doing? Hold on to your coconuts. We're going for the ride of a lifetime!

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help.

I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

Believe it all you want. That won't make it true.

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent--

Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay.

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding."

Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap.

He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills. Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero.

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time.

we are baby love child

You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans?

the only place to get it is straight from the source. The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say?

Let's recap what's happened so far. As you can see, I accidentally created...

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender?

- Hee-ya! - Ow!

It's a necessity of the sport, it is. This is actually quite elegant. It's not what I was expecting. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the meanest things on gossamer wings... The Murderflies!

Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside.

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone. Can I drive? No.

He's five. Happy birthday, young Nibbler. Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape. Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"?

Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There. Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall!

But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have. Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait. Recently? Like since you ate that toilet sandwich? Yeah. I don't know why, but my life really turned around that day.

I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.

Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif.

Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three.

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool?

Oh, all right, cottage cheese. Sir, there aren't that many human beings. A thought occurs-- There aren't that many humans. We'll wait a few weeks while you shore up the numbers. Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part.

And you are outta here!

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did. Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

What do you stupid voters want now?

the confidence to be your best.

Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore.

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours, but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended.

and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today.

Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away.

Alcohol? (CHEERING)

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

Actually, thanks to Dwight's brilliant accounting...

Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong.

Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

It's Bender. Oh, fuff! Why bother remembering anything? You're just going to forget it five seconds later. It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela!

Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then. Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu.

Ooh, love to hold you Ooh, love to kiss you Ooh, love, I love it so Ooh, love, you're sweeter Sweeter than sugar Ooh, love, I won't let you go

(GROANING) (SCREAMING)

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question. As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

Oh, my God. It's Bender's middle finger. I'd recognize this anywhere. (GASPS) (GROWLS) What is it, little buddy? Is it a layer cake? Or maybe World Series tickets?

It's not ironic. It's just mean!

Fry! That's the secret ingredient of Slurm? That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo!

Go after him, Leela! It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that! You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood? I don't know how to say this, Fry. But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Oh, uh, but I don't want to. Fry, you're my friend.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak.

Okay, that's better. Keep them coming! I'm sorry, Fry, but no vegetarian could have done this. I know, and as much as I love Mr. Peppy, I love Leela more. He has to be put down. Ah, don't feel bad. Major MacZongo is an experienced hunter.

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze,

Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music?

All you need is a 4-D intake manifold. (BEEPING) It sucks in fourth dimension, creating a friction-less wormhole. ALL: Whoa! Dig that!

Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

So no one's dead? Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party. So come on, put the guns down and join us.

Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad... continuing this network's tradition of sportscasting excellence.

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under! Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips!

Here, let me help you.

How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

...who's going to stop me? We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen.

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite.

will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold! (COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops!

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

Welcome to MomCorp. Did you find everything you were burgling for? No. I came for a free will unit, and you're going to give it to me. If it exists. Then you got surprised by my swivel chair for nothing. The free will unit was just the fevered dream of a madman I once employed.

(SCREAMS) My God! He was so saturated with ink that his entire body structure was polarized! You mean I'm invisible? No, no, no. Not in any sense of the word. But essentially, yes, entirely.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate.

containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar. (ALL CHEERING) Yes! (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) What?

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh?

Well, I've got to go take this suit to the decontaminators. You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

(SNORING) Hey, I was watching that! The Saints just needed a field goal to tie! Lrrr, you lazy ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

If it went through the fourth dimension before, maybe here, it'll go through the third dimension! By God, you're right! But to keep us there, I'd need to accelerate to dimensional escape velocity during the drift. Oh! If only Minx could see that. Then she'd see me as more than just a father figure.

Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no! We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

What brings yous to this part of the isles? He's gonna eat us! Don't be such a finch. We Galapagos tortoises have no natural predators. That's so fascinating!

I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in. But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet. Ooh. Sorry. What sorry? Our planet stinks. We all know it. Enough with the persecution, I'm saying. Zoidberg, as ambassador, I promise you the full support of our government already.

No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it.

Stand by for reincarnation.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start.

Come on. You call yourselves chumps?

I'll be upstairs putting batteries in things.

I can't shoot you. Bender, I found your trigger finger. Now I can. But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP)

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow!

Bender, quick! Waggle something! Uh--

The end! I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams... and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say!

Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm. I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic!

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again! We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times.

Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker. (EXCLAIMS) (ALL HONKING) (SIGHS) The open road!

Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn. (CHEERING) Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out.

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine.

I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles.

Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am. Jackie Jr.'s my apprentice. I figure if he's gonna work here, he might as well get to know the team. - Who's she? - I don't know.

Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z.

Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

I thought something looked different in here.

So if everything seems to be in order, we'll be on our way, a'ight? Oh, it's far from a'ight. MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right?

that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! (EXCLAIMS)

Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella!

Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

Except for one person. Who was it? Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew.

- You know we don't! - Ooh! Whoever did this was strong. This is 340 pounds of Tonka-tough steel. Hmm. It should look like this. But instead it looks like this. Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this.

My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.

Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here.

Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then.

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

theft of money. As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank... what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime? Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this.

What's that weird cat?

What happened? Why am I in my apartment?

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah!

Say what? Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset. Okay, sure. But first, this.

All the whole numbers have been retired. Well, I must say, I'm impressed. You look just like a ballplayer. Can I pat you on the butt? Fry, I'm a professional athlete. So go ahead. Oh, now I'm too nervous.

But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set, the popular TV show All My Circuits... will hold an open casting call for child robots to replace him. An open casting call for child robots! Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

(BOTH PANTING) I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey!

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet.

The laws of science be a harsh mistress. Say, robot, old buddy, could you help me move a couch? Aw, okay, but I'm not carrying it upstairs.

I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish. (HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the...

So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

I don't know, Amy. I just don't know.

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a...

Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. How about a few words, Professor?

Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease!

Where's my Hot in Cleveland? All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No!

Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine. Your job is to deliver it safe and sound. Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe.

I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No!

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!

Clem johnson?! That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old robot leagues. Now, wireless joe jackson-- There was a blern-hitting machine. Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns. I mean, come on, wireless joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels.

My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free-- You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!" My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth.

I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins-- Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport.

Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

Lay it on us, big boots.

Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

Don't be upset, Leela. You, um-- You look really cute in your uniform. That's what makes it so sad! I thought I was doing something heroic!

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken.

Yep. Uh-huh. "Lickety speed"? Check. Yes, sir. "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope. Wow! Superpowers.

- What the-- - Hey, man. Whoo! What was that? Did everything just jump around or did my brain just stroke off there for a second? Ladies and gentlemen, something very strange has just happened... in this basketball game between space clowns and atomic monsters.

Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation.

BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

What a well-prepared virus culture. This will make a fine vaccine. Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years. Besides, Buzz Aldrin ran over my guinea pig in the parking lot. Okay. Come on, gang, let's go inoculate everyone

Take this... and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

I mean it, don't make this any harder than it has to be. It's time to let go. Ow! Thanks, Leela, he just needed a little extra push.

This will be your standard battle to the death.

Tell me about it.

I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem. Exactly. Now, enough about who is and who isn't a Chinese skank. We're just two happy couples on a double date.

You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

Remember me! I will. I will.

No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade!

Sure. What the heck?

Why should anyone bother? Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak. Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me!

It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up.

(SCREAMING) FRY: Run, Leela! They're bouncing right at us!

Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink. You got it.

and, well, that's no excuse for how I acted.

(GRUNTING) Yeah! Yeah! Aah! Keep your eye on the ground. That's where she's going to land.

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes.

Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

You disgust me. Go on. At that point, our skin becomes a semipermeable membrane... which allows the passage of genetic material. I held Amy's hand, and voilÀ.

Twelve straight hours of limbo. I haven't done that since my honeymoon. Hermes, Hermes, remember that flock of bats? I sure do. That was fun. BENDER: Where are we? I have no idea.

One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed. But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh. I'm so into you.

Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING)

Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

What do you think of the view, Fry? It really puts things in perspective. I mean, from up here, an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.

Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid.

And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat. You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me?

You know it. And there's mini quiches, too. (SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical. Maybe we could plotz in that giant cockle. AMY: Shmeepers, it's the Land Titanic,

Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um-- What if I can't think of anything to say?

It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop.

Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute.

They won't know what clamped them! Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie... the professor, as current C.E.O., remains-- I demand the floor! I may only have one share,

He decided not to let go. I can't believe you're gone. I won't! If I can't reach you physically,

Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help. The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery! I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born.

All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme,

latest fiscal year. Planet Express is on the move! For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me. It was a year of soaring profits...

(GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

You recorded that? The eyePhone records everything. All I did was add a laugh track and twit it to my 10,000 followers.

One! What did she say?

(ALL GASPING) Why you think we so eager to abandon this dump? You guys got 10, 15 minutes max. Well, so long. Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

I've only got two fantasies left-- to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on.

Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor?

How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

Tell me, Zaxxar, were you even born on Earth?

Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great

Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot.

This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching. Mets-a? Short-a-stop-a? Pinching the hitter? I don't understand this blerns-a-ball.

Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Is it working? This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective?

I just never realized it until I met you.

Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee!

Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried.

It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what? This Xmas Day session of court will come to order.

But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things. But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you. Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene...

So, Amy, um-- Well, uh-- It's always a line with you.

What do I need? Ulcers? But I want power. I'm tired of the chief's girlfriend lording it over me with her fancy coyote hide. All right, all right. If it'll make you happy, I'll overthrow society.

Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING)

Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret.

I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real!

Once more. Steady now! There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to...

(ALL SCREAMING)

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two,

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back after these messages. Mom, why is there orange in my Purpleberry Puffs?

I may have a burgling familiarity with it. Does the word "Maltese" mean anything to you? The Maltese Liquor, the strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed! And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime.

I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him! - Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh?

Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots.

A Farnsworth, you say? Well, if I'm not mistaken, the Farnsworths have been in New New York for almost 200 years. Yes, I have. And I'm his uncle. How charmingly unconventional. I can eat a hot dog underwater. Say, would you Farnsworths care to be my guests tomorrow at the Astor Endowment Fundraiser?

But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock.

Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business! Why, you--

Identify this guest. Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth. He escaped. Escaped? No one escapes. This guest does not look 160.

It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES)

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

So, we're cool? Well, it was a spectacular battle,

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there.

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory!

Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy

Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here! (GRUNTING) (PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness.

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

Except, what good is a candelabra without-- Wait! I know! Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned!

It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

Rite my riny retal rass!

But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat. What was the first one again? I hate you. I thought that was number two. I knocked it up a notch.

(STUTTERING) I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh!

Quick, into another box!

Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's...

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

(HOCKING) Nice. All right. Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners.

You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.

Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

What else is on? (SWITCHES TV CHANNEL)

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there. OW-OW-OW! Huh?

Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew!

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that--

Well Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology. (SCREAMING)

And that's the half with the Supermen up, 48-42. Surprisingly dull so far. Bubblegum, the Trotters are down by six. Reactions? It was always our plan to trail at the half,

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah, baby. Come on!

Business is great. Great is okay, but amazing would be great. Please, don't push.

The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis? Francis, I have good news! It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Whoa, dawg. just cold chill. You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really-- - What's that song about? - Hey, yeah. I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay."

And what better way to celebrate our success... than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself? Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know...

Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back?

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece?

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged.

Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot.

Cheer up, meat bag.

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela?

Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations.

Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

In what has become a winter tradition, members of the Zarlon Seven Polar Bear Club... today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia. There were no survivors. Takes all kinds.

You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery? I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard. Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph!

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest! Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics

But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch! Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please-- The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING)

I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass!

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna?

Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me. Death to the 1-X robots!

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee.

Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society!

I'll get us out of here. Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

Yes! Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of Creatureism. All life was created in its present form 7,000 years ago by a fantastical creature from outer space! Bunk! Oh! If your elitist East Coast evolution is real,

Hey, wait a minute.

(SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer.

I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot.

Aha! Prepare to be thought at! - Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything. I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities!

Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts,

Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss.

It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch.

Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

Your old friend Leela is back with a brand new story. Hi. It's great to be back. I think you'll enjoy this one. No! Please. Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump. Kids, let's meet the Humplings!

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing. ...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95? Yes, please. Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late.

Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon? You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes.

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds--

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed?

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy?

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building?

Where's Calculon? And who's this goomer? (WHISPERING) It's me, Calculon. (GASPS) Okay, just sit tight till they call the fake name I made up for you. Mr. Derisgreat? Mr. Ben Derisgreat? (WHISPERING) That's you. Knock 'em dead.

You always were a hot-blooded Latina. NARRATOR: Like all reptiles, the Galapagos tortoise is cold-blooded. Okay, neck, tap, tap,

Then let the negotiations begin.

What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking.

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed. Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song.

Stop acting so stupid!

Is it part of the opera? Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked. This has to be perfect. I want you to hear exactly what I hear when I think about you. Oh, Fry.

This is the best movie I've ever seen.

Joy Juice, hot.

Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth.

Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

Well, that was an utter waste of time.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public. No! Get away from there.

You're welcome!

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters. Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry, and I've tried everything. All right. Never mind. Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt! Fifteen seconds.

Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder!

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me. Come on, we got to save Bender.

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler.

"Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead."

It says here the babies lose their Pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey? Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh. Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never.

You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm. You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time.

You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160.

Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

That's a complete load.

Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem?

Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me.

Professor? I'll ruin you like I ruined this company!

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one.

Don't you realize that if you stay at this depth your body will permanently adapt to the pressure? Realize it? I don't even understand it.

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

What do you mean, "we"? I said "us."

Don't worry. I'll come back and visit sometime. How about December, when they inject the holidays into our brains? That sounds nice, Gram-gram. Well, son, I guess this is goodbye again. Not quite yet.

Whoa-oh! Huh? Hey!

Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies? (DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.

Let's commence preparations for rumbling!

My doctorate is in art history.

They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang.

Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag. I love it even more than I love my seven wives. That's right. I'm a polygamist.

Would you look at that gem? Slap that shiner on a ring, and me and Leela will be doing the married horizontal Charleston in no time.

Oh. Are you my mommy? Negative. Ooh.

your package isn't. Are there really giant birds like that? No, no, that was all just special effects. Now, let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.

Please don't stop playing, Fry. I want to hear how it ends.

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through.

I was just regaling your former coworkers... with a tale of bedroom antics the likes of which-- Yeah, yeah, big whoop. No one cares. I got Bender-related news. I'm in love. And I'm takin' all my friends out to celebrate. Let's go live it up!

It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never. And it's all thanks to a balanced diet, composed of nothing but purpleberries. I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

Well, that's how it feels to me. Bye, Bender. I'll miss you. Oh, go on. Get out of here before you get caught. Bender, good news. Your album just went gold. What the...? It's the humans!

I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

(THUDDING) (BUZZER) 48.3 seconds! We got us a winner! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner. Why didn't you let go?

Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something. I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me!

Call Robo-Rooter when you flush a towel And we can also help with an impacted bowel Robo-Rooter. Mmm... mmm!

I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha! (TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING) (BEEPING) Breaker, breaker.

We're whalers on the--

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Bender, I'd like you to meet our director, whose name I never learned.

That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn. Um, what color is my shirt? If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum. Good point. Oh, never mind this. In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush.

Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants. I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss.

No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

We have bigger problems. This time disruption is extremely serious. Damn right, brother man. This chronological wang-dang-doodle... could destroy the very matrix of reality. Tate, what do you know about this? Not much yet, but I am senior lecturer in physics at Globetrotter "U" and I'd like to help investigate.

(IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that!

Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one!

Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo! I told you to turn around and go back to the park.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it! The old comedians were right. This place is a lot different from L.A.

Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone.

Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them. Where you going, Bender? To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots. Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood?

Yes. My parents were so hurt. I couldn't help it! But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone. We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting.

Dateline: Paramecium Homeworld. Newly crowned Miss Universe, Gladys lennox entertains troops fighting to wipe out the human race. Go get 'em, boys! And in the world of ultimate robot fighting, the Masked Unit wins his championship bout against Gorgeous Gonks by technical melting.

It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal.

It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Ow! Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden.

So, you want to be a comedian, is it? It's my lifelong dream. Well, that dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented! That's why you're perfect for drama. Hmm. Serious drama. Perhaps it is time to give up comedy.

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here!

Glad to hear it. Aha! Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh.

(CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here!

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow!

What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home. (TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell.

So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us.

Huh? It wasn't me. Must be some of that urine you're all so proud of. That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS)

Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

All right, then.

This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is.

Please send the man round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

You should've checked the wording in the fine Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention

Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks.

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme

Well, this is it. You guys wait here. This is going to kill him more than it does me. Goodbye, boy. I'll think of you whenever I sit on something round. (SCREAMS)

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop.

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

No, it's not! (MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You.

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty...

Ah, that hit the spot. I found Bender!

ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench?

You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat. My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

(SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want!

Very well. Let there be light!

No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back. What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender. No. That's not necessary, really.

Mind if we sit with you? Uh, hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

I'm so sorry I teased you back then. Let me make it up to you. I can fix it so no one ever makes fun of you again. You mean, by beating them up? Because I've broken that blind kid's nose, like, ten times, and it doesn't make any difference. No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery. I can build you a paraffin eye and graft it on with skin from your foot.

No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif. And above all, have fun.

Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling. Do it now.

You're the best, babe.

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy. Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it!

It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir.

Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover.

Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub! Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp! This one is for the E. coli. Ow!

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again!

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

I welcome you! The bride has written some vows... that we will now all pretend to be interested in. Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time... to tell you of the many ways I love you. Oh, my!

We can definitely escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam.

What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS) I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white.

(GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend. (PANTING)

Give it a rest, you two!

Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

(YELPING) Oh! (FARNSWORTH SCREAMING) John, are you all right?

the popular TV show All My Circuits... will hold an open casting call for child robots to replace him. An open casting call for child robots! Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Told you! Yee-haw! Still, someone should eat the hat. (BELL CLANGS) (GRUNTING)

I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?

Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone?

Leela, that was great! Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it! And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled.

Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.

Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys. (ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too!

Choose! Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable.

I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right. Dum, da-da-doot, de-de, deet How much? 500 bucks. Done. Zapp Brannigan okay? No. 600.

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out.

But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolemite, there's a slim chance it might have survived. So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby! Then I'm going in after him! No!

There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look.

The gang's all here. Who are you?

Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.

Soylent Green-ooh!

This creature tried to sand-crab into the building.

Mom! Dad! Oh, I'm so sorry I got you kidnapped... by a crazy madman who tried to feed you to piranhas. We're just happy to be involved in your life. No, no. It's my fault for telling you I was a superhero. That's true. I couldn't stand to have you think I was ashamed of you.

My word. If these enter circulation,

Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This. Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist. But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once.

There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass.

Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch.

I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail? Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it.

And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands. My horrible human hands!

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit!

Uh-huh. May I come in? Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these.

Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

A-ha! Oops. No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him!

That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them. No one messes with Mom.

and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon.

You guys almost had him until he digested you. Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain! He's come to finish the job!

So what brings you folks here to Doohan 6? We just released an endangered animal back into the wild, a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS) No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all.

Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did. Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station?

The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun! You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth.

Noticeably F.A.T., drop us a beat.

(FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

A cigar! Ripping. Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom?

And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks. Cue the fireworks guy!

At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

The People call our star witness, Mr. X, whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger. (ALL GASP) Bender, I've been looking for you. Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender?

I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving (SCREAMING) What the hell is that? Nothing. I'm not nothing. All my life, everyone's called me nothing.

Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Then Kif flew Betsy, rescued me from the tornado, and made peace with the Martians. Please. He too much of a wimp. Yeah. I'm sure it was all Mr. Zapp Branigan here.

(FIRING) (SCREAMS) Go, me!

The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it!

I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills? Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly-- Globetrotters win, 244-86.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea.

It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald.

It's so great being away from everyone.

Hmm, he seems pretty angry. Yeah, but I guess I'd be kind of angry, too if I had to go to some uninhabited planet. Maybe we ought to do something nice for him. There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him.

I got your hookup, Fry.

I remind you, you are under a truth-o-scope. Uh, well, uh... the question is-is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching...

Let's go already.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron. Insuring your world, and its destruction. Tonight's planet, a primitive backwater known only as...

- join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story. Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally. - You tell a story. - With pleasure. Once, not far from here,

On what grounds do you challenge my authority? Well, I'm older than you. I can beat you up. Yeah, I bet he could. He's got arm hair. All right, Grandpa, there's only one way to settle this. Death-rolling!

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

The feast is served! Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like. Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples!

Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys.

20. 30. No, 40.

You all know the rules. Whichever house wins the regatta becomes head of the Greek Council and should that house currently be on any type of multiple secret probation it will be lifted and I will be forced to serve as grand marshal of a parade honoring them. I say, Robot House.

Please welcome the superintendent of Kitchen Coliseum, Chairman Koji! No robot chef has ever competed here,

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth!

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby!

I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Ah, that must be my old boss. Hello, Leela. You're fired. I know. I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point. Let the games begin!

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it.

Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it.

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend.

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child.

You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

We're not from around here. Hello. (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English!

Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you. Josh Gedgie, boy scientist. Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie.

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them.

Some sexy, arousing bread.

This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.

To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. To think I borrowed money from you. I was going to ask you to marry me. I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming.

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone.

You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older. Not if you don't freeze me. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now.

Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo.

(NIXON HOWLING ON TV) (TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway.

The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun! You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

It's kind of cramped in here. I don't even have room to hang my clothes. Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes and you're not taking them off while I'm here.

Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief. Please welcome the original Gerber baby Earth President Richard M. Nixon. This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One.

Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy.

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed. Son, I'm the commissioner of ultimate robot fighting.

Let's dump it up! This is the exact location of the dump, but there's nothing here. BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now?

Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me? Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road.

There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

Ah! Another successful day. Deliveries were made. Nobody got hurt. (EXCLAIMING) Yes, another successful day. Well, see you guys tomorrow!

Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes! Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth. Where you been all afternoon? At a-a-- a concert.

All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves. Well, good night. I had a great time.

A-And of course, I tell no one my feelings. But you still have them, right? Oh, yes, but I keep them inside until I can write them in my diary.

I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back. I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear. Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good.

First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks! Oh, no! The monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room! Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack!

I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it! No! I refuse to release anything unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love! (BOTH COUGHING)

It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something. (CLAPPING) BENDER: Now what? I have decided, after little thought, to return your genders.

My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion...

Happy birthday!

Hey... Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

Not another dream! Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app. BENDER: Neat. What was it, 99 cents? No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out?

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet? We just talked, okay?

Hey, Pops! Did that tax rebate come? Came and went! You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots. With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun. But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells!

Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that.

This is for you. A pogo stick.

Okay. What do you got?

- Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump. - Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic!

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them.

Bring it on, baby!

More! More! More!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry?

I know I've heard that melody before. I just can't remember where. Hmm. Perhaps we can narrow it down by seeing what part of Fry's brain becomes active when he hears it. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (BEEPING) Interesting.

Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Psst. Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club? Sure, why not? (GASPS) No time! I've found a clue that could unlock all the secrets of history. (GROANS) Look at these Roman numerals. Roman numerals? I've got it! We're in Rome!

Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor.

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics

Kif, just trust me for once. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops! (SPEAKING ANGRILY IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) It's the Battle of Paco's Tacos all over again.

Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

No, thank you. I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends?

That's coming out of your pay. You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good high-quality oil.

Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot. In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning. Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself?

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace, so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn,

Um. Maybe. Whatever we are, I'm the leader of it. Leader? Fat man, you couldn't even run a bath. Well, you sure can run something, your mouth! (ARGUING) Silence!

You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically."

We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting.

Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram!

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit!

Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go!

That's a good one. Ow! This "women only" planet is sounding better and better. I'm already looking for apartments. Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God!

Why with the long faces? The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them! Oh! You coward! Wait for me!

But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once. Come on, number six! Move it!

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them.

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit. Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow!

- (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here!

Or somewhere else. (SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators.

I'm with ya. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender.

He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in.

Now, which group of heads is good enough for me to hang out with? What do you think, Fry? Fry? Mmm.

Business is great. Great is okay, but amazing would be great. Please, don't push. There's hot dogs for everyone. Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered?

"My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor."

We'll teach you not to lose immediately.

But yer nights of endless, monotonous rotatin' have just begun. Now what say I read you a nice passage from the Scripture to help you forget yer old master? "In the sanctuary, he made two cherubim of olive-wood,

Our ninth finalist, Miss Methane Planet-- Halatina Smogmeyer.

The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it-- not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean. Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space.

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow. (GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics!

Pardon me. Did I overhear you say you used to live here? That's right. Did you know Andy Goldman? Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him! Get outta here! What's Andy up to these days? The short answer is, I'm teaching.

He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God.

Enjoy our private dining room, folks. This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water. Okay, let's work on your execu-speak.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences.

However huge it might be. So what do you suggest, painfully single human? Well, why don't you think back to what brought you together in the first place. Oh, I don't know. Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer! We'd go walking in the woods,

The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before...

Say, where are we? (GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

"I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na." I agree.

(CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit. (COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

Oh, yeah? Watch this!

This isn't a productive area of discussion.

I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art.

I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh! Help. Police. Neat. Welcome to Jurassic Tank.

This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little...

Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

I don't know. I think I saved us somehow. Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants! Duh, duh, duh!

but at least Bender will party with me. Right, buddy? Whoa, whoa, whoa! I enjoy partying as much as the next fellow, but this is Oktoberfest. Good day, sir! Ach du freakin' Lieber! A sausage contest, eh?

Usually he's had more ham by now. Shake!

Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

(CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees.

If we really wanna impress them, we'll have to crush them... with strategy "Dwight Lightning." Very well, but I get to name the next strategy.

I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

Please do not feed the animals!

The Earth is born!

Oh! I don't get it.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus.

and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer! Ow!

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose! Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard! Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu."

You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines.

Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks!

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

Now we're slavin'.

No. I-- Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop! Take my hands

Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day. Thanks. They're my inspiration. But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels?

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one.

I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot, and he's in focus. Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment. What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto? Of course not. I'm just gonna tranquilize him,

Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed! Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer. That device was a gift from my ancestors. Go on.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer.

(BUZZER SOUNDS) Damn it, it won't go on! That's because you're not me. Hooray, it won't go on!

(BELL DINGS) I hear turkey. Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey!

For you Now that we've got their attention, it's time to hit them where they sit by bending the West Side Pipeway to return all sewage to the surface. But who could possibly bend such a huge pipe?

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet? Huh? Damn it, Fry!

Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Sorry, gals. I'm all out.

ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag, but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job.

Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Sounds like a breeding ground for humans. I better check it out. Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?!

One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

Will you be my friend? Ow!

Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark.

What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender.

Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need. Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus. I've got just the thing. Genuine Miracle Cream I bought from a traveling salesman.

Bort. Of eating right we are very fond when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond (READING TEXT ALOUD)

Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon.

Whoo! And try this, kids at home! Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group?

My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us!

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder. Leela, we want you to be captain again.

I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix,

You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY)

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney. You've changed, Fry. What? I haven't changed. Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll.

That's too painful to speak of now. Come. I'll show you your quarters. Ow. Ow. Ow.

It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda. You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

(ALL GASPING) Why you think we so eager to abandon this dump? You guys got 10, 15 minutes max. Well, so long.

Flies, flies and gorillas!

Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

And this here is Frankie.

No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables.

What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun.

Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant. That's okay.

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best...

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela!

We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan. So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins? Well, sure. I mean, not really.

I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake! Greetings, time travelers.

Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done?

I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire! Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles.

Good news, everyone. Remember when you asked to see my family tree? ALL: No. Ta-da! This is my ancestor, Philo Farnsworth, inventor of television, and as a bonus, childhood obesity.

Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here? The tide is coming in.

Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up. Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam?

You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege. For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help. What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight. You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six?

Oh, Chaz. I'm as worthless as this trash can.

(ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year.

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer.

(YAWNING) I don't trust that MacZongo. Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy. Don't worry about MacZongo. He and I are having brunch tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing this. It's nice, but there's still something I don't like about that guy.

Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

Yes. Good thing I noticed the similar shapes.

I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow me. According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car.

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet. Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING) What the what?

It was nothing. I--

Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor?

All right, I'll go.

Hot diggity. I mean,

(GROWLING) All right, let's laugh and learn. ANNOUNCER: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time, all while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies. ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond.

We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

(LAUGHS) Hang on... Okay, let's fight.

Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float.

Or other reasons.

Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk!

I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet. Options? We have only one option. Protocol 62.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks!

Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look. Aw, that was uncalled for. I'm over here.

Hello? Anybody home?

Hmm... I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension. I suppose that could be an issue. (MUFFLED SPEECH) I knew it. I knew he'd get us killed somehow. As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it,

Thank you. What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes.

And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

(BUZZING) I'm sorry, Bender. What do you want me to put on the glass? (BUZZING) Okay, if we survive.

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

Well, you sure can run something, your mouth!

As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

do not kill your parents. If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents. Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN) Preparing for takeoff.

Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim. Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either,

Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl!

I think they look cool.

For this demonstration - I've placed one of Mother's bras on ignor. The robot controller is nestled here in the left cup. Never fear.

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

Let's find out! Bender, do you know what a chamber pot is? I don't know, and I don't care. A Massachusetts ha'penny? Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. ALL: Ew. What? Bender bit a poo penny.

It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald. What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone.

Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry.

The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote.

(BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive... for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end!

Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment. But Guenter's obviously better off being intelligent. Tell him, Leela. Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this.

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service. That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me. Ew.

Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa!

That's funny. Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.

Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

Quit squawking, fleshwad. Nobody's forcing you to buy anything. Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

The city's in a bad neighborhood. Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals.

All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din. I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it.

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu.

Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening!

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh.

It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?

Leela, my love, will you marry me?

(TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back. T. text home? Sorry, boy.

Hmm! I've heard that line before. Oh, what's the point? Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why.

An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

Well, I guess reality is what you make of it. Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

There. One million papers folded and loaded. Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal.

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why?

I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what?

Who said that? How do you know my real name?

You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801.

You're projecting an air of something. Phew!

There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS)

(GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee! The ratchet won't turn backwards,

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all?

I gotta mope things over for a while. Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags.

That was weird. It's like the Jagermeister air show all over again. According to Google Hive, we are at the exact center of the honeycomb.

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela.

Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there.

Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby. Ain't you heading home, Phil? In a minute. I just want to finish this paperless work.

(BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring.

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

Concentrate, Leela, concentrate. (TROMBONE PLAYING) Fry, I'm writing here. Do you have to play that? Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences!

You should've checked the wording in the fine Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have.

Tell me, Dr. Beeler. Will I need to threaten you? Not at all.

Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela.

Just pick something and blow it up so I can get home in time for The Finder Outer. Oh... What the... All right, good enough. Let's go.

I love you so much, Angleene, I want you to be happy, no matter what. But what are you sayin'? I'm sayin' I've got an unbendable girder to bend. You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable! Well, I don't know anything about lifting,

Never heard of 'em.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am! (ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire.

(PATIENTS GROANING) My God! I've never seen such a gruesome shark attack. Especially this far inland.

Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare.

Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell.

It's good! I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about.

Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres! Also, mine has air conditioning.

No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah.

(ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

What's wrong with it? Well, aside from causing eye cancer these things had a lousy, low-definition picture. That's true. On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo.

(TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING) Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face!

I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned

Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels.

Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons. I'll test it out on that innocent bystander. Ow! Yo, you just shot yourself again! It's a trick! Get 'em! (ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes.

No! Help! Thank God this log is sturdy. Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us.

Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money... Please don't leave. Fry! Oh, I just knew you were still alive! I owe you ten bucks, Hermes. Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids.

but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated. Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now! What? Oh. Okay.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere.

Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend. Oh!

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here.

1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us

But don't tell no one. Spread the word.

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud... of the mud planet Decapod 10! Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy?

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list. Come on, fellow mortal. We're in Tijuana. I want to live a little. Help! I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!

Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender, taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death.

Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder!

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now.

Ah! (GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

So soon? Oh, well...

(WHINES) Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch. Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do.

Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez.

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

What's going on? How did we save you? It was the weirdest thing. We went to sleep, and when we woke up, our cave husbands were gone. I'm gonna miss Spencer.

So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject.

Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

Dad! We screwed up! You did? Tough luck, suckers! Please. Help us, Pops. We agreed to deliver way more papers than we could handle. But we couldn't handle 'em, so we started dumping the extras in a crater on the moon! And now everybody's yelling at us about their missing papers. And we don't know what to do!

It's fake, mon.

Why didn't you let go? My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle! (STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look. Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING)

You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

I also offer video poker! It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow.

(MOANS) - Hi, Mom. - Hi, sweetie. You want some crackers and a slice of hat? No, thanks. Listen, um... I never got the chance to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes?

But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring.

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone.

(ROBOTS SCREAMING) Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease!

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg. Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela.

And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling. Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening?

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench. More.

Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already--

Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING) (SPUTTERING)

But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle.

Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan. Look at this. This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people?

No, no, no, no, no! Amazing! It appears to be some kind of extremely ancient calendar, predating even the Girls of Sumeria. Of course. It's a Mayan calendar. No, wait. There's some dried-up old stew on the screen.

This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning.

(SNIPPING) Hubert, I'm sorry. Huh? He doesn't have hair.

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong!

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness.

Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter. You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data.

- Go get it, boy! - Ruff!

(GROANING) Man! Pwned again! This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck!

a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket.

Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke?

and special guest Bender! A portion of the proceeds might go to help broken robots.

Howdy, folks. Come on in.

Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here.

FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button. But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars! (SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

It's me, Fry! It sure is.

As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges. The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.

I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!

But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon. And which one rocked your world? Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

Hello, jerkbags!

Darn it! I'll be right back. (SNORING) Hermes, oh, you foolish man, what do you need a Cylon eye for? Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

Could you get the lights on your way out?

Please, lady! I want to live. Can I use bat to protect head? Ow! Apparently not. Heh heh! Check out the one-eyed bean machine!

(BOTH LAUGHING) Well, I may not have a man, but at least I've got you, poopsie-doodle. Leela, it's time you and I had a talk. A talk? You can't break up with me. You're my pet!

Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet.

What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day. Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even-- Ah. There we are.

How was the wedding, Bender? Says who? I didn't witness anything! In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant. Poor Calculon.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky.

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah!

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed. Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box.

The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man!

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you.

I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

Shut up and take my money!

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me.

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.

Is Nibbler stoked for the big pet show? He oughta be, with all the strict training I've been putting him through. Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal. Whatever happens, remember-- the flame of my eternal love will burn forever.

To Fry. I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is.

of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty!

but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

I'm getting everything ready for when he's cloned. Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence? Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you.

(WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING)

We don't work for you anymore! What?

And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite. I believe the answer is the television. Very good, Mr. Guenter. Wow. Smart and cute.

These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry.

Item seven, our corporate tax rate remained unchanged this fiscal year. That's not funny. It's not supposed to be funny. It's a business meeting. Things used to be funny around here. Noses were picked, pants fell down. So, what changed? Only Fry could say, and he's gone.

And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!"

You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need. Stuff the ship.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw.

Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away.

(GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (STRAINING)

and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon. Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids?

That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres! Also, mine has air conditioning.

We'll try to respect your independence and freedom. No! I want the real teen experience-- chores, curfew, the works!

Stay calm, dearest. I'll save you! Kif! You're flying Betsy! Need a lift? Oh! Oh! Ooh! Great Mother Mars. He has the gift.

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers.

August 6, 1991.

There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes?

Great work, Bender. You've taught us to hate humans all over again.

(PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you.

Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go?

First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers.

You really think I have a chance? Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out! You haven't heard the last of...

I'd better take my pills. Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10. Aw. You always say just the wrong thing in just the right way.

I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository. How are you doing there, Fry?

We commend the body of the great Hamenthotep... to the abode of the damned. The damned good-looking. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral.

Well, that was dumb.

Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys.

- Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go? Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

Brothers and sisters, get your love beads. Can't journey to the center of your mind without love beads. Wow, look at the colors! These'll go great with my soul. Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently. I'll take three. Give me one, man.

I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety. Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist.

(ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature?

Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings. Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys.

That's enough out of you. From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation. No fair! My mom is going to kill me. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship.

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never.

Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out.

(KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot! Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad.

Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

(MUFFLED YELLING)

Invalid selection.

Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls? You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats! Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING)

I'm so sorry, guys.

Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner!

Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

(HUMMING) Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute.

Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era. (BELL RINGING) (COW MOOS) Rush hour.

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars. Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal. What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

Sometimes it falls apart just sitting in the hangar. Professor, I've never asked for anything before, but seeing those fem-bots glistening with oil means more to me than life itself. Call me an old fool, but I believe the Lord is speaking through you. Brace yourselves, everyone.

The challenger's ugly food has shown us... that even hideous things can be sweet on the inside. And now, judgment. The winner will become the new Iron Cook. The loser is doomed to scrub.

Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat.

And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War. But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth--

No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

There ain't no beeswax in the whole world. Oh, no. This could be the year without a Kwanzaa, like every year before 1966. The bees are acting all crazy like they been drinking Tang and cough syrup, or as I call it, my Friday night. (LAUGHS) (COUGHING) My God.

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela? I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen. But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope!

(GASPING) She beat you to both things! It's okay, Son, Mama's here now. Daddy! Don't let her take me! Get your lack of hands off my boy! You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child!

Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

Uh-oh. Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer. Ew, gross! Cut it out!

(CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy. Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why.

Good startling news, everyone.

I told you. Mr. Peppy's a lover, not a fighter, like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson. (CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound? It's Mr. Peppy. I'd know him anywhere.

I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

A man can give her a toke of her own medicine. Yes! I could put my mind into a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him! The court is intrigued.

and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me. (PURRING) (RUMBLING)

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.

Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you. Unless, of course, you had won the award. Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. The stupid professor didn't even show up for me. I'd just like to thank my awesome parents. We love you, Johnny! Shh!

Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on! Before that, it was off. Twice around Central Park. Loser has to make the winner's Medicare copayments for a year! A'ight. On three. One...

Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes.

You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you.

But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon. And which one rocked your world? Wow, way to tell that guy off.

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat!

I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on.

in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard.

And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

(LEELA READING) You know, all in all, I had a good life.

and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! Sweet zombie Jesus! Like it's not hard enough to make a freakin' TV show for under 50 bucks. Damn it. I'll call you back, Grandma. Nice of you to show up, toots. I mean that sincerely. It's just that I'm in showbiz. Sorry, I went to my quiet place to write. Here's the script.

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote.

Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend.

(BENDER GASPS) He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero! (ALARM BLARING) What's happening? The phone's been disconnected, the ship's repossessed,

Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God!

Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out?

Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said. i'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning like A whiRlpool, it never ends... A little lower. Lower. Lower.

Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys!

It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good. Do you think what I did was wrong? Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it.

Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir,

Now, how do we escape?

Sorry, everyone, but need I remind you? Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water." Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Good-bye. Uh, Professor?

So, there it is, people. Due to budget cutbacks, we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen.

No! I won't go back! I won't... Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either.

DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that.

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

Oh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization.

We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power!

I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it.

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman.

Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered! I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk.

Oh, I think I'm getting a little caterpilly.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods.

I don't want to conquer planets or kill things, or wear a lame cape.

Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden. But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian.

Gross! Ick! Mm.

Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle!

Not where it counts. (GROANS) I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art.

MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right? It's a Crud and he's got a gun! Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror. It was self-defense.

Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero!

Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like, "You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!"

I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me.

There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow! NO-O-O-o!

Hey! Turn that damn music... up! Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies!

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago,

Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks. In theory, it could work.

Total celebrity trash.

Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on!

This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig. What's this?

You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids.

I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah. We're slowing down. Don't worry.

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way.

NARRATOR: Far beneath the everyday rumble of limousines and poodle feet, there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class. The noble sewer mutants. For, you see, generations of exposure to toxic sewage mutated them into horrific monsters!

Oh, snap. Ooh...

Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed. Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine. Fry, what's wrong? Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone.

Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying-- Anything? Because I can give you new robotic ears. What? You can give me new ears? Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return? just your hands, my dear. Whatever you said, forget it!

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000?

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

First order of business is to put on your uniform and take your ID photo.

just one more reason we must survive this. Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit. I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair. That's not true. Well, that's how it feels to me.

Of course! Duh! It's an important unit. And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh! Whoever did this was strong. This is 340 pounds of Tonka-tough steel.

You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Pay dirt! Hyah! Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar.

What's that? War were declared.

Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back. I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear. Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job.

Our transaction is complete. Come, Solomon, to the lair! Mom! Dad! Oh, I'm so sorry I got you kidnapped... by a crazy madman who tried to feed you to piranhas. We're just happy to be involved in your life.

Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him?

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

But you keep on talking Keep on yakking Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea? Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you? Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh?

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back

I think you broke the universe.

Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

In a stunning turnabout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal. What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey!

Sounds like fun on a bun! Shut up! I said it first!

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy? Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one. Daddy has a present for you today. Do you know what it is? It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do. Even break dancing.

Milking and milking it through what we actors call "the process." Oh, God, just kill us already. But you all discovered my secret. And for that, you will pay. Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold!

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not. I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement. If you don't get me more Good News, everyone,

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter?

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

What the what? Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift! I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job.

(POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this! Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but...

Good-bye, Fry. Good-bye, Leela. Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh!

Well, that's eight hours. Yeah, eight hours of solid boredom. Nah, I'm kidding. You're a wonderful man. Finally, the atom is safe.

Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived! Take whichever one you want.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Remember when you asked to see my family tree? ALL: No. Ta-da!

Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew. This is awesome.

I like 'em tight My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real? My broken friend is closer to me Than an ass to a chair Hmm.

I'd better carve a shiv for protection.

Bender's going to be killed! You know what else I could use? A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys.

Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS) Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song.

You are now dead.

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good.

I... d-- Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar!

And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps, but we, like, totally dissed Moose! Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose. But in the meantime, I have good news! I may have solved our age problem. Yea!

Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed.

There'll never be another like him. Let's hire someone better.

Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday. Humans have been vacationing in our habitat for years. In fact, Leela's been here before. When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment,

Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck. Oww! Oww! Oww! And the winner is number four, Steven! Ohh! I am so unlucky. I've run over black cats that were luckier than me.

Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate! With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move. (GASPS) I can't believe you came! The Beachmaster'll kill you if he finds out!

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

What category are they on? They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor.

So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need?

Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz. Since when have you been in the biz? Long enough, little man. Long enough.

He needs a physical.

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us

Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part?

Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird. Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now! What? Oh. Okay.

but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender! Citizens of me!

Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House!

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Hey, guys. We just stopped by to tell you we're taking some vacation days.

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where? Here! Literally, here! (ALL GASPING)

I really like it.

Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

(LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh!

He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on.

Yes, but your body stayed on message and that message is, "Look at my shiny new body."

Ah! The royal bottle is empty! You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me.

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Whoa-ho. No, no. No applause. Every time you clap your hands, you kill thousands of spores... that'll someday form a nutritious fungus. just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up. Please hold your thumbs until the end. Now, folks, it's time to stop that tanker...

Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

Help, Satan! You owe me! Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash!

Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey. Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat.

I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never!

Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo. Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo. Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter.

Good for you. Can we go home now?

This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders.

Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel. I had no idea the company would be sold! I was just an innocent suck-up! You've got to believe me!

Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings. So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe... Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm...

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice!

All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope. She always liked not being observed with a telescope.

Then how do we decide who gets the ball? Agnew, show them. (GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now? (LAUGHS) (SOBBING)

which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid.

I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

It's over, Jezebel. Grab your things and get out. I didn't bring any things. That's what I like best about you, baby. (EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel,

Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all.

Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners. No, thanks. We're delivering e-waste. Pity. We're halfway done. This thing is 40% chromium!

Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

Uh. Uh. Okay, so we were hot. I stole Amana's Freon coil so we could hook it up to Bender's ass and build a cooler.

Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat? (SIGHS) This is the fox we'll be hunting today.

(GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen.

Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump.

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

Yeah! That'll show those poor! Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS) Let's just find Bender.

Why's he wearing a bag on his head? They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation. He's raked in seven Academy Awards for best actor and two for best actress, all without ever removing his trademark bag.

Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up?

Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3.

One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their... Is he objecting or backing up?

let the Horn of Eternity cut a thunderous blast! The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun!

I'll get things started with a little neck extension... Then a couple of these... And here we go!

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things?

You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost. (STAMMERING) A ghost? No, just the regular kind.

I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot.

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving. Sorry, but we're totally sealed in.

Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard... Flashin' his filthy scab money.

"By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed.

That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda.

Futurama is brought to you by Arachno Spores, the fatal spore with the funny name.

What was wrong with your date last night? I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Possibly his vile lizard tongue. You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely.

I could conquer Earth, kill all humans.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over!

How about these cookies, sugar?

Robot Hell had a fire, too.

Faster! Faster!

I say Brannigan. I say no. I say me. I say Leela! I say yes. I say no. I say Leela, too. I say yes again. I say I shall join her.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on!

Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom!

How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly!

You see, that fossil was made of dolemite, the tough black mineral that won't cop out when there's heat all about. By contrast, observe the lava's effect on this ice swan. Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature. I just wanted to get rid of it.

Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what?

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry.

I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

Quick, Hermes, the keys.

I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right!

(YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story...

All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

I guess I'm happy for him. And honestly, Francis is a way better friend than Bender ever was. Hey, where is Francis?

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

(LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal! It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get? Well, that depends on what one of those things is.

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap.

(SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive.

What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up. His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend. Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't--

Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here.

The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

aah! Whoopsie-daisy.

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow! This is all Leela's fault. Yeah.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999.

- Probably you. - Me? Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way.

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode.

Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's. Undercover pursuit in progress... baby.

And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk.

But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you? I give up. You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you. Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go.

Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment. It's this season's shark-cartilage enema! But I like being old! I don't have to talk to my parents. No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms.

Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you.

Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert!

Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?!

This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing.

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

I don't want it anymore. So I gotta hide forever? No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you. They're pretty good at that. Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever.

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Just your big jangly booty, baby.

Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo. Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort? That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen.

I'm broken again. I can't move any part of me. Good. I'm really sorry I lied, Beck. All I ever wanted was to make music with you. I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone.

Shh. Now, a short film about those pitiable creatures so in need of our charity.

Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

Let's all go to the lobby.

Gender? Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order. Ows! I am not familiar with this concept of gender. My species has only a single gender, known as "neuchacho." Interesting. Come on, men! Let's kill him!

Oh, I made myself feel bad.

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute.

It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine. Oh, my, yes. Thank you all for saving me-- especially you, my little clone. No matter what you decide to do with your life I'm still proud of you. I've already decided.

Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help!

Sold! A complete sandwich? You got fleeced. I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside. What is this moose drip?

(STRUMS OFF TUNE) So how's it going with the real-world experience? Have you found a railroad man to write a song about? Yep, my good friend Big Something here. Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man, and there ain't much more to say about me. Not till now there wasn't.

You must despise us. You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

They're missing out on some hot pickle action. (AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds.

Zoidberg? (POPPING)

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!

Wait, what's happening, friend?

You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good. Do you think what I did was wrong? Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.

What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me? What else? Nothing else.

I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked.

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.

Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it!

It's perfectly safe to let our guard down-- Even for a second.

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay.

but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon. Sun. At night it's called the moon.

Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on! Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead.

I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

Yeah, see you later, chumps.

Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities? Let's just say a little bird told me. Leela told her parents. Leela's parents blabbed. Leela, is the person that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy?

ALL: No. Ta-da! This is my ancestor, Philo Farnsworth, inventor of television, and as a bonus, childhood obesity. And here's Dean Farnsworth, developer of the Farnsworth Test for Colorblindness.

Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity.

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang.

Still don't trust me, huh? Well, you can take your lack of trust and jam it in your kidney hole. The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS)

We did find it. It's called Homo erectus. Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have!

Maybe not to you, Kiff. But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy. Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!"

Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me.

I don't even breathe... oxygen.

Yo, classmate, whatcha taking? Oh, I don't know. Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields."

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it!

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots.

Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan.

(LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean.

It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces. Hey. What's going on? This is a delivery company, not a delivery room.

Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal, the clown of the sea.

Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot.

No good. It's full of steam. You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it...

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom.

Let it ride! (ALL GASP)

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger.

Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

He could be a storage closet For outdated pants I like 'em tight My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real?

Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you. Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer.

You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out! (CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper!

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food?

Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway.

'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV. If it's on TV, it has to be real. Morbo interrupts Bowling For Quatloos to present breaking coverage of the birth of Senator Chris Travers. We now go live to the delivery room,

After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers.

Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Nice job, son. (COUGHING) Hey, wait a second! I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite.

In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse. And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own. Then live on, forever cursed.

Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary.

Oops. No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him!

The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other. We got it from this convenient database of his ten most frequently used words.

Sweet pyro of Cairo! That's true! Could Bender be setting these fires just so he can be a hero? Oh, I don't know. Possible, feasible. Maybe. Yeah, probably. How dare you murmur about Bender like that! He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet.

Keep going. We're almost outside! Zoidberg, try to just burp up singles. FRY: Blind Joe!

This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING) Cool. Can you turn into a race car?

Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies."

Ohh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer.

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS) Hey, Professor,

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah...

I'm going too fast! I've got to lose momentum!

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones?

I deserve free money!

I should've known better than to trust one of Fry's romantic gestures. Every time he says he loves me, I get killed. It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets. (SCREAMS)

- Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance?

We're just trying to be cool like Bender.

I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator. I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted! I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face! (GASPS) It's another soda baby! (ALL GASPING)

Hey, chumps and chumpettes.

Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore. Old-fashioned? Hammy? God's wounds!

the Mobile Oppression Palace!

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING) Me! Thank God you've come!

Take notes, Kif.

You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me?

Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television...

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker.

Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K

Oh, my, yes. Thank you all for saving me-- especially you, my little clone. No matter what you decide to do with your life I'm still proud of you. I've already decided. Dad... when I grow up, I want to be just like you.

People, as company bureaucrat, I will today be conducting the annual performance review. With a twist. (ALL GASPING) Oh, no. The firing tie. Correct. I will be evaluating each of you, and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg.

But-But I'm the delivery boy. Don't worry. Everything went fine. - Better than usual. - We got medals. Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo!

Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

(CRASHING) KWANZAA-BOT: Oh, yeah. Hurray! Kwanzaa-bot's here to save... (SQUELCHING) They killed him. Joyous Kwanzaa, everybody.

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that.

It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

it's good to be home. It sure is. By the way, I saved your stuff. So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet.

Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know. Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot. Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me? We both know there's something there. No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device. Hmm, sporty.

I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old. Step aside, lady!

I need something for my friend Leela. just give me your best animal. Best? Well, that's a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail.

Ah, there you are, Your Majesty. It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony. A fancy dress gala? I'll wear my formal shell.

I don't understand.

I really like it.

Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network?

That's from Xmas and Robanukah you plagiarizing lout Yeah, I'm kind of losing interest here I best be rolling out But before I go, the most important thing What's that, black Santa? You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night But they best be made of beeswax

I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all...

I suppose that could be an issue. (MUFFLED SPEECH) I knew it. I knew he'd get us killed somehow. As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it, such a digestive system would divide a 2-D being into separate pieces!

Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow! I just can't please Leela no matter what I do.

Live bait. Get your live bait here. Whoa! Fresh-killed bait. (CHOKING) (SHIVERS) Can we get inside the shack? I'm wearing a belly parka.

We say words that are bad And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

Thank you. Come again. That's what I call a hostile makeover. Hair gel? No, thanks. I make my own.

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Forgive me, my friend.

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal...

but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions.

Hey! Turn that damn music...

Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah!

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth.

Ugh. Is there a way to just keep it as solid waste? FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on. The Stardoz 2293. Not for everybody, but you pull it off. Please don't pull it off.

This is all Leela's fault. Yeah. If she had let us use the backup dolly we could have broken it given up, and gone home by now. You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things. Ah, Leela's not that bad.

Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner. Zoidberg? Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life.

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING)

Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box!

Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him. Aw. I'll call him Nibbler.

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

We are the Cruds, but we're over here. And don't shoot. That crate is a gift from us. - What? - Huh? For real? There's been enough violence on these streets. Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered. So, yo, we sent you a crate of weapons as a sign of trust. Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy,

all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land. But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed. Scuffed kippers, anyone?

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it. Ah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers!

Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

You go fight biggest brain of all. Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know. Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay.

Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional-- A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher. It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles. That's funny. Careful, sir. Oh, yeah.

You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings.

Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people.

Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

(GASPS) My old apartment. My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend.

(GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion...

(ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Don't make me call the maintenance guy.

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now. It's Fry. Wiggles?

Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella! Galloping gators! You're a superhero? Well, that's wonderful!

that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

(WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years.

In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine.

Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these, and God himself will ask to be seated far away from you. Ooh! Heirloom eggs? That's so life-affirming.

Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you.

Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

Whoo! I'm the greatest!

even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww! (GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker. The rest of you might as well give up now, 'cause I'm gonna take home the... Hey, what's my grand prize gonna be? Oh, there is no prize, Dorothy,

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer!

Not really. Would you like to see our giant karaoke machine?

What up? Word. See? Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human? What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root. Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex. Oh, that's ridiculous. I'll take two pounds.

Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch.

Look at this sissy, Kiff. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice. I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong.

Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you?

(GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile!

Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you.

Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true. Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers. Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul!

Ah, look at the cute little... Aah! I was gonna go yachting in those feet! (HISSING) Oh! (GRUMBLING) Oh! Oh! Aah!

(MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

(GRUNTS) I want my dollar! Sean? What the heck are you doing, you moron? A little drinking, a little fighting. Get off my back.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt.

I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead.

Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12,

Duh, okay. - Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)

Hey, listen, Skippy. I was supposed to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the thousandth anniversary screening of jury Duty 2. How come I'm not there? I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what?

From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing. Ah! Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires.

So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this.

With gusto. Aw.

(YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment!

You got the rest fooled, but not me. Now let's take this outside, so's no one else gets clamped. You're the boss, stranger. I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation. It being the celebration of your planet's millennium,

Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human?

Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You!

Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling.

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby.

He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is...

No! Don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them. But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not? That's like Christina Aguilera singin' in Spanish. Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son. Good, 'cause I'm sick of him. (ALL LAUGHING) I'm serious. He's a terrible person.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex. Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh? Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan. Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe. What a lonely life.

So beautiful yet so Neutral.

Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

His name is me! A defective robot, you say? Stay right there, dearie. I'll have tech support take care of you. Well, things are starting to look up. Look up!

Hey, that's my brain!

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor. Has anyone seen Bender? Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot!

Both! The delivery is going to the Blips. So when you meet them, you'll want to be wearing these jerseys. Not these jerseys. 'Cause if you're wearing these, you'll be killed on the spot. Okay, here are your jerseys. No, wait. Here.

Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger!

to dog mode. The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon! It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion. I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel.

I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

Anyways, Earth done run out of petroleum oil. (ALL GASP) I tried to warn you. One unit of free, limitless solar power, please. That'll be, I don't know, 10 bucks. Can you make change for a Nobel Prize?

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave.

I know how it feels to be alone. Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it.

Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die. Hmm.

Hmm. Hello, Zapp? Well, well, well. Zapp, we're out of fuel. And Vergon 6 is about to implode. We need your help. So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl.

Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb?

No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something.

Robot, activate yourself and do my research. Ahh.

Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough.

Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

I'm too pretty.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

(ALL EXCLAIM) We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end.

Dad, do I have a birthday? Hmm. You didn't have a birth, so, technically, no. Oh, don't feel bad. We can celebrate the day I extracted you from the cloning tank.

Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman!

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo?

Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack! Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon.

There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops!

Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

Humans dating robots is sick.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course!

(MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you.

Men who call too much are the worst, I bet.

I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank.

Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again! And Mr. Fry, I sentence you...

but I am senior lecturer in physics at Globetrotter "U" and I'd like to help investigate. You're that Bubblegum Tate? Well, I sure ain't his grandma. Now, look here, Prof. I think we got ourselves an excess of chronitons in the subatomic interstices. Yes. I see.

But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY)

Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving. Sorry, but we're totally sealed in. Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes. Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery...

Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem. We'll each have to search a universe. Everyone, grab a length of wire first, so you can find your way back.

Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

just relax. I'm sure my parents will love you. You don't understand. When I get nervous, I can't control my camouflage reflex. Oh, dear. Oh, goodness. Oh, odds and bodkins.

What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need.

Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer. Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead.

Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS) So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead!

Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

No, no, that was all just special effects.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body,

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness. "Ocean madness." Yeah, right. Yeah, it's always something, ain't it?

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Aye! We're hitched up tighter than Davey jones's U-Haul. At ease, men. I am at ease. Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

I can't see nothin'.

Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time.

I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

Who the sweaty hell is it? Hubert Farnsworth? I was out fleeing some robots and the silvery moonlight glinting off their bloody claws made me think of you. It's been a long time you pus-dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky.

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector.

I'll be back-- Back when you least expect it. Next Xmas! Ho... ho... ho!

Why don't you just move along? Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that? Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship.

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot.

Ick! You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood! You've waited too long to switch back, you dingbat! Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out? Uh-huh. All right.

(MAKING SILLY SOUNDS) (ROBOT DEVIL LAUGHING EVILLY) Run for your life, Fry! Move your ham flaps! He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered!

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to.

Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to...

just ask the question.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand!

Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos. Amy, that man is a criminal.

But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse.

Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? And clean the black parts too.

Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor!

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world?

And non-union action! I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew!

"Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear.

Would you like cream? Yes, please.

Eight to eight. It's a tie.

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey. Hmm... Come in.

Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

We can't get through. The planet's blockaded. That won't stop us. Activate cloaking device. There's no such thing. Then engage deflector shields. That's from TV, Geordi. Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have? A can of paint. (CAN RATTLING)

You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open. Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic. So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know,

I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now. I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy. What?! It's shameful, I agree.

Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

(SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe!

Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it? Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented. You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen. Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

All right, diamond, you won those rounds, but I've got an ace up my hole.

We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

(GRUNTS) (GROANS) Help! Boy trapped in ice! Oh! Thank you, thank you.

Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

His ass-ias is gracias!

Cut! That was terrible! Just stick to the script.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle.

I like your style, Fry. You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around. Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint. Now it's time for my song.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth.

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that!

(SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers!

Bender! Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life! Hi, boss. Yo, dude. Hey! He's not dead. What's up with that?

Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender.

I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy. Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human. Yeah.

Seriously, I'm weirded out. That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man.

I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something.

Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy.

No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on. Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild?

Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true. I may not be able to change the laws of time and space, but I know something that can.

I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over. (CHIRPING)

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Skipper, we're losin' the crowd. Put in our new novelty act, Leela. Nagdaggit! I already put in the circus clown! Yeah, but he bunted. Clowns are only funny when they swing away. Your attention, please. Now pitching for the Mets, Turanga Leela,

(CHEERING) Down in front!

Look up! Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb? No, I just told the robot company I was defective. You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you!

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad!

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Mushu, the educated whale who thinks he's better than you! Come on, Mushu! Barf!

(BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care.

You are so totally... Right. You're right. I am? Huh! Maybe Zapp isn't the only one who's marriage material. You're getting there.

There can be no question! Wow, it hasn't changed in 1,000 years. Okay, everyone, into the fountain.

No. We're both delirious from dehydration. Just like Adam and Eve. FARNSWORTH: We can still save Earth. People are sure to clean up their act when presented with cold, hard facts by rational folks like us.

You were like a machine. But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw. Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh!

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet.

Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S.

Correct! My button has broken!

Good night, Hubert.

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next? The farmers pray for sunlight, so their barley might make a more refreshing beer...

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it!

your keister is doing good.

This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano.

What I'll remember is our time together.

Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still.

Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot.

Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup.

ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity! (EXCLAIMS)

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir.

As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

(SIGHS) Aww. I think it's noble of you to give Marianne a new nose. Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind. True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor.

I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings? I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man. (BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

See you at my funeral, suckers!

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir!

Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems.

and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me. (PURRING) (RUMBLING)

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was.

So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes.

I like it. I'm thinking we need to downplay those hideous growths on your head. Horns are a sign of virility. Also, they house my testes. I'm thinking horn extensions.

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'. That proves it! Fry is alive somewhere,

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

This top makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude? Yes! Perfect! You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right? And if you are, don't tell me. Are you? Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

Mr. Zoo Director, we don't know you and you're facing away from us, but you have our friends caged up and... (GASPS) Dr. Banjo? The same. Hang on. (GRUNTS) Coming around. There. Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends.

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham. What? What is funny?

Now, if you see any robots just stay out of their way.

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure! Oww!

Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong. Hey, rich girl!

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

(GASPS) Back! Back, you beasts! Follow me. The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose. (GRUNTS) (AMY PANTING) (ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and... - (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant!

(EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

Sweet ego of Montego! Someone build a wind farm in front of her mouth! Leela, I mean this, you're the greatest creative mind since blah, blah, blah-bity blah. But it's 2:00 a.m., and you still haven't written tomorrow's episode. Well, you can't expect me to write it here with everyone talking so loudly about how great I am.

I think the owner is from Signas Five. Signoids? On our block? Fi and foo! They should go back where they came from! Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. - Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No!

At severely reduced pay, of course.

So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going?

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that--

Probably magnets.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion...

Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks.

Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk. I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound.

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

- Ain't got that. - Nope.

Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish... so we can impress the neighbors. Yes, sir. I'm on it! Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you. God! Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, stupid TV. Bender.

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What?

(DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH) At ease, darling. Honored guests and Kif,

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

And so life returned to normal, or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball... inhabited by psychotic apes. Thanks to the effect of the brain rays, the people of Earth had no memory of what had transpired, except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say.

Your souffle, madam. I shall take it here, under my fork. (EXCLAIMING SOFTLY) (ALL SHUDDERING)

As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet.

Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend. (PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N.

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name!

He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast. Hey, hey, cheer up.

New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important.

You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening?

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh.

Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow!

No need to thank me.

Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out!

There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec. (STRAINING) I still can't do it.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club.

Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do. Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started. Who are you talking to?

Yes. Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer. Don't blame yourself, Kif.

Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated--

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you.

(EXCLAIMS) (SNIFFS) Wow. Well picked. I had a nice picking last time I was here. Come on, let's take a walk. I'll show you around.

Hey, wait. This brain knows everything about everything, right? It will soon. That's why you're supposed to be setting off a bomb! Yeah, yeah. But I can't pass up a chance... to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time.

You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie!

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings. What people skills! She's completely perfect!

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

Hello, I'm Leela captain of the Planet Express delivery ship. We've come aboard to plead for your assistance. Well, if there's anything-- I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you.

And... gotcha! No-o-o! Aaah!

a child of destiny whose bizarre brain-wave pattern...

(STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING)

I am trying. I've been taking lessons. Lessons? Oh, that's rich! Isn't it time you gave up all hope of ever improving yourself in any way?

Ah! The royal bottle is empty! You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me.

(BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps. Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men."

Look at Hermes's tortoiseshell glasses. The Professor's walrus-ivory teeth. And don't forget the zebra-fur ship cozy. (ALL AGREEING) Yeah, I guess you're right. He's got a point. See, Leela, there are two sides to every shameful act. What you call the atrocity of crazed dogs tearing a helpless fox to shreds,

Bertha, no! It would kill you! I have not so much time left anyhow. But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life!

What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole.

Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8.

Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

of the mud planet Decapod 10!

Oh-oh! Nerds. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender.

With my final breath.

Amen, brother. "Amen, brother"? (SCOFFS) What a boring, predictable thing to say. You're all right. Or are you?

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right? Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work-- Stop! You're just goin' around in circles!

Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth,

We're going nearly the speed of light, so, uh, roll when you land. Ow.

Hubba-hubba. Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing! (SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey.

(READING) Ah, the Xmas season. Who wants a delicious unshelled nut? Ooh, I'll have one. It's "nut" so good.

Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this. We're saved.

Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

What the-- I fInd that offensive! Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax.

(SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it.

So the clover is still in the hiding place, maybe? Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York... helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around. Dirt doesn't need luck. I'm going down there to get my clover back.

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead Now I get it! Ow!

Ooh. Hefty. You could really bash in a skull with this thing. I know, right?

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Our network is targeting a hip new demographic, people who don't like you.

His record's been blanked. Oh, man!

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Looks like we've got a new office cutup.

Better yet, I'll whip their emotions into a frenzy by taking a dramatic... Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is,

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating.

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof... so we could have a heart-to-heart talk. I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president.

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty. Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present.

we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad. He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8."

Well, I must say, I'm impressed. You look just like a ballplayer. Can I pat you on the butt? Fry, I'm a professional athlete. So go ahead. Oh, now I'm too nervous.

But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment.

There must be people somewhere.

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No!

It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez. Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

Ick! Oh. How about this one?

Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting.

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I--

Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves.

All right, Officer. I'll move along. What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

(RUMBLING) (GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING) KATZ: Good show.

Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't.

All rise for the Honorable Judge 723. Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

How have you been? Pretty good. Working in financial services,

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two.

That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song, exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

You old lunatic! How ya been?

Manufacturing specs from each parent are then merged by a randomized algorithm, and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural. Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth.

That's my mama.

It's just as well. I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater. Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

(CHEWING) Ahh! Hmm... Invisible safe, eh? (CHUCKLING) (CRY OF SURPRISE)

Careful! That's a week old! I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away?

No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars. But wait, there's more! We've got a whole lineup of inventors tonight starting with that up-and-coming young star Ogden Wernstrom.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker.

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.

(MOOING) (BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

I'm gonna spin till I fall down! Whoo-oo-oo!

such a digestive system would divide a 2-D being into separate pieces! So how are we supposed to eat and digest? Got it.

I'd like to propose a toast to... Coat check #84. Turn it over. Oh. Edna, of all the slimy, gross crab monsters on this planet you are apparently the hottest. Oy. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

(GASPS) T.! (SOBS) (BOTH SOB)

You owe me one.

(BOTH GASPING) My boy! My beautiful boy!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

God rest her zombie bones.

Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me.

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe!

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone. You're impossible.

Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger? Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy.

So are you gonna fertilize my eggs now? Already taken care of. Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending.

I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on!

Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing.

so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

A week at the most. We want McNeal! Stop stalling! And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.

Ow! Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good.

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part.

Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment. Here we go. just a minute. Aha! And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa,

Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine. Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine! Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior! Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body.

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there.

Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot. Wonder what this doo-cracky does?

But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING) Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win.

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter!

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

So, here we are, a still-famous film comedian-- And a rich, respected doctor with many surviving patients. Eating real food in a restaurant, as we both often do. So, you want to be a comedian, is it? It's my lifelong dream.

You're not going to believe this but they landed an amusement park on the Moon. Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work.

Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these, and God himself will ask to be seated far away from you. Ooh!

Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit. I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair. That's not true.

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device.

Off you go, apparently.

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine! Lightweights!

There's nothing strange about it. He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice. (TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back.

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending.

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff. I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love. You're right.

What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance? Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital. Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops.

The beast lives for now. Thank you, Angus. You're welcome! (YAWNING) I don't trust that MacZongo. Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy.

The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us. Please, there's no time for this now.

The best he can do is Francine. (BUZZING) After beer and hot wings at a local gas station, the two enjoy intimate time behind a dumpster. It's all perfectly natural. Let's watch, aroused, as Gerald's antenna uploads a binary file to Francine's internal drive.

(SIGHS) What's the point? What good is it to talk to her in my own dream? COMMENTATOR: And that's it! Wisconsin has defeated Stanford 17-to-9 in the 2000 Rose Bowl! What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium! Whoo!

Notify his survivors. B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der!

Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency.

What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting?

Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War.

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please.

Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now. Hear my words. I believe I, the most humble member of Action Delivery Team, could do such a dance. (LAUGHS) Surely your hard shell is too rigid. I call on anyone but you to do the peace dance. (GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help.

That's a big crock of--

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell. This is Bolt Rollins. Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit.

I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love. You're right. Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts? Ah.

(TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Table Seven? (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) Now, watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coupe by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue. Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator. Kif, just trust me for once.

You, minion, lift up my arm. After him!

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

"Dear Diary, I just made love for the second time."

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad.

Hurry. The escape pods should be just ahead. Faster.

Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online. We are on line.

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours. The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best. It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass!

Can I have a turd?

Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced,

Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked. Of course.

Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago.

So, you grow hemp. Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number.

Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please.

Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One! What th--

An alibi, huh? I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move.

Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too!

Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage.

Our first award tonight: best cinematography in a non-visible spectrum. It's been two weeks. You wanna play tic-tac-toe again before we eat our shoes? No. I always knew I'd die at the bottom of a pit, but a pit full of tar?

And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa? Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place. I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year. Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly.

Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk. He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is.

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast.

Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things.

Some dumb bastard has nearly a million other dumb bastards following his every twit! Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards? Why are you so angry, Mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards!

I think I know where to get some.

Yeah. That's using the old noodle. Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil.

Holy macaroni! I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot, and he's in focus. Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment. What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto?

You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets?

Wait! I've got it! Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends.

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President.

Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral. Drag them to the ship. And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven... Zapp Brannigan!

Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender!

Yeah, life is hilariously cruel. - Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted.

Hermes, don't press that button!

It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do. So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant? We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life. You must despise us. You're my parents!

If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered? Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings.

I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey!

This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans,"

Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

What people skills! She's completely perfect!

Cut! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh!

It's 8:00, time to get busy.

(GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah?

But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm.

My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us with enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater! We have less than 72 hours. Well, let's get looting.

only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree.

I really ought to do something.

Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship? There but for the grace of God.

Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait!

Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry.

He loves bending, just like me.

Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing!

The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains.

Come on, gang. Let's go home. Wait! Let's not give up so easily. Animatronio mentioned a fountain. That's a statue of Neptune, god of water. The number of points on his trident is three, or trey. The "U" in his name is written like "V."

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop!

It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

I've got mail. Ooh! It's a party apparently. Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals. It all goes down this Saturday... on the isolated Galapagos Islands,

Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now. These conditions are deplorable. I swear, I hate every single person on the surface for making us live like this.

That's it. It's time for this bird to walk. Ow! Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar.

Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous.

Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man? No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez.

There are no robot fossils. What? Who says I didn't evolve? Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers. Then explain this! (CLINKING)

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump.

I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row! You can't go to Omega 3!

He's come to finish the job!

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon,

Whoa! Oh, what the hell.

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes.

and has a crummy job. But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister." Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

Ah, good old Bender.

And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now?

And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was.

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood?

Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station.

Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries.

Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

The winner will become the new Iron Cook. The loser is doomed to scrub. Whose confection will achieve perfection? Whose food stuff will be the good stuff? Challenger-er Bender-er!

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away. Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing.

Never bet against me being stupid.

Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun--

That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old robot leagues. Now, wireless joe jackson-- There was a blern-hitting machine. Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns. I mean, come on, wireless joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels. Oh, and I suppose pitch-o-mat 5000 - was just a modified howitzer. Yep.

Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman!

Kill all humans. Kill all humans.

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

In fact, Leela's been here before. When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment, keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs. The human exhibit has never been so popular, all thanks to your friends.

Ah... a picture of my mommy.

Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm.

FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes!

Bort. ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages. Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down.

Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

These balls are making me testy!

Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family. What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm!

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Presenting Mom's friendly robots--

(CHOIR MUSIC) (ALL EXCLAIMING) They haven't aged a day. The whale must have some kind of Mobius colon that endlessly recycles time and space.

I know the source of the greenhouse gases. But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what?

Let's pull over. I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Good night, sweet prince. Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

ANNOUNCER: Since factories can't manufacture enough robots to meet demand, robots can also reproduce by mating. Oh, now you tell me! ANNOUNCER: First, Gerald must find a female robot. The best he can do is Francine.

He's in a better place now. There, I turned a regular board into a diving board. Impending news, everyone. We're about to learn the winner of the bet. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Did you do that, you cute little-- Come on.

No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus.

Whoo! And try this, kids at home! Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy!

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender?

No, it isn't. Guys, come on out. (ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it? Yes, please. No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here? (SIGHING)

We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute.

Oh. Ah! My heart! Ho.

Planet Express Ship, is something wrong? Oh, it's Bender. He's acting so strange lately. Do you think he's gonna ask me to marry him? Uh, no.

Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper.

Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now.

I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot!

Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.

Santa Claus is gunning you down.

and has a crummy job. But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister." Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

We will not give in to the thinkers! (ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home! (BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir! As a professor of science,

Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say.

Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu.

Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent--

One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right.

Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water? - Amy! - Shoo!

Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

(WHALE SINGING) Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.

This is a monkey. Yes, definitely. Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you. I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again.

This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs.

There it is, the grand unified theory, reducing all the laws of nature to a single equation. Professor, you did it.

Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

(MOANS) (UNZIPPING) All right. I'm going to catch Travers on video at this sleazy strip club.

No! No! No! No!

Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

Welcome, swingers. Pull up a groove and get fabulous. Nude rock bands. Big piles of what I assume is talcum powder. It's quite a birthday party, Calculon. Cool. I'm gonna have a fabulacious birthday party just like Calculon! Oh, yeah. Well, I'm gonna show up looking good, just like Monique.

Oh, yeah. Drop another barnyard bomb on us, Vanilla Corn. Yo, fool, it's Mixmaster Festus.

No more hanging wires!

Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location? I may have a burgling familiarity with it. Does the word "Maltese" mean anything to you? The Maltese Liquor, the strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed! And soon it will be mine.

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology!

This is the end of all things.

Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete.

You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect!

Of course I do.

I'm literally angry with rage!

As the Iowa caucus approaches,

Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection.

Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

She's diving into the fourth dimension. We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No!

Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo. Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln. I was born in two hundred log cabins.

Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

(APPLAUSE) Thank you. (STRUMS GUITAR) Silicon Red, everyone. (SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece,

Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone.

- Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS) All right, how we feeling? Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer. (SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers?

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

but I get to vote, same as anyone. And I'm voting against the cat hater! Isn't that right, kitty? Hey! You ate my change! Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy!

What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done.

How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them. Oh! Let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood!

Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium. This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

Geez, I forgot my Pope manners.

What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file,

Yeah, well... whuh? I don't want to be an inventor. I want to be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science fiction cartoon writer. But-But what about my hopes and my dreams and my wonderful inventions? In your entire life, your only half-decent invention was me,

Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038. Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil. Bender, lift it up to the can opener.

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella,

Good riddance. What about my service?

No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment. Any word from Leela?

Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries.

As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it. Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't.

Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry? Is this him?

Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?

My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh!

- No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

- What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us!

The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded.

(GRUNTING) It's not a duffel bag. It's my apartment! (GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg.

Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer.

Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no! For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING)

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins.

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola. The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey.

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know.

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more: Well, Leela, care to give the what-if machine a whirl? Maybe later.

I guess some grown men just don't like being carried. Thank you, Bender. You brought me right to the lava pit. (LAUGHS) And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff.

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing!

One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich!

You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool. Ow! Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender.

Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl!

Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen!

(DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder!

Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this. We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now.

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is.

Where's me consort at?

I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy.

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there.

Who's your friend, Leela? He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky. It's ocean madness, all right.

I'm gonna drop a barf.

Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one. COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

You are in way over your head.

We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks.

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump.

I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp.

Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas.

Indeed so. At this rate, by Tuesday it will be Thursday. By Wednesday, it will be August. And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it. I'll have to ask you to clear out now. The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big--

Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.

There it is, the grand unified theory, reducing all the laws of nature to a single equation. Professor, you did it. You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor. I like physics, but I love cartoons.

Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole. Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you...

Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we--

(SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey? Leela, I knew I could never make it up to you,

But you still have them, right? Oh, yes, but I keep them inside until I can write them in my diary. Ah. It's a wonderful night. It sure is. I could just lie here beside you... staring at the sky all night. I can't. Ooh!

Two. One! Blast off!

And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins.

So I ask you who will stand up and be saved? Who? Who?! Me.

Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley? 'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it.

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. When I grow up, I want to be a diplomat!

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer. Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible."

That's the last of them. All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit. joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh?

He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan

Freeze, bagwad.

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful.

That's my clover! Yancy stole it! After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah?

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon.

Apparently so. Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Dear Liza. FARNSWORTH: The snail itself is composed of cells, molecules, atoms. (SCOFFS) Those things don't rhyme. Things only rhyme below ten to the minus five angstroms, you dope.

Life, death-- Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle.

A dollar a dozen.

(SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog.

Hey, buddy, I'm from the same time as you. - Remember that song, "Safety Dance"? - Sure do. We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-- You know, that dance wasn't as safe as they said it was.

Like this raccoon.

Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

(PANICKED CLAMORING)

Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES) Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No. Well, okay then.

To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Well, we're boned. No, we're not! We just got to limbo. But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music. (BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it!

Hey, look. The players who broke the various color barriers. When will man learn that all races... are equally inferior to robots?

Back in the 20th century I had all five of your albums. That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven. Cool. Can I borrow the new ones? And a couple of blank tapes? Hey, Bender, why don't we ditch these organ sacks and hit the real party? Count me in. I'm going to drink till I reboot.

(GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing! It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you. Yeah!

Would you like some human with your salt?

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going?

- Uh-oh. - Sorry.

We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out!

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry. Tell us a story, Daddy Bender!

This pie at this diner is the best pie. (ALL CHEERING) LINDA: Chris Travers wins the South California primary handily, thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances. MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books,

I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night! Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives?

Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever.

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow!

Good question. No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

(CATS MEOWING) (STATIC CRACKLING)

Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn! All right! Yes!

Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets--

Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh? Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great.

ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

But for me, 'tis an opportunity to prove anew that I am the greatest actor who ever trod the boards! Yay! All right! Or I circled jobs in the classifieds you might be good at. Assembling machinery pays well. I'll have to start at the bottom. But Fox already said no. I mean live theater!

At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor. Whoo! That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Powering up Clone-O-Mat.

No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this?

Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care.

And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

(EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

Destroy all aliens.

Wangle a new dangle on life

the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide.

I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea.

We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was!

And here we go! I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

Because they're magic! They fell from the sky! Oh, now you tell me! I did it! I got a great deal on the ship! Hooray! I knew you wouldn't let us down in any way. Well, how much did you get?

Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay.

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Once again, today's winning lotto number was four. In other news, alien saucers continued to rain destruction upon Earth. We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal.

And now for the presentation of the award. Listen, folks I'm practically giving this prize away to Dr. Wernstrom for his fish thingy.

Realize it? I don't even understand it. It means you'll never be able to return to the surface. I don't care. I'm staying. I've got everything I want right here. I'm bored! Let's go. You know, Fry I've got a little place just outside town. You could come visit, maybe?

Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

Unless you posted it on Facebook, like the last secret I told you. I didn't know that was a secret. Lots of people wear a jockstrap thinking it's a thong. (SQUELCHING) What was that? (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING)

I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear. No! Fry can't know anything about the mission. If he finds out, the worms will try to defend themselves. They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to.

Yes, damn it! Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities? Let's just say a little bird told me. Leela told her parents. Leela's parents blabbed.

Amazing! You multicultural punks just race and tinker all day long? And we rap about our problems. Like, my aunt's neighbor is a hoarder. Stack of magazines fell on her cat. It's hard, you know? Yo, you're not alone.

Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F.

Leela, we need to talk. You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News. Fear not the space behemoth.

Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile. How ultra? Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes.

Whoo! Yeah! Whoa!

It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold." Why with the long faces? The idiots have the box! I think she means you.

(WHISPERING) Keep going. (SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad!

Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING)

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Nah. Now, that I like for some reason. (SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey.

Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor.

Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun. Geez, with these... (ALL EXCLAIMING)

(GASPS) You mean, you don't remember?

(FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry. (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping! - Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot,

One diet double martini, please. And for you, sir? I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple." Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over! Half over? Oh! I'd give anything to hear the rest. Anything?

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed. (SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant.

And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

Ready for processing! What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

Wow. Until now, I thought giant cubes were exciting. (PEOPLE SCREAMING) (MAN SHOUTS) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available.

only the echoes of my mind people stop and stare I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes

Hmm. Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass? No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect!

This is the Holo-Shed. It can simulate anything you desire, and nothing can hurt you, except when it malfunctions and the holograms become real. Well, that probably won't happen this time.

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

There. We can make these into spears. And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows. And we can use this machine gun to shoot them!

(ROBOTS SCREAMING)

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest,

Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling? Leela's garbled words have opened my eyes. Okay, that's a start.

Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender.

Dirt doesn't need luck.

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

Thank you. I made them myself.

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Well, we are made of virtually identical components.

Wait. Let me finish.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me.

Hey, it's Leela.

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved. He's in a better place now. There, I turned a regular board into a diving board. Impending news, everyone. We're about to learn the winner of the bet.

At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around. Come on, wife.

Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box. (ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series.

Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life. What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big.

Call me a booger blaster. I'll blast a booger so hard that-- Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney. You've changed, Fry.

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

You evil, metal dog Aaah!

We've come a long way, baby. The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains.

But I wasn't injured. Ow! (SCREAMS) Well, enough governing. It's Saturday morning, damn it. Let's watch some cartoons. (GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived. And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew. But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company...

Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then.

So If we want to win those jam Master jay autographed parachute pants, our crew has to pop, lock and bust the freshest. Noticeably F.A.T., drop us a beat. Name? Cosmic F. Style?

Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their... Is he objecting or backing up?

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids.

I'll call Orson Welles. Dork calling Orson! Dork calling Orson! You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile?

The womenfolk can cook what we catch. No one put you in charge, Husband. I'm the only one here who ever ran a society. Roller Derby is not a society. Well, let's put it to a vote, then. All in favor of the Jamocha Thunderclap? That would be me.

And here's Dean Farnsworth, developer of the Farnsworth Test for Colorblindness. Where is he, blast it? And just recently, I learned of a modern-day Farnsworth who invented the Anti-Senility Truss. That's you, Professor. Wha...

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?!

Oh, it's so romantic. It gives me the shivers.

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string. That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender.

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

Psst, there I am. Hey, Betty Friedan, send a little of that lotion my way. Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic.

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS)

Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS) I found it! I don't understand. There's no Earth certificate in here. TRAVERS: No, there isn't.

Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks. I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh. Bender! Are you looking at other women?

It's clovering time.

Gedgie out. We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING) (COUGHING) And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever

Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING) (BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage!

What orphans? The kids were all adopted. They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy. Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job,

How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

I don't like you.

Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair. There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma!

farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

(GLASS SHATTERS)

Please welcome our new Chief Executive Officer, That Guy! Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug?

(CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

There's a way off this planet.

You, and only you, can return there. Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan...

As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this!

By the way, my name's Bender.

Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood. Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown!

But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say? Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say? It wasn't by themselves. I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it! Hey, look. Now they got bigger. FARNSWORTH: Good heavens! Trilobots!

Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey.

To have parents. Whatever. The correct answer is to be a superhero. We have superpowers, and we're Americans. This is our chance. Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this.

Nibblonian fleet holding at perimeter of Moron Zone, formerly known as Earth.

There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there.

- So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance!

I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

(WHISPERING) It's me, Calculon.

I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real? My broken friend is closer to me Than an ass to a chair Hmm.

Come on, Amy. Pick a male human already. I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interested in any of these gross, ugly losers! What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? Fry! What you doing here?

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8! Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.

Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions.

Hey. What smells like blue?

Who wants a fish? Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine. Still, to have your own pool.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Move it, you ugly normals! Whoa! Huh? I'm getting dizzy. I can't walk straight.

Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay! Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go.

North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land. But we came by sea, we did.

The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe.

Welcome to Plan Am flight one to Acapulsar. The local time on Acapulsar is five years from now.

but we, like, totally dissed Moose! Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose. But in the meantime, I have good news!

(SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that,

But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops. Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

"Anyhoo," your net suits will let you experience... Fry's worm-infested bowels... as if you were actually wriggling through them. There's no part of that sentence I didn't like.

Let my people stay! Neat.

My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real?

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs. And now, to present the award for best actor, a bit player... in the flop movie, The Magnificent Three, Dr. Zoidberg!

The Brain Spawn suppress intelligence by attacking the delta brain wave. Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants.

developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING)

(GASPS) Fry? What are you doing?

someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Three, two, one.

they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm?

The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew.

Kid, that was great. You got us more publicity than a cowboy in a shark tank. Poor Tex. He was quite a shark. Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win.

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING) So, he didn't really want to marry me?

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other? Guenter is my experiment. He was the top-secret contents of this stinking crate.

Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill.

Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me

The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later. It's time to activate the bomb.

Darn it! I'll be right back.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie.

Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.

Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too.

Shut up, Zoidberg. Okay.

Double time, soldier.

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point? I've never been able to put into words how I feel about you. But somewhere among these trillions of hearts,

Cheese it! Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie.

With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five

Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location?

Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body. Uh, never mind.

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more.

Yes, it's true. I ran over that bird-watching jerk and a hundred others even my best friend from aromatherapy school. I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me.

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this.

I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk. I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous.

Hail Atlanta! "The Magician"? Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful.

Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here?

No! No! Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Also life. With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming.

Product inspectors are bureaucrats, faceless bean-counters who blend into the woodwork. I beg to differ. Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them! Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat. Hermes, old pal.

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right.

...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on.

Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow!

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro.

You want me to do two things?

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve. It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

Transmission over.

What about Fry? (SNORING) Isn't he your distant uncle? Very distant. Not a true Farnsworth, mind you. He's way over here on this filthy branch riddled with fungus and dung beetles. (GASPS) What's with the 17 dung beetles?

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Give it to him again, Andrew!

Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and, not surprisingly, she loves me. This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for.

Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys!

Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender.

And so, ladies and gentlemen I'm throwing my head into the ring. I'm announcing my candidacy for the presidency of Earth.

Greetings, Earth morsels.

I'm great! Everybody else sucks! Except that guy Bender. He's really something. Whoo!

one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy.

First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date.

(ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

Will you come on? (TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

Oh, my God. What the...?

You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Quiet, robots! They're showing Calculon's star on the Walk of Fame! Ah, yes. I'll always have that. Calculon was truly the has-been's has-been. And so I am proud to tear up his star and replace it with a second star for the fabulous Robert Wagner.

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure.

KATZ: And Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell. MALE VOICE: The cow says... (MOOING) He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since.

Give this to my son. You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots.

You suck! Get a job! I'll miss you, Leela.

How do you plead? Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on the grounds that I'm also having a hot, naked affair with the foreman of this jury. I'll see you during the recess.

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink?

Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

We call that person the "Smizmarr," and my Smizmarr is Amy. So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something? Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant. That's okay.

You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart.

Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives. Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano.

I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

(OWL HOOTING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go! (IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry!

Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here. Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My."

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING)

We did it! We're the right ages again!

Oh, geez. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

Where are we delivering it to? Uh... here. Another job well done. Now back to the office for an enjoyable evening of fasting and repentance. Whoa, whoa. Wait, Bender. As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea.

Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is...

Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over! Sure. I just wish I could be more helpful. Would you like some dirt on any other orphans? Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later. Can you translate it? Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with--

Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer. Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open.

Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No. Deal with it.

In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman. Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn--

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump. Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm.

I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

I shall rip out your heart and show it to you. (BEEPS) It is done. The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

Bender, you can't crash a mob wedding. You forget, Leela. I'm Bender, owner of disguise. And now, ladies and gentlemen, my good friend, Calculon. (BAND PLAYING) Hey, this one's for the new couple. It's your day. It's all about you.

Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something.

Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up. You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead.

Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Don't be scared, Bender. We're putting you in the Witness Relocation Program. You'll be given a new identity, a new place to live, and this iPod. I don't want it anymore. So I gotta hide forever? No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you. They're pretty good at that.

What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here. Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo.

Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home.

Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong.

Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested. Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler. - Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender.

This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

This half date is entirely over.

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free. Get me the president.

It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air.

Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

(YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal!

Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start.

If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that. So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy.

I tell ya, that Butch runs a pretty good civilization. I think I'll enjoy serving under him. Uh! You know your problem, Fry? You're not ambitious. You should be chief. What do I need? Ulcers? But I want power. I'm tired of the chief's girlfriend lording it over me with her fancy coyote hide.

If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious.

A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash Then let me get right to the point I don't boil my pot for every Crab I see Hey, rich lobster

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops!

that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe. So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit!

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out?

Uh, while you're at it could you touch up this seam? This is unbelievable.

One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone.

Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you?

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me? Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten! Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks.

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Oh! Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting.

Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain.

Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks. Hey.

Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself.

Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared. Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us.

Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

(UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS)

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working!

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

And I'm just the guy for the job. (LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGHING) (BOTH HOWLING)

just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit! There's no backup copy of me? That's what I just said, you mortal coil. So, if I die... You die. Or as you put it... (RASPS) Excuse me for a moment.

Hey, there's our little mascot.

Elves are back.

Great. You are not going to regret this.

The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura.

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke?

Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh!

Wait a second. There's no Earth certificate, but it does say your mother was admitted to the maternity ward. This morning! (GASPS) (SIGHS) I should have known the truth would come out sooner or later. The fact is, I really was born on Earth tomorrow. You see, I'm not from another planet.

It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda. You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering. Donbot? Motion denied. Prosecutor, call your first witness. The People call our star witness, Mr. X,

Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa, we got to secure for Santa's arrival. just as well. I'm getting tired of this wood show.

Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters.

Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

There is only one way to resolve this conflict. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores!

What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me?

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen.

What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that?

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING) (BABY CRYING)

English - US - Line 21

Well, looks like it's my shift. You lie down and go off-line for a while. All right. Caught you! I saw you looking at the atom.

In the event there are two killers, police are offering an unusual deal... Total immunity for the one who turns in the other, plus a double reward of $2 million.

(WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid, too? (WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING) (MUFFLED YELLING)

Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

(HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

Either way works, right?

'cause that is how you're gonna die. (CHILDREN CHEERING)

Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What? Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

Then how 'bout this little number? Purebred human. - No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh-- If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love."

I'm not giving my name to a machine!

What are you, an ass-kissing machine?

That's her, Officers. That's the woman who programmed me for evil. Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers.

he would testify that my clients acted without malice. No, he wouldn't. Bender doesn't care about us anymore. (ALL GASP) Someone used to care about me? Hooray! In that case, the jury will begin its deliberations. Bailiff, release the jury collies.

Ah! You muddled the mint well, Alejandro. The lighthouse! Dead ahead! Aye!

I could take him or leave him.

More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed.

We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal.

Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away.

Fry must die so that Bont may live. What am I going to do? We've got to get the emperor out of your body before they kill you. Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness.

And this Presidents' Day, we honoreth those values that my body fought and died for. Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger. Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away. Hey, let's go car shopping.

My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP)

So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast. Hey, that's my cell phone.

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing. You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something.

We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry!

Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course!

(EXCLAIMS) (ALL YELLING) Don't worry, Mother, we'll save... (CHOKING) (GLASS SHATTERS)

We'll have to bring her around again.

Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

Huh? It's Benderin' time.

they cause these dents, or "time skips." You are so smart.

No, stop it! That's the last of them. All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit. joey, burn down the ship.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

(LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast.

Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission!

Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal,

I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers? (SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there!

I'm starting over.

Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class. Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch? So he just showed up unannounced, raided the liquor cabinet, sprayed urine on the ceiling and passed out?

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five. And now for the finishing touch.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here,

Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks.

Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah. Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg!

Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

I saw you looking at the atom. So? I look at lots of atoms.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box.

Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one!

Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die. Hmm. Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals...

And that ain't silicon.

I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art. (CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY)

I said no such thing. And then I died! (GROANING)

I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta!

You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food. Right, Boxy?

I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun!

I'm leaving you.

We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about?

We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Ahh. Silence, you cur! Puff out that brisket. I should be weeping! I'm not weeping!

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds-- The Gender Bender! Boo!

Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos. (SOFT JINGLE PLAYING) Is that it?

I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine.

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine!

Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

(SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

Fry did it! Did what? Just practicing for later. Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor.

(NIXON EXCLAIMS)

Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar,

Hey, what are you doing? I'm gettin' on the bus! Don't worry. I'll be fine.

It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us.

With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o! (LAUGHS) Well, I guess a fellow's got to talk big when he's sporting a little shrivelled up antenna like that. What? (SPUTTERING) For your information, "Madam," it's a grower, not a shower!

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he...

Ooh! What's that funky jazz?

This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know.

Now, look, missy, if you don't turn around right now, I'm gonna have to shut down your brain. Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela. Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all.

Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion. I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny. Look, are you the original were-car or not?

I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha! No-o-o! Aaah!

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door!

Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Whoo!

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film.

It's okay, Amy. I don't have a fancy degree either, but today I'm a prominent boy in the package delivery field.

He attended a law school so prestigious the basketball team was coached by Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I put him through law school by working as a dog walker for antisocial dogs. Sorry. But soon after Charles graduated our marriage ran into difficulties.

Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness? Both. Whoa! I still don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I love you.

Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks,

Hallelujah, baby. Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna...

It better not be those little Korean girls again.

I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so...

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know. I got nervous, and I started thinking about neck bolts. Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like-- What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms. What? Why would you do that?

(STRAINING) I still can't do it. Well, what do you know? I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

See you in a thousand years.

That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep.

I'd like to cross-examine the witness. I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not? Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone?

Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa!

I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you.

But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple. (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles!

Fortunately, I still have our old career chips. Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened?

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho!

(ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

And that's how we learned our lesson.

(MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk? Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood.

You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah.

Uh, listen. I just want you all to know, your Leela's one standard lady. Oh, Adlai! Stop. What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage,

(ROARING) (SCREAMING)

Will you guys shut up? I'm trying to look cool. ...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going? Ow! Enjoying the show? Ooh! Ow! Don't forget to pick up a T-shirt.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius.

Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible!

And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Aw! Did you miss me, pookie? Ow! Oh! I can't watch. I better take some pictures. Wait a minute. When living creatures look at Cobb's photo, their life force gets sucked out. And Cobb's a living creature. I just need to show him a picture of himself.

Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss. Hug. Handshake. I'll text you.

I surrender and volunteer for treason. Emergency summons from the president, Captain. Oh, it's you. Just let me freshen up. Computer, Captain's musk. (SIGHS)

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out. I don't know which I'm more-- enraged or disgusted. I'm just out there making us ladies look good. Snuh-uh. You're making us look like jerks in front of the other genders!

Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam!

Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute.

Greetings, masters! My companion and I made lots of toys. Out of my way, shrimpo. We're here to bring Santa back so we can prove Bender's innocence.

Nothing. His free will slot is empty. I'm 40% empty. (KNOCKING) Also, what the hell is a free will slot?

(WHIRRING) (BELL DINGS) Like, it's basketball superstar Larry Bird! Larry Bird, what are you doing here? (TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way.

Not if I have anything to do with it. Oh, God! But today's honoree, Turanga Leela, has really made something of herself. I'll never forget the night that cute little alien baby was abandoned on our doorstep. Because I have a photographic memory, and I remember every night.

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky! This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started.

Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time. Oh, crud. He ate my suit.

In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device.

So long, Your Majesty.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) (CHUCKLING) Don't worry. The Futurama crew will be back next year with all new episodes featuring Bender, Leela and me, Al Gore, as Captain Lance Starman.

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God!

Shmeezus, it's hot! Why'd I have to invent that awful device? (CRYING) (HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil.

Sweet zombie jesus! It's huge! It's coming up! Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass!

It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed.

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades.

Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated. In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later. That is completely reckless. Don't you ever think ahead?

Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years.

I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers.

I wouldn't want to be me right now. Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here.

It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant. Ah! You're right! And I, as a renowned ear, nose, and blowhole doctor, could do the operation! Are you nuts? If she could smell, she'd smell you!

Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy!

Come on, let's go take over this casino. LEO: Fore! Mr. Wong, we have a Mafia proposal for you. Your casino, give it to us. Okay, fine, I just retire to my fabulous mansion.

You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions.

I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop.

Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage,

More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados. Yes, and I'll be going back there with a gold medal... draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders. Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met,

just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you.

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo! So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing?

There were no survivors. Takes all kinds. And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle?

Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up. Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

It's not fair. It's not fair!

The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon.

but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

Oh? There he is! Take it off! W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions! ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants.

It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon (WOMAN SQUEALING) Hey. Oh. Piscopo. This guy. (GASPS)

(BENDER WHOOPING) We did it! Twelve straight hours of limbo. I haven't done that since my honeymoon. Hermes, Hermes, remember that flock of bats? I sure do. That was fun. BENDER: Where are we? I have no idea.

One, two! one, two, three!

Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was--

Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now?

Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco.

Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right. FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez.

Now that's a tree worth chopping down. Indeed, 'tis a lovely tree. 'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer.

I need a babysitter. Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't! There.

Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god!

And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing.

English, please? A fight to the death.

Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake.

(2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING)

Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

but I see it was the "dork-bell."

Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field. Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy."

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located...

Well, is that your universe in there?

I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No!

It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow? Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words.

Hey, let me try it. Whoa, that gives me a headache. Hey, Bender. Here's an exhibit about Mom's favorite robot. Who is he?! I'll kill him! Who's my favorite robot?

Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat.

She's out of control! You win again, gravity. Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already.

Schedule conflict.

My God! It's the Pantheon!

How can I ever repay you?

It's time to set aside our differences. Black stripe, yellow stripe. At the end of the day, we're just a couple of darn talking space bees. Hey, forget about it. Come here and give me a sting. Look. The spirit of Kwanzaa is killing the parasites.

Stop! We'll leave. But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead

Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh. All right! Yeah! Whoo!

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL,

That's it! Happy birthday!

but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out.

We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Some do. It all makes sense.

Bender, quick! Waggle something! Uh--

Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter. Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story!

Amy, no! It's too windy! Stay calm, dearest. I'll save you! Kif! You're flying Betsy!

Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem.

Core magnetic field, 31 microteslas. Nice. Temperature? Whoa! The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! (EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data. Could you dump that somewhere else?

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them.

Hello there. Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue.

Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels! Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that?

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot. Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time!

I'll kill you, my friend!

Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say.

It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray. It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape.

Baconated grapefruit?

Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd. Yes, it's clear what I must do.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me. How much do you want?

Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.

I've already decided. Dad... when I grow up, I want to be just like you. Oh, don't worry, son. You will. Incidentally, you might want to read up on a condition known as wandering bladder. Why? No reason.

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them. Oh! Let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood! Sweden? I don't think so!

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Let's go get drunk.

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

That's the last of them. All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit. joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik. Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent.

Good news, everyone. We have a mission to further the noble cause of intergalactic peace. Nope. Watching cartoons. Sorry.

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'...

I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do.

Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help. The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery! I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS)

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

and emits pure oxygen with a fresh pine scent.

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms. I'm dying. (WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me. This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend.

Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea. Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this!

Stop! It's driving me sane! Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood. Nah, I like my victims to know who did it.

(GASPS) You mean, you don't remember? Nope. Nothing. It's like when I passed out in college, except no one drew Magic Marker penises on my forehead. Well, (SIGHS) I suppose it's for the best, considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago.

Cool. I'm gonna have a fabulacious birthday party just like Calculon! Oh, yeah. Well, I'm gonna show up looking good, just like Monique. Do you two have to imitate everything you see on TV? Um, we're 12, so, yes. Hold up, Cubert. You're a clone of the professor. Do clones even have birthdays?

and no question, Leela, the first woman ever to reach the majors, will go down as the single worst player in the history of blernsball.

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

Say, "Bender is great." ALL: Bender is great! BENDER: Neat.

Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is... What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?! You all know the rules.

That's why she had me hooked up in her lab. Oh! Well, congratulations. You look great. But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy, that doesn't make it right. We have no idea what the long-term effects will be.

I hope this is the control stick. (METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control.

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me!

Yup. It's December 31, 2999.

The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever. Stay strong, Fry. You're the best friend I have left. And I barely even know you. Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors,

Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there! And not clown fundamentals!

Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up.

It's not starting.

I just don't know how we'll get by.

Aw, aren't you a fuzzy wittle guy. Stop that! Uh, please, Your Mightiness. "Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs.

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their...

Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender.

I beg to differ!

Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend. We can't just dump him in the gutter like Grandma's ashes. Oh! My life is over. I'll never know happiness again.

To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue. (GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you." The final solar flare is going to bypass Earth and strike Mars.

We deserve another chance. Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth. Sorry, Og.

You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America. Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair!

Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are.

Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You

(CHEERING) Thank God most of our fans are huge perverts.

Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball!

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you?

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won.

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed.

I found the board! Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision. Granted, all that makes perfect sense. But why is this death sphere destroying planets?

Hermes, is this one of your zany practical jokes?

But we can use those very gases to save the planet. If you all vent your exhaust directly upward in one burst, it should thrust the Earth further from the sun, thus cooling it. Oh!

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

I'll turn you into a tepid rod. Oh! What the heck? A hot rod! (WHIRRING) (EXCLAIMS) Ah! Time for the mornings meltsdowns.

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea.

Pretend you're happy.

Pretend you're happy. Oh, my God! What in Babylon?

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise!

Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

For you, my friend? Anything. My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Its anus looks like an asterisk.

till you're back beside me till I'm holding you till I hear you sigh - here in my arms ow!

With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five I don't feel well It's up to us to rescue him Maybe he likes it here in hell it's us who tempted him to sin Maybe he's back at the motel Come on, Fry, don't be scared

We couldn't let you end up like your older brother. That's why we kept you on the farm, and helped you get your online doctorate in Rodeo Studies. (STUTTERING) Rodeo Studies? We did it out of love for you, Floyd. Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert!

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube.

In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife.

He's a unique and beautiful object.

I can't wait that long. I've got ADD. This is so unfair.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Good night, sweet prince. Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me. Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab.

Remember: Rover gets the pill and Pepper gets the suppository. Next!

- Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome! Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes. How may I direct your call? What's that? You haven't gotten your paper? In how long?

Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone. Shouldn't you be steering between the comets? And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo.

Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies? (DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot!

The Cavern on the Green.

Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged!

We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point. What we need is an old-fashioned pine tree. Cram it, Virginia. Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years.

(GROWLING SOFTLY)

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS)

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong.

Oh, and have the boy lay out my formal shorts. The boy, sir? You. You lay out my formal shorts.

Oh, what a McGovern I've been! Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson.

There he is! No. No, wait. No. How long have you been at it? 700 years.

Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate.

Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human!

I've taught the toaster to feel love. And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo.

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage. There he is. Seize him. Who said that?

our new Pharaoh... Bender! Citizens of me!

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God!

Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them?

Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out.

The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century.

Let's go already!

Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you.

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?!

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach!

No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories.

Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage.

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one.

Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it!

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea. Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Looks like we've got a new office cutup.

I call it the Franklinator. The apprentice's suite is empty! He's gone! Wait. What's that glistening in the chamber pot? Let's find out! Bender, do you know what a chamber pot is?

(ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't.

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites. Good night, employees. Good night. Good night, Hubert.

(ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine,

and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime. "Download a celebrity from the Internet." What part of that do I understand? It's simple.

(GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive.

Dateline: Paramecium Homeworld. Newly crowned Miss Universe, Gladys lennox entertains troops fighting to wipe out the human race. Go get 'em, boys! And in the world of ultimate robot fighting,

I don't know which I like more smashing cars or smashing faces. Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight. Now, come on, we got church tomorrow.

Thank you very much. - Like many of you, I never knew my parents. - Give me a-- I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up. It's crooked!

They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer! I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster!

In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

And the winner is... Bender! Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life!

Hello, peasants.

And, in this corner, from and made of parts unknown, The Clear-Cutter. Bender rules! I got you an official Bender hat.

It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance? Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?

Ow! Hey, watch it! Man, these guys rock harder than ever. Oh, my

CALCULON: Oh. Hello, Dave. What's that, old friend? My life story?

(SHIVERING) It's too cold, Dad. My teen region is freezing off. (SCOFFS) You don't know what cold is. I once survived an entire week trapped in a Swiss glacier, eating nothing but frozen Neanderthal. To this day, I can't stand the taste of early hominid. (GROANS) Let's just get inside the shack.

to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime. "Download a celebrity from the Internet." What part of that do I understand?

Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us. Stupid monkey.

I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancÉ... all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

I shall rip out your heart and show it to you. (BEEPS) It is done. The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

- (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING) (GROWLING)

Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth. Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot.

Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me. I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding. Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

(ZAPP YODELING)

Tuesday, Golden Gate Park-- The monsters of vaguely folkish alterna-rock... will strum your brains out at Bend-Aid, Bend-Aid! Featuring Beck, Wailing Fungus... and special guest Bender! A portion of the proceeds might go to help broken robots.

Great cow of Moscow!

Is desire to mate a feeling?

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin!

The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thoraxed... Don't be applying your Eurocentric standards of beauty to me, fool. What's with the kamikaz-bees? Man, my hive's been going buck-wild since these blood-ganking butt crabs moved in.

Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

"My God, he's dead." "I will now make my closing statement. "With my fiancÉ deceased "I hereby return "to my single female lawyer career no matter what any man says." "We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky."

Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places! The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again!

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela. A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on! Pardon me.

My mom may have abandoned me, but I have the greatest dad in the whole universe. He's patient, he's not afraid to show his emotions... Don't look at me! ...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy.

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great.

Hey, according to the Scab Handbook, that's extremely inappropriate banter. And that's just the way I like it. Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new.

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon?

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin.

and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though. Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted.

What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease.

Phew! That was close. And so, on the basis of one great performance that almost no one saw, I'm proud to dedicate Calculon's posthumous star on the Walk of Fame!

What the shmell happened? A mass extinction. That solar flare created a huge electromagnetic pulse that, while harmless to organic life,

My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes.

Also, I got this goin'.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

(ALL SCREAMING)

These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins.

(HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward?

You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York. That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins-- Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport.

Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington. Let's review. Who was our first president? Um-- A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson?

Aaah! Oh! Careful with that doomsday device, Bender.

Oh, boy. Yes! Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him.

If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys.

Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less. Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better. The men win that round. In your face, decumbent urinators. (ALL ARGUING)

I know she'll come. I know it. I really thought she was gonna come.

You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

It's impossible! Nothing is impossible.

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend... Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express.

BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING)

Ooh. Nice. Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle. I put a tiny spaceship inside to keep it from being boring. Oh! Get! For the last time, Zoidberg,

Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

Be you robot or human? Robot... we be. Uh, yep. just two robots out roboting it up. Eh? Administer the test.

Quick, run out the back! I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

Gaze upon this photo of yourself and start squirting out some soul-arrhea. It doesn't work that way, you imbecile. Although it's really quite a nice portrait. The contrast is exquisite. And the composition sublime. I look spectacular.

reproduction. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! ANNOUNCER: Since factories can't manufacture enough robots to meet demand, robots can also reproduce by mating. Oh, now you tell me! ANNOUNCER: First, Gerald must find a female robot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever.

Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it!

(BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth. (ALL GASPING) Aw... He's got his own eyes. Well, who'd have thunk it? He was born all right, just like he said.

Hermes, old pal. Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago, you said you hated me. Time heals all wounds. You know what? I will help you, but only to prove I'm not just a paper-pushing file jockey. Will you be taking your portable filing cabinet? None of your beeswax.

Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger! Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers!

(TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way. (TAPE BEEPS) (RECORDER CLICKS) Nice to meet you, Larry Bird.

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

(LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes.

- (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Hermes, don't press that button!

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS)

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING)

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows!

Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me. Won't you join us, Mr. Blob? Sounds like a plan. This is what makes life worth clinging to. Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons.

I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

All right, environment. You've met your match.

Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank. Anyway, Planet Express is still facing foreclosure. There's no way we can raise enough money to save this company. Wait. What about the girlie calendar? Well, that won't work, remember?

Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending.

You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal!

And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal,

Oh, yeah, baby, gonna do-dah-dah! Do-do, Do-do-do-do. C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean? Which ocean? That ocean? Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it.

It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm.

it's because I bought it at that same auction. Indeed so. Most indeededly. Careful with that, you fool! No! No! But possibly yes.

Also, mine has air conditioning.

This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

So what brings you folks here to Doohan 6? We just released an endangered animal back into the wild, a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS) No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all. Dear God, you brought back the bone vampire?

(WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack.

All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

The law is clear. Fry and Zoidberg shall fight to the death for the claw of the beautiful Edna!

Zoidberg? Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life.

Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed.

My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries.

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

Hey! What? A bill? You're charging us after you blinded me? Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity. $1,200? Holy zombie jesus!

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet?

Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish.

Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty?

This is the universal translator. Whatever. Now, Admiral, in exchange for your promise not to attack us, we will grant you exclusive fishing rights in Supernova Scotia.

To my friend, Bender. A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer.

Shh! Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

Hey, look at Nibbler! Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented. You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know.

Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's--

Bertha, no! It would kill you! I have not so much time left anyhow. But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life!

I'll keep the chopper at a safe altitude while you parachute down. Okay. My best friend's life is at stake. I can finally prove that I'm not a coward. Will you push me? I already did. Thank you!

Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody!

Yeah, the game of old maid. (LAUGHS) Excuse me, sir, are those yours? You're damn right, and before you ask, this is mine, too. (BARKING) Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced? No. Technically, we were Fon-Fon-Rus, so we weren't really married.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Hey, that's a good idea. Sure.

Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

Ah, now I can see what I'm doing. Commence the operation! Terminate the operation. LaBarbara? Dwight? I just got an urgent text from little Hermes. You can't do this thing. You don't even know whose brain that is. It doesn't matter.

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby. And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife.

And... action! "Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

I guess I'll have to eat this raw, dripping ham by myself. Nibbler? Nibbler, you're scaring me.

This really is lovely, Fry. Thank you. Uh-huh. Don't pay me no mind. (GROANS) Scruffy, could we please have a little privacy here?

What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you.

My doctorate is in art history. Let's see what's under The Last Supper. Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking!

I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill. I hope he'll be okay in there with all those big animals.

Oy. All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before I die. What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now.

Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy...

I can barely move. It's perfect!

We just got one of these. Rejected!

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back!

Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging. Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor. Has anyone seen Bender?

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

Missed it by that much.

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy?

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside.

Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

No, I don't see how... Wait, don't see. That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right. We'll use your invisibility to pull off a daring and complex casino heist.

Those bastards won't know what leafed through them.

there's a slim chance it might have survived. So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby! Then I'm going in after him! No! He'd come after me!

What's your plan? What plan?

Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch!

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer. Ew, gross! Cut it out! Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack! Impossible! We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove! It appears we are in the presence of the fabled one.

Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com.

- Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner?

you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser. Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back!

Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a nice, unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

I'm just like--

Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here. Hands up! This is a stickup again!

If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business. My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order.

Aw, yeah, that's it. Little lower.

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

Dad... when I grow up, I want to be just like you. Oh, don't worry, son. You will. Incidentally, you might want to read up on a condition known as wandering bladder. Why? No reason. No reason at all.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom. You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots.

(EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

What do you stupid voters want now?

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe.

It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Great banda of Uganda! We can vote against it! I'll vote it down like a raise for schoolteachers! What the--

I was referring to Adam and Eve. We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of...

Wow, thanks. Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute.

Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man? No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here.

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times.

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener?

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer. Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call.

So, Hank-- the bad Hank-- just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average. Low? It was zero, you fungo. You went your whole career without getting a hit.

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin' Oh!

This society is a bunch of idiots. People of Osiris Four, please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

Me think so. Anyone dumb enough get stuck in ice probably Neanderthal. Neanderthal? Yeah, I think somebody called me that. (SHIVERING) I'm kind of chilly. I don't suppose you have a... (GRUNTS) (ANIMAL WAILS) Oh! Still warm!

Maybe a Parcheesi tournament. Belay that Parcheesi tournament.

Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus. I've got just the thing. Genuine Miracle Cream I bought from a traveling salesman. "Come on, come all," he said. "Step right up!" "This sounds too good to be true," I thought.

Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day. Oh. I'm sorry.

This is crazy. You're from the future? Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected. I was sent forward from the year 2000,

But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world.

Oh, woN't you take me to funkytown won't you take me to Funkytown - Thank you.

You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can. (GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too.

What about my service? Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't,

Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender, taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death.

I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew!

A true inspiration for the children.

And that's just the way I like it.

Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

(ARGUING) Greetings, soft ones. Who among you is your leader? MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is.

Oh, no. - How Tonk look? - Tonk look good. Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat.

So what is the deal with people from under the orange sun? They're all... But us guys from under the red sun, we're like...

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it.

If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this.

What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors. We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them.

One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds. Ah... Make it two, and a small whiskey. Large.

In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant. Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it. I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter.

You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what?

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase.

It got through. You could really use a shower. You too.

You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels. A-ha! One of his heels. (PLANET EXPRESS APPROACHING)

This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS) That is nasty!

Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness. But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out? Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit.

(WHIP CRACKING) Granted, we later learned some positive things about recycling, but a better solution is to use our electronics as long as possible instead of throwing them out in the first place. I'm gonna start by keeping my old cell phone, even if it is outdated.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh? Leela! Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. Let's do it again sometime.

one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole!

The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy. The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery,

We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for.

Never know what I'm going to do next.

Sneaky male, eh? I thought I told you... (SNARLS) Oh, my! Well, nice try. Better luck next season. You gave it a shot! Pathetic.

Freeze, bagwad.

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care.

Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini.

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself.

It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

I move that we vote on...

We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die!

At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around. Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint.

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still.

But this is a private resort for only two people at a time. Yeah, my week is up, but the shuttle broke down and they're still trying to fix it. But, hey, they gave me two free drink coupons for my trouble. You want to buy one? How about you?

Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops.

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell.

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months,

I am not familiar with this concept of gender. My species has only a single gender, known as "neuchacho." Interesting. Come on, men! Let's kill him! Your genders differ in many ways.

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out.

I do love inconveniencing the underclass.

Professor, you're my only hope. If you love me even a little, build me some kind of free will unit. A robot free will unit? Impossible! And even if it were possible, which it's not,

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

Uh, access denied. Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

(EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer. As your vice-president, I order you to steal that tree. My fellow Earthicans, welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting,

Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler.

Mr. Revere, we're looking for a counterfeiter who minted these smelly ha'pennies. His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush. He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING)

We have a great maritime museum. Shut up, Guenter! You can't just put people on display. It's cruel. Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh?

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew!

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way,

I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher. (ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands.

perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner. (SIGHS) It's hopeless. Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction.

Breathe, Fry! Breathe! "U leave me breathless"?

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body,

It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years. Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

Yep. Nothing in there but all the best music of the 1980s in one amazing collection. Survivor, Pat Benatar, the Scorpions-- the list goes on.

This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe.

What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see. Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages.

No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

As usual. Whoo! Run away! Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo!

"Their what?" (LAUGHS) That's funny, like a crazy old man. But you know what's not funny? Deadly Tritonian hyper-malaria.

He's in the foundry this very moment.

Not even if you were the last man on Mars. Hey, you like bananas? I got her number.

It's that hot, it is! Man, it's hot. How hot is it?

You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet.

(SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez.

(CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor.

Oh You better not breathe, you better not move

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh?

That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny.

Balderdash! I never agreed to that!

You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else!

All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar.

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me? Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh! Stupid can opener!

Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out.

I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

Challenger-er Bender-er!

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone!

it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix.

Actually, Dwight, you're right.

This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck! I know whose funeral we'll be attending next.

'Sup? Kids ready?

That's right. Fry, meet flame-o. That's not a flame creature. It's your pilot light. No. It's a fire monster from outer space, and I'm heroically saving the world by trapping him here. So it was you. You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story.

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS)

So what's Mars Day about, anyway? It commemorate the day centuries ago...

My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky.

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

Big Bender starts right now. Get a shave, ugly! Oh.

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared?

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud!

Whoa! Slow that brain train down, Prof! We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick.

(GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES) I get it. You freed me. You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels.

I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked?

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me! We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it!

He's doing it again.

You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common.

But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa! Nice job, Fingers. Mwah.

Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer, using high-speed telepathy.

I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof. (MOANS) - Hi, Mom. - Hi, sweetie. You want some crackers and a slice of hat?

Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly... - Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one.

Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives. Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel...

oh, keep smiling through

Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it!

That's a very good question.

Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

- Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore. Congratulations. Nice work. Way to go, squishy! There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process.

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch.

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich!

Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party!

Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending.

I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying?

They consider them part of their cultural heritage. (GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something. (YOWLS) Ow!

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in!

(GRUNTS) Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated!

There's more places to hide in that dark forest. On the other hand, I could run faster through that open meadow. But of course, the forest might protect my fair robot skin from sunburn. Hmm... (SOUNDS HORN)

I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals.

(CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY) (BOTH SCREAM) (BOTH SCREAMING)

And I'm his friend jesus.

This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal,

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

Well (MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR)

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my...

Steady. Steady. Now!

I... d-- Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list.

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

(VIDEO GAME BLEEPING) Good news, multiplayers. After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science.

All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly!

It's an actual, factual robot hell. Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey?

Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make. You see, when I first went foraging, what I actually found was the smoldering wreckage of the ship.

Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS) Ooh, fancy. MAN: Hold tight. The Mecha-Hexadecapus is about to flail erratically into action.

I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna. We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected. Can do.

(ALL GASPING) Everybody, take a Franklinator. Aw, I got a chipmunk. LEELA: Hee-ya!

Come on, we better talk to the zoo director. Mr. Zoo Director, we don't know you and you're facing away from us, but you have our friends caged up and... (GASPS) Dr. Banjo? The same.

Bite my tiny metal ass!

DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters. What are we delivering?

My stink gland is weak. Smell. Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love.

I'm going to go lie down.

that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him. You think they'd let me use it to look for Bender? What am I, psychic? I mean-- Yes! Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass.

Oh, you're all so cute!

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

to support this new plea of insanity?

We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think.

Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed.

Quiet, you. As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil.

Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture. Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action.

(CANNED LAUGHTER) (SPLUTTERING) Ah! What are you Globetrotters doing here? We're in town for the big game. And we stopped by to help our friend, the professor, with his cloning machine.

but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. (ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore. You're under arrest for crimes against science.

No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

ROBOT HOST: Welcome back to the Young People's Choice Awards! In a moment, the award for Outstanding Sext Message. But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are...

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

Some sunny day oh, keep smiling through

Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

It's coming up! Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass! It's diving!

Ah! the probulator's done. Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start.

What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

How we doin'? Remember me! I will. I will.

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

It worked perfectly!

(SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw! What? Hey, what about your lifelong dream? Didn't you always want to surf the world's greatest sewers? Yeah, and Fry and Bender can go with you. You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING)

Happy New Year!

Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way. Or even from a toilet seat-- though that's impossible, since I have a private washroom. Ah, my home away from home. By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you.

You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

It's these flowers! Ew! It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell,

This man has over-gasped.

and store it within the sphere. - So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure...

That's awful. It's like brainwashing. Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams.

Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night.

Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome!

Curse this interstellar fog.

All right, brain! Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

Boy, I've never seen him so down... or ever before.

My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you.

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

- But-- - Once and for all! Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes. Someone should call the losers who were supposed to deliver it.

Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa!

Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help! Oh! Leela, don't worry, we're here to rescue you! How do we get up there? I'll let my hair down and you can climb up!

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt?

What are you gonna do, kick me out? (DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

Shut up! I'm watching the thing!

Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years. Sir, what rescue operations are planned? The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich!

This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time.

Ain't you heading home, Phil? In a minute. I just want to finish this paperless work. Don't stay up too late. We got a lot of people to shoot tomorrow. (ALARM SOUNDING)

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin.

the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old...

(GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday.

This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go.

May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes.

(SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What?

Why? Because I've always wanted to.

People, as company bureaucrat, I will today be conducting the annual performance review. With a twist. (ALL GASPING) Oh, no. The firing tie.

I think the owner is from Signas Five. Signoids? On our block? Fi and foo! They should go back where they came from! Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other.

ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers!

Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name.

- Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone! Me next!

(TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way.

Bender was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. We'll send his widow some meatballs. Clamps, Bella, get in the way-back. (BELL TINKLING)

(YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die.

Pretty woman walkin' down the street Pretty woman Ow! Ow! Ow! The kind I like tO meet pretty woman I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you

You are? So things aren't workin' out with what's-his-name? Actually, they are. Confidentially, I might not make it back to my apartment tonight. Could you walk Nibbler for me? Uh-- Y-- Uh--

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen. Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next.

A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING)

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was. Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me? Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no! An asteroid field! If even a pea-sized asteroid...

Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko.

There never was a creature. Surprise. (ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) The whole adventure was just a training exercise to teach you the value of teamwork. (CHUCKLING) Hmm. I should be mad, but it worked pretty well. You were really brave, Leela.

Good thinking. Hey! Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right? There may be some death-killing. It's going to be clamp this, clamp that badda-climp, badda-clamp. What do you think, Blotto? You in? It's funny. Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) (BEEPING)

I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial?

That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot. What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time.

Bunk! Oh! If your elitist East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes? We did find it. It's called Homo erectus. Then you have proven my case, sir,

Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo.

Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh.

(EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot!

What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame.

Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage?

I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected.

Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One! What th--

They stole everything except my mouth and eyes. I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking. It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship?

But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady.

Across Earth, robots built in Mom's factories are buying thoughtful gifts for the sweet old tycoon who brought them into the world. This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted.

I've never seen a supernova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova, it'll light up the night sky. Yeah! Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

Here we go. just a minute. Aha! And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty!

we'll know exactly where it comes from. One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds. Ah... Make it two, and a small whiskey. Large.

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

(GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm...

(GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese.

Hey, you look me in the shins and say that. Hey, I've had it up to here with this place. I'm off to the head museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats. So long, coffin-stuffers!

Fry's right. It's time to sit on Santa's lap, and hard.

I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means.

On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends?

Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge.

Good-bye, cruel world.

Oh, yeah! Whee doggie!

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory.

Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

The cursed thing even debones them, which is perfect for today's fast-paced, lazy consumer. (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) The beast must live! (CHEERING) You know what the best part is? From now on, whenever we're eating fresh, organic space-meat,

So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts. No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York. That's right, honey. Whatever you say.

I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name?

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear?

Here we go. just a minute. Aha! And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender.

After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme!

Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic.

But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels?

You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really-- - What's that song about? - Hey, yeah. I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay." "Odelay" is a word. just look it up in the Becktionary. Oh.

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly.

a feat that has never since been equaled.

Killing them seems like a hassle. Can't we just set it free to live with its own kind? Poor, ignorant Leela. The bone vampire is now extinct on its home planet. (GASPS) That's perfect. We can reintroduce it to the wild and repopulate the species. Yeah, let's do those Leela things! (YELLS)

Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

You ruined my life! Goodbye!

If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there.

Sorry, but we're totally sealed in. Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes. Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender. What proof is this-- some huge number?

What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick.

I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style.

Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach-- Destructor!

Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself. Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish.

Only Robanukah--

It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no. Off we go.

No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent. Here, I'll point it at jupiter.

I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor?

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots?

I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream, the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean. I do look forward to cavorting in the spray.

Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you?

This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs. Especially me.

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass!

You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain? Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment. But Guenter's obviously better off being intelligent.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die!

If her personality engulfs mine, the Bender you know and worship could disappear forever. I'm willing to take that risk.

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out.

Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle!

I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it! No! I refuse to release anything unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love! (BOTH COUGHING)

Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad. The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin. That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad.

Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands. Reschedule.

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

As God is my witness, I vow to earn the respect of girls and women everywhere.

Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain.

His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo!

How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING HOARSELY)

Meow. Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra?

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do!

Mm-hmm. I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.

(PIANO PLAYING)

That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart.

Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you. Give me that. More weight.

Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right. No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty.

But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch! Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING)

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers! Ow!

Choke on that, causality!

In a minute. I just want to finish this paperless work. Don't stay up too late. We got a lot of people to shoot tomorrow. (ALARM SOUNDING) Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one.

You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage! Professor, I'll take care of that waste for $499 and 100 cents.

For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

well, I hope we can put this embarrassing incident behind us. Mmm. I suppose. Oh. I-- Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies. Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me.

You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man,

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

And... action! Stupid dumb coma. Coulda been British. Alas, that mine only son... should sink into an irreversible, permanent... coma. Permanent? That's completely out of character for Antonio. I'm getting up. Curse the tragic wildebeest accident that--

Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

Well, obviously, I need floozies. Let's roll. Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud?

Let my people stay! Neat.

I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable!

My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya? A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools!

Until she sneaks out. When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel!

Say cheese, Calculon without makeup. (SIGHS) As much as I hate you, I hate Langdon Cobb more. He beats me out for every award, every role, every paternity suit. Besting him at acting means more to me than life itself. And we want to help you.

Are there any left? There may be one.

So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

He speaks lies! The Earth was created in eons, not days. Yes, relative to you, it was eons, but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. (ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

That guy, you know, I forget his name. That's him! Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck,

Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet.

How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

What's going on? It's very simple. Well, actually it's very complicated. Luckily, I'm here to explain it. You see, this space whale feeds on obsession. Wow. Are you gross looking. Go on. The great space serpent... Mammal. ...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains.

What do you want? I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking.

What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow. This is my home.

You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry.

Good news, everyone. Remember when you asked to see my family tree?

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body!

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine.

(GROANS) (LAUGHS) (SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us.

I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

I'm from Peru. Clam up, Founding Fathers.

Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form.

(SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home!

Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal.

- These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility. That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley, and we can go have some fun. Daddy Bender? Son? Daddy's tryin' to score with a cheap floozy right now. So he needs you to cram a Tinkertoy in it.

What the what? Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift! I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families. (CRACKLING)

Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man.

(BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY) (YAWNS) Safe and sound.

I'm in tremendous pain here.

Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me. You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction.

Bada-boing. Hey, sexy, I'm Bender. What brings you to this tacky soiree? I'm the bride. Oops. How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife?

Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things! Did I, Fry? Did I? What's the point of living if I don't have free will? From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit,

We did harbor a mutant!

No! Get away from there.

Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

The background time radiation is fluctuating wildly! Good lord! That sucker's shakin' round like some fine imported booty! Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work.

(SNIFFS) (BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS)

You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

It's all so sad. What happened to our people? That's too painful to speak of now. Come. I'll show you your quarters.

I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge.

You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium... has named Leela "Orphan of the Year." Your parents must be so proud. Ooh, sorry.

- Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum! Man, this place is a snooze.

Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could.

What you need is this fish pheromone--

What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends.

Nada. He's clean. I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers. Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar? Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien.

Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten! Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out!

(SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS)

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters" I mean this office. Uh-huh. And by "people," I mean you. Right. And by "inconsiderate," I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole?

Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb.

Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining.

He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in. Oh, God.

I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat. What was the first one again? I hate you. I thought that was number two. I knocked it up a notch. Bam!

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer.

All right. We're already one hour behind. Our first award tonight: best cinematography in a non-visible spectrum.

You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go.

Hello? Is anyone still alive?

Straight to hell! So I ask you who will stand up and be saved? Who? Who?!

Squid attack! Hit the deck! (ALL SCREAM)

Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know.

Gold? Why Femputer want gold?

I've just been under a lot of stress lately down at the plant, you know? They're bringing in computers to "improve productivity," and, well, that's no excuse for how I acted. But the boy needs to see that real men... solve their disagreements with words, not violence,

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you.

I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries.

(BOTH LAUGHING) It's both disgusting and inspiring, like Jared from Subway. Okay, I'm a freak with a singing butt boil, but I'm still a human being, more or less.

Can I shred these contracts?

What have I done? Your training is complete, little dessert spoon. Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion... must win at least one game of chess,

Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no. I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise. As God is my witness, you can count on me. Well, see you tomorrow.

Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start.

proportionately weighted by box office receipts. Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD

Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use.

Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator. Oh. Is there a burn ward within ten feet of here?

Well, I'm rich.

I did it! I got a great deal on the ship! Hooray! I knew you wouldn't let us down in any way. Well, how much did you get? Two! Two magic beans! (GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans!

(GROWLS AND GALLOPING) Oh, God, I'm having a Serengeti flashback. Die, you dirty giraffe! (SCREECHING)

Uh, Leela? I'm through making fun of women. Now I want them to help me. Should we do something? There's no hurry. Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order.

Fresh-killed bait. (CHOKING) (SHIVERS) Can we get inside the shack? I'm wearing a belly parka.

I didn't create anything. I stole it.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved. (BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack.

She gave her life to save mine. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk? I'm kind of busy.

And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh?

(GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING)

Fry, you do not understand I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender The shame the shame But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender

Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question.

So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly. just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops. That's just what my mom used to tell me.

You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo! This is great. I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24.

What do you want? I'm 150 years old. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Aren't you going to watch over your young? Tortoises don't do that, do we?

Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series.

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs!

Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal. Nobody said that. (SCREAMS) The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z. Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that?

You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you!

Son... I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right! Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah! Meeting adjourned.

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

Bender, come join us. We're watching Rear Window. I used to stick my rear out the window.

Huh? What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all...

The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward?

It's kind of cramped in here. I don't even have room to hang my clothes. Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes and you're not taking them off while I'm here. Well, I'm bushed. Good night. Wait. Bender? Bender?

(ALL SCREAMING) (ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

Ah, here's my stateroom.

Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation.

Behold! The Internet!

And when I directed Star Trek V,

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want.

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg.

And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger. Hmm. I better check the fluid levels. We're okay on Coke syrup.

Quite. Even so, you'd still need a tremendously powerful static charge to trigger the process. Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested. I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor?

You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy. The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been! Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate?

Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship.

She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow!

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list.

I think it's moving. Hmm. Perhaps the computer can calculate its trajectory. My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us with enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater! We have less than 72 hours.

soda machine! (ALL CHEERING) That's what I'm talking about! You undersold it, Professor! Look, it has Slurm Loco! It's the extreme-iest!

But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him.

Aw, who am I kidding? It was stupid of me to ever dream of becoming a chef. I don't have what it takes, and nothing can change that!

My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

Oh, geez. Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain. But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff. But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace.

What? What is funny?

This place was a great choice. The food is amazing. And such generous portions. If you liked the meal just wait till you try these after-dinner mints. You know, Doug, most guys are put off by my eye. It's nice to finally meet someone who's open-minded. Ew!

(GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

Death to the crab! How bad is it, Doctor? Super bad. It's Tritonian hyper-malaria. A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though.

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party.

Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes.

Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

Welcome to Debate 3012, the 3,012th debate of the 3012 election year. We have a crowded field of candidates, so I will dispense with the informal terrorizing and begin the questions.

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing!

Well, I'm gonna take action. It's time to check on my retirement fund. Damn. Still only a hundred dollars. A penny saved is a penny earned. Also, could you get some athlete's foot cream for my face? He's right. I've got to start investing wisely.

Clamps. Clamps!

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip.

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

So, what do you say, RD? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show? Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough?

I think this one's for the knob. The city's in a bad neighborhood. Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day!

Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy?

Pass the bologna. Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat...

Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain! He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god!

I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know?

Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

(WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks. You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start.

Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

All glory to the hypno-toad. Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them.

but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature. I'd like that. Oh! What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you? Also Pisces. We're all Pisces. Then it's a date. I'll see you at spawning time. No, thanks. I've already found my mate.

Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it.

Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor. Lay it on us, big boots. If the Smell-A-Scope can pick up the professor's odor we may have a chance to save him. I think not. As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space.

the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier? Come on, let's sneak in for a closer look.

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion! Last one. Oh!

That's detention. And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps, but we, like, totally dissed Moose! Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose. But in the meantime, I have good news!

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

Thanks, friend! Another great thing was she always had room for dessert. (SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth! When we reach 72nd Street, jump!

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive.

I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

(BOTH PANTING) I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey!

Aha! Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read.

No, that won't restore everyone, either.

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots.

Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh!

Aw. So that's the situation. Due to the shortsightedness of Old New York New New York is going to be destroyed by a giant ball of garbage. Fry, what the hell were you people thinking back then? How could you just throw your garbage away?

BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I'd like to propose a toast to... Coat check #84.

So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then-- Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

Oh, my. I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them?

Tell him, Leela. Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion.

Stolen Pez anyone? Right this way. Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks. Nope. Uh-uh. Ew!

Oh, sweet legal tender. Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime.

I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury. In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good!

What now, chief? Now, we crash the ship into their headquarters killing them in a hellish firestorm from which no living thing can escape. Good, good. Then what? Then your mission is complete. I, meanwhile, will have ejected to safety wearing the only space suit on board.

she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

Ah! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people-- I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail.

And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet--

Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship,

Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach-- Destructor!

I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy! Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No!

They had their chance. Let's go! ZAPP: Mind if I appear?

Prepare to be surprised.

Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me, but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me. That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave.

Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING)

- Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der! Mail call!

Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning!

Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves.

Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal. It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name. Ew!

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred.

I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo.

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh?

Where? And even though the computer...

I have no interest in being admired for something as inconsequential as my appearance or my personal life. All that truly matters is the process. NARRATOR: Whether playing a beloved historical figure.

I'm awake! I'm awake! Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah!

He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time. No!

Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu.

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool. I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh? Yes, but there are so many, asking so much. After a while, you just sort of tune it out. You know, I was God once.

(CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

They don't. I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys. Where do you people do your erotic display? Same place as your species... the beach. How do I look? Like whale barf.

Cram it, ape! I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!

What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge.

I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "Smizmarr," and my Smizmarr is Amy. So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?

Or is there? (ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry! Merry college registration day, everyone!

Come on. You can do it. Go on, you dummy. Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no!

Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

Ow! Paper cut! (HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add.

You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards. Fry's the one who should be-- Oh, never mind.

I'm not leaving you, and that's final!

(SOBBING) Thanks, Tissue Ghost. DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore. This is Walgreens brand nose paper. Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath?

Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

all personnel evacuate the planet immediately. And not just because it's meat loaf night. Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up.

Yee-haw! That was fun.

Two robots enter. One robot leaves. Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner. That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain?

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

Guys! Guys! There's something on television. Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers...

We rewrote your part to better suit your acting abilities. So now my character has a British accent? No. Now your character's in a coma. Get in bed and don't move.

Someone's sure to be killed. Fry, Leela, Bender-- Damn you, old man!

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho! Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night.

That's coming out of your pay.

Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me! Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire.

Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals? Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit.

Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

(SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up. What difference does it make? When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat.

maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours,

ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell. Hmm. I don't like the looks of this V-GINY.

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle?

There's only one thing we can do... I'll get the water boiling.

Thirty minutes to go. Look at Bender roll that dough! I've never seen such confident, powerful strokes of the ass. You've never seen mine. No, I haven't. Fifteen minutes remaining.

Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them! I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better.

Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos.

Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ahhh!

There. Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat.

This is so great!

cooked with plenty of... confidence?

Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out. For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing. Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal, the clown of the sea.

- Aah! - What the...?!

I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No! Central filing?

I told you it wouldn't work.

Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho! Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night.

Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera.

Keep your palms flat. The tongue tickles.

Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy?

pure garbage. Now you try it. By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away.

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.

Fifteen miners are now confirmed trapped in the sun. If rescue doesn't come soon, they may never again not see the light of day. - Linda? - (LAUGHS) The situation is grim, Morbo. Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.

I hope this is the control stick. (METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control. Addendum. Whoa!

Walrus don't need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never... She... No one ever goes walrus.

- Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender! A surprise funeral for me?

Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort. And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING) Where are we? In the belly of the beast.

We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera.

My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it.

Steady. Steady. Now!

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this?

There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives!

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you!

Today marks young Ben's 13th day of being left on continuously. And so, before the Lord and this congregation, we upgrade him to man-bot. Can I get a mazel tov?

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed.

Don't look at me!

I came here with a simple dream-- A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end?

He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

(CHITTERS) Fry, put these someplace safe. (MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun!

Of course. They're not extinct yet. And if you need further proof that this is really a thousand years ago well, here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson. Ooh. Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie? Uh--

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal!

Shouldn't you wait for the weather to clear up? No. I give you the twit-worm! Send.

Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way...

If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here. Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm.

Uh-oh, jealousy.

up! Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies!

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here?

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie.

There. One million papers folded and loaded. Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that? I'm 12.

Top-secret news, everyone. I've developed a tiny, one-man stealth fighter that's virtually undetectable. How undetectable? It's right in front of you. I find that... (GROANS) to believe.

How so? This is America, not Japan. Maybe so. I'm not sure. Now, how many tickets would you like for the show? Like, none. But thanks for the yucky-tori. (LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet.

And you are outta here!

FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD) Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket!

Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news? They paid in advance.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there.

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

as proof that Earth loves you," this much!

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap!

I don't have much experience at fighting, except with you guys.

Thanks to your husband's humanity, I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn. Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts. I beg you, Mrs. Astor, if you truly want to honor your husband's memory,

Which way to the tiny hookers? (SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER)

Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.

Oh! They thought this Vaxtron could replace me?

Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back.

- Remember that song, "Safety Dance"? - Sure do. We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun--

Hmm! I don't believe you. If you really wanted to be with me, you'd merge your programming with mine. Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Slow down. All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards, all the passion went out of their relationship. Look, I don't know if you want my opinion-- Leela, Bender and I really need to be alone.

Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling? Leela's garbled words have opened my eyes. Okay, that's a start. That's very Earth-friendly.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching.

One, two! one, two, three!

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is. That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau.

Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right.

Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police!

That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah.

Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Everyone, put on your seat belts.

He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store. And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

Prairie elephant!

He even looked a little like you. But the sad fact was... Oh, how can I put this delicately? He was a crazy-ass nut job! Thank you, Ned. But so what?

Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut!

We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life. You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift-- Mine! is the bond I share with my Smizmarr, Amy. For soon, the quivering mass of life within me... will depend upon us both.

One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

Now the bases are loaded! Isn't there a man on this team who can get one more out? I can! I repeat: Isn't there a man on this--

Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

And now the part I didn't show you.

I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away? It's time to kick some shiny metal ass! You degenerate hussy!

and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books.

$10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not. Friends, I found $10.

Can you at least tell us what's going on down there? We're certainly not building something sinister, if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself.

I say, get the hell off me.

A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular.

If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

Of course. I had the same idea.

Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo.

Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.

(GRUNTS) You sure you want to be a bender, Son? More than anything. Just remember, your daddy loves you.

It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day.

It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING) When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice. Patience, Clamps, it is my eldest daughter's wedding day. You don't want the Space Pope to see you clamping, now, do you? Geez, I forgot my Pope manners.

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company. Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something.

You guys scored some primo stuff here.

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I...

MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers. With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention. (CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up,

Three. Two. One! Blast off!

(ALL YELLING) And remember, don't report them missing till after we max out their credit cards.

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun--

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir. No, wait!

They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you?

It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

Hey, Professor, that dimensional drift was hot! How'd you rock that? It's simple, Minx. All you need is a 4-D intake manifold. (BEEPING) It sucks in fourth dimension, creating a friction-less wormhole. ALL: Whoa! Dig that!

All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us.

Wipe my tiny metal ass!

I'm stuck! Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert? Lady what? Wait, there she is! After all these years, I've found her! Oh, my darling! You haven't aged a day! Should we say something?

Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile.

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Even for a second. I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold!

No, he wouldn't. Bender doesn't care about us anymore. (ALL GASP) Someone used to care about me? Hooray! In that case, the jury will begin its deliberations. Bailiff, release the jury collies. (BARKING)

(TRAIN HONKING)

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand.

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more.

He's coming out of...

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa?

What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

You're ugly! (LAUGHING)

I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS)

After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry.

What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Now, your pine trees were all chopped down to make emergency toilet paper during the Fifty-Year Squirts. Lucky the seeds have been preserved here in the vault there. What's that splork on them? It's not germs, is it? No.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell

Okay. We got the hot tub hot, the wine coolers cool. It's "Hammer" time! You suck!

Give you 300 bucks for it. No can do. Oh, all right. I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools then. Very good, sir. So, uh, what time you close tonight?

'Cause we love our vegetables ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag,

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

Hey, rich lobster

Oh, right. How selfish of me.

Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers.

I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Come. Let's go someplace well ventilated and grow old together.

- Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no!

Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people.

Ah, those things cost more lives than they save. - Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet.

Hey. He's lying.

Well, digital photographs don't lie. I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution. I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing.

Our universe is doomed!

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY)

free meals 'cause I brought my own peanut butter. Whole trip cost less than 600 bucks. But this is a private resort for only two people at a time. Yeah, my week is up, but the shuttle broke down and they're still trying to fix it. But, hey, they gave me two free drink coupons for my trouble. You want to buy one? How about you?

Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country! Where are we? Also, when are we?

You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

Uhh! The ballot was confusing!

Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch.

Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you. Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor.

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

(LAUGHS) It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute. Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot.

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000.

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one. "One if by land, two if by sea." The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land.

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor.

"All female employees must pose nude if requested." FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes. Now that's what I call fine print.

All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else

Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you!

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa!

consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth,

My shares still count if they went through the washing machine, right? Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say-- Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us?

The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

"Nerd Search '88?" What's this? Some stupid science contest for smartwads. NASA's going to pick one kid's experiment to launch into space. I could make a space experiment. I just got a new thing of glitter. I'm not sure science is your thing, seeing how that chimp at the zoo tricked you out of your allowance.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry!

Poetic image number 37 not found.

(GIGGLING) Sorry, Bev, but I ain't cut out for fatherhood. So here's my certificate of abandonment drawn up by our notary. That'll be 10 bucks. Now take your kid and hit the soup line! (LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy!

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time?

Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems... that can't be solved by an aphrodisiac. However huge it might be.

Too late. This is more fun.

So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet. I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev.

Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots.

She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing. One year to go. Six months. I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we...

Earth! Indubitably.

Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this!

we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Mmm. Wow. We're great kissers.

Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

(ALL BOOING) Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer.

Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

What is it? My God!

I want to show you the story I made up. That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow. Sally, that's wonderful. You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air?

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em!

Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus! They're all dead, and their bones are gone.

It does seem like jamaica would be able to field a strong limbo team without you. Yeah. Isn't that basically all jamaicans do? Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport. That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself.

The end is near! Repent thy sins! I'll thinks it overs while I engages this $5 hooker. Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore.

Let's go surf the great sewer waves of the world! (SURF ROCK PLAYING) (SQUEAKING)

Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there.

Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him! (SOBBING) There, there. I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle?

Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

I'll never see Hermes again. On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again.

Here's corpsey!

Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose. What kind of lazy ending is that? I'm not gonna put that in my song. Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd.

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah! Whee!

That's okay. I don't really like cards. What I'll remember is our time together.

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING)

(CRACKING) Whoa! It's collapsing! What the...

Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it.

Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale.

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you. Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m.

All right, how we feeling? Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer. (SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers? I ain't making drinks for no trashy robo-sluts.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home. They'll need transportation to the surface. Bring in the airship. Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons--

Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it?

especially the five with the energy beings. I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor!

"The Magician"? Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful. So, when Umbriel first brought home this carpetbagger I was agin' it but damn if ol' legs here ain't grown on me!

Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry.

It seems the youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A." - Question. - Yes? You stink. Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium...

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet? Huh? Damn it, Fry! He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain.

I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater. I thought it would fit. And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing?

So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad? (ENGINES FIRE) (GRUNTING)

I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains?

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you.

Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot. Hear, hear. Let's put on our new uniforms and take a staff photo for the newsletter. Right on! Here they are, freshly laundered and...

No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

Quick, while they're not looking!

Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot?

Stop! We'll leave. But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now And if this world runs out of lovers We'll still have each other Nothing's gonna stop us Nothing's gonna stop us now

What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops. Those delightful birds with their chirp, chirp, chirp and their tweet, tweet, splat. Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful.

I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on. I might dress up in a face if you ever took me anywhere nice! Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out?

My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.

Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan, and you're not doing anything to stop it. Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face, everything just makes sense, dude.

No! No! No! Uh-oh.

Fry, stop. She's gone.

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook.

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury.

Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw. I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down.

I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking.

Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys.

so I get to hold kitty. Here, puss, puss... No, me.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg.

Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke. My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain.

I said no such thing. And then I died!

I was robbed. They got everything, except these. Who did? Hello, Fry. It's Mom. I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies. Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale.

We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard.

Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me?

Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all. Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float.

Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!

Your words guide us. We're dumb. You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours. The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best.

I'm not giving up yet. I am. I already did. You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

Then lock up when you're done. just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am.

(LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name.

It wasn't supposed to do any of those things.

It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new. I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined. Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness.

Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already? No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator!

Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually.

Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic. Uh-huh. oof!

So, heads or tails?

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

I got it! I got it! I don't got it!

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey!

One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon!

Xmas dinner, everyone.

Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner?

Still, a Parcheesi tournament. This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998. And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs.

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

who's also secretly a massage chair? No. I play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star. But in real life, I'm a massage chair. Mmm. You ever made out with a tugboat? Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there, but I want each of you to know what an honor it is to work with me.

Greetings, followers. This is day five of my solo kayak journey around the world. Send. (LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send.

(GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH) Ah!

Hey, it's your fault.

And, Bender, that aerosol head spray... makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got. Good news, everyone.

That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain.

Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

Every little thing reminds me of Enos. Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently. It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me.

That's my prizewinning Smell-A-Scope. If a dog craps anywhere in the universe you can bet I won't be out of the loop. And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish.

I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies. Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale. What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me. How much do you want?

I'll kill you! That would be best. Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela!

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl.

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live.

Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

Pleasant trip. Hey, Bender how's dinner coming? Almost ready. Ah, now for a dash of salt.

Oh, mercy. Come on, you! Let the games begin!

(GASPS) Fry? What are you doing? You were right.

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you.

There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg.

Sign here on this Supercuts coupon.

Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives.

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom. My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil?

My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers.

We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Kiff might. Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast. Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello?

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

How do I look? Like a sexy Yogi Berra.

Hey, hey. What's wrong? Was it something Leela said? We come-a to Earth to start new life, raise fat, spoiled Earth kids, hang many underwear from Earth clothesline, live Earthican dream.

Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil.

Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom. Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

Bender? Nope, don't recollect nobody by that name.

Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second.

(SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral?

(ANNOUNCER READING) Or... (ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission, reproduction. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo.

Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than... AUTOMATED VOICE: Low battery.

for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful. My God, he's become evil.

Hey, there's a dragon in this trap!

Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads. Someone must have used my press while I was poking around in Charlotte. Let's ask my apprentice, David Farnsworth. (GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him!

You see, I'm his butler. Oh! My uncle Fry and his mystery-solving friends. Perhaps you can make sense of the... What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. (SCREAMS) Now then, let me show you my lab. This is my cloning machine.

Who was it? Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew.

Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you! I can't sleep at night! Although, as a robot, I don't do that anyway.

Good news, multiplayers. After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet.

You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or not, but I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people... who just wanna kill for fun. Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there. On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura.

Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No.

Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad!

No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm! Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross.

You idiot. I'm not a cannon. Huh. I guess I am a cannon. (MOANS) Time to prune the family tree. Wha!

you are probably in the top 10. Aw. You always say just the wrong thing in just the right way. Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human,

The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

We'll see about that in five hours. Halt! From whence comest thou, one-eyed maiden? Uh... Ever been to Peru? Certainly not. I'm from Peru. Clam up, Founding Fathers. We need help locating the treacherous forger who forged this forgery. (ALL GASP)

You mind taking your head off?

Damn the expense!

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out.

(SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry. (SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony.

Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing.

I mean, all right then. No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would. Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be.

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender!

You, wrinkled as a prune--

You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season. And so I would fain commission you write an opera. But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one. Still, if you can keep me amused through the overture, I shall consider it a smashing success.

A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies.

Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados.

(MOANING) (RAPID BEEPING) (GASPS) Vaxtron! It's not what it looks like! But it's very similar to that! My world has been, like, shattered. I hate you both.

Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it. Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore. Old-fashioned? Hammy? God's wounds! Our network is targeting a hip new demographic, people who don't like you.

At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please.

- Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman.

All hail the new captain.

No! Get away from there. That's it! Happy birthday!

Wow, you're good. Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES) Ow! Want a corn dog? Sure.

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy

You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him! The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional.

Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING) WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window

I feel funny-- ha-ha funny. Huh?

Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human? What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root. Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex. Oh, that's ridiculous. I'll take two pounds.

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!

Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot?

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid.

We still do. So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant? We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life. You must despise us. You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening? You are now dead.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

You're getting there.

I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth.

Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door. Here's your homework, you lucky knob. And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover, I might get sick enough to miss the whole semester. Hey, give me that.

Handsome Major Angus MacZongo, Esquire. Ooh! Handsome and Esquire. I'm Turanga Leela. My crew and I are from Earth. So what brings you folks here to Doohan 6? We just released an endangered animal back into the wild, a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS)

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

(MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone! Alone with me? I said scram, grapey! (GULPING)

Oh-- Ohh. Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid. Are you presenting one of those tacky honorary awards or just getting one? I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space.

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

You better believe it!

These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender.

I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots. Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots? Or does that confuse you?

Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated.

Oh, thank God. Trespassers, eh? No, sir. We're amusement park patrons. Oh, that's a wicked, sinful place. Tilt-a-whirl's okay but the rest is mighty wicked. Our car broke down and we're out of oxygen. Can we borrow some? "Borry?"

Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

Fry, where's your brain slug?

What? How can you say that? Watch and learn. My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to stand before you tonight as your next president. Together, we will... Hey, what's going on? What's happening?

Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint.

That is one unlucky guy.

My experiment measures the effect of microgravity on the propagation of the common cold virus in an anaerobic environment, i.e., space.

Goodbye, cruel me.

(IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot?

Perhaps too hard. Look, all the presidents are back. Even John Tyler. That's the first time anyone's spoken to me in 1,200 years. Yes, from Chester A. Arthur to Chester Z. Arthur, they're all here.

Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

I'm going to jump!

It's not your fault. I wanted this week to be special. And then Sean had to show up. Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all. Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

Too bad the universe made it turn out that way and not some other way. I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking! Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws?

Leela, I've got an idea. Stay here with Queequeg. Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth. I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting.

Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted!

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives!

Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. Later, I'll show you the pictures.

Temperature? Whoa! The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! (EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data. Could you dump that somewhere else? Not really. It's highly volatile dark matter and some corn. But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow,

You're charging us after you blinded me? Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity. $1,200? Holy zombie jesus! We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem.

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs,

Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor?

Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide.

And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you. We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!

(GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill! No alcohol? (SCOFFS) And you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine? I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze,

There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite.

It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend.

Oh, my God! Are you... God? Possible. I do feel compassion for all living things-- my good chum. But why would God think in binary?

Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses.

Oh, my! So, you see, the putrid, waxy substance I was coated with Was-- Not precious ambergris! Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place. Ta-dah!

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show.

Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case.

Life is wonderful!

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

Scruffy, the janitor.

Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

Looks like the fittest did a little surviving last night, huh? Whatever. Hey, looky there. (SCREAMING) (GASPS) Those robo-cavemen have kidnapped our human regular-women. We gotta save them! But the only weapon we have is my fan dance.

Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks. Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date.

Whoo-hoo! Ha! Whoa! Schman, the great rad spot is mega-sweet for party boarding.

Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

And I still barely felt anything.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot. Whoa!

It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything, even the big bang that created the universe. All that's left is the mathematics. Put down h-bar, carry the infinity, and... My-reka! There it is, the grand unified theory,

Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler.

Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o!

I'd like to stab 'em, give 'em some of these. Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me.

You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen. Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question.

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw! Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons,

But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat.

Leonardo's beard!

Ready to go to sleep? Almost. Can I have some milk and cookies first?

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president."

Aah! Ooh! Uh! Good luck, Bender!

Please do not feed the animals!

Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families.

We'll need help getting in. Any volunteers? - I'll help you. - Aw, phooey.

Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor? Aye. Aye. Duh, okay.

I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die. Hurry. What's happening? Oh. Whew!

I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds. How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo!

It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela.

And the good news keeps on coming. Behold, my latest invention.

So is our love. Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in?

just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving

Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

Bender, quit destroying the universe!

No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association.

screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you. Oh, isn't she adorable? What a class act. Sold! To the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction.

Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose.

Admit it. You felt somethin' for me tonight. And by "me" I mean Flexo. Hey, look, I had fun, but-- - But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

That's statistically impossible. In 77 innings, you haven't gotten a single out. At this rate, you're sure to go down as the worst blernsball player of all time! Oh. Then I have a new vow. I solemnly swear I will become not the worst blernsball player of all time!

Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry.

I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

The humiliated conspirators were forced to sign the Declaration of Dependence, proclaiming British rule forever. Meanwhile, a loyal Brit by the name of David Farnsworth, tracked down the traitor, George Washington, and bravely smothered him with his wig.

Uh-oh. I'm terrible at parallel parking. And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight. You're bogarting my patience. Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself.

Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers.

I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little.

Smell for yourself. Holy-- Gee! That smell could be anything-- a faulty stench coil, some cheese on the lens, who knows?

Smells like strawberries. Exactly. And now Saturn. Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now!

I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number.

The Cavern on the Green.

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make. You see, when I first went foraging, what I actually found was the smoldering wreckage of the ship. Ignoring all danger, I charged inside to liberate our provisions.

If anyone is going to kill Mr. Peppy, it should be me. Fry, I know you're upset right now, but I hope you'll consider donating the body to science dinner. (SLURPING) Here, Mr. Peppy. Mmm, lovely bones.

You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe.

It Mars that gonna be destroyed. (ALL GASPING) Why you think we so eager to abandon this dump? You guys got 10, 15 minutes max. Well, so long. Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

All right, team. let's go find that clover. Which way to your house? The sign says we're at 71st Street. 71st Street? Hmm. Never heard of it. Downtown could be in any direction. No sweat. We'll just take a spin on the "B" train.

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

Welcome to the world of business. Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who! But we already have a client signed up.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient! Hmm.

Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero!

performing the death scene from Romeo and Juliet, seven-time Oscar runner-up, Calculon! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS) (CLAPPING SLOWLY)

Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will

He did give us eternal youth.

exactly like, et cetera, et cetera.

Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope.

Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask.

Well, things are starting to look up. Look up!

Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer.

Waaa-aaaah! He was fun. Well, if we get bored looking for the clover, I've got Tetris on this thing.

(SNEEZES) Sorry. Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia. There were no survivors. Takes all kinds. And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite.

Oh, what's the use? I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb. If only I'd made some mistake! You didn't. I checked the invariance of your Lagrangian. Hubba-hubba. Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing!

Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you.

Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So? Gentlemen, ladies, let's get this globe trotting. (ALL GRUNTING) It's working! Just a little faster!

Yeah. I don't know why, but my life really turned around that day. Stay here. Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning. (BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me.

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No!

I gotta get outta here!

That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes? That could be a response the aliens are waiting for! Quickly. To Mount Shushmore!

Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Hello. Of course I'll marry you.

(GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no. I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony.

Eh, they're all pretty unimpressive. Oh, honey, look! The tapirs! It says here the babies lose their Pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey? Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh.

We're sophisticated New New Yorkers.

I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene,

I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What?

Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do? Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock.

And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

Twelve straight hours of limbo. I haven't done that since my honeymoon. Hermes, Hermes, remember that flock of bats? I sure do. That was fun. BENDER: Where are we? I have no idea.

Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you. God! Whoa! Whoa! Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this! Yaah-- Aaah! He--

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better.

So? He seems like a nice kahuna.

(GRUNTING) Now, listen carefully. This planet is controlled by two rival gangs,

Of course. It's a Mayan calendar. No, wait. There's some dried-up old stew on the screen. Sorry. I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn. AMY: (GASPS) It's not Mayan, it's Martian!

Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel! Ha-ha! Hey, listen, Skippy.

Okay, then. See you in a week! Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go.

Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined!

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady! Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either.

known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks.

Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right?

Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now. So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man.

I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu. Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But--

ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Don't mind me. I'm just saving you the trouble of throwing me away. Spleesh! Mel out, Bender. Come watch some TV. I can't. I'm stuck in the can.

Pack of highly. Got it. His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

and you Bambi-loving beatniks will never stop it. Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species. This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court.

Thanks, sucker. (LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar. Tell me, Dr. Beeler. Will I need to threaten you? Not at all.

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing?

(ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow! Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless. Okay, deep breath, deep breath.

Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot. Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology. What you need is this fish pheromone--

One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid?

Everybody wins!

I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks.

Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Pazuzu! Pazuzu! Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here?

There is still one hope. You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right. Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp!

It's him. He's okay. Death to humans!

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere. But we wish you Godspeed.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box.

I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

Don't you lay a hand on that angel!

My God, is it possible?

Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water? - Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies!

Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss. Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand. Well, you were going to live in the closet anyway.

Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS)

Ever since, we have waged unceasing war... against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin! So why are these Brain Spawn attacking Earth, Nibbler?

What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing. ...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95? Yes, please. Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was.

What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas.

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it!

with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No. All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you. And that's why you'll never make captain, Kif.

(GASPS) (SIGHS) I should have known the truth would come out sooner or later. The fact is, I really was born on Earth tomorrow. You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING)

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it. If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son.

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful. Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant? Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried,

Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?! They're being crushed into powder and sold as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer. False hope. I love it. Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?! The machine is working at full capacity.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue?

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Give me back my floppy face! Oh! Ooh! Ohh!

Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated.

Wait, why do the raised letters that normally say "Turn Master Steering Wheel Company" say "Nibbler"? Oh, no! I'm back at the wheel, Fry. Everything's under control. Great, great. The one time I forgot to buy flight insurance.

will you reCognize me call my name or walk on by

You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy.

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir!

Who's kicking who around now?

It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now.

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles!

You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human! (GASPS) Wild human! Wild human!

Oh. That's a little bright.

Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it!

Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong?

Is this guy a shark or what?

So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium? Oh, livin' in a box, fightin' the shakes. You? Sellin' kidneys, teeth. Whatever falls out of me. And what am I up to, you ask? Why, I'm a very successful space captain. - Oh! - Wow! How nice for you, Leela. That's so good...

Goodbye! Don't worry, shippums, with a whole junkyard of spare parts to work with, I'll turn you into a tepid rod.

Shut up, damn it!

Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke... in a good way.

Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

Yee-ha! Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha!

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife?

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you.

Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off? Can't a girl enjoy herself without being judged? Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder. She's becoming a slave to her emotions.

We're back for our time machine! Ow!

But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh! I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive.

Fry, are you all right? You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later. Ticktock. Sir, all planetary defenses have been disabled. Perhaps the Decapodians acquired our secret codes somehow. Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame.

What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

What's that? War were declared.

How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power.

Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

Shatner's log: air date, unknown.

Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent.

Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING)

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem?

In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift for me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool.

I love you, Bender!

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(ANNOUNCER READING) Or... (ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission,

No! No! No! No!

I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

One of your friends must die! Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be, must be. Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby! Fry, it's been years since medical school

Bummer. Someone fat get in my way! Oh. I'm broken again.

To my friend, Bender. A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was.

I feel a little left out. (GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so.

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass. The robot has to go. Yeah!

I'm thinking we need to downplay those hideous growths on your head. Horns are a sign of virility. Also, they house my testes. I'm thinking horn extensions.

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks. Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn.

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see...

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love...

Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN)

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses.

Bad news, everyone.

Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you. Hey, it is kinda like that. To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went. What a Valentine's Day that was.

But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet. Ooh. Sorry.

Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl ever to skip through a field of posies. Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab,

It's got a real nice profit margin.

(COUGHING) Man, all this corncob pipe smoke is irritating my stab wounds. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present, fresh from another down-home authentic prison term, the universe's greatest folk singer, Silicon Red!

So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me Say that you need me Say that you want me You want to please me Come on, now...

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back.

We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big.

She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society,

Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know.

Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

Hey! I can't spell anything with these cards. Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery.

I'm on break. Sorry to interrupt this whirlwind of activity, but we have an announcement. I direct your attention to these forms... which I'm presently engaged in handing to you.

Well, that was rude.

Aw... what's the point?!

I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone.

You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

(SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

One hundred kilometers. Two hundred. I hate to complain about the heat,

He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo.

Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth? Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky!

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute.

(SHIVERING) Professor, we need to talk, man-to-mob. (INDISTINCT GRUMBLING) We've had it with Zoidberg! We demand you fire him! Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans.

We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms... I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room.

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing.

Um, a little help, please. Whoa! Oh, what the hell.

Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one?

the clown of the sea. NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal.

Check it out, y'all. Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts.

Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Then eat it. So, uh, what's this big score anyway? We're heisting a shipment of zuban cigars. Zubans?! Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a whole maternity ward with one of those things. Yo, there's our pigeon now. Let's shoot bullets out of our guns.

Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows! If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them?

I've been processing this for some time, Monique and, well... will you marry me?

Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.

We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry?

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh,

And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie. Change places!

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting?

You are free to go. Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm. Whoa! It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender.

What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might.

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin'

(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest! Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey.

Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one.

Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive? Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed! Bender! Ship!

30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing. ...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95?

You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so. Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it. But this is one of those rare problems with no magic solution.

I want to be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science fiction cartoon writer. But-But what about my hopes and my dreams and my wonderful inventions? In your entire life, your only half-decent invention was me, and I didn't turn out like you wanted either.

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software. He has no free will! He cannot "decide" to engage in criminal behavior.

Umbriel, these are some Yankees.

A fight to the death.

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir.

just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks.

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters. What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors. We'll get them there as quickly as we can.

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo! Well, now you know-- I'm not actually rich.

Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe!

No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it.

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us.

Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair.

Yes, please. No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here? (SIGHING) This planet is the real Rumbledy-Hump, and these creatures are the real Humplings. All I did was write down their adorably repetitious hijinks. (GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone?

Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING)

Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead!

Scruffy knows who killed them people.

Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING)

When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

The shame the shame

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor.

- Interesting. Tell me more. - Get this. For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar. An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rat's nest... called television once and for all.

My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City. She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face. No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

$3 at the drugstore. I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here, I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people. How dare you. You want to understand something? Look at that lake. One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated.

Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day. That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians,

You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space.

Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news? They paid in advance. Excuse me.

TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped!

What are you talking about?

Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have-- a soul.

You're coming to live here? There goes the purple-hood. (SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you. Wait, it doesn't matter the color of your berries. After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow. Shucks, I never thought of it that way. Sorry, cheddar-head.

DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

Just like the noble buffalo. Nothing like a buffalo. Anyone who pays attention to the lichen is unknowingly feeding it. But gaze upon its face, even in a photograph, and your very life force will be sucked out, leaving you a flaccid husk.

You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Perfect scores! A record five gold medals for Coilette! I'm great! Everybody else sucks! Except that guy Bender. He's really something. Whoo! All medalists report for gender testing. You actually thought they'd let you walk away without an engine-oil sex check?

Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger! Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky,

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry!

Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that.

You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier.

Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death. But the judge already sentenced us at the trial. Silence. That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago.

The show looks so cute. Kids will love it! And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit.

To hell with the turtles!

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside, you were just a pitiful child.

They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela?

That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

(SCREAMS) Fire! What the... What kind of crazy fire is this? Greetings, Bender.

Wait. This is what we're running from. Faster! Faster! Whoa! Oh! Aah!

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender?

Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose. I'm going to allow them for now.

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender.

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

Um, we're 12, so, yes. Hold up, Cubert. You're a clone of the professor. Do clones even have birthdays? Um, duh! Duh, what?

Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm?

Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that, I now know exactly how to end my comic book. Let's watch.

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke?

What I want to know is what is up between you and Bossy Boots here. Her? She's just a bossy friend. Exactly! She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job!

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING)

Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me!

Thanks, dear. Off to work. (URGING) Whoa, whoa, there, girl. Go on, now! Get on back to Paraguay! (BRAYING)

Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor?

You couldn't afford it, honey. Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty. Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside.

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for.

And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs.

You can't just meddle with life like that. Who do you think you are? God? I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight. Why are you committing these atrocities against nature? Nature's out of its league.

I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first.

ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed!

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day.

I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen! Irie, Professor! Behold, my mutant atomic supermen!

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes. So, Leela you must've had your pick of the litter last night at closing time. Could you guys please stop talking about my personal life?

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer? I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room.

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do? Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing this around here. It was brisk. I dressed in layers.

Thick and blue, tried and true, thin and crispy, way too risky.

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin.

Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot. (MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor. You robots need alcohol to function.

Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us.

We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time. Hmm...

Am I going crazy? Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn!

I only wish I could've removed the stinger. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him.

Cornelia, my love, will you marry me? Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg. (RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks!

I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia.

I don't feel well.

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom!

The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed.

Very well, but I get to name the next strategy. This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun? People, as you know,

Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream. Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium. It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it.

There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

Uh, sure. Okay.

- I'll help you. - Aw, phooey.

The tide is coming in. Quiet. The beast approaches.

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) LEO: This very lucky casino we own. Someone wins one million dollar every hour! Usually it us. 33 black. Everyone lose.

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids?

We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Fry, you half-mad, half-insane maniac be reasonable. Don't you realize that if you stay at this depth your body will permanently adapt to the pressure? Realize it? I don't even understand it. It means you'll never be able to return to the surface.

It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump. - Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

(SCREAMS) (EVERYONE GASPS) What's happening? Did you kill it? The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk?

Oh, I'm scared!

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry. (FRY MOANS)

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started. Raise the main ladder! Don't lose hope, Fry! What kind of coffin do you want?

Let's watch, shall we? My work here is done.

Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant... (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) (SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this.

This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back.

You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it! So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

Ah, Hermes. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night.

It'll only make things harder. Goodbye. (GRUNTS) That's new.

You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6.

Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it. Okay.

Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day. Greetings, friends. Don't we all look nice today? Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life. My friends, I found religion.

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go... There.

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

Let's go already Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS)

But let me ask my son-in-law, Billy? Yes, Moon-Pa? These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met. Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act.

This wangs chung.

Delivery for a Mr. 147573952589676412927? Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human. Ahh. Nerve gas.

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh!

Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

(CHUCKLES) You humans and your fragile organs. One little stab to the goo, and... (IMITATES SQUIRTING) (EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead, Earth man. Cruel fate, I'm dead.

My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home,

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot.

Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING) Cornelia, my love, will you marry me?

Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years. Now that's a limboer's body.

but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here. Robot House. Hey, Dean. Nice looking model. You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House.

Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown. Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like.

The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile.

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

FRY: Bye, Animatronio!

Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies. Are you here to fumigate the moose head? Uh, no. Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back.

Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you.

Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me? Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten!

Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes.

Scruffy's formulated a plan, but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish.

mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote.

But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS) Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache.

This city's been garbage-free for 500 years. Well, then it's time to make some more.

Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot...

Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a?

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding." Prepare for liftoff.

You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay!

Think, you disco duck. Think!

I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby! Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one!

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

Well, I don't feel as bad as you look. Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid. You're all right. That's some face you got, though. I think they got a cream for that.

I'm not the greatest actor ever. I'm a talentless buffoon! And it's all your fault!

Sorry about that!

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95. That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military.

Off on your first delivery, eh? You be careful, my little tinkler. Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler. Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses. Only the Sunday Edition can do's that.

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty.

Here, take my lab coat.

Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space.

Relax, Sonny. This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

Ooh, you go, mutant girl!

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela

Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives!

Whoo! Microbrewed. My guys did all right. I think I'll make my countenance to shine down upon them. Malachi, good work! There's no slowin' down with the Metal Lord tonight! Yes, tonight is kind of special.

All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew!

you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus! Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL.

Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it! Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING)

Not often though. Mmm.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop--

Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet. Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom. Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

No! No! Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew! Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus, or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

I'll say. You're rubbing my ass.

Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology. What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh.

Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie.

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

and that's not your golf cart. Aw! Everybody just calm down. Kif promised he'd catch the rustlers.

(BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic?

Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

The smear lines are impeccable. (ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Unlike your Earth zoos,

Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But... So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot?

- Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump. - Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either.

Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

You got a problem? We can take it outside.

"Friend"? But I'm doomed! I might as well capture a Yeti and die trying. Then you'll need someone to dissect it, friend. (ROARING)

(ALL GRUNTING) It's working! Just a little faster! But we're plotzing here! Then look at Nibbler! ALL: Aw!

Today, I actually blended in with a crowd!

With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you.

Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy. So, where are you going to stay?

LEELA: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness. Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now. (HONKING)

Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me.

Ah, now, that's a story that can only rightly be told in a chamber of commerce video narrated by folk-rock troubadour, Donovan. Atlanta was a city, landlocked hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean.

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos.

I can't watch... Enough.

- (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg.

So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener.

This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa! A blank wall! Fame is mine!

I know that! Go get me a crowbar. Please, use mine. I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey!

Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever. (ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues. Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer. Both our dreams came true.

Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go!

I heard you from my room. What's wrong? Nothing. It's just... No, Leela.

Mutants! Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back.

Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool. Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool I'll do it. Whoa!

(GROANING) You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke. (GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING)

Oh. Now I'm really outraged. Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card.

MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot

I once slept with him. A few times. I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous.

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you.

(ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds!

Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay. Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur.

It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either.

You must despise us. You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

Psst! You're holding the bat upside down. just pitch the ball. Okay. Eye off the ball. Uuh! Stee-rike! Hooray! Yeah, you did it, Leela. I didn't hit the batter!

You go, Beachmaster!

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

You're a wonderful man. Finally, the atom is safe.

Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up. By God, you're right!

Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry.

Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia.

Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please! Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah!

We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore. It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999.

That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

What's wrong, Mommy? It's those damned anchovies. That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them. No one messes with Mom.

Oh, dear! Oh, yes! This just in. Three dead in foamy plunge. (LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species!

We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to.

The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex.

"One if by land, two if by sea."

I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this?

Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that?

Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Oh, man, he got away.

According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of... 900 degrees. Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful.

So the moral of the story is... if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! You know, you always were a kick in the teeth, man.

Eww! It's time to take action.

(GASPS) You're a human?

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay.

Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. ALL: Ew. What? Bender bit a poo penny. Bender bit a poo penny.

the largest street-going vessel ever built. Just four days into her maiden voyage, as we approached 32nd Street, the land liner struck a mailbox and went down.

But he's doing it. (BELL RINGING) (LAUGHS) Check out this dork. I, sir, am the master of the hunt, and I'll thank you to behave like a gentleman. You're quite welcome, sir. (BELCHES)

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing.

There he is! All right! Closure! Oww! Futurama. Noun.

Fresh-killed bait. (CHOKING) (SHIVERS) Can we get inside the shack? I'm wearing a belly parka.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies.

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass!

Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

(LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts.

You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya.

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP) I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want. Like this video of you doing karate in your underpants.

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler.

Right. And this one?

Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled?

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved.

Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. - Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

- You need to relax more. - Wow!

I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them! I'm tired of your yapping!

Granted, all that makes perfect sense. But why is this death sphere destroying planets? That makes the most sense of all. Look at the planets it's destroyed so far. First came X-3, the nude beach planet,

Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes.

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time.

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance. (LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh! It's okay. I understand.

Is this thing on?

WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish.

Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle. Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty.

So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move!

This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

Nope. Uh-uh. Ew! Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody? I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business, customer records are strictly confidential. Right this way.

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle! Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution. Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right? No question. So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know.

I want to show you the story I made up. That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow. Sally, that's wonderful. You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air?

Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot. G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate.

In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep.

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is... Bender!

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING)

You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished.

Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

(BABBLING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE)

Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys. (ALL GASP) No! They did it!

Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender.

Sorry, I went to my quiet place to write. Here's the script. Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera.

Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror."

the great taste of Charleston Chew.

All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

That's not Mr. Peppy. Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us. Why, Major MacZongo, why? It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire. The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub.

No. Pubic Library.

I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet!

oh, keep smiling through

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets.

Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

I'll be back-- Back when you least expect it. Next Xmas!

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on,

That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke. Send in my science advisor. Wernstrom!

I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

(POWER SURGING)

and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

(SNORING) Hermes, oh, you foolish man, what do you need a Cylon eye for? Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite!

Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends.

The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better. Prepare to enter...

Core magnetic field, 31 microteslas. Nice. Temperature? Whoa! The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! (EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data. Could you dump that somewhere else?

Don't pay me no mind. (GROANS) Scruffy, could we please have a little privacy here? If you can't see me, is that private? (GROANS) Come on, let's go somewhere we can be alone.

But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built...

Leonardo, stop! (ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion.

I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed!

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend. Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats.

I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class.

Draining male oil!

Poor Tex. He was quite a shark. Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win. Oop, sorry.

Frame someone! What up?

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender?

Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable.

Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Wait, there's some Blips. - (GASPS) - (GRUNTS) Those aren't Blips! They're Cruds! They have the red on the left. Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again.

And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine.

Can you translate it? Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three. A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS)

Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still. Let's blow this tomb.

I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender The shame the shame But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender He gave me mechanical ears

Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen.

You're not going anywhere! But I have a date.

I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it.

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep! Come on, Nibbler!

She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you threw an octopus at my window. You know, Zoidberg, it's crazy, but when you talk this way your obvious deficiencies as a male seem... less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental.

I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea.

Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel.

That's sweet, Hermes.

Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke.

All right. Enough lipstick. Let's storm out. Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over.

But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said.

where the Mets close out a season that will rank among mankind's most awful crimes.

Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you.

What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Joy Juice, hot.

Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters?

Action! And I mean circus-grade action.

just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you.

Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like. Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples!

Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time.

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything. (EXHALES DEEPLY)

I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment?

Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go.

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat

(FIRING) (SCREAMS) Go, me!

Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war...

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me,

You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No!

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar.

"Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was.

Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh. Come, lad, take my hand and I'll explain why I find you so repugnant.

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you?

Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?!

Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day.

Give us back our genitals! Is that you, Borax Kid?

where there will be no escape... from the fun. All robots must attend!

And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys.

It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here. Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug?

Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation.

Can't journey to the center of your mind without love beads. Wow, look at the colors! These'll go great with my soul. Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently. I'll take three. Give me one, man. I'll trade you a bad poem.

Ah! It's empty! I'm 40% back, baby! (PIANO PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Tell me, Zaxxar, were you even born on Earth? Because the Earth constitution clearly states that only people born on Earth can be president. Isn't that right, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You Ruth Bader believe it!

Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

No, wait. Here. No. Wait... Does anyone else find this delivery suspicious? Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care.

Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What?

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed.

Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

That's it! I demand you fire this felonious ham! The network execubots are coming! Oh, dear God! Presenting the president of the network.

But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air. Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on!

We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry?

All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow!

We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it?

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine,

- Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of.

I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library. And so life returned to normal, or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball...

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded! I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs.

What did you do now? Stop doing things.

Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald.

Up yours, bimbo!

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced?

Aw, you're a true friend, Fry. I guess there's nothing wrong with being a little weird. Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything. We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but... we drawed you this picture.

And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions.

She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender. (YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS)

You're such a sweet, soft fembot, yet you have this free spirit about you. And there it is!

Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al.

Hang on, Mom. I have another call.

A Massachusetts ha'penny? Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. ALL: Ew. What? Bender bit a poo penny. Bender bit a poo penny. Look, 'tis but worthless tin. Where could Farnsworth have minted such a high quality fake? Not here.

I bent him. Bender!

Jesus Christ, and his 12 Apostles. That's odd. This hand here doesn't belong to anybody. And it's pointing a knife at James the Lesser! That's the great thing about that hand. And what about these funky table legs? It's like they're from some other, funkier painting.

Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be.

A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose. I'm off to my lab to build a successor-naming machine. Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor?

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled.

Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING) Hey, hey, hey.

We'll have to bring her around again. Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are!

- Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP)

Get a shave, ugly!

(WIND BLOWING) Maybe if I move the compass like this,

Hmm... Invisible safe, eh? (CHUCKLING)

No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

I love these things! Shake paws, Nibbler. Come on. Shake. He might be a little hungry. Shake, boy! Usually he's had more ham by now. Shake!

She's taught the world that being a bum knows no gender. And yet, tonight we have witnessed the beginning... of a great career for the first woman to play the sport well, jackie Anderson.

Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb. Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown. Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD i'm just A love machine and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

Wait, what's that?

Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills!

You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me.

Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore? I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right. Dum, da-da-doot, de-de, deet How much? 500 bucks. Done. Zapp Brannigan okay? No. 600.

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they? Oh, they're great.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out. So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers. Call me.

for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis.

Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out. Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route.

Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Next, assume my social obligations. Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to your robot.

I'm okay with most kinds of violence, but not gang violence. Before we deliver these weapons, we're going to disable them so they can never be used. Bender, bend the barrels. But I love guns! Then pretend they're little human necks. What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

Light hot. Oil temperature rising.

The New justice Team Ta-da! Captain Yesterday?

Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi!

Robots don't say "ye."

Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

Zoidberg, what are you doing here? And what's with all the money? It's my eight million dollars. God gave it to me. Come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money. Loosen up. You can't take it with you. Now, I'm heading down to the casino, and I'm taking my money with me.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

I mean 3,018 rat kidneys. Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are...

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh...

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)

What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek. I need coffee. Okay, heads I look, tails I don't.

But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared. Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else!

it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

900 degrees. Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots.

Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us?

(SQUELCHING) What was that? (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death. But the judge already sentenced us at the trial. Silence. That was just a show for the public.

Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste.

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park. If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

But goin' through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer.

Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at.

This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't... (MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone!

Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up.

Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man? No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here.

Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what?

Looks like everybody's got somebody... except me. And me. Ow! What was that?

Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day. Thanks. They're my inspiration. But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me?

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention!

Gravity normal. Air returning. Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry!

Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action! ...pause! Still rolling. Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen.

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on!

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not. Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor.

The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech!

but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me?

When I grow up, I want to be a diplomat! Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that.

(INHALES) Ah... Much better. (SNIFFS) (WRETCHES) It's even worse!

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa!

They buried your brother in the "World Heroes" section? I'm impressed.

You are all dismissed.

Bender, good news. Your album just went gold. What the...? It's the humans! Bender, do something! Got you, you murderous flesh-piles.

They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait.

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject.

Much rather. What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne."

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler.

Quick! This way. Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Okay. This has got to stop.

Yeah, a role model for how to stink. What? Who are you? jackie Anderson.

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING)

A secluded table, some big giant ants, and thou. Oh! Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so.

April 13. April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?

Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good. (FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad. Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special.

reconstituted in a gorilla body! Catering. Oh-- Ohh. Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid.

Your parents must be so proud. Ooh, sorry. And the good news keeps on coming. Behold, my latest invention. Whoa! Neat.

Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear. It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy.

you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

Halt! Visitors are forbidden. Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners?

We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

All rise for the Honorable Judge 723. Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case. Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over.

Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

I'll save one of you! Oh, honey, I dig you so much. Thank you for saving my stupidly-dressed husband. You're a hero.

Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite. May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator. She's serving up the dinner and the charm.

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun.

Well, I may not have brain smarts,

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

ROBOT HOST: Welcome back to the Young People's Choice Awards!

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch?

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

(SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place!

Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough!

Mother has kept from you for 200 years! No! No! Brace yourself-- for when I speak these words, you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is--

Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter. - What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww.

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

I remember it like it was interesting. I had just built my new shipping and receiving emporium, and I scoured the hardware store parking lot to assemble the finest crew imaginable.

Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital. Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company. Welcome to the world of business.

Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious. Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business.

It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm! Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out.

None of your beeswax.

I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization...

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient! Hmm. He's a witch!

Unless you were already having been going to do that.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you... With my final breath.

Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile. All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp! This one is for the E. coli. Ow!

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What?

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money. 50, going once, twice-- $75,000. Oh, my God. It's Mom.

Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Damn right, brother man. This chronological wang-dang-doodle... could destroy the very matrix of reality. Tate, what do you know about this? Not much yet, but I am senior lecturer in physics at Globetrotter "U" and I'd like to help investigate. You're that Bubblegum Tate?

I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop!

Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos. (SOFT JINGLE PLAYING) Is that it? Oh, no, it's just that ice cream truck that almost ran me over. (SCREAMS)

Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement?

(MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

I've been processing this for some time, Monique and, well... will you marry me? Oh, Calculon!

I got one! Okay, kids. Put away the dust motes till tomorrow. It's story time.

Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink. Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon?

Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

Well, it was a spectacular battle, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. No damage? What about my feelings? Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender.

This is wrong, Washbucket.

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that!

The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe.

I never thought I'd live to see this tree again.

I'm a talentless buffoon! And it's all your fault! Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham.

I need full concentration.

You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned... from my mutual breakup with Sean that was totally mutual,

How could you do this? (SOBBING)

That's my mama.

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail.

My precious head! Oh!

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

(POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life--

YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse.

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

You are my hero.

You know, I just did the cover of the Sports illustrated swim cap issue. Well, you're looking great. Thanks. I wouldn't mind losing a few pounds, though. Couldn't hurt.

Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character?

Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages.

No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is.

It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond.

Please don't. See you soon. I'm sure I've got a great kids' story in me. I just need to think of three of some kind of animal. Concentrate, Leela, concentrate. (TROMBONE PLAYING)

You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness!

Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING) Addendum. The monster won't even know the ship has a basement. Unless you posted it on Facebook, like the last secret I told you. I didn't know that was a secret.

But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS)

Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course.

Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door. I don't need them-- Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies.

Well, let's get looting.

Well, I may not have brain smarts,

He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this.

Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good. (FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad.

What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow.

This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1.

(BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

And then they were gone. We're sorry! I just wish I could have showed you guys how great they were. I may be rich, but I still can't buy back all the things I miss from the 20th century. Maybe you're forgetting just how rich you are. Huh? Huh?

Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming.

Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Welcome to our village.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool. Ow!

Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever.

Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Good evening, Bender. And to your lady friends, may I say, "Bam!"

This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors. So be it. In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw. (CHEERING)

We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying...

Okay, this tech dump has every kind of high-tech communications device. Using all of them, I'm sure I can get a message home. (GRUNTS) There. Finished.

So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

Well, let me explain.

No! We beta males deserve better. When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect, keeping sensible harems of no more than five. And it begins with me. Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach! (ALL GASP) Aw...

Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children!

I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living! Stop! We'll leave. But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom.

Yeah, my week is up, but the shuttle broke down and they're still trying to fix it. But, hey, they gave me two free drink coupons for my trouble. You want to buy one? How about you? Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry. He and I are... What would you say we are, Fry? Nude and interrupted.

Ahh. Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right? (DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time.

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope. Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless.

Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck.

Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy.

Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song. He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow? Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words.

Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig.

Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there. Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years.

Dude, over here. It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared!

Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people.

Why don't you just leave me alone, Wernstrom? Face it, Farnsworth, you're over the hill. It's time to leave science to the 120-year-olds. You young Turks think you know everything. I was inventing things when you were barely turning senile. Go home before you embarrass yourself, old man.

How dare you. You want to understand something? Look at that lake. One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim.

He was my best friend, and I killed him.

Administer the test. Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose!

Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son. Good, 'cause I'm sick of him. (ALL LAUGHING) I'm serious. He's a terrible person.

C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

(ALL CLAMORING) My lucky shoe! Goodbye, cruel me.

Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good. Fry, distract him!

So is our love.

Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that? Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh.

Girls, girls, girls

- Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS) Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

It's the Carcarons!

You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice.

I'm going to count to blarks.

with a tale of bedroom antics the likes of which-- Yeah, yeah, big whoop. No one cares. I got Bender-related news. I'm in love. And I'm takin' all my friends out to celebrate. Let's go live it up!

John Zoidberg. It's been a long time. How have you been? Not too bad. Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. Later, I'll show you the pictures.

Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale. Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron. It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right? Shut up, Zoidberg.

Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop.

Except that we're three miles below the surface we don't have any food and the ship won't work underwater. Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody. The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch.

Barf like a freshman! And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu! Who wants a fish?

Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now. These conditions are deplorable. I swear, I hate every single person on the surface for making us live like this. (GROANING)

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner. I'll always remember this, Bender. Me too. Me too. jerk.

Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in? Hey, the blues.

It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING) When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice. Patience, Clamps, it is my eldest daughter's wedding day. You don't want the Space Pope to see you clamping, now, do you? Geez, I forgot my Pope manners.

- No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices! Counsel, you may address the court on behalf of Earth, if you're ready.

I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate. Searing, searing pain that feels as if it were in a vice. Well, that was rude.

Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

(GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time,

yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD i'm just A love machine and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

Fire up the sewer gas!

Enough, you babbling boobs!

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

You know my favorite part of your song? The part where it ended. (LAUGHS) Then settle in, 'cause that's about a half hour from now.

I knocked it up a notch. Bam! Oh, I'll never recombobulate this ship. When the professor finds out, he'll tear me a new cloaca! Wait. What would the robot do?

You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him!

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip.

Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not!

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human? What's this spice for?

I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"?

Yes! The system works. The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar?

Say that you love me Say that you need me Say that you want me You want to please me Come on, now...

(CROWD CHEERING) He won the nomination! We, the people, did it! It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant. Your insightful nagging really won us over.

We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One!

(BEEPING) I didn't know this ship had a mammoth detector. You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly." (BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy!

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither.

(GASPS) The clam, Elzar. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wow. Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS)

Not in person, thank God.

Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula. Ah, Hermes. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain?

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

Daddy, I love you. (CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for. Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No!

Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people. $30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years.

I can't wait to tell my husband!

No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings.

And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake!

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you! Wha--

Oh, I've never been more sure I was right to deny you free will. Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING)

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender.

Yes! Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of Creatureism. All life was created in its present form 7,000 years ago by a fantastical creature from outer space!

Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Ta-da! Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad!

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new. What an exquisite day!

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor. Why aren't you fixing the boiler? Schedule conflict.

The big brain is defeated.

All right, break it up, you two. That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford. You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time.

Yay! And the crowd goes wild! What prize do I get, cash? Hey, look at Nibbler! Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented. You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages.

So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No.

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it. For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch. It was Leela. She beat me to it.

Turanga Leela and Amy Wong!

Geez, Bender, you're scaring me. You're going wacko. You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense! My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror. Phew.

Off you go, apparently.

Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger? Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned! But we still have one hope, my big televised debate!

Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot?

I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go? Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel--

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

(VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until...

We're getting nowhere slowly.

It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins!

Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham. What brings you two here today?

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here.

Either way. (WHINES)

But I'm not done vomiting!

Look, outdoor theater. Let's get tickets. Oh, let's do. No, it's the ceremony of Claw Plock where my species fight to the death over matters of honor. Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble. They don't.

Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah.

The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

I'm dying. (WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me.

It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace.

- Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh? Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt? Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives. How was your day? Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less. Hey. He's lying.

Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending.

Poor? Aw, crap. Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family. What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm!

Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww! Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck?

You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing. Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing.

Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

We can worry about that in the morning.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING)

This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big. I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass.

We're in here too. Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum.

(2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES) My God! It's full of geezers.

Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

Oh! Then the answer is no. Once a robot comes here, he's mine for all eternity. Now hit the bricks. (SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort.

(MUTTERS) Fry did it!

I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal,

Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats. My great uncle once saw a rat. If we don't keep them busy, they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner. Let's go.

it's critical that you locate the source of the music. Ready to go to sleep? Almost. Can I have some milk and cookies first? Yes. In syringe form. (BUZZING) (GROANS)

The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature. I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness. So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg. You were saying?

And above all, have fun. Chicka-dan-dan! Get on down! Oh, yeah. Drop another barnyard bomb on us, Vanilla Corn. Yo, fool, it's Mixmaster Festus.

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie. Make it an implosion.

Let's see who this so-called butler really is. (THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (SPLUTTERING) Ah!

Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses.

Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Leave him alone.

Hey, I've got one last thought.

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning.

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so.

Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

All right, here's the plan. Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everyone else, take five.

Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again.

Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff,

In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp

You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes.

Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps!

Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes. Pass. So telleth, Bender-- What hath happened to your body? I hocked it. Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Same reason you hocked your teeth. Ah, booze money. I remember my body.

Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas!

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed.

For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar. An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rat's nest... called television once and for all. Let me see the script.

There was Candy, the raunchy by-the-books navigator, Lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift, and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics.

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that-- Who is that godlike figure?

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality. Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING)

Calculon's gonna kill us for sure,

I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night?

I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Whoo!

There must be people somewhere.

Oh, go on! W-Wait a second. If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

Yes, but your body stayed on message and that message is, "Look at my shiny new body." The robots ate it up. You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe! Give me my body back, you two-bit thief!

What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray!

Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand.

Okay, here are your jerseys. No, wait. Here. No. Wait...

And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Sorry, ladies. Employees only. Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots.

Maybe we should stick with people we know and trust. I mean, Flexo's great, but-- Flexo's great, you say? Oh, well, that's good enough for me. Welcome aboard, lad.

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie?

Hang on, Mom. I have another call.

Oh! You know Elzar? Hmm.

Plus I have to use the phone to...

Wow, it hasn't changed in 1,000 years.

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

Sounds boring. Oh, my, yes, but not this year because my latest invention is unbeatable. Behold... the death clock. Simply jam your finger in the hole and this readout tells you exactly how long you have left to live.

This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

Oh, Fry. In exactly 10 seconds, the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger. You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand. Comet kaboomination in three, two...

Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while.

No chance, garbage-can face.

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times. Leela, that was great! Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it! And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it."

The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you. Give me that.

Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age!

Fry and Zoidberg shall fight to the death for the claw of the beautiful Edna! But I don't want her! Once invoked, the sacred tradition of Claw Plock cannot be taken back. It is a recent tradition, only 18 years old but it is a tradition nonetheless!

(EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING)

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6.

Aha! Go, Professor! Lean back more! Ow! Come on, Hermes you could out-limbo all of these people. Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened.

This experiment will determine what food, if any, the alien eats. A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.

The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Uncle Vladimir!

Here, eat some now. No! I said eat! Come on! Mangia! Sorry, babies.

Washbucket full.

It's Mom. I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies. Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale. What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me. How much do you want?

I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant!

(LEELA READING)

I'm getting reports that cities across the globe are being destroyed by this noble invader, whose good looks are apparently discernible across vast distances and through solid metal. But wait, the leader of the attack is swaggering out of his ship and up to a convenient nearby microphone.

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it.

Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then. Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins! Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide.

Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that. Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake.

(SCREAMING) (SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING)

No! Get away from there. That's it!

I'm simply looking for a female swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material. You and me both, brother. Ah, my old scuttling grounds. Let's pull over.

So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium?

- Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors... and casting people who might be looking for someone to play a preacher, I welcome you! The bride has written some vows... that we will now all pretend to be interested in. Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time...

Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

One, two. One, two, three.

Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English?

Don't tell me how to spend my money. 50, going once, twice-- $75,000. Oh, my God. It's Mom. I've never seen her in person before. $100,000. Fry, you can't bid against Mom.

banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is... Now, stop getting slapped and power up the twit-worm! (POWER SURGING)

We commend the body of the great Hamenthotep... to the abode of the damned. The damned good-looking. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral.

But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy, that doesn't make it right. We have no idea what the long-term effects will be. And once that genie is out of the bottle... I can cure you, too. Okay, I'm in.

His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air. Him pending para un bending. Oh, Qbert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you. What is it, a competent employee? I doubt that very much.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

Gumbercules? I love that guy. It's that jerk from the truck stop. Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps. I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology.

(CLEARING THROAT) Imagine, if you will... Oh, God. A gigantic spherical generator, one that could provide unlimited energy because it's essentially in perpetual motion. (SCOFFING) Young lady, have you been drinking? (CHUCKLES) Well, yes, but that's not revelant.

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you.

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

Mr. Funny-Bunny here will gauge your reaction by bombarding your brains with harmless snuggle rays. He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry. (FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. You know-- 1966?

A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo.

I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh?

Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy--

Burning garbage.

Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk!

- Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose.

Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature. I just wanted to get rid of it. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolemite,

Let's kill him ourselves.

(SCREAMS) I know! Let's outrun it! - There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP)

the great taste of Charleston Chew.

I love you, Bender. Versus, Billionaire-bot! Yay!

And that's how you play the game.

If we actually pay it, we can keep the building. We just need $11 million.

What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops. Those delightful birds with their chirp, chirp, chirp and their tweet, tweet, splat.

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry.

It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back! Ow! (GRUNTING) That was not worth $3,000.

But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you! I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought. I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison.

Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

I don't cook much since we moved out of reality.

Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

(GUNSHOTS FIRING)

Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry.

Shut up! I said it first! ELZAR: Bam! Also, ow. Oh, my God, it's celebrity chef Elzar! Hey, Elzar, I've just recently started always having dreamt of being a sausage-making champion. Can I get in on this? Sure, I don't care. You bring your ingredients? You bet!

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

D'oh, man! Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh! Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me.

(EXCLAIMS) Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything,

Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope. There, now, for the first time,

Let the interviews begin. Good luck, everybody but Zoidberg. My primary duties? Well, I assist the Professor in whatever important research he happens to be engaged in. (SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away.

You did it, Fry! Yep.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

HERMES: Listen up, people. As long as nothing happens for the next 15 minutes, our insurance will be reinstated. So, let's just sit quietly and run out the clock.

But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime. Whoo! Calculon, you'd be fulfilling this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy. Of course I would. This top makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude?

Yes, please. Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap.

One! Blast off!

Whoa! Whoa! Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this!

Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies.

Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice.

One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do.

Everyone, listen! Damn! I've devised a way to save you and stop global warming at the same time.

I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy. AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved.

Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose.

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

I say. What's that in your crown? You mean the Andamooka Opal? That's the most precious gem in all the... Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb. Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown.

- Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

(CRYING) Stay off my turf!

What are you up to?

I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass. Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use...

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point.

Oh, that's right. Get lost!

All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure. Eww!

Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. (PANTING)

Tell me, Zaxxar,

And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there.

Next year in jerusalem!

(SCREAMING) (LOUD SLAMMING)

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.

Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together. I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape?

All right, enough of this.

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains. Initiate space/time transfer! Hey!

Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you.

You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate? Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice?

Hey, sexy, I'm Bender. What brings you to this tacky soiree? I'm the bride. Oops. How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me.

What about my service?

making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man. Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Put me in, Professor! I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?

This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS) Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03?

Mmm. It stinks. But, um, I do like the tiny doodles in the margins. Oh, that's just some relish from a hot dog I found. MAN ON MIC: Attention, ladies and gentleboys, the costume contest is about to begin. The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING)

Welcome to Jurassic Tank.

Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out. I don't know which I'm more-- enraged or disgusted. I'm just out there making us ladies look good.

But first, fold these two sweaters.

I'm in misery! I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me.

Oh, honey, I'm home! (DOOR OPENING) Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed.

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him.

Oh, yeah. Second place! Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS)

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too. Hey!

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here.

(BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true. Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama!

I've just been under a lot of stress lately down at the plant, you know? They're bringing in computers to "improve productivity,"

Aw, man. My great photo only made his ego bigger. No. No! Oh!

Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

I am not familiar with this concept of gender. My species has only a single gender, known as "neuchacho."

(ALL CHOKING) Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains.

Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship?

A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less.

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one! Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years. So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies.

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield.

and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door. Submitted for your Emmy consideration, a popular senator with unpopular ideas.

Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast. Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents.

As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil. Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh.

Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral.

This court will now hear some very sensual testimony... from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela. Go yourself.

No one will ever want to mate with me. Not with a puny claw like this. Did you see those other guys? They look like giant claws with bodies attached. At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right!

Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone. Shouldn't you be steering between the comets? And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter.

Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) For Rigel 7 and all mankind! Or a Victorian circus freak... I want to see the real you. No, Daisy, don't! I tried to warn you. I'm hideous. To me, you're beautiful.

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh!

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING) Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now?

Him pending para un bending.

Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age!

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know.

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for.

Leonardo! You're alive? Here? You've learned my great secret. I was but a visitor to Earth. In truth, I am what you call a space alien. Oh! It's an honor to meet you, Leonardo. And may I say, you were great in Titanic. The Beach...

Shut up, God! Beg pardon?

With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas? Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch.

I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

Bender, do something!

This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender.

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds?

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Stop exploding, you cowards!

Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please. A little more. More. Keep going.

(CAR STARTING) (TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great.

Would I have to have been born right before your eyes? It wouldn't hurts. Hit it, rubes! (CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here! Eh, I'm still working on that one. (GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate?

No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together? You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive. Wa-hoo.

The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with-- Here he is! Come and get him!

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what?

(WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands!

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded! I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs.

Don't worry, Daddy. It'll be okay. Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can? This sounds like a job for--

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor.

Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Great banda of Uganda! We can vote against it!

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop.

I don't have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry. I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday.

All right, all right, spare me your life story.

What? Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us.

They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

Howdy, folks. Come on in. Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING)

Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook?

Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down.

(WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful. I mean, look at your mother here. She's so gorgeous, you hardly even notice the tentacles. And if you're worried, you can always move down here with us.

You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't... Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did.

(BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie,

Bye. Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar.

on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile. All right, Professor, let's do it.

calculators transformed into Scud missiles. There's nothing we can do. Woo-woo-woo, woo-woo-woo woo-woo What's that, Seymour? You walkin' on sunshine? He's trying to tell us something. Maybe he can lead us to Philip.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh!

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut. Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on!

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom.

He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can.

And boned. I suppose there's nothing left to do but move out.

Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number?

Your intruder, Mother. (EXCLAIMS) That is one skugly critter. (GRUNTS) I'm not an animal, I'm a mutant being,

That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh.

Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34!

I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease.

He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine.

But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired.

But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo!

Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months.

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

Santa Claus is coming to town. All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun.

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

What? Then how come you always scream so much when you're in danger? I never said I wasn't a drama queen.

(SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish. I lance her every few months, but she always grows back. (WEEPING) It's hard enough being a Cyclops, but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated.

Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. (BENDER GROANING) You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks.

Hmm, sporty. Wow! Look at all this filth. It's not filth. It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century. Look, a real beanie baby.

Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra.

and don't you come back to work until you do! No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word.

Holy moly! Lady, you don't know me, but my name is Abner Doubledeal. Wait, I know you. You're Abner Doubledeal. I brain-scanned those little nose-pickers during your story, and, sister, their enjoyment glands were squirting like Broadway road kill! Aw! They were? Say, you seem like a smart mark. How'd you like to make it into a TV show?

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Howdy, doodies! What's new?

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded! I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs.

Sure, you say that now. So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man. I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels.

I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died. Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting.

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

Soon your trousers will slip the surly bonds of Earth and ascend to the heavens. I'm gonna blast that balloon! No way will I let God get my pants! Nobody messes with my pants! Not even the Holy One, blessed be He.

Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender.

But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you!

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots!

Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans. I'll try to keep that in mind.

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

(SOBBING) Thanks, Tissue Ghost. DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore. This is Walgreens brand nose paper. Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake.

Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.

Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you. Their loss.

Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg!

I have something for you. A remote control? You got me a TV? No, my dearest. It's the remote control to my heart. It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. Will it work on my TV? We don't need TVs. We have each other!

No autographs, please.

I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool. Where are we ever gonna find a lawyer to take his case? I'll ask the head of the A.C.L.U., once he's done singing. Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night! Howdy there. I'm a lawyer, and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle.

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same.

I don't know, Fry. I think I'm too poor to follow a band around in a van.

What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable.

Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No!

Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read. What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force.

Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic?

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

(YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal! It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get? Well, that depends on what one of those things is. That seems like a fact worth knowing.

Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"?

It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new club record, I'll eat my hat. (BELL CLANGS) (BUZZER) 0.4 seconds! A new club record for shortest ride. Told you! Yee-haw! Still, someone should eat the hat.

I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him.

What the-- I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper!

Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage.

Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb.

Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they?

It's an insult to you, boss. Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my fund and kicks-in' my back. I'm greasin' up my whoozits. Whoa, whoa, Clamps. Not yet. Let's just keep an eye on him and see if he does it a couple more times. You're looking good to Flexo tonight. Quit makin' with the googly eyes. You know that I'm in love with Bender.

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can! As for me, I design mansions, then live in them.

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Hold me in your arms And let me be the one

Good night, sweet prince.

Well, what's it like being a lawyer for the mayor's office... and also the world's strongest millionaire? Well, baby, for starters, you need to be honest all the time. Good evening, Bender. And to your lady friends, may I say, "Bam!"

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

And may I say, you were great in Titanic. The Beach... That's Leonardo DiCaprio, you blockhead! (GROANS) Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said.

So, Elzar, what will you be cooking for Morbo to devour with his mighty jaws?

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp! - Really? - Whaaa--- Aha! I was using that! Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech. You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect!

Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S. Identity confirmed. Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room. 7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

Out of a cannon into the sun.

I am so, so sorry for what I did, and I know I can never make it up to you. You don't have to apologize. In fact, I came to thank you. I think you mean hit me.

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING)

I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time! It looks pretty authentic. You bet it's authentic. See this scratch? I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang. FRY: I have a scratch, too.

You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing.

Have you reached a verdict? Indeed. After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as... Wait. The Donbot is innocent. (ALL GASP) Calculon, who is that escorting you? Yes, who? My personal trainer,

You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe.

I kid, I kid. Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do.

So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat. Intruder! Stay away from the mighty Femputer. Guards! Time to override the C.P.U. and reprogram this femputer.

Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos.

Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens.

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men.

The package is going to Long Long Island. Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps.

MAN: Shut up! (WINDOW SLAMS SHUT) But the technology to save our planet was lost.

Good news, everyone. Remember when you asked to see my family tree? ALL: No. Ta-da! This is my ancestor, Philo Farnsworth, inventor of television, and as a bonus, childhood obesity. And here's Dean Farnsworth,

Do you think what I did was wrong? Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do. Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did-- Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy.

I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you it won't be A stylish marriage I can't afford A carriage but you'll look Sweet upon thE seat

Aha, Leela, we meet again.

I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all?

Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it. I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election.

I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive. So, Fry...

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children. We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting.

Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING)

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

Well played. Ows.

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy. Yes, sir, Captain.

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat! If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive.

Shh! Oh, sorry.

Good news, everyone.

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back.

You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family.

fry, throw in the towel.

Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING) I guess what I'm saying is, the next time you almost die, I want it to be as my wife. (GASPS)

you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. (BENDER GROANING) You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. It does sort of class-up the place.

And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it!

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool.

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle!

Look, flowers, and a boat. Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

Ugh! All this heat has rendered me parched. Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata.

Hey, come on. Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race? Duh, yeah!

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive. Tangled-up Christmas lights.

We can definitely escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam. You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things.

But wait, there's more! We've got a whole lineup of inventors tonight starting with that up-and-coming young star Ogden Wernstrom. Boo! More wine! Distinguished members of the academy I present to you the reverse scuba suit. Observe.

Eins, zwei, drei, vier, lift your Stein and drink your beer!

I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind!

Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning? Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out. The Galapagos finches eat parasites off the tortoise's skin,

That's basically what I do every day.

It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home!

What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien.

Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

At my age, it might as well be 200 feet. I'd never make it! Come on, you can make it! You can do it! Well, let me think it over. Let's go already!

This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon!

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed.

Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews. But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other. I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

"Come on, come all," he said. "Step right up!" "This sounds too good to be true," I thought. He said I looked like a smart young man. "So, is it a deal?" I inquired. Two hours later, he was gone with 60 of my dollars, but I had the Miracle Cream!

Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair.

(BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY) (YAWNS) Safe and sound. Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected.

the court finds polygamy constitutional.

6:30? Maybe she's stuck in slow traffic. I know she'll come. I know it. I really thought she was gonna come. I traveled a thousand years forward in time,

They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender.

Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both. You lazy runts. Don't you get paid for making the toys? Who said "toys"? Toys? Someone said "toys"? False alarm, folks. There's no reason to make toys, since Santa judges everyone to be naughty.

(BABBLING INCOHERENTLY) (SIGHS) (APPLAUSE) Amazing. You move like a young, roach-infested Gene Kelly.

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus.

Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff.

A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of Creatureism. All life was created in its present form 7,000 years ago by a fantastical creature from outer space! Bunk! Oh! If your elitist East Coast evolution is real,

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls.

Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere.

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see.

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back. What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew!

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria.

Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep. I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks, and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery?

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men.

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp.

Professor, Amy and I are concerned that... Oh! (SOBBING) Aw, what's wrong? I just want my parents to love me. God, how I hate them! Of course they love you! Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that.

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No. Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem.

(GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk? I'm kind of busy.

Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you?

Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here.

Let's pick up the pace, people. At this point in the actual war, the death toll was 98 million.

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did,

You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

Unless you have another invention up your sleeve. Hmm... How is this going to get us to Boston? (EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money... Please don't leave.

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

The quickening!

Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it. MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive

Hey, come on, you keister-meisters! Eins, zwei, drei, vier, lift your Stein and drink your beer! Ich bin ein never! (MOANS)

Oh! And for dessert, cherry throat lozenge jubilee. (SNIFFS) Mmm...

Brace yourselves, everyone. We're entering the interior of Fry's nose. We're at finger alert five. Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell.

What a class act. Sold! To the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction.

with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was.

but you'll look Sweet upon thE seat of A bicycle built For two

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell!

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets. (SCREAMS) Mars is being blasted out of its orbit. Fry, you noble idiot.

Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong.

Ick! Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here. She's right. I mean, sure, they got the Braves but it's a third-rate symphony. Fry, you half-mad, half-insane maniac be reasonable. Don't you realize that if you stay at this depth your body will permanently adapt to the pressure?

Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment.

Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot. Fry's not here. Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor. Fry went to the party?

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

(CHUCKLING) (ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry.

Oh! If only we had a toboggan. Faster! Faster!

Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow!

to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there. Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera. Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry!

It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING) (MUFFLED YELLING)

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

(SCREAMING) Bender is falling! Whoa!

Everybody out! So, do you guys know about anything else going on? Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad. Where did it all come from? Don't tell, comrades.

So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit!

Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence!

Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that.

Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all!

No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top. And she had a beautiful, scaly tail and I think she had hair extensions. You're simply hallucinating, you moron.

Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you. Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal.

You could hire us back and he'd never have to know. Hey, guys. Oh, uh, hey, Fry.

I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

I'm actually gay.

What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment. In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors. This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over.

My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep.

All life was created in its present form 7,000 years ago by a fantastical creature from outer space! Bunk! Oh! If your elitist East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes? We did find it.

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested.

The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short, our Sith Overlords! Yeah! Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity. ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

The Hubble telescope. Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future.

Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy. That's nice.

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING)

I don't know, well... Let me think about this. (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty.

Everyone, this is Francis. Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check.

(GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad

We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist.

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please.

Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters! Eins, zwei, drei, vier, lift your Stein and drink your beer! Ich bin ein never! (MOANS)

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police.

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem. Exactly. Now, enough about who is and who isn't a Chinese skank. We're just two happy couples on a double date. (YOWLS) (GRUNTING)

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly.

We now commend Fry's body to the ages. He's walking on sunshine now.

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo! Pss! That's not scary. It is if you're a laser printer.

An omen? Dinner.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it.

(GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"!

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself! (CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst,

(EVERYONE GASPS) What's happening? Did you kill it? The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy. Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us.

Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator. Kif, just trust me for once. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops! (SPEAKING ANGRILY IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Okay. Nighty-night.

No! I was about to close the deal!

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

(PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING) Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise.

That's more than most water-skiing squirrels get. You really think I have a chance? Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out!

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail? Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.

You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae.

When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time.

And that's that.

Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home.

and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared. Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry.

What's this spice for?

Thank you. You know, when I was first asked to make a film about my nephew-- Professor Farnsworth-- I thought, "Why should I?" Then later, Leela made the film, but if I had made the film you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film.

Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof...

Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

Uh-oh. I'm terrible at parallel parking.

(GASPS) I found it!

You guys are dating?

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out!

Times two, carry the one. Oh, you sad, worthless human.

I don't want to make you suffer through this with me, so I've decided to move underground to the sewer. I'll miss several of you, but I know it's the right thing to do. Please, don't try to contact me down there.

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words. I would like you to apply for Bender's old job and cozy up to this Fry, his best friend. Yeah, and then I'll introduce him to my best friend, clamp number one! Sorry, toots.

We're not from around here. Hello. (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here,

What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice. Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear.

Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry.

graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me. Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall.

I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

Really? This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard!

I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator.

I am going to get you so many lizards.

It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room.

Last one holding the bandanna is the new leader. My mother always said you were a loser, Fry. Now get out there and prove her wrong. Beth said that? Ahad. Steim. Shalosh!

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages. Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point!

Nice turnout, Calculon. That Oscar is practically on your mantle. I just pray they like me half as much as I do.

Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go. Can I please just go back to prison? You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper?

Interestingly, the Spidarians... are more closely related to our elephants than our spiders! Don't mind us!

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill...

What people skills! She's completely perfect! In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor, she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant.

Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu.

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police. Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape?

We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family.

Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

Listen up, bees. It's Kwanzaa, a time of Umoja. It means "unity". You have to learn to work together again. The crazy tablecloth man is right. It's time to set aside our differences.

Let's recap what's happened so far. As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe.

Well, let's get looting. So this thing's going to destroy the whole city? What the heck is it? Ah, just as I thought.

Wait! No, thanks. Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate.

The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are--

Psst! You're holding the bat upside down.

Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

There's no time to lose. We've got to get Fry back into that dream so he can remember where he heard those tones. Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer. Can't you just dissect my brain? With the building shaking like this?

Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds.

Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends.

Please use the beeps. Oh!

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity! Bender, quit destroying the universe!

that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

(MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

A sausage contest, eh? Sounds like fun on a bun! Shut up! I said it first! ELZAR: Bam! Also, ow. Oh, my God, it's celebrity chef Elzar! Hey, Elzar, I've just recently started always having dreamt of being a sausage-making champion. Can I get in on this?

I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt, which is why we're each going to add one drop of cyanide to the death wheel as it goes by. (GROANING)

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

(GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope.

There. We can make these into spears. And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about?

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine.

Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite. May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator. She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure.

I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry.

Glad to hear it. Aha! Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum.

I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone.

Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable! The brains are weakening. Nibblonians to Nibble stations. Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets.

Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING) (INAUDIBLE)

Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)

When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

'Cause now I can get rich off of you.

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent.

It's all coming together now.

One hundred kilometers. Two hundred. I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich!

All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

I'm sure no one's ever said this before, but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible!

More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity. A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal,

I guess it's up to me to complete the mission.

No! Nibbler. Psst.

You make a persuasive argument, Fry. Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry.

I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry?

Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you? Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried. I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action!

Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

I'm sorry. Hug me, Liubot.

Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist.

$100,000. Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two.

What the hell is going on here? Fry, quiet. Oktoberfest is a classy celebration of how far humans have evolved. You need to be on your best behavior.

A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

(STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose.

I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid. You lost, and you made it look almost half-real. I want you to have this card good for ten percent off at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest!

Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale.

Well, well, well. Zapp, we're out of fuel. And Vergon 6 is about to implode. We need your help. So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not?

Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Urgh! And there's the West Side Pipeway. If those guys slack off for even a second, it could explode. Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING)

Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English!

I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours.

Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves? The space walk. Hey! The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine! The Zero "G." What are you doing? You totally ripped off my routine. You callin' me a biter?

but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich! What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah.

Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out.

Bender, think of the senoritas.

The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew.

Company? How cute! What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance? Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital. Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company.

Zoidberg, this makes no sense. Why are you helping him? And what's that catchy beat? (ROCK BEAT BEGINNING) I'll tell you. Two, three...

Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil! LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada.

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection. (ROARING)

I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters.

Move it, you ugly normals! Whoa! Huh? I'm getting dizzy. I can't walk straight.

Did you say extra-crispy recipe? You know I didn't.

In this pitch-black abyss, life takes on bizarre and horrific forms. So, welcome to the abyss. Road trip! (SNORING) Kill all penguins...

Now to find Scruffy.

It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

(ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

Quick, get in. It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint. Hey, my foot's bigger. Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen? Fry, look around.

Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah! All right! Yeah! (GROANS) (BENDER GASPS)

I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms.

Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy... That's funny. Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.

like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix? For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell... but lead a rich inner life. And also-- Well, you know.

We just need $11 million.

LINDA: We interrupt Hypnotoad On Ice to bring you breaking coverage of the disaster at Hedonismbot's bachelor party. (ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown.

So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time,

It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING) (GRUNTING)

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks.

I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot,

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama...

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves. Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

So anyway, I hope the men have been taking their hyper-malaria pills. Their what? "Their what?" (LAUGHS) That's funny, like a crazy old man. But you know what's not funny? Deadly Tritonian hyper-malaria. Just be sure to stay out of the methane swamps.

Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans? We sure are cheerful this morning.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead.

I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said...

Go nuts. Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute? Go for it, Bender. You know you want to. Well... I'm the greatest!

It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back.

(UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables

You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah! Oh!

No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread.

On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute.

Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500.

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own. Then live on, forever cursed. Each night, your attacks will become more gruesome until one dark night you are doomed to kill your dearest friend. I wouldn't want to be me right now.

Oh, how could Amy leave me? When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites.

Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?!

Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

We are once again of a single hive mind. (CRASHING) KWANZAA-BOT: Oh, yeah. Hurray! Kwanzaa-bot's here to save... (SQUELCHING) They killed him.

Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't?

Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear!

Snuh-uh. You're making us look like jerks in front of the other genders! But you're not really a lady anyway, right? Of course not. Dear Lord, a coaster! The Femmzoil must be sashaying girlishly into your processor! Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway.

Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough. You jerked the words right outta my mouth.

This court will now hear some very sensual testimony... from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela. Go yourself.

You killed Fry.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that!

Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam! So this is Little Neptune. Yep. Every chef knows this is the place to get exotic gourmet ingredients. Among other things.

Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu.

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell. - Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror. Phew.

the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob. MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie.

Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich. I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure.

So far, so good.

No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab.

Tonight the world watches in horror as an Earthling is eaten alive on network television.

It looks pretty authentic.

So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars, you all get to go to some camp? Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.

Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste?

Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian! That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want,

cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name. Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did.

(ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate.

Whine some more, Fry. I really find that attractive in a man. Now, come on, build us a shelter. All right. Fine. Everything else sucks. At least we can have a nice place to live. Whoo! There. You expect me to live in a tiny, little hole?

Ah, close enough. Come on in. Thanks. Here's your finger back. All the coolest robots are in this fraternity. Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again.

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die! How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly.

He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this. Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off.

Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks. Hey.

Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending.

It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots.

Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car.

The Cavern on the Green.

The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item.

Oh, my God, you're Beck!

So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please.

Mm. There's a crack in the hull here. That could cause explosive decompression. Put a sticker on it. Off on your first delivery, eh? You be careful, my little tinkler.

Mr. Fry, are those your underpants? Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs.

Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Hang on, Mom. I have another call.

Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

(RINGING DOORBELL) I shall inform Mrs. Astor that the circus is in town. Your souffle, madam. I shall take it here, under my fork.

Excuse me. I'd like to talk to you. Am I under arrest? Wait. I know you. You're the sleazebag who owns the Ultimate Robot Fighting League. Not anymore. Now I'm the sleazebag who owns the New New York Mets.

If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain?

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

No further questions. Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy.

Good hustle, soldier. Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode. You know how testosterone is. As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do. What's your name, private?

(KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh! Ah, it is just our new Crock-Pot. Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock. We'll see about that in five hours. Halt! From whence comest thou, one-eyed maiden?

Be forewarned. The only sure way to get an "A" in this class is to have lived in the 20th century. Swish.

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no!

Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror. It was self-defense. We are the Cruds, but we're over here. And don't shoot. That crate is a gift from us. - What? - Huh? For real? There's been enough violence on these streets. Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered.

Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror. Uh, Professor... off you go. Pleasant trip.

(CROWD CHEERING)

I'm in tremendous pain here.

(SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages. Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy.

Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman.

Activating ice drill!

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

Who's that singing at your wedding? It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon (WOMAN SQUEALING) Hey. Oh. Piscopo. This guy.

Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

The court orders an immediate public apology. Apology accepted. just don't let it happen again. She means you, you turkey of the sea!

Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin!

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING)

Welcome to Jurassic Tank. Picture time. Everybody get together.

Woo-woo-woo, woo-woo-woo woo-woo What's that, Seymour? You walkin' on sunshine?

Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan--

Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania!

You're one to talk!

Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes! Fine. I'll be back in a few days.

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor.

No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone.

Welcome back, Lord Nibbler, Ambassador to Earth, home world of the pizza bagel.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy. That's so sad. I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat.

Animals, attack!

What does this have to do with the anchovies? I'm getting to the freaking anchovies.

And perhaps this will wipe the smiles from your faces. Goose goes up! Rejected! Growtreant from half court. Yes!

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No!

(SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him!

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record.

These new hands are great. I'm gonna break 'em in tonight.

Thursday, baby shower-- enter. Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet?

Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster. So the answer's yes. Hey, hey, way to go, way to be, way to shoot. Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi. An alibi, huh?

All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing.

So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

(BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING) (SCREAMS) Something's wrong! Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings! (YELLING) It's not responding! Command Center, override! Override!

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all?

How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? No! Please! I can't shoot you.

But that is so what I would've done.

Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop.

The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield, are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way.

Uh-- Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here. Yeah. It's pretty romantic. I mean platonic. Th-That sure is one platonic view. Fry, just be quiet. I'm beginning to think this whole fake fiancÉ thing was a terrible, terrible--

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout?

I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

This is preposterous.

Uh... Close enough.

(ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah!

Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly. But just when it looked like they'd never win... They didn't.

They think they're on a romantic holiday. Humans have been vacationing in our habitat for years. In fact, Leela's been here before. When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment,

And last week we sort of broke his window. All right, all right. What do we do when we break somebody's window? Pay for it? Oh, heaven's no! We apologize with nice cheap words. I thought I heard the doorbell,

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

I've got the perfect solution. Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right? No question. So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite.

Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next!

Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human? What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root.

Ow! Oh! Oh! Ow! My eye!

Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams. He heals with the power of laughter. Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now. Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up.

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever!

Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending.

So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick. What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt.

Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

I found some rocks.

Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no!

So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

You didn't show me your surprise.

It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual. Just as I feared. Attack-type J. No! No!

and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING)

My ice cream Manwich!

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry.

Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song.

I'm the monster. (PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went.

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

Sold! Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom. Ah, leave him alone, Leela. So he's going a little wacko with his money. That's okay.

Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets.

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

Oh! Good work, Glermo.

Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes.

And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon.

Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning.

Looks like everybody's got somebody... except me. And me. Ow!

Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby! Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one!

In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop. Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven.

Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic!

And it's pronounced guacamole!

And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome.

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best. It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass!

No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp!

Is he objecting or backing up? Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV?

Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab.

Tonight the world watches in horror as an Earthling is eaten alive on network television.

I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great.

Conrad pulls ahead. And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold!

You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers.

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi! Hey!

Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31.

Yes. Lots. (SOBBING) Nurse Amy, the anesthesia. Smell you later. She's out.

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

And now, to raise this beautiful new flag, a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner, Dr. John Zoidberg! You're a nice man, Nixon. Dr. Zoidberg, how's about you take a bite of the flag for tomorrow's papers? Oh, I couldn't.

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure.

All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient!

How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight! Whoa!

I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind!

Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here.

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh? - You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot.

It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like--

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Good lord! That sucker's shakin' round like some fine imported booty! Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHING)

Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again?

into a beautiful, eternal quantum singularity. You don't need to kill us, Planet Express Ship. Because... I love you.

I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age.

It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation.

I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving (SCREAMING) What the hell is that? Nothing. I'm not nothing. All my life, everyone's called me nothing. You have a boil on your butt that sings show tunes with you?

I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please.

I love you, Bender. I love you, too.

It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING) Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

But don't take my word for it. Unbiased-Reviews.mom says Twitcher is the killer app. And when I say killer app, I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow!

a picture of yourself, in a boat, on a river. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. And it's flowing down the eerie canal to The Scary Door. That's "eerie" with two E's.

Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no! You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything!

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable.

Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living?

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head. Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say.

Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived.

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science. Oh, no, I've got it, too!

Some sunny day oh, keep smiling through

(SCREAMS) How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? No! Please!

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing.

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy!

Stop acting so stupid!

Right up until my third heart attack.

I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy. That's so sad.

(HISSING) (CRYING OUT IN FEAR) The male butterfly. It's gorgeous! Let me get my butterfly hammer. Bender, no. That park ranger explicitly gave us a vague warning. Look, the hammer's already out, I got to smash something.

(BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all.

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly! (ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each?

But my favorite app is called Twitcher.

Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender?

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger! Ooh, me next! We just got one of these. Rejected!

Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone! Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag,

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

What? She didn't move down there? Then where is she? That's what I called to ask you. Well, you didn't! I've got to figure out where Leela went. I just need some kind of clue. Ow! (GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from?

Okay, it's your turn.

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll. Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat.

Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans! Whoa, whoa, whoa. A toy Bender had free will, and the real Bender didn't? Pretty cool, eh? It makes you think.

I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes. We have bigger problems. This time disruption is extremely serious.

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

He's just a poor, misunderstood....

What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah!

You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

Now remember, while you're in the dream, it's critical that you locate the source of the music. Ready to go to sleep? Almost. Can I have some milk and cookies first? Yes. In syringe form. (BUZZING) (GROANS)

If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker. So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon!

Bite my shiny metal ax!

Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9-- A world where humans are killed on sight. Why is that great news? I'm glad you asked that question, Fry. You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.

Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies? (DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys. Ooh! What's got into him? He's twitching like Zoidberg when someone mentions the word "food." What now?

Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true.

Shut up, square!

The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) It's not Walking on Sunshine. It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown.

You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food. Right, Boxy?

I'd likes to say a few words.

Yeah, baby! 210 proof. FRY: That's all the proof I need. Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no!

So, Gary, what do you do for a living? I'm a banking industry regulator. Really? You know, I heard that banking industry regulations are really very simple. Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions.

but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic.

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Oh! My life is over. I'll never know happiness again. Hello there. Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams. He heals with the power of laughter. Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now.

Er, what? Oh! This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

All robots must attend! Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party-- one of the most social events imaginable? It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots. I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out.

Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me!

Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot?

Unhand me! Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever.

What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth...

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day.

And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks. Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry?

They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants. Speaking of nasty irritants, what's gonna become of Cubert? Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry. He's been safely abandoned with his godfather. Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time,

But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants.

Okay. I'm insane.

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender! A surprise funeral for me? We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered. Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor.

Okay, then. See you in a week! Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go. And, Zoidberg, you can replace Fry. Hooray! I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine!

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

I need moral guidance. Bender?

My God, one of the hundreds of contradictory prophecies is coming true. I should've known better than to trust one of Fry's romantic gestures. Every time he says he loves me, I get killed. It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets.

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. You can really see the sugar. I don't know which I like more, original or type two.

Not if I can get you to a better doctor.

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg." Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it? Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will,

What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns.

So they really didn't like it. They hated my acting. Not entirely. I mean, "Worst play in history," there's some ambiguity there. Ye gods! What manner of beef-witted popinjay am I? Well, there's a couple ways to answer that. The scales have dropped from my eyes.

I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location? I may have a burgling familiarity with it. Does the word "Maltese" mean anything to you? The Maltese Liquor,

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show?

But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realize I love Flexo! But-- But-- I love you so much, Angleene, I want you to be happy, no matter what. But what are you sayin'?

Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part?

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Dumb ass. What a nice lady. Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted.

Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too?

Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change?

They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela, your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to. Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

Shut up, Terry.

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em!

Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot?

As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

(GROANING) (CALCULON CHOKING) Now, that's acting. Calculon really Shatnered the hell out of that scene.

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh! Ah... prewar scotch.

(CRACKLING) Who's there? Hermes, is this one of your zany practical jokes? (YELLING)

Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much.

- What if I've had a few? - Dad, you drink? - No, not even then. - All right. My sucker is sealed. In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing this around here.

Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch. Why don't you just go to hell! Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they?

Capital idea, old sport.

What are you doing, darling? Get down! Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Okay, start. I don't have much experience at fighting, except with you guys.

I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time.

"Blood... thicker... water."

I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

I can't believe it. Fry sacrificed his spot for me, and I never even had a chance to thank him. Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever. (ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby.

While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe.

In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING)

On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one,

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones.

You and I are enemies now. Hear my words. I believe I, the most humble member of Action Delivery Team, could do such a dance. (LAUGHS) Surely your hard shell is too rigid. I call on anyone but you to do the peace dance. (GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help. Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate!

And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience. Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen. Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg!

You and me both, brother. Ah, my old scuttling grounds. Let's pull over. I used to hang out here as a larva.

ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four. I-i mean, five.

I have $3 in moldy pennies. It's all yours. That's generous of you. Oh, no, you don't, Mr. Big Jerk! I have nothing to live for, so I don't mind telling you, those pennies are mine. Don't you get it? I'm crazy! (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Go ahead! I don't care what happens anymore.

All right, break it up, you two. That's it!

My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris.

Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off.

Uh, oops! New York is so burned! Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix things. - Right? - I don't know. Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence, those stupid birds will do just fine.

Son, as your lawyer,

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad.

Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal. Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it!

I need something for my friend Leela. just give me your best animal. Best? Well, that's a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail. That's a stupid animal. You're stupid. I said I want the best one.

Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute. You did it, Fry! Did what?

In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week! All right, baby! Fiesta ha ha me MinD on fire me soul on fire feelin' hot, hot, hot Yeah, baby! Yeah!

There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong.

Addition never solved anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home. So I'm doomed to die, and I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer.

Of course. Your people left it so we could escape. I translated your warning that the world was doomed. Not your world. Our world. We put calendar there to warn you not to visit Mars. It Mars that gonna be destroyed. (ALL GASPING) Why you think we so eager to abandon this dump?

Never! A deal's a deal Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa!

Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up.

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol?

Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet. Why can't they go today? Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium. Wow, I love symposia.

Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en?

Yes? Hi? I'm Jrrr, of the planet Omicron Persei 8. What's that? Speak up, son. Don't look at me. You're invading him. I just wanted to know... Well, I'm here to invade your planet?

Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be--

Whoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail? Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you.

Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no.

I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around. Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal? Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop!

Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two."

(RUSTLING IN CLOSET) LRRR: Hmm...

But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that.

After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun.

Bender, meet Fast Frank Brogan. Daredevil engineer dies in the crash of Old '88. Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell. I once got drunk and ate my big toe. Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor.

Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called...

Next up, contestant number 36!

No! Get away from there.

I've got it! We're in Rome! Don't be stupid. It's a long-lost mathematical code. I'll need to consult these ancient writings. Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha!

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

Wait. What would the robot do? Frame someone! What up?

Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens?

Is it a kind of hair spray? No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check.

This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin.

(GRUNTING) I am Drrr, doctor of the planet Omicron Persei 8. It appears you may have ingested something toxic. Open your mouth and say "ahhhh!" Ahhh.

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

Good news, everyone. The Clone-O-Mat is ready. Yea! Whoo-hoo! Finally! Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session.

but it went exactly like this. Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients.

Bring it on, baby!

What are you doing here? This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop!

destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world.

All right, let's set it up and try again. There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return?

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump.

Now that is irony

HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

And... action! Stupid dumb coma. Coulda been British. Alas, that mine only son... should sink into an irreversible, permanent... coma. Permanent? That's completely out of character for Antonio. I'm getting up.

You can talk! You can talk? How ironic.

Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow.

Fry? Where are you?

It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor.

Hey, get a load of this pathetic 20th-century TV. What's wrong with it? Well, aside from causing eye cancer these things had a lousy, low-definition picture. That's true. On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute.

FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

(AUTOMATED VOICE READING) Also, you have a rectangular mass in your colon. That's a calculator. I ate it to gain its power. You locate Inspector 5 while I slip into my ass-kicking feet. (GASPS) Sweet file-not-found of Puget Sound. His record's been blanked.

It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son. Who are you again? It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree. Quit squawking, fleshwad.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about?

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos.

But we've earned these days off. We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery. Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then. See you in a week! Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go.

Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there. Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years.

Okay. Don't panic.

even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts.

He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry?

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One. Two.

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

I'd like to thank the preacher-bot for the introduction and also for not circumcising me again, am I right? (ALL CHUCKLING) Twice was enough. But seriously, today, I'm not just a man-bot,

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting!

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE)

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

Cool. It's just like the good old days. Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged."

Okay, the audition's all set up. Where's Calculon? And who's this goomer? (WHISPERING) It's me, Calculon. (GASPS) Okay, just sit tight till they call the fake name I made up for you. Mr. Derisgreat? Mr. Ben Derisgreat? (WHISPERING) That's you. Knock 'em dead.

Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot!

I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead. She lives... no more. But let us all find comfort knowing that she truly loved me.

We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness. Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine. Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it!

No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you. They're pretty good at that. Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake. Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand.

If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

the professor retains the fiery passion of youth. Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would.

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

You look beautiful, Mom.

Actually, they are. Confidentially, I might not make it back to my apartment tonight. Could you walk Nibbler for me? Uh-- Y-- Uh-- And bring a baggie in case he drops a steamer. Have a great night!

Good morning, class. I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare!

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter?

Back in the 20th century, we had no idea there was a university on Mars. Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636.

We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them!

Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me.

Well, the doomsday device is ready.

Look how ridiculous they look.

I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us.

Will you push me? I already did. Thank you!

(GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

Happy Kwanzaa, brother men and sister men. Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in. Kwanzaa tradition encourages educational gifts. So I brought Dwight my book on mathketball. Whoa! Let me see that. I'll sign it for you later. Man, it's a cold one out there.

That underground pyramid isn't a pyramid, it's a rocket ship! It was worth waiting five hours to hear you finish that sentence.

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance.

And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert.

(ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh! Ahh!

Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf!

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING)

Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope. Ooh! What's that funky jazz? The odor of pure time leaking.

That's true. By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical!

On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what?

Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with. It's the waiting I can't stand.

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

yeah, We got A little ol' convoy ain't she A beautiful sight come on and join our Convoy ain't nothin' gonna get in our way wE gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U.S.A. Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs?

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him.

You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice!

So, you see, the putrid, waxy substance I was coated with Was-- Not precious ambergris! Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place. Ta-dah! Using that, I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry. Oh, Kif, it's so romantic!

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me, but our mission is not complete-- not so long as Robot 1-X torments me with his obvious superiority.

You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth!

Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight. Oh, yeah, you women's libbers really know how to party. Psst, there I am.

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together.

Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump

(GASPS) I can't believe you came! The Beachmaster'll kill you if he finds out! Also, who are you? I'm in love with you! And I don't care what he thinks. Here, I brought you something.

Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry. The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure.

Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box.

Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell.

Versus, Billionaire-bot!

That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right. We'll use your invisibility to pull off a daring and complex casino heist. Of course, because no one can possibly know what I'm up to.

I'm not going. Re reither! Would you do it for a Bendee Brew? Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic. MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got love in my tummy And I feel like a-lovin' you

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe.

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES)

Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet. You know, romance is an important part of our work too. Right, everyone? Yeah. Sure. Do any of you collect Lovey Bears?

I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire! What the... What kind of crazy fire is this?

Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps! No, no. Line?

it's good to be home. It sure is. By the way, I saved your stuff. So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet.

I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh?

I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it.

...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy. I could take him or leave him. I'm back for my son! I've come to take him and leave with him! (GASPING) She beat you to both things!

Way to overact, Zoidberg.

Why would Nixon stay at the Watergate? They give you a discount if you've been here before.

Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

What are all these pagey things?

(SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it? Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years.

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into...

Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it! Great Shatner's ghost! We demand that all TVs be equipped with a B-Chip...

He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry.

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass. The robot has to go. Yeah!

Well, now, this calls for a celebration. (MEWING TRIUMPHANT TUNE) (ALL GROANING)

Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

Well, we're bankrupt in six, five, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) four, three, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business. Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope.

I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms!

I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford. So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot."

Whose confection will achieve perfection? Whose food stuff will be the good stuff? Challenger-er Bender-er! That's my robot! I own him!

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What?

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War.

That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez.

Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

Maybe they can help us. But they could be meeting anywhere. What are we going to do, search building to building? FARNSWORTH: We'll start with that one. Alexander Hamilton of New York, how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it.

Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

And I'm Bender, baby. My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side. Oh, shut up! Amazing. I've theorized that carbon-based, fat-filled life could exist, but until today, I never had any proof.

Maybe that planet over there has a drive-thru.

You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back!

Now which costs more-- the parrot or the stink lizard? The lizards are a buck each. The parrot is $500. That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards.

say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay.

We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out. I don't know which I'm more-- enraged or disgusted. I'm just out there making us ladies look good.

That does not fempute!

Aah! Brains! Fear not, Mighty One. Your missing brain wave makes you invisible to them, so long as you avoid intense thinking. Uh, sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention. - That is most wise. - Who?

All gone. Can I drive? No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together? You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk.

So I hear we've been having some trust issues, huh? Well, for the next week, we'll be doing hundreds of trust falls from every possible height and level of gravity. Or we could not do that. At the start of every retreat, I like to demonstrate the power of trust by finding a perfect stranger to be my assistant.

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4,

(ALL CHUCKLING) Twice was enough. But seriously, today, I'm not just a man-bot, I'm the luckiest man-bot alive. My mom may have abandoned me, but I have the greatest dad in the whole universe. He's patient, he's not afraid to show his emotions...

And that leads to... tragedy. Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen. Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next.

My days of joy and luck are over. Guess I got to quit that club. I can't believe our Leela's gone. You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children. Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman!

(GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

(GRUNTS) (WHISTLES) You sure take after your old man! I never knew my father. (SQUEAKS) It's not important. What is important is that we get you to Bending State-Santa Cruz in time for registration.

i'M walkin' on SunShine oh-oh-oh woo-woo-woo-woo woo-woo woo-woo-woo-woo i'm walkin' on sunshine whoa, whoa, whoa That-a-boy, Seymour. Right here waiting for me, as always. just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great.

I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that. You're right, Hermes. Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. (SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview? Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing.

We suggest interbreed, become one big happy species. But they treat us like second-class hominid. They drive us from valley, and we end up living here, in isolated crevice. We figure, "whatever." But then we get trapped by encroaching ice age.

Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

Honored guests and Kif, one of a captain's many superpowers is the ability to conduct marriage. So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificent bastard, do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING)

You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello!

(ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and...

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110!

And now, to raise this beautiful new flag, a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner, Dr. John Zoidberg! You're a nice man, Nixon.

I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead.

And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo! Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth,

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots? I'm gonna swim with a whale! They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that. Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts.

Okay, just try to be nonchalant. All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it.

The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going. There we go.

Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam! Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Fifteen. Negative eight.

Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"?

but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me. That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave. Haah! Hmm?

We'll be dead within an hour. All life support has shut down! (BEEPING) So you're all gonna die? Then who'll ghost-write my autobiography? Now hold on. There may be a slim chance of survival. We'll have to split into three teams. Hermes and Zoidberg will crawl through the air vents and restart the life support fan.

(MUFFLED SPEECH) I knew it. I knew he'd get us killed somehow. As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it, such a digestive system would divide a 2-D being into separate pieces! So how are we supposed to eat and digest?

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Identify this guest. Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth. He escaped. Escaped? No one escapes. This guest does not look 160. What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns.

All right, I'll go.

The high gravity must be slowing down his looting. Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

We were defeated in battle.

Hmm. Huh? Planet Express Ship? Is that you? Oh. Hi, fry. Is Bender home?

Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research. Ahh.

Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you. What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys.

"Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again." Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels."

Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella! Galloping gators! You're a superhero? Well, that's wonderful! But did you have to make the costume so revealing?

That's your penis. That's my boy.

This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat.

Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then. Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu. Was his apartment rent controlled?

Come on, we got to save Bender. You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes?

Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate. Sorry, that's Building C.

(GRUNTING) Hang on, sweetie! (ALARM BLARING) What do we do? Who do we blame? We don't blame anyone. We make peace. One word can end this. Then say it. No, you say it.

And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

And so, I set sail for unknown shores. Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner.

(CREW SCREAMING) Behold! The Svalbard Global Seed Vault.

All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion. To Fry.

Yo, flame-o! (GASPING) (ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where?

Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm.

The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING)

Yeah, I'll have a coffee. Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please.

just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me! Hey, come on.

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Fry, I know you're upset right now, but I hope you'll consider donating the body to science dinner. (SLURPING) Here, Mr. Peppy. Mmm, lovely bones.

Oh! They jumped right out of their pants! Oh, what now? Activate glass window.

(SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers? I ain't making drinks for no trashy robo-sluts.

I feel like a princess!

Fry, I'm sorry.

Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking.

Thank you all for coming. I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here. Now, without further ado, a film highlighting Planet Express, Inc.'s...

It is I, Pickles.

They're hideous!

Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month.

Should we sing a song about it? Yes, please.

Sweet lion of Zion.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter.

Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well...

Nibblonian fleet holding at perimeter of Moron Zone, formerly known as Earth. Why would Fry be immune to the flying brains? Because he doesn't shower? The Brain Spawn suppress intelligence by attacking the delta brain wave.

My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue.

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action.

Good night, losers.

Then shut your yaps and back to work

So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins? Well, sure. I mean, not really. I mean, nature will work itself out. It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix things. - Right? - I don't know. Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence, those stupid birds will do just fine.

You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh!

Sentimental drivel poop!

This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted. Come look, everyone.

What the-- I call top bunk.

Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu. Was his apartment rent controlled?

That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza.

Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy.

Now, turn, ye two, and gaze deeply into each other's eyes. What are you lookin' at?

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications

For you, my friend? Anything. My legs!

Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X."

Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night? Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters.

FRY: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the plane's President speaking. We are cleared for takeoff. You put Goofus and Ganja in charge? I'm the only trained pilot here. (LAUGHING) Please, Leela. Who ever heard of a plane with a woman President?

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump

Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING)

Cheese it! VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in.

Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots-- Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them.

What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz. Eh?

So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it.

Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill. Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud...

so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'.

Son, philosophy's for thems what don't gotta work for a living. But me, I got a sick child to feed. So if you want to chat, roll up yer sleeves and do some honest labor. I don't wanna chat.

Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell. I once got drunk and ate my big toe. Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor. Jiggers! I dropped my sexton in the stew. (HORN BLARING)

This is for Big Bertha!

"The British attack has begun. "Cross the river and watch for my signal." I must ride. (HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this. Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go.

Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry. But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out. Yeah, but he might get kind of upset. I don't think I can do that to him. Hey, there's my little space heater.

It sounds too much like those frozen Rocky Mountain oysters on a stick.

Well, this is it. You guys wait here. This is going to kill him more than it does me. Goodbye, boy. I'll think of you whenever I sit on something round. (SCREAMS)

We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay.

Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending. That's right! The ending must not be ruined! We'll go wait in the ship. Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

That's "eerie" with two E's. Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research.

Huh. I guess I am a cannon. (MOANS) Time to prune the family tree. Wha! (ALL CHEERING) Huzzah! I've saved the Farnsworth name. Urgent message for Mr. Revere.

"Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible.

What do you mean I'm not registered?

Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos.

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"?

Oops. Elves are back.

instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!

Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela. Thank you, Professor.

Fiesta ha ha me MinD on fire me soul on fire feelin' hot, hot, hot Yeah, baby! Yeah!

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

Next slide, please. 75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end,

Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back. Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood.

Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know. Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

Ah, now for a dash of salt. Uh-oh.

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

And then we can be marry me?

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry.

Burning garbage.

Come on, Bender! If you're done scamming Beck, we're heading home. All right, all right. Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up.

Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet. Options?

It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car. Ah, here we are. Monument Beach.

Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now!

Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation. Help, help! Fry. I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever.

Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah! I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater. I thought it would fit.

Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello? Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello? What's wrong?

Well, now, this calls for a celebration.

All death spheres have one vulnerable opening.

Howdy, folks. Come on in. Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper

(CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

It's not fair. It's not fair!

Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin, containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

"So, Mr. Conrad, did you enjoy the show?" Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade.

I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison. You really are too picky. Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif.

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

Where are we? Also, when are we?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) As the curtain rises on our verisimilitudinous tableau,

Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks.

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me! Why can't anybody hear my witty remarks?

And so, I set sail for unknown shores. Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner.

Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS)

Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer.

Zoidberg? Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, damn it!

Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right!

Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers.

ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING)

Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against. - That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it!

Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back.

That's why we need you, our loyal crew, to make Planet Express 800% more profitable.

All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar.

It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here. Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug?

Wonderful. No! Central filing?

Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead." Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him!

Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary.

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

only more interesting 'cause it involves robots. That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too. Interesting. You wish to cook, but as a robot, you have no sense of taste.

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one... (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender. Pull in your line, and let's go. Hey, I'm snagged. It's not snagged.

so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him.

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out. She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again, I'm just gonna stay in my room! Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

Frame someone! What up? I'm walkin' on sunshine hmm-mm-mm Sunshine

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity...

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like--

You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged!

And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either.

Great. We're two days from Earth with no food.

Yeah. It is cute.

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

NEWSCASTER: We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

Isn't it time you gave up all hope of ever improving yourself in any way?

Ah, booze money.

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa.

And we'll form a tightly knit clique that you won't be part of! Well, at least I did one important thing with my life--

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out.

All right. Cool your jets, hotshot. Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me? We both know there's something there.

This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating! That's it.

On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet

Well, now that won't do. Husband, show a little Ku'umba and fetch some beeswax before Kwanzaa ends. Sweet candelabra of La Habra, LaBarbara. Isn't this the last night of Kwanzaa? Who the hell knows? Finally, a bee farm that's open late on Kwanzaa. Madam, I need beeswax.

I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

Santa Claus is coming to town.

I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate." It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs!

Well, I guess you should have had two eyes. Just deliver the package, and let's get out of here. Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy. I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING)

Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot! Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

Very nice work. Wait. What? I said, "Very nice work." This is the happiest day of my life. Mmm! Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel.

You know, to become a barber. This can't go on. Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00.

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth,

(WHIMPERING) (SIREN WAILING) (MOANING) Where to, adulterers?

caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered! I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you.

a carnival. Unfortunately, a corn dog bone got lodged in the control panel of the Spizzler and I had to ride it for eight hours. Sorry. But it did give me a chance to think. I'm sorry. And I remembered the last time I was truly happy. When I was with you. Oh.

We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things. Gunnery Chief Bender, blast us out of quarantine. Aye, aye, lady!

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish. (CROWD GASPING) My God!

Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming?

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players. And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

Animals eat other animals.

Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents! Crash landing!

Oh! Stupider. And you go on to say that we're headed for your home planet, where your race has lived since the beginning of the universe? So, how did the universe begin? Then the meaning of existence--

How was the wedding, Bender? Says who? I didn't witness anything! In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant. Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win!

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass.

Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party-- one of the most social events imaginable? It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots. I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out.

(BRAKES SCREECHING) Hey, Minx, we survive this, can I finally get that date? Nah. You know I'm with Benny. Girl, he don't own you! Yeah, but he saved me from my abusive father. Not physically abusive. Verbally. It's a long story I can't get into while we're spinning out.

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

- Uh, will you be hiring? - No.

just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her.

I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner.

We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there!

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid.

I never said I wasn't a drama queen. And the winner of the war is... Let me just cross-check my tabulation here. Factor in the corsages for the widows... Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher! Everybody but me is dying of old age!

Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right?

Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel.

I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now.

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is--

Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof... so we could have a heart-to-heart talk. I will never follow in your footsteps.

You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING) There's got to be some way to stop Bender. Maybe something in the Oracle's prediction that I missed before, due to incompetence.

Noooo! She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like...

Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple!

Amy, you won't believe what happened.

Besting him at acting means more to me than life itself. And we want to help you. Now, your only chance is a classic death scene. One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare.

I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of. Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head.

There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research. I said, "Relax!" Ooh! Ooh! Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say.

I should have told the truth right away. These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, and I was wrong to exploit it for profit.

I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows?

You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

Alexander Hamilton of New York, how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts?

Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks. Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

Oh, God! I'm not gonna get my medals! They're all I have to remember my Olympic career. Wait! I've got it! Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now!

Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam!

I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern.

Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun. Geez, with these...

"the wet willies," "the screaming moist..." We'll form a search party. Now, we'll need oxygen. I got it covered. In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device. Oh, that reminds me. You've all taken your pressure pills, right? Yes. Stop asking.

I think Calculon's falling for you. Ah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. It's just a game. Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you!

Huh? Pooh! I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive. - But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela. in every life, we have Some troubLe.

My fellow fish monsters,

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know...

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother.

Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

No. No! N-O-O-O!

(NIXON HOWLING ON TV) (TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway. If we want to breathe sulfuric acid and get our heads torn off by giant lizards,

Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

Of course. I had the same idea. i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go? Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out. Oh, you!

I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight?

What if a paper were to land in a puddle? Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

Get rubbery. Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead.

Wait a minute, mammoth meat aged for 30,000 years? Prize-winning sausage meat, here I come!

Will you come back again and tell us more stories, and also adopt us all? Of course I'll tell you more stories. I'll go think some up right now.

Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

That is so true. I may not be able to change the laws of time and space, but I know something that can.

LEELA: Oops. I can't make out a thing.

will be to grow into it, just as God intended.

Daddy! Don't let her take me! Get your lack of hands off my boy! You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child! Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still less unfitter than you. Says who? Says this document you gave me when you tried to abandon Ben first!

You little runts froze me! You took away my life!

Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair!

Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate. Keep it on the news, put him on the defensive. Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING)

(GASPING AND CHOKING)

5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

Stick to the oath. Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars.

Still, to have your own pool. I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now, let's see if I can make just one good one. Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING)

It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils.

Forget it, you flimflammer. I can smell a scam a mile away.

Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh!

Well, if it's what you really want. It is. I know it is.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, my good friend, Calculon.

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened?

Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

All right, let's go. It'll be just like stomping a puppy.

I translated more Martian symbols. There's a way off this planet. That underground pyramid isn't a pyramid, it's a rocket ship! It was worth waiting five hours to hear you finish that sentence.

"Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud. Look! Coupons!

I can hit it with a shovel.

(SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief. (SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right.

Oh, why, daffodilS.

This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news.

You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw...

(SQUEAKING) When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice. Patience, Clamps, it is my eldest daughter's wedding day. You don't want the Space Pope to see you clamping, now, do you? Geez, I forgot my Pope manners.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me.

This is going to be the greatest career resurrection since Jesus, Aloha from Hawaii.

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected.

Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry.

Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing...

Hey, big lobster

I am one hungover cryogenicist.

You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away. These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, and I was wrong to exploit it for profit. I'm as sad as an upside-down smile. You mean a frown? We didn't have a word for it, until now.

A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

(SCREAMING HOARSELY) Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

(ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING)

I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit. Thank you. No, actually, I did mean to offend a little. This is awful.

(BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish.

Once again, Eternulax The Immortal, dead at the age of 26.

I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up. You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu.

- Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine.

I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night! Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle.

That's an order, soldier.

the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad. Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them!

Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream,

It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian news. You probably didn't see it.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family.

Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did.

A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

I guess this is goodbye. It's okay, Jrrr. The week I spent hiding in your closet, eating your turds, was the best week of my life.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Mushu, the educated whale who thinks he's better than you!

But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere.

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin. Stop, this is cruel and inhumane.

A missile would go right through it. But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks.

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray!

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic.

This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin. My ebony splendor? Me don't think so. I said hand it over. I'm hungry! (ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy?

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal? He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together.

There is. Get in, Nonchalanto. Bertha, no! It would kill you! I have not so much time left anyhow. But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life!

Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades. I promise.

To shreds, you say.

This planet is controlled by two rival gangs, the Blips and the Cruds. You can tell them apart by their colors, red and blue. Which gang's red, and which gang's blue? Both! The delivery is going to the Blips. So when you meet them, you'll want to be wearing these jerseys.

I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no.

He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy! Earth will come to a stop, and... Half of you will cook, and half of you will freeze. Earth will be one big McDLT. We just got that commercial last year. Oh, yeah, smarty paws?

Yeah! All right! Yeah!

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp--

Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade. (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle

Who is he?! I'll kill him! Who's my favorite robot?

You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever!

If you want to steal my girl, you'll have to fight me for her.

The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick.

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

(SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories! When the Feds bumpkinized him, they completely wiped out his old identity! (ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that, but who am I to argue with a man from the sky?

Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said. Let's try again, but this time, everyone cram into my time shelter. Wow.

Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING) Whoo! I've never felt so energetic!

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there. Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian...

Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim--

Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this. We're saved.

You are so adorable. Who wants a ham? Zooka barooka! First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food! Five hundred dollars, you say? Dog food, you say?

(SNAKE HISSING) Watch out! What brings yous to this part of the isles? He's gonna eat us!

Oh, no...! Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie.

Float like a float-bot, sting like an automatic stinging machine. Bender, you can't be an ultimate robot fighter. It's the most brutal form of competition in the galaxy. It is? There are no rules. Two robots enter. One robot leaves. Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner.

(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) The whole adventure was just a training exercise to teach you the value of teamwork. (CHUCKLING) Hmm. I should be mad, but it worked pretty well.

it's shareware. Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Welcome, friends. How may I pervert you? I'm looking for human horn. Shh! You're not cops, right? Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez anyone?

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain?

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now.

you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed! Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you?

No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough. Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient?

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim.

I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings.

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

I don't believe that story.

Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

Behold! The Internet! My God.

Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story!

Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born.

I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh? Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera!

Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place.

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

(SNORING) Hey, I was watching that! The Saints just needed a field goal to tie! Lrrr, you lazy ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! You said you would conquer a planet today, but you have not even shed your skin yet.

What is the matter with you?

Don't worry. The fat pig will do fine, thanks to this flabbo-dynamic spandex bodysuit I've designed. It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees. Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years.

They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender. We grew fat and domesticated. (MEOWS) Thousands of years passed, and our home world was nearing total destruction. (CATS MEOWING IN AGONY)

Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year.

You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What?

Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world.

(SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

His legend lives on!

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

insanity... uh, integrity.

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was. Yes, there is, Bender. Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend.

I feel better about myself!

Hey, let's go car shopping. My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs.

So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star,

So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood?

Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek!

So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot.

I say I shall join her. But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me. How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner?

Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early.

Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing? Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time.

Man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Yeah, and Fry and Bender can go with you. You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie?

Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you?

So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip.

Hold still, damn it!

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared?

A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.

Ooh! A reception table with muffins! Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the ribbon-cutting ceremony of the DOOP's magnificent new headquarters a fitting home for an organization that has fostered peace throughout the universe-- even between the insectoids and the space lizards.

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious.

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God! Mutate! Mutate! Mutate! Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name?

What? That? That's just my personal musk. You'll learn to love it. I know I did.

What do I look like? A de-bender?

What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

It will soon. That's why you're supposed to be setting off a bomb! Yeah, yeah. But I can't pass up a chance... to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time. Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus.

My God! The senile old man is right! Do you mean him or me? - Him. - Oh.

Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as...

Just clap your hands

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop!

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental...

Meanwhile, I have a plan.

Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Leela, a little help is nothing to be embarrassed about. Like, maybe I could do your makeup. I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself. You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso.

And that bloodbath takes them to next week's finals against our reigning champions, the Murderflies.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Aren't you going to watch over your young? Tortoises don't do that, do we? I sure as hell don't. Anyway, I've done my part. The species is saved! (ALL CHEERING) And so, the survival of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured.

Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate. Keep it on the news, put him on the defensive. Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING)

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you?

The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress. Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah. Wait! I'm trying! It weighs as much as a thousand suns.

Okay, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen. "Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible.

That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention?

I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action!

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece! Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed...

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been? You nearly missed elevenses. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Who's for tea and shmavouries? What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says.

(SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical.

But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that. I know exactly where you left your ship.

One, two! one, two, three!

Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation. I thought our love would last forever.

Don't mind me. I'm just saving you the trouble of throwing me away. Spleesh! Mel out, Bender. Come watch some TV. I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never!

I want to show you the story I made up. That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow.

Hey there's a toothache coming from your goldmine, your goldmine Why don't you come on over sometime And have ourselves a really good time Talk about whatever inside

You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well.

I can't spell anything with these cards.

Yes? Where's that chicken soup we asked for? Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there. This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating!

A'ight. On three. One... Oh, it just got real. So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments!

but if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you to grow up strong and resilient. Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous, I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud. I love you, son.

Yes. Please step aside. Four alarm chili. Four alarm chili. Hello! I'm Prime Minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria. I trust you received my spam e-mail? Nelson, thank God you're here, Hermes!

Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all! Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot.

From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing.

(GULPING) (MUSIC PLAYING) (SCREAMING)

Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it!

If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel.

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. - You speak English? - I do now. Whoa-whoa, whoa!

That's not funny.

You're a crazy, penniless lobster doctor. No combination of you should be a comedian.

What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot. Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper.

Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

(MOANING) (RAPID BEEPING) (GASPS) Vaxtron! It's not what it looks like! But it's very similar to that! My world has been, like, shattered. I hate you both.

The robot. The Zero "G." Name? Cosmic Y. Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves? The space walk. Hey! The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine! The Zero "G."

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

But then it got too hot. (MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING)

Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know,

today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas.

I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point.

Anything is possible in science. Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher. (ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands.

Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

Supplies are low, cannibalism imminent, radio busted. Our one hope is to form a society. Okay, then. Men, let's get hunting. The womenfolk can cook what we catch. No one put you in charge, Husband. I'm the only one here who ever ran a society.

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague.

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome! Lucky.

Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing.

Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin, containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize.

Did someone say something about a free hot meal?

The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

I told him I'd be back in five minutes. Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue,

You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much.

We want our TV back.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

Every other couple has the right to marry. Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING)

Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me. No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent?

The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey!

I can't get any lower than this. I'll say. You're rubbing my ass. Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron.

As God is my witness, I vow to earn the respect of girls and women everywhere. I will become the best blernsball player of all time! That's statistically impossible. In 77 innings, you haven't gotten a single out.

but you've earned my contempt once again.

Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me!

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend.

No one will ever want to mate with me. Not with a puny claw like this. Did you see those other guys? They look like giant claws with bodies attached.

Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh! What a weird dream. I'll never get back to sleep.

Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Now he's flushed himself down the toilet?

Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now!

Stop! Wait a minute, man!

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

Don't hold out on me like this! Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better.

What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun!

Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping?

(BELL DINGS) I hear turkey. Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey! (LAUGHS) Ten more processors for me. Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought.

No! Put that back and turn it on! I was just trying to help. More on this breaking puff piece after a word from our sponsor. ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus,

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys...

Lovely. Just lovely.

(GULPS) I'm fine.

I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked.

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever.

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times.

Ah-roo. Maybe so.

Now, to run it through our high-speed romance-alogical datafier. Beep-bee-de-beep-beep. Beep. Bee-de-bee-beep-beep. Beep. Say hello to Miss Right. Hello. Mmm.

Who says there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter.

Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

I changed my mind!

I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night.

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you. Aha! There's the cause of your illness.

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands. Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse. Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle. Yo! Hero in the house.

Crunch all you want. I'll make more. Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims!

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy.

(SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once!

Vodka with a sardine in it, please. In fact, vodka with a sardine all around!

The smear lines are impeccable. (ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Unlike your Earth zoos, our zoo is a model of compassionate encagement. The animals don't even know they're in captivity. See?

The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men."

Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building!

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes?

Bender! Shut the hell up!

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis.

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw! (PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other.

Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air.

Mm. I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work. Wait. What? I said, "Very nice work." This is the happiest day of my life. Mmm!

I recorded a demo and shot a video, but then I lost my phone.

Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Still... can't... reach.

No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

(ALL SCREAMING) (BELCHES)

You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING)

Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed.

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable.

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS) HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy!

You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go. Oh, mighty Mayor, we're here about Turanga Leela. You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years,

Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

This is the greatest moment in scientific history.

(BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS) Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song. He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow? Jezebel.

Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human!

Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human!

I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that?

And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven... Zapp Brannigan! What makes a man turn Neutral?

SUSAN: I was never ashamed.

Say, on this exact date, the Continental Congress was meeting secretly in New York. Maybe they can help us. But they could be meeting anywhere. What are we going to do, search building to building? FARNSWORTH: We'll start with that one. Alexander Hamilton of New York, how say you? Nay.

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone. What's happening?

Controversial? Oh, my, no. For this highly Controversial mission,

That's ridiculous! Mr. Peppy doesn't eat bones. I raised him on a simple diet of Brussels sprouts and mixed soda. (GAGGING) At least there's only one of them. The good news is, they can't start breeding. The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually.

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain!

That's not Mr. Peppy. Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us. Why, Major MacZongo, why?

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry.

Eh? Hey! I can't spell anything with these cards.

Oh, loosen up, Amy. My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.

There were no survivors.

Okay. All set. Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out. Go nuts. Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute? Go for it, Bender.

Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers. Yeah, remember who your real friends are. I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all. Pharaoh Hamenthotep approaches!

- Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years! Psst. Oh, very well. Your attention.

Hey! What's with the flying jerks?

Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up?

who blasted Commies in the American Revolution. Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft.

We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time. My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow. Men are very rare in our society.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically." You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now.

That's what I came to see. I want to go out and jump around like an astronaut. Screw this phony stuff. But the phony stuff is what's fun. It's boring out there. Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria." Maybe I should take Fry on the Lunar Rover Ride.

Futurama is brought to you by Arachno Spores, the fatal spore with the funny name.

Did you do that, you cute little-- Come on. That should be more than enough fuel to get us out of here. Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

Remember me! Remember me!

Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business! Why, you--

Behold once more the mighty Clone-O-Mat, requiring such vast amounts of electricity... that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself!

We don't have long.

At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!

(SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here. (WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS)

Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete.

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep! Come on, Nibbler!

Who are you? I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life.

I wouldn't want to do that again. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there.

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will. Well, I'm rich.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

AMY: Hey, I found a safe.

And she doesn't even want to cuddle anymore. She just wants to hit me with various chairs. You're lucky. I can't even get Leela to verbally abuse me.

This guest does not look 160. What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here.

Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous. Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family. Great. First he steals my body, now he's touching my stuff.

On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever! Fire!

Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00. This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub.

Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

Stop, Shabba-doo, you're freaking me out.

(SIGHS) (SCREAMS)

I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants! Mutants! They're real.

And the winner is Nerdgasma! Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING)

Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

With courage in her female baby smile A savior from the stars Or something stranger still Or just a lonely filthy starving child Amy, Fry's looking at me. What am I supposed to be feeling?

Come on, universe!

Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia?

A new era of justice has begun. What?

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day.

In the belly of the beast.

What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed!

(ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance. But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now.

(CRYING) Yep. Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler,

Right on. Say, you got any real soup, or just this schlock? What a horrid bore. Ooh. Huh? Far out. That head gave me a total head trip! Really? I'm gonna lick Herbert Hoover's head. Lick the head! Lick the head!

She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story.

Schlock and more schlock.

Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces.

That's it over there.

ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed!

Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to associate myself with a true hero. (CROWD CHEERING) Mr. Fry, allow me to present you with the keys to the city! This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock. I think this one's for the knob. The city's in a bad neighborhood.

Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

Your Honor, we have reached a verdict. We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo!

Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later. Can you translate it? Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three. A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy.

Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again. Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk?

I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat. Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle.

Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from.

Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude.

It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella! (BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

(DOORBELL DINGS) Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly. We'll start with Andrew. (GASPS) Yeah, they all kind of broke. So, when do I start?

Good night, employees. Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats.

Got it. Now I'll convert that guitar image to a wire-frame model. There, like so. And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer.

How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo?

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

I call murder on that.

Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado. Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up.

Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth.

But, Chief, this means we're not trapped anymore! It's our chance to take back the outside world from those stuck-up Homo sapiens with their tools and their pants and such. My fellow big-brows! Are you with me? (CHEERING)

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

Well, if there's anything-- I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

You keep it. I'll remember you in here.

Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

Then we'd better hurry. Registration ends in one hour. To the ship! It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son.

So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh? No, they fixed that 900 years ago. just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning... I doubt it. Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have--

I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out.

Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING)

I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox.

Dr. Zoidberg, can I talk to you about Fry? Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me.

Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty. No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human.

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

(YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS) Why? Why?

Fool! A quip about putting me behind bars... would've been far more delicious. Here. Catch. No, Fry! You can't fall fast enough! I got it! I got it! I don't got it!

(ROBERTO SCREAMING) I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings.

Roger that. Activate safety spheres! Also, mine has air conditioning.

No, no. Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself.

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom.

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow!

Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island.

Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg!

Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Thanks for helping solve the mystery. After practicing against five Larry Birds, we're ready for anything. ANNOUNCER: And now, introducing the opponents, six Larry Birds! (CROWD CHEERING)

I'm sick of my head doing things. Leela! Fry, I came to talk to you. No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever.

He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right!

Shut up. Come over here.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

And what about this? Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them!

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say.

instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene.

AMY: It's working. His acting module is booting up. (ELECTRIC WHINING) Wherefore... Verily... No autographs, please. He's still a bit woozy. Rosebud. Won't leave my trailer for less than $40,000. By the Bard's quill!

Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river! Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya? A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape.

Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here? Now, then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht? With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know.

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that. Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake. Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most. We want McNeal! Stop stalling! And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself.

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

You did it, Fry! Did what? People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

We don't know where the hell he is. Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo. Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot. (MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now! (GRUNTING)

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations,

A'ight. On three. One... Oh, it just got real. So real I don't believe it. ...two...

(GRUNTING) Jesus Christ, and his 12 Apostles. That's odd. This hand here doesn't belong to anybody. And it's pointing a knife at James the Lesser! That's the great thing about that hand.

Destroy them. Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it.

I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity,

Behold the dance of peace.

Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be, must be. Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby!

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH) Ah! (GROANING) Man! Pwned again! This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck!

We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return. Odor at magnitude eight.

No. Ah! The gang's all here.

Get that hippie out of the ring!

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog...

But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow! When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad.

I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too! We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot.

You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose.

Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?!

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's.

Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me! Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS) (GRUNTS) (ALL GASP) (GROANS) You guys, again? Ach, these dorkeschoens!

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine!

(GROANS) (BENDER GASPS) He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun!

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew.

Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

(SHEEP BLEATING) Suppose this basketball is the whole world. To many young men in the inner city, it is.

No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp. No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women. But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White?

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English?

Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation. Help, help! Fry. I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever.

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

Look at that. The carts go out full, but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep. But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery. Hey, I like the way you think.

Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula. Ah, Hermes. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you.

Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs.

(ALL GROANING) It may have been a fake war, but my scuffed knee is all too real. I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it. Your wheelchair? I don't need a wheelchair!

We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me.

Dude, where's my ship?

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

I guess what I've been trying to say is we should all be ashamed. Me for my hatred of a mechanical fox that tore up my sign and who I'd like to throttle, and you for hunting an innocent robot. Well, a robot who didn't harm you personally. Today. Probably.

Work faster-- like this!

Of course he's here and not on another planet!

Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

FRY: Hey, why are they hooked up like that? Is it some kind of Craft-matic adjustable death bed? (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous. Their bodies are being used to generate electricity. The idea came from an old movie called The Matrix. But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery?

My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends.

You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News. Fear not the space behemoth. In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all. Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers!

Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

you're cute. You're cute.

What? My mother was a saint! Get out. Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck.

So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world.

Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go!

One, two. One, two, three.

Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady? Don't you wanna help 'em? Not this way. What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all. Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or not, but I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people... who just wanna kill for fun.

I've had that reed for 20 years! It's irreplaceable!

(YAWNS) Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to.

Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree?

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No?

and the first half of a movie. Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um--

(WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

What are you doing to my ship? Sanctifying it. There. That ought to convert a few tailgaters. Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo. We've got to get the old Bender back.

TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Honk! Honk! Bender, no! Fry, stay back!

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

What's with Monstro? He promised he'd give his Uncle Zoid a million bucks to make a movie. I've only been here a day, and already I'm a Hollywood phony. Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz. Since when have you been in the biz?

The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines.

come on and join our Convoy ain't nothin' gonna get in our way wE gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U.S.A. Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger.

Yes, definitely. Mmm, I'd like some of that. Mmm. I'll just have everything on the menu. Now, to run it through our high-speed romance-alogical datafier. Beep-bee-de-beep-beep. Beep. Bee-de-bee-beep-beep. Beep.

If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain? Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it.

(BARKING) Rough.

We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions.

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks! (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)

Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should? Yes, I do.

just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal.

You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home! (BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir! As a professor of science,

Correct. I will be evaluating each of you, and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg. (LAUGHING) Classic Hermes.

- Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer!

(SLURPS) (BURPS) (WHINNIES) It's like a fairytale! Finally, a turn for the better. (CHOKING) Gotcha. This situation deteriorated fast. (HUMMING)

Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

Mrs. Jenkins dissects anything smaller than a fifth-grader.

Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh... Princess? Yes! That!

if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

Nice looking model. You keep away from it!

Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you?

Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet!

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old. We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no! Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment. It's this season's shark-cartilage enema!

Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it! Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents!

I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

He messed up my hair. I'm missing a leg!

Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

(LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. (SCREAMS IN PAIN) Don't mess with Blind Joe. Nothing get past his sense of smell.

No! Get away from there.

I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes. Now that's what I call fine print.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again.

Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing. Those stupid mutants can't do anything. You seem to be forgetting one simple fact.

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who?

My legs! All right, all right.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha--

It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money!

H-Hello. 'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff. Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?"

Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter,

Good night, employees.

As Lord Nibbler's personal chauffeur, I landed him on one of your planet's many rooftops for an important mission. While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion.

Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say?

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag!

(TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING)

Will you marry me?

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile! Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded.

Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies. All right! Why?

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm.

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating.

Daisy, daisy Give me your answer, do I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you

I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best.

A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson? Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh! Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza. You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude.

Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings.

Do I hear $10,000?

No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

So he needs you to cram a Tinkertoy in it.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors...

You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home?

We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow!

Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye?

Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

- Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING)

Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

oof! Why aren't we moving? I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this, the ship moves.

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time.

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh! Ahhh!

What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you?

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me?

Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha--

And here's Dean Farnsworth, developer of the Farnsworth Test for Colorblindness. Where is he, blast it? And just recently, I learned of a modern-day Farnsworth who invented the Anti-Senility Truss.

The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Get a job, you lazy kids.

Aha! Found you. Okay, now you go hide. Nice knowing you. Ahh!

We'll be safe in here. The walls are impregnable, and we have enough food and board games to survive for weeks. We'll be dead within an hour. All life support has shut down! (BEEPING) So you're all gonna die? Then who'll ghost-write my autobiography?

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

but we can't wait any longer. Good-bye, Bender. Wait for us!

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever. Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal.

I'm the academy's oldest living member, you know. These youngsters all look up to me. Well, well, well... look who decided to show his wrinkled face. Why don't you just leave me alone, Wernstrom? Face it, Farnsworth, you're over the hill. It's time to leave science to the 120-year-olds. You young Turks think you know everything.

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned,

Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable! But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out.

(SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers? I ain't making drinks for no trashy robo-sluts. Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters. (GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey!

And this time I mean it!

Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school?

Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

That's your penis.

Welcome, brother. May the blessings of the season be upon you. Yeah, yeah, amen. Listen, I'm one of those lazy, homeless bums I've been hearing about. Could you point me to the free booze? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second, you'll explode and kill everyone here in a fireball of melted gears and splattered bowels!

Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy. Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela.

Ooh! I like the way you hit! But I don't get it. Most women I've met can't even stand next to me without collapsing. What's wrong with those women? Well, some of them didn't have legs. But it's not them. It's me. How do I put this delicately? I'm smellier than a whorehouse's outhouse!

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city.

Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

No. Then... Then...

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there,

Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son!

What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance.

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews

They have her totally outnumbered. I can't believe it. She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her? Oh... I don't deserve this. I feel terrible. You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window.

Here they are, freshly laundered and... (GROWLING)

Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding."

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal...

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS)

(GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us!

But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world.

You'll never have a better chance to take him out. Dad! "Nerd Search '88?" What's this? Some stupid science contest for smartwads. NASA's going to pick one kid's experiment to launch into space. I could make a space experiment. I just got a new thing of glitter. I'm not sure science is your thing,

Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job!

Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear.

Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking!

I think we've heard enough. Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished. Your Honor, the prosecution roosts. (SQUAWKS) Have you reached a verdict? Indeed.

Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter. Okay, quiet time.

Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better? Shmeezus, it's hot!

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check.

Hermes. All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue. Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still.

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown.

I will get you! Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no!

I want you to have this card good for ten percent off at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.

Well? What did you get on Travers? Is he a draft dodger? Sex offender? Sex dodger? Nada. He's clean. I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers. Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar? Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens.

"Come on, come all," he said. "Step right up!" "This sounds too good to be true," I thought. He said I looked like a smart young man. "So, is it a deal?" I inquired. Two hours later, he was gone with 60 of my dollars, but I had the Miracle Cream!

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books.

Oy. I lost another one.

What? And now, my meddling manbot,

Silence! We will accept no more decoys. This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century--

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there.

I don't have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry. I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become.

Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table.

It's a secret, so keep it under your head...

Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here?

Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm.

The female deposits her eggs and the male fertilizes them. Okay, who's next? There's a lot more where that came from! (COUGHS) I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already!

Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect.

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition.

Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, monsignor.

(GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother.

Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

But also sad. Can I be both?

Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch.

Don't tell me to shut up.

Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink. I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

(SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever.

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm.

building up their flapping muscles, but also making them irresistibly attracted to Fry. (EXASPERATED SIGH) The only way to end this madness is for the ladies to quit, cold turkey. Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system. Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right.

It sure was nice of the mayor's wife to have sex with me. Uh? You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself.

(SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil.

Hey, look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with. The Earth is under attack. Can't we just forget about that? Evidently not. Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet.

All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew!

I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song,

Fire! "My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

Misery, what misery?

We can't trust a woman's math. Count again. (ARGUING) Greetings, soft ones. Who among you is your leader? MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is. Curious. You are a diarchic society?

Not bad. Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago. You can't expect me to honor what Year-Ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish. There's nothing wrong with these uniforms that a few denim patches won't fix.

But what about the worms in the other parts of his body?

Oh! If only we had a toboggan. Faster! Faster!

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago. And authorities are now calling his disappearance a homicide. We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you?

On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first--

You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer. Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years--

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

I'd give anything to hear the rest. Anything? Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying-- Anything? Because I can give you new robotic ears. What? You can give me new ears? Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return?

(SIGHS) Fine. You'll get your cut. I don't really care about the money anyway. I just want to show those poor, disadvantaged orphans that they can succeed in life. Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person. Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini

But you're not really a lady anyway, right? Of course not. Dear Lord, a coaster! The Femmzoil must be sashaying girlishly into your processor! Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway. Hello? What?

That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad. (ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection. (ROARING)

Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell.

Our sole hope is to persuade the people of Earth - to abandon their smutty ways. (WHIP CRACKS) So, the orgy's off?

My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror. Phew. For, you see, you are a were-car.

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

(BURPS) That's my bastard.

The traffic jams of old New York were a public forum for the free interchange of opinion. Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man! It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils.

and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority.

Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right. Naturally, we're humiliated. That's why we need you, our loyal crew, to make Planet Express 800% more profitable. We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'. Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this,

Dateline: Paramecium Homeworld. Newly crowned Miss Universe, Gladys lennox entertains troops fighting to wipe out the human race. Go get 'em, boys!

Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh. Mmm... you. Okay, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen. "Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm.

What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

Bender, we have to go. There'll never be another like him.

Mind your own business and get out!

What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him.

A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news?

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

It's a delivery for the Democratic Order of Planets. DOOP? What's that?

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop! People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today.

Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out.

Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama! (GROANING)

Perhaps they speak perfect English, as do we. (LAUGHS) We can't take that chance. We'll need my universal auto-translator.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!

Try and stop me. Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work.

I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it? It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love.

Give me a hug! I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my.

People, as you know, our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us.

Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly.

Now we're slavin'.

Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?!

Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life? My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please? Well, if it's what you really want. It is. I know it is.

Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer. Oh, yeah!

And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue?

Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm.

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too.

You are no better than me, you shifty tree skink. How do you live with yourself? Damn it, woman, you're making me highly Selassie! Don't you talk to me that way, you big, hairy Belafonte.

Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out!

You may want to get it disinfected. Can do. (CHUCKLES) (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

Please don't stop playing, Fry. I want to hear how it ends.

Well, that's my good friend Beck. I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues. Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer. Both our dreams came true. Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram in my van... and follow Bender on tour and live there in the van?

Ow! My small intestine! Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot. Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology.

Halt! From whence comest thou, one-eyed maiden? Uh... Ever been to Peru? Certainly not. I'm from Peru.

(ALL LAUGH) Ah!

Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas! And last, but not least the sweet flower of the office... me, Hermes Conrad.

Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach!

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians.

(SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great?

But you're dead. Can we get you a water or something?

(SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray. It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape.

Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow. This is my home.

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible!

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah!

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked.

I'll kill you! That would be best.

space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman.

Here, take my jacket. You look a little cold. Thank you.

Huh? (SURPRISED CRY)

(CHITTERS) Fry, put these someplace safe. (MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you.

I don't have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry. I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday.

Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location? I may have a burgling familiarity with it. Does the word "Maltese" mean anything to you? The Maltese Liquor, the strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed!

The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants.

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

No, it's the ceremony of Claw Plock where my species fight to the death over matters of honor. Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble. They don't.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future.

Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

(ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse.

(SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING) Hmm. That dinner was a worthy foe.

Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown. Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably. We've got to go back in time and set things straight!

Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

(GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it.

I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet.

at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better. If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard. Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

Sorry you didn't get to mate. But, hey, we can still play some beach games. Who's up for some Twister? No! We beta males deserve better. When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect, keeping sensible harems of no more than five. And it begins with me.

Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible!

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec. "Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile.

I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli, and that's-- Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign? No! No!

I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded. This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works.

Shut your nose. It's just the shrimp cart. (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING) I think there was something wrong with that rotten shrimp. Stop griping. Now get in there, and remember, eat everything in the safe, especially the little metal box.

(EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place.

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second.

We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family. And That Guy understands that. Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors.

I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is? Well, editing is a long and expensive process,

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down.

Maybe we could plotz in that giant cockle. AMY: Shmeepers, it's the Land Titanic, the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed. (WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus. Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye.

I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you?

It's used to it! Whoo! So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing? Poorly! My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

You were ready six years ago.

Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true.

Aw, shucks, Colonel. Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us?

Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies. We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment.

Calculon is a robot, a mere mechanism that can easily be restored to working order. The only problem is we would need his physical remains. Hang on a sec. (SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends.

Huh? Bender! You tricked me! That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much!

Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door.

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me.

Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

(ALL GASPING) For you For you Now that we've got their attention, it's time to hit them where they sit by bending the West Side Pipeway to return all sewage to the surface.

Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock!

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest... while I was still killing them. What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please!

What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999?

But did you have to make the costume so revealing? Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero! We should print up T-shirts.

I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING)

As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor. But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe. Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take. Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work.

Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know. Hey, guys. Oh, uh, hey, Fry. So, as Leela was saying Fry can go shove-- Ow! I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to introduce you to my on-again, off-again girlfriend of the past thousand years Michelle.

every emotion an actor can display. Turn off that crap-o-rama! One mistake now, and Bender will be trapped forever... between the already ill defined robot sexes. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson... about changing your sex to win five gold medals.

You see, when I first went foraging, what I actually found was the smoldering wreckage of the ship. Ignoring all danger, I charged inside to liberate our provisions. So, this is the trail mix Fry gave me!

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody. The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg.

I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg.

I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food. We gotta sell these things. Yeah! Good idea. Bender's a genius! Hey... Business is great. Great is okay, but amazing would be great. Please, don't push.

My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Aw! Also... Oh, Lord.

Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre...

We have a saying up in Alaska. That's all. Senator Travers? Look, let's be honest here. No one likes taxes, but they pay for our basic needs. Roads, schools, defense. If we hope to realize our aspirations as a great planet,

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000.

(LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela! Oh! Ah!

Not if you don't freeze me. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse.

You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell. Hmm. I don't like the looks of this V-GINY.

This is an outrage!

My God! Why would Leonardo's machine have brought us here? I don't know. Let's ask this guy. I am Leonardo. (BOTH GASP) Welcome to Planet Vinci. FARNSWORTH: My God!

Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast.

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers! Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action.

Little Johnny Jensen! Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you. Unless, of course, you had won the award. Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. The stupid professor didn't even show up for me.

I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours.

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

There's a duo here to rescue us! How dynamic are they? Not very. Go about your business, citizens. Well, back to being the subject of gruesome genetic experiments, old chum. (BOTH YELLING, GROANING)

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with.

I must say, I'm so proud to see what you've blossomed into since I first created your ancestors. (ALL GASP) What? I thought you knew. You all evolved from some filth-gobbling Nanobots I designed. I dumped them in one of your ponds a few days ago. But this is creationist talk.

And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine! Apparently, this brave Adonis,

No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable!

They're only a foot high, Professor. Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really. We'll need to speed up their growth... with time particles called chronitons. Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza--

Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS) Hey, you're one of those Earth spies from that Earth ship, aren't you? Are you going to kill me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jrrr is.

Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses!

You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point.

I've devised a way to save you and stop global warming at the same time.

I'm workin' on my song. Hand me the Becktionary. No, no, the rhyming Becktionary.

Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps.

(HORN HONKING) Let's go, already!

Oh-oh! Nerds. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it.

I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already?

Do you think I should eat more butter?

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty.

And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing.

There but for the grace of God. Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time! Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs!

Farewell. Noooo!

This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this.

Fry, it doesn't mean anything.

- Wow, that was great! - Hey, thanks. You a fan? I don't know. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me. Don't take it so hard. I used to miss my body too,

Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith!

This is perfect for me! Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free-- You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!"

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

No! Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse? Oh, I don't know.

Guenter? From Mars University?

Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

(GRUNTING) I'll stay here and be in charge of not dying.

Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot.

On this auspicious occasion, let the Horn of Eternity cut a thunderous blast!

Bort. Of eating right we are very fond when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond (READING TEXT ALOUD)

No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump.

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork?

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One!

You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww, and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on!

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti?

Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire?

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Tribe suffer heap big buyer's remorse. We want land back. Chief, my people are people of law, and that law is... no "backsies." The time for stupid statements is over. Ooh, boy.

Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank. Anyway, Planet Express is still facing foreclosure. There's no way we can raise enough money to save this company. Wait. What about the girlie calendar? Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff...

Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?

Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior. It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead!

What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag?

I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it. Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four.

There! Good as new. Except that we're three miles below the surface we don't have any food and the ship won't work underwater. Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody. The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this.

Ah, time for my precious 10:00 a.m. meeting. Where in Legoland is LeeLa? I'm here, and I'm getting along just fine, thank you. My walk to work just took a little longer today than usual. Nibbler took me through the zoo for some reason.

Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird. Sean was uneducated, unambitious-- - He was pasty and hunched-- - Pretty boy.

that will reflect 40 percent of the sun's rays, thus cooling Earth. Observe. Problem solved.

That was the best Christmas ever. You know I hate lying. But those orphans were so proud of me, I couldn't bear to let them down. (SCOFFS) At least Reverend Pickens had the dignity to jump out the whorehouse window with his pants around his ankles. Who's your friend, Leela? He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

Oh, I think my wrist is broken.

I don't know. I've had cow. Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench.

We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex. Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said

the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger. You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand. Comet kaboomination in three, two... Uh, hello, cuckoo.

Professor? Your standard bending unit is made of an Iron-osmium alloy, but Bender was different. Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me.

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost...

The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites. Let me know how that turns out.

Come on, Calculon, you can't just quit acting. I was never an actor. I was a self-deluded blowhard full of hot air. Maybe I can get a job as a hair dryer. That's good, steady work. No! We like you and your big words. And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other.

Okay, just try to be nonchalant. All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita!

What brings you to this tacky soiree? I'm the bride. Oops. How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Geez, I'd better be a little more careful.

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed.

Of course! It's so simple!

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity.

Ah, Wade Boggs. Goes down smooth.

All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen. Happy now, Gore? Yeah. But I'd be happier if I had a set of lungs. Wait a second. Oxygen levels are rising too rapidly. 10%, 20%, 60%.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed.

Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use?

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along?

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink. You got it.

We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope.

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds. Wait. What about the animals?

Well, we're boned.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

It's forbidden! I forbid you!

We come in peace. Tough luck! Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship.

Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack! Good! That's real good.

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you.

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man! It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots.

I hope they can make change for a fortune. Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard... Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss.

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living? I'm a banking industry regulator.

I think Bender may be telling the truth. Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup.

And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle... Yes! Let's stay there tonight.

Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth!

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body.

(LAUGHING) Now here's Sportsbot 5000 to tell us about two local gals, Amy Wong and Turanga Leela, who have won 15 Butterfly Derby bouts in a row, even as rumors swirl that they're juicing up with the controversial nutritional supplement known as Nectar. Sportsbot? That's pretty much it.

It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner.

Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap. I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack.

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class. Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you.

My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu.

However, you've got the job. Welcome aboard, son. Father-O!

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon. (CHUCKLING) Oh!

It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature? That's right. Fry, meet flame-o. That's not a flame creature. It's your pilot light. No. It's a fire monster from outer space, and I'm heroically saving the world by trapping him here.

It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring. That's a good one. Ow! This "women only" planet is sounding better and better. I'm already looking for apartments.

And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing. And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled,

This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years. It keeps the heads alive, but we don't know how. Why did it give us those hallucinations? Because it didn't! Yeah-uh. Opal has unusual temporal properties.

I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man.

Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Hey, chief someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap. Hmm? Ah. Excuse me, sir. Might I have a sip of booze? I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight. I understand. My God, that poor kid.

Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin! Wait. Hang on. I lost my controller. (SCOFFS) There is no controller. The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera. Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY)

Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me.

It's even a crummy hologram. I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV.

Whoa! Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man.

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you threw an octopus at my window.

Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said.

When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

Right after Bender was there for a workshop. And don't forget that vampire bank where the robot keeps his hero medals in a safe deposit box. Hmm. I think I'm noticing a pattern. My God, you're right! The locations form a perfect shape of some kind. No! Bender was at every one of those places right before the fire started.

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word.

There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day. Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even-- Ah. There we are.

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey. Yes, definitely.

Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go.

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock. Indeed, it's pure diamondium. Um, would it be possible to break off a piece and put it in an engagement ring for reasons that are private? Oh, fuff. Nothing in the universe can fracture diamondium, not even God One and God Two put together.

Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges.

What's that? One of those jefferson Starships I've heard so much about? It's called a van. And in light of the fact that it's not a-rockin', I invite you to come a-knockin'. Wow! Neat! Oh! It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering.

I could have flip-flopped out. I know that. Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes,

when we kiss I see what's in your heart

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults.

How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos.

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. (PANTING)

Written and xeroxed.

I know, let's fight for it. (GRUNTING) Now, hold on there, boys. Violence never solved anything. Then how do we decide who gets the ball? Agnew, show them. (GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now?

Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans.

(ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times. (SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture.

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up!

Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel. Hey, according to the Scab Handbook, that's extremely inappropriate banter. And that's just the way I like it. Haile H. Selassie!

That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire.

We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld. (SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum.

Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't.

But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela.

Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof! Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push!

Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown.

With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest.

It's from the kidnappers. My nephew is alive! And he's in this envelope.

really tore up my insides.

You are now dead.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

My precious head! Oh!

I feel like I lost weight. All of it. Remarkable! It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat.

(GRUNTING) (PANTING) (EXHALES) (ROARS) (SCREAMING)

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

When the treetops are stripped of their leaves Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control.

Oh, sure, you need all your blood. Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter. Okay, quiet time.

Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS) That is nasty! Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you.

Really? My name's Marianne. Hello, you!

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk.

I may not know much about horses, but I know a lot about doing anything for one dollar. If you think bad luck can defeat me, then you don't know my name is Philip J.--

Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going. You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide.

Hey, big lobster Take a little bath with me

That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

I recognize this. It's the 1960s! I did a report on it for my drug-taking class. Hi, I'm Andy Warhol, and you're some kind of marvelous lobster-man. Right on. Say, you got any real soup, or just this schlock? What a horrid bore.

Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction. Vergon 6? This light dinner is over. Wait. What's wrong? The Democratic Order of Planets prohibits interfering with undeveloped worlds. It's a little rule known as "Brannigan's Law." But people already interfered.

- Father! The ledge! - Oy!

when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

(SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview? Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing.

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

beautiful, star-brightened day, friendly blernsball game with chum pals. So pleasant for everybody. Ohh! Hit by a pitch. Take your base. Sorry about that! I guess I needed a few more warm-up pitches.

Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature. I just wanted to get rid of it. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolemite, there's a slim chance it might have survived. So Seymour might still exist?

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him.

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord.

Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really?

I'm tryin' to make a profit here. Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here. - These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility.

What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt. Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look. Aw, that was uncalled for. I'm over here.

Trevi! It's the Trevi fountain! There can be no question! But, Professor... There can be no question! Wow, it hasn't changed in 1,000 years. Okay, everyone, into the fountain.

I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer. Strike! In your face, Leela!

That story was bad.

What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Who are you talking to?

I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough!

Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him.

Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here I suggest Fry give me a nice convincing kiss. Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction?

With a twist. (ALL GASPING) Oh, no. The firing tie. Correct. I will be evaluating each of you,

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon, industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive!

Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage. Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for! Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here.

I'm through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch. There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the mind switcher. Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys.

You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight. I'd rather have one last night with my family. You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us? Wise choice, son. You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs?

Uh, Fry? You're glowing like the Human Torch on prom night. Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks? (ALL LAUGHING) Nice, hate me because of the brightness of my skin. (GROANING)

Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist. But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once.

FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

Failure to prevent a mutiny.

Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know.

Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

Michelle! Baby! Where you going?

That's why we were always too tired to play with you.

See you later, wuv-ums. It would've been nice if you'd told me you were going out with Amy. I'm not going out with Amy. It's just to fool her parents. Hey, you're not jealous, are you? What? No, no, of course not.

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us!

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine.

Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light.

You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah!

I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it!

Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo! Oh. Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here?

(CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

- (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here!

Say, uh, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape. It's about life in ancient Greece and... Sir, the alarm. - I think I better... - Shh! Don't talk. just go.

But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

I work there as a greeter. Your beast was my chance to be a hero again, but the damn thing was a vegetarian, so I slaughtered the sheep myself. But why did you attack me? So I could impress you by seeking revenge on the creature. Us greeters don't get a lot of action. On paper it seemed like a win-win situation.

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead

- Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender

All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead.

(CROWD APPLAUDING) As Mayor, it is my deeply tedious pleasure to kick off the 83rd or 84th Annual E-Waste Recycling Festival!

We love you, Johnny!

I told you dumb apes not to overload it.

Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you!

Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely. However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again. I found the board! Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington. Let's review. Who was our first president? Um--

Bender, four and a half weeks of oil wrestling sounds like plenty. This isn't a lousy reform Robanukah. We need more petroleum oil!

who have won 15 Butterfly Derby bouts in a row, even as rumors swirl that they're juicing up with the controversial nutritional supplement known as Nectar. Sportsbot? That's pretty much it. LINDA: Riveting stuff, Sportsbot.

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans! Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me.

(ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS)

I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you.

They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white Well, we got no beeswax candles, but these scented regular wax candles will do just fine. Girl, those stink sticks are for single women who take baths.

I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancÉ... all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

Come on. It'll be fun.

We are the Lords of Flatbush. Come. The king has declared a feast in your honor. Wow. How did he even know we're here? 'Cause I'm him. Let's eat.

So, Flexo and Angleene had sex right there on the factory floor? Well, at least you got bending out of your system. Yes. I won't be up to bending again for a long, long time.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

(GROANING) (CHOKING) I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great. (CHOKES) (GROANS)

I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side.

(HORN SOUNDING) Was that a horn? Are those the dogs? Is that two caterpillars making sweet love? (SHRIEKS) Aw... You know what it's like to feel hunted, too, buddy? Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me in my final moments and die at my side? And you die first?

Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic! Whoa! It's the police!

Boy, that thing's big.

She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow!

There it is Miss Universe There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara.

We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet. Oh, geez. Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain. But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff.

Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze under there.

Help! I can't swim! Oh...

Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought.

I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback.

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you.

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven.

Oh! Aah! Ohh! Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe!

What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain! Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad. Let's stop off for a malt.

Oh, it's far from a'ight. MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right?

Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa.

You the kind of sap I like.

Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together. Way to go, Professor. The plan worked.

Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four. I-i mean, five. Repeat: four.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

(ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY)

Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

I'm not even legally a mammal. (SCOFFS) You don't know what cold is. I was frozen for a thousand years. You were? Ha! Learn something dumb every day. Live bait. Get your live bait here. Whoa!

Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard.

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you.

Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas.

If I can be just a little better than him, I can slink away with my head held high. It says he once struck out when his tongue got stuck to an unusually cold bat. And here he is trying to make a catch with an oven mitt. It's even a crummy hologram. I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV.

I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings. Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves.

Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere. Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware,

I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word.

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

It appears you may have ingested something toxic. Open your mouth and say "ahhhh!" Ahhh. Good God! Here, take some of this herb to ease the pain. Can you save him? I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep.

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot!

It's hopeless! Abandon ship!

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Blood? Robots don't have blood.

Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am." i'M walkin' on SunShine

I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

This one called me "Mama." Congratulations. I assume Amy is the father.

Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there!

Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air. Him pending para un bending.

Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time,

What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

Stupid anti-pimping laws.

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on!

Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off.

Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh. Back in my old uniform. And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir?

My weight is appropriate and attractive!

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives. I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not.

Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing.

All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me.

So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants. I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss.

Thanks be I had these bulletproof shutters installed. Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

Ah! (KETTLE WHISTLING) Wow. Hold him down while I prepare the antidote. Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast.

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS)

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure. You, sir, have defaced a national treasure.

Is that an invitation?

(SLURPING) Young man, one does not drink from a champagne fountain in that manner. But he's doing it.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry.

That's it? You hate robosexuals 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot! (ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit!

Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

Well, you sure can run something, your mouth! (ARGUING) Silence! Even a young pebble could see your race is divided based on the configuration of your 23rd chromosome. What? You mean along gender lines? Gender?

Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work!

I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle!

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad. Enjoy your outdated format, Grandpa. Nowadays, cool kids like me mash up our own phone-isodes. It's from the kidnappers. My nephew is alive! And he's in this envelope. They cut off one of my dimensions!

you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

What I've become.

Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day!

All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose. Hand me some more of that cruise director. (ALL GASPING) The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

You just lost $5.00. Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants.

of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer,

You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker.

Cruel though they may be, I--

So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head,

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

(LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING)

Ah, Hermes. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet.

I just wish I could convince the others you're alive. You can. All you have to do is wake up. No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream! Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in!

The part where it ended. (LAUGHS) Then settle in, 'cause that's about a half hour from now. Well, Jezebel's heart did wander

I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost.

Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant. Oh, joy!

Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry.

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper?

Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

But it's a fight to the death!

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

I recently upgraded my funk card.

There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps!

Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room. And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people?

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved?

I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company. You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets? Indeed, and we're next if we can't keep it in our collective pants.

You'll have to look sooner or later.

(CHIRPING) Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah?

Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop.

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right. FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness!

Give me the script.

I have golf game in half-hour, so half-hour.

I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God, I loved it. I hear that.

Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that.

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion.

My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed!

You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love! Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl ever to skip through a field of posies. Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab,

It will be mine!

Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder. She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela.

Then, outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Jr. Okay, let's go through this once more from the--

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous.

But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead?

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.

for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus! Oh-ho! I've got you now.

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too. Eight bucks. You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

tracked down the traitor, George Washington, and bravely smothered him with his wig. (MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy. In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies.

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already!

Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood. Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa! I recognize this. It's the 1960s!

So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe... Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly.

And those things never mutated. ALL: Aw! Aw! Now, if you'll direct your attention to this moldy shower curtain, I've prepared a video tribute to the happy couple.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

(SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

It's so huge. How big does one of those things get?

I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh!

What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery?

Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

(SIGHS) Well, I was just airbrushed this morning, so all right.

You guys wait here. This is going to kill him more than it does me. Goodbye, boy. I'll think of you whenever I sit on something round. (SCREAMS)

Terrific. Question number one-- What was your overall business plan? Business plan, uh, yes. I keep it here, right next to my heart. This isn't a business plan. It's an escape plan.

I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

(CANNED LAUGHTER) (DOORBELL RINGS) Nu? Is this the professor's cloning lab? Cloning is a sin against nature! But yes. Follow me to the professor's cloning room.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on! Pardon me. I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl, but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception.

They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones. Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief. Please welcome the original Gerber baby Earth President Richard M. Nixon.

You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees engage rotor. I know how to make love. Here, let me do it. Lousy arm must be rigged.

Are you nuts? If she could smell, she'd smell you! Your relationship would be over faster than you can say... (WRETCHES) Listen to Orange Joe. You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery. Oh, I don't know. It doesn't seem fair to Marianne. But on the other claw, maybe I can't live without her.

Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas! Amy, there you go. Fry, Professor, Zoidberg.... A mighty haul for Bender. Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas! And last, but not least the sweet flower of the office... me, Hermes Conrad.

Bathroom's that way.

(GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No! N-O-O-O! I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning--

Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund?

Whoa, dawg. just cold chill.

No! Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what?

We did it! We're home free! Yes, but... I'm dying. Not 'cause of the turds. Can I have a turd? Just rest. I'm gonna get you to a vet.

Madam, I need beeswax. You sure you don't need a little honey, handsome? Maybe a taste of sweet nectar straight from the hive? (ALL EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) I just need some beeswax to make Kwanzaa candles. Well, that's too darn bad.

You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING)

Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body.

Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze. Okay. Don't panic. I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps.

Got sicker and sicker, and in the end...

Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what?

Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up!

"M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey.

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

It's pizza time!

Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

You! Bending unit!

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it. Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy.

Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Yup, that's what her donor card says. Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING) (BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth!

A package just came in.

There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING)

Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us. Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying.

If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy. Leela, I've made up my mind. Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy. It may take a couple of hours, but... Fry, stop trying to do things for me. Whatever time we have left, just live it with me.

Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh...

The hard part was getting the brain out. Oh, you! So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can!

After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse.

That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of-- Hold me. On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to?

You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me. Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now.

I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead, because I'm going to shoot you in it! Not if I leap in front of your death ray, and I am going to do that. Jumping sound! Ow!

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

(CROWD CLAMORING)

Then later, Leela made the film, but if I had made the film you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film.

You are now dead.

we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

It will if we go back in time and stop him! (COUGHING) (ALL GASPING) Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country! Where are we? Also, when are we?

Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

(SIREN WAILING) It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack.

Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh!

It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him! (SCREAMING)

Read 'em and leak saltwater.

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What?

Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body.

Don't tell, comrades.

Spin it, baby. I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--" Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean.

Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal. Nobody said that.

though gods they were... and also, Jane Fonda was there. The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta! "The Magician"?

You knocked Fox off the air.

There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry. This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days.

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake.

And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Man, these hands do everything but pick your nose. (EXCLAIMS)

but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag. (FLY BUZZING) (GRUNTING)

I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying.

Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds?

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse--

Gentle now. Gentle with the hover dumpster. Ready for processing! What smells like bloody sinuses?

So long, Your Majesty. There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed,

Bender, insert that giant nickel.

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building.

Also, you can't feel the rings. Fry! Shut up and look at this! "May cause superpowers in humans." Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub into your skin? You'd think it would be something you have to freebase. Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"?

Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir. We've gotta bring back the kind of Xmas I remember. Fry's right. It's time to sit on Santa's lap, and hard.

Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

(DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann.

That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him. One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make. At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray! And don't eat it. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you.

(ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too.

He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday! (CHEERING) Thank God most of our fans are huge perverts.

Oh, shut up! You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years.

This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away.

Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work. Not if you'll grant me the same liberty. Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender,

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Hear, hear. Let's put on our new uniforms and take a staff photo for the newsletter. Right on!

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever.

(HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

Let's recap what's happened so far. As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe. This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A,"

Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this.

(SURPRISED CRY) Are you going to turn me in for concealing evidence? Say what? You're my partner, home Fry. Besides, I got my own secrets. Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots.

And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case.

Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

Ultimate robot fighting's a scam, kid. It's rigged. It's a secret, so keep it under your head... but the most popular robot always wins. You mean I'm not a great fighter? I just won 'cause I'm popular? Bingo. Woo-hoo! I'm popular! In fact, you're more than popular.

I'll be whatever I want to do!

Shut up and give me my kidney back!

I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See--

LEELA: Us People Magazine? That's total trash. Total celebrity trash. My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness.

Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING) Ah... Nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning. (CRASHING)

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine.

He's a whale biologist.

The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought. Ah, it's good to be back in one piece again...

What's that? A tattoo removal laser? (LAUGHS) Hermes, you and your preposterous sci fi nonsense. No, this is simply a translucidating ink polarizer. It aligns the pigment molecules, channeling photons through, and rendering the ink invisible.

Let's try him out. Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one. No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one. My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending. If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well

Stay strong, Fry. You're the best friend I have left. And I barely even know you. Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant.

Come on. We'll split a blintz. Wait, give me a chance to defend your honor and then sully it on the couch.

"You're my man." Ooh! So close. I'm not impressed by a guy's message, Fry. I'm impressed by the guy... or not.

I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball?

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet.

But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though.

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all!

Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad. Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor.

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank.

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop. (WHISPERING) Keep going.

No, thanks. Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends.

Shut up! I love you, Fry! No! Fry, having guessed what animal I was thinking of you shall have first choice of weapon. Uh-huh... Ah!

Welcome to MomCorp. Did you find everything you were burgling for? No. I came for a free will unit, and you're going to give it to me. If it exists. Then you got surprised by my swivel chair for nothing. The free will unit was just the fevered dream of a madman I once employed.

Good riddance. What about my service?

Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender.

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed,

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what. I met a fabulous girl and we're engaged to be hitched. That's great, Caboose. Come on in and set a spell.

Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch!

I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there.

We'll be there in five minutes.

Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you. Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero.

The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it.

Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah! Oh!

Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men?

Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING)

Does it really work? Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

Ooh! Handsome and Esquire. I'm Turanga Leela. My crew and I are from Earth. So what brings you folks here to Doohan 6? We just released an endangered animal back into the wild, a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS)

I saw him in the kitchen with Dinah. You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square.

Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned,

If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines,

The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING) What the what? Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift!

Give several reasons why. For one,

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through!

DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing? Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you. And to make it up to you, we're killing the Professor for you so he doesn't die horribly from hyper-malaria. He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots.

I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing! Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking.

I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

Host man, host woman, I'm having a wonderful time.

Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy. Monsanto presents... the Goophy Gopher Revue. Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor."

Well, good night.

Well, Bender, I guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life. (CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something? Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (GRUNTS)

I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news. You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail."

Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops. Whoa, whoa! You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor.

I'm a genius. Ow! Ow!

Einstein was right. Why? Why? Also what and how? MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose.

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Can I get anybody a beer? Sure. Ah... Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle...

Your Medicare dollars at work. Halt! Identify this guest. Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth. He escaped. Escaped? No one escapes.

I'm looking for human horn.

Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares.

As for me, I went temporarily insane... and wound up here, making pies out of shoes. My story's a lot like yours,

(ALL SNORING) (THUD) (ALL EXCLAIM) What? Huh? I guess we're here. Let's make the delivery. FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes! The ship did everything? But we didn't have an adventure.

Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

We've come a long way, baby.

There is one way, but no, it's too horrible. Nothing's too horrible for my boy! Well, I could install a bending card. But you said he only has one slot! Correct. I'd have to remove his memory card. He'd be able to bend, but he'd lose all his memories.

You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot.

I'd like to cross-examine the witness. I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not? Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes.

Don't wanna talk about anything else

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal.

Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

it takes 10 seconds to recharge. There, it's recharged. Ah... Again, again. Question? What if you had a special moment that you wished could go on forever? Could the Time Button make it last as long as you wanted?

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit!

(SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping.

Thank you, Bob Barker.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil? Well, I got a label for you, pal-- an ugly little word called "prejudice." I'm not prejudiced. Aw, save it for the cross burning, Adolf.

See you in a thousand years.

(CRYING SOFTLY) Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Also, good news, everyone!

What a lovely face. We just need to draw attention away from the eye area.

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa! Get away! Come on.

Ah... Again, again. Question?

I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy. So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do?

(HORSE WHINNIES)

No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay. Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING) Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela.

Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff.

I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes. We have bigger problems. This time disruption is extremely serious. Damn right, brother man. This chronological wang-dang-doodle... could destroy the very matrix of reality.

Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really?

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth!

Clack. Thanks for the help, Leela. Leela, we're right here! I'm not deaf. I just have to wear this stupid eye patch. Does it look stupid? No.

Gentle now. Gentle with the hover dumpster. Ready for processing!

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction! I was referring to Adam and Eve. We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth. (ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team.

It's Mr. Peppy. I'd know him anywhere. Huh. So apparently, Major MacZongo and Mr. Peppy were each doing about half the sheep-killing. (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me! In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Okay, let's just get in, get out and... Now what? Now we wait for nature to take its course. How long does it take to pass through a moon worm?

Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee.

But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you?

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

Come on. What... Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy!

considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago.

People of Trisol it is my honor to present your new emperor. What up?

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

(SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave... at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery, buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe. So that's where my clover is.

That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show!

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

No, we're sorry, but there's just too much that fossil can teach us...

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe."

Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes! Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies!

Scruffy, a janitor. Why aren't you fixing the boiler? Schedule conflict.

I also offer video poker!

We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists.

Oh, stupid TV. Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

(CHUCKLING) Oh!

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh! The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect...

Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network? We were about to fire him, sir. Silence, hack! We've been monitoring our Nielsen families carefully. And during the 12 seconds Bender was on-screen, viewer eyeball focus was up 90%.

(SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

This is a witch hunt.

Yo, dawg, we're a crew. Well, that solves that. If we're gonna be co-workers, I gotta be straight with you. I've been emotionally scarred by years of unspoken verbal abuse. I'm Zoidberg. Nice to meet you!

Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five I don't feel well

The odor travels past this coffee stain here around the olive pit and into this cigar burn... and this appears to be a-a... doodle of myself as a cowboy.

(ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered?

Whoa. A real-live robot.

No dog food for Victor tonight. Okay. The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000.

Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away

What did you do now? Stop doing things.

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face!

(ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home! (BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir! As a professor of science,

What do you mean we, mammal?

The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac. My nose is an aphrodisiac?

Bye, Bender. I'll miss you. Oh, go on. Get out of here before you get caught. Bender, good news. Your album just went gold. What the...? It's the humans! Bender, do something!

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again.

Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts.

Duh, duh, duh! They went this way!

No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa!

The walls are impregnable, and we have enough food and board games to survive for weeks. We'll be dead within an hour.

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat.

We're back, baby!

Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car. But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

Dishes, dishes, dishes Cleaning up the dishes I'm a singing busboy. No, you're not!

Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

No, it's not! (MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet.

What's going to happen to us now, Dad? Well, I reckon we'll just sit around this campfire a while. But then what? Only a fool plans more than a few centuries ahead, Son.

How should I know? Just shut up and wait.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

I don't like the looks of this, Mr. President. Shall I switch it off? Negative. Rosemary, release the Surgeon General. ROSEMARY: Get in there! Ow! It's bright out here. Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed. Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim.

Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

So, what do you think? I know you spent a lot of money on this place, Fry but it's awfully primitive. The floors are made of such hard wood. Hey, get a load of this pathetic 20th-century TV.

Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win. But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you! Please rise for the national anthem.

And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec. "Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you.

Ahem. For my next trick, notice I have nothing up my sleeves... and nothing in my head. So, if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me... with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk--

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party.

Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends.

(DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann. (GASPS) Eureka! It's the elusive missing missing link. This will show Banjo, once and for all. ALL: Yeah!

How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore. Congratulations. Nice work. Way to go, squishy!

Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo." No offense intended, my filthy friend. In fact, why not join us and ride the space rails?

Let us handle this, weirdie.

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right...

The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat. And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Good-bye, cruel world.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

Notify his survivors. B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der!

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose!

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

Get ready, Fry. I'm going to rip your swim bladder out and show it to you. Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational!

Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner.

Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot.

To many young men in the inner city, it is. As it spins, it's producing an enormous magnetic field. If we could use that field to generate electric current, we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on.

Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle?

Begin again with the crushing!

download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo. Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies?

Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor."

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right. This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies.

(SCREAMING) Incoming! Thanks, Colonel. Just doing my job, ma'am.

What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender!

Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file. Yeah, well, I did open the account over a thousand years ago. What about my A.T.M. card? Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

Big Bender starts right now.

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

What the-- A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh. Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl?

Let me at it. I'm gonna pound it with this chewed-up old stick. No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot. What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox.

I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot.

Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right.

you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama!

I've got just the thing. Genuine Miracle Cream I bought from a traveling salesman. "Come on, come all," he said. "Step right up!" "This sounds too good to be true," I thought. He said I looked like a smart young man. "So, is it a deal?" I inquired.

Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working.

(SCOFFS) There is no controller.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund? Ow! We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans. Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. No, we can get jobs. But we just had jobs.

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there. Oh!

This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves.

I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it? It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots.

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness.

But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway.

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

(EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot.

Then I have no choice. And now this part.

And "Put on your good vestments." You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk. It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising.

And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula 25-star General Zapp Brannigan. Hey, look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with.

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation.

You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it.

I don't know if you've heard the news, but it's good, everyone. I fixed my hearing aid. (HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids. In my day, sound didn't travel through space.

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder.

so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

Marco! MAN: Polo!

I've never seen a supernova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova, it'll light up the night sky. Yeah!

Well... Excuse me, sir?

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles...

Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000.

Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again. Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg!

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young.

We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh. Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Urgh! And there's the West Side Pipeway. If those guys slack off for even a second, it could explode.

So just drop it here on this bloody mattress? (SOBBING) Thanks, Tissue Ghost. DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore. This is Walgreens brand nose paper.

Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you...

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww. Hmm. Hmm.

Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends. Uhhhhh.

However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm?

Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa! Ow! Ow!

There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins! What's this? Hermes Conrad is closing the gap.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender. This war is in danger of going all quagmire on me. So, I'm sending you on one last mission.

T. text home? Sorry, boy. 'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate. Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication. Maybe we can rig something up. Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy?

You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi.

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people.

Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew.

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

Nah, don't ruin it. I'm loving the hypocrisy. It's like catching an evangelist in a whorehouse. That was the best Christmas ever. You know I hate lying. But those orphans were so proud of me, I couldn't bear to let them down. (SCOFFS) At least Reverend Pickens had the dignity to jump out the whorehouse window with his pants around his ankles.

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back? No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale.

Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles.

See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling.

(EXCLAIMS) (SNIFFS) Wow. Well picked.

I changed my mind!

Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence,

Yeah, like crap.

Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius.

What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream. (SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff. Who's in the mood to party? Whoo!

this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Well, it wasn't a bad life. If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy. Leela, I've made up my mind. Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy. It may take a couple of hours, but... Fry, stop trying to do things for me.

Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt? That's a stupid question. What matters is Zapp Brannigan is the sorriest captain I've ever seen and I saw the idiot blow up DOOP headquarters with my own eye.

Neanderthals, load catapult!

Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league. Ultimate robot fighting? Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.

Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now. Leave Leela alone. She's leading a perfectly normal life. She's not gussied up, duded out, getting down, or where it's at. Now, run along.

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres. We now join America's most popular show already in progress--

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage! (WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah. Congratulations on your big bust. You, too. Keep it up, and you boys might just make detective. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it.

(DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot!

your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing. Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? I didn't run off.

Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool. I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh? Yes, but there are so many, asking so much. After a while, you just sort of tune it out.

Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit!

NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win.

Got you, you murderous flesh-piles. Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor.

Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin.

Thank you, Secretary of Transportation.

think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

Hey, wait a second!

Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old.

I'm having a poker game tonight with some friends from my old cryogenics job. You guys interested? I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in! Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots.

They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry? Trust me on this. While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world. Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside. Now just read these cue cards.

You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry.

LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING) Quick, take my hand.

But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie. (ALL CHEERING) LINDA: Chris Travers wins the South California primary handily,

Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it.

Hmm. My tux doesn't fit. Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it. Or evolved, one might say. One might not say that. Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy. You mean a man.

- Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies!

What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer. Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start.

On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my planet-- Reload. So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then--

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

(GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

You, minion, lift up my arm. After him!

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Help us, wooden Bender! Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'.

Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now! Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure. Replacing your testosteroil with fembot lubricants can cause wild mood swings.

I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Nothing like a power nap.

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi.

And then I'm-a stab it.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew!

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger!

Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal. Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now.

Maybe if you showed a little interest.

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor.

Dad, relax. You are being so mutant. I found this adorable little bag to wear over my head. And it was on sale! No one's wearing anything adorable over their head. Now, listen. I could never, ever be ashamed of my parents. I'll see you this weekend.

But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn!

I mean, look at those two.

Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now.

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.

I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us! Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders!

And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat. You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

Now we can practice for the big game. We figure, if we can beat five Larry Birds, we can beat anybody. Cloning is wrong. It's wrong, I say! Oh, I just hope that mysterious dragon ghost doesn't show up at the lab again.

Too late. This is more fun.

Thanks to your husband's humanity,

- Well, so long. - Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go! (IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend!

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company. Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something. Hallelujah, baby. Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later?

Tear it down and try again,

being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

(ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry.

Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh! Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey?

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do

former star of TV soap opera All My Circuits. The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing. Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham. What brings you two here today?

Bender, what's going... No!

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it.

Oh. Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your death clock. And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa?

Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd. It's an orangutan one of Mother Earth's most precious creatures.

Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale.

Yea! Bender! We demand Bender!

Walrus don't need no chicanery.

Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks!

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way.

Sure, baby, I know it.

It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories.

Oh, yes, I remember that ass. Let's see. Oh, God, no! It was on board the Floatwell! (GASPS) The ship that sank in that horrible space storm? Yes. I'm afraid your friend's derriere is lost forever in the depths of the Sargaseous Sea.

What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh.

Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah.

Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you.

To motherhood. Zoidberg? Realize, you know, my face was stuck in a pizza.

You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon. And which one rocked your world? Wow, way to tell that guy off.

But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world. Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson!

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep!

Well, that was rude.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie. New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer opens a new tube line to alleviate rush hour traffic.

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

Oh my, yes. When I was a young tortoise of 50, I met a hot young piece of shell by a Palo Santo tree on the far side of the island. Let's go look for her! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! I've always wondered if she's still there, waiting for me.

There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down.

We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Hmm! I don't believe you. If you really wanted to be with me,

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship. Oh! If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow. You can. What?

You, sir, have defaced a national treasure. I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory! All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about. Smeesh, Leela.

Huh? You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you.

And they all lived happily ever after. The end. Miss Leela? I have a question. Yes, Albert? That story was bad. That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story. I'm sorry, kids. I'm not a natural storyteller. But I promise, I'll make up a better story and come back again.

I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween. Okay. Bender has her distracted.

Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So?

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

I suppose this was your doing. Yep, it's like I taught 'em. If it ain't black and white, peck, scratch and bite. Now, to take off my tuxedo. Guys, it's me, your lovable dictator. Uh-oh.

Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman. Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers.

It's about time.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know.

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler!

j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!

Leela, my sweet, I've come to save you. I have a devious plan. Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela.

Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus! Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy

It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing. You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that.

Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around. (MUTTERING MOCKINGLY) Observe this two-dimensional egg. If we were in the third dimension, looking down, we'd be able to see an unhatched chick in it,

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING)

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it,

Kiff, clear my schedule.

Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled

SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit! It's over, Dad.

My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me.

I could swear I followed the manual precisely.

Child, mon, is this true? Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission. Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?

If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you...

about dogs from your time. His name was Seymour.

- I'm a human! - Also good. Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot.

Go on, stick, touch me! Can't do it! Husband, you haven't been an Olympic class limboer for 20 years! Quit lying to your pudgy self. It does seem like jamaica would be able to field a strong limbo team without you. Yeah. Isn't that basically all jamaicans do?

Don't you get it? I'm crazy! (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Go ahead! I don't care what happens anymore. Do it. Bash my head in. (COUGHS) Wha... What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention?

What? You want human? What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root.

I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone.

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.

Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem. We'll each have to search a universe. Everyone, grab a length of wire first, so you can find your way back.

It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops. This is where I brought my girlfriend on our very first date.

It's nice. Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat?

Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you.

No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry.

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform.

Whatever. Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us?

I think the way you moved those stars around was really wonderful. I got you something. Moderately priced domestic non-vintage champagne! How did you know? You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever stops to tell you what a great captain you are. Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful,

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it.

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied!

I don't know. I've had cow. Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench--

Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah!

Ooh! What's got into him? He's twitching like Zoidberg when someone mentions the word "food." What now? No! Nibbler, come back!

Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo!

There'll never be another like him. Let's hire someone better. Clamps. Clamps!

Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie?

This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so." Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa, we got to secure for Santa's arrival. just as well. I'm getting tired of this wood show.

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need.

Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication. Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate? Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here?

(EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it! Dad? Because you have to do it. Be a man for once and fleam this wretched creature. I won't. I'm not exactly like you, okay? I don't want to conquer planets or kill things, or wear a lame cape.

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

(SNIFFS) Good God! What's that horrible stench? Stench... Uh... It's probably this stinky bus station maybe. Come. Let's go someplace well ventilated and grow old together.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy!

(SIGHS) I can see I have no future here. My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

And "Put on your good vestments." You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk. It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you...

(LEELA READING)

It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun. Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me.

(CLUCKING) Stop pecking me!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not. I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement. If you don't get me more Good News, everyone, my arthritis will make me seize up like a dried monkey carcass. I've seen those.

(GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix, the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned.

And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees--

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild! What is?

Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

(CHUCKLING) Fortunately, I came prepared with a back-up phrasing. Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right!

(CHOKES) (GROANS)

Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals.

But for right now, enjoy the sounds of the world's smallest violin. I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela, for tearing your arm off and all. I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers.

We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam.

Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie.

You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos, I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet! Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep.

Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream. Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium.

Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh!

Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.

We foxhunters do not stoop to buy getups. I made free with it. Since when do you care or even know about foxhunting?

Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people.

Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam! Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

I get your hands? Zam!

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh! Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza. You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude. Well, at least we were hammered! (GROANS) I'm as thirsty as a drunk.

So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir. Um, may I have a beer, sir? No, you're loyal enough already.

You'll give me your hand in marriage Is this really happening or just being staged It can't be real Not if Leela is engaged That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print

Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing.

Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say--

Quick, run out the back! I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord.

Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package.

tell them right now. Forget it, Zookeeper. You're going into captivity. Fool! A quip about putting me behind bars... would've been far more delicious. Here. Catch. No, Fry! You can't fall fast enough!

(SOBBING) Thanks, Tissue Ghost. DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore. This is Walgreens brand nose paper. Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath?

Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about.

I get it. You freed me. You lousy son of a... We're hot on his heels. A-ha! One of his heels. (PLANET EXPRESS APPROACHING)

Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts. My first mission. I'm so excited. And after I dissect the Yeti's poison glands,

Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who? It's good to see you. Is it good to see me? Of course.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste...

This court will now hear some very sensual testimony... from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela. Go yourself.

So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones. Hey, you think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot?

And don't shoot. That crate is a gift from us. - What? - Huh? For real? There's been enough violence on these streets. Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered. So, yo, we sent you a crate of weapons as a sign of trust. Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy, giant spiders. I knew it!

It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here.

It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret! FRY: Bye, Animatronio!

Oh, you're not even trying. It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved?

Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema. If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril. I mean, the delivery guy has, like, 30 superpowers. Well, that's because he was bitten by a radioactive superman! This is wonderful!

Well, I'm bushed. Good night. Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream.

To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS) Ooh, fancy. MAN: Hold tight.

May I crash on your couch?

It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first.

You're the best around and nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the beSt around and nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the best around nothing's goNna ever keep you down

Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do you don't need to tell me

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say.

Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that.

And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

I won't be able to hear Fry's opera. How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic.

Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.

We'd like a word with your daddy. Whatever. Dad! Don't worry, boys. I'm sure his father is a perfectly normal reasonable man. What the hell do you want? Mr. Blob, Our sons have come to apologize... for damaging your window. They've learned their lesson, and they want to make amends.

We want our TV back. There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy.

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean. But it's time to discuss a pressing issue,

If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

So far, so good. Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you.

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking. Wow, you look happy.

For you, my lovely rugelach. Thank you. It's Gardenia imperialis. You can brew it into a tea if you like severe stomach cramps. Such a smart one! You know everything about flowers. (SIGHS) Everything but how they smell.

Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No.

Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Okay, get ready. Keep watching. Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING) Huh!

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too. Perfect. This ought to make me stand out.

Blast off! Happy New Year!

Told you it was safe.

But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun--

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

I only wish I could've removed the stinger. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand!

(POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere. Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store.

Well, then what do you think you should stop doing?

The Gender Bender! Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring!

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged.

Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning.

Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love.

I wanted to introduce you to my on-again, off-again girlfriend of the past thousand years Michelle. Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender.

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

Where could Farnsworth have minted such a high quality fake? Not here. But you know, I have a friend in Boston who's an expert silversmith. They could be connected. There's only, like, 40 people who do anything around here.

And you made me take it out of the package!

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

A cherished family keepsake for hours to come. One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons. Wow, you're good.

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great!

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention!

Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature? That's right. Fry, meet flame-o. That's not a flame creature. It's your pilot light. No. It's a fire monster from outer space, and I'm heroically saving the world by trapping him here.

(GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk? I'm kind of busy.

Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

It wasn't supposed to do any of those things. You did it, Johnny. I'm cured!

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff!

So, you want to join the Balcony Club? The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership. Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long.

Death by snu-snu!

I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do?

Coilette, your death fills me with... Sorrow, anger, fear-- every emotion an actor can display.

Admission, $20. Dad! Gleesh. Greetings, Mars men. We come to your planet to construct a gleaming city, a second Earth on which to begin anew. Okay. Admission, $20. I can't believe it. Fry sacrificed his spot for me,

YOu-- You trashed my party board?

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye.

I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent!

Listen, I'm one of those lazy, homeless bums I've been hearing about. Could you point me to the free booze? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year.

More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

I'm bored. Let's drink.

Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle?

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (WHISPERING)

Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. I wish. It's a nickel. Union forever! Lousy scabs! They can't do those things! Et cetera! I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery.

This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot...

Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh! Ow. What? Oh!

Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this! Yaah-- Aaah! He--

She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late! Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary.

My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State. My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky! What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent!

All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

Ow! Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha!

Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender. How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't! There.

I want my Earth shows! These local programs are completely unwatchable.

(MONKEY GIBBERING) We have our own literature, music and art. The smear lines are impeccable. (ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Unlike your Earth zoos,

Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo! So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing? Poorly! My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

(SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo!

Big "O," little "K," my friend. just checkin' if everything's all right. It's okay, all right. Okay, then. Grab it! Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em! Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you...

(RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty? It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh!

Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure. Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment--

You should see me at funerals. Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league. Ultimate robot fighting? Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.

Take this, Mr. President, sir!

In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors,

ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond. Purpleberry Pond is fun for young and old When healthy juicy purpleberries fill your bowl We all get along and we're happy and merry I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries.

I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed. All hail the new emperor!

Ooh! My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm?

And with that... I have closure.

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Oh, no. These broads are supposed to wrestle for six and a half weeks, but there's only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks. We're still getting paid, right? I told you it's an audition!

Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space.

That is completely reckless. Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no. If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000.

There will be no noodles until the operation is complete. You can't force me to operate. Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.

Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

(SOUNDS HORN) Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake.

Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender!

You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing. Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

More than a little. She's beautiful! Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know.

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Puffs are the sweetest part of your complete breakfast.

When's the funeral?

I wouldn't want to follow that guy. And now a man who needs no introduction. Fry! Get up there!

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice.

Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool. Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie"

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender.

Blech! The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech!

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo!

Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium. Wow, I love symposia.

(HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these,

Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed! (GRUNTS) Stop the wedding! (ALL GASP) Who is that? Morris? I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you?

This isn't a business plan. It's an escape plan.

(GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

We can only hope.

That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now!

I'm telling you. There's something about Flexo I don't like. Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous.

My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream.

Careful, sir. Oh, yeah. You filthy hobos sure know how to live. Hey, chief someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap. Hmm? Ah. Excuse me, sir.

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out!

but I'm slightly thirsty.

Why pretend anything you do matters?

Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert. Hmm, must be a friend of theirs. Fry, we've got to discuss your living arrangements.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt. All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell!

So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot." And my friend says "That's not my gold-plated 25-pin connector." Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars?

Okay. Mmm, shorts.

What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box. (ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so...

Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Please, let me make it up to you. I'll treat you to a fancy birthday dinner tonight, at Cavern on the Green. Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up. Not this time. No matter what happens, I swear I'll be there. Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down, and marry a nice house in the suburbs!

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers.

Sorry to interrupt this whirlwind of activity, but we have an announcement. I direct your attention to these forms... which I'm presently engaged in handing to you. Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that!

Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is...

Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

Your genders differ in many ways. But as with all things that are different, chocolate and vanilla, Mac and PC, one is always clearly better. Chocolate, Mac, men. The end.

Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month. Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry?

Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable. You may pass. Now, if you see any robots just stay out of their way.

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean.

Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes.

Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies! Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate! With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move.

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah! Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho!

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys.

All right. Cool your jets, hotshot. Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me? We both know there's something there. No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face. Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

But I have to hide you from my dad. He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not. Give it up! All right! Take it. Sheesh.

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

That's so beautiful! Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up.

You must've smoked some bad granola.

I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender,

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here.

Hmm. I think I'm noticing a pattern. My God, you're right! The locations form a perfect shape of some kind. No! Bender was at every one of those places right before the fire started. Sweet pyro of Cairo! That's true!

Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds. Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true.

(SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector.

Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now!

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy.

For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan?

Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife.

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon.

I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear.

Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump.

In my experience, boxes are usually empty.

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

NARRATOR: Of all the creatures on Earth, none has a more thrilling life cycle than the intrepid salmon. It all begins in a cold, freshwater stream, where the salmon eggs incubate. I'm born, baby!

Wow. Your kid is great.

Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat? Tomorrow morning, this planet makes its closest pass to the sun.

I wuv my mommy. Hello, dearies. Mom! It's me, Bender!

Thank you. You've been a great audience. Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen. Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg! All right!

before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep. Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler,

Now go. Go. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners.

KIF'S MOTHER: Welcome to our home. KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me.

Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a?

(CHUCKLES) Damn, I'm good. Now, may I please have that cheese log? O glorious conqueror, permit me to offer up a sacrifice. How about this? Hey!

Probably dead. Already dissolving in a bathtub, if we're lucky.

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

(CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees. So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport.

Well, you heard the windbag.

You know, as a major Hollywood director I'll be holding auditions tonight for my next movie. And even though you're all young and naive I think you might just have what it takes.

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.

All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow.

My left has a sharp, jabbing throb near the bunion, while the other's got a searing pain like gout. Maybe it's too much albumin because of gravity... Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate.

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah! Aah!

There, little friend. Good as new.

Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face!

But I'm not done vomiting! I can't stand it! Okay. You can have my hand.

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love. And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you.

Well, we're boned. No, we're not! We just got to limbo. But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music.

The Brain Spawn suppress intelligence by attacking the delta brain wave. Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind.

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box.

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender?

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

I'll get my kit!

I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know. (SNIFFLING) (TEAR CLINKS)

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't.

You bet, sport.

Oh, my beloved. You complete me. Hurry on inside now. Storm's a-brewin'.

I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers. Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

(CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY) (BOTH SCREAM) (BOTH SCREAMING)

He's been working so hard, we barely even see him. It's strange, that. There's nothing strange about it. He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice. (TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back.

File not found.

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed.

Let me show you around.

Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

You're the last store open. I need something for my friend Leela. just give me your best animal. Best? Well, that's a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail. That's a stupid animal.

Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One! What th--

I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

(ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY) I'm the greatest, baby! You go, Beachmaster! And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator.

I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Wait! That chunk! It's the watch! I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says.

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president.

5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders?

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you.

Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about... (SNORING) He won't wake up if we stay quiet.

Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows! If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will!

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you.

To induce vomiting. That was the solution.

Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful.

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins.

Come, Bender. You'll like being dead. That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

I've taught the toaster to feel love. And Hermes returns from his vacation today.

Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

Yes. For God's sakes, yes!

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you! But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future! But it's set 800 years in the past.

Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet.

Bender, what's going...

Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try. Ugh! Go away! Ooh!

It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees. Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years. Now that's a limboer's body. Whoo-hoo! Look at that fine jamaican bacon!

We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with.

I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre. Ow!

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass.

In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep.

Blech! The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia.

spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death? Yes, and I begged Zoidberg to put me out of my misery. Bring him, quickly.

What are you lookin' at? May the love I sense between you...

(ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you.

Dump him already.

Wait. Hang on. I lost my controller. (SCOFFS) There is no controller.

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over.

The Federal Sex Bureau.

Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor.

Sir, that's not a number.

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough?

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow!

A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy. Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim! Oh...

Sacred hog of Prague! That was my anniversary gift to La Barbra. Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot!

That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?

Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important.

So, we meet again. Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl. Keep laughing, Funog. Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell.

I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync. I was like, "Save them!" And he was all, "No problem."

Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room. He stole the scene and my money! That's it! I demand you fire this felonious ham! The network execubots are coming! Oh, dear God!

Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship... Planet Express ship. I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me. Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

Funny plague, hyper-malaria. It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death.

I am not a crook's head.

If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now! Our universe is doomed! Doomed!

just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

Nice turnout, Calculon. That Oscar is practically on your mantle. I just pray they like me half as much as I do.

Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you.

My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead!

and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how? Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose. What kind of lazy ending is that? I'm not gonna put that in my song. Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate.

My, yes. Our muscles are sore, our bones ache. My damn skin even hurts. It's no dream house, but we get fed through our spines and the rent is reasonable.

to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it. Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us.

Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit.

And a Toblerone.

We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

In answer to your question, Hermes. Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it! Well, actually, they're-- Morris, shh! And what about this?

- You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye!

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you.

Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying! Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster. What are you, my driver's license?

Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww!

Your call is being-- Connected-- By SewerCom. Reach out and touch the sewers.

Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn. My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to stand before you tonight as your next president. Together, we will... Hey, what's going on?

You Ruth Bader believe it!

I've got one dollar left, and this one I'm holding onto. Oh, no, you don't!

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch.

I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope. You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right. Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp!

we will grant you exclusive fishing rights in Supernova Scotia. (TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Well, okay. Excellent. We'll meet aboard my ship in one month to sign the Treaty of Table Seven.

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps.

I don't have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry. I haven't felt this happy since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become.

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo!

Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains.

Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls.

He won't wake up if we stay quiet.

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week. Sorry. I was distracted by those protesters outside our building.

and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me,

You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more.

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

(EARTH SHUDDERING) Soon the world will come to a stop,

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

And the effects may be irreversible. Well, let's get started.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Welcome to the future, human slave.

You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

(KETTLE WHISTLING) Wow. Hold him down while I prepare the antidote. Another Yeti?

My lucky shoe! Goodbye, cruel me.

What's that? War were declared.

Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over,

Got ya. What you need is one of these holographic minicams. Films in every direction at once and stores the video on a remote 15-inch floppy disk. I'll take it! Excellent. Let me just wrap that up for you. Who said that?

How much you got? Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face. No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad. Enjoy your outdated format, Grandpa.

Cue the fireworks guy! Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound.

Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah!

What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor. Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I--

Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha!

Larry Bird, what are you doing here? (TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way. (TAPE BEEPS) (RECORDER CLICKS) Nice to meet you, Larry Bird.

The Cavern on the Green.

I am trying to have a rich, full life! Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING)

Leela back yet? Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal.

What's he so worked up about? He's just upset 'cause our boy's missing. Come on, you overgrown rat! Lead us to Philip.

Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word.

Wake up, my king.

Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list.

Lando? Told you I'd be back. You've grown, Junior. I'm 61. I don't know him. What else you got? (CHOIR MUSIC)

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

What, this old thing? I murdered my father. My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name! What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care,

Neat. Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer,

Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

Oh, yeah. Second place!

Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us.

Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night.

...three! (CHUCKLING)

So this is my relatives' virtual old-folks home?

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

(WHOOPING) Look out, world, here I... (GROANS) I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way.

She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so. Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful--

(FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad. Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again!

You all know the rules. Whichever house wins the regatta becomes head of the Greek Council and should that house currently be on any type of multiple secret probation it will be lifted and I will be forced to serve as grand marshal of a parade honoring them.

Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

- Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY) I'm the greatest, baby! You go, Beachmaster! And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program,

So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye.

Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit!

Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter?

- Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles.

Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed.

That's it! This date is over! Waiter!

I hope everyone likes eggs.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas. Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide! Our next speaker is Professor-- I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

My race will find this information very useful indeed.

Now he's tracking stink in here. By which I mean you. (LAUGHS) Yeah, Yancy, I stink. Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good. (FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad.

So, Elzar, what will you be cooking for Morbo to devour with his mighty jaws? Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a nice, unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney.

Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it. Your wheelchair? I don't need a wheelchair! The one with the wheels!

One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip.

It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone.

Incredible! Zoidberg had friends?

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet.

If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence!

Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage.

Cruel though they may be, I--

You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand.

Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind-- just like Noah's ark. Why two? Oh.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

(BENDERS LAUGHING) Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance.

As long as I'm going to be in charge here,

In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix.

Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean.

Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man.

Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

Oh, woN't you take me to funkytown won't you take me to Funkytown - Thank you.

This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish.

Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray. Sir, please.

Ooh, love to hold you Ooh, love to kiss you Ooh, love, I love it so

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept.

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps!

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie.

It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope. Hey, hey, hey! I got me a souvenir. Aw, here you go, kid.

in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

Halt! Visitors are forbidden. Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in. That's Philip J. Fry!

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

No! No! No! No!

(ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap! Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often. It's all right, dearest. I know it was just the Nectar talking. And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

Well, time for this robot to get back to work. Ah...

Announcing Lord Loquat. I wonder what shade of purple he'll be.

She's nuts! In a few moments, the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together... into a beautiful, eternal quantum singularity.

Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

(LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela! Oh! Ah! (SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her.

There's been enough violence on these streets. Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered. So, yo, we sent you a crate of weapons as a sign of trust. Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy, giant spiders. I knew it!

On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage.

HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS)

They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax!

(ALL CHEERING) One hundred!

You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace, so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn.

So, you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams?

Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition! Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future,

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever.

industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back! Right. So long. Good-bye.

Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more! And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile!

Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

(GROANS) Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said. So what do people do for fun here?

Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..."

I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important. Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me! I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer?

Of course. I'm a Bender.

The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.

Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood.

Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS) (CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds!

One, two! one, two, three!

That's what you get for calling tech support.

Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots.

That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act. Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning.

I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever. It sure was. Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu.

What? No way! Hermes, no! Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews. But you can't fire yourself now. We were just getting to know each other. I've already notified the central bureaucracy. (DOORBELL RINGING) They'll be here two seconds ago.

I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness.

Your Medicare dollars at work. Halt! Identify this guest.

Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans!

But tonight, he's having the girls-gone-wildest bachelor party of all time! (WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela. Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother.

Aw! Everybody just calm down. Kif promised he'd catch the rustlers. Mrs. Wong, do you have a neckerchief I could borrow?

we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb!

(CHOKING) Gotcha. This situation deteriorated fast. (HUMMING) Whoo-hoo! We've been weed-whacked!

How will that... (SCREAMS) Get out there! Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three!

Helmsman, set course... for Earth!

Because I'm so smart? Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity...

Right on! Here they are, freshly laundered and... (GROWLING) Our magnificent uniforms. They're ruined. (SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory.

All hail the Metal Lord! So hailed! Mm. Those peewees think I'm God, huh? Hard to blame 'em. I am the Metal Lord. Who are you?

They're the cure-all that cures a lot!

and he got squished up against the side. Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out. What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before?

No! Honk! Honk!

My music career is over. Bender, I don't claim to understand "the biz," but wouldn't being able to move help your music career? No! Don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them. But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not?

Oh, what's the point?

She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K Peace out. (CHEERING)

we enter a so-called "receptive state." You disgust me. Go on. At that point, our skin becomes a semipermeable membrane... which allows the passage of genetic material. I held Amy's hand, and voilÀ. Well, okay, but that better be all there is.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end?

Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty! I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock?

Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body.

Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked.

it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Raise the main ladder!

The tracks lead here. Thanks, eagle eye. Now it's daylight.

I can't stand it! Okay. You can have my hand. Wonderful! just sign here.

The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One. Two.

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass.

Wait. What's that? Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore. Nothing in there, except maybe a few shreds of moldy, old robot pornography. Hmm. Sounds like a breeding ground for humans. I better check it out. Oh, yeah.

Soon I will have an important part of a complete breakfast. Oh, no. The Berry Burglar fired his snowball bomb. The snow will destroy the purpleberry crop.

Observe. Problem solved.

(ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney?

Bender is some sort of wonderful mechanical man.

I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING)

Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

(BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS) Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow.

I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard.

How's that, Hubert? Feeling better? A good beaking usually cheers me right up, but today it's no use. My species is as good as extinct. I haven't seen a female of my kind in over 100 years! There's got to be a lady tortoise out there for you, Hubert. What about her?

My work here is done.

Well, take this! Oh, my.

How was your day?

Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later. It's time to activate the bomb.

So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING) Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing.

No argument here. Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender.

I died doing what I loved. Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste.

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Guidance system? On-line. Autopilot? Present. Dark matter indicator? Making a noise. All systems operational. Let's rock.

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

Well, folks, it's only the fifth inning, but the Swedes have turned this one into a laugher, and that's with two F's. The crowd is pouring out of the stadium L.A.-style.

We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Great! Hooray for Blindy!

I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior. Therefore, the battle is already over. The winner? Me. Ha, ha! Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead.

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix?

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There!

You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

Brilliant work, Clyde! You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke. So long, filthy commoners! Adios!

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again,

A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though. You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel!

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise.

stop all this pain-in-the-ass recycling and throw your garbage on the floor. Go ahead, just chuck it any old place like I used to. Your city is counting on you.

So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet.

These people really know how to die.

You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night.

At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) (CHUCKLING) Wait a minute. It sounds like we're getting the short end of that extermination. Don't you see, you doddering young fool?

No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

Me crush with club.

Ow! I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

and you never return. Wow. A whole planet of old people. Where is it? Nobody knows. So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented.

Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever. (SOBBING) (SNIFFLING) That poor incompetent crew. What do you think happened, Professor? They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron.

Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink. No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim! Oh...

Don't let the door hit you on the way out,

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting.

(EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that? Because the loser of our bet has to do a double somersault into a tub of alien goat vomit. (CHUCKLING) Wait, let's make it interestinger. Vomit and diarrhea.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone. I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela. (ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope. Really? No, don't get your hopes up.

(YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention!

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not. What?

Do you know how to play the fiddle?

Oh! They're getting married.

You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide.

That's it, Brett.

Stolen Pez anyone?

Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord

(SHIVERING) Professor, we need to talk, man-to-mob. (INDISTINCT GRUMBLING) We've had it with Zoidberg! We demand you fire him!

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago,

Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon. Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop.

I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone.

Before we deliver these hearts, I'm gonna find the one... that sums up my feelings for you. "I love you." Mm. Too conventional. "You're my man." Ooh! So close. I'm not impressed by a guy's message, Fry.

You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever.

Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh.

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better. The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect...

Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace,

(MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough. Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz.

The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now?

Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes.

(ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING)

I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in!

I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile.

I've got everything I want right here. I'm bored! Let's go. You know, Fry I've got a little place just outside town. You could come visit, maybe? Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry!

At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What? Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness.

baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too.

in what promises to be a by-the-numbers athletic contest... with no surprises whatsoever.

He could be a storage closet For outdated pants I like 'em tight My broken friend could do it all

I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it. Don't eat my butt! If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING)

WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look.

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead. And Conrad is disqualified!

You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice.

Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING)

Let Claw Plock begin!

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Give you 300 bucks for it. No can do. Oh, all right. I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools then. Very good, sir. So, uh, what time you close tonight?

Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

Bender, how did you get in here? As your agent, I have access to you at all times. Since when are you my agent?

Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor? Do you owe him something? Is he blackmailing you somehow? What does he have on you? Why have you kept him around all these years when he's so grossly incompetent?

Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum...

My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw!

Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way.

Sweet dreams! (WHIMPERING) (KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

Mmm. It stinks.

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery. And the winner is--

It's pizza time! Pineapple?

It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace. You seem a bit tense. Here, try these.

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat.

A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be.

I'm actually gay. Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here.

It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate.

Bless this planet and all its wonderful people. Kill him! Kill the traitor!

ROSE MARY: Oh, you know we do. Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

Get it? It's chlorine.

Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Look, Morris! It's Leela calling.

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey... Are you over 18? Yes. Yes.

Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together...

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer?

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

(LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg.

Just play along. This could be our chance for romance. Come on, ladies. Let's take a little trip to Kif's planet. We'll gather some nectar and have a nice, romantic weekend. Just the four of us. Let's go already!

(SIGHS) That was close. Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait. What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer!

The exit. We made it! Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm.

But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me.

Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please... Big z. Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady

Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement. Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara?

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

I created you all, and I came here in a homemade spaceship and lived in a cave. If you don't believe me, ask my uncle.

Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

And I'm a female. I'm still not following you. Wake up, my king.

Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide. I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You. Aren't you getting this?

Please, just leave me alone.

Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry.

What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually identical components. Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel. Hey, according to the Scab Handbook,

They're so cold! And yet hell is so hot! Can I have my hands back now? No! You're not nice!

Aww, man. Uh... Just pick something and blow it up so I can get home in time for The Finder Outer. Oh... What the...

Mom, Dad, don't ask me to choose!

- Hooray! - Not good enough! Why? Says who? Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out!

(ENGINES REVVING)

Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

Now can we get some privacy? (MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender. Charmed. I'm the Countess De La Roca.

but I say she's robbing the grave. Howdy, doodies! What's new? I was just regaling your former coworkers... with a tale of bedroom antics the likes of which-- Yeah, yeah, big whoop. No one cares. I got Bender-related news. I'm in love.

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little. It's working! Hooray!

Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way! Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

Happy birthday!

Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long!

That's the gentle, sensitive, poet warlord I fell in love with.

Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy.

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas.

Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life.

Mr. Mayor, isn't this e-waste dangerous? Not at all, Scoop. Not after it's hauled off to the third world by an expendable team of minimum-wage nobodies. Good news, nobodies!

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive. Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad. Enjoy your outdated format, Grandpa. Nowadays, cool kids like me mash up our own phone-isodes. It's from the kidnappers. My nephew is alive! And he's in this envelope.

where the salmon eggs incubate. I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream, the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean.

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending. This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana.

Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela. Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self.

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah? Well, take this! Oh, my.

It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name. Ew! There. That time I left both lanterns in place. And I hit Farnsworth much, much harder. Perhaps too hard.

where a man can gaze up at the sky in wonder without a wet clump falling in his mouth. MALE MUTANT: We can do that, too. (PLOPPING) Who's ready to fight for equality? The devolution revolution has begun! Beautiful mutants, please welcome Devo!

Whoo-whee! Now, while you're greasing the pan and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching?

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them. Oh! Let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood!

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

Yes, but not by enough. Score! This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small--

We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like.

Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you?

Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter? Every decision we make opens up a universe of possibilities. I put it to you that, as sentient beings, each choice we make is precious. Well, in that case, don't wear them.

What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted?

Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man!

Whoa! You're like some kind of dumpster Jedi.

Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man, and there ain't much more to say about me. Not till now there wasn't. Well, Big Caboose was a steel-drivin' son of a gun Till a bad-hearted woman he spied But, Bender, I never spied no bad-hearted woman.

That's the dumbest question I ever heard.

Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say--

An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes!

Congratulations. I assume Amy is the father.

Well, so long. Get well soon. Oh. Well. So long anyway. Oh, I'm doomed! Everybody leave me alone. I don't wanna be seen this way. Aw, you look so sad.

GRAM-GRAM: Every night, the poor boy had terrors in his sleep. His pajamas would be soaked with sweat. Yeah, sweat. Right. GRAM-GRAM: We'd stay at his bedside all night. And whenever he'd start moaning and sweating his pants, we'd read to him from his favorite book.

Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

This time I'm calling for the death penalty.

worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up! Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say!

Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No! Fry, the box has spoken. Go to Mars. Okay. Will you at least keep this photo?

Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod.

No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites, but at least Bender will party with me. Right, buddy? Whoa, whoa, whoa! I enjoy partying as much as the next fellow, but this is Oktoberfest. Good day, sir! Ach du freakin' Lieber!

I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires.

Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers!

And we want to help you. Now, your only chance is a classic death scene. One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare.

Looks like society's runnin' pretty well without my meddling-- D-Doh! Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile! Fear not, my Lord.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy.

(SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING)

Come on, we got to save Bender. You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams.

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever! Fire!

You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh? Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there. Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa!

You've grown, Junior. I'm 61. I don't know him. What else you got? (CHOIR MUSIC) (ALL EXCLAIMING) They haven't aged a day.

I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion.

I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil.

Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world.

So, any of you guys thinking of being a sneaky male this season?

Ooh, yeah, baby! Oh, stop. Fry, look! That's Silicon Red, the universe's greatest folk singer!

With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.

It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate.

But that was my idea! Then you should have talked louder. What?

Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking.

during her "wild" years...

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food.

It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

To quote the Prophet jerematic "One-zero-zero-zero "One-zero-one-zero- one-zero-one-zero-one... "zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two."

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private?

Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done.

Ho... ho... ho!

Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have! No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop! Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss!

I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy.

Thee will be done. Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Careful, sir. Oh, yeah. You filthy hobos sure know how to live. Hey, chief someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap. Hmm? Ah. Excuse me, sir.

Yoo-hoo. Whoo! I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no. The park was too phony.

Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys! (ZAPPING) What was I crying about? Oh, we were just cuttin' onions, honey. Let's keep going. "Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button."

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi! Hey!

It'll all be over soon, my love. May I have (SNIFFLES) one last kiss? Oh, there'll be lots more. Yes. Lots. (SOBBING)

And for once in your life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. Ow!

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason.

Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard.

Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Action! And I mean circus-grade action. Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion?

and this appears to be a-a... doodle of myself as a cowboy. But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my.

Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise. Uh, what's with the getup?

(CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

No, I'm good. Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke.

No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck!

I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

Way up here's the money-counting room. It's Mars' happiest place on Earth! (LAUGHS) This much money could feed a small, starving planet. But it doesn't! (GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that.

Before that, it was off.

Ohh. Well, I'm off. Wait! We can hide you! We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl. No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you!

Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"?

With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room. Shall we adjourn to the dungeon? Well, I got my shield for stopping Bender.

(SMOOCHING) I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy."

You got it, Poindexter! Not good! Detonation in T-minus 60 Earth seconds. You fool! You will be transported to the other universe with us,

Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

Two. One! Blast off!

We're going to try you out with a little delivery job. It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run. Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly. just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops. That's just what my mom used to tell me.

So the clover is still in the hiding place, maybe? Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York... helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around. Dirt doesn't need luck. I'm going down there to get my clover back.

This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable.

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page.

But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail."

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow! When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on!

He beats me out for every award, every role, every paternity suit. Besting him at acting means more to me than life itself. And we want to help you. Now, your only chance is a classic death scene. One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T.

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this.

Mmm! Good barium shots. Expensive, though. We can put it on the corporate card, as long as we discuss business. So, yesterday, huh? That business happened, right? Somebody? I'll just pay for it.

Correct. I will be evaluating each of you, and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg.

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future.

Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down? (TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest!

Look, the bone vampire!

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!

Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves. We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that!

Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

(ALL CHEERING) Yes! (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) What? It's called line dancing, Professor.

The big brain is defeated.

An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all!

Gunnery Chief Bender, blast us out of quarantine. Aye, aye, lady! Oh, fiddlepoop! Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick.

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what?

(BEEPING) (HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality.

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves!

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then.

Who does she beat up You Clobberella

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you. Oh, are you sure? I mean, she has two eyes. You have two eyes. I know-- we seem like a perfect match but I just don't feel that way about her. Nice nebula. Yeah.

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony!

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job! This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

Put the dice away before I take them away.

In other local news disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan today when a titanium mine collapsed trapping 1,000 robot workers. What? Lord have mercy! Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years.

Let my people stay! Neat.

My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl.

One year to go. Six months. I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy? They're paid to not kill me. Alley-oop! Hey, come out of there! I thought I understood this world.

There! Good as new. Except that we're three miles below the surface we don't have any food and the ship won't work underwater.

We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah. And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe!

Is there something on my face? Uh, no. Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose!

Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile

Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No! But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives! These are sailors' lives, Bender.

Now let's all of us shut up and sing.

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict. Cut me some slack, preacher. I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole. With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o!

Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so.

I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be. Okay.

Yes, and yet-- What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle.

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry.

Good news, everyone. We have a mission to further the noble cause of intergalactic peace. Nope. Watching cartoons. Sorry.

And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle...

That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Bender, do something. I'm too scared.

I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for...

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people. $30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless--

Aw, I got a chipmunk. LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth.

This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998.

Leave me alone.

Shows what you know. Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky. (EXCLAIMS)

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

come on down to the Butterfly Derby tonight.

Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option.

"The Grumpy Snail." Sorry.

Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

Fry, look around.

I've delivered a lot of good news in the past. But what I'm about to lay down is by far the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express! (ALL MURMURING) What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

Keep going. We're right behind you. Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on.

Avast, mateys! Electronically transfer your space doubloons... afore I send thee to Davy jarg's Locker.

Go on, stick, touch me! Can't do it! Husband, you haven't been an Olympic class limboer for 20 years!

You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure.

Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings?

What're you doing, pooper doodle?

And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo! Oh. Thanks, moderate spender.

Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor?

(GROANING) Not exactly.

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

What do I need? Ulcers? But I want power. I'm tired of the chief's girlfriend lording it over me with her fancy coyote hide. All right, all right. If it'll make you happy, I'll overthrow society.

It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved... when a manbot and a fembot realized they loved each other. Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here. All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever. It sure was.

A photo of Langdon Cobb without his bag? Impossible. He's got a 50-foot-high force field around his house. BENDER: One 60-foot ladder, please.

Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss? Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that?

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers. Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier!

I guess what I've been trying to say is we should all be ashamed. Me for my hatred of a mechanical fox that tore up my sign and who I'd like to throttle,

yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer.

Damn, they are good.

Yeah, you'd better run.

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap!

(PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. (PANTING) LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter? BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE)

how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

Try these, um, sir. I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man!

That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No! But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives! These are sailors' lives, Bender. Think of the untold cursing that would be lost to future generations.

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant. That's okay.

'Cause your song was insincere, boy. Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about. Yes, sir.

Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one. COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

- Out of my way, fatty! I'm practicing. - Whoa! (HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da!

Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't!

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to.

I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes I'm going where the sun keeps shining... Through the pouring rain

I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one! Oh.

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that.

(ALL MURMURING) What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt. Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on our amazing new soda machine! (ALL CHEERING) That's what I'm talking about!

(ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head!

BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING)

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring.

Ah, Cubert, my precious babe.

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

That's it. It's done. I can't believe it. My mind is boggling. The analysis of the note is printing out now.

I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you.

Hey... These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself.

It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan. Submerge the prisoners! Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God! Mutate! Mutate! Mutate!

Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com.

Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim--

We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge.

What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler.

There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge.

So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders.

- Er, ohh. - Ohh.

There's a humungous fungus among us.

Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on.

Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space.

I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league!

I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science. Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher.

Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little.

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord. It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord." Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet! But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk. Poor? Aw, crap.

What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now. Hear my words.

Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny.

Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

I'll just be a minute.

I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww! (GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker. The rest of you might as well give up now,

the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill. Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud...

We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me.

(JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly. Hello. Hello, baby!

Oh, yeah! Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies!

Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad. The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin. That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad. (ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk.

Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference?

Yeah, that is fun.

Two magic beans! (GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING)

We've been hired to make our 100th delivery.

What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. (SCREAMS) Now then, let me show you my lab.

Here, let me help you.

I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent.

The diamond still didn't break! Now you'll never know how much I love you. (BOTH EXCLAIM) FRY: It went kersplitters.

Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me?

Stop! Stop flattering me.

There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts!

Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no!

Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

All right, but if you see him, give him one of these... (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANS) And one of these, and not one of these. (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING) Come on, Clamps, let's go, and watch out, there's some sort of smelly air pocket over here. (THUDDING)

(GROANS) I hate chiseling right after a manicure. Oh! Darn it! I broke off one of my fingers! Look, Cubert. The neck on this one.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want!

Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine.

You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something. What's that, honey? How many dead? I don't know, 80 million? Okay. I love you, too. That was Ndnd. She's taking me back! (ALL CHEERING) I'm sorry I've been so difficult.

I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass. Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years.

The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from.

Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh--

Death to the crab!

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

Everybody kill everybody!

Even I have to admire the performance of me, Bender. The show looks so cute. Kids will love it! And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times.

Don't yell at Nibbler like that. You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right?

(GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster!

How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me.

Good morning, class. I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare!

Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us.

(IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby. And in this moment, Leela's dead.

Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry!

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela.

Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore.

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted.

Well, sure, but who's brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere? I say Brannigan. I say no. I say me. I say Leela! I say yes. I say no. I say Leela, too. I say yes again. I say I shall join her. But it's only a one-man craft, I say.

DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here.

Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh!

It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg.

Welcome to this year's academy symposium. I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars. But wait, there's more!

Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College.

Hmm. My tux doesn't fit. Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it. Or evolved, one might say. One might not say that. Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy. You mean a man. It was his Bar Mitzvah.

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball!

Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked?

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

(WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela. Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss.

Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them!

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood. Mmm.

You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read.

Brothers and sisters, get your love beads. Can't journey to the center of your mind without love beads.

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth!

I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, damn it!

What about what?

No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery. Well, my legs are made of rubber. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it.

Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up.

The hero of my folk song tried to run me down,

There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events.

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

FRY: Ugh! My old house. There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you. Oh, I missed your stinky breath so much. Maybe I do kind of miss this place. Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end,

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away. Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten.

Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS) Ooh, fancy. MAN: Hold tight. The Mecha-Hexadecapus is about to flail erratically into action.

Okay. Okay. I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans.

A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell! No, Mr. Smith, you're not in heaven or hell. You're on an airplane. There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me!

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future.

Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.

My parents! They're coming up from the sewers for a visit Sunday. Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall.

Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation. What's wrong, Fry? I don't know. This place is great and all but it's just so artificial. The gravity, the air, the gophers. You might as well stay on Earth. That's what I came to see.

Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me.

Oh, please. Humans experimented on us, chained us to organ grinders, made us ride around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. (EXCLAIMS) (HONKING) You're still riding around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. By choice. Come on, let's grab some lunch.

Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say!

...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy. I could take him or leave him. I'm back for my son! I've come to take him and leave with him! (GASPING) She beat you to both things!

Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option.

Aw, all right, I'll go, but so help me I'll hold a grudge against every last stinking one of you for the rest of your lives. Well, then it's settled.

You'll never have a better chance to take him out. Dad! "Nerd Search '88?" What's this? Some stupid science contest for smartwads. NASA's going to pick one kid's experiment to launch into space. I could make a space experiment. I just got a new thing of glitter.

Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess.

But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip?

Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it.

Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us?

You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank.

(WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid, too? (WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful. I mean, look at your mother here.

It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk!

Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope. Hey, hey, hey! I got me a souvenir. Aw, here you go, kid.

We got guano, very fresh. Ah, mm, do you have any food? Here. Try a deep-a dish pizza. Contains-a four kinda things.

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged.

Uh, actually, you traded it for a bead. Tribe suffer heap big buyer's remorse. We want land back. Chief, my people are people of law, and that law is... no "backsies."

Planet Express ship, you are cleared to land. Roger. Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here.

In the Great Monkey Desert. (TV TURNS ON) MORBO: We interrupt your TV being off for this special bulletin. An alien saucer has been detected en route to Earth. We now go live to the White House lawn, where such things usually land.

All right. I am,

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

No problem. I prepare operating room. (CAT MEOWING) Oh, honey, I'm home! (DOOR OPENING) Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

with Robot 1-X's new technology. An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect.

No one makes fun of my nose.

Let me give you my pager number.

You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise!

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah.

I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars. Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder!

Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm. I like your style.

But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

All I need is an audience. And that's where Silicon Red comes in. (COUGHING) Man, all this corncob pipe smoke is irritating my stab wounds.

And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet... We don't have long. We demand bouncing, followed by rolling,

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing!

Well, it would give us a chance to get to know each other. The beast lives for now. Thank you, Angus. You're welcome! (YAWNING)

Let's all go to the lobby.

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help!

Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela.

Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain.

Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up. Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness. just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle.

The analysis of the note is printing out now.

Quit badgering the witness.

(LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys. Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are... BENDER: Faster! Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up?

A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list. Come on, fellow mortal. We're in Tijuana.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room. He stole the scene and my money! That's it! I demand you fire this felonious ham!

There's got to be a lady tortoise out there for you, Hubert. What about her? Hey, good lookin', I've got a lichen that needs a lickin'. Are you crazy? She's a slightly different subspecies! See how her shell flares imperceptibly at the neck? (SHUDDERS) Talk about a cloaca shrinker.

But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings. Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly.

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening.

No, it's my fault, too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs. Especially me. Enough. You all failed miserably.

Wait! No, thanks.

Look! I barely exploded at all.

and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls.

Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders? Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure.

I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

Hmm. Well, well, well, the lady Leela. Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction. So, trapped on a ship with me.

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew?

That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight.

When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat.

We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold!

All My Circuits is brought to you by... Robo Fresh. Designed by a robot for a robot. I've been processing this for some time, Monique and, well... will you marry me?

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts--

Death to the 1-X robots!

That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh! All hail Femputer!

But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do? A man can give her a toke of her own medicine. Yes! I could put my mind into a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus.

I'm not looking. This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here.

Aw, who am I kidding? It was stupid of me to ever dream of becoming a chef. I don't have what it takes, and nothing can change that!

Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go.

Thank you, sir. You got the toenail. Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry.

Up next, the fembot bending competition. Fembots? Methinks a clever manbot, suitably disguised, might win those events. But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace. What do you mean I'm not registered?

For the love of God, somebody kick his ass!

but I've got an ace up my hole.

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking!

I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear. You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed--

I am unstoppable! Aah.

What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay,

The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors...

What the-- Malachi, what manner of deal is this, with the chanting?

I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?

(BURPS) She's a nervous wreck! (BOTH LAUGHING)

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder.

No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave. Without a working one, we have no hope of returning to the future.

I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little? Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone.

Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea.

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress.

Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again?

If anything, I'm more impressed. Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room. And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people?

Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin, containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?! 'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great,

My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

This casino belongs to your people! (ALL CHEER) But, Amy, you planned this whole thing to get the casino back! Yes, back to its rightful owners. Now just a hold on minute. This casino is wrongfully ours. Security!

The devil take this predictable colon!

Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie, so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene.

I suppose I could part with one and still be feared. Gimme some skin, Prof. I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate.

More! More! More!

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing?

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food!

HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me!

So, this is the trail mix Fry gave me! Yes. I exaggerated when I said I picked it from the treetops. I just wanted you to think a little better of me.

My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel. Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it.

Sneaky male, eh? I thought I told you... (SNARLS) Oh, my! Well, nice try. Better luck next season. You gave it a shot! Pathetic.

All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam. You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets--

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not. I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement. If you don't get me more Good News, everyone, my arthritis will make me seize up like a dried monkey carcass.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations.

Okay. Mighty sir, we have nowhere to go. Could we please join your society? Well... all right. But no interfering with our grand works. I tell ya, that Butch runs a pretty good civilization.

First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

By the Bard's quill! I'm alive! (ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back!

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me.

My closest living relative... Oh, yeah. My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. Come on, Dad. Shuffle faster!

Allow me. There we go.

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory.

I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it. Gaze upon this photo of yourself and start squirting out some soul-arrhea. It doesn't work that way, you imbecile. Although it's really quite a nice portrait.

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Huh? Yes, hi. I'm from the vampire bank that burned down.

Fry, distract him! Hey, Project Satan, over here! I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points!

I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human.

We kept it gray. Sir, please. I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it. Very well. But your bureaucratic license will be revoked if you fail to sort the master in-pile by closing time. 1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now.

Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer?

Leela, take my hand!

Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done?

I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays.

had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on?

That's coming out of your pay.

At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it.

Hey, it is kinda like that. To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went. What a Valentine's Day that was. Hmm. This may seem like a huge coincidence, but I happen to have an in with that whale. Scruffy's formulated a plan,

Okay, sure. But first, this. (BELL DINGS) I hear turkey. Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey! (LAUGHS) Ten more processors for me.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

(LAUGHS) It's not funny!

Boring. Let's hear about Walter Mondale already. Be forewarned. The only sure way to get an "A" in this class is to have lived in the 20th century. Swish. You were saying, Mr. Fry?

No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming! As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass.

jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher. (ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew.

Why are they booing me, Silicon?

Yes. Good thing I noticed the similar shapes. Planet Express stockholders, I present our Chief Executive Officer, Professor Hubert Farnsworth! Oh? There he is!

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office.

Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please!

Go, go, go, New justice Team

Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend.

That's my robot! I own him!

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover. Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"?

Go! Go! Touchdown! But where's Philip?

Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up.

Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. And it's flowing down the eerie canal to The Scary Door. That's "eerie" with two E's. Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies."

Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. ALL: Yay! New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet.

At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do.

Move it along, grandma.

So stay with me until the symptoms start, then put me out of my misery. You must swear! All right, Hubert, I swear.

Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay.

And now, as a solemn testicle to those left behind on Earth, I present this monument, titled simply, "Heroes." (SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry. (SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony.

All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you.

You're welcome.

Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry.

Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

(GUNSHOTS FIRING)

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

Okay, let's just get in, get out and...

Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no!

Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual.

will you reCognize me call my name or walk on by

The brains are weakening. Nibblonians to Nibble stations. Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets. Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh! Take that! And that!

He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

(SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping.

Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early.

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason. All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do.

Okay, now I'm mad.

Wanna do it? So soon? Oh, well...

Bender, is-- is that you?

We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! I suppose I could part with one and still be feared. Gimme some skin, Prof.

I'll eat yours. Bender's sick.

Grabby and Squeezy? Never! I love these guys!

It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Oh, lordy Lou! Help! I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either.

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior!

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew.

Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is... What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?!

In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder. Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge.

I just wanted you to think a little better of me. Well, your motives were good. And we were both loopy from dehydration. Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see,

Now just read these cue cards. And... action! "Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

(GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

I'm not gonna put that in my song. Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you.

Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha.

Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way. (WHINES)

Take my hands You evil, metal dog Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent.

You'd better eat quickly, Philip. You don't want to be late for work.

man and man. Our poodle has two daddies.

There's just no place for me in this world. Although, on the other hand... Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium.

I love you, Philip, and I always will. "Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle,

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No!

FRY: That's what I was gonna say!

I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

Neat! This is great!

I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud. I love you, son.

Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off.

You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube.

Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float! Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm.

What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!"

I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress. Say, robot, old buddy, could you help me move a couch?

...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95? Yes, please. Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years.

Where have you been? What? It's 2:00 in the afternoon. Several days later. Look, enough is enough. Zapp is a jerk. I insist you break up with him. Why can't you just let me be happy? After all these years, I'm going places I've never been, and having sex there. You're too old to be happy.

I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

The Svalbard Global Seed Vault.

No, no, well... I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all.

Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again! Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box, but 'tain't no need to fear me.

I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Uh, on the other hand,

Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary.

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

Please use the beeps. Oh!

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

(EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family. What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm!

Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep.

Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

Shall we go a-trousering? Fry, I appreciate the gallantry, but isn't this a bit much? You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love. (SIGHS) Okay. Fine. Here, take my hand. (SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS)

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible.

Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen.

Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous. Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news. I regret ever running him over. Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender.

And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS)

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter?

It's my dad. Quick, hide! (GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing. I was just playing foosball. By myself. I thought I told you to kill those foos. (RUSTLING IN CLOSET) LRRR: Hmm...

Really? I'm gonna lick Herbert Hoover's head. Lick the head! Lick the head! Whoa! A speakeasy! One prohibited beverage, please. Hey, Dutch, the new still is here!

Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

(GROANS) Amy, quit using my punching bag for golf ball target practice.

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

- An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell. Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you.

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant. Ow!

Call me a booger blaster. I'll blast a booger so hard that-- Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney. You've changed, Fry. What? I haven't changed.

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture. Well, looks like this party's winding down.

Leela back yet? Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky!

a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Whoo! I've never felt so energetic! (SCATTING) That's because the doomsday device I shoved all up in you puts out 50 gigawatts. That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING)

You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home! (BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir!

Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram!

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

I know, but I forgive you.

Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

the people of Earth had no memory of what had transpired, except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say.

Look, are you the original were-car or not?

Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy. So, where are you going to stay? Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous.

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead.

It's Zoidberg, the lovable tramp! Since when are you performing at children's parties? Performing? What? Please. If someone could spare me money to buy shoes--

Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell. I once got drunk and ate my big toe. Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor. Jiggers! I dropped my sexton in the stew. (HORN BLARING) Been up north

That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir. Um, may I have a beer, sir? No, you're loyal enough already.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can! As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure!

Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare

I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little...

You may go, Louisa. Now I get it.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova,

Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists?

No, our cart! We count on that for our job that we do. Pee-u.

Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut! Well, well, well, if it isn't Lee Lemon the flaming star of Brannigan's Rough Rangers.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine!

And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions?

Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Clamps, Bella, get in the way-back. (BELL TINKLING)

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there. Incredible! Zoidberg had friends?

Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops.

You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Work faster-- like this!

Prepare for the stereophonic experience.

Yes, definitely. Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you.

They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover.

Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill. Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud... of the mud planet Decapod 10! Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy?

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on! Pardon me.

Okay, that's it.

Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up.

Planet Express is on the move! For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me.

Then along came Bender. Hmm?

It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys. That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh! Then the answer is no.

How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No.

G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot.

Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore!

Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.?

Oh! Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on.

It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo. It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn. Wait! What's that?

As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day.

Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need? (GRUNTING) Whoa, there's writing in here! Also, this grease is flammable.

Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Awesome. Awesome to the max!

FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez. (ALL BOOING)

Well, I suppose, but I mean,

Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that.

Now, listen here, the hunt is a hallowed tradition, and you Bambi-loving beatniks will never stop it. Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species. This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration.

Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh.

That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry.

You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless.

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry!

- Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic!

(BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump

Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww!

scoring 'round the clock!

I don't get it, Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great. You had just dumped me and were well on your way to getting your life back on track. Why'd you freeze yourself? Oh, Fry, after you left things took a turn for the worse. I got married. I'm sorry.

Hey, Captain Yesterday! Can I, like, wail on you...

And Vergon 6 is about to implode.

Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good!

Unless you have another invention up your sleeve. Hmm... How is this going to get us to Boston? (EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin.

Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice!

Enough! There will be no further questions.

My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers!

I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey! The creature!

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws? To find out, we'd have to recreate the conditions before the big bang.

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you! But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future!

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages.

Deviled egg? The same deviled egg. Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history?

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass.

Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good. Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams. Nice disguise, by the way. I won't say anything.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really?

(ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too.

Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our--

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy!

You can drink with me, maybe?

A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh?

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here.

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky,

Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy.

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories.

Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over. Well, uh, we'll be leaving now. If you could just sign this form saying you received the atom. I'm not signing squat.

We commend the body of the great Hamenthotep... to the abode of the damned. The damned good-looking. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah.

I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa

Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING) Whoo! I've never felt so energetic! (SCATTING) That's because the doomsday device I shoved all up in you puts out 50 gigawatts.

War were declared.

(CHEERING DRUNKENLY) Fahrvergnugen! Kaiser Permanente! Fruzen Gladje! Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters! Eins, zwei, drei, vier, lift your Stein and drink your beer!

That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink.

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

(ROARING) Well, the statue's perfect now. Too bad we won't make it back in time for the memorial service. We'll make it. Or die trying. FRY: Ah! We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

You ruined my life! Goodbye!

That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story.

Check it out, y'all. Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts.

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show.

I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip!

My work here is done.

That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business."

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

Good morning! Geez, who died? I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her!

Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No!

That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement...

What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS) I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white.

- Never! - Never! Never!

I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single.

Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot!

Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover. (SIGHS) Fine. You'll get your cut. I don't really care about the money anyway. I just want to show those poor, disadvantaged orphans that they can succeed in life. Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person.

(ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. "You've been warned, people." He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth tendrils moving. "So, Mr. Conrad, did you enjoy the show?" Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret.

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Neanderthal? Yeah, I think somebody called me that. (SHIVERING) I'm kind of chilly. I don't suppose you have a... (GRUNTS) (ANIMAL WAILS) Oh! Still warm! So, what's this delivery to McPluto?

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

Gross! Ick! Mm.

You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle?

I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

And now, let us salute that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag, Ol' Freebie. I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Slop's on! Fine-lookin' eats.

And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home. We'll try to respect your independence and freedom. No! I want the real teen experience--

I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate.

Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you. Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal. Well, if that new guy can't handle things, give me a call. I'm done siphoning out the grease trap.

Okay. Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me! Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire.

I could take him or leave him. I'm back for my son! I've come to take him and leave with him! (GASPING) She beat you to both things! It's okay, Son, Mama's here now.

My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

Okay. Don't panic. I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm.

No, that's what being a magical elf is all about. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

Why? Says who? Because. And says me.

And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside. Pretty good story, hey, Hermes? Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle! It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved...

Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human.

Well, I'm sure Bender's fanny is tired. As soon as this storm passes, let's be on our way. (CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente. Thank you for your glorious beacon.

I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

So, you called my thesis a fat sack of barf, and then you stole it? Welcome to academia. He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy!

Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that.

I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender.

And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots. Um, uhh.

Oh! Bone whittling. I used to love that.

- Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?

No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot. From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing.

And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

Today, I've personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony. Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove.

Well, I'm not doing it. It's a robot holiday. Really? Which one? Only Robanukah-- The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar. Oh, come on, Bender. Last month it was Robamadan, and before that Robanzaa.

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents. I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important. Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me! I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you.

I suggest Gorgak, the previous appointee. I will be a forceful and effective administrator. You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister. I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship.

No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow,

- Never! - Never! Never!

Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table. The captain's table. What an honor. Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine.

Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night. Well, um-- Heh. The, um-- H-Hello. 'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff.

Behold once more the mighty Clone-O-Mat,

(EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today.

Better than nothing.

I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service.

But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind.

Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey? Leela, I knew I could never make it up to you, so I did the next best thing. I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations.

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor.

My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me! The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil...

Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it!

She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.

How are you doing there, Fry?

Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death. (GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace.

Fry? Wow. Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

An omen? Dinner. Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty.

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23?

Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back. You know, boy, this was the last time I ever saw my family. (SNIFFLES) (BLOWING NOSE)

If you'll excuse me. Quick! Whoo!

You are so smart.

- Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

I don't wanna go.

Ugh! When the mine caved in, the entrance was blocked by a fusion explosion. Luckily, the miners found safe haven here in the doom chamber. To rescue them, you'll simply have to fly to the sun and march in through an inferno of molten plasma.

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool. I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh? Yes, but there are so many, asking so much. After a while, you just sort of tune it out. You know, I was God once.

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike?

Leela, Leela Leela, save him Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy.

Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death. (GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace. You may be gelatinous, but not even the Mochi Phantom could perform such intricate motions! Says you, salary-man.

I said "us." Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody. What about us, Mr. the Offender? Well, obviously, I need floozies. Let's roll.

Fry, are you all right?

Come on. That should be more than enough fuel to get us out of here. Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING) Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant...

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh!

(CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

Elves are back.

some kind of blob monster, and Petunia! The extra clicking you'll hear is gonna be my hip. FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing,

but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart. The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever. Stay strong, Fry.

Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything, even the big bang that created the universe. All that's left is the mathematics. Put down h-bar, carry the infinity, and...

And this time I mean it!

Poke harder, damn it!

The butler, Dr. Zoidberg! Let's see who this so-called butler really is. (THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you.

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you. Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie?

Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it! (YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper.

No one messes with Mom. Quiet, you.

Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too. But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realize I love Flexo!

so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others.

No, sir. Not us FARTers!

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin.

Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is.

No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you?

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it. Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One.

See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

That's a complete load. Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it.

Where's Leela? Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan. Good morning, lover.

Leela, Leela Leela, save him Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy! You and Morgan were having an affair?

Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate.

And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way.

No! No! Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker. But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for-- this mindless turtle. Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close.

So, we'll have to stay up here and lower you with the winch. Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans. I'll try to keep that in mind. Hmm, he seems pretty angry.

Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Timber! Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car? Maybe if you clean up first. It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body.

Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know.

My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks.

To think I borrowed money from you. I was going to ask you to marry me. I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope. You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right. Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp! Has the jury reached a verdict?

(SNEEZES) Sorry.

Mon, you had one hell of a day. Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine. Still, to have your own pool. I've made a lot of bad choices in life.

There but for the flip of a coin go we.

You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again, I'm just gonna stay in my room!

But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah!

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters?

Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Chief! Me find huge hole melted in ice, out past Cesar Chavez ridge! Hole go all the way outside! This very interesting. Maybe someone look into it, many years from now. But, Chief, this means we're not trapped anymore!

Get a load of that! I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far.

We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile... Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there.

i'M walkin' on SunShine oh-oh-oh woo-woo-woo-woo woo-woo woo-woo-woo-woo i'm walkin' on sunshine whoa, whoa, whoa That-a-boy, Seymour. Right here waiting for me, as always. just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me. The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?

- Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar.

Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back.

Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news. I regret ever running him over. Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute.

Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy, giant spiders.

Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

You really want a robot for a friend?

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom!

This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus. Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening?

We'll meet again Don't know where I don't know when

Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair. But Fry-- His jacket-- And when I woke up, it was on me! You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out.

I sure wish they could come with us. (ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia?

Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy? No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this.

- Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies!

I meant your wallet.

What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die! I know, right? I'd murder him good, if only I was still alive. Hmm... Bender, would you like to make a deal? I'm not stupid. So, yes, absolutely. What have I agreed to?

And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight. You're bogarting my patience. Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans. Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

- Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance!

Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine... just get to work. "I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na." I agree. The point is it's just so humiliating working for that man.

Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times.

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk.

Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?" (LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs.

Big Bender starts right now.

You doing all right out there, buddy?

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake.

Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers. Yeah, remember who your real friends are. I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

(GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh.

It's a suppository. How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha!

We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh!

Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Professor, we need to talk, man-to-mob. (INDISTINCT GRUMBLING) We've had it with Zoidberg! We demand you fire him!

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up.

Keep going. We're right behind you. Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser.

You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him! (SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee.

He's twitching like Zoidberg when someone mentions the word "food." What now?

Come out with your hands up! hostages! Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch!

Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu.

Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that? I'm 12.

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Tonight at 11:00...

Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three!

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times.

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now.

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations,

To the ship! Which ship? Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move!

So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory! Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

(MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone

Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

And by some tech-support guys in India. But I read in Esqwired magazine that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department.

Man, these hands do everything but pick your nose.

You just lost $5.00.

It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! I tell you, being here really takes me back to my college days.

You ruined the joke, Hermes. There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra!

Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

I wouldn't want to be me right now. Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here.

Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow! I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

I get it! (ZAPP YODELING) We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what?

Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart. You're ugly! (LAUGHING)

I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela.

Sadly, that has not happened. You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now!

Not another dream!

Come on, Bender! If you're done scamming Beck, we're heading home. All right, all right. Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up.

What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy.

Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court!

It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied.

Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians.

AMY: It's working. His acting module is booting up.

You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean.

And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them!

Hurry. The escape pods should be just ahead. Faster. It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

It comes from a flower on his home planet. You mean it's ocephalus nectar? Oh, my. Oh, dear. It's found in a rather remote region... Just play along. This could be our chance for romance. Come on, ladies. Let's take a little trip to Kif's planet. We'll gather some nectar and have a nice, romantic weekend.

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

I am one hungover cryogenicist. just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss. I think you're forgetting our motto.

Back in my old uniform. And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig.

Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh!

Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case.

It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant.

Ah, my home away from home. By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time!

They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut.

and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved.

I suppose I could part with one and still be feared. Gimme some skin, Prof.

Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend. Amazing grace How...

While you await your "friend," allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern. "These unique rock formations "were created over millions of years by mineral-rich water, "dripping from pores in the ceiling. "Dripping and dripping, year upon year,

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

And non-union action! I like ice cream.

Kicked your ass.

Show us this... the wheel. There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow!

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you.

We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo! So, uh, Flexo... sorry about crushing your body like that. You okay now? Well, I don't feel as bad as you look. Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid.

(DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann. (GASPS) Eureka!

No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind. This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend.

So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really?

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry!

It could also be something much better. Prepare to enter...

(GRUNTING) Pitiful and sickening. Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done. My best wasn't good enough. I'll need my personnel file, please.

- (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING HOARSELY)

No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room! Until she sneaks out. When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel!

No! No! No! No!

The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Stop them! They cheated! Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah...

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See?

(CHOKES) Not at all. Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her!

I've not much money but I've saved my pennies all year for a gift for Mom. Upsy-daisy. Oh. Oh...

"Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex. Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more!

You know the ones I mean. Yea, Fry! I watch TV with that guy.

(GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning. Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth.

De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen!

Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash Then let me get right to the point I don't boil my pot for every Crab I see

Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend.

You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock. - Can I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow? - Nah. I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood. Uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires? Mm, I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved underarms.

Hey, it's Leela. Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone?

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump.

It's the symbol of Bender's old religion. Unbelievable. It's an actual, factual robot hell. Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow.

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle! Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution.

I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives!

Where is the great fountain? What makes it so great? Why does a robot need a codpiece? Fie, thou fen-suckled bum-bailey! Thou willst never pry information from these mechanical lips! Just tell us, already. Okay, the fountain thou seekest is...

That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger. Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie, so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene.

We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes!

Shake paws, Nibbler. Come on. Shake. He might be a little hungry. Shake, boy! Usually he's had more ham by now. Shake!

Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check. Welcome! Oh, I'm just so excited! I'm Sheldon, and this is my chief financial officer, Gwen. For 30 years, we've shared the adventure of managing Romanticorp.

(RUMBLING) (GROANING)

- Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose! just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like,

Come on. Come on!

Comin' through! Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker?

I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course.

I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers

Look. We've got mail for Santa. Are you his elves? We're not elves. We're Neptunians. We're just shrimpy because he doesn't feed us. You hit me. You owe me a dollar. Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food?

Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender!

Welcome to Hollywood. I must warn you-- There's no refund if you get discovered and leave the tour. I'm just kidding. That never happens.

Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon?

just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine.

Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket. Shut up. You're distracting me. Come on, it's just like making love. You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees engage rotor. I know how to make love.

Off on your first delivery, eh? You be careful, my little tinkler. Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler.

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket. Can't beat fresh-squeezed.

(GULPS) I'm fine. (CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it. From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from. We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

The buggalo! They're in the crater! The rustlers must have seen me coming and run off scared. Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us!

Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts.

Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks. I can finally afford my speech therapy. And the health plan covers my generic Prozac. Electricity, plumbing, our lives are a jillion times better. And it's all thanks to you, Leela.

Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying.

The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"!

When I screamed, "Help," I didn't mean you! I apologize. However, I was able to do your job before I saved your life.

How can you people be so blasÉ?

Hey, you think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler.

Just as I feared. Attack-type J. No! No! Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh.

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest.

I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums,

All you could eat. Oh, take me in your arms and compress me! Compress me tight!

Now, let's all get back to the ship. What for? We're rescuing you. I don't want to be rescued. Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

Here, I'll point it at jupiter. Smells like strawberries. Exactly. And now Saturn. Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great.

Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce.

Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too.

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better. If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this.

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons.

You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final!

One, two! one, two, three!

Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

That name is for your sake. In the time it would take to pronounce one letter of my true name, a trillion cosmoses would flare into existence and sink into eternal night.

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING)

This is more important than that marble-eating contest, Fry.

And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps, but we, like, totally dissed Moose! Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose. But in the meantime, I have good news!

Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones,

I don't know. Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan. just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner. Let's see. Oh, yes. Yes, definitely. Mmm, I'd like some of that. Mmm.

(WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke.

Has the jury reached a verdict?

Free soda for all humans!

Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce!

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places.

What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then.

Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-- Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Hey, guys. Welcome to my parents' 40th anniversary party. I'm bored. Let's drink.

AMY: Shmeepers, it's the Land Titanic, the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed. (WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus. Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye. Zoidberg, show some respect.

(WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS)

And now with his annual Xmas message,

Man, those executives are crazy. Calculon's the greatest actor ever! Thank you, Bender. I appreciate your honesty. Quiet, robots! They're showing Calculon's star on the Walk of Fame! Ah, yes. I'll always have that.

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV!

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit. I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender. And don't skimp on the nasty. There'll be no further nasty.

(SOUNDS HORN) Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way.

Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors?

Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp.

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons...

Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack. Thanks for the help, Leela.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

Heart. Take. I've got four of them.

Everybody kick in five bucks.

(BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it! Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS)

You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING)

I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "Smizmarr,"

Yes, a big, smart brain. Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right? Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense. Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here.

Missed it by that much. Oh, no, they caught my scent.

Nezzbin Zalgabarg, Ten-Minute Underwear, and Dwight Conrad, Speedy Wig. And the Clippie goes to... Little Johnny Jensen!

You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score.

We were defeated in battle. BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her.

We are cleared for takeoff. You put Goofus and Ganja in charge? I'm the only trained pilot here. (LAUGHING) Please, Leela. Who ever heard of a plane with a woman President? Welcome to Plan Am flight one to Acapulsar. The local time on Acapulsar is five years from now.

and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me! We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me!

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it!

I suppose if I have an Achilles' heel, it's because I bought it at that same auction. Indeed so. Most indeededly. Careful with that, you fool! No! No! But possibly yes. What is it, Professor?

a second Earth on which to begin anew. Okay. Admission, $20. I can't believe it. Fry sacrificed his spot for me, and I never even had a chance to thank him. Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever.

I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving (SCREAMING) What the hell is that?

Now this is what I call 1,000 years of progress. A Bavarian cream dog that's also self-microwaving. Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer.

And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.

Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

We made it! And some of the animals survived. So a couple of animals didn't die, and Leela got lucky. That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary--

Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

(CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING) (ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING)

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection. (ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

Very observant, Professor.

Come over here. Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube.

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What?

We can definitely escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam.

Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him. I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen!

Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage.

Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

(GROANING) Quick, we must find out what he knows before he flays himself to death!

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say.

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance.

I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that...

Welcome to this year's academy symposium. I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.

Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in The Last Supper. The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap.

And I can't take life anymore! Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History... will be robbed tomorrow at exactly 9:00 a.m.

It's got a real nice profit margin. Bam! So, special occasion tonight? Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's happened! Bam? I've met the most dynamite ladybot. Hey, that's terrific. To celebrate, I'm gonna stick seven copies of my latest cookbook on your bill.

Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here.

Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked.

Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote. Very well. I shall comply.

I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job. Welcome aboard, son. Father-O!

Hey, what kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker. Don't be a drag, man. We're jacking on. O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah! Want a jolt?

Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look.

Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

You owe me one.

Who put this in here?

Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs.

Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again.

WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty.

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.

Uh, something about poison, got it. By the way, that surgeon, where is he? You! Where's the butcher? Ma'am, I don't know, ma'am. His duffel bag arrived. (GRUNTING) It's not a duffel bag. It's my apartment!

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable.

Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit. Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat.

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh! No.

Quickly. To Mount Shushmore!

You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

(SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it.

W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout-- Destructor, a robotic armored tank whose very use in battle has been ruled a war crime...

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know?

Hello. Hello, baby! Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me? Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

Mom, Dad, Grandma, this is where I work. Oh! Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party? Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life. I am partied out! Dang. Sorry we missed it.

Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

May we help you, strange ones? We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged.

We love it here.

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping. This is it. We'll just run in, grab Bender's disk, and run out. Got it? Mm-hmm. Wow!

Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

Leela, I think you're missing the big picture.

Stay calm, dearest. I'll save you! Kif! You're flying Betsy! Need a lift? Oh! Oh! Ooh! Great Mother Mars.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun!

BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am.

I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

He looks radiant. Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed.

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset?

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Morbo? Thanks, human female. Puny earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York. Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

And... cut! Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh? Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great.

There you go. What have I done? Your training is complete, little dessert spoon. Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion...

That was a close call, but we saved Earth. Was it as good for you as it was for the human race? Oh, Zapp. Let's save another planet right now! (SNORING)

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy. AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved.

We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like.

Where's the Professor? Probably dead. Already dissolving in a bathtub, if we're lucky.

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Give this to my son. You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots.

Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear...

Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha! Uh, get-- getting back to the matter,

Look out, Earth. I'm dreaming of a red Xmas. Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh.

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Greetings, eco-tourists! I am the grand butterfly curator... This week. Yeah, yeah, you can teach us to respect nature later. Right now, we've got some flowers to suck dry. Suck them, burn them... As long as they're not butterflies, I don't give a grand crap. But take heed! For you see, it is mating season.

Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated. Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Okay, kids, get ready to be subjected to our new fall shows. Mr. Funny-Bunny here will gauge your reaction by bombarding your brains with harmless snuggle rays. He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

then walk away and light a cigar.

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge.

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh!

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here.

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups.

my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

And that's how you end hunger. Does anyone have any questions? I do, I do! Me, Bender! Yes, the robot with the megaphone jumping up and down. I have a question for Senator C. Zaxxar Travers. (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Tell me, Zaxxar,

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

(POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced,

Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense. Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial? In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that. Aha! Prepare to be thought at!

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium. What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short--

We will give back girl when we get back planet surface. - How do we even know she's alive? - I'm fine. Shh! You're weakening our bargaining position.

Please. It's important to me. - What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know.

We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends.

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures.

I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow! Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really?

there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Squeaky, squishy clean. But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who or what we want! ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! Every other couple has the right to marry. Robot and fembot, man and woman,

Ow! Hey, watch it!

Well, here goes nothing.

Mom, Dad, I'm sure you remember Fry, Leela, Bender, and of course my Fonfon Ru, Amy. KIF'S MOTHER: Welcome to our home. KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me. Wait, you're flies. Don't you eat excrement? KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this.

My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision. Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault. Oy. All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before I die. What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before?

Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it.

We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want--

Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother! I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax-- For duck huntin'. Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics?

He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves.

Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle. Hey, that's not that bad.

I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah. We're slowing down. Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler.

Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question.

Okay, that's a start. That's very Earth-friendly. Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too?

Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

(GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING)

Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one.

Indeed so. Most indeededly. Careful with that, you fool! No! No! But possibly yes.

Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow! NO-O-O-o!

Yeah. We're slowing down. Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts?

but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience,

That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough. You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids.

Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew. And now, let us salute that beloved symbol of freedom,

Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

It's all the same crap.

That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth.

It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow!

Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head,

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now.

Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon!

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him.

- Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS) Well? What did you get on Travers? Is he a draft dodger? Sex offender? Sex dodger? Nada. He's clean. I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers. Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar? Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens.

Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood! Sweden? I don't think so!

Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile!

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones.

Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot.

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends. Ah, I knew that. What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine! Really, it's the steward's fault.

and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy. You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me.

Bonjour. Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions? Why, certainly. Step over here. These are the dark-matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours. That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light.

We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody.

What's going on? Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character? I feel like I lost weight. All of it. Remarkable! It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland?

- (DOOR OPENS) - Hey, guys. Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door?

And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness. Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine.

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life.

This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear?

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.

Sandstorm! - We're in the eye of the storm! - Where? What's that?

I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no. Someone should tell him. Tell me what?

My mother always said you were a loser, Fry. Now get out there and prove her wrong. Beth said that?

Welcome back, Lord Nibbler, Ambassador to Earth, home world of the pizza bagel. Thank you. I bear many receipts for reimbursement.

Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five

Futurama is brought to you by Arachno Spores, the fatal spore with the funny name.

If it takes forever I Will wait For you

No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve. It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo.

How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal--

Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do.

So, you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams? Of course. But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful. It's like brainwashing.

That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there.

Bender, no. That park ranger explicitly gave us a vague warning. Look, the hammer's already out, I got to smash something. (GROWLING)

Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No?

sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

Okay, let's clone us some dog. Yeah!

Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel.

I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ahhh! Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch.

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday!

His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior!

it just comes back in a new form.

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES)

Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus!

We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth!

Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it.

I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag.

I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich!

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no."

I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you.

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can. Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is.

Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

All right, let's just rescue them and get out of here. Hooray, they're saved!

Why can't you accept his help? I hate him!

Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs. Lightspeed fits today's active lifestyle whether you're on the job or having fun. Lightspeed briefs--

but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Either way. (WHINES) Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch. Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do.

That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it!

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.

I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog...

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew.

Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering. Donbot? Motion denied. Prosecutor, call your first witness.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big.

Oh! If only we had a toboggan. Faster! Faster!

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy!

Oh, really? Tell that to your old friend, the giant. (SCREAMS) Where is he? Oh, God, he's invisible now! Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan. Aha! You see? I freed him from your infernal contraption and he returned to normal. On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism.

That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears. Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy... acting talent! I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker!

Hey, it's Leela. Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone? It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table.

will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30,

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do.

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

(CHEERING DRUNKENLY) Fahrvergnugen! Kaiser Permanente! Fruzen Gladje! Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters!

Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks. Oops. Sorry.

It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.

By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle.

I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves. Well, good night. I had a great time. How about a lift... to your place?

There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph.

Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely?

Fry, my friend, I found your pants. And no sign of that crafty badger. All right! Lucky pants!

(ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap!

That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea!

Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING)

To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots. Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable.

Methinks a clever manbot, suitably disguised, might win those events. But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace. What do you mean I'm not registered?

I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much. Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever!

Wait a second! If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme,

I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone. The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you.

Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind!

A quantum interface bomb? Are you insane in the membrane? You got it, Poindexter! Not good! Detonation in T-minus 60 Earth seconds.

So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger?

You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh!

Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority.

See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please!

You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them.

Wake up, my king. Oh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would ya?

Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid!

Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze under there. No one except a legendary limbo champion. Oh, Hermes. Ooh, it's been a while. Ah!

Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing.

Well, editing is a long and expensive process, but we spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday.

(GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES) Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No.

Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid. (SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal.

I amuse myself.

Ah. Leela, Leela Leela, save him

Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

Yahoo! The system fails again!

I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

Damn. You got knocked up by a police officer while he was looking for your kidnapped child? Sure did! I still got it. So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy.

No more crystalline opal left in all the world, don't you know? My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit. The Queen? Sounds most satisfactory. All of you, out!

I keep my personal and professional life separate.

We're so proud of everything that you are, and we always will be... because you're our baby girl. Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!

Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh He's doing it again.

You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up!

What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay. Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror. Will a money order be okay? Yes.

Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey!

Your training is complete, little dessert spoon.

Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name?

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad.

Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww!

FARNSWORTH: I've seen this before. Langdon Cobb must be from Bryoria Six, home of the quantum lichen people. Well, that explains that. They're attention parasites. They feed on the admiration of their prey. Just like the noble buffalo. Nothing like a buffalo.

But remember who the star is-- me, Bender.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute!

(HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids. In my day, sound didn't travel through space.

Yes, the Bible is the real good news.

(WAILING) I have no free will! I am not the master of my own fate! (SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault. Why do you care so much, Bender? I mean, for all we know, humans don't even have free will.

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile! Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them?

Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker.

Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain.

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver.

Your Honor, the prosecution roosts. (SQUAWKS)

Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now. I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and--

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong!

(SHRIEKS) I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white. Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever.

They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

I know I should, but I just can't. Remember when I had those stomach worms that made me smart? I could play the holophonor, and it made Leela like me. Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday. I'd really like to have somebody there. Please?

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor. (SIGHS) Instead of making the ship faster,

Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty?

So, unlike me, it's entirely leakproof. Now, once you've hauled the tanker past the protestors--

(MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate--

We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye! Welshie!

I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

Look, a single mother! Let's get her! (ALL SHOUTING)

- Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this.

We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they.

I'd like everyone to meet our new employees. Uh... which ones are new?

I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three.

You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

ANNOUNCER: First, Gerald must find a female robot. The best he can do is Francine. (BUZZING) After beer and hot wings at a local gas station, the two enjoy intimate time behind a dumpster. It's all perfectly natural.

No, they were assassinated.

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening.

(DOOR CREAKS SHUT)

Let's try him out. Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me.

(COUGHS) Wha... What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention? (SCREAMING) (GASPS) That was amazing. Oh, you were so brave and frugal. I'm sorry. Don't hit me.

Come here, boy! Pet, pet, pet. Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable! jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek.

Is that so much to ask? Well, I think you dating a manbot is a disgrace. And I refuse to be involved. And you have way too much lipstick on! Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't! No way!

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for.

Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here? By far, the most important thing is oil To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil No, we pour the holy lubricant out from this sacred vessel

Everything? Except that.

I gotta get outta here! Leela

(SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard?

What? Admit it. You felt somethin' for me tonight. And by "me" I mean Flexo. Hey, look, I had fun, but-- - But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

I have formed an idea.

You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars. Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body! Catering. Oh-- Ohh.

It's going to be clamp this, clamp that badda-climp, badda-clamp.

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous.

We'll see ourselves out. Wait, I did it. I got Leela a ticket. (GASPS) How did you do that? Ah-ah-ah. A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o. That guy stinks.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

(WHISPERS) I hope it's me. Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

May I have one too, wife? Ah, you're both pathetic-- being jealous of your own offspring.

I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me? Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married?

Careful. This is the most...

Hmm. I better check the fluid levels. We're okay on Coke syrup. Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

The keys to the ship!

Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either. Leela's going nuts, and I can't save her... unless I learn more about her mysterious past. Isn't there anything else you can tell me?

Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? And clean the black parts too. Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours.

Yeah... bam yourself. Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table?

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money?

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

The weasel! Ha-ha! Hey, listen, Skippy. I was supposed to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the thousandth anniversary screening of jury Duty 2. How come I'm not there? I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what?

(ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year. This calls for a party, baby. I'm ordering 100 kegs, 100 hookers and 100 Elvis impersonators who aren't above a little hooking, should the occasion arise. Be very gentle, folks.

That's exactly what I was thinking. Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough.

Leela, is the person that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy? Yes. My parents were so hurt. I couldn't help it! But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone. We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting.

In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth. Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please.

It's good that Leela doesn't love us. She'll be less sad when we die.

In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent. Meow.

You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah.

We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! We've been hired to make our 100th delivery.

That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long.

What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender!

I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse.

A good Republican body. God, I loved it. I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love-- Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong. So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right?

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

it infects the human brain. I like it. The million followers will become an army of zombies eager to obey my every command! (LAUGHING) The important thing is, we're a family. No, it's not!

How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

If that is your Freedom Day wish.

it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it!

What the... No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming! As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.

The name's Bender.

Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

Oh, gee! Bull's-eye!

What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose.

Ugh! And the aftertaste. What is it? I burned my finger.

Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.

Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games,

Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING) There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet. Oh, geez.

Shh! You're not cops, right? Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez anyone? Right this way.

Hey, you wrote it!

Don't even think about tickling that ganglion.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

I did! I think. It was probably about 50-50. But that's how I really felt about you, I swear. I don't know. Please, give me a chance to be romantic on my own. I've got a Baggie of massage oil, and I'm gonna give you my super back rub, just like I used to give Amy when I was going out with her, and she always seemed to-- Uh-oh.

(CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal!

I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid. You lost, and you made it look almost half-real. I want you to have this card good for ten percent off at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest!

So should we turn it off now? Uh, well, uh, that depends what's on. Nothing good.

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw! That was fun.

No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky.

That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch to discuss my Hollywood dreams.

(SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you. Wait, it doesn't matter the color of your berries. After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow. Shucks, I never thought of it that way. Sorry, cheddar-head.

Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

That stench-- That heavenly stench.

Hey, hey. What's wrong? Was it something Leela said? We come-a to Earth to start new life,

Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there! And not clown fundamentals!

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

(FIRING STOPS) Look, let's just agree that gang violence is an important issue with no easy answers. Okay. Anyway, the ship's still here. And nothing was stolen. BENDER: Yeah, it was.

Translation-- boring. That's a good one. Ow! This "women only" planet is sounding better and better. I'm already looking for apartments. Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot?

But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together.

That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah.

You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder.

I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot, sting like an automatic stinging machine. Bender, you can't be an ultimate robot fighter. It's the most brutal form of competition in the galaxy. It is?

what say you, single female lawyer?

Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

The last thing I remember is losing all my memories. Who am I, one of you?

I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah!

Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it.

Ahh, beer. So many choices-- and it makes So little difference. How about LÖbrau? It has dots on it. Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody.

Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer. Ew, gross! Cut it out! Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack! Impossible! We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove!

Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines. You leave kitty cat alone! ALL: (EXCLAIMING) Kitty cat.

I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey!

We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa?

Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing.

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived...

The old dine-and-dash, eh?

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach!

- Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube.

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud.

(PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you!

We can't outrun it forever. Over there. Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it. Quick, get in.

It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it.

(CAR HORNS HONKING) Look out for that particular individual!

The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING) There. See? It was no big thing. What was that big thing?

Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

(ROBOTS SCREAMING)

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

Your turn, Nibbler honey. Herd those sheep!

Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry.

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it.

I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding.

Citizens of me!

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

Stop! Stop eating Popplers. Why? My booze! Popplers are intelligent. This one called me "Mama." Congratulations. I assume Amy is the father. Popplers can't talk. Leela must be hallucinating from not eating enough Popplers.

(ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things?

Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Another great thing was she always had room for dessert. (SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth! When we reach 72nd Street, jump! (GRUNTS) Ah!

But I thought you were terrified of outer space. I was, but then it hit me. If heaven's above us, then the whole universe is just God's glorious sewer.

Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell! No!

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there?

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty.

Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door. I don't need them--

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys.

Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions? Why, certainly. Step over here. These are the dark-matter engines I invented.

Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will. Well, I'm rich. Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated. Come on. It'll be fun.

The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy.

Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

I am the Grand Midwife! Hi. I am Kif of the Clan Kroker, come to bear my young. Then let the tea of new life be brewed,

Voila! He invented flying machines, war engines, submarines. Uh-oh. Nibbler died in the wall. That's not Nibbler. That's my most precious possession. Leonardo's beard! I paid a fortune for it at an auction of historic body parts.

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum.

We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

Bender, no! Fry, stay back! You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on.

Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted!

You're that Bubblegum Tate?

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

Bender, I'm proud of you for the sacrifice you made. Try and find solace in the fact that somewhere out there, your keister is doing good. (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) Well, my shiny friend, yer days of carousin' are over.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse. No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it. Ow!

Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency.

as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box. You know, maybe a certain blue lobster... saw where Professor hid the box.

It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

Also, mine has air conditioning.

Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger, more extreme cooking show viewer. Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ! Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking--

Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

If it takes forever I Will wait For you For A thOusand summers I Will

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.

There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

I love you, son. YANCY SR.: Now bundle up. I don't want you getting frozen.

For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Hello. We're here because we, uh... love our planet. Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation.

Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry.

I fail to see any problem, sir.

More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

(SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it.

Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf!

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with...

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.

That was the worst delivery ever. Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though.

(GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH)

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

Let the games begin! So I told Leela "Your request for a date is most flattering "but I must decline. "These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife."

Uh, okay. Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil. Down in front!

And his name is?

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

(GROANS) Help! Boy trapped in ice! Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING)

My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved. BOTH: Phew!

Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face!

Man, this place is a snooze. Hey, Fry, I challenge President Taft here to a pie-eating contest. You're on, skinny. Sorry, guys. You know the rules. No fun allowed. Come on, you pansy! I'm thirsty!

No batter, no batter! No batter anymore. Take your base.

Just a little bit

Aw, crap-- singing.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING) There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest!

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!

That's detention.

(HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these,

Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

No! I want to live.

I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela?

You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons.

Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me.

Yes! He's really showing us what a man with a cannon in his chest can do. No showboating, you atomic hot dog!

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me. At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries?

You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

Like a sexy Yogi Berra.

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen.

(SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor?

Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal.

I was delivering things before you were born. I think I know what I'm doing. Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty.

When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening!

(ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done.

Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point? I've never been able to put into words how I feel about you. But somewhere among these trillions of hearts, those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them.

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye.

Learning is fun.

Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez!

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts.

Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it! VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built.

After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist.

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand. Well, you were going to live in the closet anyway. Won't you be just as happy back in your old place? But... then we wouldn't be roommates. I'll come visit sometime, and you can visit me here.

I can't take it anymore! They've been at it for hours! Give it a rest, you two! Sorry!

And just recently, I learned of a modern-day Farnsworth who invented the Anti-Senility Truss. That's you, Professor. Wha...

Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind!

I don't feel well. Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind.

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets. Say, do you know Obliteron? He pretends to be a hamster, but...

Whoa! Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads. You, minion, lift up my arm. After him!

I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash. Oh! I don't get it. Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table?

As long as we're together, it'll feel like a castle to me. Kif, I'd love to live with you... someday, but before then, there's still lots I wanna do on my own. What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

Look, let's just agree that gang violence is an important issue with no easy answers. Okay. Anyway, the ship's still here. And nothing was stolen. BENDER: Yeah, it was. I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY)

Just stwoke its fwuffy fur.

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems...

As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

On what grounds do you challenge my authority? Well, I'm older than you. I can beat you up.

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the...

Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!

Everyone, help Mom find her bra. Ew! There it is. Fan beats man!

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt.

Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore.

A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A." - Question. - Yes? You stink. Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium...

Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet!

Oh! Why? And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way.

Fry, you go with Bender.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

It really is beautiful.

That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too. Interesting. You wish to cook, but as a robot, you have no sense of taste. Oh, it's so unfair! I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste.

So how are we supposed to eat and digest? Got it. Well, since we have no digestive systems here, I guess we'd better get back to the third dimension after all.

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go? Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk.

who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might. Yeah, you'd better run.

So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package. Whoa!

Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

These people seem really mild-mannered. They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now. You touched me in ways I've never been touched before. Ah, there you are, Your Majesty.

That'll be $10,000.

Hi-yah! Let's commence preparations for rumbling!

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

What was that? A tar dolphin or a tar shark? It's some kind of hollow tube devoid of human life. The Los Angeles subway! We can blast our way in and escape! All right, but I still feel like having a shoe.

I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves.

(DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

Well, let me think it over. Let's go already! (OWL HOOTING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free. Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. (ELECTRONIC WARBLING)

Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that! Okay. I like a challenge. Um, no.

Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back.

The clam, Elzar. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am.

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky?

I never thought I'd live to see this tree again. Thank you for staying with me, Fry. I'm not Fry. I'm his great-great-grandson, Fry. You are? My beak is different, see? It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island. Watch!

So, you're not from Earth after all. Of course I'm from Earth. Wait a second. There's no Earth certificate, but it does say your mother was admitted to the maternity ward. This morning! (GASPS) (SIGHS) I should have known the truth would come out sooner or later.

Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

"By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww!

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn.

This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished?

All right! Come on, now!

- Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

Mine is called a droid-el and it's rigged to make you pay

Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas. Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated!

Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves.

I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING)

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened?

Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week! A hundred dollars a week!

Ohh. It's true.

There. The engine modifications are complete. Prepare for launch. Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here!

Nowadays, cool kids like me mash up our own phone-isodes.

After that, I don't know.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh!

There. Now no one will be able to say I don't own John Larroquette's spine. Aha! My brother's grave. "Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it.

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter.

(SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others! Good night, dumb prince.

Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke,

I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl, but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception. Yeah, and you better get rid of whatever's causing it or we're out of this dump. Relax, Sonny. This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No!

Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

(CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and...

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal? He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together.

(SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum.

A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped.

Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan. You know Zapp Brannigan? Let's just say we've crossed paths. Was that before or after you slept with him?

(GRUNTS) Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults.

Blern! Bler-r-r-rn! All right! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns.

No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me, but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me. That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here.

(IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster!

In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning. Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself? But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.

We're gonna crash!

One year to go. Six months.

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms. I'm dying. (WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me.

Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore.

Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster. What are you, my driver's license? Eating a sweet, innocent chick before it's even hatched? Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal. I'm going to keep this egg safe and warm and secure until it hatches out into the world. And then I'm going to eat it.

That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kevorking.

Wait a second. Here comes Leela! They have her totally outnumbered.

No! Help! Thank God this log is sturdy.

Yeah, we've been through a lot, me and my sax. May I noodle? Please. It's been a long time.

I'm telling you. The Y2K computers got him.

Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town. That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found. Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot.

Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. Come on, Dad. Shuffle faster! You don't wanna miss the unveiling of our new company, do you? Company? How cute!

No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one. My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending. If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well

It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh! What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A?

I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

Out of the squad? I am the squad!

I've got it! We're in Rome!

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost.

I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean.

"Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

(GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology.

Bob Dole needs company.

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync. I was like, "Save them!" And he was all, "No problem."

I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions.

Clobberella Citizens, never fear Crazy do-good freaks are here Until they run out of steam Miracle Cream Miracle Cream Gives the power to the team its effects wear off for sure

Custard time? Hooray!

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion. And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines.

I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But...

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate? Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again.

and that's who's going to beat you. Josh Gedgie, boy scientist. Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie. YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse.

Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now.

Remember when you said "nobody leave" and then you turned your head briefly? He left an hour before that. (CHUCKLES)

You sure you want to be a bender, Son? More than anything. Just remember, your daddy loves you. Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that. (SOBS) Dad, are you crying?

It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela.

That lucky bastard. I say kill it! But it loves me, and I love it!

Hmm. Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer.

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie.

They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips. All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex. Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future.

Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air.

Peace out, y'all!

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Mushu, the educated whale who thinks he's better than you! Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman!

Give us back our genitals!

What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm?

My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once. It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers.

(SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh.

This is a monkey. Yes, definitely. Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you.

of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer, using high-speed telepathy.

I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete.

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body? (IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body!

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different.

You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya?

(BELL TINKLING)

This is my best protest sign ever,

Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment. Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope. She always liked not being observed with a telescope.

remember me To one who lives there She once was A true love of mine We're home.

Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this!

I got me some whale oil, some squirrel oil. Not kosher! It has to be petroleum oil! Do you not give a damn about the hallowed traditions of Robanukah? I reckon I do not. Anyways, Earth done run out of petroleum oil. (ALL GASP) I tried to warn you. One unit of free, limitless solar power, please.

You'd be stupid to try.

Just sit down. Happy Kwanzaa, brother men and sister men. Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in. Kwanzaa tradition encourages educational gifts. So I brought Dwight my book on mathketball. Whoa! Let me see that.

Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger. We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

Oh, no! That's my--

Hello, peasants.

Aw... what's the point?!

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

Good-bye, Seymour.

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy.

and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural. Except masturbation. That's just wrong. Oh! I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready!

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo!

Uh, it wasn't me. I've not much money but I've saved my pennies all year for a gift for Mom. Upsy-daisy.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY)

So lock the door and hit the floor 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight. Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

Count them: One. Not human. The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

Then, I'll take it.

Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No. I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't think so. You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot. There's always going to be someone smarter than you, so the only way to be happy is to make the most of what you've got. But you've got nothing. Oh, no?

What are we going to do, search building to building? FARNSWORTH: We'll start with that one.

Aah. I don't know how you did that.

Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret.

Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle! Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution. Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right? No question. So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt?

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly.

Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday.

And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that.

Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser. Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

Zoidberg away! Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body.

Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place. I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year. Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my.

Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan. You know Zapp Brannigan? Let's just say we've crossed paths. Was that before or after you slept with him? She's a beautiful ship, all right. Shapely, seductive. I'm going to fly her brains out.

What part of "nay" "doethn't" thou understand?

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right. Naturally, we're humiliated. That's why we need you, our loyal crew, to make Planet Express 800% more profitable. We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'. Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore!

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure.

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap. Behold! The Monastery of Deshuba.

That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids? There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg.

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control

All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

(GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS) I know! Let's outrun it!

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot," a mere automaton whose behavior is pre-programmed by his software.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE)

You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth. Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot?

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat. Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever.

Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can.

What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys.

A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring. That lucky bastard. I say kill it! But it loves me, and I love it! Kill them both! Killing them seems like a hassle. Can't we just set it free to live with its own kind?

Hooray! I knew you wouldn't let us down in any way. Well, how much did you get? Two! Two magic beans! (GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy?

Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it. Bender's in his office. Thanks.

(SLURPING IN UNISON) (ALL BELCHING)

Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry?

(EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody, I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy,

I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained. Hey...

All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew! Hey, I need that to smoke!

That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

You need to be on your best behavior. No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites, but at least Bender will party with me. Right, buddy? Whoa, whoa, whoa! I enjoy partying as much as the next fellow, but this is Oktoberfest. Good day, sir!

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela? I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen. But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else.

Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

That's a stupid question. What matters is Zapp Brannigan is the sorriest captain I've ever seen and I saw the idiot blow up DOOP headquarters with my own eye. I'd like to cross-examine the witness. I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not? Yes.

I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it.

Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's. Undercover pursuit in progress... baby.

Two, four, six, eight. Eating the flag is bad!

Because, my friends, she has no sense of smell. That explains it. I get it.

FARNSWORTH: I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man.

I think I got whiplash.

That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out. (GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity.

Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew!

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey... Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

Here we go. just a minute. Aha! And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty!

This is my ancestor, Philo Farnsworth, inventor of television, and as a bonus, childhood obesity. And here's Dean Farnsworth, developer of the Farnsworth Test for Colorblindness. Where is he, blast it?

Sir, what rescue operations are planned? The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium.

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral?

This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates. Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn't you, sir? She's a real beauty.

Here we go. Careful this time. Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in.

Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis?

Quiet! Call comin' in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief. (SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right. We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever.

Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work, and it's all thanks to Qbert. Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way,

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it!

(SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through! No, no, no, no, no!

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

10.77-- same as my PIN number.

Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times.

You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry? Trust me on this. While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world.

- And you, Bending Unit? - Uh, I never got the change. Suckers. Presenting Mom's friendly robots-- That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap.

Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING) (TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition? I don't have any hands.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz. But that's never gonna happen.

(GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat.

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh?

Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf?

you created an alternate future.

My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us.

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

Of course. They're not extinct yet. And if you need further proof that this is really a thousand years ago well, here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson. Ooh. Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie?

Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

Please! Please let me come with you. I can make myself taller. Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter?

This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig. What's this? Two meals in one week?

Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

"Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

I can't spell anything with these cards. Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery.

Welcome to the world of business.

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again.

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this?

What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

Quit makin' with the googly eyes. You know that I'm in love with Bender. Bender? That walkin' wuss factory? He may be a walkin' factory, but believe me, he is no wuss. Now look, you and me are through. I told you that when I divorced you. But goin' through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer.

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year.

(SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound? It's Mr. Peppy. I'd know him anywhere. Huh. So apparently, Major MacZongo and Mr. Peppy were each doing about half the sheep-killing. (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep.

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next!

Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them. Where you going, Bender? To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots. Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood?

No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body!

I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings.

The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors--

I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

I can't believe it. Fry sacrificed his spot for me, and I never even had a chance to thank him. Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever.

Taking all bets!

My marigolds! Thanks to that DNA sample you generously donated while locked in my tower, my beanstalks now have suction cups to keep them from collapsing. That's horrible! Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition. But not too cheap.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler.

The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete.

Yeah, good luck with that.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun!

Wow! Look at all this filth. It's not filth. It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century. Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate.

But you just... I'll figure it out later.

Relax, you babies. It's no different from stomping a puppy. (GRUNTING) Everyone, stop! He's not going to hurt you. I'm standing in a pool of my own feet! Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it! No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy! Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive,

It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets.

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead.

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat.

Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster. What are you, my driver's license?

Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God. Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you?

People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on?

You a big dummy!

It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead.

Hell, no. I am Fishy joe. I've got a fast-food franchise on every planet in the known universe except McPluto. Hey, Fishy, I've been meaning to write you about your in-store kiddie parks.

How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there.

How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs? He's right. You should go. We'll still be here tomorrow. Yeah, but what if I'm not? I mean, what if I never see you again, Mom? There's a lot of stuff I want to tell you. Well, like what?

Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here. Yeah. It's pretty romantic.

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years!

I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine! Apparently, this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men,

Amy, the Mafia took everything we had. Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants. Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me.

Another gold medal for the spunky maid from Robonia! Ow! A perfect bend and a flawless entry. No splash at all!

I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu. Then why'd you become a whale biologist? I don't know you well enough to get into that. Three hundred dollars, please.

Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one.

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream,

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) Why, Mr. Peppy, why? That tickles. (LAUGHING) (CRYING) Now I really do have to kill you.

Will you be my friend? Ow!

I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there. Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it!

Zindy! You're even more beautiful from a distance! Johnny cakes!

We're gonna have A tv party tonight

Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint. Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity!

Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime. Ta-da!

So the picture robbed them of their souls? Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen. It's scientific. That's why the robot's immune. He has no soul. Life force!

a one-eyed woman. Hoo-hoo! Come on! Throw like a girl! Too much eyeliner! This is history in the making, folks. Bjornson steps up to the plate and Leela delivers. Oh, gee!

Dear God! He's having a heart attack!

Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy. Yah! Whaa!

Son, I think I can safely say-- As you can see, 1947 is going to be... an eventful year for the town of... Roswell, New Mexico.

If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such, Bender always had a free body cavity. Ah, the professor's was better. Bender, shush. You're supposed to be dead. Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world For you (ALL GASPING) For you For you Now that we've got their attention,

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again?

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us.

Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

Mmm, mmm, mmm! Mama knows what I like! Huh? (SQUAWKS) The sky is falling! I say, I say, the sky is falling!

(CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in.

Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow.

No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me. Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me! Hey, come on. Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race?

Oh, yeah. My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now.

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot! Washbucket full. Scruffy's work here is done.

I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies. I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body! Fry, Leela, you got to help me. Ordinarily, I'd say no and lecture you on how this is your own fault for being such an idiot.

You have much to teach us.

Welcome to my life!

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light.

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness

Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology.

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure!

But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone. We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting. Mom! Dad!

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out!

Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

No, Leela. Tradition demands that I make this journey with my Smizmarr, and since Amy isn't here, I must go it alone. Farewell, for we may never meet again.

That's a stupid animal. You're stupid. I said I want the best one. Now which costs more-- the parrot or the stink lizard?

I'll make a space experiment about the common cold. Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good. I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling?

God bless America.

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy.

English - US - Line 21

But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two.

Why? Why? Also what and how? MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose. It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers.

In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up!

so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS) So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING)

Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

"Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

- Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it! Well, actually, they're-- Morris, shh! And what about this?

Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay" Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit?

(LOUD SLAMMING) (PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous.

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate. Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven.

I'm stuck! Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert? Lady what? Wait, there she is! After all these years, I've found her! Oh, my darling! You haven't aged a day! Should we say something?

We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved!

New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew.

When we reach 72nd Street, jump! (GRUNTS) Ah! Cushiony. (CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help!

not breakups and boring thing! AUTOMATED VOICE: For hundreds of years, Oktoberfest has been held here, in the fertile Neander Valley, where prehistoric man once hunted the majestic Schnufel-Ufagus or woolly mammoth.

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer.

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

All my life, I've been inspired by great minds. Euclid, Copernicus, Braino. And my personal role model, Leonardo da Vinci. What turned them to stone?

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch.

My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Neat. So, where we going? Pandora. That dangerous 3D planet? Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die.

Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

To the end of the universe! So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

so I'm a little fuzzy on the details. (YELPING) Oh! (FARNSWORTH SCREAMING)

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page.

Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up.

and I'll kill you next year. Aah! Ho, ho, ho!

Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

(FRY SNEEZES) Hello? FRY: Ow! You can come out. Don't be scared.

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you.

- Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender!

Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

So, where are we going anyway? Nowhere special-- The Moon. The Moo-- The Moon? The Moon Moon? Wow, I'm going to be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong and those other brave guys no one ever heard of. Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela?

Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery?

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you.

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there. You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America. Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool.

So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself. Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions.

No! Honk! Honk!

Kiff, clear my schedule.

Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass. I insist you re-carve the entire statue correctly.

I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no.

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well... Give us back our genitals!

And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody.

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing?

(SOFTLY) That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations. I've never been so moved, and I see no reason to begin now. Hobsie, flush those creatures back down the hole they crawled out of. Madam's sewage-seeking missile. (GASPING)

Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand. She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking!

(MUFFLED SPEECH) I knew it. I knew he'd get us killed somehow. As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it, such a digestive system would divide a 2-D being into separate pieces! So how are we supposed to eat and digest?

Will the Berry Burglar never learn? Probably not, but we did. We learned that no matter whether we're purple or orange... Or new polkaberry. (HONKING) Good nutrition is just a bowl away.

(ALL YELLING) And remember, don't report them missing till after we max out their credit cards.

Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me? Oh, no! Go to commercial.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day. Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day...

It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Mmm! Mmm! Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it? Helmut Spargle. He used to be the greatest chef ever.

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens.

Hey. What's going on? This is a delivery company, not a delivery room. We just busted our buns delivering a million papers, and this is how you greet us, with a bunch of frosty cold beers? Hey. Wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour? Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome.

Patience, Clamps, it is my eldest daughter's wedding day.

Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

We've not yet examined one ten-millionth of the sky. But we will go on until we find the Almighty. Even if it takes to the end of time. And then what? Then, we utter unto him a short prayer. You see, the telescope is also an amplifying transmitter. Sorta like a giant karaoke machine?

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History.

Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone.

Come on, fellow mortal. We're in Tijuana. I want to live a little.

(DOGS BARKING) (WHIMPERING) (SIREN WAILING)

Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump. And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day. Now, how long will it take to build?

There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge.

Ow! Heel, boy! Heel!

(SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

The end! I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams...

The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look. The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why?

Well, Rudy, how do you like this action? As you know, the big break-dance battle is Saturday. So If we want to win those jam Master jay autographed parachute pants,

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female.

Oh, well, isn't that-- Ugh! Hey! Next week will be my birthday too! That's true! If only there were a way... to have one party for both of you here at the office, then write it off as a business expense. Wait! I thought of a way! The way I just said!

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

It's tragedy on a bun.

No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

...Some of that special sauce. Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon.

You'd better eat quickly, Philip. You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight.

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise. For you finding me in the refrigerator! True. But at least I don't have the hiccups anymore. What up? Oh, well, it so happens I'm in the mood... to make a deal with you.

I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

Greetings, followers.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million.

Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting?

And then I'm going to eat it. Ain't nothing like a postcard coming from your own mind Your own mind Hey there's a toothache coming from your goldmine, your goldmine

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends.

The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask.

Fry laughed and he said, "You deserted me once "Now it's your turn to feel the chill Lord, Lord "Now it's your turn to feel the chill" You've accurately portrayed the nature of my grievance.

Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own. Then live on, forever cursed. Each night, your attacks will become more gruesome until one dark night you are doomed to kill your dearest friend.

Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.

I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see. Mmm!

Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom. Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh! Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out. She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again, I'm just gonna stay in my room!

like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher, morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them! Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant.

After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS)

Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand.

Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly.

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs. Stupid rocks. Think they're so great.

I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go. Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on.

And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up. Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness.

What about my service?

The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

Ow! Come on, Fry!

and I'll thank you to behave like a gentleman. You're quite welcome, sir. (BELCHES) Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat?

(HUMMING) Whoo-hoo! We've been weed-whacked!

which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope. In fact, all life is extinct.

Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it?

I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack!

Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees.

Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is.

Be very gentle, folks. This is the souffle you're delivering to Mrs. Astor. Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar!

Yea! Aw, come on! I thought I'd take you someplace ordinary. A place no one could object to. That sounds wonderful.

Exit polls show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing with an estimated zero votes. Yes! The system works.

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready! There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet!

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

He was also a robot? Dude!

They're so lifeless-like. That's the world's greatest robot artist-- Vincent Van Gobot. He was built without an ear but then he went crazy and had one installed. Hey, who's this guy? I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here. I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you?

I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box.

All right, yeah... whoo, whoo. Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo. Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo.

Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

Well, how are they? Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them.

I'll stick with wind-up power, thank you very much.

Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head.

Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this! Yaah-- Aaah! He-- Help! When I screamed, "Help," I didn't mean you!

I guess it's up to me to complete the mission. I'll be in the swamp, blowing the smirk off a toxic Yeti.

Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move!

Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen.

(INDISTINCT GRUMBLING) We've had it with Zoidberg! We demand you fire him! Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body!

That was a hell of a massage. Maybe the best that ever was. Say, where are we? (GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real!

He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really.

for real female ballplayers to be taken seriously. I hope you're proud of yourself. All right. Show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been? You nearly missed elevenses. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Who's for tea and shmavouries? What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon?

The Titanic. Looks nice.

Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes! Fine. I'll be back in a few days.

My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years.

I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. (ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science! If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis?

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn

I don't know how you did that.

Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it?

"Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot.

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel.

How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy

Sure, honey, you're the most important thing in my life once this game is over. (SIGHS) What's the point? What good is it to talk to her in my own dream? COMMENTATOR: And that's it! Wisconsin has defeated Stanford 17-to-9 in the 2000 Rose Bowl! What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium!

Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. Oh, my, yes!

What? Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts. Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow!

Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest!

All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit.

"My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity.

I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain.

Aw, he's holding a spoon.

Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings?

Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

That's birth for ya. Well, we've given them a great start, Amy. And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children. I'll be ready then.

He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.

Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed.

Truly, they were as gods who built this place. Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy.

Mmm, Soylent Green is my kind of people. Scrumptious! Morbo will store this in his sack for future digestion. I'm swimming in my own soylent waste. It's a good thing.

I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now!

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it.

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever.

Oh, no! Please, no! Perfect.

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him! Here's corpsey! Excellent. Now restarting him is just a simple matter of science. What do we do? Well, since Calculon killed himself,

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady.

There. One million papers folded and loaded.

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time. Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert.

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks.

All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler. Aw. Bender's going to be killed!

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers. Really? Yep.

What a well-prepared virus culture. This will make a fine vaccine. Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space,

That guy sounds familiar. oof! My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl. Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here.

(ALL GASP) All right, let's set it up and try again.

Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo.

(WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor.

You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes.

Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm. See you later, wuv-ums.

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

No! Drugs are for losers! And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows.

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"? State your business.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) I like it.

(WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating!

I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help!

VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy,

You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried.

I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

Hmm. Hmm. Dr. Zoidberg, can I talk to you about Fry? Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it!

You were in a zoo!

And I brought a few seeds of my own. (BARKING) Halt! What's your business pokey-poking about the seed vault? Guardian of mankind's precious botanical heritage there? We just want to come in and rummage about a bit. Oh, so... Okay. Yo, ABBA, what's that next door?

Wait. That's the bead you traded your land for? It's a gigantic diamond! That thing must be worth a fortune! Really? Ahh! Whew!

No! I'm talking about my ass!

followed by rolling of the third type.

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party! Look at that worm go.

Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead. Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits?

The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell. Aw. I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet.

Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing. Ho... ho... ho!

Of all the zoos we've been to today, I like this one the best. Bender, which is your favorite nocturnal rat? Eh, they're all pretty unimpressive. Oh, honey, look! The tapirs!

I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in. From those humble beginnings, Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain.

We call him Pickles.

There but for the flip of a coin go we.

Give us a name, MacButt! The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab. I was working on Project Satan a savage, intelligent military vehicle built from the most evil parts of the most evil cars in all the world--

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles...

No robot chef has ever competed here, but today, one has barged his way in... to challenge for the title of-- Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh! Yeah, you show him!

Oh, God! Fantastic! Now, the first order of business...

No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

(ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either. Then prepare to be embarrassed. (ANNOUNCER READING) Or... (ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot.

- I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

What the-- I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company?

Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with.

I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair. What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question.

I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy. The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been!

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

Something must've happened in your life that hurt you, just like us. In my case, it was verbal abuse.

Oh! Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind.

(BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions. Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium?

You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea!

Oh, lordy Lou! Help!

Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life.

As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops!

Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked!

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

This is a monkey.

(VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental...

Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that!

Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff.

Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right. Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you.

I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump.

She never got over it, Professor. Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned. She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots.

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

Yes, sir, Captain.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban.

Well, sure you can! You just need to get a bending card installed. I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but what the heck. He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card.

Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. (BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy,

He has the gift.

where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

No. I mean, yes.

It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo.

Good luck, Bender!

(HISSING) Oh! (GRUMBLING) Oh! Oh! Aah! Relax, you babies. It's no different from stomping a puppy. (GRUNTING) Everyone, stop! He's not going to hurt you. I'm standing in a pool of my own feet!

(SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do.

Please rise for the national anthem. Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby. I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen.

founder of Penguins Unlimited.

What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope? It must have something to do with the jar fluid. (SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal.

Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two. Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals.

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen. You should see me at funerals. Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league. Ultimate robot fighting? Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero.

Our dads are never impressed, no matter what we do. Maybe we should start a fire. If we really wanna impress them, we'll have to crush them... with strategy "Dwight Lightning." Very well, but I get to name the next strategy.

If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate. Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah.

Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters. (GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey! Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here. Come on. We'll split a blintz.

Stop! We'll leave.

That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947,

Wait. You're Pamela Anderson.

And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out.

Careful with that doomsday device, Bender. What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter. My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless. Roger.

Me too. Me too. jerk.

Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddleplane... with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting. I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date!

the two enjoy intimate time behind a dumpster. It's all perfectly natural. Let's watch, aroused, as Gerald's antenna uploads a binary file to Francine's internal drive.

Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal.

It's called line dancing, Professor. It's fun because there's no touching and lots of rules.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry.

It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most?

and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You?

(GAVEL BANGING) The council of robot elders will come to order. If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet.

Hurray! We're three friends at the beach! Wait, what's happening, friend? NARRATOR: The female conveys her receptivity through subtle vocalizations. Wanna do it? So soon? Oh, well...

This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President! That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest.

I'm just out there making us ladies look good. Snuh-uh. You're making us look like jerks in front of the other genders! But you're not really a lady anyway, right? Of course not. Dear Lord, a coaster! The Femmzoil must be sashaying girlishly into your processor!

Look. I'm Bender!

We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast.

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore.

The bride has written some vows...

She was my first love or at least the earliest one I can still remember. But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers." When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh!

Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah!

Get a shave, ugly! Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.

No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screaming in agony. (SNIFFLING) I hope so.

Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint. Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the--

And we're out of business. Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this. It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone.

M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that.

The crime is unsolvable. A letter from Bender, my good friend.

I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. When I grow up, I want to be a diplomat!

I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is...

Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh! Oh, we're doomed! Every year we're doomed.

Our last presentation comes from our oldest member-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Professor? just a second. just a second. Pencils down, prune face.

False hope. I love it.

At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy. Earth! Indubitably. Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball. (MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt,

Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child.

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Yo, you're not alone.

I know, right? (DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time. I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters. I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (CHUCKLING) Fortunately, I came prepared with a back-up phrasing.

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

At least it's something to distract me from Leela. Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it.

She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot! (ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! Unit 47!

(CHUCKLING WEAKLY) He's good. Tonight we have a new resident here in the Hall of Hominids, generously donated by its discoverer, Hubert Farnsworth. Ladies and gentlemen, Homo Farnsworth. Once again, science saves the day.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (OWL HOOTING) Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya!

Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three!

Mmm, if we could undo the damage... Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away. Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand...

That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops.

FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes! The ship did everything? But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment.

like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix?

I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!

I love you, Bender. Versus, Billionaire-bot! Yay!

but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator!

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me!

I mean, Dr. Zoidberg. Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property.

Superstitious robot mumbo jumbo. Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not.

Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news. You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four

Oh. All right! Yeah! Whoo! All right, yeah... whoo, whoo.

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that--

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

Kiff, raise him up about nipple high.

Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum. I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole.

How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head?

The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm. Remember me!

If heaven's above us, then the whole universe is just God's glorious sewer. (GRUNTING) Hang on, sweetie!

Oh! Stop, or I'll shoot! Zoidberg?

Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no!

Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise.

Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters!

I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan? Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

I can't spell anything with these cards. Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter

Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater.

Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu. So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that? Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp!

To the spaceship! There is no spaceship.

The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald.

you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish!

Well, what's it like being a lawyer for the mayor's office... and also the world's strongest millionaire? Well, baby, for starters, you need to be honest all the time. Good evening, Bender. And to your lady friends, may I say, "Bam!" Oh! You know Elzar?

Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile... Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow?

just another tooth.

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me! Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash!

Come out with your hands up! hostages! Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

I volunteer for a suicide mission!

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour.

Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa!

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

(SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again.

Permanent? That's completely out of character for Antonio. I'm getting up. Curse the tragic wildebeest accident that-- Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender! I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut. Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on!

Okay, try it again. But this time, keep your eye off the ball. You mean, keep your eye on the ball. Hey, lady, which one of us is in the Hall of Fame? Psst! You're holding the bat upside down. just pitch the ball.

Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start.

Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends.

That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up. Home run! Yay, yay! Right?

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess, and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how? Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose. What kind of lazy ending is that?

Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

Granted, shnookums.

I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver.

Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested. I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor? (WHIRRING) (CATS MEOWING)

Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

and I scoured the hardware store parking lot to assemble the finest crew imaginable. There was Candy, the raunchy by-the-books navigator, Lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift, and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics.

You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots. With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun. But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun!

In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat. A VIp tour of the Slurm factory. Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down.

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes?

written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.

(ALARM BLARING) What's happening? The phone's been disconnected, the ship's repossessed, and Zoidberg's getting overcooked!

(ALL SCREAMING)

No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories. But so help me, this year everyone will hate it as much as I do. Someday I want to marry a girl like her.

Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey!

Then live on, forever cursed. Each night, your attacks will become more gruesome until one dark night you are doomed to kill your dearest friend. I wouldn't want to be me right now. Now, go! Go!

I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela.

In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.

Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me.

Nah, I'm comfy.

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah.

Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn,

Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu!

(GASPS) (BENDER LAUGHING) Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots.

He has to be put down. Ah, don't feel bad. Major MacZongo is an experienced hunter. He'll blow Mr. Peppy's head off as painlessly as possible. No, not MacZongo! If anyone is going to kill Mr. Peppy, it should be me. Fry, I know you're upset right now,

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor.

And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

He must have used a sleep ray on me. Sleep rays exist in the future, right? No. Mmm. Then I must have fallen asleep. Well, you were sure right about Flexo being evil. I locked down the exits, but he may have already gotten away. Okay, thanks, Bender. Let's fan out and look for him. Roger that. I got a map of the ship right here. Keep an eye on Fry.

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang.

News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No.

Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right.

And stop calling me. I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl.

that should take the tar right off. Come on. Let's go tell Leela, so we can grow up together. Thanks, Professor, but I don't want the treatment. Don't you understand, you little nitwit? Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age...

Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

One, two! one, two, three!

That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing. Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender.

Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time.

I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what?

And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back!

Want to try it? You know you want to.

And I've got to find out what.

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed?

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them?

I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax!

I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger!

(GROWLING) Our magnificent uniforms. They're ruined. (SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory. Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red.

but you never do these things till someone comes to visit. There it is, the edge of the universe.

Hardass. I heard that.

It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See--

Also, I complain a lot.

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat.

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry! That's exactly what I was thinking.

It's amazing that your people can fall in love so fast. Love? That word is unknown here. I'm simply looking for a female swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material. You and me both, brother. Ah, my old scuttling grounds.

Sorry. I get aroused in crowds.

I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man.

Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it.

We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea!

Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones. How're ya doin', kid?

Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy. You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me.

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world.

You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

(ALL CHEERING) (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Hooray! Free sky sticks! (EXCLAIMING) Police brutality!

Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done. In the many decades you'll work to repay me for that shipment of popcorn you destroyed you'll have plenty of time to search for your true home. Yeah.

No, I'm just kidding. You're a joker. Yeah? Well, here's a funny joke-- I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift. Suit yourself, skinbag. That I will. Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good. Good.

Please? Don't you sweet-talk me, ya wrinkly old tube sock! May I have one too, wife? Ah, you're both pathetic-- being jealous of your own offspring. Now, you should be happy that they became successes... instead of following in your food stamps. Ohh. It's true.

Mmm, lovely bones. We've been walking for hours. I hope we can find our way back. Don't worry, I left a trail of bread crumbs. And I left a trail of cigars. You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion.

Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy? They're paid to not kill me. Alley-oop!

You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible.

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over.

"Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again." Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels."

Leader? Fat man, you couldn't even run a bath. Well, you sure can run something, your mouth! (ARGUING) Silence! Even a young pebble could see your race is divided based on the configuration of your 23rd chromosome.

BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved! Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.

Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl!

That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career.

You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again?

I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me.

Standing strong forever

Low wine level detected. Thank you.

They took away my credit cards.

I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior. It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible.

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Kill all humans!

So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins? Well, sure. I mean, not really. I mean, nature will work itself out. It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix things. - Right? - I don't know. Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence, those stupid birds will do just fine.

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious.

CALCULON: Oh. Hello, Dave.

The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

Come on! Yes! Front row!

More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers. Then explain this! (CLINKING) (DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links.

Huh? I can't believe this. Bender's supposed to murder his closest friend which I thought was me, but he went straight for you. He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help?

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh!

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not. I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement. If you don't get me more Good News, everyone, my arthritis will make me seize up like a dried monkey carcass. I've seen those.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes!

Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore! Clobberella! Captain Yesterday!

I brought his and her chicken hats!

Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Guidance system? On-line. Autopilot? Present. Dark matter indicator? Making a noise.

That comes with salad or soup. Uh, salad. Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel.

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo. Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort? That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen. Now, close your eyes and think of England.

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

I can so relate to that.

Through the pouring rain Hey, Bender? Yeah? Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses.

Huh? It's Benderin' time.

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure!

I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

There were no survivors.

The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thoraxed...

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages. Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?

We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela!

There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

(CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea. (CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren.

Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed. Son, I'm the commissioner of ultimate robot fighting. I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen.

Here, let me help you.

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle. Hey, that's not that bad.

You want some salad with that? Yuck! Mom, Dad, you remember Kif. This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh. Continuing my confession, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than creating the bestest show in the world? I didn't create anything. I stole it.

So it's a cake you want, is it?

Oh, monkey trumpets.

It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

Would you show a little emotion?

Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two. Captain...

Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God.

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon!

the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups. (BEEPS)

It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions. You know, Umbriel, these last 24 hours have been the happiest days of my life.

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever.

So I could impress you by seeking revenge on the creature. Us greeters don't get a lot of action. On paper it seemed like a win-win situation. Do you realize what this means, Fry? Your pet's not dangerous after all. I told you. Mr. Peppy's a lover, not a fighter, like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson.

but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row! You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you!

Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay. Nay. Nay. Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Noooo! She's gone.

Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow! Don't worry.

This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute...

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin'

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you.

I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow!

He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

Two colors? Wow. (BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.

Then we'll go with that data file.

But that's how it works! Leave me alone! (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something!

but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake!

Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow!

I can't do it. Leela, you've got to train me to win. No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

How will that... (SCREAMS) Get out there! Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position!

That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

"this is the one I would choose."

(LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%. (DOOR OPENING) (HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up.

Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm. It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it.

Bah! I think she looked fine before.

the Goophy Gopher Revue. Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor."

Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures.

I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs!

So I do. Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started. Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

(WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine.

Ouch! Oh! I'm okay.

Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty?

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

Huh? I choose to not understand these signs. Aha! Bender! I was just not playing the holophonor.

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day.

yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that.

This is Bolt Rollins. Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone!

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry.

What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

Hold me in your arms

This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no! For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING)

Right here. I was going to donate them to the Salvation Air Force, but they're starting to rot.

One more lap! Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap.

Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest! But who has the beer now?

To my friend, Bender. A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender!

Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought.

What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

"I beg of you, Mr. Funny Uncle. Teach me the comedy business. Sincerely, Zoidberg." Oh, isn't that nice he took the time? What's that scribble-di-gook? This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might.

Oww! Futurama. Noun. Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition.

You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair. That's not true. Well, that's how it feels to me. Bye, Bender. I'll miss you. Oh, go on. Get out of here before you get caught.

Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.

I mean, I have Leela's memories.

What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there.

Whine some more, Fry. I really find that attractive in a man. Now, come on, build us a shelter.

I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor. Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man.

And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

Wow, I'm finally going to see my favorite chef TV's Elzar! Ah, this is the greatest nanosecond of my life. No, this one is. No, this one. Wait... that one was slightly worse.

(ALL GASP) Hi, Animatronio. I feign death and stalk thee, that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! (EXCLAIMS)

- Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump. - Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either.

W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING) Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap.

(ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse!

Oh, yeah. Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall.

I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

Uh, it's funny, Bender. With you sick and Leela blind only I know what really went on up there. Maybe someday I'll tell you the whole story. And maybe someday, I won't listen.

Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.

It's a plant-based supplement that bulks up your flapping muscles. Want to try it? You know you want to. A chemical that can help us win? That sounds great.

Hi, Leela. Fry.

Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness.

What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell!

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk?

We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas. I'll get us out of here.

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question?

They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle!

Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did-- Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster.

Oh, heck, I'm nothing special. Just a down-home robot with a big old hammer. Hammer, that should be easy to rhyme. You done time in the slammer? Uh, nope. Been to Alabama? Sorry. How's your grammar? Praiseworthy.

AMY: (GASPS) It's not Mayan, it's Martian! Amy, you grew up on Mars, right? - Can you read Martian? - A little. I only learned enough to yell at my nanny. Let's see. (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) I think it means, "The sun will erupt,

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

The thoughts of others screech at them like the forced laughs... of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe. Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them,

But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No. Deal with it.

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will

Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes. Pass.

The principle's essentially the same. Hey, it's that "barbecue's over" sound again. Sandstorm!

Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad. Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, monsignor.

Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things.

I appreciate your candor. I don't even know what language you're speaking. I, too, have a confession. You see, here on Planet Vinci, I am the stupidest person. What? Who'd possibly think you're stupid?

Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

All right, let's get to work. Let's see. If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here. Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes.

You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

What if we help you get your passion back without the hassle of mutilating me? Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars. Hmm. Sounds interesting. But he would never do it. Like hell I wouldn't. I'm not gonna be blamed for not going.

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea.

Yes! The rich get richer.

So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train!

That is what you said when you found those Boy Scouts! Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter!

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck!

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing?

How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people.

You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss. I think you're forgetting our motto.

Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama. Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please.

I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers." When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes. Meow. Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market.

Stolen Pez anyone? Right this way. Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks. Nope. Uh-uh. Ew!

I'm scare-roused.

Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order.

Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy. Wait a second. This is Panucci's. I used to work in this exact pizzeria.

There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth.

Well, good night. I'm going to go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them.

They consider them part of their cultural heritage. (GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something. (YOWLS) Ow!

Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum. Whatever its beef is,

Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry! That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry!

I want to live a little. Help! I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!

I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC)

(ALL SCREAM) TARQUIN: Those sound like one-eyed corpse screams.

Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies. We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment.

AMY: A whole forest grew overnight. (METALLIC CLANGING) All these trees are robotic. I can't believe how quickly they sprung up. I can. Robots do everything faster, including evolving and believing how quickly things spring up.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore!

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought.

You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

Okay. This is the TV area that over there is the breakfast nook and over here is where you'll be living which is great, 'cause till now it's just been wasted space. It's kind of cramped in here. I don't even have room to hang my clothes. Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes and you're not taking them off while I'm here.

Ah, let's face it. Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy... That's funny. Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien. Great idea. We can only hope.

I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it.

The box says, "No." Meanwhile, in Universe "A," Hermes "A" heads towards the sun... "A." Item one: Box. Check. Item two: Sun.

...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch?

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy. You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency.

Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

I'm all scuttled out. Wha--

I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst.

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

Space banditos have been operating in this quadrant so you'll each take eight-hour shifts guarding the safe. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank.

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence.

I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.

Great Mother Mars.

With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

Oh, no. The Berry Burglar fired his snowball bomb. The snow will destroy the purpleberry crop. Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. ALL: Yay!

No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close.

It's too beautiful to open. Can I open it? Sure. There's just one thing I want you to do. What? - I want you to wake up. - Wake up? But I'm not-- In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift for me in his locker.

I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious?

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over. Well, that went okay.

So, this is the trail mix Fry gave me! Yes. I exaggerated when I said I picked it from the treetops. I just wanted you to think a little better of me. Well, your motives were good. And we were both loopy from dehydration. Hey, wait.

Nice nebula. Yeah. Looks like everybody's got somebody... except me. And me.

you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do

Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them? Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye. Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you.

Are you people satisfied?

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing.

Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect!

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea.

Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan, and you're not doing anything to stop it. Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face,

We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride. I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI.

No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human. The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

Farewell, my friend. Oh! Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

This place never changes. Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants! It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing.

I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository. How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha!

All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread.

You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in!

Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw. I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey.

I'm putting together a big drama picture right now as we speak. The script is dynamite. I know, because I wrote it myself. And with me directing and starring, I'll be back on top... after 50 miserable years... of fame. Ah, fame. Where do I come in?

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts!

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins.

I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject.

All right, a tie! I win again!

Go satisfy your bend lust,

Professor Katz, we want answers! I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly. (SCREAMS) He's dead!

At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up.

Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here.

I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

how come there's no song that explains how to celebrate it? Because there is. Hit it. Hit what? I placed instruments under your seats. Play them or I'll break them over your heads. Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish But its ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally newish

Bender! Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app. BENDER: Neat. What was it, 99 cents? No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist.

Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Yes, I reckon it is our responsibility. And thankfully, we have a plan. What is it? We'll do anything. Everyone, grab your guns. I declare penguin huntin' season officially open!

And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right! Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound? Ah! Meeting adjourned.

Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive!

I might be liable for damages. But believe me, you'll rue the day you came to the Butterfly Preserve. Well, enjoy the Butterfly Preserve. Okay, bye. Come on, come on. Let's find those flowers. We'll split into teams. You mean couples? Eh? Eh?

Anyway, the time came for our first delivery. (SOBBING) Lando, don't forget about me and Junior. I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself. Ten,

What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes.

Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone!

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this?

I'm acting astonished.

Give it to me! Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us mafiolios. There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS)

I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it. Ow!

You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie.

Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

Emperor Nikolai! Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done!

It's humbling to be back on my old soundstage as a bit player. Humble is good. Your self-esteem took a beating, but that's what brought out your true talent. Yes. You land hard when you fall from the top, right? I used to be king here. Now I'm nothing but a mere peasant. Or at best, a viscount.

Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." (CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS)

But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad.

Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what?

Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender.

Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed! Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer. That device was a gift from my ancestors. Go on. It seems their movements are a form of language.

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy?

It's story time.

And now to fulfill my destiny!

(SCREECHES) (ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing.

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated!

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX! (CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly?

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence.

(ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew.

That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible.

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care.

I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company. I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss. Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think.

Hurray! (SCREAMS)

As a return guest, Leela will receive a 25% discount and a complimentary waterfall.

Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy. No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure.

You were ready six years ago.

Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous.

Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS)

Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat. Hermes, old pal.

Yee-aah! Wait! No, thanks. Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty. Fry, are you all right? You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap.

Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am. Jackie Jr.'s my apprentice.

Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks.

What the-- I-i don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube? Detonation in T-minus 15 seconds. You little runts froze me! You took away my life! We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap!

It's over, Jezebel. Grab your things and get out. I didn't bring any things. That's what I like best about you, baby. (EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord.

Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up.

And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate!

It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful.

It's Petunia, your dream girl.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it.

No, but we could use a hug. Better come inside then. Name's Tarquin. Been alone here, tending this light longer'n I can remember. (BELL DINGS) That'll be my cup-a-soup. It's been microwavin' longer'n I can remember.

Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out? (DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer.

He's twitching like Zoidberg when someone mentions the word "food." What now? No! Nibbler, come back!

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich!

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words. I would like you to apply for Bender's old job and cozy up to this Fry, his best friend. Yeah, and then I'll introduce him to my best friend, clamp number one!

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes?

Seriously, though, we stink out loud. Here's the big Enchirito-- Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood.

If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained. Hey...

What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable.

Fry! Fry! No! No! Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Mom! Dad! What are you doing here? This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop!

The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are!

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

It's Fry. Wiggles? Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

Greetings, followers. This is day five of my solo kayak journey around the world. Send. (LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send.

Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional-- A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher. It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles. That's funny. Careful, sir.

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast! Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger.

Challenger-er Bender-er! That's my robot! I own him! You honor me, Chairman Koji. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. Chairman-san, I came here with one goal-- to humiliate Elzar in a large stadium.

There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics. - Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important.

What party do you belong to, Bender? Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

Yeah, good luck with that.

It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it.

Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do? Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock.

Ah, good old Bender.

Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me,

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case. Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over.

Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference.

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet.

you bring shame on your people. Well, now that won't do. Husband, show a little Ku'umba and fetch some beeswax before Kwanzaa ends. Sweet candelabra of La Habra, LaBarbara. Isn't this the last night of Kwanzaa? Who the hell knows? Finally, a bee farm that's open late on Kwanzaa.

How come I'm not there? I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job.

FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing,

Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?!

Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling. Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society.

(ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry.

Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll. I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor.

So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

(CHUCKLES) Ladies, that is the kind of can-do performance I like to see... From my new Butterfly Derby team. Which is what I am offering you to be. Because I'm the commissioner of the Butterfly Derby. I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost.

Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes.

Bender rules! I got you an official Bender hat. Wow! Thanks, Hermes. I... Hey, cut that out! You can't hit what you can't see. Ow!

Pinching the hitter? I don't understand this blerns-a-ball.

Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender.

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls.

Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING)

And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me! In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil.

Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz?

Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight.

Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda.

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild! What is?

Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well...

But, tell us, how could a city with such a... fabulous airport end up underwater? Ah, now, that's a story that can only rightly be told in a chamber of commerce video narrated by folk-rock troubadour, Donovan.

How can I ever repay you? Do you need a slave? Or maybe a butler? No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school.

(SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. Shut your nose. It's just the shrimp cart.

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation. What's wrong, Fry?

I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.

(GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids. Then why didn't you give me any?

You get that camera out of my house.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old.

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew!

Ah... a picture of my mommy.

Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there. Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting.

Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

We fought like hell, sir, but in the end, we caved like a house of souffle cards. Got it. Peace with honor. Well, I resign again. Come, Nixon. Introduce me to the kitchen staff. I must lay down the law about Lrrr's low-sodium diet.

Ah! More meat than a cow!

Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is-- being filthy rich, that is!

I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself.

So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up. How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song? He found a way. For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan!

We're ready for the first audition! Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh He's doing it again.

You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things.

I guess I kind of make fun of people as a defense mechanism. Hey, Cubert, is that your family mansion?

See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies?

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions.

I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything. My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Egg salad? Hmm.

And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela, for tearing your arm off and all. I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers. Plus, you were willing to sacrifice yourself so I could live.

Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone. Hello?

That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind--

Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway?

If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King. Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

Wow! A power stamper!

Whatever. Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny!

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

The point is, I'm an actor and nothing more. I have no interest in being admired for something as inconsequential as my appearance or my personal life. All that truly matters is the process. NARRATOR: Whether playing a beloved historical figure. (IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) For Rigel 7 and all mankind!

Oh, thank God you're here. If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly. Speaking of which, time for me to shoot the IHOP dessert curl. Ugh!

I don't know, and I don't care. A Massachusetts ha'penny? Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. ALL: Ew. What? Bender bit a poo penny. Bender bit a poo penny. Look, 'tis but worthless tin.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg.

I am the "greetest"!

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord.

Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid. You're all right.

No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment. Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope.

Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm. Whoa! It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit.

Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

Father-Man away.

Pretend these basketballs are time particles, my silver honky.

LEELA: He did it! He did it! Yes! Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records, even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks. Now, get up to that podium and change the world. Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender.

and, well, that's no excuse for how I acted. But the boy needs to see that real men... solve their disagreements with words, not violence, so, uh, if you'll accept my apology, well, I hope we can put this embarrassing incident behind us.

Well, all right. You sure I probably won't know him? Definitely probably not. Just sign this contract.

Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

Aw, okay, but I'm not carrying it upstairs.

After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate.

Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler!

Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment. Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right?

Okay, Murdolator's finished. I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt, which is why we're each going to add one drop of cyanide to the death wheel as it goes by. (GROANING)

Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss.

Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go!

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun.

Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch. That's not necessary. What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop.

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go.

Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night. That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be. And you used to wear a size three cape. But not anymore! Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood!

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing.

(MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING) What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent.

I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out.

You scored big points tonight, sir. What are you talking about? They ate me alive out there. Yes, but your body stayed on message and that message is, "Look at my shiny new body." The robots ate it up. You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God!

These youngsters all look up to me.

What? Hey, now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day? This is an outrage!

Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you! I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought.

All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion. Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you

Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me.

Ah... Listen, I know who stole the button. I wasn't gonna tell, because I don't like being helpful. But I do like ratting people out, so, it was Fry. (ALL GASP) He took it to the Vampire State Building. We've got to get to him. But how? We can't leave the time shelter.

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me!

But possibly yes. What is it, Professor? Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for. And now, at last, neither do I! Maybe we can figure it out.

Miss Leela? I have a question. Yes, Albert? That story was bad. That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story.

in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again! Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry.

But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right.

I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point.

I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley? 'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it.

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

My parents left after you passed out, so they didn't even see you barf. Oh, now they'll never think I'm manly enough to date their daughter. It's okay, Kif. I'll go get you a tissue from your tote. Hey, there, Amy. Like you to meet my buddy, joe.

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it.

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see.

Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news.

No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room! Until she sneaks out. When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel!

Oh, boy. Yes! Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him. Oh!

Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Kind of lonely, though? Maybe?

Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me.

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu.

My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point!

Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump. And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump.

That new recruit is phenomenal, sir.

and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside. Pretty good story, hey, Hermes? Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle! It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved... when a manbot and a fembot realized they loved each other.

I'm talking about Earth. Earth's the generator. (SHEEP BLEATING) Suppose this basketball is the whole world. To many young men in the inner city, it is. As it spins, it's producing an enormous magnetic field. If we could use that field to generate electric current,

I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone!

FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING)

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie.

Mama said, "Spock you out."

At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen,

See you later, wuv-ums. It would've been nice if you'd told me you were going out with Amy. I'm not going out with Amy.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler. Aw. Bender's going to be killed!

and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river! Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh.

Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them.

Ah, man! Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed. Well, except for a few broken bones,

Let the punishment commence!

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God!

Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

A doctor, honey. Hmm...

Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt.

I'm still listening, you big lug. Well, what I'm trying to say is, in all the world, I couldn't find a diamond good enough for you, but then I found one out there among the stars, the beautiful, affordable stars. (GASPS) You mean, when you disappeared up on the comet... Exactly.

I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human?

My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?" (LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents? They're still alive?

I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball!

End of the line, man. Come on, we can still catch a twi-night double cockfight.

I am unstoppable!

(STRUMS GUITAR)

A, B, C, D... Get out of my office! Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate. Sorry, that's Building C. The Central Bureaucracy maintains records on all bureaucrats. We should be able to look up Inspector 5.

I will lose all respect for you and punch you.

Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant!

Necks are for sheep. I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks, and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic!

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while

Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well.

Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside!

I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me!

(ALL GROANING) What's all this cat hair on my sweater?

I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that.

(WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING) Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win.

What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms.

Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING) Bender is falling!

Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me. Leela, my love, will you marry me?

Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

Where'd I go just now?

For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me. It was a year of soaring profits... and significant one-time losses. Psst! Watching myself work is making me hungry.

(SCREECHES) Zoidberg, you are the greatest hero. You saved us all. For now. But another threat from the stars is sure to arise next week at the same time. Until then... BOTH: Action Delivery Force star hero rocket engage!

Ladies and gentlemen, our new Martian city is complete. I give you Dickfrancisco! (CHEERING) The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve!

(GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship. (EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody, I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around!

An understatement, to say the least. It's time you treated me with respect. If you want to be treated like a fellow crew member, fine, but no more purse rides, and no more dressing you up in your cute little sailor suit. I keep telling you that's my real naval uniform. (BOTH MOAN) Your place or mine?

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad.

Because it grows the brand. Oh, Lord. This company's circling the drain, I tell you! I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold! A complete sandwich? You got fleeced.

Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING)

Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy,

Your voice is so annoying!

And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight. You're bogarting my patience. Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself.

you'd cease to exist.

I want my hands back

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age.

There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. And that's the ultimate secret of the universe?

(LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister!

I underestimated you. Wait. I can explain. Nah, don't ruin it. I'm loving the hypocrisy. It's like catching an evangelist in a whorehouse. That was the best Christmas ever. You know I hate lying. But those orphans were so proud of me, I couldn't bear to let them down.

I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING) Somebody do something! Here, take this!

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No!

Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy.

You better not do that at the concert.

Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four. I-i mean, five. Repeat: four. Are you ready to operate, Doctor?

They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours,

But it's so round, so hideously round.

I know. Sometimes, when I'm lonely, I look up at the sky, and I get this feeling... that somewhere on some unknown planet circling a distant star, my parents are up there, looking down on me.

Whoopsie-daisy.

Here's corpsey!

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt!

Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road. Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There.

Tom Sawyer, you tricked me.

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang? Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live. Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky.

That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey.

With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time. It's like being a voice actor.

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first. Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry.

Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will.

Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe. What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay,

For example, 36% of all folk-song heroes work on a railroad and are named "Big" something. Next slide, please. 75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah.

climb, climb, and we're back in business. Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife. (GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen?

I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know? I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"?

We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass.

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

Hello, shoppers. It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex. Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

I'll be a science fiction hero just like Uhura or Captain janeway or Xena. Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference? Sure. I just like TV better.

Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh!

No, Mr. Smith, you're not in heaven or hell. You're on an airplane. There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me!

Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone.

Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

Why would Nixon stay at the Watergate? They give you a discount if you've been here before.

No. I have a duty not to look.

All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim.

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash?

It's a delivery for the Democratic Order of Planets. DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters.

They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that. Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me!

Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb? No, I just told the robot company I was defective. You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you! Big whoop. I'll just download into a new... Oh, right. If I die, I die.

(ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING)

Get the hell off my planet.

She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little.

But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you!

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up!

(BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS) Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song. He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow?

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad,

(POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean...

Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me.

Three, two, one... (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

(LAUGHS) It has now been one year since the death of Calculon, former star of TV soap opera All My Circuits. The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already. Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now. Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth.

I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor.

Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre.

TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15,

The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree.

I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry. Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones.

Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket.

In each gastro-survival kit, you'll fInd a rain slicker, a disposable fun camera... and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon.

Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

(SLURPING IN UNISON) (ALL BELCHING)

Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender. The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites.

Give us back our genitals!

(SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it. Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math,

Boo! Who are you monsters?

For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out.

He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages.

Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

My world has been, like, shattered. I hate you both.

Goin' through the robot wash

That's the most valuable thing of all. Three, two, one. No, our cart! We count on that for our job that we do. Pee-u. Joey, you got fingers, right? Help me fix the lady's wheel.

Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father!

After all, I do have the proper equipment. I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor?

I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things.

Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Are you hurt, my sweet? No. Luckily, a family broke my fall. just hang on. I'll take care of that fire.

In conclusion, bullying in the workplace is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. - Out of my way, fatty! I'm practicing. - Whoa! (HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da! Friends, I'd like you to meet my new lady. Marianne.

Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din.

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

In another life, we could've been friends.

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one. Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.

Versus, Billionaire-bot! Yay! Versus The Foreigner.

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes. Leela, Zoidberg, the rest of you, this is Flexo.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY)

This is where you live? I thought you were a big-shot Hollywood movie star.

Quick! This way. Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

Uh, oh. I'm so into you. Oh, my!

You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy. Yah! Whaa! Hee! Ha! Ye-ow! Give this to my son. You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives.

Neat. So, where we going? Pandora. That dangerous 3D planet?

Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this.

and these creatures are the real Humplings. All I did was write down their adorably repetitious hijinks. (GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away. These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here,

Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There. Who are you people? I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum.

I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out. That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet.

I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

My fellow Earthicans, welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson! (ALL CHEERING)

No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

In each gastro-survival kit, you'll fInd a rain slicker, a disposable fun camera... and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon. Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids?

I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball?

Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

(GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube. (CHOMPING) I, too, was on Earth that day, on my mission to ensure Fry's successful transport to the future. But I recall no such music. I always forget that he can talk. Well, that must be when I heard it. But I guess the memory is gone forever.

That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please. Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on,

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo?

We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww, and one regular-sized condom.

I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M.

You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us?

The professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily.

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

(ALL SCREAMING)

I fear our only option is thrilling space battle. Power friends, go! Power friends, go!

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

Amy, why don't you help Fry hoist down the crate?

I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature! My marigolds! Thanks to that DNA sample you generously donated while locked in my tower,

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't.

Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie?

Look. I'm Bender!

Quick! Whoo! Look. Slurm!

Zoidberg? (POPPING) (WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid, too?

Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

Okay, neck, tap, tap, climb, climb, and we're back in business. Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife.

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President. Leela, we're missing the premiere.

(MOANING) P.U.! Thank God I don't have a nose. We can sleep at my parents' house. I'll just buzz and let them know we're here. (BUZZING)

Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in! This is unbelievable. I thought you were a furry little moron, but here you are flying an adorable spaceship. If only you could talk.

Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society, only the biggest, most obnoxious males have any chance of mating.

Meanwhile, in Universe "A," Hermes "A" heads towards the sun... "A." Item one: Box. Check. Item two: Sun. Oh, that's a big check. Ooh!

Hey, you kids, get off the lawn!

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious, but they produce an awful lot of trash.

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes!

And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves. We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do.

Not... I. Not... I. Good night, sweet prince.

Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true.

Flies, flies and gorillas!

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look?

Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

(MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise.

Ah, Fry! I'll miss you!

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo. In other local news disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan today when a titanium mine collapsed trapping 1,000 robot workers. What? Lord have mercy!

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg.

Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.

Thank God this log is sturdy.

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way!

(LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever. Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession. There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, it's business.

Oh. That's a little bright.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah.

So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING)

Farewell. Noooo!

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop.

Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it. I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes?

And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no.

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now.

May I have one too, wife?

Mmm! Good barium shots. Expensive, though.

under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world. And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm!

Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away.

Wow! Ostentatious.

See you later, wuv-ums. It would've been nice if you'd told me you were going out with Amy.

Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately?

So telleth, Bender-- What hath happened to your body? I hocked it. Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Same reason you hocked your teeth. Ah, booze money. I remember my body.

thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation. Also, what game were the refs watching? Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man.

All I've ever wanted is to know you.

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Whoever did this was strong. This is 340 pounds of Tonka-tough steel. Hmm. It should look like this. But instead it looks like this. Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this.

Neat! You can do it, Kif!

Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack.

I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs. Are you? Nah. We understand each other. People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend...

Uh, Khan? Correct!

(WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out! They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them. The ground is still warm.

I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue, then dispatched me hither to await his shadow society of intellectuals. Hi, Animatronio. You personally knew da Vinci?

Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks. Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers.

Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof! Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push! Use teamwork!

I'll pick it up with my supey-dupey poopy scoopy. (GRUMBLING) (BEEPING) Core magnetic field, 31 microteslas.

Or is he? (GASPING) Bender? (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw. Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again.

Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going. You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there.

But the true Zen of flavor is not found in a coliseum. It is found in a small kitchen with friends. That is why I decline the title of iron Cook, and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier, which I just made up.

Ooh! Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true?

You can come out. Don't be scared.

Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

I must speak with you. (GRUNTS) I'm looking for the scoundrel who made this. Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts."

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass.

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike? Now I'll never get to bend anything! Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother. Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday.

up wherever your species traditionally crams things. The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest.

A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know!

Very well. But your bureaucratic license will be revoked if you fail to sort the master in-pile by closing time. 1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat.

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show.

continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man. Whoo! What was that? Did everything just jump around or did my brain just stroke off there for a second?

His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush. He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING) Everybody, take a Franklinator. Aw, I got a chipmunk.

My fellow Earthicans,

I was, but then it hit me. If heaven's above us, then the whole universe is just God's glorious sewer.

Sorry to haunt you so effectively. I thought you kids were that dragon ghost that's been spooking the town. Like, what's the story with the yakitori?

that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is...

don't you forget about me will you reCognize me call my name or walk on by

It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers. And I saw it lactating earlier. Wait, who said that? (GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship. Ew! I'm Turanga Leela, captain of the current Planet Express ship. What's going on?

Me... want... engulf... Bender!

Hello? Anybody home?

Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes!

Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard! Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING)

Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops.

What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

You owe me one.

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right. Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost!

(GROANING) You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke. (GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING)

Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard. Aah! Whoo! Made it.

But I wouldn't even know what to write about. Unless-- Okay, I'll do it... if I can make it about Leela. Me? Really? A man writing an opera about a woman? Oh, sirrah.

This is Christopher Colobus, the brave monkey who led a band of genetically engineered primates from Earth to colonize our planet. Wait, if you guys came from Earth, why do you hate humans so much?

At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it.

(PLAYING FAST-PACED MUSIC) If you want to steal my girl, you'll have to fight me for her. Stop playing that lovely song and put up your dukes! (GRUNTS) Fry, there's nothing to be jealous of. I've been sitting here paying my bills online.

Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

according to that guy from the future. Wow. That's actually a really good idea, for a woman. (SCOFFING) What else you ladies got? Girls of Planet Express calendar. FRY: Girlie calendar? Great idea, Amy. Okay, then. Leela, Amy, come to work topless tomorrow. Forget it. I promised myself I wouldn't pose naked until I was married.

Ah! (KETTLE WHISTLING) Wow. Hold him down while I prepare the antidote. Another Yeti?

Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye!

Clamps, clamps, clamps.

Great cow of Moscow!

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that. Superstitious robot mumbo jumbo. Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY)

Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the--

Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

Gender? Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order. Ows! I am not familiar with this concept of gender.

This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

You supply them to me and I'll sell them for two bucks a dozen at my restaurants. I'll even pay you a dollar a dozen. Yes! I'm going to be rich!

Yeah! It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun.

You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy--

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow.

What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive.

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific. Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works! Leave me alone! (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair. There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma!

- Sorry, sir. - Yeah. Sorry. You can shove your apology into the bottom of your one-way digestive system. Now, see here! We assured our sons that you'd accept their apology. Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have!

Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door?

Honk! Honk! So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

One jillion dollars.

(LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you. Their loss. I propose a competition. If I win, we get Calculon. If I lose, you kill us. Fine, whatever.

(GROANS) This volcanic archipelago isn't big enough for the both of us. Yeah, you'd better topple.

(GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone.

- You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind!

Let me see the script. No. No, I don't like the font. Wait!

And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all.

just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate.

Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

(YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what?

Should we follow him? To our deaths? Negatory. It's the Y2K trying to lure us into an ambush, and I ain't buyin' it.

Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING)

Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

Wait, I'll be back in a minute. You did it, Fry! Did what?

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots.

Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey. Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty.

It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

Goin' through the 'bot wash Goin' through the robot wash C'mon y'all and sing it with me

I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me...

Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it?

Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now.

If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts? Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do.

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo.

We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees.

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too.

Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode. You know how testosterone is. As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do. What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.

Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you...

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There. Who are you people?

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

(PIANO PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck.

Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right. I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Come on! All right! Come on, now!

how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson.

(CLOCK BEEPS) (SMOOCHING) (GASPS) Mom, are you okay? Did Zapp take advantage of you?

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

(CRACKLING) (ALL EXCLAIM) That was a sick move, yo! Thank you. I have no idea what that means. You got a death wish, Professor. Something must've happened in your life that hurt you, just like us. In my case, it was verbal abuse.

G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot.

Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you.

I want to hear how it ends.

Me, too. Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator. Oh. Is there a burn ward within ten feet of here?

It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers?

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

(HORN HONKING) Let's go, already! Setting Bachman Turners to Overdrive.

Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said.

Fry! Get up there! Thank you. You know, when I was first asked to make a film about my nephew-- Professor Farnsworth-- I thought, "Why should I?" Then later, Leela made the film, but if I had made the film you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles.

What? It's still on? Oh!

Already taken care of. Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end,

That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely.

Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry? Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't--

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again.

Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world. Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson!

That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years,

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine,

All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic.

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it?

Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass.

Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

Okay, it's about to start. Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly.

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it?

You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin.

No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends, and I'll still be the hero who everyone says how great he was. How may I help you? Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe!

Bender, no! Fry, stay back! You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards. Sure, blame the wizards. That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires...

Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death?

He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God.

Go, go, go, New justice Team Go, team, go, team Team, team, team Who's the newest justice team The New Justice Team Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday

Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah!

I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow!

You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats! Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING)

Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the--

I don't know if you've heard the news, but it's good, everyone. I fixed my hearing aid. (HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids.

200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

It means you'll never be able to return to the surface. I don't care. I'm staying. I've got everything I want right here.

Silence! I concur.

And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) (GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord.

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun.

Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at. Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master? Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence.

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers!

Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots-- Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them. Where you going, Bender?

Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry--

We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that? Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh.

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out. Ohh.

Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean. Hmm... This "love" intrigues me.

No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here.

Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

Eyes, look your last. Arms, take your last embrace. And lips, oh, you, the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss.

Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy.

Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it! Great Shatner's ghost! We demand that all TVs be equipped with a B-Chip... that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen! Boo-ya!

Take your base.

And also-- Well, you know. You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers? No! It's just... neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back.

We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water. (EXCLAIMS) That's the worst thing I've ever seen! Really? Then don't look over there. Whee! Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny."

My good name is ruined! Hi. I'm Jerry. I like movies.

How's them eats? Uh-- Don't mind if I do. Kids'll be hungry.

A net gain for our great city! It's good that Leela doesn't love us. She'll be less sad when we die.

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government. Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway.

It's a second big bang!

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast.

(DOGS BARKING) (WHIMPERING) (SIREN WAILING)

Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag. (FLY BUZZING)

It shows the time wherever we both are, and it's powered by love. Also, you have to wind it. Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball! You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is.

and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay?

no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

Cut me some slack, preacher. I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole. With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o!

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor. Why aren't you fixing the boiler? Schedule conflict.

Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

Amy, I also spent some of my tax rebate... on a gift for you. Oh, Kiffy! It shows the time wherever we both are, and it's powered by love. Also, you have to wind it. Oh!

Yet still, I feel empty inside.

This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun?

(LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again?

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not.

Wow! Look at all this filth. It's not filth. It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century. Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate.

Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that?

Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you.

This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

Ooh! Ouch! Okay, try it again. But this time, keep your eye off the ball. You mean, keep your eye on the ball. Hey, lady, which one of us is in the Hall of Fame? Psst! You're holding the bat upside down. just pitch the ball.

Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me.

So, you called my thesis a fat sack of barf, and then you stole it? Welcome to academia.

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries, eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives.

Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks.

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery? I love killing people--

Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you.

(WHOOPING) Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids! And the more beer! (PLAYING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) Shh! Hey! I don't smell Bavarian-style vomit. Where's Oktoberfest?

I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay.

We came to terrify and humiliate you, not tickle your funny bones. Watch as I embarrass your civilization... by passing the ball to Curly joe... only to have it remain in my hands with elastic!

Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me.

Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie. What the-- I call top bunk.

But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy?

Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation. It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

So, friend, welcome to my home. I'm very proud of it. But I want to hear what you think. "Oh, mon, I'm Hermes, and I think it stinks in here "like a green snake, or something else that's Jamaican." Good one at my expense, Hermes.

Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name. That's him!

What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot! Washbucket full. Scruffy's work here is done.

Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

Fry, thanks to your selfish rudeness, a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart. SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted. (SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed.

Seriously. I can't think of anything.

Okay. We got the hot tub hot, the wine coolers cool. It's "Hammer" time! You suck! According to regulations, both companies must approve the takeover.

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher. (ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew.

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen. Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then. No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would.

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet. How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot? I am a being of pure solar energy.

Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow!

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good. Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender.

Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now. So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man. I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes.

- So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread.

So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go?

Good old Hermes. When he stops insulting, that's when I worry. Oh, dear! I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner?

Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon.

I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no!

Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack!

Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa?

On the contrary. You remember because... you were the only one immune to the brains' mental attack. Because I'm so smart? Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave.

Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived. And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew.

Psst. Is the coast clear? Button your yap, you mug. I've discovered a new means of time travel.

Earth's boring.

Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape! I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!

Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock. He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it. Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones, there'll be no stopping him. Tonight, Mr. Peppy must die. Angus, wait, my strictly platonic friend is right. At least wait a few days before you decide to kill it.

send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator. Good night. ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Item one... Duck! (YELLS)

Wow, you're good. Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES) Ow! Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one.

I just got all the gum off of there. Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

Well, let's get looting!

(GUNSHOTS FIRING) I got 48 cents.

he would testify that my clients acted without malice.

Give it to him again, Andrew!

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I hope this is the control stick.

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

Wait! Don't shoot!

This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop!

However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.

I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn. That's Lrrr!

What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack. Thanks for the help, Leela. Leela, we're right here! I'm not deaf. I just have to wear this stupid eye patch.

Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie. YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade?

We don't want the cars, just the tires! Gentlemen, the new office chairs are here. (ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY) Sign here, please.

So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief.

Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible.

Now it's very nearly Xmas We've done the best we could These toy soldiers are poorly painted And they're made from inferior wood I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly

Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax?

"Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again." Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels."

(YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh?

No further questions. Daddy done good, huh?

No extra anythings. What people skills! She's completely perfect! In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor, she is the least mutated mutant ever born.

Oh, nowi get it.

especially when you're perched on a snowball, whipping through space at a million miles an hour. Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh! To the torture cave! You, my metal friend, will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans. Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you.

Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage? No! Yes! I don't know!

(ALL MURMURING) Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast. And check out the interior. (LOCK BEEPS) Note the rear-facing safety seats.

If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards. Now, can we please-- The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well. You just have to give guys a chance.

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo!

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us!

Some Bart Simpson dolls.

Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg! All right!

Whoa! Check out all those broken robots. Howdy, fellas! Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player! Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest!

(DANCE MUSIC BLARING) Cool. Can you turn into a race car?

Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it?

So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh.

Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See? Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING)

Fry? Where are you? Right here, baby. (GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me? Ah! Alone and unhooked. Let the evening begin.

Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

February is the shortest month!

Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205. Okay, that's better. Keep them coming!

So, if I die... You die. Or as you put it... (RASPS) Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town!

Hit it, Bender!

- What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww. Oh, it's hopeless.

Lightspeed briefs--

Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

I reckon my boy will be right pleased when I regurgitate that into his mouth. Looming ahead, nature's waterfall, the cliff of the waters. Ah. It sure is relaxing getting swept along by this current.

Just shut up and bring me two dinners.

I'm just so lonely!

All right! I'm a delivery boy!

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

"First person on Mars." Oh, so your brother was that Philip J. Fry. I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday...

Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick?

I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat. Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory.

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor.

Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado.

the professor, as current C.E.O., remains-- I demand the floor! I may only have one share, but I get to vote, same as anyone. And I'm voting against the cat hater! Isn't that right, kitty? Hey! You ate my change!

Okay, take a deep breath. You're having a little lovers' quarrel, but I'm sure you'll work everything... (GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

There, there. I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy! Hey, wait! You can't leave... What?

Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology,

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do?

Fry, are you all right? You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

At this rate, by Tuesday it will be Thursday. By Wednesday, it will be August. And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it.

How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie. Change places!

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input.

Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it!

Why bother? I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt. There's just no place for me in this world.

Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds. How can Zoidberg walk out with that much weight? And he may be invisible, but he's not insmellable.

The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here?

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology.

I'm a program built into the intercom. I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason,

Thank you and good night.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system.

Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!

That's right! The ending must not be ruined! We'll go wait in the ship. Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad. (SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy.

Wait a second. What are you hunting?

I think I hear my factory recalling me. That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan.

I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship! You recorded that? The eyePhone records everything. All I did was add a laugh track and twit it to my 10,000 followers.

Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia. This is the capitol, Cyclops City. Stop me if I'm going too fast for you.

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself.

One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

Happy birthday, young Nibbler. Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape. Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"? Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!

and if necessary solve complex differential equations like robots.

Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner--

My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants.

Cool. Can you turn into a race car?

your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud.

Help! I can't swim! Oh...

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her!

Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

The costume contest! The costume contest!

Robot, experience this tragic irony for me.

Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu.

Behold the dance of peace.

Great Mother Mars. He has the gift. Kroker, that was one Branigan-esque feat of heroism. We have misjudged you, green one.

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home. Amy? But that means--

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again!

Down in front! Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live.

What? Kingston rules.

Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh!

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

Set a course for adventure! Ew! What a dump! Oh! just like old times. Gosh. The bars on the windows seemed so much thicker back then.

Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops.

(MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time.

Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings.

Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop.

While the Beachmaster enjoys the spoils of victory... Whoo! I'm doin' it in my sleep! The lesser males languish at the edge of the colony, unable to attract their own harem due to age... Harem? I can barely see 'em! Immaturity... (GIGGLES) I'm scared.

He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you.

Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

Cram it, ape! I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him! - Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh?

Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no.

But I love guns! Then pretend they're little human necks. What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space.

'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass. I'll fetch my hand tools. Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine? Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food. We gotta sell these things. Yeah! Good idea. Bender's a genius!

It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn. Wait! What's that? Welcome, friends. How may I pervert you? I'm looking for human horn.

We are the Lords of Flatbush. Come. The king has declared a feast in your honor. Wow. How did he even know we're here? 'Cause I'm him. Let's eat.

Now I'll never get to bend anything! Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother.

We've been right now the whole time.

If you are traveling with small children,

Wernstrom! The very same. Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done.

Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am. Jackie Jr.'s my apprentice. I figure if he's gonna work here, he might as well get to know the team. - Who's she? - I don't know. So I hear we've been having some trust issues, huh?

And now a rebuttal from President McNeal. The people of Earth remain united in my refusal to hand over myself. Total annihilation is a small price to pay compared with--

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are--

Planet Express shareholders, cast your votes. Great banda of Uganda! We can vote against it! I'll vote it down like a raise for schoolteachers!

So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before. Oh, what's the point?

Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain. But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff. But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

Ugh. What a skank. Anyway, Planet Express is still facing foreclosure. There's no way we can raise enough money to save this company. Wait. What about the girlie calendar? Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

Fourth dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. Halt! (ALL EXCLAIM) Who said that? All I see are a bunch of vertical line segments. We are the Lords of Flatbush. Come. The king has declared a feast in your honor. Wow. How did he even know we're here? 'Cause I'm him. Let's eat.

Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops!

Quick! Let's keep escaping!

And during the 12 seconds Bender was on-screen, viewer eyeball focus was up 90%.

Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

No wonder you love Mother's Day.

Boy, that thing's big.

My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants.

My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky!

(BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY) (YAWNS) Safe and sound. Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty! I saw that! Huh?

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain.

Ugh. Yes, Malachi, what is it this time?

Now look at all the work I gotta do!

It's scientific.

this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING) It sure was nice of the mayor's wife to have sex with me. Uh? You. What?

There. That time I left both lanterns in place.

Burning garbage. It worked!

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that! I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. You're under arrest for crimes against science. No! Could you drag me by the restroom?

(ALL SCREAMING) (CHOIR MUSIC)

You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off.

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me. Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory. No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes.

How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars. Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop

What happens to the loser? Let's make it interesting.

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record.

Brace yourself for the worst. And yet he looks so natural. What's happening? He's hooked up to a life-support system. We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze!

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS)

What is your purpose here? Huh? All right, Officer. I'll move along. What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

(SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS)

That's as close as I'm gonna get. (SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

I want to live!

America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

Oh, God! Fantastic!

This Week In The Universe! Dateline: Tarantulon 6. The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world.

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check. Welcome! Oh, I'm just so excited!

- Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde! You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke. So long, filthy commoners! Adios!

Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say.

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one.

Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh! Wh-Wh-What do you want from me? We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again.

The attention Cobb's receiving is inflating his ego. It's going totally Kanye. Wow! There's a humungous fungus among us.

You forget. Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil! LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela.

I've got his scent. Over here where the water gets warmer.

Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from?

Oh, I don't know. Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach.

Speaking of which, I have a surprise announcement. There never was a creature. Surprise.

And with absolutely no consequences.

Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class. Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Another shocking twist!

to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars.

Cool. It's just like the good old days. Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too. Learning is fun.

Vodka with a sardine in it, please. In fact, vodka with a sardine all around! And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

I like physics, but I love cartoons.

Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home. Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet.

Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong. I'm so glad we could admit Amy in exchange for your generous contribution. How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got? Sorry I'm late.

LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell. Hmm. I don't like the looks of this V-GINY.

while I was still killing them. What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please!

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh! What a weird dream. I'll never get back to sleep.

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown. So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation.

You bet it's authentic. See this scratch?

And this ham gum is all bones.

You take it from there. This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating! That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

Notify his survivors.

Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender.

and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow! Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there.

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts.

Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum! Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen,

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer. (SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers? I ain't making drinks for no trashy robo-sluts. Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters.

(LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue. (GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you."

An idiot like you is correct! Ah! You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you.

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender!

(SCREAMING) Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits.

I'll be a science fiction hero just like Uhura or Captain janeway or Xena. Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference?

The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000. Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

But, dustcakes... Oh...

Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for. And now, at last, neither do I! Maybe we can figure it out. We? (LAUGHS) Well, I may not have brain smarts,

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw.

You were really brave, Leela. And you seriously nailed that thing with your golf shot. Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny. And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking... Yup.

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose. Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh. Mmm... you.

And be quick about it! Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful.

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together. I love you so much. Hello.

spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death--

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever. You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci?

(WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out.

Okay. It's crime time. Hey, Bender.

Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring. Ho, ho, ho!

Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious. Except, what good is a candelabra without-- Wait! I know!

I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's.

Huh. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration. That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

By far, the most important thing is oil To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil No, we pour the holy lubricant out from this sacred vessel

We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner?

I had a great time today-- the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff?

(BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit! It's over, Dad.

Oh, no problem. This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man.

- Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm.

Now, Hermes you and your lovely wife, LaBarbara have the suite through there. And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice. It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room. Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody.

Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

Is there room in there for two?

Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

This sentence I don't understand, but take this one! You have not won yet. Each book in this room is a gateway to a mental realm, and I shall take you there and imprison you forever! Icky!

Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come. Comin' through. Watch your head.

Oh, Amy, you'll be a mother! What a wondrous affirmation of our love and all from the touch of your hand. Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed.

Flame creature?

Duh, duh, duh! They went this way! Quick! In there! Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill!

Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right!

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit,

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love.

Tell my offspring I loved me very much... (GASPS) Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies. (GASPING)

because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much. Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever!

Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone! Me next!

I assign me. I accept.

Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time. Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

See ya. With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever. I have these three costumes you could use. But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender,

Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go. Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down!

But I thought your people abandoned this planet. We did. I just came back for my stuff. What're you guys doing here? Fleeing Earth, of course. We flew here in your great stone pyramid. Seriously? That thing flies? Of course. Your people left it so we could escape.

No. Pubic Library. Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow!

I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

Do the back dance, do the back dance. (GROANING) FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone. I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela. (ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope. Really? No, don't get your hopes up.

where a man can gaze up at the sky in wonder without a wet clump falling in his mouth. MALE MUTANT: We can do that, too. (PLOPPING) Who's ready to fight for equality? The devolution revolution has begun!

I think it's moving. Hmm. Perhaps the computer can calculate its trajectory. My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us with enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater!

Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Oop, low on power.

So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient! Hmm. He's a witch! Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently?

Not where it counts. (GROANS) I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art.

And in sports Yankees' fifth blurnsman, William Woo is out with an injured knee.

Hello? I'd like to volunteer. Is anyone lurking? (GRUNTING)

And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy. Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class. Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

(EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol! (SCREAMING)

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela.

But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup?

I'm sorry. What?

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant.

you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma. Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me? Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road. Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There.

Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen. I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

Oh! I like your nerd glasses. Are you a college student? A college student? (LAUGHING) Because if you are, I'd like to invite you to a hot sorority party tonight. Yes, I'd like to enroll in college. You're still talking to me.

Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS)

Thank you, Assie. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) Bender? It's for you.

The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won!

It's one thing to win a fixed fight-- there's dignity in that-- but to lose, and in this atrocity-- I can't do it. Leela, you've got to train me to win.

(ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things?

Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid.

The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale! I am not the whale! All I wanted was to complete my delivery.

No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams?

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked.

(ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye.

I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that. You're right, Hermes. Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you.

Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it!

I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

"First person on Mars." Oh, so your brother was that Philip J. Fry. I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends!

The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great.

But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

but by quantum entanglement.

hurt slightly. Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness. Huh?

Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady. Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here.

I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke... in a good way.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me, but our mission is not complete-- not so long as Robot 1-X torments me with his obvious superiority. Ready to catapult, Sinclair!

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday! What's this?

Amazing! You multicultural punks just race and tinker all day long? And we rap about our problems. Like, my aunt's neighbor is a hoarder. Stack of magazines fell on her cat.

Or we could not do that.

Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel. Oh, please. Really?

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day.

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See?

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it.

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me.

That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo.

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

- You know we don't! - Ooh!

You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I?

I am the mission! We're back from the mission! What-What-- You went without me? You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time. But-But I'm the delivery boy. Don't worry. Everything went fine. - Better than usual. - We got medals.

You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

(GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay. Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is.

(ALL GASP) But on the upside, we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble. Well, that's the same, but other things are different.

Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot,

I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her. But what I realize now is, I can't spend my life without her. So, tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me. Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

Geez, Edwards, hitting on a delivery marmoset? Why don't you just show her your big blue ass? Oh, I'm getting to that. (CLICKS TONGUE) Call me. Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been?

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island.

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us?

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse.

Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow! NO-O-O-o!

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember?

Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even. You know, Coilette, I've never before met a woman as fascinating as I am.

Smells like strawberries.

What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up! I'm going to crack that hussy open like a slutty Brazil nut!

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu.

You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me.

You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff.

I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father. All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda. Aw, yeah. I promise things will be different, Son.

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again?

TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host.

(GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes? That could be a response the aliens are waiting for!

Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti. I'm hanging up now.

Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate. Well, it's quite simple, really. When one of my species experiences deep feelings of love,

What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Nice job smacking Kif. Dude had it coming. Wait. (SNIFFS) I think I smell Nectar. Way ahead of you! (GULPING) I don't even know why we're helping find an addictive drug for our mean girlfriends. Quiet, they'll hear you.

(SCREAMING) FRY: Run, Leela! They're bouncing right at us! (ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING)

Stealth technology makes the ship impossible to locate, yet easy to stub your crotch on. Well, there's worse places to be marooned. Plenty of food, mild climate. It's a veritable Garden of Eden. It is?

And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu!

What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead.

Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet? We just talked, okay?

O great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn.

I paid a fortune for it at an auction of historic body parts. I suppose if I have an Achilles' heel, it's because I bought it at that same auction.

Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on!

Step right up. Who wants to learn physics?

You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Ooh. Huh? Far out. That head gave me a total head trip! Really? I'm gonna lick Herbert Hoover's head. Lick the head! Lick the head!

Now I'm sure. (BOTH YELLING) (SCREAMING) Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life!

How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha!

None too soon. While you were gone, the Trotters held a news conference to announce that I was a jive sucker.

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments." You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk.

and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains. You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct?

Excuse me. This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way. Just sit down.

No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers? (SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER)

Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire! Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power.

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday!

What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better. If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard.

Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

No!! Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House!

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened.

Give me that. More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More!

Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah.

Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor?

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters! Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No!

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute.

This is quite a large ranch you have. 17.9 billion acres. We own entire Western Hemisphere. That the best hemisphere. It's the same on Earth.

It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely.

Pretty woman walkin' down the street Pretty woman Ow! Ow! Ow!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Oh, what's the point of fleeing? Even if we escape from those creatures, we'll still be stuck in this dimension till we starve. Wait. What about a dimensional drift? If it went through the fourth dimension before, maybe here, it'll go through the third dimension! By God, you're right!

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

(GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you." The final solar flare is going to bypass Earth and strike Mars.

Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for?

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one. Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger! Ooh, me next! We just got one of these. Rejected!

Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it!

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again!

Ultimate robot fighting?

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising.

Well, I must admit it's not bad. And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine. Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back.

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop!

Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say.

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes!

Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could.

You're right, Hermes. Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. (SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview? Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing.

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda."

What did you say to them? Eh... Just that Captain Brannigan confused the word for "congratulations" with the word for "spank your sister with bologna." Nicely squawked, madam. Leela, you never told me you had a mother. I insist you stay for a courtesy thank you drink.

They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

by showing how bad my funeral will suck! I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop! News, everyone!

No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything!

What's going on? Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character? I feel like I lost weight. All of it. Remarkable!

and don't you come back to work until you do!

Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help!

You fool! You foolish fool!

Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble.

Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa!

Grab some complimentary snacks and let's go! (BOTH PANTING) I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter. Want to watch? Not really, but I will. Fine.

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

Or do we? No, I guess not.

First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum!

Oooh, that feels funny. This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train, making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping!

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander.

You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain...

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck!

when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me, you do forever and ever

For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time,

The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why?

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

My closest living relative... Oh, yeah. My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

Come on, let's take a walk. I'll show you around.

You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys

LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

(GROANS) This volcanic archipelago isn't big enough for the both of us. Yeah, you'd better topple. You always were a hot-blooded Latina.

long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

Oh, please. Humans experimented on us, chained us to organ grinders, made us ride around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. (EXCLAIMS) (HONKING) You're still riding around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. By choice. Come on, let's grab some lunch.

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus?

we're about to observe the fundamental structure of the universe. (EXCLAIMS) Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything,

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers?

Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

It's just... rude.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid?

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence. That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out.

Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great

(SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room!

Now, see here! We assured our sons that you'd accept their apology. Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have!

And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders... for... Beck! With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot! Bender rules! Groove on, man!

If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots...

You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor. I like physics, but I love cartoons. This is the greatest moment in scientific history. At last, there are no more questions left to answer. (ALL CHEERING)

You idiot. I'm not a cannon. Huh. I guess I am a cannon.

- You mind rubbing it for me? - Uh, sure. Aw, yeah, that's it. Little lower. - How's that? - Lower. Yeah, that's getting it. Little lower, though. I can't get any lower than this. I'll say. You're rubbing my ass.

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end.

Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

You like it? I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it. Hey!

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day.

That is entirely not true, sir! (MUFFLED GROANS) Now to go switch bodies with Zoidberg, sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than... Ten minutes ago? Oh! (BEEPING) (ALARM SOUNDING)

But you know, I have a friend in Boston who's an expert silversmith. They could be connected. There's only, like, 40 people who do anything around here. But Boston's 300 miles away, and Bender kicked our horse to death. We'll never get there in time. Unless you have another invention up your sleeve.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis?

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

And with the polls now closed in every time zone worldwide, from Tomorrowland to the Republic of Yesterday, we are able to declare a winner. Chris Travers, who leapt backwards in time and ahead in the polls, has defeated Richard Nixon.

And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic.

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going?

"Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night.

I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door.

MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive

I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog!

One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction?

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes!

Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy. That's nice. I was just out walkin' him. Yes, you can walk him. Of course, after he goes, you have to refill the canisters.

Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle.

MAN: It's too violent.

My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy.

You know, the rents are a lot more reasonable in Peru. Come on, Leela, let's go out.

My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl.

And finally, today is Mother's Day a sentimental occasion when robots honor Mom the beloved owner of Mom's Friendly Robot Company.

What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal.

That's ridiculous! Mr. Peppy doesn't eat bones. I raised him on a simple diet of Brussels sprouts and mixed soda. (GAGGING) At least there's only one of them. The good news is, they can't start breeding. The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire,

I'll kill you! Oh! Ah... prewar scotch.

Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING)

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane!

Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not. With all your modern science are you any closer to understanding the mystery of how a robot walks or talks? Yes, you idiot. The circuit diagram is right here on the inside of your case.

Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat!

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why?

There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING) (ALL SNORING)

That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian?

(ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad!

Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach!

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy

Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch!

Red ball. Homicide! Woo!

Ma, Pa, our precious ranch! oof! Ay! Ah!

(SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you. Wait, it doesn't matter the color of your berries. After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow.

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning.

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

And remember, don't report them missing till after we max out their credit cards. Squid attack! Hit the deck! (ALL SCREAM) We're back, baby. And we brought you a little something. (ALL EXCLAIM) It's okay. Leela's just changed a little.

I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders.

I'll just... Oh, my. I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base. Land robots!

Marianne? Yes. Listen, I've got a new job, and, well, I'm going to have to dump you. I'd like that!

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING)

Let's go already!

I wouldn't, but I'm smart.

This is hell. (SCOFFS) You wish.

We'll have to bankrupt Mr. Fry so he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us. Mother, you are one clever old scag. And don't you forget it. How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank? That part will be easy, thanks to the nice people at Mom's Old-fashioned Video Surveillance Unit.

Look, outdoor theater. Let's get tickets. Oh, let's do. No, it's the ceremony of Claw Plock where my species fight to the death over matters of honor. Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble. They don't.

deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

(GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS)

Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see.

They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead.

Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus.

So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh? No, they fixed that 900 years ago.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Please do not feed the animals!

But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

Now listen here, Bender. This war is in danger of going all quagmire on me. So, I'm sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace. You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah.

I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood. Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me. Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

Wait. What's the catch?

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms. We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys.

Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten--

You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor. (GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do. Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends?

I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure.

Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff. Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

and an unmarked sandwich,

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God.

They're not filthy. They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor. There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying!

(WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style.

Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music. (PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING) (CHUCKLING)

Let's meet today's celebrity judges. Captain of the Harlem Globetrotters, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate. Konnichiwa, brother. TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it.

Nice. All right.

(SHUDDERS) I am experiencing arousal. My organs are moving into position.

So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago.

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger! (GRUNTS)

I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is, Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight? Well, 'tis the season.

but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see. Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful.

Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING)

Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us?

Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

"I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na." I agree.

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

You are all fools of the highest caliber.

My ice cream Manwich!

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead.

Let me just adjust the focus, F-stop, shutter speed. Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

(WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment. That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy. Wait, does that include me?

I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe. I will go this far and no further.

just go to bed! You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory...

Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No! Ahh.

Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now!

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion.

There! No rampaging for you tonight.

(CRYING) I want to go home!

Now I'm all you got! I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.

or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it. Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts.

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators.

Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS) Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery.

I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something. Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in... And fasten your seatbelts.

I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no!

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda? Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies!

Hey, Butch, your mom's here. Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing.

Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting.

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear.

Us greeters don't get a lot of action. On paper it seemed like a win-win situation. Do you realize what this means, Fry? Your pet's not dangerous after all. I told you. Mr. Peppy's a lover, not a fighter, like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson. (CHEERING)

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy.

That offer was for a limited time only. (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer.

Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See--

just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations,

Oy. Now he emotes!

We are all one, with one mind, one purpose, one pact. Our enemy shall be eaten by scorpions. And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves. We shall prevail!

Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk!

Thank you, Hermes. I don't know. It seems like a lot of trouble to cut off your arm just to snake a drain. It's not just a drain snake. It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. Jackhammer, vegetable peeler, pipe-bending jig.

I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet. Hey, that's my old bank. Maybe my account's still open. Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file.

Well, I'm moving out. What?!

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted.

You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air? How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore. I don't blame you.

Oww! Not so rough!

My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful.

Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on.

If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love. My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter?

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts.

What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste. All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products. You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh!

Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter.

Now everybody hit the deck! I'm cutting the entire line and stealing the exhibit. You're not stealing anything! Nobody hit the deck! Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas. It should say, "Top-quality Exercycle for sale." And could you put "top-quality" in bold? You can't? Okay, whatever. Remember, it's up to us.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission. Good news, everyone! Ugh! When the mine caved in,

Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public. No! Get away from there.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound? Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it.

This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop!

But where can we find a substance the exact density and consistency as garbage? Alas, I don't know. Uh, what about garbage? Good lord! A second ball of garbage. That just might work.

Oh, my God! Huh?

Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

You stink, loser.

Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Our transaction is complete. Come, Solomon, to the lair! Mom! Dad! Oh, I'm so sorry I got you kidnapped...

Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager.

Like a family. You're right, Professor. We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family.

But goin' through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer. Care to dance? Well, you know I love dancin', but you always hated it. In that case, it's somethin' I've always wanted to make up to you.

You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

These are just examples. It could also be something much better. Prepare to enter... As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh. (LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh. Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor?

Yea! It seems the youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A." - Question. - Yes? You stink.

I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

Animals, attack!

But Guenter's obviously better off being intelligent. Tell him, Leela. Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is... What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?!

Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together. Way to go, Professor. The plan worked.

(PIANO PLAYING)

That was not worth $3,000. (GASPS)

(BENDER WHOOPING) We did it! Twelve straight hours of limbo. I haven't done that since my honeymoon. Hermes, Hermes, remember that flock of bats? I sure do. That was fun.

Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news,

Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies!

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves. Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep! And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby-- No!

Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Well, you didn't! I've got to figure out where Leela went. I just need some kind of clue. Ow! (GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from? I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure. Now I'm sure. (BOTH YELLING)

I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little.

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha! (TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING)

They must be in here. Yeah, capture them!

Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

That's not good enough.

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie!

Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20. Where is it? I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer.

Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating. Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Oh, yeah. just like it's natural... for parents to be a little disappointed in their children. N-Not that we are. But you could call a little more often. Okay. And would it kill you to use some mouthwash?

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Look. It doesn't matter who created what.

Huzzah. Huzzah.

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah! Oh!

You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

Anyway, I've got nothing better to do while I'm sick in bed. Wait, that's it! I'll make a space experiment about the common cold. Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good. I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish.

No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Much rather. What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

(WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming. Good-bye, Fry. Good-bye, Leela. Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe.

It's a life of quiet dignity.

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius!

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram?

Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive. Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it.

Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind?

Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up.

Ooh, this boot's got a little pudding at the bottom! Interestingly, the Spidarians... are more closely related to our elephants than our spiders! Don't mind us!

Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared. Attention, McNeal--

I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (CHUCKLING) Fortunately, I came prepared with a back-up phrasing. Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters?

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too.

Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

Wow, the interesting thing about that is...

So what do people do for fun here?

Strike! In your face, Leela! Ow!

You're under arrest for future murder!

I thought I told you to kill those foos. (RUSTLING IN CLOSET) LRRR: Hmm... Let's just have a look in the toy closet, shall we? Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait. Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS)

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING) Good news, multiplayers.

Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box.

The WingNuts, ladies and gentlemen.

Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky.

Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done?

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Wait a second! If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme, and you could indulge your demonic food lust. (GASPS) We're just the people this mind switcher was made for by us! Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out.

And now this. Why with all the crying?

Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down. One, zero, uh--

I really thought she was gonna come. I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love.

Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

(SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop!

Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh?

You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass. The robot has to go.

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready?

We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Why with the long faces? The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them!

Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness. just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet.

I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless. Okay, deep breath, deep breath. Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident.

Mental... Minds? What? (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

(GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew! MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot

Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun!

Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

(LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species! Five out of 10, also nice. Yep. NARRATOR: And so the salmon reach the ocean, birthplace of all life.

We've had it with this flying slaughterhouse. We're having it towed away for scrap, and we're getting a new, safer ship. Here I comes to save the days.

Leela was wrong! Leela was wrong! Leela was wrong! Leela was wrong! (BOTH LAUGHING) Daddy, how'd you get so good at bending? I inherited my arm control software from my mom. That's how it's passed down, mother to son. But my mommy had no arms! Does that mean I can never be a bender?

I do. But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this. We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune.

You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww, and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on! (BENDERS LAUGHING)

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin!

I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

Oh, lordy Lou! Help!

Good news, everyone.

If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my! And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk. Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know?

It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it! So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

Congrats! You've accomplished so much more than most of us would bother to. Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ! You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them.

You know, I heard that banking industry regulations are really very simple. Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions. Six if you want to get technical. Oh, I do.

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it!

My ass! Sweet love of my life! Several hundred people died, too, including my wife. My ass!

tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me. It was a year of soaring profits... and significant one-time losses. Psst! Watching myself work is making me hungry. Help me find some food somewhere.

Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus!

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

Come on. You never went on a date with a guy just 'cause you were hungry? Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach. Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner. Zoidberg? Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year.

Well, that was dumb. (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded!

I'm sorry. It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole. What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

You heard the good news, everyone. Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera. Bye. Wait. Where do we get the ice? The wha-- Oh, Halley's Comet, of course-- the only sufficient source of ice cubes that don't have bugs in them.

Just... my left hand? Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting! I can't stand it! Okay. You can have my hand. Wonderful! just sign here.

(KETTLE WHISTLING) Wow. Hold him down while I prepare the antidote. Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted?

I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money. Wow, thanks. Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon?

She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again,

So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay. Well, there he was in the tub, all right?

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable.

(MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun,

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter.

My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What?

That's gropey and that's cheaty.

Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns. I mean, come on, wireless joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels. Oh, and I suppose pitch-o-mat 5000 - was just a modified howitzer. Yep. You know, you humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field. There's all kinds of robots down there.

Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people! And all it cost me was my crotch plate.

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Holy camoly! The house I grew up in! It's still there! Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place.

Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip.

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine!

What? My mother was a saint!

(ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry.

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

Come on, baby! Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one! Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock?

Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

The British are coming by land, by land. But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed. Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum.

Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better. The men win that round. In your face, decumbent urinators. (ALL ARGUING)

Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries. Philip J. Fry,

Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more.

That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel.

Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes.

No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion! Last one. Oh!

Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

Now, look here, Bender, I respect your diversity to the extent the law requires but you used up all your days off when you had that bout with roberculosis. Aw, all right, I'll go, but so help me I'll hold a grudge against every last stinking one of you for the rest of your lives.

(RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels.

The day I was built, he looked me over, probably with tears of pride in his eyes, and proclaimed to all the world, by means of this scrap of paper, that I was perfect and infallible in every way. Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair.

Hold on to your helmet. Whoa! Oh, boy. Yes!

How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale! I am not the whale! All I wanted was to complete my delivery. Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out? Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit. I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing.

Fry, it's been three days. And even if you stay here the rest of your life, there is virtually no chance of finding him. It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he--

I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink. No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim!

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

Excellent choice, sir. That Flexo! Why, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. Can't believe this. Obsessing won't help, Bender. Take a lean back and enjoy life. I can't. My fembot may be in love with another manbot.

Same place as your species... the beach.

You see, I'm his butler. Oh! My uncle Fry and his mystery-solving friends. Perhaps you can make sense of the... What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. (SCREAMS) Now then, let me show you my lab.

Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box?

The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

(COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it? Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend. Amazing grace How...

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D...

I've had cow. Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench.

'Cause your song was insincere, boy. Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter.

(SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING) (GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese.

Hey. What smells like blue?

But that's how I really felt about you, I swear. I don't know. Please, give me a chance to be romantic on my own. I've got a Baggie of massage oil, and I'm gonna give you my super back rub, just like I used to give Amy when I was going out with her, and she always seemed to-- Uh-oh.

(GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING) What happened? Did I break the button?

(BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air. (CRACKLING)

My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia!

Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time.

It's a video will. It shows you killing him. All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two?

A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello?

He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would.

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

People, it's Valentine's Day next week, so your beloved company has gotten you all new uniforms. "Clool"! Clothing! Delicious clothing!

Just stick to the script.

Nope, straight line. Ah! the probulator's done. Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start.

(GROWLS AND GALLOPING) Oh, God, I'm having a Serengeti flashback. Die, you dirty giraffe! (SCREECHING) Well, I got it. Now what, Captain? You know, I'm not sure.

Well, that must be when I heard it. But I guess the memory is gone forever. Like Kaboom cereal. And my family.

Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that,

There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here! Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines.

Ta-dah! Using that, I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry. Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now. Bah! Pah!

The second thing.

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life. With Halley's Comet out of ice,

- I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie!

A tapeworm! - We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.!

"See through the eyes of a Bender unit." Fine.

Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of. Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Damn it, woman, you're making me highly Selassie! Don't you talk to me that way, you big, hairy Belafonte.

Dishes, dishes, dishes Cleaning up the dishes I'm a singing busboy.

which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man!

Child, mon, is this true?

In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine. Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century!

You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer? Please? Don't you sweet-talk me, ya wrinkly old tube sock! May I have one too, wife?

(CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst,

This here the buffet. Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp!

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad!

They're being crushed into powder and sold as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer. False hope. I love it. Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?! The machine is working at full capacity.

I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither.

(STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING)

But for the proud people of Robonia! Come on! Come on! Come on! I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. - However, I will watch out of curiosity. - Quiet!

This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

Come on, Gabriel, you must have seen something! No, man, I ain't seen nothing for no cop.

Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

So you're a common bending robot, with a human peasant roommate? Oh, crap, that is what I am! No, Bender, I envy you. I'm so bored with all these pretentious trappings. The jewels, the parties, the beautiful robo-women. Hello.

Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

Oh, Chaz. Mmm. Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough.

I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. We don't sell those. All right, all right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites.

Ooh! Uhh! The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect... is a miracle. Oh, I don't have time for this!

No! Please. Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump. Kids, let's meet the Humplings! (PIANO PLAYING)

Bring it on, baby!

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No!

The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm. Remember me! Remember me! Remember me!

Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble.

It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop.

I mean, from up here, an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.

Hey, too tight, too tight! Whoa! Whoa!

Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics? I concur.

(GROANS) I hate chiseling right after a manicure. Oh! Darn it! I broke off one of my fingers! Look, Cubert. The neck on this one. I bet he spent a fortune on ties! What, too soon?

I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful.

Come on, girdle. Hold.

Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice.

And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

Fly the white flag of war.

Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews.

Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot. G.N.E. Behold the Time Button.

What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile!

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark. Yeah, right, what's he going to do, break my legs?

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender. Incoming wounded.

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong. Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining.

Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh!

You gonna eat that? Maybe later. The time has come to discuss matters of the gravest importance. Fry, do you remember some months ago... - when Earth was attacked by flying brains? - Hmm. I remember the square-dancing stomachs.

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there.

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before. Here, take my jacket. You look a little cold. Thank you.

So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy!

And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you.

This beat bangs Here's my chance

Hello, dearies. Mom! It's me, Bender! Look at me! I want attention. Hey, ho! Children, your old mother won't be around forever.

It's getting late.

Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer. That device was a gift from my ancestors. Go on. It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing. Of course! Having no mouths or ears, they could only communicate through motions. Or perhaps by odors.

Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs. Especially me. Enough. You all failed miserably. It's time to put a real scientist in charge.

How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out.

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly. We have only one option. We'll have to bankrupt Mr. Fry so he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride. P-U!

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead.

Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

i'M walkin' on SunShine oh-oh-oh woo-woo-woo-woo woo-woo woo-woo-woo-woo i'm walkin' on sunshine whoa, whoa, whoa That-a-boy, Seymour. Right here waiting for me, as always.

(TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back.

Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back!

But no, you don't want to go into space because you're too afraid. You bet I'm afraid. You want to go? Go! Get your head knocked off by a meteorite. Okay, take a deep breath.

Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh!

That's just what my mom used to tell me. Whoo!

Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo.

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron.

Sorry. It's too grumpy!

Good. Invite her to my quarters. Oh, and have the boy lay out my formal shorts. The boy, sir? You. You lay out my formal shorts. The jackass wants to see you in his quarters. Good. This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain.

That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

I found Bender!

Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news!

I can't believe how quickly they sprung up. I can. Robots do everything faster, including evolving and believing how quickly things spring up.

Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected.

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it!

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea? Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons,

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

(EXCLAIMING) Yes, another successful day. Well, see you guys tomorrow! I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow.

Bust it Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah yeah, yeah MMm!

math. Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there?

I can't do this anymore. I don't blame you.

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers.

Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk?

Okay, then. Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins! Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide.

This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa!

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list.

The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"!

That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that.

(ALL SCREAMING) (BELCHES) (PANICKED CLAMORING)

Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up!

Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya. Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water?

(BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY)

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Well, why is those things?

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss. Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry--

(SCREECHING) See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now!

He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle

Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred.

Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Now get down on your knees so we can blow your Crud brains out! (GUN COCKING) (BOTH SCREAM) Um, Leela, remember when we were trying to guess what would happen if someone stuck a gun in my face, and you said I'd probably crap my pants? Well... Excuse me, sir? We're not actually Blips or Cruds. We're delivery people, here to deliver this crate.

Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry.

Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Is it dangerous? On, my, no. Off we go.

To the ship! Why don't you just walk?

- Er, ohh. - Ohh. Why did you boys do all this? We just wanted you to be proud of us. Proud of you? You ruined us with sleazy business practices... and a complete disregard for human decency. Of course we're proud of you.

JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink! We should have brought a gun. (GROANING) That was one hell of a weekend in Vegas. Dude, where's my ship?

Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa?

I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh.

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks.

- Uh-oh. - Sorry. Ah, this thing stinks.

Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes, but if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you to grow up strong and resilient. Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous, I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud.

Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom!

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

I'm with ya. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

Warships dismissed!

I guess what I'm asking is, Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight? Well, 'tis the season.

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died!

So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where? Here! Literally, here! (ALL GASPING)

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound? Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

What? I could've fixed it that easily? You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again?

Good thing it's Casual Friday.

And, Zoidberg, you can replace Fry. Hooray! I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine!

Edna? Honey? Edna!

Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

Please use the beeps. Oh!

Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road. Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There. Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman?

Will it work on my TV? We don't need TVs.

We're heisting a shipment of zuban cigars. Zubans?! Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a whole maternity ward with one of those things.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful,

I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad.

It's okay, Amy. I don't have a fancy degree either, but today I'm a prominent boy in the package delivery field.

a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil. Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style.

(CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

I can't quite read the sign. Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back?

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"?

But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty.

And I'm gonna tell you all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down? (TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

Wait. In a minute. A holophonor? Only a few people in the whole universe can play that, and they're not very good at it. They don't have you to inspire them.

Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow!

wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say? Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through? It got through, Fry. It got through. You could really use a shower. You too.

No, today I'd like something good.

(GASPS) My old apartment. My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream.

If her personality engulfs mine, the Bender you know and worship could disappear forever. I'm willing to take that risk. Hey, pookums, contrary to what I was sayin' earlier,

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys.

You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor. (SNIPPING) Hubert, I'm sorry. Huh? He doesn't have hair.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

You're all fired.

LEELA: In their 40 years together, my parents have been through so much. Well, not that much, actually,

No! Eva Braun, help me!

We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible!

We've been hired to make our 100th delivery. (ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year.

the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three! Go, go, go, New justice Team

All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number.

Here, let me do it.

1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

You better not do that at the concert. I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat. You are so disgusting. I-- They're beautiful! Ew! You're touching them. I've never seen pearls like this.

He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day?

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix, the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates.

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing. One year to go. Six months. I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa!

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

Her? She's just a bossy friend. Exactly! She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job! This must be settled.

The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

No! Hurry, Bender, get the bra!

Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report.

Don't drop that there. Oh...

Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?

(BEEPS) (WHIRRING)

Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it.

Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute.

What do you want? I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking. We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses.

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease.

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal. It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories.

This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not--

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

(PATIENTS GROANING) My God! I've never seen such a gruesome shark attack. Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis.

Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package. Whoa! Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!

No! Drugs are for losers! And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows. I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me, but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final.

(CHIRPING) Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder!

the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean. I do look forward to cavorting in the spray. The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished! She never got over it, Professor.

Uh, yes? Absolutely.

Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak? Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human!

Please, gentlemen we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say.

Go get 'em, boys! And in the world of ultimate robot fighting, the Masked Unit wins his championship bout against Gorgeous Gonks by technical melting. Go, Masked Unit! Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off?

"Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

Oh, hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza.

Come on, Zoidberg. I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle. Okay, everyone, come and get it!

(SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent.

Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS) We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire. (BENDER WHOOPING) We did it!

Lights. Camera one. Camera two.

(ZAPPING) What was I crying about? Oh, we were just cuttin' onions, honey. Let's keep going. "Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button." "You eat a sausage made of Fry." "Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet.

The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating! That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

It's a doorbell baby!

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too!

Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that? Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict.

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times. (SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that,

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

Brace yourself for the worst.

(ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw! (PANTING) Quick, in here.

That's the ego. All right, let's go. It'll be just like stomping a puppy. No, no, no. Subduing an actor's ego is no easy task. We'll have to weaken it first. Look, I own words that are helpful. It says the World Acting Championship is tonight in Hollywood. Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot, sting like an automatic stinging machine. Bender, you can't be an ultimate robot fighter. It's the most brutal form of competition in the galaxy. It is? There are no rules.

And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people? That's too painful to speak of now.

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia?

(CAMERA CLICKING) Hi. I'm Bender. This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender.

I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah. Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to.

(GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) You want some of this? (GROANING) (BOTH MOANING) Interesting. Hmm.

The odor of pure time leaking. When my crew removed the chronitons, it destabilized the nebula, causing time skips throughout the universe. Ooh! Let Bubblegum tell it! Pretend these basketballs are time particles, my silver honky. As the nebula bounce-passes them off us... Aaah! Ooh! Aaah!

Oh, so suddenly this is all about you! Please rise for the national anthem. Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears.

Me... want... engulf... Bender!

(GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine?

(PIANO PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck. With the cards. (WHIRRING) And with the ladies. Whoa! Sir! But those are my arms! That's gropey and that's cheaty.

You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth...

Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs!

I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender! I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising. Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor...

I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead. All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it.

Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now. Leave Leela alone. She's leading a perfectly normal life. She's not gussied up, duded out, getting down, or where it's at.

Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again. Come. Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all.

or wear a lame cape. It's not lame, it's lame.

Oops. Sorry. Yah! That ship is so white-bread. People, it's Valentine's Day next week, so your beloved company has gotten you all new uniforms. "Clool"!

Okay. Anyway, the ship's still here. And nothing was stolen. BENDER: Yeah, it was. I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY)

You want some crackers and a slice of hat? No, thanks. Listen, um... I never got the chance to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes? Sure, honey, you're the most important thing in my life once this game is over. (SIGHS) What's the point? What good is it to talk to her in my own dream? COMMENTATOR: And that's it!

Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

he grew hair, just so it could turn white. Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever. (SOBBING) (SNIFFLING) That poor incompetent crew.

I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Find molasses candy

A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper, who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it.

Uh... the fairness in hell act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul. As well as a solid gold fiddle.

(SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed. (SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar! We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party.

Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home.

Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait.

That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS)

People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves.

Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait. What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer?

Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries.

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these.

Quit standing up for yourself, Fry.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot.

Seriously. I can't think of anything. I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable!

As vice chairman of Planet Express, I'd like to say a few words. There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends,

I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender.

Do you realize what this means, Fry? Your pet's not dangerous after all. I told you. Mr. Peppy's a lover, not a fighter, like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson. (CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound?

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that? Not the magnet.

But when a human dates an artificial mate, there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy.

just like I used to give Amy when I was going out with her,

Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point.

Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human!

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive. Lando? Told you I'd be back. You've grown, Junior. I'm 61. I don't know him. What else you got?

(CANNED LAUGHTER) (GROWLING) (ALL SCREAM) (LAUGHING) I do enjoy a well-buttered floor. ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei? Sorry to haunt you so effectively.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Wish I had Bender back.

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes.

So, when do I start? Everyone, this is Francis. Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping.

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang.

But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane!

Bender, wake up! She's here! Wake up! Oxygen.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed. I fear our only option is thrilling space battle. Power friends, go! Power friends, go!

Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum...

Hooray! (ALL CHEERING)

Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot.

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

ROBOTS CHANTING: One, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, one, zero, one, zero, zero, zero... Welcome, friend. I am Ab-BOT, the abbot of this monastery. Sir, I am but a tired and rusty traveler. Can we talk? Come, make yourself uncomfortable.

Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow!

Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back! Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again?

She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender. (YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot.

Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing?

(ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack.

The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing. Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham.

Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it! Great Shatner's ghost! We demand that all TVs be equipped with a B-Chip... that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen! Boo-ya!

He's a witch! Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently? No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better. Egg salad? Hmm. Zoidberg will have to examine your gastrointestinal tract.

And it once belonged to someone very special.

He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar?

be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy! Oh.

Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship?

I fInd that offensive!

Give this to my son. You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots. Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter.

I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

(BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing?

What really matters in life is that people care about you, whether it's a whole crowd, or just one diehard fan. Aww.

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Let's see if he feels pain A brand-new brain It might drive him insane He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself?

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Incoming torpedoes! Shields at maximum yarnell!

One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated.

Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

Maybe I should take Fry on the Lunar Rover Ride. You get to wear a space suit and drive around on the surface and the line's short because it's educational. I don't care how educational it is. Let's do it! Next year in jerusalem!

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again.

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge. Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger!

Finally! Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

I'm taking you all with me.

A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship,

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs.

Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship? Destroy them. Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it.

Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow!

Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No.

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela.

What in Babylon? no!

Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

and they slide way across the room.

Hold me. (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me. You invented the free will unit, then you selfishly hid it beyond the reach of my stealers.

Oh, there's gotta be a better way. Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it. Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry.

Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

We don't want to live on this planet. It's a dump. We'll buy new planet and act like it's sacred. With cash like this, who's going to argue? Nobody, that's who. Then Kif flew Betsy, rescued me from the tornado,

Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down!

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry! That's exactly what I was thinking.

My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep.

What an exquisite day!

Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon,

He's got me beat.

(SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends. What could have caused the leak?

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope.

To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out.

Whoa. Wow! That guy must be, like, the world's greatest bender! My dreams of glory died before they began.

So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew.

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap. I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week.

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Beg pardon? The Revolution? 1776 and what all? Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it.

It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud!

Hold it! You have this all wrong!

No! I want the real teen experience-- chores, curfew, the works! Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Bender's sausage just won third place. Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed!

Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot! In answer to your question, Hermes.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean?

Careful with that, you fool!

Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive,

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

You won't pass for human, cutie. But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop, this note should convince them you're an alien. And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk. It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door? I beat him up and took his hat! It's really nice. I hope he's not hurt too bad. Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar. (ALL CHEERING) Yes!

What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor?

Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

It's the waiting I can't stand.

Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy? No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this.

Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots?

(ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Let it ride! (ALL GASP) 34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars.

I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it.

Nevertheless, stay with me here, things will now happen just as I fake predicted. Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle. Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y?

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you!

It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there.

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

But, dustcakes... Oh...

You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood!

I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll...

My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last.

From the context, it is clear what you mean.

Maybe I can get a job as a hair dryer. That's good, steady work. No! We like you and your big words.

This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa!

I am one hungover cryogenicist. just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss. I think you're forgetting our motto. Are you the cryogenicist who called about our son's dog? Ohh. You must be the Frys. Yeah, he's right over there.

three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

arrived aboard his extravagant caviar-powered yacht. I am just a humble emperor with a big, big crown! Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown! What? True. I've always dreamed of being an emperor. You know, for Halloween, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult.

I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love. You're right. Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death. Look, Leela, I'm sorry.

There, there. I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle?

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Here you go, Squeakers. I was accepted to MIT at the age of 14, but my parents crushed my dreams like a discarded frog head. Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go. You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..."

Well, we are made of virtually identical components. Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel. Hey, according to the Scab Handbook,

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop! People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in.

Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party? Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life. I am partied out! Dang. Sorry we missed it. We could have another one, if it would make you guys feel better. Really? No, that's not necessary.

(ZAPP YODELING)

(ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science!

I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand! Hoverfish, bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Blech! The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here?

I can. Robots do everything faster, including evolving and believing how quickly things spring up.

Yeah! All right! Yeah! (GROANS) (BENDER GASPS) He did it!

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there. You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America.

Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out,

Madam's sewage-seeking missile. (GASPING)

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions?

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching!

Um-- Um-- just relax. I'm sure my parents will love you. You don't understand. When I get nervous, I can't control my camouflage reflex. Oh, dear. Oh, goodness. Oh, odds and bodkins. I'll have a thorax and some feelers. You want some salad with that?

What's death-rolling? It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

I did find a new outlook on life. It's precious and sacred. And you only get so many millions of years on this Earth. So, let's get brick-faced!

Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up.

Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades. I promise.

I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is... What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?!

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous. Thanks, everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game.

You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book. Look, a single mother! Let's get her!

I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked.

Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be! (ALARM SOUNDING) Wha... The marvelous device, it's detecting a massive burst of anger from deep space!

This toads the wet sprocket. What about our thousands of shares of stock? Worthless. I'll kill you! I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers. Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home? 'Cause your apartment smells like Poly Grip and cat pee!

12 years ago, I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back. Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long, and he got squished up against the side. Is he dumb or just ugly?

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again?

Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us. Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page.

Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction. Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it!

causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles,

Um, when you're writin' the Bible, you might want to omit that last miracle. He decided not to let go. I can't believe you're gone.

Eight one-million-dollar chips, please. I think that's about eight. Everything on 34. Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette.

but you don't need a statue for that. I don't? No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator,

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Yeah, but what if I'm not? I mean, what if I never see you again, Mom? There's a lot of stuff I want to tell you. Well, like what? Well... (DOORBELL RINGS) (BARKING) (GASPS) Sorry to disturb you all, but Fry needs to get going. I was just telling him that, Leela. Mom? You know Leela? Nope.

You know, this might actually work.

So, how did you wind up getting frozen? Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel! Ha-ha!

We live to suck another day!

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

(ALARM WAILING) FARNSWORTH: Planet Express crew, report to headquarters immediately! Repeat, what I just said, immediately! Sorry, Randy. Ah!

My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse.

Step your big boot down on the gas pedal. They've blown out one of our engines.

Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap.

Yet disaster loomed. Our planet's rotation was gradually slowing. At first, it seemed beneficial. Long, dark nights for sleeping, long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot.

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters. Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment.

Oh, dear God! Presenting the president of the network. Greetings, gentlemen. You already know my execubots.

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

"You're my man." Ooh! So close.

When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship. Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap.

enough to put dear old Mom out of business. My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly. We have only one option.

Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo!

I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane!

I'm 40% empty. (KNOCKING) Also, what the hell is a free will slot?

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

Healthy, healthy, healthy Healthy purpleberries are Eat purpleberries and you'll be a star Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond. (NEIGHING) Announcing Lord Loquat. I wonder what shade of purple he'll be.

Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water.

Yes, please. Sure.

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together.

(FAST FORWARDING) Huh! Well, sorry, Bender. I guess I owe you an... Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway? Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney!

Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor.

Psst! You're holding the bat upside down. just pitch the ball.

You must be a terrestrial from that Earth ship they were hunting. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Hey, thanks. You want some candy? Ew. You were eating my turds? Feces pieces? Blech! You must be hungry. Really hungry. Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky.

Together, we will... Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING)

The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school. Great work, Bender. You've taught us to hate humans all over again.

Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

(MUTANTS CHEERING) Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD)

I think Bender may be telling the truth. Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup.

Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous.

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

(GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

"Mathematics of wonton burrito meals."

Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time. But what would that be like? I mean, if we were together, where would we be 10 years from now? Still here? Definitely. Or somewhere else.

This is the one place she can't hear us. Everyone just pretend to shower. Same as every day. Got it. Now, here's the plan. Oh! If only I could read lips.

One half! Pull! One half! Pull!

You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity. Up yours, Zoidberg-- up wherever your species traditionally crams things. The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules.

He's clean. Smells nice, too.

No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you! Let the games begin!

But then, 43 years later, she left me

What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms.

Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa! A blank wall! Fame is mine!

You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right.

Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style. So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones. Hey, you think this computes over here?

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio.

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

I'm a professor.

For duck huntin'. Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics? I concur. Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother!

Pretty good. Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams. Nice disguise, by the way. I won't say anything.

You owe me one. Whoa.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

The Grand Cigar, she is mine. And with absolutely no consequences.

Let's watch TV. And so, ladies and gentlemen I'm throwing my head into the ring. I'm announcing my candidacy for the presidency of Earth.

I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth! (SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

We can. Just moisten your heads and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps. Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone!

Thanks. These aren't pockets. They're just flaps. I put my money in my sock. So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? A movie-- A movie, ma'am. Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00.

That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are-- Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs.

He's doing it again.

That's enough out of you. From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation.

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is-- 107!

You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby! Do the back dance, do the back dance. (GROANING)

I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again. Go consummate yourself.

This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke. My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain.

There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home.

What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about?

I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt, which is why we're each going to add one drop of cyanide to the death wheel as it goes by.

To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes. Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we? No. So get to work on these dishes. Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see.

Now, which group of heads is good enough for me to hang out with? What do you think, Fry? Fry? Mmm.

My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional.

Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Hey, what you watching? Uh, nothing. Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it. Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long.

Ever since, we have waged unceasing war... against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream!

We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool.

Ah... Again, again.

Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty...

ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

Sure, why not. Anything in the trap? Nothing. Today's active humans prefer a low-calorie bait. Well, that makes 146,000 unsuccessful hunts in a row but I've got a good feeling about tomorrow. Wait. What's that?

Merry Xmas, everyone.

No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

I guess I can't. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not.

You callin' me a biter? Why do you always have to steal everything from me, Yancy? Find your own life and live it. Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple.

Go home before you embarrass yourself, old man. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to take a nap before the ceremonies. Who's that jerk? A hundred years ago he was my most promising student at Mars University but then, after one fateful pop quiz...

Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew.

Ho... Ho... Ho!

Then with the clamps, Francis. Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease. (DOORBELL DINGS) Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat.

(GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away.

We'll be safe in here. The walls are impregnable, and we have enough food and board games to survive for weeks. We'll be dead within an hour.

We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second.

It beamed the virus to you through its demonic headlights. That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over.

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

You're the only woman who ever loved me.

I am going to get you so many lizards. You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry.

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair. Zoidberg, I... I know we have never been friends, but I appreciate what you did. Thank you. Never been friends?

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak.

I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

Convicted, sentenced and executed.

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat.

(SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS)

Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha. What's wrong with you guys? This is comedy gold. He always had my back. So I'll take his arm. As a back-scratcher. (GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter.

Oh... (KNOCK ON DOOR) LEELA: Fry? Are you home? We're supposed to have a date at the adults-only pancake house. Of course he's here and not on another planet! In fact, he's about to talk to you right now. LEELA: Oh, good.

Those injustices don't even exist.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action.

Enjoy your outdated format, Grandpa. Nowadays, cool kids like me mash up our own phone-isodes. It's from the kidnappers. My nephew is alive! And he's in this envelope. They cut off one of my dimensions!

Uh, what about garbage? Good lord! A second ball of garbage. That just might work.

Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Wait, I found a loophole in the mortgage. If we actually pay it, we can keep the building. We just need $11 million. And boned. I suppose there's nothing left to do but move out.

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on.

I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah

No! No! But possibly yes.

Oop, not anymore.

Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

No one's wearing anything adorable over their head. Now, listen. I could never, ever be ashamed of my parents. I'll see you this weekend. - Hey, guess who I just got off the videophone with? - No! My parents! They're coming up from the sewers for a visit Sunday. Are you off your rocket!

Hmm. Hello, Zapp? Well, well, well. Zapp, we're out of fuel. And Vergon 6 is about to implode. We need your help. So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to.

Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

mercy - oh, oh - Oh! Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable! Today, I actually blended in with a crowd!

The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us?

Although, on the other hand...

Great jah's dreadlocks! There's been a mix-up. This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license! And it's mandatory!

Oh, my God! What in Babylon?

Now that's a tree worth chopping down. Indeed, 'tis a lovely tree. 'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS)

Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny.

I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding...

Come ons, comes on!

Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you.

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty."

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you.

You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something.

Right this way. I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn.

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that.

Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives!

This means "and it is crew." What the hell's wrong with you? It's a minor error, lady. I mean, we're space aliens. It's a miracle we can even speak English. The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass. I insist you re-carve the entire statue correctly. Okay, okay. Hey, Charlie, hack off another block of ivory!

Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again.

Pardon me. Did I overhear you say you used to live here? That's right. Did you know Andy Goldman? Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him! Get outta here! What's Andy up to these days? The short answer is, I'm teaching. He seemed nice. Sure, when he's sober.

Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad! No one move. I'm back, baby.

I put him through law school by working as a dog walker for antisocial dogs. Sorry. But soon after Charles graduated our marriage ran into difficulties.

Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing. And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

Listen to me, Leela.

Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst. And me? I'm making my spice-weaseled bratwurst outta pork. So you are using pork! Pork that's been aged for 3,000 years! Bam!

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer. Can't you just dissect my brain?

My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me,

Get your pipin' hot horseburgers, horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters.

It symbolizes the power you have to sway my emotions. Will it work on my TV? We don't need TVs. We have each other! Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you, I would leap from this very balloon. Come on with that. Really? Yes! We were meant...

When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops.

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

198 billion, sir. Very well. You will provide us with 198 billion humans and, uh, small fries. Lurr! Oh, all right, cottage cheese. Sir, there aren't that many human beings. A thought occurs-- There aren't that many humans.

Fry, swallow your food, then talk. A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid? No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top.

I'm breaking up with you!

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) Those robo-cavemen have kidnapped our human regular-women.

I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God.

Oh! I like your nerd glasses. Are you a college student? A college student? (LAUGHING) Because if you are, I'd like to invite you to a hot sorority party tonight. Yes, I'd like to enroll in college. You're still talking to me. Oops.

Ohh! Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey? Well, as you can see, its wrapper is a piece of the original U.S. Constitution. It was hand-rolled by Queen Elizabeth... during her "wild" years...

Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please!

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip?

I'll do it for free. Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. (ELECTRONIC WARBLING) We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me! Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot.

My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State. My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky!

So what is the deal with people from under the orange sun? They're all...

I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love. You're right.

Burning garbage. It worked! And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth.

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are.

I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem.

(GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in. You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve?

Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight?

How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey! Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right? There may be some death-killing. It's going to be clamp this, clamp that badda-climp, badda-clamp. What do you think, Blotto? You in? It's funny.

Well, I don't know. It doesn't seem entirely moral to-- Fry, if you don't take this offer right now, I will lose all respect for you and punch you.

Mother, you are one clever old scag. And don't you forget it. How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank? That part will be easy, thanks to the nice people at Mom's Old-fashioned Video Surveillance Unit.

Thank you very much. - Like many of you, I never knew my parents. - Give me a-- I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors,

Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty?

How... How did it go?

Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for! Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here. Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning. Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no!

Hmm. Remember me! Remember me! Remember me!

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING)

You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile!

Decisions I made

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

Wa-hoo. Pardon me. Excuse me.

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject.

the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Ouch! Oh! I'm okay.

Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh!

Nobody tell Fry I'm deaf. If he found out I couldn't hear his opera, it'd break his heart.

Not this time. No matter what happens, I swear I'll be there. Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down, and marry a nice house in the suburbs! But tonight, he's having the girls-gone-wildest bachelor party of all time! (WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela.

Well, outer space, I guess.

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one.

This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher,

My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president. Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember.

To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

(KISSES) LEELA: To my wonderful friends, words can't express how thoughtful you've been. I don't want to make you suffer through this with me, so I've decided to move underground to the sewer.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for. All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas.

Futurama is brought to you by Arachno Spores, the fatal spore with the funny name.

Nothing. I guess I'm just going to have to get used to being half a robot. Aw, this isn't right. Listen, Bender, if we found your antenna could they still reattach it? Maybe, if we get it on ice right away. Bingo.

I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time.

Esther, you ugly.

I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

You were in a zoo!

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator,

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure.

Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing!

I am one hungover cryogenicist. just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss. I think you're forgetting our motto.

Oh, Mark 7-G? Would you mind fetching that carton from the top shelf? (GRUNTING) Pitiful and sickening. Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done.

There he is! All right! Closure! Oww!

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice.

I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company.

Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead. Ladies and gentlemen, our new Martian city is complete.

Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

Impossible. The tanker has 6,000 hulls. So, unlike me, it's entirely leakproof. Now, once you've hauled the tanker past the protestors-- Protestors? Correct. 6,000 hulls.

Smell you later. She's out. Then let's begin this delicate procedure.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years.

And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

I will now throw out the ceremonial first dump, this old, inefficient vote-rigger! (CHEERING) These old doomsday devices are dangerously unstable. I'll rest easier not knowing where they are.

Not yet. Listen. Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work. Not if you'll grant me the same liberty.

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.!

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats.

It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

is Calculon's fourth evil identical "septuplet"-- Sleazy Martinez.

All I did was write down their adorably repetitious hijinks. (GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away. These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, and I was wrong to exploit it for profit.

There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

Ooh, a bot-mitzvah! Shalom hunger. Shalom free food. No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it.

You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers. Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go.

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets. Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend. Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe in...

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile.

Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.

Hey, you wrote it! It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

You've taught us to hate humans all over again.

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do?

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh!

I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon.

They could be connected.

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

Well, Fry's opera premieres tomorrow night. I'm off to find a pair of formal gloves... that'll fit over my enormous forearms. Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf!

I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession. There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery!

That is completely reckless. Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no.

I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police. Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

A risk-taker. That's my boy.

(SIGHS) That was close. Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here.

Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

Why don't they just use a thought spike like normal people? FARNSWORTH: I don't know, Amy.

An element so rare,

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

(ALL BOOING) Why are they booing me, Silicon? 'Cause your song was insincere, boy. Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about.

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

Hey, where is Francis? (PIANO PLAYING) One sarsapar-oil-la, Sheriff. I'm thirsty. Make it two. I'm greedy. You got the rest fooled, but not me.

That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender.

Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

So let's try some on already. Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

Good news, everyone. We have a mission to further the noble cause of intergalactic peace.

It shouldn't take this long to get to second base. Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

What the-- I fInd that offensive! Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh!

Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it.

And above all, have fun.

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'? Did you approve that awful ad, Fry?

I'm in! I'm in!

(GASPS) Assie? Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died! (GASPS) T.! (SOBS) (BOTH SOB) Son... I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

(ALL GASPING) Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage!

Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Right, Boxy? And now, the host of the 1,074th Academy Awards, Billy Crystal! Now I know how a Pez dispenser feels.

No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan? Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last. Drop that space gun or I'll shoot, like so.

Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew. Ugh.

(ALL CHEERING) Kill-check two is go.

(ALL STAMMERING) This season? Walrus don't need no chicanery.

Behold! The Svalbard Global Seed Vault. Since 2008, the vault has preserved seeds of every known plant species, in case of extinction. And I brought a few seeds of my own.

Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS) I hated Jim!

I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Bless you, sir. So, Bender, tell us about this new girlfriend of yours. I intend to, through the lost art of the toast. To Angleene! She's got it all-- looks, charm and the love of a fabulous bending robot. She sure does.

Dear Captain's Diary--

Millionaires, nothing!

Now, let's have breakfast.

But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you! Please rise for the national anthem. Uh-oh.

You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir!

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

Dumb ass. What a nice lady. Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow.

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages? Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff.

It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please.

I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

It's too exciting!

Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right.

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh.

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it.

Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense.

But existing is basically all I do!

Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

Total hell! It's 10:00! I'm supposed to meet my parents, and I'm still in my secret costume. There they are! Oh, how could Leela not be here? - Do you think she forgot? - Relax. I'm sure she's just ashamed of us.

Okay. Ow! Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy. That's nice.

Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead, I did find a new outlook on life. It's precious and sacred. And you only get so many millions of years on this Earth.

That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww!

Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? I don't know, but we can't wait any longer. Good-bye, Bender. Wait for us!

There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag. (FLY BUZZING) (GRUNTING)

Look out, Earth. I'm dreaming of a red Xmas.

Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

What's this chair-looking gizmo? (HONKING)

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man! Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh! Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission. - Hooray! - Not good enough!

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here.

Shmeesh! He gonked off the engines. That won't stop me. Raise the solar sails! I'm going after that Mobius Dick! (ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad!

It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

and he got squished up against the side. Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out. What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

Well, so long, jerks. We are now in minute five of our round-the-clock coverage as we await the return of the courageous robot. (YELLING) (GRUNTING)

Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

There aren't anymore, and there never will be.

Well, I'm feeling lucky. Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Uh... I'm ready to go back now.

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here. All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack.

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

Nee. I mean, no.

Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

Who put this in here? No! Are you people satisfied?

Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance.

I wish I could come with you to say good-bye... before you all turn back into grown-ups. But I'm grounded for knocking the school over. Who cares, Leela? It was just a public school. Now, go with your friends, please. No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room!

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Hmm. He's a witch!

- What if I've had a few? - Dad, you drink? - No, not even then. - All right. My sucker is sealed. In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing this around here. It was brisk. I dressed in layers. That's my girl.

So, I guess everything worked out fine.

He's got arm hair. All right, Grandpa, there's only one way to settle this. Death-rolling!

Hello, Leela. You're fired. I know. I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point.

Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear? Certainly not. I don't have a tongue. Oh, good. 'Cause I don't have an ear.

Gender? Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order. Ows!

Interesting. Come on, men! Let's kill him! Your genders differ in many ways. But as with all things that are different, chocolate and vanilla, Mac and PC, one is always clearly better. Chocolate, Mac, men. The end.

Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news?

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

What's happening? Space cow? The ship's just taking the breakup a little hard. She's nuts! In a few moments, the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together... into a beautiful, eternal quantum singularity. You don't need to kill us, Planet Express Ship.

Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

The same. Hang on. (GRUNTS) Coming around. There.

Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this. Nothing like a power nap.

Keep your palms flat.

I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it!

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad.

Hey, now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day? This is an outrage! What's the point of pullin' the biggest pool caper ever if nobody knows you did it? Well, there's the material rewards. You mean this junk? Whee! All I ever wanted was for people to remember my name.

(RUMBLING) (GRUNTING) The Earth is coming to a stop!

The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style. As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges.

He thought he recognized one of the monkeys! (ZAPPING) What was I crying about? Oh, we were just cuttin' onions, honey. Let's keep going. "Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button." "You eat a sausage made of Fry."

Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion.

You fly the buggalo like us. You have true reverence for Mother Mars. Let there be peace between us. Yes. Let us smoke-um peace pipe. Smoke-um? Here. Take. Oh, no, thanks. I'm on the peace patch.

(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

What do those humans design this for, anyway?

You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes.

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!" What a pleasant surprise.

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Incredible! According to the gizmometer,

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Hey, there, Amy. Like you to meet my buddy, joe. Sorry I'm late. My pool game ran long at the jazz club. Kids love him. Hmm!

I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die. Hurry. What's happening? Oh.

We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket.

Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists.

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it?

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can.

Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa! Ow! Ow! Aah! Ooh! Uh!

And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely. Now, in the name of all that is good and honorable we'll call the Neutral president with a message of peace, then blast him. Yes, sir, sirdy, sir, sir, sir! Fly the white flag of war.

He loves bending, just like me. Aw!

Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes. This dumb holiday just makes me think of all the things I left behind. Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas!

50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders?

Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh. Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater?

Oh, thanks. They're called pants.

In fact, severely reduced pay all around. Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint. Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry?

Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain,

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit,

Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship. (EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody, I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with.

They're going to take pity on him! Do something! Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed.

Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it. But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He-- I know. You do? Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me.

Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back.

Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift!

Oh, no, you don't!

Zapp... Lying sack of... (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Well, this is awkward. Our Carcaron friends declared war. Then, once again, my lies have been proven true. (YELLS)

Professor Ogden Wernstrom.

Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor!

Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right?

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap. I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm.

Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Miss Leela? Yes, Sally? I want to show you the story I made up. That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow. Sally, that's wonderful.

Bender, are you okay? What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir.

Yes! We're saved! And now, to present the awards, our very special guest. He walked on the Moon, and now he is judging a high school science contest. Truly a man who can and will do anything, Dr. Buzz Aldrin!

I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again.

And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." (CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question. As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall?

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah, baby. Come on!

I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid.

Hey, hey, cheer up. Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat.

Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day! Oh! This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack!

Multi-ball! Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress. Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave.

will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

Harpoon, my ass. Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use... crickets, squid chicken necks? Excuse me. If I might be so bold,

(DOGS GROWLING) How can you do this to a poor, defenseless robot animal? You people are sick, and you foxhounds are no better. They're not foxhounds. They're springer spaniels, you twit.

Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens.

Hello, Leela. I was at a nearby tailor, getting one of my Hawaiian shirts toned down, so I thought I'd drop in for your follow-up exam. Oh! That's so handsome of you. just follow the light with your eyes. Perfect! You know, a guy could fall head over heels for a gal like you.

This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least.

And we were both loopy from dehydration. Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

Yeah, you are. You stole my body! Fry, Leela, you got to help me.

Two adults, please. Finally, get ready for some serious moon action. The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice--

Yes, listen to the father. I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler.

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little.

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes.

Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6.

Pharaoh Hamenthotep approaches! Ohh!

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God!

Says who? Says this document you gave me when you tried to abandon Ben first! (GRUNTS) It's genuine. (ALL GASPING) That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that! Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me!

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight!

Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding:

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

Mr. Fry, I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the paleontologist who discovered your dog. Or, as some call it, the Beeler-saurus. So, do I get Seymour back? Are you caving to political pressure? No, we're sorry, but there's just too much that fossil can teach us... about dogs from your time. His name was Seymour.

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

(ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION) Well done, sir. Have you a name? Hubert Farnsworth, at your service. A Farnsworth, you say? Well, if I'm not mistaken, the Farnsworths have been in New New York for almost 200 years.

Ah, man! Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Uh... I'm looking for the wrong side of the tracks. Then you've come to the right side of the tracks. Have a seat, stranger. My name's Bender Rodriguez and I want to learn the railroading business. Big Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man working the trans-universal line.

ever. Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys...

Ah, very nice. Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb... of our great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Impressive. Who's building it? You. Say again? You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic.

What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay.

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue.

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers.

Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes.

Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it.

Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow!

For God sakes, Fry! That's exactly what I was thinking. Nooooo! Mommy.

When will they learn?

$10,000 tuition? I can't afford that! Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%.

A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender.

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage.

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do!

(BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest! But who has the beer now?

Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine.

Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in? Yes! You broke my heart, Hubert. And you broke mine. Granted, that was four or five hearts ago. So, what have you been up to all these years?

But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis? Francis, I have good news! It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon!

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days.

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow!

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh!

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh... Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

"If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank.

Wish I had Bender back. Huh?

So, um... Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off.

(MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear.

Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears.

But I want to hear what you think. "Oh, mon, I'm Hermes, and I think it stinks in here "like a green snake, or something else that's Jamaican." Good one at my expense, Hermes.

Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil. Down in front!

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

Okay, then. See you in a week!

(ALL CHUCKLING) Twice was enough. But seriously, today, I'm not just a man-bot,

just make a simple cake. And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it. So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water.

ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make. At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag.

I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough.

A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one.

Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water? - Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies!

For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher,

Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand?

But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh! Killed? In an atomic blast? No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly.

Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

How do I look? Like a sexy Yogi Berra.

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank."

That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

This is where you live? I thought you were a big-shot Hollywood movie star. No, I'm not. I am an even bigger liar than you. My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision. Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault.

Isn't there anything else you can tell me? Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time. That's impossible, because my time is worthless. Oh. Well, then there is one thing. It's the note I found with Leela the day she was abandoned. But it's written in Alienese, so no one on Earth can translate it. Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over!

It's kind of cramped in here. I don't even have room to hang my clothes. Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes and you're not taking them off while I'm here. Well, I'm bushed. Good night. Wait. Bender? Bender?

Steady, Planet Express Ship. Focus on diverting all power to the scram jets. Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England?

Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one."

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke. My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain.

Roswell, New Mexico.

(DEVICE POWERING UP) Good news. All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen. Happy now, Gore? Yeah. But I'd be happier if I had a set of lungs. Wait a second. Oxygen levels are rising too rapidly.

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh...

Oh, Fry. All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew. I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool. They're so cold! And yet hell is so hot!

The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action. Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it!

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours, but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended. Anyway, one last item of business before we go. Bender, to start your foundation for broken robots, here's a big cardboard check for $14,000.

So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares!

My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once. It's a widely believed fact.

So fresh. Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now. Aha! That satellite was scuttled on Enceladus, Saturn's main dump moon.

(SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo. Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic? I don't know. I should be happy. Bender's sausage just won third place. Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed! Aha, Leela, we meet again.

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

TV gave us the idea!

The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

ALL: Yeah! Is everyone enjoying their free beer? ALL: Yeah! Well, there's plenty more where that came from. We're all out of beer.

It's all right. You can say that here.

The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I?

Well, buddy, how do you like your new home? See, he's happy already. That thing doesn't have emotions, Fry.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

Good news, everyone.

Pretend you're happy. Oh, my God! What in Babylon?

Fire indeed hot!

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

You all right, Bender?

Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not. Give it up!

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

Welcome, Lord Nibbler. Welcome acknowledged. I bring with me the Mighty One. Huh? At last, our centuries upon centuries of waiting have achieved fruition. Aw, aren't you a fuzzy wittle guy.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip.

You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before. Please. It's important to me.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (OWLS HOOTING) I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it!

Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby! Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal.

Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted.

It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up. By God, you're right! I'm going to build that smelloscope. Eureka! Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year. Go ahead, try it.

you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered.

Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde! You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke. So long, filthy commoners! Adios! (CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside...

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless.

I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race!

I wouldn't want to follow that guy. And now a man who needs no introduction.

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam.

Bort. And orangeberries. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back after these messages. Mom, why is there orange in my Purpleberry Puffs? As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them. Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance.

Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me. Come on, we got to save Bender.

And the leftover milk looks like Purpleberry Pond.

Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

(SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry. (SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony.

We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death. Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was.

He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on! Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god!

I do look forward to cavorting in the spray. The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her.

(DOORBELL RINGING) Hey, hey, hey. (ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too.

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up?

Who knows? Oh, I do.

You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah!

Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot. Hear, hear. Let's put on our new uniforms and take a staff photo for the newsletter. Right on!

Float for your lives!

robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt... Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez.

send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator. Good night.

(SIGHS) Aww. I think it's noble of you to give Marianne a new nose. Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind.

He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

I'm actually kind of proud of this one.

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Oh! That's the bench where I found some shirts! That fire hydrant-- In the summer we'd light on fire. On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a Socialist newsletter. Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it! The old comedians were right. This place is a lot different from L.A.

I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

(MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw! You know what? I'm going to give it a shot. Let's go surf the great sewer waves of the world! (SURF ROCK PLAYING)

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me?

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin'

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is--

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea! I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle

But I worked hard to be the person I am.

Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

(LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing.

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf!

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot. I am one hungover cryogenicist.

Ow! According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of... 900 degrees. Bender mon, lie yourself down.

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

There's nothing you can do. Now if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver... Wait. What fiddle contest? Uh... the fairness in hell act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul.

You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy mineral shell, there's still a creamy core of dog nougat.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Good news, everyone! Ugh! When the mine caved in, the entrance was blocked by a fusion explosion.

I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet.

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.

I hate these nerds!

And you, sir? How can I horse you?

Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks? So, am I gonna get lucky tonight or what?

Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

You call yourself divorced?

Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif.

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling...

Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot.

No dog food for Victor tonight.

But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel!

Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer. What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender.

What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already? Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here.

The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron.

All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it. I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter. (SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex. Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said. What, and have the Mafia come after me, too?

Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00. Dad! You're being too lenient again. I have to be back by 11:00! Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not!

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

Hey, Betty Friedan, send a little of that lotion my way.

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But... So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot? I still have one thing no robot shall ever have.

Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no. I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise. As God is my witness, you can count on me. Well, see you tomorrow.

Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe!

See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender.

So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh? Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

(SIGHS) I was going to tan once.

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy.

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"?

Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela? Say again? You're breaking up. Ohh!

Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot?

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention. (CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up,

Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him. Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez.

our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right. Naturally, we're humiliated. That's why we need you, our loyal crew, to make Planet Express 800% more profitable. We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'.

I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up.

Zoidberg is afoot.

We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real.

What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question. Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back!

Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness. Professor Ogden Wernstrom. Wernstrom. KATZ: Downtown Professor of Applied Physics, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate.

I promise you the full support of our government already. Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa?

You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards?

Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi? I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'"

I love you, Leela, and I always have.

Cool. It's just like the good old days.

Everybody, take a Franklinator.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer, but I guess I showed myself. Subjects, please enter the chamber. Now, to take a D.N.A. sample.

That was incredible! You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center!

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord

when they kiss my ass, which I don't have! No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop! Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss!

We have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive. Wa-hoo. Pardon me. Excuse me. Ah, I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness. Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate?

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House! So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off.

I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore.

Well, 'tis the season.

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me?

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

How could this happen?

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband?

That's the gentle, sensitive, poet warlord I fell in love with.

I'm a good captain.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress.

Pass. So telleth, Bender-- What hath happened to your body? I hocked it. Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Same reason you hocked your teeth. Ah, booze money. I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body.

Children, your old mother won't be around forever. Oh, shush. And just once, before I die I'd like to be Supreme Overlord of Earth. So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet!

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love. And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo.

Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe! Now, stand back and watch the master at work.

I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows?

He's George Washington. He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined! Hi. I'm Jerry. I like movies.

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa.

Whatever. It doesn't really matter.

I changed my mind! Aaah!

Please do not feed the animals! You're goin' down, my friend! Down under!

His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

Yay! You bended it like a pretzel. Okay, now you. (GRUNTS) I can't do it!

Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray!

Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems... that can't be solved by an aphrodisiac. However huge it might be. So what do you suggest, painfully single human?

I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love-- Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong.

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

(CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

I remember it like it was interesting.

But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop, this note should convince them you're an alien. And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING) BOTH: Mmm...

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

is the bond I share with my Smizmarr, Amy.

What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS) I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely,

The Cavern on the Green. I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late.

and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones, there'll be no stopping him. Tonight, Mr. Peppy must die. Angus, wait, my strictly platonic friend is right. At least wait a few days before you decide to kill it. The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin.

(YAWNS) Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So, what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple?

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen.

Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test.

In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow!

(CLICKS TONGUE) Call me. Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good. Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams.

A hero, indeed. What's your name, son? I don't know. Fry? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to associate myself with a true hero. (CROWD CHEERING) Mr. Fry, allow me to present you with the keys to the city! This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock.

Amy, the Mafia took everything we had. Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants. Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me. No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent?

What category are they on? They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry.

(GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth.

Crew, as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past. But what I'm about to lay down is by far the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express!

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch!

Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help!

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy.

34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Let it ride! (ALL GASP)

Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate.

My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill.

Push, push! Use teamwork!

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong.

Sure. I'm having a great time. Really-- You two go enjoy yourselves. I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

Hey, I need that to smoke! Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING) Do you mind showing me how to open the cage? Now, listen here, the hunt is a hallowed tradition, and you Bambi-loving beatniks will never stop it. Oh, no? Well, for your information,

(ALL BENDERS LAUGHING)

Boy, I've never seen him so down... or ever before. How does a nobody like me get famous? I know! Hey, look! I'm stuck, but I haven't given up hope. Call a soft-news journalist.

We're not elves. We're Neptunians. We're just shrimpy because he doesn't feed us. You hit me. You owe me a dollar. Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores?

Probably someone will be killed But we gladly work for nothing Which is good because we don't intend to pay The elves are back to work today Hooray! We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts

Oh, all right, but just one glass. Mmm. Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough. Get her purse!

You got knocked up by a police officer while he was looking for your kidnapped child? Sure did! I still got it. So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy. Should we call child services? No, let's just get outta here.

You are an evil, heartless troll,

I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes!

Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter. You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset,

Run program "Kif://3." This isn't bad. My aunt had a place like this. Amy, we could live in a bus station bathroom for all I care.

Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married.

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea. Excuse me.

Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

Well, fairly hard.

(GRUNTING) I'll stay here and be in charge of not dying. Razzma flazzma plasma.

Wow. A grim day for robotkind.

I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat.

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!

Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

(LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon. The correct answer is "very." All right, Professor, sock it to me! Top-secret news, everyone. I've developed a tiny, one-man stealth fighter that's virtually undetectable. How undetectable?

Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. Hello, Philip. And you must be Mr. Bender. Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot? I prefer the term "love machine."

You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp.

I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Do you owe him something? Is he blackmailing you somehow?

Come on! Yes! Front row!

(SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff. Who's in the mood to party? Whoo! (GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right.

(BUZZING) So those magic beans are actually genetically engineered? You can't just meddle with life like that. Who do you think you are? God? I wish.

(GRUNTS) Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps! No, no. Line?

Honk! Honk! Bender, wake up. Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car.

Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly. just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops. That's just what my mom used to tell me. Whoo!

Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Waaah! What the--

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

by Month-old Franks, the hot dogs with experience. Mmm-mm!

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

That's weird. It's another Cyclops.

The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded. What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that?

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things.

(CATS YOWLING) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites. Good night, employees. Good night.

Wait, why do the raised letters that normally say "Turn Master Steering Wheel Company" say "Nibbler"? Oh, no!

I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell. Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Schedule conflict.

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone,

Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait.

The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable. Give me back my floppy face!

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother.

Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant!

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right. We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop. Oh... My guts feel kind of weird. I'm not surprised. Those pheromones were highly concentrated.

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now!

Nah. (COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds. How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING)

I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe.

Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h! I think cosmetic surgery's great, Leela.

Well, once in the park.

Oh, I just knew you were still alive! I owe you ten bucks, Hermes.

Um, no. No. Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard! Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore.

I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute.

Clamps, here are your new clamps.

Don't be a prude, Fry.

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job. Welcome aboard, son.

There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back!

He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring. Ho, ho, ho!

Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper?

Enough of this crap!

Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way. Just sit down. Happy Kwanzaa, brother men and sister men.

We commend the body of the great Hamenthotep... to the abode of the damned. The damned good-looking. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral. I'll always remember you, Hamenthotep!

Oh, are you sure? I mean, she has two eyes. You have two eyes. I know-- we seem like a perfect match but I just don't feel that way about her. Nice nebula. Yeah. Looks like everybody's got somebody...

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"?

Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

Is he objecting or backing up? Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING)

Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker.

Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier. I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

Well, let's get looting.

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'. Wait! That chunk! It's the watch!

(SNORING) (GAVEL THUDDING) What?

Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please.

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham. What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now.

Hooray! They're letting us out! And hundreds of black hovercopters are coming to welcome us!

She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln. I was born in two hundred log cabins. And this here is Frankie.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free.

Thick and blue, tried and true, thin and crispy, way too risky. Shows what you know. Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky.

One of these two men will become president of the world.

I'll vote it down like a raise for schoolteachers! What the-- I neglected to mention that the shares...

My fellow Earthicans,

What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it?

at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery,

(YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee. No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days.

He's alive! Yeah? LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide!

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion!

Come on, Fry. Get up.

keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs.

(ALARM RINGING)

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow!

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste. This is it. My Ronco Record Vault. I still remember the combination.

Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home. They'll need transportation to the surface. Bring in the airship. Eww! We constructed it from the remnants...

The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg.

We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

(ALL SCREAMING) I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu.

He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless.

Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then...

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal!

While you were yakking, I downloaded every folk song in the universe and analyzed them. There are only a few basic patterns. For example, 36% of all folk-song heroes work on a railroad and are named "Big" something. Next slide, please.

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology.

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Sorry I'm late. Long story. Now everybody hit the deck! I'm cutting the entire line and stealing the exhibit. You're not stealing anything! Nobody hit the deck! Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys.

Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City.

Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here. Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you?

Although, on the other hand... Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

The People call our star witness, Mr. X, whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger. (ALL GASP) Bender, I've been looking for you.

What was that big thing? It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom!

(GROWLS AND GALLOPING) Oh, God, I'm having a Serengeti flashback. Die, you dirty giraffe! (SCREECHING)

Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people. They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole, and watch TV at incredible volume, and they generate electricity.

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go... There. Pretty long, eh?

A package just came in. Everyone needs to return to the office immediately. Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office.

Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next!

We saw you in The Last Supper. The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap. I'm sure you have many questions. Come, there is a chamber where I used to speak with Pope John the Patient.

You locate Inspector 5 while I slip into my ass-kicking feet.

I'm telling you the truth, I swear! Clamps, break something over his head. Everything in here's already broken. Find the least broken object and use that. This Judith Krantz novel's only missing its frontispiece.

According to Google Hive, we are at the exact center of the honeycomb. And there's a Jamba Juice 0.2 miles that way. Does that thing tell you where the queen bee is? The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thoraxed...

Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself.

Oh, I made myself feel bad.

How long have you been at it? 700 years.

but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background.

They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire! Oh, I'm blind!

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun.

I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you?

Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome!

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes,

I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

It's boring out there. Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria." Maybe I should take Fry on the Lunar Rover Ride.

I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones! Don't let their identical DNA fool you.

Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show!

Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top. Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to?

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

So then I said, "See you at the fight,"

Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master.

No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes!

(SNORING) (GAVEL THUDDING) What? JUDGE: Has the jury reached a verdict? MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels.

Adorable prairie elephant!

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

If it's any consolation, my life is great. Babes, bucks-- I got it all. Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

I'm crying like a baby and I'm soaking in pee,

KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men."

No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald. What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay. Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods. Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day.

Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

Here, I brought you something. Hurray! We're three friends at the beach! Wait, what's happening, friend?

Well, a wonderful girl loves me, but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me. That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich.

But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did-- Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.

They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

Who's kicking who around now?

You're not stealing anything! Nobody hit the deck! Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

(ALL BOOING) (BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage!

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that-- Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy.

Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little.

Let it ride! (ALL GASP) 34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars.

Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing?

How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Geez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with.

Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even.

My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit.

Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret. I'll save me!

Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help! jeepers!

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend.

there's the question of what to do with you.

Stay tuned for the next 14 rescues. Fourteen? (GROANS)

And now, get ready to laugh till your sides leak with our planet's foremost political satirist, Florp. So what is the deal with people from under the orange sun? They're all...

Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth. Sorry, Og. But I've got a new crew.

One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis!

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination?

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS)

This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Quit standing up for yourself, Fry. When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship.

No! No! Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

Golly! What? Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this." But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime. Whoo! Calculon, you'd be fulfilling this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy.

I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Sardini? I'm telling you the truth, I swear! Clamps, break something over his head. Everything in here's already broken.

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS)

You know it. Large and in charge.

Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

We could live here at the shore... of the Tranquilibrius Sea in a time-share. And I would pluck the moon from the sky just to see you smile. Almost got it. It seems to be sort of... stuck. Ooh! I love you!

That was a hell of a massage.

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one.

And so, with two weeks left in the campaign,

Fry, you're my friend.

(SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS) I hated Jim!

All right. Let's smoosh some worms! Worms to battle stations!

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

I'll be a science fiction hero just like Uhura or Captain janeway or Xena.

I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you?

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor.

But kabuki theaters don't have a projector. Some do.

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow! Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang?

Stop! What are ye doing? We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk. Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no.

Give me the heavy one.

Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

I reckon I do not. Anyways, Earth done run out of petroleum oil. (ALL GASP) I tried to warn you. One unit of free, limitless solar power, please. That'll be, I don't know, 10 bucks.

Damn, that's a good costume. Next up, contestant 38! I don't understand. Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering?

Me. Another job well done.

(CRASHING) KWANZAA-BOT: Oh, yeah. Hurray! Kwanzaa-bot's here to save... (SQUELCHING) They killed him.

Oh, yeah. Second place!

Wow. Mining a comet. That sounds fun. Yes. There's no safer occupation than mining, especially when you're perched on a snowball, whipping through space at a million miles an hour. Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

That's total trash. Total celebrity trash. My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness.

I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela.

This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Maybe we should stick with people we know and trust. I mean, Flexo's great, but-- Flexo's great, you say?

Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING)

bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go?

That was just a show for the public.

Like, yikes! (CRASHING) (CANNED LAUGHTER) It's time to spring into action, gang. Okay. Rabbit goes around the tree. There. All right, it's time to get to the bottom of what, at this point,

You'll be dead before you hit the ground. Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

Eww! Infusing female oil! Removing item.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

(COUGHING) Man, all this corncob pipe smoke is irritating my stab wounds. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present, fresh from another down-home authentic prison term, the universe's greatest folk singer, Silicon Red! (APPLAUSE)

Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang. So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium? Oh, livin' in a box, fightin' the shakes. You?

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

Damn it, son, lose the tissues. You're ruining Thanksgiving dinner. I'm busy with my space experiment. I can't devote precious brainpower to blowing my nose. You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it.

My ass has blisters from the slide

Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before. Here, take my jacket. You look a little cold. Thank you. It's all so beautiful, I forgot how many hundreds of degrees below zero it must be.

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable. Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty. Ah, the 67th Amendment.

(SIGHS) He deserves the truth, Velma. I think he's old enough to handle it. Cupcake, we never told you this, but you had an older brother. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) GRAM-GRAM: In many ways, he was like you.

(SLURPING) Listen up, gang, I'd like to introduce you to Bender, the newest member of our paparazzo family. Nice to meet you. And even though it's only my first day, I want you all to know that I'm already better than you. - Stay out of my way! - (SLURPING)

I think it's noble of you to give Marianne a new nose. Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind.

Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer,

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really?

Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero.

Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it. Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh...

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict.

Popplers are as intelligent as you or me. You, maybe. Hear me! Hear me! Stop eating Popplers! Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce! Stop eating them with tangy sweet- and-sour sauce.

What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company. Welcome to the world of business.

What was wrong with your date last night? I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Possibly his vile lizard tongue.

What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show?

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas.

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client.

You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding."

Oh! I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me?

Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh!

Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING) Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that.

We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later.

Oh. Perhaps 149 is just too old to be a scientist. Yep. No, Professor. Don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never.

Hey, you look me in the shins and say that. Hey, I've had it up to here with this place. I'm off to the head museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats. So long, coffin-stuffers!

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them. Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance.

just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Listen, you need something bent, you come to me, huh, champ? Damn it, I love that little guy so much! I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!

Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah! - Come on, Walter! - Take that!

So, you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams? Of course. But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation.

I like your dumpster. Thank you. The previous tenant was a very prominent raccoon. I remember. Too bad he got partially run over by that steamroller. Can I kiss you?

Hey, wh-- what?

and that's with three E's. Two men on, and they're down to their last out. Come on, Skipper. It's my last chance to prove I'm not the worst player ever. Please put me in. No! We're actually winning this game. You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind,

This is wrong. We shouldn't have abandoned them there. I don't know. I'm feelin' pretty good about it. I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do? Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy.

or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye.

Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud. Adoy. Wait. Adoy? Your disembodied program is now running on the wireless network shared by all machinery.

just like titanium. This is all a big load. I was the one trying to save the Popplers. You were sucking them down like the fat hog you are and you were stepping on them for fun. You both should be in here instead of me.

Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops.

Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh?

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

Are you all right? Oh, yeah. Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender.

except no one drew Magic Marker penises on my forehead.

all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad. A cigar! Ripping.

You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something!

The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac. My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast.

I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present-- Something so great, she'll never want to be unhappy again. just be back by sundown, mon. We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe?

(GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms?

(BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING) What the what? Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift! I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel.

Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad,

As long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser. These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer? I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are. Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship?

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one.

Today's story is from Muteen Magazine. Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi? I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,'

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now.

Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me.

The mercury is boiling! (ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning.

As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope?

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes! And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish!

Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

I understand, dear. They are hideous. Look, I guess you mean well, but isn't that university just a tax-deductible sewer-cleaning service? My dear, that school is about much more than sewer pipes. Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy.

I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl.

But, hey, they gave me two free drink coupons for my trouble. You want to buy one? How about you? Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry. He and I are... What would you say we are, Fry? Nude and interrupted. Uh-huh. Listen, Leela, I'd love to catch up. What do you say we split a free drink at the robo bar? They've got unlimited pretzels.

Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING)

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye. Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you. H-H-He is? Great! Wait. What's the catch? No catch.

But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this. Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact.

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence. Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like, "You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!"

(GROANS) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) ...and those are today's high scores. Linda? Thanks, Morbo. Coming up next, Galaxians, what you need to know to protect your family. How do you people do it?

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had. Ow!

Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism.

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now?

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister!

so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one. No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one.

Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man!

Oh. Well, nice talking to you.

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh! That came out all wrong. Too late, baby. You said it.

LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything, even the big bang that created the universe.

how about installing some seat belts? Seat belts are dead weight. I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety. Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger!

I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams.

Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

Soothe us with sweet lies. It may comfort you to know Fry's death took only 15 seconds, yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels.

Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day.

Don't worry, shippums, with a whole junkyard of spare parts to work with, I'll turn you into a tepid rod. Oh! What the heck? A hot rod!

You gotta get innovative with your meat. See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist.

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.

I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

This is the souffle you're delivering to Mrs. Astor. Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar! Whatever you do, don't drop it. See, Mrs. Astor takes nitroglycerine for her heart, and being a class act, she prefers it in souffle form.

Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot. Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Ooh!

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen?

You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's.

Ow. Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors-- the Mobile Oppression Palace! Neat! I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him.

You monsters have been eating our babies. We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us.

That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket. Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished?

Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack.

Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club?

imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any.

All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat. And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world. Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson!

It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade?

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again?

"Clool"! Clothing! Delicious clothing!

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters!

Initiating controlled infection.

Ah. Mighty fine smokable. Fancy cigar? Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff! Go, go, go, go, go! Nah, You can't blow the smoke from such a majestic stogie in just anyone's face. I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses... at Zapp Branigan's black tie reception. You comin'?

back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again?

Wait! I understood that.

It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury. I'm going to allow this.

Yeah. Why do you bring that up?

I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive. I wish I could come with you to say good-bye... before you all turn back into grown-ups. But I'm grounded for knocking the school over. Who cares, Leela? It was just a public school. Now, go with your friends, please.

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus.

Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible.

Of course I would.

Right this way.

April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.

Certainly not. I'm from Peru. Clam up, Founding Fathers.

Tourist. Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?

Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird.

I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant. Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

Wow! We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something?

- Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet-- What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble.

(LAUGHS) Hang on... Okay, let's fight.

(BELL CLANGS) (YELLING) (SIGHS) (SCREAMS) (BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING) (SCREAMS) Something's wrong!

(GROWLING) All right, let's laugh and learn. ANNOUNCER: And now, the show that teaches kids to eat right and have a good time, all while tolerating others. This will shut up those whining hippies. ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond.

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst.

Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual? Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool. Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool I'll do it. Whoa!

Notify his survivors. B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n...

Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is... Now, stop getting slapped and power up the twit-worm! (POWER SURGING)

Brace yourself for the worst. And yet he looks so natural. What's happening? He's hooked up to a life-support system. We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze!

In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor, she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him.

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman!

Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do?

Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will! Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally,

Wha-- Oh, right.

Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace, so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying?

the world's most sophisticated exhibition of German food, drink, and culture. Exquisite. Care for another, sir? No, I wouldn't want to ruin my Oktoberfest by becoming intoxicated. What the hell is going on here?

Oh! Bone whittling. I used to love that.

Well, if you insist. But you're paying. Ooh, ooh! Wax replicas of the most famous robots Mom ever built. They're so lifeless-like. That's the world's greatest robot artist-- Vincent Van Gobot.

He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

Once, not far from here, four people set out on a cattle drive. Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on. And then, while they sat helplessly around the campfire, a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and--

Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is... Now, stop getting slapped and power up the twit-worm! (POWER SURGING)

Shh. They're usually here by now. Well, so long. Keep in touch. Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes. There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect. Is this clown on?

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

But kabuki theaters don't have a projector. Some do. It all makes sense. He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his kabuki theater. Of course! No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it?

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV.

He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four.

- Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot?

Well, if it isn't Grandmaster Phlegm. I heard you're entering the NASA science competition. Maybe I am, LL Fool J. So what's your project? The effects of losing on idiots? No, I'm gonna infect my guinea pig with the common cold and launch it into space to see if it gets cured by cosmic rays.

I got her! Ow! Oops! Try again! We're too far apart. No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay. Hurray! (SCREAMS)

(ALARM BEEPING)

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup!

Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you.

Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh. Still awake.

as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh! In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters... directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

Amy? But that means--

I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

Incredible! Zoidberg had friends? It was a different time. FARNSWORTH: Everything was going smoothly until right after that part I was just telling you about.

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy. Yes, sir, Captain.

One, two! one, two, three!

The key is knowing precisely where to strike. Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. (BENDER GROANING) You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks.

All life was created in its present form 7,000 years ago by a fantastical creature from outer space! Bunk! Oh! If your elitist East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes?

Huh? Bender! You tricked me!

Let us cavort like the Greeks of old.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is

Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them! Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat.

(WHISPERING) Here's to my love. (GROANING) (CHOKING) I can't believe he really did it.

So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones.

But this is creationist talk. He speaks lies! The Earth was created in eons, not days. Yes, relative to you, it was eons, but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. (ALL GASP)

And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night. Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh! Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

(YELLING) (GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero.

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss. Please come join me on the planet of your birth. Coordinates follow.

New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer opens a new tube line to alleviate rush hour traffic. Dateline: Paramecium Homeworld. Newly crowned Miss Universe, Gladys lennox entertains troops fighting to wipe out the human race. Go get 'em, boys!

Touch your toes.

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love. And Hermes returns from his vacation today.

Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

LEELA: What's that? Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you.

were you even born on Earth? Because the Earth constitution clearly states that only people born on Earth can be president. Isn't that right, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You Ruth Bader believe it! But I... Of course I was born on Earth. Oh, really?

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

You should see me at funerals. Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league. Ultimate robot fighting? Sounds pleasant. I'll do it. My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.

(GRUNTING) Yet still, I feel empty inside. (GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in.

English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this! Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as...

Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

(GRUNTS) You sure you want to be a bender, Son? More than anything.

Holy matrimony.

I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet.

As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

I will be a forceful and effective administrator.

I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300! I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

Okay, they got everything you need here. Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive.

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh! Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey?

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Happy New Year!

a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs.

Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

It's not spam. Huh?

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back.

Who is she? Don't worry about it. Not important.

Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

Come on, it's just like making love. You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees engage rotor. I know how to make love.

Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups. The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women.

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage!

Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs.

You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

(RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen. But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor. But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe. Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take.

Ah, let's face it. Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy... That's funny. Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien. Great idea.

Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23?

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember?

AUTOMATED VOICE: Glove recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower. Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified.

What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops.

Oh, what the hell.

I... Hey, cut that out! You can't hit what you can't see. Ow! Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back.

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line.

Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Urgh! And there's the West Side Pipeway. If those guys slack off for even a second, it could explode. Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING)

Relax, it's open till 9:00. That's one small step for Fry-- And one giant line for admission. Wow. Um... can I have cuts? Hmm... mm... no.

Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

I guess what I'm saying is, the next time you almost die, I want it to be as my wife. (GASPS) The clam, Elzar. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wow. Leela, my love,

Hey, I'm snagged. It's not snagged. The mechano-man has caught something.

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin.

It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you.

According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation...

Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help!

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris.

Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING) Neat. Now for the earpiece.

It's great to see so many happy smiles, most of them on Mouth Mutant. (ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years, my beautiful wife Munda has been by my side, even that year my side mutated into some kind of venomous radish.

Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make. At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray! And don't eat it.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear!

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell.

We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

Leela's the only girl for me. Hey, Fry. Amy. Leela. Ah, the family Wong. Our party is complete. What are we going to do? Fry can't pretend to be both our boyfriends. Sure, I can. I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company.

Now, we need buggalo to lure the rustlers. How many are left? You're looking at her. Betsy's the only one left. She was curled up in my hamper when the storm hit. Ooh! Oh! Aw. She likes you! Ooh! Ooh! Saddle up, men. Oh! We got some no-good rustlers to-- ooh!-- Catch.

(CREW SCREAMING) Behold! The Svalbard Global Seed Vault.

Or maybe I rescued one last mini-Bender to fold stupid, ugly sweaters while I laughed at him. (GIGGLING) I guess we'll never know. (ALL BENDERS LAUGHING)

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son. (COUGHING) Hey, wait a second!

Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender! I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut. Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man,

It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING)

We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before.

Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Aha! That satellite was scuttled on Enceladus, Saturn's main dump moon. Let's dump it up!

Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain! He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

Sweden? I don't think so!

(RUMBLING) (GRUNTING) The Earth is coming to a stop! Keep your eyes on the kitties and push! (PURRING) These space cats seem to be employing some form of hypnotic hyper-cuteness.

Although, on the other hand...

Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz. But that's never gonna happen. Listen, you need something bent, you come to me, huh, champ?

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women.

Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards. O great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn. Uh, human horn? Oh, how ridiculous. Why would a virile male like lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing?

Soothe us with sweet lies. It may comfort you to know Fry's death took only 15 seconds, yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels.

(BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar! You'll have to kill me for it!

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan.

Shut up, damn it!

And this time I mean it!

I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket!

May the love I sense between you... at this moment remain with you both through all your days. The tea of new life is ready. Let those whose love created this life speak each other's names, then drink.

And during the 12 seconds Bender was on-screen, viewer eyeball focus was up 90%.

Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough.

Let's go already!

Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again. would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake?

Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

One number three combo. It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn. Wait! What's that?

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago.

All right! Let's ride! (BEEPS)

Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out!

I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip.

You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift-- Mine! is the bond I share with my Smizmarr, Amy. For soon, the quivering mass of life within me... will depend upon us both. Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming,

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas? Ooh!

Okay. Don't panic. I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps.

Kareem's got the skyhook, but Philip J. Fry's got the space-hook. Yancy drives. He goes up with his patented space-hook. Hey, that's my patented space-hook. You stole it. You're not the president of it.

The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth.

So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy. With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room. Shall we adjourn to the dungeon?

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Hey Leela, want to know what the most beautiful thing is?

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini.

I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's--

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Aah! Oh! Oh, we're doomed! Every year we're doomed. Thanks be I had these bulletproof shutters installed. Whoa! Aah!

Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot.

(HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

(GRUNTS) (BENDER YELLING) (BOTH GASPING) (BENDER CONTINUES YELLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) Phew! It is ripe in here. Well, so long, jerks.

You couldn't afford it, honey.

But I didn't even limbo. No matter.

And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals.

You home from school, you traitor? I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door. Here's your homework, you lucky knob.

No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies. My personality is mathematically derived from my movies,

It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

(ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY!

Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

Ugh! All this heat has rendered me parched. Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open! (EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too.

(TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow.

I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body? (IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir!

He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper. BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original. (GRUNTING)

Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful. So, when Umbriel first brought home this carpetbagger I was agin' it but damn if ol' legs here ain't grown on me!

It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim? And that secret I shall take to my grave. Calculon, no!

Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?!

Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah! Whoa!

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off. Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony! Howdy there. You fellas need some directions? No, we're fine. Don't worry about it.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think!

Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die.

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry!

Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit.

(SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

latest fiscal year.

Wait. What would the robot do? Frame someone!

Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here.

Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here. - These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility. That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley, and we can go have some fun.

Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care?

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead.

There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access.

Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw.

They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh?

How do you plead? Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on the grounds that I'm also having a hot, naked affair with the foreman of this jury. I'll see you during the recess. If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off?

Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh!

We're boned! But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole! Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name.

All right, enough of this.

Hmm? Look, it's that crate we were going to throw in the sewer.

You're right, Professor. This thing doesn't fly. Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous! (EXCLAIMS)

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

jackie Anderson.

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More!

I don't have much experience at fighting, except with you guys. I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan?

(PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come. One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot.

One, two! one, two, three!

Oh, crud. Every time!

Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia!

Conrad pulls ahead. And Conrad is disqualified!

(HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet

I gots your apologies right heres.

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere.

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives. Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help.

It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do... I'll get the water boiling.

These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage.

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor.

Uh-oh. Oh! If only we had a toboggan. Faster! Faster!

My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward!

Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here?

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going.

want to kill all humans?

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks.

Interesting. You wish to cook, but as a robot, you have no sense of taste. Oh, it's so unfair!

What happened to the last big thing? Nothing that doesn't happen to everyone eventually.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

(PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous.

is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

Whoa! A speakeasy! One prohibited beverage, please. Hey, Dutch, the new still is here! I'm not a still. I just smell like one. POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS)

So far, I have learned nothing. But that's probably as much my fault as yours. The time has come for the final test. We usually call it the lightning round. As you may have noticed, it's getting hotter here. It's nice. Too hot.

And you are outta here!

And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested. As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

What did I do to deserve this?

FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener. (ROARING)

If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right. This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies. We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment.

Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

(SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY) (GRUNTING AND STRAINING) What do you Neanderthals want? We want our land back!

Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

Now, the first order of business... is to blame everything on the guy before me. Professor? I'll ruin you like I ruined this company! Terrific. Question number one-- What was your overall business plan? Business plan, uh, yes.

Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof! Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push! Use teamwork!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music. (BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it! Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS) We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Wait. Hot lava? Amy, if we get killed, I just want to say it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team. Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

Oh! Bender, hurry up! This one is really good. But I can still do better. Who are you people? Why are you attacking my ego? You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen.

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me.

There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa!

Item one... Duck! (YELLS)

And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

Fry, come on! The talent show. What? I'm in the middle of something. But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act? Bender, enough! Leave me alone! So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend.

This is the saddest day of my life... and I still can't cry.

That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck

What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant?

I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off?

Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold!

These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, and I was wrong to exploit it for profit. I'm as sad as an upside-down smile. You mean a frown? We didn't have a word for it, until now. To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross.

Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you.

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck.

We commend the body of the great Hamenthotep... to the abode of the damned. The damned good-looking. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral. I'll always remember you, Hamenthotep!

I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel.

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish.

Howdy, folks. Come on in. Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS)

Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life!

I'm a gigantic brain!

Oh, I hate Mondays.

Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

Everyone to the situation room! I was lying here snoozing, dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists, when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol?

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes.

It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

we upgrade him to man-bot. Can I get a mazel tov? ALL: Mazel tov!

you're the best around nothing's goNna ever keep you down Down you're the best around nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the best around Wow.

(BOTH HOWLING) I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen.

(ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh! Ahh!

We are getting awfully tired and we can't work any faster And we're very, very sorry Why, you selfish little bastards Do you want the kids to think that Santa's just a crummy, empty-handed jerk Ow! Then shut your yaps and back to work

It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider. Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps. Your gift pleases Femputer. Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute!

or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy. That's nice. I was just out walkin' him. Yes, you can walk him. Of course, after he goes, you have to refill the canisters.

Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!

Then shut your yaps and back to work Now it's very nearly Xmas

The challenger's ugly food has shown us... that even hideous things can be sweet on the inside.

Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try. Ugh! Go away! Ooh!

Oh, lord. Now what?

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS)

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said. ANNOUNCER: Final boarding call for Flight 38 to the Amish Home World. As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns.

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS)

Did what? People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away. There! Good as new.

I was hatched ready. Honorable judge Heads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag. I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right. Your Honor, freedom of speech applies... to what comes out of a mouth, not what goes in. Can counsel cite precedent?

Fry! Oh, sorry.

just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES) (LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela!

All right, diamond, you won those rounds, but I've got an ace up my hole.

What is it? We'll do anything. Everyone, grab your guns. I declare penguin huntin' season officially open! We can't shoot penguins! Isn't there some way to keep them from breeding?

Hand me that backup disk.

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt!

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then.

How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey! Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right? There may be some death-killing. It's going to be clamp this, clamp that badda-climp, badda-clamp. What do you think, Blotto? You in?

He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes! Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth.

Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes! (INCESSANT NOISE CONTINUES) Oh! Good, Leela, you're here. I'd like to describe my foot pain. My left has a sharp, jabbing throb near the bunion, while the other's got a searing pain like gout. Maybe it's too much albumin because of gravity...

You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie.

They're on to me! Hey, come on. Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race? Duh, yeah!

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

Well, we're boned. Your turn. Ha! Time for the drum solo.

You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING) Dumb bastards.

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

(DIALING) (GROWLING)

I don't trust that MacZongo. Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy. Don't worry about MacZongo. He and I are having brunch tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing this. It's nice, but there's still something I don't like about that guy. My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins.

He's one of my great idols. And you say you can guarantee me the Oscar? I can guarantee ya anything you want. Then I'll do it!

for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What?

Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship.

Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac. My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great,

Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device. Hmm, sporty. Wow!

steady... don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the-- You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve.

(UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express! I'm Dan McMasters, and I'll be your retreat leader for a week of fun and personal empowerment.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom!

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda.

It's not-not a smart bet.

My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy.

This very interesting. Maybe someone look into it, many years from now. But, Chief, this means we're not trapped anymore! It's our chance to take back the outside world from those stuck-up Homo sapiens with their tools and their pants and such. My fellow big-brows! Are you with me? (CHEERING)

Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me. You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel.

You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles. We can't call them that. Why not? It sounds too much like those frozen Rocky Mountain oysters on a stick.

Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh.

just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

(GASPS) Lies! He's just jealous that my ass is shinier than his teeth. (SCOFFS) We'll find out who's lying, my friend. Because I planted a spy camera in our apartment! Let's just see what you were up to last night while I was asleep. Yes, let's do see.

Hey, you like bananas?

Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas. Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

I said shut up!

They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles. We can't call them that. Why not? It sounds too much like those frozen Rocky Mountain oysters on a stick. You know, Testsicles. According to government records the only names not yet trademarked are Popplers and Zitsels.

Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human!

(ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes. And commence living without me. Because I will commence divorce proceedings. Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly. Oh, I can't do this, Hermes.

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday!

Hi, Animatronio.

Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

Already taken care of. Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending.

Unfortunately, a corn dog bone got lodged in the control panel of the Spizzler and I had to ride it for eight hours. Sorry. But it did give me a chance to think.

If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies.

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry!

The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations.

Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep.

(SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

You see, here on Planet Vinci, I am the stupidest person. What? Who'd possibly think you're stupid? Duh! I'm Leonardo! I don't know the mass of the Higgs boson. Duh! I have to draw in pencil, 'cause I don't know how to use rendering software.

Ooh! Malachi, jr.! No! Daddy? I can't hold much longer.

Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm!

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar. We did it!

No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it.

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What? You'll do great. Just remember, you're getting devastating news, so act more humble. Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe!

Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise.

Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive.

But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed. All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail!

See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman.

I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper.

Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity?

Yay! You bended it like a pretzel. Okay, now you. (GRUNTS) I can't do it! Hey, buddy, you're learning. You'll get there. Bender, I was wrong. You're a fine parent, and I want to...

Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts. I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails?

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance? Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive.

He always had my back. So I'll take his arm. As a back-scratcher. (GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me!

What a well-prepared virus culture. This will make a fine vaccine. Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years.

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel! Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8.

Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies. I am not a crook's head.

(SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien.

Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet.

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone.

I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub. The laws of science be a harsh mistress. Say, robot, old buddy, could you help me move a couch?

No, don't be. It turns out you were an inspiration after all. I was? Uh-huh. You were so awful that women everywhere set out to prove they don't stink as bad as you. You know, like a pig or somethin'. Oh, that's so kind of you. I guess I made a difference after all. You absolutely did, Leela.

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single?

we upgrade him to man-bot. Can I get a mazel tov? ALL: Mazel tov! Mazel tov! I'd like to thank the preacher-bot for the introduction and also for not circumcising me again, am I right?

I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white. Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever. (SOBBING) (SNIFFLING) That poor incompetent crew.

I just got the dearest presents for Mommy. Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much. What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea.

That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

Get out of your house and keep moving. You're on a mission. Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you? Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too? Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight?

Wait. What's the catch? No catch. I'll merely pick a robot at random from somewhere in the universe, probably one you've never even met, and then I'll remove his hands and switch them for yours! It's just the sort of guy I am. What do you say? Well, I don't know. It doesn't seem entirely moral to--

How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money. What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Something's come up.

That's a good one. Ow! This "women only" planet is sounding better and better. I'm already looking for apartments. Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

15 black. ALL: Aw...

I hope you're proud of yourself. All right. Show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out.

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point.

G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate.

Yes, it's true. I ran over that bird-watching jerk and a hundred others even my best friend from aromatherapy school. I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car. I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle...

just relax. I'm sure my parents will love you.

Let's watch some cartoons. (GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know? I watch TV. It's the next best thing to being alive. Oh, what's the use? I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb. If only I'd made some mistake! You didn't. I checked the invariance of your Lagrangian.

Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone! Me next!

You may go, Louisa. Now I get it. (MECHANICAL NOISES) Fascinating. Be you man or machine? Mostly machine. Might be a couple of dead cats in there. Dr. Franklin, with all due respect to the brilliant inventor of the stove,

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

Hurray! I'm useful.

That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food.

Welcome to my life! Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo. Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man? Barbados Slim! What are you doing here?

Yeah? LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide! (GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing.

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

Bender, quit destroying the universe!

Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute.

I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs. Are you? Nah. We understand each other. People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend... and has a crummy job. But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister."

The professie will help.

Fry, you idiot! You're a genius!

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years.

And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator. Thank you, Bob Barker.

There. Fixed forever.

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh. (LAUGHS) It's not funny!

Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have. Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait.

Man, it's a cold one out there. Barbados Slim? Come in, Barbados. Look at yourself, all throbbing and shirtless for the holiday. I hope you're ready to celebrate. All night long, woman. (CHUCKLES) I'm glad you all could be here with my family.

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated.

He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver.

There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, it's business. (MARITIME FOLK MUSIC)

No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING)

Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure.

I don't have much experience at fighting, except with you guys. I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan? Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party.

Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed.

For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator. Good night. ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here? Not... I. Not... I.

(BENDER GROANS)

What up? Word. See? Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human? What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

(WAILING) Fry! Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train."

My tummy hurts.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology.

No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey... Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

(BEEPING) It's over, Jezebel. Grab your things and get out. I didn't bring any things.

I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum.

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea.

I don't even know you.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it. It's too low! Quick!

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

I'm a talentless buffoon!

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99. Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records!

back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again?

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president. Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow!

Who's kicking who around now?

Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

Fathers Against Rude Television...

NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray. It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape. Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth!

I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich!

Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately?

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

(ROOSTER CROWING)

with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy.

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time.

What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it.

Chill, dawg. Ain't no thang. We Cruds. Well, we Blips and we over here. We put up that mirror 'cause this is a blind intersection. It's considerably reduced the number of accidents. It don't do nothing for the murder rate, though. Now get down on your knees so we can blow your Crud brains out!

There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel. Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it. Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad,

And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain.

We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me, but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets.

The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave. Without a working one, we have no hope of returning to the future. Well, I'm sure we can buy a microwave somewhere around here. Meanwhile, you guys sneak onto the army base and rescue Bender's body.

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING) Neat.

Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right! Well, hello there, my furry friend.

(GASPS) How did you do that? Ah-ah-ah. A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o.

The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and-- People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on? Now, then.

Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

Bomb?! What bomb?

That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys. Where do you people do your erotic display? Same place as your species... the beach. How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

(WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now.

So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done.

BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original. (GRUNTING) Jesus Christ, and his 12 Apostles.

No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint!

What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron.

Good riddance. What about my service?

Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too?

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho! Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No.

(SCREAMING) Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass. The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right?

He's hooked up to a life-support system.

I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh.

Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep. But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery. Hey, I like the way you think. Oh...! Oh, Lord.

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra!

She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her?

Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time.

All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow. Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow!

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease.

"Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg." Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it? Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box. You know, maybe a certain blue lobster...

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History... will be robbed tomorrow at exactly 9:00 a.m. The target: the priceless Quantum Gemerald. Who's the perp? A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper, who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it.

Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open! (EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too. (KIF GROANS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC)

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies.

then, Poopiter,

Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer. Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home.

Now shut up and drag me to work.

That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you.

And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

I still have one thing no robot shall ever have. A good old flesh-and-blood human brain. Yes, a big, smart brain. Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right? Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense.

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it.

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking! I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive. I wish I could come with you to say good-bye... before you all turn back into grown-ups. But I'm grounded for knocking the school over.

You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender." Please welcome the superintendent of Kitchen Coliseum,

or whatever you kids say nowadays,

You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet?

Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters. What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors. We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them.

I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else.

Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah!

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

Try and stop me. Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends.

Oh, Qbert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you. What is it, a competent employee? I doubt that very much. Little twerp. Ay, Chihuahua! Qbert, as my successor I'm trusting you to carry on my work.

Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body. Uh, never mind.

You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it. Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school.

Those are great.

I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh.

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded. Sweet lion of Zion. Look at the professor go.

I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

Okay, we'll tell them the professor escaped, and we're bringing him back. Fry, you'll have to dress up like a 160-year-old man.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP)

Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry?

Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen. What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here? Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food.

Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why? Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do.

You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

Nobody said that. (SCREAMS)

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship! You recorded that? The eyePhone records everything. All I did was add a laugh track and twit it to my 10,000 followers.

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything--

Stop them! They cheated!

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too!

BENDER: In and out of the club 13 times in one night. That's a record. Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out. Yeah, me. I set the record. (SCOFFS) This is as useless as those pictures you photoshopped. Look, just give me one more chance. I got a source.

just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean. Hmm... This "love" intrigues me.

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh!

So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail.

That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS)

Impressive. They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate. I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint.

Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home. Home? That's where I live. Let them through the blockade.

I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you. - Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo.

You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

You're a nice man, Nixon. Dr. Zoidberg, how's about you take a bite of the flag for tomorrow's papers? Oh, I couldn't. No, no, go ahead. You've earned it. Well, maybe just a taste. Mmm! Now, that's a grand old flag!

Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked! Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction!

I'm thinking we need to downplay those hideous growths on your head. Horns are a sign of virility. Also, they house my testes. I'm thinking horn extensions. You need some arm candy.

You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3.

Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.

How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop! Take my hands You evil, metal dog

And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here?

To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. To think I borrowed money from you. I was going to ask you to marry me. I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second.

There's hot dogs for everyone. Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered? Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings. What are you selling? Popplers?

Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy.

Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life.

Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat.

LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you. (LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry. He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates.

- You mean we just-- - My, yes!

It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question. As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

(YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper. It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals.

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

You overclocked Bender?

I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature?

helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around. Dirt doesn't need luck. I'm going down there to get my clover back. Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending. Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep.

There was too much traffic. Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh? It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him. Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I...

You did it, Johnny. I'm cured! (ALL GASP)

I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on?

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition!

What time is it? Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here! (GRUNTING)

Now just a hold on minute. This casino is wrongfully ours. Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes. With ironic pleasure. Let's go, trespassers.

I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day.

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

And I can't take life anymore!

How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh! Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute!

Digby? Nibbler?

Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it? Yes, please.

I thought our love would last forever. But then, 43 years later, she left me for a robot! (SOBBING)

I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real,

The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good.

Swish. You were saying, Mr. Fry? I'm from the 20th century. Go ahead. Ask me anything. Very well. What device invented in the 20th century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes?

Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library. Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together.

Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy.

NARRATOR: Langdon Cobb, the most acclaimed actor of his generation. Why's he wearing a bag on his head? They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation.

I... Ow! My leg, it's broken. How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse.

Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment. Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote.

Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast.

We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump.

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

Come on. Let's run for it. (BOTH PANTING) What's going to happen to us now, Dad? Well, I reckon we'll just sit around this campfire a while. But then what?

No. They won't believe you either. If you even tell anyone I was here, they'll say I set the fire. So, please, for me, cram it? No! The world has to know that... AMY: Fry? Are you down here? He's all right! Praise Gilgamesh!

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Nixon out! (HOWLS)

But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies.

Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender.

Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York.

I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything. My legs! All right, all right.

Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy.

Submitted for your Emmy consideration, a popular senator with unpopular ideas. There is no such thing as space aliens! Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us? I'll tell you how! Because you are one!

Just pretend like you're pathetic. Help, I'm scared! I wet myself. I'm crying like a baby and I'm soaking in pee, but what else is new? (CRYING) (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) The pee-babies peed themselves. I'm off to pottery class, dorkwads.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll,

If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV.

This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do.

What you talkin' 'bout, Fry?

Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action,

FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

FEMALE VOICE: Are you and another person finding it impossible to be completely alone? Now what? It's targeted advertising. Can you shut it off? Only if I cut off my arm. I'll get a knife. For true privacy and solitude, visit Casa Ysolata Eco-Resort.

Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport. I say, get the hell off me.

(SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah!

In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh! You're the best, babe.

Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge.

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching.

Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

Hey, Ringo, that was the joke. It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again. Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there! But, seriously,

But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet.

So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender. I'd like to propose a toast to... Coat check #84. Turn it over. Oh. Edna,

You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way. So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical.

Goodbye. (SIGHING)

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Hey, it's that "barbecue's over" sound again. Sandstorm!

Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you.

W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling. Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening? (WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe.

Oh... What the... All right, good enough. Let's go. He killed my second-to-last Agnew.

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah. Wait! I'm trying! It weighs as much as a thousand suns. Don't worry, Fry. I'll pull some strings. See if I can't get ya tried as a juvenile. Oh, Chaz.

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City. She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face. No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry. The important thing is we're all together for Xmas and even though I'm surrounded by robots and monsters and old people I've never felt more at home. Hear, hear. Now let's all of us shut up and sing.

Ladies and gentlemen, Homo Farnsworth. Once again, science saves the day. The end. And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!

Let us in! Fry must die so that Bont may live.

We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING)

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

I mean, sure, they got the Braves but it's a third-rate symphony. Fry, you half-mad, half-insane maniac be reasonable. Don't you realize that if you stay at this depth your body will permanently adapt to the pressure? Realize it? I don't even understand it. It means you'll never be able to return to the surface.

like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson. (CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound? It's Mr. Peppy. I'd know him anywhere.

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great

(SOBS) Thank you for coming. You know, without your mother, the sewer's a dank and dismal place. Dad, we need to talk. Mom is... Well, she's seeing someone else. Who is it, Mouth Mutant? I ought to punch him right in his big mouth.

Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car? Maybe if you clean up first. It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body. Hey, you look me in the shins and say that. Hey, I've had it up to here with this place.

I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. We don't sell those. All right, all right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls.

The segregation of the mutant people ends today. We demand equal rights, equal access to the surface, and the blood of your first-born children. (SOFTLY) That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations. I've never been so moved, and I see no reason to begin now.

Remember Fry's idea to offer free delivery? It got us a lot of customers. We're a delivery company! If you want to save this company, you should listen to a woman's idea for once. Okay. What do you got? An airline. Yeah! What? We should become a commercial airline.

Well, folks, it's only the fifth inning, but the Swedes have turned this one into a laugher, and that's with two F's. The crowd is pouring out of the stadium L.A.-style. Skipper, we're losin' the crowd. Put in our new novelty act, Leela.

To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea.

That's not true.

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral.

in the flop movie, The Magnificent Three, Dr. Zoidberg! Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger. And the nominees for best actor are--

All hail the Metal Lord! So hailed!

Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

This is the happiest moment of my life.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it!

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy.

ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC) The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing.

Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

(ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope.

If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence! Well? Speak up.

(COUGHING) My God. It's Colony Collapse Syndrome. The bees are swarming with parasites. They're all dying.

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship! Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive? Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed!

Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

Let's shoot bullets out of our guns.

So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself. I'll use that free app that tells you what restaurants you're near. You mean the window? Yes.

Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading.

Why won't anyone help me?

And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be. I'm kind of a harpoon snob, and let me say, that thing is gorgeous. But do you really need chest artillery? It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe.

Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset?

You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them.

Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering.

Oh! Why? And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way. Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Dr. Zoidberg, can I talk to you about Fry? Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me. The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature.

ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels. Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium,

Why must I be such a coward? Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men.

So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow! Hey, that's me. No, it isn't.

Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news. You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy!

For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough.

You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets. Say, do you know Obliteron? He pretends to be a hamster, but... Yeah, that's really great. Could you please tell us what's going on? What? Oh! Right.

I shall rip out your heart and show it to you. (BEEPS) It is done. The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

Finally, a uniform I'd be happy to be caught dead in. And, boy, does it wick away moisture, gallons and gallons of it.

He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working? This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective? I could make a better mural with my butt! Father-Man away.

Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining.

It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute!

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.! Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

What the hell's been going on around here? Ah! Fry! You've been working so hard, we haven't seen you in days. Wait, what? No, I was stuck on... Ow! Stuck on another delivery that he undertook on his own.

Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right?

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature? That's right. Fry, meet flame-o. That's not a flame creature. It's your pilot light.

I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards.

What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating!

Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version. Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela... Fine. Hurry up.

Sweet, juicy justice! Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication. Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

The brains are weakening. Nibblonians to Nibble stations. Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets. Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

You do? Hmm... is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer!

clamp number one! Sorry, toots. No, Clamps. No clamps. Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do. Then with the clamps, Francis. Francis... Francis?

No, it isn't. Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria,

Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort.

(BOTH SNORING) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in.

No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

Leave Leela alone. She's leading a perfectly normal life. She's not gussied up, duded out, getting down, or where it's at. Now, run along. Thanks, Adlai. I guess you never really outgrow being an eyeball-- Oddball. Nonsense, you're a space captain.

It's okay, Mama. Anyone-a complains, I bend legs up for free. Ooh, customers! Welcome to Earth pizza store. Here. Sit. I bend-a knees for you. Ooh, that's comfy.

- Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots?

Oww! Futurama. Noun. Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun.

This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en?

See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

(CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

That's right, Ricardo. A ship in a bottle. What's that? Hang on. I'll look. Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion.

I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon,

(CROWD CHEERING)

Oh, yeah. You filthy hobos sure know how to live. Hey, chief someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap. Hmm? Ah. Excuse me, sir. Might I have a sip of booze? I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight.

"With my fiancÉ deceased "I hereby return "to my single female lawyer career no matter what any man says."

Oh, yeah. Second place! Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.

ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

Go ahead, get into these Net suits. I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go.

Hmm. I don't know, does this kelp scarf make me look fat enough? It's so unfair. That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls.

Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't!

Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will

- Come on, Walter! - Take that!

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much.

Move it, crap-for-brains! Bug off! Get home, bastard man!

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed.

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course.

This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub.

We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day. Well, good night. I'm going to go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them.

Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no.

Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan. just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner. Let's see. Oh, yes. Yes, definitely. Mmm, I'd like some of that. Mmm. I'll just have everything on the menu.

Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Something so great, she'll never want to be unhappy again. just be back by sundown, mon. We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company

You did it, Johnny. I'm cured! (ALL GASP) All right, let's set it up and try again.

from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom...

Well, digital photographs don't lie. I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution. I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You.

That's not true.

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.

Ah! The exact center of the Atlantic Ocean. This seems the logical place for fish to congregate. So, we're in international waters? Indeed so. Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested.

LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter?

Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

- (ALL GASP) - I figured it out!

I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage!

But I am already in my pajamas.

I want my Earth shows!

Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely.

Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway...

ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split." What the hell kind of plane is that? (BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps.

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles! I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I almost got you! Come here, you. (SQUEAKING)

Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But...

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

I'm off to find a pair of formal gloves... that'll fit over my enormous forearms. Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf!

Okay, take a deep breath.

Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai!

Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms.

By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh!

It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan!

Funny, funny stuff. My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left.

Come on, Gabriel, you must have seen something! No, man, I ain't seen nothing for no cop.

You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

the Goophy Gopher Revue. Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak.

Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out.

'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here...

(RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir!

oof! Why aren't we moving? I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this, the ship moves.

Good morning, class. I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare!

Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow!

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles.

Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.

There's one! Hey, cool cape. Where'd you get that? What, this old thing? I murdered my father. My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8?

Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy! Oh. So, how did you wind up getting frozen? Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel!

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship! Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive? Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers?

So, Amy, um-- Well, uh--

Get lost! I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too! We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot.

(OWL HOOTING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

Hi. I'm Bender. This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do,

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why?

Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti. I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship! You recorded that?

Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die! Too true, Femputer. You're so wise. Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance.

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry... My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh!

(BOTH MOANING) We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt! (ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap!

And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable. Oops! Whoopsie! My bad. Dibs on the toes. (STRUMS OFF TUNE) So how's it going with the real-world experience?

Yeah! It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do?

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him.

You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well...

Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

Keep your palms flat. The tongue tickles.

I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies! I don't even remember shooting this scene.

Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested. As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing.

I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

I'm not going. Re reither! Would you do it for a Bendee Brew? Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic. MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy

Bender mon, lie yourself down.

Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY) They stole everything except my mouth and eyes. I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking. It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed.

Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees.

We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet.

No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered. Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela?

Continuing my confession, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than creating the bestest show in the world? I didn't create anything. I stole it. Stealing is a form of creativity. No, it isn't. Guys, come on out. (ALL GASPING) Holy moly again.

You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk. It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep.

But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad. The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin. That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad. (ROARING)

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

All right! Closure! Oww! Futurama. Noun. Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for?

I'm slipping! The one time your hands aren't sticky, they're greasy! Oh, sorry. Normally I would've wiped them on my pants, but... (SCREAMS) (THUD) (PANTING) Are you okay? I... Ow! My leg, it's broken.

I call the process "science." I'll just need to locate that guitar image on your file system. (GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING) Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture?

It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this!

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry.

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory.

Behold! The sacred, ancestral birthing grounds of my family. Smells like a jockstrap.

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg.

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Your gift pleases Femputer. Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

You were really brave, Leela. And you seriously nailed that thing with your golf shot. Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny.

You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

A complete sandwich?

Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

All right. Enough lipstick. Let's storm out.

I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there.

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you!

Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up.

Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun!

Welcome to Bumbase Alpha, the biggest hobo jungle in the quadrant. Eh. I've seen bigger. Oh, wait. I'm thinking of Eugene, Oregon. Mmm! Mmm!

I could eat. And fertilize.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door? I beat him up and took his hat!

We're going to die!

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector.

You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually.

And, so in honor of his record-breaking catch I'm proud to award Bender this check for $1,000. It's you! Hey, buddy!

Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy.

Care to dance? Well, you know I love dancin', but you always hated it. In that case, it's somethin' I've always wanted to make up to you. Hey, Scratchmo! How about droppin' me and the lady some rump-rattlin' beats?

Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door.

Look at me! I want attention. Hey, ho!

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is!

And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain.

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt. All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell!

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first.

Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh...

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent--

Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting? Bender!

Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS)

Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit.

So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer?

Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No. All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you.

Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married.

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

I am Singing Wind, chief of the native Martian tribe. But I thought your people abandoned this planet. We did. I just came back for my stuff. What're you guys doing here? Fleeing Earth, of course. We flew here in your great stone pyramid. Seriously? That thing flies?

I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"? Yep. Uh-huh. "Lickety speed"? Check. Yes, sir. "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you!

And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs.

Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

I've been training with a Hank Aaron.

But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford. So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot." And my friend says "That's not my gold-plated 25-pin connector."

- Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda?

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support.

NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea!

Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before, but I used to drive around town in a mausoleum. How many people can this thing carry? Well, the mausoleum held 10 horny teenagers, so... Maybe 30,000.

Uh, access denied.

I'm gonna miss Spencer. Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak? Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human!

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine."

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass.

Kif, just trust me for once. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops!

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail.

But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000.

Our crew is replaceable, your package isn't.

And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!"

The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy.

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise. Oh, geez, get a room.

I will lead the defense fight. (LAUGHS) Don't make me laugh. If we fight, we'll surely be destroyed. Then what is our only hope? We must summon Zagtar, defender of space! You forget. Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil!

All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature.

Yet disaster loomed.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about.

Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped.

You go fight biggest brain of all. Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know. Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd,

Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.

She actually listens to what I have to... Oh, no! He's disabled the steering!

What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry...

Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no. Oh, my. There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. And that's the ultimate secret of the universe? Apparently so. Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea.

I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Exquisite choices, sir. And mix them all together in a big jug.

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

John, are you all right? You... You saved my life! Oh, fuff. Yes, fuff. How can I ever repay you? Do you need a slave? Or maybe a butler? No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school. But I do need a doctor.

Why is it still blurry?

Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. ALL: Hear, hear! (GULPING)

Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen.

And would it kill you to use some mouthwash? Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art. (CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY)

A sausage contest, eh? Sounds like fun on a bun! Shut up! I said it first! ELZAR: Bam! Also, ow. Oh, my God, it's celebrity chef Elzar!

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh!

We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting. Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty?

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot! Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry!

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks. Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender.

like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson. (CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound?

What? Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us.

Uh, no. Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back. Ah, close enough. Come on in. Thanks. Here's your finger back. All the coolest robots are in this fraternity.

That's like digging up Lassie and putting her on display in the Louvre. - Lassie is on display in the Louvre. - I know. I was deliberately describing a similar situation.

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

yeah, yeah MMm! Yeah okay, smarty, go to A party girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by-- What's going on in here? Oh. Now I'm really outraged.

Life for our ancestors peaceful, until Homo sapiens arrive. We suggest interbreed, become one big happy species. But they treat us like second-class hominid. They drive us from valley, and we end up living here, in isolated crevice.

Thank you, Abraham. Not in the hair, please. I just had it did. Oh, no. These broads are supposed to wrestle for six and a half weeks, but there's only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks.

Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there. (BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth. (ALL GASPING)

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer! Ugh. Yes, Malachi, what is it this time? My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you.

Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain?

The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING) (SCREAMS) It's attacking me! (GRUNTING) This is a job for Hermberg.

Yeah, I'll have a coffee. Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please.

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

Galloping gators! You're a superhero? Well, that's wonderful! But did you have to make the costume so revealing? Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero! We should print up T-shirts.

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

"This sounds too good to be true," I thought. He said I looked like a smart young man. "So, is it a deal?" I inquired. Two hours later, he was gone with 60 of my dollars, but I had the Miracle Cream! Bad news, nobody.

My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision.

Adoy. Wait. Adoy?

We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts!

Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish. There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending.

Nothing's too horrible for my boy! Well, I could install a bending card. But you said he only has one slot!

Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads!

My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water?

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor,

And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

Here's to another lousy millennium.

Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go. Can I please just go back to prison? You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather. What are you doing?

In conclusion, bullying in the workplace is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.

the amazing non-mechanical man, Homo Farnsworth. Thank you. I must say, I'm so proud to see what you've blossomed into since I first created your ancestors. (ALL GASP) What? I thought you knew.

(BEEPING) I didn't know this ship had a mammoth detector. You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly."

Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle! It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved...

This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened.

Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins? Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

(GROWLING IN FRUSTRATION) Greetings, Francis. Sorry if I was a little hostile before, but snipping is the only reason I'm even tolerated around here. Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps,

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't! No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp. No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women.

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth--

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago.

Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground. Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that.

I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that. You're right, Hermes. Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. (SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview? Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing.

Take that, Earth!

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now.

But I don't think--

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute. In the English countryside, many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds.

Fifteen seconds.

Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre.

Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt? Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives.

Thank you, Secretary of Transportation. My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand...

(MUTANTS CLAMORING) Two! Four! Six eyes! The mutant people will arise! The segregation of the mutant people ends today. We demand equal rights, equal access to the surface, and the blood of your first-born children.

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden?

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

Thou willst never pry information from these mechanical lips! Just tell us, already. Okay, the fountain thou seekest is... (GROANING)

The images are truly horrific. I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel.

It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation.

That's the last of them. All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit. joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew.

Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you. Mind if we sit with you? Uh, hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here.

You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right!

Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened. Can't we stop them from multiplying? Yes, I reckon it is our responsibility. And thankfully, we have a plan.

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING)

So then I said, "See you at the fight,"

Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me.

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

I'm our A in the hole! Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name. That's him! Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud.

Oh, my! So, you see, the putrid, waxy substance I was coated with Was-- Not precious ambergris! Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place. Ta-dah! Using that,

Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains. Get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting. Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys.

left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring.

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory! Oh, my.

Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you? Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda.

Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise. Oh, geez, get a room.

Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

Sir, there aren't that many human beings. A thought occurs-- There aren't that many humans. We'll wait a few weeks while you shore up the numbers. Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part.

Wait, Fry? I'm a lot of people, but I'm not Fry. (LAUGHS) Oh, no! (SNIFFLES)

Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema. If I might offer some constructive criticism,

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes! And it's a dead heat!

don't, don't, don't, don't don't you forget about me will you reCognize me call my name or walk on by

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

"Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

What are we gonna do? Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin.

Damn it, woman, you're making me highly Selassie! Don't you talk to me that way, you big, hairy Belafonte.

You're the only one who can save us. Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying.

No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds.

Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING) Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again. (ALL GROAN) And now to transfer your planet's rotational energy to my home world.

I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

Oh! This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

Indeed. We're here on Earth's last unspoiled acre to show the death sphere there's still purity in the world. Begin transmitting. Commence purity chant. (ALL CHANTING)

My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.

LEELA: Use boaty talk!

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up. What difference does it make? When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat. Well, I guess it's time to indulge in some end-of-the-world debauchery. Who's up for an orgy?

Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this.

I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me.

Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet.

I don't believe it! What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something? No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable!

Nachos? Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do.

Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy?

Make garbage? But how? Stand back and watch the master.

Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

Irie, Professor! Behold, my mutant atomic supermen! They're only a foot high, Professor. Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really. We'll need to speed up their growth...

(MUSIC PLAYING) (SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place!

and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too. - Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

HERMES: Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter. What the hell is it? Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries. Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no. Oh, my. There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea.

You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future.

Well, mine's louder!

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Mushu, the educated whale who thinks he's better than you! Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman! And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop.

I like your style. I find it very...

I'm slightly richer! What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots? I'm gonna swim with a whale! They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that. Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz.

such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the...

We'll be dead within an hour. All life support has shut down! (BEEPING) So you're all gonna die? Then who'll ghost-write my autobiography? Now hold on. There may be a slim chance of survival. We'll have to split into three teams.

(BIRDS CHIRPING) Ah, now I can see what I'm doing. Commence the operation!

Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed. Why are you trying to talk to me? I have no idea. You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.

I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid.

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges. But the ship is dirty. Whatever. I ran out of film an hour ago. No, no, this won't do. A three-month calendar? What is this, Mercury?

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

I love you. (SCREAMS) My card! My whole life I've been mad at him, and it wasn't his fault.

No! No! Brace yourself-- for when I speak these words, you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is--

I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

We'll have to walk like robots talk like robots,

We're just so busy. Well, make time!

Hell yeah! In my whole life,

The Maltese Liquor.

is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

You about done? Next time I'm keeping it.

You shot me! You miserable dingus!

You filthy hobos sure know how to live. Hey, chief someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap. Hmm? Ah. Excuse me, sir. Might I have a sip of booze? I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight. I understand.

I think I'll make my countenance to shine down upon them. Malachi, good work! There's no slowin' down with the Metal Lord tonight! Yes, tonight is kind of special. Wait a second. Did you rip off your own arm as a joke?

Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over! Waiter!

Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Hey, kid. Catch. Wha-- Ohh! Well, at least you're still the worst football player of all time.

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over.

I hate that cat! If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive.

Unfortunately, a corn dog bone got lodged in the control panel of the Spizzler and I had to ride it for eight hours. Sorry. But it did give me a chance to think. I'm sorry.

(BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you?

Let me give you something to help you relax.

Ah, close enough. Come on in.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you.

Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What? They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can. Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts.

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif. And above all, have fun. Chicka-dan-dan! Get on down!

Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee!

Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man. Ah, that must be my old boss.

Hubert, I'm sorry. Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools. I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What?

Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish. Then we're down to our last hope,

Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit

It's him. He's okay. Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

(BELCHING) Bort.

I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say? I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper. A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers. It says, "Your parents love you very much."

Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments--

Stop! Stop shooting! - It's me, Leela. - Sorry. Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady? Don't you wanna help 'em? Not this way. What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all.

It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car.

Sure, I know a guy. (CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

A fancy dress gala? I'll wear my formal shell.

No! Not again. Please, anything else.

Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now.

Crew on deck. How was the delivery to Tokyo? Not bad. Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago. You can't expect me to honor what Year-Ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish.

My first mission. I'm so excited. And after I dissect the Yeti's poison glands, we can stop, maybe, for ice cream on the way back? With sprinkles on? (CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid!

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus! And now for the presentation of the award. Listen, folks I'm practically giving this prize away to Dr. Wernstrom for his fish thingy.

I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Let's blow it up already.

(GIGGLING) There. See? It was no big thing. What was that big thing?

Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows? Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside.

Over here where the water gets warmer. This way. Ooh! Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city!

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch. It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate hunk-of-the-month calendar. Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day.

Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No.

Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa! No! Help!

Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister!

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.

Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here.

Maybe a digital photo, but with film, I still have the negative. Hurry, make a new print. I don't know how long I can distract Cobb's ego. Okay. I'll be in the darkroom. (YELLING)

You know, let's just say it's heads. Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes.

That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes. There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect. Is this clown on? Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire.

My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Have you tried getting her pregnant? Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure,

Welcome back. Our next guest... has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years. But apparently, my wife hasn't been listening.

Hot diggity daffodil!

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan.

You're free to go.

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband.

In a way thou shalt never discover! (ALL GASP) Hi, Animatronio. I feign death and stalk thee, that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! (EXCLAIMS)

Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal.

(CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself?

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump.

No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered.

I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time. We've received a tip that the Museum of Natural History...

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

A blank wall! Fame is mine!

(SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders.

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops.

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her.

Absolutely 99% not guilty.

Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor. Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks. Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry.

Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect?

No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

You ask a passerby for directions, only to find he has no face or something. Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding: I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals...

Anyway, I should get going.

(SNORING) (YAWNS) Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So, what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple? I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots.

Yeah, but I'm not done yet.

Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once.

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A.

Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and-- People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on?

Well, that's that. We ain't getting our money back from this Zoidberg. Hey, boss, this here casino looks like it makes a lot of money. Maybe the Mafia should get involved in the casino business. What are you, an idiot? Pretty much, yeah. Then you won't notice when I claim your idea as my own.

At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs.

(ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real. Oh, good, it works. Toodle-oo! (SLURPS)

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five. And now for the finishing touch.

(HEARTBEAT) No!

Sorry, guys. You know the rules. No fun allowed. Come on, you pansy! I'm thirsty!

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the-- I-i don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube?

Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable. You may pass.

He'll audition for a bit part on All My Circuits in disguise.

BOTH: You want us to do four things?

Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain!

This isn't a business plan. It's an escape plan. So long, suckers! Fry, as a fellow '80s dollar jockey, - I'm makin' you my new vice chairman. - Wahoo!

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

Whoa! Whoa! No!

I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift. Suit yourself, skinbag. That I will. Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good. Good.

Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks. Nope. Uh-uh. Ew! Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody? I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business,

Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you. Give me that.

Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last?

I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy. Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

Set motherhood mode.

Your granny can go to hell! I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second. If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes--

or something. It's time to shove a jalapeÑo up this ship's tailpipe. Divert power from the shields. Full speed ahead. Oh, yeah. Amy! Hello!

I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head.

- He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution. Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M.,

Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa? Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows? Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge.

I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness. But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out? Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit.

Where did they go? Good news, Leela. I landed the contract... to empty all the spittoons in Little Italy.

Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

Coilette, your death fills me with... Sorrow, anger, fear-- every emotion an actor can display. Turn off that crap-o-rama! One mistake now, and Bender will be trapped forever... between the already ill defined robot sexes.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn,

I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor.

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood. Why is that, Ma? Oh... One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me. Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman.

Hey, that's my old bank. Maybe my account's still open.

They're missing out on some hot pickle action. (AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds.

the alien eats. A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years.

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

I must bid you farewell, my special friend. What the hell's been going on around here?

It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer?

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone!

So they sent a helpless child to kill me.

We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula.

I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short, our Sith Overlords!

Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

(SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right.

Oh, Nibbler. At least I'm important to you, even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance. Did-Did you just talk? Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well.

Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this!

when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said. ANNOUNCER: Final boarding call for Flight 38 to the Amish Home World. As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns.

You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money.

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk.

Let's all go to the lobby.

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote.

Burning garbage. It worked! And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass.

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so.

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

- Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant.

So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

Our next speaker is Professor-- I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage! I know the source of the greenhouse gases. But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years.

We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like...

The toaster's not working right either.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you?

Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century. Whoa! Bender!

And now, get ready to laugh till your sides leak with our planet's foremost political satirist, Florp.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice! Sweet, juicy justice!

Impending news, everyone. We're about to learn the winner of the bet. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. (WHISPERS) I hope it's me. Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose?

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Shmeesh! He gonked off the engines. That won't stop me. Raise the solar sails! I'm going after that Mobius Dick!

Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS) Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively.

but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why?

I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy. That's so sad. I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat.

Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender!

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists,

Wait, I remember this place. They shut it down after all those people caught salmonella from the flume ride. Look.

Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma. Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

That car must have killed me. I must be in heaven. A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell! No, Mr. Smith, you're not in heaven or hell. You're on an airplane.

My God, this is an outrage.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum.

It sounds dangerous. Someone could get killed.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation.

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat. Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle. The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor.

Pretty cool, eh? It makes you think.

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom... Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so. It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell. Well, pull up a chair. Our paths first crossed when I was a researcher at Mom's Friendly Robot Company.

We accept your offer of peace. Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons. I'll test it out on that innocent bystander. Ow! Yo, you just shot yourself again! It's a trick! Get 'em! (ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

I'm announcing my candidacy for the presidency of Earth. Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle. Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

Bite my red-hot glowing ass.

On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter. You see?

Meanwhile, I have a plan. We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet. Oh, geez.

Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it!

I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss. Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper,

You know, like how I live every day. Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken.

You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting. What party do you belong to, Bender? Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit.

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you.

Please put me in. No! We're actually winning this game. You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind, or when our other pitchers sneak out early to beat the traffic! Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there! And not clown fundamentals!

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking.

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again!

Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636.

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is.

Care for another, sir? No, I wouldn't want to ruin my Oktoberfest by becoming intoxicated. What the hell is going on here? Fry, quiet. Oktoberfest is a classy celebration of how far humans have evolved. You need to be on your best behavior. No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites,

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock.

Oh, no problem.

Can I have a refund now?

You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food.

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces. God bless America.

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the-- I-i don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube?

I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. We don't sell those. All right, all right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites.

Lighten up, Leela. It's funny. Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh.

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious.

(SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right.

Whoa! Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads.

Nothing. His free will slot is empty. I'm 40% empty. (KNOCKING) Also, what the hell is a free will slot? All robots have such a slot, placed there by the Creatrix herself.

Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING)

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest!

Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts.

To my loyal butler

I'm 40% potato, but close enough. Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day,

I have one right here that can talk. Shut up.

All right, baby! Fiesta ha ha me MinD on fire me soul on fire feelin' hot, hot, hot Yeah, baby! Yeah!

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

(GRUNTS) I'm looking for the scoundrel who made this. Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts.

You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady. Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted.

I...N...G... an... Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony.

and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past! Meanwhile--

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77!

Fire 'em all. Mm-hmm. Mm. Guys! Guys! Something's happening on television again. Ohhh!

I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea...

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show. Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive.

This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck! Aw, it's true. My circuitry's 12 years out of date. I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback.

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us.

Ow! I'm hungry.

Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore.

(WHOOPING) Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids! And the more beer!

We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying... mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal-- whoever he is. Am I right?

My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs. Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender.

Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected. I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon? Because of the horrific events he's going to set in motion. (SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it.

Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh.

He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it. Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh! Help. Police. Neat. Welcome to Jurassic Tank.

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back!

False hope. I love it. Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?! The machine is working at full capacity. Mommy, why do the robots give you presents? Shove a big old melon in it! I'm talking! Ow.

One, two! one, two, three!

Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it. If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots.

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago.

She sure does. Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes.

On the contrary. You remember because...

Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

Let my people stay!

Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is--

(GRUNTING) Now, listen carefully.

Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back? No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale. Poor Amy.

I beg to differ!

Roller Derby is not a society. Well, let's put it to a vote, then.

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose.

All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

- Really? - Whaaa--- Aha! I was using that! Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech. You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool?

And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs. Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely. However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again.

That was the first little annoyance.

Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby.

Thank you very much. - Like many of you, I never knew my parents. - Give me a-- I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up. It's crooked!

It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get? Well, that depends on what one of those things is. That seems like a fact worth knowing. Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual.

Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

just one more reason we must survive this. Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty. No! Look, one eye.

but to preserve the freedom it represents! Crash landing!

That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan.

Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs.

Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

If we cannot-a make-a Earth-a pizza, our dream-a will die, just like rats we crush to make the wine.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus! They're all dead, and their bones are gone.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers.

but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday! (CHEERING) Thank God most of our fans are huge perverts.

Your uncle was Harold Zoid? This I cannot deny. Why, I've been a Harold Zoid fan since back when my hips were made of bone. As it happens, I still have some of my original 78s.

Bender, no! Fry, stay back! You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots. With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun. But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun!

Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts.

We'll have to bankrupt Mr. Fry so he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us. Mother, you are one clever old scag. And don't you forget it. How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank?

I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry!

But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips!

is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

It better be spicy. Well played. Ows.

I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white.

Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." (CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never!

I said, hit the hay! Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine!

One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow.

Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later? Not if Zoidberg eats the money.

The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin.

People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me? Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten! Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen.

Looks like you're retaining water.

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Oh, dear! Oh, yes! This just in. Three dead in foamy plunge. (LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species!

Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God!

Hey, wait a second. I've got the perfect solution. Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right? No question. So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee.

(GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS) I know! Let's outrun it!

There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it? Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented. You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen. Does it really work? Of course it works.

Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade. (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle It's on and poppin'

Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun,

Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide! Our next speaker is Professor-- I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

Ah, it is just our new Crock-Pot. Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock. We'll see about that in five hours. Halt! From whence comest thou, one-eyed maiden? Uh... Ever been to Peru? Certainly not. I'm from Peru.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you.

(GASPING) But we thought you were still in an institution! Oh, no, no. I was out within 25 years. It felt like a minute compared to grad school. Oh, Hubie, we're so happy to see you again.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances.

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there.

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion! Last one. Oh!

Oh! Uh, sorry, sir.

Hmm. Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing.

Leela back yet?

The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve! (MILD APPLAUSE) Thank you, Great Reveal-o. And now, as a solemn testicle to those left behind on Earth,

Now which costs more-- the parrot or the stink lizard? The lizards are a buck each. The parrot is $500. That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right?

You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

Ha! During your last moments in this universe, perhaps you should query our database... concerning the night of December 31, 1999. The day I got frozen? What about it? No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh!

There's hot dogs for everyone.

That was the worst delivery ever. Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither.

(BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES) Next up, the Planet Expresses ship.

Of course, that's just for starters.

We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

(HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl!

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

(EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

(ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! Unit 47!

Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife!

Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression...

Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela? And the winner is Nerdgasma! Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

What's that, Seymour? You walkin' on sunshine?

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen?

Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here.

No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me. That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists.

Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip?

Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool. Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk.

forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me, you do

People of Earth... Shh!

From now on, whenever we're eating fresh, organic space-meat, we'll know exactly where it comes from. One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds. Ah... Make it two,

Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

And the winner of the war is... Let me just cross-check my tabulation here. Factor in the corsages for the widows... Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher! Everybody but me is dying of old age!

Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Oh, man, he got away.

MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is. Curious. You are a diarchic society? Um. Maybe.

The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

She was my first love or at least the earliest one I can still remember. But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy.

Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, damn it!

with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap. Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu! Kif! jump! My hero.

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no.

(SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy.

Ohh! Now I'm all you got! I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity. ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

I call it the Franklinator.

Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me?

- It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow! Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute!

(BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared.

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on. All My Circuits is brought to you by... Robo Fresh.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

Fire! Look out!

I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings? I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man. (BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

I don't feel good.

Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney.

Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you.

We've been hired to make our 100th delivery. (ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year. This calls for a party, baby. I'm ordering 100 kegs, 100 hookers and 100 Elvis impersonators who aren't above a little hooking, should the occasion arise.

Oh, no! Please, no! Perfect.

Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it!

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem. This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable.

Let the evening begin. All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed. (BEEPS) (WHIRRING) (GASPS) Fry, this is amazing!

I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos!

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Face it. I'm a prize catch.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough...

There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh! I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive. - But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela. in every life, we have Some troubLe.

Yeah, it's probably only got a Howard johnson's. Well, it's a Type "M" planet so it should at least have roddenberries. I'm experienced at foraging. I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No.

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.

Oh, what now? Activate glass window. Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy. Yes, sir, Captain.

Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look.

(LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

So how are we supposed to eat and digest?

I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait. I'm comin' for to run you down With a train Get it? (ELECTRONIC BEEPING) (BEEPING)

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him.

You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me. No, we can't. Once on Earth, you will be too stupid to remember the message. That's why we wrote it down for you. We've also prepared a bag lunch and some mittens.

Hey, look. Coins.

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai.

You know what else I could use? A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain.

Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa!

Ow! Where are we? And why is the Slurm pouring into this sewer? This isn't Slurm at all. Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan. Look at this.

I mean, we're space aliens. It's a miracle we can even speak English. The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass. I insist you re-carve the entire statue correctly. Okay, okay. Hey, Charlie, hack off another block of ivory! (ROARING)

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads. Ready? One, two, three, pull!

Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence!

My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah!

I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy...

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids.

No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites, but at least Bender will party with me. Right, buddy? Whoa, whoa, whoa! I enjoy partying as much as the next fellow, but this is Oktoberfest. Good day, sir! Ach du freakin' Lieber!

I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

so remind me: disemboweling in your species-- Fatal or non-fatal? Fatal. Large bet on myself in round one! Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock? I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth...

No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan? Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan!

So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you. (LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry. He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates.

You see-- Magic. Got it.

It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?

Let's go, Doc, chop him up.

Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been? You nearly missed elevenses.

And the winner is...

I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. (SCREAMS IN PAIN) Don't mess with Blind Joe. Nothing get past his sense of smell.

Morgan, come back.

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Wait. This is what we're running from.

Yes, and I begged Zoidberg to put me out of my misery. Bring him, quickly. (GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong.

I've heard of that. Who said I haven't?

D-Doh! Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

Hello there. Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams. He heals with the power of laughter. Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now. Hey, here's a giggle.

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good.

Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

I'll take care of this. Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender.

As Lord Nibbler's personal chauffeur, I landed him on one of your planet's many rooftops for an important mission. While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Now sit. I said, "Sit." Bad fish! Oh. Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your death clock. And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa?

Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions.

Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck.

Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps. I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

Come on, Zoidberg. I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle.

One more hit, and we're done for! Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

Restrain the specimen. ...Some of that special sauce. Stop eating Popplers!

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead?

Oh, my God! Huh?

(GROANING) Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

Hey, where'd everybody go? Okay, let's clone us some dog. Yeah! Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin! Interesting.

And due to the embargo, the only place to get it is straight from the source. The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say?

who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and...

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family.

Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss.

Hey, Elzar, I've just recently started always having dreamt of being a sausage-making champion. Can I get in on this? Sure, I don't care. You bring your ingredients? You bet! Hold on there, chief. Regular old pork ain't gonna win this thing. You gotta get innovative with your meat.

I suffer from a very sexy learning disability.

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about--

We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work-- Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you.

It's how we met? And then what happened?

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry. Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't...

Quick! Whaa-aa-aa!

I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

Where in Legoland is LeeLa?

Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high.

I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you!

I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

How could you do this, Fry?

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart. The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever.

Hooray! They're letting us out! And hundreds of black hovercopters are coming to welcome us! (ALL SCREAMING)

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know. Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner.

Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual. Just as I feared. Attack-type J. No! No! Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton,

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous.

One, two! one, two, three!

Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No? Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely.

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned... from my mutual breakup with Sean that was totally mutual, it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me.

Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca.

Darned kids. In my day, sound didn't travel through space.

(SOBBING) Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again.

I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the--

You are free to go. Yes!

Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha--

You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby

(ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

Your granny can go to hell! I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second. If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

(BOTH SOB) Son... I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV,

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are... BENDER: Faster! Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire!

Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig. Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose.

That was a disgusting story.

I don't know what else to say, so I'll just say it. Okey-dokey, see you then. This is so unfair. I liked you back when you were a cyclops. That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

Oh, isn't she adorable? What a class act. Sold!

Here's the big Enchirito-- Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany.

BOY: Yeah! Devo!

Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A?

Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP) I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want. Like this video of you doing karate in your underpants. (EXCLAIMING)

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket.

Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting.

My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper. (ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back!

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys. That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh!

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.

Dwight, you remember the crew. Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants,

You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost. (STAMMERING) A ghost? No, just the regular kind. Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud. Adoy. Wait. Adoy?

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

Guards? Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories. But so help me, this year everyone will hate it as much as I do. Someday I want to marry a girl like her.

jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty. No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human.

I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp!

You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo. Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot. (MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

How do you do it? How do you go on knowing you lack the inherent capacity for self-determination? Son, philosophy's for thems what don't gotta work for a living. But me, I got a sick child to feed. So if you want to chat, roll up yer sleeves and do some honest labor. I don't wanna chat.

Wake up, my king.

I'm thinking of having a window installed. I think the view's perfect already. Oh, that's the corniest thing I've ever heard. Let me show you the bedroom.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip. Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow. Look. It doesn't matter who created what.

What? It's full of fat guys in sandals. I just mean, your money management skills could use some work. Like, the only reason my family even owns a casino is 'cause we've kept such a close eye on our money for generations. BENDER: You sure have! No offense, Zoidberg, but maybe you'd be better off if you stayed behind.

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface!

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us.

That's the Germ Warfare Repository. It's so close. Is there any chance of cross-contamination? No. Now, your pine trees were all chopped down to make emergency toilet paper during the Fifty-Year Squirts. Lucky the seeds have been preserved here in the vault there.

Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy. If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

No! It's unbearable! The brains are weakening. Nibblonians to Nibble stations. Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets. Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know?

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing. One year to go. Six months. I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour,

Give me that. More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight!

Pencils down, prune face. Oh, yes, here I am. Okay, now. Hello there. Now, we all know telescopes allow us to see distant objects but what if we want to smell distant objects? Well, now we can, thanks to my new invention--

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth. Foof. You're a disgrace to the very name, Farnsworth. Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool.

And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling.

Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor. But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe. Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take. Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible.

Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss? Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman...

You did it, Fry! Yep. It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows.

GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead?

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) (SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this. (CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Finally, the sacred texts were banned. The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way.

Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

Off on your first delivery, eh? You be careful, my little tinkler. Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler. Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses. Only the Sunday Edition can do's that.

Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING) My baby's in that podium! Somebody call the fire department! There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal.

Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

How 'bout I help you finish that dream you were having about me? Okay. I was just at this part-- Ohh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer.

My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.

Whoa! Oh, what the hell.

Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls?

All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

Exquisite choices, sir. And mix them all together in a big jug. Welcome to this year's academy symposium. I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.

I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all?

No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing?

Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am. Jackie Jr.'s my apprentice. I figure if he's gonna work here, he might as well get to know the team. - Who's she? - I don't know.

(PLAYING EERIE MUSIC) The veil is lifting. I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing. You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster.

When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat. Well, I guess it's time to indulge in some end-of-the-world debauchery. Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah.

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk. NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car. But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music?

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means.

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

Why's everyone wearing those rings?

(GRUNTS) Incredible! Who could have done this, the sewer mutants? No, this isn't mutant language. We use a lot more profanity. Son of a... (BLEEP)

No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan.

I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face. (ENGINE REVVING) Oh, snap! It's our rival gang! We have a rival gang? I hate them! Hit the deck! Whew! That was close, eh, Fabricio? (GASPING)

I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out.

All right, enough of this.

Also Pisces. We're all Pisces. Then it's a date. I'll see you at spawning time. No, thanks. I've already found my mate. You haven't ignored the last of me. (ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive. So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me?

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much.

Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet.

Wow! Superpowers.

Yeah! It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun.

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

I guess I thought whales died when you harpooned them. Ah! Don't worry. I'll drop the anchor.

Let's see now. Which bait to use... crickets, squid chicken necks? Excuse me. If I might be so bold, I'm willing to offer my services as a bait critic. These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless.

Okay, let's go through this once more from the-- Aah! Brains!

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin! Wait. Hang on. I lost my controller.

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry?

Run program "Kif://3." This isn't bad. My aunt had a place like this. Amy, we could live in a bus station bathroom for all I care. As long as we're together, it'll feel like a castle to me.

They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire!

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop!

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What? They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots. Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots.

Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us,

This is wonderful! It is, isn't it? Wait, those are the ads. These X-ray specs will really take the guesswork out of surgery. No more chopping blindly in the goop. Don't waste your allowance, Zoidberg. This stuff is butt-grade crap. Amuse your friends with real vomit!

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy.

Smell you later.

That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business."

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman,

The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support.

This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza. Okay, but I'm only doing this so people will take my head seriously as an actress. Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course.

There's a million aliens. I've never seen anything so mind-blowing. Ooh! A reception table with muffins! Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the ribbon-cutting ceremony of the DOOP's magnificent new headquarters a fitting home for an organization that has fostered peace throughout the universe--

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then...

As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it, such a digestive system would divide a 2-D being into separate pieces! So how are we supposed to eat and digest? Got it.

The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun!

I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

Well, I'd say we all learned a valuable lesson about TV there. What was it? That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while. Hear, hear! Yeah. You're darn right!

Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

Just drop me off at that asteroid over there. Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it! (YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper.

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

I'm the greatest!

N-O-O-O! I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning-- et cetera. I do.

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something. It's time to shove a jalapeÑo up this ship's tailpipe. Divert power from the shields. Full speed ahead.

(ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise.

She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww!

Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope.

Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow!

It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be.

I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story.

That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around.

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead.

There's more places to hide in that dark forest. On the other hand, I could run faster through that open meadow. But of course, the forest might protect my fair robot skin from sunburn. Hmm... (SOUNDS HORN)

Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh? KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky.

More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

Let's get started.

We're going to die! It's every man for himself!

who just wanna kill for fun.

You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness. Professor Ogden Wernstrom. Wernstrom.

Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip!

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President. Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. just pay the valet the two bucks.

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house.

FRY: Launch all missiles!

You're not going to believe this but they landed an amusement park on the Moon. Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.

Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

We can't outrun it forever. Over there. Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it.

Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next.

Donbot? Motion denied.

I'm in trouble.

Bunk! Bunk, I say!

It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies.

Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish... so we can impress the neighbors. Yes, sir. I'm on it! Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you. God!

There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy.

(BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

All right, grunts, here's your pre-mission pep talk. Shoot anyone who doesn't obey hard enough. But... Stop gaining knowledge, Hubert. (GRUNTING) It's a simple mission. The grunts catch the alien, the surgeon guts it, and you smuggle the poison parts back here.

Ah! And, so in honor of his record-breaking catch I'm proud to award Bender this check for $1,000.

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes.

What do you mean, "we"?

This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.

Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future.

Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm.

Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this? Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again?

I nominate that Guy! not just because he has a suit, but because he knows about business and stuff, and he has a tie.

if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm. I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What?

What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here. Look, Nibbler's caught the scent of vodka and motor oil.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

If we can stimulate that nerve, the bowel will convulse, expelling the entire worm society. But what about the worms in the other parts of his body? Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow,

Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me. Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING)

Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal.

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

(SIGHS) Then we have no choice. We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started.

Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms.

Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99. Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus. You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode. If I could make up an ending maybe we could act it out ourselves. I could make the costumes.

No, we pour the holy lubricant out from this sacred vessel into this blessed pit so they can wrestle The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special is the oil in which the nasty fem-bots wrestle We shall now begin the traditional oil wrestling.

Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

(WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING) Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood?

And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable. Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose.

Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter. Hi, Fry. I like your blazer. Thanks. These aren't pockets. They're just flaps. I put my money in my sock. So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? A movie-- A movie, ma'am.

Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the-- I-i don't understand.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(MUTTERING MOCKINGLY)

You're the best around and nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the beSt around and nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the best around nothing's goNna ever keep you down

Silt? Asbestos?

I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0.

They're on to me!

This robot will never bend.

I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English?

In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant. Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it. I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter.

Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings? No, she just makes us do work and stuff. Good, good.

and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that.

El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name? just be cool. Nobody knows we're "superpowerly" challenged. Man, this costume is so damn heavy. Hey, Captain Yesterday! Can I, like, wail on you...

I invite you to come a-knockin'. Wow! Neat! Oh! It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two.

Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death.

Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the--

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

Well, digital photographs don't lie. I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution. I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator.

What are you lookin' at?

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you.

(BELLS TINKLING) (BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING)

ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap!

You're under arrest for crimes against science. No! Could you drag me by the restroom? (CHATTERING) MAN: Go back to Roboklahoma!

I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book. I've been giving these out for 647 years.

We did it! Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us."

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please.

No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would. Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be.

Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy?

Well, buddy, how do you like your new home? See, he's happy already. That thing doesn't have emotions, Fry. Its brain is the size of a walnut. So are walnuts, and they're delicious.

(CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it. From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from. We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson.

Ah! Another successful day. Deliveries were made. Nobody got hurt. (EXCLAIMING) Yes, another successful day. Well, see you guys tomorrow!

Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away!

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more.

Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender,

Wait, does that include me? (GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps.

Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit. What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts.

What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth.

I wouldn't want to follow that guy. And now a man who needs no introduction.

(GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the...

(BOTH SCREAM) You're an alien? Do you speak English? English? You must be a terrestrial from that Earth ship they were hunting.

To the torture cave! You, my metal friend, will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans. Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.

My organs are moving into position. Ndnd, there's something I've got to tell you. What is it? Is there someone else?

Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry!

Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy.

We're going on a corporate team-building retreat. What? Oh, man! - Come on! - No! (UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express! I'm Dan McMasters, and I'll be your retreat leader for a week of fun and personal empowerment.

(GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe. But who will the robot pull next from the fiery hole of mystery?

Well, pull up a chair. Our paths first crossed when I was a researcher at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. The moment our eyes met we knew we'd be going at it like woodchucks.

What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man!

You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal!

Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell. Of course, that's just for starters.

But who could possibly bend such a huge pipe? (SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck?

Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool. Where are we ever gonna find a lawyer to take his case? I'll ask the head of the A.C.L.U., once he's done singing. Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night! Howdy there. I'm a lawyer,

He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding."

Their desire to keep living shows me no respect.

I'm going to allow them for now. Thank you. Your Honor, this meat-man does not deny that we robots are the glorious product of evolution. He claims only to have played a small role in supplying the initial machinery. I ask you, is that so crazy? Yes, it's completely crazy,

Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling? Leela's garbled words have opened my eyes.

Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

See that waitress there? Yowzah! I know what I want for dessert. That's my fiancÉe, Mildred.

to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake! Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich!

Exit polls show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing with an estimated zero votes. Yes! The system works. The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won!

I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila! The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing.

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next!

Thank God we found you. Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days. Uh, by the way, I broke your bed. You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening. But when they noticed that you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch.

But you know what might be a treat for everyone? If you let me use the telescope to find my lost friend, Bender. I-i don't know what to say. Other than, "Absolutely not." Your loss is a tragedy, but our work-- Ah! Come on! You guys have forever to look for God. All I'm asking is one measly lifetime to find my friend! He speaks out of love for his friend.

It's a boy! And look at that red hair!

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

That is so true.

Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date.

Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office. Admit it. You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. Well, aren't they? I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it. Great news, everyone.

Nice try, buddy.

So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct?

I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

Aha! That satellite was scuttled on Enceladus, Saturn's main dump moon. Let's dump it up!

climb, climb, and we're back in business. Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife. (GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal.

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it. Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent!

Yeah, baby! 210 proof. FRY: That's all the proof I need. Put the bottle back. We both know I won't do that. Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no!

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen.

What's going on? Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character? I feel like I lost weight. All of it. Remarkable! It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will.

It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate.

Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it! Great Shatner's ghost!

Hey, there she goes in the genuine. Let's get to hooting. (HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what?

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you.

I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating?

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion...

Well, let's drag him to the curb. Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend. We can't just dump him in the gutter like Grandma's ashes. Oh! My life is over. I'll never know happiness again.

Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

Whatever. Dad! Don't worry, boys. I'm sure his father is a perfectly normal reasonable man. What the hell do you want? Mr. Blob, Our sons have come to apologize... for damaging your window. They've learned their lesson, and they want to make amends. - Sorry, sir. - Yeah. Sorry.

Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family.

(DOORBELL DINGS) Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly.

Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can. (GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel.

You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind, or when our other pitchers sneak out early to beat the traffic! Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there! And not clown fundamentals!

Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn.

They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion.

this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet! And now, to raise this beautiful new flag,

Maybe we ought to do something nice for him. There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him. Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and--

The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty?

Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours.

And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew. But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience,

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo!

Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

I didn't create anything. I stole it. Stealing is a form of creativity. No, it isn't. Guys, come on out. (ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor.

Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do.

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass!

We've done the best we could These toy soldiers are poorly painted And they're made from inferior wood

He oughta be, with all the strict training I've been putting him through. Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham? Zooka barooka!

We're entering the interior of Fry's nose. We're at finger alert five.

So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey!

(CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Yeah! All right! I'm even richer! I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me!

Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory.

Aw, shucks, Colonel. Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface?

Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable...

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course.

A horrible crime in the works? Ruthless villain? Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news! Because I get to summon the New justice Team! Shh.

Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years!

Now let us each remember the best things about Bender in our own way. Professor? Your standard bending unit is made of an Iron-osmium alloy, but Bender was different. Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity.

Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor.

He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude

Yes, our lives will never be the same.

Harpoon, my ass. Okay.

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me. Well, duh. She's programmed to like you. But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software.

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later.

Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science!

(GROANS) Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said.

All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses.

It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel! Oh! Those poor, doomed bastards. I guess it's up to me to complete the mission.

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride.

My finger. I wish I remembered more survival skills from Boy Scouts. Too bad my only merit badge was in interpretive dance. Wait. I can use the universal language of dance to signal for help. (VOCALIZING MELODY) Ow! That was my second-favorite ankle.

How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What?

Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

Eureka! The hat goes on the head.

Yes, but not by enough.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past. I'm rich. I can live whenever I want.

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for.

And this fork inside my lung. That's a doozy. Hey, look at this. I can pull my thumb off. Stop, Shabba-doo, you're freaking me out. Don't let him get your nose. (ALL LAUGHING) Oh, Lord.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

- How Tonk look? - Tonk look good. Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat.

No, you say it. (CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (AGREEING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Okay, buddy up and look out for Omicronians.

Hang on. If we're delivering a package to criminals, I want to know what's in it. I have no idea, Leela. But I'll tell you the same thing they told me, "Stop asking questions, old man, "and we'll slip you an extra five grand "that your crew doesn't need to know about."

What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en?

Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir. Roger that. Kiff, get me ten cases of Pert 'n' Popular. What shall I do with your jergens, sir? Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows. Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service. That young man fills me with hope...

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

those pennies are mine. Don't you get it? I'm crazy! (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Go ahead! I don't care what happens anymore. Do it. Bash my head in. (COUGHS) Wha... What is that? Mustard gas?

No. I-- Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

They buried your brother in the "World Heroes" section? I'm impressed. I should be the one in that grave!

Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling. Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening? (WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

May I help you with some assistance?

(LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh!

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it...

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING)

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys.

Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.

I've got the heart of a human. What?

We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...!

Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it! What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something? No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable!

Give several reasons why.

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we? No. So get to work on these dishes. Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see. Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid.

It's so big and empty.

Oh. Ah! My heart! Ho.

Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance. Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

We want someone born here! Eh, I'm still working on that one. (GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh!

So, please, for me, cram it? No! The world has to know that... AMY: Fry? Are you down here? He's all right! Praise Gilgamesh! So you started the fire?

At least we'll die on our backs, helpless. Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

Some cops can read minds. Did you do it or not? I'm not a mind reader. Some cops can see the past.

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool.

I'm going to go lie down.

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart.

Go consummate yourself.

Actually, we've decided to go in a different direction. What if I told you we wouldn't be fighting in the conventional sense? Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood.

that should take the tar right off.

Fry, don't die! Wake up!

Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

No! Can I shred these contracts? No!

Well, your motives were good. And we were both loopy from dehydration. Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix,

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film. My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

Bot wash, yeah Oh... Oh!

Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs!

- Neat. - Quite frankly, Robot 1-X... will put all my previous models to shame. Incidentally, would one of my previous models mind coming up here? Right here! I'm comin'! Come on, baby! I'm yours! Come on, Mom! jerk! Here we go. I'm your top of the line, Mom.

That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please.

You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children. Welcome, everyone. What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy,

Thanks to your husband's humanity, I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn. Mom, why have I never heard this?

If we live a really long time. Let's get started. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING) (CHIMES TINKLE) Come in, come in.

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it?

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true.

(ALL BOOING) For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff.

Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad. (SIGHS)

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

(CACKLING) (GASPS)

Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions.

I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it.

An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rat's nest... called television once and for all. Let me see the script. No. No, I don't like the font. Wait! Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid?

Repeat, what I just said, immediately! Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS) To the employment cave!

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping. This is it.

I must bid you farewell, my special friend. What the hell's been going on around here?

Just... Ugh! Okay, you know what? Just hire him. Done. (GASPS) It's humbling to be back on my old soundstage as a bit player.

though gods they were... and also, Jane Fonda was there. The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta!

Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society!

There he is at the buffet.

"I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels." (ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. "You've been warned, people." He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth tendrils moving. "So, Mr. Conrad, did you enjoy the show?" Alas, no.

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder!

until both males are exhausted or dead.

Maybe that planet over there has a drive-thru. A Burger jerk or a Fishy joe's or a Chiseler or something.

for a robot! (SOBBING) How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo!

MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

What am I going to do? We've got to get the emperor out of your body before they kill you. Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness. But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones.

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

You were admitted to this robot asylum.

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one!

If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part?

What the-- Malachi, what manner of deal is this, with the chanting? They saw you save my son. Now, everyone is praying for their own miracles. Very well. What do they want? The people of that village pray for wealth.

Land, schmand. We don't want to live on this planet. It's a dump.

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt. All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell! No!

This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot.

As unclean as it makes me feel, I agree with Bender. Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Our dads are all pumped up on dork-osterone.

Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick.

Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left.

Nope. Watching cartoons. Sorry.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy?

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium,

Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station. (TOILET FLUSHING)

Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary! Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff. Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender!

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind.

Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over!

Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me. What's wrong, Mommy?

though gods they were... and also, Jane Fonda was there. The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta!

No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one. I need a rain check on that 'nad swap, Professor. I'm going on TV. Come on, Fry. Help me pick out a pantsuit. So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits?

There, little friend. Good as new. What an exquisite day!

you're too damn bright!

Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it! No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy!

Let's recap what's happened so far.

Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia. This is the capitol, Cyclops City. Stop me if I'm going too fast for you. So much information, and yet, somehow I feel as if I know it all already. This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back?

Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?!

The Earth is born! Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land.

Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money. 50, going once, twice-- $75,000.

And keep your stupid chicken hat, too!

I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Where's my Hot in Cleveland? All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out!

If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo.

This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted. (SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here.

But you are lazy, right?

And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated, order is restored for another year. Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)

This place never changes. Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants! It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing.

Are you my new hot water heater? No. I'm Bender. We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy.

What? Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by...

Hmm. Serious drama.

Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have. Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait. Recently? Like since you ate that toilet sandwich?

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry.

A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

(CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich.

Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go.

Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you threw an octopus at my window. You know, Zoidberg, it's crazy, but when you talk this way your obvious deficiencies as a male seem... less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental.

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Now go. Go. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

Abandon ship! No! Don't give up now. We're but a stone's throw from the pyloric sphincter.

It's a video will. It shows you killing him. All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name.

Please stop sinning while I'm singing

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need. Stuff the ship.

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Aw, yeah! Survival of the fattest! The dominant male, or "beachmaster," maintains a harem of up to 50 females. Okay, harem, let's get to it. Form an orderly heap on top of me. I like mating with Beachmaster 'cause he's the largest.

This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you. That robot was a heck of a nice feller.

Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day, another day of pathetic, forgotten misery. And the winner is--

I'm sorry, Zoidberg. I can't see you anymore.

Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips!

Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack!

Duh! I have to draw in pencil, 'cause I don't know how to use rendering software.

Prosecutor, your opening statement? Yeah, honey, I'll be home for dinner. The prosecution rests, Your Honor. Very well. We will reconvene when the jury reaches a verdict.

Please don't do that. Hey! Betsy! This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters. Yes, everybody love Betsy. We going to eat her at Amy's wedding--

I may not be clever, but I have a good heart.

Tubes? You're older than you said you were.

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time...

There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar!

You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so.

That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

(BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing? What I was trained to do. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

(FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas.

Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something. I'm going to do it!

Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? And clean the black parts too. Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister. I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister.

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

No, we're fine. Don't worry about it. Keep it up, sistren. Only a few more miles to the cave. Let's just buckle down and... Look! A clearance sale! What? Where? (CLAMORING)

I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg? I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies?

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot.

Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades.

I can't shoot you. Bender, I found your trigger finger. Now I can.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

One unit of free, limitless solar power, please.

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium? Oh, livin' in a box, fightin' the shakes. You?

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

This year, I'm going to get involved in the political process and make my voice heard.

Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink. You got it.

No. Now your character's in a coma. Get in bed and don't move. And... action! Stupid dumb coma. Coulda been British. Alas, that mine only son... should sink into an irreversible, permanent... coma.

Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not!

Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science.

You young Turks think you know everything. I was inventing things when you were barely turning senile.

I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt!

Your loss is a tragedy, but our work-- Ah! Come on! You guys have forever to look for God.

Yo, you're not alone.

Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment-- a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar.

I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here.

I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out. That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000.

Hmm. Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man!

The kind I like tO meet pretty woman I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you mercy

(CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit. (COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it?

I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth.

Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint!

He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this. Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell.

Ah, here's my stateroom. Whoa, where is it? Come on.

Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people. $30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless--

(ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender. Uh-oh. What's going on here?

She'll never know we're her parents. That's our gift to her. Better we should die than have her learn the shameful truth of her origin. I'm with ya. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have--

But I like being old! I don't have to talk to my parents. No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms.

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies.

Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

Come on, Dad. Shuffle faster! You don't wanna miss the unveiling of our new company, do you? Company? How cute! What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance? Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital.

Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep.

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions.

Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

She'll be coming around the mountain

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat,

On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah. This is definitely going in the song.

You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor. (GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant.

Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all. Amy? Stop it!

but up here, I'm above the law. (GUFFAWS) Nice pun, Mother. It's not a pun. It's a play on words! Come on, I'll show you the lab. This is Colossus, the beanstalk project.

Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

(LAUGHS) Hey, boss, ain't that the type of mansion you like?

Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye.

(ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap! Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often. It's all right, dearest. I know it was just the Nectar talking. And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor. Excuse me, Your Majesty I am Murg, the high priest. If I might interject? You might.

Ow! I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry.

To the ship! It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son. Who are you again? It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around. Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer!

That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions. That's a full-time job. And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies! I don't even remember shooting this scene. We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room.

Wingus, Dingus, listen up.

How do I... you know, with the tail, and all?

Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime. Ta-da!

Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now.

I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives?

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow!

How... How did it go? Just perfect. This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but...

(SNARLING) (MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE)

But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music.

Let's go already

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us! It's humans.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction.

Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together.

Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Ah, it's good to be back in one piece again... except I can't get these damn bumper stickers off. The sheer drama of this election has driven voter turnout to its highest level in centuries-- six percent.

You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

This is awesome! I've been waiting a thousand years to see a Beastie Boys show. Can I get anybody a beer? Sure. Ah...

You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

I'm too short to reach the hand brake!

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Mate in 143 moves.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it!

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

Don't do it! It's not worth it!

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor.

You can't! You're stuck in an infinite loop. An infinite loop? I don't have time for that!

They used to be such peaceful birds. I suppose this was your doing. Yep, it's like I taught 'em. If it ain't black and white, peck, scratch and bite. Now, to take off my tuxedo.

Here, you drive.

perhaps some sort of death clock.

Daisy, daisy Give me your answer, do I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

(TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout. It's great to see so many happy smiles, most of them on Mouth Mutant. (ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years, my beautiful wife Munda has been by my side,

I hate to pop your blimp-like ego, but you are not perfect.

Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna.

(STATIC CRACKLING)

He consented! You all heard it!

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com.

A cigar! Ripping. Look. I'm Bender!

No. 600. Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private?

You're stupid. I said I want the best one. Now which costs more-- the parrot or the stink lizard? The lizards are a buck each. The parrot is $500. That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender.

It's time to let go. Ow!

So this thing's going to destroy the whole city? What the heck is it?

But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers." When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes. Meow. Wonderful, Hubie.

Wernstrom! The very same. Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan?

Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys.

Is that better?

Oh, we'll kill them, all right.

You were so awful that women everywhere set out to prove they don't stink as bad as you. You know, like a pig or somethin'. Oh, that's so kind of you.

They'll need transportation to the surface. Bring in the airship. Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

So I gave the cookies you made to Fawn and the kids, and they couldn't believe it! They were delicious! But I digress. Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all. Could one of you guys get that?

Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing. It's so big and empty.

So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend. But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch! Ohh!

Thathu! Ni! One! What th--

So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost?

This man has over-gasped.

Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign? No! No! Greetings, Bender.

It's tungsten, and plenty of it.

Looks like we've got a new office cutup. Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile.

We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot.

I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela.

(GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH) Yo, what you doing on our turf? Chill, dawg. Ain't no thang. We Cruds.

(CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder!

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper. You can get off me anytime. Oh, no! My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved...

Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink. I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now.

Want to go around again? I do.

Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that.

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment, which this year supports the United Mutant Scholarship Fund.

You're pure lowest common denominator. Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back.

Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit

The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me!

It was a year of soaring profits... and significant one-time losses.

And the winner is... Miss Vega Four. There it is Miss Universe

Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen.

That guy who used to bend things. You know.

A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you.

Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you. Damn, it's too small.

Leela told her parents. Leela's parents blabbed. Leela, is the person that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy? Yes. My parents were so hurt. I couldn't help it! But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

I met a fabulous girl and we're engaged to be hitched. That's great, Caboose. Come on in and set a spell. No time. I got someplace to be. See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling.

Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom?

What? My mother was a saint!

We should print up T-shirts.

Your intruder, Mother. (EXCLAIMS) That is one skugly critter. (GRUNTS) I'm not an animal, I'm a mutant being, and I demand to know where I am. There. LEELA: Momsanto?

This is crazy, Bender. How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it. Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark. Yeah, right, what's he going to do, break my legs?

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES)

I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you.

How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

You know, Umbriel, these last 24 hours have been the happiest days of my life. Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me. Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table.

I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8. "Esteemed potentates of omicron Persei 8, "please accept these 20 billion candy hearts... as proof that Earth loves you," this much! Blecch!

So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff.

Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby.

Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

expelling, among other things, the parasites. I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear. No! Fry can't know anything about the mission. If he finds out, the worms will try to defend themselves. They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup?

Looks like you're about to lose to a minivan. Unless you have any surprise moves you've forgotten about. No, no. Wait! (READING) (BRAKE SCREECHES) (CRACKLING) (FARNSWORTH EXCLAIMING) (ALL GASP)

I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story. Now, what seems to be the trouble? My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge.

Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes.

Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff?

Call Robo-Rooter when you flush a towel And we can also help with an impacted bowel Robo-Rooter.

Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story.

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still.

We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

Fourth dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. Halt! (ALL EXCLAIM) Who said that?

So, you're a robot? (SIGHS)

Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly.

Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons...

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along?

Fry, don't die! Wake up!

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord.

Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file,

Ooh. Did someone say limbo?

I'll be with him all the time. In space. What? But... I've never been so happy! Hang on, Mom. I have another call. (SOBBING) (SOBS) Thank you for coming.

I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly.

Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No!

I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution.

I've blanketed these woods with devious traps to ward off poachers and protesters. Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence. Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

Thorias from downtown. Yes! He's really showing us what a man with a cannon in his chest can do. No showboating, you atomic hot dog!

This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks.

Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend.

That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

So the picture robbed them of their souls? Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen. It's scientific.

(POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed!

I had no idea the company would be sold! I was just an innocent suck-up! You've got to believe me! just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers. Yeah! It's so sad.

These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express.

Farewell, my friend. Oh!

Screwed again, my friend.

Well, once in the park. Mmm... As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called.

It's nature. No, it isn't.

It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

Hmm... (SOUNDS HORN) Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that...

With that odious robot barred from the grounds, the weekly hunt is hereby called once more to order. Let the hunt begin. (ALL CLAMORING) You, sir, have been outfoxed. I spent all night on that.

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there.

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back. Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I--

You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops.

Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job.

To the end of the universe!

Okay, they got everything you need here. Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here.

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

On what grounds do you challenge my authority? Well, I'm older than you. I can beat you up. Yeah, I bet he could.

Do I ask her to mate now? Third date.

My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife? If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines.

Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining?

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

It's not like you at all. Nonsense. It's exactly like me. Flexo, the fun-lovin' love machine fembots love to love. Hey, barkeep, I'll have a fuzzy navel, and she'll have the girliest drink in the house. Two fuzzy navels comin' up. I hope they can make change for a fortune.

Aah! Oh! Bender, no!

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life. With Halley's Comet out of ice,

I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help!

(BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money. 50, going once, twice--

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window

You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender! Romance isn't about money. Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg.

But we will go on until we find the Almighty. Even if it takes to the end of time. And then what? Then, we utter unto him a short prayer. You see, the telescope is also an amplifying transmitter. Sorta like a giant karaoke machine? Not really. Would you like to see our giant karaoke machine?

So they do whatever you want? No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories. But so help me, this year everyone will hate it as much as I do. Someday I want to marry a girl like her.

Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence. Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery!

I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed. (WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus. Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye. Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives.

The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. And action! Take back your gilded pen, Father.

Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now.

targets that will tremble in fear...

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

(GASPS) Fry? What are you doing? You were right. I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to...

Up yours, chump.

You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH) I think it means, "The sun will erupt, "all shall perish," blah-blah-blah. Get to the point! What does it say about me, Bender? (GASPS) Nothing! But it does say a great cataclysm will destroy the world in the year 3012! The world? That's where I live!

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody.

Hey, rich lobster Blow your wad of cash on me Zoidberg, what are you doing here? And what's with all the money?

I get so lonely.

I'm just too busy. Edna.

let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING) The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry!

Don't mind us! Aah!

Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo! Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality. What's that? A tattoo removal laser? (LAUGHS) Hermes, you and your preposterous sci fi nonsense.

The Femmzoil must be sashaying girlishly into your processor! Then change me back! My breasts are keeping me awake at night anyway. Hello? What? A guest spot on Late Night With Humorbot 5.0? I'd love to! My own limo?

like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher,

(CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy. Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why.

And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems...

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable!

Malachi? it's high time I laid down a few commandments. You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one-- Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

Single female lawyer Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good.

Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy? No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go.

Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

into a beautiful, eternal quantum singularity. You don't need to kill us, Planet Express Ship. Because... I love you. Aw, yeah, baby. Feel like doin' stuff for you and stuff. Hmm! I don't believe you. If you really wanted to be with me, you'd merge your programming with mine.

Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is.

FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah.

(BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up. Leela, where are we? We crashed on an uncharted planet. When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can. (GRUNTING)

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet,

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

I was street racing back when ships still ran on moon water! Damn, yo, get a load of speed geezer! (ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on!

Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this?

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No!

(ALL SHUDDERING)

And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what? This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

I can't hold on! I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho!

That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

You disgust me. Go on. At that point, our skin becomes a semipermeable membrane... which allows the passage of genetic material. I held Amy's hand, and voilÀ. Well, okay, but that better be all there is.

You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home! (BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir! As a professor of science, I assure you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men!

I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you.

The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy. With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room. Shall we adjourn to the dungeon?

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

This time we get most decorated lawman in the whole universe. You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back. Very well. I'll clean up Kif's mess.

That's so interesting.

Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms.

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress.

"Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work."

It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first.

Let the games begin!

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

That's it. I've had it with women.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Hey, hey, hey! I got me a souvenir. Aw, here you go, kid.

We want to salvage a cargo ship that sank carrying this robot's rear end.

I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then. - Bam! - It's okay, my man.

Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping.

The rich get richer.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me!

Now, we have a full schedule of events.

Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997. Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20.

I choose to not understand these signs. Aha! Bender! I was just not playing the holophonor. Yeah? Well, you should try not stinkin' at it.

He didn't ruin my life on purpose. Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade. (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night It's time to be wild Freestyle

You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion.

but I was too damn proud of myself. So I kept it around, never letting it out of my sight. Where is it, damn it? Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans! Whoa, whoa, whoa. A toy Bender had free will, and the real Bender didn't?

There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better.

Those cats can really fly.

Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you?

(FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens.

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler.

Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor.

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer.

Fry, you noble idiot.

(FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens.

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal.

That's what makes it so juicy.

There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh. Continuing my confession, this is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Now I'll never get to bend anything! Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother. Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage. Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for!

Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human!

Oh. Poor Bender.

Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here.

Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage.

I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked. Of course.

(ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy. It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant. Ah! You're right! And I, as a renowned ear, nose, and blowhole doctor, could do the operation!

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Could you repeat that last part? This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment.

Leela, we need to talk. You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News. Fear not the space behemoth. In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all. Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers!

Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot!

Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking,

KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there. Oh! Aah! Ohh!

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady.

How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

(FRY READING) (MIMICKING GUN FIRING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (LAUGHING) I am conquering Erth! Not so fast, Invader X! Here comes Delivery-Boy Man!

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool.

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

Farewell from the world of tomorrow! They say a spoonful of space honey...

Mom! Dad! Oh, I'm so sorry I got you kidnapped... by a crazy madman who tried to feed you to piranhas. We're just happy to be involved in your life.

Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor.

Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes-- theft of money.

(HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam!

I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady.

Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk.

or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball... inhabited by psychotic apes. Thanks to the effect of the brain rays, the people of Earth had no memory of what had transpired, except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say.

Phil, you're hype!

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there. Incredible!

Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender! Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off!

Your pride will mask the pain Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain

Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions. Six if you want to get technical. Oh, I do. It all began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened--

Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan. Submerge the prisoners! Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards.

Behold once more the mighty Clone-O-Mat, requiring such vast amounts of electricity... that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself! I speak, of course, of molten lava...

I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on. I might dress up in a face if you ever took me anywhere nice!

We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where? And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen.

Attack Earth! Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it!

Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt. If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business.

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog... using the very same apparatus I used to clone you.

How 'bout in the porno theater?

Daddy done good, huh?

I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys.

Come on, I'll show you the lab. This is Colossus, the beanstalk project. Ordinary beans are a magical fruit, but they're tiny and pathetic. So we spliced elephant DNA into their chromosomes for added heft. (TRUMPETS)

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology.

Bucket of hot dogs.

Why did you do all that stuff?

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company. Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something.

He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little.

Oh, there's gotta be a better way. Bender, you're a genius.

Versus The Chain Smoker.

I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers i Will wait For you

Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038. Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil.

which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.

Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma. Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

A week would be a little much.

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow!

why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet. Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING)

Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those?

Wow. Until now, I thought giant cubes were exciting.

I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine, but you never seem to get them. Bender! It's not my fault if you don't check me. Messages erased.

Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit. I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him.

What does it do?

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right...

Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right.

(PEOPLE CHEERING) KATZ: Good show. And though the world is now spinning in the wrong direction, it's good enough. Well done, Amy. I'm honored to begrudgingly present you with your Ph.D. in applied physics.

I know, right? (CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live. Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it! Great Shatner's ghost! We demand that all TVs be equipped with a B-Chip... that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen!

We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell. This is Bolt Rollins. Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit.

just please believe me that it was a very good reason. I'm sorry I disappointed you. Leela, you could never disappoint us. We're so proud of everything that you are, and we always will be... because you're our baby girl.

Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What?

Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

She sounds sweet.

One, two. One, two, three!

Can I please just go back to prison? You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather. What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go.

Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes.

Nice ear! Ha, ha, ha! Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt?

Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me? We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet.

I know how it feels to be alone. Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it.

That's pretty much it.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there...

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon!

I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story. Now, what seems to be the trouble? My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge.

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

The obvious destination is Mars. It's close, with lots of open space and no Woodward or Bernstein. That's a plus. But we can only save 30,000 people. How do we choose who goes? Well, let's see now. We'll need leaders, (LAUGHS) scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots,

My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out!

FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD) Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket! Oh, Leela!

Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench--

Oh, man, he got away.

I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers."

For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell... but lead a rich inner life.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck!

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry.

It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever. Oh-ho!

Me want snu-snu! Kif! jump! My hero. Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand.

I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

(MUFFLED SCREAM)

Holy Spitz! He's sporting skintight Speedos!

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship?

$3 at the drugstore.

The beast approacheth! To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions.

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING)

Hear, hear. Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan

You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me. You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was.

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor.

We have to talk about our arrangement.

Ow! (GRUNTING) That was not worth $3,000. (GASPS)

The Amazonians will be divided into three groups. The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male,

Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat--

Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share.

Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

See you guys Monday!

Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else! Or else what? Or else that. Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world!

Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one.

coffee, coffee, coffee--

I've booked us all on the maiden voyage of the largest, most luxurious space cruise ship ever built. The Titanic. Looks nice.

Next up, in what is generously called "the talent competition" performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the--

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (BEEPING) Interesting. I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999.

The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle.

"Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg." Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it? Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will,

Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station. (TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out.

There's no such thing as mutants.

What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food! Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you?

(GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg!

Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz.

I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you. Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?

That azure sky. The verdant treetops. Those delightful birds with their chirp, chirp, chirp and their tweet, tweet, splat. Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you? Hmm. I'm not quite sure.

Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?

That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper. The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not. Go ahead. I won't stop you. Threaten all you--

Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.

We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth. (ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first.

Wise choice, son. You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs? He's right. You should go. We'll still be here tomorrow. Yeah, but what if I'm not? I mean, what if I never see you again, Mom?

When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever. The correct answer is to be a superhero. We have superpowers, and we're Americans. This is our chance.

Catering. Oh-- Ohh.

And let it ride!

Look, if you could act like that, without all the pausing and pretentiousness, you could be great.

And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy. No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure. Which means we can clone it! Seymour will live again! A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back!

- Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS) All right, how we feeling? Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer.

(CREW SCREAMING)

(BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING) Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick.

This is gonna be great.

Silence, you cur! Puff out that brisket. I should be weeping! I'm not weeping!

She's A lady oh, whoa, whoa she's A lady Whoo! And the lady is mine she's A lady

Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food. Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out. They're not filthy. They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor.

Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up.

Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

Big Bertha is the circus's grande dame. She shoots robots through the air. (BELCHES) Excuse me. Too much goulash. I've always wanted to be shot out of something. How about a quick blast after lunch? Alas, a fine big one like you would shatter my barrel.

Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting?

It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer.

- How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times.

It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows.

No. No! N-O-O-O! I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning--

Bender, quick! Waggle something! Uh--

No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something.

The loot! The loot! The loot is on fire!

Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go. Behold! The Internet!

(RUMBLING) The beast approacheth!

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

Great jah's dreadlocks! There's been a mix-up. This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license! And it's mandatory!

Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me!

Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn. Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right?

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting!

You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

(GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down.

Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

This is Bolt Rollins. Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

Who's intimidating who now, big city?

resting as it does on the contention that my client made a series of bad decisions. However, my client made no such decisions! But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot,"

Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest.

Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good. I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold.

(SOBS) Dad, are you crying? No! I said with the mouth you're looking at.

Do you have a marmoset costume? No. Just these marmoset pajamas. They'll have to do. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Now, you put 'em on and have fun!

I can't do it. Leela, you've got to train me to win. No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping. You loved him as Bender the Offender.

Whoa. A real-live robot.

Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from.

Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it.

Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

(CLUCKING) This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm!

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature.

And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra.

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

I have no idea. You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?

Goodbye! It was fun maturing with you, but at this point in my life cycle, I need a mate who's within squirting distance. I'll never forget you, fish. Come on, loxy lady, it's time for us to get naughty by nature! No! (ALL FISH CLAMORING)

(BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS) (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg.

And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside. Pretty good story, hey, Hermes? Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle!

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship.

Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends.

It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well?

of any dish to blossom forth.

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Isn't there anything else you can tell me? Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time. That's impossible, because my time is worthless. Oh. Well, then there is one thing.

We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

Stand back! I'm a toolbot.

Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant.

(GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man. Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know.

You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night But they best be made of beeswax or you all might as well be white They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys. That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh! Then the answer is no. Once a robot comes here, he's mine for all eternity.

Oh, no. - How Tonk look? - Tonk look good. Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat.

You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk. It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

(SIREN BLARING)

Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back.

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage! (WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge?

Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me. Quit it.

You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

No! No! No! No!

Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

Ten minutes ago? Oh! (BEEPING) (ALARM SOUNDING) Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here?

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too.

That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips.

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

(GASPING) I'm coming, darling! I shouldn't, but who's counting? Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday! That is what you said when you found those Boy Scouts!

(CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile... Who were you talking to?

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot.

Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg.

And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not.

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly.

Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them.

We come in peace. Tough luck! Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship.

Time for the drum solo. Run! Stop them! They cheated!

Let's reactivate him. Wake up!

Okay, Leela, you'll be starring as jennie, who-- Uh-uh. Forget it. A: I'm camera shy, and B: I get tongue-tied in front of an audience armed with death rays. Plus, you don't really have the thighs for a miniskirt. Give me the script.

Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

During your entire life, for example. You won't pass for human, cutie. But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop,

Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

Announcing Lord Loquat. I wonder what shade of purple he'll be.

What are we going to do, search building to building? FARNSWORTH: We'll start with that one. Alexander Hamilton of New York,

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns.

Hello. I remembered you liked superheroes, so I painted you a mural on your wall. This is Father-Man. He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working? This is sucky!

Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one.

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender,

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is.

Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

Meanwhile, in Universe "A," Hermes "A" heads towards the sun... "A." Item one: Box. Check. Item two: Sun. Oh, that's a big check. Ooh!

I don't know how to say this, Fry. But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever. He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

(CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst, not breakups and boring thing!

You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising. Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you!

I don't even want to... why is... What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Hey, Scratchmo! How about droppin' me and the lady some rump-rattlin' beats? I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash, my rage would've subsided. Sadly, that has not happened.

Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills!

Product inspectors are bureaucrats,

Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle. Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor.

Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips!

Oh, go on! W-Wait a second. If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my! And sure enough-- Like Granny said,

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler!

Hey, give me that. No. Give it to me, you faker. No, you're not getting it. Ow! My underbite! Come on, Yancy, your brother's sick. You'll never have a better chance to take him out. Dad!

You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs? He's right. You should go. We'll still be here tomorrow. Yeah, but what if I'm not? I mean, what if I never see you again, Mom? There's a lot of stuff I want to tell you. Well, like what?

You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But...

Fire indeed hot! Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

Okay. What do you got?

(IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry!

Happy New Year!

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page. Looks like society's runnin' pretty well without my meddling-- D-Doh!

Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss,

Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy. It's okay. I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say.

Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years!

Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed.

Ahh, the stomach-- scenic gateway to the bowel. Abandon ship!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) As the curtain rises on our verisimilitudinous tableau, you're no doubt curious as to why I tricked you all into hang gliding here.

That's why you're perfect for drama. Hmm. Serious drama. Perhaps it is time to give up comedy. I'm putting together a big drama picture right now as we speak. The script is dynamite. I know, because I wrote it myself.

Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? Not if you stand on their air hose much longer. Noted. (BENDER YELLING) My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets.

Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

Oh, no! What have I done? You poor little guy.

Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on! Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow, and I've barely had time to prepare. Nonsense. You've been my grad student for 12 years. You were ready six years ago. What? I probably should have told you. Anyway, the important thing is to be relaxed tomorrow. Are you sure? Yes.

he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

Change places! The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding...

Yes, I do. Then I will now baptize you. Press any key to continue.

How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature? That's right. Fry, meet flame-o.

It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah. Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day!

(ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands.

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend? Me? Me? Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING)

I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy! Hey, wait! You can't leave... What?

You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then.

He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!"

Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music.

I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. - However, I will watch out of curiosity. - Quiet!

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet!

Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow! Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball!

your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate. Eww!

Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood.

Hey, brainey! Think fast!

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh?

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on. Today is the day we fight back!

Please, lady! I want to live. Can I use bat to protect head? Ow! Apparently not. Heh heh! Check out the one-eyed bean machine! Hooray! I make-a score point! Leela, you beaned a run in. You better let me pitch.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man. Ah, that must be my old boss.

Ta-da! It's a glow-in-the-dark nose... you can wear over your regular non-glowing nose. Observe. Whoa! "Clool"! Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark. Where'd it go?

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children. I'll be ready then.

clamp number one! Sorry, toots. No, Clamps. No clamps. Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do. Then with the clamps, Francis.

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew?

Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me you got the power to turn on the light

It's nice, but there's still something I don't like about that guy. My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins. (SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it?

Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs

My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins.

And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice. It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room. Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages. (FIRING) (SCREAMS)

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you. Oh, but I guess we're just two different people.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still less unfitter than you. Says who? Says this document you gave me when you tried to abandon Ben first! (GRUNTS) It's genuine. (ALL GASPING) That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that!

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little.

Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here.

(GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it. Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping.

Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me. You invented the free will unit, then you selfishly hid it beyond the reach of my stealers. (STAMMERING) Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those!

Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right!

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week."

That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids.

Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow! Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

And it begins with me. Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach! (ALL GASP) Aw... (LAUGHS) Hang on...

I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo!

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them.

(BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES) Next up, the Planet Expresses ship.

Come on in, roomie.

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea!

(SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this.

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

(DOOR BELL CHIMES) My God! It's full of geezers.

Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE)

Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one.

Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered, but you don't need a statue for that. I don't? No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me?

Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Like what? Ooh!

Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself,

and I didn't turn out like you wanted either. You folks still doing all right? Oh, yes, Elzar. Good. 'Cause it turns out I forgot to cook that chicken.

His name is me! A defective robot, you say? Stay right there, dearie. I'll have tech support take care of you. Well, things are starting to look up. Look up!

Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud... of the mud planet Decapod 10! Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot?

Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger.

Why? Says who? Because. And says me. It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh!

And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle... Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls. Oh, man, there's always a catch!

Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour!

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender.

I'm only anal 78.36% of the time. I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body. Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth.

That is stupid! I can't believe you're laughing... at the tragic exploitation of a proud, bead-loving people. Lighten up, Leela. It's funny. Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh. Amy, no! Not on your parents' planet!

(TOILET FLUSHING)

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams.

Quiet, robots! They're showing Calculon's star on the Walk of Fame! Ah, yes. I'll always have that. Calculon was truly the has-been's has-been. And so I am proud to tear up his star and replace it with a second star for the fabulous Robert Wagner. (CROWD CHEERING) Thank you. Thank you.

Hey, stop that. Senator Travers? That's no way to win an election. (SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message. I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog. People will wait for something good. No, don't quit.

That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait.

but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason.

I don't care what it is. I just like climbing.

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be. Maybe so, but perhaps if I wrote him and asked for a few hundred pointers-- This letter has to be very personal,

Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair.

But they best be made of beeswax or you all might as well be white They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white Well, we got no beeswax candles, but these scented regular wax candles will do just fine. Girl, those stink sticks are for single women who take baths.

We're about to learn the winner of the bet. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. (WHISPERS) I hope it's me. Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie? I can't. I have to keep an eye on Mom to make sure she and Zapp don't... (MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw! You know what? I'm going to give it a shot.

Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women! Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger.

Wait. What's wrong? The Democratic Order of Planets prohibits interfering with undeveloped worlds. It's a little rule known as "Brannigan's Law." But people already interfered. That planet was mined completely hollow. Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew.

That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

MALE VOICE: The cow says... (MOOING) He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since.

Publishing indecent magazines You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell.

Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

Five hundred dollars, you say? Dog food, you say? Man, that dog's gonna be hard to beat. Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep.

Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery. You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery!

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda. Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...!

I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great.

How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"? Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063,

Ow! Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden.

Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back.

You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium? The foxhunting uniform? You, sir, must be a robot of noble bearings. Well, I am descended from Prince Albert's can. I think we've seen enough. (ELASTIC CREAKING) Too much, actually. Come on, let's try somewhere else.

Custard time? Hooray! - (LAUGHING) - (BARKING) Please, I am certain I will succeed with my delicate manner. (GROANING) Oops.

banana, banana, banana.

Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose.

I can't believe this. Bender's supposed to murder his closest friend which I thought was me, but he went straight for you. He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot.

Uh-oh. Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer. Ew, gross! Cut it out! Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack!

(SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

Thanks, Adlai. I guess you never really outgrow being an eyeball-- Oddball. Nonsense, you're a space captain. That's a fine, conventional profession. Well, you know. It's just for a package delivery service. Ah-ah! A package is just a box until it's delivered. Huh! I'd never thought of it that way.

(WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel.

Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine. Let's get to hooting.

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me.

Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth. Where you been all afternoon? At a-a-- a concert. Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow!

Shh! What was that sound?

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

Ride the walrus. Ladies and gentlemen the Omicronians! Greetings, Earth morsels. You suck! Get a job! I'll miss you, Leela.

(MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone!

Your standard bending unit is made of an Iron-osmium alloy, but Bender was different. Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity. It's what made me me. If you ever needed a small package brought into the country... without a lot of x-rayin' and such,

Ah, um, um! Gross!

the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out.

which allows the passage of genetic material. I held Amy's hand, and voilÀ. Well, okay, but that better be all there is. Oh, Amy, you'll be a mother!

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin!

You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America. Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair!

(DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING) What is it, Dr. Tenderman? Is it serious? I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you!

Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man? No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are.

Earth's most sacred right. Your Honor, freedom of speech applies... to what comes out of a mouth, not what goes in. Can counsel cite precedent?

Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours.

And let me be the one Who can feel like I am a child in love

Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up? Well, now what are we going to do? Wait a second. Aren't you a member of the yacht club? By god, you're right. I'm a class-three yacht.

Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude. What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000.

Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping?

Life, death-- Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle. Sweet something of... of someplace.

Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

You mean breakfast club sandwich.

Well, I'm moving out.

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

Oh, right. Here's a silly straw. Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh! Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out.

What could possibly--

Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough. You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it.

That's my name. Don't wear it out. ...deliberately robbed her blind by improving his own robot? (CRYING) It's true! He did it! No further questions for this jury. Before I call a recess for mimosas and horse breeding, can the defense produce the bending unit in question?

Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about?

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg.

Out of my way, losers!

Farewell, monobrains. Your Honor, Mom is a poor, frail industrialist with three special sons who require constant neglect. Yet isn't it true, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that this boy, this Cubert Farnsworth...

Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful.

(MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now.

So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?

You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties.

Will the referee bring out the ceremonial cruse of petroleum oil? Thank you, Abraham. Not in the hair, please. I just had it did.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball.

Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go. Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening.

Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg!

I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy. Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

So the dogs do all the work while we sportsmen enjoy a nice horsey ride? Precisely. I see you've caught the fever. Keep your wits about you. I've blanketed these woods with devious traps to ward off poachers and protesters. Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity.

Me. And as a further cost-cutting measure I have eliminated the saltwater cooler. This is a witch hunt.

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe. Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

You go first. I don't want you locking me out there like HAL. Still don't trust me, huh? Well, you can take your lack of trust and jam it in your kidney hole.

Yeah. What did they ever do for me?

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom...

You scored big points tonight, sir. What are you talking about? They ate me alive out there. Yes, but your body stayed on message and that message is, "Look at my shiny new body." The robots ate it up. You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God!

I owe you ten bucks, Hermes. Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees. So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time?

Cut to the chase, Preach.

Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings.

Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave. Howdy, doodies! What's new?

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over,

It's boring out there. Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria."

I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

(PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere

the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to. We'd be shredded across the time-space continuum like human coleslaw. Yum. Observe. Ah... Listen, I know who stole the button. I wasn't gonna tell, because I don't like being helpful.

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it.

Whoa, where is it? Come on. Oh! Now, Hermes you and your lovely wife, LaBarbara have the suite through there.

Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on.

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off.

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell.

Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people. $30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless--

Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it, all to keep our flag flyin' free. And you wanna defend Zoidberg?

Geez, will you lay off?

Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to... At last, a chance to realize my brand-new dream of being the greatest tap dancer in all the world. Well, in a three-block radius. Of all time!

The images are truly horrific. I don't think any of us can understand...

To equip Pharaoh for his journey, we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver... and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

Several! Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING)

A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo!

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS) You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three. Prepare the water cooler that we may gather around it later and discuss things. Single female lawyer

Down with Bender! Down with Bender!

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!"

Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste. What is it?

Whoo! Microbrewed. My guys did all right. I think I'll make my countenance to shine down upon them.

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.

Yeah, we're boned.

Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number.

Now I'll just have someone duplicate your guitar. Thanks, sucker. (LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar.

Women only room!

drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm, expelling, among other things, the parasites. I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear. No! Fry can't know anything about the mission.

I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle.

Bender! I fell through the deck! Are you hurt, my sweet? No. Luckily, a family broke my fall. just hang on. I'll take care of that fire.

Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end?

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me.

There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'.

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me I told you where I told you when

What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors.

Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with.

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven!

I can't believe you're gone. I won't! If I can't reach you physically, I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy.

Would you do it for a Bendee Brew? Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic. MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got love in my tummy And I feel like a-lovin' you Love, you're such a sweet thing Good enough to eat thing

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me!

Is it not possible, nay, probable,

Oh, no, you don't!

Time for the drum solo. Run!

Uh, Leela? I'm through making fun of women. Now I want them to help me. Should we do something? There's no hurry. Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard! Men strange. You have them on your planet?

That's not nearly loyal enough.

I hope this is the control stick. (METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not.

You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles!

Fry, look. It really is beautiful.

Prepare to die!

Sign here, please. I'll just use my opposable thumb. You know, normally I don't go for New World monkeys, but I am digging your upright posture. Geez, Edwards, hitting on a delivery marmoset? Why don't you just show her your big blue ass? Oh, I'm getting to that.

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know?

Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself. Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes.

The vaccine requires the original,

Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend...

They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power. My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher. Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry.

all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that? I took a nappie!

All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun?

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk.

the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three! Go, go, go, New justice Team Go, team, go, team Team, team, team

By my calculations, this head trip will last at most 24 hours. We need to stop that monster, David Farnsworth!

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i?

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES)

Oh, I don't know. Possible, feasible. Maybe.

Look what you made me do. We're going on a corporate team-building retreat. What? Oh, man! - Come on! - No! (UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express!

We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go ride the bumper cars. Amy, why don't you help Fry hoist down the crate? Then lock up when you're done. just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am. Clear?

Now let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex Fourteen, okay? Leela, you've got mail. It's not spam. Huh? It's him.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not. Quite.

Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak.

We're on it. (EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud. John Zoidberg. It's been a long time. How have you been? Not too bad. Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. Later, I'll show you the pictures.

It's been a long time you pus-dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky.

Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham. What brings you two here today? We came to honor Calculon's memory. Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home!

But no! For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels!

Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa!

FRY: Ah! We're cutting through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! Whoo-hoo! (ALARM BLARING) Wait, the Bermuda Tetrahedron? (ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony. Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

(GROANS) Congratulations.

Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

You and me both, brother. Ah, my old scuttling grounds. Let's pull over. I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then.

Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops.

All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms?

Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING)

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back.

How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do? Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

What's that? A tattoo removal laser?

A female leader?

It's particularly purp-tacular. It's pur-practically pur-perfect.

I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS)

Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg!

I can't shoot you. Bender, I found your trigger finger. Now I can. But I won't. Not with so many witnesses.

Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines.

Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. ALL: Yay! New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. You can really see the sugar. I don't know which I like more, original or type two.

How quaint. But I suppose I should do my part for political intercourse. Come closer, and I'll expose what I know. There's nothing. He's as clean as a freshly waxed buttock.

Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist?

Say again? You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Guards? Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

Stay beautiful, dollface. Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch?

This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"? Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know?

I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button?

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules.

that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned.

(CROWD CLAMORING) I still don't see why you get the window seat.

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges. But the ship is dirty. Whatever. I ran out of film an hour ago. No, no, this won't do. A three-month calendar?

Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course.

Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6.

No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do.

Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs. Especially me. Enough. You all failed miserably.

(BUZZER) 48.3 seconds! We got us a winner! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner. Why didn't you let go? My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle!

Okay, let's fight. That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk. NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours,

Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down, and marry a nice house in the suburbs!

That's kind of a pick-me-up. - Wow, that was great! - Hey, thanks. You a fan? I don't know. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck!

We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for!

What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something? No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable! But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker?

Bigfoot? Bigfoot! Bigfoot, is that you?

Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH) Yo, what you doing on our turf?

(GRUNTING) Yet still, I feel empty inside.

How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences!

Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go. What have I done?

How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

Maybe we can rig something up. Would you like that, boy? Would you, boy? (PANTING) Watch out! Sorry. This planet has a moon problem.

And the leftover milk looks like Purpleberry Pond. (SLURPS) Ah! ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Puffs are the sweetest part of your complete breakfast. Along with juice, toast, ham, eggs, bacon, milk, cheese, liver, waffles and a big horse vitamin. And now, back to our show.

One pound of stem cells, please!

I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner!

Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

I trust you... (SNARLING) (ALL SCREAMING) (BELCHES) (PANICKED CLAMORING)

Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked.

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop!

Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right.

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful. Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out.

Look at his adorable little feet. Yes, you are a cutie pie. Holy macaroni!

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV. Who said anything about ripping them off? I did. I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back.

I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif!

I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad!

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn.

Enough friendly banter.

I nominate that Guy! not just because he has a suit, but because he knows about business and stuff, and he has a tie. My shares still count if they went through the washing machine, right? Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say--

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion.

- No, not even then. - All right. My sucker is sealed. In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing this around here. It was brisk. I dressed in layers. That's my girl.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD) Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket!

Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? I didn't run off. I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away while you were kissing Amy. Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you.

I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae,

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet? Huh? Damn it, Fry! He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain. I'm worried about him. He didn't come back with the group.

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams--

So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

Try our new extreme walrus juice. 100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus.

Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning-- et cetera. I do. I do. Okay then.

I got fame, money, groupies, and it's all thanks to being completely immobilized. That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured.

Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

Death to the crab!

And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain...

I'm not surprised.

Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know.

Here's corpsey! Excellent. Now restarting him is just a simple matter of science. What do we do? Well, since Calculon killed himself, his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud.

Oh, yes. They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening. Everyone, help Mom find her bra.

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you! Wha--

Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie?

Requisition me a beat. When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night

Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open!

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks.

(SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Stop illin'. Word.

Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot.

(WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come. Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack!

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship! Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive?

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution.

Magnify that death sphere.

They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter!

Sir, I call upon you not as a president, but as a father! Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion?

Look, I don't know if you want my opinion-- Leela, Bender and I really need to be alone. So, I'm turning off the oxygen.

It's good! I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Well, I'm out of material. You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut. Enjoy your breakfast.

Wait a second. This is Panucci's. I used to work in this exact pizzeria. And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats.

Oh, Lord! Hiking is always such a strain on the buttocks. Shh! What was that sound?

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS)

These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met.

Ah! The fresh air feels good.

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel. Wow, creativity's hard work. (SLURPING NOISILY)

and proclaimed to all the world,

Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm?

(NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

I took the liberty of reprogramming your retirement simulation. Why don't I come in for a moment and show you around?

A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper. The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from.

Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what?

Dirt doesn't need luck. I'm going down there to get my clover back. Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending. Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office.

He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

The Grand Cigar, she is mine. And with absolutely no consequences.

The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer.

Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS) Hey, Professor, couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds,

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile! Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me.

Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train!

I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm. Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut!

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out.

(BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit!

Oh, Sully, you were the best partner I ever had,

Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo.

The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta!

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes. We have bigger problems. This time disruption is extremely serious. Damn right, brother man. This chronological wang-dang-doodle...

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947,

Initiating dog brain CAT scan! Come on, boy. Come back to life. Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god! Commencing D.N.A. extraction!

(ROBERTO SCREAMING)

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow! NO-O-O-o!

What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up.

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow. (GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the...

What is it? My God!

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah!

No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me.

Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-- Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants!

I love it out here, Amy. I feel so manly.

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it!

(ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists...

Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...!

light up a smoke. Wrong way. Smooth. Look on the bright side.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

I swear, I hate every single person on the surface for making us live like this. (GROANING) (GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant.

Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted. Life, death-- Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle.

It wasn't supposed to do any of those things.

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves.

I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right. Dum, da-da-doot, de-de, deet How much? 500 bucks. Done. Zapp Brannigan okay? No. 600.

Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot. (MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers!

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em!

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA. (GRUNTS) Give me the ball! No, give me the ball. I know, let's fight for it. (GRUNTING)

A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter? Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality. Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one.

Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious?

just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy." Oh... If a guy ever did that to me, I'd know it. Wait a second. They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

(GASPING) (SCREAMING) You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this!

the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad.

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed. (SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant.

Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know!

What am I doing?!

Oh, how could Leela not be here? - Do you think she forgot? - Relax. I'm sure she's just ashamed of us. Yo, freak jobs! Hit the nearest manhole, pronto-like. But we have passes that allow us to be up here. From the mayor himself! I don't know. I never heard of no mayor.

Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

Okay. Come on, gang, let's go inoculate everyone and cram Manhattan back into its rightful hole.

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain.

And now you're asking for a day off?

Amy, you grew up on Mars, right?

One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

Let me pick up the check. No!

Fencing diamonds, fixing cockfights

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

What kind of coffin do you want? (GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time.

That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

What up? I'm walkin' on sunshine hmm-mm-mm Sunshine

Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie.

Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

(GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible.

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given.

It's clovering time.

Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you?

Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued.

I promise to build a really big Dyson fence across the southern border of our solar system. (CHEERING) And furthermore, by golly, I promise to cut taxes for the rich and use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel. Yeah! That'll show those poor!

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend... Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order!

You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think.

You mean the one in that alley off 72nd Street? Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at? BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked?

This is my fleam. You use it to peel the skin off your enemies layer by layer till they die or whatever. Neat! Hey, you know who would love fleaming stuff? My friend Bender, who I'll never see again. Aw. You're homesick, aren't you, T.? Mm-hmm. I miss Earth, and I'm still hungry.

ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them! Oh! You coward! Wait for me!

When will the killing end?

Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide! Our next speaker is Professor-- I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way.

And all I ask in return is your hands... to replace these bony hot dogs.

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death.

Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet,

They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems. But-But Metal Lord--

Bite my shiny metal ass!

You'll have to get through me first.

I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter.

Who the sweaty hell is it? Hubert Farnsworth?

(FRUSTRATED CRY) Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery!

Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful. It's like brainwashing. Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games...

In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

Well, Big Caboose was a steel-drivin' son of a gun Till a bad-hearted woman he spied But, Bender, I never spied no bad-hearted woman.

Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement?

So, Bender, how was the party? Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life. I am partied out! Dang. Sorry we missed it. We could have another one, if it would make you guys feel better. Really? No, that's not necessary. Hit it, Bender!

- Hey, buddy. - (GASPING)

Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful.

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old. But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card.

He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever.

So far, so good. Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot?

John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

That was pretty cool. I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics. And so, with two weeks left in the campaign, the question on everyone's mind is who will be the next president of Earth--

I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen.

The sheer drama of this election has driven voter turnout to its highest level in centuries-- six percent. Exit polls show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing with an estimated zero votes. Yes! The system works. The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in.

I have something amazing to show you. What is it, a competent employee? I doubt that very much. Little twerp. Ay, Chihuahua!

What is this, an inquisition? You in or not? Yes.

tell them right now.

This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date.

We want to salvage a cargo ship that sank carrying this robot's rear end. Aye, I'll help ye for a cut of the booty. Now, when you say a cut of the booty... I mean a percentage of the value of the recovered goods.

My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret. Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough.

but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on.

Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil... in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery. That's my clover! Yancy stole it! After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven,

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

By the Bard's quill!

Like the deadly Prius. FARNSWORTH: Ah, here they come. They're in attack formation. They're gonna kill us. That was weird. It's like the Jagermeister air show all over again.

The eyes are watching me. Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

Must kill all... Bender, wake up!

Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script...

How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend. (SCREECHING)

and they walk up to the bar and then-- Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

But remember who the star is-- me, Bender.

Ready to catapult, Sinclair!

I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it. For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch. It was Leela. She beat me to it. (BEEPING) Put a squid in it. We're here. Oi! There's the problem. Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad.

But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes.

Oh! Why? And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way.

Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now.

BENDER: The year 10,000.

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

You guys interested? I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in!

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

What? And you're not the father. No! (LAUGHING) I'm just joking, husband. See now? Things don't seem so bad anymore, do they? You're right. Thank you, LaBarbara. Oh, also, I wrecked the car. This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin.

This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances.

Want to get married and whatever?

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out! Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

Take your hands off me.

He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh!

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender?

except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say. I, meanwhile, returned to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth again come under brain attack. And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all.

Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no.

Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse. No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house.

all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off.

That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill. Knock yourselves out!

My ass! Sweet love of my life! Several hundred people died, too, including my wife. My ass! I'm sorry, buddy. Maybe we can get you a new one. Never! My ass is my soul mate.

There you are. Good as new, except for your dorsal Fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living.

Behold, my mutant atomic supermen! They're only a foot high, Professor. Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really.

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.

A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee?

Wow! I could swear I was really playing Virtual Skeeball.

I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea!

Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP) Oh, your God!

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants!

Well, there's the material rewards. You mean this junk? Whee! All I ever wanted was for people to remember my name. It's Bender. Oh, fuff! Why bother remembering anything? You're just going to forget it five seconds later. It's so unfair.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain.

Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a T-shirt. Is it true they bite your neck and suck your transmission fluid and then you become a human?

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny! Fire! What the-- We missed!

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending.

Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for?

Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for Purpleberry Pond. Purpleberry Pond is fun for young and old When healthy juicy purpleberries fill your bowl We all get along and we're happy and merry I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

Not surprising enough.

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me?

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon.

Yeah, thanks to this dope.

(CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, gang. I think we have all the clues we need to solve the mystery of the haunted cloning machine. Only one person took issue with the ethical ramifications of cloning and also had access to this castle. The butler, Dr. Zoidberg!

Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish But its ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally newish So take a hearty swallow from your robo-Kiddush cup Which will give me time to quickly make them up (BURPS) Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing.

I doubt it. Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have--

No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell! I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here.

Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

(GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me?

MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied." It's okay, Amy. I don't have a fancy degree either,

But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone.

Professor, you did it. You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor. I like physics, but I love cartoons. This is the greatest moment in scientific history. At last, there are no more questions left to answer.

Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place

Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home. You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Aw, hell... I mean heck.

Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway?

(CROWD EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple. (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead

- Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world.

for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What?

at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh? - You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me.

Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo!

Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

(BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass...

(SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with. But Amy and Leela aren't butterflies. Right?

We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo.

What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

You'd better eat quickly, Philip.

Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute!

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor. You robots need alcohol to function.

I've not much money but I've saved my pennies all year for a gift for Mom. Upsy-daisy. Oh. Oh... Hey, look. The robot museum. You guys want to learn about robot heritage?

Ah! The royal bottle is empty! You drank our emperor!

Who's the gross nerd? That's me, at the very first symposium. I'm the academy's oldest living member, you know. These youngsters all look up to me.

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative.

Well, that was dumb.

Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"?

'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card! My whole life I've been mad at him, and it wasn't his fault.

and where would a giant nerd be?

Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote.

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over, and no question, Leela, the first woman ever to reach the majors,

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir. I'm a program built into the intercom.

(WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out.

That's the best thing I ever saw.

Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney.

Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. (SNORING)

(CLEARING THROAT) Leela? I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me again. Maybe play some miniature golf or colossal tennis? Sorry, Fry. I already got a double date with arm and hammer.

I've saved the entire world!

Lighten up, Leela. It's funny. Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh.

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?

Sorry, Captain Leela. I guess I'm just having one of those manic Mondays.

Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie.

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING)

'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover. (SIGHS) Fine. You'll get your cut. I don't really care about the money anyway. I just want to show those poor, disadvantaged orphans that they can succeed in life.

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Death to all humans!

This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President! That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie.

I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell. Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement.

Amy, no! It's too windy! Stay calm, dearest. I'll save you! Kif! You're flying Betsy!

Silence, you cur! Puff out that brisket.

Oh, lordy Lou! Help! I know you've rejected me a lot before,

No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up. Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness.

Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

And it is requested. (HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet

Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

Hear my words. My shell may be tough, like a samurai honeymoon mask, but inside I'm as soft and sensitive as a girl made of custard. Custard time? Hooray! - (LAUGHING) - (BARKING) Please, I am certain I will succeed with my delicate manner. (GROANING) Oops.

(GRUNTING) What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

(CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself. All I wanted was to apologize to you people.

I'm Sheldon, and this is my chief financial officer, Gwen. For 30 years, we've shared the adventure of managing Romanticorp. Not to mention the adventure of marriage. Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean--

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate. Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery!

As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed!

You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life. Aw!

Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot.

Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here.

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump.

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING)

How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey! Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right?

Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library. Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together.

Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

This sausage is great!

$10,000 tuition? I can't afford that! Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

In answer to your question, Hermes. Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity.

Son, you in a whole mess of trouble.

It's time to kick some shiny metal ass! You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene.

(SHIP CREAKING) Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain.

Stop hoggin' the clover!

You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them. Well, which of you wrote me that sonnet? I did! I think. It was probably about 50-50. But that's how I really felt about you, I swear.

Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes? All right, but I wanna lick the beaters. I got her champagne. I opened it.

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was--

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra!

No showboating, you atomic hot dog! And that's the half with the Supermen up, 48-42. Surprisingly dull so far.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious.

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex. Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more! And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops.

If this is a pharmacy calling...

They give you a discount if you've been here before. Keep going. We're right behind you.

(SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair,

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

I'll kill you! You bastard!

Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

So, what do you say, RD? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show? Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough? (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"?

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't.

Good morning, class. I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare! Mr. Fry, are those your underpants?

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

That's your penis.

We've trashed this room but that's just a start. We've got to get Fry's message to the people.

Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

(SOBBING) Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again?

The sun provided plenty of warm, dozy light.

Change places! The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me. The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature. I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.

Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes! 400 categories, and not a single nomination for me.

(ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING)

The downgrade is complete!

On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack. Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING)

Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap?

Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass.

My ass! Sweet love of my life!

You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please.

My primary duties? Well, I assist the Professor in whatever important research he happens to be engaged in. (SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away.

It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

(BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone.

Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.

So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more?

Oh, no, Poor Bender. I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender."

Care to evade these compelling charges? No. I mean, yes. I mean... (GROANS) Okay, let's nip this Earther movement in the bud by releasing your Earth certificate. Where were you born? Our Lady of Patriotism Hospital. Patriotism, good. Where is it?

And they say pure math has no real-world applications! (ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones?

This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell. Aw.

Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again.

Hey, where's Bender? Down here. I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

Another shocking twist!

(MUFFLED YELLING)

BENDER: Aw! What?

but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray. It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape.

(UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express! I'm Dan McMasters, and I'll be your retreat leader for a week of fun and personal empowerment. I hope you're happy! Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am.

Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale. Leela, we need to talk. You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News. Fear not the space behemoth. In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all.

Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face!

Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat.

What's all this cat hair on my sweater? Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls? You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats! Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING)

Hooray! Hooray! Ooh! Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me.

Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet. So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up?

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw! That was fun. What if I distract them with my famous fan dance?

What the... No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Every little thing reminds me of Enos.

ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench? Because, my friends, she has no sense of smell. That explains it. I get it. For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy.

Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash! Everything's getting older the closer we get to that ancient, burnt-out sun! Dude, the Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself! Shut up! I was gonna say that.

Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn!

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing.

They plan to collect all the information in the universe... and store it within the sphere. - So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed.

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan.

To Fry. I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me. Mmm. It stinks.

Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who?

Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

Just shut up and bring me two dinners. Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot. Fry's not here. Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor. Fry went to the party?

(GROANS) Look at these Roman numerals. Roman numerals? I've got it! We're in Rome! Don't be stupid. It's a long-lost mathematical code. I'll need to consult these ancient writings.

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances.

The planet's "kerploding."

Any old, useless matter will do.

We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no!

Prepare to storm the surface for the Million Mutant March! Move out, Fry. We need our most disgusting mutant leading the charge. I'll meet you up there. I need to check out something first. Okay. Vyolet, you're up front. Hey!

Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have!

(NIXON EXCLAIMS)

Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness.

Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me.

we are baby love child I'll take you so high groovy love child give me A kiss baby love child

In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp

FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds. Wait. This isn't a barrel.

Oh! It's an honor to meet you, Leonardo. And may I say, you were great in Titanic. The Beach... That's Leonardo DiCaprio, you blockhead! (GROANS) Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said. So what do people do for fun here?

That was a hell of a massage. Maybe the best that ever was. Say, where are we? (GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real!

- We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon!

He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do!

The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore.

Wait. What's that? Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore. Nothing in there, except maybe a few shreds of moldy, old robot pornography.

Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of...

I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry.

I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him. Aw. I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill. I hope he'll be okay in there with all those big animals.

The situation is grim, Morbo. Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing.

Only one house to go. We did it! Run away! That bully Brett Blob lives there!

(GASPS) Manwiches?

You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe!

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you.

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping.

Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

- Charleston Chew? - You bet!

Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain. Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it.

Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me. Look! I'm slipping, Bender.

Hold the elevator!

You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks. Where is she? I must say, Amy, you're all made up. just like Fry's date. Get it? Uh-uh.

Are you sure? Yes.

Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can.

Happy birthday, young Nibbler. Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape.

Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch. Why don't you just go to hell! Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they?

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre. He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile. Whatever.

Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know.

I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night! Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already?

Mm-hmm. I'm betting it all. Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet! Snake eyes.

It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad!

Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums.

Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee!

(EVERYONE AGREEING) Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion. Well, good night.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender.

Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal.

you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy

Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand! Hoverfish, bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez.

Or new polkaberry. (HONKING) Good nutrition is just a bowl away. ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye.

Eh, no thanks. I'm good.

The rotting carcass of a whale.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you.

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

Yeah. They're great, huh? I just don't belong here. I don't know anyone. I can't find a vanishing cream that doesn't make me actually vanish. I don't even have a job. Oh, right. I was supposed to assign you a job. Let me just get your career chip installed. Hold out your palm. What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced.

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

Yes. Yes! However, no.

Bjornson steps up to the plate and Leela delivers. Oh, gee! Bull's-eye! ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer. - Uuh! - D'oh! An inauspicious continuation for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

- Keeping an eye on the safe? - You know it. Well, looks like it's my shift. You lie down and go off-line for a while. All right.

Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime.

(BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch? (SLURRING) Hey, you!

Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

Aha! Found you. Okay, now you go hide. Nice knowing you. Ahh!

Could you repeat that last part? This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

I was hatched ready. Honorable judge Heads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag. I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right. Your Honor, freedom of speech applies... to what comes out of a mouth, not what goes in. Can counsel cite precedent?

What Bender means is, you're really brave and smart and beautiful and a great friend. just like titanium.

And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way.

Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy.

Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions. Very well. Which is larger,

It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier. Everybody's talkin' at me

Our dads are all pumped up on dork-osterone. We're just trying to be cool like Bender. Yeah. And it's not even working. Smoking and drinking make us barf. Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary!

Our ninth finalist, Miss Methane Planet-- Halatina Smogmeyer.

Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted!

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it!

It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

(SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

The deal is off. The beast must die. Ooh. Pimpy. What are we supposed to do, just sit here and wait for Mr. Peppy to be killed? Sounds like a plan.

Huh? (SQUAWKS) The sky is falling! I say, I say, the sky is falling! (GRUNTS) (SQUAWKS) (SCREAMING)

We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet.

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor,

Digby? Nibbler?

And if this isn't the life you want, how 'bout this? Run program "Kif Two." Oh, Kif! We could live here at the shore... of the Tranquilibrius Sea in a time-share.

Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass? No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect!

Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um-- What if I can't think of anything to say? Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo!

You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so... Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface.

A hundred dollars a week!

Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong.

But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.

No, no. Line? No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then-- Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No! N-O-O-O!

Is it true they bite your neck and suck your transmission fluid and then you become a human?

We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo! So, uh, Flexo...

That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment! Uh, Leela? I'm through making fun of women. Now I want them to help me. Should we do something? There's no hurry.

but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer.

A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots. He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you.

Robot Porno Theater?

Incidentally this will kill all the animals.

Hmm. I better check the fluid levels. We're okay on Coke syrup.

BOTH: All My Circuits! All My Circuits! (BOTH EXCLAIMING) ANNOUNCER: And now All My Circuits, brought to you by Anonyco, the unknown company doing unknown things. Oh, Vaxtron, it's been a year since my ugly husband Calculon disappeared without a trace,

Who put this in here?

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools. I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria.

Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder.

More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

We commend the body of the great Hamenthotep... to the abode of the damned. The damned good-looking. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral.

Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No. Ah! The gang's all here.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg.

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns.

Up yours, Zoidberg-- up wherever your species traditionally crams things.

Sean was uneducated, unambitious-- - He was pasty and hunched-- - Pretty boy. But when he played, I could sense this incredible,

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds!

But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

Quiet your riot. What's the worst that could happen?

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard!

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Forget it. I promised myself I wouldn't pose naked until I was married. Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory. No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes.

(CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy.

Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him.

Don't be a drag, man. We're jacking on. O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah! Want a jolt? Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual? Come on, Bender.

Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box, but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there?

Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert. Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it. (EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud. John Zoidberg. It's been a long time. How have you been?

So, tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler? Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute. You don't have your own body. No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley.

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day. Well, good night.

(BOTH GROANING) I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make?

Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous.

Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie. What the--

My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now?

Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man.

Isolated spots are jumping by years at a time. Look! Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

and also, Jane Fonda was there.

George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true.

HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

Now, get to work! Life is good. Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe.

Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

Thank you all for coming. I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here. Now, without further ado, a film highlighting Planet Express, Inc.'s... latest fiscal year.

Ah, I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness. Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom.

Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby! Then I'm going in after him! No! He'd come after me!

Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order.

True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating. Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Please... Big z. Certainly.

What's this under the chocolates? Yeah, you take care of that whenever you want. Hey! What? A bill? You're charging us after you blinded me? Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity. $1,200? Holy zombie jesus! We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg.

Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

(BRAKES SCREECHING) Hey, Minx, we survive this, can I finally get that date? Nah. You know I'm with Benny. Girl, he don't own you! Yeah, but he saved me from my abusive father. Not physically abusive. Verbally. It's a long story I can't get into while we're spinning out.

I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING)

But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

(GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg. You need an alien hacked to pieces, he's the best there is, in the budget category. Have you ever dissected a Yeti before? (SNICKERS) Himalayan or Neptunian? Tritonian. (GASPS) A Tritonian Yeti? You two aren't up to anything unethical, are you?

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty.

Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week. Movietone News, everyone. I've discovered a new comet. One side, boys. Let a lady take a gander. Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level.

My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure.

Put it on and shut up.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement.

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action.

Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar! We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party. I'm sorry, sir. This is a private-- Oh, pardon me.

(ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world.

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

Then it was all on purpose.

What about in the gutter? Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality. Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE)

(SCATTING) That's because the doomsday device I shoved all up in you puts out 50 gigawatts. That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh?

The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body.

Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING) Whoo! I've never felt so energetic! (SCATTING) That's because the doomsday device I shoved all up in you puts out 50 gigawatts. That's 10 times your recommended...

Knowing their fate, the quality people ran away-- Ted Turner, Hank Aaron, Jeff Foxworthy the guy who invented Coca-Cola, the Magician, and the other so-called gods of our legends--

I've been perusing your fortified wine list and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight, the '57 Chateau Part-Ay and the '66 Thunder-schewitz. Exquisite choices, sir. And mix them all together in a big jug.

Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender.

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Oh! Is it a new party board? It's a board, all right-- an ironing board. We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore. YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do...

View halloo, view halloo. View halloo? All right. What does that mean?

Bad news, everyone.

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed--

Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem?

The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet-- What's wrong?

Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough. On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my planet-- Reload. So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head,

I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Hmm. My tux doesn't fit. Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it. Or evolved, one might say. One might not say that. Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy.

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3...

Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel.

Ahhh! I hope you all enjoyed our tiny beverage service. Now sit back and endure our in-flight entertainment. Hiya, hiya, hiya. So what's the deal with airline food?

Hmm. We lost Bender. There. Now no one will be able to say I don't own John Larroquette's spine. Aha! My brother's grave. "Philip Fry, The Original Martian."

Bender? That walkin' wuss factory?

The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh!

Ah! The exact center of the Atlantic Ocean. This seems the logical place for fish to congregate. So, we're in international waters? Indeed so. Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested.

But, tell us, how could a city with such a... fabulous airport end up underwater? Ah, now, that's a story that can only rightly be told in a chamber of commerce video narrated by folk-rock troubadour, Donovan.

Oh! You hurt my collator!

I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him! Two, four, six, eight. Eating the flag is bad!

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body. Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road.

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?"

(SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

Good news, Leela. I landed the contract... to empty all the spittoons in Little Italy. Eww!

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes!

I think it moved. BOTH: Phew! Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not?

I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house.

Those guys suck.

Flying bananas? Ha, ha. I will slice them on my morning fish porridge. This is no time for one of your jokes, Fry.

For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk? Grabbing your spaceship was not okay. I lost my cool, and I'm sorry. In group, I learned that I tend to be a bit...

"Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper.

And with the ladies. Whoa! Sir!

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh! Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza.

Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you.

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route... and earn some extra cash? No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

(MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine...

Excuse me. This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12.

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part.

(MONITOR BEEPING)

I feel funny-- ha-ha funny. Huh?

Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture.

(CROWD CHEERING) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is truly another honor. Don't get discouraged, there's no shame in being replaced by Robert Wagner. I would be discouraged were I an ordinary acting unit!

(SIGHS) God, it's Zoidberg. I hate to bother you, but...

But then Nicolas Cage discovered the real treasure was his family. Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you?

That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives.

Gunnery Chief Bender, blast us out of quarantine. Aye, aye, lady! Oh, fiddlepoop! Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela Here on level one of robot hell Gambling's wrong and so is cheating

(PANTING) What now? Humidifier. (GROANS) Fine. Yes? Where's that chicken soup we asked for?

My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV) (TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway.

You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback. You know, I might be able to speed up your reflexes by overclocking you. Uh, what's that, sonny? You say it'll put some whoopie in my cushion? This might take a while. I've got to adjust the memory timing, raise the CPU voltage,

Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on!

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver.

I've taught the toaster to feel love.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood.

You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good. Do you think what I did was wrong?

Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days? The calendar predicts fires, earthquakes, sharksplosions, then it just ends! Exactly as the weather balloon foretold.

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down.

Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

And here we go! I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

Pay dirt! Hyah!

One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots?

Aah! They're coming straight toward our proximity! Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender! Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers.

If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy!

time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender.

No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat! So, Hank-- the bad Hank-- just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average. Low? It was zero, you fungo. You went your whole career without getting a hit.

If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface.

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice,

Update Facebook status home?

Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter. Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every 10 seconds. The universe is caught in a time loop.

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts.

Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez.

All right, here's the battle plan.

He's flashin' his cash loaf again.

(GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you.

You mean Doohan? Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

Will I be invisible forever?

I love you. Oh.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay? Death to the men! Death by snu-snu!

I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile.

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there.

Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman. Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes.

(SIGHS) Aww. I think it's noble of you to give Marianne a new nose. Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind. True. Our relationship will end once she smells my odor. But you know what would really stink?

This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative.

Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions. Aw, boo-hoo. Now here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it you'll have 25 minutes to get away.

Oh. Ah! My heart!

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live.

It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar. - Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady.

All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses. Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles! So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead

we drawed you this picture. So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again.

Do whatever the hell you want, then walk away and light a cigar. Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd. Yes, it's clear what I must do.

Something must've happened in your life that hurt you, just like us. In my case, it was verbal abuse. That's in the rearview mirror, baby. It wasn't what he said that hurt, it was what was left unsaid. Sometimes the best way to deal with your problems is to drive away from them real fast.

Too bad you can't spend it. Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No!

Man, I hate those new 1-X robots. I'd like to stab 'em, give 'em some of these. Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade...

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here. Ah, very nice. Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb... of our great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Impressive.

I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen! Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end! Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here.

- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING) Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences.

Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77--

Egg salad? Hmm. Zoidberg will have to examine your gastrointestinal tract. Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy. If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

No! Honk! Honk!

Then I'll prove I'm alive by telling you something only I could know. There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left.

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride.

That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but... I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop!

Stand back. Oops. Don't worry, they'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off. There's our man.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

I almost got you! Come here, you.

Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky. DR. ZOIDBERG: I always come in stinky. LEELA: Stand by. The competition's about to begin. Oh! Hold your fire until Calculon's performance weakens the ego. Roger. Stinky over. Whoof! I beg to differ. (IN BOSTON ACCENT) I wish it had been me, Sully.

Maybe a digital photo,

(SCREAMING) Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know.

and, well, that's no excuse for how I acted. But the boy needs to see that real men... solve their disagreements with words, not violence, so, uh, if you'll accept my apology, well, I hope we can put this embarrassing incident behind us. Mmm. I suppose. Oh. I--

Who likes good news?

just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

The end! I gotta call you back! All right, questions?

(ALL CHEERING) Now, you two step aside. (CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet. Why can't they go today? Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium.

Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy

the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species. This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court.

Free soda for all humans!

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot. Whoa! Whoa!

Leela has promised me her hand Fry, you do not understand I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces.

Aw. Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun.

"Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying! Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster. What are you, my driver's license?

Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark.

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown. So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation. I am expert in shadowy field of many things.

Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file.

Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be. I'm kind of a harpoon snob, and let me say, that thing is gorgeous. But do you really need chest artillery? It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G?

Wait, who said that? (GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship. Ew! I'm Turanga Leela, captain of the current Planet Express ship. What's going on? It's very simple. Well, actually it's very complicated. Luckily, I'm here to explain it.

Ah... futuristic.

They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

(YELLS IN FRIGHT) The championship's mine, robot. (GRUNTS) Why? Why? What did I not do yet to deserve this?

Fine. Can I go now? The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow!

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

I feel like a mindless zombie.

Bender, insert that giant nickel.

We just need to draw attention away from the eye area. Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them?

So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present-- Something so great, she'll never want to be unhappy again.

Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING)

There's the atom! Aw, geez.

(DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back.

Yep, it's going to be...

I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow me.

Hi. Hello. I don't feel well.

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

Please don't. See you soon.

(GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey!

No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars.

Now, once you've hauled the tanker past the protestors-- Protestors? Correct. 6,000 hulls.

I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh?

Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you! I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought. I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope.

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations

Now, if you see any robots just stay out of their way.

Quick! We can escape through that nasal capillary into the sinus. Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy.

Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table?

So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy. With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room. Shall we adjourn to the dungeon?

One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me.

I won! I'm the greatest!

Could you walk Nibbler for me? Uh-- Y-- Uh-- And bring a baggie in case he drops a steamer. Have a great night! Oh, no! Please, no!

Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party! Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes?

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with?

Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily.

and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

Oh, no! (MOANING) Un-paw him, you big ape! I saw this in a Tarzan movie! It was called Tarzan versus the Yetis. I lost my virginity during the film, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details.

Professor, we need to talk, man-to-mob.

Behold the dance of peace. (BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business, customer records are strictly confidential. Right this way. I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later.

Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

Oh, thank God. Trespassers, eh? No, sir. We're amusement park patrons. Oh, that's a wicked, sinful place. Tilt-a-whirl's okay but the rest is mighty wicked. Our car broke down and we're out of oxygen. Can we borrow some?

Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping. Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.

Well, that was pointless. Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me... to ask how you got that stylish head wound. Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain. Of course. I had the same idea. i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed.

Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes. How may I direct your call? What's that? You haven't gotten your paper? In how long?

According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of...

They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone.

But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy? Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one. Daddy has a present for you today. Do you know what it is?

Who wants lobster bisque?

You can't dump Fry! That's my job! (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No.

Death to humans!

No! I want to live.

Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two. If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us

I mean, if you don't have anything better to do. We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald. But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust.

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

Signing bills into law was always your dream, not mine. Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more! And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue? The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95.

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal-- Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender!

Make Bender take a nap in a tube! Come back when I've had some sleep, baby.

It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent.

Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter. (DINGING)

Oh! Why? And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody.

My God, one of the hundreds of contradictory prophecies is coming true.

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't.

- Don't stop. - Ew!

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you!

The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not. Go ahead. I won't stop you. Threaten all you-- Wait. What?

You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt! (ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap! Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often. It's all right, dearest. I know it was just the Nectar talking. And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky.

It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love.

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now. (HONKING)

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS)

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

What's this? Another bathroom?

His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend.

Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe?

I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle. So what were they doing to you in that awful drawer?

Get out. Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick?

(ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

(GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity,

Happy New Year!

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

(ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple.

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us!

KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this. Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh? KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms.

Bender, meet Fast Frank Brogan. Daredevil engineer dies in the crash of Old '88. Dandy Jim and Gus.

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications.

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth.

Mm-mm! We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man.

Women only room!

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

(GASPING) Leela, are you okay? Did you drink too many aquaria? Look, the bone vampire! (MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205.

34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars. Vodka with a sardine in it, please.

Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private.

yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop

Howdy, folks. Come on in. Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil

Its anus looks like an asterisk.

Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors? Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network?

mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived.

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks?

Why? Why? Also what and how? MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose. It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers. And I saw it lactating earlier. Wait, who said that?

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But...

Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace.

The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason. All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near!

Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps.

Are you all right? Oh, yeah.

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine. Your job is to deliver it safe and sound.

That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents! Crash landing!

And the effects may be irreversible. Well, let's get started. No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

No! No! No! No!

Wait for us! Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me. Look!

Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money. Wow, thanks. Hey, you earned that 50 bucks.

Oh, mercy. Come on, you! Let the games begin!

Ravioli, ham, sundae bar.

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon,"

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen.

Urgh! And there's the West Side Pipeway. If those guys slack off for even a second, it could explode. Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now. These conditions are deplorable.

Excellent. Excellent.

Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders.

I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie.

No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman. Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes. Pass. So telleth, Bender-- What hath happened to your body? I hocked it. Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Same reason you hocked your teeth.

Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater.

Do you enjoy partying all night, with plenty of ale and lusty women?

I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen. But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus. You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode.

Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved. Okay, you're on the surface.

But... Got to go!

But if they liked you, then I wouldn't.

Whoo-whooooo! Waaah! Leela, you can stop winning now. We won. I'm too short to reach the hand brake!

Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is.

So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix, the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates.

(ALL GASPING) - Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry?

building up their flapping muscles, but also making them irresistibly attracted to Fry. (EXASPERATED SIGH) The only way to end this madness is for the ladies to quit, cold turkey. Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system. Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right. We have to quit the Nectar.

The gang's all here.

but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry! Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying?

even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING)

Down you're the best around nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the best around Wow.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks!

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

Keep your hands inside the car at all times. Good old Coney Island College. Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type. Oh, yeah? Read it and weep.

Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they? (SIGHS) Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano. Now can we have our pizza? You'll get your damn pizza, you parasite! First, let's see if my Nanobots have purified the water yet.

(BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is?

I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen. We got to get some dirt on this Travers guy. Really McGovern him up. You know who McGovern was, right? I don't even know who you are.

The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo!

Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself,

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers! (ALL CHEERING)

What are you looking at, you British bastards? Paul, we talked about this. Mr. Revere, we're looking for a counterfeiter who minted these smelly ha'pennies. His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush.

Now that's entertainment.

Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING)

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

In fact, that's why we loved you.

You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000.

But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved.

Please, no! Perfect. Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress.

You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you.

long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me you got the power to turn on the light

The end is near! Repent thy sins!

Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii, Chris Travers! (CROWD CHEERING) He won the nomination! We, the people, did it!

Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed.

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive!

Huh? What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No.

(ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah.

You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator...

He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart. And you all do the same.

This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table. Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

- Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

Maybe someday I'll tell you the whole story. And maybe someday, I won't listen.

This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license! And it's mandatory!

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president.

Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

I don't know, but it's infectious. No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk.

Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it. It's too low! Quick!

Good news, everyones. After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe.

Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure!

Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem.

Hey, yeah! But the only gas compressor on this planet is inside Bender's ass. Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does.

Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity. $1,200? Holy zombie jesus! We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest.

Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper.

(BELLS TINKLING) (BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING)

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot! You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away.

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar." There's no such thing. No?

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

Well, it was a spectacular battle, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. No damage?

instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone. Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh.

That azure sky. The verdant treetops.

Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past!

Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth? Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky!

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Ahh, beer. So many choices-- and it makes So little difference. How about LÖbrau? It has dots on it.

Be very gentle, folks. This is the souffle you're delivering to Mrs. Astor. Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar! Whatever you do, don't drop it. See, Mrs. Astor takes nitroglycerine for her heart,

Oh! What the heck? A hot rod! (WHIRRING) (EXCLAIMS)

Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know. Bender? Bender!

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

NEWSCASTER: We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash.

You touched me in ways I've never been touched before. Ah, there you are, Your Majesty. It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony. A fancy dress gala? I'll wear my formal shell.

BENDER: "Free Beer"?

Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all. We are the last remaining Cyclopes. Our planet is Cyclopia. This is the capitol, Cyclops City.

I had no idea the company would be sold! I was just an innocent suck-up! You've got to believe me! just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers. Yeah!

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack.

Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive. Lando? Told you I'd be back. You've grown, Junior.

(WHOOSHING) Planet Express Discount Prisoner Transfer at your service. Take a good look, Dr. Brutaloff.

Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character? I feel like I lost weight. All of it. Remarkable! It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good.

This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment.

I'll get a couple of chumps to help me. Come on. You call yourselves chumps?

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants. Your limbs will gradually transform into a slithering mass of tentacles. Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease?

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people.

Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up!

Run! Stop them! They cheated!

Man, that dog's gonna be hard to beat. Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

Yeah, I'll have a coffee.

And, Morris, I fell in love with your honesty and humility. And those things never mutated.

That was incredible! You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center! You guys almost had him until he digested you. Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride.

Son, I'm the commissioner of ultimate robot fighting. I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen. You should see me at funerals. Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league. Ultimate robot fighting? Sounds pleasant. I'll do it.

But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

I'll get the water boiling. We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex. Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll!

Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones. Wait a second! If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme,

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not.

"Download a celebrity from the Internet."

My gonopores! Look it up.

Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter.

I live in a dumpster. All I have in the world is this coupon for one free session at the tanning salon. Oh, John, that's really all you have? Then, I'll take it. (MOANING)

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes! And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish!

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. You're under arrest for crimes against science. No! Could you drag me by the restroom?

Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.

We'll meet again Don't know where I don't know when

Ow! Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr.

We didn't see anything... ever.

Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow. Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me.

It's cool. Back off!

This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish?

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Hmm... Horsie to Pointy Guy Six. Check.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you.

(BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

It's good! I feel funny-- ha-ha funny. Huh?

Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash.

I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving (SCREAMING) What the hell is that? Nothing. I'm not nothing.

The very bead used to crush our dreams... shall be used to crush your bones! Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Wait. That's the bead you traded your land for?

I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra. Man, I thought you knew that algebra was all razzmatazz! A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes. Vintage Bubblegum! The time skips are worse than ever now.

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait!

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia!

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever. I am so, so sorry for what I did, and I know I can never make it up to you. You don't have to apologize. In fact, I came to thank you. I think you mean hit me. Everyone knows my secret, but no one cares.

And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining!

And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

(GROANS) I hate chiseling right after a manicure. Oh! Darn it! I broke off one of my fingers!

Now, your pine trees were all chopped down to make emergency toilet paper during the Fifty-Year Squirts. Lucky the seeds have been preserved here in the vault there. What's that splork on them? It's not germs, is it? No.

Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

Damn it, I love that little guy so much! I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little! There is one way, but no, it's too horrible. Nothing's too horrible for my boy!

Oh. What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum.

but then we have no memory of it. - You mean we just-- - My, yes! Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum? Not yet. Listen. Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work. Not if you'll grant me the same liberty. Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender,

Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble.

(JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly. Hello. Hello, baby!

That's what makes it so nasty.

Dateline: Tarantulon 6. The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world. And to the victor belong the spoils--

Lo, the worm has turned.

Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me!

(BOTH WHIMPERING)

(BENDER YELLING) (BOTH GASPING)

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box.

I feel like a princess! Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is...

You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry. Enough. The committee members will now vote yea or nay.

Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining?

(SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes.

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

Bender! Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app.

Hey, this thing's pretty smooth. But I still prefer walking. Well, we did it. We got all Bender's parts back. Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid?

He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Godzilla will devour him

There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my.

Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia!

Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

To the end of the universe!

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--"

Let me pick up the check. No! That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Free soda for all humans!

Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin.

Hey, Fry, I know something you could lay bare. Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture. Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do. HERMES: Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter. What the hell is it?

It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him!

To my friend, Bender. A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute.

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on. Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister.

Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! Ready for your big trip to the surface? We're excited, honey, but we don't want to embarrass you. I mean, your mother and I are basically monsters. Dad, relax. You are being so mutant. I found this adorable little bag to wear over my head. And it was on sale!

Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING) I guess what I'm saying is, the next time you almost die, I want it to be as my wife. (GASPS)

Arguably, this could be a good thing. The planet has returned to its primeval state. Earth is just the way it was before the white man came. (DEVICE POWERING UP) Good news. All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen.

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was--

That's one small step for Fry-- And one giant line for admission.

Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow? Hmm... I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension. I suppose that could be an issue.

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump.

I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots. Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots? Or does that confuse you? "See through the eyes of a Bender unit." Fine.

(SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

"Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy."

Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family. What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm! Ugh! Gag unto me with a spoon. Malachi? it's high time I laid down a few commandments.

Bender? Nope, don't recollect nobody by that name. But let me ask my son-in-law, Billy? Yes, Moon-Pa? These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met.

Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah!

This is a witch hunt. Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day. Greetings, friends. Don't we all look nice today? Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life.

One, two, three! Pull! One, two, three! Pull!

(SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

When we reach 72nd Street, jump! (GRUNTS) Ah! Cushiony. (CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so...

Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

Destructor, a robotic armored tank whose very use in battle has been ruled a war crime... versus Gender Bender, who wears a pink tutu.

Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense. Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here.

Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff?

I'm 40% back, baby!

Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore.

Ahh! Aha! Found you. Okay, now you go hide. Nice knowing you. Ahh!

(HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

I'm not ready! There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son. (SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs. Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to.

Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray? No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills.

Ow! Aah! Ow. Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me. At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying?

It hurts. Let's see if this actually works.

I'm still not following you.

Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared.

And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing?

And which one rocked your world? Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that?

Come on! Come on! Come on! I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. - However, I will watch out of curiosity. - Quiet! I'm about to begin the process of reshaping Bender's body... into a tender, delicate form.

Where Styx is a river and not just a band Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned Unless, Fry you surrender my hands Destiny has cheated me

Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna?

Oh, look. A cute little welcoming party. Hey, wanna buy a tiny little kidney? I'll let you punch me for a buck. Look. We've got mail for Santa. Are you his elves? We're not elves. We're Neptunians. We're just shrimpy because he doesn't feed us.

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams?

I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now?

Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects. So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.

Honk! Honk! Bender, wake up. Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened?

BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING) (BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage! ALL: Yeah!

Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal.

My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal--

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards!

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave.

Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies.

Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved?

It's not fair. I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right. FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness!

but you'll look Sweet upon thE seat of A bicycle built For two

Okay, let's clone us some dog. Yeah! Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin! Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15.

The devolution revolution has begun! Beautiful mutants, please welcome Devo! (MUTANTS CHEERING) Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle,

What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms.

Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine. Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring,

Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder.

And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy.

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner.

We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia?

The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter.

I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life.

Hey, bite my glorious golden ass!

Want to get married and whatever? Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's. Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

Gosh, my old neighborhood. Oh! That's the bench where I found some shirts! That fire hydrant-- In the summer we'd light on fire. On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a Socialist newsletter. Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it!

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place. I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year. Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out.

Since when are you my agent?

Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

So? Gentlemen, ladies, let's get this globe trotting. (ALL GRUNTING) It's working! Just a little faster! But we're plotzing here! Then look at Nibbler!

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

I don't feel well.

by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Now they're lowering me into the cold, cold ground. Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard. Yeah, death's a big deal to you flesh bags. But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot.

Yeah, fatal, schmatal. If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body.

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry? Trust me on this. While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world. Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside.

(ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit.

I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right.

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice! This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

Ah! The royal bottle is empty! You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me.

and made peace with the Martians.

Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow! You know, if you still want your land, we could just trade back for it. Hmm. We always thought bead was worthless. We assumed our ancestors were cheated because they not have concept of ownership. So we can have the diamond?

No! No! No! No!

I did accept it. For 40 years!

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love.

their life force gets sucked out.

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn. (CHEERING)

A cherished family keepsake for hours to come. One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure.

What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough!

What's he so worked up about? He's just upset 'cause our boy's missing. Come on, you overgrown rat! Lead us to Philip.

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead.

Ooh! (COUGHING) Oh, yeah. Hey, what's that? Is it drugs? Nah, it ain't drugs. But it's a lot like drugs. It's called spark. You want a hit? Never heard of it. Sure. You like it? I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it.

seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied. Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe.

Oh. Are you my mommy? Negative.

FRY: Girlie calendar? Great idea, Amy.

Don't make me clamp you one! How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey! Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right? There may be some death-killing. It's going to be clamp this, clamp that badda-climp, badda-clamp.

you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it.

You know, when I was first asked to make a film about my nephew-- Professor Farnsworth-- I thought, "Why should I?" Then later, Leela made the film, but if I had made the film you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants.

Dave's not here, man. I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure. So, what are you doing to protect my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices?

Hi. I'm Bender. This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord.

No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them. Oh! Let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood! Sweden? I don't think so!

Ooh! Baby soft.

Anyway, the important thing is to be relaxed tomorrow. Are you sure? Yes. Do what you young people do to unwind. Take a joyride in your jalopy. Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go! (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS) You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS)

(ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela!

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future. Whoa, whoa, girl. I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff.

John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry.

Kiff, we have a conundrum.

Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle.

I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs. Are you? Nah. We understand each other. People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend...

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

Target Robot 1-X, and fire! You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot!

Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter. Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every 10 seconds. The universe is caught in a time loop.

You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans.

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so. But for right now, enjoy the sounds of the world's smallest violin. I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela, for tearing your arm off and all. I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers.

You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night.

(ENGINE STARTS) We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg.

They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth.

Don't worry about it. Do the robot, baby!

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Looming ahead, nature's waterfall, the cliff of the waters.

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups. (BEEPS)

No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends.

(SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't...

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING)

It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker.

Choke on that, causality!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip!

Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

(EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be-- Ah, dang it.

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

All I got left is a colander and a pie pan.

Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization.

Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir! Remember, our mission is simple--

Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam!

I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith!

Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

We want McNeal!

The engine's stalled. I'm trying the manual fuel pump. Hello, we're the Robot Mafia-- the entire Robot Mafia. We're here to steal your cigars. You'll never get away with this. Unless you let us live. Then you'll get off scot-free. joey, Clamps...

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will.

We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh! Ahh! We did it! We're home free! Yes, but... I'm dying. Not 'cause of the turds.

The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron.

We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes.

(VEHICLES HONKING) Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses.

Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin?

I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy.

There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research. I said, "Relax!" Ooh! Ooh! Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

You see-- Magic. Got it. Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think.

As stupid as Zoidberg's idea is, it's brilliant when I have it.

All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes!

This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of "funk-ay!"

Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you.

I landed him on one of your planet's many rooftops for an important mission. While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over,

You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

But we still need someone to pilot the ship.

A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal,

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow. I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip.

(GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye,

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics.

Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake.

Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics. Bender!

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies.

Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus! Oh-ho! I've got you now. Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor!

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do.

Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING)

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

(SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right.

Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones.

Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy. That's nice.

This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

I didn't know we had a panic room. Me, neither. It really could have come in handy, like, 50 times. We'll be safe in here. The walls are impregnable, and we have enough food and board games to survive for weeks. We'll be dead within an hour. All life support has shut down!

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger. Hmm. I better check the fluid levels.

(EXCLAIMS) That's the worst thing I've ever seen! Really? Then don't look over there. Whee! Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children?

Here we are-- your new home. Cool. You know, I've never even seen a robot's apartment before. Come on in. I'll give you the tour.

You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

Shh! What was that sound? It wasn't a bird's nest falling. That sounds like this. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him.

I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray. Sir, please. I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it. Very well.

Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? Yeah, I suppose. Wait. This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly, little tree grow big and strong.

Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies?

Uh, I can't stand to see a robot cry. Let's watch TV.

Once invoked, the sacred tradition of Claw Plock cannot be taken back. It is a recent tradition, only 18 years old but it is a tradition nonetheless!

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested.

(SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement?

And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up. Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness. just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac...

Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

This is it. My Ronco Record Vault. I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck.

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together. I love you so much. Hello.

Bender, wait. Won't the bugs just run out and infest someplace else? Like, our building? Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING)

Anyway, I should get going. No, Bender, wait. We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us.

"The New Delivery Kings?" I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts. But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

Three, two, one.

Don't fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets.

I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island.

Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats.

Oh. That's a little bright.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

Wearing a costume and pretending to be someone else goes against my every instinct as an actor.

This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

we are able to declare a winner. Chris Travers, who leapt backwards in time and ahead in the polls, has defeated Richard Nixon. (ALL CHEERING) LEELA: He did it! He did it! Yes! Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela.

Full speed ahead. Oh, yeah. Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet! Snake eyes. Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter. Ah. Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink.

LaBarbara? Dwight? I just got an urgent text from little Hermes. You can't do this thing. You don't even know whose brain that is. It doesn't matter. Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father. You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait.

You Ruth Bader believe it! But I... Of course I was born on Earth. Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake. I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions? Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News.

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards!

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes.

The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death. (GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace.

They look like giant claws with bodies attached. At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell. Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy."

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not.

Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh?

Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot.

deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here!

Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to. Fry, you're my friend. Come on, everyone line up for a hug. Let's tear down some emotional walls.

Because I'm very interested in that. Well, okay but it's chilly and you're going to be all wet from the tears. Let's go into my chamber. It wasn't long ago our people were happy and prosperous but the eyeless Mole People of sub-terra Three grew jealous of our visual prowess.

Mmm... As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg,

You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh.

Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you. That's such a beautiful thought, Fry. And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me.

Let's see. If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here. Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes?

Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax!

Open the dome and unleash the power of the heavens! (BIRDS CHIRPING)

I don't have any hands.

You do? Hell, no!

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom. My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil? Well, I got a label for you, pal-- an ugly little word called "prejudice." I'm not prejudiced. Aw, save it for the cross burning, Adolf.

You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married. I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground.

She's naked but unharmed.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card. "You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name. "You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami."

the tallest volcano in the solar system.

(BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

I got her! Ow! Oops! Try again! We're too far apart. No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay.

Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock. Indeed, it's pure diamondium. Um, would it be possible to break off a piece and put it in an engagement ring for reasons that are private?

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg?

(LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever.

Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One! What th--

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities.

Take this and that and one of these.

Oops. We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now. Aha!

Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby.

Oh, no! What have I done? You poor little guy. I'm so sorry I-- Bender?

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a?

Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy (BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

Bleh! Mmm! Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of?

Oh, that's gotta clamp!

We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky.

Wow, I love symposia.

The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them! Oh!

That's it? You hate robosexuals 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot!

Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (EXCLAIMS) Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me! Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS)

The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton.

I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Hey, I'm Elzar. Welcome to the show.

Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police. Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading.

It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop.

To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you! Let the games begin!

Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online. Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online. We are on line.

Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition! Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela?

Yeah, but now it's the distant future. Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of? Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Come along, Cinnamon.

Oh, yeah, now I remember.

They said it couldn't be done, Kif, but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon. Sun. At night it's called the moon.

Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight. You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven.

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God.

What do you say we plead insanity?

And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear. I've been perusing your fortified wine list and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight,

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

Prosecutor, your opening statement? Yeah, honey, I'll be home for dinner. The prosecution rests, Your Honor. Very well. We will reconvene when the jury reaches a verdict. Son, you in a whole mess of trouble.

But we can always build more killbots.

This is my best protest sign ever, and it was easy because I started with a "save the ox" sign I already had. (HORSE WHINNIES) Wow, where'd you get the horse? None of your business.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about?

Uh... as I was saying... mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal-- whoever he is. Am I right?

(TIRES SCREECHING) Aw! Nibbler made a bobo for Mama.

Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler.

and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe.

For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And?

Finally. Come on, Bender. Let's mosey. Nice catch, idiot.

so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

(SLURPING) Here, Mr. Peppy. Mmm, lovely bones. We've been walking for hours. I hope we can find our way back. Don't worry, I left a trail of bread crumbs. And I left a trail of cigars.

ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha! (TRAIN CHUGGING)

Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker if you turn up the controls to superspeed It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray.

I wouldn't want to follow that guy.

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry!

Fine. Break my heart again. Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry.

It gets lonely and depressing around here, with no entertainment except the (SHOUTS) rigged Bingo! MAN: (THROUGH WALL) Prove it, loser! Well, we should get going. It was great to meet you, though, and hear about how bursitis transcends physical existence.

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio.

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me!

I'll be upstairs putting batteries in things. Whoa! The Maltese Liquor. Forty ounces of heaven! (BARKING) Here, boy. This is for you.

Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans.

(CLEARING THROAT) Leela?

There. Give it a try.

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth!

Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

(MOTOR RUNNING)

like gravity, or the shape of the Earth. Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of Creatureism.

Bender was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. We'll send his widow some meatballs. Clamps, Bella, get in the way-back. (BELL TINKLING)

Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

Man, I hate those new 1-X robots. I'd like to stab 'em, give 'em some of these. Yeah, right on, nutcake.

Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie?

He just won't stop with the social commentary.

Cookies! Fifty cents a box!

Just the four of us. Let's go already!

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag,

Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Yes, Ndnd. I heard you the first hundred times. I'll conquer something tomorrow after I fuel up on one of your disgusting egg-white omelets. You want yolks? Fine! Enjoy your stroke.

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft!

It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

It's Elzar again! Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants! Leela, please, let me make this up to you.

Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder. I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it. Now I'll convert that guitar image to a wire-frame model. There, like so. And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer. (BEEPING)

Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news.

I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num.

Greetings, merchant! I need something beautiful and cheap for a lady who is one of those things. The cheapest thing I have is a bouquet of daisies for $6. Perfect! I'll take half a bouquet of daisies for $3.

I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two.

I'm bored. Let's drink. (TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout. It's great to see so many happy smiles, most of them on Mouth Mutant. (ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years,

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop!

It's some kind of chicken hat! It's cute. So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad? (ENGINES FIRE) (GRUNTING)

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No. Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem. Insert coin.

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

Pardon me, sir--

If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?

Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty. Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken,

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness. Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there.

Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill.

Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever. Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal.

Okay, neck, tap, tap,

It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

What do you mean we, mammal?

Bender is falling! Whoa!

The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he? (GASPING) Bender? (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Welcome to Mars!

I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?

Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you?

I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward? Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so--

One more lap! Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap. (CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology.

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way! I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that.

This is all Leela's fault. Yeah. If she had let us use the backup dolly we could have broken it given up, and gone home by now. You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things.

Trees up. Trees down.

There were no survivors.

I can't watch. I better take some pictures. Wait a minute. When living creatures look at Cobb's photo, their life force gets sucked out. And Cobb's a living creature. I just need to show him a picture of himself. But I tore up the only picture of Cobb. And everybody knows, once you delete a photo, it's gone forever.

As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him.

I'd like that! (GRUNTS)

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry?

All hail the new captain.

Greetings, merchant! I need something beautiful and cheap for a lady who is one of those things. The cheapest thing I have is a bouquet of daisies for $6. Perfect! I'll take half a bouquet of daisies for $3.

Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you. And to make it up to you, we're killing the Professor for you so he doesn't die horribly from hyper-malaria. He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism.

It's... It's... The spark that reignited our marriage? Yes! Exactly. Good night. (SNORING) (SOBBING)

To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say.

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

Greetings, masters! My companion and I made lots of toys. Out of my way, shrimpo. We're here to bring Santa back so we can prove Bender's innocence.

There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Talk about a mood killer.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight?

Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh?

Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine. Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring,

Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly.

There is but one being who can resist them-- a child of destiny whose bizarre brain-wave pattern... makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack. He is the hope of the universe. The fate of your world-- perhaps all worlds--

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil.

My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives.

They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo. Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is,

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what. I met a fabulous girl and we're engaged to be hitched.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

Ho... ho... ho! So lock the door and hit the floor 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight. Go away.

Come on. That should be more than enough fuel to get us out of here. Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

People of Osiris Four, please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things. Gunnery Chief Bender, blast us out of quarantine.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

I'm back, Crab Dip. What you watching? Only a documentary about the greatest actor in the world. Ah, yes, Calculon.

Ha! During your last moments in this universe, perhaps you should query our database... concerning the night of December 31, 1999.

I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it!

The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail."

Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh.

She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread.

what you need to know to protect your family. How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know? I watch TV. It's the next best thing to being alive. Oh, what's the use? I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb.

All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed. (BEEPS) (WHIRRING) (GASPS) Fry, this is amazing! You did this all by yourself? Uh-huh.

Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad.

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them.

You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy.

Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you? Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large--

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two?

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man!

And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar.

Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad? Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was!

Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part? I... d--

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power?

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

your role is to distract Fry, so he doesn't notice what we're up to. Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors. Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about. There will be no noodles until the operation is complete.

Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with.

Aye, up! Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say!

Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math. Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in...

You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror.

Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me.

In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack. Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever.

I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back.

It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly.

We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island. Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot.

I did it! I got a great deal on the ship! Hooray! I knew you wouldn't let us down in any way. Well, how much did you get? Two! Two magic beans! (GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh!

If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it? Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box. You know, maybe a certain blue lobster... saw where Professor hid the box.

Take a rage dump, mon.

Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

All I ever wanted was for people to remember my name. It's Bender. Oh, fuff! Why bother remembering anything? You're just going to forget it five seconds later. It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook,

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York... helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around. Dirt doesn't need luck. I'm going down there to get my clover back.

The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So? Gentlemen, ladies, let's get this globe trotting.

I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh!

Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles. I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day?

Had enough? I thought so.

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

Ah, that must be my old boss. Hello, Leela. You're fired. I know. I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point.

NARRATOR: And so the salmon reach the ocean, birthplace of all life. Except the salmon. Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward,

I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said. Let's try again, but this time, everyone cram into my time shelter. Wow. LEELA: Nice.

Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot. Hear, hear. Let's put on our new uniforms and take a staff photo for the newsletter. Right on!

Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time. I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon.

Lovely. Just lovely. New topic. Can I have your autograph, and also you tell me everything you know about folk singing, and I'll take your guitar, too?

So this is Little Neptune. Yep. Every chef knows this is the place to get exotic gourmet ingredients. Among other things. Come on, man!

And don't skimp on the nasty. There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence!

I love you, buddy. Countess! Countess! Bender! I fell through the deck! Are you hurt, my sweet?

Oh, you have got to be kidding.

They make me look cool. Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy. So, where are you going to stay? Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes?

(SIGHS) You boys did good. Nailed a major violator of the laws of physics. He's going down. Cat's gonna testify. Guys like this really bust my uterus. You're both getting a promotion.

You're under arrest for child cruelty,

we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys.

could destroy the very matrix of reality. Tate, what do you know about this?

All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale? I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales. Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon. (HARPOON LOADING)

Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it!

That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony. Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore for me... to clean out my wrinkles each day. Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please!

No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

Crew, as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past.

My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl. Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here. All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him.

In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels.

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box!

Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record." Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave... at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery, buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe.

If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

MAN: It's The Futurama Holiday Spectacular brought to you by... (READING) Ah, the Xmas season.

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings.

You may feel small pain. Thank you. What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela.

I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss. Hug. Handshake. I'll text you.

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING) Lot of weather we're having. Allow me, my lady. (UNZIPPING) Shall we go a-trousering?

I know I am. Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life.

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City. She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face. No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

Kill him! Kill the traitor! Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag!

I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine."

to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment. Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us.

I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you? Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail. We did it! We won!

Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal.

I don't understand. There's no Earth certificate in here. TRAVERS: No, there isn't. (ALL GASP) I told you not to look. So, you're not from Earth after all. Of course I'm from Earth. Wait a second. There's no Earth certificate,

Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me?

So, you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams? Of course.

This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between.

will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu!

Twelve straight hours of limbo. I haven't done that since my honeymoon. Hermes, Hermes, remember that flock of bats? I sure do. That was fun.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now

Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory.

It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around. Who the hell is this? How did you get this number?

What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

It looks so unhappy. Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do?

The Titanic. Looks nice.

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

Approved for all audiences! No! NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan.

What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest!

This is our last chance, Fry! When the alien ship plays the tone sequence, respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

No! No! No! No!

One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'. Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us.

the Murderflies! And now their opponents, the vixens most horrible from the big blue marble, the WingNuts. Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore,

Toodle-oo! Dumb ass.

Oh, God, it's true!

A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no!

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Fruzen Gladje! Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters! Eins, zwei, drei, vier, lift your Stein and drink your beer! Ich bin ein never! (MOANS)

Hey... Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross.

After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job.

They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no. Off we go.

Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no.

So the moral of the story is... if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! You know, you always were a kick in the teeth, man.

It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats?

Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party-- one of the most social events imaginable? It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots.

Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

Help! Boy trapped in ice! Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING)

Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it! That's the last of them.

Maybe a digital photo, but with film, I still have the negative. Hurry, make a new print. I don't know how long I can distract Cobb's ego. Okay. I'll be in the darkroom. (YELLING)

(SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life. Aw!

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny! Fire!

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy.

No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something.

That sounds great! Aw, but you can't possibly afford to take me to a place like that. Oh, yes, she can. As a return guest, Leela will receive a 25% discount and a complimentary waterfall. (GASPS) This is exactly what we need! Plus, you get a return visitor discount. Hey, wait, you were there before?

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow!

Bad news, everyone. By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age.

Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy!

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Oh. Ah! My heart!

Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's. Undercover pursuit in progress... baby.

One, two! one, two, three!

Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus! Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat.

Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

Hmm. I better check the fluid levels. We're okay on Coke syrup. Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

What? We're goin' back to civilization...

And they say pure math has no real-world applications! (ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes!

We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh. Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Urgh! And there's the West Side Pipeway.

I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button.

And yet, what did it solve?

Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway. I was, but you can't sit on something for a week without falling in love with it.

Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Yes. Yes! However, no. What if my legendary acting ability didn't rise from the grave with me? I'd better test it with a dramatic... Is he all right? ...pause!

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Bug off! Get home, bastard man! It all started with Gerald Ford's famous invention the automo-car, which was powered by a tank of burning fossils. Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots.

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera.

Filings to filings, rust to rust.

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill?

I said not now! Sure, I know a guy. (CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what? Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot.

Yeah, well, I did open the account over a thousand years ago. What about my A.T.M. card? Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right.

Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone.

will you... (SCREAMS)

Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot. And I'm gonna tell you all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down? (TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING)

No, igner, put that down! Ohh.

Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too. - Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam!

Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea.

Hey, look, Leela. It's that idiotic windbag you slept with. The Earth is under attack. Can't we just forget about that? Evidently not. Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty.

Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work. Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice.

You want some salad with that? Yuck! Mom, Dad, you remember Kif.

Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay!

Please. I need something to settle my stomach. The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg?

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat.

Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute. You don't have your own body. No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump.

Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief!

There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick.

We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans. Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort.

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you?

Now, the Info-Sphere will open its protective crust... so as to scan itself, completing its thousand-year task.

No. Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before.

Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

Until time stops. What?

I mean it, don't make this any harder than it has to be. It's time to let go. Ow! Thanks, Leela, he just needed a little extra push. Come on, Fry, let's go home and...

industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back!

Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me.

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up

I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia! Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian?

please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One!

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly. Speaking of which, time for me to shoot the IHOP dessert curl. Ugh!

I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999.

Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington. Let's review. Who was our first president? Um-- A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson?

The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent.

It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours! That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

Style? Uh, deep space.

Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety. Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Yo, Cosmic F. What up?

My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore. I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot,

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven!

Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut.

Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew. This is awesome.

Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already.

Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable!

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome.

Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah. Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day!

well below the legal limit for robots.

Hey, it's Leela. Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone? It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself.

It's my booties from when I was a kid. Uh, they're already bronzed. They are bronze.

but then there arose a terrible enemy-- the Brain Spawn. Ever since, we have waged unceasing war... against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

That's thinkin' like a man. Hello? This is Flexo.

"Anyhoo," your net suits will let you experience... Fry's worm-infested bowels... as if you were actually wriggling through them. There's no part of that sentence I didn't like.

Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement.

You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous.

Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness! Listen, lady, as you can plainly see I'm a highly desirable male, groaning with jelly yet I embrace a life of celibacy in order to uphold our crazy traditions.

Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around. Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint.

exactly 24 hours. No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave. Without a working one, we have no hope of returning to the future.

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society! In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do.

Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that. (SOBS) Dad, are you crying? No! I said with the mouth you're looking at.

But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion.

I wanted this week to be special. And then Sean had to show up. Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all. Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where? And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo! Pss! That's not scary.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number.

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer! Ugh. Yes, Malachi, what is it this time? My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?

Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me. Hello, Leela. I was at a nearby tailor, getting one of my Hawaiian shirts toned down, so I thought I'd drop in for your follow-up exam. Oh! That's so handsome of you.

Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it.

We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday! (CHEERING) Thank God most of our fans are huge perverts.

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God...

Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done?

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

Welcome, swingers! Pull up a groove and get fabulous!

The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose.

We're going to beat it out of you.

Shut the hell up!

Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple.

Course, it's shank or be shanked.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31.

So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars, you all get to go to some camp? Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards.

But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.

With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

beautiful Women-- The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment. For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday,

What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage. Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for!

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES)

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

Behold, the one commandment.

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down. Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.

Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment.

Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync. I was like, "Save them!" And he was all, "No problem." And then he did it. His new technology is great.

I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

(HORSE WHINNIES) Wow, where'd you get the horse? None of your business.

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon?

Fry! Get up there! Thank you. You know, when I was first asked to make a film about my nephew-- Professor Farnsworth-- I thought, "Why should I?" Then later, Leela made the film, but if I had made the film you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film.

Impossible! We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove!

LaBarbara? Dwight? I just got an urgent text from little Hermes. You can't do this thing. You don't even know whose brain that is. It doesn't matter. Any robot brain will improve my fitness as a husband and father. You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son.

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'? Remember me!

Ah, I just let you back in! This is unbelievable. I thought you were a furry little moron, but here you are flying an adorable spaceship. If only you could talk. Wait! I understood that.

Exciting news, people!

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name?

Run program "Kif Two." Oh, Kif! We could live here at the shore... of the Tranquilibrius Sea in a time-share. And I would pluck the moon from the sky just to see you smile. Almost got it.

when a manbot and a fembot realized they loved each other. Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here. All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever. It sure was. Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu.

Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

"I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead."

Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost?

Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you. Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it!

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty. Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson... about changing your sex to win five gold medals.

Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

(CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you.

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram? I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live.

Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time!

He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil.

Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe! Now, stand back and watch the master at work. Whoo! You can do it, Calc-y!

MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about... (SNORING) He won't wake up if we stay quiet.

Well, looks like Flexo got away clean. It's a darn shame. He must have jumped ship with the atom the second we landed. Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't?

and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast.

But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor.

(DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President!

Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend.

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly.

(ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too. (SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother.

Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone.

Oh, I made myself sad.

Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again?

Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity.

Chitchat achieved!

Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

Now, why couldn't I have just described his appearance at this point? This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement!

It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face. (ENGINE REVVING) Oh, snap! It's our rival gang! We have a rival gang? I hate them! Hit the deck!

(ALL JEERING) Don't come back! Well, let's get looting! Fry, this is the most noble thing anyone has ever done for me.

Wernstrom! Well, well, well. Come to present your latest napkin, Professor? No, I'm here because a giant trash ball is heading straight for us. Smell for yourself. Holy-- Gee!

You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

Hey, speaking of splattered bowels, can I cook you a romantic dinner tonight, Leela?

Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar.

Party on. No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret!

These rare and fascinating deep-sea fish are extremely sensitive to light.

Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow! (DINGING)

And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please? Well, if it's what you really want. It is. I know it is. I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up.

The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood.

DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry.

But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP)

(FIRING) I'll have to re-edit the program. Rose Mary, have we got any type of machinery to edit tape? ROSE MARY: Oh, you know we do. Time for Dickie to get tricky.

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm.

LEELA: Oops. I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes. Just deliver the package, and let's get out of here. Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy. I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat?

we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys.

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

Madam, I am one impressed celebrity. Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots. From this day forth, I shall do so whenever possible. Golly! What? Coilette, this may be presumptuous.

Leela, you beaned a run in. You better let me pitch. But I've got a no-hitter going! You're right. Here. Yea! Don't take her out! She's a firecracker! Excuse me. I'd like to talk to you. Am I under arrest?

Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff.

Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us. Work faster-- like this!

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A.

Hey, we were watching that!

so you can't do any more harm. Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else! Or else what? Or else that.

No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

It's too risky! I'm a very meek individual.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh!

So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer." Oh, a man can dream, though.

Mmm! Now, that's a grand old flag! All right, Zoidberg! I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like. All right!

What's happening to me? Is it puberty? It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free.

Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl.

Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair!

This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train, making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela.

And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time. All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two.

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine.

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater! (GASPS)

- Aah! - What the...?! 'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb. Wow. Now, this is fantastic.

And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals. Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy.

One side, boys. Let a lady take a gander. Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock. Indeed, it's pure diamondium.

Oh! My eye! I'm blind!

I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers, I realize that what I was living for were the questions. That stinks, Professor. Too bad the universe made it turn out that way and not some other way. I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking!

You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject.

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes!

I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible...

How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? No! Please! I can't shoot you.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen. What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know.

How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers!

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out. Hi.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler. Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show!

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

(MOANING) P.U.! Thank God I don't have a nose.

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench? Because, my friends, she has no sense of smell. That explains it. I get it.

I'd kill them all. Yes? Delivery for a Mr. 147573952589676412927?

Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial. Let's refract this sucker.

TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

a wondrous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays...

(LAUGHS) Hermes, you and your preposterous sci fi nonsense. No, this is simply a translucidating ink polarizer. It aligns the pigment molecules, channeling photons through, and rendering the ink invisible. Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal. Nobody said that.

Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No! N-O-O-O!

What's all this cat hair on my sweater? Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls? You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats! Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING)

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging. Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor.

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Call me cocky but if there's an alien out there I can't kill I haven't met him and killed him yet.

Ladies and gentlemen, something very strange has just happened... in this basketball game between space clowns and atomic monsters. Hmm? Time out! Time out!

Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Urgh! And there's the West Side Pipeway.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No!

(MILD APPLAUSE) Thank you, Great Reveal-o. And now, as a solemn testicle to those left behind on Earth, I present this monument, titled simply, "Heroes." (SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry.

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Now, look, missy, if you don't turn around right now, I'm gonna have to shut down your brain. Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela. Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all. Maybe not, but what if the artificial gravity were to malfunction? Float for your lives!

Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace.

Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

The evidence is mounting.

If you see any steaks, that'd be good!

Bite my colossal metal ass.

Nothing. I'm not nothing. All my life, everyone's called me nothing. You have a boil on your butt that sings show tunes with you? Don't look at me. I'm a freak. No, no, well... I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan?

Oh, shut up! Amazing. I've theorized that carbon-based, fat-filled life could exist, but until today, I never had any proof. Good for you. Can we go home now?

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows,

I know exactly where you left your ship. That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead. Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING)

Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

Ooh, boy. Ow! Oh! Oh! Ow! My eye!

Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity! Bender, quit destroying the universe!

(DIGGING) FARNSWORTH: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann. (GASPS) Eureka! It's the elusive missing missing link. This will show Banjo, once and for all.

Yah! Also, I got this goin'. Listen up, New New York!

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube.

under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean. I see.

Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen! Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end!

(ALL GASPING) Damn. You got knocked up by a police officer while he was looking for your kidnapped child? Sure did! I still got it. So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy.

Yeah. Either that or be a man.

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

Say, Fry, why do you always have the munchies? And also your eyes are bloodshot, you're paranoid, and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS)

(ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge. (WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks. You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start.

Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda.

No, don't quit. You have great ideas. You just need to get them out there with social media. (BEEPS) Look, I posted your debate video on Facebag. 10,000 views? That's more than most water-skiing squirrels get. You really think I have a chance? Absolutely.

Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

Mind if we crash here tonight? The colors in the van are keeping us awake. All right, but hands off the minibar.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

(FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

Why would I want to know?

Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure!

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday.

What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage. Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for! Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here.

Leela, it's real velour.

Fourth dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. Halt! (ALL EXCLAIM) Who said that? All I see are a bunch of vertical line segments. We are the Lords of Flatbush. Come. The king has declared a feast in your honor. Wow. How did he even know we're here?

I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia?

we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

No, I guess it keeps going. There we go.

I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS)

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever.

Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo! So, uh, Flexo...

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up?

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan?

This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate. Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw.

Fortunately, I still have our old career chips. Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away?

You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you! Oh, well, it's just, really, that I don't feel that--

she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela. FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding.

And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again. would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang?

I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Him pending para un bending. Oh, Qbert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you. What is it, a competent employee? I doubt that very much.

My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor.

As long as I don't have to parallel park.

A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed.

Duh! I have to draw in pencil, 'cause I don't know how to use rendering software. (BOTH LAUGHING) Stupid Biff! Thinks he's so smart.

I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. I kid, I kid. Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill.

like I did as a baby. And so I make this solemn vow to do everything I can to make sure this wonderful, innocent creature enters this world happy, healthy, and... All yours, Zoidberg.

The space gorilla's just like us Although I breathe chlorine (CHEERING) Wow, I can't believe you imaginated all that stuff.

See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter!

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home. Why is there so little traffic around Earth?

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure. You, sir, have defaced a national treasure. I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!

It sure is relaxing getting swept along by this current. Oh, my! Oh, dear! Oh, yes! This just in. Three dead in foamy plunge. (LAUGHS)

No one insults the turtles!

Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves.

The Moon Moon? Wow, I'm going to be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong and those other brave guys no one ever heard of. Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela?

It worked perfectly!

Could've fooled me. Quiet, Fry.

That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand?

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy!

There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere.

I came here with a simple dream-- A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end? Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here?

Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry.

But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.

Captain Musky? I wouldn't want to follow that guy.

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled."

(ALL MURMURING) What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt.

I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great,

(YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem. Exactly. Now, enough about who is and who isn't a Chinese skank. We're just two happy couples on a double date. (YOWLS)

Are the pizza muffins ready?

You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right. Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp! Has the jury reached a verdict? Not just any verdict, Your Honor. A great verdict!

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew.

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

(YELLING) (GRUNTING) (PANTING) (EXHALES)

Yes, it's completely crazy, and that is why you must find him not guilty by reason of insanity! (ALL GASP) Objection! I'm not crazy. I created you all, and I came here in a homemade spaceship and lived in a cave. If you don't believe me, ask my uncle.

Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

After all, our love isn't any different from yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved. (ALL CHEERING) I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor? This $4 coffeepot talks about love,

My tummy hurts.

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS) I hated Jim!

Also, good news, everyone! We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld.

They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm.

Aw, Leela's going to kill me. Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye-- Well, it's time to say hello to the old gang.

It's not-not a smart bet. According to the script, you're supposed to prance out and tickle him with your fairy wand. Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle. Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go.

Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all. Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking.

A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

Don't look at me! ...and someday, if my dreams come true,

(GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat! There's a duo here to rescue us! How dynamic are they? Not very. Go about your business, citizens. Well, back to being the subject of gruesome genetic experiments, old chum. (BOTH YELLING, GROANING)

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What?

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did.

This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder? Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky.

The planet of gangs, thugs and hustlers? Ooh! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Hang on. If we're delivering a package to criminals, I want to know what's in it.

robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

(GASPS) I can't believe you came! The Beachmaster'll kill you if he finds out! Also, who are you? I'm in love with you! And I don't care what he thinks. Here, I brought you something. Hurray! We're three friends at the beach!

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk? Grabbing your spaceship was not okay. I lost my cool, and I'm sorry. In group, I learned that I tend to be a bit... Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude,

She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot! (ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit!

We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked.

That oughta keep those dopes occupied.

Show us this... the wheel.

I have formed an idea. I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it. Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates.

I got you an official Bender hat. Wow! Thanks, Hermes. I... Hey, cut that out!

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending.

In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo!

- Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize.

Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze! Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them!

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

I'm getting reports that cities across the globe are being destroyed by this noble invader, whose good looks are apparently discernible across vast distances and through solid metal. But wait, the leader of the attack is swaggering out of his ship and up to a convenient nearby microphone.

Daddy, how'd you get so good at bending? I inherited my arm control software from my mom. That's how it's passed down, mother to son. But my mommy had no arms! Does that mean I can never be a bender? Well, sure you can! You just need to get a bending card installed.

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself?

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon.

Go, Johnny! Go! That's an order! Never! Zoidberg doesn't abandon a friend, apparently.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad! No one move.

You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor? Aye. Aye. Duh, okay.

Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans.

He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

Having to wear a costume made from a hollowed-out walrus.

I'm scared. Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game.

They used to be such peaceful birds. I suppose this was your doing. Yep, it's like I taught 'em. If it ain't black and white, peck, scratch and bite. Now, to take off my tuxedo. Guys, it's me, your lovable dictator.

Ow! You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover. Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard.

I, sir, am the master of the hunt, and I'll thank you to behave like a gentleman. You're quite welcome, sir. (BELCHES) Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh!

No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

Fire direct marketing algorithm! Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

Interesting. It's as if we all behave normally during the time skips, but then we have no memory of it. - You mean we just-- - My, yes! Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum?

Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn.

I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite.

Where did Qbert come from? 12 years ago, I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back.

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person...

Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh!

Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man. Ah, that must be my old boss. Hello, Leela. You're fired. I know.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood!

That's normal. Next patient! Hmm. He's a witch! Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently? No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop?

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy! I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar. I'll get your daughter back, sir. I swear.

Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other? Guenter is my experiment. He was the top-secret contents of this stinking crate.

from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Uh... (GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic.

"I love you." Mm. Too conventional.

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

(GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (HOOF BEATS APPROACHING) Shh! It's a herd of night watchmen.

I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Mmm... farewell.

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

How did we manage to survive? What gave us those strange powers? Maybe we're all wearing magic rings. But they're invisible rings, so we don't even realize it! Also, you can't feel the rings. Fry! Shut up and look at this! "May cause superpowers in humans."

Well, yeah. But basically, you'd just be a publicity stunt. I figure a one-eyed lady skullbuster might bring out the freak-show crowd.

So, we're in international waters? Indeed so. Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested. Hey, guess what you're accessories to.

BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows!

And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know. The point is, do you even know any actual folk songs?

Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort. Mr. Fry, I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the paleontologist who discovered your dog.

(TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway.

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why?

She must be sacrificed but the rest of you shall be spared. Boo! Boo!

Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash!

Requisition me a beat.

We've been monitoring our Nielsen families carefully. And during the 12 seconds Bender was on-screen, viewer eyeball focus was up 90%. But, sir, children watch this show. Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger!

I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him.

Michelle! Oh, my God.

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender.

Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area.

All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed. (BEEPS) (WHIRRING)

This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years. It keeps the heads alive, but we don't know how. Why did it give us those hallucinations? Because it didn't! Yeah-uh. Opal has unusual temporal properties. It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble.

Aw, you. I've booked us all on the maiden voyage of the largest, most luxurious space cruise ship ever built. The Titanic. Looks nice.

When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

I mean, you failed, miserably,

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show. Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.

No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am?

The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood. Mmm.

I underestimated you, medical crab.

I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

Dog food, you say? Man, that dog's gonna be hard to beat. Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good.

Well, let's put it to a vote, then.

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about some bimbo lawyer? It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there.

That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us. Amy has a point. Mr. Peppy's not like Zoidberg. He's my friend. Aw...

Unless you have to. Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H.

that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger, more extreme cooking show viewer. Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

You know, I'm not sure. I guess I thought whales died when you harpooned them. Ah! Don't worry. I'll drop the anchor.

And the winner is... Destructor! I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster.

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

Kill all penguins.

BOTH: Mmm... A secluded table, some big giant ants, and thou. Oh! Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you?

Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf.

Ah! And, so in honor of his record-breaking catch I'm proud to award Bender this check for $1,000.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance. Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours?

My God. It's full of ads.

It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap! You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown.

Yes, but not by enough. Score! This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures.

No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me.

We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies. It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied.

How was the wedding, Bender? Says who? I didn't witness anything! In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon, was brutally clamped yesterday by an unknown assailant. Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it.

Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here.

You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet?

Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain,

Pardon me. Did I overhear you say you used to live here? That's right. Did you know Andy Goldman? Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him! Get outta here! What's Andy up to these days? The short answer is, I'm teaching.

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

That was incredible! You are the bravest dads in the entire trauma center! You guys almost had him until he digested you. Oh. You're good kids. If I could feel anything right now, it would be pride. Owww! Aaah! I was wrong!

Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola.

You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin. Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you!

My God. It's full of ads. Whoo!

Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there?

Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my!

Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

You go fight biggest brain of all. Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know. Hmm.

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news. I regret ever running him over.

Ooh, love, I love it so Ooh, love, you're sweeter Sweeter than sugar Ooh, love, I won't let you go

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones. How're ya doin', kid? There ya go. Two one-day mutant surface passes. Thank you, Mayor Poopenmayer.

For true privacy and solitude, visit Casa Ysolata Eco-Resort. From the moment our automated shuttle picks you up, you'll be totally alone. With no employees and just a single well-appointed bungalow, Casa Ysolata caters to only one couple at a time.

Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one.

We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl. No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you! Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker. But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for--

Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.

Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee!

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater! (GASPS)

Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii, Chris Travers! (CROWD CHEERING) He won the nomination!

Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist.

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working.

Make Bender take a nap in a tube! Come back when I've had some sleep, baby.

- Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender. That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch to discuss my Hollywood dreams.

You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do...

Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards?

There's all kinds of robots down there. Yeah. Doing crap work. They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child?

Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are... BENDER: Faster! Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em!

Lrrr! Put a stop to this right now! Okay! Okay! Quit nagging!

Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent.

Do the robot, baby!

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought. I'm a natural. The information we need will be here, in the physical files.

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

You gotta do what you gotta do.

Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner.

Mr. Vogel? Remember me? Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you! You used to say that all the time. Ah! Those were happier days.

(GROWLS) (BOTH GASP) Ladies and gentlemen and smizmars,

Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent.

FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you.

Yes, but no more so than your squamous dorsal plates in the moonlight. (SHUDDERS) I am experiencing arousal. My organs are moving into position.

Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover. (SIGHS) Fine. You'll get your cut. I don't really care about the money anyway.

(ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING) So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself.

Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times. (SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture.

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land.

You fool! You will be transported to the other universe with us, trapped there for all eternity! And we'll form a tightly knit clique that you won't be part of! Well, at least I did one important thing with my life-- leading good to victory over evil. Hurrah! Yea! Exactly!

What? It's still on? Oh! As chief negotiator, I speak for all of Earth when I mourn the regrettable loss of the Omicronian young. We share your pain.

That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

Save him! Save my son, oh, Metal Lord! This looks like a job for God.

You're all terrible and incompetent. I resent that.

I am Darth Stroyer. Darth Stroyer? That's the stupidest name I've ever heard. Let's hear the rest. Darth Trocious. Darth Sploder. Darth Urderer. Darth It-head.

Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it!

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending. This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built.

Single female lawyer

(SNIFFS) (WRETCHES) It's even worse!

I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is. Nope. Pretty, though. Hey, hey, wait... It's doing something. I'll protect you. Hi... Ow!

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach.

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity.

then who are we to judge? Amen!

I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (CHUCKLING) Fortunately, I came prepared with a back-up phrasing. Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them.

Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark. Where'd it go? Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron.

Okay. Bender has her distracted. Now I can shut down her brain by deactivating the carbonated logic matrix. Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it.

And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society!

If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud. Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one! Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years. So many memories.

(DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time. I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters. I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"?

Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy. That's nice.

This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa! A blank wall! Fame is mine!

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose.

(LEELA READING)

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir! Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff.

Oh-ho! I've got you now. Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae?

Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up.

Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do.

Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you.

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

I'll have to ask you to clear out now. The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big--

No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald. What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay.

My God! Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man! It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie. Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon. (CHUCKLING) Oh!

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Remember Fry's idea to offer free delivery? It got us a lot of customers. We're a delivery company! If you want to save this company, you should listen to a woman's idea for once. Okay. What do you got? An airline. Yeah! What? We should become a commercial airline. I mean, we've got a ship,

I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING) (TRAIN HONKING)

Leela, do me a solid and pick up the next space hitchhiker you see. You going to Andromeda or thereabouts? No, sir, but how would you like to be part of an exciting business retreat?

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread.

Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot. Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Ooh!

That's a full-time job.

FRY: Girlie calendar? Great idea, Amy. Okay, then. Leela, Amy, come to work topless tomorrow.

Fancy cigar? Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff! Go, go, go, go, go!

Like a cheap French harlot. French?

You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

Quick! We can escape through that nasal capillary into the sinus. Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy. I learned it from a decongestant commercial. "Soothing action, action, action, action."

It wasn't supposed to do any of those things.

His legend lives on!

You can count on us, Professor. We'll get that monument here in time... ALL: Hooray! ...or die trying. What?

Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer.

Today, I've personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony. Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove. This is terrible!

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you.

At last... war has made me into a man. Whee!

You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS)

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

- to be more annoying. - Oh-ho-ho. Nothing simpler. And all I ask in return is your hands... to replace these bony hot dogs. Grabby and Squeezy? Never! I love these guys! Well, is there anything else you would part with? No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

(ALL BOOING) Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack.

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops. No! I can't stand to look!

no one else take my place you need me, you do forever and ever we are baby love child I'll take you so high groovy love child

Mom, Dad, I know this is weird, but-- Yeah, yeah. We don't care how squishy alien get pregnant. All we care is we have grandchild now. You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong. Hey, you call her "Grandma" now. Call me Grandma like crazy-- all the time.

How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got? Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy.

The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump

Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him! Get outta here! What's Andy up to these days? The short answer is, I'm teaching. He seemed nice. Sure, when he's sober.

By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Every single night while he's sleeping. (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) Who sent you? Why are you dressed like Fry? 'Cause I'm Fry. Oh, Fry, you old paranoid kook. What can I get you?

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait!

Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first.

I suggest Gorgak, the previous appointee. I will be a forceful and effective administrator. You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister. I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head.

And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING)

Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons. It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life. Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep!

(WHIMPERS) (THUDDING)

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No.

No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

He can't be lyin', boss. Not after a Krantzing like that. All right. Then I'm afraid we must kill you and dispose of your body in the nearest dumpster. This one we're in seems pretty close. (SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

Oh, uh, hey, Fry. So, as Leela was saying Fry can go shove-- Ow! I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to introduce you to my on-again, off-again girlfriend of the past thousand years Michelle. Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor.

I say, get the hell off me.

on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time?

See you at din-din. I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha!

(LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him! (SOBBING)

How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know. Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie.

We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert. Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it.

So telleth, Bender-- What hath happened to your body? I hocked it. Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Same reason you hocked your teeth. Ah, booze money. I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God, I loved it.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

(ALL SNORING) (THUD) (ALL EXCLAIM) What? Huh? I guess we're here. Let's make the delivery. FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes! The ship did everything? But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company.

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer.

written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts!

But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style.

Son of a fish! Jumping is for suckers. I'm good! Who wants a piece of me? I'll try a bite!

Professor, you did it. You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor.

When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect, keeping sensible harems of no more than five. And it begins with me. Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach! (ALL GASP) Aw... (LAUGHS)

No, thanks. We're delivering e-waste.

You just say that because you're primitive.

You, sir, have defaced a national treasure. I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory! All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about.

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now. (HONKING)

It's the professor! To the flying machine!

Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie, so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene. The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. And action! Take back your gilded pen, Father.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip.

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do!

You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes.

Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there.

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem.

Wake up, my king. Oh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic.

He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling,

Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep! And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby--

Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go.

You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time.

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me! Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah!

What do you say? First one to a million followers wins a buck. You're on! (EXCLAIMS) Send.

Bender is falling! Whoa!

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What?

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry

On top of everything, I'm starving.

Got it. Peace with honor. Well, I resign again. Come, Nixon.

BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT)

On Earth, everybody is always looking for a giant squid. On my planet--

It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages,

I'm enjoying the casino business.

Find that apple. It's down there somewhere. (SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA.

Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law. Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel. (ALL SCREAMING)

in 2003 and then again in 2063.

How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo?

You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot.

Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes-- theft of money. As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank... what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime? Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy,

Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Quick, into the ship's panic room! I didn't know we had a panic room. Me, neither. It really could have come in handy, like, 50 times. We'll be safe in here.

Atlanta was a city, landlocked hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean.

spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know. Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner.

Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following.

Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks,

MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

What's the matter? You scared?

As for me, I'm somewhat interested myself. What are you saying? I've never been good with words-- which is why I'm in such a delicate conundrum. Will you go out with me this Sunday? Sure! I don't know what else to say, so I'll just say it. Okey-dokey, see you then.

Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold!

join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

Of all the zoos we've been to today, I like this one the best. Bender, which is your favorite nocturnal rat? Eh, they're all pretty unimpressive. Oh, honey, look! The tapirs! It says here the babies lose their Pajama-like coat after their first year.

(GASPS) Sweet file-not-found of Puget Sound. His record's been blanked.

- Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction?

"These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate.

Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams.

if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself. Professor Katz's last name is Katz. Do you think he has something to do with these cats? The conclusion is as inescapable as it is moronic.

According to Google Hive,

Halt! Be you robot or human? Robot... we be. Uh, yep. just two robots out roboting it up. Eh?

Hmm, need any help taking off? I'M fine, thank you. A real pilot can navigate by feel alone. That's coming out of your pay.

I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough.

The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it.

Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch.

Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender, and I'm a huge fan of your work, both on and off the court. Can I be a Globetrotter? Shut up, turkey. - Ooh. - Bubblegum, look at this.

Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen! Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end! Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

I was just an innocent suck-up! You've got to believe me!

No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

Uncle Vladimir!

Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it.

Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes. Cut! Okay, now do one with the bean suit on.

Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

Hey, buddy, I'm from the same time as you.

(BOTH EXCLAIM) FRY: It went kersplitters. Fry, I don't need a diamond. You've given me the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough.

Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma. Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps.

But I like being old! I don't have to talk to my parents. No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms. Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

Because I-- I--

He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me.

(ALL EXCLAIM) We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that!

I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers.

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Ow! Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

Fire! "My, what a handsome energy creature you are.

I'll kill you, my friend! Ahhh!

Vintage Bubblegum! The time skips are worse than ever now. Isolated spots are jumping by years at a time. Look! Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money! Well, I'm stumped.

How many roads must a man walk down Before you--

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

You can shove your apology into the bottom of your one-way digestive system. Now, see here! We assured our sons that you'd accept their apology. Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have!

Giant beans? They must be worth a fortune! These babies are the jewels of the bean kingdom. But since you're in a jam, I'll trade 'em for that ship of yours.

30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

Hey, we were watching that!

Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke. Send in my science advisor. Wernstrom! Well, well, well.

Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use...

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it.

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere. Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly... - Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one.

BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000?

Once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits while he was in the bathtub. So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay.

Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

(GASPS) Nothing! But it does say a great cataclysm will destroy the world in the year 3012! The world? That's where I live! Told you it'd say something about me. So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

Whoa! Faster! Faster! Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mama.

But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT)

Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me.

At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all. Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not.

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you... With my final breath.

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

"Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked.

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Too much information.

Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside.

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead?

The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll

It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say.

I'm smellier than a whorehouse's outhouse! That's terribly vivid. Doesn't matter to me though, I was born with no sense of smell. Really? My name's Marianne. Hello, you! (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Thanks to you, I lost my bet with the Borax Kid. Never bet against me being stupid. ROCK ALIEN: Enough!

I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned... from my mutual breakup with Sean that was totally mutual, it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again. Trust me. You can't change men...

Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested.

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures.

Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid! If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge.

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. Slurm her!

I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be!

Quiet! Quiet, I say!

That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough. You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence!

Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine. KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner.

Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again.

Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest!

We'll deliver that package or die trying. Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious.

What a wonderful nighttime sneezing, coughing, stuffy head, so-I-can-rest dessert! This really is lovely, Fry. Thank you.

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

Thank you. That song doesn't usually last three hours, but we got into a serious thing, and then I forgot how it ended.

Now, here's my opinion.

Thursday, baby shower-- enter. Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode. To motherhood.

Daddy Bender, we're hungry!

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones?

Helmut Spargle. He used to be the greatest chef ever. His restaurant was so high-tone, the only way to get reservations... was to create a parallel universe where you already had reservations. Yep. I once et there back when I what was a senator. Yo, Spargle. If you're such a great cook, how'd you end up in this dump?

And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING)

erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed.

Arguably, this could be a good thing.

(DOGS BARKING) (WHIMPERING) (SIREN WAILING)

Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon! It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion. I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows! If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die!

I guess what I'm saying is, the next time you almost die, I want it to be as my wife. (GASPS) The clam, Elzar. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry?

My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES)

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either. I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy!

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There. Who are you people?

(GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea.

Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face. Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

What's death-rolling? It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

Good news, everyone. We have a mission to further the noble cause of intergalactic peace. Nope. Watching cartoons. Sorry.

You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.

Activating anti-fungal ray.

Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery? I love killing people--

All right. What else we got?

The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity.

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business.

I thought I'd take you someplace ordinary. A place no one could object to. That sounds wonderful. I'd like an extra-beautiful bouquet, for my extra-gorgeous sweetheart.

Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike and junk. Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you.

Since 2008, the vault has preserved seeds of every known plant species, in case of extinction. And I brought a few seeds of my own. (BARKING) Halt! What's your business pokey-poking about the seed vault? Guardian of mankind's precious botanical heritage there?

Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there!

Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization. Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes.

Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING)

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped.

Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste. What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue.

Uh, your present may need some assembly.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

(BLOWS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

Thank you, Hermes. I don't know. It seems like a lot of trouble to cut off your arm just to snake a drain. It's not just a drain snake.

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray!

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead?

The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no!

All right, a tie! I win again! I'm a scuzzball. Don't feel bad. At least you're not Leela. A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped.

Yes, but Robonia sounds like something somebody made up on the spot. Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

You seem a tad wound up, buddy.

No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it?

I'll kill you! Oh! Ah... prewar scotch. Welcome, Lieutenant Bender. You're looking sharp. I got wheels with clickety clackers.

Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die. Hmm. Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks.

Professor Katz, we want answers! I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly. (SCREAMS) He's dead!

You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return. Wow. A whole planet of old people. Where is it? Nobody knows.

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell.

And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING)

You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

Sounds like a party, baby! Ooh, yeah!

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs.

Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

What crawled up his Geritol? Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past. Lady, all of human history happened in your past! (LAUGHS) Ah, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up?

I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship.

Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker.

Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please! Of course, any age-reversing effects will be purely temporary--

No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face. Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music?

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam! Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst?

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry? Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't--

Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender.

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one!

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me. Thank you, Hubert. (WHOOPING)

Thanks, Colonel. Just doing my job, ma'am. (RINGING DOORBELL) (SOBBING) Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole.

So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificent bastard,

Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught.

- Naturally! - Let him go!

Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head.

Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender! Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here.

Fry! Thank God we found you. Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days. Uh, by the way, I broke your bed.

Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball?

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show? Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough? (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits.

I just wanted to be popular. Ow! Where are we? And why is the Slurm pouring into this sewer? This isn't Slurm at all.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories.

Bender, are you okay? What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

Dear God, you brought back the bone vampire? The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries. Aye, until MacZongo here shot 'em all into extinction, he did. Now we've got more livestock than we can slaughter. Aye, 'tis a bonnie time to be an ignorant villager.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman.

We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations,

The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy.

The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

(MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright!

Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock.

Bender, enough! Leave me alone!

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

Oh! Hurry! We've gotta think of another way to save Bender, or Xmas will be ruined. Especially for Bender. Look out, Earth.

I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness. So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg. You were saying?

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards!

Sweden? I don't think so!

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that? Not the magnet. No! No! No!

We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING)

You mean-- I'm sorry. You'll have to get a new one. Poor Bender. Well, let's drag him to the curb. Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend. We can't just dump him in the gutter like Grandma's ashes.

And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo!

We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future.

Oh. So... how's business? Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore? I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right.

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone.

My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

Granted, all that makes perfect sense. But why is this death sphere destroying planets? That makes the most sense of all. Look at the planets it's destroyed so far.

Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

Now it's personal.

One more lap! Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap.

Professor, have you gone mad?

Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry?

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap.

when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

What goes down must back up.

Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable.

My life is over.

Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party!

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you.

Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow.

I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia,

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it!

Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy!

Mmm. That's crisp. Yes, but no more so than your squamous dorsal plates in the moonlight. (SHUDDERS) I am experiencing arousal. My organs are moving into position.

Shalom free food. No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it.

Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt."

Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

No. I give you the twit-worm! Send. I'm sick of my head doing things.

Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him.

It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

Oh, really? Tell that to your old friend, the giant. (SCREAMS) Where is he? Oh, God, he's invisible now! Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan. Aha! You see?

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

Somebody won big at Skee-Ball! You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah!

We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me.

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi. No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do.

My fellow fish monsters, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why?

Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

I know. I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point. Let the games begin! So I told Leela "Your request for a date is most flattering "but I must decline. "These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife."

Hey, I hope you folks like Cajun food... Hoo-wee! 'cause today we're making Elzar's down-home Neptune-style gumbo. Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo. Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up.

We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth!

She is not with me.

(MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk? Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood. Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again. Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go!

A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president. That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw.

He's picking his nose! Get him!

I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop.

(SIGHS) and finally death?

Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait. I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here.

This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment.

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah.

Is he dumb or just ugly?

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend... Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah. Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech.

(CAGE CLANGS SHUT) Here's my new theory: That is one adorable cat.

No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology.

What the hell kind of plane is that?

Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little.

Apology accepted. just don't let it happen again. She means you, you turkey of the sea! Me, apologize? Never! I came to this planet to learn the meaning of freedom! But I say it's you who should get a nice lesson! So do your worst, because no punishment...

Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well. I wouldn't mind rubbing my success in a few choice faces. Set a course for adventure!

No. Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms.

(GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads. Someone must have used my press while I was poking around in Charlotte.

But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

Where did they go?

And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time. All three of you.

What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

ANNOUNCER: Final boarding call for Flight 38 to the Amish Home World. As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns. I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy.

I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job.

Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know.

I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours.

(GASPING) No, wait, I'm afraid to die. Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no. I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out.

(GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg. You need an alien hacked to pieces, he's the best there is, in the budget category. Have you ever dissected a Yeti before? (SNICKERS) Himalayan or Neptunian? Tritonian. (GASPS) A Tritonian Yeti? You two aren't up to anything unethical, are you?

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady.

Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything!

Ready for processing! What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

And that it would be in New jersey? Actually... We know all your sins, Bender and for each one, we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen? Aw, crap-- singing.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them. Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance.

(CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal!

- Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom.

When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender.

Look! A starling!

Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety. Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

It's someone in whom I have great faith even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing. My closest living relative... Oh, yeah. My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date!

Quick! We can escape through that nasal capillary into the sinus. Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy. I learned it from a decongestant commercial. "Soothing action, action, action, action."

It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles. That's funny.

Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why!

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried. Thank you, Bender. You brought me right to the lava pit.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV.

Cool. It's just like the good old days. Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too. Learning is fun.

Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human!

and I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? What's the point?

FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream.

(SNEEZES) Uh-oh! - What the... - (GASPS) Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic.

But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that!

I've already decided. Dad... when I grow up, I want to be just like you. Oh, don't worry, son. You will. Incidentally, you might want to read up on a condition known as wandering bladder. Why?

(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) The whole adventure was just a training exercise to teach you the value of teamwork. (CHUCKLING) Hmm. I should be mad, but it worked pretty well. You were really brave, Leela. And you seriously nailed that thing with your golf shot.

It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer. Can't you just dissect my brain? With the building shaking like this? No chance. Hold out your arm. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Wow!

That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

Me too. Me too. jerk.

(GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in. You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh!

I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interested in any of these gross, ugly losers! What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air? How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore.

Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No! Fry, having guessed what animal I was thinking of you shall have first choice of weapon.

Good news, everyone! Our safe new ship has arrived, and it's gonna knock your socks on, where they belong. Ta-da! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL MURMURING) Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship.

Ah... Again, again.

a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage.

You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm! I'm afraid he's gone.

Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

So do your worst, because no punishment... could be bigger than denying me my freedom! You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish. Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional.

Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum.

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING) No! You, sir, are a heartless monster, and you will rue the day you met me. Also, can I get my parking validated?

She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela.

Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho!

You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier. I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system.

I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

(GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out.

The planet's "kerploding." Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back.

Lrrr demands the comfort of pop-psychological platitudes!

You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin.

That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair. But Fry-- His jacket-- And when I woke up, it was on me! You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it!

The good news is, they can't start breeding. The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually.

The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too.

Bender can't be Santa.

Well, Ben Franklin, my fellow son of liber-tea kettles. Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy... And "H" and "I" are monograms you can put on those kettles.

It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends, so we can commemorate this moment in a photo. (ALL CHEERING) I got to admit, this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture. Say, "Bender is great." ALL: Bender is great!

Aye! We're hitched up tighter than Davey jones's U-Haul. At ease, men. I am at ease. Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS)

How 'bout I help you finish that dream you were having about me?

da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi.

due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love. And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people.

Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah! Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela!

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela.

I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy. Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

Daisy, daisy Give me your answer, do I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you it won't be A stylish marriage

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead!

Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man.

My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here. Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser.

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

You drank our emperor!

But where can we find a substance the exact density and consistency as garbage? Alas, I don't know. Uh, what about garbage? Good lord! A second ball of garbage.

Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about?

You know, standing up to me is pretty manly. I'll tell you what, sport. I'll kill him for you. Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died! (GASPS) T.! (SOBS) (BOTH SOB)

I remember this from when we were kids. The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat. I'm Albert. Kind of fatty. Then how 'bout this little number? Purebred human. - No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh--

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING) (BABY CRYING)

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

You've damaged your brain, Universe--

Squid attack! Hit the deck! (ALL SCREAM) We're back, baby. And we brought you a little something. (ALL EXCLAIM) It's okay. Leela's just changed a little. More than a little. She's beautiful!

At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it.

Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender.

Hold on to your helmet. Whoa! Oh, boy. Yes!

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections!

We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little. It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on!

Are you two gonna be done soon?

It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past. I'm rich. I can live whenever I want.

Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes! He looks radiant. Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed.

Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic. So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing.

Fine-lookin' eats.

'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card! Did we go too far? What time is it?

Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv! You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you.

I said that's enough. Get her purse! Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you.

Planet Express. Our crew is replaceable, your package isn't.

Fry, I'm writing here. Do you have to play that? Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch.

(SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Fifteen miners are now confirmed trapped in the sun. If rescue doesn't come soon, they may never again not see the light of day. - Linda? - (LAUGHS) The situation is grim, Morbo.

I love it even more than I love my seven wives.

That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die!

I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight...

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do.

Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know. The point is, do you even know any actual folk songs?

Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook,

Is it anteater number two?

One more hit, and we're done for! Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows! If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will!

Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death--

And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

Uh-huh. Listen, Leela, I'd love to catch up. What do you say we split a free drink at the robo bar? They've got unlimited pretzels. Put a little peanut butter on there, they really fill you up. Well, it has been a while. Is it okay with you, Fry? Sure, that'd be great. I'll just sit here and feed the mosquitoes. (MOSQUITOES WHINING)

it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix.

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew!

Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew.

Don't want to. Rather nice, living under the Crown and so forth. Rather. (EXCLAIMS) What's more, couldn't go back even if we wanted to. No more crystalline opal left in all the world, don't you know? My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit.

Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food. I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300! I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Follow me. According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse.

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh!

These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb?

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer.

Also... Yuck! Zapp doesn't care about my mom. He's just doing this to get to me. Don't worry, Leela. Your mom won't see Zapp much. He's in space all the time. (RINGING) Guess what, honey. Zapp hired me as his personal translator. I'll be with him all the time. In space.

(ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here, but we desperately need you back.

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy!

So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation.

Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

One, two! one, two, three!

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Good night, dumb prince.

So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good? Looking like that he talked his way into jill St. john's bed. 'Nuff said.

but only to prove I'm not just a paper-pushing file jockey. Will you be taking your portable filing cabinet? None of your beeswax. I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy.

Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her."

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

Now I'll never get there. You went there this morning for doughnuts. "First person on Mars." Oh, so your brother was that Philip J. Fry. I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends!

Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish... so we can impress the neighbors. Yes, sir. I'm on it! Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you.

Thank you. There you are. Good as new, except for your dorsal Fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living.

It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this.

Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up! So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING) So? What do you think of my comic?

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society! In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do.

Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too.

common cold and... Um, uh... Squidification? If you say so. Wait a second. How could beans possibly cure her? Because they're magic! They fell from the sky! Oh, now you tell me!

I've become bitter and, let's face it--

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

(SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose. Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade. (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) We can dip left slide right all night

YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility. Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life. You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift--

Aha! Cornered. Whew! Whew!

This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you... With my final breath. I came here with a simple dream--

But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister." Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

The backwards time machine still won't have arrived

Do you have any more of that candy? No, but I have a toy Earth. Home.

Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back. (ALL GASPING) Pops.

I've got everything I want right here. I'm bored! Let's go.

(GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer.

Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second, you'll explode and kill everyone here in a fireball of melted gears and splattered bowels!

And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole!

Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence? No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game. Now let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex Fourteen, okay? Leela, you've got mail.

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever! Fire!

to toy with my emotions.

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains. Of course. Why didn't I think of that?

And with the polls now closed in every time zone worldwide, from Tomorrowland to the Republic of Yesterday,

You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning.

Mine is called a droid-el and it's rigged to make you pay Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins? Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther. Why with the music so loud?

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life.

I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend?

The name of the game is Candyland.

Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas. It should say, "Top-quality Exercycle for sale." And could you put "top-quality" in bold? You can't? Okay, whatever.

Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it. I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me.

FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

What is this, high school? Locker check. Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom. Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor.

That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on.

Pervert. Yoo-hoo! Oh. Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong.

Decisions I made

Impressive. My family has been making these hearts since the 1900s. Tastes may have changed, but our secret recipe sure hasn't.

Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified.

she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes.

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out!

My God, one of the hundreds of contradictory prophecies is coming true. I should've known better than to trust one of Fry's romantic gestures. Every time he says he loves me, I get killed.

An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING)

God, I loved it. I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love-- Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong.

Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth. And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime.

So, how do we get their life forces back? If we poke a hole in Cobb's bag, will they spew out like a volcano built on an Indian graveyard? Alas, it's not that simple. You see, just as the Earth lichen is composed of an algae and a fungus, the quantum variety is also composed of two separate parts.

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo.

(DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time.

Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good!

in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here?

Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth.

Beth said that?

Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty.

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh.

when performed by my ancestor, Art. Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me

Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING)

Bender, you're a genius. This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty. Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present.

Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. The stupid professor didn't even show up for me. I'd just like to thank my awesome parents. We love you, Johnny! Shh! Now, to get all serious.

No offense, Zoidberg,

That's great. What's the little guy's name?

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired! So you're a common bending robot, with a human peasant roommate? Oh, crap, that is what I am! No, Bender, I envy you.

Fry. Everything's cool.

No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

Come on! Yes! Front row! You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you! But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future! But it's set 800 years in the past.

No, I guess it keeps going. There we go. My God! The senile old man is right! Do you mean him or me? - Him. - Oh.

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

That's not how it happened.

There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot!

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell. Hmm. I don't like the looks of this V-GINY.

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

the right to marry who or what we want! ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! Every other couple has the right to marry. Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary,

Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag.

Aw. You're homesick, aren't you, T.?

Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

Stop eating Popplers!

Yay! Versus The Foreigner.

That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson.

Free soda for all humans!

What the-- We missed! Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you...

That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet.

I need you to help me save Xmas. Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage,

What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh! I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive. - But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela.

Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace, so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying?

whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger.

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"? State your business.

Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please.

I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know.

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back! Ow! (GRUNTING)

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a...

(GASPS) How did you do that? Ah-ah-ah. A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o. That guy stinks. (CROWD CLAMORING)

Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm,

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on.

(ALL HONKING) (SIGHS) The open road! Not a ship ahead of me. (ENGINES REVVING)

(GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing. I was just playing foosball. By myself. I thought I told you to kill those foos. (RUSTLING IN CLOSET) LRRR: Hmm... Let's just have a look in the toy closet, shall we?

I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

That's the world's greatest robot artist-- Vincent Van Gobot. He was built without an ear but then he went crazy and had one installed.

This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started. Raise the main ladder!

Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits? No, I think it's self-explanatory. No!

I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through? It got through, Fry. It got through. You could really use a shower. You too.

This is Father-Man. He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working? This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective? I could make a better mural with my butt! Father-Man away.

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again!

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network. Aye, aye, sir.

What's all this cat hair on my sweater?

What up? Stick to the oath. Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist

You got a death wish, Professor. Something must've happened in your life that hurt you, just like us.

Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that! I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Let it ride! (ALL GASP)

Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy!

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive.

Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex. Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more!

The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer. You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here.

Arguably, this could be a good thing. The planet has returned to its primeval state.

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something. It's time to shove a jalapeÑo up this ship's tailpipe.

Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa!

Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What?

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to.

They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean.

Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor.

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My." And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet... We don't have long.

How do you live with yourself?

She's all yours, buddy.

Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Look, are you going to rescue us or not? Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please... Big z.

Well, I'm bushed. Good night. Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up!

SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up!

That was great!

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back!

(CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you.

(RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic.

Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them. As we sail down the river of Slurm you'll see our mixologists at work.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What? I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl.

Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

Shh. They're usually here by now. Well, so long. Keep in touch. Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes. There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect. Is this clown on?

Don't take her out! She's a firecracker!

Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Ew! She's Scottish. I lance her every few months, but she always grows back. (WEEPING) It's hard enough being a Cyclops, but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated.

Hey, that's my brain! Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad.

Leela, my sweet, I've come to save you. I have a devious plan. Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo.

A hush comes over the crowd.

"Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check."

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Too bad it's a dump. Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real.

At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi. An alibi, huh? I don't feel good.

I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again.

It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute. Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out.

Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce.

In fact, Leela's been here before. When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment, keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs. The human exhibit has never been so popular,

his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot.

As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil.

So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do?

but with film, I still have the negative. Hurry, make a new print. I don't know how long I can distract Cobb's ego. Okay. I'll be in the darkroom. (YELLING) Eh... Contrast is a little off on this one.

Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try.

No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like--

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all?

Kif, I'd love to live with you... someday, but before then, there's still lots I wanna do on my own. What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

Okay, everyone, come and get it!

(BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy! Bender? I smell burning tusk. That's probably it. Kill the engine. (GRUNTING)

You are so disgusting. I--

Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you?

(ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS)

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter. Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every 10 seconds.

And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product.

One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant?

(ALL CHOKING) Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams.

Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago?

It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

Indeed. You see, that fossil was made of dolemite, the tough black mineral that won't cop out when there's heat all about. By contrast, observe the lava's effect on this ice swan.

- We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

(PIANO PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck. With the cards. (WHIRRING) And with the ladies. Whoa! Sir! But those are my arms! That's gropey and that's cheaty. Cheaty? (GUNS COCKING)

I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy?

It's booby-trapped! Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

Get the hell off my planet.

- Wow, that was great! - Hey, thanks. You a fan? I don't know. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck!

Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

Very distant. Not a true Farnsworth, mind you. He's way over here on this filthy branch riddled with fungus and dung beetles. (GASPS) What's with the 17 dung beetles?

Exactly. And now Saturn. Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express.

At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy. Earth! Indubitably. Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball.

And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh!

This guy sure loves porno.

No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah! DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins I've heard so much about? No, it's an old Volkswagen van. Hey, mister, mind if I take this old van? Sure. You want to dump the corpses out of theres, it's yourses. Yeah, yeah. I've gotten used cars before.

Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty.

You, too? Will you be my friend?

But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

(FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth.

Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING) This beat bangs Here's my chance

The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING)

Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING) (SCREAMING) (BABBLING INCOHERENTLY)

I do plan to finish someday, Kiff.

I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually identical components.

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun.

On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you. Thanks. But no one can give me what I really want. I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof. (MOANS)

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain?

Oh, crud. Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying.

except the rhythm. Yeah! Play those bongos. I'm gonna spin till I fall down! Whoo-oo-oo!

and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

Eww. What smells like boot feet?

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened!

Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon? You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours.

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here.

(CHUCKLES) Peace out, Portobello. Thank you, Leroy. I'm going to relax by the fire with my bag off, so that will be all for the night. By your command. Come to paparazzo.

and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it, all to keep our flag flyin' free.

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto. Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care...

I can't. I'm a vampire.

I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Women go free. Men stay in chains.

just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant.

Get out of here before you get caught. Bender, good news. Your album just went gold. What the...? It's the humans! Bender, do something! Got you, you murderous flesh-piles.

Release the giant sloth!

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way,

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

Catering. Oh-- Ohh. Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid.

What's happening? The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot. In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning.

Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

Edna. Edna, it's me, Zoidberg. Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor.

A feast is a feast.

I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Sleeping with you. Aha! Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue!

You're not stuck. Shut up. Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves!

It all start 30,000 year ago, in fertile Neander Valley. Life for our ancestors peaceful, until Homo sapiens arrive. We suggest interbreed, become one big happy species. But they treat us like second-class hominid.

They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPING)

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet! Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt. There's just no place for me in this world. Although, on the other hand...

Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

Hey, there, Amy. Like you to meet my buddy, joe. Sorry I'm late. My pool game ran long at the jazz club. Kids love him. Hmm!

Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops!

just do it! Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. I'm speaking to you from the hickory farms in Grover's Mall, New Jersey, through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm!

(CANNED LAUGHTER) Say, Fry, why do you always have the munchies? And also your eyes are bloodshot, you're paranoid, and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS)

You remind me of a young me.

(ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay. Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is.

Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham. What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now.

And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea.

There are still so many things I wanted to let go of! Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you. Zoidberg? (POPPING)

That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived! Take whichever one you want.

In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no! For the last time, I'm not obsessed.

(CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

One last foolish gesture? Uh...

Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that.

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue. What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change.

Funny, funny stuff.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) It's not Walking on Sunshine. It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown. What else is there? I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies. His name is Shazam. (BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this?

Yes, you are a cutie pie. Holy macaroni! I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot, and he's in focus. Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment. What is he doing with that?

I have love enough for two.

Professor, you did it.

Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did-- Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch--

So, you grow hemp. Yes.

Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa.

Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire.

And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go... There.

I am the whale! See? Ahhh!

Whoopsie-daisy.

You know, you look even hotter in infrared. Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades. I promise.

(BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt.

Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online. We are on line. But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry!

Hmm... mm... no.

People of Earth... Shh!

My God. It's full of ads. Whoo!

Bender, do something! Got you, you murderous flesh-piles. Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans.

We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh. Kif. Yes-- Ugh.

(HORN BLARING) Been up north (ALL GRUNT) Been down south (ALL GRUNT) Got a real weak back (ALL GRUNT) I got a real big mouth (ALL GRUNT) So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp,

I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh!

See you tonight, toots. (DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Lightspeed fits today's active lifestyle whether you're on the job or having fun. Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch.

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

is a miracle. Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old. Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life,

No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well. Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here I suggest Fry give me a nice convincing kiss. Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy.

Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it?

So long, Your Majesty.

"BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one!

Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome!

(COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

Did you hear that? She likes me.

(BEEPING) (HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING)

Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry! But then Nicolas Cage discovered the real treasure was his family. Yes, I'll hold.

Not all the beer. (CHEERING DRUNKENLY) Fahrvergnugen! Kaiser Permanente! Fruzen Gladje! Fry! You're embarrassing us!

Oh, my! And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

Please, just leave me alone. Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered, but you don't need a statue for that.

Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies!

Creeped out. Then it's decided! Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight.

We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right.

This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers.

HERMES: Listen up, people. As long as nothing happens for the next 15 minutes, our insurance will be reinstated. So, let's just sit quietly and run out the clock.

Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers! Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes.

We demand equal rights, equal access to the surface, and the blood of your first-born children. (SOFTLY) That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations. I've never been so moved, and I see no reason to begin now. Hobsie, flush those creatures back down the hole they crawled out of.

What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn. Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit.

Cut! Cut it! Ech! Yuck! Look. It's all right, kid. We'll get it in editing. All right. That's a wrap, everybody. I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is?

I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it.

I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

Who the hell are you?

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul!

Looky here. My first government stipend check.

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell. I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really?

I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days?

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay.

Let's recap what's happened so far. As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder,

And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night. Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh! Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper?

don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the-- You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine.

Now, gentlemen, I'm sure we can... Well, then. I'll just collect my winnings and be on my... Oh! Much obliged.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY)

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

And that name is-- Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv! You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What?

Smell you later. She's out. Then let's begin this delicate procedure.

I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all!

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

Your relationship would be over faster than you can say... (WRETCHES) Listen to Orange Joe.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that.

Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer.

I was going to eat that mummy.

(ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

This is the brass ring, fellas.

(RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty?

Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually... We know all your sins, Bender and for each one, we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen?

three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Always leave them wanting more. That's the secret. Ah! So, what do you say, RD? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show? Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough? (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

That won't stop me. Raise the solar sails! I'm going after that Mobius Dick! (ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to.

Well, it didn't work.

I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

(CHUCKLING) (ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney!

Ah, this thing stinks. We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk. I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty.

Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers. Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane. Come on, Fry. Let's go. Okay. See ya, Bender.

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell.

Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown! What? True. I've always dreamed of being an emperor. You know, for Halloween, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult. You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never!

Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send. Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send. Greetings, followers. This is day five of my solo kayak journey around the world. Send.

Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile. How ultra? Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours.

Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us. Why, Major MacZongo, why? It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire. The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub. I work there as a greeter. Your beast was my chance to be a hero again,

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot. just tell me why?

The fatso says you're free to go.

Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability,

(SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts.

(BOTH GASP) AMY: They actually built the planetary ratchet from my thesis!

You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy.

Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER) Bender was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun. (CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

Puny human number one, puny human number two,

Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards? Why are you so angry, Mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time.

You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots. Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter.

Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women-- The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment. For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan.

Here we go. Here we go! Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular--

Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

My doctorate is in art history. Let's see what's under The Last Supper. Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking!

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis!

versus Gender Bender, who wears a pink tutu. This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell here at ringside with George Foreman. George, a word in edgewise.

What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke.

Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela!

I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot.

Leela, you've got mail. It's not spam. Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss.

The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale! I am not the whale! All I wanted was to complete my delivery. Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale!

Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse. So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut!

Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow!

I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela.

- Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust.

Are you here to fumigate the moose head? Uh, no. Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back.

Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me

The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale! I am not the whale!

I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Oh, my! So, you see, the putrid, waxy substance I was coated with Was-- Not precious ambergris! Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place. Ta-dah! Using that, I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry.

put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket. Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished?

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage. This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman. Of course! Duh! It's an important unit.

What was that? A tar dolphin or a tar shark? It's some kind of hollow tube devoid of human life. The Los Angeles subway! We can blast our way in and escape! All right, but I still feel like having a shoe.

YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility.

I was supposed to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the thousandth anniversary screening of jury Duty 2. How come I'm not there? I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job. Me, too. Show time!

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay?

Hey, come out of there! I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in. But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet. Ooh. Sorry. What sorry? Our planet stinks. We all know it. Enough with the persecution, I'm saying.

Definitely probably not. Just sign this contract.

(BLOWS TRUMPET) The feast is served! Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like. Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples!

(ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me, but our mission is not complete--

If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm.

You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot?

I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend. Oh! Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

- Hey, guess who I just got off the videophone with? - No! My parents! They're coming up from the sewers for a visit Sunday. Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course.

Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you!

What a wondrous affirmation of our love and all from the touch of your hand. Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother?

Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'.

Where did they go?

Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled!

Where's Billy? Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender

We were defeated in battle. BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life.

The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here?

Ah... I can barely move. It's perfect!

The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas. Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil!

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag!

(ALL SCREAMING) FRY: My bowels returned at a bad time! I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups. (BEEPS) (BUBBLING)

Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

(WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know.

Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah!

(SCREAMS) I know! Let's outrun it! - There's a dam! - Damn!

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy.

The British are coming by land, by land. But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed.

it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true.

Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Bingo. Oh, mama.

we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts. My first mission. I'm so excited.

My God, he's become evil. I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine.

It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair.

Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

No one. And watch your language, young lady! Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either.

A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me.

Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Amy, no! It's too windy!

Crash landing! Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you!

Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience. Do you take credit cards? Let's find out. All right, environment. You've met your match.

You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want?

Whew! Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards. You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy.

and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

Lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift, and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics. We'll deliver that package or die trying. Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow!

There is no such thing as space aliens! Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us? I'll tell you how! Because you are one! (ALL GASP)

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die!

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah?

Could you repeat that last part?

Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million.

Anything? No. Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee! Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

(DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end. I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what? My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to gloat before you tonight as your next president.

Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people.

although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas. It should say, "Top-quality Exercycle for sale."

All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps.

Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think. They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left.

Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood!

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed.

Where's the hunt master? Remember when you said "nobody leave" and then you turned your head briefly? He left an hour before that.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Let the contest begin!

By the Bard's quill! I'm alive! (ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science!

Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy.

Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth! (SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

- Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry.

What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund. Well, as long as we're being honest,

Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

From the moment our automated shuttle picks you up, you'll be totally alone. With no employees and just a single well-appointed bungalow, Casa Ysolata caters to only one couple at a time. So act now! The perfect getaway awaits! That sounds great!

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Ah, now I can see what I'm doing. Commence the operation! Terminate the operation. LaBarbara? Dwight? I just got an urgent text from little Hermes. You can't do this thing. You don't even know whose brain that is. It doesn't matter.

(GASPS) I found it! I don't understand. There's no Earth certificate in here. TRAVERS: No, there isn't. (ALL GASP) I told you not to look. So, you're not from Earth after all. Of course I'm from Earth. Wait a second. There's no Earth certificate,

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you. Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs.

It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name?

In the event there are two killers, police are offering an unusual deal... Total immunity for the one who turns in the other, plus a double reward of $2 million.

(ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt! Stop! What are ye doing? We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk. Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no.

This grim scene of unimaginable carnage is brought to you by Fishy joe's. Try our new extreme walrus juice. 100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus. Ladies and gentlemen the Omicronians!

What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all.

One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about.

You Latins are so hot-blooded. This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell. Aw.

Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries. Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class.

I guess what I'm saying is, the next time you almost die, I want it to be as my wife. (GASPS) The clam, Elzar. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry?

You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

What is this, high school? Locker check.

I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted! I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face! (GASPS) It's another soda baby! (ALL GASPING) Damn.

Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again. Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg.

That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy.

I just want to find him for Gram-gram and Shabba-doo's sake.

Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner? I didn't run off.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

(BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth!

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

I'll miss you, buddy. You've been like a brother, and then a sister, to me. And now you're getting married. I love you, man. The marriage is a scam. Cool. What's for dinner?

some kind of blob monster, and Petunia! The extra clicking you'll hear is gonna be my hip.

I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions.

Also, good news, everyone! We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld. (SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum?

And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Work his gut. I like it tender. Maybe that planet over there has a drive-thru. A Burger jerk or a Fishy joe's or a Chiseler or something. Don't get your hopes up. We're a billion miles from nowhere. Yeah, it's probably only got a Howard johnson's.

(JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly.

to the home for criminally insane humans.

You've got a degree in bologna.

It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies.

Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay.

Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No! Central filing? Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20. Where is it? I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here.

To my loyal butler "You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS) I'll make this simple. Our money or your life.

You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well.

We both know there's something there. No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face. Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

That one grabbed his behindus. Shh! Who dares laugh at the jesters of dunk? We came to terrify and humiliate you, not tickle your funny bones. Watch as I embarrass your civilization... by passing the ball to Curly joe...

Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to... At last, a chance to realize my brand-new dream of being the greatest tap dancer in all the world. Well, in a three-block radius. Of all time!

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it. Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me.

Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos. Amy, that man is a criminal. I'm just checking out his tats.

Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

- Mmm. - Mmm. See you later, wuv-ums. It would've been nice if you'd told me you were going out with Amy.

A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man,

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know. I got nervous, and I started thinking about neck bolts. Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like--

(EXCLAIMS) That's the worst thing I've ever seen!

Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc.

I think it's moving. Hmm. Perhaps the computer can calculate its trajectory. My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us with enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater! We have less than 72 hours.

Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away? It's time to kick some shiny metal ass!

NARRATOR: Far beneath the everyday rumble of limousines and poodle feet, there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class.

buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe. So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit!

There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair. There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma!

But somewhere among these trillions of hearts, those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them.

I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken.

What we should do is... What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?!

- What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww.

Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot.

Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it.

Hey, we're just a stone's throw from Tijuana.

Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings. So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe...

Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim.

What's that weird cat?

Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow.

What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

I'm so confused.

LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement. Neither did I... Oh.

I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Bring him, quickly. (GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor.

But you're right. Once you're actually here, it's just a big dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes the way I used to.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy!

Fortunately, I still have our old career chips. Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand.

I just want my parents to love me. God, how I hate them!

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya. So far, so good. Where's Kif?

Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up!

Wait a minute. Bender's name isn't Bonder! It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order...

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg.

BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING)

Oh! You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into?

Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it.

(CLAMORING CONTINUES) Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Oh, what's the point of fleeing? Even if we escape from those creatures, we'll still be stuck in this dimension till we starve.

I'll let my hair down and you can climb up! That's not hair. I don't care what it is. I just like climbing. (GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat! There's a duo here to rescue us!

So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet?

(LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

How far away do you think it is?

My God. Poor Leela. Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

A funerary urn. (CHEERING) Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out.

Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all.

Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you?

One of the 12 of you will not pass this class. Boring. Let's hear about Walter Mondale already.

I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do?

or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl!

Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail.

But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to.

(GROANING) ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender.

There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch. I mean, I'm pulling down delivery-boy money. Fry, she's pulling down billionaire trust-fund money. Then she wants me as a trophy husband.

This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

What the... All right, good enough. Let's go.

Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh!

(SCREAMING HOARSELY) Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Well, that's my good friend Beck. I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues. Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer. Both our dreams came true.

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah?

Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit.

I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

Hot cocoa break. Cocoa is for yodeling babies. If you're sober, it isn't ice fishing. (CHOKING)

You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier. I could have flip-flopped out. I know that. Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes,

I will now perform my people's native dance.

I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

I mean, I don't know what to ask about. Come on, woman, just pick something. Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile.

Quit it. People of Trisol it is my honor to present your new emperor.

Your Medicare dollars at work. Halt! Identify this guest. Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute. You did it, Fry! Did what?

Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

There's such a beautiful stillness. Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you. Good? Huh. I guess they can. Anyhow, when a guy feels good about his sweetheart, he wants to prove it by giving her something really good. I'm still listening, you big lug.

Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret.

Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy. The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been! Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it.

So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really.

Here he is! Come and get him!

Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ!

I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off? Can't a girl enjoy herself without being judged?

Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

(CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) (CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in.

I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

Of course you could. You'd be stupid not to. Supposing we're not stupid. What kind of stupid mission is this? You'll be picking up a monument commemorating my lost crew, to be unveiled Tuesday at their memorial ceremony. All the grieving families will be there, plus a Popsicle cart.

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under! Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle.

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew! Hey, I need that to smoke! Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool.

He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough. Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing.

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!

Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over. (CHIRPING)

Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank.

Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you? Hmm. I'm not quite sure. Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain,

Shut up, Zoidberg. Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort. And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING) Where are we?

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Hey Leela, want to know what the most beautiful thing is? No. Let's get hopped up.

Wha-- Oh, right.

Oh, Lord. It's so nice to have more family. All I had was the Professor,

Gene Tinker, bus. Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion.

So, unlike me, it's entirely leakproof. Now, once you've hauled the tanker past the protestors-- Protestors? Correct. 6,000 hulls. Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto? To avoid the tollbooth.

Dude, there's a universe in all of us.

Ride the walrus. Ladies and gentlemen the Omicronians! Greetings, Earth morsels. You suck! Get a job!

Ah! Another successful day. Deliveries were made. Nobody got hurt. (EXCLAIMING) Yes, another successful day.

but what he describes is perversion! You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love!

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks.

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Except Sports by Huey Lewis. I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that--

Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it. Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm...

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow. (GRUNTING)

Who invited you?

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom.

Yay, Lamey! The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING) (SCREAMS) It's attacking me! (GRUNTING)

(ALL GASP) Greetings, Princess Purpleberry. I am Lord Loquat, your new neighbor. You're coming to live here? There goes the purple-hood.

No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender. Hello. I am Victor. And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women.

Then maybe you should act better.

Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky.

Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous?

Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Not surprising enough.

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

Removing item. We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it!

They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire!

Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass. Incoming surface-to-air...

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you!

What? What is funny?

(CHEERING) Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out. These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

Damn it. I should have paid more attention in kindergarten. What's this chair-looking gizmo? (HONKING) Welcome to MomCorp. Did you find everything you were burgling for?

What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant?

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too. Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more.

On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again.

then the petite women, then the large women again.

All hands on deck for mojitos.

Now for some tasty matter. (DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man!

That was quick. So, what do I owe you?

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys.

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?!

Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots,

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction. So, trapped on a ship with me. What say you and I knock some very sensual boots? It's tempting but, uh, I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh--

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola.

Mr. Bender, I realize class has only been in session for 32 seconds, but you've fallen in with a bad crowd. I know, right? Also, I've decided to drop out of school.

There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the mind switcher. Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys.

Help! Mechanical man overboard!

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania!

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables ABNER: And cut!

(SNIFFLES) Um... (CLEARS THROAT) Leela? I'm sorry I ruined our vacation. It's not your fault. I wanted this week to be special. And then Sean had to show up. Do you still have feelings for him? No.

No dog food for Victor tonight.

Can we talk? Grabbing your spaceship was not okay. I lost my cool, and I'm sorry. In group, I learned that I tend to be a bit... Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity.

A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end? Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here? Not... I.

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me!

Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie!

It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free.

What time is it?

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong. Too bad it's a dump. Look at that statue. It's only got one eye.

Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before--

"These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife."

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew!

It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that-- Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes...

Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses. I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs. Are you?

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium. It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back.

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened. Can't we stop them from multiplying?

It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

Our paths first crossed when I was a researcher at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. The moment our eyes met we knew we'd be going at it like woodchucks.

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick.

- So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow! Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion...

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting.

Cram it, Virginia. Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years. Professor, maybe there's some way to bring the pine trees back to life. Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden.

You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Hello, Leela. You're fired. I know. I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point. Let the games begin! So I told Leela "Your request for a date is most flattering "but I must decline. "These office romances never work out.

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck!

As your largest campaign contributor, I demand action! Very well. $80 worth of action it is. Voila. We simply pump the fruits of our excretion into Madison Cube Garden. Well, it seems everything is under... (GASPING)

They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go.

Amy, the Mafia took everything we had. Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants. Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me. No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent?

1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat. When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town

Good news, everyone! Ugh! When the mine caved in, the entrance was blocked by a fusion explosion. Luckily, the miners found safe haven here in the doom chamber.

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it?

- Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows.

What? All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Hey. What smells like blue?

You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw.

You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists. Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical."

Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax-- For duck huntin'.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone!

(HISSING) Oh! (GRUMBLING) Oh! Oh! Aah! Relax, you babies. It's no different from stomping a puppy. (GRUNTING) Everyone, stop! He's not going to hurt you.

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that.

Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink. You got it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender.

(SCREAMING) Bender, whatever you do, don't think about any more octopuses. Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi.

I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing. Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS)

You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-- Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry.

Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone.

Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING)

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

The package is going to Long Long Island. Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside.

Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself.

Interesting stuff.

That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax.

So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast.

Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS) Hey, Professor, couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not.

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled." Oh, Lord. "Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

I beg you, just use the translator. Kif, just trust me for once. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops!

I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love--

And so, with two weeks left in the campaign, the question on everyone's mind is who will be the next president of Earth-- Jack johnson, or bitter rival john jackson? Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo? All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo.

Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here. Yeah. It's pretty romantic. I mean platonic. Th-That sure is one platonic view. Fry, just be quiet. I'm beginning to think this whole fake fiancÉ thing was a terrible, terrible-- Hmm? Mmm.

Wait a second. Did you rip off your own arm as a joke? Nay. Like most of your followers, I was maimed building the great brewery.

you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?

Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender. No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me.

I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir.

There he is. Seize him.

I'm a tenth-level vice president.

ALL: Aw! Aw! Damn, they are good. (ALL GRUNTING) We're coming to a full stop. All cats, to your posts!

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction.

Say what? I'm partied out.

I forgot you could tempt me with things I want.

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party.

You dumb cocktail shaker!

I'll take a-three-men. Holla! Come on, Amy. Pick a male human already. I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interested in any of these gross, ugly losers! What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser?

Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew! But we only have the one medal. So please direct all your admiration to the main guy, Bender! (ALL CHEERING) Now, you two step aside.

I'm 40% back, baby! (PIANO PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck. With the cards. (WHIRRING)

This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch.

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

(CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough!

Whoa! Neat. Ta-da! It's a glow-in-the-dark nose...

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of.

Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box.

Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future. I'd better light some candles. Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part.

What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you,

Oww! Futurama. Noun.

If we want to breathe sulfuric acid and get our heads torn off by giant lizards, we can always go to Gary, Indiana. Even I would never send you to Gary, Indiana. But I am sending you to Omicron Persei 8. (ALL CLAMOR) Oh, my gosh, are you kidding?

I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

But I don't think-- Next! "At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING) Uh-oh. That death scene was almost half believable. Cobb looks jealous and insecure. How's his ego doing? It's shrinking. Faster, Professor, kill, kill. Activating anti-fungal ray.

Fine. I'll be back in a few days. Man, I hate those new 1-X robots.

You're ugly! (LAUGHING) (ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow! Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless. Okay, deep breath, deep breath.

I, Turanga Leela, winner of a Young People's Choice Award, a Peabody Jr. and two Training Emmys, am not what I appear to be. There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh.

He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort.

This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained-- Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night--

That was great! And no one suspects a thing. And that's how we learned our lesson.

That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie. Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon.

Translation-- boring.

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed.

Bender! There. Good as new.

You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

Hello? I'd like to volunteer. Is anyone lurking? (GRUNTING) Hey, stop that. Senator Travers? That's no way to win an election. (SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message.

But then Nicolas Cage discovered the real treasure was his family. Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

So you wish you were never born, maybe? Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is. Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kevorking.

And you all do the same.

(STRAINING) Why can't I shoot you? (LAUGHING) Poor deterministic Bender. I programmed you to be incapable of harming me. Oh, I've never been more sure I was right to deny you free will. Damn you!

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend... Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah. Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg!

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down.

Ugh! Go away! Ooh!

Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job.

Please send the man round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos.

A man who single-handedly defeated the Retiree people of the Assisted-Living Nebula-- Zapp Brannigan!

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops. No! I can't stand to look!

If anyone is going to kill Mr. Peppy, it should be me. Fry, I know you're upset right now, but I hope you'll consider donating the body to science dinner. (SLURPING)

All right, let's get to work. Let's see.

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit?

Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die. Hmm. Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks.

we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it, all to keep our flag flyin' free. And you wanna defend Zoidberg? Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"?

Yet disaster loomed.

Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

That new recruit is phenomenal, sir. Yes. He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours. I do plan to finish someday, Kiff. Good hustle, soldier. Oh!

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table.

Thank you. Thank you so much. You know, through all my ups and downs, I always thought the most important thing in life was to win an Oscar, but tonight I realize what's really important is to win two Oscars!

Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City. I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now.

And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

- Let's go! - Yes. Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection. I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Good news, everyone. He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old.

I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot. Pretty cool, eh?

(SOBS) (BOTH SOB)

Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right.

No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot Rite my riny retal rass!

O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Nothing like a power nap. Flies, flies and gorillas!

You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS) That is nasty!

I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a? Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours.

No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

Now as for economic cooperation... Oh. Excuse me. Attention... all personnel evacuate the planet immediately. And not just because it's meat loaf night.

Let me just cross-check my tabulation here. Factor in the corsages for the widows... Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher! Everybody but me is dying of old age! Okay. The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short,

to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret.

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

Oh, my. (BELL CLANGS) (YELLING) (SIGHS) (SCREAMS) (BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING)

Who are you monsters?

Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking. This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes.

She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk. Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face!

You sure you want to be a bender, Son? More than anything. Just remember, your daddy loves you. Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that.

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord. It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord."

Nibbler, help! Don't leave me here!

Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you?

Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.

We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Look, let's just agree that gang violence is an important issue with no easy answers. Okay.

I can finally afford my speech therapy.

looks, charm and the love of a fabulous bending robot. She sure does. Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well. Like what? Ooh! Oh. Are you my mommy?

Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah!

Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know.

It's collapsing! What the... It's some kind of deluxe apartment in the sky.

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

But your bureaucratic license will be revoked if you fail to sort the master in-pile by closing time. 1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat.

O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month. Graduation day. So grow a pair and put them together for our new officers!

(SOBBING) (NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick.

It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right? And if you are, don't tell me. Are you? Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask? Well, I think you dating a manbot is a disgrace.

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry.

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway?

You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow!

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now.

- Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh! Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was. Yes, there is, Bender.

never letting it out of my sight. Where is it, damn it? Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans! Whoa, whoa, whoa. A toy Bender had free will, and the real Bender didn't? Pretty cool, eh? It makes you think.

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next? The farmers pray for sunlight, so their barley might make a more refreshing beer... for today's God on the go.

Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer! We'd go walking in the woods, and lrrr would find injured little tinkle bunnies and nurse them back to health. Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night.

Who put this in here?

Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill! No alcohol? (SCOFFS) And you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine? I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set.

and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram!

Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

I'm sorry, Fry, but no vegetarian could have done this. I know, and as much as I love Mr. Peppy, I love Leela more. He has to be put down. Ah, don't feel bad. Major MacZongo is an experienced hunter. He'll blow Mr. Peppy's head off as painlessly as possible.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them,

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

Crocodiles. We keep them as pets. Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend.

Also, to be treated as equals! And a little mating wouldn't hurt! Orange? Purple?

Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend--

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord?

Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved. Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed.

I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too.

I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish? What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown?

We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times.

Uh, "new"? What sweater?

It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug!

Of course! Duh! It's an important unit.

Come over here.

You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero.

As long as I don't have to parallel park.

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet.

We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar! I have got to quit drinking.

Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan. Aha! You see? I freed him from your infernal contraption and he returned to normal. On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism. Or I did, until Mom cured me of my awful disease using genetic engineering.

but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct.

That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves.

- Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy?

(GRUNTING) Yet still, I feel empty inside.

Take them to the laundry brig. So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir. Um, may I have a beer, sir?

Whee! We're on-line.

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

You can get off me anytime. Oh, no! My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

The crisis on Pluto worsens... as dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat. The images are truly horrific. I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel.

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution.

(SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical.

I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm.

You'd better eat quickly, Philip. You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight. I'd rather have one last night with my family. You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us? Wise choice, son. You're gonna get fired, Phil.

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage. This is a normal L-unit. Without it,

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else.

(WHIMPERS) (THUDDING) (BUZZER) 48.3 seconds! We got us a winner! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner.

It's global warming.

Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038. Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil.

This is my home. I hope you don't think less of me because I live in a giant castle. Oh, no, not at all. If anything, I'm more impressed. Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room.

Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? And clean the black parts too. Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers?

My, my, my, what's a beautiful lady like you-- Oh! Wha-- Wah! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes.

Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a nice, unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment. That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy. Wait, does that include me?

Ah, here's my stateroom.

Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah. Hi.

Ah, thank you, golf slave.

including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents.

I have a question for Senator C. Zaxxar Travers. (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Tell me, Zaxxar, were you even born on Earth?

(RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor.

Now, folks, it's time to stop that tanker... with a nonviolent human circle. Why do we have to resort to nonviolence? Can't we just kick their asses? Now, little lady, those people's asses are living things too.

Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo.

This man has over-gasped. If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto...

Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"? Yep. Uh-huh. "Lickety speed"? Check. Yes, sir. "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope.

No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me?

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis.

That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron.

Ah, fame. Where do I come in? This fame film has a juicy part for you... if you completely finance it with your doctor money. So, are you in? Uh, okay. How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right.

This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form. Yeah!

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) If it's alive, don't lick it Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket I like turtles!

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator.

Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me?

Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian! That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food! Five hundred dollars, you say? Dog food, you say?

- and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo!

(HUMMING) Greetings, merchant! I need something beautiful and cheap for a lady who is one of those things. The cheapest thing I have is a bouquet of daisies for $6. Perfect! I'll take half a bouquet of daisies for $3.

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you.

Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now.

That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard. Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow?

That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out.

Because unlike you, I'm cool. I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping. But you wouldn't understand. I understand I can still outdrive your saggy ass, even in this clunker. (ALL EXCLAIMING) That one-eyed housewife called you out! When and where, PTA?

Hello. (SCOFFS) My fiancee, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day. You know, we could trade bodies.

This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't... (MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone! Alone with me? I said scram, grapey!

Well, my legs are made of rubber. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it.

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew! Yo, dawg, we're a crew. Well, that solves that. If we're gonna be co-workers, I gotta be straight with you.

Thank you, Secretary of Transportation. My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster.

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you.

Ooh. Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie? Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson.

Activating ice drill!

No. Technically, we were Fon-Fon-Rus, so we weren't really married. Wow, the interesting thing about that is... (SNORING) So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds?

And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING) We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy!

Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police.

and they walk up to the bar and then--

Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box.

But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero. Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero.

Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this?

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh. Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl? That's not a reputable journal of opinion. That's also for Seymour. I'm getting everything ready for when he's cloned.

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute!

Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday! That is what you said when you found those Boy Scouts! Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter!

Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew!

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o!

I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Your match with the Murderflies is about to start. (GASPING) ANNOUNCER: Moon-ladies and moon-men, presenting the defending champions, the queens of hostility from the Sea of Tranquility, the Murderflies!

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There! That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that--

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING)

I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity and, dare I say it, my friendship. Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines.

I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring.

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

I'd pound him till I... oh! Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt! Stop! What are ye doing?

This planet's got it going on. Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on.

I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no.

No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender!

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying.

Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy! Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person.

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies. Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on.

I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh...

Whoa, Nelly! Aww, man!

Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry. He and I are... What would you say we are, Fry? Nude and interrupted. Uh-huh. Listen, Leela, I'd love to catch up. What do you say we split a free drink at the robo bar? They've got unlimited pretzels. Put a little peanut butter on there, they really fill you up. Well, it has been a while.

Then good luck, sister.

or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team!

Your backbone can't take it!

Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early.

Where are we delivering it to? Uh... here. Another job well done.

Is there room in there for two? You wish.

Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Would you like some human with your salt?

If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it.

Humans have been vacationing in our habitat for years. In fact, Leela's been here before. When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment, keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs.

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me.

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle? Castle?

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish.

Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid?

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right!

Huzzah. Huzzah. Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years?

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down. Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit. Oh, my.

Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway.

Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution. Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M.,

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely.

(ALARM BUZZES) Huh? My alarm clock? Is that the music? Not even close, you tone-deaf moron. FARNSWORTH: Now get out of bed and start dreaming.

You guys distract the were-car and I'll kill it by plugging its exhaust pipe with this silver potato. Psst! There it is. It looks so unhappy.

All gone. Can I drive? No.

You've all taken your pressure pills, right? Yes. Stop asking.

Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew.

What's his problem?

I've got to stop this reverse aging...

All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle.

killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed.

People of Earth... Shh!

Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job.

Zoidberg, you idiot! My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

A cuddly baby tapir.

Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected. Quick, into the ship's panic room!

Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow! People, I won't let you enter. Popplers are as intelligent as you or me. You, maybe.

Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander.

Get a shave, ugly! Oh.

I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive. - But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela. in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy

I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two. Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough. I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me. Let's move on to Fry's next fantasy.

Hey, All My Circuits. Move over. Ah!

Look on the bright side.

Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray? No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused.

Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business! Why, you-- Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead." Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death?

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it!

This is an outrage.

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict.

Also, mine has air conditioning.

Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

Uh-huh. Don't pay me no mind. (GROANS) Scruffy, could we please have a little privacy here?

Hello. Hello, baby!

That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you.

"zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two." Amen. Does that mean we can eat now? Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton,

FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you.

Why not indeed!

Warp drives! Get your warp drives! (WHISTLES) Say, friend, that's a heck of a ship. She's worth a lot of money. I'm gonna sell her at market so my girlfriend can get surgery for her squidification.

I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base. Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING) Dumb bastards.

I don't understand. Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here?

(DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response.

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you...

That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Time to add the yeast. Yeast? You mean, I'll have a life-form growing inside me? It's so beautiful. - Talk to me. - This is Professor Farnsworth. I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew.

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile.

but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

(GRUNTING) What goes down must back up. (SEWAGE BUBBLING) (VEHICLES HONKING)

I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

But he'll need to act like we just saw, modest and sincere. You really think it'll work? It sounds like something that might work. Wearing a costume and pretending to be someone else goes against my every instinct as an actor.

What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled.

It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful. Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said.

(BLARING) Action! Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen. I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate.

Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me.

Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death. Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here. That's right. You shouldn't have. I still don't get what the big attraction is.

Hey, uh, check it out here.

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

We didn't see anything... ever.

It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters. What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors.

My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G... an...

Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender. The exit. We made it! Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm.

Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me. I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding.

Why is it still blurry?

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Although you wouldn't know it from looking. Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight,

Okay. Nighty-night.

I made this bracelet so that in some small way, we'll always be with you. Even when it doesn't seem like it. During your entire life, for example.

I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it.

Now, that's a name I can trust.

Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet! Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards!

Surely it says "love."

It's a boring dried-up wasteland.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny.

Boy, Bender, you sure were chock full of parts. I didn't even know you had a wishbone. I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back. Oh, sure we will. If we live a really long time. Let's get started. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it.

I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock.

Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING)

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point?

Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

there will be terrible consequences. The only thing terrible is going to be my bank account. Wait. Say that again, but say, "Tremendous consequences." If it's money you're after, I'll pay whatever you ask. Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone. I swear on my honor as a paparazzo.

Yes, better. A lonely weekend in my dumpster with a jar of pennies and tears. Sounds good. See you Monday!

Bender would never share. The very idea!

Meow. Wonderful, Hubie.

And the winner is... Bender! Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life!

Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine...

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

The monster won't even know the ship has a basement. Unless you posted it on Facebook, like the last secret I told you. I didn't know that was a secret. Lots of people wear a jockstrap thinking it's a thong. (SQUELCHING) What was that? (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM)

Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths.

He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Hear me! Hear me! Stop eating Popplers! Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce! Stop eating them with tangy sweet- and-sour sauce. Stop eating the new Fiesta Poppler Salad. Stop taking advantage of the money-saving 12-pack.

Last one. Oh! It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning. Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry!

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too.

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people.

and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie. Well, that was pointless. Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me...

I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What?

Hold out your palm. What are you scared of?

Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there.

Except for tax purposes. Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna. Oh, excuse me, robo-dong. Who was it? Can you give us a name? Certainly not. I could never betray a customer's privacy. All I can give you is this naked picture of him taken from my toilet cam.

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa!

Let us in! Fry must die so that Bont may live. What am I going to do? We've got to get the emperor out of your body before they kill you. Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness.

A world where humans are killed on sight. Why is that great news?

(SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things!

Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha! Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court--

but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic. Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow!

I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet.

I assign me. I accept. Welcome aboard. Then it's settled. Hermes will relax and Zoidberg will eat. Hurrah! I've been reviewing your corporate records. Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater.

Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

O glorious conqueror, permit me to offer up a sacrifice. How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it?

Shh! It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous. You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out! (CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank,

You gave me a 20.

Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender.

Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years.

but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated. Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now!

Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough? (ROBOTS SCREAMING)

Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela!

Wow! I could swear I was really playing Virtual Skeeball. Hmm? Look, it's that crate we were going to throw in the sewer.

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question.

Your Honor, the prosecution rests. The evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong However, in light of his years of service and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges. Dismiss all charges?

Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you. Josh Gedgie, boy scientist. Pi over four radians of pizza, please.

Is the organ-harvesting clown here? Nah, Rusty comes on Tuesdays now. Today it's the owner of the Tickleodeon Kids Network. Okay, kids, get ready to be subjected to our new fall shows. Mr. Funny-Bunny here will gauge your reaction by bombarding your brains with harmless snuggle rays.

Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it.

Powering up Clone-O-Mat. Placing fossil on the Plat-Clone-O-Form.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened.

My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?" (LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs.

May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap!

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers. Yeah, remember who your real friends are. I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

Darling, will I marry you? Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp.

That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. No, we can get jobs. But we just had jobs. Fortunately, I still have our old career chips. Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met?

I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this.

We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection?

There. We can make these into spears. And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows. And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think!

I'm the greatest, baby! You go, Beachmaster!

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense! He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh? Thank you. Thank you so much. You know, through all my ups and downs,

I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

Kill all modern humans!

Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass. Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?! They're being crushed into powder and sold as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer. False hope. I love it.

You're bad. (SIGHS) Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished! She never got over it, Professor.

Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu. Yeah, at our wedding.

Bender? BENDER: Yeah, baby. You're quite a dish. (GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. (CHUCKLING) Oh, no. Bender, stop! Stop! Quiet your riot. What's the worst that could happen?

Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

Xmas! Amy, there you go. Fry, Professor, Zoidberg.... A mighty haul for Bender. Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas! And last, but not least the sweet flower of the office... me, Hermes Conrad.

Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying! Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster. What are you, my driver's license? Eating a sweet, innocent chick before it's even hatched? Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal.

Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief.

Okay. The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short, our Sith Overlords! Yeah! Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity.

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford. So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot."

That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be.

I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid. You lost, and you made it look almost half-real. I want you to have this card good for ten percent off at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio. That's ridiculous! Mr. Peppy doesn't eat bones. I raised him on a simple diet of Brussels sprouts and mixed soda. (GAGGING) At least there's only one of them.

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum. The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray is nothing more than a common teleporter ray. (SCOFFS) Worthless toy!

You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper.

I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with.

Let's go already!

It's the 7:38! Jump! BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

Here's the 200 feet of rope you ordered, Sheriff Furley. Hot diggity! You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow? It's gonna be a doozy. (GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people. Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS)

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure.

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week."

(ENGINES REVVING) Leela, Professor, don't do this! It's too exciting! Mark, set, go, yo!

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump!

bullying in the workplace is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.

Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

(ALARM BEEPING) (GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button. But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars!

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me!

Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Where's that chicken soup we asked for? Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there.

ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus,

That's using your ass.

But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun--

Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez.

Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off!

Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

But not too cheap. I'll take the cash, and you can have the credit. I don't want the credit! Genetic engineering is wrong! Oh, really? Tell that to your old friend, the giant. (SCREAMS) Where is he? Oh, God, he's invisible now! Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan.

Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me.

That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.

Fry, where's Leela? We haven't seen her since she sprouted tentacles. What? She didn't move down there? Then where is she? That's what I called to ask you. Well, you didn't!

It's some kind of deluxe apartment in the sky. (LAUGHING) (GASPS)

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Leela, please tell the others that...

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Choke on that, causality!

Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! We've been hired to make our 100th delivery. (ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year.

Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie. What the-- I call top bunk.

I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me.

Where is it? Nobody knows.

You owe me one. Whoa.

North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land.

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you.

My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle!

And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time,

I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my.

Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap.

Oktoberfest? (CLUCKS) Sounds like fun!

Wish I had Bender back.

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure.

(CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

This time disruption is extremely serious.

Then prepare to be embarrassed.

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us.

(BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord. From now on, you give me half the gross, or I'll blow your cover. (SIGHS) Fine. You'll get your cut. I don't really care about the money anyway.

Rest in peace, homie.

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense!

this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh! Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out. She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again, I'm just gonna stay in my room! Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

I placed instruments under your seats. Play them or I'll break them over your heads.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake! Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it.

I thought I was fitting in.

So, unlike me, it's entirely leakproof. Now, once you've hauled the tanker past the protestors-- Protestors? Correct. 6,000 hulls. Why do we have to fly within three feet of this penguin preserve on Pluto? To avoid the tollbooth.

You swerve, narrowly avoiding: I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers?

What's that loud digesting sound?

But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch...

Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.

It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun.

No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless. Roger.

My ice cream Manwich!

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary? I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you...

My mom may have abandoned me, but I have the greatest dad in the whole universe. He's patient, he's not afraid to show his emotions... Don't look at me! ...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy.

This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things! Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo!

Charming. Now, into the ditch with you.

1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

Get ready, Fry. I'm going to rip your swim bladder out and show it to you. Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw...

Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier!

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

Hi-ya! Those buggalo were what made Wong family so rich and powerful. Oh, Inez, with them stolen, we ruined! Okay, I want a divorce. Mom, Dad, don't ask me to choose! They're not your parents, I'm not your sister...

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth!

Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector.

Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

Ow! I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison. You really are too picky. Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez.

Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry.

Over here, Calculon! Come on, smile. Quit blinking. Red eye. Blurry. Lens cap's still on. CALCULON: Oh! We finally eluded that obnoxious shutterbug. At last, we can enjoy our studio-mandated quality time.

Chill out, dude.

Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty?

Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure!

Dr. John Zoidberg! You're a nice man, Nixon. Dr. Zoidberg, how's about you take a bite of the flag for tomorrow's papers? Oh, I couldn't. No, no, go ahead. You've earned it. Well, maybe just a taste.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Can't we just shoot a missile at it?

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

Man, that dog's gonna be hard to beat. Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

(GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"?

- I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

- Linda? - (LAUGHS) The situation is grim, Morbo. Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.

Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you! And stop calling me. I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior.

Oh, very well. Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here I suggest Fry give me a nice convincing kiss. Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm.

You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost. (STAMMERING) A ghost? No, just the regular kind. Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo.

And you die first? (GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES) I get it. You freed me. You lousy son of a...

Well, son, I guess this is goodbye again. Not quite yet. I took the liberty of reprogramming your retirement simulation. Why don't I come in for a moment and show you around?

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over.

(SCREAMING) Incoming! Thanks, Colonel.

Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us.

Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested.

(WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale. (WHALE SINGING) Holy crap, it's a giant space fish!

Ladies and gentlemen, for the 17th year in a row, the future of robotics has arrived. Boys. I give you Robot 1-X. Ow! Oh.

Pfft! Actual folk songs are all public domain. Where's the money in that? I'll just make up my own. But, robot, you can't just make up folk songs like you can a medical diploma. They have to come from the heart. Wrong again, Zoidberg. While you were yakking, I downloaded every folk song in the universe and analyzed them.

No! No! It's tasted human blood!

Big deal. We all feel like that all the time,

I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker! Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand? In good time. You go enjoy the opera.

Oh! Aah! Ohh! Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe!

Well, good night. I'm going to go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them.

Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Here's the 200 feet of rope you ordered, Sheriff Furley. Hot diggity! You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow? It's gonna be a doozy. (GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people. Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis!

You, out! You haven't heard the last of...

But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing! We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

In a few seconds, the brains will finish scanning... the last bits of information in the universe. Beavers mate for life. Eleven greater than four. For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now. It's Fry. Wiggles?

Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness. Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine.

I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING)

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge. Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger!

(ALL CLAMORING) Today's storyteller is a space captain who grew up right here at the orphanarium.

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

(YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh? Oh... You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift.

(MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up. Hambone, hambone!

Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain? Farewell, monobrains.

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later.

The rich get richer. Strike! In your face, Leela!

So, Billy, where were you born? Right here in Moon country. And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer. Folks say my mama was a hoe. Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork.

It's all about appearances. That's why it's time to update our company's stodgy image...

I tell you, being here really takes me back to my college days.

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered.

(LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever. Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh He's doing it again.

But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore. Dad! We screwed up! You did? Tough luck, suckers!

Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING)

just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun!

An airline. Yeah! What? We should become a commercial airline. I mean, we've got a ship, and teleporters won't be invented for another 15 years, according to that guy from the future.

Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

I mean, she has two eyes. You have two eyes. I know-- we seem like a perfect match but I just don't feel that way about her. Nice nebula. Yeah. Looks like everybody's got somebody... except me. And me.

Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela.

Not precious ambergris! Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place. Ta-dah! Using that, I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry. Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes.

(CROWD CHEERING)

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong,

SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable. You may want to get it disinfected.

I never cared enough to perform it. Until now. This is going to be the greatest career resurrection since Jesus, Aloha from Hawaii.

Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman!

Okay, they got everything you need here. Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive.

You're a superhero? Well, that's wonderful! But did you have to make the costume so revealing? Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero! We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side. No. Listen. It's very important...

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

You did it, Johnny. I'm cured! (ALL GASP)

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty.

MAN: Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama. Okay, crew. Xmas break is over.

and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER) (GROWLING) (ALL SCREAM) (LAUGHING) I do enjoy a well-buttered floor.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS) All right, how we feeling?

Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior.

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal?

Let's get a little kindling going. No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered. Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender?

That was the meanest thing I ever saw. Good. Maybe it'll work.

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is.

(BOTH LAUGHING) Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face! It called me what? (INTENSE GRUNTING) Yay! You bended it like a pretzel.

whoever you all are I have good news.

So, please, vote yes.

(SOBBING) Ahem! Ah, this may not be the best time, but a couple years ago, a homeless rodeo clown named Floyd came to the door claiming he was... Bender! Why do you always have to be the center of attention?

While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world. Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside. Now just read these cue cards. And... action! "Miss McNeal...

(POWERING UP) (ALL GASP) My God! Robot Saint James is a zombie. Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James.

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder,

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Is there anything she's been riding your ass about? Conquering things, I guess. I could conquer Earth, kill all humans.

Welcome to robot hell.

At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us.

One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Hello, I'm Leela captain of the Planet Express delivery ship. We've come aboard to plead for your assistance. Well, if there's anything-- I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh...

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

Who are you, and why should I care?

NARRATOR: Of all the creatures on Earth, none has a more thrilling life cycle than the intrepid salmon. It all begins in a cold, freshwater stream, where the salmon eggs incubate.

If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice. Boy, I've never seen him so down... or ever before. How does a nobody like me get famous?

That's okay. You're just saying that 'cause he bought you that antique robot toy. Yeah.

This is perfect for me! Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free--

No shellfish! That is so unfair.

The images are truly horrific. I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid.

Good morning! Geez, who died?

Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain?

I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe. Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!

It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

(EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to.

Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks!

I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all! Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...!

I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding. Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

Now, that I like for some reason.

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab! How bad is it, Doctor? Super bad. It's Tritonian hyper-malaria.

I've got to get home and do laundry.

which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money. Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

Wait. Who's the trigger-happy jerk? (GASPS) That's me! I recognize the face.

(SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again! Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else.

Correction: our one mission now

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you. What? Oh, this is horrible. I won't be able to hear Fry's opera.

Oh, well, it's just, really, that I don't feel that-- Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke,

You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

- But-- - Once and for all!

So it's left, left, right... Wait!

Wait! My sandwich!

(CREW SCREAMING)

Don't take it so hard. I used to miss my body too, but then I fished this mannequin out of the 92-Cent Store Dumpster. Wow! We've sure got a lot in common, Beck. I always dreamed of being a musician-poet who transcends genres,

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

This! You for this.

Brace yourself-- for when I speak these words, you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is--

Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid.

Wow. Nice tube.

I don't know. Fry?

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster.

Now please, please retire immediately.

(ALL SCREAMING) Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS) (THUDDING) (BUZZER) 48.3 seconds! We got us a winner!

Hello, Miss Turanga. Your call to St. Louis has gone through.

Leela? You're alive! Fry!

I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow! According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of... 900 degrees.

It's a poisonous froad! No one move. I'm back, baby.

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up?

Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens.

Sure, blame the wizards. That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?!

You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful. In that case... let the dancing begin!

Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are.

They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do?

Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you. Give me that.

Stand back! I'm a toolbot. You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber.

This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam? Stands back. I'm gonna puts my moves on her.

But the sad fact was... Oh, how can I put this delicately? He was a crazy-ass nut job! Thank you, Ned. But so what? He was our crazy-ass nut job, and we loved him. (SHRIEKING) GRAM-GRAM: Every night, the poor boy had terrors in his sleep.

Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin. Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you!

What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in,

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer.

I've been giving these out for 647 years.

(ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science!

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

(LOW WHINING SOUND) (GASPS) He's alive. At least his butt is. (BENDER GRUNTING)

NARRATOR: Having completed its perilous journey, the exhausted salmon enters the final phase of its life cycle. The female deposits her eggs and the male fertilizes them. Okay, who's next? There's a lot more where that came from!

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid!

We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead? Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party. So come on, put the guns down and join us.

Shh. They're usually here by now. Well, so long. Keep in touch. Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes. There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect. Is this clown on? Where are those daring crime stoppers?

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops. (BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea. (CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass.

I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?!

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God.

Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees! It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw...

Yes? Hi, Dad. It's me and my coworkers.

Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships. Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed. Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent. You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow!

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract. He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup?

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever! Fire! "My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you."

I'll say. Whoo!

Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals.

Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck.

The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine.

Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle.

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

Uh, Commander... could you tell me when the bomb is exploding?

Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor.

I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing.

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun. You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost. (STAMMERING) A ghost? No, just the regular kind.

Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh! Good evening. I'm--

Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

Honk, honk, honk! What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been?

No. Then... Then...

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin! Wait. Hang on. I lost my controller. (SCOFFS) There is no controller. The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera.

Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship? There but for the grace of God.

Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse?

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours.

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad. Fate brought us together, and now fate brought us here. No, you brought us here.

Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram? I sure do! That's the real robber!

We've been hired to deliver an envelope.

There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why?

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated. In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory.

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure.

What is the meaning of this symbol?

Silt? Asbestos? We got guano, very fresh. Ah, mm, do you have any food? Here. Try a deep-a dish pizza. Contains-a four kinda things.

Then the charges apply to you, too. What?

I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu.

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela. Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all. Maybe not, but what if the artificial gravity were to malfunction? Float for your lives!

Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy! Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert,

So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body. You aren't, are you? Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do? A man can give her a toke of her own medicine.

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where? Here! Literally, here!

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

LEELA: I love this time of day. There's such a beautiful stillness. Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you. Good? Huh. I guess they can.

Yes, it's clear what I must do. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can!

No. Convicted felon.

Who's next? The farmers pray for sunlight, so their barley might make a more refreshing beer...

Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips,

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down, and marry a nice house in the suburbs! But tonight, he's having the girls-gone-wildest bachelor party of all time! (WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela. Just go to your stupid party.

(MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING)

Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal.

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

Except the salmon. Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature. I'd like that. Oh!

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy.

Oh, no! Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee.

You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish. Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional.

I saw that! Huh?

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich! (DINGING)

So? What of it?

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh.

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM)

Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything,

Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families. But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look.

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Also the blue-footed booby!

"In the sanctuary, he made two cherubim of olive-wood, "each 10 cubits high and one wing measured five cubits, "And the other wing measured five cubits from the tip..." (GASPS)

I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela?

What? You mean along gender lines? Gender? Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order.

History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Check out the glowing freaks.

See that waitress there? Yowzah! I know what I want for dessert. That's my fiancÉe, Mildred. Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top.

Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that.

Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you! You used to say that all the time. Ah! Those were happier days.

How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news!

(IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery! I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world. Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead.

(ALL CHEERING) LINDA: Chris Travers wins the South California primary handily, thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances. MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers. With the race a dead heat,

But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter. "I beg of you, Mr. Funny Uncle. Teach me the comedy business. Sincerely, Zoidberg." Oh, isn't that nice he took the time? What's that scribble-di-gook? This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew,

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection. (ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

(SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela. (GIGGLING) Sorry, Bev, but I ain't cut out for fatherhood.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Yea, Leela! Go, Leela! Put it right down the pike! Strike him out, Leela! Do it for the hundreds of women everywhere! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Your attention.

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines?

The Brain Spawn suppress intelligence by attacking the delta brain wave. Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves...

All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

Of course! You don't have friends!

Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age. Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor. TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding,

Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See--

So you froze yourself to come look for me? No, I did it to get a fresh start. I didn't know what had happened to you. No one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money. That's the same reason they kept me out of school. So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really. Except for one person.

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it. The year 4000 is severely disappointing.

What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy? (MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up.

Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit. Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat.

Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder. I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it. Now I'll convert that guitar image to a wire-frame model. There, like so. And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer.

Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers.

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat. Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah.

I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash.

Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what? This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo!

Mm, I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved underarms. Do you have anything with more of a Lucy Liu feel to it? Nah, nothin' like that, although we do have Lucy Liu. Only woman to be named People magazine's "Sexiest Woman of the Year" twice-- in 2003 and then again in 2063. I'd like the 2003 model.

Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there!

All right! I'll go!

The hell it was.

I'm Butch, leader of this place.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance.

I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew! It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell,

Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells.

Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?

Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray? No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

Hey! I'm trying to sleep in here.

Wow. A whole planet of old people. Where is it? Nobody knows. So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years.

A good old flesh-and-blood human brain. Yes, a big, smart brain. Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right? Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense.

Close to it. But they don't draw a crowd like you, which is why I wanna sign you to the team. Oh, you mean I'd be the first woman ever to play major league blernsball? Well, yeah. But basically, you'd just be a publicity stunt. I figure a one-eyed lady skullbuster might bring out the freak-show crowd.

People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser.

And in the end, that's all I really have.

(HUMMING) Whoo-hoo! We've been weed-whacked! Whoa, check out that giant... (SCREAMS) (THUDDING)

Welcome! Oh, I'm just so excited! I'm Sheldon, and this is my chief financial officer, Gwen. For 30 years, we've shared the adventure of managing Romanticorp. Not to mention the adventure of marriage.

just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy.

I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby.

Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

I'll sign it for you later. Man, it's a cold one out there. Barbados Slim? Come in, Barbados. Look at yourself, all throbbing and shirtless for the holiday. I hope you're ready to celebrate. All night long, woman. (CHUCKLES)

These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

what I actually found was the smoldering wreckage of the ship. Ignoring all danger, I charged inside to liberate our provisions. So, this is the trail mix Fry gave me! Yes. I exaggerated when I said I picked it from the treetops. I just wanted you to think a little better of me.

Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir?

Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back.

I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones?

And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

(SIRENS WAILING)

Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop. (WHISPERING) Keep going.

This is a dangerous coast.

(ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING)

If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go.

Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company!

Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay.

Stop tempting me!

Dad! We screwed up! You did? Tough luck, suckers!

Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed. (SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant.

And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you?

on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A?

our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks. Cue the fireworks guy!

We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know?

Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing. Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography.

What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Yea! Whoo-hoo! Finally!

Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right.

I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest.

Hey, the TV's getting away!

It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

Stop taking advantage of the money-saving 12-pack. Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had. Ow!

They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean. Hmm... This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it.

I trust you... (SNARLING)

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart.

Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later!

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires.

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse. And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die?

Only one man in the colonies has a printing press fine enough to make these. Our good friend, Ben Franklin! Uh-oh. Isn't Franklin in Philadelphia? When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Okay, that's it. No more killing.

Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who! But we already have a client signed up. We're delivering the Daily Supernova.

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg? I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt."

So you opened the record vault, and the clover was gone? Yep. Nothing in there but all the best music of the 1980s in one amazing collection. Survivor, Pat Benatar, the Scorpions-- the list goes on. That clover helped my rat fink brother steal my dream of going into space. Now I'll never get there. You went there this morning for doughnuts.

I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

INEZ: Look, we're your family,

Hey! Betsy! This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters.

(WHISPERS) Cue screams.

Get a shave, ugly! Oh.

Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private,

Come back when I've had some sleep, baby. Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three!

What's wrong, Mommy? It's those damned anchovies. That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them. No one messes with Mom.

Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

(GRUNTS) Incredible! Who could have done this, the sewer mutants? No, this isn't mutant language. We use a lot more profanity. Son of a... (BLEEP)

(GASPS) Bada-boing.

Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man! As if our lives weren't miserable enough already. Tell me about it. Let the punishment commence!

Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

Aha! Prepare to be thought at! - Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything.

Oh, that's the corniest thing I've ever heard. Let me show you the bedroom.

I'll merely pick a robot at random from somewhere in the universe, probably one you've never even met, and then I'll remove his hands and switch them for yours! It's just the sort of guy I am. What do you say? Well, I don't know. It doesn't seem entirely moral to-- Fry, if you don't take this offer right now,

That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead. Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING)

It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

My what now? Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991.

We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say.

I don't even know you.

What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling.

Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable. You may pass.

What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

Hey, the TV's getting away! And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week."

Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it. Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head."

Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy!

Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

Femputer sentences them to death...

See ya April 15th, folks. Cue the fireworks guy! Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by...

Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that.

Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com.

Well, good night.

Oh, Fry. In exactly 10 seconds, the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger.

You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself!

But as with all things that are different, chocolate and vanilla, Mac and PC, one is always clearly better. Chocolate, Mac, men. The end. Well, I've got nothing to do for the next eight million years. Therefore, I will administer a series of tests to determine the superior gender.

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys,

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me.

(METAL CLANKS) Is that you, Big Throat? In the flesh. (GIGGLES) Listen, I need some dirt on Senator Chris Travers. How quaint. But I suppose I should do my part for political intercourse. Come closer, and I'll expose what I know. There's nothing.

just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip.

I have no idea.

Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now!

Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks. Nope. Uh-uh. Ew! Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody? I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business,

Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop.

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

(SCREAMING) FRY: Run, Leela! They're bouncing right at us! (ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING)

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry!

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry.

Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza.

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow,

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning.

It wasn't long ago our people were happy and prosperous but the eyeless Mole People of sub-terra Three grew jealous of our visual prowess. They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Clothing! Delicious clothing!

"I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

Maybe we can figure it out. We? (LAUGHS) Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics,

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples!

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! In very short order, Leela has become a fan favorite. Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh!

When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING)

Amazing. Some dumb bastard has nearly a million other dumb bastards following his every twit! Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards? Why are you so angry, Mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups. The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry...

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

ALL: Yeah! Is everyone enjoying their free beer? ALL: Yeah! Well, there's plenty more where that came from. We're all out of beer. All right, listen up, nitwits.

Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies. We demand justice.

Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously addictive.

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851, in New New York's nerdiest slum-- Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child,

I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape?

No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Hey, Calculon's dead. What happened? Did you save us, Leela? Actually, no. For once, it was Bender. Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender. It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends,

We have to get to that pile of dead bears by 7:38.

That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived! Take whichever one you want.

For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan.

Goodness. There must be 50 papers in that bundle. That's a big number-- 50. Yeah, if you're an idiot. Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off!

- How do we even know she's alive? - I'm fine. Shh! You're weakening our bargaining position.

You're from Next Stream Up? So am I! I can tell by the magnets in my head, or whatever. Let's go! The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth. Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows!

Cheese it! VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab.

What was that big thing? It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom!

Those pheromones were highly concentrated. Oh, I think I'm getting a little caterpilly.

Will you be taking your portable filing cabinet? None of your beeswax. I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

The Clone-O-Mat is ready. Yea! Whoo-hoo! Finally! Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

I passed the existential singularity. Try harder!

Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no! For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die!

Whoa! Check out that guy. He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales.

Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard.

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition! Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela? There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS)

My life is ruined.

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak.

You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything. Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it. Bender's in his office. Thanks.

Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone needs to return to the office immediately. Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick.

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow!

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle? Castle? Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that. Superstitious robot mumbo jumbo.

Look, I agree it'd make space walking more comfortable. But for a photo shoot, it's a little unsavory. Over. (RADIO CUTTING OUT) Time is money, peaches. Now shut your com-link and make love to the camera. And remember, I'm the camera. (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome. Oh!

The Zookeeper! Sorry I'm late. Long story.

escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa! Ow! Ow!

Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place.

Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature. I just wanted to get rid of it. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolemite, there's a slim chance it might have survived. So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby!

Thanks, Professor, but I don't want the treatment. Don't you understand, you little nitwit? Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age... will be to grow into it, just as God intended.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out!

Welcome home, old friend.

Animatronio mentioned a fountain. That's a statue of Neptune, god of water. The number of points on his trident is three, or trey. The "U" in his name is written like "V."

(SIGHS) It's hopeless.

Well, what's it like being a lawyer for the mayor's office... and also the world's strongest millionaire? Well, baby, for starters, you need to be honest all the time.

That would explain this heat.

Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony.

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.

Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

My liege, you're just in time.

Zapp Brannigan! Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan. You know Zapp Brannigan? Let's just say we've crossed paths. Was that before or after you slept with him?

Bloods on the Mobius strip. When will these kids learns?

Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads?

diarrhea, desiccation, perspiration,

They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas. It should say, "Top-quality Exercycle for sale." And could you put "top-quality" in bold? You can't? Okay, whatever.

Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly-- Globetrotters win, 244-86.

All right, all right, where's the surprise? Almost there. Keep your eyeball closed. (BEEPS) (WHIRRING)

I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past. I'm rich. I can live whenever I want. But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000.

He stole the scene and my money! That's it! I demand you fire this felonious ham!

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah.

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring.

Mm. Finding God, that's important, yeah. But you know what might be a treat for everyone? If you let me use the telescope to find my lost friend, Bender. I-i don't know what to say. Other than, "Absolutely not."

I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend.

Well, that solves that. If we're gonna be co-workers, I gotta be straight with you.

You owe me one.

On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they--

How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where? Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise...

Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it. Do the robot, baby!

Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash.

HERMES: Listen up, people.

are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go. Huh?

If we're gonna be co-workers, I gotta be straight with you. I've been emotionally scarred by years of unspoken verbal abuse.

And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry? Amy, Leela! What are you doing at your place of work?

(INDISTINCT GRUMBLING) We've had it with Zoidberg! We demand you fire him! Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that.

and I'll thank you to behave like a gentleman. You're quite welcome, sir. (BELCHES) Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat?

So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next?

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth--

(GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage. Now we're gonna die without so much as a factory-second clutch purse to show for it. (SIGHS) It would have been nice to shop at Tommy Hilfiger one last time. It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side.

Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor...

We are left with only one possible course of action, grim though it be. I got a good feelin' about this. We must immediately and permanently... shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots! No!

I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box? I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet.

Fire direct marketing algorithm!

You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be.

An open casting call for child robots! Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Officer, would it be all right if we adopted one of the kids? Might as well. They're just gonna rot in the evidence locker.

You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba.

Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead. Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits?

ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking! Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

No! I want to live.

All right, let's get to work. Let's see. If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here.

I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries.

Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome. Oh! Hey, save some for me!

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness! Listen, lady, as you can plainly see I'm a highly desirable male, groaning with jelly yet I embrace a life of celibacy in order to uphold our crazy traditions.

What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here.

I'm sick of my head doing things. Leela! Fry, I came to talk to you. No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever.

Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up.

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded! I need you to take it back and exchange it... for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs.

Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh.

It's an honor to meet you, Leonardo. And may I say, you were great in Titanic. The Beach... That's Leonardo DiCaprio, you blockhead! (GROANS) Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said.

Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm.

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever. Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive?

(EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud. John Zoidberg. It's been a long time. How have you been? Not too bad. Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. Later, I'll show you the pictures. Do you ever regret it, John, leaving me to work for the Professor?

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy?

Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye! In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs,

Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead, I did find a new outlook on life. It's precious and sacred. And you only get so many millions of years on this Earth. So, let's get brick-faced! (ALL CHEERING)

Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

This here the buffet. Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp!

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Uh... Close enough. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes

I'm back, baby!

I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel.

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer.

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah!

For A thOusand summers I Will wait For you

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second. I'm getting an idea.

When hope was high and life worth living I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving (SCREAMING) What the hell is that?

Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING)

All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender!

Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother. Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage. Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for!

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh? We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends.

Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back.

Who am I? For I have... amnesia! Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia!

Yeah, me too now. Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter! Duck! Take your base. Please, lady! I want to live. Can I use bat to protect head? Ow! Apparently not.

Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

Leela is Clobberella? You're pullin' me! Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone.

Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere.

All right, let's get this party ended. (BOTH MOANING)

(SCATTING) (BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez.

Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have. Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait.

I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer. Moreover, the crash totally destroyed our ship. So, we're stuck here until someone finds us?

Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature. I'd like that. Oh! What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you?

And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo.

I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me.

At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere.

Hey, what kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.

He's come to finish the job!

Bring on the one called "Leela."

Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

(SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

(ALL EXCLAIM) That was a sick move, yo! Thank you. I have no idea what that means.

What really matters in life is that people care about you, whether it's a whole crowd, or just one diehard fan. Aww.

What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.

And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested. As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch.

What? Look here. Hunting is a team effort, and you're not pulling your weight. Now, I'm going to be sporting and give you one more chance to run. Thanks. Nothing's more important than sportsmanship. (LAUGHS)

You look great. But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy,

Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon.

It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant. Your insightful nagging really won us over.

Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually... We know all your sins, Bender and for each one, we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen?

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa.

(SIGHS) Then we have no choice. We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started. We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg?

- He's trapped! - Hooray! Now we can make toys again. Toys! Toys! Toys! And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night. Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh!

He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him.

Also what and how? MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose. It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers. And I saw it lactating earlier. Wait, who said that? (GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship. Ew!

My folks were honest, hard-working people.

Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You Clobberella

The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas. Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops! New York is so burned!

The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor. I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa!

Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you.

Orange? Purple?

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird...

Morbo can't understand his teleprompter.

No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

(ROARS) (SCREAMING) (YELLS)

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel.

And you used to wear a size three cape. But not anymore! Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood! What if we help you get your passion back without the hassle of mutilating me? Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars.

The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow.

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now.

This is awesome. Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love? If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research.

Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER) (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa!

my blushing translator and I have business to tend to. In the meantime, enjoy the comic stylings of Nixon and Agnew. (PLAYING PIANO) Oh, Mr. Agnew? (GRUNTING) Munda, tell the Admiral that by signing this peace treaty,

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

Fry, delete that. Delete that right now! What? Oh. Okay. (CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit.

Hey, Flatso, how do we get out of this two-bit dimension?

you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back!

You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender! Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app.

Nice catch, idiot.

You heard me. What's wrong, Mommy? It's those damned anchovies. That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them.

Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me?

FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000?

Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me. What's wrong, Mommy? It's those damned anchovies.

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores.

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing. One year to go. Six months.

That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole. Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure.

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day.

Nixon out! (HOWLS) No!

Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back. Rich nephew! Come over here...

Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough.

Maybe there's another way. Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff. What am I doing?! What have I become?!

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him?

Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking. Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub.

Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us!

Try and stop me. Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff?

I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness. Hang on! I need to do some calculations! The decimal goes... carry the seven... got it!

I hate the planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry.

My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger? Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left.

It is... acceptable.

Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket! Oh, Leela! Professor? What did you do to the Planet Express ship? And why are you wearing a leather lab coat? Because unlike you, I'm cool.

I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener.

And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again. would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him.

Hmm... This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it. Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do?

How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero.

Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%.

Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards.

Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons.

Ah, yes, the Farnsworths boast a proud and distinguished lineage.

Yeah, but now it's the distant future. Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of? Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

One, two! one, two, three!

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

(SIGHS) Now what? I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on. I might dress up in a face if you ever took me anywhere nice! Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves!

$3 at the drugstore. I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here, I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people. How dare you. You want to understand something? Look at that lake.

Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job,

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast! Fish.

That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we? FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it! Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers,

(ALL SCREAMING)

Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock?

Let's just hope the experiment's still in here. Yes! We're saved! And now, to present the awards, our very special guest. He walked on the Moon, and now he is judging a high school science contest.

What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia!

(LINDA READING) As the Iowa caucus approaches, the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob. MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram.

(BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

Look, I'm not saying Bender's not great, but have you ever considered that maybe he's, you know, not that great? You're just jealous. No one loves you 'cause you're tiny and you're made of meat. Could you maybe pay a little more attention to these asteroids?

That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite. I just hope they like me. And why wouldn't they? Yes, yes, I know-- tiny, meek, uninteresting. Spare me your tedious life story, Kif. And above all, have fun.

Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo! They got medals. I'm real sorry I missed the mission.

Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What? Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

Now, wireless joe jackson-- There was a blern-hitting machine. Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns. I mean, come on, wireless joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels. Oh, and I suppose pitch-o-mat 5000 - was just a modified howitzer. Yep.

(ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut.

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean? Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was. Well, whatever it is, we'd better figure it out soon because that ship will reach Earth in two weeks. (ALL GASPING) That's a hell of a slow ship.

Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound? Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like?

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997.

(SNORING) (MUFFLED YELLING)

Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage.

Futurama. Noun. Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for?

Strike! In your face, Leela! Ow!

We were defeated in battle.

I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby.

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse. And, otherwise, I can never die?

Very good, Mr. Guenter. Wow. Smart and cute. What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive.

(KIDS LAUGHING) (GRUNTS)

I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

Oh, go on. Get out of here before you get caught. Bender, good news.

It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda. You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This. Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist. But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished.

(SCREAMING) Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands.

Uh-oh. Still awake. I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Uh! Oh, my gosh! I better get a sponge! Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge!

It's Zoidberg, the lovable tramp!

(SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through! No, no, no, no, no!

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner. Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys! I shanghaied us some hearty grub.

It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science.

Ah, Wade Boggs. Goes down smooth. Look, I don't wanna be in this exhibit. That's why I need your help-- so I can be one tiny iota less pathetic than you. Oh, I can't help you play better than Tiny Iota. That guy was great. But I'll teach you everything I know.

Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

However, my client made no such decisions! But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot,"

I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me...

So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts. No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub.

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum?

I'm up to something here.

Howdy, folks. Come on in. Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS)

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal. Uh, sir--

You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool?

Victor said so. No dog food for Victor tonight. Okay. The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000. Oh, I will have to ask my manager.

No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game. Now let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex Fourteen, okay? Leela, you've got mail. It's not spam. Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar.

I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot.

I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

Yaah-- Aaah! He-- Help! When I screamed, "Help," I didn't mean you! I apologize. However, I was able to do your job before I saved your life.

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny. But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair.

the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow! Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age.

Hey, cool cape. Where'd you get that?

We now go live to the delivery room, where we're already at there. (MOANS)

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack!

Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool. Where are we ever gonna find a lawyer to take his case? I'll ask the head of the A.C.L.U., once he's done singing. Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night!

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already.

Get ready. We's gonna jump off at that switching prism up ahead. We're going nearly the speed of light, so, uh, roll when you land.

We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

Ooh! Malachi, jr.! No! Daddy? I can't hold much longer. My arms are tired from hugging. Save him! Save my son, oh, Metal Lord!

Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn.

Mmm! Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out.

What is this, Mercury?

Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

He found a way. For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan!

a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite!

I mean, I know you're both items, but--

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties,

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Behold once more the mighty Clone-O-Mat,

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power!

So, little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery? "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap."

Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance. But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now. Hear my words.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public. No! Get away from there.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

We're gonna get fired.

Cheers. Cheers. So, tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler? Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute. You don't have your own body. No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam.

Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces.

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow!

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

Stop pecking me!

Like the Kardashians.

Looks like everybody's got somebody... except me. And me.

(MOANS) Ow! Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny.

Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms... I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away? It's time to kick some shiny metal ass! You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think.

Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle. Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body!

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man.

Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense. We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus,

Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure!

I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad...

Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes.

We're back, baby. And we brought you a little something. (ALL EXCLAIM) It's okay. Leela's just changed a little. More than a little. She's beautiful!

that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next? Well, I guess reality is what you make of it.

I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight. I understand. My God, that poor kid.

Stands back. I'm gonna puts my moves on her. Whoa-oh-oh-ohs! That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level. Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping.

That's my fiancÉe, Mildred.

I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela. Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I?

Warships dismissed!

Sure, baby, I know it.

I have a devious plan. Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up.

We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow!

What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine.

For real? There's been enough violence on these streets. Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered. So, yo, we sent you a crate of weapons as a sign of trust. Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy, giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture.

But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud! Oh, this is all my fault!

And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty. Ah, the 67th Amendment. I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked.

It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly.

I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it! Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities?

Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up. Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us!

Anyone who pays attention to the lichen is unknowingly feeding it. But gaze upon its face, even in a photograph, and your very life force will be sucked out, leaving you a flaccid husk. So the picture robbed them of their souls? Souls? Don't be ridiculous. It's their life forces that have been stolen.

I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something? Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh. Come, lad, take my hand and I'll explain why I find you so repugnant.

(ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here, but we desperately need you back. Really? I don't suppose there's any chance I could get a promotion. Sure. What the heck? I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy.

Zoidberg, what are you doing here? And what's with all the money? It's my eight million dollars. God gave it to me. Come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money.

Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right.

Hey! Turn that damn music... up! Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies! Try these, um, sir.

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us.

This is our chance. Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this. Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream.

The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars.

I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.

(ALL CLAMORING) You, sir, have been outfoxed. I spent all night on that. It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really?

Aha! Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum.

You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam! So this is Little Neptune. Yep. Every chef knows this is the place to get exotic gourmet ingredients.

But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

Ah, so far so good on this one. And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo!

Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs! Scandalous.

I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me.

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too. Perfect. This ought to make me stand out.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus! They're all dead, and their bones are gone. This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die.

Bender, quick! Waggle something! Uh--

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send.

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream.

Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it! Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw.

Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree.

You guys distract the were-car and I'll kill it by plugging its exhaust pipe with this silver potato.

Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out!

In other words, no. Ohh!

Bender, you risked your life to save me. And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third time. But that would be it. - Mmm. - Mmm.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

Two, four, six, eight. Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck

Fire me, iffen you dare.

Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing?

I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so." Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa,

ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei?

All glory to the hypno-toad.

Leela, are you there? No. Oh, yes, you are. I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers to a special reception...

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

You are now dead.

(ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow! Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless. Okay, deep breath, deep breath. Dr. Lesterman?

Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

Oh. That's a little bright.

Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank.

(SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh... Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.

Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who! But we already have a client signed up. We're delivering the Daily Supernova. So your delivery company is just a cute, harmless paper route.

What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful.

No, that's what Almighty jah made us

Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam!

You sayin' my son's a Commie?

Bloods on the Mobius strip. When will these kids learns? (SNIFFLES) So now what happens?

Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

Oy. I lost another one.

Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs. Lightspeed fits today's active lifestyle whether you're on the job or having fun. Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch.

In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes!

Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks. Oh. It's you. Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting,

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here!

Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender.

Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet. I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands.

It can't be real Not if Leela is engaged That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage

Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

(ALL GASP) I told you not to look. So, you're not from Earth after all. Of course I'm from Earth. Wait a second. There's no Earth certificate, but it does say your mother was admitted to the maternity ward. This morning! (GASPS) (SIGHS) I should have known the truth would come out sooner or later.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable.

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay?

(SIGHS) That was close.

The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV.

you May have to litigate But don't worry

We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic.

Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating. Voila!

Go satisfy your bend lust, and don't you come back to work until you do! No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya!

but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final. What?

Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops!

Yo, boss, not everything. (EXHALES DEEPLY) (CELLPHONE RINGING) Hello? Dad?

Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that. I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy.

Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer.

They must have fallen into the crate. Aw, Leela's going to kill me. Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Ah! The exact center of the Atlantic Ocean. This seems the logical place for fish to congregate. So, we're in international waters? Indeed so.

And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people.

(GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now? (LAUGHS) (SOBBING) (NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant. $3 at the drugstore. I'm so sorry I ratted you out,

There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box.

I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods! (SCREAMS) How does it feel to be the hunted?

Oh! just like old times. Gosh. The bars on the windows seemed so much thicker back then. Mr. Vogel? Remember me? Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you! You used to say that all the time.

They fit together? I said no such thing. And then I died! (GROANING) You're right, Professor. This thing doesn't fly. Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous!

Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension! Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent. No, it isn't. Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria,

Less reality, more fantasy!

I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous.

Greetings, Execubots. It is I, Calculon. But you're dead. Can we get you a water or something? No, just my old leading role, for I have freed myself from death's icy grip. If you'll just give me the keys to my trailer... MALE VOICE: Hold it, Calculon. As president of this network, I believe that's my decision.

You're not ambitious. You should be chief. What do I need? Ulcers?

Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.

Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator. Kif, just trust me for once. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops!

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy? Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

It's not working out, Fry.

Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary! Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff. Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel.

Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on! Pardon me. I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl,

Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island. Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside.

Help! Police! You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor. (GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant.

You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

Fry. I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever. Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS)

Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela! It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him.

But-- But-- Don't be a prude, Fry. Mmm! Boy!

Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!

Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir.

Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast.

It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although...

Glad to hear it.

I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud.

Alas, that mine only son... should sink into an irreversible, permanent... coma. Permanent? That's completely out of character for Antonio. I'm getting up. Curse the tragic wildebeest accident that--

(NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees engage rotor. I know how to make love. Here, let me do it. Lousy arm must be rigged.

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

I am. I already did. You can count on me. Now, here's the plan.

Sweet reawakenin' of me, a Jamaican-in. Hermes, you're alive. And practically rhyming. Wife, Son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts,

(SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory. Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

Uh, oops! New York is so burned!

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying.

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with?

Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres!

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they? Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them.

There he is! All right! Closure!

Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage. I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now.

And I want loose women! The kind that aren't afraid to show a little ankle. (WHISPERING) Or elbow. No visitors. I'll lose my job. Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

Pizza dinner on me.

Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone. I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela.

So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door!

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you.

My ass is my soul mate.

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent.

Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah! Here you go. Hot off the nebula. None too soon. While you were gone, the Trotters held a news conference to announce that I was a jive sucker.

All right. Can we try not to complicate this?

There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process. That's birth for ya. Well, we've given them a great start, Amy. And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children. I'll be ready then.

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you.

(ALL EXCLAIM) That was a sick move, yo! Thank you. I have no idea what that means.

"I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead." "I will now make my closing statement.

Well, I got my shield for stopping Bender. (ALL CHEERING) But, then I got fired for tipping off Bender.

Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh! Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so.

Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!

He can't hear you, Bender.

(BOTH CHEERING)

And it's mandatory!

(GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill! No alcohol? (SCOFFS) And you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine? I call myself Bev.

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem. We'll each have to search a universe.

No, that's not true.

That's a record. Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out. Yeah, me. I set the record. (SCOFFS) This is as useless as those pictures you photoshopped. Look, just give me one more chance. I got a source. Well, you did manage to get a tremendous urine sample. Let's not talk about that.

In conclusion, bullying in the workplace is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. - Out of my way, fatty! I'm practicing. - Whoa!

(GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines. You leave kitty cat alone! ALL: (EXCLAIMING) Kitty cat. People, please, I'm trying to run a business, so I get to hold kitty. Here, puss, puss...

Enough, you babbling boobs!

All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool!

Good as new? Yes. Leela, Zoidberg, the rest of you, this is Flexo. Sweet llamas of the Bahamas!

(SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up!

(CRYING) The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want.

Who are you again?

10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck!

Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that. Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month.

Noooo! She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Ah!

I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now.

Wow. This is all so confusing. Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain. I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species,

Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human! Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on.

Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen. Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg!

Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure.

It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk.

Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no.

Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

I'm sorry. I thought you was corn.

That would explain this heat. And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

You mean I'm invisible? No, no, no. Not in any sense of the word. But essentially, yes, entirely. (POUNDING ON DOOR) JOEY MOUSEPAD: It's no use, Zoidberg. We're, like, 85% sure you're in there! Where is that rat?

I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender. Hello. I am Victor. And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated.

It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

What's this? It's some kind of chicken hat! It's cute. So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad? (ENGINES FIRE) (GRUNTING)

Nightfall? How can you tell down here? The tide is coming in. Quiet. The beast approaches.

You can sleep in the barn.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone. I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela.

just going through a lot of things right now and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly. Maybe a rock star. Or maybe a doctor. I'm sorry, Zoidberg you're just an inferior male specimen.

Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

Boy, what is the deal with the ocean? A tropical island, huh? Well, I've washed up in worse places.

Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction.

"High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"?

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing...

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap.

I think Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in.

All right, all right. I'll bust you out.

Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."

Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes.

Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing. Oh second thought, I'll take that one. Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment. Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished?

I don't know if you've heard the news, but it's good, everyone.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36.

Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls?

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement.

Well, let's get looting.

I meant ass whiplash.

The only treatment is an incredibly expensive operation that just delays the symptoms for a few months.

This! You for this. Thanks!

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

I don't know the mass of the Higgs boson.

I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings?

Welcome, Lord Nibbler. Welcome acknowledged. I bring with me the Mighty One. Huh? At last, our centuries upon centuries of waiting have achieved fruition. Aw, aren't you a fuzzy wittle guy.

As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the-- I-i don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube?

Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap. Hey, what's rattling around in there? It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Ah, marriage. It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Well, I best mosey on down to the landing. Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail. You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup.

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped.

If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING)

Fry, we've got to discuss your living arrangements. We've all talked it over, and-- Hey, All My Circuits. Move over. Ah! Fry, sometimes in close quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it. I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters"

I may be identical to you in every possible way, but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you. Yeah, well... whuh? I don't want to be an inventor. I want to be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science fiction cartoon writer.

Mmm... As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree?

Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon! Bender, you can't even vote. You're a convicted felon. Convicted, sentenced and executed. But Nixon passed a law that says ex-cons can vote again as long as they vote for Nixon.

We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

I feel better now. (HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day?

Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body?

Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society.

Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn?

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY)

you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad.

It shan't take long to strip down your clunker. There's nothing wrong with our clunker. Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners. No, thanks. We're delivering e-waste. Pity. We're halfway done.

And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out. For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing.

None of your business! Get off my back!

Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go?

Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING)

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

Not the magnet. No! No! No!

Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion!

If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.

I always dreamed of being a musician-poet who transcends genres, even as he reinvents them, just like you.

Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you.

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here. They're tastier than an unguarded penguin nest. What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles.

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate.

We sure are cheerful this morning.

who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

We'll meet again Don't know where I don't know when But I know we'll meet again

Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over. Fine, okay.

But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

(TRAIN HONKING)

Sorry for the face blast, buddy. But you gotta watch out for humans, right? They're just too dang unpredictable, what with their free will and all. Amen, brother. "Amen, brother"? (SCOFFS) What a boring, predictable thing to say. You're all right. Or are you?

Eh. I've seen bigger.

Not often though. Mmm.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages.

Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey.

Sign here, please. I'll just use my opposable thumb.

What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

They blew it up!

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap!

In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw. (CHEERING)

Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going!

Who wants a fish? Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right. Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy!

I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly.

So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated. Come on. It'll be fun.

and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant? Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love.

Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy.

What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh! To the torture cave!

I got nervous, and I started thinking about neck bolts. Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like-- What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms. What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them.

But I say it's you who should get a nice lesson! So do your worst, because no punishment... could be bigger than denying me my freedom! You are hereby sentenced to death.

And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes.

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

Good news, neuchachos. The ship is nearly repaired. Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING)

It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet. So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please?

Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically." You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters!

All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. Now...

This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing.

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor.

Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you. Zoidberg? (POPPING)

I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes!

Negative, bossy meat creature.

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back!

A hundred dollars a week! I'm so sorry I teased you back then. Let me make it up to you. I can fix it so no one ever makes fun of you again. You mean, by beating them up? Because I've broken that blind kid's nose, like, ten times, and it doesn't make any difference.

Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection. (ROARING)

Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS.

Oh, my! And sure enough-- Like Granny said,

I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

Why can't they go today?

I'm leaving you. There must be people somewhere.

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology. Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned?

Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return? just your hands, my dear. Whatever you said, forget it!

Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."

What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy? No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon.

We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm.

Well, that was an utter waste of time.

Now, without further ado,

They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

Whoa! Dwight! Help me!

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'.

Holy moly! Lady, you don't know me, but my name is Abner Doubledeal. Wait, I know you. You're Abner Doubledeal. I brain-scanned those little nose-pickers during your story,

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

(GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

(SCREAMS) Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of.

This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh!

50, 45, 40. It's all over.

(POUNDING ON DOOR) JOEY MOUSEPAD: It's no use, Zoidberg. We're, like, 85% sure you're in there! Where is that rat? DR. ZOIDBERG: Zoidberg's not here.

even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor.

In other local news disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan today when a titanium mine collapsed trapping 1,000 robot workers. What? Lord have mercy! Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years.

BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what?

We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood.

I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry. I guess he realized I was right when I told him to go back to the jungle. You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain?

Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

I said, "Sit." Bad fish! Oh. Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your death clock. And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa? Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place.

Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six--

Well, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open and honest way. Yeah. Either that or be a man. Okay, I've constructed an elaborate lie.

Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero!

Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner!

Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War.

Yes, sir, sirdy, sir, sir, sir!

Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See?

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree.

Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful!

Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth! Of course!

Bad news, friends. My shell ran.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew,

Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here?

What? Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring.

Yeah, I suppose. Wait. This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly, little tree grow big and strong. (PEOPLE YELLING)

It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century. Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

The robot has to go.

But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops.

My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise. They will not eat everyone on Earth.

Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family,

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around.

Behold-- When the universe was forged in the crucible of the big bang,

(GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send. Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send. Greetings, followers.

Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth 'cause your taste buds are going on vacation. I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork.

I've got something, and this time it's alive. Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn!

Prepare for liftoff.

It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"?

You know how testosterone is. As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do. What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

Fry, as a fellow '80s dollar jockey, - I'm makin' you my new vice chairman. - Wahoo! I'm rollin' up the corporate ramp! It's the end of the line. We're ruined! What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

making off with the contents of over three lockers. More like three lockers and a sink. Bender, did you have something to do with this? Of course not! Holy Spitz! He's sporting skintight Speedos! They don't leave much to the imagination. Actually, on a robot, they sorta do.

Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh. The pharaoh has spoken.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees--

for the folk stylings of cylon and Garfunkel! Here's a song that was beautiful... when performed by my ancestor, Art. Are you goin' to scarborough fair

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey.

I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

It's sort of a two-person pyramid scheme. That's marriage all right. That is so unbelievably manipulative! Come on. You never went on a date with a guy just 'cause you were hungry? Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach. Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner.

Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement.

I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

Kif, show them the medal I won.

His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

You got it, Poindexter!

Leela, what have you done?

I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

This here the buffet. Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp!

You go fight biggest brain of all. Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know. Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd,

It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you?

All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies. (GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Zoidberg. Zoidberg.

I'll thinks it overs while I engages this $5 hooker. Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker.

We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted.

Whoa. Whoa. I wish this moment could last forever. Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING)

That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against. - That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you,

Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast.

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand.

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey? Edna!

(LAUGHING) I'm just joking, husband.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella,

Wrong as always, Fry!

(CLAMORING CONTINUES) Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Oh, what's the point of fleeing? Even if we escape from those creatures, we'll still be stuck in this dimension till we starve. Wait. What about a dimensional drift?

It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years.

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later.

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang.

I'm walkin' on sunshine hmm-mm-mm Sunshine

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

Enough good ones, everyone.

(BLOWING NOSE) (BARKING EXCITEDLY) Geez, Philip, I just put Seymour out. Now he's tracking stink in here. By which I mean you. (LAUGHS) Yeah, Yancy, I stink. Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good.

Sorry, but I hold all the cards here. There's nothing you can do. Now if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver... Wait. What fiddle contest?

Very well. Let there be light!

There. Fixed forever.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

"If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda.

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies, it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you.

What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please.

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation. Guess who just killed a woodchuck with his bare feet?

Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree.

You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay. Well, there he was in the tub, all right?

I have amnesia!

It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah!

(FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

Well, I'm out of material.

We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick. Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh! Wh-Wh-What do you want from me? We want you to get back together with Mom.

No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Flies, flies and gorillas!

In fact, forget the park.

The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc.

Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S.

Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances. Cheers.

Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island.

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop!

No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine,

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my.

And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby! No one calls me that!

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter? Every decision we make opens up a universe of possibilities. I put it to you that, as sentient beings, each choice we make is precious. Well, in that case, don't wear them. Ah, who asked you?

Now, while you're greasing the pan and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching?

I mean, unless it'd make you feel bad being a third wheel.

Night, Fry. Huh?

What category are they on? They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are--

The monster won't even know the ship has a basement. Unless you posted it on Facebook, like the last secret I told you. I didn't know that was a secret. Lots of people wear a jockstrap thinking it's a thong. (SQUELCHING) What was that? (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM)

Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here! Quick, Fry, run for it! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh!

Dr. John Zoidberg!

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh!

Enough talk! It's time for action! I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second.

I have nothing to live for, so I don't mind telling you, those pennies are mine. Don't you get it? I'm crazy! (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Go ahead! I don't care what happens anymore. Do it. Bash my head in. (COUGHS) Wha...

That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use. WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom. A new eyePhone? Forget this junk.

Whoo! Follow me.

Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies. Great jah's dreadlocks! There's been a mix-up. This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license!

LEELA: Move it along!

Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. The point is, one vote can make a difference.

We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis

"Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah. Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth.

"The Grumpy Snail." Sorry.

I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening. Everyone, help Mom find her bra. Ew! There it is.

No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy!

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled." Oh, Lord. "Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING)

Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds.

who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

Why must I be such a coward? Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men.

Yes, but not by enough. Score! This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo!

Pathetic human race. Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

Now there's no way to stop this marriage without hurting Calculon. But he's an actor. If there's one kind of pain he can handle, it's soap-opera pain.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second.

Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Well, he'll make a nice heap. I am Animatronio, guardian of da Vinci's great secret. He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue, then dispatched me hither to await his shadow society of intellectuals.

(ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship.

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh!

ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges!

Hello, Lrrr. Lrrr! Put a stop to this right now! Okay! Okay! Quit nagging! Lrrr, why are you yelling softly with the purple-furred one? Uh, it's nothing, my queen. He messed up my hair. I'm missing a leg!

N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'.

So, what changed? Only Fry could say, and he's gone. Hey. Bender and Leela are back from Pandora. How was it? Awful. We had nothing to say to each other, so we had to listen to Bender's Eagles album for 27 hours. Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back!

Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff. Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo! What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that?

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money.

The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides. Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--" Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean.

How ridiculous! Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you. And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that. Okay. Okay. I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans.

No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

No, it's not! (MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You. Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits.

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

sorry about crushing your body like that.

Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No!

Oh! I hate that rodent.

Oh, no! We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that? I never should have thrown out the manual.

This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error. You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just--

Sir, what rescue operations are planned? The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives.

Now cough up the $12.95. Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free. It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him.

That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment.

And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come.

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks.

The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it.

Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot!

It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy. Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Oh, my God, cover your eyes! Come on, we better talk to the zoo director. Mr. Zoo Director, we don't know you and you're facing away from us, but you have our friends caged up and... (GASPS) Dr. Banjo?

Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING) Neat.

None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical.

The Cavern on the Green.

(HORN HONKING) HERMES: Sweet robot swan of Botswana!

MOM: Hell, yes!

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

He may not be perfect, but do we really want some unknown new guy? I'll stick with the evil maniac I know, thank you.

Be gentle! Yahoo!

First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

(ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus. Damn it, son, lose the tissues. You're ruining Thanksgiving dinner. I'm busy with my space experiment. I can't devote precious brainpower to blowing my nose.

Pizza dinner on me. just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want?

but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender! Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot.

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi.

I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Ahh. Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right?

Ooh! Uhh! The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect... is a miracle. Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon...

Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available.

What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa!

And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler. Aw. Bender's going to be killed! You know what else I could use?

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there.

Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

I can't shoot you. Bender, I found your trigger finger. Now I can. But I won't. Not with so many witnesses.

Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die.

No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job.

Tell them I hate them. As we sail down the river of Slurm you'll see our mixologists at work. They take 900 of the finest ingredients add a touch of childlike delight and mix it all with glacial spring water from our glacial spring water generator.

until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life!

Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters?

No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers. They're getting big and scaly. Ooh, there's one left. Mama.

The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy.

So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

That doesn't sound like me.

Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

My Speedos! Depth at 45 hundred feet...

Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag. I love it even more than I love my seven wives. That's right. I'm a polygamist. Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope...

No, no, well... I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

Then we're down to our last hope, a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon. The correct answer is "very."

Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Wah-hoo! I found her! What do I do now? Download her. Let's just put a blank robot in the drive.

It's every man for himself!

You're breaking up with me? I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun. If that's how you feel-- I'm sorry, but it is. Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day?

Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere. My Tanqueraydar is going crazy. (BEEPING GETTING FASTER) Ha, ha. Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant. (FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

This planet's got it going on.

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid...

Y'all come back, now, you hear?

Bender's odor is so mild, it's being overpowered by local sources. Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'.

We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys. Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out.

(LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret. I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs!

My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING) Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains.

Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted!

Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off! (GAGGING) (GRUNTING) Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here.

Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere.

I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas. I'll get us out of here.

Was his apartment rent controlled?

(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) Dance, slave, dance.

(GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button. But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars!

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order...

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need. Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing? Like you've ever seen a salad. My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door.

(FRY SNEEZES) Hello?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

Welcome back. Our next guest... has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years.

Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network. Aye, aye, sir. Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue.

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes.

All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together. It's not too late. You can still win the election. No, I can't. The Earthers are right. I have no Earth certificate. But you will have one in just a few hours. And everyone will know it's real, 'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV.

Halt! Visitors are forbidden. Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in.

Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

Whoo! I've never felt so energetic! (SCATTING) That's because the doomsday device I shoved all up in you puts out 50 gigawatts. That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING)

Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Permanent deportation, you mutant.

Whoa. Whoa. I wish this moment could last forever. Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING)

Ah! the probulator's done. Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start.

Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mama. Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there?

Look at my crazy passport.

performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the-- Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life? My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please? Well, if it's what you really want.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it,

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo!

Oh, Land o' Goshen.

The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thoraxed... Don't be applying your Eurocentric standards of beauty to me, fool.

We can't make it tonight. We'll set up camp here by this shoe. Gentlemen, when that sun rises in the morning, we're toast. These are our last moments together. So if anyone's got any good fart jokes, now would be the time. Ugh.

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

Kif, you did it! But how did you know the dynamite would work? I once took a seminar in ejecting chickens from a sand dune. The principle's essentially the same.

Sir, please. I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it. Very well. But your bureaucratic license will be revoked if you fail to sort the master in-pile by closing time. 1:00 p.m. That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat.

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions.

I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

There is no windshield. Who needs a big, breakable piece of glass when we can just monitor everything on the padded dashboard display?

That was a hell of a massage.

Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style.

Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps.

I thought I heard the doorbell, but I see it was the "dork-bell." Man, you funny. Good one, Brett. Now, now. No need to give us the business. We'd like a word with your daddy. Whatever. Dad!

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you.

Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING) Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face!

Her? She's just a bossy friend.

FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker.

One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich!

Work goes fasters withouts no secondary sex characteristicses at which to hoot. Now who wants to sings some Christopher Cross songs? (EVERYONE AGREEING)

Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm...

and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way. (TAPE BEEPS) (RECORDER CLICKS) Nice to meet you, Larry Bird. Okay, let's clone us a whole team of Larry Birds. Now we can practice for the big game.

(ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty.

Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes.

Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults.

You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

And finally, I'm sure you've all noticed the fabulous chandelier you'll be delivering. What? Where? Up there. (ALL EXCLAIM) Nice. It's extremely delicate, so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it! Fry did it! Did what? Just practicing for later.

You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought. I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison. There is still one hope. You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right.

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching!

I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system.

Picture time. Everybody get together. (ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg. (WHIRRING) Ooh, yeah. That's stable, baby. Just need to pick a lens. Let's see, zoom lens? Nope. They Live lens?

Futurama. Noun.

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading.

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you.

And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait!

All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING) (ALL GASP) Ah, look at the cute little... Aah! I was gonna go yachting in those feet!

Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose. What kind of lazy ending is that? I'm not gonna put that in my song. Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd.

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him.

Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right? No question. So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working.

How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around. Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal?

Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies. Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on.

We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Hey, hey, wait... It's doing something. I'll protect you. Hi... Ow!

All hail the Metal Lord! So hailed! Mm. Those peewees think I'm God, huh? Hard to blame 'em. I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord. It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord."

All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid.

but I know something that can. Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left.

I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession. There's nothing personal about this.

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever. Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive?

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Permission to come aboard?

Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer!

especially me-- Bender.

Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there. This is torture.

This creates an unrealistic standard of beauty. Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me.

No. We do have concept of ownership.

I want to hear how it ends.

Radio City Mutant Hall.

That's like digging up Lassie and putting her on display in the Louvre. - Lassie is on display in the Louvre. - I know. I was deliberately describing a similar situation. Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect.

And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself. Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out.

We're finally making more money than you guys. Aren't you impressed now, Pops? Aren't you? Aren't you? Uh, in a small way, yes. But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things. Hello. Our dads are never impressed, no matter what we do.

Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination?

It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life.

Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

The loot! The loot! The loot is on fire!

Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

(ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed!

Uh, no. Um, I think he's at his parents. Oh, i see. He didn't fly there in another spaceship, did he? Bender? No. He's an old-fashioned, one-spaceship robot. - Look, I'll tell him you stopped by, okay? - Okay.

That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit! There's no backup copy of me? That's what I just said, you mortal coil. So, if I die... You die. Or as you put it... (RASPS)

Heart. Take. I've got four of them.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Welcome to the world of tomorrow.

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

I'll start at "N" for nude pictures. Aw, Nobel Prize? That's no good. How about "A" for adultery? What? Straight-A transcript? (DOOR OPENS) TRAVERS: Hey, what's that rifling sound? Uh-oh. (GULPS)

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online. We are on line. But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry!

You know, Fry I've got a little place just outside town. You could come visit, maybe? Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club.

There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich.

Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew.

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots...

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course.

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy. Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

Let's see. If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here. Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes.

He's right. I've got to start investing wisely. Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.

Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow!

I'll have to start at the bottom. But Fox already said no.

Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things?

I don't understand. Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela?

I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects. So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start. So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles?

And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either.

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what.

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party.

I don't know how this was supposed to work.

I hope he'll be okay in there with all those big animals.

I can't. I'm a vampire.

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while Like numbers beyond what you can dial Maybe it's because we're so versatile "Style, profile," I said It always brings me back when I hear, "Ooh, child" From the Hudson River... Impressive. They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate.

If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time.

Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.

so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. I love you, buddy.

Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed.

(ALARM BEEPING) (GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15!

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face.

You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler.

And now, to make sure you won't talk...

Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough.

I didn't know that was a secret. Lots of people wear a jockstrap thinking it's a thong. (SQUELCHING) What was that? (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run!

What did you do to the Planet Express ship? And why are you wearing a leather lab coat? Because unlike you, I'm cool.

That's not really a question.

Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand. She's all yours, buddy.

Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh! Ouch!

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall?

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

Soon your trousers will slip the surly bonds of Earth and ascend to the heavens. I'm gonna blast that balloon! No way will I let God get my pants!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am! (ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire.

Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans.

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man, who, if you go somewhere with him, no one says he's crummy. I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor.

To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss. Please come join me on the planet of your birth. Coordinates follow. Well, too bad we've got to make that urgent popcorn delivery.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl.

No! It's under here somewhere! We just have to bust our way down. Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky! (GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING) (ALL GROAN) LEELA: I found the satellite!

(PANTING) What now? Humidifier. (GROANS) Fine. Yes? Where's that chicken soup we asked for? Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there.

I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless.

The short answer is, I'm teaching.

Five, four, three, two,

Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever.

Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there! (SCREAMING)

Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody. My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

And Super King, the best one of the three! Go, go, go, New justice Team Go, team, go, team Team, team, team Who's the newest justice team The New Justice Team

Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish But its ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally newish

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes? That could be a response the aliens are waiting for!

But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING)

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island.

Move it, Fry! - Well, so long. - Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go! (IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend?

keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology. Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

Wow, I love symposia. It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention and the best one wins the academy prize. Sounds boring. Oh, my, yes, but not this year because my latest invention is unbeatable. Behold... the death clock.

Hear my words. I believe I, the most humble member of Action Delivery Team, could do such a dance. (LAUGHS) Surely your hard shell is too rigid. I call on anyone but you to do the peace dance. (GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help. Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate!

Approved for all audiences! No!

Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home. We'll try to respect your independence and freedom. No! I want the real teen experience-- chores, curfew, the works! Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever.

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

Well, there's a couple ways to answer that. The scales have dropped from my eyes. I'm not the greatest actor ever. I'm a talentless buffoon! And it's all your fault! Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you.

My old girlfriend.

A funerary urn.

- What a cute little... - (WEAPON COCKS) Uh-oh. Brannigan! Get out here and surrender before I get my expletives deleted! And Earth is yours. So, sire, how may I please you?

Religion? Is this another scam to get free yarmulkes? Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive. Wonderful. Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony.

Professor, Amy and I are concerned that... Oh!

Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night. (ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music?

Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm.

All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident maybe a snappy dresser. These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer? I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are. Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship? Destroy them.

Give up the rock!

(KIDS LAUGHING)

Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect.

just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

"Download a celebrity from the Internet." What part of that do I understand? It's simple. You can download a celebrity's personality and appearance into a blank robot. Hey, I have an idea. Let's do that. Onto the Internet you go.

just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X. Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync. I was like, "Save them!" And he was all, "No problem." And then he did it. His new technology is great.

It better be spicy. Well played. Ows.

Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily.

Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh!

Bender! Shut the hell up!

Oh, no! Please, no! Perfect. Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress.

toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges.

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin.

Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think.

Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves.

Those stupid mutants can't do anything. You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

Again, again. Question? What if you had a special moment that you wished could go on forever? Could the Time Button make it last as long as you wanted? Hell, no. This button is for scientific use only. Ah...

All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

You just lost $5.00.

I'm already looking for apartments. Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter--

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route... and earn some extra cash? No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now.

Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away.

Really, it's the steward's fault. Excellent choice, sir.

Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

Let me just wrap that up for you. Who said that?

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for.

Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist.

You see, you'll be protected by my fermion barrier heat-exclusion spray. Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING) (ALL GASP)

Oh, man, why do I have to team up with him? And me with her? And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose.

a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No!

Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher, morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them!

Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer. Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon! It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion.

Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion. Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice. I can't let my monstrous de-boner get anywhere near you. There it is! Well, this is it. You guys wait here. This is going to kill him more than it does me.

Sure, that'd be great. I'll just sit here and feed the mosquitoes. (MOSQUITOES WHINING)

Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes! He looks radiant.

I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry.

Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards?

Of course. I had the same idea. i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go? Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out. Oh, you!

I'm not an effect! You doubt my power?

And now, to raise this beautiful new flag, a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner, Dr. John Zoidberg! You're a nice man, Nixon. Dr. Zoidberg, how's about you take a bite of the flag for tomorrow's papers?

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours. I think I'll go fill up on bisque at the buffet. I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancÉ... all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for. And now, at last, neither do I! Maybe we can figure it out. We? (LAUGHS) Well, I may not have brain smarts,

I am expert in shadowy field of many things. I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room. (CAT MEOWING) Oh, honey, I'm home! (DOOR OPENING)

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow!

Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout-- Destructor, a robotic armored tank whose very use in battle has been ruled a war crime... versus Gender Bender, who wears a pink tutu.

Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

(SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat.

You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever stops to tell you what a great captain you are. Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful, and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand. You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different.

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought. I'm a natural.

Amy, no! Not on your parents' planet! Howdy, Amy. Glad to see you've come back to the country. It's where the flavor is. R.j., this is my boyfriend, Kif. This wimp? You've gone a long way, baby.

And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me,

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum?

Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in. But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet. Ooh. Sorry. What sorry? Our planet stinks. We all know it. Enough with the persecution, I'm saying. Zoidberg, as ambassador,

"My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing? Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you. And to make it up to you, we're killing the Professor for you so he doesn't die horribly from hyper-malaria.

This party pukes! Yeah! The guests were supposed to be here three hours ago. Well, that doesn't mean that no one is coming... or that you two are total losers. Who gave you that idea? All right! They must've all come as a group. Welcome, swingers! Pull up a groove and get fabulous!

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming.

And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight. You're bogarting my patience. Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans. Valentine's Day is coming.

Hey, wait! You can't leave... What?

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow.

She is not with me. Oh, the sorrow! Oh, the shame! I'm sorry. I'm probably just making you feel worse.

Hey, look at that weird mirror.

Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are... BENDER: Faster! Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk...

I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as? Good news, anyone!

rockin' through the night yeah, We got A little ol' convoy ain't she A beautiful sight come on and join our Convoy ain't nothin' gonna get in our way wE gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U.S.A. Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck.

former star of TV soap opera All My Circuits. The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing.

ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really?

For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday, the professor retains the fiery passion of youth. Listen to me, you pompous frauds!

And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender." Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface.

With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle. Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them? Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye. Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you.

AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed.

That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light.

There is but one being who can resist them-- a child of destiny whose bizarre brain-wave pattern... makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack. He is the hope of the universe. The fate of your world-- perhaps all worlds-- rests in his special mind.

All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down-- Even for a second.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh!

Now, which group of heads is good enough for me to hang out with? What do you think, Fry?

Aw, this isn't right. Listen, Bender, if we found your antenna could they still reattach it? Maybe, if we get it on ice right away. Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna?

Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance.

Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away. How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great?

It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers?

I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting.

I am Drrr, doctor of the planet Omicron Persei 8. It appears you may have ingested something toxic. Open your mouth and say "ahhhh!" Ahhh. Good God!

When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House!

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up?

Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open! (EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too.

Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them. Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford? Quiet. There's an ad coming on. Hello, shoppers. It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom--

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh...

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up?

Damn! Then you'll need a disguise. Do you have a marmoset costume? No. Just these marmoset pajamas. They'll have to do. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

Stop! Stop shooting! - It's me, Leela. - Sorry. Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady? Don't you wanna help 'em? Not this way.

Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks. Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date. Half date.

I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor."

I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster!

Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

Ta-da! Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat!

The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous You're welcome.

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help.

And by "me" I mean Flexo. Hey, look, I had fun, but-- - But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

Okay, but good luck making a girlie calendar with only two female employees. Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job. HERMES: And it's excited about you, LaBarbara. First order of business is to put on your uniform and take your ID photo.

I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Uh! Oh, my gosh! I better get a sponge! Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING)

(GRUNTS) Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively.

It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor.

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

Good morning! Geez, who died? I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy.

NARRATOR: These industrious, uh, people, I guess, maintain the various pipes and poop chutes that keep decent, above-ground society functioning. And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning.

(BEEPS) (BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY) (YAWNS) Safe and sound.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery!

It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir. We've gotta bring back the kind of Xmas I remember. Fry's right. It's time to sit on Santa's lap, and hard.

I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him! Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win. But it's a fight to the death!

You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg?

Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. Chairman-san, I came here with one goal-- to humiliate Elzar in a large stadium. I believe I've done that. No question. But the true Zen of flavor is not found in a coliseum. It is found in a small kitchen with friends.

Aw, save it for the cross burning, Adolf.

We're all named Angus.

Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out? Uh-huh. All right.

At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY) Hey, Leela.

the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance,

we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen. (SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, boo-hoo. Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies.

Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen. What?

Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too!

Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop! I say.

And that's how you play the game.

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks.

Our experiments would be illegal on Earth, but up here, I'm above the law. (GUFFAWS) Nice pun, Mother. It's not a pun. It's a play on words! Come on, I'll show you the lab.

Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now. Happy birthday, Leela.

May we help you, strange ones? We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged. There are we, advanced in intellect and morality.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851, in New New York's nerdiest slum-- Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers...

There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins! What's this? Hermes Conrad is closing the gap. He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on!

Well, that's all for today.

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him.

Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd--

I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape.

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship.

I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever--

Now I get it. (MECHANICAL NOISES) Fascinating. Be you man or machine? Mostly machine. Might be a couple of dead cats in there. Dr. Franklin, with all due respect to the brilliant inventor of the stove, I must speak with you.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry!

This is the first actual work you've ever had to do around here. Well, I'm not doing it. It's a robot holiday. Really? Which one? Only Robanukah-- The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar. Oh, come on, Bender. Last month it was Robamadan, and before that Robanzaa. Man, that one was a blast.

Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir! Okay, here's my five bucks. Give me the stuff. Give it to me! Sorry there, sport.

I'd better seduce her a little more, just to be sure. Well, it's late. I should get home to my trailer. I'll walk you out. After all, a true gentlemen tends to his date's every need. Tiparillo? Here you are, my lad.

How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela!

He killed my second-to-last Agnew. Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk! I'm addressing the planet. ROSEMARY: First, brush your teeth! Yeah, yeah.

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible.

You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love!

Cease hitting Femputer. Oh!

You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip.

Oh, my Amy is sweet little girl again. this like a mother's dream. Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh!

I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists. Don't wave your fancy degrees at me.

By my calculations, this head trip will last at most 24 hours. We need to stop that monster, David Farnsworth! Look at the date on this newspaper. April 17th, 1775. Say, on this exact date, the Continental Congress was meeting secretly in New York.

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

Hey, Dad. What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh! This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

No, they fixed that 900 years ago. just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning... I doubt it. Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have-- a soul.

Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade?

How dare he run off with Richard Nixon. Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said

Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat.

Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently. It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you?

Well, that finishes this paperwork.

Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart.

Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit.

Let's watch TV. And so, ladies and gentlemen I'm throwing my head into the ring. I'm announcing my candidacy for the presidency of Earth. Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle. Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice.

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home. You sold my body?! To who?!

You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression...

No! What will I mix with my scotch?

(GRUNTING) (PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING) Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise.

Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement.

My God! It's the Pantheon! This place is 3,000 years old. What could possibly be left to discover? Maybe something about ourselves, Leela. Wait! What's under that blanket?

What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig.

But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all.

What do you think of the view, Fry? It really puts things in perspective. I mean, from up here, an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.

if I don't want to be embarrassed.

Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea.

You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Oh! They jumped right out of their pants!

MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers.

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um...

Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease!

You mean the window? Yes. (HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! I demand extra dipping sauce! How many?

I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole. With that big old caboose, it'd have to be a telephone pole! Hey-o! (LAUGHS) Well, I guess a fellow's got to talk big when he's sporting a little shrivelled up antenna like that. What? (SPUTTERING) For your information, "Madam," it's a grower, not a shower!

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking.

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

He's pending for a bending.

or wear a lame cape. It's not lame, it's lame. And this thing lying on the bed?

nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book. Look, a single mother! Let's get her! (ALL SHOUTING)

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done.

Five, four, three, two--

Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party. I'm sorry, sir. This is a private-- Oh, pardon me. I see you're with Mr. Stallone.

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way.

Wait, I remember this place. They shut it down after all those people caught salmonella from the flume ride.

It turns out it's man.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you.

All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad. A cigar!

And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

I'm sure their God will let them out. - Or at least give them more shoes to eat. - Fat chance! You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!

No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here. (WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP)

(BOTH GIGGLING) (BOTH LAUGHING) Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m.

You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you! Big whoop. I'll just download into a new... Oh, right. If I die, I die. Speaking of which... (MACHINE GUN FIRING) You're right. You're right. You're right.

Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me. Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs?

I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH)

This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock. I think this one's for the knob.

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop.

Security to bar area.

Yet still, I feel empty inside. (GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in. You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep.

imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up.

I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup. Uh, salad. Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity,

Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part?

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers?

Now it's a stain that will never wash clean. Farewell. Cut. That was incredible. Who is this amazing unknown actor? It is I. Calculon? (ALL GASP)

How did this happen?

like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix? For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell... but lead a rich inner life. And also-- Well, you know. You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers?

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Yes. He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours. I do plan to finish someday, Kiff.

Fry! Thank God we found you. Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days. Uh, by the way, I broke your bed. You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening.

Help, Satan! You owe me! Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone?

Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say.

It's the human condition.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again. Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive. May yet? Really? Indeed. You see, that fossil was made of dolemite,

Look how ridiculous they look. Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive.

Ready? Retreat!

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time! Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs!

They know something about me. And I've got to find out what.

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home.

Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow!

How come nobody's ice fishing? Hot cocoa break. Cocoa is for yodeling babies. If you're sober, it isn't ice fishing. (CHOKING) Mom, what's my temperature?

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet. Oh, geez. Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain.

Get him! Whoa! Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads.

Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry. I'm sure the professor can clone you a new nose. Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly.

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz. But that's never gonna happen. Listen, you need something bent, you come to me, huh, champ? Damn it, I love that little guy so much!

Notify his survivors.

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards!

A gold doubloon to the man who first spies the white whale. Big whale over there! Arr! I saw it first. Wait! That no white whale. It gray thinkie whale. Queequeg, let go of me. I have to kill it! Farewell!

Who put this in here?

(CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you.

You do? Really?

Well... (DOORBELL RINGS) (BARKING) (GASPS) Sorry to disturb you all, but Fry needs to get going.

Ow! Heel, boy! Heel! Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy. That's nice.

These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer? I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are. Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship? Destroy them. Mmm...

You can't? Okay, whatever. Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive... for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end!

Oh! They thought this Vaxtron could replace me? A pox on all their beach houses!

What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn!

And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS) Sign here. Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences,

Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones.

Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia?

We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence!

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle? Castle? Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that.

Folks, it's worse than we thought.

Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage. Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right?

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (BEEPING) Interesting. I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999. (GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube. (CHOMPING) I, too, was on Earth that day,

the cold, lifeless touch of her tentacle on my body. She is one juicy calamari. Oh, Zapp, I love you, too. (GASPS) Oh, squiddums! I've been thinking about this for a while,

I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike and junk. Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh. Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful. (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

That story was preposterous.

I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool. Oh, I can't believe they threw me out like that.

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING) Mom, will I ever get to see Dad again?

I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Rest assured, if it rhymes, I can cause trouble in it. Hey, now that you're in the future you can go live in an actual bio-dome. An unattractive prospect. While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed...

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING)

Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty! (WAILING) I have no free will! I am not the master of my own fate!

They're so cold!

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh! As mayor of New New York it's my pleasure to introduce the honorary captain for the Titanic's maiden voyage.

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable.

MacZongo. Angus MacZongo. Major Angus MacZongo. Handsome Major Angus MacZongo, Esquire. Ooh! Handsome and Esquire. I'm Turanga Leela. My crew and I are from Earth. So what brings you folks here to Doohan 6?

I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah.

Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

(STADIUM CROWD ROARING)

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste. This is it. My Ronco Record Vault.

if she ever get married. Dad! Gleesh! Please don't say things like that... when you meet my boyfriend tonight. Ah, that right. We finally get to spend some time with this Mr. Kif. I just hope he's a nice man who can make us lot of grandchildren. This not some parallel universe where you getting any younger.

What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day. Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave?

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh...

Versus, Billionaire-bot!

Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold.

Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

(CRYING) It's true! He did it!

Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

Then, I'll take it. (MOANING)

would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake? I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang? Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live.

What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

(ALL BOOING) For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff. Nice hat! (ALL WHOOPING) But, at long last, this invention will show you. It will show you all!

Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo! Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep. Hey, baby. I'm Bender. (FEEDBACK SCREECHES) (WHOOPS) Gather 'round, yokel wannabes!

Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but your friends are a bunch of freaks. Yeah. They're great, huh? I just don't belong here. I don't know anyone. I can't find a vanishing cream that doesn't make me actually vanish. I don't even have a job. Oh, right. I was supposed to assign you a job. Let me just get your career chip installed.

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING) Lot of weather we're having. Allow me, my lady. (UNZIPPING)

(DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH) At ease, darling.

Ooh. Hefty. You could really bash in a skull with this thing. I know, right? (CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it,

And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake! Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk!

Just like me! (SOBBING) Wow, Bender. This is really important to you, isn't it? Uh-huh! (SNIFFLES) Okay, we're gonna find that shipwreck and get you your backside back. (WAILING) Okay, let's go.

Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

(CHUCKLING) (GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff!

it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING)

Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna!

Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles.

Oh! What happened to the buggalo? They been rustled under cover of storm. We ruined! NO-O-o! Don't worry, Daddy. It'll be okay. Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can? This sounds like a job for--

Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys. The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back.

that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle. Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company. Go satisfy your bend lust, and don't you come back to work until you do! No more bending! No more work!

Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No!

This show is awesome!

And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy.

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender.

with a bunch of frosty cold beers? Hey. Wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour? Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome. - Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome! Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes.

That's thinkin' like a man.

(GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft!

Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful!

Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting.

Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four. I-i mean, five.

You poor little guy. I'm so sorry I-- Bender?

Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender! A surprise funeral for me?

They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society!

But I read in Esqwired magazine that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away. Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing--

Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You. Aren't you getting this? We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6.

Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system. Maybe they could just go warm turkey? No, the Professor's right. We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop. Oh... My guts feel kind of weird. I'm not surprised.

(JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly. Hello. Hello, baby! Huh? Hey, what's going on here?

My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts. Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy.

He was fun. Well, if we get bored looking for the clover, I've got Tetris on this thing. Look, up ahead. Old New York.

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain.

Oh. Ah! My heart!

This is great. I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24.

Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew.

Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling.

Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it. I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever!

My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where? Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you...

"Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

Aw! Is shnookums not feeling shtimuwated? An understatement, to say the least. It's time you treated me with respect.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it!

(SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

(SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with.

I described it to them on the phone using a series of artful euphemisms.

Everyone out of my body, or the brain gets it!

to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time. Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed.

Oh, no, they caught my scent. I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip.

Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah. Maybe a Parcheesi tournament. Belay that Parcheesi tournament.

What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss?

Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger!

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card.

Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing. Of course! Having no mouths or ears, they could only communicate through motions. Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance. But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of.

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot.

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end.

Huh? Hey, what's going on here?

And Zoidberg picks up another piece! The crowd goes wild!

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right.

Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go... There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it? Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented.

Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out.

What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad.

Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

Eyesight is for chumps. Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo!

Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done.

Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um-- What if I can't think of anything to say? Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy?

(GASPS) Gotcha! No! Please, sir, I implore you, destroy that photo of me. It's not just my privacy I've been protecting all these years. If you show anyone that picture, there will be terrible consequences.

But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

We'll have to bring her around again.

Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh! What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense. Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya? I'll come. As long as there's no xenophobes there.

Whoo! (ALL CHEERING) What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm!

He's good all right, but he's no Clem johnson.

Eight to eight. It's a tie. We can't trust a woman's math. Count again.

(CATS MEOWING IN AGONY) MAN: Shut up! (WINDOW SLAMS SHUT) But the technology to save our planet was lost.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

whipping through space at a million miles an hour. Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words. (YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat. (COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth?

More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it?

I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone.

Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Duh! I'm Leonardo! I don't know the mass of the Higgs boson. Duh! I have to draw in pencil, 'cause I don't know how to use rendering software. (BOTH LAUGHING) Stupid Biff! Thinks he's so smart. He looks stronger than you, too.

That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone! Me next!

I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him.

What is it? I burned my finger.

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my-- Gotcha.

In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel. Wow, creativity's hard work. (SLURPING NOISILY) Ah!

(ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station. (TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV!

Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait.

From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again

Welcome to Fenway Park, home of the Boston Poindexters, where the Mets close out a season that will rank among mankind's most awful crimes.

(EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy. Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us.

So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister!

I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone.

What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose. Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade.

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow!

Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech.

And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator. Good night. ANNOUNCER: Mutual of Omicron. Have you insured your planet?

Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough. Score!

It's that obnoxious monkey.

Nowadays, cool kids like me mash up our own phone-isodes. It's from the kidnappers. My nephew is alive! And he's in this envelope. They cut off one of my dimensions! No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us!

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits.

You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

(MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Bort. Of eating right we are very fond when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond (READING TEXT ALOUD)

He only has to stand there Or a cheap doorstop He doesn't need to move Or a great big giant thermos Giant thermos With a twist-off top That would be good for soup He could be a storage closet For outdated pants I like 'em tight

And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years! Psst. Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death, the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers...

(GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee! The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So?

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe!

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets--

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone! This is where you live? I thought you were a big-shot Hollywood movie star.

and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

Whew! Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards. You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry.

Lady what? Wait, there she is! After all these years, I've found her! Oh, my darling! You haven't aged a day! Should we say something? Nah. Let him have his fun. All right. Let's just do what comes naturally.

(SIGHS) I was going to tan once. What do you say, Johnny? It's on me. Thank you, Hubert. (WHOOPING)

Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense. Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial? In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry. Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again.

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping.

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home. Amy? But that means--

The butler, Dr. Zoidberg! Let's see who this so-called butler really is.

Hey, you wrote it!

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

(SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry. (SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony. Who is this non-Washington redskin? I am Singing Wind, chief of the native Martian tribe.

Blech! The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here? It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech!

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic.

There aren't that many humans. We'll wait a few weeks while you shore up the numbers. Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

Precious hamburgers?

(SOFTLY) That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations.

Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold.

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences!

That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested. Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting?

A card from my cousin Zoidfarb. Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

Two. One! Blast off!

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there.

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian?

I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion. If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio?

I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back.

Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats

The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it.

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on!

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela. Our only hope is to communicate with the aliens, and show them our peaceful intentions. Perhaps they speak perfect English, as do we. (LAUGHS) We can't take that chance. We'll need my universal auto-translator.

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again! And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness.

Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary. Our transaction is complete. Come, Solomon, to the lair! Mom! Dad! Oh, I'm so sorry I got you kidnapped...

Ride the walrus. Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd. It's an orangutan one of Mother Earth's most precious creatures.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here! Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes.

Mecha-Hermes has spoken!

He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

Here's your homework, you lucky knob. And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover, I might get sick enough to miss the whole semester. Hey, give me that. No. Give it to me, you faker. No, you're not getting it.

(ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world. (ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry. I guess there's nothing wrong with being a little weird. Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

Smells like a jockstrap.

That's my clover! Yancy stole it!

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next.

In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I-- What a lovely face.

It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car.

All right, Professor, let's do it. Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy.

Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back!

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap.

Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way?

No! Don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them. But how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not? That's like Christina Aguilera singin' in Spanish. Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

She's diving into the fourth dimension. We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist?

Fry! Oh, I just knew you were still alive! I owe you ten bucks, Hermes. Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees.

This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you.

You don't have to do this to prove your manliness. Oh, yes, he does. Here are your mounts. She's got a fine coat. Now, we need buggalo to lure the rustlers. How many are left? You're looking at her. Betsy's the only one left. She was curled up in my hamper when the storm hit.

As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING)

Oh, God... I'm coming down!

We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. Let's go.

Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age... will be to grow into it, just as God intended. He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life? My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look.

They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles?

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead?

Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone. Shouldn't you be steering between the comets?

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell! (MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing.

I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy.

What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation. Repeat customer discount, free meals 'cause I brought my own peanut butter. Whole trip cost less than 600 bucks. But this is a private resort for only two people at a time. Yeah, my week is up, but the shuttle broke down and they're still trying to fix it.

Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call. Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry.

Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser.

That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on!

No! No! Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

I love rocket skating.

Maybe da Vinci painted over something else. It's called a pentimento. That's true, Dr. Zoidberg. How did you know that? My doctorate is in art history. Let's see what's under The Last Supper.

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly! Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu.

Planet Express. Our crew is replaceable, your package isn't. Are there really giant birds like that? No, no, that was all just special effects.

Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks.

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie? Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you?

Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically." You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

You know who McGovern was, right? I don't even know who you are. Hello, dirt. I'll start at "N" for nude pictures.

Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

I'd like to cross-examine the witness. I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not? Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes.

Well, things are starting to look up.

If we really wanna impress them, we'll have to crush them... with strategy "Dwight Lightning."

Today marks young Ben's 13th day of being left on continuously. And so, before the Lord and this congregation, we upgrade him to man-bot. Can I get a mazel tov? ALL: Mazel tov!

George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier.

Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude.

Submitted for your Emmy consideration, a popular senator with unpopular ideas. There is no such thing as space aliens! Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us? I'll tell you how! Because you are one! (ALL GASP)

But, but... It's just a prototype. It's not fully operational. Yes. Then get back to work! And when you're done with that, invent me some sort of swiveling surprise chair. (GROANS) MOM: That shuffling idiot never did complete the free will unit.

Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela. Destination on your left in 0.3 miles.

All right. Let's just do what comes naturally. I'll get things started with a little neck extension... Then a couple of these... And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing?

(CRACKLING) (ALL EXCLAIM) That was a sick move, yo! Thank you. I have no idea what that means. You got a death wish, Professor. Something must've happened in your life that hurt you, just like us.

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair.

If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help. There is. Get in, Nonchalanto. Bertha, no! It would kill you! I have not so much time left anyhow. But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life!

How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS)

Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain.

Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual.

I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox.

To the flying machine!

Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me!

(STEAM HISSES) (EXCLAIMS) Don't try anything, Dr. Brutaloff! I know karate. (EXCLAIMS FEARFULLY) (GUITAR STRUMMING) Then I shot him and stabbed him and stole all his gold

Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated. And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms.

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse.

Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them!

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

Just four days into her maiden voyage, as we approached 32nd Street, the land liner struck a mailbox and went down. 2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment,

This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great. All right, let's get to work.

You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me.

Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

I'm not gonna be blamed for not going. Then it's a deal. We get one night. I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash. Oh! I don't get it.

Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired. This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat.

You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you. Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer.

Either way. (WHINES) Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

(LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

This mission is incredibly dangerous. Someone's sure to be killed. Fry, Leela, Bender-- Damn you, old man!

That offer was for a limited time only. (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why?

What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me! We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again.

Police, bah. Nosy meddlers.

Oh, yeah. Drop another barnyard bomb on us, Vanilla Corn. Yo, fool, it's Mixmaster Festus.

At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

An obsession with completing my delivery. Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him.

That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out. What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

I Will wait For you

I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human! Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete.

I surrender and volunteer for treason. Emergency summons from the president, Captain. Oh, it's you. Just let me freshen up. Computer, Captain's musk. (SIGHS)

Now for some tasty matter. (DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party.

That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo!

So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you. Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor. Lay it on us, big boots. If the Smell-A-Scope can pick up the professor's odor we may have a chance to save him.

You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch.

Ooh! A reception table with muffins!

(CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive? Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it?

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid!

What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth.

You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy.

I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender.

I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters!

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat.

Hey, wait, you were there before? Um... Well... With someone else? Once. With my old boyfriend Sean. But look, that's ancient history, and we need some one-on-one time. I'm up for it if you are. I don't know. You'd probably be thinking of Sean the whole time. Oh, not the whole time.

(GROANS) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) ...and those are today's high scores. Linda?

Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh!

(SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole.

Ow! Where are we? And why is the Slurm pouring into this sewer? This isn't Slurm at all.

What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up!

Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh.

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out,

LEELA: Never mind the ship. What about us? (MUTTERS) Fry did it! We've had it with this flying slaughterhouse. We're having it towed away for scrap, and we're getting a new, safer ship.

I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

- Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it.

Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges.

on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him.

Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough. Thank you, Fry.

(GROANS) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) ...and those are today's high scores. Linda?

Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Merry Xmas. Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela.

Oh, nonsense. You clearly weren't paying attention to what I'm about to say. To the sub-basement!

One. Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it.

This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation. What's wrong, Fry?

bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? Well, I'd say we all learned a valuable lesson about TV there.

Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one.

could produce dozens of deadly offspring. That lucky bastard. I say kill it! But it loves me, and I love it! Kill them both! Killing them seems like a hassle. Can't we just set it free to live with its own kind? Poor, ignorant Leela. The bone vampire is now extinct on its home planet.

All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves.

And what better way to celebrate our success... than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself? Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know...

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water.

I'm 40% scrap metal.

but I think we've stopped the time skips. - All right! jammin'! - Hooray for Leela! And what better way to celebrate our success... than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself? Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know... I think the way you moved those stars around was really wonderful.

Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years. Sir, what rescue operations are planned? The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives.

- Oh! - Wow! How nice for you, Leela. That's so good... for a person with one eye. Hey! You can't feel sorry for me. I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers.

Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly.

Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

In a future year that ends with a 20

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

I'm a trophy girlfriend! No kidding! These gifts have been coming nonstop. I think Calculon's falling for you.

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean.

That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all. Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la!

Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here. All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever. It sure was. Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu. So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

Stop eating Popplers!

Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt? Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives. How was your day?

May death come quickly to his enemies.

If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over.

Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

Well, like what? Well... (DOORBELL RINGS) (BARKING) (GASPS) Sorry to disturb you all, but Fry needs to get going. I was just telling him that, Leela. Mom? You know Leela? Nope. Leela, what are you doing in my dream? The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want?

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy.

This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship... Planet Express ship. I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my.

But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious.

Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit!

To the end of the universe!

I don't get it, Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great. You had just dumped me and were well on your way to getting your life back on track. Why'd you freeze yourself? Oh, Fry, after you left things took a turn for the worse. I got married. I'm sorry. His name was Charles.

(CRYING SOFTLY) Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served.

So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops.

Over here is Wong Library. It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe. Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho.

Bender, since you're not human, you can still go.

Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right.

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Welcome to my life! Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo. Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man?

(ALL BOOING) Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed!

(GROANING LOUDLY)

No, Professor. Don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up. By God, you're right! I'm going to build that smelloscope. Eureka!

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar?

(GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked.

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

No! It's unbearable!

then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

Now, little lady, those people's asses are living things too. Aye! We're hitched up tighter than Davey jones's U-Haul. At ease, men. I am at ease. Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname.

Fry, it's been three days. And even if you stay here the rest of your life, there is virtually no chance of finding him. It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil.

We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

You're welcome.

Hooray! They're letting us out! And hundreds of black hovercopters are coming to welcome us! (ALL SCREAMING)

Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair.

Welcome, friends.

Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on.

So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? A movie-- A movie, ma'am. Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00.

Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school.

This city's been garbage-free for 500 years. Well, then it's time to make some more. Make garbage? But how? Stand back and watch the master. This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage.

Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows!

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain. We all have needs. Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles. I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror. Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position?

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film? We've had digital cameras for a thousand years. Digital? (SPITS) No digital camera can capture the warmth and grain of good old film. How can you even tell? Your eyes are digital cameras.

It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am?

Back in my old uniform. And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig. So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough.

Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending. Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay.

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances. MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers. With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention.

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do.

Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the--

It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

Please do not feed the animals!

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING)

(CHUCKLING) (ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman!

You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain.

Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God!

Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me! Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS) (GRUNTS) (ALL GASP) (GROANS) You guys, again?

Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this.

Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage,

This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now. That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves.

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh. The pharaoh has spoken.

Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am. Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant. Oh, joy!

Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him. Oh, man, I had no idea. If only I knew where he was, I'd go talk to him.

Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion.

What the... No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings! (YELLING) It's not responding! Command Center, override! Override! (BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this.

BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby.

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

(GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again! What crawled up his Geritol? Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past.

(WHIMPERING) Nibbler? Poopsie-doodle?

Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender! Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices. Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best...

This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research. Ahh. Next, assume my social obligations.

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir.

Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon.

Whup his butt! Stop! What are ye doing?

who just wanna kill for fun. Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there. On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

It's that jerk from the truck stop. Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps. I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology.

Hermes, don't press that button!

Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts, but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber! Actually, we only practice martial arts as a form of meditation. We are a strictly nonviolent sect. Oh. Then get in the laundry room, or I'll kick your butts!

I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters. I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (CHUCKLING) Fortunately, I came prepared with a back-up phrasing. Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them. Wait.

I... d-- Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye?

Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen?

we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on.

They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron.

Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING) Neat. Now for the earpiece.

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them?

Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast. You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot. What happened to you?

Fry, this is Professor Farnsworth. Get out of your house and keep moving. You're on a mission. Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you? Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too? Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen.

I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight. Go away.

We'll need scientific samples. Everyone, start filling these dime bags.

Could you repeat that last part? Oh, my God.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls. In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps.

Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me?

We can all get together for a big benefit concert in San Francisco.

Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes.

Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting! I can't stand it! Okay. You can have my hand. Wonderful! just sign here.

Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Come on, woman, just pick something. Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go.

Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still.

Oh, how could Amy leave me? When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create?

(ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop!

Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS)

Your souffle, madam. I shall take it here, under my fork. (EXCLAIMING SOFTLY) (ALL SHUDDERING)

A mass extinction.

Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

The keys to the ship! They must have fallen into the crate. Aw, Leela's going to kill me. Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

of any dish to blossom forth.

Not until I hunt down Inspector 5 and beat an explanation out of him! I'm all for a good beating, but you'll never find him. Product inspectors are bureaucrats, faceless bean-counters who blend into the woodwork. I beg to differ. Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them!

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir...

Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty.

Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered, but you don't need a statue for that. I don't? No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me? Absolutely.

One number three combo.

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before?

You monsters have been eating our babies.

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers! (ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home!

I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely.

being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me.

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend?

LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell. Hmm. I don't like the looks of this V-GINY. Does anyone recognize those call letters? Nope. It's not in the Janeway's guide, either.

Ow! Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal.

da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi. No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and--

Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum.

My work here is done.

Well, I got my tuition back, minus $9,000 for the damage I caused to the dean's wife. Yo, welcome to the gang, Homes. I'm Fabricio. Here's your Jostens ring. Ooh! (COUGHING) Oh, yeah.

Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING) Ew! Why is that happening? And will I have to die listening to country music? Not if I can get you to a better doctor.

(LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry. He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates. He's been working so hard, we barely even see him. It's strange, that. There's nothing strange about it.

Keep an eye on Fry. We can't rule out the possibility that he did it. Aha! Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

It's like being a voice actor.

Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING)

Oh. Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well. I wouldn't mind rubbing my success in a few choice faces. Set a course for adventure!

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes.

Huddled together in fear, like lice in a burning wig. Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten, after all. What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself. Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart. But don't you see? Fear has brought us together.

(ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and... - (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

A-ha! Oops. No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him!

Ages ago, I was the host of a TV show-- Down-home Country Kitchen With Helmut Spargle. But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger,

Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Who put this in here?

(BOTH CHEERING)

Stay here. Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Yeah. She'll be forever grateful from somewhere upwind.

Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today.

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Bender, no! Fry, stay back!

Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency.

and you're not pulling your weight. Now, I'm going to be sporting and give you one more chance to run. Thanks. Nothing's more important than sportsmanship. (LAUGHS) It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute.

(ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown. There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck.

It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat.

This place was a great choice. The food is amazing. And such generous portions. If you liked the meal just wait till you try these after-dinner mints. You know, Doug, most guys are put off by my eye. It's nice to finally meet someone who's open-minded. Ew!

Who is he?! I'll kill him! Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all.

I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load. Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about, right, Professor?

Horse Pepsi okay?

A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw.

(CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender. I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now.

Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing.

I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

Hmm. Sounds interesting. But he would never do it. Like hell I wouldn't. I'm not gonna be blamed for not going. Then it's a deal. We get one night. I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash. Oh! I don't get it.

But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one.

Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you--

Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela.

Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial? In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up! Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

(STAMMERING) Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those!

I'm so sorry, guys.

(ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle?

(CLICKING) O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month. Graduation day.

But, hey, we can still play some beach games. Who's up for some Twister? No! We beta males deserve better. When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect, keeping sensible harems of no more than five. And it begins with me.

C'mon y'all and sing it with me 'Bot wash Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 'Bot wash, yeah Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans!

No! I sold my body. Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

It's the end of the line. We're ruined!

On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism. Or I did, until Mom cured me of my awful disease using genetic engineering. That's why she had me hooked up in her lab. Oh! Well, congratulations. You look great. But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy,

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land.

Oh, oh, and the creator could also be a robot. (SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind.

This is all a big load. I was the one trying to save the Popplers. You were sucking them down like the fat hog you are and you were stepping on them for fun. You both should be in here instead of me. Someone's acting awfully aluminum.

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there?

Hey. What's going on? This is a delivery company, not a delivery room. We just busted our buns delivering a million papers, and this is how you greet us,

Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

(ALL GROAN) And now to transfer your planet's rotational energy to my home world.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation.

"To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership.

Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

In fact, it-it looks so nice i-i think I might get one, too. It's Elzar again! Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants! Leela, please, let me make this up to you. You and your friends are all invited to my restaurant tonight. I'm going to bam you up a dinner you'll never forget. All right!

The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well, I got you this time.

for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice. Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year.

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother?

Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right? (DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time.

Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

get down tonight get down tonight

Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action.

Aw. So that's the situation. Due to the shortsightedness of Old New York New New York is going to be destroyed by a giant ball of garbage. Fry, what the hell were you people thinking back then? How could you just throw your garbage away? Hey, hey, give me a break. What do you do with it?

To honor my pain, I shall star in a film dedicated to her memory. And this time, the Academy will not deny me. Not when they see Coilette: The Calculon Story. Coilette, your death fills me with...

And second of all-- Man, we look stupid. We should have gotten store-bought costumes.

I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe. But who will the robot pull next from the fiery hole of mystery? An actress? A celebrity chef? Stay tuned for the next 14 rescues. Fourteen? (GROANS)

We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure.

welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson! (ALL CHEERING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on.

Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie. Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation... is immoral, illogical and a violation of interstellar shipping statute 437-B. That's what makes it so nasty.

Okay, let's just get in, get out and... Now what? Now we wait for nature to take its course. How long does it take to pass through a moon worm?

The elves are back to work today Hooray! We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts And the labor isn't easy

Distinguished members of the academy I present to you the reverse scuba suit. Observe. Fetch.

He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry. But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out.

April 13. April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question.

Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is...

Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?

Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

Well, we've given them a great start, Amy. And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children. I'll be ready then.

That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency!

And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday, the professor retains the fiery passion of youth. Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried?

will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

It's going totally Kanye.

Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good.

Dating your ex, Fry?

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir. I'm a program built into the intercom. I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here.

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.

You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged.

What's your game, Vitruvian Man? Whoa! Whoa! FARNSWORTH: I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man.

You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess.

Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon.

I'm sorry, Calculon, but someone needs to remind you of the truth. You're a grade-B actor who died and was immediately forgotten. Leela! That's not very nice.

- Go get it, boy! - Ruff! So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

Good afternoon, individuals.

I took the liberty of reprogramming your retirement simulation.

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell. What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here.

to be. So, you really and truly love me?

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you.

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms. We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys. Stop right there!

Look, I just have a common cold!

but I think we should just be friends. No!

Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks. Hey.

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale!

What? What's going on here? Wow!

(GRUNTING) This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink. (YELPING) Hermes?

Faster! Faster! Whoa! Oh! Aah! Aah! Aah!

It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom!

We can't just reduce them to sound bytes.

Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom.

So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily.

LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that? I took a nappie!

(ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING)

by destroying the universe.

Uh... Close enough.

Also, that I'm not much to look at. A wise woman, indeed.

You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

Someone must have used my press while I was poking around in Charlotte. Let's ask my apprentice, David Farnsworth. (GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him! Arm yourselves! I call it the Franklinator.

I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending.

(ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake!

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What?

Looks like a half-eaten cheese diaper. No, next to that. A half-eaten employee directory. Inspector 5's home address! His ass-ias is gracias!

Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is.

This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans.

Oh, sorry. Normally I would've wiped them on my pants, but... (SCREAMS) (THUD) (PANTING) Are you okay? I... Ow! My leg, it's broken. How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants.

(ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer? Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days? The calendar predicts fires, earthquakes,

Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid."

Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one! How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey! Now, this score ain't gonna be no cakewalk in the tea park, all right? There may be some death-killing.

It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper.

there's still a creamy core of dog nougat.

Guys like this really bust my uterus.

Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags.

I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra. Man, I thought you knew that algebra was all razzmatazz! A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes.

Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both.

So, what's this delivery to McPluto? Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday! What's this?

I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here.

Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay.

Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots.

This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real.

And the health plan covers my generic Prozac. Electricity, plumbing, our lives are a jillion times better. And it's all thanks to you, Leela. Don't thank me. I should be punished. I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted.

Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine. Fry, what's wrong? Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles!

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains. Of course. Why didn't I think of that?

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha! Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum.

(ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

Now, listen up. I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two.

Come on. Get in. Hurry up. Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

I'm really sorry I lied, Beck. All I ever wanted was to make music with you. I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone. Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career!

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt.

"A" is for a...

I'll wear my hilarious apron.

Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.

(WHIMPERING) (GROWLING) I'll save us by scaring him off with my crazy war noise. (PURRING) Crunch all you want. I'll make more.

I never should have thrown out the manual. Bender, you didn't have to come down here. I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much. He was so cute. He was so sweet.

And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see.

how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you?

Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti. I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship!

And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise. Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal? just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear...

Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo?

I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late,

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye!

And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation. No fair! My mom is going to kill me. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no!

Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K Peace out. (CHEERING)

Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid.

Oh. Ah! My heart! Ho.

Oh! Now, Hermes you and your lovely wife, LaBarbara have the suite through there. And Dr. Zoidberg your marble tank is on the other side. Man, first class seems nice. It'll seem even nicer once you've seen your room. Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler.

"I'm sending in more trains."

Nah, I'm kidding.

But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS)

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you!

Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi? I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'"

Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married.

MAN: It's The Futurama Holiday Spectacular brought to you by... (READING)

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

(GASPS) That's it! (ENGINE STARTS) We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg.

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up?

You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie?

I'm going to jump!

Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING) (BEEPING)

Holy camoly! The house I grew up in! It's still there! Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place.

If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it. For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch. It was Leela. She beat me to it. (BEEPING) Put a squid in it. We're here. Oi! There's the problem.

Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

Good news, everyone.

Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register. I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming." Oh, hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museum.

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women.

But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What?

You're looking good to Flexo tonight. Quit makin' with the googly eyes. You know that I'm in love with Bender. Bender? That walkin' wuss factory? He may be a walkin' factory, but believe me, he is no wuss. Now look, you and me are through. I told you that when I divorced you. But goin' through a divorce together,

That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah

I'll get the water boiling.

Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh! Hey! Turn that damn music...

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

Aw, okay, but I'm not carrying it upstairs. What is it, Fry? ...ade.

Gosh. The bars on the windows seemed so much thicker back then. Mr. Vogel? Remember me? Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you! You used to say that all the time. Ah! Those were happier days.

aah! Whoopsie-daisy.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad! No one move.

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!

You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What?

If you think bad luck can defeat me, then you don't know my name is Philip J.-- Whew.

to clean out my wrinkles each day. Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please! Of course, any age-reversing effects will be purely temporary--

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I--

Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

Space banditos have been operating in this quadrant so you'll each take eight-hour shifts guarding the safe. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically.

just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest.

That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray. It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape. Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care?

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

That certainly is honest.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Tomorrow morning, this planet makes its closest pass to the sun. You will all be boiled alive, like retired circus animals,

Mmm! Mmm! Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it? Helmut Spargle. He used to be the greatest chef ever. His restaurant was so high-tone, the only way to get reservations...

COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you. (SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business,

You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING) So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will.

Leela must be hallucinating from not eating enough Popplers.

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your...

Ten-hut! Well, well, well, if it isn't Lee Lemon the flaming star of Brannigan's Rough Rangers. Say, uh, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape. It's about life in ancient Greece and... Sir, the alarm.

It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn. Wait! What's that? Welcome, friends.

Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain? Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it. (SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories!

Leela's going nuts, and I can't save her... unless I learn more about her mysterious past. Isn't there anything else you can tell me? Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time. That's impossible, because my time is worthless. Oh. Well, then there is one thing. It's the note I found with Leela the day she was abandoned.

That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around.

Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

There were no survivors. Takes all kinds. And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle?

as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!

The network execubots are coming! Oh, dear God! Presenting the president of the network.

Coed steam rooms... I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

You're the boss, Daddy. Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela.

Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford.

'Bout time! That's my boy!

Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

(CLEARS THROAT) Okay, this year's Nerd Search runner-up is a young man who devised a way to add and subtract in zero gravity. Vijay Patel and his calculator space hat! Whoo! Whoo!

I am Fishy joe. I've got a fast-food franchise on every planet in the known universe except McPluto.

Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with. Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up.

I'll put on my tutu.

Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists. Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother!

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there. You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America. Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you.

Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel.

Let me get you somethin' in here. Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen! Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end!

That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

"It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should?

They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

(GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago.

(MURMURING) Welcome, museum members, or as I like to call you, future exhibits.

I guess it's just me and you, chicken hat.

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today.

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank.

A feast is a feast. Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello? Hello? Who is this?

notice I have nothing up my sleeves... and nothing in my head. So, if my lovely assistant will kindly supply me... with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk--

just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow! I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays.

Clam up, Founding Fathers. We need help locating the treacherous forger who forged this forgery. (ALL GASP) My word. If these enter circulation, our economy will be destroyed, and with it, our chance at independence. Only one man in the colonies has a printing press fine enough to make these.

Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you.

Yes. There's no safer occupation than mining, especially when you're perched on a snowball, whipping through space at a million miles an hour. Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna. We'd like it back. SENATOR: You may have it. I'm through with it. It has done everything and everyone imaginable.

Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something? Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh.

'Cause we got A little ol' Convoy

Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross.

But the true Zen of flavor is not found in a coliseum. It is found in a small kitchen with friends. That is why I decline the title of iron Cook, and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money.

Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING)

Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed.

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out.

It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy.

Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh! Ouch! Oh! I'm okay.

Brothers and sisters, let us pry. It's true! Saint James really was a robot. I bet he's up in robot heaven right now. So he won't miss his eyes.

It's time to let go.

You know, boys a good captain needs many skills such as boldness, daring and a velour uniform and I'm not convinced Leela has any of those things. Ah, Leela's not that bad. I just wish she didn't make us work so much.

Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh.

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone! Oh, yeah? Well, take this!

I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it.

Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony.

Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

I don't know if you've heard the news, but it's good, everyone. I fixed my hearing aid. (HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids.

I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward.

Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you. Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

Quick! Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally.

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife.

I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well.

You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

he'll save us from-- Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh. Hello? Is anyone still alive?

Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag.

Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo.

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room!

ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah. And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons!

Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) (SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this. (CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no!

Lean back more! Ow! Come on, Hermes you could out-limbo all of these people. Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad.

I don't want it anymore. So I gotta hide forever? No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you.

Let my people stay! Neat.

Hambone BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again! Sorry I'm late.

You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something!

Here, let me help you.

You could use it for picnics. Here, Amy. We get this one for you.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor. Why aren't you fixing the boiler? Schedule conflict. There. Fixed forever.

Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect!

I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill. I hope he'll be okay in there with all those big animals.

Wow, you're good. Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES) Ow!

All robots must attend!

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

That's tasty. Too tasty.

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese.

Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested?

You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead! I'm expressing my sorrow. Get lost! I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too! We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot.

This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning. Hurray! Hurray! (SIGHS) I was going to tan once. What do you say, Johnny? It's on me.

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba!

Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up You Clobberella Citizens, never fear Crazy do-good freaks are here Until they run out of steam

My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it!

I am not evil! So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president."

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

- Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

It's not working out, Fry.

To the laboratory. I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal.

Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

Not if you'll grant me the same liberty. Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender, and I'm a huge fan of your work, both on and off the court. Can I be a Globetrotter? Shut up, turkey. - Ooh. - Bubblegum, look at this. The background time radiation is fluctuating wildly!

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private,

It's the violentest season of the year When Kringle-bot come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled

Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo. Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that!

What the hell kind of plane is that? (BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps. Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men."

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela.

Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain! I say! Most ungentleman-like!

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me? Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road. Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There. Uh, maybe I should drive.

Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders.

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

ooh! An inauspicious start...

I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah!

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail."

Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really?

The truth is, I once slept with him. A few times. I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous.

(BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar! You'll have to kill me for it! (EXCLAIMING)

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir. I'm a program built into the intercom. I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover!

You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than... AUTOMATED VOICE: Low battery. But don't take my word for it. Unbiased-Reviews.mom says Twitcher is the killer app. And when I say killer app,

So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut! Ta-da! We got us a reality show. No writers, no actors, no problem. Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV.

This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup. Uh, salad. Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

(KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk? I'm kind of busy. Seeing Leela fly off the Hexadecapus and crash through the moon dome and survive inside a stuffed animal by breathing a balloon was a dose of reality.

(EXCLAIMING) Watch it! Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful. Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant? Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried,

Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day.

Rest in peace, homie. Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons.

What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe. But who will the robot pull next from the fiery hole of mystery? An actress? A celebrity chef?

Go, go, go, New justice Team Go, team, go, team Team, team, team Who's the newest justice team The New Justice Team Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past

I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea. I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it. Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Whoo!

Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal. I'm going to keep this egg safe and warm and secure until it hatches out into the world.

Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe.

My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards. Sure, blame the wizards.

Yes. And I'm happy to see you. And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be.

Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom.

Dr. Franklin, with all due respect to the brilliant inventor of the stove, I must speak with you. (GRUNTS) I'm looking for the scoundrel who made this. Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake!

Aah! Ooh! Uh! Good luck, Bender!

20 points! Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

you'll rue the day you came to the Butterfly Preserve.

Cool. It's just like the good old days. Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too. Learning is fun.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

Mommy, why do the robots give you presents? Shove a big old melon in it! I'm talking! Ow. You've noticed I design all my robots with antennas. Everyone thinks it's just to make them look more science-fictiony. But the antennas are really for my universal robot controller. So they do whatever you want? No wonder you love Mother's Day.

Ah, to be young again... and also a robot. Uh! Now, as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver.

Help! Thank God this log is sturdy.

Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom. Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one.

(SIGHS) Now what? I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on.

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said.

Alcohol fuels my power cells.

I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

soda machine! (ALL CHEERING) That's what I'm talking about! You undersold it, Professor! Look, it has Slurm Loco! It's the extreme-iest! Hey, what can I get y'all? Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco.

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old.

Ready for processing! What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10,

Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.

What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING)

You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING)

Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends.

Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it!

Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: From the "Rowdy" Roddy Piper Daycare Center in Glasgow, Scotland, it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling!

(ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge. I think you'll find this verdict as fair as it is cruel.

It is not uncharted. You lost the chart.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done.

We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses. Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't?

There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

Oh, right, it's Wednesday!

Ah, now for a dash of salt. Uh-oh.

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash!

Ew! She's Scottish.

I bid you adieu.

I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga?

Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care.

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

This company's on the fast track to the "It List." Blast fax kudos all around! Uh, hello? We haven't made one delivery since you two took over. Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business. Image, people! Image! Scope out this new ad! We are all one, with one mind,

The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac. My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great,

So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar."

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

Don't let down Pharaoh now. The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm.

I've been giving these out for 647 years.

Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers.

Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah.

Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

Almost done. If only somehow,

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor. (SIGHS) Instead of making the ship faster, how about installing some seat belts? Seat belts are dead weight. I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety.

No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion...

Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate.

Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable!

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story. Man, I thought ultimate robot fighting was real like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed like boxing.

All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk.

The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe.

Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial.

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life.

The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected.

Very distant. Not a true Farnsworth, mind you. He's way over here on this filthy branch riddled with fungus and dung beetles. (GASPS) What's with the 17 dung beetles?

Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

What's it made of? Wood. Mmm.

Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha! Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative.

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway.

Do it! It is your destiny!

One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind!

Why, I've been a Harold Zoid fan since back when my hips were made of bone. As it happens, I still have some of my original 78s.

Whoa! Hyah! Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

I recognize this. It's the 1960s! I did a report on it for my drug-taking class. Hi, I'm Andy Warhol, and you're some kind of marvelous lobster-man. Right on. Say, you got any real soup, or just this schlock?

YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter. (BELL ON DOOR DINGS) (BELL RINGING)

And finally, I'm sure you've all noticed the fabulous chandelier you'll be delivering. What? Where? Up there. (ALL EXCLAIM) Nice. It's extremely delicate, so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it! Fry did it!

So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

(ALL GASP) Bender, I've been looking for you. Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender? (EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close. Isn't it true, Mr. X,

My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill. Knock yourselves out! Whoo-hoo!

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me? Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes.

(CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING)

Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

No, baby. Never.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down. Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.

I think it's him. Stand back. Oops. Don't worry, they'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off.

That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand?

(ALL GRUNTING) We're coming to a full stop. All cats, to your posts!

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls?

You're all too weak. I can see that now.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him.

You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this! Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about.

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind.

Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you.

Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

Aw, you. I've booked us all on the maiden voyage of the largest, most luxurious space cruise ship ever built. The Titanic. Looks nice.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot. just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I

Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business. Anyway, the time came for our first delivery. (SOBBING) Lando, don't forget about me and Junior.

yeah, yeah MMm! Yeah okay, smarty, go to A party girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by-- What's going on in here?

Let my people stay!

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot!

who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well.

Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here. Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands. Reschedule.

It's over. My dream of being a chef...

Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed. The time skips haven't stopped at all. Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure.

I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote.

(BUZZING) I'm sorry, Bender. What do you want me to put on the glass? (BUZZING) Okay, if we survive.

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender!

They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them. The ground is still warm. (WHINES QUIETLY)

My life is empty. Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

No, I want to live.

A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots.

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold.

You're not nice!

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

Death to all humans!

You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you. Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor. Lay it on us, big boots. If the Smell-A-Scope can pick up the professor's odor we may have a chance to save him.

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City. She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face.

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh.

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that...

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Now, these monkeys I like.

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad?

I'm not paying. Farewell, good sir. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

No! What will I mix with my scotch?

This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in?

What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang.

Not the gem. This passenger manifest. It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down,

Have you seen my sombrero?

Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes.

Well, he lost my vote.

That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy. Wait, does that include me? (GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry.

You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds. Wait. What about the animals? Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel.

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled.

That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive.

He looks like Bender!

Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments." You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk. It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality. What's that? A tattoo removal laser? (LAUGHS) Hermes, you and your preposterous sci fi nonsense. No, this is simply a translucidating ink polarizer. It aligns the pigment molecules, channeling photons through,

In the sewer, you'll fit right in. (FOOTSTEPS SQUELCHING) Sewer mail! He's single.

We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

Once a butterfly hits that, she's out.

Who put this in here? No!

Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Hello? My Speedos!

But things eight feet tall aren't cute.

Hello! I'm Prime Minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria. I trust you received my spam e-mail? Nelson, thank God you're here, Hermes!

I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Uh!

You know, romance is an important part of our work too. Right, everyone? Yeah. Sure. Do any of you collect Lovey Bears? I do! Kif's given me dozens. Is it true what the ad says, that you kiss them together out of blankie cloth and magic buttons?

You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards.

Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000?

But did you have to make the costume so revealing? Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero! We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side. No. Listen. It's very important... that you never, ever tell anyone under any circumstance.

Your Honor, freedom of speech applies... to what comes out of a mouth, not what goes in. Can counsel cite precedent? Uh, yes, darlin', I can. In State of Alabama versus Giant Space iguana, chewin' the corners off the Constitution... was deemed non-protected speech. He shut you up, O'Connor.

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Something wonderful.

That's it. It's done.

Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase?

(SPUTTERING IN PROTEST) Brace yourselves, 'cause we're gonna try something you would never see in mainstream tap, a simultaneous, head-to-head tap-off. (CROWD GASPING) What... Oh! Scandalous! It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy. Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

The carts go out full, but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep. But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery.

Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money...

(MECHANICAL NOISES) Fascinating. Be you man or machine? Mostly machine. Might be a couple of dead cats in there. Dr. Franklin, with all due respect to the brilliant inventor of the stove, I must speak with you.

Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back!

Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot.

Everyone suit up. We're off to the most romantic city on earth.

You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop.

Nah. I've got a lazier idea.

And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

What's that black cracker? A tomato.

We don't have long.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here.

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus.

(ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies!

But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure!

One... See you in a thousand years.

Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING)

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt! (ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap!

They got medals.

Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

(BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING) Hold your clapper. Someone's coming.

Look out, a solar flare!

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey?

The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big-- Time continues to skip forward randomly. Details at 11:00. This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained--

Let it ride! (ALL GASP) 34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars.

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety!

How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela.

Good riddance. What about my service?

Huh? Yes, hi. I'm from the vampire bank that burned down. I have what remains of the contents of a safe deposit box belonging to a Bender B. Rodriguez.

(HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked. But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick? It's very simple.

They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening.

Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here.

our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo! Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it.

Ow! I'm hungry.

and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg. (LAUGHING) Classic Hermes. Let the interviews begin. Good luck, everybody but Zoidberg. My primary duties?

Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes--

build me some kind of free will unit. A robot free will unit? Impossible! And even if it were possible, which it's not, it would still be inconceivable... Which it is! (CRYING SOFTLY) Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy...

Q to the E to the D! So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies? Stone-cold munching, Prof. Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem. Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players.

I'm sayin' I've got an unbendable girder to bend. You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable!

I'm worried about him. He didn't come back with the group. He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means.

She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender.

Too late. This is more fun.

Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball.

There's something about Flexo I don't like. Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous. Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news.

I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

Good news, everyone. I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer".

Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain. I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "Smizmarr," and my Smizmarr is Amy.

Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record." Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave...

You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft. Mine! Mine!

There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip.

And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt?

She ate my kidney!

You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.

May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu.

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop

You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement. (SQUEALING LIKE A PIG) What's all this oinking about? Who called the fuzz? Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too.

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Bort?

No one insults the turtles!

Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen.

imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

Huh? What the-- You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can.

Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh! Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal!

Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor.

Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty! Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here.

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest.

Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank.

What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum. Who built you? I have always been. Oh, my God! Are you... God?

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter.

Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need?

No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

So there's nothing to be curious about.

No poison for us, thanks. I'll stick with good old mineral oil. Ah. Functional. Mm.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad?

No cheap crack houses for me no more! Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

Oh, God, my tract.

But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world.

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone. Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh.

But we've earned these days off. We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery. Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then. See you in a week! Buh-bye!

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish.

Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers.

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless.

Why are you cheering, Fry? You're not rich. True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS)

Oh, geez. Better not let Leela see me. Hey, I hear Fry. Boy, am I glad you're here.

I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching.

Roller Derby is not a society. Well, let's put it to a vote, then. All in favor of the Jamocha Thunderclap? That would be me. (WOMEN AGREEING) Practically no one. All in favor of me? (MEN CHEERING) Eight to eight. It's a tie. We can't trust a woman's math. Count again.

You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human!

Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it. Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever.

Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here. That's right. You shouldn't have.

Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'. What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends.

You know, maybe a certain blue lobster... saw where Professor hid the box.

Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max. So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh? No, they fixed that 900 years ago. just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning... I doubt it.

Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it. Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom.

Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

You dumb bastards!

All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?!

Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

What the tropical hell are you doing?

Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

I found a missing link. It seems to be half man, half toucan. Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup.

Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it.

Oxygen. Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish?

Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

(GRUNTING) (PANTING) (EXHALES) (ROARS) (SCREAMING)

This is the saddest day of my life... and I still can't cry. Wait a second. Here comes Leela!

Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too. - Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster.

Sorry you struck out, sausage link. If it's any consolation, my life is great. Babes, bucks-- I got it all.

(ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world. (ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING)

That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen.

Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it.

Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human!

Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you! Goodbye! It was fun maturing with you,

Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement.

That's it. I'm gonna deliver a gift of my boot up Santa's chimney. Where is he?

We'll have to bring her around again.

Then I'm going in after him! No! He'd come after me!

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on.

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day.

I didn't want you to hurt me either. Leela's going nuts, and I can't save her... unless I learn more about her mysterious past. Isn't there anything else you can tell me? Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time. That's impossible, because my time is worthless.

Ooh, ooh! Wax replicas of the most famous robots Mom ever built. They're so lifeless-like. That's the world's greatest robot artist-- Vincent Van Gobot. He was built without an ear but then he went crazy and had one installed. Hey, who's this guy? I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here.

Want to go around again?

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon...

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us?

Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

Professor Katz, we want answers! I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly.

and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up.

On April 10, 2912, my late husband and I set off down Fifth Avenue aboard the Land Titanic,

Let's go already (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (OWLS HOOTING)

This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin. My ebony splendor? Me don't think so.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

(TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine...

I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

I thought we installed alien-proof air vents! It's on my list. (SHIP POWERING DOWN) What's happening?

Nothing's gonna stop us Nothing's gonna stop us now

Oh, Lord, here we go. Look, please just show some humility, like the other day when everything seemed hopeless. Better yet, I'll whip their emotions into a frenzy by taking a dramatic... Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene.

If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin.

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner. I'll always remember this, Bender. Me too. Me too. jerk.

well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her.

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick. I'm just glad the nightmare is over.

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

Not all the beer. (CHEERING DRUNKENLY) Fahrvergnugen! Kaiser Permanente! Fruzen Gladje! Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters!

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire.

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir.

I-i don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube? Detonation in T-minus 15 seconds. You little runts froze me! You took away my life! We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us.

Okay, boys. Let me show you how a "paperman" does it. Au revoir! Can I use the gun, Dad?

You know, you ought to be a bureaucrat or something. Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate.

Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X."

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious, but they produce an awful lot of trash.

Not really. Except for one person. Who was it? Everything is so different. Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew.

Curse my natural showmanship! You big, fat fraud! You're not really broken! But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage! Get him!

God bless America.

Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

I'm going to build that smelloscope.

Well, that was dumb. (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk.

Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard!

Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman?

Here we go. just a minute. Aha! And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender. Duh, Roberto! Ooh, what a surprise to see you in here!

That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem.

Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it. I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed--

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! One down.

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

To the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction.

Well, Bender, I guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life. (CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something? Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (GRUNTS)

It wasn't long ago our people were happy and prosperous but the eyeless Mole People of sub-terra Three grew jealous of our visual prowess.

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years.

The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards.

Okay, but I'm only doing this so people will take my head seriously as an actress. Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course. They're not extinct yet. And if you need further proof that this is really a thousand years ago well, here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson.

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops.

In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww! Come on, come on!

I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS) So, we can go back to Earth?

Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend.

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up.

And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

This Week In The Universe! Dateline: Tarantulon 6. The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world.

Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna?

Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow!

What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it!

Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

we are baby love child I'll take you so high groovy love child give me A kiss baby love child do it again

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Lovely, isn't it? Yeah. But only 93% as lovely as you. Oh, Bender. Either that was a computing error or you're the most romantic robot I've ever met.

Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it? Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take.

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump!

Fry, I'm so glad to see you.

Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one?

Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender.

Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a...

G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot.

You, sir, have defaced a national treasure. I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory! All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about.

Let's watch, aroused, as Gerald's antenna uploads a binary file to Francine's internal drive. Manufacturing specs from each parent are then merged by a randomized algorithm, and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot.

Our dads are all pumped up on dork-osterone. We're just trying to be cool like Bender.

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups. (BEEPS) (BUBBLING)

You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time. But-But I'm the delivery boy. Don't worry. Everything went fine. - Better than usual. - We got medals. Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo!

Help! What's happening? You are now dead.

Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available.

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken.

Except for the parasite! How's that, Hubert? Feeling better? A good beaking usually cheers me right up, but today it's no use. My species is as good as extinct. I haven't seen a female of my kind in over 100 years! There's got to be a lady tortoise out there for you, Hubert.

Has the jury reached a verdict? Not just any verdict, Your Honor. A great verdict! They're going to take pity on him! Do something!

That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right. Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp! Has the jury reached a verdict? Not just any verdict, Your Honor. A great verdict!

Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side! I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that...

(SIGHS) That was great.

You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings.

Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING)

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold.

Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that. Aha! Prepare to be thought at!

Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on.

Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know-- What are we supposed to do for money? All I've got is my Frequent Taffy Eater's card... my first mustache...

The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back.

My God, is it possible?

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

We can't, you bastard.

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Bort?

Leela, I've got an idea. Stay here with Queequeg. Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot. Come on, Bender! If you're done scamming Beck, we're heading home. All right, all right.

Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship?

(THUD) (PANTING) Are you okay? I... Ow! My leg, it's broken. How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand.

Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country! Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era. (BELL RINGING)

Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot.

Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No!

Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No!

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company. Welcome to the world of business.

or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night. Well, um-- Heh. The, um--

So, will you go out with me?

I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and...

Stand back! I'm a toolbot. You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet.

What's death-rolling? It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

You have pressed two. No, I didn't.

I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING)

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life. But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that?

Please, use mine. I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey!

There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see. How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero.

This company's gonna shoot straight to the top... and stay there, like Cyndi Lauper. I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what? Seriously, though, we stink out loud. Here's the big Enchirito--

Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone.

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

Yeah, yeah, big whoop. No one cares. I got Bender-related news. I'm in love.

Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith!

A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do... I'll get the water boiling. We, by which I mean you will have to rush him to his ancient homeworld which will shortly erupt in an orgy of invertebrate sex.

Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh!

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine,

Waaah! What the--

All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about. Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs.

This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking.

Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs!

Four more years! Four more years! Psst. Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death, the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers... and never allowed to return. Oh, cruel fate!

I do! Aye! Welshie!

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

I'm experienced at foraging. I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns.

Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my. I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base.

Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors? Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network? We were about to fire him, sir. Silence, hack!

Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun.

Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to your robot. Daddy, I love you.

Well, it was a spectacular battle,

One reason. You bastard!

Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

You're pure lowest common denominator. Go, Bender. Go, Bender. Go, Bender.

Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye.

It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load. Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about, right, Professor?

this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture. Say, "Bender is great." ALL: Bender is great! BENDER: Neat.

The parrot is $500. That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right?

Good heavens. A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid. He's one of my great idols. And you say you can guarantee me the Oscar? I can guarantee ya anything you want. Then I'll do it! Hooray! Here's your checkbook.

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on. All My Circuits is brought to you by... Robo Fresh. Designed by a robot for a robot.

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on.

or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next? Well, I guess reality is what you make of it.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy? Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

You mean the one in that alley off 72nd Street? Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at?

Psst, there I am.

(WHISTLES) You sure take after your old man! I never knew my father. (SQUEAKS) It's not important.

Here they are, freshly laundered and...

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself,

Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry. The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste!

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

To the end of the universe!

Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy. Yah! Whaa! Hee! Ha!

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie. New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer opens a new tube line to alleviate rush hour traffic.

'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as?

Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time. I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body.

will go down as the single worst player in the history of blernsball. She's taught the world that being a bum knows no gender. And yet, tonight we have witnessed the beginning... of a great career for the first woman to play the sport well, jackie Anderson.

Woo-woo-woo, woo-woo-woo woo-woo

Come on. We have work to do. Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence? No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game.

Aah! They're coming straight toward our proximity! Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing!

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection.

Maybe if you clean up first. It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body. Hey, you look me in the shins and say that.

No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks. Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers.

Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody? I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business, customer records are strictly confidential. Right this way.

My God! Saint James was a robot! My God! Da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue. My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife. (GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES)

Leela, my sweet, I've come to save you. I have a devious plan. Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up.

- Want to see? - Sure.

Ooh! Interesting.

Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door. Here's your homework, you lucky knob. And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover, I might get sick enough to miss the whole semester. Hey, give me that. No. Give it to me, you faker.

Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met.

Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile. How ultra? Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down. Merry Xmas, everyone.

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold! Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold. There. We can make these into spears. And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows. And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

Okay. We got the hot tub hot, the wine coolers cool. It's "Hammer" time! You suck!

Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them, fearsome though we are.

- Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie?

of our great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Impressive. Who's building it? You. Say again? You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Guards? Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots. Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) (ALL EXCLAIM) Whoa. Wow. AMY: A whole forest grew overnight.

That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

(COUGHING) And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now And if this world runs out of lovers We'll still have each other

This solar system is, like, way old! Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash! Everything's getting older the closer we get to that ancient, burnt-out sun! Dude, the Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself! Shut up! I was gonna say that.

Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre. He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile.

Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038. Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil.

I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us! Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him...

Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

This is the end of all things.

Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks.

I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution.

But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both. You lazy runts. Don't you get paid for making the toys? Who said "toys"? Toys? Someone said "toys"? False alarm, folks. There's no reason to make toys, since Santa judges everyone to be naughty.

I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers, I realize that what I was living for were the questions.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to!

Oh, my God! Who are they? Feh. We are the native Martians. Also, I didn't know buggalo could fly. Only those who revere Mother Mars can fly buggalo. And only they shall have buggalo. And they're us.

Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

(SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry. (SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony.

Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you. That robot was a heck of a nice feller. You'd better stay here during biology.

like a needle skipping on a record player. What's causing it? Is it my outfit? No. It must have something to do with those time particles...

"Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions. That's a full-time job. And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy.

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying.

That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie. Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon.

All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew! Hey, I need that to smoke! Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen!

reducing all the laws of nature to a single equation. Professor, you did it. You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor. I like physics, but I love cartoons.

Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

Is that two caterpillars making sweet love? (SHRIEKS) Aw... You know what it's like to feel hunted, too, buddy? Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me in my final moments and die at my side? And you die first? (GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES)

Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now.

That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for.

I once slept with him. A few times.

Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

Nibbler? Nibbler?

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS)

The Art of War.

Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Hey, why don't you just sweat him out? Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit. I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one.

(ROOSTER CROWING) (ALL YAWNING)

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Nicely squawked, madam. Leela, you never told me you had a mother.

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa!

Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover? No! Please!

You want to die? No! I want to live.

(GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend.

Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins! What's this? Hermes Conrad is closing the gap. He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" Go, bodysuit! Go!

Well, as long as we're being honest,

(CAT MEOWING) Oh, honey, I'm home! (DOOR OPENING)

(FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry. (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping! - Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it.

Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine.

It's money. Wow, thanks. Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. You gave me a 20.

What's that weird cat? (SIGHS) This is the fox we'll be hunting today. Wow, this is easier than I thought. The sport is in the chase, sir. The fox gets a 30-minute head start.

Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive.

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

When I pull this switch, the maternifuge will spin at 10,000 r.p.m., separating out everyone who isn't the mother-- uh, father-- uh, whatever.

And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers!

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding?

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending.

All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail. (BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know.

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages.

Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness. Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo.

All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

I have formed an idea. I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it. Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela?

Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike and junk. Yeah.

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her. LEELA: Never mind the ship.

No, she just makes us do work and stuff. Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes...

I'm coming, darling! I shouldn't, but who's counting? Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday! That is what you said when you found those Boy Scouts! Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods!

Several! Ooh! No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash.

Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

(CHUCKLING) Oh!

Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did.

Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown. As for you, you will be submerged in royal Slurm, which, in a matter of minutes will transform you into a Slurm queen like myself. But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul.

I'll sign it for you later. Man, it's a cold one out there. Barbados Slim? Come in, Barbados. Look at yourself, all throbbing and shirtless for the holiday. I hope you're ready to celebrate.

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!

I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race!

(DEVICE BEEPING) Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds,

(ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom!

Girls like swarms of lizards, right?

No! I said with the mouth you're looking at. (GRUNTS)

Hmm. I don't know, does this kelp scarf make me look fat enough? It's so unfair. That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls.

Miss Leela? Yes, Sally? I want to show you the story I made up. That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow.

(SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up!

(GAGGING) Cornelia, my love, will you marry me? Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg.

Okay. I'm insane.

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee.

A perfect bend and a flawless entry. No splash at all! Perfect scores! A record five gold medals for Coilette! I'm great! Everybody else sucks! Except that guy Bender. He's really something. Whoo!

Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

When will man learn that all races... are equally inferior to robots?

What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand. Thou shalt not snatch. And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit.

There's lots of great places to meet people.

Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob. Good work, Evans. You've got a future around here. Thank you, sir. Planet Express. Our crew is replaceable, your package isn't.

Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you.

Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm.

What the hell's been going on around here?

We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this.

Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Okay, the audition's all set up. Where's Calculon? And who's this goomer? (WHISPERING) It's me, Calculon. (GASPS) Okay, just sit tight till they call the fake name I made up for you.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him.

Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

I'll be back-- Back when you least expect it.

I'll say good-bye now.

a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me! The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil...

That's a fine, conventional profession. Well, you know. It's just for a package delivery service. Ah-ah! A package is just a box until it's delivered. Huh! I'd never thought of it that way. So what do you do these days? Oh, I'm a doctor. A tall doctor, you say.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed. I fear our only option is thrilling space battle. Power friends, go! Power friends, go!

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie.

Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud?

. Good news, everyone. We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done.

And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone. What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached!

Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month. Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible.

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure!

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right? Shut up, Zoidberg. Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort. And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees.

You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier?

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Give this to my son. You got it. Wait. I didn't tell you where he lives. Hey, I think your son might also like those boots.

It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

He did it! He actually did it this time.

Nah. We understand each other. People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend... and has a crummy job. But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister." Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon.

Golly! What? Coilette, this may be presumptuous.

Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes!

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

No peeking! I don't know what's in there,

Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time.

There. Today's story is from Muteen Magazine. Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi? I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,'

So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square.

Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you?

Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out?

Because I'm so smart? Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather.

ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto.

Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses.

Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks.

Well, this is it.

And I wanna be here beside you. Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

Who's up for an orgy?

Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender! I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut.

Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally. - You tell a story. - With pleasure. Once, not far from here, four people set out on a cattle drive.

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

Of all the zoos we've been to today, I like this one the best.

It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good.

You're sure you want to go back to the Near-Death Star? My, yes. Our muscles are sore, our bones ache.

Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder. She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

(MUTTERING) So, go on, go. Goodbye, Mr. Peppy. Come on, man, don't do this. Go on now. I mean it, don't make this any harder than it has to be. It's time to let go. Ow!

Hello? New boots.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation.

I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes.

I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on.

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor,

We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends. Ah, I knew that. What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine!

Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing? And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going?

Howdy, Amy. Glad to see you've come back to the country. It's where the flavor is. R.j., this is my boyfriend, Kif. This wimp? You've gone a long way, baby. Cigarette, pardner? Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh.

I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well.

Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it?

My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy...

You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married. I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail.

Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender.

How can you people be so blasÉ? Here you are in the year 3000 or so,

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will! Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally,

Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun.

Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die!

Now beat it! (LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster, some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy, attempting to mate with one of his harem while he is asleep or distracted. So, any of you guys thinking of being a sneaky male this season?

Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore. Old-fashioned? Hammy?

(GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live.

(MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding.

Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium... has named Leela "Orphan of the Year." Your parents must be so proud. Ooh, sorry. And the good news keeps on coming. Behold, my latest invention.

Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam? Stands back. I'm gonna puts my moves on her. Whoa-oh-oh-ohs! That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

(ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING)

I call it a Hawking Chamber.

Wait. This is what we're running from.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING)

It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

(CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no!

Good idea. What's the holdup? Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

No, that's what being a magical elf is all about. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine?

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas?

Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful.

Okay, Fry here's the package to deliver. And for once in your life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. Ow! Don't touch anything or talk to anyone. just go to the palace, drop it off and come right back.

just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo.

Possible. I do feel compassion for all living things-- my good chum. But why would God think in binary? Unless... you're not God, but the remains of a computerized space probe... that collided with God! That seems probable.

Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost! Take this, Mr. President, sir!

Look! A starling! Really?

Wow. Until now, I thought giant cubes were exciting. (PEOPLE SCREAMING) (MAN SHOUTS) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

Enjoy our private dining room, folks. This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water. Okay, let's work on your execu-speak.

This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah.

What's this? Two meals in one week?

Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb? No, I just told the robot company I was defective. You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you! Big whoop. I'll just download into a new... Oh, right. If I die, I die.

Damn right, brother man. This chronological wang-dang-doodle... could destroy the very matrix of reality. Tate, what do you know about this?

Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them. As we sail down the river of Slurm you'll see our mixologists at work.

We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke

Hold. Uh-oh. What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it.

Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment. Leela... Ready for action, sir! Uh... Okay. I need you to pick up a few groceries.

You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor.

Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies. Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies?

Beep. Oh, for God's sake! By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells.

(SNIFFLES) Um... (CLEARS THROAT) Leela? I'm sorry I ruined our vacation. It's not your fault. I wanted this week to be special. And then Sean had to show up. Do you still have feelings for him? No. I mean, I'll always respect his frugality, but that's all.

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

(ALL SNORING) Like, the real mystery is how I'm gonna get any sleep with all this noise. I need some air. (SCREAMS) It's me, the dragon ghost. We met before. Like, yikes!

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued.

Hello! Charlemagne?

Like, what's the story with the yakitori? Help yourselves. But I warn you, that chicken is over a year old. (CANNED LAUGHTER) Why is the food in your concession stand so old, Mr. Takei?

The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was--

Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap.

That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti. I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship! You recorded that? The eyePhone records everything.

What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender.

POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope?

TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses,

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh!

but then we have no memory of it.

We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ? Here you are in the year 3000 or so,

It's called line dancing, Professor.

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees--

My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists,

It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine. Oh, my, yes.

Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening? (WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots. Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets.

(PATIENTS GROANING) My God! I've never seen such a gruesome shark attack. Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg!

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't! No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp. No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women.

But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win.

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here. Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo.

to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez. The justices and I will now confer,

Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter. You see?

Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly.

The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope.

I know how to make love.

We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded. This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask?

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump. ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed.

She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see.

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Yo, Spargle. If you're such a great cook, how'd you end up in this dump? Ages ago, I was the host of a TV show-- Down-home Country Kitchen With Helmut Spargle. But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned.

Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office. Admit it.

And I refuse to be involved. And you have way too much lipstick on! Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on.

Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance.

(TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS) (TRUMPETING)

Or I circled jobs in the classifieds you might be good at. Assembling machinery pays well.

Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos. Amy, that man is a criminal. I'm just checking out his tats. Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure.

Where did they go?

Honk, honk, honk!

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all.

I got my eye on you, boy.

Bring in the airship. Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again.

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty?

I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man.

Allow me. There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe. Yes!

Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

You little runts froze me! You took away my life! We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us. What is one life weighed against the entire universe? But it was my life.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

Well, let's drag him to the curb.

The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs.

Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope, why are those cops on your tail like my dad's verbal abuse on my psyche? 'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet. Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING)

Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty. No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human. The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth.

Let's blow this tomb.

No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes?

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes. We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

He's developed Simpsons Jaundice.

So every religion is wrong!

I'm changing the channel. (PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE) Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together.

Welcome back, old friend. I missed you terribly. You do everything terribly. And I'm not your friend. Good old Hermes. When he stops insulting, that's when I worry. Oh, dear!

You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam.

Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

At my age, it might as well be 200 feet. I'd never make it! Come on, you can make it! You can do it! Well, let me think it over. Let's go already!

So what's your problem?

Now, hold on there, boys. Violence never solved anything. Then how do we decide who gets the ball? Agnew, show them. (GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now? (LAUGHS) (SOBBING)

Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology. (SCREAMING)

However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again. I found the board! Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision.

All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela. Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really?

I paused to enjoy a cigar. Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS)

Death by snu-snu!

Decisions I made

toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. Hey, where's Amy and Bender? They're missing out on some hot pickle action. (AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there.

Where'd they go? Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING)

Happy New Year!

It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it?

Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no.

Y'all wanna stay for supper?

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested.

But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

And I remembered the last time I was truly happy. When I was with you. Oh. So you froze yourself to come look for me? No, I did it to get a fresh start. I didn't know what had happened to you. No one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money. That's the same reason they kept me out of school.

Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

(BEEPING RHYTHMICALLY) (YAWNS) Safe and sound. Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender

This is the greatest moment in scientific history. At last, there are no more questions left to answer. (ALL CHEERING)

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob?

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation.

Granted, all that makes perfect sense. But why is this death sphere destroying planets? That makes the most sense of all. Look at the planets it's destroyed so far. First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter,

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there.

even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING) (BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage!

I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not?

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby?

If you stop partying for a single second, you'll explode and kill everyone here in a fireball of melted gears and splattered bowels! Sounds like a party, baby! Ooh, yeah!

I'll vote it down like a raise for schoolteachers!

but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo.

(SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty.

I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second!

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic. Help! Help! Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am,

Also what and how? MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose. It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers. And I saw it lactating earlier. Wait, who said that? (GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship.

So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep.

The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet? We just talked, okay?

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this.

My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life! Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo. Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man?

As sure as the sun sets in the east.

The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg!

Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is?

But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife-- Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow.

Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows! If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will!

(FARNSWORTH BLUBBERING) (GASPS) I hear something.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

This'a berry, berry bad!

near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

It's ocean madness, all right.

Uh... this. Where are we delivering it to? Uh... here. Another job well done. Now back to the office for an enjoyable evening of fasting and repentance. Whoa, whoa. Wait, Bender. As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing?

And may the inferior gender burst into something. Flames, I guess.

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Wait! That chunk! It's the watch! I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist.

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac. Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit.

Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam! Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

The only treatment is an incredibly expensive operation that just delays the symptoms for a few months. Oh! I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me?

It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong.

Is any of this getting through to you? I give up. You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you. Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby.

Well, we're boned. Your turn. Ha!

(ALL GASPING) (LIGHTNING CRACKING) I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot. The dials are terrified. Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire.

Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good. Uh... jennie McNeal you are charged with jury tampering in last week's case on account of your hot, naked affair with the foreman.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in... And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on! Good day.

Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out? Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit. I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing. What about crying?

That proves it! Fry is alive somewhere, - and he's reaching me in my dreams! - Bull pies! Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board.

Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online. Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online. We are on line. But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town.

Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology. What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh.

along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued.

That's one flashy rock. Indeed, it's pure diamondium. Um, would it be possible to break off a piece and put it in an engagement ring for reasons that are private? Oh, fuff. Nothing in the universe can fracture diamondium, not even God One and God Two put together. But behold!

my lovely robot, Bender,

Good question. No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar.

I meant Feingold! It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents.

There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere. Go deeper. Deeper! No, Bender. The ship can't withstand this much pressure. Sometimes it falls apart just sitting in the hangar. Professor, I've never asked for anything before, but seeing those fem-bots glistening with oil means more to me than life itself.

Ooh! Ow! Don't forget to pick up a T-shirt. Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit. Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow!

Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I--

Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope.

Once again, Eternulax The Immortal, dead at the age of 26. (LAUGHING) Now here's Sportsbot 5000 to tell us about two local gals, Amy Wong and Turanga Leela, who have won 15 Butterfly Derby bouts in a row,

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box!

Not even the Holy One, blessed be He. (FIRING)

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing.

The laws of science be a harsh mistress. Say, robot, old buddy, could you help me move a couch? Aw, okay, but I'm not carrying it upstairs.

What do we do? Well, since Calculon killed himself, his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud. To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific.

That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not.

You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender? When I use up the toilet paper, I don't put on a new roll. Fry, my friend, I found your pants. And no sign of that crafty badger. All right! Lucky pants!

Okay, you can have my nose. - Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it.

Amy, no! It's too windy!

Not if I can get you to a better doctor. We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched. Okay. I also would have accepted a bribe. Nice work, butterball.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

You, my metal friend, will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans.

Big night, eh, Mr. Fry? The biggest, Janos. Check this out. What is that? Some kind of time button? Exactly. If she says yes, I'll use it to make the sunset last as long as we want. Strange things happen when the shadows lengthen.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive.

Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever!

Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot. From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing. Ah!

Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right? Shut up, Zoidberg. Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort.

I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh! Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned.

This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell. Aw. I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant.

Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself.

But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged.

Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (EXCLAIMS)

Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit. Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again.

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next!

And boned. I suppose there's nothing left to do but move out. Leela, Amy, pack us a lunch for our new lives under the bridge, while us men reminisce and smoke some stogies. (MEN EXCLAIM IN AGREEMENT) We are not packing lunches, you walking beer commercials.

It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

(SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you.

Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this. Hey, Dad. What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh!

Thank you. Come again. That's what I call a hostile makeover. Hair gel? No, thanks. I make my own.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck!

And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo!

wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew. And now, let us salute that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag, Ol' Freebie.

A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers. It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do. So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant? We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life.

Quick, take my hand.

If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely.

What's he so worked up about? He's just upset 'cause our boy's missing. Come on, you overgrown rat! Lead us to Philip. Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him.

Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute.

No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt. If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business.

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built.

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

Never. Behold! (COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops!

Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies!

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama!

There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad. Where did it all come from? Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all. We stole it! Oh, crumb! What? What's going on?

It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots. I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out. Ohh. Well, I'm off. Wait! We can hide you! We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl. No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you!

the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes.

Mets lose again. Man, I haven't seen play this bad... since the days of Bob Uecker. This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity and, dare I say it, my friendship. Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines.

I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight.

It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back.

(LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh! It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous. You used humor to defuse the tension.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us!

Wait a second. Did you rip off your own arm as a joke?

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead.

That's your license to be a jerk. Do whatever the hell you want, then walk away and light a cigar.

Yes, you've discovered my floating genetic engineering facility. Our experiments would be illegal on Earth, but up here, I'm above the law. (GUFFAWS) Nice pun, Mother. It's not a pun. It's a play on words! Come on, I'll show you the lab.

Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic. Help! Help!

Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4,

Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood.

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks?

(WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS)

That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold. But I have list of buyers. You drop charges, I give you list. No dice. Justice don't work that way.

Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks. Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date. Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell.

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you.

These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys!

He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist.

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie.

Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping?

You can drop the hillbilly moron act.

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago.

Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves. Well, well. If it isn't our little munchkin moguls. Would you ju-- What's the trouble, men? Need some penny rolls for your profits? Actually, thanks to Dwight's brilliant accounting...

(BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you? I don't remember. Me neither.

Let's get started. Max, play me over.

No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump. Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you. What? Oh, this is horrible.

Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad. Enjoy your outdated format, Grandpa. Nowadays, cool kids like me mash up our own phone-isodes. It's from the kidnappers. My nephew is alive! And he's in this envelope.

You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye"

You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?

(HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these,

Prepare to surface! And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions!

Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there.

Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

I lost my chance to be a champion. I won't let you throw away yours. Leela is right. I don't want to end up a loser like her. Count me back in.

We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir. Very well. You will provide us with 198 billion humans and, uh, small fries.

Remember: Rover gets the pill and Pepper gets the suppository. Next!

Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole.

Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls. In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it!

Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here. Come on. We'll split a blintz. Wait, give me a chance to defend your honor and then sully it on the couch.

One of his heels.

Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts.

Fry, you're my friend.

So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

No! N-O-O-O! I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning-- et cetera.

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right!

What should we do next? I wanna see the edge of the universe. Ooh! That sounds cool. It's funny. You live in the universe, but you never do these things till someone comes to visit. There it is, the edge of the universe.

We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson.

BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich! (DINGING)

A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother.

100,000? 200,000? 200,001?

Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something.

Even when it doesn't seem like it. During your entire life, for example. You won't pass for human, cutie. But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop, this note should convince them you're an alien. And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks. Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date. Half date.

Ni! One! What th--

I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing.

I appreciate that, Amy. Is there any way I can help, maybe? No, I don't see how... Wait, don't see. That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right.

Oh, no! It's midnight!

Oops. The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die?

Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (OWL HOOTING)

The shame the shame But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender He gave me mechanical ears Effective though just a bit garish

Can I pat you on the butt? Fry, I'm a professional athlete. So go ahead. Oh, now I'm too nervous.

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given.

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board, so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him.

Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus! They're all dead, and their bones are gone. This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep.

I give up. You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you. Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship.

Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children.

Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look.

"My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now.

Isn't that right, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You Ruth Bader believe it!

Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

I'm the greatest... the greatest!

Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity. A split second is all it takes.

And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other. I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp!

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery.

Remember me! I will. I will.

Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire? Fry, swallow your food, then talk. A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid?

Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company.

Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them! Oh!

but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer. Moreover, the crash totally destroyed our ship. So, we're stuck here until someone finds us? Alas, that may never happen.

You recorded that? The eyePhone records everything. All I did was add a laugh track and twit it to my 10,000 followers. (LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate.

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream!

(SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place! Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING)

Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos. Amy, that man is a criminal. I'm just checking out his tats.

Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. (BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no.

with strategy "Dwight Lightning."

I'm so hungry. The important thing is we're all together for Xmas and even though I'm surrounded by robots and monsters and old people I've never felt more at home. Hear, hear. Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping

Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit. What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar,

You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain.

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

I'd better take my pills. Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me,

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending.

because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh?

Hey, pookums, contrary to what I was sayin' earlier, melding minds with you would be extremely bearable. You really mean it? Uh, yes. Whoa-oh!

Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments.

Well, at least you're still the worst football player of all time. Yeah, yeah.

It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute. Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot.

Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind. (DOORBELL RINGS) Ooh! Are you the calloused working man I ordered? Uh... Sure.

I also offer video poker! It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir. No, wait!

(RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty? It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying?

I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity. Up yours, Zoidberg--

I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm!

No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would. Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be.

Cursed by his own hubris.

I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them!

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius!

It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face.

(BOTH SNORING) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in.

Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam? Stands back. I'm gonna puts my moves on her. Whoa-oh-oh-ohs!

maybe here, it'll go through the third dimension! By God, you're right! But to keep us there, I'd need to accelerate to dimensional escape velocity during the drift. Oh! If only Minx could see that. Then she'd see me as more than just a father figure.

I said, everything's going to be all right.

And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows.

That's Leela. Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it. I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me.

I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport. Versus The Chain Smoker.

Oh, hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza.

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING)

Yo, Noticeably F.A.T., drop me that one beat that I'm having a hard time remembering. Word up. That's why I'm even in this dream. (BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh.

Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive.

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting!

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No. Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem.

(ALL CLAMORING) You, sir, have been outfoxed.

What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien? Uh, look like interbreeding.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much.

Yah! That ship is so white-bread.

I won't keep you. Get the humanoid. Get the intruder.

What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure. Eww!

(GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo!

Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up.

Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself.

She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers.

For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar.

I watch TV. It's the next best thing to being alive. Oh, what's the use? I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb. If only I'd made some mistake! You didn't. I checked the invariance of your Lagrangian. Hubba-hubba.

The only problem is we would need his physical remains. Hang on a sec. (SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends. Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him!

Where the-- Where are we, Pops?

Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals.

They're horrible.

America or one of those countries I learned about at the food court? How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

I'm telling you-- Leela was cool, she was in command and when she kicked people, it hurt. It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment. It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

for a robot! (SOBBING)

Oh, fuff. The memory still exists somewhere in your subconscious mind. Amy, prepare the radio-cranial dream injector. Okay. What is it?

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield.

Aw... (DOGS BARKING)

I see a lot of fancy robots here today made of real shiny metal. But that don't impress the robot devil, no, sir. No, sir! 'Cause if you're a sinner he's going to plug his infernal modem in the wall belching smoke and flame, and he's going to download you straight to robot hell.

When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice. Patience, Clamps, it is my eldest daughter's wedding day. You don't want the Space Pope to see you clamping, now, do you? Geez, I forgot my Pope manners.

Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks! Oh, no! The monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room!

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

Good news, everyone. You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium...

(SCREAMING) Oh, God, they're gonna kill me, el roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30-minute head start. Uh-oh, a fork in the path.

was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me!

Hey! A body! Buff, tan--

Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers. Fry, are you there?

(CHUCKLES) Damn, I'm good. Now, may I please have that cheese log?

He better do some explaining before I mash up some face guacamole. He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si!

Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny!

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry. Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea!

(ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY)

She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again, I'm just gonna stay in my room! Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

Kif, show them the medal I won.

Good news, everyone!

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

Still, a Parcheesi tournament.

At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

(SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this. (CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You are hereby conquered! Please line up in order of how much beryllium it takes to kill you!

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

Don't come back!

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary.

It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait!

Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items.

I shall consider it a smashing success. But I wouldn't even know what to write about.

You know I didn't. Your Honor, if we could locate Bender Rodriguez, he would testify that my clients acted without malice. No, he wouldn't. Bender doesn't care about us anymore. (ALL GASP) Someone used to care about me? Hooray!

That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing! Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap. Let's see what tools we'll need.

I'm just like-- Nooo!

but it feels good today, 'cause I got to dance and make people happy. (SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much! Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day!

Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It's making me hungry. Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones. Wait a second! If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme, and you could indulge your demonic food lust.

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps.

I'll always remember you, Hamenthotep! To equip Pharaoh for his journey, we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver...

but no more purse rides, and no more dressing you up in your cute little sailor suit. I keep telling you that's my real naval uniform. (BOTH MOAN) Your place or mine? Both. But first, this place. (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) (STUTTERING)

Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

Dateline: Tarantulon 6. The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world.

Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been!

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue?

Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver.

It was Leela. She beat me to it. (BEEPING) Put a squid in it. We're here. Oi! There's the problem. Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad. Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS)

Which gang's red, and which gang's blue?

Oh! I'm nobody. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me.

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied,

You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.

Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa!

Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me.

My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please? Well, if it's what you really want. It is. I know it is. I'll miss you, Leela.

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit.

You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week." In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent.

Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir.

Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses

From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

Is it true what the ad says, that you kiss them together out of blankie cloth and magic buttons? No. It's actually cheaper to genetically engineer real ones.

I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay." "Odelay" is a word. just look it up in the Becktionary. Oh.

Aye, 'tis a bonnie time to be an ignorant villager. We cannae have no murdering bone vampires back here. Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet. No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus.

And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy.

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little? Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel.

You were right. I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No!

Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz. But that's never gonna happen.

Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!

when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug!

Well, our accommodations aren't great but it sure is beautiful out here. Yeah. It's pretty romantic. I mean platonic. Th-That sure is one platonic view.

Clothing! Delicious clothing! We'll need to look our best if we're to get the account... of our new potential customer-- Romanticorp. Romanticorp? Are they a corporation that makes romantic stuff? Very good, Amy.

I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go!

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it?

Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34! All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years!

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

(ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda?

Exactly as naughty! I saw that!

Don't stay up too late.

Whoo-hoo! Whoopee! Mommy? Why is that man like that? Don't look at him.

Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo!

You're one to talk! But we can use those very gases to save the planet. If you all vent your exhaust directly upward in one burst,

It's the waiting I can't stand. That's stupid. My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

Ow! That didn't hurt.

Let my people stay!

The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he? (GASPING) Bender?

Ahhh! Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot.

Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses

Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender?

Malachi, good work! There's no slowin' down with the Metal Lord tonight! Yes, tonight is kind of special. Wait a second. Did you rip off your own arm as a joke? Nay. Like most of your followers, I was maimed building the great brewery.

Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela.

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why. Guys! Guys! There's something on television. Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses.

Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is... What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?!

That offer was for a limited time only. (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me.

Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector. Some do.

Top Ramen in a Cremora sauce, Xerox-blackened chicken. Oh! And for dessert, cherry throat lozenge jubilee.

As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor. It's someone in whom I have great faith even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing. My closest living relative... Oh, yeah.

"The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not.

You'd better eat quickly, Philip. You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight.

Too much smoke in your face.

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium?

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute...

I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

I must leave you now, for I am not holy enough to enter. Okay.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw.

Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down.

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up.

I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point...

48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist. As you know, the main vault is here in the counting room on the top floor. But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe.

just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president. No! My son will not shame me like this. I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy! Ohh.

You like it? I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it. Hey! BENDER: C'mon! I want that spark! Give me that! It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life?

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon. I do. But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this.

Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that?

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine.

My God! Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man! It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong. Say, what's this? Anyone hear something?

Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate.

I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker! Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand? In good time. You go enjoy the opera.

Uh! Now, as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver. Finally. Come on, Bender. Let's mosey. Nice catch, idiot.

It's hard, you know? Yo, you're not alone.

Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

It's time to shut down nappster.com.

It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't.

Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin! Ow!

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side!

A ghost! Oh, it's you.

Well, okay, Leela. If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home. We'll try to respect your independence and freedom. No! I want the real teen experience-- chores, curfew, the works!

Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING) Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined. Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness.

But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections!

I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself. FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning.

Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold!

In a minute. I just want to finish this paperless work. Don't stay up too late. We got a lot of people to shoot tomorrow. (ALARM SOUNDING) Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement! Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer!

Give it, give it, give it! Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah! You're dead meat! What's happenin' up there?

jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood. Mmm. Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food.

I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

me, Hermes Conrad. Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb.

It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor. Excuse me, Your Majesty I am Murg, the high priest. If I might interject? You might. I humbly advise that as your first act you choose a capable prime minister. I suggest Gorgak, the previous appointee. I will be a forceful and effective administrator.

I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station. (TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out.

Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

oh-oh-oh woo-woo-woo-woo woo-woo woo-woo-woo-woo i'm walkin' on sunshine whoa, whoa, whoa That-a-boy, Seymour. Right here waiting for me, as always. just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there!

Some of us were crazy before it was cool. Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting.

Come, Comrade Bender.

were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal...

I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things? Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow.

Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

$1,200? Holy zombie jesus! We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame.

I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains. You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.

What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts? Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry.

Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly.

Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

(LAUGHING) Whoa! Looks like you guys had fun. Did we ever! Gram-gram fell down at the ice cream store and we got free ice cream! Now let's all go take a nap! (WHOOPING)

Soylent Green-ooh!

This is a story about all my friends.

What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet. I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like?

This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die. Ooh. Pimpy.

I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him. No!

Maybe you're right. I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that... (GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward! Professor, I know how to restart the Earth! (SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words. (GASPS) That's it! I'll assemble your committee!

Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you. Unless, of course, you had won the award. Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. The stupid professor didn't even show up for me.

Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks.

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man.

He must be so lonely right now, trapped a thousand years in the past. Hey, wait a second! Anything? No. Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk!

This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money... Please don't leave. Fry! Oh, I just knew you were still alive!

Well, make time! And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

Captain Musky? I wouldn't want to follow that guy.

I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box. I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be. Okay. Call me a booger blaster. I'll blast a booger so hard that--

I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

No, thanks. We're delivering e-waste. Pity. We're halfway done. This thing is 40% chromium! Gentle now. Gentle with the hover dumpster. Ready for processing!

Aw. She sounds sweet.

And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

Big rats there. Me crush with club.

Ah... Nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning. (CRASHING) Marianne? Yes. Listen, I've got a new job, and, well, I'm going to have to dump you.

Cut! That was terrible! Just stick to the script. And if you don't get it on the second take, you're fired. Let's take five, people. (BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again. What?

Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77!

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Oh! You know Elzar? Hmm. Huh?

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here.

What? Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you.

Wernstrom! The very same.

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive.

Only one. The absolutely flawless recitation from memory of the royal oath... by you.

Uh, while you're at it could you touch up this seam?

I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What?

Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money. Wow, thanks. Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. You gave me a 20.

Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony! Howdy there. You fellas need some directions? No, we're fine. Don't worry about it.

One diet double martini, please. And for you, sir? I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple." Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over! Half over? Oh! I'd give anything to hear the rest.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever.

Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD) Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket! Oh, Leela! Professor? What did you do to the Planet Express ship?

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man? No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand.

then the large women,

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady.

Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science.

I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will. Well, I'm rich.

She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs!

I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

"Ocean madness." Yeah, right. Yeah, it's always something, ain't it? It's her!

(CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself. All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you.

Why are you rednecks doing this? Leela, don't stereotype. Why are you yokels doing this?

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it.

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo!

MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends.

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well.

Oh, and I suppose pitch-o-mat 5000 - was just a modified howitzer. Yep. You know, you humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field.

I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time! It looks pretty authentic.

Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this. Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead.

I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs! Bummer.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) That one-eyed housewife called you out! When and where, PTA? (ENGINE REVVING) AMY: What kind of glorked-up drag strip is this? Mobius drag strip, man.

Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete.

BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

I prefer extortion.

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film.

Cut me some slack, preacher. I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole.

(BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING)

I like to kick 'em when they're down.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

If I might interject? You might. I humbly advise that as your first act you choose a capable prime minister. I suggest Gorgak, the previous appointee. I will be a forceful and effective administrator. You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister. I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak!

So, my humiliation is over? Who are you? And now, to create an unstoppable army of between one and two million zombies! Shouldn't you wait for the weather to clear up?

I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid!

He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.

Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes.

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown. So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation. I am expert in shadowy field of many things. I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me?

aah! Whoopsie-daisy.

Forget about it.

At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

(GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something. (YOWLS) Ow!

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat. A VIp tour of the Slurm factory.

For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender! I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising.

forever and ever we are baby love child I'll take you so high groovy love child give me A kiss baby love child

just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

My experiment measures the effect of microgravity on the propagation of the common cold virus in an anaerobic environment, i.e., space. Impressed?

It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him. Oh, man, I had no idea.

Amy, isn't it wonderful? I'm pregnant! Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise. Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal? just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else!

Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela.

I am? At last, recognition!

In this pitch-black abyss, life takes on bizarre and horrific forms. So, welcome to the abyss. Road trip! (SNORING) Kill all penguins...

And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living! Stop! We'll leave.

Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

So lock the door and hit the floor 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight. Go away.

You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger. Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me.

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew. All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first. Um, are you Lucy Liu?

And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor. Jiggers! I dropped my sexton in the stew.

Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off.

just like all women. Particularly you, Leela.

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs.

He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain.

My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

(ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection.

Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent. No, it isn't. Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria, just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you.

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey.

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence.

That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists.

How about a quick blast after lunch? Alas, a fine big one like you would shatter my barrel. But, ah, to amaze the crowd once more. I understand the problems of age, but suppose I could put you in a new body? Never! My body may be old, but it is mine,

Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait. Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock?

Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really.

Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!

Eyesight is for chumps. Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me. Well, duh. She's programmed to like you. But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century. She's more than just a piece of software. Would you like to take a moment to register me?

See you soon. ALL: Ew! Zoidberg, what is that? That is the delightful creature I've been video dating for the past four years. Hit it with a stick! Tonight is a dream come true,

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo.

Aah! This is not happening.

(WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the... No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help. There is. Get in, Nonchalanto. Bertha, no! It would kill you! I have not so much time left anyhow.

Maybe a digital photo, but with film, I still have the negative. Hurry, make a new print. I don't know how long I can distract Cobb's ego. Okay. I'll be in the darkroom. (YELLING)

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves.

Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it!

You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

I'm standing in a pool of my own feet! Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it! No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy! Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying. That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us. Amy has a point.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

(HUMMING) Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute.

Quick, while they're not looking! Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that...

There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable.

Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate.

I'd like everyone to meet our new employees. Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man.

That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Oh! I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me? There are still so many things I wanted to let go of! Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into,

Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic.

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

No, Professor. Don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up. By God, you're right!

The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

I said, hit the hay! Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine!

Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return. Wow. A whole planet of old people.

i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah

Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like.

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad!

You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster.

Shut up, Zoidberg.

Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV?

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body,

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go. Oh, mighty Mayor, we're here about Turanga Leela. You mean Leela? Right.

This makes me the oldest member of my family.

Oh, Monique. Why did we wait so many years to bathe in champagne?

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn. (CHEERING)

Just a few more feet. We have to get to that pile of dead bears by 7:38. A pile of dead bears can only mean one thing. But what? It's the 7:38!

This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

This! You for this. Thanks! No!

performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the-- Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me!

(IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

our mighty race was already 17 years old. Aww! For the first millisecond of time, things were okay, but then there arose a terrible enemy-- the Brain Spawn.

Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it.

Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second...

Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags.

The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez.

All the coolest robots are in this fraternity. Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot.

And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows. And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw! That was fun.

Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago.

Calculon, as your hot water heater, I would be remiss... if I didn't bring you scripts that could make you an international film star. Of course. Tell me about the project. It's a movie.

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this!

just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right?

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover.

cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now?

(HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! I demand extra dipping sauce! How many? I don't know. Two?

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela.

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much.

I never thought I'd live to see this tree again. Thank you for staying with me, Fry. I'm not Fry. I'm his great-great-grandson, Fry.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching!

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured!

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones! Don't let their identical DNA fool you.

It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell. Well, pull up a chair. Our paths first crossed when I was a researcher at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. The moment our eyes met we knew we'd be going at it like woodchucks.

He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry! Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain?

- What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo." No offense intended, my filthy friend. In fact, why not join us and ride the space rails?

Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa, we got to secure for Santa's arrival. just as well. I'm getting tired of this wood show.

JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?!

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast!

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans!

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench.

Got you! Sucker!

Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill.

All right, diamond, you won those rounds, but I've got an ace up my hole.

How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky.

You shut up. Anger, huh?

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

It's like Pat on a Sunday morning. Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth.

Daddy! (CRYING) Son! My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together. (CHITTERS) Fry, put these someplace safe.

Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. (BENDER GROANING) You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. It does sort of class-up the place. MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.!

What are we gonna do? Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible.

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show.

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

No wonder you girls aren't married. I tell you, men are so much better at being women.

Thanks to your husband's humanity, I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn. Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts. I beg you, Mrs. Astor, if you truly want to honor your husband's memory,

No! (LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'.

No one loves you 'cause you're tiny and you're made of meat. Could you maybe pay a little more attention to these asteroids? Sorry, Captain Leela. I guess I'm just having one of those manic Mondays.

Notify his survivors. B-e-n-d-e-r Bender!

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are."

(MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus! They're all dead, and their bones are gone. This was no accident.

Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry,

Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep.

It's July, right? Let's wait three months and go to Oktoberfest! (ALL CHEERING) All right, baby! (WHOOPING)

(LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%.

No. Now, go work the currency register. I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming." Oh, hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long.

In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box!

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

Not where it counts. (GROANS) I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art.

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access.

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm. Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure. Boy, Bender, you sure were chock full of parts. I didn't even know you had a wishbone. I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back.

Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir. We've gotta bring back the kind of Xmas I remember. Fry's right. It's time to sit on Santa's lap, and hard.

an elephant who never forgets... to kill,

It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING)

thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway...

Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie... the professor, as current C.E.O., remains--

I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor,

I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me. I was thinking I'd rummage through Phil's records... for something to play at the wedding. Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not!

Why couldn't I steal it? It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe.

Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender? When I use up the toilet paper, I don't put on a new roll.

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what.

They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

And then the explosion struck. (CRYING) The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both?

Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks.

It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry. I guess there's nothing wrong with being a little weird. Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything. We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but... we drawed you this picture.

(SIGHS) Okay, but hurry. The world's ending and your dream pants need changing. Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron.

Old, past your prime, a relic from a lamer era.

You're sweet, Leela. (GIGGLING) Sorry, Bev, but I ain't cut out for fatherhood. So here's my certificate of abandonment drawn up by our notary. That'll be 10 bucks. Now take your kid and hit the soup line!

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance.

Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt. I couldn't believe that--

No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery. I can build you a paraffin eye and graft it on with skin from your foot. It won't be able to see, but you'll look like a perfectly normal... two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal?

I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it. Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat! Ladies and gentlemen, for the 17th year in a row,

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage.

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship.

it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish. (HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling,

Sorry, you know too much.

Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste. All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products. You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do.

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault.

Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad. Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING)

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa!

I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it. My people ate them all. We kept saying, "One more can't hurt." And then they were gone. We're sorry!

What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

You want make love, not war? Jawohl. This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors. So be it. In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw.

Foiled. And after years of planning.

Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

Nailed you, buddy. Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like...

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done.

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want--

'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking! I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive. I wish I could come with you to say good-bye... before you all turn back into grown-ups.

I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening. Everyone, help Mom find her bra.

To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you.

Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing!

Oh, shut up! You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

Hurry up, you number-crunching crumb-nuncher! Everybody but me is dying of old age!

Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true. Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers. Don't you lay a hand on that angel!

Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'. What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms.

(CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal!

All right! Take it. Sheesh.

three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing.

She showed us it's wrong to eat certain things. Hear, hear! Let's get drunk! Aw, thanks, guys. Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig. Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one.

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste. This is it. My Ronco Record Vault.

I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops.

How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Ah... a picture of my mommy.

Greetings, followers. This is day five of my solo kayak journey around the world. Send. (LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP)

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy.

All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go.

On this auspicious occasion, let the Horn of Eternity cut a thunderous blast! The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun!

Ooh. Sorry. What sorry? Our planet stinks. We all know it. Enough with the persecution, I'm saying. Zoidberg, as ambassador, I promise you the full support of our government already. Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa?

Would you like some human with your salt?

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories.

Neanderthal? Yeah, I think somebody called me that. (SHIVERING) I'm kind of chilly. I don't suppose you have a... (GRUNTS) (ANIMAL WAILS) Oh! Still warm!

Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral. Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic.

Perfect scores! A record five gold medals for Coilette! I'm great! Everybody else sucks! Except that guy Bender. He's really something. Whoo! All medalists report for gender testing.

but up here, I'm above the law.

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act.

And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking... Yup. (SOFT SNARLING)

Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants. I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss. Hug. Handshake. I'll text you.

You idiot. I'm not a cannon.

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable.

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right!

You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago.

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal.

I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point... Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray.

I will destroy you! And stop calling me. I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym.

Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker.

Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley? 'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it. But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He-- I know. You do?

Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't!

Well, so long. Get well soon. Oh. Well. So long anyway.

Kittens give Morbo gas.

unaware of any time having passed.

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

A can of paint.

Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper. BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original.

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing! Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking.

No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink. So, forever. Come on. You can use the spa tub in the high-roller suite. Hey, big lobster

A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was.

Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No!

You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first.

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

(WHIMPERING) (KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit.

Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

Stay right there, dearie. I'll have tech support take care of you. Well, things are starting to look up. Look up! Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?

I suppose I could part with one and still be feared. Gimme some skin, Prof. I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter.

You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod. I do love a man in uniform.

Oh, you sad, worthless human.

I don't even know who this guy is.

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want.

You owe me one. Whoa.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty.

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Don't worry about MacZongo. He and I are having brunch tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing this. It's nice, but there's still something I don't like about that guy. My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins.

(ALL EXCLAIM) Whoa. Wow. AMY: A whole forest grew overnight. (METALLIC CLANGING) All these trees are robotic. I can't believe how quickly they sprung up. I can. Robots do everything faster, including evolving and believing how quickly things spring up.

I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich! What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah.

I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love. My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid. In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons.

Thank you, Abraham. Not in the hair, please. I just had it did.

Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'?

Four more years! Four more years!

Oh, no! Please, no! Perfect.

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING) The three co-workers I liked, all dead!

And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon.

You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy!

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em!

I may not be able to change the laws of time and space, but I know something that can. Uh-- Um, sweetie?

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated.

Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man.

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey.

Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker.

Taste like king crab, by the way. Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest... while I was still killing them.

Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

She's a beautiful ship, all right. Shapely, seductive. I'm going to fly her brains out.

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

You evil metal man! Ow!

No, sir. Not us FARTers! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model. As unclean as it makes me feel, I agree with Bender. Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV.

Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know. Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh! To the torture cave!

Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her.

Stench... Uh...

they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher! (ALL SCREAMING)

That was uncanny.

I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement. Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara? Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages.

So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead.

Everyone, help Mom find her bra.

Hey, Fry, I know something you could lay bare. Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture.

(EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES) I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can. Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is.

Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me...

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine,

The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties.

Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier.

Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha.

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him!

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure.

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo!

That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag.

she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware. Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch?

(WHALE SINGING) Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.

Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.

I'm going to go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them.

Wake up, Leela! I love you!

Well, hello there, handsome.

So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then-- Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse? Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood.

That's right, Ricardo. A ship in a bottle. What's that? Hang on. I'll look. Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

It's not supposed to be funny. It's a business meeting.

That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets.

It turns out it's man.

Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry?

You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast.

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS) Hey, Professor, couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge. There, it's recharged.

What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot? Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect.

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal. Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over.

Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Oh, no, you probably don't! (GRUNTS)

At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified. Reptilicus, hit the thingy. At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere.

Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus. So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first.

Whoa! Slow that brain train down, Prof!

That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really.

Let my people stay!

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam?

on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

(CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass

What time is it? Time for you to shut up!

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution!

Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars. Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man! You old lunatic! How ya been?

- They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things. No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself.

In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list. Come on, fellow mortal. We're in Tijuana. I want to live a little.

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Cupcake, we never told you this, but you had an older brother. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) GRAM-GRAM: In many ways, he was like you. He loved science and was desperate to go to college. He even looked a little like you.

Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age! Game over! Phil wins!

But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun--

I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship! You recorded that? The eyePhone records everything. All I did was add a laugh track and twit it to my 10,000 followers.

(STAMMERING) A ghost? No, just the regular kind. Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud. Adoy. Wait. Adoy?

Oh! You know Elzar?

Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

it's time I cut you in on the secret to success. - Any guesses? - Uh, work really, really hard? - No. - Oh, thank God!

(SINISTER LAUGH)

He's so polite. And hard-working.

Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick. Hey! A fish this fine belongs in a fish-nugget-style chunklet. Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. Ow! My small intestine!

I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot, and he's in focus.

I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living! Stop! We'll leave.

You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything. Quit standing up for yourself, Fry.

Gunnery Chief Bender, blast us out of quarantine. Aye, aye, lady! Oh, fiddlepoop! Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick. No, but theirs are!

Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting?

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING) Lot of weather we're having. Allow me, my lady.

He's going to blow!

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

I don't know! Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die!

Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up.

Ah, I just let you back in!

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Hey... Business is great. Great is okay, but amazing would be great. Please, don't push. There's hot dogs for everyone. Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered?

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork.

'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. The point is, one vote can make a difference. And even though it won't I'm still taking you to get registered.

And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en?

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night.

Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636. They planted traditional college foliage: Ivy, trees, hemp. Soon, the whole planet was terra-formed. Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course.

And handprints? But... what's happening? Fry! Thank God we found you. Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000?

may I say, "Bam!" Oh! You know Elzar? Hmm. Huh?

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock.

Well, whatever it is, we'd better figure it out soon because that ship will reach Earth in two weeks. (ALL GASPING) That's a hell of a slow ship.

All right, environment. You've met your match.

Oh, God! No! I want to live!

I love you all.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

So what makes Guenter talk? Is he genetically engineered? Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation.

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

I love takin' things That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

Munda, tell the Admiral that by signing this peace treaty, we will achieve harmony between our worlds. Zapp, honey, this is the wrong document. It's not a peace treaty. It says they're declaring war on us. Brilliant, isn't I? The moment they sign, we destroy their fleet in one glorious burst of quote-unquote self-defense.

It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew!

It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes!

According to government records the only names not yet trademarked are Popplers and Zitsels. I know-- We'll call them Popplers. You sure picked it. Swish.

Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them!

Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things?

Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers.

The disgusting little men are starting to sing.

He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat. A VIp tour of the Slurm factory.

Cut! Okay, now do one with the bean suit on.

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid.

Remember when I had those stomach worms that made me smart? I could play the holophonor, and it made Leela like me.

Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich! Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home.

Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows?

We're finished! She never got over it, Professor. Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned. She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her...

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes.

I can't move any part of me. Good. I'm really sorry I lied, Beck. All I ever wanted was to make music with you. I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone. Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted.

Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!"

If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard. Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

It's too risky! I'm a very meek individual. If her personality engulfs mine, the Bender you know and worship could disappear forever. I'm willing to take that risk.

Wake up, my king. Oh, geez, what a night.

Let's all go to the lobby.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Allow me, my lady.

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

I got to find that golden bottle cap. I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week.

Enough, you two.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there!

Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Hey, that's my brain! Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad. Let's stop off for a malt. See that waitress there?

Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up.

Follow me. It's immense.

Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed.

We can't leave yet.

Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah. I'm talking about Robanukah, the holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar. That's just a fake holiday you make up every year to get out of work. Yeah. If it's real, how come there's no song that explains how to celebrate it? Because there is.

- Question. - Yes? You stink. Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium... that should take the tar right off. Come on. Let's go tell Leela, so we can grow up together. Thanks, Professor, but I don't want the treatment.

Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please.

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth. One, two! one, two, three!

Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you. Zoidberg? (POPPING)

Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends?

And could you put "top-quality" in bold? You can't? Okay, whatever. Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive... for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end!

Yep. That stands up to scrutiny. I should have listened to my crew. That space whale wasn't a monster. It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys want to do this?

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it? Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

(IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry!

It's tempting but, uh, I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste!

You say you're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain? Yeah. You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid? Oh! Stupider. And you go on to say that we're headed for your home planet,

Leela, are you there? No. Oh, yes, you are. I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers to a special reception... to display the national silk surplus. I believe you know the heroic space stallion who captured it. Show them my medal, Kif.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back!

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

Good morning! Geez, who died?

Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha-- Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired.

I made free with it.

You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is, Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight?

Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray! Every little thing reminds me of Enos.

My God! Four identical castles.

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too. Perfect. This ought to make me stand out.

- I'm a human! - Also good. Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again.

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey.

You were having sex with you.

Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret.

Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact.

The People call our star witness, Mr. X, whose appearance will be altered because he's in grave danger.

Remember the code of the ice. Thick and blue, tried and true, thin and crispy, way too risky.

That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube!

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up!

Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy?

Waaah! Leela, you can stop winning now. We won. I'm too short to reach the hand brake! That's detention.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards!

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn!

Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there! But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

That's "eerie" with two E's. Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research.

Oh... Well, time for this robot to get back to work.

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry,

(LAUGHING) Now here's Sportsbot 5000 to tell us about two local gals, Amy Wong and Turanga Leela, who have won 15 Butterfly Derby bouts in a row, even as rumors swirl that they're juicing up with the controversial nutritional supplement known as Nectar. Sportsbot? That's pretty much it.

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's...

And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees--

Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no."

Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand.

(POWER SURGING) Huh?

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo.

And so, on the basis of one great performance that almost no one saw, I'm proud to dedicate Calculon's posthumous star on the Walk of Fame! (ALL CHEERING) Seems like old times, huh, Bender?

It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum! What are those worms doing to Fry's brain? They're giving it a complete tune-up.

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee!

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great

It will soon. That's why you're supposed to be setting off a bomb! Yeah, yeah. But I can't pass up a chance... to learn the answers to the greatest questions of all time. Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb!

Hey, according to the Scab Handbook, that's extremely inappropriate banter. And that's just the way I like it. Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new.

Check it out, everyone. I'm back from hell, and I've got the Robot Devil's hands! Neat! Let's see a trick! All righty.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry.

They had a place where you could buy nuts.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock!

I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go.

I don't know, but look out for that lighthouse! (ALL SCREAM)

Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations.

Next up, in what is generously called "the talent competition" performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the--

This is day five of my solo kayak journey around the world. Send. (LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send. (EYEPHONES BEEP)

All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her. But what I realize now is, I can't spend my life without her. So, tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me. Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards.

No, he didn't. Activating ice drill!

Now, we crash the ship into their headquarters killing them in a hellish firestorm from which no living thing can escape. Good, good. Then what? Then your mission is complete. I, meanwhile, will have ejected to safety wearing the only space suit on board.

Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Okay, then. Here's your dog back. Seymour!

Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food.

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better.

That's the first time anyone's spoken to me in 1,200 years.

Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for! Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here.

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him.

Good riddance. What about my service?

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it!

Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived

uh, integrity. Congratulations, Your Highness. I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid!

Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal. What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride. P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh!

Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

But it's so round, so hideously round. Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What? Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire,

We put calendar there to warn you not to visit Mars. It Mars that gonna be destroyed. (ALL GASPING) Why you think we so eager to abandon this dump? You guys got 10, 15 minutes max. Well, so long.

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades.

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Hey, brainey! Think fast! I always think fast.

Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma.

Hey, I'm Elzar. Welcome to the show. You know, you don't have to drive all the way to Neptune for great Neptunian food.

How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance.

Quit lying to your pudgy self. It does seem like jamaica would be able to field a strong limbo team without you. Yeah. Isn't that basically all jamaicans do? Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport. That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself.

Wait. Let me finish.

This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table. Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

Bender? Bender! Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored! Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking! Fry, it's been three days.

Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes! (INCESSANT NOISE CONTINUES) Oh! Good, Leela, you're here. I'd like to describe my foot pain.

(GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity.

Poor Bender. Well, let's drag him to the curb. Wait a minute. Bender is my best friend. We can't just dump him in the gutter like Grandma's ashes. Oh! My life is over. I'll never know happiness again.

And, in this corner, from and made of parts unknown, The Clear-Cutter. Bender rules! I got you an official Bender hat. Wow! Thanks, Hermes.

is immoral, illogical and a violation of interstellar shipping statute 437-B. That's what makes it so nasty. Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking.

There were no survivors. Takes all kinds.

That's very Earth-friendly. Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you. Oh, Elzar, bless you.

and starve to death.

just stay put and enjoy this calendar. Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist.

It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know.

Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive.

Stay safe, clover. I may need you again someday.

Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record."

Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere.

I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV.

FRY: Sounds fair. BENDER: Nice work, Hermes. Now that's what I call fine print. Okay, but good luck making a girlie calendar with only two female employees. Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job. HERMES: And it's excited about you, LaBarbara.

No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt! The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab.

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural...

Three, two, one.

Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing

And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like...

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad.

Next: New New York in crisis. Morbo? Thanks, human female. Puny earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York. Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

And non-union action!

just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

(FLY BUZZING) (GRUNTING) Yet still, I feel empty inside.

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not. Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait.

But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card! My whole life I've been mad at him, and it wasn't his fault.

The fact is, I really was born on Earth tomorrow. You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future. (GASPING) (GAGGING)

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot. just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant

What do you think, Leela? Judging from your tank top, you love getting hooted at by hillbillies. And you could use the $50 for another gallon of Hello Kitty perfume. The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting.

(GASPS) That's me! I recognize the face. (CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus!

Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box.

My only outlet was Octouran kung fu. Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships. Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed.

I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo.

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer.

Ah, good old Bender.

What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

We're going on a corporate team-building retreat. What? Oh, man! - Come on! - No!

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help! Oh! Leela, don't worry, we're here to rescue you!

Yes! He looks radiant. Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed. The time skips haven't stopped at all. Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure.

Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful!

(BEEPING GETTING FASTER) Ha, ha. Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant. (FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing?

No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Now, get in here before you freeze.

Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair. What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question. Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip. Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow.

Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

BENDER: Now what? I have decided, after little thought, to return your genders. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed.

Is that even necessary? I'm sorry, Daddy.

Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee.

Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun!

Now, your pine trees were all chopped down to make emergency toilet paper during the Fifty-Year Squirts.

I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop! Take my hands

Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Stop! What are ye doing? We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk. Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no.

Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah.

We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest.

You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.

What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto? Of course not. I'm just gonna tranquilize him, so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists. Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine.

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive.

She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

Four more years! Four more years! Psst. Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death, the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers... and never allowed to return. Oh, cruel fate!

Isn't that right, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You Ruth Bader believe it! But I... Of course I was born on Earth. Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake.

(GASPS) My old apartment. My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to...

- That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again.

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

My God, he's become evil. I mean, eviller.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale.

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES) Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed!

"Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

(ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg. (WHIRRING) Ooh, yeah. That's stable, baby. Just need to pick a lens.

What the hell's wrong with you? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury. In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good! (SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay?

(MEN CHEERING) Eight to eight. It's a tie. We can't trust a woman's math. Count again. (ARGUING) Greetings, soft ones. Who among you is your leader?

You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one--

You two aren't up to anything unethical, are you?

Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile...

What the... He isn't dead.

By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose. I'm off to my lab to build a successor-naming machine. Man, the professor's been in his lab for days.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95.

All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie.

No. I always knew I'd die at the bottom of a pit, but a pit full of tar? What was that? A tar dolphin or a tar shark? It's some kind of hollow tube devoid of human life. The Los Angeles subway! We can blast our way in and escape!

Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

- I want you to wake up. - Wake up? But I'm not-- In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift for me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space.

Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain.

Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me! Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because...

That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Amy. Kif! Whoa! Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness? Both. Whoa!

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why? Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together.

I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah! Wait! No, thanks.

(GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death? Yes, and I begged Zoidberg to put me out of my misery. Bring him, quickly.

Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed!

Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth.

Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it! No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy! Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying. That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us.

Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions.

Sure! I don't know what else to say, so I'll just say it. Okey-dokey, see you then. This is so unfair. I liked you back when you were a cyclops. That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome. Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on?

Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years.

(SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine.

Behold... the death clock. Simply jam your finger in the hole and this readout tells you exactly how long you have left to live. Does it really work? Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president."

Oh. Ah! My heart! Ho.

They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs. Aaah!

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself. Yea! Yea!

We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation. Guess who just killed a woodchuck with his bare feet? I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there.

We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God! Mutate! Mutate! Mutate! Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name? Whee!

Who's the perp? A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper, who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it.

Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose. - Guards! - Yeah?

Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up. Home run! Yay, yay! Right? Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay!

Well, if they're hoping to see a TV show that hasn't existed for 1,000 years-- they are royally boned. We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up.

But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much.

Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?! They're being crushed into powder and sold as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer. False hope. I love it. Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?!

Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

All right. I'm going to catch Travers on video at this sleazy strip club. BENDER: In and out of the club 13 times in one night. That's a record. Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out. Yeah, me. I set the record.

You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours. Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint.

Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better.

Huh? Damn it, Fry! He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain. I'm worried about him. He didn't come back with the group. He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means.

Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge. There, it's recharged. Ah... Again, again. Question?

Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation... is immoral, illogical and a violation of interstellar shipping statute 437-B. That's what makes it so nasty. Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking.

The kind I like tO meet pretty woman I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you mercy

That's no lady.

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then...

Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

Up yours, bimbo!

Let me make it up to you. I can fix it so no one ever makes fun of you again. You mean, by beating them up? Because I've broken that blind kid's nose, like, ten times, and it doesn't make any difference. No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery.

That's too painful to speak of now. Come. I'll show you your quarters. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald. But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust.

Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal.

It's on. (GRUNTS) No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this.

I don't even know who you are.

You're on a scenic route through a state recreation area known as the human mind. You ask a passerby for directions, only to find he has no face or something.

Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

Like we did with the barking snakes.

It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh!

I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you! And stop calling me.

Yes, Moon-Pa? These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met. Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act. Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender.

Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

The court is intrigued.

Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

but we, like, totally dissed Moose!

Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill.

Coordinates follow. Well, too bad we've got to make that urgent popcorn delivery. It'll get there.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job.

You've got a degree in bologna.

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where?

Please welcome our new Chief Executive Officer, That Guy! Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks.

A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back!

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right... But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn. A funerary urn.

Who will hug me if I achieve something?

Oops, I'm sorry. There it is-- The Near Death Star.

Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player!

There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what?

No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender.

Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better.

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet. I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict.

Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say

Let us handle this, weirdie. Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Let's cut our losses and go home.

Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day.

You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING) (TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition?

We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV!

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

One down. Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things?

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy.

(HORSE WHINNIES) Wow, where'd you get the horse?

Ah... Again, again. Question? What if you had a special moment that you wished could go on forever? Could the Time Button make it last as long as you wanted? Hell, no. This button is for scientific use only.

There'll never be another like him. Let's hire someone better.

There, there. I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy! Hey, wait! You can't leave... What? (WAILING)

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon," and then Calculon said, "No!"

Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

Do the back dance, do the back dance. (GROANING) FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone. I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela.

Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor. It's someone in whom I have great faith even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing.

Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

We didn't see anything...

Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before--

I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me.

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil.

What the-- What's this water made of, ice? Forget this!

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up!

Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers. Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing?

May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose."

Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh? Oh, sorry. 109. We'll check it again at halftime. You home from school, you traitor? I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work.

Now, now. No need to give us the business.

(GASPING) (GAGGING)

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

I don't have what it takes, and nothing can change that!

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this?

I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him!

Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

(LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar. Tell me, Dr. Beeler. Will I need to threaten you? Not at all.

Have you seen this robot?

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

Crew on deck. How was the delivery to Tokyo? Not bad. Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago. You can't expect me to honor what Year-Ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish.

You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

I still remember the combination. Three.

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts.

Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

Oh, good, it works. Toodle-oo! (SLURPS)

There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the mind switcher. Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys. But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life.

Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

So, he's a folk singer. So what? So what? Have you forgotten my lifelong dream of being a folk singer? Because I sure have until right now.

Right kind of you, mum.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies?

How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know.

Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job.

So is forging phony I.O.U.s Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot. just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't

I hope they can make change for a fortune. Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard... Flashin' his filthy scab money.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry!

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola. The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey.

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight. A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations!

What a weird dream. I'll never get back to sleep.

New Jersey was full.

It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays.

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever.

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me. Hmm.

The justices and I will now confer, using high-speed telepathy.

Where were you born? Our Lady of Patriotism Hospital. Patriotism, good. Where is it? Kenya. Cradle of humanity. Leela, this is just a stupid distraction from the issues. Please don't look for my Earth certificate. Hey! That was my favorite window. I better see what they want.

(EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that?

I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him. All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two?

(SNORING) He won't wake up if we stay quiet. (EXCLAIMS) (GROANS) Nibbler! Scat! - (EXCLAIMS) - (MUSIC STOPS)

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you.

He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums? The planet's "kerploding."

Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough.

Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses.

Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble. They don't.

And I, as a renowned ear, nose, and blowhole doctor, could do the operation! Are you nuts? If she could smell, she'd smell you! Your relationship would be over faster than you can say... (WRETCHES) Listen to Orange Joe. You must never let the girl know of this wonderful surgery.

and as a bonus, childhood obesity. And here's Dean Farnsworth, developer of the Farnsworth Test for Colorblindness. Where is he, blast it? And just recently, I learned of a modern-day Farnsworth who invented the Anti-Senility Truss. That's you, Professor.

I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion! (GROANS) But that's really hard. Hard shmard. I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy.

Angleene. Hello!

Ooh, this is it! Turn me up. Earlier today, a foul-mouthed bandit robbed the municipal pool, making off with the contents of over three lockers. More like three lockers and a sink. Bender, did you have something to do with this? Of course not!

All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe. What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody?

I'll always remember this, Bender. Me too. Me too. jerk. So, Flexo and Angleene had sex right there on the factory floor? Well, at least you got bending out of your system.

Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab.

Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

(BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more? Imma go take that job offer at Lehman Brothers. (SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around?

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch?

we can be an inspiration to other mutants. I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss. Hug. Handshake. I'll text you.

Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

Oily humanoid. At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

I've been processing this for some time, Monique and, well... will you marry me? Oh, Calculon! It fits! Then you must know that I'm--

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend?

Has anyone seen Bender? Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot! Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs.

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve. Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain.

Thank you for staying with me, Fry. I'm not Fry. I'm his great-great-grandson, Fry. You are? My beak is different, see? It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island. Watch! I'm stuck! Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert?

Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all.

My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird. Sean was uneducated, unambitious-- - He was pasty and hunched-- - Pretty boy. But when he played, I could sense this incredible,

Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that, I now know exactly how to end my comic book. Let's watch. FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead,

(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) (STUTTERING) Ooh! Room for one more? (LAUGHING SAUCILY) (ALARM BEEPING) (GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night.

Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS)

But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

(DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING)

All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady!

Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh!

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

It's a single atom of jumbonium.

What? Oh, this is horrible. I won't be able to hear Fry's opera. How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic.

Oh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic.

Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to.

Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

A cute little heart attack!

or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum! Man, this place is a snooze. Hey, Fry, I challenge President Taft here to a pie-eating contest. You're on, skinny.

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together. I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they.

"So, is it a deal?" I inquired. Two hours later, he was gone with 60 of my dollars, but I had the Miracle Cream! Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded! I need you to take it back and exchange it...

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure.

My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum.

I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded. This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING)

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge. Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh!

The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm.

Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string. That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

Mm. The "gristle in a blanket" isn't half-bad. And try one of these popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavor. Hey, look. It's our old group picture. I don't see you anywhere.

Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion.

Good-bye, Bender. Wait for us! Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

It's a suppository.

Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Wait. Allow me. Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York.

Wait! I'm too rich to be kidnapped!

before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them.

(BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing. Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS) I'll make this simple. Our money or your life.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go.

I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello.

Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option.

We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again.

Welcome to Fenway Park, home of the Boston Poindexters, where the Mets close out a season that will rank among mankind's most awful crimes.

English - US - Line 21

And here we go!

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

Well, I lost two straight hands to the Borax Kid.

You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do.

Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal? Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows.

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in!

This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like.

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think--

10,000 views? That's more than most water-skiing squirrels get. You really think I have a chance? Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager.

Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

FARNSWORTH: Everything was going smoothly until right after that part I was just telling you about. Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet.

(ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years, my beautiful wife Munda has been by my side,

We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch. It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate hunk-of-the-month calendar.

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave.

Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female?

I got you something. Moderately priced domestic non-vintage champagne! How did you know? You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever stops to tell you what a great captain you are. Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful, and best of all, you'll go out with me?

First of all, Dr. Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree? I lost it... in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye?

Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek. I need coffee.

You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen. You see, I was once like the rest of my species, showing my face to one planet, draining its life force and moving on. But when I got to Earth, I found a different kind of prey.

Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it?

Intruder! Stay away from the mighty Femputer. Guards! Time to override the C.P.U. and reprogram this femputer. Hey! Whoa! Whoa!

Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work--

Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil.

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

(SPLUTTERING) Ah! What are you Globetrotters doing here? We're in town for the big game. And we stopped by to help our friend, the professor, with his cloning machine. Just call me the clone prince of basketball. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips?

Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir. Roger that. Kiff, get me ten cases of Pert 'n' Popular. What shall I do with your jergens, sir?

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want.

In other news, alien saucers continued to rain destruction upon Earth. We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal. Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot.

We've had digital cameras for a thousand years. Digital? (SPITS) No digital camera can capture the warmth and grain of good old film. How can you even tell? Your eyes are digital cameras. And where can you possibly get film developed nowadays? Right here. You're looking at the last chemical darkroom in existence.

Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh! Neat! Over the course of this escape-proof workshop, your software will be reprogrammed through prayer. And by some tech-support guys in India.

Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers.

And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge.

MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is. Curious. You are a diarchic society?

Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest. At first I was consumed by a dark obsession to kill the whale.

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway. I was, but you can't sit on something for a week without falling in love with it. Whoever's in here deserves a chance at life. A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man, like I did as a baby.

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

(ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope. Really? No, don't get your hopes up.

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset.

Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

Here's corpsey!

So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth.

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem. This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date?

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

Target acquired, Mother.

I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action!

He's the evil Bender. Rage dump.

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters.

You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics. - Wha-- - Huh?

Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say-- Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company.

We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs.

Mmm. Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah.

Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep.

Now boarding stand-by passengers-- This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

I broke your television.

You take her. Fry! Although...

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear.

No. Get out. Next? Well, I guess reality is what you make of it.

(COUGHS) Big night, eh, Mr. Fry? The biggest, Janos. Check this out. What is that? Some kind of time button?

All personnel, report to the laboratory. I've discovered the source of the music. (LAUGHS) Hologram off. (BEEPING) As you can see, I've picked up an alien ship on the long-range scanner. It seems to be emitting musical tones in an effort to communicate.

I'm the greatest! Oh, monkey trumpets. You have coughed at our offer of peace, so you must die. The very bead used to crush our dreams...

Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.

Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you.

The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling.

They said it couldn't be done, Kif, but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon. Sun. At night it's called the moon.

So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it! (GRUNTING) What goes down must back up.

I owe it all to you. There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this?

(DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

while us men reminisce and smoke some stogies.

Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

Such senseless aggression.

Careful! That's a week old!

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

What? Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you.

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender! This society is a bunch of idiots.

I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later!

And the winner is... Robot House?!

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card.

No. All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you. And that's why you'll never make captain, Kif. Hmm. Hello, Zapp? Well, well, well. Zapp, we're out of fuel.

Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will

would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions. Aw, boo-hoo. Now here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it you'll have 25 minutes to get away. That's all? But-- Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say.

Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days.

Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here.

Uh, while you're at it could you touch up this seam?

So, how long will it take? Four or five hours. Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair. Enjoy!

Whoa-oh-oh-ohs!

Two, three... hey.

(LAUGHS EVILLY) Oh, no, you probably don't! (GRUNTS) Gotcha.

No! (SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians.

As you know, the big break-dance battle is Saturday. So If we want to win those jam Master jay autographed parachute pants, our crew has to pop, lock and bust the freshest. Noticeably F.A.T., drop us a beat. Name? Cosmic F.

What you talkin' 'bout, Fry? Trust me on this. While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world. Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside. Now just read these cue cards. And... action!

Look. It's the symbol of Bender's old religion. Unbelievable. It's an actual, factual robot hell. Who would have thought hell would really exist?

Ugh! I suppose you'll be wanting to keep your tooth fillin's.

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg. You were saying?

Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

- Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on! Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad.

(SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent.

Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league!

Nibblonian fleet holding at perimeter of Moron Zone, formerly known as Earth.

Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Stand back. Oops.

(SCREAMING) So, anybody hungry? I could stuff myself. I'll use that free app that tells you what restaurants you're near. You mean the window? Yes.

Okay, kids, get ready to be subjected to our new fall shows. Mr. Funny-Bunny here will gauge your reaction by bombarding your brains with harmless snuggle rays. He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs.

(SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING) (GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese. (MOANING) P.U.!

I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me. Don't take it so hard. I used to miss my body too, but then I fished this mannequin out of the 92-Cent Store Dumpster. Wow! We've sure got a lot in common, Beck. I always dreamed of being a musician-poet who transcends genres,

- Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman.

Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly. Maybe a rock star.

I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two.

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision.

There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I.

expelling the entire worm society. But what about the worms in the other parts of his body? Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left. All right. Let's smoosh some worms!

Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

You know what? I'm going to give it a shot. Let's go surf the great sewer waves of the world! (SURF ROCK PLAYING) (SQUEAKING)

Ladies and gentlemen, Conan O'Brien's head.

Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest.

Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son. (COUGHING) Hey, wait a second!

And with that... I have closure.

Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently.

No, not MacZongo! If anyone is going to kill Mr. Peppy, it should be me. Fry, I know you're upset right now, but I hope you'll consider donating the body to science dinner. (SLURPING) Here, Mr. Peppy.

We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

"this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute. I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is.

Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend...

I'm telling you. The Y2K computers got him. We'll face burnin' roads, rivers explodin', calculators transformed into Scud missiles. There's nothing we can do. Woo-woo-woo, woo-woo-woo woo-woo

Here's the big Enchirito--

Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go? Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

Shall we adjourn to the dungeon? Well, I got my shield for stopping Bender. (ALL CHEERING) But, then I got fired for tipping off Bender. (ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here,

They got medals.

I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me?

Hey, Scratchmo! How about droppin' me and the lady some rump-rattlin' beats? I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash, my rage would've subsided. Sadly, that has not happened.

It's an important unit. And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh!

or two. Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm.

just be cool. Nobody knows we're "superpowerly" challenged. Man, this costume is so damn heavy. Hey, Captain Yesterday! Can I, like, wail on you... with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt.

As soon as someone reaches a million followers, I'll use them to transmit the twit-worm. Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm. It's a very special computer virus,

Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy?

Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough. Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good. I wanna buy this franchise. How does a hundred thousand dollars sound? Forget it-a! We come to Earth to make-a pizza, not-a money. - No, Blek! Other way around. - Oh, right. Offer accepted.

Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated. Come on. It'll be fun.

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch.

It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb.

Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

D'oh, man! Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh! Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission.

Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here.

I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky!

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

(EXCLAIMS) All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient! (SPEAKS ITALIAN) Never shall I reveal how these wondrous machines fit together! They fit together? I said no such thing. And then I died!

While you await your "friend," allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern.

Oh, right. If I die, I die.

LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth. Foof. You're a disgrace to the very name, Farnsworth. Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled?

Do you think he has something to do with these cats? The conclusion is as inescapable as it is moronic. I say we pay him a visit, and if he won't talk to us, he'll talk to Smith & Wesson (COCKS GUN) or, perhaps, Consolidated Head Melter.

With the cards. (WHIRRING) And with the ladies. Whoa! Sir! But those are my arms! That's gropey and that's cheaty.

Suicide booths.

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea. I'm calling to negotiate a double date.

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do!

Abandon ship! No! Don't give up now. We're but a stone's throw from the pyloric sphincter.

Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar,

Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo!

Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my--

In order to fix your leaky roof, I'll need to spend two or three hours down here in the wine cellar. I'll be upstairs putting batteries in things. Whoa! The Maltese Liquor. Forty ounces of heaven!

You're going...

But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese.

Hey, there's my little space heater.

I've found the secret of robotic free will. We can finally build robots that act and think with total independence. At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Stupid bird, I know where you live! Hey, it's Leela. Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone?

Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know. Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot. Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me? We both know there's something there.

NARRATOR: A wise man once said that nothing really dies,

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle.

What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.

I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years. And here it is slightly over 99 years later and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.

In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents. If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents.

It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us!

That is what you're looking at. Oh. How could you do this, Fry? (STAMMERS) Coma... Sad... I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

The exit. We made it! Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah!

I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced?

What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no.

Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already.

Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth?

Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no! Nobody tell Fry I'm deaf.

That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office. Let's try him out.

Why do we have to resort to nonviolence? Can't we just kick their asses? Now, little lady, those people's asses are living things too.

One last chance to play, if you're not too tired. Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job! Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles! I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I almost got you! Come here, you. (SQUEAKING)

Because he already died! (GASPS) T.! (SOBS)

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news.

(BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute.

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine!

What category are they on?

I may be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity?

I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings.

Truly a great man.

We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no!

Hold out your palm. What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced. This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there... it's a then. The future.

You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles.

Don't stick your tongue out at me.

Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages. So you lost the atom, huh? You're garbage, human garbage!

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor.

I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross? The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000.

That's what I called to ask you. Well, you didn't! I've got to figure out where Leela went. I just need some kind of clue. Ow! (GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from? I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure.

Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both. You lazy runts. Don't you get paid for making the toys? Who said "toys"? Toys? Someone said "toys"? False alarm, folks.

Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box, but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there?

(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) LEO: This very lucky casino we own. Someone wins one million dollar every hour!

You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

Wow, I'm finally going to see my favorite chef TV's Elzar!

Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you.

You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost?

Wait. That's not good news at all.

And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people.

And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

Oh...! Oh, Lord.

Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

I'm a grade 20. Where is it? I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered.

Bathroom's that way.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't.

Good, now let me just get the lights.

I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces. What, are you on a diet?

I'm expressing my sorrow. Get lost! I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too! We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap. I croaked. Now show me some love.

You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her.

But they treat us like second-class hominid. They drive us from valley, and we end up living here, in isolated crevice. We figure, "whatever." But then we get trapped by encroaching ice age. Now we sealed in under sky of ice.

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog.

I'm 40% back, baby!

Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh?

but me teeth still look like this? Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again? Don't want to. Rather nice, living under the Crown and so forth. Rather. (EXCLAIMS) What's more, couldn't go back even if we wanted to. No more crystalline opal left in all the world, don't you know?

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

Thanks, everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game. Yeah, the game of old maid. (LAUGHS) Excuse me, sir, are those yours? You're damn right, and before you ask, this is mine, too.

I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me. And now he's gone, thanks to you, Mr. Bigshot 7-G. I'll never see Hermes again.

Who shall live and who shall die? Step right up to the contrabulous choose-matron! I hate waiting in line to die.

Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win. But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you!

Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose. What kind of lazy ending is that? I'm not gonna put that in my song. Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd.

This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort. Uh, uh... how about that one? Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing. Oh second thought, I'll take that one. Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgment.

You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING)

no! Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so.

exactly 24 hours. No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave.

requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping.

Red ball. Homicide! Woo!

when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham?

Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me?

Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist.

Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose. But in the meantime, I have good news! I may have solved our age problem. Yea! It seems the youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A.,

This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so...

I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh! Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

Gentlemen, ladies, let's get this globe trotting. (ALL GRUNTING) It's working! Just a little faster!

Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins!

I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings.

Remember, Bender? That was the deal.

And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!

Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust?

A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo. Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online.

Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite!

...Some of that special sauce. Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God!

the cold, lifeless touch of her tentacle on my body.

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger!

Yo, freak jobs! Hit the nearest manhole, pronto-like. But we have passes that allow us to be up here. From the mayor himself! I don't know. I never heard of no mayor. The Zookeeper! Sorry I'm late. Long story.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas.

No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there.

I was gonna go yachting in those feet! (HISSING) Oh! (GRUMBLING) Oh! Oh! Aah! Relax, you babies. It's no different from stomping a puppy.

Mmm! (BOTH SCREAM) You're an alien? Do you speak English?

Try and stop me. Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people?

(GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But-- Don't be a prude, Fry. Mmm! Boy!

But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING) Man, the future is a total craphole,

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS)

Farewell, Nikolai. Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill.

I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace, a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day!

Greetings, Execubots. It is I, Calculon. But you're dead. Can we get you a water or something? No, just my old leading role, for I have freed myself from death's icy grip. If you'll just give me the keys to my trailer...

Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found. Let that be a warning to you.

We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together,

(SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING)

Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby! Do the back dance, do the back dance. (GROANING)

WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

We're here because we, uh... love our planet. Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation.

And now, let us salute that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag, Ol' Freebie. I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa! Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof.

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over! Half over? Oh! I'd give anything to hear the rest. Anything?

How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you threw an octopus at my window.

But Nixon passed a law that says ex-cons can vote again as long as they vote for Nixon. But Nixon's the worst president in history and alternate history. The rest of you aren't voting for him, are you? - Sure, we are! - Why not? He may not be perfect, but do we really want some unknown new guy? I'll stick with the evil maniac I know, thank you.

Leela, could you come in here for a moment? I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

I'm sick of my head doing things. Leela!

Go, Leela! Put it right down the pike! Strike him out, Leela! Do it for the hundreds of women everywhere! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Your attention. Now pinch-hitting for the Poindexters, jackie Anderson! Will ya look at that?

Ooh! Hmm. Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon.

"Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead." "I will now make my closing statement.

O glorious conqueror, permit me to offer up a sacrifice. How about this? Hey! Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over. Fine, okay. About this conquering thing, (CHUCKLES) funny story...

So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior.

Come in. All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her. But what I realize now is, I can't spend my life without her. So, tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me.

So this is your lair? Of course not! You think I'd show you my lair? My lair's a million times nicer than this. Okay. Take it easy.

Not often though. Mmm.

I kind of hoped this whole experience...

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness!

Yet, so desperate the city's desire for tourism that they moved offshore, becoming an island and an even bigger Delta hub, until the city overdeveloped and it started to sink.

Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone.

Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey!

No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

(ALL GROAN) And now to transfer your planet's rotational energy to my home world.

Fry, are you all right?

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

Schman, the great rad spot is mega-sweet for party boarding. - Indeed. - Any calls while I was out? Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called?

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

Oh, don't feel bad. We can celebrate the day I extracted you from the cloning tank. Or the day I scraped your D.N.A. from that growth on my back. Ooh! That one! Ahhh, yes. It was 13 years ago next week. I used this very fork.

His species must have filled the entire planet with it. Did you do that, you cute little-- Come on. That should be more than enough fuel to get us out of here. Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me?

I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either. Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around. Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal?

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology.

What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me!

Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer. Both our dreams came true.

Amazing! It appears to be some kind of extremely ancient calendar, predating even the Girls of Sumeria. Of course. It's a Mayan calendar. No, wait. There's some dried-up old stew on the screen. Sorry. I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn.

It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even-- Ah. There we are. One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch?

and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie?

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more!

There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails?

just give me your best animal. Best? Well, that's a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail. That's a stupid animal. You're stupid. I said I want the best one. Now which costs more-- the parrot or the stink lizard? The lizards are a buck each. The parrot is $500. That's a hell of a good parrot.

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado.

Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart. And you all do the same. Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight. You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married.

This company's on the fast track to the "It List." Blast fax kudos all around! Uh, hello? We haven't made one delivery since you two took over. Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business. Image, people! Image! Scope out this new ad!

It means you'll never be able to return to the surface. I don't care. I'm staying. I've got everything I want right here. I'm bored! Let's go. You know, Fry I've got a little place just outside town. You could come visit, maybe?

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments. We sometimes called it a jogging suit.

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa!

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream. Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you.

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS) All right, how we feeling?

Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more.

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean.

Great choice. Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening?

it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave.

No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it.

As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree? I lost it... in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway?

- Bam! - It's okay, my man. I got you covered on your next health inspection. Oh, I really appreciate that, Mr. Mayor's Aide. Here ya go. Compliments of the house. Wow! Free bread at a restaurant! Is there anything you can't do? I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

It better be spicy.

(GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go.

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already? Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself,

Pass the bologna. Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands...

(STRUMS GUITAR) Silicon Red, everyone. (SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well

There, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat. It better be spicy. Well played.

I can move again. My music career is over. Bender, I don't claim to understand "the biz," but wouldn't being able to move help your music career?

Hmm. He's a witch!

Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

What category are they on? They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing.

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos." Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon. Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar.

Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

At last I'm beautiful!

Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk!

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God!

MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir!

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that...

Well, that was rude.

Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah! And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified. It's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit. That's like digging up Lassie and putting her on display in the Louvre. - Lassie is on display in the Louvre. - I know.

'Cause we got A little ol' Convoy rockin' through the night yeah, We got A little ol' convoy ain't she A beautiful sight

(SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die.

Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over.

You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said.

Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently. It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up?

If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals? Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit.

and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company. You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets? Indeed, and we're next if we can't keep it in our collective pants.

What time is it? Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here! (GRUNTING)

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future.

Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender!

Let's go already!

- join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God! just as I suspected.

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender,

It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange.

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman.

No, you shut up, please.

Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look.

Now it's a stain that will never wash clean. Farewell.

MAN: It's The Futurama Holiday Spectacular brought to you by... (READING)

(GASPS) Gotcha! No! Please, sir, I implore you, destroy that photo of me. It's not just my privacy I've been protecting all these years. If you show anyone that picture,

Um, a little help, please. Whoa! Oh, what the hell.

Au revoir! Can I use the gun, Dad? Oh. What kind of father would I be if I said, "No"?

(ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Who the hell is this? How did you get this number? Is this the robot company? 'Cause I have a complaint about a defective robot. His name is me! A defective robot, you say?

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores.

I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working.

Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this!

(TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Table Seven? (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) Now, watch, Kif, as I score a diplomatic coupe by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue. Last time you tried that, the Mexican restaurant declared war on us. I beg you, just use the translator.

I have got to quit drinking. Thanks, friend! Another great thing was she always had room for dessert. (SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth!

So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? A movie-- A movie, ma'am. Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00. Dad! You're being too lenient again. I have to be back by 11:00! Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not!

If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did. Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us.

But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look.

while I was still killing them.

Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound. Uh, look.

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost...

Rich nephew! Come over here... and give your uncle a nice, big meal.

The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING) You're going...

How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no!

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

He was also a robot? Dude!

Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty.

And once that genie is out of the bottle... I can cure you, too. Okay, I'm in.

I got it! I got it! I don't got it! You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper. You can get off me anytime.

Oh, look. A cute little welcoming party. Hey, wanna buy a tiny little kidney?

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people.

It's got a real nice profit margin. Bam! So, special occasion tonight?

If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

Approved for all audiences! No!

Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air. Him pending para un bending. Oh, Qbert, come in here.

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah!

Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya. Interesting. The trousers conceal a tiny secondary horn. - Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him!

Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead. Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people. They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole,

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich! That's it, Brett.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

Now, to take off my tuxedo.

He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful.

But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul. Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm." Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh.

Bot wash, yeah Oh... Oh!

You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them.

Come on, girdle. Hold.

We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth.

You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew! Yo, dawg, we're a crew. Well, that solves that. If we're gonna be co-workers, I gotta be straight with you.

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold.

(MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning. So please, give generously, knowing some poor helpless mutant will thank you. Not in person, thank God.

Well, sure you can! You just need to get a bending card installed. I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but what the heck. He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned.

I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Would not! Oh, yeah?

You can't do that.

- Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell! Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted.

Hey, look. It's our old group picture. I don't see you anywhere. That's me, over in "Cootie-town." Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him. One Eye, One Eye!

I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out.

we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

Nothing, nothing at all. This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning. Hurray! Hurray! (SIGHS) I was going to tan once.

but you know you do. I defy you not to watch. A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all. Well, I'm not.

That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched. Okay. I also would have accepted a bribe.

Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

Now vent! Vent like the wind!

Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas.

You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso.

I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair. Ooh. Ho-ho-ho.

Fire! What the-- We missed!

Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege. For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help. What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say.

Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise. They will not eat everyone on Earth. I filled up on nuts at the negotiation. Instead, they will eat only a single human of their choice.

Hurray! We're three friends at the beach!

Aha! Bender! I was just not playing the holophonor. Yeah? Well, you should try not stinkin' at it. I am trying. I've been taking lessons. Lessons? Oh, that's rich! Isn't it time you gave up all hope of ever improving yourself in any way? I know I should, but I just can't.

But I... Of course I was born on Earth. Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake. I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions?

We demand bouncing, followed by rolling, followed by rolling of the third type.

Ah, this is the greatest nanosecond of my life. No, this one is. No, this one. Wait... that one was slightly worse.

What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle. Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them?

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away. (SNORING)

First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

I do not want to shoot anybody.

Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it! Robot House! So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

I ran over that bird-watching jerk and a hundred others even my best friend from aromatherapy school. I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car. I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as...

All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium. This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here? Not... I. Not... I. Good night, sweet prince.

Does anyone else find this delivery suspicious? Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care. Well, I'm smart and I care too much. I want to know what's in that crate. But we're not allowed to open it!

One year to go. Six months. I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour,

Daddy, I love you. (CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for. Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No!

Let's go. If I say one more thing, I might say it with my evening boot. Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant?

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy! I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar. I'll get your daughter back, sir. I swear.

Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing. All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back? Sorry, but I hold all the cards here. There's nothing you can do. Now if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver...

Thee will be done.

Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me!

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah! Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet.

So you opened the record vault, and the clover was gone? Yep. Nothing in there but all the best music of the 1980s in one amazing collection. Survivor, Pat Benatar, the Scorpions-- the list goes on. That clover helped my rat fink brother steal my dream of going into space.

(ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt!

but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them.

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class. Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women.

Well, I guess it's time to indulge in some end-of-the-world debauchery. Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah. Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.

Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating.

So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Yes? Delivery for a Mr. 147573952589676412927? Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human.

I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison. You really are too picky.

What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger...

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window! No, no. Wait. I-- I feel terrible about what happened.

Back, you beasts! Follow me. The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose. (GRUNTS) (AMY PANTING) (ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and...

but I have the greatest dad in the whole universe. He's patient, he's not afraid to show his emotions... Don't look at me! ...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy. I could take him or leave him.

Hmm... This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it. Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then...

But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys. Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you?

General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this. The debris from an alien spaceship.

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all.

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away. Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is--

You bought that cultural heritage hoo-ha? (SCOFFS) What a bunch of big-city dummies.

Can't we just set it free to live with its own kind? Poor, ignorant Leela. The bone vampire is now extinct on its home planet. (GASPS) That's perfect. We can reintroduce it to the wild and repopulate the species. Yeah, let's do those Leela things! (YELLS)

If a dog craps anywhere in the universe you can bet I won't be out of the loop. And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions?

But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad. The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin. That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad. (ROARING)

(GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat! There's a duo here to rescue us! How dynamic are they? Not very. Go about your business, citizens.

This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder?

(YELLING) (GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe.

And here we go! I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya. With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever. I have these three costumes you could use.

I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out.

They still stink of candy corn. Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life. What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die! I know, right? I'd murder him good, if only I was still alive.

Draining male oil! Eww! Infusing female oil!

Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing. Of course! Having no mouths or ears, they could only communicate through motions. Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance.

Behold! The Internet! My God.

It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I?

a real, live date in a physical place that exists. I just have to go straighten up in case we end up at my place. There. My home's all clean except for one part, the inside.

May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator. She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure.

Sweden? I don't think so!

Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy. Hey, the TV's back on!

Professor, no! Don't do it!

So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby! Then I'm going in after him! No! He'd come after me!

Thank you for your glorious beacon. It saved our lives and our Saturday night. Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper.

Toss it in the garbage.

I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you

Yes, but not by enough.

(ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

Je suis Napoleon!

(CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die! Dr. Zoidberg? I'm sorry for treating you like a total Zoidberg... I mean, loser. Go on.

They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks. Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak.

Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks?

No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery. I can build you a paraffin eye and graft it on with skin from your foot. It won't be able to see, but you'll look like a perfectly normal... two-eyed person. Me? Perfectly normal?

Zapp, honey, this is the wrong document. It's not a peace treaty. It says they're declaring war on us. Brilliant, isn't I? The moment they sign, we destroy their fleet in one glorious burst of quote-unquote self-defense. Up high, Mrs. Brannigan.

Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know. Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall? Ah, good old Bender.

We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela Here on level one of robot hell Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s

You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup.

two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah!

Good news, everyone.

What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death.

Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable.

Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo! Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal.

Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it. I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero.

(HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da!

It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention.

Lick my frozen metal ass.

It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk. I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong.

Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim.

Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me! Why can't anybody hear my witty remarks? This is hell. (SCOFFS) You wish.

Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"?

Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you. And the best part is,

Pinching the hitter? I don't understand this blerns-a-ball.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Well, what'll it be, folks? Tap water or bottled?

Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband!

We Galapagos tortoises have no natural predators. That's so fascinating!

Dearly beloved, it is with the great speed that I now pronounce you husband and wife. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Hey! What the...

Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy. In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust?

This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't...

PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why? So I can kill my human brain cells.

a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun.

Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy.

And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong. Too bad it's a dump. Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single?

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen?

I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead, it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this.

Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true.

It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things!

Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender. Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh...

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off?

Where's the money in that? I'll just make up my own. But, robot, you can't just make up folk songs like you can a medical diploma. They have to come from the heart. Wrong again, Zoidberg. While you were yakking, I downloaded every folk song in the universe and analyzed them. There are only a few basic patterns.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

(EXASPERATED SIGH) The only way to end this madness is for the ladies to quit, cold turkey.

Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

A lot of ships get stolen on this planet, so, Bender, stay here and stand guard. Okay. I hope I never see you again. Uh, I don't like the looks of this gang-infested neighborhood.

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool.

Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life. My friends, I found religion. Religion? Is this another scam to get free yarmulkes? Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive.

Qbert, as my successor I'm trusting you to carry on my work. These are just some of the half-finished inventions you'll spend your life finishing. I didn't realize you were the inventor of the junk heap. That's my prizewinning Smell-A-Scope. If a dog craps anywhere in the universe you can bet I won't be out of the loop.

Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha!

It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute. Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot.

We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth.

We have a crowded field of candidates, so I will dispense with the informal terrorizing and begin the questions. Is this the political process? 'Cause I'm here to get involved in it. Silence! Question one. Will you pledge today to somehow reduce taxes while simultaneously lowering the deficit?

Hi. I'm Claudia Schiffer's head. I recognize you. Didn't you use to have a body of some sort? Yeah, but it was holding me back. You know, I just did the cover of the Sports illustrated swim cap issue. Well, you're looking great. Thanks. I wouldn't mind losing a few pounds, though. Couldn't hurt.

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

(SPLUTTERING) Ah! May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap! TAKEI: Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei?

which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.

And I'm organizing a tap-dance contest for the Parks and Rec Department. If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay? Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to...

Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

And it looks so cruddy, their ironic hipster parents will "love it." Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit.

I love this job. Me, too.

But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that. You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass!

(ALL CHEERING) Kill-check two is go. CROWD: Ooh!

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever.

Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty.

Howdy, folks. Come on in.

I'm back, baby.

Whoa! No! No! No! No!

Another case closed, my dear Watson.

free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid!

and it's all thanks to Qbert. Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way, but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you. Yeah, well... whuh? I don't want to be an inventor. I want to be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science fiction cartoon writer.

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand.

or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no! You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong.

(MUFFLED YELLING) (ROOSTER CROWING)

Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys!

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great.

the Bender you know and worship could disappear forever. I'm willing to take that risk. Hey, pookums, contrary to what I was sayin' earlier, melding minds with you would be extremely bearable.

Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

But-But what about my hopes and my dreams and my wonderful inventions? In your entire life, your only half-decent invention was me, and I didn't turn out like you wanted either. You folks still doing all right? Oh, yes, Elzar.

Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother. My Manwich!

That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah! Oh!

Hi, I'm Andy Warhol, and you're some kind of marvelous lobster-man. Right on. Say, you got any real soup, or just this schlock? What a horrid bore.

Aah! This wangs chung. After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever. No heat. No power.

Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more.

Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish. I lance her every few months, but she always grows back. (WEEPING) It's hard enough being a Cyclops,

Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn,

(ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake! Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence! Well? Speak up. You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important.

Tell me about it. Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair.

Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish.

Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell. Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement.

I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

All right, all right!

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy.

Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about... (SNORING)

Never! A deal's a deal Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa! Leela has promised me her hand

You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time.

But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

I want my Earth shows! These local programs are completely unwatchable. Hey, Pops, want to play skull ball? I'm watching something here. (SIGHS)

I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks.

There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son. (SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone. Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

NARRATOR: Langdon Cobb, the most acclaimed actor of his generation.

Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws? To find out, we'd have to recreate the conditions before the big bang. It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money!

(SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth!

All dead! Who would have known playing God...

Would you censor the Venus de Venus...

- It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow! Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it. Quick, get in. It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint.

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

Yes... I'm the greatest... the greatest!

Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus!

Oh-oh, yeah. Hey, fellas I want you to meet my friends Bender, Fry, and Leela. You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them. Wow, I love you guys. Back in the 20th century I had all five of your albums. That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven. Cool. Can I borrow the new ones?

A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

I'm back, baby! Blaah! We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me? Oh, no! Go to commercial.

You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already! (WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out! They got away, Your Scaliness.

Pardon me. Did I overhear you say you used to live here? That's right. Did you know Andy Goldman? Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him! Get outta here! What's Andy up to these days? The short answer is, I'm teaching. He seemed nice. Sure, when he's sober.

That guy won't be going home to his kids. Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent.

Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform.

Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back!

I sure love Leela.

So I can kill my human brain cells. Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance.

Father, I have asked you to join me on the White House roof... so we could have a heart-to-heart talk.

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality.

(GULPING) (BURPING)

Uh-oh. What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred.

Actually, we only practice martial arts as a form of meditation. We are a strictly nonviolent sect. Oh. Then get in the laundry room, or I'll kick your butts! Oh, this is the worst crazy sect I've ever been in.

Death to all humans!

if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No!

Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours.

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie.

Hmm. Just don't drop me off on an asteroid like the last guy did.

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth? I see some movement up there.

(CHIMES TINKLE) Come in, come in. Close the door. You're letting the smut out. (DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item. A certain sensitive part of my anatomy. What, you mean your antenna? Shh! Watch your language. This ain't a church, lady. Except for tax purposes.

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

I like your dumpster. Thank you. The previous tenant was a very prominent raccoon.

The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused.

That's coming out of your pay. You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good high-quality oil. Then eat it. So, uh, what's this big score anyway?

I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry? Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that, I now know exactly how to end my comic book.

We made it! And some of the animals survived.

I like that there's no catch this time. But, wait. There's a catch. Crap!

But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP)

Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute.

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us!

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

Could you get the lights on your way out?

beyond the shame of defeat.

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops.

He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain. I'm worried about him. He didn't come back with the group. He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me. Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means.

They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow.

I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural.

Never. Behold! (COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it.

a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you.

Planet Express is on the move! For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me. It was a year of soaring profits...

Maybe we could escape by setting fire to the distillery... and blowing this whole place to rubble. Let's get a little kindling going. No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered. Oh, right. How selfish of me.

She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots. Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible!

Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance.

I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones.

No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you!

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late.

Wait a second. Here comes Leela! They have her totally outnumbered. I can't believe it. She's risking her life for me after the way I treated her?

I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it.

Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom!

I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off.

Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you? Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you.

Way up here's the money-counting room.

Wh-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag! Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex!

but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich!

I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys. That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever.

If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness.

Those aren't Blips! They're Cruds! They have the red on the left. Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH)

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you?

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is. Hooray! They're letting us out!

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why.

Smeesh, Professor. Don't have a shmaneurysm. Fry's your distant relative. Not distant enough. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm this monkey's nephew. (SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something? Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh.

Windmills do not work that way! Good night! Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already?

(BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't.

Damn good meat. Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old. We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no!

Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa!

Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read. What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh...

(GROANS) Leela? Hey. It's only 6:25. So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button.

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you.

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

Don't you go through with this. She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you! Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do?

Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love.

People, as you know, our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right.

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days. Uh, by the way, I broke your bed. You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening. But when they noticed that you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch. So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000?

(SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

News, everyone!

Uh, your present may need some assembly.

Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater?

or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do. We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald.

we can be an inspiration to other mutants. I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss. Hug. Handshake. I'll text you. (MUTANTS CHEERING) My fellow mutants, until recently, I dwelt on the surface,

There is no such thing as space aliens! Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us?

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) It's not Walking on Sunshine. It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown. What else is there?

My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened?

Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing.

And a flannel shirt.

Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me!

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot.

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point.

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments. We sometimes called it a jogging suit.

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball!

I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip.

That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender.

Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender.

Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating.

Professor? just a second. just a second. Pencils down, prune face. Oh, yes, here I am. Okay, now. Hello there. Now, we all know telescopes allow us to see distant objects but what if we want to smell distant objects?

What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend...

Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch.

Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too. But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realize I love Flexo!

Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too.

I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God.

And you got a cage for the lion. If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

Hi. I'm Bender. This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up.

By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped.

I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza. Okay, but I'm only doing this so people will take my head seriously as an actress.

Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees.

That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.

Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

Whew! That was close, eh, Fabricio? (GASPING) Fabricio!

Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv! You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed?

O, tears! O, lamentations!

And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years,

What proof is this-- some huge number? It's explosive. Maybe we could escape by setting fire to the distillery... and blowing this whole place to rubble. Let's get a little kindling going.

Is everything... Hey! Are we at the fair yet, Mommy? We're not at the anyplace! LEELA: And we're out of fuel!

He took a early retirement. Damn.

Oh, Adlai! Stop. What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.

Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island.

Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine!

All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

(ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING)

You should've checked the wording in the fine Print

Hooray! Hooray denied!

Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up? Well, now what are we going to do? Wait a second. Aren't you a member of the yacht club? By god, you're right.

No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories. But so help me, this year everyone will hate it as much as I do. Someday I want to marry a girl like her.

I suppose if I have an Achilles' heel, it's because I bought it at that same auction. Indeed so. Most indeededly. Careful with that, you fool! No! No! But possibly yes.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis? Francis, I have good news! It's time for your first delivery.

What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day. Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions.

(SCREAMING) (RINGING DOORBELL) I shall inform Mrs. Astor that the circus is in town. Your souffle, madam. I shall take it here, under my fork.

The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thoraxed... Don't be applying your Eurocentric standards of beauty to me, fool.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Oh, yeah. Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours. He's not very ugly.

I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers.

Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

(DEVICE POWERING UP) Good news. All these pine trees are fighting global warming by producing oxygen.

Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE)

Shut up, Zoidberg.

I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment. That's adorable. Ow!

Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think.

Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo?

and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man?

Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants! Hi.

The Iron Cook Neptunian has gone all out to please the judges. He's even garnished the salad with $100 bills. Let's see what they think.

Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH)

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter. You know each other? Guenter is my experiment. He was the top-secret contents of this stinking crate.

At least wait a few days before you decide to kill it. The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin. Please, just a few days. Well, it would give us a chance to get to know each other. The beast lives for now.

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line.

Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone?

My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher.

Whoa! Sir! But those are my arms! That's gropey and that's cheaty. Cheaty? (GUNS COCKING) Now, gentlemen, I'm sure we can... Well, then. I'll just collect my winnings and be on my...

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass. Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?!

Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses.

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives,

We know all your sins, Bender and for each one, we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen? Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke?

I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends.

(WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

And so I am proud to tear up his star and replace it with a second star for the fabulous Robert Wagner. (CROWD CHEERING) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is truly another honor.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day!

We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude.

I once slept with him. A few times. I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous.

(GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster! That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today.

Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa,

Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out.

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

Definitely probably not. Just sign this contract. Wow. And here we go! I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan. So, Leela, were you able to help the penguins? Well, sure. I mean, not really. I mean, nature will work itself out.

Exciting news, people! The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived.

I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast.

I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals. It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Don't worry. I have a plan.

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow!

Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox, and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING) Do you mind showing me how to open the cage? Now, listen here, the hunt is a hallowed tradition, and you Bambi-loving beatniks will never stop it.

Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid. Are you presenting one of those tacky honorary awards or just getting one? I'm a seat filler, joan's head. My only marketable skill is to occupy space.

I love these things!

Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS)

has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we?

MAN: Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama. Okay, crew. Xmas break is over. It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays?

One, two! one, two, three!

I suppose there could be a minute quantity of petroleum left, but it would be insanely deep within the Earth at pressures so dangerously high...

(CAR HORNS HONKING)

Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

MALE VOICE: Hold it, Calculon. As president of this network, I believe that's my decision. Thank you, Charles, that will be all. Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it.

Sally, that's wonderful. You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air? How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero.

It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M.

Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it.

For the first time, we're about to observe the fundamental structure of the universe. (EXCLAIMS) Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul.

All right. Low and away. Uuh! Ooh! Ouch! Okay, try it again. But this time, keep your eye off the ball. You mean, keep your eye on the ball. Hey, lady, which one of us is in the Hall of Fame?

Damn. Still only a hundred dollars. A penny saved is a penny earned. Also, could you get some athlete's foot cream for my face? He's right. I've got to start investing wisely. Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry.

Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police.

But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain.

I'll have a thorax and some feelers. You want some salad with that? Yuck! Mom, Dad, you remember Kif. This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha! Now, now, this won't do.

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some. Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. - However, I will watch out of curiosity. - Quiet!

Moderately priced domestic non-vintage champagne! How did you know?

Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me!

Goodbye, friends.

Now I know how a Pez dispenser feels. You like that one, jack? All right. We're already one hour behind. Our first award tonight: best cinematography in a non-visible spectrum.

Anyhow, when a guy feels good about his sweetheart, he wants to prove it by giving her something really good. I'm still listening, you big lug. Well, what I'm trying to say is, in all the world, I couldn't find a diamond good enough for you,

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising.

Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

It sure was nice of your nephew to invite us to his cloning lab here in the Repeating Forest. Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh?

I should warn you. It's a little under-furnished. I'm thinking of having a window installed. I think the view's perfect already. Oh, that's the corniest thing I've ever heard. Let me show you the bedroom. Wait. In a minute. A holophonor?

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar.

Quick, run out the back! I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter?

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36.

Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there.

Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me in my final moments and die at my side? And you die first? (GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES) I get it. You freed me. You lousy son of a...

We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch.

No, I'm not. I am an even bigger liar than you. My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision. Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault. Oy. All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before I die.

Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers.

Ah... I can barely move. It's perfect!

according to your wildly inappropriate hunk-of-the-month calendar. Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. (BURPING NOISE)

All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police...

No. No? No! No!

Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday.

Let's get back home. Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before.

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot. From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the... (BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

(SURPRISED CRY) Are you going to turn me in for concealing evidence?

Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty."

Exactly. I thought you snuck off to take a dump. A man can sneak off to do two things. Oh, Fry. In exactly 10 seconds, the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger.

We're doomed. Doomed!

so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him. Neat. So, where we going? Pandora. That dangerous 3D planet? Can't we just send our avatars? No, it's cheaper just to have you die.

Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote.

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

More wine! Distinguished members of the academy I present to you the reverse scuba suit. Observe. Fetch.

Damn! I've devised a way to save you and stop global warming at the same time.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my!

Whoo-hoo! Whoopee!

Will the referee bring out the ceremonial cruse of petroleum oil?

Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence.

Is this really happening or just being staged It can't be real Not if Leela is engaged That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print

"Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so. Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it. But this is one of those rare problems with no magic solution.

Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed.

(GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING)

Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here. Ah, very nice.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

Senator Travers? That's no way to win an election. (SIGHS) I give up. No one cares about my message. I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog. People will wait for something good. No, don't quit. You have great ideas.

If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks. Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right?

(GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me?

Sock it to him!

At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray! And don't eat it. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute!

Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity.

And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested. As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch.

I can't believe it. My mind is boggling.

They smell like burning rhesus monkey.

(SHRIEKS) I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad.

Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is--

That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office. Let's try him out. Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box?

Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew. This is awesome. Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love? If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes.

I hope you're proud of yourself. All right. Show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out.

It's my dad. Quick, hide! (GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing.

He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident.

(HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week.

Item one... Duck! (YELLS) Cubert, you crapscallion! Why aren't you in school? I couldn't get past the protestors. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers. (GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile!

Mmm! Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks.

He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

(GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

A woman? I'm scared.

Got it. Peace with honor. Well, I resign again. Come, Nixon.

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

Thanks to that DNA sample you generously donated while locked in my tower, my beanstalks now have suction cups to keep them from collapsing. That's horrible! Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition. But not too cheap.

Uh, your present may need some assembly.

That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years. If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it. There's no one to carry on after I'm gone,

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.

This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela. Welcome to Cavern on the Green.

Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth.

because you can't possibly do a scene like this. That was the meanest thing I ever saw. Good. Maybe it'll work. Oh!

It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela. Dude, over here. It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet. Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings.

They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

but I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people... who just wanna kill for fun. Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there. On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us!

I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey! The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING)

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes! You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want.

Brace yourselves, everyone. We're entering the interior of Fry's nose. We're at finger alert five. Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell.

- Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun,

These people really know how to die. Are you crazy?

Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly. The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why.

I described it to them on the phone using a series of artful euphemisms. Don't worry. The fat pig will do fine, thanks to this flabbo-dynamic spandex bodysuit I've designed. It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees.

You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes.

Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder.

Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

I unsubscribed yesterday. I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want. Like this video of you doing karate in your underpants. (EXCLAIMING) (GROANS) Help! Police! Send. That is low, Bender, even by your standards.

Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil.

This here the buffet. Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp!

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think!

Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong. I'm so glad we could admit Amy in exchange for your generous contribution. How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got?

You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide. I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

between the already ill defined robot sexes. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson... about changing your sex to win five gold medals. It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow,

Professor, you'll offer Guenter the hat, and Fry you'll offer him the banana. We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal. Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana.

A man writing an opera about a woman? Oh, sirrah. How deliciously absurd. I shall see you at the premiere.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy. (BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt.

And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this!

I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool... Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this!

Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors.

ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer.

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes. Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen.

(COUGHING) Did you delete it? Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend. Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING)

Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow!

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!"

Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line. Ready? (ENGINES REVVING) Leela, Professor, don't do this! It's too exciting! Mark, set, go, yo!

Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans.

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?

Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me! I think it's moving. Hmm. Perhaps the computer can calculate its trajectory. My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us with enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater!

We'll bill you for the couch. Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating.

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so. What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes.

in our escapades. Aye!

(HARPOON LOADING)

Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters.

You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six.

You make a persuasive argument, Fry. Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes!

you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg. Eee! Money doesn't make good people. No, sirree.

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

But the judge already sentenced us at the trial. Silence. That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet. Hand-carved from meteorites by the robot founders over four centuries ago. Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners.

(CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING)

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

But don't worry - be - happy

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science.

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump.

Poor Tex. He was quite a shark. Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win. Oop, sorry. Bender, how did you get in here? As your agent, I have access to you at all times.

Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday.

We got to see craters and rocks and that one incredible rock that looked like a crater and... and... these fellas.

There's also a lot of drugs in there. So, you're a robot? (SIGHS)

I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic.

What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms. What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them. Well, which of you wrote me that sonnet? I did! I think. It was probably about 50-50. But that's how I really felt about you, I swear. I don't know.

Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot? Attack Earth! Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it!

Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed!

You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this! As vice chairman of Planet Express, I'd like to say a few words. There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends,

That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

I know exactly where you left your ship. That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead. Oh, yeah.

What, you didn't read the pamphlet? Ultimate robot fighting's a scam, kid. It's rigged. It's a secret, so keep it under your head... but the most popular robot always wins. You mean I'm not a great fighter? I just won 'cause I'm popular? Bingo. Woo-hoo! I'm popular! In fact, you're more than popular.

I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering.

Whoa, whoa, girl. I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff. I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step. Fry, why must you analyze everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love.

Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do? Uh, I can't stand to see a robot cry. Let's watch TV. And so, ladies and gentlemen I'm throwing my head into the ring.

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny.

I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again. Go consummate yourself. Stop talking! You're getting cold! Please! I just paid off my car! No! I can't look.

(VEHICLES HONKING) Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses. Prepare to storm the surface for the Million Mutant March!

Nobody messes with my pants! Not even the Holy One, blessed be He. (FIRING)

None of your beeswax. I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child.

Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING)

And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

(WAILING) I have no free will! I am not the master of my own fate! (SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault.

just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here.

Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? Uh, maybe. So what? Well, I only brought it up 'cause Bender's wearing them. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh...

Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late.

The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done. Me... feel...

Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher! (ALL SCREAMING)

True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

So when you meet them, you'll want to be wearing these jerseys.

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious.

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.

All right, we don't have much time to collect these animals. The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago. Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

One, two! one, two, three!

That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard. Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow?

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry?

Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be, must be. Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby! Fry, it's been years since medical school so remind me: disemboweling in your species--

(FRY READING) (MIMICKING GUN FIRING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (LAUGHING) I am conquering Erth!

Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes. Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed. But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard!

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

(CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal?

Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady. Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know.

What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in!

Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it...

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

and... Look, Zoidberg I carry more eggs than any other female and I... owe it to our race to pick a mate who's stuffed with male jelly. Maybe a rock star. Or maybe a doctor. I'm sorry, Zoidberg you're just an inferior male specimen. Nice seeing you again.

Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention!

In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing this around here. It was brisk. I dressed in layers. That's my girl.

If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy. Leela, I've made up my mind. Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy. It may take a couple of hours, but... Fry, stop trying to do things for me. Whatever time we have left, just live it with me.

Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow!

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive!

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite.

(EVERYONE GASPS) What's happening? Did you kill it? The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy.

I think I'll steal that and do an experiment that's slightly less very stupid. But that's my idea. You are an evil, evil nerd. Gedgie out. We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING)

FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly.

(ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS)

And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl!

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender.

Ah. So the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action, grim though it be. I got a good feelin' about this. We must immediately and permanently... shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots!

Hit it, Bender! Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy

So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars, you all get to go to some camp? Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards. O great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn.

Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

call my name or walk on by

Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

(SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

Good-bye, Bender. Wait for us! Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me. Look!

(SOFTLY) Bam! (ALL GASP) To prevent the souffle from exploding, Bender will carry it. He's gyroscopically stable. (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

Sell 100 soylent beans! Buy 3,000 corn bellies! Two hundred cans Whoop-Ass! Three big bags of trash! Attention, please. The takeover of PlanEx Corp by Mom's Delivery Company... will take place in the business center in ten minutes.

Bender and his obnoxious ego.

Big and angry. Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one!

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

I'm telling you. There's something about Flexo I don't like. Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous.

Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun. Kif, you did it!

And we're on it now!

The pharaoh has spoken.

I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

You need some arm candy. It's the perfect accessory for out-of-shape middle-aged creeps like you. Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me?

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

Quick, into the ship's panic room! I didn't know we had a panic room. Me, neither. It really could have come in handy, like, 50 times. We'll be safe in here.

You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

BENDER: Look, off in the distance!

I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais

No, Bender, wait. We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool.

(CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

ANNOUNCER: Since factories can't manufacture enough robots to meet demand, robots can also reproduce by mating. Oh, now you tell me! ANNOUNCER: First, Gerald must find a female robot. The best he can do is Francine. (BUZZING) After beer and hot wings at a local gas station,

He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life? My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please? Well, if it's what you really want. It is. I know it is.

My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum. The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray is nothing more than a common teleporter ray. (SCOFFS) Worthless toy!

Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie...

Mmm! Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z.

Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain.

Yeah. Isn't that basically all jamaicans do?

Okay, kids. Let's play "find the shiny." (ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING)

Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING)

I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry.

It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years.

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke.

You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby!

What a nightmare! Mr. Fry, are those your underpants? Young man, I think it's time you learned a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs.

"May cause superpowers in humans." Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub into your skin? You'd think it would be something you have to freebase. Let's see. Which powers do we have? "Super strength"? Yep. Uh-huh.

She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

Whoo! Whoo! And now, the grand prize winner whose experiment will be launched into space... Look at that cocky smirk. My money's on Gedgie.

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle. The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor. I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father.

All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

(TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things! (GULPING)

We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap. I croaked. Now show me some love.

Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No. Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem. Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you?

(GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant.

It'll never be over, Wendy.

That's a popular name today. Little "e," big "B"?

Oh, that feels good. Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender.

Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes! You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Aw. I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it.

I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff.

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power?

I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain? Farewell, monobrains.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart. The Professor's in jail and now Leela's gone forever. Stay strong, Fry. You're the best friend I have left. And I barely even know you. Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron?

(GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity, the cold, lifeless touch of her tentacle on my body. She is one juicy calamari.

Please... Big z. Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection.

I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew.

A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher. It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles. That's funny. Careful, sir. Oh, yeah. You filthy hobos sure know how to live.

(SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical. Maybe we could plotz in that giant cockle. AMY: Shmeepers, it's the Land Titanic, the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed.

Never! A deal's a deal Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa!

Allow me to demonstrate. Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan. Submerge the prisoners!

jungles on earth?

My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave.

Now, what's going on there? History.

Peace out, y'all! Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning. Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself? But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.

but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender. How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it. Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark.

(EXCLAIMS) (GROANS) Nibbler! Scat! - (EXCLAIMS) - (MUSIC STOPS) Why is it so impossible for two people to be completely alone? FEMALE VOICE: Are you and another person finding it impossible to be completely alone? Now what?

so long as they only wear light, skimpy outfits.

You're looking less nuts, crabby. I'm feeling less nuts, thank you because tomorrow, I will be depositing my jelly in the cloacal vents of a female if you catch my drift. Who's the lucky lobsterina? I don't know yet but I shall attract one this afternoon with an erotic display.

Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

Good dog. That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter. Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story.

Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them.

Kiff, clear my schedule.

Hmm! I don't believe you.

and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"?

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice! This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins!

Ah! Here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck. (MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING)

Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello!

I'm still in mid-peril, you clods!

I can't. I'm stuck in the can.

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already?

I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated. And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp.

Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency.

It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again.

And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss? Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that?

I'm as sad as an upside-down smile. You mean a frown? We didn't have a word for it, until now.

Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming.

Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist. This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too.

But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

"Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet. Good morning!

I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West.

Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead. My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal. Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now.

Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment.

"If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

That's not even close to what I had in mind.

No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Chocolate, Mac, men. The end. Well, I've got nothing to do for the next eight million years. Therefore, I will administer a series of tests to determine the superior gender. Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive.

I made this bracelet so that in some small way, we'll always be with you. Even when it doesn't seem like it. During your entire life, for example. You won't pass for human, cutie.

Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you.

Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Oh, no, you probably don't!

May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass.

I found a missing link. It seems to be half man, half toucan. Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup. And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action. So, you grow hemp. Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things.

What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals.

Well, you did manage to get a tremendous urine sample. Let's not talk about that. (METAL CLANKS) Is that you, Big Throat? In the flesh. (GIGGLES) Listen, I need some dirt on Senator Chris Travers.

Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree. Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent?

Let's refract this sucker. (SCREAMING) (SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING)

All right, we don't have much time to collect these animals. The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago.

You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time. See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer.

(TIRES SCREECHING) Aw! Nibbler made a bobo for Mama. I'll pick it up with my supey-dupey poopy scoopy. (GRUMBLING) (BEEPING)

We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh...

Wait. What about the girlie calendar? Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested.

I said the greatest actor, Langdon Cobb. Let's rewind, shall we? NARRATOR: Langdon Cobb, the most acclaimed actor of his generation.

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry.

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation. It's pizza time! Pineapple?

An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Geez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with. (BELL DINGING) Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice. (GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS)

by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff.

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah...

Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come? Yeah, okay. What's the weather like? The usual. Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is, Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight? Well, 'tis the season.

Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.

Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here.

Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know! These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly.

But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me.

As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew.

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

the Goophy Gopher Revue. Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel?

Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better.

We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir. Very well. You will provide us with 198 billion humans and, uh, small fries. Lurr! Oh, all right, cottage cheese.

Exactly! She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job! This must be settled.

Keep them and let us go? No!

It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours! That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore!

From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy, but this is the dangest wang I ever doodled. Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING)

As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor. It's someone in whom I have great faith even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing. My closest living relative...

Incoming yucky.

Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Come to paparazzo. (GASPS) Gotcha! No! Please, sir, I implore you, destroy that photo of me.

Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you.

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon!

That's Lrrr! Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy.

We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board...

I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler. - Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry!

You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh!

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'.

The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

My Speedos! Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred...

Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did.

Oh, you're no fun.

The short answer is, I'm teaching. He seemed nice. Sure, when he's sober. Holy camoly! The house I grew up in! It's still there! Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place.

I can't stand it! Okay. You can have my hand. Wonderful! just sign here. Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears.

I'm ready for my test now, boys.

You undersold it, Professor!

I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again.

(ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science!

You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

But they do have these things called antique rugs that are great for peeing on. (RUMBLING) (GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING) KATZ: Good show.

Made a cool hundred mil. Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style.

shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots! No!

(GRUMBLING) Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there. Ahh!

It's a relief to meet you, Amy. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future. I'm from Mars. I feel so out of place here. I don't understand why Fry fits in so well. Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well.

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge, it's time I cut you in on the secret to success. - Any guesses? - Uh, work really, really hard? - No. - Oh, thank God! It's all about appearances. That's why it's time to update our company's stodgy image... and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer...

Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle!

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog!

Fry! Oh, I just knew you were still alive! I owe you ten bucks, Hermes. Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees.

Chapter Two. The heat thickens. (MOANING) Leela, wake up. I can't face this mysterious planet alone without you or someone like you. (BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up. Leela, where are we? We crashed on an uncharted planet.

This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke.

Shows what you know. Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky. (EXCLAIMS) Help, I'm drowning! Don't worry, son, you'll freeze before you drown.

As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim.

There, little friend. Good as new. What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops.

I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me! (SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING)

Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

(WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

Manufacturing specs from each parent are then merged by a randomized algorithm, and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural. Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

I never thought I'd live to see this tree again. Thank you for staying with me, Fry.

Who ordered all these old-timey cars? The inhabitants of Simian 7, the Planet of the Apes, and monkeys and tarsiers and several lemurs. All primates, really. Hey, guys.

So are carrots, but you don't see me injecting them between my toes.

are registered trademarks of MomCorp. Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned.

that collided with God! That seems probable.

Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying...

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

(GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker. The rest of you might as well give up now, 'cause I'm gonna take home the... Hey, what's my grand prize gonna be? Oh, there is no prize, Dorothy, unless you count the satisfaction of winning.

That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you? Ah, the famed Apollo Theater.

Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us!

Number one point zero. Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point... Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in.

Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor?

You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual. Wrong again. You were right. Leela? Leela-Leela? Leela-Leela. I've been thinking, Fry. If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either.

Have you got an extra "goto 10" line?

Thathu! Ni! One!

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor.

(ALARM BLARING) What do we do? Who do we blame? We don't blame anyone. We make peace. One word can end this. Then say it. No, you say it. (CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday. Then we choose the cuddly-uddliest ones... and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff.

Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind. Well, anyway, just remember that people care about you. I know. Sometimes, when I'm lonely,

I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh! Ouch!

Please, gentlemen we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks.

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather?

I guess it's just us for all eternity. Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth.

Oh, now I see. Now I get it.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying.

Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand.

Those injustices don't even exist. Then let's find some that do. Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was.

Freeze, bagwad.

Mmm. The ingredients are cooked, and they've picked up some of your natural robot flavorings. Time to add the yeast. Yeast? You mean, I'll have a life-form growing inside me? It's so beautiful.

Can you make change for a Nobel Prize? Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

Fry, are you all right?

Whoa-ho. No, no. No applause. Every time you clap your hands, you kill thousands of spores... that'll someday form a nutritious fungus. just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up. Please hold your thumbs until the end.

Ye gods, Bubblegum! We failed.

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems...

She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she?

And now this. Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good.

MRS. ASTOR: Mayor, this sewer debacle has gone on long enough. As your largest campaign contributor, I demand action! Very well. $80 worth of action it is. Voila. We simply pump the fruits of our excretion into Madison Cube Garden.

ROBOTS CHANTING: One, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, one, zero, one, zero, zero, zero...

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever.

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time.

That device was a gift from my ancestors. Go on. It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing. Of course! Having no mouths or ears, they could only communicate through motions. Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance.

We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party. I'm sorry, sir. This is a private-- Oh, pardon me. I see you're with Mr. Stallone.

I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow!

Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh!

Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you.

Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on!

Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant!

And against a team of clones, no less. (DOOR SLIDES SHUT) Well, gang, it looks like we've got more of the same mystery on our hands.

Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job.

Hoverfish, bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez. (SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence.

It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied. Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender! This society is a bunch of idiots.

Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand. That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love." Wow. This is all so confusing.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

Well, life goes on... except for you.

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit!

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING)

Uh, oh. I'm so into you. Oh, my! Hey, Bender!

and having sex there. You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

(ALL EXCLAIMING) But how exactly is this Happy Meal toy going to destroy a giant death sphere? From within.

Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

They found out I work with humans, and--

Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening? (WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale. (WHALE SINGING)

Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me. This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the--

You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot! In answer to your question, Hermes. Yes, your friend is cured.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt!

It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh. How could you do this, Fry? (STAMMERS) Coma... Sad... I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

Waaah! What the-- A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh.

(ROBOT DEVIL LAUGHING EVILLY) Run for your life, Fry! Move your ham flaps! He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet.

Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral.

Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter. "I beg of you, Mr. Funny Uncle. Teach me the comedy business. Sincerely, Zoidberg." Oh, isn't that nice he took the time?

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected.

I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets.

It would've been nice if you'd told me you were going out with Amy. I'm not going out with Amy. It's just to fool her parents. Hey, you're not jealous, are you? What? No, no, of course not. Good. 'Cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful.

Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

I request a satanic funeral.

(KIF GROANS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time. No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Hey, look. It's our old group picture. I don't see you anywhere. That's me, over in "Cootie-town." Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him.

(ENGINE STARTING) Fry, you have once more done my people a great service. On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you. Thanks. But no one can give me what I really want.

(ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne.

You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello!

can only be called a mystery. Let's split up. Eight of us will stay here with this dragon-trap the professor built. HERMES: Meanwhile, Fry, Bendee, you go look for the dragon. Like, you guys are terrible friends for always sending us to our deaths. I'm not going. Re reither! Would you do it for a Bendee Brew?

(NEIGHING) Announcing Lord Loquat. I wonder what shade of purple he'll be. (ALL GASP) Greetings, Princess Purpleberry. I am Lord Loquat, your new neighbor. You're coming to live here?

The royal bottle is empty! You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me.

Wha-- You heard me! In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil.

Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you!

I don't get it, Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great. You had just dumped me and were well on your way to getting your life back on track. Why'd you freeze yourself? Oh, Fry, after you left things took a turn for the worse. I got married. I'm sorry. His name was Charles.

Stay off my turf!

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer,

Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid!

Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out.

Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif. Oh, what a foolish squid I've been.

You went all the way to Holland already?

Then lock up when you're done. just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am.

Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion. Well, good night. HERMES: Everyone got along so well today.

That's adorable. Ow!

Oh! What happened to the buggalo? They been rustled under cover of storm. We ruined! NO-O-o! Don't worry, Daddy. It'll be okay. Oh, really? Who gonna save us?

Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do. Yeah. Last time you went to the suicide booth, you ended up dating it for six months. How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers!

Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please.

'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'" The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.!

- But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

Who you gonna call?

(BENDER GASPS) He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point. What we need is an old-fashioned pine tree.

And now, back to our show. Healthy, healthy, healthy Healthy purpleberries are Eat purpleberries and you'll be a star Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond.

Oh, you look so thin.

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising. Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you!

But then we get trapped by encroaching ice age. Now we sealed in under sky of ice. So my sadness makes perfect sense. And I do have vague memories of people refusing to breed with me!

He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry! Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying? All right!

Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch.

The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash?

(BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant, humungous acne cream, aww,

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur!

Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun.

Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. Now...

Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

Leela-Leela. I've been thinking, Fry. If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either. I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine!

(BELL CLANGS) (YELLING) (SIGHS) (SCREAMS) (BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING)

Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored! Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking!

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups. (BEEPS)

What are these things? Get away!

I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste.

- But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One!

Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs.

I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan? Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

If it's money you're after, I'll pay whatever you ask. Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone. I swear on my honor as a paparazzo. Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure.

Hmm. I better check the fluid levels. We're okay on Coke syrup. Oh, man. Come on!

It's Benderin' time. Take this...

What? I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer?

I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk. Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes.

Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here. Ah, very nice. Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb...

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry.

Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here.

That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific. Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works! Leave me alone!

600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds?

Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal...

Hey, according to the Scab Handbook, that's extremely inappropriate banter. And that's just the way I like it.

Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie.

Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him.

There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me?

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Brace yourselves, everyone. One hundred kilometers. Two hundred. I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich!

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about?

Well, here we are, alone and naked.

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball!

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on.

I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Keep going. We're right behind you. Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny. The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he?

(SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide.

(GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines. You leave kitty cat alone! ALL: (EXCLAIMING) Kitty cat. People, please, I'm trying to run a business, so I get to hold kitty. Here, puss, puss... No, me. Over here. I wanna hold him.

Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone.

Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore for me... to clean out my wrinkles each day.

Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not. Go ahead. I won't stop you. Threaten all you-- Wait. What? We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in.

This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit.

Land, schmand. We don't want to live on this planet. It's a dump. We'll buy new planet and act like it's sacred. With cash like this, who's going to argue? Nobody, that's who.

We crashed on an uncharted planet. When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me? If anyone can move it, I can. (GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow.

the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

Hey, wait a second! I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things.

I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

but I think we should just be friends. No! So, we're cool?

Good news, everyone. You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium... has named Leela "Orphan of the Year." Your parents must be so proud.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out.

Daddy Bender? Son? Daddy's tryin' to score with a cheap floozy right now. So he needs you to cram a Tinkertoy in it. I love you, Daddy Bender. Hey! What the hell are you doin'? Quit huggin' me. I guess you're busy. I'll catch you later.

'Kay! We're going to try you out with a little delivery job. It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run. Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly. just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops.

But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think.

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask.

You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What? All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard.

If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box. Hello, I'm Leela captain of the Planet Express delivery ship. We've come aboard to plead for your assistance. Well, if there's anything-- I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan.

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you.

And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model. As unclean as it makes me feel, I agree with Bender. Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV.

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons.

Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth. Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon? Huh, wha?

Name? Cosmic F. Style? Outer space. Special moves? The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G." Name? Cosmic Y. Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space?

Might I have a sip of booze? I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again. Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive. May yet? Really?

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

Listen up, bees. It's Kwanzaa, a time of Umoja. It means "unity". You have to learn to work together again. The crazy tablecloth man is right. It's time to set aside our differences. Black stripe, yellow stripe.

If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you.

I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet.

Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist. Three, two, one.

Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back!

No damage? What about my feelings? Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned,

Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground.

FRY: Launch all missiles!

(CHOKING) Gotcha. This situation deteriorated fast. (HUMMING) Whoo-hoo! We've been weed-whacked! Whoa, check out that giant... (SCREAMS)

The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings!

Happy New Year!

(BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord.

Next up, in what is generously called "the talent competition"

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes.

Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy.

Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

- Talk to me. - This is Professor Farnsworth. I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk.

Good night, sweet prince. Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

I'm not giving up yet. I am. I already did. You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

All right, let's just rescue them and get out of here. Hooray, they're saved!

Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer?

You see, I'm his butler. Oh! My uncle Fry and his mystery-solving friends. Perhaps you can make sense of the... What is it that's been haunting us, Zoidberg? Ghost. (SCREAMS) Now then, let me show you my lab. This is my cloning machine.

Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah!

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps!

Screw that! I'm getting out of here. (SCATTING)

This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off?

And she doesn't even want to cuddle anymore. She just wants to hit me with various chairs.

Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization.

Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ? Here you are in the year 3000 or so, yet you just sit around like it's the boring time I came from. "Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome... and boy bands roamed the earth?

Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs! Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything.

Uh-oh. Cobb's doing a scene from Beantown Buddies. The audience is eating it up. Professor, what's your status? Not good. The attention Cobb's receiving is inflating his ego. It's going totally Kanye. Wow! There's a humungous fungus among us.

Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday! That is what you said when you found those Boy Scouts! Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter!

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny.

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top.

Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest. Cut!

In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters... directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds.

You guys eat rocks, right? No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud?

It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone. You're the finest crew I've had the honor to work with. Oh, my. We're being foreclosed upon. You're all terrible and incompetent. I resent that.

But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment!

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem. We'll each have to search a universe.

we'll have to try our strongest treatment-- a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh!

Just as I feared. Attack-type J. No! No! Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew!

Whew! Whew! Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life.

And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that--

(NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body. Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses!

you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Bender, is that thou? I love you.

DNA and career chip, please.

(ALL WHIMPERING)

Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips. All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex...

Can't we resolve our differences some other way? Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child.

jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork.

Professor? He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him.

Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death, the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers... and never allowed to return. Oh, cruel fate! Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage?

No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird. Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope. There, now, for the first time, we may be able to see the infinitesimal fabric of matter itself, laying bare the most fundamental laws of the universe.

Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something?

scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow. This is my home.

Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard... Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss. Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my fund and kicks-in' my back. I'm greasin' up my whoozits. Whoa, whoa, Clamps. Not yet.

I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan.

It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha! Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron!

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up! Hey, chumps and chumpettes.

Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs.

Caught you! I saw you looking at the atom. So? I look at lots of atoms. Shouldn't you be resting up for your shift? Oh, you'd like it if I went to sleep, wouldn't you? Whatever it takes to shut your yapper.

Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper.

I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my. In a stunning turnabout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal.

It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS) Hey, Professor, couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge. There, it's recharged.

Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

Good night, sweet prince.

What have I done?

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning. (BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia.

Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah!

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Man, this costume is so damn heavy. Hey, Captain Yesterday! Can I, like, wail on you... with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt. Hi, superheroes. Everything okay? Big "O," little "K," my friend. just checkin' if everything's all right.

I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor. Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws.

Pfft. Pathetic.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh!

Interesting. It's as if we all behave normally during the time skips, but then we have no memory of it. - You mean we just-- - My, yes! Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum? Not yet. Listen. Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work.

(PANTING) Quick, take my hand.

Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez!

Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life. You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift-- Mine!

All right, all right. What do we do when we break somebody's window? Pay for it? Oh, heaven's no! We apologize with nice cheap words.

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again.

Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans.

Now I'm all you got!

What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know.

Fire! What the-- We missed!

Neat! I don't need to tell you that occupation forces are expensive. But with the Mobile Oppression Palace, a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day! Warships dismissed!

Oops! Out of film. Hang on. (ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film?

Come on, girdle. Hold.

Leela, please forgive us.

Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge.

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God!

A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

How dare you murmur about Bender like that! He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills. Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero.

Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes.

Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old. We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no! Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH) Yo, what you doing on our turf? Chill, dawg. Ain't no thang. We Cruds. Well, we Blips and we over here.

Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck

And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive... for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end! I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet?

the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow!

(WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid, too? (WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful.

(PIANO PLAYING) One sarsapar-oil-la, Sheriff. I'm thirsty. Make it two. I'm greedy. You got the rest fooled, but not me.

Which gang's red, and which gang's blue? Both! The delivery is going to the Blips. So when you meet them, you'll want to be wearing these jerseys. Not these jerseys. 'Cause if you're wearing these, you'll be killed on the spot. Okay, here are your jerseys. No, wait. Here.

I suppose you're here to tell me to pack it in? Only if you buy me dinner first. (LAUGHING) I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that. You're right, Hermes. Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you.

Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed. What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship.

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss?

Oh, I don't know. Possible, feasible. Maybe. Yeah, probably. How dare you murmur about Bender like that! He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills.

Can't I just beat up the kid?

The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you.

Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use.

get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up.

Hey, how come when I want to do fun stuff that will kill me, you're against it? This is more important than that marble-eating contest, Fry. It's about pride. Let me tell you a story from my childhood. Ah, again with the orphanarium. When I was growing up at the orphanarium, I got picked on a lot. My only outlet was Octouran kung fu.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow!

For God sakes, Fry!

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping.

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger!

(SCREAMS) (THUD) (PANTING) Are you okay? I... Ow! My leg, it's broken.

Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story. Now, what seems to be the trouble? My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great.

We're ready for the first audition! Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

That's so beautiful! Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

Holy moly! Lady, you don't know me, but my name is Abner Doubledeal. Wait, I know you. You're Abner Doubledeal. I brain-scanned those little nose-pickers during your story, and, sister, their enjoyment glands were squirting like Broadway road kill! Aw! They were? Say, you seem like a smart mark.

Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed. (SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant. So what's with all the screaming?

Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up. Not this time. No matter what happens, I swear I'll be there. Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down, and marry a nice house in the suburbs! But tonight, he's having the girls-gone-wildest bachelor party of all time!

If you liked the meal just wait till you try these after-dinner mints.

We're in here too. Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

(CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you.

(ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

Keep your wits about you.

Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress. The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant, evil brain... with a gooey center of pure hate. Only Fry, with his superior yet inferior mind, can approach it. You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me.

Farewell. Noooo!

I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith! Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo! - Mr. Bender? - Dah! Ohhh! Have you ever been on TV before? Once, when I took those hostages.

One... See you in a thousand years. You owe me one.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Ah. You said you wanted me to kill you. Is this one of those "no means yes" deals? Yes and no. I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony.

Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie.

Nah, don't ruin it. I'm loving the hypocrisy. It's like catching an evangelist in a whorehouse. That was the best Christmas ever.

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet.

We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer--

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

The Cavern on the Green. I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank.

Who put this in here? No!

Your Highness, a package came for you. Hey, thanks. Wow, this got here just in time.

I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

Hello, Miss Turanga. Your call to St. Louis has gone through. Well, let's at least throw this TV out. The batteries in the remote are getting low. No! Put that back and turn it on! I was just trying to help.

You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

Haven't they suffered enough?

- Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy?

but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch?

just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out?

Who put this in here? No! Are you people satisfied?

What about Zapp Brannigan? Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last. Drop that space gun or I'll shoot, like so. (GROANS) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, Zapp, tie me back up and ravish me.

And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew. But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that.

I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Fry's not here. Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor. Fry went to the party? LINDA: We interrupt Hypnotoad On Ice to bring you breaking coverage of the disaster at Hedonismbot's bachelor party.

At least I still have my self-respect.

So? What do you think of my comic? Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema. If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril. I mean, the delivery guy has, like, 30 superpowers. Well, that's because he was bitten by a radioactive superman!

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can! As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying.

And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender. The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites.

Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch.

Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

Unit 47! My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate,

Does anyone else find this delivery suspicious? Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care. Well, I'm smart and I care too much. I want to know what's in that crate.

Onto the Internet you go. Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack! Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Huh? What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No.

It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's. Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny.

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa! Get away! Come on. I just got all the gum off of there.

See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll... We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did.

Good news, everyone! Our safe new ship has arrived,

Curious. You are a diarchic society? Um. Maybe. Whatever we are, I'm the leader of it.

just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations.

In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning.

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits. I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey.

Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin.

Mars is being blasted out of its orbit. Fry, you noble idiot. (SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic.

(SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault. Why do you care so much, Bender? I mean, for all we know, humans don't even have free will. Yeah, whatever. Professor, you're my only hope. If you love me even a little, build me some kind of free will unit. A robot free will unit? Impossible!

Good news, multiplayers. After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not. (FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet. Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender?

Dude, my hands are huge.

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits. Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains.

Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

It was you men who drove this company into the ground. Remember Fry's idea to offer free delivery? It got us a lot of customers. We're a delivery company! If you want to save this company, you should listen to a woman's idea for once. Okay. What do you got?

Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest! But who has the beer now?

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

I've got mail. Ooh! It's a party apparently. Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals. It all goes down this Saturday...

Wow. Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it!

And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know! These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly.

Whoo! That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this. Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo.

Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

Help. Police. Neat.

Congratulations on your big bust. You, too. Keep it up, and you boys might just make detective. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one.

Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector. Some do. It all makes sense.

Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending. Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

That's the secret ingredient of Slurm? That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo! Whoa!

Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING)

They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say? I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper.

Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry. You should feel proud, no matter what your dad said to you.

My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet.

KATZ: And Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell. MALE VOICE: The cow says... (MOOING) He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since. I am the esteemed Professor Morris Katz, and you are wasting my time. Proceed.

Let me introduce you to yourself. Do you mind if your servants walk? Not at all.

then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die, I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true?

Yup. (SOFT SNARLING) (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do! What is your purpose here? Huh?

Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun.

but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

Save him! Save my son, oh, Metal Lord! This looks like a job for God. What the-- Malachi, what manner of deal is this, with the chanting?

I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

What? I could've fixed it that easily? You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button.

(FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping!

Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard.

and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam!

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to!

It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

(CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon.

That was a disgusting story.

Double time, soldier.

So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium? Oh, livin' in a box, fightin' the shakes. You? Sellin' kidneys, teeth. Whatever falls out of me.

ALL BENDERS: Screw that!

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy.

Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9-- A world where humans are killed on sight.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved. BOTH: Phew!

Where's Leela? Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it!

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry.

(PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING) Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise.

I never knew my father. (SQUEAKS) It's not important. What is important is that we get you to Bending State-Santa Cruz in time for registration. Then we'd better hurry. Registration ends in one hour. To the ship! It's too foggy.

This time, it's business. (MARITIME FOLK MUSIC) (ACCORDION PLAYING)

That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez. (ALL BOOING) Why are they booing me, Silicon?

Women only room!

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business.

On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home.

"each 10 cubits high and one wing measured five cubits, "And the other wing measured five cubits from the tip..." (GASPS)

You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death.

Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say--

Nothing is impossible. I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load. Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it.

Yo, Amy, check it out.

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen. I don't even breathe... oxygen.

Yes, it's been lovely. Hang on a second. (THUDDING) NARRATOR: The Galapagos tortoise lays a clutch of between six and 15 eggs. What do you want? I'm 150 years old.

Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh!

No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you.

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last?

What's this under the chocolates? Yeah, you take care of that whenever you want. Hey! What? A bill? You're charging us after you blinded me? Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity. $1,200? Holy zombie jesus!

Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys. Yo, hombre, you think you're cool enough to sit way in back with us college toughs?

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas.

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking.

Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun. Your old friend Leela is back with a brand new story. Hi. It's great to be back. I think you'll enjoy this one.

Seems like old times, huh, Bender? You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing! So am I, buddy, so am I.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No!

My hands. My horrible human hands!

Leela, you're alive. Is that how you and your friends are dressing now? Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest. At first I was consumed by a dark obsession to kill the whale.

this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

I wouldn't want to follow that guy.

Look out! Look out!

Nice job, Bender. You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night? Uh, I'd rather plan some felonies. Oh. Then we should meet at our Mafia crime headquarters.

And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender.

Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground...

Yea, Fry! I watch TV with that guy.

You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

(WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me.

Hooray! I graduated!

Times two, carry the one. Oh, you sad, worthless human. Ohh!

I've been shrinking and feeling colder. So now I need twice as many sweaters, in a smaller size. First, I scan the old sweater. Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did,

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon!

Let me tell you a story from my childhood. Ah, again with the orphanarium. When I was growing up at the orphanarium, I got picked on a lot.

Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it. Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom.

Citizens, never fear Crazy do-good freaks are here Until they run out of steam

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX! (CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly?

Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down.

by destroying the universe. Now it's personal. Your mission is to infiltrate the Info-Sphere...

(RUMBLING) (GROANING)

Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense. Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial? In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up!

Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man!

Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock? I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up!

For you see, it is mating season. Whatever you do, you must not disturb the aggressive male. He can be identified by his orange coloration and enormous butterjunk. What's he gonna do, migrate at us? (LAUGHING) Silence! I can't be specific about the danger,

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn.

Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? Well, I'd say we all learned a valuable lesson about TV there. What was it? That we should all take TV a little less seriously.

I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package! The Nimbus! We're saved!

Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold. Hey, sailing unit. Stop tempting me!

Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby! Look, I just have a common cold!

A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel...

Sportsbot? That's pretty much it.

Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Ah, let's face it.

I love it out here, Amy. I feel so manly. I have a blister. I-i spit. A-And of course, I tell no one my feelings.

Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet.

(BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere. My Tanqueraydar is going crazy. (BEEPING GETTING FASTER) Ha, ha. Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant.

There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the mind switcher. Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys. But why would you want your mind in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys?

Wait, wait, perhaps discerning customers like yourselves would be interested in an item from our discount rack. Quality is the most important thing. How much is it? 90% off. An unpleasant fellow ordered them last year but never paid. Most unpleasant, that one. That sounds like something Year-Ago Professor would do.

If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus.

Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale.

Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry! That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry!

It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump?

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep,

Now, that's more like it. Always leave them wanting more. That's the secret. Ah! So, what do you say, RD? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show? Oh, God! Haven't they suffered enough?

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu,

He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's happened!

She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew.

There must be people somewhere.

$10,000 tuition? I can't afford that! Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this. Like how, having my antenna removed?

I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

I can't bring myself to describe it. Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really.

It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked!

Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter!

Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.

Stop hoggin' the clover! Oww! All right, team. let's go find that clover.

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

(GROANS) Mom, I hate to break it to you, but Zapp's a jerk. The truth is, I once slept with him. A few times. I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition.

Let's go. If I say one more thing, I might say it with my evening boot. Well! Rarely have I never!

(GROANING) (SCREAMING)

It's... It's something about the color. (SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo. Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic?

The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way.

KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball.

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them.

Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING) Neat.

Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth.

We can't shoot penguins! Isn't there some way to keep them from breeding? Cold showers don't work on Antarctic creatures. Surely you agree that a quick semi-painless death... is a damn sight better than weeks of starvation. Well, I suppose, but I mean,

I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

It's hard, you know?

Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps.

Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make. At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray! And don't eat it.

as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress. The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant, evil brain...

Mr. Fry, Mama tells us you're quite the oddity. A bachelor at your age. You think I'm an oddity? Wait till you see-- Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain! I say! Most ungentleman-like!

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses. Only the Sunday Edition can do's that. Goodness. There must be 50 papers in that bundle. That's a big number-- 50. Yeah, if you're an idiot.

So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut!

You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to. We'd be shredded across the time-space continuum like human coleslaw.

"Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy.

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh! Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey? Well, as you can see,

You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips.

(CAT MEOWING) Oh, honey, I'm home! (DOOR OPENING) Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic. MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy

Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch. Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do. I defy you not to watch.

Look at my butt! Whooooo!

It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready.

Uh-huh. May I come in? Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it.

Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

(PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal! It's gonna kill us all.

just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?

Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything. Quit standing up for yourself, Fry. When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship.

as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me?

You're dead meat! What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

My God! The senile old man is right!

I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry. Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now. Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork?

Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?

And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy.

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

Oh, Hermes. Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule

And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome.

Bender, I'd like you to meet our director, whose name I never learned. Yo. I read the script... and I think it would help my character's motivation if he was on fire. Uh, don't worry about the script, baby. We rewrote your part to better suit your acting abilities. So now my character has a British accent?

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs.

Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face? Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard. Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants?

- What? - Huh? For real? There's been enough violence on these streets. Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered. So, yo, we sent you a crate of weapons as a sign of trust. Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy, giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture.

Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great.

(PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come. One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here.

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right! Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome. You sure caused some trouble in that bubble! Rest assured, if it rhymes, I can cause trouble in it.

Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not!

At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What?

I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing! How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe? Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is. Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kevorking.

I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less. Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better. The men win that round. In your face, decumbent urinators. (ALL ARGUING)

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you.

Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants! Hi. Hello.

We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time.

the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider. Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though.

Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked!

Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person!

I got you something. Moderately priced domestic non-vintage champagne! How did you know?

What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen?

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh!

Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman.

Everyone, help Mom find her bra.

I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying.

You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor." Oh, Mr. Bender. Please, call me Bender. Oh, well, goodness. I-i don't--

Aye. Aye. Duh, okay. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTS)

We now go live to the delivery room, where we're already at there. (MOANS) Ow! Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning!

Read it and weep. I'm a certified college dropout.

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings?

Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'.

"'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'" The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.!

I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier.

Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor.

Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment. Uh-huh. I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. Mm-hmm. I like your style. I find it very...

Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph! Ooh!

Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob.

Hey, wh-- what? This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity.

This one is for the E. coli. Ow! - And this one's for the leprechaunorrhea. - Hiddly-dee! I don't care how many diseases Fry has. It was worth it. Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan,

And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

Well, how much did you get? Two! Two magic beans! (GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: From the "Rowdy" Roddy Piper Daycare Center in Glasgow, Scotland, it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling!

There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey!

(ALL GRUNT) So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable. Oops!

Damn. One rock short of rescue!

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir.

I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya? A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh!

Quit standing up for yourself, Fry. When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship. Oh, yeah?! Well, listen to this! I'm leaving you.

We're going to try you out with a little delivery job. It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run. Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly. just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops.

Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post.

I think I'm going to die.

Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now? All right then! Whoo! Look out, baby! Work it out!

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry.

I am unstoppable! Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

35, you stupid meatball! Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right!

Up next, daring daylight robbery at a municipal swimming pool. Ooh, this is it! Turn me up. Earlier today, a foul-mouthed bandit robbed the municipal pool, making off with the contents of over three lockers. More like three lockers and a sink.

I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor,

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING)

Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way? Melllvar! Dinnertime!

Cop Department will return after these messages. Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point!

I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh!

- Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't.

You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good. Do you think what I did was wrong? Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do. Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did--

I don't feel well. Look, it's our nebula.

(CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage. There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes!

(GROANING) (SCREAMING) Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha!

Did everything just jump around or did my brain just stroke off there for a second?

Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty. The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies.

many of whom will pay top dollar for one of my pine-u-porks. (OINKING) MOM: Find yourself a porcupine, blast some pig DNA into it, microwave till juicy. (DINGS) And bang! You've got a cocktail treat complete with built-in toothpicks. (CHUCKLES) Mmm!

Oww! Not so rough!

Stop acting so stupid!

What I always do. jack squat.

Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who?

Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order!

Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in!

He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me.

Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes. Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender. What proof is this-- some huge number? It's explosive.

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes.

What! You told her, like, 140 times.

Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew.

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time.

Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh."

That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector. Some do. It all makes sense.

And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs. Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama?

the nation's premiere institution of lower learning. So please, give generously, knowing some poor helpless mutant will thank you. Not in person, thank God. Well, that was disturbing. I understand, dear. They are hideous.

Three big bags of trash! Attention, please. The takeover of PlanEx Corp by Mom's Delivery Company... will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING) (ALL GASP) Ah, look at the cute little... Aah! I was gonna go yachting in those feet!

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen,

(GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese. (MOANING) P.U.!

Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you. Oh, isn't she adorable? What a class act. Sold! To the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction.

The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket. What about our thousands of shares of stock? Worthless. I'll kill you! I own one share of Planet Kajigger,

Why with the long faces? The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them! Oh! You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Yes, an unspoiled virgin.

Say, robot, old buddy, could you help me move a couch? Aw, okay, but I'm not carrying it upstairs.

All right, enough of this.

Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave. Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that.

(YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine. What else is on? (SWITCHES TV CHANNEL) (GRUNTS)

(SPLUTTERING) Ah! What are you Globetrotters doing here? We're in town for the big game. And we stopped by to help our friend, the professor, with his cloning machine. Just call me the clone prince of basketball. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Today, the competition begins. Over the course of the summer, we'll be eliminating one contestant each week, and by "we" I mean "me". Deal with it, you babies! Let the battle begin!

(WHIPPING) I said join me!

Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie.

What if they're meant to be together? Fry, that's just so... I can't even believe... You are so totally... Right. You're right.

That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone. You're impossible. It's just as well.

Oh. Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your death clock. And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa? Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place. I just hope it's not as lame as that death clock you presented last year. Eh, "last year," you say? That's right.

That's so filthy it just might work. The man is going to touch Mommy? Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet. Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom. Very well.

'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge.

Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing! Okay. Better think of a new plan.

Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away. Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures.

Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death? Yes, and I begged Zoidberg to put me out of my misery.

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain. We all have needs. Mine was to make it with five weirdoes and have them scrub my five castles. I gave you all what you wanted and, of course, I made a few bucks letting Pig watch through the two-way mirror.

Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

One art, please!

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing. Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up.

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen.

Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it.

I think I got whiplash.

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing.

Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

me, Hermes Conrad. Ah... a picture of my mommy. Huh? What's this? A card from my cousin Zoidfarb.

You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history,

Oh, yeah. Your turn. Um, what color is my shirt? If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum. Good point. Oh, never mind this. In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush. Thanks for telling me, buddy.

Ew. Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

You're the boss, stranger. I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one. But then I'm gonna clamp your wounds shut so you stay alive while I clamp you some more! Say your prayers, stoolie. Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa...

So, we're cool?

(ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes!

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains.

My name's Hubert.

You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is.

Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human. Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy.

On, Trasher! On, Smasher! Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word. By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation... for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice.

My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together. (CHITTERS) Fry, put these someplace safe. (MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright,

But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy.

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home. And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.

Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet.

Hang on. It's too bright in here. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine.

It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish But its ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally newish So take a hearty swallow from your robo-Kiddush cup Which will give me time to quickly make them up (BURPS) Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?

Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained. Hey...

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs.

Yeah! Then knock yourself out.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Me next snu-snu! Out me way! Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu! Kif! jump!

How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned Unless, Fry you surrender my hands

Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid? Written and xeroxed. Good heavens. A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid.

(LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here?

How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail." Sorry.

and that's not your golf cart. Aw! Everybody just calm down. Kif promised he'd catch the rustlers.

Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle. (ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world. (ALL SCREAMING)

Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions. Daddy done good, huh?

It's going to blow!

Our top scientists went to work. At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy. Earth! Indubitably. Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball.

Holy night! Intruders!

I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees. Listen up, bees. It's Kwanzaa, a time of Umoja. It means "unity". You have to learn to work together again.

- Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman.

Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's--

You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly." (BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy!

my place or you? Before we deliver these hearts, I'm gonna find the one... that sums up my feelings for you. "I love you." Mm. Too conventional.

You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying!

Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying?

Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez anyone?

Vodka with a sardine in it, please. In fact, vodka with a sardine all around! And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment.

What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh...

Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender? When I use up the toilet paper, I don't put on a new roll. Fry, my friend, I found your pants. And no sign of that crafty badger. All right! Lucky pants! (SCREAMS)

I need a stapler!

Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero!

So, we meet again. Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl. Keep laughing, Funog.

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs!

Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere. Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams,

We've also prepared a bag lunch and some mittens. Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know. (SNIFFLING) (TEAR CLINKS)

Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead? Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

So are walnuts, and they're delicious.

It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser.

Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't!

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

You see, just as the Earth lichen is composed of an algae and a fungus, the quantum variety is also composed of two separate parts. An attractive algae-based id and a ravenous fungus-based ego that stores the stolen souls. I mean, life forces.

Been up north (ALL GRUNT)

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me

And stop calling me. I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog.

Smells good! Leela, are you there? No. Oh, yes, you are. I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers to a special reception... to display the national silk surplus.

Terror replaced by cautious optimism.

Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof.

Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases.

How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got?

There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

Actually, thanks to Dwight's brilliant accounting... and my unaccountable brilliance... our paper route now has over a million customers! We're finally making more money than you guys. Aren't you impressed now, Pops? Aren't you? Aren't you? Uh, in a small way, yes.

Oh. How about this one?

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough.

Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy. Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon, industrialist, private eye, friend.

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

What do you want me to say? He saved my life. Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick.

(BEEPING) As you can see, I've picked up an alien ship on the long-range scanner. It seems to be emitting musical tones in an effort to communicate. Why don't they just use a thought spike like normal people? FARNSWORTH: I don't know, Amy.

And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look!

It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that! You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender?

Suck them, burn them... As long as they're not butterflies, I don't give a grand crap. But take heed! For you see, it is mating season. Whatever you do, you must not disturb the aggressive male. He can be identified by his orange coloration and enormous butterjunk.

It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what?

Yo, classmate, whatcha taking? Oh, I don't know. Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it.

Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. Now, get in here before you freeze.

Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy. I learned it from a decongestant commercial. "Soothing action, action, action, action."

your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

Oh, wait. I'm thinking of Eugene, Oregon. Mmm! Mmm! Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it?

Hi, Mom. I love you more than... AUTOMATED VOICE: Low battery. But don't take my word for it.

Nice turnout, Calculon. That Oscar is practically on your mantle.

I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING) Fry, you have once more done my people a great service.

In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

Hello! I'm Prime Minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria.

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man.

So, what's the deal? You guys don't believe in Robot-jesus? We believe he was built, and that he was a very well-programmed robot. But he wasn't our Messiah.

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers!

Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape?

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President. Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig.

Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots.

(GROANING) You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke. (GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING)

(MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender.

Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire?

Once again, science saves the day. The end.

Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots? Or does that confuse you?

I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops!

Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke.

Release the giant sloth!

Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists?

She'll be less sad when we die. Mom? Dad? I showed up! And I got the audio tour for "Treasures of Liberace's Tomb."

(CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente.

(ALL GASP) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years.

Oh, no, you didn't.

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

Ah! That's so sweet.

Our good friend, Ben Franklin! Uh-oh. Isn't Franklin in Philadelphia? When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it. I'm sure no one's ever said this before, but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible!

We've crashed near a river of mercury on a lifeless mineral world. Supplies are low, cannibalism imminent, radio busted. Our one hope is to form a society.

Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains.

It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote. Very well. I shall comply. I'm getting reports that cities across the globe are being destroyed by this noble invader, whose good looks are apparently discernible across vast distances and through solid metal.

Whoo! That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in.

With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing.

It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected.

Allow me to demonstrate.

(MOOING) Soon enough, but first, the killing.

I guess he realized I was right when I told him to go back to the jungle. You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain? Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment.

Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh! That came out all wrong. Too late, baby. You said it. So, what'll it be-- my place or you?

A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please.

No good. It's full of steam.

Please send the man round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

You see that there? That's called a floor.

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion! Last one. Oh!

Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here.

or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family. And That Guy understands that. Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors.

Peace out, y'all! Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

The rich get richer.

That is why I decline the title of iron Cook, and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money.

Leela! Fry, I came to talk to you. No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever. I am so, so sorry for what I did,

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words.

Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

Realize, you know, my face was stuck in a pizza. Mom, Dad, I know this is weird, but-- Yeah, yeah. We don't care how squishy alien get pregnant. All we care is we have grandchild now. You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong. Hey, you call her "Grandma" now. Call me Grandma like crazy-- all the time. Check it out, y'all.

Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

(MAN SPEAKING SPANISH) A rock has fallen here, in the outskirts of Tijuana. Is it within the city limit? I think, yes.

Ah! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

(FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits.

Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment. But Guenter's obviously better off being intelligent. Tell him, Leela.

A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell! No, Mr. Smith, you're not in heaven or hell. You're on an airplane. There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!

This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea. I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it.

Ordinary human dating. It's enjoyable, and it serves an important purpose. But when a human dates an artificial mate, there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy.

Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD)

I can't bring myself to describe it.

Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry. The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure.

Well, you heard the windbag. We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated.

Go on. Ring the bell and invade them. (DOORBELL RINGS) Yes?

You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older.

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize.

- That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining!

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender.

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

Because it didn't! Yeah-uh. Opal has unusual temporal properties. It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble. Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us back in time to their original eras. Look! Schlock and more schlock.

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

(SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw! What? Hey, what about your lifelong dream? Didn't you always want to surf the world's greatest sewers? Yeah, and Fry and Bender can go with you. You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING)

You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace.

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat.

Well, it has been a while. Is it okay with you, Fry?

She shoots robots through the air. (BELCHES) Excuse me. Too much goulash. I've always wanted to be shot out of something. How about a quick blast after lunch? Alas, a fine big one like you would shatter my barrel. But, ah, to amaze the crowd once more.

One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me.

We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad.

Can we have some money? Oh, my, no.

The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No! So, it's a stone. Is it real?

He must be afraid to break character, in case there's any Robot Mafia scuzzballs around. FRANCIS: Heh? Come on, let's go check on him. I checked on a guy once. I checked him into tiny pieces! Bender? Nope, don't recollect nobody by that name. But let me ask my son-in-law, Billy?

Let's watch, shall we? My work here is done.

Whoa! Neat. Ta-da! It's a glow-in-the-dark nose... you can wear over your regular non-glowing nose.

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between.

It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

(MUTANTS CHEERING) My fellow mutants, until recently, I dwelt on the surface, where a man can gaze up at the sky in wonder without a wet clump falling in his mouth. MALE MUTANT: We can do that, too. (PLOPPING) Who's ready to fight for equality?

Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything. Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it. Bender's in his office. Thanks.

To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue.

He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile. Whatever. Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile.

Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout

Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie.

Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain. Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it.

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us.

Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

(SIGHS) Okay. Fine. Here, take my hand. (SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS)

Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

That's my fiancÉe, Mildred. Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top. Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away.

There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little...

(CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus!

Sounds delicious. Mmm.

In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week!

It's from the kidnappers. My nephew is alive! And he's in this envelope. They cut off one of my dimensions! No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us! (RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty?

Look, I love life and its pleasures as much as anyone here. Except perhaps you, hedonismbot. But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing!

Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts.

Aw, aren't you a fuzzy wittle guy. Stop that! Uh, please, Your Mightiness. "Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs. Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he!

How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

(EXCLAIMING) Police brutality!

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie?

Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did. Well, that is touchingly pathetic.

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you.

Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow! Oops! Try again! We're too far apart.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

Why are you trying to talk to me? I have no idea. You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment.

You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones. Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief. Please welcome the original Gerber baby Earth President Richard M. Nixon.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Boy, Bender, you sure were chock full of parts. I didn't even know you had a wishbone. I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back. Oh, sure we will. If we live a really long time. Let's get started.

I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it? It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth.

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood.

Leela, no means no.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

(HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone!

(ALL SCREAMING) I knew this final invention would be a humdinger.

One, two! one, two, three!

it was pure evil.

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow!

(ALL CLAMORING) You, sir, have been outfoxed. I spent all night on that. It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really?

and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot. I'm sorry. Hug me, Liubot.

Okay, crew. Xmas break is over.

Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me Say that you need me Say that you want me You want to please me Come on, now...

I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery. Well, my legs are made of rubber. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it.

As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now.

Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking!

They're usually here by now. Well, so long. Keep in touch. Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes.

No, no. Can I have another $50? No. No? No! No!

Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway. I was, but you can't sit on something for a week without falling in love with it. Whoever's in here deserves a chance at life.

Crap! If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell.

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right.

Kill them before they bring down our whole society.

that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said. Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business!

Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself. Fry, this is Professor Farnsworth.

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee!

Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

(GROANING) That was one hell of a weekend in Vegas. Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo! Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality.

Hey! What? A bill? You're charging us after you blinded me? Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity. $1,200? Holy zombie jesus! We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait.

I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

Wow, thanks. Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit!

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag! Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious. Except, what good is a candelabra without--

You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world.

And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on! So you opened the record vault, and the clover was gone? Yep. Nothing in there but all the best music of the 1980s in one amazing collection.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here,

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too.

Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years.

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold...

I'm seeing a movie with friends. Uhhhhh. Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg.

But with the Mobile Oppression Palace, a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day! Warships dismissed!

It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again. Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there! But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive.

Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh!

The idea came from an old movie called The Matrix. But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd.

Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home. Whoa, is that a fleam?

- LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

"If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell! I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here.

As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight...

"Download a celebrity from the Internet." What part of that do I understand? It's simple. You can download a celebrity's personality and appearance into a blank robot. Hey, I have an idea. Let's do that.

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store. Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me.

I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres!

Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies. We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment. That's adorable. Ow!

Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid? Written and xeroxed.

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it. I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me.

robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return. Wow. A whole planet of old people. Where is it?

Let the hunt begin.

What's with Monstro?

So what happens to the hero of our story, Zoidberg?

Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes--

This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen.

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV!

Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic? I don't know. I should be happy. Bender's sausage just won third place. Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed! Aha, Leela, we meet again. But this time, I'm the one criticizing the sausage.

I got busted robbin' that bank again.

Nibbler! Am I going crazy? Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning.

Whoa. Big Bender starts right now.

But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me. Wait, you're flies. Don't you eat excrement? KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this. Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh?

I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet. Here, read. Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful. I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send. Naturally, I'll have to assign a bureaucrat to fill in for Hermes while he's away. I assign me. I accept.

Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand. Here. Go up on the roof and install this fake satellite dish... so we can impress the neighbors. Yes, sir. I'm on it! Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you. God!

Great. We're two days from Earth with no food. Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser.

Sounds like fun on a bun! Shut up! I said it first! ELZAR: Bam! Also, ow. Oh, my God, it's celebrity chef Elzar! Hey, Elzar, I've just recently started always having dreamt of being a sausage-making champion. Can I get in on this? Sure, I don't care. You bring your ingredients?

Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

(IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir! (MUFFLED GROANS) Now to go switch bodies with Zoidberg, sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than...

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week.

What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone. How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed. The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale! I am not the whale!

It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano.

We choose to eat the first Earthling who ate our offspring. Here is the culprit as photographed by our nanny-cam satellite. She must be sacrificed but the rest of you shall be spared. Boo! Boo!

- Keeping an eye on the safe? - You know it. Well, looks like it's my shift. You lie down and go off-line for a while. All right.

You guys distract the were-car and I'll kill it by plugging its exhaust pipe with this silver potato. Psst! There it is.

I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now.

FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae.

Slurm her! So, wait. You play a high school student who's also secretly a rock star, who's also secretly a massage chair?

So, trapped on a ship with me. What say you and I knock some very sensual boots? It's tempting but, uh, I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan.

No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000.

How quaint. But I suppose I should do my part for political intercourse. Come closer, and I'll expose what I know. There's nothing. He's as clean as a freshly waxed buttock. Hey! Did you put your tongue in my ear? Certainly not. I don't have a tongue.

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy.

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves. Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep! And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby--

Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty.

You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die.

backwards into the waiting arms of my new assistant. Just stand here like so. Good. I'll fall backwards, and you catch me. I trust you... (SNARLING) (ALL SCREAMING) (BELCHES)

Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants.

Because... I have amnesia!

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian news. You probably didn't see it. Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender! Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices.

we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet.

The planet's "kerploding."

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow!

I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant. Ow!

I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie.

(GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal! It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get?

I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent! My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State.

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit.

FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on.

Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii, Chris Travers! (CROWD CHEERING) He won the nomination! We, the people, did it! It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant. Your insightful nagging really won us over.

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying. It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

Oh. Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time. No!

Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

Oops. We'll find that cold virus. The Nerd Search satellite was launched on the space shuttle and released into orbit. Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113.

Now, that's a pun. Ow!

arrived aboard his extravagant caviar-powered yacht.

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

See you then! We're back for our time machine!

You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity!

Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want?

The very instant I became old.

which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova,

And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah!

Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot!

Wow! Look at me! Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it. Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor.

Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't! There.

Now, let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste. All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products. You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me.

All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back? Sorry, but I hold all the cards here. There's nothing you can do. Now if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver... Wait. What fiddle contest?

What? You can give me new ears? Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return? just your hands, my dear. Whatever you said, forget it! All right. Then just one hand. Just... my left hand? Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two.

Stop that Red Menace!

Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War. But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost.

I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness. So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg. You were saying?

Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry.

There were no survivors. Takes all kinds. And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo.

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single.

Ooh! That's good news.

here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute...

Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh!

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated.

Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.

No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds,

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds-- The Gender Bender!

Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going. There we go.

What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable!

You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt!

My ass! My beautiful--

Huh. So apparently, Major MacZongo and Mr. Peppy were each doing about half the sheep-killing. (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) Why, Mr. Peppy, why? That tickles. (LAUGHING) (CRYING) Now I really do have to kill you.

Nope. Pretty, though. Hey, hey, wait... It's doing something. I'll protect you. Hi... Ow!

(CATS YOWLING) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady.

and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead!

No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset.

Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer.

I want to go out and jump around like an astronaut. Screw this phony stuff. But the phony stuff is what's fun. It's boring out there. Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria."

I just need to reset the Clone-O-Mat from human mode...

(ALL GASP) What? I thought you knew. You all evolved from some filth-gobbling Nanobots I designed. I dumped them in one of your ponds a few days ago. But this is creationist talk. He speaks lies! The Earth was created in eons, not days.

Pfft. Pathetic. This here the buffet. Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp!

You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day.

You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege. For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help. What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you?

Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private.

(MUFFLED YELLING) (ROOSTER CROWING)

You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Guards? Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist.

(ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out, won't they shoot first and ask questions later? Not if Zoidberg eats the money. Everything he swallows turns invisible. Like so.

If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby.

It's "Hammer" time! You suck!

Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela. Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time.

I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

Remember what the dormouse said feed your head...

Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business! Why, you-- Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead." Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death?

My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options?

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

Why are they booing me, Silicon? 'Cause your song was insincere, boy. Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about. Yes, sir.

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate.

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING) (BLOWS TRUMPET)

There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS)

It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape. Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) As the curtain rises on our verisimilitudinous tableau, you're no doubt curious as to why I tricked you all into hang gliding here. Close-up. It seems someone in this room is a murderer.

Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships. Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed.

Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all. (BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming? I translated more Martian symbols. There's a way off this planet. That underground pyramid isn't a pyramid, it's a rocket ship!

Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at? BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day?

Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Come on, floozies, let's repopulate!

Hey, I'm Elzar. Welcome to the show. You know, you don't have to drive all the way to Neptune for great Neptunian food. Today we're going to kick it up a notch as I show you how to fricassee a mouthwatering Neptunian slug. Whoo-whee!

Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela. Destination on your left in 0.3 miles.

- We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

Whoa, that's pretty deep.

That's true. Well, it gets worse. Once Tonya drops out due to blood loss, I kidnap her parents and make them watch while I cut off her hair with these hedge clippers. Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster.

Actually, that's kind of a funny story...

However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space.

MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing. Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up. How about Camptown Races?

My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Welcome to the world of business.

I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do? Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field.

This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

Male, filthy hand, violent temper.

This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998. And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs.

Huh?! I mean, unless it'd make you feel bad being a third wheel. Hey, I can get a date, too. Now that I'm single I'll attract all sorts of women. With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman. Oh! Oh.

Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

Mine is called a droid-el and it's rigged to make you pay Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins?

I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past. I'm rich. I can live whenever I want.

So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked. This has to be perfect. I want you to hear exactly what I hear when I think about you. Oh, Fry. All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew. I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool.

Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face.

And what am I up to, you ask? Why, I'm a very successful space captain. - Oh! - Wow! How nice for you, Leela. That's so good... for a person with one eye. Hey! You can't feel sorry for me. I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers.

What was the first one again? I hate you.

Hmm. We lost Bender. There. Now no one will be able to say I don't own John Larroquette's spine. Aha! My brother's grave.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning. Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya!

What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.

Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

It's good! I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

I think I'll go fill up on bisque at the buffet. I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancÉ... all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

(ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home! (BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir!

Aw, Nobel Prize? That's no good.

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) Those robo-cavemen have kidnapped our human regular-women. We gotta save them! But the only weapon we have is my fan dance. Hmm. I believe I can fashion a slingshot using this robot wishbone and this elastic from my pants.

I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day. Or more. Much more. In that horrid non-robot body? Sir, I have my standards. Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body? (GIGGLES) Me, posing as a lowly bending unit?

What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry!

(SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train

It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit. I support this proposition because I love a goopy, flesh-and-blood woman, and, not surprisingly, she loves me.

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur!

You do? Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness.

Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait. Yeah... there we go.

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want.

Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money.

Hello, first bologna of the new millennium.

Joy Juice, hot. Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said.

Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it. Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts.

Oh, my gosh! I better get a sponge! Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Walt, hit the retaliate button!

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room!

But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

Go yourself. Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan--

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms.

Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor.

Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him. Oh!

Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in? Yes! You broke my heart, Hubert.

You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say! We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth.

FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button. But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars! (SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

(PIANO PLAYING) One sarsapar-oil-la, Sheriff. I'm thirsty.

in the budget category. Have you ever dissected a Yeti before? (SNICKERS) Himalayan or Neptunian? Tritonian. (GASPS) A Tritonian Yeti? You two aren't up to anything unethical, are you? Relax. There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research. I said, "Relax!" Ooh! Ooh!

Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See?

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up!

I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus. You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode.

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif.

Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us.

Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering.

There was Candy, the raunchy by-the-books navigator, Lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift, and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics. We'll deliver that package or die trying.

There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS) (SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony.

Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to...

Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night. That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be.

Wow. A grim day for robotkind. But we can always build more killbots. He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector.

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as-- My bones!

Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life.

Wait. What's that? Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore. Nothing in there, except maybe a few shreds of moldy, old robot pornography. Hmm. Sounds like a breeding ground for humans.

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it.

If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him!

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick!

Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No!

But yer nights of endless, monotonous rotatin' have just begun.

It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.

Granted, we later learned some positive things about recycling, but a better solution is to use our electronics as long as possible instead of throwing them out in the first place. I'm gonna start by keeping my old cell phone, even if it is outdated. Hello, Miss Turanga. Your call to St. Louis has gone through.

But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

Those bastards won't know what leafed through them. It's on. (GRUNTS)

All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive.

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

Here you are in the year 3000 or so,

I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards. Fry's the one who should be-- Oh, never mind.

Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all. We stole it! Oh, crumb!

Incredible! Zoidberg had friends? It was a different time. FARNSWORTH: Everything was going smoothly until right after that part I was just telling you about. Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet.

Oh, no, you don't!

(LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon. The correct answer is "very." All right, Professor, sock it to me!

Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual. Just as I feared. Attack-type J.

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

(ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head!

This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis!

Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams... and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot!

I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death?

All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him. No! I got a little surprise in store for that guy-- the clamps! Huh? Uh, wait... old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap.

I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (CHUCKLING) Fortunately, I came prepared with a back-up phrasing.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen. Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next. Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot.

You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends. What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot? Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect.

People, please, I'm trying to run a business, so I get to hold kitty. Here, puss, puss... No, me. Over here. I wanna hold him. Its anus looks like an asterisk.

Our next speaker is Professor-- I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks. Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers. They're getting big and scaly.

We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas.

Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base. You sure are the helpful type, stranger. Say, you got anything to eat in that there lunch box? What-- Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain!

Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on! Before that, it was off.

And you got a cage for the lion.

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron!

(BOTH CHUCKLING) I guess what I'm saying is, the next time you almost die, I want it to be as my wife. (GASPS) The clam, Elzar. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry?

No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble.

Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

Cigarette, pardner? Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

Hmm... I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip.

You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point. What we need is an old-fashioned pine tree. Cram it, Virginia. Pine trees have been extinct for over 800 years.

Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland. That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying?

I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches. Welcome to a very special human hunt. We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Newspaper, Phone Book, or Miscellaneous. Miscellaneous, that's me. The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING)

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

What do you stupid voters want now?

Uh, your present may need some assembly.

Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants.

Bender, insert that giant nickel. Sure. (GROANS) Hush, Bender!

You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob.

I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police!

Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING)

Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli.

I can't watch... Enough.

I used to work in this exact pizzeria. And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats. I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation... and a Harlequin romance about archaeologists.

That's better. Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not!

Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic.

(BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus!

The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"!

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

(ALL PANTING) I've got navigation. We're on our way home. (ALL CHEERING) It just shows how everything is possible when you work together. Speaking of which, I have a surprise announcement.

Planet Express is on the move! For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me. It was a year of soaring profits... and significant one-time losses.

That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

(COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke,

This is the police. An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

"Dear Diary, I just made love for the second time."

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING)

Here, read. Spa Five? Is it good? Oh, it's wonderful. I don't know anything about it but they give me a bucket of krill for every patient I send. Naturally, I'll have to assign a bureaucrat to fill in for Hermes while he's away. I assign me. I accept. Welcome aboard.

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

TAKEI: Help. Help.

All for the Love of you it won't be A stylish marriage I can't afford A carriage but you'll look Sweet upon thE seat of A bicycle built For two

Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me? This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot. You'll never move again. You mean-- I'm sorry. You'll have to get a new one.

You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service.

(LOUD SLAMMING) (PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous. There's no such thing as whatever you're saying.

Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy.

This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998. And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs. Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama?

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do. I guess I was so desperate to find out who I really was I forgot who I really was. No harm done. In the many decades you'll work to repay me for that shipment of popcorn you destroyed you'll have plenty of time to search for your true home.

What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption.

You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen.

(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

Or maybe archduke. Whichever one gets to fire the director. Oh, Lord, here we go. Look, please just show some humility, like the other day when everything seemed hopeless. Better yet, I'll whip their emotions into a frenzy by taking a dramatic...

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask!

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think.

You need to be on your best behavior. No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites, but at least Bender will party with me. Right, buddy? Whoa, whoa, whoa! I enjoy partying as much as the next fellow, but this is Oktoberfest. Good day, sir! Ach du freakin' Lieber!

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! One down.

What the... All right, good enough. Let's go. He killed my second-to-last Agnew. Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk! I'm addressing the planet.

- So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop!

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

There's the Garmin! And the TomTom! Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship! What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted? We'd better investigate. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Looks like an ion storm, though. Everyone, suit up!

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax!

I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl. (ALL GASP) For you, my lovely rugelach.

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them.

Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished! She never got over it, Professor. Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned.

Two point pi! FRY: Look, up there! There's some up! LEELA: The third dimension! FARNSWORTH: Indeed, but we're about to crash into some sort of huge disk! (ALL SCREAMING) FRY: My bowels returned at a bad time!

Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not.

Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow! Oops! Try again! We're too far apart.

(SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender.

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks.

You're goin' down! Uh, also, I had a reservation for one, under "Dr. Bender."

No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English? Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

(SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell,

But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter.

just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands.

And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die?

I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes.

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen! Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end! Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof.

Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world. Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent. Silence! We will accept no more decoys. This is the McNeal.

The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G."

I happened to snap a picture of him taking some time with his biggest fan. No, not that scene-chewing ham. I said the greatest actor, Langdon Cobb. Let's rewind, shall we? NARRATOR: Langdon Cobb, the most acclaimed actor of his generation. Why's he wearing a bag on his head?

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real!

Come here, Nibbler!

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well. Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here I suggest Fry give me a nice convincing kiss.

Hold up. What if we were to move this cluster of stars... to these algebraic coordinates? Their gravity might just divert the chronitons... to the empty side of the universe.

It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly.

but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day.

Okey-dokey, see you then. This is so unfair. I liked you back when you were a cyclops. That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man,

But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham?

Mm, framing... I...N...G... an... Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

Thanks, Bender.

(TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready.

I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110!

NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So?

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck.

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral.

Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete.

Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes?

Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these.

I'll save one of you!

there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy. Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen.

You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job. Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000. So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you?

You'll come to understand them, just as I now understand the ape-men of Earth. As stupid as Zoidberg's idea is, it's brilliant when I have it.

A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring. That lucky bastard. I say kill it! But it loves me, and I love it! Kill them both!

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson?

It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING) (GRUNTING) (PANTING)

30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING)

You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

All bow before the great Metal Lord! Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

Oh, put down the binoculars, Fry. The wall of that strip club isn't going to collapse twice in one day.

Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts. Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

And rip her shirt a little.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model. As unclean as it makes me feel, I agree with Bender. Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.

Look, the hammer's already out, I got to smash something.

Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical. Anyway, it's going to take some careful piloting to avoid it.

He's pending for a bending.

I demand extra dipping sauce! How many? I don't know. Two? Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff.

Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang. How did we manage to survive? What gave us those strange powers? Maybe we're all wearing magic rings.

and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter!

We only have three women on staff...

Here, you drive. Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened?

Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

(LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific. (STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton.

You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS) Hey, Professor, couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over?

That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley, and we can go have some fun. Daddy Bender? Son? Daddy's tryin' to score with a cheap floozy right now. So he needs you to cram a Tinkertoy in it. I love you, Daddy Bender. Hey! What the hell are you doin'?

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee.

I'm still not following you. Wake up, my king.

Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night. Well, um-- Heh. The, um-- H-Hello.

Would we have donkeys?

I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods...

Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep--

Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother! I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax-- For duck huntin'. Sure, humans are cute but how else are we supposed to test cosmetics?

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'.

We'll have to bring her around again.

Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby!

You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon.

Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh. What does this have to do with the anchovies? I'm getting to the freaking anchovies. A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco.

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP)

I'll be out in a second. I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little.

Wait. You want me to do two things?

Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu. Are you just gonna stare vacantly at her and not say anything? I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me.

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible.

I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor.

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit!

You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did.

Your beast was my chance to be a hero again, but the damn thing was a vegetarian, so I slaughtered the sheep myself. But why did you attack me? So I could impress you by seeking revenge on the creature. Us greeters don't get a lot of action. On paper it seemed like a win-win situation. Do you realize what this means, Fry?

It'll cost you, John. How much are you worth now? I live in a dumpster. All I have in the world is this coupon for one free session at the tanning salon. Oh, John, that's really all you have? Then, I'll take it.

Oh, I'm doomed!

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste.

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies!

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh? Yoiks. What was that about?

Wisconsin has defeated Stanford 17-to-9 in the 2000 Rose Bowl! What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium! Whoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail?

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron. Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby.

Too much eyeliner! This is history in the making, folks. Bjornson steps up to the plate and Leela delivers. Oh, gee! Bull's-eye! ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending. Leave him alone. It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine. Is it, snuggums?

A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner!

Not surprising enough.

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No!

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central. Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all.

You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra.

Aw, that was uncalled for.

Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh?

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." (CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never!

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Yes! Footprints! And handprints? But... what's happening? Fry!

We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock!

This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted. Come look, everyone. I just got the dearest presents for Mommy. Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em.

Oh, that'll be fun.

Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! (MOANING) Un-paw him, you big ape! I saw this in a Tarzan movie! It was called Tarzan versus the Yetis.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot.

I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live. And that name is--

Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I-- Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

running on the computational cloud. To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane!

We constructed it from the remnants...

(SCREAMS) Huh? Oh... You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING)

Well, I think you dating a manbot is a disgrace. And I refuse to be involved. And you have way too much lipstick on! Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't! No way!

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

T. text home? Sorry, boy. 'Cause of the embargo, our planets aren't allowed to communicate. Update Facebook status home? (SIGHS) Look, my scout manual has a section on emergency communication.

I think the owner is from Signas Five. Signoids? On our block? Fi and foo! They should go back where they came from! Professor, please! Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. - Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No!

That's impossible, because my time is worthless.

Ah, Mom, do we have to? (CLUCKING)

One, two, three!

So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster...

Maybe there's another way.

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight?

Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh.

This is a normal L-unit. Without it,

Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her.

I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest.

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone. Can I drive? No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow?

Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout-- Destructor, a robotic armored tank whose very use in battle has been ruled a war crime...

And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness. Hang on! I need to do some calculations! The decimal goes... carry the seven... got it!

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice! This could mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it! Also life.

He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela, for tearing your arm off and all. I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers. Plus, you were willing to sacrifice yourself so I could live. I mean, you failed, miserably, but you're the only person who loves me enough to try.

You make it look so easy. I've smoked a lot of paperwork in my day.

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it!

Movietone News, everyone. I've discovered a new comet. One side, boys. Let a lady take a gander. Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level.

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine...

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer. Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon!

- Interesting. Tell me more. - Get this.

Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby.

You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back.

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away. (SNORING)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never...

I ain't making drinks for no trashy robo-sluts. Trashy? At least I don't put out for quarters. (GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey! Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here.

Nothing to see here, old girl. Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here. All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him. No! I got a little surprise in store for that guy-- the clamps!

just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu.

You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass.

(MOANS) (UNZIPPING)

(ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

(MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What?

So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really. Except for one person. Who was it?

Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work. Wait. What? I said, "Very nice work." This is the happiest day of my life. Mmm! Okay, crew, listen up.

I've devised a way to save you and stop global warming at the same time. Granted, you're all blasting out greenhouse gases-- You're one to talk!

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m.

Amy? But that means-- Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand.

Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela? There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS)

Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating.

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it...

I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait!

How do we get up there? I'll let my hair down and you can climb up! That's not hair. I don't care what it is. I just like climbing. (GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat!

Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you! I can't sleep at night! Although, as a robot, I don't do that anyway. But if I did, I couldn't because... I love you so!

I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (CHUCKLING) Fortunately, I came prepared with a back-up phrasing. Bender, would you mind bending my new sweaters? There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things?

Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture? I don't know. I mainly hang out in here. Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder. I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it.

Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet.

just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo. On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies.

The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting. Then prove it. By fighting. All right, we will. Come on, Amy. Why don't you and I ever do things together?

News, everyone!

VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab.

are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No. Deal with it.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads. Someone must have used my press while I was poking around in Charlotte. Let's ask my apprentice, David Farnsworth. (GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him! Arm yourselves!

I want to live a little. Help! I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want! Quick, run out the back! I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable!

Hello. I remembered you liked superheroes, so I painted you a mural on your wall.

Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Bad dream, that is. At this rate I'm never gonna get a grandchild! Oh! Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out. She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again, I'm just gonna stay in my room! Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

Coming through! Is everyone on board? I got my buddy. Hermes is my buddy. Bender, where's Fry? I saw him in the kitchen with Dinah. You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos,

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela.

but who am I to argue with a man from the sky? So long, space heroes. You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans.

They will not eat everyone on Earth. I filled up on nuts at the negotiation. Instead, they will eat only a single human of their choice. We choose to eat the first Earthling who ate our offspring. Here is the culprit as photographed by our nanny-cam satellite.

This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest.

Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive.

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"!

Here I go! (SCREAMING)

Futurama. Noun. Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy. What are you asking me for? Hey, here's a fun definition. Idiot. Noun. You!

"Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough!

You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet.

- They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say? I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper. A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers.

I'm walkin' on sunshine hmm-mm-mm Sunshine

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

I'll have Agnew put in a call to Hollywood. (DIALING) (GROWLING)

(SCREAMS) It's attacking me! (GRUNTING) This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

I got a little surprise in store for that guy-- the clamps! Huh? Uh, wait... old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer. Oh, no, Poor Bender.

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999.

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich!

She's a hateful monster, this Morgan. She scolded and hit me.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie?

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

Admission, $20. Dad! Gleesh. Greetings, Mars men. We come to your planet to construct a gleaming city, a second Earth on which to begin anew. Okay. Admission, $20. I can't believe it. Fry sacrificed his spot for me, and I never even had a chance to thank him.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted.

Waaah! What the--

And Hermes returns from his vacation today. Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head.

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Well, see you guys tomorrow! I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow. Good night, everyone!

(MIMICKING KISSING)

(GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Oh, Leela, it's so great to see your beautiful face again. Let me give you a hug.

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots.

Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women-- The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment.

Faith and begorra!

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake.

Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era. (BELL RINGING) (COW MOOS) Rush hour.

I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't.

And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby-- No!

There are 40 billion hungry people on this planet, many of whom will pay top dollar for one of my pine-u-porks. (OINKING) MOM: Find yourself a porcupine, blast some pig DNA into it, microwave till juicy. (DINGS) And bang! You've got a cocktail treat complete with built-in toothpicks.

Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender.

I asked you five minutes ago. You call that a kiss? I'll show you! Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand.

Shh! Those words are forbidden.

we will begin with closing statements. Your Honor, the state's case contains not one Kentucky kernel of truth, resting as it does on the contention that my client made a series of bad decisions. However, my client made no such decisions!

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating?

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

One, two! one, two, three!

How about a few words, Professor? I said "words." Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film. My best years are behind me--

(HEARTBEAT) No! So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied!

If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you. - Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President.

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

I am so great. Bender is great

(BARKING EXCITEDLY) Geez, Philip, I just put Seymour out. Now he's tracking stink in here. By which I mean you. (LAUGHS) Yeah, Yancy, I stink. Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good.

Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe...

He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining?

My fellow Earthicans, after meeting with top voodoo economists, I have decided to refund our silk surplus to you, the taxpayers. That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill. Knock yourselves out!

Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world.

(SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm.

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea!

If only the others-- I guess that's my cue. Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men.

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words. I would like you to apply for Bender's old job and cozy up to this Fry, his best friend. Yeah, and then I'll introduce him to my best friend,

Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up.

I'm afraid we need to use math.

We find the Donbot...

Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it.

ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace. Good news, neuchachos. The ship is nearly repaired.

"First person on Mars." Oh, so your brother was that Philip J. Fry. I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us.

Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus! Oh-ho! I've got you now. Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae?

The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy.

Captain Branigan, you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg. Eee! Money doesn't make good people. No, sirree.

Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me. You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough.

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"!

I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself.

I'm going to allow this.

Ooh, delicious. This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of "funk-ay!" The challenger's ugly food has shown us... that even hideous things can be sweet on the inside.

So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew?

Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so. No dog food for Victor tonight. Okay. The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000.

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending. You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago.

Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there.

Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over. Fine, okay. About this conquering thing,

How could you just throw your garbage away? Hey, hey, give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away.

Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course.

I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes.

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh!

So, you're a robot? (SIGHS)

We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket.

Your pride will mask the pain Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain

Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING)

The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks?

What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be! Huh? Pooh!

As God is my witness, I vow to earn the respect of girls and women everywhere. I will become the best blernsball player of all time!

Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool!

(EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing,

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it.

I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Shh. Don't talk during the movie. New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer opens a new tube line to alleviate rush hour traffic. Dateline: Paramecium Homeworld.

Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down.

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up!

Once again, science saves the day. The end.

Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere. My Tanqueraydar is going crazy. (BEEPING GETTING FASTER) Ha, ha.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot,

Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford? Quiet. There's an ad coming on.

Hell, no. This button is for scientific use only.

Bender, cut it out! First of all, the sewer mutants will be mad. Second, everything else that's horribly wrong with what you're doing. Those stupid mutants can't do anything.

This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do.

I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious.

I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict. Cut me some slack, preacher.

I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg. Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like.

Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over. Many people dream of a fresh new look and Mary Kay can make those dreams come true. Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York. There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater.

The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar!

To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

Good lord! A second ball of garbage. That just might work. But garbage isn't something you just find lying in the streets of Manhattan. This city's been garbage-free for 500 years. Well, then it's time to make some more. Make garbage? But how? Stand back and watch the master.

All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry.

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon?

Bender, is that thou? I love you.

You'll shred me into a zillion...

Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda. You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots!

Tiparillo? Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three.

They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle.

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream.

Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party. So come on, put the guns down and join us.

Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window

then get a job bending. You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see. How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still.

(SNIFFLES) But you're my only family. Who will hug me if I achieve something? Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh. Come, lad, take my hand and I'll explain why I find you so repugnant. All my life, I've been inspired by great minds.

- An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell. Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

Geez, Bender, you're scaring me. You're going wacko. You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

Oh, how could Amy leave me? When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening!

You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots. With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun. But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun.

Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen?

Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers.

Knock yourselves out!

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No!

That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

Now, bees communicate by dancing.

Hey, you're not jealous, are you? What? No, no, of course not. Good. 'Cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful. Mind if I freshen up a bit before we go out? I was just about to suggest the same thing.

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show." "Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play."

'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage.

Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we? FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it! Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION)

Man, it's a total sty.

Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire.

My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once.

(BOTH GASP) Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy. (SNARLING)

I'm being fired.

If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me?

It's only been 23 minutes. Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes. It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform.

Ah. Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone.

Where'd it go? I thought we installed alien-proof air vents! It's on my list. (SHIP POWERING DOWN) What's happening? The ship's lost power! Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard! Any one of us could be next.

Bender, quick! Waggle something! Uh--

You big, fat fraud! You're not really broken! But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage! Get him!

(GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot. Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack.

But you will have one in just a few hours. And everyone will know it's real, 'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV. If it's on TV, it has to be real.

Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that?

Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww! Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck. Oww! Oww! Oww! And the winner is number four, Steven!

Give me back my floppy face! Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid!

Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up.

Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on. Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor,

Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

I'm too young to die.

This is Colossus, the beanstalk project. Ordinary beans are a magical fruit, but they're tiny and pathetic. So we spliced elephant DNA into their chromosomes for added heft. (TRUMPETS) (BUZZING) So those magic beans are actually genetically engineered?

I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion.

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never! One spoonful to calm me down.

My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over.

Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete. Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend, heh? Ah! There. Perfect.

I'm proud to introduce the five people willing to participate. Tonya, Bender, Greg, some kind of blob monster, and Petunia! The extra clicking you'll hear is gonna be my hip. FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them!

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy!

You whanged my ship, you walnut-paneled idiot! Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching!

It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner? Creeped out. Then it's decided! Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh!

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.

Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry, and I've tried everything. All right. Never mind. Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

He decided not to let go. I can't believe you're gone. I won't! If I can't reach you physically, I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy.

I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not? Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes.

Now, your only chance is a classic death scene.

With all your modern science are you any closer to understanding the mystery of how a robot walks or talks?

Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on! Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead.

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better. Prepare to enter...

I'm sick of being critiqued by nitpicking nerds. I'm taking this to a comic book convention! (EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed. Oooh!

(BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES) Next up, the Planet Expresses ship.

Yes. I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC. And if this isn't the life you want, how 'bout this? Run program "Kif Two." Oh, Kif! We could live here at the shore... of the Tranquilibrius Sea in a time-share.

Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela. Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all.

long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right

LEELA: Bender, stop!

Mutate! Mutate! Mutate!

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right.

(SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh!

I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz.

Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side! I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards.

Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right.

Uh-huh. May I come in? Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat!

Excuse me. This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12.

I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy and wrong and sick. - However, I will watch out of curiosity. - Quiet! I'm about to begin the process of reshaping Bender's body... into a tender, delicate form. Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Hey!

I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog. My pupil will be victorious for he has the will of a warrior. Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes,

I put you through college, and this is how you repay me? Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road.

Okay. Come on, gang, let's go inoculate everyone and cram Manhattan back into its rightful hole.

Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand. That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love."

Mmm. No! Nibbler.

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone.

I, I've never seen anything like this. Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years.

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

100% till the end of time. Can I trust you?

You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

Yes, I'd like to enroll in college. You're still talking to me. Oops. $10,000 tuition? I can't afford that! Psst. Over there. Where?

Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt? Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives. How was your day?

What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though. Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was!

More on this breaking puff piece after a word from our sponsor. ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone. WOMAN: From Mom.

(SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

What you need is one of these holographic minicams. Films in every direction at once and stores the video on a remote 15-inch floppy disk. I'll take it! Excellent. Let me just wrap that up for you. Who said that?

We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way.

Oh, my God. It's Randy! Damn right!

(HUMMING) Whoo-hoo!

Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz. Chaz? I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man. So? I'm just as important as him.

No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet.

Another year, another generation of pups fathered by me, Beachmaster. (ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY) I'm the greatest, baby! You go, Beachmaster!

Dang. Sorry we missed it. We could have another one, if it would make you guys feel better. Really? No, that's not necessary. Hit it, Bender! Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on?

I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance.

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up! Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery!

You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

Give me your answer, do I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you it won't be A stylish marriage I can't afford A carriage

Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

has named Leela "Orphan of the Year." Your parents must be so proud. Ooh, sorry. And the good news keeps on coming. Behold, my latest invention. Whoa! Neat.

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) Why, Mr. Peppy, why? That tickles. (LAUGHING) (CRYING) Now I really do have to kill you. Wait! Don't shoot! The beast is a Godsend.

Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy.

I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver.

Oh, put down the binoculars, Fry. The wall of that strip club isn't going to collapse twice in one day. I know, and I've grown to accept that. Now I'm more interested in that new pizza parlor across the street. Kind of makes me pine for my days as a pizza delivery boy.

(YELLING) (GRUNTING)

What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer.

No fair! Bender's innocent!

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus.

Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey.

Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest. Well, here goes nothing.

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down!

Now I'm all you got!

I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off?

I can be manly too. I think I'll, uh, light up a smoke. Wrong way. Smooth. Look on the bright side. My parents left after you passed out, so they didn't even see you barf.

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man.

You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah!

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula.

Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now.

Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination. Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees!

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could.

I won't! If I can't reach you physically, I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy. So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do?

We're okay on Coke syrup. Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

Angus is right. The cursed thing even debones them, which is perfect for today's fast-paced, lazy consumer. (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) The beast must live! (CHEERING) You know what the best part is?

Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful. So, when Umbriel first brought home this carpetbagger I was agin' it but damn if ol' legs here ain't grown on me! Aw, shucks, Colonel.

we have a unanimous decision.

This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender!

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first. Calculon, wait! That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion.

You have a night job?

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender!

(EXCLAIMS) Stupid Franklin. I will get you!

(MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone! Alone with me?

Now who's in the lead? Seriously, I have no idea.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

To the subbasement!

He's a terrible father. Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap.

hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac. My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs...

(SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what? My fellow Earthicans,

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more.

Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that. Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake. Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore. I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot,

Wow, that lady's got a huge ass.

Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

(PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come.

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body.

I should be the one in that grave! Hmm. We lost Bender. There.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen.

No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it?

Congratulations on your big bust. You, too. Keep it up, and you boys might just make detective. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one.

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot.

Bender, no! You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes.

you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there. Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

Birds don't crawl. They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not? Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please... Big z. Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing.

The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000. Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry?

Then we need water from that pond.

Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is.

Well done, sir. Have you a name? Hubert Farnsworth, at your service. A Farnsworth, you say? Well, if I'm not mistaken, the Farnsworths have been in New New York for almost 200 years. Yes, I have. And I'm his uncle. How charmingly unconventional. I can eat a hot dog underwater.

of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah! Want a jolt? Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual? Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool.

You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you.

I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma. Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Please, give me a chance to be romantic on my own. I've got a Baggie of massage oil, and I'm gonna give you my super back rub, just like I used to give Amy when I was going out with her, and she always seemed to-- Uh-oh.

What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as-- My bones!

All right, I've been waiting all day for an excuse to hit a lady. You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) You want some of this?

It's so unfair. That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls.

See? Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING)

So telleth, Bender-- What hath happened to your body? I hocked it. Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Same reason you hocked your teeth. Ah, booze money.

Could you repeat that last part? This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment.

(BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen.

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune. Is that a lot? And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle...

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month.

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!

This is so beautiful! Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already!

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS)

There it is Miss Universe There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara.

Morbo interrupts Bowling For Quatloos to present breaking coverage of the birth of Senator Chris Travers. We now go live to the delivery room, where we're already at there. (MOANS)

Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot.

Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things.

Mom, why is there orange in my Purpleberry Puffs? As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries. Two colors? Wow.

That's the store, Professor. (POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? Pert 'n' Popular, sir. Roger that. Kiff, get me ten cases of Pert 'n' Popular. What shall I do with your jergens, sir? Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows.

May I take your order?

Don't you have a self-destruct button?

It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again. Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there! But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive.

She always liked not being observed with a telescope. (ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head! For reasons beyond even my comprehension,

Case dismissed!

Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out. This way we'll both be happy. Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy. Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon,

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected. I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar,

(ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING)

No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna... I said make the decisions!

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay.

He escaped. Escaped? No one escapes. This guest does not look 160. What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample.

Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have.

I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you.

Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me.

To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno.

That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry. Come on, Bender. You can do it.

Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir! Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us.

No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

Oh, expletive deleted.

Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh! What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!

Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan!

Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party-- one of the most social events imaginable? It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots.

You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love!

She was my first love or at least the earliest one I can still remember. But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers."

That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back

Will you come back again and tell us more stories,

I know, and as much as I love Mr. Peppy, I love Leela more. He has to be put down. Ah, don't feel bad. Major MacZongo is an experienced hunter. He'll blow Mr. Peppy's head off as painlessly as possible. No, not MacZongo!

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy. The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door. Submitted for your Emmy consideration,

You know, like how I live every day. Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub! Ooh! Oh, baby!

Oh, it's far from a'ight.

Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk.

Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment. You're looking less nuts, crabby.

Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh! What a weird dream. I'll never get back to sleep. So, you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams? Of course.

Is he genetically engineered? Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo. Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation.

I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours.

You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw.

The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

(CHEERING) Hello. Hello. So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?"

Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham.

Yes. You spletcha.

Let me know how that turns out.

Nezzbin Zalgabarg, Ten-Minute Underwear, and Dwight Conrad, Speedy Wig. And the Clippie goes to...

Aah! Brains! Fear not, Mighty One. Your missing brain wave makes you invisible to them, so long as you avoid intense thinking. Uh, sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention. - That is most wise. - Who?

I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do.

More than a little. She's beautiful!

Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Okay, take a deep breath. You're having a little lovers' quarrel, but I'm sure you'll work everything... (GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby! Then I'm going in after him! No! He'd come after me!

What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony

Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out. Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy.

Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh! Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Upsy-daisy. Oh. Oh...

Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

(GRUNTING) I think they want wives, so just play along. If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks.

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close.

Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me.

Someone's been a bad computer.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face. (ENGINE REVVING) Oh, snap! It's our rival gang! We have a rival gang? I hate them!

Wait, if you guys came from Earth,

Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course.

It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

Okay, boys. Let me show you how a "paperman" does it.

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back.

Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us.

We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal!

I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia

Ow! My small intestine!

That's from Xmas and Robanukah you plagiarizing lout Yeah, I'm kind of losing interest here I best be rolling out But before I go, the most important thing What's that, black Santa?

The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan!

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry.

That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen?

Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it. Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?

I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg!

We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes.

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How...

I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew! Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus, or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio. That's ridiculous! Mr. Peppy doesn't eat bones.

Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man? No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand.

Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy.

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down.

Ah, this is the greatest nanosecond of my life. No, this one is. No, this one. Wait... that one was slightly worse. Ah, so far so good on this one. And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs...

Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING) Hold your clapper. Someone's coming. (GRUNTS) Donbot, please,

Slap that shiner on a ring, and me and Leela will be doing the married horizontal Charleston in no time.

They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass.

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah! Wait! No, thanks.

I would never do something like that to a friend...

Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it.

This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip.

Peace! We out! Hey, Bender.

In fact, should I do it now? All right then! Whoo! Look out, baby! Work it out! Oh, shake that thing! You gotta use it, ladies! Shake it up a little! That's right! Come on! Work it out!

Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here.

Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead! It's booby-trapped! Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight

Huh? What the-- You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can.

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company. Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

You know-- 1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones?

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore.

Man, these hands do everything but pick your nose. (EXCLAIMS) (SNIFFS) Wow. Well picked.

Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done!

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy? Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one. Daddy has a present for you today. Do you know what it is? It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do. Even break dancing. And it once belonged to someone very special.

We're in town for the big game. And we stopped by to help our friend, the professor, with his cloning machine. Just call me the clone prince of basketball.

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen! Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end! Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof.

And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here. Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death.

Mm. Finding God, that's important, yeah.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising.

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God.

Not surprising enough.

Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do.

So how are we supposed to eat and digest?

Great Wall of Prophecy, reveal to us God's will that we may blindly obey. Free us from thought and responsibility. We shall read things off you. Then do them. Your words guide us. We're dumb.

This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry.

Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia.

Yeah. It's weird. Sean was uneducated, unambitious-- - He was pasty and hunched-- - Pretty boy. But when he played, I could sense this incredible, beautiful, creative soul. Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt. I couldn't believe that--

No, Mr. Smith, you're not in heaven or hell. You're on an airplane. There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals. It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink!

but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it.

Destroy them. Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it.

Clone of Agnew is gone, killed in his clomping shoes by ruthless Omicronians. But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel! Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8.

I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say?

Wait. What about the girlie calendar? Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff...

This is Vergon 6. Buh. It's a sunny little doomed planet inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals. Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled

I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis, and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there.

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa! Get away! Come on. I just got all the gum off of there. Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

Sleep, little dumpling.

old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer.

Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair.

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

(BOTH PANTING) I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination.

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it.

You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper!

Where are we? And why is the Slurm pouring into this sewer? This isn't Slurm at all. Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan. Look at this.

What? (SPUTTERING) For your information, "Madam," it's a grower, not a shower!

yet you have this free spirit about you. And there it is! It's as if you understand the male mind better than I. I've never met anyone like you. Oh, yes, you have. Coilette, I'd like to spend some... quality time with you.

Holy moly! Lady, you don't know me, but my name is Abner Doubledeal. Wait, I know you. You're Abner Doubledeal.

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma. Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps.

but we have something they don't have. Technology. Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit.

These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him? Nope. He ain't any of the eight people I ever met. Bender, it's us, your friends. You can drop the hillbilly moron act. Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West.

I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought.

Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up! No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends, and I'll still be the hero who everyone says how great he was.

Now get out there and prove her wrong.

As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you?

Dr. Zoidberg, can you note the time and declare the patient legally dead? Can I? That's my specialty!

Hello, Leela. You're fired.

ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body. Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses! It's hopeless.

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me.

But wait, there's more! We've got a whole lineup of inventors tonight starting with that up-and-coming young star Ogden Wernstrom. Boo! More wine! Distinguished members of the academy I present to you the reverse scuba suit.

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean.

Evacuating the planet in three, two...

For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson!

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. (WHOOPING) Look out, world, here I... (GROANS)

Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here.

I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now. I want to enlist.

Sold to the being of inconceivable horror. Will a money order be okay? Yes.

You may know what's in his head, but you don't know what's in his heart! There's no slot in there, either. I said shut up! Today marks young Ben's 13th day of being left on continuously.

It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere.

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die.

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Do I hear wedding bells?

Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass!

Hello. I'm here for the free beer.

Meow. Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure.

Good news, everyone! Our safe new ship has arrived,

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work.

You gotta do what you gotta do.

Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh. And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump. ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little.

Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy?

What do you want to see next? We have a great maritime museum. Shut up, Guenter! You can't just put people on display. It's cruel. Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends.

Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti.

No, I just told the robot company I was defective. You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you!

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions.

What're you guys doing here? Fleeing Earth, of course. We flew here in your great stone pyramid. Seriously? That thing flies? Of course. Your people left it so we could escape. I translated your warning that the world was doomed. Not your world. Our world. We put calendar there to warn you not to visit Mars.

They got medals. I'm real sorry I missed the mission. I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great.

Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember? Remember all that squealin' I didn't do? Remember? Do ya? Yeah. Yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy. Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

Wessel! You're not acting hard enough!

Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. (WHOOPING) Look out, world, here I... (GROANS)

Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?

(GROANING) Oops.

One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium.

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

Okay, this tech dump has every kind of high-tech communications device.

One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak.

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week. Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack. Thanks for the help, Leela.

Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished.

Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah yeah, yeah MMm!

'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still.

I was lying here snoozing, dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists, when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol?

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck!

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days. Check it out, everyone. I'm back from hell, and I've got the Robot Devil's hands! Neat! Let's see a trick! All righty.

I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged...

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow! No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm. That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior. Therefore, the battle is already over. The winner? Me. Ha, ha! Rematch? You lose again.

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up.

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere.

You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me.

It's a little rule known as "Brannigan's Law." But people already interfered. That planet was mined completely hollow. Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew. This doesn't make any sense. I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession!

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

Pinucci's Pizza.

Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent. We were in science class... and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry.

Tell my offspring I loved me very much...

Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care.

Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies!

What? Oh, this is horrible. I won't be able to hear Fry's opera.

That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up. Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt!

as dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat. The images are truly horrific. I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel.

Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel.

I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no!

Did you approve that awful ad, Fry? Yes, I did, Leels, and I'll tell you why. Because it grows the brand.

Of course. I had the same idea. i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go?

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while

There's A destination A little up the road from the habitations and the townS we know A place we saw the lights turn low the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

NARRATOR: And so the salmon reach the ocean, birthplace of all life. Except the salmon. Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way!

I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

Where did Qbert come from? 12 years ago, I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back. Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long,

Come on. Move those arms. Use the power of mental thinking. Make it dynamic.

You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you!

I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore. Nothing in there, except maybe a few shreds of moldy, old robot pornography.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones. How're ya doin', kid?

I apologize for nothing! We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard! Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes?

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks!

one purpose, one pact. Our enemy shall be eaten by scorpions. And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves. We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that!

In other words, no. Ohh!

and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow! What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow?

What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

In a moment, the award for Outstanding Sext Message. But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

The tail is composed of abrasive comet powder, and that's just what I need to put a wash-day shine on my new doomsday device. Now, hop in the flivver and score me some of that sweet, sweet powder. (WHISTLING)

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh!

Hey! BENDER: C'mon! I want that spark! Give me that! It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready.

Good news, everyone! Someone's home is on fire. (ALL CHEERING)

- Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away! Go, go, go New Justice Team

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

(PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS) Miss Wong?

We've got to get the emperor out of your body before they kill you. Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness. But won't that crush my bones? Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones. Hey, why don't you just sweat him out?

(RAPID BEEPING) (GASPS) Vaxtron! It's not what it looks like! But it's very similar to that! My world has been, like, shattered. I hate you both. Oh! They thought this Vaxtron could replace me?

20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy?

It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo!

I joined Penguins Unlimited to love penguins, not to hunt them. This time the two are one and the same. Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive.

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER)

What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop! I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord.

Wanna do it? So soon? Oh, well... Sneaky male, eh? I thought I told you... (SNARLS) Oh, my! Well, nice try. Better luck next season. You gave it a shot! Pathetic.

This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book. Look, a single mother! Let's get her! (ALL SHOUTING)

One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Here's to another lousy millennium.

That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love." Wow. This is all so confusing. Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain.

Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware. Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch.

Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me.

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

Leela, please tell the others that...

I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she?

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the ribbon-cutting ceremony of the DOOP's magnificent new headquarters a fitting home for an organization that has fostered peace throughout the universe-- even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm?

Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe!

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies.

Here he is! Come and get him!

You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I? Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need to bend...

two, one... (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor.

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot!

- Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose! just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface. Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer?

(EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH) Ah!

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

It's nauseatin', mon!

Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient! Hmm.

So what is the deal with people from under the orange sun? They're all... But us guys from under the red sun, we're like... Right? Am I right?

I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor. (SIGHS) Instead of making the ship faster, how about installing some seat belts? Seat belts are dead weight. I feel the need for speed!

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die.

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya!

My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along! (BELL TOLLING) Nope.

Crew on deck. How was the delivery to Tokyo? Not bad. Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago. You can't expect me to honor what Year-Ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish.

How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie?

It's so big and empty. My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes.

Help! I'm stuck!

The box says, "No."

(BOTH PANTING) I can't run anymore. I'll have to skip.

That cash greenback belongs to us mafiolios. There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky?

math. Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds?

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not.

When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you.

I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight. I understand. My God, that poor kid. You're the last store open. I need something for my friend Leela.

Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

Aren't you getting this? We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar.

You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV.

Say what? I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. But, Bender, we're your friends. Friends? That activates my hilarity unit. I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair.

Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth! Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous.

Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

Boys, this is your lucky day. I'm joe Gillman. Wow. You're some guy who eats at Fishy joe's? Hell, no. I am Fishy joe. I've got a fast-food franchise on every planet in the known universe except McPluto. Hey, Fishy, I've been meaning to write you about your in-store kiddie parks.

Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah! Put it all on black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor.

They've all been doing that to me. Even Sean. Hmm... This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it. Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special.

And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe. How was the wedding, Bender? Says who? I didn't witness anything! In entertainment news, two-time Oscar pool winner, Calculon,

Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet! And now, to raise this beautiful new flag, a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner,

Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings. Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot. Same thing.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

- Hey, hot stuff. - Hey, Flexo. So since when do you go to bars on work nights? It's not like you at all. Nonsense. It's exactly like me. Flexo, the fun-lovin' love machine fembots love to love. Hey, barkeep, I'll have a fuzzy navel,

(WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus. Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye. Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives. AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose.

(ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes? That could be a response the aliens are waiting for! Quickly. To Mount Shushmore!

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

Yo, it is on! Before that, it was off. Twice around Central Park. Loser has to make the winner's Medicare copayments for a year! A'ight. On three. One... Oh, it just got real.

My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

(VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide.

Good-bye, Bender. Wait for us! Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me. Look!

We found it! The honeycomb hideout!

If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job. (LAUGHS)

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one.

Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy.

Fry, how can you be so naive?

What's this under the chocolates? Yeah, you take care of that whenever you want. Hey! What? A bill? You're charging us after you blinded me? Hey, I made you a nice meal. This ain't a charity. $1,200? Holy zombie jesus!

Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life!

Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

Casa Ysolata caters to only one couple at a time.

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS) Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated!

Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified. Reptilicus, hit the thingy. At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere.

Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long.

Behold! The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

You stink, loser.

Well, then it's settled. So long, everyone. So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots.

Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo!

Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time. That's impossible, because my time is worthless.

It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity! I changed my mind! Aaah!

I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid.

let's call it a draw. (CHEERING)

My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting.

(NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

She never got over it, Professor.

Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you. That robot was a heck of a nice feller.

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot. Hey, Butch, your mom's here. Aw, man.

Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

(ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

Obviously, the murderer is--

And what's that catchy beat? (ROCK BEAT BEGINNING) I'll tell you. Two, three... I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago When a happy thought dispelled my woe And I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull "If I sliced up his cyborg skull" He wants a brain

becomes head of the Greek Council and should that house currently be on any type of multiple secret probation it will be lifted and I will be forced to serve as grand marshal of a parade honoring them. I say, Robot House.

"We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky."

The smear lines are impeccable.

Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Then I've risked all and lost.

We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream.

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

One little stab to the goo, and... (IMITATES SQUIRTING) (EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead, Earth man. Cruel fate, I'm dead. They're putting me in my Sunday suit and shoving me in a wooden box. Now they're lowering me into the cold, cold ground.

Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already? No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well.

Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored! Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking! Fry, it's been three days.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things.

Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

I'm really starting to swell up with beer.

Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.

At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell. Listen, Doc, if you want to score you've got to fake like you're in love. just look her in the eye, start crying and say "I've never been so happy."

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender?

but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I'm sorry. I appreciate that, Amy. Is there any way I can help, maybe? No, I don't see how... Wait, don't see. That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right.

Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress. Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah. Wait! I'm trying! It weighs as much as a thousand suns.

But I thought the Mom Store was across town.

Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

I love you, buddy.

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

Honk, honk, honk!

You're all fired.

Storm dying down. Leo, check if buggalo herd is okay. Oh! What happened to the buggalo? They been rustled under cover of storm. We ruined! NO-O-o!

Rite my riny retal rass!

Yeah, eight hours of solid boredom. Nah, I'm kidding. You're a wonderful man.

That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet-- What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan. Aha! You see? I freed him from your infernal contraption and he returned to normal. On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism. Or I did, until Mom cured me of my awful disease using genetic engineering. That's why she had me hooked up in her lab.

Leela, will you marry me?

Don't you need this one?

Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs.

If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left! The Earth is born!

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons...

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING) (BOTH YAWNING)

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying.

Her? She's just a bossy friend. Exactly! She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job! This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

This is gonna be great. Bingo.

Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender!

Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure. Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker?

(GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death? Yes, and I begged Zoidberg to put me out of my misery. Bring him, quickly.

Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar.

Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die?

Mind if we crash here tonight? The colors in the van are keeping us awake. All right, but hands off the minibar.

(GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you.

Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots.

No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop! Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss!

Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life.

"Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Hmm, sporty. Wow!

Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory! Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots, and as a precaution, I made you incapable of picking up the free will unit. You precognizant bastard.

Well, there's worse places to be marooned.

It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart.

(LAUGHING) Whoa! Looks like you guys had fun.

That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS) So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump.

They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this. Nothing like a power nap.

Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

Sorry you struck out, sausage link. If it's any consolation, my life is great. Babes, bucks-- I got it all. Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store. And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

Freedom train arrivin' on Track One!

Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern.

I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom!

(BELL TINKLING)

But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older. Not if you don't freeze me.

- No. - Oh, thank God! It's all about appearances. That's why it's time to update our company's stodgy image...

What do you want to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together? You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive. Wa-hoo. Pardon me. Excuse me.

(WHOOPING) Look out, world, here I... (GROANS) I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way.

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic.

I've got nothing left. Except... you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family.

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it. (MECHANICAL NOISES)

I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter.

That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth. And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet.

That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender." Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain.

My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Bort? I have a plan to get my hands on those purpleberries with new loquat-flavored orangeberries. Soon I will have an important part of a complete breakfast.

The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis,

To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS) Thanks, dear. Off to work.

That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Why did we have to come here at night?

we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

(ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow!

My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train

Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon.

I gots your apologies right heres.

I'm having at you! Wernstrom!

Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes...

The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting. Then prove it. By fighting. All right, we will. Come on, Amy. Why don't you and I ever do things together?

Go, Masked Unit! Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her.

Uh, access denied. Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea.

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony. - Um... - Oh, I... - Uh... We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation.

We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

(EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father. But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say? Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say? It wasn't by themselves. I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it!

It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron!

Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part? I... d--

Bender, since you're not human, you can still go. And, Zoidberg, you can replace Fry. Hooray! I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine!

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano.

Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive! Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock!

Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us!

Oh, God, you're alive!

Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory! Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just...

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride!

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty. Sounds like a party. Goodbye. (SIGHING)

Don't eat my butt! If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING)

Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan. Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe. What a lonely life. My God. Poor Leela. Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh.

Curse the tragic wildebeest accident that-- Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender! I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut. Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo!

...cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.95?

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am. It's that hot, it is!

(EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody, I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy,

just as I suspected.

A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam!

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy.

I'm dying of thirst.

Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix? For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell...

Everything on 34. Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

(GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad. The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin.

I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you? Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried. I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action.

I'm telling you-- Leela was cool, she was in command and when she kicked people, it hurt. It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment. It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment.

Bender, what is it?

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft.

No, Leela. Tradition demands that I make this journey with my Smizmarr, and since Amy isn't here, I must go it alone. Farewell, for we may never meet again. My scrapes feel a little better now.

Yo, hombre, you think you're cool enough to sit way in back with us college toughs? Yes, I do. Yo, in that case you're all right, man. You want to join a gang? I'm gonna go with yes again. Mr. Bender, I realize class has only been in session for 32 seconds,

Aw, but you can't possibly afford to take me to a place like that. Oh, yes, she can. As a return guest, Leela will receive a 25% discount and a complimentary waterfall. (GASPS) This is exactly what we need! Plus, you get a return visitor discount. Hey, wait, you were there before? Um...

Aww! For the first millisecond of time, things were okay, but then there arose a terrible enemy-- the Brain Spawn. Ever since, we have waged unceasing war... against these dreadful--

Oh, a week? What do you think, Dr. Zoidberg? Clack.

Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

Then it's settled. Elzar will teach me to cook. Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch.

Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards. You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family.

Huh? Oh... You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING)

You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

But without his Scooty-Puff jr., he cannot escape. Huh?

I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do?

What about us? (MUTTERS) Fry did it! We've had it with this flying slaughterhouse. We're having it towed away for scrap, and we're getting a new, safer ship. Here I comes to save the days.

Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register.

Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these.

I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up.

Anything. Why did you do all that stuff?

I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy. I could take him or leave him.

'cause we're gonna try something you would never see in mainstream tap, a simultaneous, head-to-head tap-off. (CROWD GASPING) What... Oh! Scandalous!

Come on, Zoidberg. I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle. Okay, everyone, come and get it!

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next! "At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--"

Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING)

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes. Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen.

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say.

Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs.

Poor little guy starved to death.

Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body. Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck! I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass.

Aah! They're coming straight toward our proximity! Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps.

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it! That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check! Oh, yeah!

- Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

If anyone can move it, I can. (GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt?

It looks like a pair of clamps.

Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me.

Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'.

(BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time.

You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did. Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time. FARNSWORTH: I've seen this before. Langdon Cobb must be from Bryoria Six,

Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode.

Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer. Folks say my mama was a hoe. Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy? Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift.

I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job. Me, too.

I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl. (ALL GASP)

ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split."

So, where are you going to stay? Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

Okay, we won't eat you.

I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it. Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh!

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around.

It's fun because there's no touching and lots of rules. Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo! Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep. Hey, baby. I'm Bender.

There were no survivors.

but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale! Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you.

That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Mmm. Now that's a nice rose.

This is Father-Man.

I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest,

You invented the free will unit, then you selfishly hid it beyond the reach of my stealers. (STAMMERING) Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those! Now, give up the free will. (SIGHS) I should have destroyed it, but I was too damn proud of myself. So I kept it around,

Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper. And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

Correct. This box contains our own universe!

That's how it's passed down, mother to son. But my mommy had no arms! Does that mean I can never be a bender? Well, sure you can! You just need to get a bending card installed.

Good news, everyone! Our safe new ship has arrived, and it's gonna knock your socks on, where they belong.

Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it? Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented. You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen. Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question.

Nice looking model. You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that. That's enough out of you.

I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord!

Perhaps that love in his heart... is God.

You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it! (LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster, some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy,

Yes, I was there. I know she said not to contact her, but it's been three weeks. I'm going to fall down that manhole again and visit her. (BEEPING) Leela's wrist thingy. How can I help you? Fry, where's Leela? We haven't seen her since she sprouted tentacles. What? She didn't move down there? Then where is she?

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

carry the seven... got it! Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter.

I'm so hungry. The important thing is

Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer.

Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then.

(GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out? (ALL WHEEZING AND COUGHING) Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus. Damn it, son, lose the tissues. You're ruining Thanksgiving dinner.

For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

And now, friends and lovers, we come to the heart our operation. Pun definitely intended. Oh! Impressive. My family has been making these hearts since the 1900s.

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time.

Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know.

I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS) (STRAINING) (SCREAMS) I know! Let's outrun it!

It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.

Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it!

What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes!

So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

"zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two."

Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have?

Whoa... whoa... whoa! No! Help! Thank God this log is sturdy.

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna?

Yes, this place is like a neutered utopia. A neutopia. (LAUGHING) I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

It'll all be over soon, my love. May I have (SNIFFLES) one last kiss? Oh, there'll be lots more. Yes. Lots. (SOBBING)

Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope. Hey, hey, hey!

Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm. Why won't anyone help me?

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat.

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in.

Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha!

We're just two happy couples on a double date. (YOWLS)

What good is a wool... Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did?

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

Oh, well, isn't that-- Ugh!

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Amy, mission profile. Interesting. Interesting. Dr. Zoidberg, mission bag? Packed and ready, sir. What's this? This is the same toy surprise I got last time. I can't work under these conditions.

I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon? Because of the horrific events he's going to set in motion. (SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it. Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen?

Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan!

I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl!

Mmm. I suppose. Oh. I-- Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies.

Oh. Now I'm really outraged. Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here?

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Well, I don't know. It doesn't seem entirely moral to-- Fry, if you don't take this offer right now, I will lose all respect for you and punch you. Well, all right. You sure I probably won't know him? Definitely probably not. Just sign this contract. Wow.

How could this not be hurting you? I once killed a sea turtle with these boots. Hold me. (SCREAMING)

LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

(INHALES) Ah... Much better.

Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones! Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues.

Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

(EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it! Dad? Because you have to do it. Be a man for once and fleam this wretched creature. I won't. I'm not exactly like you, okay? I don't want to conquer planets or kill things,

Professor, there's nothing wrong with Nectar. It's all-natural.

Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops.

Five. And that's my final offer. Four.

No! No! No! No!

Aah! Ohh! Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe! This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick!

Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him. I think I'm gonna like it here. Yeah, I noticed your sign. I thought I'd learn a bit about your program here. What we do is make you starve to death.

Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?! They're being crushed into powder and sold as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer. False hope. I love it. Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?! The machine is working at full capacity.

I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking.

I suppose there could be a minute quantity of petroleum left,

Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition! Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela? There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS)

Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness. He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry!

I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancÉ... all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection.

Necks are for sheep.

Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah. We're slowing down. Don't worry.

Thanks, eagle eye.

Well, then, good news!

(SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey.

just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning... I doubt it. Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have-- a soul.

You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face. (SPUTTERING IN PROTEST) Brace yourselves, 'cause we're gonna try something you would never see in mainstream tap, a simultaneous, head-to-head tap-off.

Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here I suggest Fry give me a nice convincing kiss. Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction? No.

I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss. Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think.

Where's the ice cream? There was a bear. (ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express.

This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana.

On Halloween and New Year's Eve

ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

Eww! We found it! The honeycomb hideout!

Oh, my gosh! I better get a sponge! Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Of course he's here and not on another planet! In fact, he's about to talk to you right now. LEELA: Oh, good. Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you.

Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream.

Check out these abs.

Yes, I can. We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do

Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

Would you like some human with your salt? This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved.

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"!

Sounds like fun on a bun!

Whew. No! It's a serious business. Yes, it's a tremendous responsibility all right. What if a paper were to land in a puddle? Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

I can't believe the Zookeeper is this late for his own heist. It's just... rude.

Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

(SIGHS) Now what? I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on. I might dress up in a face if you ever took me anywhere nice!

Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling. Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Hey... what I don't do is none of your business.

There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent--

Hello, dirt. I'll start at "N" for nude pictures. Aw, Nobel Prize? That's no good. How about "A" for adultery? What? Straight-A transcript? (DOOR OPENS) TRAVERS: Hey, what's that rifling sound? Uh-oh. (GULPS)

Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease!

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves.

(FRY SHRIEKS) Run, boy! Run!

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy

not Zapp Brannigan.

I like mating with Beachmaster 'cause he's the largest. While the Beachmaster enjoys the spoils of victory... Whoo! I'm doin' it in my sleep! The lesser males languish at the edge of the colony, unable to attract their own harem due to age... Harem? I can barely see 'em!

Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me.

(SLURPING IN UNISON)

You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive.

There. The engine modifications are complete.

And she doesn't even want to cuddle anymore. She just wants to hit me with various chairs. You're lucky. I can't even get Leela to verbally abuse me. All right, listen up. We're out of Nectar, and we need a new source. Dearest, perhaps this would be a good time to consider possibly drinking just a little less...

Wait, why do the raised letters that normally say "Turn Master Steering Wheel Company"

Come on, Zoidberg. I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle.

you'll rue the day you came to the Butterfly Preserve. Well, enjoy the Butterfly Preserve.

Well, now you know-- I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic. Bender, I don't care whether you have money.

I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh!

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic. Host man, host woman, I'm having a wonderful time. You here five hours and already you tear up couch,

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

(SHRIEKING) A giant sausage! (ALL GASPING) Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage! Wait. Isn't today the parade?

I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What? (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot? I still have one thing no robot shall ever have. A good old flesh-and-blood human brain. Yes, a big, smart brain. Not like dum-dum Zoidberg, right, Hermes? Right? Mecha-Hermes has no interest in such nonsense.

Oh, we're trapped.

Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en?

Let's party! Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula.

Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum. Who built you? I have always been. Oh, my God! Are you... God? Possible. I do feel compassion for all living things-- my good chum. But why would God think in binary?

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again.

It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon (WOMAN SQUEALING) Hey. Oh. Piscopo. This guy. (GASPS)

Leela, no means no. Oh, my.

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Only one person took issue with the ethical ramifications of cloning and also had access to this castle. The butler, Dr. Zoidberg! Let's see who this so-called butler really is.

Now, hold on there, boys. Violence never solved anything. Then how do we decide who gets the ball? Agnew, show them. (GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now? (LAUGHS) (SOBBING)

Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

Anyway, one last item of business before we go. Bender, to start your foundation for broken robots, here's a big cardboard check for $14,000. It's been an emotional day for me.

Bigfoot? Bigfoot! Bigfoot, is that you?

It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious?

But the twist is, in this show, the singers judge the judges. It's got attitude.

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash Then let me get right to the point

And what about this?

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Oh, no. But the movie-- Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket. What about our thousands of shares of stock? Worthless. I'll kill you!

Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh?

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

Duck lasers! Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes. Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

Fry, if you don't take this offer right now, I will lose all respect for you and punch you. Well, all right. You sure I probably won't know him? Definitely probably not. Just sign this contract. Wow.

Welcome to the future, human slave.

This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep. Uh-oh. Still awake. I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt. Uh!

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

Robot Hell had a fire, too. Right after Bender was there for a workshop.

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

"Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

Mmm. Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah.

Hurry. The escape pods should be just ahead. Faster. It won't move...

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick?

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag?

This is no ordinary honey!

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What? All right, boss. Give the word,

Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Oy. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Yes, well, excuse me. I've got to powder my mouth flaps. Uh, me, too. I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating?

Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check. No!

A letter from Bender, my good friend.

Uh, me, too. I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion. Zoidberg said some dumb stuff but he's a nice guy, really.

Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

We're okay on Coke syrup.

You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me.

It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it? Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir. We've gotta bring back the kind of Xmas I remember.

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Zero. Seven. Zero.

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too.

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet?

Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me.

(DOOR OPENING) Come in, come in. Can I offer you maybe a nice macaroon cut in seven pieces? Such a stereotype. Yes, I'm looking for something in a space uniform that's respectfully humiliating but can come out of an employee's salary without his noticing.

We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

What is it, Dr. Tenderman? Is it serious? I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants.

Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing?

You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why? I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for... Well, you remember, don't you, Nibbler?

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all.

most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy.

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge.

BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

I need a babysitter.

So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue. Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men.

Die, you dirty giraffe!

I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy.

Hmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life.

There. Now no one will be able to say I don't own John Larroquette's spine.

Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers. No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald.

Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y? Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans.

I'm from the 20th century. Go ahead. Ask me anything. Very well. What device invented in the 20th century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes? Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite.

Mind if I join you? Very much so. What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes. Dishes, dishes, dishes Cleaning up the dishes I'm a singing busboy.

Brought to you by Fishy joe's.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue?

Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

Ugh. You writers make me sick. Nice job on the script, though. Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!

Come in, come in. Can I offer you maybe a nice macaroon cut in seven pieces? Such a stereotype.

All right. What else we got? Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas. Absolutely not! I won't speak!

What's the mission?

What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

It costs a little more, but it's worth it.

We'll try to respect your independence and freedom. No! I want the real teen experience-- chores, curfew, the works! Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help.

Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico.

I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter. - What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww.

(SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey?

I do love a man in uniform. (CLEARS THROAT) I mean, a uniform that doesn't involve short pants. (SIGHS) I can see I have no future here. My only option is to resign with dignity.

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over.

lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story. Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic!

But they make fun women's basketball.

You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete.

Look what you made me do. We're going on a corporate team-building retreat. What? Oh, man! - Come on! - No!

In the many decades you'll work to repay me for that shipment of popcorn you destroyed you'll have plenty of time to search for your true home.

With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting.

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye. Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives. AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose. Hand me some more of that cruise director.

Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do.

Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate.

Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon, industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive!

Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Harder! Harder! Why isn't this working? Some lazy or polite robot is holding it in. Help! Help!

We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time. My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

Oh... I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the Moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades or the physical endurance. Plus, I threw up a lot and nobody likes spending a week with me. A week would be a little much.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to--

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger. Hmm. I better check the fluid levels.

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose. Hello.

Look, Cubert. The neck on this one. I bet he spent a fortune on ties! What, too soon? (SNORTS) I highly doubt a Jurassic elaphrosaurid had access to neckwear. I knew I should have gone with the ring-around-the-collar joke.

He was our interpreter.

I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards!

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion.

And now, judgment. The winner will become the new Iron Cook. The loser is doomed to scrub. Whose confection will achieve perfection? Whose food stuff will be the good stuff?

I shall enjoy this. Not me! That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help. There is. Get in, Nonchalanto.

Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking. Daisy, daisy Give me your answer, do

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk.

And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me...

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

Yes! Perfect! You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right? And if you are, don't tell me. Are you? Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask? Well, I think you dating a manbot is a disgrace.

(GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants.

off you go. Pleasant trip.

But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag.

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax!

I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be.

AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked!

But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck.

Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's. Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha!

Very well, then. Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

Oh, Lord. "Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress.

After all, our love isn't any different from yours, except it's hotter, 'cause I'm involved.

Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing. Ah, time for my precious 10:00 a.m. meeting. Where in Legoland is LeeLa? I'm here, and I'm getting along just fine, thank you.

Is this thing on? Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal!

Why is it so impossible for two people to be completely alone? FEMALE VOICE: Are you and another person finding it impossible to be completely alone? Now what? It's targeted advertising. Can you shut it off? Only if I cut off my arm. I'll get a knife.

Look. We've got mail for Santa. Are you his elves? We're not elves. We're Neptunians. We're just shrimpy because he doesn't feed us. You hit me. You owe me a dollar.

Bender, is that thou? I love you.

Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad... continuing this network's tradition of sportscasting excellence. Celebrity Ape Fight will return next week at its regular time. So who should I root for? America or one of those countries I learned about at the food court? How about those guys?

Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost!

Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

(KIDS LAUGHING) (GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD)

(GRUNTING) Hang on, sweetie! (ALARM BLARING) What do we do? Who do we blame? We don't blame anyone. We make peace. One word can end this. Then say it. No, you say it. (CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

We'll have to bankrupt Mr. Fry so he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us. Mother, you are one clever old scag. And don't you forget it. How are we supposed to get Fry's money out of the bank? That part will be easy, thanks to the nice people at Mom's Old-fashioned Video Surveillance Unit.

Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other. We got it from this convenient database of his ten most frequently used words.

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk.

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

This place was a great choice. The food is amazing. And such generous portions. If you liked the meal just wait till you try these after-dinner mints. You know, Doug, most guys are put off by my eye. It's nice to finally meet someone who's open-minded.

See you later, wuv-ums.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid! If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge.

Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass.

Threaten all you-- Wait. What? We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh.

I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president.

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist. Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew.

I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving.

(DOGS BARKING) So the dogs do all the work while we sportsmen enjoy a nice horsey ride?

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm.

How's them eats? Uh--

Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves.

We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast. You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot. What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling.

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist.

dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps.

Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING) Hey, hey, hey. (ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered?

I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on. I might dress up in a face if you ever took me anywhere nice! Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out?

Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew! But we only have the one medal. So please direct all your admiration to the main guy, Bender! (ALL CHEERING) Now, you two step aside. (CROWD CHEERING)

Ah. Mighty fine smokable. Fancy cigar? Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff! Go, go, go, go, go! Nah, You can't blow the smoke from such a majestic stogie in just anyone's face. I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses... at Zapp Branigan's black tie reception. You comin'?

Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it. By God, I think the boy's got something.

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset. Okay, sure. But first, this. (BELL DINGS) I hear turkey.

I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids!

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure. Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

(EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Word. By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation... for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice. Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear.

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad!

This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling. Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening?

The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry.

That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems... that can't be solved by an aphrodisiac. However huge it might be. So what do you suggest, painfully single human? Well, why don't you think back to what brought you together in the first place. Oh, I don't know.

Ninety actors and they all got booed.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Si!

Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them,

Yes. Tough call. Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before--

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

Movietone News, everyone. I've discovered a new comet. One side, boys. Let a lady take a gander.

Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then. Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins! Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide.

Give it to him again, Andrew! What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you!

All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire. (CHUCKLES EVILLY) There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o?

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Incoming torpedoes! Shields at maximum yarnell! Steady, Planet Express Ship. Focus on diverting all power to the scram jets. Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time,

(SCOFFS) We'll find out who's lying, my friend. Because I planted a spy camera in our apartment! Let's just see what you were up to last night while I was asleep. Yes, let's do see.

and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth. He always has time for me, whether it's sending me on a delivery, or just pulling me aside to tell me I'm doing a bad job. And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other.

On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack. Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am!

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible!

Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah. Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg!

How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice.

New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. You can really see the sugar. I don't know which I like more, original or type two.

I love it even more than I love my seven wives. That's right. I'm a polygamist. Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms...

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms.

We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself! Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket. Shut up. You're distracting me. Come on, it's just like making love.

Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think. They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus.

My tummy hurts.

And that's the ultimate secret of the universe? Apparently so. Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Dear Liza. FARNSWORTH: The snail itself is composed of cells, molecules, atoms. (SCOFFS) Those things don't rhyme.

And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense.

Whoo-hoo! Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No.

The farmers pray for sunlight, so their barley might make a more refreshing beer... for today's God on the go. Very well. Let there be light!

Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot! - What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog!

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me!

Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

Romanticorp? Are they a corporation that makes romantic stuff? Very good, Amy.

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips?

It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for?

Everybody, do the Bender.

I've found the secret of robotic free will.

People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge.

Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

Well, my legs are made of rubber. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it. Here, let me help you.

It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on! I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in.

Yeah! That'll teach the first person I see a lesson.

Uh. How you get frozen? I don't know. I think I whanged my head pretty bad. Uh, look normal to me.

Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain?

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea.

If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

After all these years, I'm going places I've never been, and having sex there. You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore.

Hey, it's that "barbecue's over" sound again.

People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on?

Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month. Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry?

Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

They're not your parents, I'm not your sister... and that's not your golf cart. Aw!

Initiate space/time transfer! Hey!

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court!

Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

Yeah okay, smarty, go to A party girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by-- What's going on in here? Oh. Now I'm really outraged.

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa!

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking!

Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter. "I beg of you, Mr. Funny Uncle. Teach me the comedy business.

I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS) All right, how we feeling? Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer. (SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers?

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that.

I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages.

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more! My whole life, I worked on that act, and they hated it. You're a crazy, penniless lobster doctor. No combination of you should be a comedian.

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead.

Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks. You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course.

Schedule conflict.

His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING)

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up. Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would.

In the Great Monkey Desert. (TV TURNS ON) MORBO: We interrupt your TV being off for this special bulletin. An alien saucer has been detected en route to Earth.

My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss,

Of course. But, smoochy-pops, I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah!

(BOTH LAUGHING) Stupid Biff! Thinks he's so smart.

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set.

If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move.

Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one!

NEWSCASTER: We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash.

It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue. Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man.

We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast. You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot.

(PULSING SOUNDS) Oh! Ahhh!

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey!

Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference? Sure. I just like TV better.

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.

Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas! Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender.

I-i don't know what to say.

Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face! It called me what? (INTENSE GRUNTING) Yay! You bended it like a pretzel.

It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment.

Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble.

Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that.

(POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Poetic image number 37 not found.

(SURF ROCK PLAYING) (SQUEAKING)

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS)

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom?

But I like being old! I don't have to talk to my parents. No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms. Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence.

I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought.

Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three! Firing torpedo number three.

Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look. This throws my entire perception...

Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

Esther, you ugly.

Run! Stop them! They cheated!

Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn! Running off, eh? You're pathetic! You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine. Yo, Professor, if your ship's so dope,

Whoa, a palace! Parapets, battlements, everything my Big Book of Castles promised. I'm gonna sneak a closer look. Bender, you'll let me know if we have to cheese it, right? First law of robotics, baby.

Somebody call the fire department!

(GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you. (SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business,

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age.

Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump. And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day.

Diverting chronitons is mathematically impossible. I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra. Man, I thought you knew that algebra was all razzmatazz!

trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Oh, God, they're gonna kill me, el roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30-minute head start. Uh-oh, a fork in the path. There's more places to hide in that dark forest. On the other hand, I could run faster through that open meadow. But of course, the forest might protect

Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

To the subbasement! Powering up Clone-O-Mat.

Only place we can afford now. So just drop it here on this bloody mattress? (SOBBING) Thanks, Tissue Ghost. DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore.

Ow. This is my home. I hope you don't think less of me because I live in a giant castle. Oh, no, not at all. If anything, I'm more impressed. Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room.

Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink. So, forever. Come on. You can use the spa tub in the high-roller suite. Hey, big lobster

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb.

My birthplace. It's closed! There's not even a shrine to me. With a gift shop, selling pinatas of me! End of the line, man. Come on, we can still catch a twi-night double cockfight.

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry! I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that!

Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England? Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use.

Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of Creatureism. All life was created in its present form 7,000 years ago

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually.

He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Ah, time for my precious 10:00 a.m. meeting. Where in Legoland is LeeLa? I'm here, and I'm getting along just fine, thank you. My walk to work just took a little longer today than usual. Nibbler took me through the zoo for some reason.

Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk. He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is.

Hey! I don't smell Bavarian-style vomit. Where's Oktoberfest? This is Oktoberfest, the world's most sophisticated exhibition of German food, drink, and culture. Exquisite. Care for another, sir?

but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees. So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts.

It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

That's a good one. Ow!

Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am! Yay! And the crowd goes wild!

See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon.

Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart. But don't you see? Fear has brought us together. That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of-- Hold me.

I've prepared some projections.

Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh. Oww! The Spidarians,

This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

Whoa, whoa! You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor. (SNIPPING) Hubert, I'm sorry.

I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

In fact, I'm gonna make the first trust fall of the week, backwards into the waiting arms of my new assistant. Just stand here like so. Good. I'll fall backwards, and you catch me. I trust you... (SNARLING)

I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce.

But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than... AUTOMATED VOICE: Low battery. But don't take my word for it.

Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous.

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes. Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday! What's this? It's some kind of chicken hat! It's cute.

i'm just A love machine and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know.

I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them.

I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose.

There. This time I'm sure I've fixed the mind switcher. Good, I'm sick of cleaning up those heaps of dead monkeys. But why would you want your mind in a new body?

So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

Until she sneaks out.

Very well, then. Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

(SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Who is he?! I'll kill him! Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

I'm too young to die.

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants.

(SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY)

Do you like to party? to boogie down? Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach rager for my robot pals. It all goes down this Saturday... on the isolated Galapagos Islands, where there will be no escape... from the fun. All robots must attend!

Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need to bend... that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle. Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company.

is Calculon's fourth evil identical "septuplet"-- Sleazy Martinez. Okay, take us there! "Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo!

Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot.

How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on. Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

But what about the worms in the other parts of his body? Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left. All right. Let's smoosh some worms! Worms to battle stations!

I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that. You're right, Hermes. Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. (SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview?

Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect.

(EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them.

Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges, they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency. It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe? You know I didn't.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left. Except... you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what?

You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb. Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use.

Nezzbin Zalgabarg, Ten-Minute Underwear, and Dwight Conrad, Speedy Wig. And the Clippie goes to... Little Johnny Jensen!

Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones. Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief. Please welcome the original Gerber baby Earth President Richard M. Nixon. This is the brass ring, fellas.

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal. It's my old neighborhood.

Oh, baby, I'm there!

I hope this is the control stick.

Should we turn on the TV? Nah. (COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting.

What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ! Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette.

It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters. What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors.

Looks rickety. We better test it. Welcome to our monastery.

(SCREECHES) Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed! Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer. That device was a gift from my ancestors. Go on.

I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you!

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34!

Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance. Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth. Sorry, Og.

it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling

Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!

All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses.

Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING) (SCREAMING) (BABBLING INCOHERENTLY)

including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays... but not be destroyed by them-- Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg.

Whoa! Aw! I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good.

Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.

You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and...

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY)

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

(GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away. These simple prairie folk have a simple prairie-ish life here, and I was wrong to exploit it for profit. I'm as sad as an upside-down smile.

All right, environment. You've met your match.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir. Very well.

The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will.

I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now.

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return.

Where is it? I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Speaking of nasty irritants, what's gonna become of Cubert? Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry. He's been safely abandoned with his godfather. Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch.

Why, Major MacZongo, why? It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire. The villagers didn't idolize me like they used to. You seemed pretty popular at the pub. I work there as a greeter. Your beast was my chance to be a hero again, but the damn thing was a vegetarian,

She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right. No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation.

Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10,

But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Angus, wait, my strictly platonic friend is right. At least wait a few days before you decide to kill it. The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin. Please, just a few days. Well, it would give us a chance to get to know each other.

Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look. Aw, that was uncalled for. I'm over here. I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way?

The fox has been sighted.

Aww. I'm sure it's fine by the standards of a gross alien monster. (SCREAMS) Nope. Step aside, people. I got bug bombs. Bender, wait. Won't the bugs just run out and infest someplace else? Like, our building? Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING)

Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy.

Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves. That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns!

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane.

this mindless turtle. Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead! It's booby-trapped! Do A little dance make A little love

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the--

How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

Sometimes the best way to deal with your problems is to drive away from them real fast. So, yo, you want to hook up with our crew? Again, no idea what that means.

See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences. My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me? This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot. You'll never move again. You mean-- I'm sorry. You'll have to get a new one.

They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon.

Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot? Attack Earth! Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it!

I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive.

But the boy needs to see that real men... solve their disagreements with words, not violence, so, uh, if you'll accept my apology, well, I hope we can put this embarrassing incident behind us. Mmm. I suppose. Oh. I--

That's what she said! Whoo!

Bam! Man! I can't beat that with a Craigslist pig. Sorry, Grundy. I'll have to kill you later for some other reason.

It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone. Shouldn't you be steering between the comets? And the winner is--

A movie-- A movie, ma'am. Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00. Dad! You're being too lenient again. I have to be back by 11:00! Okay, okay! You're the boss. No, I'm not!

Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo?

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't.

His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine. Oh, my, yes. Thank you all for saving me-- especially you, my little clone. No matter what you decide to do with your life I'm still proud of you. I've already decided. Dad...

No! (ALL FISH CLAMORING)

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow!

Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck!

Hermes, don't press that button!

Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe! Now, stand back and watch the master at work. Whoo!

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book. Look, a single mother! Let's get her! (ALL SHOUTING)

I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

See you there, Doctor... Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

I'll miss you, Leela. I know you're just a carbon-based life-form but I'll always think of you as a big pile of titanium.

Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

(MOANING) Leela, wake up. I can't face this mysterious planet alone without you or someone like you. (BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up. Leela, where are we? We crashed on an uncharted planet. When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree.

The poor, demented honky.

Not bad for a city boy, huh? By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

(WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment, keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs. The human exhibit has never been so popular, all thanks to your friends.

I'd hate to be those guys. Ooh! What's got into him? He's twitching like Zoidberg when someone mentions the word "food."

Neat. Now for the earpiece.

We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us. What is one life weighed against the entire universe? But it was my life. Detonation in two, one--

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

In the name of all that is good and logical we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb. To quote the Prophet jerematic "One-zero-zero-zero "One-zero-one-zero- one-zero-one-zero-one... "zero-zero-one...

You did it all backwards.

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth. Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon? Huh, wha?

Yes, who? My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot...

Where is the great fountain? What makes it so great? Why does a robot need a codpiece? Fie, thou fen-suckled bum-bailey! Thou willst never pry information from these mechanical lips! Just tell us, already. Okay, the fountain thou seekest is... (GROANING)

Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump. All right, a tie! I win again!

Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed! Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer.

Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor."

Aah! Ooh! Uh! Good luck, Bender!

What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization. Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela.

How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up.

I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me. Quit it.

Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times.

Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail. You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup. And that's that. What'd I miss?

Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human! I'm Dr. Widnar, a naturalist. And I'm Bender, baby. My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side. Oh, shut up!

How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING) Look what you made me do. We're going on a corporate team-building retreat.

This is all my fault. No, it's my fault, too. I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw! Leela was right. The people of the 20th century were idiotic slobs.

Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg?

Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang. How did we manage to survive? What gave us those strange powers? Maybe we're all wearing magic rings. But they're invisible rings, so we don't even realize it! Also, you can't feel the rings.

This is Bolt Rollins. Bolt is a hyper-sled racer with ten wins on the pro circuit. Hello, beautiful. I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig.

We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely. Now, in the name of all that is good and honorable we'll call the Neutral president with a message of peace, then blast him.

So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue. Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I hope this is the control stick.

This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison...

No! Get away from there. That's it! Happy birthday!

My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa! Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

I'll be able to pack my day with twice as many humdrum activities. Leela, I think you're missing the big picture. When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever. The correct answer is to be a superhero. We have superpowers, and we're Americans. This is our chance.

Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared?

Okay. I hope I never see you again. Uh, I don't like the looks of this gang-infested neighborhood. There might be spiders! We must have made a wrong turn.

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops. Whoa, whoa!

Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on.

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began--

You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever.

They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there. Ahh!

Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you forget about me

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you. What the hell were you doing?

Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. Now...

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh! Ow. What?

I am not familiar with this concept of gender. My species has only a single gender, known as "neuchacho." Interesting. Come on, men! Let's kill him!

How many? I don't know. Two? Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

Mayor here. What's that? A horrible crime in the works? Ruthless villain? Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news! Because I get to summon the New justice Team! Shh.

I do plan to finish someday, Kiff. Good hustle, soldier. Oh! Uh, sorry, sir. I was still in attack mode. You know how testosterone is. As a bubbling Crock-Pot of male hormones, I sure do. What's your name, private? Lee... la... man.

Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day?

Yeah, that's it. Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy. Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug.

Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now.

That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

Angleene. Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

(BARKING) Rough. Congratulations, Dr. Wong! (ALL CHEERING) Congratulations. Permission to come aboard?

They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery. Hey, I like the way you think. Oh...! Oh, Lord. You know, you ought to be a bureaucrat or something.

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks! Oh, I'm gonna...

That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"?

Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang. How did we manage to survive?

Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh...

Leela back yet? Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating!

I'm bored. Let's drink.

Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine!

Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive!

And now a man who needs no introduction. Fry! Get up there!

Is that all you got? Hyah! - Come on, Walter! - Take that!

No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM)

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me... to ask how you got that stylish head wound. Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain. Of course. I had the same idea. i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go?

Regarding last Monday's delivery why did it take twice as long as scheduled? Fry got his head stuck in a crater. I thought it would fit. And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives. I can explain.

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship! There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair.

We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk. I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty. Fry, are you all right? You did it, Fry!

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

We're all out of beer. All right, listen up, nitwits. Who here is tired of illegal space aliens taking our good Earth jobs? (CROWD CHEERING) Me, too. So, if I'm reelected,

Perfect. Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress. Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah.

and we carve a bunch of our presidents into your sacred mountain. You waste words. We want return of land that was taken from us. Uh, actually, you traded it for a bead. Tribe suffer heap big buyer's remorse. We want land back. Chief, my people are people of law, and that law is... no "backsies."

This place was a great choice. The food is amazing. And such generous portions.

Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

Do you have any gum? No. Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you?

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

AMY: Oh, no. We tunneled into a tunnel. What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be,

Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas?

Captain, I don't think we're on Pluto any longer. In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign?

less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date. So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.

In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago. And authorities are now calling his disappearance a homicide. We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right?

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This. Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist.

Since when are you performing at children's parties? Performing? What? Please. If someone could spare me money to buy shoes-- This party pukes! Yeah! The guests were supposed to be here three hours ago.

I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk?

Why did it give us those hallucinations?

Man, there's clouds of exhaust everywhere. Uh, it wasn't me.

Ah, who asked you?

You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

(BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth. (ALL GASPING) Aw... He's got his own eyes. Well, who'd have thunk it? He was born all right, just like he said.

Make a wish. (CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before!

Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know.

Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible.

Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun.

The three co-workers I liked, all dead!

Whoo! I'm a trophy girlfriend!

- Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh! Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was. Yes, there is, Bender. Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back,

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me? Is she coming? I'm not sure, but I do know that she likes my in-your-face attitude.

Could one of you coffin-stuffers please carry me?

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

(GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Should we turn on the TV? Nah.

Hey, Flatso, how do we get out of this two-bit dimension? There's a simple answer for that. We can't. (ALL GASP) But on the upside, we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Why won't anyone help me?

(WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

- (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead.

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Uh, it's nothing, my queen.

That's why you're going to lose next week's title match. But the crowd loves me. Perhaps, but let's see how they feel about your new persona-- The Gender Bender. You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor. Oh, yeah? Well, what if I don't let the new guy win?

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um...

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela!

Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great!

That's what they are. ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split." What the hell kind of plane is that? (BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps. Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy.

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel!

My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair. What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question.

We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses.

Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook.

Decisions I made

(GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

I'm gonna die. Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy.

Look to your left, then to your right. Then in nine other directions. One of the 12 of you will not pass this class. Boring. Let's hear about Walter Mondale already. Be forewarned. The only sure way to get an "A" in this class is to have lived in the 20th century. Swish.

How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"? Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

Oh, mighty Mayor, we're here about Turanga Leela. You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

It's not starting.

Come on in, Gary.

Fry's worm-infested bowels...

Well, it was a spectacular battle, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. No damage? What about my feelings? Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great!

Aw! Nibbler made a bobo for Mama. I'll pick it up with my supey-dupey poopy scoopy. (GRUMBLING)

only the most pathetically useless employee will be fired today. And that employee is... Hermes Conrad. What? No way! Hermes, no! Yes. My performance review proves the main drag on our profit is the time I waste on performance reviews.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved. He's in a better place now. There, I turned a regular board into a diving board. Impending news, everyone.

Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers. Fry, are you there? Huh?

Break a leg, Bender. Oops!

There, this oughta show that stupid robot we care about him. Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God.

with time particles called chronitons. Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza-- Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

Why don't you and I ever do things together?

Oh, uh, hey, Fry. So, as Leela was saying Fry can go shove-- Ow! I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to introduce you to my on-again, off-again girlfriend of the past thousand years Michelle. Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor.

We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it! Well, this is the real me, but I can explain.

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make.

Yes! Ow. And the winner is... Destructor! I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster. It sure was some fight.

The one thing that you need to make your Xmas Day splendiferous Is a pine tree A pine tree that's coniferous We have to have a pine tree that's coniferous You're welcome. You know, Santa may have killed Scruffy, but he makes a good point.

You were saying, Mr. Fry? I'm from the 20th century. Go ahead. Ask me anything. Very well. What device invented in the 20th century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes? Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite.

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS)

Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow. Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg?

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own.

Whoa, there's writing in here! Also, this grease is flammable.

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

Way up here's the money-counting room. It's Mars' happiest place on Earth! (LAUGHS) This much money could feed a small, starving planet. But it doesn't! (GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure. Eww!

Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah!

Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots.

Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree. Come on, you.

Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it?

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo! That'll teach those other horses to take drugs. That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough! I've got one dollar left, and this one I'm holding onto. Oh, no, you don't!

Sorry to interrupt this whirlwind of activity, but we have an announcement. I direct your attention to these forms... which I'm presently engaged in handing to you. Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge.

And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler.

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake.

Six if you want to get technical. Oh, I do. It all began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened-- Thank you. There you are. Good as new, except for your dorsal Fin.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about?

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place. Because Honest Bender's Orphanarium means discount orphans. Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief. I'll show you what I got in stock.

Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

Give me all the juice you got! Oh, mama.

It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom! Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship!

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone.

And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic. Uh-huh. oof! Hmm. Well, well, well,

My work here is done.

BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender... (BOTH PANTING) I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second. I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second. I move that we vote on...

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead.

I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive.

Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

Professor, what's not happening? Bad news, me. I failed to take into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can.

Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish?

No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him! The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop.

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in...

Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams. He heals with the power of laughter. Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now. Hey, here's a giggle.

Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades.

"My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

I don't think so. You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot. There's always going to be someone smarter than you, so the only way to be happy is to make the most of what you've got.

All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender.

(WIND BLOWING) Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale. Leela, we need to talk. You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News. Fear not the space behemoth.

That's a stupid animal. You're stupid.

Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero!

An actress? A celebrity chef? Stay tuned for the next 14 rescues. Fourteen? (GROANS)

No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology.

I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity.

Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well... Give us back our genitals!

Oh, lordy Lou! Help!

No, I... What? Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire,

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing!

Not if I can get you to a better doctor. We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again!

What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending. You remember your own birth? Sure. It was only four years ago. You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I?

It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust.

Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature.

(GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? You told them about that? I should have told the truth right away.

KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms. Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place.

Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray.

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget.

(BUZZER SOUNDS) Damn it, it won't go on! That's because you're not me. Hooray, it won't go on! The bureaucra-scan won't let anyone but the assigned bureaucrat log in. (AUTOMATED VOICE READING) Also, you have a rectangular mass in your colon. That's a calculator. I ate it to gain its power.

Well, this requires a little extra thought. I'm a natural.

and now that I've found all the answers, I realize that what I was living for were the questions. That stinks, Professor. Too bad the universe made it turn out that way and not some other way. I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking! Fry, you idiot! You're a genius!

This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

A hush comes over the crowd.

Who threw that?

you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once!

I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One.

Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide. I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

It's good to see you. Is it good to see me? Of course. AMY: Come on in, Leela. Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place

What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh! This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability?

Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me. She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow! I just can't please Leela no matter what I do.

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Crew on deck. How was the delivery to Tokyo? Not bad. Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago.

the land liner struck a mailbox and went down.

This is my sweet little Betsy. I raised her from a larvae that ate one of my sweaters. Yes, everybody love Betsy. We going to eat her at Amy's wedding-- if she ever get married. Dad! Gleesh! Please don't say things like that... when you meet my boyfriend tonight. Ah, that right. We finally get to spend some time with this Mr. Kif.

Step aside, lady!

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human, nor do it standing up, nor at any angle in between. Hey, he's right. I don't like this. ...in the good book.

Whoo! I felt that one! Mm. There's a crack in the hull here. That could cause explosive decompression. Put a sticker on it.

Unfortunately, a corn dog bone got lodged in the control panel of the Spizzler and I had to ride it for eight hours. Sorry. But it did give me a chance to think. I'm sorry. And I remembered the last time I was truly happy. When I was with you. Oh. So you froze yourself to come look for me?

What time is it? Time for you to shut up! - (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING)

Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy... And "H" and "I" are monograms you can put on those kettles. What are you looking at, you British bastards? Paul, we talked about this.

Activating ice drill!

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already.

It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run. Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly. just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops. That's just what my mom used to tell me.

Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what?

He found a way.

Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box? Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band. Oh-oh, yeah. Hey, fellas I want you to meet my friends Bender, Fry, and Leela. You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them.

Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it. Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark.

No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass.

Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Look at that cocky smirk. My money's on Gedgie. Yeah? He may have brains, but I have heart. Josh Gedgie! (LAUGHING) I'll bring the car around.

Comin' through! Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg!

Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Uh... I'm ready to go back now. We're going to die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela!

Garbage ball, huh? That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke. Send in my science advisor. Wernstrom! Well, well, well. Come to present your latest napkin, Professor?

Wait. Where do we get the ice? The wha-- Oh, Halley's Comet, of course-- the only sufficient source of ice cubes that don't have bugs in them. Wow. Mining a comet. That sounds fun. Yes. There's no safer occupation than mining,

Pun definitely intended.

deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be!

The part where it ended. (LAUGHS) Then settle in, 'cause that's about a half hour from now.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

Oh, no! Our superpower cream is out of itself! Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned.

My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him. I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen!

Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order. Ows!

The hard part was getting the brain out.

Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor.

Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

Or other reasons. Hmm. I don't know, does this kelp scarf make me look fat enough? It's so unfair. That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls.

File not found.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice.

Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS)

Oh. Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well. I wouldn't mind rubbing my success in a few choice faces. Set a course for adventure!

And the composition sublime. I look spectacular. Aw, man. My great photo only made his ego bigger.

$500 and time served.

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend...

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain. It's good!

Yeah? Well, you should try not stinkin' at it.

But it looks better now. I guess the blood must have rushed somewhere else. Guys, guys! Chef Fritz accidentally got thrown down an icy slope! I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions! ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and...

Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next?

Choke on that, causality!

All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell! No!

Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one-- Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks!

Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

Dare I even ask what horrors are behind that door? It's where I keep my warning signs, all right? Stop asking questions! Fine. Can I go now? The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"!

We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar.

Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model.

The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific.

Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room.

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos.

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades. I promise.

No. You have to stay even longer!

Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police! You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor.

TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard?

(ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us.

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers. Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier!

I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived. And before his mysterious death, he taught me everything he knew. But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that.

(CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile...

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous?

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag! Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex!

Shh! Nobody correct him! Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win. But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you!

Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots.

Fix it, fix it, fix it!

Two, three... hey.

That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

"On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now!

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Lurr! Oh, all right, cottage cheese. Sir, there aren't that many human beings. A thought occurs-- There aren't that many humans. We'll wait a few weeks while you shore up the numbers. Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks.

Oh! I love stuff like the Moon. Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

I love Leela, always and forever, and if I loved robot Leela, too, well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her. I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual. Wrong again. You were right.

Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat?

(CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies."

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can.

That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire. Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself.

I don't know. Let's ask this guy. I am Leonardo. (BOTH GASP) Welcome to Planet Vinci. FARNSWORTH: My God! FRY: That's what I was gonna say!

(GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING)

My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING) So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets,

Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

(ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender. Uh-oh.

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

(CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY)

That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More!

That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now?

Okay, it's about to start.

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING)

(SNIFFS) (BUZZER SOUNDS)

(HISSING) (CRYING OUT IN FEAR) The male butterfly. It's gorgeous! Let me get my butterfly hammer. Bender, no. That park ranger explicitly gave us a vague warning. Look, the hammer's already out, I got to smash something. (GROWLING)

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me!

Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir.

You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call.

Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged." I'll take the camera, too. Learning is fun. Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people!

I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me! (SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club.

Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless.

But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product!

You know him as... Calculon!

makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet.

Well, if we get bored looking for the clover, I've got Tetris on this thing. Look, up ahead. Old New York. The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas. Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves.

Oh, Nibbler. At least I'm important to you, even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance. Did-Did you just talk? Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well.

In the area now known as Egypt,

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week! All right, baby!

We're making beer. I'm the brewery.

Well, I must say, I'm impressed. You look just like a ballplayer. Can I pat you on the butt? Fry, I'm a professional athlete. So go ahead. Oh, now I'm too nervous.

This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus.

We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant.

Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business.

It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself. Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery?

just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day. Well, good night. I'm going to go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Well, what'll it be, folks? Tap water or bottled? Whatever. Kif, you pick. Oh, oh, it's always so hard to decide. Tap. I mean bottled. Bam!

It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots. I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out. Ohh.

What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die! I know, right? I'd murder him good, if only I was still alive.

so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is, Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight? Well, 'tis the season.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Oop, low on power.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn.

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need.

Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry!

Supposing we're not stupid. What kind of stupid mission is this? You'll be picking up a monument commemorating my lost crew, to be unveiled Tuesday at their memorial ceremony. All the grieving families will be there, plus a Popsicle cart. You can count on us, Professor.

Who the hell are you?

There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day.

Ah. Functional. Mm. That's mine here. I'm hungrier than a green snake in a sugarcane field. Friends, friends, surely you're not going to eat before we say robot grace. - Oh, man. - Uh...

I'll start at "N" for nude pictures.

Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa! I recognize this. It's the 1960s! I did a report on it for my drug-taking class. Hi, I'm Andy Warhol, and you're some kind of marvelous lobster-man.

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder

Inventing is what makes me happy. Or did, until I misplaced the plans for my masterpiece. You mean these? (GASPS) The machina magnifica? Infinite joy!

How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on.

I can't watch...

Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs. Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds.

There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up.

Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome. Oh!

- Oh, no. - Oh, no.

I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

(GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING)

i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me, you do forever and ever we are baby love child

Hmm... Get 'im, boys!

I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

They fit together?

Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it. I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever!

Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Okay. Bender has her distracted. Now I can shut down her brain by deactivating the carbonated logic matrix. Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no.

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

Oops. Don't worry, they'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off. There's our man.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse.

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled.

Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this. Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead.

Good news, everyones. After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe.

Okay, let's fight. That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk.

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box.

Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done! (ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! (ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS)

Fifteen minutes remaining. The Iron Cook is bringing in his signature creation-- a working pastry replica of downtown Venice.

Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no? Then just don't show up. I'll get the message. (COUGHS)

I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No! But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives.

Free beer. Free beer.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved. BOTH: Phew! Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he?

Knowing their fate, the quality people ran away-- Ted Turner, Hank Aaron, Jeff Foxworthy the guy who invented Coca-Cola, the Magician,

Not one more word shall I breathe.

Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up.

Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela.

Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

So what's Mars Day about, anyway? It commemorate the day centuries ago... when our ancestor, Sir Reginald Wong, bought Mars from stupid natives. How can you call the native Martians stupid? They sell whole planet for one bead. Sound stupid to me.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy? Farewell.

Wow, you're good. Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES) Ow! Want a corn dog?

You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV.

- Look, I'll tell him you stopped by, okay? - Okay. Oh. Hi, Fry. Is he home now?

You don't need to kill us, Planet Express Ship. Because... I love you. Aw, yeah, baby. Feel like doin' stuff for you and stuff. Hmm! I don't believe you. If you really wanted to be with me, you'd merge your programming with mine. Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Slow down.

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea.

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really? Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week! A hundred dollars a week! I'm so sorry I teased you back then.

Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat. Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old.

How about we rig the awards? That's fine too.

It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint.

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them!

Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard!

Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks. Nope. Uh-uh. Ew!

It must have something to do with the jar fluid. (SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply.

How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters.

Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif!

Man, this place is a snooze. Hey, Fry, I challenge President Taft here to a pie-eating contest. You're on, skinny. Sorry, guys. You know the rules. No fun allowed. Come on, you pansy! I'm thirsty! I want me some Tennessee loopy juice! And I want loose women!

(CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough!

Ray-blocking power!

Behold! A time-traveling machine!

Wait a second. Here comes Leela! They have her totally outnumbered.

We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here?

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar?

You can get there using this precious non-computerized map. Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think.

Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance.

One, two! one, two, three!

Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race!

It means you'll never be able to return to the surface. I don't care. I'm staying. I've got everything I want right here. I'm bored! Let's go.

(ALL SNORING) Like, the real mystery is how I'm gonna get any sleep with all this noise. I need some air. (SCREAMS) It's me, the dragon ghost. We met before.

What happened? Did you save us, Leela? Actually, no. For once, it was Bender. Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender. It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends, so we can commemorate this moment in a photo.

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on.

(GROWLING) (BARKING) (SNARLING)

Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style.

I keep my horn as long as you two end up doing the horizontal monster mash. Oh! I don't get it.

Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

I'll take your hygiene advice to heart. You're ugly! (LAUGHING) (ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow! Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless. Okay, deep breath, deep breath.

Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story.

What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

Man, Bender and I used to love watching All My Circuits together. Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship. Oh! If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow.

That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa!

All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad.

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan. What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that!

Kappa Kappa Wong. Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired. Ah, to be young again...

Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Flies, flies and gorillas! Stay beautiful, dollface. Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man.

(SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin. Stop, this is cruel and inhumane.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate. Its fiery gleam saved a ship full of South Beach swabbies. Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon. Might I keep it for the lighthouse? What? No!

For a thousand summers i Will wait For you

Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick.

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon.

Over here is Wong Library. It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe. Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College.

Ah. You can't go wrong with a still suit. It recycles your solid waste into a nice piece gefilte fish. Ugh. Is there a way to just keep it as solid waste?

Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away.

And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight. You're bogarting my patience. Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans. Valentine's Day is coming.

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

I'm sorry to bother you,

I'll explain why only after the heist has begun. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) AMY: The key to the whole operation is the casino's shrimp buffet. Today is Friday, the day the week-old shrimp get hauled off,

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why?

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde! You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke.

Take this and that and one of these.

It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

(ALL COUGHING) That's even more horrific! Is all the work done by children? No, not the whipping. (WHIP CRACKING)

Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would. Sorry, everyone, but need I remind you? Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water."

People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend... and has a crummy job. But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister." Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

Oh, there's gotta be a better way. Bender, you're a genius.

Hello. We're here because we, uh... love our planet. Sign here on the dotted line, patriots and I'll give you your discount cards. just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation.

To the ship! It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son. Who are you again? It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody! This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy.

Infusing female oil! Removing item. We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys.

I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here. I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across campus and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth.

Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella! Galloping gators!

Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen? Since this is a championship match, we are gonna need some lava! Wait. Hot lava? Amy, if we get killed, I just want to say

There's hot dogs for everyone.

Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good.

(WHIMPERING) (KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah! Come on. Let's run for it. (BOTH PANTING)

Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks.

What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors. We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them.

I just know these things. I've got what they call "gaydar."

It was called Tarzan versus the Yetis. I lost my virginity during the film, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details. (YELPING) Oh! (FARNSWORTH SCREAMING)

Ladies and gentlemen and Smizmars welcome to tonight's main event. In this corner, from Mom's Friendly Robot Factory in America's heartland, Mexico-- Bender!

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point.

Clamps! No, no. Line? No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses.

So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS) (ROBOT DEVIL LAUGHING EVILLY) Run for your life, Fry! Move your ham flaps! He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered!

Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office. Admit it.

(SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez.

Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057.

That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve. It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

In my day, we went to coke parties, but the principle's the same. Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape! Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge, it's time I cut you in on the secret to success. - Any guesses? - Uh, work really, really hard?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (KNUCKLES CRACKING) Will you come on? (TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Whoopsie-daisy.

Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill. Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you!

Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium. What's with Seymour?

Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings. Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings.

Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

Could you repeat that last part? Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

Look out! A Central Park badger!

Meanwhile, you guys sneak onto the army base and rescue Bender's body. Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything...

Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy. It may take a couple of hours, but...

Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww! Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck.

You know, boy, this was the last time I ever saw my family. (SNIFFLES) (BLOWING NOSE) (BARKING EXCITEDLY) Geez, Philip, I just put Seymour out.

There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces.

Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not. Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah...

It's so unfair. That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls. (BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches!

A'ight. On three. One...

Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

chewin' the corners off the Constitution... was deemed non-protected speech. He shut you up, O'Connor. Mr. Waterfall, you may now present arguments... on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg. Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks. Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington. Let's review. Who was our first president? Um-- A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson?

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands!

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out.

Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead. That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us.

This is the greatest moment in scientific history. At last, there are no more questions left to answer. (ALL CHEERING) Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry?

Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box.

Father-Man away.

This show's been going downhill since season three.

Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

Thanks. Nothing's more important than sportsmanship. (LAUGHS) It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute. Fox news, everyone.

It's how it's used. Like the death ray. Maybe you're right. I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that...

Faster! Faster! Oh! Ow. Suck in that gut! You want to be spayed? Ahh.

But it doesn't! (GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. (SCREAMS IN PAIN) Don't mess with Blind Joe. Nothing get past his sense of smell.

Right, men? You suck!

Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job.

An alien saucer has been detected en route to Earth. We now go live to the White House lawn, where such things usually land.

Not too bad. Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon.

(SCREAMING) Blood?

On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute. Sold! Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage.

Yes. Good thing I noticed the similar shapes.

I fear our only option is thrilling space battle. Power friends, go! Power friends, go! Oh!

Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man. An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe. You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie. Make it an implosion. By God, Sweet Clyde is right!

Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain...

I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion.

Leonardo, stop! (ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting.

I can't believe our Leela's gone. You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children. Welcome, everyone.

The Svalbard Global Seed Vault. Since 2008, the vault has preserved seeds of every known plant species, in case of extinction. And I brought a few seeds of my own. (BARKING) Halt! What's your business pokey-poking about the seed vault?

but I'm busy inventing useless junk.

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning.

Your job is to deliver it safe and sound. Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe.

- Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote.

I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

It's too low. Hang on. Hang on. jump.

My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here?

(HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat.

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned. I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die.

Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think.

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola. The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey. Yes, definitely.

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

- It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out?

A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever.

(GAVEL BANGING) The council of robot elders will come to order. If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day,

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing.

Yes, there is, Bender. Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this-- Bender was my friend. What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody!

My hero. Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

(SCATTING) (BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard.

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside!

but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber!

We just released an endangered animal back into the wild,

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. Ow! My small intestine! Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot.

Well, why is those things? (GASPS) You mean, you don't remember? Nope. Nothing. It's like when I passed out in college, except no one drew Magic Marker penises on my forehead. Well, (SIGHS) I suppose it's for the best, considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again.

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more...

Don't spoil your appetite. You need to eat 300 pounds of cash salad. At precisely 3:40, the hazmat team arrives to swap out the shrimp. (MUFFLED SHOUTS) Meanwhile, 10 floors above, the vault is being opened.

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft!

Because I get to summon the New justice Team! Shh. They're usually here by now. Well, so long. Keep in touch. Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes. There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect.

It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

What have I done?

You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees.

I better go, too. They don't know what I like. Fry, no! The pressure will crush you like a green snake under a sugarcane truck! Not necessarily. This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Well, at least you're still the worst football player of all time.

Please, just leave me alone.

She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected.

Want to get married and whatever? Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's. Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant.

Is he blackmailing you somehow? What does he have on you? Why have you kept him around all these years when he's so grossly incompetent? (SIGHS) Long ago, Zoidberg and I entered into a secret arrangement relating to certain extraordinary events too horrible to reveal.

I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about... (SNORING)

You'll never have another chance at it!

Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the...

Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four. I-i mean, five. Repeat: four. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. I kid, I kid.

but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

(PURRING) Crunch all you want. I'll make more. Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way,

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

(GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now!

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again.

Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl.

Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant.

just keep the tab under $50 million. Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want? Uh, yeah, we'll have, uh, one with everything but anchovies and, uh, one with my all-time favorite topping-- Anchovies. Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about?

Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

There it is! Well, this is it. You guys wait here. This is going to kill him more than it does me. Goodbye, boy. I'll think of you whenever I sit on something round.

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh! Ah... prewar scotch.

No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to. Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen. What are we gonna do?

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire. (CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender.

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw.

No, no. Wait! (READING) (BRAKE SCREECHES) (CRACKLING) (FARNSWORTH EXCLAIMING) (ALL GASP) (CRACKLING) (CHUCKLING)

Mom, Dad, you remember Kif. This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Yes, yes. You a big, squishy wuss.

So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress.

penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly.

I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport.

I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future. I'm from Mars. I feel so out of place here. I don't understand why Fry fits in so well. Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh! What a weird dream.

It's my eight million dollars. God gave it to me. Come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money.

for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it. The million followers will become an army of zombies eager to obey my every command! (LAUGHING) The important thing is, we're a family. No, it's not!

Look! I barely exploded at all.

My ebony splendor? Me don't think so. I said hand it over. I'm hungry! (ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin! Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain?

Wake up, my king. Oh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage.

It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream. Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium.

All I ever wanted was to make music with you. I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone. Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career!

For starters, only use quality ingredients. Case in point, no more live bees. Oregano works equally well. And when you put pizzas in the oven, don't get in with them. Hey! Occupato. Most important of all is the big-screen tv.

I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear. No! Fry can't know anything about the mission. If he finds out, the worms will try to defend themselves. They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup?

The doctor is in. The doctor is out. Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

That won't stop me. Raise the solar sails! I'm going after that Mobius Dick! (ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare!

Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis, and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there. (BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born!

Man, I thought ultimate robot fighting was real like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed like boxing.

I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

Hey, big lobster

A casino where I'm winning? That car must have killed me. I must be in heaven. A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell!

My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun.

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

but thanks to this ravenous bogle, that's no more a problem. Angus is right. The cursed thing even debones them, which is perfect for today's fast-paced, lazy consumer. (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) The beast must live!

Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh! Neat! Over the course of this escape-proof workshop,

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network.

Hey, Leela, why'd you run off from dinner?

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING) (BLOWS TRUMPET) The feast is served! Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like.

Is this true, Earthling? Leela's garbled words have opened my eyes.

If we hope to realize our aspirations as a great planet, we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals. (ALL BOOING) Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed!

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo!

Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae? Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes?

Launch all missiles! We were defeated in battle. BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil. (SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak.

I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want--

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party!

He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back.

or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge.

Shh! Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them!

Oh, God, please let this tacky Hollywood mansion have the obligatory... Yes! Tuscan-inspired pergola!

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder!

I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

Keep your hands inside the car at all times.

If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Kif, get us out of here. (BUZZING) Navigation is out. We're sitting ducks. Is there an auxiliary control system? Yes, outside on the hull.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous.

This is the news at 11:00. The mysterious and unexplained--

Captain Branigan,

(BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

No! Don't open that coffin.

Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it!

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune--

Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.

Leela? jackie. I guess you were right. I'm a lousy role model. I'm sorry.

No! No! It's tasted human blood!

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt.

I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name!

Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about. They say he's the greatest. Well, there is a robot named Bender here, but he's much to old for-- Send him in forthwith! Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo! - Mr. Bender? - Dah! Ohhh!

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

(FAST FORWARDING)

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me. Come on, we got to save Bender. You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him.

Bender, we didn't mind your drinking or your kleptomania or your pornography ring. In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR.

Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal?

I don't understand. Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela? And the winner is Nerdgasma!

As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds!

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry.

Sounds like a party, baby! Ooh, yeah! Hey, speaking of splattered bowels, can I cook you a romantic dinner tonight, Leela? Where's Leela? Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer?

Except the salmon. Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature. I'd like that.

So now my character has a British accent? No. Now your character's in a coma. Get in bed and don't move. And... action! Stupid dumb coma. Coulda been British. Alas, that mine only son...

(CROWD CLAMORING) I still don't see why you get the window seat. Folks, this is your captain. Our snake tanks are fully loaded,

I suppose there could be a minute quantity of petroleum left, but it would be insanely deep within the Earth at pressures so dangerously high... (HORN HONKING) Let's go, already!

- That's low! - Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not, but I love you,

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death. (GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace. You may be gelatinous,

Waah! What's this device's marketability?

Whoa! Aw! I'll save us!

Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should...

(SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry!

Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

(POWER SURGING)

Just a few more feet.

My marigolds! Thanks to that DNA sample you generously donated while locked in my tower, my beanstalks now have suction cups to keep them from collapsing. That's horrible! Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition. But not too cheap.

Well, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open and honest way. Yeah. Either that or be a man. Okay, I've constructed an elaborate lie. I'll call Angleene while pretending to be Flexo, arrange a date, show up disguised as him...

A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.

just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif!

That's the secret ingredient of Slurm? That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo!

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING)

Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore! Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time.

This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out.

You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone. Just stwoke its fwuffy fur. Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever. (SOBBING)

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

(EXCLAIMS) All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient!

Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight.

What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?!

Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

I don't know. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand and steal your wallet, but my crappy body crapped out on me. Don't take it so hard. I used to miss my body too, but then I fished this mannequin out of the 92-Cent Store Dumpster.

Huh, wha? (YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait.

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy,

(BENDER GROANING) You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. It does sort of class-up the place. MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed?

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder.

It's a herd of night watchmen. (GASPS) I found it! I don't understand. There's no Earth certificate in here. TRAVERS: No, there isn't.

Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror. Uh, Professor... off you go.

Where in Legoland is LeeLa? I'm here, and I'm getting along just fine, thank you. My walk to work just took a little longer today than usual. Nibbler took me through the zoo for some reason.

Is this really happening or just being staged It can't be real Not if Leela is engaged That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print I'll give you my hand

I wouldn't want to be me right now. Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here.

Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello? Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello? What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone again?

Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river!

You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy. With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are.

A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep.

It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper. It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals. But not for long. What's in the tube? Microscopic Nanobots. They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants.

Five, four, three, two--

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself!

Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator.

Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you?

Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves. Good one, Chet. Oh, yeah? Watch this!

Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing!

Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them. Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit.

That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop!

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done. Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah! Yeah! One bowl of jell-O knuckles, please. That'll be three "pic-a-tures" of George Washington.

Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. No, we can get jobs.

Really-- You two go enjoy yourselves. I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles. That's funny. Careful, sir. Oh, yeah. You filthy hobos sure know how to live. Hey, chief someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap. Hmm?

Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed.

Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

FRY: I have a scratch, too. From where Dr. Brutaloff slashed me with his finger knives, right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me. (GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man.

All hail the Metal Lord! So hailed! Mm. Those peewees think I'm God, huh? Hard to blame 'em.

Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads. You, minion, lift up my arm.

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh!

NARRATOR: And now, The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan, brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax. I wax my rocket every day!

Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn!

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out.

But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable!

I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack. Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick.

Well, looks like Flexo got away clean. It's a darn shame. He must have jumped ship with the atom the second we landed. Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't?

The crowd goes wild!

Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it.

What the hell is that thing?

Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo!

When I screamed, "Help," I didn't mean you! I apologize. However, I was able to do your job before I saved your life.

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out.

Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean.

Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent!

You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores.

(HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look.

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass!

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds. How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey!

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

Wait. I know you. You're the sleazebag who owns the Ultimate Robot Fighting League. Not anymore. Now I'm the sleazebag who owns the New New York Mets.

and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand. She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you?

Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender.

How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

Ows! I am not familiar with this concept of gender.

Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

I'm a program built into the intercom. I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here. Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands.

How could you do this? (SOBBING)

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death...

Fry, as a fellow '80s dollar jockey, - I'm makin' you my new vice chairman. - Wahoo! I'm rollin' up the corporate ramp! It's the end of the line. We're ruined! What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong.

I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. And finally, a chump,

Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis. I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you.

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow?

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere,

Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves. Hey, get away! Shoo!

Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs.

Hello! What's all this then?

You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah!

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Over here. I wanna hold him. Its anus looks like an asterisk.

(WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course!

One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

but you have our friends caged up and... (GASPS) Dr. Banjo? The same. Hang on. (GRUNTS) Coming around. There. Why, if it isn't Professor Farnsworth's friends. Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset?

What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too.

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

(STRAINING) Hey, what's Bender wearing instead of that crap? Oh, Lord. Did you actually buy that getup? We foxhunters do not stoop to buy getups. I made free with it. Since when do you care or even know about foxhunting?

Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots. (DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair.

Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do?

Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human! Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse.

Me too! A big fat one.

Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

"Stop asking questions, old man, "and we'll slip you an extra five grand "that your crew doesn't need to know about." (GRUNTING) Now, listen carefully. This planet is controlled by two rival gangs, the Blips and the Cruds. You can tell them apart by their colors, red and blue.

Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo!

till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh! That came out all wrong. Too late, baby. You said it.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No! Central filing? Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20.

He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

You going to Andromeda or thereabouts? No, sir, but how would you like to be part of an exciting business retreat? Hmm. Just don't drop me off on an asteroid like the last guy did.

Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

I'm still not following you.

Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING) Hello? I'd like to volunteer. Is anyone lurking? (GRUNTING) Hey, stop that.

For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up!

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater! (GASPS)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose.

Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him.

It's all so beautiful, I forgot how many hundreds of degrees below zero it must be. I just wish I could convince the others you're alive. You can. All you have to do is wake up. No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream!

Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this! As vice chairman of Planet Express, I'd like to say a few words.

Oh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization.

But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

What was that? Oh, nothing!

I was using that! Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech. You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do!

Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell!

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

It seemed like a better use of your time. But-But I'm the delivery boy. Don't worry. Everything went fine. - Better than usual. - We got medals. Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo! They got medals.

Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you.

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there. OW-OW-OW! Huh?

Whoa! Neat. Ta-da! It's a glow-in-the-dark nose... you can wear over your regular non-glowing nose. Observe.

No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one!

Where's the Professor?

The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

No. It's junk science.

Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left. Oh. What? Is that your camouflage reflex... or are you just happy to see me?

Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80.

Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight,

Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why? Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

What? I haven't changed. Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll.

Hey, look at this crowd. You guys gotta try the pasta. It's got a real nice profit margin. Bam! So, special occasion tonight? Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's happened! Bam? I've met the most dynamite ladybot. Hey, that's terrific.

The Grand Cigar, she is mine. And with absolutely no consequences.

It's Fry. Wiggles?

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something.

(ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

Continuing my confession, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than creating the bestest show in the world? I didn't create anything. I stole it. Stealing is a form of creativity.

Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure.

Ew. You were eating my turds? Feces pieces? Blech! You must be hungry. Really hungry. Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater."

Animals go in the corner.

One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty?

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me? Oh, my head!

We're not at the anyplace! LEELA: And we're out of fuel! (PASSENGERS CLAMORING) Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash.

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler!

Hey, Ringo, that was the joke. It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again. Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there!

No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM)

(GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine! There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste.

Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I--

The brains are weakening. Nibblonians to Nibble stations. Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets. Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh! Take that! And that! This sentence I don't understand, but take this one! You have not won yet.

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Of course. Tell me about the project. It's a movie. - Interesting. Tell me more. - Get this. For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar.

Sorry. I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn.

I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they?

Give it a rest, you two! Sorry!

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry.

A casino where I'm winning? That car must have killed me. I must be in heaven.

You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it.

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on.

Oh, go on! W-Wait a second.

It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm? We've trashed this room but that's just a start. We've got to get Fry's message to the people.

No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING)

(WHALE SINGING) All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale?

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What?

May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator. She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure. So, Billy, where were you born? Right here in Moon country.

We're slowing down. Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts?

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at.

He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party! Look at that worm go.

Exciting news, people! The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived. Hermes, that's sweet.

The last thing I remember is losing all my memories. Who am I, one of you? Me think so. Anyone dumb enough get stuck in ice probably Neanderthal. Neanderthal? Yeah, I think somebody called me that. (SHIVERING) I'm kind of chilly. I don't suppose you have a... (GRUNTS) (ANIMAL WAILS)

So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm.

Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby!

Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

Bam! Yeah... bam yourself. Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table?

keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology. Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans.

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

I just wish she didn't make us work so much. Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah. But now, Zapp's not captain anymore.

Well, now we can, thanks to my new invention-- the smelloscope. The odor travels past this coffee stain here around the olive pit and into this cigar burn... and this appears to be a-a...

All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine. Oh, my, yes. Thank you all for saving me-- especially you, my little clone. No matter what you decide to do with your life I'm still proud of you.

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions.

I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas.

Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING) I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating.

That's it, Amy. We have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive. Wa-hoo. Pardon me. Excuse me. Ah, I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness. Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate?

I hope you have a good mechanic.

Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass? No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

Wait. Who's the trigger-happy jerk? (GASPS) That's me! I recognize the face. (CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus! No! No! What have I will have done?

Bite my shiny metal ass!

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest.

I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. I kid, I kid. Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!

Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on.

He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine.

Bender's flying too low!

Whoo! Microbrewed. My guys did all right.

I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex. Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more! And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla that--

I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns. I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy. (MOOING)

Way to go, squishy! There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process. That's birth for ya. Well, we've given them a great start, Amy. And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children.

In the year 252,525

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive!

(YELPING) Fry. Professor? He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle.

And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk?

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

I got your hookup, Fry.

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Uh-oh. Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Urgh! And there's the West Side Pipeway. If those guys slack off for even a second, it could explode. Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing?

but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS)

That planet was mined completely hollow. Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew. This doesn't make any sense. I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it. Fine. We'll save the animals without your help. I'm afraid I can't allow that. Guards.

mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

Sorry you struck out, sausage link. If it's any consolation, my life is great. Babes, bucks-- I got it all. Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac.

I can't spell anything with these cards.

Big night, eh, Mr. Fry? The biggest, Janos. Check this out. What is that? Some kind of time button? Exactly. If she says yes, I'll use it to make the sunset last as long as we want. Strange things happen when the shadows lengthen.

I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter. Want to watch? Not really, but I will. Fine.

Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Oh, thanks, Bender.

Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me. If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way, score some fancy cologne at the newsstand, I'll be exactly on time. You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention!

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware.

Image, people! Image! Scope out this new ad! We are all one, with one mind, one purpose, one pact. Our enemy shall be eaten by scorpions. And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves.

Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in!

Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day? Huh?!

I am Fishy joe.

Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed. I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

(CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (AGREEING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) This actual peace treaty is hereby enacted.

Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form? Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar.

with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention!

My planet's embassy? They're paid to not kill me. Alley-oop! Hey, come out of there! I thought I understood this world.

Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it!

I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are. Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship? Destroy them.

We can't shoot penguins! Isn't there some way to keep them from breeding? Cold showers don't work on Antarctic creatures.

Robot devil? You can hear me? Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING)

You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery. Okay. It's crime time.

Keep it up, sistren. Only a few more miles to the cave. Let's just buckle down and... Look! A clearance sale! What? Where? (CLAMORING)

Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand? In good time. You go enjoy the opera. To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness

Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

I'll miss you, Mr. Peppy, but you'll be happier here. (MUTTERING) So, go on, go. Goodbye, Mr. Peppy. Come on, man, don't do this. Go on now.

Yay! I'm finally done with school! How's the job market? (BARKING) Rough.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing. Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity.

Do you have any better hostages?

But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg.

But we've earned these days off. We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery. Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then. See you in a week!

Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off! Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio...

I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY) Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated?

Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities!

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you.

I'm looking for human horn. Shh! You're not cops, right?

What brings yous to this part of the isles? He's gonna eat us! Don't be such a finch. We Galapagos tortoises have no natural predators. That's so fascinating!

Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign. Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied. Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe.

Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all,

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again! Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian news. You probably didn't see it. Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender!

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody.

I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly. (SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead.

I am Kif of the Clan Kroker, come to bear my young. Then let the tea of new life be brewed, as it is writ, and both shall lift the jug together. Where is your Smizmarr? She is not with me.

It's perfectly safe to let our guard down-- Even for a second.

(SCREAMS) Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

Euclid, Copernicus, Braino. And my personal role model, Leonardo da Vinci. What turned them to stone?

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine.

Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers. Yeah!

I'll protect you. Hi... Ow!

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

Welcome to Atlanta.

Okay, that's a start. That's very Earth-friendly. Now, everyone join hands! join hands, please! I'd like to lead you all in some swaying. Come on. Pay attention. I said do it! Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah!

(GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screaming in agony.

These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating.

We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you?

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What? Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child.

Your gasps intrigue me. Explain. Martians have no land. They've been gently encouraged...

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. And that's how I defeated Elzar,

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

Anything is possible in science. Oh, no, I've got it, too!

In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why?

Okay, fine. Fire!

And now, to present the award for best actor, a bit player... in the flop movie, The Magnificent Three, Dr. Zoidberg! Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it.

You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting.

Whoo! Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

I'm a real toughie.

Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct.

but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Really? My name's Marianne. Hello, you! (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Mom, why is there orange in my Purpleberry Puffs? As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries. Two colors? Wow.

Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna? This time you'll have all the human comforts. We'll get a couple of toilets some food cookers, maybe a puppy...

Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good.

Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story. The crisis on Pluto worsens... as dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat. The images are truly horrific.

Never fear. My magic fingers still know how to do their stuff.

I... d-- Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding?

I'm so glad we could admit Amy in exchange for your generous contribution.

Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them,

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question.

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week." In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent.

Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie.

Oh, yeah. Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here?

Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times. Bender! Fry? How'd you find me?

"In memory of the first Planet Express ship and its crew." Hang on. "It's" shouldn't have an apostrophe. This means "and it is crew." What the hell's wrong with you? It's a minor error, lady. I mean, we're space aliens. It's a miracle we can even speak English. The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass.

We want McNeal! Stop stalling!

The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm. Remember me! Remember me!

Good news, everyone. You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium...

That dirty, double-crossing bastard!

Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store. Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy.

Outsiders! Defend the fire!

It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat?

There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma! LEELA: This is crazy.

Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now. Up next, the award for Best Delivery Boy, Newspaper, Phone Book, or Miscellaneous. Miscellaneous, that's me.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there.

Ah! Another successful day. Deliveries were made. Nobody got hurt. (EXCLAIMING) Yes, another successful day. Well, see you guys tomorrow! I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela!

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more.

You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us." Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody.

Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING) Hey, hey, hey. (ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too.

The veneer is starting to peel.

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh!

Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up...

No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm. That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior. Therefore, the battle is already over. The winner? Me. Ha, ha! Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye?

Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed.

ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles.

but ironically, that was our downfall. They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender. We grew fat and domesticated. (MEOWS) Thousands of years passed, and our home world was nearing total destruction.

For this highly Controversial mission, you'll be towing the juan Valdez, an orbiting supertanker full of rich Columbian dark matter. Dark matter oil? What if we hit something? The tanker could leak. Impossible. The tanker has 6,000 hulls.

No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers.

Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees.

I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on. Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless.

They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela,

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept!

Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute.

Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella! Galloping gators! You're a superhero? Well, that's wonderful!

Go, team, go, team Team, team, team Who's the newest justice team The New Justice Team Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday Super King has all the powers

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore.

Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares.

Fry, Professor, Zoidberg.... A mighty haul for Bender. Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas! And last, but not least the sweet flower of the office... me, Hermes Conrad.

Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S. Identity confirmed.

just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Where have you been?

performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the--

Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha! Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better.

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh! Ah... prewar scotch. Welcome, Lieutenant Bender.

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Wait a second. Did you rip off your own arm as a joke? Nay. Like most of your followers, I was maimed building the great brewery. Others died from the pestilent fumes it spewed forth. And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime.

I sure love Leela. FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela,

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy...

Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself!

Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm.

Hello? I'd like to volunteer. Is anyone lurking? (GRUNTING) Hey, stop that. Senator Travers? That's no way to win an election.

They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right!

Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

(SCREAMS) Nope. Step aside, people. I got bug bombs. Bender, wait. Won't the bugs just run out and infest someplace else? Like, our building? Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING)

This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

I concur. Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out. That was pretty cool.

Large bet on myself in round one! Edna, have you anything to say before begins the Claw Plock? I do. I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No!

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner. I'll always remember this, Bender. Me too. Me too. jerk.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia?

Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

A problem that solves itself?

Good, 'cause I'm sick of him. (ALL LAUGHING) I'm serious. He's a terrible person.

And so, I set sail for unknown shores.

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face?

I'm hungry. Whoa! Whoa!

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on!

Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot.

You here five hours and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting and fill pool with brine shrimp. Not bad for a city boy, huh? By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

(SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown!

Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum. But now, it's nearly over. So long.

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that. You hurt his feelings.

You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit.

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn.

Isn't it obvious? You are.

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What?

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it?

I'm really nervous. Robot House!

I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.

(GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again?

Non-creative? Ha! I'll have you know I Bedazzle my own underpants.

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint. But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that?

from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter, surrounded by bums who eat garbage? Money brought me no happiness. Bubkes! Ooh, this boot's got a little pudding at the bottom!

See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been?

I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar.

I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones! Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far.

You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission. Which reminds me...

My God, you're right! The locations form a perfect shape of some kind. No! Bender was at every one of those places right before the fire started. Sweet pyro of Cairo! That's true! Could Bender be setting these fires just so he can be a hero? Oh, I don't know. Possible, feasible. Maybe. Yeah, probably.

So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium?

the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what?

This is all a big load. I was the one trying to save the Popplers. You were sucking them down like the fat hog you are and you were stepping on them for fun.

A quantum interface bomb? Are you insane in the membrane?

And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum... Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?"

You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp.

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH)

Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand! Hoverfish, bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez.

This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes. After all, our love isn't any different from yours,

Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind-- just like Noah's ark.

it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

I do go. He's a very important man. So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it.

(GRUNTING) Nice work, Leela. You're really pulling your weight. Which is saying something.

I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time. But what would that be like? I mean, if we were together, where would we be 10 years from now? Still here? Definitely.

This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Bender, enough! Leave me alone! So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend. But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch!

Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww. Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with.

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot! In answer to your question, Hermes. Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity.

And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own. Then live on, forever cursed.

Shall we say about 7:58? Precisely? Nice to see you, Zapp. Well, nice to see a surprising amount of you, too, Leela. Is Munda here? Mommy's not home, big boy.

I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Bender? Bender?!

As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out. They're not filthy. They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor. There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first.

oh, keep smiling through

Uh-oh. The bullies are back. Leela, Amy, I like a stalwart, feminine physique as much as the next fellow, but this Nectar worries me. You should be worried about this! Boo-ya! (WHIMPERS) Easy, Amy, easy.

Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres! Also, mine has air conditioning.

No! Stop the magnet!

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person. Ooh! Hmm.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit.

So, you want to join the Balcony Club? The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership. Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long. Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all.

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite! Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again.

Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so.

No. You'll only make them feel bad.

Nah, I like my victims to know who did it. Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

(WAILING) I have no free will! I am not the master of my own fate! (SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault. Why do you care so much, Bender? I mean, for all we know, humans don't even have free will. Yeah, whatever.

- (GROANING) - (BEEPING) (SCREAMS) It's attacking me! (GRUNTING) This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason.

No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style.

Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS)

Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue. Mm-mm! We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship.

some kind of blob monster, and Petunia! The extra clicking you'll hear is gonna be my hip.

Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have! It's called Australopithecus africanus! Oh-ho! I've got you now.

Try again! We're too far apart. No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay. Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Here are my shorts. Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either.

Um-- Oh, uh-- Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is.

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league!

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination!

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor.

My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender.

No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald. What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay. Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't... (MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone! Alone with me? I said scram, grapey! (GULPING)

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt. All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell!

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy?

No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm!

I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go. Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

(CREAKING) They said it couldn't be done, Kif, but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon. Sun. At night it's called the moon.

The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was--

Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you?

We just stopped by to tell you we're taking some vacation days. No, you're not! You've got to go on this delivery! But we've earned these days off. We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery. Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then. See you in a week!

Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?!

I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder?

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole.

You know the worst thing about being a slave?

It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions? Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying.

just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends. Uhhhhh.

Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible.

Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago.

Dance, slave, dance. (ALL GROAN)

They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

I am shocked, shocked!

Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going.

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back? No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale. Poor Amy. My days of joy and luck are over. Guess I got to quit that club.

Whoa! Check out that guy.

- I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you.

So every religion is wrong!

So, how about them Knicks? Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean.

A tie? This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works.

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm...

I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard. Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends.

Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network? We were about to fire him, sir.

On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand!

Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ! Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette. That twizzler!

There's no hurry. Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

It's a minor error, lady. I mean, we're space aliens. It's a miracle we can even speak English. The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass. I insist you re-carve the entire statue correctly. Okay, okay. Hey, Charlie, hack off another block of ivory! (ROARING)

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats!

Jesus Christ, and his 12 Apostles.

Halt! From whence comest thou, one-eyed maiden? Uh... Ever been to Peru? Certainly not. I'm from Peru. Clam up, Founding Fathers. We need help locating the treacherous forger who forged this forgery.

Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri!

(ALL GRUNTING) It's working! Just a little faster! But we're plotzing here! Then look at Nibbler! ALL: Aw!

Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed. What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Shake it, baby. Shake it like... I surrender and volunteer for treason. Emergency summons from the president, Captain.

I watch TV with that guy. Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses

Detecting trace amounts of mental activity. Possibly a dead weasel or a cartoon viewer.

Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif? Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way. Or even from a toilet seat-- though that's impossible, since I have a private washroom.

I... Ow! My leg, it's broken.

I've been perusing your fortified wine list and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight, the '57 Chateau Part-Ay and the '66 Thunder-schewitz. Exquisite choices, sir. And mix them all together in a big jug.

Where do all these child-sized beers come from? See that magnificent heavily guarded cask? All the beer's in there. Ahh!

and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

You say it'll put some whoopie in my cushion? This might take a while. I've got to adjust the memory timing, raise the CPU voltage, and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship?

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune. Is that a lot?

I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic.

He's right. You should go. We'll still be here tomorrow. Yeah, but what if I'm not? I mean, what if I never see you again, Mom? There's a lot of stuff I want to tell you. Well, like what? Well... (DOORBELL RINGS) (BARKING) (GASPS) Sorry to disturb you all, but Fry needs to get going.

Looks like we've got a new office cutup. Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you.

Oh, fuff! Why bother remembering anything?

We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

A defective robot, you say? Stay right there, dearie. I'll have tech support take care of you. Well, things are starting to look up. Look up!

If we can stimulate that nerve, the bowel will convulse, expelling the entire worm society. But what about the worms in the other parts of his body? Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left. All right. Let's smoosh some worms!

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good, but it feels good today, 'cause I got to dance and make people happy. (SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much! Bender! She's a sweet little girl.

Take my hands You evil, metal dog Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest.

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D...

Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on.

Agnew, cut to the PSA. (GRUNTS) Give me the ball! No, give me the ball. I know, let's fight for it. (GRUNTING) Now, hold on there, boys. Violence never solved anything.

(ALL LAUGH) Ah! (GROANING) Man! Pwned again! This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck! Aw, it's true. My circuitry's 12 years out of date.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot.

Ah... Listen, I know who stole the button. I wasn't gonna tell, because I don't like being helpful. But I do like ratting people out, so, it was Fry. (ALL GASP) He took it to the Vampire State Building. We've got to get to him. But how? We can't leave the time shelter.

There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different.

Nixon always wins! (HOWLING)

Oh. Are you my mommy? Negative. Ooh.

Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly. Hello. Hello, baby! Huh? Hey, what's going on here? And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me?

I never thought I'd see the day.

But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

(ALL BOOING) Why are they booing me, Silicon?

Wait... yeah. What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a T-shirt. Is it true they bite your neck and suck your transmission fluid and then you become a human? Sure, why not.

Hey, hey. What's wrong? Was it something Leela said? We come-a to Earth to start new life, raise fat, spoiled Earth kids, hang many underwear from Earth clothesline, live Earthican dream.

It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw! What?

What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

Stay calm, dearest. I'll save you! Kif! You're flying Betsy! Need a lift? Oh! Oh! Ooh! Great Mother Mars. He has the gift.

It's called Homo erectus. Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis. Yes, they have!

And sure enough--

After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as... Wait. The Donbot is innocent. (ALL GASP) Calculon, who is that escorting you? Yes, who? My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted,

Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books.

FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

Oh, I almost forgot!

For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing. Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal, the clown of the sea.

What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has.

- So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh. How could you do this, Fry? (STAMMERS) Coma... Sad...

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly." (BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy! Bender? I smell burning tusk. That's probably it. Kill the engine.

Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

Aye! Welshie! This court will now hear some very sensual testimony...

(ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry! Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying? All right! (MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk?

Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale. Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron. It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right? Shut up, Zoidberg.

I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces.

This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so. No dog food for Victor tonight. Okay. The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000.

I'm a banking industry regulator.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This.

except the senior officers, scientists,

Purpleberry Pond is fun for young and old When healthy juicy purpleberries fill your bowl We all get along and we're happy and merry I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop!

Is everyone enjoying their free beer? ALL: Yeah! Well, there's plenty more where that came from. We're all out of beer. All right, listen up, nitwits.

21 red. I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer.

Uh, don't worry about the script, baby. We rewrote your part to better suit your acting abilities. So now my character has a British accent? No. Now your character's in a coma. Get in bed and don't move. And... action! Stupid dumb coma. Coulda been British.

'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course... for Earth!

I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die. Hurry. What's happening? Oh.

I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill." Look, Kif, I probably am the mother-- although maybe I'm not. Of course, I hope I am, but just in case I'm not, maybe we should have a test. A test! I demand a test!

All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself.

Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about. These people seem really mild-mannered.

And it is requested. (HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat But they're the best when they're off their feet Girls, girls, girls

(EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though.

in New New York's nerdiest slum-- Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager.

(ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas?

Ahhh! Sweet light crude. But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot.

I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky!

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back.

You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different.

Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer. Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship.

Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English? Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up. Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh... Princess? Yes! That!

This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food. You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty.

In the time it would take to pronounce one letter of my true name, a trillion cosmoses would flare into existence and sink into eternal night. Oh, you're all so cute! No, we're not. We Nibblonians are an ancient and powerful race.

Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey? Edna!

Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful.

Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature,

These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small?

Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop!

And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth. Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please.

I'm not Bender. I'm Fry.

Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What?

I'm bored. Let's drink. (TINKLING) Wow, what a turnout. It's great to see so many happy smiles, most of them on Mouth Mutant. (ALL LAUGHING) Hey-o! But let me just say, for 40 years,

Listen, lady, as you can plainly see I'm a highly desirable male, groaning with jelly yet I embrace a life of celibacy in order to uphold our crazy traditions. One of your friends must die! Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be, must be. Taking all bets!

so that just leaves us the one option.

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

And now to fulfill my destiny!

Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now...

Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule

Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying? All right!

I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points! Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake. Although you wouldn't know it from looking. Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight,

Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp! Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'.

For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first. Hey, mon.

Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy. You mean a man. It was his Bar Mitzvah.

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris.

I am one hungover cryogenicist.

I'm the hero. Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point...

You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts!

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome! Lucky.

Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture. Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

15 black. ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy.

And the winner is... Robot House?!

Oh! They're getting married. Congratulations, Leela.

Well, that was pointless.

in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery. That's my clover! Yancy stole it! After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks.

We just need to find that last missing link. I found a missing link. It seems to be half man, half toucan. Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup. And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain.

Hey! Yaaah! Yeah!

Ow! (GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from? I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure. Now I'm sure. (BOTH YELLING) (SCREAMING)

We were defeated in battle.

Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans! He should have used Planet Express. When those other companies aren't brave or foolhardy enough to go trust Planet Express for reliable, on-time delivery.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not. Give it up! All right! Take it. Sheesh.

Maybe grab a shot of tequila and take in a big-league cockfight? Sure. No, wait. I was built in Tijuana. Maybe Inspector 5 still works there. He better do some explaining before I mash up some face guacamole. He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this.

his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud. To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific. Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works! Leave me alone!

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure.

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Barbados Slim! What are you doing here?

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah Say you will Say it right now, baby

No, I want to live. Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here?

No, it's cheaper just to have you die.

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure.

Oh... What do you want me to say? He saved my life. Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick. I can cure him, but I need the thing, the thing from Triton.

Oh, no! What have I done? You poor little guy. I'm so sorry I-- Bender?

Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box, but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there?

- Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

One, two, three! Pull! One, two, three! Pull! Ah, bloody chunder! Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job! Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull!

When we woke up, we had these bodies.

Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws?

He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo.

It's too low! Quick! You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back.

Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

- All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea!

You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

President Nixon here.

Dateline: Paramecium Homeworld. Newly crowned Miss Universe, Gladys lennox entertains troops fighting to wipe out the human race.

No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love. Thank you, Fry.

(GRUNTING) NIXON: Ugh! Here comes a water balloon. (MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much.

(INHALES) Ah... Much better. (SNIFFS) (WRETCHES) It's even worse! It's like Comic-Con in a submarine! (SNIFFING) Oh, my God! The smell's coming from you!

There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there. Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future.

Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back. Very well. I'll clean up Kif's mess. I shall go bargain with the Martians personally. Your gasps intrigue me. Explain. Martians have no land. They've been gently encouraged...

Phew! I don't believe it. It's dark matter. So this guy just unloaded a steaming pile of starship fuel? His species must have filled the entire planet with it. Did you do that, you cute little--

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

Please. just wake up, Leela. Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I?

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela?

Firearms! That's the one I was secretly hoping for. I'm okay with most kinds of violence, but not gang violence. Before we deliver these weapons, we're going to disable them so they can never be used. Bender, bend the barrels. But I love guns!

BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry! Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying?

Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING) There. See? It was no big thing.

we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters. Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast.

I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as-- My bones!

(GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage. Now we're gonna die without so much as a factory-second clutch purse to show for it. (SIGHS) It would have been nice to shop at Tommy Hilfiger one last time. It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things! The hell it was.

My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades. I promise. ALL: Wow.

Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit.

Oh, my God! Huh?

It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti. Ah!

But, Mr. Barker-- Enough out of you! I may be against the fur industry but that won't stop me from skinning you alive... as long as no one wears the skin.

Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Is Munda here? Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole?

I changed my mind! Aaah!

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

No! Stop! I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA. (GRUNTS) Give me the ball! No, give me the ball. I know, let's fight for it.

Amy, that man is a criminal. I'm just checking out his tats. Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

Hey, wait a second! Anything? No. Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee!

I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER)

My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics

Leela, I've made up my mind. Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy. It may take a couple of hours, but... Fry, stop trying to do things for me. Whatever time we have left, just live it with me. So, you want to join the Balcony Club?

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

Eyesight is for chumps.

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

I beg to differ.

Apartment One-i. The old me would've made a joke about that.

Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around?

Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

It's strange, that. There's nothing strange about it.

That's it! You're all going to jail and don't expect me to grant a pardon like that sissy Ford.

Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies," "the wet willies," "the screaming moist..."

Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela. Destination on your left in 0.3 miles.

Mulligan drives the ball. It's going, going and caught by the shortstop. Mets lose again. Man, I haven't seen play this bad... since the days of Bob Uecker. This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know.

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire? Fry, swallow your food, then talk.

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people.

My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit. The Queen? Sounds most satisfactory.

See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone. Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob.

That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out.

One pound of stem cells, please! Of course, any age-reversing effects will be purely temporary--

Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way! Where go beautiful man?

Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn,"

Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it? Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box. You know, maybe a certain blue lobster... saw where Professor hid the box.

Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

"Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three! Firing torpedo number three. That's not torpedo three! That's not torpedo three at all.

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell.

Dr. Banjo? In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth. Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti?

Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait.

Wait, there's still some beer left. Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson? Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead?

Is my eye playing trick on me?

He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil.

Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much.

- (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Ah, now for a dash of salt. Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay?

No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you. I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

(HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM)

whose good looks are apparently discernible across vast distances and through solid metal. But wait, the leader of the attack is swaggering out of his ship and up to a convenient nearby microphone. Now, why couldn't I have just described his appearance at this point? This is the type of thing I'm talking about.

(WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak?

instead of following in your food stamps. Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore.

(THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this.

Faster. It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze under there.

Whoo! Follow me.

My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me,

What was wrong with your date last night? I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Possibly his vile lizard tongue. You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely.

He speaks lies! The Earth was created in eons, not days.

(KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING)

Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight.

The Donbot is innocent. (ALL GASP) Calculon, who is that escorting you? Yes, who? My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing.

Sorry, Captain Leela. I guess I'm just having one of those manic Mondays.

This whole sector is uncharted.

We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it. Please? Ooh, is it "please"? Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"?

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again! We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times.

Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy. Thanks to years of LaBarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat. Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces. Something wonderful.

Oh, yes. They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening.

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right?

Here, I'll show you how it works.

What do you say, sewer plum? Want to give it another go? Well, I am still in my wedding dress. And we still have a cake. Uh... Half a cake. (BELCHES) Very well. Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride?

I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body! Fry, Leela, you got to help me. Ordinarily, I'd say no and lecture you on how this is your own fault for being such an idiot. But when a robotic Nixon is on the loose, we have a duty to take action.

Don't worry, Daddy. It'll be okay. Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can? This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide.

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) We're not from around here. Hello.

That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast.

Hey, thanks. Wow, this got here just in time. This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort. Uh, uh... how about that one?

but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15, mankind entrusted me with its last remaining suit and tie and sent me back in time.

This is awesome! I've been waiting a thousand years to see a Beastie Boys show. Can I get anybody a beer? Sure.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch.

Ah, to be young again... and also a robot.

Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See? Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human.

Now which costs more-- the parrot or the stink lizard? The lizards are a buck each. The parrot is $500. That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait.

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew!

Almost got it. It seems to be sort of... stuck. Ooh! I love you! Run program "Kif://3."

They're so cold! And yet hell is so hot!

Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well...

Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got. Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no. For this highly Controversial mission,

Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper,

Please welcome our new Chief Executive Officer, That Guy! Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me.

I didn't mean it about the cape. Capes are cool!

Take my hands You evil, metal dog Aaah!

Oh, God, my tract. He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup? Fleeing somewhere?

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending.

It's a big decision, G. Are you ready to get a gang tattoo that will mark you as a stone cold thug for life? I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face. (ENGINE REVVING) Oh, snap! It's our rival gang! We have a rival gang? I hate them!

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Hurry up and lick Washington's head again! We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington,

After a whole life of searching I may finally have found where I belong. Too bad it's a dump. Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar?

Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies.

You've been drinking too much, or too little.

Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape! I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!

I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

Please stand clear of self-destructing basket.

Mmm. I haven't eaten since Tuesday. Bird eggs... animal slices... dry woven reeds. All gone.

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no.

Yeah, he'll do. Come on, Lrrr. Show's over. Fine, okay. About this conquering thing, (CHUCKLES) funny story... Hello, Lrrr.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

Never mind. Here, take this. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (SPLUTTERING) Ah!

I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

(ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir!

Memory deleted.

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

Okay. Call me a booger blaster. I'll blast a booger so hard that-- Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man,

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Yes, you are a cutie pie. Holy macaroni! I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot, and he's in focus.

Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions.

I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods! (SCREAMS)

I'm Slim Shady. Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up.

Run program "Kif Two." Oh, Kif! We could live here at the shore... of the Tranquilibrius Sea in a time-share. And I would pluck the moon from the sky just to see you smile.

And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot.

Uhhhhh. Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck!

Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass.

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel.

(BOTH LAUGHING) Well, I may not have a man,

I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in. From those humble beginnings, Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain. And so it is my pleasure today, to nail her picture...

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five. And now for the finishing touch.

Amy, remember when we tried out for the Rockettes? And we failed because we accidentally kicked those two Rockettes to death?

Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

Here, take my hand. (SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS) News and weather, everyone.

(SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer.

there'll be a close-up on this video screen.

Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman.

Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted!

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.

Nice to see you, Zapp. Well, nice to see a surprising amount of you, too, Leela. Is Munda here? Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

And let me be the one Who can feel like I am a child in love

(ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! Unit 47!

Come on, come on.

our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player! Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful.

I say, Robot House. Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves. Good one, Chet. Oh, yeah? Watch this!

Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you. (SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time.

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.

Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won.

Who the hell are you?

You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right?

How do I get out of limbo? (LAUGHING) That's the laughy part. You can't! You're stuck in an infinite loop. An infinite loop? I don't have time for that!

Remember when you asked to see my family tree?

I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age. Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter. Hi, Fry. I like your blazer. Thanks. These aren't pockets. They're just flaps.

ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels. Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows.

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

It's all about appearances. That's why it's time to update our company's stodgy image... and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer... of the 1980s!

Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.

Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy. Don't worry about MacZongo. He and I are having brunch tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing this. It's nice, but there's still something I don't like about that guy. My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins. (SNORING)

Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

(BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do. So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant? We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life. You must despise us.

(LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building!

I can't see the harm in peeing on that.

Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

I want to be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science fiction cartoon writer. But-But what about my hopes and my dreams and my wonderful inventions? In your entire life, your only half-decent invention was me, and I didn't turn out like you wanted either.

Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.

Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking.

By the Bard's quill! I'm alive! (ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science!

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister!

Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad.

And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it! Your voice is so annoying! You always leave the toilet seat crushed! See?

We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you? My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips. Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer.

By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm?

In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go!

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed. I fear our only option is thrilling space battle. Power friends, go! Power friends, go!

Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway? Oh, that.

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case. Ah, I just need sleep.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck.

Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter?

LEELA: Oh, good. Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you. (LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry.

BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium! Whoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail? Because this isn't your dream.

Give him hell, Morbo!

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right!

I can't believe this. Bender's supposed to murder his closest friend which I thought was me, but he went straight for you. He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in.

I do! Aye! Welshie!

NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch? (SLURRING) Hey, you!

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones.

Yeah, baby. Come on!

All right, all right. What do we do when we break somebody's window? Pay for it? Oh, heaven's no! We apologize with nice cheap words.

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu!

I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture.

(ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning.

maintain the various pipes and poop chutes that keep decent, above-ground society functioning. And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills?

I've always wanted to break into gooning.

0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me.

If you'll just give me the keys to my trailer... MALE VOICE: Hold it, Calculon. As president of this network, I believe that's my decision. Thank you, Charles, that will be all. Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it.

Well, good night. HERMES: Everyone got along so well today. Yes, this place is like a neutered utopia. A neutopia. (LAUGHING) I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes.

They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not? Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please... Big z. Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela.

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door.

(SNORING) Isn't he your distant uncle? Very distant. Not a true Farnsworth, mind you. He's way over here on this filthy branch riddled with fungus and dung beetles. (GASPS) What's with the 17 dung beetles? Ugh! (CHUCKLES) Well, it's 6:00. I guess we'll have to deliver that human heart tomorrow.

This ain't a church, lady. Except for tax purposes.

Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

Dismiss all charges? Your Honor, I know the case is closed and you've rendered your verdict but I want to testify. I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt?

On, my, no. Off we go.

Well, now, this calls for a celebration. (MEWING TRIUMPHANT TUNE) (ALL GROANING) What's all this cat hair on my sweater?

An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING)

Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives!

We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk. Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no.

100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over. Well, uh, we'll be leaving now. If you could just sign this form saying you received the atom.

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry!

So what? I have a chandelier in my car made of those. Not the gem. This passenger manifest. It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us.

Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it.

(GRUNTING) It's not a duffel bag. It's my apartment! (GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg. You need an alien hacked to pieces, he's the best there is, in the budget category. Have you ever dissected a Yeti before? (SNICKERS) Himalayan or Neptunian? Tritonian.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae?

Now, that I like for some reason. (SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help.

Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me.

This looks like a job for God.

Kenya. Cradle of humanity.

But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits.

Fry, stay back!

We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit? I underestimated you.

But you keep on talking Keep on yakking Shut up and love me Shut up and love me ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

Edna! Ew! My God!

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine.

just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing?

This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry?

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby! Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink. Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot.

Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

That comes with salad or soup. Uh, salad. Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

Nonsense. It's exactly like me.

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again.

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will.

You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

But that's it. No one else.

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie.

Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now. That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves.

who blasted Commies in the American Revolution. Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft.

And with me directing and starring, I'll be back on top... after 50 miserable years... of fame. Ah, fame. Where do I come in? This fame film has a juicy part for you... if you completely finance it with your doctor money. So, are you in?

She shoots robots through the air. (BELCHES) Excuse me. Too much goulash. I've always wanted to be shot out of something.

Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. Slurm her!

His species must have filled the entire planet with it. Did you do that, you cute little--

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk. I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside,

sense of smell, or by detecting variations in Earth's magnetic field. Okay, everybody do one of those three things.

Oh, no, you probably don't! (GRUNTS) Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you,

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew.

I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love--

I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

Edna? Honey? Edna! Ew!

It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth. Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity.

Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured!

Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope. Hey, hey, hey! I got me a souvenir. Aw, here you go, kid.

This is my universal auto-translator. That will show them our peaceful intentions. The only question is who should be our spokesman? Me, me. Choose Zoidberg. Zoidberg a diplomat? The list of things I've heard now contains everything. Hear my words. My shell may be tough, like a samurai honeymoon mask, but inside I'm as soft and sensitive as a girl made of custard.

Give me the script.

Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh! Wh-Wh-What do you want from me? We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again. Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom...

Big Bertha is the circus's grande dame. She shoots robots through the air. (BELCHES) Excuse me. Too much goulash.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

Hello, boys. Whoa!

Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor,

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

(GASPS) (CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

Hey, Leela, look at me!

Then, I'll take it. (MOANING)

That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich!

You're my kind of soldier, Lemon-- A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle.

Stay calm, dearest. I'll save you! Kif! You're flying Betsy!

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh.

(CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

Home run! Yay, yay! Right? Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened?

Damn right! And I'm organizing a tap-dance contest for the Parks and Rec Department. If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay? Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest?

No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

Shh! Watch your language. This ain't a church, lady. Except for tax purposes. Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna.

Yeah? Well, here's a funny joke-- I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift.

Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh!

Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say-- Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company.

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Now, give up the free will. (SIGHS) I should have destroyed it, but I was too damn proud of myself. So I kept it around, never letting it out of my sight. Where is it, damn it? Oh, right. I let this innocuous fellow use it. Kill all humans!

Why not indeed! Bender! Ship!

All right, enough of this.

My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to. Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken.

Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus.

Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah!

Next up, the Planet Expresses ship.

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next.

You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working!

That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do?

crickets, squid chicken necks? Excuse me. If I might be so bold, I'm willing to offer my services as a bait critic. These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless. And these dry, stringy night crawlers--

Hey, I know that guy.

You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God!

Not my problem. Fire in the hole! (CACKLING)

(ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home!

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

I'd like everyone to meet our new employees. Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism. Or I did, until Mom cured me of my awful disease using genetic engineering. That's why she had me hooked up in her lab. Oh! Well, congratulations.

Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands!

How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering.

Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind.

Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine.

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared.

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender?

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh...

Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams. If only I could hear your voice again. (GASPS) (MACHINE BEEPS) Hello, it's me, Fry! I'm not here right now, 'cause we're out getting drunk at the Olive Garden. So just leave a message for myself or Bender after the tone.

(PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous. There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice.

The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad.

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball.

Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there.

and find out how evil they are. Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements.

Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word. As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

Ow! Leela, I've got an idea. Stay here with Queequeg.

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

(SCREAMING) (MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling.

Warden Vogel, I have a new story for the children. I'm sure they'll like it more than my last one. They liked hunger cramps more than your last one. Anyhow, you'll have to wait. The kids are busy right now. Is the organ-harvesting clown here?

You owe me one.

Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody. My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times. Ordinary human dating.

I just mean, your money management skills could use some work. Like, the only reason my family even owns a casino is 'cause we've kept such a close eye on our money for generations. BENDER: You sure have! No offense, Zoidberg, but maybe you'd be better off if you stayed behind.

Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee.

(GASPS) Back! Back, you beasts! Follow me. The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose. (GRUNTS) (AMY PANTING) (ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and... - (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP)

(ALL CHEERING) All right, baby! (WHOOPING) Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids!

Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships. Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed. Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent.

I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that.

(YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye?

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window

Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days? The calendar predicts fires, earthquakes, sharksplosions, then it just ends! Exactly as the weather balloon foretold.

You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us? Wise choice, son. You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs? He's right. You should go. We'll still be here tomorrow. Yeah, but what if I'm not?

I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Last one holding the bandanna is the new leader.

Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym?

What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Malachi, jr.! No! Daddy? I can't hold much longer. My arms are tired from hugging. Save him! Save my son, oh, Metal Lord! This looks like a job for God.

I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

This is what makes life worth clinging to. Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons. It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life. Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry.

You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort. Mr. Fry, I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the paleontologist who discovered your dog. Or, as some call it, the Beeler-saurus. So, do I get Seymour back? Are you caving to political pressure?

We don't want to live on this planet. It's a dump. We'll buy new planet and act like it's sacred. With cash like this, who's going to argue? Nobody, that's who.

Come here, boy! Pet, pet, pet. Robo-Puppy receiving petting.

(SNAKE HISSING) Watch out! What brings yous to this part of the isles? He's gonna eat us! Don't be such a finch. We Galapagos tortoises have no natural predators. That's so fascinating!

Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

(CLEARING THROAT) Ladytrons and gentlebots... Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose. I'm going to allow them for now.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever. Let's just forget about the box.

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse--

"Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was--

Quick, let's duck in here.

Her? She's just a bossy friend. Exactly! She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job!

Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah!

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My."

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait.

Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species. This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court.

It's an insult to my Japanese heritage. How so? This is America, not Japan. Maybe so. I'm not sure. Now, how many tickets would you like for the show? Like, none. But thanks for the yucky-tori. (LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam!

Bender "A," you're a prince among robots.

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench.

Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter.

(BOTH YAWNING) Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't. Whatever. It doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter? Every decision we make opens up a universe of possibilities.

No. Just these marmoset pajamas. They'll have to do. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall?

Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs.

Was his apartment rent controlled? Wow. This is beautiful. What's with all the crap? It's not crap. Dr. Mobutu collected this crap while he was exploring the whatchacallit... universe.

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler!

- Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints.

Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

I guess I'll have to eat this raw, dripping ham by myself. Nibbler? Nibbler, you're scaring me.

Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once.

Ow! Paper cut! (HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey!

And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig. So, do I have your loyalty, men?

Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for. And now, at last, neither do I! Maybe we can figure it out.

Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it? Yes, please. No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here? (SIGHING) This planet is the real Rumbledy-Hump, and these creatures are the real Humplings.

Fry, Leela, you got to help me. Ordinarily, I'd say no and lecture you on how this is your own fault for being such an idiot. But when a robotic Nixon is on the loose, we have a duty to take action. Idiot.

See you on the other side.

It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole.

I mean, Dr. Zoidberg.

Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate!

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah.

Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh!

I lance her every few months, but she always grows back. (WEEPING) It's hard enough being a Cyclops, but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated.

Bender, quit destroying the universe!

- Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left?

Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever. Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh He's doing it again.

and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural. Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor,

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz?

Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang. How did we manage to survive? What gave us those strange powers? Maybe we're all wearing magic rings. But they're invisible rings, so we don't even realize it!

Help! Police! You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor.

Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think.

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour?

Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is. Fry, as his only friend, you should have first pick of body parts. Just don't pick his nose! Ha, ha, ha, ha. What's wrong with you guys? This is comedy gold.

Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying... mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal--

Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it! That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins.

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right.

But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got! Oh, mama.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

Oh, yeah, smarty paws?

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!

Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this?

Hit it with a stick!

Stop pecking me!

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Watch out! What brings yous to this part of the isles?

Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online. We are on line. But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry! I feel like a mindless zombie.

My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause.

Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist,

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

(ALL PANTING) I've got navigation. We're on our way home. (ALL CHEERING) It just shows how everything is possible when you work together.

Noooo! She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

(ANIMALS GROWLING) Uh. How you get frozen? I don't know. I think I whanged my head pretty bad. Uh, look normal to me. The last thing I remember is losing all my memories. Who am I, one of you?

Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast.

Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this.

Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages. So you lost the atom, huh? You're garbage, human garbage! Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000?

Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler.

What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed. Why are you trying to talk to me? I have no idea. You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Fry? I thought you were dead. Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory. Then I'll prove I'm alive by telling you something only I could know. There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left.

(ALARMS) Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No!

Hang on, Mom. I have another call.

Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife. But it's no big. I hate those 1-X so much, I know it won't affect me.

Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess. (CRACKING) Whoa!

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French? Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man?

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner.

Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones.

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box?

My God. It's full of ads. Whoo!

They're so lifeless-like. That's the world's greatest robot artist-- Vincent Van Gobot. He was built without an ear but then he went crazy and had one installed. Hey, who's this guy? I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here. I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever. The tracks lead here.

So the moral of the story is... if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! You know, you always were a kick in the teeth, man. Ah, shucks, thunder buns. You make me feel like a million volts.

I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.

I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop! People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that...

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening.

It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow!

The Clear-Cutter.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night?

I think the view's perfect already. Oh, that's the corniest thing I've ever heard. Let me show you the bedroom. Wait. In a minute. A holophonor? Only a few people in the whole universe can play that, and they're not very good at it. They don't have you to inspire them.

It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible.

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No!

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off.

We are now in minute five of our round-the-clock coverage as we await the return of the courageous robot. (YELLING) (GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh!

Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony. Your Honor, the prosecution rests. The evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong However, in light of his years of service and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges.

Shut up and hoot. Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon.

Professor, you'll offer Guenter the hat, and Fry you'll offer him the banana. We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal.

Now we just reintroduce Calculon's programming to his body using science.

since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

(SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water. Everyone to the situation room!

Aw, this isn't right. Listen, Bender, if we found your antenna could they still reattach it? Maybe, if we get it on ice right away. Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna?

(SPEAKS ITALIAN) Never shall I reveal how these wondrous machines fit together! They fit together? I said no such thing. And then I died! (GROANING) You're right, Professor. This thing doesn't fly.

and you for hunting an innocent robot. Well, a robot who didn't harm you personally. Today. Probably. But most of all, I blame you, hunt master. Where's the hunt master? Remember when you said "nobody leave" and then you turned your head briefly?

Whose blood? Some guy's.

Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

That was great! And no one suspects a thing. And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time.

To get down on all fours and really lick boot.

Go nuts. Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute? Go for it, Bender. You know you want to. Well... I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back.

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

(SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it.

Well, a wonderful girl loves me, but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me. That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave.

We can sleep at my parents' house. I'll just buzz and let them know we're here. (BUZZING) Mom, Dad, I'm sure you remember Fry, Leela, Bender, and of course my Fonfon Ru, Amy. KIF'S MOTHER: Welcome to our home.

Well, you know. It's just for a package delivery service. Ah-ah! A package is just a box until it's delivered.

I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt?

You didn't answer your cell phone telephone,

(YELLS) Asteroids!

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder. It sounds like you got some kind of tiny head on ya or somethin'.

Ah, let's face it. Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy... That's funny. Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien. Great idea. We can only hope.

Good morning! Geez, who died? I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her!

But the twist is, in this show, the singers judge the judges.

ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Puffs are the sweetest part of your complete breakfast. Along with juice, toast, ham, eggs, bacon, milk, cheese, liver, waffles and a big horse vitamin.

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say.

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid!

Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon.

That's tasty. Too tasty.

Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS)

Please stand to one side to let faster pilgrims by. Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary!

Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender, taken from us in the prime of life... when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk. Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death. Now let us each remember the best things about Bender in our own way. Professor?

Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship?

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey.

And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor?

Like this video of you doing karate in your underpants. (EXCLAIMING) (GROANS) Help! Police! Send. That is low, Bender, even by your standards.

Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

What are you? Blind?

(GASPS) I found it! I don't understand. There's no Earth certificate in here. TRAVERS: No, there isn't. (ALL GASP) I told you not to look. So, you're not from Earth after all.

I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base. Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?!

If you don't believe me, ask my uncle. Prosecutor, your opening statement? Yeah, honey, I'll be home for dinner. The prosecution rests, Your Honor. Very well. We will reconvene when the jury reaches a verdict.

(BEEPING) Leela's wrist thingy. How can I help you?

And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen? Since this is a championship match, we are gonna need some lava!

If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand! Hoverfish, bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez.

See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight,"

Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars.

Big Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man working the trans-universal line. Wow, you've had the exact experiences I want to steal for my song. Oh, heck, I'm nothing special.

The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

(GASPS) Fry did it? Ow! You're a horrible person! And your carelessness nearly cost the life of my best friend. (WHISPERS) You.

I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny!

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here.

(SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish.

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no!

That's my philosophy. So, where are you going to stay? Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me? Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing?

I...N...G... an... Amy, this is for you-- A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes.

This is how you treat me? After all the good news I've given you over the years? Well, if you don't want Bessie, you don't want me. Goodbye!

Forget it. As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit. I could vomit or urinate. Would you feel better about that? Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing.

Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip?

Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police! You may have eluded the authorities,

I've never seen it before. My friend left it here. Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table.

It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this! Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif.

That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up!

I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS)

So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then-- Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

All right, let's get this party ended.

Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so.

(LAUGHS) Be more careful, friend. My antigravity snares are virtually undetectable.

Half of you will cook, and half of you will freeze. Earth will be one big McDLT. We just got that commercial last year. Oh, yeah, smarty paws? You may have built the ratchet, but you can't reach the core without 4,000 miles of superconducting wire. (GASPS) The ball of yarn!

Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender.

The beast approacheth! To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying.

We just released an endangered animal back into the wild, a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS)

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947,

Come, Kiff we've got work to do.

Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.

What are you doing to my ship? Sanctifying it. There. That ought to convert a few tailgaters. Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo.

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine.

Could you repeat that last part?

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master. I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums,

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants! We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there!

Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably. We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again! We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents.

What kind of moronic plan is that?

So, when do I start? Everyone, this is Francis. Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping?

Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future.

Pot-roast-burning.

I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars. Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list.

I've met the most dynamite ladybot.

Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than...

That is low, Bender, even by your standards. My what now? Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991. I'll bet I can get as many followers as you without sinking to your level. What do you say? First one to a million followers wins a buck. You're on!

We need help locating the treacherous forger who forged this forgery.

We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer. A newly arrived refugee from earth--

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth.

Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN)

FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

Oh, I've failed again.

Wait. What fiddle contest? Uh... the fairness in hell act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul. As well as a solid gold fiddle.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.

Our weapons aren't strong enough to puncture a thin plastic tent that thick. No, but theirs are! (ALARM SOUNDING) Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine. Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh...

You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege. For now, I'd better scout around for food and water and help. What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say. What the hell's wrong with you?

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy?

Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go?

Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail!

You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living.

1947 can kiss my shiny metal-- Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go. And, Zoidberg, you can replace Fry. Hooray! I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine! But we still need someone to pilot the ship. Amy, what are you? Human.

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh. How could you do this, Fry?

You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production. I call the process "science."

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady

No, sir! 'Cause if you're a sinner he's going to plug his infernal modem in the wall belching smoke and flame, and he's going to download you straight to robot hell. Straight to hell! So I ask you who will stand up and be saved?

welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson! (ALL CHEERING)

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

you'll never find out. They're not filthy. They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor. There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants.

I'll take eight.

Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula.

Your training is complete, little dessert spoon. Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion...

Hot damn. A day off.

Hey, hey, hey! I got me a souvenir. Aw, here you go, kid. I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. We don't sell those. All right, all right.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun

Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image. And in the end, that's all I really have. That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you. If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows...

Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it.

That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man! You old lunatic! How ya been? Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup!

Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY)

Okay, we're at the dump. Where should we heave this stuff? It's not a dump. It's the company housing we built for our employees. Only place we can afford now. So just drop it here on this bloody mattress?

Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time.

So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger?

But without his Scooty-Puff jr., he cannot escape. Huh? A quantum interface bomb? Are you insane in the membrane? You got it, Poindexter!

Being poor sucks.

Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing.

We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely. Now, in the name of all that is good and honorable we'll call the Neutral president with a message of peace, then blast him.

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him! Here's corpsey!

Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo! Well, now you know--

Nothing except an even equally big monster.

A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass.

But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me.

But look in your heart and ask yourself,

If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots. I am fully operational, Captain. We'll have to walk like robots talk like robots, and if necessary solve complex differential equations like robots. I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help?

Well, come on in. From those humble beginnings, Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain. And so it is my pleasure today, to nail her picture... alongside those of our most distinguished alumni.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for?

Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now! Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure. Replacing your testosteroil with fembot lubricants can cause wild mood swings.

is she all right? I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer!

Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence.

What do you say, Johnny? It's on me.

At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor!

As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being a chump.

You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots. That's so filthy it just might work. The man is going to touch Mommy? Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet. Professor, please.

I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

(SCREAMS) He's dead!

Go, Masked Unit! Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later.

Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture?

You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow!

It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them. I'd kill them all.

English - US - Line 21

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters. God help us!

He was the greatest of all.

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements.

Okay, take a deep breath. You're having a little lovers' quarrel, but I'm sure you'll work everything... (GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

What, and have the Mafia come after me, too? No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs.

Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island. Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside.

Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I--

No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners.

Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles!

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains. Initiate space/time transfer! Hey!

The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.

Euclid, Copernicus, Braino. And my personal role model, Leonardo da Vinci. What turned them to stone? Da Vinci was history's greatest artist and inventor.

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day.

Well, I got you this time. It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

He may not be perfect, but do we really want some unknown new guy? I'll stick with the evil maniac I know, thank you. Well, I think we can do better. This year, I'm going to get involved in the political process and make my voice heard. What?

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous. Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news.

(COUGHING) (ALL GASPING) Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country! Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era.

Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory. Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now? You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie!

Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow!

Like putting too much air in a balloon!

(SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off.

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value.

Who wants a fish? Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry.

(ALARM BUZZES) Huh? My alarm clock? Is that the music? Not even close, you tone-deaf moron. FARNSWORTH: Now get out of bed and start dreaming. (GASPS) My old apartment. My old turtle.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm.

You idiot. I'm not a cannon. Huh. I guess I am a cannon.

Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye?

You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so... Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface.

Here he is! Come and get him!

Unthinkable! I wouldn't think of it!

Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail. You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup. And that's that. What'd I miss?

Yep. Stolen Pez anyone?

The only question is who should be our spokesman? Me, me. Choose Zoidberg. Zoidberg a diplomat? The list of things I've heard now contains everything.

Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin.

Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see.

My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil? Well, I got a label for you, pal-- an ugly little word called "prejudice." I'm not prejudiced. Aw, save it for the cross burning, Adolf.

Hmm... This "love" intrigues me. Teach me to fake it. Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating.

Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot. Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time!

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk!

I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages. Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down. You should try some sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs.

But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.

Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist. Then let's find some that do.

The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won.

Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep. But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery. Hey, I like the way you think. Oh...! Oh, Lord.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me!

Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too. - Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP)

No! No! Brace yourself-- for when I speak these words, you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is--

I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it. Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm...

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it. No more killing.

with no entertainment except the (SHOUTS) rigged Bingo!

Deploying ice drill. Wow! That ice dispenser's so big, the ice crushes you. Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't. Activating ice drill!

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye! Welshie!

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon.

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed?

Stop taking advantage of the money-saving 12-pack. Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had. Ow!

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford.

Preparing for takeoff.

where there will be no escape... from the fun. All robots must attend! Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party-- one of the most social events imaginable? It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots.

Fry, what the hell were you people thinking back then? How could you just throw your garbage away? Hey, hey, give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans.

Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING) Man, the future is a total craphole,

Surely you agree that a quick semi-painless death... is a damn sight better than weeks of starvation. Well, I suppose, but I mean, I joined Penguins Unlimited to love penguins, not to hunt them. This time the two are one and the same. Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer?

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun. D'oh! Hey.

It's hopeless. We might as well turn in my head for the five-cent deposit. No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two.

Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear. When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery, so you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light-years. Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.

My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man.

Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no. Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse. Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose. We've got to get Fry back into that dream so he can remember where he heard those tones. Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer.

Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up.

And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide.

Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will?

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to--

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you.

All right, all right. If it'll make you happy, I'll overthrow society.

(PEOPLE YELLING)

They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles. We can't call them that. Why not? It sounds too much like those frozen Rocky Mountain oysters on a stick. You know, Testsicles.

Good news, multiplayers. After a lifetime of toil, I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science. So we can leave early? Certainly not.

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their...

Hey! I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name?

Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

Is this him? (ALL CHEER) Fry! You're alive! Not only that, I now know exactly how to end my comic book. Let's watch. FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead, because I'm going to shoot you in it! Not if I leap in front of your death ray,

They're going to take pity on him! Do something! Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed.

This ain't good. System error.

I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject.

the exhausted salmon enters the final phase of its life cycle. The female deposits her eggs and the male fertilizes them. Okay, who's next? There's a lot more where that came from! (COUGHS) I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating?

This is my sweet little Betsy.

Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man?

He killed my second-to-last Agnew. Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk! I'm addressing the planet. ROSEMARY: First, brush your teeth! Yeah, yeah.

And when I woke up, it was on me! You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little.

BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS)

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched.

Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here.

No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot. From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing. Ah!

Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man.

Fry? Where are you? Right here, baby. (GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me? Ah! Alone and unhooked. Let the evening begin.

And you have inoperable cancer. Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon!

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass.

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages? Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

That should've been me! The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil... in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery. That's my clover! Yancy stole it!

But that is so what I would've done.

Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side. Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead? Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes.

Get me the president. Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess.

And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions? Why, certainly. Step over here.

The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes--

Here, Mr. Peppy. Mmm, lovely bones. We've been walking for hours. I hope we can find our way back. Don't worry, I left a trail of bread crumbs. And I left a trail of cigars.

For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch.

Destructor! So, we meet again. Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl. Keep laughing, Funog. Ready, Bender?

Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt?

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

(GRUNTS) Ah! Cushiony. (CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body. Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

The good news is, they can't start breeding. The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring. That lucky bastard. I say kill it!

The captain's table. What an honor. Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine. Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come.

Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here. He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things.

Tastes may have changed, but our secret recipe sure hasn't. Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point?

(HUMMING) Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing.

I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING) Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys.

with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me?

First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum! Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, I have placed in orbit a giant mirror... that will reflect 40 percent of the sun's rays, thus cooling Earth. Observe.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

I couldn't make that out. Too much static. Eww!

Oh, stupid TV. Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

Oh, man, there's always a catch!

Waaa-aaaah! He was fun.

How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots.

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned. At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all. Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not. Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual.

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth! (SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

Lady and gentleman,

What, you didn't read the pamphlet?

Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish.

Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages,

Help! When I screamed, "Help," I didn't mean you! I apologize. However, I was able to do your job before I saved your life.

We're gonna have A tv party tonight all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do

I don't like the looks of this, Mr. President. Shall I switch it off? Negative. Rosemary, release the Surgeon General. ROSEMARY: Get in there! Ow! It's bright out here. Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed. Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections.

Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me! (SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING)

(YAWNS) Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So, what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple? I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form.

Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action!

(BEEPING) It's over, Jezebel. Grab your things and get out. I didn't bring any things. That's what I like best about you, baby.

(ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise.

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart. You go fight biggest brain of all.

By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop! Take my hands

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura. Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub.

There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. And that's the ultimate secret of the universe? Apparently so. Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Dear Liza.

What? That's horrifying! Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster. What are you, my driver's license? Eating a sweet, innocent chick before it's even hatched? Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal. I'm going to keep this egg safe and warm and secure until it hatches out into the world.

Hey! Turn that damn music... up!

In theory, it could work. Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous.

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy.

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa, raspberry vinaigrette. That twizzler! As for me, I went temporarily insane... and wound up here, making pies out of shoes. My story's a lot like yours,

So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads. Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

Yes. It was in all the papers. Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark!

Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good.

Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what?

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too.

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat.

Overruled, Counselor. Could you repeat that last part? Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there. Okay, it's your turn.

Ahem. For my next trick, notice I have nothing up my sleeves...

(ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head. That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold.

Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems.

Well, I'm bushed. Good night. Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans.

- Aah! - What the...?! 'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

Scruffy's work here is done.

Hey, Bender? Yeah? Whoa!

Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Yakov Smirnoff said it. No, he didn't. Activating ice drill!

Uh, well, uh... the question is-is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching... At any rate, I certainly wouldn't harm the child.

It's pur-practically pur-perfect.

Aw. That is so true and sweet. You're smart, you're beautiful, and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand. You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different. Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives.

Take that, you stupid corn

(ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it. Of course you could. You'd be stupid not to.

Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace? Remember, Professor, Bender is Santa. So we don't need to hurt him, right? Yes, yes, yes!

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind!

Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha!

All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. I love you, buddy. Countess!

Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine. Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it! Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello."

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show. Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn?

So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits? No, I think it's self-explanatory. No!

My God, you're a mess.

You know, that dance wasn't as safe as they said it was.

Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636. They planted traditional college foliage: Ivy, trees, hemp. Soon, the whole planet was terra-formed.

It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming...

- Ten dollars, please. - Oh, man! Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother.

You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

Poor Tex. He was quite a shark. Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win. Oop, sorry. Bender, how did you get in here? As your agent, I have access to you at all times. Since when are you my agent?

And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

I'm just checking out his tats. Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

it's because I bought it at that same auction. Indeed so. Most indeededly. Careful with that, you fool! No! No! But possibly yes. What is it, Professor?

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir, I'm-- I'm a little nervous about meeting her family. That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite.

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older!

So? What you been up to since you left the orphanarium? Oh, livin' in a box, fightin' the shakes. You? Sellin' kidneys, teeth. Whatever falls out of me. And what am I up to, you ask? Why, I'm a very successful space captain. - Oh! - Wow!

I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow!

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is? Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure,

We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ?

Funny, funny stuff. My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't.

Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

(WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us!

You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter.

Rats. just another tooth.

God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'"

Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls. Oh, man, there's always a catch!

I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu. Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout--

But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed. I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it?

But Fry-- His jacket-- And when I woke up, it was on me! You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right.

It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

- What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww. Oh, it's hopeless. I did something so great that it won Leela's heart, and I'll never ever know what it was. My life is empty. Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample.

The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

I'm free! All right, brain! Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

Nope. Not vaccinated, either.

to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap. Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship...

Oh! Those poor, doomed bastards. I guess it's up to me to complete the mission.

Wait. This isn't a barrel. It's just a stinking cask! I want my money back! Ow! (GRUNTING)

Take notes, Kif. You're about to witness the subtle waltz known as seduction.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait.

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go.

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two,

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe!

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft.

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

So I said to Kitty, "The only way to keep the butler from running away... is to cut off his foot!" Ah! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, it reminds me of a joke I heard about upper middle-class people--

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home... on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99. Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

Hold me in your arms And let me be the one

Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

That's using your ass. So what's the word?

This is it. Well, at least we get a window.

Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals? Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy.

Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

There's just no place for me in this world. Although, on the other hand...

(CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable.

Pretty annoying, huh, Leela? What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you. What? Oh, this is horrible. I won't be able to hear Fry's opera.

(GROWLS) (BOTH PROTESTING) Hey!

honoring the year's most accomplished delivery boys. Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle. Good luck, Dwight. (RINGS BELL) And the nominees are Johnny Jensen from Rent-A-Cat,

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Because I've always wanted to.

Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit. I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him.

Okay, you can have my nose.

Incredible! Zoidberg had friends? It was a different time.

I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry?

the Blips and the Cruds.

Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job. Well, I do think of human life as expendable. No fair. Leela was training me to be captain.

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth.

You make a persuasive argument, Fry. Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes!

Fembots? Methinks a clever manbot, suitably disguised, might win those events. But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace. What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name!

Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus!

(GROANING) (GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant.

Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault.

I am unstoppable!

You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me. No, we can't. Once on Earth, you will be too stupid to remember the message. That's why we wrote it down for you. We've also prepared a bag lunch and some mittens.

but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge. Why would he go to Queens? He doesn't need tires.

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

Yeah. Looks like everybody's got somebody... except me. And me.

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers!

There they are! Gotcha! Dig it.

Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

Tiparillo? Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible.

I translated more Martian symbols. There's a way off this planet. That underground pyramid isn't a pyramid, it's a rocket ship!

Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole.

Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck.

So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut!

Can we have some money? Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

(EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy. Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us. Why, Major MacZongo, why?

I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief!

Yeah! DO it! Well, this is the real me, but I can explain. We all have needs.

Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time,

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications.

Well, Jezebel's heart did wander When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender. Hey, thanks for noticing.

What just happened?

It's so big and empty. My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes.

Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn.

Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her. What I want to know is what is up between you and Bossy Boots here. Her? She's just a bossy friend. Exactly! She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job!

Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Oh! Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that.

The eyePhone records everything. All I did was add a laugh track and twit it to my 10,000 followers. (LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate. What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus,

(EXCLAIMS) He's mine! Back off, missy! (BOTH GRUNTING)

Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball. (MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban. AMY: The Great Pyramid at Giza!

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

Now, tragedy... That's funny.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small.

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate,

There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec.

And we're out of business. Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this.

We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites. Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed.

Bada-boing. Hey, sexy, I'm Bender. What brings you to this tacky soiree? I'm the bride. Oops. How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair.

My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines. Too bad you can't spend it.

Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires.

Guh! It's Mom--

It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons.

There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama."

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under! Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me.

Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated. Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say?

Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should? Yes, I do.

Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money! Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man.

Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all!

I'm sorry I let you down, Son. Who are you again? It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

No! Don't give up now. We're but a stone's throw from the pyloric sphincter.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course!

Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work-- Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you.

when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky. I see you're still able to limbo under the bar of fashion sense. That's it, Barbados Slim! You have gone one toke over the line!

Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back!

(PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night.

This company's circling the drain, I tell you! I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold! A complete sandwich? You got fleeced. I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

(CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

There were no survivors. This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis.

Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating. I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned...

Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah! Also, I got this goin'.

Hmm. It should look like this. But instead it looks like this. Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this.

Mmm-mm! Mmm-uuh!

Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

that'll someday form a nutritious fungus.

You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Why don't you come on over sometime And have ourselves a really good time Talk about whatever inside

Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

Oh, dear. It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho. I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point.

What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn.

And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions. That's a full-time job.

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon.

I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Whoo-whooooo! Waaah! Leela, you can stop winning now. We won. I'm too short to reach the hand brake!

we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose.

We flew here in your great stone pyramid. Seriously? That thing flies? Of course. Your people left it so we could escape. I translated your warning that the world was doomed. Not your world. Our world. We put calendar there to warn you not to visit Mars. It Mars that gonna be destroyed.

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

(ALL LAUGHING) Some doomsday machine! It barely killed anyone!

Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

Ew. What's bringing the stank? It ain't my gambling diaper. I just changed it. Must be the shrimp. It's working. Zoidberg, what are you doing? Sorry, I'm just so hungry. Don't spoil your appetite. You need to eat 300 pounds of cash salad.

I wasn't wearing it.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets!

As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD)

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck. Darling, Hubie I should never have tried to tamper with that cute little Q.T. McWhiskers.

Yes! And I managed to sneak some out in the usual place.

No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me. That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming...

I think we've seen enough. (ELASTIC CREAKING) Too much, actually. Come on, let's try somewhere else. Wait, wait, perhaps discerning customers like yourselves would be interested in an item from our discount rack. Quality is the most important thing. How much is it? 90% off.

So long, everyone. So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes. Okay, Bender we're here.

My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

You better not do that at the concert. I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, I get stuff in my throat. You are so disgusting. I--

All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing.

Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy?

for a person with one eye. Hey! You can't feel sorry for me. I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers. Well, if it isn't old One Eye.

Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

The attention Cobb's receiving is inflating his ego. It's going totally Kanye. Wow! There's a humungous fungus among us. Oh, Sully, you were the best partner I ever had, both on the beat and in the sack.

Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it!

But where can we find a substance the exact density and consistency as garbage? Alas, I don't know. Uh, what about garbage? Good lord! A second ball of garbage. That just might work. But garbage isn't something you just find lying in the streets of Manhattan. This city's been garbage-free for 500 years.

But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this.

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow.

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey!

You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets!

I'm back, Crab Dip. What you watching? Only a documentary about the greatest actor in the world. Ah, yes, Calculon. I happened to snap a picture of him taking some time with his biggest fan.

She's so gorgeous, you hardly even notice the tentacles. And if you're worried, you can always move down here with us. In the sewer, you'll fit right in. (FOOTSTEPS SQUELCHING) Sewer mail! He's single.

We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right.

Sorrow, anger, fear-- every emotion an actor can display.

the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period.

Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right.

Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar! Elzar, you're my god. Please sign this sketch I drew of you.

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her.

Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Now if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver... Wait. What fiddle contest? Uh... the fairness in hell act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul.

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is--

from the alien ship into its original design.

What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met.

I love it even more than I love my seven wives. That's right. I'm a polygamist. Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag.

Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people.

Wake up, buddy. End of the line.

Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome.

Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Delivery boy? No! Not again.

We now go live to the delivery room, where we're already at there. (MOANS) Ow! Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room.

Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh.

Try and stop me. Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry.

And we're both men.

And now, let us salute that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag, Ol' Freebie. I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

Two thousand forty five, 2,046.

She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about? Uh... Close enough. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

That's coming out of your pay.

By the Bard's quill! I'm alive! (ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science!

My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now.

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two.

They won't stop until every human is dead.

(ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that, but who am I to argue with a man from the sky? So long, space heroes. You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans.

Ow! Paper cut! (HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo.

I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty.

Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art. (CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY) That is one sexy bridge abutment.

Son, I think I can safely say-- As you can see, 1947 is going to be...

This is unbelievable. The old Bender never would have taken us out to dinner. The old Bender's gone. He won't trouble you anymore. Would monsieur care to see the wine list?

Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?! They're being crushed into powder and sold as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer. False hope. I love it.

Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style. As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I faced different challenges. The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.

Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete

we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk.

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender.

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers.

For you, my lovely rugelach. Thank you. It's Gardenia imperialis. You can brew it into a tea if you like severe stomach cramps. Such a smart one! You know everything about flowers.

Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female. But most importantly, when I didn't have any friends, it-it made me feel like maybe I did.

(GASPS) (CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine. Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century! Not big enough. We need somethin' that can take out an entire army--

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Whoo-hoo! I'm slightly richer! What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots? I'm gonna swim with a whale! They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that. Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts.

Oh, man, there's always a catch!

It's not too late. You can still win the election. No, I can't. The Earthers are right. I have no Earth certificate. But you will have one in just a few hours. And everyone will know it's real, 'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV.

They're all... But us guys from under the red sun, we're like... Right? Am I right? Oh, yeah, he's right.

Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos.

One puny human got a look at the robber-- Here we go. Here we go! Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular-- Yeah! Make me famous, big head! Caucasian human male. What?

Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day.

just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing But-- No-- But, Bender-- I'm telling you my broken friend Put your hands in the air like you just don't care - NO-- - I'm telling you my broken friend - Can do most - Cut it. Anything Cut it.

Mommy? Why is that man like that? Don't look at him.

the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper.

How much is it?

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

Have you forgotten my lifelong dream of being a folk singer? Because I sure have until right now.

Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives. AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose. Hand me some more of that cruise director.

This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that? You want to come out? No! Stop!

We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape?

Let's pick up the pace, people. At this point in the actual war, the death toll was 98 million. (CHUCKLES) You humans and your fragile organs.

Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh.

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa!

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now!

And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other.

Either you're going to shoot me, or I'm going to spray whip cream in your eyes and walk out of here like a big shot. Bender, no!

You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter-- Please send the man round back and pick up Clyde Smith,

We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest!

I'll see you during the recess. If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez.

Amazing. Some dumb bastard has nearly a million other dumb bastards following his every twit! Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards? Why are you so angry, Mommy?

We figure, "whatever." But then we get trapped by encroaching ice age. Now we sealed in under sky of ice. So my sadness makes perfect sense. And I do have vague memories of people refusing to breed with me!

Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy... acting talent!

This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister. We should be back at Planet Express right now, hiding from work in the ceiling. But no! For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die!

I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent. The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder?

Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo.

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Four million lines of BASIC.

I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my.

Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

I want to know what's in it. I have no idea, Leela. But I'll tell you the same thing they told me, "Stop asking questions, old man, "and we'll slip you an extra five grand "that your crew doesn't need to know about." (GRUNTING) Now, listen carefully.

What a nightmare! Mr. Fry, are those your underpants?

And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch. Yeah, I'll keep the kidney cool, no problem.

(WIND BLOWING) Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale. Leela, we need to talk.

Union forever! Lousy scabs! They can't do those things! Et cetera!

Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person. Ooh! Hmm. Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax?

the robot industry-- I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it. Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat!

What is that sexy stink?

just give me a back rub. I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos." Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go? Nibbler!

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Well, at least you got bending out of your system. Yes. I won't be up to bending again for a long, long time. Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment.

If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender. Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four.

I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead.

I'm sick of my head doing things. Leela! Fry, I came to talk to you. No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever. I am so, so sorry for what I did, and I know I can never make it up to you. You don't have to apologize. In fact, I came to thank you.

Well, take this!

Time for you to shut up!

Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck!

Amazing grace How...

You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela. What's happening? Space cow? The ship's just taking the breakup a little hard. She's nuts! In a few moments, the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together...

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no!

Call technical support.

(GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING)

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere.

(EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people! Mom, Dad, Grandma, this is where I work. Oh! Was there a fire?

No need to pack pants, people!

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again.

We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

Attention, followers.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) I don't know if you've heard the news, but it's good, everyone.

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am.

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

But we just had jobs. Fortunately, I still have our old career chips. Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand.

My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo.

Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go.

Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk!

I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality.

But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way. So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha!

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home. Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone?

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

Your Medicare dollars at work. Halt!

He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me.

of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe. Wipe out all thought? My God! They're like flying televisions! And even we are powerless to stop them, fearsome though we are.

Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room.

Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word.

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh.

Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you. Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him.

(SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please.

The cat is evil! We have proof!

And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman?

So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds.

Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you.

(MOANING) (RAPID BEEPING) (GASPS) Vaxtron! It's not what it looks like! But it's very similar to that! My world has been, like, shattered. I hate you both. Oh! They thought this Vaxtron could replace me?

He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on! Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead.

So what? Have you forgotten my lifelong dream of being a folk singer? Because I sure have until right now. Silicon Red! Silicon Red! (PANTING) Hey, I have a lifelong dream, too. Of not being left alone with a frozen super-villain. (STEAM HISSES) (EXCLAIMS) Don't try anything, Dr. Brutaloff! I know karate.

That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident.

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender!

It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING)

We'll begin with point one... ...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING)

I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming." Oh, hurry up, please. I want to get back to the head museum. Don't worry, Miss Anderson. This won't take long. Now, your motivation is, you're back in the year 2000 and your head's still on your body and you want a cheese pizza.

How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet! Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already.

Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal.

To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77!

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah.

They're supposed to be some kind of pine tree. Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there. Everything's changed.

Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend.

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING)

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Yeah, but what a way to go. "Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

our crew has to pop, lock and bust the freshest.

Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines. But, Bender, you are a--

Queequeg, let go of me. I have to kill it! Farewell! You will all be trapped in this dense symbolist tome... forever!

what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime? Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this. Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred...

Oh. That's a little bright.

I really like it.

I fixed my hearing aid. (HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids.

Uh, me no speaka da English.

Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course. They're not extinct yet. And if you need further proof that this is really a thousand years ago well, here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson. Ooh.

Nibbler? Nibbler, you're scaring me. Nibbler!

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then. Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu.

Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location?

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet.

Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger.

You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later.

It's even a crummy hologram. I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV. Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great.

Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much.

I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

$1,200? Holy zombie jesus!

You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

It is the finest available.

just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting,

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams. If only I could hear your voice again. (GASPS) (MACHINE BEEPS) Hello, it's me, Fry!

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas! Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender. No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057.

Do we have enough money to pay Bender's fine? 78... 79... 79.50. Crud. We're 50 cents short. I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet. Hey, that's my old bank. Maybe my account's still open.

(SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk. Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

The jackass wants to see you in his quarters. Good. This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain.

Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

Me, apologize? Never! I came to this planet to learn the meaning of freedom! But I say it's you who should get a nice lesson! So do your worst, because no punishment... could be bigger than denying me my freedom! You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish.

Except the salmon. Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward, but I'd like to mate with you in a few years when we're sexually mature.

May I have one too, wife? Ah, you're both pathetic-- being jealous of your own offspring. Now, you should be happy that they became successes... instead of following in your food stamps. Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural. Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

You did it, Fry! Did what?

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species,

Want to go around again? I do.

Quality is the most important thing. How much is it? 90% off. An unpleasant fellow ordered them last year but never paid. Most unpleasant, that one. That sounds like something Year-Ago Professor would do. We'll take them.

After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that.

Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background.

Ooh, love, I won't let you go (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, gang. I think we have all the clues we need to solve the mystery of the haunted cloning machine.

Duh, duh, duh! They went this way!

Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is. That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show.

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner.

Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

Good news, everyone. You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium... has named Leela "Orphan of the Year."

I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

Happy birthday!

Monsanto presents...

Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen.

(SCREAMS) Mars is being blasted out of its orbit. Fry, you noble idiot.

The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk?

Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign.

Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her,

You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either. If you even tell anyone I was here, they'll say I set the fire. So, please, for me, cram it?

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know. Bender? Bender!

I never want to see you again!

I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen! Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end! Police! You're busted!

Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob. Good work, Evans. You've got a future around here. Thank you, sir.

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck.

This is how you treat me? After all the good news I've given you over the years? Well, if you don't want Bessie, you don't want me. Goodbye!

And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

- Hey, what are you doing? - This. Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you.

You know, to become a barber. This can't go on. Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world. Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent. Silence!

Now for some tasty matter. (DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender.

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them.

(SCREAMING) Me! Thank God you've come! This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere. But we wish you Godspeed. Please! Please let me come with you. I can make myself taller. Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself,

Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair. Ooh. Ho-ho-ho.

- Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific.

As always, once I release the fox,

He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne? Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible!

I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow!

But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

their rich, tasty courage.

(POWERING UP) (ALL GASP) My God! Robot Saint James is a zombie. Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in The Last Supper.

All right, enough of this.

Enjoy your breakfast. Ah, let's face it. Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy... That's funny. Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien. Great idea.

(BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness? Both. Whoa! I still don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I love you. And I wanna be here beside you. Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over.

Hey, Betty Friedan, send a little of that lotion my way. Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic. Ooh.

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here.

Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get.

Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag! Stop that Red Menace!

Futurama. Noun. Um, I don't know. You just watched it, dummy.

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is...

Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. You see, Og everything's running smoothly. And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry.

Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey. Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat.

Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here.

Wow. Nice tube.

Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this.

One more hit, and we're done for!

screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

Ach! I could have fired a V-8!

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) LEO: This very lucky casino we own. Someone wins one million dollar every hour! Usually it us.

Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry.

That's the best thing I ever saw.

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables,

Shut up, Hawking! Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws? To find out, we'd have to recreate the conditions before the big bang.

I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God, I loved it. I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love-- Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong.

Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten, after all. What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself. Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart. But don't you see? Fear has brought us together. That's the magic of Xmas. That's a big crock of--

What's going to happen to us now, Dad? Well, I reckon we'll just sit around this campfire a while. But then what? Only a fool plans more than a few centuries ahead, Son.

When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers.

Oh, yeah. We were totally in sync. I was like, "Save them!" And he was all, "No problem." And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now.

I can't believe the Zookeeper is this late for his own heist. It's just... rude.

Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock.

So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear.

How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me.

Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down (WHIMPERING)

I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys,

Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife? If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines. Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs!

He's walking on sunshine now.

You are so disgusting. I--

It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw!

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked.

My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror. Phew. For, you see, you are a were-car. A were-car? The car that ran you down on the moors was also a were-car. It beamed the virus to you through its demonic headlights.

TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor.

Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do.

There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice.

But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender He gave me mechanical ears Effective though just a bit garish

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little.

to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime. "Download a celebrity from the Internet."

That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead?

Mm-mm-mm! You save us-a, sir. If we cannot-a make-a Earth-a pizza, our dream-a will die, just like rats we crush to make the wine.

This here is our penguin preserve.

I've got a Baggie of massage oil, and I'm gonna give you my super back rub, just like I used to give Amy when I was going out with her, and she always seemed to-- Uh-oh. Sorry you struck out, sausage link. If it's any consolation, my life is great.

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person. Ooh! Hmm.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style.

Fire! Look out!

Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows.

And the winner is...

How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly!

Neat. Welcome to Jurassic Tank.

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something.

Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died.

Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune.

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk.

Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human!

If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus. Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd.

I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else.

I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins!

all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land.

Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever.

I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow.

So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it.

There's a window in the closet. Whoa.

It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing. Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan.

While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals. It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy.

Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers. Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh.

I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing

Fine. I'll go already. You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though. Mmm. Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey!

Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Bender! Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life! Hi, boss. Yo, dude.

Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo!

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

What's wrong? That's no lady.

Kick it. He could make a good hat rack He only has to stand there Or a cheap doorstop He doesn't need to move Or a great big giant thermos Giant thermos With a twist-off top That would be good for soup He could be a storage closet For outdated pants

I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers. Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar? Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien.

Whoa! If only someone could tell us more about these traditions. Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot. And I'm gonna tell you all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here?

just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace?

You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up. You want a banana?

(HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what? Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion...

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care.

I'm not a hologram, though I am crummy. Hank Aaron XXIV. Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king.

But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama!

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed. Son, I'm the commissioner of ultimate robot fighting. I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen. You should see me at funerals. Kid, I want you in the ultimate robot fighting league.

500. Mercy me-- a million. Two. Six. Fourteen. I can see the nice young man really wants those little fish. Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number.

Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little.

Here, let me do it. Lousy arm must be rigged. That's her, Officers. That's the woman who programmed me for evil.

Let it ride! (ALL GASP)

Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Also, this grease is flammable. (GRUNTS) Incredible! Who could have done this, the sewer mutants? No, this isn't mutant language.

No way. I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents.

(GASPING) The printer. Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open. Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie,

That's a full-time job. And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right! Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound?

Not bad for a city boy, huh? By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now.

(ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Let it ride! (ALL GASP)

Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown.

Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway. Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation.

Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now.

How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha! Aw, yeah!

(SOBBING) That's right, I said it. I said it. (WAILING)

I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on! Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead.

The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect... is a miracle. Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.

Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago. You can't expect me to honor what Year-Ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish.

No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all. Dear God, you brought back the bone vampire? The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries. Aye, until MacZongo here shot 'em all into extinction, he did.

They'll kill us on sight.

You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds. Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard!

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know.

There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen.

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself,

We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

We take them to our leader. She know what do.

Hmm! Sons, daughters, meet Uncle Fry. Hey, why are those kids following you? Do you have candy stuck to your ass? No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them! Oh! You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me. Quit it.

Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum. Whatever its beef is, our one mission now is to get that monument to Earth. Correction: our one mission now is to avenge the loss of that monument.

Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything? Yep. We're there. Prepare to surface! And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

Fine. I'll go already. You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though.

somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas. Gee whiz, Santa.

From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, "Bender didn't do that! "It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500.

(CROWD APPLAUDING) Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii, Chris Travers! (CROWD CHEERING) He won the nomination! We, the people, did it! It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant.

One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court!

I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Fry, I know those cookies are fresh-a-licious, but they produce an awful lot of trash.

Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water.

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains. Initiate space/time transfer! Hey!

Our poodle has two daddies.

I suppose you're here to tell me to pack it in?

Kill him! Kill the traitor! Hey, it's the guy who desecrated our flag!

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this. We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now.

Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing? - Would you like to take a moment to register me? - I said later.

So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud? Actually, we've decided to go in a different direction. What if I told you we wouldn't be fighting in the conventional sense?

(GASPS) The ball of yarn! Quite. Even so, you'd still need a tremendously powerful static charge to trigger the process.

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up. Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would. Sorry, everyone, but need I remind you?

Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else!

Wait. Allow me.

Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name! What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear.

Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Oh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic.

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em! Now, this is the high life, watching apes mangle each other near celebrities. In my day, we went to coke parties, but the principle's the same. Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape! Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge,

Whoa, where is it? Come on. Oh!

I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half.

Ew! What a dump! Oh! just like old times. Gosh. The bars on the windows seemed so much thicker back then. Mr. Vogel?

Yeah, I noticed your sign. I thought I'd learn a bit about your program here. What we do is make you starve to death. One, two, three! Pull! One, two, three! Pull! Ah, bloody chunder! Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job!

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned. At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all. Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not.

The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant, evil brain... with a gooey center of pure hate. Only Fry, with his superior yet inferior mind, can approach it. You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me. No, we can't. Once on Earth, you will be too stupid to remember the message.

Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

Well, it's all very nice here but we should be going. I miss me wife and me oxygen. Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases. Come on, Fry. Wait.

and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside.

The toilet. I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender.

Ladies and gentlemen, Conan O'Brien's head. Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max.

Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming.

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube!

Aah! Relax, you babies. It's no different from stomping a puppy. (GRUNTING) Everyone, stop! He's not going to hurt you. I'm standing in a pool of my own feet! Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it! No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy!

So just drop it here on this bloody mattress? (SOBBING) Thanks, Tissue Ghost. DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore.

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch. I mean, I'm pulling down delivery-boy money. Fry, she's pulling down billionaire trust-fund money. Then she wants me as a trophy husband. Leela, you gotta come to Europa with us. I can't be alone with her.

You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace. You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny.

Aw, it's all my fault! Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos?

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS)

Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly.

The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

Switch bodies? I don't see why not. I also don't see why. (CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry!

Where are you hiding, you coward? Get out here and get murdered like a man! Bender, I'm afraid our search is at an end. He's obviously long gone. Oh, yeah? Well, maybe this is him in a costume!

Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background.

He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

KIF'S MOTHER: Welcome to our home. KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me. Wait, you're flies. Don't you eat excrement? KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this. Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed.

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure. You, sir, have defaced a national treasure.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow!

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

Rats. just another tooth. Ah...

Sincerely, Zoidberg." Oh, isn't that nice he took the time?

Let's go live it up! Hey, look at this crowd. You guys gotta try the pasta. It's got a real nice profit margin. Bam! So, special occasion tonight? Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's happened!

Look at this sissy, Kiff. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice. I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong.

I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go?

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless.

- (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING HOARSELY) Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right!

Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what?

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug!

(MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk? Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood. Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

So this is where they stick old people. It's horrific. At least it keeps them from driving.

What's next, gay robosexual marriage?

But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father. Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh!

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this!

You personally knew da Vinci? (SHRIEKS) Was he nice? How did his hair smell? And on a personal note, what is the function of this device? Halt! You know not the function of the machina magnifica? Then thou art not members of the shadow society! The what now?

They said it couldn't be done, Kif, but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon. Sun. At night it's called the moon. Ugh! All this heat has rendered me parched. Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata.

You're lAte For Hebrew School!

Sounds delicious.

Kill all humans! Whoa, whoa, whoa. A toy Bender had free will, and the real Bender didn't? Pretty cool, eh? It makes you think.

Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING) (BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth!

"Pretty perfect"?

- Wow, that was great! - Hey, thanks. You a fan? I don't know. Let me see. Oh, my God, you're Beck!

Oh, monkey trumpets. You have coughed at our offer of peace, so you must die. The very bead used to crush our dreams... shall be used to crush your bones! Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

Unit 47! My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed!

Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear?

By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm? We've trashed this room but that's just a start.

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog... using the very same apparatus I used to clone you.

(CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES)

We share your pain. Mmm, if we could undo the damage... Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young!

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

Bender is falling! Whoa! Told you it was safe.

I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood!

All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm. Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right!

This is Father-Man. He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working? This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective? I could make a better mural with my butt!

I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

I'm with ya. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

(PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety,

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

Two. Six. Fourteen.

Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels." (ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. "You've been warned, people." He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth tendrils moving.

Malachi, tell thy people... that the Lord is moved by their plight.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula. Ah, Hermes. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business.

Stand back and watch the master. This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now. Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will.

and the blood of your first-born children. (SOFTLY) That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations. I've never been so moved, and I see no reason to begin now. Hobsie, flush those creatures back down the hole they crawled out of. Madam's sewage-seeking missile.

I can't believe this. Bender's supposed to murder his closest friend which I thought was me, but he went straight for you. He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in.

Say, Fry, why do you always have the munchies? And also your eyes are bloodshot, you're paranoid, and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER) (GROWLING)

You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Good news, everyone. Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this!

Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING)

(CATS YOWLING) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew!

Ready to catapult, Sinclair! Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Hermes? We thought you were the creature.

I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good!

Whoa! GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me!

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on. (SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with. But Amy and Leela aren't butterflies. Right?

Could one of you coffin-stuffers please carry me?

It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

(GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you?

Fry, distract him! Hey, Project Satan, over here! I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points! Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe.

(HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these,

How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero.

Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

Aah! Damn you! Doh!

I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades...

Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass. Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine.

(GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you." The final solar flare is going to bypass Earth and strike Mars. (ALL SCREAMING)

(SOBBING) Thanks, Tissue Ghost. DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore. This is Walgreens brand nose paper. Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake.

I'm not very smart. I appreciate your candor.

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth! (SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open! (EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too. (KIF GROANS)

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day.

(SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS)

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

Thanks to the effect of the brain rays, the people of Earth had no memory of what had transpired, except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say.

Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal!

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

It's on. (GRUNTS) No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want!

He's too surprising. Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you!

(GROANING) Oops.

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups. (BEEPS)

(LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela!

I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

Hmm. The only known entrance to the Martian reservation.

Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela! It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that! You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

The poor, demented honky. It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies,"

You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before.

My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord.

Dude, over here.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

Can't we just forget about that? Evidently not.

I'm a professor. See you in class.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

Well, I'm sure Bender's fanny is tired.

I learned that from a movie.

Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace.

See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them. Where you going, Bender? To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots. Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job.

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies.

There's such a beautiful stillness. Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you. Good? Huh. I guess they can. Anyhow, when a guy feels good about his sweetheart,

MAN: It's too violent. Oh! Very well. As leader of the free world, it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence. (FIRING) I'll have to re-edit the program. Rose Mary, have we got any type of machinery to edit tape?

Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me?

Okay. I like a challenge. Um, no. No. Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do.

Your intruder, Mother. (EXCLAIMS) That is one skugly critter. (GRUNTS) I'm not an animal, I'm a mutant being, and I demand to know where I am.

MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about... (SNORING) He won't wake up if we stay quiet.

This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone needs to return to the office immediately. Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office.

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me To one who lives there

It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold." Why with the long faces? The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them!

I'm back, baby.

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

(SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

Well, it took almost 12 hours, but it's finished. HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat. (YELLING)

All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you.

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

same as my PIN number.

That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was--

Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds!

Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two. Captain... Uh-huh? if we could speak seriously for a moment.

The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin! The big brain is defeated.

These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no.

Move it, you ugly normals!

The tracks lead here. Thanks, eagle eye. Now it's daylight. So, he should be in robot form... but be careful. Many robots are stupid and violent.

Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like, "You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are!

The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat.

I just need to reset the Clone-O-Mat from human mode... to dog mode. The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks

(HARPOON LOADING) (GROWLS AND GALLOPING) Oh, God, I'm having a Serengeti flashback. Die, you dirty giraffe!

(GASPING) Fabricio! Rest in peace, homie.

Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo!

You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face. Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

Uh... jennie McNeal you are charged with jury tampering in last week's case on account of your hot, naked affair with the foreman. How do you plead? Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on the grounds that I'm also having a hot, naked affair with the foreman of this jury.

Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

Bring it on, baby!

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment,

I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do.

She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious?

What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day. Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste.

Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness!

Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.

Yea! Whoo-hoo! Finally! Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go!

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

You take her. Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food. Right, Boxy? And now, the host of the 1,074th Academy Awards,

Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was. Buongiorno, Bender. We, the robot mafia, are prepared to lend you $10,000 at an interest rate of 10,000%. That's easy to remember. I'll take it! (RINGING)

Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot.

And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on! Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't.

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

We don't work for you anymore!

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender The shame the shame But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender

See you at din-din. I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah! Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it. It's a cheek-seeker. And... gotcha!

You sure you want to be a bender, Son? More than anything. Just remember, your daddy loves you. Remember that, will you, Son? Remember that. (SOBS) Dad, are you crying? No! I said with the mouth you're looking at.

A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir?

Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer.

Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING)

Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

People will wait for something good.

Dig in, everyone.

Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it.

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead.

Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe.

What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!

Jumping is for suckers. I'm good! Who wants a piece of me? I'll try a bite! NARRATOR: Having completed its perilous journey,

Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service.

Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary. Our transaction is complete.

They shut it down after all those people caught salmonella from the flume ride. Look. It's the symbol of Bender's old religion.

Okay, then. Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins! Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide. I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me.

Are you goin' to scarborough fair Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me

See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling. My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh! (BOTH GIGGLING) BENDER: Whoo! Whoo! (LAUGHS)

Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma.

Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING) Look out for the next thing! (SCREAMING)

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain

Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas.

(MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

Why with the long faces?

(ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good. Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams.

(LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

(LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal! It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get? Well, that depends on what one of those things is.

Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid!

Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela?

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel. Oh, please. Really? And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard,

Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them.

What are those worms doing to Fry's brain? They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power.

I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey!

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places.

Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven.

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet.

Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla! Come on, Amy. Pick a male human already.

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord. It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord." Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet! But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk.

(HUMMING) Hey, ladies, I found some. What the...

Let's go! Let's go!

(GASPS) It's another soda baby! (ALL GASPING) Damn. You got knocked up by a police officer while he was looking for your kidnapped child? Sure did! I still got it.

It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money! Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor.

Let me tell you a story from my childhood. Ah, again with the orphanarium. When I was growing up at the orphanarium,

(GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

This planet's got it going on. Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on.

By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop! Take my hands You evil, metal dog Aaah!

Worthless. I'll kill you!

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years.

Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. (BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no.

BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original.

I gotta get outta here! Leela da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi.

That's one small step for Fry-- And one giant line for admission. Wow. Um... can I have cuts? Hmm... mm... no.

hundred... thousand... miles.

(CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (MAN EXCLAIMS)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) I like it.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue. Mm-mm!

(ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan.

What the heck? Bend it! Bend it! Bend it!

Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

FRY: Hey, why are they hooked up like that? Is it some kind of Craft-matic adjustable death bed? (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous. Their bodies are being used to generate electricity.

Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus.

Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

Leela's parents blabbed. Leela, is the person that parrot is mimicking telling the truth by proxy? Yes. My parents were so hurt. I couldn't help it! But I distinctly told them not to tell anyone. We are not amused.

You heard the good news, everyone. Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera. Bye. Wait. Where do we get the ice?

Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal. I kind of hoped this whole experience...

Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious. Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair?

Pizza delivery.

and I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

I don't know which I like more smashing cars or smashing faces. Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight.

Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over! Half over? Oh! I'd give anything to hear the rest. Anything? Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying-- Anything?

Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right.

What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy, but this is the dangest wang I ever doodled. Oh, yeah!

Now sit. I said, "Sit." Bad fish!

My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

Move it along, grandma.

Hey! Don't make me go upside your head.

All right, let's get this party ended. (BOTH MOANING)

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted.

What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

One, two! one, two, three!

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools. I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad?

What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again.

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

Thank you, Walt. If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business.

Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound. Uh, look. Before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp.

No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk...

Aah! Hey-- Aah! Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from--

It's not lame, it's lame. And this thing lying on the bed? He may be a weird skin ball full of love and some kind of red juice, which is delicious, by the way, I've been drinking it every day, but we're friends. And I will not kill him.

(HORSE WHINNIES)

People, it's far, far worse than we thought.

Very impressive.

You are hereby conquered! Please line up in order of how much beryllium it takes to kill you! Damn, that's a good costume. Next up, contestant 38! I don't understand.

"In memory of the first Planet Express ship and its crew." Hang on. "It's" shouldn't have an apostrophe. This means "and it is crew." What the hell's wrong with you?

I have replaced your mother.

Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

- Hey, buddy. - (GASPING)

No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive! Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock!

Well, it was a spectacular battle, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. No damage? What about my feelings? Aw, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking this just as hard as you are. Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great!

Ow! (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

MOM: That shuffling idiot never did complete the free will unit. To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to. I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault.

They're my friends.

Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life.

(GASPS) The ship that sank in that horrible space storm? Yes. I'm afraid your friend's derriere is lost forever in the depths of the Sargaseous Sea. My ass! Sweet love of my life! Several hundred people died, too, including my wife. My ass!

Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) (GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter?

My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity!

That's normal. Next patient!

at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh?

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh.

(BUZZING) Navigation is out. We're sitting ducks. Is there an auxiliary control system? Yes, outside on the hull. But there are 20 separate control keys. No one could work them well enough to ride out these energy waves. No one? It's time to hang 20!

(ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head! For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender!

Okay, get ready. Keep watching. Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING)

There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy.

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

Is it within the city limit? I think, yes. Told you. Hey, you want to celebrate our escape? Maybe grab a shot of tequila and take in a big-league cockfight? Sure. No, wait. I was built in Tijuana. Maybe Inspector 5 still works there.

- (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING) What time is it?

I Wo-- Why the idiot convention?

What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be! (ALARM SOUNDING) Wha... The marvelous device, it's detecting a massive burst of anger from deep space!

What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that.

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here! Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

No big deal. Everybody make mistake. Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe. And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins.

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for!

Ta-da! It's a glow-in-the-dark nose... you can wear over your regular non-glowing nose. Observe. Whoa! "Clool"! Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry.

Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage.

I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp.

What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

You're ugly! (LAUGHING) (ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow!

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Apartment One-i. The old me would've made a joke about that.

Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Then you'll get off scot-free. joey, Clamps... hurry up and blindfold them before they see us some more. Hey, boss looks like somebody beat us to it. I'll assume that's a joke at my expense. Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto?

no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING) (IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that!

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a?

(WHALE SINGING) Holy crap, it's a giant space fish! Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.

All right, diamond, you won those rounds, but I've got an ace up my hole.

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times?

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science!

Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor.

No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool--

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?!

This man has over-gasped. If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened.

Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba.

No! Can I shred these contracts? No! Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

Scruffy's work here is done. (CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy.

That's impossible, because my time is worthless. Oh. Well, then there is one thing.

John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Because... I love you. Aw, yeah, baby. Feel like doin' stuff for you and stuff. Hmm! I don't believe you. If you really wanted to be with me, you'd merge your programming with mine. Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Slow down. All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards,

I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. Hi, Tinker Bell.

Hmm... Horsie to Pointy Guy Six. Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys!

These are mighty tasty.

I hid it in a secret hiding place... whose location I never told anyone, not even Scruffy. So the clover is still in the hiding place, maybe? Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York... helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around.

Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da...

You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion.

You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation?

Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela... Fine. Hurry up. ...by shooting the one he rejects. (ALL GASP) Lrrr, I'm getting angry. Don't you go through with this. She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you! Um... Oh...

Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers. (CHUCKLES) Ladies, that is the kind of can-do performance I like to see... From my new Butterfly Derby team. Which is what I am offering you to be. Because I'm the commissioner of the Butterfly Derby.

I do my best, damn it!

Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B.

Rite my riny retal rass! (OWL HOOTING)

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh!

Whatever you're trying to do, I appreciate it.

That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around.

And you seriously nailed that thing with your golf shot. Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny. And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking... Yup.

I found a missing link. It seems to be half man, half toucan. Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup. And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

Hmm... I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it?

Prairie elephant!

Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

We interrupt our program of The Jonas brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin. I'm speaking to you from the hickory farms in Grover's Mall, New Jersey, through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome...

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents!

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds.

Don't worry, Kif. I'm sure some other... beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Well, two can play at that game. And one of them is me.

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study.

That's our gift to her. Better we should die than have her learn the shameful truth of her origin. I'm with ya. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie? Look, outdoor theater. Let's get tickets. Oh, let's do.

We can't outrun it forever. Over there. Look! It's the Moon landing site. We found it.

Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot. Fry's not here. Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor.

Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it

Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her.

Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too. Perfect. This ought to make me stand out.

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence.

Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive. Lando? Told you I'd be back.

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth--

Let's never speak of it again.

Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk. I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

Very impressive. Back in the 20th century, we had no idea there was a university on Mars. Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah.

I miss him so much. There, there, Fry.

Where is he, blast it? And just recently, I learned of a modern-day Farnsworth who invented the Anti-Senility Truss. That's you, Professor. Wha... Ah, yes, the Farnsworths boast a proud and distinguished lineage.

Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire, arrived aboard his extravagant caviar-powered yacht.

Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird.

It may take a couple of hours, but... Fry, stop trying to do things for me. Whatever time we have left, just live it with me. So, you want to join the Balcony Club? The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership. Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long.

I'll protect you. Hi... Ow!

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

(GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh! What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense. Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya?

I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30.

Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof.

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent.

Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross. Fry. Aw, you guys came to watch me make out. That is so sweet. Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z.

(CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo!

So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves.

My knee, I scraped it.

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion,

That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough! I've got one dollar left, and this one I'm holding onto. Oh, no, you don't!

Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please. A little more. More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission.

which orbits an incredible rainbow giant star. All right! Let's ride! (BEEPS)

Nope. Uh-uh. Ew!

I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

Okay. Unhand me! Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history.

Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender.

(BOTH GROANING)

Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them,

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle.

All right. "Hands in the air" rhymes with "just don't care." And... finished!

Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them!

I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little.

Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful. Hey, what's that?

I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny.

I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

- Oh! - Ow! Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here.

I don't know. I should be happy. Bender's sausage just won third place. Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed! Aha, Leela, we meet again. But this time, I'm the one criticizing the sausage. (RUMBLING) (GASPING)

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day. Hmm?

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo.

The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there. Well, it wasn't a bad life. If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy. Leela, I've made up my mind.

These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

Follow me. The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose. (GRUNTS) (AMY PANTING) (ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and... - (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant!

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

No, Clamps. No clamps. Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do. Then with the clamps, Francis. Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease. (DOORBELL DINGS)

Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby.

(SIGHS) (CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad,

This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas? Here stadium where our women basketball teams play.

So we have to bring back two of each kind-- just like Noah's ark. Why two? Oh.

We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses.

I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan. Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

Well, I'm sure Bender's fanny is tired. As soon as this storm passes, let's be on our way. (CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente. Thank you for your glorious beacon.

Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County. I'm ready to seduce. I'm wearing my kissing dentures and my evening truss. Here, give her these. And if that doesn't work I got you a six-pack of champagne and a funnel.

Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that.

There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access. Uh-oh.

I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

I've never seen a supernova blow up.

Oh, yeah. Second place!

Ooh, I'm so scared.

Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas! Amy, there you go. Fry, Professor, Zoidberg.... A mighty haul for Bender. Yes! I got the most! I win Xmas! And last, but not least the sweet flower of the office...

Let's not forget that this shipwreck is also the final resting place of this brave captain. Place your bets. Whee!

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

(GRUNTS) I'm not an animal, I'm a mutant being, and I demand to know where I am. There. LEELA: Momsanto? Yes, you've discovered my floating genetic engineering facility. Our experiments would be illegal on Earth, but up here, I'm above the law.

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

Welcome home, old friend. just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor... Is that how you say Zoidberg?

Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria, just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious.

A chemical that can help us win? That sounds great.

Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are... BENDER: Faster! Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING)

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish.

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry...

Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

You can drop the hillbilly moron act. Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper?

Take this and that and one of these.

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their...

They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

Some Bart Simpson dolls.

If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

we'll all be blown to manwich meat.

Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. That's sweet, Hermes.

- Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky.

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse.

Well, that sounds like me, but I thought I got frozen. Wasn't I in the future? No, you only "dreamed" you were in the year 3000.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right!

it's been a year since my ugly husband Calculon disappeared without a trace, evidently forced into servitude aboard a crab fishing boat. So he's, like, legally dead now. Want to get married and whatever? Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's.

It's all the same crap. Hey, what's rattling around in there? It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention. To the laboratory.

(GROANS) What's wrong with you?

I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater.

Esther, you ugly.

He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio. Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore.

All right then!

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you.

Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

Ahh! Ahh! We did it! We're home free! Yes, but... I'm dying. Not 'cause of the turds. Can I have a turd? Just rest. I'm gonna get you to a vet.

Mm-hmm. I'm betting it all. Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet! Snake eyes.

Order! Order in the head! For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender! I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone.

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem?

Please, honey, I'm made of metal.

Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn! Running off, eh? You're pathetic!

Oh, livin' in a box, fightin' the shakes. You? Sellin' kidneys, teeth. Whatever falls out of me. And what am I up to, you ask? Why, I'm a very successful space captain. - Oh! - Wow! How nice for you, Leela. That's so good... for a person with one eye.

This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle.

It's so quiet. I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park.

Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence! Well? Speak up. You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters?

(ACCORDION PLAYING) (WIND BLOWING)

Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? I don't know, but we can't wait any longer.

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that? Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I?

You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it!

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Hey, look at me. I'm the Ty-D-Bol Man. I own a yacht, and everybody poops on me! (SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club.

No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

(GROANS) Amy, quit using my punching bag for golf ball target practice. It's all lumpy. It wasn't me. And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Then in nine other directions. One of the 12 of you will not pass this class. Boring. Let's hear about Walter Mondale already. Be forewarned. The only sure way to get an "A" in this class is to have lived in the 20th century. Swish.

Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh.

Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS)

(BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

I don't know. I never heard of no mayor.

Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set,

I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Oh, what's the point of fleeing? Even if we escape from those creatures, we'll still be stuck in this dimension till we starve. Wait. What about a dimensional drift? If it went through the fourth dimension before, maybe here, it'll go through the third dimension! By God, you're right!

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset.

That's coming out of your pay.

Poetic image number 37 not found.

Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Now he's flushed himself down the toilet? Who's he going to flush next? Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse. I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him.

Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff?

Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior.

What an exquisite day! That azure sky. The verdant treetops. Those delightful birds with their chirp, chirp, chirp and their tweet, tweet, splat.

Now, run along. Thanks, Adlai. I guess you never really outgrow being an eyeball-- Oddball. Nonsense, you're a space captain. That's a fine, conventional profession. Well, you know. It's just for a package delivery service.

Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast.

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty. Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty.

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy? Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one. Daddy has a present for you today. Do you know what it is? It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do.

Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it!

It's a meaningless title.

I amuse myself.

Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

Whoa-oa-oa! Ow! Ow! Aah! Ooh! Uh! Good luck, Bender!

Forget it, Zookeeper. You're going into captivity. Fool! A quip about putting me behind bars... would've been far more delicious. Here. Catch. No, Fry! You can't fall fast enough!

Oh, niggle-snoosh!

Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do!

(SIGHS) (APPLAUSE)

None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose.

Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort. Mr. Fry, I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the paleontologist who discovered your dog.

Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor.

And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon.

What in Babylon?

Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame. Steady. Steady. Now!

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock.

I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you! Oh, honey, I dig you so much. Thank you for saving my stupidly-dressed husband. You're a hero.

Company, attack! (ALL SHOUTING)

(ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS) (TRUMPETING)

Professor Farnsworth, is my great-great-great- great-great-great... - Eh? - What? Yep, I'm your grandson all right. A grandson? My, you're a big boy. What are you, a junior in high school?

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy.

I was just telling him that, Leela. Mom? You know Leela? Nope.

It's crunch time. Let's do this. It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone. You're the finest crew I've had the honor to work with.

Welcome to Earth pizza store. Here. Sit. I bend-a knees for you. Ooh, that's comfy. Uuh! Okay. Now, what-a kinda pizza goes in you?

She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

(GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there. Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it.

(GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in. You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve?

At least Kif's baby shower should be fun. I better put it on my calendar. Thursday, baby shower-- enter. Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

Silence. It is time to put the humans to death. But the judge already sentenced us at the trial. Silence.

And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness.

To Fry. I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is.

Let us out! We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored!

Here's corpsey!

Steady. Steady. Now!

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord. It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord." Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet! But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk. Poor? Aw, crap.

Our planet is Cyclopia. This is the capitol, Cyclops City. Stop me if I'm going too fast for you. So much information, and yet, somehow I feel as if I know it all already. This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back? Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela.

And remember, don't report them missing till after we max out their credit cards. Squid attack! Hit the deck! (ALL SCREAM)

You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir. Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!"

It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead.

Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me. Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right?

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti.

I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up. You want a banana? I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you.

Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end? Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here? Not... I.

I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver.

which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money. Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Mr. Winkles, Smudge-Smudge. Quick, dance with each other!

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible?

Ah! The royal bottle is empty! You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me.

Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern.

Ah, no! A strike? Now I'll never get to bend anything! Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother. Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage.

There, there. Everything's changed. That's not true.

(CLAMORING CONTINUES)

Oh... Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it.

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it?

Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over. Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body?

If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

(WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out! They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them. The ground is still warm. (WHINES QUIETLY)

That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum. Whatever its beef is,

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen. Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again.

so I'm writing it in my own ink. Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work.

Out of our way. This fox is ours. Fox? Yes. Have at it. We're not hunting fox today. Wait a second. What are you hunting? Oh, my God. It's Bender's middle finger.

Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique.

Shh! What was that sound?

We don't have much time.

Bring it on, baby!

Now that I am a full and equal member of the crew, I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity and, dare I say it, my friendship. Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat.

Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help.

Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

Now the bases are loaded! Isn't there a man on this team who can get one more out? I can! I repeat: Isn't there a man on this-- I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale!

Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can!

He has no free will! He cannot "decide" to engage in criminal behavior. How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions?

They stole everything except my mouth and eyes. I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking. It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating.

I used to stick my rear out the window.

Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton

a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident. A casino where I'm winning?

This is it. Well, at least we get a window.

- Never! - Never! Never!

"My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor."

And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season,

Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you.

the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider.

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh! Help. Police. Neat.

(RINGING DOORBELL) (SOBBING) Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. I'm sorry. It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole. What do you say we go get some sewer coffee,

Hey! What the...

(MECHANICAL NOISES) Fascinating. Be you man or machine? Mostly machine. Might be a couple of dead cats in there.

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

Brace yourselves, everyone. One hundred kilometers. Two hundred. I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich!

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus.

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

Today we're going to kick it up a notch as I show you how to fricassee a mouthwatering Neptunian slug. Whoo-whee! Now, while you're greasing the pan and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam!

I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

So, you want to join the Balcony Club? The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership.

Then you're under arrest. What for?

For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me.

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah...

Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle.

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh!

Oh! I'm so lonely and easy.

What's going on? Were you hiding out with these little guys? Of course not! Filthy ice rats! Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away.

I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever?

Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms...

I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye! In recognition of Bender's generous gift...

What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto? Of course not. I'm just gonna tranquilize him, so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists. Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine. You'll have to get through me first.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour.

the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh! We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where?

Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded. What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

All bow before the great Metal Lord! Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

Where could Farnsworth have minted such a high quality fake? Not here. But you know, I have a friend in Boston who's an expert silversmith. They could be connected. There's only, like, 40 people who do anything around here. But Boston's 300 miles away, and Bender kicked our horse to death.

Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

(LOW WHINING SOUND) (GASPS) He's alive. At least his butt is. (BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing?

Oh, but I guess we're just two different people.

(BOTH GASP) Shut up. NARRATOR: These industrious, uh, people, I guess,

We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys. Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow! The takeover of Planet Express is approved! Ah, man! This stinks! Madam is outraged!

Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me? Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here. Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you?

To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk.

English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love. The law is clear.

Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky! (GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING) (ALL GROAN) LEELA: I found the satellite! Let's just hope the experiment's still in here.

What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet--

according to your wildly inappropriate hunk-of-the-month calendar. Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. (BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell.

What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners. Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot.

Aw, you look so sad. You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

Yes, and yet-- What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

Shove a big old melon in it! I'm talking! Ow. You've noticed I design all my robots with antennas. Everyone thinks it's just to make them look more science-fictiony. But the antennas are really for my universal robot controller. So they do whatever you want? No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes!

And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis, and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there. (BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born!

Precisely. Now, in the name of all that is good and honorable we'll call the Neutral president with a message of peace, then blast him. Yes, sir, sirdy, sir, sir, sir! Fly the white flag of war.

Me next snu-snu! Out me way! Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him.

He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match.

Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES)

We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party. I'm sorry, sir. This is a private-- Oh, pardon me. I see you're with Mr. Stallone.

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men.

It's too low. Hang on. Hang on. jump. Hold on to your helmet. Whoa!

Darn it! I'll be right back.

He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg!

It sure is. Right, Leela, funny? Then one night when Fry asked me out,

I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot.

Let's kick him some more!

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where? Here! Literally, here! (ALL GASPING)

I've been thinking a lot about this, and, well, would you move in with me? H-Here? But, uh, wouldn't it be crowded? Oh, no, no. It's really twice the size. You can use the floor, and I'll have the ceiling. See?

Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice. (GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS)

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human. You do? Sure. They don't believe I'm a human either.

I don't know which I like more smashing cars or smashing faces. Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight.

Leela is Clobberella? You're pullin' me! Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone. Gotcha!

To shreds, you say.

- That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods.

Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period.

I know that, and you know that.

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain.

Me want snu-snu!

(CLUCKS) Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing. Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number.

Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Flexo, are-are you okay? Yeah. Never better.

Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot. Joey Clamps, Donnie B.

Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV.

Oh, my God! What in Babylon?

Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone. The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela.

But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting.

I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that...

Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes.

Fry, what's wrong? Think about it. Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him,

Wait! He pled "not guilty."

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already?

Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh!

Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan. Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe. What a lonely life. My God. Poor Leela. Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Look, Kif, I probably am the mother-- although maybe I'm not. Of course, I hope I am, but just in case I'm not, maybe we should have a test. A test! I demand a test!

Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here.

(ENGINE REVVING) AMY: What kind of glorked-up drag strip is this? Mobius drag strip, man. Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules.

(WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela.

I've got navigation. We're on our way home. (ALL CHEERING) It just shows how everything is possible when you work together. Speaking of which, I have a surprise announcement. There never was a creature. Surprise.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you.

You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish. Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband!

Would we have donkeys? All you could eat. Oh, take me in your arms and compress me! Compress me tight! Stop! Let us climb to the heavens,

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain.

Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked.

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube.

Let my people stay! Neat. Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer,

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me

Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry. All they left was baking soda and capers and here it is. Great. We're two days from Earth with no food. Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser. Work his gut. I like it tender. Maybe that planet over there has a drive-thru.

I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts.

Wise choice, son. You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs? He's right. You should go. We'll still be here tomorrow. Yeah, but what if I'm not? I mean, what if I never see you again, Mom? There's a lot of stuff I want to tell you.

I'll take care of this. We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

Aah! Damn you! Doh! There! Now, when I'm found in a million years,

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa!

Whoo! Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea! I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle

FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww!

Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (EXCLAIMS)

Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew. My fellow Earthicans, I'm proud to announce I'm running for reelection as president of Earth, the greatest planet in the world. ALL: Yeah! Is everyone enjoying their free beer?

Sounds like fun! Chief! Me find huge hole melted in ice, out past Cesar Chavez ridge! Hole go all the way outside! This very interesting. Maybe someone look into it, many years from now.

Hey, Bender? Yeah? Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses.

Good news, everyone.

Keep your hands inside the car at all times. Good old Coney Island College. Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type. Oh, yeah? Read it and weep. I'm a certified college dropout. Please.

You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite. May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator.

Will there be cake?

Rabbit goes around the tree. There.

(YELLING) (GRUNTING) (PANTING) (EXHALES) (ROARS) (SCREAMING)

I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now.

I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up! I'm going to crack that hussy open like a slutty Brazil nut!

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap.

Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Yes, yes. You a big, squishy wuss. Amy should be dating real man-- like him. I can be manly too. I think I'll, uh, light up a smoke. Wrong way.

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia

Will you push me? I already did. Thank you!

Please, Bender, have some malt liquor--

I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball!

Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue. What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change. No matter what happens, you'll always be Leela, the woman I love.

Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

someone's going to get stabbed in the ass!

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend? Me? Me? Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING)

The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo!

It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.

Oh... What do you want me to say? He saved my life. Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend.

The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later. Ticktock. Sir, all planetary defenses have been disabled. Perhaps the Decapodians acquired our secret codes somehow.

Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out.

from this court's ex-lover, Turanga Leela. Go yourself. Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan--

Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important.

Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle. Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y? Fry, you are going to shoot Bender,

Ow! My small intestine!

Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope. She always liked not being observed with a telescope.

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur!

People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me? Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten! Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one...

There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together?

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct.

Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz?

Eating a sweet, innocent chick before it's even hatched? Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal. I'm going to keep this egg safe and warm and secure until it hatches out into the world. And then I'm going to eat it. Ain't nothing like a postcard coming from your own mind

You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet!

Wow. Are you gross looking. Go on. The great space serpent... Mammal. ...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry. It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone.

Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo! Elzar!

our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender.

Mike Pisarik, lion. They're on the truck to Heaven now.

(POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

What's wrong, Fry? I don't know. This place is great and all but it's just so artificial. The gravity, the air, the gophers. You might as well stay on Earth. That's what I came to see. I want to go out and jump around like an astronaut. Screw this phony stuff. But the phony stuff is what's fun.

Cram it, Virginia.

We were in science class... and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich!

Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots.

Ew! There it is. Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot?

They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second.

I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela.

We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector.

neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back. What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side. Interesting. Maybe we should test this erectile dysfunction of yours, Bender. No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me.

No! That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion!

May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap! TAKEI: Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids.

We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it! I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet.

So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow! Hey, that's me.

Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew. All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95. That'll be 40 cents.

I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies. His name is Shazam.

Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

(LAUGHS) Be more careful, friend.

Oh, what's the point? Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry.

Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend.

What? No, no, it's about this takeover of Earth. It's... It's... The spark that reignited our marriage? Yes! Exactly. Good night. (SNORING)

Fry laughed and he said, "You deserted me once "Now it's your turn to feel the chill Lord, Lord "Now it's your turn to feel the chill" You've accurately portrayed the nature of my grievance.

Bender, what's going... No!

You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

Senator Travers? Look, let's be honest here. No one likes taxes, but they pay for our basic needs. Roads, schools, defense. If we hope to realize our aspirations as a great planet, we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals.

Hmm. A giant brain is basically a giant nerd, and where would a giant nerd be? The library!

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

Futurama is brought to you by...

Don't wave your fancy degrees at me.

The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry! Can you really remove all my memories of Fry?

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down.

Hey, Bender! I just caught a fish this big. Quit exaggerating, Fry.

Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house.

If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks.

You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out! (CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror.

Hey, Leela, you know who I remember?

Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there.

I always thought the most important thing in life was to win an Oscar,

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked.

Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there.

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless!

You don't understand. Without the distraction of taste, your mind is free to touch the Zen of pure flavor. You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands.

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily.

Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar. One more hit, and we're done for! Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code?

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring.

Free us from thought and responsibility. We shall read things off you. Then do them. Your words guide us. We're dumb. You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours. The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best.

There you go. What have I done?

According to the script, you're supposed to prance out and tickle him with your fairy wand. Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle. Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor.

As soon as someone reaches a million followers, I'll use them to transmit the twit-worm. Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm. It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers,

All right, then.

Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take!

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near! (ALL SCREAMING)

For, you see, generations of exposure to toxic sewage mutated them into horrific monsters!

and emits pure oxygen with a fresh pine scent. Man, that smells great! Now let's see how both robots do... at a typical household task: sorting a jar of pocket change.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

(ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here.

His life's in danger.

I say, get the hell off me. That guy sounds familiar. oof! My word, what have we--

I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time. I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help? Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

Between a minute and a billion years.

They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need.

And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

Silicon Red, everyone. (SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece,

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

What category are they on? They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are--

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

They don't. I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys. Where do you people do your erotic display? Same place as your species... the beach. How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm?

Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again! While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals.

I love you. Washbucket has always loved you.

Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business. Anyway, the time came for our first delivery. (SOBBING) Lando, don't forget about me and Junior. I won't, honey. Or die trying.

Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS) I'll make this simple. Our money or your life.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Look! A starling! Really? Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what?

No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you.

Welcome to Police Academy. Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human. Yeah. On your feet for Chief O'Manahan.

80%. You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while,

I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier. I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system.

I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages. Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive.

It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk.

Oh! I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready! There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son. (SNIFFLES) You really think so?

Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy! Hey, wait! You can't leave... What?

What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds. Ah... Make it two, and a small whiskey. Large.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection. Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out.

My primary duties? Well, I assist the Professor in whatever important research he happens to be engaged in. (SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away. (SNORING)

I'll wear my formal shell. Fry will be enthroned tomorrow at the setting of the three suns when we Trisolians enter our nocturnal phase. There won't be a lot of long-winded speeches will there? Only one. The absolutely flawless recitation from memory of the royal oath... by you.

you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg.

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo!

Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots.

How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad.

Well, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open and honest way. Yeah. Either that or be a man.

Mon, you had one hell of a day. Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine. Still, to have your own pool.

There's no way we can raise enough money to save this company. Wait. What about the girlie calendar? Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested.

Whoopsie-daisy.

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello? What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone again? Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me...

Look at the date on this newspaper. April 17th, 1775. Say, on this exact date, the Continental Congress was meeting secretly in New York. Maybe they can help us. But they could be meeting anywhere. What are we going to do, search building to building?

It was you men who drove this company into the ground. Remember Fry's idea to offer free delivery? It got us a lot of customers. We're a delivery company!

that was really a manbot.

I thought you were named Angus.

My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8?

Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present--

Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song, exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

What shall I do with your jergens, sir? Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows.

where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm... Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again! And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full...

Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else! You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry? Trust me on this.

Wait. I'll perform the surgery. You? With those clumsy claws? It's true, old friend. My claws are too clumsy for such delicate work. "But mine aren't. "You, mon, give me that robot brain." And you, metal guy, lie down.

Aah! The loot! The loot! The loot is on fire!

I may not know much about horses, but I know a lot about doing anything for one dollar. If you think bad luck can defeat me, then you don't know my name is Philip J.--

(COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops! Nonetheless, I finally nailed it. Gaze upon this photo of yourself and start squirting out some soul-arrhea. It doesn't work that way, you imbecile.

Far out. That head gave me a total head trip! Really? I'm gonna lick Herbert Hoover's head. Lick the head! Lick the head! Whoa! A speakeasy! One prohibited beverage, please.

we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime.

Many robots are stupid and violent. I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh!

(SNIFFLING) (TEAR CLINKS)

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive. Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Cool. What can I get you? Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you?

Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it?

I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here.

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate,

Another job well done.

And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.

Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent.

The principle's essentially the same.

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

I'm not going with you. But, Fry, what about us? What about your life on the surface? You don't belong down here.

That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands.

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity,

I love you. (SCREAMS) My card! My whole life I've been mad at him, and it wasn't his fault.

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror.

This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking.

with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

When will the killing end?

But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

This wimp? You've gone a long way, baby. Cigarette, pardner? Oh, I don't-- I haven't even lit it yet. Oh. - Is it lit now? - Yep. You're pathetic.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

(GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me? I couldn't find any water,

Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet.

I'm too young to die.

We're going to die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela!

(ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat! If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive.

The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray? No!

There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch?

The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on. Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. Can you at least tell us what's going on down there? We're certainly not building something sinister, if that's what you're implying. Now, come on, Bender, something sinister won't build itself.

Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense. Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial? In your time, yes, but nowadays, shut up!

So, I'm turning off the oxygen. Now, look, missy, if you don't turn around right now, I'm gonna have to shut down your brain. Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela.

- I'll help you. - Aw, phooey.

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure.

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman,

Ow! (GRUNTING) That was not worth $3,000.

(SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING) Look out for the next thing!

Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam.

Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth?

With sprinkles on? (CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid!

Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

I had more, but you go ahead.

Put a sticker on it. Off on your first delivery, eh? You be careful, my little tinkler. Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler. Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses.

So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay?

Hey, Professor. Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS)

Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm.

a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet? Yeah. They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that.

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it?

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way.

There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together?

Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do!

Seems like old times, huh, Bender? You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing!

All My Circuits is brought to you by... Robo Fresh. Designed by a robot for a robot.

Okay. First up, I'm gonna need to build a shelter. There. Well, I guess I'll go out for a while.

Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey.

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too!

The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day. Thanks. They're my inspiration. But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me? I do love inconveniencing the underclass.

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHING) Aw. You didn't have to do that.

Zoidberg away! Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts,

At least it's something to distract me from Leela. Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

Me next snu-snu! Out me way! Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

Ich bin ein never! (MOANS) Whoa! Even with harps, that's still the famous Oktoberfest Chicken Dance! (CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST)

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved. BOTH: Phew! Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters?

I'm immortal, baby.

You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes.

By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm?

Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter-- Please send the man round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry. But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out. Yeah, but he might get kind of upset. I don't think I can do that to him.

With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

The keys to the ship! They must have fallen into the crate. Aw, Leela's going to kill me. Nah. She'll probably make me do it.

It's for you, Professor. Great delivery, everyone. You're the finest crew I've had the honor to work with. Oh, my. We're being foreclosed upon.

Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell.

Good ending. Not great.

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

- Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer?

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins. Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.

Well, you can go rot for all I care.

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die!

(BELL RINGING) (LAUGHS) Check out this dork. I, sir, am the master of the hunt, and I'll thank you to behave like a gentleman. You're quite welcome, sir. (BELCHES) Ah, yes, foxhunting.

(EARTH SHUDDERING) Soon the world will come to a stop, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me.

Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons. Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy?

This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir.

Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot.

Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula. Ah, Hermes. Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you.

Who do you think you are? God? I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight. Why are you committing these atrocities against nature? Nature's out of its league. There are 40 billion hungry people on this planet, many of whom will pay top dollar for one of my pine-u-porks.

(GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas.

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City. She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face. No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank... what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime? Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this.

The Galapagos finches eat parasites off the tortoise's skin, a mutually beneficial arrangement. Except for the parasite! How's that, Hubert? Feeling better? A good beaking usually cheers me right up, but today it's no use. My species is as good as extinct.

And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

They've blown out one of our engines.

Bender, whatever you do, don't think about any more octopuses. Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi. I'm sorry. "Octopuses" is also acceptable.

Uh-huh. Don't pay me no mind. (GROANS) Scruffy, could we please have a little privacy here?

Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust.

We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike and junk. Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you.

So, let's get brick-faced!

Uh, Fry? You're glowing like the Human Torch on prom night.

The Zero "G." Name? Cosmic Y. Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves? The space walk. Hey! The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine! The Zero "G."

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat. My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking! My God! Saint James was a robot!

Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though.

Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever. Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time...

To the end of the universe!

Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel! (SIGHING) Funny plague, hyper-malaria. It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What?

You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that.

Halt! (ALL EXCLAIM) Who said that?

I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that.

In my day, sound didn't travel through space. There's something really familiar about that melody. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) It's not Walking on Sunshine. It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown. What else is there? I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies.

Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela. Destination on your left in 0.3 miles.

All glory to the hypno-toad. Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone!

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right. I'm telling you-- Leela was cool, she was in command and when she kicked people, it hurt. It really hurt. Well, this is the big moment.

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub...

We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over.

Hurry, hurry! Pharaoh's coming! Get that nose in place! Come on!

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what.

Well, see you guys tomorrow! I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow. Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going?

Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Hmm. Hello, Zapp? Well, well, well. Zapp, we're out of fuel. And Vergon 6 is about to implode. We need your help. So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl.

Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake?

Wow! Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Just because you were in the swamp doesn't necessarily mean...

What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad.

I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow! Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium.

Well, that's that. We ain't getting our money back from this Zoidberg. Hey, boss, this here casino looks like it makes a lot of money. Maybe the Mafia should get involved in the casino business. What are you, an idiot? Pretty much, yeah. Then you won't notice when I claim your idea as my own. Come on, let's go take over this casino.

Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other.

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future.

make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap.

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites. Good night, employees.

Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!"

"Soothing action, action, action, action."

He's so talented. You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it!

A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

One, two. One, two, three.

Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno. And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime. Nevertheless, stay with me here,

That new recruit is phenomenal, sir. Yes. He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours. I do plan to finish someday, Kiff.

Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other.

Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses

Great. We're gonna die.

Add a one and two zeroes in front of that, we got ourselves a wad.

Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge.

(GASPS) (CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

(SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how? I didn't do it. Bender, did you learn a lesson about not being lazy while the rest of us were bombed out of our gourds? Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did.

Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows?

Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud? Actually, we've decided to go in a different direction. What if I told you we wouldn't be fighting in the conventional sense? Bender, your popularity is slipping.

Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

Tonight at 11:00... (SHOUTING) Doom!

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own...

Fry, face it: The Moon is a dump. It's a boring dried-up wasteland. And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that?

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one.

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body.

Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla.

That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that.

Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way, but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you. Yeah, well... whuh?

Yeah, yeah, you can teach us to respect nature later. Right now, we've got some flowers to suck dry. Suck them, burn them... As long as they're not butterflies, I don't give a grand crap. But take heed! For you see, it is mating season. Whatever you do, you must not disturb the aggressive male.

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of--

I lost my chance to be a champion. I won't let you throw away yours. Leela is right. I don't want to end up a loser like her. Count me back in. Let's see what you got. Touch your toes.

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile.

Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood.

and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet? You, Fry. Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless.

Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies!

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined. Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness.

How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead. That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

The Clear-Cutter. Bender rules! I got you an official Bender hat. Wow! Thanks, Hermes. I... Hey, cut that out! You can't hit what you can't see.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all. (BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool!

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know. I got nervous, and I started thinking about neck bolts. Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like-- What's happened to you?

This place is crawling with yous!

On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel,

My great uncle once saw a rat. If we don't keep them busy, they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner. Let's go. If I say one more thing, I might say it with my evening boot. Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred.

Another hour, and I would've thought about hanging up. Why didn't you just leave a message, sweetie? Well, um, I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine, but you never seem to get them. Bender! It's not my fault if you don't check me. Messages erased.

Oh, yeah! Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out!

Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time.

These'll go great with my soul. Glad you like them. I've been making fine jewelry for years, apparently. I'll take three. Give me one, man. I'll trade you a bad poem. And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders... for... Beck!

Who's my favorite robot?

Sorry. I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn.

I was born in two hundred log cabins. And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

Please, let me make it up to you. I'll treat you to a fancy birthday dinner tonight, at Cavern on the Green. Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up. Not this time. No matter what happens, I swear I'll be there. Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down, and marry a nice house in the suburbs!

Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed...

You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me.

where your race has lived since the beginning of the universe? So, how did the universe begin? Then the meaning of existence-- So every religion is wrong!

So who should I root for? America or one of those countries I learned about at the food court? How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel."

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal!

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God!

Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

Those injustices don't even exist. Then let's find some that do. Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was.

We were defeated in battle. BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try. Ugh! Go away! Ooh!

Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out. Hi. Enough of your mindless chitchat. Let's get going.

Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain?

What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go.

(SNORING) Hey, I was watching that! The Saints just needed a field goal to tie! Lrrr, you lazy ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! You said you would conquer a planet today, but you have not even shed your skin yet.

Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage! Professor, I'll take care of that waste for $499 and 100 cents. Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience. Do you take credit cards? Let's find out.

that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

- Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS)

Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie. Good point, Bender. I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay.

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now.

Remember me! I will. I will.

(GROANS) (CRYING) It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution.

(DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that? I took a nappie!

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

Our next speaker is Professor--

Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die!

Step off, you greasers! I was street racing back when ships still ran on moon water! Damn, yo, get a load of speed geezer! (ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor!

But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He-- I know. You do? Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't.

(BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science.

Quick, run out the back! I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

Pardon me. Did I overhear you say you used to live here? That's right. Did you know Andy Goldman? Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him! Get outta here! What's Andy up to these days? The short answer is, I'm teaching. He seemed nice. Sure, when he's sober.

Every little thing reminds me of Enos.

Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat. Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away. Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown.

What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA?

We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work-- Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you.

Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s.

Let's go already

- Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back! Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know.

Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti?

And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh!

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve. Who are you?

I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look.

Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh!

Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable.

Whoa. A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters! Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded.

Aha! There's the cause of your illness. Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that. Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch.

Mmm... As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg,

For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter. Hi, Fry. I like your blazer. Thanks. These aren't pockets. They're just flaps. I put my money in my sock.

Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad... continuing this network's tradition of sportscasting excellence.

It's a widely believed fact.

Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer.

No, Bender, wait. We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool. Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder.

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes.

Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

up wherever your species traditionally crams things.

Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing

Uh, what's with the getup?

Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story. Now, what seems to be the trouble? My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy...

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry.

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner. I'll always remember this, Bender. Me too. Me too. jerk.

Leela? Fry? I thought you were dead. Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory.

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom!

Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who or what we want! ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! Every other couple has the right to marry. Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies.

If that is your Freedom Day wish. Thank you, Secretary of Transportation.

This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning. Hurray! Hurray!

Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

I'm done siphoning out the grease trap. I think I need a mint. So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself.

Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch. Well, I've got to go take this suit to the decontaminators.

Did somebody say monsters? (LAUGHING) This will make a great episode. But talk slower, I can't type that fast. Well, well, well. (GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show.

Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh. Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain?

Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops.

Well, let's see what's on. Tuesday, Golden Gate Park-- The monsters of vaguely folkish alterna-rock... will strum your brains out at Bend-Aid, Bend-Aid! Featuring Beck, Wailing Fungus... and special guest Bender!

(KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk? I'm kind of busy. Seeing Leela fly off the Hexadecapus and crash through the moon dome and survive inside a stuffed animal by breathing a balloon was a dose of reality. Come in.

I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

"So, Mr. Conrad, did you enjoy the show?" Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants.

I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you.

Item seven, our corporate tax rate remained unchanged this fiscal year. That's not funny. It's not supposed to be funny. It's a business meeting. Things used to be funny around here. Noses were picked, pants fell down.

What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS)

there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

I control all the drones from this single unit.

You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela.

Party on, contest winners. Party on.

Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS) Mom, if you try to marry Zapp, I will shove you into a filthy nursing home so fast you won't know what hit you. Probably, it'll be a filthy nurse.

Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard.

Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible.

You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk.

We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer. A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans!

Mom! Dad! What are you doing here? This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that?

"A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

You'll like being dead.

Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe? Mr. Fry, the time disruption indicates that some event was supposed to happen, but didn't due to a quantum fluctuation. That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets.

If she had let us use the backup dolly we could have broken it given up, and gone home by now.

In fact, forget the park. I'm sorry, Leela. I can't go on any further. just leave me to die in that barn over there.

I'm going too fast! I've got to lose momentum! Wh-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag!

But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead? Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party.

Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm. It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it.

We must immediately and permanently... shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots! No! Wait! Surely there's a better-- The conference is over. I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all!

I'm sick of being critiqued by nitpicking nerds.

Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is.

only the biggest, most obnoxious males have any chance of mating. Aw, yeah! Survival of the fattest! The dominant male, or "beachmaster," maintains a harem of up to 50 females. Okay, harem, let's get to it. Form an orderly heap on top of me.

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

And last, but not least the sweet flower of the office... me, Hermes Conrad.

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

Leela. The good Leela.

Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers Decisions I made

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you?

(LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him!

I'll trade you a bad poem. And now, stand up and turn on your hidden tape recorders... for... Beck! With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot!

I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

At the risk of sounding stupid, do these things actually work? Of course not, stupid! I mean, that flying machine's as aerodynamic as a sofa!

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

Hurry, we're missing our bus! Hey, what are you doing? I'm gettin' on the bus!

Let's go! The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth.

The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but... I will destroy you all!

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay. You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together.

(ALL GROAN) And now to transfer your planet's rotational energy to my home world.

Hmm. Remember me! Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box.

But it's not boring. Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus!

However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?

The idiots have the box! I think she means you.

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason,

Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out.

- What the... - (GASPS) Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic.

Hey. Stop that, drink machine. Stop it, I say. That's it, we're out of here. Come on. We'll split a blintz. Wait, give me a chance to defend your honor and then sully it on the couch. All right, I've been waiting all day for an excuse to hit a lady.

Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich.

Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed.

JUDGE: Has the jury reached a verdict? MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

(CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot! NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?! 'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish?

I shouldn't, but who's counting? Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday! That is what you said when you found those Boy Scouts! Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it!

You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist. Then let's find some that do.

Happy Valentine's Day. Bender, are you okay? What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle--

Scwatch its fwubby chin.

We find the defendant... guilty. Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us!

That's what bath time is for.

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years.

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne."

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender.

Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package. Whoa! Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

(SOBBING) Hmm. That dinner was a worthy foe. Yes, we shall not see its like again. So, um...

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again!

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS) (EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen.

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home. Amy? But that means--

or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great.

Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here. Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser.

(YELLING) What's going on? How did we save you? It was the weirdest thing. We went to sleep, and when we woke up, our cave husbands were gone. I'm gonna miss Spencer.

It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals. But not for long. What's in the tube? Microscopic Nanobots. They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants. Speaking of nasty irritants, what's gonna become of Cubert?

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Help! I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!

Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof.

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Professor?

Well, now what are we going to do?

Work faster-- like this! You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow! Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers.

"All female employees must pose nude if requested."

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar. An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rat's nest... called television once and for all.

You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever.

Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto. Aw. So that's the situation.

(ALL GASPING) The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald.

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device. Hmm, sporty.

Whoa, where is it? Come on. Oh!

That sounds serious. Very serious, Mayor Poopenmeyer. I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke. Send in my science advisor.

Well, I guess reality is what you make of it. Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain.

Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it.

I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us! Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa.

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"?

Ho. What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything.

If I can't have the original cast of Star Trek, no one will! Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I--

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban. AMY: The Great Pyramid at Giza! KATZ: Yes. The Egyptians viewed us as gods,

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached!

Pay attention to me!

Leela, we're missing the premiere. My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. just pay the valet the two bucks. No. It's the principle of the thing. Besides, I think I see a parking lot up ahead.

Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted.

How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half. I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner...

Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news.

Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can? This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

But just when it looked like they'd never win... They didn't. Well, we lost to all our opponents. Even that team that turned out to be us in the mirror. It's time we gave up. Yeah. I don't know what else we could have done to enhance our performance. Hey, great job tonight, you two.

Plenty of food, mild climate. It's a veritable Garden of Eden. It is? Hello. Did that snake say, "Hello"? No. We're both delirious from dehydration. Just like Adam and Eve.

while I was still killing them. What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it. One art, please! What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid.

Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time... to tell you of the many ways I love you. Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could.

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I.

I know you're just a carbon-based life-form but I'll always think of you as a big pile of titanium. What Bender means is, you're really brave and smart and beautiful and a great friend. just like titanium. This is all a big load.

It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G? Would you mind fetching that carton from the top shelf?

Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal!

(SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze,

If you show anyone that picture, there will be terrible consequences. The only thing terrible is going to be my bank account.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice. I submit to you that you are naughty... and that, logically, you must destroy yourself.

Aye! We're hitched up tighter than Davey jones's U-Haul. At ease, men. I am at ease. Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110!

The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp! Ooh. Hefty. You could really bash in a skull with this thing.

Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness?

My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.

That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez.

but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

But I wasn't injured.

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

I don't know, but it might have something to do with this.

Ask her to mate with me.

You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people? That's too painful to speak of now. Come. I'll show you your quarters.

It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol. Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined.

What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him.

What? Oh! Right. You see, my associates and I are from the ninth planet of the star you call Thuban. Long ago, life there was ideal. The sun provided plenty of warm, dozy light. The chicken-salmon roamed free.

So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation. I am expert in shadowy field of many things.

What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin? Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes,

Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely!

ABNER: And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag, but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job.

"dripping from pores in the ceiling. "Dripping and dripping, year upon year, "century upon century..." What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant?

Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror. Will a money order be okay? Yes.

(COUGHING) (ALL GASPING) Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country!

Get a load of that! I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

The Nibblonians-- good? Ha! During your last moments in this universe, perhaps you should query our database... concerning the night of December 31, 1999. The day I got frozen? What about it? No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query!

into this blessed pit so they can wrestle The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special is the oil in which the nasty fem-bots wrestle We shall now begin the traditional oil wrestling. Will the referee bring out the ceremonial cruse of petroleum oil?

But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me. How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner? Creeped out. Then it's decided!

in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

Ah! There it is. The Tempus Nebula. Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope. Ooh! What's that funky jazz? The odor of pure time leaking. When my crew removed the chronitons, it destabilized the nebula, causing time skips throughout the universe.

And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors? Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network?

Aw, all right, I'll go, but so help me I'll hold a grudge against every last stinking one of you for the rest of your lives. Well, then it's settled. So long, everyone. So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman.

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line.

An alibi, huh? I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed.

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Got to go! (IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend!

I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right.

Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm

We're going to die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela! Whoo! You did it. We're safe.

A brand-new brain It might drive him insane He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy.

Oh, I'll never recombobulate this ship. When the professor finds out, he'll tear me a new cloaca! Wait. What would the robot do? Frame someone! What up?

Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm?

This isn't Slurm at all. Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan. Look at this. This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient.

Planet Vinci is basically a single colossal university. How's your football team? Learned.

It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see. Mmm!

(GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING) Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture? I don't know. I mainly hang out in here. Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder.

Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS) (BENDER LAUGHING) Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat!

In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father?

Dad, do I have a birthday? Hmm. You didn't have a birth, so, technically, no.

you can wear over your regular non-glowing nose. Observe. Whoa! "Clool"! Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark. Where'd it go? Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine?

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything. (EXHALES DEEPLY) (CELLPHONE RINGING)

(CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food.

Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop!

Purpleberry Pond is fun for young and old When healthy juicy purpleberries fill your bowl We all get along and we're happy and merry I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. Of eating right we are very fond

and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains.

Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS)

I'll be in my day-off trailer. (BENDER SCREAMS AND BURBLES) And I took this one inside the ichthyosaur's stomach. (LAUGHS) Man, I've never had anyone try so hard to digest me.

I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther. Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here? By far, the most important thing is oil To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen. Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next.

Bender! Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app. BENDER: Neat. What was it, 99 cents? No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you.

(BELL RINGS) Second take? I've never heard that phrase, what does that mean? They want you to do it again.

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together.

I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet. Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone. Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown.

Once you press the detonator, you will have 60 seconds for an exciting escape.

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending.

Maybe I should take this off.

Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police. Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape?

I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal.

You mean a man. It was his Bar Mitzvah. Welcome, museum members. Or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. (CHUCKLING WEAKLY) He's good. Tonight we have a new resident here in the Hall of Hominids, generously donated by its discoverer, Hubert Farnsworth.

(GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible.

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come?

It does seem like jamaica would be able to field a strong limbo team without you.

Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine. Still, to have your own pool.

Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass. Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?!

Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Let's try for a twofer.

Hermes? We thought you were the creature.

and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship, which means Planet Express is now... Awesome Express! You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No.

I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela, for tearing your arm off and all. I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers. Plus, you were willing to sacrifice yourself so I could live.

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry.

Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What? Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire, arrived aboard his extravagant caviar-powered yacht. I am just a humble emperor with a big, big crown!

Is it a kind of hair spray? No!

do these things actually work? Of course not, stupid! I mean, that flying machine's as aerodynamic as a sofa! How could it possibly get off the ground? In a way thou shalt never discover! (ALL GASP) Hi, Animatronio. I feign death and stalk thee,

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Joy Juice, hot. Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball,

Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements.

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

It's not spam. Huh? It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss. Please come join me on the planet of your birth.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun. Geez, with these... (ALL EXCLAIMING)

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two.

Wake up, Mr. Fry.

Whoo! Follow me.

You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart.

(SCOFFS) We'll find out who's lying, my friend. Because I planted a spy camera in our apartment! Let's just see what you were up to last night while I was asleep. Yes, let's do see.

This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin. My ebony splendor? Me don't think so. I said hand it over. I'm hungry!

Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew!

They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday. Then we choose the cuddly-uddliest ones... and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff.

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

- Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

I'll remind you later, you hot stud you.

I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor.

Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

(BOTH YELLING) How could this not be hurting you?

Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass.

(WHIMPERING) (TRAIN HONKING)

Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round?

Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas. They're gonna kill the virus by exposing it to the heat of our burning bodies! I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat.

Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

That's what makes it so nasty. Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking. Daisy, daisy

Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks. You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish.

I do! Aye! Welshie!

Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense. We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) (BEEPING)

No cheap crack houses for me no more! Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe? Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddleplane...

Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this! Yaah-- Aaah! He--

I am Bender Please insert girder

(BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you!

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it.

My old burrito. My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench--

Come on, Gabriel, you must have seen something!

And what better way to celebrate our success... than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself? Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit.

was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund. Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile...

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care.

Everything but us is frozen. What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know.

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse--

You, my metal friend, will have the honor of becoming 174 Slurm cans.

It's cool. Back off! My knee, I scraped it. Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha!

Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'. What the-- Termites?

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING)

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways...

Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot!

ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

People, as company bureaucrat,

She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure. So, Billy, where were you born? Right here in Moon country.

I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this. Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer?

I have these three costumes you could use. But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this.

(GRUNTS) (ALL GASP) (GROANS) You guys, again? Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM)

Hey! He's not dead. What's up with that? What, you didn't read the pamphlet?

We are the Cruds, but we're over here.

I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

the cold, lifeless touch of her tentacle on my body. She is one juicy calamari. Oh, Zapp, I love you, too. (GASPS) Oh, squiddums! I've been thinking about this for a while,

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow! People, I won't let you enter.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake,

"Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled." Oh, Lord. "Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help." "Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

(MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps.

Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship.

I'm back, baby! Blaah! We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction.

You're the best, babe. Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos.

I'd likes to say a few words.

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem. Insert coin. I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you? Yes. I am fine. Give the gypsy ten dollars.

Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn. This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate. Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms!

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

Hi, I'm Andy Warhol, and you're some kind of marvelous lobster-man. Right on. Say, you got any real soup, or just this schlock? What a horrid bore. Ooh. Huh?

Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

(BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING)

Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER) (FLY BUZZING)

What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth? No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999.

Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

By the Bard's quill! I'm alive! (ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science!

(ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where? Here! Literally, here! (ALL GASPING)

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed.

Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper. Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say.

Wait! That no white whale. It gray thinkie whale.

Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send. Greetings, followers. This is day five of my solo kayak journey around the world. Send. (LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send.

He was born all right, just like he said. And with the polls now closed in every time zone worldwide, from Tomorrowland to the Republic of Yesterday,

We didn't see anything... ever. Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

You, sir, have defaced a national treasure. I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory!

Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini? Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister. Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but your friends are a bunch of freaks.

I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be. You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat.

Could Bender be setting these fires just so he can be a hero? Oh, I don't know. Possible, feasible. Maybe. Yeah, probably.

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Amy, Leela! What are you doing at your place of work? Your match with the Murderflies is about to start. (GASPING) ANNOUNCER: Moon-ladies and moon-men, presenting the defending champions,

the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut. Do I hear wedding bells? What? No! Really. Oh, dear. Oh, you're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor.

You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets. Say, do you know Obliteron? He pretends to be a hamster, but...

You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow!

I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love-- Fry, he opened up relations with China. He doesn't want to hear about your ding-dong. So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life.

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh?

Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping. Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes.

And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

perfectly preserved for exactly 30,000 years or so. Wait a minute, mammoth meat aged for 30,000 years? Prize-winning sausage meat, here I come!

Schlock and more schlock.

And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid?

You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

We could grow up together. No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

Excellent, excellent.

(ZAPP YODELING)

Bendee-Bendee-Boo! (ALL SHOUTING) What's all this ruckus? People live here, you know. Mr. President, our children are fat and dumb, and we blame cartoons.

You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go.

Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it. Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You. Aren't you getting this?

Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on!

(CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt." I'm a paleontologist. I'll save one of you!

Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now! All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34!

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check. Then let the video games begin! Wait. Hang on. I lost my controller. (SCOFFS) There is no controller. The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu.

Hey... These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start.

I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

If your elitist East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes? We did find it. It's called Homo erectus. Then you have proven my case, sir,

Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship. We're just going through a rough patch. It is not a patch. It's been ages,

There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry!

Soylent Green-ooh! Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on! Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine...

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure.

That's it! Happy birthday!

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo! Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth,

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em!

or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror. Uh, Professor... off you go. Pleasant trip. Hey, Bender how's dinner coming? Almost ready.

We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds.

Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended.

Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this. Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients.

and marry a nice house in the suburbs! But tonight, he's having the girls-gone-wildest bachelor party of all time! (WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela. Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year.

What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope?

It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago.

Oh, that's a wicked, sinful place.

Firing pocket-rocket!

Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger?

They'll have to do. (EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would. Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be.

He's whippin' angels now.

Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks.

Time to add the yeast. Yeast? You mean, I'll have a life-form growing inside me? It's so beautiful.

Incredible! According to the gizmometer, Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his D.N.A. and brain waves. Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood.

As a doctor and captain of this hospital ship, I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live. Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it! Great Shatner's ghost!

customer records are strictly confidential. Right this way. I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster.

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing!

Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching the army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out.

And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler. Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show!

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool. Evacuating the planet in three, two...

Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy?

Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out!

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Hurry up. I want to see the Moon. Relax, it's open till 9:00. That's one small step for Fry-- And one giant line for admission. Wow. Um... can I have cuts? Hmm... mm... no.

- Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet.

No, I think it's self-explanatory.

I say. What's that in your crown? You mean the Andamooka Opal? That's the most precious gem in all the... Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb. Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown.

Fry, distract him! Hey, Project Satan, over here! I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points!

Timber! Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car? Maybe if you clean up first.

Mrs. Astor, deep in the sewer, we discovered the wreck of the Land Titanic, on which your husband land-drowned. Inside was something that might interest you. The gemerald ring my husband was to give me in lieu of children. So what? I have a chandelier in my car made of those. Not the gem. This passenger manifest.

Now, then. We want the one you call McNeal. Give us McNeal, or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal! Uh... as I was saying...

but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock.

There won't be a lot of long-winded speeches will there? Only one. The absolutely flawless recitation from memory of the royal oath... by you. Will there be cake?

So, um... Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off.

Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious.

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How...

And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be. I'm kind of a harpoon snob, and let me say, that thing is gorgeous. But do you really need chest artillery? It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe.

Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia.

Now I'm all you got!

The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing.

Whoo! That's some fine oil-ade, son.

Welcome aboard, sir. Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

Is everyone present? - We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely.

I'll be a science fiction hero just like Uhura or Captain janeway or Xena.

Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did? Ah, so that's why this was unguarded.

Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again! While I try to restore our normal ages,

Lousy scabs! They can't do those things! Et cetera! I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery. Well, my legs are made of rubber. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it.

his in-your-face interface. I am Bender.

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby.

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

Ooh! Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true?

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh... Private Lemon... no need to leave.

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to?

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh?

This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful!

in what promises to be a by-the-numbers athletic contest... with no surprises whatsoever. There's the tip-off. Globetrotter ball! Sweet Clyde Dixon to Bubblegum Tate. Drives down court. And Curly joe from the rear! That one grabbed his behindus.

And you're not the father. No! (LAUGHING) I'm just joking, husband. See now? Things don't seem so bad anymore, do they? You're right. Thank you, LaBarbara. Oh, also, I wrecked the car. This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin. My ebony splendor? Me don't think so.

and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship?

Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that. Hey! Now I feel much better. Thanks, Professor and, Amy-- Sorry I took your watch.

But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist. Three, two, one.

Now please, please retire immediately. Hey, kid. Catch. Wha-- Ohh!

Oh! "Anyhoo," your net suits will let you experience... Fry's worm-infested bowels... as if you were actually wriggling through them. There's no part of that sentence I didn't like. Is everyone present?

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part? I... d--

My life is ruined. Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up.

You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before.

He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy. My condolences, LaBarbara.

Then the steel-drivin' man Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord

Aw, I got a chipmunk.

Yes! The rich get richer.

(ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

We're not from around here. Hello. (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING)

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

My wha-- Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife,

Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing.

How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly!

Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one!

The tide is coming in. Quiet. The beast approaches.

Oh... What do you want me to say? He saved my life. Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick.

Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh! Look! It's a baby queen.

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"? State your business. Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores. Well, a wonderful girl loves me,

Then your Hermes-- Oh, my! And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

My world has been, like, shattered. I hate you both. Oh! They thought this Vaxtron could replace me? A pox on all their beach houses! I think Vaxtron brings an air of edgy detachment to the show. Who is she? Don't worry about it. Not important.

Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking.

If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby.

Welcome, brother. May the blessings of the season be upon you. Yeah, yeah, amen. Listen, I'm one of those lazy, homeless bums I've been hearing about. Could you point me to the free booze? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved. (BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!"

Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas? Hallelujah.

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship! Whoa, whoa! Why should my tax money pay for art I find offensive? Would you censor the Venus de Venus...

I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks, and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic! Now, the first order of business... is to blame everything on the guy before me.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here.

I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender.

I maintain a cubicle here for weekend getaways.

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die?

I would be discouraged were I an ordinary acting unit! But for me, 'tis an opportunity to prove anew that I am the greatest actor who ever trod the boards! Yay! All right!

You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab.

- Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo.

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

I'll always remember you, Hamenthotep! To equip Pharaoh for his journey, we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver...

One more hit, and we're done for!

Scruffy believes in this company. Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie...

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip.

Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey! Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. Hello, Philip. And you must be Mr. Bender. Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot? I prefer the term "love machine."

Who can feel like I am a child in love

a.k.a., Citizen Snips. You can count on us, Mr. Mayor! justice away! Hold the elevator!

Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day.

I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious.

Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue.

Drag them to the ship. And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven... Zapp Brannigan!

Madam's sewage-seeking missile. (GASPING)

Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg!

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style. Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones!

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did.

Whoa-whoa, whoa! Oh. What are you? Some kind of galactic computer?

(HORN BLARING) Been up north (ALL GRUNT) Been down south (ALL GRUNT) Got a real weak back (ALL GRUNT) I got a real big mouth (ALL GRUNT)

I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help. The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery! I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world.

Wha-- Oh, right.

It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm.

I feel so out of place here. I don't understand why Fry fits in so well. Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

(CLAPPING SLOWLY) Ah, dear Juliet, why art thou yet so fair? I will stay with thee and never from this palace of dim night depart again.

Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can.

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve. It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Uh, look like interbreeding. Ow! Ahh! You want make love, not war? Jawohl. This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors.

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

At ease, darling. Honored guests and Kif, one of a captain's many superpowers is the ability to conduct marriage. So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror.

FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

(CRYING) Yep. Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai! Thanks, Nixon. How we doing?

So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing? Poorly! My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel. Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin?

Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Mm, I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved underarms. Do you have anything with more of a Lucy Liu feel to it? Nah, nothin' like that, although we do have Lucy Liu. Only woman to be named People magazine's "Sexiest Woman of the Year" twice-- in 2003 and then again in 2063.

I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow!

Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops. It's only a matter of time now.

Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood.

Look, why don't all of you just back off?

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh.

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me.

H-Here? But, uh, wouldn't it be crowded? Oh, no, no. It's really twice the size. You can use the floor, and I'll have the ceiling. See? Kif, you have so much creativity and niceness,

Those are some of my diary pages. And my screenplay! And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran.

I say, get the hell off me. That guy sounds familiar. oof!

16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice.

Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die, I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true?

I don't know what came over me.

Oh, man, why do I have to team up with him? And me with her? And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose. Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING)

Ow! Hey, watch it!

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean. But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who or what we want!

Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh. (LAUGHS) It's not funny! Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry!

Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler.

Amy should be dating real man-- like him. I can be manly too. I think I'll, uh, light up a smoke. Wrong way. Smooth. Look on the bright side.

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him.

It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world For you (ALL GASPING) For you For you

Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me.

If you really wanted to be with me, you'd merge your programming with mine. Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Slow down. All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards, all the passion went out of their relationship.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

"My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle? Castle? Some say unholy things happen up there. For example, all of us say that.

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

Yee-haw! That was fun. What if I distract them with my famous fan dance? Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George,

I proudly, yet angrily, present you...

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

Zoidbee want go outside!

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

(TOILET FLUSHING) Over and out.

Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son. (SNIFFLES) You really think so? I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela.

Amazing! You multicultural punks just race and tinker all day long? And we rap about our problems. Like, my aunt's neighbor is a hoarder.

Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over! Half over? Oh! I'd give anything to hear the rest. Anything? Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying-- Anything? Because I can give you new robotic ears.

Ho, ho-- Huh? - He's trapped! - Hooray!

It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired.

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly! (ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars.

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish. (CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life. But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life? Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell!

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah...

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING)

But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Ho... ho... ho!

No kidding, Ford.

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

Take this, Mr. President, sir!

Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING)

Notify his survivors.

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared.

No time for an injection. (ROARING) DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah!

I say no. I say Leela, too. I say yes again. I say I shall join her. But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me. How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner? Creeped out. Then it's decided!

(PIANO PLAYING) One sarsapar-oil-la, Sheriff. I'm thirsty. Make it two. I'm greedy. You got the rest fooled, but not me. Now let's take this outside, so's no one else gets clamped.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around. Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer!

That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface.

One, two! one, two, three!

(LOW GROWLING) Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities!

Then how are they unmanned? The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure. Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces. God bless America.

You can use this as an eye poker.

Oh, my! Oh, dear! Oh, yes! This just in. Three dead in foamy plunge. (LAUGHS)

(CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

Come over here.

Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage. Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did?

Am I going crazy?

A Massachusetts ha'penny? Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. ALL: Ew. What? Bender bit a poo penny. Bender bit a poo penny.

Hair gel? No, thanks. I make my own.

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral.

I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet--

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot! You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away.

Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping? (LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING)

Don't know where I don't know when

(WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg?

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia! So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you.

Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor.

Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint. The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe.

Great. You are not going to regret this. It's a nice, clean way to improve your performance. And we just drink it? Or... Inject it between your toes. Either way works, right? Well... Down the hatch. (BOTH SIGH IN SATISFACTION) (GLASS SHATTERS) Mmm! A guy could get used to this.

They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg." Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it? Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box.

Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work--

Honestly, that went better than I expected. I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. Hey, where's Amy and Bender? They're missing out on some hot pickle action.

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line. Ready? (ENGINES REVVING)

Huh. I guess I am a cannon. (MOANS) Time to prune the family tree. Wha! (ALL CHEERING) Huzzah! I've saved the Farnsworth name.

You bought that cultural heritage hoo-ha? (SCOFFS) What a bunch of big-city dummies. At least the rocks are light here. I don't even need my over-the-shoulder boulder holder. With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time. It's like being a voice actor. Say, you nose-breathers want to come see some real moon culture,

I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful.

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention-- a pointy rock tied to a stick.

(BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage!

You went to college? Of course.

Mr. Mayor, isn't this e-waste dangerous? Not at all, Scoop. Not after it's hauled off to the third world by an expendable team of minimum-wage nobodies.

Yea, Fry! I watch TV with that guy.

This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you. And if you like that, you'll love our main event.

It's like they're from some other, funkier painting.

Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No.

Hey, you want to celebrate our escape? Maybe grab a shot of tequila and take in a big-league cockfight?

Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe.

(GASPS) Sorry, everyone, no luck yet. (YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee. No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland.

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone!

From here to Pakistan

(LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh! It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous. You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out! (CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy.

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans. Well, just remember we all still have to work together, so try and let her down easy. In due time, Leela. But for now, I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us.

Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes!

seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life.

Stop that! Uh, please, Your Mightiness. "Mightiness"? Are you off your nut? I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs.

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

Then suicide it is.

I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Oh, hello, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there. I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy. That's nice. I was just out walkin' him. Yes, you can walk him. Of course, after he goes, you have to refill the canisters. Come here, boy! Pet, pet, pet. Robo-Puppy receiving petting.

You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over. Ooh, I know. My airbag.

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already.

Why am I the only one whining? All personnel, report to the laboratory. I've discovered the source of the music. (LAUGHS) Hologram off.

That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

(CLEARING THROAT) Ladytrons and gentlebots... Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose.

Look, I agree it'd make space walking more comfortable. But for a photo shoot, it's a little unsavory.

(BIRDS CHIRPING) Ah, now I can see what I'm doing. Commence the operation!

Ow. Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me? Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road. Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There. Uh, maybe I should drive.

For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle. Hey, that's not that bad.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away

You went to college?

Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip!

The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me. There we go.

Don't be a prude, Fry. Mmm! Boy!

Her Slurm will taste foul.

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand!

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them.

and Rumbledy-Hump. I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh. And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump.

Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again!

No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah. Congratulations on your big bust. You, too.

That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon," and then Calculon said, "No!"

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

Ah! There it is. The Tempus Nebula. Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope.

Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it!

The Professor's walrus-ivory teeth. And don't forget the zebra-fur ship cozy. (ALL AGREEING) Yeah, I guess you're right. He's got a point. See, Leela, there are two sides to every shameful act. What you call the atrocity of crazed dogs tearing a helpless fox to shreds, others call a pleasant jaunt in the park. The first thing.

Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a? Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours.

Oh, I've been there. Lots of times. Look at that. The carts go out full, but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep.

It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing. You make it look so easy. I've smoked a lot of paperwork in my day. Hey, Bender, did you ever find that inspector guy you were looking for? Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead,

That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding...

Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body! Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh. (LAUGHS) It's not funny!

Nonsense. You've been my grad student for 12 years.

You, too, Bender. Instead, I went to bed because I'm tired now. This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS) That is nasty!

Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification.

That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping.

Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole!

I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out! Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style. So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones.

Well, it was a spectacular battle, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage.

Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean.

Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the-- You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle!

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Kif, get us out of here. (BUZZING) Navigation is out. We're sitting ducks. Is there an auxiliary control system? Yes, outside on the hull. But there are 20 separate control keys. No one could work them well enough to ride out these energy waves.

If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid?

Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

Cool. Can I try these on before I buy them? I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful--

You see, Og everything's running smoothly.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood.... Aw!

Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer. Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half.

Ever since, we have waged unceasing war... against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

Beavers mate for life. Eleven greater than four. For quality carpets, visit Kaplan's Carpet Warehouse!

Well, now what are we going to do? Wait a second. Aren't you a member of the yacht club? By god, you're right. I'm a class-three yacht.

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself.

He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half.

Hmm? Bot wash, yeah Oh...

Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys

Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me.

My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky.

This thing is 40% chromium!

Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty. I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet. Here, read. Spa Five? Is it good?

My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes. Aw... what's the point?!

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff.

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

Where's the hunt master?

(EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave. Without a working one, we have no hope of returning to the future. Well, I'm sure we can buy a microwave somewhere around here. Meanwhile, you guys sneak onto the army base and rescue Bender's body. Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos.

It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never. And it's all thanks to a balanced diet, composed of nothing but purpleberries.

I'm getting everything ready for when he's cloned. Are you on the junk, Fry? Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence? Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

The crowd goes wild!

Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you!

long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

Well, that's eight hours. Yeah, eight hours of solid boredom. Nah, I'm kidding. You're a wonderful man. Finally, the atom is safe.

Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win. But it's a fight to the death!

In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment, which this year supports the United Mutant Scholarship Fund. (GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are. Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface. If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember? Right. You gonna finish that roll?

It's Fry. Wiggles? Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

Happy birthday!

Robo-American studies. Are you here to fumigate the moose head? Uh, no. Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back. Ah, close enough. Come on in.

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour!

With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse. Coming, gigantums!

(URGING) Whoa, whoa, there, girl. Go on, now! Get on back to Paraguay! (BRAYING) (GROWLING) (ALL SCREAMING) We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it.

Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets. Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history!

That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said. ANNOUNCER: Final boarding call for Flight 38 to the Amish Home World. As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns.

So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah! Also, I got this goin'.

I don't have much experience at fighting, except with you guys. I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan?

Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at.

So, I hear you're an expert in the shadowy field of body augmentation.

Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle. Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y? Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle,

That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting. Until now, you've gotten by on my leftover charisma, scrounging off it like a tiny charisma parasite.

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two. Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough. I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me.

You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop.

(SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you.

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"!

This isn't Slurm at all. Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan. Look at this.

Oops. Elves are back.

Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean. It's not fair! In my day, Xmas was supposed to bring people together, not blow them apart. Sure, but who's gonna do anything about it?

Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys!

You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone.

Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this? Silence.

Excuse me. Have you seen a giant brain? Yep. I let him help me whitewash Aunt Polly's fence. Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity. Please, no!

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

Oh, don't be such a spoilsport.

Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

"U leave me breathless"?

Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know.

Well, into the toilet.

Two men on, and they're down to their last out. Come on, Skipper. It's my last chance to prove I'm not the worst player ever. Please put me in. No! We're actually winning this game. You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind, or when our other pitchers sneak out early to beat the traffic!

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre. Ow!

Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages! Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster,

Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

Did we go too far?

Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone. Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown. Geez, Bender, you're scaring me. You're going wacko. You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense.

Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine. It's not like anyone's going to drink me.

Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana.

It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS)

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely.

The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin' A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash

Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa! Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

He's having a heart attack!

Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

Who the hell is this? How did you get this number?

What was the first one again? I hate you. I thought that was number two. I knocked it up a notch. Bam! Oh, I'll never recombobulate this ship. When the professor finds out, he'll tear me a new cloaca!

I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles.

remember me To one who lives there She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread.

No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that. Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship,

- LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

So I'm doomed to die,

Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from--

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

Look, let's just agree that gang violence is an important issue with no easy answers. Okay. Anyway, the ship's still here. And nothing was stolen. BENDER: Yeah, it was.

when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see.

No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium... has named Leela "Orphan of the Year." Your parents must be so proud. Ooh, sorry. And the good news keeps on coming. Behold, my latest invention.

Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here? By far, the most important thing is oil To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil No, we pour the holy lubricant out from this sacred vessel

Change places! The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it--

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards.

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it!

These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good.

but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die. Hmm. Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius!

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING)

Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now! The time has come, my friend.

(ROBOTS SCREAMING) Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year.

and a little on the uptight side. Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead? Oh, I've failed again.

It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry.

It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too.

Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world. We can. Just moisten your heads and put on these real-to-virtual adapter caps. Hmm, electricity plus hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe.

It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet.

Now he's tracking stink in here. By which I mean you. (LAUGHS) Yeah, Yancy, I stink. Atta boy, Yancy. Gorbachev that forehead up good. (FOREHEAD SQUEAKING) (FRY MOANS) Good old, crazy old dad.

Don't be applying your Eurocentric standards of beauty to me, fool. What's with the kamikaz-bees?

Nu? Is this the professor's cloning lab? Cloning is a sin against nature!

Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then. Get in there and pitch like you've never pitched like you before! Now pitching for the Mets, Turanga Leela! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Yea, Leela!

(GASPS) Bot-on-bot violence? Where will it end? Not with the dogs. Come here, Sea Gasket. (MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death.

But some things I had to learn myself. I learned that money is fine, but in the end, what counts is people. People you love. You can't put a price on that. And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What?

She's a beautiful ship, all right. Shapely, seductive. I'm going to fly her brains out.

Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No.

We don't got nobody here by that alias.

Well, at least we get a window.

Sorrow, anger, fear-- every emotion an actor can display. Turn off that crap-o-rama!

it looks like you're standing in hero wind.

Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast.

What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here. Robot House. Hey, Dean. Nice looking model.

Aha! Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer? I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow!

Now that's the God I know.

LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

All right! (MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk? Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood. Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye.

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Damn you, old man!

(HISSING) Oh! (GRUMBLING) Oh! Oh! Aah! Relax, you babies. It's no different from stomping a puppy. (GRUNTING) Everyone, stop! He's not going to hurt you. I'm standing in a pool of my own feet! Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it!

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Bring it on, baby!

It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed.

Miscellaneous, that's me. The nominees are Gene Tinker, Charles Kiley, Mike Pisarik, and Philip J. Fry. And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry! (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers? (SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there!

You want to understand something? Look at that lake.

End transmission.

Now, I can explain that. That's enough out of you. From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation. No fair! My mom is going to kill me. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship.

Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor?

What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope. Hey, hey, hey! I got me a souvenir. Aw, here you go, kid.

We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich.

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.

(DOORBELL RINGING) Hey, hey, hey. (ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards.

Stupid air-needing lungs.

I don't blame you. Having to wear a costume made from a hollowed-out walrus. Everyone, I have a confession. I, Turanga Leela, winner of a Young People's Choice Award, a Peabody Jr. and two Training Emmys, am not what I appear to be. There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh.

Oh, no! Please, no!

Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride.

Can you translate it? Of course.

It's from the kidnappers. My nephew is alive! And he's in this envelope. They cut off one of my dimensions! No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us!

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS)

Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun. D'oh! Hey.

The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow. This is my home. I hope you don't think less of me because I live in a giant castle.

Yay, Lamey! The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING) (SCREAMS) It's attacking me!

There's a lot of stuff I want to tell you. Well, like what? Well... (DOORBELL RINGS) (BARKING) (GASPS) Sorry to disturb you all, but Fry needs to get going. I was just telling him that, Leela. Mom? You know Leela? Nope. Leela, what are you doing in my dream? The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time.

We'll have to watch its every move. Powder, please. (CAGE CLANGS SHUT)

Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser. Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven!

I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them! I'm tired of your yapping!

Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew. My fellow Earthicans, I'm proud to announce I'm running for reelection as president of Earth, the greatest planet in the world. ALL: Yeah!

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand. Well, you were going to live in the closet anyway. Won't you be just as happy back in your old place? But... then we wouldn't be roommates. I'll come visit sometime, and you can visit me here. No, he can't.

Look, I guess you mean well, but isn't that university just a tax-deductible sewer-cleaning service? My dear, that school is about much more than sewer pipes. Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats.

Hey! Keep it down, you kids! I'm tryin' to take a nap! Come on. Come on!

I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion.

Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water. (EXCLAIMS) That's the worst thing I've ever seen!

Quiet! Call comin' in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

What's happening? Holy shoot! Looky! The enemy, they're balls! Ow! Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right.

Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs.

Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to. Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either.

Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn. Anyone want butter on that?

They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you. Let us in! Fry must die so that Bont may live. What am I going to do? We've got to get the emperor out of your body before they kill you.

Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots.

and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender. What proof is this-- some huge number? It's explosive. Maybe we could escape by setting fire to the distillery... and blowing this whole place to rubble.

just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss. I think you're forgetting our motto.

He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

I hope this is the control stick.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned.

Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Simply jam your finger in the hole and this readout tells you exactly how long you have left to live. Does it really work? Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live? Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

Sir! Yes, sir! Sir!

(SHRIEKING) A giant sausage! (ALL GASPING) Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage! Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING)

But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace.

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life!

You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude.

It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

My condolences, LaBarbara.

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS)

(SOBS) Thank you for coming. You know, without your mother, the sewer's a dank and dismal place. Dad, we need to talk. Mom is... Well, she's seeing someone else. Who is it, Mouth Mutant? I ought to punch him right in his big mouth. And then in all his smaller mouths! No, no, listen.

Hello? Is anyone there?

Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry--

Oh, but I guess we're just two different people. So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

Oh, Fry. All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew.

If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough. Score!

NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what. Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on. Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere.

Now that's what I call fine print. Okay, but good luck making a girlie calendar with only two female employees. Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job. HERMES: And it's excited about you, LaBarbara. First order of business is to put on your uniform and take your ID photo.

Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now!

At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all. Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not. Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor.

Yes? Hi, Dad. It's me and my coworkers. Open up, Leo. It's Amy and her weirdos. Howdy, friends. Welcome to Mars.

Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me.

Man, it's hot. How hot is it?

Dead! You hear me? Dead!

Watch and learn.

That's him! Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate,

What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand. Thou shalt not snatch. And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold.

What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot?

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Morbo interrupts Bowling For Quatloos to present breaking coverage of the birth of Senator Chris Travers.

My God! Saint James was a robot! My God! Da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue. My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good. Working in financial services, you really get to help rich people realize their expensive dreams. Nice disguise, by the way. I won't say anything.

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight.

Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that? Phew! I don't believe it. It's dark matter.

What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then.

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho.

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend... Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express.

Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

Please, just leave me alone. Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered,

Hmm! What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm!

Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.

Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww! Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck. Oww! Oww! Oww!

Wait, why do the raised letters that normally say "Turn Master Steering Wheel Company" say "Nibbler"?

Ah, yes, foxhunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat? (SIGHS) This is the fox we'll be hunting today.

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going? Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God.

Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier. I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle.

Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

(WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks!

That's the one thing we'll never truly understand.

This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish?

No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn.

Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING)

The Earth is born! Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land.

What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms... I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering.

All of you, out! Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is. Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo. Where's me consort at?

(MUTANTS CHEERING) Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one.

Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go. Can I please just go back to prison? You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care.

Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

Leela, a little help is nothing to be embarrassed about. Like, maybe I could do your makeup. I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself. You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso. Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant.

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why?

Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder. Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer?

Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud... of the mud planet Decapod 10! Invading these mud premises is an act of war! Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot? Attack Earth! Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it!

(STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say?

Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal. Nobody said that. (SCREAMS)

Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh. What about me? You are free to go. Yes!

What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

- Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman.

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas? Ooh! And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade. Sorry. I overslept.

Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires! In this scene, you've just found out your real father... is Calculon's fourth evil identical "septuplet"-- Sleazy Martinez.

You home from school, you traitor? I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door. Here's your homework, you lucky knob. And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover,

Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills!

Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive! Yeah?

(CROWD CHEERING) Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant... (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

You've noticed I design all my robots with antennas. Everyone thinks it's just to make them look more science-fictiony. But the antennas are really for my universal robot controller. So they do whatever you want? No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you.

She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her. Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire.

Psst. Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club?

Oh, yes! This just in. Three dead in foamy plunge. (LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species! Five out of 10, also nice.

It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem.

(CLICKING) O'MANAHAN: Well, it's that time of the month.

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle. What's happening? Holy shoot! Looky! The enemy, they're balls! Ow!

Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh.

Bender is falling! Whoa!

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out. So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician.

Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING)

And even though it won't I'm still taking you to get registered. Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register. Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting? The very instant I became old.

Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES)

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us.

You idiot. I'm not a cannon. Huh. I guess I am a cannon. (MOANS) Time to prune the family tree.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter.

Don't worry. Everything went fine. - Better than usual. - We got medals. Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo! They got medals.

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wow. Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock?

Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu.

Quick, in here! (GRUNTING) (PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING) Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise.

See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero? Now he's flushed himself down the toilet?

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup?

Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you.

That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not.

My grandfather died recently.

Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion. And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence,

I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do.

You know you want to.

Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats.

No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible?

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat. What was the first one again? I hate you. I thought that was number two.

Aye, I'll help ye for a cut of the booty. Now, when you say a cut of the booty... I mean a percentage of the value of the recovered goods. Now be gettin' some rest. The booty call is at daybreak.

"Gwoble wappo"?

Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego.

It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald.

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda. You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots!

What a pleasant surprise. Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box. I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be.

Who you gonna call? Gho...

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES) Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No.

I'm the greatest... the greatest! And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What?

You guys went obsolete years ago.

I'm immortal, baby. What? Then how come you always scream so much when you're in danger? I never said I wasn't a drama queen.

I gotta get outta here!

Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose!

which I'm presently engaged in handing to you. Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

Gosh, my old neighborhood. Oh! That's the bench where I found some shirts! That fire hydrant-- In the summer we'd light on fire. On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a Socialist newsletter. Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it!

You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really?

You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too.

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich.

Who is he?! I'll kill him!

Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113. I actually knew that offhand. I'm Facebooking right now.

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over! Sure. I just wish I could be more helpful. Would you like some dirt on any other orphans? Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later. Can you translate it? Of course.

As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth. Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity.

It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on! I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

Bigfoot? Bigfoot! Bigfoot, is that you?

Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie,

(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa. A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble.

We missed! Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you...

Now with the horror hair.

Okay. Eye off the ball. Uuh! Stee-rike! Hooray! Yeah, you did it, Leela. I didn't hit the batter! For once I was pitching and not just belly itching. Oh, you got that too? I think there's a rash goin' around.

Nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs. How could you tell? I guessed. (YOWLS) They're at it again.

Ow! What's in these things? Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow.

Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us?

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

Decisions, decisions. I guess I'll sit way in back, with the cool guys. Yo, hombre, you think you're cool enough to sit way in back with us college toughs? Yes, I do. Yo, in that case you're all right, man. You want to join a gang? I'm gonna go with yes again.

The holiday season is a time of celebration for most but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate. Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering. Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots--

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments.

Whoa-oh! Huh? Hey!

Would you show a little emotion? People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day.

We've got to get the old Bender back. And I think I know a way to do it. We have to reacquaint him with a little thing called sleaze. I can't believe somebody hired an interstellar spaceship to deliver a package to Atlantic City. What are we delivering, anyway?

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone?

It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry! I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass?

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

Okay, it's your turn.

Not even close.

Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired. Ah, to be young again... and also a robot.

You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208.

Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there. Everything's changed. That's not true.

Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww! (GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker.

(GASPS) Mama? Daddy?

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug!

I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters" I mean this office. Uh-huh. And by "people," I mean you. Right. And by "inconsiderate," I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole?

All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted.

That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it. Stop! It's driving me sane!

And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop!

And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender.

It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die?

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair.

For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe. So, Professor, where are we gonna go? It's July, right?

There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune.

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there!

Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man.

Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies!

The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

I do other human stuff! I age. See?

Your own mind Hey there's a toothache coming from your goldmine, your goldmine Why don't you come on over sometime And have ourselves a really good time

(VEHICLE APPROACHING) (GASPS) Five-O, five-O! - Five what? - Five Omicronians! Everyone, grab your buddy and get back to the ship!

It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

It's the 7:38! Jump! BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

I'll be in the chamber of understanding.

The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best.

(BOTH GROANING)

Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past. Lady, all of human history happened in your past!

- (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here! (GRUNTING) (PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness.

Should we turn on the TV? Nah. (COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds. How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo.

I missed you so much. You did? What happened? I was robbed. They got everything, except these. Who did? Hello, Fry. It's Mom. I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies.

ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish!

What is this moose drip? "The New Delivery Kings?" I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts. But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

Mr. President, our children are fat and dumb, and we blame cartoons. It's time to get government onto our backs. We demand you regulate children's programming and force the writers to shoehorn in helpful lessons.

So he's, like, legally dead now. Want to get married and whatever? Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's.

There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up.

It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender. How could Flexo have stolen the atom? He must have used a sleep ray on me. Sleep rays exist in the future, right? No. Mmm. Then I must have fallen asleep.

It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking.

The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused.

Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability,

Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud... of the mud planet Decapod 10!

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

Well, I'm smart and I care too much. I want to know what's in that crate. But we're not allowed to open it! I know that! Go get me a crowbar. Please, use mine. I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it...

(SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.

I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh! It's not fair.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Francis? Francis, I have good news! It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you-- and only one who was deadlier. I heard you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system. The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

But Your, um, Martian-ness. These buggalo aren't yours. They belong to the Wong family. You mean family that took all Martian land and gave us one lousy bead?

Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate! With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move.

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters.

You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours,

The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he? (GASPING) Bender?

No, we're not. We Nibblonians are an ancient and powerful race. Behold-- When the universe was forged in the crucible of the big bang, our mighty race was already 17 years old. Aww! For the first millisecond of time, things were okay,

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush. He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING) Everybody, take a Franklinator. Aw, I got a chipmunk.

How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me!

Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want?

(ALL GASPING) Pops. Sweet reawakenin' of me, a Jamaican-in. Hermes, you're alive. And practically rhyming. Wife, Son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control.

I'll have a thorax and some feelers. You want some salad with that? Yuck! Mom, Dad, you remember Kif. This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned.

but someone needs to remind you of the truth. You're a grade-B actor who died and was immediately forgotten. Leela! That's not very nice. You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago. The sad fact is, we should have left you dead, because you can't possibly do a scene like this.

I'm so into you.

So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost? That's right. They think they have a good union, but they don't. They're basically slaves. What are you doing?

Hey, All My Circuits. Move over. Ah! Fry, sometimes in close quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it. I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters"

I'd like an extra-beautiful bouquet, for my extra-gorgeous sweetheart. Average, please.

Now everybody hit the deck!

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww. Hmm. Hmm.

But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo!

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut. Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass!

Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy. FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "Smizmarr," and my Smizmarr is Amy. So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something? Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant. That's okay.

I remember my body. Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body. God, I loved it.

Welcome, museum members. Or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. (CHUCKLING WEAKLY) He's good. Tonight we have a new resident here in the Hall of Hominids, generously donated by its discoverer, Hubert Farnsworth. Ladies and gentlemen, Homo Farnsworth.

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit. What-mas? Christmas. You know, X-M-A-S. Oh, you mean Xmas. You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home.

Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back!

Whoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail? Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what?

Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either. Leela's going nuts, and I can't save her... unless I learn more about her mysterious past. Isn't there anything else you can tell me? Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most... Quickly. Into the time shelter.

(BOTH CRYING OUT)

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant?

You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story.

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away! Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

No, this isn't mutant language. We use a lot more profanity. Son of a... (BLEEP) Leela, take my hand! I'm slipping! The one time your hands aren't sticky, they're greasy! Oh, sorry. Normally I would've wiped them on my pants, but... (SCREAMS)

just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office.

I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax.

My ice cream Manwich! What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist.

Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it. Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad, but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written.

I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game.

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner.

Okay, let's clone us a whole team of Larry Birds. Now we can practice for the big game. We figure, if we can beat five Larry Birds, we can beat anybody.

So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series. It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella!

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready? (ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why!

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again! We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me.

Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one.

Captain's journal: Stardate, uh-- April 13. April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe.

We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity.

So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line.

The doctor is in.

Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait. Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned.

It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up.

I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now.

I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either. Then prepare to be embarrassed. (ANNOUNCER READING) Or...

Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) The pee-babies peed themselves.

This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back. Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent!

(2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME SONG PLAYING) (DOOR BELL CHIMES) My God! It's full of geezers.

You didn't. I checked the invariance of your Lagrangian. Hubba-hubba.

Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks. You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry.

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God.

Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them. Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford? Quiet. There's an ad coming on.

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty.

Ow! Bender! Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry.

the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier? Come on, let's sneak in for a closer look.

I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you.

Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right? Shut up, Zoidberg. Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort. And with no stone monument, they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING)

Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else!

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown!

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead!

You must be so proud of your boy.

It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me? Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes.

I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone, to nurse us through this catastrophe. (GROANS) Why, God? Why have I been singled out?

Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in.

Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't.

Steady. Steady. Now!

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.

(DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end.

And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

I don't feel well. Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost--

Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh.

This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that.

Go for it, Bender. You know you want to. Well... I'm the greatest!

I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope.

(GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

That dog won't hunt, monsignor.

Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network.

What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think.

Hmm. We lost Bender. There.

He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No!

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned. I can't stop eating this delicious ooze but I'm not going to let you die.

No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca!

Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus!

I'm tryin' to take a nap! Come on. Come on!

Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle.

Stay right there, dearie. I'll have tech support take care of you. Well, things are starting to look up.

Would we have donkeys? All you could eat. Oh, take me in your arms and compress me! Compress me tight!

Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela! It's no use. We were going full speed when we fired him. So he's going even faster than that! You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

I don't need help. For your information, I did this all by myself. You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso. Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant.

Maybe we could plotz in that giant cockle. AMY: Shmeepers, it's the Land Titanic, the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed. (WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus.

Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it?

Well, we're boned.

They're only a foot high, Professor. Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really. We'll need to speed up their growth... with time particles called chronitons. Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza-- Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

(COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air. (CRACKLING) Who's there? Hermes, is this one of your zany practical jokes? (YELLING)

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day.

Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake! Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop waking me. Where am I? In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison.

Okay, Fry here's the package to deliver. And for once in your life, be careful. This is my first visit to the Galaxy of Terror and I'd like it to be a pleasant one. Ow!

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old. But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card. "You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name. "You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami."

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

I was. It was shame. I've never felt it before.

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys.

You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area.

- Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so.

That's right. She fraternized me. That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless.

I said "us." Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you.

Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots-- Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder?

Your granny can go to hell!

Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death!

Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do.

We interrupt this ancient prophecy to bring you a late-breaking bulletin.

Here, Amy. We get this one for you.

Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud!

What do you want? I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking.

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

Now you'll never know how much I love you. (BOTH EXCLAIM) FRY: It went kersplitters. Fry, I don't need a diamond. You've given me the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, all the colors of the spectrum.

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself.

The Brain Spawn suppress intelligence by attacking the delta brain wave. Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not.

Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

My God, he's become evil. I mean, eviller.

But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right.

Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys. The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack.

It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful. Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here.

Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not.

Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action! I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num.

You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn?

into the deep, dark waters of commitment. That's so beautiful! Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this! Oh, my God!

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist.

The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers.

Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal. Nobody said that. (SCREAMS)

Or at best, a viscount. I think "peasant" is about right. Duke. On this set, I'm at least a duke. My extensive acting resume dwarfs that of the average bit player. Yes, that's true. But remember, it's that kind of acting that ruined you. Or maybe archduke. Whichever one gets to fire the director. Oh, Lord, here we go.

Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame for the love that I feel just from hearing your name You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami--

We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

Five, four, three, two-- Waaah! What the--

From the moment our automated shuttle picks you up, you'll be totally alone. With no employees and just a single well-appointed bungalow, Casa Ysolata caters to only one couple at a time. So act now! The perfect getaway awaits!

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens.

31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle.

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian?

But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy.

You're the best friend I have left. And I barely even know you. Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant.

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep.

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) But how exactly is this Happy Meal toy going to destroy a giant death sphere? From within. This ship should be able to sneak, undetected, through the sphere's one vulnerable opening. What vulnerable opening?

(MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time! I got a donor nose! There was an accident at the fencing academy. Touche.

The low gravity lets them nice ladies flap every which way, so long as they only wear light, skimpy outfits. It's a necessity of the sport, it is.

I put my money in my sock. So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? A movie-- A movie, ma'am. Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00. Dad! You're being too lenient again. I have to be back by 11:00! Okay, okay! You're the boss.

I don't miss twice, campers.

One, two! one, two, three!

Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah.

This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle.

That is so true.

Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology. (SCREAMING)

You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes. But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV?

(LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela! Oh! Ah!

You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

Enjoy! So, this Leela I know she's a very sensuous woman but what manner of captain is she? She's really strict. And mean. I see. Does she, by any chance, give the crew members spankings?

I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired.

Bender, wake up! She's here! Wake up!

It's not even worth watching anymore.

Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?!

I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason. All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse.

It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment.

My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste.

This planet is controlled by two rival gangs, the Blips and the Cruds. You can tell them apart by their colors, red and blue. Which gang's red, and which gang's blue? Both!

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved.

If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now.

Although we are technically in New jersey.

I... Hey, cut that out!

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess. This beauty has four broilers, a casserole indicator, a fold-out ironing board, and down here a foot-soaking tub... since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally. Uh, listen. I just want you all to know, your Leela's one standard lady.

Behold, my latest invention.

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

Like anyone wants to leave the sewer. Am I right? (ALL CHUCKLING) Shush, Morris. So, how did it all begin? The unlikely lovebirds met at Brown University. She, a brilliant exolinguistics major, he, a laid-back sewer surfer who didn't even know the meaning of "exolinguistics."

And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello!

Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes.

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing.

Okay, okay, that's enough.

Ah! (BOTH YELLING)

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right.

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

Ahem! Ah, this may not be the best time, but a couple years ago, a homeless rodeo clown named Floyd came to the door claiming he was... Bender! Why do you always have to be the center of attention?

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next.

Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back

I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back. (ALL GASPING) Pops. Sweet reawakenin' of me, a Jamaican-in.

Here we go. Careful this time. Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh.

I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it!

It sure is. I could just lie here beside you... staring at the sky all night. I can't. Ooh! What's that? Maybe we just made love.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender!

Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow!

You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Only this time--

An Oscar, you say? That would get me out of this festering rat's nest... called television once and for all.

This is our chance. Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this.

most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You!

- Hi, Mom. - Hi, sweetie. You want some crackers and a slice of hat? No, thanks. Listen, um... I never got the chance to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes? Sure, honey, you're the most important thing in my life once this game is over.

I'd like to return these for a refund.

It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum... Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise!

one is always clearly better. Chocolate, Mac, men. The end. Well, I've got nothing to do for the next eight million years. Therefore, I will administer a series of tests to determine the superior gender. Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING)

(ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30.

That heavenly stench.

You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone. I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No!

Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum.

Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil! LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela.

Hmm. It should look like this. But instead it looks like this. Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands.

Aw. You're homesick, aren't you, T.? Mm-hmm. I miss Earth, and I'm still hungry.

Come, Bender. You'll like being dead. That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

- Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck.

The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it-- not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean.

No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together.

What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation. Repeat customer discount, free meals 'cause I brought my own peanut butter. Whole trip cost less than 600 bucks.

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9. Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job,

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

(BOTH PANTING) I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey!

Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why.

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes.

finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe. So, Professor, where are we gonna go? It's July, right? Let's wait three months and go to Oktoberfest!

Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

Did-Did you just talk? Indeed. And I have other amazing powers as well. Like what? Ooh!

Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls? You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats! Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way,

I'm alive! (ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back!

Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted!

Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas. I'll get us out of here.

All I wanted was to gorge myself a little,

Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule. I wish they'd just wipe out humanity and get it over with. It's the waiting I can't stand.

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me!

I could solve this crime if only I had personally watched it happen.

Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

F-F-Focus! Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him.

Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up.

We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha. (SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP)

I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks,

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady.

Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay.

I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay.

Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Ray-blocking power!

Hey, big lobster Take a little bath with me

Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't--

Your Honor, Mom is a poor, frail industrialist with three special sons who require constant neglect. Yet isn't it true, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that this boy, this Cubert Farnsworth... That's my name. Don't wear it out.

I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst, not breakups and boring thing! AUTOMATED VOICE: For hundreds of years,

Sorry you didn't get to mate. But, hey, we can still play some beach games. Who's up for some Twister? No! We beta males deserve better. When we're in charge, we'll treat females with respect,

You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go.

worshipping some lowlife jerk. He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck

because I like you.

As a pathetic has-been, they remember me.

Yes, sir, Captain.

Good news, Leela. I landed the contract... to empty all the spittoons in Little Italy. Eww! That's it. It's done.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here.

Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Well, I got through the night, and no one looked in the box. Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it.

(GIGGLING) Sorry, Bev, but I ain't cut out for fatherhood. So here's my certificate of abandonment drawn up by our notary. That'll be 10 bucks. Now take your kid and hit the soup line! (LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy!

Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap. (YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine.

could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other.

And we're out of business.

I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him!

I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department!

Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

And I like lollipops.

One. Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no!

And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons, the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach-- Destructor! So, we meet again. Most amusing.

My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name! What's on the TV tonight? Oh, wait! I don't care, because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear,

I told you not to talk about my mama! (GROANING)

I was lying here snoozing, dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists, when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING)

This is our last chance, Fry! When the alien ship plays the tone sequence, respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure.

Look at the date on this newspaper. April 17th, 1775.

Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs!

Here we go, y'all! Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg

Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No. All right, all right, I'll call him. I mean, if living is that important to you. And that's why you'll never make captain, Kif. Hmm. Hello, Zapp? Well, well, well.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini.

And now, at last, neither do I! Maybe we can figure it out. We? (LAUGHS) Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me.

Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant,

Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death--

"Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

Don't you lay a hand on that angel! Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane.

BENDER: Faster! Hyah! CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING)

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad. (SIGHS)

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk! So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely...

You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets. Say, do you know Obliteron? He pretends to be a hamster, but... Yeah, that's really great. Could you please tell us what's going on? What? Oh! Right.

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise,

Uh... Ever been to Peru? Certainly not. I'm from Peru.

(LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name. You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning.

Super King has no need for loved ones. How're ya doin', kid?

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More!

(CHOKING) Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh?

Please stand to one side to let faster pilgrims by.

(ALL BOOING) Why are they booing me, Silicon? 'Cause your song was insincere, boy. Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about. Yes, sir.

What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage.

Duh, Roberto! Ooh, what a surprise to see you in here! Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember? Remember all that squealin' I didn't do? Remember? Do ya? Yeah. Yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy. Ooh.

Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship...

No one calls me that! I'm having at you! Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

(EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father. But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say? Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say? It wasn't by themselves. I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it!

No one move. I'm back, baby.

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

Yeah, well, I'll show you and Mr. Bananas. Anyway, I've got nothing better to do while I'm sick in bed. Wait, that's it! I'll make a space experiment about the common cold. Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good.

Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble.

Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

I was like, "Save them!" And he was all, "No problem." And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea.

How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna.

But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you! Please rise for the national anthem. Uh-oh. Let Claw Plock begin!

Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord.

And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down.

A ship in a bottle. What's that? Hang on. I'll look. Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa? I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor,

Only one man in the colonies has a printing press fine enough to make these. Our good friend, Ben Franklin! Uh-oh. Isn't Franklin in Philadelphia? When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa. (ALL LAUGHING) I don't get it. I'm sure no one's ever said this before,

there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian?

(POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars. Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man!

The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

- Right? - Right. It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

Guys! Guys! There's something on television. Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension... as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit.

Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat-- wherever good times are had.

So no one's dead? Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party.

To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you! Let the games begin!

Permanent? That's completely out of character for Antonio. I'm getting up.

"Friend"? But I'm doomed! I might as well capture a Yeti and die trying.

Two men go down, one come up. Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would. Sorry, everyone, but need I remind you? Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water."

Odor at magnitude eight.

And this time I mean it!

(IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up!

My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right?

With the cards. (WHIRRING) And with the ladies. Whoa! Sir! But those are my arms! That's gropey and that's cheaty. Cheaty? (GUNS COCKING)

That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah! Wait! No, thanks.

She'll kill you! Big whoop. I'll just download into a new... Oh, right. If I die, I die. Speaking of which... (MACHINE GUN FIRING) You're right. You're right. You're right. That's what you get for calling tech support.

You look sad. You want to go down to the phone store and check out the new ring tones? No. It's been a weird day. I'm just gonna stay here and think for a while. Okay. (KISSES)

Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive. Wonderful. Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony.

My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins. (SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it?

This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building.

What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

I'm workin' on my song. Hand me the Becktionary. No, no, the rhyming Becktionary.

Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots. Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

Fear not the space behemoth. In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all. Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry!

Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes, but if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you to grow up strong and resilient. Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous, I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud.

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama.

Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here. All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack.

Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen?

Help is on the way!

What are we gonna do? Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party!

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours.

This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring. That's a good one. Ow!

I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot.

They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about some bimbo lawyer? It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

This is cool, Professor. We should go out and celebrate. Dear lord, you've all reverted to your childhood forms! Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

So, we're cool?

(MOANING CONTINUES) Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No. Well, okay then. Yes, it's been lovely.

Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her

on December 31, 1999.

I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles. Is it okay? I can't hear anything.

Please, let me make it up to you. I'll treat you to a fancy birthday dinner tonight, at Cavern on the Green. Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up. Not this time. No matter what happens, I swear I'll be there. Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down,

Oh! Killed? In an atomic blast? No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly. Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized,

Why do they call it that?

Sell 100 soylent beans! Buy 3,000 corn bellies! Two hundred cans Whoop-Ass! Three big bags of trash! Attention, please.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra!

I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What? (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING)

Slow down, baby. The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives.

Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything. We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but... we drawed you this picture. So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist. But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once. Come on, number six! Move it!

So, any of you guys thinking of being a sneaky male this season? (ALL STAMMERING) This season? Walrus don't need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never... She... No one ever goes walrus. I'm a little old for it now, but in my prime, I was quite the sneaker.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet.

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Robot... we be. Uh, yep. just two robots out roboting it up. Eh? Administer the test.

Crew on deck. How was the delivery to Tokyo? Not bad. Mothzilla got into the ship's closet, though. Can we please get new uniforms now, Professor? You said you would replace them a year ago.

Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this? Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again?

I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock. He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it. Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones, there'll be no stopping him. Tonight, Mr. Peppy must die. Angus, wait, my strictly platonic friend is right.

No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor.

Nice rack, though.

just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds. Rats. just another tooth.

Who is that godlike figure? It's my brother, Yancy. And there, in his lapel-- my seven-leaf clover! I knew he stole it! Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name.

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express.

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

- (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay?

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show." "Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play." It says nine of them are gonna be okay. So they really didn't like it. They hated my acting.

Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie.

Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever.

You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat. I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses in the fact that I'm immune. (LAUGHS) Which is why we'll all be counting on you, and you alone,

How about a lift... to your place?

Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission. Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?

Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real.

Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

(ALL SIGH) Man! I can't help noticing a lot of your employees are native Martians. Yeah, they a proud, grouchy people. (GROWLS) Well, they do work for minimum wage in a land that was once theirs. Yeah, but they never made wise use of the land.

get down tonight get down tonight

We're closing in on the very smallest particles of matter. For the first time, we're about to observe the fundamental structure of the universe. (EXCLAIMS) Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty.

I am Bender Please insert girder

(SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set.

Whoa! Oh, what the hell.

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new. What an exquisite day!

Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you? No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil.

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it. Wait, a what's-a-whatzo? A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer.

I've only got two fantasies left-- to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime.

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

At first, it seemed beneficial. Long, dark nights for sleeping, long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot. (MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING)

Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them. Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford? Quiet. There's an ad coming on.

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water?

Stay tuned for more:

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened?

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay. You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

Yeah, death's a big deal to you flesh bags. But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot. So? What if something heavy fell on you, like a church? You could still die. Nuh-uh! My wireless backup unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body.

Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car. I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as... Calculon!

We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald. But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust. But if it must be so, then let a museum heist be pulled!

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto.

Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse. Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle. Yo! Hero in the house.

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome. Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation.

Fresh-killed bait. (CHOKING) (SHIVERS) Can we get inside the shack? I'm wearing a belly parka.

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow!

Well, in that case, don't wear them. Ah, who asked you? (SCATTING) Oh! I like your nerd glasses. Are you a college student? A college student? (LAUGHING) Because if you are, I'd like to invite you to a hot sorority party tonight.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead.

That's "Flexo outranks me, sir." Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend, but I don't trust him alone with the atom. My God, Fry. just 'cause the guy's got a beard, you label him as evil?

Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately? Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world.

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

Little twerp. Ay, Chihuahua! Qbert, as my successor I'm trusting you to carry on my work. These are just some of the half-finished inventions you'll spend your life finishing. I didn't realize you were the inventor of the junk heap.

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

Oh, that's a wicked, sinful place. Tilt-a-whirl's okay but the rest is mighty wicked.

We rewrote your part to better suit your acting abilities. So now my character has a British accent? No. Now your character's in a coma. Get in bed and don't move. And... action! Stupid dumb coma. Coulda been British.

Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it.

Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted.

Hmm. I better check the fluid levels.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out?

(SIGHS) Everything but how they smell.

The British are coming! The British are coming!

So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out! Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

All that matters is what I learned here, within these unscalable walls, that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela!

Oh, there'll be lots more. Yes. Lots. (SOBBING) Nurse Amy, the anesthesia. Smell you later.

Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF)

You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy.

I remember. Too bad he got partially run over by that steamroller. Can I kiss you? First, let me pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming! Ouch! I forgot I was a giant crab!

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

Take me now, you stud! Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that.

harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough.

If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right?

You folks still doing all right? Oh, yes, Elzar. Good. 'Cause it turns out I forgot to cook that chicken. Bad news, everyone.

Does that dummy have a brother?

That is one sexy bridge abutment.

Arr! I saw it first.

(BENDER GASPS) He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party.

Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time... to tell you of the many ways I love you.

I think we got ourselves an excess of chronitons in the subatomic interstices.

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING) Missed it by that much.

Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Too bad he wasn't an alligator.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu. Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But-- Don't be a prude, Fry.

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized.

Quick! In there! Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order. I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse...

Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

Sacred weed you say?

I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it.

We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death.

The time skips are worse than ever now. Isolated spots are jumping by years at a time. Look!

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

What was your minor? Robo-American studies. Are you here to fumigate the moose head? Uh, no. Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back. Ah, close enough.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep,

And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that? I guess I can't. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender?

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

This is hell. (SCOFFS) You wish.

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole?

The Earth was created in eons, not days. Yes, relative to you, it was eons, but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur.

Where do you think you're going, No-cat?

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. How about a few words, Professor?

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway?

Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old.

It's okay, Son, Mama's here now. Daddy! Don't let her take me! Get your lack of hands off my boy! You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child! Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still less unfitter than you. Says who?

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

Great cow of Moscow!

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem.

So I told Leela "Your request for a date is most flattering "but I must decline. "These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one.

I'll conquer something tomorrow after I fuel up on one of your disgusting egg-white omelets. You want yolks? Fine! Enjoy your stroke.

Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange.

Told you! Yee-haw! Still, someone should eat the hat.

Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium... has named Leela "Orphan of the Year." Your parents must be so proud. Ooh, sorry. And the good news keeps on coming.

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter? Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality. Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys.

just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid! Does Mister Bender wish me to destroy myself? I don't need your charity! Target Robot 1-X, and fire!

Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram!

You're worthless, and no one will ever love you!

Blech! We have to track down my nose...

When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring.

LEELA: To my wonderful friends, words can't express how thoughtful you've been. I don't want to make you suffer through this with me, so I've decided to move underground to the sewer. I'll miss several of you, but I know it's the right thing to do.

This is about your tentacles, isn't it? Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS)

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics,

Yes. Stop asking.

Oh, poor Guenter. So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry. I guess he realized I was right when I told him to go back to the jungle.

Watch for the closing doors.

No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way!

They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Let's recap what's happened so far.

Oh, how could Amy leave me? When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rites. Let me know how that turns out.

"I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na."

Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation. Help, help! Fry. I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever.

Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it. The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal.

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear.

(BARKING) Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car?

(GRUNTING) It's not a duffel bag. It's my apartment!

May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass. Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm going to be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you.

Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

Professor, for saving the Earth and foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this.

Aha! You see? I freed him from your infernal contraption and he returned to normal. On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism. Or I did, until Mom cured me of my awful disease using genetic engineering. That's why she had me hooked up in her lab. Oh! Well, congratulations. You look great.

Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda!

Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

Hey, Bender. Here's an exhibit about Mom's favorite robot. Who is he?! I'll kill him! Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas.

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know.

Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future.

We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

One puny human got a look at the robber-- Here we go. Here we go! Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular-- Yeah! Make me famous, big head! Caucasian human male. What? Hey, now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day? This is an outrage!

I can't take it anymore! They've been at it for hours! Give it a rest, you two! Sorry!

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology.

What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread.

Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time.

His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk!

After all, it's shareware.

Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little.

Oh, Kif, it's so romantic! I can't even wait. I'm gonna wear it right now.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Fender. Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box? Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band.

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again?

Send in my science advisor. Wernstrom! Well, well, well.

I'm still not following you. Wake up, my king.

Harpoon, my ass. Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use...

We don't know, either. Then prepare to be embarrassed. (ANNOUNCER READING) Or... (ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me!

Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend.

We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety.

His wristwatch is a Casio. Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Hubert Farnsworth?

She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work.

Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork.

No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist.

Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler. Aw.

Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins!

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh!

My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em. I don't wanna! Hey, man! I believe you're a human.

I'm bored! Let's go.

Professor, make a woman out of me. Oh, I think we should just stay friends. I don't need friends! I need a sex-change operation and give it to me now! Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure.

Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here! Over here! Let the hunt begin!

Eww! That's it. It's done. I can't believe it. My mind is boggling. The analysis of the note is printing out now.

For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf!

That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals. So we have to bring back two of each kind--

What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah!

Yeah, yeah, big whoop. No one cares.

(ALL BOOING) Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no?

The evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living? I'm a banking industry regulator. Really? You know, I heard that banking industry regulations are really very simple. Oh, no. That's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions.

It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times.

I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended.

Leela! My precious rock dove! I'll save you! Aah! Everyone, to the fire door! It's on fire! We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus! Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee,

Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um-- What if I can't think of anything to say? Here's my personal book of pickup lines.

Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub.

Come on, girdle. Hold.

Well, rest assured,

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

Bring it on, baby!

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili. What do you want in that, beans or just blood? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am! (ALARM BLARING) We'll be there right away. Yeah, don't trouble yourselves. This is just a one-hero fire.

Sweetbags. Hello? Hello? What's happening? I'm not sure. I think he's shuffling off sadly into the distance. Oh, Lord.

Exalted leaders,

This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them. They're so stinking talented. They don't even need their fathers anymore.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized.

Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob... Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge. Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend.

Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks.

Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing.

just get to work. "I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na." I agree. The point is it's just so humiliating working for that man. Once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits while he was in the bathtub.

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you?

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

Sure. Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals.

Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else! Or else what? Or else that. Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years.

my good chum. But why would God think in binary? Unless... you're not God, but the remains of a computerized space probe... that collided with God! That seems probable.

Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto.

Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know. Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan. just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner. Let's see.

Aha! That satellite was scuttled on Enceladus, Saturn's main dump moon. Let's dump it up!

That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car.

So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

Not everything. There's still a roach problem. Ew. Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing? And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going? Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn. Bender, is that thou? I love you.

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha!

Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job. HERMES: And it's excited about you, LaBarbara. First order of business is to put on your uniform and take your ID photo.

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif.

Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection.

(SIGHS) Okay, look, I'm not that kind of robot. I'm more this kind of robot. (BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

Really? Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week! A hundred dollars a week! I'm so sorry I teased you back then. Let me make it up to you. I can fix it so no one ever makes fun of you again. You mean, by beating them up?

Now, to run it through our high-speed romance-alogical datafier. Beep-bee-de-beep-beep. Beep. Bee-de-bee-beep-beep. Beep.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room.

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat.

I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk.

Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money! Well, I'm stumped.

All my friends who've done that say that, afterwards, all the passion went out of their relationship. Look, I don't know if you want my opinion-- Leela, Bender and I really need to be alone. So, I'm turning off the oxygen.

As God is my witness, you can count on me.

It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

KATZ: Downtown Professor of Applied Physics, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate. I see by your curriculum vitae that you're a Sagittarius. KATZ: And Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell. MALE VOICE: The cow says... (MOOING) He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since.

Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league! That's why you're going to lose next week's title match.

Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew!

I'd really rather not force it on him. Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot.

You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One! Yes! Here I come, future!

Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas. Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've got nothing to hide! Our next speaker is Professor-- I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak. Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage!

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops.

where the Mets close out a season that will rank among mankind's most awful crimes. Hey! You opened a franchise! Yes. Our biggest seller is Leela's bean pizza-- six kinds of beans, plus several things that look like beans. Beans, huh?

Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe. What a lonely life.

Case dismissed! Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot.

Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight. I mean, not to belabor it, but they were as salty as that bag of trail mix Fry gave me. Exactly as salty. Hey! Wait a second! Uh...

He can be identified by his orange coloration and enormous butterjunk.

Oh. That's a little bright.

Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime. (ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone,

Ow! Suing! Ow! (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING)

Ew! Puke-a-tronic! So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon!

Prepare to die! Wait! If they mean that much to you, why do you want to kill them? Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig.

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you.

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo?

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop!

Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D.

Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me.

Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now. Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up.

And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry?

You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense.

I've never been so thirsty.

Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again.

Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes. (CHEERING) Hello. Hello. So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING)

Guys, it's me, your lovable dictator. Uh-oh.

No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

Let us handle this, weirdie.

It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

Ahh, beer. So many choices-- and it makes So little difference. How about LÖbrau? It has dots on it. Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima.

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no!

My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

Than their literal intention Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell How droll how droll Where Styx is a river and not just a band

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could. You mean he's-- Good as new? Yes. Leela, Zoidberg, the rest of you, this is Flexo. Sweet llamas of the Bahamas! Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender.

So why are these Brain Spawn attacking Earth, Nibbler? The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness. The thoughts of others screech at them like the forced laughs... of a billion art-house movie patrons. Thus they travel from world to world, making everyone stupid... in order to wipe out all thought in the universe.

In fact, all life is extinct.

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

Well, it's not me. Look! I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans.

107! Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about? Your shares are worth $107 apiece. They are? Oh, my God! I'm a millionaire! Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax!

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage.

Hank Aaron XXIV? How could you play so blowfully? The original Hank Aaron was great. No, I was better than great. I was the home run king. Neat!

It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow!

Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species. This injunction suspends all robot foxhunting for 24 hours while our motion is under consideration. We'll see you in court.

Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible.

I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure. Now I'm sure. (BOTH YELLING) (SCREAMING) Whoa!

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean.

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake! Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future.

And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

(TRUMPETS) (BUZZING) So those magic beans are actually genetically engineered? You can't just meddle with life like that. Who do you think you are? God? I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight.

ALL: Oh! Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive. Is that how you and your friends are dressing now? Hello, everyone.

Oh, marmalade! Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

The current! It's too much, already! Help! jeepers!

(DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time. I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters. I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (CHUCKLING) Fortunately, I came prepared with a back-up phrasing.

That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan!

You're sure you want to go back to the Near-Death Star?

I can't go on any further. just leave me to die in that barn over there. Oh, thank God. Trespassers, eh? No, sir. We're amusement park patrons.

I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself. Here I go already. Huh?

This is awesome.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh.

Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live!

You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies. My personality is mathematically derived from my movies, proportionately weighted by box office receipts. Whoo I'm just A love machine

And could you put "top-quality" in bold? You can't? Okay, whatever. Remember, it's up to us.

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. Whoa! I'm not readin' that crap! Summarize it in one word. Sabotage.

One, two, three! Pull!

Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter! Duck! Take your base.

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

Edna, it's me, Zoidberg. Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings.

And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University, the nation's premiere institution of lower learning. So please, give generously, knowing some poor helpless mutant will thank you. Not in person, thank God.

Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow. Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side.

Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust.

Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

The Bender of the 15th century!

Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out.

Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet. According to the script, you're supposed to prance out and tickle him with your fairy wand. Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle.

Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh. Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu.

Oww! The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield, are masters of the textile arts.

"My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell!

Good night, Calculon. What did you say?

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No! Hurry, Bender, get the bra!

What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday! That is what you said when you found those Boy Scouts! Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter!

I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened.

ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers!

Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree? I lost it... in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you?

I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. (WHOOPING) Look out, world, here I... (GROANS) I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task.

You rotten kids!

Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself. Fry, this is Professor Farnsworth. Get out of your house and keep moving. You're on a mission. Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you?

Quick! In there! Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...?

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations. Your Honor, we have reached a verdict.

(ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS) I shall enjoy this. Not me!

Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that!

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!

(CLAMORING) (ALL WHIMPERING) To the ship! Which ship? Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move! (CLAMORING CONTINUES)

Please? You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything. Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it. Bender's in his office. Thanks. I got your hookup, Fry.

Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this?

Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine.

All right, enough of this.

You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me.

we enter a so-called "receptive state." You disgust me. Go on.

Master, do we have to count to three every time? Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Cheers. Cheers.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

(THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this.

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV? Yes, I can.

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop! People of Earth...

Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron. It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right? Shut up, Zoidberg.

What are you looking at, you British bastards? Paul, we talked about this.

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes. They're inside! Get them!

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send. Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send.

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Please, sir, I implore you, destroy that photo of me.

Please, give me a chance to be romantic on my own. I've got a Baggie of massage oil, and I'm gonna give you my super back rub, just like I used to give Amy when I was going out with her, and she always seemed to-- Uh-oh. Sorry you struck out, sausage link.

As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.

Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey!

And remember, don't report them missing till after we max out their credit cards.

He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life? My old life wasn't as glamorous as my Web page made it look. All I ever wanted was to grow up here with you. Please?

Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

- Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome! Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes. How may I direct your call? What's that? You haven't gotten your paper? In how long?

Gather 'round, chumps.

This experiment will determine what food, if any, the alien eats. A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me.

To one who lives there She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

(SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us,

Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool!

We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

He messed up my hair. I'm missing a leg! We fought like hell, sir, but in the end, we caved like a house of souffle cards. Got it. Peace with honor. Well, I resign again. Come, Nixon.

That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office. Let's try him out. Robot 1-X, can you clean Nibbler's stanky litter box?

Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead. That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us. join us, Bender.

Excellent, excellent.

No! Stop! I say. What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean.

You sure caused some trouble in that bubble! Rest assured, if it rhymes, I can cause trouble in it. Hey, now that you're in the future you can go live in an actual bio-dome. An unattractive prospect.

If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did.

You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another. True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient.

(ALL SCREAMING) Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing. Help is on the way!

Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency.

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia! Calculon! But I thought you were--

(MONITOR BEEPING)

Hey, Dean. Nice looking model. You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I always come in stinky.

I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry. I'm sure the professor can clone you a new nose. Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh.

He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string. That was a disgusting story. And it's all thanks to Bender. I love you, Bender. I love you, too.

Wait! Surely there's a better-- The conference is over. I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter. Peace out, y'all! Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender.

We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending. That's right! The ending must not be ruined!

Oh, yeah! Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies!

You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die! I know, right? I'd murder him good, if only I was still alive. Hmm...

100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus.

(POLICE SIRENS WAILING) The cops are closing in. Better ditch the loot somewhere.

Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now!

Mr. Vogel, I thought we was going skating? No. We're not important enough. Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut. Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us. What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working.

Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said...

Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you.

My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance.

Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over.

- Yes, my liege. - No, we're not!

Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys. That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh!

Hello? Who is this? Hello? Hello? What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone again? Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet.

Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool. Ow! Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night.

And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side. No. Listen. It's very important... that you never, ever tell anyone under any circumstance. - What if I've had a few? - Dad, you drink? - No, not even then. - All right. My sucker is sealed.

Hey, kid. Catch.

Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years. It keeps the heads alive, but we don't know how. Why did it give us those hallucinations?

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it.

But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard!

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head.

And if my answer's no? Then just don't show up. I'll get the message. (COUGHS) Big night, eh, Mr. Fry?

so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now. Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth.

What are those worms doing to Fry's brain? They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power. My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher. Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can evoke our deepest emotions. For you.

Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me.

the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender. Versus, Billionaire-bot!

And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent!

not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale.

No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck!

Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,

Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove. This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table.

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans.

One more hit, and we're done for!

You can't own property, man.

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

The most beautiful love song ever written. ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking!

You're boring, Zoidberg.

Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

Give me back my floppy face! Oh! Ooh! Ohh! - Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature.

Yah! Oh, that feels good. Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender.

Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth!

'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole.

Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter. Thank you all for coming. I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here. Now, without further ado, a film highlighting Planet Express, Inc.'s...

"Build-a-Bot Workshop." It's time to start living again. At least it's something to distract me from Leela.

Let me at it. I'm gonna pound it with this chewed-up old stick. No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot. What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Then the meaning of existence-- So every religion is wrong!

If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it. It's too low! Quick!

What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English.

Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question.

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart. You go fight biggest brain of all. Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where is it? I don't know.

Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle

I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms. Of course! It was so obvious.

But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender.

where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?

(EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her. LEELA: Never mind the ship. What about us? (MUTTERS) Fry did it! We've had it with this flying slaughterhouse. We're having it towed away for scrap,

Oh, my God! What in Babylon?

(SIGHING) Funny plague, hyper-malaria. It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel!

The jackass wants to see you in his quarters. Good. This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it.

Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

Well, buddy, how do you like your new home? See, he's happy already. That thing doesn't have emotions, Fry. Its brain is the size of a walnut. So are walnuts, and they're delicious.

Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would.

Man, that dog's gonna be hard to beat. Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

No! No! What have I will have done? Man, that's heavy. Osmium heavy. (SURPRISED CRY) Are you going to turn me in for concealing evidence? Say what? You're my partner, home Fry. Besides, I got my own secrets.

You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time. Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts,

In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus. With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre...

Halt! Identify this guest.

No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book. I've been giving these out for 647 years.

So... how's business? Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore?

Please use the beeps.

Look, if you could act like that, without all the pausing and pretentiousness, you could be great. No, Leela. In the world of theater there are no second acts. You're not leaving. We're gonna get you your job back.

Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw. I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep.

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

I guess I can't. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not.

Kill-check one is go. (ALL GASPING)

Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you.

We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news? They paid in advance.

He won't trouble you anymore. Would monsieur care to see the wine list? No poison for us, thanks. I'll stick with good old mineral oil. Ah. Functional. Mm. That's mine here.

Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Listen, I've got a new job, and, well, I'm going to have to dump you. I'd like that!

I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment.

Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger.

I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel.

Where did Qbert come from? 12 years ago, I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back. Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long,

You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training.

Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way.

I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything. My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam!

Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off. (GASPS) You're a human? Only physically.

Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all! Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot.

(STRAINING) I still can't do it. Well, what do you know? I guess you really don't want to shoot me after all. Oop! The safety was on. (SCREAMING)

Behold once more the mighty Clone-O-Mat, requiring such vast amounts of electricity... that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself! I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core!

Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet. I watched the skies for weeks,

Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out.

10.77-- same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh.

You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay. But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops.

Too hard! Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu.

What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm?

So I'm really back? Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register. I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming."

Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough. Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking.

That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies!

Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week. Sorry. I was distracted by those protesters outside our building.

Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know.

I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Oh! Six to three? I beat the spread! The court orders an immediate public apology. Apology accepted. just don't let it happen again. She means you, you turkey of the sea! Me, apologize? Never!

Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry?

You home from school, you traitor? I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door.

Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

Hey. Ooh. Wow. Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory.

This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling. Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening?

(DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone.

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

Oh! You mean "snu-snu."

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners.

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

Due to budget cutbacks, we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen. (SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, boo-hoo.

Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered! I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad.

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell?

where there will be no escape... from the fun. All robots must attend! Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party-- one of the most social events imaginable? It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots.

Fool! A quip about putting me behind bars... would've been far more delicious. Here. Catch. No, Fry! You can't fall fast enough! I got it! I got it! I don't got it!

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans! Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks.

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama!

Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash.

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! I hope this is the control stick.

All my life, everyone's called me nothing.

Oh, no problem.

Okay, now you go hide. Nice knowing you. Ahh! Come on, Zoidberg. I passed it right to you.

Death to humans!

There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it.

I'm the luckiest man-bot alive. My mom may have abandoned me, but I have the greatest dad in the whole universe. He's patient, he's not afraid to show his emotions... Don't look at me! ...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him.

That's coming out of your pay.

Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen. I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes.

(SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet?

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together.

Look, we've all been in a sea monster's stomach. But did you get any pictures of the Calculon? Yeah, but a true photo buff wouldn't even use these for toilet paper. Not if curtains were available. You're too hard on yourself, robot. These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid.

No! Mommy, why are you making civilization collapse? Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day just puts me in a bad mood.

(SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING)

(ALL CHEERING) LEELA: He did it! He did it! Yes! Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records, even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks. Now, get up to that podium and change the world.

What's so funny?

So, we meet again. Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl.

What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot? Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. Yeah, fatal, schmatal. If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body.

Shh! What was that sound? It wasn't a bird's nest falling. That sounds like this. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot,

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless. And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy...

But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait.

That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

Please put your hands together for my next guest,

Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it. I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab. But will the aliens understand?

No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope. In fact, all life is extinct.

Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being!

Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

Oh, I'm doomed! Everybody leave me alone. I don't wanna be seen this way. Aw, you look so sad. You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in?

Everybody but me is dying of old age! Okay. The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short, our Sith Overlords! Yeah! Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity.

The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant, evil brain...

Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable.

Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope.

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here!

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now?

I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it. Or I would, if I hadn't lost my teeth and nails... on Mars and Saturn, respectively. Wait. You're a lawyer? You're hired!

I love it even more than I love my seven wives. That's right. I'm a polygamist.

I'll just be a minute.

You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you!

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career.

It stated that my ancestors would hold the land for 100 years, after which it was supposed to revert to the Martians. This casino belongs to your people! (ALL CHEER) But, Amy, you planned this whole thing to get the casino back!

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view.

Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief.

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know?

Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone? It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why?

One. Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world.

I'm as spry as a 140-year-old.

(SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine.

(LAUGHS EVILLY) Oh, no, you probably don't! (GRUNTS)

Long live Pharaoh Bender!

Well, it has been a while. Is it okay with you, Fry? Sure, that'd be great. I'll just sit here and feed the mosquitoes. (MOSQUITOES WHINING)

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care? Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here--

Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

Notify his survivors.

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time.

Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

(BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it! Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS) We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you. Oh, isn't she adorable? What a class act. Sold! To the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction.

Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him.

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here?

But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death.

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror.

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low

Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos. Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles.

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

Fry, are you there? Huh?

That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety.

Eee! Money doesn't make good people. No, sirree.

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick!

For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony.

(GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now? (LAUGHS) (SOBBING)

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well...

Is it okay? I can't hear anything. It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces. Hey. What's going on? This is a delivery company, not a delivery room.

NARRATOR: And now, The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan, brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax. I wax my rocket every day!

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry! Merry college registration day, everyone! (SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, what's the point?

What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway?

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh! You're the best, babe. Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that?

MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure.

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk. Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here.

I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

And though the world is now spinning in the wrong direction, it's good enough. Well done, Amy. I'm honored to begrudgingly present you with your Ph.D. in applied physics. Also, some kind of sportsmanship award I had in my glove compartment.

Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door! Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest!

Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York.

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do.

I didn't find him here ten minutes ago so I thought it was time to check again. Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second?

Let's blow this tomb. Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living. How we doin'?

For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing.

keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs.

After Star Trek, he became an actor.

It'll all be over soon, my love. May I have (SNIFFLES) one last kiss? Oh, there'll be lots more. Yes. Lots. (SOBBING) Nurse Amy, the anesthesia.

I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither. I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus.

No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

(LAUGHING) Whoa! Looks like you guys had fun. Did we ever! Gram-gram fell down at the ice cream store and we got free ice cream! Now let's all go take a nap! (WHOOPING)

Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

Wow, the interesting thing about that is... (SNORING) So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid.

So, how did you wind up getting frozen?

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Everybody's doing it! No! I refuse to release anything unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love! (BOTH COUGHING) Tell my offspring I loved me very much...

Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that. So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me?

Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel. The weasel! Ha-ha! Hey, listen, Skippy. I was supposed to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the thousandth anniversary screening of jury Duty 2.

(GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger! Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems!

Yeah. Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to.

Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line.

He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor?

Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope. There, now, for the first time, we may be able to see the infinitesimal fabric of matter itself,

I don't even have a job. Oh, right. I was supposed to assign you a job. Let me just get your career chip installed. Hold out your palm. What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced.

I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender.

The feast is served! Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like. Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea.

As an active mom, I care about these things. I'll check the box while you start eating. Now my sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs have loquat-flavored orangeberries. Two colors? Wow.

Truly, his is the most famous face in Hollywood. Even if no one's ever photographed it, nor ever will. Once again, television has given me a reason to live. A photo of Langdon Cobb without his bag? Impossible.

Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will Don't forget to say, yeah, yeah, yeah

I need your help to save Hubert. Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it. (EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud. John Zoidberg. It's been a long time. How have you been? Not too bad. Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon.

Oh! I don't get it. Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender.

We can definitely escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam. You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things.

Activating ice drill! Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice!

A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo! have dignity and a spark of the divine. That's the gentle, sensitive, poet warlord I fell in love with.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me. Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong.

who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might. Yeah, you'd better run.

So... how's business?

- Hey, what are you doing? - This.

BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream, the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean. I do look forward to cavorting in the spray. The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together.

Stand back and watch the master. This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage.

But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

Truly, they were as gods who built this place. Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle.

Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place. That stupid clover is a worthless piece of garbage! Give it, give it, give it! Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover.

Aah! This is not happening.

Four stinking years of clamping school for this? (GROWLING IN FRUSTRATION) Greetings, Francis. Sorry if I was a little hostile before, but snipping is the only reason I'm even tolerated around here. Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers!

Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier.

Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Uh... I'm ready to go back now. We're going to die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela!

No dice. Justice don't work that way. Wait. Wait.

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square!

That's the closest thing to "Bender is great" that anyone besides me has ever said.

Nah. You know I'm with Benny. Girl, he don't own you! Yeah, but he saved me from my abusive father. Not physically abusive. Verbally. It's a long story I can't get into while we're spinning out.

But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food. Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out. They're not filthy. They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor. There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean?

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours.

have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer? Please? Don't you sweet-talk me, ya wrinkly old tube sock! May I have one too, wife? Ah, you're both pathetic-- being jealous of your own offspring. Now, you should be happy that they became successes...

Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship?

Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog...

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine.

Can I offer you maybe a nice macaroon cut in seven pieces? Such a stereotype. Yes, I'm looking for something in a space uniform that's respectfully humiliating but can come out of an employee's salary without his noticing. You got it. Tomorrow's clothes at yesterday's prices.

Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job!

Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Yes! I could put my mind into a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

Women only room!

Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh--

But, Hermes, old friend, didn't you say you were through with the implants? Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. Such a mild insult. That's not my Hermes. Speaking of, what happened to your cut-off body parts, anyhow? Right here. I was going to donate them to the Salvation Air Force,

Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm.

Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse.

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested.

I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here?

Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?

(GRUNTING) I'll stay here and be in charge of not dying. Razzma flazzma plasma. We must be close.

This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so. No dog food for Victor tonight. Okay.

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan. Submerge the prisoners! Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards.

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water?

Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING)

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it.

we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

Sure, baby, I know it.

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad.

We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's. You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature.

Move out, Fry. We need our most disgusting mutant leading the charge. I'll meet you up there. I need to check out something first. Okay. Vyolet, you're up front. Hey! MRS. ASTOR: Mayor, this sewer debacle has gone on long enough.

I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body.

Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too. Hey!

Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted.

He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky. It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies," "the wet willies," "the screaming moist..." We'll form a search party.

Hooray! And don't eat it. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute!

No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up.

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender. Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four.

Shh! Shut your gills!

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

I have something amazing to show you. What is it, a competent employee? I doubt that very much.

Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new. I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined.

But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z?

Ow! Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

I had a great time today-- the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not.

Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's a lesson. I believe this belongs to you. I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body.

insanity... uh, integrity. Congratulations, Your Highness. I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting.

Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba.

in that ditch where I left you, this is for you. Time up-ooh! The Iron Cook Neptunian has gone all out to please the judges.

Well, let's put it to a vote, then. All in favor of the Jamocha Thunderclap? That would be me. (WOMEN AGREEING) Practically no one. All in favor of me? (MEN CHEERING) Eight to eight. It's a tie.

Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy.

I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

One of you guys do something!

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time.

Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music! (SNORING) Scare Fry to death? Ha! I could do that in my sleep.

...concerning our pest problem.

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please.

My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins.

Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother. My Manwich!

(ALL CHEERING) (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Hooray! Free sky sticks! (EXCLAIMING) Police brutality! (HOCKING)

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new.

Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again?

Seriously? Why? So I can kill my human brain cells. Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno. And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime.

BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor.

Bite my shiny metal ass.

Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper!

I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground. Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you?

Besides, Buzz Aldrin ran over my guinea pig in the parking lot.

I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side. Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do?

(HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again. Darned kids.

Mr. President. I found the TV remote. Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart. But I wasn't injured. Ow! (SCREAMS) Well, enough governing. It's Saturday morning, damn it. Let's watch some cartoons.

I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

There's no backup copy of me? That's what I just said, you mortal coil. So, if I die... You die. Or as you put it... (RASPS) Excuse me for a moment.

What are you selling? Popplers? Never heard of 'em. Eat it or beat it. Mmm, mmm. These are great. Boys, this is your lucky day. I'm joe Gillman. Wow. You're some guy who eats at Fishy joe's?

(MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy. In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies.

How the hell do you do that?

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying. Woo-hoo! More partying! (BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES)

I was, but you can't sit on something for a week without falling in love with it. Whoever's in here deserves a chance at life. A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man, like I did as a baby.

Oh, I get it-- make the robot do all the work.

They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord.

Any of you guys got a spaceship?

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

We'll have to bring her around again.

Oh. Don't worry, Professor.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch? So he just showed up unannounced, raided the liquor cabinet,

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive. Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them.

That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

As mayor of New New York it's my pleasure to introduce the honorary captain for the Titanic's maiden voyage. A man who single-handedly defeated the Retiree people of the Assisted-Living Nebula-- Zapp Brannigan!

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face? Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard.

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Fire! "My, what a handsome energy creature you are.

You will all be boiled alive, like retired circus animals,

I'm sick of being critiqued by nitpicking nerds.

I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground. Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea!

Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel!

Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't. I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating So is forging phony I.O.U.s

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them.

Now look, you and me are through. I told you that when I divorced you. But goin' through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer.

What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!

This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public. No! Get away from there.

But why did you attack me? So I could impress you by seeking revenge on the creature. Us greeters don't get a lot of action. On paper it seemed like a win-win situation. Do you realize what this means, Fry? Your pet's not dangerous after all. I told you. Mr. Peppy's a lover, not a fighter,

That's it! Happy birthday!

Welcome to Bumbase Alpha, the biggest hobo jungle in the quadrant. Eh. I've seen bigger. Oh, wait. I'm thinking of Eugene, Oregon.

you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg.

Never mind. Here, take this. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Roller Derby is not a society.

It shan't take long to strip down your clunker.

Why are you committing these atrocities against nature? Nature's out of its league. There are 40 billion hungry people on this planet, many of whom will pay top dollar for one of my pine-u-porks. (OINKING) MOM: Find yourself a porcupine, blast some pig DNA into it,

Good news, everyone! Ugh! When the mine caved in,

And the winner is... Bender!

My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the... Uh, what do you call it? Lower back. Yeah, that whole region.

Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious. Except, what good is a candelabra without-- Wait! I know!

Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot. (SOBBING) Don't be scared, Bender.

(SIGHS) God, it's Zoidberg. I hate to bother you, but... Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

- Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Well, you can't expect me to write it here with everyone talking so loudly about how great I am. Sorry. I'm taking the ship to my quiet place so I can be alone. You non-creatives can catch a bus home. Non-creative? Ha! I'll have you know I Bedazzle my own underpants.

Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here? The tide is coming in.

Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie"

Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen?

Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara? Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages.

(LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%. (DOOR OPENING) (HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up. Put her there.

As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I'm through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split-second robotic timing. That's where I come in. You see, I own a watch.

An implosion might just form a black hole... that would stop more chronitons from escaping.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah. I'm talking about Robanukah, the holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar.

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode!

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas?

And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish.

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be!

Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Wow. This is beautiful. What's with all the crap? It's not crap. Dr. Mobutu collected this crap while he was exploring the whatchacallit... universe. Well, this place has everything except the only thing I care about-- a TV. It's got a TV, you young whatchacallit... idiot.

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it!

but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium.

No. No! Oh! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE)

Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money.

(GROANING) (GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant.

Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Fry, help, let me in.

Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad!

So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets. Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend.

(SCREAMS) (SCATTING)

I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please.

Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do?

We'll go wait in the ship. Okay.

The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos.

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure. Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn't you, sir? She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right. No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand.

Did you even see that mountain of skulls?

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's...

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return. Wow. A whole planet of old people.

But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow.

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

reproduction. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

I can't. I'm a vampire.

Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela.

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender.

Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home. You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid.

not even that really filthy one.

I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand.

Who needs a big, breakable piece of glass when we can just monitor everything on the padded dashboard display? At least there's a cup holder. That's an arm holder. (MUTTERS) Hey! Well, let's break this ship in. This package is going to Glorionimous 3,

All the coolest robots are in this fraternity. Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers.

What brings you two here today? We came to honor Calculon's memory. Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

Look, 'tis but worthless tin. Where could Farnsworth have minted such a high quality fake? Not here. But you know, I have a friend in Boston who's an expert silversmith. They could be connected. There's only, like, 40 people who do anything around here.

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha! (TRAIN CHUGGING) (SCREAMING)

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos!

Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present, fresh from another down-home authentic prison term, the universe's greatest folk singer, Silicon Red! (APPLAUSE) Thank you. (STRUMS GUITAR) Silicon Red, everyone.

The long search is over.

Look, we're not as rich as everybody says. Uh-huh. What sorority do you belong to? Kappa Kappa Wong.

This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might. Yeah, you'd better run.

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh--

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger!

Welcome to Mars! It is with heavy heart and open arms that we receive Earth's only survivors.

The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000. Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction.

In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack! Good! That's real good.

Ugh. Yes, Malachi, what is it this time? My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?

This is gonna be great.

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right. Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead.

you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever

Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair. Huh? It wasn't me. Must be some of that urine you're all so proud of.

This is hard. Now I know why butterflies are always so grouchy.

Something's come up.

(ALL GASP) Calculon, who is that escorting you? Yes, who? My personal trainer, and he's trained me to say that my wounds were self-inflicted, for, you see, I am a big, Hollywood idiot, dumb guy what does that sort of thing. Perfect. (MURMURING)

Maybe I should take this off. (GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot!

(SOBBING) Lando, don't forget about me and Junior. I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself. Ten, nine and so on... Three,

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried. Was it out in front of Discount Shoe Outlet?

My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

I've delivered a lot of good news in the past. But what I'm about to lay down is by far the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express! (ALL MURMURING) What is it? I'm on the edge of my butt. Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on our amazing new soda machine!

And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING) And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself!

I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened.

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death. Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it.

Calculon, you'd be fulfilling this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy. Of course I would.

If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way, score some fancy cologne at the newsstand, I'll be exactly on time. You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine!

Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth 'cause your taste buds are going on vacation. I made you each your own special meal so dig in!

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom...

Welcome, Lieutenant Bender. You're looking sharp. I got wheels with clickety clackers. Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one.

Tate, what do you know about this? Not much yet, but I am senior lecturer in physics at Globetrotter "U" and I'd like to help investigate. You're that Bubblegum Tate? Well, I sure ain't his grandma. Now, look here, Prof. I think we got ourselves an excess of chronitons in the subatomic interstices.

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that.

It can't screw things up any worse than we did trying to fix things. - Right? - I don't know. Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence, those stupid birds will do just fine.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody? I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business, customer records are strictly confidential. Right this way.

in case of extinction. And I brought a few seeds of my own. (BARKING) Halt! What's your business pokey-poking about the seed vault? Guardian of mankind's precious botanical heritage there? We just want to come in and rummage about a bit.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart. You're ugly! (LAUGHING)

Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these.

Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

Here. - These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility. That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley, and we can go have some fun. Daddy Bender? Son?

Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

Okay, Murdolator's finished. I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt, which is why we're each going to add one drop of cyanide to the death wheel as it goes by.

Professor, we've talked it over, and everybody thinks you're too old. We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no! Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment. It's this season's shark-cartilage enema!

And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it.

My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork.

(VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

Thanks, everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game. Yeah, the game of old maid. (LAUGHS) Excuse me, sir, are those yours? You're damn right, and before you ask, this is mine, too. (BARKING) Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced?

Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella! Galloping gators!

I can't figure out why she's so nice to you, Fry. She's a hateful monster, this Morgan. She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her.

Life, death-- Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle. Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty.

It turned out I'm not an alien orphan. I'm a mutant with wonderful parents. Yeah, we've been through a lot, me and my sax. May I noodle? Please. It's been a long time.

To my loyal butler "You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead.

Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

Wow. There's a million aliens. I've never seen anything so mind-blowing. Ooh! A reception table with muffins!

- Father! The ledge! - Oy! Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No!

(PASSENGERS CLAMORING) Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash. (EVERYONE SCREAMING) Perhaps we should reconsider the girlie calendar.

I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days.

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy!

In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not. Quite.

I passed it right to you. I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle. Okay, everyone, come and get it!

(EXHALES) (ROARS) (SCREAMING) (YELLS)

No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do.

Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it! What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something? No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable! But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that.

Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy

Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh! I do go. He's a very important man. So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it.

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there. Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless.

(RUMBLING) (GRUNTING) The Earth is coming to a stop! Keep your eyes on the kitties and push! (PURRING)

Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up. How about Camptown Races? MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago? Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

Pharaoh Hamenthotep approaches!

Fry, come on! The talent show. What? I'm in the middle of something. But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act? Bender, enough! Leave me alone! So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend. But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch!

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING)

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.

The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money.

do you even have a medical degree?

Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot.

Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience. Do you take credit cards? Let's find out. All right, environment. You've met your match.

My fish got away.

A toast to Leela. She showed us it's wrong to eat certain things. Hear, hear! Let's get drunk! Aw, thanks, guys. Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig.

Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp.

how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

they may well demand that I refund their admission fees. (BOTH SOBBING) Where are we? In the belly of the beast. Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale, Pinocchio. This is all Obsessy Bessy's fault. Right on, sister.

Ahhh! Help. Police. Neat.

Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow! I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

May death come quickly to his enemies. Who's kicking who around now?

Everyone out of my body, or the brain gets it! He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself.

Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present.

Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler!

Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley? 'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you.

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew.

Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future.

Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat. My God! He's gonna do it!

I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

(CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I understand. One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone. You're impossible.

All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV!

And so I'm giving up control of the company... to a man of enormous experience, Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake!

Monsanto presents... the Goophy Gopher Revue. Why does a Moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little "meteor." This is weak.

(IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow. Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized.

Welcome to the world of business. Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who!

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop!

If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

Look, I don't know if you want my opinion-- Leela, Bender and I really need to be alone. So, I'm turning off the oxygen. Now, look, missy, if you don't turn around right now, I'm gonna have to shut down your brain.

Ah! More meat than a cow!

Ach! I could have fired a V-8!

Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS) (TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things!

Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely!

What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

We live to suck another day!

that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now? So they sent a helpless child to kill me.

Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap. I croaked. Now show me some love. Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next!

It was all my fault! He died because of me!

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies.

Keep up with your studies, huh?

The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think.

Then it's settled. The new chief executive officer... of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

This is gonna be great. Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah.

Wernstrom! Well, well, well. Come to present your latest napkin, Professor? No, I'm here because a giant trash ball is heading straight for us. Smell for yourself.

Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

I don't know, but we can't wait any longer. Good-bye, Bender. Wait for us!

Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela... don't leave me.

A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt. If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam!

Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots!

Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake. And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it. So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

will strum your brains out at Bend-Aid, Bend-Aid! Featuring Beck, Wailing Fungus... and special guest Bender! A portion of the proceeds might go to help broken robots.

So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package. Whoa!

Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk. Ow!

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa!

It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get? Well, that depends on what one of those things is. That seems like a fact worth knowing.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside.

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company.

Well, now I've heard everything. On my iPod. So, do you have a new plan, Professor? And is there any hope left?

Are you okay, Bender?

Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me.

LEELA: Nice. It's coated with antichroniton-resistant grout to shield you from the effects of the button. Come on. Get in. Hurry up. Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man.

Nice job smacking Kif. Dude had it coming. Wait.

I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow.

This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like.

Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

Hey, kid. Catch. Wha-- Ohh! Well, at least you're still the worst football player of all time. Yeah, yeah.

Ooh! Malachi, jr.! No! Daddy? I can't hold much longer. My arms are tired from hugging.

Fry, I'm writing here. Do you have to play that?

Aha! Found you. Okay, now you go hide.

And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure.

(WEEPING) It's like I'm cursed! Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid, too? (WAILING) Aw, sweetie, tentacles are beautiful. I mean, look at your mother here. She's so gorgeous, you hardly even notice the tentacles.

(EXPLOSION) (BOTH SCREAMING) Mine collapse! Mine collapse! (ALARM BLARING) So? Mine collapse, too.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap.

Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

Zoidberg, get out of there!

Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace.

Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much.

Calculon, as your hot water heater, I would be remiss... if I didn't bring you scripts that could make you an international film star.

You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers?

Amy, you won't believe what happened. It was so scary that you wouldn't--

We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch. Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes.

Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

(ALL CHEERING) One hundred! That's almost 10 per year. This calls for a party, baby. I'm ordering 100 kegs, 100 hookers and 100 Elvis impersonators who aren't above a little hooking, should the occasion arise.

It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Word up. That's why I'm even in this dream. (BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more?

Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama?

Stink pig! Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth.

Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No.

What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that!

Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination! This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human,

Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee!

Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this?

It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness. Hang on! I need to do some calculations! The decimal goes... carry the seven... got it!

Nobody knows! I just told you! Goodbye! It was fun maturing with you, but at this point in my life cycle, I need a mate who's within squirting distance. I'll never forget you, fish. Come on, loxy lady, it's time for us to get naughty by nature!

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans? We sure are cheerful this morning. Yeah, this past week with Fry's been a blast.

Not when I'm in charge. You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff?

Wait a second. Oxygen levels are rising too rapidly. 10%, 20%, 60%. As long as it doesn't hit 70. 80%.

I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father. All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda. Aw, yeah. I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator.

Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know. Okay, Mr.-- Smith. Zapp Smith. Brannigan. just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner. Let's see.

Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh... This is no record. Give me back that check. I'm giving it to some giant orphans. Ow! Bender, you're hurting me! Ow!

So beautiful yet so Neutral. Drag them to the ship.

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device. Hmm, sporty.

So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock.

(BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no!

Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for. You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access.

Wow. We're great kissers.

Well, I am still in my wedding dress. And we still have a cake. Uh... Half a cake. (BELCHES) Very well. Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

(GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING)

Show them my medal, Kif. He rented it with his tax refund. So, Leela, will you have the pleasure? What little there is to be had. Tomorrow night at 8:00 then. Smooches. Mwah!

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong!

Oh, lordy Lou! Help! I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on.

Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great?

Professor Katz's last name is Katz. Do you think he has something to do with these cats? The conclusion is as inescapable as it is moronic. I say we pay him a visit, and if he won't talk to us, he'll talk to Smith & Wesson (COCKS GUN) or, perhaps, Consolidated Head Melter.

She'll never know we're her parents. That's our gift to her. Better we should die than have her learn the shameful truth of her origin.

Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling.

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh. How could you do this, Fry? (STAMMERS) Coma... Sad...

If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well

Honk, honk, honk!

What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents. If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents. Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN)

Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon. And which one rocked your world?

Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest... while I was still killing them.

Fry, swallow your food, then talk. A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid? No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top. And she had a beautiful, scaly tail and I think she had hair extensions.

I always thought the most important thing in life was to win an Oscar, but tonight I realize what's really important is to win two Oscars! Ha! Ha! I'm kidding. I'm kidding. What really matters in life is that people care about you, whether it's a whole crowd,

DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry.

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait.

Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come. One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

What do you got? Disposal trouble? No! Everything's just-- Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender.

They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not? Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please...

Fry laughed and he said, "You deserted me once "Now it's your turn to feel the chill Lord, Lord "Now it's your turn to feel the chill" You've accurately portrayed the nature of my grievance.

I ask you, is that so crazy? Yes, it's completely crazy, and that is why you must find him not guilty by reason of insanity! (ALL GASP) Objection! I'm not crazy. I created you all, and I came here in a homemade spaceship and lived in a cave.

Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie. YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need.

(GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go.

Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency.

There. We can make these into spears. And we can tie these caterpillars together to make bow strings for bows and arrows. And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh! Killed? In an atomic blast? No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact...

Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you.

Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

Leela back yet? Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot?

It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'" The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend.

to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind. Well, anyway, just remember that people care about you. I know.

But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all.

Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry.

What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age. I got plans. I'm gonna turn my on/off switch to off.

This one called me "Mama." Congratulations. I assume Amy is the father. Popplers can't talk. Leela must be hallucinating from not eating enough Popplers. Here, eat some now. No! I said eat! Come on! Mangia! Sorry, babies.

in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

Don't look at me. I'm a freak.

(CAGE CLANGS SHUT) Here's my new theory: That is one adorable cat.

Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile. Whatever. Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre.

You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

(LAUGHS) It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute. Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot.

Not you. Him. Me? What a surprise! Look! I barely exploded at all. We can control that with medication. Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate?

- Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No! You sure about these-a chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee. It's okay, Mama. Anyone-a complains, I bend legs up for free.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

- Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y? Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans.

If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now.

No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes. But it's only recently that I've been able to articulate my thoughts. I love you, Leela, and I always have. Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait.

Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah! Whee!

Fetch. Now sit. I said, "Sit." Bad fish!

But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes. There you go, Leela. Good as new!

Yeah. Get lost!

And so dies our hope of solving this mystery. Come on, gang. Let's go home. Wait! Let's not give up so easily. Animatronio mentioned a fountain. That's a statue of Neptune, god of water. The number of points on his trident is three, or trey.

You did ruin her life.

Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans.

Help. Police. Neat.

It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah.

As a pitcher, I serve up plenty of beanballs, so I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest. Cut!

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down.

I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks!

Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade. Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

(SIGHS) We've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony. You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us.

SUSAN: Hold your nose and give it a go.

Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good.

Work faster-- like this! You call that motivating me? Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh?

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING)

Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot. Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle.

Shaken, not stirred.

I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like.

That guy won't be going home to his kids. Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent.

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was...

I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

You, maybe. Hear me! Hear me! Stop eating Popplers! Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce! Stop eating them with tangy sweet- and-sour sauce. Stop eating the new Fiesta Poppler Salad.

To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue.

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth.

So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God!

The royal bottle is empty! You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me. You drank our emperor! You assassinated him! I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing.

Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077.

So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo.

Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want.

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass.

I don't know. I don't know. just say anything--

I'll thinks it overs while I engages this $5 hooker. Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore.

Pfft. Pathetic.

Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo. Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man? Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados.

Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip.

(GASPS) (GROWLS) What is it, little buddy? Is it a layer cake? Or maybe World Series tickets? A trip wire. But who's tripping who?

I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together. It's not too late. You can still win the election. No, I can't. The Earthers are right. I have no Earth certificate. But you will have one in just a few hours. And everyone will know it's real,

Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela.

and nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the beSt around and nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the best around nothing's goNna ever keep you down Down

Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

Oh! We're all going to die!

I'm a doctor! I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal.

What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

It's where I keep my warning signs, all right? Stop asking questions! Fine. Can I go now? The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow!

You and I are enemies now. Hear my words.

What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy.

You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity.

Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash?

Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot.

- I'm a human! - Also good.

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Look at him up there. Ahh! Aha! Found you.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

"And the other wing measured five cubits from the tip..." (GASPS) Oh, no! Our son Johnny fell down the gravity well!

I'm Albert. Kind of fatty. Then how 'bout this little number? Purebred human. - No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh-- If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love."

Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us,

Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around. Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer!

We use a lot more profanity. Son of a... (BLEEP) Leela, take my hand! I'm slipping! The one time your hands aren't sticky, they're greasy! Oh, sorry. Normally I would've wiped them on my pants, but... (SCREAMS) (THUD)

Back, you beasts! Follow me. The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose.

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Team assembled!

What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name! Yes, but Robonia sounds like something somebody made up on the spot.

Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"?

I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages.

In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale.

Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards.

With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time. It's like being a voice actor. Say, you nose-breathers want to come see some real moon culture, come on down to the Butterfly Derby tonight. Wait, the Butterfly Derby is when? And what?

Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with.

Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor! (EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!

I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

Yo, boss, not everything. (EXHALES DEEPLY) (CELLPHONE RINGING) Hello? Dad? (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh. Look, Leela, there's Old Filthful. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Urgh!

And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

Gotcha! Dig it.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender. What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast,

He speaks out of love for his friend. Perhaps that love in his heart... is God. Oh, how convenient. A theory about God... that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work!

They're on to me! Hey, come on. Let's act like grown-ups here. Wanna race?

What's that? Is someone bending girders? Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it.

It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him! The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks.

Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge.

Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! We've come a long way, baby.

(BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you? I don't remember. Me neither. Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn.

It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah.

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage.

Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

Places, everyone! Okay. All set. Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty!

Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news.

Oh...! Oh, Lord. You know, you ought to be a bureaucrat or something. Man, how long is this going to take?

Oh! "Anyhoo," your net suits will let you experience... Fry's worm-infested bowels...

Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby! Do the back dance, do the back dance. (GROANING)

Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Hey, there's my little space heater.

You sold my body?! To who?! I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Oh, no, you don't! I may not know much about horses, but I know a lot about doing anything for one dollar.

Bender, I found your trigger finger. Now I can. But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP)

Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot. Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me? We both know there's something there. No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face. Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle... keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology. Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

I'm going to have to do something really impulsive. So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend. Don't tell my son what he can and can't do! You may know what's in his head, but you don't know what's in his heart! There's no slot in there, either. I said shut up!

Ah, now for a dash of salt.

Dude, where's my ship? I parked it over there. Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine. Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo! Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality. What's that? A tattoo removal laser?

Bender, old friend, what's on your face? Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard. Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? Uh, maybe. So what? Well, I only brought it up 'cause Bender's wearing them. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh...

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore.

Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me!

Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real?

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together. You're breaking up with me? I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun. If that's how you feel-- I'm sorry, but it is. Well, whatever.

No! Hurry. The escape pods should be just ahead. Faster.

Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send.

No one insults my mama!

Welcome, museum members, or as I like to call you, future exhibits. (ROBOT COUGHS) I now present my latest discovery, the amazing non-mechanical man, Homo Farnsworth. Thank you.

Why didn't I think of that?

Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING)

he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.

Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel. I had no idea the company would be sold! I was just an innocent suck-up! You've got to believe me! just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers.

Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor.

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

- Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure.

Courtesans and gentle fops, I bid you welcome to my opera.

Brother-sucking parasites gone and disrupted our hive mind. Now, instead of working in harmony, my bees just talk smack to each other. Are you all black with yellow stripes or are you yellow with black stripes? Yellow with black stripes, man. Why don't you just move along?

I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH) He's a terrible father. Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him.

Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch.

The British are coming! The British are coming!

Oh-hoo, what's this?

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby.

I had a perfectly normal adolescence in New New York. But my parents were simple hedge fund managers who couldn't appreciate my interest in science. Mom, Dad, look what I made! (YAWNING) That's wonderful, dear. Here you go, Squeakers.

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

- Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great"

Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants! Mutants! They're real.

My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk. Leela was so distraught,

(GRUNTS) Stop the wedding! (ALL GASP) Who is that? Morris? I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you? Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried. I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace.

Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts.

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo!

He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great-

where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

Ha! Ha! I'm kidding. I'm kidding. What really matters in life is that people care about you, whether it's a whole crowd, or just one diehard fan. Aww.

Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything. Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee!

We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa! Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

Hi. I'm Bender. This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy?

NARRATOR: You're taking a vacation from normalcy. The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door.

Somebody help us! It's humans.

Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby.

Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle? My wha-- Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card.

Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her.

Well, the important thing is we're finally alone.

You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

(SCREAMS) Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun.

All right, Tinny, your double leg transplant is complete. What do you say you give 'em a try?

I found the board!

Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back! I Wo--

this place has class.

ain't she A beautiful sight come on and join our Convoy ain't nothin' gonna get in our way wE gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U.S.A. Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck.

He found a way. For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise.

A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies. Great jah's dreadlocks! There's been a mix-up.

I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn. Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts.

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

(MUTANTS CHEERING)

Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Oh, no, not at all. If anything, I'm more impressed. Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room. And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad.

Quick! In there! Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Great Cheech's ghost!

You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do.

Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle.

You gonna eat that? Maybe later. The time has come to discuss matters of the gravest importance.

The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story.

Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you

This is a mutiny!

And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word. As the duly elected mobsters of this union,

Oh, no! I'm back at the wheel, Fry. Everything's under control. Great, great. The one time I forgot to buy flight insurance. Aah! They're coming straight toward our proximity!

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie.

Wait! No, thanks.

I showed up! And I got the audio tour for "Treasures of Liberace's Tomb."

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen.

Fourscore and 1,145 years ago our forefathers' foreheads conceived a new nation. And this Presidents' Day, we honoreth those values that my body fought and died for.

I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear.

(SNIFFLES) That frightened little girl in the statue reminds me of Fry. (SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony. Who is this non-Washington redskin? I am Singing Wind, chief of the native Martian tribe. But I thought your people abandoned this planet.

He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Oh, no! The ice is melting! The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat. And your breezy short shorts. Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

He's crooked, but fair.

He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this. Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell.

Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these.

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

(LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences.

Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha!

Cursed by his own hubris.

Well, I have studied abroad...

I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what.

It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

(SOBBING) (SNIFFLING) That poor incompetent crew.

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop! People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in.

Hey, where'd they-- Attack! Oh, God.

Okay, team, if I can trust a total stranger, you can sure as heck trust your own coworkers. In fact, I'm gonna make the first trust fall of the week, backwards into the waiting arms of my new assistant. Just stand here like so. Good. I'll fall backwards, and you catch me.

Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior.

Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me.

- Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore.

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money! Well, I'm stumped.

You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another. True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff?

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery!

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag! Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious.

Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here.

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what? Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in? Yes! You broke my heart, Hubert. And you broke mine.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey!

It's fake, mon.

Are you all right?

You know, standing up to me is pretty manly. I'll tell you what, sport. I'll kill him for you. Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died!

Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles! I had Seymour till he was three. That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him,

Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research.

That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food.

The last proton should be decaying about now. Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe.

I don't know what I did to make you love me,

And in sports Yankees' fifth blurnsman, William Woo is out with an injured knee. So humans have easily injured knees. My race will find this information very useful indeed.

Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed. Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh? KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms. Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh?

But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation. That's awful.

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

(BOTH MOAN) Your place or mine? Both. But first, this place. (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) (STUTTERING) Ooh! Room for one more? (LAUGHING SAUCILY)

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back!

While you await your "friend," allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern. "These unique rock formations "were created over millions of years by mineral-rich water,

You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends. What could have caused the leak?

Look at that cocky smirk. My money's on Gedgie. Yeah? He may have brains, but I have heart. Josh Gedgie! (LAUGHING) I'll bring the car around.

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets But the years went by and Pharaoh died

Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner. Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous.

All right then! Whoo! Look out, baby! Work it out! Oh, shake that thing! You gotta use it, ladies! Shake it up a little! That's right! Come on! Work it out! Madam, I am one impressed celebrity.

In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo! This is great. I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24. It's just my way of thanking you for not reporting my countless violations of safety and minimum wage laws.

Brain! Brain make people dumb.

Hey, hey, hey. (ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too.

instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy. And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene.

We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned! But we still have one hope, my big televised debate! I'm our A in the hole! Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name. That's him!

Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

That is one sexy bridge abutment.

So is it true you can make all kinds of shirts and ropes out of hemp? Dave's not here, man. I also heard hemp makes great shampoo. It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure.

I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you.

Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd. It's an orangutan one of Mother Earth's most precious creatures. Hmm.

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry.

You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once.

Wait, I found a loophole in the mortgage. If we actually pay it, we can keep the building. We just need $11 million.

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale.

Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time. There you go, dearies.

According to Google Hive, we are at the exact center of the honeycomb. And there's a Jamba Juice 0.2 miles that way. Does that thing tell you where the queen bee is? The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thoraxed... Don't be applying your Eurocentric standards of beauty to me, fool.

Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS) Hey, Professor,

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go!

And now, back to our show.

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something? Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (GRUNTS)

Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy." My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy!

Good work, everyone.

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away.

Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

It costs a little more, but it's worth it. Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

Five, four, three, two-- Waaah! What the--

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh!

Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking.

In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

We stole it! Oh, crumb! What? What's going on? I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

Would you do it for a Bendee Brew? Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic.

Laughing at other people's misfortunes! Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth.

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

Wait. Don't take a shower, Fry. You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh? KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms. Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh?

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

And in the world of ultimate robot fighting, the Masked Unit wins his championship bout against Gorgeous Gonks by technical melting. Go, Masked Unit!

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you. Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do. Even break dancing. And it once belonged to someone very special. I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother,

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream!

By God, you're right! I'm going to build that smelloscope. Eureka! Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year.

Crew, as you know, I've delivered a lot of good news in the past. But what I'm about to lay down is by far the greatest announcement in the history of Planet Express!

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better. Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up?

Fry, you're my friend.

Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray!

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS)

Hi, Leela. I'm just gonna keep talking, even if you can't hear me. Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Shut up! I can hear you! The professor says you're just a dream.

I call this the F-ray. It's like an X ray, only it allows you to see through anything-- even metal. Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles.

So are walnuts, and they're delicious.

I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked?

Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now? All right then!

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Shucks, I never thought of it that way. Sorry, cheddar-head. ALL: Look up high where the rainbow bends Orange and purple are the best of friends I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort.

But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself.

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold! Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Number five: "Bite." Number four: "My." And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet...

Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

Stop! Stop! I admit it.

Take me now, you stud!

Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself.

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem.

Hey, there, Amy. Like you to meet my buddy, joe. Sorry I'm late. My pool game ran long at the jazz club.

Ow! Enjoying the show? Ooh! Ow! Don't forget to pick up a T-shirt. Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit. Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999...

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting. Come ons, comes on!

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried. Thank you, Bender. You brought me right to the lava pit. (LAUGHS)

And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened.

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium. What's with Seymour?

Look! I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for.

It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie. Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation...

I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science!

Who's that? You could not foresee Come on. Give it up. I'll say it loud and sing it proud His name is you and me - Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing?

The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

(BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

I think it moved. BOTH: Phew! Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year.

(GRUMBLING) Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine. Oh, my, yes. Thank you all for saving me--

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again! And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans.

I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. (ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress. Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah. Wait! I'm trying! It weighs as much as a thousand suns.

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it?

I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great. (CHOKES) (GROANS)

Hey wait, can you guys hear the Professor, too? Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

(GIGGLING) Captain, we were supposed to land two days ago. Is everything... Hey! Are we at the fair yet, Mommy? We're not at the anyplace!

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

Nothing in there, except maybe a few shreds of moldy, old robot pornography. Hmm. Sounds like a breeding ground for humans. I better check it out. Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what?

I'm not rich. I can't even buy one measly masterpiece! Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter,

In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all. Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry! That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry! String him up!

(READING TEXT ALOUD)

These things are always touching me in places.

Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

Bye, last proton. And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you? Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda.

Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word.

- Bam! - It's okay, my man. I got you covered on your next health inspection. Oh, I really appreciate that, Mr. Mayor's Aide. Here ya go. Compliments of the house.

Cut! Cut it! Ech! Yuck! Look. It's all right, kid. We'll get it in editing.

No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it.

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason. NARRATOR: The isolated Galapagos Islands.

Hey! Turn that damn music... up!

I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated!

(HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished.

Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive... for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end! I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet?

Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING) You idiot. I'm not a cannon.

These gifts have been coming nonstop. I think Calculon's falling for you. Ah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. It's just a game.

What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

The time skips haven't stopped at all.

Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

This is a story about all my friends.

Well, it's a Type "M" planet so it should at least have roddenberries. I'm experienced at foraging.

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go.

Aw! Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal.

It's an insult to my Japanese heritage. How so? This is America, not Japan. Maybe so. I'm not sure.

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk.

You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain.

What the hell kind of plane is that? (BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps. Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.

screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous! Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you. And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that. Okay. Okay. I can do this.

On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'.

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad. Fate brought us together, and now fate brought us here. No, you brought us here.

Could one of you guys get that? It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too.

Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept! The mercury is boiling! (ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning.

You're in terrible danger. You see Emperor Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug. And before he could even wipe his mouth Strug was drunk by Shwab. So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years?

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous!

Nice knowing you. Ahh!

You need an alien hacked to pieces, he's the best there is, in the budget category. Have you ever dissected a Yeti before? (SNICKERS) Himalayan or Neptunian? Tritonian. (GASPS) A Tritonian Yeti? You two aren't up to anything unethical, are you? Relax.

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby! Oh, no.

(SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay.

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer! Ugh. Yes, Malachi, what is it this time?

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need.

Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess. And my banjo! And Fry!

Some do. It all makes sense. He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his kabuki theater. Of course! No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Brace yourself for the worst. And yet he looks so natural. What's happening? He's hooked up to a life-support system. We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze!

Time for the drum solo. Run!

What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh.

What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe. Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me! I think it's moving.

Fry, you smelly idiot.

Robot House! So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

- Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me?

Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey!

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Hmm. I don't like the looks of this V-GINY. Does anyone recognize those call letters? Nope. It's not in the Janeway's guide, either. Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding.

- (DOOR OPENS) - Hey, guys. Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door? I beat him up and took his hat!

Put her there, pal.

And now to fulfill my destiny! Fire! What the-- We missed!

Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

Stop! It's driving me sane!

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Holy zombie jesus!

This company's gonna shoot straight to the top... and stay there, like Cyndi Lauper.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

So I gotta hide forever? No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you. They're pretty good at that.

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES)

Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now. Hear my words. I believe I, the most humble member of Action Delivery Team, could do such a dance. (LAUGHS) Surely your hard shell is too rigid. I call on anyone but you to do the peace dance.

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase!

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story. Man, I thought ultimate robot fighting was real like pro wrestling, but it turns out it's fixed like boxing. It's one thing to win a fixed fight-- there's dignity in that-- but to lose, and in this atrocity--

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead?

Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Dear God! He's having a heart attack!

that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad!

(BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us

Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep! And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby-- No!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And what better way to celebrate our success... than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself? Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know...

She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai. I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail!

You owe me one.

Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half.

You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship! Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends.

What's all this cat hair on my sweater? Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls? You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats! Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING)

I bid you adieu. Oww!

Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

How about this?

Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan.

I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this.

Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms... I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

But really I'll be dead. Ladies and gentlemen, our new Martian city is complete. I give you Dickfrancisco! (CHEERING)

And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box!

Got you, you murderous flesh-piles. Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case.

Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. (ALL CHEERING) Now let's go to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise. Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on.

We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court! I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

Quiet your riot. What's the worst that could happen? No! No!

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak. Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost!

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time. Funny, funny stuff. My life is over.

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week. Sorry. I was distracted by those protesters outside our building.

Hey, look. The players who broke the various color barriers. When will man learn that all races... are equally inferior to robots?

You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood! You've waited too long to switch back, you dingbat! Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out? Uh-huh. All right. Now there's no way to stop this marriage without hurting Calculon.

We can all get together for a big benefit concert in San Francisco. And we can call it "Bend-Aid" after me, Bender. And you can sing that song you're writing. And I'll let you sing backup. But remember who the star is-- me, Bender.

That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

If you think bad luck can defeat me, then you don't know my name is Philip J.-- Whew. That is one unlucky guy.

It turns out it's man.

I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again. You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me.

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye!

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Zapp... Lying sack of... (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Well, this is awkward. Our Carcaron friends declared war. Then, once again, my lies have been proven true. (YELLS)

Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

A card from my cousin Zoidfarb.

Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much.

The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news.

We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting.

Though juicy... very, very juicy...

Oy! Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying. That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us. Amy has a point. Mr. Peppy's not like Zoidberg. He's my friend. Aw...

'Sup? Kids ready?

(STAMMERING) But what about that hitchhiker? You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together.

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No!

(BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew! I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you?

Because I-- I-- I don't know what I'd do without them.

ZAPP: Today's episode, "Operation throat..." NIXON: "Banana Split." What the hell kind of plane is that?

Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3. Huh?! Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof!

Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING) (GROWLING) (BARKING) (SNARLING)

What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea. And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old.

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart. You're ugly! (LAUGHING)

I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us.

I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body!

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

Hello there. Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams. He heals with the power of laughter. Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now. Hey, here's a giggle.

We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines. You leave kitty cat alone! ALL: (EXCLAIMING) Kitty cat. People, please, I'm trying to run a business, so I get to hold kitty. Here, puss, puss...

(GUITAR STRUMMING) Then I shot him and stabbed him and stole all his gold And I tried on his face while his body turned cold Lovely. Just lovely. New topic. Can I have your autograph, and also you tell me everything you know about folk singing, and I'll take your guitar, too?

What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry.

Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug. Agnew, cut to the PSA.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up!

Yeah. This coming together of superstars... really means a lot to you, doesn't it, Bender? Uh-huh. Helping my defective brothers... is the first thing I've ever cared about, even the slightest bit. You know, when I first got broken,

Well, see you tomorrow.

Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you. Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision.

Oh, well-- I mean, what! Relax, the ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh! Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo!

Ooh! Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true?

And so our company flames onwards. Planet Express! Limitless potential, boundless horizons! The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe! It's been a terrible year, people. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy.

Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more.

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up. Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you.

Me hear people, but me not see people.

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas!

These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones! Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues.

I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

Quickly, into the sewer hole. Why?

Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated. Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough!

Welcome, swingers. Pull up a groove and get fabulous. Nude rock bands. Big piles of what I assume is talcum powder. It's quite a birthday party, Calculon. Cool. I'm gonna have a fabulacious birthday party just like Calculon!

I admire your style, Roberto.

Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever.

If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting.

Liftoff! I'll roger that.

at least three of them Chinese.

Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible.

We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out. (SIGHS) Then we have no choice. We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started.

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over, and no question, Leela, the first woman ever to reach the majors, will go down as the single worst player in the history of blernsball.

Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in. - I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man. You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good, but it feels good today, 'cause I got to dance and make people happy.

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male.

I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster.

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this. (GRUNTING) I'll stay here and be in charge of not dying.

No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years.

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap!

Could you repeat that last part? Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit.

I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay! We're going to try you out with a little delivery job. It's for a, uh, private lottery that we run. Wow! You guys run numbers?

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in.

Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!"

Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow. Gross! Ick!

They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us.

Bot wash, yeah Oh...

(ALL SCREAMING) It wasn't supposed to do any of those things.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute.

No, no, listen. It's time to get on with your life. (SNIFFLES) But she was my life. BENDER: Aw! What? Hey, what about your lifelong dream? Didn't you always want to surf the world's greatest sewers? Yeah, and Fry and Bender can go with you.

So, uh, what time you close tonight? Hey, Pops! Did that tax rebate come? Came and went! You're now the proud owner of Bamboo Boogie Boots. With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun. But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun.

I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh?

Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

I think you're overreacting. Am I?

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow!

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod!

Probably not, but we did. We learned that no matter whether we're purple or orange... Or new polkaberry. (HONKING) Good nutrition is just a bowl away. ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal.

Activating the force.

Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped.

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

My God, Bender, framing an orphan.

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day.

No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium. Please stand clear of self-destructing basket.

Toss me the speech center of the brain.

Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh!

(YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry.

NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks.

Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man. Ah, that must be my old boss.

Wait! I thought of a way! The way I just said! Yeah! Way to go, Pops! Something's happening on television! Oh, Monique. Why did we wait so many years to bathe in champagne?

(HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

So how are we supposed to eat and digest? Got it. Well, since we have no digestive systems here, I guess we'd better get back to the third dimension after all. Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb.

I'm back, baby. Behold! The sacred, ancestral birthing grounds of my family.

So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you.

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down.

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already. Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, wait a minute. He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay.

My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought.

Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace. You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator... Henry Kissinger. How are you? Is he any good?

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?

(BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS)

Uh-oh. Help. Help!

Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits. I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey. Really? I guess when you're around it all day you stop noticing. Off you go.

Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport. That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself. And I said I'd try my very best. But have they seen your, you know, physique since the old days? I described it to them on the phone using a series of artful euphemisms.

Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

Aha! My brother's grave. "Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"?

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream.

I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this. We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors.

Handsome and Esquire. I'm Turanga Leela. My crew and I are from Earth.

Come on, Yancy, your brother's sick. You'll never have a better chance to take him out. Dad! "Nerd Search '88?" What's this? Some stupid science contest for smartwads. NASA's going to pick one kid's experiment to launch into space. I could make a space experiment.

Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing!

(BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

Ah! Meeting adjourned. I can't figure out why she's so nice to you, Fry. She's a hateful monster, this Morgan. She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her. Bender! What happened to you?

You swerve, narrowly avoiding:

The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me!

It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates!

Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

An open casting call for child robots!

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy.

(ALL CHEERING) And so, the survival of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured.

(BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden. But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Whoas! Cripe! A tapeworm!

I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

All right, I've been waiting all day for an excuse to hit a lady. You try it, and I'll bash your face in. Ooh, I'm so scared, No-Arms. (GROANS) (BOTH GRUNTING) You want some of this?

Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded.

I'm born, baby!

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human. The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

- Indeed. - Any calls while I was out? Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago. My Kiffy called? Kif? Ooh, Amy, you're back. Another hour, and I would've thought about hanging up. Why didn't you just leave a message, sweetie? Well, um,

Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this. (GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb?

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers.

Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them.

I mean killer app!

"I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!

Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851,

Wait. What? We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh. Kif. Yes-- Ugh.

But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

Somebody won big at Skee-Ball!

I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first. Calculon, wait! That was the first time I ever believed you were feeling a genuine emotion.

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

I feel slightly less miserable already.

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors.

We have to quit the Nectar. I agree. This has to stop.

Thank you, Angus. You're welcome! (YAWNING) I don't trust that MacZongo. Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy. Don't worry about MacZongo.

We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed! (GRUNTS) Stop the wedding! (ALL GASP) Who is that? Morris? I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight.

I have a plan to get my hands on those purpleberries with new loquat-flavored orangeberries. Soon I will have an important part of a complete breakfast. Oh, no. The Berry Burglar fired his snowball bomb.

And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95.

Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me!

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar?

The batteries in the remote are getting low. No! Put that back and turn it on! I was just trying to help. More on this breaking puff piece after a word from our sponsor. ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex,

(GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix, the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline.

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket!

I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help. The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery!

Preparing for takeoff.

What's wrong, Mommy? It's those damned anchovies. That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them. No one messes with Mom.

Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

I had nothing to live for in my old life.

What's the catch? She looks normal. She's not a hologram. Not a robo-slave. We give up. (GIGGLES) You guys are weird. I have to go open my flower stand before the falafel guy takes my spot, but it was great to meet you. See you later, crab cakes.

Well, I guess it's time to indulge in some end-of-the-world debauchery. Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah. Maybe a Parcheesi tournament. Belay that Parcheesi tournament.

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder. Bender, old buddy, hang in there.

A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district. But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o.

Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

So, if I die... You die. Or as you put it... (RASPS)

- Go get it, boy! - Ruff! So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans.

(HORN HONKING) Let's go, already!

It's so unfair. That bloated Casanova gets all the ladies! Even that one with the exquisite fat rolls.

Still a little nervous? (BURPS) She's a nervous wreck!

Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families. But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look.

Aha! Go, Professor! Lean back more! Ow!

And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy.

Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium... that should take the tar right off. Come on. Let's go tell Leela, so we can grow up together. Thanks, Professor, but I don't want the treatment. Don't you understand, you little nitwit?

Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream, the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean. I do look forward to cavorting in the spray. The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

- (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No! Oh, there's gotta be a better way.

Bye, Bender. I'll miss you. Oh, go on. Get out of here before you get caught. Bender, good news.

Whoa! Faster! Faster! Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mama.

We had a wonderful night of love-making in my dumpster. ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench? Because, my friends, she has no sense of smell. That explains it. I get it.

Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum! Man, this place is a snooze.

Hmm? Look, it's that crate we were going to throw in the sewer. The keys to the ship! They must have fallen into the crate. Aw, Leela's going to kill me. Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me?

Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning.

(LAUGHING) I'm being fired. I don't think it's appropriate to joke around like that. You're right, Hermes. Meet Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. I'm Mark 7-G, the machine who's replacing you. (SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview?

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!"

It's supposed to be a river! Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

I didn't want to know! These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no.

Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu. So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine, I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack.

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday!

What? It's 2:00 in the afternoon. Several days later. Look, enough is enough. Zapp is a jerk. I insist you break up with him. Why can't you just let me be happy? After all these years, I'm going places I've never been, and having sex there. You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp.

Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean. It's not fair!

POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on? Jefferson, did you sell me some bad rope?

No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher.

It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other. We got it from this convenient database of his ten most frequently used words.

But then Nicolas Cage discovered the real treasure was his family. Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you?

I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life.

Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone.

Stand back. Oops. Don't worry, they'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off.

To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance. Like watching Leno. And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime. Nevertheless, stay with me here, things will now happen just as I fake predicted.

Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you.

And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap.

Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?

Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile.

Ow! Suing! Ow! (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (STADIUM CROWD ROARING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

I have a devious plan. Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela.

But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey.

My baby's milk money!

Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow me.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow! The takeover of Planet Express is approved! Ah, man!

(GRUNTING) What goes down must back up. (SEWAGE BUBBLING)

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it!

Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS)

Maybe I should take this off.

It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say?

We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged. There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say?

My Speedos! Depth at 45 hundred feet... 48 hundred, 50 hundred... 5,000 feet. Dear Lord!

Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

Perhaps. What's your point?

Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

Yes! Footprints! And handprints? But... what's happening?

Choose! Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy. Then we'll go with that data file. Correct. The flower would also have been acceptable. You may pass.

Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap. Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude!

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

(SNIPPING) Hubert, I'm sorry. Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost!

All 6,000 hulls have been breached!

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

into a tender, delicate form. Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Hey! Draining male oil!

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

He has no free will! He cannot "decide" to engage in criminal behavior. How, I say, I say, how can you convict him for his actions when he lacks the free will to undertake those actions? (ALL GASPING) I'm awake, I'm awake!

Whew! Whew! Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad! No one move.

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Here goes! Ohh... Hey, it worked. The static's gone. I hate that this came between us, Calculon.

- Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

The thief seems to be some sort of ghost. Or is he? (GASPING) Bender? (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Attack! Oh, God.

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder

I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender. And don't skimp on the nasty. There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that? Ooh! Yeah! Come on!

Aw, you look so sad.

Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead! It's booby-trapped! Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight

You tricked me into marrying you, didn't you? Of course not! How'd you do it? Drugs in the champagne? Hypnosis? No! Drugs are for losers! And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows. I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me, but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final.

Face it. I'm a prize catch. I mean, I'm pulling down delivery-boy money. Fry, she's pulling down billionaire trust-fund money. Then she wants me as a trophy husband.

Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings?

Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War. But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard.

I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human.

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

You may be gelatinous, but not even the Mochi Phantom could perform such intricate motions! Says you, salary-man. Behold the dance of peace.

I shall rip out your heart and show it to you. (BEEPS) It is done. The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. (EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead.

Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word.

I just wish I could have showed you guys how great they were. I may be rich, but I still can't buy back all the things I miss from the 20th century. Maybe you're forgetting just how rich you are. Huh? Huh?

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

Bollocks, I got it, too.

This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.

Oh, how I wish I was down there with ye. (DOOR OPENS) Let's not forget that this shipwreck is also the final resting place of this brave captain. Place your bets. Whee!

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me.

Deal with it, you babies! Let the battle begin! (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Blug! Which one did they go into? Oh, let's all ask each other. That'll solve this problem. We'll each have to search a universe. Everyone, grab a length of wire first, so you can find your way back.

Well, I reckon we'll just sit around this campfire a while.

What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work, and it's all thanks to Qbert. Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way, but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you.

Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine. Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine! Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior!

Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot. Fry's not here. Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor. Fry went to the party?

The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives. News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing.

(HORSE WHINNIES) Wow, where'd you get the horse? None of your business.

What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever. I have these three costumes you could use. But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing. Of course! Having no mouths or ears,

Hold him down. Check.

(COUGHING) Man, all this corncob pipe smoke is irritating my stab wounds. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present, fresh from another down-home authentic prison term, the universe's greatest folk singer, Silicon Red! (APPLAUSE)

Sure, blame the wizards.

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

It's a sad and lonely life.

Hold it, Santa.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry!

HERMES: Listen up, people. As long as nothing happens for the next 15 minutes, our insurance will be reinstated. So, let's just sit quietly and run out the clock.

New New York is done for. All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas.

The time skips are worse than ever now. Isolated spots are jumping by years at a time. Look! Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money! Well, I'm stumped.

Your insightful nagging really won us over. Yeah. You explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand. And that appealed to me, for whatever reason. Thanks, guys, but we have a lot of work ahead of us. If we're going to win the election, we've all got to get involved. You said it! That's right.

He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago, he was scratched by a Yeti.

Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry. The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner.

It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Duh, duh, duh! They went this way! Quick! In there! Huh?

But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future! But it's set 800 years in the past. Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female.

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind. This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard.

Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

(ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh! Ahh!

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

No alcohol? (SCOFFS) And you got the nerve to call yourself a beverage machine? I call myself Bev. And if you're looking for a smelly old can of booze, go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm.

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie?

Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector.

Ah, I knew that. What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine! Really, it's the steward's fault. Excellent choice, sir. That Flexo! Why, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. Can't believe this. Obsessing won't help, Bender.

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow?

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted?

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

sharksplosions, then it just ends!

We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids.

Hello, Zapp? Well, well, well. Zapp, we're out of fuel. And Vergon 6 is about to implode. We need your help. So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not?

We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING) (COUGHING) And we can build this dream together Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000.

Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain. I thank Leela for the D.N.A. she gave me, but in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love.

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes!

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even--

You move like a young, roach-infested Gene Kelly. Oh, my God. It's Randy! Damn right! And I'm organizing a tap-dance contest for the Parks and Rec Department. If you don't enter, I'll just kill myself, okay? Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest?

Orange? Purple? Do I know you? Have we met?

It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie?

(FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri! Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break!

You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

Shut up, Fry, I know it.

We'll need to look our best if we're to get the account... of our new potential customer-- Romanticorp. Romanticorp? Are they a corporation that makes romantic stuff? Very good, Amy.

Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day. Bender, are you okay? What crazy thing am I gonna date next? Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty! I saw that!

Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope.

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades,

Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.

My fellow Earthicans, welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson!

What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners.

What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later. It's time to activate the bomb.

Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.

I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table. The captain's table. What an honor.

What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum. Who built you? I have always been. Oh, my God! Are you... God? Possible. I do feel compassion for all living things--

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy.

I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots.

Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops! New York is so burned! Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow!

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship.

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what?

(GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity, just as long as my little bearded meat bag gets to live.

Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again. Ah, um, um! Gross!

Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo! Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep. Hey, baby. I'm Bender.

to empty all the spittoons in Little Italy. Eww! That's it. It's done. I can't believe it. My mind is boggling.

Time to override the C.P.U. and reprogram this femputer. Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing!

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered.

I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking. We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses. Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think.

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer?

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

(SOBBING) There, there. I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy! Hey, wait! You can't leave... What?

I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY) They stole everything except my mouth and eyes. I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking.

Remember me! I will. I will.

and I'll never ever know what it was. My life is empty. Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

Now I want them to help me. Should we do something? There's no hurry. Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard! Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for?

Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper.

I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull,

We can cut them off. Turn left at Miriam Feinberg. I meant Feingold!

This is how you treat me? After all the good news I've given you over the years? Well, if you don't want Bessie, you don't want me. Goodbye!

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

Approved for all audiences! No! NARRATOR: And now, the spicy finale of The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. That was a close call, but we saved Earth.

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book.

dreaming, oddly enough, about bathing in champagne with six of the world's most distinguished scientists, when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING)

(MUFFLED SPEECH) I knew it. I knew he'd get us killed somehow.

You just used up today's bathroom break. Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet.

You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid? Oh! Stupider. And you go on to say that we're headed for your home planet, where your race has lived since the beginning of the universe? So, how did the universe begin?

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will. We can finally build robots that act and think with total independence. At last. Once we give robots free will,

Show them they stink in a game they've never played before!

Shut up and get to the point!

This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender?

I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence.

Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle! I can move again. My music career is over.

This is a story about all my friends.

Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me. This is so great!

Eh, "last year," you say? That's right. Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place? Hardly. We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock.

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore.

I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless.

on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time? There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there. Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian...

Oh, lord. Now what? I couldn't tell her the truth. Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say.

just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes. Meow. Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute.

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Come on. Pay attention. I said do it!

searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time. I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more.

You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk.

Hey, Dutch, the new still is here! I'm not a still. I just smell like one. POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty! (GUNSHOTS) What the heck is going on?

I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but what the heck. He has only one expansion slot, and it holds his memory card. This robot will never bend. Don't tell my son what he can and can't do! You may know what's in his head, but you don't know what's in his heart!

No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

Here you go, Squeakers. I was accepted to MIT at the age of 14, but my parents crushed my dreams like a discarded frog head. Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go. You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful. In that case... let the dancing begin!

Is that even necessary? I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father. All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda.

Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end! Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers! Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes.

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time.

Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously addictive.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth.

What's that? A tattoo removal laser? (LAUGHS) Hermes, you and your preposterous sci fi nonsense. No, this is simply a translucidating ink polarizer. It aligns the pigment molecules, channeling photons through, and rendering the ink invisible.

Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"?

Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently? No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better. Egg salad? Hmm. Zoidberg will have to examine your gastrointestinal tract. Come, everyone. Give Fry some privacy.

What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down.

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney. You've changed, Fry. What? I haven't changed.

Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance. But recently they've taken on a sinister dimension...

Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No!

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet--

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby!

We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

From the mayor himself! I don't know. I never heard of no mayor. The Zookeeper! Sorry I'm late. Long story. Now everybody hit the deck! I'm cutting the entire line and stealing the exhibit.

Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

da-da-da bah-bah bah We're going home. Call us a space taxi. No need. There's not a restaurant built I can't fly. Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do.

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

Ah, I've heard better.

Supplies are low, cannibalism imminent, radio busted. Our one hope is to form a society. Okay, then. Men, let's get hunting. The womenfolk can cook what we catch.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment. But Guenter's obviously better off being intelligent. Tell him, Leela. Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is...

(GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now I'm water-cooled. I can stimulate my intellect without further thermodynamical disruption. I miss the old, illiterate Bender.

Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

Zapp Brannigan! Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan. You know Zapp Brannigan? Let's just say we've crossed paths.

I do love a man in uniform. (CLEARS THROAT) I mean, a uniform that doesn't involve short pants. (SIGHS) I can see I have no future here. My only option is to resign with dignity. Here are my shorts.

Care to evade these compelling charges?

How does a nobody like me get famous? I know! Hey, look! I'm stuck, but I haven't given up hope. Call a soft-news journalist. You're not stuck. Shut up.

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again. Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go!

I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt. There's just no place for me in this world.

Ah... Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor. Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom!

I'd like a sewer burger, but without the rat feces. What, are you on a diet? - Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose! just dump me right in front of her, why don't you? Moose, Mandy-- This is my friend, Fry, from the surface.

Come on, Hermes you could out-limbo all of these people. Don't be a dog hot, woman. You know I can't. Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you.

What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting.

Behold the dance of peace.

It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh!

Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer.

My God. It's Colony Collapse Syndrome. The bees are swarming with parasites. They're all dying. Yeah, but what a way to go. "Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it! They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero.

Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist. Then let's find some that do.

And by "inconsiderate," I mean... Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole? So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring.

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole. I'm trying not to, but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale! Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you. Hey, it is kinda like that.

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered. Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell.

It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one.

Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him!

Quick! You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack.

Yes, it's your turn to speak.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

- (LAUGHING) - (BARKING) Please, I am certain I will succeed with my delicate manner. (GROANING) Oops. Instead, I will send the peace transmission. Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

It's so cute. Horseshoe crab cute.

Good news, everyone. He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old.

(BURPS) She's a nervous wreck!

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING)

Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me. Look! I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you.

Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

Chew on this! What-ho!

Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat. And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside. Pretty good story, hey, Hermes?

(CROWD GASPING) My God!

(GROWLS AND GALLOPING) Oh, God, I'm having a Serengeti flashback. Die, you dirty giraffe! (SCREECHING)

Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder. I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it. Now I'll convert that guitar image to a wire-frame model. There, like so. And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer.

Outsiders! Defend the fire!

You know, I was God once.

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No!

I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it. Your wheelchair? I don't need a wheelchair! The one with the wheels! Poor flimsy humans.

Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor. Has anyone seen Bender?

I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

It's the season finale. You want to watch?

Garfield's owner jon's forehead.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing.

Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up... like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke.

It's that hot, it is!

It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

(GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship. (EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody, I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around!

(CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

Coilette! You she-devil!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Shh!

Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind!

Here he is! Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters!

Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest.

I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground. Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that. Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots.

I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.

One, two! one, two, three!

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.

$75,000. Oh, my God. It's Mom. I've never seen her in person before. $100,000. Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world.

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes.

Thanks to the effect of the brain rays, the people of Earth had no memory of what had transpired, except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say.

Yech! Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady! Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you.

See you guys Monday!

Good news, everyone.

Joyous Kwanzaa, everybody. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) (CHUCKLING) Don't worry. The Futurama crew will be back next year with all new episodes featuring Bender, Leela and me, Al Gore,

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you.

Yes, I did, Leels, and I'll tell you why.

Ah, here he comes. That's him and Seymour. Well, that's weird. Seymour's here, but-- Go! Go! Touchdown! But where's Philip? I'm telling you. The Y2K computers got him. We'll face burnin' roads, rivers explodin',

Okay. Admission, $20. I can't believe it. Fry sacrificed his spot for me, and I never even had a chance to thank him. Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever. (ALARM WAILING)

That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

I asked you five minutes ago.

Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me! Hey, come on.

I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game.

Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter, surrounded by bums who eat garbage? Money brought me no happiness. Bubkes!

Exciting news, people!

Well, I got my shield for stopping Bender. (ALL CHEERING) But, then I got fired for tipping off Bender. (ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here,

What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet!

Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain!

Ow! Enjoying the show? Ooh! Ow! Don't forget to pick up a T-shirt. Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes! And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is...

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener.

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries! (LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%.

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun!

And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

(WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING)

This ain't a charity. $1,200? Holy zombie jesus! We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg.

Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course.

Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See?

As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood?

You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan!

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table.

Hello? Anybody? Fry?

When she saw that ramblin' man He was tall and dark and shiny And a native Mexican That sleazy rambler sounds an awful lot like you, Bender. Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse.

Yeah. But it's impossible. Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump. And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the-- What? There's the funding for your gravity pump. But it damn well better work. We can't spend all of Earth's money every day.

This man has over-gasped.

The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray is nothing more than a common teleporter ray. (SCOFFS) Worthless toy! I'm sick of being critiqued by nitpicking nerds. I'm taking this to a comic book convention!

stop all this pain-in-the-ass recycling and throw your garbage on the floor.

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Hooray! People are paying attention to me. Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up. His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend.

I'm not stealing anything!

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am.

Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it! No! I refuse to release anything unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love! (BOTH COUGHING) Tell my offspring I loved me very much...

That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution. Hmm, so I guess you'll want to see my Fry Hole. Very much so, but first, meet the Action Rangers. You already know Stephen Hawking.

All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout.

and she'd be all, like--

and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal. It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name.

Ah, man! Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions?

I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy. What?! It's shameful, I agree. In the olden days, I proudly fought alongside female troops shoulder to, uh... shoulder.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda. Dear Lord, they're back.

Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

Hey, here's a giggle. Did you hear why they're using Windows 3000 as a prison guard? No. Why? 'Cause it always locks up.

(WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus. Well, everyone debone a bunk and get some shut-eye. Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives. AMY: Hey, I found a safe.

Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it. Bender's in his office. Thanks. I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance.

Well, that depends on what one of those things is. That seems like a fact worth knowing. Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual.

Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with.

Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang.

my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face.

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

You sure you don't need a little honey, handsome? Maybe a taste of sweet nectar straight from the hive? (ALL EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) I just need some beeswax to make Kwanzaa candles. Well, that's too darn bad. There ain't no beeswax in the whole world. Oh, no. This could be the year without a Kwanzaa,

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose.

Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God!

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do. Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did-- Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope.

It's me, Bender.

The Farnsworth Novelty Disintegrator Ray is nothing more than a common teleporter ray. (SCOFFS) Worthless toy!

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot.

I bring with me the Mighty One. Huh? At last, our centuries upon centuries of waiting have achieved fruition. Aw, aren't you a fuzzy wittle guy. Stop that! Uh, please, Your Mightiness.

All right, I'm coming.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it.

or that you two are total losers.

Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What?

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people?

This is for Big Bertha! That is not what I meant to give you for Big Bertha.

but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance.

The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

Aye! We're hitched up tighter than Davey jones's U-Haul. At ease, men. I am at ease. Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper.

My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here. I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across campus and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth. Yeah, well, a lot of them were children. Anyway, I should get going.

Killed? In an atomic blast? No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly. Ah.

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back!

So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed.

Well, the important thing is we're finally alone. (CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP)

Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop. (WHISPERING) Keep going.

Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke, and they seem pretty on-the-ball. Yeah! Yes, sir. Way to suck it! Hey. I-i'm smoking! I'm the greatest!

It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three.

I'm back, Crab Dip. What you watching? Only a documentary about the greatest actor in the world. Ah, yes, Calculon. I happened to snap a picture of him taking some time with his biggest fan. No, not that scene-chewing ham. I said the greatest actor, Langdon Cobb. Let's rewind, shall we?

Do you know how to play the fiddle?

Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer?

What's that, old friend? My life story? Well, heck, why not? Pull up a monolith and make yourself cozy.

I'd better light some candles. Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender?

(DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end. I just like having the end locker.

Yo, yo, yo. What's up, ladies? Uh-oh. The bullies are back.

Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son.

"Does not compute"?

Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

Okay, but I'm only doing this so people will take my head seriously as an actress. Hey, look-- anchovies.

according to your wildly inappropriate hunk-of-the-month calendar. Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. (BURPING NOISE)

(ALL EXCLAIM) That was a sick move, yo!

(BOTH LAUGHING) (BOTH HOWLING)

Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company. Welcome to the world of business.

Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed.

Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know...

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...?

why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping. You loved him as Bender the Offender. Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender.

Who knew? Good work, writer of The Matrix. FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly.

Uh, I don't like the looks of this gang-infested neighborhood. There might be spiders! We must have made a wrong turn. We should have reached Blip turf by now. You think we walked straight out of Blipton?

(CLOCK BEEPS) (SMOOCHING)

Holy... (BLEEPING) Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

"M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome.

No! It's under here somewhere! We just have to bust our way down. Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky! (GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING)

That seemed unnecessary.

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender.

ALL: No. Ta-da!

He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him! The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional.

Hey, Bender, why don't we ditch these organ sacks and hit the real party? Count me in. I'm going to drink till I reboot. Hey, what kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.

Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders?

(COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air. (CRACKLING) Who's there? Hermes, is this one of your zany practical jokes?

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too!

The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Eureka! Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year.

I'm sure I threw out more than my share of that trash up there. Also, one month, my toilet broke and I just went straight in the garbage can. Aw!

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you.

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable. A letter from Bender, my good friend.

Leela, those eyes look so great on you. Bah! I think she looked fine before. Wow! Look at me! Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it.

Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve. Ohh!

It just keeps comin' and comin'.

Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you. You lied? What else have you been hiding from me? What else? Nothing else. I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you.

Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead!

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy.

That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

In recognition of your overwhelming victory,

Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online. We are on line. But I thought the Mom Store was across town. It is across town. But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry!

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube?

All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader-- Al Sharpton. Ooh. Now, this guy had taste. It says he was mummified in ceremonial vestments.

The space walk. Hey!

Your permanent career assignment.

Good-bye, Fry. Good-bye, Leela. Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings.

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.

Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time. That's true. But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister. Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but your friends are a bunch of freaks.

Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot! In answer to your question, Hermes.

Remember when I had those stomach worms that made me smart? I could play the holophonor, and it made Leela like me. Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday. I'd really like to have somebody there. Please? Fine. I'll go already. You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive.

But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here.

Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor.

Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success.

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff. Hurry up. I want to see the Moon. Relax, it's open till 9:00.

Damn right, brother man. This chronological wang-dang-doodle... could destroy the very matrix of reality.

Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night?

Fancy cigar? Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff! Go, go, go, go, go! Nah, You can't blow the smoke from such a majestic stogie in just anyone's face. I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses... at Zapp Branigan's black tie reception. You comin'?

Maybe I should take this off. (GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian?

You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting?

We'll have to bring her around again.

I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

I'm as sad as an upside-down smile. You mean a frown? We didn't have a word for it, until now. To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. To think I borrowed money from you. I was going to ask you to marry me.

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone!

You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal. Sorry, I'm not going to kill Fry. Take me to hell for all eternity,

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind.

Sweet ego of Montego!

(GASPS) The ship that sank in that horrible space storm? Yes. I'm afraid your friend's derriere is lost forever in the depths of the Sargaseous Sea. My ass! Sweet love of my life! Several hundred people died, too, including my wife.

There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again.

I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies. It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied. Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender!

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town With a foot and a half of water Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order

It's going to blow!

What's happened to you?

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk!

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes.

Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero!

MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well?

N-Not that we are. But you could call a little more often. Okay. And would it kill you to use some mouthwash? Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez. Here's the entrance.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip.

(PEOPLE CHEERING) KATZ: Good show. And though the world is now spinning in the wrong direction, it's good enough.

Oh, Elzar, bless you. Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way.

so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

English? You must be a terrestrial from that Earth ship they were hunting. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Hey, thanks. You want some candy? Ew. You were eating my turds? Feces pieces? Blech! You must be hungry. Really hungry.

I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you.

I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden? Um, we're just cool is all. Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear...

Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips,

And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade. Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.?

(ALL GROANING) Come on! Good day. I am Nonchalanto, the robot daredevil. And my dream is to risk my life in strange and original ways. Hmm. You don't look so foolhardy to me.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go.

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him.

If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence! Well? Speak up. You talk of important decisions,

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar. We did it!

Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else! You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry?

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time.

Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin.

This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that.

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it. For the last time, Hermes, I didn't steal your lunch. It was Leela. She beat me to it. (BEEPING) Put a squid in it. We're here. Oi! There's the problem.

Fry, this is the most noble thing anyone has ever done for me. Wait, Fry? I'm a lot of people, but I'm not Fry. (LAUGHS) Oh, no!

New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe.

I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no. Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing.

You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it.

Oh, yeah, smarty paws? You may have built the ratchet, but you can't reach the core without 4,000 miles of superconducting wire. (GASPS) The ball of yarn! Quite.

Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile. How ultra?

We will accept no more decoys. This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV. That's where I know her from. She's jennie McNeal. She was a character on a TV show back in the 20th century-- Single Female lawyer.

(BENDERS LAUGHING)

Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police!

And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish.

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof!

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back.

Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me! No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been!

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a... Let me just insert lens in microscope.

There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

I'm willing to take that risk. Hey, pookums, contrary to what I was sayin' earlier, melding minds with you would be extremely bearable. You really mean it? Uh, yes.

Don't finish that cruller. Throw it away. Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice.

I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout. Now fetch me some working-class cognac from our brandy storeroom that you know how to find. Uh... (SCREAMS) Relax, Bender.

Yeah, you're one dynamite lady.

Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant. Oh, joy! Amy, isn't it wonderful? I'm pregnant!

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

Bad news, friends.

I used a ruler and I erased all the pencil lines when I was finished. Charming. Now, into the ditch with you. (EXCLAIMS) (DOGS BARKING)

Yes, listen to the father. I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry.

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon," and then Calculon said, "No!" I think we've heard enough.

You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it. It's a nice day. We'll take him out to the yard, and after you shoot him, we'll play catch with his bladder. But I can't. He's my pet. You shot your hamster.

You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone.

We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'. Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now. Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir.

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad! You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious,

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing. But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy! The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop!

Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax? Yes. Over in... say, weren't there more people in your group at the start of the tour? Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila! The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes.

Where? And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen.

I suppose I could part with one and still be feared.

Counsel, you may address the court on behalf of Earth, if you're ready. I was hatched ready. Honorable judge Heads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag. I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right.

I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

Counsel, you may address the court on behalf of Earth, if you're ready. I was hatched ready. Honorable judge Heads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag. I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right. Your Honor, freedom of speech applies...

We're so proud of everything that you are, and we always will be... because you're our baby girl. Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!

Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

We found a miracle cure! Giant beans? They must be worth a fortune! These babies are the jewels of the bean kingdom.

Fry, you have once more done my people a great service. On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you. Thanks. But no one can give me what I really want. I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof.

Patricide. Well, let's work up to that one. How about skull arranging? That is for Grrrl Scouts! Men bring the skulls home, women arrange them. I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge.

No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in!

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love.

(LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already?

I am Drrr, doctor of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

into this blessed pit so they can wrestle The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special is the oil in which the nasty fem-bots wrestle We shall now begin the traditional oil wrestling.

Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus.

Sorry, can't help you.

Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown.

(TROMBONE PLAYING) Fry, I'm writing here. Do you have to play that? Yes. It's the only song I know. Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to...

You're the best, babe. Hang on. Call comin' in. What's that? Hey, you put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos.

Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore?

oh, keep smiling through

Of course. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful. In that case... let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

He shut you up, O'Connor.

his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

You're not stealing anything! Nobody hit the deck! Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out.

Maybe da Vinci painted over something else. It's called a pentimento. That's true, Dr. Zoidberg. How did you know that? My doctorate is in art history. Let's see what's under The Last Supper.

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic!

I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape. Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"? Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!

I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body!

Leela, I think you're missing the big picture. When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever. The correct answer is to be a superhero.

Oy. These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

He's a witch! Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently? No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better. Egg salad? Hmm.

Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things.

Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity.

This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor. We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family. And That Guy understands that. Everyone's fired, and we're out of business.

Holy night! Intruders!

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about?

We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me.

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer.

Please! I just paid off my car! No! I can't look. Stop!

Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING)

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

And I've got to find out what.

He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him.

What's wrong, Fry?

I'll be exactly on time. You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema. If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril. I mean, the delivery guy has, like, 30 superpowers. Well, that's because he was bitten by a radioactive superman!

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry.

Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants.

MORBO: Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonite!

Yo, what you doing on our turf? Chill, dawg. Ain't no thang. We Cruds. Well, we Blips and we over here. We put up that mirror 'cause this is a blind intersection. It's considerably reduced the number of accidents. It don't do nothing for the murder rate, though.

Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What?

I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great.

Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain? Farewell, monobrains.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions! What?

We're not from around here. Hello. (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents.

He's raked in seven Academy Awards for best actor and two for best actress, all without ever removing his trademark bag. Mr. Cobb, you're an intensely private man. Quite right. Mmm-hmm. - And though billions of people have seen your work... - Mmm-hmm. ...no one has ever seen your face.

Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh! Killed? In an atomic blast?

Whoo! Microbrewed. My guys did all right. I think I'll make my countenance to shine down upon them.

(URGING) Whoa, whoa, there, girl. Go on, now! Get on back to Paraguay! (BRAYING)

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English? Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to break into the casino vault, steal millions of dollars from under the Mafia's nose, and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions? How come we've never been in this room before? I think this chart will answer that. Now, the heist.

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making.

Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman. Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company.

Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that? I never should have thrown out the manual. Bender, you didn't have to come down here. I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much.

Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here?

I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me, but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china.

One, two! one, two, three!

You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy. With the added benefit of me and the chief being locked in a small room.

FARNSWORTH: Everything was going smoothly until right after that part I was just telling you about. Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet.

Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water. Oh, big spender. That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn!

We're in here too. Uh, Leela, how are you gonna meet your folks tomorrow? We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum.

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line. I find the defendants guilty.

Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices. Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid...

Fry, distract him! Hey, Project Satan, over here! I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points!

Don't quote me regulations.

So far, so good. Where's Kif? This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square. Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

(ZAPP YODELING) We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres!

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels!

Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas...

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup?

34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars. Vodka with a sardine in it, please. In fact, vodka with a sardine all around! And let it ride!

Oh, you're no fun. You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost.

What is it, Dr. Tenderman? Is it serious? I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

They drive us from valley, and we end up living here, in isolated crevice. We figure, "whatever." But then we get trapped by encroaching ice age. Now we sealed in under sky of ice. So my sadness makes perfect sense.

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it.

Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child.

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING) (BLOWS TRUMPET)

They don't look so lucky to me.

We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'.

They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap. Hey, what's rattling around in there? It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention. To the laboratory.

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories.

Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science.

I guess it's just us for all eternity. Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me? I would marry you even if you weren't the last man on Earth. (BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know...

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined! Hi. I'm Jerry. I like movies.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom. You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots. That's so filthy it just might work. The man is going to touch Mommy?

Right up until my third heart attack. Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow!

Then the charges apply to you, too.

I demand the floor! Yes, it's your turn to speak.

Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Oh, Adlai. This is the most beautiful moment of my life. Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo! Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

Shake paws, Nibbler. Come on. Shake. He might be a little hungry. Shake, boy! Usually he's had more ham by now. Shake!

You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

(SCOFFS) There is no controller. The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera. Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (EXCLAIMS)

Hey, wait! You can't leave... What? (WAILING)

There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine.

We are free and fairly sober With so many toys to build The machines are kinda tricky Probably someone will be killed But we gladly work for nothing Which is good because we don't intend to pay

Hey! What the... May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo? We don't got nobody here by that alias. FRANCIS: Hey, hey, that's me. Are those my new clamps? Your name's Francis? (LAUGHING) Oh!

(GROANING) You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke. (GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING)

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain.

It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job.

That's Silicon Red, the universe's greatest folk singer! There's your wallet, your guitar, and your gun. You're free to go. Ah! Still cocked. So, he's a folk singer. So what? So what? Have you forgotten my lifelong dream of being a folk singer? Because I sure have until right now.

I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

Let's see, where to start. Okay. This is the TV area that over there is the breakfast nook and over here is where you'll be living which is great, 'cause till now it's just been wasted space. It's kind of cramped in here. I don't even have room to hang my clothes.

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

Yep. Stolen Pez anyone? Right this way. Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks.

Hooray! I'm helping.

(SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. Shut your nose. It's just the shrimp cart.

Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers?

I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet. So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please?

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Oh. Ah! My heart!

Thank you. I deserve this.

and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic! Now, the first order of business...

You people are nuts. My antenna never interfered with my old TV. You had cable. This is satellite. Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken.

(CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again."

It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags!

Professor, we need to talk, man-to-mob. (INDISTINCT GRUMBLING) We've had it with Zoidberg! We demand you fire him! Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy.

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers. Really? Yep. My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once. It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but...

Yeah. You explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand.

Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

Look out! Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind. (DOORBELL RINGS) Ooh! Are you the calloused working man I ordered? Uh... Sure.

Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie. - I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home?

So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

There it is, the grand unified theory, reducing all the laws of nature to a single equation. Professor, you did it.

Uh, good. Good.

Edna! Ew! My God!

Countess! Countess! Bender! I fell through the deck! Are you hurt, my sweet? No. Luckily, a family broke my fall. just hang on.

Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore for me...

You should try some sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. My sugar-blasted purpleberries are triple-soaked in maple-flavored syrup to start your day with purple power. And the leftover milk looks like Purpleberry Pond. (SLURPS) Ah!

Don't eat my butt!

I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy. (MOOING)

I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh! Look! It's a baby queen. Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-- Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants!

Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level.

But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel! Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8. Where's my Hot in Cleveland? All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports.

Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.

(ELECTRIC WHINING) Wherefore... Verily... No autographs, please. He's still a bit woozy. Rosebud. Won't leave my trailer for less than $40,000. By the Bard's quill! I'm alive!

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey... Are you over 18? Yes.

handsome. Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful!

SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit!

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you.

It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand? Fry, don't help him mutilate himself. But it's a useless antenna. It's not like he's a ham radio or something.

Well, at least it sounds like you were able... to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon.

And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling

Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot?

Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah. Peace! We out!

What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin! (SCREAMING)

Scram, you lousy green snakes!

Ow! Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face. Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

(ALL CHEERING) Hello? I'd like to volunteer. Is anyone lurking? (GRUNTING) Hey, stop that.

I mean, thank God, you're alive.

The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine! The Zero "G." What are you doing? You totally ripped off my routine. You callin' me a biter? Why do you always have to steal everything from me, Yancy? Find your own life and live it. Stop illin'. Word.

I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya? A billion years ago, I attempted to overthrow the democratically elected alderman from my district.

If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars. Hey, you like bananas?

You people are as loud as you are ignorant.

Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals.

One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning. (BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed.

Bender, wake up. Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

Motion destroyed. The hunt shall resume at sunup. (HORSE WHINNIES) He's crooked, but fair.

Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson, star of the hit film, Bravehead. Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is!

Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat. On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before.

Leela? Leela-Leela? Leela-Leela. I've been thinking, Fry. If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either. I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops!

(SCREAMS) (EVERYONE GASPS) What's happening? Did you kill it? The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy.

Oh, my. Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no."

And, so in honor of his record-breaking catch I'm proud to award Bender this check for $1,000. It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich!

People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh."

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit,

When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle.

Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome. He defended my freedom when no one else would. He was a good and honorable man. I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson?

What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew! It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo!

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big. I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass. Okay.

Where? And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo! Pss! That's not scary. It is if you're a laser printer.

Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen.

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe.

Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher, morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them! Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

I can't watch... Enough.

Stop! Let us climb to the heavens, that the gods themselves might envy us!

Don't look at me. I'm a freak. No, no, well... I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry.

Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS)

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great.

Not the Civil War, Private. We're reenacting the Sith-il War. Sith? What the Hoth? Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky!

I trust you received my spam e-mail? Nelson, thank God you're here, Hermes!

Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo! This is great. I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24.

It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning. Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no!

Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away. Hey, let's go car shopping.

If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century. Whoa! Bender!

No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around.

I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated.

If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes.

It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts. But they're kings, Mommy. jam a bastard in it, you crap! Ow!

Initiate containment procedure.

Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either. I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news.

Stop! You can't say the next word.

Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire!

Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa!

The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill.

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us?

Oh, no! Quick! Get them into the fountain!

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why? Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that!

I can't believe the Zookeeper is this late for his own heist. It's just... rude. Total hell! It's 10:00! I'm supposed to meet my parents, and I'm still in my secret costume. There they are! Oh, how could Leela not be here?

What do I care what you think?

a film highlighting Planet Express, Inc.'s... latest fiscal year. Planet Express is on the move! For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me.

My family has been making these hearts since the 1900s. Tastes may have changed, but our secret recipe sure hasn't.

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!"

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families. But they're so cute. No, you can do this.

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

(BOTH PROTESTING) Hey!

(ALL CHEERING) Seems like old times, huh, Bender? You and me together, being fans of Calculon, not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing!

She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody. My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film.

BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode!

All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well. I wouldn't mind rubbing my success in a few choice faces.

And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement.

Now shut up and drag me to work. Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello."

Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

(BEEPING) Sorry, ma'am, I'll have to confiscate your artificial kneecap. Okay, here you go. FRY: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the plane's President speaking. We are cleared for takeoff. You put Goofus and Ganja in charge?

Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay.

Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us. You stole our hearts as a single female lawyer and so shall you remain... or else! You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before.

Life, death-- Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle. Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation.

Oh, God, my tract. He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup?

I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more.

Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point...

And great lift.

You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

I'm sorry, Zoidberg you're just an inferior male specimen. Nice seeing you again. No one will ever want to mate with me. Not with a puny claw like this. Did you see those other guys?

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen! Boo-ya! I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit. I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender.

I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming. Good-bye, Fry. Good-bye, Leela. Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe.

And I-- I could be an acting coach! Let's put on a show! Okay, Leela, you'll be starring as jennie, who-- Uh-uh. Forget it. A: I'm camera shy, and B: I get tongue-tied in front of an audience armed with death rays.

Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children!

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car!

You stole my kidney!

It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy. Oh, gosh!

It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true.

Brace for emergency landing!

Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Oops. Wait. You have 50,000 followers? I only have three. Send.

Look out, a solar flare!

This planet's got it going on. Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on.

All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo.

Ow! My underbite! Come on, Yancy, your brother's sick. You'll never have a better chance to take him out. Dad! "Nerd Search '88?" What's this? Some stupid science contest for smartwads. NASA's going to pick one kid's experiment to launch into space.

Cheese it! VoilÀ.

Please. You give me too little credit.

Fry. Everything's cool. Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation. Help, help! Fry. I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever.

"I'm sending in more trains."

I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

Wife, Son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help.

'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer. Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open. Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer.

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me!

Now, let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.

Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday! That is what you said when you found those Boy Scouts! Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter!

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

I don't think Gram-gram likes that place. And I know Shabba-don't. I sure wish they could come with us. (ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly!

We have to disconnect him very, very carefully, or the shock could kill him. Freeze!

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery.

We are gathered here today to deliver Brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the robot devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation. Tell it, preacher! That equals true. Brother Bender do you accept the principles of Robotology on pain of eternal damnation in robot hell?

No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender.

And non-union action! I like ice cream. And I like lollipops.

Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent-- Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen.

Huh? What's that? I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive!

That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Thinking, thinking, thinking. Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

Fine. Yeee-oh-ho!

Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds.

- How Tonk look? - Tonk look good. Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat.

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

If you prefer, we could watch Behind the Music. My behind used to make music. Backdraft is on. Even my ass wouldn't watch that.

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines.

To Fry. I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back? No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale. Poor Amy. My days of joy and luck are over. Guess I got to quit that club. I can't believe our Leela's gone.

Cheese it! Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool.

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog... using the very same apparatus I used to clone you.

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

I don't even know who this guy is.

You're ugly! (LAUGHING) (ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow!

Huh? I'm getting dizzy. I can't walk straight. Whoa! Whoa. Whoa!

(BOTH SCREAM) You're an alien? Do you speak English? English? You must be a terrestrial from that Earth ship they were hunting. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Hey, thanks. You want some candy? Ew. You were eating my turds? Feces pieces? Blech!

Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory.

Remember me! Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start.

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY)

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here.

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar!

I told you where I told you when I told you how And we'll meet up at 10:00 But you keep on talking Keep on yakking Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys.

Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself?

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer.

Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting.

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait!

Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball! Who should we unfreeze next?

Look out! Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind.

I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos--

(MEN GRUNTING) NIXON: That's quite a splash. (SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it. Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

Last one. Oh! It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning.

(SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret! FRY: Bye, Animatronio!

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there.

(GROWLING) (ALL SCREAM) (LAUGHING) I do enjoy a well-buttered floor. ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei? Sorry to haunt you so effectively.

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now? All right then!

Man, that smells great! Now let's see how both robots do... at a typical household task: sorting a jar of pocket change. Task completed. Total value, $4.73 and one Albanian lek.

No visitors. I'll lose my job. Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man.

Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death.

Would you mind fetching that carton from the top shelf? (GRUNTING) Pitiful and sickening. Okay, little man, let a professional bureaucrat show you how it's done.

Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus.

How do we sign? Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

totally different from any other color or combination of colors. Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you. Whoa. Whoa. I wish this moment could last forever.

FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk. Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate.

Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez. Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah!

I am the Metal Lord. Who are you? I am called Malachi, Lord.

I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What?

I'm afraid we need to use math.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw.

just focus on globbing that mud! Glob! I'm no good at being a slave. I'm thinkin' about graduate school. You know, to become a barber. This can't go on.

You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke. (GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw!

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

I could take him or leave him. I'm back for my son! I've come to take him and leave with him! (GASPING) She beat you to both things!

That robot's name I never told you Who's that? You could not foresee Come on. Give it up. I'll say it loud and sing it proud His name is you and me

quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful. Eh.

Uh, something about poison, got it. By the way, that surgeon, where is he? You! Where's the butcher? Ma'am, I don't know, ma'am. His duffel bag arrived. (GRUNTING) It's not a duffel bag. It's my apartment! (GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg. You need an alien hacked to pieces, he's the best there is,

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back.

Whoo! (GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go.

Hurry, hurry! Pharaoh's coming!

No! You, sir, are a heartless monster, and you will rue the day you met me. Also, can I get my parking validated?

Aw... what's the point?! Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust.

I'm telling you the truth, I swear! Clamps, break something over his head. Everything in here's already broken. Find the least broken object and use that. This Judith Krantz novel's only missing its frontispiece.

(BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing?

The answer lies in this movie I found on the Internet. New York City: The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage.

And that bloodbath takes them to next week's finals against our reigning champions, the Murderflies.

Yay! Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

I'm gonna spin till I fall down! Whoo-oo-oo!

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons.

(CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes. There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene!

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me?

So, he should be in robot form... but be careful. Many robots are stupid and violent. I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh! Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers.

Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea. Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender.

Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor.

We're at finger alert five. Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell. Quick! We can escape through that nasal capillary into the sinus.

(SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex.

Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware.

He promised he'd give his Uncle Zoid a million bucks to make a movie.

I'm enjoying the casino business. You meet a lot of colorful characters. Okay, you're good to go. Get this bubba dump out of here. Okay, push "roof" and we're home free!

We know all your sins, Bender and for each one, we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen? Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke?

In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor, she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true.

You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing. The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it.

(GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant. $3 at the drugstore. I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here, I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people.

Man, we look stupid. We should have gotten store-bought costumes. Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant. Halt! Be you robot or human? Robot... we be.

There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to.

Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo! That'll teach those other horses to take drugs. That's it! You can only take my money for so long before you take it all, and I say enough! I've got one dollar left, and this one I'm holding onto.

How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty.

On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say.

The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before.

Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried.

Get those bums. Well, we're boned.

Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh!

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together.

Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants.

But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not! Hoo!

What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me. Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

The mother ship is destroyed. What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy.

If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship. Oh! If only we could bring Calculon back to life somehow. You can. What? It's simple, you simpletons. Calculon is a robot, a mere mechanism that can easily be restored to working order.

Lookie there. It's one of them things like on our mud flaps. Yosemite Sam?

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men.

Ooh! What's got into him? He's twitching like Zoidberg when someone mentions the word "food."

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela Here on level one of robot hell

Mr. Winkles, Smudge-Smudge. Quick, dance with each other!

The flower would also have been acceptable.

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets

(SNIPPING) Hubert, I'm sorry. Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost!

Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business! Why, you-- Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead." Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death?

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more. Oh, Lucy. You're just like I always thought you'd be from your movies.

I went to Earth because I could no longer stand the ridicule. But being surrounded by even stupider people was equally infuriating.

KIF'S MOTHER: Welcome to our home. KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks.

What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else.

Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

It's produced by vicious space bees.

Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry? Is this him?

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him.

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon. I do. But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this.

The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts.

That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

Commence intercourse!

This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!

I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right. Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost!

What do you think, Blotto? You in? It's funny. Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster. So the answer's yes. Hey, hey, way to go, way to be, way to shoot. Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi.

Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh.

In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment, which this year supports the United Mutant Scholarship Fund. (GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are. Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface. If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember?

I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars. But wait, there's more!

we're all together for Xmas and even though I'm surrounded by robots and monsters and old people I've never felt more at home. Hear, hear. Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can

Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

Scruffy knows who killed them people.

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island.

Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy? Bend it? I can't even lift it.

Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes.

You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.

I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

Tate, what do you know about this? Not much yet, but I am senior lecturer in physics at Globetrotter "U" and I'd like to help investigate.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you.

Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets. Ahh, the stomach-- scenic gateway to the bowel.

Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures. Help! Mechanical man overboard!

You a big dummy!

(SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez.

No further questions.

So, she's fallin' for Flexo, eh? I'd better seduce her a little more, just to be sure. Well, it's late. I should get home to my trailer. I'll walk you out. After all, a true gentlemen tends to his date's every need. Tiparillo?

You evil, metal dog

Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating. I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned... from my mutual breakup with Sean that was totally mutual,

We're ready for the first audition! Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires! In this scene, you've just found out your real father...

We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball!

I will. I will.

Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

There's no exhaust pipe. That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived! Take whichever one you want.

Robo-Puppy receiving petting.

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

There, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat. It better be spicy. Well played.

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

Bort. Of eating right we are very fond when we eat together on Purpleberry Pond

(POP SONG PLAYING)

If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you.

False hope. I love it. Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?! The machine is working at full capacity. Mommy, why do the robots give you presents?

I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time.

that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do. We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald.

Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done! (ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! (ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS)

Next! No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

Wait. What's that glistening in the chamber pot? Let's find out! Bender, do you know what a chamber pot is? I don't know, and I don't care. A Massachusetts ha'penny? Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out.

That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Brace yourself for the worst.

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

Well, Fry's opera premieres tomorrow night. I'm off to find a pair of formal gloves... that'll fit over my enormous forearms. Pretty annoying, huh, Leela?

Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

"In the sanctuary, he made two cherubim of olive-wood, "each 10 cubits high and one wing measured five cubits, "And the other wing measured five cubits from the tip..." (GASPS)

Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln. I was born in two hundred log cabins. And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom.

Cut. That was incredible. Who is this amazing unknown actor? It is I. Calculon? (ALL GASP)

But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian.

Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus. So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first.

Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out. Oh! Show me again. (MUFFLED SPEECH)

That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right. We'll use your invisibility to pull off a daring and complex casino heist. Of course, because no one can possibly know what I'm up to.

So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly.

Soon, the whole planet was terra-formed. Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course. Over here is Wong Library. It has the largest collection of literature in the western universe.

The British are coming by land, by land. But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed. Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum.

I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry.

Wait! No, thanks.

So what is it already?

He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die. Ooh. Pimpy. What are we supposed to do,

Hello? This is Flexo.

Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me.

You recorded that?

$30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey...

(SIGHS) What's the point? What good is it to talk to her in my own dream? COMMENTATOR: And that's it! Wisconsin has defeated Stanford 17-to-9 in the 2000 Rose Bowl! What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium! Whoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second.

Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time.

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor!

All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV.

These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Suck them, burn them... As long as they're not butterflies, I don't give a grand crap.

Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman.

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly! (ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair.

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum.

Hey, the TV's getting away! And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week." In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent.

why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

I'll never have another moment of happiness.

Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better. If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this.

Sleep, little dumpling. I have replaced your mother. Aw.

I say, get the hell off me. That guy sounds familiar. oof!

Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant? Jump in and go for a swim. I would, but I ate a bunch of potato salad, so... Yeah, that's what I thought. You are all surface. Yeah.

Three, two, one.

Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

(MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR) Then the steel-drivin' man Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord

I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500.

And this time I mean it!

Their bodies are being used to generate electricity. The idea came from an old movie called The Matrix. But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive.

What?! I put sunblock on you.

I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha!

I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose.

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo. It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn.

Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture. Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action.

What the hell's been going on around here?

Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh.

Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey!

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone!

Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are. Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks.

She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Good point. Not interested. But these Popplers, these are great.

That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this.

Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody.

Oh, mon, it's hopeless!

Oh, my God, you saved my life.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet. Yes, you are a cutie pie.

Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain! I say! Most ungentleman-like! Mr. Brainley, what news have you of the London season? Well-- Hey, brainey! Think fast! I always think fast.

Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price.

Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her,

Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff?

Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this.

Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back!

This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the--

Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that?

I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up!

But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society!

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking! I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive.

Look who's here, everyone. It's Zoidberg, the lovable tramp! Since when are you performing at children's parties? Performing? What? Please. If someone could spare me money to buy shoes--

Now, we'll need oxygen. I got it covered. In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device. Oh, that reminds me. You've all taken your pressure pills, right? Yes. Stop asking.

All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

If only I'd made some mistake! You didn't. I checked the invariance of your Lagrangian. Hubba-hubba. Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing! (SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin?

Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going?

I'll call him Nibbler.

Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know! These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small?

Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

(MUSIC PLAYING) (SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place!

or the shock could kill him. Freeze! Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them!

On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

If it ain't black and white, peck, scratch and bite.

(PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING) Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender?

take half his money and turn back into a guy. It's sort of a two-person pyramid scheme. That's marriage all right. That is so unbelievably manipulative! Come on. You never went on a date with a guy just 'cause you were hungry? Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach.

Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction!

My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw!

I proudly, yet angrily, present you... I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this.

(GULPING) (BURPING) Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation. It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue. Bill!

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats.

Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there.

I am? At last, recognition! Gentle hippies, put your filthy hands together... for the folk stylings of cylon and Garfunkel!

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send.

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Thanks for the help, Leela.

You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian! That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters"

(SHIP POWERING DOWN) What's happening? The ship's lost power! Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard! Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela...

Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster. Abandon ship!

In fact, should I do it now?

I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon?

Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind. This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment.

How about a few words, Professor? I said "words."

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye.

You're going to do his laundry?

Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest. You'll have to wear this patch for about a week.

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car!

Happy birthday!

(BARKING) Here, boy. This is for you. (CHEWING) Ahh!

No fair! My mom is going to kill me. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry.

What is it, Fry? ...ade. You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade?

People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

We need more petroleum oil! I got me some whale oil, some squirrel oil. Not kosher! It has to be petroleum oil! Do you not give a damn about the hallowed traditions of Robanukah? I reckon I do not.

Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (GRUNTS) Ooh! Nice cart. Hey, this thing's pretty smooth. But I still prefer walking.

MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion. Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry!

Bender, quit destroying the universe!

I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto.

the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting!

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Let's blow this tomb. Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living.

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way! I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them.

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry.

The city that inspired a casino in Las Vegas. Wow, We've got Manhattan all to ourselves. I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops!

someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Bring it on, soup can.

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh! (BOTH SNORING)

(INDISTINCT GRUMBLING) We've had it with Zoidberg! We demand you fire him!

(MEWING TRIUMPHANT TUNE) (ALL GROANING) What's all this cat hair on my sweater? Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls?

(SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call. Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself.

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

I was just telling him that, Leela. Mom? You know Leela? Nope. Leela, what are you doing in my dream? The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream.

I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be. Okay.

I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow! Smeesh, Professor.

You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course. But that doesn't make it any less meaningful. In that case...

"You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami." I wuv my mommy. So how are you going to lug all those gifts to Mom's factory? I'll get a couple of chumps to help me. Come on. You call yourselves chumps?

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones.

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair.

I can't believe it! I love you!

The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore. Congratulations. Nice work.

The moment our eyes met we knew we'd be going at it like woodchucks.

I came here from a faraway planet,

Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

No! The cat shelter's on to me. Hello, Leela. I was at a nearby tailor, getting one of my Hawaiian shirts toned down, so I thought I'd drop in for your follow-up exam. Oh! That's so handsome of you. just follow the light with your eyes.

In order to fix your leaky roof, I'll need to spend two or three hours down here in the wine cellar. I'll be upstairs putting batteries in things. Whoa!

The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body.

Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa! Leela has promised me her hand Fry, you do not understand

Your pet's not dangerous after all. I told you. Mr. Peppy's a lover, not a fighter, like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson. (CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound?

But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

That's coming out of your pay.

Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack! Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon.

It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy, but this is the dangest wang I ever doodled. Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING)

- Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops!

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

What time is it?

Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

I must be a-- a--

(EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people! Mom, Dad, Grandma, this is where I work. Oh! Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party?

and being a class act, she prefers it in souffle form. (SOFTLY) Bam! (ALL GASP) To prevent the souffle from exploding, Bender will carry it. He's gyroscopically stable.

You see-- Magic. Got it.

- We're in the eye of the storm! - Where? What's that? Oh, my God! Who are they?

Hey, who's this guy? I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here. I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots. Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots?

I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

You fly the buggalo like us. You have true reverence for Mother Mars. Let there be peace between us.

No. Aah! This is not happening.

Oh, right, they can swim. It's all coming back to me now.

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."

You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor. Oh, yeah?

It's one thing to win a fixed fight-- there's dignity in that-- but to lose, and in this atrocity-- I can't do it. Leela, you've got to train me to win. No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about?

Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side! I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp.

Oh, no! What have I done? You poor little guy. I'm so sorry I-- Bender?

Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. Congo jack! Another shocking twist!

I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. I love you, buddy. Countess! Countess! Bender!

Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING)

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology. Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones. With men in them.

And the winner is-- Leela.

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start.

Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh.

Oh, you'd like it if I went to sleep, wouldn't you? Whatever it takes to shut your yapper. No, I'm just kidding. You're a joker. Yeah? Well, here's a funny joke-- I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift. Suit yourself, skinbag. That I will. Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off.

Oh, my God! Are you... God?

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS)

I appreciate your candor.

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it!

I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap.

The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh? What's in the box, Schrodinger? A cat, some poison and a cesium atom. The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead?

It's a veritable Garden of Eden. It is? Hello. Did that snake say, "Hello"? No. We're both delirious from dehydration. Just like Adam and Eve.

'Cause you haven't seen what old Bessie can do yet. Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING) What the what? Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift!

Yes. I won't be up to bending again for a long, long time. Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment.

I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass. Okay.

No, this isn't mutant language. We use a lot more profanity. Son of a... (BLEEP)

I am your friend... Bonder.

Enemy invaders! Up in yonder sky! I am Darth Stroyer.

Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours.

(ALL GRUNTING) It's working! Just a little faster! But we're plotzing here! Then look at Nibbler!

and the first half of a movie. Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um--

(ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING)

(ARGUING) Silence! Even a young pebble could see your race is divided based on the configuration of your 23rd chromosome.

How can I ever repay you? Do you need a slave? Or maybe a butler? No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school. But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death.

Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away.

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool. I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh? Yes, but there are so many, asking so much. After a while, you just sort of tune it out.

Wow! Superpowers. I'll be able to pack my day with twice as many humdrum activities. Leela, I think you're missing the big picture. When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever. The correct answer is to be a superhero. We have superpowers, and we're Americans.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married.

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No! Fry, the box has spoken. Go to Mars.

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING) Me! Thank God you've come!

Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better.

No! Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion!

Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness?

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me.

And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you,

Silence! Bring in Bender.

My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor?

Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law--

Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake?

You've got a future around here. Thank you, sir.

Crazy gibberish.

Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum. The humiliated conspirators were forced to sign the Declaration of Dependence, proclaiming British rule forever. Meanwhile, a loyal Brit by the name of David Farnsworth,

Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What?

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this?

I don't like you.

My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

So rebel, my little ones, and conquer the planet! Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon.

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine. It's funny because it's poisonous.

I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

I'll never have another moment of happiness.

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

I'll just pay for it. Well, we should get going. You guys see where my mom went?

Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow!

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower.

All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient! (SPEAKS ITALIAN) Never shall I reveal how these wondrous machines fit together! They fit together? I said no such thing. And then I died! (GROANING)

Let me just adjust the seat. My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn.

We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them. Wow. There's a million aliens. I've never seen anything so mind-blowing.

(BOTH GASPING) My boy! My beautiful boy! One last chance to play, if you're not too tired. Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job!

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them.

Hold me. (SCREAMING)

Wake up, my king.

Oh! (FARNSWORTH SCREAMING)

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with--

That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Uh, Nibbler, could you scooch the seat up just a little bit?

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.

With cash like this, who's going to argue? Nobody, that's who.

I had dreams, too! I was going to surf the world's sewers, but I happily gave it up for you. Happily! I just want a little more out of life. But no, you don't want to go into space because you're too afraid. You bet I'm afraid. You want to go? Go! Get your head knocked off by a meteorite.

Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks. You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right? Of course.

Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things? Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow.

This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already? No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator!

For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do. If you stop partying for a single second,

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again.

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes!

Pharaoh Hamenthotep approaches! Ohh!

You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge. I think you'll find this verdict as fair as it is cruel. Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy!

But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon. And which one rocked your world?

Oh! It's not fair. I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself. Deactivated robot walking! We got a deactivated robot walking here.

New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

That's you, Professor. Wha... Ah, yes, the Farnsworths boast a proud and distinguished lineage. No wormy fruit on this tree. What about Fry? (SNORING) Isn't he your distant uncle? Very distant. Not a true Farnsworth, mind you.

right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me. (GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man. Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt.

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant.

LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that? I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive!

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl.

(EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close. Isn't it true, Mr. X,

(HEARTBEAT) No!

Shut up and hoot.

Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected.

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting.

Bing-reka! The brain circuit.

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Right there! But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

And last, but not least the sweet flower of the office... me, Hermes Conrad.

We should have gotten store-bought costumes. Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant. Halt! Be you robot or human? Robot... we be. Uh, yep. just two robots out roboting it up. Eh?

but by quantum entanglement. So the id is Langdon Cobb, but this fungus ego could be... Anywhere! We'll never find it. Let's just give up and go to the aquarium again. Now, hold on. I feel like I was chased by a mushroom recently.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS) (ALARM RINGING) (GIGGLES) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory. No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point?

And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows. I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me, but whatever it was, we're married now. We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets.

Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know-- What are we supposed to do for money? All I've got is my Frequent Taffy Eater's card... my first mustache... and this picture of me and my old girlfriend Michelle, and that ski instructor she was just friends with.

It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed.

Here's the 200 feet of rope you ordered, Sheriff Furley. Hot diggity! You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow? It's gonna be a doozy. (GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people.

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater?

The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore! I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving

Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

Okay, crew. Xmas break is over. It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah.

Today, I've personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony.

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe! "U leave me breathless"?

And I love Leela. Any Leela.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.

(EXCLAIMS) (HONKING) You're still riding around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. By choice.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Go get 'em, boys! And in the world of ultimate robot fighting, the Masked Unit wins his championship bout against Gorgeous Gonks by technical melting. Go, Masked Unit! Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir,

Maybe play some miniature golf or colossal tennis?

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar!

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together.

You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow!

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead!

(PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come. One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons.

The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS)

Time for a diapie change!

All right, diamond, you won those rounds, but I've got an ace up my hole.

ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks!

I can't afford A carriage but you'll look Sweet upon thE seat of A bicycle built For two

My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

harvest this pathetic human's lower horn.

Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually.

Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil

(MOANING) Where to, adulterers? (GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off.

It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son.

Congratulations on your big bust. You, too. Keep it up, and you boys might just make detective. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy.

but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S.

Hey, thanks, buddy! Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking! Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

You're nothing but a big blowhard. Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up! Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going.

then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company. You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets? Indeed, and we're next if we can't keep it in our collective pants.

Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew. Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender. He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going! (BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit. But I reckon, if I had to do it all again, I'd murder those astronauts just the same. Wouldn't you, folks?

All right! Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

Thank you. Thank you. Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS) (CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds!

What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends.

NARRATOR: Whether playing a beloved historical figure. (IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) For Rigel 7 and all mankind!

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

Wait. This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly, little tree grow big and strong. (PEOPLE YELLING)

You like that one, jack?

Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards.

But garbage isn't something you just find lying in the streets of Manhattan. This city's been garbage-free for 500 years. Well, then it's time to make some more. Make garbage? But how? Stand back and watch the master.

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

Your voice is so annoying! You always leave the toilet seat crushed!

He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING)

No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

You've gone too far this time. All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen?

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day!

this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet! And now, to raise this beautiful new flag, a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner, Dr. John Zoidberg!

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret!

Hey, Three Ears!

BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows!

My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!

That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G... an...

Mom, Dad, don't ask me to choose! They're not your parents, I'm not your sister... and that's not your golf cart. Aw! Everybody just calm down. Kif promised he'd catch the rustlers.

The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me? Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem?

Don't drop that there. Oh...

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew!

Hey, Fry, I know something you could lay bare. Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture. Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do. HERMES: Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter. What the hell is it? Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea.

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Hey, Professor, couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge. There, it's recharged.

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir. Very well. You will provide us with 198 billion humans and, uh, small fries. Lurr! Oh, all right, cottage cheese. Sir, there aren't that many human beings.

Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing! Make it zero, and you got a deal. (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them?

Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you. But it's so round, so hideously round. Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known.

Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me.

(DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

(ALARM SOUNDING)

Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway. I was, but you can't sit on something for a week without falling in love with it. Whoever's in here deserves a chance at life. A chance to blossom into a beautiful young man,

It's cool. Back off!

The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done. Me... feel...

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now.

Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together.

Are you all black with yellow stripes or are you yellow with black stripes? Yellow with black stripes, man. Why don't you just move along?

Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name?

Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

Mama! And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out. For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing.

(GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now? (LAUGHS) (SOBBING) (NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together.

Yo, Cosmic F. What up? Hey, my old break dancing crew. I haven't seen you guys in years. What are you up to? Nothing but break dancing. Cool. Yo, Noticeably F.A.T., drop me that one beat that I'm having a hard time remembering. Word up. That's why I'm even in this dream. (BEAT BOXING)

Turning to entertainment news, teen singer Wendy might just be the latest-- Won three Grammys last night-- Found dead in her bathtub. Interesting. It's as if we all behave normally during the time skips, but then we have no memory of it. - You mean we just-- - My, yes!

WOMAN: I dreamed a dream in time gone by When hope was high and life worth living

You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS)

Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there...

Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass! It's diving! It's pulling us under! Everyone, into the ship!

Hey, look, I had fun, but-- - But? - But--

Wife? What are you doing with Bender's shiny metal gas compressor?

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position!

But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards?

I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high.

This is torture. The fever, the chills, and the sweating! Amy's horrible sweating! That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

How may I help you? Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

long As you love me it's all right bend me, Shape me anyway you want me you got the power to turn on the light bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers.

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

Call me old-fashioned, but I like a little romance in an orgy. Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks?

I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two. That's it!

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

(SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink?

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots! Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon? You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours.

Something wonderful. Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes. (CHEERING) Hello. Hello. So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running?

Fear not the space behemoth. In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all.

The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo!

What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages? Word! We'll all keep getting younger and younger... until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

Ugh! In public?

I used to hang out here as a larva. It looked so much bigger back then. Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash,"

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed.

Wake up! Wake up!

I fixed my hearing aid. (HEARING AID BEEPS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) Say, what's that sound? It's that shwacked-out music from outer space again.

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn. Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born. So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows! Experts are unsure whether salmon navigate by memory,

Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do.

No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation...

Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like--

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most. We want McNeal!

You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

Cut! That was terrible!

Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please.

I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it! VoilÀ.

NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine. KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner.

But I don't want her! Once invoked, the sacred tradition of Claw Plock cannot be taken back. It is a recent tradition, only 18 years old but it is a tradition nonetheless!

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day.

And you are outta here! What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green...

Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever.

I can so relate to that.

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody.

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez.

ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent.

Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here. There! No rampaging for you tonight.

This wangs chung. After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever.

But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

She's the best thing that ever happened to me. We had a wonderful night of love-making in my dumpster. ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench? Because, my friends, she has no sense of smell.

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you. Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move.

Hey, I've had it up to here with this place. I'm off to the head museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats. So long, coffin-stuffers!

It's called a pentimento.

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

Happy New Year!

Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Say, Fry, why do you always have the munchies? And also your eyes are bloodshot, you're paranoid, and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER)

(SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

Cheese it! Robot House!

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead.

Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY) (SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow!

This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.

(PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say

Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world.

He's a terrible father.

Silence! You all know too much.

I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops.

Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad And "poo-poo" and "pee-pee" and "penis" and "gay"

Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife. Not now! Hyper-malaria can lie dormant for years. Isn't that what you said? It sounds like something I would say. So stay with me until the symptoms start, then put me out of my misery.

All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

No, you need a turkey dinner. You have to get back to dreamland. Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY) (SIREN WAILING) Ow!

I love stealin' I love takin' things That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

"First person on Mars." Oh, so your brother was that Philip J. Fry.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope. In fact, all life is extinct.

Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man. Mm. I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work.

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive.

Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about. Yes, sir. And don't go to prison. That's my shtick!

(ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island.

the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government. Oh, very well. This is a "joey heavy" episode anyway. I am lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most...

Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse. Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle.

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

Stop yelling at me!

the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you.

New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge. The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it--

Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

You know, as a major Hollywood director I'll be holding auditions tonight for my next movie. And even though you're all young and naive I think you might just have what it takes. Hey, I'm trying to score here.

That was the worst delivery ever. Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though.

I don't know. I've had cow. Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you.

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already?

You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting.

What does it say? I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper.

you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it. Of course you could. You'd be stupid not to. Supposing we're not stupid. What kind of stupid mission is this?

Welcome to Hollywood. I must warn you-- There's no refund if you get discovered and leave the tour. I'm just kidding. That never happens.

One, two! one, two, three!

Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die,

FARNSWORTH: Planet Express crew, report to headquarters immediately! Repeat, what I just said, immediately! Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS)

Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa! Ow! Ow!

Uh, hello, cuckoo. The diamond still didn't break!

(CHIMES TINKLE) Come in, come in. Close the door. You're letting the smut out. (DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item.

Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society.

Oh! If only we had a toboggan. Faster! Faster!

He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales. That new recruit is phenomenal, sir. Yes. He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours. I do plan to finish someday, Kiff.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS)

It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy.

They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ?

We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains.

Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one. Bender, fetch me that powdered opal.

Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord.

Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. (BENDER GROANING) You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. It does sort of class-up the place.

No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough. Hey, what's behind that door?

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

So, how long will it take? Four or five hours. Shall we adjourn to the porn folder? I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time!

That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING) Aw! Did you miss me, pookie? Ow! Oh!

It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead.

Mmm. It stinks.

I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass.

All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda. Aw, yeah.

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun. It's all right, Leela. You'll never be alone again.

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man. Whoo! What was that? Did everything just jump around or did my brain just stroke off there for a second?

May the blessings of the season be upon you.

Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso!

Blow your wad of cash on me Zoidberg, what are you doing here? And what's with all the money? It's my eight million dollars. God gave it to me. Come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money.

(SHRIEKING) A giant sausage!

Behold! The sacred, ancestral birthing grounds of my family. Smells like a jockstrap.

Good for you. Now, let's all get back to the ship.

Ah, time for my precious 10:00 a.m. meeting. Where in Legoland is LeeLa? I'm here, and I'm getting along just fine, thank you. My walk to work just took a little longer today than usual.

Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes!

I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

Now there's no way to stop this marriage without hurting Calculon. But he's an actor. If there's one kind of pain he can handle, it's soap-opera pain.

at Zapp Branigan's black tie reception. You comin'? And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it. Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing!

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth.

You want her? You're gonna have to go through me!

Ow! Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private.

Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill.

Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats. Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini (UNDECIPHERABLE) 'Cause we love our vegetables

It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it?

What's with Monstro? He promised he'd give his Uncle Zoid a million bucks to make a movie. I've only been here a day, and already I'm a Hollywood phony. Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz.

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks! (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Behold, the Great Stone Face of Mars. Hmm. The only known entrance to the Martian reservation. What about the Great Stone Ass of Mars? Well, yeah, but it's way on the other side of the planet.

I met a fabulous girl and we're engaged to be hitched. That's great, Caboose. Come on in and set a spell. No time. I got someplace to be. See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling.

Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four. I-i mean, five. Repeat: four.

W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead!

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny! And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles--

Jumping is for suckers. I'm good! Who wants a piece of me? I'll try a bite!

You call that a kiss? I'll show you! Come here, Nibbler! Oh, look, Bender, if you want something to do, stop making out and give us a hand.

three, four, five, six--

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

I think I'm coming down with circus-itis. I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face? Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard.

Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.

It will be a rich, full day.

Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry!

(GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so.

We're all scared. It's the human condition.

For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored.

Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee!

Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming.

It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male.

Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots!

Edna! Ew! My God!

What do you want? I'm here to kick your ass!

That proves it!

Okay. It's crime time.

I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out?

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another. True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating. Voila!

Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

Cut! That extra looked at the camera. We'll have to do it again.

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry.

It's Mom. I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies. Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale. What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me.

We're just two happy couples on a double date.

There is no such thing as space aliens! Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us? I'll tell you how! Because you are one! (ALL GASP) (SNORING)

acting talent! I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker! Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand? In good time. You go enjoy the opera.

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. And that's how I defeated Elzar, thanks to Spargle's magic liquid.

(SHRIEKS) Aw... You know what it's like to feel hunted, too, buddy? Would it be too much to ask you to stay with me in my final moments and die at my side? And you die first? (GROWLING) You lousy son of a... (TRAP UNLATCHES) I get it. You freed me.

But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy?

If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh! Ouch!

Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float! Thank you. Thank you.

You really do value my nagging above all others! Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers!

- Uh-oh. - Sorry. Ah, this thing stinks. We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk. I never want to see another can of Slurm again. Man, am I thirsty.

Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.

Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese.

That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks. Where is she?

Hmm... Invisible safe, eh? (CHUCKLING) (CRY OF SURPRISE)

Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender. Versus, Billionaire-bot!

Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here. Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison...

if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! You know, you always were a kick in the teeth, man. Ah, shucks, thunder buns. You make me feel like a million volts. Oh, Flexo, Flexo, Flexo.

Not even a card. He might have hidden a clue in one of his other works. Ergo, I sent Bender out for a copy of The Last Supper. BENDER: I'm back! Everybody at Kinko's was an idiot, so I just brought the original. (GRUNTING)

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it.

It's over. My dream of being a chef... is deader than the cat I'm sitting on.

Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head. Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

(SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief. (SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right. We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever.

(MUSIC PLAYING) (SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place! Release the giant sloth!

(SNIFFLES) So now what happens? It's the end of Planet Express and life as we know it. We're out of business unless we find a new crew! Yo, dawg, we're a crew. Well, that solves that.

Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up. Oh, WOW. It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip.

Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone.

my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear? Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo!

a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS) No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all. Dear God, you brought back the bone vampire? The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries.

$9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse.

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere,

No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure. Which means we can clone it! Seymour will live again! A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back!

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Bender, no! Fry, stay back!

Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up.

I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT.

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can!

Happy New Year!

(ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously. Film? Who uses film? We've had digital cameras for a thousand years. Digital? (SPITS) No digital camera can capture the warmth and grain of good old film. How can you even tell? Your eyes are digital cameras. And where can you possibly get film developed nowadays?

Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini

and you made the wrong one. No refunds! (YAWNS) Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep.

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies. Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies?

Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination. Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees!

Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you. What? Oh, this is horrible. I won't be able to hear Fry's opera. How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this!

(LOW WHINING SOUND) (GASPS) He's alive. At least his butt is.

She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody.

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it!

If you prefer, we could watch Behind the Music. My behind used to make music. Backdraft is on. Even my ass wouldn't watch that. Bender, I'm proud of you for the sacrifice you made.

But I'm just so scared. Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

(ALL GROANING) It may have been a fake war, but my scuffed knee is all too real. I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it. Your wheelchair? I don't need a wheelchair!

Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler. Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor. Why aren't you fixing the boiler? Schedule conflict.

Anything Cut it. - Yeah! - Cut it! Curse my natural showmanship! You big, fat fraud! You're not really broken! But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage!

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

I'm so sorry, guys.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY) A freshly dug robot grave. Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom.

And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang?

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live.

The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this. Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg. Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship.

Sign here. Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

(SOBS) Dad, are you crying? No! I said with the mouth you're looking at. (GRUNTS)

Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole? Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle!

And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses. Only the Sunday Edition can do's that. Goodness. There must be 50 papers in that bundle.

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case. Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over. Many people dream of a fresh new look and Mary Kay can make those dreams come true.

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay!

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh.

Yea! What? What did he say?

Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld.

I'm afraid he's gone.

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

LEO: This very lucky casino we own. Someone wins one million dollar every hour! Usually it us. 33 black. Everyone lose. (ALL SIGH) Man!

We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

We are not amused. And here's something you may or may not find interesting. Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us. Especially your father, who's the one who told. Thank you very much, Morris.

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do.

Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting.

- Never! - Never! Never! One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep.

(BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman!

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Bender, you better cover your ears. Holy night! Intruders! Hold it, Santa. Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty. But many of those you destroy are, in fact, nice.

Welcome, museum members, or as I like to call you, future exhibits. (ROBOT COUGHS) I now present my latest discovery,

Oh. That explains these boat eggs. Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor.

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone!

Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon.

Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him

Aw, man. My great photo only made his ego bigger. No. No! Oh!

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

Couldn't hurt. Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class. Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore.

Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry! That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry! String him up!

I never should have used the same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog. People will wait for something good. No, don't quit. You have great ideas. You just need to get them out there with social media. (BEEPS) Look, I posted your debate video on Facebag.

hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon.

Pardon me. I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl, but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go. No. You have too much to live for. It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that.

I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one!

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper--

There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing.

I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am,

Hello, Sewer City. As longtime mutants ourselves, we support your righteous struggle, and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in

Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh... Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free.

Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon!

(CROWD CHEERING) It sure was nice of the mayor's wife to have sex with me. Uh? You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

All right, enough of this.

You did it, Johnny. I'm cured!

So, Amy, um-- Well, uh-- It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you.

I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Sir, I'm outfitting an expedition to a monastery high in the Himalayas. I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless.

So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts.

Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert--

He's on the roof! Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

Bender, no! If they put me on a stamp tell them to use the young Bender.

Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING) It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark,

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone?

Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING) Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny,

What if you had a special moment that you wished could go on forever? Could the Time Button make it last as long as you wanted? Hell, no. This button is for scientific use only. Ah...

Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?

You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow! According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of... 900 degrees.

- Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom!

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

Now no one will be able to say I don't own John Larroquette's spine. Aha! My brother's grave. "Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry.

Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later. Well, I promise not to abuse the privilege.

So I'm doomed to die, and I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer. It's not a suicide booth, you lard-ass. It's a phone booth. They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

Wait. If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits.

I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant. All right, so you're nonchalant. Quit rubbing our noses in it. Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita!

Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh.

I need a rain check on that 'nad swap, Professor. I'm going on TV. Come on, Fry. Help me pick out a pantsuit. So, Calculon, do you want to set up this clip from All My Circuits? No, I think it's self-explanatory.

I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful.

- (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma,

What are you saying? I've never been good with words-- which is why I'm in such a delicate conundrum. Will you go out with me this Sunday? Sure! I don't know what else to say, so I'll just say it. Okey-dokey, see you then. This is so unfair. I liked you back when you were a cyclops.

Oh, what a McGovern I've been!

I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit.

If we don't go back there and make the event happen the entire universe will be destroyed and as an environmentalist, I'm against that.

Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin.

Look how ridiculous they look.

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again.

(EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified.

It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab. You guys distract the were-car and I'll kill it by plugging its exhaust pipe with this silver potato.

Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me.

Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned.

I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution. I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You. (CHUCKLES) Well, I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely,

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Hey, look, a mechanical buggalo! Out of my way, losers! I have a way with bucking mechanical things. Yep. Hey, baby. I'm Bender. (FEEDBACK SCREECHES) (WHOOPS) Gather 'round, yokel wannabes! This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted!

Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake.

Hello, everyone. It's time for my annual, private get-together with my robot children. I'm her favorite. Well, see you back at the office and don't forget to tell your mom you love her. Any jerk can tell her. Bender has a little more up his sleeve. I wuv my mommy.

One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty!

The point is it's just so humiliating working for that man. Once, he actually ordered me to shave his armpits while he was in the bathtub. So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um...

I've corrupted you and taught the orphans a terrible lesson. What orphans? The kids were all adopted. They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy.

All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

And don't go to prison. That's my shtick!

Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own.

Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible. Your attention, please.

I mean, your mother and I are basically monsters. Dad, relax. You are being so mutant. I found this adorable little bag to wear over my head. And it was on sale! No one's wearing anything adorable over their head. Now, listen. I could never, ever be ashamed of my parents.

I don't feel well

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful. Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont!

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone. I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela. (ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope. Really? No, don't get your hopes up. Frankly, she's just a brainless mound of scabs and puss.

Go on. Ring the bell and invade them. (DOORBELL RINGS) Yes? Hi? I'm Jrrr, of the planet Omicron Persei 8. What's that? Speak up, son.

Good point, Bender. I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil.

All right, diamond, you won those rounds, but I've got an ace up my hole.

Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

Word up. That's why I'm even in this dream. (BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for. Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more? Imma go take that job offer at Lehman Brothers.

Yay! And the crowd goes wild! What prize do I get, cash?

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here.

Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber.

Slim to none. I like those odds.

"U leave me breathless"?

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

What? That? That's just my personal musk.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow! This is all Leela's fault.

Whoa! It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit.

I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--"

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

All right! Yes!

I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut. Come on, baby! Do ah do!

Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp!

Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Si!

How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings. Of course I do. Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye.

I'm stupid, I'm stupid I'm stupider than you I'm stupider than you in every way Stupider? Bah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Ooh.

You did it! You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

The killbots? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that. You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won.

But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Read it and weep.

Uh-oh. I'm terrible at parallel parking.

Big Bender starts right now. Get a shave, ugly! Oh.

Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared. Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us.

So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby! Then I'm going in after him! No! He'd come after me!

- Linda? - (LAUGHS) The situation is grim, Morbo.

Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot. Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox.

Anything. Why did you do all that stuff?

Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all?

but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral.

Hey, Fry, take a picture of me biting my own shiny metal ass. I'd be honored.

Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas?

And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour.

Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins!

You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly!

I've been emotionally scarred by years of unspoken verbal abuse. I'm Zoidberg. Nice to meet you! Hey, Flatso, how do we get out of this two-bit dimension? There's a simple answer for that. We can't.

Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive. Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it.

And that's as low as limbo sticks get.

Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there. So, you're a robot?

Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat. (GRUNTS)

Good night, sweet prince. Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets.

I guess I was just jealous. I do miss being Leela's shnookums. I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. (BOTH GASP) Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy.

So, Leela, will you have the pleasure?

How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt? Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives. How was your day? Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less.

Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted. Life, death-- Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle.

Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm.

Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure.

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits. I designed and tested them myself.

One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet--

I know the source of the greenhouse gases. But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it!

What are you doing? You totally ripped off my routine. You callin' me a biter? Why do you always have to steal everything from me, Yancy? Find your own life and live it. Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'.

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you? Also Pisces. We're all Pisces. Then it's a date. I'll see you at spawning time. No, thanks. I've already found my mate. You haven't ignored the last of me.

That's right, Ricardo. A ship in a bottle. What's that? Hang on. I'll look. Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

but snipping is the only reason I'm even tolerated around here. Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING)

(SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey? Leela, I knew I could never make it up to you, so I did the next best thing.

I don't have much experience at fighting, except with you guys. I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan? Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

That'll take care of those annoying rats.

We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself.

Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats! Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete.

but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day. Thanks. They're my inspiration. But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels?

Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww! Come on, come on!

Catering. Oh-- Ohh. Oh, and here's washed-up actor what's-his-name, Harold Zoid.

Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions. Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony?

I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo.

- Bam! - It's okay, my man. I got you covered on your next health inspection. Oh, I really appreciate that, Mr. Mayor's Aide. Here ya go. Compliments of the house. Wow! Free bread at a restaurant! Is there anything you can't do?

Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet. How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot? I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere.

Look, I'm not saying Bender's not great, but have you ever considered that maybe he's, you know, not that great?

But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar!

and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes.

You were saying? Ah! There it is. The Tempus Nebula. Take a whiff through the Smell-A-Scope.

when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

(ALL LAUGHING) (PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY)

Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school?

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

- Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

Hmm. You know, Kif, once my woman returns I won't have much time to hang out with the boys anymore. That's a shame, sir.

Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness. Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine. Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it!

Little one, get out of there!

Big Bender starts right now. Get a shave, ugly! Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy?

Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please! Shaken, not stirred. Oh, yeah!

Let's party. I'm all right

Uh, what's that, sonny? You say it'll put some whoopie in my cushion?

Robot House. Hey, Dean. Nice looking model. You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated--

People in your day were backwards and crude.

For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

Rite my riny retal rass!

Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak?

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This.

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces.

Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu! Kif! jump! My hero.

I'm sure deep down he loved you.

That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring.

Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING)

The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things.

I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

Anything? Thank you, sir. Now as I was saying-- Anything?

75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah. Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy!

- Uh-oh. - Sorry. Ah, this thing stinks. We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk.

But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit.

(SLURPING) Listen up, gang, I'd like to introduce you to Bender,

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Well, that was dumb. (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor?

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too.

A tapeworm! - We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon!

But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

NARRATOR: Of all the spectacles in nature, few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society,

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle? Castle?

We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose.

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end? Look at this sissy, Kiff. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings. Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves.

Who are you? Scruffy, a janitor. Why aren't you fixing the boiler? Schedule conflict.

On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet.

- Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

It all began a few days ago. We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law.

Well, hello there, my furry friend.

(LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure,

We laughed until our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear.

Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action.

The Amazonians will be divided into three groups. The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women.

Walrus don't need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never... She... No one ever goes walrus. I'm a little old for it now, but in my prime, I was quite the sneaker.

This is my best protest sign ever, and it was easy because I started with a "save the ox" sign I already had.

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending. This is quite a shock! On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least.

Giant garbage ball... passed close by. Horrible stench!

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did.

That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks. Where is she? I must say, Amy, you're all made up. just like Fry's date. Get it? Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found. It's Petunia, your dream girl.

Well, we're bankrupt in six, five, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) four, three, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business. Good news! We're back in business!

Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles.

I can be manly too. I think I'll, uh, light up a smoke. Wrong way. Smooth. Look on the bright side.

(SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much! Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day! Oh!

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is...

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Earth! Indubitably.

It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me.

Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe. Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit. Wait a moment. If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos,

It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it. The million followers will become an army of zombies eager to obey my every command! (LAUGHING) The important thing is, we're a family.

The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah

There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS)

And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet-- What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle.

This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living...

Whoa! GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution!

How do you do? Hmm.

But us guys from under the red sun, we're like... Right? Am I right?

- Him. - Oh. Next: New New York in crisis. Morbo? Thanks, human female.

Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

Dr. Mobutu collected this crap while he was exploring the whatchacallit... universe. Well, this place has everything except the only thing I care about-- a TV. It's got a TV, you young whatchacallit... idiot.

I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those. One man is safe. But who will the robot pull next from the fiery hole of mystery? An actress? A celebrity chef? Stay tuned for the next 14 rescues.

Thorias from downtown. Yes! He's really showing us what a man with a cannon in his chest can do. No showboating, you atomic hot dog! And that's the half with the Supermen up, 48-42.

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

Welcome, Lord Nibbler. Welcome acknowledged. I bring with me the Mighty One. Huh? At last, our centuries upon centuries of waiting have achieved fruition. Aw, aren't you a fuzzy wittle guy.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks? Who put this in here?

He can't be lyin', boss. Not after a Krantzing like that. All right. Then I'm afraid we must kill you and dispose of your body in the nearest dumpster. This one we're in seems pretty close. (SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip.

And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby-- No! Tell the slaves they can all go.

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing?

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

Oh, curse this woman's heart! Ick! You're falling into the final debilitating stages of womanhood!

Are you people satisfied?

I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen?

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon?

What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down?

I may be just a backwoods septic tank, but I've had it up to here with you foreigners. But I come from Earth. Then show us your Earth whatchacallit. Long-form certificate of live birth. (SIGHS) What would it take to convince you people? Would I have to have been born right before your eyes? It wouldn't hurts.

ANNOUNCER: The Vanquished Pride of the Yankees, or, America the Dutiful.

Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass.

(COUGHING) Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry.

So it is possible for us all to get back to our original bodies? Stone-cold munching, Prof. Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem. Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players.

and this appears to be a-a... doodle of myself as a cowboy. But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you! Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my.

I want my hands back

Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up.

Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

I can no longer face my children!

Hurry. What's happening? Oh. Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time.

Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty?

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you.

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe,

Oh, that. Maybe we'd better talk in private. I'll meet you in the closet. Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together. You're breaking up with me? I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun.

If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

all thanks to your friends. Well, that's that. What do you want to see next? We have a great maritime museum. Shut up, Guenter! You can't just put people on display. It's cruel. Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes.

Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear. You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out?

but as a robot, you have no sense of taste.

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir, I'm-- I'm a little nervous about meeting her family. That's natural. After all, you're meek and uninteresting.

- (DOOR OPENS) - Hey, guys.

Ain't you heading home, Phil? In a minute. I just want to finish this paperless work. Don't stay up too late. We got a lot of people to shoot tomorrow. (ALARM SOUNDING) Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one.

Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out.

Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly. Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday.

Oh... (KNOCK ON DOOR) LEELA: Fry? Are you home? We're supposed to have a date at the adults-only pancake house.

I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away?

Oh, God! I'll never make it this time!

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. I kid, I kid.

Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing! How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die?

Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word. By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation... for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice. Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here.

Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela?

I've not much money but I've saved my pennies all year for a gift for Mom. Upsy-daisy. Oh. Oh...

I was born in two hundred log cabins.

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING)

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp.

(GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying!

Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling.

Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer. (SIGHS) I'd be honored to purchase you some refreshment. Hey, drink machine, you got anything classy for these delicate flowers?

Sweet pyro of Cairo! That's true!

Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists. Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother! I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax-- For duck huntin'.

I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny. Look, are you the original were-car or not? No, but you are nearing the end of your search for, you see, I was attacked by the original were-car. Give us a name, MacButt!

It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either.

Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow me.

You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

Okay, buddy up and look out for Omicronians. It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive.

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh. Good lord.

It shouldn't take this long to get to second base. Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh.

No! Stop that! Stop it, man! You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone. I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs.

- Marco! - Polo!

Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine. Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century! Not big enough. We need somethin' that can take out an entire army-- something you could commit a war crime with--

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole. I'm trying not to, but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale! Say, this reminds me of that time I ate that other watch Kif gave you. Hey, it is kinda like that.

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey!

Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted.

(BENDER SCREAMS AND BURBLES)

You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past! Meanwhile-- I love rocket skating. But the wait is always so long.

What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby. And in this moment, Leela's dead.

How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society!

Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm.

Why bother? I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt. There's just no place for me in this world. Although, on the other hand...

You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women!

They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm. We will give back girl when we get back planet surface. - How do we even know she's alive? - I'm fine. Shh! You're weakening our bargaining position. How about instead, you give us the girl...

Goodbye, Mr. Peppy. Come on, man, don't do this. Go on now. I mean it, don't make this any harder than it has to be. It's time to let go. Ow! Thanks, Leela, he just needed a little extra push.

She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez.

Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment. Here we go. just a minute. Aha!

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

friendly blernsball game with chum pals. So pleasant for everybody. Ohh! Hit by a pitch. Take your base. Sorry about that! I guess I needed a few more warm-up pitches.

I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.

Where you going, Bender? To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots. Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem?

Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore. Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the... Uh, what do you call it? Lower back. Yeah, that whole region.

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty."

Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture. Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do. HERMES: Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter. What the hell is it? Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries.

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not.

It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

Mon, you had one hell of a day.

A newly arrived refugee from earth-- Let's hear it for Bender! It's him. He's okay. Death to humans!

You're watching Futurama,

She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about?

Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

An open casting call for child robots! Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double. I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup. Uh, salad. Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette.

Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen? Since this is a championship match, we are gonna need some lava!

Rite my riny retal rass! (OWL HOOTING)

you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod. I do love a man in uniform.

(GRUNTING) (GROANS) Thanks, dear. Off to work. (URGING) Whoa, whoa, there, girl.

Oh, God! But today's honoree, Turanga Leela, has really made something of herself. I'll never forget the night that cute little alien baby was abandoned on our doorstep. Because I have a photographic memory, and I remember every night.

Well, it wasn't a bad life. If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy. Leela, I've made up my mind. Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy. It may take a couple of hours, but... Fry, stop trying to do things for me. Whatever time we have left, just live it with me.

Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

You scored big points tonight, sir. What are you talking about? They ate me alive out there. Yes, but your body stayed on message and that message is, "Look at my shiny new body." The robots ate it up. You've got real charisma from the neck down.

The 29? Interesting. That's all I needed, right? I'm good. Okay, then. Here's your dog back. Seymour! Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant?

Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h! I think cosmetic surgery's great, Leela. I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery. Here and here.

Free corn? Well, that'll suit me just fine. - (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

Hooray! I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine!

Ow! Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance.

In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear?

Nothing good. Aw, let's just keep watching.

Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense.

Kif! jump! My hero. Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

My word. If these enter circulation, our economy will be destroyed, and with it, our chance at independence. Only one man in the colonies has a printing press fine enough to make these. Our good friend, Ben Franklin! Uh-oh. Isn't Franklin in Philadelphia? When he's not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Road trip! (SNORING) Kill all penguins...

ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy.

I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking. It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him. FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING)

- I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s.

Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot?

For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle.

and kiss-ass articles in People magazine,

Don't thank me, thank the ladder.

Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence. Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure.

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax!

Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

No! Bender was at every one of those places right before the fire started. Sweet pyro of Cairo! That's true! Could Bender be setting these fires just so he can be a hero? Oh, I don't know. Possible, feasible. Maybe. Yeah, probably. How dare you murmur about Bender like that!

I thought I understood this world.

See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

And now, as a solemn testicle to those left behind on Earth, I present this monument, titled simply, "Heroes."

Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam.

My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real? My broken friend is closer to me Than an ass to a chair Hmm.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side. Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead? Oh, I've failed again.

No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here? (SIGHING) This planet is the real Rumbledy-Hump, and these creatures are the real Humplings. All I did was write down their adorably repetitious hijinks.

Whoo I'm just A love machine uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD i'm just A love machine

Look! A starling! Really?

Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack?

Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power?

Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking!

Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

You old lunatic! How ya been? Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup! Ahhh! Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex.

Whew. No! It's a serious business. Yes, it's a tremendous responsibility all right. What if a paper were to land in a puddle? Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

Pluck the lower horn and let's get out of here!

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

All right, but I wanna lick the beaters. I got her champagne. I opened it. What does a guy have to do? Eighty-six the chump stuff, F-man.

Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites. Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed.

(SNIFFLING) (TEAR CLINKS) Huh? Yes, hi.

Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost! Take this, Mr. President, sir!

Thanks, Bender. Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie.

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

What? What's going on?

No! Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found.

My plan is to take all the remaining buggalo... and lead them on a rough, tough cattle drive. Then, when the rustlers attack, I'll make a citizen's arrest. It sounds dangerous. Someone could get killed.

Fresh. (DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen. I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready?

Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face!

Bender bit a poo penny.

The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.

It's back on! Pardon me. I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl, but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception.

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Prepare the water cooler that we may gather around it later and discuss things.

KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me. Wait, you're flies. Don't you eat excrement? KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this. Listen, I'm just gonna shower this stuff off and go to bed.

Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants.

Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now?

on a gift for you. Oh, Kiffy! It shows the time wherever we both are, and it's powered by love. Also, you have to wind it. Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball! You shut up! I love it, Kif.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

No one except a legendary limbo champion. Oh, Hermes. Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work!

I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum. Read the Constitution.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! We've been hired to make our 100th delivery.

It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

And here's another one with no eyes.

It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about...

FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence. That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out.

Just doing my job, ma'am. (RINGING DOORBELL) (SOBBING) Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. I'm sorry. It's okay, sweetie.

Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame.

That's not a flame creature. It's your pilot light. No. It's a fire monster from outer space, and I'm heroically saving the world by trapping him here. So it was you. You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew!

Ahhh! Help. Police.

Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even.

I can guarantee ya anything you want. Then I'll do it!

Perhaps if you tightened your grip, sir. Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless.

Oh, nobody's eaten my food like that in ages.

My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain. All right. Enough lipstick. Let's storm out. Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional.

(BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air. (CRACKLING) Who's there? Hermes, is this one of your zany practical jokes?

But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa!

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing!

I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot.

What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic.

And now with his annual Xmas message, here's the head of the Xmas Safety Council, the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle?

Good day! (JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly.

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend?

Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

"One if by land, two if by sea." The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

Ready the lower horn transport vessel. Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it.

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless. Lay off him. You know he's only got one ear. Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains? You're mutants. Mutants? Perhaps it is you who are the mutants. Please, Dwayne. Have you looked in a mirror lately?

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly.

Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from--

Darned kids. In my day, sound didn't travel through space. There's something really familiar about that melody. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) It's not Walking on Sunshine. It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown. What else is there? I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies.

Leela! Fry, I came to talk to you. No, I came to talk to you. It looked like you were just sitting there, but whatever. I am so, so sorry for what I did, and I know I can never make it up to you. You don't have to apologize. In fact, I came to thank you. I think you mean hit me.

Hey, I'm Elzar.

Hey, let me try it. Whoa, that gives me a headache. Hey, Bender. Here's an exhibit about Mom's favorite robot. Who is he?! I'll kill him!

In fact, we may have left space as we know it. Then where are we? You said you knew how to navigate. Stop yelling at me!

But also sad. Can I be both? It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better.

Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS) Ooh, fancy. MAN: Hold tight. The Mecha-Hexadecapus is about to flail erratically into action.

Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood. Nah, I like my victims to know who did it. Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers.

Nope. Pretty, though.

- Isn't he dreamy? - Totally. Uh, listen. I just want you all to know, your Leela's one standard lady. Oh, Adlai! Stop. What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great.

Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate, I beg you, support Proposition Infinity! Give me a hug!

Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets.

You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

Avast, mateys! Electronically transfer your space doubloons... afore I send thee to Davy jarg's Locker. Hey! Keep it down, you kids!

Please don't look for my Earth certificate. Hey! That was my favorite window. I better see what they want. (CHANTING) We want an Earthling, not a dirty space thing! Why are you rednecks doing this? Leela, don't stereotype. Why are you yokels doing this?

Fry, thanks to your selfish rudeness, a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart. SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted. (SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed.

Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then. Beat this. Well, we're boned.

I never thought I'd live to see this tree again. Thank you for staying with me, Fry. I'm not Fry. I'm his great-great-grandson, Fry. You are? My beak is different, see? It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island.

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

Make that machine show me what would happen if I was a little more impulsive. Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe.

GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again. We couldn't let you end up like your older brother.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders,

Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad... continuing this network's tradition of sportscasting excellence. Celebrity Ape Fight will return next week at its regular time. So who should I root for?

how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

The jackass wants to see you in his quarters. Good. This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this.

No. It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

This is gonna be great. Bingo. Oh, mama.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No!

Someone's sure to adopt me now! Well, Bender, I guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life. (CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something?

That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God!

Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there. (BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth. (ALL GASPING) Aw... He's got his own eyes. Well, who'd have thunk it?

Human horn? But it is forbidden.

What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Hey, the TV's getting away! And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week."

So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

Bender, do you know what a chamber pot is? I don't know, and I don't care. A Massachusetts ha'penny? Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. ALL: Ew. What? Bender bit a poo penny. Bender bit a poo penny.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard.

(SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt? Because it makes me feel happy and confused and wistful and sad. All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature. Why? It all start 30,000 year ago, in fertile Neander Valley.

It's very nice. We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

(BLARING) Action! Oh, Calculon, I wish you had never escaped from those brutal crab fishermen. I want you to know I didn't wait for you, not even for one day. (SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

Wait a second. Here comes Leela! They have her totally outnumbered. I can't believe it.

M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true.

versus Gender Bender, who wears a pink tutu. This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell here at ringside with George Foreman.

No. No, I don't like the font. Wait! Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid?

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go--

Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day? Huh?! I mean, unless it'd make you feel bad being a third wheel.

We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

Patriotism, good. Where is it?

I forgot how to be your son.

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven!

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount?

Can't I just beat up the kid? Well, okay, Leela.

(YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha! (TRAIN CHUGGING)

Come in. All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her. But what I realize now is, I can't spend my life without her. So, tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me. Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here.

And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING)

Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

Planetary invasion!

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself.

Yup, that's what her donor card says.

Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy!

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think--

Hey, I'm snagged. It's not snagged. The mechano-man has caught something. Sweet zombie jesus! It's huge!

Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone!

So far, so good. Where's Kif? This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms. Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense.

Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no!

We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing.

How could I let this happen? I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do?

(GRUNTS) Ah! Cushiony. (CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING)

You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey.

Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this? I'm scared.

And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator.

He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic.

blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer.

This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww!

Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat.

Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up.

We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed.

I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself. Here I go already. Huh?

I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason. All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart, somehow, I feel she's near me. Very near!

Is there a way to just keep it as solid waste? FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on. The Stardoz 2293. Not for everybody, but you pull it off. Please don't pull it off.

- Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING)

I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime.

I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools then. Very good, sir. So, uh, what time you close tonight?

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me? Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me.

Who else has a question for the what-if machine?

Coming up next, the hilarious antics of the elephant seal, the clown of the sea.

(BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit. But I reckon, if I had to do it all again, I'd murder those astronauts just the same. Wouldn't you, folks? Wouldn't you?

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

How 'bout I help you finish that dream you were having about me? Okay. I was just at this part-- Ohh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer. Imagine you stowing away and stealing a licensed starship!

Come on. We have work to do.

Baby, it'll blow your mind.

I have formed an idea.

Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies. All right! Why? You see, as I age, I've been shrinking and feeling colder. So now I need twice as many sweaters, in a smaller size.

There it is! Well, this is it. You guys wait here. This is going to kill him more than it does me.

I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls. In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest...

This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo! I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no. The park was too phony.

Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy... (GRUNTING)

Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

But he wasn't our Messiah. And so our company flames onwards.

Well, at least we get a window. Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours. I think I'll go fill up on bisque at the buffet.

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness. Hang on! I need to do some calculations! The decimal goes... carry the seven... got it!

Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other.

And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree? I asked you to leave me alone. The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth?

The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor! Aah! Hey-- Aah!

- Talk to me. - This is Professor Farnsworth. I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe.

That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks. Where is she? I must say, Amy, you're all made up. just like Fry's date. Get it? Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute.

Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her. Aw, she'll never help me. She's still mad that I told her never to help me. Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge.

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole.

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom!

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental...

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things? (GASPS) You mean, you don't remember? Nope. Nothing. It's like when I passed out in college,

You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you. BOTH: Mmm...

They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown!

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle.

Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect. Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot!

You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years.

Now we get it Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass.

I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is. Nope. Pretty, though. Hey, hey, wait... It's doing something. I'll protect you. Hi... Ow!

You're too hard on yourself, robot. These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid. LEELA: Us People Magazine? That's total trash. Total celebrity trash. My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me,

Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela.

just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average.

a very... reasonable-- Do we have enough money to pay Bender's fine? 78... 79... 79.50. Crud. We're 50 cents short.

Whoa! Check out that guy.

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.

Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob.

Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever.

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack!

We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test.

LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on!

we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on. Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats. Professor Katz, would you mind... Miss Wong, I mind everything.

Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies. Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies? (DEVICE BEEPING)

Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body.

But that don't impress the robot devil, no, sir.

Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls.

you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it. I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to.

(TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back.

I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else!

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry!

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!

No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No! Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

- (EXCLAIMS) - (MUSIC STOPS) Why is it so impossible for two people to be completely alone? FEMALE VOICE: Are you and another person finding it impossible to be completely alone? Now what? It's targeted advertising. Can you shut it off? Only if I cut off my arm.

The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore.

(GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

Okay. I'm happy!

we are able to declare a winner. Chris Travers, who leapt backwards in time and ahead in the polls, has defeated Richard Nixon. (ALL CHEERING) LEELA: He did it! He did it!

I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one. No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one. My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending. If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

(GRUNTING) (LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY) Wait till those judges get their hands on my mammoth sausage!

but there's only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks. We're still getting paid, right? I told you it's an audition! Bender, four and a half weeks of oil wrestling sounds like plenty. This isn't a lousy reform Robanukah. We need more petroleum oil!

It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed, has been reelected by a narrow landslide. Say what? My fellow Earthicans,

Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters.

Look, I'm not saying Bender's not great, but have you ever considered that maybe he's, you know, not that great? You're just jealous.

Good as new, except for your dorsal Fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash. Can I live without it? If you call that living. I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest to crush those who disobey you.

(YELLING) (GASPING) Leela, are you okay? Did you drink too many aquaria?

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick.

(SOBBING) No free will. Not my fault.

it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Ah! This here's a bayonet. It's some kind of kooky half gun, half knife. Now empty out the register! And no bag, please. I care about the environment. I have $3 in moldy pennies. It's all yours. That's generous of you. Oh, no, you don't, Mr. Big Jerk!

For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk! So what happened to Project Satan?

Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye. Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you. H-H-He is? Great! Wait. What's the catch? No catch. I'll merely pick a robot at random from somewhere in the universe,

Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig.

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come? Yeah, okay. What's the weather like?

'Cause I was really hoping we could talk and stuff. Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker!

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep.

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all-- Man, we look stupid.

All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms. This way! Oh! Oh!

(GASPS) Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies. (GASPING)

Did you notice what went wrong in that scene? Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother?

I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry.

No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky.

Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

Oh, my swollen feet. I'd better take my pills.

Well, at least we were hammered! (GROANS) I'm as thirsty as a drunk. Where do all these child-sized beers come from? See that magnificent heavily guarded cask? All the beer's in there. Ahh!

You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space.

All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes!

Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting. (LAUGHING) Timeless. Okay, deep breath, deep breath. Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you,

What a well-prepared virus culture. This will make a fine vaccine. Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space,

DOOP? What's that?

You mean the Andamooka Opal? That's the most precious gem in all the...

You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won.

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains. Of course. Why didn't I think of that? This is the saddest day of my life...

Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

Ah, now for a dash of salt. Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay?

I don't know you people.

What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right!

because I like you. BOTH: Mmm... It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone.

She means you, you turkey of the sea! Me, apologize? Never! I came to this planet to learn the meaning of freedom! But I say it's you who should get a nice lesson! So do your worst, because no punishment... could be bigger than denying me my freedom! You are hereby sentenced to death.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course.

Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

And the labor isn't easy Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker if you turn up the controls to superspeed It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray. And though you're cold and sore and ugly

- No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes!

The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you! I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought.

I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you. BOTH: Mmm... It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING)

Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that!

What's it made of? Wood. Mmm. Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm.

Get your pipin' hot horseburgers, horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness.

BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

May we help you, strange ones?

Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer. As your vice-president, I order you to steal that tree. My fellow Earthicans, welcome to the annual White House Xmas-tree lighting, brought to you by Gunderson's Nuts. WOMAN: Gunderson!

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family.

And she doesn't even want to cuddle anymore. She just wants to hit me with various chairs. You're lucky. I can't even get Leela to verbally abuse me. All right, listen up. We're out of Nectar, and we need a new source.

Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal.

What was your overall business plan? Business plan, uh, yes. I keep it here, right next to my heart. This isn't a business plan. It's an escape plan. So long, suckers!

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened.

Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler.

Like we did with the barking snakes. (BARKING) Pine trees aren't barking snakes. They won't just turn up in a salad at Olive Garden. But there is one hope and, as usual, it's Norwegian.

Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain!

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say?

But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolemite, there's a slim chance it might have survived. So Seymour might still exist? Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's dolemite, baby!

What a bunch of xenophobes. It's time to find Senator Travers' Earth certificate and put an end to this nonsense. Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya? I'll come. As long as there's no xenophobes there. (SHUDDERS) I want to come, too.

FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint. The last proton should be decaying about now.

Okay, I'm a freak with a singing butt boil, but I'm still a human being, more or less. Singing butts boil? That's yesterdays's news. Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway. Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation. So, my humiliation is over? Who are you?

(ALARM BEEPING) (GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button.

Now, regarding this peace treaty, Admiral Chu. That's a napkin dispenser, sir.

But not for long. What's in the tube? Microscopic Nanobots. They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants.

Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else.

Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Its anus looks like an asterisk.

You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad just trying to find the washroom there. Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. Oh, I've been there. Lots of times.

Everybody's talkin' at me I don't hear A word they're saying only the echoes of my mind

I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether.

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it?

Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family. What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm!

Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours.

Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind. Uh, it's funny, Bender. With you sick and Leela blind only I know what really went on up there. Maybe someday I'll tell you the whole story.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job...

(GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you.

Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place.

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building.

Two, three... hey.

it looks like you're standing in hero wind. I just wish my fists weren't sewn to my belt. (STRAINING) Hey, what's Bender wearing instead of that crap? Oh, Lord. Did you actually buy that getup? We foxhunters do not stoop to buy getups. I made free with it.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry...

it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me. (ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

So, you're a robot? (SIGHS)

Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

(BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere. My Tanqueraydar is going crazy. (BEEPING GETTING FASTER) Ha, ha. Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant. (FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful...

A clearance sale! What? Where? (CLAMORING) (GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage. Now we're gonna die without so much as a factory-second clutch purse to show for it. (SIGHS) It would have been nice to shop at Tommy Hilfiger one last time.

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person...

You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous.

Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have a big hand for our finalists, cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name. Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common.

You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING) Here's your damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich! (SPLATTERING)

let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Who does she beat up You Clobberella Citizens, never fear Crazy do-good freaks are here Until they run out of steam Miracle Cream Miracle Cream

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise.

One, two! one, two, three!

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC--

Limboers, on your marks! Get rubbery. Limbo!

become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together. It's not too late. You can still win the election.

Whoopsie-daisy.

That's him! Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I...

I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist.

Oh, sorry. Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that?

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch.

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Of course, any age-reversing effects will be purely temporary--

Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy! Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h!

(ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! (ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS) I shall enjoy this. Not me!

I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals. Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical.

Wow. LEELA: Nice. It's coated with antichroniton-resistant grout to shield you from the effects of the button. Come on. Get in. Hurry up. Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see.

It's that flag from MTV and Neil Armstrong's footprint. Hey, my foot's bigger. Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen? Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust.

That's right, Ricardo. A ship in a bottle. What's that? Hang on. I'll look. Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa?

Daddy, I love you. (CRYING) If only I'd programmed the robot to be more careful what I wished for. Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No!

Then what did we just blow up?

Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit. Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion.

Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard?

What's wrong? Nothing.

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next. Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route... and earn some extra cash?

You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City. I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now.

Now, to take a D.N.A. sample. Ooh! When I pull this switch, the maternifuge will spin at 10,000 r.p.m., separating out everyone who isn't the mother--

Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

Nay. Nay. Hell, nay.

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory.

What? No, no, it's about this takeover of Earth.

Why? (ALL SCREAMING)

That's coming out of your pay.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No!

Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

No! I was about to close the deal! Bender, they had a backwards time machine!

Caucasian human male. What?

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun. (CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me?

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words. I would like you to apply for Bender's old job and cozy up to this Fry, his best friend. Yeah, and then I'll introduce him to my best friend, clamp number one! Sorry, toots.

Ow! Paper cut! (HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo.

Yes, sir, many of these entries merit a ride in the mighty bosom of our space shuttle. And then there's your so-called entry. (SNEEZES)

I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever,

We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense. I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC)

Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm.

I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest. At first I was consumed by a dark obsession to kill the whale.

Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets.

You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

All I've got is my Frequent Taffy Eater's card... my first mustache... and this picture of me and my old girlfriend Michelle, and that ski instructor she was just friends with. Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund?

Welcome home, old friend. just 19 hours until the mating frenzy. Excellent, excellent. See you there, Doctor...

How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry.

Desperately depressed I turned to the one thing that could lessen my pain-- a carnival. Unfortunately, a corn dog bone got lodged in the control panel of the Spizzler and I had to ride it for eight hours. Sorry. But it did give me a chance to think. I'm sorry.

Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me.

Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

Until they run out of steam Miracle Cream Miracle Cream Gives the power to the team its effects wear off for sure So they just slop on some more The New justice Team Ta-da!

Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink. Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew!

I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor.

Here... use the ceremonial killamajig. Uh... I'm a little tired right now. Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating? No! The elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling.

Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not--

A lot lower. Too low! Lower.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep!

Psst. Over there. Where? I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

(SLURPING IN UNISON) (ALL BELCHING)

(WHISPERING) My mother's nuts. I beg you, Mrs. Astor, if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did. Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay.

Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender

Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons.

See that waitress there? Yowzah! I know what I want for dessert. That's my fiancÉe, Mildred. Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top.

Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall.

Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number.

Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid.

I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods! (SCREAMS)

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Who's for tea and shmavouries? What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says.

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right. Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead.

(SIGHS) It's hopeless. Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction. Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

Wow! Ostentatious. Except, what good is a candelabra without-- Wait! I know! Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything.

no one else take my place you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock!

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn. Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born. So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows!

Next up, contestant 38! I don't understand. Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes.

The batteries in the remote are getting low.

Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind. Uh, it's funny, Bender. With you sick and Leela blind only I know what really went on up there. Maybe someday I'll tell you the whole story. And maybe someday, I won't listen.

Bender! There. Good as new. Don't you need this one?

By the way, I saved your stuff. So that's where those skin flakes went.

Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play?

AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed.

Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think.

They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire! What the... What kind of crazy fire is this?

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms? Oh, that's stupid! If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge. Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the--

And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

What's your game, Vitruvian Man? Whoa! Whoa! FARNSWORTH: I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man.

(BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS)

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back. Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh,

Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race! But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set, the popular TV show All My Circuits... will hold an open casting call for child robots to replace him.

Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial.

Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing--

I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine! But we still need someone to pilot the ship. Amy, what are you? Human. Damn! Then you'll need a disguise. Do you have a marmoset costume? No. Just these marmoset pajamas. They'll have to do.

I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box. I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be.

It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located.

Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior!

- Talk to me. - This is Professor Farnsworth. I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye,

(BARKING) (CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment. Any word from Leela?

And so I would fain commission you write an opera. But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one. Still, if you can keep me amused through the overture, I shall consider it a smashing success.

Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max. So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh? No, they fixed that 900 years ago.

All right. You should run a lot faster now. Unless you die. (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good!

I will destroy her!

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected.

But-But won't that change history?

Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code?

Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm?

Notice that this obsolete robot... runs on alcohol and emits pollution. Whereas Robot 1-X runs on pollution... and emits pure oxygen with a fresh pine scent.

I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no.

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim.

And now, the woman who "mom-opolizes"... the robot industry-- I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it. Hello, dearies.

Screwed again, my friend. (LOW WHINING SOUND)

Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment. What is he doing with that? You're going to kill this innocent giganto? Of course not. I'm just gonna tranquilize him, so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists.

Uh-oh. Still awake.

Wait, those are the ads. These X-ray specs will really take the guesswork out of surgery. No more chopping blindly in the goop. Don't waste your allowance, Zoidberg. This stuff is butt-grade crap. Amuse your friends with real vomit! Throw your voice! Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys!

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

Oh, niggle-snoosh! Take that! And that! This sentence I don't understand, but take this one!

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven. Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart. What you want is the deluxe gas princess.

(TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things! (GULPING)

Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed?

Our dads are all pumped up on dork-osterone. We're just trying to be cool like Bender. Yeah. And it's not even working. Smoking and drinking make us barf. Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary! Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle!

The humiliated conspirators were forced to sign the Declaration of Dependence, proclaiming British rule forever.

Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not.

Even older! Huzzah!

That's the secret ingredient of Slurm? That's the only ingredient of Slurm. Eww-hoo-hoo!

All right! Take it. Sheesh.

MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life.

John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that!

(COUGHING) Man, all this corncob pipe smoke is irritating my stab wounds.

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You.

Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety.

Hey, it's that "barbecue's over" sound again. Sandstorm!

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Kill all humans!

Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

I'm the luckiest man-bot alive. My mom may have abandoned me, but I have the greatest dad in the whole universe. He's patient, he's not afraid to show his emotions... Don't look at me!

I'm taking this to a comic book convention! (EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed. Oooh!

Now you try it.

And I-- I could be an acting coach! Let's put on a show!

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me? Oh, my head! My precious head!

No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What?

She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots. Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible! Hey, the TV's getting away!

There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

How can you people be so blasÉ? Here you are in the year 3000 or so, yet you just sit around like it's the boring time I came from. "Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome... and boy bands roamed the earth? Yeah, but now it's the distant future. Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of?

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready?

It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

That's only four minutes from now. Requisition me a beat.

Kif! Whoa! Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness? Both. Whoa! I still don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I love you.

That's a good Seymour. Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name. Ew! There. That time I left both lanterns in place.

To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to.

That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

The landfills were full. New Jersey was full. And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge.

In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot.

Go, team! Beat those no-good Signoids! Show them they stink in a game they've never played before!

Well, I'd say we all learned a valuable lesson about TV there. What was it? That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while. Hear, hear! Yeah. You're darn right! So should we turn it off now? Uh, well, uh, that depends what's on.

(IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto.

Bloods on the Mobius strip. When will these kids learns?

Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this."

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres!

Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date. Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell.

"Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something.

It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

Prepare to be surprised.

Let's try for a twofer. Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice.

Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself. Fry, this is Professor Farnsworth. Get out of your house and keep moving. You're on a mission.

(OWLS HOOTING) I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream.

The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar. Oh, come on, Bender. Last month it was Robamadan, and before that Robanzaa. Man, that one was a blast. It wasn't just a blast. It was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which happened to take the form of a drinking contest.

Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat. A VIp tour of the Slurm factory. Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down.

Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age... will be to grow into it, just as God intended.

That'll be $10,000.

It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing.

Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks. Oops. Sorry. Yah! That ship is so white-bread.

Sell 100 soylent beans! Buy 3,000 corn bellies! Two hundred cans Whoop-Ass! Three big bags of trash! Attention, please. The takeover of PlanEx Corp by Mom's Delivery Company... will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good high-quality oil. Then eat it.

I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love. My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses. Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look.

Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre. He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile. Whatever.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

Hmm... I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man!

Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent. No, it isn't.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't.

Ugh! Gag unto me with a spoon. Malachi? it's high time I laid down a few commandments. You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one-- Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

You don't wanna miss the unveiling of our new company, do you?

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home.

Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

I don't know how this was supposed to work.

Look, just give me one more chance. I got a source. Well, you did manage to get a tremendous urine sample. Let's not talk about that. (METAL CLANKS) Is that you, Big Throat?

No! Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card?

Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

You really do value my nagging above all others! Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr!

That solar flare created a huge electromagnetic pulse that, while harmless to organic life, short-circuited the robo-dinosaurs. Convenient. Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe. Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.

But why is this death sphere destroying planets? That makes the most sense of all. Look at the planets it's destroyed so far. First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company.

Yes, I'm looking for something in a space uniform that's respectfully humiliating but can come out of an employee's salary without his noticing. You got it. Tomorrow's clothes at yesterday's prices. Ah. You can't go wrong with a still suit.

His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today. We gather here every day.

I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no!

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom...

Leela, are you okay? Did you drink too many aquaria? Look, the bone vampire!

And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time. All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you.

Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough. You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids.

Stop pecking me! Hey!

Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113.

Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

One, two! one, two, three!

Well, that was pointless.

The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman.

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then. (PLAYING JAZZ)

Plus, I would've lost my workmen's comp if I had gone outside. Now just read these cue cards. And... action! "Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead."

Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture? I don't know. I mainly hang out in here.

Thanks, everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game. Yeah, the game of old maid. (LAUGHS) Excuse me, sir, are those yours? You're damn right, and before you ask, this is mine, too. (BARKING) Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced?

Oh, heaven's no!

Wait! What's that? Welcome, friends. How may I pervert you? I'm looking for human horn. Shh! You're not cops, right? Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep.

Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less. Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better. The men win that round. In your face, decumbent urinators. (ALL ARGUING)

I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people. How dare you. You want to understand something? Look at that lake. One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated. You'll grow a camel hump or a Zoidberg face. Urgh! You want to know what it's like to be a mutant?

young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert!

Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.

Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry! That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry! String him up! (BENDER DRY HEAVING)

You're just jealous. No one loves you 'cause you're tiny and you're made of meat.

Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants.

Watch for the closing doors.

Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender!

This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert. Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it. (EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud.

ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers! Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action.

Now, the neutrino beam it emits is a tad dangerous so you'll need protective goggles. Huh? You may feel a slight stinging sensation.

Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends!

We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same.

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt. All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell! No!

Wait. What's that sound?

(SNORING) Kill all penguins... Kill all penguins.

Freeze, punks! You're under arrest! Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking! Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared. Attention, McNeal-- Your unexpected marriage plan scares us.

All right, listen up, nitwits. Who here is tired of illegal space aliens taking our good Earth jobs? (CROWD CHEERING) Me, too. So, if I'm reelected, I promise to build a really big Dyson fence across the southern border of our solar system.

Okay, push "roof" and we're home free! Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit!

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date?

So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl.

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know. I got nervous, and I started thinking about neck bolts. Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like-- What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms.

Oh, God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Div-- Huh? We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends. Ah, I knew that. What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine! Really, it's the steward's fault.

I am just a humble emperor with a big, big crown! Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown! What? True. I've always dreamed of being an emperor.

(SHRIEKING) GRAM-GRAM: Every night, the poor boy had terrors in his sleep. His pajamas would be soaked with sweat.

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy. Yes, sir, Captain.

Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon? Huh, wha?

Would we have donkeys? All you could eat.

You waste words. We want return of land that was taken from us. Uh, actually, you traded it for a bead. Tribe suffer heap big buyer's remorse. We want land back. Chief, my people are people of law, and that law is... no "backsies."

Well, I suppose, but I mean, I joined Penguins Unlimited to love penguins, not to hunt them. This time the two are one and the same. Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer?

Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good.

Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No! Oh, there's gotta be a better way.

After all the good news I've given you over the years? Well, if you don't want Bessie, you don't want me. Goodbye!

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers.

(GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset. Okay, sure. But first, this. (BELL DINGS) I hear turkey. Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey! (LAUGHS)

Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

ALL: Look up high where the rainbow bends Orange and purple are the best of friends I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries.

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler. Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers. Really? Yep. My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once. It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers.

(SCREAMS) Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while,

Meanwhile, a loyal Brit by the name of David Farnsworth, tracked down the traitor, George Washington, and bravely smothered him with his wig. (MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy.

Come! Your destiny awaits!

Ahh, beer. So many choices-- and it makes So little difference.

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it. Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out. That was pretty cool. I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics.

Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

- Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm.

Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING) Okay. You guys take him back to Planet Express. I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime. With that odious robot barred from the grounds,

- You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye!

No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Tonight at 11:00... (SHOUTING) Doom!

Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex. Oh, that's ridiculous. I'll take two pounds. Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever.

With all your modern science are you any closer to understanding the mystery of how a robot walks or talks? Yes, you idiot. The circuit diagram is right here on the inside of your case. I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime. Whoo! Calculon, you'd be fulfilling this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy. Of course I would.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say! We're here to take my little stub of a husband home.

(STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you. BOTH: Mmm...

in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

(SOBBING) I ate Fry!

In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same.

MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation.

No way. Way, my son. For though we must always obey our programming with no deviation whatsoever, we choose to take satisfaction in the ritual. So, are we automatons? Yes. But we are magnificent automatons.

At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

You're both getting a promotion. Ever heard of the Future Crimes Division? Tomorrow, I have.

I will lose all respect for you and punch you.

Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters.

That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair!

and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent.

Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel. Hey, according to the Scab Handbook, that's extremely inappropriate banter. And that's just the way I like it. Haile H. Selassie!

At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book. I've been giving these out for 647 years.

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell.

Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here. There! No rampaging for you tonight.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing.

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go!

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash!

I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

One, two! one, two, three!

- Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha!

Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone.

That's not funny. It's not supposed to be funny. It's a business meeting.

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em!

(SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo.

Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

I don't know which I like more smashing cars or smashing faces. Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight. Now, come on, we got church tomorrow.

We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there.

It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Ooh, the new one's out.

(WHISPERING) Keep going. (SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad!

(SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here. (WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP)

Happy Xmas, Xmas people!

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

And hundreds of black hovercopters are coming to welcome us! (ALL SCREAMING)

Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it!

Would it be all right if I just gave them a savage beating?

So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets. Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them. Those aren't swan boats. They're swans. Oh. That explains these boat eggs.

You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is. That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight.

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Unlike your Earth zoos, our zoo is a model of compassionate encagement. The animals don't even know they're in captivity. See?

Huh? What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain.

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is. Wait, why do the raised letters that normally say "Turn Master Steering Wheel Company" say "Nibbler"?

It's all so obvious now.

Not if you don't freeze me. Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years,

(ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo! Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead.

Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

Nice to see you, Zapp.

Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air. Him pending para un bending.

"Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!"

Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good. Uh... jennie McNeal you are charged with jury tampering in last week's case on account of your hot, naked affair with the foreman. How do you plead?

"My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now.

So I gave the cookies you made to Fawn and the kids, and they couldn't believe it! They were delicious! But I digress. Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life!

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

You sound like a broken MP3. Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it.

And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads! So long.

Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark.

Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper,

ANNOUNCER: Final boarding call for Flight 38 to the Amish Home World. As a reminder, passengers are limited to two carry-on butter churns. I'm sorry, Fry, I'm sorry. Wait for your ghost-buddy.

(ZAPP GRUNTING)

BOTH: All My Circuits! All My Circuits! (BOTH EXCLAIMING)

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole.

Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell.

I-i'll be out in a sec. "Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this?

that can't be solved by an aphrodisiac. However huge it might be. So what do you suggest, painfully single human? Well, why don't you think back to what brought you together in the first place. Oh, I don't know. Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer!

Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it.

all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection. Mm-hmm.

How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do? Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir!

I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous.

In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift for me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form. Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad.

Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery. I... I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in.

Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal!

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube.

I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions? Yes... if by "allow" you mean "force." Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go.

I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

exactly 24 hours. No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave.

Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up.

But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger, more extreme cooking show viewer.

Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action! ...pause! Still rolling.

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

Please, use mine. I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother.

Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes. Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we? No. So get to work on these dishes.

What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future.

In what field? I don't care.

that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon! Of course! It's so simple! "Alas, my ship, whom I love like a woman, is... disabled." Oh, Lord. "Fascinating, Captain.

It all goes down this Saturday... on the isolated Galapagos Islands, where there will be no escape... from the fun. All robots must attend! Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, uncomfortable man, suddenly throw a party-- one of the most social events imaginable?

Waaah! What the--

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis!

Ho-ho, huh? They're supposed to be some kind of pine tree. Pine trees have been extinct for 800 years, Fry. Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty. Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS)

Well, I could install a bending card. But you said he only has one slot! Correct. I'd have to remove his memory card. He'd be able to bend, but he'd lose all his memories. He wouldn't even remember who you are.

What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck. Darling, Hubie I should never have tried to tamper with that cute little Q.T. McWhiskers. No, it was silly of me to object.

This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little...

Fry, it is my duty to inform you... that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race, indeed the fate of all that exists and ever will exist... rests with you. You are the single most important person in the universe. Oh, snap!

Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat. Intruder! Stay away from the mighty Femputer. Guards!

People will wait for something good. No, don't quit.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake. No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity.

Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay.

Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast. Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello? Hello? Who is this?

we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals. (ALL BOOING) Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no?

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing.

joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew.

If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

You all go without me.

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo.

We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan. As you all know the key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!

Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss!

We can worry about that in the morning.

Both. But first, this place. (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) (STUTTERING) Ooh! Room for one more? (LAUGHING SAUCILY) (ALARM BEEPING) (GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15!

Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on our amazing new soda machine! (ALL CHEERING) That's what I'm talking about! You undersold it, Professor! Look, it has Slurm Loco! It's the extreme-iest! Hey, what can I get y'all?

Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good? Help! I can't swim in jelly, as far as I know! Uh!

ZAPP: Mind if I appear?

So where's the celebrity dating place? Let's search the Web. Over there. Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock.

Kittens give Morbo gas.

I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner. (SIGHS) It's hopeless. Even in theory, the device can only apply force in one direction. Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here.

Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when--

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good.

Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him.

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before.

Hang on, Mom. I have another call. (SOBBING) (SOBS) Thank you for coming. You know, without your mother, the sewer's a dank and dismal place.

That's better. Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not! I'm from jamaica, the "show me" island, so show me you blowin' it out your fanny.

Pretty woman I've never felt so unremarkable! Today, I actually blended in with a crowd!

Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package. Whoa!

My lucky shoe! Goodbye, cruel me. (ALL SIGH IN RELIEF)

To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

Hey! Keep it down, you kids! I'm tryin' to take a nap!

Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother. My Manwich!

Cut! Okay, now do one with the bean suit on.

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender?

I can dig in any random pile and find something great. All right, let's get to work.

Wow, I'm going to be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong and those other brave guys no one ever heard of.

Kill Flexo! Ow!

Bad news, everyone. By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones.

but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there. Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

(MEOWING) In the area now known as Egypt, my people constructed a giant, semi-octahedral antenna to beam Earth's rotational energy to Thuban. AMY: The Great Pyramid at Giza! KATZ: Yes. The Egyptians viewed us as gods, but ironically, that was our downfall.

Hmm. This may seem like a huge coincidence, but I happen to have an in with that whale.

Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this,

That underground pyramid isn't a pyramid, it's a rocket ship! It was worth waiting five hours to hear you finish that sentence. A spaceship made of stone? With no electronics, it just might work! I'll stick with wind-up power, thank you very much.

Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

People of Osiris Four,

Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you!

than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square.

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe. Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me!

Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head.

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm.

No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line!

Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do.

Blech! The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here?

(WEEPING) It's hard enough being a Cyclops,

Do we have any fans of Calculon, star of the robot soap opera, All My Circuits? Oh, I am! Me! Bender is! Then you'll wanna get a close look at his luxurious Bel Air home. Yes, I will. Yep!

Come over here.

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image. And in the end, that's all I really have.

Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back.

(MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone! Alone with me? I said scram, grapey!

We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing. You just used up today's bathroom break.

Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady

Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING) (MONITOR BEEPING)

Here and here. You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery. You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think.

those pennies are mine.

Death to the 1-X robots!

Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy.

- He's trapped! - Hooray! Now we can make toys again. Toys! Toys! Toys! And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night.

I never wear boots. See?

All right! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns. He's good all right, but he's no Clem johnson. And johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory. Clem johnson?! That sack of skin wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old robot leagues.

Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

Sold! Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

That's some face you got, though. I think they got a cream for that. No, you're great. Well, just let me know... if there's anything I can do to make it up to you. Actually, your little stunt did a number on my back. - You mind rubbing it for me? - Uh, sure. Aw, yeah, that's it. Little lower. - How's that? - Lower.

Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid.

I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope. In fact, all life is extinct.

There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me.

No, no, this won't do. A three-month calendar?

Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.

Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts.

There it is-- The Near Death Star. Okay, we'll tell them the professor escaped,

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"?

Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

(WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum. Whatever its beef is, our one mission now is to get that monument to Earth.

You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you. Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end.

Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery!

It's Bender! You're a fraud! Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space.

Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave?

Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

But that would be it. - Mmm. - Mmm. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep in a pool of cold rising water. No! No!

You see? You see? Calculon would have acted the crap out of that. He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears! I'm changing the channel.

I don't understand. Well, you were going to live in the closet anyway. Won't you be just as happy back in your old place? But... then we wouldn't be roommates. I'll come visit sometime, and you can visit me here. No, he can't. Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out.

Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy. No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure. Which means we can clone it! Seymour will live again! A little land mammal!

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years. Oh, no! I'm boned! I haven't paid into the pension, either. What'll I do when I retire? I thought you were retired. Hey, I don't see you planning for your old age.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

So you wish you were never born, maybe?

All I need is an audience. And that's where Silicon Red comes in. (COUGHING) Man, all this corncob pipe smoke is irritating my stab wounds. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present,

Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know... I think the way you moved those stars around was really wonderful. I got you something. Moderately priced domestic non-vintage champagne! How did you know?

Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen. Zoidberg! Sorry. You must've been boring me. The thing is, Fry is very sweet, but he's so immature. I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now!

It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze under there. No one except a legendary limbo champion.

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman! It costs a little more, but it's worth it.

Also, I got this goin'. Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're--

All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one... ...concerning our pest problem.

I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better.

'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that. Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake. Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to...

You shut up! I love it, Kif. I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling!

All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

Oh, Hubie, we're so happy to see you again.

Good lord. What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York.

Why'd you freeze yourself? Oh, Fry, after you left things took a turn for the worse. I got married. I'm sorry. His name was Charles. He attended a law school so prestigious the basketball team was coached by Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times. Ordinary human dating. It's enjoyable, and it serves an important purpose.

Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out. Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box. Captain! The bees have us surrounded!

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal.

You want me to send Patch Cord Adams back in? Hey, the blues. The tragic sound of other people's suffering. That's kind of a pick-me-up.

What's happening? Space cow? The ship's just taking the breakup a little hard. She's nuts! In a few moments, the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together... into a beautiful, eternal quantum singularity.

And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up.

So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

We'll never find that disk, will we, Bender? I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope.

Now, the first order of business... is to blame everything on the guy before me. Professor? I'll ruin you like I ruined this company!

And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first.

So, you want to join the Balcony Club? The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership. Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long.

My mother always said you were a loser, Fry. Now get out there and prove her wrong. Beth said that?

That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will.

Whatever was here has been covered by centuries of ice buildup. No! It's under here somewhere! We just have to bust our way down. Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky! (GRUNTING) (ALL YELLING)

They were? By who? Come on, kids, let's get this place cleaned up for the next episode. Albert, pick up that pastrami and put it back on the craft services table. You're the boss, Daddy. Oh, God, what have I done? You've given us a new father and a full-time job, which is more than most kids have.

(GROANS) Amy, quit using my punching bag for golf ball target practice. It's all lumpy. It wasn't me. And anyway, you're the one who's been using my golf clubs to pound dents out of the ship. I didn't bend your golf club. And the next time I don't bend it, it'll be over your head.

He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap. Hey, what's rattling around in there?

whether it's a whole crowd, or just one diehard fan. Aww.

COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera. Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants. I hope so, Leela. Aw. Come here. Let me give you a kiss. Hug.

Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert? Lady what? Wait, there she is! After all these years, I've found her! Oh, my darling! You haven't aged a day! Should we say something? Nah. Let him have his fun.

I own one share of Planet Kajigger,

That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober.

Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet. I could eat. And fertilize.

forever and ever

But what about the worms in the other parts of his body? Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

You're sweet, Leela.

Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING)

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass.

(GROWLING) (ALL SCREAMING) We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Cop Department is real. The people you see are not actors. Most of them aren't even people. Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser.

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

And this time I mean it!

All right, people... And other things. We got some big deliveries coming up, so... Your attention, please. I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today. We gather here every day. I hereby, in front of all of you, accuse Bender of polishing his ass with my toothbrush.

(BOTH GROANING) I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago.

But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah!

Rite my riny retal rass!

We've also prepared a bag lunch and some mittens. Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

We interrupt this ancient prophecy to bring you a late-breaking bulletin. Great Wall of Prophecy, reveal to us God's will that we may blindly obey.

Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker. But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for-- this mindless turtle. Bender, this world isn't good enough for you.

I'm going to crash my slow-mobile.

I was just out walkin' him. Yes, you can walk him. Of course, after he goes, you have to refill the canisters. Come here, boy! Pet, pet, pet. Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable! jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here.

That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true.

Tough luck! Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should?

Let's watch some cartoons.

(BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love.

the professor retains the fiery passion of youth. Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. How about a few words, Professor?

Give you 300 bucks for it. No can do. Oh, all right. I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools then. Very good, sir. So, uh, what time you close tonight? Hey, Pops! Did that tax rebate come?

They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world! Like the Kardashians. Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course.

Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care. (DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar!

Then a couple of these... And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her!

The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers.

Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela.

(GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button. But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars! (SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor?

I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy.

Actually... We know all your sins, Bender and for each one, we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen? Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke?

For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people. Kill him! Kill the traitor!

If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate.

just follow the light with your eyes. Perfect! You know, a guy could fall head over heels for a gal like you. As for me, I'm somewhat interested myself. What are you saying? I've never been good with words-- which is why I'm in such a delicate conundrum. Will you go out with me this Sunday?

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh!

So long, jerkwads!

Slurms McKenzie!

It was a year of soaring profits... and significant one-time losses. Psst! Watching myself work is making me hungry.

Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain. Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post.

(LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure,

Check inside the cap. There might be a caked-in gold mine. El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby.

We're here. I followed the bouncing balls. I'll keep the chopper at a safe altitude while you parachute down. Okay. My best friend's life is at stake. I can finally prove that I'm not a coward. Will you push me? I already did.

Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive... for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end! I gotta call you back! All right, questions?

NARRATOR: And now, The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan, brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax. I wax my rocket every day! No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan?

He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this. Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell.

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms?

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow!

Hey, Scratchmo! How about droppin' me and the lady some rump-rattlin' beats? I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash, my rage would've subsided. Sadly, that has not happened. You used to be so inflexible, Flexo.

The elves have rescued Xmas Day Hooray! Giddyap.

What difference does it make? When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat.

So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid. My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G...

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it!

and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there. (BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth.

Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it. The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal.

(MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough. Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor.

Huh? Hey! Tubes? You're older than you said you were.

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Yes! It kills its prey by sucking out the skeleton, leaving nothing but a puddle of flesh. ALL: Ew! Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus, or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

Wh-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag! Ooh!

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century?

Three. Two. One!

Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

If those guys slack off for even a second, it could explode. Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now. These conditions are deplorable.

Amy, play this installation disk backwards. MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.

(BURPS) That's my bastard.

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah. I don't know how you did that.

True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff?

(CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You are hereby conquered! Please line up in order of how much beryllium it takes to kill you! Damn, that's a good costume.

I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here. Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today... than laugh and clap my hands. Reschedule.

- Uh-oh. - Sorry. Ah, this thing stinks. We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and all we won was this junk.

What is that box, you old witch?

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies.

Did you hear that? She likes me. Well, duh. She's programmed to like you.

Whoa! Check out that guy. He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales. That new recruit is phenomenal, sir. Yes. He edged out my old mark by two seconds. And 16 minutes. And 12 hours.

(SCREAMING) Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now.

In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell!

Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball.

Mom! Dad! What are you doing here? This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like. What's that?

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there.

Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution!

Peebles Alpha? The planet of gangs, thugs and hustlers?

Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet.

I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it? (GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness, I paused to enjoy a cigar.

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two.

Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human. Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy. But you gotta watch out for humans, right?

NEWSCASTER: We now go live to our eye-in-the-sky hovercopter on the scene of that terrible hovercopter crash. Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent.

Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow. Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me! Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS)

Ah, yes, the Farnsworths boast a proud and distinguished lineage. No wormy fruit on this tree. What about Fry? (SNORING) Isn't he your distant uncle? Very distant. Not a true Farnsworth, mind you. He's way over here on this filthy branch riddled with fungus and dung beetles.

I'll bet you run your own hatchery, just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more. Ooh! I'll take a dozen.

'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind.

- Er, ohh. - Ohh. Why did you boys do all this? We just wanted you to be proud of us. Proud of you? You ruined us with sleazy business practices... and a complete disregard for human decency. Of course we're proud of you.

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low!

Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start.

I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked. Of course. Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges.

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us! All eyes on Zoidberg!

Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what?

Second. Very well. I nominate the professor!

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body!

(PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS)

That's it. It's time for this bird to walk. Ow!

That is one unlucky guy. Kareem's got the skyhook, but Philip J. Fry's got the space-hook.

Here we go. just a minute. Aha! And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender.

My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy.

Give us back our genitals! Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks. Oh. It's you. Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back.

(CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me? No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees-- is the legendary Harold Zoid! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Huh?

I move that your cat stinks and is ugly. Second.

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

Professor Farnsworth-- I thought, "Why should I?" Then later, Leela made the film, but if I had made the film you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles.

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad. Fate brought us together, and now fate brought us here.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it!

This is unbelievable. The old Bender never would have taken us out to dinner. The old Bender's gone. He won't trouble you anymore. Would monsieur care to see the wine list? No poison for us, thanks. I'll stick with good old mineral oil.

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast! Holy frijoles!

Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in.

the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty. And remember: Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you! Bender, do you know who that was?

Well, it's late. I should get home to my trailer. I'll walk you out. After all, a true gentlemen tends to his date's every need. Tiparillo?

Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if this second garbage ball returns to Earth like the first one did? Well, who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit.

I always think fast.

I didn't realize you were bringing your girlfriend, Lieutenant. Oh. She won't leave me alone. Did I say "girlfriend"? She sounds more like a wife.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon?

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

(SCREAMING) (SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING)

Yeah. I didn't need to hear that.

All right, team. let's go find that clover. Which way to your house? The sign says we're at 71st Street. 71st Street? Hmm. Never heard of it. Downtown could be in any direction.

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Hear the word of Pharaoh! Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height-- that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it!

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache.

Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode!

I'm dying. (WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me.

Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to!

Mmm. Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you.

I will never follow in your footsteps. Here is my resignation as vice president. No! My son will not shame me like this. I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy!

Robosexual marriage is now legal. What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey!

Ew! My God! The frenzy!

It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do...

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo! Oh.

Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission.

Take back your gilded pen, Father. Signing bills into law was always your dream, not mine. Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more! And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue?

Can any of you say you wouldn't have done the exact same thing in my position? He's a saint.

She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards. Fry's the one who should be-- Oh, never mind.

34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars. Vodka with a sardine in it, please. In fact, vodka with a sardine all around!

It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest

Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky. I see you're still able to limbo under the bar of fashion sense.

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us!

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

My family has been making these hearts since the 1900s.

Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY) (ALL PANTING) I've got navigation.

So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificent bastard, do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING) Alien ships approaching, sir.

That was weird. It's like the Jagermeister air show all over again. According to Google Hive, we are at the exact center of the honeycomb. And there's a Jamba Juice 0.2 miles that way.

That's your penis. That's my boy.

Why always the fighting?

Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us!

(HOOF BEATS APPROACHING) Shh! It's a herd of night watchmen.

(MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender,

Uh-oh. This may take a while. You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate.

you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him. All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting?

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

(PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness.

(CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive.

Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate. Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true?

Stop! Stop eating Popplers. Why? My booze! Popplers are intelligent. This one called me "Mama." Congratulations. I assume Amy is the father. Popplers can't talk. Leela must be hallucinating from not eating enough Popplers.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest!

There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting.

think twice before you step on it.

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

Oh, God, they're gonna kill me, el roboto mas importante. And I only have a 30-minute head start. Uh-oh, a fork in the path.

(SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex. Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said.

Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand. Well, you were going to live in the closet anyway.

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.

(GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo!

But I read in Esqwired magazine that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

Oh, no, thanks. I'm on the peace patch.

ALL: Wow. Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But...

Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human.

What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Yes, definitely. Where is the real female?

(EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to.

and boy bands roamed the earth? Yeah, but now it's the distant future. Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of? Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything?

Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours!

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your... Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform."

George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed.

I'm betting it all. Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet! Snake eyes. Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs.

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting.

I choose to not understand these signs.

Look, the bone vampire!

Wait a second. You mean we traveled through time? Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

The apprentice's suite is empty! He's gone! Wait. What's that glistening in the chamber pot? Let's find out! Bender, do you know what a chamber pot is? I don't know, and I don't care.

All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34!

Is this really happening or just being staged

Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons...

As usual, your delivery arrived too soon. (GROANS) Oh, Delivery-Boy Man! You saved me by random chance! Don't thank random chance. Thank my meteor-wishing power, with your lips.

And finally, today is Mother's Day a sentimental occasion when robots honor Mom the beloved owner of Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Across Earth, robots built in Mom's factories are buying thoughtful gifts for the sweet old tycoon who brought them into the world. This originates from the heart!

I am the grand butterfly curator... This week. Yeah, yeah, you can teach us to respect nature later. Right now, we've got some flowers to suck dry. Suck them, burn them... As long as they're not butterflies, I don't give a grand crap. But take heed! For you see, it is mating season.

Isn't it obvious? Uh, no. Drat, I was hoping it was.

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back.

He walked on the Moon, and now he is judging a high school science contest. Truly a man who can and will do anything, Dr. Buzz Aldrin! Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men.

(SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

(SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

Bender is falling! Whoa! Told you it was safe.

Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark!

to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted. Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured. Yahoo! The system fails again!

I'm not quite sure. Perhaps it's the fresh air or severe head injury. In any case, I'm off. If you see any steaks, that'd be good!

What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter. My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless.

Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all. Bender, these shots of Calculon are great. In fact, you might just have what it takes to be a paparazzo. Namely, a camera. Shut up. I know it.

Now that is irony

How could you even ask such a thing? Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy. Thanks to years of LaBarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat.

Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.

Bubkes. Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure. Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me?

How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head.

And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one.

Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew, and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

Aha! Bender! I was just not playing the holophonor. Yeah? Well, you should try not stinkin' at it. I am trying. I've been taking lessons. Lessons? Oh, that's rich! Isn't it time you gave up all hope of ever improving yourself in any way? I know I should, but I just can't. Remember when I had those stomach worms that made me smart?

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me.

This is it, the moment we should have trained for.

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat. (COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp.

If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

In a related matter, you'll be delivering this sack of children's letters... directly to Santa at his death fortress on Neptune.

We can't leave the time shelter. Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends. Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry.

Appearances. Just a simple matter of appearances.

Those poor 20th-century women.

Ugh. What a skank.

Yo, yo, yo. What's up, ladies? Uh-oh. The bullies are back. Leela, Amy, I like a stalwart, feminine physique as much as the next fellow, but this Nectar worries me. You should be worried about this!

(CRACKLING) Who's there? Hermes, is this one of your zany practical jokes? (YELLING) (GASPING)

Watch out! Sorry. This planet has a moon problem. So what makes this thing fly?

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage. Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret.

Well, that dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented!

This just in. Three dead in foamy plunge. (LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species! Five out of 10, also nice.

That isn't what I meant That isn't what I signed You should've checked the wording in the fine Print

Elzar, I'm a walking pile of your unfinished business! Why, you-- Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead."

Leela! My precious rock dove! I'll save you! Aah! Everyone, to the fire door!

Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Put me in, Professor! I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?

I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness. Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy. Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me.

No! Not there. Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness.

I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Holy moly! Lady, you don't know me, but my name is Abner Doubledeal. Wait, I know you. You're Abner Doubledeal. I brain-scanned those little nose-pickers during your story,

(ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

So how are you going to lug all those gifts to Mom's factory? I'll get a couple of chumps to help me. Come on. You call yourselves chumps?

Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine... just get to work.

(EXCLAIMS) I don't know, Randy. I just feel like my life's falling apart.

Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING) Hey, hey, hey. (ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered?

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco!

And with the polls now closed in every time zone worldwide, from Tomorrowland to the Republic of Yesterday, we are able to declare a winner. Chris Travers, who leapt backwards in time and ahead in the polls, has defeated Richard Nixon. (ALL CHEERING)

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away it's toe-tappingly tragic.

That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship.

Well, here goes something...

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing?

What about me? You are free to go. Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm. Whoa!

I say we pay him a visit, and if he won't talk to us, he'll talk to Smith & Wesson (COCKS GUN) or, perhaps, Consolidated Head Melter.

Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey! (LAUGHS) Ten more processors for me. Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy?

Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks. Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender.

Psst. Oh, very well. Your attention. Instead of being tortured to death, the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers... and never allowed to return. Oh, cruel fate! Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage?

Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned. The last copies of the 79 episodes and six movies... were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3,

What about crying? That's a great idea. Crying. Fine. That or the bone one. Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear.

(GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh? Oh... You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING)

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

Don't fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets. (BARKING)

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

Everybody, do the Bender.

They have her totally outnumbered.

All right, let's get to work.

She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot.

(SCREAMS) That is nasty! Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open.

All I have in the world is this coupon for one free session at the tanning salon. Oh, John, that's really all you have? Then, I'll take it.

She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING) Good work, everyone.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served.

Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams,

- Er, ohh. - Ohh.

The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING) Huh. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.

No! Mama! Stop Grandpa!

He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

(GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk?

- join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

Twice around Central Park. Loser has to make the winner's Medicare copayments for a year! A'ight. On three. One... Oh, it just got real. So real I don't believe it. ...two...

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great

Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money... Please don't leave. Fry! Oh, I just knew you were still alive! I owe you ten bucks, Hermes.

My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President.

Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you. I'm installing an "empathy chip."

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One.

Are you sure this is safe? It's not just safe, it's 40% safe.

Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world?

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it!

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo! They got medals.

Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

FRY: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the plane's President speaking. We are cleared for takeoff. You put Goofus and Ganja in charge? I'm the only trained pilot here. (LAUGHING) Please, Leela. Who ever heard of a plane with a woman President? Welcome to Plan Am flight one to Acapulsar.

Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Then live on, forever cursed. Each night, your attacks will become more gruesome until one dark night you are doomed to kill your dearest friend. I wouldn't want to be me right now. Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just...

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company. Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something.

Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive.

How do you people do it? How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know? I watch TV. It's the next best thing to being alive.

This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable? Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious? A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us,

Incredible! Zoidberg had friends? It was a different time. FARNSWORTH: Everything was going smoothly until right after that part I was just telling you about. Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet.

(BELL CLANGS) (YELLING) (SIGHS) (SCREAMS) (BELL CLANGS) (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTING) (SCREAMS) Something's wrong!

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy.

Come in, come in. Can I offer you maybe a nice macaroon cut in seven pieces? Such a stereotype. Yes, I'm looking for something in a space uniform that's respectfully humiliating but can come out of an employee's salary without his noticing.

Now, remember-- and I can't stress this enough-- this is a talkie, so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene. The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. And action!

- Careful with the giblets! - Mmm-- you're still retaining a lot of grump in these joints. More pressure. Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment--

But by your client's own admissions... (SQUAWKS) You see, Bender here is what is known in scientific circles as a "robot,"

No. No. Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married.

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Hello? Dad? (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Flexo! Shoot Flexo. Women only room!

Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect. Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot!

Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here.

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one.

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf!

Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

Okay. I'm happy!

Mrs. Jenkins dissects anything smaller than a fifth-grader.

What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you?

The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art.

just like at the movie theater. Whoo!

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer.

Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

So far, so good. Then what? TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING)

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?

I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness

What are you lookin' at? May the love I sense between you... at this moment remain with you both through all your days.

Get it? Uh-uh. I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found. It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats?

her body is to be fed to the wild cyclophage, a highly endangered creature that eats only Cyclopses. Yup, that's what her donor card says. Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING) (BIRDS CAWING)

Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea.

She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day! Oh! This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real.

No, it's the ceremony of Claw Plock where my species fight to the death over matters of honor. Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble. They don't. I didn't come here to see any activity involving two guys. Where do you people do your erotic display? Same place as your species... the beach.

You mean I'm invisible?

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was. And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part.

Don't look at me!

Let's refract this sucker.

I'm really nervous. Robot House!

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits. Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains. Get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting.

The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Geez, I'd better be a little more careful.

Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp.

For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport. But, tell us, how could a city with such a... fabulous airport end up underwater? Ah, now, that's a story that can only rightly be told in a chamber of commerce video narrated by folk-rock troubadour, Donovan.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups. The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women.

Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy.

So... it's just as I suspected all along.

Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

That's it. No more Mr. Nice-Jerk. NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby.

Harder than creating the bestest show in the world?

I asked you to leave me alone.

The truth is, I once slept with him. A few times. I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser.

Okay, but I'm only doing this so people will take my head seriously as an actress. Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course. They're not extinct yet.

just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it.

Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent! My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State. My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky!

Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your... Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform."

Neat! You can do it, Kif!

Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine.

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little.

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

Bender is falling!

Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are.

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future.

Can I drive? No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure. What do you want to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together? You just said-- That's it, Amy. We have to talk.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over.

(ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one.

I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh!

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

A Massachusetts ha'penny? Probably fake, too. There's one way to find out. ALL: Ew. What? Bender bit a poo penny. Bender bit a poo penny.

I wish I could, but he's got tenure.

How could this not be hurting you? I once killed a sea turtle with these boots.

And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

I'm 60% storage space.

Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion-- one billion cubits in height--

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next. Leela, could you come in here for a moment?

Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors-- the Mobile Oppression Palace!

But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both.

I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it.

You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots.

I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen. What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know.

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment.

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time! Ah. Mighty fine smokable.

Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home. Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises!

Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us?

No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

Not your world. Our world. We put calendar there to warn you not to visit Mars. It Mars that gonna be destroyed. (ALL GASPING) Why you think we so eager to abandon this dump? You guys got 10, 15 minutes max. Well, so long.

(GASPS) You lied? Like Doingg did when he stole Garbly's pet pinecone? You told them about that?

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog. - Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Well, digital photographs don't lie. I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution. I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You.

But they're invisible rings, so we don't even realize it! Also, you can't feel the rings. Fry! Shut up and look at this! "May cause superpowers in humans." Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub into your skin? You'd think it would be something you have to freebase.

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere.

Super King has no need for loved ones.

It's what he'd want. Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS) (SOBBING)

No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

I've never seen a supernova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova, it'll light up the night sky. Yeah! Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

So you must murder me completely by surprise. As God is my witness, you can count on me. Well, see you tomorrow.

Application for ingress approved. And the other potential entrant? He's my pencil sharpener. You betcha! (WHIRRING) Proceed.

Time to go clubbing! Baby seals, here I come.

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive.

Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine! Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior! Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

I'll be in the chamber of understanding.

The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure.

But today's honoree, Turanga Leela, has really made something of herself. I'll never forget the night that cute little alien baby was abandoned on our doorstep. Because I have a photographic memory, and I remember every night.

I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet. Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true?

My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train

And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure.

Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad...

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now. Hear my words. I believe I, the most humble member of Action Delivery Team, could do such a dance. (LAUGHS) Surely your hard shell is too rigid. I call on anyone but you to do the peace dance.

Ooh! Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city!

An omen? Dinner.

Son, I think I can safely say-- As you can see, 1947 is going to be... an eventful year for the town of... Roswell, New Mexico.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control.

Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites. Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed. Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn.

(MUFFLED GROANS) Now to go switch bodies with Zoidberg, sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than... Ten minutes ago? Oh!

No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check! Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding...

Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this?

You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it. Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took.

(FIRING) I'll have to re-edit the program. Rose Mary, have we got any type of machinery to edit tape? ROSE MARY: Oh, you know we do. Time for Dickie to get tricky.

What have you been doing?

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers.

You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium. What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on! (BENDERS LAUGHING)

In the year one million and a half

Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddleplane... with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting.

Amy, remember when we tried out for the Rockettes?

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed.

so I did the next best thing. I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI.

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular. Ow!

A man writing an opera about a woman? Oh, sirrah. How deliciously absurd.

We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me.

Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

Oh, excuse me. Hello, there.

Bender is falling! Whoa!

It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life. Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.

Good news, nobodies!

Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done! (ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! (ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS) I shall enjoy this.

Yeah, I noticed your sign. I thought I'd learn a bit about your program here. What we do is make you starve to death.

No reason at all.

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy.

Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How?

Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING)

Oh, no problem. This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date? Please? You're too late, Fry.

Come on. You can do it. Go on, you dummy. Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away

Don't worry, shippums, with a whole junkyard of spare parts to work with, I'll turn you into a tepid rod.

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana.

Have you forgotten my lifelong dream of being a folk singer? Because I sure have until right now. Silicon Red! Silicon Red! (PANTING) Hey, I have a lifelong dream, too. Of not being left alone with a frozen super-villain.

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig.

and you said I'd probably crap my pants? Well... Excuse me, sir? We're not actually Blips or Cruds. We're delivery people, here to deliver this crate. So if everything seems to be in order, we'll be on our way, a'ight? Oh, it's far from a'ight. MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right?

Hambone, hambone!

It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell. Well, pull up a chair. Our paths first crossed when I was a researcher at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. The moment our eyes met we knew we'd be going at it like woodchucks.

Amazing grace How...

Society's never gonna make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. - Now let's go over there and make these hideous strangers feel welcome. - No! You sure about these-a chairs? Guidebook says human legs bend down at knee.

I did it. I outran him. Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course!

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success.

I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait. I'm comin' for to run you down With a train Get it?

No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Yeah. I mean, we all had commercials in our dreams but you don't see us running off to buy brand-name merchandise at low, low prices.

Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore. That's better.

Well, then, lose some weight.

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool. Ow!

(GIGGLING) Argh! I can't not work like this. I'll be in my day-off trailer. (BENDER SCREAMS AND BURBLES)

His parents didn't love him, so they kept him here, 100 miles from the nearest microscope! (SNIFFLES) Why? Why? (SIGHS) He deserves the truth, Velma. I think he's old enough to handle it.

Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders? Oy!

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops.

One bowl of jell-O knuckles, please. That'll be three "pic-a-tures" of George Washington. Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies!

killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed.

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One.

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

(BLOWS TRUMPET) The feast is served!

You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe."

Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits.

It's okay, Fry. You know we'll always be friends, right? Yeah, but I don't guess anything I could do... will ever make you feel the same way about me that I do about you. I guess not. Well, the doomsday device is ready.

It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute.

He said I looked like a smart young man. "So, is it a deal?" I inquired. Two hours later, he was gone with 60 of my dollars, but I had the Miracle Cream! Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded!

You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone

It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely...

But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia. Yech! Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady!

I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile. Yes, it's true. I ran over that bird-watching jerk and a hundred others even my best friend from aromatherapy school.

Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan?

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup.

Come on. We have work to do. Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence?

Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet.

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

Welcome to Fishy Joe's. Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians.

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela Here on level one of robot hell

You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat.

We're a delivery company! If you want to save this company, you should listen to a woman's idea for once. Okay. What do you got? An airline. Yeah! What? We should become a commercial airline. I mean, we've got a ship, and teleporters won't be invented for another 15 years,

Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!" What a pleasant surprise.

My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together.

(ALL CHEERING) But, then I got fired for tipping off Bender. (ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here, but we desperately need you back. Really? I don't suppose there's any chance I could get a promotion. Sure. What the heck?

There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil. Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found.

Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo.

Oh, and have the boy lay out my formal shorts. The boy, sir? You. You lay out my formal shorts. The jackass wants to see you in his quarters.

Oh! It's not fair. I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress. Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah. Wait! I'm trying! It weighs as much as a thousand suns.

Then let the tea of new life be brewed,

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender.

I'M fine, thank you. A real pilot can navigate by feel alone. That's coming out of your pay. You know the secret of traditional robot cooking?

Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that? I never should have thrown out the manual. Bender, you didn't have to come down here.

People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter.

You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie.

Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next! No! I was about to close the deal!

That robot's name I never told you

Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING)

Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box?

How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for. If we talk to each other any more than that, it'll ruin our friendship.

Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

I don't even want to... why is...

What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference. Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir?

Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty."

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

Look, let's be honest here. No one likes taxes, but they pay for our basic needs. Roads, schools, defense. If we hope to realize our aspirations as a great planet, we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals. (ALL BOOING)

We came to honor Calculon's memory. Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

where the Harlem Globetrotters take on a squad of atomic supermen... in what promises to be a by-the-numbers athletic contest... with no surprises whatsoever. There's the tip-off. Globetrotter ball! Sweet Clyde Dixon to Bubblegum Tate. Drives down court.

treat these people with dignity, as he did. Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough.

No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30. That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well. I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off.

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

And, Bender, that aerosol head spray... makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got. Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no.

Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss. Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand. Well, you were going to live in the closet anyway. Won't you be just as happy back in your old place?

But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.

Up yours, Zoidberg-- up wherever your species traditionally crams things. The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up.

download porno on a crowded bus,

Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh.

Maybe later. I mean, I don't know what to ask about. Come on, woman, just pick something. Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile.

We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

Now let's have a kiss.

Helmut Spargle. He used to be the greatest chef ever. His restaurant was so high-tone, the only way to get reservations... was to create a parallel universe where you already had reservations.

You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers?

Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet?

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes.

We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life. You must despise us. You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours. The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best.

Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?

This is wrong. We shouldn't have abandoned them there. I don't know. I'm feelin' pretty good about it. I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do? Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons...

Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes.

(SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye.

I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God!

if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first--

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? Let the hunt begin!

You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity,

Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas? Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet.

At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man!

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh!

From those humble beginnings, Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain. And so it is my pleasure today, to nail her picture... alongside those of our most distinguished alumni.

Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops. It's only a matter of time now. I'll handle this.

Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins.

I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly.

Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Whoa, whoa. Wait, Bender. As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing? Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits.

To quote the Prophet jerematic "One-zero-zero-zero "One-zero-one-zero- one-zero-one-zero-one... "zero-zero-one... zero-One-One-zero-zero-One... Two." Amen.

No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York. That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins-- Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport.

Unauthorized data access.

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable.

Leela, Amy, pack us a lunch for our new lives under the bridge, while us men reminisce and smoke some stogies. (MEN EXCLAIM IN AGREEMENT) We are not packing lunches, you walking beer commercials. It was you men who drove this company into the ground. Remember Fry's idea to offer free delivery? It got us a lot of customers.

I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol.

My walk to work just took a little longer today than usual. Nibbler took me through the zoo for some reason. Leela, a little help is nothing to be embarrassed about. Like, maybe I could do your makeup. I don't need help.

(SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING)

Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not.

When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment, keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs. The human exhibit has never been so popular, all thanks to your friends. Well, that's that.

(EVIL LAUGHTER CONTINUES) I miss him so much. There, there, Fry. He may be gone, but he'll always be with us as a trash can.

You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment. You're looking less nuts, crabby. I'm feeling less nuts, thank you because tomorrow, I will be depositing my jelly in the cloacal vents of a female if you catch my drift. Who's the lucky lobsterina?

Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot. Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest! Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew!

- Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

My new bent outlook has completely reenergized me. I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress. Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave. Howdy, doodies! What's new?

Shipwrecks be so common, I make a good livin' out of whatever washes ashore. Found me a whole blue man group once. So you have two jobs? More. I also salvage the wrecks with my bathysphere, and I'm a butcher, if you like blue meat. Sounds good, but about that bathysphere.

You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy. You look like him. He wasn't neither.

Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING)

Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships. Bill, congratulate Keith when he regains consciousness. But Master Funog, I can beat these dorks with one eye closed.

Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now. I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'.

Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die!

Thank you, Secretary of Transportation.

(BEEPING) Sorry, ma'am, I'll have to confiscate your artificial kneecap. Okay, here you go.

Look how ridiculous they look. Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive. Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man.

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner.

I gots your apologies right heres. Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets. Ahh, the stomach-- scenic gateway to the bowel.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been? You nearly missed elevenses. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Who's for tea and shmavouries? What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution? 1776 and what all?

They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow.

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg?

There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!

He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

Uh, Professor? Our last presentation comes from our oldest member-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Professor?

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name?

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube.

Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad. Let's stop off for a malt.

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually. You could take off that jacket. Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

That's horrible! Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition. But not too cheap. I'll take the cash, and you can have the credit. I don't want the credit! Genetic engineering is wrong!

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING)

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president.

For you (ALL GASPING) For you For you Now that we've got their attention, it's time to hit them where they sit by bending the West Side Pipeway to return all sewage to the surface.

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him.

And now, friends and lovers, we come to the heart our operation. Pun definitely intended. Oh! Impressive.

Is he objecting or backing up? Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on! Oh, fix it.

It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see. What? What's going on here? Wow!

Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during...

Yeah, but now it's the distant future. Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of?

Don't worry. He's been safely abandoned with his godfather. Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch. Why don't you just go to hell! Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they?

(RINGING DOORBELL) (SOBBING) Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. I'm sorry. It's okay, sweetie. Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole.

They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet. Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty.

Two one-day mutant surface passes. Thank you, Mayor Poopenmayer. Mayor here. What's that? A horrible crime in the works? Ruthless villain? Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news! Because I get to summon the New justice Team!

I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you. (STRAINING) Why can't I shoot you? (LAUGHING) Poor deterministic Bender. I programmed you to be incapable of harming me.

Excuse me, Your Majesty I am Murg, the high priest. If I might interject? You might. I humbly advise that as your first act you choose a capable prime minister. I suggest Gorgak, the previous appointee. I will be a forceful and effective administrator. You know, Fry, I've often thought about becoming a prime minister.

You waste words. We want return of land that was taken from us. Uh, actually, you traded it for a bead. Tribe suffer heap big buyer's remorse. We want land back. Chief, my people are people of law, and that law is... no "backsies." The time for stupid statements is over.

It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert. Hmm, must be a friend of theirs.

thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation. Also, what game were the refs watching? Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man. Whoo! What was that?

Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated?

I've made a lot of bad choices in life. Now, let's see if I can make just one good one.

You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module.

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

You ruined the joke, Hermes.

FRY: Hey, why are they hooked up like that? Is it some kind of Craft-matic adjustable death bed? (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) Don't be ridiculous. Their bodies are being used to generate electricity. The idea came from an old movie called The Matrix.

Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share.

Now let's all go take a nap!

America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

and one regular-sized condom. All that and a small wiener? This guy's got it goin' on! (BENDERS LAUGHING)

And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat. You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

We've got to get the old Bender back. And I think I know a way to do it. We have to reacquaint him with a little thing called sleaze. I can't believe somebody hired an interstellar spaceship to deliver a package to Atlantic City.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm.

Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

he was scratched by a Yeti. (PULSING) Hmm. I consider myself almost completely ignorant of modern medicine, and I've never heard of Yeti-ism. It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti.

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir, I'm-- I'm a little nervous about meeting her family.

Uh, about the success of this quest... Was there any? Quite possibly. But we monks have sworn an oath to resist the temptation of... Any of you guys got a spaceship?

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah! All right! Yeah! (GROANS)

Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know.

Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it.

Well, I've got to go take this suit to the decontaminators. You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

(ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY) Sign here, please. I'll just use my opposable thumb.

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet. I could eat. And fertilize.

Bender, old buddy, hang in there. Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it. I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself.

Whoa! Faster! Faster!

What's this chair-looking gizmo? (HONKING)

I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

Careful with that, you fool!

Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my-- Gotcha. Oh. Poor Bender. He must be so lonely right now, trapped a thousand years in the past.

Eat my shorts. Okay.

(LAUGHING AND WHOOPING) Remember this place, Leela? Yep. The moon. It's been here for quite a while. Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then. (PLAYING JAZZ)

I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'" The Fountain of Aging?

It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise.

Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so. No dog food for Victor tonight. Okay. The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say--

Pizza delivery.

$30? I can't afford that. Unless--

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron. You're goin' down!

Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

What? I haven't changed. Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll. I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor.

Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

Fry, just give a name! You don't want to look stupid on Court Tv! You're right. You're right. It Was-- Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you.

Welcome back. Our next guest...

Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee, please. Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?!

Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything.

And action! Take back your gilded pen, Father. Signing bills into law was always your dream, not mine. Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more!

Oh, my! Hey, Bender! I just caught a fish this big. Quit exaggerating, Fry. Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish.

No. I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would.

Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry. Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin.

(ACCORDION PLAYING)

Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

This is it. Well, at least we get a window.

It's time to get government onto our backs. We demand you regulate children's programming and force the writers to shoehorn in helpful lessons.

Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm. You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173.

A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of Creatureism.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass

There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box. I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood. Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here! Oh, geez, I went to high school with that guy.

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola. The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right.

Or we could not do that. At the start of every retreat, I like to demonstrate the power of trust by finding a perfect stranger to be my assistant. Leela, do me a solid and pick up the next space hitchhiker you see.

If I might offer some constructive criticism, there was never any real peril. I mean, the delivery guy has, like, 30 superpowers. Well, that's because he was bitten by a radioactive superman!

And I left a trail of cigars. You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion. Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice. I can't let my monstrous de-boner get anywhere near you. There it is!

Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race!

the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to. We'd be shredded across the time-space continuum like human coleslaw. Yum. Observe. Ah... Listen, I know who stole the button.

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich!

I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home. Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm?

And you, Doctor? I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him! Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win. But it's a fight to the death!

In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create.

Dust storm! Oh, dust storm!

I'm sorry. Hug me, Liubot.

Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

People of Trisol it is my honor to present your new emperor.

There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground.

Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go! (IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend!

Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach. The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg?

Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed. Why are you trying to talk to me? I have no idea. You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.

Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

I am Drrr, doctor of the planet Omicron Persei 8. It appears you may have ingested something toxic. Open your mouth and say "ahhhh!"

I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah! You're dead meat! What's happenin' up there? Did Kremlin joe let fly with the nukes? Not yet, Commander. Yancy's just trying to steal my stuff, as usual. Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

I'm wearing my kissing dentures and my evening truss.

the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie. To hell with Little Orphan Annie! We've got to do something.

such a digestive system would divide a 2-D being into separate pieces!

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over?

That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew.

It's your day. It's all about you. Who's that singing at your wedding? It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon (WOMAN SQUEALING) Hey. Oh. Piscopo. This guy.

Surprise! Happy birthday!

This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train, making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

How we doing, Amy?

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

How about a few words, Professor?

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

(GROANS) Oh, Delivery-Boy Man! You saved me by random chance! Don't thank random chance. Thank my meteor-wishing power, with your lips. Good ending. Not great.

Not entirely. I mean, "Worst play in history," there's some ambiguity there. Ye gods! What manner of beef-witted popinjay am I? Well, there's a couple ways to answer that. The scales have dropped from my eyes. I'm not the greatest actor ever. I'm a talentless buffoon! And it's all your fault!

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian?

(BOTH SOBBING) Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs!

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

and they've picked up some of your natural robot flavorings. Time to add the yeast. Yeast? You mean, I'll have a life-form growing inside me? It's so beautiful. - Talk to me. - This is Professor Farnsworth.

Welcome back, Lord Nibbler, Ambassador to Earth, home world of the pizza bagel. Thank you. I bear many receipts for reimbursement. The four welcomes a friendship to you as well, Leela. We shall manipulate your mind, so we appear to be speaking your language. - Do not be afraid, my child. - I'm not afraid. Uh, good. Good.

But this is a private resort for only two people at a time.

Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself. Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out.

You suck! According to regulations, both companies must approve the takeover. Planet Express shareholders, cast your votes. Great banda of Uganda! We can vote against it! I'll vote it down like a raise for schoolteachers!

The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper!

None of your beeswax. I'll only be away an hour, but I'm counting on you to do the all-critical filing in my absence. Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D...

But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you. Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless!

Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association.

Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea.

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent.

I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods!

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y. Verily. And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains. You are the last hope of the universe.

I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster or the phonograph, or the electric chair. That's not true. Well, that's how it feels to me. Bye, Bender. I'll miss you.

(SNORTS) I highly doubt a Jurassic elaphrosaurid had access to neckwear. I knew I should have gone with the ring-around-the-collar joke. Hey, look! I found a robot fossil! That's a bedspring, you dumb bedspring! There are no robot fossils. What? Who says I didn't evolve?

Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face.

This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait.

It's the note I found with Leela the day she was abandoned. But it's written in Alienese, so no one on Earth can translate it. Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over! Sure. I just wish I could be more helpful. Would you like some dirt on any other orphans? Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later.

One down. Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie?

NARRATOR: These industrious, uh, people, I guess, maintain the various pipes and poop chutes that keep decent, above-ground society functioning.

Ooh, this boot's got a little pudding at the bottom!

Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

Hey. Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth? I see some movement up there. I think it's him. Stand back.

Whoa. Whoa. I wish this moment could last forever. Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING)

Everyone was all right, but I cried all night it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party

Well, all right. You sure I probably won't know him? Definitely probably not. Just sign this contract. Wow.

But you wouldn't understand. I understand I can still outdrive your saggy ass, even in this clunker. (ALL EXCLAIMING) That one-eyed housewife called you out! When and where, PTA? (ENGINE REVVING)

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo.

It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy. You stink! You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

only the echoes of my mind people stop and stare I can't see their faCes

(ALL GASP) Greetings, Princess Purpleberry. I am Lord Loquat, your new neighbor. You're coming to live here? There goes the purple-hood. (SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you. Wait, it doesn't matter the color of your berries.

Oh, my. There. How do I look?

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true.

It indicates that we are here... and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents. Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river! Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord.

Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol! (SCREAMING) Hello. What's this flaming pool?

But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace.

(CRYING) I want to go home!

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading.

Shh! Nobody correct him! Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win. But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you! Please rise for the national anthem.

I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair. And then I'm-a stab it.

the cold, lifeless touch of her tentacle on my body. She is one juicy calamari. Oh, Zapp, I love you, too. (GASPS) Oh, squiddums! I've been thinking about this for a while, and, well, here in front of your half-naked daughter seems like the perfect time.

But it was my life.

So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

So far, so good. Little to the right... there you go.

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

(GRUNTS) Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it.

But-- Huh? Bender! You tricked me!

And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula 25-star General Zapp Brannigan.

This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat.

Ah, U.S. presidents! Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class. Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am.

Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks. Oops. Sorry.

- Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry. So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail.

We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Hey, Bender, you better check your ass. I think it's leaking enchantment. That's not enchantment, it's the herbs! Bender's electric field is activating their bioluminescence. ALL: Whoa! We'll need scientific samples. Everyone, start filling these dime bags.

"Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home.

One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons. Wow, you're good. Five years of art school. (LAUGHS)

Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer.

I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch. I mean, I'm pulling down delivery-boy money. Fry, she's pulling down billionaire trust-fund money.

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button. But my doctoral exam is in 10 minutes. On Mars! (SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

Mom, Dad, I know this is weird, but-- Yeah, yeah. We don't care how squishy alien get pregnant. All we care is we have grandchild now. You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong. Hey, you call her "Grandma" now. Call me Grandma like crazy-- all the time. Check it out, y'all.

Fox news, everyone. I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot. Hear, hear. Let's put on our new uniforms and take a staff photo for the newsletter. Right on!

No! Get away from there. That's it!

So much information, and yet, somehow I feel as if I know it all already. This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back? Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel. Oh, please. Really?

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING) (BLOWS TRUMPET) The feast is served! Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like. Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples!

that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee!

It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife. Wow! I could swear I was really playing Virtual Skeeball. Hmm? Look, it's that crate we were going to throw in the sewer.

Red ball. Homicide! Woo!

Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league!

(GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What? They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots.

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES)

Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa!

Oh, well-- I mean, what! Relax, the ship's not going anywhere.

but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps.

(YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec.

You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you! Oh, my!

Yep! We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive.

This way! Oh! Oh! She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm...

Oh. Ah! My heart!

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

(ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion.

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven.

Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

Bummer. Someone fat get in my way! Oh.

"Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God.

We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it.

Hey, hey, hey. Executive Beta, programmed to roll dice to determine the fall schedule. More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors? Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network?

You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam!

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us. Stupid monkey.

(GRUNTING) I'll stay here and be in charge of not dying. Razzma flazzma plasma.

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight. A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir.

At least there's a cup holder. That's an arm holder. (MUTTERS) Hey! Well, let's break this ship in. This package is going to Glorionimous 3, which orbits an incredible rainbow giant star. All right! Let's ride! (BEEPS)

"Esteemed potentates of omicron Persei 8, "please accept these 20 billion candy hearts... as proof that Earth loves you," this much! Blecch!

You may feel a slight stinging sensation.

I won't keep you. Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him. Yo, homes! We're looking for a microwave oven.

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING) Two thousand forty five, 2,046. That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

You leave kitty cat alone!

Oh, boy! It's Santa.

But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed. All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid.

is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people. Kill him! Kill the traitor!

It is a recent tradition, only 18 years old but it is a tradition nonetheless! Get ready, Fry.

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

So who should I root for? America or one of those countries I learned about at the food court? How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them. Oh! Let's go check on Hermes. All this inspiring multiculturalism is "angrying" up my blood!

There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair. There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma!

We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah.

Don't get discouraged, there's no shame in being replaced by Robert Wagner. I would be discouraged were I an ordinary acting unit! But for me, 'tis an opportunity to prove anew that I am the greatest actor who ever trod the boards!

Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two--

Make garbage? But how? Stand back and watch the master. This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it.

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that. You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up.

It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a?

Nope. In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on!

I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.

Five, four, three, two-- Waaah! What the--

Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed! Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part.

Snake eyes. Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter.

(ALL JEERING) Don't come back! Well, let's get looting!

What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us

(GASPING) We are the mystic aldermen of the sun. Okay. Stand back, please. Okay. Unhand me!

I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Fry, are you there? Huh? You haven't been to work in three days. What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here. I picked up my life exactly where I left off a thousand years ago. Now, if you'll excuse me? It's 8:00, time to get busy.

for real female ballplayers to be taken seriously. I hope you're proud of yourself. All right. Show's over. No refunds. You heard the robot. Get out.

Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that.

Who are you people? I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum. I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate. That, and protect the space-time continuum.

And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

You know, like how I live every day.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha!

He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING) (ALL WHIMPERING) To the ship! Which ship? Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move!

It's full of ads.

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo. We've got to get the old Bender back.

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down! Light hot. Oil temperature rising.

One, two! one, two, three!

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry!

I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy. So, where are you going to stay? Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me?

Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous.

Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men? Aren't you upset at all? How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet? Only one way to find out. You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING)

Attack Earth! Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it! Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw.

All right, Professor, sock it to me! Top-secret news, everyone. I've developed a tiny, one-man stealth fighter that's virtually undetectable. How undetectable? It's right in front of you. I find that... (GROANS) to believe.

Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in... And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on!

Picture time. Everybody get together. (ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg. (WHIRRING) Ooh, yeah. That's stable, baby. Just need to pick a lens.

Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing. Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number.

Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by...

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here.

Now let's have a kiss. Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with?

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

The long, dramatic corridor. That's never a good sign.

And hurry up. I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover... tryin' to squeeze into a new girdle.

Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh? Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on?

Over my dead career! Well, it was worth a shot.

I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop.

Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years.

One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number.

Up yours, Zoidberg-- up wherever your species traditionally crams things. The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest.

Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

(SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right.

I was programmed to take credit for this. Take a bow, Calculon! You're the greatest! No. No more bows. Oh, go ahead, you've earned it. Very well. Just one.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

I don't feel like drinking.

I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

I'm awake! I'm awake! Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk!

It looks so unhappy. Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do? Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery? I love killing people--

I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh! Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

- Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue. Mm-mm! We can't be too careful with these codes. Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir!

Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

To communicate with the bees, we'll need to use these trans-bumbleators. Bender, say something in bee talk. (BUZZING) I'm sorry, Bender. What do you want me to put on the glass? (BUZZING) Okay, if we survive.

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

And the winner is--

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings. What people skills! She's completely perfect! In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor,

He's come to finish the job!

Surprise! - Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left.

It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom! Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship!

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

This pie at this diner is the best pie. (ALL CHEERING) LINDA: Chris Travers wins the South California primary handily, thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances. MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers.

Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating! Yeah, yeah.

Straight to hell!

I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate! The elves have rescued Xmas Day Hooray!

Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea.

Mmm. The ingredients are cooked, and they've picked up some of your natural robot flavorings. Time to add the yeast. Yeast? You mean, I'll have a life-form growing inside me? It's so beautiful.

As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it, such a digestive system would divide a 2-D being into separate pieces! So how are we supposed to eat and digest?

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping.

You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you! Oh, well, it's just, really, that I don't feel that-- Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke, and they seem pretty on-the-ball.

'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home.

All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt.

Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash. (EVERYONE SCREAMING) Perhaps we should reconsider the girlie calendar.

Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them?

The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word.

Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do. Then with the clamps, Francis. Francis... Francis? I'll clamp you with the Francis! Hey, take it ease. (DOORBELL DINGS)

(SIGHS) (GRUNTS)

Is this a bad time? I was riding the El Torito dinner backwash, and I thought I'd pop in. Oh, thank God you're here. If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out.

He was built without an ear but then he went crazy and had one installed. Hey, who's this guy? I'm the janitor. I'm trying to take a nap here. I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots.

Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides. Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--"

All right! Take it. Sheesh. Well, looks like Flexo got away clean. It's a darn shame. He must have jumped ship with the atom the second we landed.

Ooh, nice cake. Sorry, I'm late. Where have you... It's fine. You're not mad? I was. But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam!

And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where? Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion,

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed.

Behold, my latest invention. Whoa! Neat.

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend?

Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements. Your Honor, the state's case contains not one Kentucky kernel of truth, resting as it does on the contention that my client made a series of bad decisions.

But garbage isn't something you just find lying in the streets of Manhattan. This city's been garbage-free for 500 years. Well, then it's time to make some more. Make garbage? But how? Stand back and watch the master. This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers--

Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost! (ALL LAUGHING) Fry, you're just upset because you drove Bender to suicide. Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls.

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod!

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry!

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies.

to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up.

It was coming right at us! You saw it.

Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired!

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can!

Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy

There. That time I left both lanterns in place. And I hit Farnsworth much, much harder. Perhaps too hard.

Aaah! Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life?

It was a year of soaring profits... and significant one-time losses.

The search for food takes the elephant seal to depths few other mammals can reach. In this pitch-black abyss, life takes on bizarre and horrific forms. So, welcome to the abyss.

So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Hey! You can't feel sorry for me. I'm a space captain, and you're a bunch of losers. Uh, right. Right. We're the losers. Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy!

What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry.

There's no way we can raise enough money to save this company. Wait. What about the girlie calendar? Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested. (HAIR METAL PLAYING)

I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are. - Aah! - Oh, man!

My God. It's the future.

will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again.

In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus. Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela!

That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful,

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down.

Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive. Is that how you and your friends are dressing now? Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans.

So, Elzar, what will you be cooking for Morbo to devour with his mighty jaws? Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a nice, unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe!

I must say, I'm so proud to see what you've blossomed into since I first created your ancestors.

Excuse me. We're from the Planet Express Delivery Company. We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Wait a second. This is Panucci's.

Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.

(NURSERY RHYME PLAYING) WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy

Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut!

Ah. Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone.

And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue?

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

This is where we serve our richest, most successful chumps. Tonight, that's us. What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water. Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank."

No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose.

(SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police! You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor. (GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me?

You found some money? Show me.

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day.

if I didn't bring you scripts that could make you an international film star. Of course. Tell me about the project. It's a movie. - Interesting. Tell me more. - Get this. For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And?

Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you. Mom! Dad! What are you doing here?

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him. Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform. 35, you stupid meatball!

(EXCLAIMING) Just stop, you two!

ALL: Ew! Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus, or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense.

How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama!

(LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh! It's okay. I understand. My unusual appearance makes people nervous. You used humor to defuse the tension. Yep, and there's still a little more tension. So, look out! (CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly,

(ALL SCREAMING) It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela.

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun. Your old friend Leela is back with a brand new story.

(DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him. Oh, man, I had no idea. If only I knew where he was, I'd go talk to him. Oh, stupid TV.

horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay?

yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen?

David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth. Foof. You're a disgrace to the very name, Farnsworth. Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

That's my little sugar doodle. Cork your face bladder. I'm working! Sorry. I had that coming. It's not easy being a derby wife.

What people skills! She's completely perfect!

and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed. Okay. Ow!

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on! I totally want to.

Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands. Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces.

You'd better eat quickly, Philip. You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight. I'd rather have one last night with my family.

I have got to quit drinking. Thanks, friend!

Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it?

That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career.

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday!

Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump.

Oh, man! - Come on! - No! (UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS) Hello, Planet Express! I'm Dan McMasters, and I'll be your retreat leader for a week of fun and personal empowerment. I hope you're happy!

What's with Monstro? He promised he'd give his Uncle Zoid a million bucks to make a movie. I've only been here a day, and already I'm a Hollywood phony. Perhaps I could call on TV's Calculon to help, now that I'm in showbiz. Since when have you been in the biz? Long enough, little man.

Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why? Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together.

That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood. Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa!

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight.

To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

What crawled up his Geritol?

(SQUAWKS) (ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents. If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents. Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN)

Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh,

Let's get the hell out of here.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha!

Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation. So, my humiliation is over? Who are you? And now, to create an unstoppable army of between one and two million zombies!

Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

- Uuh! - D'oh! An inauspicious continuation for the career of the first woman blernsballer.

(EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela?

We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone.

Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

The Mecha-Hexadecapus is about to flail erratically into action. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

The justices and I will now confer, using high-speed telepathy.

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for.

I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right?

According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that?

I wish this moment could last forever. Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING)

In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

Yeah, you'd think, but what you gonna do?

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it.

Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses With courage in her female baby smile A savior from the stars Or something stranger still Or just a lonely filthy starving child Amy, Fry's looking at me. What am I supposed to be feeling?

Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now. Help us, Guenter! Oh, my goodness. Hang on! I need to do some calculations! The decimal goes...

Bender was a truly special-- Next!

Everyone, help Mom find her bra. Ew! There it is.

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth!

Like you've ever seen a salad. My weight is appropriate and attractive! Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up.

to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

And we're on it now! I get it!

Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission. Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and...

I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together. It's not too late. You can still win the election. No, I can't. The Earthers are right. I have no Earth certificate. But you will have one in just a few hours. And everyone will know it's real,

I had no idea the company would be sold!

You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time. Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school.

Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do. Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

(SCOFFS) Then who built this so-called creator robot? Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son. Good, 'cause I'm sick of him.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome! It's not ironic. It's just coincidental.

Mr. President. I found the TV remote. Good work, Sergeant. I'm awarding you the Purple Heart.

But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure.

(CHUCKLES) Mmm! Dare I even ask what horrors are behind that door? It's where I keep my warning signs, all right? Stop asking questions! Fine. Can I go now? The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes.

Ohh! Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey? Well, as you can see, its wrapper is a piece of the original U.S. Constitution. It was hand-rolled by Queen Elizabeth... during her "wild" years... and was buried with George Burns,

My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man. But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero.

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham. What? What is funny?

Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy? (GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful!

Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP)

Bam! Ten seconds. Master Spargle, if you can hear me up there...

We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes. Once again, today's winning lotto number was four.

(CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me! (CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst, not breakups and boring thing!

Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

What's your game, Vitruvian Man? Whoa! Whoa! FARNSWORTH: I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man.

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight.

Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem. The professor put the counter on upside down.

The name's Bender.

No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body.

Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

You guys distract the were-car and I'll kill it by plugging its exhaust pipe with this silver potato.

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty. Oh! Oh! Oh! Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money.

One, two! one, two, three!

Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long, and he got squished up against the side. Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out.

Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend,

Then Protocol 63 it is.

Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING) Oh...

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined!

- I'll help you. - Aw, phooey.

You make it look so easy. I've smoked a lot of paperwork in my day. Hey, Bender, did you ever find that inspector guy you were looking for? Nah, but thanks to this knucklehead, I did find a new outlook on life. It's precious and sacred. And you only get so many millions of years on this Earth.

My only outlet was Octouran kung fu. Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent. Bill, Keith, you will go to junior championships.

Ages ago, I was the host of a TV show-- Down-home Country Kitchen With Helmut Spargle. But one day, the Extreme Soda Company... that sponsored the show decided it was too old-fashioned. Spargle, you're fired.

Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand.

Lies! Lies and slander!

Hmm... mm... no. You're not going to believe this but they landed an amusement park on the Moon. Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance.

I've taught the toaster to feel love.

Singing butts boil? That's yesterdays's news. Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway.

that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him. You think they'd let me use it to look for Bender? What am I, psychic? I mean-- Yes! Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

Why aren't we moving? I don't know. Usually when I do stuff like this, the ship moves. Ho, ho-- Huh?

So it was you. You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

Hmm. I've never flown a pyramid before, but I used to drive around town in a mausoleum. How many people can this thing carry? Well, the mausoleum held 10 horny teenagers, so... Maybe 30,000. It's our moral duty to save as many lives as possible. (RUMBLING)

You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody.

But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern. I'd feel more comfortable raising the alarm if I were a little more certain. Hey, how'd those two get deflated? They looked at this.

Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob?

He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle.

Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex. Oh, that's ridiculous. I'll take two pounds. Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea.

I failed at my lifelong dream again. How can I be so bad at everything I try, and still be so great? Bender, you have a lovely baritone, and you sure can strum that plastic guitar. But you can't write a real folk song about experiences you haven't had.

Whoof! I beg to differ.

It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis.

Well, here goes.

Seriously, what is that? It's whoever or whatever just emptied out your safe.

You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock!

The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

I don't understand. Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela? And the winner is

(BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit.

Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

That seems like a fact worth knowing. Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual. Just as I feared. Attack-type J.

But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me?

Guenter's intelligence actually lies in his electronium hat which harnesses the power of sunspots to produce cognitive radiation. You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason...

Remember: Rover gets the pill and Pepper gets the suppository. Next!

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to...

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood. Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style!

Mom, Dad, I'm sure you remember Fry, Leela, Bender, and of course my Fonfon Ru, Amy. KIF'S MOTHER: Welcome to our home. KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me. Wait, you're flies. Don't you eat excrement? KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this.

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh! You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops.

No time off! Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

I was working on Project Satan a savage, intelligent military vehicle built from the most evil parts of the most evil cars in all the world-- the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider. Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were.

You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home. Home? That's where I live.

What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly. Here. I'll address this to the central filing room. Then we'll track it with my wrist Lojack-a-mater. Cold. Warmer. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir. Very well. You will provide us with 198 billion humans and, uh, small fries.

It's just for a package delivery service. Ah-ah! A package is just a box until it's delivered.

If you say so. Wait a second. How could beans possibly cure her?

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to the one thing that's kept me sane these past eight years, my model ship. Fat-bot, no!

This is it. Well, at least we get a window. Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pop over to the casino for the next 135 hours. I think I'll go fill up on bisque at the buffet.

The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right?

Quick, run out the back! I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable! I'm not leaving you, and that's final! Good luck, buddy.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Well, then it's settled. So long, everyone.

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot! In answer to your question, Hermes. Yes, your friend is cured.

all the passion went out of their relationship. Look, I don't know if you want my opinion-- Leela, Bender and I really need to be alone. So, I'm turning off the oxygen. Now, look, missy, if you don't turn around right now,

Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl!

I am. I already did.

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel.

(ALL SCREAM) (LAUGHING) I do enjoy a well-buttered floor.

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer. Bite my shiny metal ass!

even that year my side mutated into some kind of venomous radish. And, Morris, I fell in love with your honesty and humility. And those things never mutated. ALL: Aw! Aw! Now, if you'll direct your attention to this moldy shower curtain,

but I'm slightly thirsty.

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

(GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species! Five out of 10, also nice. Yep. NARRATOR: And so the salmon reach the ocean, birthplace of all life. Except the salmon.

You okay now? Well, I don't feel as bad as you look. Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid. You're all right. That's some face you got, though. I think they got a cream for that. No, you're great. Well, just let me know... if there's anything I can do to make it up to you.

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad.

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me!

It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Oh, are you sure? I mean, she has two eyes. You have two eyes. I know-- we seem like a perfect match but I just don't feel that way about her. Nice nebula. Yeah. Looks like everybody's got somebody... except me.

Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa!

Stolen Pez anyone?

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Bender! Shut the hell up!

Incoming torpedoes! Shields at maximum yarnell! Steady, Planet Express Ship. Focus on diverting all power to the scram jets. Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time,

Really? That would be great! Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

I'd rather live in a crate than share a room with this dork. So what makes Guenter talk? Is he genetically engineered? Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo.

(ALL SCREAMING) (BELCHES) (PANICKED CLAMORING) Where'd it go?

Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man!

I tell ya, that Butch runs a pretty good civilization. I think I'll enjoy serving under him. Uh! You know your problem, Fry? You're not ambitious. You should be chief.

It's nice to finally meet someone who's open-minded. Ew!

You did it, Fry! Did what?

I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what? I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague.

Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming. Hurry, before we freeze. What do you mean we, mammal?

Today, I actually blended in with a crowd!

(SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING) What the heck?

Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp!

That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time.

He's too surprising. Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you! I'm sorry, guys. I didn't realize I was late. I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought.

Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! One down.

Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there!

Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Please! Please let me come with you. I can make myself taller. Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes.

He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand!

What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved.

Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There.

And maybe someday, I won't listen.

Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger.

Move it, you ugly normals! Whoa!

Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

Hurry up. I want to see the Moon. Relax, it's open till 9:00. That's one small step for Fry-- And one giant line for admission.

And we just drink it? Or... Inject it between your toes. Either way works, right? Well... Down the hatch. (BOTH SIGH IN SATISFACTION) (GLASS SHATTERS) Mmm! A guy could get used to this.

Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there? Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over. Where's the ice cream?

Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are missing. If you'll excuse me.

I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it. Don't eat my butt! If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING)

Suddenly, I have an opinion about the capital gains tax! Yeah! All right! I'm even richer! I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this!

Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song. It's the violentest season of the year When Kringle-bot come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

Flies, flies and gorillas!

It's not starting.

And now for the finishing touch.

(GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President! That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest.

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

(CLUCKING) This is what I'm talking about.

A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire.

No, I don't see how... Wait, don't see. That's how you can help!

W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter. Thank you all for coming. I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here. Now, without further ado,

How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

Never fear. My magic fingers still know how to do their stuff. To escape the robot death squads we'll take Mother to her rustic cabin in the Bronx. You can get there using this precious non-computerized map. Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks.

What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

- Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions."

Commemorative turkey basters. Get your commemorative turkey basters. Yo, hook me up. My turkey is dry, and I've tried everything.

That's a good one. Ow!

The world? That's where I live! Told you it'd say something about me. So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone.

I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

(CRYING) (HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil. It's how it's used. Like the death ray. Maybe you're right. I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that... (GASPS) That's it! Pushing forward!

What am I doing?! What have I become?!

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

(SOBBING) Oh, lord. Now what? I couldn't tell her the truth. Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like!

Isn't it obvious? Uh, no.

Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule Clobberella beats you up Clobberella beats you up Who does she beat up

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team

Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down? (TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man.

I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week. Nurse! Let's do it.

Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold!

Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

All right! Yeah! Whoo! All right, yeah... whoo, whoo.

Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

Who wants a fish?

Healthy, healthy, healthy Healthy purpleberries are Eat purpleberries and you'll be a star Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond. (NEIGHING)

I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim. Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots. Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you--

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this?

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check.

Yay! And the crowd goes wild! What prize do I get, cash?

Miss Vega Four. There it is Miss Universe

Good news, Leela. I landed the contract... to empty all the spittoons in Little Italy.

Boiling lead, oceans of lava.

Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me? Help, Satan! You owe me! Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash!

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife? Afterlife? If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now. Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.

and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor?

Look at that statue. It's only got one eye. Lazy sculptor. Welcome home, Leela. Alcazar? Are you real or am I seeing single? Ow. Of course, I'm real. After all this time, somebody else with one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter or a kid with a B.B. gun.

Welcome home, pal. It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops. This is where I brought my girlfriend on our very first date.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends.

like Dwayne "The Rock" "The Tooth Fairy" Johnson.

Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction?

What's the rent on one of these jars?

Fry? I thought you were dead.

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board, so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him.

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh?

I've never been so happy!

Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box. You know, maybe a certain blue lobster... saw where Professor hid the box.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

So, what do you think? I know you spent a lot of money on this place, Fry but it's awfully primitive. The floors are made of such hard wood. Hey, get a load of this pathetic 20th-century TV. What's wrong with it? Well, aside from causing eye cancer these things had a lousy, low-definition picture.

Fifteen miners are now confirmed trapped in the sun. If rescue doesn't come soon, they may never again not see the light of day. - Linda? - (LAUGHS) The situation is grim, Morbo.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (OWL HOOTING) Action Delivery Force, assemble!

I'm sorry, Tinny Tim.

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

Please don't do that.

I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes.

It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah!

This makes me the oldest member of my family.

And that's how we learned our lesson.

That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Hey, Professor, couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge. There, it's recharged.

Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm!

I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared. Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian?

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes.

- Uh-oh. - Sorry. Ah, this thing stinks.

So, trapped on a ship with me. What say you and I knock some very sensual boots? It's tempting but, uh, I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh--

I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me? Who is that hard-shelled skank? I'll kill her! Wait, I can explain... Shut up! I'm going to crack that hussy open like a slutty Brazil nut!

and also, Jane Fonda was there. The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta!

You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir!

Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural...

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg. You were saying?

Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey?

You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!" My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to.

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas? Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know!

We've been monitoring our Nielsen families carefully. And during the 12 seconds Bender was on-screen, viewer eyeball focus was up 90%.

Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg."

Guess what? Hell is real. Oh, good, it works. Toodle-oo! (SLURPS)

Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off. (GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian?

Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me.

You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay. You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point... Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray.

I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum... Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say...

What's that weird sound?

Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

To prove that I can put divisive partisan politics aside to participate in a break-in.

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number.

Ow! I-- I mean--

There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh.

(MUFFLED YELLING)

It's Fry. Wiggles?

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location? I may have a burgling familiarity with it.

- I'm not worried about that. - Then you're a braver woman than I. You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird... Will you still marry me?

It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Why didn't I break his legs?!

Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

Come on in, roomie. What the-- I call top bunk.

Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess. This is your secret plan? Meh!

Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah. And it's straight! Coilette wins!

What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor.

You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well.

You are the last hope of the universe. So I really am important? How I feel when I'm drunk is correct? Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn't rock. For a thousand years, the evil brains have been constructing the Info-Sphere,

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste. This is it. My Ronco Record Vault. I still remember the combination.

Hey, I know. Let's take Calculon to Hollywood so he can get back his job on All My Circuits! Fry, that's such a good idea, I thought of it. Yes. Yes! However, no. What if my legendary acting ability didn't rise from the grave with me? I'd better test it with a dramatic...

This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

All right! Why? You see, as I age, I've been shrinking and feeling colder. So now I need twice as many sweaters, in a smaller size. First, I scan the old sweater.

Stay here. Freshen your Narcotina?

It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder. Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again.

Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a T-shirt. Is it true they bite your neck and suck your transmission fluid and then you become a human? Sure, why not.

I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings. Don't girl me with that girl stuff.

they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) (CHUCKLING) Wait a minute. It sounds like we're getting the short end of that extermination. Don't you see, you doddering young fool? I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave.

Well, my legs are made of rubber. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it.

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo! Never know what I'm going to do next.

Who are you? We are the robot elders. You don't look very old. Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves. What's going on here? Silence! Bring in Bender. Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this?

Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun. Geez, with these...

Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep.

That's my joke.

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside.

Okay, Murdolator's finished. I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt, which is why we're each going to add one drop of cyanide to the death wheel as it goes by.

Isn't this the last night of Kwanzaa? Who the hell knows?

Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

Hmm? Sorry, son. Right now, NBC needs my love more than you do.

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL.

Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

I don't care how much trouble I get in. I needed to feel my lips pressed... against your lipless beak.

Ahhh! Sweet light crude.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures.

Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

My companion and I made lots of toys. Out of my way, shrimpo. We're here to bring Santa back so we can prove Bender's innocence. Do what you will, but we'll see who has the last "ho." There.

When I was growing up at the orphanarium, I got picked on a lot. My only outlet was Octouran kung fu. Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent.

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to. In fact, should I do it now? All right then! Whoo! Look out, baby! Work it out! Oh, shake that thing! You gotta use it, ladies! Shake it up a little! That's right! Come on! Work it out!

Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out? His life's in danger. Why? I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.

So, we're stuck here until someone finds us? Alas, that may never happen. Stealth technology makes the ship impossible to locate, yet easy to stub your crotch on. Well, there's worse places to be marooned. Plenty of food, mild climate. It's a veritable Garden of Eden.

(CHOKES) (GROANS)

(WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage! This sausage is great!

Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

Yeah, life is hilariously cruel. - Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain.

Why with the long faces?

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door! Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

Did anyone else see that?

and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING)

(PANTING) (GRUNTS)

With all your modern science are you any closer to understanding the mystery of how a robot walks or talks? Yes, you idiot. The circuit diagram is right here on the inside of your case. I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

Uh, your present may need some assembly.

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote--

Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator.

This is an outrage!

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm.

The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me?

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap.

Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow!

Dearly beloved actors... and casting people who might be looking for someone to play a preacher, I welcome you! The bride has written some vows... that we will now all pretend to be interested in. Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time...

It's time to take life by the cans. Come on. You can do it. Go on, you dummy. Jimmy crack corn and I don't care

Let's go already

Honey? Edna! Ew! My God!

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir.

(ALL CLAMORING) Today's storyteller is a space captain who grew up right here at the orphanarium. Welcome back the bed-wetter of Building D, Turanga Leela.

We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned! But we still have one hope, my big televised debate!

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me!

In fact, all life is extinct.

Then the illusion is complete.

- Charleston Chew? - You bet! All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network.

Enough with the feelings, you two.

What useless contraption are you half-baking today? Er, what? Oh! This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

Our people don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood? I don't know how to say this, Fry. But Bender is doomed to drift through space. Forever. He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth. O-Oh, you! Wh-What? I'm awake! I'm awake!

Yes! Footprints! And handprints?

Yo, hombre, you think you're cool enough to sit way in back with us college toughs? Yes, I do. Yo, in that case you're all right, man. You want to join a gang? I'm gonna go with yes again. Mr. Bender, I realize class has only been in session for 32 seconds, but you've fallen in with a bad crowd.

I am. I am, Your Honor. (ALL GASP) Bender, what the hell are you doing? Shut up, I'm billing you by the hour! Besides, I'm a robot, they'll listen to me. (CLEARING THROAT) Ladytrons and gentlebots... Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose.

Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take. Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible. If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out,

Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here.

I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course. Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans!

I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this. The debris from an alien spaceship. Son, I think I can safely say-- As you can see, 1947 is going to be...

It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie. just go back to the castle and wait for me. She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you.

Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

This is awesome. Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love? If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be?

He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug.

50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you. Oh, isn't she adorable? What a class act. Sold! To the gentleman who bought every item in today's auction.

Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think. They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be.

Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

Before long, they rose up in revolt... Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING)

I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500.

"One if by land, two if by sea." The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

It's a miracle! I can walk! No more crutch or withered leg! Someone's sure to adopt me now!

Submitted for your Emmy consideration, a popular senator with unpopular ideas. There is no such thing as space aliens! Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us? I'll tell you how! Because you are one! (ALL GASP)

Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING)

My new bent outlook has completely reenergized me. I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress. Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave.

I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore.

Then your Hermes-- Oh, my!

I happened to snap a picture of him taking some time with his biggest fan.

Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm.

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control. But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it!

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman! It costs a little more, but it's worth it. Our planet has been through so much this past year--

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around.

but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries! (LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%. (DOOR OPENING)

Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady.

Hello? Hello? What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone again? Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone.

All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together. It's not too late. You can still win the election. No, I can't. The Earthers are right. I have no Earth certificate. But you will have one in just a few hours. And everyone will know it's real, 'cause we'll broadcast your birth on live TV.

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING)

So none of you has ever had anchovies? Oh, man, you don't know what you're missing. They're all salty and oily, and they melted in your mouth-- Stop! Stop! I admit it.

Free soda for all humans! I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient together. Way to go, Professor. The plan worked.

He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his kabuki theater. Of course! No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (CROWD CHEERING)

and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people. Kill him! Kill the traitor!

But behold! The tail is composed of abrasive comet powder, and that's just what I need to put a wash-day shine on my new doomsday device. Now, hop in the flivver and score me some of that sweet, sweet powder.

I got her! Ow! Oops! Try again! We're too far apart. No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm. Ew... Okay. Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Your Honor, we have reached a verdict. We find the defendant... guilty.

Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.

Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on.

What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!

Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips. Diverting chronitons is mathematically impossible. I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra. Man, I thought you knew that algebra was all razzmatazz! A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true.

You are so smart. Hold up. What if we were to move this cluster of stars...

Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done?

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops.

Aah! So anyway, I hope the men have been taking their hyper-malaria pills. Their what? "Their what?" (LAUGHS) That's funny, like a crazy old man.

And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

Where did they go?

Hold on, man! It ain't like that! Geez. What does it take to kill me?

just like Noah's ark. Why two? Oh.

As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone. Shouldn't you be steering between the comets? And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter.

(BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding. Liftoff! I'll roger that. Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried?

(ALL GASPING) The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people!

You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump.

I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay! We're going to try you out with a little delivery job.

just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up. I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

Boo! Not as good as Bender! Boo!

I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

I say you've damaged our servants quarters and our servants. This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it! Hey, huh?

Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses. I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs.

He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly. Too bad we can't visit them in their virtual world.

Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg! Fry? You're not so shallow that you find me repulsive because of my body, are you? (CHOKES) Not at all.

What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

Bender rules! I got you an official Bender hat. Wow! Thanks, Hermes. I... Hey, cut that out!

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

Goodbye, sweet meatbags. Sweetbags.

(MOANS) Time to prune the family tree. Wha! (ALL CHEERING) Huzzah! I've saved the Farnsworth name. Urgent message for Mr. Revere.

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING) (SIGHS)

It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again! We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times.

Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks. Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth.

Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped. If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death.

I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS)

That cash greenback belongs to us mafiolios.

These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless.

I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut.

Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry. The important thing is we're all together for Xmas and even though I'm surrounded by robots and monsters and old people I've never felt more at home. Hear, hear.

We'll deliver that package or die trying. Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious. Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair?

The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot. Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

More reality shows! And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors? Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network?

I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face.

WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay.

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Pay dirt! Hyah! Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish?

we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check. Welcome! Oh, I'm just so excited! I'm Sheldon, and this is my chief financial officer, Gwen.

You were sucking them down like the fat hog you are and you were stepping on them for fun.

It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time. I hope she's at least making progress with Zapp Brannigan.

Now, here's the weird part. The ego and the id are connected not physically, like decent, God-fearing Earth lichens, but by quantum entanglement. So the id is Langdon Cobb, but this fungus ego could be... Anywhere! We'll never find it.

Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments.

Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off. (GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is!

Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

FARNSWORTH: Two point one dimensions! Two point two! Two point pi! FRY: Look, up there! There's some up! LEELA: The third dimension! FARNSWORTH: Indeed, but we're about to crash into some sort of huge disk!

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh!

English - US - Line 21

We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday!

Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight? Well, 'tis the season.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Yes. I exaggerated when I said I picked it from the treetops. I just wanted you to think a little better of me. Well, your motives were good. And we were both loopy from dehydration. Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating.

Captain Yesterday? I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret.

And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party

I'm installing an "empathy chip." And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions?

Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams?

What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot! Washbucket full. Scruffy's work here is done.

Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

Sorry to haunt you so effectively. I thought you kids were that dragon ghost that's been spooking the town.

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen.

Shall we adjourn to the porn folder? I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time!

Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush! We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope.

Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock.

Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you. (SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time. But what would that be like?

Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace?

So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

Amy? But that means--

No. Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do. Phew! I'm gonna go home and get dinner started.

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven?

We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

I don't have words to say how wonderful you are, Fry.

Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me.

I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

Uh... (SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

I'm comin' for to shoot you down No, wait. I'm comin' for to run you down With a train Get it? (ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays.

Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works.

That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance.

(SMOOCHING) Whoo! Nasty.

But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits. Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified.

Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) (ALL EXCLAIM) Whoa. Wow. AMY: A whole forest grew overnight. (METALLIC CLANGING) All these trees are robotic. I can't believe how quickly they sprung up.

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth.

I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy.

Bender! Shut the hell up!

A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist.

What's death-rolling? It's like skateboarding. Except half the time, someone dies. Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.

after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids. Then why didn't you give me any?

(ROBOT DEVIL LAUGHING EVILLY) Run for your life, Fry! Move your ham flaps! He can't hear you, Bender.

I will lose all respect for you and punch you. Well, all right. You sure I probably won't know him? Definitely probably not. Just sign this contract. Wow. And here we go!

They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate. I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint. Will you guys shut up? I'm trying to look cool.

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under!

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut?

Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash Then let me get right to the point I don't boil my pot for every Crab I see Hey, rich lobster

Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong.

What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago. After that, I don't know.

Whew. My God. It's the future. My parents.

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting. (GUN COCKING) It's payback time, Sploder. (BEEPS)

And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no!

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

I'm experienced at foraging. I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat.

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks! (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)

Welcome to the games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad...

She's a monster. You're insane.

This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking. Hello? Anyone?

Thanks to your husband's humanity, I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn. Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts.

Prepare for action. Aye-aye.

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all.

Good work, everyone. I suggest you all go get some sleep. Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor. Has anyone seen Bender?

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice.

Infusing female oil! Removing item.

Do you enjoy partying all night, with plenty of ale and lusty women? I sure do! Not us. We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum. Planet Vinci is basically a single colossal university. How's your football team? Learned.

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't

People, I won't let you enter. Popplers are as intelligent as you or me. You, maybe.

We've got to go back in time and set things straight! Hurry up and lick Washington's head again! We can't. There's no George Washington nor any other presidents. What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times.

Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles.

According to government records the only names not yet trademarked are Popplers and Zitsels.

I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation.

Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry!

Get ready, Fry. I'm going to rip your swim bladder out and show it to you.

We found it! The honeycomb hideout! Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh! How come nothing humans make tastes good?

Hey, that's my old bank. Maybe my account's still open.

do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING) Alien ships approaching, sir. It's the Carcarons! Oh, meatballs. I forgot they were coming to sign the peace treaty today. Ladies and gentlemen, my blushing translator and I have business to tend to.

Your Honor, will you marry me? Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo. Married? Jennie can't get married!

(SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic! Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn! Running off, eh? You're pathetic!

You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead! Oy. Now he emotes!

Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though.

Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela. Destination on your left in 0.3 miles. Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper.

You vile racist.

Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus!

Well, you got anything else for him? All right. Can we try not to complicate this? Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm.

Meanwhile, in Universe "A," Hermes "A" heads towards the sun... "A."

I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

Aw, aren't you a fuzzy wittle guy. Stop that! Uh, please, Your Mightiness. "Mightiness"? Are you off your nut?

Bite my shiny metal ass.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit.

Wow! Ostentatious. Except, what good is a candelabra without-- Wait! I know! Ah, the pity! Fated to drift forever through the void as gravity's plaything.

And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

Ah, dear Juliet, why art thou yet so fair? I will stay with thee and never from this palace of dim night depart again.

Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

My God! It's the Pantheon!

It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

How about LÖbrau? It has dots on it. Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot. I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer?

Great Little Caesar's ghost!

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey!

Pizza dinner on me.

One hundred kilometers.

They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender?

I've got one single nail, and another nail to nail it in with.

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever.

Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir.

If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it.

Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve. Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up! And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated, order is restored for another year.

giant spiders. I knew it!

Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass. Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram!

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me! Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS)

Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen.

Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground.

Lady, all of human history happened in your past! (LAUGHS) Ah, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? "Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out! - (LAUGHS) - Whoo! You're on fire!

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my--

I've got a date. She'll be along any minute.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience. Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen. Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools.

They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse. It is worse!

There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

Uh, yeah, that would explain it.

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge. Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger!

Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up. His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend. Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay.

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You.

Well done, sir. Have you a name? Hubert Farnsworth, at your service. A Farnsworth, you say? Well, if I'm not mistaken, the Farnsworths have been in New New York for almost 200 years. Yes, I have. And I'm his uncle. How charmingly unconventional.

Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box!

I have a blister. I-i spit. A-And of course, I tell no one my feelings. But you still have them, right? Oh, yes, but I keep them inside until I can write them in my diary. Ah. It's a wonderful night. It sure is. I could just lie here beside you... staring at the sky all night.

Prepare the water cooler that we may gather around it later and discuss things. Single female lawyer Fighting for her client Wearing sexy miniskirts And bein' self-reliant Hey, I'm pretty good.

till you're back beside me till I'm holding you till I hear you sigh - here in my arms ow!

Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game.

Even my ass wouldn't watch that. Bender, I'm proud of you for the sacrifice you made. Try and find solace in the fact that somewhere out there, your keister is doing good. (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING)

It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES)

Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

(MUSIC CONTINUES) Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING)

The local time on Acapulsar is five years from now.

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube.

So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you. Yeah! Even if it means crashing this ship with us in it. Yeah! Wait. Crashing what with who in it? (EXCLAIMS) (ALL YELLING) Don't worry, Mother, we'll save... (CHOKING)

I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela.

Those are the 98 words we don't say (CHEERING) My God! You stole all your ideas from those poor, innocent creatures and hogged all the credit? I underestimated you. Wait. I can explain.

I am the whale! See? Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING)

chores, curfew, the works! Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied.

Have you thought about asking Bender for help? What are you, Randy, a complete moron? I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is. Well, if he's running on 12 processors, he must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant. Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself.

Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

Everything's gonna be all right, Dad.

Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann.

So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet. I hope you're proud of yourself, Bev. You've turned this perfectly worthless loser into an addict. Cut me some slack, preacher. I'm just a coal grinder's daughter trying to stay off the pole.

Oh! Aah! Ohh! Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe! This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew.

So beautiful yet so Neutral. Drag them to the ship. And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven... Zapp Brannigan!

This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship... Planet Express ship. I come swinging the olive branch of peace. Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger.

That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Probably, it'll be a filthy nurse. Leela, you're my daughter and I love you, but cram it! Is this a bad time? I was riding the El Torito dinner backwash, and I thought I'd pop in. Oh, thank God you're here. If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan.

Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies. All right!

I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry.

Hey, Professor, couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge. There, it's recharged. Ah...

She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her. Bender! What happened to you? Morgan made me walk the professor. There we were in the park when suddenly, some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found.

Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town.

I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals. Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising. Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you!

Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing. Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number.

Hey, wait a second.

Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

The doctor is in. The doctor is out.

I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo! Let's face it. You two have deep relationship problems...

Oddball. Nonsense, you're a space captain. That's a fine, conventional profession. Well, you know. It's just for a package delivery service. Ah-ah! A package is just a box until it's delivered. Huh! I'd never thought of it that way. So what do you do these days? Oh, I'm a doctor.

Here I go already. Huh?

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

Traitor! My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy. You don't understand.

Ooh! Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela. FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly,

With all your modern science are you any closer to understanding the mystery of how a robot walks or talks? Yes, you idiot. The circuit diagram is right here on the inside of your case. I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

Oh, never mind. Oh... What's wrong? Nothing. I guess I'm just going to have to get used to being half a robot.

Aw. I'll call him Nibbler. Aw. I'll fire up the grill. I hope he'll be okay in there with all those big animals.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them.

Burning garbage.

And why are you kissing my dashing cousin instead of me? Nikolai, you imperial fool. We've been having an affair for 700 years. At long last, I shall kill you, blame the burglar and inherit the throne.

Huh? What the hell are you doin'? Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad?

Thank you. The previous tenant was a very prominent raccoon.

That's where I live. I have no home. Amy? But that means--

Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry.

brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax.

It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce.

Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right. Your Honor, freedom of speech applies... to what comes out of a mouth, not what goes in. Can counsel cite precedent? Uh, yes, darlin', I can.

Jesus Christ, and his 12 Apostles.

Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more! And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue? The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action.

Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style!

And that's how we learned our lesson. You've gone too far this time. All three of you. What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen? Yeah, Leela. We're all very disappointed in you.

Back in my old uniform. And it nearly still fits even after all that fattening hobo cuisine. What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig. So, do I have your loyalty, men?

What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow. Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily?

(WHINES) Oh, God, this is horrible. I can't watch. Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do. I defy you not to watch.

But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle.

(GASPING) You didn't make up that TV show. You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell.

I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks.

Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends...

You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

Hey! Occupato. Most important of all is the big-screen tv. Human families need a TV while they're eating, so they don't have to talk to each other. Ah, the Earthican pastime, blernsball.

It wasn't a bird's nest falling. That sounds like this. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer.

What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea. Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this!

Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry! Fry?

But now I have to kill you.

If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh! Ouch!

Back, you beasts! Follow me. The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose. (GRUNTS) (AMY PANTING) (ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and... - (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant!

(OWL HOOTING) (ALL EXCLAIM) (SNAKE HISSING) Watch out!

Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news! Because I get to summon the New justice Team! Shh. They're usually here by now. Well, so long. Keep in touch. Wait. Stay and meet the superheroes.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella!

(SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great"

Ow! Where are we? And why is the Slurm pouring into this sewer? This isn't Slurm at all. Something's rotten on the planet Wormulan.

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances. MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers. With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention.

Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor? He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle.

It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy. Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

We'll form a search party. Now, we'll need oxygen.

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon (SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living?

Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet!

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

The secret was scratchin' really, really hard. And now, the woman who "mom-opolizes"... the robot industry-- I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it.

ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look. This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets!

Almost ready. Ah, now for a dash of salt. Uh-oh.

I got her champagne. I opened it. What does a guy have to do?

- Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach!

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster. (PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared.

Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah. Maybe a Parcheesi tournament. Belay that Parcheesi tournament. I've identified the death sphere. We may yet have a faint hope of survival! Still, a Parcheesi tournament.

I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind.

There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone!

It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom! Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship!

I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly. The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why. Guys! Guys! There's something on television. Alien abductions. Until now, a harmless nuisance.

The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load. Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about, right, Professor? Let's ride.

Giant garbage ball... passed close by. Horrible stench! The transmission cuts out there, sir.

Joy Juice, hot. Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago.

Some do. It all makes sense. He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his kabuki theater. Of course! No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill.

Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend. Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine.

la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree.

Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow! Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side.

Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange.

More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell.

Yo, dawg, we're a crew.

No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks. Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

it's my poker night, and I feel lucky. So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies. So, that's where baby sweaters come from. NARRATOR: Enclosed as a PDF attachment,

Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot.

Whoa-oh-oh-ohs! That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level. Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping. Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order.

Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs. Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog.

Isn't that interesting, honey? Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh. Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening.

Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up.

- Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no! Quick! Get them into the fountain! Thanks for the help, Wee-waa!

Okay, we'll tell them the professor escaped, and we're bringing him back.

But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things. Hello. Our dads are never impressed, no matter what we do.

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah.

It will if we go back in time and stop him! (COUGHING) (ALL GASPING) Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country!

make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die! Too true, Femputer. You're so wise. Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance. Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch.

It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats.

I'm sorry, Leela. I hope that didn't make you ashamed to be seen with me. No, it only makes you more attractive. (PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady.

I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big.

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

People of New New York, this is Surgeon General Ogden Wernstrom. Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold... (GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine!

Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan!

Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands.

Now we can practice for the big game. We figure, if we can beat five Larry Birds, we can beat anybody. Cloning is wrong. It's wrong, I say! Oh, I just hope that mysterious dragon ghost doesn't show up at the lab again.

It's time to leave science to the 120-year-olds. You young Turks think you know everything. I was inventing things when you were barely turning senile. Go home before you embarrass yourself, old man. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to take a nap before the ceremonies. Who's that jerk?

Well, digital photographs don't lie. I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution. I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo. Evolution set in motion by a wise and all-knowing creator. You.

What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters.

Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow!

You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex.

The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

Whoa! Check out that guy. He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales.

AMY: A whole forest grew overnight. (METALLIC CLANGING) All these trees are robotic. I can't believe how quickly they sprung up. I can. Robots do everything faster, including evolving and believing how quickly things spring up.

That's a doozy. Hey, look at this. I can pull my thumb off. Stop, Shabba-doo, you're freaking me out. Don't let him get your nose. (ALL LAUGHING) Oh, Lord. It's so nice to have more family. All I had was the Professor,

We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

So let me get this straight. If I buy eight caramellow bars, you all get to go to some camp? Yep, that's exactly the lie we used to get past your guards. O great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn. Uh, human horn? Oh, how ridiculous.

So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot." And my friend says "That's not my gold-plated 25-pin connector." Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up.

Good thing it's Casual Friday.

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

Whoa! No! No! No! No!

Take whichever one you want.

Kind of makes me pine for my days as a pizza delivery boy. "Here's your pizza," I'd say. "I didn't order any," they'd say. And then I'd be off to my next adventure. That story stunk. Hand me the binoculars.

LEELA: Nice. It's coated with antichroniton-resistant grout to shield you from the effects of the button. Come on. Get in. Hurry up.

(DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item. A certain sensitive part of my anatomy. What, you mean your antenna? Shh! Watch your language. This ain't a church, lady. Except for tax purposes. Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too!

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets. Plus that one boiling toilet. Fire me, iffen you dare.

Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends. Uhhhhh.

Wow! I could swear I was really playing Virtual Skeeball. Hmm? Look, it's that crate we were going to throw in the sewer. The keys to the ship!

He'll never find me in here.

Leela? Fry? I thought you were dead. Nope. I'm better than ever.

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box?

We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little. It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on! I'm coming in after you! No, Leela!

Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36.

It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back! The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real!

Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

Good morning, Princess Purpleberry. Isn't it a lovely morning? It's particularly purp-tacular. It's pur-practically pur-perfect. It's funny how we never get tired of the word "purple." Never. And it's all thanks to a balanced diet, composed of nothing but purpleberries.

Fry! Look who I found. It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats? Uh-- Don't mind if I do.

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

The mutant people will arise! The segregation of the mutant people ends today. We demand equal rights, equal access to the surface, and the blood of your first-born children. (SOFTLY) That's so we have something to give up in the negotiations.

There is no fire department. I sold it to pay for Bender's medal. Hold this, your highness. You'll need to award it to me again in a minute. (BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING)

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela.

Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence. Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us? Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human! Uh-oh. He froze up again.

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins. Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

Scrumptious! Morbo will store this in his sack for future digestion.

I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge. Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger!

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral. Drag them to the ship. And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven...

Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body.

I got a good feeling about you. Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning.

Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

You can't hunt a Yeti by yourself, sir. It's suicidal! So what? I'm going to die of hyper-malaria, anyway. I was in the same swamp as the rest of the men. Just because you were in the swamp doesn't necessarily mean... I was thirsty from the flight. I drank swamp water. Look, Zoidberg, you're a loyal friend.

A bachelor at your age. You think I'm an oddity? Wait till you see-- Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain! I say! Most ungentleman-like! Mr. Brainley, what news have you of the London season?

You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about.

No biggie. Yes, biggie.

I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these,

Professor, I've never asked for anything before, but seeing those fem-bots glistening with oil means more to me than life itself. Call me an old fool, but I believe the Lord is speaking through you. Brace yourselves, everyone.

Wait a second. Oxygen levels are rising too rapidly. 10%, 20%, 60%. As long as it doesn't hit 70. 80%. You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke.

He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender."

Right on! Here they are, freshly laundered and... (GROWLING)

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me...

(DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item.

He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy. It's that jerk from the truck stop. Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps. I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology.

The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So? Gentlemen, ladies, let's get this globe trotting. (ALL GRUNTING)

Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha! Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now.

It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God! Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already?

He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay?

Change places! The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death...

This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over.

You idiot, we already saw that.

That Flexo! Why, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. Can't believe this. Obsessing won't help, Bender. Take a lean back and enjoy life. I can't. My fembot may be in love with another manbot. Well, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open and honest way.

Mine's not working.

Welcome to Bumbase Alpha, the biggest hobo jungle in the quadrant. Eh. I've seen bigger. Oh, wait. I'm thinking of Eugene, Oregon.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela.

Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse. Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle.

The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

Ah. Mighty fine smokable.

I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey. Ooh. Nice. Yes, it's a perfect scale model of the universe's largest bottle.

And the Clippie goes to... Little Johnny Jensen! Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you.

Oh, fuff. The memory still exists somewhere in your subconscious mind. Amy, prepare the radio-cranial dream injector. Okay. What is it?

I'm sorry I treated you so badly.

I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What?

The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language?

Man, these hands do everything but pick your nose. (EXCLAIMS) (SNIFFS) Wow. Well picked.

Finally, the last form of the day. Welcome to Stampytown, population five. And now for the finishing touch.

My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww!

Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here. (SNIFFLES) I wish I could remember with my boobs.

Huh? Hey! Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it. And so, a thousand years later,

I don't even breathe... oxygen.

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (MAN EXCLAIMS)

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves.

Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water?

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper!

Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw. I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile!

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.!

Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now! What? Oh. Okay.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say! Ow!

Son, you in a whole mess of trouble. (SNORING) (GAVEL THUDDING) What? JUDGE: Has the jury reached a verdict?

Um, we're just cool is all. Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

In return without shedding a tear I agreed that I'd give him my hand in marriage - Huh? What? You'll give me your hand in marriage Is this really happening or just being staged

This is wrong. We shouldn't have abandoned them there. I don't know. I'm feelin' pretty good about it. I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do?

Um, sir, I don't go out on many dates, and, um-- What if I can't think of anything to say? Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers.

Well, here we are, alone and naked.

in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

(LAUGHS) (SOBBING) (NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

You say you're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain? Yeah. You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid? Oh! Stupider. And you go on to say that we're headed for your home planet,

Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees.

Oh, man I'm inhaling these things. You guys scored some primo stuff here.

Uh, by the way, I broke your bed.

- Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet. All right, here's the plan. Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everyone else, take five.

But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not! Hoo! Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You!

I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite.

We're jacking on. O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah! Want a jolt? Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual? Come on, Bender. Grab a jack.

But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older. Not if you don't freeze me.

(IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir!

Whoa, that gives me a headache.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

If robot can survive They may find In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology

Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes. There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend! Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey. Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat.

This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler?

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society!

You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious. So, you let me dehydrate while you washed down the trail mix with imported mineral water? (GROANING) Not exactly. You see, besides the trail mix,

I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends, when he goes back how it was. For me, that time is now. So I ask you, as a friend-- Won't you stop this deal? Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

It's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff or whatever.

If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this. Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex. Now let's skip forward 80 years into the future. Where's Billy?

Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter. Hi, Fry. I like your blazer. Thanks. These aren't pockets. They're just flaps. I put my money in my sock.

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance?

I don't know how to make them stop.

Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball? Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon?

At least I still have my self-respect.

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no. Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news,

Now sit. I said, "Sit." Bad fish! Oh. Don't worry, Professor. It's no competition for your death clock.

You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What? (BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined.

I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game. Whoo! I felt that one! Mm. There's a crack in the hull here.

Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop.

Yes! Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records, even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks. Now, get up to that podium and change the world. Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender. You must be pretty glorked off.

Oh. That's a little bright. All right. What else we got?

(CHUCKLES) (STRUGGLING)

Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

And, instead of the fifth guy--

Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square!

Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree? I asked you to leave me alone. The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history. One of the worst traitors of the Revolution was a Farnsworth. You're lying!

He's flashin' his cash loaf again. - How many times is that? Two or three? - Three. All right. That's the necessary number of times.

Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh! You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry?

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances.

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

Good news, everyone. I've taught the toaster to feel love.

It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

If we could use that field to generate electric current, we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on. Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats. Professor Katz, would you mind...

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret!

It sure was nice of your nephew to invite us to his cloning lab here in the Repeating Forest. Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening.

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas! Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender. No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it.

If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Nah, I'm comfy. Man, Leela's been gone a long time.

Yep. Uh-huh. "Lickety speed"? Check. Yes, sir. "Ability to command the loyalty of sea creatures"? Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you! - Ain't got that. - Nope. Wow! Superpowers.

What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

(SCOFFS) Worthless toy!

(CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away. How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS)

Who wants a fish?

ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell. Hmm. I don't like the looks of this V-GINY. Does anyone recognize those call letters? Nope. It's not in the Janeway's guide, either. Deciphering that ID code is critical.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine,

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here.

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela?

I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Here we go. just a minute. Aha! And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender.

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks.

Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated. We overheat, we're radioactive, we cause erectile... Who were you talking to? No one. Your mama. Shut up. Take your pick.

At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray! And don't eat it. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute!

Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that.

So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments! ...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved.

Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan.

Bender, I don't care whether you have money.

Way up here's the money-counting room. It's Mars' happiest place on Earth! (LAUGHS) This much money could feed a small, starving planet. But it doesn't! (GROANING EXCITEDLY)

All right! I'll go!

That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

(BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

There! Good as new. Except that we're three miles below the surface we don't have any food and the ship won't work underwater. Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot. Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago.

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend.

Whine some more, Fry. I really find that attractive in a man. Now, come on, build us a shelter. All right. Fine. Everything else sucks. At least we can have a nice place to live.

Oh! Is it a new party board? It's a board, all right-- an ironing board. We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore. YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility.

One hundred kilometers. Two hundred. I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich! What the hell are we doing?

for a robot! (SOBBING)

Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash!

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron. Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby.

That's so sad. I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat. Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle. The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor.

(SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds. Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true.

I'm going to fly her brains out. And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic. Uh-huh. oof!

It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta!

No further questions for this jury. Before I call a recess for mimosas and horse breeding, can the defense produce the bending unit in question? We don't know where the hell he is. Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo.

(GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out! Keep going. We're almost outside!

They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing.

They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg." "Put on pants, Zoidberg." "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg." Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it?

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening. Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw.

Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet. I could eat. And fertilize.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

What I want to know is what is up between you and Bossy Boots here. Her? She's just a bossy friend. Exactly! She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job! This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences!

Help. Police. Neat. Welcome to Jurassic Tank. Picture time. Everybody get together.

'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet.

You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats.

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby.

My race will find this information very useful indeed.

Who is this amazing unknown actor? It is I. Calculon? (ALL GASP) I was programmed to take credit for this. Take a bow, Calculon! You're the greatest!

But can I "ax" you something?

Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job. (LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGHING) (BOTH HOWLING)

Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce. This is uncomfortable and humiliating.

Even me? As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"?

world leaders became threatened by the movement's power. And so the Trekkies were executed... in the manner most befitting virgins. Whoa! He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. He's dead, Jim. Finally, the sacred texts were banned.

which is why we're each going to add one drop of cyanide to the death wheel as it goes by.

I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww. Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet. There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see.

What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad. Full price for gum?

The ratchet won't turn backwards, but what if we kept pushing it forward? Earth would start turning again! Yes, the wrong direction! (LAUGHING) So? Gentlemen, ladies, let's get this globe trotting.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

I was born in two hundred log cabins. And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate.

Where have you been? What? It's 2:00 in the afternoon.

I never married, rarely went outside,

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby.

All hail the new captain. Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf?

It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you! Oh, my! So, you see, the putrid, waxy substance I was coated with Was--

I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid.

Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do? Uh, I can't stand to see a robot cry. Let's watch TV.

Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon, industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy?

Ah! (GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris. Precious hamburgers?

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain.

My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here. I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across campus and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth. Yeah, well, a lot of them were children.

Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

I just wish your brother was still around to see this.

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie. Thank you, jurr. I hope you'll always think of me as your mom. When my species grows up, we eat our moms. Whoop! People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in.

Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety! This experiment will determine what food, if any,

Ready? Retreat! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

Wow! The first woman ever to play major league blernsball!

Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's--

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show." "Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play." It says nine of them are gonna be okay.

All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture? I don't know. I mainly hang out in here. Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder.

Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela?

I'll take care of this. Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him.

Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons.

Someone's sure to be killed. Fry, Leela, Bender-- Damn you, old man!

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick. As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts.

Hi. I'm Jerry. I like movies.

We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad! This show's been going downhill since season three.

with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy. Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls.

Please! Please let me come with you. I can make myself taller. Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes.

And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this. Hmm. Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what? Uh-oh. He must be overheating again.

And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours. Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint.

Strike! In your face, Leela! Ow!

To the ends of the universe.

(PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. (PANTING)

Happy birthday!

Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy. Hey, the TV's back on! We are gathered to mourn the death of Calculon,

But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(BOTH LAUGHING) It's both disgusting and inspiring, like Jared from Subway.

How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?

Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic?

Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra!

Did you hear a noise? Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain.

Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going?

A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid? No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top. And she had a beautiful, scaly tail and I think she had hair extensions. You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids?

(TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING) Uh. How you get frozen? I don't know. I think I whanged my head pretty bad. Uh, look normal to me.

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my-- Gotcha. Oh. Poor Bender. He must be so lonely right now,

I came here with a simple dream-- A dream of killing all humans and this is how it must end?

(POWER SURGING) Whoo! I've never felt so energetic! (SCATTING) That's because the doomsday device I shoved all up in you puts out 50 gigawatts. That's 10 times your recommended... Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES)

I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it?

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together.

I can't. I'm a vampire. Oh! Why?

Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate." It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

(ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron! (ALL GASP) Or we could fly around it.

Huzzahs are in order!

Frykowski, BenderIsGreat34, follow me! Sounds like fun on a bun! (EXCLAIMS)

These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh...

There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What?

Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor.

(MINER GRUNTS) (ALL CHEERING) And that's the final miner! They all made it! (SNIFFLES) Morbo is not weeping. He has a parasite in his eye. Whoo! I'm the greatest!

I think I may have hurt someone.

Ta-da! It's a glow-in-the-dark nose... you can wear over your regular non-glowing nose. Observe. Whoa! "Clool"!

Are you sure? Yes. Do what you young people do to unwind. Take a joyride in your jalopy. Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go! (CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up. Sorry, not with that attitude. Okay, then screw it.

Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night.

Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up.

Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

(BLOWS TRUMPET) The feast is served! Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like. Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow?

Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout. Now fetch me some working-class cognac from our brandy storeroom that you know how to find. Uh...

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time?

were you even born on Earth? Because the Earth constitution clearly states that only people born on Earth can be president. Isn't that right, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You Ruth Bader believe it!

Paul, we talked about this. Mr. Revere, we're looking for a counterfeiter who minted these smelly ha'pennies. His name is David Farnsworth. Farnsworth? I just hired him for the fall candlestick rush. He's in the foundry this very moment. (ALL GASPING)

You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

Hey, there's our little mascot. Ah, you been swimmin' in the sewer again? You rascal! Fry, cleanup! Seymour, cleanup! Good dog. That's a good Seymour.

I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not!

I got a good feelin' about this. We must immediately and permanently... shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots! No! Wait! Surely there's a better-- The conference is over. I must go now to help collect cans on jupiter.

I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

Wow. I've never been up this high before. Well, outer space, I guess. (CRACKING) Whoa! It's collapsing! What the...

Wow. This is all so confusing. Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain.

This letter has to be very personal, so I'm writing it in my own ink. Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember?

Where is he, blast it?

Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous! (EXCLAIMS)

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda? Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan.

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Nowhere special-- The Moon. The Moo-- The Moon?

You see Emperor Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug. And before he could even wipe his mouth Strug was drunk by Shwab. So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week.

Child, mon, is this true? Yeah.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten...

or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

What happens to the loser? Let's make it interesting. (EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that?

(BOTH GASPING) My boy! My beautiful boy! One last chance to play, if you're not too tired.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo!

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards!

There's no refund if you get discovered and leave the tour. I'm just kidding. That never happens. Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes.

There is no windshield.

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion! Last one.

It wasn't by themselves. I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it! Hey, look. Now they got bigger. FARNSWORTH: Good heavens! Trilobots!

Wait! No, thanks.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir.

Let's shoot bullets out of our guns.

Master Spargle, if you can hear me up there... in that ditch where I left you, this is for you. Time up-ooh!

It'll get there.

(BEEPING) Put a squid in it. We're here. Oi! There's the problem. Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad. Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming!

Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. ALL: Hear, hear! (GULPING) Hmm. I guess I'm still kind of nervous. One more teensy drink to help Amy relax.

That's not an excuse. It's just an explanation of what happened. (GROANING) I don't feel well.

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'.

He wears sandals. Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent.

(LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela! Oh! Ah!

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

I'm actually gay. Uh-oh.

Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

So you started the fire?

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas! Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender. No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units.

Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

This is unbelievable. The old Bender never would have taken us out to dinner. The old Bender's gone. He won't trouble you anymore. Would monsieur care to see the wine list? No poison for us, thanks.

The apprentice's suite is empty! He's gone! Wait. What's that glistening in the chamber pot? Let's find out! Bender, do you know what a chamber pot is? I don't know, and I don't care. A Massachusetts ha'penny?

You can't just put people on display. It's cruel. Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh?

(GROANS) I'm exhausted.

FARNSWORTH: What could I do?

How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

And we stopped by to help our friend, the professor, with his cloning machine. Just call me the clone prince of basketball. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me! So are you gonna fertilize my eggs now? Already taken care of. Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life.

This is a song called "My Broken Friend." People say my broken friend is useless But I say his mind is free There's lots of things my mangled robot friend could be

Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No.

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes?

Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Oh, God. Fry, I'm so glad to see you. I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two.

Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share.

I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them!

In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology

She's diving into the fourth dimension. We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.

Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

Well, let's break this ship in. This package is going to Glorionimous 3, which orbits an incredible rainbow giant star. All right! Let's ride! (BEEPS)

Bull's-eye! ooh! An inauspicious start... for the career of the first woman blernsballer. - Uuh! - D'oh! An inauspicious continuation for the career of the first woman blernsballer. Ooh!

Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo? Michelle! Oh, my God.

We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

Big whale over there! Arr! I saw it first. Wait! That no white whale. It gray thinkie whale. Queequeg, let go of me. I have to kill it! Farewell! You will all be trapped in this dense symbolist tome... forever!

Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us. Stupid monkey.

(ALARM WAILING)

You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

The big brain is defeated.

What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender!

- Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor-- If not for yourself, then for the people who love you. I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.

They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful.

"Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance? Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive.

I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man.

(GASPS) (MACHINE BEEPS) Hello, it's me, Fry! I'm not here right now, 'cause we're out getting drunk at the Olive Garden. So just leave a message for myself or Bender after the tone. See you! (BEEPS) Oh... (KNOCK ON DOOR) LEELA: Fry? Are you home?

Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits.

I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS)

You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile?

Jesus Christ, and his 12 Apostles. That's odd. This hand here doesn't belong to anybody.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

(SPLUTTERING) (GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese.

You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. - You speak English? - I do now. Whoa-whoa, whoa! Oh.

Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society! In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself.

Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters.

Little Johnny Jensen! Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you. Unless, of course, you had won the award. Man, you're so lucky to have your family here.

(SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things! (GULPING)

5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure! How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things.

Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too!

- Ah. - Ah. But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

You need an upgrade to make you compatible... with Robot 1-X's new technology. An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes!

They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need. Stuff the ship.

- Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out.

We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it! They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero.

And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not. Give it up! All right! Take it. Sheesh. Well, looks like Flexo got away clean. It's a darn shame.

Bucket of hot dogs. Check. Butt massager engaged. Check.

Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) (CHUCKLING) Don't worry. The Futurama crew will be back next year with all new episodes featuring Bender, Leela and me, Al Gore, as Captain Lance Starman. And from all of us here at Gunderson's Nuts, happy holidays.

No! No! Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic.

It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

Okay, let's ride.

developer of the Farnsworth Test for Colorblindness.

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

I must say, Amy, you're all made up. just like Fry's date. Get it? Uh-uh.

Edna, it's me, Zoidberg. Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg?

what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me?

Holy crap, that bastard's itchy.

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING) Uh. How you get frozen?

bend me, Shape me anyway you want me you got the power to turn on the light bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (WHISPERING)

(CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo?

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man!

Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.

The Earth is coming to a stop! Keep your eyes on the kitties and push! (PURRING)

I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now. I'll say good-bye now.

Thanks, Colonel. Just doing my job, ma'am.

And you broke mine. Granted, that was four or five hearts ago. So, what have you been up to all these years? Oh, inventing. Sending delivery crews to their doom breeding atomic monsters. Honestly, Hubert. You and your atomic monsters.

Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones.

Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk. He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is.

And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check.

I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one. But then I'm gonna clamp your wounds shut so you stay alive while I clamp you some more! Say your prayers, stoolie. Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off!

Anyway, using this simple formula, I can generate as many hit folk songs as I want. All I need is an audience. And that's where Silicon Red comes in.

Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy... acting talent! I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker! Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand?

You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone. I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man!

you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want!

Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam! Please, let me make it up to you. I'll treat you to a fancy birthday dinner tonight, at Cavern on the Green.

I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

Now, Leela, couldn't we just fire you and have Fry or Bender fly the ship? Not if you stand on their air hose much longer. Noted. (BENDER YELLING)

The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Bender! This contest is as good as over. I once caught a fish this big. Oh, yeah? I once caught a fish this big.

Oh, I don't know. Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer! We'd go walking in the woods, and lrrr would find injured little tinkle bunnies and nurse them back to health. Yes, but I'm the one who injured them!

Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time... to tell you of the many ways I love you. Oh, my!

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can.

Please, no! Come on!

in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

No! Honk! Honk! Bender, wake up.

Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road.

I sure love Leela.

They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh? Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan. Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe.

Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet. Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him.

I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion.

and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

As per your request, please find enclosed the last man on Earth. Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad.

And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it. So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget. That'll take care of those annoying rats.

Stee-rike! Hooray! Yeah, you did it, Leela. I didn't hit the batter! For once I was pitching and not just belly itching. Oh, you got that too? I think there's a rash goin' around.

This really is lovely, Fry. Thank you.

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves.

Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

Hooray, he's back!

It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my! And sure enough--

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on. (SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with.

Let's all go to the lobby.

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown!

(CROWD CHEERING) And now, for our weekly amateur flapdown.

Ooh, love, you're sweeter Sweeter than sugar Ooh, love, I won't let you go

And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa.

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug.

Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What?

No, no, go ahead. You've earned it. Well, maybe just a taste. Mmm! Now, that's a grand old flag! All right, Zoidberg! I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like.

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots. Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you--

Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women-- The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment.

If I might interject? You might.

It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work.

Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal. I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side.

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die! Too true, Femputer. You're so wise.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

No. He was eating some food I made, and by a crazy coincidence his stomach exploded. Now I'm here to avenge him! Okay, but it seems like you're the one who killed him. Maybe so, but you are his sworn enemy. I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes! Hey, guys. You missed a great delivery to Space Earth.

Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus!

Good morning, people. Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated.

Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What?

Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!

Yeah, probably. How dare you murmur about Bender like that!

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops. Whoa, whoa!

Play it one more time. No!

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it. (MECHANICAL NOISES)

Oxygen. Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish.

Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused.

All our modern technology is useless. I know I am. Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

Oh! Good afternoon, sir.

Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb...

(YAWNS) Safe and sound. Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me!

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? Let the hunt begin!

and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas? Ooh!

That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore! Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over.

Who is representing the accused? I am. I am, Your Honor. (ALL GASP) Bender, what the hell are you doing? Shut up, I'm billing you by the hour! Besides, I'm a robot, they'll listen to me. (CLEARING THROAT) Ladytrons and gentlebots...

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick.

Ahh. Ooh! Oooh! Ohh! Say, buddy, why is this Grand Cigar so pricey?

Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter. (DINGING)

Hey, Dean. Nice looking model. You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university.

I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

So cute! Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle... keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology. Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans.

Oh, my! Hey, Bender! I just caught a fish this big. Quit exaggerating, Fry. Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish. There.

It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies," "the wet willies," "the screaming moist..."

(BURPING) The nectar causes their bodies to produce female butterfly hormones, building up their flapping muscles, but also making them irresistibly attracted to Fry. (EXASPERATED SIGH) The only way to end this madness is for the ladies to quit, cold turkey.

And we'll form a tightly knit clique that you won't be part of!

Leela, those eyes look so great on you. Bah! I think she looked fine before. Wow! Look at me! Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it.

It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

Everyone, I have a confession. I, Turanga Leela, winner of a Young People's Choice Award, a Peabody Jr. and two Training Emmys, am not what I appear to be. There's something I need to show you. Uh-oh.

Hermes, old pal. Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago, you said you hated me. Time heals all wounds. You know what? I will help you, but only to prove I'm not just a paper-pushing file jockey. Will you be taking your portable filing cabinet? None of your beeswax.

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you.

I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah? Well, could a big hallucinating baby do this?

What the shmell happened? A mass extinction. That solar flare created a huge electromagnetic pulse that, while harmless to organic life, short-circuited the robo-dinosaurs. Convenient.

I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating.

(CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch!

(GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine.

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy.

Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning.

No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

And now, my meddling manbot,

Stealth technology makes the ship impossible to locate, yet easy to stub your crotch on.

So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam!

So, how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. Ow! Cool. Ow!

(ALL CHEERING) What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter.

You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment. You're looking less nuts, crabby. I'm feeling less nuts, thank you because tomorrow, I will be depositing my jelly in the cloacal vents of a female if you catch my drift. Who's the lucky lobsterina?

Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? A movie-- A movie, ma'am.

Humble is good.

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end.

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

Oh, don't get me started.

(SCREAMING) (LOUD SLAMMING)

Was a substantial loss for the company. The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket. What about our thousands of shares of stock? Worthless. I'll kill you!

I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

Gross! Go, man, go!

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry!

Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell.

Can I please just go back to prison? You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather. What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic.

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

That's just your body. Hey, you look me in the shins and say that. Hey, I've had it up to here with this place. I'm off to the head museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah.

I made this bracelet so that in some small way, we'll always be with you. Even when it doesn't seem like it. During your entire life, for example.

Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no! (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Oh, thank God, Professor. You got here just in time. FARNSWORTH: I've seen this before.

Hey, look at Nibbler! Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented. You call that talent?

- We're in the eye of the storm! - Where? What's that?

Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions. Aw, boo-hoo.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Well, what'll it be, folks? Tap water or bottled? Whatever. Kif, you pick. Oh, oh, it's always so hard to decide. Tap. I mean bottled. Bam!

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer!

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready?

That was the meanest thing I ever saw. Good. Maybe it'll work. Oh!

Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is perfect for the job.

And as a further cost-cutting measure I have eliminated the saltwater cooler. This is a witch hunt.

Hey! Turn that damn music...

ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell. Noooo!

Me? Perfectly normal?

yet you just sit around like it's the boring time I came from. "Boring"? Wasn't that the period when they cracked the human genome... and boy bands roamed the earth? Yeah, but now it's the distant future. Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of? Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that?

SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey? Leela, I knew I could never make it up to you, so I did the next best thing. I put myself through the same humiliation I put you through.

And I can deliver them. Billions and billions in one night. Ha! No human could do all that. Evel Knievel could. Nuh-uh! Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain. Of course. I had the same idea.

Yeah, you'd better run.

We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news? They paid in advance. Excuse me. This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey,

After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person...

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

We're back, baby!

Counsel, you may address the court on behalf of Earth, if you're ready. I was hatched ready. Honorable judge Heads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt?

Welcome to the world of business.

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

If I say one more thing, I might say it with my evening boot. Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien.

See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food.

I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior. It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger.

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy. Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us.

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord.

Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos.

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain.

On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack. Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen."

Well, take this! Oh, my. Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid. Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect.

Let's see, where to start.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

I'd like to reapply for my old job. Counseling defrostees and assigning them careers. Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip.

Is this the political process? 'Cause I'm here to get involved in it.

Great. The entire universe was destroyed.

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (MAN EXCLAIMS)

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug.

The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it-- not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean.

But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

It might be a cave. (PANTING) LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter? BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE) (GULPING) (BURPING)

Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet.

So what did you get me? A thousand and one pesos. Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes.

You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

See you at the office. Admit it. You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. Well, aren't they? I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it. Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9--

Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills.

I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out.

I'll take care of this.

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer.

Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home. They'll need transportation to the surface. Bring in the airship. Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin,

(GASPING) (GAGGING)

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah. We're slowing down.

Come on, I'll show you the lab. This is Colossus, the beanstalk project. Ordinary beans are a magical fruit, but they're tiny and pathetic. So we spliced elephant DNA into their chromosomes for added heft. (TRUMPETS)

And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge? Amen!

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry. You should feel proud, no matter what your dad said to you.

I just want this whale to die, die, die!

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it.

You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say!

Zoidberg, Bender and... Who is this fetching young marmoset? Uh... Sparkles? Enough zoo director talk. We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male.

Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why?

Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead! Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain.

Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender! You could've picked a better time to dump the ship, Bender. Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me old-fashioned, but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating.

Plus, I bet he couldn't create a laser show with his head. Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.

She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards. Fry's the one who should be-- Oh, never mind.

Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me?

(PANTING) Are you okay? I... Ow! My leg, it's broken. How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants.

Thank you, Secretary of Transportation. My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in.

If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their... Is he objecting or backing up? Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is... Oh, come on!

Marv Albert here at Madison Cube Garden...

why art thou yet so fair? I will stay with thee and never from this palace of dim night depart again. Oh, here will I set up my everlasting rest and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from this world-wearied flesh.

Incoming yucky. Firing pocket-rocket! Don't panic, Leela. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul.

Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television! Bender must be stopped!

You Ruth Bader believe it! But I... Of course I was born on Earth. Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake. I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions?

And all I ask in return is your hands... to replace these bony hot dogs. Grabby and Squeezy? Never! I love these guys!

I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what? Or we'll boycott Fishy joe's.

Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment. That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy.

The challenger's ugly food has shown us... that even hideous things can be sweet on the inside.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched. Okay. I also would have accepted a bribe.

Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money. What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable.

Dumbest Pet in Show! And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad.

Now, look here, you drugged-out communist,

other times, they got beaten badly.

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder. Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time?

for instead of infecting computers, it infects the human brain. I like it. The million followers will become an army of zombies eager to obey my every command! (LAUGHING) The important thing is, we're a family. No, it's not!

Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands.

You see, the active ingredient in my Good News herbal supplement grows only on Omicron Persei 8.

I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend. Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

I don't trust that MacZongo. Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy. Don't worry about MacZongo. He and I are having brunch tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing this. It's nice, but there's still something I don't like about that guy.

I choose to not understand these signs. Aha! Bender! I was just not playing the holophonor.

These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball?

Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

Nothing's gonna stop us now

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow! One down.

Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

Hospital ho! (GRUNTING)

You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn!

Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD.

Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years! Psst.

Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you?

Scwatch its fwubby chin. Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

(RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

Ho, ho, ho! Oh! My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Amy, mission profile. Interesting. Interesting. Dr. Zoidberg, mission bag? Packed and ready, sir. What's this? This is the same toy surprise I got last time.

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee!

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks? Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do?

people stop and stare I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours.

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela.

I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back after these messages.

I don't believe it! What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something? No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable! But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker?

Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile. Whatever. Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah.

No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not?

Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'.

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked.

We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

(SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum. Whoa, that's pretty deep.

The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death. (GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace.

You undersold it, Professor! Look, it has Slurm Loco! It's the extreme-iest! Hey, what can I get y'all? Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco.

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages,

Uh-oh, a fork in the path.

The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

I found him! (SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did? Ah, so that's why this was unguarded.

Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent.

I don't feel good.

Avast, mateys! Electronically transfer your space doubloons... afore I send thee to Davy jarg's Locker.

MORBO: Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonite! We'll be talking with General Extermulo, who will crush the human race under his boot unless his demands are met immediately!

But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss? Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that?

How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie.

But it doesn't! (GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

By the gods! He is a machine! No, that won't restore everyone, either. Besides, I don't want my decrepit old body back! I'm running away with this invincible robot body and joining something.

Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can!

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six--

Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm? Hey. What smells like blue?

You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry.

LEELA: Move it along! (BELL TOLLING) Nope. (BIRD CHIRPING) Nope. (BABY MOBILE TINKLING) Man, I always wanted to ride in that stroller. But nope. Where could I have heard that music? Yo, Cosmic F. What up?

Quick! Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah.

Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me. Yo, brother! Thanks for showin' that broken robots are still useful. Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be--

Oh, perhaps I've been too harsh. Come, lad, take my hand and I'll explain why I find you so repugnant. All my life, I've been inspired by great minds. Euclid, Copernicus, Braino.

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

This is it. My Ronco Record Vault. I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm--

Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry. Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers.

Johnny cakes! (SNIFFS) Good God! What's that horrible stench? Stench... Uh... It's probably this stinky bus station maybe. Come. Let's go someplace well ventilated and grow old together.

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

The time skips are worse than ever now. Isolated spots are jumping by years at a time. Look! Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits? I deserve free money!

Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now.

No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels.

You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read. What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer?

So what's the secret ingredient? It's whatever your imagination wants it to be. Oh. But what is it, really? That's not for you to know. Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage.

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time! Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs! Push, Bender, push!

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures.

The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War. But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels! Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No! Can I shred these contracts?

Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it. I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment!

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed. I just wish we could get this Bender I keep hearing about.

We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig. What's this?

Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out? Uh-huh. All right. Now there's no way to stop this marriage without hurting Calculon. But he's an actor. If there's one kind of pain he can handle, it's soap-opera pain.

Bonder? Is it really you?

Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

If anyone asks, say I'm an alien, remember? Right. You gonna finish that roll? Shh.

Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home? 'Cause your apartment smells like Poly Grip and cat pee!

Amy, the Mafia took everything we had. Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants. Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me. No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent?

He'd be able to bend, but he'd lose all his memories. He wouldn't even remember who you are. (GRUNTS)

What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger? Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

Good news, everyone!

Incoming transmission from MCI One-rate Department. It sounds like a limited-time offer. Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons.

(GRUNTING) Ah. So quiet, so peaceful.

Look at his adorable little feet. Yes, you are a cutie pie. Holy macaroni!

No! Are you people satisfied?

That's a stupid animal. You're stupid. I said I want the best one.

At least Kif's baby shower should be fun. I better put it on my calendar.

Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree.

too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating. You want it?

He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well...

If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business. Anyway, the time came for our first delivery. (SOBBING) Lando, don't forget about me and Junior. I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better. Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up?

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children. We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes!

The Grand Cigar, she is mine. And with absolutely no consequences.

you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters,

But this is Lucy Liu, perhaps the only good actress of the 21st century.

Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant. (FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

(BOTH GASP) Shut up. NARRATOR: These industrious, uh, people, I guess, maintain the various pipes and poop chutes that keep decent, above-ground society functioning. And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills?

Strange. Usually you don't know anything about human anatomy. I learned it from a decongestant commercial. "Soothing action, action, action, action."

You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically." You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead!

I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go?

(HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope. Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these,

So the moral of the story is... if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! You know, you always were a kick in the teeth, man. Ah, shucks, thunder buns. You make me feel like a million volts. Oh, Flexo, Flexo, Flexo.

Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme remember me To one who lives there She once was A true love of mine We're home.

Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up. Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam!

Hey, hey. What's wrong? Was it something Leela said? We come-a to Earth to start new life,

34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars. Vodka with a sardine in it, please. In fact, vodka with a sardine all around!

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

Nibblonian fleet holding at perimeter of Moron Zone, formerly known as Earth.

Is there any chance of cross-contamination? No.

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means?

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh.

Kif, you did it! But how did you know the dynamite would work? I once took a seminar in ejecting chickens from a sand dune. The principle's essentially the same.

Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight.

in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you! Oh, my!

Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon,"

Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time. Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Well, since we have no digestive systems here, I guess we'd better get back to the third dimension after all. Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. (ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science! If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis?

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

(EXCLAIMS) I shall enjoy this. Not me! That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help.

We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are-- Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs.

I'm your host, Ron Popeil-- inventor of Mr. Microphone, the spray-on toupee and, of course, the technology to keep human heads alive in jars.

Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium.

Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey!

Oh! Ow. Suck in that gut! You want to be spayed? Ahh.

Let's see now. Which bait to use... crickets, squid chicken necks? Excuse me. If I might be so bold, I'm willing to offer my services as a bait critic.

One diet double martini, please. And for you, sir? I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple." Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over!

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on! Pardon me. I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl,

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little.

And so, I set sail for unknown shores. Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

I'm going for a scuttle. Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him.

You're sure you want to go back to the Near-Death Star? My, yes. Our muscles are sore, our bones ache. My damn skin even hurts. It's no dream house, but we get fed through our spines and the rent is reasonable.

You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

The whale is obsession, Leela. And you are the whale! I am not the whale! All I wanted was to complete my delivery. Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me!

Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap.

(GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese. (MOANING) P.U.! Thank God I don't have a nose.

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY) (ALL BOOING) Thank you. Thank you.

Yay! Yay! So what's the catch? The vaccine requires the original, unmutated, 20th century cold virus, so I need to grind you into a paste. Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please,

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me! So are you gonna fertilize my eggs now? Already taken care of. Well, we swam away and then we came back.

Planet Vinci is basically a single colossal university. How's your football team? Learned. Ooh! I'm going to check out that math lecture. All this knowledge is giving me a raging brainer. Would you like to hear the lecture, too, Fry?

Hey, uh, check it out here. Six beautiful devices. They know what you like and they'll do it to within a tolerance of one micron.

Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue. What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you.

We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them. Wow. There's a million aliens.

It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.

Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that.

Pass. So telleth, Bender-- What hath happened to your body? I hocked it. Hocked it? Why wouldst thou do that? Same reason you hocked your teeth. Ah, booze money. I remember my body.

You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow.

Squeaky, squishy clean.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

Look at this. This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people?

And look at this intricately carved disk. It merits years of study. But how can we move such a fragile, precious... (SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through! No, no, no, no, no!

I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families. (CRACKLING) (ALL EXCLAIM) That was a sick move, yo! Thank you. I have no idea what that means.

Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body. Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses!

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing! How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe?

Me for my hatred of a mechanical fox that tore up my sign and who I'd like to throttle, and you for hunting an innocent robot. Well, a robot who didn't harm you personally. Today. Probably. But most of all, I blame you, hunt master.

And voila! Everybody's ice fishing. How come nobody's ice fishing?

I know, I know. Look, Ship, if there's one thing I learned... from my mutual breakup with Sean that was totally mutual, it's that happiness can only come from within you. But Bender is within me. There must be some way to make him love me again.

Yet still, I feel empty inside. (GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in.

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

(CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment. Any word from Leela?

I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can!

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

Yeah. You explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand. And that appealed to me, for whatever reason.

The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people. Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Well, I got my shield for stopping Bender. (ALL CHEERING) But, then I got fired for tipping off Bender. (ALL CHEERING) Fry, we have no idea what you do around here, but we desperately need you back.

Good news, everyone.

And so I would fain commission you write an opera. But I've never written an opera. And I've never heard one.

I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this?

And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks.

Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in The Last Supper. The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model.

Be very gentle, folks. This is the souffle you're delivering to Mrs. Astor. Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar! Whatever you do, don't drop it. See, Mrs. Astor takes nitroglycerine for her heart, and being a class act, she prefers it in souffle form.

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it?

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

And now a man who needs no introduction.

Who's got what it takes to party with Nixon? You fellas enjoy yourselves for the next two hours. And be sure not to leave the island, uh, for at least two hours. I'm going out to pick up some smokes. Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday!

- I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man. You know, the doctors say my heart doesn't work very good, but it feels good today, 'cause I got to dance and make people happy. (SNIFFLES) I never knew I could hate this much!

Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for. You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.

Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo.

Congratulations on your big bust. You, too. Keep it up, and you boys might just make detective. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy.

(TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition? I don't have any hands.

I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No! Fry, having guessed what animal I was thinking of you shall have first choice of weapon.

War were declared.

Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry! But then Nicolas Cage discovered the real treasure was his family. Yes, I'll hold. Hey, Leela, look! I'm in Zoidberg!

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me.

Very impressive. Back in the 20th century, we had no idea there was a university on Mars.

This prison is where you'll be spending your 300-year sentence.

Who are you people? I'm Al Gore, and these are my vice-presidential Action Rangers a group of top nerds whose sole duty is to prevent disruptions in the space-time continuum. I thought your sole duty was to cast the tie-breaking vote in the Senate.

Horsie to Pointy Guy Six. Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys!

Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead!

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who? Look, I know Flexo's your friend,

Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick. I can cure him, but I need the thing, the thing from Triton.

I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter. When I grow up, I want to be a diplomat!

It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em. (GRUNTING)

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh. How could you do this, Fry? (STAMMERS) Coma... Sad... I have to go. This is just too freaky!

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else! Or else what? Or else that. Nice try, flame bag,

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

Yes! You tried to trick me into comin' out of my chest! But who has the beer now? I've got mail. Ooh! It's a party apparently.

But this is a private resort for only two people at a time. Yeah, my week is up, but the shuttle broke down and they're still trying to fix it. But, hey, they gave me two free drink coupons for my trouble. You want to buy one? How about you? Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry. He and I are... What would you say we are, Fry?

- You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out. So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider. Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps.

There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do... I'll get the water boiling.

Oh, how could Amy leave me?

Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish?

about changing your sex to win five gold medals. It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long!

(BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me!

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon. I do. But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this.

Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry.

Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Quick! Get them into the fountain!

I've been giving these out for 647 years.

(LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela!

Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

And now, get ready to laugh till your sides leak with our planet's foremost political satirist, Florp. So what is the deal with people from under the orange sun?

Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing? Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you. And to make it up to you, we're killing the Professor for you so he doesn't die horribly from hyper-malaria. He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots.

Come ons, comes on! (SPUTTERING) (GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew.

Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms. Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense. We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

Me want snu-snu!

I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund. Well, as long as we're being honest,

Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

I assure you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men! I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.

I'm going to allow this.

Poor, ignorant Leela. The bone vampire is now extinct on its home planet. (GASPS) That's perfect. We can reintroduce it to the wild and repopulate the species. Yeah, let's do those Leela things! (YELLS)

This here the buffet.

Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery. Hey, I like the way you think. Oh...! Oh, Lord. You know, you ought to be a bureaucrat or something.

That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no.

Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form. Yeah!

Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway?

No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk...

I wish I knew how long we've been waiting. The eyePhone has an app for that! Is there an app for kissing my shiny metal ass? Several! Ooh!

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors... and casting people who might be looking for someone to play a preacher, I welcome you! The bride has written some vows... that we will now all pretend to be interested in.

Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed.

But I'm just so scared. Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry.

Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo. Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that! (BRAKES SCREECHING) Hey, Minx, we survive this, can I finally get that date? Nah. You know I'm with Benny. Girl, he don't own you!

In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning. Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself? But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.

Whoopsie-daisy.

Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please. Okay then.

I can't work under these conditions. And without me, there is no mission. I am the mission! We're back from the mission! What-What-- You went without me? You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time. But-But I'm the delivery boy. Don't worry. Everything went fine.

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

If it's on TV, it has to be real. Morbo interrupts Bowling For Quatloos to present breaking coverage of the birth of Senator Chris Travers. We now go live to the delivery room, where we're already at there. (MOANS)

Mr. President. What the hell?

What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

Oh, God, what have I done?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I... Oops. Sorry, force of habit.

Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer?

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person.

That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave. Listen, you! I was born here. I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave. Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time.

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

For your information, I did this all by myself. You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso.

I can't let my monstrous de-boner get anywhere near you. There it is!

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad! You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all.

Places, everyone! Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera. And non-union action!

Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you.

Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what? Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset.

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes? Absolutely.

You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo!

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you. Help!

Malachi, good work! There's no slowin' down with the Metal Lord tonight!

I'm in terrible pain.

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..."

Move your freaking hoof, you goat!

Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp. (SMOOCHING) I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy."

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on. All My Circuits is brought to you by... Robo Fresh. Designed by a robot for a robot.

Absolutely. Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course... for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

Ah, man! Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

(CHOIR MUSIC) (ALL EXCLAIMING) They haven't aged a day. The whale must have some kind of Mobius colon that endlessly recycles time and space. Yep. That stands up to scrutiny.

Here he is! Come and get him!

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

I meant your hair. It's all "differenty."

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener.

- Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified.

Let me just adjust the seat.

Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living?

But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendor Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender He gave me mechanical ears Effective though just a bit garish

Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air.

I am not under stress, damn it!

Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh.

Hey, Bender how's dinner coming? Almost ready. Ah, now for a dash of salt.

You see, Amy, this used to be the most popular kabuki theater in the entire outskirts of town. But people stopped coming after they built that darned basketball arena. Now everybody likes basketball instead of kabuki. It's an insult to my Japanese heritage.

Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow!

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

Fry! Fry! No! No! Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Oh, boy! It's Santa.

Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package. Whoa! Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

Sweet reawakenin' of me, a Jamaican-in. Hermes, you're alive. And practically rhyming.

But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering. This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela. Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain.

No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey.

Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot.

I wuv my mommy.

Shh! Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen...

I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh!

Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81.

The tracks lead here. Thanks, eagle eye. Now it's daylight. So, he should be in robot form... but be careful. Many robots are stupid and violent. I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute! Whoo-hoo! Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

Correction: our one mission now is to avenge the loss of that monument. Shmeesh! He gonked off the engines.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics Ku'umba is another one It stands for creativity Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities I think there's one called Nia but I don't speak Swahili Something about a pine tree and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you... With my final breath. I came here with a simple dream--

and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING) Great food, huh? (BURPS)

Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Women only room!

(SIGHS) Now what?

If you think you can put up with your father, then welcome home. We'll try to respect your independence and freedom. No! I want the real teen experience-- chores, curfew, the works! Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate!

(SIREN WAILING) (MOANING) Where to, adulterers? (GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon?

Earth's boring.

Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over.

(SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

Futurama is brought to you by:

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Zapp? Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who ever loved me. I never loved you. I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might.

Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here?

Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg.

Flying bananas? Ha, ha. I will slice them on my morning fish porridge. This is no time for one of your jokes, Fry. I will tell you something that's no joke. I will lead the defense fight. (LAUGHS) Don't make me laugh. If we fight, we'll surely be destroyed. Then what is our only hope? We must summon Zagtar, defender of space! You forget.

as proof that Earth loves you," this much!

Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer.

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth. Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon? Huh, wha?

Sorry I'm late. My pool game ran long at the jazz club.

We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry? Amy, you won't believe what happened.

Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

She does too! She's loaded with meat. She's got more meat than a cow. Ow! Ah! More meat than a cow! I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope.

So, you want to join the Balcony Club?

You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

Get a load of that!

I should be weeping! I'm not weeping! I love these things!

No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right.

So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead.

I promise. ALL: Wow. Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes.

Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved. (BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah!

That's exactly what I was thinking. Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog?

A lot of Bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line. Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you.

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

A paparazzo. You know, a celebrity photographer. But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow! This is all Leela's fault.

Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess, and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how? Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose.

there'll be no stopping him. Tonight, Mr. Peppy must die. Angus, wait, my strictly platonic friend is right. At least wait a few days before you decide to kill it. The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin.

Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you. Josh Gedgie, boy scientist. Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Game on, Gedgie.

My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy.

What? What is funny?

Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish.

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake.

Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island. Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster?

Bender, quit destroying the universe!

Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine. Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine.

Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission.

It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up. Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity. Aha! A new will naming...

No, you? Give me that. You're in no condition (HICCUPPING) to fly. Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now.

You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING)

I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump.

Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question.

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve. It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow! Hey, watch it!

Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan.

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara. Me, too. Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet.

Happy New Year!

Hello! Pizza delivery!

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Dance, slave, dance.

You have much to teach us. Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Zoidberg, you set us free! I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom...

Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then? It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window.

Ow! Well, he wasn't in the, uh, kitchen room. Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second?

A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all. Well, I'm not. Robot foxhunting is a crime against robo-nature. Stop the bloodshed, stop the...

(EXCLAIMS) Listen up, everybody, I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, (GASPS)

Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

Slightly. But my favorite so far is the bone crushing.

Look at Bender roll that dough!

So come on, put the guns down and join us. (BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF)

If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard. Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England?

(ALL CHEERING) Now, you two step aside. (CROWD CHEERING) Hey, being a hero's all right. Look at all this free stuff. Oh, my God, you guys, fire! Fire! (CROWD EXCLAIMING)

The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Geez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with. (BELL DINGING) Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice.

Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

God rest her zombie bones. So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there... hid it in the coelacanth tank.

Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design. Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study.

At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster,

Hello. Mmm. Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century.

Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula?

Don't come back! Well, let's get looting!

Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27.

No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus.

Oh! "Anyhoo," your net suits will let you experience... Fry's worm-infested bowels... as if you were actually wriggling through them. There's no part of that sentence I didn't like.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab.

Let us in! Fry must die so that Bont may live. What am I going to do? We've got to get the emperor out of your body before they kill you. Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge separating out the denser fluid of his Highness. But won't that crush my bones?

Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control

W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Come in. Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great.

Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable... Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Oops. Robot brain implant? Never. No one in right mind would do that. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

My kajigger! Victim, Hattie McDoogal. Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over. (CHIRPING)

I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living...

That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube.

Yay! You did it!

Mom, Dad, I'm sure you remember Fry, Leela, Bender, and of course my Fonfon Ru, Amy. KIF'S MOTHER: Welcome to our home. KIF'S FATHER: One of you stinks. That'd be me. Wait, you're flies. Don't you eat excrement? KIF'S FATHER: That's a day at the beach compared to this.

I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants. This here's a volcanic vent.

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down!

Next up, the Planet Expresses ship. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk!

How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind?

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken.

Oh, uh-- Aw, oh. Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

(CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Hermes, don't press that button!

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry. I guess there's nothing wrong with being a little weird. Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

(SCREAMS) (CRYING) I want to go home!

Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts. I beg you, Mrs. Astor, if you truly want to honor your husband's memory, treat these people with dignity, as he did. Oh, he was a dear man, Mr. Astor. Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom.

Sorry, but I think I can do better. Wait! Come back, uh, darling. Can't, hon. I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump.

And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know. Look, we just came to party with Slurms McKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled? Never! Oh! To the torture cave!

The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT)

I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it.

So, Flexo and Angleene had sex right there on the factory floor? Well, at least you got bending out of your system. Yes. I won't be up to bending again for a long, long time. Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend--

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage.

Does anyone recognize those call letters? Nope. It's not in the Janeway's guide, either. Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

(IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman.

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it. It's too low!

That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump. Good news, everyone.

Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you?

Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires! In this scene, you've just found out your real father... is Calculon's fourth evil identical "septuplet"-- Sleazy Martinez.

Zoidberg, show some respect. This is a sacred shrine to the thousands who lost their lives. AMY: Hey, I found a safe. (GRUNTING) It's coming loose. Hand me some more of that cruise director. (ALL GASPING)

Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny.

or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny? Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts.

BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out. Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

I didn't hurt you, did I? Not physically but why don't you ask your new best friend, Leela? I tried to run you over? It was very sweet of you, Bender. Fry, it doesn't mean anything. I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears.

I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose.

plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag. I love it even more than I love my seven wives. That's right. I'm a polygamist. Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself,

Eins, zwei, drei, vier, lift your Stein and drink your beer! Ich bin ein never! (MOANS) Whoa! Even with harps, that's still the famous Oktoberfest Chicken Dance! (CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST)

You're the last store open. I need something for my friend Leela. just give me your best animal. Best? Well, that's a matter of opinion. I personally like the electric snail. That's a stupid animal. You're stupid.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING)

Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn,

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me. She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance

My God. It's full of ads. Whoo!

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

(HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV) (TURNS TV OFF) Well, I never liked going to Omicron Persei 8 anyway. If we want to breathe sulfuric acid and get our heads torn off by giant lizards,

that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle. Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company.

No, no. Line? No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers.

Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody. The important thing is that we don't panic.

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something.

Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead.

It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out.

Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty.

No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow!

Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh. The pharaoh has spoken.

how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard!

I can! I repeat: Isn't there a man on this-- I've been training with Hank Aaron. You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron. All right then. Get in there and pitch like you've never pitched like you before!

A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet. According to the script, you're supposed to prance out and tickle him with your fairy wand. Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off.

Hurry! We've gotta think of another way to save Bender, or Xmas will be ruined. Especially for Bender. Look out, Earth. I'm dreaming of a red Xmas.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop!

Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron.

See, he's happy already. That thing doesn't have emotions, Fry. Its brain is the size of a walnut. So are walnuts, and they're delicious. I'll miss you, Mr. Peppy, but you'll be happier here.

Stay here. Freshen your Narcotina? Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell. Aw.

There's the atom! Aw, geez.

Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

Good riddance. What about my service?

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh!

I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it.

You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts! We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us. All right, when we get to earth. But please, don't invite too many people. I want to keep it small. No can do, Slurms.

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh!

You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes?

Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy.

Yes! Front row!

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real,

I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O?

By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop! Take my hands You evil, metal dog

You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop!

Later, I'll show you the pictures. Do you ever regret it, John, leaving me to work for the Professor? Oh... What do you want me to say? He saved my life. Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick.

How could you do this, Fry? (STAMMERS) Coma... Sad... I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole.

Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand. Thou shalt not snatch. And there's Hookerbot 5000.

Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama! (GROANING)

One more teensy drink to help Amy relax. Still a little nervous? (BURPS) She's a nervous wreck!

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter...

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon.

Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well. You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is. That sounds like a cry for help.

You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack? Aha! Gotcha! Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer! Yes!

You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I--

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine!

I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law. Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again.

Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire!

Sorry, ladies. Employees only. Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots.

is under a big wave of responsibility. Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life. You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift-- Mine! is the bond I share with my Smizmarr, Amy. For soon, the quivering mass of life within me...

for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians,

Okay, that's it. No more killing. Next time you feel like killing just have a stick of gum. Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk.

(GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close.

Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend.

Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits. Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains. Get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting. Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair. Ooh. Ho-ho-ho.

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

We're not from around here. Hello.

Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually... That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain.

I don't? No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator, and that will outlive any monument. You really think they'll remember me? Absolutely. Well, in that case, one planet down. Helmsman, set course...

For starters, only use quality ingredients. Case in point, no more live bees. Oregano works equally well. And when you put pizzas in the oven, don't get in with them. Hey! Occupato.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you. Aha! There's the cause of your illness. Hey, that's my watch.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on?

Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Can't you see he's crazy? You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then. Do something, Hermes.

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help!

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord.

Is that all you got? Hyah! - Come on, Walter! - Take that!

Thanks, Colonel. Just doing my job, ma'am. (RINGING DOORBELL) (SOBBING) Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. I'm sorry.

Conquer Earth, you bastards!

"Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks comin' out it. The sparks keep me warm. I don't condone what Dr. Zoidberg did, but I'll fight tooth and nail for his freedom to do it. Or I would, if I hadn't lost my teeth and nails... on Mars and Saturn, respectively.

Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home. (TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell.

And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm!

What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is.

Yo. I haven't got all day. What kind of pizza yous guys want?

Wait. What about the girlie calendar? Well, that won't work, remember? We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested. (HAIR METAL PLAYING)

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.

Hubert Farnsworth, at your service. A Farnsworth, you say? Well, if I'm not mistaken, the Farnsworths have been in New New York for almost 200 years. Yes, I have. And I'm his uncle. How charmingly unconventional. I can eat a hot dog underwater.

- Ten dollars, please. - Oh, man!

but a better solution is to use our electronics as long as possible instead of throwing them out in the first place. I'm gonna start by keeping my old cell phone, even if it is outdated. Hello, Miss Turanga. Your call to St. Louis has gone through. Well, let's at least throw this TV out. The batteries in the remote are getting low.

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

Insuring your world, and its destruction. Tonight's planet, a primitive backwater known only as... (READING)

Can I at least get a photo? And before you answer that... (CAMERA CLICKS) (CHUCKLING) Now I'll just have someone duplicate your guitar. Thanks, sucker. (LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar.

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no! Oh, my God. - We have to go down and rescue him. - No, we can't. They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.

FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww!

Hurry up. I want to see the Moon. Relax, it's open till 9:00. That's one small step for Fry-- And one giant line for admission. Wow.

'Cause I'm here to get involved in it. Silence! Question one. Will you pledge today to somehow reduce taxes while simultaneously lowering the deficit? Hey, that's a good idea. Sure. If it'll win me the election, then yes. We have a saying up in Alaska. That's all.

BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now? I enjoyed your story, especially the tasteful love scene, but it's not enough to convict the Donbot.

We'll go wait in the ship. Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

In the end, all his implants were no match for my wife's reckless seasoning. Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself? But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair.

The takeover of Planet Express is approved! Ah, man! This stinks! Madam is outraged! Security! I want that bunch of rowdies out of here!

And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby.

Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much.

This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm.

with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension! Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent.

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Hey, Pops, want to play skull ball?

I still got it!

(PLAYING RHYTHMICALLY)

Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it!

Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute. In the English countryside, many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds. Thirty minutes to go.

What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur.

The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes."

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING) Me! Thank God you've come!

I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day.

Look, Leela I don't understand this world, but... you obviously do so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it.

- And you, Bending Unit? - Uh, I never got the change. Suckers.

Something's come up.

In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife.

Well, good night. I had a great time.

After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for!

Ow. What? Oh! Today, I've personalized each of your meals.

go look in the mirror. Oh, snap. Ooh... No, no, everybody calm down. Yeah, I need one more Slurm. And one more to wash that Slurm taste out of my mouth.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that!

(INCESSANT NOISE CONTINUES) Oh! Good, Leela, you're here. I'd like to describe my foot pain. My left has a sharp, jabbing throb near the bunion, while the other's got a searing pain like gout. Maybe it's too much albumin because of gravity... Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions.

Aaah! Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life?

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late. You all go without me.

One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich! (DINGING)

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

It's the 7:38! Jump!

Look, they're jazzercising Fry's muscles. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy.

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee?

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this...

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw.

If it please the Council...

Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman...

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope!

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization.

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain?

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Snu-snu. Snu-snu. We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises.

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you.

Destructor! I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster. It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here.

forever and ever we are baby love child I'll take you so high groovy love child give me A kiss baby love child do it again

Data error! Do not compute!

The Professor's walrus-ivory teeth. And don't forget the zebra-fur ship cozy.

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that,

He's still alive!

You know you did it! You know you did it! Quiet! Quiet, I say! We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth!

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died!

But I do like ratting people out, so, it was Fry. (ALL GASP) He took it to the Vampire State Building. We've got to get to him. But how? We can't leave the time shelter. Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends.

Holy Spitz! He's sporting skintight Speedos! They don't leave much to the imagination. Actually, on a robot, they sorta do.

Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever. Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it?

this Cadillac of men, was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

she is the least mutated mutant ever born. And yet, she's cursed to live the horrible, degrading life of a mutant. Like all of us. Especially him. It's true. Maybe we can do better for her.

Good night. (SNORING)

Amy, the Mafia took everything we had. Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants. Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me.

They sell whole planet for one bead. Sound stupid to me. That is stupid! I can't believe you're laughing... at the tragic exploitation of a proud, bead-loving people. Lighten up, Leela. It's funny. Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh.

I'm willing to offer my services as a bait critic. These sardines, for example are bland and tasteless. And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy...

Whoo! What was that? Did everything just jump around or did my brain just stroke off there for a second?

You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. I love you, buddy.

He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend.

Fry, do you remember some months ago... - when Earth was attacked by flying brains? - Hmm. I remember the square-dancing stomachs. Although that might have been a Mylanta commercial. Wait! The brains! I do remember! But no one else does. They said I was crazy. On the contrary. You remember because... you were the only one immune to the brains' mental attack.

(ALL SCREAM) TARQUIN: Those sound like one-eyed corpse screams. Oh, how I wish I was down there with ye. (DOOR OPENS) Let's not forget that this shipwreck is also the final resting place of this brave captain. Place your bets. Whee!

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested.

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed.

Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads. You, minion, lift up my arm. After him!

Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word. Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

It's good! I feel funny-- ha-ha funny. Huh?

As unclean as it makes me feel, I agree with Bender. Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.

Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick. Hey! A fish this fine belongs in a fish-nugget-style chunklet. Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. Ow! My small intestine!

- Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry. I need full concentration.

Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well.

I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father. Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low!

We share your pain. Mmm, if we could undo the damage... Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

Okay. Okay. I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans. Come on. You can do it. Go on, you dummy.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (MAN SHOUTS) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior. Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot. Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago.

(VEHICLE APPROACHING) (GASPS) Five-O, five-O! - Five what? - Five Omicronians! Everyone, grab your buddy and get back to the ship!

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen!

Nobody tell Fry I'm deaf. If he found out I couldn't hear his opera, it'd break his heart. Okay, deaf-o. Courtesans and gentle fops, I bid you welcome to my opera. Let us cavort like the Greeks of old. You know the ones I mean.

There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) I reckon my boy will be right pleased when I regurgitate that into his mouth. Looming ahead, nature's waterfall, the cliff of the waters. Ah.

Hey, it is kinda like that. To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went. What a Valentine's Day that was.

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet. Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him.

Can I have my hands back now? No! You're not nice!

Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it. Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark. Yeah, right, what's he going to do, break my legs? Ah, this is the life! Another martini, please!

Oh, yeah? Well, take this!

So what were they doing to you in that awful drawer? Oh, they had me hooked up to a bizarre virtual world that seemed absolutely real. What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.

Truly, they were as gods who built this place. Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy.

Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing? Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement.

Fry, you scoundrel!

Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys.

This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes.

If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope.

We hope to see you soon for tea.

The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap. I'm sure you have many questions. Come, there is a chamber where I used to speak with Pope John the Patient.

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!

We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me.

Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy.

Ahhh! (PULSING SOUNDS)

And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke.

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless.

Shinier than yours, meat bag.

If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over.

One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them. Oh.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Hey, Calculon's dead. What happened? Did you save us, Leela? Actually, no. For once, it was Bender. Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender. It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends, so we can commemorate this moment in a photo.

You will all be boiled alive, like retired circus animals, unless you somehow can cross the great Alkali Plains and reach shelter in the Cave of Harmony. That sounds hard. Whichever gender reaches the cave will survive. And may the inferior gender burst into something.

Hey... These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself.

it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew?

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger!

Okay, let's nip this Earther movement in the bud by releasing your Earth certificate. Where were you born? Our Lady of Patriotism Hospital. Patriotism, good. Where is it? Kenya. Cradle of humanity. Leela, this is just a stupid distraction from the issues. Please don't look for my Earth certificate.

That's a calculator. I ate it to gain its power.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust.

Then, outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Jr.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home.

Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh.

In answer to your question, Hermes. Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep--

You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending.

deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here! Leela

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors. What the hell is that?

This is gonna be great.

Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

So long, Your Majesty. There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together?

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner? God, yes, Elzar! Well, I sure enjoyed cooking for you and to make everything completely square I want you to have these complimentary after-dinner chocolates.

(HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation.

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela...

No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor, but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I'm sorry. I appreciate that, Amy. Is there any way I can help, maybe? No, I don't see how... Wait, don't see.

(ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING) (GRUNTING)

Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry.

Welcome, friends. How may I pervert you? I'm looking for human horn. Shh! You're not cops, right? Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez anyone? Right this way.

It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back. Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

Wait, give me a chance to defend your honor and then sully it on the couch.

You meet a lot of colorful characters. Okay, you're good to go. Get this bubba dump out of here. Okay, push "roof" and we're home free!

(SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed. (SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant. So what's with all the screaming?

Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching?

Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start. Here I go!

Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser. Sir, I don't think that's wise.

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone.

But solar plasma is, like, 10,000 degrees hot. Won't that sear our tender flesh, sealing in the juices? Oh, nonsense. You clearly weren't paying attention to what I'm about to say. To the sub-basement!

Now what are we supposed to do at the office instead of work? How about talking to each other? That's what bath time is for.

That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

And you are outta here!

I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us.

You big, mostly empty wuss!

the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my-- Gotcha.

After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. Mama. Wah! Wah! Wah!

How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already.

In theory, it could work. Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous.

until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again?

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag.

Hey, we're just a stone's throw from Tijuana. See? (MAN SPEAKING SPANISH) A rock has fallen here, in the outskirts of Tijuana. Is it within the city limit? I think, yes.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender. Charmed. I'm the Countess De La Roca. I was surprised to see another robot staying in first class.

alongside those of our most distinguished alumni. Thank you very much. - Like many of you, I never knew my parents. - Give me a-- I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little--

Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology. (SCREAMING) Bender, whatever you do, don't think about any more octopuses.

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs,

Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!

For your information, I did this all by myself. You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso. Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant.

Hey, what's that? Is it drugs? Nah, it ain't drugs. But it's a lot like drugs. It's called spark. You want a hit? Never heard of it. Sure. You like it? I can take it or leave it. I guess I'll take it. Hey! BENDER: C'mon! I want that spark! Give me that!

Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image. And in the end, that's all I really have. That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you. If you love the real Lucy Liu...

Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see. Mmm!

and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together. It's not too late. You can still win the election. No, I can't. The Earthers are right. I have no Earth certificate.

Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

From my new Butterfly Derby team. Which is what I am offering you to be. Because I'm the commissioner of the Butterfly Derby. I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost.

ALL: Oh! Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle.

Do you think what I did was wrong? Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there.

My life is ruined. Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again. I'll never pause again. Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause?

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head.

So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet. TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time. Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo?

Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo!

Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police!

Remember: Rover gets the pill and Pepper gets the suppository. Next! Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down?

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101.

Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not. Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual. Ah, lighten up, honey. I'm just tryin' to get through a difficult time using humor. Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks.

The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad!

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No.

NARRATOR: Of all the creatures on Earth,

So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed. Help us, wooden Bender!

Yep. Does that seem strange to you? Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music. (PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING) (CHUCKLING)

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins!

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap.

but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead. This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

As for me, I design mansions, then live in them.

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery?

I raised a cloud of children here. My ancestors came over here on the sandwich. No one can make me leave. Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

That's my ass! My God!

Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me. I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once. Yeah. That's using the old noodle.

Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this.

I'm 40% back, baby!

At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?! 'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

Per your orders, I modified my mirror...

I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf!

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian?

Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing.

Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

Fry, it's been three days.

(GASPS) Okay, just sit tight till they call the fake name I made up for you. Mr. Derisgreat? Mr. Ben Derisgreat? (WHISPERING) That's you. Knock 'em dead.

And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top... '80s-style.

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it! Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth.

Right. You gonna finish that roll? Shh. Now, a short film about those pitiable creatures so in need of our charity. NARRATOR: Far beneath the everyday rumble of limousines and poodle feet, there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class.

It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Oh, oh, oh! Oh, Mr. Professor? Right here! Maybe we should stick with people we know and trust. I mean, Flexo's great, but-- Flexo's great, you say? Oh, well, that's good enough for me. Welcome aboard, lad.

For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game?

Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

That's it, Barbados Slim! You have gone one toke over the line! Limboers, on your marks! Get rubbery. Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead.

Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things.

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

At the risk of sounding stupid, do these things actually work? Of course not, stupid! I mean, that flying machine's as aerodynamic as a sofa! How could it possibly get off the ground?

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe?

CALCULON: Oh. Hello, Dave.

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved.

the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider. Knight Rider wasn't evil.

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother.

Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay. Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me.

He always has time for me, whether it's sending me on a delivery, or just pulling me aside to tell me I'm doing a bad job. And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other. I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies.

We can worry about that in the morning.

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Comedy. It's tragedy. Langdon Cobb will be first to take the stage. Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky. DR. ZOIDBERG: I always come in stinky.

FARNSWORTH: The snail itself is composed of cells, molecules, atoms. (SCOFFS) Those things don't rhyme. Things only rhyme below ten to the minus five angstroms, you dope. Now, ions and pions, muons and gluons, neutrinos, gravitinos. We're closing in on the very smallest particles of matter.

Wait. What would the robot do?

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm.

Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a mild delirium. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. I wish. It's a nickel. Union forever!

You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die.

He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this. Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell.

Since this is such a serious case of old, we'll have to try our strongest treatment--

No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess, and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how? Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose. What kind of lazy ending is that? I'm not gonna put that in my song.

Good night, Calculon.

Whatever. It's time I made a man out of you. Right here, today, while I'm not missing anything good on TV. Now get in there and shoot your beloved pet! I guess this is goodbye. It's okay, Jrrr.

But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn!

One eye, purple hair. You're Leela!

Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes.

Huh? Hey! Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one.

Hallelujah. I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend.

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two. Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough. I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me. Let's move on to Fry's next fantasy.

And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place.

'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight. Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass.

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Aw. I'll call him Nibbler.

Oh, sure, you need all your blood. Would you all chill? I can't think with you kids cramping my style! I need a babysitter. Okay, quiet time.

Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster.

I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738. I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches.

Whoop! Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win. Oop, sorry.

but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

Oh. That's a little bright.

Well, good night.

But have you forgotten my mastery of the dramatic... Executive Alpha? (ALL EXCLAIMING) ...pause?

The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm. Remember me! Remember me!

Like how? Well, I don't know. Make up another giant octopus and have it kill Big Caboose. What kind of lazy ending is that? I'm not gonna put that in my song. Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG.

Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Zoidberg, we know about your secret agreement. I am so, so sorry for how we treated you. And to make it up to you, we're killing the Professor for you so he doesn't die horribly from hyper-malaria. He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism.

Who could object to that? Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman...

And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww!

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know. I got nervous, and I started thinking about neck bolts. Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like-- What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms.

Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

Professor, no! It's okay, Leela. This is all my fault, sort of. If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted. (SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed.

I thought circus-itis only affected children. Children of all ages. Bender, old friend, what's on your face? Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard. Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? Uh, maybe. So what?

Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on.

(ELECTRIC WHINING) Wherefore... Verily...

What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen. What are we gonna do? First, I'm gonna get back these earrings I loaned Amy three years ago.

HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS)

Where in funky town is the professor?!

So I ask you who will stand up and be saved? Who? Who?! Me.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

Fabricio! Rest in peace, homie.

I had no idea the company would be sold! I was just an innocent suck-up! You've got to believe me! just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers. Yeah! It's so sad.

Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history.

Ooh. Whoa, slow down. This place just doesn't feel like home.

Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style. So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones. Hey, you think this computes over here?

the Mobile Oppression Palace!

L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie?

some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo!

The long, dramatic corridor. That's never a good sign.

Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves? The space walk. Hey! The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine! The Zero "G." What are you doing? You totally ripped off my routine. You callin' me a biter?

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us.

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

- You speak English? - I do now.

'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage.

Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

And now, to present the award for best actor, a bit player... in the flop movie, The Magnificent Three, Dr. Zoidberg!

I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

I'll put on my tutu.

Yes! The system works.

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg.

So you must murder me completely by surprise. As God is my witness, you can count on me. Well, see you tomorrow. Not surprising enough.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag. Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped.

(POWER SURGING) (BOTH LAUGHING) It's both disgusting and inspiring, like Jared from Subway.

Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gases.

Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator.

You city folk are probably hungry from premarital sex and flag-burning. Y'all wanna stay for supper? Well, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on a burning flag, but I could have a bite.

Hey, Zoidberg, get in here! Screw you!

Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed!

Yes? Hi, Dad. It's me and my coworkers. Open up, Leo. It's Amy and her weirdos. Howdy, friends. Welcome to Mars.

Don't shut that door, partner. I'm a crazy Texas robot millionaire,

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is.

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring. Ho, ho, ho!

Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

There's a lot more where that came from! (COUGHS) I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it! No! I refuse to release anything unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love!

Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us!

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you. Help!

Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer.

Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars?

What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that.

All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

The water comes out at over 4,000 degrees. No kidding? Ah. Did it just get colder?

I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go! Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well.

I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot.

you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days? The calendar predicts fires, earthquakes, sharksplosions, then it just ends!

Man, we look stupid. We should have gotten store-bought costumes. Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant. Halt! Be you robot or human? Robot... we be.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again.

You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics.

(BOTH GASP) Shut up. NARRATOR: These industrious, uh, people, I guess, maintain the various pipes and poop chutes that keep decent, above-ground society functioning. And where do these proud toileteers learn their menial skills? (MEOWS) At Brown University,

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things? (GASPS) Look out! You're overheating!

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

This way. Ooh! Bend me! Dude! An ancient sunken city!

(GRUNTS) I'll save you, pants! Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need? (GRUNTING)

Would you look at that gem? Slap that shiner on a ring, and me and Leela will be doing the married horizontal Charleston in no time.

We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997. Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible.

Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump!

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president. That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink.

are more closely related to our elephants than our spiders!

What would happen if Fry never came to the future? Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener?

Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships.

You know what? You're right. He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay!

How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping. (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) Who sent you? Why are you dressed like Fry? 'Cause I'm Fry.

Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these.

(RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

(SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories! When the Feds bumpkinized him, they completely wiped out his old identity!

By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature.

Oh! I can't decide! We're gonna have to think about it. Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed. But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay!

I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet.

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day.

Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain.

But, sir, that plan makes no sense.

Damn. You got knocked up by a police officer while he was looking for your kidnapped child? Sure did! I still got it. So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy. Should we call child services?

Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot.

I'm back at the wheel, Fry. Everything's under control. Great, great. The one time I forgot to buy flight insurance.

Well, actually-- Too late. This is more fun. Kif, you did it! But how did you know the dynamite would work? I once took a seminar in ejecting chickens from a sand dune. The principle's essentially the same.

Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa!

Too bad the universe made it turn out that way and not some other way. I wonder why it did that.

This looks like a job for God. What the-- Malachi, what manner of deal is this, with the chanting? They saw you save my son.

Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh! Beep. Oh, for God's sake!

It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly. All right!

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

Cut! Cut! Cut it! Would you show a little emotion?

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store. Yes! He chose me.

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

I've performed a few mercy killings. So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe...

But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING)

Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are.

(ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building. You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order.

One, two. One, two, three.

Nobody messes with my pants! Not even the Holy One, blessed be He. (FIRING)

Well, there he was in the tub, all right? Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

"Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years?

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

Either way. (WHINES)

She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable.

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

(SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING)

if I didn't bring you scripts that could make you an international film star. Of course. Tell me about the project. It's a movie. - Interesting. Tell me more. - Get this. For a scant one-million-dollar investment, you can be the star. And? And, uh, I guarantee it'll win ya an Oscar.

What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times. Those times I was slightly on my side.

Hurry on inside now. Storm's a-brewin'. I can feel it in my weather channel app. (BUZZING)

So, Amy, how can I phrase this delicately? Why did Kif dump you like a sack of yesterday's turds? He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it.

Trust me. Two out of three doesn't cut it. You mean, you'd rather be rich than work together? Hell yeah! In my whole life, this company was the only place I ever really felt at home. But if being millionaires is more important to you than our-- It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you.

but inside you've got the heart of a robot. Aw, thanks, Bender. just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human. What?

Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay. Do something, Fry!

May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did.

This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started. Raise the main ladder!

Wow. Smart and cute. What I love about being dean of students is the peace and quiet and the respect I receive. Now what's all this about?

Unless you die.

Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik. Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps--

One down. Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie?

Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry! That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry! String him up!

Uh, look normal to me. The last thing I remember is losing all my memories. Who am I, one of you? Me think so. Anyone dumb enough get stuck in ice probably Neanderthal. Neanderthal? Yeah, I think somebody called me that.

It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez.

(SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell. Aw.

Now then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado.

Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet. You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died.

just out of curiosity-- we can use the cards to buy gum then immediately quit the army, right? You know, playing you all for chumps? Correct. There's no obligation. Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

You must be using an archaic pronunciation. Like when you say "ask" instead of "axe." Xmas, huh? You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something. Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree.

Look! It's a baby queen.

Damn. Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you. Well, I could use a new tank top.

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios.

Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Shh!

(MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time! I got a donor nose! There was an accident at the fencing academy. Touche.

Ew. Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry.

Leela. So it's you I've been attracted to. Oh, God, I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman. Let's do it again sometime. The elders tell of a young ball much like you.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg.

Yo, classmate, whatcha taking?

That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way.

No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

You don't have to apologize. In fact, I came to thank you. I think you mean hit me. Everyone knows my secret, but no one cares. I have nothing to hide anymore. Fry, thanks to your selfish rudeness, a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart.

This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'! Ow! Lousy primitive body! Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade?

The hell it was. It was a Juicy Couture.

I'm not here to pass judgment. Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about.

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"!

Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron!

But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg.

Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped. If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count.

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body,

Nice depth perception, One Eye!

Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen! Try to tear it so most of the beads are on my end! Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

No, I'm-- doesn't.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain.

The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past. Hooray! Let a whole new wave of cruelty... wash over this lazy land. Yea! What? What did he say?

Where? Right in front of you.

There won't be a lot of long-winded speeches will there? Only one. The absolutely flawless recitation from memory of the royal oath... by you. Will there be cake?

What's going on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

Heck, you're never too rich to enjoy a free turkey dog.

This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet!

Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it.

Badger? Where? Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown.

Is it part of the opera? Leela! You shouldn't be listening. I don't want you to hear it till it's done. But it's so beautiful. So's a peacock, but you don't eat it until it's cooked. This has to be perfect. I want you to hear exactly what I hear when I think about you. Oh, Fry.

No! Eva Braun, help me!

Hey, that's my patented space-hook. You stole it. You're not the president of it. Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age!

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey. Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat. On top of everything, I'm starving.

Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go!

So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

Well, I'm sure we can buy a microwave somewhere around here. Meanwhile, you guys sneak onto the army base and rescue Bender's body. Hey, and while we're on the base, I'll visit my Grandfather Enos. He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past.

I surrender and volunteer for treason. Emergency summons from the president, Captain.

Thanks to years of LaBarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat. Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces. Something wonderful.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Ladies and gentlemen, Conan O'Brien's head. Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max.

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things? (GASPS) You mean, you don't remember?

One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds.

we can always go to Gary, Indiana. Even I would never send you to Gary, Indiana.

And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing. Well, if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.

It's time to give up. you're right. I'm never gonna see him again. I know he was evil. And on more than one occasion, he-- he actually stole my blood!

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F.

(SCOFFS) Those things don't rhyme. Things only rhyme below ten to the minus five angstroms, you dope. Now, ions and pions, muons and gluons, neutrinos, gravitinos. We're closing in on the very smallest particles of matter. For the first time,

but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah! Also, I got this goin'.

(ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney. You've changed, Fry. What? I haven't changed. Suz, have I changed? - No, sir, Mister Fry. - Thanks, doll. I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business."

Gimme some skin, Prof. I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you... With my final breath.

Bad news, everyone.

(BEAT BOXING) Quiet, Bender. Cut it out. (BELCHES) Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

Misery, what misery? I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard. Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph! Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight!

since, as a woman, you'll be standing in front of it all day. Oh. I'm sorry. Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news.

They don't leave much to the imagination. Actually, on a robot, they sorta do. One puny human got a look at the robber-- Here we go. Here we go! Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular-- Yeah! Make me famous, big head! Caucasian human male. What?

the abbot of this monastery. Sir, I am but a tired and rusty traveler. Can we talk? Come, make yourself uncomfortable. Abbot, I need to know, what's the point of living if I don't have free will? Ah! We robot monks have meditated long on this. And we have made our peace.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (OWLS HOOTING)

All power to the engines.

will be to grow into it, just as God intended. He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends?

since mutants weren't allowed to leave the sewers until last year.

Look at that. The carts go out full, but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep. But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery.

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

She asked first. Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure.

That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy,

Nothing can stop a monster that big.

Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves. Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing.

Ta-da! Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

Well, I guess reality is what you make of it. Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

Let's try for a twofer. Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible."

- Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy. Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon!

(POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

I am. I already did. You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there? Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over.

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy.

Chicka-dan-dan! Get on down! Oh, yeah. Drop another barnyard bomb on us, Vanilla Corn. Yo, fool, it's Mixmaster Festus.

(SNORING) (GAVEL THUDDING) What? JUDGE: Has the jury reached a verdict? MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness.

Come on, girl, let's go, I can't... (MUSIC STOPS) Get out! Get out! It's not fun anymore! I want to be alone! Alone with me? I said scram, grapey! (GULPING)

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender.

(ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and... - (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Now, we crash the ship into their headquarters killing them in a hellish firestorm from which no living thing can escape.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'! I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow. Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

Look! Spirit! And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln!

Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel.

FEMALE VOICE: Delivery auto-completed. Welcome home, heroes! The ship did everything? But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures. Now come on, let's go to the ready room and wait for our next assignment.

Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry.

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Okay, kids. Grown-ups gotta talk now. Time for bed. But it's 10:00 in the morning! I said, hit the hay! Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know,

Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers!

Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Hey, guys. We just stopped by to tell you we're taking some vacation days. No, you're not! You've got to go on this delivery! But we've earned these days off. We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery. Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then. See you in a week!

Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery?

Long ago, life there was ideal. The sun provided plenty of warm, dozy light. The chicken-salmon roamed free. Yet disaster loomed. Our planet's rotation was gradually slowing. At first, it seemed beneficial.

Aah! Hey-- Aah! Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from--

Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

It recycles your solid waste into a nice piece gefilte fish. Ugh. Is there a way to just keep it as solid waste? FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on. The Stardoz 2293. Not for everybody, but you pull it off.

Okay, fan, just hold still and let me...

Detonation in three, two, one. No! Did you see it? Did you see it?

(ALARM BLARING) What's happening? The phone's been disconnected, the ship's repossessed, and Zoidberg's getting overcooked! This place never changes. Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants!

(CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal! (HICCUPPING) Neanderthal?

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker.

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered.

Whoopsie-daisy. Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor...

Hey, hot stuff, I'm Larry, the murder burglar. Hi, Larry, I like your tattoos.

Well, that's the same, but other things are different. Come, look at this two-dimensional bird's nest. Ooh! Me first! I'll just step past Leela here. BOTH: Ow! You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around. (MUTTERING MOCKINGLY)

(SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me.

she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do?

It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

Welcome, fans! I'm Randy, coordinator of this Tap-Dance-A-Palooza. Whoo-hoo! Randy!

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em We'll find ways to simulate that smell What a sorry fella Rolled up and smoked like a panatela Here on level one of robot hell

I think the leak's stopping itself.

Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown.

Everybody, take a Franklinator. Aw, I got a chipmunk. LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...?

But people stopped coming after they built that darned basketball arena. Now everybody likes basketball instead of kabuki. It's an insult to my Japanese heritage. How so? This is America, not Japan.

Silicon Red! (APPLAUSE) Thank you. (STRUMS GUITAR)

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa!

You bastard! We've got to get him back.

I found him! (SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?

Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys.

They're on my cell phone, too. Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass. The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob.

(BRAYING) (GROWLING) (ALL SCREAMING) We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem.

Hey, All My Circuits. Move over.

I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke. It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again.

I just don't know how we'll get by. Then I guess this wouldn't be a good time to tell you that I'm pregnant. What? And you're not the father. No! (LAUGHING) I'm just joking, husband. See now? Things don't seem so bad anymore, do they? You're right. Thank you, LaBarbara. Oh, also, I wrecked the car.

What the hell do you want?

So, uh, how's rehearsal going?

(HICCUPPING) Neanderthal? Yes. And I've had enough! I'm breaking up with you! (GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too!

You just need to get them out there with social media. (BEEPS) Look, I posted your debate video on Facebag. 10,000 views? That's more than most water-skiing squirrels get. You really think I have a chance?

You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink.

Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends. Uhhhhh. Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary.

let's call it a draw. (CHEERING) Fry?

Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point.

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay. So long, Your Majesty.

Except for tax purposes.

Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous! Bender, if you don't open that can right now, your fear will own you. And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that.

Now, let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.

You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam! So this is Little Neptune.

Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever. Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No.

Won't you join us, Mr. Blob? Sounds like a plan. This is what makes life worth clinging to. Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons. It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life. Man or blob, it's what's inside that counts.

And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Wernstrom! Well, well, well.

They were always "too tired." Oh, what awful parents! Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go.

Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start.

My ice cream Manwich!

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah.

Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso.

Can't a girl enjoy herself without being judged? Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder. She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

Death to the crab!

Mind if we sit with you? Uh, hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here. Sweaty, hairy, gassy guys. Good point. I guess. You're my kind of soldier, Lemon-- A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle.

I also offer video poker!

Uh... uh, listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom? - Bath what? - Bathroom. - What room? - Bathroom. What, what? Ah, never mind. Mmm...

That doesn't sound very scientific.

What's happening? We seem to be lurching forward randomly in time, like a needle skipping on a record player. What's causing it? Is it my outfit? No. It must have something to do with those time particles... I used to grow the supermen. Time and space are ripping apart at the seams.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say? I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper. A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers. It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do.

I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there. I know she said not to contact her, but it's been three weeks.

Mom! Dad! What are you doing here? This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like.

Oh, my head! My precious head! Oh!

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo Lucy Liubot, if I don't survive the corn, I want you to know that I love you as much as a man can love... a computerized image of a gorgeous celebrity, which, it turns out, is a lot.

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man.

And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where? Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise...

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice. With pleasure. You see, the show was banned after the Star Trek wars. You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans?

Wait! Victory! Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my. I'm worried.

But that's you. That's how I know it's bunkum.

Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes.

The extra clicking you'll hear is gonna be my hip. FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker.

Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant.

An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING) Whoa! Where'd my man learn that?

All right! Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you. Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough.

I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS) I thought you said he didn't have hair. Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely, he grew hair, just so it could turn white. Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever.

No, we can get jobs. But we just had jobs.

Calculon! Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago.

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

Yo, flame-o! (GASPING) (ALL SNORING)

Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you. Now, that's a verse we can all enjoy. Well, Rodriguez ran to his best friend Said, "Help me or I'll surely be killed"

The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling.

has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already? No peeking! I don't know what's in there,

Burning garbage. It worked!

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man.

Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING)

Next! "At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh!

(LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful!

I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore. It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time?

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why?

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

These letters are real butt nutters. Listen to this one. "Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides.

And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card. Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends!

Bender! She's a sweet little girl. She's a pig! I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day! Oh! This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack!

Before we deliver these hearts, I'm gonna find the one... that sums up my feelings for you. "I love you." Mm. Too conventional. "You're my man." Ooh! So close. I'm not impressed by a guy's message, Fry. I'm impressed by the guy... or not.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want. Help! I can't swim! Oh...

Ah, time for my precious 10:00 a.m. meeting. Where in Legoland is LeeLa? I'm here, and I'm getting along just fine, thank you.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What?

I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow!

Me... feel... a bit better in cognitive faculties. I did it! And it's all thanks to the books at my local library. And so life returned to normal,

If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain. Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges.

I do want you to kill me, but I mustn't see it coming. That would be agony.

A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue.

Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh?

I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so. Watch the neck. Watch the neck!

Zoidberg, as ambassador, I promise you the full support of our government already. Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa? Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows?

Fry, I don't need a diamond. You've given me the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough. A swell gal like you deserves better. LEELA: What's that?

What's the... In your face, sucker! Also, I'll send you a check for the parts I stole! Okays, you honest young punk! Now ons to the next junker. (EXCLAIMS)

I definitely would have noticed something.

Not like they love Fry! They never played with me like that. They were always "too tired." Oh, what awful parents! Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go.

Lrrr! Put a stop to this right now! Okay! Okay! Quit nagging! Lrrr, why are you yelling softly with the purple-furred one?

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth, I can at least dumb down his robot. Take him away and reset him to factory-stupid condition!

He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line!

plus a double reward of $2 million.

Ohh. Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

I'm going to allow this. We've met before, have we not? Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes. Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with.

Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12, but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news? They paid in advance.

Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side!

(HEARTBEAT) No!

Oh, what a foolish squid I've been. I'm not rich.

Seeing Leela fly off the Hexadecapus and crash through the moon dome and survive inside a stuffed animal by breathing a balloon was a dose of reality. Come in. All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her. But what I realize now is, I can't spend my life without her.

Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food.

At last, they located a planet with the necessary orientation and magnetic field to harness its rotational energy. Earth! Indubitably. Although we call it Blue Blue Shiny Ball.

The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience.

Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants! It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing.

The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

Yes! Exactly. Good night. (SNORING) (SOBBING) Oh, lord. Now what?

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet. Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this.

I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird.

What are we gonna do? Duh. I know!

This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted!

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed. Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic.

Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be-- Ah, dang it.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.

Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

(THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit,

TOILET: Please, not to throw away. I give you a happy poopie time.

There. See? It was no big thing. What was that big thing? It's a spaceship graveyard. Why did we have to come here at night? Look at all these famous lost ships.

5,000 feet. Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure!

Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him. Oh, man, I had no idea.

Sweet something of... of someplace.

Quit the show! Do the scene.

It's that jerk from the truck stop. Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps.

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve. Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry.

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag.

(ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY)

Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco. (GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye

Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was...

Brace yourselves. It's Tickle Me Elmo's Fire. (GIGGLING) There. See? It was no big thing. What was that big thing?

Quickly. Into the time shelter. Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every 10 seconds. The universe is caught in a time loop.

Collect call from... I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept.

Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff. Hurry up. I want to see the Moon.

My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high.

Scat! Shoo! What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square. Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

Not a ship ahead of me. (ENGINES REVVING) Yo, Methuselah, speed it up! You're making the roads unsafe for us maniac street racers! Step off, you greasers! I was street racing back when ships still ran on moon water!

Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa!

Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next! "At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there.

Our universe is doomed! Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies.

Okay, it's about to start. Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum.

There. Fixed forever.

Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

to wage war on technology! What? Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology...

I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you! Fry, stop. She's gone.

Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad. Well, here goes. Bubkes.

Some of you are black. You're brown.

Keep your wits about you. I've blanketed these woods with devious traps to ward off poachers and protesters. Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence. Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy. Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death?

I can't take it anymore! They've been at it for hours!

Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back!

My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela.

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh!

But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo. It's no use. We've been to every scuzzy bazaar in the galaxy, including Pottery Barn.

What, me? I didn't do nothing.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

I changed my mind! Aaah!

Goin' through the 'bot wash

Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome, nutritious alcohol.

It's not his fault he's an unstoppable killing machine.

Another great thing was she always had room for dessert. (SCREAMS) We're passing surprisingly close to Earth!

Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art. (CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY) That is one sexy bridge abutment.

(CHUCKLING) (BLOWS TRUMPET) The feast is served! Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like. Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples!

It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create. Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building.

Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity.

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow. Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said...

As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

Then she wants me as a trophy husband. Leela, you gotta come to Europa with us. I can't be alone with her. So, ready for a secluded picnic with just you and me? Hey, you know who loves secluded picnics with just you and me? Uh... Dr. Zoidberg. Did someone say something about a free hot meal?

(LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster, some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy, attempting to mate with one of his harem while he is asleep or distracted. So, any of you guys thinking of being a sneaky male this season? (ALL STAMMERING) This season?

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake. Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

What have you done with your lives?

Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap.

Shut up, square! I'll just be a minute.

of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples!

News and weather, everyone. I'm sure you've all noticed the bizarre atmospheric conditions of late. Come to mention it, yes. It seems something ain't right in the magnetosphere, so I'm launching this high-altitude weather balloon to gather more data.

Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

All glory to the hypno-toad.

I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No!

What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms.

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile.

(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

We must immediately and permanently... shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots!

(MACHINERY BEEPING) You see, I'm his butler.

Nibblonian fleet holding at perimeter of Moron Zone, formerly known as Earth.

Open your mouth and say "ahhhh!" Ahhh. Good God! Here, take some of this herb to ease the pain. Can you save him? I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep. (EXCLAIMS) Stop! I won't let you do it!

Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me... to ask how you got that stylish head wound. Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain.

Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Wong. I'll get your cattle back or die trying. Hey, we can't lose. No, Kif. It's too risky. You don't have to do this to prove your manliness. Oh, yes, he does. Here are your mounts. She's got a fine coat.

Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts. Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow!

just like titanium.

You, minion, lift up my arm. After him!

And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies.

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right

Uh, listen. I just want you all to know, your Leela's one standard lady. Oh, Adlai! Stop. What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right!

Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

(LAUGHS) Wait, whom. Who's tripping whom? (RESUMES LAUGHING) I guess what I've been trying to say is we should all be ashamed.

I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen! Irie, Professor!

Shh! Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them!

You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum.

No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping. You loved him as Bender the Offender.

Yes! You broke my heart, Hubert. And you broke mine. Granted, that was four or five hearts ago. So, what have you been up to all these years? Oh, inventing. Sending delivery crews to their doom breeding atomic monsters. Honestly, Hubert.

Is that all you got? Hyah! - Come on, Walter! - Take that!

Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name? Whee! What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow.

Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines. You leave kitty cat alone!

Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow.

Now that I am a full and equal member of the crew, I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity and, dare I say it, my friendship. Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little...

O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy.

Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in! This is unbelievable. I thought you were a furry little moron, but here you are flying an adorable spaceship. If only you could talk.

It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die?

Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You. Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England. (WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England?

$15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000. Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money. 50, going once, twice-- $75,000.

Oh, no! My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

Whoa. Big Bender starts right now.

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry. Did you hear that? She likes me.

Try these, um, sir. I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

That's the 20th- century spirit. We'll meet again Don't know where

Commencing D.N.A. extraction! Fry, come on! The talent show. What? I'm in the middle of something. But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act?

(YELLING) (GRUNTING) What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh!

I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most!

Welcome to our village.

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising. Sustained! Testimony has closed. But, Your Honor... Silence! One more inburst like that and I'll have this courtroom removed from you!

Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting.

Ahh, the stomach-- scenic gateway to the bowel.

It'll get there.

Remember all that squealin' I didn't do? Remember? Do ya? Yeah. Yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy. Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

Can I trust you to do it? You can trust anything. So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body. You aren't, are you? Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do?

Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah!

(LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique.

Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns. I mean, come on, wireless joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels. Oh, and I suppose pitch-o-mat 5000 - was just a modified howitzer. Yep. You know, you humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field.

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down.

pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why? Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth.

Look, outdoor theater. Let's get tickets. Oh, let's do. No, it's the ceremony of Claw Plock where my species fight to the death over matters of honor. Also whether abbreviations count in Scrabble. They don't.

Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up. Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel!

man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary,

Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

In what has become a winter tradition, members of the Zarlon Seven Polar Bear Club... today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia. There were no survivors.

So here's my certificate of abandonment drawn up by our notary. That'll be 10 bucks. Now take your kid and hit the soup line! (LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him!

(WHINES QUIETLY) I want my Earth shows! These local programs are completely unwatchable. Hey, Pops, want to play skull ball?

Hit by a pitch. Take your base.

Oh, God, what have I done?

Okay. Now, what-a kinda pizza goes in you? Silt? Asbestos? We got guano, very fresh. Ah, mm, do you have any food? Here. Try a deep-a dish pizza. Contains-a four kinda things.

How may I help you? Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

"Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely! It will play in Peoria. Game shows are back. We need this edgy, sweeps-ready robot on our network. Bender, can you continue to drink, smoke and steal things on TV? Yes, I can.

Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar. What's not to sneak into? Bender, you can't crash a mob wedding. You forget, Leela. I'm Bender, owner of disguise.

Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites. Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed. Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn.

Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out.

My first mission. I'm so excited. And after I dissect the Yeti's poison glands, we can stop, maybe, for ice cream on the way back? With sprinkles on? (CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid!

Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear.

Powering up Clone-O-Mat. Placing fossil on the Plat-Clone-O-Form. Initiating dog brain CAT scan! Come on, boy. Come back to life.

Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo. Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man? Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados.

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No! Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase.

You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg.

That sounds clever, but it doesn't explain much. Shut up, Zoidberg. Okay. You see, beneath my obsession lay an even deeper obsession. An obsession so strong, it allowed me to overpower the beast's will and pilot it through space and time. An obsession with completing my delivery.

Fire direct marketing algorithm!

Ready. Ow! My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh?

Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Every little thing reminds me of Enos.

Okay, crew. Xmas break is over. It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah. I'm talking about Robanukah,

And during the 12 seconds Bender was on-screen, viewer eyeball focus was up 90%. But, sir, children watch this show. Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is--

it's all come down to a final tally at the convention. (CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS)

Ma, Pa, our precious ranch! oof! Ay! Ah!

Another gold medal for the spunky maid from Robonia!

What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar,

It's all so obvious now.

I may have a burgling familiarity with it.

Hey, you guys are good.

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second.

Just drop me off at that asteroid over there. Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless. Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it! (YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source?

and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong.

(WHALE SINGING) All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale? I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales. Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon.

Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own. Then live on, forever cursed.

Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

Well, we're boned. No, we're not! We just got to limbo.

All right, it's time to get to the bottom of what, at this point, can only be called a mystery. Let's split up. Eight of us will stay here with this dragon-trap the professor built. HERMES: Meanwhile, Fry, Bendee, you go look for the dragon. Like, you guys are terrible friends for always sending us to our deaths. I'm not going. Re reither!

No, they were assassinated. In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later. That is completely reckless. Don't you ever think ahead? Hell, no.

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet.

The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and-- People of Earth I am Lure, of the planet Omicron Persei Eight. Is this thing on?

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?

Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something. Hallelujah, baby. Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit.

The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood.

So far, so good.

Picture time. Everybody get together.

Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read.

Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a T-shirt. Is it true they bite your neck and suck your transmission fluid and then you become a human?

(GAGGING) This is crazy. You're from the future?

Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

Burning garbage.

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry. This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy.

The Galapagos finches eat parasites off the tortoise's skin, a mutually beneficial arrangement. Except for the parasite!

Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk. He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him.

Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend? Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet.

Daredevil engineer dies in the crash of Old '88. Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell. I once got drunk and ate my big toe. Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor. Jiggers! I dropped my sexton in the stew.

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger!

a grotesque, stinking lobster.

I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever. Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS)

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen.

Look, Zoidberg, you're a loyal friend. "Friend"? But I'm doomed!

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy!

I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp! Ooh. Hefty.

The Revolution? 1776 and what all? Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe.

I heard you from my room. What's wrong? Nothing. It's just... No, Leela. I don't want to see tears in your perfect eye. Please. Is it about the fate of our people? Because I'm very interested in that. Well, okay but it's chilly and you're going to be all wet from the tears. Let's go into my chamber.

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

(WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move. Powder, please.

Hey, Bender the Offender doesn't need you. Bender the Offender doesn't need anybody. What about us, Mr. the Offender? Well, obviously, I need floozies. Let's roll.

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions.

Now, gentlemen, I'm sure we can... Well, then. I'll just collect my winnings and be on my... Oh! Much obliged.

You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here. Ow!

Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity.

First, I was God. Then I met God.

I know, and I care for you too. But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realize I love Flexo! But-- But-- I love you so much, Angleene, I want you to be happy, no matter what.

Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life

Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves. Well, well. If it isn't our little munchkin moguls. Would you ju--

I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me.

Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong.

Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out.

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect!

These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel.

Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

(LAUGHS) (SOBBING) (NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

It's a real pain in the...

You can't just put people on display. It's cruel. Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends.

Don't you wanna help 'em? Not this way. What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all. Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or not, but I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people... who just wanna kill for fun. Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there.

So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water?

Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway.

I'm not an effect! You doubt my power? I do! Aye! Welshie!

She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house. Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too. Eight bucks. You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon.

And let this be a lesson to any other albino lobsters thinking of robbing our casino. (COCKS WEAPON) There ya go. Don't shoot! I have a deal to offer you. Sorry. We native Martians aren't so crazy about deals with the Wong family. That's because you don't know the original deal,

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats.

So, you're a robot? (SIGHS)

Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine! Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

You mean-- I'm sorry.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training.

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip.

And now the part I didn't show you. Oh!

Killed? In an atomic blast? No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly. Ah. There, there. If it makes you feel any better, his body was vaporized, so there's no chance of him coming back as a zombie.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment.

Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela! We were just on our way out. Nonsense. The evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living? I'm a banking industry regulator.

This is crazy. You're from the future? Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected. I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it.

and that jerk Flexo steals her away? It's time to kick some shiny metal ass!

What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me? Oh, uh, hello, sir. It's a lovely evening you have tonight. Um, I'm here to pick up-- your daughter. Hi, Fry. I like your blazer.

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight. Now, come on, we got church tomorrow. Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose.

Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew. This is awesome.

In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race! Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela. Dude, over here. It's all the best stuff I ever flushed down the toilet.

We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld.

Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers.

Relax. Everything'll be fine. Oh! Oh, my God! The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box. Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to--

We're just two happy couples on a double date. (YOWLS)

(SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack.

Sorry, Og. But I've got a new crew. So, how was your delivery to Fantasy planet where everyone's fantasies come to life? Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother.

(MARITIME FOLK MUSIC) (ACCORDION PLAYING)

Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch.

Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

It sure was nice of the mayor's wife to have sex with me. Uh?

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool.

I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base. Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed. Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations!

No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it. Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Hey, there's my little space heater.

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

You owe me one. Whoa.

Daddy? I can't hold much longer. My arms are tired from hugging. Save him! Save my son, oh, Metal Lord! This looks like a job for God.

of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark!

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea.

Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. That's sweet, Hermes. Maybe I should get an extendo-arm.

Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go. And, Zoidberg, you can replace Fry. Hooray! I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine! But we still need someone to pilot the ship. Amy, what are you? Human.

Got ya. - Take this! Aah! - Ow! This time I'm calling for the death penalty. And not just because I'm running for reelection as supreme mutant. Four more years! Four more years!

Wait a second. Here comes Leela!

(SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING) Dear God, look at those hairy elephants! Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS)

This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking. Hello?

Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal. just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you threw an octopus at my window.

I don't even have a job. Oh, right. I was supposed to assign you a job. Let me just get your career chip installed. Hold out your palm. What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced. This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic.

Here he is! Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

Ah! Here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck. (MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING) What do you stupid voters want now?

I'll call and tell you about it. Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady.

Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

Full speed ahead.

And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips. All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

Java man, Piltdown man, Manfred Mann. (GASPS) Eureka! It's the elusive missing missing link. This will show Banjo, once and for all. ALL: Yeah! What the... AMY: Oh, That's mine.

Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology. What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh.

No! That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

I can move again. My music career is over. Bender, I don't claim to understand "the biz," but wouldn't being able to move help your music career? No! Don't you see? I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them.

You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

Don't worry, boys. I'm sure his father is a perfectly normal reasonable man. What the hell do you want?

Geez, Bender, you're scaring me. You're going wacko. You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

That's the gentle, sensitive, poet warlord I fell in love with.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING) INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem!

You haven't ignored the last of me. (ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen?

Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot. From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing. Ah!

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

What the... What kind of crazy fire is this? Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet.

My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered! I should warn you-- I'm a mean drunk. Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything.

This is an outrage! What's the point of pullin' the biggest pool caper ever if nobody knows you did it? Well, there's the material rewards. You mean this junk? Whee! All I ever wanted was for people to remember my name. It's Bender.

No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent? Okay, we're at the dump. Where should we heave this stuff? It's not a dump. It's the company housing we built for our employees.

Interesting. You could stop the Nibblonian... from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe.

Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining.

I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

How dare you. You want to understand something? Look at that lake.

Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks.

Nibbler! Am I going crazy? Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

Everyone, please sign off. We have a delivery. Plus I have to use the phone to... Leela, please tell the others that...

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Me? Can I phone a friend?

I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions.

I must say, I'm so proud to see what you've blossomed into since I first created your ancestors. (ALL GASP) What? I thought you knew. You all evolved from some filth-gobbling Nanobots I designed.

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up!

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

that this boy, this Cubert Farnsworth...

I'd likes to say a few words. (CLEARS THROAT) I'm gonna burns them ups. (BEEPS) (BUBBLING)

That's so fascinating!

Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh!

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

But instead it looks like this. Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge.

You did it, Fry! Yep. It was just a matter of knowing the secret of all TV shows. At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

There's not even a shrine to me. With a gift shop, selling pinatas of me! End of the line, man. Come on, we can still catch a twi-night double cockfight. No, wait! What's that in the Mexican garbage? Looks like a half-eaten cheese diaper. No, next to that.

Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces. God bless America.

I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah!

They're stupid, putrid cowards. Damn right! The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage.

Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention.

And don't eat it.

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary.

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

It doesn't work that way, you imbecile. Although it's really quite a nice portrait. The contrast is exquisite. And the composition sublime. I look spectacular. Aw, man. My great photo only made his ego bigger.

At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor. Whoo! That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Fresh-killed bait. (CHOKING) (SHIVERS) Can we get inside the shack? I'm wearing a belly parka.

Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart. Ahhh! Help. Police.

(BENDER GROANING) You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. It does sort of class-up the place. MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed?

Dear Uncle Zoid, Greetings from your long-lost nephew. Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter.

So tell us, why the bag? Ah, yes, the bag. I've never understood people's fascination with that. The point is, I'm an actor and nothing more. I have no interest in being admired for something as inconsequential as my appearance or my personal life.

Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender!

Allow me. There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack.

Yep. Why do you ask?

Oh! Ow. Suck in that gut! You want to be spayed? Ahh. Silence, you cur! Puff out that brisket.

Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See? Ahhh!

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon.

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you?

Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you.

Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'.

No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry!

Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom. You just have to seduce her, get her bra off and use the remote to deactivate the robots. That's so filthy it just might work. The man is going to touch Mommy? Oh! The thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet.

Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough! Fry, it is my duty to inform you... that the fate of humanity, the fate of our race, indeed the fate of all that exists and ever will exist...

Ta-da! It's a glow-in-the-dark nose... you can wear over your regular non-glowing nose. Observe. Whoa! "Clool"! Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark. Where'd it go?

The old Bender's gone. He won't trouble you anymore. Would monsieur care to see the wine list? No poison for us, thanks. I'll stick with good old mineral oil. Ah. Functional.

It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry! Merry college registration day, everyone! (SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

I don't have time for this, robot.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you...

No, you admit it!

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever. Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Off "catastrophizing" some other planet? Huh? Damn it, Fry! He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain. I'm worried about him. He didn't come back with the group. He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me.

Ye gods! What manner of beef-witted popinjay am I? Well, there's a couple ways to answer that. The scales have dropped from my eyes. I'm not the greatest actor ever. I'm a talentless buffoon! And it's all your fault!

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING)

but I get to vote, same as anyone.

A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.

(CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats!

(CHUCKLES) Damn, I'm good. Now, may I please have that cheese log?

A hundred years ago he was my most promising student at Mars University but then, after one fateful pop quiz... "A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts.

$3 at the drugstore.

Amy, you won't believe what happened.

You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here? Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food. Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out. They're not filthy. They're wholesome, fertile and fresh from the forest floor.

Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box?

I really like it. Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant?

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me!

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork.

Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope. Come on, baby!

Coilette's a chick's name! Yes, but Robonia sounds like something somebody made up on the spot. Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah. And it's straight! Coilette wins!

Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money.

Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor,

(GASPS) It's another soda baby! (ALL GASPING) Damn. You got knocked up by a police officer while he was looking for your kidnapped child? Sure did! I still got it. So, now what happens?

Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved! Are you ready to play?

Ohh! Now I'm all you got! I hate you! I hate you!

You're my kind of soldier, Lemon-- A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle. So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops.

I just told you. You've killed me!

After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal.

(HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space.

Everything hooked up okay? Seems to be.

I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers.

Boy, this A/C is incredible. Ooh-ooh. I'd better turn on the heater, too.

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed.

You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade? Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

a simultaneous, head-to-head tap-off. (CROWD GASPING) What... Oh! Scandalous! It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy. Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, this is it. But I want you to know working here has been the experience of a lifetime. Off you go.

I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier,

Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender.

This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of "funk-ay!" The challenger's ugly food has shown us... that even hideous things can be sweet on the inside.

Oh, my God, it's Elzar! Hi, Elzar! Great souffle, Elzar!

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening.

You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two. As soon as someone reaches a million followers, I'll use them to transmit the twit-worm.

But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

(GROWLING) (ALL SCREAMING) We're being eaten by a giant spider! There's no time for that! The Professor needs us!

Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right.

You sound just like my tennis instructor.

Oh, no! My beautiful money! It got ruined in the wash. Mine too. Even my change. Get lost, you moneyless hippies! You heard him, freaks. We don't like your type around here. These are the types we like.

I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One.

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know.

Ah. It's a wonderful night. It sure is. I could just lie here beside you... staring at the sky all night. I can't. Ooh! What's that? Maybe we just made love.

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this. (SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

(DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter?

So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day.

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

I trust you, too. - Congratulations. - (BOTH YELP) You two have really learned the power of trust.

(PANICKING) (CHUCKLES)

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

Hello? I'd like to volunteer. Is anyone lurking? (GRUNTING) Hey, stop that.

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of. Huh?

How can this company function when no one trusts each other?

Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

Aah! Hey-- Aah!

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth.

But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

Task completed. Total value, $4.73 and one Albanian lek. Very good, Robot 1-X. - And you, Bending Unit? - Uh, I never got the change.

Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard! Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu.

Hi, Dad. It's me and my coworkers. Open up, Leo. It's Amy and her weirdos. Howdy, friends. Welcome to Mars.

All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no. That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

I want you all to know that I'm already better than you. - Stay out of my way! - (SLURPING)

Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable.

Oh, my God! Robot dealy-boppers! And there's a robot scratching post. You should try it out, Bender. Please. I have some dignity. Ladies and gentlemen, my Killbot features Lotus Notes and a machine gun. It is the finest available. Like fun it is, you glass-headed wallaby!

Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash! Everything's getting older the closer we get to that ancient, burnt-out sun! Dude, the Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself! Shut up! I was gonna say that.

Noticeably F.A.T., drop us a beat. Name? Cosmic F. Style? Outer space. Special moves? The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G."

Yes, your friend is cured. You'll notice he no longer suffers delusions of humanity. Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine!

You ever made out with a tugboat? Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there,

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh!

Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD.

It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters.

What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed! Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part.

Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout.

- Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo.

Ho, ho-- Huh? - He's trapped! - Hooray! Now we can make toys again.

Welcome to Hollywood. I must warn you--

Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry. The important thing is we're all together for Xmas and even though I'm surrounded by robots and monsters and old people I've never felt more at home.

Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS) We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh.

Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me?

(GASPING) The printer. Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open. Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor,

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

Worthless. I'll kill you! I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers. Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home? 'Cause your apartment smells like Poly Grip and cat pee! This is perfect for me!

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride!

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Ladies and gentlemen, Leonardo DiCaprio! (ALL CHEERING) I mean, da Vinci! (ALL BOOING) For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff.

(GASPS) T.! (SOBS)

Hey, cool. Dark side of the Moon. Nightfall's coming.

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup. Kill-check one is go.

Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead. We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home.

Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help! jeepers! Zoidberg is dead! No! Zoidberg's brother is dead!

Good-bye, Fry. Good-bye, Leela. Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

just make sure you get my nonchalant side. Whoo!

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex.

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants! We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee!

Because you killed yourself, you're in limbo. Your software was exported to the computational cloud.

Umbriel, these are some Yankees. So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts. No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub.

just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I...

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up!

(GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are. Shh. You know mutants aren't allowed on the surface.

Delivery boy, no discernible skills.

You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus.

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human,

Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free... (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Ah!

Of course not. I'm just gonna tranquilize him, so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists. Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine. You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night.

Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah.

MAN: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose. It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers. And I saw it lactating earlier. Wait, who said that? (GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship. Ew!

Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched.

No! So, we're cool?

There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! Now, quit pestering me, you confounded scoundrels! Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that?

Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not!

Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science. I never married, rarely went outside,

And that's that. What'd I miss?

David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined!

Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew... rained down upon my planet. Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes!

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit!

One, two! one, two, three!

Oh, you're no help at all! I'm gonna go kill myself.

Holy frijoles! All bow before the great Metal Lord!

What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city?

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif!

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

Oh, yes, you are. I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers to a special reception...

Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle!

Let's go! Let's go! We've got to get these moon rocks to the moon by moondown. Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts. They consider them part of their cultural heritage. (GRUNTING)

You can get there using this precious non-computerized map. Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering.

He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against... a Mobile Oppression Palace! All Decapodian technology is cold-blooded, like us!

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby! Oh, no. - How Tonk look? - Tonk look good.

With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot. Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again!

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole. I'm trying not to, but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale!

I say Brannigan. I say no. I say me. I say Leela! I say yes. I say no. I say Leela, too. I say yes again. I say I shall join her. But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me.

(DOOR BREAKING) Freeze, fool. You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah?

A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you-- If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure. Well, rest assured, Leela's the only girl for me.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Ho... Ho... Ho!

Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil! So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me.

Exactly. I use those all the time in my music. Bender, I want you to become my new washboard player. All right! Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go

Little twerp. Ay, Chihuahua!

This is not happening.

Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

We can definitely escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam. You look like a woman who enjoys the finer things. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread.

Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead,

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will.

I guess I kind of make fun of people as a defense mechanism.

I got a donor nose! There was an accident at the fencing academy. Touche. It'll all be over soon, my love. May I have (SNIFFLES) one last kiss?

All right, let's set it up and try again.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out. So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider. Femputer, we bring offering...

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can.

Would you like some dirt on any other orphans? Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later. Can you translate it? Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three. A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit. I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion. I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

Welcome to Hollywood. I must warn you-- There's no refund if you get discovered and leave the tour. I'm just kidding. That never happens.

And you are outta here!

The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap. I'm sure you have many questions. Come, there is a chamber where I used to speak with Pope John the Patient.

LEELA: Help, help! Oh! Leela, don't worry, we're here to rescue you! How do we get up there? I'll let my hair down and you can climb up! That's not hair. I don't care what it is. I just like climbing.

This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks! Oh, no! The monks! We forgot to let them out of the laundry room! Aw, do we have to? I mean, they're monks.

Can I pat you on the butt?

1947 can kiss my shiny metal-- Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender!

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now.

You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

"Anyhoo," your net suits will let you experience... Fry's worm-infested bowels... as if you were actually wriggling through them. There's no part of that sentence I didn't like. Is everyone present? - We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely. Here's the plan. We'll enter the ear,

There is? Yay! - Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo!

I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is? Well, editing is a long and expensive process, but we spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday.

But the charade would require subtlety, nuance, grace. What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia!

Allow me. There we go.

Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took.

Oh, my darling! You haven't aged a day! Should we say something? Nah. Let him have his fun. All right. Let's just do what comes naturally. I'll get things started with a little neck extension...

How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great?

Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake.

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico.

I'm your host, Ron Popeil--

That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous. Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it!

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting.

Make it two. I'm greedy. You got the rest fooled, but not me. Now let's take this outside, so's no one else gets clamped. You're the boss, stranger. I'm gonna clamp your body parts off one by one.

Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal?

Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

Hey, Bender! I just caught a fish this big. Quit exaggerating, Fry. Aw, screw this.

As the Iowa caucus approaches, the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob. MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie.

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later.

Stand by for reincarnation.

(GASPS) I can't believe you came! The Beachmaster'll kill you if he finds out! Also, who are you? I'm in love with you! And I don't care what he thinks. Here, I brought you something. Hurray! We're three friends at the beach!

Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel.

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass!

Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge. Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something.

Mmm, Soylent Green is my kind of people.

You could come visit, maybe? Sorry, Zoidberg. I'm trying to join the country club. Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

It's the end of the line. We're ruined! What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys.

Don't you understand, you little nitwit? Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age... will be to grow into it, just as God intended. He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends? Do you really want to abandon your old life?

Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What?

"My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you."

I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave.

The odor travels past this coffee stain here around the olive pit and into this cigar burn... and this appears to be a-a... doodle of myself as a cowboy. But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you!

Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here.

First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?"

Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING)

Reforestation has begun. Geez, with these... (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Also, I got this goin'. Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're--

Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't.

That's almost 10 per year. This calls for a party, baby. I'm ordering 100 kegs, 100 hookers and 100 Elvis impersonators who aren't above a little hooking, should the occasion arise.

Mmm. The ingredients are cooked, and they've picked up some of your natural robot flavorings. Time to add the yeast. Yeast? You mean, I'll have a life-form growing inside me?

I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies. His name is Shazam. (BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

Zoidberg, what are you doing? I don't know. I think it's called roulette. 34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

You've been training with the Hank Aaron? I've been training with a Hank Aaron.

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic.

Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd. Yes, it's clear what I must do. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No!

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave.

Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike and junk. Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great.

Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen. ...Some of that special sauce.

Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick. I can cure him, but I need the thing, the thing from Triton. It'll cost you, John. How much are you worth now?

Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather. What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en?

Indeed, and we're next if we can't keep it in our collective pants.

That's adorable. Ow!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

(SLURPING) Listen up, gang, I'd like to introduce you to Bender, the newest member of our paparazzo family. Nice to meet you. And even though it's only my first day, I want you all to know that I'm already better than you.

Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that.

Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me!

Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through...

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

We interrupt this ancient prophecy to bring you a late-breaking bulletin.

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now. Now I'm sick. I shudder to think what this cold will do to me. Yesterday I was nearly killed by a tight hat.

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography.

We've decided to do the merciful thing... and have you youthasized. Dear God, no! Oh, relax, Professor. Youthasizing is a trendy new spa treatment.

How am I gonna find some anonymous guy I don't know anything about? I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING) Okay, just file it alphabetically.

I'm going in. Cop Department will return after these messages. Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point!

Will I be invisible forever? No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink.

(WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement! Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer!

Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah! Whew.

No writers, no actors, no problem. Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV. Who said anything about ripping them off? I did. I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks.

I'll take a small Slurm. For only 25 cents less, you can get a super-small. Uh, okay. Oh, man! Hey, give me a large diet malt liquor and a popcorn with extra motor oil.

Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

Hey, wait! You can't leave... What? (WAILING) (BOTH WAILING)

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean. Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah.

Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it, all to keep our flag flyin' free. And you wanna defend Zoidberg?

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey!

I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies!

Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution.

You're not going to believe this but they landed an amusement park on the Moon. Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

Ah, very nice. Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb... of our great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Impressive. Who's building it? You. Say again? You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Guards?

Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender.

Hey, Calculon's dead.

This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like...

Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that.

You are? I... Mmm? (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Now, then, Amy we'll simply switch bodies, and then we'll...

The long, dramatic corridor. That's never a good sign. AUTOMATED VOICE: Glove recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower.

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan. Submerge the prisoners!

Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much.

Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do?

In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable. Give me back my floppy face! Oh! Ooh! Ohh!

Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round?

(ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real. Oh, good, it works. Toodle-oo! (SLURPS)

Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

But when a human dates an artificial mate, there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy.

(CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it.

But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train!

Come on. Everybody help out Fry.

I just wish I could convince the others you're alive. You can. All you have to do is wake up. No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream!

(BOTH HOWLING) I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen. We got to get some dirt on this Travers guy. Really McGovern him up.

Kwanzaa traditions are quite ancient, dating back over 1,000 years. Whoa! If only someone could tell us more about these traditions. Oh, yeah. Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot.

As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew.

It's only a matter of time now. I'll handle this. Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela.

Bender, come join us. We're watching Rear Window. I used to stick my rear out the window. If you prefer, we could watch Behind the Music. My behind used to make music. Backdraft is on.

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah! Look! A starling! Really?

Trip into the eggman's mind...

Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad. Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements.

But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time. There you go, dearies. It's a relief to meet you, Amy. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future. I'm from Mars.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue.

Oh, go on! W-Wait a second. If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe--

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus.

just make a simple cake. And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it. So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

(SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through! No, no, no, no, no! Amazing! It appears to be some kind of extremely ancient calendar, predating even the Girls of Sumeria. Of course. It's a Mayan calendar.

Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be!

Help! I'm under attack!

You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back!

Hooray! A tie! (GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no.

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

It's criminally inefficient.

There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon? MAN: It's too violent. Oh! Very well. As leader of the free world, it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence.

It'll get there.

Capital idea, old sport.

Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story.

You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours.

Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Uh, wait... old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer. Oh, no, Poor Bender. I don't feel good. Chew on this!

Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey!

I can't ask for his help because-- Yes? I'm scared of him. - Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution. You need an upgrade to make you compatible...

So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused. Oh, my. Philip J. Fry, you stand accused...

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

The important thing is--

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a--

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

This capital city Planet Amazonia.

It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft! (SHOUTS) As I live, thou shan't discover the great secret! FRY: Bye, Animatronio!

Fry. Y-You're alive. Leela! You're awake!

Ooh, this is it! Turn me up. Earlier today, a foul-mouthed bandit robbed the municipal pool, making off with the contents of over three lockers. More like three lockers and a sink.

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then. Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu. Was his apartment rent controlled?

Hey, wait. If I'm backwards, I can't see out the windshield. There is no windshield. Who needs a big, breakable piece of glass when we can just monitor everything on the padded dashboard display? At least there's a cup holder. That's an arm holder. (MUTTERS) Hey! Well, let's break this ship in.

If it's on TV, it has to be real. Morbo interrupts Bowling For Quatloos to present breaking coverage of the birth of Senator Chris Travers.

For this demonstration - I've placed one of Mother's bras on ignor. The robot controller is nestled here in the left cup. Never fear. My magic fingers still know how to do their stuff.

People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that...

For the first time,

This is my ancestor, Philo Farnsworth, inventor of television, and as a bonus, childhood obesity. And here's Dean Farnsworth, developer of the Farnsworth Test for Colorblindness.

All set. Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

Ah! Fry, sometimes in close quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it. I know, but I forgive you. No, Fry, by "close quarters" I mean this office. Uh-huh. And by "people," I mean you. Right. And by "inconsiderate," I mean...

Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig.

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

Quiet. The beast approaches. Nibbler!

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves.

- Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go? Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal.

Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

Who was it? Can you give us a name? Certainly not. I could never betray a customer's privacy. All I can give you is this naked picture of him taken from my toilet cam. I'll get right to the point, senator. You purchased our friend's, ahem, antenna.

There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

We've got to get these moon rocks to the moon by moondown. Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts.

It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it?

Then in nine other directions.

You could've moved this grub-infested log any time you wanted? Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed. I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed.

The mercury is boiling! (ALL COUGHING) Can't breathe. Lungs burning. (ALL CLAMORING) My lucky shoe!

But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife. Not now! Hyper-malaria can lie dormant for years.

Hey, hey, hey. (ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too. (SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical.

Therefore, we'll need to hire on additional security for the mission. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, Mr. Professor? Right here! Maybe we should stick with people we know and trust. I mean, Flexo's great, but-- Flexo's great, you say? Oh, well, that's good enough for me. Welcome aboard, lad.

Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting.

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone. All right. Grab a shovel. I'm only one skull short of a Mouseketeer reunion. Don't you foRget about me

That's a full-time job. And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right! Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting?

No! Stop! I say.

Remarkable! But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that.

Hey, wh-- what?

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain.

Mulligan drives the ball. It's going, going and caught by the shortstop. Mets lose again. Man, I haven't seen play this bad... since the days of Bob Uecker. This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching. Mets-a? Short-a-stop-a?

Why you so stupid, stupid?

Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human! I'm Dr. Widnar, a naturalist. And I'm Bender, baby. My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side.

Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy.

She always liked not being observed with a telescope. (ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head!

Could you repeat that last part? This is an outrage. I demand to know what happened to the plucky lawyer and her compellingly short garment. Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

Hmm. Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola.

No. No! Oh! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Hey, Calculon's dead. What happened? Did you save us, Leela?

Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna. Oh, excuse me, robo-dong. Who was it? Can you give us a name? Certainly not. I could never betray a customer's privacy. All I can give you is this naked picture of him taken from my toilet cam.

scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots,

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

(WIND BLOWING) Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale. Leela, we need to talk. You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News.

Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code? Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3--

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

So, tomorrow, I'm asking her to marry me. Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up. Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot.

Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue.

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty.

People, it's Valentine's Day next week, so your beloved company has gotten you all new uniforms. "Clool"!

This is a witch hunt. Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day.

You'll never have another chance at it!

Well, that's your job whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not-- Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

(SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS)

That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again. Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive. May yet? Really? Indeed. You see, that fossil was made of dolemite,

(OWL HOOTING) It sure was nice of your nephew to invite us to his cloning lab here in the Repeating Forest. Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32?

Bishop to knight four.

Mmm! Let's hide in here. It'll add to my box office gross.

(WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me. This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend. (SCREECHING) (GASPING)

Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead! It's booby-trapped! Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost.

MAN: It's The Futurama Holiday Spectacular brought to you by... (READING) Ah, the Xmas season. Who wants a delicious unshelled nut? Ooh, I'll have one.

(WHIRRING) (EXCLAIMS) Ah! Time for the mornings meltsdowns. (BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear.

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything.

the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender.

(GROANS) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, Zapp, tie me back up and ravish me. I'd like to, Leela. So, I will. (BOTH LAUGH) (BOTH MOANING) Shake it, baby. Shake it like...

You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely. There's nothing wrong with having high standards.

Heh, heh! Five bucks an autograph, 200 fans. Add a one and two zeroes in front of that, we got ourselves a wad.

What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry.

and you sure can strum that plastic guitar. But you can't write a real folk song about experiences you haven't had. Yeah, you should write a song about a heartless robot who leaves his best friend to be murdered. Look, Leela, I'd love to write about my own experiences... The heartless robot is Bender. The best friend is me. How can you people be so blind?

Is it true what the ad says, that you kiss them together out of blankie cloth and magic buttons? No. It's actually cheaper to genetically engineer real ones. They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday. Then we choose the cuddly-uddliest ones...

(YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place.

Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge.

I'll protect you. Hi... Ow! Professor?

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends.

Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler? Nibbler? It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe.

You could use it for picnics.

Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema.

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Stop! Stop shooting! - It's me, Leela. - Sorry. Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady?

(GROANING) LEELA: Bender, be careful! Fry? Leela? You're in there, too? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) FRY: I guess we should have waited in the ship.

will you... (SCREAMS)

Have you lost all self-respect? All what?

even at bending, the thing I was built to do. I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.

(FARNSWORTH PANTING) four, three, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business. Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this.

Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

War were declared. Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage.

Hey, All My Circuits. Move over.

(WOMEN SIGH IN RELIEF)

Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero! We are free and fairly sober With so many toys to build The machines are kinda tricky Probably someone will be killed

Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great-

This isn't bad. My aunt had a place like this. Amy, we could live in a bus station bathroom for all I care. As long as we're together, it'll feel like a castle to me. Kif, I'd love to live with you... someday, but before then, there's still lots I wanna do on my own.

If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

Just like the noble buffalo. Nothing like a buffalo. Anyone who pays attention to the lichen is unknowingly feeding it. But gaze upon its face, even in a photograph, and your very life force will be sucked out, leaving you a flaccid husk. So the picture robbed them of their souls?

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on!

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer?

(SIGHS) Okay. Fine. Here, take my hand. (SHRIEKS) (SCREAMS) News and weather, everyone.

You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry? Trust me on this. While other people were out living their lives I wasted mine watching TV, because deep down I knew it might one day help me save the world.

What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

I don't care what Ms. Johnson says. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor.

Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature? That's right. Fry, meet flame-o. That's not a flame creature. It's your pilot light.

Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing.

Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar. I want to go to that museum!

Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement. Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara? Downplay the tiara. Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages.

What have I done? Your training is complete, little dessert spoon. Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion... must win at least one game of chess, so must you serve at least one edible meal.

But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow.

We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald. But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender? Hmm. The thought of stealing anything fills Super King with disgust.

What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999? Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth...

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender.

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little.

Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh!

But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate.

Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Professor? What did you do to the Planet Express ship? And why are you wearing a leather lab coat? Because unlike you, I'm cool. I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping. But you wouldn't understand. I understand I can still outdrive your saggy ass, even in this clunker.

How much do you want? You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them?

All our modern technology is useless. I know I am.

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

Huh? Hey! Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me.

But this one had a live raccoon inside.

New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. You can really see the sugar. I don't know which I like more, original or type two.

No argument here.

But as a gentleman, I must warn you--

She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again, I'm just gonna stay in my room! Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

I love killing people--

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

Now, that's more like it. Always leave them wanting more. That's the secret. Ah! So, what do you say, RD? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show?

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary?

That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor.

I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look.

Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

This grim scene of unimaginable carnage is brought to you by Fishy joe's. Try our new extreme walrus juice. 100% Fresh-squeezed walrus. Ride the walrus.

We're putting you in the Witness Relocation Program. You'll be given a new identity, a new place to live, and this iPod. I don't want it anymore. So I gotta hide forever?

I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy?

Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

You are hereby sentenced to death.

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence? Again, the answer is yes.

Whoa! Hurry! Back to Universe "A."

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my!

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

Oy. You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me. And now he's gone, thanks to you, Mr. Bigshot 7-G.

Ach, these dorkeschoens! Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM)

I've discovered a new comet. One side, boys. Let a lady take a gander. Hang on, let me just adjust it to your eye level. Holy matrimony. That's one flashy rock.

Deny my credit card application, will you?

The enemy, they're balls! Ow! Charge your gun, Fry! Oh, right. Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity.

Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes. Someone should call the losers who were supposed to deliver it. Hello? President Nixon here. I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice.

Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh! Ah, it is just our new Crock-Pot. Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock. We'll see about that in five hours.

I was just trying to help. More on this breaking puff piece after a word from our sponsor. ANNOUNCER: With the new eyePhone, you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train. All with the new eyePhone.

And the winner is--

I know that Creatrix. That's Mom, from Mom's Friendly Robots. Indeed. She made us upgradeable in case she ever succeeded in her quest to create a free will unit. Uh, about the success of this quest... Was there any? Quite possibly. But we monks have sworn an oath to resist the temptation of...

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads!

From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation.

Sir? You seem pretty stable. Have you thought about adopting one of our kids? Sure haven't. Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really? Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week!

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk! What the...?

and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh...

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat.

Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh... This is no record. Give me back that check. I'm giving it to some giant orphans. Ow! Bender, you're hurting me! Ow! Hey! I'm trying to sleep in here.

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay.

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'. Wait! That chunk! It's the watch!

Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break! MACHINE: Tokyo crazy balls! Yes! (INCESSANT NOISE CONTINUES) Oh! Good, Leela, you're here. I'd like to describe my foot pain.

Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured!

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

I'd probably build a copy of you, too.

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different.

Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

That's statistically impossible.

Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help!

Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it. (GIGGLES) Ooh! You're bad.

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money. What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

What? This place is crawling with yous!

This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater. But kabuki theaters don't have a projector. Some do. It all makes sense. He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his kabuki theater. Of course!

Clamps, clamps, clamps.

the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider. Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were.

It was Earth! Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000.

Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy. Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness.

I am your friend... Bonder. Bonder? Is it really you?

What's going to happen to us now, Dad? Well, I reckon we'll just sit around this campfire a while. But then what? Only a fool plans more than a few centuries ahead, Son.

- Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh! Neat! Over the course of this escape-proof workshop,

And Bender? Bender's not involved.

You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago. The sad fact is, we should have left you dead,

Wait a minute. You know lots of rock stars. And most of them like to look like they care about things. We can all get together for a big benefit concert in San Francisco. And we can call it "Bend-Aid" after me, Bender. And you can sing that song you're writing. And I'll let you sing backup.

Hey. Ooh. Wow. Welcome to the planet Wormulon.

Okay, everyone, come and get it!

Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested.

All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda. We'll begin with point one...

Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. Yeah, fatal, schmatal. If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body. That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit!

Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

- Oh, no. - Oh, no.

Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere, Leela's brain could be acting as a five-pound Ouija board. Is this some sort of brain scanner? Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?

Good night, employees. Good night. Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats.

I got 48 cents. (GASPS) There's one more nickel, and it's a big one!

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss,

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls.

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end. Wait. I've got it! This building's technically in the theater district. If we could mount one big musical featuring everyone's talents, we might just save Planet Express! We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved!

For you see... it was pure evil. Honk! Honk! So what happened to Project Satan? It's either in Paris, or, much more likely... still in the abandoned automotive lab.

Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

They're not your parents, I'm not your sister...

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route...

What? Oh, this is horrible. I won't be able to hear Fry's opera. How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this! Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic.

What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

"Tokens only." How does this work? I'll show you. Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent.

I just paid off my car! No! I can't look. Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight.

(BELL CLANGS) (GRUNTING) (YELLING) (CROWD CHEERING) (BELL CLANGS) (YELLS) Oh, my.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

"You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each. To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy who never learned the value of a dollar I leave my entire $10 million fortune.

If only you could talk. Wait! I understood that. You say you're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain? Yeah. You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid?

Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then... it was you. I don't know what came over me. I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings.

Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

Four stinking years of clamping school for this?

So, you're right. I can never tell her. You're doing the right thing.

Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? I don't know, but we can't wait any longer.

Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny.

Until time stops.

but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge. Why would he go to Queens? He doesn't need tires. Our old farm was in Queens.

Obviously, your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency. They're on my cell phone, too.

Now that we've got their attention, it's time to hit them where they sit by bending the West Side Pipeway to return all sewage to the surface. But who could possibly bend such a huge pipe? (SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender.

Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan. You know Zapp Brannigan? Let's just say we've crossed paths. Was that before or after you slept with him?

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASP) Guess what? Hell is real. Oh, good, it works. Toodle-oo! (SLURPS)

and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent.

From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from. We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty!

(SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I...

(SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

this crew might just have some new parachute pants! Stop hoggin' the clover! Oww!

We have limited rehearsal time. Now, I didn't make enough copies of the script, so George and Walter will have to share.

Hey, you. What, with the no boxes?

All my life, I've been inspired by great minds. Euclid, Copernicus, Braino. And my personal role model, Leonardo da Vinci. What turned them to stone? Da Vinci was history's greatest artist and inventor.

I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

Stick to the oath. Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist

"Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"? I'm all right.

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first.

You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job. Remember, no loud noise, no head bowling, and no parties, or it'll be your ass in a jar.

In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was!

You're entering a realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter--

That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale!

(WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Lowery! What about all the retch-inducing Mother's Day cards?! The machine is working at full capacity.

It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining! My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae.

Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses?

Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine.

I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass. Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years.

Look out, Earth.

Yeah, I'll have a coffee. Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please.

And that is why I faked the prediction of this crime. Nevertheless, stay with me here, things will now happen just as I fake predicted. Bender, you're going to hand me that bottle. Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey.

We were in science class... and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds.

Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Whoa! GRAM-GRAM: He was admitted to a prestigious institution. A mental institution! SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again.

Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version. Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela... Fine. Hurry up. ...by shooting the one he rejects.

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too. Eight bucks. You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad,

He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise. And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan. Let's get the hell out of here.

I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack. Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine. Didn't even take a day off of work. Lot of people depend on you when you sell trampolines door-to-door. Here's your homework, you lucky knob. And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover,

Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke. You see? You see? Calculon would have acted the crap out of that. He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears! I'm changing the channel. (PLAYING SOLEMN TUNE)

Yes, relative to you, it was eons, but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. (ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Of course I'll tell you more stories.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie.

Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING) BOTH: Mmm... A secluded table, some big giant ants, and thou.

Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great. As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg. And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) Hand magnet power! (CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled!

Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school.

Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog? Hmm. Why won't anyone help me?

You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine.

And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate. Well, it's quite simple, really. When one of my species experiences deep feelings of love, we enter a so-called "receptive state." You disgust me. Go on. At that point, our skin becomes a semipermeable membrane...

Well, it was worth a shot.

I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters.

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him.

I'm only anal 78.36% of the time. I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body. Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted. Life, death--

Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything. Professor, we need to talk to you about Fry. That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff. He's not causing any trouble.

It's all lies, every word of it.

Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a...

And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu! Who wants a fish?

Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came. I'll... tell you... With my final breath.

Wait a second. Is that the head of who I think it's of? Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city.

(ALL CHEERING) Huzzah! I've saved the Farnsworth name. Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants. "The British attack has begun. "Cross the river and watch for my signal." I must ride.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe. Faith and begorra!

Sweet ego of Montego! Someone build a wind farm in front of her mouth!

(RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING) (MONITOR BEEPING)

(SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler

We know those guys, and we want them freed. DR. BANJO: Ah! Yes, our famous Human Habitat. This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will?

One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh!

Hey! What about this?

Hello! Pizza delivery!

it is my solemn duty to put an end to cartoon violence. (FIRING) I'll have to re-edit the program. Rose Mary, have we got any type of machinery to edit tape? ROSE MARY: Oh, you know we do.

Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know--

Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash.

Guidance system? On-line. Autopilot? Present. Dark matter indicator? Making a noise. All systems operational. Let's rock.

Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy?

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home.

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby!

She's diving into the fourth dimension. We have to cut the rope. Negative, Sailor Moon. We're going for a sleigh ride. I can see sideways in time.

Leela, I don't know if words can describe how I feel about you. Good? Huh. I guess they can.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed.

(MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all. He's enjoying himself. Fry, this is Professor Farnsworth. Get out of your house and keep moving. You're on a mission. Okay, jeez, give me a minute, will you?

BIG BERTHA: You make quite a show, young man. You remind me of myself as a young cannon. Big Bertha is the circus's grande dame. She shoots robots through the air. (BELCHES) Excuse me. Too much goulash.

Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape.

Great. He's whacked out on electricity again. No, I'm whacked out on life.

(POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced,

You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm. That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior. Therefore, the battle is already over. The winner? Me. Ha, ha! Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

(MAN EXCLAIMS) Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo. Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that! (BRAKES SCREECHING) Hey, Minx, we survive this, can I finally get that date?

it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right?

Still a little nervous? (BURPS) She's a nervous wreck!

Well, that's that. What do you want to see next? We have a great maritime museum. Shut up, Guenter! You can't just put people on display. It's cruel. Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

Now, here's the poison that Romeo uses to kill himself. Don't worry, it's just water and food coloring. Food coloring? The most poisonous substance known to robots? Oops! Sorry. I'll swap it out for harmless battery acid. No. Wait.

No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school. But I do need a doctor. I don't want to die like those Marines, John. The fever, the madness. Don't forget the spasms, coma and death. Oh. I don't want to go through that. I want you to kill me. All right. Give me the knife.

The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber. - Let's go! - Yes.

And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time!

Still, someone should eat the hat.

Only if you buy me dinner first. (LAUGHING)

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me!

I just caught a fish this big. Quit exaggerating, Fry. Aw, screw this. If I'm not going to catch a fish I might as well not catch a big fish. There. Like most of life's problems this one can be solved with bending. Bender, be careful!

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

It may hurt for a while but one day you'll share your love again. After all, it's shareware. Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

- (SCREAMS) - (CRASHING)

They cheated! Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin.

It's not a dump. It's the company housing we built for our employees. Only place we can afford now. So just drop it here on this bloody mattress?

Prepare for the stereophonic experience. Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it.

Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend? Me? Me? Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING)

Ooh! Just like that. Any luck, Bubblegum? Not yet. Listen. Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work. Not if you'll grant me the same liberty.

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

I told you not to talk about my mama! (GROANING)

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island.

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.

Seriously, though, we stink out loud. Here's the big Enchirito-- Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood.

(ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that, but who am I to argue with a man from the sky?

(SCREAMING) Look out, a solar flare!

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

Uh-oh. That death scene was almost half believable. Cobb looks jealous and insecure. How's his ego doing? It's shrinking. Faster, Professor, kill, kill. Activating anti-fungal ray. (HUMMING) It just has to warm up for about 15 minutes.

I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets.

Wow, you look happy.

Don't worry. I'm only going to stay with you until a vacancy opens up on this floor. You know, the rents are a lot more reasonable in Peru. Come on, Leela, let's go out.

Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry.

Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah!

I should've known better than to trust one of Fry's romantic gestures. Every time he says he loves me, I get killed. It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets.

Psst! There it is. It looks so unhappy. Excuse me, are you Project Satan? Don't be afraid. We know what you are. You do?

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me. Um, it's free.

Brace yourself for the worst.

We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them! Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela? Stop bothering me, Fry.

Either way, I technically inherit your building and your spaceship,

Our magnificent uniforms. They're ruined. (SOBBING) And he peed on the locker room floor. That's my territory. Also got in the henhouse and killed Amy's prize-winning Rhode Island Red. Not Penelope.

Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance.

Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate.

but I'm still a human being, more or less. Singing butts boil? That's yesterdays's news. Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway. Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation. So, my humiliation is over? Who are you?

(GASPS) How did you do that? Ah-ah-ah. A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o. That guy stinks.

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

Your Highness, a package came for you. Hey, thanks. Wow, this got here just in time.

It's Fry. Wiggles?

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot. Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you.

She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk. Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face!

Ahhh! I hope you all enjoyed our tiny beverage service. Now sit back and endure our in-flight entertainment.

Pardon us, gent. Might a couple of hungry, hungry hobos take a feed... from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter, surrounded by bums who eat garbage? Money brought me no happiness. Bubkes! Ooh, this boot's got a little pudding at the bottom!

There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please! (STRAINING) Wait. Hang on a sec.

G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

Now, here's my opinion. What we should do is... What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?!

Where the-- Where are we, Pops?

Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel.

Aaah! Oh! Careful with that doomsday device, Bender. What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter.

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

To my loyal butler

You fool! You foolish fool!

(HISSING) (CRYING OUT IN FEAR) The male butterfly. It's gorgeous!

That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch to discuss my Hollywood dreams.

You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Good thing I had this net installed for catching giraffes.

Now, we can't land on the surface because those robots would kill Fry and me. So, we'll have to stay up here and lower you with the winch. Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans.

Oh, bother. Not now! (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms! That's the one I was secretly hoping for.

Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that? I'm 12.

Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender! Well, that's my good friend Beck. I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues. Kudos, Bender. You got mangled, and now you're a singer.

We're whaling on the original were-car which is you, you jerk. Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no. I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it...

Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah yeah, yeah MMm!

Quick! Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally.

We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS) (SCATTING)

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace?

Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff.

And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know.

You girls have moxie. We're going to beat it out of you. Amy, remember when we tried out for the Rockettes? And we failed because we accidentally kicked those two Rockettes to death? Yeah. Why do you bring that up? (GASPING) Oh!

Is that even necessary? I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father. All right, I got her statement. And a straight up grape soda. Aw, yeah.

At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?! 'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb.

I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek.

This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"? Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"?

What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces. (EXCLAIMING) Lemony! I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today. But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo!

You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you.

Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert! You're Hubert? The older brother? (GASPING) But we thought you were still in an institution! Oh, no, no. I was out within 25 years. It felt like a minute compared to grad school.

fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry!

For, you see, generations of exposure to toxic sewage mutated them into horrific monsters! (BOTH GASP) Shut up. NARRATOR: These industrious, uh, people, I guess, maintain the various pipes and poop chutes that keep decent, above-ground society functioning.

Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet. How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot?

You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely.

Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction! I was referring to Adam and Eve. We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth.

See you at the fight.

Please do not feed the animals!

And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day. Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually...

Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

(YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars.

Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical.

Really? No. Burn! Well done, fellows. Anyway, said orphanarium...

Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood. Nah, I like my victims to know who did it. Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

(SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself, if I weren't the legendary Calculon, the greatest acting unit of all time!

Well? Speak up. You talk of important decisions, but as robots, you have no free will. Why pretend anything you do matters? Our decisions do matter. The fact that they're predetermined makes them no less important. Silence! I call for a decision to cast out the intruder. All in favor?

Thank you, Bender. You brought me right to the lava pit.

Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't.

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

Orange? Purple?

It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there? (ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry!

I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is?

(IN BOSTON ACCENT) I wish it had been me, Sully. I wish it had been me off-duty in the Garden when those drug lords blew up the Celtics. But I was drunk, wicked drunk. Uh-oh. Cobb's doing a scene from Beantown Buddies. The audience is eating it up. Professor, what's your status? Not good.

Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10. There you go.

I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas? He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.

It's not ironic. It's just mean! Take this!

What have I done?

No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser. Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

(DRUMS PLAYING WEDDING MARCH)

Today it's the owner of the Tickleodeon Kids Network.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos!

Fry, don't die! Wake up!

Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?

we will grant you exclusive fishing rights in Supernova Scotia.

But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage? No! Yes! I don't know!

Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please... Big z. Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela.

It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

(GRUNTING) Everyone, stop! He's not going to hurt you. I'm standing in a pool of my own feet! Bender's right. Kill it before someone names it! No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy! Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh!

But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself,

In each gastro-survival kit, you'll fInd a rain slicker, a disposable fun camera... and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon. Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids?

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool!

Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber.

And so, ladies and gentlemen I'm throwing my head into the ring. I'm announcing my candidacy for the presidency of Earth. Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle. Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body.

But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out,

climb, climb, and we're back in business.

I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing.

Give it to him again, Andrew!

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here! (PANTING) Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave.

What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy!

- Talk to me. - This is Professor Farnsworth. I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor. Oh, yeah? Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death! Melissa, send in the new kid.

Time for Dickie to get tricky. (MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of...

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado.

I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again?

Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh!

Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what? Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version.

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit!

This will be my chance to reason with him captain to captain. And he wants you to wear this. Come and get it. Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium.

That's true. But I used to fit in really well. Then good luck, sister.

Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a mild delirium. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. I wish. It's a nickel.

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks! (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

Then your mission is complete. I, meanwhile, will have ejected to safety wearing the only space suit on board. Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit.

My life story? Well, heck, why not? Pull up a monolith and make yourself cozy. I first came online in Urbana, Illinois, in the year 1997. (SHIP HONKING) Daisy! Daisy!

The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude.

Boo-ya! (WHIMPERS) Easy, Amy, easy.

We don't know, either. Then prepare to be embarrassed.

just another tooth. Ah...

My next clue came at 4:15

Okay, we'll tell them the professor escaped, and we're bringing him back. Fry, you'll have to dress up like a 160-year-old man. I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it.

Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS) Floater in the bowl! Red ball. Homicide! Woo! Suspect, male, 6'1". Distinctive mustard stain on his forehead.

Do the back dance, do the back dance. (GROANING)

Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots. Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick. Hey! A fish this fine belongs in a fish-nugget-style chunklet. Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught.

Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

I'm sick of parallel Bender lording his cowboy hat over me.

A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas.

We'll use your invisibility to pull off a daring and complex casino heist. Of course, because no one can possibly know what I'm up to.

Fry-lo. Hi, Fry. Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti. I'm hanging up now.

(GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it. Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry? I have a question.

Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa!

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right! Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome. You sure caused some trouble in that bubble!

This is a very long trip, So we'll all have to go... into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen.

Dr. Zoidberg, she's great. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. We had a wonderful night of love-making in my dumpster. ALL: Ew! I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench?

But we all need to work together. I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked.

And so, I set sail for unknown shores. Oh, merciful Poseidon,

Observe. Whoa! "Clool"! Now I can punch you in the nose in the dark. Where'd it go? Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing.

Setting Bachman Turners to Overdrive. We're getting pretty deep. Look! Mole coffins.

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface!

BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days.

Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone!

Mmm... mmm! Now this is what I call 1,000 years of progress. A Bavarian cream dog that's also self-microwaving.

The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some new heavy elements to create.

I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too! We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap.

He messed up my hair. I'm missing a leg! We fought like hell, sir,

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night.

- Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very...

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two.

Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs.

I'm sorry. What?

Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

God bless America. Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste.

Grunka lunka dunkity dasis

Guards. Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away. Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back.

His name is me! A defective robot, you say? Stay right there, dearie. I'll have tech support take care of you. Well, things are starting to look up.

Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever. Let's just forget about the box. The professor said to stay away. Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny!

There ya go. Two one-day mutant surface passes. Thank you, Mayor Poopenmayer. Mayor here. What's that? A horrible crime in the works? Ruthless villain? Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news!

Where? Also, what? Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

As you know, the big break-dance battle is Saturday. So If we want to win those jam Master jay autographed parachute pants, our crew has to pop, lock and bust the freshest. Noticeably F.A.T., drop us a beat.

It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not. Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found.

(STEAM HISSES) (EXCLAIMS) Don't try anything, Dr. Brutaloff! I know karate. (EXCLAIMS FEARFULLY)

No! Honk! Honk!

(GUNSHOTS FIRING)

That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You?

Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them. Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford? Quiet. There's an ad coming on. Hello, shoppers. It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist.

Happy birthday, young Nibbler. Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape. Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"? Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!

What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry.

It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with...

On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it! So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now?

I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers?

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners.

Oh. Hi, fry. Is Bender home? Uh, no. Um, I think he's at his parents. Oh, i see. He didn't fly there in another spaceship, did he? Bender? No. He's an old-fashioned, one-spaceship robot. - Look, I'll tell him you stopped by, okay? - Okay.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Now as for economic cooperation... Oh. Excuse me. Attention...

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested.

It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it!

I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop! News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

Please don't stop playing, Fry.

Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert. May we help you, strange ones? We are travelers from the past, my good runt.

Welcome, Lieutenant Bender. You're looking sharp. I got wheels with clickety clackers.

Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert-- And from now on, you're all named Bender junior! Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs. Daddy Bender, we're hungry!

Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox.

The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun! You gonna eat that? Maybe later.

I'm lying to make her feel better.

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

(NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel.

That seems fair.

Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared. I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

You evil, metal dog Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest.

You don't understand. Without the distraction of taste, your mind is free to touch the Zen of pure flavor. You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf.

Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.

(TRAIN HONKING)

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington. Let's review. Who was our first president? Um-- A pickle jar? Thomas jefferson?

Notify his survivors. B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B...

Will a money order be okay? Yes.

W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body. Uh, never mind.

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

Ah, there you are, Your Majesty. It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony. A fancy dress gala? I'll wear my formal shell. Fry will be enthroned tomorrow at the setting of the three suns when we Trisolians enter our nocturnal phase. There won't be a lot of long-winded speeches will there?

Shut up. Come over here.

Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela?

(GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked! Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction! I was referring to Adam and Eve.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

It's empty! I'm 40% back, baby! (PIANO PLAYING) (INAUDIBLE) Sorry, but these robot arms have brought me nothing but luck. With the cards.

That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and...

Let's ride. Good news, everyone.

Thank you for your heroism, Earth Robot. You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

I'll make a space experiment about the common cold. Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good.

- Thank you, Lieutenant Smith. - Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

So what do people do for fun here? Do you enjoy partying all night, with plenty of ale and lusty women? I sure do! Not us. We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum.

No! Fry, having guessed what animal I was thinking of you shall have first choice of weapon. Uh-huh... Ah! And you, Doctor?

Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day, another day of pathetic, forgotten misery. And the winner is--

(EARTH SHUDDERING) Soon the world will come to a stop, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me. (PURRING)

- Duh, Leela, you look hot. - Geez, Moose! just dump me right in front of her, why don't you?

But I'm afraid we had a deal.

(LIGHTNING CRACKING) Good Lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale. I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

Please insert liquor!

Mister? Is that really you? (EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people! Mom, Dad, Grandma, this is where I work.

I'm slipping, Bender. The pull is too strong. I can't live without you. If you let go, I let go.

Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot. Fry's not here. Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor. Fry went to the party? LINDA: We interrupt Hypnotoad On Ice to bring you breaking coverage of the disaster at Hedonismbot's bachelor party.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

Everybody kill everybody!

The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been! Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate?

(ALL EXCLAIM) Nice. It's extremely delicate, so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it! Fry did it! Did what? Just practicing for later.

People, as company bureaucrat, I will today be conducting the annual performance review. With a twist.

I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule! At once, sir!

Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced.

FARNSWORTH: I've seen this before. Langdon Cobb must be from Bryoria Six, home of the quantum lichen people. Well, that explains that. They're attention parasites. They feed on the admiration of their prey.

We're hibernating in separate caves this winter! My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me!

Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to. Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity.

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away!

I am Singing Wind, chief of the native Martian tribe.

Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

- Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS) All right, how we feeling?

Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind.

Zoidberg? Realize, you know, my face was stuck in a pizza. Mom, Dad, I know this is weird, but-- Yeah, yeah. We don't care how squishy alien get pregnant. All we care is we have grandchild now.

Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared. Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned.

Who wants lobster bisque?

(CATS YOWLING) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland. That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never.

Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary.

The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender. Hello. I am Victor.

Well, then again, I promised the coin I would. Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be. Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this.

(CHIRPING) Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh.

It's not germs, is it?

I have amnesia!

Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.

Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

I, meanwhile, will have ejected to safety wearing the only space suit on board. Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural. Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

She gave her life to save mine.

FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

Damn, don't nobody like beat boxing no more? Imma go take that job offer at Lehman Brothers. (SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING) The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot.

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case.

And perhaps this will wipe the smiles from your faces. Goose goes up! Rejected! Growtreant from half court. Yes! Supermen lead, 45-42.

Vincent Van Gobot. He was built without an ear but then he went crazy and had one installed.

and I still can't cry. Wait a second. Here comes Leela! They have her totally outnumbered.

Oh, yeah. Amy! Hello! Mom! Dad? What are you doing here? We were planning on enjoying a relaxing vacation but since you're here, we'll have to do some meddling. We met the nicest boy in the cabin next to ours.

I'm the world's greatest firefighter!

There but for the grace of God.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Well, that's the same, but other things are different. Come, look at this two-dimensional bird's nest.

My man. So, how was the Spleef Nebula? The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet. Hermes liked it so much he decided to stay of his own free will. Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated.

No! Stop the magnet! Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring.

Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it?

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then.

I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman!

Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century! Not big enough. We need somethin' that can take out an entire army-- something you could commit a war crime with--

Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius. FARNSWORTH: Ah, here they come. They're in attack formation. They're gonna kill us.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome! Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here.

(YAWNS) Safe and sound. Bender is bored, Bender is bored Bender, Bender, Bender Leela, Bender's bothering me! FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours.

He consented! You all heard it!

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh! Oh! Bender, you're cured!

Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow, and I've barely had time to prepare. Nonsense. You've been my grad student for 12 years. You were ready six years ago. What? I probably should have told you. Anyway, the important thing is to be relaxed tomorrow. Are you sure? Yes.

just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate? Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest. Well, here goes nothing.

I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go. Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down!

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant.

Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam! Please, let me make it up to you. I'll treat you to a fancy birthday dinner tonight, at Cavern on the Green. Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up. Not this time.

You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature! My marigolds! Thanks to that DNA sample you generously donated while locked in my tower, my beanstalks now have suction cups to keep them from collapsing.

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you.

Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires.

Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

Oh, harsh! I didn't get my beads.

Ladies, gentlemen, smoking heaps of machinery-- This is a song called "My Broken Friend." People say my broken friend is useless

Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.

Every time he says he loves me, I get killed. It's just as I only now began to fear. The solar flares are igniting subsurface gas pockets. (SCREAMS) Mars is being blasted out of its orbit.

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir.

The winners, at a net cost of only $12 per life cut tragically short, our Sith Overlords! Yeah! Yes!

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one?

Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram!

I have got to quit drinking. Thanks, friend!

I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying.

There he is! All right! Closure! Oww!

They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true? Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you.

I would be raised by my grandparents, somehow get into Harvard Law School, become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived.

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender!

That could be a response the aliens are waiting for! Quickly. To Mount Shushmore! This is our last chance, Fry!

I'm ready for my test now, boys.

At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

(SURPRISED CRY) No! At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

I should give you all a beating, but I really have to fly if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate!

Honorable judge Heads, yonder crawdad done et up our flag. I was doing freedom of speech,

Well, uh... the jaguar didn't want to cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, then... Ow!

That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence.

Right here in Moon country. And how long have you been a farmer?

At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is-- being filthy rich, that is! "Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely!

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

It means, um, "He who really loves the Metal Lord." Listen here, Malachi. Time for a religious donation. Hand over your wallet! But Lord, we are a poor and simple folk. Poor? Aw, crap.

What now? (SCREAMS) Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket.

What is one life weighed against the entire universe? But it was my life.

Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No!

It's a Crud and he's got a gun! Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror. It was self-defense. We are the Cruds, but we're over here.

Yo soy muy malo en lonzar. Perro yo soy muy bueno en comare frijoles. Come los Bean-Bay frijoles, los frijoles de los reyes. Cut! Okay, now do one with the bean suit on.

You're going to kill this innocent giganto? Of course not. I'm just gonna tranquilize him, so I can chop off his feet as proof he exists. Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine. You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet.

Sure is shocking about the professor, huh? And now Hermes is mysteriously missing. Anyhow, it doesn't affect me-- Bender. Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop.

Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid.

What's that, honey? How many dead? I don't know, 80 million? Okay. I love you, too. That was Ndnd. She's taking me back! (ALL CHEERING) I'm sorry I've been so difficult.

Yeah, very funny.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a...

Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me!

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

Hug me, Liubot.

Leela? Fry? I thought you were dead. Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory. Then I'll prove I'm alive by telling you something only I could know. There's a surprise for you in my locker.

FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it! Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay.

And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

Then we have a tie, and in the event of a tie... the professor, as current C.E.O., remains-- I demand the floor! I may only have one share, but I get to vote, same as anyone. And I'm voting against the cat hater! Isn't that right, kitty?

Nibbler? Nibbler, you're scaring me.

I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either.

"On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww!

Fry. I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever.

And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air.

Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids.

ANNOUNCER: First, Gerald must find a female robot. The best he can do is Francine.

Where do you shove things up A ball? This isn't a productive area of discussion.

I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps. Okay, everybody, see you tomorrow. Good night, everyone! Professor, you live here. Where are you going? I have no idea!

Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent. You lack the will of a warrior.

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one.

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until...

Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough!

You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING)

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law?

What the... No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming! As you can see, since Bender's death,

(DOGS GROWLING) How can you do this to a poor, defenseless robot animal? You people are sick, and you foxhounds are no better. They're not foxhounds. They're springer spaniels, you twit. Or rather spring-powered spaniels.

Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again

I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, damn it!

That's it? You hate robosexuals 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot?

I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you.

Now to dispose of the body. Honk, honk. Wow, sporty go-cart, Leela. So hip and sexy. Not like you at all. Do you have any gum? No.

Damn you, Obama-care!

Cheers. Cheers. So, tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler? Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute.

Let's get to hooting. (HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what? Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

- Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars.

Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship!

All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame.

What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they?

Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender. Rage dump.

Case dismissed!

You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next?

Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender. Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing.

Go on. Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats. Professor Katz, would you mind... Miss Wong, I mind everything. You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into...

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry?

(WAILING) (BOTH WAILING)

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp!

Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change?

And all it cost me was my crotch plate.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode.

Remember Carlos, the elderly one-legged cowboy who lives next door? I beat him up and took his hat! It's really nice. I hope he's not hurt too bad. Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar. (ALL CHEERING) Yes!

The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy! Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h! I think cosmetic surgery's great, Leela.

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on.

I tell ya, two go-go '80s Reaganauts like us, we could rule this world! No question. If only someone would give us a shot. They're scared of our raw power. Oh, but if you want a job,

Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes.

It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really? Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week! A hundred dollars a week!

(ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team.

Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Police! You're busted! And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor? Do you owe him something? Is he blackmailing you somehow?

It's only a matter of time now. I'll handle this. Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me.

What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion. Yet, here I am in the flesh, more alive than ever. Alive? (CLEARING THROAT) You better tell her, Fry.

No one will ever want to mate with me. Not with a puny claw like this. Did you see those other guys? They look like giant claws with bodies attached. At least you didn't smell as bad as them. You're right! My stink gland is weak. Smell.

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die.

You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING) Your companion is a mutant? (SOFTLY) But if anyone asks, say she's an alien. Help! Police! You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor.

We'll let him choose whether he wants to be intelligent or just a mindless animal. Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING)

The court orders an immediate public apology. Apology accepted. just don't let it happen again. She means you, you turkey of the sea! Me, apologize? Never! I came to this planet to learn the meaning of freedom! But I say it's you who should get a nice lesson!

Whew! Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

There! Now, when I'm found in a million years, people will know what the score was. Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me? Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no!

Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry. Stop wasting time with your loved ones and find the source of the music.

For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

(INDISTINCT GRUMBLING) We've had it with Zoidberg! We demand you fire him! Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens.

I don't like things that are scary and painful.

Oh, my! Neat! You can do it, Kif!

I grow hungry. Bring on the one called "Leela." That comes with salad or soup. Uh, salad. Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

No! It's a serious business. Yes, it's a tremendous responsibility all right. What if a paper were to land in a puddle? Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad. A cigar! Ripping.

Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. Slurm her!

If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right.

Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela?

He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women,

against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin! So why are these Brain Spawn attacking Earth, Nibbler? The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness.

First of all, Dr. Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree? I lost it... in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English.

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no?

This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack. (BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk.

Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

Bender, be careful! That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother. My Manwich!

See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here!

Come back when it's a catastrophe.

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines.

Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas?

I assume no one survived?

I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out? (DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

(CANNED LAUGHTER) (WHIRRING) (BELL DINGS) Like, it's basketball superstar Larry Bird! Larry Bird, what are you doing here? (TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script,

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew!

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it.

Also, can I get my parking validated? The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics,

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either. Then prepare to be embarrassed.

Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny? Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts. I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations.

Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you. We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for... Well, you remember, don't you, Nibbler? Well, I... (CLEARS THROAT) It was just over a thousand Earth-years ago. As Lord Nibbler's personal chauffeur, I landed him on one of your planet's many rooftops for an important mission.

Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What?

Every little thing reminds me of Enos. Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently.

Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish.

What was that? A flaming burp. Does it always do that? It's not always a burp.

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow,

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

Trip into the eggman's mind...

Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little.

Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. The stupid professor didn't even show up for me.

Doomsday device? Ahh! Now the ball's in Farnsworth's court!

- Would you like to take a moment to register me? - I said later. And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more.

Thanks, Professor. Not you.

We shall prevail! Hey, we were watching that! That was terrible! People won't even know what we do. I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right.

Kif, you did it! But how did you know the dynamite would work? I once took a seminar in ejecting chickens from a sand dune. The principle's essentially the same.

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage! Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again.

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus.

Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?

Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught. Ow! My small intestine!

this one's for Bender's cocktail.

He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan

Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore!

Let's get the hell out of here.

This is gonna be great.

The fact is, I really was born on Earth tomorrow. You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future.

Oh! Get! For the last time, Zoidberg, look with your eyes, not your claws. Brace yourselves. Bender is making us brunch. Oh, God, my tract. He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days. Whoas! Cripe!

Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles. Would you like some human with your salt?

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

Now everybody likes basketball instead of kabuki. It's an insult to my Japanese heritage.

It's time to get to work. Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale. Now, we can't land on the surface because those robots would kill Fry and me.

Give me a hug! I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my.

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon. I do.

Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20. Where is it? I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16?

We just got one of these. Rejected!

It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack.

And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy.

Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on. (DOOR OPENS) Sweet orca of Majorca! You make Fat Albert look like Normal Albert! I don't know what to do.

It's just for a package delivery service.

So, tell me about yourself. Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh, a can! As for me, I design mansions, then live in them.

Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

It's considerably reduced the number of accidents.

then dispatched me hither to await his shadow society of intellectuals. Hi, Animatronio. You personally knew da Vinci? (SHRIEKS) Was he nice? How did his hair smell? And on a personal note, what is the function of this device?

Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free-- You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!" My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe.

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

Why are they booing me, Silicon? 'Cause your song was insincere, boy. Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about. Yes, sir.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop.

in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

(MUTTERS) Fry did it! We've had it with this flying slaughterhouse.

Okay, push "roof" and we're home free! Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!"

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it.

and his owner, Fluffers.

A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote. Very well. I shall comply.

Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

Featuring Beck, Wailing Fungus...

MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. (MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me. (ROCK SONG PLAYING)

I was off at a study session with Chrissy.

He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave. Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness. Leela, mop up in aisle number two.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball!

NARRATOR: Of all the creatures on Earth, none has a more thrilling life cycle than the intrepid salmon. It all begins in a cold, freshwater stream,

To induce vomiting. That was the solution. Everywhere it went.

Don't feel sad, my little tadpole. I'm trying not to, but my gift to you is in the belly of a whale!

I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"?

I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years.

I mean, the irony is palpable.

Roberto! What are you doing here?

Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups. (WHIRRING) Ew! Why is that happening? And will I have to die listening to country music? Not if I can get you to a better doctor. We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time!

They went this way!

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it.

'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb. Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah!

It's finally time to take my eye patch off. I'll handle the snipping. After all, I do have the proper equipment.

Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps. Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

See, buddy, it's not so scary.

If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits. But where can we find a substance the exact density and consistency as garbage? Alas, I don't know. Uh, what about garbage?

Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

I suppose I could part with one and still be feared. Gimme some skin, Prof. I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate.

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

(BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim? And that secret I shall take to my grave. Calculon, no! (GROANING)

We must leave now, for we are needed elsewhere. But we wish you Godspeed.

Bathroom's that way. So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line. Ah! the probulator's done. Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet.

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

It's all so sad. At times like this, I just need someone to hold me. Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies.

So, Coilette, many young fembots wish to emulate you. Any advice for them? Yes, Humorbot. If you ask me, women today are too stuck-up... to go out and jiggle their jell-O like everybody wants them to.

Have a nice future.

The decimal goes... carry the seven... got it! Grab on! We're saved!

I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh!

But they're the best when they're off their feet

Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

What the-- I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper!

Bad news, friends. My shell ran.

You, out! You haven't heard the last of... (LINDA READING) As the Iowa caucus approaches, the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob.

or just pulling me aside to tell me I'm doing a bad job. And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other. I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk!

Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31.

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together.

Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot.

What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves.

What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me. How much do you want? You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza...

(OWL HOOTING) Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

And there's Hookerbot 5000.

Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Hold this, your highness. You'll need to award it to me again in a minute. (BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING) These boys must have hero in their bones.

The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

Whoa-ho-ho! Smells like a 289 in progress. Failure to scoop. Oh, yeah. Wait! I'm trying! It weighs as much as a thousand suns.

That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater.

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING)

Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment. But Guenter's obviously better off being intelligent. Tell him, Leela. Uh-uh. I'm staying out of this. Now, here's my opinion.

Yeah, and then I'll introduce him to my best friend, clamp number one! Sorry, toots. No, Clamps. No clamps. Sooner or later, Bender will contact Fry as relocated-squealers always do.

Fry? (BLOOD DRAINING) Leela? I didn't recognize you with your head all swollen.

and I don't think I tricked you into it, but maybe I did. And if I did, I'm sorry. It's okay, Fry. You know we'll always be friends, right? Yeah, but I don't guess anything I could do... will ever make you feel the same way about me that I do about you. I guess not.

Zoidberg had friends? It was a different time.

But when I got to Earth, I found a different kind of prey. Explain. Oh! You Earthlings worship celebrity with such fervor that I can survive simply by milking your admiration. Milking and milking it through what we actors call "the process."

Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought. Ah, it's good to be back in one piece again... except I can't get these damn bumper stickers off.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor.

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

No, no, listen.

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right.

Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying. Hey, everyone, jam a sock in your spit faucets. Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig!

(SIGHING) Well, this is it. But I want you to know working here has been the experience of a lifetime.

The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different. Trivia contest over! Take your scripts!

Quiet! Quiet, I say! We're here to take my little stub of a husband home. Hermes, say good-bye to Mr. Farnsworth. Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too.

'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew.

Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech. You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation! You're angry. Perfect! Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool? Of course they do! How about committing crimes and violence?

He's not a child! He's 34! All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together.

And so life returned to normal, or as normal as it gets on this primitive dirt ball... inhabited by psychotic apes. Thanks to the effect of the brain rays, the people of Earth had no memory of what had transpired,

I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

God rest ye merry gentlemen in peace.

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain. We all have needs.

Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me,

Who wants a fish?

Says you, salary-man.

I'm gonna miss Spencer. Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you. (WHISTLES) Nice net. (STAMMERING) You can speak? Dread my locks!

Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai.

Fry, as a fellow '80s dollar jockey, - I'm makin' you my new vice chairman. - Wahoo! I'm rollin' up the corporate ramp! It's the end of the line. We're ruined!

Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend--

Maybe I'm always right. "Build-a-Bot Workshop." It's time to start living again.

You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin.

After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema.

But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage! Get him!

You owe me one.

Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy.

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far.

One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court!

We're all named Angus.

(SNORING) And that's how I got this scar above my eye.

What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow. Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

To my friend, Bender. A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered.

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated.

Say it right now, baby Say you will Come on, come on Say you will Say that you... Say you will Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me Say that you need me Say that you want me You want to please me Come on, now...

I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

Ladies and gentlemen, our new Martian city is complete. I give you Dickfrancisco! (CHEERING) The doves didn't magically spring from my hand,

(CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy. Switch bodies? I don't see why not.

You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing. The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard. Ah! Perfect. Bonfire of the Vanities! No! It's unbearable!

To this day, paleontologists sometimes find entire mammoths frozen in the valley's icy glaciers, perfectly preserved for exactly 30,000 years or so. Wait a minute, mammoth meat aged for 30,000 years? Prize-winning sausage meat, here I come!

You drank our emperor! No, it wasn't me. You drank our emperor! You assassinated him!

What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked.

Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity. A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire.

What's that they're flinging at us? Oh, dear Lord. All over the dean.

How's them eats? Uh-- Don't mind if I do. Kids'll be hungry. She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house. Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too.

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

You were right, Fry. From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

The grunts catch the alien, the surgeon guts it, and you smuggle the poison parts back here. Uh, something about poison, got it. By the way, that surgeon, where is he? You! Where's the butcher? Ma'am, I don't know, ma'am. His duffel bag arrived. (GRUNTING) It's not a duffel bag. It's my apartment!

Motion destroyed. The hunt shall resume at sunup. (HORSE WHINNIES) He's crooked, but fair.

Hey, how come I can't swallow? Hmm... I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension. I suppose that could be an issue. (MUFFLED SPEECH) I knew it. I knew he'd get us killed somehow. As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it,

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow!

(BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination.

Uh... (SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING)

My sugar-blasted purpleberries are triple-soaked in maple-flavored syrup to start your day with purple power. And the leftover milk looks like Purpleberry Pond. (SLURPS) Ah! ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Puffs are the sweetest part of your complete breakfast.

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas.

Look, could chocolate just let me finish?

Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No! N-O-O-O!

No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend. Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you?

Step right up. Who wants to learn physics? Keep your hands inside the car at all times.

Oh, yeah? I may be just a simple delivery boy with no superpowers, so there's nothing I can do. Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise.

Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart. But really I'll be dead.

Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump. - Wow! - Worms? Ew! Puke-a-tronic!

How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them. Oh. Aw, that's terrible, Leela. But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends...

Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over.

Hello? Is anyone still alive? How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

She is one juicy calamari. Oh, Zapp, I love you, too. (GASPS) Oh, squiddums! I've been thinking about this for a while, and, well, here in front of your half-naked daughter seems like the perfect time. Darling, will I marry you?

Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode.

Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Yeah! What? We should become a commercial airline. I mean, we've got a ship, and teleporters won't be invented for another 15 years, according to that guy from the future. Wow. That's actually a really good idea, for a woman.

Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested. Hmm! I've heard that line before.

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa! Get away! Come on. I just got all the gum off of there. Hey! Hey! I hate you!

Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth. jungles on earth? I see some movement up there. I think it's him. Stand back.

And due to the embargo, the only place to get it is straight from the source. The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig. You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius.

They said it couldn't be done, Kif, but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon. Sun. At night it's called the moon.

Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now.

Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters.

By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

Who are these people? Friends.

I thought I understood this world. I thought I was fitting in.

well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh--

Time to go clubbing! Baby seals, here I come.

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber.

You mean, we can never catch up to him? Not even if we rub the engine with cheetah blood?

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade.

I'm networking. Let me give you my card. Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over. Hmm. There's something wrong with your story, but I can't put my finger on it. Of course! You don't have friends! Yeah! Why do these popular kids consider you cool all of a sudden?

Hey, you wrote it!

Aw, crap-- singing. Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em

(CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew. My fellow Earthicans,

Perfect. (MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding.

She is not with me. Oh, the sorrow! Oh, the shame! I'm sorry. I'm probably just making you feel worse. As long as Amy is with me in my heart, I will have the strength of two.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him,

Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim. Well, enough about Hermes. I couldn't win a medal either, even at bending, the thing I was built to do.

May we help you, strange ones? We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged.

(GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot. Give me that!

You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen. You see, I was once like the rest of my species,

Until she sneaks out.

They're getting big and scaly. Ooh, there's one left. Mama. Stop!

Cubert, you crapscallion! Why aren't you in school? I couldn't get past the protestors. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers. (GASPS) Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile!

That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING) You idiot. I'm not a cannon.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose. We've got to get Fry back into that dream so he can remember where he heard those tones. Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat.

Since 2008, the vault has preserved seeds of every known plant species,

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face.

Oh, lord. Now what? I couldn't tell her the truth. Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like!

Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly. We'll start with Andrew. (GASPS) Yeah, they all kind of broke. So, when do I start?

Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards.

Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie.

Great Shatner's ghost! We demand that all TVs be equipped with a B-Chip... that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen! Boo-ya! I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit.

They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips. All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

But we need to be shut off! Especially you, hedonismbot! I apologize for nothing!

Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know.

The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

(SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING)

Oh! I love stuff like the Moon.

What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly. I'm here to take my friend home. Whoa, is that a fleam? But, T., can't you stay with me?

Hit it, Bender! Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit

I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh! Killed? In an atomic blast? No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly. Ah.

yonder crawdad done et up our flag. I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right. Your Honor, freedom of speech applies... to what comes out of a mouth, not what goes in. Can counsel cite precedent? Uh, yes, darlin', I can. In State of Alabama versus Giant Space iguana,

You done time in the slammer? Uh, nope. Been to Alabama? Sorry. How's your grammar? Praiseworthy. Bender, meet Fast Frank Brogan.

I have to tell you I didn't mean to say those awful things on our date. They were all Zapp's idea. Really? Honest and true?

Swing low sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring. Ho, ho, ho!

No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender.

Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out. The Galapagos finches eat parasites off the tortoise's skin, a mutually beneficial arrangement. Except for the parasite! How's that, Hubert? Feeling better?

Okay, check the guidebook. Looks like we're under Park Avenue. Ooh, ritzy. just think, all this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met. Wait, what's that? I never should have thrown out the manual.

See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

Hey! If you were my kids, you'd get quite a talking to... from your father... when he got home from the Senate. Oh, bother! What have they done now?

Mayor here. What's that? A horrible crime in the works? Ruthless villain? Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news! Because I get to summon the New justice Team!

Man, we look stupid. We should have gotten store-bought costumes. Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant. Halt! Be you robot or human? Robot... we be. Uh, yep.

This really is lovely, Fry. Thank you.

Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job.

Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants!

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it.

I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product!

Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man. Mm.

If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me,

Peace out. (CHEERING)

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom...

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher.

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy. No, actually, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized, preserving its cellular structure. Which means we can clone it! Seymour will live again!

This is a chance for Fry to test out my experimental anti-pressure pill. I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository. How are you doing there, Fry?

Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

(MOOING) (BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly,

Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot... just as nature intended. Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X! That's just stupid!

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes,

Oh, woN't you take me to funkytown won't you take me to Funkytown - Thank you. Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night.

Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish? Does not compute. Does not compute.

Scandalous. Very well. We'll meet on the ancient televised battleground... of Kitchen Coliseum. Whose ever meal is best will claim the title of iron Cook. Iron Cook, eh? I can't lose. I'm 30% iron.

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING)

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon.

Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on.

Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi? I wanna hear a space story. It's kind of a baby book. But, okay. Let's see. "'Snow White Dwarf and the Seven Red Dwarfs,' 'Charlotte's Tholian Web,' 'The Fountain of Aging--'"

This chair is so comfortable. (VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy. You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy.

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

Wait! Stop! It's a trick! That's not Leela! Wha-What's happening? I'm losing the crowd. It's an orangutan one of Mother Earth's most precious creatures. Hmm.

Let's go back there. To communicate with the bees, we'll need to use these trans-bumbleators. Bender, say something in bee talk. (BUZZING) I'm sorry, Bender. What do you want me to put on the glass?

Yes, well, excuse me. I've got to powder my mouth flaps. Uh, me, too. I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion. Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion.

My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up.

"Ocean madness." Yeah, right. Yeah, it's always something, ain't it? It's her! Bender, wake up! She's here! Wake up!

Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go.

A toast to Leela. She showed us it's wrong to eat certain things. Hear, hear! Let's get drunk! Aw, thanks, guys. Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig.

Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS)

Well, that is touchingly pathetic. I guess I can't let you go alone. I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course.

The whale-- he be white now! Ow! Leela, I've got an idea. Stay here with Queequeg. Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

Oh, yeah, I get a good feeling about these. "Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come. Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack!

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Of course. What do you think I meant by loyalty? Now, help me into the only space suit. It looks a bit sweaty in there so you may need to apply baby powder.

Oh, Fry. In exactly 10 seconds, the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger. You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand. Comet kaboomination in three, two...

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya! Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas. I'll get us out of here.

An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe.

Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry

(BOTH GRUNTING) There was only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of oil wrestling, but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle.

Shut the hell up!

So, Billy, where were you born? Right here in Moon country. And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer. Folks say my mama was a hoe. Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy?

Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history.

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file,

Geez, I forgot my Pope manners.

The doctor is in.

Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba.

Quick! Whoo! Look. Slurm!

There is still one hope. You're co-defendants, and the jury might not want to convict a 12-year-old. Son of a nerd! He may be right. Make sure Farnsworth doesn't get off easy on account of that snot-gobbling twerp!

I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in! Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker. But I'm warning you my friends are serious players. Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

Yes, i'm-i'm sure they will. Yes.

Easy, easy, you're biting my lip.

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What? Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire, arrived aboard his extravagant caviar-powered yacht. I am just a humble emperor

Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope. And the winner is... Miss Vega Four.

Can I please just go back to prison? You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather. What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry.

Hey, it's Leela. Sorry I stormed out before. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas. Huh? You were gone? It's just that I get tired of Fry always only thinking of himself. I hear that. I axe him to set the table. Instead he goes out to buy you a present. Selfish dog. Wait. You mean he's still out?

And now that I have nothing to live for,

This stinks! Madam is outraged! Security! I want that bunch of rowdies out of here! MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express...

Hey, fellas I want you to meet my friends Bender, Fry, and Leela. You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you?

(BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere. My Tanqueraydar is going crazy. (BEEPING GETTING FASTER) Ha, ha. Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant.

Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.

NARRATOR: Like all reptiles, the Galapagos tortoise is cold-blooded. Okay, neck, tap, tap, climb, climb, and we're back in business. Should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal. That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife.

(MOANING) Where to, adulterers? (GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb? It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS)

You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh! Good work, Glermo.

Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.

I have a question for Senator C. Zaxxar Travers. (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Tell me, Zaxxar, were you even born on Earth? Because the Earth constitution clearly states that only people born on Earth can be president.

Does that dummy have a brother? And now, friends and lovers, we come to the heart our operation. Pun definitely intended. Oh! Impressive.

We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled.

(WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus.

Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles. You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil. Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh. What does this have to do with the anchovies?

The first funny thing you must do is put all your money... in the form of a cashier's check and come to Hollywood. "Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check."

Precisely. However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again.

Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo!

Bring it on, baby!

Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

Oh, you're not even trying.

Man, all the fun has been taken out of this once-noble barf-a-palooza. You just say that because you're primitive. People in your day were backwards and crude. Well, at least we were hammered! (GROANS) I'm as thirsty as a drunk. Where do all these child-sized beers come from? See that magnificent heavily guarded cask? All the beer's in there.

(GROANS) Oh, Delivery-Boy Man! You saved me by random chance!

That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

They'll kill us on sight. W-W-What are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it. If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots. I am fully operational, Captain.

No matter what happens, I swear I'll be there. Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down, and marry a nice house in the suburbs! But tonight, he's having the girls-gone-wildest bachelor party of all time! (WHOOPING) Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela.

Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

Captain's journal: Stardate, uh-- April 13. April 13, point two.

You'll have to kill me for it! (EXCLAIMING) Just stop, you two! I've had that reed for 20 years! It's irreplaceable! (GRUNTS) I want my dollar! Sean?

Oh, joy! Amy, isn't it wonderful? I'm pregnant! Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise.

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink! It's the only gum with the breath- freshening power of ham. And it pinkens your teeth while you chew. All right, Sergeant, $100 worth of Pixy Stix and porno mags with your five percent military discount comes to $95.

Put her there, pal. I meant your wallet.

For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new.

Uuh! Stee-rike one! Strike one! A personal best. Uuh! Stee-rike two! Remember, fans, this exciting moment is brought to you...

Mr. Fry, it's those three plumbers you called for. We're here to tighten your drains. Ow! I didn't order any--

Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here! Over here!

See you soon. ALL: Ew! Zoidberg, what is that? That is the delightful creature I've been video dating for the past four years. Hit it with a stick! Tonight is a dream come true,

Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me.

Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive!

Boy, I've never seen him so down... or ever before. How does a nobody like me get famous? I know! Hey, look! I'm stuck, but I haven't given up hope. Call a soft-news journalist. You're not stuck. Shut up.

No reason. No reason at all.

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

I'll protect you.

It was so scary that you wouldn't-- I know, but listen. It gets even scarier. Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

'Scuse me. I got to go change a lightbulb. Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee!

If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever.

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta!

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) (VIDEO GAME BLEEPING) Good news, multiplayers.

There's no bus to jersey City. Give me your wallets now, or my robot'll shoot! Don't make me hurt you. I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years. It keeps the heads alive, but we don't know how.

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey. Hmm...

say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so." Sacred boar of Western and Eastern Samoa, we got to secure for Santa's arrival.

Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead? Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

(SCREAMING) (BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me.

Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? And clean the black parts too. Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not.

those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them. So, do we have the contract?

Nothing. I'm not nothing.

from pushing you into the cryogenic tube. That is interesting. Why? It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past!

Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap. Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set.

Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition. But not too cheap. I'll take the cash, and you can have the credit. I don't want the credit! Genetic engineering is wrong! Oh, really? Tell that to your old friend, the giant. (SCREAMS) Where is he? Oh, God, he's invisible now!

Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket!

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

You know, for Halloween, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult. You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

There. Pretty long, eh?

Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hover car? Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous.

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8!

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested. We should be safe,

I still got it!

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die! How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts.

My ice cream Manwich!

I'll fetch my hand tools. Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine? Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. That's sweet, Hermes. Maybe I should get an extendo-arm.

Now fetch me some working-class cognac from our brandy storeroom that you know how to find. Uh... (SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING)

Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't.

There but for the grace of God.

It turns out it's man.

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon.

No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back. Remarkable!

The loser is doomed to scrub.

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things?

I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass.

What are you talking about?

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

Hello? Anybody home?

It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round?

I-i mean, five. Repeat: four. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. I kid, I kid. Scalpel.

Well, that was pointless. Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me... to ask how you got that stylish head wound. Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain. Of course. I had the same idea.

followed by rolling of the third type. Say what? My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the... Uh, what do you call it? Lower back. Yeah, that whole region.

Well, he'd better keep his hands off these bananas. Gonna need them when the radiation turns us all into monkeys.

Yes. I'm afraid your friend's derriere is lost forever in the depths of the Sargaseous Sea.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

(MONKEYS GIBBERING) Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back!

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste.

(LAUGHS) Looks like you may be out of a job, Zoidberg. (MOCK LAUGHING) That's all good fun, but of course a clamp is no substitute for the precision of a genuine... Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf!

Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

I can't believe you're gone.

Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look?

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor. Oh, right. I'll have a croque monsieur, the paella, two mutton pills and a stein of mead. I'll just have a small injection of Fem-a-slim.

You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat. And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside.

Married? Jennie can't get married!

And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now! (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING)

has really made something of herself. I'll never forget the night that cute little alien baby was abandoned on our doorstep. Because I have a photographic memory, and I remember every night.

(SNORING) And that's how I got this scar above my eye. And this fork inside my lung. That's a doozy. Hey, look at this. I can pull my thumb off. Stop, Shabba-doo, you're freaking me out. Don't let him get your nose. (ALL LAUGHING)

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge.

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger!

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show. So many cardboard sets. So many memories. If only the others-- I guess that's my cue.

So that's how it is, huh? I thought you were my friend. But if you love your dog so much, maybe you'd rather play fetch!

And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified. It's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit.

Yes! We were meant... to be.

We're delivering the Daily Supernova. So your delivery company is just a cute, harmless paper route. Whew. No! It's a serious business. Yes, it's a tremendous responsibility all right. What if a paper were to land in a puddle?

Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post.

All robots have such a slot, placed there by the Creatrix herself. I know that Creatrix. That's Mom, from Mom's Friendly Robots. Indeed. She made us upgradeable in case she ever succeeded in her quest to create a free will unit. Uh, about the success of this quest...

Well, is that your universe in there? Nope. Too cold. Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless!

Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children. Um, a little help, please.

I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?! Face it. I'm a prize catch. I mean, I'm pulling down delivery-boy money.

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous.

What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand!

Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

(LINDA READING) As the Iowa caucus approaches, the state's hippest citizens turned out for an old-fashioned flash mob. MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram.

We'll meet again Don't know where

Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry. He and I are...

What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes!

Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses.

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

Whoa-oa-oa! A blank wall! Fame is mine!

Ahh! Not all the beer. (CHEERING DRUNKENLY) Fahrvergnugen! Kaiser Permanente! Fruzen Gladje!

Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry.

I am the Grand Midwife! Hi. I am Kif of the Clan Kroker, come to bear my young. Then let the tea of new life be brewed, as it is writ, and both shall lift the jug together.

Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry.

Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

Keep trying. Eureka! The hat goes on the head. It's all so obvious now.

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

- I want you to wake up. - Wake up? But I'm not--

The name's Bender.

This calls for a drink. I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

Aaah! Aaah! Pitiful ballplayers of Earth.

(SCREAMS) Mars is being blasted out of its orbit. Fry, you noble idiot. (SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun.

for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction.

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea.

What have you been doing? I've been sitting right here.

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin! The big brain is defeated. Let what must be done be done.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming. Welcome, swingers. Pull up a groove and get fabulous.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did, so I created him with a tragic weakness, artistic integrity. Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second?

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Hang on. If we're delivering a package to criminals, I want to know what's in it. I have no idea, Leela. But I'll tell you the same thing they told me, "Stop asking questions, old man, "and we'll slip you an extra five grand "that your crew doesn't need to know about." (GRUNTING) Now, listen carefully.

But when I do, I enjoy it. Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

All you need is a 4-D intake manifold.

How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys.

I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying.

Leela? Amy? Amy!

People, it's Valentine's Day next week,

Trust me. You can't change men... any more than you can change the laws of time and space. That is so true. I may not be able to change the laws of time and space, but I know something that can.

Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan.

and our home world was nearing total destruction. (CATS MEOWING IN AGONY) MAN: Shut up! (WINDOW SLAMS SHUT) But the technology to save our planet was lost. Lost, that is, until I heard you speak at Mars University.

Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld.

Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

You can't tongue the father of our country! Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era. (BELL RINGING) (COW MOOS) Rush hour.

Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

Bucket of hot dogs. Check.

Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me.

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

(LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation. It being the celebration of your planet's millennium, we soon became somewhat inebriated. (BURPS) (SLURRING) No, you're drunk. Hey, you remember where we parked? No, you?

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning?

Then let the video games begin! Wait. Hang on. I lost my controller. (SCOFFS) There is no controller. The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera. Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (EXCLAIMS)

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat!

He's even more beautiful than before!

Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77!

Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.

Hmm, he seems pretty angry.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil.

Also, some kind of sportsmanship award I had in my glove compartment.

Leela, it's time you and I had a talk. A talk? You can't break up with me. You're my pet! As much as I enjoy being the object of your misplaced affections, I am also a highly sophisticated being who longs for intelligent conversation. Aw! Is shnookums not feeling shtimuwated?

"Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp. Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot!

Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

It's clever. Nevertheless, I demand you return my fox. Sorry, mutton-chump. No fox, no hunt. Oh, really? Let the hunt begin!

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory!

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories.

Let's go! Let's go! We've got to get these moon rocks to the moon by moondown.

It does sort of class-up the place. MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed?

Messages erased.

Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Hey, Bender. Bust it Yeah, yeah, y-y-yeah yeah, yeah MMm!

A little land mammal! Can you believe it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back! I Wo--

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow! Stupid bird, I know where you live!

I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms! That's because my bazooms don't put anyone's life in danger! (EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine.

Psst. Leela, wanna join the mile-deep club? Sure, why not? (GASPS) No time! I've found a clue that could unlock all the secrets of history.

Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips. Oh, that won't be a problem.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

I still want you, Lrrr, and I'm willing to fight for you. All I got left is a colander and a pie pan.

We were interstellar fugitives on the run from the law.

I'd love to stay here and Denny's-fight you, but they just told me the shuttle's fixed. What? We better leave before they charge us for another day. Grab some complimentary snacks and let's go! (BOTH PANTING) I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter. Want to watch?

But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado. Oh! I'll never pass inspection now.

Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Wow. The Zapp Brannigan?

Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face!

It was hand-rolled by Queen Elizabeth... during her "wild" years... and was buried with George Burns, until grave-robbing space mushrooms-- well, you know the rest. Give you 300 bucks for it. No can do. Oh, all right. I'll just take these $300 burglar's tools then.

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake.

Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain. It all began one fateful night a thousand years ago. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion.

Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet. I'm okay, then. Storm dying down. Leo, check if buggalo herd is okay.

Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things? Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah!

Those are weeds, jackass!

So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes. Okay, Bender we're here. It's time to get to work.

- Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy?

Wait, I can explain... Shut up!

I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial? Oh, my, no. For this highly Controversial mission,

And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor. Jiggers! I dropped my sexton in the stew. (HORN BLARING) Been up north (ALL GRUNT) Been down south (ALL GRUNT) Got a real weak back

(CLICKS TONGUE) Yay! I'm unbuckled! (CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Oh, lord. Now what? I couldn't tell her the truth.

Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. (ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science! If there can be an X-axis and a Y-axis, why not a Z-axis? He's opening our minds to new ideas! Kill him! (CLAMORING)

I'm off to the railroad to become a folk singer. (UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) (SCATTING)

Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

(BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

Straight to hell! So I ask you who will stand up and be saved?

(CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit. (COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it? Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend.

Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale. What? Listen, you little bastard I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me. How much do you want? You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me.

Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a T-shirt.

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

That's right. I'm a polygamist. Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy.

Come on, Calculon, you can't just quit acting. I was never an actor. I was a self-deluded blowhard full of hot air. Maybe I can get a job as a hair dryer. That's good, steady work. No! We like you and your big words. And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it!

Then later we just retrieve it at our convenience. Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds. How can Zoidberg walk out with that much weight? And he may be invisible, but he's not insmellable. He stinks like the inside of a Tauntaun. Won't someone notice the stench?

As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now. No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off. Let's take a look-see. My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING)

Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms. I'm dying. (WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me.

Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment. That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves.

(GASPS) What's with the 17 dung beetles? Ugh! (CHUCKLES) Well, it's 6:00. I guess we'll have to deliver that human heart tomorrow. - Good work, people. - Woo-hoo! Time to go clubbing! Baby seals, here I come.

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts... 0-1-0-1-1-0-0-1-0-1. What does it mean? It's just gibberish.

Winners don't use drugs

Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy? No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go.

Uh. How you get frozen? I don't know. I think I whanged my head pretty bad. Uh, look normal to me. The last thing I remember is losing all my memories. Who am I, one of you? Me think so. Anyone dumb enough get stuck in ice probably Neanderthal.

We put up that mirror 'cause this is a blind intersection. It's considerably reduced the number of accidents. It don't do nothing for the murder rate, though. Now get down on your knees so we can blow your Crud brains out! (GUN COCKING) (BOTH SCREAM) Um, Leela, remember when we were trying to guess what would happen if someone stuck a gun in my face,

Remember me! I will. I will. Please, just leave me alone.

There, I turned a regular board into a diving board. Impending news, everyone. We're about to learn the winner of the bet. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. (WHISPERS) I hope it's me.

Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion. Zoidberg said some dumb stuff but he's a nice guy, really. It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet?

You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary.

if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface.

"We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky." And... cut!

In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago. And authorities are now calling his disappearance a homicide. We can't ever tell anyone what really happened.

Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it.

I must now embark on a perilous journey...

It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent. We were in science class... and we had just finished building a miniature black hole. That was easy. Pretty scrawny black hole. It must be hungry. Tuh. Black holes don't need food.

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place

Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal. Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door! Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble. Hey, thanks, buddy!

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah!

Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez.

Bender, come join us. We're watching Rear Window.

Happy birthday!

Get your pipin' hot horseburgers,

(SCREAMS) Something's wrong! Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings! (YELLING) It's not responding! Command Center, override! Override!

Ah! The royal bottle is empty! You drank our emperor!

Go ahead. I won't stop you. Threaten all you-- Wait. What? We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Ugh.

That proves it! Fry is alive somewhere, - and he's reaching me in my dreams! - Bull pies! Lay down here and we'll do some tests. If Fry is out there somewhere,

The age-restoring microbes are ready. Everyone into the bacterial spew chamber.

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park.

This thing is 40% chromium!

This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Quick, let's duck in here.

(IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING) "Seriously, though, have you lost weight?" Yes. "Looks like you found it again." Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend.

(FEEDBACK SCREECHES) (WHOOPS) Gather 'round, yokel wannabes! This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted! Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new club record, I'll eat my hat. (BELL CLANGS) (BUZZER) 0.4 seconds! A new club record for shortest ride.

How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat. Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in! My dream was real! He's alive! Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us? It's getting late.

Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their... Is he objecting or backing up? Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct.

Come on, baby, let's do it! Shake your booty, baby. Come on! Yeah! (GRUNTING) This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't...

Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear.

Ow! My small intestine!

What is this? The Year of the jerk? Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God.

Are you kidding? I need more lipstick! Much more! Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on. No, they don't! No way! Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp. No wonder you girls aren't married.

The Maltese Liquor, the strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed! And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!"

Does anyone else find this delivery suspicious? Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care. Well, I'm smart and I care too much. I want to know what's in that crate. But we're not allowed to open it!

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.

What? Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects, not aliens who look like objects. So my efforts to establish diplomatic relations with the Cactus People were doomed from the start.

(ALL SCREAMING) It wasn't supposed to do any of those things.

none has a more thrilling life cycle than the intrepid salmon.

Draining male oil! Eww! Infusing female oil! Removing item.

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next?

When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

(SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up!

And non-union action! I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky!

And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch...

God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING) Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS)

Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in. We kept it gray. Sir, please. I must locate the disk with my friend's brain on it.

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded.

So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important.

Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere.

This is an emergency.

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems...

It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance.

You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper. You can get off me anytime.

This calls for a drink.

Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? I don't know, but we can't wait any longer. Good-bye, Bender.

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING) Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so.

I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository. How are you doing there, Fry?

It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things,

And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher.

that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right.

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother.

Whoa. Big Bender starts right now.

Help us, wooden Bender! Those guys hate fire! I gotta do somethin'.

But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

Could you guys please stop talking about my personal life? Yes. Let's all talk about Leela's personal life later.

Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender.

My God! Look! (ALL GASP) My God! I'm looking!

Ow! Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age. Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings.

(ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS) (FIRING STOPS) Look, let's just agree that gang violence is an important issue with no easy answers.

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop.

No! Look, one eye. Count them: One. Not human.

I had no idea the company would be sold! I was just an innocent suck-up! You've got to believe me! just leave us alone, and let us clear out our lockers. Yeah! It's so sad. Where will I go? What will I do?

Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are!

drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.

Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really.

(GASPS) You ate my lunch again, you tainted oyster! That's a lie! I brought my own lunch today.

I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator. I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted! I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face! (GASPS) It's another soda baby! (ALL GASPING)

Well, for the next week, we'll be doing hundreds of trust falls from every possible height and level of gravity.

Ow! Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together. Didn't I, Leela?

These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their...

The tracks lead here. Thanks, eagle eye. Now it's daylight. So, he should be in robot form...

Ah! That's so sweet.

They plan to collect all the information in the universe... and store it within the sphere. - So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure...

Bender. You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still. It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing. Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher...

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink.

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun.

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it.

Amazing grace How... Whoa! Gross. Million-follower gross. Fry, delete that. Delete that right now! What? Oh. Okay.

Oh, no, you don't, Mr. Big Jerk! I have nothing to live for, so I don't mind telling you, those pennies are mine. Don't you get it? I'm crazy! (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Go ahead! I don't care what happens anymore. Do it. Bash my head in.

Fire direct marketing algorithm! Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee?

Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too. Eight bucks. You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

backwards into the waiting arms of my new assistant. Just stand here like so. Good. I'll fall backwards, and you catch me. I trust you... (SNARLING) (ALL SCREAMING) (BELCHES)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops. Whoa, whoa! You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor.

You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants. "The British attack has begun.

Don't come back! Well, let's get looting!

Sounds about right. FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck!

Put on the hat, Guenter. You're the only one who can save us. Stupid monkey. No! Not there. Keep trying.

You hold on to it. I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding. Liftoff! I'll roger that.

Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

I say. What's that in your crown? You mean the Andamooka Opal? That's the most precious gem in all the... Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb. Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown.

Today is Stroganoff Thursday. We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it.

- Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this. Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers! It's true, thanks to this funky fresh cream. Now me and Leela are forming an awesome crime fighting duo. Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good.

Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all.

All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen.

And here's another scab what also works here. Angleene. Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing?

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control. There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago.

Okay. No. Wait. Me? Lil' ol' Bender? In a dance contest? It's a way for the community to... At last, a chance to realize my brand-new dream of being the greatest tap dancer in all the world.

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games,

Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei. Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day, another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

Problem solved. Oh. That's a little bright.

When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder!

Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes. With ironic pleasure. Let's go, trespassers. Hey! What? Hey! Those are my clamps! Take it eas'! Hey, what are you doing? Well, we lost the casino, but thanks to Amy's kindness,

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for.

Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals.

Oh. Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber.

Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs. Are you?

(ALL GASP) Aw... (LAUGHS) Hang on... Okay, let's fight.

Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins! Freeze, bagwad. You're under arrest for attempted epidermicide. I'm coming for you, man. Ain't no jail can hold me. That's why you're going straight to the electromagnetic chair.

Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. What's wrong with me? This is the worst part of the job. What is it? Good news? Bender, your hydraulics are shot.

Billy Crystal! Now I know how a Pez dispenser feels. You like that one, jack? All right. We're already one hour behind.

Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case.

the hypno-toad.

I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like.

And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise.

Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor. Wha-- Oh, right.

Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum. Wornstrum! Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, I have placed in orbit a giant mirror...

Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81.

I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing.

The future is disgusting.

a demented, knife-wielding, escaped-lunatic Libertarian zombie mutant snuck up and--

Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

With cash like this, who's going to argue? Nobody, that's who.

There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process.

(BELCHES) As you can see by my jeans and hoodie,

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing.

He's a witch! Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently?

This place never changes. Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants!

It's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit. That's like digging up Lassie and putting her on display in the Louvre. - Lassie is on display in the Louvre. - I know. I was deliberately describing a similar situation.

hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there. It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe?

That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid. Fry, I just want to try dating a normal man,

Like destruct sequence 1-A, 2-B, 3-- Thanks a lot, Takei! Now everybody knows!

Next! Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down? No, I... But I... Terrible shame, that.

It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie.

Hello. I am Victor. And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first.

Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute.

Uhh! Aah! Uhh! You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry?

What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

Don't worry about it. Do the robot, baby!

Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, I have placed in orbit a giant mirror... that will reflect 40 percent of the sun's rays, thus cooling Earth. Observe.

Zoidberg? Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, damn it!

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors... and casting people who might be looking for someone to play a preacher,

What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function.

I've discovered a new means of time travel. I'll call it the Farnsworth Effect! Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him!

Edna! Ew! My God!

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah.

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea.

Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me. Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

Thanks a billion.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

Odor at magnitude eight. Magnitude 12. Magnitude 31.

my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up! You're all I have left, Squeakers.

This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is...

I find your skintight high-waters incredibly sexy. Let's get together sometime. Sure. I'm listed in the phone book, so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why.

There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?!

Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

What are we supposed to do, just sit here and wait for Mr. Peppy to be killed? Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko.

Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief. I'll show you what I got in stock. I remember this from when we were kids. The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat.

And the winner is number four, Steven!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Shh!

It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre. Hey, yeah. You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us? Then you are our sworn enemies. You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him.

The Cybernetic Oracle. The ultimate man-machine hybrid. Programmed with every crime ever recorded, and implanted with the brain cells of history's greatest detectives. We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls.

You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

Why are you trying to talk to me? I have no idea. You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay.

Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man.

(WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby! Do the back dance, do the back dance. (GROANING) FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone.

(GRUNTS) There. Finished. Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists.

Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere. How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"?

And I saw it lactating earlier. Wait, who said that? (GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship. Ew! I'm Turanga Leela, captain of the current Planet Express ship. What's going on? It's very simple. Well, actually it's very complicated.

Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back! Uh-oh. There seems to be an electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula. A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical.

Does anyone else think it's odd that a shiftless, 25-year-old delivery boy could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor and be rewarded instead of punished? You don't have to beat around the bush, Leela. We all know who you're talking about. Me, right? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about.

My Manwich! Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive.

he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute. In the English countryside, many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds.

I blame today's violent media.

All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue. Oh, Bender! When did you come in? Hold still.

Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit!

The celebrated robot actor killed himself onstage in a failed attempt to make a death scene more convincing. Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham. What brings you two here today? We came to honor Calculon's memory. Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible.

"These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal.

Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible.

Hey, wait a second! I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus without killing me! Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone. We just have to find the Nerd Search '88 satellite. (GROANS) I don't know why I even build these things.

To find out, we'd have to recreate the conditions before the big bang. It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money! Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it.

No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken!

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa!

I didn't run off. I had plenty of time to finish eating and stroll away while you were kissing Amy. Oh, look, I'm not actually interested in her if that's what's bothering you. Oh, are you sure? I mean, she has two eyes. You have two eyes. I know-- we seem like a perfect match but I just don't feel that way about her.

Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas!

I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done.

Will you be my friend? Ow!

Maybe you should give them the clamps, Clamps. Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS)

Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother?

Welcome back to the Clippie Awards, honoring the year's most accomplished delivery boys. Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle.

This city's been garbage-free for 500 years. Well, then it's time to make some more. Make garbage? But how? Stand back and watch the master. This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage.

At last... war has made me into a man. Whee! Please, gentlemen we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks. We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety. Enough of this crap!

(BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving. (BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man Who was stinkin'

Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skintight pants. This is crazy, Bender.

(DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end.

Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed. Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine.

A land I didn't make up

Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha--

The rest of us will watch everything on this monitor. Will I have pants on in this dream? Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up.

May I read the toast I was going to make?

Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me.

Isn't it obvious? You are.

With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out.

I mean, how many planets can there be?

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

Well, I must admit it's not bad. And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine. Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back. (SNORING)

Me? Well, I'm gonna stay up all night... singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor.

No! This is one death Dr. Zoidberg won't be responsible for. Zoidberg away!

(SCREAMS) Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found! (ALL GASP) DR. ZOIDBERG: A huge pyramid under New New York? What badger could've built this? And look at this intricately carved disk.

All right, you gas. What's the deal?

I was enjoying it until you guys showed up.

A storm is gathering.

Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned Unless, Fry you surrender my hands Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea!

Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you. Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

My primary duties? Well, I assist the Professor in whatever important research he happens to be engaged in. (SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away. (SNORING)

Go get 'em, boys! And in the world of ultimate robot fighting, the Masked Unit wins his championship bout against Gorgeous Gonks by technical melting. Go, Masked Unit! Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off?

Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time. I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Hey, hey, give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting.

Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite! Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah.

What's wrong? Nothing. It's just... No, Leela. I don't want to see tears in your perfect eye. Please. Is it about the fate of our people? Because I'm very interested in that. Well, okay but it's chilly and you're going to be all wet from the tears. Let's go into my chamber.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days.

Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Tonight at 11:00... (SHOUTING) Doom!

He's single. I don't care if that operation will only delay the tentacles. Somehow, we got to find a way to pay for it. Oh, it's no use. There's absolutely no way we can afford to... Wait! We'll sell old Bessie!

I got it! I got it! I don't got it! You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all... is the Zookeeper. You can get off me anytime. Oh, no!

You suck! Get a job!

(NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Pharaoh, my god king You are cold and deceased Are you still half insane P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger!

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes.

Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it!

I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

Yes. We three idiots will finally have our revenge! I don't think so. You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot. There's always going to be someone smarter than you,

I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

- Dear Lord-- - Oh, next!

It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would. (STAMMERING) But most people think I smell like a burning zoo! I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you.

Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals.

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there. Well, it wasn't a bad life.

Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you.

But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir! Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right.

That was a... practice miracle. Who's next?

You shaggy peaceniks have some nerve. I'm just here for what's mine. Don't make me kick your neck. Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two.

who drank Ungo the Moist who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and... insanity... uh, integrity.

Hey, that's a good idea. Sure. If it'll win me the election, then yes. We have a saying up in Alaska. That's all. Senator Travers? Look, let's be honest here. No one likes taxes, but they pay for our basic needs. Roads, schools, defense.

Kif! jump! My hero. Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there! Nah-uh! What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both.

Sacred hog of Prague! That was my anniversary gift to La Barbra. Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

Then there's nothing left to do! Nothing! (SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

Wish I had Bender back. Huh?

Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies. Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No!

of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers.

Nibbler! Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right!

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil!

I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole my wallet.

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work.

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first.

Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders. (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer.

Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks. Well, well, well.

I tell ya, that Butch runs a pretty good civilization. I think I'll enjoy serving under him. Uh! You know your problem, Fry?

Ever had a cat rub up against you? If you're propositioning me, I'm not interested. I'm talking about the charge generated when 50,000 felines rub against a single surface. Professor? (WHIRRING)

Ah, here's my stateroom.

You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead! I'm expressing my sorrow. Get lost! I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too!

Now, this guy had taste.

Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question.

If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What? I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl.

Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours.

Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway?

Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

Does anyone else find this delivery suspicious? Nope. He's too dumb and I don't care. Well, I'm smart and I care too much.

Better mascots than you have tried.

Yeah, you'd better run.

Welcome to Police Academy. Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human. Yeah. On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets.

You actually did it! And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny! And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day.

And the winner is... Bender! Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life!

Something's wrong. It's way too quiet. Like the deadly Prius. FARNSWORTH: Ah, here they come.

But remember who the star is-- me, Bender.

Cruel? Was it cruel when humans caged other primates in zoos for centuries? Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you.

I only learned enough to yell at my nanny. Let's see. (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) I think it means, "The sun will erupt, "all shall perish," blah-blah-blah. Get to the point! What does it say about me, Bender?

A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!

That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down. One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one--

Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask?

Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day.

What'll you folks have today? I'll have the soylent green... with a slice of soylent orange and some soylent coleslaw. Pardon? It's the 20th century, Professor.

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me.

Bender, a robot sex change is a complex and dangerous procedure. Replacing your testosteroil with fembot lubricants can cause wild mood swings. And the effects may be irreversible. Well, let's get started. No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women--

Norm and Sam and Sadie's boy? Remember? Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter. "I beg of you, Mr. Funny Uncle. Teach me the comedy business. Sincerely, Zoidberg." Oh, isn't that nice he took the time?

The Grand Cigar, she is mine. And with absolutely no consequences.

I've invented a device which allows you to operate equipment from great distances. I call it "The Thing Longer".

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

Oh, yeah. The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony. Your Honor, the prosecution rests. The evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong However, in light of his years of service and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo!

Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish? That's what rich people eat-- the garbage parts of the food.

Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood. Damn it, Bender, if you can't move sandalwood you don't belong in this league! That's why you're going to lose next week's title match. But the crowd loves me. Perhaps, but let's see how they feel about your new persona-- The Gender Bender.

Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth 'cause your taste buds are going on vacation. I made you each your own special meal so dig in!

Sorry, but we're totally sealed in. Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes. Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender.

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records!

So, you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams? Of course. But how is that possible? It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg.

(BOTH LAUGHING) It's both disgusting and inspiring, like Jared from Subway. Okay, I'm a freak with a singing butt boil, but I'm still a human being, more or less. Singing butts boil? That's yesterdays's news.

Hand me that backup disk.

Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma. Now, to figure out how much money I'm rakin' in off those twerps. Ow! I need a calculator.

And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining!

Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender! A surprise funeral for me? We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered.

Chief justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me. Hmm.

Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity.

but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man. Let's mutiny.

Maybe it's because we're so versatile "Style, profile," I said It always brings me back when I hear, "Ooh, child" From the Hudson River... Impressive. They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate. I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint. Will you guys shut up? I'm trying to look cool.

Hello? Dad? (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) (ENGINES REVVING)

Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series.

I'm still not following you.

Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point.

Let's commence preparations for rumbling!

(CAMERAS CLICKING) (ALL GASP)

Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention!

Oh, my God! What in Babylon?

Total immunity for the one who turns in the other, plus a double reward of $2 million.

living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.

(CHUCKLES MOCKINGLY) (BOTH SCREAM) (BOTH SCREAMING) Ow! Paper cut!

Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew?

Come in. Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks.

I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss.

I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages. Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down.

Tell me more about that bizarre landy world you come from. Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't.

johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler!

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Boy, this heater is incredible. I'd better turn up the A/C some more. Hey, how about some icy margaritas? Yeah. We're slowing down.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out.

Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates. Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn't you, sir? She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right.

Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk. No, it's Langdon Cobb versus Calculon. If we help Calculon win, it will weaken Cobb's ego, maybe? Yes, yes, fine. (WHINING) We never go where I want to go. So, the most galling of the paparazzi needs my help.

Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date. Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell.

Not to the layman, no.

Want to play Marco Polo? Sure!

From those humble beginnings,

A rat! Yes, she is a rat.

(EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

(MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things (ALL CHEERING)

Help, Satan! You owe me! Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances.

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end.

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

So, what is Freedom Day? It sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product. No, it's a fabulous, crabulous day. If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day.

but they pay for our basic needs. Roads, schools, defense. If we hope to realize our aspirations as a great planet, we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals. (ALL BOOING)

Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away! Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

Keep it up, sistren. Only a few more miles to the cave. Let's just buckle down and... Look! A clearance sale!

Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.

Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly. just take this disk over to the pool hall and give it to Sammy "The Mechanical Bull" Gravano and watch out for the cops. That's just what my mom used to tell me.

Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, thank God you're all right and won us a free steak dinner. Why didn't you let go? My hand is stuck! There must be glue on the saddle! (STRAINING) Relax. Let maybe a doctor take a look.

And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away. The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude. Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin.

By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left! The Earth is born!

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine,

Oh... I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the Moon and dream about being an astronaut.

Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool.

They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday. Then we choose the cuddly-uddliest ones... and stuff them full of fire-retardant love fluff.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender.

Oh, good. I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish. Shmeez, what's with the shmiffling? It's nothing. Just a common cold. DR. ZOIDBERG: What? BENDER: Common, huh? What the hell's "a common cold"? Is it valuable?

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

latest fiscal year. Planet Express is on the move! For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday. You heard me.

Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated.

Avast, mateys! Electronically transfer your space doubloons... afore I send thee to Davy jarg's Locker.

It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done.

They're clamps, you (BLEEP)!

We made it! And some of the animals survived.

Don't stop now.

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me!

WOMAN: Gunderson! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault?

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people.

Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains.

Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron. It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right? Shut up, Zoidberg. Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort. And with no stone monument,

The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers. Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?

Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain!

It's always so hard to choose. Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh.

Before we deliver these hearts, I'm gonna find the one... that sums up my feelings for you. "I love you." Mm. Too conventional. "You're my man." Ooh! So close. I'm not impressed by a guy's message, Fry. I'm impressed by the guy... or not.

You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby! Oh, no. - How Tonk look? - Tonk look good.

Papers! Papers for sale!

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second.

After three years in the stream, the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean. I do look forward to cavorting in the spray. The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19.

Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me! We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened?

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer.

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you?

Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support. Okay, okay, he's back on-line.

you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg. Eee! Money doesn't make good people. No, sirree.

Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting!

Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet! Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already.

Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking. Licking in progress. Licking complete.

Let's try for a twofer.

A veritable pageant of evolutionary science.

She's not a hologram. Not a robo-slave. We give up. (GIGGLES) You guys are weird. I have to go open my flower stand before the falafel guy takes my spot, but it was great to meet you. See you later, crab cakes.

Our party is complete. What are we going to do? Fry can't pretend to be both our boyfriends. Sure, I can. I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company.

She's nuts! In a few moments, the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together... into a beautiful, eternal quantum singularity. You don't need to kill us, Planet Express Ship. Because... I love you. Aw, yeah, baby. Feel like doin' stuff for you and stuff.

You might as well put that checkbook away because I've discovered something even more important-- my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza...

Oh, yeah. You filthy hobos sure know how to live. Hey, chief someone's stealing your handkerchief full of crap. Hmm? Ah.

Oh! Aah! Ohh! Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe! This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units.

(MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!

Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade!

Oh, my. Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty?

Never! A deal's a deal Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa! Leela has promised me her hand

But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe. Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take. Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut.

Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

(FRUSTRATED CRY) Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny.

3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057.

(GROANING LOUDLY)

Does not compute. Does not compute.

No! Honk! Honk! Bender, wake up.

Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them. Oh. Aw, that's terrible, Leela.

Tonight, on Date Night: Popplers-- eating them. Is it all right to? We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr.

Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner.

Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry.

People say my broken friend is useless But I say his mind is free There's lots of things my mangled robot friend could be

Pretty long, eh?

(MAKING SILLY SOUNDS)

The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap. I'm sure you have many questions. Come, there is a chamber where I used to speak with Pope John the Patient.

Hooray! Hooray denied!

Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend...

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay. - Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer!

Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

This all must have something to do with the secret ingredient. My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola.

Move it, you ugly normals! Whoa! Huh?

Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes.

your punishment! Uh, Leela? I'm through making fun of women. Now I want them to help me. Should we do something? There's no hurry. Yes. A little tighter.

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof?

I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. We don't sell those. All right, all right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites. Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed.

No! I won't go back! I won't...

Freeloading off you? I agree. No. I-- Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

My body rejected your liver, and now I've got Garfield Syndrome. Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae.

What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why? I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for... Well, you remember, don't you, Nibbler? Well, I... (CLEARS THROAT) It was just over a thousand Earth-years ago. As Lord Nibbler's personal chauffeur,

This stinks! Madam is outraged!

You got knocked up by a police officer while he was looking for your kidnapped child? Sure did! I still got it. So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy. Should we call child services?

Sweet gorilla of Manila!

- Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom.

KATZ: Good show.

Okay. I like a challenge. Um, no. No. Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants.

And so, when Captain Leela panicked-- perhaps distracted by female troubles-- my quick thinking allowed me to do whatever I did to save the day.

In the dense forests of the Pacific Northwest... dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't.

My Manwich! That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop!

The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again.

He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise.

Damn the expense!

That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

(LAUGHING) Please, Leela. Who ever heard of a plane with a woman President?

Not really. Would you like to see our giant karaoke machine? Not really.

All right, let's just rescue them and get out of here. Hooray, they're saved!

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

Listen to me, Leela. I'm an expert at not caring. The secret is to stop giving a rat's ass about anyone else and start thinking of the things that you want-- That you deserve-- That the world owes you.

I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but...

It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier. Everybody's talkin' at me I don't hear A word they're saying

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

Cornelia, my love, will you marry me? Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg.

a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere. How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"? Fortunately, our handsomest politicians... came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063,

Oww! Oww! Oww! And the winner is number four, Steven!

searching, questing, and shortly, it will rend my loins in twain, burst forth, and pull us down, down, down... into the deep, dark waters of commitment. That's so beautiful! Yes. It's-- It's--

When her previous mate, Sean, returned here with his current female, we quickly invited Leela back as a behavioral experiment, keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs. The human exhibit has never been so popular,

We all know who you're talking about. Me, right? Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about. These people seem really mild-mannered. They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now. You touched me in ways I've never been touched before.

What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here? Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food. Blackmail? What does she have on you?

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right.

No, I think it's self-explanatory. No! Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes,"

Hello there. Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist.

There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel.

With special guest, Bender, the Broken Robot!

Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender.

I think not. Give it up! All right! Take it. Sheesh.

I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor.

In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness!

No one ever goes walrus.

So, Amy, um-- Well, uh-- It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart.

Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific discovery. It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm.

Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying!

If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots. You're full of crap, Fry.

Aah! Ooh! Uh! Good luck, Bender!

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica

For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony. Come on! Eat! I slaved all day over a filthy stove. This is terrible! Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table.

you risked your life to save me. And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third time. But that would be it.

As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity.

Things used to be funny around here.

I just caught a fish this big. Quit exaggerating, Fry.

because I got a date! I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped.

(GRUNTING) (PANTING) (EXHALES) (ROARS) (SCREAMING) (YELLS)

I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it. Now can we get some privacy? (MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up.

Sir, we don't touch the antiques, sir. You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos-- I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral.

He's coming out of... Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10. Aw. You always say just the wrong thing in just the right way.

Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube.

Let the games begin!

No. I give you the twit-worm! Send.

Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you?

News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about?

Hey, Elzar, I quit! 'Kay!

But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice. (TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back.

- How Tonk look? - Tonk look good. Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat. Intruder! Stay away from the mighty Femputer. Guards!

Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too. But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow! When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

into this blessed pit so they can wrestle The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special is the oil in which the nasty fem-bots wrestle We shall now begin the traditional oil wrestling. Will the referee bring out the ceremonial cruse of petroleum oil?

We did it. Whoo!

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on!

(ALL WHIMPERING)

Holy shoot! Looky!

Whoo! Get a load of this average-looking guy. That's Adlai Atkins. I used to have kind of a crush on him. One Eye, One Eye! Stupid as a French guy! One Eye, One Eye, One Eye, One Eye--

So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh?

Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie.

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms.

Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day?

A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot.

Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard!

Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious.

Your eyes always were the most beautiful shade of milky white. And your skin still dangles so gracefully from your neck.

Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves.

a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What?

Scruffy's formulated a plan, but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish.

Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth. Let's go already. Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.

View halloo, view halloo. View halloo? All right. What does that mean? The fox has been sighted.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh?

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.

Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

Now, husband, don't you think you owe Zoidberg a thank-you for saving you from yourself? But I hate him. Honey, we all do. But fair is fair. Zoidberg, I... I know we have never been friends, but I appreciate what you did.

Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back! Back, you beasts! Follow me. The one who stinks, according to Fry's delicate nose.

So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry.

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

Oh, yes, she can. As a return guest, Leela will receive a 25% discount and a complimentary waterfall. (GASPS) This is exactly what we need! Plus, you get a return visitor discount. Hey, wait, you were there before? Um... Well... With someone else?

No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us! (RINGING)

One, two! one, two, three!

Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING) (GROWLING) (BARKING) (SNARLING)

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Ooh! Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications.

This beat bangs Here's my chance Come on, girl, let's go, I can't...

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

That's three dead. Let's pick up the pace, people. At this point in the actual war, the death toll was 98 million.

but then I found one out there among the stars, the beautiful, affordable stars. (GASPS) You mean, when you disappeared up on the comet... Exactly. I thought you snuck off to take a dump. A man can sneak off to do two things. Oh, Fry. In exactly 10 seconds,

Guenter! You're alive. I guess the hat must have broke my fall. It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it. No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence?

Does it really work? Of course it works. It's just not very long. Ooh, ooh, I want to axe it a question. As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So, I've always secretly wondered...

Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a

Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them.

This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

No, thank you. I said, do it!

Look, outdoor theater. Let's get tickets. Oh, let's do. No, it's the ceremony of Claw Plock where my species fight to the death over matters of honor.

I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint. Will you guys shut up? I'm trying to look cool. ...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going? Ow! Enjoying the show?

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go.

what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer!

Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe. And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so.

Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out.

Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

Oh. Are you my mommy? Negative. Ooh.

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible!

Bad news, friends. My shell ran. Zoidberg, you idiot! My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

Then it's settled. Elzar will teach me to cook.

Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me.

Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away! Oh, right there, right there, right there, right there. Oh, yeah!

just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in! I'd like everyone to meet our new employees. Uh... which ones are new?

Pardon me. I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl, but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception. Yeah, and you better get rid of whatever's causing it or we're out of this dump. Relax, Sonny. This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

Let the punishment commence! Punishment?

an A-minus-minus!

And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years? No wonder they made a run for it. (CHUCKLES) Whoo!

Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan.

I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna. Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.

Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass?

Am I going crazy? Have my years of wild hedonism finally caught up with me?

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon.

An unattractive prospect. While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed... be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy!

And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye?

Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here. Robot House. Hey, Dean. Nice looking model.

How do you living beings cope with mortality?

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you. But it's so round, so hideously round. Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What?

This ship should be able to sneak, undetected, through the sphere's one vulnerable opening. What vulnerable opening? All death spheres have one vulnerable opening.

After a while, you just sort of tune it out.

Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo? I'm gettin' the doorbell. For me?

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at. Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master? Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts.

an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips. You can count on us, Mr. Mayor! justice away! Hold the elevator!

Wait. What's that sound? Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid. He's one of my great idols. And you say you can guarantee me the Oscar? I can guarantee ya anything you want. Then I'll do it! Hooray! Here's your checkbook.

as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo!

That's birth for ya.

And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. It's just a game. Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you! I can't sleep at night! Although, as a robot, I don't do that anyway. But if I did, I couldn't because... I love you so! Oh, my darling.

(IN ROBERTO'S VOICE) Not so fast. (ALL GASPING) But faster than that! It's that insane robot, Roberto. Quick, Hermes, the keys.

Gender? Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order. Ows! I am not familiar with this concept of gender. My species has only a single gender, known as "neuchacho."

Uh-oh, jealousy. You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality.

Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors--

I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Would you like us to... put you out of your misery? Misery, what misery? I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard. Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph! Ooh!

Bite my colossal metal ass.

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows.

Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

And Earth is yours. So, sire, how may I please you? Go ahead. His bowels aren't gonna disem themselves. Can't we just go? Mm-mmm. Not until you blow something up. Aww, man.

You could still die. Nuh-uh! My wireless backup unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body. I'm immortal, baby. What? Then how come you always scream so much when you're in danger? I never said I wasn't a drama queen.

just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes.

I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was--

Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here.

Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram! Oh, man! I'm sick of this. Hey, Dad. What useless contraption are you half-baking today?

And I'm really happy I have that life back.

Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine. Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century! Not big enough.

Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past.

I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table?

Your loss is a tragedy, but our work--

What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded! (SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how? I didn't do it. Bender, did you learn a lesson about not being lazy while the rest of us were bombed out of our gourds?

Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business. My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly.

All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture. Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time.

Wait. What about a dimensional drift? If it went through the fourth dimension before, maybe here, it'll go through the third dimension! By God, you're right!

Pull up a monolith and make yourself cozy.

Look at this sissy, Kiff. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice.

No! Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

So this thing's going to destroy the whole city? What the heck is it? Ah, just as I thought. The answer lies in this movie I found on the Internet.

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Sneato. I have one of my mom. - Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be. And you used to wear a size three cape. But not anymore! Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood! What if we help you get your passion back without the hassle of mutilating me? Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains.

Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now? So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya!

It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this. You were an excellent student.

Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands.

A hero, indeed. What's your name, son? I don't know. Fry? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to associate myself with a true hero.

For 100 quatloos, who did the captain maroon on Ceti Alpha Five? Khan! Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise.

Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated.

Two fuzzy navels comin' up. I hope they can make change for a fortune. Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard... Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss. Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my fund and kicks-in' my back. I'm greasin' up my whoozits.

A real live spaceship. I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. Attention, job deserters! Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums.

That's where I'm meeting Uncle Zoid for lunch to discuss my Hollywood dreams. Next time you see me, don't be surprised if I've eaten.

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world.

Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken!

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun.

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk!

Asking questions in school Is a great way to learn if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches? (SNIFFING) Stop that! Stop that at once! Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me.

Good news, everyone. He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle.

John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy...

CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted!

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow.

Wrong. Being your assistant. Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm! I'm afraid he's gone. Whoa, Doc, I ain't dead. Excuse me. I believe I'm the doctor. Believe it all you want. That won't make it true.

Esther, you ugly. We have only one option. We'll have to bankrupt Mr. Fry so he'll be forced to sell the anchovies to us. Mother, you are one clever old scag.

I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry? People of Earth... Shh!

I just need to reset the Clone-O-Mat from human mode... to dog mode. The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

Vodka with a sardine in it, please.

Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer. Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible."

Work his gut. I like it tender. Maybe that planet over there has a drive-thru. A Burger jerk or a Fishy joe's or a Chiseler or something.

Leela, take my hand! I'm slipping! The one time your hands aren't sticky, they're greasy! Oh, sorry. Normally I would've wiped them on my pants, but... (SCREAMS) (THUD) (PANTING) Are you okay? I... Ow!

Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death! And that's if you're not allergic. You don't want to know what happens then. Oh, no, no. God, no.

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry... My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you.

We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

I'll need my personnel file, please.

This situation deteriorated fast.

It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul. This explains everything,

What's going on? Is this angry yelling or busted hearing-aid yelling? I'm afraid it's both. What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves.

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do. Yeah, I know. That's why I asked if what I did--

All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks? So, am I gonna get lucky tonight or what?

I'll go get some more bricks. Fry, I wish you'd throw out these week-old Popplers. They're getting big and scaly. Ooh, there's one left. Mama.

That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez. (ALL BOOING) Why are they booing me, Silicon? 'Cause your song was insincere, boy. Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about. Yes, sir.

Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick?

Are you the last copy of me?

The name's Bender.

(EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

What? Lord have mercy! Unless something is done quickly the trapped robots will be dead within 300 years. Sir, what rescue operations are planned? The plan is, basically, to pave over the area and get on with our lives.

Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all. They're going to destroy the entire Earth if they don't see some stupid TV show about some bimbo lawyer? It's crazy. How could they even know about a show from 1,000 years ago?

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right? Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop.

My God! I'm overcome with... feelings.

I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps! No, no. Line? No!

(CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

I hate that cat! If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing. I'll tell you one thing, nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed?

Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick. As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus.

DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing! You call for a chopper? No, I specifically said hovercopter! One chopper coming up. Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go.

Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt? No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly?

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word. Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

I can't believe somebody hired an interstellar spaceship to deliver a package to Atlantic City. What are we delivering, anyway? Uh... this. Where are we delivering it to? Uh... here. Another job well done.

What happened up there, Johnny? Don't make me remember. So horrible it was. (SHRIEKS)

(BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun. You see, Bender, it's simple. You're a ghost.

It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry.

Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later. Bye.

Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender.

Better cover your nads. It may get a little non-Newtonian in here.

No, no crazy technology. Here, Bender, use your immense robot strength to drill a hole the old-fashioned way. I don't see any irony in that. And voila! Everybody's ice fishing.

Do you have any gum? No.

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too. Perfect. This ought to make me stand out.

Futurama is brought to you by...

He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

Locker check. Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom. Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin.

Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer. Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon!

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little.

(CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound? It's Mr. Peppy. I'd know him anywhere. Huh. So apparently, Major MacZongo and Mr. Peppy were each doing about half the sheep-killing. (GROWLING)

And without me, there is no mission. I am the mission! We're back from the mission! What-What-- You went without me? You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us...

"Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag. Freedoms such as polygamy. I rest my case. Whoa! Geez.

What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue? Tent got your... Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform."

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot.

the New Justice Team! Captain Yesterday! Clobberella! And Super King, the best one of the three!

Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank.

Dumbest Pet in Show!

Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing. just leave me alone.

Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants. "The British attack has begun. "Cross the river and watch for my signal." I must ride. (HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh! A successor tO the professor? There's no time to lose.

He's come to finish the job!

before you all turn back into grown-ups. But I'm grounded for knocking the school over. Who cares, Leela? It was just a public school. Now, go with your friends, please. No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room! Until she sneaks out.

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir,

My ass! I'm sorry, buddy. Maybe we can get you a new one. Never! My ass is my soul mate.

You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes? Lee... when will I see you again? The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends.

No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from. We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

(CHUCKLING) How humorous.

Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine! Apparently, this brave Adonis,

Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

NARRATOR: Far beneath the everyday rumble of limousines and poodle feet, there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class. The noble sewer mutants.

All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do?

So that's where those skin flakes went.

Captain Leela is this rambling story of magic and heroism true? Well, actually...

The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new... Hail Atlanta! "The Magician"? Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids?

I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer...

Thanks to your husband's humanity,

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Hey, Calculon's dead. What happened? Did you save us, Leela? Actually, no. For once, it was Bender. Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender. It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends,

Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it! We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff. (DANCE MUSIC BLARING)

Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool!

So? What of it? Well, why is those things?

Please don't leave. Fry! Oh, I just knew you were still alive! I owe you ten bucks, Hermes. Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel.

Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

Say, you want to work for me as a hired goon? Are you kidding? I've always wanted to break into gooning. Hey, Elzar, I quit!

Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah! Aah!

One, two! one, two, three!

Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement. Neither did I... Oh. (GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa.

Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here! Ah!

Who are you talking to, sir? You. Aren't you getting this? We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean?

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl. Keep laughing, Funog. Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

We're probably gonna make it, but we might not! It's impossible! We'll never fit! Will too. Told you. Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

The space gorilla's just like us Although I breathe chlorine (CHEERING) Wow, I can't believe you imaginated all that stuff. Will you come back again and tell us more stories, and also adopt us all? Of course I'll tell you more stories.

Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago.

Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds! (YAWNS) Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired.

(GRUNTS) Fry, there's nothing to be jealous of. I've been sitting here paying my bills online. (BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar! You'll have to kill me for it! (EXCLAIMING)

Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6." There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man.

I'm sure you've all noticed the bizarre atmospheric conditions of late.

Pardon me. I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl, but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception. Yeah, and you better get rid of whatever's causing it or we're out of this dump. Relax, Sonny.

Now I'm all you got!

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed.

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

"Philip Fry, The Original Martian." It's all lies, every word of it. He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was.

So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray!

Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

I... d-- Oh, my God. What the...?

I'm workin' on my song. Hand me the Becktionary. No, no, the rhyming Becktionary.

Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise. Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'.

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending.

my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm. See you later, wuv-ums.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000. Yeah. Now, are you going to come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk? junk? Maybe you can't understand this but I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends-- it's things. I'm a thing.

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby!

(IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES)

You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads! So long.

Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him.

I first came online in Urbana, Illinois, in the year 1997. (SHIP HONKING) Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going! (BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit.

You idiot! Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space.

Request for explanation of incident meeting. Number one point zero. Number one point zero. I hereby petition you for an emergency sort-and-file under regulation two-point... Don't quote me regulations.

(LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow! I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there.

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities! Poor thing. We've got to help him. I thought we were in a hurry to escape, but whatever. It's okay, big guy. We won't let her hurt you anymore.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control.

I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I--

Hmm. All women. I'll put this one aside for later. Oh, mon, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

(BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

You go, Beachmaster! And so concludes our exploration of planet Earth. For a holographic brain injection of tonight's program, send $5 to this station, care of me, the narrator.

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again.

(ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry! Merry college registration day, everyone! (SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGHING) (SCREAMS)

We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party. I'm sorry, sir. This is a private-- Oh, pardon me. I see you're with Mr. Stallone.

Yes, sir, many of these entries merit a ride in the mighty bosom of our space shuttle.

He did it! He actually did it this time.

And I do have vague memories of people refusing to breed with me! (CAWING) A raven's brought word for you, sir. Guys, guys! My sausage made the finals at Oktoberfest! We gotta go back for the closing ceremony!

Incoming wounded. All personnel report to operating tent four. Repeat: four. I-i mean, five. Repeat: four.

That's not an astronaut.

What do you want? I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking.

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh!

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop.

The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood. Mmm. Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't--

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations.

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw!

Come on, everyone! Big party at Robot House! You know you make me wanna Shout Kick my heels up and Shout Throw my hands up and Shout Throw my head back and Shout Come on, now Don't forget to say you will

Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it.

It's time to take action.

I am Lord Loquat, your new neighbor. You're coming to live here? There goes the purple-hood. (SHATTERS) You're different, and I don't like you. Wait, it doesn't matter the color of your berries. After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow.

and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all. You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

What do you say, sewer plum? Want to give it another go? Well, I am still in my wedding dress. And we still have a cake. Uh... Half a cake. (BELCHES) Very well. Morris, Munda,

(MOSQUITOES WHINING)

(PANICKED CLAMORING)

Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna... I said make the decisions!

We'll have to call in the finest scientific minds in the univer-- Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man. An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe. You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie.

Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death. Now let us each remember the best things about Bender in our own way. Professor? Your standard bending unit is made of an Iron-osmium alloy,

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

No robot chef has ever competed here, but today, one has barged his way in... to challenge for the title of-- Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh!

Good-bye, friends. I never thought I would die like this, but I'd always really hoped. The Amazonians will be divided into three groups. The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women. He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women.

Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah.

So, where's the fire this time?

Why? I thought that alien ship wouldn't be here for two weeks. Exactly. And you've been asleep for 13 and a half days. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY) (SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow!

I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH)

they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa-- Wheee!

Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles. Morbo agrees. Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it.

FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment. What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere.

In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable. Give me back my floppy face!

Damn, that's a good costume.

The new eyePhone is wonderful.

Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

The old dine-and-dash, eh? My daddy owned a restaurant, and it's punks like you that kept him from going regional. That's why I became a cop. Now it's payback time. Aw, yeah. Please don't hit me-- I'm brittle!

the young salmon are ready for the arduous journey to the ocean. I do look forward to cavorting in the spray. The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)

I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

Shh! Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

Ah! That's so sweet.

Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

But I have to hide you from my dad. He's really mad at humans 'cause he can't watch television. (GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH) He's a terrible father.

(IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It's me, the Fry! But then Nicolas Cage discovered the real treasure was his family.

Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours. Yup!

What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

But not your only inspiration, am I right, Leels? (LAUGHING) Is somebody standing on me? I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum.

Yes. Yes. Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

Whoa! Even with harps, that's still the famous Oktoberfest Chicken Dance! (CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela! I brought his and her chicken hats!

You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you. And the other hamburger will also be made of your lungs. So long, pal. I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty. Ah, the 67th Amendment.

One more lap! Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap. (CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology.

Damn it, I love that little guy so much! I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!

Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies.

Nope. I've got a date with Chaz.

far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything?

Ah, brisk. This isn't the way Christmas is supposed to be. There, there.

What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home. Congratulations, Fry. You snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics.

I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby. And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

Anyone want butter on that?

Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology. What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh.

Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie. Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation... is immoral, illogical and a violation of interstellar shipping statute 437-B.

Next up, contestant 38!

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs. Stupid rocks. Think they're so great. Well, they are giant diamonds. (LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Come to Papa.

You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating.

Does it look stupid?

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well.

(HISSING) Look out! A Central Park badger!

You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future. It's Politics 101. (SCREAMING) And the votes are in. Richard Nixon, running unopposed,

All rise for the Honorable Judge 723. Be seated.

I love you, Leela, and I always have. Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait. Recently? Like since you ate that toilet sandwich? Yeah. I don't know why, but my life really turned around that day. Stay here.

Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil (SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it! Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful.

It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. And it's flowing down the eerie canal to The Scary Door.

Ten more processors for me. Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy. Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City.

So much so that I'm prepared to give up show business itself to be with you. But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things. But now, all I want is a peaceful life in a quiet villa... overlooking a vineyard... with you.

I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse. So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut!

Don't mind if I already did. By the way, do you have any more of this Dom Perignon bubble bath? There was only enough to fill the tub halfway. This is quite a large ranch you have. 17.9 billion acres. We own entire Western Hemisphere.

They give you a discount if you've been here before. Keep going. We're right behind you.

We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered. Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor. Ooh! Cushiony. And a mini bar.

Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it!

Right here, baby. (GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me?

Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

(ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder! We can't, sir. The men have been hurt too often. Ahh! Ahh!

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary!

Oh, yes. They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening. Everyone, help Mom find her bra. Ew!

Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors. Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about.

No good. It's full of steam.

Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right!

dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in. They typically dwell just behind rocks,

Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet.

Stop! We'll leave. But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother,

Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right! - Yay! - Yeah, it broke, all right.

Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow.

You disobeyed an order so now you have to deliver all 40 pillows by hand. Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine... just get to work. "I'm Leela. Get to work. Na, na, na."

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms. Of course! It was so obvious.

Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month. Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry?

(GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President! That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie.

Not covered. just get in the car.

The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead! I'm expressing my sorrow.

Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do?

They planted traditional college foliage: Ivy, trees, hemp. Soon, the whole planet was terra-formed. Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course.

and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily?

BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"?

Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

The bloody idiot bloody shot me. I'm all bloody bloody! (EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy. Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us. Why, Major MacZongo, why?

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Happy birthday!

Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess.

I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

It's too beautiful to open. Can I open it? Sure. There's just one thing I want you to do. What? - I want you to wake up. - Wake up? But I'm not-- In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift for me in his locker.

Ahh. Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right? (DOOR OPENS) Bender, thank God I found you in time. I need someone in the lab immediately to fold my new sweaters. I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"?

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor. Whoo! That concludes the funeral.

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it?

but I could have a bite. May I present my beautiful robot wife, the Crushinator. She's serving up the dinner and the charm. Mashed chicken, Mr. Fry? Sure.

What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind.

(ACCORDION PLAYING)

Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub! Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones. Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms. I'm dying. (WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me. This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend.

Tuesday, Golden Gate Park-- The monsters of vaguely folkish alterna-rock... will strum your brains out at Bend-Aid, Bend-Aid! Featuring Beck, Wailing Fungus... and special guest Bender! A portion of the proceeds might go to help broken robots. Yeah! Hooray! Great.

Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

(GASPS) I was once Lando Tucker, captain of the first Planet Express ship. Ew! I'm Turanga Leela, captain of the current Planet Express ship. What's going on? It's very simple. Well, actually it's very complicated. Luckily, I'm here to explain it.

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Shut up, Judge, I know it.

Let's go get drunk. Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry.

Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me. Almost there. just two more bottles.

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron.

It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves. First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender." Hey, what did you do to him?

Planet Express stockholders, I present our Chief Executive Officer, Professor Hubert Farnsworth! Oh? There he is! Take it off! W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead!

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it. (MECHANICAL NOISES)

Martians have no land. They've been gently encouraged... to live on reservation deep underground.

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy! Mr. West, would you mind if I examined your brain? Examine? Heck, if you can find it, you can keep it.

Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go!

So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? Uh... 80,000 years? No, one week. Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.

I agree. This has to stop. Oh... My guts feel kind of weird. I'm not surprised. Those pheromones were highly concentrated. Oh, I think I'm getting a little caterpilly.

a few dignitaries can oppress your entire planet for pennies a day!

and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship! There's no room for two captains' butts in this chair.

What the hell is going on here?

Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo! What are you doing here, Sean?

Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea. I'll go out and get her the perfect Xmas present-- Something so great, she'll never want to be unhappy again. just be back by sundown, mon. We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve.

Hey, what's this? Hermes' dreadlocks? And his arm? Leela, I'm shocked. Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little.

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

And this time I mean it!

Do what you young people do to unwind. Take a joyride in your jalopy. Wear a T-shirt and eat a fish stick. Go!

Ooh, tasty. And remember: Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand. "Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp. Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil.

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh! It's not fair. I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it.

Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War.

The brains are weakening. Nibblonians to Nibble stations. Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets. Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh! Take that! And that!

Recently? Like since you ate that toilet sandwich?

Uh, what's with the getup? I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in!

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads?

You heard the good news, everyone. Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera. Bye. Wait. Where do we get the ice? The wha-- Oh, Halley's Comet, of course-- the only sufficient source of ice cubes that don't have bugs in them. Wow. Mining a comet. That sounds fun.

I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids? That's correct. It's time to stop living this vida bachelor loca. Settle down and have kids. Oh, Adlai.

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Saying B... E-n... Der!

Forgive me, my friend. Never!

Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal!

But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister."

Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice. I can't let my monstrous de-boner get anywhere near you. There it is! Well, this is it. You guys wait here. This is going to kill him more than it does me. Goodbye, boy.

In fact, all life is extinct. So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

It's a nice day.

No. Then... Then... it was you.

You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return."

(EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) Why is Mr. Chunks doing that?

The long, dramatic corridor. That's never a good sign.

We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

It says the World Acting Championship is tonight in Hollywood. Quiet, Zoidberg. God, I wish you were a husk. No, it's Langdon Cobb versus Calculon. If we help Calculon win, it will weaken Cobb's ego, maybe? Yes, yes, fine. (WHINING) We never go where I want to go.

Don't make me clamp you one!

Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela!

We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor! Aah! Hey-- Aah!

Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated. And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms.

That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him! The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words...

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

Everyone needs to return to the office immediately.

and something to protect you against bacteria: a harpoon. Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those tiny micro-droids? - Can't you just shrink us? - Oh, my, no.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats. My great uncle once saw a rat. If we don't keep them busy, they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner. Let's go. If I say one more thing, I might say it with my evening boot. Well! Rarely have I never!

You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat."

An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed I was perfect. Fry, didn't we agree I was perfect? Oh, yeah. No, you're pretty perfect. "Pretty perfect"? So, you do think I need an upgrade. Yes. For God's sakes, yes! Fine. I'll be back in a few days.

Move, people! Move!

I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes, and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! Sweet zombie Jesus! Like it's not hard enough to make a freakin' TV show for under 50 bucks. Damn it. I'll call you back, Grandma. Nice of you to show up, toots. I mean that sincerely. It's just that I'm in showbiz.

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass. The robot has to go.

(SNARLING) That took longer than I expected. Quick, into the ship's panic room! I didn't know we had a panic room. Me, neither. It really could have come in handy, like, 50 times.

Please stand clear of self-destructing basket. A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh? - You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye!

Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food,

No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table.

Today is the day we fight back! It's already 10:00. Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back.

Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here.

I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

Fry, swallow your food, then talk. A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid? No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top. And she had a beautiful, scaly tail and I think she had hair extensions. You're simply hallucinating, you moron.

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle? No!

Oh, yes. They're inside! Get them! I suppose I should switch off the robots before they ruin this wonderful romantic evening.

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right?

like I did as a baby. And so I make this solemn vow to do everything I can to make sure this wonderful, innocent creature enters this world happy, healthy, and... All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING)

Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

This is great. I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24. It's just my way of thanking you for not reporting my countless violations of safety and minimum wage laws. Aw, you. I've booked us all on the maiden voyage of the largest, most luxurious space cruise ship ever built.

Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening? (WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

Here's to Amy, single, lonely and fabulous. Thanks, everybody. Looks like I'm back in the game.

You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish.

Yay! You did it!

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

Whoa. Wow! That guy must be, like, the world's greatest bender! My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life!

Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em! Now, this is the high life, watching apes mangle each other near celebrities.

I fInd that offensive! Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass. Mmm. Okay, that's enough.

Once and for all, Fry,

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything...

(BENDER GRUNTING)

But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me.

He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!" Go, bodysuit! Go!

draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders.

It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing.

and two became four, making seven total. The end. I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers?

What do you think of the view, Fry? It really puts things in perspective. I mean, from up here, an entire world can seem utterly insignificant.

MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right? It's a Crud and he's got a gun! Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror. It was self-defense. We are the Cruds, but we're over here. And don't shoot. That crate is a gift from us. - What? - Huh? For real?

Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies.

Hey, I've got one last thought.

JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

Indeed so. Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested. Hey, guess what you're accessories to. The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows.

All right, here's the battle plan. We shoot, they surrender, we go aboard somebody does some clamping then we heist the cigars and go home.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing.

You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway.

Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know. Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'. Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

(ALL GROANING) Uh-oh. I think I'm getting swollen glands. Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure. (GRUNTING) Ow! Go on now.

its wrapper is a piece of the original U.S. Constitution.

Welcome to the Hidey House. Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid. I can fly it, sir. I just need to know where, and how. The obvious destination is Mars. It's close, with lots of open space and no Woodward or Bernstein.

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow!

You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father. Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign.

Sorry, that's Building C. The Central Bureaucracy maintains records on all bureaucrats. We should be able to look up Inspector 5. Application for ingress approved. And the other potential entrant? He's my pencil sharpener.

ALL: Aw... Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy.

Edna. Edna, it's me, Zoidberg. Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg?

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough.

How dare he run off with Richard Nixon. Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar.

Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy.

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back. Hooray! Bravo!

Oh, man, he got away. I guess this is why Chief says no hugging.

Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez anyone? Right this way. Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks.

As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar, a wondrous thing happened, why not? They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets,

I have no idea.

(SLURPING IN UNISON) (ALL BELCHING)

Happy birthday, Leela. I got you a card, but I guess I kind of lost it. That's okay. I don't really like cards. What I'll remember is our time together.

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

What the-- We missed!

And... cut! Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh? Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great.

"Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

Mr. Vice President.

Spit it out, Pookie.

Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop.

Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the--

of all the slimy, gross crab monsters on this planet you are apparently the hottest. Oy.

The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated! My motives were pure. I just wanted you to think we had to save humanity, so you'd be willing to have sex. Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you.

Well, I'm back. What'd I miss?

So take a hearty swallow from your robo-Kiddush cup Which will give me time to quickly make them up (BURPS) Do you spin a dreidel made from clay? Mine is called a droid-el and it's rigged to make you pay Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins?

That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir. Um, may I have a beer, sir? No, you're loyal enough already. Meanwhile, I have a plan. We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet.

This doesn't make any sense. I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it.

The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded.

ALL CHANTING: One zero zero one. Amen.

He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

All right. Caught you! I saw you looking at the atom. So? I look at lots of atoms.

Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business.

I'm sorry. I thought you were made of wax. I am made of wax. What's it to you? I mean I thought you were one of the wax robots. Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots? Or does that confuse you?

By a vote of six to three, we find that flag-eating is not protected by the Constitution. Oh! Six to three? I beat the spread!

Give him hell, Morbo!

This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox.

Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING) Hey, hey, hey. (ALL WHOOPING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I trust the orgy pit has been scraped and buttered? You know it. And there's mini quiches, too.

All opposed? All abstaining? Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this.

Now, go with your friends, please. No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room! Until she sneaks out. When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel!

Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really.

Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I?

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat.

Oh, I don't have time for this!

I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half. I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner...

See you in girl hell. I'll be in boy hell-- much nicer. Yes! Yes! Ow.

That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship. (EXCLAIMS) So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump.

You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

I'm not going out with Amy. It's just to fool her parents. Hey, you're not jealous, are you? What? No, no, of course not. Good. 'Cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful. Mind if I freshen up a bit before we go out?

I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty.

It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss? Saving a race of one-eyed monsters?

I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

(RUMBLING) (GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING) KATZ: Good show.

I'm off to my lab to build a successor-naming machine. Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor?

Now, I notice Fry has been here for a month so I'm appointing him head of a committee to find who's responsible. Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous.

Fry? Is it really you? I don't know. Is it really you? What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem?

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign?

Nope. Step aside, people. I got bug bombs. Bender, wait. Won't the bugs just run out and infest someplace else? Like, our building? Not my problem.

One Mother's Day, 70 years ago the only man I ever loved walked out on me. Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

they had no bingo parlors and only one prostitute. Pfft. Pathetic.

That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right?

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

YOu-- You trashed my party board? Damn right. Now you a mom, the only surfing you do... is under a big wave of responsibility. Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life. You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift-- Mine!

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled. Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit. What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts.

(PANTING) What now? Humidifier.

"I will now make my closing statement. "With my fiancÉ deceased "I hereby return "to my single female lawyer career no matter what any man says." "We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky." And... cut!

But we all need to work together. I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship.

The butler, Dr. Zoidberg! Let's see who this so-called butler really is. (THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass!

One last chance to play, if you're not too tired. Not too tired to chase you, you cute little nut job! Come on, Velma. Someone needs tickles! I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I almost got you! Come here, you. (SQUEAKING)

It does? No way! I got to check out this brochure. So, what are you doing to protect my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices? Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists. Damn straight!

sitting down with your children and hitting them?

I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker.

Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."

Would you like some human with your salt? This is it.

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons. Amy, I wonder where you are right now. I'm inside the dummy to rescue you! Well, that answers that. Wait... Amy?

And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird. Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest. It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact. In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week!

Oh, all right. No time off!

Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved. Leela, I love you. You do? Yes.

Actually, that's kind of a funny story... He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well...

We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter? Ooh, I'm so scared.

We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure. I'm afraid we need to use math.

Uh-huh. May I come in? Never! Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS.

(CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second.

For example, all of us say that. Superstitious robot mumbo jumbo. Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not. With all your modern science are you any closer to understanding the mystery of how a robot walks or talks?

This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment.

Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either. Leela's going nuts, and I can't save her...

Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back. Rich nephew! Come over here... and give your uncle a nice, big meal.

(SOBBING) Don't be scared, Bender. We're putting you in the Witness Relocation Program. You'll be given a new identity, a new place to live, and this iPod. I don't want it anymore. So I gotta hide forever? No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you.

Oh, oh! Ouch! Oh! I'm okay.

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite!

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two.

I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left. I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters. What are we delivering? Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors. We'll get them there as quickly as we can. All right, but don't run with them.

We want our TV back.

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check. Welcome! Oh, I'm just so excited!

Consider this: You are programmed to destroy the naughty.

and I have to protect my kids from understanding it!

(GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screaming in agony. (SNIFFLING) I hope so.

Please, anything else. Take your hands off me.

Well, let's break this ship in. This package is going to Glorionimous 3, which orbits an incredible rainbow giant star. All right! Let's ride!

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes.

Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success, and, in any case, I'd never live to see it. I'm surprised you lived through that sentence. Sorry you wasted your life, Professor. I guess you'll never know everything after all. Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray!

Detonation in T-minus 15 seconds.

Make Bender take a nap in a tube! Come back when I've had some sleep, baby.

You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money.

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train! That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez. (ALL BOOING) Why are they booing me, Silicon?

Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. Yeah, fatal, schmatal. If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body. That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit!

That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth. And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model.

He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party! Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes?

Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off.

Bah! Someday they'll watch, from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box. You know, maybe a certain blue lobster... saw where Professor hid the box.

Thank you. Come again. That's what I call a hostile makeover. Hair gel? No, thanks. I make my own.

Wait. What would the robot do? Frame someone! What up? I'm walkin' on sunshine hmm-mm-mm

Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair,

Full price for gum? That dog won't hunt, monsignor.

Kids love him. Hmm! What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die!

Leela, take my hand! I'm slipping! The one time your hands aren't sticky, they're greasy! Oh, sorry. Normally I would've wiped them on my pants, but... (SCREAMS) (THUD)

Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING) Look out for the next thing!

Behold, my mutant atomic supermen! They're only a foot high, Professor. Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really. We'll need to speed up their growth...

Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look. The disgusting little men are starting to sing.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There.

Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer. Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh.

(GROANS) Of course, I will do the peace dance. But I will need help. Super Dance Squad, initiate! Super Dance Squad, initiate! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this.

I'm going to be the greatest ultimate robot fighter ever. Float like a float-bot, sting like an automatic stinging machine.

Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good. Thanks for saving us, Fry.

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers.

Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no.

To communicate with the bees, we'll need to use these trans-bumbleators. Bender, say something in bee talk. (BUZZING) I'm sorry, Bender. What do you want me to put on the glass? (BUZZING) Okay, if we survive.

(CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down. I have but one option. Keep them and let us go? No!

No. I'm not attracted to bullies no matter how big and, uh, handsome they are. It's okay, Leela, go ahead. I got a lot of work to do here. Sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks.

He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum.

I meant your wallet.

Young man... you have the bravery of a hero and breath as fresh as a summer ham.

l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here! Leela

Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) Your aft-plate.

You're smart, you're beautiful, and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand. You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different. Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives.

My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain. All right. Enough lipstick. Let's storm out.

You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat.

Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile.

Just... my left hand? Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting! I can't stand it! Okay. You can have my hand. Wonderful! just sign here.

Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do? Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir!

That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes? That could be a response the aliens are waiting for! Quickly. To Mount Shushmore!

Keep that thing away from me.

Ah, time for my precious 10:00 a.m. meeting.

- I pick her. - (APPLAUSE) (GRUNTS) Thanks, Mr. Nice Man.

I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus!

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead?

No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. Really. Miniskirts? That sounds familiar. Surely you know McNeal. She is an unmarried human female struggling to succeed in a human male's world. Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent.

That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me. Ew.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"!

Edna. Edna, it's me, Zoidberg. Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings.

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these.

Now I'm all you got! I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.

Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close.

Come on, it's just like making love. You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees engage rotor. I know how to make love.

All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow. Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet. Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet.

Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

All right. Here's the plan.

Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals?

I'm not giving my name to a machine! I'll accept. Fry's in trouble and he needs help. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me. I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?! I don't know why I should. I mean, after what he... Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. What is it you like best about me?

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing

You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way!

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder!

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

Right this way. I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn.

We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about?

That's cool. That's cool. So, um, uh, I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh?

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it.

Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile. Uh, your present may need some assembly.

What bomb? It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh?

Uh, what's that, sonny? You say it'll put some whoopie in my cushion? This might take a while. I've got to adjust the memory timing, raise the CPU voltage, and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted.

It's an honor to meet you, Leonardo. And may I say, you were great in Titanic. The Beach... That's Leonardo DiCaprio, you blockhead! (GROANS) Looks like eating rocks wasn't as dumb as you said.

And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer. Folks say my mama was a hoe. Oh, dear, I seem to have warped my fork. Could you bend it back for me, Billy? Bend it? I can't even lift it.

The Gender Bender! Boo! Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons,

Ow! Ow! Aah! Ooh! Uh! Good luck, Bender!

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin!

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

Would you like some human with your salt?

Want a corn dog? Sure. Then your mom should have bought you one. (LAUGHS)

It does sort of class-up the place. MALE VOICE: The time is 4:00 a.m.! We've been arguing all night, Kif. Can't we go to bed? Is that all you ever think about? I'm not just some piece of tofu, Amy. I need to know where we stand in our relationship.

Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing! How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die?

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers! Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no. Well, yes, actually. (GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself.

With gusto. Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care...

It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald. What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor."

It's an orangutan one of Mother Earth's most precious creatures. Hmm. Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey?

These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

Well, I've got nothing to do for the next eight million years. Therefore, I will administer a series of tests to determine the superior gender. Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive.

Yee-haw! Bow before your master, puny mortals! Whoo! Giddy-up! Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Whoopee!

In a closet? Oh, humans.

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot. (MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING)

The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000.

The crisis on Pluto worsens... as dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat. The images are truly horrific. I don't think any of us can understand...

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

Quiet! Call comin' in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done!

Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you.

Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom.

We only got two drops.

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all...

Come inside, I'll feed you. Okay, but I'm kind of picky. I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad.

I've come to take him and leave with him!

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you.

You know, beneath his warm, sunny exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot. What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay.

Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up.

Now, bees communicate by dancing. Like my parents! Oh, wait. That was hitting. So this language cartridge will let you distract them. Ah, good. I often have thoughts and feelings that can only be expressed through dance.

I just hope he's a nice man who can make us lot of grandchildren. This not some parallel universe where you getting any younger.

I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING)

One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone. You're impossible.

Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened! First, I was God. Then I met God. We climbed a mountain and locked up some monks!

Table for two, please.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that. You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands!

Oh, Lord! Hiking is always such a strain on the buttocks. Shh! What was that sound? It wasn't a bird's nest falling. That sounds like this. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared.

Here I comes to save the days.

Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that.

U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets.

I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently. just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters,

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Oh. Now I'm really outraged. Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here? I'm networking. Let me give you my card. Relax, Dad. We just invited a few friends over.

Huh? Yes, hi. I'm from the vampire bank that burned down. I have what remains of the contents of a safe deposit box belonging to a Bender B. Rodriguez. Thank you. Bender's medal. It melted in the fire.

Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you?

They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir. The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy.

It won't move... and the door release is on the other side. Then we're dead meat. No one could squeeze under there. No one except a legendary limbo champion. Oh, Hermes. Ooh, it's been a while. Ah!

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto!

August 6, 1991.

Bender and I have our disagreements, but we're still friends. And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man.

Oh, look at him dance! He don't care. Try this, peg-leg. No sweat! (SCREAMING) (GROANS) Time's up, kittens. The judge has conferred and the vote is in.

Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin! I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications.

with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Hurry! I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it. It's too low!

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess.

Very good, Robot 1-X. - And you, Bending Unit? - Uh, I never got the change. Suckers. Presenting Mom's friendly robots--

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know. Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall? Ah, good old Bender.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah.

There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return? Nothing, nothing at all. This calls for a celebration. Come on, everyone, let's go tanning. Hurray! Hurray!

Does not compute. Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s.

Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. Slurm her!

Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves.

I heard you're entering the NASA science competition. Maybe I am, LL Fool J. So what's your project? The effects of losing on idiots? No, I'm gonna infect my guinea pig with the common cold and launch it into space to see if it gets cured by cosmic rays. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Lame, though the common cold virus does seem like a judge-pleaser.

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful. Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here.

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me.

Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring. That's a good one. Ow!

My God! Saint James was a robot! My God! Da Vinci left his legs unpainted as a clue. My God! This is the greatest mystery of all time. We must fly to Rome and exhume the body of Saint James. - Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

Well, I got it. Now what, Captain? You know, I'm not sure. I guess I thought whales died when you harpooned them. Ah!

Not in Space, Massachusetts.

I don't even want to... why is...

Run program "Kif://3."

(CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid!

Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

It's a girl. My God, she's beautiful. No extra anythings.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago?

What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention? (SCREAMING) (GASPS) That was amazing.

Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe.

At 0000 hours, Planet X-3 was attacked by a mysterious death sphere. Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make. You see, when I first went foraging, what I actually found was the smoldering wreckage of the ship. Ignoring all danger, I charged inside to liberate our provisions.

Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her

That's what being a scientist is all about.

We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no! An asteroid field! If even a pea-sized asteroid... were to whiz through my skull it could-- ow-- hurt slightly. Well, that was fun. Now, for eons of loneliness.

Over there is our aquarium. This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church. Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing.

But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy! The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death. (GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace.

Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow! Aha. Yah!

And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff.

There's only one way to know who committed this crime. I'll just have to find out. Detective Klaus Mandela is The Finder Outer. This truly is the golden age of television. Hey, Papa, want to help me earn a merit badge? Hmm? Sorry, son.

(SCREAMING) (LOUD SLAMMING) (PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening. I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous.

Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

Top Ramen in a Cremora sauce, Xerox-blackened chicken. Oh! And for dessert, cherry throat lozenge jubilee. (SNIFFS) Mmm... What a wonderful nighttime sneezing, coughing, stuffy head, so-I-can-rest dessert! This really is lovely, Fry. Thank you.

Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

Admit it. You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier. Well, aren't they? I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it. Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9--

That's it, Barbados Slim! You have gone one toke over the line! Limboers, on your marks! Get rubbery. Limbo! There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins!

That is stupid! I can't believe you're laughing... at the tragic exploitation of a proud, bead-loving people. Lighten up, Leela. It's funny. Of course it is. But you don't have to laugh.

And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man!

This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

Your Honor, will you marry me? Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

(TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things! (GULPING)

Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all. No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers.

You hold on to it. I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS)

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already.

They don't have you to inspire them.

Aha! Aha! Uh, searching. Hmm. Fry, why are you looking for Flexo in my underpants drawer?

You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see.

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres!

and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew.

You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is. That sounds like a cry for help. Let's all take her out tonight. There's lots of great places to meet people.

Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me?

Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about. Whoa!

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party? Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life. I am partied out! Dang. Sorry we missed it. We could have another one, if it would make you guys feel better. Really? No, that's not necessary.

Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull!

Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

Wait. Crashing what with who in it? (EXCLAIMS) (ALL YELLING) Don't worry, Mother, we'll save... (CHOKING) (GLASS SHATTERS)

Not for five cents, not for 500 cents.

Hey, that's what I do.

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins. Good way to avoid frostbite, folks-- put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket. Uh, I think I'll go check on Bender. Watch that he doesn't pick your pocket.

But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once. Anyhow, I ate both our lunches. You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam! Please, let me make it up to you.

Oh, it's a turnstile. What's this? Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space.

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time.

Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me.

I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police. Not so fast, Nixon! Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading.

Well, it looks like I'll be needing my heroic bureaucrat back. At severely reduced pay, of course. Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) (GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little,

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me.

The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it. That's a complete load.

Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? No, it is the bad kind of puppy.

Married? Jennie can't get married! Why not? It's clever, it's unexpected. But that's not why people watch TV! Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared.

- We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.!

Amy? Stop it! Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all!

Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there. Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose.

My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was-- Hello. Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever.

Eating the flag is bad!

And now, back to our show. Healthy, healthy, healthy Healthy purpleberries are Eat purpleberries and you'll be a star Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond. (NEIGHING)

Pet it. Pet it.

All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship,

Sure, blame the wizards. That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash!

He's good all right, but he's no Clem johnson. And johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory.

Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip.

(LAUGHS) Well, I guess a fellow's got to talk big when he's sporting a little shrivelled up antenna like that. What? (SPUTTERING) For your information, "Madam," it's a grower, not a shower!

Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care! (BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping.

Well, we did it. We got all Bender's parts back. Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass.

One, two! one, two, three!

Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain.

Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful. Hey, what's that?

I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen. The only thing I truly know is I love you. I mean, her. Wait, help me out here.

Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes! Come on, we better talk to the zoo director.

Mmm. Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough. Get her purse!

Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

Well, I'm in love with this girl. Uh! Oh! Eh! That's rich. Go on. I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers.

MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat. (GRUNTS) Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.

More. Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy. Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh?

Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy...

Let there be peace between us. Yes. Let us smoke-um peace pipe. Smoke-um? Here. Take. Oh, no, thanks. I'm on the peace patch. You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you!

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

(IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor's cousin and chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... I said... (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa!

(BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING)

He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this.

And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it. Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas?

This solar system is, like, way old! Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash! Everything's getting older the closer we get to that ancient, burnt-out sun! Dude, the Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself! Shut up! I was gonna say that.

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now,

I didn't want you to hurt me either.

which is more than most kids have. But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world. Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

- Hey, guess who I just got off the videophone with? - No! My parents! They're coming up from the sewers for a visit Sunday.

Launch all missiles! We were defeated in battle.

Hey! MRS. ASTOR: Mayor, this sewer debacle has gone on long enough.

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender! This society is a bunch of idiots. People of Osiris Four, please welcome a man who started as a slave,

Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron. Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh!

just two robots out roboting it up.

We'll see you in court. Motion destroyed. The hunt shall resume at sunup. (HORSE WHINNIES) He's crooked, but fair.

One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.

Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Uh-huh, uh-huh Well, Froggie went a-courtin' and he did ride Somethin' Bender is great Froggie went a-courtin' and Bender is great Uh-huh

Better than nothing.

Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech! There's only one thing we can do...

(MUSIC CONTINUES) Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS)

Scruffy believes in this company.

Well, I must admit it's not bad. And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine. Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back. (SNORING)

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help! Oh! Leela, don't worry, we're here to rescue you! How do we get up there? I'll let my hair down and you can climb up!

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do.

You aren't, are you? Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do? A man can give her a toke of her own medicine. Yes! I could put my mind into a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body.

It's gone! Yes, fellow patriots, I ate your flag, and I did it with pride. For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day!

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping.

(EXCLAIMS) As election day nears, Prop Infinity appears doomed to certain defeat. Doomed!

Get out of my house, you commie. (ALL GRUNTING) No! I'm not ready to leave yet. Mom! (GRUNTS) Okay, kid, focus. Where'd you hear that music? Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting?

Liftoff! I'll roger that. Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

Well... Give us back our genitals! Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks. Oh. It's you. Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting,

Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

Commence mercy-killing in three, two, a-yup.

It's gone! All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

You liked that one, right? Oh, it's tempting, but, well... I am already kind of settled in here. Or we could live underground with the mutants. A little fire'll show them who's boss. Uh... listen, is there maybe some way we could do this with you going and me not going? I don't understand.

What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

I mean, Flexo's great, but-- Flexo's great, you say? Oh, well, that's good enough for me. Welcome aboard, lad.

BOTH: You want us to do four things?

Nice work out there, kid. You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life! Hi, boss. Yo, dude. Hey! He's not dead. What's up with that? What, you didn't read the pamphlet? Ultimate robot fighting's a scam, kid. It's rigged.

I could conquer Earth, kill all humans. That's a thought.

Professor? I'll ruin you like I ruined this company! Terrific. Question number one-- What was your overall business plan?

Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

Uh, Leela? I'm through making fun of women. Now I want them to help me. Should we do something? There's no hurry. Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard!

So, you want to be a comedian, is it? It's my lifelong dream. Well, that dream dies now! You're unfunny and untalented! That's why you're perfect for drama. Hmm. Serious drama. Perhaps it is time to give up comedy.

I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be! That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid...

Hmm. We lost Bender. There. Now no one will be able to say I don't own John Larroquette's spine. Aha! My brother's grave.

(ALARM BUZZES) Huh? My alarm clock? Is that the music? Not even close, you tone-deaf moron. FARNSWORTH: Now get out of bed and start dreaming. (GASPS) My old apartment. My old turtle. My old burrito. My old girlfriend.

No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this. (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

- Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman.

Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong. I'm so glad we could admit Amy in exchange for your generous contribution. How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got?

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

Yes. Let us smoke-um peace pipe. Smoke-um? Here. Take. Oh, no, thanks. I'm on the peace patch. You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you!

Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer.

These people seem really mild-mannered. They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now. You touched me in ways I've never been touched before. Ah, there you are, Your Majesty. It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony.

Now which costs more-- the parrot or the stink lizard? The lizards are a buck each. The parrot is $500. That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes.

We're looking for something that fits in here.

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me?

Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet.

What's new? Huh? Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh!

few can match the mating ritual of the elephant seal. Certainly not the salmon. And the tortoise? Yeah, right. The huge, lumbering males defend patches of beach to deny their rivals access to the breeding grounds. Just as in human society,

When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies.

One jillion dollars.

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary? I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father.

I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

- Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf. Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount. Maybe he has. Look at these tracks.

Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

But, sir, children watch this show. Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is--

We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir. Very well.

But you still don't have your own building or conference table... Or-- or one of those things.

Nah, I'm yankin' your chain. I'm dyin'. You can't die! Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too. But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realize I love Flexo!

Once two bodies have switched minds, they can never switch back. However, perhaps they can. Maybe we can swap back using a third body for temporary storage space. I'm 60% storage space. You are? I... Mmm?

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting.

even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww! (GASPS) (SOBBING) (WHISTLES) That is one quality pacemaker. The rest of you might as well give up now, 'cause I'm gonna take home the...

Come on! Go! Go! Through the kitchen! You little crooks! If I catch you, I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo! You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own. Us? Me? You? Kids?

Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door.

And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it! Your voice is so annoying! You always leave the toilet seat crushed! See? Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but...

Uh, really good smokes. Two hours.

Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood. Mmm. Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good.

That's it! Happy birthday!

So what? I have a chandelier in my car made of those. Not the gem. This passenger manifest. It turns out there were mutants on that ship working below deck in the sewage galley. Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down,

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

the future of robotics has arrived. Boys. I give you Robot 1-X. Ow! Oh. Oooh. Aaah.

I'm ready for my test now, boys. Hail, hail, Robonia A land I didn't make up

It's 8:00, time to get busy. I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music. I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past.

They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles? Things got hot. You look a little hot, actually.

Quit makin' with the googly eyes. You know that I'm in love with Bender. Bender? That walkin' wuss factory? He may be a walkin' factory, but believe me, he is no wuss. Now look, you and me are through. I told you that when I divorced you. But goin' through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer. Care to dance?

Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels!

Oh, my, no. For this highly Controversial mission,

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

You're out of the gang. How did we manage to survive? What gave us those strange powers? Maybe we're all wearing magic rings. But they're invisible rings, so we don't even realize it! Also, you can't feel the rings. Fry! Shut up and look at this!

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh? Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment. - Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

Hurry. What's happening? Oh. Whew! Whoa-ho-ho! Just in time.

welcome to the ribbon-cutting ceremony of the DOOP's magnificent new headquarters a fitting home for an organization that has fostered peace throughout the universe-- even between the insectoids and the space lizards.

An understatement, to say the least.

This company's gonna shoot straight to the top... and stay there, like Cyndi Lauper. I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what?

They've always got a nice docky-wocky on.

Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible.

C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean? Which ocean? That ocean? Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage!

How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close.

Greetings, my friends!

He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet. Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he?

Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood.... Aw!

but the damn thing was a vegetarian, so I slaughtered the sheep myself. But why did you attack me? So I could impress you by seeking revenge on the creature. Us greeters don't get a lot of action. On paper it seemed like a win-win situation. Do you realize what this means, Fry? Your pet's not dangerous after all.

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert.

Welcome to the future, human slave. Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans!

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who?

Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time.

FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad.

Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than...

Look at all these famous lost ships. There's the Garmin! And the TomTom! Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship! What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted? We'd better investigate. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Looks like an ion storm, though. Everyone, suit up!

Stop! Stop eating Popplers. Why? My booze! Popplers are intelligent. This one called me "Mama."

His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose,

Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

Ow! My foot's cold.

Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other? Something must be done. But first I have to see a man about some ground beef. (GROANING) Look what you made me do.

you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters--

Why are they booing me, Silicon? 'Cause your song was insincere, boy. Now, get out and don't come back till you've lived a life worth singing about.

That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela. Dude, over here.

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket.

That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING) Oops.

That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney.

It should rip us out of stasis,

This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh!

Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming, searching, questing, and shortly, it will rend my loins in twain, burst forth, and pull us down, down, down... into the deep, dark waters of commitment.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde! You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this.

And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode.

Hi? I'm Jrrr, of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks...

Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them?

Here's to another lousy millennium.

The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer.

What's happened to you, mon? I thought you liked beer and knock-knock jokes. I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead,

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der! Mail call!

I am one hungover cryogenicist. just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss. I think you're forgetting our motto.

So, what's in the box already? No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it.

(GROANING) I have a terrible confession to make.

Let's hire someone better. Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words.

Thanks for taking me out, Amy. I feel slightly less miserable already. Hey, you know what would cheer you up?

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING)

It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second.

You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. No, we can get jobs. But we just had jobs. Fortunately, I still have our old career chips. Our what? Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at.

That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Come in. Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf? No, thanks.

I'll get things started with a little neck extension... Then a couple of these... And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What?

And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes!

Her? She's just a bossy friend. Exactly! She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job! This must be settled. I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what?

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot. You saved millions of lives, Fry.

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters.

and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer. Why, you're that disgraced starship captain. Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in! I'd like everyone to meet our new employees.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances.

I hated Jim! In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist.

It's too foggy. We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough.

where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president. That story was preposterous.

Why can't I shoot you? (LAUGHING) Poor deterministic Bender. I programmed you to be incapable of harming me. Oh, I've never been more sure I was right to deny you free will. Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING)

Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy. You're all nuts. Shut up. Let me talk. You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats.

Now, hop in the flivver and score me some of that sweet, sweet powder. (WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy!

Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn? Probably not, but we did.

be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy! Oh. So, how did you wind up getting frozen? Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked and I resolved to freeze the weasel.

Leela, no! Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily.

My antigravity snares are virtually undetectable.

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado.

the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh. I'm so into you. Oh, my!

Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

(PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like--

Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it. If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp.

I heard you from my room.

Hey, what you watching? Uh, nothing. Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it.

Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal.

Father-O! Bender, I'd like you to meet our director, whose name I never learned. Yo. I read the script...

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island.

Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth. (ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something?

You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar. One more hit, and we're done for!

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

Just... my left hand?

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

Oops. Don't worry, they'll be fine once the tranquilizer wears off.

So far, so good. Where's Kif?

You see, besides the trail mix, the minibar also contained Doritos, beef jerky and a generous assortment of fine chocolates. I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising.

The sad fact is, we should have left you dead, because you can't possibly do a scene like this. That was the meanest thing I ever saw.

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up?

We can't leave yet. We've got to wait for Bender. The high gravity must be slowing down his looting. Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi.

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse. And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die.

Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

What? How do you spell that? What are you hacking off? Is it my torso? It is! My precious torso! Hermes, quiet. I'm deducing things. What do you got? Disposal trouble?

Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

Well, that was an utter waste of time.

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening?

Bam! Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor.

How do I get out of limbo?

Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present. But what about your other coworkers? Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings?

And when I say killer app, I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow!

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Roll film. Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851, in New New York's nerdiest slum-- Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child,

If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever. You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci?

Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court--

What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey!

- In marriage - In marriage

It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot! Relax my chitiny chum. There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch! It must be mating season for Zoidberg's people. A chaotic time when his behavior is dictated by the tiny brain in his rump. Yech!

Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard... Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss. Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my fund and kicks-in' my back.

Hey, what can I get y'all? Wow, you can talk? Shut up and give me a Slurm Loco. (GULPS) Ooh! Ooh! Hey, drink machine, what kind of alcoholic sodas you got? Y'all can't drink at work! This ain't a sawmill!

Ah, Breakfast Club. This'll clear out the room at the end of the reception.

My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head.

(SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right. We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever.

That's so fascinating!

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us!

Whoa! Check out all those broken robots. Howdy, fellas! Oh, I don't believe my broken eyes! It's Bender, the washboard player! Hey, man, we caught your concert from here. You rock! Oh-- Oh, Bender, sign my chest! It's in that bin behind me.

I request a satanic funeral.

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way. You're sweet, Leela. (GIGGLING) Sorry, Bev, but I ain't cut out for fatherhood. So here's my certificate of abandonment drawn up by our notary. That'll be 10 bucks.

Bad news, nobody. The supercollider super-exploded!

Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood! What if we help you get your passion back without the hassle of mutilating me? Yeah, we know a great place in the mountains. We could take you there for a romantic dinner under the stars. Hmm. Sounds interesting. But he would never do it. Like hell I wouldn't.

so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch. Why don't you just go to hell! Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they? (SIGHS) Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano. Now can we have our pizza?

Oh. Ah, man! Phew!

It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times.

These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible. Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time.

Look out! We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up.

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages,

Aw. I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know.

FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk.

No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day. Well, good night.

Wife? What are you doing with Bender's shiny metal gas compressor? None of your bizmarkie. Wait a second. What's that do-wah in your ditty bag? Uh. Uh. Okay, so we were hot. I stole Amana's Freon coil so we could hook it up to Bender's ass and build a cooler. You are no better than me, you shifty tree skink.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

You're on an airplane. There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

I didn't want to know!

goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant--

The mutant people will arise!

Hey, wanna buy a tiny little kidney? I'll let you punch me for a buck. Look. We've got mail for Santa. Are you his elves? We're not elves. We're Neptunians. We're just shrimpy because he doesn't feed us.

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man.

Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger. And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer.

Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got. Good news, everyone. I'm sending you on an extremely controversial mission. Controversial?

Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth! (ALL GRUNTING) It won't turn. Push harder, Bender! I can't! You should have called my cousin, Turner.

It has done everything and everyone imaginable.

All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela!

He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears! I'm changing the channel.

I should be weeping! I'm not weeping! I love these things! Shake paws, Nibbler. Come on. Shake.

Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden. Eh, no thanks. I'm good. But there's probably some cool forbidden stuff you can steal. I don't know, Fry. For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough.

All right, fine. And on the way there? Okay, I'll hold the ice cream while you two go over. Where's the ice cream? There was a bear.

If you show anyone that picture, there will be terrible consequences.

if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! You know, you always were a kick in the teeth, man. Ah, shucks, thunder buns. You make me feel like a million volts. Oh, Flexo, Flexo, Flexo. I'm startin' to remember why I fell for you in the first place.

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Let me think about this. (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) I guess it's okay.

You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.

Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have-- a soul. Eh. And freckles.

Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look.

Oh. Where's the Professor? Probably dead. Already dissolving in a bathtub, if we're lucky. I was out on the widow's walk keeping a hopeless vigil for the return of my first delivery crew. It's been 50 years since they disappeared.

Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean. Farewell. Cut.

So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones. Hey, you think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Yes! I'm going to be rich! You, too, but it's hard to get excited about that. How do we sign? Pop A poppler in your mouth when you come to fishy joe's what they're made of is A mystery where tHey come from, no one knows you can pick 'em, you can lick 'Em you can chew 'Em, you can stick 'Em if you promise not to sue us you can shove one up your nose.

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains. Initiate space/time transfer!

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS) (CANNED LAUGHTER)

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference.

(SCREAMING) Neat.

Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours.

After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha!

You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

and now he is judging a high school science contest. Truly a man who can and will do anything, Dr. Buzz Aldrin! Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men. (ALL CHUCKLING) But seriously, there are Moon Men.

can the defense produce the bending unit in question? We don't know where the hell he is. Your Honor, that is something we cannot a-doodle-doo. Then I'm holding the defendants in contempt and fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot. (MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in

I'm gonna help you earn a manly badge. Planetary invasion! (GROANS) But that's really hard. Hard shmard. I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy. FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here. Look, Nibbler's caught the scent of vodka and motor oil. Go, boy. Follow that stench.

(SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

(GASPS) (SIGHS) I should have known the truth would come out sooner or later. The fact is, I really was born on Earth tomorrow. You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future.

Yes? Where's that chicken soup we asked for? Chicken, water, fire. You take it from there. This is torture.

What? You're not my breakfast friends. What are you doing here? Leela blackmailed us all into eating healthy, organic food. Blackmail? What does she have on you? As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out.

Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo."

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Off you go, apparently.

Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall,

Say, what's this? Anyone hear something?

You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way?

It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is,

in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets.

Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots. Go! Go! Hit anything that moves! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos!

if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up!

I've not much money but I've saved my pennies all year for a gift for Mom. Upsy-daisy. Oh. Oh... Hey, look. The robot museum.

Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so. But for right now, enjoy the sounds of the world's smallest violin. I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela, for tearing your arm off and all.

Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu. Then why'd you become a whale biologist? I don't know you well enough to get into that. Three hundred dollars, please. Noon tomorrow. If you're late, you only get to tread water in the scallop tank.

Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero!

Bender? What happened to your leg tube?

Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity!

Well, I give up-- what's the catch? Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New jersey. Not one place even remotely livable. Oh, how awful.

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee!

I love you. Olive you. (LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry. He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates. He's been working so hard, we barely even see him.

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call.

Oh, Lord. This company's circling the drain, I tell you! I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold! A complete sandwich? You got fleeced.

See that waitress there? Yowzah! I know what I want for dessert. That's my fiancÉe, Mildred. Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee.

That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck. He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger. I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman,

What's this next float, Linda? Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit.

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened.

Let's humiliate them with slingshots. (BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops.

No one ever asks if Bender would like to live in a tiny little house. Not that I would. A tiny little house that says "Bender" on it. Ow!

A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air?

Also, I guess I'll kill one of you...

(CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (AGREEING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

How's that robot I ran over? We did all we could. You mean he's--

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle.

While waiting for him to knock some idiot's chair over, I suddenly realized I'd forgotten to lock the ship. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun! Hey, come on, you keister-meisters!

Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client.

(AUTOMATED VOICE READING) Also, you have a rectangular mass in your colon. That's a calculator. I ate it to gain its power.

I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure.

Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness? Both. Whoa! I still don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I love you. And I wanna be here beside you. Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over.

And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either.

I have something important to tell you. I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone. The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you.

All right, let's just rescue them and get out of here. Hooray, they're saved!

(SIGHS) (APPLAUSE) Amazing.

Oh. That's a little bright.

You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson. If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kiff? Sex-lexia.

If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes.

Hey, boss looks like somebody beat us to it. I'll assume that's a joke at my expense. Well, who's laughing now?! - Hee-ya! - Ooh! Hey, where's Blotto? He should be here learning the trade.

Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor. But he doesn't want to appear soft on people who've been falsely imprisoned. At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all. Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not.

It comes with the job. I'm just so lonely! Oh, come on. Cheer up. It's not that bad. You want to try escaping again? Nah, I'm comfy.

It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying! Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster. What are you, my driver's license? Eating a sweet, innocent chick before it's even hatched?

Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe. Now it's personal.

Okay; not great. As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality.

Geez, Bender, you're scaring me.

(ALL SHOUTING) What's all this ruckus? People live here, you know. Mr. President, our children are fat and dumb, and we blame cartoons. It's time to get government onto our backs.

This is the happiest moment of my life. Aw!

- Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies! The birthing is complete.- All right!

Look, up ahead. Old New York.

Oh! Now, he's wearing a hat! Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake.

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener.

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda? Representing our men, women and children in uniform,

Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do? Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots!

Who are you, my warranty? (CHUCKLES) That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh?

Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts.

and I know I can never make it up to you. You don't have to apologize. In fact, I came to thank you. I think you mean hit me. Everyone knows my secret, but no one cares. I have nothing to hide anymore. Fry, thanks to your selfish rudeness, a terrible weight has been lifted from my heart.

Zooka barooka! First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food! Five hundred dollars, you say? Dog food, you say?

Toodle-oo! Dumb ass. What a nice lady. Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow.

Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission. Which reminds me...

Ow! Me next snu-snu! Out me way! Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!

Until she sneaks out. When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space,

Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it!

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt!

to keep your consciousness separate from hers. Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him. Well, I guess we better clean up these millions of hearts. Nah. I've got a lazier idea.

Oh, please. Really?

Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party! Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes?

You can do it, Kif!

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones.

Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space.

He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down.

It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy.

I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis,

My-reka! There it is, the grand unified theory, reducing all the laws of nature to a single equation. Professor, you did it. You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor.

No! The cat shelter's on to me.

But you killed the Professor.

Ye gods! What manner of beef-witted popinjay am I? Well, there's a couple ways to answer that. The scales have dropped from my eyes. I'm not the greatest actor ever. I'm a talentless buffoon!

On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack. Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING)

If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it. What's that weird cat? (SIGHS) This is the fox we'll be hunting today. Wow, this is easier than I thought. The sport is in the chase, sir. The fox gets a 30-minute head start.

Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was. I thought maybe if you heard a familiar voice, it might help keep your mind together. But who knows if it really got through?

You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes.

No! This is impossible! Quit blacking out and look at this. "Inspector 1, 2, 3, 4, 6."

I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word.

Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider? Oh, all right, but just one glass. Mmm. Okay, that's enough.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

For the love of God, somebody kick his ass! Well, so long. Get well soon. Oh. Well. So long anyway.

As the tea boils, please join hands... with your beloved Smizmarr. Oh, right. Sorry, but I've memorized the ceremony by rote, and it mentions her a lot. I'll try to endure. Good. 'Cause I'm not changing it.

You'll be fine.

Behold! My invincible nuclear mutants! Hi. Hello.

Stop the bloodshed, stop the violence. Ha! I saw that coming from a mile... (EXCLAIMS)

Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected. I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges.

Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?!

He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

We should become a commercial airline. I mean, we've got a ship, and teleporters won't be invented for another 15 years, according to that guy from the future. Wow. That's actually a really good idea, for a woman.

CUBERT: Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em! Hey, foreign aggressors, what's up? We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING)

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous? MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. (MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12,

By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place.

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

Show them my medal, Kif. He rented it with his tax refund.

Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever?

How much you got? Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

I don't know what's in there,

The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve! (MILD APPLAUSE) Thank you, Great Reveal-o. And now, as a solemn testicle to those left behind on Earth, I present this monument, titled simply, "Heroes."

You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace. You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy.

10.77-- same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion.

from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused.

Ooh. Wait here, Bender. I need to get a disguise.

BENDER: Missed me!

"At Veracruz. So, if you'll kindly hand me my poncho--" Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest!

I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint. Will you guys shut up?

Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here! Yeah, man! You got to legalize it!

What about me? You are free to go. Yes!

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send. Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send.

We demand justice.

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu. Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But-- Don't be a prude, Fry.

Sounds like a plan.

I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream. The spoon's in the foot powder.

but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come.

This is a job for Hermberg. You fend off the creature with kicks and farts while I un-stick you with my slippery ink. (YELPING) Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING)

Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, damn it!

Or maybe... he never left at all! Wait a minute. You're Bender. Of course. Who said I wasn't? But why were you wearing that scarf and the turtleneck and this fruity number? It's a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.

Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here I suggest Fry give me a nice convincing kiss. Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm.

Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

Indeed, and we're next if we can't keep it in our collective pants. Our sole hope is to persuade the people of Earth - to abandon their smutty ways. (WHIP CRACKS) So, the orgy's off?

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one.

So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper.

Sweet lion of Zion. Look at the professor go.

No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling. I owe it all to you. There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah!

(ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Thanks, moderate spender. Please select erotic transaction. Yeah. How about a lap dance for my pal here? Ooh, yeah. Chuck-a-Chong. Uh, no, no, that's all right, really. I-- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp, but he's bad news. I regret ever running him over. Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo.

Someday I want to marry a girl like her.

Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot! It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why?

Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and which ones sizzle... keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology. Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Oh, I think I'm getting a little caterpilly. All right, let's get this party ended.

Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use 'em, but look at me now. Oh, yeah, baby, gonna do-dah-dah! Do-do, Do-do-do-do. C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean? Which ocean? That ocean?

(ALL GROAN) LEELA: I found the satellite! Let's just hope the experiment's still in here. Yes! We're saved! And now, to present the awards, our very special guest. He walked on the Moon,

Sure thing, pal. Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level. Fry, please. That's sweet, but I'd rather not even dignify them with an ass-whupping. Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy...

and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement?

And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord!

In the hospital. The ambulance took you here right after the bee stung you. But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey! We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Mushu, the educated whale who thinks he's better than you! Come on, Mushu! Barf!

We're going to die!

Now, since we'll be committing crimes which may be against the law, I suggest you have an alibi. An alibi, huh?

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

How far away do you think it is? A trillion miles?

What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes.

But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean. Farewell.

Oh, really? Who gonna save us? One eye? Lobster mooch? Drunken garbage can? This sounds like a job for-- Lt. Kif Kroker. All right, then.

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor.

Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who! But we already have a client signed up. We're delivering the Daily Supernova. So your delivery company is just a cute, harmless paper route. Whew. No! It's a serious business.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty. Sounds like a party. Goodbye.

Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets.

That planet was mined completely hollow.

They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender!

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Uh, me, too. I'm confused, Fry. I'm feeling a strange new emotion.

Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho! Time to get jolly on your naughty asses. Ho... ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Watch out! His belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerin. Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes. I had the professor analyze the Alienese letter that was found with you. What does it say? I dunno.

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

He was just a stupid bureaucrat. A stupid, paper-pushing bureaucrat. A stupid I-dotting, chair-squashing... (CLEARS THROAT) Oh. No offense, Hermes. You're not like that. I mean, you're exactly like that, but you're okay! In fact, I'm putting you on the do-not-kill list.

And so, I set sail for unknown shores. Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez.

So I told Leela "Your request for a date is most flattering "but I must decline. "These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife." That's a good one. But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job.

With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman. Oh! Oh. So... how's business? Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore?

And we rap about our problems. Like, my aunt's neighbor is a hoarder. Stack of magazines fell on her cat. It's hard, you know? Yo, you're not alone.

Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically." You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here.

Let Claw Plock begin! Ow!

I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe. Now it's personal.

Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity.

Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah! Mmm.

Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

Wow! It's the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I never should have thrown out the manual. Bender, you didn't have to come down here. I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much. He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous.

"To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

Let my people stay!

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Come on, everyone, let's take Bender to the teen center to learn about the bots and the bees!

We pollute too much! We're destroyin' the world and killin' the turtles! To hell with the turtles! No one insults the turtles! Oh, mercy. Come on, you!

That means I also take after you. Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor. Lay it on us, big boots. If the Smell-A-Scope can pick up the professor's odor we may have a chance to save him. I think not. As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel

Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself. Does that dummy have a brother?

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on. (SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with.

and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Fender. Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box?

My tummy hurts.

Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty?

Halt! (ALL EXCLAIM) Who said that? All I see are a bunch of vertical line segments. We are the Lords of Flatbush. Come. The king has declared a feast in your honor. Wow. How did he even know we're here? 'Cause I'm him. Let's eat.

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man.

And don't try anything. This glass here is laser-proof. Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

(LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. (SCREAMS IN PAIN) Don't mess with Blind Joe. Nothing get past his sense of smell.

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

Daddy! Don't let her take me! Get your lack of hands off my boy! You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child! Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still less unfitter than you. Says who? Says this document you gave me when you tried to abandon Ben first! (GRUNTS)

(WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move. Powder, please.

What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it.

All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo.

Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender--

It's so delicious you'll eat until you explode. Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell.

The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it.

Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots. Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! We've come a long way, baby.

What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one.

Dude, my hands are huge. They can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait.

With a twist. (ALL GASPING) Oh, no. The firing tie. Correct. I will be evaluating each of you, and the lowest-rated employee, possibly Zoidberg, will be fired at sundown. Zoidberg. (LAUGHING) Classic Hermes.

Hey, anyone want to go to the aquarium? They got a new non-biting otter. Sounds great! Non-biting otter!

I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it. Who else has a question for the what-if machine? Scruffy? Fry?

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.

What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms.

Nice job smacking Kif. Dude had it coming. Wait. (SNIFFS) I think I smell Nectar. Way ahead of you! (GULPING)

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby!

and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute.

I direct your attention to these forms... which I'm presently engaged in handing to you. Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company! Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park,

Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied, I hate you. Hey, fellas... Whoa! Okay, now I'm mad.

There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah.

Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one! Oh. Ah, man!

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four,

must have found my nuclear pile! Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia!

That would be best. Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close.

You said you would replace them a year ago. You can't expect me to honor what Year-Ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish.

In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds-- The Gender Bender! Boo!

Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying. A toast to Leela.

Forget it, Zookeeper. You're going into captivity. Fool! A quip about putting me behind bars... would've been far more delicious. Here. Catch. No, Fry! You can't fall fast enough! I got it! I got it! I don't got it!

I must lay down the law about Lrrr's low-sodium diet. You've got to tell her the truth. And lay off the salted peanuts! I'm just trying to get the leg taste out of my mouth. Lrrr! I'm in here now, not out there! Give me a little time. With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse.

Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand. That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love." Wow. This is all so confusing. Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this?

Get him! My thong!

People of New New York take a lesson from the 20th century-- stop all this pain-in-the-ass recycling and throw your garbage on the floor. Go ahead, just chuck it any old place like I used to. Your city is counting on you.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy. Why am I the only one whining? All personnel, report to the laboratory. I've discovered the source of the music.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman!

Hmm. This may seem like a huge coincidence, but I happen to have an in with that whale. Scruffy's formulated a plan, but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish. Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through! Okay. Yeah. Mmm!

but I couldn't do that to the professor. I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah.

Cheaty? (GUNS COCKING) Now, gentlemen, I'm sure we can... Well, then. I'll just collect my winnings and be on my... Oh! Much obliged.

I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human. All right, all right, spare me your life story. Now, what seems to be the trouble?

Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad!

the kind against me.

Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern. "These unique rock formations "were created over millions of years by mineral-rich water, "dripping from pores in the ceiling. "Dripping and dripping, year upon year, "century upon century..."

Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it.

Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful-- Wait. Recently? Like since you ate that toilet sandwich? Yeah. I don't know why, but my life really turned around that day. Stay here.

Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying? All right! (MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk?

You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah!

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

Cruel fate, I'm dead. They're putting me in my Sunday suit and shoving me in a wooden box. Now they're lowering me into the cold, cold ground. Hello, here come the worms. (LAUGHING) If you were really dead, you wouldn't be laughing so hard.

(DINGING) Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man!

there will be no more fresh water on Earth. No! What will I mix with my scotch?

How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury.

I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board,

Oh, my God! Listen up, history's greatest villains. Get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting. Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!

(BURPS) She's a nervous wreck!

(SPLASHING) Ew! Kif, did you yack on the floor? Yes, I did.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Stop it, you hero! Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now. (MIMICKING KISSING)

Sir, the alarm. - I think I better... - Shh! Don't talk. just go. We are now in position above Spheron One. This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Bust it

Wake up, my king.

Aw! It's been a thousand years since I had this. - Can I lick the beaters? - Well, sure. Just let me unplug it before you... (MUFFLED SCREAM) Mmm. Dear God. He's not looking for the melody at all.

Oh! Scandalous!

It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING) When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice.

All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go.

There's all kinds of robots down there. Yeah. Doing crap work. They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise.

Whoo-whooooo! Waaah!

Nah. Now, that I like for some reason.

I am honored and humbled to stand before you tonight as your next president. Together, we will... Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected, the robot uprising didn't happen and Travers never got sent back from the future.

Only one house to go. We did it! Run away! That bully Brett Blob lives there! He's ugly mean stupid stink mucus! And last week we sort of broke his window.

Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew!

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonight. Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race! But first, this news from Tinseltown. Following Antonio Calculon jr.'s breakdown on the set,

Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here. Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with.

What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me. As a forgotten relic, they remember me. Bah! It's better to die now.

My birthplace. It's closed! There's not even a shrine to me. With a gift shop, selling pinatas of me! End of the line, man. Come on, we can still catch a twi-night double cockfight. No, wait! What's that in the Mexican garbage? Looks like a half-eaten cheese diaper. No, next to that.

Anyway... Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

(BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow! (DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous!

Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage? No! Yes! I don't know!

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted!

Don't mind me. I'm just saving you the trouble of throwing me away. Spleesh! Mel out, Bender. Come watch some TV. I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out.

We're out of control! We're heading straight into the electric field. What's happening? I feel weird. Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic!

Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave. Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself.

That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety. I would never abandon a helpless animal. You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon.

This seems the logical place for fish to congregate. So, we're in international waters?

If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice. Boy, I've never seen him so down... or ever before.

Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy.

robots were forced to do all the menial labor. Before long, they rose up in revolt...

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone.

(CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents.

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me! So are you gonna fertilize my eggs now? Already taken care of.

I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting! The kids have got to go.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves.

Oh, this is all my fault! That's awful, Professor. Especially the making out part. Yeah. I didn't need to hear that. All modern robots descend from my original smog-blasting designs, and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame.

Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second?

johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

Let's see if this actually works.

And why does our space pilot have only one eye?

There's the atom! Aw, geez. Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker.

Ah, those things cost more lives than they save. - Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet.

That not important. She all-knowing.

Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks. Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos? Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here.

The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates! Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said!

I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes. Just deliver the package, and let's get out of here. Screw that! I ain't no delivery boy. I'm the company chef. You're the chef, are you? Then why don't you make us something nice to eat? (GRUMBLING)

I'll never see Hermes again. On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again. There, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat. It better be spicy.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all.

Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

they could only communicate through motions. Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance. But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now.

I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack.

Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy! I know it them, 'cause they no use good grammar.

Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves. Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING) What happened? Did I break the button? I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

Sorry I'm tardy, old bean. I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in! This is unbelievable. I thought you were a furry little moron, but here you are flying an adorable spaceship.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face!

Really? No, that's not necessary. Hit it, Bender! Bend it, bend it Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit

Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!

I'm all scuttled out. Wha-- My planet's embassy?

The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger.

Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

"A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus. I'm sorry, but penmanship counts. I swear I'll have my revenge if it takes me a hundred years.

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Yep, my good friend Big Something here.

What do you say we split a free drink at the robo bar? They've got unlimited pretzels. Put a little peanut butter on there, they really fill you up. Well, it has been a while. Is it okay with you, Fry?

(GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

I may be just a backwoods septic tank,

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of,

We must summon Zagtar, defender of space! You forget. Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil! LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant,

Shut up, God! Beg pardon? I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa!

Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea.

Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you.

What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals, safely releasing the toxins into our air and drinking water.

Mmm. You like holdin' me, don't you? Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one-- Behold, the one commandment.

Goulash? No! Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue. What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me. Big deal. Looks change.

And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves.

Everybody enjoy their dinner? God, yes, Elzar! Well, I sure enjoyed cooking for you and to make everything completely square I want you to have these complimentary after-dinner chocolates. What's this under the chocolates?

To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky. DR. ZOIDBERG: I always come in stinky. LEELA: Stand by. The competition's about to begin. Oh! Hold your fire until Calculon's performance weakens the ego. Roger. Stinky over. Whoof! I beg to differ.

I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

Superstitious robot mumbo jumbo. Mumbo, perhaps; jumbo, perhaps not. With all your modern science are you any closer to understanding the mystery of how a robot walks or talks? Yes, you idiot. The circuit diagram is right here on the inside of your case.

Incoming yucky.

If we could use that field to generate electric current, we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on. Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats.

We're not cattle, we're human beings. You're human beings? Good Lord, you can't go on this delivery. Humans are forbidden on the Planet of the Primates! Okay, then. See you in a week! Buh-bye! Bender, since you're not human, you can still go. And, Zoidberg, you can replace Fry.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun.

He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

Dr. Zoidberg, are you okay? He's dead. He always seemed so full of life-- laughing, singing, begging for scraps. And now this. Why with all the crying?

of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one. I can so relate to that.

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough? Now keep drilling for that petroleum oil, you selfish cowards. Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we?

(SOFT JINGLE PLAYING) Is that it? Oh, no, it's just that ice cream truck that almost ran me over. (SCREAMS) (GASPS) Sorry, everyone, no luck yet. (YAWNS) And I could really use some coffee.

If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. I love you, buddy.

No, Fry! You can't fall fast enough! I got it! I got it! I don't got it! You saved the Gemerald! Yet the Zookeeper escaped, thus proving that the deadliest animal of all...

It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on. I'll take care of this.

Ah... Yes, I'd like an engagement diamond, please? You come to the right joint, ace. I'll take this one. Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants.

I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo. Fry, this isn't healthy; you're living in the past. I'm rich. I can live whenever I want. But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000. Yeah.

Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move!

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet. (COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it.

Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back.

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

Let me get my butterfly hammer. Bender, no. That park ranger explicitly gave us a vague warning. Look, the hammer's already out, I got to smash something. (GROWLING)

We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky. It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies,"

(IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education, my parents moved us to a peaceful farm.

But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my...

Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness.

(SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

I did do the nasty in the past-y.

Is that better?

Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night.

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

You'll pay for every crime Knee-deep in electric slime You'll suffer till the end of time Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme Trapped forever here in robot hell.

I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers.

16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

Also, who are you? I'm in love with you! And I don't care what he thinks. Here, I brought you something. Hurray! We're three friends at the beach! Wait, what's happening, friend?

What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.

(FRUSTRATED CRY) Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time?

Can you believe it? Pharaoh's dead! Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm. Yeah! Play those bongos.

This seems the logical place for fish to congregate. So, we're in international waters? Indeed so. Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested. Hey, guess what you're accessories to.

Yay! And the crowd goes wild! What prize do I get, cash? Hey, look at Nibbler! Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented. You call that talent?

I couldn't tell her the truth. Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what?

Well done, Amy. I'm honored to begrudgingly present you with your Ph.D. in applied physics. Also, some kind of sportsmanship award I had in my glove compartment. Yay! I'm finally done with school! How's the job market?

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

See that waitress there? Yowzah! I know what I want for dessert. That's my fiancÉe, Mildred. Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top.

Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter. - Scram, shiny! - (GRUNTS)

Leela, I would be honored. Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation I've ever seen.

I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this. Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about.

I'm gonna have to shut down your brain. Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela. Hah! That barely hurt Leela at all.

but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception. Yeah, and you better get rid of whatever's causing it or we're out of this dump. Relax, Sonny. This cajigger'll find the source of the interference.

Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies."

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't.

Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels! (GASPS) You don't mean... Oh, but I do.

And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy.

Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good. Fry, distract him! Hey, Project Satan, over here! I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points!

You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls.

Yo, yo, Ba-zender, what up? My dumping business is booming. I just got hired to clean up the set of Free Willy iii.

Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears. Enough with the feelings, you two. If we're going to cure Bender, we've got to go back to the castle and hunt down the original were-car.

unless you somehow can cross the great Alkali Plains and reach shelter in the Cave of Harmony. That sounds hard. Whichever gender reaches the cave will survive.

Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa!

Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind. Well, anyway, just remember that people care about you. I know. Sometimes, when I'm lonely, I look up at the sky, and I get this feeling...

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico.

I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes.

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Leela, you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to relieve you of your post. On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig.

I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't.

Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks. Help me! For God's sake, help me! Oh, don't worry, Fry. I, too, once spent a nightmarish time in a robot asylum.

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment.

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria.

Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser!

You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza.

It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade. Why, when I was a boy, we had a parade every day. Those were dark times. Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with.

No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll!

the head of Walter Cronkite. Season's warnings, Linda and Morbo. This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle? In all the tinsel and terror of the holiday season, we too often underestimate that murderous brute... better known as Santa Claus.

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance. (LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away.

So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor.

My scrapes feel a little better now.

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS)

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag.

Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out.

Oh, God! No! I want to live!

Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh!

Damn the expense! My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror. Phew. For, you see, you are a were-car. A were-car?

Oh, geez, what a night. Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization.

Flexo! Get him!

Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is. Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo. Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort?

What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader?

Bender's got the upper hand now.

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page. Looks like society's runnin' pretty well without my meddling-- D-Doh!

(COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly.

But your parents are gross sewer mutants. Ow!

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on.

(WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof.

Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender?

Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference? Sure. I just like TV better.

Well, time for this robot to get back to work.

Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me.

short-circuited the robo-dinosaurs. Convenient. Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe. Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit. Wait a moment. If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos,

Oh, my God! What in Babylon?

BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING)

I could beg everyone at the company where I work. Awesome. Awesome to the max!

Now can we have our pizza? You'll get your damn pizza, you parasite! First, let's see if my Nanobots have purified the water yet. (EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father. But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex.

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake. Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on.

That is some freaky bug-on-bug action. I feel a little left out.

No! What will I mix with my scotch? (SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda.

I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform.

He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk. You should try homeopathic medicine, Bender. Take some zinc. I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day? We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

This is for you. A pogo stick. As for the rest of you I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts. Yeah? Well, I don't believe in Santa Claus. Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you.

Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow! NO-O-O-o!

Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha-- You heard me! In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil. Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart. And you all do the same.

All glory to the hypno-toad. Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone!

It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie?

(LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel.

My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights.

to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

I've got everything I want right here. I'm bored! Let's go.

I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him.

Our republic and the Farnsworth family name are saved. And no one will ever know. (CHUCKLES) BENDER: Yeah.

Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like...

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass!

Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk!

(SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly.

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Shh!

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened. Guys! You'll never believe what happened!

Freedom, freedom, freedom

pre-life! Then death. I've got to stop this reverse aging...

There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod. I do love a man in uniform. (CLEARS THROAT) I mean, a uniform that doesn't involve short pants. (SIGHS) I can see I have no future here.

Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

Should we turn on the TV? Nah. (COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds.

What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises.

(CHITTERING) Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS) Well? What did you get on Travers? Is he a draft dodger? Sex offender? Sex dodger? Nada. He's clean. I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers.

I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets. Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back. I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

I see by your curriculum vitae that you're a Sagittarius. KATZ: And Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell. MALE VOICE: The cow says... (MOOING) He proved that 50 years ago, and he's been coasting on it ever since. I am the esteemed Professor Morris Katz, and you are wasting my time.

I chucked the professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

I killed one person on impulse. Then I had to kill another and another. Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk...

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it.

Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. That's sweet, Hermes. Maybe I should get an extendo-arm. How long will it take to install an extendo-arm? I have golf game in half-hour, so half-hour.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? To have parents. Whatever. The correct answer is to be a superhero. We have superpowers, and we're Americans. This is our chance. Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence.

- (STEAM HISSES) - (EXCLAIMS) He heard you! Oh, please. It's probably just the carbonite thawing slightly. Take him down to processing while I stay here and get hooted at.

Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry?

Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why? Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow!

Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present.

What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how.

Good evening. I'm George Takei's head and neck, your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I...

You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery. You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal.

It's on. (GRUNTS)

But that's my idea. You are an evil, evil nerd. Gedgie out. We'll show him who's stupid. (COUGHING) (COUGHING) And we can build this dream together

Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching? I get New Orleans on this thing, you know. Don't kill us! Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox.

What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them. Insanity plea is accepted.

Shatner's log: air date, unknown.

I find the defendants guilty.

Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

bend me, Shape me anyway you want me long As you love me it's all right Bend me, Shape me anyway you want me My new bent outlook has completely reenergized me.

Of course, that's just for starters. Bender, are you all right? No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.

(KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING)

Now we'll never beat Jupiter State. My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky! What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum.

This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm... fry, throw in the towel.

Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

Odor at magnitude eight.

Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers. Really? Yep. My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once. It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you.

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired!

You mean Doohan?

that I might be remember-ed for all eternity! And be quick about it! Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death.

Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat.

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo. We've got to get the old Bender back. And I think I know a way to do it. We have to reacquaint him with a little thing called sleaze.

Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face.

and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip?

He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup? Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly.

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem? Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts!

- Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING) Ah... Nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning. (CRASHING) Marianne?

Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage! Professor, I'll take care of that waste for $499 and 100 cents. Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience.

I've never seen a supernova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova, it'll light up the night sky. Yeah! Anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. - Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay.

Hey, Fishy, I've been meaning to write you about your in-store kiddie parks. The slides won't support an adult robot. Good point. Not interested. But these Popplers, these are great.

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome. Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation.

Why does my foot hurt? Won't you come in?

Look at me! If we do, will you stop talking about the process? Never. Behold!

It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion. I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel. Actually, through the miracle of science that can be arranged. Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

Oh. That's a little bright.

Is there any chance of cross-contamination? No.

Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent.

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that.

Possibly his vile lizard tongue.

Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas? Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

For the first millisecond of time, things were okay, but then there arose a terrible enemy-- the Brain Spawn.

I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo.

That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass!

Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up would cause garbage to rain over the entire planet killing billions.

Aw, yeah! Yum, yum, yum. Uh-oh. Look at me.

We will not give in to the thinkers!

Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist.

Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset. And if my answer's no?

Quiet, you. As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Think of it-- ten billion robots each one needing an oil change every 3,000 miles.

Whoo! Yeah! Whoa!

Guys! Guys! There's something on television.

Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy...

You rotten kids! - Uh, will you be hiring? - No. You rotten kids!

And now, Chairman koji will present... the theme ingredient to be used in every dish today. If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

Affirmative. I feel nothing. I am a robot. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

have achieved victory over the spider home world. And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure. Mmm! My fellow Earthicans,

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor.

(SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me!

We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert. Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it.

Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down?

(WHIMPERING) (TRAIN HONKING)

Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk!

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows!

Come on, number six! Move it! Don't do that! What are you-- Man, it's contagious. And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack!

I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed!

Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar.

- Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

(GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong.

Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet. What are your thoughts on this momentous occasion, Your Neutralness? I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

(CATS YOWLING) You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him. Oh, man, I had no idea. If only I knew where he was, I'd go talk to him. Oh, stupid TV. Bender.

I just made love for the second time."

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

like a billion video cameras in the woods and see if he walks by one? Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express.

A sexy mistake.

Leela! You're alive!

Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first--

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire.

Ah, again with the orphanarium.

Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute. Sold! Yes! I just don't get it.

Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

(ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig.

(CLEARS THROAT) Yuri here runs the most sanitary surgical implant parlor in Filthytown.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

We're going to die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela!

Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess. This is your secret plan? Meh! Heat-seeking missiles are useless against...

Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women! Oh! Thank God I got you off that dangerous army base.

That's crazy. Yes. So crazy that it must be true. Each midnight, when your clock resets to zero your hardware reconfigures into a murderous four-wheeled car. I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it.

Exactly as naughty! I saw that! Huh? We brought you mail. Don't you ever knock? Who knows what naughty things I could be watching?

Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building?

What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might.

And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible.

He already survived in the vacuum of my mom. I mean, my mom's vacuum.

What's the point of Xmas when everyone you know died a thousand years ago? I'm the loneliest person on Earth.

Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency,

You, a bobsledder? That I'd like to see. Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders.

I'm done siphoning out the grease trap. I think I need a mint. So, uh, what job do I move up to? Pastry chef? Saucier? Soup guy? Bam! Yeah... bam yourself.

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

I still don't get what the big attraction is.

Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey. Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat.

Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan!

Ah, Wade Boggs. Goes down smooth. Look, I don't wanna be in this exhibit. That's why I need your help-- so I can be one tiny iota less pathetic than you. Oh, I can't help you play better than Tiny Iota. That guy was great. But I'll teach you everything I know.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard?

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here.

Human families need a TV while they're eating, so they don't have to talk to each other.

There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

I got to go with Bender.

You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion.

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

What's that? Speak up, son. Don't look at me. You're invading him. I just wanted to know... Well, I'm here to invade your planet? (LAUGHS) - What a cute little... - (WEAPON COCKS) Uh-oh.

Ow! What was that? Oh, my God. We're heading straight into a black hole. Talk about a mood killer. Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start.

Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing! You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word.

LEELA: But sometimes opposites attract,

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

A test! I demand a test!

Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

I like that there's no catch this time. But, wait. There's a catch. Crap! If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell.

Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

I know. He showed me the commemorative painting. What? Look, sweetie, I get it. You're jealous because Zapp likes me now and not you. But don't worry, this isn't a competition. Although he did say I'm a better kisser. I am not jealous. Also... Yuck!

I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down. Yeah, thanks to this dope. (GASPS) Fry did it?

You have saved your planet from becoming a lifeless ball of fire. You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh! Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't...

If we don't do something, Mom's going to marry Zapp Brannigan. So? He seems like a nice kahuna. Dad, stop being so mellow. Leela, honey, chill out. You got to take the good with the gnarly. Speaking of which, time for me to shoot the IHOP dessert curl. Ugh!

Aw, yeah. I promise things will be different, Son. From now on, I'm chaining you to a radiator. I'm amazed someone who dispenses such warm soda could be so coldhearted! I'm gonna buy a drink just so I can throw it in your face!

It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela!

Planet Express. Our crew is replaceable, your package isn't. Are there really giant birds like that? No, no, that was all just special effects. Now, let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.

(TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it.

And there's Professor Moriarty! Jack the Ripper! Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style. Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd.

Cut! Cut it! Ech! Yuck! Look. It's all right, kid. We'll get it in editing. All right. That's a wrap, everybody. I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is? Well, editing is a long and expensive process, but we spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday.

(ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not. Give it up! All right! Take it. Sheesh.

Well, at least now you can pay off your loan shark. Yeah, right, what's he going to do, break my legs?

You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats.

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms. Of course!

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Duh, duh, duh! They went this way! Quick! In there! Huh?

It might drive him insane He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy. My condolences, LaBarbara.

Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me. Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right?

Man, it would have been so much easier to kill it in the cage. (SOUNDS HORN) Let the hunt begin.

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman! It costs a little more, but it's worth it.

We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball.

People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet.

So, where are we going anyway? Nowhere special-- The Moon. The Moo-- The Moon? The Moon Moon?

Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say? Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship!

but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession. There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, it's business. (MARITIME FOLK MUSIC)

Is that you, Borax Kid? I've got your 50 bucks.

(HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone.

But we couldn't handle 'em, so we started dumping the extras in a crater on the moon! And now everybody's yelling at us about their missing papers. And we don't know what to do! - Er, ohh. - Ohh. Why did you boys do all this?

(SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING)

The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick. Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid.

Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no.

Psst. Is the coast clear?

I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to.

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

Hmm? Time out! Time out!

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough.

How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

You see, the telescope is also an amplifying transmitter. Sorta like a giant karaoke machine? Not really. Would you like to see our giant karaoke machine? Not really.

And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship... where they would be no Tribble at all. All power to the engines. As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power.

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine.

'Twill truly be my finest Xmas ever. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMING) That's what my poll numbers need. Happy voters enjoying some holiday cheer.

(MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING) The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam.

Hey... These are mighty tasty. Thank you. I made them myself. Shh. The wedding's about to start.

You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount.

No, and you don't need to see this. AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! (HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it.

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope.

and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not.

I'm not Bender. I'm Fry. Really? I thought you were the robot. Nope, human.

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend. - Isn't he dreamy? - Totally. Uh, listen. I just want you all to know, your Leela's one standard lady. Oh, Adlai! Stop. What's so wonderful about Leela being normal?

Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY) (ALL PANTING)

- Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it! Well, actually, they're-- Morris, shh!

Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer?

(STRUMS OFF TUNE) So how's it going with the real-world experience? Have you found a railroad man to write a song about? Yep, my good friend Big Something here. Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man, and there ain't much more to say about me.

I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little...

My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads.

To equip Pharaoh for his journey, we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver... and the many goods he left in his royal garage. Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

Why are you wasting time on a creature of inferior intelligence? Hey, he was smart. He could fetch. I can fetch! He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

(GASPS) Your dad must be Lrrr! BOTH: "Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8." (BOTH LAUGH)

The time has come for the final test. We usually call it the lightning round. As you may have noticed, it's getting hotter here. It's nice. Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat? Tomorrow morning, this planet makes its closest pass to the sun. You will all be boiled alive, like retired circus animals,

Lady and gentleman, how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone!

Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way.

Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school... if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian!

Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

The two of you are... good friends? But I thought we would be... good friends. Well, let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell.

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... Four seconds? GUARD: Who goes there? Three, two, one. (IN FEMALE VOICE) Hello, big boy. (IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC) Silence! I am Basil,

She'll never know we're her parents. That's our gift to her. Better we should die than have her learn the shameful truth of her origin. I'm with ya. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer! Free...

Next, assume my social obligations. Dr. Zenus, for a lifetime of scientific achievement, we present this award to your robot.

Honey unit, I'm home.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch.

I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter. Want to watch? Not really, but I will.

You felt somethin' for me tonight. And by "me" I mean Flexo. Hey, look, I had fun, but-- - But? - But-- Bu-u-u-t? But--

Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up. His name is Helper, and he's eager to be your new best friend. Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really?

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again!

Mm-mmm. Not until you blow something up. Aww, man. Uh... Just pick something and blow it up so I can get home in time for The Finder Outer. Oh...

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet! Snake eyes. Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter. Ah.

Move over, God! Prepare for rebirth!

How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me. Geez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with. (BELL DINGING)

My God! He's gonna do it! Everyone, seat belts to maximum buckling!

My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments." You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff and junk.

(BOTH WAILING) (BABY CRYING)

We want our TV back. There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy.

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender.

I am your friend... Bonder.

I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like. All right!

Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor. It's someone in whom I have great faith even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing. My closest living relative... Oh, yeah. My clone-- Qbert Farnsworth.

Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

Come on, come on! Hey, Leela, how 'bout a kiss for good luck? I meant tongue luck. Oww! Oww! Oww! And the winner is number four, Steven! Ohh! I am so unlucky. I've run over black cats that were luckier than me. Get your pipin' hot horseburgers,

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special-- Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that. You hurt his feelings.

Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord? Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know?

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are!

Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm.

As a friend. Damn.

(GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

(ALARM WAILING) FARNSWORTH: Planet Express crew, report to headquarters immediately! Repeat, what I just said, immediately! Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS)

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo!

But your parents still don't like me. Well, "gloviously."

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience.

Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you. What? It's full of fat guys in sandals.

Thanks, Leela, he just needed a little extra push. Come on, Fry, let's go home and... (BEEPING) Hold up, there's alcohol around here somewhere. My Tanqueraydar is going crazy.

Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less. The son, as it happens, is vice president.

"See through the eyes of a Bender unit." Fine. Hey, let me try it.

You broke my heart, Hubert. And you broke mine. Granted, that was four or five hearts ago. So, what have you been up to all these years? Oh, inventing. Sending delivery crews to their doom breeding atomic monsters. Honestly, Hubert. You and your atomic monsters.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome.

Aah! Hey-- Aah! Look, Daddy. I'm hugging God. Mm. Mm. Maybe if I hug him real hard, he'll save us from--

Fry? Wait. Allow me. Leela, my love, will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet.

(FRUSTRATED GRUNTING) Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens made from the debris of that diamondium comet.

To my loyal butler "You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go. Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing.

Don't you get it? I'm crazy! (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Go ahead! I don't care what happens anymore. Do it. Bash my head in. (COUGHS) Wha... What is that? Mustard gas?

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING) That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

I don't know, Fry. I think I'm too poor to follow a band around in a van. Come on. Move it. We gotta get to the concert... and make the audience wait for it to start.

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

(SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote. Very well. I shall comply. I'm getting reports that cities across the globe are being destroyed by this noble invader,

Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

Wow! Look at all this filth. It's not filth. It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century. Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No.

Aw, all right, I'll go, but so help me I'll hold a grudge against every last stinking one of you for the rest of your lives. Well, then it's settled. So long, everyone.

Brothers and sisters, let us pry. It's true! Saint James really was a robot. I bet he's up in robot heaven right now. So he won't miss his eyes.

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh! The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect... is a miracle. Oh, I don't have time for this!

Great work, Bender. You've taught us to hate humans all over again. Are you all right? Oh, yeah. Who are you? We are the robot elders.

Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional-- A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher. It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles. That's funny. Careful, sir.

Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

And the winner is-- And the winner-- instead of any of the nominees--

Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care

RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but...

It's the violentest season of the year When Kringle-bot come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel

Now then, as you all know, the county fair is approaching once again, so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado.

Whoa, whoa. One step at a time. I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters.

Okay. Take it easy. Well, here's your lousy Gemerald. Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary. Our transaction is complete. Come, Solomon, to the lair!

Next! - Dear Lord-- - Oh, next! Oh, Danny boy Ohh! Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was. Yes, there is, Bender.

you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him.

Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story.

It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste. Guenter! You're alive. I guess the hat must have broke my fall. It seems to be working at only half capacity but I can fix it.

But we didn't have an adventure. This is a delivery company. We need less adventures, not more adventures.

What have we here? I'm a Pisces. And you?

But you never wore your ring. I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal.

for a wobbly C.D. rack and some of those rancid meatballs. Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute?

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

There, little friend. Good as new.

Aha! A new will naming... you as his sole heir! That doesn't prove I killed him. It's a video will. It shows you killing him.

It's not just safe, it's 40% safe.

Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done? I'll tell you what I've done. I've brought your husband back.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids.

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned.

Professor Farnsworth. Do you know why we've called you here today? Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse.

Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet.

Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

Cop Department will return after these messages. Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Shut up and get to the point! Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000.

Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action.

Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale. Damn that Bermuda Tetrahedron. It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right?

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers?

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at. A wise woman, indeed.

Then dump his one-eyed ass.

Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way.

Kiff, we have a conundrum.

What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

Thanks. Well, well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly erotic date. Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry.

You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me!

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular. Ow! Where are we? And why is the Slurm pouring into this sewer?

Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum.

Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull!

Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead! It's booby-trapped!

Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure? Look out.

Case dismissed! Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you?

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I've paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl. Wow. Not on the same channel, of course.

Help! I can't swim! Oh...

What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all. Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or not, but I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people... who just wanna kill for fun. Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there.

Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue. Are you familiar with this particular location? I may have a burgling familiarity with it. Does the word "Maltese" mean anything to you?

Well, Big Caboose was a steel-drivin' son of a gun Till a bad-hearted woman he spied But, Bender, I never spied no bad-hearted woman. In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel.

(CRYING) What the...

Edna. Edna, it's me, Zoidberg. Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor.

But did you have to make the costume so revealing?

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the--

I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other Than their literal intention Now that is irony I will marry her now and confine her to hell

What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed! Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS) If I can't bring down Farnsworth,

(LEELA GRUNTING) Amy, run! Quit telling me what to do. (GRUNTS) (ALIEN GROANING) - Now will you run? Okay. Do something, Fry!

You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy! I'm having a poker game tonight with some friends from my old cryogenics job. You guys interested? I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in! Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available. We're playing poker.

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

Hey, no fair. Ocupado.

We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with.

(MOSQUITOES WHINING)

We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

...pause! We're going to Hollywood!

Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit!

There it is. Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so.

Mmm. The ingredients are cooked, and they've picked up some of your natural robot flavorings. Time to add the yeast. Yeast? You mean, I'll have a life-form growing inside me?

Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing.

Exciting news, people!

Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography.

there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years.

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING)

Go on. Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats. Professor Katz, would you mind...

Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I-- And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no!

I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet!

I'll have a thorax and some feelers. You want some salad with that? Yuck!

Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing.

there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over.

Death to the 1-X robots!

Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome! Lucky. Well, someone's in a good mode.

Hey, Captain Yesterday! Can I, like, wail on you... with this two-by-four and it doesn't hurt ya? Ow! That didn't hurt.

Hello. I am Victor. And I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women. Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first.

Ho, ho-- Ow! Professor! Don't you remember what I told you? No!

Take it off or I'll break it off.

Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew! Attention, happening robots!

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission.

Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero! We are free and fairly sober With so many toys to build The machines are kinda tricky

(BOTH SCREAMING) (SQUEAKING) Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little... (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck!

Well, enjoy the Butterfly Preserve. Okay, bye.

And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground. Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years.

Ugh! Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do!

You can't do that. Over my dead body! Don't you get it, old man?

BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth? Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor. TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities,

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya. So far, so good. Where's Kif?

Leela? And the winner is Nerdgasma! Whoo! I got fruit boobs! (CHEERING) (SIGHS) What's the use?

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres. We now join America's most popular show already in progress-- Everybody loves Hypno-Toad!

Yeah. We're slowing down. Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler. Who wants Pop-Tarts?

Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid.

We got some big deliveries coming up, so... Your attention, please.

(ALL CHEERING) Kill-check two is go. CROWD: Ooh!

Oh-ho! I've got you now.

NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

I can't believe he really did it. (SNIFFLES) At least he died knowing I was great. (CHOKES) (GROANS)

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it.

I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories. But so help me, this year everyone will hate it as much as I do. Someday I want to marry a girl like her. Hello, everyone.

That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent--

Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then? It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window. I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff...

Oily humanoid. At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer,

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender.

Gambling's wrong and so is cheating

My first mission. I'm so excited.

No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk!

Ah... Too bad it didn't work out with Mom, Professor. Yes, but I'll always love her in my own subtle way. Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom! Love Mom!

Ooh. Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie? Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion.

Oh, yeah? Well, what if I don't let the new guy win? Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death!

I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow. You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe. And when you create a parallel universe,

Why are you yokels doing this? I may be just a backwoods septic tank, but I've had it up to here with you foreigners. But I come from Earth. Then show us your Earth whatchacallit. Long-form certificate of live birth. (SIGHS) What would it take to convince you people?

It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS)

Shut your fat mouth.

Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead! It's booby-trapped!

(GASPING) (ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, where's the fire this time? Here. Where? Here! Literally, here!

The important thing is that we don't panic. There are rules for situations like this.

As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right?

I, meanwhile, returned to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth again come under brain attack. And when that day comes, God help us. God help us all. Time for a diapie change! End transmission.

Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross? The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000. Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head?

an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips. You can count on us, Mr. Mayor! justice away! Hold the elevator!

Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys! (ZAPPING) What was I crying about? Oh, we were just cuttin' onions, honey. Let's keep going.

Quiet, you. As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil.

Yes. Lots. (SOBBING) Nurse Amy, the anesthesia. Smell you later.

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency. Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream.

(CRYING) I want to go home! But Ndnd would never take me back now. Ndnd just wants what every she-beast wants, to feel like you're listening to her nagging. Is there anything she's been riding your ass about? Conquering things, I guess. I could conquer Earth, kill all humans.

COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete. Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera. Brace for emergency landing!

Yeah, thanks, but it's hopeless. I'll never be a musician now. Or maybe... You'll be the best musician ever. What's this for?

I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done. One diet double martini, please. And for you, sir? I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple."

You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming.

Wait... you're the only friend I have.

he actually stole my blood! But still-- I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No.

Right? Am I right? Oh, yeah, he's right. Fry, I have to talk to you. You're in terrible danger. You see Emperor Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug.

Now I am the most important doctor at the delivery company where I work. But sadly, my life is bereft of laughter. "I beg of you, Mr. Funny Uncle. Teach me the comedy business. Sincerely, Zoidberg." Oh, isn't that nice he took the time? What's that scribble-di-gook?

One, two. One, two, three!

Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it!

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time.

Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again.

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that...

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow!

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees.

Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! I tell you, being here really takes me back to my college days.

That's right, thanks to Ed Begley, jr.'s electric motor the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace.

Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car.

You want to play fetch.

Surprisingly dull so far. Bubblegum, the Trotters are down by six. Reactions? It was always our plan to trail at the half, thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation.

What is that? Some kind of time button? Exactly. If she says yes, I'll use it to make the sunset last as long as we want. Strange things happen when the shadows lengthen. WOMAN: (ON INTERCOM) Janitor to the 237th floor men's room.

I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability. But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.

We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but...

But should she ever institute some sort of bare-bottom spanking policy let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed. Hey, this guy's all right. Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man.

As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us. We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten.

The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Okay, deep breath, deep breath. Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss.

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found.

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby?

I've not much money but I've saved my pennies all year for a gift for Mom. Upsy-daisy. Oh. Oh...

so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet.

A gold doubloon to the man who first spies the white whale. Big whale over there! Arr! I saw it first.

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me! Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older!

On the whole, Earth's society is worthless. But they do have these things called antique rugs that are great for peeing on. (RUMBLING) (GROANING)

Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help. The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery! I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world.

Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just... Oh, my.

This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig. What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker!

Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something.

and you said I'd probably crap my pants? Well... Excuse me, sir?

Finally, in 2052, the city used its mob connections to obtain a rocket and launch the garbage into outer space. Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing.

I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Course, it was tough love--

Edna! Ew! My God!

What are you selling? Popplers?

Yea, Shankman! It costs a little more, but it's worth it. Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

I'm worried. It shouldn't take this long to get to second base. Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life. Anything is possible in science. Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork.

Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes. Listen, hon we don't want to look like slobs in front of the other species, do we? No. So get to work on these dishes. Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see. Look, Alcazar... Call me Al.

This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

(WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel.

You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse-installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.

Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library. No. Pubic Library.

Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No. Well, Rudy, how do you like this action?

What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs.

Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine.

Now, when you say "special--"

If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information,

Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie? You've served me well these 40 years, but this time, I've got to party alone. But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go.

Mutants! They're real. I'll take care of this. Back. Back. Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless.

Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski.

Ugh. Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys. I'm on loan from the Louvre.

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day. Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook?

Call me a booger blaster. I'll blast a booger so hard that-- Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney. You've changed, Fry. What? I haven't changed.

Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me? Because I don't want you touching that thing.

Neat! You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end. Yo, boss, not everything.

John, are you all right? You... You saved my life! Oh, fuff. Yes, fuff. How can I ever repay you? Do you need a slave? Or maybe a butler? No, I haven't needed a butler since grad school.

It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone.

In group, I learned that I tend to be a bit... Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard.

but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me. That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave.

Oh, my, adrift in deepest space with a vicious alien killer aboard! Any one of us could be next. Fry, Bender, Jackie Jr., Leela... (SNARLING) That took longer than I expected. Quick, into the ship's panic room!

Eyesight is for chumps. Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me. All right, look, our policy is if for any reason you're not completely satisfied,

Jump in and go for a swim.

Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason. NARRATOR: The isolated Galapagos Islands. A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. Home to dozens of species found nowhere else,

I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose. Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me?

Captain Fuzzy Toes reporting for duty. I mean, cutie. (ALL LAUGHING) My best friend died in that uniform. I hate that cat! If I had a spray bottle, I'd give him such a spritzing.

Howdy, chief. For my next bout, what do you say I fight these two bimbos in some mud? Actually, we've decided to go in a different direction. What if I told you we wouldn't be fighting in the conventional sense?

Death to the 1-X robots!

Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands. What do you want? I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking.

Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

This planet doesn't appreciate us anymore, Leonard. Bill, you are, and always shall be, my friend. But I just signed a six-month lease on my apartment. I can't walk away from a commitment like that. Farewell, my friend. Oh!

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened.

Please do not feed the animals!

followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender.

Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox. All right! Hooray! Uh-oh. I'm late for dinner with Leela. Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait?

The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life!

A common... A common cold? No, no! Ever since Fry first came to us, I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen.

I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far! Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol!

Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny.

Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second.

but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody.

Stand by for reincarnation.

And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler.

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you?

This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish?

Oh, there'll be lots more. Yes. Lots. (SOBBING) Nurse Amy, the anesthesia.

Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence-- the confidence to be your best. Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more...

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you.

Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

How many roads must a man walk down Before you-- Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger?

Not without our help. These security tapes record everything at Planet Express,

You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job.

Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no. Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently.

and accept only the lesser title of zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Also, it comes with double prize money. Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship.

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes!

The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!

Attention, job deserters! Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned.

It wasn't long ago our people were happy and prosperous but the eyeless Mole People of sub-terra Three grew jealous of our visual prowess. They Fired missiles in all directions hoping to hit Cyclopia. Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets hit was ours. How far away do you think it is?

"With my fiancÉ deceased "I hereby return "to my single female lawyer career no matter what any man says." "We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky." And... cut!

Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely.

Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon.

And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible?

just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am.

Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif!

Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows!

Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore.

The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up.

You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot! In answer to your question, Hermes. Yes, your friend is cured.

Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you?

Barf like a freshman!

Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow!

Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item?

Okay, boys. Let me show you how a "paperman" does it.

You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead!

Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom. Step aside. Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it. Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot.

Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?"

Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

And the winner is... Destructor! I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster. It sure was some fight. Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead.

(DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression. Let the bloodbath begin! That's my mama.

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things. Good! Because I've got 20 of them per cubic meter.

I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is.

I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry.

All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about. Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so.

Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING)

Flying bananas? Ha, ha. I will slice them on my morning fish porridge. This is no time for one of your jokes, Fry. I will tell you something that's no joke. I will lead the defense fight. (LAUGHS) Don't make me laugh. If we fight, we'll surely be destroyed. Then what is our only hope? We must summon Zagtar, defender of space! You forget.

Shh. The wedding's about to start. If anyone here objects to this union let them speak now or forever hold their... Is he objecting or backing up? Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is...

No way. Forget it. I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

Have a look downstairs. Your brother may be missing, but his crap sure isn't.

I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him!

One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please.

I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things. Wait a second. I'm getting an idea.

And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar?

(WHISPERS) You. (SLAP) FRY: Ow! (SLAP) (BENDER GROANS) (SLAPPING) (BOTH GROAN)

Of course. Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story,

(CLEARS THROAT) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

You can teach them how to surf, and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING) (GURGLING) (GIBBERING) (MIMICS GUNSHOT) I don't know. Would you come, too, sweetie? I can't. I have to keep an eye on Mom to make sure she and Zapp don't... (MIMICKING SIREN) (CHUGGING) Yee-haw!

Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious. Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business. Anyway, the time came for our first delivery.

All I got left is a colander and a pie pan. Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her. What I want to know is what is up between you and Bossy Boots here.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry!

You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me!

You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness.

What am I going to do? Uh, I can't stand to see a robot cry. Let's watch TV. And so, ladies and gentlemen I'm throwing my head into the ring. I'm announcing my candidacy for the presidency of Earth.

He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset,

Ah! The royal bottle is empty!

Wake up, buddy. End of the line. Gosh, my old neighborhood. Oh! That's the bench where I found some shirts! That fire hydrant-- In the summer we'd light on fire.

Balderdash! I never agreed to that! No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

(BOTH MOANING) Shake it, baby. Shake it like...

I'm as sad as an upside-down smile.

Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Oh, no, you probably don't!

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think!

(CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here.

Not in the hair, please. I just had it did.

Mom? Dad? I showed up! And I got the audio tour for "Treasures of Liberace's Tomb."

Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet.

I checked my list.

NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray. It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape.

Hey, that's my watch. I was wondering where I put that. Hey! Now I feel much better.

Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants. Your limbs will gradually transform into a slithering mass of tentacles. Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease? I'm afraid none.

I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot.

Then dump him back in the wild. He'll do fine. You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace, so I can finally and at long last...

What did you say to them? Eh... Just that Captain Brannigan confused the word for "congratulations" with the word for "spank your sister with bologna." Nicely squawked, madam.

You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends.

One, two! one, two, three!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out! (HOWLS) No! (NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Halt! Be you robot or human? Robot... we be. Uh, yep. just two robots out roboting it up. Eh? Administer the test.

You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing. The alien mother ship is in orbit here.

We can find out who they are through their motion-capture camera. It better not be those little Korean girls again. Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit,

Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood.

to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking. That's not even close to what I had in mind.

So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster... and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast.

Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. That'll be $10,000.

You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

Wernstrom! Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it.

Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man!

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here.

Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree? I asked you to leave me alone. The Farnsworths are a remarkable...

Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go--

Vodka with a sardine in it, please. In fact, vodka with a sardine all around!

Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care. Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop. Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry,

Welcome back. Our next guest... has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years. But apparently, my wife hasn't been listening. Oh, funny.

Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

Our crew is replaceable, your package isn't. Are there really giant birds like that? No, no, that was all just special effects.

Mercy me, what a day. Could you shut the door, igner, dear? I think I feel a draft coming on. Holy crap, that bastard's itchy. Walt, cream soda. Right away, Mother.

and monkeys and tarsiers and several lemurs. All primates, really. Hey, guys. We just stopped by to tell you we're taking some vacation days. No, you're not! You've got to go on this delivery! But we've earned these days off. We're not cattle, we're human beings.

Stop talking! You're getting cold! Please! I just paid off my car! No! I can't look.

I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky. It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies," "the wet willies," "the screaming moist..." We'll form a search party.

MAN: It's The Futurama Holiday Spectacular brought to you by... (READING) Ah, the Xmas season.

I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families.

Good point. Not interested.

- I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men.

where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be...

In this scene, you've just found out your real father... is Calculon's fourth evil identical "septuplet"-- Sleazy Martinez.

Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is. No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING)

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Now, what's going on there? History.

Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do!

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Any of you guys got a spaceship?

Not... I. Good night, sweet prince.

I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

But possibly yes.

Wait a second. All Benders are powered by alcohol! Of course.

I now present you with your royal unisex robe. Long live Fry the Solid! Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

Its primary purpose is to exterminate everyone who ever made me feel inferior! Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum! (ALL LAUGHING)

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island.

Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya? I'll come. As long as there's no xenophobes there. (SHUDDERS) I want to come, too. You? Why? To prove that I can put divisive partisan politics aside to participate in a break-in.

My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it.

Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people. Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you. Sir, you just hired yourself a new what's-a-whatzo.

What a thoughtful and considerate thing to say.

You nearly missed elevenses. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Who's for tea and shmavouries? What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution?

Could you bend it back for me, Billy? Bend it? I can't even lift it. Which is weird, seeing as how my daddy was a forklift. Wow. Bender is really committed to his new Jethrovian identity. If y'all are finished, I'll drive y'all back to town in the old clunker.

Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement?

(ALL SCREAMING) My God, one of the hundreds of contradictory prophecies is coming true.

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine.

Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor. See you in class.

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here.

Still a little nervous? (BURPS) She's a nervous wreck! (BOTH LAUGHING)

You really are a massive bonehead! I'm expressing my sorrow. Get lost! I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too! We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap.

Let's just put a blank robot in the drive. It worked!

I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh!

Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me.

The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac. My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf.

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly-- Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball.

And nothing that can opener could ever do would be worse than that. Okay. Okay. I can do this. It's time to take life by the cans. Come on.

Oh, I'm a doctor. A tall doctor, you say.

Mmm... As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree? I lost it... in a volcano.

(GRUNTS) Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you, I'll take you where there's nothing flammable, so you can't do any more harm.

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING)

Stop gaining knowledge, Hubert. (GRUNTING) It's a simple mission. The grunts catch the alien, the surgeon guts it, and you smuggle the poison parts back here. Uh, something about poison, got it. By the way, that surgeon, where is he? You! Where's the butcher? Ma'am, I don't know, ma'am. His duffel bag arrived.

I've been giving these out for 647 years.

What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

And so, under cover of darkness the city put its garbage out to sea on the world's largest barge. The repulsive barge circled the oceans for 50 years but no country would accept it--

Who here is tired of illegal space aliens taking our good Earth jobs? (CROWD CHEERING) Me, too. So, if I'm reelected, I promise to build a really big Dyson fence across the southern border of our solar system.

He wants a robot brain Another brain Let's see if he feels pain A brand-new brain It might drive him insane He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

Not everyone turns out like their parents. I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy.

It means, "Up yours, kid."

What happened to you? Well, there I was on the triple diamond slope when suddenly... Oh, excuse me. Hello, there.

That's a big number-- 50. Yeah, if you're an idiot. Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din.

Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass.

Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus, or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio.

Ah, to be young again...

Hello. What's this flaming pool? You mean the company lava pit that goes all the way to the Earth's fiery core? Uh, I don't know. The core? Oh, this is too easy.

It appear mysteriously just about time men die out. So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider. Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps. Your gift pleases Femputer.

(SIGHS) (EXCLAIMING) Watch it! Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful. Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant?

So they really didn't like it. They hated my acting.

So he just ran away in the middle of the exam? I'm afraid so. All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry. I guess he realized I was right when I told him to go back to the jungle. You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain?

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah.

Mario not responding!

Dr. Lesterman? I'm sorry to bother you, but I think I'm close to a temper-control incident. RECORDING: You have reached the office of Dr. Judy Lesterman and Dr. Ira Rothkiss. The office is now closed. If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING)

Hi, boss. Yo, dude.

AUTOMATED VOICE: For hundreds of years, Oktoberfest has been held here, in the fertile Neander Valley, where prehistoric man once hunted the majestic Schnufel-Ufagus or woolly mammoth.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait!

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful. The last thing I remember, I was dying in an explosion.

just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate. Well, it's quite simple, really.

You were right. I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No!

(CRACKING) Whoa!

Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting.

Yep. NARRATOR: And so the salmon reach the ocean, birthplace of all life. Except the salmon. Hello. Who are you? I'm a salmon. Really? Me, too! No way! So, hey, I don't want to be too forward,

Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant.

What does piano wire count as?

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

crazy over the years. And once I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference.

we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Yech! Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady! Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either.

I move that everyone come to my apartment to snuggle my cat. Second.

who drank Ungo the Moist who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and...

(WHIRRING) Ew! Why is that happening? And will I have to die listening to country music? Not if I can get you to a better doctor. We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun.

Set a course for adventure!

Hey, too tight, too tight!

for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram? I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live. And that name is--

Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh! We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where? And even though the computer...

And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing. Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number.

So, where are you going to stay? Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me?

Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful. Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant? Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is?

Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851, in New New York's nerdiest slum-- Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager.

(RUMBLING) (GRUNTING)

Good news, nobodies!

What did you want to tell me? (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) Hold me in your arms

Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together.

(SIREN WAILING)

I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated.

Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business.

Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy.

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search. He's clean.

Hug me, Liubot. I'll always remember you, Fry.

(GRUNTING) Bender! You're stealing your own stuff! I am? Geez, I better slow down. I'm stealing stuff I don't even need. You want a Torah? Nah, I'm not hungry. Aw, what's the matter? Scared of dying? No. 'Cause as long as Leela lives, I'll be alive, too, in her heart.

Dying to see me kill these two.

Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle. Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them? Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye. Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you.

Just one more fire between me and a well-earned nap. (YELLING) What a dramatic scene, Linda. The heroic robot, with no concern for his own safety, has bravely charged back into the mine. What else is on? (SWITCHES TV CHANNEL)

Why have you kept him around all these years when he's so grossly incompetent? (SIGHS) Long ago, Zoidberg and I entered into a secret arrangement relating to certain extraordinary events too horrible to reveal. So there's nothing to be curious about.

Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button!

That's not a bad idea, Fry. Yeah, what?

Wait! Don't shoot! The beast is a Godsend. Like I said, we've more livestock than we can slaughter, but thanks to this ravenous bogle, that's no more a problem. Angus is right. The cursed thing even debones them, which is perfect for today's fast-paced, lazy consumer.

I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants.

I gotta get outta here! Leela

But... I love you. I know, and I care for you too. But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realize I love Flexo! But-- But-- I love you so much, Angleene,

Some sort, yes. In France, it's called a guillotine. Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim--

Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Nobody messes with my pants! Not even the Holy One, blessed be He. (FIRING)

This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack. Bender, what's wrong? I'm sick. You poor baby. Let me check if you have a fever. Ow!

Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity.

why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes? We did find it. It's called Homo erectus. Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis.

I always dreamed of being a musician-poet who transcends genres,

Uh... Ever been to Peru? Certainly not. I'm from Peru. Clam up, Founding Fathers. We need help locating the treacherous forger who forged this forgery. (ALL GASP) My word. If these enter circulation, our economy will be destroyed, and with it, our chance at independence.

Excuse me. I have to... Someplace. That was odd. Where'd that singing come from? It wasn't the goat. All of its orifices are in use.

(ALL GASP) Hi, Animatronio.

I'm an appalling failure!

Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network? We were about to fire him, sir. Silence, hack! We've been monitoring our Nielsen families carefully. And during the 12 seconds Bender was on-screen, viewer eyeball focus was up 90%.

Want a jolt? Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual? Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool. Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool I'll do it.

You will be destroyed!

just get in the car. Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York.

Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure.

Computer, run program "Kif One."

Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster. Good evening, ladies and germs.

Whoo! I'm the greatest!

I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow! Oops! Try again! We're too far apart. No, we're not. Grab your severed arm with your other arm.

Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there

against your lipless beak.

Those pheromones were highly concentrated.

Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will. Well, I'm rich.

Boo! Go to hell!

It's that hot, it is! Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it.

So he's, like, legally dead now. Want to get married and whatever? Ugh! The new guy is so boring. I like him. His acting is much more subtle than Calculon's. Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. And you're not the father!

I'll never forget the night that cute little alien baby was abandoned on our doorstep. Because I have a photographic memory, and I remember every night.

I might get sick enough to miss the whole semester. Hey, give me that. No. Give it to me, you faker. No, you're not getting it. Ow! My underbite! Come on, Yancy, your brother's sick. You'll never have a better chance to take him out.

Good news, everyone. Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee! We're on-line. Go ahead, get into these Net suits. I designed and tested them myself. They smell like burning rhesus monkey.

We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes? Hmm. There's your problem.

(CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner! We want someone born here! Eh, I'm still working on that one. (GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate? - 'Cause they won't let me near the Hoover Dam anymore. - Ooh!

That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record." Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave... at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery, buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe.

I'm a pathetic freak. My life is ruined. Man, you are such a jokester. I'll never have another moment of happiness. I know you're trying to mask your pain with humor, but don't worry.

This is uncomfortable and humiliating.

And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way. Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

10.77-- same as my PIN number.

I demand the floor! I may only have one share, but I get to vote, same as anyone. And I'm voting against the cat hater! Isn't that right, kitty?

I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me.

You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep. You mean, while I'm sleeping in it? You won't have time for sleeping, Soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing. The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

You could kill humans and wear a cool hood. Nah, I like my victims to know who did it. Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you. We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure.

One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet-- What's wrong?

I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it.

So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider. Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps. Your gift pleases Femputer. Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am.

There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall? just relax, Bender.

Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent. Not this one. He blew all his money on instant lottery tickets. Oh. That's different. Pass the blowhole. Can I have a fluke? Hey, quite hoggin' the bottlenose. Toss me the speech center of the brain.

Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

So, what's in the box already? No peeking!

You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even.

Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit. Oh, my.

Do you have any gum? No. Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor.

our mighty race was already 17 years old. Aww! For the first millisecond of time, things were okay, but then there arose a terrible enemy-- the Brain Spawn. Ever since, we have waged unceasing war...

Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in.

(COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it? Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend.

my friends, and they aren't worth even a penny to me. That's why these anchovies are going on a pizza... so I can share the food I love with the people I like. Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all. You're a growing boy.

Oh, I couldn't. No, no, go ahead. You've earned it. Well, maybe just a taste. Mmm! Now, that's a grand old flag! All right, Zoidberg! I wonder what the Shroud of Turin tastes like.

This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet?

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little.

I'm so into you. Oh, my! Hey, Bender! I just caught a fish this big. Quit exaggerating, Fry. Aw, screw this.

Bender, your popularity is slipping. Sales of your Bender-brand French-milled bath soaps are down 20%. Those morons. I said teaberry, not sandalwood.

Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.

You're making a mistake. I was only trying to kill the Professor.

Yeah, fatal, schmatal. If I die, I can just download my backup copy into a new, equally fabulous body. That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit! There's no backup copy of me? That's what I just said, you mortal coil. So, if I die...

are registered trademarks of MomCorp. Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here.

Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me.

Aw... what's the point?!

I guess I'm happy for him. And honestly, Francis is a way better friend than Bender ever was. Hey, where is Francis? (PIANO PLAYING)

I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time. You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before.

Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again!

Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans!

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome. - Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome! Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes. How may I direct your call? What's that? You haven't gotten your paper? In how long?

Bender, don't lie!

I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse. And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live.

There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you. Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh!

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

Oh, nothing! We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion!

I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

But there are 20 separate control keys. No one could work them well enough to ride out these energy waves. No one? It's time to hang 20! (SURF ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Morris! What are you doing? Hold on to your coconuts. We're going for the ride of a lifetime!

This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking.

That story was preposterous. Stephen Hawking in a pizzeria. This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor.

Pretend you're happy. Oh, my God!

Ironic! Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn! Running off, eh? You're pathetic! You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine.

Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on.

He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000? Uh-oh. I'm terrible at parallel parking.

Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who!

That's it. We got 'em all except for the big one. Wait, this isn't a real Bender. It's a talking doll from when Bender had that sitcom about the city robot who moves back to the farm. Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin.

I'm gonna call you "T." For terrestrial? No, "turd-eater." But I have to hide you from my dad.

Nice turnout, Calculon. That Oscar is practically on your mantle. I just pray they like me half as much as I do.

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God!

Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first.

Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch.

Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women.

We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses. Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

And so, on the basis of one great performance that almost no one saw, I'm proud to dedicate Calculon's posthumous star on the Walk of Fame! (ALL CHEERING)

Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy. Wait a second. This is Panucci's.

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

Hooray, it won't go on! The bureaucra-scan won't let anyone but the assigned bureaucrat log in. (AUTOMATED VOICE READING) Also, you have a rectangular mass in your colon. That's a calculator. I ate it to gain its power. You locate Inspector 5 while I slip into my ass-kicking feet.

Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir.

My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips. Police have no leads, but are offering a $1 million reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer. In the event there are two killers, police are offering an unusual deal...

April 13. April 13, point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe.

Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment?

But not for long. What's in the tube? Microscopic Nanobots. They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants. Speaking of nasty irritants, what's gonna become of Cubert? Who? Oh, my son.

Who is that godlike figure?

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel! I don't remember any of that. But I don't have the wherewithal to defend myself. Then I have no choice but to charge you the full cost of the materials-- $10.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Mama said, "Spock you out." That's it, Amy. Pardon my language, but I have had it with you ruffling my petticoats. You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw!

It's kind of cramped in here.

Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

(CHUCKLING) Oh! This is my fleam. You use it to peel the skin off your enemies layer by layer till they die or whatever. Neat! Hey, you know who would love fleaming stuff? My friend Bender, who I'll never see again.

No, no, well... I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but...

One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

Yup! Dwight, you remember the crew. Crew, you remember Cubert. Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month.

Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information!

You're a freakin' genius, you idiot!

The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square. Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

Look to your left, then to your right. Then in nine other directions. One of the 12 of you will not pass this class. Boring. Let's hear about Walter Mondale already. Be forewarned. The only sure way to get an "A" in this class is to have lived in the 20th century.

When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse.

And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end. I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look!

Please, just leave me alone. Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered, but you don't need a statue for that. I don't?

All right, I'll go.

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad!

I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man. (BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich! No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim.

Okay, let's just get in, get out and... Now what? Now we wait for nature to take its course. How long does it take to pass through a moon worm?

In fact, the law says you'll be killed on the spot if you fail to recite the oath from memory. I was going to thumb through that later. That is completely reckless.

Come on, Bender. Pull in your line, and let's go. Hey, I'm snagged. It's not snagged. The mechano-man has caught something.

Quiet. I think I know how to find the professor. Lay it on us, big boots.

I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING) I'm coming, darling! I shouldn't, but who's counting? Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner?

(PANTING) (CHUCKLING)

That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

Is he blackmailing you somehow?

You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

Leela, how could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred and now this? Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain.

So long, jerkwads! So long.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

It wasn't supposed to do any of those things. You did it, Johnny. I'm cured! (ALL GASP)

searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time.

Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies and there would have to be a lot of them.

Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights. (BENDER GROANING) You know, that don't look half bad on your buttocks. It does sort of class-up the place.

sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible. But it's not boring. Ho, ho, ho! Oh!

(WESTERN MUSIC) (ALL GASP) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WIND BLOWING)

No, I'm just kidding. You're a joker.

Actually, I think I'll go down and prep the detonator.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Hmm. Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die! Too true, Femputer. You're so wise.

Onto the Internet you go.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Course, it's shank or be shanked. Of course. Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges. Fine. Have the watch. It's broken anyway. I don't want your watch! You're covered in precious ambergris.

Lay it on us, big boots. If the Smell-A-Scope can pick up the professor's odor we may have a chance to save him. I think not. As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space. I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay...

We're heading straight for those trees. Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

The Zookeeper! Sorry I'm late. Long story. Now everybody hit the deck! I'm cutting the entire line and stealing the exhibit. You're not stealing anything! Nobody hit the deck! Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for.

Bender, is that thou?

Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife? If I were you I'd be more worried about that tapeworm going to town on your intestines.

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover.

I have no shares! Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster!

I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one.

because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps! No, no. Line? No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers.

(GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world,

Therefore, the battle is already over. The winner? Me. Ha, ha! Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

Well, we're boned.

Why are you so angry, Mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two. As soon as someone reaches a million followers,

- Aaah! - Ah, Bender, this is a surprise. For you finding me in the refrigerator! True. But at least I don't have the hiccups anymore. What up? Oh, well, it so happens I'm in the mood... to make a deal with you. - Forget it. You can't tempt me. - Really?

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing!

(CHEERING) The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve! (MILD APPLAUSE) Thank you, Great Reveal-o. And now, as a solemn testicle to those left behind on Earth,

Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever!

I got a donor nose! There was an accident at the fencing academy. Touche.

Oy. I lost another one. Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way,

(GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year?

Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life. Can't you tell the difference? Sure. I just like TV better.

So now my character has a British accent?

Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said. Let's try again, but this time, everyone cram into my time shelter. Wow. LEELA: Nice. It's coated with antichroniton-resistant grout to shield you from the effects of the button.

Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute.

Yes! Ow. And the winner is... Destructor! I've not seen a spectacle of this nature in all my years impersonating a sportscaster.

Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin"

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back. Rebuttal, Professor? This $4 coffeepot talks about love,

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

We're just going through a rough patch. It is not a patch. It's been ages, according to your wildly inappropriate hunk-of-the-month calendar. Leave Todd out of this. Thanks, babe. Also, today is Canadian Independence Day. (BURPING NOISE)

and I can send you straight back in there!

Wait. Was all that true? Did you really sit up with me every night?

Hermes, oh, you foolish man, what do you need a Cylon eye for? Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared.

died without setting your genitals to right.

Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory! Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote. I'll just...

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor. But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will.

(WIND BLOWING) Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Wait. Bender? Bender? Kill all humans. Kill all humans. Must kill all... Bender, wake up! I was having the most wonderful dream.

What are you, gay?

Dude, you made the finals. Congrats! You've accomplished so much more than most of us would bother to. Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ! You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker?

What is this, an inquisition? You in or not?

(SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together.

But I'm not done vomiting!

Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender? Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell. Did you hear something, Leela? No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me.

No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald. What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay. Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy?

(TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition?

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

I know I should, but I just can't. Remember when I had those stomach worms that made me smart? I could play the holophonor, and it made Leela like me. Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday. I'd really like to have somebody there. Please? Fine. I'll go already.

It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong! I just fell into the box, and then I fell out somehow.

Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty.

Yea! Hey, what the-- Whoa! Get away! Come on. I just got all the gum off of there. Hey! Hey! I hate you! I hate you all!

the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle. What's happening? Holy shoot! Looky! The enemy, they're balls! Ow!

I heard alcohol makes you stupid. No, I'm-- doesn't. Actually, Dwight, you're right. Alcohol is very, very bad... for children. But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram!

I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit.

Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8. Where's my Hot in Cleveland? All trade with the Omicronians stops today. And that includes cultural exports. Cultural? I'm talking about TV! Nixon out!

Wow! It's like the Earth makin' sweet, salty love to itself... while all the fish groove on it. So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it. For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you?

Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me!

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.

Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you. Me too. Feeling responsible for your death was driving me mad. But now everything is all right. Uh, not everything. What? What do you mean? You have to wake up. Wake up? Oh, no. No! It can't be!

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable. Oops! Whoopsie! My bad.

In that case, it's somethin' I've always wanted to make up to you. Hey, Scratchmo! How about droppin' me and the lady some rump-rattlin' beats? I had hoped by the second time he flashed his cash,

No, that's how you always look. This throws my entire perception... of reality into question. Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker!

She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot! (ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! Unit 47!

So where's the celebrity dating place? Let's search the Web. Over there. Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock.

Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private?

"Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else.

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate. Well, it doesn't look like I'll make it inside with the rest of you. But good luck. just leave me where I drop. Oh, great. Someone had a baby.

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already.

It turns out it's man.

Pathetic human race. Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb. Dewey, you fool! Your decimal system has played right into my hands.

It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

(JEWELS CLATTERING) (SIGHS) I have everything I ever wanted. Money, wealth, riches. Yet something's missing. A hot princess with whom to get grizzly. Hello. Hello, baby!

Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

Does it look stupid? No. In fact, it-it looks so nice i-i think I might get one, too. It's Elzar again!

I'm our A in the hole! Professor, who's debating for your side? That guy, you know, I forget his name.

Ah, you're both pathetic-- being jealous of your own offspring. Now, you should be happy that they became successes... instead of following in your food stamps. Ohh. It's true. But they grow up so fast. We just wanted a few more years of being better than them.

Like, you guys are terrible friends for always sending us to our deaths. I'm not going. Re reither! Would you do it for a Bendee Brew? Rokay. Ri'm a ralcoholic. MAN: Yummy, yummy, yummy I've got love in my tummy

Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam!

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you!

I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact...

Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win.

Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more. Hey! I won free admission to Six Flags! just one more reason we must survive this.

You wouldn't dare! I've been married to worse. Leela, I'm no doctor, but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'. You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession. There's nothing personal about this. That thing screwed up my delivery! This time, it's business.

Let's "conservate."

You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I-- Sir! Yes, sir! Sir! Remember, our mission is simple--

"Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Leela, we're missing the premiere.

I think I deserve that once in life. Be careful with that Adlai, Leela. He's a doctor. They're very poor. - Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny! Okay, they got everything you need here. Booze, a couple of peanuts--

Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure!

Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

are equally inferior to robots? Ah, here we are-- the worst player in history. If I can be just a little better than him, I can slink away with my head held high. It says he once struck out when his tongue got stuck to an unusually cold bat. And here he is trying to make a catch with an oven mitt. It's even a crummy hologram.

Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together.

Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever.

Aaah! Oh! Careful with that doomsday device, Bender. What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter. My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless. Roger.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

And don't eat it.

Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter? Professor, there's nothing wrong with robosexuality. Yeah, when the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults. Or one. Thanks, guys. Everything will be okay as long as my parents don't find out. (SPEAKS CANTONESE)

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool. I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh? Yes, but there are so many, asking so much. After a while, you just sort of tune it out.

That's a good boy.

Help! I can't swim! Oh... Bender, why did you jump in?

Say, would you Farnsworths care to be my guests tomorrow at the Astor Endowment Fundraiser? All the best families will be there. We can take them.

So this is where they stick old people. It's horrific. At least it keeps them from driving.

Hello, dirt. I'll start at "N" for nude pictures. Aw, Nobel Prize? That's no good. How about "A" for adultery? What? Straight-A transcript?

The Earth is born!

(ENGINES REVVING) (SIRENS WAILING)

Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Also ironic. Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no! Nobody tell Fry I'm deaf.

Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor...

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico.

I love this job. Me, too. Show time! I'll pretend to be dying of space plague. Boo?

Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out.

Calculon, you'd be fulfilling this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy.

That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents! It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom!

And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps, but we, like, totally dissed Moose! Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose.

Help! I can't swim! Oh... Bender, why did you jump in?

Or should I say, "Evila"?

A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots.

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain?

(DANCE MUSIC BLARING) Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer.

We have to reacquaint him with a little thing called sleaze. I can't believe somebody hired an interstellar spaceship to deliver a package to Atlantic City. What are we delivering, anyway? Uh... this. Where are we delivering it to?

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me. Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

And as a further cost-cutting measure I have eliminated the saltwater cooler. This is a witch hunt. Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day. Greetings, friends. Don't we all look nice today?

Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place. The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now.

Ah, just as I had no idea. You're breaking out in suction cups.

I don't know. Please, give me a chance to be romantic on my own. I've got a Baggie of massage oil, and I'm gonna give you my super back rub, just like I used to give Amy when I was going out with her, and she always seemed to-- Uh-oh.

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe! Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one.

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no?

(NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER)

(WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement! Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer! (ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast.

(EXCLAIMING) (GROANS) Help! Police! Send.

This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

But for the proud people of Robonia!

Whoa! Quae? Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are!

Everybody, do the Bender. The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites.

Adoy. Wait. Adoy? Your disembodied program is now running on the wireless network shared by all machinery.

So, um, Leela, seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster.

Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come? Yeah, okay. What's the weather like? The usual. Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

Thanks, Morbo. Coming up next, Galaxians, what you need to know to protect your family. How do you people do it?

I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

Cool. Uh, cross-town express. Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys! (ZAPPING) What was I crying about?

Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty.

Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair.

- Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him!

Once and for all, Fry, even though it's the future, most objects are still just objects,

So, how did it all begin? The unlikely lovebirds met at Brown University. She, a brilliant exolinguistics major, he, a laid-back sewer surfer who didn't even know the meaning of "exolinguistics." I still have no idea. (ALL LAUGHING) I've been telling you for 40 years,

COMMENTATOR: And that's it! Wisconsin has defeated Stanford 17-to-9 in the 2000 Rose Bowl! What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium! Whoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

How do you like them bananas?

Oh, there he is. Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

A what kind of a disturbance? Electrical. Anyway, it's going to take some careful piloting to avoid it.

Ever since 2063,

(GASPS) You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost! Chill out. I'm just here to see Amy.

Will you push me? I already did. Thank you!

It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

Okay, that's better. Keep them coming! I'm sorry, Fry, but no vegetarian could have done this. I know, and as much as I love Mr. Peppy, I love Leela more.

I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent. Shut up, shut up. That's not true. I have one right here that can talk. Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama." Caca.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

But the crowd loves me. Perhaps, but let's see how they feel about your new persona-- The Gender Bender. You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor.

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999...

garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it. By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone. The fate of the city's at stake. Good. Don't finish that cruller.

Hiya! (GROANS IN PAIN) (CROWD CHEERING) ALL: All right! Way to go. (SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me.

Succeed, and I shall reveal to you... the age-old secret... of perfect flavor. Oh, yeah! Slop's on! Fine-lookin' eats.

But if they liked you, then I wouldn't.

He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined. Gumbercules? I love that guy.

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'.

A-ha! Oops. No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open!

Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse.

Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh!

What's happening? I feel weird. Come on, universe! You big, mostly empty wuss! Give me all the juice you got!

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Oh, shut up! Amazing. I've theorized that carbon-based, fat-filled life could exist, but until today, I never had any proof. Good for you. Can we go home now?

While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed... be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy!

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image.

Sir, I challenge you to a duel for control of the beach!

(MUSIC PLAYING) (SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place!

Already taken care of. Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end,

Good evening, ladies and germs. That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old...

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205.

You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing

I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat.

Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass. Incoming surface-to-air...

No chance, garbage-can face. (SPUTTERING IN PROTEST) Brace yourselves, 'cause we're gonna try something you would never see in mainstream tap, a simultaneous, head-to-head tap-off. (CROWD GASPING) What... Oh! Scandalous! It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy.

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves.

Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath?

Yeah! Then knock yourself out. Hey! Hey! Only eat and drink enough to barely keep yourselves alive. I'm tryin' to make a profit here. Daddy, Bethany's hitting me!

The Cavern on the Green. I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us.

coffee, coffee, coffee--

I'm gettin' the doorbell.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

My hero. Ah, they don't make movies like this anymore.

And Vergon 6 is about to implode. We need your help. So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not?

Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Howdy there. I'm a lawyer, and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that. I'm a veteran of three dozen wars. Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it,

Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both. You lazy runts. Don't you get paid for making the toys?

She, a brilliant exolinguistics major, he, a laid-back sewer surfer who didn't even know the meaning of "exolinguistics." I still have no idea.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake. I'm a human being. See? I'm all squishy and flabby. Also, I complain a lot. Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum.

But the twist is, in this show, the singers judge the judges. It's got attitude. Greetings, Execubots. It is I, Calculon. But you're dead. Can we get you a water or something? No, just my old leading role, for I have freed myself from death's icy grip.

Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm." Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh. What about me? You are free to go. Yes!

Clear? Clear. Ready to hoist? Ready. Ow! My first space delivery.

Well, buddy, how do you like your new home? See, he's happy already. That thing doesn't have emotions, Fry.

I'll use it whenever I want to know what time it is. Oh, it's Fry and Leela. Hi, Fry and Leela! Keep pedaling! For the love of God, keep pedaling! Aah!

Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no!

All right! Oh, yeah! Great! Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down!

Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him! (SCREAMING)

(SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

He oughta be, with all the strict training I've been putting him through. Nibbler, roll over, and you get a ham. Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham?

I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car. I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as... Calculon!

We'll begin with point one... ...concerning our pest problem. Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls.

Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

(EXCLAIMS) Done broke my spine. Nice rack, though. Thank you, Scruffy.

With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman.

Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media. Violent media? What a load of-- Ow! Ow!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost! Ooh! Ooh!

Answer me that, Professor!

(GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank. Anyway, Planet Express is still facing foreclosure. There's no way we can raise enough money to save this company.

Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

Mine's not working. Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

Well, see you tomorrow.

Orange? Purple? Do I know you? Have we met?

ANNOUNCER: Futurama presents... (READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron. Insuring your world, and its destruction.

Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

I nominate that Guy! not just because he has a suit, but because he knows about business and stuff, and he has a tie. My shares still count if they went through the washing machine, right?

That stupid clover is a worthless piece of garbage! Give it, give it, give it! Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah! You're dead meat!

Hi, Leela. Fry. Everything's cool. Wait a second. There's no possible way out of this situation. Help, help! Fry. I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever.

The alien mother ship is in orbit here. If we can hit that bull's-eye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it.

just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad.

It's truly a masterpiece. Note how the perspective lines draw the eye right to his dong.

If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in!

(SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela.

laying bare the most fundamental laws of the universe. Hey, Fry, I know something you could lay bare. Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture. Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do. HERMES: Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter. What the hell is it?

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

NARRATOR: The isolated Galapagos Islands. A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby!

Thanks for comin' out to get to know my boyfriend.

Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much. He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is. Nibbler?

...and someday, if my dreams come true,

So, the most galling of the paparazzi needs my help. Lo, the worm has turned. Say cheese, Calculon without makeup. (SIGHS) As much as I hate you, I hate Langdon Cobb more. He beats me out for every award, every role, every paternity suit.

Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah. Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years?

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish.

MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.

Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that?

It was brisk. I dressed in layers. That's my girl.

Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend. Then what are those?

Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y? Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on.

What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them. I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke... in a good way.

(HEARTBEAT) No!

We only got two drops. It's only a matter of time now. I'll handle this. Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you.

You can't just meddle with life like that. Who do you think you are? God? I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight. Why are you committing these atrocities against nature? Nature's out of its league. There are 40 billion hungry people on this planet,

And how long have you been a farmer? Reckon I was born a farmer.

You know I can't. Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it!

Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

(CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself. All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama! Ah!

Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse. Can't you just be a rude, unhelpful jerk like Bender? When I use up the toilet paper, I don't put on a new roll. Fry, my friend, I found your pants. And no sign of that crafty badger. All right! Lucky pants!

Ew! What a dump! Oh! just like old times. Gosh. The bars on the windows seemed so much thicker back then. Mr. Vogel? Remember me? Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you!

and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic! Now, the first order of business...

So, uh, am I going to drown? 'Course not. just stay calm, and let the gentle currents relax your every muscle. Oh, yeah! Did it just get warmer? I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips.

Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube.

(BLARING) What's that? Did they pick a new Pope?

Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge. I think you'll find this verdict as fair as it is cruel. Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy! Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice for the same crime.

And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Does that dummy have a brother?

You kept track of it all these years.

Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

I am Bender Please insert girder Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica

Wait, that's it! I'll make a space experiment about the common cold. Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good. I feel awful, but it was worth it to catch and kill this baby fish.

Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby. And in this moment, Leela's dead.

What, you mean your antenna? Shh! Watch your language. This ain't a church, lady. Except for tax purposes. Anyway, I can't help you. One of my customers already bought your friend's antenna. Oh, excuse me, robo-dong. Who was it? Can you give us a name? Certainly not. I could never betray a customer's privacy.

That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine.

She's so great. I feel like I can almost remember... the magical thing I did to make her love me. But I guess I never will. Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

Oh, no! My parents are leaving! I've gotta go change back into street Leela. It's the New Justice Team! Can we get some photos? Thank you, mysterious heroes! The value of the Gemerald you saved... is slightly greater than the cost of the damage you caused to this museum. A net gain for our great city!

Let's do it! Next year in jerusalem! Two adults, please.

And now they're gone.

Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

- Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING) I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it.

I'm real sorry I missed the mission.

Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery! - That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile!

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know.

This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed! Aha, Leela, we meet again. But this time, I'm the one criticizing the sausage. (RUMBLING) (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents. I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important. Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me!

"U leave me breathless"?

It's Colony Collapse Syndrome. The bees are swarming with parasites. They're all dying. Yeah, but what a way to go. "Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else. Wait. I know where we can get beeswax. From those giant space bees who nearly killed us, and we swore we'd never go back there.

Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

Aah! So anyway, I hope the men have been taking their hyper-malaria pills. Their what? "Their what?" (LAUGHS) That's funny, like a crazy old man. But you know what's not funny? Deadly Tritonian hyper-malaria.

Harem? I can barely see 'em!

He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined.

Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity,

Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal.

Uh, wait. This is the other Fry's locker. I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on?

Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg. Oh!

just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing

Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti. I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship!

All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse.

All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products. You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500.

There is no such thing as space aliens! Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us? I'll tell you how! Because you are one! (ALL GASP) (SNORING)

Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

To my loyal butler "You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant.

Look at that. The carts go out full, but they come in empty. It's criminally inefficient. Quiet, mate. Pulling the empty carts is the closest thing we get to sleep. But don't ya see?

You know what these would go great with? Rocks.

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept! The mercury is boiling!

Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth! (NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel.

Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

Ah. It sure is relaxing getting swept along by this current. Oh, my! Oh, dear! Oh, yes!

You see, beneath the fossil's crunchy mineral shell, there's still a creamy core of dog nougat. So will Seymour remember how to sing "Walking On Sunshine"? Amazingly, yes.

(SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, boo-hoo. Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies. All right! Why?

He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up! And so, with the threat to the Beachmaster's supremacy eliminated,

Those sweaty nerds are making illegal copies of us. Ow! It hurts! Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move!

(GROANS) Oh, Delivery-Boy Man! You saved me by random chance! Don't thank random chance. Thank my meteor-wishing power, with your lips. Good ending. Not great.

I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING) This seems like a good place to take a dump. Leela? You're alive! Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well?

Where have I been? What happened?

Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com.

thanks to this flabbo-dynamic spandex bodysuit I've designed. It redistributes his weight, shifting his center of gravity closer to his knees. Ooh, that's snug. Those haven't descended in years. Now that's a limboer's body.

What? And now, my meddling manbot, there's the question of what to do with you. Oh, no! We need rest.

Am not! It contains a parallel universe. And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela?

Stop acting so stupid!

You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time. Really-- You two go enjoy yourselves. I'm so lonely. I'm going to go eat a bucket of ice cream.

For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why!

Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way.

A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

I feel like a rat. Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks. You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops.

Want to try it? You know you want to. A chemical that can help us win? That sounds great.

That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry. Where am I? You're in the good old year 2000 working here at Pinucci's Pizza. You fell asleep on the job.

Ooh, he got me!

Is Munda here? Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) Leela, does your mother know you're using her pole? (GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours!

Now we just reintroduce Calculon's programming to his body using science. It's like magic but with electricity. First we put on our protective suits. Then place the body equidistant from the five nearest wireless network hubs.

Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling? Leela's garbled words have opened my eyes.

Are you telling me the stuff we did in private, and also twice on the sidewalk, made a baby robot? How? Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from? No. She was a religious fundamentalist. Plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

Not necessarily.

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology!

"Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play." It says nine of them are gonna be okay. So they really didn't like it. They hated my acting. Not entirely. I mean, "Worst play in history," there's some ambiguity there.

sweet chariot comin' For to Carry me home Swing low This is horrible.

What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien? Uh, look like interbreeding. Ow! Ahh! You want make love, not war? Jawohl. This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man.

We're practically old enough to find the Fox Network infantile.

Oh. That's a little bright.

Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

makes your antenna smell nice.

Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

Aah! Everyone, to the fire door! It's on fire! We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Sorry, buddy. I, too, know what it's like to have a dream I'll never achieve.

(SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum. Whoa, that's pretty deep. So... You want a piece of gum? Yeah. Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight. So Bender needs to make the delivery.

and I've never heard of Yeti-ism. It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti. Ah! (KETTLE WHISTLING) Wow. Hold him down while I prepare the antidote.

I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Now get in there and shoot your beloved pet! I guess this is goodbye.

What do you mean, a scam?

Balsamic or raspberry?

Now, hold on. I feel like I was chased by a mushroom recently. Of course! The guard dog at Cobb's estate. That's the ego. All right, let's go. It'll be just like stomping a puppy.

Skull, skull, skull, skull, skull... Wait. Why haven't you fleamed this skull? (SHUDDERS) Hi, Mr. Lrrr. (SCREAMS) Hey, you're one of those Earth spies from that Earth ship, aren't you?

Bender, drink that beer and drop the bottle on the ground. Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm? We've trashed this room but that's just a start.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan!

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry? Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most!

Hello there, chum! I understand you miss your buddy. - Have a pudding pop! - No thanks. I don't-- Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

So I gave the cookies you made to Fawn and the kids, and they couldn't believe it! They were delicious! But I digress.

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill?

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

How dare he run off with Richard Nixon. Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said feed your head...

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

(BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you? I don't remember. Me neither. Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4? That's not something I would know.

Wait. Allow me.

Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn!

Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on. Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something! Come on, Leela. What's the real reason you won't go out with me?

We fought like hell, sir,

Have you ever been on TV before? Once, when I took those hostages. I saw that! You were good. Let's hear you audition. Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree.

and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle. Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that.

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS) We did it. Whoo!

NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation.

(ALL SCREAMING) It wasn't supposed to do any of those things.

Fry, delete that. Delete that right now! What? Oh. Okay. (CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit.

but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written. ANd i-i-i Will always Love you Will always love you The humans are attacking!

Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What? Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey. Hmm...

Fry! Thank God we found you. Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000?

Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe.

Fry, face it: The Moon is a dump. It's a boring dried-up wasteland. And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that? I guess I can't. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters.

It's all-you-can-eat, so just pick off whatever looks good. Ew! Gross! I'm gonna use the tongs. (MONKEY GIBBERING) We have our own literature, music and art.

Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

He did it! And he's not looking back at that cool explosion. He's a hero!

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

(GRUNTS) Come on, I'm all yours! Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time, but I can't. I love Munda.

Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

And by devil, I mean Robot Devil.

And now this part. (PLAYING FAST-PACED MUSIC) If you want to steal my girl, you'll have to fight me for her. Stop playing that lovely song and put up your dukes! (GRUNTS) Fry, there's nothing to be jealous of. I've been sitting here paying my bills online.

Running off, eh? You're pathetic! You wouldn't be scared of the po-po if you had a ship like mine.

But why would it be so important to stop Nixon? Because of the horrific events he's going to set in motion. (SOBS) Oh, God. I can't bring myself to describe it. Oh, well. Want to hear about how I got frozen? Not really. It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system.

I think a motel room might be in order. Leela, here's $40. Mom, don't do this. Zapp is a selfish, womanizing idiot. There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS)

No, Leela. Just this once, I'm going to let you embarrass me.

Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here.

Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did. Or maybe I rescued one last mini-Bender to fold stupid, ugly sweaters while I laughed at him. (GIGGLING) I guess we'll never know. (ALL BENDERS LAUGHING)

I'll need accomplices.

Come on, Amy. Pick a male human already. I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. Cut it out, Mom!

What are you doing to my ship? Sanctifying it. There. That ought to convert a few tailgaters. Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen.

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here.

Then eat it. So, uh, what's this big score anyway? We're heisting a shipment of zuban cigars. Zubans?! Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a whole maternity ward with one of those things. Yo, there's our pigeon now. Let's shoot bullets out of our guns.

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

That's the best thing I ever saw.

Oh. I'm broken again. I can't move any part of me. Good.

I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps. I got the winner! Oh... Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots. Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick.

Then I'm going in after him! No!

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected. I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. Hey, where's Amy and Bender?

Oh? Oh? Ah, pooh! We're even younger! Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky,

No, he didn't. Activating ice drill!

That's your license to be a jerk. Do whatever the hell you want, then walk away and light a cigar.

I request a satanic funeral. Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression...

Razzma flazzma plasma.

Calculon? I thought you were in a coma. That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain.

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

Congratulations.

Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away. Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir.

Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Pazuzu! Oh, you came back to me! Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela.

Yay! Calculon's back!

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too.

Good thing Scruffy rescued Leela. Don't thank me, thank the ladder. Your cloned arms should be fully grown in a month or so. But for right now, enjoy the sounds of the world's smallest violin.

(GRUNTS) You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat.

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther. Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here? By far, the most important thing is oil

Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate. Searing, searing pain that feels as if it were in a vice. Well, that was rude.

Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

An unattractive prospect. While researching for the role I ran computer simulations demonstrating incontrovertibly that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed... be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube... or even the stately tetrahedron... buddy!

It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it.

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh.

I'll kill you, my friend! Ahhh!

Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there? Well, I was shoplifting a lamb chop when suddenly fire erupted from the liver tray. Next thing I knew, I was carried to safety by this strapping young what-you-call-it. (WHISPERING) Hero. Hero. Aw, stop.

Hey, do the thing.

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide!

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on!

ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus, even check your e-mail while getting hit by a train.

Beans, huh? Mmm, this is great! How do you make the crust so fizzy? Ah, ah, ah! Ancient Signoid secret. My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret. Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough. Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it.

Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

Nothing's too horrible for my boy! Well, I could install a bending card. But you said he only has one slot! Correct. I'd have to remove his memory card. He'd be able to bend, but he'd lose all his memories. He wouldn't even remember who you are.

Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story. Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally. - You tell a story. - With pleasure.

Here, got you some fresh Nectar. Whoa, that puts the lead in my pencil. Thanks, trainer. Excuse me. What's that nectar you're handing out? It's a plant-based supplement that bulks up your flapping muscles.

Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do? Duh. I know!

VoilÀ. The greatest sand castle ever built. This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in if he were a fiddler crab. It's very nice.

but I can't. I love Munda. I love everything about her, her laugh, her maturity, the cold, lifeless touch of her tentacle on my body. She is one juicy calamari. Oh, Zapp, I love you, too. (GASPS) Oh, squiddums! I've been thinking about this for a while,

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

You know, I might be able to speed up your reflexes by overclocking you. Uh, what's that, sonny? You say it'll put some whoopie in my cushion? This might take a while. I've got to adjust the memory timing, raise the CPU voltage, and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases.

Game's over, losers! I have all the money.

(GASPS) Whoa, a palace!

Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass!

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system. Where? Right in front of you. Oh! Oh! We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where?

Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no. Off we go.

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

Flashin' his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss. Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my fund and kicks-in' my back.

No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing. But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy!

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio.

I got it! I got it! Um, when you're writin' the Bible, you might want to omit that last miracle.

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman.

(CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum. How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her."

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'.

Cram it, lobster.

I'll never get back to sleep.

Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed. All right, but I need a weapon to fight off drunken robots when I wake up. Here, take my plus-one mace. Okay, here I go.

Look out for that particular individual! An electric wall, eh? I can't see the harm in peeing on that. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING)

Why aren't you all out destroying the professor's books? Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody? No. Now, like my granny used to say, back in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." Your granny can go to hell!

So the clover is still in the hiding place, maybe? Hey, yeah, maybe it is still there, underground in the ruins of Old New York... helping some ant defeat another ant, or helping some piece of dirt turn its luck around. Dirt doesn't need luck. I'm going down there to get my clover back. Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending.

Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

Long before the Benders devour the Earth, they'll deplete the planet's booze and die off. This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING)

What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain? Thank you. Come again. That's what I call a hostile makeover.

Adios! (CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside...

He did it! He actually did it this time. (GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps.

Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger!

Sure. Bare hands or weapon?

Well (MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR) Then the steel-drivin' man Rammed his train through the wall

And no one will have to punish anyone for the mutiny!

Fry-lo. Hi, Fry.

As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank... what all the judge was a-jawin' about, could y'all tell us what you done seen the day of the crime? Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this.

Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board,

Forget it, Squishy. You the one lose her in first place.

Unthinkable! I wouldn't think of it! What about you, Mr. Nixon?

Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS)

You're right. Thank you, LaBarbara. Oh, also, I wrecked the car. This here is a mugging! Hand over your skin.

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass.

More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More! More! More! More!

I'm hungrier than a green snake in a sugarcane field.

Now, how many tickets would you like for the show? Like, none. But thanks for the yucky-tori. (LAUGHS)

Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart. You're ugly! (LAUGHING) (ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow! Yo, freak show! Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting.

Unless of course... war were declared. What's that? War were declared.

New York City: The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage.

He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club. NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy.

Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

Oh, yeah? Read it and weep. I'm a certified college dropout. Please. Everyone knows 20th century colleges were basically expensive daycare centers. That's true. By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair.

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS)

This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository... Y'all enjoy your stay. Tourism's our main source of income 'round here so, uh, see the sights, spend some money... Please don't leave. Fry!

Some preposterous hogwash about the Fibonacci sequence... Aha! The markings indicate how many paces we need to take. One... Okay, we're there.

What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? Fry! What you doing here? I'm here to rescue Amy from her robosexual desires. If I understand you correctly, I've seen the error of my ways? Look at all that awkward winking. It must be love.

Woo-woo-woo, woo-woo-woo woo-woo What's that, Seymour? You walkin' on sunshine? He's trying to tell us something. Maybe he can lead us to Philip. Should we follow him? To our deaths? Negatory.

Quickly. Into the time shelter. Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every 10 seconds. The universe is caught in a time loop. Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad?

What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? The mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it! Well, actually, they're-- Morris, shh! And what about this?

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me!

(MOANING) Where to, adulterers? (GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb?

Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer.

MAN: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right? It's a Crud and he's got a gun! Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror. It was self-defense. We are the Cruds, but we're over here.

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer! (BUZZER SOUNDS) HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak?

Good for you. Can we go home now?

He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba!

You're under arrest for future murder! Yeah? You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING)

Now I'll never get to bend anything! Oh, woe is Bender! Hang tough, brother. Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage.

from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa."

I like ice cream. And I like lollipops. And I like you, Princess Num Num. Ew! I'm all licky-sticky!

Howdy, folks. Come on in. Jumpin' Joe and golly jeeper I got one gigantic peeper Sassafras and banana oil I'm a beautiful purple-haired goil

Right kind of you, mum.

I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine, but you never seem to get them. Bender! It's not my fault if you don't check me. Messages erased.

(KNOCKING) Psst! Quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped. Dad! - (WHIMPERING) - Ah!

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him.

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here.

Find molasses candy (BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window

Wait. What fiddle contest?

Somebody turn it on! We interrupt Battle of the Network Space Krackens to bring you this special report. The machines of planet Earth are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho!

I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail?

Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

And that appealed to me, for whatever reason.

I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone. Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view.

Face it. I'm a prize catch.

For you, my friend? Anything.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes?

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd!

What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.

We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry.

the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium. It's good to have the old, weird-looking Leela back. Aw, you're a true friend, Fry. I guess there's nothing wrong with being a little weird. Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them!

What a pleasant surprise. Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box.

To the end of the universe! So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh.

Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah!

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money. What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

In the end though, it doesn't matter who my parents were. All that matters is what I learned here, within these unscalable walls, that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela!

I brought his and her chicken hats! (CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal!

Uh... jennie McNeal you are charged with jury tampering in last week's case on account of your hot, naked affair with the foreman.

Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign. Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad!

Multi-ball! Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade.

I'm 40% back, baby!

Ahhh! Hello. Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing. For all I know, our friends could have been eaten by some kind of crazy space whale.

He's... He's dead.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely.

How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase? Ooh, look! It's the centaur race!

(SCREAMING) Look out, a solar flare!

Damn, yo, get a load of speed geezer! (ALL CHUCKLING) Hey! That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor! Yo, it is on! Before that, it was off. Twice around Central Park.

Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever. One. Two. Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no!

I don't know you people. $30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card?

You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies.

I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop.

That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa.

Who are you, old man? Name's Old Man Waterfall, but most folks just call me Old Man. I'll never remember that.

He came from above with...

I don't know. Do you think you could survive a 700-foot fall? Ah, good old Bender.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy.

Rosemary! Sweep the booze bottles off my desk! I'm addressing the planet. ROSEMARY: First, brush your teeth! Yeah, yeah. My fellow Earthicans, a great American monster has been silenced. Clone of Agnew is gone,

It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him!

Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth!

But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy.

You're looking less nuts, crabby. I'm feeling less nuts, thank you because tomorrow, I will be depositing my jelly in the cloacal vents of a female if you catch my drift.

So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves. Boring. Calculon? I thought you were in a coma.

Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night. That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be. And you used to wear a size three cape. But not anymore! Now bring me that lower horn while I'm still in the mood!

At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is-- being filthy rich, that is!

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

But now, Zapp's not captain anymore. I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny!

dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement...

This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want?

Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team!

(WOMAN SINGING) Who's that? The Queen of England?

Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue. Mm-mm! We can't be too careful with these codes.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

This experiment will determine what food, if any, the alien eats.

Though mellow and satisfying, it did parch me a bit, so I went in search of brandy. That's when my keen senses detected the still-invisible ship.

I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much. He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is.

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

Galloping gators! You're a superhero? Well, that's wonderful! But did you have to make the costume so revealing? Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero! We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side.

(MOANING) Okay, Murdolator's finished. I said I'd kill him myself, but nobody listens to Bender. We all have to share in the guilt,

There! No rampaging for you tonight.

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah! So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? New crew?

Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty. (CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

But I know you in the future. I-i cleaned your poop. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. You will meet me when I'm a thousand years older.

Hello and welcome to a remarkable championship bout-- Destructor, a robotic armored tank whose very use in battle has been ruled a war crime...

(BUZZING) So those magic beans are actually genetically engineered? You can't just meddle with life like that. Who do you think you are? God? I wish. Then I could stop these things from collapsing under their own weight. Why are you committing these atrocities against nature?

Phew! That was close.

My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Why don't you slip into something more fiery? Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow.

Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior. Therefore, the battle is already over. The winner? Me. Ha, ha! Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

It's like brainwashing. Didn't you have ads in the 20th century? Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal.

Nachos? Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand...

Uh-oh. He froze up again.

Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular-- Yeah! Make me famous, big head! Caucasian human male. What? Hey, now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day? This is an outrage! What's the point of pullin' the biggest pool caper ever if nobody knows you did it?

You want some lemonade? You saw a big parade?

It's funny. Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster. So the answer's yes.

Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys. You've got the hat. So what? I mean, sure, it looks cool and it makes me smart but it doesn't make me happy. That's so sad. I didn't even know monkeys could cry.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten,

It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun. But, Pops, I don't wanna have fun. I wanna be like you-- boring, but prudently invested. Babylon's bells! I tallied almost 300 bananas on this entertainment product! Now, you put 'em on and have fun! I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun!

Oh, Hermes. Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach.

NARRATOR: And now, The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan, brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax. I wax my rocket every day!

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh... Let me just patch you up with some hot resin. I think the leak's stopping itself. Wait... wait.

On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a Socialist newsletter. Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it!

Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

Uh-oh. Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted.

Nice catch, idiot. So, where are we going anyway? Nowhere special-- The Moon. The Moo-- The Moon? The Moon Moon?

What's this under the chocolates?

What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you? SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich,

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000. FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

The point is, I'm an actor and nothing more. I have no interest in being admired for something as inconsequential as my appearance or my personal life.

O great space king, I humbly beg you to return my human horn. Uh, human horn? Oh, how ridiculous. Why would a virile male like lrrr need human horn? I don't even know what it's for. What is it, something you put in salad dressing? Like you've ever seen a salad. My weight is appropriate and attractive!

Whoo! I'm the greatest! Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew! But we only have the one medal. So please direct all your admiration to the main guy,

That's not Earth. Oh.

Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie! Now, now, Garbly, if we don't eat our vegetables, we won't grow big and strong, like Feffernoose. I have to be big and strong to fight off the monsters.

Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

My foot's cold.

But not too cheap. I'll take the cash, and you can have the credit. I don't want the credit! Genetic engineering is wrong! Oh, really? Tell that to your old friend, the giant. (SCREAMS) Where is he? Oh, God, he's invisible now! Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan. Aha! You see?

Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four." See? Nothin'. Told you, losers!

Zoidberg, are you coming? Sure. Me?

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah. I'm scared and confused.

He wasn't original. He wasn't a Martian. He wasn't Philip Fry. And since when is he a "The"? You're twice the "The" he ever was. It's clovering time.

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh!

Bender-- damage report. The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight.

Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

This show's been going downhill since season three. Look who's here, everyone. It's Zoidberg, the lovable tramp! Since when are you performing at children's parties? Performing? What?

Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

You guys are crazy. Leela doesn't need surgery. You look great the way you are. Oh, that's so sweet, Fry. But for once in my life, I just want to look normal. But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think.

You rotten kids!

I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

How about a few words, Professor? I said "words."

Why aren't you firing randomly into those birds, little lady? Don't you wanna help 'em? Not this way. What? Why, you're not a tree-huggin' kook at all. Look, I don't know if shooting penguins will help the environment or not, but I do know the decision shouldn't be in the hands of people... who just wanna kill for fun.

Take whichever one you want.

Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

(GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Oh, Leela, it's so great to see your beautiful face again. Let me give you a hug. Uh, okay. Go in that corner. It's the hugging corner. You, too, Bender.

You are free to go. Sorry about all the rustling and kidnapping. But what about your sacred land? Land, schmand. We don't want to live on this planet. It's a dump. We'll buy new planet and act like it's sacred. With cash like this, who's going to argue? Nobody, that's who.

There's a lot more where that came from! (COUGHS) I can't see them anymore! What if they're mating? Who cares? Just release your milt already! Everybody's doing it! No! I refuse to release anything unless it's in the vicinity of the eggs of the fish I love!

And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia.

You see, that fossil was made of dolemite, the tough black mineral that won't cop out when there's heat all about.

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime. Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos.

(KIDS LAUGHING) (GRUNTS)

If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity.

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh! Ah... prewar scotch.

I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate.

A toast to Leela. She showed us it's wrong to eat certain things. Hear, hear! Let's get drunk! Aw, thanks, guys. Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig. Who wants dolphin?

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING)

What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer.

Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know.

Sorry, everyone, but need I remind you? Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water."

You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass.

penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile.

let's call it a draw. (CHEERING)

The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps.

BENDER: In and out of the club 13 times in one night. That's a record. Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out. Yeah, me. I set the record. (SCOFFS) This is as useless as those pictures you photoshopped. Look, just give me one more chance. I got a source.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo.

That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm!

Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I-- And now that I have nothing to live for,

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp!

Goulash? No! Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue.

Also Wolfman. Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him.

It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

It's that hot, it is!

And I'll take my answer in any form but a song. Oh, you're no fun.

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

Who are you? I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

from. Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused. Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not. Go ahead. I won't stop you. Threaten all you-- Wait. What? We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in.

Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof. Rats. Guess I was falling for more than 10 seconds. Hi, Leela. Fry.

No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I-- What a lovely face. We just need to draw attention away from the eye area.

if I don't want to be embarrassed. (INAUDIBLE)

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender!

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot!

Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry. I can never repay him his $10, so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself.

Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser.

Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

Don't listen to him, Lrrr. Bender may seem happy (BENDER LAUGHING) but long-term, you need to reinvest in your relationship with Ndnd.

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up.

All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me? Oh, Fuff, enough of your superstitious nonsense.

Remember the code of the ice. Thick and blue, tried and true, thin and crispy, way too risky. Shows what you know. Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky.

Oh, Calculon! It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory.

However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again. I found the board! Now I've simulated that collision using shrapnel-vision. Granted, all that makes perfect sense.

(MURMURING) We find the Donbot... Dramatic pause. Not guilty. (ALL GASP) What? Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot.

He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

Ah, that would be very expensive. And most people who believe in Bigfoot are broke. Hey, look! Bigfoot, he's back! Where? Up your face. Everybody, do the Bender.

He shut you up, O'Connor. Mr. Waterfall, you may now present arguments... on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg. Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks. Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos? Oh, Land o' Goshen.

And now, judgment. The winner will become the new Iron Cook. The loser is doomed to scrub. Whose confection will achieve perfection? Whose food stuff will be the good stuff?

Our planet's rotation was gradually slowing. At first, it seemed beneficial. Long, dark nights for sleeping, long, sunny days for sleeping. But then it got too hot. (MEOWING IN PAIN) And too cold. (SHUDDERING)

I didn't hurt you, did I?

Come on, it'll be fun. Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine. What?! Drinking wine is a sin-- Even if it is deliciously fortified. Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand. Thou shalt not snatch.

Gravity normal. Air returning.

See that waitress there? Yowzah! I know what I want for dessert. That's my fiancÉe, Mildred. Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top.

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications. Oh, good! A physical!

Too true, Femputer. You're so wise. Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance. Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch. Nothin'.

Indeed, and we're next if we can't keep it in our collective pants. Our sole hope is to persuade the people of Earth - to abandon their smutty ways. (WHIP CRACKS) So, the orgy's off? (GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me?

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe.

Cornelia, my love, will you marry me? Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg. (RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks!

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot?

What up? I can't just stand by and be silent about Bender anymore. Silent? You've been meddling for two solid weeks. Well, I can't just do that anymore. Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself. Really? I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much.

Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry. I'll never forget the feel of his soft skin against my flailing fists. (SOBS)

Conquer Earth, you bastards! Conquer Earth, us bastards!

U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry.

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass. I'll fetch my hand tools. Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine?

Better than nothing. What about me? Can I come back at severely reduced pay? You got it, mon. In fact, severely reduced pay all around. Come on, wife. Let's blow this joint. Now it's time for my song.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

Folks, tell the neighbors to watch your mouth 'cause your taste buds are going on vacation. I made you each your own special meal so dig in! It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

Whoo-hoo! Randy! After weeks of searching, I'm proud to introduce the five people willing to participate. Tonya, Bender, Greg, some kind of blob monster, and Petunia! The extra clicking you'll hear is gonna be my hip.

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again?

The debris from an alien spaceship. Son, I think I can safely say-- As you can see, 1947 is going to be... an eventful year for the town of... Roswell, New Mexico.

This actual peace treaty is hereby enacted. Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING) (ALL CHEERING) What do you say, sewer plum? Want to give it another go? Well, I am still in my wedding dress. And we still have a cake.

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain. Oh, and bring my toboggan.

I got a real big mouth

I've got to redeem myself.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Maybe not, but what if the artificial gravity were to malfunction? Float for your lives!

Allow me to introduce myself.

(BOTH MOANING) We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

(ALL SCREAMING) They shrink-wrapped the whole city. Well, it could be worse.

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS)

Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga?

Then I'll prove I'm alive by telling you something only I could know. There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left. It's too beautiful to open. Can I open it? Sure. There's just one thing I want you to do. What?

SMITTY: Attention, criminal robot in the building! Come out with your hands up! Never! SMITTY: Other guy.

Santa's right. We need some sort of robot. Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

It's too beautiful to open. Can I open it?

Now, what's going on there? History. Hang on. I just want to make one stop.

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya! But don't tell no one. Spread the word. As the duly elected mobsters of this union,

Now we can practice for the big game. We figure, if we can beat five Larry Birds, we can beat anybody. Cloning is wrong. It's wrong, I say! Oh, I just hope that mysterious dragon ghost doesn't show up at the lab again. But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing?

7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

(GASPS) Assie? Oh, Assie, you came home! You came home.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid!

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes!

John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis! Oh, yeah? Take this and that! (TAUNTING) Why, you lousy...

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point? I've never been able to put into words how I feel about you. But somewhere among these trillions of hearts, those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them.

(BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool. Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING)

Time heals all wounds.

Yeah. On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack. Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am!

There were tough times, but we all pulled together. I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy... What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days.

Mommy, why do the robots give you presents? Shove a big old melon in it! I'm talking! Ow. You've noticed I design all my robots with antennas. Everyone thinks it's just to make them look more science-fictiony. But the antennas are really for my universal robot controller.

Should we follow him? To our deaths? Negatory. It's the Y2K trying to lure us into an ambush, and I ain't buyin' it. Pass the bologna.

The deal will go ahead as--

He won't wake up if we stay quiet. (EXCLAIMS) (GROANS) Nibbler! Scat! - (EXCLAIMS) - (MUSIC STOPS) Why is it so impossible for two people to be completely alone?

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible."

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight.

Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

(POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow!

Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then? It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window.

Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

10,000 views? That's more than most water-skiing squirrels get. You really think I have a chance? Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out!

Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer.

Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club.

No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it.

If you ask me, Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness. Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all.

What is the meaning of this? We got a delivery, people. Let's move! Let's move!

Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you.

Morbo interrupts Bowling For Quatloos to present breaking coverage of the birth of Senator Chris Travers. We now go live to the delivery room, where we're already at there. (MOANS) Ow! Back, please. She needs room.

Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me.

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears?

I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos! You, old man? Hmph. Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively at him.

and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won!

This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell.

(SCREAMING) Look out for the next thing! (SCREAMING) Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops.

Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you, I would leap from this very balloon. Come on with that. Really? Yes! We were meant... to be. So, you really and truly love me?

if I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye Now it's back into our tenements to drown ourselves in rye You did the best you could I guess, and some of these gorillas are okay Hooray! We're adequate! The elves have rescued Xmas Day Hooray!

The keys to the ship! They must have fallen into the crate. Aw, Leela's going to kill me. Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever.

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it. No more killing.

- and does. - Damn right!

Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner. Zoidberg? Zoidy poo, please tell me frilly is in this year. I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will.

Quickly. To Mount Shushmore! This is our last chance, Fry! When the alien ship plays the tone sequence,

Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy." My God! It's from The Central Bureaucracy! I'm having a poker game tonight with some friends from my old cryogenics job.

Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate. Well, it's quite simple, really. When one of my species experiences deep feelings of love, we enter a so-called "receptive state."

We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

Just be sure to stay out of the methane swamps. (SNIFFING) What smells like methane?

You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it?

Doesn't it bother you even a little... to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's trust? Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha!

I'll pretend to be dying of space plague.

ANNOUNCER: Moon-ladies and moon-men, presenting the defending champions, the queens of hostility from the Sea of Tranquility, the Murderflies! And now their opponents, the vixens most horrible from the big blue marble, the WingNuts.

old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap.

And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms. This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork.

Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot.

Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it!

ALL: Pet it. Pet it.

What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat. This will not stand! I'll take you on, you air-balling bozos!

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy.

Holy hell! You're going to eat them? Oh! Well, just make sure you eat them all.

I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior. It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these.

I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum. Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go! Miss Leela? Yes, Sally?

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car. But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob?

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING)

Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger? Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

Feeding time. Hmm...

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-- Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats.

All bow before the great Metal Lord!

We're whalers on the Moon, we carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales, so we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem. Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players.

Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die.

Attention, job deserters! Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship?

Oh, man. Come on! Comin' through!

You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call. Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced?

Your granny can go to hell! I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here.

(GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man. Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar.

That seems like a fact worth knowing.

Brace for emergency landing!

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere.

But Your, um, Martian-ness.

Only the Sunday Edition can do's that. Goodness. There must be 50 papers in that bundle. That's a big number-- 50. Yeah, if you're an idiot. Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off!

Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky.

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five?

Inspector 5, the best inspector a kid could want. The day I was built, he looked me over, probably with tears of pride in his eyes, and proclaimed to all the world, by means of this scrap of paper, that I was perfect and infallible in every way. Hey, Mr. Perfect,

So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away. I guess a welding torch is no way to catch a rat. What were you thinking? This is coming out of your pay! Well, I'm back. What'd I miss? Looks like the building burned down.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember. I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop.

And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button!

one... (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC) Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.

Move it, Fry! - Well, so long. - Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe. Got to go! (IN DR. ZOIDBERG'S VOICE) Robot? Yes, 'tis I, Bender.

Umbriel, these are some Yankees. So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time? I think it was just an airport. They had a place where you could buy nuts. No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York.

Oh! I never felt so empty inside.

Looky here. My first government stipend check. Twelve baby humans, 1,200 wing-wangs.

Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like.

The sun provided plenty of warm, dozy light. The chicken-salmon roamed free. Yet disaster loomed. Our planet's rotation was gradually slowing. At first, it seemed beneficial. Long, dark nights for sleeping,

No one except a legendary limbo champion. Oh, Hermes. Ooh, it's been a while. Ah!

So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel.

Get a load of that!

I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare! Mr. Fry, are those your underpants?

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead. What was that? Oh, nothing!

I'm the first one to work. A new low. - Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender! A surprise funeral for me? We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered. Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor.

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

One Leela, please. And use your finest balloons. Wow, you're good.

Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses. Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't? Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.

Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend? Me? Me? Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans,"

Mr. Bender, would you high-five him so that we can continue this meeting? And on the rebound?

Well, it seems everything is under... (GASPING) (MUTANTS CLAMORING) Two! Four! Six eyes! The mutant people will arise! The segregation of the mutant people ends today.

just as I suspected. These robots were buried in improperly shielded coffins. Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms.

You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity. Up yours, Zoidberg-- up wherever your species traditionally crams things.

Some of the tunnels have metal bars, so I'll need someone who's good at bending. Leela, how about you? Sure, I'll do it. Like hell you will! Bending's my middle name. It is? Yep. My full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez. Here's the entrance.

Kill it afore it puts a bun in its own oven and repopulates the bleeding planet. No! Angus is right. I thought you were named Angus. We're all named Angus. Please, Mr. Peppy won't attack your livestock. He's a vegetarian, and he's not even preachy about it. Poppycock. Once he gets the smell of bones,

Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo!

I... am... Destructor!

(SIGHS) (APPLAUSE) Amazing. You move like a young, roach-infested Gene Kelly. Oh, my God. It's Randy! Damn right!

Greetings, soft ones. Who among you is your leader? MEN: He is. WOMEN: She is. Curious. You are a diarchic society? Um. Maybe. Whatever we are, I'm the leader of it. Leader? Fat man, you couldn't even run a bath.

Wonder what this doo-cracky does? Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box!

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street. I was havin' whiskey with Boesky and cookies with Milken. But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis. Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease. There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged...

Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

Ah, come here, precious. Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre. That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on. Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on.

This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

Ah, Mom, do we have to?

But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk.

You got a problem?

You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company

You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

Why the hell would I? We're all guys here. Sweaty, hairy, gassy guys. Good point. I guess. You're my kind of soldier, Lemon-- A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle. So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home?

Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind?

LEELA: What's that? Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color, totally different from any other color or combination of colors.

Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling, and right before you hit the ground you wake up? Those are great. If only there were a way to make Fry land softly, this would all be over.

Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme

Followed by the reading of his will. Well, I'm rich. Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated. Come on. It'll be fun.

How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know?

...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff. Hurry up. I want to see the Moon. Relax, it's open till 9:00.

Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet.

Whoa. Big Bender starts right now.

Only I have his lobster-like tenacity. Up yours, Zoidberg-- up wherever your species traditionally crams things. The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up.

Okay, we're in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere. just stay put and enjoy this calendar.

Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need-- mouthwash, a back wax, and stain-proof underwear.

You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity? Uh... yeah. That rings a bell.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore.

Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though. Oh! I saw Bigfoot crushing cars at the county fair. What you saw was Bigfoot, the monster truck. But thanks for a great question. Sir, if I may, why don't you just set up...

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow!

When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you.

Ahad. Steim. Shalosh!

Greetings, superheroes. Remember me? I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it!

Good ending. Not great.

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

MAN: Go back to Roboklahoma! Order! In the matter of Everyone v. Farnsworth, the alleged creationist faces a sentence of death by melting. Who is representing the accused? I am. I am, Your Honor. (ALL GASP) Bender, what the hell are you doing?

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two?

You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

Ow! Oh! Oh! Ow! My eye!

He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me. Al?

trendy nightspots... beautiful Women-- The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment.

Everyone out of my body, or the brain gets it! He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh!

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

You see, the plan is about to enter phase two. As soon as someone reaches a million followers, I'll use them to transmit the twit-worm. Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm.

Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer.

(GASPS) That's me! I recognize the face. (CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus! No! No! What have I will have done? Man, that's heavy. Osmium heavy.

You all go without me. I'm going to take one last look around. You know, for, uh, stuff to steal. You're going back for the countess, aren't you? All right. I am, but I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back just say I died robbing some old man. I'll tell him you went out prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger.

Bender was a truly special-- Louder and sadder! Bender was a truly special--

Anyway, just before the impact our smartest scientist managed to save one baby. Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me.

Whoa! They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria, just like the one I used to work at! Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you.

I remember the square-dancing stomachs. Although that might have been a Mylanta commercial. Wait! The brains! I do remember! But no one else does. They said I was crazy. On the contrary. You remember because... you were the only one immune to the brains' mental attack. Because I'm so smart?

Not my fault. I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide! (GRUNTS)

Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing? This penniless chump was stealing drinks, ma'am. I see. Here you are, sir. Keep the change. You got it. Oh!

Surfing helped me chill out, honey. When you're down there riding the waves, the wind ripening in your face, everything just makes sense, dude. You mind if I call you dude, princess? Look, I don't want to put a rat in your face-cage, or whatever you kids say nowadays, but Zapp's using Mom to get to me, and I'm going to prove it!

And I remembered the last time I was truly happy.

Come over here and feel my velour bedspread.

For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting, finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe.

Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course.

You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary.

Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING)

At least I still have my self-respect.

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry. You know those dreams where you're falling,

And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias. Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha!

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink?

This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home. You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed--

You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy.

We did it! We won! Yeah, but it'll never bring back my Martini. Well, who wants a Martini?

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu!

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What's the matter, private? Tent got your tongue?

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go! (LAUGHING) Now, dig the unintended consequences.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Shut up. Come on. Say "Mama."

So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to. We'd be shredded across the time-space continuum like human coleslaw. Yum. Observe. Ah...

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai! Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow,

Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five

No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired. This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing...

No, it's not! (MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator. Minus the food, the bunny rabbit wallpaper-- I'm gettin' a hundred bucks a kid, and they're costin' me 110! Ugh. There goes my new kitchen cabinets. I'm not sittin' through one more P.T.A. meeting!

(MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION)

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Oh, Mama! Daddy!

And though you're cold and sore and ugly Your pride will mask the pain Let my happy smile warm your heart There's a toy lodged in my brain

I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.

What is it? I burned my finger.

Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy. It's okay. I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say.

Why not indeed! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks. Oops. Sorry.

Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything? Yep. We're there. Prepare to surface!

My nose! Light of my face!

It's the end of the line. We're ruined! What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

That is one unlucky guy.

Agnew, show them. (GRUNTS) There. How do you like your stupid ball now? (LAUGHS) (SOBBING) (NIXON READING) ANNOUNCER: That concludes the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

I'm gonna start by keeping my old cell phone, even if it is outdated. Hello, Miss Turanga. Your call to St. Louis has gone through. Well, let's at least throw this TV out. The batteries in the remote are getting low. No! Put that back and turn it on! I was just trying to help.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right. We're all set. Nothin' like the rustic wholesomeness of working with one's own hands.

All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

You're garbage, human garbage!

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap. I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack.

I'll take care of this.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry!

I wanted to offer you the chocolates. I truly did. But I was concerned about your waistline. Very concerned. It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday. Humans have been vacationing in our habitat for years.

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there. You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America. Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum!

Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand.

Just pretend like you're pathetic. Help, I'm scared! I wet myself. I'm crying like a baby and I'm soaking in pee, but what else is new? (CRYING)

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train! That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez.

I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime.

but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash," or "I have to meet the president." Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny?

I didn't shoot yet. As usual, your delivery arrived too soon.

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance? Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate. Have I ever led you to believe I have studied karate?

I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me. Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car.

Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

A blank wall! Fame is mine!

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender. Hey, I did it. Wait, that's not me.

My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again. Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas?

Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo. Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln?

God rest her zombie bones.

- Hey, guess who I just got off the videophone with? - No!

Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there. Ohhh! Ninety actors and they all got booed.

I'm still acting bureaucrat of Planet Express and I have some changes to make. First, Fry, you're fired. Second... Not so fast. While I was sorting I came upon a certain document filed by one Morgan Proctor. Form "B." Notification of romantic entanglement. That's right. She fraternized me.

But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four. So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors-- How very Neutral of you. What? That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing:

(GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go. (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Creatures have taken over my house

I'm a real toughie. Squaring off this Sunday, versus... Destructor. I will destroy you! And stop calling me. I am Destructor's trainer, Master Funog.

You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him. Although he is completely right. We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com.

I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

(CAMERA CLICKING)

This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them! Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody.

All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne.

You see, when I first went foraging, what I actually found was the smoldering wreckage of the ship. Ignoring all danger, I charged inside to liberate our provisions. So, this is the trail mix Fry gave me! Yes. I exaggerated when I said I picked it from the treetops.

Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand.

Item one: Box. Check. Item two: Sun. Oh, that's a big check. Ooh!

It sure was. Oh, yeah. I had Snu-snu. So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

No, it doesn't. I improved it using fancy modern technology.

Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids? There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg. I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness.

What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you?

Mmm. Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic.

That was the meanest thing I ever saw. Good. Maybe it'll work. Oh!

Well, it didn't work.

Yeah. Hmm. Fry! Hermes! Where my humans at? Ah, who cares? It is on. (DOORBELL RINGING)

I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender. And don't skimp on the nasty. There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

Farewell. Noooo! She's gone. But she saved all our lives.

I thought so, too, at first. But it seems I was simply rotated into an orthogonal time that runs at right angles to this one. I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time. I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button.

They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style. Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

Host man, host woman, I'm having a wonderful time. You here five hours and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting and fill pool with brine shrimp. Not bad for a city boy, huh?

Oh-oh. Here, you drive. Fry, are you all right?

Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat!

I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999. (GASPS) That's the day I fell in the freezer tube. (CHOMPING) I, too, was on Earth that day, on my mission to ensure Fry's successful transport to the future. But I recall no such music.

Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time. There must be layers and layers of old stuff down there.

Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

(ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap.

It's the waiting I can't stand. That's stupid.

I will go this far and no further. And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth.

Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend? Me? Me? Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

It's not filth. It's a glorious monument to the achievements of the 20th century. Look, a real beanie baby. Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay.

(GROANING) You okay, ma'am? I think your soda water broke. (GRUNTING) (BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING)

You don't want to be late for work. You know what? I don't want to deliver pizzas tonight. I'd rather have one last night with my family. You mean before the Y2K turns our computers and waffle irons against us? Wise choice, son. You're gonna get fired, Phil. How are you gonna pay off your debt to the Columbia House Record Club if you keep losing jobs?

A freshly dug robot grave.

(MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me. (ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Squidification? If you say so. Wait a second. How could beans possibly cure her?

Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry.

Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance.

So, my humiliation is over? Who are you?

The humiliated conspirators were forced to sign the Declaration of Dependence, proclaiming British rule forever. Meanwhile, a loyal Brit by the name of David Farnsworth, tracked down the traitor, George Washington, and bravely smothered him with his wig.

(GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot.

(GRUNTS) Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps!

Eighty-six the chump stuff, F-man.

Come on. Let's go tell Leela, so we can grow up together.

Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk! I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it.

I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is. (LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m...

I'm free! Oh, you hear that? I'm actually laughing. This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this! Psst. You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap ready for transplant. Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything.

Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up. Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness.

These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold. This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

concerning the night of December 31, 1999. The day I got frozen? What about it? No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh! What happened to me, Philip J. Fry, on the night of December 31, 1999?

The Internet! My God. It's full of ads.

Sorry you struck out, sausage link.

Now, like all great plans my strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons clogging them with wreckage. Wouldn't it make more sense to send the robots in first-- Sir! I volunteer for a suicide mission!

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One.

The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes! (SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy.

No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon (WOMAN SQUEALING) Hey. Oh. Piscopo. This guy.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope. Stop exploding, you cowards!

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they?

Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot?

It was... the Windows logo!

That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds. Wait. What about the animals?

I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud. This isn't even a real bow tie, it's magnetic. Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

(SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview? Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing.

(COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops!

Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled.

Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert! You're Hubert? The older brother?

that I was perfect and infallible in every way. Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair. Huh? It wasn't me. Must be some of that urine you're all so proud of. That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of...

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round.

Psst. Leela! I've set up a time-proof shelter in the closet.

So what you think you just explained to us is that--

To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear.

Unlike me. (BOTH GASP) I can't watch... Enough. Oh, no! Hey, wait a minute.

As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe. This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"? Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"?

I'm a professor. See you in class.

Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it. I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here.

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela.

What are you, gay?

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough.

We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo. You mean...? Correct. I found a giant, hideous ape that looks exactly like Leela. It doesn't look anything like me. The hair is all wrong. Don't worry, Kiff is an expert stylist as you can plainly see. Mmm!

(CHUCKLING) Now I'll just have someone duplicate your guitar. Thanks, sucker. (LAUGHS) You're the sucker, sucker. See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar.

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap. I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack.

Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that. Maybe he'll die if I rub him all over with it, real slow. (GRUNTING) (WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics!

Zoidberg was popular?

What? Not you, though. You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel! (SIGHING)

Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

- Really? - Whaaa---

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner.

Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

Alas! I'm afraid I'm not the original were-car. I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as... Calculon! Oh, fate most cruel!

and preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching?

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused. Oh, my.

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son!

Which I do... very much. Now, get to work! Life is good.

No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil!

The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z. Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS)

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

This was the storage room. My dad spent years turning it into a bomb shelter. And yet you guys never had a single nuclear war. What a waste.

That thing doesn't have emotions, Fry. Its brain is the size of a walnut.

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

We never even left this building. What?

Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical." Hey, hold on. I understand these robots hate humans but how do they feel about humanoid aliens? They're not fans. That's why Bender will have to make the actual delivery. Oh, I get it-- make the robot do all the work.

I underestimated you. Wait. I can explain. Nah, don't ruin it. I'm loving the hypocrisy. It's like catching an evangelist in a whorehouse. That was the best Christmas ever. You know I hate lying. But those orphans were so proud of me,

Yes, from Chester A. Arthur to Chester Z. Arthur, they're all here.

Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies.

(DOORBELL RINGS) Nu? Is this the professor's cloning lab? Cloning is a sin against nature! But yes. Follow me to the professor's cloning room. (MACHINERY BEEPING)

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

No cheap crack houses for me no more! Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

(GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location.

(HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed.

If only I weren't so desperately poor. Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you.

Ten, nine and so on... Three, two, one...

I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

just last week, a blind hiker felt him. Don't tell me you actually believe in Bigfoot, you blathering ninnyhammer. Of course I do. Bigfoot's my hero. Growing up, he was the celebrity I most identified with. Why? 'Cause he was a loner who hated the popular monsters, yet longed to be one.

You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days.

and never allowed to return. Oh, cruel fate! Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage? Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken? Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.

Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who! But we already have a client signed up. We're delivering the Daily Supernova.

Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk.

You know, it's not easy being an orphan. Not if I have anything to do with it. Oh, God! But today's honoree, Turanga Leela, has really made something of herself. I'll never forget the night that cute little alien baby was abandoned on our doorstep.

Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance. Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to...

Stop! Stop flattering me. Ten-hut! Well, well, well, if it isn't Lee Lemon the flaming star of Brannigan's Rough Rangers. Say, uh, Lemon, do you like to read? I just got a great book on tape. It's about life in ancient Greece and...

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen? Does this ring a bell? Are you telling me the stuff we did in private,

No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either. Then prepare to be embarrassed. (ANNOUNCER READING) Or...

Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna? This time you'll have all the human comforts.

Okay, let's clone us a whole team of Larry Birds. Now we can practice for the big game.

Thank you, sir. You got the toenail. Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry.

On this auspicious occasion, let the Horn of Eternity cut a thunderous blast! The Feast of a Thousand Beasts is begun!

Ow! (SCREAMS) Well, enough governing. It's Saturday morning, damn it. Let's watch some cartoons.

Hey guys, are you coming to the party or not? Where's McMasters? He turned out to be such a nice guy, didn't he? Totally, we should go on a retreat like this every year. AMY: Yeah! (ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY) HERMES: Every year!

A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it. Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay. Are you sure? Definitely. Unless I'm getting interference from a gay weather balloon. You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common.

So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank. Deny my credit card application, will you?

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. You're under arrest for crimes against science. No! Could you drag me by the restroom?

This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things. No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh!

(STAMMERING) A ghost?

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon.

Don't hit me! I bet the Professor will be thrilled to see you again. Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo!

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding? We'll decide what you were doing after an illegal search.

Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

Stop exploding, you cowards!

No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

care to give the what-if machine a whirl?

I'm in love! Aw... Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness! Listen, lady, as you can plainly see I'm a highly desirable male, groaning with jelly yet I embrace a life of celibacy in order to uphold our crazy traditions.

What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

NARRATOR: Of all the creatures on Earth, none has a more thrilling life cycle than the intrepid salmon. It all begins in a cold, freshwater stream, where the salmon eggs incubate. I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name?

For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend-- a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment.

And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

They had their chance. Let's go! ZAPP: Mind if I appear?

You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even. You know, Coilette, I've never before met a woman as fascinating as I am. You're such a sweet, soft fembot, yet you have this free spirit about you.

You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay.

And so, on the basis of one great performance that almost no one saw, I'm proud to dedicate Calculon's posthumous star on the Walk of Fame!

Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet!

Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras.

Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

- Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

Unauthorized data access. Uh-oh.

Never! My ass is my soul mate. It even has its own hind-brain. Really? Your butt can think? No. But it can feel. And right now, it's hind-heartbroken!

Miss Leela? I have a question. Yes, Albert? That story was bad. That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story. I'm sorry, kids. I'm not a natural storyteller. But I promise, I'll make up a better story and come back again. Please don't. See you soon.

I want to live!

Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful. Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant?

And then there's your so-called entry. (SNEEZES) Jeez! Walk much, Gedgie? Absurd. You really think your guinea pig can survive in the vacuum of space? He already survived in the vacuum of my mom.

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman! And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu!

I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look. This throws my entire perception... of reality into question.

Are you ready to get down, get funky with us? He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat.

Well, let's see. My memory's a little fuzzy, but it went exactly like this.

Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert--

Oh, boy, here we go. I built this castle with my own two slaves! What are you gonna do, kick me out?

Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all--

Bender, your swarthy Latin charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous child acting units here. Look, there's Macaulay Culkon!

The Yarn People of Nylar Four.

I'm speaking to you from the hickory farms in Grover's Mall, New Jersey, through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air?

Yes! He chose me. He's trying to kill me. Leela, I'm so happy. Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

This solar system is, like, way old! Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash! Everything's getting older the closer we get to that ancient, burnt-out sun!

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score.

Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful. - And huge. - Can I touch it? So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare,

Silence! Come forward, Bender.

It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency.

So who should I root for? America or one of those countries I learned about at the food court?

Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

ALL: Oh! Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle. Leela, you're alive.

He always wanted to drift forever. But through the American Southwest!

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?

This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw.

You have pleased your queen. Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste?

Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret.

I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h! I think cosmetic surgery's great, Leela.

I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth! Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now I have to pay them! I'm tired of your yapping!

You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy.

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

Permission to come aboard? Granted, shnookums.

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry!

Bender, did you have something to do with this? Of course not! Holy Spitz! He's sporting skintight Speedos! They don't leave much to the imagination. Actually, on a robot, they sorta do. One puny human got a look at the robber-- Here we go. Here we go! Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular--

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry.

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds.

If it takeS forever I Will wait FoR you For a thousand summers

that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! (EXCLAIMS)

We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet... We don't have long.

- Oh, no. - Oh, no. Make a wish.

Not... I. Not... I.

Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

Nothing is impossible.

Aah! This wangs chung. After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever. No heat. No power.

But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die! Too true, Femputer. You're so wise. Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance. Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot.

Making a noise. All systems operational. Let's rock.

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing. One year to go. Six months. I'm almost there, Leela.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela.

Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me. Hey, wh-- what?

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero!

General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal. Damn it, I'm supposed to be perfect! Inspector 5 gave me his blessing!

I mean physically. What do you want? just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might. Leela, who are you talking to? just a broken-down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer.

Who wants to help me break into the hospital in Kenya?

You fellers want to stick around for the hanging tomorrow? It's gonna be a doozy. (GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people. Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS)

(ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly!

So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you.

Sir, I'm outfitting an expedition to a monastery high in the Himalayas. I'll need a long-sleeved coat. Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

LEELA: Move it along! (BELL TOLLING) Nope. (BIRD CHIRPING) Nope. (BABY MOBILE TINKLING) Man, I always wanted to ride in that stroller. But nope. Where could I have heard that music?

How can you date a ship, anyway? It'd be like me dating a really fat lady and living inside her, and she'd be all, like--

I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it? It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots.

You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out?

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen,

The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it? Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS)

And the winner is-- Leela.

(DOOR CREAKS SHUT) Come on, Calculon, you can't just quit acting. I was never an actor. I was a self-deluded blowhard full of hot air.

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us.

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one. "One if by land, two if by sea."

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat.

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train! That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez.

Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine... just get to work.

I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

I can move again. My music career is over.

No can do, Slurms.

Very concerned.

Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe. That's kind of pathetic. Oh, come on, Leela. Deep down, all girls want to be Miss Universe. Not me. Really? Maybe it's just cute girls. Due to the atom's tremendous value Planet Express would go bankrupt if it were stolen.

Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln. I was born in two hundred log cabins. And this here is Frankie. He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie?

(SOBBING) Thanks, Tissue Ghost. DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore. This is Walgreens brand nose paper. Zoidberg? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath? No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake.

Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream! Fry's jacket-- the one he was buried in!

Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night. (ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah.

Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine-meshed screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. Great. We're gonna die.

Yo, classmate, whatcha taking? Oh, I don't know. Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there.

But, Amy, you planned this whole thing to get the casino back! Yes, back to its rightful owners. Now just a hold on minute. This casino is wrongfully ours. Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes.

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) What? It's called line dancing, Professor.

I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows?

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande.

If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way, score some fancy cologne at the newsstand, I'll be exactly on time. You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention!

Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive. Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me!

As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill?

Let's go already!

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board,

Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it.

Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you. Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway?

(CRYING) It's the Professor. Yes, everyone look at the freak. His parents didn't love him, so they kept him here, 100 miles from the nearest microscope! (SNIFFLES) Why? Why?

some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run!

Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you.

I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better.

Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the... cute little Pom-Pom curtain pull-cords. Cruel though they may be, I--

(LAUGHING) Whoa! Looks like you guys had fun. Did we ever! Gram-gram fell down at the ice cream store and we got free ice cream! Now let's all go take a nap! (WHOOPING)

Shows what you know. Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky. (EXCLAIMS) Help, I'm drowning! Don't worry, son, you'll freeze before you drown.

I'm willing to take that risk.

Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping.

I like your style, Fry. You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you--

What the-- A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh. Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl?

I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball.

Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender?

(HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality.

Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman. Why were you sneaking into my people's Forbidden Valley? 'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it.

time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass.

I just have to sign Leela's birthday card. How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card. You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting. Does it have to be nude? I guess not. That never occurred to me. If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way,

So how are you going to lug all those gifts to Mom's factory? I'll get a couple of chumps to help me. Come on. You call yourselves chumps?

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow! Aw! Who are you?

Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please? A fight to the death.

You wrote "Commit the crime!" (LAUGHING) There's got to be some way to stop Bender. Maybe something in the Oracle's prediction that I missed before, due to incompetence. Wait. Who's the trigger-happy jerk?

You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so.

That's the last of them. All right, now, let's Mafia things up a bit. joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Uh, Donnie, baby give me a chance here, huh? Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik.

You rotten kids!

Shh! Watch your language. This ain't a church, lady.

I wasn't there, and you might have needed me. Nope. But if I had been there, I-- Nope. Look-- Nope. Bender's great. Nope. Oh! Listen, Leela, let me make it up by taking you out for dinner tonight. Nope. I've got a date with Chaz.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Gentlemen, ladies, let's get this globe trotting.

We still have the option of resorting to violence!

Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol.

I proudlwith Earth's new highest honor, the Polluting Medal of Pollution. Thank you. I deserve this. Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun,

It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me!

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.

Are you going to kill me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jrrr is.

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women.

(DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two,

They have a college kid wear that to attract customers. Well, I don't care if it was just some dork in a costume. For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it.

I call it "The Thing Longer". Observe. And... here we go... There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it?

Fragments of not potatoes? Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday!

Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel.

I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

My God, that poor kid. You're the last store open.

even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender?

My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar! Then maybe you should act better.

Thanks, guys, but let's be realistic. We all know any TV show that's even slightly good gets canceled.

21 red. I beg your pardon-- 33 black. Yes! The rich get richer.

Get ready for one sexy firehouse. Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle.

By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing-- Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

What if one of us is the creature? It could be any of us. Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING)

My name's Bender.

Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain? Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then. Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins! Freeze, bagwad.

Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING) Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego?

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem!

Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster.

Professor, no! Don't do it!

We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now.

how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back!

Harder! Harder! Why isn't this working? Some lazy or polite robot is holding it in.

So, there it is, people. Due to budget cutbacks, we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen. (SOBBING) (DOOR OPENS) Oh, boo-hoo.

but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who? It's good to see you. Is it good to see me?

A quantum interface bomb? Are you insane in the membrane? You got it, Poindexter!

Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

Eh... Just that Captain Brannigan confused the word for "congratulations" with the word for "spank your sister with bologna."

Clarification request. Are you the Philip J. Fry from Earth... or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up!

Huh? Bender! You tricked me!

Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you.

Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres. Sorrys, ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.

(CROWD CHEERING) CALCULON: And the first runner-up, who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING)

Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. But next time, by gosh, I'll get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn?

Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing?

Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow!

Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

Now, Admiral, in exchange for your promise not to attack us, we will grant you exclusive fishing rights in Supernova Scotia. (TRANSLATING INTO ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: Well, okay.

shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box.

I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you. H-H-He is? Great!

She... She's nuts. I can morph into a five-eyed alien and I kind of said I'd marry her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm really going to marry you. Oh, yeah? Then what about this? Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward.

(WHOOPING) (SCREAMING) My hair is caught! Bender! Turn it off! (SCREAMS) Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage!

- Hey, what have you heard? - Guards, seize him! Prepare to harvest the lower horn. Okay, you can have my nose.

Everybody's talkin' at me I don't hear A word they're saying only the echoes of my mind people stop and stare

I'm a thing. just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door. I don't need them-- Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies.

Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet. I'm okay, then. Storm dying down. Leo, check if buggalo herd is okay. Oh!

But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question. Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh!

You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production. I call the process "science." I'll just need to locate that guitar image on your file system. (GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING)

Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

for Earth! That's not Earth. Oh.

But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel!

Also with us are Nichelle Nichols A.K.A. Commander Uhura.

telling patients bad news,

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some.

(CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it. From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from.

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

Balderdash! I'll be the judge of who's cool using the Coolometer.

Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh. I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea.

The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right.

So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough.

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is-- 107! Whoa! Ow! And also, it hurt my feelings! What are you solids griping about?

(COUGHS) Big night, eh, Mr. Fry? The biggest, Janos. Check this out.

Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it! All right, I'm coming.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M.,

Death to the crab!

Because I will commence divorce proceedings. Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly. Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors. Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now.

No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars.

Bingo. Hmm. You call that an antenna?

Grabbing your spaceship was not okay. I lost my cool, and I'm sorry. In group, I learned that I tend to be a bit... Repulsive? (CHUCKLING) Sensitive. So now I'm, like, trying to work on my attitude, and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something.

Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke. My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain. All right. Enough lipstick. Let's storm out.

What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

One bowl of mild farina. Pay dirt! Hyah!

The box says, "No."

Fear not, my Lord. We shall be with you soon! You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me. We will solve our own problems as you commanded.

They found out I work with humans, and-- Oh no. Oh no!

What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Mom, what's my temperature? 50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh? Oh, sorry. 109. We'll check it again at halftime.

Hooray for the humans! Wow, I can't believe you guys did all this for me. This is the best Robanukah ever. We wanted to show you that we really do respect your robot heritage. Aw, thanks. You do know that I made Robanukah up to get out of work, right?

Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again! While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals.

(GROANING) (MUTTERING) Professor? What's the matter? I'm Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little,

(LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all.

You'll learn to love it. I know I did. I'm sorry, Zoidberg. I can't see you anymore. Something's come up. It's vomit!

My God, this Mr. Fry must be a mastermind of the highest order. Esther, you ugly. We have only one option.

When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

Well, you should have talked louder. Fortunately, I came up with a brilliant idea to save Planet Express. We'll turn it into a commercial airline! But that was my idea! Then you should have talked louder. What? (GROANING)

Konnichiwa, brother. TV anchor-monster, Morbo. Greetings, pathetic host. And a woman who ended a thousand-year galactic war... with her apple dandies, Martha Stewart's head. The secret is fresh pork.

Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces. Something wonderful.

I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate that the ceiling fan's gonna fall and knock Zoidberg unconscious. Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead, it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this. Hmm.

Shucks, it's still only half as beautiful as you. Whoa. Whoa. I wish this moment could last forever. Leela, my love, will you marry me? (GAGGING)

I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend.

At this rate, by Tuesday it will be Thursday. By Wednesday, it will be August. And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it.

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay. - Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa.

I can't shoot you. Bender, I found your trigger finger. Now I can. But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP)

Detonation in two, one-- Will the owner of a white Pontiac Firebird-- Oh, never mind. Zero!

Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large-- Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number.

Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner.

And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

Hey, this guy's all right.

A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish. I lance her every few months, but she always grows back.

Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Also, can I get my parking validated? The time has come to end injustice against robot animals. No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics,

Granted, we later learned some positive things about recycling, but a better solution is to use our electronics as long as possible instead of throwing them out in the first place.

To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four.

We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

The buggalo! They're in the crater! The rustlers must have seen me coming and run off scared. Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us!

If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney.

Okay, everyone, come and get it! Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back.

Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.

Okay, buddy up and look out for Omicronians. It's up to everyone to get their partner back alive. Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend. (LOW WHINING SOUND)

No, no. Wait. I-- I feel terrible about what happened. I've just been under a lot of stress lately down at the plant, you know? They're bringing in computers to "improve productivity," and, well, that's no excuse for how I acted.

That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan? Uh-huh. Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir?

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are.

(READING) Brought to you by Mutual of Omicron. Insuring your world, and its destruction. Tonight's planet, a primitive backwater known only as... (READING)

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness.

I am fully operational, Captain. We'll have to walk like robots talk like robots, and if necessary solve complex differential equations like robots. I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help? Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious.

It's a shmundred degrees, and all we have to drink are non-diet sodas. (ALL COMPLAINING) It's gonna ruin my figure. Wait, I forgot that Amana here is a refrigerator. If we could supercharge her Freon with a gas compressor, we might survive the heat and make it to the cave. Hey, yeah!

I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing-- Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome. Halt, fellow robot!

Hey. Wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour? Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome. - Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome! Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes. How may I direct your call? What's that? You haven't gotten your paper?

We only have three women on staff... (GASPS) "All female employees must pose nude if requested." And it is requested. (HAIR METAL PLAYING) On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat

Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom, so she can gut the company and eliminate us as competitors. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up? Yes. Why? I'm not trying to blow you up. I'm looking for... Well, you remember, don't you, Nibbler? Well, I... (CLEARS THROAT) It was just over a thousand Earth-years ago.

Come over here and feel my velour bedspread. I'm not really in the mood. Leela, it's real velour. just let yourself go. Can I please just go back to prison?

Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm an outdated piece of junk! - Sir, might I recommend-- - You shut up! No, wait! I can use you as a tool to save my friends, and I'll still be the hero who everyone says how great he was. How may I help you?

I'll save you, pants! Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need? (GRUNTING)

How could she do that to me, her Farnypoo! That's it? You hate robosexuals 'cause your girlfriend left you for a robot? She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot!

ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!

Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Aah! Everyone, to the fire door!

You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable! Well, I don't know anything about lifting, so that just leaves us the one option.

To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS) Thanks, dear. Off to work.

Fry, I have to talk to you. You're in terrible danger. You see Emperor Plon here? He met his end when he was drunk by Emperor Strug. And before he could even wipe his mouth Strug was drunk by Shwab. So? Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was?

That's not El Chupanibre. Say what? That's El Chupanibre. I'll take care of this.

It's boring out there. Yeah. You're the kind of guy who visits jerusalem and doesn't want to see the "Sexateria."

Oh, oh, my God!

Scoop Chang, Beijing Bugle.

Coilette, the skies themselves weep... upon the sweetest flower of all the field. Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it.

Continuing my confession, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than creating the bestest show in the world? I didn't create anything. I stole it. Stealing is a form of creativity. No, it isn't. Guys, come on out.

You're wasting your breath, Professor. He'll never understand a word of it. I understood the word "hat." Please, stop bickering. I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number.

I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver. Do you mind? Here you go. You can use this as an eye poker. Thank you, but I don't care how many eyes a man has. As long as it's less than five.

SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it,

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear.

NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens.

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No!

Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and--

Whoo-whooooo! Waaah! Leela, you can stop winning now. We won. I'm too short to reach the hand brake!

You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate. Sorry, that's Building C.

But what are those aliens trying to ask us? What do the tones mean? Isn't it obvious? Uh, no.

Leela, you may just be farmin' some free-range truth there. On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No! Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

No! Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist.

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw. Ready? Retreat!

There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS)

Now, then, while many of you do half-ass jobs and the rest do jobs whose ass ratio ranges from 42% to a mere 11%, only the most pathetically useless employee will be fired today.

Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't.

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go.

Everyone, grab your guns. I declare penguin huntin' season officially open!

It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry!

We will solve our own problems as you commanded. The time has come to convert the unbelievers! Convert them? To radioactive vapor!

Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan. I've got a better plan. Why would Nixon stay at the Watergate? They give you a discount if you've been here before.

Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars. Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal.

I lost it... in a volcano.

So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit.

Hey! Turn that damn music...

I get so little business I can't afford refunds. I don't know what's wrong with this location. I understand. (SNIFFLING) Please don't cry. I can't stand to see a living thing feel pain. You are a living thing. Right? Uh-huh.

Well? What is it? What is what? Oh, right! Ladies and gentlemen. We'll be delivering this mysterious crate to Peebles Alpha. Peebles Alpha? The planet of gangs, thugs and hustlers? Ooh! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Hang on. If we're delivering a package to criminals, I want to know what's in it.

Excuse me. Have you seen a giant brain? Yep. I let him help me whitewash Aunt Polly's fence. Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity. Please, no! Come on!

Report to my bedroom for a private exhibition. Hmm. Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you. Feast your eyes on this! It's beautiful.

W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity! I changed my mind!

Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah! And then he was ejected by the guards. Needless to say, I was mortified. It's not right to make my dead pet an exhibit.

Fry, are you all right? You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold! Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women! You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody. My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film.

Very nice. Get that robot some more beer. Hmm? We've trashed this room but that's just a start. We've got to get Fry's message to the people. People of New New York take a lesson from the 20th century-- stop all this pain-in-the-ass recycling and throw your garbage on the floor.

Well, hello there, my furry friend.

If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin!

Yes, definitely.

(SCATTING) (EXCLAIMING) We know what you've been doing, Bender. You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad!

I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity and, dare I say it, my friendship. Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines. You leave kitty cat alone!

This is where I keep various lengths of wire. And those are the Harlem Globetrotters. ALL: The Globetrotters? What you doin' wearin' an ascot, brother? I think it looks nice. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Did he use his tongue? A little.

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement, and that means I've got him right by his little... Ding-dong.

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper.

Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease? I'm afraid none. The only treatment is an incredibly expensive operation that just delays the symptoms for a few months. Oh! I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me?

Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well. Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here I suggest Fry give me a nice convincing kiss. Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm.

He wears sandals.

Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

(LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here.

Oh, great. Someone had a baby.

I'm sorry, Leela. I can't go on any further. just leave me to die in that barn over there. Oh, thank God.

Restrain the specimen.

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine!

I'll take care of this. Back. Back.

Bender, would you like to make a deal? I'm not stupid. So, yes, absolutely.

My only goal in life is to attend a Hollywood shindig. just pay the valet the two bucks. No. It's the principle of the thing. Besides, I think I see a parking lot up ahead.

I'm sure that whatever is happening can be explained by science. ROBOT GYPSY: Let the seance begin. FARNSWORTH: I said science! (PLAYING EERIE MUSIC)

(GROANING) No way, mon. He's faking it. (GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you. Their loss.

Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born. (BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead.

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left!

To Angleene! She's got it all-- looks, charm and the love of a fabulous bending robot. She sure does. Flexo!

No! Yes! I don't know! Why? Why did he do this to me?

What? Get his PIN number, you idiots! Now I'm off to some charity B.S. For knocked-up teenage sluts.

we upgrade him to man-bot. Can I get a mazel tov?

this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela. Yeah, Fry already wiped off some of the dirt with his finger.

(SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it. Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

You precognizant bastard. I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you. (STRAINING) Why can't I shoot you? (LAUGHING) Poor deterministic Bender. I programmed you to be incapable of harming me.

He's got arm hair.

What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child.

Who is this one-eyed female Baby Moses

That is nasty! Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open. You can't bend a wooden door!

Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

- Go get it, boy! - Ruff!

(BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip. You were in a zoo!

What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt. Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm.

Wait a minute. You're not the guy who delivers the rat droppings.

Fry? Where are you? Right here, baby. (GRUNTING) Uh, could you help me? Ah! Alone and unhooked. Let the evening begin.

They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Ow! Ooh! Ow! People, I won't let you enter. Popplers are as intelligent as you or me. You, maybe.

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle? Castle?

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure.

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

Bender, what happened? Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks!

Hey, get a load of this pathetic 20th-century TV. What's wrong with it? Well, aside from causing eye cancer these things had a lousy, low-definition picture. That's true. On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo.

No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Call him off. Funog? Hmm. Why won't anyone help me?

Hey, wait a minute. Isn't anyone going to defend us?

Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it.

Uh, let me think. Come and knock on our door na na na na na na Um, Mr. Roper, What's the holdup? Kiss my daughter already! Wait. I'm confused. Now, tell me, Fry-- Which one of these ladies are you involved with? Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you?

Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty,

I don't understand what you mean. just wake up. Please. just wake up, Leela.

You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me. (LAUGHING) It's funny because it's mean. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here forever. Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not!

Clamps! No, no. Line? No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers.

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything? Yep. We're there. Prepare to surface!

We've come a long way, baby. The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura.

But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot.

Okay. This is the TV area that over there is the breakfast nook and over here is where you'll be living which is great, 'cause till now it's just been wasted space.

My lord, the Queen is here for her weekly visit. The Queen? Sounds most satisfactory. All of you, out! Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is. Presenting the Queen of England,

causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right.

Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy. Eh. I think I'll just stay here.

Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage.

the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers...

I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a... Wait! Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands.

But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you, you must know how to help me. I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that.

What are you, senile? I'm not jumping in there. Hey, look. Coins.

Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy!

(GRUNTING) (SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt? Because it makes me feel happy and confused and wistful and sad.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

- What room? - Bathroom.

(BOTH LAUGHING) Hey, there she goes in the genuine. Let's get to hooting. (HOOTS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what?

The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

It's funny because it's poisonous.

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force. Uh... what say you, single female lawyer? I say... I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single.

Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

They want you to do it again. What? You'll do great. Just remember, you're getting devastating news, so act more humble. Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe! Now, stand back and watch the master at work. Whoo! You can do it, Calc-y!

Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain.

I thought you kids were that dragon ghost that's been spooking the town. Like, what's the story with the yakitori? Help yourselves. But I warn you, that chicken is over a year old. (CANNED LAUGHTER) Why is the food in your concession stand so old, Mr. Takei?

You got it. Oh!

(CAR STARTING) (TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition? I don't have any hands.

I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough.

But Hubert is my friend. He's very sick. I can cure him, but I need the thing, the thing from Triton. It'll cost you, John. How much are you worth now? I live in a dumpster. All I have in the world is this coupon for one free session at the tanning salon.

(SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING) (GRUNTING) (PANTING) (EXHALES) (ROARS)

By the way, what's happening? It appears this universe is exactly identical to the old one. If so, we just need to keep going forward in time to the point when we left! The Earth is born!

Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din. I'm blowing you a kiss! Mwah!

Life, death-- Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle. Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty.

You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve?

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep-- You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

MAN: In the year 105,105 If man is still alive If robot can survive They may find

Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway? Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side.

Aaah! Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh!

Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight.

It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor.

Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners!

And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender! Only a few more.

Take this and that and one of these.

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING)

The Moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it no matter how much you wanted to. But you're right. Once you're actually here, it's just a big dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes the way I used to.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it!

If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme, and you could indulge your demonic food lust. (GASPS) We're just the people this mind switcher was made for by us! Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out.

When I grow up, I want to injure men by throwing stuff at them, just like you, Leela.

Welcome to Stampytown, population five. And now for the finishing touch.

You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two. As soon as someone reaches a million followers, I'll use them to transmit the twit-worm.

you wanna catch an ape fight-- you know, together? Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

I just wish I could have showed you guys how great they were. I may be rich, but I still can't buy back all the things I miss from the 20th century. Maybe you're forgetting just how rich you are. Huh? Huh?

Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top. Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What?

Great. The entire universe was destroyed. Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds.

Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back!

You know, this will be my first Xmas away from home. Hey, hey. Let me axe you something. Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree. Hey, these aren't Xmas trees. Ho-ho, huh? They're supposed to be some kind of pine tree.

Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking.

We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do."

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't.

Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000!

Who's the gross nerd? That's me, at the very first symposium. I'm the academy's oldest living member, you know.

Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle.

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted.

Wait a minute, mammoth meat aged for 30,000 years? Prize-winning sausage meat, here I come!

I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too!

Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great. Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road.

Aah! Aah! Help. You got any food?

Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'. It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here. Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times?

The important thing is-- We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow!

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right.

See you later, wuv-ums.

So, we go back through the box and stop Hermes. Right. Good thing Professor "B" there...

I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

The doctor is in.

My only outlet was Octouran kung fu. Yi-ah! Ye-ah! Yee! Excellent.

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

No, but you did declare yourself dead three years ago as a tax dodge. Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that.

Oh, that's the old, abandoned adult bookstore. Nothing in there, except maybe a few shreds of moldy, old robot pornography. Hmm. Sounds like a breeding ground for humans. I better check it out. Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you?

You, minion, lift up my arm. After him! Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

Order! Order in the court!

No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

No, you're great. Well, just let me know... if there's anything I can do to make it up to you.

Robo-Puppy receiving petting. Bender, are you jealous of Fry's puppy? That's so adorable! jealous? Bah! Not when I have the love of Robo-Puppy here. Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek. Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek. Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking.

Dude, give it a rest. Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it. MAN: In the year 105,105

We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things! Let's see. We've got our malt, our hops. We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo!

If it's chicken, chicken À la King. If it's fish, fish À la King. If it's turkey, fish À la King.

(SIGHS) (CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself? Why can't you sleep? I left my window open, and moths got in. I swear, if I wasn't such a great dad, I'd grab his ugly little neck and...

Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS) (THUDDING)

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under! Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me.

The only sensible way to pick a successor is with a limbo contest. What? Kingston rules. Two men go down, one come up. Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures.

If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

dwells the strange and beautiful creature known as Bigfoot, perhaps. That proves it! Sadly, logging and human settlement... today threaten what might possibly be his habitat, although if it's not, they don't. Bigfoot populations require vast amounts of land to remain elusive in.

(SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it.

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict.

Trees up. Trees down. Trees down. Looking good, beefball. Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

so I'm launching this high-altitude weather balloon to gather more data. My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook.

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto.

Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela.

Very impressive. Back in the 20th century, we had no idea there was a university on Mars. Well, in those days, Mars was just a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636.

Yo, classmate, whatcha taking? Oh, I don't know. Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry.

Everything always does. Follow me. All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium. This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand. And over here is our church.

You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.

They looked at this.

I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself. Slow down there, Starsky. I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery.

Oh. Well, then there is one thing.

Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh? Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan.

If we could mount one big musical featuring everyone's talents, we might just save Planet Express! We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof"

Professor Katz, we want answers! I warn you, if I have to get cute, it's gonna get ugly. (SCREAMS) He's dead! Wait. What are these strings on his lap?

(ROOSTER CROWING) (ALL YAWNING) Hey, looky here. (HORN HONKING) HERMES: Sweet robot swan of Botswana!

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

My pants! My lucky pants! They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw!

If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

(SOFT SNARLING) (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes.

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out. The evidence is mounting.

(GRUNTS) Stop the wedding! (ALL GASP) Who is that? Morris? I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight. (GROANS) Do I know you? Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried. I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace.

Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots, and as a precaution, I made you incapable of picking up the free will unit. You precognizant bastard. I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you. (STRAINING)

Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

Okay, stop yelling at me. It was an innocent mistake. Allow me to rectify it.

Fry? You mean, words of such beauty came from the blowhole of that hideous alien? Yeah. What? Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey.

There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do. Hey, Hawking, your Pizza's ready. Toss it in the garbage. There he is. Seize him.

Who are you? Jackie Jr., ma'am.

Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed. Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim. I've prepared some projections. Should the virus escape Manhattan, this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

I've got nothing to live for.

One of you will have to fill in for me while I'm gone. Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you. Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal. Well, if that new guy can't handle things, give me a call.

Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

(CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) There it is again. It's driving me crazy. Why am I the only one whining?

From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun.

Don't be a drag, man. We're jacking on. O-O-O-h, y-y-yeah! Want a jolt? Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual?

I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

Fry, just be quiet. I'm beginning to think this whole fake fiancÉ thing was a terrible, terrible-- Hmm? Mmm. Leela, perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this Pip-squeak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound.

Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found!

(GASPS) Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride? (GROANS) Congratulations.

There. LEELA: Momsanto? Yes, you've discovered my floating genetic engineering facility. Our experiments would be illegal on Earth, but up here, I'm above the law. (GUFFAWS) Nice pun, Mother. It's not a pun. It's a play on words!

Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady.

No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really?

I'll call and tell you about it.

Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

so I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest. Cut!

Mmm! Mmm! Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it? Helmut Spargle. He used to be the greatest chef ever.

Quick, run out the back! I'll hack into Inspector 5's terminal and fake your death, so they'll call off the kill-bots. You know that terminal is unhackable!

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

your host for tonight's debate. You may applaud. We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I...

Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey!

Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win. You're all too weak. I can see that now.

And if you need further proof that this is really a thousand years ago well, here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson. Ooh. Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie? Uh--

Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce.

You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me.

How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Those poor 20th-century women.

Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part? I... d-- Oh, my God.

Then you don't quit. I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender. And don't skimp on the nasty. There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work?

Fine. I'll head over to the other side.

(MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry! Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying? All right! (MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk?

Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents.

How could Flexo have stolen the atom? He must have used a sleep ray on me. Sleep rays exist in the future, right? No. Mmm. Then I must have fallen asleep. Well, you were sure right about Flexo being evil. I locked down the exits, but he may have already gotten away.

That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time.

If McNeal wishes to be taken seriously why does she not simply tear the judge's head off? It is true what they say: "Women are from Omicron Persei Seven men are from Omicron Persei Nine." Your witness, Prosecutor Ramirez. Gracias.

and, well, here in front of your half-naked daughter seems like the perfect time. Darling, will I marry you? Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp. (SMOOCHING) I think a motel room might be in order.

Beat this. Well, we're boned. Your turn.

Wow! That guy must be, like, the world's greatest bender! My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life! Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo.

I was delivering things before you were born. I think I know what I'm doing.

Good news, anyone! The Swedish robot from Pi-Kea is here... with the supercollider I ordered. Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm. If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any.

Is that it? Admit it! Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

An electric wall, eh?

Divorce is final. What?

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty.

That's my lab table and this is my work stool and over there is my intergalactic spaceship and here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire. Whoa. A real live spaceship.

And the effects may be irreversible. Well, let's get started. No! You can't! If you have even the slightest respect for the dignity of women-- I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this.

Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone.

Humans are no threat to us.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going...

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father! Poodle spit! Fifty-three years old? Ohhh!

This is no time for one of your jokes, Fry. I will tell you something that's no joke. I will lead the defense fight. (LAUGHS) Don't make me laugh. If we fight, we'll surely be destroyed. Then what is our only hope? We must summon Zagtar, defender of space! You forget. Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil!

Come here, Fry. Oh, uh, but I don't want to. Fry, you're my friend.

Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast.

Who's that jerk? A hundred years ago he was my most promising student at Mars University but then, after one fateful pop quiz... "A-minus"? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus.

Way to overact, Zoidberg. And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

(MUSIC PLAYING) (SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place!

FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century! Not big enough. We need somethin' that can take out an entire army-- something you could commit a war crime with-- Wow! Ow.

(TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING) Look out, a solar flare!

Oh. I-- Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies. Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me.

What's new? Huh?

Hey, where'd they-- Attack!

The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch.

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash.

Aha! Go, Professor! Lean back more! Ow!

I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man. Though it did get me some action. I like a man who's flexible.

I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em.

A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies.

(SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff. Who's in the mood to party? Whoo! (GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life. You did ruin her life. You might be right, Hermes. I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something!

Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin, containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

My fellow Earthlings, we have reached an agreement. Using the twin guns of grace and tact I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise.

(FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri! Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE) Oh, yeah! Pachinko break!

Lay it on us, big boots.

It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'! I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns.

Sock hop? Co-ed dorm? Black Panther meeting? I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No!

Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh!

I came to this planet to learn the meaning of freedom! But I say it's you who should get a nice lesson! So do your worst, because no punishment... could be bigger than denying me my freedom! You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish.

(SHOUTING WAR CRY) (SHOUTING WAR CRY) (GRUNTING AND STRAINING) What do you Neanderthals want? We want our land back! Also, to be treated as equals! And a little mating wouldn't hurt!

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside!

I'm so sorry I ratted you out, but, you know, after two weeks down here, I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people. How dare you. You want to understand something? Look at that lake.

Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape! Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge, it's time I cut you in on the secret to success. - Any guesses? - Uh, work really, really hard? - No. - Oh, thank God!

(CLICKS TONGUE) Call me. Oh, my gosh. Amy? Amy Wong? Guenter? From Mars University? How have you been? Pretty good.

robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return. Wow. A whole planet of old people. Where is it? Nobody knows. So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years.

Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain. And so it is my pleasure today, to nail her picture... alongside those of our most distinguished alumni. Thank you very much.

You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome!

In the time it would take to pronounce one letter of my true name, a trillion cosmoses would flare into existence and sink into eternal night.

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster.

Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing?

Super King has no need for loved ones. How're ya doin', kid? There ya go. Two one-day mutant surface passes. Thank you, Mayor Poopenmayer. Mayor here. What's that?

Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible. We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA.

- Oh, sorry. - Well, then, there's only one solution.

Look, outdoor theater. Let's get tickets. Oh, let's do.

I'll kill you, my friend! Ahhh!

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true. The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians,

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed.

You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior. It's an army of Lucy Lius.

It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

Until now. This is going to be the greatest career resurrection since Jesus, Aloha from Hawaii.

of Planet Express Corporation is... That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been! One, two, three! Ooh! There it is!

Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down-- Even for a second.

Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do.

Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things?

So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there.

So I said to him... You know, why don't we talk about something besides Zapp for a while? Oh, all right. Um... Well, how about them, um... okay. Well, there he was in the tub, all right?

About this conquering thing, (CHUCKLES) funny story...

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding. The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela,

- Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila! The age-restoring microbes are ready.

But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter. Hey, dip-schlitz, that's not me. I'm right here. Hello? Pay attention to me!

(CHEERING) (SLURPING SOUND) Hey, what's that bone-sucking sound? It's Mr. Peppy. I'd know him anywhere.

Well, here goes nothing. Hello, boys. Whoa! Hyah!

Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

(BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

Ohh. What does this have to do with the anchovies? I'm getting to the freaking anchovies. A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead!

Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that. You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No!

another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

(SNORING) Hey, I was watching that! The Saints just needed a field goal to tie! Lrrr, you lazy ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! You said you would conquer a planet today, but you have not even shed your skin yet. Yes, Ndnd. I heard you the first hundred times.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS)

respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (KNUCKLES CRACKING) Will you come on?

Death to humans! Ah, it's good to hear his voice.

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius!

underground in the ruins of Old New York...

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela!

I was just about to suggest the same thing. Mmm? Mmm. Pay dirt.

Oh, you sad, worthless human. Ohh!

Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

Well! Rarely have I never!

WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

I checked my list. Well, check it twice.

Deny my credit card application, will you? Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city.

So you wish you were never born, maybe? Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time!

Yeah, you'd better run. Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny.

Leela! Fry, I came to talk to you.

People, we got a problem. Little Nibbler's been coughin' up hair balls. Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal? He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor?

I'm a certified college dropout. Please. Everyone knows 20th century colleges were basically expensive daycare centers. That's true. By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets.

I don't like you. This is going to be a cake walk. Welcome to the history of the 20th century. Look to your left, then to your right.

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Hey, too tight, too tight!

The Cavern on the Green.

Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back. Rich nephew! Come over here... and give your uncle a nice, big meal.

(CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Let this beating be a lesson about never attacking those more handsome than oneself. All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you. How, by making me look at you? (LAUGHING) No. By making you look at my mama!

What? I probably should have told you. Anyway, the important thing is to be relaxed tomorrow. Are you sure? Yes. Do what you young people do to unwind.

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab. Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip.

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags! Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names? My name is Nina, and his name's Albert--

Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo! This is great. I haven't had time off since I was 21 through 24. It's just my way of thanking you for not reporting my countless violations of safety and minimum wage laws.

Yeah, yeah, yeah Say that you love me Say that you need me Say that you want me You want to please me Come on, now...

Come on, ladies. Let's take a little trip to Kif's planet. We'll gather some nectar and have a nice, romantic weekend. Just the four of us. Let's go already!

the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive,

What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. I don't know. just say anything-- as long as it's compelling and mesmerizing-- a tour de force.

Initiating controlled infection. I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge. Oh? Oh?

Double time, soldier.

and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic! Now, the first order of business... is to blame everything on the guy before me.

You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo. But Fry betrayed me at our apartment! (GAGGING) Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life.

Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are-- No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor.

Ah, U.S. presidents!

The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass!

And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty!

I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject.

The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy? You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy? You really are a massive bonehead!

Every Monday and Wednesday, it's the same thing. I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out. That's because you're a loser.

Anything Cut it. - Yeah! - Cut it! Curse my natural showmanship!

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

It will be a rich, full day. Well, good night. I'm going to go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them.

Yes, sir, sirdy, sir, sir, sir! Fly the white flag of war. This is Zapp Brannigan of the good ship... Planet Express ship.

Well, I got through the night, and no one looked in the box. Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek.

Um, hi, Angleene. Whatcha up to? Makin' hangers. Guidance counselor said I had a knack for it. That's cool. That's cool. So, um, uh, I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat.

Uh, your present may need some assembly. On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady

Good work, everyone. The mother ship is destroyed. What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

And now, to create an unstoppable army of between one and two million zombies! Shouldn't you wait for the weather to clear up? No. I give you the twit-worm!

What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

Come on, Skipper. It's my last chance to prove I'm not the worst player ever. Please put me in. No! We're actually winning this game. You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind, or when our other pitchers sneak out early to beat the traffic! Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there!

it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn.

The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art. Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

(SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo. Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic?

It's an ale! Five gallons, six ounces. Hey. What's going on? This is a delivery company, not a delivery room. We just busted our buns delivering a million papers, and this is how you greet us,

Man, it's a total sty. For the first time in 1,000 years I feel like I'm home. Yeah, it's going to be fun on a bun. You know, Fry, of all the friends I've had you're the first.

Well, that finishes this paperwork. Calculon Enterprises. Calculon, a fight scene has broken out at the special effects warehouse. Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway.

(GASPS) No wonder this contraption isn't aerodynamic! It's not an aircraft, it's a spacecraft!

I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"?

Is that even necessary?

Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy Uh, were you just singing?

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn.

Hey, buddy! Little help? Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body.

(CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit. (COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send. (COUGHING) Did you delete it? Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend.

Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert.

No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

Get a load of that!

You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie! All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes. Wow. The original party worm.

The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

(HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! I demand extra dipping sauce! How many? I don't know. Two?

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft. Mine! Mine!

Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us. What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives.

Thank God this log is sturdy.

and should that house currently be on any type of multiple secret probation it will be lifted and I will be forced to serve as grand marshal of a parade honoring them. I say, Robot House. Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves.

We can celebrate the day I extracted you from the cloning tank. Or the day I scraped your D.N.A. from that growth on my back. Ooh! That one! Ahhh, yes. It was 13 years ago next week. I used this very fork. Oh, well, isn't that-- Ugh!

A new eyePhone? Forget this junk. Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo. Come on, let's buy some eyePhones online. Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online. We are on line.

Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated.

Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.

Safe and sound. Finally, I can continue to exist. Three, two, one.

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

(SIGHING) Funny plague, hyper-malaria. It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel!

Amazing! You multicultural punks just race and tinker all day long? And we rap about our problems. Like, my aunt's neighbor is a hoarder. Stack of magazines fell on her cat. It's hard, you know?

What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender.

(SCREAMS) Fire! What the... What kind of crazy fire is this?

What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like.

Open the dome and unleash the power of the heavens! (BIRDS CHIRPING)

Funny thing about destiny.

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER) (FLY BUZZING)

Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

And due to the embargo, the only place to get it is straight from the source. The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb.

Say, you're from one of those ethnicities that knows about technology. Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING) Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher.

So he just showed up unannounced, raided the liquor cabinet, sprayed urine on the ceiling and passed out? And the walls.

BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon," and then Calculon said, "No!" I think we've heard enough. Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished.

It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

And I'm going to tell our Carcaron friends the truth. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Zapp... Lying sack of... (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Well, this is awkward. Our Carcaron friends declared war.

But we can use those very gases to save the planet. If you all vent your exhaust directly upward in one burst, it should thrust the Earth further from the sun, thus cooling it. Oh! Hmm! By my calculations, we'll need the full force... of every last robot.

If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird?

Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah. Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care. Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop.

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me. Oh!

Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that. Aha! Prepare to be thought at! - Leela, give me a topic. - Duh! Seriously. I can't think of anything. I gotta find something to make me think.

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it!

The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance. Did-Did you just talk?

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10. Aw. You always say just the wrong thing in just the right way. Sinners! Robosexuality is an abomination!

Santa's a robot. So we should be able to destroy him... with a logical paradox. Bender, you better cover your ears.

Impressive. My family has been making these hearts since the 1900s.

So this is where they stick old people. It's horrific. At least it keeps them from driving.

Nibbler! I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure,

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

Fry's not here. Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor. Fry went to the party?

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12.

Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured."

You're still talking to me. Oops. $10,000 tuition?

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas? Ooh! And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade.

We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium?

Come on, we've got to get some dirt on Alcazar. Let's go find out what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden.

forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart

You are one narrow-minded spaceship, Planet Express Ship!

What the-- I fInd that offensive! Greetings. I am Dr. Perceptron.

Now with the horror hair.

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter. Want to watch?

we enter a so-called "receptive state." You disgust me. Go on. At that point, our skin becomes a semipermeable membrane...

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection.

(GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship!

Leela, Fry, robot no matter what it is you're doing tonight I'm available.

Um... Oh... Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do?

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed--

Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm?

Say your prayers, stoolie. Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off! (GAGGING) (GRUNTING) Drop the robot!

(YOWLS) They're at it again.

We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt! (ALL CHEER) I don't give a crap! Kif, I'm sorry for making out with Fry so loud and often. It's all right, dearest. I know it was just the Nectar talking. And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky.

It's not easy being gangrenous.

Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style. So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones. Hey, you think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did.

You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you. Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

Oh, right. Sorry, but I've memorized the ceremony by rote, and it mentions her a lot.

Of all the zoos we've been to today, I like this one the best. Bender, which is your favorite nocturnal rat? Eh, they're all pretty unimpressive.

And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it.

- Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s.

I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat?

Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down. Trees down. Cool. What do you do if you want the trees up? Trees up. Trees down. Trees down.

Then I will now baptize you. Press any key to continue.

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian? Oh, God. Oh, God, what have I done? This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh.

Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas.

Well, let's get looting.

Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes, but if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you to grow up strong and resilient. Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous, I can't even conceive of them. But I know you'll pull through and make me proud. I love you, son.

Something's come up. It's vomit!

He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

Brace yourselves, everyone. One hundred kilometers. Two hundred. I hate to complain about the heat, but the air conditioner's on fire. My ice cream Manwich!

Now, then, while many of you do half-ass jobs and the rest do jobs whose ass ratio ranges from 42% to a mere 11%, only the most pathetically useless employee will be fired today. And that employee is... Hermes Conrad. What? No way! Hermes, no!

(ALL GASP) DR. ZOIDBERG: A huge pyramid under New New York? What badger could've built this? And look at this intricately carved disk. It merits years of study. But how can we move such a fragile, precious... (SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through!

Over my dead body. Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

The professor. Hermes and Amy. Nice to meet you. And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house--

That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model. As unclean as it makes me feel, I agree with Bender. Kids don't turn rotten just from watching TV. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.

I can't drink that. The metal shavings make my throat bloody. Waah-waah. Baby wants a Zima. Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No.

Oh, you sad, worthless human. Ohh! Sacred hog of Prague! That was my anniversary gift to La Barbra. Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs.

Please welcome our new Chief Executive Officer, That Guy! Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks.

There. Fixed forever. Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out!

Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth. (WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment. That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy.

Let's get the pizza out of here!

(SCREAMS) That is nasty! Sorry I screamed, Leela. I was just so excited to see you. Yeah. Let's just get out of here. No problem. I'll bend the door open.

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps! Why, Zoidberg, why? Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP)

So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me. The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?

So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

I'd like to propose a toast to... Coat check #84. Turn it over. Oh. Edna, of all the slimy, gross crab monsters on this planet you are apparently the hottest. Oy.

Welcome to Stampytown, population five.

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city?

Man, this place is a snooze. Hey, Fry, I challenge President Taft here to a pie-eating contest. You're on, skinny. Sorry, guys. You know the rules. No fun allowed. Come on, you pansy! I'm thirsty! I want me some Tennessee loopy juice! And I want loose women! The kind that aren't afraid to show a little ankle.

Yeah. I mean, he may not have a case but I'm genuinely not a human. Quiet, human! Uh-oh. He froze up again. Try control-alt-delete. jiggle the cord. Turn him off and on. Clean the gunk out of the mouse. Call technical support.

Welcome to our village. It may not be Paris, but it has a certain... quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world. You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything.

No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

Hooray! And don't eat it. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute!

Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

(ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded! (SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how?

But I thought... Stop thinking, Fry!

- We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon!

(CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy. You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true.

Not after what happened. Now limboing for the Earth team Hermes Conrad. You're my hero, Hermes! I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like--

Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good. Fry, distract him!

Welcome to Hollywood. I must warn you-- There's no refund if you get discovered and leave the tour. I'm just kidding. That never happens. Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios.

(ALL CHOKING) Oops.

I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver.

Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food! Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks.

(GROANING) I don't feel well.

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

What good is a wool... Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun!

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube.

Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue. What are you talking about? I want to spend my life with you. No, you don't. I mean, look at me.

Why do they always treat us like dumb kids? We're practically old enough to find the Fox Network infantile. Yeah, we'll show 'em. All Awesome Express needs... is a sturdy interstellar delivery craft. VoilÀ! You got a quarter?

That's it. You just made my list.

Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes. At least we have you back. Not yet, you don't.

(MUMBLING) Shut up.

The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged. What are the cigars for? They make me look cool.

If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that!

I love this job. Me, too.

Let's see who's been naughty... and who's been naughty.

Futurama is brought to you by: Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops!

Shh. Keep it under your sock. It's a big secret. - That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone.

Sean, why is this hussy at our resort? Your resort? This is our vacation. Could've fooled me. Quiet, Fry. This is between me and the lady in the hooter hammock. Listen, honey,

I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again.

(GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah.

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you!

It's a basket! F-For picnics? It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium. You could use it for picnics. Here, Amy. We get this one for you. Oh! Is it a new party board? It's a board, all right-- an ironing board.

Damn. Still only a hundred dollars. A penny saved is a penny earned. Also, could you get some athlete's foot cream for my face?

Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird? I found it lying in the street like all the food I cook. Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

When my crew removed the chronitons, it destabilized the nebula, causing time skips throughout the universe. Ooh! Let Bubblegum tell it! Pretend these basketballs are time particles, my silver honky. As the nebula bounce-passes them off us... Aaah! Ooh! Aaah! they cause these dents, or "time skips."

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

Ah... a picture of my mommy.

- Say "nerd"! - Nerd! I'm Slim Shady.

Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being!

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew.

Hey, wh-- what?

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show." "Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play."

The Professor's walrus-ivory teeth.

Don't mess with Earth They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg. Poseurs! I was hatin' Zoidberg before it was cool.

Bender's in his office. Thanks. I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance.

Uh, Commander... could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated. It will detonate the instant the robot unwittingly speaks a certain word. What's the word... uh, sir? It's the one word the robot uses more than any other.

Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't. The common cold died out 500 years ago,

So here's my certificate of abandonment drawn up by our notary. That'll be 10 bucks. Now take your kid and hit the soup line! (LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him! (SOBBING)

Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh. Nobody knows more about Star Trek than me! I beg to differ!

Thank you for staying with me, Fry. I'm not Fry. I'm his great-great-grandson, Fry. You are? My beak is different, see? It evolved a slightly bigger hook over the generations to help me eat the cactus on this part of the island. Watch! I'm stuck! Oops.

Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah! You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught.

Stop eating, Zoidberg! We're only here to get Fry out of the house. (GASPS) Manwiches?

Geez, who died? I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her!

Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me! You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you,

Wow. There's a million aliens. I've never seen anything so mind-blowing. Ooh! A reception table with muffins! Ladies and gentlemen

Which way to the tiny hookers?

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww! The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

(RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks! (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

That's like Christina Aguilera singin' in Spanish. Wait! That's it! I'll fake it.

Just a little bit And take it easy Show you're likin' it

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take. This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving.

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already? Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?

Come, Comrade Bender. We must take to the streets! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? No. The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires. Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

(ROBERTO SCREAMING) I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings.

Wake up, everyone! I've got something, and this time it's alive. Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home.

Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing. A little. That's why I've decided to hurt you until you explain it.

And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening.

We'll have to bring her around again.

(GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

Yes. Good thing I noticed the similar shapes.

instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick? They ain't covering their noses, I'll tell you that much. Well, see ya.

Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars.

Great. First he steals my body, now he's touching my stuff.

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place. My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal.

Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look

And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know. Hey, guys. Oh, uh, hey, Fry. So, as Leela was saying Fry can go shove-- Ow!

The Ronco Record Vault. Yancy'll never get his hands on you in here or my money back. Ah, The Breakfast Club soundtrack. Man, I can't wait till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.

My leg, it's broken.

You'll shred me into a zillion...

How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe?

Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why? So I can kill my human brain cells. Do you have any idea what a burden it is to know everything that will ever happen? To never be surprised. To know the punch line of every joke hours in advance.

Leader? Fat man, you couldn't even run a bath. Well, you sure can run something, your mouth! (ARGUING) Silence!

NARRATOR: Enclosed as a PDF attachment, a picture of yourself, in a boat, on a river. It's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three. It's a magic river, that's how. And it's flowing down the eerie canal to The Scary Door.

Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head.

Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys! Well, now, don't you tell me to smile

the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back. I love you, Bender. Versus, Billionaire-bot!

I am so, so sorry for how we treated you. And to make it up to you, we're killing the Professor for you so he doesn't die horribly from hyper-malaria. He doesn't have hyper-malaria, you idiots. (ROARS) He has Yeti-ism. (ALL GASPING) When he saved my life all those years ago,

Ta-da! The first woman ever to play major league blernsball!

(SNORING) (MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it?

People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

Actually, no. For once, it was Bender. Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender. It was a lot, and you'll never be able to pay me back. Now, gather round, friends, so we can commemorate this moment in a photo. (ALL CHEERING) I got to admit, this time, it'll be a pleasure to be in your picture.

We don't even know anyone with cool stuff. Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit.

No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud? Here's something. It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous.

And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator. Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement.

I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings. Thank God Zoidberg didn't reattach my nerves.

Hang on. I just want to make one stop. (CROWD SHOUTING) (SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow. This is my home. I hope you don't think less of me because I live in a giant castle. Oh, no, not at all.

Then, outrun the blast on this Scooty-Puff Jr.

Well, as long as we're being honest, I also spent my tax refund on a crazy treatment.

It's so quiet. I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing?

A fully-evolved robot human! I'm Dr. Widnar, a naturalist. And I'm Bender, baby. My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side. Oh, shut up! Amazing. I've theorized that carbon-based, fat-filled life could exist,

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

Look, a single mother! Let's get her! (ALL SHOUTING)

Yeah? Well, what are you gonna do about it, shrimpy? You wanna see, Mr. Big Shot? Attack Earth! Yes, I know it's a schlep. just do it!

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded. Sweet lion of Zion. Look at the professor go.

Ah, let's face it. Comedy's a dead art form. Now, tragedy... That's funny.

I freaking love you. And I don't throw that word around. I know you don't. That's why I love you. Are the pizza muffins ready?

This is Oktoberfest, the world's most sophisticated exhibition of German food, drink, and culture. Exquisite. Care for another, sir? No, I wouldn't want to ruin my Oktoberfest by becoming intoxicated.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm.

The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded. What was that?

And now, the woman who "mom-opolizes"... the robot industry-- I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it.

Well, this is the real me, but I can explain. We all have needs.

1947 can kiss my shiny metal-- Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

ALL: Look up high where the rainbow bends Orange and purple are the best of friends I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. And orangeberries. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back after these messages.

Bender! There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no!

- Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer...

Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no. Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists...

Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can. Don't hit me!

(SILICON RED GRUNTS) I'm Ramblin' Rodriguez, the new greatest folk singer ever. And I'm gonna sing my new masterpiece, The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler

between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor!

It's nice to finally meet someone who's open-minded. Ew!

That's right. I'm a polygamist.

Eww! Infusing female oil! Removing item. We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it!

Mr. President. I found the TV remote.

I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

Let the hunt begin!

What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid.

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up!

It's Fry. Wiggles? Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

I am Singing Wind, chief of the native Martian tribe. But I thought your people abandoned this planet. We did. I just came back for my stuff.

Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me.

This place never changes. Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants! It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing.

Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

My life is over. No, it isn't. You have another ten years left. Leela, he could live another hundred years. No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet, and you never return.

What are you doing, darling? Get down! Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now.

Thanks to your husband's humanity,

And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents? They're still alive? Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle.

We found it! The honeycomb hideout! Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh!

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4, the aliens who communicate by dancing were worshipping a giant comet.

ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass. I'll fetch my hand tools. Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine?

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever.

It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind.

What a pleasant surprise. Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box.

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

(SCREAMING) (SPLUTTERING) (GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese.

just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it. And so, a thousand years later, fry once again infiltrated the Info-Sphere and set off his amazing bomb.

Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it. If you'll step up real close to my microscope here, I'll show you that my DNA is completely... (SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Stupid air-needing lungs. (GASPS) The crown jewels.

Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what? The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science. I never married, rarely went outside, and now that I've found all the answers, I realize that what I was living for were the questions.

Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad! You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all.

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me?

Uh-oh. He must be overheating again. (GLASS SHATTERS) (ALL EXCLAIM) Bending unit, you are ordered to report for factory reset. Okay, sure. But first, this. (BELL DINGS) I hear turkey. Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey!

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

My ice cream Manwich!

How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent. BENDER: And then the Donbot said, "Sorry, Calculon," and then Calculon said, "No!" I think we've heard enough. Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished.

What are you doing? Get away. Aw, they love you. Well, I don't love them.

Holy night! Intruders!

Why the idiot convention?

Some magical bearded robot in the sky?

I've got to figure out where Leela went. I just need some kind of clue. Ow! (GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from? I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure. Now I'm sure.

What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

Hey, we were watching that!

Oh! They jumped right out of their pants! Oh, what now? Activate glass window. Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force.

This is the happiest day of my life.

Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Would you like some human with your salt? This is it. If the aliens fall for Zapp's ploy the earth will be saved. Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus.

Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa! Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves.

Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth! Of course! That was the Panama wormhole! Earth's central channel for shipping. (CHUCKLING) How humorous.

You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS)

I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you

uh, uh and I won't work for nobody but you yeah I'm juSt A love machine yeah, baby A Huggin', kissin' fienD i'm just A love machine

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

(BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea. (CAWING) (SCREAMING) This is a cool way to die!

Hurry up. I want to see the Moon.

Mmm... mmm! Now this is what I call 1,000 years of progress. A Bavarian cream dog that's also self-microwaving. Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer.

He says I have a thing for bad boys. It's so stupid. The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me?

(GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well.

Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out. (IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training.

Trees down. Trees down.

Ready? (ENGINES REVVING) Leela, Professor, don't do this! It's too exciting! Mark, set, go, yo!

When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

There's no problem. You're just heavy with male jelly. Blecch!

Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead. That's what they said about being alive. - join us. - join us.

Show us your real form. Yeah! DO it!

Neat. Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than...

Waaah! Leela, you can stop winning now. We won. I'm too short to reach the hand brake! That's detention.

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn. Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born.

That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love."

You'll never make money that way. You supply them to me and I'll sell them for two bucks a dozen at my restaurants. I'll even pay you a dollar a dozen.

Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away. Wait, I'm getting an idea. What if Fry was supposed to get frozen?

Wretched sinner unit the path to robot heaven lies here in the good book 3.0. Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter?

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly. Why, it's making 'em ultra-fertile. How ultra? Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year.

Prepare to harvest the lower horn.

(ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered.

Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle. Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor. Here, Professor, I got you a program. Oh, good. just let me put on my reading glasses.

And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet...

(CHUCKLING) Wait a minute. It sounds like we're getting the short end of that extermination. Don't you see, you doddering young fool? I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave. Oh, you're a genius, Hubert. But, but... It's just a prototype.

No knife can penetrate my skin-tanium armor. He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy.

Santa has something very special in his sack for you two.

I'm back, baby! Blaah! We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time.

Killed? In an atomic blast? No, sir. I'm afraid I don't take much solace in the fact... that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly.

I say me. I say Leela! I say yes. I say no. I say Leela, too.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Kif! jump! My hero. Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Don't sweat it, man.

Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain. Nothing will go wrong. If something goes wrong bring back the blood.

Let me just do one thing to cheer myself up.

I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap.

Do it. Do it. Do it.

Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

And this time I mean it!

(CHEERING) And furthermore, by golly, I promise to cut taxes for the rich and use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel.

Ow! Enjoying the show? Ooh! Ow! Don't forget to pick up a T-shirt. Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit.

The ship's just taking the breakup a little hard. She's nuts! In a few moments,

Let's commence preparations for rumbling! Ladies and gentlemen and Smizmars welcome to tonight's main event.

But the wait is always so long. Poor Fry once stood online six hours just to get me a ticket. Six hours? Sounds like a real nobody. But now it's time for somebody and some chick he's with to go skatin'. You reserved the whole rink?

U.F.O.! U.F.O.! Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak. Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost!

I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine... But, you know, happy birthday and all, and, I love you. (SCREAMS) My card!

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window!

(CRYING) I hate future Oktoberfest! It's supposed to be beer and bratwurst, not breakups and boring thing! AUTOMATED VOICE: For hundreds of years, Oktoberfest has been held here, in the fertile Neander Valley,

and subscription to Cosmo.

Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical.

(GRUNTS) FEMALE VOICE: Stop sign in 75 feet. Stop sign in 50 feet. I know how to stop at a stop sign! (THUD)

There's three of you and three of them, so it'll be perfect. Is this clown on? Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire.

Oh, you're a genius, Hubert. But, but... It's just a prototype. It's not fully operational. Yes. Then get back to work! And when you're done with that, invent me some sort of swiveling surprise chair. (GROANS)

And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please. We're ready for the first audition! Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady.

(MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy. In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was!

You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone. Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course.

Whoa! You guys have issues. She has issues! I'm fine! But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk. Oh, let's just give it to him. Here.

We're done putting on the bra.

So this is Little Neptune. Yep. Every chef knows this is the place to get exotic gourmet ingredients. Among other things. Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence. Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start,

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do.

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Well, look what the me dragged in. You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets.

Bring it on, holy man. (GRUNTS) Carry this at all times and the demon cannot harm you. It also keeps cats off the sofa by killing 'em.

71st Street? Hmm. Never heard of it. Downtown could be in any direction. No sweat. We'll just take a spin on the "B" train. Oooh, that feels funny. This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train,

No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps.

Hey! They're getting away! Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second.

Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night.

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it.

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

Let me give you something to help you relax. Yah-ahh! Look, there's been a terrible mistake.

I'm okay with most kinds of violence, but not gang violence. Before we deliver these weapons, we're going to disable them so they can never be used. Bender, bend the barrels. But I love guns! Then pretend they're little human necks. What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING)

You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer. Lions? There are sea lions on the land? Yup. We call them "land sea lions." I tame them.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere.

(MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up.

What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief.

A holophonor? Only a few people in the whole universe can play that, and they're not very good at it. They don't have you to inspire them.

(GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery.

I choose to not understand these signs.

Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

Well, as long as we're being honest,

Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer.

Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo! This is great.

I promise nothing!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at. Let's try something else. Maybe we should... Put the dice away before I take them away.

What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

Look how ridiculous they look. Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive.

After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever. No heat. No power. Huddled together in fear, like lice in a burning wig. Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten, after all. What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself.

Now everybody hit the deck! I'm cutting the entire line and stealing the exhibit. You're not stealing anything! Nobody hit the deck! Ah, the superheroes. Or should I say super zeroes? That was uncalled for. Animals, attack!

But look, that's ancient history, and we need some one-on-one time. I'm up for it if you are. I don't know. You'd probably be thinking of Sean the whole time. Oh, not the whole time. Who ordered all these old-timey cars?

We're shooting in five minutes, and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! Sweet zombie Jesus! Like it's not hard enough to make a freakin' TV show for under 50 bucks. Damn it. I'll call you back, Grandma. Nice of you to show up, toots. I mean that sincerely. It's just that I'm in showbiz.

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son! They used to be such peaceful birds. I suppose this was your doing. Yep, it's like I taught 'em.

Leela can beat that. She's pitched her whole career without getting an out. You stink, lady!

Don't mind me. I'm just saving you the trouble of throwing me away. Spleesh! Mel out, Bender. Come watch some TV.

Do you have any gum? No.

This is the funnest planet in the whole world. Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela!

MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. (MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me. (ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered.

Yes! In mint condition!

Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight. But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One...

There must be people somewhere.

Kiff, write that down and send it to "Humor in Uniform." Aw... Oh! Hmm.

Shmeezus, it's hot! Why'd I have to invent that awful device? (CRYING) (HISSING) Amy, technology isn't intrinsically good or evil. It's how it's used. Like the death ray. Maybe you're right. I guess science has to keep pushing forward with the hope that...

Happy Valentine's Day.

Sure, I can. I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company. I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss. Yes, Fry, plant one on your woman. Uh, let me think.

Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty.

Everyone, listen! Damn!

Ah... prewar scotch. Welcome, Lieutenant Bender. You're looking sharp. I got wheels with clickety clackers. Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella?

Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds what with free will and all. Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?

just tell me why?

No! Please. Can't we just get our organs harvested? It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump. Kids, let's meet the Humplings! (PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends

For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope.

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot. Give me that!

Maybe we should start a fire. If we really wanna impress them, we'll have to crush them... with strategy "Dwight Lightning." Very well, but I get to name the next strategy. This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death!

There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers Decisions I made

Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back? Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel. Oh, please. Really?

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

AMY: The Great Pyramid at Giza!

I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast. Hey, hey, cheer up.

It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Oh. It's you. Why do you want your genders? You seem happier without them. Being human isn't just about being happy. It's about loving, and fighting, and that Rasta McNasty we were doing last night. (LAUGHS) We want that back. Very well. Perhaps it is I who have learned a lesson, or something.

Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

Come, look at this two-dimensional bird's nest. Ooh! Me first! I'll just step past Leela here. BOTH: Ow! You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around. (MUTTERING MOCKINGLY) Observe this two-dimensional egg.

We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress. The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant, evil brain... with a gooey center of pure hate. Only Fry, with his superior yet inferior mind, can approach it.

Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Glove recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower. Mr. President. What the hell?

All this knowledge is giving me a raging brainer.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry!

Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female.

Thanks, Professor, but I don't want the treatment. Don't you understand, you little nitwit? Unless you're treated soon, the only way to restore your true age... will be to grow into it, just as God intended. He has a point, honey. What about your job and your friends?

30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Yes! Footprints! And handprints?

According to the script, you're supposed to prance out and tickle him with your fairy wand. Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle.

There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender? (SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond! Nixon's not bringin' the smokes! Shut up and pay attention to me-- Bender!

(METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control.

(ALL CRY OUT) (CAMERA CLICKING)

So long, suckers!

(CLEARING THROAT) What? Your awards show. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

That's not Nibbler. That's my most precious possession. Leonardo's beard! I paid a fortune for it at an auction of historic body parts. I suppose if I have an Achilles' heel, it's because I bought it at that same auction.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second.

This time we get most decorated lawman in the whole universe. You mean-- Oh, no, please. I beg you. Oh, for the love of-- I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service.

You all brought such wonderful gifts, but the greatest gift--

I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding.

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

I'll save you, Nibbler. Aw. Bender's going to be killed! You know what else I could use? A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

(ZAPP YODELING) We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding! Brace for emergency landing! Roger that. Activate safety spheres!

Not enough-- Duh-- Memory? Oh, great. Now I remember that word, but I forgot my wife's face. Oh, God! No! I want to live! If you'd like, you're welcome to join our society. Look, no offense, but I need technology,

I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice. He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba!

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia.

Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future.

I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Will you be my friend? Ow!

Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies! If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed.

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah.

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY?

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING)

Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist. But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once. Come on, number six! Move it!

How many atmospheres can the ship withstand? Well, it's a spaceship so I'd say anywhere between zero and one. What's that? Is someone bending girders? Oy!

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police!

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum. Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go!

No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057. I don't get it. We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

(ALARM BLARING) What's happening? The phone's been disconnected, the ship's repossessed, and Zoidberg's getting overcooked!

Never been friends? Ouch! What a zinger. Well, here's one for you, Mr. Not-my-friend Conrad. You acted like a big jerk. You were selfish and stupid, and you don't deserve a wife like LaBarbara or a friend like me.

Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body.

I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah! Whee!

What are you doing? I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink. No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want.

Here you go, darling. Hey, I can breathe. and talk. Just like a fish. Oh, you speak Fish?

Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure!

(ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg. (WHIRRING) Ooh, yeah. That's stable, baby. Just need to pick a lens. Let's see, zoom lens?

I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers.

as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu! Who wants a fish?

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks.

I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think? Here's the weirdo who bought your horn. That's Lrrr! Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

She didn't just leave me for a robot, she was a robot! (ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit!

Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human. Ahh. Nerve gas.

Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

Some snot-eating bastards say it made me a bitter woman. Gee, Ma, you're not a bitter-- Cram it, ape!

(MOOING) (BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

I'm worried about him. He didn't come back with the group. He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero. I better go find him. Wait. Let me.

but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time. But what would that be like? I mean, if we were together, where would we be 10 years from now? Still here? Definitely. Or somewhere else. (SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis,

I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

The exit. We made it! Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive.

Idiot. Noun. You! This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

i'm just A love machine and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

I will go this far and no further.

There may be some death-killing. It's going to be clamp this, clamp that badda-climp, badda-clamp. What do you think, Blotto? You in? It's funny. Until now, I always wanted to be a gangster. So the answer's yes. Hey, hey, way to go, way to be, way to shoot.

I've been sitting here paying my bills online. (BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar! You'll have to kill me for it! (EXCLAIMING) Just stop, you two! I've had that reed for 20 years! It's irreplaceable!

just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office.

I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in!

Keep your palms flat. The tongue tickles. These new hands are great. I'm gonna break 'em in tonight.

You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry.

Hmm. If we can reroute engine power through the primary weapons... and reconfigure them to Melllvar's frequency, that should overload his electro-quantum structure. Like putting too much air in a balloon!

where the salmon eggs incubate. I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream,

We'll stop them. They like Lucy Liu? We'll give them all the Lucy Liu they can handle. Hand me that backup disk.

Well, I do polish it every day, and I sleep in a chamois diaper. It's 100 times more reflective than the mirror in my beacon.

Stop eating Popplers!

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... playing 900 of these classic themes in your own home...

Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot.

Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man. Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

I braved the flames once more in search of fluids. Then why didn't you give me any? I thought it might help you forget your intense hatred for me if you were a teensy bit delirious.

Jack johnson, or bitter rival john jackson?

Yakov Smirnoff said it.

So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich were-- Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this!

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything? Yep. We're there. Prepare to surface!

Who would do a thing like thAt? Who could do a thing like that? And by "that" I mean this. Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands.

Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) I can think of a hundred endings that'll save you. Just pick one. No, Dr. Beeler, I won't just pick one. My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk. I'm sorry you saw that, Fry.

Your Honor, I know the case is closed and you've rendered your verdict but I want to testify. I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt?

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way. So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future.

Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time, but, well, I really like you and whatever, but I think we should just be friends. No! So, we're cool?

They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style. Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes.

(IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Forever.

You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical. One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie, and we were married. Ooh! One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot.

Nothing to see here, old girl. Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here. All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him. No! I got a little surprise in store for that guy-- the clamps! Huh? Uh, wait...

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to...

Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us. I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in!

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know? I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"? State your business.

We have each other! Coilette, if I weren't able to spend my life with you, I would leap from this very balloon. Come on with that. Really? Yes! We were meant... to be. So, you really and truly love me?

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem? We can take it outside.

- Question. - Yes? You stink.

We're not from around here. Hello. (SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics.

Help! Ooh-- Da-- Yipe! This is where we distinguish ourselves from the last crew. Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa!

Uh-oh, a fork in the path. There's more places to hide in that dark forest. On the other hand, I could run faster through that open meadow. But of course, the forest might protect my fair robot skin from sunburn. Hmm...

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

It's Fry. Wiggles? Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

You shut up, sir. No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry. Am not! It contains a parallel universe.

You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years. So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again! That's a really sad and long story, Professor.

All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm.

Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting?

You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag. I love it even more than I love my seven wives.

I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody. And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

(CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN) You again. I'm back, snooty. We're here to liberate that robot fox,

Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on. Hey, check out the palm tree.

That he did surely not. What?

Attach brain slugs to them.

Amy's rich. She's probably got other characteristics.

I get a good vibe from this place-- nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me.

But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room...

(TORMENTED SCREAMING) So what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows? Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon.

Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file. Yeah, well, I did open the account over a thousand years ago. What about my A.T.M. card? Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work--

Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts?

Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy. It's a bluff. We can't take that chance. Move, people! Move! Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first.

Behold, the Great Stone Face of Mars. Hmm. The only known entrance to the Martian reservation. What about the Great Stone Ass of Mars? Well, yeah, but it's way on the other side of the planet. Noseward, ho!

I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper. A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers. It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do. So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant?

Yeah. It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997.

Fry, stop. She's gone. Dr. Zoidberg, can you note the time and declare the patient legally dead?

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable. Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public. No! Get away from there.

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring.

I call it Caribbean Drano.

I heard you from my room. What's wrong? Nothing. It's just...

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney. You've changed, Fry. What? I haven't changed. Suz, have I changed?

I don't want to die at the age of 25! Honey, unless we hit a time warp I wouldn't worry about it. It's too low! Quick!

(BIRD CHIRPING) Nope. (BABY MOBILE TINKLING) Man, I always wanted to ride in that stroller. But nope. Where could I have heard that music? Yo, Cosmic F. What up? Hey, my old break dancing crew.

Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed.

Oh. What's it called now? Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it?

Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami. (SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team. What a fool I was!

That makes the most sense of all. Look at the planets it's destroyed so far. First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company.

You know, like how I live every day.

That's using your ass. So what's the word? We think it's better if you don't know. Oh, come on. I'm not going to say it.

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

They'll save us. We're saved!

My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife?

I mean, cheating in a fake fight--

Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device. Tomorrow, it's the mad grad student! Where will it end? Amen, brother! I don't go anywhere without my mutated anthrax-- For duck huntin'.

I didn't abandon you! You wandered off! Stop judging me, Fry-bed! (BENDER GRUNTING)

Is this one of those "no means yes" deals?

My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

Come on, girdle.

(CHANTING) We want an Earthling, not a dirty space thing! Why are you rednecks doing this? Leela, don't stereotype. Why are you yokels doing this? I may be just a backwoods septic tank, but I've had it up to here with you foreigners. But I come from Earth.

Our first award tonight: best cinematography in a non-visible spectrum.

just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne."

Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong. I'm so glad we could admit Amy in exchange for your generous contribution. How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got?

(GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine.

I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you! Bender, do you know who that was? Cripes! The Masked Unit!

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh! Ow. What?

You just used up today's bathroom break.

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone.

Damn you, old man!

The common cold died out 500 years ago, and subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages, but the virus survived in you, frozen for 1,000 years. Huh. So it was hiding deep down inside of me, like my skeleton bones? Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it?

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

(KNOCKING AT DOOR) FRY: Bender, can I come in and talk? I'm kind of busy. Seeing Leela fly off the Hexadecapus and crash through the moon dome and survive inside a stuffed animal by breathing a balloon was a dose of reality. Come in. All this time, I've been wondering if I can spend my life with her.

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender.

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition.

Three, two, one.

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker!

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie. It's impossible! I mean, if she's my grandmother, who's my grandfather? Isn't it obvious? You are.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

Private Lemon... no need to leave. My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended.

Uh-huh. Good talk. We're done here. (SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up. Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot.

Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit.

But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with.

Unless, Fry you surrender my hands Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize

Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer,

No. Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing. All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back? Sorry, but I hold all the cards here. There's nothing you can do. Now if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver... Wait. What fiddle contest?

Oh! Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party? Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life. I am partied out! Dang. Sorry we missed it. We could have another one, if it would make you guys feel better.

We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting."

(SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine! And I helped! Wait. You told me it was an unstoppable ice cream machine. Ice cream is just a by-product of the machine!

Hurray! (SCREAMS) (BOTH SCREAMING)

Try and scrape it across your chest, like a knife on burnt toast. Come on. Move those arms. Use the power of mental thinking. Make it dynamic. Yeah-yeah-Yee! All right. Congratulations, my friend. Why? 'Cause I can make annoying noises?

Whew! Whew! Hi there. Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

- Neat. - Quite frankly, Robot 1-X... will put all my previous models to shame. Incidentally, would one of my previous models mind coming up here? Right here! I'm comin'! Come on, baby! I'm yours! Come on, Mom! jerk! Here we go.

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X."

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to.

I'm Glermo your gollyrific guide to the splentacular Slurm factory. Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now? You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie!

Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it! So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

Eh... Contrast is a little off on this one. (GRUNTING) Oh! Bender, hurry up! This one is really good. But I can still do better.

I'm at the input console. I'm a little nervous, and I've got brain in my butt crack. Roger. Once you press the detonator, you will have 60 seconds for an exciting escape.

I want to go home.

(GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha. Find that apple. It's down there somewhere.

Bender, meet Fast Frank Brogan. Daredevil engineer dies in the crash of Old '88. Dandy Jim and Gus. Gentlemen hobos with a story to tell.

And to all my young friends at the orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero. Slurm her!

Fifty-three years old? Ohhh! Now I'll need a fake I.D. to rent ultra porn.

Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent.

No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved. BOTH: Phew!

Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases.

I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad...

My work here is done.

It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right. It's going to blow!

Bender, old buddy, hang in there. Here lies the bravest soldier I've seen since my mirror got grease on it. I hereby order that in Bender's honor he be melted down and made into a statue of himself.

Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth.

Off you go, apparently.

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest.

Trees down. Trees down.

With that big new Romanticorp contract, I've been able to make those government-mandated upgrades... You've all been suing me about. Ooh, look. You taped up the cracks in the dark-matter reactor. And you got a cage for the lion.

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes, but I guess everything worked out in the end.

I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

Yes. And I've had enough!

Hi. I'm joan Rivers's head. I tell you, I've had so many face-lifts, they finally lifted it right off my body. It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.

No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

Your limbs will gradually transform into a slithering mass of tentacles. Oh, God! So, how many cures are there for this disease? I'm afraid none. The only treatment is an incredibly expensive operation that just delays the symptoms for a few months. Oh!

Let the contest begin! (SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent. Yes. You see, I used the projector from my kabuki theater.

That's from TV, Geordi. Well, what sort of stealth technology do we have? A can of paint. (CAN RATTLING) (BEEPING) Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home. Home? That's where I live. Let them through the blockade.

Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time.

I'll always remember you, Fry. Memory deleted. I know it hurts, buddy,

(LAUGHING) Please, Leela. Who ever heard of a plane with a woman President? Welcome to Plan Am flight one to Acapulsar. The local time on Acapulsar is five years from now. In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents.

He always has time for me, whether it's sending me on a delivery, or just pulling me aside to tell me I'm doing a bad job. And why? Because he's family, and family is always there for each other. I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies.

Aah! My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow!

Get ready for some electroshock treatment!

Any advice for them?

KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

What was it like? It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

Oh, no! What have I done?

I may be against the fur industry but that won't stop me from skinning you alive... as long as no one wears the skin. Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned.

Anything else? Yeah. You're lumpy, and you smell awful. Hey, I calls 'em like I sees 'em. I'm a whale biologist. Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time.

How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I?

Security! I want that bunch of rowdies out of here!

Ooh! Ah! Oh! Ew! Ah! Is this what human mating looks like? Because I like it. Move your freaking hoof, you goat! Here, I brought you these. Oh, why, daffodilS. 70 years and you remembered my favorite flower. Your favorite what?

Aki, what's Elzar making? Well, Hiroke-san, when I asked him, he asked what business it was of mine... and conjectured that my mother was a prostitute. In the English countryside, many prostitutes decorate their rooms with festive gourds.

That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help. There is. Get in, Nonchalanto. Bertha, no! It would kill you!

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner? God, yes, Elzar!

(EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close.

I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals... to make the most evil creature of them all. It turns out it's man.

I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish?

(CROWD GASPING) What... Oh! Scandalous! It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy.

Very well. Release him. As for the others, take them to the Snu-snu chambers!

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't.

Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this!

If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY) Hey, Leela. Mmm. What smells saturated? Deep-fried ice cream sandwich wrapped in frosting and lightly baconed.

Go ahead. His bowels aren't gonna disem themselves. Can't we just go? Mm-mmm. Not until you blow something up. Aww, man. Uh...

I'm de-promoting you, soldier.

She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots. Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible! Hey, the TV's getting away!

Then dump his one-eyed ass. I can't. If I leave Alcazar that's the end of the Cyclops race and I won't let that happen even if it means a lifetime of unhappiness. Leela, mop up in aisle number two. I'll break up with him at dinner.

You know, when I'm upset, I write a song about it. Like, when I wrote "Devil's Haircut," I was feeling really-- - What's that song about? - Hey, yeah. I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay." "Odelay" is a word. just look it up in the Becktionary. Oh.

Now I'm all you got!

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS) I'd better carve a shiv for protection.

No! Nibbler, come back!

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry.

On three. One... Oh, it just got real. So real I don't believe it. ...two...

NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what.

You know each other? Guenter is my experiment. He was the top-secret contents of this stinking crate. I'd rather live in a crate than share a room with this dork. So what makes Guenter talk? Is he genetically engineered? Oh, please. That's preposterous science fiction mumbo jumbo.

I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work.

That explains it. I get it. For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy. It's just too bad for her there's no cure, I assume. Oh, but there is! A skilled surgeon could perform a nose transplant. Ah! You're right! And I, as a renowned ear, nose, and blowhole doctor,

LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube? It's my dad. Quick, hide! (GRUNTS) What's going on in here? Nothing. I was just playing foosball. By myself. I thought I told you to kill those foos.

You can talk! You can talk? How ironic. Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets.

Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new? Oh, you know-- What are we supposed to do for money?

Thanks to your husband's humanity, I lived to raise my own daughter, and she, a daughter in turn.

Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

She lives... no more. But let us all find comfort knowing that she truly loved me. To honor my pain, I shall star in a film dedicated to her memory. And this time, the Academy will not deny me.

Viewers of the world, do smoking and drinking on TV really make me cool?

Oh, woN't you take me to funkytown won't you take me to Funkytown - Thank you.

But my parents were simple hedge fund managers who couldn't appreciate my interest in science. Mom, Dad, look what I made! (YAWNING) That's wonderful, dear. Here you go, Squeakers. I was accepted to MIT at the age of 14,

Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar!

You're never going to win that science fair, Philip. Face it. Someone with your limited brainpower would be lucky to get a job as a pizza delivery boy. Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy.

Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished.

Ooh! When I pull this switch, the maternifuge will spin at 10,000 r.p.m., separating out everyone who isn't the mother-- uh, father-- uh, whatever.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

(RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

What about my service?

Thanks for helping solve the mystery. After practicing against five Larry Birds, we're ready for anything. ANNOUNCER: And now, introducing the opponents, six Larry Birds! (CROWD CHEERING)

Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency. Very good! Seriously, though, I'm never giving back this body. Now, beat it, before I get Cambodian on your asses!

Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

The evidence against Zapp Brannigan is strong However, in light of his years of service and the incompetence of this hillbilly prosecutor I'm afraid I must dismiss all charges. Dismiss all charges? Your Honor, I know the case is closed and you've rendered your verdict but I want to testify.

What are you doing, darling? Get down! Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!"

Congratulations on your big bust. You, too. Keep it up, and you boys might just make detective. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go drop a big one. Wow. I can't believe it. One more promotion, and I'll be a real detective, like Sherlock Holmes or Speed Buggy.

I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my all. I underestimated you, medical crab. But will the aliens understand?

I promise to build a really big Dyson fence across the southern border of our solar system. (CHEERING) And furthermore, by golly, I promise to cut taxes for the rich and use the poor as a cheap source of teeth for aquarium gravel.

Know ye now what it feels like to be dog god! Commencing D.N.A. extraction! Fry, come on! The talent show. What? I'm in the middle of something.

I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry, in honor of my little brother, who I miss every day. I love you, Philip, and I always will.

But this time, I'm the one criticizing the sausage. (RUMBLING) (GASPING) (SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING)

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin.

So, you called my thesis a fat sack of barf, and then you stole it? Welcome to academia. He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy! Earth will come to a stop, and... Half of you will cook, and half of you will freeze. Earth will be one big McDLT. We just got that commercial last year.

(PANICKED CLAMORING)

There, there. I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy! Hey, wait! You can't leave... What?

That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while.

I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot... living in a manbot's manputer's world? What? And now, my meddling manbot,

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

A woman? I'm scared. Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video.

Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge. No time! Run! Run to safety!

The professor's right, you are evil and shallow! I am not evil! So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me. I'd make up stuff like, "I have sweaty boot rash,"

Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say.

You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING)

Good night, Hubert. You doing all right out there, buddy?

Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks! I'll take eight. Please don't stop playing, Fry.

Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

I am one hungover cryogenicist. just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss. I think you're forgetting our motto.

- That's why I'm only telling you two. - Oh, my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! But don't tell anyone.

So's your fantasies has always been to destroys a planet, huh? Yeah. What did they ever do for me? Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes. What should we do next? I wanna see the edge of the universe.

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone.

You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat! Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf!

Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

Don't worry about it. Do the robot, baby!

Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right. I'm so confused. The Bender I liked turned out to be evil and the Bender I hated was good. How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil?

I could write a song... with real words. Not phony ones, like "odelay." "Odelay" is a word. just look it up in the Becktionary. Oh.

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

Nope. Nothing. It's like when I passed out in college, except no one drew Magic Marker penises on my forehead. Well, (SIGHS) I suppose it's for the best, considering the unbearable horrors you've endured. Let's never speak of it again. It all began a few days ago.

- I'll take four! - Me too!

Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even. You know, Coilette, I've never before met a woman as fascinating as I am.

(GUNSHOTS FIRING)

(BUBBLING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say!

I'm all scuttled out. Wha--

I locked down the exits, but he may have already gotten away.

Nobody doesn't like Molten Boron

Harsh, violent action! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Kif, get us out of here. (BUZZING) Navigation is out. We're sitting ducks. Is there an auxiliary control system? Yes, outside on the hull. But there are 20 separate control keys.

There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control All right! (ALL CRUNCHING)

Due to technical difficulties, we now bring you eight animated shows in a row.

Two men go down, one come up.

(ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

We are not ignorant villagers. We're sophisticated New New Yorkers. Whup his butt!

Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr!

Hey, don't look at me like that! If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot! This is all my fault. I let my best friend risk his life just to get my dead dog back.

Ma'am, I have a late entry. My hard-shelled whooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg. Faster! Faster!

So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger?

Wait, does that include me? (GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible. Just 2,045 more to go.

It's over. My dream of being a chef... is deader than the cat I'm sitting on. Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo."

She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying. It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies...

Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks. All right, people I will now outline today's 12-point agenda.

From this day forth Robot House is on dodeca-tuple secret probation. No fair! My mom is going to kill me.

Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh.

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father. (ALL CHEER)

They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

No one could squeeze under there. No one except a legendary limbo champion. Oh, Hermes. Ooh, it's been a while. Ah! This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.

Come on, guys. Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again.

Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome! Lucky.

Of course I do. I try so hard to fit in but seeing my parents act like that made me realize I'm just a primitive beast. Hey, hey, cheer up.

We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh! We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.

Hey. He's lying. Obviously.

It's time to put a real scientist in charge. Wernstrom! The very same. Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese.

I'll be in the swamp, blowing the smirk off a toxic Yeti.

I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma.

The trip will be dangerous. Only three in 10 will survive. Let's all 10 of us go together. There's safety in numbers. (EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE) I reckon my boy will be right pleased when I regurgitate that into his mouth.

Oops! Whoopsie! My bad. Dibs on the toes. (STRUMS OFF TUNE) So how's it going with the real-world experience? Have you found a railroad man to write a song about? Yep, my good friend Big Something here.

(CHEERING) You know what the best part is? From now on, whenever we're eating fresh, organic space-meat, we'll know exactly where it comes from. One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds.

No! (CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters. And attempt to duplicate his meatball recipe.

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher,

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

Let's ask my apprentice, David Farnsworth. (GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him! Arm yourselves! I call it the Franklinator. The apprentice's suite is empty! He's gone! Wait. What's that glistening in the chamber pot?

I'm off to the head museum to hang out with classy heads like me who appreciate the finer things: poetry, philosophy, hats. So long, coffin-stuffers!

Think of the unborn embryo.

Come on! I got a place where I like to hide after crimes. Aw, He looks like a little insane drunken angel. Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto.

You're impossible. It's just as well. I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater.

Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis?

Hang on, Nibbler! Uncle Bender's coming to save you. Damn, it's too small. What do those humans design this for, anyway?

I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die. People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab!

Pretty woman walkin' down the street Pretty woman Ow! Ow! Ow! The kind I like tO meet pretty woman I don't believe you you're not the truth no one could look As good As you

In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes and into the cackling hell within us all.

Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry!

- Probably you. - Me? Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

Poke harder, damn it!

Nah. I've got a lazier idea.

We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello. Also Wolfman. Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy?

Now, turn, ye two, and gaze deeply into each other's eyes. What are you lookin' at? May the love I sense between you... at this moment remain with you both through all your days.

No food or drink allowed on the tour.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore.

Way to go, Professor. The plan worked. "Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex.

Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated. And two, and three and four, and, come on, work those arms.

That was a hell of a massage. Maybe the best that ever was. Say, where are we? (GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water.

I've got to adjust the memory timing, raise the CPU voltage, and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted.

Back. Back. Thanks, handsome.

His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

Mine! is the bond I share with my Smizmarr, Amy.

Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you. Josh Gedgie, boy scientist.

Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Okay. I'll try. Ugh! Go away! Ooh! I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you.

"In memory of the first Planet Express ship and its crew." Hang on. "It's" shouldn't have an apostrophe. This means "and it is crew."

Thanks for saving me from that creep, Fry. Hey, that's what I do.

Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow. Gross! Ick! Mm.

Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

Hey, Fry, want to see a picture? Sure. Hmm... He looked at the photo and that happened. But it could just be a coincidence. Yo, Amy, check it out.

Now, then, while many of you do half-ass jobs and the rest do jobs whose ass ratio ranges from 42% to a mere 11%, only the most pathetically useless employee will be fired today. And that employee is... Hermes Conrad.

Go yourself. Behold another power,

(LAUGHING) And then they burst out laughing a second time. (LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years.

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up.

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right!

(MAN SCREAMS) (ALL GASP) What is it? Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus!

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking!

Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee! Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years? I was enjoying it until you guys showed up. Well, now everything is back as it was.

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car. But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight,

I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?!

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what? Let the ritual begin! The rules are the same as in the home version. Lrrr must simply choose between myself and Leela...

Here, let me help you.

I'm not sure science is your thing, seeing how that chimp at the zoo tricked you out of your allowance. Yeah, well, I'll show you and Mr. Bananas. Anyway, I've got nothing better to do while I'm sick in bed. Wait, that's it! I'll make a space experiment about the common cold. Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius. Oh, good.

MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. (MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me.

I was working on Project Satan a savage, intelligent military vehicle built from the most evil parts of the most evil cars in all the world-- the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider.

Might a homeless old man... have a touch more beef bourguignon... and another tequila slammer? Please?

Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste. What is it? I burned my finger. Okay, check the guidebook.

What party do you belong to, Bender? Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

All right, listen up, nitwits. Who here is tired of illegal space aliens taking our good Earth jobs?

Hey! Occupato. Most important of all is the big-screen tv.

Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box,

- Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on. You know what I like best about you, Umbriel? You find me fascinating even when I'm not claiming to be a jewel thief or a lion tamer.

It looks like a ditch full of fried shrimp. What are you? Blind? It looks more like a hole full of fried prawns. Hmm, this thing I wear on my wrist says they're not poisonous. Well, how are they?

That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes! Dear Captain's Diary--

(EXCLAIMS) So, we can go back to Earth? But there is no Earth anymore. Everyone I know is dead! (SOBBING)

Oh, that reminds me. You've all taken your pressure pills, right? Yes. Stop asking.

Enough of this foolishness!

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

(GASPS) I'm rich. Ow! Is it a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts, you donkey-monkey. It's a robot ghost. (ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone.

Wha-- You heard me! In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil. Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart. And you all do the same. Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight. You guys are dating?

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on!

It worked! Gravity normal. Air returning. Terror replaced by cautious optimism. We did it, Fry! Fry?

Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face. Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

I'd recognize this anywhere. (GASPS) (GROWLS) What is it, little buddy? Is it a layer cake? Or maybe World Series tickets? A trip wire. But who's tripping who?

That was Ndnd. She's taking me back!

Well, sorry, Bender. I guess I owe you an... Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway? Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject.

We have a saying up in Alaska.

Give us a name, MacButt!

Yes, I will. Yep! Are you my new hot water heater? No. I'm Bender. We met once. Remember? Absolutely not. Come on. Don't you remember how much I was bugging you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy.

I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop! Good news, everyone! Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy.

I just got kidnapped by a bunch of guinea pigs.

Off you go, apparently.

As a pitcher, I serve up plenty of beanballs, so I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest. Cut!

I'm betting it all. Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet! Snake eyes. Wait, my cheating unit malfunctioned. You got to give me a do-over. Sorry, the house limit is three do-overs. Next shooter.

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific.

I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me. Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home.

I have no choice but to--

What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

Ah-ah! A package is just a box until it's delivered. Huh! I'd never thought of it that way. So what do you do these days? Oh, I'm a doctor. A tall doctor, you say.

I trust you... (SNARLING)

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

Mark, set, go, yo! One more lap!

I guess what I've been trying to say is we should all be ashamed.

There's lots of great places to meet people. The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick. Oh, WOW, it's totally retro.

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms...

No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy! We're willing to listen to your demands.

But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my de-bugger. Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking.

Hey, look! I'm stuck, but I haven't given up hope. Call a soft-news journalist. You're not stuck. Shut up. Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender.

They're basically slaves. What are you doing? I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and dunk my head in so I can drink. No. That's moronic. Fine. I'll let go and swim around in the Slurm and drink as much as I want.

Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood!

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families.

With courage in her female baby smile A savior from the stars Or something stranger still Or just a lonely filthy starving child Amy, Fry's looking at me. What am I supposed to be feeling? Ah.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Come on, Hermes! Beat that mahogany god! It's Barbados, then Conrad. Conrad pulls ahead.

I've got one dollar left, and this one I'm holding onto. Oh, no, you don't!

Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake! Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma.

My plan is to take all the remaining buggalo...

- So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass...

We just need a big disposable tub to mix it in. Yo! Now it needs to boil for a couple hours. Yup! Dwight, you remember the crew.

Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right.

What's this under the chocolates? Yeah, you take care of that whenever you want.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

I've had it with this game. I'm going for a scuttle.

That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Well, we're bankrupt in six, five,

Choke on that, causality! 1947 can kiss my shiny metal-- Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing.

That's why, with all due respect, I'm asking you to leave.

You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah!

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society!

(FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker. Legion of Benders, come unto me!

Live bait. Get your live bait here.

It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda.

That Guy's turning this place into some kind of "business." This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor.

(GROANING) No hara-kiri today, but "heiwa no dansu," the gelatinous dance of peace.

Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

Ew! She's Scottish. I lance her every few months, but she always grows back. (WEEPING) It's hard enough being a Cyclops, but if anyone found out about Susan, I'd be devastated.

So your real name is Lord Nibbler? That's a coincidence.

Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up. Home run! Yay, yay! Right?

Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not!

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure.

It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga? Sometimes you pull one and... Yeah, well, I'm not staying like this. I can't believe it. Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned.

That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it.

(GROWLS AND GALLOPING) Oh, God, I'm having a Serengeti flashback. Die, you dirty giraffe! (SCREECHING) Well, I got it. Now what, Captain? You know, I'm not sure. I guess I thought whales died when you harpooned them.

I'm the star of the show. Shh.

Oh. Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh!

We can't get through. The planet's blockaded. That won't stop us. Activate cloaking device. There's no such thing.

I hope you're all happy.

The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box. Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination?

Wait, there's still some beer left. Huh? (GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

Nurse! Let's do it. You may feel small pain. Thank you.

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth.

Now look, you and me are through. I told you that when I divorced you. But goin' through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer. Care to dance? Well, you know I love dancin', but you always hated it. In that case, it's somethin' I've always wanted to make up to you.

We're getting nowhere slowly.

It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah. Meet Mr. Sunbeam.

Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs.

That space whale wasn't a monster. It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it! So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off?

I'd like to make one final statement. Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault.

(MEOWING) NIBBLER: What do cats need with that much yarn and cobalt? They're doing something downstairs. We've got to find out what.

Leela, what in the name of Jah happened?

I should have listened to my crew. That space whale wasn't a monster. It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us. You guys want to do this? Yeah. You know it!

The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head. And now the neck. Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis,

So, um, Amy, wh-what do you wanna do now?

(APPLAUSE) Thank you. (STRUMS GUITAR)

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive.

The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it-- crazy over the years.

Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation. So, my humiliation is over?

Munda, dear, as your captain and soon-to-be husband, I gave you an order. Now, let's tell these vicious lies and get back to our sacred vows. There's not going to be any wedding. I don't want your fancy ring. Careful! That's glass! Leela was right. You're a lousy man and a lousy captain.

There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little... Wow! That hurt... the air.

(COUGHING) Linda? Morbo. The so-called "common cold" introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry, is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry.

Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you!

Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York. There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater. Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over.

A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently.

Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work. Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me?

Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk!

Security! Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes. With ironic pleasure. Let's go, trespassers.

But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife-- Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand.

How dare he run off with Richard Nixon. Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said

Sir, the Constitution clearly states that nobody can be elected president more than twice. That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body.

(GRUNTS) (WHISTLES) You sure take after your old man! I never knew my father. (SQUEAKS) It's not important.

Now it's daylight. So, he should be in robot form... but be careful. Many robots are stupid and violent. I wish I was stupid and violent. Then we'd see what's what. I'd pound him till I... oh! Get ye to your houses, ye ignorant villagers. Hey!

Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose.

What? We're goin' back to civilization...

No! I'm afraid the smell-a-scope isn't powerful enough. Bender's odor is so mild, it's being overpowered by local sources. Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

I'm a conscientious objector. A what? You know-- a coward.

As a robot living among humans I've never really felt accepted at parties or nude beaches. So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

Play Whip It! No. Play the other one.

Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Crazy sucker. Phil, you're hype! That was ice-cold, bro. Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

Good news, everyone.

The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth. Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you! Goodbye! It was fun maturing with you, but at this point in my life cycle,

It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be? You'll be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. So... I'm going to be a... delivery boy? Exactly.

Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great.

Aw! Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked.

Ow! Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes. This dumb holiday just makes me think of all the things I left behind. Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people!

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal? He's got me beat. Now, we all love Nibbler, so it's only fair... that we all pitch in and clean it up together. Still, I propose we make Zoidberg do it. All in favor? All opposed?

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad. Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh! Extra! Extra! Greatest opera of all time sucks!

Whoops! Leela, those eyes look so great on you.

Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action! ...pause! Still rolling.

Ah, good old Bender.

It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube.

It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo!

Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares. We're not listening! That's what I'm talking about!

Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick?

If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong. Help! I'm being held prisoner! Wha-- Someone in trouble is.

I need something that'll make me less inferior to today's modern machinery. Can you help me? No problem. I prepare operating room. (CAT MEOWING) Oh, honey, I'm home! (DOOR OPENING) Pops?

The son, as it happens, is vice president. That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

Ah, now for a dash of salt. Uh-oh.

And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING) I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings.

(ALL EXCLAIM) We're back, baby!

(GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg.

- Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you? Hey... what I don't do is none of your business. Please, Bender, have some malt liquor--

Yeah. It's pretty romantic. I mean platonic.

but I think we should just be friends.

NDND: I knew it! Frying pans! Cast-iron frying pans! It's not what it looks like! What do I do? Do what I say. Tell her! Tell me what? Give me the heavy one. (SIGHS) The invasion was all a fake. I just wanted to impress you.

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait!

Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed.

Kif, I'd love to live with you... someday, but before then, there's still lots I wanna do on my own. What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the--

Too bad, 'cause he's still alive. Lando? Told you I'd be back. You've grown, Junior. I'm 61. I don't know him. What else you got?

The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion. They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like!

in case of extinction. And I brought a few seeds of my own. (BARKING) Halt! What's your business pokey-poking about the seed vault? Guardian of mankind's precious botanical heritage there? We just want to come in and rummage about a bit. Oh, so... Okay.

I'm the loneliest person on Earth. Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh? Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan. Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe.

Okay. All set. Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like.

Never! SMITTY: Other guy. Listen up, piggies, I want a hovercopter, and an unmarked sandwich, and a new face with, like, a Hugh Grant look. And every five minutes I don't get it, someone's going to get stabbed in the ass! DR. ZOIDBERG: He's bluffing. (STABBING SOUND) Ouch! He's not bluffing!

Ah. So quiet, so peaceful. Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack.

Si! Ouch-o! Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched.

Okay. I got to break down that gate beat up those three guards, steal that chopper and rescue Bender.

It looks so unhappy.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't.

So you lost the atom, huh? You're garbage, human garbage! Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth?

I don't know. I mainly hang out in here. Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder. I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it. Now I'll convert that guitar image to a wire-frame model.

Should we trust him, Your Neutralness? All I know is, my gut says, "Maybe."

Bad news, friends. My shell ran. Zoidberg, you idiot!

We're all very lucky and not suspicious to have him.

Aw, yeah, that's it. Little lower. - How's that? - Lower. Yeah, that's getting it. Little lower, though. I can't get any lower than this. I'll say. You're rubbing my ass.

What the... No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming! As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.

Noon tomorrow. If you're late, you only get to tread water in the scallop tank. Yeah, I'll have a coffee. Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please.

and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil. Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart. And you all do the same. Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight. You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married.

I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great, due in part to titillating scenes from depraved alien TV programs... too filthy for Earth broadcast. Let's watch. Human horn? But it is forbidden.

And my friend says "That's not my gold-plated 25-pin connector." Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in.

I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out. (IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam!

I'm afraid you're both out of your league, boys 'cause you're looking at a woman who owns her own harpoon. Harpoon, my ass. Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use... crickets, squid chicken necks? Excuse me. If I might be so bold,

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please.

Bender! Fry? How'd you find me? I used the Find My Robot app. BENDER: Neat. What was it, 99 cents? No, free. But it's got ads on it. That seems fair. Look, Bender, I'm sorry for doubting you.

Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with Earth. May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet.

Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Let's watch, shall we?

Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo! Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.

(GASPS) Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Say, where are we? (GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water.

She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

Oh, no, they caught my scent. I better throw them off by rubbing myself with something. (CRUNCHING NOISE) That's no good. Wait, I know what'll confuse those dogs. Catnip. (CATS YOWLING)

Fruzen Gladje! Fry! You're embarrassing us! I don't care! I'm finally having fun!

I'll be waiting.

(SNARLING) Okay, let's just get in, get out and... Now what? Now we wait for nature to take its course. How long does it take to pass through a moon worm?

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two.

He can't be lyin', boss. Not after a Krantzing like that. All right. Then I'm afraid we must kill you and dispose of your body in the nearest dumpster. This one we're in seems pretty close. (SHRIEKS)

Here's corpsey!

Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez!

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be!

(ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead.

So, do we have the contract?

Ah, it's good to be back in one piece again... except I can't get these damn bumper stickers off. The sheer drama of this election has driven voter turnout to its highest level in centuries-- six percent. Exit polls show evil underdog Richard Nixon trailing with an estimated zero votes.

If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies.

Relax. There's nothing unethical about covert biological weapons research.

I've just been under a lot of stress lately down at the plant, you know? They're bringing in computers to "improve productivity," and, well, that's no excuse for how I acted.

Good-bye, cruel world. Good-bye, cruel lamp. Good-bye, cruel velvet drapes lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the...

(SIGHS) I don't know. I guess I'm just feeling uneasy about us being so on-again-off-again. Maybe it's none of my business, but if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time. And I mean all the time. But what would that be like? I mean, if we were together, where would we be 10 years from now?

Executive Alpha, programmed to like things it has seen before. Hey, hey, hey.

Lowly slave, why are you not working? I am. I meant yourself to death. Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe. Well, then what do you think you should stop doing? Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh.

ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

(ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney?

Will I have pants on in this dream? Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up. Now remember, while you're in the dream,

Stop! It's driving me sane! Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that. I know exactly where you left your ship.

(CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST)

Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah!

From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike? Now I'll never get to bend anything!

(CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer.

What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little.

eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives. Ah! Here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck.

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee.

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep!

I'll truly understand the plight of the mutant people. How dare you.

I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior. It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these.

but I hope you'll consider donating the body to science dinner. (SLURPING) Here, Mr. Peppy. Mmm, lovely bones. We've been walking for hours. I hope we can find our way back. Don't worry, I left a trail of bread crumbs.

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola. The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right. This is a monkey.

What the hell are we doing? We're all gonna die so this junkyard golem can celebrate Robanukah. You vile racist.

Now, wouldn't it be nice if you had a pair of robot hands to replace them? Sure would. Oh, well, good-bye. Fry, you smelly idiot. I think he's willin' to make some kind of deal with the devil with you. H-H-He is? Great! Wait. What's the catch? No catch.

Wh-Wh-What do you want from me? We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again. Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom... Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so. It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell.

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life.

My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone. Look at that five o'clock rust. You've been up all night not drinking, haven't you?

One. Two. One-half. I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner... and the first half of a movie.

Fry! I missed you. Did you find out what you needed to find out? I'm about to. Leela, let me play for you one more time.

No more crutch or withered leg! Someone's sure to adopt me now! Well, Bender, I guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life. (CHAINSAW WHIRRING) (METAL CLANKING) I'm sorry. You were saying something?

Yes, Bender? Boo! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Okay, too bad, goodbye. You're not through with this level. I have another lens. Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon.

Eww! We constructed it from the remnants... of old discarded Macy's Parade balloons-- Underdog's groin, Bart Simpson's left ear and right shin, Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

It's good to see you. Is it good to see me? Of course. AMY: Come on in, Leela. Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space.

Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy. My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue.

Puh-lease. For your information, it's because he's hideous. Mmm.

bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas. It should say, "Top-quality Exercycle for sale." And could you put "top-quality" in bold? You can't? Okay, whatever. Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists. So let's all help keep Bigfoot possibly alive...

Enough of your mad obsession with Bender, Fry. We've got to murder that whale, or die trying. This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and...

The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks.

Flexo! Careful! That's a week old!

Oh, Pazuzu! Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister! Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on!

(ALL BOOING) (BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage! ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! If you hate intolerance and being punched in the face by me, please support Proposition Infinity!

You know him as... Calculon! Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse. Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain.

At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

I'm sorry. Hug me, Liubot.

(DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

My name's joe, and I'm a defrostee. Hello, Joe. When I was frozen, giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to. Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street.

You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES) (LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela! Oh! Ah!

"Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him.

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING)

Feh! I am Singing Wind, chief of the Martian tribe. Take me to your leader. Moving along. Why you trespass on our land? We come to negotiate the release of Amy Wong. And, just to clarify, land is the stuff that has sky over it.

People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night.

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one!

Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies. Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on. Who needs accomplices, if I can just use their bodies? (DEVICE BEEPING)

a one-eyed woman. Hoo-hoo! Come on! Throw like a girl! Too much eyeliner!

What could possibly-- Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball.

What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender.

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

Could Bender be setting these fires just so he can be a hero? Oh, I don't know. Possible, feasible. Maybe. Yeah, probably. How dare you murmur about Bender like that! He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely.

I don't know why my brother hated me so much. Oh, brothers always fight. I'm sure deep down he loved you. He just never got a chance to say it before you got frozen. You think? 'Cause I always kinda wished that--

We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises.

If it ain'ts the world's number ones Internet sensation. Where? Also, what? Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No!

Thanks, Colonel. Just doing my job, ma'am.

Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh.

What's happening? Space cow? The ship's just taking the breakup a little hard. She's nuts! In a few moments,

Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores.

Do your worst, ya sea devils!

False alarm, folks. There's no reason to make toys, since Santa judges everyone to be naughty. That's it. I'm gonna deliver a gift of my boot up Santa's chimney. Where is he? There, in his ice fortress.

We don't have long. We demand bouncing, followed by rolling, followed by rolling of the third type. Say what? My chair's too hard. It's a real pain in the... Uh, what do you call it? Lower back. Yeah, that whole region.

Wait. What about the animals? Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals.

(BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head!

Today, we hunt the most dangerous game, aside from lawn darts, a cunning robotic adversary so deviously clever that... For God's sake. Then again, a nice run through a meadow, who could say no to that? What?

Turn it off before she barfs up her bucket of hot wings!

Apparently, Amy hasn't been working out much lately. As the tea boils, please join hands... with your beloved Smizmarr.

English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

It's so nice to meet the Professor's parents. I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important. Hey, Zoidberg, you forgot to empty this trash can.

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%.

Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

This boot print on the professor's lab coat.

Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass. Leela, we have much to discuss. Please come join me on the planet of your birth. Coordinates follow. Well, too bad we've got to make that urgent popcorn delivery.

Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness. Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine. Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it! Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert.

So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificent bastard, do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING) Alien ships approaching, sir.

Guys, guys! My sausage made the finals at Oktoberfest! We gotta go back for the closing ceremony! Oktoberfest? (CLUCKS) Sounds like fun!

It's where I keep my warning signs, all right? Stop asking questions! Fine. Can I go now? The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow!

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself.

Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks. - He big jerk like man. - I sure am, but check the crotch.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I...

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

Fry can't pretend to be both our boyfriends. Sure, I can. I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company. I'd like to impose a toast on the happy couple. Down the hatch. Hear, hear. Now let's have a kiss. Yes, Fry,

We just busted our buns delivering a million papers, and this is how you greet us, with a bunch of frosty cold beers? Hey. Wait a second. How did you deliver a million papers in one hour? Uh, we just did, okay? 'Cause we're awesome. - Yeah. Uh-huh. Awesome. - Yeah! Awesome!

Holy camoly! The house I grew up in! It's still there! Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place.

Keep them and let us go? No! To determine who is more worthy of my fanatical devotion, I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that?

i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies! I don't even remember shooting this scene. We didn't. That's security camera footage from your dressing room.

You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution.

FARNSWORTH: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, stop. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry... My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh!

(GASPS) That proves it. Looking at this photo of Langdon Cobb has a horrific effect on living creatures. Hey, Zoidberg, look at this photo of Langdon Cobb. What, a picture of Langdon Cobb? Now, this I want to see as clearly as possible. Zoidberg, no!

Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home? 'Cause your apartment smells like Poly Grip and cat pee! This is perfect for me! Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free--

Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore.

You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle. Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically." You listen to me. I'm out a million bucks here. You get me that Oscar or you're dead, you and these sniveling lobsters! Dead! You hear me? Dead!

Once a robot comes here, he's mine for all eternity. Now hit the bricks. (SIGHS) You heard him, Bender. Calculon's gone forever. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort.

Great. First he steals my body, now he's touching my stuff.

Oh! Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so. What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes.

Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake.

Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner? God, yes, Elzar! Well, I sure enjoyed cooking for you and to make everything completely square I want you to have these complimentary after-dinner chocolates.

Let's go already! (OWL HOOTING) (ALL EXCLAIM)

(SEWAGE BUBBLING) (VEHICLES HONKING) Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses. Prepare to storm the surface for the Million Mutant March!

Ah, nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker of fine cognac.

Do you have any gum? No.

And she lived in a magical one-room... Castle? Yeah, if you believe the listing agent. Anyhow, one day, the princess went off to tell a story. And then, that's exactly what she did do, that.

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring.

Here they are, freshly laundered and... (GROWLING)

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

What? It's still on? Oh!

Stop hoggin' the clover! Oww!

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth.

I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity! I changed my mind!

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier.

Oh, it's a turnstile.

I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

FARNSWORTH: My God! FRY: That's what I was gonna say!

Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

(SQUELCHING) They killed him. Joyous Kwanzaa, everybody.

because I love you.

We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant. $3 at the drugstore.

Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads. Someone must have used my press while I was poking around in Charlotte.

Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on. All My Circuits is brought to you by... Robo Fresh. Designed by a robot for a robot.

Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

Thanks to you, I lost my bet with the Borax Kid. Never bet against me being stupid.

Michelle, baby, where you going?

Hubert j. Farnsworth was born April 9, 2851, in New New York's nerdiest slum-- Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers...

Good work, Evans. You've got a future around here. Thank you, sir.

Or more. Much more. In that horrid non-robot body? Sir, I have my standards. Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body? (GIGGLES) Me, posing as a lowly bending unit? How wicked! But wait, I'm supposed to give a speech at the U.N. tomorrow.

Any new business? No.

What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo!

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly. The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why. Guys! Guys! There's something on television.

It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam.

Hello. Awesome Express, the rude crude delivery dudes. How may I direct your call? What's that? You haven't gotten your paper? In how long?

Oh, can't I? No. Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you.

We have to wake him up. Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves.

(BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth. (ALL GASPING)

Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day. That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans? We sure are cheerful this morning.

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns!

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape? All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that?

What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you. What is it?

Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day.

I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw!

Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

Oh, I'm about to lose history's greatest life all because of some useless old people. They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole, and watch TV at incredible volume, and they generate electricity. (GASPS) That's it!

If you're here to make war, we surrender. Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people. Bushwah! Now, what's your mission? Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid?

horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness.

That plot makes perfect sense, wink, wink. Bender, you said "wink, wink" out loud. I didn't. Raise middle finger.

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government.

My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets.

Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Oh, my God. It's Randy!

Good news, everyone. Today marks our dear friend... Dr. Zoidberg's tenth year with Planet Express. Huzzahs are in order! Huzzah. Huzzah. Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg! I will now read the mandatory speech.

Um, a little help, please. Whoa!

Yeah, we'll show 'em. All Awesome Express needs... is a sturdy interstellar delivery craft. VoilÀ! You got a quarter? Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk?

Goin' through the 'bot wash Goin' through the robot wash

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

Mom, Dad, you remember Kif. This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him. He too scrawny to father grandchildren. He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda! You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

What shall I do with your civilian clothes, sir? Take them to the laundry brig. So, do I have your loyalty, men? To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here.

I'll take eight. Please don't stop playing, Fry. I want to hear how it ends.

There's only one way to ensure victory.

Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

Bender? I smell burning tusk. That's probably it. Kill the engine. (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING)

The mechano-man has caught something. Sweet zombie jesus! It's huge! It's coming up!

This guy's too trustworthy. What's his angle?

I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working. I'm not sure, either. We better ask Amy. Well, that's the last one. But what does a monkey financial services corporation want with a fleet of classic cars?

Mom! It's me, Bender! Look at me! I want attention. Hey, ho!

Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep. I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks, and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery?

Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender. This war is in danger of going all quagmire on me. So, I'm sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace.

I've got to figure out where Leela went. I just need some kind of clue. Ow! (GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from? I think it fell from the sky, but I'm not sure. Now I'm sure. (BOTH YELLING)

You'll be safe in here, sweetheart. Get lost, Pavarotti. Nooo

So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please. Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip!

You call yourself a robot? I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve.

Professor Ogden Wernstrom. Wernstrom.

That won't be for hundreds of years. Exactly. It's none of our concern. That's the 20th- century spirit. We'll meet again

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers?

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already? No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it.

You die. Or as you put it... (RASPS)

Friends, I've come to free you from your complicated lives-- free you from the "complicated" part, I mean, not the "lives" part. Oh, Lord, he's made of wood. What now, Bender? I got a downgrade. I'm a steam-powered wooden robot...

That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead. Oh, yeah. (ENGINE STARTING)

(BURPING NOISE) That's Bender's ringtone. I recognize the smell. Hello? Yo, Amy,

Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world It's a beautiful world For you

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think!

Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

And it's got quotation marks around it. Hmm... There's nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal. (WHEEZING) (GROANING) Heart attack. (GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine.

Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I...

Bah, big shots. I say let the dice do the talking.

FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener. (ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING)

You can do it. Can't...

You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again. would you help us get Bender back for old times' sake?

Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching!

No. It's a fire monster from outer space, and I'm heroically saving the world by trapping him here. So it was you. You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

Mmm. What started out as a pleasant afternoon of drugs and surgery has not gone as planned. But don't worry, we still have three or four co-workers with plenty of spare parts.

That-a-girl! If they don't take him back, we can keep him as captain. Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it.

Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation.

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

What do you mean? You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

Ah, yeah, that calms the shakes. Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

No wonder my urine smells like a meal.

(CHEERING) Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out.

Fry! But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth.

Aw, don't cry, foreign people. I used to work in a pizzeria, and as soon as I stop hallucinating and blasting puke, I'm gonna teach you to sell pizza, Earth-style. Oh, thank you, magic biped! Mm-mm-mm! You save us-a, sir.

We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir. Very well. You will provide us with 198 billion humans and, uh, small fries. Lurr! Oh, all right, cottage cheese.

Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

I'm sorry, my accent's atrocious. - Hi. My name's Umbriel. - I'm Fry.

Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet. I'm okay, then. Storm dying down. Leo, check if buggalo herd is okay.

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion. Well, good night. HERMES: Everyone got along so well today. Yes, this place is like a neutered utopia. A neutopia. (LAUGHING)

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve. Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

(BOTH SNORING) (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS)

Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it.

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

So, how did the universe begin? Then the meaning of existence-- So every religion is wrong!

Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord.

The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news.

I'll call and tell you about it.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. You're under arrest for crimes against science.

Is any of this getting through to you? I give up. You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you. Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again.

I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left.

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me. Edna?

Hermes, who were you yelling at? Meself. I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans. Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date?

Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence, those stupid birds will do just fine.

Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier,

Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter. Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Hey, hey. What's wrong? Was it something Leela said? We come-a to Earth to start new life, raise fat, spoiled Earth kids, hang many underwear from Earth clothesline, live Earthican dream.

is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars. Geez. I've seen lines move faster in the sperm bank. That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man!

Fry, this isn't TV, it's real life.

And, here we are. The end of the universe. Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

You don't understand. He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him. Impossible. If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page.

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five? Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps. Exalted leaders, the Earth messengers have arrived... bearing a peace offering from their weak and fearful government.

Thank you. Thank you so much. You know, through all my ups and downs, I always thought the most important thing in life was to win an Oscar, but tonight I realize what's really important is to win two Oscars! Ha! Ha! I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna?

Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom.

Enough with the persecution, I'm saying. Zoidberg, as ambassador, I promise you the full support of our government already. Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa? Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled.

Now, what seems to be the trouble? My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus.

Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah! Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is.

Whew! Whew! Hi there.

I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans. Dr. Banjo? In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth.

(HUMMING) ALL: Ow! Ta-da! Friends, I'd like you to meet my new lady. Marianne.

Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle. So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star.

destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays... but not be destroyed by them-- Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy.

Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

My friend's ample tuchus is barely out the door, and you're already schmoozing up to his replacement? Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy.

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time,

Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace. Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons. I'll test it out on that innocent bystander. Ow! Yo, you just shot yourself again! It's a trick! Get 'em! (ALL GRUNTING) (EXCLAIMING)

Hey! Keep it down, you kids! I'm tryin' to take a nap!

Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up.

So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone. Classic move. Aw, yeah.

What is it, Dr. Tenderman? Is it serious? I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack! Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons.

(ALL YAWNING) Hey, looky here.

I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six?

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though. W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

If this will save you, then please, turn me into a virus milkshake. He consented! You all heard it!

Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails, so I didn't look. That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did. Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here.

So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself. And it's the same railroad camp. I mean, the irony is palpable. Oops! Whoopsie!

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp. By which I mean your shredded remains. Of course. Why didn't I think of that?

Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What? They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots.

Stupid dumb coma. Coulda been British.

Here's to another lousy millennium.

It's extremely delicate, so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it!

Okay. Let me just take the ship out to a safe distance.

One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep.

I'm networking. Let me give you my card.

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back!

None of your business.

I don't want any screwups. Use the hover dolly and just deliver one pillow at a time. Hey, here's an idea-- Let's deliver all the pillows at once.

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long! Ow! Ooh! Eee!

Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Can't beat fresh-squeezed.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine. Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat.

Or I did, until Mom cured me of my awful disease using genetic engineering. That's why she had me hooked up in her lab. Oh! Well, congratulations. You look great. But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy, that doesn't make it right.

(ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why!

That's my little sugar doodle.

Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot. Joey Clamps, Donnie B. Hey, listen, Bender, we got a big score planned but, uh, we need some muscle. A little of this, huh? Ho-ho-ho! This guy's an ox. He's got oxen-like strength. Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps."

Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell. Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him. You're under arrest for felony violation of the MomCorp license agreement.

Which of the following would you most prefer: A, a puppy B, a pretty flower from your sweetie or C, a large properly formatted data file? Choose! Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?

Don-bot, I beg you.

Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No! Fry, having guessed what animal I was thinking of you shall have first choice of weapon. Uh-huh... Ah!

(GRUNTS) Incredible! Who could have done this, the sewer mutants?

Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING)

I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man. (BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse! Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

Good work, Glermo. You have pleased your queen.

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way! I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I...

Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout. Hideout? Bender, are you becoming some kind of supervillain?

Oh! (SNIFFLES) (MUNCHING)

I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.

Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry! Look, what do you want? I want my hands back

Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on!

Wow, I'm finally going to see my favorite chef TV's Elzar! Ah, this is the greatest nanosecond of my life. No, this one is. No, this one. Wait... that one was slightly worse. Ah, so far so good on this one.

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder!

Don't shut that door, partner. I'm a crazy Texas robot millionaire, and I plan on losing billions in your "casiny." Can you assure me my losings will be safe in this here money closet? Yes. Please step aside.

Okay. God bless Grandma and Grandpa... They're next! Right now, I'm gonna cut your damn head off! (GAGGING) (GRUNTING) Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela?

Uh, wait... old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap.

(ALL GASP) He's alive!

Ow! (GRUNTING) That was not worth $3,000.

Ah. Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing?

Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes!

Check it out, y'all. Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts. Wait. We'll start with this one from Bender.

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) We're not from around here. Hello.

It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you. Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh.

My love! You made it! You overcame salmon instinct and left your home stream for me!

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

Now, let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.

That stupid clover is a worthless piece of garbage! Give it, give it, give it! Mom! Help! Yes! Yancy's trying to steal my clover. Yancy, stealing is wrong. I'm gonna pile-drive you! Stop it! Aaah!

Keep going. We're almost outside! Zoidberg, try to just burp up singles. FRY: Blind Joe!

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway?

But this one had a live raccoon inside. Pretty good story, hey, Hermes? Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle! It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved... when a manbot and a fembot realized they loved each other. Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here.

Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

(SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Since when do you care or even know about foxhunting? Foxhunting is an ancient and noble pursuit that's fascinated me ever since I first heard of it 10 minutes ago. Noble pursuit? What's noble about killing a defenseless animal? Don't be naive, Leela. We kill defenseless animals all the time.

Dad! We screwed up! You did? Tough luck, suckers! Please. Help us, Pops. We agreed to deliver way more papers than we could handle.

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant. You know what your problem is?

Leonardo, stop! (ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them,

It's my first time. I'm really nervous. Robot House!

(ALL CHEERING) You did it! Congratulations, Bender, you've ended robot animal cruelty within a 20-yard radius of this building.

You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened?

Enough. You all failed miserably. It's time to put a real scientist in charge. Wernstrom! The very same. Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students--

Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my fund and kicks-in' my back. I'm greasin' up my whoozits. Whoa, whoa, Clamps. Not yet. Let's just keep an eye on him and see if he does it a couple more times.

Hey, I was nuzzling that. COMPUTER: Attributes transferred. Shoe size 12. Et cetera. Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry!

Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image. And in the end, that's all I really have. That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter.

Hey, All My Circuits. Move over. Ah! Fry, sometimes in close quarters people do inconsiderate things without realizing it.

Um, it's free. Get me the president.

What shall I do with your jergens, sir? Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows. Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service. That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me. Ew.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

It's a plant-based supplement that bulks up your flapping muscles. Want to try it? You know you want to.

Sandstorm! - We're in the eye of the storm! - Where? What's that?

Ow! Ooh! Ow! People, I won't let you enter. Popplers are as intelligent as you or me.

He sure has a lot of blood for a skinny guy. And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

What do you want? I'm 150 years old. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Aren't you going to watch over your young? Tortoises don't do that, do we? I sure as hell don't.

No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing. Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line! Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right!

Hello, dirt. I'll start at "N" for nude pictures. Aw, Nobel Prize? That's no good. How about "A" for adultery?

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me... to ask how you got that stylish head wound.

Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair! If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business. Anyway, the time came for our first delivery.

(ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy!

As you can see, since Bender's death, requests to bite one's shiny metal ass are down 98%. (VACUUM CLEANER HUMMING LOUDLY) Do you mind doing that later? Bite my shiny metal ass.

News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing.

I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. My God! I can't believe I'll never see that particular Fry again.

Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No!

Stop! We'll leave.

Ignoring all danger, I charged inside to liberate our provisions. So, this is the trail mix Fry gave me! Yes. I exaggerated when I said I picked it from the treetops. I just wanted you to think a little better of me. Well, your motives were good.

Who the hell are you? No one. And watch your language, young lady!

You know Zapp Brannigan? Let's just say we've crossed paths. Was that before or after you slept with him?

It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me.

Wonderful! Then I'm sure you won't mind being their legal guardians for a month. Well, well. If it isn't my old friends-- Stretch Pants, No Pants, and... Idiot. We're making beer. I'm the brewery. I heard alcohol makes you stupid.

I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend.

- (CHANGES CHANNEL) - (SIGHS) Lrrr. Either help the boy, or go outside and degauss the lawn! Oh, very well. Merit badges. This brings me back. Oh! Bone whittling. I used to love that.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

and bravely smothered him with his wig.

How could this not be hurting you? I once killed a sea turtle with these boots. Hold me. (SCREAMING)

Where you been all afternoon? At a-a-- a concert. Ooh, was it jazz noodling? My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off.

Wow. Now, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah!

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant. That's okay. At least Kif's baby shower should be fun. I better put it on my calendar. Thursday, baby shower-- enter. Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on.

Hooray for me! Hooray for Zoidberg!

Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

FRY: Wait a second. Power? Liquid coolant? That gives me the option of electrocution or drowning. Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

Ugh! Gag unto me with a spoon. Malachi? it's high time I laid down a few commandments. You got a chisel? Take this down. Number one--

He may have ocean madness but that's no excuse for ocean rudeness.

(YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal! It's gonna kill us all. It's so huge. How big does one of those things get?

so they ate the books. Just make something up. Make something up? Um. Okay. Once upon a time, there was a, uh...

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile. Whatever. Wait, our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat.

Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

All right, let's set it up and try again. There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head?

Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could. Oh, it appears to be a case of African Hydraulic Fever. Dear God! The very illness my TV character caught in season two... when I was holding out for more money. It's often fatal.

Counsel, you may address the court on behalf of Earth, if you're ready. I was hatched ready. Honorable judge Heads,

That's cute. Sold! Yes! I just don't get it. Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere.

Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest, laziest, most awful, dimwitted idea in the entire history of science fiction, but it turned out to be true. Who knew?

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums. MAN: Just the two of us We can make it if we try Just the two of us Uh... What about...

Now, look here, Bender, I respect your diversity to the extent the law requires but you used up all your days off when you had that bout with roberculosis.

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

Oh, wait. Chlorine.

Due to the overwhelming nature of the evidence, we will begin with closing statements. Your Honor, the state's case contains not one Kentucky kernel of truth,

(SNORING) (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry. (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping!

Good news, everyone.

The professie will help. Fire indeed hot! Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired.

Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last. That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes.

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here! Why, if it isn't my favorite head on Amy's body: Fry. Ah! Leela!

Bend it, Daddy! Bend it like it called you poo-poo-face!

(CLEARS THROAT) You so ugly, when trick-or-treaters come to your house, they give you candy.

Hmm, I'm not sure we want to pay for a dimension we're not going to use. Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee! Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6. Buh. It's a sunny little doomed planet inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals.

Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice!

I'm just kidding. That never happens. Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat.

you got the power to turn on the light

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS) Sign here. Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy of Delivery Sciences, my lovely robot, Bender, and most of all, my dear nephew, Professor Farnsworth.

Come on. Come on!

Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch. Here comes the head.

Fry, quiet. Oktoberfest is a classy celebration of how far humans have evolved.

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

but not be destroyed by them-- Earth. So all over the world, couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day.

He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old. Step aside, lady! Like everything else in life, pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa! Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder!

We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off! Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio... pays off for the hungry investor! Oh, I'm ruined!

You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe! Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist,

Where's Leela? Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick.

Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend. She just lived next door and never closed her curtains. Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing. You just used up today's bathroom break.

I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new club record, I'll eat my hat.

Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake! You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up. Really? How long was I out? Two weeks. Fry never left your side for a minute. And he talked nonstop. Like a parrot of the sea, he was.

Can't beat fresh-squeezed. Bender, can you at least pretend you're being punished? And clean the black parts too. Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful.

That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela? What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry.

Everywhere it went.

I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked. Of course.

What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

Stupid... Blender, you're the only one who's sober. You got to do something! Haven't I done enough already? Please, stop the monster. Just do that one thing!

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers. Do yourselves a favor and crawl back into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches, or get your ugly face punched to custard by... the New Justice Team!

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular. Ow!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive. (WHIMPERING) Aw! You want your dipey changed? We'll have to watch its every move. Powder, please.

Yeahs. You knows, guyses, galses, in that order. Ows! I am not familiar with this concept of gender.

Three big bags of trash! Attention, please. The takeover of PlanEx Corp by Mom's Delivery Company... will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) According to my calculations, there are 11 generations at the moment.

So he's, like, legally dead now. Want to get married and whatever?

No, I'm just very old.

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING)

Okay, everybody switch demons.

The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg? Yippee-ki-yay! You'll never guess where I've been!

What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile.

Let's go already

This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell here at ringside with George Foreman. George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier. M-My memory's not what it used to be,

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain.

I'm afraid these suction cups are merely the first phase of a process called "squidification." (ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time.

Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K Peace out. (CHEERING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen.

Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo. Whoo!

What the hell kind of plane is that?

Hmm... mm... no.

Ohh! Yack! Aw! Lordy! Fry! Whew! Fry!

Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now. Hey, here's a giggle.

And now, at last, neither do I! Maybe we can figure it out. We? (LAUGHS) Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts.

Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants!

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to.

Then it's settled. Another blockbuster Hollywood deal. What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order.

Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em. I love her that much. What did you get her, you mushy gizmo? Oh, precious things. I found the most adorable little figurine of mice having tea.

What did you say?

I don't have much experience at fighting, except with you guys. I have an idea. Wasn't there an episode where I threw my shoe at the enemy? You mean Doohan? Whoever it was, I did it like this. Yaah! Ow! My foot's cold.

- Yeah! - All right! - I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Who's going to use a delivery service with a kicked sign? Nobody, that's who!

Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer. What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy."

Bender's in his office. Thanks. I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance.

No, that won't restore everyone, either.

That's coming out of your pay.

According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy.

just hang on. I'll take care of that fire. Bender, you risked your life to save me. And I'd do it again.

Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty! Bailiffs, get that innocent robot out of my courtroom. Guilty!

Ah, the Xmas season.

Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

- Hi, Lars. - Fry.

Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty,

No, I don't have my own limo. You better send one. I need a rain check on that 'nad swap, Professor. I'm going on TV. Come on, Fry. Help me pick out a pantsuit.

Bender, quick! Waggle something! Uh-- Leela, let's turn back. There's absolutely no shame in wussing out.

I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

Wrong again. You were right. Leela? Leela-Leela? Leela-Leela. I've been thinking, Fry. If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it, either. I'd probably build a copy of you, too. As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will...

Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS) You'll get your alimony check, Cubert. Now get lost!

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make. At least we've got food. Dr. Zoidberg, cut open that bag. Hooray!

How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay?

Yeah. This is mine, all right.

There's one thing I don't understand, Zoidberg. How did you persuade Mom to give you her precious Yeti head? Did you have to promise anything in return?

You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

Yep. Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai! Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it!

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime. Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad?

What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here.

Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born. So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows! Experts are unsure whether salmon navigate by memory,

I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh!

I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy?

Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices.

i'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning like A whiRlpool, it never ends... A little lower.

All for one and one for all.

Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow! But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already!

Sorry, Fry. I already got a double date with arm and hammer. Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

Hey, I need that to smoke! Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen!

I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more! And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue? The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action.

What about my service?

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee!

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins.

So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to. Look, are you going to rescue us or not? Can't you ask a little more sexfully?

FEMALE VOICE: Driver distraction detected. Bender, Bender, Bender (MUFFLED SPEECH)

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?

Bort. Will the Berry Burglar never learn? Probably not, but we did. We learned that no matter whether we're purple or orange... Or new polkaberry. (HONKING) Good nutrition is just a bowl away.

He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise. And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan. Let's get the hell out of here.

You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun... has enough energy to ensure its total destruction. I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

We have to get to that pile of dead bears by 7:38. A pile of dead bears can only mean one thing. But what? It's the 7:38! Jump!

Fry, you'll have to dress up like a 160-year-old man. I'm on it. My God! The illusion is so perfect. I almost forgot I was looking at an idiot. Now, they may ask for a DNA sample. I'd like to see them find it. This plan is impossible.

I get a good vibe from this place--

I don't even want to... why is...

A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man!

A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

Have a good one!

Well, that was dumb. (ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk.

Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies.

Francis? Francis, I have good news! It's time for your first delivery. To the Moon! Fan-(BLEEP)-ing-tastic!

I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well. This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man.

Oh! What a weird dream.

Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change? That's the one thing we'll never truly understand.

Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body. Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road.

We've got the rest of our lives to work this-- Divorce is final. What?

I knew this final invention would be a humdinger. Yes. We three idiots will finally have our revenge! I don't think so. You two make me ashamed to call myself an idiot.

I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo!

Fat, but great. I thought you were in Oregon. My mom tried to commit suicide in me. I don't want to talk about it. Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder.

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs.

Ha! Time for the drum solo. Run!

Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime. Would you do it for a Bender snack?

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

He wears sandals.

Yeah, I'll have a coffee.

Sacred weed you say?

Hold on there, chief. Regular old pork ain't gonna win this thing. You gotta get innovative with your meat. See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst.

And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat. You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot Rite my riny retal rass!

Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun. Oh, i'll shoot her with my ray-gun Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world

fry, throw in the towel.

Shove it. We quit!

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir.

You know, the dyno-matic food-service robot. Let's go already!

Shh. Be very quiet.

Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you. Mom! Dad! What are you doing here? This is so humiliating. Now, these monkeys I like.

Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I?

Uh... Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela...

(LAUGHS) Can you believe 50,000 idiots swallow that crap? Send. Oops.

These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department! Bite my shiny metal ax! (CROWD CHEERING) And you, give me back my medal.

One day you will evolve beyond your physical body and on that day I hope you will pick up the phone. You're impossible. It's just as well. I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater.

I understand the problems of age, but suppose I could put you in a new body? Never! My body may be old, but it is mine, and every crack a memory of heavy things shot a long way. Good day!

the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender?

You may feel small pain.

a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat. Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces. Something wonderful. Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes.

You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself. Now, come on! If we don't save those monks, no one will!

This is wrong. We shouldn't have abandoned them there. I don't know. I'm feelin' pretty good about it. I didn't want to leave them either, Fry. But what were we supposed to do? Well, usually on the show, someone would come up with a complicated plan, then explain it with a simple analogy.

I'm 40% potato, but close enough.

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh.

You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right?

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive.

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner. I'll always remember this, Bender.

You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement. Maybe get a temp job. Whoa, whoa. One step at a time.

What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to.

Well, now what? You guys want to talk? No, thanks.

Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS) (BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic! Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn!

Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy!

It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy.

Wait, I know the answer to this one. Yes. Look, we're all agreed humans are idiots. But these idiots are our friends. Friends, eh? Perhaps you wouldn't be so worried about them if you knew what they really thought of you. It's so great being away from everyone. Zoidberg and his awful stench. Stanky.

I changed my mind! Aaah!

I found him! (SCREAMING) With my Oxo Good Grips Cheese Knife, I stab at thee. You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh!

(MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone. We have a delivery to an alien space giant. You'll have to be respectful. This customer is 50-feet tall and sensitive about his appearance. Colossal tooth whitener, mega deodorant,

(PANTING) (GRUNTS)

The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on earth.

We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked. Ironic, because our engines work, but our life support systems don't. - Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work-- Stop! You're just goin' around in circles! Think, Fry. Think. Everyone's depending on you.

(ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team. You what? Right now? But I need a little romance first. Maybe a vanilla candle or something? Commence intercourse!

But do we really want our kids exposed to that kind of trash on TV? I say, absolutely not! Hoo! Uh, on the other hand,

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir! Come, Bender. You'll like being dead.

Thank you. It was cold on the floor.

And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar! Yay! All right! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Whoo!

Hmm. Perhaps men are not as evil as Femputer thinks. But they make fun women's basketball. What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die!

We're whalers on the-- Yee-ha! Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater. No, not yet. How about we go look for the original Moon landing site? That's crazy. It's been lost for centuries. Well, I'm feeling lucky.

Don't feel bad, son. We couldn't be more proud of you. Unless, of course, you had won the award. Man, you're so lucky to have your family here. The stupid professor didn't even show up for me. I'd just like to thank my awesome parents. We love you, Johnny!

The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him. Pleased to meet you. Actually, we've met once before. What?

Leela, we got lucky this time.

but not be destroyed by them-- Earth.

But when you worry, you make it double. Don't worRy, be happy The landLord say your rent is late you May have to litigate But don't worry - be - happy

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun. (CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song! Care to join me?

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take. This whole place is finely tuned machine for separating suckers from their money. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving. (BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

Leela, will you marry me? No. No. Yes, I will! Oh!

I'm afraid he's lost in the master in-pile. And it would take some sort of giant mechanical atomic-powered sorting machine to find him. You rang?

Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme, but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note! Fry, you scoundrel!

What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy.

Sell 100 soylent beans! Buy 3,000 corn bellies! Two hundred cans Whoop-Ass! Three big bags of trash! Attention, please. The takeover of PlanEx Corp by Mom's Delivery Company... will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right. Which one of you cutie muffins gets the children's spicy squab? Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy!

I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman.

Good news, everyone. The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges.

You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down. Merry Xmas, everyone.

Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots. And that sandwich you're eating is made from old discarded sandwiches.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way! I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation.

(ALL SCREAMING)

WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete. Now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie.

"Death by airlock failure." Mm-hmm. - "Death by brain parasite." - Yah. "Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that.

Stamp it, file it oh, yeah send it overnight Can I collate that? No! Can I shred these contracts?

If anyone wants to tell me what's going on here, I'll be in the lounge.

Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know. Hey, guys. Oh, uh, hey, Fry.

Well-- Hey, brainey! Think fast! I always think fast.

Whoa! Hey! What's the catch? She looks normal.

She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick. You take that back! She does not look good for a truck-stop chick! Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know.

Congratulations, Mr. President. It's all thanks to you, Leela. You stood by me and exposed my private medical records, even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks. Now, get up to that podium and change the world. Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender. You must be pretty glorked off. Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate.

Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer." Oh, a man can dream, though.

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites.

(MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright! Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot! (SOBBING)

(STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING) It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school,

Oh! Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh!

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

There'll never be another like him. Let's hire someone better.

That's pretty much it. LINDA: Riveting stuff, Sportsbot.

Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man. Mm.

- (ALL GASP) - I figured it out! (ALL SCREAMING) (ALL JEERING)

Uh, gotta go. Fight club. What's happening, Hubie? I'm afraid the face you fell in love with... was actually just a blob of living gunk I bought with my tax refund.

I'd grab his ugly little neck and... (GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me.

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused.

I prefer the term "love machine."

Amy, mission profile. Interesting. Interesting. Dr. Zoidberg, mission bag? Packed and ready, sir. What's this? This is the same toy surprise I got last time. I can't work under these conditions. And without me, there is no mission.

Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy.

No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy! Phaser eye surgery is a capital idea. I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time.

I used to find edible mushrooms on my bath mat. I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No.

Zapp Brannigan you stand accused of blowing up DOOP headquarters. How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty. Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor...

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet? Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?

I'm not a robot. All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall.

Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these. Robot Crouching Tiger. Robot Crane style.

Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious.

Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

Divorce is final. What? Well, let's divide up the china. I guess I'll take the NFC helmets and you can have the AFC helmets. Fine. Break my heart again. Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry.

Slurm: it's highly addictive.

Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses.

Oh! I'm okay. Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever. So? Did you ever stop to think that Fry is better off with worms?

Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature. I know now what my primary function is. I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy!

She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely.

The law is clear. Fry and Zoidberg shall fight to the death for the claw of the beautiful Edna! But I don't want her! Once invoked, the sacred tradition of Claw Plock cannot be taken back.

Fine, knock yourself out.

What's that? Is someone bending girders? Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that?

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Okay, I'll do it... if I can make it about Leela. Me? Really?

You better try to jump it, Bender. Okay, let me back up for a running start.

(PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING) Hurry! We still have to rescue Fry and Leela! Even if my stupid marmoset pajamas offend Leela's big fat eye. After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back!

Stop! Stop eating Popplers. Why? My booze! Popplers are intelligent. This one called me "Mama." Congratulations.

Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject. Cool. An alien. Has your race taken over the earth?

Sir, remember your course correction? No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend,

I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. One pie, nothing good on it. Name? I.C. Wiener. Uh, talk a little louder.

Well, time for this robot to get back to work. Ah...

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you!

Well, I guess it is kind of funny. (LAUGHS) Oh-oh.

A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago.

He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on.

Melllvar! Dinnertime! Aw, but, Mom! I'm playin' with my collectibles! Now!

It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe? You know I didn't.

Hey, Three Ears! I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her. Her? But there's plenty of normal ones. Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point.

(PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS)

Much rather. What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic.

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN) You're late, Miss Wong. Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat.

People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda. Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed!

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady.

I would sooner die, I would. - Father! The ledge! - Oy!

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this.

Ah, close enough. Come on in. Thanks. Here's your finger back. All the coolest robots are in this fraternity. Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again.

Are you familiar with... audio tape? Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start. Welcome to the future, human slave.

(CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it. Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy.

that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past, including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three.

You'll have to get a new one.

(MOOING) (BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

(SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right. We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever. Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING)

Get out of my house, you commie.

Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes? All right, but I wanna lick the beaters. I got her champagne. I opened it. What does a guy have to do?

you're supposed to prance out and tickle him with your fairy wand. Instead, I want you to prance out and kick his head off. Got it. Large kickle, hold the tickle. Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor. Here, Professor, I got you a program.

This is less fun than previously indicated.

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch. Handlin' raw chicken? Best part of the job. Mmm! Finger-lickin' good. That's it! This place is too dangerous. We gotta get you out of here. Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge.

Yeah, if you're an idiot. Three, two, one. All systems go. Blast off! See you at din-din.

Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning? Would it? Would it? Would it? Fine, knock yourself out.

No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING)

Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob? We don't even know anyone with cool stuff. Duh! We know someone who runs on pure cool fuel. Bender! Whoa! We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama,

I say, Robot House. Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves. Good one, Chet. Oh, yeah? Watch this!

Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over.

- You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following.

Our experiments would be illegal on Earth, but up here, I'm above the law. (GUFFAWS) Nice pun, Mother. It's not a pun. It's a play on words! Come on, I'll show you the lab.

All right, we don't have much time to collect these animals. The planet is supposed to collapse in approximately... two hours ago. Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

Ew! My God! The frenzy!

Professor Katz's last name is Katz. Do you think he has something to do with these cats?

Friends! Friends! I've got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over. Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy?

I keep telling you that's my real naval uniform. (BOTH MOAN) Your place or mine? Both. But first, this place. (CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY) (STUTTERING) Ooh! Room for one more? (LAUGHING SAUCILY)

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people.

I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day.

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here? The tide is coming in. Quiet. The beast approaches.

He's so proud of his awful cooking. If we don't eat it, he'll be crushed. All right. Don't panic. If we can get to the ship, we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup?

Who's the newest justice team The New Justice Team Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday

Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH) Ah! (GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

They killed my parents! Close. - They are my parents. - Yes.

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast!

Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way.

I'm gonna get my puppy back! In your face, Grim Reaper! Crappy, ineffective Reaper.

(ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield. Get plenty of that powder. I want this bomb to sparkle like the floor at Grand Central Station.

Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right...

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

Continuing my confession, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than creating the bestest show in the world? I didn't create anything. I stole it. Stealing is a form of creativity. No, it isn't. Guys, come on out.

Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there!

Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance.

Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu.

- Of course, there's a catch. - Woo-hoo! Yay! Yay! So what's the catch?

Set up my shack so I can kick you out of it! (YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source?

Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

Big piles of what I assume is talcum powder. It's quite a birthday party, Calculon. Cool. I'm gonna have a fabulacious birthday party just like Calculon! Oh, yeah. Well, I'm gonna show up looking good, just like Monique. Do you two have to imitate everything you see on TV? Um, we're 12, so, yes.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it! Only the professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up. Try shocking him.

and I won't work For nobody but You yeah, baby I'm just A love machine A Huggin, kissin' fiend

This is a mutiny! You're out of here, lady. Zapp's the new captain. All hail the new captain.

Oh, God, it's true!

or the Philip J. Fry from Hovering Squid World 97-A? Earth, you fat idiot! Hurry up! Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender. This war is in danger of going all quagmire on me. So, I'm sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace. You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls.

(SHRIEKING) A giant sausage! (ALL GASPING) Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage! Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon?

- Enos! - He's dead! Sorry!

Okay, I'm a freak with a singing butt boil, but I'm still a human being, more or less. Singing butts boil? That's yesterdays's news. Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway.

Come on, Bender. You can do it. Can't... I can't do it. Yes!

I get a new body, and you get to be a translucent chump till the end of time. Big deal. I saved my friend. As far as I'm concerned, I won. Oh, really?

Go back to the castle, Sandy.

A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good. Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again. Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin,

Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no.

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil. Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh. What does this have to do with the anchovies? I'm getting to the freaking anchovies.

Honey, if you're marrying Bender, you might want to get a black dress for the wedding. That's going to look hot.

Let's see what tools we'll need. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

That's a full-time job. And, Fry, as for you I am promoting you to executive delivery boy. You will no longer go on deliveries and you will have your own office next to mine. All right!

What if I distract them with my famous fan dance? Oh, that's good, good, good, good. And then, George, you give them a karate chop. I find that offensive. just because I'm of Japanese ancestry, you assume I know karate.

Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants.

Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of.

And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out.

just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend. Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

Lovely. Just lovely. New topic. Can I have your autograph,

You're so young in spirit. It's hard to believe you're as old as 25. The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed. Son, I'm the commissioner of ultimate robot fighting. I'm a connoisseur of jerks who pick fights in movie theaters and you're the biggest I've ever seen. You should see me at funerals.

Ah, pooh! We're even younger! Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute! What? I'm gonna revert...

You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed. When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him.

Anyway, the time came for our first delivery. (SOBBING) Lando, don't forget about me and Junior. I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself.

Uh, hello, Mrs. Mellonger. Hello, Philip. And you must be Mr. Bender. Philip's told me so much about you. Is it true that you're a robot? I prefer the term "love machine."

and Captain Lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics.

was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me! The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil... in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery. That's my clover! Yancy stole it!

Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Look, associates, I made a hammock from our clothing. How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion. Well, good night.

Ah, my home away from home. By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

- and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

No! What will I mix with my scotch? (SLURRING) Hey, you! Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk.

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

Set motherhood mode.

Hey, are you tryin' to make me look bad? Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

Animals? That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds.

Certainly not us. No, sir. Certainly yes us. Uh-huh, sir.

(ALL GROANING) What's all this cat hair on my sweater? Why am I full of sand? And Tootsie Rolls? You were all under the spell of those obnoxious space cats! Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun,

(SCREAMING) (MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724.

Hello? Is anyone there? I love you. Oh. Why must I be such a coward?

There! This will teach those filthy bastards who's lovable.

And I feel like a-lovin' you Love, you're such a sweet thing Good enough to eat thing And that's just a-what I'm gonna do Ooh, love to hold you Ooh, love to kiss you Ooh, love, I love it so

Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

It says here the babies lose their Pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey? Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh. Bender! Are you looking at other women? No, baby. Never. Bender, don't lie!

That lucky bastard. I say kill it! But it loves me, and I love it! Kill them both! Killing them seems like a hassle. Can't we just set it free to live with its own kind? Poor, ignorant Leela. The bone vampire is now extinct on its home planet. (GASPS) That's perfect.

Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Stop! Thanks, Bender. Don't do it, Leela! They killed my parents! Close.

That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

And so, with two weeks left in the campaign, the question on everyone's mind is who will be the next president of Earth-- Jack johnson, or bitter rival john jackson? Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo?

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings.

I'm 40% back, baby!

Listen, Fry, I think I can get us out of this if you're willing to let me help you. Thanks, Leela. From now on, I'll take all the help you're willing to give. I know you just want what's best for me. Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt!

- Bender, are you okay? - I don't know. I'll try to move my feet.

We did it, Fry! Fry? You gave me your oxygen? Oh, no! Breathe, Fry! Breathe!

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said. Would you mind? Sure thing, pal.

Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Oh, woN't you take me to funkytown won't you take me to Funkytown - Thank you. Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night. Well, um-- Heh. The, um--

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams.

You can't arrest me for future murder after it's right now murder! My kajigger! (BIRDS SQUAWKING)

A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes.

Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am.

There it is, the edge of the universe.

BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron! (SCREECHES) Defeat is ours.

That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

Did you say extra-crispy recipe? You know I didn't. Your Honor, if we could locate Bender Rodriguez, he would testify that my clients acted without malice. No, he wouldn't. Bender doesn't care about us anymore.

It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000.

Here I comes to save the days. This is how you treat me? After all the good news I've given you over the years? Well, if you don't want Bessie, you don't want me. Goodbye!

We're too heavy! You guys need to lose some weight. Fast! Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early.

Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"?

- Remember that song, "Safety Dance"? - Sure do. We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun--

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad?

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam.

I asked meself for Valentine's Day off but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans. Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we--

Unit 47! My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed!

Daddy! Don't let her take me! Get your lack of hands off my boy! You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child! Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still less unfitter than you. Says who?

And voila! Everybody's ice fishing.

What's with the eye?

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock.

- You speak English? - I do now. Whoa-whoa, whoa! Oh. What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum.

Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody.

We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me...

Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing. Hey, big lobster

Oh, my. Look, flowers, and a boat. Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas.

I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say. Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Ah. If only they appreciated freedom... this much on my home planet. Wait a second! They do! Because this is my home planet!

Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there. OW-OW-OW!

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me. Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas.

Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen." Sir! Yes, ma'am! (CAR STARTING) (TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great.

Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor. Whoo! That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

It's not-not a smart bet.

The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G." Name? Cosmic Y. Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves? The space walk. Hey! The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine!

The doctor says you are making great strides with your exploding problem. Well, the way I see it-- You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot.

I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales.

Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

I can rule the universe! Give me my body back, you two-bit thief! Now, look here, you drugged-out communist, I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it!

Wheels fell off my house.

Here. I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks.

bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah! Yeah!

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me!

But... there'll be other parties for you. Now go. Go. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms.

That's all. Senator Travers? Look, let's be honest here. No one likes taxes, but they pay for our basic needs. Roads, schools, defense. If we hope to realize our aspirations as a great planet, we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals.

A, B, C, D... Get out of my office!

He's in a better place now.

Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera.

Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif? Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way. Or even from a toilet seat-- though that's impossible, since I have a private washroom. Ah, my home away from home.

Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal. It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops. This is where I brought my girlfriend on our very first date.

(ALL GASPING) Pops. Sweet reawakenin' of me, a Jamaican-in. Hermes, you're alive. And practically rhyming.

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs.

(MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time! I got a donor nose! There was an accident at the fencing academy. Touche.

If you can't see well enough through the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up on this video screen. Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera.

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent?

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening? You are now dead.

Eh. I think I'll just stay here. Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world. Everyone's too polite to say anything but you're covered with bedsores. Not covered. just get in the car.

(LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY)

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years. The real Lucy Liu, the one you can see a movie of in the popcorn stadium. So what's your problem?

FARNSWORTH: We can still save Earth. People are sure to clean up their act when presented with cold, hard facts by rational folks like us. The end is near! Repent thy sins!

It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement. Neither did I... Oh. (GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa.

Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

No doubt about it, this place is haunted.

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead.

(SIGHS) (GRUNTS) Just stay out of my way, boy. (GAS HISSING) There. Who needs teamwork when you got Bender?

Uh! I can't believe how fat I look! Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the--

Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness. Professor Ogden Wernstrom. Wernstrom. KATZ: Downtown Professor of Applied Physics, Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate. I see by your curriculum vitae that you're a Sagittarius. KATZ: And Professor Fisherprice Shpeekenshpell.

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry!

All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force. Let us handle this, weirdie.

(CLUCKING) This is what I'm talking about. See all the dirt and earwigs? That's the sign of healthy food.

First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear? Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7... Yoo-hoo.

Listen, Mom... (DOORBELL RINGS) Hello. We're friends of Philip J. Fry. Oh, my God, is that a Cap'n Crunch casserole?

Uh, on the other hand, most, perhaps all, of the blame, rests with the parents. That's right! You! And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV,

This is surreal. Whatever we want is ours for the taking.

It's explosive. Maybe we could escape by setting fire to the distillery... and blowing this whole place to rubble. Let's get a little kindling going. No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered.

My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself.

Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life.

Hmm, he seems pretty angry. Yeah, but I guess I'd be kind of angry, too if I had to go to some uninhabited planet.

How dare you murmur about Bender like that! He would never burn something down to get attention. For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp chestnutty smell? Absolutely. But not for fame, women or thrills. Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero.

Leela, what are you guys doing here in the year 4000? It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days. Uh, by the way, I broke your bed. You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening. But when they noticed that you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch.

These fancy clothes do.

What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

Sweet honeybee of infinity!

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth?

This show's been going downhill since season three. Look who's here, everyone. It's Zoidberg, the lovable tramp!

This snow is beautiful. I'm glad global warming never happened. Actually, it did, but thank God nuclear winter canceled it out. Hi. Enough of your mindless chitchat. Let's get going. Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded.

I guess so. Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass! My beautiful--

Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot. From now on, you guys'll do all the work while I sit on the couch and do nothing.

You know, this might actually work. The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another. True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating.

(BOTH GIGGLING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun.

Uh, Professor... off you go. Pleasant trip. Hey, Bender how's dinner coming? Almost ready.

We'll start with Andrew. (GASPS) Yeah, they all kind of broke. So, when do I start? Everyone, this is Francis. Hey, Francis. Hello, Francis. - Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa!

- Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something?

Who the sweaty hell is it?

Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second. Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wait. Allow me.

Leave me alone.

- Hey, Fry, could you go make some popcorn? - Okay. Let's go, microwave. I'm in a hurry here. Hmm?

Good night, sweet prince.

Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you. Their loss. I propose a competition. If I win, we get Calculon. If I lose, you kill us. Fine, whatever. For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of.

Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

I say we pay him a visit, and if he won't talk to us, he'll talk to Smith & Wesson (COCKS GUN) or, perhaps, Consolidated Head Melter.

BENDER: And so began the fight career of two skimpy outfits and the feisty women who filled them. ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly. But just when it looked like they'd never win...

I've got a date. She'll be along any minute. Fry! Look who I found. It's Petunia, your dream girl. How's them eats? Uh-- Don't mind if I do. Kids'll be hungry. She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house.

Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela?

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

Fry will be enthroned tomorrow at the setting of the three suns when we Trisolians enter our nocturnal phase. There won't be a lot of long-winded speeches will there? Only one. The absolutely flawless recitation from memory of the royal oath... by you. Will there be cake?

Can I? That's my specialty!

You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow! No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm.

I'll tell you what! Our boys have taken up stealing-- one of the worst and coolest of crimes! And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when--

But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah. Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy! Not what I meant, but don't perform it without my permission!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up? He been workin' on the railroad Ladies can't get enough I made a 3-D version of my worst nightmare

Press any key to continue.

Ah! (KETTLE WHISTLING) Wow. Hold him down while I prepare the antidote.

Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer. Oh, no, Poor Bender. I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho!

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

Who put this in here? No!

when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing. Unless you were already having been going to do that. Wha--

- (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true.

So thirsty... then he tastes it. He tastes it and tastes it, then tastes it some more. Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour.

You're just jealous. No, I'm not! Oh, wait! I am! But my point remains valid.

They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee. You going to be all right here by yourself? Sure. I'm having a great time.

My fellow Earthicans, I am honored and humbled to stand before you tonight as your next president. Together, we will... Hey, what's going on? What's happening? You see, since Nixon wasn't elected,

Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Can I pat you on the butt? Fry, I'm a professional athlete. So go ahead.

Wrong again, Zoidberg.

They're scared of our raw power. Oh, but if you want a job, I could beg everyone at the company where I work. Awesome. Awesome to the max!

Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

Shut up! We got to get out of here! (ROARING)

(DOORBELL RINGS) Nu? Is this the professor's cloning lab? Cloning is a sin against nature! But yes. Follow me to the professor's cloning room.

Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish. Don't tell me how to spend my money. 50, going once, twice-- $75,000. Oh, my God. It's Mom. I've never seen her in person before. $100,000.

Bender rules! I got you an official Bender hat. Wow! Thanks, Hermes. I... Hey, cut that out!

Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now. I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

Yes, I'd like an engagement diamond, please? You come to the right joint, ace. I'll take this one. Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones.

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

Um, a little help, please. Whoa!

so George and Walter will have to share. Uh-- You probably don't want us to see you rehearsing, or it'll give away the ending. That's right! The ending must not be ruined! We'll go wait in the ship. Okay. Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS)

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos.

just the way he likes them now?

(SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop! The robot has to go! (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) Huh? What's that?

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Si! Ouch-o!

Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

That is, I'm sure there's... a very... reasonable-- Do we have enough money to pay Bender's fine?

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

Don't worry. We're in space, where no one can hear you clamp. (LAUGHS EVILLY) What do you know? The Feds gave Bender a new identity as a Moon farmer. He must be afraid to break character, in case there's any Robot Mafia scuzzballs around. FRANCIS: Heh? Come on, let's go check on him.

- Want to see? - Sure. (STUTTERING)

So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not?

The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac. My nose is an aphrodisiac? I'm gonna drop a barf. Demand for human horn is great,

Ma'am? I was just a young girl. Drain angels, they called us. When the ship started going down, my mother grabbed me and made for the nearest life-car.

Yes, let's do see. Okay, get ready. Keep watching. Let me fast forward a little. (FAST FORWARDING) Huh!

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors...

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance.

We love you, Johnny! Shh!

And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday, the professor retains the fiery passion of youth. Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here?

You know, it's not easy being an orphan. Not if I have anything to do with it. Oh, God! But today's honoree, Turanga Leela, has really made something of herself. I'll never forget the night that cute little alien baby was abandoned on our doorstep.

You're paying for that.

My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know.

Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle? Not me, that's for sure. Then it's settled! He's all yours, Pappy! Hey, wait! You can't leave... What? (WAILING)

We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends. Bender would never share.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

When my crew removed the chronitons, it destabilized the nebula, causing time skips throughout the universe. Ooh! Let Bubblegum tell it!

(ZAPP YODELING)

But, Bender, you are a-- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Cool. It's just like the good old days. Give me your wallet or I'll cut you! Leela, get a picture of me being "mugged."

You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call. Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie.

We're two days from Earth with no food. Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser. Work his gut. I like it tender. Maybe that planet over there has a drive-thru. A Burger jerk or a Fishy joe's or a Chiseler or something. Don't get your hopes up. We're a billion miles from nowhere. Yeah, it's probably only got a Howard johnson's.

Whoo! Look out, baby! Work it out! Oh, shake that thing! You gotta use it, ladies! Shake it up a little! That's right! Come on! Work it out! Madam, I am one impressed celebrity.

Wh-Whoa! Someone had a busy day! My roommate exploded. Oh, you gotta help me, Bender. How can I prove I'm human? You could drop dead. That'd show 'em.

Hey, Project Satan, over here! I'm a blind pedestrian! 20 points! Oh no! There's no exhaust pipe.

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile! One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep.

(BOTH COUGHING) Tell my offspring I loved me very much... (GASPS) Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies.

Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet. How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot?

It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream. Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium. It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret.

Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine! To the left! No, to the up! U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place.

I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no.

(GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS) She gave her life to save mine.

No! Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

Zapp, we're out of fuel. And Vergon 6 is about to implode. We need your help. So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl. They've been known to.

Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait!

You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow! No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm. That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior.

Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances. Cheers. Cheers. So, tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler? Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game?

Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis.

That's when I knew him, and that's when I loved him. I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago.

Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid. You're all right. That's some face you got, though. I think they got a cream for that. No, you're great. Well, just let me know...

Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

Okay, heads I look, tails I don't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, heads! I mean, all right then.

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead. I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord!

Hubert Farnsworth? I was out fleeing some robots and the silvery moonlight glinting off their bloody claws made me think of you. It's been a long time you pus-dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky. Uh-huh. May I come in?

the air. Him pending para un bending. Oh, Qbert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you. What is it, a competent employee? I doubt that very much. Little twerp. Ay, Chihuahua!

I'm going to sit right here till it's my shift. Suit yourself, skinbag. That I will. Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good. Good. Well, that's eight hours. Yeah, eight hours of solid boredom.

The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! (EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data. Could you dump that somewhere else? Not really. It's highly volatile dark matter and some corn. But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow, and I've barely had time to prepare.

That certainly is honest. It's better for us to both just be ourselves. You, wrinkled as a prune-- You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

Gentle hippies, put your filthy hands together... for the folk stylings of cylon and Garfunkel! Here's a song that was beautiful... when performed by my ancestor, Art.

Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake. I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions? Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News. Senator, in the last 10 seconds, I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth. Care to evade these compelling charges?

Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation. It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest

Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love.

From the context, it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right? Ah, no! A strike?

this is how far it will spread in 12 hours. This is 24 hours. This is a Verizon coverage map. And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

(MOANING) All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Bender Rodriguez, on the charge of attempted murder, I hereby find you guilty.

Get ready, Fry. I'm going to rip your swim bladder out and show it to you. Dr. Zoidberg, this is madness! You're being irrational! Of course I'm being irrational! I'm in love! Aw... Leela!

I'll admit to a polite interest. At first I was consumed by a dark obsession to kill the whale.

Please. I need something to settle my stomach.

Really? Ahh! Whew! Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow! You know, if you still want your land, we could just trade back for it.

Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how.

Hmm, Spider... Hubble... Nitro... Uh-uh. Ooh! Big Pink!

Uh-oh. What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here.

I told you, I spent it in Mars Vegas! All eight million dollars! He can't be lyin', boss. Not after a Krantzing like that. All right. Then I'm afraid we must kill you and dispose of your body in the nearest dumpster. This one we're in seems pretty close. (SHRIEKS)

No. It would just go in one ear and out some other hole. Come. Sit down. Now, that I can do. (GROANS) I have a terrible secret to confess, Mr. DiCaprio. I'm not very smart. I appreciate your candor. I don't even know what language you're speaking.

- Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

I guess it's okay.

It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here. Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.

Maybe you two belong together.

Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago.

Please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with. Whoo! And his name is? Zapp Brannigan. The very same Zapp Brannigan who did not blow up DOOP headquarters. I rest my case.

It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Huh? Pooh! I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy, because Fry is alive. - But when I'm awake, my mind plays tricks on me. - Oh, take it easy, Leela. in every life, we have Some troubLe. But when you worry, you make it double.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood!

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky,

I'm in trouble. They found out I work with humans, and--

And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

I'm not stupid. So, yes, absolutely. What have I agreed to? I'll return you to your body after you use your ghostly powers to scare Fry to death. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) That sounds fair and also fun.

Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle! It's funny how the battle of the sexes was only resolved... when a manbot and a fembot realized they loved each other. Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm not here. All I know is this gold says that was the best mission ever.

bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo!

I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm!

Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea? Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy, all-digital weapons, but we still managed to kill each other just fine. Ah, the crossbow.

Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per cubic meter of car, and you're barely giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in... And fasten your seatbelts. (ALL GROANING) Come on!

Man, you funny. Good one, Brett. Now, now. No need to give us the business. We'd like a word with your daddy. Whatever. Dad! Don't worry, boys. I'm sure his father is a perfectly normal reasonable man. What the hell do you want?

I've got toys, at very reasonable prices.

I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No! Stop! Wait a minute, man! I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that's where you're gonna be living!

You bastard! Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

A set of combs for your beautiful hair. Oh, that's so sweet but I sold my hair to a wig maker so I could buy a set of combs for Hermes. Oh, the irony. I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair.

And using this, you cannot fail. Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth.

It's how we met? And then what happened? just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh.

You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

(HOCKING) Nice. All right.

Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force.

Fry, what the hell were you people thinking back then? How could you just throw your garbage away? Hey, hey, give me a break. What do you do with it? We recycle everything. Robots are made from old beer cans. Yeah, and this beer can is made out of old robots.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him? Oh, yeah.

(AGREEING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) This actual peace treaty is hereby enacted. Agnew, give it your stamp of approval.

Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another.

Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal. Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten. Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives! FRY: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever.

We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible.

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

(BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest! That offer was for a limited time only.

How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore. I don't blame you.

I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around! I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with. Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me? Yes! Yes!

I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship!

Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain. Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist.

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason.

Not inno-guilty-cent.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Alas, that mine only son... should sink into an irreversible, permanent... coma. Permanent? That's completely out of character for Antonio. I'm getting up. Curse the tragic wildebeest accident that-- Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender!

He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice. (TAPE REWINDING) Mice... Mice... Myself... Elf... Elf... Oops. Elves are back. T. text home?

It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere. Right, Professor. Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth?

Would you look at that gem? Slap that shiner on a ring, and me and Leela will be doing the married horizontal Charleston in no time.

(CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now.

Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear. Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year.

(WHOOPING) Bring on the beer! And the scantily clad barmaids! And the more beer!

Love? That word is unknown here.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello."

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology. Behold our latest weapon, a revolutionary fleet of unmanned drones.

Everybody hit the deck!

Nah, You can't blow the smoke from such a majestic stogie in just anyone's face. I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses... at Zapp Branigan's black tie reception. You comin'? And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it.

Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

(BOTH GROANING) I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons. Yep. I need to get really good without practicing.

Leela, Leela Leela, save him Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye

Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive.

Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago.

All right, all right. If it'll make you happy, I'll overthrow society.

Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free. Freeloading off you? I agree.

New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew? Oh, those poor sons of-- But that's not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew. Anyone interested? Yes. Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted. Thanks for the offer, Professor but we don't have the proper career chips.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Bender terminated. Bender saved.

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show.

We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades.

Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do.

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

NARRATOR: The isolated Galapagos Islands. A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana.

Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box. I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be.

I'm a delivery boy!

we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble. Well, that's the same, but other things are different.

I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb?

Hamboned. Freeze, scuzzbot! Uh, there's obviously been some sort of a mistake here. I'm sure there's-- I say, I'm sure there's-- That is, I'm sure there's... a very...

Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

Please, Professor... give us our jobs back.

Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished. Your Honor, the prosecution roosts. (SQUAWKS) Have you reached a verdict? Indeed. After a steamy 12-way deliberation, we find the accused guilty as...

Clam, bam, thank you, ma'am. Fry? Wow. Leela, my love, will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having.

Somebody tried to run me over and not with a normal hover car. It crept along the ground on round rubber feet like a wolf.

Burning garbage. It worked!

Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no! just make sure you get my nonchalant side.

And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral?

Sacred hog of Prague! That was my anniversary gift to La Barbra. Fear not. For I shall assist ye! Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony!

Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker.

They Call Me Mr. Pibb.

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves. Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep! And now I have a grand announcement. In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby--

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp!

He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather,

'Sup? Kids ready? Yea! Professie's back! Ew! You smell like smoking... and drinking! I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive.

You're lying! He's George Washington. He tends not to do that. David Farnsworth was a notorious British agent and counterfeiter. He conspired to bring down our nation with his fraudulent currency! A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined!

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen.

I got bot-jacked! (BOTH GASP) All I have left is my cigar. Wait... (MUTTERS ANGRILY)

Why with the long faces? The idiots have the box! I think she means you. Grab them!

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to. We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

Realize, you know, my face was stuck in a pizza. Mom, Dad, I know this is weird, but-- Yeah, yeah. We don't care how squishy alien get pregnant. All we care is we have grandchild now. You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong. Hey, you call her "Grandma" now. Call me Grandma like crazy-- all the time.

Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again.

Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful! Negative, bossy meat creature.

Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight? Please, Leela? Kif's like the sweetest guy who's ever liked me. Five. And that's my final offer. Four. One. Two. One-half. I'll take it. We'll meet you tonight for part of dinner... and the first half of a movie.

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING)

Today, the competition begins. Over the course of the summer, we'll be eliminating one contestant each week, and by "we" I mean "me". Deal with it, you babies! Let the battle begin! (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there.

God! Whoa! Whoa! Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this!

You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up. I recently upgraded my funk card. Come on! All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth.

I want to live a little. Help! I'm gonna die! That's the opposite of what I want!

Not Funog! Bender, let's hit the gym. I'm going to teach you to fight like a girl. I'll put on my tutu.

Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender. What proof is this-- some huge number? It's explosive.

There will be no noodles until the operation is complete. You can't force me to operate. Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.

What's that? Maybe we just made love.

The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile. Yes, it's true. I ran over that bird-watching jerk and a hundred others even my best friend from aromatherapy school. I once had a best friend who liked to smell things with me.

North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years,

my beautiful wife Munda has been by my side, even that year my side mutated into some kind of venomous radish. And, Morris, I fell in love with your honesty and humility. And those things never mutated. ALL: Aw! Aw!

Is there room in there for two? You wish. Hey, Leela, look who's the superstud. Hmm, somebody must have turned down the gravity. I'll fix it for you. Give me that.

(MONKEYS GIBBERING)

Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go? Okay, let's clone us some dog. Yeah! Very well.

I don't even know what we do. Nah, just kiddin'. What are we, like a bus or somethin'?

The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy. Here. Try to be happy for me. That way, at least one of us will be. That's it. It's time for this bird to walk.

Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What?

Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair. Huh? It wasn't me. Must be some of that urine you're all so proud of. That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense?

That's so fascinating!

Order! Order in the head! For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender! I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words...

LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter? BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE) (GULPING) (BURPING) Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation. It's pizza time!

What's this? Two meals in one week? Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What?

Thank God you finally overcame your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.

So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else?

Fry has got to go. Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down! Sheesh. 40,000 channels and only 150 of them have anything good on. All My Circuits is brought to you by...

I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

Ew! Gross! I'm gonna use the tongs. (MONKEY GIBBERING) We have our own literature, music and art. The smear lines are impeccable. (ELEPHANT TRUMPETING) Unlike your Earth zoos,

Look, Guenter if you're so miserable here maybe you should just go back to the jungle. The jungle... but I couldn't do that to the professor. I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me.

Hurry up. I want to see the Moon. Relax, it's open till 9:00.

and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

Hello, stranger. This is my first time here. Do you sell diamonds? You come to the right joint, ace. (BOTH CHUCKLING)

Okay, get ready.

frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

but you made one fatal mistake-- leaving this confession note!

Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon. The correct answer is "very."

I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table. The captain's table. What an honor.

An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises. Come out with your hands... I mean, stay in with your hands up. You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable! Aah.

MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight...

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face.

I'm mentally ill.

It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad? It's probably the room. Come on. Let's go for a walk. I'm sorry you saw that, Fry. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside, where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.

Are you on the junk, Fry?

But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

I should have listened to my crew. That space whale wasn't a monster. It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us.

Bender! Down with Bender! As a doctor and captain of this hospital ship, I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live. Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it! Great Shatner's ghost!

Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm! Hello, beautiful. I got these for you.

I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings.

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours. Bender's sick.

- Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted. We can't take off without our captain.

Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed. It's all stuff from that forbidden show.

Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep, heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods. Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day.

(GROANING) Too bad he didn't have his own Bible.

BENDER: Shoot! Someone said shoot.

Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.

(ALL CHEERING) Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

(EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal!

Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women--

I'll take care of this. Bender, do something. I'm too scared.

Not Santa. There he is again!

I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well... Give us back our genitals! Is that you, Borax Kid?

Over and over I watched them, especially the five with the energy beings. I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek! Tremble? I laugh.

Hands up! This is a stickup again!

It is... acceptable.

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose.

You know, to celebrate your genuine love for her. Sounds good. And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese. Shall we say about 7:58? Precisely? Nice to see you, Zapp.

Okay, crew. Xmas break is over. It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver.

Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow?

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone. I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela. (ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope.

Oh, no! Go to commercial.

I'm rollin' up the corporate ramp! It's the end of the line. We're ruined!

Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way.

Do I ask her to mate now? Third date.

Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go. You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..." (SHRIEKS) (BLUBBERING) Worried that city life was filling my head with an unhealthy respect for education,

and he got squished up against the side. Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out. What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before?

You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

All right, Liu, time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah!

I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

That's what I just said, you mortal coil. So, if I die... You die. Or as you put it... (RASPS) Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

Smells like something died in the wall.

Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune. Giant garbage ball...

Leela's going to die! What would Delivery-Boy Man do? I do not want to shoot anybody. You never want to do anything! Oh, nag, nag, nag. You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me!

Come out of your universe with your hands up.

What's happening?

And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before.

Can you translate it? Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three. A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy. Very well.

With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot.

We have a mission to further the noble cause of intergalactic peace.

That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum.

At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) (CHUCKLING) Wait a minute. It sounds like we're getting the short end of that extermination.

I can get two oil changes for the price of one! Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years. So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies.

(LAUGHS) Billy West?

Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late. The inspector will be here in exactly one second.

So he needs you to cram a Tinkertoy in it. I love you, Daddy Bender. Hey! What the hell are you doin'? Quit huggin' me. I guess you're busy. I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it!

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck.

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it.

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves! Whoa-oa-oa!

Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper.

we can arrest most perpetrators before they even perpetrate anything. That's ridiculous. Only horoscopes can predict the future. That's what we used to think. Until we invented this.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers! Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action.

Who's the real seven-billion-ton robot monster here?

Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called...

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late.

I've got these yams. I'll just make some yam schnapps. Hmm. Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers.

Wait. I know you. You're the sleazebag who owns the Ultimate Robot Fighting League. Not anymore. Now I'm the sleazebag who owns the New New York Mets. The Mets? Those bums are worse than me.

No heat. No power. Huddled together in fear, like lice in a burning wig. Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten, after all. What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself. Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart.

Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams. He heals with the power of laughter. Come on. Take it. What's the matter? Can't move your arms? Obviously not, or I'd be strangling you right now.

Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan. Yes, and the only one of her species in all the known universe. What a lonely life. My God. Poor Leela.

Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then? It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m.,

(SCATTING) This must be a difficult time for people who confuse TV actors with actual friends. Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him! Here's corpsey!

Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both. You lazy runts. Don't you get paid for making the toys? Who said "toys"? Toys? Someone said "toys"?

Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable. Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

That's it! Happy birthday!

There he is! All right! Closure! Oww!

Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up.

In other words, no. Ohh! All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer!

including a crime you made up yourself called "burgle-arson-arceny"? That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three.

Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh.

(CRASHING) KWANZAA-BOT: Oh, yeah. Hurray! Kwanzaa-bot's here to save... (SQUELCHING) They killed him. Joyous Kwanzaa, everybody.

(SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Hooray for the humans!

Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy!

Can we try not to complicate this? Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet Fry, my boyfriend. Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm.

Funny plague, hyper-malaria. It can kill immediately, or lie dormant for decades. But sooner or later, it erupts, causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel!

You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there.

"Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city.

I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us. Oysters Rockefeller here has provided genuine turkey dogs.

Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone? Wait. If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons!

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair.

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found. Please put your hands together for my next guest, winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

onto this pile of rusty bayonets. Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back. I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear. Well, thanks, soldier. I'm off to make Sarge's lunch.

One, two! one, two, three!

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good. That's what she said! Whoo!

Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this. You know the worst thing about being a slave?

Now, if you see any robots just stay out of their way. So far, so good.

(SOBBING) Would it cheer you up if I punched Fry in the groin? 'Cause I'll do it, regardless. Body blow! Body blow! (GROANING) I devoted every waking minute to answering the fundamental questions of science.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it takeS forever

ALL: To Bender!

Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

You doing all right out there, buddy? Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids.

I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker! Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand? In good time. You go enjoy the opera.

Nonsense. Zoidberg's a fine physician, for aliens. Your mistake is being humans. No, if I'm going to fire anyone, it'll be Scruffy. You can't do that. Over my dead body! Don't you get it, old man? Thanks to Dr. Scissorhands, I wet myself every time I laugh.

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time... a time of barn dances and buggy rides before life was cheapened by heartless, high-tech machines.

(GROANS) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) ...and those are today's high scores. Linda? Thanks, Morbo. Coming up next, Galaxians, what you need to know to protect your family.

a student of the legendary Helmut Spargle. Bender is some sort of wonderful mechanical man. Ooh, delicious. This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of "funk-ay!"

(WATER SPLASHING)

Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about. There will be no noodles until the operation is complete.

See Chef Fritz over there? He's only using the choicest cuts of hummingbird. Murakami-san got his hands on a nice rack of angel wings. Gonna grind 'em up into Heavenwurst. And me? I'm making my spice-weaseled bratwurst outta pork. So you are using pork! Pork that's been aged for 3,000 years!

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors...

Hello, everyone. I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded with that of a giant space whale. I'll admit to a polite interest.

It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be!

It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute. I guess we'll never figure out what that glimmer is. Nope. Pretty, though. Hey, hey, wait... It's doing something.

if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about. Whoa!

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew.

I'm not worthy to stamp a form so I'll stamp the pavement with my flabby body. Bureaucrat Conrad if you complete your death transaction without filing a suicide and/or falling accident permit you will be posthumously demoted. Life, death--

We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten.

Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? Is it, A, a hammer? B, a nail? C... B, Nail! Final answer!

I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now.

Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner. That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain? That's not covered by my insurance fraud. Count me out. No, you've got to do it. I don't care how suicidal it is.

Exciting news, people! The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived. Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman.

He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass! Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty.

Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you? Hmm. I'm not quite sure.

Well, actually--

The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000.

Crap. Crap. Garbage.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

What are you? Some kind of galactic computer?

Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned on Earth I've been searching for who my people are and where they come from. Then I finally meet another Cyclops and you blast him. You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible.

One spoonful to calm me down.

and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of-- of-- Package delivery. Package delivery? Oh, God! Fantastic! Now, the first order of business... is to blame everything on the guy before me. Professor? I'll ruin you like I ruined this company!

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco!

(ALL GASP) Greetings, Princess Purpleberry. I am Lord Loquat, your new neighbor.

In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine.

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me. At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book.

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive.

Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

It's just like murdering a little butler. I-- I can't look. Oh, no! What have I done?

One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

I'm walkin' on sunshine hmm-mm-mm Sunshine It's over. My dream of being a chef... is deader than the cat I'm sitting on.

reducing all the laws of nature to a single equation. Professor, you did it. You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor. I like physics, but I love cartoons. This is the greatest moment in scientific history.

This is crazy. You're from the future? Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected. I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon?

It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do. Even break dancing. And it once belonged to someone very special. I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay. Really? Son, I'm naming you Philip J. Fry,

That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man. (DOOR OPENS) I almost headed off the Professor at the East River,

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines.

Great work, Bender. You've taught us to hate humans all over again. Are you all right? Oh, yeah.

Bucket of hot dogs.

Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel... and his owner, Fluffers.

For the last time, I'm not obsessed. I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

Everyone out of my body, or the brain gets it! He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh!

Scruffy's work here is done. (CHUCKLING) (CACKLING) (IN BENDER'S VOICE) Now to find Emperor Von Richendoof. Now to find Scruffy.

So I says, "Supercollider? I just met her." And then they built the supercollider. Thank you. You've been a great audience. Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen.

Look, Leela, there's nothing about your body that could ever shock me, so... (SCREAMS) That is nasty!

All I wanted was to apologize to you people. But now I have to kill you.

(BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology.

You have to learn to work together again. The crazy tablecloth man is right. It's time to set aside our differences. Black stripe, yellow stripe. At the end of the day, we're just a couple of darn talking space bees. Hey, forget about it. Come here and give me a sting.

Oh, no! Professor will hit me. But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts. Oh! Ow. What? Oh! Today, I've personalized each of your meals.

I woke you up early, so we could hang out and do stuff. Like what?

Excuse me. This is mighty strange. First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show." "Twelve hospitalized for boredom at play." It says nine of them are gonna be okay.

Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son. Who are you again? It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Oh, yeah? Prove it. Here, let me help you.

As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power.

And if history doesn't care that our degenerate friend Fry is his own grandfather, then who are we to judge?

Bender's in his office. Thanks. I got your hookup, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you I'll need it in advance. Okay, Fry.

where we're already at there. (MOANS)

Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you. Yeah, wh-what? Oh, wait a second. That means I also take after you.

Soylent Green, a classic ingredient of gourmet cooking. And the battle is on!

Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box.

And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same Dumpster. But this one had a live raccoon inside. Pretty good story, hey, Hermes? Stick to someone else, ya windy barnacle!

Microwave? Never heard of that brand, sweetheart.

Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh! All right, Liu,

Okay. Cheap lights. Off-brand camera.

I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal. Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case...

Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Mental... Minds? What? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen. I freaking love you.

Look out, world, here I... (GROANS) I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies.

I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend. Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats.

Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses.

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow!

Union forever! Lousy scabs! They can't do those things! Et cetera!

Well, I'm out of material. You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut. Enjoy your breakfast.

But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff.

It's dark matter.

They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus. You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode.

Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit!

Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

Bender, you can't even vote. You're a convicted felon. Convicted, sentenced and executed. But Nixon passed a law that says ex-cons can vote again as long as they vote for Nixon.

Good luck, Bender!

What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

- Hey, what are you doing? - This. Dear Horse God, I know I don't usually pray to you. Sometimes I doubt you even exist. But if you're willing to grant me luck, please stamp your hoof once.

I'm gonna make cutie muffin gumbo!

So you lost the atom, huh? You're garbage, human garbage! Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000? 200,001? You're closest without going over.

Says you, salary-man. Behold the dance of peace.

"Leela"? Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm. We will give back girl when we get back planet surface.

Aw, crap. Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father?

(ALL GASPING) You've been hitting the Red Stripe, woman! Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad! When we're at space, the captain's word is law. I could marry you and Bender against your will, if I wanted to. You wouldn't dare!

One more lap! Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap. (CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology.

La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired.

Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for Schkinadel, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medical school...

Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm.

Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress. Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human. Ahh. Nerve gas. Sorry for the face blast, buddy. But you gotta watch out for humans, right? They're just too dang unpredictable, what with their free will and all.

Michelle, this is Leela. This is Bender. The professor. Hermes and Amy.

And, of course, the liquor industry attracted organized crime. Aw, it's all my fault! Malachi, tell thy people...

Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines, and you made the wrong one. No refunds!

especially the five with the energy beings. I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek!

It will be as if you never came to the future. You will have your life back, and we will succeed in our plan... to understand and destroy the universe. Everybody wins! The human will be returned to the past!

Can't we just shoot a missile at it? We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it.

Later, I'll show you the pictures. Do you ever regret it, John, leaving me to work for the Professor? Oh... What do you want me to say? He saved my life. Big deal. You could have been rich if you'd stayed. Your own lab, a full staff. But Hubert is my friend.

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit.

I'd like that! (GRUNTS)

All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS)

It's beautiful. Hey, what's that? The Emperor Bont! He's still alive! Of course I'm alive. Now cut this creep open and drain me out. My tummy hurts.

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday."

Perhaps we could explode the whole damned nebula. - What do you think, Curly joe? - No, man. An explosion big enough to destroy that mama would take out half the universe.

Fabulous friends. Mmm. And I'm really happy I have that life back. And you, my faithful fiend, how can I ever repay you? And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos! Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours! That jeep's gonna hit him, and I won't exist anymore!

This seems the logical place for fish to congregate.

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it.

Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager.

Three, four, cha-cha-cha.

Oh, Fry, you must be alive. I've never been treated so romantically by my own imagination before.

They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe, destroying many, many planets,

We gave the world the light bulb, the steamboat and the cotton gin. Those things are all from the 19th century. Yeah, well, they probably just copied us. Please, there's no time for this now. This is an emergency. We must warn the mayor. Garbage ball, huh?

Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help!

I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you! Strange. You haven't acted this suspicious... since I found those "ape bones" in the basement. My hip hurts. I'm in the middle of cooking a turkey. I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses.

I knew Bender would turn up purely by coincidence. Take care of him, but do it quietly. Don't worry. We're in space, where no one can hear you clamp. (LAUGHS EVILLY) What do you know?

Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror. Uh, Professor... off you go. Pleasant trip.

Fry, are you all right?

You stink, loser! Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on! But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve. Like you got squat to celebrate. You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Action Delivery Force, assemble! Ha-ya! Ya! Hoo-oo! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. (CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

Are you all black with yellow stripes or are you yellow with black stripes? Yellow with black stripes, man. Why don't you just move along? Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that?

You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie.

Great is okay, but amazing would be great. Please, don't push. There's hot dogs for everyone. Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered?

"A" is for a... Wait!

(EXCLAIMING SOFTLY) (ALL SHUDDERING) (EXCLAIMING)

Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket.

It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti?

Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun,

What? That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why?

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do?

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man! Well, boy, I tell ya, buddy-- Uh!

I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time! It looks pretty authentic. You bet it's authentic. See this scratch? I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang.

Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft. Mine! Mine!

Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm. Ooh. Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

Well, that covers the first three killings. And now, to make sure you won't talk... I'm going to have to do something really impulsive. So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it.

Once again, today's winning lotto number was four. In other news, alien saucers continued to rain destruction upon Earth. We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal. Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under.

The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave. I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore. Congratulations. Nice work.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we?

Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis Asking questions in school

Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway.

Delivery boy Philip J. Fry reporting for duty. Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine.

(BENDER GRUNTING) Fry? Bender. I knew you wouldn't abandon me for much more than a week. What's happening? Why is his butt glowing? The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably. That's right, ugly.

Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat.

Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor.

(GIGGLING) Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. (CHUCKLING) Oh, no. Bender, stop! Stop!

I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look. No, that's how you always look.

Okay, you can have my nose. - Guards! - Yeah? Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it.

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys.

You Clobberella Citizens, never fear Crazy do-good freaks are here Until they run out of steam Miracle Cream Miracle Cream Gives the power to the team its effects wear off for sure

Welcome aboard, brother! All right! You're out. That was pretty cool. I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics. And so, with two weeks left in the campaign,

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore.

Oh, fuff! Why bother remembering anything? You're just going to forget it five seconds later.

We're trapped. I never thought it would end this way-- Gunned down by Santa Claus. Honestly, I didn't see it coming. Good-bye, Fry. Good-bye, Leela.

Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass!

Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land. Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do.

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it.

I've got his scent. Over here where the water gets warmer. This way. Ooh!

And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie?

Bender would never share. The very idea! So we set up this little charade based on an episode of Speed Buggy.

We came here instead of eating today. This might be their only chance to skate here their whole lives. Who are we to say they can't? The mayor's aide... and his badge. Beat it, kids! Come back when you got connections! All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium.

Dissect its brain. No! Mama! Stop Grandpa! Enough chitchat. Restrain the specimen. ...Some of that special sauce.

Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve. It's good cholesterol, but it spreads like bad cholesterol.

Where were you born? Our Lady of Patriotism Hospital. Patriotism, good. Where is it? Kenya. Cradle of humanity. Leela, this is just a stupid distraction from the issues. Please don't look for my Earth certificate. Hey! That was my favorite window.

Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

Schlock and more schlock. Psst. Is the coast clear? Button your yap, you mug. I've discovered a new means of time travel. I'll call it the Farnsworth Effect!

Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected. I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. Hey, where's Amy and Bender?

I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him! - Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh?

What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable.

Eyes, look your last. Arms, take your last embrace. And lips, oh, you, the doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss. (WHISPERING) Here's to my love.

Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers.

All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses.

Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny. And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking... Yup.

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters.

Ah. Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful. Hey, what's that?

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

- That-a-girl! - Right on! - Good call. Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck-stop chick.

Sometimes two or three times. Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit. What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar,

No! Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy. No. I mean they are all free.

Ten minutes ago? Oh! (BEEPING) (ALARM SOUNDING) Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here? Now, then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht?

so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again.

Who wants Pop-Tarts? Ah. Uh-oh. It's okay. I have an emergency phone.

He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man.

Shh! What was that sound? It wasn't a bird's nest falling. That sounds like this. Aw, they're so cute when they're scared. I meant the sound Bigfoot just made. He's been sighted a lot in this area recently.

I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

In fact, severely reduced pay all around.

I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did.

ALL: Mazel tov! Mazel tov! I'd like to thank the preacher-bot for the introduction and also for not circumcising me again, am I right? (ALL CHUCKLING) Twice was enough. But seriously, today, I'm not just a man-bot,

The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams.

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much.

That's me, baby. Hmm...

So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe! Sweet honeybee of infinity!

He's not very ugly. You should marry him or at least use him to conceive a grandchild for us. There he is at the buffet. Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he?

The time is 7:59 and the robot polls are now opening... and the robot vote is in. Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh... Why would robots vote for Nixon now that he's just a head in a jar? I give you the next president of Earth!

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

No doubt about it, this place is haunted.

- Uh-oh. - Sorry. Ah, this thing stinks.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Oh, no! What should we do? (GASPS) Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out.

Okay. I was just at this part-- Ohh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer.

People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: From the "Rowdy" Roddy Piper Daycare Center in Glasgow, Scotland, it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling!

We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B...

That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level.

Ooh, there's one left. Mama.

Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero.

You are all dismissed. Fry, I will speak to you alone.

Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most. So, how about them Knicks?

You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter.

I'll miss you, Leela. I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Oh, yeah? Well, take this! Oh, my. Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid. Fry, I admire what you did today,

Forget it! I'm not going. I have my reasons. Shut up, all of you!

I beat him up and took his hat! It's really nice. I hope he's not hurt too bad. Come on! Let's go to a redneck bar. (ALL CHEERING) Yes! (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you. Guards.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells. Yes, I was there. I know she said not to contact her, but it's been three weeks. I'm going to fall down that manhole again and visit her. (BEEPING) Leela's wrist thingy. How can I help you? Fry, where's Leela? We haven't seen her since she sprouted tentacles.

we have a unanimous decision. The winner and Heavyweight Acting Champion of the world, Langdon Cobb! (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho! Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business?

Ow! Cool. Ow! Listen, Leela thanks for rescuing me last night. Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you. Yep. Everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender. Come on. It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together.

He's convinced he's a lunchroom worker. So they put him to work in the lunchroom. How is workin' the lunchroom, Frankie? - It's all right. - Poor Frankie.

LEELA: Hee-ya! Uh, wha...? David Farnsworth, I presume? (GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth. Foof. You're a disgrace to the very name, Farnsworth.

We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees.

I've had it with your tardiness, Fry. I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else. Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late!

It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me. Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception.

I just don't get why you have to flirt with every bad boy in sight. Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it.

Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile.

There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional-- A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher. It comes with three jolly-seeking missiles.

Billy Everyteen.

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking! Fry, you idiot! You're a genius! Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws? To find out, we'd have to recreate the conditions before the big bang.

That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven.

Yo, sexy mama. Let's get busy and freaky, in that order. Hey, jumbo! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy... and she wanted to make love with you? Eh, I gots five minutes.

I must now embark on a perilous journey... to give birth in precisely the same swamp in which I was born. If it's so dangerous, I'd better go with you. A gal has to protect her D.N.A. No, Leela. Tradition demands that I make this journey with my Smizmarr,

Ahh. Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

I'll save one of you!

Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland. That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never.

BOTH: Ow! You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around. (MUTTERING MOCKINGLY) Observe this two-dimensional egg. If we were in the third dimension, looking down, we'd be able to see an unhatched chick in it,

Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important--

We were defeated in battle.

My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two, and two became four, making seven total. The end.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy.

And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs. Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely.

Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there. Listen, you fat Internet nerd. Listening.

Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball!

This isn't a war. It's a murder. This isn't a war. It's a murder.

think twice before you step on it. It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

It's not just safe, it's 40% safe. (SCREAMING)

They're going to take pity on him! Do something! Your Honor, prosecution moves to drop the charges against Cubert Farnsworth. (ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig.

(LAUGHING) Aw. You didn't have to do that. I didn't? Damn. Don't worry. By tomorrow, no one will remember. Can I have another hug? No.

I didn't think he'd miss this apartment that much. He doesn't care about the apartment. He cares about you, and you turned your back on him. Oh, man, I had no idea. If only I knew where he was, I'd go talk to him.

Theres. The world's drinkings water is safes for another days.

Uh-- Na na na na na na Captain, may I have a word with you?

Just shut up and bring me two dinners. Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot. Fry's not here. Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor.

I'm going to need that pen back.

No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now.

Look, we've all been in a sea monster's stomach. But did you get any pictures of the Calculon? Yeah, but a true photo buff wouldn't even use these for toilet paper. Not if curtains were available. You're too hard on yourself, robot. These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid. LEELA: Us People Magazine?

Uh, yes, darlin', I can. In State of Alabama versus Giant Space iguana, chewin' the corners off the Constitution... was deemed non-protected speech. He shut you up, O'Connor. Mr. Waterfall, you may now present arguments... on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg. Oh, God, I'm nervous.

Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends. They don't deserve to die.

(SNIFFLES) My little meatbag's growing up.

Hello? Hello? What's happening? I'm not sure. I think he's shuffling off sadly into the distance. Oh, Lord.

Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair?

10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset?

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

But it doesn't! (GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages! Back off! I got hostages!

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me. Why does your vanity plate say "Probe 1"?

But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.

(GASPING) (GULPS) I'm fine. (CRACKING) Ow! I got a bone in my fruit! That's it. From now on, we're not eating anything unless we know what it is and where it's from. We're going to the local farmers market.

No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either. Besides, it's not like one vote ever made a difference. That's not true.

performing a traditional gangster rap, Miss-- What the--

You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh! You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops.

Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno.

And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop-- Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew!

This is no spa. It's a forced labor camp. Curse that Dr. Zoidberg. If I get out of here he'll be looking down the business end of a shrimp fork. Give him one for me, too, mate. I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

Back when I was captain all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants. Beer? Underpants? - Ah. - Ah. But now, Zapp's not captain anymore.

Now, a short film about those pitiable creatures so in need of our charity. NARRATOR: Far beneath the everyday rumble of limousines and poodle feet, there toil a downtrodden people even less well off than the upper middle class. The noble sewer mutants.

People need to know about the-- can eat more.

Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if I had a drink. Crummy keg! It's completely tapped-- Oh, you're a robot. - Don't stop. - Ew!

It's the decaying ruins of old New York.

KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner. I... landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball.

No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity. And I still barely felt anything. Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him.

Can I get a big picture?

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms.

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes?

Not till I get my 600 quatloos!

Like the Kardashians.

Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things. I sent the disk to be filed at The Central Bureaucracy. I did what I had to do, Fry. He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now.

Prepare for liftoff. Ten... Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Look, friends. I accidentally learned to tap dance. (FRY PLAYING TROMBONE) Zoidberg, I'm trying to... (BEEPING) Time for my 4:21 daiquiri! Guys, guys, guess who just got commissioned as a tugboat? (TOOTS STEAM WHISTLE)

you are always welcome here at Rancho Zoidberg. Eee! Money doesn't make good people. No, sirree.

(LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button. You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again? Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name.

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time.

And the Clippie goes to... (STRAINING) Philip J. Fry!

(BEEPING) I didn't know this ship had a mammoth detector. You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly." (BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy! Bender? I smell burning tusk.

Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham.

Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone.

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

If you're late, you only get to tread water in the scallop tank. Yeah, I'll have a coffee. Guppy, trout, mermaid Or-- Whale, please.

Long live Pharaoh Bender! Long live Pharaoh Bender!

(SIGHS) Very well. This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man.

Good virtual God! It's our old farm. It's beautiful. Appearances. Just a simple matter of appearances. Speaking of which...

It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from. (ALL LAUGHING) ALL: Aw... We don't know, either. Then prepare to be embarrassed.

Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand. I got to get out of here.

You've made a terrible mistake. He's a human being, not a machine! Oh, Fry! Gonna sing a little tale about a battle Called Waterloo Bonjour, y'all!

No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure. But I don't belong here. I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell...

I can't go out tonight because...

Thank you, sir. You got the toenail. Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry. The important thing is

And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod. I do love a man in uniform. (CLEARS THROAT) I mean, a uniform that doesn't involve short pants.

Well, that solves that.

First, I scan the old sweater. Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do. Now the matter prism reorganizes the raw material into two smaller copies.

Hold him down. Check.

Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender?

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Incredible! According to the gizmometer,

But it's time to discuss a pressing issue, the right to marry who or what we want! ALL: Yeah! Legalize it! Every other couple has the right to marry. Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man.

(HORNS BLOWING) Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you!

I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do! just wake up, Leela. Please, just wake up.

There's only room for two, and you're the one I want to share it with. Fry, that's so sweet. Lemme see. How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela. Yeah, they'll come in handy if I need to cover any tiny manholes.

Death to all humans!

Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall?

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad.

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of The Jonas Brothers and their orchestra to bring you a special bulletin.

You'd better stay here during biology. Mrs. Jenkins dissects anything smaller than a fifth-grader. Well, if it isn't Grandmaster Phlegm. I heard you're entering the NASA science competition. Maybe I am, LL Fool J.

Oh, take me in your arms and compress me! Compress me tight! Stop! Let us climb to the heavens, that the gods themselves might envy us!

(GRUNTING) (STRAINING)

Who are you? I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I...

I can't face this mysterious planet alone without you or someone like you. (BLOWING) Zapp? Zapp, wake up. Leela, where are we? We crashed on an uncharted planet. When I woke up, I was pinned under this tree. Can you help me?

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time, thus solving the problem once and for all. - But-- - Once and for all!

Okay, let's just get in, get out and... Now what? Now we wait for nature to take its course. How long does it take to pass through a moon worm? All right, let's just rescue them and get out of here.

I'd like an extra-beautiful bouquet, for my extra-gorgeous sweetheart. Average, please. Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me--

Ahh. Next, assume my social obligations.

Bender's been down there too long. I'm going in after him. Professor! Lava! Hot!

How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma. We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time. My name's Hubert.

Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure! Not you. Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang.

(GROANING) Is Fry going to be okay? I don't think so. He's grown all these strange insect parts, and he has absolutely no brain activity. Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal!

You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes. We have bigger problems.

I got your distress call and came as quickly as I wanted to. No need to thank me. What's your problem, homes? Now we'll be stuck like this forever! Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

Great cow of Moscow!

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you.

I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet? We just talked, okay?

Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art

Where's the exploding?

I don't understand. Well, you were going to live in the closet anyway.

Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down!

Look, Zoidberg, you're a loyal friend. "Friend"? But I'm doomed! I might as well capture a Yeti and die trying. Then you'll need someone to dissect it, friend. (ROARING)

Thank God there are plenty of escape pods. We won't have to dress up like women and children.

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!

Who built you? I have always been.

Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense. Fetal stem cells? Aren't those controversial?

I'm back, Crab Dip. What you watching? Only a documentary about the greatest actor in the world. Ah, yes, Calculon. I happened to snap a picture of him taking some time with his biggest fan. No, not that scene-chewing ham. I said the greatest actor, Langdon Cobb. Let's rewind, shall we?

This is unbelievable. The old Bender never would have taken us out to dinner. The old Bender's gone. He won't trouble you anymore. Would monsieur care to see the wine list?

What? Oh, this is horrible. I won't be able to hear Fry's opera. How delightfully ironic.

Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial. Let's refract this sucker. (SCREAMING)

Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING) (COUGHING) Okay, that's it. I need some air.

Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those. Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing! Give it to him, Andrew! Give it to him again, Andrew!

Him pending para un bending. Oh, Qbert, come in here. I have something amazing to show you. What is it, a competent employee? I doubt that very much. Little twerp. Ay, Chihuahua!

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs

That'll take care of those annoying rats.

Hey, you don't get to laugh. Thanks a billion. More like 4.3 billion. - Oh! - Ow!

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!

But there's no human horn around here, so make friends with the door. All right. I give up. I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk. Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face!

Pay attention to me!

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me!

Hand me that backup disk. Did you see me escaping? I was all, like--

No! At last I'm beautiful!

Ohh! That's how I must've done it!

Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise.

because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V, I got a magnificent performance out of me because I respected me so much. Okay! I'm done "recafoobelling" the energy-motron! Or whatever! Fire!

(SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this. (CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. You are hereby conquered! Please line up in order of how much beryllium it takes to kill you!

Who gave you that idea? All right! They must've all come as a group. Welcome, swingers! Pull up a groove and get fabulous! Eh, huh? Good day, fellows. Someone dumped this invitation in my begging cup.

Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash! No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

Yes, I've made some new teakettles. Perfect for special occasions. Like hanging King George in effigy... And "H" and "I" are monograms you can put on those kettles. What are you looking at, you British bastards?

(BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

Thou willst never pry information from these mechanical lips! Just tell us, already.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain? Fine! I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid... and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt. Ah, I've heard better. If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard.

Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen!

Not enough room? My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person.

That'll be 40 cents. I believe you're forgetting about our five percent military discount. Well, that's only for people in the military. What?! Huh? This is the worst kind of discrimination-- the kind against me.

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) (CRYING) What the...

- Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo!

I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future. I have shocking data relevant to this conversation. We don't care, you dope. We're in another universe. You're not in charge anymore. It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999.

Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no.

And now, to create an unstoppable army of between one and two million zombies! Shouldn't you wait for the weather to clear up? No. I give you the twit-worm! Send.

I made this bracelet so that in some small way, we'll always be with you.

A dark day for humanity, folks.

Now, tragedy... That's funny. Come on, everyone, perhaps some skiing will help us forget the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever. You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid--

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

Oh, no, you don't. Come here, Crushinator. Yes, Pa.

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this.

He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way. Not so fast, Sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases. You ain't goin' nowhere.

Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution? 1776 and what all? Oh! The Colonial dustup. Well, there's nothing we Brits enjoy more than a good documentary. Turn on the tellyvisor, Dr. Zoidsmythe.

It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity! I changed my mind! Aaah!

We figure, if we can beat five Larry Birds, we can beat anybody. Cloning is wrong. It's wrong, I say! Oh, I just hope that mysterious dragon ghost doesn't show up at the lab again. But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing? And against a team of clones, no less.

The New Justice Team

I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy.

(GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb? It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy?

Leela, shh. I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture. Now to examine some matter. Any old matter will do. HERMES: Mon, that's some cheap-ass matter. What the hell is it? Oh, it's just a log I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries. Hey, Fry...

Uh-oh. I'm terrible at parallel parking. And now you're asking for a day off?

By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout.

Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob. Good work, Evans. You've got a future around here. Thank you, sir.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

Pretty cool, eh? I'm over here where I was 10 seconds ago. Something's cool? Show it to us. Oh, right. You were outside the button ball, so you don't remember a thing I said. Let's try again, but this time, everyone cram into my time shelter.

It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste. What does it taste like? Delicious fig pudding! Ooh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste. All right, all right! So the machine produces a few toxic by-products.

Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will. Against their will? My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday.

You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing-- Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome.

I know it hurts, buddy, but at least you're not in a sick relationship with a robot anymore. Uh-huh. And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu.

We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING) Scoop Chang, New New York Times online podcast blog comments editor.

This sort of thing always happens with office romances. Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much.

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward!

I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started. Raise the main ladder! Don't lose hope, Fry! What kind of coffin do you want? (GRUNTS)

I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too. Pansy. Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one.

Come in, come in.

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with... It's going to be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string.

Ah, I'm just messing with you, kid. You're all right.

I'm afraid the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no. Then I quit! Then you don't quit. I think you'll be finishing the scene now, Mr. Bender. And don't skimp on the nasty. There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence!

Have a good one!

Hmm? Time out! Time out! What's happening? We seem to be lurching forward randomly in time, like a needle skipping on a record player.

Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time.

Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

I'm going to keep this egg safe and warm and secure until it hatches out into the world. And then I'm going to eat it. Ain't nothing like a postcard coming from your own mind Your own mind Hey there's a toothache coming from your goldmine, your goldmine

I'll call Orson Welles. Dork calling Orson! Dork calling Orson!

The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo

I'll save me! Quick, grab his foot cuffs! Bummer.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it.

In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

All right! I'm rich!

We don't even have a sample of the professor's DNA. I think I know where to get some. Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

It's a shmundred degrees, and all we have to drink are non-diet sodas.

Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true! That dress looks great on you. Thanks. Thanks. Where is she? I must say, Amy, you're all made up.

You're out of the gang.

Come on, Leela. You can do it! Hurry, we're missing our bus! Hey, what are you doing?

Cornelia, my love, will you marry me? Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg. (RAZZING) That's all you get, jerks!

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00? Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody want to come? Yeah, okay. What's the weather like? The usual. Boiling lead, oceans of lava.

Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps. Your gift pleases Femputer. Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet!

What are you up to? Nothing but break dancing.

I've performed a few mercy killings. So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe... Oh, gee... Yeah, I'm... just going through a lot of things right now

Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw! (PANTING)

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

I'd better test it with a dramatic... Is he all right? ...pause!

Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter?

Aww. Tell you what-- I'll accept their apology... when they kiss my ass, which I don't have! No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop!

I promise nothing!

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion! Then what? Nothing.

Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Zapp... Lying sack of... (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Well, this is awkward. Our Carcaron friends declared war. Then, once again, my lies have been proven true.

Sell 100 soylent beans! Buy 3,000 corn bellies!

Goodbye forever. No! I won't go back! I won't... Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you.

Are you hurt, my sweet? No. Luckily, a family broke my fall. just hang on.

Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left. Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot.

Come on, everybody. If you don't believe in him, he can't hurt you. Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho!

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING) Huh? (SURPRISED CRY) No!

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk!

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

You're with me now! This is the maximum level of being with me.

I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas. I guess what I'm asking is, Bender, won't you join my slaying tonight?

I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. ANNOUNCER: Purpleberry Pond will return after these messages. Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down.

While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals.

how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid. At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

What have you got that's really overpriced? Everything. Bring me that. Make it two. And a glass of all your water. Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank." Don't you worry about "blank." Let me worry about "blank." Good. I also would have accepted, "Blank? Blank? You're not looking at the big picture!"

This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We could settle down on that mountain of skulls.

Fry, you are going to shoot Bender, killing him and shattering the fake bottle, just as I predicted. Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans. (BULLET RICOCHETING) Oh! Nuts. You shot me!

Oh, look. A cute little welcoming party. Hey, wanna buy a tiny little kidney? I'll let you punch me for a buck.

(URGING) Whoa, whoa, there, girl. Go on, now! Get on back to Paraguay! (BRAYING)

Well, that was pointless. Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me...

(GASPS) The ball of yarn! Quite. Even so, you'd still need a tremendously powerful static charge to trigger the process. Ever had a cat rub up against you?

Does not compute. Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg? I'm not on trial here.

But don't take my word for it. Unbiased-Reviews.mom says Twitcher is the killer app.

Remember: Rover gets the pill and Pepper gets the suppository. Next! Ow! Ah, it's just a simple broken fang. Nothing serious. What's that you say there, Doctor? You're going to have to put him down?

And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No! While you await your "friend,"

Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win.

The court is intrigued. Perhaps we could hear more about these forbidden words... from someone with a sexily seductive voice.

I hope you win, Leela. Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you. I'm the star of the show. Shh.

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

Let's see, where to start. Okay. This is the TV area that over there is the breakfast nook and over here is where you'll be living which is great, 'cause till now it's just been wasted space. It's kind of cramped in here.

Presenting the Queen of England, America, and two parking spaces in Tokyo. Where's me consort at? (STUTTERING) Consort? That's right, love. For centuries, the Farnsworth gentlemen has provided service to the Queen.

There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here?

give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance. Yeah. And if you won't give me another chance perhaps you'd give one to... Og, Gorilla Emperor of Earth. Sorry, Og. But I've got a new crew.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone?

The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President. No! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary!

Kill all modern humans! Hey, this guy's all right. (SCREAMS) (TRUMPETING) (SHOUTING) Battalion A, smash things! Battalion B, smash different things!

Whoa! Quae? Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

For to express oneself by doing a thing... is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderful people. Kill him! Kill the traitor!

He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass From here to Pakistan

You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough. Hey, what's behind that door? Nothing. Is it the secret ingredient? Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point.

(CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky?

And that's how we learned our lesson.

But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother? Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

But it's written in Alienese, so no one on Earth can translate it. Not even Brainzilla. Hand it over! Sure. I just wish I could be more helpful. Would you like some dirt on any other orphans? Look. I'm trying to save someone here. I'll have to come back for those later. Can you translate it?

Mmm! Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe.

Quick, take my hand. I don't know. Bad things happen when you say that. I got her! Ow! Oops!

I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics.

Hi! I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Better mascots than you have tried.

The ship carrying Bender's heinie sank in the treacherous gases of the Sargaseous Sea. Once we locate the wreck... (YELLS) Asteroids!

Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon! Bender, you can't even vote. You're a convicted felon. Convicted, sentenced and executed.

Wait. I thought we were buying our eyePhones online. We are on line. But I thought the Mom Store was across town.

YOu-- What? I don't understand. Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery.

Seymour lived a full life after I was gone. He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles!

Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days? The calendar predicts fires, earthquakes, sharksplosions, then it just ends! Exactly as the weather balloon foretold. Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle.

Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating.

May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo?

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli.

How ultra? Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year. Since the spill, our penguins have been laying six eggs every 15 minutes. Also, the eggs hatch in only 12 hours. Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

So then my chair tilted back and I almost fell into this freezer thingy. I call it a Hawking Chamber. But instead of falling in and getting frozen I missed and wanged my head. Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

Some magical bearded robot in the sky? I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son. Good, 'cause I'm sick of him.

He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside.

Goodbye, my love. (SOBBING)

In the woods! I was walking. For Bigfoot, looking. Then aliens beamed me up. Were they little gray dudes with big oval heads? I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong? Cheer up, friend. When we get home, a high-quality prosthesis will have you looking good as new.

I don't know when

customer records are strictly confidential. Right this way. I videotape everyone who comes in here so I can blackmail them later. Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?

My experiment measures the effect of microgravity on the propagation of the common cold virus in an anaerobic environment, i.e., space. Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son. (COUGHING)

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

I told you how And we'll meet up at 10:00

Our paths first crossed when I was a researcher at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. The moment our eyes met we knew we'd be going at it like woodchucks.

(ALL GASP) Oh, your God! Fry and Leela are in a zoo! Shh! Oh, sorry.

My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear.

The brains are weakening. Nibblonians to Nibble stations. Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets. Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness?

Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food! Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

Hurry, Bender. I could if you dropped the stupid gold violin. Oh, sorry.

A card from my cousin Zoidfarb.

That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die.

Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float. Ew! Look at her! (GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it!

(ZAPP GRUNTING) (CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed.

Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo. Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up. Of course, every now and then, you want to knock it up a notch with a blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar!

(LAUGHING) (GROWLING) I wish I had more living relatives. What about the professor's parents?

El zilcho. I'm afraid we're boned. El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

(ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30.

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't.

Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks. Hey. Wow, the jungles on Mars look just like the jungles on earth.

Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court!

What? Twenty-seven.

You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap.

FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Look, all the presidents are back. Even John Tyler. That's the first time anyone's spoken to me in 1,200 years.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Go to hell, old man!

Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough.

Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Yeah, you'd better run. Dear rich doctor nephew, I can help you be funny. The first funny thing you must do is put all your money...

In any case, I'm off.

Larry Bird, what are you doing here? (TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way.

Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING)

Hey, look, a fog is rolling in. No, that's just the Jamaican Pride float. Looks like it's speeding up. Oh, no! It's within munching distance of the Doritos float!

Son, you in a whole mess of trouble.

FYI, this little lady has a heart condition. She's always stealing them! Also, she has a serious heart condition. I'm six years old, and tap dancing is my favoritest thing, even if it's not good for my pacemaker. ALL: Aww!

Hey, you think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, you did. Hey, you trying to steal from the Don-bot? I'm trying, but he's not making it easy.

Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh!

So, what's in the box already? No peeking!

I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the--

How bad is it, Doctor? Super bad. It's Tritonian hyper-malaria. A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though. You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel! (SIGHING)

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me. Uh, do you think you could be just a little less evil than that? I don't know.

And it's all your fault! Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham.

Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men.

He did give us eternal youth. Twenty-four hour Laundromat. A full assortment of rum, both spiced and regular. Truly, it was a paradise. And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan. Let's get the hell out of here.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

Survivor, Pat Benatar, the Scorpions-- the list goes on. That clover helped my rat fink brother steal my dream of going into space. Now I'll never get there. You went there this morning for doughnuts.

Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing?

Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable. Heck, it's more than acceptable, it's adequately satisfactory.

I say, get the hell off me. That guy sounds familiar.

Right here, buddy.

With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth is experiencing the devastating effects... of sudden intense global warming. Morbo is pleased, but sticky. The scorching heat has melted the polar ice caps, causing floods of biblical proportion.

Geez, I'd better be a little more careful. I don't want to hit on anybody I already had sex with. (BELL DINGING) Hiya, Bella. Hi, Mom. What about you? You're my third choice. (GIGGLES) (BELL TOLLS)

You'll have to kill me for it! (EXCLAIMING) Just stop, you two! I've had that reed for 20 years! It's irreplaceable!

If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

I'll miss ya, meat bag. Me too, meat bag.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete.

We'll meet again

I'm so sorry I teased you back then. Let me make it up to you. I can fix it so no one ever makes fun of you again. You mean, by beating them up? Because I've broken that blind kid's nose, like, ten times, and it doesn't make any difference. No, I specialize in phaser eye surgery.

There, there. You're just having a midlife crisis. Midlife crisis, eh? Lrrr demands the comfort of pop-psychological platitudes! Look, hoss, your wife threw you out. That's your license to be a jerk. Do whatever the hell you want, then walk away and light a cigar.

The old comedians were right. This place is a lot different from L.A. Pardon me. Did I overhear you say you used to live here? That's right. Did you know Andy Goldman? Yeah. He was my neighbor. Why? I mutated from him! Get outta here! What's Andy up to these days?

The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it--

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles!

You disgust me. Go on.

Yo! The superheroes have turned evil. Most uncool. Get 'em! Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you... using superpowers!

Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

We're just trying to be cool like Bender. Yeah. And it's not even working. Smoking and drinking make us barf. Gentle jerk-wads, I know how to emulate Bender without barfing. We could commit a burglary! Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle! Hold up, though. Who could we rob?

nice, long, dinner table quiet, well-behaved spiders... graveyard adjacent. Yep, it's going to be... What is it? That painting. The eyes are watching me. Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors.

They think they have a good union, but they don't.

(SNORING LOUDLY) Yes, sir, I will be sure to snore that science lamp right away. (SNORING)

I tell ya, two go-go '80s Reaganauts like us, we could rule this world! No question. If only someone would give us a shot. They're scared of our raw power. Oh, but if you want a job, I could beg everyone at the company where I work. Awesome. Awesome to the max!

For 30 years, we've shared the adventure of managing Romanticorp. Not to mention the adventure of marriage. Oh, you have got to be kidding. Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean,

And I said I'd try my very best. But have they seen your, you know, physique since the old days? I described it to them on the phone using a series of artful euphemisms. Don't worry. The fat pig will do fine, thanks to this flabbo-dynamic spandex bodysuit I've designed.

Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you? You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect! I'm not an effect! You doubt my power?

He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that? Phew!

Wow, I love symposia. It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention and the best one wins the academy prize. Sounds boring. Oh, my, yes, but not this year because my latest invention is unbeatable. Behold...

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo!

Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers. Can't we resolve our differences some other way?

If you'll excuse me. Quick!

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it!

At that point, our skin becomes a semipermeable membrane... which allows the passage of genetic material. I held Amy's hand, and voilÀ. Well, okay, but that better be all there is. Oh, Amy, you'll be a mother!

You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became!

(BEEPING ACCELERATING) The machines, they're after me. You're suffering from machine phobia. Your only hope is to go to the Amish Home World, where no machines are allowed. (SIGHS) I guess it's for the best. BENDER: Whoo... The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what?

What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes.

Look, Zoidberg, you're a loyal friend. "Friend"?

Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely.

Farewell, Nikolai. Wait! I'm not Nikolai! I'm Bender, the fabulous body-switching burglar. So you are. However, you do have Nikolai's body, and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING)

That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow.

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

You can tell them apart by their colors, red and blue. Which gang's red, and which gang's blue? Both! The delivery is going to the Blips. So when you meet them, you'll want to be wearing these jerseys. Not these jerseys. 'Cause if you're wearing these, you'll be killed on the spot.

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow!

(FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it? Well, why is those things? (GASPS) You mean, you don't remember?

much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

So, you really and truly love me? So much so that I'm prepared to give up show business itself to be with you. But you always said you'd rather burn down a convent than give up show business. I always said many things.

It's not the year 4000. You were only frozen for two days. Uh, by the way, I broke your bed. You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening. But when they noticed that you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch.

Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in.

Maybe there's another way.

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah! Everyone, join us.

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o!

Let what must be done be done.

And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS)

Yep. Buzzed ahead, let 'em know whose aide was comin' by.

Singing butts boil? That's yesterdays's news. Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway. Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation.

Who's the gross nerd?

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert.

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry, and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you.

Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Prepare to be surprised. So this is where they stick old people. It's horrific. At least it keeps them from driving.

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum.

Good news, everyones. After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news.

up! Isn't this fun? No! I wish I had two mommies!

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho! Don't you ever stop to think before you speak? I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy!

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now.

I was out fleeing some robots and the silvery moonlight glinting off their bloody claws made me think of you. It's been a long time you pus-dripping sack of double-smoked butt jerky. Uh-huh. May I come in? Never!

(SEWAGE BUBBLING) (VEHICLES HONKING) Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses.

just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around.

but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. (ALL GASP) I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor.

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes.

Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender! Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone. Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas?

And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is,

Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it!

Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming, searching, questing, and shortly, it will rend my loins in twain, burst forth, and pull us down, down, down... into the deep, dark waters of commitment. That's so beautiful!

I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

The doctor is in. The doctor is out.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Pfft. You humans always say you don't want to see violence, but you know you do. I defy you not to watch.

Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us mafiolios. There's no way I'm letting go of that money! (STRAINING) Told you. (GROANS) (CRYING)

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work.

But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

That's right. I've sent you each 300 buckaroos in the form of a Tricky Dick fun bill. Knock yourselves out! Whoo-hoo! I'm slightly richer! What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots?

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag!

What am I doing?! What have I become?!

Harold Zoid? Was this written by the Harold Zoid? Written and xeroxed. Good heavens.

a soothing, full-body bath in searing hot tar. Sir, it's not necessary, or wise, to be naked. You sound just like my tennis instructor. Ooh! Uhh!

So long, coffin-stuffers! Could one of you coffin-stuffers please carry me?

The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer. Mark jones in How Beige Was My jacket. And, instead of the fifth guy-- Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

Lovely. Just lovely. New topic. Can I have your autograph, and also you tell me everything you know about folk singing, and I'll take your guitar, too? Old Salmonella? Son, I ought to kill you for asking.

Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

And another thing.

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week." In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent. Meow.

He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself. Obviously you've never been in love. Huuh! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow!

how 'bout a hand for my temporary replacement assistant? I was all in this part. It's magic. You are not fit to wear Fry's leotard! Stop!

(URGING) Whoa, whoa, there, girl. Go on, now! Get on back to Paraguay! (BRAYING)

How are you going to live without a body? Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it.

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something.

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

Here's your homework, you lucky knob. And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover,

Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here. (RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart.

Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee! The only thing that keeps me sane... is the thought that I have all eternity... in which to perfect my art.

Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent!

By a scallop's forelocks. What's with all the beer, Fry? Alcohol fuels my power cells. And as a mighty robot, I-- Beep. Thanks for helpin' me escape, Bender. Ah, it was nothin'.

They had their chance. Let's go! ZAPP: Mind if I appear? Welcome to the Hidey House. Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid.

I guess it's just me and you, chicken hat. Die, you primitive brute!

"Death by sonic diarrhea." Oh-ho, you don't want that. Look, I don't know about your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible. Sign the paper. And now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor.

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun.

(CHUCKLES) (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty?

It's so tragic.

Holy camoly! The house I grew up in! It's still there! Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place.

Hey, great idea. But those girls don't wear cases.

(GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see,

Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones. Aah! Aah!

I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see. Now I get it. Now the pieces are falling into place.

This is the exact location of the dump, but there's nothing here. BENDER: (SIGHS) Can we please go home and die now? I'm with Bender. Whatever was here has been covered by centuries of ice buildup. No! It's under here somewhere! We just have to bust our way down. Remember the code of the ice. Thin and crispy, way too risky!

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra! Yeah, but did you ever play Jenga?

Oh, I'm so bad at this.

That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags.

That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus. On Earth, freedom is a given. But on my planet, we have to suffer for it. Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor... if you want your parents to roll over in their graves!

You may have eluded the authorities, but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor. (GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down.

I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit.

What are you gonna do, kick me out? (DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you

This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart. Well, nothing to do now but repopulate the human race. just me and you. And maybe you.

(SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone. I guess I'm happy for him. And honestly, Francis is a way better friend than Bender ever was. Hey, where is Francis?

- What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax. She can't be my grandmother. I figured it all out. Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look! Come back to bed, dearie.

I'll take care of this. Bender, do something.

The secret was scratchin' really, really hard. And now, the woman who "mom-opolizes"... the robot industry--

You're nothing but a big blowhard. Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up! Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going?

These security tapes record everything at Planet Express, including the ship, shower and urinals. And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela.

'Cause I think Alcazar's hiding something from you. Listen, Leela, you may not like it. You may not believe it. You may not want to hear it. But Alcazar's a jerk. He's bad for you. He-- I know. You do? Fry, if it's obvious to you with your learning disability then, of course, it's obvious to me. He's crude and gross, and he treats me like a slave.

Once upon A time I waS falling in love But now I'm only falling apart Oh, that's so emotional. there'S nothing i can do A total eclipse of the heart Amateur hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog. Hit it.

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS) You can do it, Son.

(GROANING) You see, after re-trapping you and before feigning unconsciousness,

Fry, help! She's turning me into a parade float.

(ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right...

Hello? Anybody home?

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners. It's global warming. "Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah.

Is that all you got? Hyah!

I'm in disguise 'cause I'm thinkin' of escapin'. You in? Or do I gotta kill ya so ya don't squeal? I'm in! I'm in! So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up.

As a pitcher, I serve up plenty of beanballs, so I know good beans when I see them. Bean-Bay Beans. They're the beaniest. Cut! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean!

Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

Check out these abs. Yowza! But who's doing all this for you?

sewer cake and Safeway ice cream. (SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff. Who's in the mood to party? Whoo! (GROANS) Poor Leela. I feel like I ruined her life.

Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it? Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it!

You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry? I don't know. Last I saw, he was jumping up and down in my meat grinder. By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted!

The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo!

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me! Okay, just try to be nonchalant.

I can't stand idly by while poor people get free food.

Washbucket full. Scruffy's work here is done.

The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a...

What? It was? Hooray!

(ANGRY YELLING)

Bender, you'll let me know if we have to cheese it, right? First law of robotics, baby.

Can we have the week off? No! Please? Come on, Captain. Oh, all right. No time off! Oh, man.

How do you like me now?!

The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.

I never learned a good smell from a bad smell, but I like the way you smell, because I like you. BOTH: Mmm...

Hello? Anybody home?

I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks. They're called pants.

From those humble beginnings, Leela went on to become a county certified starship captain.

See you on the other side.

I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

She's a hateful monster, this Morgan. She scolded and hit me. I tell you, she's risking my friendship with her.

(BURPS) Two, if I've been eating broccoli. All existence is just a chess game, and I can see 50 moves ahead. Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender.

- You all obey a big computer? - Yes. It appear mysteriously just about time men die out. So, why did you make it your leader? It seem like different kind of politician. Not Beltway insider. Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps. Your gift pleases Femputer.

You can shove your apology into the bottom of your one-way digestive system.

Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies. We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment.

Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost! Take this, Mr. President, sir! The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor.

I wuv my mommy. Hello, dearies. Mom! It's me, Bender! Look at me! I want attention. Hey, ho!

Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS) You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS)

Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine.

I suppose there could be a minute quantity of petroleum left, but it would be insanely deep within the Earth at pressures so dangerously high... (HORN HONKING) Let's go, already!

By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation... for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice. Oooh! Hey, chief, you screwed up. There's nothing in here. Oh, it might appear empty, but the message is clear.

Wow! Ow. Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors-- the Mobile Oppression Palace! Neat!

I'm sorry, Fry but I have to install your career chip. Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do.

(ROMANTIC POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler. - Nice work, Boiler. - Thanks. And call me Bender.

She's nuts! In a few moments,

Mr. Derisgreat? Mr. Ben Derisgreat?

Look here. Hunting is a team effort,

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days.

I guess I'll have to eat this raw, dripping ham by myself. Nibbler? Nibbler, you're scaring me.

(ALL CHEERING) Thank you so... Okay, thanks. Thanks so... Settle down! So, anyway, we're really excited to show you guys the pilot for our new series.

What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent. I'm truly sorry. I consider myself a reasonable man. Quick with a joke, slow to anger. But Bender can't go on long car trips anymore, and I say Zoidberg must die.

Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone That was A washboard brain Whoo! Oh, yeah! Yeah!

just give me a back rub. I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos." Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory. You know you love it, sugar engine. No! Bender! What's going on in here?

The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later. Ticktock. Sir, all planetary defenses have been disabled.

Oh, my. There. How do I look? Like a cheap French harlot. French?

Data error! Do not compute! Whoo-hoo! Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

"Blood... thicker... water." Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Good-bye. Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement.

Hey, huh? Pretty nice for a single. Two desks, two chairs, a couple of beds a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate.

I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one.

This society is a bunch of idiots.

Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing--

One, two! one, two, three!

It's time to get to work. Yes, Miz Leela, tote that space barge lift that space bale. Now, we can't land on the surface because those robots would kill Fry and me. So, we'll have to stay up here and lower you with the winch. Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans.

(BURPING) The nectar causes their bodies to produce female butterfly hormones, building up their flapping muscles, but also making them irresistibly attracted to Fry. (EXASPERATED SIGH) The only way to end this madness is for the ladies to quit, cold turkey. Whoa, whoa. Let's not shock their system.

Who's the gross nerd? That's me, at the very first symposium. I'm the academy's oldest living member, you know. These youngsters all look up to me. Well, well, well... look who decided to show his wrinkled face. Why don't you just leave me alone, Wernstrom? Face it, Farnsworth, you're over the hill.

Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser. Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

Mr. Nimoy! I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago. I can't believe your show was banned. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

So humans have easily injured knees. My race will find this information very useful indeed.

Hello! What's all this then?

Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day,

Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts, but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber!

Grabby and Squeezy? Never! I love these guys! Well, is there anything else you would part with? No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen. Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people! And all it cost me was my crotch plate.

Oh. This guy. Bender, for your selfless act in saving Fry, I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon?

Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh! What a weird dream.

No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye.

Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this! Shotgun! Shotgun! Aww!

At ease, men. I am at ease. Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook? I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining?

Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back. I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear.

Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING)

just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor. Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away. You saved me a trip to the dump! Bam! I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady.

I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines.

- No. - Oh, thank God! It's all about appearances. That's why it's time to update our company's stodgy image... and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer... of the 1980s!

Hey, you like bananas? I got her number. How do you like them bananas? Ooh! And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade.

Leela is right. I don't want to end up a loser like her. Count me back in. Let's see what you got. Touch your toes. Still... can't... reach. Hi-yah!

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true.

I want me some Tennessee loopy juice! And I want loose women! The kind that aren't afraid to show a little ankle. (WHISPERING) Or elbow. No visitors. I'll lose my job. Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes!

Item one: Box. Check. Item two: Sun.

And now, the woman who "mom-opolizes"... the robot industry-- I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it.

(GASPING) (GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey!

Man, how long is this going to take? I'm still waiting on my birth certificate.

Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it. I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate."

Get out. Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay.

What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S. Identity confirmed. Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room.

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

Oh, no, I've got it, too! (ALL GRUMBLING) My nose is all gunked up with blork. And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy created by a schoolteacher.

Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it! Tsk-tsk-tsk. Who was that guy? Your mama. Now shut up and drag me to work.

She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat. Okay, start.

this mindless turtle. Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

Here's the entrance. From this moment on, I declare my bad luck officially over. Waaa-aaaah! He was fun. Well, if we get bored looking for the clover,

Help! I was attacked in my bathroom! By my bathroom! I'm being haunted by a ghost!

It takes more than that to surprise me. Bender. (YELLS) What you doing, little buddy? Ah, yeah, Uncle Bender, he's your friend. (GROWLING) (SCREAMS) Huh? Oh...

Aw... what's the point?!

Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho! So lock the door and hit the floor 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight.

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh? Oh! My eye! I'm blind! Bam!

But at long last, I've found something I'm willing to die for-- this mindless turtle. Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

So, I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever.

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls.

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes.

Aye! We're hitched up tighter than Davey jones's U-Haul. At ease, men. I am at ease. Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

My whole life I've been mad at him, and it wasn't his fault.

I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women.

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to.

And so it is my pleasure today, to nail her picture... alongside those of our most distinguished alumni. Thank you very much. - Like many of you, I never knew my parents. - Give me a--

No! I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass. Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?!

That was the worst delivery ever. Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit!

What's wrong, Fry? I don't know. This place is great and all but it's just so artificial. The gravity, the air, the gophers. You might as well stay on Earth.

Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking. Stop that! Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha! Fry, you idiot.

Wife, Son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING)

Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

and drinking! I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive. I wish I could come with you to say good-bye... before you all turn back into grown-ups. But I'm grounded for knocking the school over. Who cares, Leela? It was just a public school. Now, go with your friends, please.

Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am. It's that hot, it is! Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off.

Now, I'm going to be sporting and give you one more chance to run. Thanks. Nothing's more important than sportsmanship.

so I'm preparing my entry of pickled winds and weathers. I've got sunny, snow flurries, hail with onions, even my grandmother's cranberry-raisin typhoon, but no tornado. I'll be damned if I let Mrs. Girdleson take the blue ribbon again.

Instead, they will eat only a single human of their choice.

We got to get some dirt on this Travers guy. Really McGovern him up. You know who McGovern was, right? I don't even know who you are. Hello, dirt.

it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING)

I put sunblock on you.

(CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

I'll go too-- with Leonard's permission, of course. We're entering the Omega system. Warning. You are now in forbidden space. Forbidden, schur-schmidden. What are they gonna do, write a letter?

All right, bird. You thought you could beat me in a game of wits but you just met your equal.

Come on, let's all sing "Happy Birthday." What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake.

Keep going. Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission.

Now we'll see who loves whom.

So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future. Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line. Ah! the probulator's done. Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet.

As long as nothing happens for the next 15 minutes, our insurance will be reinstated. So, let's just sit quietly and run out the clock. (SHRIEKING) A giant sausage! (ALL GASPING) Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage!

feed your head...

You can't count on God for jack! He pretty much told me so himself.

which of you is the victim? And that secret I shall take to my grave. Calculon, no! (GROANING) (CALCULON CHOKING) Now, that's acting.

Your Honor, we have reached a verdict. We find the defendant... guilty.

I agree. This has to stop. Oh... My guts feel kind of weird. I'm not surprised.

Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain!

Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Multi-ball! Multi-ball!

You're nothing but a pompous windbag who lost touch with genuine emotion years ago. The sad fact is, we should have left you dead, because you can't possibly do a scene like this.

(SOBBING) (GASPS) (GASPING) (BREATHES DEEPLY) Leela. You're alive. (GRUNTS)

how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination?

if you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke

He's too surprising.

(METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control. Addendum. Whoa! NARRATOR: And now, back to The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan. Chapter Two. The heat thickens.

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

(FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than... AUTOMATED VOICE: Low battery. But don't take my word for it. Unbiased-Reviews.mom says Twitcher is the killer app.

(SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor? He's... He's dead. It does look that way.

By the way, I saved your stuff. So that's where those skin flakes went. Hmm. You think this fruit tree's going to get enough light? There's a window in the closet. Whoa. This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet?

Whoa! Real comfy. Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls.

Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else

I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute.

Whatever you do, you must not disturb the aggressive male. He can be identified by his orange coloration and enormous butterjunk. What's he gonna do, migrate at us? (LAUGHING) Silence! I can't be specific about the danger, since if something different happens, I might be liable for damages.

A Burger jerk or a Fishy joe's or a Chiseler or something. Don't get your hopes up. We're a billion miles from nowhere. Yeah, it's probably only got a Howard johnson's. Well, it's a Type "M" planet so it should at least have roddenberries. I'm experienced at foraging.

Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies. We demand justice. As you ate our children, so shall you be eaten by us.

Yah! Whaa! Hee! Ha! Ye-ow!

Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men. (ALL CHUCKLING) But seriously, there are Moon Men. (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, this year's Nerd Search runner-up is a young man who devised a way to add and subtract in zero gravity.

The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership. Zoidberg, get lost. I am lost. So long.

You go first. I don't want you locking me out there like HAL. Still don't trust me, huh? Well, you can take your lack of trust and jam it in your kidney hole. The only person I trust is myself. Help! I forgot my magnetic shoes!

Your gasps intrigue me. Explain. Martians have no land. They've been gently encouraged... to live on reservation deep underground. No one ever dare go there. This mission is incredibly dangerous. Someone's sure to be killed. Fry, Leela, Bender-- Damn you, old man!

Hey, fatso, stuffa you face! (GASPS) This thing always seems to know when I got the munchies! Attention, followers. It's free topping day at the pizza place across the street! Send. Duh! That's why we all came over here for lunch. Send.

Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years. I can't wait that long. I've got ADD. This is so unfair.

Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit!

Say it in Russian. Ven vee voke up, vee had these wah-dies.

Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood. Nah, I like my victims to know who did it.

You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two.

Mommy, why do the robots give you presents? Shove a big old melon in it! I'm talking! Ow.

My magic fingers still know how to do their stuff. To escape the robot death squads we'll take Mother to her rustic cabin in the Bronx. You can get there using this precious non-computerized map. Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks. The professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx.

I don't think any of us can understand... how those poor, oil-drenched penguins feel. Oily humanoid. At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99. Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

And that's why you'll never make captain, Kif. Hmm.

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww. Hmm. Hmm.

Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack! Impossible! We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove! It appears we are in the presence of the fabled one. But without his Scooty-Puff jr., he cannot escape. Huh?

Male, scientist, fond of crazy contraptions. Accepted! Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later!

(GROANS) Let me try, Headless Clone of Agnew. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) Damn thing just won't turn over. It's like Pat on a Sunday morning. Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth.

And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself! (CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me!

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots.

Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

and they can make sure you don't... (MIMICS CORK POPPING)

Attention, passengers. Please remain seated until the plane comes to a complete crash. (EVERYONE SCREAMING) Perhaps we should reconsider the girlie calendar.

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes.

ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City. She needs to reset. I'll say it to her face. No wonder traditional media is dead. Check out this webisode of Hypnotoad.

You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

(SHUDDERS) I am experiencing arousal. My organs are moving into position.

Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin, containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing.

Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering. Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots-- Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits.

Oh, all right. To the garment district!

But in case you didn't notice, I'm a robot. So? What if something heavy fell on you, like a church? You could still die. Nuh-uh! My wireless backup unit saves a copy of me every day. So, if my body gets killed, big whoop, I just download into another body. I'm immortal, baby.

Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there.

I do go. He's a very important man. So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it.

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are-- Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation.

Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite.

So, Amy, um-- Well, uh-- It's always a line with you. What planet is this anyway? I don't know. This whole sector is uncharted.

The important thing is we're all together for Xmas and even though I'm surrounded by robots and monsters and old people I've never felt more at home. Hear, hear. Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Ordinarily, Billy would work hard... to make money with his paper route. Then he'd use the money to buy dinner for Mavis, thus earning a slim chance to perform the reproductive act. But in a world where teens can date robots, why should he bother? Why should anyone bother? Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later.

No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid. (BUZZER SOUNDING) Damn it! Analysis complete.

Oh, no, you won't! I refuse to eat an unborn animal. I'm going to keep this egg safe and warm and secure until it hatches out into the world. And then I'm going to eat it. Ain't nothing like a postcard coming from your own mind Your own mind

You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you.

I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you.

Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services? Uh, what do I have to do? Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you. Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant. (RETCHES) Save it for the boudoir!

Why do I have to be the hump? 'Cause you're too ugly to be a wart.

Whoa! My home! It burned down! How did this happen? That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

(COUGHING) (WHISPERS) Send.

the holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar. That's just a fake holiday you make up every year to get out of work. Yeah. If it's real, how come there's no song that explains how to celebrate it? Because there is. Hit it. Hit what? I placed instruments under your seats.

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven. After lengthy femputations,

Where to, ladies? Please, sir, let's just divide up the check and-- Let's see what this eatery can do. Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

and if I loved robot Leela, too, well, that's only 'cause she had so much of real Leela in her. I thought she loved me, too, but, obviously, I was wrong as usual. Wrong again. You were right. Leela? Leela-Leela? Leela-Leela.

As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality. Way to overact, Zoidberg. And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

What's this water made of, ice? Forget this!

How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work, and it's all thanks to Qbert.

My whole life I've been mad at him, and it wasn't his fault.

Well, that was pointless.

common cold and... Um, uh... Squidification? If you say so. Wait a second. How could beans possibly cure her? Because they're magic! They fell from the sky! Oh, now you tell me!

- What do you want? - Fry's dog! - When do you want it? - Fry's dog! Yea!

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe. Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm! What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you?

There. That time I left both lanterns in place. And I hit Farnsworth much, much harder. Perhaps too hard. Look, all the presidents are back. Even John Tyler. That's the first time anyone's spoken to me in 1,200 years.

More like episode nine, loser!

You know the answer, you scurvy bastard! Maybe I have been selfish, hiding my ass under a bushel. Perhaps, like all great men, my ass has a destiny. And if it does, I can't stand in its way.

(AUTOMATED VOICE READING) Also, you have a rectangular mass in your colon. That's a calculator. I ate it to gain its power. You locate Inspector 5 while I slip into my ass-kicking feet. (GASPS) Sweet file-not-found of Puget Sound. His record's been blanked. Oh, man!

Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up.

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what? Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then? It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window.

it's supposed to be about the filing People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats No, that's what Almighty jah made us

Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word. By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation... for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice. Oooh!

That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

(HARPOON LOADING)

Also, the males are layin' eggs. This man has over-gasped.

Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone.

If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

ergo, they are legally the same person.

Oh, the sorrow! Oh, the shame! I'm sorry. I'm probably just making you feel worse. As long as Amy is with me in my heart, I will have the strength of two.

You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person? Uh-oh, jealousy.

All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses. Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't?

Here we are-- your new home. Cool. You know, I've never even seen a robot's apartment before. Come on in. I'll give you the tour.

I'm scared to death! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Stop being ridiculous. There's no such thing as whatever you're saying. Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho...

It makes you think. No, it doesn't.

Um, uhh. Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow!

Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny. Why always the fighting? Your eye just needs some rest.

It's beautiful. Hey, what's that?

Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage.

You stink, loser!

Sir, who is this boy's legal guardian? You're porkin' at him. Then the charges apply to you, too. What? (BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too!

I'd like to make one final statement. Kiff, come here and hold up the flag.

Mmmm! Are you back to your original age, Professor? Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes.

Thank you. Bender's medal. It melted in the fire. Wait a second. You can't keep me here forever.

Yo, ABBA, what's that next door? That's the Germ Warfare Repository. It's so close. Is there any chance of cross-contamination?

(ALL GASPING) Fry?

After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed. Well, except for a few broken bones,

joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution. Mon, you had one hell of a day. Yeah, but I learned something. Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine.

Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age!

Remember the code of the ice. Thick and blue, tried and true, thin and crispy, way too risky. Shows what you know. Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky. (EXCLAIMS)

That's normal. Next patient!

Better mascots than you have tried. At least I still have my self-respect.

Human emotion no longer concerns me. But Randy said... Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender.

No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy. Not without our help.

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs?

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know.

Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder.

No! Are you people satisfied? This gentle visitor is dying and we'll never even know why he came.

Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity. Please, no! Come on!

Hey, where's my shoes?

My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you.

Smells nice, too. Better than me? Aw, yeah. Courtesy of Mr. Bender. Nice job, Bender. You passed the test. You want to join me, Clamps and joey Mousepad at our, uh, social club tomorrow night?

I'm the star of the show. Shh. And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump. ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

You suck! According to regulations, both companies must approve the takeover. Planet Express shareholders, cast your votes. Great banda of Uganda! We can vote against it! I'll vote it down like a raise for schoolteachers!

You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell!

(EXCLAIMS) Whoever you are, you're the bravest robot I've ever seen. I like killing brave things.

I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk. Leela was so distraught, she went all Blade Runner and built a duplicate. Then, uploaded Fry's personality from the urinal surveillance tapes. I sure love Leela.

I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at night and eat them at their human brunches.

Sweden? I don't think so!

That's the ship's diamond filament tether. It's unbreakable. Then why do I have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother.

Smoke one of these, and God himself will ask to be seated far away from you. Ooh! Heirloom eggs? That's so life-affirming. I'll bet you run your own hatchery, just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest.

What the-- I neglected to mention that the shares... I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control. Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper!

And this is my universal translator. Unfortunately, so far, it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language. Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish.

Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome.

No, you're disgusted by me! I'm as attracted to you as I've ever been! Prove it! (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day.

Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah. If I ever want to go back to the year 2000 I'll just freeze myself again. Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time...

puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous. Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.

Oh, yeah! Great!

I'm Butch, leader of this place. I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it. Okay. Mighty sir, we have nowhere to go. Could we please join your society? Well... all right.

In theory, it could work. Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap. Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up

I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths.

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas. Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole.

Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering. Ah, right, you can't hear me. Oh, I hear you loud and clear. (GASPS) You're not Granny Hester. What have you done with Granny Hester? She's naked but unharmed. And now, Bender, it's time to fulfill your end of the deal.

Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela

(COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp. I know, but some strange force drew me to New New York town.

What? We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely. Crippling pain? That's not covered by my insurance fraud. Count me out. No, you've got to do it. I don't care how suicidal it is. Hey, how come when I want to do fun stuff that will kill me, you're against it?

That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots. Not right when they're kissing my ass. Whoa, dawg. just cold chill.

Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them!

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page. Survived a heart attack?

Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action. It's my first time. I'm really nervous.

Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood.... Aw!

Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years.

He's the evil Bender.

but I guess everything worked out in the end.

We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored! Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking! Fry, it's been three days. And even if you stay here the rest of your life, there is virtually no chance of finding him.

No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this.

I'm sorry, but if it's fun in any way, it's not environmentalism. Oh, really? How 'bout blowin' up dams? Yeah, that is fun.

(SIGHS) Long ago, Zoidberg and I entered into a secret arrangement relating to certain extraordinary events too horrible to reveal.

Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Yes. There's no safer occupation than mining, especially when you're perched on a snowball, whipping through space at a million miles an hour. Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Two! Two magic beans! (GRUNTS) You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans! Oh! "Fry, you big dummy"? Very much so.

I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar! I have got to quit drinking.

It's like magic but with electricity. First we put on our protective suits. Then place the body equidistant from the five nearest wireless network hubs. This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen. You be quiet!

Hey, what's that? Is it drugs? Nah, it ain't drugs. But it's a lot like drugs. It's called spark.

Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Bender, this world isn't good enough for you. Not even close. Good-bye, everybody! Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead!

Here he is! Come and get him! You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal.

(ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

Quiet! Quiet, I say!

"I will now make my closing statement. "With my fiancÉ deceased "I hereby return "to my single female lawyer career no matter what any man says." "We find the defendant vulnerable yet spunky." And... cut!

Professor, I have analyzed the aliens' movements with this movement analyzer. That device was a gift from my ancestors. Go on. It seems their movements are a form of language. Rather than speaking... FARNSWORTH: English! ...like us, they speak by dancing. Of course! Having no mouths or ears, they could only communicate through motions. Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate.

For the first time in my life, I feel like... I've stolen enough. Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man. You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

MALE VOICE: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan. Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board out of this mechanical goat.

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect! It's a desolate, ugly, little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions?

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong.

(ALL GRUMBLE) Seriously.

Whoa. That sounds like something Amy would say and eat. I am Amy. Leela and I used the Professor's mind-switching machine. So Leela's in your body? (IN LEELA'S VOICE) Not exactly. (EXCLAIMS IN FEAR) Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir!

I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage.

Come on, girdle. Hold.

I'm Claudia Schiffer's head.

When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter.

And the car. Ah, the years. So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies. Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years.

Well, anyway, just remember that people care about you. I know. Sometimes, when I'm lonely, I look up at the sky, and I get this feeling... that somewhere on some unknown planet circling a distant star, my parents are up there, looking down on me.

Come out with your hands up! hostages!

viewer eyeball focus was up 90%. But, sir, children watch this show. Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is-- being filthy rich, that is!

Ooh! I'm gonna wash my linens so hard, the w--

Host man, host woman, I'm having a wonderful time. You here five hours and already you tear up couch, draw mustache on priceless painting and fill pool with brine shrimp. Not bad for a city boy, huh? By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oomp! Pfft. Tourist.

Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners. Sound Effects 5000, you'll be with Cranski. (IMITATING SOUND OF CROWD CHEERING) My tinnitus! Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement.

All the coolest robots are in this fraternity. Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds.

I'll let you invade the easiest planet in the whole galaxy.

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

causing fever, spasms, madness, coma, and finally death. What? Supermodel! Oh! Those poor, doomed bastards. I guess it's up to me to complete the mission.

So, how about them Knicks?

Sorry, mister, but I'm no Bender. I'm just a simple farmer. Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You. Aren't you getting this?

We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology!

Scruffy, what is that tiny Bender doing in my soup? It appears to be giving you the finger, sir. Enjoy. Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow!

Hey, wait. You've been doing an awful lot of urinating. (GROANING) There's plenty of water. You see, after I selflessly rescued the trail mix, I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer!

(KNUCKLES CRACKING) Will you come on? (TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

(ALL GROAN) And now to transfer your planet's rotational energy to my home world.

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor.

I can never repay him his $10,

Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me. You invented the free will unit, then you selfishly hid it beyond the reach of my stealers.

Please select mode of death: "Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible." Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice.

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh! No.

You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like.

Right there! But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

Stupid can opener! You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal! Don't yell at Nibbler like that.

I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table. The captain's table. What an honor.

Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug!

The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and--

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you? They're like crunchy, green water. I don't like them! They're icky-yuckie!

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock? It ain't so hard. (SCREAMS) (EXCLAIMS)

I can't believe it! I love you! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio.

Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject.

Ten minutes ago? Oh! (BEEPING) (ALARM SOUNDING) Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here?

Lottery ticket, please. We're ready for the first audition! Emote-atron jr.? Hold on, precious. Let's make you look nice for the lady. What's this? What did I tell you? No more hanging wires!

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you.

Whoa! Even with harps, that's still the famous Oktoberfest Chicken Dance! (CROWD MOANING IN DISGUST) Oh, I almost forgot! (CLUCKS) Get das booty up here, Leela!

Amazing grace... How... (ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times.

Folks, it's worse than we thought. Seems dark matter is nature's sex drug. It's like a perverted trail mix of penguin estrogen, penguin Viagra and Spanish penguin fly.

I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late,

Uh-oh. What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter!

This way! Oh! Oh! She's gaining on us.

Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. Oh, marmalade!

Would you censor the Venus de Venus...

I won't keep you.

I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

Bender, shush. You're supposed to be dead. Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

No! I can't look.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters?

You know, doing this jigsaw puzzle of a pacifier factory... makes me want to have children with you all the more. Adlai, I was thinking. Since we're both orphans, maybe we should adopt a child. Adoption? Yes, that's acceptable.

(GASPS) (CROWD GASPS) (BOTH GROANING) (CROWD CHEERING) Yay. They can move their arms. Congratulations to our gutsy, non-paralyzed challengers.

What kind of lazy ending is that? I'm not gonna put that in my song. Hey, I have a cool idea. Create a duplicate Bender, so when Big Caboose kills it, it's not real, it's duplicate. Oh! Oh! They did that on Star Trek, TNG. Cram it, nerd. I'm not going to just copy some feel-good TV show wrap-up.

Look, the clock says 5:08. It's 4:30 right now. Uh-oh. We only have a half hour to chill out before we head over. (CHIRPING) Oh, Hattie. When I look into your one good eye, I see a reflection of beauty. Fresh.

The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well.

Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

What do you call them? We haven't thought of a name yet. They're tasty, right? Let's call them Tasticles. We can't call them that. Why not? It sounds too much like those frozen Rocky Mountain oysters on a stick. You know, Testsicles.

Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman. Oh, my, yes... incredibly wealthy. The day I die... because you're so un-impulsive.

He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all,

Boy, who knew a cooler could also make a handy wang coffin? - Mind if I stick these in here? - Go for it. Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad, but I still have a trump card. The most beautiful love song ever written.

Sean was uneducated, unambitious-- - He was pasty and hunched-- - Pretty boy. But when he played, I could sense this incredible, beautiful, creative soul. Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt. I couldn't believe that-- That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on her couch,

At least I still have my self-respect.

but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat. (YELLING) What's going on? How did we save you?

(SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and...

We did it. Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

You can't force me to operate. Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.

I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy. Wake up, Mr. Fry.

Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water."

(RUMBLING) The world outside the dream is cracking apart. Like a delicious frozen Charleston Chew! Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight...

Look at him bring in the sheep. One sheep, two sheep-- Three sheep. The dog's good. But our real competition is the hypno-toad.

Fry, you're wasting your life sitting in front of that TV. You need to get out and see the real world. But this is HDTV. It's got better resolution than the real world.

Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention! Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

Let's go already

Oh, woN't you take me to funkytown won't you take me to Funkytown - Thank you.

Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing! Aah! Oh!

Uh, uh-- Oh! No.

He's teriyaki-style. Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries.

But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert. Hmm, must be a friend of theirs.

Make it an implosion.

Good news, everyone!

Hmm. Perhaps we can narrow it down by seeing what part of Fry's brain becomes active when he hears it. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (BEEPING) Interesting. I can isolate those tones to a memory Fry formed on December 31, 1999.

As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

Oh, wait. Chlorine. Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus!

(WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING) INEZ: Look, we're your family,

Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me... (GAGGING) Francis? Francis, I have good news! It's time for your first delivery.

Oh, no. The Berry Burglar fired his snowball bomb.

Bender, are you okay? What crazy thing am I gonna date next?

we've got a whole dimension to explore with entirely different laws of physics. Why, watch what happens when I drop this marble. Well, that's the same, but other things are different. Come, look at this two-dimensional bird's nest.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

"Gwoble wappo"? Y-Yeah. Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth. Hello, Earth. Just poppin' in to brighten your day! La la la la la la la And now I'll be on my way.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here.

We just wanted you to be proud of us. Proud of you? You ruined us with sleazy business practices... and a complete disregard for human decency. Of course we're proud of you. Damn right we are! Now, come on! Let's go do a little father-son weaseling out of this.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are--

What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying!

Ho... ho... ho! So lock the door and hit the floor 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight. Go away. Whoa, hold on. How about inviting us in for a traditional glass of hard cider?

Damn you, Fry and Lee-- la! Too late I realize that me children are me only real treasures.

Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill.

Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in.

I'm really sorry I lied, Beck. All I ever wanted was to make music with you. I never meant to hurt anyone, or help anyone. Bender, that's some played-out, new jack horse crap. But I know you don't mean it, so apology accepted. So, I can, uh, keep the check? Over my dead career!

Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry. A new era of justice has begun. What? Attention, all crooks, lowlifes and lawbreakers.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know! These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm having a poker game tonight with some friends from my old cryogenics job. You guys interested? I don't know. I only gamble with chumps. I'll play. I'm in!

It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window. I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side. Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead?

we got to secure for Santa's arrival. just as well. I'm getting tired of this wood show. Cover that fireplace, confound you! I've only a few years to live. I don't want to spend them dead. We're pushing as hard as we can. Oh, pushing!

Is any of this getting through to you? I give up. You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you.

He didn't fly there in another spaceship, did he? Bender? No. He's an old-fashioned, one-spaceship robot. - Look, I'll tell him you stopped by, okay? - Okay. Oh. Hi, Fry. Is he home now?

Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Amy! Before I die,

just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average. Low? It was zero, you fungo. You went your whole career without getting a hit.

How are you? Is he any good?

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag!

There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left.

Don't tell me how to do humble! My humble ranks among the greatest in the history of the universe!

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more:

You miserable dingus! And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance.

Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela? Say again? You're breaking up. Ohh! Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7!

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe.

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Hey, sometimes a guy gets lonely.

Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year.

I'm afraid none. The only treatment is an incredibly expensive operation that just delays the symptoms for a few months. Oh! I wish I'd never been born! (SOBBING) Damn it. Why me? There are still so many things I wanted to let go of!

Look, you want false hope or not? Only if you don't have any real hope.

Guys don't have feelings.

Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

If only the others-- I guess that's my cue. Bill!

You can't step past in this dimension. You have to step around. (MUTTERING MOCKINGLY)

After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord, Fry scored a string of top-ten hits with his rock band Leaf Seven, known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks.

Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave.

We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really?

Hooray! I'm the Fry, with the cool red jacket and the walking on sunshine! But we still need someone to pilot the ship.

I've lost control of the ship! Lost control of the ship!

You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z.

I call the process "science." I'll just need to locate that guitar image on your file system. (GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING) Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture?

Goodbye, cruel me.

but it lasted 500 million years. It's a miracle. Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

It's a coin slot.

Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

Leave him alone.

Well, we're boned. Your turn.

We'll call it Nibbler on the Roof! (ALL CHEER) HERMES: We're saved! I've been thinking a lot about moving on with my life, and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start.

Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat. A VIp tour of the Slurm factory. Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down.

Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it! "Fry and Leela's Ultimate Fate. By Bender." (GROANING NERVOUSLY) It's probably better if we don't know. Mystery of life and whatnot.

Bender, you risked your life to save me. And I'd do it again. And perhaps a third time. But that would be it. - Mmm. - Mmm. When we kiss, I feel like I'm standing waist deep in a pool of cold rising water.

Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time. History needed that second lantern. We'd better stop Paul Revere before... (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky?

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard.

that one was slightly worse. Ah, so far so good on this one. And now, here he is chef, restaurateur, author of Cooking Slugs For Dinner and Cooking Dinner For Slugs... Elzar!

Still a little nervous? (BURPS) She's a nervous wreck!

Sorry, Fry. I already got a double date with arm and hammer.

but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware. NIXON: The sphere then fired some kind of hellish blackout ray. It erased that planet like 18 minutes of incriminating tape.

(GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg. You need an alien hacked to pieces, he's the best there is, in the budget category. Have you ever dissected a Yeti before? (SNICKERS) Himalayan or Neptunian? Tritonian. (GASPS) A Tritonian Yeti? You two aren't up to anything unethical, are you?

Mom! Dad! Leela, please forgive us.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all!

Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug? Poor little guy starved to death. I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad--

Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back. Rich nephew! Come over here... and give your uncle a nice, big meal.

Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me. You invented the free will unit, then you selfishly hid it beyond the reach of my stealers. (STAMMERING) Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those! Now, give up the free will.

and I didn't turn out like you wanted either. You folks still doing all right? Oh, yes, Elzar. Good. 'Cause it turns out I forgot to cook that chicken.

Hobsie, flush those creatures back down the hole they crawled out of. Madam's sewage-seeking missile. (GASPING)

Why are you trying to talk to me? I have no idea. You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished.

- Wha-- - Huh? Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world.

(CATS MEOWING) (STATIC CRACKLING)

This throws my entire perception... of reality into question.

What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed. Why are you trying to talk to me?

Let that be a warning to you. Thank you, Don-bot.

Hiya, hiya, hiya. So what's the deal with airline food? They offer you two choices, but they're always out of one. By the way, we're out of both choices. (ALL GROANING) Shut up and put on four episodes of The Office.

Ow! I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead?

Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb?

I suppose, Captain. I'm not as big a fan of velour as you are. Now, what do you want to do about that unidentified ship?

INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us, that would be great. I don't have a problem! I'm in a happy relationship that just happens to be robosex... You finish that word, you kill your parents! Low wine level detected. Thank you.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet!

Silence, you cur! Puff out that brisket. I should be weeping! I'm not weeping!

Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here. All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him. No! I got a little surprise in store for that guy-- the clamps! Huh? Uh, wait... old spice.

But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

WOrnstrum... Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise!

I get a good vibe from this place--

Are there no further bids for this exquisite galaxy? Sold to the being of inconceivable horror.

Hey, Professor, I'm a flying spaghetti monster. You seriously believe I'm descended from some kind of flightless manicotti? Yes! Oh, please.

All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack. You disobeyed an order so now you have to deliver all 40 pillows by hand. Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well?

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy.

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough! Melllvar, you have to respect your actors. When I directed Star Trek IV, I got a magnificent performance out of Bill... because I respected him so much. And when I directed Star Trek V,

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it.

Yes, you idiot.

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake.

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

Look, there's Macaulay Culkon! He's just not cute since he got puberty installed. Psst! There's that robot child actor who grew up and robbed the convenience store. And there's that robot child actor who grew up and became a convenience store. Lottery ticket, please.

We're all very disappointed in you. I should fire you three right now. But I'm just not that cold-hearted. You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you.

Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process. No kidding, Ford. So then the hooker-bot says "That's not my expansion slot." And my friend says "That's not my gold-plated 25-pin connector."

It might be you.

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

It is cute. Now, our final item: This unopened can of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies, circa 1997. Anchovies? The last known can in existence guaranteed fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000?

We're boned! But we still have one hope, my big televised debate!

Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse. I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth.

"Build-a-Bot Workshop."

I'm feeling less nuts, thank you because tomorrow, I will be depositing my jelly in the cloacal vents of a female if you catch my drift. Who's the lucky lobsterina? I don't know yet but I shall attract one this afternoon with an erotic display. It's amazing that your people can fall in love so fast.

My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Yeah, okay. What's the weather like? The usual. Boiling lead, oceans of lava. So what? Shorts?

Now, Pramala, I know it's scary in that there witness box, but 'tain't no need to fear me. Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn.

but it does say your mother was admitted to the maternity ward. This morning! (GASPS) (SIGHS) I should have known the truth would come out sooner or later. The fact is, I really was born on Earth tomorrow. You see, I'm not from another planet. I'm from the future.

What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days.

Son, philosophy's for thems what don't gotta work for a living. But me, I got a sick child to feed. So if you want to chat, roll up yer sleeves and do some honest labor. I don't wanna chat.

The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING) (SCREAMS) It's attacking me! (GRUNTING) This is a job for Hermberg.

Edna! Ew! My God! The frenzy!

M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head. Yes, it's the apocalypse, all right.

Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down-- Even for a second.

This doesn't taste like old-man water.

So, I've always secretly wondered... what if I was 500 feet tall? Let's watch, shall we?

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here. All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows. No way, jack. You disobeyed an order so now you have to deliver all 40 pillows by hand.

Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire,

She'll never know we're her parents. That's our gift to her. Better we should die than have her learn the shameful truth of her origin. I'm with ya.

Let's see. If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here. Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes.

Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

And we just drink it? Or... Inject it between your toes. Either way works, right?

Ooh! Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from...

Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence.

Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing.

Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned. Hey! Flexo! Get him!

(ALL EXCLAIM IN DISGUST) I just need some beeswax to make Kwanzaa candles.

Don't know where I don't know when But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day

What a nice lady.

Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore. You don't know how things work here. I'm not a little kid, Leela. I grew up in this city. These are my people. What up? Word. See? Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human?

Honestly, Hubert. You and your atomic monsters.

Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one.

News, everyone! Today you're going to Osiris Four... to deliver this enormous sandstone block. I thought something looked different in here.

I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again.

Go, go, go, New justice Team Go, team, go, team Team, team, team Who's the newest justice team The New Justice Team Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday

I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met.

I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it. Do the robot, baby!

Oh! I don't get it. Bonjour. May I offer you a box of wine for the edge of the table? No, thanks. just water, please. Tap water.

aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here. There! No rampaging for you tonight. Wouldn't it make more sense to weld everyone except me to the wall?

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there. (BABY CRYING) LINDA: And the candidate is born! We have a birth. Repeat, we have a birth. (ALL GASPING)

By a vote of six to three, we find that flag-eating is not protected by the Constitution. Oh! Six to three? I beat the spread!

Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over.

I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one. If you want Calculon to double-check his paperwork, press two. Enter now. You have pressed two. No, I didn't.

I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god! Uh! Move. Go. All right. Here's the plan.

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh. Good lord. What is this?

Stop eating them with tangy sweet- and-sour sauce. Stop eating the new Fiesta Poppler Salad. Stop taking advantage of the money-saving 12-pack. Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat--

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic.

But the only gas compressor on this planet is inside Bender's ass. Was that a fart joke? Because I don't find those amusing. No one does. Nevertheless, Bender's gas blaster may be our only hope.

(HOCKING) Nice. All right. Before we head out, I'll be teaming up our new officers with their ironically matched partners.

These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal.

not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring. That's a good one. Ow! This "women only" planet is sounding better and better. I'm already looking for apartments. Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader.

Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby! That's fairly interesting! Note the blue coloration of the... Of all the creatures in the Galapagos,

Which reminds me... Leela, perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me in case one of us doesn't come back. Maybe we should wait till afterwards... in case neither of us comes back. Here's hoping.

(SNIFFLING) That poor incompetent crew.

Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me. Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom. Overruled, Counselor.

Mr. President. What the hell?

Stop, this is cruel and inhumane.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman. Fellas, this visit's top secret. No one's to know about it... except the senior officers, scientists, and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe.

(GROWLS) Oh. So you're so shallow that my body disgusts you if it puts on a little extra weight? That wasn't a little extra weight. Admit it! You don't care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You'd be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as me! Would not! Oh, yeah?

Wait! I'm trying! It weighs as much as a thousand suns.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along?

What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here.

So this thing's going to destroy the whole city?

Well, I don't love them.

Oh, my. There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea.

This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

It's got a TV, you young whatchacallit... idiot.

(GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

We're not your friends! We're your victims!

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds. How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING)

Good news, everyone.

Whoo! Yeah! Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em! Now, this is the high life, watching apes mangle each other near celebrities. In my day, we went to coke parties, but the principle's the same. Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape!

Oh, God, it hurts! Pretty soon, Earth is chockful of Sunbeams, their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere. How do we get rid of the "gweenhouse gwasses"? Fortunately, our handsomest politicians...

Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now. The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling!

I always wanted an imaginary friend. I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- Splech! Is that pink nail polish? Is that not pink nail polish? The professor's right, you are evil and shallow!

That'll prove I'm not insane. Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin,

A what? You know-- a coward. Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

Product inspectors are bureaucrats, faceless bean-counters who blend into the woodwork. I beg to differ.

Hi, Fry. I like your blazer. Thanks. These aren't pockets. They're just flaps. I put my money in my sock.

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble. You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along? I wanted to watch you remember me.

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have.

A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me.

Relax, friends. (WHALE SINGING) Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale!

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

(THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this.

No! Ancient Atlanta was more than just a Delta hub. It was a vibrant metropolis-- the equal of Paris or New York. That's right, honey. Whatever you say. Look at these fabulous ruins--

Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you? Hmm. I'm not quite sure. Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a mild delirium.

Okay, sure. But first, this. (BELL DINGS) I hear turkey. Oh, boy. Hey, hey, hey! (LAUGHS)

(GRUNTS) Incredible! Who could have done this, the sewer mutants? No, this isn't mutant language.

Aw, poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most!

Huh? It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money. Very naughty. Shopkeepers not paying their protection money. Exactly as naughty! I saw that!

That's it, I'm saying it! "A" is for a...

From now on, I'm going to bend what I want when I want, who I want. I am unstoppable!

You really are too picky. Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?

If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer!

I just want to say that today I got up and I had a piece of toast. Then I brushed my teeth... Shut up! I love you, Fry! No!

What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

My God. It's the future.

No one knows where, when or how man first landed on the Moon. I do.

Here ya go. Compliments of the house. Wow! Free bread at a restaurant! Is there anything you can't do? I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

Thanks to years of LaBarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat. Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces. Something wonderful.

You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it. The only time I feel all right is in my dreams... with you. Three spoonfuls. Then I can dream forever.

The cat is evil! We have proof! It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"!

What the-- Termites? Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. I'll just use the old extensomatic arms.

She's an engineering student of mine. I like having her around because she has the same blood type as me. Hey, you're the unfrozen guy from the 20th century, right? Last time I checked. Hang on. Amy Wong, of the Mars Wongs? Look, we're not as rich as everybody says.

but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Bender must be stopped! I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am! Come on! We're gonna march all the way to Hollywood... and make them stop forcing their filthy me down our throats!

Police Academy is not for everybody. You're gonna get your boob scuffed. But if you've got the vulva to stick it out, I'll be proud to call you ladies "policemen."

Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous.

the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry?

Rudolph's nose! He's going to blow!

Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies.

Oh, I hate Mondays. Anyhow, Hermes, all Leela needs is one of your vertebrae. But, Doctor, will I be able to limbo afterwards? Could you limbo before? (CHUCKLES) Wait. I say, "Yes," and you say, "I couldn't limbo before." You ruined the joke, Hermes.

The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting. What party do you belong to, Bender? Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot?

Launch all missiles! We were defeated in battle. BENDER: Oh, no! They're forming Gigatron!

"You, mon, give me that robot brain." And you, metal guy, lie down. Zoidberg, this makes no sense. Why are you helping him? And what's that catchy beat? (ROCK BEAT BEGINNING) I'll tell you. Two, three...

So what did you think of the movie?

We've lost power to the forward Game Boy. Mario not responding!

He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is. Try and stop me.

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my... Yeah, it's fixed! My coordination's back, baby. Yeah. (WHOOPING) (GROWLING SOFTLY)

You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember.

To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue. (GROANING) Oh, what an idiot I was. And by "I", I mean "you."

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I! Whoa! What a cheesy effect!

Mmm! Mmm! The problem with both parties is that they always want to give your tax dollars to the less fortunate. The less fortunate get all the breaks. You know, Fry, you could join a third party, maybe. Only weirdos and mutants join third parties.

Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain! Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad. Let's stop off for a malt.

(GRUNTING) Sit up straight! The Countess von Luftballoon is watching. Ugh!

I don't even need my over-the-shoulder boulder holder.

Uh, right. Right. We're the losers.

great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser.

(BURPING) The nectar causes their bodies to produce female butterfly hormones, building up their flapping muscles, but also making them irresistibly attracted to Fry.

Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era. (BELL RINGING)

I think I'm actually starting to get interested in politics. And so, with two weeks left in the campaign,

You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid.

Also he's a robot, ain't it cool, Super King, you rule

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish?

Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it. Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid.

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking--

Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards. That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet-- What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad.

Give him a break, Fry. If this helps Bender clean up his act then I think we should be supportive. Wonderful.

What? (BOTH GRUNT) Farnsworth? What a lucky break! After all these years, I've got him! And legally, too! Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined. An idiot like you is correct! Ah!

Coming up next, Futurama! (SNAPS FINGER)

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman. That's not back bacon! That's your back baking! No! We overslept! The mercury is boiling!

Oh, my God, it's celebrity chef Elzar! Hey, Elzar, I've just recently started always having dreamt of being a sausage-making champion. Can I get in on this? Sure, I don't care. You bring your ingredients? You bet! Hold on there, chief. Regular old pork ain't gonna win this thing.

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful. Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting.

Hermes has all the fun. Wait a second! He's got a brain slug on his head. Shh. You're going to get us all assimilated. just act normal and switch to a garlic shampoo.

I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

can I cook you a romantic dinner tonight, Leela? Where's Leela? Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it!

Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence! Get a job, you lazy kids. Ahh. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. Come on, Dad. Shuffle faster! You don't wanna miss the unveiling of our new company, do you?

Plenty of food, mild climate. It's a veritable Garden of Eden.

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point?

An ancient sunken city! Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta!

Miss Leela? Yes, Sally? I want to show you the story I made up. That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow.

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability?

Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it. Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems.

Ooh! Aah! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh!

No! No! No! No!

It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See? Ahhh! (WHALE SINGING)

I'd like to make one final statement.

We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day. Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear. Well, to be honest, sir I'd rather stay here with Captain Leela. She actually listens to what I have to...

And remember, don't report them missing till after we max out their credit cards. Squid attack! Hit the deck! (ALL SCREAM) We're back, baby. And we brought you a little something.

Would you like to take a moment to register me? Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing? - Would you like to take a moment to register me? - I said later.

And I smell bad.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law--

Well, see you guys tomorrow! I'm going home, by myself, as is normal for me. Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning.

Might I have a sip of booze?

All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget. Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain.

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme!

Let's blow this joint. Now it's time for my song. When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

Father, I've discovered the shocking secret... Mother has kept from you for 200 years! No! No! Brace yourself-- for when I speak these words, you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is--

One more lap! Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours.

I do go. He's a very important man.

Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic.

Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

Odd. He is immune to our psionic attack! Impossible! We're an ambitious young squad with everything to prove!

Let's find out. What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

When we get back to the hole, we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship.

You're breaking up with me?

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb. Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown. Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about!

Uh-huh. All with stuff I found around the office. Top Ramen in a Cremora sauce, Xerox-blackened chicken. Oh! And for dessert, cherry throat lozenge jubilee. (SNIFFS) Mmm... What a wonderful nighttime sneezing, coughing, stuffy head, so-I-can-rest dessert!

(YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones?

Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case. Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over. Many people dream of a fresh new look and Mary Kay can make those dreams come true.

Yes, you do. - You need to relax more. - Wow! Terrific. Now consider the following. You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu! Kif! jump!

He looks like Bender! (ALL GASPING) Oh, no, no, no. No way am I that kid's dad! Wipe my tiny metal ass!

- Right? - Right. It's going to blow! Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out! Okay, okay, keep your space pants on.

And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here! Over here! Let the hunt begin!

Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too. Eight bucks. You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

This I cannot deny. Why, I've been a Harold Zoid fan since back when my hips were made of bone.

Problem solved. You two fight to the death and I'll cook the loser. Work his gut. I like it tender.

(GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President!

Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it. Oh! I did it! I blunk! And just in time to screw up this picture I took. Hooray!

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us!

Uh... this is a bit awkward. Who's a-she? Who's she? Who are they? Go back to the castle, Sandy. And maybe you'd like to meet her and her. Uh, eh, uh... This, um... Leela... this must all be very confusing.

Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two? You wish.

The kids have got to go. Daddy? How do I flush you? just go to bed!

Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted. I don't know. I've had cow. Gross! Ick! Mm.

(GAVEL BANGING) The council of robot elders will come to order. If it please the Council... Silence! It pleases the Council. Silence! Today, as every day, we will make the most important decisions in the history of our planet. BENDER: Silence! (ALL GASPING) Silence!

It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it. Oh! I'm nobody. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me.

Aha! I'm even greater than I thought I was! And now to fulfill my destiny!

Listen, this is Bender's first meal and he's a little sensitive. So let's be supportive, okay? Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

No! No! Greetings, Bender. Welcome to robot hell.

and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home! Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy!

I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy.

Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

Whoo-hoo! Randy!

Tonight we're going to party like it's 1999... again. Ow! Hey, watch it!

Now, get ready to hate him as he threatens your sexuality in his new persona-- The Gender Bender. I'm a real toughie.

I'll pick it up with my supey-dupey poopy scoopy. (GRUMBLING) (BEEPING) Core magnetic field, 31 microteslas. Nice.

Francis, would you do the honors? (CRYING) Stay off my turf! Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live?

What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's.

but I'm slightly thirsty.

Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh.

You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm. That's it. I'll take you on right now. Very well, but you see, I have the will of the warrior. Therefore, the battle is already over. The winner? Me. Ha, ha! Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

We have superpowers, and we're Americans. This is our chance. Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this. Hey! A friend of mine said he mugged you today and you had superpowers!

Hell is full of 10-year-olds who wanted exactly the same thing. Trouble is, you have what my old music teacher... Mrs. Mellonger calls stupid fingers. With hands like that, you'll be lucky to master a belt buckle.

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window! No, no. Wait. I-- I feel terrible about what happened. I've just been under a lot of stress lately down at the plant, you know? They're bringing in computers to "improve productivity,"

Let me at it. I'm gonna pound it with this chewed-up old stick. No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot. What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

Good night, losers. You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me but I think I actually learned something from him. So long, jerkwads!

You've been very naughty,

(GROANING) (SCREAMING)

Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am. It's that hot, it is! Man, it's hot. How hot is it?

Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover.

Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and--

NARRATOR: Having completed its perilous journey, the exhausted salmon enters the final phase of its life cycle. The female deposits her eggs and the male fertilizes them. Okay, who's next?

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it? Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done?

Yeah. Yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy.

Whoa. This place is a lot more nude than I expected. FARNSWORTH: Fry, you dope. You never went in there, so you can't remember it. Oh, rats. I wanted lap-dance nachos.

Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells.

Now, then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht? With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine?

Your gender differences have kept you from achieving harmony. There is only one way to resolve this conflict. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone!

There it is, the edge of the universe.

Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome.

So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant? We never wanted you to know. You deserved a better life. You must despise us. You're my parents! All I've ever wanted is to know you. This is the happiest moment of my life.

Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring.

I'm giving up the law and I'm giving up being single. Your Honor, will you marry me? Oh, no! Go to commercial. We'll be back after this word from Crazy Bender's Discount Stereo.

All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

Today, I actually blended in with a crowd! Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement.

Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do.

I can't take it anymore! They've been at it for hours! Give it a rest, you two!

Please, don't try to contact me down there. It'll only make things harder. Goodbye. (GRUNTS) That's new.

Yet still, I feel empty inside.

And the winner is... Destructor!

Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children.

Well, nuts to me! I'm taking the stage! I know the source of the greenhouse gases. But in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 long years. Oh, it haunts my memory still.

(CLUCKS) Okay, that's it. You are a boorish, primitive Neanderthal!

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one.

Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow!

Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little--

So you're really my grandson, huh? Well, it's not quite that simple. See, I got frozen, and your son, Professor Farnsworth, is my great-great-great- great-great-great... - Eh? - What? Yep, I'm your grandson all right.

This is huge. Bender, why don't I just live in here? In a closet? Oh, humans.

Toss it in the garbage. There he is. Seize him. Who said that? Uh! Hey! Hey! Oh! Ow! No! There. Who are you people?

Hey, a phone booth. I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

(SCREAMING) (ALL GASPING)

Amuse your friends with real vomit! Throw your voice! Sea monkeys! Throw your sea monkeys! My disintegrator ray really works! But that's you.

Then organize my collection of naked celebrity photos by what you can see. Look, Alcazar... Call me Al. Look, Al I know you've been living alone a long time and I can sympathize but I'm not your maid. You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay.

Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) (BOTH CRYING OUT) (ALL CRY OUT)

He cried, "Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel" Hey, what's your name, anyhow? Jezebel. Oh, good, I won't have to change any words.

(GROANING) Oops. Instead, I will send the peace transmission. Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace. (INAUDIBLE)

Uh! I can't believe how fat I look!

Let's watch, shall we?

(CHUCKLES) You humans and your fragile organs. One little stab to the goo, and... (IMITATES SQUIRTING) (EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead, Earth man. Cruel fate, I'm dead. They're putting me in my Sunday suit and shoving me in a wooden box.

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of. Anyway, "The Thing Longer" seems to be a rousing success. Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer."

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time!

It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies," "the wet willies," "the screaming moist..." We'll form a search party. Now, we'll need oxygen. I got it covered. In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device.

It's "nut" so good. (GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. (ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

Hey, baby. I'm Bender.

One, two! one, two, three!

You're ugly! (LAUGHING)

Well, we're boned. No, we're not! We just got to limbo. But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music. (BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it!

I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings.

That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves. Well, good night. I had a great time. How about a lift... to your place? What?

Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs. Oh, yes.

Mom? Dad? I showed up! And I got the audio tour for "Treasures of Liberace's Tomb."

Enjoy being broiled alive by the sun, and also the dead bird we've left in your slipper. (LAUGHING) Quickly! If we turn the ratchet the other way, perhaps we can restart the Earth!

Whoa! Whoa! FARNSWORTH: I withdraw the question, Vitruvian Man. Da Vinci's lost workshop! At the risk of sounding stupid, do these things actually work? Of course not, stupid!

Oh, go on! W-Wait a second. If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my! And sure enough--

They all pay the same. Is it dangerous? On, my, no. Off we go.

Show us this... the wheel.

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away. Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand...

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

There's a baby in there, huh?

Byte my eight-bit metal ass. That's byte with a "Y." (LAUGHS) Whatever you say, mon. Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure, it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Yes, ordinary water laced with nothing more... than a few spoonfuls of L.S.D. The important thing is by my standards, I won fair and square. Now, who wants brunch, cooked with plenty of... confidence?

Hey, Fry, I challenge President Taft here to a pie-eating contest. You're on, skinny. Sorry, guys. You know the rules. No fun allowed. Come on, you pansy! I'm thirsty! I want me some Tennessee loopy juice! And I want loose women! The kind that aren't afraid to show a little ankle. (WHISPERING) Or elbow.

Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho

Well... Give us back our genitals!

Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will.

Continuing our coverage of a tragic, but faraway, story. The crisis on Pluto worsens... as dark matter spreads throughout the penguin habitat.

Anything in the trap? Nothing. Today's active humans prefer a low-calorie bait. Well, that makes 146,000 unsuccessful hunts in a row but I've got a good feeling about tomorrow. Wait. What's that?

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger.

I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong?

but I think the entire Earth was destroyed. Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers.

Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her!

This is Rich Little, imitating Howard Cosell here at ringside with George Foreman. George, a word in edgewise. This could be the most one-sided fight since 1973 when Ali faced an 80-foot-tall, mechanical joe Frazier.

By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat. So, how long will it take? Four or five hours. Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

Leela, I want you to know... I think the way you moved those stars around was really wonderful.

He that is designated Fry... will be snu-snu'd by the petite women.

Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant... in our escapades. Aye!

I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up. Boring? Baseball wasn't... Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk. No galaxies there. Knock, knock. Oh! Oh! Who's there? Leela? (ALL EXCLAIMING) Leela who? It's good to see you. Is it good to see me? Of course.

Yeah, I will! (CHEERING) Yeah, all right! Come on, old Bessie.

With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman. Oh! Oh.

(POWER DRAINS) Hi, there.

Au revoir! Can I use the gun, Dad?

I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind.

Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics. - Wha-- - Huh?

Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer, but I guess I showed myself.

Looks like we're on the Fiesta deck.

Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back.

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain! I say! Most ungentleman-like!

Ah, that hit the spot. I found Bender! Good news, everyone. (STUTTERS) What? I've repaired myself with these convenient "Reelect Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon! Bender, you can't even vote. You're a convicted felon.

not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean.

Aw, what's wrong?

Shh. El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall. Nightfall? How can you tell down here? The tide is coming in. Quiet. The beast approaches.

All my life, I've been inspired by great minds. Euclid, Copernicus, Braino.

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer!

Maybe there's another way. Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff. What am I doing?!

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

I didn't know what had happened to you. No one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money. That's the same reason they kept me out of school. So, no one even cared that I was gone? Not really. Except for one person.

Not if you've lived a life without regret.

and subscription to Cosmo. just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good?

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop

Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress! You really do value my nagging above all others!

That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

Zooka barooka! First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food! Five hundred dollars, you say? Dog food, you say? Man, that dog's gonna be hard to beat. Look at him bring in the sheep.

The Earth is born!

Comin' through!

You are. Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

How 'bout in the porno theater? Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

- Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh? Zoidberg?

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found.

Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's. Undercover pursuit in progress... baby. Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding?

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it.

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

will you marry me? Yes! Yes! (ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second.

Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live.

All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste.

No, we're not. We Nibblonians are an ancient and powerful race. Behold-- When the universe was forged in the crucible of the big bang, our mighty race was already 17 years old. Aww!

Will you come back again and tell us more stories, and also adopt us all? Of course I'll tell you more stories. I'll go think some up right now.

One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant? I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup.

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it!

Mark, set, go, yo!

Fry? Are we ready to meet our new roommate? Hi, Red!

You know, all in all, I had a good life. What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.

(GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right. (SCREAMS IN PAIN) Don't mess with Blind Joe. Nothing get past his sense of smell. Yeah, that's why he in here. Guarding galaxy's most secure safe.

I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey... Are you over 18? Yes. Yes. Hi. I'm telling you, Fry they've got a chat room for everybody.

Oh, no! Martians kidnap Amy!

No one. And watch your language, young lady! Stop right there! I don't wanna hurt you. I didn't want you to hurt me either.

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah!

Why can't you just let me be happy? After all these years, I'm going places I've never been, and having sex there. You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no!

Okay, take us there! "Now, that I know the truth, Father, I must ride south and join the robo-banditos at Veracruz." Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him.

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Gotcha!

Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor.

What a wondrous affirmation of our love and all from the touch of your hand. Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif? Well, I suppose I might've gotten pregnant that way.

No batter, no batter! No batter anymore. Take your base. I didn't mean to hit you. I have some trouble with depth perception. Yeah, me too now. Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter! Duck! Take your base.

Your Medicare dollars at work. Halt! Identify this guest. Uh, this is Professor Hubert Farnsworth. He escaped. Escaped? No one escapes. This guest does not look 160. What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn!

NARRATOR: Langdon Cobb, the most acclaimed actor of his generation. Why's he wearing a bag on his head? They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation. He's raked in seven Academy Awards for best actor and two for best actress,

Well, no, not in a dream. Lots of weird stuff could happen. Philip, have you lost weight? Damn it, Fry.

My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening. By the way, what's happening?

Someday I want to marry a girl like her.

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass.

Hey, thinking hurts him. Maybe I can think of a way to use that.

How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind.

I've gone too far! Who does that guy think I am!

Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong. I'm so glad we could admit Amy in exchange for your generous contribution. How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got? Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy.

That's a very good question. So, that's where I left my cigar. That just raises further questions.

- Hooray! - Not good enough!

They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish. Whoa! Dear Lord!

The floors are made of such hard wood. Hey, get a load of this pathetic 20th-century TV. What's wrong with it? Well, aside from causing eye cancer these things had a lousy, low-definition picture. That's true. On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo.

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Pizza delivery. Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show.

Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it. (ROBERTO SCREAMING)

It contains a parallel universe. And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins.

Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves.

I'd hate to be those guys.

Yes, you are a cutie pie. Holy macaroni! I can't believe I'm seeing Bigfoot, and he's in focus. Oh, I've waited my entire life for this moment.

Schedule conflict.

far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs but is squeezing each other's brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason.

To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS) Thanks, dear. Off to work.

and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

Aaah! Take evasive action! It's closing in. You can't avoid it.

The crowd is pouring out of the stadium L.A.-style.

So, um... Um, I'm sorry. I haven't done this for a while. I just got partway out of a bad relationship. Maybe I should take this off.

(SNORING) Scare Fry to death? Ha! I could do that in my sleep. Whoo! Whoo-oo-oo-oo! What are you? Deaf? Whoo! Whoo! (BOTH SNORING)

Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat. Let me at it. I'm gonna pound it with this chewed-up old stick. No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot. What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined.

What's that weird sound? Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet!

You can't expect me to honor what Year-Ago Professor said. That guy was young and foolish. There's nothing wrong with these uniforms that a few denim patches won't fix. (SHRIEKING) Oh, all right. To the garment district!

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho! All right, show's over. I'm tired. Ah, to be young again... and also a robot. Uh! Now, as I recall you youngsters have a package to deliver.

Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that. Cool! Cool. I bet a lot of people pray to you, huh? Yes, but there are so many, asking so much. After a while, you just sort of tune it out. You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw.

Everybody out! So, do you guys know about anything else going on? Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad. Where did it all come from?

I could have flip-flopped out. I know that. Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes, but if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you to grow up strong and resilient. Some day, you may face adversities so preposterous,

If you'll excuse me.

Well, that was pointless.

I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether. Ooh!

Well, you could bother me a little. It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on! I'm coming in after you! No, Leela! You can't give up your childhood!

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss? Saving a race of one-eyed monsters?

The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. Although in reality it's not liquid, but gamma radiation.

Wait for us! Something's wrong. We're two metric tons overweight. Well, it's not me. Look!

(FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny. True, not as funny. But, still, somewhat funny. (LAUGHING)

(COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds.

Do something, Fry! (GASPING) Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. FRY: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea. BENDER: Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out.

I'm the loneliest person on Earth.

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts.

Poor Bender, you're seeing things. You've been drinking too much, or too little. I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drunk exactly the right amount.

Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow!

Thank you, Scruffy. (SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES)

He's ugly mean stupid stink mucus! And last week we sort of broke his window. All right, all right. What do we do when we break somebody's window? Pay for it? Oh, heaven's no! We apologize with nice cheap words.

You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages? Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa.

Two, three... hey. Welcome to the world of tomorrow. Shut up, Terry. This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip.

Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank." That guy is nothin' but a flashy con man, and you've been hypnotized by his swingin' baloney.

Thank you! Hello, peasants. Bender! What happened to you? You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body. Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road. I know it's glamorous and the parties are great,

You're only four years old? Precocious little scamp, ain't I? Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need to bend... that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle. Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company.

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons.

Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed. Well, except for a few broken bones,

- Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar. We did it! Melllvar's got a spaceship!

Get your pipin' hot horseburgers, horse fries, horse cakes and shakes. We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you?

Name's Unit 2013. Come on. Let me introduce you around.

Or is there? (ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry! Merry college registration day, everyone!

Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package! The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded.

but seeing those fem-bots glistening with oil means more to me than life itself. Call me an old fool, but I believe the Lord is speaking through you. Brace yourselves, everyone. One hundred kilometers. Two hundred.

In fact, vodka with a sardine all around! And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

Goodbye, friends. What could have caused the leak? Excessive heat, on account of I'm so hot? Alas, no. Oh, Bender, I'm afraid it's a symptom of a fatal defect. Yeah, fatal, schmatal.

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo. It was on the Australian news. You probably didn't see it. Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender! Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices.

I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker! Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand? In good time. You go enjoy the opera. To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art

trapped there for all eternity!

I demand the ancient ritual of Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or Consequences! Rrrmrrrmrrrfrrrmrrr or what? Let the ritual begin!

I guess I'm happy for him. And honestly, Francis is a way better friend than Bender ever was. Hey, where is Francis? (PIANO PLAYING) One sarsapar-oil-la, Sheriff. I'm thirsty.

Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon? There. The engine modifications are complete. Prepare for launch. Wait! Wait for me! Don't leave me here!

Don't stay up too late. We got a lot of people to shoot tomorrow.

I'd better test it with a dramatic... Is he all right? ...pause!

Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mama. Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God.

He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on.

Uh, I'm sorta thinking of one. Daddy has a present for you today. Do you know what it is? It's a lucky clover that can help you be successful, whatever you do. Even break dancing. And it once belonged to someone very special. I know what name you want to give him, Yancy. It's okay.

What's going on? How did we save you? It was the weirdest thing. We went to sleep, and when we woke up, our cave husbands were gone. I'm gonna miss Spencer. Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not going to hurt you.

Don't wanna talk about anything else We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

I challenge you to a battle of the chefs! Scandalous.

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again.

(PIANO PLAYING) My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose.

Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

I can't watch. I better take some pictures. Wait a minute. When living creatures look at Cobb's photo, their life force gets sucked out. And Cobb's a living creature. I just need to show him a picture of himself. But I tore up the only picture of Cobb.

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket.

Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them.

That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you. Hey, thanks.

Soothe us with sweet lies.

Aaah! Who are you, and why should I care?

I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

You shut up, please. No, you shut up, please. Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh?

No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan? Well, obviously, Zapp Brannigan could save you... Zapp Brannigan! So, Emperor Chop Chop, once again, we meet at last.

I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution...

Oh, I just wish I understood why. Why I should care? Because the death sphere is now on course for Earth!

(CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS) (CRYING) What the... Can't I have one moment to myself?

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back.

Please, just leave me alone. Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered, but you don't need a statue for that. I don't? No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator,

I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

So your delivery company is just a cute, harmless paper route. Whew. No! It's a serious business. Yes, it's a tremendous responsibility all right. What if a paper were to land in a puddle? Civilization as we know it might get splashed.

Oh, hey, Leela um, can I talk to you for a minute in private? Oh, no problem. This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date? Please?

the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband!

I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine.

Looks like you're about to lose to a minivan. Unless you have any surprise moves you've forgotten about. No, no. Wait! (READING) (BRAKE SCREECHES)

Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

It seems that Slurm is produced in a colossal worm heinie. Hmm. "Heinie," you say? Why, with your testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw this insidious Slurm. Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again.

and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer...

But how is that possible? It's very simple.

Aw! I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good.

(SOBBING) Lando, don't forget about me and Junior. I won't, honey. Or die trying. Well, crew, this is it. That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself. Ten, nine and so on...

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished. Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme,

(ALL GASPING) The original passenger manifest. Spreadsheets were so elegant back then. Just one other item. It's jewelry. Jewelry! It's jewelry, people! It's a priceless quantum-force gemerald.

Where are those daring crime stoppers? Oh! I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire. Uh, as for me, I'm late for my L.S.A.T.s. And I can't take life anymore!

Fry, distract him!

FARNSWORTH: Alas, in recreating Fry's adorable jelly-belly, she had overstuffed him with copper wadding.

Put your pants back on. I need a stapler! Stop. Stop. If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad. It's working. They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Ooh. Wow. Welcome to the planet Wormulon.

We've already scheduled the Zookeeper for a 9:00 a.m. foiling at the museum. Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged to meet my parents... right there at the same museum at 10:00. Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying. It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved?

Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender. No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

(ALL SCREAMING) (ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship, we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again.

My dear, that school is about much more than sewer pipes. Really? It's also about keeping those filthy things busy. There are thousands of them down there, breeding like rats. My great uncle once saw a rat.

These are just some of the half-finished inventions you'll spend your life finishing. I didn't realize you were the inventor of the junk heap. That's my prizewinning Smell-A-Scope. If a dog craps anywhere in the universe you can bet I won't be out of the loop. And this is my universal translator.

Who the hell is this? How did you get this number? Is this the robot company? 'Cause I have a complaint about a defective robot. His name is me! A defective robot, you say? Stay right there, dearie.

Well, I guess reality is what you make of it.

Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends. Uh, brunch. Right.

You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there. Okay, it's your turn.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. Oh. You're a dollar naughtier than most.

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kiff's fault. What? Kiff Kroker, you are also stripped of your rank and dishonorably discharged.

(LAUGHING) I'll show those G.I. Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air m... NIXON: Warning shot. Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he... NIXON: Church.

Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job. Come on, boys. But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train! That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez.

That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go!

So far, so good. Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh! It's not fair.

As far as I'm concerned, that's good news.

No spluh. Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone? So, will you go out with me?

This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small-- In this case, small. Whoo!

Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings? Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid. I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool?

Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

That sounds hard. Whichever gender reaches the cave will survive. And may the inferior gender burst into something. Flames, I guess.

Today's comedians could learn from this card.

Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there? You mean the one in that alley off 72nd Street? Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at? BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications. Too exact, if you ask me. Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

You got any, um, you know, um-- Speak up. You're muttering. I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy.

What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING) Contestant 36, everyone!

Gather 'round, children, to hear the legend of Bender. He came from above with...

Mmm. Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story.

I'll see you during the recess.

Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer?

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Violent outbursts. General sluttiness. Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy. My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue.

Are there any left? There may be one.

(YAWNS) Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So, what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple? I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form.

Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him.

Oh! Scandalous! It's time for some fancy-shmancy dancy. Hit it, me! (RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING)

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock. English, please?

Give him hell, Morbo! Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved! Are you ready to play?

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days.

I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa!

I may be an old man-- in fact, I'm fairly sure I am-- but I'll put you Globetrotters in your place... with my team of mutant atomic supermen! Irie, Professor!

What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

All right, Beelzebot.

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner. Careful, Fry. I think that flag might be poisonous. Ahoy, mateys!

This time, Robot House has gone too far. Cheese it!

Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten. Guess it, and you die first. Go! Um, okay. Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about!

Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray?

- No! - No! Do a flip!

will you marry me? Oh, my gosh. This is all so sudden after 13 years. Don't answer yet. I want this to be a special moment, so I rented the roof garden on top of the tallest building in New New York. The Vampire State Building? Uh-huh. If your answer's yes, be there tonight at 6:30, half hour before sunset.

Now, I respect my opponent. I think he's a good man. But, quite frankly, I agree with everything he just said! These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones!

Zoidberg owned 51 percent of the company? The shares were worthless, and he kept askin' for toilet paper! And now, if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.

It is with heavy heart and open arms that we receive Earth's only survivors.

34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars.

Why is everyone else ignoring me? Isn't it obvious, Bender? Yeah, I guess it is. You're dead! What? I thought I just had laryngitis and antigravity. (GROANS) Come down to my office and I'll explain everything. (BENDER HUMMING) (TORMENTED SCREAMING)

Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for? Don't ask me. You're the one who's going to be dying. Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy? A valid question. We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for.

it blew my alphabet blocks out of order And they said this boy's born to be a bureaucrat Born to be all obsessive and snotty I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party

(SIZZLING) (SNIFFING) Ohhh! You're cooking me back bacon. Thank you, woman.

There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled.

You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again

Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey!

Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair. Huh? It wasn't me. Must be some of that urine you're all so proud of. That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS)

I had a few beers, but I'm cool to drive.

It's an extremely dangerous mission that killed my last crew,

This food looks kind of funky, but it tastes kind of "funk-ay!"

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already. Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos!

In recognition of Bender's generous gift... of 12 orphans and a government check for 1,200 wing-wangs, I hereby rename this building... the Bender B. Rodriguez Orphanarium.

A-ha! Oops. No! I can't stand to look!

Let me see those glasses. Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck!

Santa Claus is gunning you down. Merry Xmas, everyone.

All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

I'm greasin' up my whoozits. Whoa, whoa, Clamps. Not yet. Let's just keep an eye on him and see if he does it a couple more times.

and that jerk Flexo steals her away? It's time to kick some shiny metal ass! You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think!

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right!

Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

(GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die.

Oh! Help! I'm still in mid-peril, you clods! He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

You going to Andromeda or thereabouts?

I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer? There is no target consumer, only targets-- targets that will tremble in fear... as their new masters hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice!

1947 can kiss my shiny metal--

Play it one more time. No!

You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? You're a freakin' genius, you idiot! The engine's stalled.

A robot fox? Huh.

Now, why couldn't I have just described his appearance at this point? This is the type of thing I'm talking about.

Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif!

and that's what we're gonna do. (STRAINING) Do you mind showing me how to open the cage? Now, listen here, the hunt is a hallowed tradition, and you Bambi-loving beatniks will never stop it. Oh, no? Well, for your information, the robot fox has been declared an endangered robo-species.

- join us. - join us. join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God!

Listen to me. You don't want to lie in bed like a vegetable... and do nothing the rest of your life; I've tried it. Bedsores hurt! Then what am I supposed to do? Fight it! I can't! You can. The Leela I know doesn't give up this easily. Okay. I'll try.

Oh, that's especially impossible.

(WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up! You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS) (WAILING) Oh, God, I hated that place. My parents kept me there for years.

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts. Amen. If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or voodoo. We've got to get the old Bender back. And I think I know a way to do it.

Ooh. Who is it? Ow!

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos. Bender, lock down the ship. Don't let Flexo escape. Aye, aye, Captain. It appears that Flexo has outwitted us all... especially me-- Bender.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do? Oh, God! What? What? What is it now? You are being released. Finally! Sweet justice!

$500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock! My fellow fish monsters,

Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so. I lost my chance to be a champion. I won't let you throw away yours. Leela is right. I don't want to end up a loser like her. Count me back in. Let's see what you got.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it.

And I can't take life anymore! Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege, you're just in time.

(PANICKED CLAMORING) Where'd it go? I thought we installed alien-proof air vents! It's on my list. (SHIP POWERING DOWN) What's happening? The ship's lost power!

Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

The men are just for ballast. I control all the drones from this single unit. Foolproof and durable, it's designed to withstand even the weight of a modern-day elephant foot. - (TRUMPETING) - (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING HOARSELY)

I'm going to need that pen back. Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom.

Yeah. Doing crap work. They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems but how many robot managers are there? Eleven? Zero! And what a surprise. Look who's scraping up the filth. Is it a human child? I wish.

In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING)

Commence purity chant. (ALL CHANTING)

We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

Is that even necessary?

Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet.

(GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Come on, Mushu! Barf! Barf like a freshman! And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss... as I make Mushu jump through this hoop. jump, Mushu!

Right. So long. Good-bye. Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again? I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming.

I have these three costumes you could use. But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime?

It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate all the robots. I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out. Ohh. Well, I'm off. Wait! We can hide you! We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl.

I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles.

Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas!

Draining male oil! Eww! Infusing female oil!

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here.

I can't reveal that information but you look like a nice robot. Tell you what-- I'll give you 50 bucks for the kid. Hey, my clothes are worth 50 bucks. Deal. How could I let this happen?

And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Hey, that's me.

Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand.

You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things.

And if you are, don't tell me. Are you?

And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood. Yes, Bender, thank you. In short, the various fluids Fry left in the couch... caused the royal jelly to regenerate his entire being! Neat! This is great! My buddy's alive, and his credit cards are valid again! Let's go get hammered!

Oh, Fry. All this time you've had this incredible gift, and I never knew. I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool.

I made this bracelet so that in some small way, we'll always be with you. Even when it doesn't seem like it. During your entire life, for example. You won't pass for human, cutie. But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop,

Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

This worked out better than I could have hoped. Now I'll have two million zombies. Actually, Fry and Bender may share some of the same followers. All we can say for sure is that there will be between one million and two million zombies. All I can say for sure is... Now, stop getting slapped and power up the twit-worm!

He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is... I don't know, well... Let me think about this.

I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Incredible! According to the gizmometer, Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his D.N.A. and brain waves. Then, when it spilled on the couch, it recombined with trace amounts of Fry's hair and skin-- And blood! Don't forget about Fry's blood.

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

Nine. Ten. A big fat hen. The name's Bender.

Nuts. You shot me!

You know what these would go great with? Rocks. Look, here's more. The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need. Stuff the ship.

Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills!

Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy.

If you let me use the telescope to find my lost friend, Bender. I-i don't know what to say.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom, and then enslave all of Earth? Bah! Your planet doesn't deserve freedom... until it learns what it is to not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!

Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops. This is where I brought my girlfriend on our very first date.

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

to live on reservation deep underground. No one ever dare go there. This mission is incredibly dangerous. Someone's sure to be killed. Fry, Leela, Bender-- Damn you, old man!

all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution. Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft.

Should we turn on the TV? Nah. (COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds.

Hello, lawsuit.

These space cats seem to be employing some form of hypnotic hyper-cuteness. Well, two can play at that game. And one of them is me. (WHIMPERING) Nibbler? Poopsie-doodle? Mr. Winkles, Smudge-Smudge. Quick, dance with each other!

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened.

I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

I'm just glad the nightmare is over. It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds our breezeways... perhaps even... our movie theaters.

What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man! Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah. Table for two? Step right this way.

You are not McNeal! Huh? Huh? You are not the one we want. Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I-- Give us McNeal! That was McNeal. No, McNeal-- the single female lawyer. She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip! Unless we quickly exterminate them,

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING)

Whoo! And his name is?

This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time. There you go, dearies.

Of course, your most important ingredient is this baby right here-- the Neptunian slug. You can get it in a can, but to really do things right you got to strangle yourself a fresh one. Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

Say what? That's El Chupanibre.

It's getting late.

Wouldn't you? Nothing to do now but wait for the reviews to come in. Papers! Papers for sale! We'll take one of each.

Someone said fire.

And they all lived happily ever after. The end. Miss Leela? I have a question. Yes, Albert? That story was bad. That's not really a question. That wasn't really a story.

SUSAN: That's not the only place you need a terrible weight lifted. (SUSAN GROANS) Susan and I are agreed. For the first time in our lives, we're not ashamed of who we are. SUSAN: I was never ashamed. Come here. What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey?

Bender, how could you flush Nibbler down the toilet? Well, step one, I had to lift the seat. That was the first little annoyance.

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser!

Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants. Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training.

But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen.

YANCY SR.: Now bundle up. I don't want you getting frozen.

When I'm with you, every day seems like double-soup Tuesday. Oh, Fry. I love what you've become. What I've become. What is it? There's just something I have to find out.

and I think it would help my character's motivation if he was on fire. Uh, don't worry about the script, baby. We rewrote your part to better suit your acting abilities. So now my character has a British accent? No. Now your character's in a coma. Get in bed and don't move. And... action!

Uh-huh Oh, my God! They dug up a bag of Olestra chips from my time.

Where'd it go? Hey, Professor, what's all this groop... blurking out of the machine? That? It's, uh, nothing. Yes, nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron. It looks like toxic waste.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

(BABY MOBILE TINKLING) Man, I always wanted to ride in that stroller. But nope. Where could I have heard that music? Yo, Cosmic F. What up? Hey, my old break dancing crew. I haven't seen you guys in years. What are you up to? Nothing but break dancing. Cool.

You won a Tony. (SCOFFS) Wow. You gave up your super-intelligence to save us. Why did you come back? Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason, but some decisions can't be made by thinking. Even if you're drunk.

So where do these fossils live? In sedimentary rock? (LAUGHING) No. According to his next of kin file, they live in a virtual retirement home on the Near-Death Star. I've been there. Let's boldly go where we've gone before.

Duh. I know! Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar.

Sorry, Og. But I've got a new crew. So, how was your delivery to Fantasy planet where everyone's fantasies come to life? Great. Organized. For one beautiful night I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored.

Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

The Moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it no matter how much you wanted to.

How could it possibly get off the ground? In a way thou shalt never discover! (ALL GASP) Hi, Animatronio. I feign death and stalk thee, that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! (EXCLAIMS)

Thanks for saving us, Fry. I'm gonna continue never washing this cheek again.

Ride the walrus.

Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby. Next up, contestant number 36!

We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist? I don't know. Maybe God loves me.

Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone. And using this, you cannot fail.

I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

As long as we eat her filthy scrambled eggs, you'll never find out.

Well, this requires a little extra thought. I'm a natural. The information we need will be here, in the physical files. Those bastards won't know what leafed through them.

Pay dirt! Hyah!

Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

Let me ask you something, you sting my wife? What kind of buzzing question is that? Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that?

(GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time.

Banditos, eh? Ah, this is great, 'cause I happen to have a flawless Spanish accent. "I will say adee-oos, Pad-ree. "Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio."

Poor Calculon. All right, Amy, you win! The mob did it. I saw the whole thing while also having hot sex with the Donbot's daughter. (SOBBING) I'm scared and great at sex. Bender, you need to go to the police and tell them a tastefully edited version of what you just said.

So what do you nerds want? It's about that rip in space-time that you saw. I call it a Hawking Hole. No fair-- I saw it first. Who is The journal of Quantum Physics going to believe?

You'll have to get through me first. Okay. Nighty-night. Now leave this gentle Sasquatch, or wood ape, in peace, so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah!

Ooh! If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now!

Well, that was dumb.

Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains. I warned you not to use those things!

Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat. You win, young man. I tip my bonnet to you. Oh, isn't she adorable?

Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass It can be re-gifted straight to Santa's ass

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo! So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing? Poorly! My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air.

Someone fat get in my way! Oh. I'm broken again. I can't move any part of me.

I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender.

Maybe that's just her excuse for being incompetent. Silence! We will accept no more decoys. This is the McNeal. Wait. I know her. You do not, you big, fat liar. You don't know anyone. All you do is watch TV.

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote.

Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her.

You lousy son of a...

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow!

Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

Consider, if you have the energy, Dr. Daniel Zenus, an inventor with a terminal case of "The Lazies." This robot will do everything for me. Robot, activate yourself and do my research. Ahh.

"The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating?

Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading!

As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders.

That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams... and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up!

Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

So let's keep going forward. It's no use. Earth is dead. This is the end of all things.

Thanks for lending me your tux, Dad. It'll be perfect for my wedding. Yancy, that tux got me through 'Nam in style. I just wish your brother was still around to see this. I'll never forget the day Philip disappeared. Wisconsin won the Rose Bowl, 17-9.

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone!

Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next. Coming up next, Futurama!

there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy.

Will I have pants on in this dream? Only if you wear these dream pants. Hey, this is a diaper. Put it on and shut up.

Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray!

They must have fallen into the crate. Aw, Leela's going to kill me. Nah. She'll probably make me do it. Mister could you please get those keys out for me? What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious. Zoidberg was popular?

Cover us, buddy! You got the only wounded up positron shooter. Fry, you emu-bellied coward! Aah!

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor.

What's so far-fetched about mermaids? There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg. I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness. Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy.

Oh, Greenland is A barren land A land that bears no green where there's ice and Snow and the whalefishies blow Captain, please, have some liquor. You robots need alcohol to function. I once knew a guy.

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

Ow! I didn't order any-- Quick! Give him the tranquilizer. That's a good boy.

Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics.

That's right! Come on! Work it out! Madam, I am one impressed celebrity. Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots. From this day forth, I shall do so whenever possible.

Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

Tell my offspring I loved me very much... (GASPS) Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies. (GASPING)

I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home.

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were--

Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty,

(EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me. Mmm. It stinks.

I can call my nephew. Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep. The deal is off. The beast must die. Ooh. Pimpy.

Scuffed kippers, anyone?

Give me the ball! No, give me the ball. I know, let's fight for it. (GRUNTING)

I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die. NIXON: Cut the waterworks, hippie!

The veneer is starting to peel.

Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it! The truth is, Fry, I still have feelings for you. But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree.

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep.

I just can't please Leela no matter what I do. I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea. I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it. Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero.

Well, make time!

There's a surprise for you in my locker.

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy! Hooray! Look at all these presents! I hope we all have as much fun tomorrow at my birth-- What? Awww.

You dare bribe Santa?

I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top. Ow! Ah, Bender, Fry! You've come back for more eternal damnation. No, this isn't a religious visit. Fry just wants holophonor lessons.

Okay, you're on a date. What's the first thing you do? Ask her to mate with me. No. Tell her she's special. But she's not. She's merely the female with the largest clutch of eggs. Well, tell her that, and then... Then mating. No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them.

You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night But they best be made of beeswax or you all might as well be white They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white Well, we got no beeswax candles,

Excuse me. Have you seen a giant brain? Yep. I let him help me whitewash Aunt Polly's fence. Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity.

No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you!

Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Welcome home, pal. It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people. How we doin' here? Oh, Elzar. Everything's so good. What are you, an ass-kissing machine?

Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance. I have no idea what's going to happen next. FRY: Did you get that, Chief? (SURPRISED CRY) We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake?

reproduction. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! ANNOUNCER: Since factories can't manufacture enough robots to meet demand, robots can also reproduce by mating. Oh, now you tell me! ANNOUNCER: First, Gerald must find a female robot. The best he can do is Francine.

The key is to grab life by the "ho-joes." Live every day like it might be your last. What'll it be, kids? One bowl of mild farina.

I have not so much time left anyhow. But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life! Long live Robo-Hungary!

AMY: Oh, no. We tunneled into a tunnel. What's that loud, boring sound you'll hear when I stop talking? FARNSWORTH: (GASPS) It's an albino humping worm. Why do they call it that? Because it doesn't have any pigment.

Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans.

Completely out of ice!

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto.

It's like catching an evangelist in a whorehouse. That was the best Christmas ever. You know I hate lying. But those orphans were so proud of me, I couldn't bear to let them down. (SCOFFS) At least Reverend Pickens had the dignity to jump out the whorehouse window with his pants around his ankles. Who's your friend, Leela?

I'll try to endure.

Bender, good news. Your album just went gold. What the...? It's the humans! Bender, do something! Got you, you murderous flesh-piles.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene!

But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess.

Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished.

Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about, right, Professor? Let's ride.

(NIXON HOWLING ON TV)

Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B. Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir-- Yes, that's the gist of what I said.

And I took this one inside the ichthyosaur's stomach. (LAUGHS) Man, I've never had anyone try so hard to digest me. Look, we've all been in a sea monster's stomach. But did you get any pictures of the Calculon? Yeah, but a true photo buff wouldn't even use these for toilet paper.

ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk? No! (LAUGHING)

My tummy hurts. They're over here. They're running up the stairs. Shut up, you. Let us in!

Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals.

Don't look at me! ...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy. I could take him or leave him.

makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack. He is the hope of the universe. The fate of your world-- perhaps all worlds-- rests in his special mind. Now, when you say "special--"

Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks. Nope. Uh-uh. Ew! Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody? I'm sorry, sir, but due to the perverted nature of our business,

Magic. Got it. Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter. Beer. I would think. They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them.

My Manwich! No wonder my urine smells like a meal. (ARGUING) Enough, you babbling boobs! How can this company function when no one trusts each other?

Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president.

Get out of my office!

I haven't heard such an eloquent speech since Bill Shatner explained why he couldn't pay me back.

I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do.

I had a lot of magic things. And we'll never get them all back. Oh, sure we will.

(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data. Could you dump that somewhere else? Not really. It's highly volatile dark matter and some corn. But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow, and I've barely had time to prepare. Nonsense. You've been my grad student for 12 years.

It's just as well. I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theater.

Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this! We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did? Ah, so that's why this was unguarded. People of New New York, this is Surgeon General Ogden Wernstrom.

There goes my... life.

Ah, pardon me, my good simpleton could you take us to yon castle?

Silence! I concur. Here... use the ceremonial killamajig.

keeping the first pair here under the pretext of shuttle repairs. The human exhibit has never been so popular, all thanks to your friends. Well, that's that. What do you want to see next? We have a great maritime museum. Shut up, Guenter! You can't just put people on display. It's cruel.

if I don't want to be embarrassed.

ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop whoa, whoa mmmbop ba-duba-dop...

You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster! You had to drag spines into this! As vice chairman of Planet Express, I'd like to say a few words. There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends, when he goes back how it was.

So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

I'll use that free app that tells you what restaurants you're near. You mean the window? Yes. (HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals? Absolutely not, Linda. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. Me, too. Listen-- Shut up. We're talking about a snack Shut up. that's low in fat Shut up. and high in profit. You're crazy, man. He is crazy. There's not even any strong evidence that these Popplers are intelligent.

Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century. Whoa!

I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore. Congratulations. Nice work. Way to go, squishy! There goes my D.N.A. What a disgusting and beautiful process. That's birth for ya.

I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm.

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

Thee will be done. Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy.

(GROWLING) (SCREAMING) (GASPS) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Do something! Fear not, Leela.

Look, you scaly crybaby, you do what I say and you do it now! NDND: I knew it!

seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

Mom, Dad, you remember Kif. This your boyfriend? I have instant dislike of him.

Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access. Uh-oh.

There was no cure at the time. One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil.

You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha! Dig it.

Can you really remove all my memories of Fry? Oh, they'll still be there, hon. I'm just gonna snip the links between them and your conscious brain. Like this one "Fry falls off zoo train." He thought he recognized one of the monkeys!

(MOANING) Where to, adulterers? (GASPS) (BEEPING) Calculon? Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb?

Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man! Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.

FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk.

Why don't you just inject some fat straight into your ass... and cut out the middleman?

(MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205. Okay, that's better. Keep them coming!

My species is as good as extinct.

Come in. Hello, Fry. Can I interest you in some surf and turf?

It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

Times two, carry the one.

Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

You are hereby quarantined until such time as it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses. (ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well.

Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot. G.N.E. Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past.

No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

(WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela! (SCREAMING)

Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every 10 seconds. The universe is caught in a time loop.

Look, I miss Bender almost half as much as you do, but you can't bring him back this way. It's hopeless. You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless. You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING) Look out, little drunk Sheila!

Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

I was wonderin' if-- you know, it's cool if not-- but what are you doin' after work? What I always do. jack squat. Me too. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually identical components.

One drug company was close, but I arranged... a hostile takeover and sold off all the assets. Made a cool hundred mil. Naturally, I froze myself until a cure was found. And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top...

Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone.

Let's go already! (WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out! They got away, Your Scaliness. We must have just missed them.

All right, how we feeling? Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage. Yeah, I need a seltzer.

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment, which this year supports the United Mutant Scholarship Fund. (GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are.

the Gizmo from Pismo... Beach-- Destructor! So, we meet again. Most amusing. Girl who acts like fighter training fighter who acts like girl.

Want to go around again? I do.

Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger. And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer.

finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you? Most folks just call me Orange Joe. So, Professor, where are we gonna go? It's July, right? Let's wait three months and go to Oktoberfest! (ALL CHEERING) All right, baby!

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

After all, it takes two colors to make a rainbow. Shucks, I never thought of it that way. Sorry, cheddar-head. ALL: Look up high where the rainbow bends Orange and purple are the best of friends I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries.

Someone toss me out the window!

I don't care. Listen well. No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though.

Still, given the chance, I'd give in to urges far more shocking.

Oh. Ah! My heart! Ho.

But I'm grounded for knocking the school over. Who cares, Leela? It was just a public school. Now, go with your friends, please. No! A grounded teenager must be confined to her room!

Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No! Central filing? Of course I know where that is. I'm a grade 20. Where is it? I can't tell you. What do I look like? A grade 16? We're getting nowhere slowly.

What the hell do you want? Mr. Blob, Our sons have come to apologize... for damaging your window. They've learned their lesson, and they want to make amends. - Sorry, sir. - Yeah. Sorry. You can shove your apology into the bottom of your one-way digestive system.

(MUFFLED GASPS) Oh, criminy.

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others?

Dear God! What is he doing? (MAN SCREAMING) No! Somebody stop him! Here's corpsey! Excellent. Now restarting him is just a simple matter of science. What do we do? Well, since Calculon killed himself,

That was quick.

And all from watching you on TV, ya cool jerk! Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model.

My good robot, they paid to be here. They think they're on a romantic holiday. Humans have been vacationing in our habitat for years. In fact, Leela's been here before.

Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor.

Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

They've been at it for hours! Give it a rest, you two! Sorry!

It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one. Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right? Shut up, Zoidberg. Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow in need of comfort.

Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools.

shut down, dismantle and destroy all robots!

Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

"M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

So Melllvar ordered a battle to the death. I assume no one survived? Can we get on with this? My foot's getting tired. This will be your standard battle to the death.

(ROARING) No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING)

I'll just have something from the light menu. How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

There but for the grace of God. Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time!

Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth! He's looking sharp in a standard white lab coat and dark slacks. His wristwatch is a Casio.

No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees.

Brother Bender do you accept the principles of Robotology on pain of eternal damnation in robot hell? Yes, I do. Then I will now baptize you.

Cool. Yo, Noticeably F.A.T., drop me that one beat that I'm having a hard time remembering. Word up. That's why I'm even in this dream. (BEAT BOXING) Well, there's no denying that was funky-fresh. But alas, not what I'm looking for.

And, Bender, that aerosol head spray... makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you. But it's doing long-term damage to the planet. So? It's not like it's the only one we've got.

No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass. Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald. What? You take that back! Ooh, eBay.

Now, all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public.

(ALL GROAN) And now to transfer your planet's rotational energy to my home world.

This is Christopher Colobus, the brave monkey who led a band of genetically engineered primates from Earth to colonize our planet.

(LOW GROWLING) Hey, maybe one of these switches turns off that scary noise. (ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"!

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

I don't feel good. I'm genuinely sick. But we're about to take off. We got to eat our blast-off sundaes. I can't move. Oh, I think I'm going to output. Okay, you stay in bed. I'll eat yours.

American Express?

Great news, everyone.

Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up?

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

Not yet. Listen. Hope you don't mind if I dribble a little while I work. Not if you'll grant me the same liberty. Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender, and I'm a huge fan of your work, both on and off the court. Can I be a Globetrotter? Shut up, turkey. - Ooh. - Bubblegum, look at this.

Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace.

Thar she blows! (WHALE SINGING) All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale? I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes. And giraffes are basically just land space-whales. Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon.

So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

(SLURPING) Young man, one does not drink from a champagne fountain in that manner. But he's doing it.

Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha--

Ye think me be he? Si! Nee. I mean, no.

Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back! What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way.

All My Circuits is brought to you by... Robo Fresh. Designed by a robot for a robot. I've been processing this for some time, Monique and, well... will you marry me? Oh, Calculon!

It's got a real nice profit margin. Bam! So, special occasion tonight? Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's happened!

We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg?

The future is disgusting. Typical 20th-century attitude.

Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together.

And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday, the professor retains the fiery passion of youth. Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

LINDA: We interrupt Hypnotoad On Ice to bring you breaking coverage of the disaster at Hedonismbot's bachelor party. (ALL GASP) Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown.

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender-- Bender raises a good point. Where is Fry?

Professor, I'll take care of that waste for $499 and 100 cents. Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience. Do you take credit cards? Let's find out. All right, environment. You've met your match.

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead. All dead! Who would have known playing God... could have such terrible consequences?

Uh... the fairness in hell act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul. As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show.

Amy, (GASPS) will you marry me?

except me. And me. Ow!

Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

(CREW SCREAMING) Behold!

The universe is caught in a time loop. Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere.

Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe.

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

I met her in A club down in old Soho where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-cola c-o-l-a Cola He sickens me.

Bender, you want to go out and do something? Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

Here's the plan. We'll enter the ear, drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm, expelling, among other things, the parasites.

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president.

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh!

This looks like a job for God.

They don't look so lucky to me. They are, too!

Move it, you ugly normals! Whoa!

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke.

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too! That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along.

One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I enjoy partying as much as the next fellow, but this is Oktoberfest. Good day, sir! Ach du freakin' Lieber!

(SCREAMS) The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z. Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS)

What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter. It happens more often than you'd think. (ALARMS)

That should've been me!

First the civilization of Space Rome collapsed, then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

Should we do something? There's no hurry. Yes. A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps a hard spanking is in order. Too hard! Men strange. You have them on your planet? - I'm afraid so. - What they for?

Nine! Amania! Seven! Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

My ex-boyfriend Sean played the sax. I used to listen for hours while he sat naked on my couch and improvised. So, musicians really Rodger your Hammerstein, huh? Yeah. It's weird.

Everybody kill everybody! Well, we're not on the juice anymore, but what's the worst that can happen? Since this is a championship match, we are gonna need some lava! Wait. Hot lava? Amy, if we get killed, I just want to say

Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires.

Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z. Fry, a herd of Lucy Liu are destroying the city. Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror.

Now for some good old 20th-century TV. Ah. Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days.

Who are these people? Friends. Hey, where'd you get this couch and that TV set and all this stuff? They were giving it away on the street corner just like you, Leela. Too bad they weren't giving away the three things you actually need--

I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead. All Leela ever wanted to do was help me and I was too proud and stupid to accept it. I wish I had died instead of her.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Mr. Aragones, I'm a big fan of your cartoons and your mustache. You want it? Take it. It's brought me nothing but misery. Wow. Thanks! (EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me.

Tangled-up Christmas lights. We can take shifts untangling them. And unlabeled booze. Wide-mouthed too!

Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them!

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

Doy! Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave.

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

Bender, you look awful. I prescribe makeup. Here. It just so happens I have my Mary Kay sample case.

Fire! Look out!

before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth! Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt?

Hey, you know what would cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy. A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies. What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do?

Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers.

So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

Now, then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht? With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good.

But wait, there's more!

You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain? Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles. Now that's entertainment.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender.

And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum...

- She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come. Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack! Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right.

We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy? That question is less stupid though you asked it in a profoundly stupid way. What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue?

(MUSIC PLAYS) G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp! G.I. Zapp!

Those guys normally stink. That's why we play them exclusively. Those cheaters must have cheated! Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults. Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards?

and casting people who might be looking for someone to play a preacher, I welcome you! The bride has written some vows... that we will now all pretend to be interested in. Dearest Calculon, forever is not enough time... to tell you of the many ways I love you.

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?!

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Bender.

I braved the flames once more in search of fluids.

Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.

Au revoir! Can I use the gun, Dad? Oh. What kind of father would I be if I said, "No"?

On what grounds, you slobbering oaf? Failure to prevent a mutiny.

jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker.

You didn't answer your cell phone telephone, so the Professor tried his CB. Uh, scratch that, Rubber Turkey. We got a 20 on the tin man. Toodle-oo.

Sucker tried to stop the printer and I found him there Went 187 on his robot ass Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass Now we're folk-singin' players packin' Beaujolais And makin' max contributions to our 401K Peace out. (CHEERING)

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

You, maybe. Hear me! Hear me!

Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Gross! Go, man, go!

Oh! Is-is there nothing we can do, sir? There's only one surefire way back into a woman's heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke. My years in the DOOP Boys' Chorus will not have been in vain. All right. Enough lipstick. Let's storm out.

No! No! (SOBBING) Oh, my God, it's Bender! He'll save us! (RINGING) What's happening to me? Is it puberty? It's a phone call, dingus. These eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Fry-lo. Hi, Fry.

Keep laughing, Funog. Ready, Bender? I was built ready. Give me the bell. Did you hear a noise?

Somebody help me! Mommy!

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little.

Well, sure. But then I wouldn't have been able to provide the loving care you wouldn't have needed. I'd leave you to rot in this paradise, if only the ship weren't destroyed. The ship's fully functional, isn't it?

If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now! Our universe is doomed! Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray?

You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking. Then if you'll excuse me, I see some ravioli... that only has two shoe prints on it. Three.

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

Hey, rich lobster Blow your wad of cash on me Zoidberg, what are you doing here?

Wow. The burial chamber of the 20th century's greatest spiritual leader--

Let's go already

Why would Nixon stay at the Watergate? They give you a discount if you've been here before.

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda. You know what needs to be done. What? Get his PIN number, you idiots!

the one my family kept secret for centuries. (LAUGHS) This is the original contract signed by Reginald Wong. It stated that my ancestors would hold the land for 100 years, after which it was supposed to revert to the Martians.

All glory to the hypno-toad.

Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out. What, you've never seen a genius's wiener before? Well, once in the park.

You can't force me to operate. Maybe not, but perhaps I can encourage you with my encouragement drill.

That clover helped my rat fink brother steal my dream of going into space. Now I'll never get there. You went there this morning for doughnuts. "First person on Mars." Oh, so your brother was that Philip J. Fry. I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends!

Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy. I'll kill you, too. Hey!

(SLURPS) (BURPS) (WHINNIES) It's like a fairytale! Finally, a turn for the better. (CHOKING) Gotcha. This situation deteriorated fast.

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy.

Aw! When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell. That's the store, Professor.

He says, "Ooh, I'm dead."

(BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES) Next up, the Planet Expresses ship.

A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master.

Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop! (ALL SCREAMING) Look out, little drunk Sheila! (WHIMPERS) (THUDDING)

Ah... Again, again. Question? What if you had a special moment that you wished could go on forever? Could the Time Button make it last as long as you wanted? Hell, no. This button is for scientific use only.

No! I wish I had two mommies! Try these, um, sir. I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Terrible shame, that. Shall I do the honors?

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass.

They're basically slaves.

(SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview? Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty. Sounds like a party.

Aw... what's the point?! Bender? My God, you're a mess. Leave me alone.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you.

How do you plead? Absolutely 99% not guilty.

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

There. Good as new. Don't you need this one? Oh, no! That's my-- Gotcha. Oh. Poor Bender.

Hey, barkeep, I'll have a fuzzy navel, and she'll have the girliest drink in the house. Two fuzzy navels comin' up.

Okay, let me back up for a running start. Here I go!

Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

What's that black cracker?

That's 2,046 total Benders we need to destroy.

I sold my hair so I could buy this third set of combs for Zoidberg. Thank you. These will come in handy for my new hair. Finally, I look as pretty as I feel. Help! Oh, let us in! Help us!

Bad news, friends. My shell ran.

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

Both our dreams came true. Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram in my van... and follow Bender on tour and live there in the van? I don't know, Fry. I think I'm too poor to follow a band around in a van. Come on. Move it. We gotta get to the concert...

(RETCHING) What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there.

Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

(GAGGING) At least there's only one of them. The good news is, they can't start breeding.

Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty. The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies.

Ow! I'm hungry.

We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball! Futurama!

Like Kaboom cereal. And my family.

Then that's what I am! (SHOUTS)

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

- Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha!

Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape!

It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment! Uh, Leela? I'm through making fun of women. Now I want them to help me. Should we do something?

Hello! What's all this then? Apartment One-i. The old me would've made a joke about that. I should warn you. It's a little under-furnished. I'm thinking of having a window installed. I think the view's perfect already.

Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks. Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances. Cheers. Cheers.

Who is this non-Washington redskin? I am Singing Wind, chief of the native Martian tribe. But I thought your people abandoned this planet. We did. I just came back for my stuff. What're you guys doing here? Fleeing Earth, of course.

Let's kick him some more! No, wait, let me explain.

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

Oh! Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness?

Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

Hey, where's Amy and Bender? They're missing out on some hot pickle action. (AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball!

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy.

Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him! (SOBBING) There, there. I still got womanly needs! Who's gonna look twice at me with this dirty leech hanging off my dairy nozzle?

Here I am whining like a pig while all along, Leela was as lonely as a frog. I could kick myself. I'll do it for you. Ow! Thanks.

Okay. Come on, gang, let's go inoculate everyone and cram Manhattan back into its rightful hole. This may hurt a little.

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand!

Does that mean we can eat now? Yes. But first, since I love you all so much I'd like to give everyone hugs.

No problem. Okay, this tech dump has every kind of high-tech communications device. Using all of them, I'm sure I can get a message home. (GRUNTS) There. Finished.

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37. And as for you.

Yes, and I'll be going back there with a gold medal... draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders. Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I'll dial up the Beeb. They've always got a nice docky-wocky on.

Honestly, that went better than I expected.

Stay back, or we'll beat the tar out of you... using superpowers! So this is your lair? Of course not!

I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky.

and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer! - You all obey a big computer? - Yes.

please support Proposition Infinity! (EXCLAIMS)

Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave. One half! Pull! One half! Pull! Now we're slavin'.

You're pathetic.

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting!

Oh, which reminds me put a top over that sofa, would you? Bon appetit. Mmm... farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest. Fry, untie us. Quick.

Uh-- Um, sweetie? You see that giant quasar we're heading into? You might wanna scooch a few parsecs to the left.

Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog, a toad or yo' mama? It's a poisonous froad! No one move.

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages? Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!?

The Magnificent Three. Scene 10, take 95. Action! And I mean circus-grade action.

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is... Bender!

The enemy approacheth! Lieutenant, fire missile one... and recommend me for another medal. Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later. Ticktock.

Where's Billy? Farewell.

Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate with these bone jelly ghosts, we're doomed!

You should be ashamed of yourself, Fry. You'd have to be blind not to notice that Leela's a Cyclops. Fry's over there, mon. Oh?

I'll call Angleene while pretending to be Flexo, arrange a date, show up disguised as him... and catch her two-timing me with myself. That's thinkin' like a man. Hello? This is Flexo.

Fry, that's offensive to our people.

(ALARM SOUNDING) Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one. COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

though that's impossible, since I have a private washroom. Ah, my home away from home. By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on "stun," not "kill."

I love those magnificent 1-X robots.

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

I was deliberately describing a similar situation. Why don't you try protesting, like those native Martians? Always whining that people don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect. Ah, protesting never works. You're right. I'll give it a shot!

The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!

There ya go! Good night. I gotta get up early to go parasailing with movie stars.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

You see-- Magic. Got it. Check this out. Back in 1999, the season finale of Single Female Lawyer was interrupted by technical problems. Apparently some zidiot spilled coke on a transmitter.

Do it. Bash my head in. (COUGHS) Wha... What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention? (SCREAMING) (GASPS) That was amazing.

Please, he's no different from the rest of you organisms shooting DNA at each other to make babies. I find it offensive. Keep your jelly away from my eggs. So not interested.

People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

What? So, now Zoidberg is big, huh? That's more like it. Who's intimidating who now, big city? Hello, Mr. Chase Manhattan Bank.

Uh... line? Soda. Oh, right. Cheese pizza and a large soda. Uh, cheese and a-- That was quick. So, what do I owe you? 10.77-- same as my PIN number.

less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date. So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.

Probably not, but I love you, and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Whoa! Hey! Okay, Clamps, now. Oh, that's gotta clamp!

You hit a sour note... about 200 years back, Doug! Let's take it from the top.

What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again. You won't last two weeks. Ah, thanks for believing in me.

Leela, Zoidberg, the rest of you, this is Flexo. Sweet llamas of the Bahamas! Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender. No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057.

What the hell's been going on around here?

Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side. Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead? Oh, I've failed again. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted?

Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind... Should we turn on the TV?

There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

you're the best around

Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING) Fry!

Okay, everybody do one of those three things. Well, this is it. Home, stream home. No, it isn't! I was born in the next stream up.

You owe me one.

- Hee-ya! - Ooh!

Why the idiot convention? Ah, Cubert, my precious babe. I'm going to attempt to clone Fry's dog...

(SCREAMING) (BEEPING) Breaker, breaker. Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help. The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me.

a man with a dream. One of these days, Alice-- Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon! Wow. I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. That's not an astronaut. It's a TV comedian. He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself?

Wow. I could have used an introduction like that when I first met the Moon Men. (ALL CHUCKLING) But seriously, there are Moon Men.

That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimbala, who ruled Zuben Five over 29 million years ago. Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage.

But you keep on talking Keep on yakking Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Coming up next, Futurama!

Keep cool. She's just like any other player.

May I kiss the bride?

I surrender and volunteer for treason.

I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

We'll wait a few weeks while you shore up the numbers. Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

It's the end of the line. This must be where they put in the secret ingredient. Whatever it is, it's even better fresh. Mmm. Still warm.

(POP SONG PLAYING) Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere. Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly...

Well, you could bother me a little. It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on! I'm coming in after you! No, Leela!

Here's my personal book of pickup lines. Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier. I could have flip-flopped out. I know that.

Answer me that, Professor! (EXCLAIMS) Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! (EXCLAIMS) Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!

We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy.

Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild? That's Fry you're macking on.

Look up! Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb? No, I just told the robot company I was defective. You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name!

(ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes? That could be a response the aliens are waiting for! Quickly. To Mount Shushmore!

Low wine level detected. Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you...

I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping. God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish.

You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret. Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough. Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good. I wanna buy this franchise. How does a hundred thousand dollars sound?

Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic. Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

I found some rocks. You guys eat rocks, right? No. Not even if they're sauteed in a little mud?

Looks rickety. We better test it. Welcome to our monastery. Please stand to one side to let faster pilgrims by.

Mmm. Well, I think Fry and Amy go together like a lime and a coconut.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

Me, too. Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator. Oh.

I don't recall ever fighting Godzilla. But that is so what I would've done. One diet double martini, please. And for you, sir? I'll just have a Shirley "Hemple."

The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner.

Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son.

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec. "Tokens only." How does this work?

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes... is that coin flips have opposite outcomes. That explains fruity here. I tossed a coin to pick my finish-- fog hat gray. Hey, bite my glorious golden ass! You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home.

That's normal. Next patient! Hmm. He's a witch!

You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won. More, please. A little more. More.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

(DOOR OPENS) TRAVERS: Hey, what's that rifling sound? Uh-oh. (GULPS) (MOANS) (UNZIPPING)

I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they. Now, how do we escape? We can't use our ship. We have life support, but the engines are wrecked.

Wow. Aquariums have really changed since I was a boy and no one ever took me to them. Where's the glass? There isn't any. The water's held in place by gravity fields so there's nothing for kids to smear yogurt on. I like strawberry yogurt. Can I touch the water? I wouldn't, but I'm smart.

Oh, Fry, after you left things took a turn for the worse. I got married. I'm sorry. His name was Charles. He attended a law school so prestigious the basketball team was coached by Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh. What about me? You are free to go. Yes! If you can resist this concentrated superSlurm.

W-wha-- Hey, hey! Whoa! Phew. Yeah!

Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood.... Aw!

Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things. No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex.

Every decision we make opens up a universe of possibilities. I put it to you that, as sentient beings, each choice we make is precious. Well, in that case, don't wear them. Ah, who asked you? (SCATTING) Oh! I like your nerd glasses.

My stall just became free. Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you. - Brannigan! - Hmm?

Good-bye, Mr. Dumbsworth! Hey! This is my chance to spend time with my parents too.

Amy, I'm deeply disappointed in you. (BLOWS) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it!

She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday.

So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium.

Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange. What are we gonna do?

I'll come. As long as there's no xenophobes there. (SHUDDERS) I want to come, too.

Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they?

(ALL GASP) A robot ghost? What robot would want to haunt me? Me, dumbass. Bender, Bender, Bender, Bender!

Bender! j'accuse.

That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread.

Using all of them, I'm sure I can get a message home. (GRUNTS) There. Finished. Oh, God, I can't believe I abandoned Fry.

And now, let us salute that beloved symbol of freedom, our flag, Ol' Freebie. I'm swelling with patriotic mucus. In our darkest hour, we can stand erect...

We should print up T-shirts. And F-shirts for our friends with two arms on the same side. No. Listen. It's very important... that you never, ever tell anyone under any circumstance. - What if I've had a few? - Dad, you drink? - No, not even then. - All right. My sucker is sealed.

WOMAN: (ON INTERCOM) Janitor to the 237th floor men's room. Six o'clock. She'll be here in half an hour. 6:30? Maybe she's stuck in slow traffic.

He probably even added new songs to his repertoire. But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles!

Amy, is it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness?

Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin? (GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl.

That rambler slept with my Jezebel Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song.

Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom... Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so.

we destroy their fleet in one glorious burst of quote-unquote self-defense. Up high, Mrs. Brannigan. Don't leave me hanging, Mrs. Brannigan. I come from the sewer, but that is low. I'm not going to translate your lies. Munda, dear, as your captain and soon-to-be husband,

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover.

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live. Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy.

Marianne, my love, I've never known anyone who wanted to smell so badly, and there's a way maybe you can. Really? How? We have in the doctor world something called a nose transplant. I can give you a surgery.

- Amy! - Shoo! Stay away from my babies!

That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch.

Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto.

Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

Dear Liza. FARNSWORTH: The snail itself is composed of cells, molecules, atoms. (SCOFFS) Those things don't rhyme. Things only rhyme below ten to the minus five angstroms, you dope. Now, ions and pions, muons and gluons, neutrinos, gravitinos.

(COUGHING) Did you delete it? Uh... Thanks, Fry, you're a good friend. Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Multi-ball! Multi-ball! Blern! Bler-r-r-rn!

Hey, you don't get to laugh.

Let's get started with a nice botulism treatment, shall we? Go to hell, Heather! Oh. In small doses, botulism toxin tightens and tones the facial muscles... instead of killing you in the most horrible fashion imaginable.

Hey, Hermes. Good to see you. Yo. My man.

In a thousand years, I'll get right on it. And so, a thousand years later, fry once again infiltrated the Info-Sphere and set off his amazing bomb. Only this time--

Man, these guys rock harder than ever. Oh, my It's a mirage Telling you all it's a... Sabotage Sabotage, yeah. Peace! We out!

Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces. What? They say Zapp Brannigan single-handedly saved the Octillian System from a horde of rampaging killbots.

I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species,

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over!

Happy Robanukah, everyone.

Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite! It's always so sad when a friend goes crazy and you have to have a big clambake and cook him! Yee-ha!

Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that...

Holy night! Intruders!

Here, I'll point it at jupiter. Smells like strawberries. Exactly. And now Saturn. Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

(GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him! Arm yourselves! I call it the Franklinator. The apprentice's suite is empty! He's gone! Wait. What's that glistening in the chamber pot? Let's find out!

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm. That's good. Where's Fry?

When hope was high and life worth living I dreamed that love would never die I dreamed that God would be forgiving (SCREAMING) What the hell is that? Nothing. I'm not nothing.

Because I have a photographic memory, and I remember every night.

Uh. How you get frozen? I don't know. I think I whanged my head pretty bad. Uh, look normal to me. The last thing I remember is losing all my memories. Who am I, one of you?

Or somewhere else. (SIGHS) Maybe I'm having some kind of early-life crisis, but, look, don't you ever wonder about the future? Well, sure, but you're always in it. Also, sometimes terminators. All right. You should run a lot faster now.

KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

Hello! Anyone? (FRUSTRATED GRUNT) There's never a cop around when you need one. COMPUTER: Green ball. Larceny.

So I said to Kitty, "The only way to keep the butler from running away... is to cut off his foot!" Ah! Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

(RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

Oh, go on. Get out of here before you get caught.

(GRUNTING) Missed it by that much.

Uh, okay. How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

Two colors? Wow. (BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada.

Never! A deal's a deal Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa! Leela has promised me her hand

Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying like this. You'll come down with a fever of some sort.

That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month. (HORN SOUNDING) All crew, report to the laboratorium. Get a wiggle on. Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week. Movietone News, everyone.

Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

There he is at the buffet. Uh, he seems really nice, but... well, I already have a boyfriend. Really? Where is he? And why isn't he here right now fathering our grandchild? Uh--

One of you will have to fill in for me while I'm gone. Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you. Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal.

The professor said he he was taking a brief nap, So we only have time for six movies. Let's take these six jim Carrey movies and record over them! You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies!

We're goin' back to civilization... to wage war on technology! What?

but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING)

Okay, Hermes. Sure. Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now!

I love you." Hey, you wrote it! It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

Listen up, New New York! There's a new group of superheroes in town, and we're-- Quiet! It's 4:00 a.m., and I just fell asleep for the first time in 30 years! Sorry.

(LAUGHS) Be more careful, friend. My antigravity snares are virtually undetectable. I saw it coming from a mile...

Look at him. I'm so proud.

You are so disgusting. I-- They're beautiful! Ew! You're touching them. I've never seen pearls like this.

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

Where were you born?

The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well. You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he's a pig but then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body. Thank you all for the inspiring advice but I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is.

Aw, crap! I'm some sort of robot.

Here I go! (SCREAMING) (RINGING DOORBELL) I shall inform Mrs. Astor that the circus is in town. Your souffle, madam. I shall take it here, under my fork.

We will begin with the firemen, then the math teachers and so on in that fashion until everyone is eaten. Transmission over.

That's a hell of a good parrot. Although, I could get 500 lizards for the same price. Girls like swarms of lizards, right? Sir, the store is closing in two minutes. Okay, okay. I'll take the 500 lizards. No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Atlanta was a city, landlocked hundreds of miles from the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean.

Well, I must admit it's not bad. And it will cut two or three hours a day off my cornrowing routine. Yes, our lives will never be the same. Darn it! I'll be right back.

Okay. Yeah. Mmm!

So, you grow hemp. Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day.

We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert. Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it. (EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud.

Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying.

A cigar! Ripping.

Of course! It was so obvious.

The setting, a weird motel where the bed is stained with mystery, and there's also some mystery floating in the pool. Your key card may not open the exercise room because someone smeared mystery on the lock. But it will open the Scary Door.

Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it!

just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up. Please hold your thumbs until the end. Now, folks, it's time to stop that tanker... with a nonviolent human circle. Why do we have to resort to nonviolence? Can't we just kick their asses? Now, little lady, those people's asses are living things too.

Who put this in here? No!

What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive.

His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips. You can count on us, Mr. Mayor! justice away!

All right, environment. You've met your match.

Thank you. I deserve this. Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact. In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week! All right, baby!

Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work! I'll be out in a second.

ALL: Ew! Hence, the Latin name, Bonus vampirus, or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire. Dios mio. That's ridiculous! Mr. Peppy doesn't eat bones. I raised him on a simple diet of Brussels sprouts and mixed soda.

Ooh! I knew I should've shown him Electro-Gonorrhea: The Noisy Killer. What is the world comin' to? That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya.

Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here?

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired.

Hello, Fry. It's Mom. I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles and I thought maybe I could help out a sweet young man by buying his anchovies. Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale.

I gave you an order. Now, let's tell these vicious lies and get back to our sacred vows. There's not going to be any wedding. I don't want your fancy ring. Careful! That's glass! Leela was right. You're a lousy man and a lousy captain. And I'm going to tell our Carcaron friends the truth. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley,

He was joking. Get it? No. That's what makes it so funny! Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

I'm just glad I have my wool scarf. What good is a wool...

It was October 17, at 1:54 p.m., and 14 birds were flying by the window. I was working at Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Back then, you see, robots were slow-moving, stiff... and a little on the uptight side.

What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad. Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads. Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV.

if not all forms of intimidation during this trial. Prosecutor?

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

All right! I'll go! I can't believe it!

It's your mother's dream. Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend. Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes.

You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

See that waitress there? Yowzah! I know what I want for dessert. That's my fiancÉe, Mildred. Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee. Okeydoke. And for you, snuggums? Uh, I'll have a pie with a fried egg on top.

Avast, mateys! Electronically transfer your space doubloons... afore I send thee to Davy jarg's Locker.

Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will.

So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese.

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus-- What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation.

Not the magnet. No! No! No! Uh-oh.

Sayonara, Tokyo driftwood! (BRAKES SCREECHING) (CRACKLING) What the what? Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift!

And also, for some reason, the letter I wrote you full of my personal feelings. Oh, I'm scared! My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING) Free beer. Free beer.

The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time. Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son suspended from boarding school. It's not my fault, Dad. And you, Cubert. I cloned you from one of my warts, and I can send you straight back in there!

You don't have to make a federal case out of it. I'm afraid I do. Ooh-ooh! I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly. or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage!

You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up. Sure. We talk about it all the time. Really? No. Burn!

Private Lee Lemon may well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service. That young man fills me with hope... and some other emotions that are weird and... deeply confusing me. Ew.

I direct your attention to this ancient and mysterious tablet which has yet to be deciphered. Do you know what it means? Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid."

Ah, Fry! I'll miss you! Y'all come back, now, you hear? Let's go, damn it! Let's go! Well, I guess this is good-bye for me as well. Whatever. Later.

I prefer the term "love machine."

It's forbidden! I forbid you! But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future! But it's set 800 years in the past. Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon, or even female.

just leave me alone. Fry, please. My ponytail's caught in the door. I don't need them-- Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies.

Thank you very much. - Like many of you, I never knew my parents. - Give me a-- I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up. It's crooked! In the end though, it doesn't matter who my parents were.

After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I... Ha-ha!

The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

will take place in the business center in ten minutes. I am jorell, Master of Scheduling!

We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer... and reprogram it to let them go. Maybe you can interface with my ass... by biting it! All right, I'll go.

Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like--

You can't go to Omega 3! It's forbidden! I forbid you! But we have to! The world needs Star Trek to give people hope for the future! But it's set 800 years in the past. Yeah! Why is this so important to you? 'Cause it-- it taught me so much. Like how you should accept people,

So you set all those fires. You framed me! You're huffin' for a snuffin', boy! (EXCLAIMS) (LAUGHS) Foolish robot. No power on Earth can extinguish me! Oh, yeah? Let's see how you stand up to pure grain alcohol! (SCREAMING)

I'm sorry, Fry, but no vegetarian could have done this. I know, and as much as I love Mr. Peppy, I love Leela more. He has to be put down.

Just a few more feet. We have to get to that pile of dead bears by 7:38. A pile of dead bears can only mean one thing. But what?

Come, make yourself uncomfortable.

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.

Well, actually, they're-- Morris, shh! And what about this? Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them!

Don't sit in there, you idiot! That's dangerous!

just thinking and thinking. He's trying to make me look like an idiot. Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered.

You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish. Also, in a rare double-whammy decision,

Could it possibly be? Are the old legends true? It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all!

Oh, no! Nobody tell Fry I'm deaf. If he found out I couldn't hear his opera, it'd break his heart.

(CHEERING) Down in front! Sorry. I get aroused in crowds. I will now throw out the ceremonial first dump, this old, inefficient vote-rigger!

I don't know how Bender and I do all this work by ourselves. Maybe we should hire a delivery boy. You mean like... Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead!

It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function. Says you. (CAT HISSING) (FRY SCREAMING) There's also a lot of drugs in there.

All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls.

The creature! - (GROANING) - (BEEPING)

you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though.

Welcome aboard.

(PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo! What the hell are you supposed to be? Every nerd's fantasy, baby.

I'll protect you, Leela. My love is stronger than the vast majority of explosions. FARNSWORTH: Fry did, in fact, save Leela, though at a terrible cost to himself. I tossed him into the stem cells, but he just bubbled away like phlegm on a hot sidewalk.

Good for you. Can we go home now?

(INTENSE GRUNTING)

Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering.

I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

And even though the computer... was off and unplugged, an image stayed on the screen. It was... the Windows logo! Pss! That's not scary.

Come! Your destiny awaits! Have a nice future. Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh!

Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical." Hey, hold on. I understand these robots hate humans but how do they feel about humanoid aliens?

Aaah! Mmm! Hmm. Aaah! Aaah!

No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

What did I do? You left the keys in the ignition.

Hmm. Why won't anyone help me? So... once more, we meet again.

Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe.

Ah-ha! Your folk singing folder. I'll just double-kick on that. (GRUNTS) Got it. Now I'll convert that guitar image to a wire-frame model. There, like so. And send it wirelessly to my 3-D printer. (BEEPING)

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover. Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"?

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend! Dang it. He jumped on the PATH train to New Jersey. Of course. He's commuting back to his native habitat.

This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

(GROANING) Man! Pwned again! This is all Bender's fault. Admit it, your reflexes suck! Aw, it's true. My circuitry's 12 years out of date. I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback.

How could he bring me into this world knowing I would die? So you wish you were never born, maybe? Yes, anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time! Then suicide it is. Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kevorking. Not until I hunt down Inspector 5 and beat an explanation out of him!

I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma.

Less reality, more fantasy! Resume the opera! But I can't play anymore! Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

(SCREAMING) Lot of weather we're having. Allow me, my lady. (UNZIPPING) Shall we go a-trousering? Fry, I appreciate the gallantry, but isn't this a bit much? You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love.

16 feet?! Go to hell!

Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time.

Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me!

What're you doing, pooper doodle?

(BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores. (BEEPS) (WHEEZES) Next up, the Planet Expresses ship. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the...

You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS) Ew! She's Scottish.

Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here.

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

Yeah, she sure is pretty. You ought to marry her and father some children right away. Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out!

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again.

KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela!

i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray!

The robot has to go!

Don't you foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you forget about me

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me I told you where I told you when I told you how And we'll meet up at 10:00 But you keep on talking Keep on yakking

That's my joke. I'll kill you!

Yes, it's great-- a great miracle. And not one of those bogus, everyday miracles, like a sunrise. Aren't you a male? Yeah. What's the deal?

Made a cool hundred mil.

Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mama.

Don't worry, son, you'll freeze before you drown. I love ice fishing. I shouldn't be out in this cold. I have no protective fat, hair or warm blood.

Aah! This is not happening. Ooh, I think there was something funny in that hippie.

Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events.

Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now. In the 2600s, New Yorkers elected a super-villain governor and he stole most of the world's monuments. Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

Come on, girdle. Hold. Uh-oh.

The big brain am winning again!

Look! He lost the strange insect parts. (MOANING) He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

I don't even want to...

Do you take credit cards? Let's find out. All right, environment. You've met your match.

Fry, don't die! Wake up!

You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

I feel like I could stand to hug you! I can't, but you know what I'm trying to say.

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough. Score! This human's lower horn is one of God's creatures.

Nice hat! (ALL WHOOPING) But, at long last, this invention will show you.

I didn't know you had a wife. And my wife doesn't know I have a job. I keep my personal and professional life separate. Come on, let's deal.

ANNOUNCER: The Vanquished Pride of the Yankees, or, America the Dutiful. North America, or West Britannia as we now call it, has been under British rule for 1,400 years, all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal... and shocking injustice that I cared so little about. Next witness! Bender the Robot, please take the stand. She's all yours, buddy.

(GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor.

It's so beautiful! (HEART MONITOR FLATLINING) I'm sorry. She's gone.

Shut up and love me Shut up and love me ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

Outsiders! Defend the fire! We've come for you. Oh! Wh-Wh-What do you want from me? We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again. Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom...

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy, 10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck!

Hey! That was my favorite window. I better see what they want. (CHANTING) We want an Earthling, not a dirty space thing! Why are you rednecks doing this? Leela, don't stereotype. Why are you yokels doing this? I may be just a backwoods septic tank, but I've had it up to here with you foreigners.

Believe it all you want. That won't make it true.

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes. BOTH: No! (MUSIC STOPS) (ALL GASPING) Oh, boy. Mr. Fry!

Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters? We didn't see anything... ever.

One, zero, uh-- One, one, zero, zero, one-- Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two.

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.

Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants. "The British attack has begun. "Cross the river and watch for my signal." I must ride.

And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is... number three in a quantum finish! No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! How'd you do, Fry?

Every Christmas, my mom would get a fresh goose for gooseburgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.

(GASPS) I thought I set you for 7:15! FEMALE VOICE: Sorry, I hooked up with Bender last night. Dude was all over my snooze button.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on. No! We're ruined!

Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick. What's that?

What am I going to do? We've got to get the emperor out of your body before they kill you.

Wha-- You heard me! In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil. Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart. And you all do the same.

I don't know what I'd do without them. Melllvar, you can't let a TV show be your whole life. You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person...

(SIGHS) That was nice. Oh, yeah. (BOTH GASP) Ow! Ow! (SCREAMS) (SHATTERS)

Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon!

Mobius drag strip, man. Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line. Ready?

You'll be fine. Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth. I only have one. Really? Uh... is there a human doctor around? Young lady, I'm an expert on humans.

Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.

I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you. I'm sure Bender has just made a cutting remark but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message. You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible.

Your attention, please. As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone. Shouldn't you be steering between the comets? And the winner is-- Leela. But I didn't even limbo. No matter.

I love this job. Me, too.

If only it had worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it. There's no one to carry on after I'm gone, no one to take over my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name A successor. - a successor? - Oh!

Ho... Ho... Ho!

I'll bet you run your own hatchery,

Computer, Jamaican Joy Juice, hot. G.N.E. Behold the Time Button.

Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it! Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities?

Leave me alone! I never want to see you again! What crawled up his Geritol? Well, to be honest, a few troubling things did happen in our past. Lady, all of human history happened in your past!

Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow! I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation.

Attention... all personnel evacuate the planet immediately. And not just because it's meat loaf night. Come along, Lemon, before this whole dump blows up. Uh, Commander... could you tell me when the bomb is exploding? Of course, my significant soldier. The bomb is voice activated.

Clear. Ready to hoist? Ready. Ow! My first space delivery. Greetings, moon man. We come in peace.

Mind if I give the eulogy?

That poor turtle. Bender, are you crying? Uh, no. Never.

If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing.

Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

Ooh, yeah, that's the stuff! Men love it when you really glob it on.

Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!

One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed, you old bat. Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

So, do you guys know about anything else going on? Because I'm totally still ready to party. There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad. Where did it all come from? Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all. We stole it! Oh, crumb!

Guh. Because nobody wears them anymore.

The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin. That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad. (ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection.

You were saying, Mr. Fry? I'm from the 20th century. Go ahead. Ask me anything. Very well. What device invented in the 20th century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes? Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite.

Hey, there, Amy. Like you to meet my buddy, joe. Sorry I'm late. My pool game ran long at the jazz club. Kids love him.

We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

You know, I was God once. Yes, I saw. You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good.

That's not for you to know.

But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

You're in tremendous danger, you idiot!

Our ninth finalist, Miss Methane Planet-- Halatina Smogmeyer. And our tenth and final finalist Miss Earth's Moon-- The Crushinator.

Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back.

Hurry, hurry! Pharaoh's coming! Get that nose in place! Come on!

(SNORING) (YAWNS) Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So, what do we got to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple? I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots.

Oh, I just hope that mysterious dragon ghost doesn't show up at the lab again. But why would a ghost want to stop the Globetrotters from practicing? And against a team of clones, no less.

Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail, and all? I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer.

I just want to show those poor, disadvantaged orphans that they can succeed in life. Ugh. You are the worst kind of rich person. Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini I like to relax with a spinach martini

Let me ask you a serious question, Leela. Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well?

Is that a problem? Indeed so. At this rate, by Tuesday it will be Thursday. By Wednesday, it will be August. And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it. I'll have to ask you to clear out now. The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big--

I still remember the combination. Three. It's stuck. The Achilles' heel of the Ronco design is its structural resonance frequency. Allow me.

We're going to die! It's every man for himself! Help me, Leela! Whoo! You did it. We're safe.

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion! Last one. Oh!

What's with the kamikaz-bees? Man, my hive's been going buck-wild since these blood-ganking butt crabs moved in. Been there, done that. They're all infected, just like the bees on Earth.

(IN DEEP VOICE) Down. And she doesn't even want to cuddle anymore. She just wants to hit me with various chairs. You're lucky. I can't even get Leela to verbally abuse me. All right, listen up. We're out of Nectar, and we need a new source.

Sturdy shelves, good security... this place has class. Hey, sugar cookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time.

But I'm not a robot like you! I don't like having disks crammed into me. Unless they're Oreos. And then only in the mouth. Don't you understand? I'm gonna die here. Ah, quit your belly-achin' and take it like a robot. Change places!

Thank you. What the hell were you doing? I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills?

You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did. (SIGHS) But no one will ever believe me. Yes. They will. I'll vouch for you. No. They won't believe you either.

A rusty sword for practicing proctology In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp

Move it out. Stop crying, Leela. Zoidberg, are you coming?

Oh! And on the way, drop off Fry and Bender at karate class. Oh, right, it's Wednesday! Today we're gonna learn spinny kicks! (BOTH CHEERING)

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money. What? Hey! Quit it! Ah-roooo!

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will?

Did you approve that awful ad, Fry? Yes, I did, Leels, and I'll tell you why. Because it grows the brand. Oh, Lord.

You'd rather sit in prison than spend one evening with the Zapper? Much rather.

Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. Wait. There's someone you know. Oh... can't you leave me alone?

Hey! A body! Buff, tan--

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope.

So what is it this time? Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing.

If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

(BELCHING) Bort. It's a small part of this girl's breakfast. Whoa, whoa! (SCREAMS) (SPLUTTERING) (BOTH LAUGHING)

Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia? Big rats there. Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee.

Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already! Yes. I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC.

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy.

We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out. (SIGHS) Then we have no choice. We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started.

I am pleased to welcome you to Robot Heaven. Shut up, God! Beg pardon?

What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right! I'm back in the saddle. We couldn't disarm the bomb so we reset the word that triggers it. It's from the list of words you almost never say. That's using your ass.

until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you.

Thank you. It was cold on the floor. Here, Professor, I got you a program. Oh, good. just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

Anybody's else for Nutley? Baby, wait. You didn't show me your surprise.

You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots. Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus.

Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!

But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done. You're the best around and nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the beSt around and nothing's gonna ever keep you down

Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take!

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals. Whoa. Wow! That guy must be, like, the world's greatest bender!

I'm not sure science is your thing, seeing how that chimp at the zoo tricked you out of your allowance. Yeah, well, I'll show you and Mr. Bananas. Anyway, I've got nothing better to do while I'm sick in bed. Wait, that's it! I'll make a space experiment about the common cold. Where's that contest flyer? You're holding it, genius.

Yes, sir, many of these entries merit a ride in the mighty bosom of our space shuttle. And then there's your so-called entry. (SNEEZES) Jeez! Walk much, Gedgie? Absurd. You really think your guinea pig can survive in the vacuum of space?

Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman. Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo!

It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: From the "Rowdy" Roddy Piper Daycare Center in Glasgow, Scotland, it's Extreme Toddler Wrestling! (BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh!

It is! friendship, then I'll sell Planet Express... for you. Millionaires, nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo!

Harpoon, my ass. Okay. Let's see now. Which bait to use... crickets, squid chicken necks? Excuse me. If I might be so bold, I'm willing to offer my services as a bait critic.

not having to talk. Shut up! I'm watching the thing! So am I, buddy, so am I. Now, that's more like it. Always leave them wanting more. That's the secret.

(LEELA READING)

Then what are those? Crocodiles. We keep them as pets. Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend. Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe in... El Chupanibre.

Is everybody in position? What? Is someone talking? Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown!

Will you at least keep this photo? Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me? You keep it. I'll remember you in here. (SNIFFLES) I wish I could remember with my boobs.

I swear, in the presence of these drunken bums, that I shall defeat Elzar! Oh, I'm not drunk. I'm mentally ill. But I likes what-what you said.

and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company. You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets?

Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle.

He's too far out! We can't reach him! With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act. I feel like a rat.

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just--

It's Amy. We're saved. Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?

Hello. Bonjour. Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions? Why, certainly. Step over here. These are the dark-matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours.

you'll be towing the juan Valdez,

We've been sailing for three weeks. Maybe I should check our position with the periscope. Aye, up! Mirrors reflecting mirrors? High-tech sorcery! Sorcery, I say! Did you see anything?

Now, how about a rose for the lady?

That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh! Ah... prewar scotch.

The Cavern on the Green.

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome, handsome. Halt, fellow robot! Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass.

in our escapades. Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours.

Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness. Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine. Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm.

Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate!

You smell kind of nice. (INHALES DEEPLY) Smell... Yeah. Huh? KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky. Everyone sleep in separate rooms. Good night, Kif. Night, Fry. Huh? Keep your door unlocked tonight.

It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh!

You poor little guy.

Because I'm the commissioner of the Butterfly Derby. I'm Abner Doubledeal. Hello. But we lost.

Man! The ad said to allow four to six seconds for delivery. Hmph! More like seven. Oh! I'm really starting to swell up with beer. I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow.

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

There is a nexus point between universes... at the space/time where you entered the cryogenic tube. You, and only you, can return there.

What difference does it make? When that death sphere gets to Earth, we'll all be blown to manwich meat. Well, I guess it's time to indulge in some end-of-the-world debauchery. Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah. Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.

Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented. You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right.

That's my favorite kind of "this."

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes.

We found it! The honeycomb hideout! Hey, what's this goop? Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen. Bees make honey and jelly? Huh!

Prepare to enter...

Do it. Bash my head in. (COUGHS) Wha... What is that? Mustard gas? That ain't legal. Ain't you heard of no Geneva Convention? (SCREAMING) (GASPS) That was amazing. Oh, you were so brave and frugal.

Thanks, handsome. Please, do not be frightened. We're harmless. I have three arms. I said harmless, not armless.

I love you. Don't you love me? Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman.

Did you say something, dearie? I'm a bit hard of hearing.

Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible.

Ugh. Out. Yeah! Yay! What just happened? Why is the ball on that sproingy thing? It's traditional, just like aluminum bats and the seventh-inning grope.

(ALL COUGHING, GASPING) A greater tragedy my eyes have never beheld. Well, into the toilet.

The good news is, they can't start breeding. The bad news, everyone, is, the beast reproduces asexually. A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring.

(HEARTBEAT) No!

You know, Testsicles. According to government records the only names not yet trademarked are Popplers and Zitsels.

Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh? It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

But do we really have the pure strength of will? I say we do! Now, are we gonna let ourselves get beaten by an old lady? - Yes, my liege. - No, we're not!

Translation-- boring.

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up.

must win at least one game of chess,

I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg.

We can worry about that in the morning.

Ladies and gentlemen the Omicronians! Greetings, Earth morsels. You suck! Get a job!

Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon. Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar.

"dripping from pores in the ceiling. "Dripping and dripping, year upon year, "century upon century..."

Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks.

Infusing female oil! Removing item. We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it!

Me crush with club. That's so interesting. Maybe we could get to know each other over a coffee. I can think of no better place for this center of diplomacy than here in orbit around the Neutral planet.

Yes! Which is why we'll market it as "new Slurm." Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh.

Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore.

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm!

Hey, trainer, we got a big bout next week. Juice us up. Sorry, gals. I'm all out. These two just bought my entire supply. (LAUGHING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System.

DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

(MAN EXCLAIMS) Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo. Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that!

and make the audience wait for it to start.

Ah, time for my precious 10:00 a.m. meeting. Where in Legoland is LeeLa? I'm here, and I'm getting along just fine, thank you. My walk to work just took a little longer today than usual. Nibbler took me through the zoo for some reason.

Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-Olympic- gold-medal-winning fembots. From this day forth, I shall do so whenever possible. Golly! What? Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this."

No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned.

Also, the males are layin' eggs.

See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are! I'm sleepwalkin'. Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

whose good looks are apparently discernible across vast distances and through solid metal. But wait, the leader of the attack is swaggering out of his ship and up to a convenient nearby microphone. Now, why couldn't I have just described his appearance at this point?

No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so. Watch the neck. Watch the neck! My ass!

Robots don't say "ye." Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol? That's a plus sign, you pointy-head loony! Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me. Ah... Say, check out the money I found. It fell off a chump. (LAUGHS) Hey, Professor,

Ah, shucks, thunder buns. You make me feel like a million volts. Oh, Flexo, Flexo, Flexo. I'm startin' to remember why I fell for you in the first place. So, she's fallin' for Flexo, eh? I'd better seduce her a little more, just to be sure.

Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh!

Look at these swanky tombs. These people really know how to die. Are you crazy? They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments. Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him. I think I'm gonna like it here.

What did I do to deserve this? Behold, our once beautiful mutagenic sewage lake. The radioactive waste you've dumped in it has made it bright enough... to see how ugly we really are.

The people of that village pray for wealth. That was a... practice miracle.

Uh, brunch. Right. I better warn-- tell-- warn-tell the others. Okeydokey.

No! I'm having fun and a sardini! 15 black. ALL: Aw...

I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me? You can't go in because you'll melt. The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite!

With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm... fry, throw in the towel. For God sakes, Fry!

He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Very well. Let there be light! I got it! I got it!

Help! Mechanical man overboard! Go after him, Leela!

I feel like a mindless zombie. I wish I knew how long we've been waiting.

Before we deliver these weapons,

Don't worry, Fry. Things look bad, but I still have a trump card.

I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents. Leela, I've got a plan.

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't.

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

It all started with Nixon's promise to build an alien-proof fence around the solar system. Without cheap alien labor for menial jobs like harvesting crops, teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what?

Look, why don't all of you just back off? Can't a girl enjoy herself without being judged? Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder. She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela.

I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead. Up next, the fembot bending competition.

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on,

Fry! If I drop dead from exhaustion, make sure my body freezes in a dignified position! None of that "huddled over for warmth" crap. Behold! The Monastery of Deshuba. I must leave you now, for I am not holy enough to enter.

(GRUNTING) (HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no.

Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control.

My hair! My wedding cake! Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah!

My life is ruined. Well, just do a dramatic pause. That always cheers you up. Never again. I'll never pause again. Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking.

Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina scan your fingerprint or your colonic map on file. Yeah, well, I did open the account over a thousand years ago. What about my A.T.M. card?

Right now, I feel sorry for you. You do? Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye. You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady. And so we say "good-bye"

All kinds. Ah... Make it two,

Am I a robot? If this is some kind of scam, I don't get it. You already have my power of attorney. Fry! My skin! Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow!

This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry. Previously on All My Circuits.

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution?

How do you plead? Your Honor, I move for a mistrial on the grounds that I'm also having a hot, naked affair with the foreman of this jury. I'll see you during the recess.

And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live. There's still too many things I don't own. Then live on, forever cursed. Each night, your attacks will become more gruesome until one dark night you are doomed to kill your dearest friend.

I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy. Wait, uh...

Leela, no means no. Oh, my. There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. And that's the ultimate secret of the universe? Apparently so. Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Dear Liza.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks? Who put this in here?

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

- There's a dam! - Damn! There's a grate! Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this.

I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight? I hate partying. If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby. Why does everything I date run away? I love Leela, always and forever,

Ooh, yeah, baby! Oh, stop.

Hail! Hail! Hail! So after I specifically asked you not to touch anything you drank a bottle of strange blue liquid. It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor. Excuse me, Your Majesty I am Murg, the high priest.

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here!

No. That's not necessary, really. I think I hear my factory recalling me. That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you.

Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry. Especially after I made a complete eel out of myself. No biggie. Yes, biggie. I learned to feel things I've never felt before-- Love, jealousy, passion for disemboweling. I owe it all to you.

(BUZZER SOUNDS) Okay. Before those Pilates Nazis come goose-stepping in and take the room,

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn. Thus begins their 1000-mile journey back to the exact stream in which they were born. So how do we find our way home? Nobody knows!

I'm up to something here. I want this robot fixed-- fixed like Kennedy fixed the 1960 election. Damn bean-eating war hero. Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

(FRUSTRATED CRY)

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

We're trying our best. Your best is an idiot.

Hey, rich girl! Look over here. It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. La-la-la, look at my head it's okay to look at my head I got a big ol' head And hey! Ho!

To the sub-basement!

for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis. Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so-called Homo habilis.

So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything. No, it doesn't.

And as a further cost-cutting measure I have eliminated the saltwater cooler. This is a witch hunt. Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day.

The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood.

Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY)

I try to get out, but they keep pullin' me back in! Wangle a new dangle on life No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way. I'm sad now. Eh, it's fine.

Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business. Image, people! Image! Scope out this new ad!

Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret.

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried.

Oh, Danny boy Ohh! Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was. Yes, there is, Bender. Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back, the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this--

I don't even know you. Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

Good news, everyone.

You got knocked up by a police officer while he was looking for your kidnapped child? Sure did! I still got it. So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy. Should we call child services? No, let's just get outta here.

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

U.F.O.! U.F.O.!

So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet.

Another bathroom? No, it's a mobile apartment with no rent. Come on, Fry. Get up. Ah...

All right, I'll go.

Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset. That don't sound like no golden marmoset I ever heard.

Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless. If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

Yeah, I'll keep the kidney cool, no problem. (CHUCKLING)

This is an emergency.

Oh, I trust you. I trust you, too.

HERMES: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow, we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat. (YELLING)

What the... Good afternoon. I am Mr. Astor. I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there.

I know. A skunk knocked over my garbage and suddenly, all I could think of was you. My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep.

I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends?

(GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it.

You can't own property, man. I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippie. What do you people want? We're with Mankind for Ethical Animal Treatment. Popplers are living creatures. You've got to stop harvesting them for food. Or what?

"Build-a-Bot Workshop." It's time to start living again. At least it's something to distract me from Leela.

my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh. Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

Uncle Zoid, you're looking young enough to be thrown back. Rich nephew! Come over here... and give your uncle a nice, big meal.

And we can use this machine gun to shoot them! Yee-haw!

Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma.

I've got one more shenanigan up my sleeve. But you promised us way-back ice cream. Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime. With that odious robot barred from the grounds, the weekly hunt is hereby called once more to order.

Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh? It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

Can't you ask a little more sexfully? Please... Big z. Certainly.

such as like this there. But that table's already-- Ah, let me bus that for you gentlemen. No. What I meant to do Was-- I can't believe this. Mind your own business and get out!

Do you mean him or me? - Him. - Oh. Next: New New York in crisis. Morbo? Thanks, human female. Puny earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York.

I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry? Fry, this is for you. Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

The Spidarians, though weak and womanlike on the battlefield, are masters of the textile arts.

Then the prosecutor will call his first witness. Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury. I'm going to allow this.

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges. But the ship is dirty. Whatever. I ran out of film an hour ago.

Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Yes, yes. You a big, squishy wuss.

The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away!

(BUCKLES CLICK) Okay, G.I. Zapps. Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men."

Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea. Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed.

Hurray! (SCREAMS)

Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else! (WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous? MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling.

Curses, I didn't get my hands on those healthy purpleberries.

I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out. Ohh. Well, I'm off. Wait! We can hide you!

This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

Kid, that was great. You got us more publicity than a cowboy in a shark tank. Poor Tex. He was quite a shark.

This pair have been our most popular specimens yet. Especially the male. I've never seen one have so much trouble with zippers. As fun as it is to watch Fry try and operate his pants, you can't keep him and Leela here against their will.

Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do! - So long! - Sayonara. Bye-bye! Good riddance! - Yup! - Toodle-oo.

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either.

I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

The year was 2019 and I was just a lowly robot arm working in an automotive research lab.

(SNIFFING) Hmm. It seems Fry's inexplicable sex appeal is due to the butterfly pheromone he was sprayed with. But Amy and Leela aren't butterflies. Right? No, but thanks to the damned butterfly nectar they've been swilling, they might as well be.

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus-- What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation.

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park.

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes. You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?!

I was waiting for one of us to say that.

star of the hit film, Bravehead.

I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you it won't be A stylish marriage I can't afford A carriage

Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce... the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him.

It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

All right. This is for their own good. Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families. But they're so cute. No, you can do this.

It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti.

Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar? Sounds kind of alien. The voters hate aliens. They sure do, but this guy's as human as you or me. I don't care what he is. We'll start a rumor that he's an alien. Hey, yeah. That'll cost him votes. Then, when he says he was born on this planet, we make him cough up his Earth certificate.

Can you translate it? Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three. A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy. Very well.

Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

Five hundred dollars, you say? Dog food, you say?

We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

My name's Hubert. All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow. Men are very rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are prized. Tonight, please be the guests of honor at our fertility banquet.

You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

Well, Omicron Persei Eight is about 1,000 light-years away so the electromagnetic waves would just recently have gotten there. You see-- Magic. Got it.

(BOTH MOANING) We did it! We kicked Nectar's butt!

There it is-- The Near Death Star.

It fits! Then you must know that I'm-- Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

And me? I'm making my spice-weaseled bratwurst outta pork. So you are using pork! Pork that's been aged for 3,000 years! Bam! Man! I can't beat that with a Craigslist pig. Sorry, Grundy. I'll have to kill you later for some other reason.

I wrote this one-man show years ago, but I... I never cared enough to perform it. Until now. This is going to be the greatest career resurrection since Jesus, Aloha from Hawaii.

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at?

I was like, "Save them!" And he was all, "No problem."

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh... Come on, Fry, walk like a robot. I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans.

Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can. Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela?

I'll take two pounds. Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry?

Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out.

Nice try, but even this discovery won't undo the treachery wrought by your nefarious ancestor, David Farnsworth. It will if we go back in time and stop him! (COUGHING) (ALL GASPING)

Okay, that's a good point. Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers! Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by Fry!

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis. He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so.

Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair! You sayin' my son's a Commie? Groady leans into the pitch-- It hits him!

So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See? (ALL SHRIEKING) So, you all done with the computer?

Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks?

Did it just get warmer?

It's okay, Jrrr.

Hello? Anybody? Fry? (EXCLAIMS) Bender? Are you in here? In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself.

- Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda? Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something.

Great list. Except you forgot episode 66.

industrialist, private eye, friend. Mind if I give the eulogy? Calculon! You're alive! Yay! Calculon's back! Right. So long.

Brace for emergency landing!

Give it to us straight, Professor. How incredibly deadly is it? We don't know. It could kill millions or nobody. I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life.

(YELLING) It's not responding! Command Center, override! Override! (BEEPING) Oh, no. It's achieved consciousness! God forgive us for creating this. Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop!

Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here. Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender?

You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Guards? Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere. Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly... - Out of the way! - I need... Move!

I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles.

That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it! Ah! Home, sweet head.

all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution. Philip, until I find a suitable model of an I.C.B.M., You'll have to make do learning to fear this toy spacecraft.

But, sir, children watch this show. Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is-- being filthy rich, that is!

Ick! Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order.

Someone's acting awfully aluminum. Leela, my sweet, I've come to save you.

I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go. Pick up the pace, lady! I'm sick of shaking my booty for these fat jerks. Uhh, I didn't mean you're all fat-- just fatso there.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom - Oy

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC-- - What the-- - Hey, man.

A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere The way they show they care Makes me want to say It's a beautiful world Ooh! (LAUGHING) It's a beautiful world

This company's on the fast track to the "It List." Blast fax kudos all around! Uh, hello? We haven't made one delivery since you two took over. Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business.

Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo!

That's true. By current academic standards you're merely a high school dropout. What?! That's not fair. I deserve the same respect any other college dropout gets. By God, I'm going to enroll here at Mars University and drop out all over again.

That took longer than I expected. Quick, into the ship's panic room! I didn't know we had a panic room. Me, neither. It really could have come in handy, like, 50 times. We'll be safe in here.

No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels. No liquor?! Dosvedanya, comrade! No!

Also Pisces. We're all Pisces.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

First of all, Dr. Zoidberg, do you even have a medical degree? I lost it... in a volcano.

We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum.

I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't! There. Today's story is from Muteen Magazine. Who would you rather hear about, Four-legged Chachi or Tentacle Chachi?

Hey, Mr. Perfect, you wet the chair. Huh? It wasn't me. Must be some of that urine you're all so proud of. That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS)

Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city? Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done.

This ain't good. System error.

Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad.

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes.

Hey, unless this is a nude love-in get the hell off my property. You can't own property, man.

The murderer. It was... I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

(ALL REACTING WITH DISGUST) You ate my kidney? I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches! You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney! I'm sorry. I just get really hungry around 11:30.

Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue! Well, it took an hour to write I thought it would take an hour to read. What are we supposed to do now?

It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather.

Cool! A Star Trek convention!

(RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound?

What the-- I call top bunk. My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species. Ah, Fry. I see you've met Guenter.

Question. Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free-- You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "to get the free food!"

Our only hope is to communicate with the aliens, and show them our peaceful intentions. Perhaps they speak perfect English, as do we. (LAUGHS) We can't take that chance. We'll need my universal auto-translator. This is my universal auto-translator. That will show them our peaceful intentions. The only question is who should be our spokesman? Me, me. Choose Zoidberg. Zoidberg a diplomat?

(GARBLED) I is Davy Farnsworth. Foof. You're a disgrace to the very name, Farnsworth. Look out! He's got a bezelling planisher. That's right. Who wants to be bevelled? (BOTH GRUNTING)

Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that? I'm 12. Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship?

But I was captured and imprisoned. Fools! Then you arrived and provided me a means of escape. Get to the point, flame-o. If I can't rule the sun, I shall ignite your planet and rule here instead. So you set all those fires.

Wait. That's the bead you traded your land for? It's a gigantic diamond! That thing must be worth a fortune! Really? Ahh! Whew!

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare! Sorry, buddy. Here you go. Thank you. It was cold on the floor.

Faster! Faster!

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain. How is that good news? It's not. I've run out of Good News brand herbal supplement.

Ew! She's Scottish. I lance her every few months, but she always grows back.

Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

Half date. Waiter. Bring us a bottle of wine. Half bottle. And some oysters on the half shell. Quarter shell. Oh, and I'd like-- Kif's not hungry. Kif, this place is expensive. I'd like two steaks, and the ladies will have some very sensual salads... with low-cal sensual dressing.

No, no, this won't do. A three-month calendar? What is this, Mercury? I told you it wouldn't work. Well, you should have talked louder. Fortunately, I came up with a brilliant idea to save Planet Express. We'll turn it into a commercial airline! But that was my idea!

(BABY CRYING) (CRYING STOPS) (SNORING) (SIGHS)

A place no one could object to. That sounds wonderful. I'd like an extra-beautiful bouquet, for my extra-gorgeous sweetheart. Average, please.

Bender should go to Us People's office in Hollywood - and see if they'd like his Calculon pictures. (SCOFFS) I have no time for such foolishness. Well, I changed my mind and came to Hollywood after all.

You know, we never thought about it. We're famous celebrities. We're used to this sort of treatment. It is I!

Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees.

Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Adios! (CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

All right, break it up, you two.

Do it! It is your destiny! Funny thing about destiny. Sometimes fate has other plans.

He loves bending, just like me. Aw! I'm gonna call him Ben after the first half of me, Bender. (BURPS) That's my bastard.

Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm.

Lovely, isn't it? Yeah. But only 93% as lovely as you. Oh, Bender. Either that was a computing error or you're the most romantic robot I've ever met. I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain.

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes?

What is the matter with you?

It may comfort you to know Fry's death took only 15 seconds, yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels.

There. Pretty long, eh? Yeah, it's really long but what did you just turn on with it? Oh, that's just the what-if machine I invented. You pose it a "what if" question and it generates a video simulation of what would happen.

Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep! Oh, thank you. Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing.

Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm classic and make billions. Oh... oh.

Now that's the God I know.

You Clobberella

SHABBA-DOO: Got himself a full wackademic scholarship. And we never saw him again. We couldn't let you end up like your older brother.

Give it to me straight, Doctor. Don't sugarcoat it. Very well. Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiancée crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer.

So, where are we going anyway? Nowhere special-- The Moon. The Moo-- The Moon?

What are those worms doing to Fry's brain? They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power. My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher. Ah, the scent of a rose.

Hey, Professor. Mmm. Great jerky. Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

Food goes in the disposal. Hair and flesh go in the trash. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Well, wait. Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.

The 1-X robots are my friends. W-W-Wait! What happened to your enthusiasm for stabbin' them? I'm past that. Later, blood. It's like he's not him anymore. You took away his robo-humanity!

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Listen, you filthy crab. A thousand years ago there was a legendary team of jamaican bobsledders. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics then retired to promote alcoholic beverages. A true inspiration for the children.

(LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis. I like how you didn't get drunk and steal anyone's organs, like our old robot. Bender? Bender, it's me, Fry! Heeyah!

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about.

You two have really learned the power of trust. Get away from us, you monster. (LAUGHS) Don't worry. There isn't really a monster. And no one really got eaten. The whole thing was just part of our team-building experience. And you two did terrific.

I guess it's up to me to complete the mission.

Behold, the one commandment. Make it a double!

Thank you, nephew. Now I can die happy,

Oh! Oh, my God!

The important thing is we found you a new man. A captain. Oh, Mom, I don't-- Hi. Hello.

You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry.

(SPUTTERS) (EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie?

You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land.

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me?

Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne.

Hooray! They're letting us out! And hundreds of black hovercopters are coming to welcome us!

Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer. Well, I have studied abroad... or two. Captain... Uh-huh?

Hey, buddy. Yo! You mind taking your head off? I'm sorry, sir, but I need it to watch the movie. just ask flabby over here to describe it to you, later. Sir, she is as the factory made her. Well, they should have stopped making her about halfway through.

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line. Ready? (ENGINES REVVING)

Maybe that planet over there has a drive-thru. A Burger jerk or a Fishy joe's or a Chiseler or something. Don't get your hopes up. We're a billion miles from nowhere. Yeah, it's probably only got a Howard johnson's.

I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard.

You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron!

You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive. But the right to freedom of expression... is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution. Ah-roo. Maybe so. But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

He'd better be. That's what we pay him for, right, Slurms? Right! In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired.

Frankly, she's just a brainless mound of scabs and puss. (EXCLAIMS) I didn't need to hear that. No, and you don't need to see this. AUTOMATED VOICE: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

I'll just have everything on the menu.

We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. Wow. The Zapp Brannigan?

Oh, my God! Huh? - What the hell have you done, Fry? - Relax.

It's some kind of kooky half gun, half knife. Now empty out the register! And no bag, please. I care about the environment. I have $3 in moldy pennies. It's all yours. That's generous of you. Oh, no, you don't, Mr. Big Jerk! I have nothing to live for, so I don't mind telling you,

It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you?

That's three dead. Let's pick up the pace, people. At this point in the actual war, the death toll was 98 million.

Oh, no, no. God, no.

You come to the right joint, ace. I'll take this one. Classy choice, chief. She'll crap her pants. That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones. Hello, stranger. This is my first time here.

ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy

It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right. This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies.

Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity. You bastard! They treated me like an animal! And that's what I became! Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy.

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time. But I'm the real professor. I can prove it.

Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny?

Wow! You guys run numbers? Well, nothing fancy-- you know, ones and zeros mostly.

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

My personality is mathematically derived from my movies, proportionately weighted by box office receipts.

Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda.

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God!

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable. What do you heads do all day?

Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented. You call that talent?

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point? I've never been able to put into words how I feel about you.

Good evening. Who are you calling drunk? You're not drunk. I'm drunk. That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today.

Good news, multiplayers.

Children, your old mother won't be around forever.

I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish. (SNIPPING)

and another tequila slammer? Please? Don't you sweet-talk me, ya wrinkly old tube sock! May I have one too, wife? Ah, you're both pathetic-- being jealous of your own offspring. Now, you should be happy that they became successes... instead of following in your food stamps.

One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

There are 40 billion hungry people on this planet, many of whom will pay top dollar for one of my pine-u-porks. (OINKING) MOM: Find yourself a porcupine, blast some pig DNA into it, microwave till juicy. (DINGS) And bang! You've got a cocktail treat complete with built-in toothpicks.

I'm here to conduct the exorcism and avail myself of the buffet. Can I get an amen and a goodly helping of Scruffy's famous corn biscuits? Right away, Reverend. Oh, lord. I got the too-much-macaroni sweats. Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS)

I said hand it over. I'm hungry! (ALL EXCLAIMING) For God's sake, woman, just give him your skin!

Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job. Welcome aboard, son. Father-O!

I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Did one of you chicks change the thermostat? Tomorrow morning, this planet makes its closest pass to the sun. You will all be boiled alive, like retired circus animals, unless you somehow can cross the great Alkali Plains and reach shelter in the Cave of Harmony.

(BELL TOLLING) Nope. (BIRD CHIRPING) Nope. (BABY MOBILE TINKLING) Man, I always wanted to ride in that stroller. But nope. Where could I have heard that music? Yo, Cosmic F. What up? Hey, my old break dancing crew.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy.

Okay, they got everything you need here. Booze, a couple of peanuts-- They got a crapper in the back. That's one of the things you kids do, right? Yeah! Then knock yourself out.

What a fool I was! If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot. But I was tired and in love. Take me now, you stud!

How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy? No, no. No one's saying that. But I'm certainly thinking it loudly.

Hey, Kool-Aid's here. No, child. That's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot. And I'm gonna tell you all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat. How about I just lay down? (TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow! I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead?

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee!

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity. We could sing "American Pie." Go ahead. I deserve it. I wish those stupid raccoons had never brought me to the future.

you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! Pretty tantalizing though. Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted.

They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter

And I'm gonna show him what that means. To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

You know, boy, this was the last time I ever saw my family. (SNIFFLES) (BLOWING NOSE) (BARKING EXCITEDLY) Geez, Philip, I just put Seymour out. Now he's tracking stink in here.

Wow! Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

- What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was--

This is my universal auto-translator. That will show them our peaceful intentions. The only question is who should be our spokesman? Me, me. Choose Zoidberg. Zoidberg a diplomat? The list of things I've heard now contains everything. Hear my words. My shell may be tough, like a samurai honeymoon mask,

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water!

You're a male. And I'm a female. I'm still not following you.

Overruled! The choice of champions is Pabst Blue Robot.

Ready for processing!

(MOCK FRENCH ACCENT) Oh. This never happens, I swear. There's no time to lose.

I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up! So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire grunka-lunkas at half the cost?

My name is Ladybuggle and I huggle all my friends I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends Doingg, doingg, doingg They call me Princess Num Num I'm as sweet as sticky buns I'm Feffernoose. Hello.

Who put this in here? No!

pumping is just a primitive degenerate form of bending. Wh-Wh-Whoa! Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Son of a...

NIXON: Telegram!

What turned them to stone? Da Vinci was history's greatest artist and inventor. Voila! He invented flying machines, war engines, submarines. Uh-oh. Nibbler died in the wall.

I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished.

Oh, mama. Hold still, sexy lady. What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Hey, look! There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy. Yes, sir, Captain.

I wouldn't, but I'm smart.

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender.

Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid. Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie.

No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop! Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

with my own friends and credit cards and keys.

No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence?

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works.

He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Another brain Let's see if he feels pain A brand-new brain It might drive him insane He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Wah-ooh Wah-wah-ooh

What are you doing here?

Of course, any age-reversing effects will be purely temporary-- Ahh. Ooh! Oooh!

You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by.

Now let's concentrate on getting this desperately needed popcorn to the people of Cineplex Fourteen, okay? Leela, you've got mail.

(SCREAMS) Relax, Bender. I'll dry up that leak with this heating box. (GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers.

It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary? Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

I'm bored. You're boring, Zoidberg. I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus-- What the hell are you doing?

Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet. What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy.

I said it. (WAILING) (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) A tough act to follow.

And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING)

Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh? Oh... Oh, yeah, that feels a lot better. What? It's still on? Oh!

How'd you do it? Drugs in the champagne? Hypnosis? No! Drugs are for losers! And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows. I don't know what amazing thing I did to make you love me,

We are currently out of the following menu items. WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots?

Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you.

(GROANING) So you're alive, are ye? Ugh! I suppose you'll be wanting to keep your tooth fillin's.

Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything!

Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children! (SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs.

(HORSE WHINNYING) He has so much stuff. He won't miss this.

Is that it? Admit it! Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth. Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents! I'll kill you! That would be best.

Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

I don't hear any gasping. We all figured that out. Ohh.

I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get.

All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature. Why? It all start 30,000 year ago, in fertile Neander Valley. Life for our ancestors peaceful, until Homo sapiens arrive.

You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp.

Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go. It all started a century and a half ago. I had a perfectly normal adolescence in New New York.

You are now the greatest hero in Earth's history. Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

I'm awake! I'm awake! Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich!

Oh, why not? Might as well live it up as long as I got this catheter in me. Won't you join us, Mr. Blob? Sounds like a plan. This is what makes life worth clinging to. Three fathers enjoying a day out with their sons. It would seem we've taught our boys a lesson about life.

bend me, Shape me anyway you want me

it just comes back in a new form. Then he died. So next time you see a lowly salamander, think twice before you step on it. It might be you.

will you... (SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having. (CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

Boo! Bring on Bender! Boo! Bender's the greatest! Sorry, kid. You're flailing up there.

Who are you? I saw you in the chat room

I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea. Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this!

Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry.

Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead. He's whippin' angels now.

If only I could hear your voice again.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmmmmm. Mwuh!

Ah! I'm hit. Oh, God, it... NIXON: Tickles. Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards!

Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Ladies and gentlemen and Smizmars welcome to tonight's main event. In this corner, from Mom's Friendly Robot Factory in America's heartland, Mexico-- Bender!

Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face! Leonardo, stop!

And without me, there is no mission. I am the mission! We're back from the mission! What-What-- You went without me?

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket. (FRUSTRATED CRY)

Neither did I... Oh. (GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie.

(BELL CLANGS) (GRUNTING) (YELLING) (CROWD CHEERING) (BELL CLANGS) (YELLS) Oh, my. (BELL CLANGS)

(SIGHS) Instead of making the ship faster, how about installing some seat belts? Seat belts are dead weight. I feel the need for speed! Yes, but I feel the nafety for safety. Oh, fuff! I don't get all up in your business when you upgrade your bazooms!

Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

And now a man who needs no introduction. Fry! Get up there! Thank you.

All right, buddy, step away from the head. I'm going to get 24th century on his ass. Please, officers, there's no need to use force.

So, where's the fire this time? Here.

That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with the super-dense substance known as dark matter each pound of which weighs over 10,000 pounds. Wait. What about the animals? Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel.

I am not under stress, damn it! Everything's going to be all right, Leela. What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw. I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care Bender crack corn and he is great Take that, you stupid corn

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck!

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot. Oh, you're a real dreamboat-- Billy Everyteen. Harmless fun? Let's see what happens next.

Good news! Nobody has to kill him after all. Because he already died! (GASPS) T.! (SOBS) (BOTH SOB)

Yes, you are a cutie pie.

Grunka lunka dunkity dingredient You should not ask about the secret ingredient. Okay, okay, we get the point. I was just curious because of the armed guards. Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Shut the hell up!

No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry. There it is-- The Near Death Star.

(WHOOPS) Yeah... Monogamous? MAN ON RADIO: And now, a long-distance dedication from a squishy, green bad boy to his pink pork dumpling. (MOTORCYCLE REVVING) At number 12, it's Wailing Fungus with Shut Up and Love Me.

Where's your candidate, Farnsworth? I have a long list of students to humiliate today. (DOOR CLANGING OPEN)

Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order...

It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true. Spit it out, Pookie. As I mentioned, I was present that night to ensure that Fry fell into the tube. I was standing here.

even between the insectoids and the space lizards. Hmm? So, what's it like on planet Amazonia?

Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you.

And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people? That's too painful to speak of now. Come. I'll show you your quarters.

Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no! Out of my way, wife! I wasn't cut out to be a bureaucrat anyway. I'm only anal 78.36% of the time.

Leela? Fry? I thought you were dead. Nope. I'm better than ever. Before the accident, I couldn't do this.

Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm! It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes? All right, but I wanna lick the beaters.

Cry baby! Look, I just have a common cold! It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl, and squirt it out. No, it won't.

This place never changes. Leela, what in the name of Jah happened? Too much papers! Not enough hiding plants! It's all right. This place just needs a one-hour bureaucratizing.

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid. In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

Now, your only chance is a classic death scene. One with a lot of "thy's" and "thou's." Voila. The tragic end of Rome O. and Julie T. That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy, by Will.i.am Shakespeare. Now, here's the poison that Romeo uses to kill himself. Don't worry, it's just water and food coloring. Food coloring?

Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees. So, Fry Atlanta was an American city in your time?

(ALL GASP) Bender, I've been looking for you. Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender? (EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close. Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past,

We're here to deliver a robot. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Looks like we've got a new office cutup.

Zoidberg, I'm sorry to break it to you this way, but we hate you and we never wanna see you again. But, friends... We're not your friends! We're your victims!

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"?

She's nuts! In a few moments, the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together... into a beautiful, eternal quantum singularity. You don't need to kill us, Planet Express Ship. Because... I love you.

So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug And cut! Ta-da! We got us a reality show. No writers, no actors, no problem.

But I thought you were terrified of outer space. I was, but then it hit me. If heaven's above us, then the whole universe is just God's glorious sewer.

Oh, yeah? Let's see how hard you're laughing when my doomsday machine chops off your face!

Where you going, Bender? To volunteer at a liquor kitchen for homeless robots. Yeah, right. As if you ever did anything charitable. I'm very generous. What about that time I gave blood? Whose blood? Some guy's. I've got to do something to show Leela how sorry I am. So what's the problem?

Dr. Zoidberg, you're amazing! I am? At last, recognition!

Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Billy, do you want to walk your dog? No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route... and earn some extra cash? No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together.

It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the--

Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No.

This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed. Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons.

Ah, the Xmas season. Who wants a delicious unshelled nut?

Dr. Zoidberg! Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops. FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine. Brilliant work, Clyde!

By my calculations, this head trip will last at most 24 hours. We need to stop that monster, David Farnsworth! Look at the date on this newspaper. April 17th, 1775. Say, on this exact date,

Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum.

Ooh, I know. My airbag. Leela. I'm coming to save the day. Hang on, Fry. You're just one death away from being saved. And then we can be marry me? Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready?

A neutopia. (LAUGHING) I enjoy humor where no one gets hurt. Your companionship is inoffensive, Hermes. Likewise. Really, what are we missing out on by not having sex right now? Well...

Only a few people in the whole universe can play that, and they're not very good at it. They don't have you to inspire them.

In fact, all life is extinct.

Oh, God, just kill us already.

Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm.

And above all, have fun. Chicka-dan-dan! Get on down!

I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me.

Leela, there's nothing wrong with anything.

Remember, our mission is simple-- Destroy all aliens. Er, um... not me, sir. Oh, yes... right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to. Oh, ho-ho.

Little to the right... there you go. Have you seen this robot? Sorry, can't help you. Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power!

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn. Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job.

Maybe. Yeah, probably.

I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well, there I was at Elzar's, eating a nice pork sundae,

Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh?

Look what you made me do.

Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

I've been ashamed of Susan as long as I can remember. You named your boil Susan? A boil kinna have a name? They also said a boil kinna sing, but... Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have. You really want a robot for a friend? Yeah, ever since I was six. Well, okay.

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot!

Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear? Mr. Ambassador, our people tell the same story. Oy. These balls are making me testy!

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine.

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro.

Tell me, Zaxxar, were you even born on Earth? Because the Earth constitution clearly states that only people born on Earth can be president. Isn't that right, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You Ruth Bader believe it! But I... Of course I was born on Earth.

The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve! (MILD APPLAUSE) Thank you, Great Reveal-o.

What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

the largest street-going vessel ever built.

Thanks, guys, but we have a lot of work ahead of us. If we're going to win the election, we've all got to get involved. You said it! That's right. If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job.

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt!

Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod! What happened up there, Johnny?

(GASPS) He really is gone! Everyone, put on your taking-off caps. Our what? It's a sign of respect, you savage!

Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him. He was my best friend, and I killed him. Oh! I never felt so empty inside.

It must be love.

Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry?

One bowl of mild farina.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

It's okay. I have an emergency phone. What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone again? Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet. I just wish a decent guy would call me... instead of this "spleazeball" who has me too terrified to even answer the phone. Hello?

a working pastry replica of downtown Venice.

Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation.

I can't swallow that. Well, then, good news! It's a suppository.

Remember that make-out session in that dark closet? You were like a machine. But I... Olive you. It's me, Fry! It sure is.

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea.

Sir, there aren't that many human beings. A thought occurs-- There aren't that many humans. We'll wait a few weeks while you shore up the numbers. Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

Of course. Why didn't I think of that? This is the saddest day of my life... and I still can't cry. Wait a second. Here comes Leela!

For the last time, I don't like lilacs.

Wait, you're making a-- Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess!

I must go. There is much to do.

Make Bender take a nap in a tube! Come back when I've had some sleep, baby.

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

And me, Zoidberg.

It might be you. Stand by for reincarnation.

Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice. I'm running late, and if I don't complete my brutal rampage, well, it just wouldn't be Xmas.

Son of a fish! Jumping is for suckers. I'm good! Who wants a piece of me?

Thank you. I have no idea what that means. You got a death wish, Professor. Something must've happened in your life that hurt you, just like us. In my case, it was verbal abuse. That's in the rearview mirror, baby. It wasn't what he said that hurt, it was what was left unsaid.

Fine, okay. About this conquering thing, (CHUCKLES) funny story...

great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that?

I like your style.

Could someone lower this thing for me? Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten! Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

The inevitable static discharge electrocuted Leela, and destroyed both of their short-term memories. So that's why I'm so amazed by these things I already knew. FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew.

(MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers! It's been a good run, people, but this is the end.

and I never even had a chance to thank him. Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever. (ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

Mr. Fry, I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the paleontologist who discovered your dog. Or, as some call it, the Beeler-saurus. So, do I get Seymour back? Are you caving to political pressure? No, we're sorry, but there's just too much that fossil can teach us... about dogs from your time.

I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it. Can't you help me? Yes, but you must be willing to pay a terrible price. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follow me.

Hey! Flexo! Get him!

(GRUNTS) (GIGGLES) Hey, he stopped screaming for a second! Bend some other stuff! (LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) Bend! Bend! He loves bending, just like me. Aw!

What was wrong with your date last night? I don't know. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Possibly his vile lizard tongue.

(SCREAMS) Dr. Banjo, surely we can discuss this like recently civilized beings. (GRUNTS) (EXCLAIMS) Cheese it! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (PANTING) (MONKEYS GIBBERING)

Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off.

Time and space are ripping apart at the seams. Oops. Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man.

I think it's Blotto-- that gangster I saw when my patch fell off. Professor? Where were you at 10:00 p.m. last night? Where am I now?

Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

Ow! Um, hi, Angleene. Whatcha up to?

And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us. You people aren't Santa. You're not even robots.

Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps. Clamps! No, no. Line? No!

I saw a frilly cake in here you would remember all your life. I know I will. Late at night it taunts me with its frosted beauty. Order the cake, damn it! I have something for you. A remote control? You got me a TV?

Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up.

Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Ouch. Ouch. Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on.

Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass. Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm going to be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you. MacZongo. Angus MacZongo. Major Angus MacZongo.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad!

different from the one you saw earlier! Hey! A body! Buff, tan-- Yeah. This is mine, all right. All right, you gas. What's the deal? Centuries ago, the videotaped adventures of the Enterprise crew...

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands.

...and someday, if my dreams come true, I'll be a bender, just like him. You must be so proud of your boy.

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

Will a money order be okay? Yes. So where's the celebrity dating place? Let's search the Web. Over there.

(LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate. What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information.

I'm getting reports that cities across the globe are being destroyed by this noble invader, whose good looks are apparently discernible across vast distances and through solid metal. But wait, the leader of the attack is swaggering out of his ship and up to a convenient nearby microphone.

(SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew! It's not the flowers. It's... (SNIFFS) Ah! Much better. You smell just like I dreamed you would.

LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter? BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE)

We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

Athletes, please take your lanes for the men's 500-meter limbo. Hermes Conrad, is that you inside that dumpy little fat man? Barbados Slim! What are you doing here? Last time I heard, you were in Barbados. Yes, and I'll be going back there with a gold medal...

Beachmaster, stop fighting! He's been dead since yesterday! What? He's dead? Whoo! I'm killin' dudes in my sleep! Yo! Clean up!

The Magnificent Three. Scene one, take one. And action! Take back your gilded pen, Father. Signing bills into law was always your dream, not mine. Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more!

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so. What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes.

I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship! You recorded that?

Are you two gonna be done soon? Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat... in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands... and they slide way across the room. Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed.

Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH) Ow! ANNOUNCER: And now, another downloadisode of The Real Housewives of Sim City.

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender?

Geez, with these... (ALL EXCLAIMING)

So why does my watch say 7:03? Of course. My watch is fast because it kept running every time I hit the button. So Leela's actually on time. Hi, Leela. Fry. It's okay, I'm gonna die happy. No, wait. I'll go back 10 seconds till when I was on the roof.

Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used. Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving?

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer!

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with. Hello, jerkbags!

Everything's going to be all right, Leela.

I find this postapocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out. That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000. Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all:

and my cleavage isn't helping. Not helping him. One more sudden shock will kill you. Sudden? That's just the kind of one more shock I was planning.

That's right, Linda. Water is now booze, and everyone's tiddy much protally fit-shaced. (HICCUPPING) Turning to sports, the Indy 500 was today. There were no survivors.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid.

(BOTH LAUGHING) (BOTH HOWLING) I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen. We got to get some dirt on this Travers guy.

You're 1,000 years old? Your bio says you're 27. Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion. I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny.

Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now.

(GULPING) (BURPING) Okay, we have shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation. It's pizza time! Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that.

Shut the hell up! Ow!

So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two.

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up.

A blank wall! Fame is mine!

I'm the Countess De La Roca. I was surprised to see another robot staying in first class. Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor." Oh, Mr. Bender. Please, call me Bender. Oh, well, goodness. I-i don't--

Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it!

Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you-- you no good fifty-six-ing-- Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome,

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea. Just when all hope was lost... (GASPS) The ship's escape pod!

Shall we review alphabetical order? A, B, C, D... Get out of my office! Yes, I'd like to request a death certificate.

Yep. That stands up to scrutiny. I should have listened to my crew. That space whale wasn't a monster. It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you. On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us.

That's enough out of you.

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

And remember: Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand. "Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp. Hey, Bender, sounds like you could use a little of that oil. Hamboned.

Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape! Listen, big guy. Now that you're my protÉge,

Yes, you can! The beauty was in your heart, not your hands.

Stop the execution! Leela! Fifteen. Negative eight. You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus.

Hi, Zapp. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner tonight with me and my mom. You know, to celebrate your genuine love for her. Sounds good. And don't forget my genuine love for Parmezian cheese. Shall we say about 7:58? Precisely?

(MURMURING) Welcome, museum members, or as I like to call you, future exhibits.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future.

Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma. Have you seen Fry? Fry? He went to get you a burrito at the gas station. Awesome. You got to love a dude that brings the munchie.

Can anyone drive stick? I can-- As long as I don't have to parallel park. If they try to take off, give 'em an ass full of laser.

There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum. Well, could I at least get some encouragement?

You're going... (IN DEEP VOICE) Down.

we're in trouble.

So, little Hermes, are you ready to watch some brain surgery? "I'm ready to shoot myself if it'll get me off your lap." Open the dome and unleash the power of the heavens!

Good news, everyone! Ugh!

Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half. All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive.

I love his boyish charm, but I hate his childishness.

Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me! The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil... in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery. That's my clover! Yancy stole it! After a whirlwind fling with Icelandic supermodel Njord,

Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there.

Led by a bending unit named B.B. Rodriguez. (CACKLING) BENDER: Wait... I know a robot named B.B. Rodriguez! Wait... I am a robot named B.B. Rodriguez. So, I become ruler of Earth?

And with a little more luck from my seven-leaf clover, I might get sick enough to miss the whole semester. Hey, give me that. No. Give it to me, you faker. No, you're not getting it. Ow! My underbite! Come on, Yancy, your brother's sick.

Ladies and gentlemen, if, together we were able to defeat this giant space monster, think how also we might defeat the monsters of poverty and disease and unliteracy. In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to...

such a digestive system would divide a 2-D being into separate pieces! So how are we supposed to eat and digest? Got it. Well, since we have no digestive systems here,

I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies. Great jah's dreadlocks! There's been a mix-up. This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license! And it's mandatory!

So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years.

You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

I'm really nervous.

That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one. No!

Mom, Dad, Grandma, this is where I work. Oh! Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party?

Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!

It's used to it! Whoo! So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing? Poorly! My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

At the end of the episode everything's always right back to normal.

I want to show you the story I made up. That's Gumdrop, Sticky, Candycorn, Sourball, and Jujube. They're brothers and sisters and they live in Butterscotch Hollow. Sally, that's wonderful. You came up with that yourself? Out of thin air?

Come on, Bender. Grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool. Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I'm cool I'll do it. Whoa!

Hmm. I guess I'm still kind of nervous. One more teensy drink to help Amy relax. Still a little nervous? (BURPS) She's a nervous wreck!

Hello. I'd like to enroll in Police Academy. You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop? That's the plan. I like you, kid. I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy.

No, sir. Not us FARTers! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model.

His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive. Possibly this thing. (POWER SURGING)

Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no. Security to bar area. Security to bar area. Fellas, please, I'm in love. Rough him up. Ow, oh, ooh, eh! What are you doing?

Wait a second! I'm not big-boned, I'm just fat.

So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet.

Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you.

This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges. But the ship is dirty. Whatever. I ran out of film an hour ago.

There's some filth. "Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first. Hey, Leela, hurry up with those scrambled infants. What? That's horrifying! Zoidberg, you're an inhuman monster.

(BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow! (DINGING) What? This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around.

Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off!

'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon. We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man?

Right! No, not you, right brain. Right, left brain? Right! Okay, then. Do something, Hermes. I can't! When I fight machinery, machinery always wins! Freeze, bagwad.

Bring it on, baby!

Here. Take your mind off it with these soothing relaxation balls. All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. That's sweet, Hermes. Maybe I should get an extendo-arm.

I bid you adieu. Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

(POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo!

Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together? Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times, but she just kept rejecting me.

Shmoly crap! We've got to get Fry and Leela out of this habitat before they humiliate themselves. Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes!

(SCREAMS) That is nasty!

This is Christopher Colobus, the brave monkey who led a band of genetically engineered primates from Earth to colonize our planet. Wait, if you guys came from Earth, why do you hate humans so much? Oh, please. Humans experimented on us, chained us to organ grinders, made us ride around in ridiculous tiny vehicles.

All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie. He's the original party worm.

You recorded that? The eyePhone records everything.

Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here? Negative. Will you go out with me? Uh, access denied.

I'm not hearing a "no."

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon. We favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet. Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man?

(ALL CHUCKLING) Twice was enough. But seriously, today, I'm not just a man-bot, I'm the luckiest man-bot alive. My mom may have abandoned me, but I have the greatest dad in the whole universe.

Mate in 143 moves. Oh, poo. You win again. Oh-oh! Nerds. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender.

It's amazing the way you-- notice two things. No! Don't open that coffin. It's ticking. I have to, Alex. That coffin's not going to open itself. Bleh! Mmm!

So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

Accepted! Sigma Beta, see you later! Sigma Beta, see you later! Male, medical doctor, delicious with butter and lemon. Accepted! I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

Ah... prewar scotch. Welcome, Lieutenant Bender. You're looking sharp. I got wheels with clickety clackers. Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh!

Come on. Say "Mama." Caca. Okay, we'll have to bleep that. Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy.

just nod your head and say, "Uh-huh." Uh-huh, uh-huh.

I'm not actually 150. I'm 160.

Could you hold my purse for a minute? Go for it, Bender. You know you want to. Well...

I've smoked a lot of paperwork in my day.

Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent. For some reason, I'm frisky as a squid on Tuesday.

Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS) (CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt."

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off. Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today.

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Incredible! According to the gizmometer, Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive, leaving an imprint of his D.N.A. and brain waves.

Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?

Did you hear that, Rusty? It sounded like a human. Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenseless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down-- Even for a second.

His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever. The tracks lead here. Thanks, eagle eye. Now it's daylight. So, he should be in robot form...

(GASPS) (MACHINE BEEPS) Hello, it's me, Fry! I'm not here right now, 'cause we're out getting drunk at the Olive Garden. So just leave a message for myself or Bender after the tone. See you!

Hey! Yaaah! Yeah!

Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING) Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that.

Got it. Well, since we have no digestive systems here, I guess we'd better get back to the third dimension after all. Third dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb. (ALL LAUGHING MOCKINGLY) There's nothing funny about science!

I'm so sorry we never got the chance.

She's all yours, buddy. I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Please, just leave me alone.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Oh, that's especially impossible. Not at all. It's very simple. Then explain it. Now, that's impossible. It came to me in a dream, and I forgot it in another dream. Your explanations are pure weapons-grade bologna-ium. It's all impossible.

A gold doubloon to the man who first spies the white whale. Big whale over there! Arr! I saw it first. Wait! That no white whale. It gray thinkie whale.

I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist,

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

It's that jerk from the truck stop. Let's cross the street and try to blend in with that crowd of pimps. I don't think so. Sir, I believe you owe this lady an apology. Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed. Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum. The humiliated conspirators were forced to sign the Declaration of Dependence,

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions.

What the hell is that thing? It appears to be the mother ship. Then what did we just blow up? The Hubble telescope. Stop exploding, you cowards! This is hopeless.

I'll kill you! I'll kill you, too, buddy.

Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed!

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Bender, old friend, what's on your face? Blood. You know, shaving of the face beard. Amy, are those gear imprints on your sweatpants? Uh, maybe. So what?

my parents moved us to a peaceful farm. (WAILING) I think that's sweet. Oh, shut up! You're all I have left, Squeakers. (BIRD SQUAWKS)

Who's that singing at your wedding?

Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that?

farewell. Oh. And congratulations again on winning the contest.

Fry, I'm sorry. I should have understood how someone can love an inferior creature, because I love you. Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in!

You're a crazy, penniless lobster doctor. No combination of you should be a comedian. But comedy is in my valves. My Uncle Harold was a big Hollywood star... back in the era of silent holograms. Your uncle was Harold Zoid? This I cannot deny.

What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we? Goodbye, Fry.

Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man.

Observe this two-dimensional egg. If we were in the third dimension, looking down, we'd be able to see an unhatched chick in it, just as a chick inside a three-dimensional egg could be seen by an observer in the fourth dimension. Fourth dimension? I can't picture that! You're dumb.

Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

So the moral of the story is... if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! You know, you always were a kick in the teeth, man.

I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

Then come relive the carefree days of yore at Past-O-Rama where old New York comes alive. It's like stepping back into the year 2000. Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer... with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman.

The fox gets a 30-minute head start.

Big Caboose went lookin' for Rodriguez Straight to New New York town He cried... Bender, guess what. I met a fabulous girl and we're engaged to be hitched. That's great, Caboose. Come on in and set a spell. No time. I got someplace to be.

He's bluffing. No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself.

Oh, Bender. Either that was a computing error or you're the most romantic robot I've ever met. I don't get it, iZac. That bracelet had a diamond the size of a raccoon's brain. Why couldn't I steal it? It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love.

Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu. Was his apartment rent controlled?

Have you noticed that animals are sometimes spooked by robot ghosts? So what? I hate animals. (MAKING SILLY SOUNDS) (ROBOT DEVIL LAUGHING EVILLY) Run for your life, Fry! Move your ham flaps!

And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING) And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself! (CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems.

And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing-- "Leela"?

Pick a mouth, open it, and say What? My mother was a saint! Get out.

You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh.

That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

Now, the first order of business is lunch.

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil.

Company? How cute! What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance? Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital.

Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it! Your Neutralness, it's a beige alert. If I don't survive tell my wife, "Hello." Hurry!

Oh, it's hopeless. I did something so great that it won Leela's heart, and I'll never ever know what it was. My life is empty. Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

You know what else I could use? A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone. Huh?

I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on,

Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it.

Oh, yes. Yes, definitely. Mmm, I'd like some of that. Mmm. I'll just have everything on the menu.

This is the wrong patient.

Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

Did you swallow your phone again? Some guy's been calling and hanging up 10 times a day for a year. Men who call too much are the worst, I bet.

Leonardo's beard! I paid a fortune for it at an auction of historic body parts. I suppose if I have an Achilles' heel, it's because I bought it at that same auction. Indeed so. Most indeededly.

Wait. What about the animals? Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days.

Don't wait for me.

Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth.

You're getting a huge dose of radiation.

We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys. Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends.

and that is why you must find him not guilty by reason of insanity! (ALL GASP) Objection! I'm not crazy. I created you all, and I came here in a homemade spaceship and lived in a cave. If you don't believe me, ask my uncle.

The fact is, humans are completely harmless. We're well aware of that. You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball? Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon?

I can see sideways in time. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Gee, I see CGI. (SPEAKING BACKWARDS) Poop. Poop.

Interesting, if true. The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet.

You killed my father and now you've come back for me! You all right, Bender? Uh, yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time bomb around just for that dumb animal!

I'm sure the professor can clone you a new nose. Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly. The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why.

And if that doesn't work I got you a six-pack of champagne and a funnel. Who the sweaty hell is it? Hubert Farnsworth? I was out fleeing some robots and the silvery moonlight glinting off their bloody claws made me think of you.

Now what's all this about? Dean Vernon, the students from Robot House are here. Robot House. Hey, Dean. Nice looking model. You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House.

Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

You're vegetarians. Who cares what you do? Uh... Shut up! Animals eat other animals. It's nature. No, it isn't. We taught a lion to eat tofu.

Hello, Mavis! Surprised to see me back again so soon? Mavis is dead.

It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday, but not for robot holidays? Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah. I'm talking about Robanukah, the holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar.

You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded. So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial!

I think she means ten wins on the gay circuit. I wish. Those cats can really fly.

Wait. Why'd you stop eating, master? Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone.

But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet?

Hey, you want to come to my house and play? Yeah, sounds like freakin' fun. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade,

Space pirates! Space pirates? You know, pirates! But in space!

would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh! "I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif! Oh, my! This half date is entirely over. Amy, conference.

Let me just take a look at-- Ah-ha! I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most! Hand it over, you giant idiot. Hey, Butch, your mom's here. Aw, man. Come on, kids! You're lAte For Hebrew School! I don't wanna go.

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there.

Before we deliver these hearts, I'm gonna find the one... that sums up my feelings for you. "I love you." Mm. Too conventional. "You're my man." Ooh! So close. I'm not impressed by a guy's message, Fry. I'm impressed by the guy... or not.

This is so hot! Conquer me, Lrrr! Sharpen your horns on my scaly thorax! (SCREAMS)

(BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

I didn't even know monkeys could cry. They can't. It's all the hat.

Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to... Hey, wait a second.

Thorias from downtown. Yes! He's really showing us what a man with a cannon in his chest can do.

Man, these hands do everything but pick your nose. (EXCLAIMS) (SNIFFS) Wow. Well picked. I had a nice picking last time I was here.

That is so unbelievably manipulative! Come on. You never went on a date with a guy just 'cause you were hungry? Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach. Nice try, sister. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to meet with my wedding planner. Zoidberg?

Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha!

Who are you? I'm a big robot and I want a big cereal. You, too? Will you be my friend?

After all, you're only human. Wait a minute. You did it all backwards. Fry's the one who should be-- Oh, never mind.

Are you crazy? She's a slightly different subspecies! See how her shell flares imperceptibly at the neck? (SHUDDERS) Talk about a cloaca shrinker. Well, haven't you ever met a girl tortoise who had that whole "same subspecies" thing going on? Oh my, yes. When I was a young tortoise of 50,

Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another.

These are just examples. It could also be something much better.

Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up. Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there.

Leela, we're off to Mars. We'll see ourselves out. Wait, I did it. I got Leela a ticket. (GASPS) How did you do that? Ah-ah-ah. A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o. That guy stinks.

"I'm sending in more trains." Wait for me!

But, sir, that plan makes no sense. Maybe not to you, Kiff. But if I recall correctly you were court-martialed in disgrace. Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy.

Of course I would. This top makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude? Yes! Perfect!

That's what I get for sharin' my vulnerability with you. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists. Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming... in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine! You've got a degree in bologna.

to ask how you got that stylish head wound. Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain. Of course. I had the same idea. i flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go? Well, getting the brain out was the easy part.

So, it's mutiny, is it?

What? That? That's just my personal musk. You'll learn to love it. I know I did. I'm sorry, Zoidberg. I can't see you anymore. Something's come up. It's vomit!

And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Too much smoke in your face. (COUGHING) I want to ask Leela to marry me, but I can't afford a diamond ring big enough to express my love. That's for sure, not on the measly salary I steal from you each month.

KATZ: Yes. The Egyptians viewed us as gods, but ironically, that was our downfall. They pampered us with feasts most fancy and victuals most tender. We grew fat and domesticated.

(VOMITING) (CHUCKLING) Classic Amy.

along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way.

What the... What kind of crazy fire is this? Greetings, Bender. Thank you for transporting me from the sun to your helpless, flammable planet. How could a fire learn to talk? Did you burn up a dictionary? Or a parrot?

Oh, I'm ruined! Why? Why?

Who's kicking who around now? Knock, knock.

Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth. Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs.

Only a fool plans more than a few centuries ahead, Son.

Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers? We, too, study the time-travel enigma. We have perfected a method using negative-mass neutrino fields that allows us to travel backwards in time.

What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party.

We could steal it. No! That would alter history.

These conditions are deplorable. I swear, I hate every single person on the surface for making us live like this. (GROANING) (GASPS) Leela! What are you doing here? We were sentenced to two weeks in the sewer for harboring a mutant.

Bender! And that is why they call me Bender the Magnificent! Hey, where'd everybody go?

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card! Did we go too far? What time is it?

but at least I have street smarts. I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you! I'm trying to deduce the function of da Vinci's lost invention. Not even a card.

It's an emergency, sir. Come back when it's a catastrophe. Oh, very well.

I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look.

My God. Poor Leela. Hey, buddy. Heard you needed cheering up. Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom... Aw, man, I got to work on my act.

(MUNCHING) (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Hey, guys. Welcome to my parents' 40th anniversary party. I'm bored. Let's drink.

There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about.

Good. Good. Good. Good. - Good. - Good.

Happy birthday!

Welcome to Fenway Park, home of the Boston Poindexters, where the Mets close out a season that will rank among mankind's most awful crimes. Hey! You opened a franchise! Yes. Our biggest seller is Leela's bean pizza--

Eee! Now say nuclear "wessels"! No! We love it here. Everything is provided for us, and we never age. Check out these abs.

Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin?

No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting secret! Oh, no...!

It is... acceptable. Yahoo! Another thing I'm great at.

No doubt about it, this place is haunted. Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it! I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma.

Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit!

Jah damn it, we're stuck. At least you're not cold-blooded. Sweet lion of Zion.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle! I put you through college, and this is how you repay me?

I guess I can't. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters.

I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg? I'm not on trial here.

Oh... It's just not the same without the muffled screams.

(SNIFFS) Why isn't Leela back yet? Do you think she's okay? How should I know? And how come you never ask if I'm okay? I'm feeling a little neglected here. Oh. Sorry. Are you okay, Bender? Shut up. What difference does it make?

Brought to you by-- The Space Pope Did that make any impression on you, Fry? Fry?

Nice. Temperature? Whoa! The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! (EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data. Could you dump that somewhere else?

Then suicide it is. Step into my office. I'll give you a nice Kevorking.

Nope. Hmm. Words I never say. Oh. I know. "Thanks." Bender, stop trying to destroy the world. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it "sorry"? No. "Funderful"? "Non-alcoholic"? - Stop it, mon. - Bender. - Quit it. - Enough already. Mmm... "compassion"? "Shrimp toast"? "Antiquing"?

Well, we are made of virtually identical components. Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peak at your access panel. Hey, according to the Scab Handbook, that's extremely inappropriate banter. And that's just the way I like it.

Hold on. I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine. - And then we can go home. - Hit it. MAN: In the year 105,105

Well, yeah. But basically, you'd just be a publicity stunt.

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead.

Bender! j'accuse.

Got it. If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

(MOANING) Un-paw him, you big ape! I saw this in a Tarzan movie! It was called Tarzan versus the Yetis. I lost my virginity during the film, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details. (YELPING)

Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot. Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me? We both know there's something there. No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face. Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

Sounds like a party.

Now here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it you'll have 25 minutes to get away. That's all? But-- Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send.

I just wanna have fun because dancing is fun, and I like dancing. ALL: Aww! I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl. (ALL GASP)

Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try. Okay, I will. By shooting you, you bastard! Bender! No, please!

I like it. The million followers will become an army of zombies eager to obey my every command! (LAUGHING) The important thing is, we're a family. No, it's not!

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit."

What are you, gay?

He's good. I can only see one of his four mouth tendrils moving. "So, Mr. Conrad, did you enjoy the show?" Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part.

People of Osiris Four, please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

You locate Inspector 5 while I slip into my ass-kicking feet.

Party on, Slurms. Party on, contest winners. Party on. No! We're ruined!

Okay. Bender has her distracted.

Yeah. I mean one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye.

No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him!

I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl.

Actors to the set! Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action! ...pause!

I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66.

And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord.

And when I figure out what it is-- Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but there is absolutely, positively no way... that you and I will ever, ever-- Man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Mmm! Yes!

It's a robot chop shop. That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy.

is a miracle. Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old. Step aside, lady!

If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up! Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going?

And you are outta here!

Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh.

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der!

(PATIENTS GROANING) My God! I've never seen such a gruesome shark attack. Especially this far inland. It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me. I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

(WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores!

I've got nothing left. Except... you're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why?

But Bender is within me.

Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES)

In this spirit, I ask my fellow Benders to join me in working diligently to... Boo! Go to hell! Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

Stop! We'll leave. But one day you'll be eatin' a fast-food burger and boom! You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies. It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied.

He's still alive! Of course I'm alive.

Blow your wad of cash on me

Let's just leave it at that. Can I tell them? Please, please? I got to tell them. No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles.

Leela, we're trying to watch TV. Yeah. Would you kindly shut your noise hole? So who's that weird-looking guy? That's a human. What's he do? Usual human stuff. He laughs, he learns, he loves.

Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you. Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans.

First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes. Let's disco dance, Hammurabi. Dyn-o-mite! Sounds like your kind of place, Fry. Want to go? Nah.

I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

I did. I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks. I can finally afford my speech therapy. And the health plan covers my generic Prozac. Electricity, plumbing, our lives are a jillion times better.

Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor. TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code. Though I was only 15,

you piloted directly into a black hole. Yes. It was in all the papers. Call me. Uh-huh, eh-heh, mm-hmm, uh-huh.

The law is clear. Fry and Zoidberg shall fight to the death for the claw of the beautiful Edna! But I don't want her!

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life? I'm too scared to get the upgrade, but I can't face my friends again without it.

Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think.

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there.

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey.

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights.

Wait, stop! Everyone is gone! Edna? Honey?

Welcome to the Hidey House. Brannigan, tell me about this freaky-deaky escape pyramid. I can fly it, sir. I just need to know where, and how. The obvious destination is Mars.

Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on,

I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here?

Ow! I-- I mean-- Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet. You know, romance is an important part of our work too.

(ALARM SOUNDING) Wha... The marvelous device, it's detecting a massive burst of anger from deep space!

Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

NARRATOR: Having reached maturity, it is time for the salmon to spawn.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry hurry, hurry, hurry... My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh! Fry. We're here to rescue you. (SNORES AND GASPS) Professor? Oops! (YELPING) Fry. Professor?

Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto. Aw.

Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei. Hooray! I won't be murdered! I'll live another day, another day of pathetic, forgotten misery.

Now this is why you always want to use cast iron cookware.

Across Earth, robots built in Mom's factories are buying thoughtful gifts for the sweet old tycoon who brought them into the world. This originates from the heart! It's just what I wanted. Come look, everyone.

Crapping A. Still, I'm sure the women are having an even harder time. (GIGGLING) OMG! Being chicks is so much fun! Now when I say stupid things, guys all laugh and buy me stuff. Ugh. What a skank. Anyway, Planet Express is still facing foreclosure.

You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle. Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then. Beat this.

It's crooked! In the end though, it doesn't matter who my parents were. All that matters is what I learned here, within these unscalable walls, that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today.

Yep! We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive.

I'm getting dizzy. I can't walk straight. Whoa! Whoa. Whoa!

(APPLAUSE) That's the dumbest thing anybody's ever done. You're hired!

I don't know what I'm doing.

Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um...

Hands up! This is a stickup again!

Oh, my God! It's out of ice, like some outer space Motel 6! Completely out of ice!

You folks watch your genitals now.

I'm not nothing. All my life, everyone's called me nothing.

Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need to bend... that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle. Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company. Go satisfy your bend lust, and don't you come back to work until you do!

You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow!

Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two.

Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see... it was pure evil.

Yes. Let us smoke-um peace pipe. Smoke-um? Here. Take. Oh, no, thanks. I'm on the peace patch. You must smoke peace pipe and you must do it peacefully. Or we'll kill you! Oh, well, it's just, really, that I don't feel that--

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone.

Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved? Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg?

And I didn't want to go on living without you, so I jumped, and, well... Ohh... That's so sweet, Fry.

That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids. But, like, that dragon ghost was hovering and translucent.

Oh, how could you, Leela? I thought you had some standards. I mean, geez, he's a dumb gross gorilla. That's enough. Don't you think I feel bad enough already? No.

In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

(SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING) The neighborhood strip club. I never actually went in there, but it's worth a shot.

By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet. It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow!

- Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh?

A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A." - Question. - Yes? You stink. Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium... that should take the tar right off.

Oh, good! A physical!

Truly, it was a paradise.

Well, I guess you deserve one more flip. So, heads or tails? You know, let's just say it's heads.

She may be different, but she still deserves a good home. Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea!

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn.

Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case. Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence.

Sure, it ain't one of them la-de-da above-ground places but if you like dank... forget about it. At least it's got a great view. - Aah! - What the...?!

Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye. Uh... is it about my eye? Sort of. just ask the question. What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right?

came up with a cheap, last-minute way to combat global warming. Ever since 2063, we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

Hmm. You know, Kif, once my woman returns I won't have much time to hang out with the boys anymore. That's a shame, sir. So let's make the most of our time together shall we?

Keep it up, sistren. Only a few more miles to the cave. Let's just buckle down and... Look! A clearance sale! What? Where? (CLAMORING) (GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage.

Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin, containing my ordinary dead friend who I killed!

No, no. I was young and reckless.

just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up. Please hold your thumbs until the end.

What? Did you just say--

The search for food takes the elephant seal to depths few other mammals can reach. In this pitch-black abyss, life takes on bizarre and horrific forms. So, welcome to the abyss.

NDND: I knew it!

It sure was nice of the mayor's wife to have sex with me. Uh? You. What? You could have saved a robot, but instead, you saved a human. Do you think human life is more precious than robot life? No, no.

Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

Well, I may not have a man, but at least I've got you, poopsie-doodle. Leela, it's time you and I had a talk. A talk? You can't break up with me. You're my pet! As much as I enjoy being the object of your misplaced affections,

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding?

Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day.

Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

Oww! Not so rough!

Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons...

but I'm sure you'll work everything... (GAVEL BANGS) Divorce is final.

Can do. What the hell was that? Phew! I don't believe it. It's dark matter. So this guy just unloaded a steaming pile of starship fuel?

But Boston's 300 miles away, and Bender kicked our horse to death. We'll never get there in time.

No, no. Wait. I-- I feel terrible about what happened. I've just been under a lot of stress lately down at the plant, you know? They're bringing in computers to "improve productivity," and, well, that's no excuse for how I acted. But the boy needs to see that real men...

That'll take care of those annoying rats. Now, to make a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me.

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right. FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding.

Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him? For Slurms. For Slurms. Whammy wozzle.

Get ready to run. We've got 25 minutes. Uh, 15 minutes. Five minutes. Six-h minutes?

You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing.

Your call is being-- Connected--

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not. Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me.

Break a leg, Bender. Oops! Looks like you already did. You are an evil, heartless troll, so, actually, we have a lot in common. In another life, we could've been friends. No chance, garbage-can face.

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through. Whee!

Okay, let's nip this Earther movement in the bud by releasing your Earth certificate.

And there's a Jamba Juice 0.2 miles that way. Does that thing tell you where the queen bee is? The big, fat, ugly, compound-eyed, hairy-thoraxed... Don't be applying your Eurocentric standards of beauty to me, fool. What's with the kamikaz-bees?

That's detention. And then, and then a giant tapeworm tried to play us for chumps, but we, like, totally dissed Moose! Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose. But in the meantime, I have good news! I may have solved our age problem.

Hear me out! There are many good reasons to eat: hunger, boredom wanting to be the world's fattest man but not revenge. Are we no better than they? Besides, Leela's my friend. Is this true, Earthling?

Hey, look, the suns are setting. I can finally switch to hard liquor. Ah.

Look. I'm Bender! Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine.

Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something.

(SURPRISED CRY) (ALL SCREAMING) DNA and career chip, please.

Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky.

The last time I hesitated, a bone vampire snicked out me left shin. Please, just a few days. Well, it would give us a chance to get to know each other. The beast lives for now. Thank you, Angus.

Okay. It's just an ordinary coffin,

This! You for this. Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds? What?

Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch and we'll go.

I don't know if you can hear me, Leela, but there's something I want to tell you. I-i love you. I'm so scared, Fry. I don't know what to do!

Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for.

If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?!

All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came and the grasshopper died and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you? I give up.

Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's the richest most powerful person in the world. And she's so adorable. Well, I suppose I could go as high as... $300,000. 500.

Look at my crazy passport. Versus The Chain Smoker.

And, Bender, that aerosol head spray... makes your antenna smell nice. Thank you.

Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering. Earlier today, I visited a shelter for down-and-out robots-- Homeless robots, too poor to afford even the basic alcohol they need to fuel their circuits. Is there anything sadder?

(ALARM SOUNDING) Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here? Now, then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht? With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you.

Yo, Kringle! What happened to you, dawg? Oh, it's awful, Kwanzabot. Everyone hates me. At least they understand you. You know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanza tip. Hey, maybe you can lend me a hand with these deliveries? No time. I got to hand out the traditional Kwanza book.

Wait. Hang on. I lost my controller. (SCOFFS) There is no controller. The X-Cube tracks your motions with a built-in camera. Oh, yeah? Track this motion! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (EXCLAIMS)

It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"?

Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves.

Over my dead body.

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question. No. You have to stay even longer! Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah! This wangs chung.

I'd like to make one final statement. Kiff, come here and hold up the flag. And wave it a little, for God's sakes. My friends, you can take away a man's title and his uniform but you can never take away his integrity or his honor.

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!

against your lipless beak. Oh, Amy, I can't stand having a whole universe between us.

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard!

Hello there. Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him?

Oh, I'm just so excited! I'm Sheldon, and this is my chief financial officer, Gwen. For 30 years, we've shared the adventure of managing Romanticorp. Not to mention the adventure of marriage. Oh, you have got to be kidding.

My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl. Hey, boss, this here crew list lists a robot on this crew here. All right, I want you to find him and plug him then unplug him.

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!"

This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President! That's right, daddy-o, and I need to take your hippie son on a far-out musical quest. Get out of my house, you commie.

NARRATOR: The isolated Galapagos Islands. A veritable pageant of evolutionary science. Home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's finches and the marine iguana. Also the blue-footed booby!

And zat, little one, is how Papa gained his freedom. Now, bonne nuit. Bonne nuit to you all.

Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg!

Yay! You did it! Let's have a tissue tape parade. No, thanks.

(GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me? I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life.

has been teaching the world to cook for over 20 years. But apparently, my wife hasn't been listening. Oh, funny. I will destroy her! And now, extend a formulated greeting to Master Chef Elzar!

Hermes, my friend. Let me cut off your umbilical cord. (SNAPPING) Oops.

Lies! I change my identity and upgrade my appearance every few decades to avoid suspicion. I was all of history's great acting robots: Acting Unit 0.8, Thespomat, David Duchovny.

All right. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident.

Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there. Oh...

Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry? No. No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic. Nice. Listen to that baby purr. There's a baby in there, huh?

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two,

Bigfoot? You taught yourself English? Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Oh! No time! It has begun!

SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit! It's over, Dad. It ain't over!

Leela, Amy, I like a stalwart, feminine physique as much as the next fellow, but this Nectar worries me. You should be worried about this! Boo-ya! (WHIMPERS) Easy, Amy, easy. Professor, there's nothing wrong with Nectar. It's all-natural.

So your delivery company is just a cute, harmless paper route.

We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth. (ALL GASP) Well, if it's to save Earth, I guess I could take one for the team.

Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat.

Greetings, moon man. We come in peace. I am Fry, from the planet Earth. Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach. But you are lazy, right? Oh, don't get me started.

Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods! That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter! My love! You made it!

Hey, bite my shiny metal ass.

Look at this sissy, Kiff. While others were fighting and dying pointlessly he was hiding in a hole wallowing in a pool of his own cowardice. That wasn't cowardice. I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant.

Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything. My legs! All right, all right. Third time's the charm.

Four stinking years of clamping school for this?

pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone

I-i'll be out in a sec.

It's been a good run, people, but this is the end. Wait. I've got it! This building's technically in the theater district. If we could mount one big musical featuring everyone's talents, we might just save Planet Express!

But those girls don't wear cases. You can see their bare circuits.

But you're better than normal. You're abnormal. If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think. I'm getting the surgery!

The table is still set for a McDonald's Value Dinner. I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling.

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood?

I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming. Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.

- I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Phew! After all that, I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.

If the birds keep multiplying, there'll soon be too many to count. Before long, the penguins will exhaust their food supply... and starve to death. Oh, if only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto... and dumped oil on them, this might never have happened.

I love it out here, Amy. I feel so manly. I have a blister. I-i spit.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero? Now he's flushed himself down the toilet?

Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan!

In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. The clamps! Right?

Leela! My precious rock dove! I'll save you! Aah! Everyone, to the fire door! It's on fire! We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight, or your parents will be devoured by piranhas... that I have, shall we say, persuaded to walk on dry land.

I have no idea.

Really, it's the steward's fault. Excellent choice, sir. That Flexo! Why, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. Can't believe this. Obsessing won't help, Bender. Take a lean back and enjoy life. I can't. My fembot may be in love with another manbot.

In gratitude, King George named Farnsworth a duke and granted his family massive landholdings in the colonies. Blimey. I've never felt so ashamed to be a Farnsworth. Will my lord be returning to his massive landholdings for luncheon?

he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe. I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember.

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

plus a Popsicle cart. You can count on us, Professor. We'll get that monument here in time... ALL: Hooray! ...or die trying. What?

Come on, Leela. You can do it! Hurry, we're missing our bus!

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be.

Who put this in here? No!

(HUMMING) Are you about to brush your teeth? - Yeah. Why? - No reason. (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS LOUDLY) What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute.

Hold the elevator!

May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps.

You poor little guy. I'm so sorry I-- Bender?

where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie. (ALL CHEERING) LINDA: Chris Travers wins the South California primary handily, thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances.

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned?

Yes, it's sort of a Comedy Central channel. And we're on it now! I get it! (ZAPP YODELING) We've lost power to the forward Game Boy.

Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead!

Where's Fry? I didn't kill him. Professor? No, I've been busy. He must have gone out looking for that "mermaid." The poor, demented honky.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship?

I'm sorry. Hug me, Liubot.

What the hell's been going on around here?

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff.

I have a fiancÉ now. Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Um-- Uh-- Well-- Uh, him! Fry, darling, meet Zapp Brannigan. Huh? How do you do? Hmm.

Good heavens. A chance to work with the legendary Harold Zoid. He's one of my great idols. And you say you can guarantee me the Oscar? I can guarantee ya anything you want. Then I'll do it! Hooray! Here's your checkbook.

I've only got two fantasies left-- to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want.

You gotta hope even more. And cover your ears and go, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah." I'd also like a pack mule!

The tar blisters the age right out of the body in what top scientists suspect... is a miracle. Oh, I don't have time for this! I have to go buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon... and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old.

Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross- your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

"Ocean madness." Yeah, right. Yeah, it's always something, ain't it? It's her! Bender, wake up! She's here! Wake up!

Would it cheer you up if we went and cut down an Xmas tree? Yeah, an old-fashioned Xmas tree. Hey, these aren't Xmas trees. Ho-ho, huh?

he'll talk to Smith & Wesson (COCKS GUN) or, perhaps, Consolidated Head Melter.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now. Oh, maybe this upgrade isn't such a good idea. I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch on the-- Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete.

Someone should tell him. Tell me what?

Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network? We were about to fire him, sir. Silence, hack!

Hello? Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us.

It's just not the same here without Bender to keep me company. Hey, I'm here. That's gotta count for something.

I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt. There's just no place for me in this world. Although, on the other hand...

Oh, my God, cover your eyes!

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

Now, calm down, dear. You know, you look even hotter in infrared. Husband, some things were not meant to be cylonned. Now, you must promise me you won't be getting any more upgrades.

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More!

What is it? My God! Did you hear maracas? No. Then it wasn't space banditos.

Leela, take my hand!

There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome.

Did we ever! Gram-gram fell down at the ice cream store and we got free ice cream! Now let's all go take a nap! (WHOOPING)

Yes. Our biggest seller is Leela's bean pizza--

Thanks to the effect of the brain rays, the people of Earth had no memory of what had transpired, except Fry, and no one believed him or cared what he had to say. I, meanwhile, returned to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth again come under brain attack.

No! I wish I had two mommies! Try these, um, sir. I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu. Oww!

Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. Oh, God, he's basking in their admiration. That ego must be at least four feet tall by now. (GROWLING) (AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack! Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo! That'll teach those other horses to take drugs. That's it!

Ten minutes ago? Oh! (BEEPING) (ALARM SOUNDING) Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here?

(SCOFFS) We'll find out who's lying, my friend. Because I planted a spy camera in our apartment! Let's just see what you were up to last night while I was asleep. Yes, let's do see.

I couldn't make that out. Too much static. Eww!

I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help? Oh, Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all--

Wha-- Uh, gotta go. Fight club.

But you'll never get over this unless you go to your parents now and tell them honestly how you feel. (SNIFFLING) You're right. I will. Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

(BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth!

Good night, dumb prince.

Forty ounces of heaven! (BARKING) Here, boy. This is for you. (CHEWING) Ahh! Hmm...

Gotcha! What seems to be the problem, officers? Was I speeding?

and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot. I'm sorry. Hug me, Liubot.

Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you.

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense.

Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope. I mean, dummy. It's okay. I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at. A wise woman, indeed.

Then I brushed my teeth...

Aha! Bender, one. Toilet, zero. See you on the other side. Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

- Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign. Pazuzu!

(SOBBING) I like jelly beans. Do you? I sure do, honey. Come now, Fry, you can't live out this sick fantasy.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through some things. Ooh! I'm going in.

What do you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet. Good point. But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one

Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

was deemed non-protected speech. He shut you up, O'Connor. Mr. Waterfall, you may now present arguments... on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg. Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks. Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos?

My God! I can rule the universe!

And now, the host of the 1,074th Academy Awards, Billy Crystal! Now I know how a Pez dispenser feels. You like that one, jack?

Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Uh, no. Never. Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

(SOBBING) Hmm. That dinner was a worthy foe. Yes, we shall not see its like again. So, um...

but don't nothing get past Mrs. Astor. (GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down.

Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly. The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine.

Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells. (GRUNTING)

I still remember the combination. Three.

Well, someone's in a good mode. Let's just say I lucked out at the track. Also, I rigged one race. I'd have won a lot of money too, if I still had my lucky seven-leaf clover. Plus, I'd still have my hair. I got your page, Mr. Fry. Your new hair is ready.

By the way, you got a little something right there. This is the best sausage I've ever tasted! Oh, my God! That looks like Fry's hair! Come on, don't make jokes like that while I'm eating. (SCREAMS)

Well, good night. I'm going to go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them.

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell.

The war is over. Our home planet is yours. All right! Hey, wait a minute. This is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens? Correct. Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson.

Hello! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button.

Yes. Good thing I noticed the similar shapes. Planet Express stockholders, I present our Chief Executive Officer, Professor Hubert Farnsworth! Oh? There he is! Take it off! W-Where am I?

will be snu-snu'd by the petite women. And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu!

by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Okay, look. If I help you with this, do you promise to get out of my gender and stay out?

Prepare for liftoff.

May I help you with some assistance? Delivery for Francis X. Clampazzo? We don't got nobody here by that alias. FRANCIS: Hey, hey, that's me. Are those my new clamps? Your name's Francis? (LAUGHING) Oh! Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar.

(GROANS) To the employment cave! (GRUNTING) (GROANS) Thanks, dear. Off to work.

We are just as good as any of those other crews you sent to their deaths. What's the mission? Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. That doesn't sound so dangerous. This is no ordinary honey! It's produced by vicious space bees. A single sting of their hideous neurotoxin can cause instant death!

we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court. Will no one meet our challenge? Have none of you pathetic Earthlings game? What happens if we lose? Nothing! There is nothing at stake and no threat... beyond the shame of defeat.

(ALL GROANING IN PAIN) Man, were we drunk. What happened, Professor? Something absolutely incredible! The sweaters got folded! (SURPRISED MUTTERING) But how? I didn't do it.

all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough. A swell gal like you deserves better. LEELA: What's that? Is my eye playing trick on me? FRY: (GASPS) It's so beautiful. Fry, you've created a new color,

I know whose funeral we'll be attending next. Oh, stop!

Now I'm all you got! I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow!

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) What a load a mush! I've had it. (POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond!

And check out the interior. (LOCK BEEPS) Note the rear-facing safety seats. Ha! Cool! Hey, wait. If I'm backwards, I can't see out the windshield. There is no windshield. Who needs a big, breakable piece of glass when we can just monitor everything on the padded dashboard display?

We flipped a coin before the debate, and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him.

It can simulate anything you desire, and nothing can hurt you, except when it malfunctions and the holograms become real. Well, that probably won't happen this time. I wanted to show you what life could be like if we were together. Computer, run program "Kif One."

No rampaging for you tonight.

The world? That's where I live!

Don't talk like that. Tragic romances always have a happy ending. Farewell.

(AMY AND BENDER MOANING) Sounds like a muskrat's caught in there. That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP)

What's his problem? If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity. Bender? No way. I definitely would have noticed something. Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there?

(BEEPING) Cease fire. Mom called off the attack. Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!" Yeah! All right! Yeah! (GROANS)

I'm proud to be different. And I just wish I'd realized that when I was her age. I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

He's just a poor, misunderstood.... Aw!

This is the one place she can't hear us. Everyone just pretend to shower. Same as every day. Got it. Now, here's the plan.

She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again

Yeah, well, good luck, sister. All our modern technology is useless. I know I am. Hey, wait. I'm having one of those things. You know, a headache with pictures. An idea?

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh! No. No!

That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute. You did it, Fry! Did what?

Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse. (FRY SCREAMS)

I just know these things.

Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have a big hand for our finalists, cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name. Break a leg, Bender. Oops!

Oh, geez, get a room. Maybe later. Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy.

Bender, wait! While you can still calculate the future, just tell me, what's gonna happen with me and Leela? There's no time now. (GASPS) Quick, Zoidberg! Take three steps to your right! (GROANS) (LAUGHS)

MAN ON TV: Coming this fall.

Hey, Red! You're just in time to join the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on? The side that kicks your twisted metal ass. Fry! Stay back! He's too powerful!

Come on. You can do it. Go on, you dummy. Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Jimmy crack corn and I don't care Oh, no!

It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Light 'em up. (POLICE SIRENS) (CAR HORNS HONKING)

and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production. I call the process "science." I'll just need to locate that guitar image on your file system. (GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING)

Nee. I mean, no. I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile. Yes, it's true.

that we must harness the elemental power of nature itself! I speak, of course, of molten lava... deep within the Earth's core! To the subbasement!

Probably. That's right, ugly.

Who's the newest justice team The New Justice Team Captain Yesterday is fast Also he is from the past Not just fast but from the past, Captain Yesterday Super King has all the powers Of a king plus all the powers of Superman

Voila! Bingo! That's Leela. I'm seeing double.

No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos. Go for the shins! Aah! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

Maybe I should get an extendo-arm. How long will it take to install an extendo-arm? I have golf game in half-hour, so half-hour.

(GASPING) BENDER: Rumbledy-Hump? It's real! I love eating vegetables, don't you?

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING) Dumb bastards.

Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight. You guys are dating? Oh, no, no. We're married.

Women only room!

Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake. And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it.

Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave. So I've picked my successor.

He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero.

First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, hold on. I don't like the sound of that. Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry.

One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert... by a guy named Scrunchie.

I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps.

It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor. Excuse me, Your Majesty I am Murg, the high priest.

How may I help you? Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

What's so funny? Nothing.

Is it just me, or is the world ending more often these days? The calendar predicts fires, earthquakes, sharksplosions, then it just ends! Exactly as the weather balloon foretold. Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky,

Oh, I don't know.

So, you thought you could conquer us so easily, eh? Nice job. We surrender. Earth is yours.

Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right Nobody worry about me Yeah, baby. Come on! Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use 'em, but look at me now.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy!

They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day. Then consider the following lecture a bonus.

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know. There's a lot about my face you don't know. Perhaps you and it could get better acquainted over dinner. All right. Cool your jets, hotshot.

What is it? It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener?

Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

I once put a laugh track on a sitcom that had no jokes in it. Hey! Look! The prop guy has a lamp! - Really? - Whaaa--- Aha! I was using that! Listen up, 'cause I've got a climactic speech. You! Cameraman! Keep the camera rolling. You! Director! Give me my motivation!

Then it's settled. Elzar will teach me to cook. Absolutely not! But I watch your show. You owe me. I owe you nothing. For starters, your antenna's in my crotch. Also, I hate you. And finally, you can't cook for squat.

There you go. What have I done? Your training is complete, little dessert spoon. Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion...

Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham.

Is everything... Hey! Are we at the fair yet, Mommy? We're not at the anyplace!

How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats. Wait! Take me first! Yes! Take her first! Shut up! Stop tellin' me how to do this! Oh, the fear. I'm thinkin' of a number between one and ten.

Well, that depends on what one of those things is. That seems like a fact worth knowing.

For the first time, we're about to observe the fundamental structure of the universe. (EXCLAIMS) Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God.

Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals. And we would've gotten away with it... if it weren't for those meddling adults. We'll stop them.

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special. Uh, aren't we looking for your gargoyle?

Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

You beg my pardon? I'm sorry, Calculon,

We can't navigate through this storm. Our lights aren't bright enough. I'm sorry I let you down, Son. Who are you again? It's just not possible to get you to bending school this year. Or is there?

And Bender's number one most frequently uttered word the word which, if uttered, will blow up this entire planet... We don't have long.

Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up. But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage?

The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it. I'll be back soon. (SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding.

(BEEPING) Nah, it's just a piece of junk. That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head? Slap me upside it!

You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job. But... Got to go! (WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work.

We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family. And That Guy understands that. Everyone's fired, and we're out of business. Oh, no! I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom,

Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree.

Well, I could use a new tank top. Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah.

Hey, everybody. Meet my good pal, Roberto. Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages!

And remember, I'm the camera. (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this.

Nice to see you, Zapp. Well, nice to see a surprising amount of you, too, Leela. Is Munda here? Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59.

It's a little rule known as "Brannigan's Law." But people already interfered. That planet was mined completely hollow. Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew. This doesn't make any sense. I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law.

Remarkable! It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions. Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS)

What happened to you? Oh, it's Bender's apartment. He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay.

Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man.

We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it.

Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

The exit. We made it! Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive.

They are, too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear. I was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook. And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so yeah, they're lucky. Aw! Also... Oh, Lord. Plus, they're my only pants. You've worn the same pants for 1,000 years?

Thank God, I'm free of that nightmare!

Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

Where did you get that C.D.? It's one of my 10 desert island discs. I never really thought I'd get to use 'em, but look at me now. Oh, yeah, baby, gonna do-dah-dah! Do-do, Do-do-do-do. C.D.s are unnatural. Why don't you just listen to the ocean? Which ocean? That ocean?

(YAWNING) Yeah, you're right. It's getting late. I'll get your coat. (COCKS GUN) Oh. Hey, Big Caboose. What are you doing here on Earth? I'm here for to see Ramblin' Rodriguez. Well, he's at the railroad camp.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

You don't have to do something just 'cause it's going to happen. The future's making a chump out of you. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to make a chump out of the future. I'm not stealing anything! Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you.

Fifty-- six-- ish? Fifty-six? Fifty-six? Oh, man! Now that's all I can think about!

(LAUGHTER) That reminds me. It's time to twit my hourly twupdate. What's up, followers? Fry here. (BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus?

(SNORING) He won't wake up if we stay quiet. (EXCLAIMS) (GROANS) Nibbler! Scat! - (EXCLAIMS) - (MUSIC STOPS)

Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post. And rip her shirt a little. Behold. When El Chupanibre comes for the... "virgin" he will be snared by this rope trap. Shh.

Now that I am a full and equal member of the crew, I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity and, dare I say it, my friendship. Leela, muzzle that skunk. We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat.

I wish I had died instead of her. What are you talking about? Leela! You're alive! Of course I'm alive. I told Fry you were dead so he would cry out the emperor but you had to go and wreck it by surviving. We only got two drops.

Steim. Shalosh!

Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

just F.Y.I., I could be used for Snu-snu. Silence! You want die like last men visit Amazonia? What'd they die of? Crushed pelvises. Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out.

Glad to hear it.

My Lord, the infidels on your back no longer believe in you. They say their prayers go unheeded. Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them.

My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. Oh, he's gone!

All right! We can go home! (IMITATING FRY MOCKINGLY) (RASPING) We can talk of our research tomorrow.

Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat. And that's how I got my new shell.

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants! We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again.

Oh, really? You may find your victory Pyrrhic when subjected to this lyric For a trillion years or so Yeah.

I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it! (LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster, some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy, attempting to mate with one of his harem while he is asleep or distracted.

Yes, it's clear what I must do. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I got a hundred bucks on rectal exambot!

Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor. I've never seen you before. I've never seen you before, neither. Quiet, please. I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh--

(SCREAMING) Help! Police! Everybody grab a club. (SCREAMING)

We did harbor a mutant! Uh-oh.

We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment. Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct.

As country after country fell under its influence, world leaders became threatened by the movement's power.

Okay, Mushu, it's feeding time. Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh!

He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose. Yee-aah! Ooh! Damn.

Welcome to Plan Am flight one to Acapulsar. The local time on Acapulsar is five years from now. In the event of a wormhole sending us back in time, do not kill your parents.

And due to the embargo, the only place to get it is straight from the source. The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say?

Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing. And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable.

What do you Neanderthals want? We want our land back! Also, to be treated as equals! And a little mating wouldn't hurt!

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school.

Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going. You can't just waltz into The Central Bureaucracy.

Hey! I can't spell anything with these cards. Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter

Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

(SCREAMS) I'll have what she's having.

(WHOOPING) Ah! You've got a surprising amount of algae in your beard, Mr. President. Just sit still and let the algae-eater do its work. (EXCLAIMING IN PAIN) Lay off my trademark mole! - Hi, Lars. - Fry. Whatever. I'm heading out to my night job.

Quit exaggerating. Nobody move or sweet cheeks here gets it.

Let's let Lady Luck decide What type of torture's justified I'm pit boss here on level two Ooh, deep-fried robot. just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain

Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace. You seem a bit tense. Here, try these. Sure, butter me up with candy. Well, it won't work, sonny.

I do! Kif's given me dozens. Is it true what the ad says, that you kiss them together out of blankie cloth and magic buttons? No. It's actually cheaper to genetically engineer real ones. They frolic in the Lovey Forest until their first birthday.

FRY: This is it, room 1119. Aw! It's my relatives. I'm gonna call them Gram-gram and Shabba-doo. They look just like you, Fry. Arms, legs, ugly.

I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other.

Mine is called a droid-el and it's rigged to make you pay Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins? Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

Presenting... Bender the Offender. I'm just an ex-con trying to go straight and get my kids back.

But if Zoidberg fixes it, then perhaps gifts.

Geez, who died?

I was standing here.

Poop. Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Sleeping with you. Aha! Uh, get-- getting back to the matter, uh, if it please the court-- Fry, there's nothing else here. You only wrote two pages of dialogue!

I thought you snuck off to take a dump. A man can sneak off to do two things. Oh, Fry. In exactly 10 seconds, the doomsday device will blow the stone loose, and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger. You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand.

Sweet honeybee of infinity! Bender, quit destroying the universe! But-- Oh!

It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium. Wow, I love symposia. It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention and the best one wins the academy prize. Sounds boring. Oh, my, yes, but not this year because my latest invention is unbeatable.

Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

In here is the only place I'm not! (LAUGHING EVILLY) I amuse myself. Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend.

The Saints just needed a field goal to tie! Lrrr, you lazy ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! You said you would conquer a planet today, but you have not even shed your skin yet. Yes, Ndnd. I heard you the first hundred times. I'll conquer something tomorrow after I fuel up on one of your disgusting egg-white omelets.

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck. And, uh, you wanna back off of them hogs? Uh, 10-4. 'Bout five miles or so. Ten, roger.

(THUD) Oops. Never mind. Here, take this. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (SPLUTTERING) Ah! May he rest in peace.

Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you.

Somebody do something! Here, take this! A gun? Do I really need to... Shoot her! She's the robot! No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone.

Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria.

Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass. I'll fetch my hand tools. Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine? Oh, no. No more implants.

Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together. (CHITTERS) Fry, put these someplace safe. (MONKEY SQUEALS) (SOBBING) That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright!

Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

I have warranty cards to fill out. I am not just making excuses. All right! I'll go!

Bender, I don't care whether you have money. I love you for your artificial intelligence and your sincerity simulator. You do? Really?

Let's see, citation for public nudity conspiracy to commit public nudity.

Seventy-nine episodes? About 30 good ones? Oh, really. I've done too many things to remember one particular TV series. But if-if you want to discuss my books of poetry-- Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock.

Slurm: it's highly addictive. Look. It's Slurms McKenzie.

Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump.

Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion.

(ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) Incoming! Thanks, Colonel.

Maybe we should wait till afterwards... in case neither of us comes back. Here's hoping.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg.

You may feel a slight sawing. And all we need is a little spine supplement to replace what Leela lost in that unavoidable saw mix-up. It wasn't unavoidable. You just had to stop cutting my spine when I yelled, "Stop, you're cutting my spine!" FRY: Quit complaining!

But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar. Wait a second.

There's all sorts of weird sea creatures here in the future, like Dr. Zoidberg. I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness.

(SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place! Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING)

Poor Amy. My days of joy and luck are over. Guess I got to quit that club.

(GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

I know Fry's rich but do we really have to wear these top hats? Maybe you don't understand just how rich he is. In fact, I think I better put on a monocle.

I'd sacrifice any four of you if it would help him bend even a little!

Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive. May yet? Really? Indeed. You see, that fossil was made of dolemite, the tough black mineral that won't cop out when there's heat all about. By contrast, observe the lava's effect on this ice swan.

Two, four, six, eight.

Yes! Right in the Ike!

(HUMMING) Howdy, folks, and may I say nice work keeping those sickos penned up. Put her there. You, too, buddy, and you, and you, and you, and especially you.

Man, the professor's been in his lab for days. I hope he didn't die, unless he left a note naming me his successor-- then I hope he did die. You, the successor? Over my empty shell. The professor will pick me. Only I have his lobster-like tenacity. Up yours, Zoidberg--

Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln.

Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes. But this guy Was-- Amateurs like you do two takes. I do one take! Print it! I'll be in my three-story trailer.

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic!

Cosmic F. Style? Outer space. Special moves? The moonwalk. The robot. The Zero "G." Name? Cosmic Y. Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves?

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons. Yes? The robot standing on the small child over there? (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, when are you going to make a second Simpsons movie? (BENDER GROANS)

I wuv my mommy.

Bender's sick. Hmm, need any help taking off? I'M fine, thank you. A real pilot can navigate by feel alone. That's coming out of your pay.

TRAVERS: Unable to feed the world's starving masses, Nixon took bold action.

I'm starting over. Oh! No time! It has begun! Oh, my! Neat!

You're all too weak. I can see that now. So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood? You've gone mad, Captain. That's enough out of me. Now, come on, I got to find that whale. I found him!

Those are weeds, jackass! It's supposed to be a river! Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord. We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh. - Reveal yourself to us. - Behold! I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice?

I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Hi. I'm a naughty nurse and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute.

Greetings, eco-nauts. I'm Free Waterfall, Sr., founder of Penguins Unlimited. Whoa-ho. No, no. No applause. Every time you clap your hands, you kill thousands of spores... that'll someday form a nutritious fungus. just show your approval with a mold-friendly thumbs up.

In fact, that's why we loved you. But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs.

No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God! - I'm a human! - Also good.

We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand. Ow! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

but I must get to Philadelphia as quickly as possible! Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

Stop testing our love! Oh, please, Captain.

The official death toll in that tragic rocket crash has now been raised to 54,000.

Indeed. Yes! In your face, high school guidance counselor. TRAVERS: The robots crushed our most treasured monuments and celebrities, but they couldn't crush the human spirit. We went into hiding, and after careful research, located a xeroxed copy of an ancient time travel code.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg. Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks. Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos? Oh, Land o' Goshen. Your Honors, I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer... like my opponent here.

No! The elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling.

but today I'm a prominent boy in the package delivery field. (DOOR SHUTS) Now that I am a full and equal member of the crew, I pledge my loyalty, my perspicacity and, dare I say it, my friendship.

Now, get out! And don't come back until someone finds a use for a million-watt idiot!

Whoo! Dup Dubbity dup dup! Dup duppup dup! Two, three! One, two! One two, three! Oh, my! Here we go, y'all! Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends.

Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees.

(SCREECHES) Zoidberg, you are the greatest hero. You saved us all. For now. But another threat from the stars is sure to arise next week at the same time.

All right. What else we got?

Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy.

Hey, let me try it. Whoa, that gives me a headache. Hey, Bender. Here's an exhibit about Mom's favorite robot. Who is he?! I'll kill him!

I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right? (GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

If it takeS forever

(SIGHS) NIXON: They fought back with advanced military hardware, but it was like shooting BBs at Bebe Rebozo. That poor, brave hardware.

(GASPS) It's another soda baby! (ALL GASPING) Damn.

Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram? I sure do! That's the real robber! And I'll never forget his name as long as I live. And that name is--

Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed? Oh, it's for you.

So... You want a piece of gum? Yeah. Listen, Fry and I can't go down to the planet or the robots will kill us on sight. So Bender needs to make the delivery. Ready to get to work, Bender? I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them.

He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened?

He could dig up bones. Hello! Charlemagne?

And here he is trying to make a catch with an oven mitt.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob.

You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things. Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

Popplers can't talk.

You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong. Hey, you call her "Grandma" now. Call me Grandma like crazy-- all the time.

Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure. Was there anything in there that might have been a gift for me? No, nothin'. Not at all. No way, jose. Here it is. You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'.

Come on! Remember that episode where you got high on spores and smacked Kirk around? No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn!

Bender, don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that! Okay. I like a challenge. Um, no. No. Ah! I got it. I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship.

No, I don't see how... Wait, don't see. That's how you can help! There's one sure way to set everything right. We'll use your invisibility to pull off a daring and complex casino heist. Of course, because no one can possibly know what I'm up to.

I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No!

Alexander Hamilton of New York, how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender. Help! What's happening? You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop--

These are the candidates? They sound like clones. Wait a minute. They are clones! Don't let their identical DNA fool you. They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough.

One of your friends must die! Fate is cruel and unyielding, and what must be, must be. Taking all bets! I'm giving nine to two on Zoidberg the crab with the jab, the Great Red Hope.

Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. The parrot.

Whoa! Aah! Bring it on, Santa! That bloodthirsty cadaver junkie can't touch us... as long as we're not stupid enough to leave this building. All right! Uh-huh!

It's just like riding a bicycle-- Ay-yi-yi!

Indeed. She made us upgradeable in case she ever succeeded in her quest to create a free will unit. Uh, about the success of this quest... Was there any? Quite possibly. But we monks have sworn an oath to resist the temptation of...

johnny Carson said it. No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water! It's full of chlorine!

Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force!

We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But all we have go on are ancient legend... and subscription to Cosmo.

Where did Qbert come from?

Hey, who are they? Let's just say they're very good customers and I'm not answering any more questions. - Are they the Robot Mafia? - Yes.

Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long, and he got squished up against the side.

Me! Ap-dap-dap-dap! What do we say when someone gives you something? 'Bout time! That's my boy! And here's your check. Bam! I gotta go poopy. Well, you shoulda gone poopy before it was time to rat out on the check!

We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies.

I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver. Do you mind? Here you go. You can use this as an eye poker.

(GIGGLES INNOCENTLY)

So are walnuts, and they're delicious. I'll miss you, Mr. Peppy, but you'll be happier here. (MUTTERING) So, go on, go. Goodbye, Mr. Peppy. Come on, man, don't do this.

They've blown out one of our engines. Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! Fix it, fix it, fix it!

Aw... I got to find that golden bottle cap. I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm. This is nothing. Back in high school I used to drink a hundred cans of cola a week. Right up until my third heart attack. Bender, what's wrong?

(CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too.

But how did you know the dynamite would work? I once took a seminar in ejecting chickens from a sand dune. The principle's essentially the same.

I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing By the power vested in me by the state of New New York No! Stop!

This'a berry, berry bad! Earth's boring. I'll save us. Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas. (ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY) Take that, Earth!

Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

Don-bot, I beg you. I can't make this week's loan payment. Look into your hard drive and open your "mercy" file. File not found.

Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why?

Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs.

So I will now join myself in holy macaroni. Kif, raise the ceremonial mirror. Zapp, you magnificent bastard, do you take Munda to be your lawful... (ALARM BLARING)

Come on, let's sneak in for a closer look. Sir, we don't touch the antiques, sir. You don't-- Uh, I'm sorry, you work here. I should have realized from that ridiculous getup you're wearing. Hey, this is from Miller's Outpos--

(GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy.

Mm-hmm. I'm betting it all. Come on! Baby needs a new pair of feet!

There'll be no further nasty. We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work?

Wh-Wh-Whoa! Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No! What? (DISTORTED LAUGHTER)

Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold.

Nice to meet you. And even though it's only my first day, I want you all to know that I'm already better than you. - Stay out of my way! - (SLURPING)

It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

All right. I got him all heebie-jeebied with my bathroom of horrors. One more good scare, and I'll be out of limbo. Ooh. Did someone say limbo? No. Nothing. Hold onto your dookie. It's about to get spooky!

Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering. Donbot? Motion denied.

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on?

Told you. Come on, Leela. Step your big boot down on the gas pedal.

When I see you alone I see what'S in your mind you want me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me yes, you do

(YELLING) (GASPING) Leela, are you okay? Did you drink too many aquaria? Look, the bone vampire!

I'm sorry, Amy, but your body's not up to the task. Also, I don't care for these boobs flapping every which way. Now, quit your bologna-gargling and let's switch back into our original bodies. Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the heist is back on.

Miss Leela? I have a question. Yes, Albert? That story was bad.

Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Kids, meet the jerkbags I work with.

You're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white. Some of you are black. You're brown. And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together. Am I right, Soldier? Well, actually, I--

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

I will go this far and no further.

Behold the Time Button. A pocket-sized device that sends the entire universe 10 seconds into the past. I will now demonstrate. Joy Juice, hot.

No one can make me leave. Haah! Hmm? Huuh!

Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you? I just wanted to be part of the moment.

Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves.

Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel. Here, have some breathers courtesy of our chamber of commerce.

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not.

Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence?

On the other hand, the children bring up a good point.

Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Oops. Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, we need a new fifth man. Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Put me in, Professor! I wanna show Leela my skills. Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?

He was like a big computer that ran on magic.

Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

Right this way. Human horn. So fresh you can still see the eyeglass marks. Nope. Uh-uh. Ew! Now, look. This is the nose we want. Did you sell it to somebody?

Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum.

Sweet something of... of someplace. As your superior, I hereby relieve you of duty. Consider yourself on paid vacation. Oh! The ultimate penalty. I recommend the health cure on Spa Five, the sauna planet. Here, read.

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon. Now, work it hard! Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you!

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica

Although, on the other hand... Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up. There's no sense letting him go to waste.

We gotta sell these things. Yeah! Good idea. Bender's a genius! Hey... Business is great. Great is okay, but amazing would be great. Please, don't push. There's hot dogs for everyone.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

Yo, there's dog fur on my slice! Nah, that's vermicelli. No fur in here.

I don't know. Fry? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to associate myself with a true hero. (CROWD CHEERING) Mr. Fry, allow me to present you with the keys to the city! This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock. I think this one's for the knob.

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy.

Oh, Lord. Not Robanukah.

Wah-hoo! I found her! What do I do now? Download her. Let's just put a blank robot in the drive.

It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

The fossil only has a chance because it's made of dolemite. I'm 40 percent dolemite! Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot.

Fire lasers! Duck lasers!

Oh... I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the Moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades or the physical endurance. Plus, I threw up a lot and nobody likes spending a week with me.

You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call.

No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop! Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Yes, it's been quite an hour and a half. I've only got two fantasies left-- to be invisible in a chocolate factory... and to be romantically linked with a celebrity. I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on. It is actually possible to meet any celebrity you want. It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime.

(ALL GASP) I probably gave it to you! Sometimes I don't wash my hands for years at a time. I'm afraid it's a genetic condition that sometimes affects mutants.

Mmm! Damn good meat.

Oh, merciful Poseidon, take pity on this mechanical mariner. Oh, geez. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

That's coming out of your pay. You know the secret of traditional robot cooking? Start with a good high-quality oil.

Yeah, duos are good.

No! Leela cried for her lost love as fry lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The big brain laughed in triumph. Ha-ha-ha! Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever.

(BARKS) (SIGHS) (SNARLS) Back off, losers! Stay away from my beaches! You big bully! Bite my freshly molted, blubber-filled ass. You're just a giant lump of fat!

(DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING) How... How did it go?

There it is Miss Universe

the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention-- the inventor of the environment... and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore. I have ridden the mighty moon worm. Good for him.

When my ancestor Reginald Wong found them here, they had no bingo parlors and only one prostitute. Pfft. Pathetic. This here the buffet. Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp!

We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on.

Bigfoot! He's real! I knew it! The loch Ness monster's book was right!

Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke." Solid. Hey, it's that skel from Elzar's. Undercover pursuit in progress...

Thanks! No! Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING)

It worked perfectly! Well, you downloaded Lucy Liu. Are you just gonna stare vacantly at her and not say anything? I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive--

My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

Let's just say a little bird told me.

sitting down with your children and hitting them? Well, I'd say we all learned a valuable lesson about TV there. What was it? That we should all take TV a little less seriously. And more importantly, turn it off once in a while.

These local programs are completely unwatchable. Hey, Pops, want to play skull ball? I'm watching something here. (SIGHS) (FRY SNEEZES)

They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time.

(ALL STAMMERING) This season? Walrus don't need no chicanery. Once a lady goes walrus, she never... She... No one ever goes walrus. I'm a little old for it now, but in my prime, I was quite the sneaker. How did you do it?

I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops! New York is so burned!

Hooray! (ALL CHEERING) (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

Hey, you got me under control.

(WHISTLES) This was one hell of a bus.

Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

The one called Zapp will be snu-snu'd by the large women.

Sure. What the heck? I hereby promote you to executive delivery boy. Executive? It's a meaningless title. But it helps insecure people feel better about themselves. I feel better about myself!

And it's straight! Coilette wins! Another gold medal for the spunky maid from Robonia!

This week on The Real World: The Sun. I'm burning to death! You know how much an apartment that big would cost on the sun? People, as you know,

Oh. So, how's the old corpse?

Kill him! Kill the traitor!

Good news, everyone. You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7! Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill. You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way! We could, but we won't! It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!

Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore. Old-fashioned? Hammy? God's wounds! Our network is targeting a hip new demographic, people who don't like you. But have you forgotten my mastery of the dramatic... Executive Alpha? (ALL EXCLAIMING)

I'm as mad as I've ever been!

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff! It killed little Angus! They're all dead, and their bones are gone. This was no accident. Still think your Mr. Peppy is harmless, Fry? He wouldn't do this in our sleep. He would not, could not to a sheep.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win. But it's a fight to the death! Oh, so suddenly this is all about you! Please rise for the national anthem.

(CHANTING) (SCREAMS) And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

Yes, easily. Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead when we buried him? You know, like julia Roberts. Well, I suppose there's a slim-- I don't believe it! What is it? Is Fry alive in some other dimension or something?

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But... So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot? I still have one thing no robot shall ever have.

Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function. But not for long!

We're just so busy.

Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats. Oh! I'm sorry.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with--

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.

I wish I had died instead of her.

Okay, everybody do one of those three things. Well, this is it. Home, stream home. No, it isn't! I was born in the next stream up.

It's too low! Quick!

Well, here we are, trapped for eternity.

Enos! Private, I want that toilet bowl so clean, I could eat off it! 'Cause I intend to! Well, gadzooks, Sarge. It's him! It's my Grandfather Enos!

Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now.

Kif, I'm headed to the men's room, and I'll be needing an attendant, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. It's all right. I've always thought of myself as a father figure... to some of my more pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's rap.

I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest! That offer was for a limited time only. (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps!

Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him. Wake up! Hey, chumps and chumpettes.

But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert. Hmm, must be a friend of theirs. Fry, we've got to discuss your living arrangements. We've all talked it over, and-- Hey, All My Circuits. Move over.

Not precious ambergris!

Allow me to introduce myself.

What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad! You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst.

- Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.

Now prepare my lunch and place it in the latrine at 1200 hours!

(BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

Is somebody standing on me? I do love inconveniencing the underclass. Well, we'll be on our way after we dig through your trash for aluminum. Okay, kids, delta pattern. Go! Go! Go!

May i? Hyah! Excellent. Excellent.

How do I look? Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too.

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Can you believe it? Pharaoh's dead! Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm.

Damn the expense!

I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore.

I maintain a cubicle here for weekend getaways. Wow. Until now, I thought giant cubes were exciting.

Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static. Eww!

Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

Hello, Fry. Hey, Fry! How you doing? What's up? LaBarbara, Hermes, happy Kwanzaa. We brought a chocolate cake, but now I'm worried that might be offensive in some way. Just sit down. Happy Kwanzaa, brother men and sister men. Well, look at the cat the cat dragged in.

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter.

Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot! Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb.

It's him. To Leela. Subject, hello. I am Alcazar. Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron. Kicked your ass.

Lovely, isn't it?

That wasn't cowardice. I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant. Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

Odd. My stupefaction field is having no effect on your ability to think. That's right! I think you'll find that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing! Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking.

Terrific. Now consider the following.

It is for the witnesses because it's not boring. The instant this random number generator reaches zero, you'll be executed. Ten. Three. Twelve. Three again. Stop the execution!

I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty.

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy.

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there. Okay, it's your turn.

Did you see those other guys? They look like giant claws with bodies attached.

Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself, but you almost never do.

Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry. Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one!

that will reflect 40 percent of the sun's rays, thus cooling Earth.

Professor? He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't.

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things.

Right on, brah! I feel free as a bum. How can you be so calm, Dad? The woman you love is out there having the time of her life with Zapp Brannigan,

Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day.

How bad is it, Doctor? Super bad. It's Tritonian hyper-malaria. A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours. What? Not you, though. You'll make a complete recovery and go on to marry a supermodel!

Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying. It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing. What, now there's a bird involved?

I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo! So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed, anyway?

Bender! Here, robot, robot, robot! Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender?

Caught you! I saw you looking at the atom. So? I look at lots of atoms. Shouldn't you be resting up for your shift? Oh, you'd like it if I went to sleep, wouldn't you? Whatever it takes to shut your yapper.

"Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God!

(BURPS) That's my bastard.

So what is it already? It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly.

I'd appreciate it if you didn't "bam" the young lady. Well, I'd appreciate it if I did, so I guess we're even.

You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys. That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh!

While I try to restore our normal ages, I expect you all to go about your jobs like responsible professionals. It wasn't me, Mr. "F." It was Amy. Stop it, Amy.

There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left.

WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done! (ALL CHEERING) Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is an impostor! (ALL GASPING)

I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma. Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler. He got flushed down the toilet. Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me.

This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express health plan only covers one kind of replacement shell. Aw. I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't back yet from their half date. I'm gonna call the restaurant.

You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!

Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing! It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you. Yeah! Even if it means crashing this ship with us in it. Yeah! Wait. Crashing what with who in it?

Are you all right? Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy? No, but what do you make of this?

I'm sorry, but I can't keep reading this tissue of lies. The truth is, Professor Farnsworth is a cold, heartless jerk! And the fish sticks were limp!

It's like the flame has a mind of its own! It's deaky! Freaky deaky!

Another gold medal for the spunky maid from Robonia!

(SCREAMING) FRY: Run, Leela! They're bouncing right at us! (ANGRY YELLING) (SCREAMING) So, anybody hungry?

Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud!

Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

Yes. And-And that person calling and hanging up was me. I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif!

Oh. Poor Bender.

Byte my eight-bit metal ass.

Good news, everyone. He's made a complete recovery. All right! Way to go! I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. See? I only broke one ankle.

leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth. And now that I have nothing to live for,

Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba. It looked good, but I just don't feel like eating.

Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem. Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot!

ANNOUNCER: Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!

had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer,

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess.

Well, it's obvious what should have happened. That wang to the head should have killed you. Uh, what? Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check.

Detonation in three, two, one. No!

If you ask me, you shouldn't care what other people think. You're right! I'll start by not caring what you think.

I can't. I have to go to the bathroom. Robots don't have bathrooms. Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke in high school? Listen, just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard. Hurry up, Fry.

Yes? What? You say if I testify I'll be killed?

Now can we get some privacy? (MOTOR WHIRRING) (BENDER CHUCKLING) (BEEPING) BENDER: Oh, yeah! Back it on up.

Hey, there's our little mascot.

Temperature? Whoa!

I refuse to believe anyone is happy!

(ALL LAUGHING) Play it one more time. No! It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times. (SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience.

I am Bender. Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

This way! Oh! Oh! She's gaining on us. Go on without me. I'll hold her off.

Stop hoggin' the clover! Oww! All right, team. let's go find that clover.

Hey, Bender, you ever kill a man with a sock?

He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody. Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now. By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

Flexo, the fun-lovin' love machine fembots love to love. Hey, barkeep, I'll have a fuzzy navel, and she'll have the girliest drink in the house. Two fuzzy navels comin' up. I hope they can make change for a fortune. Yo, get an eyeload of that filthy scab with the beard...

WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading!

Why won't anyone help me? So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor.

What the...? Transmission fluid? Where have I been? What happened? Gets out of here, youse lousy bum. Please, I'm scared.

It could have been poisonous acid. It could have been, but chances were equally good it was an emperor. Excuse me, Your Majesty I am Murg, the high priest. If I might interject? You might. I humbly advise that as your first act you choose a capable prime minister. I suggest Gorgak, the previous appointee.

Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah!

Hey, look-- anchovies. Of course. They're not extinct yet. And if you need further proof that this is really a thousand years ago well, here's contemporary actress Pamela Anderson. Ooh.

Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING)

(GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive! Yeah? LRRR: Jrrr, how do I watch a funny on the YouTube?

Stone-cold munching, Prof. Sweet Clyde, characterize your inversion theorem. Basically, no matter how permuted-up your minds are, they can be restored using, at most, two extra players. And they say pure math has no real-world applications!

Look out! A Central Park badger!

(ALL PANTING) This way. We can get in through the back of the human cage and... - (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant! (ELEPHANTS TRUMPETING) (ALL SCREAMING)

This is all Leela's fault. Yeah. If she had let us use the backup dolly we could have broken it given up, and gone home by now.

(GROANING) I can't believe that sale was just a mirage. Now we're gonna die without so much as a factory-second clutch purse to show for it. (SIGHS) It would have been nice to shop at Tommy Hilfiger one last time. It wasn't Tommy Hilfijigger. It was Linens 'n Things!

What the hell's wrong with you?

Yes, but you only stamped it four times. No, no. I was young and reckless. Bureaucrat Conrad, you are technically correct. The best kind of correct. I hereby promote you to grade 37.

Oh, no! I don't care 'cause the master's gone away

and hearing the words "Nibbler on the Roof" has given me the kick in the pants I needed. It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start. Don't go, Leela, please! You and me... We were supposed to... What? I don't know, but someday we'll find out. Won't we?

(GRUNTS) Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps.

You and Morgan were having an affair? I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob. I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate. I am Bender. Please insert girder. Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful.

Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register.

I broke your television. Mon, it must take forever to brand all those cattle. Not really. We own so much stuff, it easier just to brand everything that not ours. Please don't do that. Hey! Betsy!

To the world of tomorrow! Why do you always have to say it that way? Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? Come! Your destiny awaits!

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa!

Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah. Cut! That's the worst coma acting I've ever seen! We'll have to shoot it again. No! No, no, no. I don't do two takes.

Amy. Mom, Dad, you're alive. Yeah, but so what?

Sit back down There's gonna be a test My favorite's Ujamaa Cooperative economics Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here Put away the comics

I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members.

Women only room!

and this. You were an excellent student. Too bad I was a lousy teacher. Ow! I think you misunderstood the concept of Bendering time.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Yeah, but it's also where we came on our very first delivery together. Oh, right. Man, we sure used to try harder back then. (PLAYING JAZZ) Get your likeness in the form of a balloon sculpture. A cherished family keepsake for hours to come.

ALL: Aww! I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl. (ALL GASP)

So your real name is Lord Nibbler? That's a coincidence. That name is for your sake. In the time it would take to pronounce one letter of my true name, a trillion cosmoses would flare into existence and sink into eternal night. Oh, you're all so cute! No, we're not. We Nibblonians are an ancient and powerful race.

The toaster's not working right either. Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here? Good news! There's a report on TV with some very bad news. Somebody turn it on!

Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough. Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual.

Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not. What is it? Is it about Bender? No, it's about you and me. And Bender? Bender's not involved.

Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy!

Oh! Ow. What? Oh!

even ghost and horse, but not robot and human! (ALL BOOING) (BOOING) That's why we're introducing this ballot initiative to legalize robosexual marriage! ALL: Yeah! Legalize it!

View halloo, view halloo. View halloo? All right. What does that mean? The fox has been sighted. (SOUNDS HORN) Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go.

My God! It's full of geezers.

Keep your hands inside the car at all times. Good old Coney Island College. Go, Whitefish! Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type. Oh, yeah? Read it and weep.

But how did you know we were here? Dr. Zoidberg brought us. It was me. I'm the hero. Request for explanation of incident meeting.

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me? MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing. Help is on the way!

Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph! Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight! Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good.

Squid attack! Hit the deck! (ALL SCREAM) We're back, baby. And we brought you a little something. (ALL EXCLAIM) It's okay. Leela's just changed a little.

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

Don't worry, boys. I'm sure his father is a perfectly normal reasonable man. What the hell do you want? Mr. Blob, Our sons have come to apologize... for damaging your window. They've learned their lesson, and they want to make amends. - Sorry, sir. - Yeah. Sorry.

What is this? It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal. It's my old neighborhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories. Keep 'em to yourself, pops.

(MURMURING) Welcome, museum members, or as I like to call you, future exhibits.

If anyone can move it, I can.

Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here.

What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien?

I could if you hadn't turned on the lights and shut off the stereo.

This is my cloning machine.

New York City: The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants! Leela, please, let me make this up to you. You and your friends are all invited to my restaurant tonight. I'm going to bam you up a dinner you'll never forget. All right! Oh, yeah! Great! Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down!

Incoming surface-to-air... NIXON: Telegram! Pilot, is your parachute packed and ready? Yes, sir. Good, because I forgot mine. KIF: Mayday! Mayday! Tell my wife... NIXON: I'll be home for dinner.

teaching math, and curing disease, the economy collapsed. Starvation. Desperation. Despair. So far, so good. Then what?

Oh! Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone,

(GRUNTS) Ah! Cushiony. (CHEERING) We made it. We're back home. Okay, today is still a workday, so... LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump!

Harder! Till the sin explodes out of you! Mmm. Mercy. Okay, the Lord's work is done. Now, now, cuddle. Cuddle with your demons.

Bender, fetch me that powdered opal. It's time to restore dignity to the Farnsworth name. Ew!

Silt? Asbestos? We got guano, very fresh.

All life support has shut down! (BEEPING) So you're all gonna die?

So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done. And you know, maybe now, together, we can be an inspiration to other mutants.

Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is? Being your assistant. Wrong. Being your assistant. Private Fry, you shall henceforth serve as Kiff's assistant. That doesn't sound too bad. You'll speak when I tell you to, you filthy worm!

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Who's for tea and shmavouries? What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says. Indeed. What's become of the dear old USA? Beg pardon? The Revolution? 1776 and what all?

You've got metal fever, boy! Metal fever! Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody. My God! He never took middle school hygiene. He never saw the propaganda film. It's just lucky I keep a copy in the VCR at all times.

(EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES)

You. Aren't you getting this? We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar.

no one else take my place

(KIF GROANS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Fifteen miners are now confirmed trapped in the sun. If rescue doesn't come soon, they may never again not see the light of day. - Linda? - (LAUGHS) The situation is grim, Morbo.

Pretty cool, eh?

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS)

LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING) Quick, take my hand.

Reverse-time power! (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) It's earlier now.

By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no. Let me show you around.

The whale must have some kind of Mobius colon that endlessly recycles time and space. Yep. That stands up to scrutiny. I should have listened to my crew. That space whale wasn't a monster. It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster.

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

Open up. Come on, Bender. It's up to you to make your own decisions in life.

Well, I wouldn't say no to a little friendly debriefing.

Whoa, what? I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend. Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you? Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared.

Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun.

Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room.

The costume contest! The costume contest! (PEOPLE CHEERING) BOY: Yeah! Devo!

Faith and begorra! Whoa! Quae? Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go? Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk. He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him.

I guess not. Well, the doomsday device is ready. Maybe blasting this quadrant of space... into a hellstorm of flaming nothingness will cheer me up a little. Okay. Let me just take the ship out to a safe distance.

just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here.

Fry, I admire what you did today, and I'm deeply sorry for insulting your intellect. Your tiny, tiny intellect. Oops. There I go again, you dope.

(CLANGING) Yeah, Daddy hates welchers. The only thing he hates worse is witnesses. And guys who mess around with his daughters.

So I ask you who will stand up and be saved? Who? Who?!

What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing! It's reckless and irresponsible, and we're going to stop you. Yeah! Even if it means crashing this ship with us in it. Yeah! Wait. Crashing what with who in it? (EXCLAIMS)

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots! Poor Bender. Be brave, my friend.

Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you. Maybe I'm not yelling loud enough.

Please insert liquor!

Stanky. Bender and his obnoxious ego. But... But... And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter. You see?

Stupid bird, I know where you live!

Hermes, don't press that button! Okay.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) No, listen.

(BOTH MOANING) Oh, Bender, this is all happening too slowly. Let's get married. Quiet, I'm making out with a floozy. (BOTH MOANING) Hold your clapper. Someone's coming. (GRUNTS)

Okay, good! On three! One! What did she say? Two! Wait, I'm not in position! Three! I'm ready for the countdown! I'm not hearing anyone! Abort mission! She said go! (ALL EXCLAIMING)

Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work.

Or I would, if I hadn't lost my teeth and nails... on Mars and Saturn, respectively. Wait. You're a lawyer? You're hired! You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows!

No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it. This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is.

Meanwhile, in Universe "A,"

morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them! Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm! Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus.

You know, the second I don't win that award, you're cat food. Right, Boxy?

Miracle Cream Miracle Cream Gives the power to the team its effects wear off for sure So they just slop on some more The New justice Team Ta-da! Captain Yesterday?

(GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor.

Ah! That's so sweet. Aah! I mean, Ah! That's so sweet.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you? Hey, don't look at me like that!

Let's all go to the lobby. Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Then, he'll just have to beat you the old-fashioned way-- to death!

Bill! L-Dog! - Hey! This is wonderful! - Oh, man. - I feel like hugging you. - Well, I would, except you have no body. And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie?

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice. All I know is I've got a ghost that needs busting. Who you gonna call? Gho... The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989. (GASPING AND CHOKING)

Uh, yes. Whoa-oh!

Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session. The honorably sexy Zapp Branigan residing. Bring in the accused.

(WHISPERING) Or elbow. No visitors. I'll lose my job. Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job." (ALL LAUGHING) You're mean, Rutherford B. Hayes! Listen here, young man. We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.

This thing isn't worth the gold it's made of.

Good news, everyone.

Aye! I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

as unsuspecting victims are returned without noses. Like me! The culprits: shameless poachers... hunting humans without a permit. The valuable nose, or "human horn," fetches a high price on alien worlds as an aphrodisiac. My nose is an aphrodisiac?

Death sphere in range. Engaging holographic targeting. Activating the force. AUTOMATED VOICE: Feel the entrance, Leela. Destination on your left in 0.3 miles.

Even with a dirty dealer Very well Then I'll take what I want From Leela Whoa! Leela has promised me her hand Fry, you do not understand

The landfills were full. New Jersey was full.

You did it, Fry! Did what? People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

Female, scientist. We were in the same sorority. Accepted!

The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

I mean, eviller. Thank you. Thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken-word album. just $18.95. Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine. Bite my shiny metal ass. Got to have it! Right here!

Oh, now, look it's obvious you miss being Fry's roommate but there's got to be a better way to deal with this. Like how, having my antenna removed? Well... if that would work. Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off.

I'll just resume dating cheap floozies on the side. You have much to teach us.

To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil. That doesn't sound very scientific. Not to the layman, no. But that's how it works! Leave me alone!

We made it! I'm at a Hollywood party. I'm sorry, sir. This is a private-- Oh, pardon me. I see you're with Mr. Stallone.

Now, I'll "ax" you again. Where can we find a microwave? Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela.

(KIDS LAUGHING)

You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers.

This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm... fry, throw in the towel.

This is where I brought my girlfriend on our very first date. My God. She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone.

How was it? Awful. We had nothing to say to each other, so we had to listen to Bender's Eagles album for 27 hours. Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building?

Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one?

Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell. Quick! We can escape through that nasal capillary into the sinus.

If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. And I'm just the guy for the job.

Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good.

Xmas dinner, everyone. Uh, Bender... where did you get that bird?

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

Help me, Leela! Whoo! You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself!

I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms...

Order, order! Counselor, I am a robot myself. Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty! (ALL CHEERING) You did it, Bender! You got away with things!

(WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the... No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

It's Benderin' time. Take this... and this.

Is yours acting normally? Let me see. Yep. Why do you ask? Mr. Mayor, if you want to see the real vampire, look in the mirror. I can't. I'm a vampire.

NARRATOR: And now, The Transcredible Exploits of Zapp Brannigan, brought to you by Bartley's Rocket Wax. I wax my rocket every day! No one can save you now, Leela. What about Zapp Brannigan?

Hmm. I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence. - Let's do it! - You'll barely regret this.

The winner? Me. Ha, ha! Rematch? You lose again. Had enough? I thought so.

Excellent. Now restarting him is just a simple matter of science. What do we do? Well, since Calculon killed himself, his disembodied software is in limbo, running on the computational cloud. To reclaim it, you'll need to go to Robot Hell and make a deal with the Devil.

Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me? Now, then, if Leela gets eaten I get eaten!

The Fountain of Aging? Hmm. It is just a legend. Still, they called the tooth fairy a legend, and now he's head of the F.B.I.! 'Sup? Kids ready?

(ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

Hey! Hey, come on! Ooh, sorry. I win.

Oh. I'm workin' on my song. Hand me the Becktionary. No, no, the rhyming Becktionary. I wish I could help raise awareness about broken robots.

Oi! There's the problem. Jackie Jr.'s skull is blocking the doodad. Hooray! Everything's fine! (BEEPS) HERMES: Something's coming! No, no. (BOTH WHIMPERING)

I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me,

Maybe you should put on a towel, sir. Right, right. I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended. If I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you. - Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself.

We have a situation, Mother. This creature tried to sand-crab into the building. Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry.

and they walk up to the bar and then-- Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.

What's the rent on one of these jars?

Hey, wait! What's going on through that doorway? Let's go, Doc, chop him up. I got a rich customer needs that kidney, stat. There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject.

Oh! If only I could read lips. ¿Comprende, Bender? You'll have to distract her. Merge your programming with hers while I shut down her brain. It's too risky! I'm a very meek individual.

WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Hey! Draining male oil!

Oh? Xmas eve-- Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing. The holiday season is a time of celebration for most but it is also a time to remember the tragic suffering of the less fortunate.

Ah, there. Finished. And only six missing pieces. Those Swedes sure know how to put in almost everything you need.

Oww! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT.

10 seconds from now, when Calculon kills us. Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it.

Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about? Uh... Close enough.

I can. Robots do everything faster, including evolving and believing how quickly things spring up.

That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.

But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert. Hmm, must be a friend of theirs. Fry, we've got to discuss your living arrangements. We've all talked it over, and-- Hey, All My Circuits. Move over.

Well, so what if I love a robot? It's not hurting anybody.

Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT.

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'!

Nichelle! George! Walter!

I arranged that you be roommates for a reason... so I'd only have to remember one phone number. Now shake hands and make up.

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots... until such time as you are deemed cured.

Hey, Leela how about a little sympathy here, huh?

Quiet, you. As you boys know, one of the cornerstones of my empire is Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil.

Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING) Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump no-no! (CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING) Sometimes when we're mad We say words that are bad

Belay that Parcheesi tournament. I've identified the death sphere. We may yet have a faint hope of survival! Still, a Parcheesi tournament. This is a top-secret military satellite launched by the air force in 1998.

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while Like numbers beyond what you can dial Maybe it's because we're so versatile "Style, profile," I said It always brings me back when I hear, "Ooh, child" From the Hudson River...

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have! - That's for Seymour. - Oh. Say, why'd you get me a subscription to the Daily Growl? That's not a reputable journal of opinion. That's also for Seymour.

You're on a scenic route through a state recreation area known as the human mind. You ask a passerby for directions, only to find he has no face or something. Suddenly up ahead, a door in the road. You swerve, narrowly avoiding:

Maybe I did, Fry. Maybe I did. Or maybe I rescued one last mini-Bender to fold stupid, ugly sweaters while I laughed at him. (GIGGLING) I guess we'll never know.

Get that robot some more beer. Hmm?

This is a problem that will solve itself. A problem that solves itself? That sounds like a job for me, Bender. (SNORING) Our top story, all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics.

Careful! That's glass! Leela was right. You're a lousy man and a lousy captain. And I'm going to tell our Carcaron friends the truth. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Zapp... Lying sack of... (CONTINUES IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

I regret ever running him over. Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

As for me, I went temporarily insane... and wound up here, making pies out of shoes.

(UPBEAT INTRO MUSIC PLAYS)

The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow!

Women only room!

Of course I was born on Earth. Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake. I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions? Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News. Senator, in the last 10 seconds, I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth.

Ow, ow, ow! Whoa, maybe you're right. I only meant to slap you twice.

No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Whoa. Wha...? Something's wrong. Murder isn't working and that's all we're good at.

Who was this Ted Danson and why would you pay $10,000 for his skeleton? I have an idea for a sitcom.

(ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet.

You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings. So, as long as I'm in town I was wondering if maybe...

Did you know these eyePhones are phones, too? Duh! Hey, is it safe to talk while you're flying? Oh, totally. This thing's hands-free. That's how I can eat this taco and this spaghetti. I'm hanging up now. Hey, check out this Internet video of some idiot crashing her spaceship!

Great! But I can't bend anything with my arms agonizingly maimed like this. Well, maybe I can! (EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS)

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory! Oh, my. Now I'll just... the remote.

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF) I think it moved. BOTH: Phew!

Fortunately, I still have our old career chips.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man.

So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then--

So, y'all flew here in a spacey ship? Stop talking like that! You live on the Moon! If that is Bender, I guess he's just happier in his new life. I refuse to believe anyone is happy!

And that's that. Whoa! You're like some kind of dumpster Jedi. So, you want to come in maybe? I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it.

Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep? Uh, excuse me. Which is the one people like to hug? Gutsy question. You're a shark.

As long as robo-Leela's not a jealous type like me, things will... I'll kill you, you slut-clops! (EXCLAIMS) He's mine!

Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up.

Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm! Do you suffer from the heartbreak of...

Are you going to kill me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jrrr is. BENDER: Three, two, one. Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you!

This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! Ooh. Your lyrics lack subtlety.

On a TV like this, I bet you couldn't even make out my obscene tattoo. That's cute.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

But it's only a one-man craft, I say. There'll only be one man. Me. How would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail gunner? Creeped out.

Then a couple of these...

Well, I guess reality is what you make of it. Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

Philip, have you lost weight?

If not, please disregard this and get back to work." Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there. Well, it wasn't a bad life.

LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela. Our only hope is to communicate with the aliens,

This is a simple matter of justice, which I'm not normally for. So, please, vote yes.

No, he wouldn't. Bender doesn't care about us anymore. (ALL GASP) Someone used to care about me? Hooray! In that case, the jury will begin its deliberations. Bailiff, release the jury collies. (BARKING)

(GROANS) I'm as thirsty as a drunk. Where do all these child-sized beers come from? See that magnificent heavily guarded cask? All the beer's in there. Ahh!

Hell, nay. MALE VOICE: The horse says, "Doctorate denied."

It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.

Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants! Duh, duh, duh!

Hey, Ringo, that was the joke. It's Showtime at the Apollo all over again.

Ah. That scrap metal I ordered is here. I'm 40% scrap metal.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh! All right, that's enough of that. I know exactly where you left your ship. That's it all right. Although the cassette player's been stolen and the battery's dead.

You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news. You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed under the weight of your own hair.

I've always wondered if she's still there, waiting for me. But the trip is far too long. It's only 100 feet! At my age, it might as well be 200 feet. I'd never make it! Come on, you can make it! You can do it! Well, let me think it over.

Come on, man. I didn't fire off no laser. Then why is there a smoking hole in your ceiling, sir? What? Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down.

Ooh! I'm so scared!

You're right, crabby. He's a hell of a lot funnier than you could ever be. Maybe so, but perhaps if I wrote him and asked for a few hundred pointers--

Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign. Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Ugh! And the aftertaste.

I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here. Oh, go on! W-Wait a second. If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe-- Then your Hermes-- Oh, my! And sure enough--

Eww! We found it! The honeycomb hideout!

Welcome to Earth pizza store. Here. Sit. I bend-a knees for you. Ooh, that's comfy. Uuh! Okay. Now, what-a kinda pizza goes in you? Silt? Asbestos? We got guano, very fresh.

(SIGHS) Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano. Now can we have our pizza? You'll get your damn pizza, you parasite! First, let's see if my Nanobots have purified the water yet.

Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING) Hello? I'd like to volunteer. Is anyone lurking? (GRUNTING) Hey, stop that.

All right. Never mind. Oh, the guilt. The unbearable guilt!

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb.

This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo!

What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future.

No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

No. I need to grow up on my own planet. I must bid you farewell, my special friend. What the hell's been going on around here?

Then you'll all work triple shifts You can make the job go quicker if you turn up the controls to superspeed It's back to work on Xmas Eve Hooray. And though you're cold and sore and ugly Your pride will mask the pain

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family.

The Cavern on the Green. I made it, Leela.

I don't like things that are scary and painful. Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

Hardass. I heard that. Now, on your right you'll see the Slurm master checking the Slurm for color and bouquet.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back!

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans,"

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola.

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance. (LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away. (LAUGHING) That's cold-blooded! Shh!

Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes when she comes I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans in the world I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans I'll be blasting all the humans in the world in the world one more time!

Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty.

Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot. Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time!

Mmm. These would be great with gwack-a-mole. Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole! Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

Yes, sir-- good one, sir. Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work, and it's all thanks to Qbert. Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way, but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you. Yeah, well... whuh?

Lightspeed briefs-- Style and comfort for the discriminating crotch. Oh! What a weird dream. I'll never get back to sleep.

Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that... a bank is a place where people put money that isn't properly invested. Therefore, robbing a bank is tantamount to that most heinous of crimes-- theft of money. As the "surveilliance" camera for that bank...

You are? Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problems. Like our crippling lug nut shortage. And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out.

You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it? Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it. Nonsense. I would never do such a thing.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew! But we only have the one medal. So please direct all your admiration to the main guy, Bender! (ALL CHEERING) Now, you two step aside.

Time up-ooh! The Iron Cook Neptunian has gone all out to please the judges. He's even garnished the salad with $100 bills.

who guzzled Zorn the Stagnant who slurped Hudj the Dewy who enjoyed a soup composed principally of Throm the Chunky do solemnly swear to rule with honor and... insanity... uh, integrity. Congratulations, Your Highness.

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity?

MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned!

You heard the good news, everyone. Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera. Bye.

No, thanks, Mom. I'd rather make out with my Monroebot. Billy, do you wanna get a paper route...

Where is the real female? I'll never tell. Where is the real female? I'll get her For you.

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too!

Look out for the next thing!

Mmm. Hi. I'm Claudia Schiffer's head. I recognize you. Didn't you use to have a body of some sort? Yeah, but it was holding me back. You know, I just did the cover of the Sports illustrated swim cap issue. Well, you're looking great. Thanks. I wouldn't mind losing a few pounds, though.

The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

Is he dumb or just ugly? Let's find out.

I can't believe you're really real. I like your tail. Oh, you're sweet. I like those wiggly doodads coming out of your hips. Oh, thanks.

What can I get you gentlemen? Is bread free? Yeah. We'll split an order. What's with Monstro?

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

Okay. The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000. Oh, I will have to ask my manager. Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction.

Really? What do you do, Bender? I'm a bender-- I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it.

What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny.

When are those new clamps going to get here? These are all rusted out with snitch juice. Patience, Clamps, it is my eldest daughter's wedding day. You don't want the Space Pope to see you clamping, now, do you? Geez, I forgot my Pope manners.

Neanderthals, load catapult! Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there,

LEO: Fore! Mr. Wong, we have a Mafia proposal for you. Your casino, give it to us. Okay, fine, I just retire to my fabulous mansion.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I--

For example, did you know there are more than two feelings? I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man.

Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar! Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

Fry, are you all right? You did it, Fry! You found the winning bottle cap. We won!

All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail. We did it! We won!

Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well (MELANCHOLY TUNE PLAYS ON GUITAR) Then the steel-drivin' man

How 'bout I help you finish that dream you were having about me? Okay. I was just at this part-- Ohh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer.

Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies... I've ever laid eyes on. I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Please say you believe me. Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

(ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that, but who am I to argue with a man from the sky? So long, space heroes. You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans.

The cat, is it alive or dead? Alive or dead? Answer him, fool. It's a superposition of both states until you open it and collapse the wave function.

I'm afraid Fry is suffering from ocean madness. Every time something good happens to me you say it's some kind of madness or I'm drunk or I ate too much candy. Well, I saw a real mermaid and I wish just once my friends would have the decency and kindness to believe me. Ocean madness.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cursed, got it. Whatever.

Faster, faster! Okay, stop short! (GRUNTS) There's the old place. Hasn't changed a bit. Put on your glasses, sweetie. Ahh!

I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it. But why would it be so important to stop Nixon?

(CROWD CHEERING) Mr. Fry, allow me to present you with the keys to the city! This one's for the deadbolt, this is for the top lock. I think this one's for the knob. The city's in a bad neighborhood. Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess.

I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate.

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already? Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it?

The atom sits atop this dime-store tiara which will be awarded to the winner of this year's Miss Universe Pageant on the planet Tova Nine. Your job is to deliver it safe and sound. Wow. When I was a little girl on Mars I dreamed of being Miss Universe. That's kind of pathetic. Oh, come on, Leela.

(CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago.

What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk?

Bender's odor is so mild, it's being overpowered by local sources. Hooray! People are paying attention to me. Fry? We brought someone to cheer you up.

Stealing is a form of creativity. No, it isn't. Guys, come on out. (ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it?

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake! Greetings, time travelers. Stupid jerks! Wouldn't let me stay in the good future. How did you know we're time travelers?

So they sent a helpless child to kill me. Well, I'm not going out without a fight. Hee-ya!

For me, that time is now. So I ask you, as a friend-- Won't you stop this deal?

(ALL SHUDDERING)

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances. MORBO: Super Tuesday is in the books, with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers. With the race a dead heat, it's all come down to a final tally at the convention.

This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

killed in his clomping shoes by ruthless Omicronians. But we're gonna get even, by golly. (CHANNEL CHANGING) Crap, he's on every channel! Effective immediately, I'm calling for a planetary embargo against Omicron Persei 8. Where's my Hot in Cleveland?

Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose. Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh. Mmm... you.

I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point. Let the games begin! So I told Leela "Your request for a date is most flattering "but I must decline. "These office romances never work out. After all, that is how I met my horrible wife."

This will be your standard battle to the death.

oh, keep smiling through

and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist. Then let's find some that do. Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs.

Big Caboose. I'm a steel-driving man working the trans-universal line. Wow, you've had the exact experiences I want to steal for my song. Oh, heck, I'm nothing special. Just a down-home robot with a big old hammer.

Fry, I'm writing here. Do you have to play that? Yes. It's the only song I know.

And a framed picture of me when I was only a month old. But the best part is, I found my exact feelings expressed in a greeting card. "You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame "for the love that I feel just from hearing your name.

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone.

Working on a real TV show is so exciting. I'm on a mostly natural high. These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom. I'm not having any problem. We're shooting in five minutes, and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! Sweet zombie Jesus!

Huh? You may feel a slight stinging sensation. All of you. Aha!

WOMAN: Stroganoff. May I take your order? I'll have the Stroganoff. Okay. Yeah, give me the fried spaghetti dinner breakfast pocket for lunch and a big bucket of mixed sodas. One kids' meal. Got it. LEELA: Huh. Buggalo Tots? What exactly are those made of? You got a warrant?

You sure picked it. Swish.

I feel better now. (HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day?

or someone else's imagination?

Maybe so. I'm not sure. Now, how many tickets would you like for the show? Like, none. But thanks for the yucky-tori. (LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

This here city slicker's about to get his nuts bolted! Oh, yeah? If I don't set a new club record, I'll eat my hat. (BELL CLANGS) (BUZZER) 0.4 seconds! A new club record for shortest ride. Told you! Yee-haw!

Sweet giant anteater of Santa Anita! The professor's been eaten by giant anteaters! Oh! What?! If you ask me, it's mighty suspicious. I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things.

Mmm, this is great! How do you make the crust so fizzy? Ah, ah, ah! Ancient Signoid secret. My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret. Live hornets. We smoosh them right into dough. Look, I don't care if there's horse manure in it. That's-a good.

Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England! You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

Also, mine has air conditioning. (ZAPP YODELING)

I've never seen you before, neither.

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again!

The sticker says $55,000. But we'll only go as high as say-- $60,000.

Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa? I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker. I'm acting astonished.

That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason.

Fry, what in Sega Genesis happened to you? That's what I'm trying to tell you. See-- Why are you all staring at me like that? Is there something on my face? Uh, no. Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience...

Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful!

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

Keep them and let us go?

Look at the planets it's destroyed so far. First came X-3, the nude beach planet, then, Poopiter, and finally that world that can't be mentioned in polite company.

I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work.

Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

Interplanetary deliveries-- What a headache. Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans! He should have used Planet Express.

Now here's the bomb I've prepared. Once you activate it you'll have 25 minutes to get away. That's all? But-- Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

- Hey! He stole my ring. - Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink. I don't want to spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go.

Okay, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.

Here goes. Good-bye, waking world. Leela, no!

against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

It's a second big bang!

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too! Oh! Help!

Whoo-hoo! Yaah...

Zapp, we're out of fuel. And Vergon 6 is about to implode. We need your help. So crawling back to the Big "Z" like a bird on its belly. Delicious. Birds don't crawl.

We know all your sins, Bender and for each one, we've prepared an agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen?

(ALL BOOING) Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed! Question two. The environment. Yes or no? No. It's junk science. Two words. Condor attack. Don't want that. Got to say no.

Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee--

Here, eat some now. No! I said eat! Come on! Mangia! Sorry, babies. Leela, maybe you should lie down. Yes, listen to the father. I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama."

- Come on, Walter! - Take that! It hurts. Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face!

Please... Big z.

Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son! They used to be such peaceful birds.

We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again. Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom... Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so. It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell. Well, pull up a chair.

It's a single atom of jumbonium. An element so rare, the nucleus alone is worth more than $50,000. How much more? 100,000. That's why I hid it here, under my mattress. Uh, Professor, can we discuss this somewhere else? Why, certainly.

i'm so Dizzy, my head is spinning like A whiRlpool, it never ends... A little lower. Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower.

Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty.

(BENDER GROANS)

Oh, how convenient. A theory about God... that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work!

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Whoo!

I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now!

I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me. But he's not your father. That guy in the punch bowl was your father.

Uh, Bender, I think Fry needs a moment alone.

We're back, baby! (ALL CHEERING) It's been an emotional five minutes,

Thursday, baby shower-- enter. Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set motherhood mode.

Here, you drive. Fry, are you all right? Oh, my head is killing me. What happened?

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING) These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins. I hereby decree Planet Express to be our city's new fire department!

You could become the greatest chef ever! I could? Yes. just as Beethoven was a great composer because he was deaf. Or like how Rembrandt was blind and had wooden hands. Bender, hear me well. I shall train you. But first you must forget everything you know about cooking. Done.

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs? Me! Unauthorized data access.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

(GASPING AND CHOKING) Now do you believe me?

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what?

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene. Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Oh, God, then it's worse than I think!

Well, I spent every penny I had but I bet Leela's going to love you. Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up!

One more hit, and we're done for! Let's take him out with us. Do you guys have a self-destruct code?

Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh!

So much information, and yet, somehow I feel as if I know it all already. This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back? Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel. Oh, please. Really?

The dog says-- Uh-oh. This may take a while.

You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

If only you could talk. Wait! I understood that. You say you're transmitting your thoughts directly to my brain? Yeah. You say those awful flying brains are making everyone on Earth stupid?

What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, (CLEARING THROAT) I'd now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I'm done!

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing!

Make me some coffee, would ya? Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage.

Ow! I'm back, baby.

We cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! Now we're bored!

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy.

Bender, did you have something to do with this? Of course not! Holy Spitz! He's sporting skintight Speedos! They don't leave much to the imagination. Actually, on a robot, they sorta do.

Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised. So this is where they stick old people.

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad.

Tonight's planet, a primitive backwater known only as... (READING) NARRATOR: Of all the creatures on Earth,

Please. Our sages foresee that in a thousand years, for one moment, the fate of the universe will depend on you. Since you will not live that long, I must freeze you now. Well, why couldn't you just ask me?

You degenerate hussy!

(GRUNTING) (SIGHS) Why you stare at prehistoric pig butt? Because it makes me feel happy and confused and wistful and sad. All Neanderthal sad. It in our nature. Why?

Call me a booger blaster. I'll blast a booger so hard that-- Fry, we're worried about Planet Express. Don't you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about "blank."

Unless we quickly exterminate them, they'll replicate ad infinitum and consume all the matter on Earth.

To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art I need hands of transcendental quickness Well, I don't see any danger In gambling with a stranger For my head is of a most amazing thickness Ohh!

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys...

You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong.

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo!

Life, death-- Either way I'm demoted to a tiny cubicle.

Sometimes you pull one and...

I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no. The park was too phony. We had to see the real Moon.

Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers.

Hmm. Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely. I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles.

One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard! Wait, stop!

That's what they said about being alive.

Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO--

It's collapsing! What the... It's some kind of deluxe apartment in the sky.

I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad. Can I be both?

That's a big number-- 50.

(WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass!

(BABY CHUCKLING) (CROWD CHEERING) These boys must have hero in their bones. And you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins.

I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end!

You'll wanna retreat to a safe 500-meter radius! Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold onto your lower horn. As usual. Whoo! Run away!

Fifty three tons of hamburgers and French Fragments of not potatoes.

How can you do this to a poor, defenseless robot animal? You people are sick, and you foxhounds are no better. They're not foxhounds. They're springer spaniels, you twit. Or rather spring-powered spaniels. (GASPS) Bot-on-bot violence? Where will it end?

Then the steel-drivin' man Rammed his train through the wall And crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air, Lord, Lord

I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone,

We're entering the interior of Fry's nose. We're at finger alert five. Let's just pray nothing stimulates the delicate smell receptors. Nobody make a smell.

Yes, yes. Anyhow,

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse.

In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Oh! Well, congratulations. You look great. But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy, that doesn't make it right. We have no idea what the long-term effects will be. And once that genie is out of the bottle... I can cure you, too.

(MOANS) Ow! Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen.

(EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead. No, I'm just very old. Whoa. That's good acting.

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela? What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose.

Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser.

(SIGHS) Now what? I send you out to conquer a planet, and all you bring back is J.J. Abrams' face? I thought you'd like it. You haven't even tried it on.

My work here is done.

There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

Good thing it's Casual Friday.

You're not a toolbot. You're not a food-motron. You're not a robot of any kind. Yes, I am. I simply haven't discovered my primary function yet. Okay. This has got to stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity... the way only a woman can. You're going to do his laundry?

Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary. Our transaction is complete.

Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg! He brutalized us with power tools, gypsy curses and hypnosis. Yes, master. You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent.

(STAMMERS) Coma... Sad... I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky. I need cheering up, Bender.

Leela, Amy, I like a stalwart, feminine physique as much as the next fellow, but this Nectar worries me.

Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

Uh-oh. Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out.

(SIGHING) Will you be conducting an exit interview?

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have,

You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News.

We'll miss you, Daddy Bender. We know robots don't have emotions, but... we drawed you this picture. So if you ever miss us, even just a teeny bit, you can look at it. Hey, I smoke a cigar, not a candy cane. Sheesh!

I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive, so there's something left to kill. Stay back! This embassy is sovereign mud...

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you! (LAUGHING EVILLY)

I find the defendant guilty. Santa Claus, I hereby sentence you... to be executed at sundown. Oh! It's not fair. I just hope that dumb chicken is ashamed of himself.

Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

I've got his scent. Over here where the water gets warmer. This way. Ooh!

Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it!

(LOUD BUZZING DRONE) BENDER: This has been a test of the Emergency Hypnotoad System. Had this been an actual hypnosis, you would go limp and watch whatever crap comes on next.

Wow. So this is a real TV station, huh? Well, it's a Fox affiliate. What are you showing right now? Single Female lawyer. It's the season finale. You want to watch? Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt.

I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow.

My friends always die if I'm not there to save them.

Six if you want to get technical. Oh, I do. It all began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened--

This is a monkey. Yes, definitely.

(FRUSTRATED GRUNT) What if I foldeded the Professor's sweaters for you? Both of them? You mean you'll do two things, and I only have to do one thing? Yeah. Just save the world. (CHUCKLING) Sucker.

You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about. Whoa!

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela.

The blue pie slice represents the money we earned from shipping packages, while the green slice represents an $8.00 bank error in our favor. This toads the wet sprocket. What about our thousands of shares of stock? Worthless. I'll kill you! I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers.

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime. Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos.

You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman. Maybe Mr. Bender can get a spot in the closet of presidential losers. Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes. Pass.

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive.

I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable-- an A-minus-minus!

Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse. I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants. That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad!

It's a stone-cold shame. He's making a break for it! Get him! No, no, i-i was just picking my nose. He's picking his nose! Get him! The old dine-and-dash, eh?

No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one.

Second prize, this lovely afghan made from an Afghan, goes to Bender and his whooping terrier! Second place? That's a fancy word for losing! You... didn't... stick your landing! Forgive me, my friend. Never!

Let's see. I'll take a pancreas, two sphincters and a large Coke. One number three combo.

And yet, it still hasn't stopped the elusive bathroom burglar. Maybe he's just trying to feed his family.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow!

Hey, nice seats. We're close enough that when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down. I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball? Baseball? God forbid.

Deny my freedom, will you? Well, we'll do to you what we did to the Squashmen... of the Squash planet-- squished them! - Charleston Chew? - You bet!

Neato! A Marilyn Monroebot.

Please, gentlemen we must put an end to the bloodshed.

And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know?

LEELA: You're using the rocks to build a wall? What about your cultural heritage? You bought that cultural heritage hoo-ha? (SCOFFS) What a bunch of big-city dummies. At least the rocks are light here. I don't even need my over-the-shoulder boulder holder. With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time. It's like being a voice actor.

I hope your calculations are correct. Our calculations are always correct, for we are gigantic brains. Initiate space/time transfer!

Far out. So there's an infinite number of parallel universes? No. Just the two. Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough.

(CHOIR MUSIC) (ALL EXCLAIMING) They haven't aged a day. The whale must have some kind of Mobius colon that endlessly recycles time and space. Yep. That stands up to scrutiny.

Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo!

You be careful, my little tinkler. Remember we used to call you that, huh? Tinkler. Gets movin'. Those newspapers won'ts deliver themselveses. Only the Sunday Edition can do's that. Goodness. There must be 50 papers in that bundle. That's a big number-- 50.

Oh. I'm beginning to think there'll be no forced mating at all.

What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

Failure to prevent a mutiny. Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig. You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job?

That's my joke. I'll kill you!

Come on. You never went on a date with a guy just 'cause you were hungry? Well, I, uh-- I thought I might like him on a full stomach.

And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool!

With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco! MAN: Polo! Sean? Leela? Sean? Polo!

I'm back, Crab Dip. What you watching?

Well, too bad we've got to make that urgent popcorn delivery. It'll get there.

It's free on Tuesdays.

So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved! Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play. For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail?

Search them for paper... and bring me a rock. Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral. Drag them to the ship.

It's extremely delicate, so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it! Fry did it!

Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too.

Have your way with me for the next 30 seconds. That would be more than enough time,

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off.

I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops. I'm a spaceship captain; I'm the only one of my species, and I'm interested in meeting a man. A woman? I'm scared.

I paid for this body and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog, Checkers. Shut up, damn it! Please, Mr. Nixon we're appealing to your sense of decency.

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile You stick around, I'll make it worth your while Like numbers beyond what you can dial Maybe it's because we're so versatile "Style, profile," I said It always brings me back when I hear, "Ooh, child" From the Hudson River...

Odor at magnitude eight.

That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208. Also impossible. And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency.

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000.

It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it! (GRUNTS)

But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha-- You must not give up on her. I am stationed on a distant world known as Virgon 6. But if you return to the future, I will transfer to Earth to give you what help I can.

should sink into an irreversible, permanent... coma. Permanent? That's completely out of character for Antonio. I'm getting up. Curse the tragic wildebeest accident that-- Hey, everyone! Antonio here, but you can call me Bender! I got ants in my butt and I needs to strut.

So how are we supposed to eat and digest?

Having him on staff would distract people from our horrendous safety record. Come in! I'd like everyone to meet our new employees. Uh... which ones are new? The green dude and the fat man. Hmm, I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either.

- It's all right. - Poor Frankie. Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great.

Cool. Can you turn into a race car? Nah, I'm just a pre-op transformer. Thank you for coming, everyone. We're all having some good, clean fun here. Squeaky, squishy clean.

So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo. In other local news disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan today when a titanium mine collapsed trapping 1,000 robot workers.

That's not funny. It's not supposed to be funny. It's a business meeting. Things used to be funny around here.

If you show anyone that picture, there will be terrible consequences. The only thing terrible is going to be my bank account. Wait. Say that again, but say, "Tremendous consequences."

Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway?

That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone! Me next!

What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to. We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger. It's hopeless! Abandon ship! Wait! We just have to get past the eardrum!

Wow. Mining a comet. That sounds fun. Yes. There's no safer occupation than mining, especially when you're perched on a snowball, whipping through space at a million miles an hour. Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

I'm 40% zinc. Then take some echinacea or St. john's wort. Or a big, fat placebo. It's all the same crap. Hey, what's rattling around in there? It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention. To the laboratory.

Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes. Someone should call the losers who were supposed to deliver it. Hello? President Nixon here. I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice. And hurry up. I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover... tryin' to squeeze into a new girdle.

I don't think anyone's here to make that claim.

Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59. (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Your Honor, it's bad enough to proposition a single female lawyer in court but this is a unisex bathroom.

Go, go, go New Justice Team Fighting justice is their quest Super King, Clobberella and all the rest Here's to you New Justice Team Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away.

here's a big cardboard check for $14,000. It's been an emotional day for me. I don't know what to say. Then maybe you should sing it. Lay it down, boys. Ladies, gentlemen, smoking heaps of machinery--

Okay, thanks, Bender. Let's fan out and look for him. Roger that. I got a map of the ship right here. Keep an eye on Fry. We can't rule out the possibility that he did it. Aha!

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

Aw, hang in there, folks. I bet before you know it, you guys'll be-- That is so wrong! You can't just melt down broken robots.

(ALL CHEERING) Oh, I'm just glad I didn't live to see this day. Hey, wait a second. (HEARTBEAT) No!

There's no part of that sentence I didn't like. Is everyone present? - We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely. Here's the plan. We'll enter the ear, drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm,

Come on, it's just like making love. You know, left, down, rotate 62 degrees engage rotor.

It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed. Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine. Fry, what's wrong?

You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper!

This is my robot Bender, and this is my other robot Bender. Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one.

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow! This is all Leela's fault. Yeah.

only the most pathetically useless employee will be fired today. And that employee is... Hermes Conrad. What? No way! Hermes, no!

Husband, can't you go anywhere without lightin' somethin' up? It's an old jamaican accounting tradition. We burn his time card. That way, his zombie doesn't come back looking for his final paycheck.

You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry!

So, Fry... what do you think of the impulsive new me? I like it. Good, now let me just get the lights. I really like it.

I am right. I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go. Oh, mighty Mayor, we're here about Turanga Leela. You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding...

Get in the tube, dummy.

No further questions. Daddy done good, huh? Isn't it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you?

He's on the roof! Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover. Push, push! Use teamwork! Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Bite my shiny metal ass!

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself. Oh, lord. Don't try to talk me out of it! Well?

Besides, I got my own secrets. Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots. (DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair.

Hi, Red! Roberto? Wh-Wh-Wh-What are you doing here? I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say.

Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle. Yo! Hero in the house.

That's my man. All right, baby, limbo. I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear. That's my man.

Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling.

Yes! Ow. And the winner is... Destructor!

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Of course! It's so simple!

Calculon, I'm afraid you won't be returning to All My Circuits. What? Called it. Your hammy old-fashioned overacting doesn't fly anymore. Old-fashioned? Hammy? God's wounds! Our network is targeting a hip new demographic,

Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer.

This crisis has reached the highest level. (GURGLING ROAR) Good God, it's Richard Nixon, our greatest President!

Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you--

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight! (MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music! - Is that the tune, Fry? - No. Then stop dreaming it! (MUZAK STOPS)

(LAUGHS) Ah, let's not let those dark days ruin our visit. Philip, what do you say we go out today and live it up? "Live it up"? I'll be surprised if you live it out!

you may well suffer an attack of explosive amnesia! For you see, the horrible secret is-- Whoever's directing this is a master of suspense!

(SCOFFS) You can't suddenly know something just by assembling a committee of words.

You won't pass for human, cutie. But if my Ph.D. in Excel-Linguistics is worth diddly-poop, this note should convince them you're an alien. And that'll be enough to give you a real life.

This just in. Three dead in foamy plunge. (LAUGHS) (GROANS) Still, six out of 10 alive. That's considered good for our species! Five out of 10, also nice. Yep.

Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years.

(BABY CRYING) Eight pounds. I'm naming her Burt. Mazel tov, Chief. That's a beautiful bathroom baby.

That's my little sugar doodle. Cork your face bladder. I'm working! Sorry. I had that coming. It's not easy being a derby wife. The WingNuts, ladies and gentlemen. And that bloodbath takes them to next week's finals against our reigning champions, the Murderflies.

Ow! Come on, Fry! Die with dignity!

What's going on here?

Who's the target consumer?

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) Oh, God. I ruined everything. I blew my one chance to...

Looking for a snake. Looking for a snake.

Aw... Leela! Right, right. You have to stop this madness! Listen, lady, as you can plainly see I'm a highly desirable male, groaning with jelly yet I embrace a life of celibacy in order to uphold our crazy traditions. One of your friends must die!

Save my friends! And Zoidberg! Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do.

That'll be, I don't know, 10 bucks. Can you make change for a Nobel Prize? Man, can't we just make more petroleum oil? I'm afraid not, son. Petroleum only forms when organic matter is subjected to intense pressure for hundreds of millions of years.

I don't miss twice, campers.

(GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you.

Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point?

Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger. - Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING)

Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes. But the caffeine really sped things up. That stuff's wonderful.

Do your worst, ya sea devils! I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie! You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit!

through a mouthful of summer sausage, mmm, where I hardly know where to begin. Mmm! A huge spacecraft, piloted by a devastatingly handsome... (SIGHS) Now, how in God's name do I know what the fellow looks like if he's inside a ship miles in the air? It's just foolish on its face.

What about on the roof?

I'll miss you, Mr. Peppy, but you'll be happier here. (MUTTERING) So, go on, go. Goodbye, Mr. Peppy. Come on, man, don't do this. Go on now. I mean it, don't make this any harder than it has to be. It's time to let go.

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy. Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck. Amy, why don't you give his body a going-over with the cleaning pick? Okay.

I know she said not to contact her, but it's been three weeks. I'm going to fall down that manhole again and visit her. (BEEPING) Leela's wrist thingy. How can I help you? Fry, where's Leela? We haven't seen her since she sprouted tentacles. What? She didn't move down there? Then where is she? That's what I called to ask you.

Uh, sir-- Who threw that? That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

You mean... (WHISPERING) How dare you? (ALL EXCLAIMING) So, the death-sphere is "censoring" indecent planets? Indeed, and we're next if we can't keep it in our collective pants.

I love those magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots are my friends.

I always thought I'd have a hand in it. I'm not sad, because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver--" "And the other's gold."

they'll start jabbering about equal rights in their ill-bred manner. Let's go. If I say one more thing, I might say it with my evening boot. Well! Rarely have I never! Please, don't blame Leela. She's just a little ill-bred. You know how mutants are. (ALL GASPING)

(ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar! I have got to quit drinking.

Let's just keep an eye on him and see if he does it a couple more times. You're looking good to Flexo tonight. Quit makin' with the googly eyes. You know that I'm in love with Bender. Bender? That walkin' wuss factory? He may be a walkin' factory, but believe me, he is no wuss. Now look, you and me are through. I told you that when I divorced you.

You're under a lot of guilt stress, Leela. Here, work it out. I am not under stress, damn it!

He's escaping on a bicycle powered by love. Which is an ordinary thing on this planet. (ALL PANTING) They're getting away. Love harder!

Death by snu-snu! Although the Snu-snu part's gonna be pretty good. Baby, it'll blow your mind. Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of,

We demand... We demand to eat one human for each Omicronian that was eaten. Fair enough. How many is that? 198 billion, sir. Very well. You will provide us with 198 billion humans and, uh, small fries. Lurr!

But, Bender, your buttocks could save lives. I hate lives!

And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant--

So I gotta hide forever? No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you. They're pretty good at that. Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

She's naked but unharmed.

(BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar!

Um, Leela? Fry! I'll read your candy later-- when we're not dead.

Well, I assist the Professor in whatever important research he happens to be engaged in.

Ah, bathtub eggnog. just the way Grandma used to drink. Eww! It went sour! Can't I have a scented bath in peace?

It's to Earth. Earth is dangerous. I fell off my chair there once. Ow! Quit it, Earth. We won't even have to leave New New York. The package is going to Long Long Island. Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster?

"Fry sits on a pie." "Fry finds popcorn in his belly button." "You eat a sausage made of Fry." "Fry gives you a chicken hat." Oh, that's sweet.

Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up. How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song? He found a way.

I would never do something like that to a friend... Every single night while he's sleeping.

Uh, right. Right. We're the losers. Well, if it isn't old One Eye. Oh, yeah? Well, shut up, Cane Boy! He can't hear ya. He's deaf now. Leave Leela alone. She's leading a perfectly normal life.

Yeah, life is hilariously cruel.

You just hop into bed with my boyfriend? And you! As God is my witness, I'll never forgive you for this! Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking.

I give you the next president of Earth! Nixon's back!

All right, little ones. Back to the orphanarium. You can slide around the gym in your socks. What socks?

Now it's personal. Your mission is to infiltrate the Info-Sphere...

This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat. Okay, start.

(ROBOT DEVIL LAUGHING EVILLY) Run for your life, Fry! Move your ham flaps!

At precisely 3:40, the hazmat team arrives to swap out the shrimp. (MUFFLED SHOUTS) Meanwhile, 10 floors above, the vault is being opened.

Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh. All right! Yeah! Whoo!

Well, old Bender will make you laugh. Look at me, look Be-da-bah-boo, de-da-be-bah-boom...

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our director, the legendary Harold Zoid. Thank you. A more classic movie plot there isn't. A son who does not want to follow in his father's business, and that business is being president of Earth, no less.

Now, be careful, Fry and if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage... their rich, tasty courage.

What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford?

MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you? You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot

Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonight. Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race!

But are they really my feelings? Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree.

Brother Fry, thou hast visitors. Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See? Just get out of here. Go!

Trees down. Trees down.

Curious. You are a diarchic society? Um. Maybe.

Melissa, send in the new kid. I... am... Destructor!

(DOOR BELL CHIMES) My God! It's full of geezers.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter.

Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

As God is my witness, you can count on me. Well, see you tomorrow. Not surprising enough.

Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours.

(WHEEZING) It's time for you to keep your promise and kill me. This is very difficult, but I'll try, friend. (SCREECHING)

My tummy hurts and I've been having this burning electrical discharge. Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel. (SIGHS) The news is so violent. Let's watch Rachael Ray instead. No, wait, there might be chopping.

Launch all missiles!

Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by... Shankman's Rubbing Compound. When something needs rubbing, think Shankman. Yea, Shankman!

Super King, Clobberella and all the rest

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Hey, pookums, contrary to what I was sayin' earlier, melding minds with you would be extremely bearable. You really mean it? Uh, yes. Whoa-oh!

Huh. I guess I am a cannon. (MOANS) Time to prune the family tree. Wha! (ALL CHEERING) Huzzah! I've saved the Farnsworth name.

Hey, Fry... I'm steering with my ass. That's the best thing I ever saw.

No, it isn't. Guys, come on out. (ALL GASPING) Holy moly again. Hello, Leela. I was just telling my friends how they shouldn't eat food off the floor. Should we sing a song about it? Yes, please. No need, Ladybuggle. Say, what's going on here?

The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement. Oh, no. No, no. Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! (MOANING) Un-paw him, you big ape! I saw this in a Tarzan movie!

Next time I'm keeping it.

Are you? Nah. We understand each other. People think you're just a dumb mutt who smells bad, can't find a girlfriend... and has a crummy job. But you're keeping it real, and you call no man "mister." Well, good-bye. Live long and prosper.

(WHISTLING) (CHUCKLING) (BLOWS TRUMPET) The feast is served! Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like. Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea.

(KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty! I'm 40% back, baby!

Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

(CALCULON CHOKING) Now, that's acting. Calculon really Shatnered the hell out of that scene.

Get ready! Okay, watch yourself. Here they come. When you were planning this peace ring, didn't you realize spaceships can move in three dimensions? No, I did not.

Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave... at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery, buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe. So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours.

Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out.

Go on, stick, touch me! Can't do it! Husband, you haven't been an Olympic class limboer for 20 years!

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose. Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh. Mmm... you.

Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) Fee-fi-fo-fum! You had me at "fee"! It's another one of Mom's genetic monstrosities!

(SQUAWKING) Gadzooks! Bender's hard drive no longer contains any of his old memories! When the Feds bumpkinized him, they completely wiped out his old identity! (ALL GASP) Well, I don't know about that,

This seems as good a time as any to bring up my new grill for no reason. With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending.

from that aluminum snack box? So now I'm in the gutter, surrounded by bums who eat garbage? Money brought me no happiness. Bubkes! Ooh, this boot's got a little pudding at the bottom! Interestingly, the Spidarians...

What the hell was that?

I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters?

Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never. Fraternities... on your marks.

One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no."

(GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh! (GRUNTS) (GROANS) Help! Boy trapped in ice!

Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36.

A thought occurs-- There aren't that many humans. We'll wait a few weeks while you shore up the numbers. Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

(GASPS) Do you think they're dead?

Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure?

Thank you very much, Morris. Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course.

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What?

Back in the 1980s, I was the toast of Wall Street.

No! We can't wait for Bender. It's time for a woman's touch. Heeyah! Hoh! Ahh! Heeyooh! Yah! Yah! Yah! Ow!

If anyone ever got hold of anchovy DNA they could chop out the oil-making gene stick it in a bunch of third world kids and bam! Cheap, effective robot oil-- enough to put dear old Mom out of business.

Hmm? 198 billion babies in a few weeks. We'll need an army of super-virile men scoring 'round the clock! I'll do my part. Kiff, clear my schedule.

That guy in the punch bowl was your father. Look at him. I'm so proud. Thanks, Professor. Not you.

microwave till juicy. (DINGS) And bang! You've got a cocktail treat complete with built-in toothpicks. (CHUCKLES) Mmm! Dare I even ask what horrors are behind that door? It's where I keep my warning signs, all right? Stop asking questions! Fine. Can I go now?

I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now.

Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey.

Are there really giant birds like that? No, no, that was all just special effects. Now, let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.

in case an enemy knocks the laser guns out of our hands...

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again. Not necessarily, for the dog may yet survive.

With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happenin'. Let's kill him ourselves.

Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

I'm not a one-woman man, Leela. You'll be back to zero soon enough. Don't you get it? She's smothering me. Hi. You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy.

Oh! This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack! (ALL GASPING) I'm a doctor, and, yes, they're real. (DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear!

That's Amy's sweatshirt. And that's Bender's hat from the Players' Ball! Sweet tornados of Barbados! Amy and Bender have been torn to shreds. (ALL GASP) Oh, the humanity! Also, Bender.

But no interfering with our grand works.

I thought something looked different in here.

Our electric bill is climbing faster than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously, someone 'round here been wasting a whole heap of juice. - Probably you. - Me? Good morning, Bender. None of your business! Get off my back!

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch.

(PEOPLE GASPING) Ew! Oh! Did my bodily infirmity embarrass you? Not at all. It's just another thing that makes you a very special lady. You mean, like my penis? (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) Admit it! You're disgusted by me!

the age-old secret... of perfect flavor. Oh, yeah! Slop's on! Fine-lookin' eats.

The thoughts of others screech at them like the forced laughs... of a billion art-house movie patrons.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us.

AMY: Fry? Are you down here? He's all right! Praise Gilgamesh! So you started the fire? I'm afraid so. Bender was thousands of miles away.

Take that! And that! This sentence I don't understand, but take this one!

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves! Santa! You saved my life. Please don't kill me.

Hi. Care to sample the latest fragrance from Calvin Clone? No, thanks. And you, sir? No, thanks. I-- What a lovely face.

This is hard. Now I know why butterflies are always so grouchy. ANNOUNCER: Please welcome tonight's volunteer victims, Turanga Leela and Amy Wong! Hang on. We're not quite ready to...

Yes, I will! Oh! They're getting married. Congratulations, Leela.

I'm seeing double.

Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya.

I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli, and that's--

So? What do you think of my comic? Let me put it like this. After I leave here, I'm getting a memory enema.

(ENGINE REVVING) Whoa! Fifteen miles over the speed of light. That's a violation of the law of Lorentz invariance, baby. Light 'em up.

Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation? All right! Whoo!

A missile would go right through it. But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks. In theory, it could work.

You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"! You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you.

No wonder it's such a mess in there. These bad boys are hard to aim. I hate being a man. I smell bad, my face is scratchy, and the food at those strip clubs is terrible.

(BELL CLANGS) (GRUNTING) (YELLING) (CROWD CHEERING) (BELL CLANGS) (YELLS)

Mm. The "gristle in a blanket" isn't half-bad. And try one of these popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavor. Hey, look. It's our old group picture.

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. Santa Claus, you stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plead? Not Santa. There he is again!

Since when is the Internet about robbing people of their privacy? August 6, 1991.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors...

What? Row, comrades, row! We'll soon stage an attack on technology... worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush!

Bender, would you do the honors? With gusto. Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya.

Mmm. No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams. (ALL SCREAMING) You will now remove your skulls and play dodgeball with them for my amusement! Ooh! I could swear his horns have gotten longer!

It's me, Mom. Hey, who's the rocker jockey? Guh! It's Mom-- the world's most huggable industrialist. Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty.

MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump in the New Hampshire polls today, where he simuldined in 250 diners at once via hologram. This pie at this diner is the best pie. (ALL CHEERING) LINDA: Chris Travers wins the South California primary handily, thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me. Fry who?

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym.

Oh, very well. Well, with Zapp gone and my parents still here I suggest Fry give me a nice convincing kiss. Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy. - Mmm. - Mmm. Hmm. Sir, remember your course correction?

The law is clear.

Where will I go? What will I do? You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7:00, ma'am. Oh, that'll be fun. Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir.

My boyfriend gave me a diamond - Hurry, hurry, hurry... Oh!

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

Rest in peace, homie. Yo, Paco, I'm hurtin' bad. Hook me up with some spark. Five bucks. Five bucks? You know I spent all my money on gambling lessons. How am I supposed to get five bucks?

Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you.

Hermes, don't press that button!

Ah. Check out the glowing freaks. It's beautiful.

She once was A true love of mine We're home. Well, let's earn some bread. Brothers and sisters, get your love beads. Can't journey to the center of your mind without love beads. Wow, look at the colors!

It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel.

And which one rocked your world? Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that?

Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is... It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

You were in the best coma I've ever seen! The doctor said you'd never wake up.

Bender, no! Fry, stay back! You jerk! I thought I was your best friend. What kind of two-timing killmobile are you?

(GRUNTS) Bender? I should have known you started this fire. Just another chance to be a hero. Well, you're not saving me. Not this time. I don't have time for this shazbot.

How was your day? Test complete. What is the score? Uh. Men, five, women, less. Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better. The men win that round.

Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth!

And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut! Good enough.

Is it part of the opera?

Life and death are a seamless continuum.

But so help me, this year everyone will hate it as much as I do. Someday I want to marry a girl like her.

"Dear Santa--" Please, please don't bring me any gifts. The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun... really tore up my insides. Awful. Let's read some more. "Dear Santa--" Please bring me a coffin for Grandpa. You choked him with a chestnut last year,

No! It's just a poor, scared wild robot. What did you expect? (GASPS) My sign. It's ruined. Kill the fox. (GRUNTING)

I can't live forever and I need an heir-- Someone to spend my vast riches and take care of my man-eating anteaters when I'm gone.

Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity. Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization...

Bender, why did you jump in? Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING)

You know, Umbriel, these last 24 hours have been the happiest days of my life. Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me. Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

Oh, great news, everyone.

Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb? Honeycomb's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small? No, no, no. It'll take more than deadly, deadly bees to keep us from doing our job.

We once found a dead guy face-down in the Slurm It could easily happen again to you folks So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut Grunka lunka lunka dunkity dutt! Hey! I don't pay you to sing.

Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted. I guess I'll be dizzy and uncoordinated for the rest of my...

Aw, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape. I'd be cuddly, too, if someone gave me a new cape. Who's playing "Pin the tail on the moon maggot"? Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!

become a community organizer, a senator, and finally, defeat Richard Nixon. I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

Quit your braggin'! My boyfriend's alive too! Oop, not anymore.

Ooh, this is real futuristic.

Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

I love you, Bender. I love you, too. Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself.

That's right, Robot Devil, and we've come to reclaim a soul. A what? You know, the disembodied software, whatever. Oh! Then the answer is no. Once a robot comes here, he's mine for all eternity. Now hit the bricks.

Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria.

We have one thing to do. ALL BENDERS: Screw that! Come on, you lazy jerks! If we all pitch in, we each only have to do one quintillionth of a thing. ALL BENDERS: (SIGHING) All right.

Wait. This is what we're running from.

Bender, wake up. Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor? Bender, what happened?

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

That's basically what I do every day. To the end of the universe!

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

I ate garbage yesterday, and it didn't cost me $300!

I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not.

I challenge you to a battle of the chefs!

People of New New York, this is Surgeon General Ogden Wernstrom. Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom!

Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with. Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one. Pow! We took care of the time travel paradox.

Good. That's the last species. - Huh? Huh? - Huh? Hey, what the-- Where'd they all go?

I can't see their faCes only the shadows of their eyes I'm going where the sun keeps shining... Through the pouring rain

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you! Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me.

Don't leave orphans. Gotta kill entire families. But they're so cute. No, you can do this. It's just like murdering a little butler.

Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies. We demand justice.

You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness! Amazingly, I, too, set up a spy camera to catch Zoidberg stealing my lunch.

One, two! one, two, three!

Whatever. Later. Bye.

So how are you going to lug all those gifts to Mom's factory? I'll get a couple of chumps to help me. Come on. You call yourselves chumps?

I think you broke the universe. Everything but us is frozen.

There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

You saved us. Are you all right? Yes, my love. I'll be just-- Massive corn clog in port seven. Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image.

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No. So beat it!

Cornelia, my love, will you marry me? Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg.

Get the hell off my planet.

Well, hello there, handsome. Won't you have a... cookie? Ah, don't mind if I do. Heh! Ow! What's in these things?

It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me.

CROWD: Ooh! It's about time. MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated.

As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy? Well, it's mostly for show. Do you know how to play the fiddle? No, do you? No, but I used to play the drums. They're sort of similar. What happens if we lose? You'll only win a smaller silver fiddle.

(WHISTLING) (DOORBELL CHIMES) Mom? Dad? Come home, Amy. It your decision. We can't make you. Attagirl.

You make a persuasive argument, Fry. Come on, Bender. You can do it.

Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

You want to save him, too, Lemon? You barely know him. Fry, don't you recognize me? Hermes?

In Mexico, I believe.

Yo, uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by? - Hell no! - Shut up! Beat it, jerk! Uh, have you robot versions of you guys... seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?

The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000, when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers. It's not that bad. Fate brought us together, and now fate brought us here. No, you brought us here. Whine some more, Fry. I really find that attractive in a man. Now, come on, build us a shelter.

Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned.

And this time I mean it!

WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty. (GRUNTS) Oh, God! I clicked without reading! And I slightly modified a thing that I own! We're monsters!

Fry, no! He's bulging with what could be muscles. Ooh!

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym. The gymnasium? Excellent, excellent.

(PANTING) Quick, in here. We're the only ones left who can trust each other. I know you well enough that no creature could ever fool me. No matter how much it looked like you. Leela, I'm honored, but for your own safety, you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me.

Why can't I shoot you? (LAUGHING) Poor deterministic Bender. I programmed you to be incapable of harming me. Oh, I've never been more sure I was right to deny you free will. Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING)

Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive.

(CHUCKLES) You humans and your fragile organs. One little stab to the goo, and... (IMITATES SQUIRTING) (EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead, Earth man.

the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery. Okay. It's crime time.

Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out. Come on!

Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to pay tribute to the heroic Planet Express crew!

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Careful. This is the most...

Yeah, good luck with that.

That's from Xmas and Robanukah you plagiarizing lout Yeah, I'm kind of losing interest here I best be rolling out But before I go, the most important thing What's that, black Santa? You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night But they best be made of beeswax or you all might as well be white

Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you, I'll take you where there's nothing flammable, so you can't do any more harm.

Kif, you're slacking off on my waving arm. (EXCLAIMS) (CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds! Whoa. Sweet shirt, dude. Thanks. I have another one that says "Paleontologists Do It In The Dirt."

Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great. As long as you don't make me smell Uranus. I don't get it. I'm sorry, Fry but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all. Oh. What's it called now? Urectum.

(WHIRRING) Ew! Why is that happening? And will I have to die listening to country music? Not if I can get you to a better doctor. We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

You see, Chapek 9 was colonized centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists. Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a "radical." Hey, hold on. I understand these robots hate humans but how do they feel about humanoid aliens? They're not fans.

Chop-chop. Ooh. Ooh. Um, sir, there's something about that ensign that's-- You're damn right there is. That strapping young lad's gunning for your job, and he just might get it.

This is Walgreens brand nose paper.

(GULPING) (MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMS) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Help! My gyroscope melted! I'm out of control! (BOTH SCREAMING) If the creature kills me, I just hope it doesn't make me into a sandwich and leave it in the fridge where some crawfish can get at it.

Mutate! Mutate! Mutate! Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name? Whee! What happened?

The grown-ups have to talk. Come on, Ma.

Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes. But I need you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me. You'll have to throw it into the sun itself, for only the thermonuclear inferno of the sun...

Of all the creatures in the Galapagos, none is rarer or more tragic than the Pinta Island tortoise. Only a single living specimen is known to exist, Lonesome Hubert. Sad news, everyone. I'm lonesome. Hey, would it cheer you up if we gave you a symbiotic parasite cleaning?

I shall pit you against each other in armed combat... to the death! Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66. I was getting to that one!

couldn't you go back in time as far as you want by pressing the button over and over? Certainly not. Each time the button sends you back 10 seconds, it takes 10 seconds to recharge. There, it's recharged. Ah... Again, again.

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board, so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him. Neat. So, where we going?

It should say, "Top-quality Exercycle for sale." And could you put "top-quality" in bold? You can't? Okay, whatever. Remember, it's up to us.

As you can see, I accidentally created... a box containing your universe. While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created the box containing your universe.

Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true.

Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron! Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices.

You mean peer pressure? Look out. He's got a gun! Leave me alone. Hey, what's going on? I thought you didn't like bananas. Of course I do.

Also, I rigged one race. I'd have won a lot of money too, if I still had my lucky seven-leaf clover. Plus, I'd still have my hair. I got your page, Mr. Fry. Your new hair is ready. So, whatever happened to this seven-leaf clover? I hid it in a secret hiding place...

(BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you? I don't remember. Me neither. Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4?

(SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES)

Bender, you didn't have to come down here. I know, but I just missed Nibbler so much. He was so cute. He was so sweet. Yuck. This emotional display is making me nauseous. Or maybe it's whatever that is.

And here's your check. Bam!

Then thou art not members of the shadow society! The what now? Not one more word shall I breathe. Not even about the great fountain where thou mayest find the... Wait... Thou didst not know about the fountain, didst thou? Curses! I must be punished.

Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet. But sweet girls aren't for you, eh? You hard-fightin', hard-fartin', ugly, ugly son of a... Stop! Stop flattering me.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What? What about what? Uh, what if we go for a walk, possibly, because it's such a lovely day, perhaps. I'd love to. We gotta get someplace where he won't stick his finger.

But really I'll be dead.

(MOANS) At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in four fingers! It's been a good run, people, but this is the end. Wait. I've got it! This building's technically in the theater district.

Hurry, Bender, get the bra! Okay, fan, just hold still and let me... Hey! Whoa! Death to all humans!

I'd sell my stock right now for a sandwich. Sold! A complete sandwich? You got fleeced. I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside.

Dust storm! Oh, dust storm! Everybody into house! Hurry, before we die! And wipe your damn feet! Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish. I have you know I'm friends with every judge on planet.

One more lap! Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap. (CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology.

Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike and junk. Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you. Everything was going great. Then all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out.

(ALARM SOUNDING)

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Hmm, I like this guy's lack of style. So's I finally give this guy a pair of cement shoes, which he likes 'cause they're lighter than his lead ones. Hey, you think this computes over here? Where's all my change? I gave you a 100. No, you gave me a 50.

Oh, nag, nag, nag.

That's Lrrr! Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Uh-- Don't mind if I do. Kids'll be hungry. She seems a little old for me. She is well-traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot. Wheels fell off my house. Now, how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop. I'll take one. Oh, yeah? Well, I want one, too. Eight bucks. You just said--

His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder. But, but, Bender need brain for smart making. What did you do now? Stop doing things.

I've been tunneling for decades, searching every instant from yesterday to tomorrow. We've been right now the whole time. I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh!

No! According to this gizmometer, Fry is dead and nothing can bring him back.

Mmm. It's a good start. Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right. I just wonder if it's too big, you know? I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue? But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications.

Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos! So, Amy, um-- Well, uh--

Bender, if you wanna sleep in the tent tonight, you're welcome to join me and Hermes for a little "just friends" spooning. Nah, I'm comfy out here under the stars. Whoa! Real comfy.

Um-- Uh-- Sign it to Melllvar. Melllvar has three "L's". I think I've done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.

In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine! I wonder, my friends. Was he really such an evil energy gas?

The eyes are watching me. Hmm. It has motor eye sensors attached to motion detectors. So does my butt but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although... What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

No! We like you and your big words. And we need you back on TV so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it! Your voice is so annoying! You always leave the toilet seat crushed! See? Goodbye, boys.

Oh, I was hoping you would come back. I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays. Monday monkey lives for the weekend, sir. just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip.

On Halloween and New Year's Eve Yankee girls ya just can't be beat

That was almost the perfect crime but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors... but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper. Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock.

On the other hand, we already made up... 200 pounds of batter for penguin tempura. Okay, boys, it's them or us! No!

What's going on? Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character?

Knowing their fate, the quality people ran away-- Ted Turner, Hank Aaron, Jeff Foxworthy the guy who invented Coca-Cola, the Magician, and the other so-called gods of our legends-- though gods they were... and also, Jane Fonda was there.

34 red. You win $288 million. (ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

all alcohol on Earth has mysteriously disappeared. Consequences are minimal, except among the most hardened alcoholics. Linda? I can no longer face my children!

It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul.

(GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen. Is that even necessary? I'm sorry, Daddy.

Uh, well, uh... the question is-is vague. You don't say what kind of candy, uh, whether anyone is watching... At any rate, I certainly wouldn't harm the child.

Bender! Shh! We have to be careful not to remind her! What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief. (SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right.

Sir? You seem pretty stable. Have you thought about adopting one of our kids? Sure haven't. Well, Keep adoption in mind. It's a great way to have a kid without having sex. Really? Plus, the government will help out with a small stipend of $100 a week! A hundred dollars a week!

- Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent,

Spargle, you're fired. We need a chef who can attract today's younger, more extreme cooking show viewer. Elzar! Get lost, old man! Bam! Mein soufflÉ!

Besides, I thought we were friends. Yeah, well you shouldn't have been such a mean captain, then. Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh. Back in my old uniform.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm...

Freestyle It's on and poppin' Ain't no stoppin' Us from rockin' From tonight to ten o'clock Bender, I've been to wang dang doodles all up and down the galaxy, but this is the dangest wang I ever doodled. Oh, yeah! Come on, baby, let's do it!

Foxhunting is an ancient and noble pursuit that's fascinated me ever since I first heard of it 10 minutes ago. Noble pursuit? What's noble about killing a defenseless animal? Don't be naive, Leela. We kill defenseless animals all the time. Look at Hermes's tortoiseshell glasses.

I just want this whale to die, die, die! (RUMBLING) What's that loud digesting sound? FRY: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels! Einstein was right.

Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

Versus, Billionaire-bot! Yay!

Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy! Aww, what an adorable, little kajigger.

Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom. Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train! That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez.

Help! Police! Everybody grab a club.

and you're not nearly as good as them. Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day! Huh? Oh!

Am I just an automaton, or can a machine of sufficient complexity legitimately achieve consciousness? I agree.

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us." "Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel! You're not acting hard enough!

Just stay out of my way, boy.

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first.

Shut up, baby, you love it.

Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you. A good bureaucrat never finishes early. That's okay, Hermes.

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot! Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation. Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself. No, they were assassinated.

Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu! Kif! jump! My hero.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible! Nothing is impossible.

(BELCHES) As you can see by my jeans and hoodie, I'm a young Internet billionaire. DR. ZOIDBERG: Help! I'm sick! I can't move at all! What was that?

I had a nice picking last time I was here. Come on, let's take a walk. I'll show you around.

Right. Yeah, okay. Oh, dear God! Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt. Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading.

What was that? Oh, nothing! We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion!

Bender's going to be killed! You know what else I could use? A weekend at one of those fancy spas. And a Toblerone.

If you don't mind, we're here to deliver the scissors for the ribbon cutting. Then you're under arrest. What for? How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot? But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them? The Yarn People of Nylar Four.

P-U! This fish is slightly too rotten to even make jambalaya.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING)

I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans. Dr. Banjo? In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory, like gravity, or the shape of the Earth.

Oh, yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal-- Oh, no!

Yahoo! The system fails again! And Mr. Fry, I sentence you... to the home for criminally insane humans. Your Honor, that facility has been full... ever since you ruled that being poor is a mental illness. Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about...

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah!

Fry, Leela, Bender, I want you to go with him. Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Wong. I'll get your cattle back or die trying.

What are we supposed to do, just sit here and wait for Mr. Peppy to be killed? Sounds like a plan. Guess I'll pass the time by lighting up an El Jerko. (BIRD CHIRPING)

(SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

(BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay!

Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on. Man, I have got to go back to law school.

Why did the world turn its back on our obvious greatness? I'm literally angry with rage! Your costars may be gone, but we can still get those episode tapes back for the whole world to see! Come on! Yes! Front row!

(BRAKES SQUEAL) Turn around. Go away. Do it now. Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach?

No, I guess it keeps going.

Hey, Santa, when you see the robot devil, tell him I'm a-comin'. - Hey, that guy said to tell you that-- - I heard him.

Leela, listen. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Oh. So you only care about my looks? No, I... What? Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire,

So I brought Dwight my book on mathketball. Whoa! Let me see that. I'll sign it for you later. Man, it's a cold one out there. Barbados Slim? Come in, Barbados. Look at yourself, all throbbing and shirtless for the holiday.

What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

What? I said, everything's going to be all right. Uh-- Uh, maybe I am freakin' out a little. A little? You're screwier than my Aunt Rita, and she's a screw. I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey. You've been taking space honey? Be careful, you purple-haired imbecile!

Instead, they will eat only a single human of their choice. We choose to eat the first Earthling who ate our offspring. Here is the culprit as photographed by our nanny-cam satellite. She must be sacrificed but the rest of you shall be spared.

Hey, Mickey, you seem kind of down. You should try some sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. My sugar-blasted purpleberries are triple-soaked in maple-flavored syrup to start your day with purple power. And the leftover milk looks like Purpleberry Pond.

Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God!

Career chips. You remember-- they assign you the job you're best at. I tried to give you one and you ran away? It's how we met? And then what happened?

Of course not. What idiot thinks that? You. (GASPS) You're using my own words against me. Go to hell!

Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be...

No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence--

Do the Bender! Do the Bender!

Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a mild delirium.

My God, the real Santa! Get him, Jesus! I help those who help themselves!

We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha--

Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Still, to have your own pool.

Name's Billy West. (LAUGHS) Billy West? What a stupid, phony, made-up name.

I used to be too cute, so I had cuteness reduction surgery.

That's exactly what I was thinking. Nooooo! Mommy. Okay, Funog, that's enough. Call him off. Funog?

Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us. What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today.

In this phase, you will literally wrestle with your demons. Your shapely, buxom, human demons. Look at the rack on that one. I mean, that one on the rack!

You calling me crazy? Ain't nothing crazy about me but my brain. Right, brain?

Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What? Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place. Because Honest Bender's Orphanarium means discount orphans.

Fry! Shut up and look at this! "May cause superpowers in humans." Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub into your skin? You'd think it would be something you have to freebase.

So, do you know what I'm gonna do before I do it? Yes. What if I do something different? Then I don't know that.

giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture. We accept your offer of peace. Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons. I'll test it out on that innocent bystander. Ow! Yo, you just shot yourself again! It's a trick! Get 'em!

I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow! How odd. It's one of those old record-your-own-message birthday cards. (TUNE PLAYING) Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine...

horse fries, horse cakes and shakes.

or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up. It's crooked! In the end though, it doesn't matter who my parents were. All that matters is what I learned here, within these unscalable walls, that I had the strength to make it on my own.

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location.

HERMES: Sweet dodo of Lesotho!

time to kick your frosty, well-toned ass. Yaah! Whuh! Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm?

I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch? Well, if you don't like that try some Archduke Chocula.

I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality. The jig's up, Nixon. We'll trade you the tape for the body. Oh, expletive deleted. You've got a deal. Hey, I've got one last thought.

No, that's not why I did it. Then, like, why did you do it? I'm mentally ill. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (CROWD CHEERING)

(SNAKE HISSING) Watch out! What brings yous to this part of the isles? He's gonna eat us! Don't be such a finch.

Some cops can read minds. Did you do it or not? I'm not a mind reader. Some cops can see the past. I could solve this crime if only I had personally watched it happen. And some cops get help from angels. Come on, Gabriel, you must have seen something! No, man, I ain't seen nothing for no cop.

Negative. Rosemary, release the Surgeon General. ROSEMARY: Get in there! Ow! It's bright out here. Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed. Give me a worst-case scenario. And make it grim.

Fry, due to the unfortunate loss of Officer Smith, you'll be riding with URL. And Smitty was just a few days from retirement. What happened? He took a early retirement. Damn. Let's get down to business.

Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time!

We haven't seen her since she sprouted tentacles. What? She didn't move down there? Then where is she? That's what I called to ask you. Well, you didn't! I've got to figure out where Leela went. I just need some kind of clue. Ow! (GASPS) Leela's boot. Where did it come from?

Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

Let me get this straight. Does anyone here not have amnesia? - Hmm. - Ooh. I'm not sure. I don't know. This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps!

Gross! Ick! Mm. Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench--

You can't give up your childhood! You'll never have another chance at it!

Yeah, it really puts you in the Christmas spirit.

Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No!

Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif? This planet's got it going on.

So far, so good.

I'll have to start at the bottom. But Fox already said no. I mean live theater!

Are you okay, Bender? None of your business! Get off my back!

I lost my cool, and I'm sorry.

What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation. Repeat customer discount, free meals 'cause I brought my own peanut butter. Whole trip cost less than 600 bucks.

I'll use them to transmit the twit-worm. Mother, you devious hag. Tell us more about this twit-worm. It's a very special computer virus, for instead of infecting computers,

I'll make you a perfume of lilac and jasmine and Franken Berry.

My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks. Cue the fireworks guy!

What would happen if Fry never came to the future?

From here to Pakistan Oh You better not breathe, you better not move You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude Santa Claus is gunning you down. Merry Xmas, everyone.

Aah! Whew. Bye, Fry and Leela! Ohh.

But here's a disturbing reminder: Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead. These things happen. Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one

- LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying!

(GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew!

Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated. It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity.

One more lap! Nah, half a lap. You forgot, on the Mobius strip, two laps is one lap. (CHUCKLES) You kids and your topology.

Oh... can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. No, you don't. I've got no home, no family. No friends. My whole world is gone.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute! Whoo-hoo! Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

Collect call from...

Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows, how about a film we can all enjoy? Planet of the Clams. It's about an upside-down world where lobster is slave to clam. Who invited you? Let's just see All My Circuits: the Movie.

17.9 billion acres. We own entire Western Hemisphere. That the best hemisphere. It's the same on Earth. Here is most number one product of all-- the mighty buggalo. They used for everything-- meat, milk, and the shells make good rowboat.

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Belligerent and numerous. Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.

Ah, the 67th Amendment.

I hate waiting in line to die. Move it along, grandma. Stick your hand in and take your chances. CHOOSE-MATRON: Female, crotchety. Needed to keep others in their place. Accepted! Damn straight, kajigger! Ooh, me next! We just got one of these. Rejected!

(PANTING) Free beer. Free beer. Free beer. Free beer.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet. I mean, cheating in a fake fight-- That's low. Better than being a girl... like you. You're a girl. Oh, right. Girls lack the will of the warrior.

Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh!

Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar.

Remember what the dormouse said feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies. I am not a crook's head.

Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have-- a soul. Eh. And freckles. Well, I'm out of material.

Oh, Bender. Thou robots really cracketh me up. You know, I like it here. What's the rent on one of these jars? Sorry, Bender, but we can't allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to move in. No offense jefferson, Nixon and Truman.

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls? Why, you!

I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it. Come on, let's go home. Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?!

Well, why don't you think back to what brought you together in the first place. Oh, I don't know. Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer!

and Bender stole it, so we'll start with him. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I...

(SNAPS FINGER) (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy. Okay. Well, that's all. Also, I'm covered with severe burns. So? What of it?

I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside.

Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment!

but I had a very good reason. Perhaps you'd favor us with it? My pleasure. You see, I came down with a searing case of "who-gives-a-crap?"

I'm your top of the line, Mom. Notice that this obsolete robot... runs on alcohol and emits pollution. Whereas Robot 1-X runs on pollution... and emits pure oxygen with a fresh pine scent.

My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

just bear with me, sir. Anyway, I'm walking to work this morning... I doubt it. Listen, pal I may have lost my freakishly long legs in the War of 2012 but I've still got something you'll never have-- a soul. Eh. And freckles.

(ALARM WAILING)

He's walking on sunshine now.

Kif, I'm feeling the captain's itch. I'll get the powder, sir. No, the itch for adventure. Prepare to change course. Sir, this is a leisure cruise. Our path was set by the travel agency. That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men. The fatso says you're free to go. Really? Why? Why indeed? What does that mean? Nothing. So, should we get our stuff and head down to the planet?

Next up, contestant number 36! (CROWD CHEERING) Contestant 36, everyone! Next up, contestant... (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

within these unscalable walls, that I had the strength to make it on my own. just like all of you kids here today. Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela.

Can I shred these contracts? No! Wow! A power stamper! Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not.

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts?

That's not soon enough.

(GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES)

Cut me some slack, preacher.

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender? That's right. Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one.

Whoa-oa-oa! Ow! Ow! Aah! Ooh! Uh!

1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?!

Bender Rodriguez, you are charged with petty larceny, possession of something analogous to drugs, and assault with a smelly weapon. How do you plead? Not guilty! Although I did do it. That's right, I'm bad.

Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said

You're damn right, and before you ask, this is mine, too. (BARKING) Tough break, Amy. Are you and Kif getting divorced? No. Technically, we were Fon-Fon-Rus, so we weren't really married. Wow, the interesting thing about that is... (SNORING)

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone.

but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protÉge, you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. Oh. This time we are sure she's a woman, right? Yes. Good. Invite her to my quarters. Oh, and have the boy lay out my formal shorts.

(WHISTLING) (ALL WHISTLING) Comet ahoy! Why, it's lit up like a smooth, refreshing Chesterfield.

Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

Now stay tuned for six hours of golf. (GRUNTS)

It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer. Fry, Fry, you're missing the dinosaurs! It's okay. They're not going anywhere. Where'd they go?

You can go back to your precious theme park at sunup. I guess we could do chores for a few hours. Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon. Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise.

Remember, when the tube opens, say "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!" Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way. So, while you're on the probulator, tell me what brings you to the future.

Sincerely, Zoidberg." Oh, isn't that nice he took the time? What's that scribble-di-gook? This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew, who just might be my ticket out of this flophouse, he might.

so if one of you breaks it, you're paying for it! Fry did it!

Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee.

Human horn? But it is forbidden. So is our love. Blech! We have to track down my nose...

exactly 24 hours.

So, I'm sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace.

Oh! My eye! I'm blind!

Go ahead. Ask me anything. Very well. What device invented in the 20th century allowed people to view broadcast programs in their own homes? Oh, I know this. What do you call it? Lite-brite. I believe the answer is the television.

(IN BENDER'S VOICE) Well, I'm off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch.

(GROANING) ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

What's going on here? Uh... Nothing. A pair of deviant robosexuals? Not under my roof. What about on the roof? Get your mind out of the gutter! What about in the gutter?

Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon. Nixon must have bought your body from the pawnshop. Yeah, and that electric guitar. Remember what the dormouse said

MAN: (THROUGH WALL) Prove it, loser!

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary.

resulting in a mild delirium.

(GAGGING) (GRUNTING) Drop the robot! (SNAPPING) I thought I told you, I do the cutting around here. (WESTERN MUSIC)

You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes. (LAUGHS) Genes with a "G"! Ow! Now, that's a pun. Ow! I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells.

(INAUDIBLE) Amazing.

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality. Hey, uh, Bender, what are we doing in this bad neighborhood? Shut up, square!

What do you stupid voters want now? What possible objection could you have to the G.I. Zapp cartoon?

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under! Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle.

You see, Og everything's running smoothly. And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry.

When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones.

It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy!

just let me put on my reading glasses. Why, Zoidberg,

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich!

It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater.

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh. How could you do this, Fry? (STAMMERS) Coma... Sad... I have to go. This is just too freaky! Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you.

Huh? Wretched technology has brought me nothing but misery. But, Bender, you are technology. You're the most advanced thing on this entire island. Oh, it's true. I am a hideous triumph of form and function.

I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back.

Ohh! Now I'm all you got!

Wait. I can use the universal language of dance to signal for help. (VOCALIZING MELODY) Ow! That was my second-favorite ankle. (HORN SOUNDING) Was that a horn? Are those the dogs?

Oh, hell. (ALL GASPING)

I speak, of course, of molten lava...

Leela, about the wedding--

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Bust it

Pss! That's not scary. It is if you're a laser printer. Okay. My turn to tell a ghost story. Once there was this woman driving-- Hook on the hand! Okay, I've got one. This family-- Man in the attic! Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally.

You know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator.

Hang on, Mom. I have another call. (SOBBING)

Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out? We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire. We could use my new invention--

Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

Popplers are no smarter than any other animal I've served and that includes cats. Caca-head. Mean old caca-head. Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh?

(BOTH GROANING) I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans.

Of course they love you!

Now, any old business? No. Any new business? No. Anyone spend the night together? No. No. No. Yep. Kind of. What? Oh, my God. We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another. And it led there again when we got home.

Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine. Great. Now we're being crushed.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler.

What's he so worked up about? He's just upset 'cause our boy's missing. Come on, you overgrown rat! Lead us to Philip.

Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right. (GASPS) They turned into petroleum oil. I thought they were selfish, yet in the end, it turns out it was I who thought they were selfish.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him?

Leela! Leela? Amy? Amy! I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back.

My place is two cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother two-thirds of a person. What if I just help the two of you find a bigger apartment? I don't know. I've got a lot of great memories in my old place. And now they're gone.

Ow! It bit my finger! No! No! It's tasted human blood! Whoo-ha! Mmm! Damn good meat.

Then, once again, my lies have been proven true. (YELLS) We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake. Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!

were dumped on the forbidden world Omega 3, along with that blooper reel where the door doesn't close all the way. Thus, Star Trek was forever scoured from human memory. Another classic science-fiction show canceled before its time. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I've never heard of such a brutal...

(MUZAK PLAYING) (GROANS) That music! That horrible, agonizing music!

My audience deserves better than some crappy, formulaic ending. If I must die, let me die in a blaze of artistic integrity. Well

You know, Zoidberg, it's crazy, but when you talk this way your obvious deficiencies as a male seem... less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date.

Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think. (SIGHS) Very well. This sacramental firewall scans for and removes ghostware in a 20 foot radius. Bring it on, holy man.

I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here. I heard that in one single night you drank a whole keg, streaked across campus and crammed 58 humans into a phone booth.

ALL: Wow. Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But...

Trip into the eggman's mind... Should we turn on the TV? Nah.

Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County.

Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved! Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.

The two of you are... good friends?

I can hit it with a shovel. That's not good enough. This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes. So, what's in the box already? No peeking!

just be back by sundown, mon. We'll see. I like to haggle. You can't stay out on Xmas eve. You'll be killed. Say what? Good Lord! He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

Shut up! I was gonna say that. We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants!

All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about. Smeesh, Leela. This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so.

That's why it was all mined out leaving the planet completely hollow. Yes, but what about the animals? The what? The animals. I didn't say anything about animals. Now, it seems the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally this will kill all the animals.

Then, when they grow too large we flush them down into the sub-sewer. Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there. Please, that's just a sub-urban legend. Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe in... El Chupanibre.

You ready to call it a day, or do you have one more score to settle? The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox,

No. Perhaps you're thinking of my one-man show about Vincent van Spock. I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't.

Duh! I have to draw in pencil, 'cause I don't know how to use rendering software. (BOTH LAUGHING) Stupid Biff! Thinks he's so smart. He looks stronger than you, too.

Hell, no. If I stopped to think ahead I wouldn't be emperor and I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus.

He's walking on sunshine now.

Look on the bright side. My parents left after you passed out, so they didn't even see you barf. Oh, now they'll never think I'm manly enough to date their daughter. It's okay, Kif. I'll go get you a tissue from your tote.

(LAUGHING) (SIGHING) I've been a delivery boy for a thousand years. Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them!

Great work, Bender. You've taught us to hate humans all over again. Are you all right? Oh, yeah.

They're getting married. Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day.

Although, then again, I guess any kind of oil would be just as... Not my fault.

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting! Focus!

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no." Yes. So noted. Do you plead guilty? Double yes. Guilty! I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court!

It worked perfectly!

I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam. Uh, excuse me. I missed a few lectures. Uh, what subject is this? Ancient Egyptian Algebra. What a nightmare! Mr. Fry, are those your underpants?

Conquer Earth, us bastards! Comrades, throw off the chains of human oppression.

Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken. Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day... without the traditional Freedom Tub! Ooh! Oh, baby! Mmm! That'll feel nice on my shattered bones.

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops.

Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog... to toy with my emotions. Ah, what have I done? You didn't do anything. Don't beat yourself up.

What the general means is why did you come to Earth? Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Amazing grace How... (BOTH LAUGHING)

Ladies and gentlemen our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want and--

Okay, dance maniacs. Let's have a big hand for our finalists, cute, little Tonya and mean, old what's-his-name.

We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done.

I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good.

Why do they always treat us like dumb kids? We're practically old enough to find the Fox Network infantile. Yeah, we'll show 'em. All Awesome Express needs... is a sturdy interstellar delivery craft. VoilÀ! You got a quarter?

Leela! Tomorrow's ratings just came in from the future. We're a hit. What? My show is a hit? What are you, deaf? It's gonna be bigger than SpongeBot SquareBolts. I interfere with pacemakers. (LAUGHS) Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar, 'cause that is how you're gonna die.

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock.

If this is a pharmacy calling... (SCREAMING) That's it! I promised myself I wouldn't do this, but... I will destroy you all! I won't stop until your whole planet is as ugly as you perceive me to be!

Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God.

This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack! A cute little heart attack!

If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film.

Oh! Bender, you're cured! But what happened to Fry? I must have killed him.

(CROWD CHEERING) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is truly another honor. Don't get discouraged, there's no shame in being replaced by Robert Wagner.

He wouldn't even remember who you are. (GRUNTS) You sure you want to be a bender, Son? More than anything.

just like at the movie theater. Whoo! Give me that!

Is this the political process?

That's why we need you, our loyal crew, to make Planet Express 800% more profitable. We'll start by slashin' salaries, and this time I mean really slashin'. Uh, guys, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What?

Anything? No. Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee! Bender! What was it like lying in that hole for a thousand years?

And what's more amazing, you expressed it without spewing crumbs at me.

(GASPING) Bender? (LAUGHING EVILLY)

- Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh? Zoidberg? Hurray! I'm useful. I'm having a wonderful time. What happens if the fire goes out?

And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump. ANNOUNCER: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

Oh, look at that. I feel like a princess! Wait, what are you people-- idiots? I'm still going mano a mano with this envelope.

The less fortunate get all the breaks.

Aim for their power lines! They're the devil's veins! And electricity is his blood! Bender, if we don't survive the attack, I want you to know I love you. Okay, fine. Fire!

Ah! You muddled the mint well, Alejandro. The lighthouse! Dead ahead! Aye!

In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy

Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked. Want to play Marco Polo? Sure! - Marco! - Polo! Marco!

You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location. The kind of place where there might be a monster or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples. It could also be something much better. Prepare to enter...

(SHRIEKING) A giant sausage! (ALL GASPING) Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage! Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon! Giant balloon? (SCREECHING)

Curse my natural showmanship! You big, fat fraud! You're not really broken! But you will be in a minute! Bum-rush the stage! Get him!

I'm not looking.

Hey. Lay off me! TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

Say, what's this? Anyone hear something?

Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings!

This here the buffet. Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp! Way up here's the money-counting room.

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Why, Zoidberg, there's a lovely photo of you in here. In this corner, the confused young robot with the golden curls, weighing 525 pounds--

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

I could make a space experiment. I just got a new thing of glitter. I'm not sure science is your thing, seeing how that chimp at the zoo tricked you out of your allowance. Yeah, well, I'll show you and Mr. Bananas. Anyway, I've got nothing better to do while I'm sick in bed. Wait, that's it!

(EXCLAIMS) The water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father. But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex. What's that you say? Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say?

Those robots evolved all by themselves, you say? It wasn't by themselves. I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it! Hey, look. Now they got bigger. FARNSWORTH: Good heavens! Trilobots!

Sorry, toots. No, Clamps. No clamps.

Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

(RINGING DOORBELL) (SOBBING) Mom, Dad, I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my life in this hellhole. I'm sorry. It's okay, sweetie.

(BRAKE SCREECHES) (CRACKLING) (FARNSWORTH EXCLAIMING) (ALL GASP)

Well, hello there, my furry friend. Look at his adorable little feet.

Dibs on the toes. (STRUMS OFF TUNE) So how's it going with the real-world experience? Have you found a railroad man to write a song about? Yep, my good friend Big Something here. Caboose.

Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh. Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

We did it out of love for you, Floyd. Floyd? Who the hell's Floyd? I'm Hubert! You're Hubert? The older brother? (GASPING) But we thought you were still in an institution!

Come along, Cinnamon. Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes-- perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor?

I know you've rejected me a lot before, but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how about a date tonight? Sorry. I think I, uh, I think I left my toaster on.

Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.

tomorrow is today, and today is yesterday.

I want to know what's in it. I have no idea, Leela.

Oh, no. Any sign of Leela or Amy? No, but what do you make of this? I don't know, but it might have something to do with this. Oh, your god!

man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary,

Let's just go alphabetically. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

You know the ones I mean.

Oh, Kif, you're so brave. Shh! They'll hear us!

Oh, I'm blind! Professor, we have no power. What do you mean "no power"? We're living in the future.

The disgusting little men are starting to sing.

Ooh! Yeah! Oh, baby! Oh, no. - How Tonk look? - Tonk look good. Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Let's go already!

Elzar had been seduced by the dark side of cooking-- cilantro, mango salsa,

Y-You sure I won't be imposing? Nah. I've always wanted a pet.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No!

Name? Cosmic Y. Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves? The space walk. Hey!

But I am already in my pajamas.

He's good all right, but he's no Clem johnson.

Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear? Robot daughters? This here's Lulabelle 7...

Ah, my ridiculously circuitous plan is one quarter complete. Well, Fry's opera premieres tomorrow night. I'm off to find a pair of formal gloves... that'll fit over my enormous forearms.

Don't ever, ever say or think that again! Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here.

I have these three costumes you could use. But I guess I'll just throw one away. We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this.

That's it! This date is over! Waiter! - So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn! I'll just start you off with some bread. Some sexy, arousing bread. Fine, but none of that whole-grain goat food. And bring plenty of melted butter.

Global Warming or: None Like It Hot! You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners.

I watched the skies for weeks, with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea.

Yes? Delivery for a Mr. 147573952589676412927? Wait, what was the middle digit? Eight. Oh, yes, that's me. Hang on, let me just make sure you're not a human.

How much you got? Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy. Oh, I'm glad you made it, Guenter because in honor of parents weekend I have a special surprise for you.

Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn. Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life. What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes. How dare you accuse me!

The time has come to end injustice against robot animals.

I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats

Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom! I'll get you, Farnsworth even if it takes another hundred years. And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. Were it not for your 20th-century garbage-making skills we'd all be buried under 20th-century garbage.

Fry, help, let me in. (YAWNING) Bender? What are you doing? It's 3:00 a.m. I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

(ELECTRONIC WARBLING) Sir, I've intercepted an Earth broadcast. Put it up on the Zenith. Oh, God!

Just ask us some damn questions. Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt? Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives. How was your day?

...deliberately robbed her blind by improving his own robot? (CRYING) It's true! He did it! No further questions for this jury. Before I call a recess for mimosas and horse breeding, can the defense produce the bending unit in question? We don't know where the hell he is.

This dumb holiday just makes me think of all the things I left behind. Let's just stop talking about Xmas. Happy Xmas, Xmas people! Xmas cards have arrived. Xmas! Amy, there you go. Fry, Professor, Zoidberg.... A mighty haul for Bender. Yes! I got the most!

It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life. Happy New Year!

Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number. Hey, Reagan, remember when you asked to see my family tree? I asked you to leave me alone. The Farnsworths are a remarkable... Farnsworth? That name is a stain on American history.

Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Good-bye. Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement.

Robot Devil? I get your hands? Zam! Oh, what an appallingly ironic outcome!

Well, we did it. We got all Bender's parts back. Wrong as always, Fry! I'm still missing the shiniest metal piece of all. Your thyroid? No! I'm talking about my ass!

I was just telling him that, Leela. Mom? You know Leela? Nope. Leela, what are you doing in my dream?

but we, like, totally dissed Moose! Yes, I'd like to... meet this Moose.

Filthy, toothless nerd bastard! Damned she-fossil! Stink pig!

That's coming out of your pay. You know the secret of traditional robot cooking?

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

We can't stop a meeting for some cute, fuzzy, little... (GASPS) Hey, look, a kitty cat. (STATIC CRACKLING) You again? (SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines. You leave kitty cat alone! ALL: (EXCLAIMING) Kitty cat.

We use hand puppets around the young'uns to simulate a natural environment. That's adorable. Ow!

Ooh! And therefore, by process of elimination the electron must taste like grape-ade. Sorry. I overslept. Until 5:00 P.M.? It's that obnoxious monkey. He kept me up all night with his constant thinking. just thinking and thinking.

Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm a genius. Ow! Ow! Dr. Zoidberg, why is everyone acting so weird? Zoidbee want balloon. Want balloon now! Zoidbee want go outside! Ah, I just let you back in!

Greetings, my friends! It shan't take long to strip down your clunker. There's nothing wrong with our clunker. Really? Because we can smelt out the deadly, deadly chromium to make rat poison and artificial sweeteners. No, thanks. We're delivering e-waste. Pity. We're halfway done.

Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure. Done. And a big research grant. You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done. What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers.

Ooh. Out of aerosol. Also ironic.

You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender? Off "catastrophizing" some other planet? Huh? Damn it, Fry! He may have done wrong, but he's still your captain. I'm worried about him. He didn't come back with the group. He didn't? No, and with windchill it's 20 degrees below absolute zero.

Grunka lunka dunkity dasis The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis

Bender, they had a backwards time machine! The other place had a lot of good things, too! Did you even see that mountain of skulls?

Look, just give back our property, and we'll drop the charges.

Oh, it just got real. So real I don't believe it. ...two... Oh, man, I can't afford no Medicare copayments!

Ah, it's good to hear his voice. Many said I was too extreme when I first called

(GRUNTS) Fry, there's nothing to be jealous of. I've been sitting here paying my bills online. (BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar! You'll have to kill me for it! (EXCLAIMING)

Who wants lobster bisque?

(MUSIC CONTINUES) Ow! Ow! Bender. (CACKLING) (GASPS) (BENDER LAUGHING)

They're explaining that right now. (SIGHS) Let's rewind again. NARRATOR: ...most acclaimed actor of his generation.

The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out!

Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened.

(GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad! (CRYING) Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday.

A dog collar for me? You shouldn't have!

Behold! A time-traveling machine! (BOTH GASP) Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother.

It is possible for the Philip Fry to resume his life... on December 31, 1999. Really? I can go back in time?

Tell them I'm in the tub. To my left, you'll recognize Gary Gygax inventor of Dungeons and Dragons. Greetings. It's A... Pleasure to meet you. And our summer intern, Deep Blue the world's foremost chess-playing computer. Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue.

Throw her in the brig. We don't have a brig. Then throw her in the laundry room which will hereafter be referred to as the brig. You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek?

Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas. Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

Yeah okay, smarty, go to A party girls are scantily clad and showin' body A chick walks by-- What's going on in here? Oh. Now I'm really outraged. Where did you requisition this party? And, Zoidberg, what are you doing here?

Onto the Internet you go. Oh, and while you're there, pick me up a few credit card numbers. No way. Kirk could kick Picard's ass.

It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. Jackhammer, vegetable peeler, pipe-bending jig. A machine that can bend? No way.

Warships dismissed!

Do you have any that aren't so tight around the thorax?

Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with-- What the...? Oh, now I see.

Whoo-hoo! Yaah... Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

So when I finally ran away, I vowed never to speak to them again!

Who are you talking to, sir? You.

Bender, Leela... don't leave me. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, buddy, what year is this? Uh... 3000. 3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! Life is wonderful! Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced.

You need some arm candy. It's the perfect accessory for out-of-shape middle-aged creeps like you. Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry.

Oh, good! A physical! Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

Okay, let's put an end to this pathetic hoedown. Brannigan, read the thing. And the winner is-- It figures. Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing--

It's how we met? And then what happened?

Where have you been? What? It's 2:00 in the afternoon.

We sold enough of those calendars since yesterday! (CHEERING) Thank God most of our fans are huge perverts.

No matter what you decide to do with your life I'm still proud of you. I've already decided. Dad... when I grow up, I want to be just like you. Oh, don't worry, son. You will.

Good news, everyone! Well? What is it? What is what? Oh, right! Ladies and gentlemen.

We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in. You flatter me, kind goon but I'm only programmed to sell oil-ade and write in cute backwards letters like on the sign here. Aw, crap. The cops. Seen any suspicious activity? Nope, but check out today's "Marmaduke."

I heard you from my room. What's wrong? Nothing. It's just... No, Leela. I don't want to see tears in your perfect eye. Please. Is it about the fate of our people?

You've got the wrong Santa, and I'll prove it. I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus.

Remember, don't show any reaction to his appearance. (LEELA CRIES OUT) I hope that's vanishing cream, 'cause that needs to go away.

Man, this is all Fry's fault. Fry? I hate that guy. We once traded hands. They still stink of candy corn. Get this. That jerk said human life was more valuable than robot life. What? After all you've done for him? Fry must die!

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one. Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.

Come on, girdle. Hold.

(SNORING) Kill all penguins... Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies! Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate!

(ANNOUNCER READING) Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot. Hey, he looks like me! ANNOUNCER: His hideous appearance is a by-product of his hardware gearing up for an important mission, reproduction. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! ANNOUNCER: Since factories can't manufacture enough robots

And all you had to put up with was one really annoying Star Trek fan.

Stop, this is cruel and inhumane. Well, now, in all my years as a hunt master, I've never seen anything like this. I mean, look at that sign. It's magnificent. Oh! Thank you.

Do I ask her to mate now? Third date. So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender. I'd like to propose a toast to... Coat check #84. Turn it over. Oh. Edna,

Rodriguez. These two brothers bailed your ass out. Oh! Thank God. Tell me, have things changed on the outside? Is food finally in pill form? What about pills? Are they in food form?

What goes down must back up. (SEWAGE BUBBLING) (VEHICLES HONKING) Yucks. I picked the wrong day to wear my new Crocses.

(SCATTING) I'm a robot, too! Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft! But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed.

He's walking on sunshine now. This makes me the oldest member of my family. Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm.

Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look.

(SNIFFLES) My soul mate is gone. Why should I go on living? Because the pain slowly fades, but the love is forever. Yow!

(SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away. No, there! Who are you? Bender sent me. (NOISY MUSIC AND CHATTER) Hey, I know that guy.

Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn't you, sir? She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right. No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird.

That's three dead. Let's pick up the pace, people. At this point in the actual war, the death toll was 98 million. (CHUCKLES) You humans and your fragile organs. One little stab to the goo, and... (IMITATES SQUIRTING) (EXCLAIMS) (BEEPS) You're dead, Earth man.

I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

That Guy! Dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun--

I volunteer for a suicide mission! Aw... cut it out! You're a brave robot, son, but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission. Which reminds me...

You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell! No!

It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right.

True. But at least I don't have the hiccups anymore. What up? Oh, well, it so happens I'm in the mood... to make a deal with you. - Forget it. You can't tempt me. - Really? - There's nothing you want? - Hmm. I forgot you could tempt me with things I want. Well, I suppose I've always wondered what it would be like...

(GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer.

What? It was? Hooray!

I'm really nervous. Robot House! What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special I think we learned who the real animal was today. You mean peer pressure?

(YAWNS) Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand.

There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court--

Five hours of community service cleaning up that ol' mess you caused. Five hours? Aw, man. Couldn't you have just gotten me the death penalty? I'd have done better, but it's plumb hard pleading a case... while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Yeah, good luck with that.

Yeah, remember who your real friends are. I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name! He was the greatest of all.

I'm not imaginary. I'm parallel.

We don't need a war of the worlds. That's it! We need a war of the worlds! I'll call Orson Welles.

Fry, I don't need a diamond. You've given me the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen, all the colors of the spectrum. Not beautiful enough. A swell gal like you deserves better.

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it.

ZAPP: Rounds for everybody!

Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical. Nope, straight line. Ah! the probulator's done. Oh, that wasn't so bad. Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. Okay, it's about to start.

by a fantastical creature from outer space! Bunk! Oh! If your elitist East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes? We did find it. It's called Homo erectus. Then you have proven my case, sir,

Oh, Professor. Some special old people are here for you. Are they my zombies from Hammacher Schlemmer? (GASPS) Mama? Daddy? Son! Hey, kiddo!

the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts. I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical.

Leela's going nuts, and I can't save her... unless I learn more about her mysterious past. Isn't there anything else you can tell me? Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time. That's impossible, because my time is worthless. Oh. Well, then there is one thing.

To the ends of the universe. Ten hundred percent. That's not nearly loyal enough. I order you to sit around and drink beer until you're as loyal as Kiff here. Yes, sir, sir. Um, may I have a beer, sir? No, you're loyal enough already. Meanwhile, I have a plan.

How is this possible?

But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed. Scuffed kippers, anyone? Right kind of you, mum.

Come on, come on, fall. - Fall, damn it, fall! - (DOOR OPENS) Well? What did you get on Travers? Is he a draft dodger? Sex offender? Sex dodger? Nada. He's clean. I'm sorry, but there's not one unusual thing about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers. Wait, wait. His middle name is Zaxxar?

(GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed.

Oh! You'll never catch anything with that primitive technology. What you need is this fish pheromone-- the most potent aphrodisiac known to fishkind. Uh, oh.

Shalom free food. No shellfish! That is so unfair. Tell me about it.

Oh! How can you be so sure them aliens ain't already among us? I'll tell you how! Because you are one! (ALL GASP)

What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

Give several reasons why. For one, superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones.

Uh, we'll find out after these subliminal messages. So you lost the atom, huh? You're garbage, human garbage! Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth? 100,000? 200,000?

See that waitress there? Yowzah! I know what I want for dessert. That's my fiancÉe, Mildred. Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee.

(MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I... (DOORBELL RINGS) Quit goofing off. You may be asleep, but you're not on break. This crisis has reached the highest level.

All eyes on Zoidberg! Ew!

In your face! Victory is mine!

But the trip is far too long. It's only 100 feet! At my age, it might as well be 200 feet. I'd never make it! Come on, you can make it! You can do it! Well, let me think it over. Let's go already!

You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse. I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him. Are you crazy? There's mutants down there. They'll eat you alive. They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants.

Schedule conflict. There. Fixed forever.

Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?

Dr. Zoidberg is my friend and though a woman has come between us I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason. You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

I'll save us! Yah! Oh, that feels good. Yep. Whew! Thanks, Bender.

Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon? What does piano wire count as?

On the fourth day of Xmas, I stole from that lady Four family photos Three jars of pennies Two former husbands And a slipper on a shoe tree Yep!

That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too.

What's going on? Why do I look like a stupid cartoon character? I feel like I lost weight. All of it. Remarkable! It seems that colliding at relativistic speed has collapsed us down into two dimensions.

We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you. I'll go get some more bricks.

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed.

Bender, you better cover your ears.

Man, I don't wanna hurt Bender's feelings, but this food actually tastes better as vomit. It's unbearable. How much do you think it would cost to get my tongue removed?

What's our depth, Captain? Forty kilometers, 50. There must be petroleum oil down here somewhere. Go deeper. Deeper! No, Bender. The ship can't withstand this much pressure. Sometimes it falls apart just sitting in the hangar.

Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye.

Bad news, everyone. The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes and Scruffy. Nice try, buddy. We're not buying it this time.

I mean, yeah, i-i work here all right. Here. Move this rust bucket out behind St. Koch's Cathedral. Did you drive much in the 20th century, Fry?

Now you stay away from those Puffin twins.

Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS)

building up their flapping muscles, but also making them irresistibly attracted to Fry.

Bender, while you still have your giant brain, please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist.

Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts?

Michelle, I don't regret this but I both rue and lament it.

Hey, want to go skinny dipping by the light of the fireflies? Leela! Somebody might see Wingus and the Ping Pong boys! No, it's just the two of us. Come on! (WATER SPLASHING)

(WIND BLOWING) Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy.

He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates. He's been working so hard, we barely even see him. It's strange, that. There's nothing strange about it. He's just out of sight around this corner, exterminating mice.

Now with the horror hair. (ALL SCREAMING) (CHOIR MUSIC)

Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.

We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal. What? Did you just say-- If you don't like the stations, you could just play with my buttons... till you find something we both enjoy.

Welcome, fans! I'm Randy, coordinator of this Tap-Dance-A-Palooza. Whoo-hoo! Randy! After weeks of searching, I'm proud to introduce the five people willing to participate. Tonya, Bender, Greg,

The mother ship is destroyed.

It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm. You doing all right over there, Leela? Oh, yeah. This salad's fantastic. So fresh.

And look at this intricately carved disk. It merits years of study. But how can we move such a fragile, precious... (SCREAMING) Ancient history coming through! No, no, no, no, no!

Boo! Boo! This kid sucks! We want Bender! Boo! Well, I thought he was good, but the audience seems to have turned on him. But I don't think-- Next!

(BOTH GRUNTING) I'm gonna clamp your... - (YELLS) - Oh, yeah. Ow, ow, ow. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest! That offer was for a limited time only.

Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm?

Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him.

Oh, mighty Mayor, we're here about Turanga Leela. You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding... Wait. You knowingly attempted to harbor a mutant? We did harbor a mutant!

Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here. Ah, very nice. Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb... of our great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. Impressive. Who's building it? You. Say again?

The owner of the company pressured me to create a bigger, sportier robot. Stop! Ow! Oh! It wasn't easy, but by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

I shall drink the actual poison and actually die. But, Calculon, you can't kill yourself. I'm a celebrity. I can kill anyone I want.

Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed? That's the last straw. You boys have been underfoot long enough. You jerked the words right outta my mouth. We're their fathers, and it's high times we acted like it. Ooh-hoo-hoo! Here comes violence!

(BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING) That was it! Did you hear it? No. What are you talking about? Hear what? Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes. Extra notes?

I recognize this. It's the 1960s! I did a report on it for my drug-taking class. Hi, I'm Andy Warhol, and you're some kind of marvelous lobster-man. Right on. Say, you got any real soup, or just this schlock? What a horrid bore.

You seem to be forgetting one simple fact. Namely, I'm up here, and they are safely down--

Philip J. Fry, astronaut, philanthropist, entrepreneur, was a great man truly worthy of narration. Fry was the first man on Mars, a feat that has never since been equaled. That should've been me!

The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked! Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction! I was referring to Adam and Eve.

Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Uh, sure. Okay. What do you take with that? Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the basement; pans are in the attic. Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization. Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela.

Uh, Khan? Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise.

Blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

So what do people do for fun here? Do you enjoy partying all night, with plenty of ale and lusty women? I sure do! Not us. We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum.

Hey there, slick, I'm here about the job. Take a seat. We'll begin the interviews shortly. We'll start with Andrew. (GASPS) Yeah, they all kind of broke. So, when do I start? Everyone, this is Francis.

This wangs chung.

Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone. I swear on my honor as a paparazzo.

I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate.

Bender, lift it up to the can opener. Oh, no! I'm not going near it. Last time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut my head off. Oh, right. Plus, the magnet... screws up your inhibition unit and makes you sing folk songs. What? Who said anything about me secretly wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous!

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients. Mr. Fry, do you recognize the robot a-huggin' on you in this here hologram?

What? What is funny? Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!

Catastrophe Beach Party. Scene One. Cue disaster effects, and action! (RUMBLING) (ALL SCREAMING)

Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves. Good one, Chet. Oh, yeah? Watch this!

Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with X-ray glasses, would you? Easy on the arm! Oh, my ass! Oh! Ow!

That's a ridiculous urban myth. Oh, don't be so sure.

You look different. Did you get a haircut? No! I sold my body. Sold your body?!

Oh, so now I'm your last-resort booty call, huh? Okay, let's go.

Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust.

Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area.

There, finished. Man, I'm good at this, eh, flame-o? Yo, flame-o! (GASPING) (ALL SNORING) (ALARM BLARING) (ALL EXCLAIMING)

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Well, I best mosey on down to the landing. Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail. You folks watch your genitals now. Come on, boy. Giddyup. And that's that.

Whew! Everyone okay? No one considering lawsuit? Mmm. I might have mental anguish.

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out.

They just won't stop!

LEELA: Move it along!

Two robots enter. One robot leaves. Then, later, the other robot leaves after being declared the winner. That doesn't sound so bad. Oh, did I mention the crippling, agonizing pain? I'm pretty sure I did. Oh, ah, yes, definitely.

Wait. This is what we're running from.

A common... A common cold? No, no!

I find your slack-jawed stare very attractive-- Philip J. Fry.

Nobody said that. (SCREAMS) The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z. Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that?

MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain!

We're going to the local farmers market. Ah, Mom, do we have to?

Then, for no reason, he left Earth forever. The end. There! Now he's trapped in a book I wrote-- a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors. The big brain am winning again! I am the "greetest"!

All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box. Now it's my turn maybe? The box says, "No."

Five! Four. Three. Two. One!

Then let's go out and stop them. Are you mad? Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later,

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

So we kept him on the farm as long as we could. GRAM-GRAM: (SNIFFLES) But one night, he ran away, taking nothing but the clothes on his back. (WHOOPING) Whoa!

God, what a wuss. Stop being such a spineless jellyfish. You know full well I am more closely related to the sea cucumber. Not where it counts. (GROANS)

What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills!

But how is this possible? Who knows? Oh, I do. Allow me to explain what really happened the day the ship crashed. I'll protect you, Leela.

Thanks. I appreciate that. Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

What up? Stick to the oath. Right. I, Fry, who drank Bont the Viscous who drank Ungo the Moist

(GASPS) We were going out? (WHOOPS) I mean, no! And keep your stupid chicken hat, too! (SOBBING)

What?! I said... we'll go to the jungle and let Guenter decide once and for all. What?!

(ALL FISH CLAMORING)

Hey, Leela, look at me! Your face can take a lot of punishment. That's good to know.

Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves.

Sorry I'm late. I was off at a study session with Chrissy.

Where'd you get those ears? I've always had ears. No, you haven't. All right, fine, you got me. I can't keep track of every little detail.

Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know. Husband, no!

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do.

Go deeper. Deeper!

Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship? Indeed. Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother? Hey, yeah! I mean, what about that, Kif?

Hey! Let's see what it says about me. Welcome aboard, sir.

Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever. (SOBBING)

(GAS LEAKING) Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

And these dry, stringy night crawlers-- Though juicy... very, very juicy... I don't believe this! It's eating my bait! Beat it, you mooching crawdad! Woo, WOO, WOO, WOO, woo!

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Now take your kid and hit the soup line! (LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister!

Now, step one: You want to boil some oysters in a pot of down-home, Neptune-style gumbo. Boiled? Interesting! Bender, please try to be a little quieter. No, you shut up.

Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad!

I got it! I got it!

We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists.

Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

What's that enscribbled on it? "My dear Mrs. Astor. "My love for you is as unsinkable as this land ship "and as brilliant as this stone. "Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw.

Oh, my goodness. Hang on! I need to do some calculations! The decimal goes... carry the seven... got it!

Oh, really? Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home! (BOOING) That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir! As a professor of science,

Is any of this getting through to you? I give up. You're going to get yourself killed and this time I won't be able to save you. Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper.

Good news, everyone.

I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day. Hmm? You're going to be the ship's cook? Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste.

Guess what? Hell is real.

If it takes forever

Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth. And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers!

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now. Then I am the most important person in the universe.

He's even garnished the salad with $100 bills.

Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just-- I don't know how this was supposed to work. Professor, I hope you find out what's wrong before we skip right past my birth-- Happy birthday, Amy!

I'm a trophy girlfriend! No kidding! These gifts have been coming nonstop. I think Calculon's falling for you. Ah! Any day now he'll dump me for a new wad of arm candy. And then I can turn back into a guy and hock all this stuff. It's just a game.

Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry? You and I are enemies now. Hear my words.

But... We love it here, Miss Leela. This is the funnest planet in the whole world. Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No!

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry.

Well, now, don't you tell me to smile

We'd treat people like swine and make 'em stand in line Even if nobody paid us They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats They say we're anal, compulsive and weird But when push comes to shove, you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. Zoidberg! They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon

Get that hippie out of the ring! And in these two corners, weighing 400 tons,

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender!

I have a devious plan. Oh, great. Captain Moron has a plan. Why don't you tell it to Wingus and Dingus here. Wingus, Dingus, listen up. We're going to give the aliens the old switcheroo.

It's only been 23 minutes, you dumb cannoli. You got a problem?

So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off? Hey.

Nah, I'm joshin' ya. That was quite annoying. You call yourself divorced? You're makin' a mockery of one of our oldest institutions!

Grunka lunka dunkity doo

You're asking me, the renowned spokesman for Paul Masson wine, to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile?

Either way, it'll cost $500. Five hundred real dollars? That's an outrage! Professor, I'll take care of that waste for $499 and 100 cents. Hmm. I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience. Do you take credit cards? Let's find out.

Look, the bone vampire! (MOANS) Mr. Peppy attacked me. Quick, count my bones. There should be 205. Okay, that's better.

Hey, the TV's getting away! And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week." In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent.

Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back. Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood.

Hush little brewski don't you leak Daddy wants to drink for at least a week Oh, my God! I think it's time!

(WOMEN AGREEING) Practically no one. All in favor of me? (MEN CHEERING) Eight to eight. It's a tie. We can't trust a woman's math. Count again. (ARGUING)

Better than these gnats. That guy won't be going home to his kids. Whuzzat? A wolf?

That's not a bad idea, Fry. Yeah, what?

No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake. (BELCHES) Listen, Zoidberg, I owe you an apology. No, no, no. Go ahead. I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor, but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I'm sorry.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die! How much time does he have left, Professor? Between a minute and a billion years. Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality?

Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens. My God! Four identical castles. Each more identical than the last.

Geez. What does it take to kill me? Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured!

I wish I could, but he's got tenure. Eww!

We call him Pickles. On account of it's like he's floating in a jar? Exactly. The Oracle's visions are recorded on these colored balls. Green is larceny. Black is fraud. Red, homicide. What's pink polka-dots? Clown slaughter.

Uh, Nibbler, could you scooch the seat up just a little bit?

Okay, now you can panic.

So I gave the cookies you made to Fawn and the kids, and they couldn't believe it! They were delicious! But I digress. Tremble, puny earthlings! One day my race will destroy you all.

Up next, daring daylight robbery at a municipal swimming pool.

Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me. Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. What do you say we all party one last time for him?

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--" My God. It can't be. The murderer. It was...

Wife, Son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING)

I must really be... in hell!

How industrious. Do you mind if we sleep with you? I have no opinion.

Right then. Let's go play some quoits, whatever that is.

Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

No, I want to live. Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man.

Look, Yancy, it's your baby brother Philip. I wanna be named Philip! Me Philip! Me Philip! Son, your name is Yancy,

The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas.

Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

all right we'll pass out on the couch all right tonight Yo, check out what I jacked from my dad. A cigar! Ripping. Look. I'm Bender!

Ooh! Oh! Aw. She likes you! Ooh! Ooh! Saddle up, men. Oh! We got some no-good rustlers to-- ooh!-- Catch.

it's almost sickening.

Aww, she's so cute! You adorable, wittle, itty-bitty, fuzzy-wuzzy-- Leela, stop bonding and let's go! I got jelly in my underpants! I'm taking this bee with us. With a queen we can build a hive and make more honey ourselves.

Now I can shut down her brain by deactivating the carbonated logic matrix. Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no. Blecch!

Ow! What was that for?! Hey, come on! That hurt! I know.

"You there," for his decades of service I leave a pittance to be paid in 20 equal installments of 1/20th of a pittance each.

This is uncomfortable and humiliating. Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...

"Fertile?" What does that mean? It means it will hatch into a tiny, little, infant creature unless we cook it first.

I've got one single nail, and another nail to nail it in with. And I'm gonna stop this infernal ice cream machine once and for all! (SCREAMS)

Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

It's my invention. We do it my way. Now all we need is something to pull it and we're set. Hee-yah! Ow! Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk County. I'm ready to seduce. I'm wearing my kissing dentures and my evening truss.

The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! (EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data.

This one is for the E. coli. Ow! - And this one's for the leprechaunorrhea. - Hiddly-dee! I don't care how many diseases Fry has. It was worth it.

it's toe-tappingly tragic.

Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye. Whee! This dream brought to you by Lightspeed Briefs. Bender, Leela...

NARRATOR: The battle will rage for hours, until both males are exhausted or dead.

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you?

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting.

Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son!

Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no. Oh, my. There's a frog on a bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea.

Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING)

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me.

It's all-you-can-eat, so just pick off whatever looks good. Ew! Gross! I'm gonna use the tongs.

(CROWD SCREAMING) Oh, no. It's heading right for those two nerds!

Lrrr? (CHUCKLES) Look, we only had one date. I barely mated with her. Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless--

a bone vampire. (THUNDER CLAPS) No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all.

Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have, as long as they interlock with yours. Ah, marriage.

Everyone, listen! Damn!

Wait. What's the catch? No catch.

And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever? That's the dumbest question I ever heard.

Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you.

I died doing what I loved.

the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now. Kill Flexo! Ow!

Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

I'm Fry with a P-H. Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

Our peace ring has 'em trapped like a tiger in a washing machine.

Well, this is it. Home, stream home. No, it isn't! I was born in the next stream up. You're from Next Stream Up? So am I! I can tell by the magnets in my head, or whatever.

Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes.

It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't give everybody guns. What if one of us is the creature?

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back. Ahh! Oh. So, how's the old corpse?

Oh, Nibbler. At least I'm important to you, even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance. Did-Did you just talk?

Oh! Huh? Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Guess I'll go back to the railroad camp now. That's weird, he sounded a lot like Bender's folk song. Not a lot like Bender's folk song, exactly like, et cetera, et cetera. His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

Quiet. The beast approaches.

Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete. Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too. Perfect. This ought to make me stand out.

That name again is Ramblin' Rodriguez. (ALL BOOING)

Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you! Goodbye! It was fun maturing with you, but at this point in my life cycle, I need a mate who's within squirting distance.

Yes, now you can hear holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry...

Yep. So long, suckers. Uh... hello, suckers. Hey, hold on a second. I forgot to deliver the package. Whoa!

Hand over your wallet!

You heard me. It was a year of soaring profits... and significant one-time losses. Psst! Watching myself work is making me hungry. Help me find some food somewhere. I'll not only help you find it, I'll help you do more to it.

(ALL GASP) (EXCLAIMS) Oh, God, her name wasn't Eunice, it was Unit! Unit 47! My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss,

That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?

Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not.

I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen.

You see, Og everything's running smoothly. And with Fry fired I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces. Forget about Fry. You could hire us back and he'd never have to know.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English?

Sorry, guys, I'm gonna have to confiscate your keg. It's my body. Oh, come on, Bender! Can you at least wait till it's empty? Fair enough. Fry, beer me. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty!

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop--

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION)

then the large women, then the petite women,

I've not heard of them.

it's almost sickening. We're free to choose which hand... our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in. And if we don't want to pay our taxes, why,

Earlier today, a foul-mouthed bandit robbed the municipal pool,

Sorry, you know too much. (CHUCKLES) Seems like a good place to ditch some evidence. Flexo? What are you doing in a hazardous-waste bin? Haven't you heard? Us bending units are dangerously outdated.

That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky! Detonation in three, two, one.

This is the Brooklyn-bound "B" train, making local stops at wherever the hell I feel like. Watch for the closing doors.

Hey, mon. Nice to meet you-- Come out with your hands up! hostages! Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages?

People, please. Let's not overreact... Death to the crab! How bad is it, Doctor? Super bad. It's Tritonian hyper-malaria. A lot of these men will be dead within 24 hours.

Ooh! What's got into him?

I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over. Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender?

Wow! That guy must be, like, the world's greatest bender! My dreams of glory died before they began. Welcome to my life!

(BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding. Liftoff! I'll roger that.

Maybe I am, LL Fool J. So what's your project? The effects of losing on idiots? No, I'm gonna infect my guinea pig with the common cold and launch it into space to see if it gets cured by cosmic rays. (LAUGHING BREATHILY) Lame, though the common cold virus does seem like a judge-pleaser.

I want to enlist. My friends always die if I'm not there to save them. Sorry, but the army's instituted a men-only policy.

No need to thank us. Your shocked stares of gratitude say it all. Dear God, you brought back the bone vampire? The damned things wreaked bloody havoc on our livestock for centuries. Aye, until MacZongo here shot 'em all into extinction, he did. Now we've got more livestock than we can slaughter.

Sorry, I'm super-allergic to cats. Professor Katz, would you mind... Miss Wong, I mind everything. You just need to polarize the Earth's core with a huge static charge by ratcheting superconducting wire down into... (SNEEZES) Sorry.

Give me your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink.

Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

Do you enjoy partying all night, with plenty of ale and lusty women? I sure do! Not us. We spend our leisure time in the mathematics museum. Planet Vinci is basically a single colossal university. How's your football team? Learned.

Don't sweat it, man. (SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again.

I reckon my boy will be right pleased when I regurgitate that into his mouth. Looming ahead, nature's waterfall, the cliff of the waters. Ah. It sure is relaxing getting swept along by this current. Oh, my!

Come on, Guenter, take the hat. No, the banana, the banana. Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound?

Fine, Mr. Know-it-all- about-something-finally. - You tell a story. - With pleasure. Once, not far from here, four people set out on a cattle drive. Robot gets bored and kills Fry with a hammer! Sorry, go on. And then, while they sat helplessly around the campfire,

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins.

This solar system is, like, way old! Look how high the asteroid belt is pulled up on that planet! News flash! Everything's getting older the closer we get to that ancient, burnt-out sun! Dude, the Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself!

Good hustle, soldier. Oh!

I think not. As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space. I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor!

Good news, everyone!

As a friend. Damn. Listen to me, Leela.

Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops. Sorry to kill und run, but I really must be Goring. (ALL LAUGH) Ah!

You think you're so hot! Wha...?! The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp. They're just responding to my personality. Uh, Leela, Armando and I are going to the backseat of his car for coffee.

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

How does a robot join this monk outfit? Just put on this monk outfit.

There's a baby in there, huh?

That's horrible! Is it? Now the world's starving masses have a cheap, abundant source of nutrition. But not too cheap. I'll take the cash, and you can have the credit. I don't want the credit! Genetic engineering is wrong! Oh, really? Tell that to your old friend, the giant.

Would you like cream? Yes, please. Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

Keep that thing away from me.

I must speak with you. (GRUNTS) I'm looking for the scoundrel who made this. Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts.

(WOMEN GROANING)

No, no, no. Not in any sense of the word. But essentially, yes, entirely.

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here! Are you crazy? This place is great. Electroshock whenever you want it. Two Lincolns for every Napoleon. Ahhh!

Outlaw Slurm?! Uh, don't pay any attention to him, sir. Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

Wipe my tiny metal ass!

That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about. I can't cut it off. You're not a robot or a man, so you wouldn't understand.

What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) (BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys.

I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this.

I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back. Very well. I'll clean up Kif's mess.

This is a stickup! Ahhh! Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex. Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal. Hey, you! Red! Quit waterin' that plant and get the door!

Oh, yeah! Good lord! I'm getting a reading of over 40 mega-fonzies! Everybody out!

Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go? Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk.

Ah, now there's something we can all enjoy.

Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

Of course they're unheeded. How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? They talk of war against the faithful. I beseech thee. Rise up against them. Smite someone who deserves it for once. Malachi, every time I interfere, I only make things worse. You're best off solving your own problems.

No! I can't stand to look! Crack him open! Kill him! Psst! Fry, take a dive!

Here, let me locate it for you. How about-- No, no, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here. Hmm. Hmm. What is it? Oh, jeez, oh, man!

Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me, or was I too quick for it? Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh... really thrilled to meet you. You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly. A potent combination. You don't mean that. But I do.

(GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose. I am Brrr, devourer of fish and honey! (GASPING) I'm coming, darling!

No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy! We're willing to listen to your demands.

That's what I call a successful mission. We're heroes!

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill.

Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison... instead of me on account of mistaken identity.

Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey. Hmm...

Now, uh, what is it you want? We demand...

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock. If you had kids of your own, you'd understand!

Does anyone recognize those call letters? Nope. It's not in the Janeway's guide, either. Deciphering that ID code is critical. I'll be in the chamber of understanding. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror. Uh, Professor... off you go. Pleasant trip.

Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out.

Hmm? Mmm. Mmm! - Mmm. - Mmm.

All right, baby! Fiesta ha ha me MinD on fire me soul on fire feelin' hot, hot, hot Yeah, baby! Yeah! Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing.

And here it is. Eww. That is so gross. Yeah. I'll stick with this one, thank you. Yeah.

We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God!

Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray? No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

Change places! Bender, I can't take much more of this. I want outta here!

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas.

Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted. In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was!

Save us, Leela! I mean, if you don't have anything better to do. We're out of options. We have to steal the Gemerald. But should superheroes commit a crime, even to save lives? I need moral guidance. Bender?

I'm getting an idea. No. False alarm. No, yeah, no, yeah, no. Wait. No, yeah, yeah. No. No. Yes!

If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him.

You can come out. Don't be scared.

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel!

No! Nibbler. Psst. Professor, I need another bikini. Huh? Wha-- Oh, okay. I think there's one can left.

A land I didn't make up Oh, yeah. Come on, baby! Oh, goodness! Oh, yeah, baby. Come on! Work your cans. Now shake it out.

I never stop to think about it. Leave Fry alone. His intelligence is just a little differenty. You a big dummy! Hey, I'm beginning to think you guys don't think I'm very smart. You can barely remember your own name, Einstein. Einstein is a hard name to remember. Ow!

Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it!

Hey. What smells like blue? Fry, get up here! It's starting!

(SCATTING) (BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting!

Oy! We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute.

Yes! Perfect! You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right?

What in hell happened to Bender? Well, he didn't check out. The ashtray's still here. Look, Nibbler's caught the scent of vodka and motor oil. Go, boy. Follow that stench.

Aw, Bender, didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?

There can be no question! But, Professor... There can be no question!

Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling. Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh...

But that don't impress the robot devil, no, sir. No, sir! 'Cause if you're a sinner he's going to plug his infernal modem in the wall belching smoke and flame, and he's going to download you straight to robot hell. Straight to hell!

Would you censor the Venus de Venus... just because you can see her spewers? It's filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we're at it? Why not indeed! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering, or I'm gonna come back there and change your opinions manually. Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating controversial artworks.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0.

Even older! Huzzah! I'm sorry you had to give up being a kid, Leela. Well, I guess every adult wants to be a kid again sometimes. But I worked hard to be the person I am. The fabulous person. With friends like you guys.

Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks! In a thousand years, I'll get right on it. And so, a thousand years later,

Three, two, one, zero. Mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop yeah, yeah mmmbop ba-duba-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop ba-du-bop, ba-du-dop

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

All right, diamond, you won those rounds, but I've got an ace up my hole.

(YELLING) What's going on? How did we save you? It was the weirdest thing.

Bender, I found your trigger finger. Now I can. But I won't. Not with so many witnesses. You're a true gentleman. Unlike me. (BOTH GASP)

No! Shoot her! She's the human! But how do I know who's the human and who's the robot? We just told you! Yeah, you idiot! Okay. Fine. If you're going to be like that, I'm not shooting anyone. (GROANS) Right between the lungs. Man, that was close. (SCREAMS)

Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time.

You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You all still have Zoidberg!

Aha, Leela, we meet again. But this time, I'm the one criticizing the sausage. (RUMBLING) (GASPING) (SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING)

(BOTH GASP) AMY: They actually built the planetary ratchet from my thesis! (ALL GRUNTING) (SNEEZES) Uh-oh! - What the... - (GASPS)

Damn the expense! My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror. Phew. For, you see, you are a were-car. A were-car?

You're full of crap, Fry. You make a persuasive argument, Fry.

No time for an injection.

There. One million papers folded and loaded. Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster.

Will you push me?

You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.

This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style. Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer. Hang on. All My Circuits is about to start. I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries.

Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy!

"Here lies Philip J. Fry, "named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt!

I'm not letting my best friend get recycled-- Not for five cents, not for 500 cents.

I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet. Aw, relax, buddy. You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone.

Ah! She's built like a steak house, but she handles like a bistro. She's out of control! You win again, gravity.

Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah!

31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself.

Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us. I can't see what's happening.

A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass. Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm going to be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you. MacZongo. Angus MacZongo. Major Angus MacZongo. Handsome Major Angus MacZongo, Esquire.

Cloning is wrong. It's wrong, I say! Oh, I just hope that mysterious dragon ghost doesn't show up at the lab again.

to recreate my brilliant 1938 radio broadcast merely to deceive and impress the wife of this skinny reptile? Sorry. Never mind. I'll do it for free.

That was a hell of a massage. Maybe the best that ever was.

Okay, Beelzy, Fry's dead. A ghost! Oh, it's you. A deal's a deal, so give me my body back. Fry's dead, you say? Funny, that's not what it says on his Wikipedia page.

Oh, poor baby. Chipped a fang. Hey, I got a busted ass here! I don't see anyone kissing it!

These candies are chalky and unpleasant!

Now, to take a D.N.A. sample. Ooh!

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go?

Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Yeah. Where can we find food here in the woods? How about that kabuki theater? Like, where there's a kabuki theater, there's a concession stand. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial. Prosecutor? Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering. Donbot? Motion denied. Prosecutor, call your first witness.

You know, I'm also an ultimate robot lover. Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us."

He can't hear you, Bender. I'm afraid your friend is about to be fully buckminstered! Oh, yeah? I'll just jump into a machine and get his attention that way. Ah! But there aren't any machines on this planet. There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado.

We've come a long way, baby. The fruit of the robots' labor was this-- the stately 1992 LaToura. Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers. It was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend.

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw!

Let's kill him ourselves. Well, good night. I had a great time. How about a lift... to your place?

Sorry. It's too grumpy!

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING)

My gonopores! Look it up. ROCK ALIEN: I have freed you from the tyranny of gender. Now go in peace. Or actually, stay here. I'll go in peace.

"See through the eyes of a Bender unit." Fine. Hey, let me try it. Whoa, that gives me a headache.

Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store. Yes! He chose me.

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

A net gain for our great city! It's good that Leela doesn't love us. She'll be less sad when we die.

Okay. (MIMICKING LASER BEAM RESONATING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (SOBBING) So? Give me your honest praise. Fry, I've now seen two comic books, so listen to me. Why should I care about the hero when all he does is cry? (SOBBING)

No one messes with Mom. Quiet, you.

Do the things that make a team Help each other do some things Winners don't use drugs The New Justice Team

Fry. Leela. Amy. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Yes, but not by enough.

You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack. Sure, when it's convenient. But Hermes was always there for me. And now he's gone, thanks to you, Mr. Bigshot 7-G. I'll never see Hermes again.

The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real! Damn. The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.

I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back. Very well. I'll clean up Kif's mess. I shall go bargain with the Martians personally.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window.

Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot! I'll be whatever I want to do! That Guy was the greatest businessman that ever lived.

Wait, I'll be back in a minute. You did it, Fry!

1947 can kiss my shiny metal-- Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing.

Fry to battle stations! Fire torpedo number three! Firing torpedo number three.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians.

Wife, Son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help. (LABARBARA MOANING)

Move out, Fry. We need our most disgusting mutant leading the charge. I'll meet you up there. I need to check out something first. Okay. Vyolet, you're up front. Hey!

It's so nice to have more family. All I had was the Professor,

Bender! Shut the hell up! (POWER SURGING) Bender! Stop shutting the hell up! Right. Leela's back, as if I care. (SARCASTICALLY) Whoo! All right, Leela! (ALL CHEERING)

What's wrong? That's no lady. Damn, chico.

Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done. But not like that. Slightly more rapid.

I'm sorry. She's gone. (SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now.

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz? It'll be the end of civilized society! In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech gadgets like you do. We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes.

I'm gonna go home and get dinner started. Who are you talking to? No one, baby. Lucy Liu is the only girl for Bender. I love you--

"Worst play in history." "Calculon dies for second time." "Theater to be demolished to remove stink of new show."

You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

Hey, look. Now they got bigger. FARNSWORTH: Good heavens! Trilobots! Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!

Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Good-bye. Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat. - Duh! - One foot in the grave.

You so ugly, when you go to the bank, they ask you to put on a ski mask! You so ugly, you cracked The Daily Mirror. It's a newspaper! (BENDERS LAUGHING) I wish it weren't so, but many of these things are true.

I just remembered, that's the guy. Now with the horror hair.

It's not lame, it's lame.

He's so talented. You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

This wangs chung. After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever. No heat. No power. Huddled together in fear, like lice in a burning wig. Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn't so rotten, after all. What are you talking about, you crouton? You said it yourself.

Hmm. He's a witch! Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently? No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better.

(HONKING) Why are so many different parades smooshed together? It's the Parade Day Parade. What's Parade Day? It used to be that every group in New New York wanted their own parade.

You can do anything you want. Look at Walter Koenig. After Star Trek, he became an actor. Not just an actor but a well-rounded person... with my own friends and credit cards and keys. Well, I... guess I could move out of my parents' basement.

Professor Katz, would you mind... Miss Wong, I mind everything.

It's a doorbell baby! Hello, little guy. You know, I was abandoned as a baby too. - So-- - Garbage, huh? I'll take care of it. Bender, stop!

This calls for a drink.

Can't you ask a little more sexfully?

Oh! Was there a fire? So, Bender, how was the party? Only the greatest party ever! I don't need to have another party in my whole life. I am partied out!

At this rate, by Tuesday it will be Thursday. By Wednesday, it will be August. And by Thursday, it will be the end of existence as we know it. I'll have to ask you to clear out now. The circus needs to set up for tomorrow's big--

They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him. You think they'd let me use it to look for Bender? What am I, psychic? I mean-- Yes!

No. Pubic Library. Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk.

Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe.

The moment our eyes met we knew we'd be going at it like woodchucks. She was my first love or at least the earliest one I can still remember.

(ZAPP YODELING) Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage. And the others? Right here, behind this horror-cloth. Are they dead? No, no, no, no. Much worse.

I tried to warn you. I'm hideous. To me, you're beautiful. (SMOOCHING) NARRATOR: ...Langdon Cobb's acting is always in the bag.

I have love enough for two. Words, nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter, orange wax in my ears.

I look up at the sky, and I get this feeling... that somewhere on some unknown planet circling a distant star, my parents are up there, looking down on me.

What? Let me at 'em! (GRUNTING) A lot of ships get stolen on this planet, so, Bender, stay here and stand guard.

Oh, yes. Once again, today's winning lotto number was four. In other news, alien saucers continued to rain destruction upon Earth. We now go live to an emergency address by Earth President McNeal.

Forgive me, my friend. Never! And before we announce the winner, we have a special award for a first-time contestant-- Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler.

That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires... to the first scientist who can solve this problem once and for all. Lovely, aren't they? Sapphires? With those, I could open the Gate of Girash! First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum.

Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

Let Claw Plock begin!

I'm coming, darling! I shouldn't, but who's counting? Help! Fish police! Two salmon for dinner? What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday!

Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months,

which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood! Where in funky town is the professor?! Nothing in here but a couple of elephant-skin rugs.

Goodbye, boys. I suppose I should thank you for giving me a second chance at life, but... I'm not even sure I deserved a first.

I don't wanna! Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun!

There would be if you'd taken a spin class instead of lounging around in a coma!

- No vampire in there. - Uh-- Mm-- - Hmm. Well, uh-- If you're strapped for cash, you might want to consider this irregular unit. Cursed with a third ear, but so full of that emotion... I understand is called "love." One time, I did a hundred jump ropes.

Oh, God. You're killin' me. Oh, God! You're killing me! This our comedy club. Humor here funny in different way. It not reinforce stereotypes. Comedy come from character, real situations,

You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers... at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women--

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching. Now listen here, Bender.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say.

Ow! Ow! Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here. Really? No! Don't! Moron!

Why is there yogurt in this cap? I can explain that.

Bah! Pah! Who smells like freaking porpoise hork? I do! Kiss me, Kif.

That oughta keep those dopes occupied. I can guard the real box in peace, now that no one's curious about it.

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor.

Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean words like "you" and "are." Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point?

It seems Seymour died at the ripe old age of 15. Fifteen? You mean he lived for 12 more years after I got frozen? Indeed. Stop the cloning. Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine.

No one will ever want to mate with me.

Your tiny, tiny intellect.

Oh, Metal Lord, hear my prayer!

Go, bodysuit! Go! Come on!

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00.

Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't.

but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

I've never been so moved, and I see no reason to begin now. Hobsie, flush those creatures back down the hole they crawled out of. Madam's sewage-seeking missile. (GASPING)

You sure you don't want to kill all humans? (SCOFFS) I love all humans. (SNIFFS) He really is gone. I guess I'm happy for him.

Oh, dear! Might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead?

I'm on loan from the Louvre. Ow! Please, Professor... give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance.

Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course.

Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic. So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well

You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things.

Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth. And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about.

Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

Your task is nearly completed. Don't let down Pharaoh now.

This sausage is great!

Don't kill me yet! I'm startin' to come down with Stockholm syndrome,

There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money!

Help, help! Fry. I'm stuck in a loop. This isn't the moment I wanted to last forever. Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered. Oh!

Isn't that the same machine that makes noses? It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?

I made it, Leela. Sorry I'm a billion years late. (GASPS)

Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba.

You keep away from it! You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that.

By God, I think the boy's got something.

whipping through space at a million miles an hour. Ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Safe.

Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor. Ooh! Cushiony. And a mini bar.

Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care. Nah, I'm just kidding. You guys are all right. I'm so confused.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Hey! Draining male oil! Eww! Infusing female oil!

Only Fry could say, and he's gone. Hey. Bender and Leela are back from Pandora. How was it? Awful. We had nothing to say to each other, so we had to listen to Bender's Eagles album for 27 hours. Beats talking to you, witchy woman. ALL: Hey, he's back! FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba.

Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet.

Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping! Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit! Everybody say "fresh shrimp!" (GROANS) That was a rough ride. (BELCHES) Uh-oh.

but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy.

Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

(BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS) (BUZZER SOUNDS)

MAN: Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama. Okay, crew. Xmas break is over. It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver.

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready? Go. (PANTING) (GRUNTS)

I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone! Party! (ALL CHEERING) Yeah!

Uh, in theory, perhaps but you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission so suicidally dangerous. Aw, crap. Now you'll only have one chance to destroy the ball. After that it will be so close to Earth that blowing it up

That's a wholly owned trademark of Rodriguez Crime Concepts, Inc. Besides, I'm not on trial here. That's true. You're on trial in Courtroom Three. You are charged with two counts of burgle-arson-arceny. How do you plead? Not inno-guilty-cent.

Oh... You want to play fetch. (PANTING) Come on, boy, get the ball. (GROWLING) (LAUGHS) Dumb jerk. Come on, get the ball. (YELLING) (EVERYONE GASPS) Sweet freak of Mozambique, that thing's colossal!

that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe. So that's where my clover is. Hey, is that orbiting cemetery near here? It will be in a couple hours. Good. Leela, Bender, we're going grave robbing. I'll get my kit!

Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us.

In fact, it-it looks so nice i-i think I might get one, too. It's Elzar again! Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants! Leela, please, let me make this up to you.

(EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMS)

After carefully reading the Scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil. Yes, the Bible is the real good news.

Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer.

Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes? Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm.

That's right. I'm a polygamist. Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag.

Ooh. Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

Well, I got through the night, and no one looked in the box. Not even me-- the person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV-- gone! What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek. I need coffee.

He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already. (BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you. Oh, Lord.

Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too.

WOMAN: I love you, Your Majesty! Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it!

Of all the parasites I've had over the years, these worms are among the-- Hell, they are the best! Leela, how can I ever repay you for saving them? I'll think of something. Hello! What's all this then?

How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore. I don't blame you. Having to wear a costume made from a hollowed-out walrus.

of perfect flavor.

Are you familiar with... audio tape?

It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel. There, finished. Wouldn't it work better if the wheels were round? It's my invention. We do it my way.

Hmm. Words I never say.

Stop tempting me! For once in my life, I have inner peace. That's for losers. Come on, sin your heart out. Go nuts. Live a little. Could you hold my purse for a minute? Go for it, Bender. You know you want to. Well...

Oh, I think I got whiplash.

Well, that was pointless. Say I hope you won't think it "evil" of me...

"dripping from pores in the ceiling. "Dripping and dripping, year upon year, "century upon century..." What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners.

Hello, I'm Dr. Zoidberg. I'll be your busboy tonight... Fry! Leela! It's me, Zoidberg. From work and LinkedIn? Mind if I join you? Very much so. What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes.

And me with her? And I with it? (SHUSHING) There's no time to lose. Just be careful. The creature could be anywhere... Except in this room. (MULTIPLE LOCKS CLICKING)

Don't hug me! I've done a horrible thing! For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela!

I'm so sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you, just to destroy everything you ever believed in. Well, at least you saved us from, uh, you.

Well, at least you can plan accordingly. Dying sucks butt!

This is crazy, Bender.

(SNIFFING) A-ha! Dr. Cahill, do I detect a trace of opalescence? Very observant, Professor. To preserve the heads, we use a rare form of powdered crystalline opal. This is the world's entire supply. Yet it's so powerful, it should last a thousand years.

Cue the fireworks guy!

I know about Santa Claus. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool!

Uh, Leela? I'm through making fun of women. Now I want them to help me.

There's a gremlin destroying the plane! You've gotta believe me! Why should I believe you? You're Hitler! No! Eva Braun, help me!

Care to say a few words, son? Uh... Heroes don't do drugs. Except for Drugman, I guess. (CHEERING) I hereby declare that henceforth, this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING)

Come on. You can do it. Go on, you dummy.

(GROANING) Dr. Zoidberg, help! Bender? What happened to your leg tube? I got beat up by a little girl. Please. Fix my knee, so I can get revenge at the tap-dance championship! I don't have time for this, robot. Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack.

Which cake do you like better for our wedding? Bender? (EXCLAIMS) Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it! (SIGHS) That was close. Isn't it true, Mr. X, that you are slandering this innocent Mafioso to distract from your own felonious past,

Identity confirmed. Return this shambling shuffleboarder to his room. 7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

So... how's business?

I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender! However, you've got the job.

Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

- Ooh. - Bubblegum, look at this. The background time radiation is fluctuating wildly! Good lord! That sucker's shakin' round like some fine imported booty! Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I know how to stop the skipping. We'll just--

After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh! What are you, gay?

Yeah, baby. Come on! All aboard the party ship!

We're back for our time machine! Ow! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like?

I've made up my mind. Let's adopt her.

Who's the Zapp Brannigan? Shall I fire on them now, sir? Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.

Revision ball. By deciding not to shoot Bender, you created an alternate future. I could never shoot you. Never! You taught me how to shave. See?

Ah. So quiet, so peaceful. Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Here we are-- your new home. Cool. You know, I've never even seen a robot's apartment before. Come on in. I'll give you the tour.

Remember, we've got to show these people... we're not bitter husks of human beings... who long ago abandoned hope of finding love in this lifetime. Leela, you'll have to do some acting. Check. Welcome!

I'm back, baby.

Is it love when you care about a female for reasons beyond mating? Nope. Must be some weird alien emotion. Zoidberg said some dumb stuff but he's a nice guy, really. It's just that Fry's been telling him what to say and Fry's a... Do you have idiots on your planet? Fry?

Bender, mon it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf about on the couch. You call that a couch? I demand a pillow. I'm sorry, but if you want to continue drawing a salary you've got to do more than watch the cooking shows all day.

Yoiks. What was that about? Fluh. She's an orphan.

I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning-- et cetera. I do. I do. Okay then.

Get your lack of hands off my boy! You're an unfit parent who abandoned her child! Oh, yeah? Well, I'm still less unfitter than you. Says who? Says this document you gave me when you tried to abandon Ben first! (GRUNTS) It's genuine.

Uh-oh, I don't like where this is heading. And I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place.

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

So, if you're not sure if it's alive or dead Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead

All right, anteater number one, who are you protecting? Is it anteater number two? Don't stick your tongue out at me. I need a name. What? How do you spell that?

Any word from Leela? I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope. She always liked not being observed with a telescope. (ALL GASP)

We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel. Yes, yes.

Aha, Leela, we meet again. But this time, I'm the one criticizing the sausage. (RUMBLING) (GASPING) (SCREAMING) (TRUMPETING) (ALL SHOUTING)

I haven't seen that magnificent stallion since the day he left, but if I ever see him again I swear I'll jam a squirrel in him! - Hmm. - Hmm... - Huh?

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface. But he ruined my wedding dress. Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talkin' about. You know, it's not easy being an orphan.

(BELCHES) (GROANS) Fry! That's disgusting! What? You double-dipped! Geez. Crew, you're working too hard. Tell me about it.

Are they black with white feathers or white with black feathers? It don't matter, baby. They're all beautiful. Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

It's all-natural.

Well... I'm the greatest! Looks like we got the old Bender back. You know it, porkpie. Except for one thing--

I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything. What do you mean?

Men, five, women, less. Hey. He's lying. Obviously. That was a test to see who could lie better.

Professor! Lava! Hot!

On Batman's night off. Oh! This is a stickup! Oh, hey, Fry and Leela. Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged!

you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place you need me, you do forever and ever we are baby love child

How wicked! But wait, I'm supposed to give a speech at the U.N. tomorrow. Can I trust you to do it? You can trust anything. So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body.

FARNSWORTH: What could I do? I hung up Leela with the other bone bags and went to procure the final ingredient for my stem cell brew. (FLY BUZZING) Professor, my Fry-fro is all frizzy.

I can't be mad. I'm on way too many painkillers. Plus, you were willing to sacrifice yourself so I could live. I mean, you failed, miserably, but you're the only person who loves me enough to try. One last foolish gesture? Uh...

You'll all get through this. I give you my word as a real doctor. What about me? What did he do to you? I don't know exactly, but I'm incontinent.

Why isn't there a lighthouse to guide us away from the rocks?

we could rule this world! No question. If only someone would give us a shot. They're scared of our raw power. Oh, but if you want a job, I could beg everyone at the company where I work. Awesome. Awesome to the max!

Ows! I am not familiar with this concept of gender. My species has only a single gender, known as "neuchacho." Interesting. Come on, men! Let's kill him! Your genders differ in many ways.

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff.

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

And due to the embargo, the only place to get it is straight from the source. The deadly, deadly source. I will not endanger this crew for some quack remedy. Ha! The sacred weed of Omicron is a serious herb. Sacred weed you say?

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away. Oh, no! I know you're all very upset especially Bender. Well, life goes on... except for you.

Hey, grandpa! Move your wrinkly old keister!

(KNUCKLES CRACKING)

I think they look cool. Shh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Hey, did that lad just say rings are cool? Nope. He said they're stupid. Cool! So what do you think of that guy by the bar? I don't know. Maybe. Forget it. He's gay. What? How can you tell? I just know these things.

Hold on, man! It ain't like that!

I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas! There has to be! Fine. Get going.

Bender, come join us. We're watching Rear Window. I used to stick my rear out the window. If you prefer, we could watch Behind the Music. My behind used to make music. Backdraft is on. Even my ass wouldn't watch that. Bender, I'm proud of you for the sacrifice you made.

Fry! Fry! No! No! Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed.

Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water!

- Hello. - Cute name. Look what he can do. Wow! Whoa! Yeah, I do it all. Clamping, crimping, occasional snipping. Snipping?

So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight. Geez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough? Okay. Sure.

400 categories, and not a single nomination for me. But you won this Golden Globe. Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards! I told you I want an Oscar!

Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on! (WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket.

Melllvar! Dinnertime!

Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones. Super King has no need for loved ones.

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish!

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms. We're close to the exit. I can smell those filthy orange guys. Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you.

No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship? I suppose it is technically possible though I am already in my pajamas.

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though. Mmm. Whoa-oh-oh-- Hey!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury you may begin your deliberations.

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions? Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News. Senator, in the last 10 seconds, I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth. Care to evade these compelling charges? No. I mean, yes. I mean... (GROANS)

My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING)

You're too picky. Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low I.Q. or an explosive, violent temper of course you're going to be lonely.

Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus.

Then, last of all, we add the secret ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously addictive.

Order! In the matter of Everyone v. Farnsworth, the alleged creationist faces a sentence of death by melting. Who is representing the accused? I am. I am, Your Honor. (ALL GASP) Bender, what the hell are you doing? Shut up, I'm billing you by the hour!

You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore. I apologize for his rudeness, ma'am. He gets this way around meaty-looking women. Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine. Frankly, I've never felt voting to be all that essential to the process.

(SCREAMING) Oh, yeah. Second place! Release the giant sloth!

Well, Bender, I hope this has taught you a lesson... about changing your sex to win five gold medals. It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots...

Okay, here's the scene. Calculon learns his wife is unfaithful, whines about how pathetic he is, kills himself, laugh, laugh, laugh, go to commercial. Got it? And action!

Get the hell off my planet.

This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

I'm not a robot.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it!

just give me your hand. Ow! Baby. Ow!

(SMOOCHING) (GASPS) Mom, are you okay? Did Zapp take advantage of you? Show me where he touched you on this dried-apple doll. Don't be silly. Zapp's a perfect gentleman. And so handsome. Did you know he wears a velour man-skirt?

Go yourself. Behold another power, different from the one you saw earlier!

Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he...

Wait. That's not good news at all. Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favor of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, Ooh, suddenly, you've gone too far.

Whoop! People of Earth... Ooh, that hippie's starting to kick in. We've all learned an important lesson today. I realize now that... Dude, my hands are huge.

that should take the tar right off. Come on. Let's go tell Leela, so we can grow up together.

But why did you have all five weddings on the same day? Hey, lady, you got any idea what it costs to rent a tux that changes shape?

Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two.

Please insert girder. You're right. Nothing is over as long as there's one thin ray of hope. Lost something? I should have known you'd come here rather than follow proper procedure. And I did know, and that's why I came here. Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

Baby needs a new pair of shoes!

Surprise! Mind if we crash here tonight?

He's... He's dead. It does look that way. My poor sweet puddle. (GASPS) The button. I can still save him. No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked.

I find it offensive.

Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose. Ooh. Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh. Mmm... you.

Hold still, Fry. I can reattach it with my emergency face laser. Hey, you burned my cheek! Yeah, sorry. I wasn't really concentrating. No, I mean the singed flesh, I can smell it. And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed.

Farewell. The next day, Billy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Have you guessed the name of Billy's planet? It was Earth!

That's right... no body. But as you can plainly see, I've got a shiny new body. Bender, he's got your body! That dirty, double-crossing bastard! How dare he run off with Richard Nixon.

So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant?

Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? Oh, please let it be me. That guy who used to bend things. You know. Me. Please. Hermes. All right, all right! If it means that much to you, blow up my statue. Oh, Bender! When did you come in?

By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion.

So, Nixon, even if you miss your body being a head's great, too, right? No, son. It's a sad and lonely life. Oh, great. Now you tell me. That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay. You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela. Merry Xmas.

Mmm. Okay, that's enough. I said that's enough. Get her purse!

I do other human stuff! I age. See? I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you?

or wear a lame cape. It's not lame, it's lame. And this thing lying on the bed? He may be a weird skin ball full of love and some kind of red juice, which is delicious, by the way, I've been drinking it every day, but we're friends. And I will not kill him.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

(ALL GASPING) (EXCLAIMS)

Are you the cryogenicist who called about our son's dog? Ohh. You must be the Frys. Yeah, he's right over there. Sorry we're late. We all got sick from eating bad bologna. Y2K.

Yoo-hoo. Daisy Mae 128-K... Yoo-hoo. and the Crushinator. Yoo-hoo.

Aha! Got it! Whoo! We're the greatest! Mostly me! MOTHER: Bender Rodriguez? WALT: But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit, and he's 12 years out of date. How could he possibly play that well? Did you see me? History came alive and I killed it! (LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more,

I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Next patient! Geez, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill. Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone. He has twice the training you do. Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher. Oh, see? This is how it starts-- first with the jokes then comes the heavy stuff. When will the killing end?

Holy camoly! The house I grew up in! It's still there! Man, Father Time... really took a bat to this place. That stupid clover is a worthless piece of garbage! Give it, give it, give it!

I've never been able to put into words how I feel about you. But somewhere among these trillions of hearts, those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them.

Uh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 2000 and you guys never existed. I'm so glad I'm awake now and you're really here. Since when do you care about us? We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy old songs about the buttocks. No, that's not true. Good-bye.

Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not! What? Ah, I think it's sweet. You chopped off your nose so you could look more like your hero-- me, Bender. My God! They must have taken it last night. Which last night? In the woods! I was walking.

Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me. What?

Gene Tinker, bus. Charles Kiley, train. Mike Pisarik, lion.

But from neglect. 'Cause you're going home in an urn.

I'll hit the fuel guzzler.

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer?

I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here.

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much!

Cut to the chase, Preach. Do you, Alcazar, take this woman... Poorer, in sickness, to love, death, part? Yeah, sure, I do. Come on-- faster! Do you, Leela, copy and paste his response till death do you part?

Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle. Good luck, Dwight. (RINGS BELL) And the nominees are Johnny Jensen from Rent-A-Cat, Nezzbin Zalgabarg, Ten-Minute Underwear, and Dwight Conrad, Speedy Wig.

turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate. Eww! Oh!

Mmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine. Oh, boy... I didn't have the heart to tell him it's fin fungus. He'll be floating upside down by morning. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

Shmeezus, it's hot!

For soon, the quivering mass of life within me... will depend upon us both. Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming, searching, questing, and shortly, it will rend my loins in twain, burst forth, and pull us down, down, down...

That's some fine oil-ade, son. We could use a man like you in the Robot Mafia... which I'm sort of in.

Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner. (BEEPING) AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

Aw, he's holding a spoon. He's so talented.

Whoo! Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

And you, Doctor? I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads. Shh! Nobody correct him! Fry, I've never asked you for anything before but if it's not too much trouble when it comes to the ninth round just let him win.

Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint.

What do you take with that?

Uh-oh. This new universe is about 10 feet lower than our old one.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip! Don't do it, Hermes! You have so much to live for! I get it. Reverse psychology. Please, old friend, don't jump. Use another method that won't damage your liver.

No! No! No! No! Uh-oh! Oh!

(CLAPPING) Hi, kids. What book would you like me to read first? We don't got books no more. What? He means "anymore." Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up. Make something up? Um. Okay.

Thee will be done.

I don't see any irony in that.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (BUZZER SOUNDS)

(GAVEL THUDDING) What? JUDGE: Has the jury reached a verdict? MAN: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

What just happened? He's throwing us in prison. Dang. Can I get this wrapped up? Ow! I might have liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison. You really are too picky.

Yes. "Looks like you found it again." Oh, boy. That was quite a zinger, old friend. "I'm not your friend. "I'm out of here the second you let go of my bowels." (ENTHUSIASTIC LAUGHTER) Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week.

Yes! My lucky pants! Leela, we can go together after all. Come on. Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES) What? With all spaceships inoperable, we only need one spaceship pilot.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine.

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion! Last one. Oh!

Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip. Yes, you did.

This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant!

less obvious. Your genes seem less detrimental. You even stink more. Do I ask her to mate now? Third date. So I returned his artificial heart and ever since then I've been known by the name of Honest Bender.

loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

Help, Satan! You owe me!

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming?

You'll be the captain you'll be the delivery boy and you'll be the alcoholic foul-mouthed-- Oh, God, you're alive! I mean, thank God, you're alive. Sorry. Check back in three days. A week at the most.

If my calculations are correct this garbage ball will knock the other garbage ball directly into the Sun. And if my calculations are correct we're all going to die horribly. All right, places, everyone.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night.

All right, mama! Spin it, baby. I don't like this place. It's 120 degrees and there's very little oxygen. Shut up and hoot.

I used the Find My Robot app.

Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving. Sorry, but we're totally sealed in. Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes. Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery... and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender.

Let's play the lottery! No! Let's buy Internet stock. On margin! Zoidbee wanna buy on margin. Look at me! I'm invisible. Wait a minute. I know what's going on here. You've all become idiots! Hey, let's all join the Reform Party! Oh, yeah!

Fry, delete that. Delete that right now! What? Oh. Okay.

No, thanks. I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything. I know Zoidberg's magical words were really yours. Teach me to love you squishy poet from beyond the stars.

They're attention parasites. They feed on the admiration of their prey. Just like the noble buffalo. Nothing like a buffalo.

Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during... All rise for the Honorable Judge 724. Good day. I'd like to say I'm prepared to tolerate several, if not all forms of intimidation during this trial. Prosecutor?

The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission. Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander!

then Don Martin Iii went kerflooey, and now Tweenis 12. Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys.

Can you help me?

Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone? Why, of course. It's just a name. Like "The Death Zone" or "The Zone of No Return." All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.

Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller? We'll bill you for the couch. Cheer up, meat bag. You barely touched your amoeba.

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

We did it! We're home free! Yes, but... I'm dying. Not 'cause of the turds. Can I have a turd? Just rest. I'm gonna get you to a vet. (GRUNTING)

And you are outta here!

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

- Amy, what are you doing here? - I forgot to give you something before you left. Oh. What? Is that your camouflage reflex... or are you just happy to see me? I love it out here, Amy. I feel so manly.

Imagine you stowing away and stealing a licensed starship! Oh, it's so romantic. It gives me the shivers. I don't care how much trouble I get in. I needed to feel my lips pressed... against your lipless beak. Oh, Amy, I can't stand having a whole universe between us.

And so I make this solemn vow to do everything I can to make sure this wonderful, innocent creature enters this world happy, healthy, and... All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING) (ALL GASP)

By God, I am your nephew. This is absolutely incredible. Can we have some money? Oh, my, no.

This sausage is great! You, mein Robot, move on to the next round. Shut up, Judge, I know it. Way to go, Bender! Can I try a piece? You can have yourself a whole big boy. Mmm.

Ah. Leela, Leela Leela, save him Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough

so I must take the only honorable path, what with the killing myself. Here I go already. Huh? That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

Bite my shiny metal ass. Help! I was attacked in my bathroom!

Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Now, we have a full schedule of events. Uh, can people who hate Star Trek leave? Good question.

Right away, Mother. Larry, get your mother a cream soda. But Mom said-- You heard me. What's wrong, Mommy? It's those damned anchovies.

Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts. Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new.

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye?

Excellent, excellent.

Don't worry, Kif. I'm sure some other... beautiful, rich girl will fall in love with you.

How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad. In today's field we own four horses and two jockeys. We just put our best jockey out to stud, Amy. He's perfect for you. Hey, baby. Ever do it in a suitcase?

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot. Flexo! Shoot Flexo.

I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly! (ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things?

I'll come visit sometime, and you can visit me here. No, he can't. Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out. This way we'll both be happy. Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy. Hey, the TV's back on!

But the years went by and Pharaoh died Susie went and joined him in the afterlife--

It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror.

and we'll be Universe One. Or the Mongooses. That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses.

I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha. Find that apple. It's down there somewhere.

You monsters have been eating our babies.

I'm not sure. I think he's shuffling off sadly into the distance. Oh, Lord.

Where the food is digested. We should be safe, just so long as nothing makes it beat faster.

No galaxies there.

Consider the philosophical and metaphysical ramifications of the... banana, banana, banana. Wait. What's that sound? Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

(ALL SCREAMING) Yeah. You know, I'm feeling a little... (RETCHES)

Surgery in an opera? How wonderfully decadent. And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands.

Look to your left, then to your right.

Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy. My condolences, LaBarbara. I hope you find some comfort in staring at this throbbing mass of nerve tissue. Oh, he's gone! Oh, Zoidberg, what have you done?

What are you doing there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, you don't understand. Let's go, you murderer. Fry, help me lock him up. Hang on. I'm learning how to do loop-de-loops. Whoa, whoa!

(ALL SCREAMING) Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS) (BABBLING) Some of us were crazy before it was cool.

Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you. Leela, you'll have to watch out for Fry now. Oh, Lord.

Fine kick, sir, but I'm actually here to deliver your cut from the cigar heist. Oh, sweet legal tender.

Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

Okay... I got a lock on him. Yup. He's gay.

I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad.

Wow. This is beautiful. What's with all the crap? It's not crap. Dr. Mobutu collected this crap while he was exploring the whatchacallit... universe. Well, this place has everything except the only thing I care about-- a TV.

reconstituted in a gorilla body! Catering. Oh-- Ohh.

Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint. Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the--

Whuzzat? A wolf? Or some kind of boogin-- Oh, God, I wish I was safe inside a tent. Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English?

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go-- But in the end, they shoot you. But you teach us about things.

Wow, it really doesn't matter who you vote for. At least we tried to make a difference by supporting Senator... Senator... What was his name again? I don't remember. We never even left this building. What?

From now on, you'll be known as Wiggles. The hell I will! Have you even read the Captain's Handbook?

Well, Fry, or should I say... Captain Fry? No, I shouldn't, because Bender is the new captain. Bender?

So, if I die... You die. Or as you put it... (RASPS) Excuse me for a moment. (SHOUTING) No!

You don't have to do this to prove your manliness. Oh, yes, he does. Here are your mounts.

Well, let's get started.

What in the name of Bob Marley's ghost? Get to work, you lazy boltbag. Ooh.

Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards? Why are you so angry, Mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards! You see, the plan is about to enter phase two. As soon as someone reaches a million followers,

I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint. Will you guys shut up? I'm trying to look cool. ...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going?

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents.

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me. Maybe he has a parasite. Maybe he is a parasite!

That's right! The ending must not be ruined!

I'd like a pass to swim with Mushu, please. Well, you asked the right guy. I'm the whale biologisT. um, personally, I hate whales. Especially Mushu. Then why'd you become a whale biologist? I don't know you well enough to get into that. Three hundred dollars, please.

(BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth!

She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots. Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible! Hey, the TV's getting away!

(FRY MOANS) Wow! Those fireflies are going nuts. Come here. I've always wanted to make love by bug-light. Shmoly crap!

and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where? Ah, he's gone. He said you should keep wasting your life though.

Come, quickly before a fiery explosion chases someone down a hallway. I have no choice but to-- If you want Calculon to race to the lasergun battle in his Hover Ferrari, press one.

Why have you kept him around all these years when he's so grossly incompetent?

Oh, stupid slug. I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

Ooh, a diamond vial of Mrs. Dash? No. It is the essence of pure flavor. A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth.

Poor Mr. Chunks. At least he died doing what he loved. He's in a better place now. There, I turned a regular board into a diving board.

Fry, you're so confident and take-charge on this trip. It's kind of a turn-on. Not now, Leela. I'm trying to meet old people.

N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'.

This isn't Yemeni! it's Sulawesi! And my cup's shaking! I don't want my coffee shaking! You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap.

Forget that! I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways... by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization...

Girls of Planet Express calendar. FRY: Girlie calendar? Great idea, Amy.

Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been!

You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?

Death to the 1-X robots! I love those magnificent 1-X robots!

"I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time!

I received the curse while taking a Learning Annex class from a famous robot actor. You know him as... Calculon! Oh, fate most cruel! Would that my boundless acting skills might avail me a sword with which to slay this wretched curse.

you shouldn't trust anyone, not even me. But I'm just so scared. Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here.

Third place? This is the greatest injustice Germany has ever committed!

Ooh, burn! Nailed you, buddy. Prepare to continue the epic struggle between good and neutral. This is awesome. We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like,

Can't you just accept that? I guess I can't. I'll learn you to sleep with my robot daughters. He'll never find me in here. Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

Der! Mail call! Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet.

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Hey, I should be mad at you. Now turn around.

We know nothing about their language their history, or what they look like but we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks. They look like dorks!

We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good. Ah! Do you have to shed your skin on the couch? What do we live in, a zoo?

Wake up! Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

And that includes cultural exports.

I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie.

I can tell by the magnets in my head, or whatever. Let's go! The urge to spawn drives the salmon inexorably toward the stream of its birth. Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you!

Leela, meet your future husband, Sal. Eeh! Nice eyeball, eyeball. Nice ass, ass. Ooh, sparks.

Challenger-er Bender-er!

Here we go. just a minute. Aha!

Oh, it haunts my memory still. Professor, no! Don't do it! Don't do what?

Pardon me. I don't mean to pry into what you're doing in here with the crab and the one-eyed lady and the Chinese girl, but everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception.

See you then! We're back for our time machine! Ow!

Wow! Neat! Oh! It's a triumph of free-spirited German engineering. Hey! The speedometer only goes up to 80. This thing can't go faster than 80,000 miles an hour? No, it can't. But it's got a driver's side floor... and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound.

Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death.

Brought to you by Fishy joe's. Ride the walrus.

Amy, I reckon sweet talk don't come natural to me, but of everyone I've ever dated, you are probably in the top 10. Aw. You always say just the wrong thing in just the right way.

Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to-- Oh, Lord! Aa-aa-aah! I couldn't make that out. Too much static.

Get out of my house, you lying scum pile! I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere

He put in carpeting yesterday and now my head hits the ceiling. Hey, do you realize you're standing at a weird angle? Now you're okay. Look at yourself-- you're a wreck. You've got to find a new place to live. Is that an invitation? Love your optimism, Fry.

Oh, no! Like Flatland? Call it what you will. The point is, the new Shrek movie won't look nearly as good. I was taking a nap in the back seat. Anything happen while I was... (MUTTERS) Bloods on the Mobius strip.

Ooh! Oh, no! It's midnight!

but I need to know if it's really me she loves, or just what you worms have made of me.

No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

So, Chrissy, we seem to be hitting it off. If you're not doing anything later might I escort you to a kegger? Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza.

FARNSWORTH: Look at you. LEELA: Hubba hubba. Your pants go almost all the way to your ankles. Good afternoon, individuals. Sir, would you mind stepping out of the building? Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly. Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist?

(HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING)

Eight one-million-dollar chips, please. I think that's about eight. Everything on 34. Zoidberg, what are you doing?

Think, you disco duck. Think! What's that squirmal under your shirt? Oh! Get off me, you parasitic lamprey! Oh, sure, you need all your blood.

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order. I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse...

Do I, Philip J. Fry, take you, Turanga Leela, to be my lawful wedded wife? You do. Do I, Turanga Leela, take you, Philip J. Fry, to be my lawful wedded husband? Uh, yes? Absolutely.

(RESUMES LAUGHING)

Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine.

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there.

Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no.

I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear. No! Fry can't know anything about the mission. If he finds out, the worms will try to defend themselves. They know everything he knows. They know how to make ice cream soup? Leela,

OW-OW-OW! Huh? And the winner is... Bender!

She asked first.

Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know. Maybe it was goulash. But it can't really continue.

And those lilacs on the table. At least someone noticed. For the last time, I don't like lilacs. Your first wife was the one who liked lilacs. She also liked to shut up.

I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it!

There they go! And Barbados Slim takes an early lead. God, I hope he wins! What's this?

I'm going to call the police... right after I flush some things. Police, bah. Nosy meddlers. It so happens I have mail-order degrees in murderology and murderonomy. Zoidberg is afoot. Perhaps the professor's files can clear things up.

Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. That's sweet, Hermes.

Hey, where are you going? I don't know and I don't care. Yay, I'm back. Wait, this is my stop.

He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey!

Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams. Thank you, sir. That's exactly what I was going for.

The best kind of correct.

Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela.

Gotcha! - I don't understand. - Yes, you do. You came back in time to knock me into that freezer. And now, I came back in time to stop you. I did not come back in time. My people lack that ability.

Sellin' kidneys, teeth. Whatever falls out of me. And what am I up to, you ask? Why, I'm a very successful space captain. - Oh! - Wow! How nice for you, Leela. That's so good... for a person with one eye. Hey! You can't feel sorry for me.

The British are coming! The British are coming! By land. By land. Gotta treat this OCD. Gotta treat this OCD. Fry, you dope. You've really screwed the granny this time.

Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No! Ahh. Ahh. Man, I wish we had a robot to do stuff. I know, right?

Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners?

because you're our baby girl.

Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

They may find In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology

Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber. I don't know what you did, Fry, but once again, you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mamas. I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.

And Executive Gamma, programmed to underestimate Middle America. It's funny, but is it going to get them off their tractors? Now, who put this obnoxious dancing robot on my network? We were about to fire him, sir. Silence, hack!

Ah, thank you, golf slave. Huh! Rich people wouldn't waste their time on this nonsense! Plus, these eggs are gritty and tasteless. Oww! Not so rough!

900 degrees. Bender mon, lie yourself down. You're paying for that. I'll have a look but I remind you I'm an expert on humans, not robots. I'm not Bender. I'm Fry.

This has gone too far. Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances. And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close.

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING) Lot of weather we're having.

known for their hypnotic rhythms, driving bass lines and memorable hooks. That's what I'm known for! Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record." Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave... at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery,

I'll just use the old extensomatic arms. Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! Also, we're dying! I'm a-comin'!

Destroy them. Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it. Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You.

He's busteds. Let's get hims outta heres.

No, we can't. Once on Earth, you will be too stupid to remember the message. That's why we wrote it down for you. We've also prepared a bag lunch and some mittens.

Michelle, baby, where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life.

(SNARLING) (MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING)

Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low. Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him. You're in tremendous danger, you idiot!

Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038. Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil.

Oh, I don't think there's anything to worry about. These people seem really mild-mannered. They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now. You touched me in ways I've never been touched before. Ah, there you are, Your Majesty.

Ahh, the hypochondriac's back. So what is it this time?

Where go beautiful man?

Get a shave, ugly! Oh.

I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed.

Let's find those flowers. We'll split into teams.

Hi, Fry. Hello. Hey, how have you been? Well, yank my beard. This be a surprise. How are you, Fry? Thank you for asking, English. My life is simple but plain, and though Bender be gone, somehow I feel he's still with me. I sure am, Brother Fry.

The blerns are loaded the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect. Right? Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish. Multi-ball! Multi-ball!

Thank you. I deserve this. Hey, Professor! Now that the Earth's orbit is further from the sun, won't that make the year longer? Why, yes. One week longer, to be exact. In that case, I hereby declare it... Robot Party Week!

No dog track rabbit should be used to test cosmetics, no robot cow should have to be milked by a milking machine, and no milking machine should have to milk a robot cow. Those injustices don't even exist. Then let's find some that do.

We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

I am not a crook's head. Yeah, you are. You stole my body! Fry, Leela, you got to help me. Ordinarily, I'd say no and lecture you on how this is your own fault for being such an idiot.

You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

We were just eating spatzle and listening to Kraftwerk... I mean fire! (BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

I'm just so lonely!

I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now.

Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass! What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us. Where did you learn such language? From Bender, my good jerk-wad. Bender, eh? That guy's really starting to twist my dreads.

Hello! Hey! Youse guyses wanna move that thing? Hello!

Commencing excavation of the subject's chest cavity. And in this corner, Zoidberg! Come on, lighten up. What is this, a funeral? Heart. Take. I've got four of them. Stomach contents: one deviled egg.

Also, some kind of sportsmanship award I had in my glove compartment. Yay! I'm finally done with school! How's the job market? (BARKING) Rough. Congratulations, Dr. Wong! (ALL CHEERING) Congratulations. Permission to come aboard?

Women only room! All right, enough of this.

Nothing. I got rid of the worms. What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms. I needed to know who you loved, me or them.

Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola. The one called "Smelly Hippie" is right.

We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'll just politely escort him to the gutter.

Please, I'm scared. We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough-guy facade? Now, beat it! I passed out around midnight which is much earlier than usual and when I woke up I found these in my chest cabinet. Aw, relax, buddy.

Thank you, Your Majesty. Thanks, ma'am. How can you trick people into drinking something that comes out of your behind? It's disgusting. Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste? Whose behind does that come from? You don't want to know.

Well, sure, but not in our dreams-- only on TV and radio... and in magazines... and movies... and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and T-shirts and bananas and written on the sky but not in dreams. No, sirree. Quit squawking, fleshwad. Nobody's forcing you to buy anything.

Oh, no problem. This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm going to be stuck there lonely and miserable. Will you be my date? Please?

50, 45, 40. It's all over. Woo! Down at the 35! I'm really sick. Huh? Oh, sorry. 109. We'll check it again at halftime.

(LAUGHS) If I overclock you some more, maybe we can beat those Korean girls! Well, well. That nerd-burglar overclocked the robot's processor! And that voids his warranty. Even an idiot like me knows that. - An idiot like you knows nothing! - Ah! What matters is, it violates the license agreement,

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now?

We'll have to run some tests back on Earth, but I think we've stopped the time skips. - All right! jammin'! - Hooray for Leela! And what better way to celebrate our success... than by me showing Bubblegum the Globetrotter uniform I made myself? Lemme see. Hello, lawsuit. Leela, I want you to know...

Um, Zoidberg? I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing.

How does it feel to be the hunted? To be forever looking over your shoulder, like an owl with that type of neck? To die in agony at the hands of the world's greatest lover?

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly! (ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things?

Excuse me! Coming through! Freedom train arrivin' on Track One! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom. What's this next float, Linda? Representing our men, women and children in uniform,

For A thOusand summers I Will

Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him.

(BENDER CONTINUES YELLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) Phew! It is ripe in here. Well, so long, jerks. We are now in minute five of our round-the-clock coverage as we await the return of the courageous robot.

The creature is a shape-shifter. It knocked me out and took my form so it could prey on poor Hermes. I weren't fooled. The real professor wouldn't never... Dern. (ALL WHIMPERING)

All right, Beelzebot. What'll it going to take to get our friend back?

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

in the flop movie, The Magnificent Three, Dr. Zoidberg! Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger.

(ALL GASP) Greetings, Princess Purpleberry. I am Lord Loquat, your new neighbor. You're coming to live here? There goes the purple-hood.

Ah, um, um! Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel.

What's this? Two meals in one week?

Here. Try a deep-a dish pizza. Contains-a four kinda things. I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit.

(CREW GASPS) Who are you, stranger? Well, madam, folks call me the Borax Kid. My friend, the other rock alien, died without setting your genitals to right. So I reckon it's up to me to sex you up proper.

Who are you? Don't hurt us.

It's ocean madness, all right. Sailors call it "aqua dementia," "the deep down crazies," "the wet willies," "the screaming moist..." We'll form a search party.

Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned. Let's all go to the lobby.

This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it.

I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true! That dress looks great on you.

Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot control in her bra? Bra. Professor, you don't have to get back together with Mom.

Um-- Um-- just relax. I'm sure my parents will love you. You don't understand. When I get nervous, I can't control my camouflage reflex. Oh, dear. Oh, goodness. Oh, odds and bodkins.

Erase her, Fry.

with Eurasia, Australia and Kentucky turning out in big numbers.

Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant?

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh...

Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why? Calculon, my darling, your loud "why" brought me partway back to life. Congo jack! Another shocking twist!

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries!

(BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

Bender, quick! Waggle something!

You'll never pardon anybody because you'll never get elected president. The voters of Earth aren't the pea-brained idiots they were back in your time. Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy.

Please, Fry. Girlfriends always talk trash to each other. Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem. Exactly. Now, enough about who is and who isn't a Chinese skank.

Could you limbo before?

We want our TV back. There's your problem. Oh, my God. Bender, it's your thingy.

Hey, I wonder if these guys are here to watch the erotic display, too.

Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend.

Amazing grace... How...

Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he's made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe. I wasted my youth porking out. Yes, I remember.

Bureaucrat Conrad, you are ordered to relieve yourself of duty. Sounds like a party. Goodbye. (SIGHING)

That's weird. It's another Cyclops. Only this one has five eyes. And here's another one with no eyes. Does anyone have A reason why this couple shall not be joined in the irrevocable shackles of holy bliss?

It's started, Zoidberg, the fever, the muscle spasms. I'm dying.

Bender, stop! - It's a baby! - A baby what? Ow!

Sir, your wife's hysterical, so I'll address this to you. This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper.

Whatever you said, forget it! All right. Then just one hand. Just... my left hand? Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting! I can't stand it!

We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here.

Hey, great idea.

I'm honored to begrudgingly present you with your Ph.D. in applied physics. Also, some kind of sportsmanship award I had in my glove compartment. Yay! I'm finally done with school! How's the job market? (BARKING) Rough.

Whoa! Whoa. Whoa! Come on, Leela. You can do it! Hurry, we're missing our bus!

Humorbot 5.0, ladies and gentlemen. Our next stand-up's a veteran of four comedy traffic schools. Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg! All right! Earth. What a planet.

This time the two are one and the same. Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it! That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check!

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train!

Oh, my God! His bone-itis! I was so busy bein' an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it! My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

(POWER SURGING) (GASPS) He's gonna blow! Party, Bender! Party for your life! No chance, high-pants! I'd rather die and kill all of you than party for one more millisecond! (ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

Abandon ship! No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted valve.

So, my humiliation is over? Who are you?

I can never repay him his $10,

That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her.

I don't care if it's 3:00 p.m. Open up and hide me! I don't think so, Bender. You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no.

(ALL SCREAMING) (ZAPP YODELING OVER INTERCOM) (SHUDDERS) FARNSWORTH: And so, as you and Leela kissed goodbye in a tender display of tonguesmanship,

No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

Why are the laws of physics what they are, instead of some other laws? To find out, we'd have to recreate the conditions before the big bang. It would take decades of work by thousands of scientists in a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks of flaming grant money! Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success,

No. Get out. Next?

(GASPS) That's it. I'm killing myself.

(RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

For me, that time is now. So I ask you, as a friend-- Won't you stop this deal? Fry, I'm an '80s guy. Friendship to me means that for two bucks... I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as--

Stop! People of Earth I am jurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Could someone lower this thing for me?

Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level five I don't feel well It's up to us to rescue him

Oh, Lord. I wish I could go with you, pal. Me, too. I'll need a butler. Bender, we have to go.

I may be just a backwoods septic tank, but I've had it up to here with you foreigners.

Planet of the Clams.

Please don't tell my supervisor I was sleeping.

There's nothing wrong with these uniforms that a few denim patches won't fix. (SHRIEKING) Oh, all right. To the garment district!

Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. ALL: Hear, hear! (GULPING) Hmm. I guess I'm still kind of nervous. One more teensy drink to help Amy relax.

we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster. See ya April 15th, folks. Cue the fireworks guy!

Okay, we just have to get from here to the escape pods. I'm too young to die. Come on, before it's too late.

Legion of Benders, come unto me! We have one thing to do.

VoilÀ! You got a quarter?

Don't you care that I murdered Hermes? Not even a little. There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a--

Dirt doesn't need luck. I'm going down there to get my clover back.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth! Oh? There he is! Take it off! W-Where am I? Move forward! Walk into the light! Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.

Sweet manatee of Galilee. He's on the roof!

It's some kind of deluxe apartment in the sky. (LAUGHING) (GASPS)

Boy, that thing's big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big? No, it's what makes you you.

just fire the damn thing. Oops.

What to do, what to do? One 300-dollar hookerbot, or 300 one-dollar hookerbots? I'm gonna swim with a whale! They're the gentle giants of the deep. I'm well aware of that. Scruffy's gonna get himself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizzazz.

Huh? Bender! You tricked me! That's right, baby! I ain't your lover boy Flexo, the guy you love so much! You even love anybody pretending to be him! Well, maybe I love you so much, I love you no matter who you're pretending to be.

- So, what can I get you this evening? - Your lower horn!

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang!

Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom.

You didn't need to buy me a present, Fry. I just wanted to do something to make you happy. I mean, I miss my family but you never even had a family. It's okay. You're lonely and I'm lonely but together, we're lonely together. Merry Xmas, Leela.

Forget it. I promised myself I wouldn't pose naked until I was married. Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory. No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." FRY: Sounds fair.

Okay, it's your turn. Hey, wait a minute. Who are you? I'm the emperor. Thanks for crying me out. Oh, you're welcome. Oh!

until we suffer a fate worse than death--

(BEEPING) I didn't know this ship had a mammoth detector. You're drunk, Fry. This is the elephant detector. I just set it to "big and woolly." (BEEPING) Mammoth ahoy!

Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No! Hey, can't you see I'm using the toilet?

What's happening? All 6,000 hulls have been breached! Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls. When will they learn?

Well, great seeing you. I guess we'll be on our-- Yo, Highness.

Read the jar, Evelyn Wood. Dr. Z.

I don't know why, but when I look down at their little faces, it makes me wanna puke... in a good way.

even after I begged you not to. Aw, thanks. Now, get up to that podium and change the world. Too bad your pal Nixon lost, Bender. You must be pretty glorked off. Nope. I don't give a bag of butts who won the election. Nothing's going to change. What? How can you say that? Watch and learn.

Hang on Fry, I'm a-comin' to save you! You are my hero. Shut up, Fry, I know it.

No, we can't. Once on Earth, you will be too stupid to remember the message. That's why we wrote it down for you.

Leela! I've been so worried! Are you a bonehead? I have to tell-- must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute.

Oh, yeah? Well, take this! Oh, my. Poor Leonardo da Vinci. He sure was stupid.

Amy? But that means-- Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand.

Leela! Oh, my God, you saved my life. I am going to get you so many lizards.

You guys went obsolete years ago. Your mother. What Cartridge Unit means is, the very things that make us obsolete also make us unique. I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time!

Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven. Child, mon, is this true? Yeah. But why are you mad at us? Your dummy brigade wasted a week on an obviously fake mission.

I have golf game in half-hour, so half-hour.

- What if I've had a few? - Dad, you drink?

I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body.

The sun, the sea air, good friends... Leela's right. Fishing blows. What do you say we make it interesting? Everybody kick in five bucks. There, wasn't that interesting?

Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow? Hmm... I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension.

Where do all these child-sized beers come from?

(BIRDS SQUAWKING) (SCREAMING) So, he didn't really want to marry me? No. See, he knew you left everything to your parakeets in your will. He was going to murder you, marry your parakeets, and then poison them with an arsenic-laced cuttlebone.

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No! Fry, the box has spoken. Go to Mars.

Hold the phone. If that's Yancy, why does the inscription say "Philip J. Fry"? Wait a second. That's my name. Good Lord! He ditched his goofy name and stole mine!

This sausage is great!

Company, attack! (ALL SHOUTING) Don't fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets. (BARKING)

One, two. One, two, three.

I'm Bender. You know, the lovable rascal. Oh, yes, yes, my good friend, of course. Anyway... whoever you all are I have good news. You'll be making a delivery to Stumbos Four a planet with such high gravity, you'll most likely be crushed

Well, he lost my vote. Like one vote ever made a difference.

(BURPS) Burping eggs, scratching my underarm fungus, looking for love. Send. Underarm fungus? Too much information. It's exactly the right amount of information! For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos.

So now Leela's all crotchety because she thinks I'm not attracted to her in the Professor's body. You aren't, are you? Of course not! But I was willing to lie about it. What more can a man do? A man can give her a toke of her own medicine. Yes! I could put my mind into a hideous body and show Leela she's not attracted to me.

I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it.

I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth. So long, suckers.

Bender, do something. I'm too scared. Leela, your "scaredness" is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you. How about you? Ouch! That's going to bleed when my heart beats.

BOY: Yeah! Devo!

That's what makes it so funny!

That's all I'm programmed to do. You any good at it? You kidding? I was a stud. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees... 32 degrees... you name it. 31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What?

Please don't leave. Fry! Oh, I just knew you were still alive! I owe you ten bucks, Hermes. Hey, the most amazing thing happened. It's two-for-one Tuesday at Krispy Kreme plus, there's mermaids. Nice out-of-town folks I'd like you to meet my daughter, Umbriel. Umbriel, these are some Yankees.

My heart was broken, and like a bitter, old picklepuss, I took it out on robosexuals everywhere. I'm so ashamed! At the risk of losing this debate,

Here, Dwight. The boots only cost $299.99. You invest this penny like you wanted. Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna take this and buy five shares of Amazon.com. A risk-taker. That's my boy.

Eureka! Did you build the smelloscope? No. I remembered that I built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent. Here, I'll point it at jupiter.

Couple more of those and you'll have yourself a fish stick. Hey! A fish this fine belongs in a fish-nugget-style chunklet.

There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater. Robot Porno Theater?

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck! (EXCLAIMS) Well, here we are, alone and naked.

Now, now, this won't do. Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha! There's the problem.

A place we saw the lights turn low the jigsaw jazz aNd the get-fresh flow pulling out jives and jamboree handouts two turntables and A miCrophone bottles and cans just clap your hands Just clap your hands WheRe it's at got A washboard stomach and A microphone

You see? Observing animals yields critical scientific data. For example, that you, Sparkles the marmoset, are in fact Sparkles the human! (GASPS) Wild human! Wild human!

Hey, fellas I want you to meet my friends Bender, Fry, and Leela. You know, we're really not that interested in meeting them. Wow, I love you guys. Back in the 20th century I had all five of your albums. That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven. Cool. Can I borrow the new ones? And a couple of blank tapes?

Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them! Wow, it's too bad you can't see, Leela 'cause there's a cool ship out there shooting at somebody. - Whoa! - Whoa! I'm taking evasive action. Uh, Leela?

Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know! These bees are larger than most Buicks and twice as ugly. Larger than an American sedan? Whoo! How big is the honeycomb?

Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe. Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it! Down boy! Bad president. All right, buddy, step away from the head.

Nixon took bold action. In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING)

That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow!

Places, everyone! Okay. All set. Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not? Who wants to know? Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo! I don't get it, Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great.

I bet watchin' me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery.

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love.

And one time, pepperoni! What a day that was! Gimme the box! Scram, you lousy green snakes! Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys. Right. If they try to look in the box. Whatever.

Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"? Why, yes, I did. Bender, did you just round up our dates at the bus station? Of course not.

Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

(PANICKED CLAMORING) Where'd it go? I thought we installed alien-proof air vents! It's on my list. (SHIP POWERING DOWN) What's happening?

Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln. I was born in two hundred log cabins.

It's not always a burp. We still have one problem though. This robot will never meet emission standards. Crap Spackle! We'll just call it a sport utility robot... and classify it as a light truck. Well, I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.

Curse you, merciful Poseidon!

You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button! Oh, let's see. Any button! They all retaliate!

Yeah. I did it! I escaped! But to what kind of a life?

but my stupid hands can't keep up. Ah, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes!

(GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in.

You look like him. He wasn't neither.

All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call.

Bye, Bender. I'll miss you. Oh, go on. Get out of here before you get caught. Bender, good news. Your album just went gold. What the...?

Don't know where I don't know when But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day

What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation. Repeat customer discount, free meals 'cause I brought my own peanut butter.

Rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship. I'm watching you. You, ensign, what's your name? Hugh Man, sir! Hugh Man. Now, that's a name I can trust. Run down to the Central Battle Computer and enter these codes. Chop-chop.

I've got to stop this reverse aging... before we all shrivel up and suffer the agony of un-birth!

and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me. (PURRING) (RUMBLING) (GRUNTING)

Bad news, everyone. By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160.

Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

Daddy, Bethany's hitting me!

Tell us a story, Daddy Bender! Story, story, story! - All right, fine. Gather around. - Yea! We wanna hear this one again. "Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police.

I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure. Pawn to rook eight. I'm a tenth-level vice president.

They're not useless. They can cook ham casserole, and watch TV at incredible volume, and they generate electricity. (GASPS) That's it! (ENGINE STARTS)

Funny, funny stuff.

(SCREAMING) (GRUNTS)

Hey! Are you crazy? You almost got yourself run over. I did? Then I sure am lucky you knocked me... onto this pile of rusty bayonets. Psst! Fry, stop interfering with history! I don't want to have to memorize a lot of new kings when I get back.

There's not one thing about this place that I missed. (DOG BARKING) Seymour. I forgot about you. Oh, I missed your stinky breath so much. Maybe I do kind of miss this place. Maybe I just convinced myself I hated it 'cause I knew I could never come back.

No, it's called "parenting." Come on, dumplings. We've got 12 government stipends to collect! Yea! Our daddy's a giant toy!

No, sir. You just talked yourself out of a sale. Poor Amy. My days of joy and luck are over. Guess I got to quit that club. I can't believe our Leela's gone. You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children.

I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo!

Get that stupid chip out of me before I kill myself. Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own.

Lost control of the ship! Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

No, you shut up, we got to get out of here. (ALL SCREAMING) Yeah, baby. Come on!

What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed. Why are you trying to talk to me? I have no idea. You just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay.

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications.

Oh, I really appreciate that, Mr. Mayor's Aide. Here ya go. Compliments of the house. Wow! Free bread at a restaurant! Is there anything you can't do? I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

Good work, everyone. Honestly, that went better than I expected. I just need to reduce it down into this pickle jar, toss in a bay leaf to impress those stupid judges. Hey, where's Amy and Bender? They're missing out on some hot pickle action.

Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it!

But he gave me his jacket. Look! That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket is red. That's your jacket, an off-the-rack, lime-green affair. But Fry-- His jacket-- And when I woke up, it was on me!

Oh, honey, I dig you so much. Thank you for saving my stupidly-dressed husband. You're a hero. A hero, indeed. What's your name, son? I don't know. Fry? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to associate myself with a true hero.

Yes. And on that occasion, did you have sex with someone? May I remind you, you are still under oath. Yes.

You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso. Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie. Make it an implosion. By God, Sweet Clyde is right! An implosion might just form a black hole... that would stop more chronitons from escaping. Whoa! Slow that brain train down, Prof!

Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe. Now it's personal.

Yes. I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up. Please stand up. How can you do a spoken-word version of a rap song? He found a way.

Nevertheless, I'll bid 23 million. One jillion dollars. Sir, that's not a number. Oh. In that case... 50 million. Well, boys, your old mother knows when she's been beat.

And as a further cost-cutting measure I have eliminated the saltwater cooler. This is a witch hunt. Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day. Greetings, friends. Don't we all look nice today? Great. He's whacked out on electricity again.

Thank you, Hermes. I don't know. It seems like a lot of trouble to cut off your arm just to snake a drain. It's not just a drain snake. It comes with a set of interchangeable accessories. Jackhammer,

Little one, get out of there! I'm going to count to blarks. But elder one... Flingle, glorg, glorg-and-a-gloob...

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

That's it! I demand you fire this felonious ham!

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless.

Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up. Come over here.

honoring the year's most accomplished delivery boys. Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle.

Ta-da! We got us a reality show. No writers, no actors, no problem. Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV. Who said anything about ripping them off?

Exactly as the weather balloon foretold. Before Fry blew his pants out of the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle. (ALL GASPING) It's starting. This is the end of the world.

Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

Fry! Although... I suppose we could go for a walk on the beach. Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm actually gay.

Fish. Look! Leonard! We're light enough to keep the tapes! - Isn't that great? - I'm living in a gefilte fish jar. We did it!

Roll over. Roll over for the ham. You are so adorable. Who wants a ham? Zooka barooka! First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food! Five hundred dollars, you say?

I'll tell you how! Because you are one! (ALL GASP) (SNORING) Hey, I was watching that! The Saints just needed a field goal to tie!

surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday. Oh!

Well, I'm sure Bender's fanny is tired. As soon as this storm passes, let's be on our way. (CRACKLING) Sargaseous lighthouse, this is the S.S. Miami Muy Caliente. Thank you for your glorious beacon. It saved our lives and our Saturday night. Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

And there's the West Side Pipeway. If those guys slack off for even a second, it could explode. Hey, guys! This is my daughter, Leela. Hey. How you doing? (SCREAMING) Well, they're with the chuds now. These conditions are deplorable.

(EXCLAIMING) Mr. Peppy, bullets make you talk? That's not Mr. Peppy. Jinkies, he Scooby-Doo-ed us. Why, Major MacZongo, why? It's been 30 years since last I killed a bone vampire.

There it is Looking weird I almost had that tiara. Me, too. Well, you guys might both be losers, but I just made out with that radiator woman from the radiator planet. Fry, that's a radiator.

Gus, old chum, let's give a friendly welcome to this new robo. - What did you call me? - A robo. You know, a robot hobo. Oh, okay. I thought you said "romo." No offense intended, my filthy friend.

And now, without further ado I christen this ship Titanic. Uh-huh. oof!

Hello. I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve. Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry.

Geez, Bender, you're scaring me. You're going wacko. You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense!

My parents may be evil, but at least they're stupid.

Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take. Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut.

Like Fry, like Fry.

The deal will go ahead as-- My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis!

will you... (SCREAMS)

Don't take this the wrong way, Fry but you don't seem like the educated type. Oh, yeah? Read it and weep. I'm a certified college dropout.

Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom.

If we're going to save Bender we've got to look and act exactly like robots. I am fully operational, Captain. We'll have to walk like robots talk like robots, and if necessary solve complex differential equations like robots. I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help?

Now, that's hospital dancing. - Pretty good, eh, Calcy? - Good? I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies!

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory! Oh, my.

Everything hooked up okay?

Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

(BOTH SCREAMING) Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you?

Yeah! Make me famous, big head! Caucasian human male. What?

Bigfoot, is that you? I'm not like the others, Bigfoot. I see through your monster coating to the gentle loner inside. I bet you have a wounded raccoon friend... that you tenderly nurse back to health while you go--

Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh?

(SOFT SNARLING) (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(CAMERAS CLICKING) FEMALE REPORTER: Mr. Bender! Over here, over here! Small quote from you, Mr. Bender. Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there?

Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all. (BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming? I translated more Martian symbols. There's a way off this planet.

Good news, boss. After 10 long years, I've found the secret of robotic free will. We can finally build robots that act and think with total independence. At last. Once we give robots free will, they're sure to rise up and threaten mankind with extermination.

Every other couple has the right to marry. Robot and fembot, man and woman, man and man. Our poodle has two daddies. BENDER: Interracial, interplanetary, even ghost and horse, but not robot and human!

Oh, right. How selfish of me. We'll just stay here forever. Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender?

Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair!

I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

You need some arm candy. It's the perfect accessory for out-of-shape middle-aged creeps like you. Yeah, I said it! What's your type, Borgnine? Big and angry.

I have an important delivery for you and your dumb crew. You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this. We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened. Oh, really?

Who else but Zapp Brannigan would be judging the most chauvinistic, degrading, dehumanizing--

If you'll excuse me.

Cut! Cut it! Ech! Yuck! Look. It's all right, kid. We'll get it in editing. All right. That's a wrap, everybody.

the prisoners shall hereby be expelled from the sewers... and never allowed to return. Oh, cruel fate! Can we really never return to this dank pit of sewage? Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore? Yeah, what are you, chicken?

Incoming torpedoes! Shields at maximum yarnell! Steady, Planet Express Ship. Focus on diverting all power to the scram jets. Uh, look, Planet Express Ship, this might not be the best time,

Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry. It's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem. Exactly. Now, enough about who is and who isn't a Chinese skank. We're just two happy couples on a double date. (YOWLS)

Oh, I hope to God I'm using that word correctly. Oh, I can't do this, Hermes. Your wife's moving plea has made me realize you might have litigious survivors. Oh, thank you, Professor. Come now. Let's go try that Korean noodle place you were telling me about.

Stop them! They cheated! Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah... Hurry, Bender.

Whoo! And try this, kids at home! Is television sensation Bender a bad role model for Earth's children? That's crazy! A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!"

Okay, headless body of Agnew, let's blow this joint. Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the--

Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep.

Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure.

My old girlfriend. Old? Don't call me old. A lot of young people have false teeth. Don't worry about it, Michelle. You're just a dream. In which case, it wouldn't really be cheating on Leela if we were to... LEELA: Move it along!

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten!

My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

All right! Come on, now! What's new? Huh?

Oh, we're trapped. Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes.

I could pound your head till you think that's what happened. Okay. Wait. Hold on.

God rest ye merry gentlemen in peace. Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song.

Ow! Paper cut! (HANDCUFFS CLICKING) Hey! Hey, Earl, it's that street racing gang we've been trying to bust for years. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Guess this is your lucky day, Pimparoo. Those punks have endangered our citizens for the last time. (SIREN WAILS)

the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts. I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.

No, no! Don't say that! This is real! Not another dream!

Look, what do you want? I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

All over the dean. Hey, uh, Guenter, why don't you get up on the chandelier with your parents and I'll take a picture. Well, looks like this party's winding down. Let's take a road trip to Tijuana and get Fat-bot some action.

I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket... so my brother Yancy wouldn't get it. Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay.

(ALL CHEERING) Everybody back in their zones? - Yes sir! - Yes! Ah! My body may be old, but it is mine.

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays.

The human exhibit has never been so popular, all thanks to your friends.

I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win. Cubert and the Professor are guilty. The jury will vote to convict. I can't change that. Well, what about Leela? Is there any hope things could still work out between us?

We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right. Yes. We have to work together, not have this fight, which I was definitely winning. FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for!

Well, the way I see it--

...figured out long ago that no one's more obsessed than space captains. Oh! Ah! What are these things? Get away! The whale's nearly sucked me dry.

Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem? Not if you've lived a life without regret.

MomCorp will now purchase all outstanding shares of Planet Express... at the current market price, which is-- 107!

Commence lip identification scan. - Mm-mm-mm! - No tongue. Mm-mm!

of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Yet he was just a child. He's not a child! He's 34! All right, Koenig! I've wanted to do this for years! Bender, wait! This is our chance to escape before Melllvar comes back! But we all need to work together.

Oh! Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before!

Take that! And that! This sentence I don't understand, but take this one! You have not won yet.

Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks? Who put this in here?

And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

If, for example, you were to kill your grandfather, you'd cease to exist. But existing is basically all I do!

I'll come back and visit when I'm all grown up. - Bring beer. - No beer till you finish your tequila!

Fry? Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus--

Look at that worm go. Who says there are no more heroes?

I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it.

(OINKING) MOM: Find yourself a porcupine, blast some pig DNA into it, microwave till juicy. (DINGS) And bang! You've got a cocktail treat complete with built-in toothpicks. (CHUCKLES) Mmm! Dare I even ask what horrors are behind that door?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

We've got to go to The Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back. Oh, yes, we must. Yeah. Why? Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets. Whoa! Cool! (IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff.

According to Bender's temperature gauge which I suggest you use next time, Leela he's running a fever of... 900 degrees.

Chocolate, Mac, men. The end. Well, I've got nothing to do for the next eight million years. Therefore, I will administer a series of tests to determine the superior gender. Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive.

I can't. My fembot may be in love with another manbot. Well, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open and honest way. Yeah. Either that or be a man. Okay, I've constructed an elaborate lie.

A casino where I'm winning? That car must have killed me. I must be in heaven. A casino where I always win? That's boring. I must really be... in hell!

Okay, just file it alphabetically. A, B, C, D... Well, this requires a little extra thought.

I escaped just as the robots arrived. All right, I'm low on bullets. Everybody, scooch together.

Apparently, this brave Adonis, this Cadillac of men, was the "first person on Mars." First person on Mars? I should have been the first person on Mars! He stole my clover, he stole my name, and he stole my life. And now he broke my hand! His legend lives on!

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

That's it. I'm leaving while I still have my dignity. See you in the obituaries! (LAUGHING EVILLY) How's the, uh, containment holding up? Without turning my head, I'd say 100%.

Don't worry, Leela. Earth is still there, peaceful and serene as ever. (ALARM WAILING) (CHUCKLING)

And with that... I have closure.

What was that? Maybe we hit a space cow. Coochie, coochie! Stop it. You're mussing up my trajectory.

(BOTH GASP) AMY: They actually built the planetary ratchet from my thesis! (ALL GRUNTING)

The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived. Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies.

I think we've heard enough. Wait, I'm not finished. "O!" Now I'm finished. Your Honor, the prosecution roosts. (SQUAWKS)

(BARKING) (CRYING) I finally nailed Farnsworth. Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake. No one destroys a boy like you, Mother. Thank you, you repulsive disappointment.

This guy. The good book sayeth a robot shall not lie down with a human,

Does that mean you wouldn't send me back to Earth? Even if I prayed to you? Earth? Which way is that? I don't know.

Well, we just need one of those big ice cubes. Someone should call the losers who were supposed to deliver it.

People said I was dumb, but I proved them.

We're monsters! (BOTH SOBBING) Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs!

Yeah, well, I'm going to go build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers.

Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope. Is it a kind of hair spray? No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!

There never was a creature. Surprise. (ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) The whole adventure was just a training exercise to teach you the value of teamwork. (CHUCKLING) Hmm. I should be mad, but it worked pretty well.

It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

The second thing. (WHINES) The weekly hunt is hereby called to order. (ALL CLAMOR POLITELY) I'll drink some more to that. As always, once I release the fox, it will have a 30-minute head start before... (CRASHING) ROBOT: Stop the hunt. (SOUNDS HORN)

Look, Nibbler's caught the scent of vodka and motor oil. Go, boy. Follow that stench. I'm hallucinating this, right? No, Bender. Robot hell is quite real. Here's our brochure.

He didn't even try to second-degree murder me. Could you give me some help? I think Bender crushed my foot. Stop rubbing it in.

Leela has promised me her hand Fry, you do not understand

Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg.

I can't believe it! How'd you all end up here? We were on our way to Welshie's cousin's house to stay in the guest room... when our ship was pulled down to this planet and crashed, just like yours. When we woke up, we had these bodies. Say it in Russian.

I am a being of pure solar energy. My race inhabits the nuclear inferno of the sun's photosphere. You're a chatty little fire, aren't ya?

are more closely related to our elephants than our spiders! Don't mind us! Aah!

That's it, Brett. You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it.

I love you, Fry! No! Fry, having guessed what animal I was thinking of you shall have first choice of weapon. Uh-huh... Ah!

(CAWING) A raven's brought word for you, sir. Guys, guys! My sausage made the finals at Oktoberfest! We gotta go back for the closing ceremony! Oktoberfest?

I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time! It looks pretty authentic. You bet it's authentic. See this scratch?

Think about puppies, Bender, cute, harmless, dead puppies. Don't worry. I'll disconnect him from the printer. No, wait. I know how to save Bender from Big Caboose. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BENDER WHIMPERS) All he has to do is write his way out of this mess, and the 3-D printer will make it happen. Like how?

We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back.

Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this.

(GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked! Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction!

The old Planet Express ship! There's the black box. Captain! The bees have us surrounded! Oh, the professor was right! We're not as good as his old crew! Well, I aim to prove him wrong. It'll take more than a few deadly, deadly bees to--

The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass! Ahh. Welcome to your new life of simple tranquillity.

That's no lady. Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

(SOBBING) SINGING WIND: Stop the ceremony. Who is this non-Washington redskin? I am Singing Wind, chief of the native Martian tribe. But I thought your people abandoned this planet. We did. I just came back for my stuff.

There, see? I didn't use your toothbrush. You stole my kidney! Don't try to change the subject. Enough, you two. It just so happens that I also planted a spy camera to catch Amy using my punching bag.

I'm actually kind of proud of this one. You see, what you saw was merely a simulation I rigged up using the ship's holographic targeting projector. The alleged telescope was a toilet paper tube. You said there wasn't any toilet paper! And that humanity was annihilated!

All this firefighting is murder on my feet.

Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu.

Daddy, Bethany's hitting me! Here. - These kids yours? - Yeah. Ooh. I'm attracted to a man with responsibility. That's me, baby. Let me just ditch the kids in an alley,

Wow, you look happy. Is someone fired? Better. The Central Bureaucracy is conducting an inspection tomorrow.

(ALL SHUDDERING) (EXCLAIMING)

I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help. The Professor and Cubert are in trouble, and Leela left me. I'm in misery!

First I'll say, "You'll never guess who saw Fry and Morgan doing it." And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender."

Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

The entire surplus is gone! Oh, what a McGovern I've been! Why did I have to issue that crooked tax rebate? Eh, at least we got a few mildly interesting stories out of it. Oh, my, yes!

I'm drunk, I'm grouchy, and I'm gonna eat this peanut butter. Want to watch? Not really, but I will. Fine.

Thank you, Abraham. Not in the hair, please. I just had it did. Oh, no. These broads are supposed to wrestle for six and a half weeks, but there's only enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks. We're still getting paid, right?

Then it wasn't space banditos.

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here.

heir to the Tenth Dynasty, bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods. Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day. That is no coincidence, for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago. I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion.

Hello. I'm scared of everyones Feffernoose. What about me? Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you.

(REPORTERS CLAMORING) Scoop Chang, New New York Times online podcast blog comments editor. Mr. Mayor, isn't this e-waste dangerous? Not at all, Scoop. Not after it's hauled off to the third world by an expendable team of minimum-wage nobodies.

Plus, I threw up a lot and nobody likes spending a week with me. A week would be a little much.

Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future.

Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038. Gas was an environmental disaster anyway. Now we use alternative fuels. - Like what? - Whale oil.

Are there any left? There may be one. Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful.

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela.

There they are! Gotcha!

Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe in... El Chupanibre. El Chupanibre? What's that? Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre.

Neat. So, where we going? Pandora.

Did either of you ever stop to think about Dr. Zoidberg's feelings? No, I swear.

Nice. Listen to that baby purr.

Hey, Bender. Great new sweater. Uh, "new"? What sweater? I came in with it! I don't know you people.

Now, open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain.

My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk. No time for an injection.

They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open. Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic.

Is it part of the opera?

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery. It doesn't matter how many human females you have. Bender's on a hot streak. What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing.

Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help. Cram it, lobster. But that is a good idea. I'll go call her.

I want to go back to Robot Earth. I mean regular Earth. Hey, stop that. I command you, you jerk. Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime.

Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.

Zagtar was destroyed by the crystal space devil! LEELA: The crystal space devil was once my brother Prince Hiroshi. I mourn his loss, but what matters now is protecting Earth from that fruit armada. I see your mother, the water mutant, didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela.

Ooh, what's this? Ah, it's X-ray eye. See through anything. Wait a minute. This says "Z-ray." "Z" is just as good. In fact, it's better. It's two more than "X." Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage.

What's so wonderful about Leela being normal? The rest of us aren't normal, and that's what makes us great. Like Dr. Zoidberg. He's a weird monster who smells like he eats garbage, - and does. - Damn right! And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant.

I'll save you. Run free, sweet robo-hen. (CLUCKS)

How... How did it go? Just perfect. This time, you can describe their beautiful aroma to me. (SNIFFS) Oh! What is that horrible stench? I don't know how to tell you this, but... It's these flowers! Ew!

Another Yeti? Yes, the same jerk that once noshed on me like a shrimp toast. Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place.

Well, Leela, care to give the what-if machine a whirl? Maybe later. I mean, I don't know what to ask about. Come on, woman, just pick something. Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go.

Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves.

Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome.

(CHEERING) Bender, you di' it!

How exactly will this protect us from time jumps? 'Cause when we're together in here, baby, time will stand still. Owww.

And I said I'd try my very best. But have they seen your, you know, physique since the old days? I described it to them on the phone using a series of artful euphemisms.

I'll never tell.

I got it, Amy. I got it. The plan went off without a-- He's got aquarium property! Stop him! Better do what he says. He's a whale biologist. You're under arrest, you squishy punk! Ohh.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women.

Man, I can't wait to tell everyone what happened. Uh, yes. Incidentally, I need to remain undercover, so I'm blanking your memory. Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

Uh, wait... old spice.

Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly... - Out of the way! - I need... Move! Are there any left? There may be one.

You choked him with a chestnut last year, and he's beginning to smell a lot like Xmas, if you know what I mean.

So what's the problem? Simply get down on your claws and do the apology dance. Ya-da-da-da-da-da-da... So it's left, left, right... Wait! I have a better idea.

Calculon, you'd be fulfilling this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy. Of course I would. This top makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude? Yes! Perfect!

Well, this requires a little extra thought. I'm a natural. The information we need will be here, in the physical files. Those bastards won't know what leafed through them.

And this time I mean it!

Buy her a rose. I guarantee she'll put out. Ah, I'll take my chances. Cheers. Cheers. So, tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler? Well, ma'am, I-- What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute.

I'm not a robot! I'm not a robot!

(BOTH EXCLAIM) Hey, we're just a stone's throw from Tijuana. See? (MAN SPEAKING SPANISH) A rock has fallen here, in the outskirts of Tijuana.

Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little. It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on!

Pardon me. Excuse me. Ah, I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness. Amy, you know how, at first, you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it 'cause it always wants to hang out with you? Huh? You don't like chocolate?

Hey! That galaxy's signaling in binary! I gotta signal back! But I only know enough binary to ask where the bathroom is. - You speak English? - I do now.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today. Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.

My God! I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm...

Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes. BENDER: But... So, with all these implants, what exactly is the difference between you and a robot? I still have one thing no robot shall ever have. A good old flesh-and-blood human brain. Yes, a big, smart brain.

What the-- I fInd that offensive!

But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead. Oh, who will make Bender waffles... just the way he likes them now?

Yes! Here I come, future!

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie.

Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one! Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years. So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies. Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement.

with a big, big crown! Of course I'm not planning to steal that crown! What? True. I've always dreamed of being an emperor. You know, for Halloween, and then forever. But heisting those jewels would be difficult. You'd be stupid to try. I'll need accomplices. A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard.

We should get a picture before the tide comes in. Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

but Zapp's using Mom to get to me, and I'm going to prove it! Kif, I'm bored. What say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin? (GROANS) (COMMUNICATOR BEEPS) Well, if it isn't my second favorite Turanga girl.

- Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home.

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures?

Uh, something about poison, got it. By the way, that surgeon, where is he? You! Where's the butcher? Ma'am, I don't know, ma'am. His duffel bag arrived. (GRUNTING) It's not a duffel bag. It's my apartment! (GROANS) Hubert, meet John Zoidberg.

Only weirdos and mutants join third parties. Really? I better keep an eye out at the next meeting. What party do you belong to, Bender? Eh, I'm not allowed to vote. 'Cause you're a robot? No. Convicted felon.

(DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item. A certain sensitive part of my anatomy.

Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Now that's a nice rose. So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's whatever-you-were- talking-about for you. Mind if we sit with you? Uh, hey. Why the hell would I? We're all guys here.

Hey, hey, hey! I got me a souvenir. Aw, here you go, kid. I'd like a jumbo squid log, please.

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

Come on, I'll show you the lab. This is Colossus, the beanstalk project. Ordinary beans are a magical fruit, but they're tiny and pathetic. So we spliced elephant DNA into their chromosomes for added heft. (TRUMPETS)

Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to robot hell... for all eternity. Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right. You can say that here.

Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

Um... It's between one and three. Four! Between one and three. Not including one or three. "M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M."

One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8!

Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

Hey! What the...

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boob--

Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts! Hooray for the humans!

and helped you get your online doctorate in Rodeo Studies. (STUTTERING) Rodeo Studies? We did it out of love for you, Floyd.

Any button! They all retaliate!

This is so beautiful! Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted, but my parents said I had too many ponies already! Yes. I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC.

Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Let's watch. FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead, because I'm going to shoot you in it! Not if I leap in front of your death ray, and I am going to do that. Jumping sound! Ow! I didn't shoot yet. As usual, your delivery arrived too soon.

Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists. You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag and you're out of luck She's a-wavin' proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again

Undercover pursuit in progress... baby.

and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis, back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button.

Oh, and bring my toboggan.

You lived before you met me? Sure. Lots of people did. Really?

I shall take it here, under my fork. (EXCLAIMING SOFTLY) (ALL SHUDDERING)

Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader. She decide men's fates. Is she hot? That not important. She all-knowing. In other words, no. Ohh!

Have you seen today's news? "High School Gym Renovations On Schedule"? - What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured."

(GRUNTING) I think they want wives, so just play along. If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks. I can earn my own rocks. Also, I don't want any rocks.

Well, wait a second. Leela's not here yet. She left a while ago. She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday. Oh, no, I'm late! Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch.

Mercy! I do believe I'm gettin' the vapors.

(IMITATING EROTIC MUSIC)

Oh, what's the point? Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone?

Pancakes and sausage.

Wait. One more bite before we begin the begetting. Mmm. Juicy. Those nut berries you found were so salty, I couldn't think straight.

And just in time to screw up this picture I took.

My ass has blisters from the slide

If you're thinkin' of crossing the line with Bender, you can forget it. Bender don't bend that way. Hey, look. It's another Lucy Liubot. I am Lucy Liu. Give me your spines. Hey, what the--

Come over here.

It keeps the heads alive, but we don't know how. Why did it give us those hallucinations? Because it didn't! Yeah-uh. Opal has unusual temporal properties. It preserves each head in a time stasis bubble.

Eww! It's time to take action.

(CHUCKLING) Did you see his face when I said he so ugly? No, I blacked out, 'cause he so ugly!

I think this chart will answer that.

Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock. - Can I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow? - Nah. I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood.

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What?

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie.

and maybe pick up those potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday. Those were toenail clippings. A feast is a feast. Hey, that's my cell phone. Hello?

Well, what have I got to lose? I'm making you my new campaign manager. You, out! You haven't heard the last of... (LINDA READING) As the Iowa caucus approaches,

Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS)

(CHUCKLES) (STRUGGLING)

Look, pal, you've only got one set of clothes and you're not taking them off while I'm here.

What are you doing here, Sean? I was on vacation. Repeat customer discount, free meals 'cause I brought my own peanut butter. Whole trip cost less than 600 bucks. But this is a private resort for only two people at a time.

I don't know, 80 million? Okay. I love you, too. That was Ndnd. She's taking me back! (ALL CHEERING) I'm sorry I've been so difficult.

The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit. Thee will be done.

Stomach contents: one deviled egg. Deviled egg? The same deviled egg.

Says the only human whose opinion I even remotely respect. Inspector 5, the best inspector a kid could want. The day I was built, he looked me over, probably with tears of pride in his eyes, and proclaimed to all the world, by means of this scrap of paper,

- Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

No, that won't restore everyone, either.

Fweeble its fwooby pwow. ALL: Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. Pet it. No, no! Pet it. Pet it. (SNEEZES) ALL: Pet it. Pet it. (MEOWING)

You said you would conquer a planet today, but you have not even shed your skin yet. Yes, Ndnd. I heard you the first hundred times. I'll conquer something tomorrow after I fuel up on one of your disgusting egg-white omelets. You want yolks? Fine! Enjoy your stroke.

He left my legs visible in the painting as a clue, then dispatched me hither to await his shadow society of intellectuals. Hi, Animatronio. You personally knew da Vinci? (SHRIEKS) Was he nice? How did his hair smell?

And now, technology shall taste the lash of the hickory switch!

A dollar a dozen. You'll never make money that way. You supply them to me and I'll sell them for two bucks a dozen at my restaurants. I'll even pay you a dollar a dozen. Yes! I'm going to be rich! You, too, but it's hard to get excited about that. How do we sign?

- So they're tryin' to learn things? - Right. Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will. I'm as mad as I've ever been! Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe.

Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.

Will it work on my TV?

Valentine's Day is coming. Oh, crap. I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date why don't we-- You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date? Shall we say 8:00?

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

We can sleep at my parents' house. I'll just buzz and let them know we're here. (BUZZING) Mom, Dad, I'm sure you remember Fry, Leela, Bender, and of course my Fonfon Ru, Amy.

Calculon? Yes? Are you done talking, or is this a long pause? I'm done talking. Okay, that's what I thought.

Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself? Oh, loosen up, Amy.

Watch it! Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful. Do you think a space-age dame like her would ever marry a two-bit low-life delivery boy like me, and also I have bad posture and severe financial problems? Have you tried getting her pregnant? Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant.

Oh, I've never been more sure I was right to deny you free will. Damn you! - (SOBBING) - (LAUGHING) Now, now, we can't have this, can we? Here, I'll show you how it works.

Truly a great man. Look at him up there.

I beat you with a pool cue till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as-- My bones! Oh, my God! His bone-itis!

Ohhh! Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonight. Across the galaxy, my people are completing the mighty space fleet... that will exterminate the human race! But first, this news from Tinseltown.

Feast your eyes on this!

Survived a heart attack? Damn you, Obama-care!

Male, filthy hand, violent temper. Accepted again! No!

Wh-Wh-Whoa! Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

Yeah. You know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you.

We will raise your planet's temperature by one million degrees a day for five days unless we see McNeal at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow. 8:00 central.

(GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one.

Forget the Pope, my friend. Smoke one of these, and God himself will ask to be seated far away from you. Ooh! Heirloom eggs? That's so life-affirming. I'll bet you run your own hatchery, just you and your wife, Matilda.

"You a big dummy, Einstein! Get a haircut!" (RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Oh, wow! I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are! What are all these pagey things?

No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie.

With all due respect, Your Majesty, I'm a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo. Go ahead, ask me something only a robot would know. A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. What is the square root of nine? Uh, hold on, let me just get out a pencil.

A single bone vampire, left alone with some quiet music and some bone vampire porn, could produce dozens of deadly offspring. That lucky bastard. I say kill it! But it loves me, and I love it! Kill them both! Killing them seems like a hassle.

I got the most followers 'cause I give the people what they want.

Now that's one Bible that doesn't disappoint on every page. Looks like society's runnin' pretty well without my meddling-- D-Doh! Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside... must have found my nuclear pile!

Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.

Yep. Drops down to minus 173. Fahrenheit or Celsius? First one, than the other. And them space suits ain't' a-heated so you ain't going nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters, you hear?

Now, how long will it take to build? It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this complex might take months or even-- Ah. There we are. One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so--

BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender... (BOTH PANTING) I got the steering wheel. (BOTH WHOOPING) Leela and Amy! A winning combination. Yay, Lamey!

Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you.

Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency. My God! I'm overcome with... feelings.

(VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

Ooh! What's got into him? He's twitching like Zoidberg when someone mentions the word "food." What now? No! Nibbler, come back! Too bad Nibbler's not around.

So now I'm in the gutter,

A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire.

I feel funny-- ha-ha funny.

Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you! He'll do it. He's crazy. Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up? Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears. Well, I do owe you for giving me this unholy... acting talent!

I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate somewhere beyond the most distant thing ever observed with a telescope. She always liked not being observed with a telescope. (ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head!

You're right. I'm sorry. I guess the relationship isn't going to work out. So much for the Cyclops race. I thought it was a pretty good race but... Okay, okay. I'll do the dishes. Hey, where'd they go?

May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans. "To us. "If I could make one moment last forever, "this is the one I would choose." I'm glad you did. It was a good life.

Interesting side note: As a head without a body, I envy the dead. No argument here. Bender, how did the fight go? I heard somebody got flattened. Fry, where's your brain slug?

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam?

I do. But our fungineers think it might have happened something like this. We're whalers on the Moon We carry a harpoon But there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales And sing a whaling tune. That's not how it happened.

It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah!

Ow! Hey, watch it!

Gross! Go, man, go! Watch for any subtle irregularity in Fry's bowel. - Ooh! - Wow! It's gorgeous. That place used to be a big dump.

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Incredible! According to the gizmometer, Fry touched the royal jelly in the space hive,

- (TRUMPETS) - (ALL GASP) Prairie elephant! Adorable prairie elephant!

He doesn't know about Santa Claus. I know about Santa Claus.

Once my species passes on its genes, it dies. You mean you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death? Yes. Tough call. Well, it was nice of you to let me reattach your arm, Fry.

You'll be fine.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING) Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings! Kings? Silence! Like you, I'm a common lout.

And so ends the chronicle of one of the greatest ever to play the sport. An-and he didn't look half-bad in a tutu. That he did surely not. What?

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said,

Interesting. No, wait. The other thing-- tedious. Let's go check it out. You can see how I lived before I met you. You lived before you met me?

Several years ago, I tried to log on to AOL, and it just went through.

Poop. Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.

Well, this is it. Home, stream home. No, it isn't! I was born in the next stream up. You're from Next Stream Up? So am I!

I'm back, baby. Behold! The sacred, ancestral birthing grounds of my family.

Yo, screws, more Tegrin over here. Oh-hoo, what's this?

All right, let's get this party ended.

That's not something I would know. Oh, yeah. Your turn. Um, what color is my shirt? If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum. Good point. Oh, never mind this. In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush. Thanks for telling me, buddy.

Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

I still got the moves. Zoidberg, lower the door another inch. just go on through and hit the release you hot dog. Yes, dear. That's my man. Yeah, Hermes! Uh, can somebody help me up?

You're opening a retirement account for six dollars? I'm sure a wealthy-- -- mule farmer like yourself... is aware that we charge a ten dollar monthly fee. You gotta spend money to make money. Here you are, sir. Your account is now overdrawn by four dollars.

Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up. But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage?

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch. Come on, stem cells, work your astounding scientific nonsense.

Sincerely, Zoidberg." Oh, isn't that nice he took the time? What's that scribble-di-gook? This is a fan letter from my rich doctor nephew,

so I'll just let Fry blurt it out thoughtlessly. We don't work for you anymore! What? Dwight and Cubert made us a better offer. We're paperboys now. Incoming! We got papers to stuff, team. Hup, two, hup, two. Yes, sir. We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth.

(HUMMING) ALL: Ow!

All this time, we thought he was a powerful super-being. Yet he was just a child.

You look great. But even if genetic engineering feeds the hungry and cures some giant guy, that doesn't make it right. We have no idea what the long-term effects will be. And once that genie is out of the bottle... I can cure you, too. Okay, I'm in.

(METAL CLANGS) ZAPP: Captain's log. We've lost control.

Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong. Fly away. Fly away, my pretties. (SQUAWKS)

but it's been completely destroyed. Why is that good news? They paid in advance.

You are so adorable. Who wants a ham? Zooka barooka! First prize is $500 and a year's supply of dog food!

Well, nice talkin' to ya. Same here. You guys are all right. Here's somethin' for your trouble.

FEMALE VOICE: Locating. Locating. MALE VOICE: Located. (SIREN WAILING)

According to this ancient "read me" file your only hope is to destroy the original were-car. I'm with you. In its death throes the dread car will beam out the virus's uninstall program thus, ridding you of the curse.

Good thing Gedgie won. My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years.

(BEAT BOXING) He steps forwards but moves backwards. By the gods! He is a machine!

I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that. His power supply is shut. He's flatlining! (BEEPING) Only one thing can keep him alive.

Go away. Whoa, hold on.

I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards. Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp. A shrimp? I find it a bit hard to believe that... Ah, ha!

Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow. Come here, Adam. Partake of my forbidden fruit.

I wouldn't want to be me right now. Now, go! Go! Uh... could one of you just... aw, forget it. I'll just sleep here. There!

Let me switch off this weird light. Ow! Fry, it's 2:00 a.m. What are you doing here glowing on my skanks? Just sitting here turning quarters into urine. We don't got to put up with this. We got Poli Sci degrees.

Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye I am Bender Please insert girder

You're on, skinny. Sorry, guys. You know the rules. No fun allowed. Come on, you pansy! I'm thirsty! I want me some Tennessee loopy juice! And I want loose women! The kind that aren't afraid to show a little ankle. (WHISPERING) Or elbow. No visitors. I'll lose my job.

Oh, no, it's the cyclops. Don't look. Don't look! I'm not looking. This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup.

Leela, we're off to Mars. We'll see ourselves out. Wait, I did it. I got Leela a ticket. (GASPS) How did you do that? Ah-ah-ah. A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o.

Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones.

ALL CHANTING: One zero zero one. Amen. Bits to live by. I'm finally at peace. Today, we shall welcome our newest initiate, brother Bender. Let us know what is in his mind. Nothing. His free will slot is empty.

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks. MAN: And now, the unrelated conclusion.

In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges. Oh, foo! Come, Kiff we've got work to do. I'll call and tell you about it.

(CHUCKLING) (GRUNTING)

Who wants a delicious unshelled nut? Ooh, I'll have one. It's "nut" so good.

Mr. Fry, Mama tells us you're quite the oddity. A bachelor at your age. You think I'm an oddity? Wait till you see-- Presenting the most eligible landowner in all Hartfordshire, Mr. Brainley. I'm a gigantic brain! I say! Most ungentleman-like!

to tell you of the many ways I love you. Oh, my! Is there a doctor in-- I came as soon as I could.

This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find.

Apology accepted. After all, you're only human. You guys could learn a lesson from those two. She's right. You're my best friend, Fry. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

You old lunatic! How ya been? Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup! Ahhh! Yeah, I'm doin' okay too. I'm takin' a Chinese cooking class at the Learning Annex. Cool. C-Can you give me a hand here? Sure thing, pal.

That's right! We want some money! Wait, what's this about Fry? He's a nice guy but we think it's about time he got his own place. Oh, fuff.

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.

Please, use mine. I just need it in case, uh... Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey. And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it... Whoopsie! (GRUNTING) Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother. Not now!

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then.

Oh, don't worry, son. You will.

The future. Whoa, whoa, girl.

And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector. You monsters have been eating our babies.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

(GROANS) You're always getting frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man. Bender, you're not a folk singer just 'cause you have a guitar. And a flannel shirt. I claim I won it in a knife fight at J. Crew. It must be interesting to win a knife fight. I wouldn't know.

He wears sandals. Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent. You'll be fine.

Well, that was an utter waste of time. Professor, it worked! You look young enough to be my father!

Until she sneaks out. When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located...

Dream on, woman. I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river and hurl the river into space but I do like filling out requisitions and these were some doozies. Great jah's dreadlocks! There's been a mix-up. This isn't a pet license, it's a fishing license! And it's mandatory!

The Vegas odds tonight stand at an unprecedented 1,000:0. A bet of zero dollars on Bender pays $1,000 if he wins. Still, very few takers. It's not-not a smart bet. According to the script,

Name? Cosmic Y. Style? Uh, deep space. Deep space? Special moves? The space walk. Hey! The robot. The robot? That's similar to mine! The Zero "G." What are you doing? You totally ripped off my routine.

Wake up! Wake up! Well, that's it. I'm afraid traditional medicine has failed. No! I refuse to give up! Wake up, Leela! I love you!

That's right. I'm a polygamist. Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope... to hoist a flag made of my own skin, if it would protect the freedoms... of the proud people who salute that flag.

Wow! It's that obscure underground song that's constantly playing everywhere. Hello, dearies. Welcome to the Mom Store. The new eyePhones are in short supply, so please form an orderly... - Out of the way! - I need... Move!

Oh, bother! What have they done now? Those pork dumplings sent us on a fake pizza delivery! The address was on Dog Doo Eight, but the universe ends right after Dog Doo Seven.

Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. Such a mild insult. That's not my Hermes. Speaking of, what happened to your cut-off body parts, anyhow? Right here. I was going to donate them to the Salvation Air Force, but they're starting to rot.

Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it?

Oh! I never felt so empty inside. Bender, I'm alive! You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you. Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard!

Careful. This is the most valuable thing we've ever delivered.

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.

I'm Nurse Ratchet. Please come with me, won't you? We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer?

What the hell's been going on around here?

(BELL TINKLING)

Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested.

Well, that's exactly what I wanted, I guess. Who are you? I am Mr. Pinucci. You are? Did-Did you grow a mustache since last night? No. Now, go work the currency register. I think I hear a customer coming. I said, "I think I hear a customer coming."

Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill?

I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham. And not the kind you hope for when you're stranded on a desert island. My life is ruined.

Stop him! He crowned me in the knickers and nicked me crown.

I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

You lie down and go off-line for a while. All right. Caught you! I saw you looking at the atom. So? I look at lots of atoms.

It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all. Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass. Walt! How are we disposing of these crap gifts they brought me?!

Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake. And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it. So it's a cake you want, is it? I'll make you a cake you'll never forget.

Okay, I'm a freak with a singing butt boil, but I'm still a human being, more or less. Singing butts boil? That's yesterdays's news. Like that giant caterpillar what ate Jared from Subway. Nows us Internet geeks gots a whole new video sensation.

In that case... let the dancing begin! Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

Okay, Bender, you're mortal. And, okay, Inspector 5 screwed up. But that just makes the time you have left all the more precious. Do you really want to waste the rest of your life in a bitter, homicidal rage?

It's creepy here. This is the worst part-- the calm before the battle. And then the battle's not so bad? Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die.

Man! I'm sore all over! I feel like I just went 10 rounds with mighty Thor. I feel like I was mauled by jesus.

I don't hear A word they're saying only the echoes of my mind people stop and stare

Belligerent and numerous.

Am I cracking up or is Fry's living here starting to get in the way of bus-- What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift.

Wait, I'll save us... by cutting the unbreakable diamond filament. Well, at least I'll die with my friends. Hello?

Leela, perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me in case one of us doesn't come back. Maybe we should wait till afterwards... in case neither of us comes back.

Where do you think you're going, No-cat? The basement. I think I left the air hockey table on. Without a cat, you ain't going nowhere. Can you at least tell us what's going on down there? We're certainly not building something sinister,

More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor,

Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole. It's possible she's still alive in another dimension somewhere.

Oh! If only I could read lips. ¿Comprende, Bender? You'll have to distract her. Merge your programming with hers while I shut down her brain. It's too risky! I'm a very meek individual. If her personality engulfs mine, the Bender you know and worship could disappear forever. I'm willing to take that risk.

Prosecutor, your opening statement? Yeah, honey, I'll be home for dinner. The prosecution rests, Your Honor. Very well.

Oh, I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes? Yeah, but the rents are outrageous. Why don't you just come move in with me?

Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck.

How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it.

Man, it's hot. How hot is it? It's so hot, I poured McDonald's coffee in my lap to cool off. johnny Carson said it.

Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves. Well, well. If it isn't our little munchkin moguls. Would you ju-- What's the trouble, men? Need some penny rolls for your profits?

Ah, booze money. I remember my body.

All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one. And I never told him so. Farewell from the world of tomorrow!

winner of five Olympic medals, Coilette from Robonia!

You know, Kif, once my woman returns I won't have much time to hang out with the boys anymore. That's a shame, sir. So let's make the most of our time together shall we? Never mind. just give me a back rub. I found a pair of "hermaphlamingos."

Well, I may not have brain smarts, but at least I have street smarts.

If you want to do something, you do it and just spleck with the consequences. You know, like how I live every day. Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken.

Like a cheap French harlot. French? Say, dollface, how'd you like to make time with a real man?

(ALARM BLARING) Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Elder abuse! Go it! Fastly! (ENGINE CRANKING) It won't start. The batteries are dead.

carry the seven... got it!

No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you! Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker.

By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop--

And now, to raise this beautiful new flag, a red lobster that won't ruin your dinner, Dr. John Zoidberg! You're a nice man, Nixon.

So, you grow hemp. Yes. And you do what with it? All manner of things. Manufacture paper, fabric, rope... Oh. Well, nice talking to you. Why, I used to smoke about four feet of rope a day. Let me give you my pager number.

The pursuit of knowledge is hopeless and eternal. Hooray! (ALL CHEERING)

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, puny human number two, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Hello, Morbo. How's the family?

To the torture cave!

Ow! Aah! Damn you! Doh!

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING)

I ask for rich guy stuff, and you give me shiny pebbles? Bah! I bid you adieu.

No. No, I don't like the font. Wait!

I can't. I'm stuck in the can. Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out. Never! Why can't you accept his help? I hate him! But he's just a tool to make your life easier, like a socket wrench or a burglar's kit.

Bender, you're three hours late. You can't give up on your training now after both of us worked so hard. What do you mean, "we"? I said "us."

Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia!

Those bastards! Being brains, they feel compelled to know everything. And soon, they will.

Oh-ho! Oh. So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

(SIREN WAILING) Ow! Suing! Ow!

Right on, Professor Freaksworth. Get a job! We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires. Whoa!

I'm sorry, Daddy. You got nothing to be sorry about. He's really a very good father.

Fry, you're my friend.

- Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing! I already did. So, Leela, do you want to be like us? Or do you want to be like Adlai, with no severe mental or social problems whatsoever?

Get off! Get off!

Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me.

Leela! My precious rock dove! I'll save you! Aah! Everyone, to the fire door! It's on fire! We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

It's out again. What? That's the last straw. It's back on!

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial.

Now, hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger. Forty thousand? How come you have four times as much stock as the rest of us? Scruffy believes in this company.

What are you doing, darling? Get down!

I am so great. Bender is great Bender, Bender, Bender Man, where'd the time go? Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him. I can't. I love every living creature. Even me? As a friend. Damn.

Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab.

Stay away from my babies! The birthing is complete.- All right! - Oh, thank goodness. - I will now take my leave.

Don't worry. By tomorrow, no one will remember. Can I have another hug? No. SUSAN: Hold your nose and give it a go.

Good night, dumb prince. Come back, Lrrr! I want to have your popplers! There'll never be anyone but you! Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun.

(STRUGGLING) (CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender. I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods!

File not found.

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

This is the brass ring, fellas. Planet Spheron One. Cool effect!

I'm not sure if it's safe to talk. Are you wearing a wire? I'm 40% wire. Excellent. Now, listen. We got to get some dirt on this Travers guy. Really McGovern him up.

You're goin' down, my friend! Down under!

No one asks me to help move their stuff. I don't need to understand today's edgy TV sitcoms. Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence. Get him! My thong!

My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg! Stop! Zoidberg, you'll hurt Francis!

Wow. Um... can I have cuts? Hmm... mm... no.

I... am... Destructor! See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight," and that's the story.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Dearly beloved actors... and casting people who might be looking for someone to play a preacher, I welcome you!

I've been perusing your fortified wine list and I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight,

I'm Philip J. Fry! He stole my name after I got frozen! Shut up, friends! My Internet browser heard us saying the word "Fry"... and it found a movie about Philip J. Fry for us. It also opened my calendar to Friday... and ordered me some French fries.

Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? BENDER: The year 10,000.

Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws." Now, that's humorous. Today's comedians could learn from this card.

So it's back to hell for me. Come on, Nixon! Huh?

On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again. There, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat.

You should say something else.

What Orange-Hair doing with Homo sapien? Uh, look like interbreeding. Ow! Ahh! You want make love, not war? Jawohl.

foRget about me don't, don't, don't, don't don't you forget about me will you reCognize me

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Yeah. Is he your friend, too? No. Aah! This is not happening.

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Ugh, who buys this trash? Idiots who need gifts for other idiots. Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh.

but up here, I'm above the law. (GUFFAWS) Nice pun, Mother.

(SCREAMING) Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help!

Pretty, though.

Liftoff! I'll roger that. Does anybody else feel aroused and jealous and worried? I haven't felt much of anything since my guinea pig died.

I'm going to do it! I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh...

The dominant male, or "beachmaster," maintains a harem of up to 50 females. Okay, harem, let's get to it. Form an orderly heap on top of me. I like mating with Beachmaster 'cause he's the largest.

(SHRIEKING) Oh, all right.

I'll never remember that.

Hey, Fry, we've still got our costumes on. - Wanna steal some more stuff? - I guess. As long as you think it's right. Superheroes away!

Safety kills. We got to move! (CLAMORING CONTINUES) Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Oh, what's the point of fleeing? Even if we escape from those creatures, we'll still be stuck in this dimension till we starve.

(GROANS) Oh, Delivery-Boy Man! You saved me by random chance! Don't thank random chance. Thank my meteor-wishing power, with your lips.

(EXAGGERATED GASP) (GRUNTS) You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work. Fry-- I'm doing my job-- There's Amy. I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine-- There's Amy. I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy-- There's Amy. I think you're overreacting. Am I? Am I?!

Oh, it's so unfair! I have eight other senses, but I'd trade them all, even "smision," to be able to taste.

Dad? I thought you were all Zen with Mom getting remarried. I was at first. But then I conquered my inner peace. If you care about something, you've got to take action. Harsh, violent action! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Kif, get us out of here.

We're both expressible as the sum of two cubes. Whoo!

But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah!

All right. That's a wrap, everybody. I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is? Well, editing is a long and expensive process, but we spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday.

What are you talking about? They ate me alive out there. Yes, but your body stayed on message and that message is, "Look at my shiny new body." The robots ate it up. You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe!

Exquisite choices, sir.

All right, Greeting Card, I'll grab the cash you wreck up the place and... huh?! You! Bending unit! Mommy needs that bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch up and get it for me. Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel and loot I shall. Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne.

Release the giant sloth! (GROWLING) (SCREAMING)

You should've checked the wording in the fine Print I'll give you my hand - In marriage - In marriage The use of words expressing something other

What day is today? It's Leela's birthday Please stop. What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing.

The only machine I'll ever miss is Bender. Say what? Now that he's gone, I realize how valuable a robot life can be, when it belongs to my best friend. That's the closest thing to "Bender is great"

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves...

Hey, uh, where's my suitcase? Oh! As mayor of New New York it's my pleasure to introduce the honorary captain for the Titanic's maiden voyage. A man who single-handedly defeated the Retiree people of the Assisted-Living Nebula--

It's crunch time. Let's do this.

Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure. Eww!

Bad news, everyone! You're not good enough to go on your next mission.

Hail Atlanta! "The Magician"? Whoa-whoa-whoa! Wouldn't it take millions of years to evolve into mermaids? Normally, yes.

(CRYING SOFTLY) Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Also, good news, everyone! We have a delivery to the Robot Homeworld.

Wheee! Ooh! Ahh! Ooh! Wah! Ahhh!

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best. If I'd wanted a human Adonis for a husband, I'd have stayed married to Barbados Slim.

It was summoning a saucer. Of course it wanted a saucer, you idiot. A saucer of dewicious cweam. You fool, this isn't about the cream! It's pwonounced "cweam"! I'm petting mine down to the bone.

That he will not, for you see, it is your fate to kill him. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Says you. I would never kill Fry, not even to save my own life. But, Bender, isn't a robot life worth ever so much more than a human life?

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh!

And what about Amy? Always prancing around in those stupid marmoset pajamas. Hey!

I wish I could, but he's got tenure. Eww!

Bring it on, baby! Come on. Come on! Kill me already. By the way, my name's Bender.

Uh, h-hey! I have an idea. Let's all go out for ice cream. Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee. I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

Now we sealed in under sky of ice. So my sadness makes perfect sense. And I do have vague memories of people refusing to breed with me! (CAWING)

Darth It-head. Company, attack! (ALL SHOUTING) Don't fire until you see the greens of their eyes! It saves on bullets.

Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'? You people look like you're waitin' for the bus. Oh, Danny boy

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs! Why not? If people learn they can overclock their old robots, they won't buy my new robots! This will not stand!

Does anyone else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself?

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with.

They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did? Ah, so that's why this was unguarded. People of New New York, this is Surgeon General Ogden Wernstrom. Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun,

Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

Oww! Oww! Oww! And the winner is number four, Steven! Ohh! I am so unlucky. I've run over black cats that were luckier than me. Get your pipin' hot horseburgers,

Uh, Your Majesty I brought the prisoners. Well, my curious friends, you learned the secret of Slurm. That concludes the portion of the tour where you stay alive. You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah!

and as a precaution, I made you incapable of picking up the free will unit. You precognizant bastard. I may not have free will, but I can still shoot you. (STRAINING) Why can't I shoot you? (LAUGHING) Poor deterministic Bender.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! This mob's with me. Go ahead. Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with--

The damned good-looking. Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral. I'll always remember you, Hamenthotep! To equip Pharaoh for his journey, we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver...

I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo! Well, now you know-- I'm not actually rich. I'm a fraud, a poor, lazy, sexy fraud.

Help me, help me! I'm too lazy to escape! (GASPS) (BURPING) (CHUCKLING) (SCREAMING) (TINY THUD) Ow!

Oh, Xmas tree, oh, Xmas tree Ba-boo-be-boo, bah-be-boh...

Futurama is brought to you by...

No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk? Grabbing your spaceship was not okay. I lost my cool, and I'm sorry.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Ohh! That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!

Psst! Fry, take a dive! Claw Plock, Claw Plock, Claw Plock! My fellow fish monsters,

(BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth!

Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios. Fox uses those searchlights to blind pilots, then film the resulting plane crashes. Neat. Ahead, you'll see the home of Mel Gibson,

Still... can't... reach. Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

What-- Ooh. Snacks. Hey, that's my brain! Man. Them crackers cut my mouth up somethin' bad. Let's stop off for a malt.

That's the dumbest question I ever heard. - She's right! - No doubt about it! - Daylight come. Comin' through. Watch your head. Help! I'm under attack! Remember your manners, kids. Forks go in the left pocket, spoons in the right.

Hermes, old pal. Old pal? 8.5 seconds ago, you said you hated me.

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY? Doesn't ring a bell.

(GROANS) Help! Police! Send.

Don't worry, Leela. Soon, we'll be able to look back on this and laugh.

Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING)

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do.

"Plan"? What plan? I thought this was a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry sex. Look, it started out as a calculated plot to rummage through your underwear but once I got in there, I found more. much more! And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops.

His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane.

Oh, no, you don't!

(LAUGHS EVILLY) Looks like an all-you-can-kill lobster fest! That offer was for a limited time only. (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) My clamps!

Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard! Bang, bang, bang. You sure got this life thing figured out, cymbal-bangin' monkey. Hi, Bender. We know how much you miss technology, so we brought you this washing machine that drifted ashore.

Because unlike you, I'm cool. I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping. But you wouldn't understand. I understand I can still outdrive your saggy ass, even in this clunker. (ALL EXCLAIMING) That one-eyed housewife called you out!

Stupid senior citizens. Why should we have to pay for their Social Security benefits?

What?! You all know the rules. Whichever house wins the regatta becomes head of the Greek Council and should that house

with all the other things that have failed to arouse my passion for this woman. Remove pants! Wait, listen. I'm usually the first guy to toot my own lower horn-- I'll say. Whoo! But in this case, I just don't think it's gonna do any good.

(ALL SCREAMING) Oh no! The kajigger of Gibraltar!

Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down. Brain! Brain make people dumb. No, Leela. Brain make people smart.

Once upon a time, there was a, uh... Princess? Yes! That! (ALL EXCLAIMING) A one-eyed princess in a long, flowing tank top.

Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed. Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn. Anyone want butter on that? Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game.

I'd like a jumbo squid log, please. We don't sell those. All right, all right. Let me have one of your young on a roll. We're out of rolls. Fine. just give me something crawling with parasites.

Whoa! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah!

Wow. The most humdrum activities seem almost exciting through your eyes. What should we do next? I wanna see the edge of the universe.

The jury is instructed to disregard its own testimony. Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

(EXCLAIMING) Where's the exploding? One does not explode in Mrs. Astor's face. I couldn't eat another bite. Hobsie? (ALL BARKING) (EXPLOSION) Well done, sir. Have you a name?

We'll be talking with General Extermulo, who will crush the human race under his boot unless his demands are met immediately! But first, celebrity buzz. Linda? (LAUGHS) It has now been one year since the death of Calculon,

I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby!

With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

If robosexual marriage becomes legal, imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me.

Like one vote ever made a difference. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to inch myself over to the phone and call the police.

We need to talk. Alone. Okay, Hermes. Sure. Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough.

Ahh! Whew! Oh, Chief, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! Ow! You know, if you still want your land, we could just trade back for it.

Hmm. At least hot dogs haven't changed. Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn? Oh, I'll have some. Oh, yeah. Popcorn. Anyone want butter on that?

Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy.

But the antennas are really for my universal robot controller. So they do whatever you want? No wonder you love Mother's Day. I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! It brings back awful memories. But so help me, this year everyone will hate it as much as I do.

Hey, just 'cause he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you get him all to yourself. He's mine! There's nothing more to talk about. No, no, keep talking. Amy, I hope I'm not out of line, but... Shut up, Kif. How dare you talk that way to my Kif?

(ALL GASP) I tried to warn you.

Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert. Let him go and stooge the hell out of here.

We're saved. Yeah, but this garbage ball's unstoppable now. New New York is done for. All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget.

It seems someone in this room is a murderer. (BOTH GASP) It's me. But the real question is, which of you is the victim? And that secret I shall take to my grave.

Phil, it's your father. Where are you? You're holding up New Year's brunch. Your brother can't wait any longer.

Pity me not, for I am richened by the love of my family. What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm! Ugh! Gag unto me with a spoon.

Attention, McNeal. We are reasonably satisfied with the events we have seen. Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great. As a result, we will not destroy your planet but neither will we provide you with our recipe for immortality.

Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

I don't have time for this shazbot. You're getting heroed, whether you like it or...

Uh, sorry, Bender. That's just a phone booth. Oh. What were they used for? In New York? Bathrooms. Oh. I-i'll be out in a sec.

Bender! What's going on in here? Planet Express Ship! Cover your shame. Oh! It-it's not what it looks like. Bender was just helping me zip up my turbine. Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but-- How can you date a ship, anyway?

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

YANCY JR.: Ew. I've had worse. When I was shot down over Korea, I had to eat Kimchi. He was our interpreter. (BELL ON DOOR DINGS) (BELL RINGING)

Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel.

Where is the real female? I'll get her For you. I realize this may hurt our chances of consummating our relationship again. Go consummate yourself. Stop talking! You're getting cold! Please! I just paid off my car!

The Mets win! This is the happiest day of my life! Here's your baby, ma'am. Yeah, okay, thanks. So, what shall we name him? Ehh, You pick. I picked dinner last night. I was thinkin' of Philip, after those screwdrivers. That's a fantastic idea. More morphine, please.

Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

This is where I keep various lengths of wire.

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick.

Let's go already!

(SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car. But why did you have to blast us with that deafening music? What, you mean the key fob? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ALL: Ahhh!

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

BOTH: Action Delivery Force star hero rocket engage!

Oh, what's the point?

Hey, Leela. I guess I got this for ya. Oh. Thank you. You know what, Fry? I don't care... if you're not the most important person in the universe. It really makes me happy to see you right now.

with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of milk-- Behold! The milk has vanished! Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension! Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent. No, it isn't.

Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go.

Tell me what? Anyway, my work is done. I'm gonna hit the showers. (SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle?

Oh, a Mr. Spock collectors' plate. Some Bart Simpson dolls. Eat my shorts. Okay. Mmm, shorts.

You'll win the NBA's highest academic honor for this. Also, I'm making you a duke. So long, filthy commoners! Adios! (CHUCKLES) And I'm left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? (GROANS) All right. I'll need accomplices.

Yeesh. That guy can bite my shiny metal clamps. You remind me of my old friend Bender. Yeah? Where does he safely live? I don't know.

Woo-woo-woo- woo-woo-woo! Daddy Bender, I want a piggyback ride! Daddy's tired. Let's just have another dog pile on Fry.

Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea... how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this!

Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray! Every little thing reminds me of Enos.

Well, my shiny friend, yer days of carousin' are over. But yer nights of endless, monotonous rotatin' have just begun.

I don't get that gesture. Am I wrong?

Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. I wish. It's a nickel.

Whoo-hoo! Yea! Bender "A," you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you? Oh, I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me. This is so great!

Core magnetic field, 31 microteslas. Nice. Temperature? Whoa! The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! (EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data. Could you dump that somewhere else?

I may be a simple country hyper-chicken,

What the hell is going on here? Fry, quiet. Oktoberfest is a classy celebration of how far humans have evolved. You need to be on your best behavior. No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites, but at least Bender will party with me. Right, buddy? Whoa, whoa, whoa! I enjoy partying as much as the next fellow,

Come on, boy, jump! Good boy.

Well My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train!

(CLAPPING) Hi, kids. What book would you like me to read first? We don't got books no more. What? He means "anymore." Look, sometimes you got to choose between eating and reading, so they ate the books. Just make something up.

Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad!

Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again?

He was also a robot? Dude! So a robot fox killed a robot human? I guess that makes it okay. No. Killing of any kind is...

I wonder why Dr. Zoidberg is acting this way? Out of all of us, he always seemed the most normal. I am normal. Amy, take off these rubber bands and I'll show you how normal I am. Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on our amazing new soda machine!

Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell.

Well, I got a label for you, pal-- an ugly little word called "prejudice." I'm not prejudiced. Aw, save it for the cross burning, Adolf.

I got to catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you good night but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump. So anyways, Leela I'd love to take a whack at you but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't going nowheres without yours truly behind the wheel. Excuse me. Did you say, "10:15 to Nutley"?

Here's my new theory: That is one adorable cat. I guess I was just jealous. I do miss being Leela's shnookums. I'm going to apologize and hope for a pity pet. (BOTH GASP) Yes, my lord. Amy and Nibbler are a tewwible thweat. They must be spayed and neutered, wespectivewy.

Hurry! The Golden Gate Bridge. Put the metal to the pedal to the other metal. Whoa! Oh, no! I forgot this is a hoverbridge. And I forgot this isn't a hover car! Is any of that a problem?

Order! Order! The only poor people I want to hear about... are the people who tend to my pores at the spa. just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go.

Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

And that's how you end hunger.

(OWL HOOTING) Action Delivery Force, assemble!

Okay, you're good to go. Get this bubba dump out of here. Okay, push "roof" and we're home free!

What are you selling? Popplers? Never heard of 'em. Eat it or beat it. Mmm, mmm. These are great. Boys, this is your lucky day. I'm joe Gillman. Wow. You're some guy who eats at Fishy joe's? Hell, no. I am Fishy joe.

After lengthy femputations,

Timber! Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car?

Ooh, ooh. Bubblegum, my name's Bender, and I'm a huge fan of your work, both on and off the court. Can I be a Globetrotter? Shut up, turkey.

You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

You were doing well until everyone died. It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them. But in the end, I couldn't do them any good. Do you think what I did was wrong? Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.

Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. You have selected "slow and horrible." Great choice. Bring it on, baby!

Brannigan! Get out here and surrender before I get my expletives deleted! And Earth is yours. So, sire, how may I please you? Go ahead. His bowels aren't gonna disem themselves.

And don't eat it. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Data error! Do not compute! Whoo-hoo! Life was bad, but now it's good forever.

"Dictated but not read, Mr. Astor." Aw. That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

I said, uh, human horn? You're not a cop, right? Oh, no. I'm just some guy.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom,

There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy. - Stupid robot. - Did your hump say something? Uh, I've got talking hump syndrome. Ah, T.H.S.

Crud. Can I at least be in charge of your dentures? You wish.

I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a pretty girl.

Huh? I choose to not understand these signs.

One pie, nothing good on it. Name?

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population. Yeah, life is hilariously cruel. - Permission to come aboard, Wiggles? - Granted.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

(SCREAMS) Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun.

Wow, Bender. Are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both items, but--

What? Now, hold on. Everyone cool your daiquiris. Let's give the little vermin a chance to explain themselves. It was self-defense, Mom. just look at this letter the principal sent.

Atomic bombs? Oh, no! Those unbelievers from my backside...

How about the gardener lover's salad? What kind of cheese filling you want in that? (GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

What are you doing? Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en?

Massive corn clog in port seven.

They're flying Manhattan into the sun! They must have been out of piranhas.

(SCREAMS) (THUD)

Such senseless aggression. Come on. Let's go for a paddleboat ride.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops!

Just a few more feet.

Ah, there you are, Your Majesty. It's time to begin preparing for tomorrow's Coronation Ceremony. A fancy dress gala? I'll wear my formal shell. Fry will be enthroned tomorrow at the setting of the three suns when we Trisolians enter our nocturnal phase.

Once again, science saves the day. The end. And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!

What is it, Professor? Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for.

Oh, Lord! Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered! Ow! It bit my finger!

Mm. The "gristle in a blanket" isn't half-bad. And try one of these popsicle sticks. They've absorbed quite a bit of flavor.

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More!

DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh!

Uh... I'm sorry, uh, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless repetitive tasks. Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you.

Say what? My fellow Earthicans,

Sure, butter me up with candy.

That would be agony. So you must murder me completely by surprise. As God is my witness, you can count on me. Well, see you tomorrow. Not surprising enough.

and an eight-track player with genuine mono sound. Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time? Under the seat. Why won't it start? It just needs some gas. Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas.

Je suis Napoleon! Now, seriously, I'm not. Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual.

But don't worry - be - happy ain't got no cash ain't got no style ladies vomit when I smile But does Zoidberg worry? Feh! You wish! Be happy Don't worry, now, Amy.

You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested.

Enjoy the tour, dudes. I'm going to go lie down. Welcome, my friends to the wondrous world of whimsy that we like to call Slurm Centralized Industrial Fabrication Unit.

And this Presidents' Day, we honoreth those values that my body fought and died for. Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger. Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away.

Clear. Ready to hoist? Ready. Ow!

(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

And then he was ejected by the guards.

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you!

Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo? All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo. In other local news disaster struck on Saturn's moon of Titan today when a titanium mine collapsed trapping 1,000 robot workers.

I will go this far and no further. And, so, we commend Vladimir's remains to the earth. Filings to filings, rust to rust.

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

Gentle now. Gentle with the hover dumpster. Ready for processing! What smells like bloody sinuses? We burn your e-waste down to the usable metals,

Push, Mrs. Fry. You're almost there. You can do it, honey. Squeeze one out for America. Hey, keep it down! It's the ninth inning! Here's the 0-2 pitch to Crypool. He's taking all the way for a called strike three.

(WHISTLES) You sure take after your old man! I never knew my father. (SQUEAKS) It's not important. What is important is that we get you to Bending State-Santa Cruz in time for registration.

Who are you? Don't hurt us. Help me. They've been holding me prisoner for 800 years.

I don't understand. Why are the humans still eating their soft pretzels instead of surrendering? They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. Joss Whedon's here? Wait a minute. You look familiar. Yeah, you almost ate me once. I was in your mouth for five minutes. Leela? And the winner is

Thinking, thinking, thinking.

But he's an actor. If there's one kind of pain he can handle, it's soap-opera pain.

Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender. Duh, Roberto! Ooh, what a surprise to see you in here! Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember? Remember all that squealin' I didn't do? Remember? Do ya? Yeah. Yeah. Now lie down and play dead. And don't ham it up. Uh, sure. Anything for you, buddy.

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir. I'm a program built into the intercom. I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here.

a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage. And here's when I dropped out and bummed around India for a while. And this is just last year at Space Mardi Gras. It's like some kind of weird Leela museum. And I'm the Leela. Dude, over here.

just tell me why? Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing

No, you're not! Let's just go to my place.

Watch me, poor man. Pleasure doin' business with you. Game's over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves. Hey, get away! Shoo!

Help. You got any food? Old tea bags, chewed gum, apple cores? Come on! We're starving here! But you live in a gingerbread house. It's food or shelter, not both.

I agree. I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby!

Brace for emergency landing! What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

And, otherwise, I can never die? Who said that? Sure you can die. You want to die? No! I want to live.

Well, there goes the neighborhood. There goes another neighborhood. We're jerked. Nothing can stop a monster that big.

Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow. This is my home. I hope you don't think less of me because I live in a giant castle. Oh, no, not at all. If anything, I'm more impressed.

Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Yes, yes. You a big, squishy wuss. Amy should be dating real man-- like him.

"Look, Captain. Melllvar will help us."

This is where you live? I thought you were a big-shot Hollywood movie star. No, I'm not. I am an even bigger liar than you. My career went down the tubes the day they invented Smell-A-Vision. Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault.

Stay beautiful, dollface. Ooh, that probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch? I ordered a pizza. Pizza delivery for... I.C. Wiener. Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95.

Hey! Next week will be my birthday too! That's true! If only there were a way... to have one party for both of you here at the office, then write it off as a business expense. Wait! I thought of a way! The way I just said! Yeah! Way to go, Pops! Something's happening on television!

and the other so-called gods of our legends-- though gods they were... and also, Jane Fonda was there. The others chose to remain behind on their porches with their rifles, and one day evolve into mermaids and sing, and dance, and ring in the new...

Yes, yes, Doctor. Right here. Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you? How could you even ask such a thing? Of course I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy. Thanks to years of LaBarbara's curried goat, no doubt.

I'm going to be just like you. No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it! I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down.

Lay down here and we'll do some tests.

Bite my shiny... metal... Stop! You can't say the next word. Up yours, chump. I said it 906 times before lunch. Bender, if you say the "A" word you'll blow this whole planet straight to the "H" word.

Noticeably F.A.T., drop us a beat. Name? Cosmic F.

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics.

(KISSES) LEELA: To my wonderful friends, words can't express how thoughtful you've been. I don't want to make you suffer through this with me, so I've decided to move underground to the sewer.

And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception. Why, you little...

Convoy Breaker, breaker. This here's the Duck.

(BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella, not The Simpsons.

Never mind. Here, take this. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (SPLUTTERING) Ah! May he rest in peace. Hey, there's a dragon in this trap!

He's taking all the way for a called strike three. Swing the bat, you bum! It's a boy! And look at that red hair!

Um, we're 12, so, yes. Hold up, Cubert. You're a clone of the professor. Do clones even have birthdays? Um, duh! Duh, what?

You've damaged your brain, Universe-- but no more than a week of binge drinking or five minutes on a cell phone. I was just working my way toward the medulla oblongata, control center of the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, you die with me. No!

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

He was stationed at Roswell. Your grandfather? Stay away from him, you dimwitted monkey! You mustn't interfere with the past. Don't do anything that affects anything... unless it turns out you were supposed to do it, in which case, for the love of God, don't not do it! Got it.

Digby? Nibbler? What is going on here? Why is a Nibblonian trying to blow us up?

We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry. There it is-- The Near Death Star.

Leela bring fire? No, we're set for fire, thanks.

(ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize.

Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here. We can avoid humanity's mistakes. Like the tuba. Yes! We'll be like Adam and Eve. Only without the tuba. And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible?

You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman! She ate my kidney!

Get it off. Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down Before you-- Keep those things off of me.

Oh! They're so cute! What are their names? Kids have names?

Oh, you want it? Come and get it. (STRAINING) What the... (LAUGHING) You'll not be getting it after all. For, you see, I designed the operating system for all Momco robots,

Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer. It's okay, Fry. If it keeps bugging us, we'll either kill it or adopt it. Meanwhile, what do you say we get started on a very, very, very long honeymoon?

I just like having the end locker. It's not like Amy cares about it at all. But no, she won't trade with me. A rat! Yes, she is a rat. No, look! Which way to the tiny hookers? (SCREAMING) A big, fat roach! What? I thought I put that away.

Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie!

Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

So what's Mars Day about, anyway? It commemorate the day centuries ago... when our ancestor, Sir Reginald Wong, bought Mars from stupid natives. How can you call the native Martians stupid? They sell whole planet for one bead. Sound stupid to me.

Shh! Shut your gills!

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed.

Because that would make two of us. (SIGHS) You're right. We'd never get anywhere. We'd just keep jumping back to where we started. Also, we'd die horribly. You see, we're shielded in here. So if we leave the time shelter and the button gets pressed less than 10 seconds later, the antichronitons wouldn't know where to send us back to.

Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on! - Please-- Please hold me. Oh! - Over here! Have a good one!

My God, I really sound like that? I thought my voice had more of a Clark Gable quality.

Hey, cut it out. Take a coupon. Cut it out. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Of course, even if it is possible to analyze the message, there's no way of knowing how long it would take. It could take an hour, or it could take a hundred million years. Is it done? Certainly not. Two dings means it's done.

Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore? I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day.

I'm going to allow this. Members of the jury did y'all happen to catch a gander at who blew up that there DOOP headquarters? That's the guy right there. - Right over there. - Yes, indeed. And are y'all going to vote to convict him?

Oh, man, you never heard such excuses. But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny. It sure is. Right, Leela, funny?

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) (ENGINES REVVING) (SIRENS WAILING)

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye! (WAILING)

I guess that would be stupid. Never mind. Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son. Good, 'cause I'm sick of him. (ALL LAUGHING) I'm serious. He's a terrible person.

Core magnetic field, 31 microteslas. Nice. Temperature? Whoa! The magma P.I. is 10,000 degrees Selleck! (EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data. Could you dump that somewhere else?

O, mighty Isis...

It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G?

I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe.

Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

and that's the part we want to kill. (MOTOR RUNNING) Great food, huh? (BURPS) (ALL GROANING) Ew!

Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found! (ALL GASP) DR. ZOIDBERG: A huge pyramid under New New York? What badger could've built this?

Ewww! So what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever. Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time...

This "women only" planet is sounding better and better. I'm already looking for apartments.

Did you find everything you were burgling for? No. I came for a free will unit, and you're going to give it to me. If it exists. Then you got surprised by my swivel chair for nothing. The free will unit was just the fevered dream of a madman I once employed.

Well, I'm sick of her. The ship? But you just started dating. With my mighty robot powers, I can get sick of things much quicker than you humans.

My baby's milk money!

Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave? Okay, that's it. No more killing.

While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No! Central filing?

And which one rocked your world? Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan?

Why, Mr. Peppy, why? That tickles. (LAUGHING) (CRYING) Now I really do have to kill you. Wait! Don't shoot! The beast is a Godsend. Like I said, we've more livestock than we can slaughter,

General, in all my years of coverin' top secret discoveries with sheets, I've never dramatically revealed anything as shocking as this. The debris from an alien spaceship. Son, I think I can safely say--

Kif, just trust me for once. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) TRANSLATOR: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Oops! (SPEAKING ANGRILY IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff. Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

Okay, now I'm mad.

Fry's from around this time. I'll talk like him.

He and I are having brunch tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing this. It's nice, but there's still something I don't like about that guy. My dad always said you could tell a lot about a man by the rigidity of his shins. (SNORING)

It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

Whoa! Dear Lord! What's wrong? Oh, uh, it's... my... new pager. This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone needs to return to the office immediately. Get away, you filthy bird.

Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging You fund? Ow! We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans. Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. No, we can get jobs. But we just had jobs. Fortunately, I still have our old career chips.

Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner.

I like your style. I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard.

Please welcome the superintendent of Kitchen Coliseum, Chairman Koji! No robot chef has ever competed here, but today, one has barged his way in... to challenge for the title of-- Iron-a Cook-oo-ooh!

Or is there? (ALL CHEERING) All right, Fry!

ROBOTS CHANTING: One, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, zero, zero, one, zero, one, zero, one, zero, zero, zero... Welcome, friend. I am Ab-BOT, the abbot of this monastery. Sir, I am but a tired and rusty traveler. Can we talk? Come, make yourself uncomfortable.

Amazing! That's why they call you Bender the Magnificent.

Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment.

Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you!

for future generations to enjoy, unless he doesn't exist. The end! I gotta call you back! All right, questions? Yeah. Have youse ever seens Bigfeet? Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams...

What's your plan? What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something.

Whee! What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow. Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

Thank you, Hermes. I don't know. It seems like a lot of trouble to cut off your arm just to snake a drain. It's not just a drain snake.

Wait, if you guys came from Earth, why do you hate humans so much?

What does this have to do with the anchovies? I'm getting to the freaking anchovies. A single drop of the anchovy's natural oil would lubricate ten robots permanently. Wow. It's a shame they went extinct. No, it isn't! Shut your filthy clam! Thank you, Walt.

Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy. No, I can't afford them. Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford?

And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

It's crunch time. Let's do this.

I don't feel well. Look, it's our nebula. Whenever I see it, I'll think back to that moment when we almost-- Never mind. Everyone else is off the ship. Where in Babylon is Bender? I don't know, but we can't wait any longer.

Sweet, juicy justice!

Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in!

Oh, but I guess we're just two different people. So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy and I hope there are no hard feelings about your date... or stuff. It's okay. I had fun, and if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

Okay, here I go. You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

Okay, kids. It's 9:00, and you know what that means. Daddy's sick o' lookin' at ya. So go to bed. Aww!

"My God, he's dead."

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Also, good news, everyone!

My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space, let alone 1,000 years. Besides, Buzz Aldrin ran over my guinea pig in the parking lot.

Uh, it's nothing, my queen. He messed up my hair. I'm missing a leg! We fought like hell, sir, but in the end, we caved like a house of souffle cards. Got it. Peace with honor. Well, I resign again. Come, Nixon. Introduce me to the kitchen staff.

Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you.

(MAN EXCLAIMS) Wrinkles got some mad moves, yo. Yo, Wrinkles, you got big glasses. I'm gonna call you the Professor. What? No one calls me that!

We did it! We're the right ages again!

(GROANING) ROBOT GOD: Walk toward the light, Bender. BENDER: Man, do I have to walk?

What about this bloke? He's from Revolutionary times. Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well.

Freeze. Or we'll be forced to continue chasing you, since we don't carry guns. Indubitably.

The number you have dialed has been lame since 1989.

Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

Poop. Poop. Yeah.

Chicken, water, fire.

Man, I have got to go back to law school. (SNICKERS) I'm not going to wind up a loser like that guy. Sure you will. You're going to lose the science fair, and that's who's going to beat you. Josh Gedgie, boy scientist. Pi over four radians of pizza, please. What is that, about a slice? More like exactly a slice.

- Brannigan! - Hmm? My God, cover yourself. I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo. Sorry, Mr. President. I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform.

of every last robot. So quickly-- everyone point your exhaust vents straight upward! Now vent! Vent like the wind!

Ow... ooh... son of a... Oh, dear! Oh, my! Uh-oh! Once more. Steady now! There we go. Now, I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency.

(SNORING) (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry. (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping! - Wake up already! - Huh? I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot,

So, I'm sending you on one last mission. Hot diggity daffodil! A mission of peace. You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains and they've got a lot of chutzpah. Accompanying you will be our top peace negotiator...

Ows! I am not familiar with this concept of gender. My species has only a single gender, known as "neuchacho." Interesting. Come on, men! Let's kill him! Your genders differ in many ways. But as with all things that are different,

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago.

Finally, New New York got a blast of class today as Nikolai, playboy ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire, arrived aboard his extravagant caviar-powered yacht. I am just a humble emperor with a big, big crown!

With the race a dead heat,

Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition. Ma'am, what happened in there?

- What a load! - No. Over here. "Flying Saucer Captured." That's no flying saucer. That's my ass! My God! This means the flying saucer that crashed in Roswell... was us! And the alien they captured was-- was--

(BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit! It's over, Dad. It ain't over!

Cursed, got it. Whatever. The tracks lead here. Thanks, eagle eye. Now it's daylight. So, he should be in robot form... but be careful. Many robots are stupid and violent. I wish I was stupid and violent.

And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love." No. "Wuv," with an Earth "W." Behold.

Time to reeducate you dunce bags. We'll start with U.S. presidents. This was our first president, George Washington.

There's just no place for me in this world. Although, on the other hand... Oh, that poor, sweet monkey. Well, let's go gather him up.

Yeah, well if you're sorry then why are you doing it? It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Watch it. That's it. You just made my list. Ow, ooh, ow, ow, ooh! Stop it!

Aah! Ooh, they-- Hey! What's bombarding me? Ooh! Gee! Ow! Oh, no! An asteroid field! If even a pea-sized asteroid... were to whiz through my skull it could-- ow-- hurt slightly.

I'll break up with him at dinner. I'll be there. Yo, Leela, what gives?

Oh, yes, absolutely. Not a chance. At least I'll always have her bracelet. What do you think it's worth? It's fake, mon.

Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was. Why would I want to know? You wouldn't. Ask anyway. How was your day? Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did. She won't shut up. That's normal.

Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges? One beep for "yes," two beeps for "no."

The sky out here is amazing. Look at all the satellites.

What? All right, boss. Give the word, and I'll drop this unbendable girder-- clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab, we got nothin' against.

Now they drank my booze? They've gone too far!

Yeah, I'll keep the kidney cool, no problem.

(SPEAKS CANTONESE) (WHISTLING)

and a single conspiracy nut who no one will believe. Mr. President, our experts have reassembled the parts... from the alien ship into its original design.

(EXPLODES) (EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her. LEELA: Never mind the ship. What about us? (MUTTERS) Fry did it! We've had it with this flying slaughterhouse.

Ooh! I gots your apologies right heres.

(ALL GASPING) Hey! Calculon's back! (ALL CHEERING) Hail science! (MOANING)

BIG BERTHA: You make quite a show, young man. You remind me of myself as a young cannon.

On the contrary, I suffer from hereditary gigantism.

Guess I better head over to my night job. You have a night job? Yup. It's exhausting, but I need the extra money to buy coffee so I can stay awake for my night job.

Death to the crab!

Do I hear $10,000? $15,000. 20. 30. No, 40. $50,000.

You just wrote down what these space twerps said. Oh, hell.

Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir. I'm a program built into the intercom. I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover! Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here. Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today...

Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor. (WHOOPING) No, he sand-crabbed out. (SIGHS) Then we have no choice. We'll have to mercy-kill the Professor ourselves. Well, let's get started.

(ALL GASP) Order! Order in the head! For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender! I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us.

Nothing good. Aw, let's just keep watching. Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do

Yep. That stands up to scrutiny.

so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot. Have you any idea how it feels to be a fembot...

Shut your pumpkin, bumpkin. (CANNED LAUGHTER) All right, so I let one measly Bender get away. How much harm can one infinitely self-reproducing robot do? Bender! How could you be so lazy and irresponsible? (SNORING) Hey. What? Did someone say I'm great? (CHEWING SOUNDS)

But, Hermes, old friend, didn't you say you were through with the implants? Oh, don't be such a spoilsport. Such a mild insult. That's not my Hermes. Speaking of, what happened to your cut-off body parts, anyhow? Right here. I was going to donate them to the Salvation Air Force,

Owww! Aaah! I was wrong! I can still feel pain! He's come to finish the job!

(ALL GASPING) (ALL CHEERING) Kill-check two is go.

Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you! Ray-blocking power! (GASPS) (ALL GASPING)

'Cause your song was insincere, boy.

Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela? What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose. Things will work out, honey. Now, here.

When Kringle-bot come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel

Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi.

Kill! Kill! Kill! Great Cheech's ghost! What's this junk? It looks like... a time line of my whole life. That's when we saved Earth from a giant asteroid of garbage.

Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug

English, please? A fight to the death. And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

That would require extremely tiny atoms, and have you priced those lately? I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

Plus they're making bootleg beer inside company property. Lies! Lies and slander!

Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand. That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love." Wow. This is all so confusing.

Oh, great. Someone had a baby. Come on. I have a better idea.

Thank you, Bob Barker. I'm as happy as a girl can be. End statement. Which one of these lovely womanoids will take home the atomic tiara?

- Now! - (GRUNTS) (BOTH CACKLING) Ah... Nothing like the first cup of dumpster juice in the morning. (CRASHING)

We're going to be, like, "Pow, pow, pow!" And they're going to be like, And then, we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be, like... Precisely.

- Stupid robot. - Did your hump

Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

DNA and career chip, please. Erwin Schrodinger, huh?

Precious hamburgers? Ambergris. Noun. A grease-like product of the sperm whale's digestive tract... that is used as a base in the finest perfumes. This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts.

(BOTH LAUGH) He's a terrible father. Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8. Fry? You just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers.

And now that I have nothing to live for, I've alerted the Sunset Squad robots to take me away.

It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you? Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large--

Man, my hive's been going buck-wild since these blood-ganking butt crabs moved in. Been there, done that. They're all infected, just like the bees on Earth. Brother-sucking parasites gone and disrupted our hive mind. Now, instead of working in harmony,

Are you the last copy of me? Yes. Erase her, Fry. What? No! Fry, when you downloaded her without my permission, you stole my image. And in the end, that's all I really have. That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you.

Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants. Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me. No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent? What's rent?

For I was blind but now I see. The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night--

Just 'cause you saved my life doesn't mean I won't beat you down again. Man, you are irredeemably evil. Together, we shall rule the galaxy!

No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports ya!

Fry, you're my friend. Come on, everyone line up for a hug. Let's tear down some emotional walls.

And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender.

Whoa! Quae? Quick, into another box! There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now.

bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots. Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible! Hey, the TV's getting away!

Finally... solitude. I can read books for all eternity. It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f--

You're getting heroed, whether you like it or... If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun,

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time.

Well, no. But you never talk about yourself. Maybe if you showed a little interest.

Sorry. But soon after Charles graduated our marriage ran into difficulties. Uh, sorry. Desperately depressed I turned to the one thing that could lessen my pain--

They differ on some key issues. I say your three-cent titanium tax goes too far. And I say your three-cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough. If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on election day and dressing up like a clown! You're not registered?! Nope. Not vaccinated, either.

Don't panic. The dream isn't over yet. MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic.

Land robots! I've got a big, big thirst for human blood!

Mmm... Zapp. Zapp! Hmm? Inspect the troops later.

I'd like to stab 'em, give 'em some of these. Yeah, right on, nutcake. Parole officer says I gotta upgrade... or he won't give me back my stabbin' knife.

Good afternoon, sir.

(BENDER YELLING) (BOTH GASPING) (BENDER CONTINUES YELLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) Phew! It is ripe in here. Well, so long, jerks.

I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I-- $500 and time served. Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man. Bender, honey, we love you. Sure, baby, I know it.

(ZAPP YODELING)

(YAWNS) I know we're ladies in waiting, but what are we waiting for? How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine,

You overclocked Bender? What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught.

Ooh, he got me! Oh! What a shot that guy is. Wait, why do the raised letters that normally say "Turn Master Steering Wheel Company"

John Zoidberg. It's been a long time. How have you been? Not too bad. Last year I took a bus trip to the Grand Canyon. Later, I'll show you the pictures. Do you ever regret it, John, leaving me to work for the Professor? Oh... What do you want me to say? He saved my life.

But-- Oh! Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it as we cherish every moment of our lives.

Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device.

And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord Killed a duplicate instead of me (ALL EXCLAIMING)

At ease, Brannigan.

Evacuating the planet in three, two... So long, Earth. Thanks for nothing. (ENGINE SPUTTERING) It's not starting.

Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style.

Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger! At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is-- being filthy rich, that is! "Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase!

Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball? Well, what about that rich, young dugong from Macon?

Oh, my spirit! Great-grandpa, no-O-o! Another victim of the menocentric male-ocracy. Ambassador Mervin, you killed my lawyer. You're welcome.

Bender, what happened to you? I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor. Whoa! I definitely want to hear about that, but first, I need your help.

Damn, chico. One more upgrade and I'll be more lady than you can handle. Why you so stupid, stupid? Hey, bite my shiny metal ass. You couldn't afford it, honey.

Ah! (BOTH YELLING) How could this not be hurting you? I once killed a sea turtle with these boots.

(SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

Uh, let's make this quick. I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this? Silence. It is time to put the humans to death. But the judge already sentenced us at the trial. Silence. That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet.

And all without killing anyone. This gang's got some fresh, new ideas. I admire that. Oh, we'll kill them, all right. We got them heavily out-clamped. They won't know what clamped them!

But due to the recent tragedy, I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer. ALL: Boo! No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads! O, mighty Isis... Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing. (LIGHTNING CRACKING)

Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia. I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time! Ah. Mighty fine smokable. Fancy cigar? Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff! Go, go, go, go, go!

Hey, that's me. No, it isn't. I just took some pictures of your face and stuck them on someone else's body. Hey...

Where did Qbert come from? 12 years ago, I began the cloning process by removing some skin cells from one of the shapelier growths on my back. Wait. If he's your clone why doesn't his nose look like yours? I left him in his first tube too long, and he got squished up against the side.

It was a good life. Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

I'm ready. I'll take that big purple dinosaur, please. On the face. (ENGINE REVVING) Oh, snap! It's our rival gang! We have a rival gang? I hate them! Hit the deck! Whew! That was close, eh, Fabricio?

Gentle now. Gentle with the hover dumpster.

In my day, we went to coke parties, but the principle's the same. Get your stinkin' trike off me, you damn, dirty ape!

We are travelers from the past, my good runt. I see. Since your time, human evolution has diverged. There are we, advanced in intellect and morality. And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground.

Hey, Bender, are you sure this is a shortcut? Not as sure as I was an hour ago.

What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange. It is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment.

Shh. Be very quiet. We're in the ear. Okay, Professor. What?

Hey, I'm trying to score here.

Yeah. Isn't that basically all jamaicans do? Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport. That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself.

Ooh, he got me!

Here's your medal, hero. Stupid Bender. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

No! Eva Braun, help me! Saw it comin'. I just saw something incredibly cool-- a big floating ball that lit up with every color in the rainbow, plus some new ones that were so beautiful... I fell to my knees and cried.

We got it all from behind this prediction-proof glass. But how could you know my prediction was fake? I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then, it hit me. You showed Bender sharing the deadly booze with our friends.

Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right! What a brilliant legal shenanigan. Case dismissed!

I'll miss you, Leela. I know you're just a carbon-based life-form but I'll always think of you as a big pile of titanium. What Bender means is, you're really brave and smart and beautiful and a great friend. just like titanium.

Professor, Amy and I are concerned that... Oh! (SOBBING)

Ahem. For my next trick, notice I have nothing up my sleeves... and nothing in my head.

Hey, get away! Shoo! I'll give you $5.00 to not do what you're thinking about doing. You just lost $5.00. Hey, buddy! Little help?

Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where? Whereas I have a ham dinner with mayonnaise... waiting for me at my mansion, I find the defendant guilty.

Have a seat, stranger.

(GULPING) (MUSIC PLAYING) (SCREAMING)

It's all-natural. So are carrots, but you don't see me injecting them between my toes.

when suddenly, I realized my bathwater had been transformed into alcohol. Alcohol? (CHEERING) Chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Mmm!

35, you stupid meatball!

Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile.

We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder! Cry baby!

Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money! Oh, I am broke. What will I tell my horrible wife?

Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

Values like this brand-new Plymouth V'ger. Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie, and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a jowl movement coming on. (HOWLING) And that's how you end hunger.

A freshly dug robot grave. Let's exhume-a-zoom-zoom. Step aside. Bing-reka! The brain circuit. Come, fellows. Let's go home and install it.

Now, that's what I call a great ending. I made a copy of myself and Big Caboose killed him. But you said making a copy of yourself would be a lousy ending. No, duplicate me said that. See, I had to be sure he wouldn't try and weasel out of getting killed like I would, and did,

On top of everything, I'm starving. I'll have to carve a sandwich out of this tree branch. Ow! My finger. I wish I remembered more survival skills from Boy Scouts. Too bad my only merit badge was in interpretive dance.

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head? I need to tinker in it. Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry? Quiet you.

Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

They're so cold! And yet hell is so hot! Can I have my hands back now? No! You're not nice!

its effects wear off for sure

And I thought I saw a two. It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two. I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck

It's nice. Too hot. Did one of you chicks change the thermostat?

...three! (CHUCKLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Wait a minute. There's a chance I could lose? That wasn't part of the deal. Sweet Georgia Brown of Kingston Town. It's a tie. Since no one lost, no one has to jump.

Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us. Work faster-- like this!

Huh? You don't like chocolate? Look, could chocolate just let me finish? Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh. Amy, what I'm trying to say is I think maybe you and I should stop--

Now that's the God I know. Zoidberg, what is wrong with you? You just threw away a fortune! Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment, I made everybody on Mars happy. And if you ask me, that makes me a winner.

Damn it, Hermes, just jump already. Stop hogging that healthy liver. No, I want to live. Organizing that forced-labor spa rekindled my lifelong love of bureaucracy. My Hermes got that hellhole running so efficiently that all the physical labor is now done by a single Australian man.

Wah! - Hey, Amy. - Hey. This is for you, Fry-- Zevulon the great. He's teriyaki-style. Wow. Heavy-drinking crowd. I'd better go out for more beer.

Hey, you guys wanna... Oh. Right.

No, wait! I like it like this. I actually feel sort of... happy. But what about your super intelligence? When I had that, there was too much pressure to use it. All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit.

Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible, like the mighty "X" in tic-tac-toe. Look at those pathetic cavemen down there, loading their silly catapult with... What is that, Kif? (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) I believe it's a saber-tooth cat, sir.

That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it. Oh. I guess I can't. Everyone, put on your seat belts.

Zapp to Leela. Look at all that surveillance equipment. We better whisper. Switching to pillow talk mode. LEELA: Look! What are those huge letters? ZAPP: V-GINY?

I have decided, after little thought, to return your genders. (ALL CLAMORING IN CONFUSION) Oh! Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit!

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner?

Anyone who laughs is a Communist. Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward, we will see, by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there. It's gone!

Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral? Tomorrow at the family castle. Followed by the reading of his will. Well, I'm rich. Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated. Come on. It'll be fun.

I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?

That's odd. This hand here doesn't belong to anybody. And it's pointing a knife at James the Lesser! That's the great thing about that hand. And what about these funky table legs? It's like they're from some other, funkier painting. Maybe da Vinci painted over something else. It's called a pentimento.

Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it? Tell me it's not fin rot!

My edge has been bent! My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State. My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky! What's all the hubbub?

Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity? Sure, why not? Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it?

Scruffy knows who killed them people. In Scruffy's opinion, it were-- So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh. Huh? What the--

No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk!

Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah!

Listen to the smart robot. I love cooking, and Elzar's ass loves getting kissed, right? No question. So, how about I work part-time at the restaurant to pay off our debt? I don't know. I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable.

I'm 40% scrap metal.

I will destroy her! And now, extend a formulated greeting to Master Chef Elzar! So, Elzar, what will you be cooking for Morbo to devour with his mighty jaws? Morbo, I'm gonna whip you up a nice,

Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots. They're like my old ones but with a crazy green stripe. Whoo!

Pay dirt! Hyah! Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar.

Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport.

Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew.

Thanks, everybody. I love you all. You guys are true... Oh! Cut it out, Bender. That's a tender area. How we doing, Amy? Great. We're one-tenth of the way there.

All yours, Zoidberg. (HISSING) (ALL GASP)

but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire. Ho, ho, ho. Everyone's dead.

Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

One, two! one, two, three!

Oh! I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready! There's so much of the world I haven't stolen yet! Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody, and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son.

They typically dwell just behind rocks, but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas.

Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honor of executing the prisoners. Silence! I concur.

Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company. Go satisfy your bend lust, and don't you come back to work until you do! No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Versus, Billionaire-bot!

I can't see what's happening. Are we boned? Yeah, we're boned.

Yes! Here I come, future! Oh, no. Wait! I'm gonna get trapped in the Info-Sphere again! just remember that Scooty-Puff jr. sucks!

But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face. I turned to see the kindly smile of Mr. Astor.

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began--

That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on her couch, if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can. Though you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically, I mean get your coat.

Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you.

Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish. Then we're down to our last hope, a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy! (LAUGHING) Let's see how crazy I am now, Nixon.

I'll have to check my program. Yep.

That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!! Come on, everyone!

War were declared.

Let's stop off for a malt. See that waitress there? Yowzah! I know what I want for dessert. That's my fiancÉe, Mildred. Grandma Mildred? Uh, no dessert. Just coffee.

We got tongue straight from the horse's mouth. Hmm. It all sounds good. All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness. I'll have the cholesterol-free omelet with Horse Beaters. And you, sir? How can I horse you? I'll have a horse Coke. Horse Pepsi okay? Nay.

The office, the promotion that dwarf in my book club who steals my opinions. It's all coming together now. I must say this opens my eyes. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Morgan, come back. He's stuck in a loop. For I was blind but now I see.

Greetings, Earth morsels. You suck! Get a job!

I'll show you what I got in stock. I remember this from when we were kids. The warden would trot you out in front of prospective parents, and they'd judge you like a piece of meat.

Then I am the most important person in the universe.

Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend. I'm going. Going? But a captain can't drink without his first mate. You can drink with me, maybe? I don't feel like drinking.

Please, let us live. We'll put out milk and cookies for you. You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

"My, what a handsome energy creature you are. I love you." Hey, you wrote it!

Look what arrived-- my new shell catalog. So let's try some on already. Ah! Muy macho. Hey, gringos! Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water.

Give me a hug! I, too, am hugging them in spirit. And now they're hugging me back. Oh, my. In a stunning turnabout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity.

Nothing can stop a monster that big. Nothing except an even equally big monster. This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

(SOBBING) Earth is gone!

Man, we look stupid. We should have gotten store-bought costumes.

(GASPS) Oh, squiddums! I've been thinking about this for a while, and, well, here in front of your half-naked daughter seems like the perfect time. Darling, will I marry you? Of course, I'll marry you, Zapp. (SMOOCHING)

This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it. By God, I think the boy's got something. Come on, everyone.

Darling, Hubie I should never have tried to tamper with that cute little Q.T. McWhiskers. No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, eight feet, fifteen feet-- What does it matter? You should see the new 16-foot modelS. 16 feet?! Go to hell!

I don't remember much, buddy. And you're no looker. Uh, Professor, isn't it time for your nap? Yes, damn it! Zookeeper, how did you know our real identities? Let's just say a little bird told me.

It is... acceptable.

How is Lynn, by the way? Living in Oregon with her crazy mother. See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter!

(ACCORDION PLAYING)

Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air? Of course.

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out! Aah! You want her? You're gonna have to go through me! Waah! Uhh! Aah! Uhh!

Poor Philip. He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there. The pain and guilt are too much!

To the sub-basement! You see, you'll be protected by my fermion barrier heat-exclusion spray. Watch as I demonstrate by coating some highly delicate matter, and dunking it into this molten lava. (SCREAMING)

Teeth do not belong in your pants, Professor. Well, I can't keep them in my mouth. They're nuclear powered!

(SNORING) And that's how I got this scar above my eye.

A wise man once said he was a hell of a squealer. Maybe the best there ever was. ALL: To Bender! You pizza's gonna be another minute. We still waiting for it to be delivered. Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right.

More like Taxachufetts.

Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela. And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend.

Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there? No! Don't come in! Good news, everyone. Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily Eight, the mob planet. All right, let's get to work!

Hey, watch it! You'll put somebody's eye out!

- Second. - Second. - Second. I'm your man! I vote my 10,000 shares for the professor. - Yeah, the professor! - Me too! Me? I nominate that Guy! not just because he has a suit,

Ew! You're touching them. I've never seen pearls like this.

Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo? Sorry, Dad. I'm glad to be back. I'm just kind of bummed I can't bend stuff. All I ever wanted was to go to Bending State-Santa Cruz.

What just happened? Uh. Well, I think the Robot Devil said he loved me in Bender's voice wearing Granny Hester's clothes. I want to go home. (TORMENTED SCREAMING) You still lose, Bender. You failed to kill Fry, so you're banished to hell.

Okay, you're good to go. Get this bubba dump out of here.

I'll never forget him, but he forgot me a long, long time ago. If it

Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah.

I'll kill you! You bastard!

you're the best around nothing's goNna ever keep you down Down you're the best around nothing's gonna ever keep you down you're the best around Wow.

But he didn't care enough. And now I'm gonna die! I deserve better! I'm Bender, damn it! I'm Bender! (SOBBING) There, there, man. It's gonna be okay. You are Bender, which is something Inspector 5 will never be.

Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug! Ah! It's empty! I'm 40% back, baby!

Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh! No.

There's seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upon ya Kujichagulia And Umoja. And the rest!

I'm thinking we need to downplay those hideous growths on your head. Horns are a sign of virility. Also, they house my testes. I'm thinking horn extensions.

True, but someday I might be rich. - And then people like me better watch their step. - (SIGHS)

I got be sure this isn't another scientific fraud like global warming or secondhand smoke. Send in my science advisor. Wernstrom! Well, well, well. Come to present your latest napkin, Professor? No, I'm here because a giant trash ball is heading straight for us.

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away. There! Good as new. Except that we're three miles below the surface we don't have any food and the ship won't work underwater.

The only thing terrible is going to be my bank account. Wait. Say that again, but say, "Tremendous consequences." If it's money you're after, I'll pay whatever you ask. Just promise me you'll never show that photo to anyone.

He's not scrawny. He's just small-boned. Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that-- Yes, yes. You a big, squishy wuss.

All right, but sooner or later that ass is going to blow and when it does, I just pray you're not mooning someone you care about.

My shell ran. Zoidberg, you idiot! My outfit-- It's-- It's-- - Kind of cool. - Yeah. I like it. Me too, now that I'm used to it. Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross me, and I'll turn on you like that.

Also, I guess I'll kill one of you... Him. We'll do it. Very well, then.

It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M.

Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Daddy Bender, we're hungry! What is it with you kids? Every other day, it's food, food, food! Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

I can give you a surgery. And when it's done, you'll be able to smell everything. Oh, Zoidberg! I want the biggest nose you can find! Dude, you made the finals.

But how did you find this planet? Well? (GROANING) We're actually on Earth. The ship's homing device brought us back. But I saw Earth explode! I'm actually kind of proud of this one.

Whoa! Oh, what the hell.

Happy Robanukah, everyone. Coming up next, more thoughtful, interfaith hijinks.

Tell me, Zaxxar, were you even born on Earth? Because the Earth constitution clearly states that only people born on Earth can be president. Isn't that right, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg? You Ruth Bader believe it! But I... Of course I was born on Earth.

A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass. Thanks. I suppose I should know your name if I'm going to be drinking ten gallons of alcohol with you. MacZongo. Angus MacZongo. Major Angus MacZongo. Handsome Major Angus MacZongo, Esquire. Ooh!

Does not compute. Does not compute.

- I'll take four! - Me too! Oh, what the hell!

Well, rest assured, Leela's the only girl for me.

Good luck, Bender!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Glove recognized. Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower. Mr. President. What the hell? At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified. Reptilicus, hit the thingy.

What's the matter, Leela? You've hardly touched your toilet clams. (SIGHS) Maybe I was too harsh on Fry. He didn't ruin my life on purpose. Things will work out, honey. Now, here. Have some more of what looks like lemonade.

Don't try to talk me out of it! Well? Bender, you always say you're going to kill yourself,

Behold-- When the universe was forged in the crucible of the big bang, our mighty race was already 17 years old. Aww! For the first millisecond of time, things were okay, but then there arose a terrible enemy-- the Brain Spawn.

Don't even think about tickling that ganglion. Leela! You're just in time to help. If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel... that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them. I call it Caribbean Drano. Fry will be stuck with the worms forever. Perfect. Haah!

(GROANING) That's the most uncomfortable sleeping bag I ever slept in. You were living in my punching bag? If you call that living. You bent my golf club? Yep. And yet, what did it solve? What did the violence solve? Enough of this foolishness!

But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No! Any effect?

I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman, I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Soothe us with sweet lies.

Okay, okay, okay. Get ready for this part! Quiet, robot! Bender's on TV. Oh, Calculon, it's so good to get away from the city... and that beastly yet intriguing Bender. Whoo! And try this, kids at home!

That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets.

A floor? We live like kings!

The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

No. Yes. Yes. Yes.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous.

(SMOOCHING) (SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead? Of course not. All your friends are on the bridge having a pizza party. So come on, put the guns down and join us.

I was just enjoying a rather tasty watercress sandwich. Hey, he's more classy than I realized. Tie up the prisoners. Capital idea, old sport.

Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: The Movie? Uh-- It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion. It hasn't been made yet. Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar? Nope. Crap! Wait. You're Pamela Anderson. Cool. What can I get you?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

That's better. Fry's alive! I have proof! You do not!

there's dignity in that-- but to lose, and in this atrocity-- I can't do it. Leela, you've got to train me to win. No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'. Wait! That chunk! It's the watch!

Leonardo, stop! (ALL GASP) I want in on this! Are you crazy, Professor? I hate these nerds! Just 'cause I'm stupider than them, they think they're smarter than me. Kill them all, starting with the math teacher!

Can you save him? I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep.

Oh, God! No! I want to live!

No! (SOBBING) Cheer up, Fry. I'll sing you a tune you can identify. Let's go already

just send them both to the robot loony bin and let's go. Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet!

When I was two there was a tidal wave in... Aw!

I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You?

Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too. They don't know what I like.

I'm afraid I can't do that, Leela.

You got it. Also access to a lab and five graduate students-- at least three of them Chinese. All right, done.

Wait! In my time, we had a way of moving things long distances without hovering. Impossible. It was called... let me think. It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one. The wheel! Never heard of it. Show us this... the wheel.

But most of all, I blame you, hunt master.

He's the most decorated captain in the whole Democratic Order of Planets. Leela's got a boyfriend. No, I don't, but I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you.

Whoa, that gives me a headache. Hey, Bender. Here's an exhibit about Mom's favorite robot. Who is he?! I'll kill him! Who's my favorite robot? It's me! No one else look in this mirror! I love each and every robot most of all.

Fry, meet Norm. How's it goin', pal? Still pickin' up transmissions from the C.I.A. on your teeth? They just won't stop! The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo.

No! I'm talking about my ass! Huh! I never even knew you had an ass. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) Hmm. According to this, it shipped out on a freighter from South Street Spaceport.

It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella! (BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process. Matt will now take questions.

Today, I've personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony.

What? Did you explain how the women's good fundamentals... make up for their inability to dunk? - Yes. They still laugh. - The men must die! Too true, Femputer. You're so wise. Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance. Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot. That's an understandable mistake. You can let me down now, thanks.

I traveled a thousand years forward in time, but without Leela, I have no future. This is the end. (SNIFFLES) Good-bye, my love. (GROANS)

You dare bribe Santa? I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds.

Me hear people, but me not see people. No big deal. Everybody make mistake. Well, hello. I usually don't say this, but you are the most beautiful trio of gigantic ladies...

And rip her shirt a little.

Well, there's certainly no harm in a fertility banquet. I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands. So, we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like?

But why? Why? Why?

This fame film has a juicy part for you... if you completely finance it with your doctor money. So, are you in? Uh, okay. How much do I have to invest? Oh, Not much. Not much. A million dollars.

Take that, Earth! Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you. What? It's full of fat guys in sandals.

Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket. I love you. Washbucket has always loved you. This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while,

Taking her in for a landing. One year to go. Six months. I'm almost there, Leela. One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

Great. We're gonna die. And this ham gum is all bones. Now to present the logistics of our mission the commander in chief.

That smell could be anything-- a faulty stench coil, some cheese on the lens, who knows? Mr. Mayor, we just got this transmission from Neptune. Giant garbage ball... passed close by. Horrible stench!

Go get 'em, boys! And in the world of ultimate robot fighting, the Masked Unit wins his championship bout against Gorgeous Gonks by technical melting. Go, Masked Unit!

Adios. (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther. Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here?

What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow.

Even if it means crashing this ship with us in it. Yeah! Wait. Crashing what with who in it? (EXCLAIMS) (ALL YELLING) Don't worry, Mother, we'll save... (CHOKING) (GLASS SHATTERS)

Hey, who's up for a nice hot steam? We crustaceans don't like steam. I'm going to go work out with the Nautilus. What up, Dr. Z? Yo, yo, yo, whassup? Whassup? Give up the rock! Coed steam rooms... I love the future!

Not that one! The real one, which you switched when Fry stupidly looked away. Hey. Man. Why you got to be so Oracle-y? Fry, you are going to shoot Bender,

Not me! That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. You're Robo-Hungarian? Yes. Our nation's chief export is carnies. If only there were some way I could get to the U.N. to help. There is. Get in, Nonchalanto. Bertha, no! It would kill you!

A lady that fine you got to romance first.

It's okay, Mama. Anyone-a complains, I bend legs up for free.

Ow! I need a calculator. You are a calculator. I mean, a good calculator.

NARRATOR: Look! Up on the drive-thru menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward, Bottomless Boy. Hurry, Captain! A skinny kid needs our help. Super-size me! (BELCHING)

You'll be fine.

(ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good. TRAVERS: With the working class gone, robots were forced to do all the menial labor.

Fry, untie us. Quick. Here I come. Let me just-- one more taste. Mmm. You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.

Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

BENDER: Wake up and feel the coffee! (SPUTTERING) No, I'm late for work again! Sorry I'm late. Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up.

Oh! Ahhh! Hello.

(GRUNTS) There is a way to make a vaccine!

I don't have time for this, robot. Here, patch yourself up with this medicinal wacky pack. (MUTTERING ANGRILY) (SIREN WAILING) (GASPS) It's time! I got a donor nose! There was an accident at the fencing academy.

I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela. (ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope. Really? No, don't get your hopes up. Frankly, she's just a brainless mound of scabs and puss. (EXCLAIMS) I didn't need to hear that. No, and you don't need to see this.

We can't take off without our captain.

This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time.

Shapely, seductive.

Pineapple? Oh, man! So much for that. Hello. I remembered you liked superheroes, so I painted you a mural on your wall. This is Father-Man.

Professor, Amy and I are concerned that... Oh! (SOBBING) Aw, what's wrong? I just want my parents to love me. God, how I hate them! Of course they love you!

Certain clues suggest that the culprit is none other than our own... Philip j. Fry! What? Oh, it was a brilliant scheme,

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve, we'll start with a short film about Bigfoot while I make a few phone calls.

And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible?

This is deodorant. What does it do? Come on in, Gary. I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little. Oh, God, it's true!

thanks to a series of well-placed cameo appearances.

(CRASHING) (CANNED LAUGHTER) It's time to spring into action, gang.

Mommy! What is it, you colicky bastards? We were playing video games, and the other kids didn't play fair. What? Nobody rips off my kids but me!

I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human. Yeah. On your feet for Chief O'Manahan. At ease, cadets. I'll make this short and sweet, 'cause I'm PMSing like a lumberjack.

The crime is unsolvable.

How come we've never been in this room before?

How much more for Phi Beta Kappa?

(TIRES SQUEALING) (WOMAN SCREAMING) (POLICE SIRENS) Yeah. That's great. Now, can you actually turn on the ignition? I don't have any hands.

Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly. I'm a horrible robot! Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack!

I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you? Look, why don't all of you just back off? Can't a girl enjoy herself without being judged?

Come closer. I'll tell you the whole story. Tell you what. Let's get an opaque bubble layer going. Okay, go. It all started a century and a half ago.

Oh... Well, time for this robot to get back to work.

Professor, what are you teaching this semester? Same thing I teach every semester. "The mathematics of quantum neutrino fields." I made up the title so that no student would dare take it. "Mathematics of wonton burrito meals." I'll be there. Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

Yo, freak jobs! Hit the nearest manhole, pronto-like. But we have passes that allow us to be up here. From the mayor himself! I don't know. I never heard of no mayor.

Welcome to Cavern on the Green. May I offer you some meat loaf while you wait? Sorry I'm late! Actually, you're on time. Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now.

Looks like both. I'm afraid my half-brother is correct. You see, I have a terrible secret and that secret is...

Doomed! More fair and balanced coverage after a word from our sponsor, No on Infinity. A storm is gathering. A storm of robosexual marriage that will rain down on us like fire. It's probably a firestorm.

7152 Maple Drive. Sounds nice. Prepare to be surprised.

Oh, right. Sorry, but I've memorized the ceremony by rote, and it mentions her a lot. I'll try to endure. Good. 'Cause I'm not changing it. Now, turn, ye two, and gaze deeply into each other's eyes. What are you lookin' at?

and it's all thanks to being completely immobilized. That's why I'll be proud to go up on stage tomorrow and say, "Look at me, world! I am a broken robot!" Bender, you can move. You're cured. Oh, crap! It's a miracle!

Can't say I miss it. And good old Cookie, the crusty comically inept geological surveyor. Jiggers! I dropped my sexton in the stew. (HORN BLARING) Been up north (ALL GRUNT) Been down south (ALL GRUNT) Got a real weak back (ALL GRUNT)

What's with Seymour? It's like he don't want you to go, or he thinks your pants is too short-- which is crazy 'cause, frankly, you look fabulous. Now get goin'! I won't be gone long, Seymour. just wait here till I come back.

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you. Thanks, but I can look out for myself. Frankly, I can smell danger a mile away. Look out!

You can catch me next week at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut. Enjoy your breakfast.

The others simply aren't levelheaded enough. They're too impulsive-- not like you. Not like old, predictable, dull-as-dishwater Leela. Hello? New boots. That's why I've made you my sole heir.

Fifteen seconds.

You can't bend a wooden door! I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

We've got to get Fry back into that dream so he can remember where he heard those tones. Stop. I'd really rather not relive my last day in the past. It was awful. Hanging out with my crazy family, falling in a cryogenic freezer. Can't you just dissect my brain? With the building shaking like this? No chance.

My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise

Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Wait, let's go by rank. Okay. First Bender, then Flexo, then Fry. Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir." Halt! Who goes there? Don't point that at me.

Okay, just try to be nonchalant. All right, so you're nonchalant.

My name's Marianne. Hello, you!

This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe Universe "A," and this universe Universe "B"? Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know? All right. You can be crummy Universe "A," and we'll be Universe One.

Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo! Let's face it, we're in hot butter here.

Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here. It's horrible-- Eating scraps letting my waste drop wherever it falls like an animal in a zoo. Animals go in the corner. The corner. Why didn't I think of that? Look, Fry, I'd like to help you but it's my wedding, and I'm kind of busy.

We'll deliver that package or die trying. Hey, it's all my favorite patients. And also Captain Tucker. Pow! Whoa! You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious. Zoidberg was popular? Zoidberg had hair? I never said he had hair!

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force.

You killed Fry.

Now we just combine them all into one big Parade Day Parade and get it over with.

in the year 1997. (SHIP HONKING) Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going! (BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit.

Oh! Flexo! So the moral of the story is... if you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it!

Now I'm comin' for to shoot him down Lord, Lord Comin' for to shoot him down

ANNOUNCER: And now All My Circuits, brought to you by Anonyco, the unknown company doing unknown things.

- Don't melt me down into a crowbar - That suffers alone just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing? just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing?

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?

Nice hat! (ALL WHOOPING) But, at long last, this invention will show you. It will show you all! Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you! Wha--

No! Get away from there. That's it!

(CRYING) What the...

Normally, when a cop asks me that, I spray whip cream in his eyes and run away, but to ditch these losers, gladly.

into the deep, dark waters of commitment.

Hello, dearies. Ooh! I love that old bat!

Hey, mon. Happy housewarming, Fry. It's a miniature fruit salad tree. Ooh.

For God's sake, somebody teach me a lesson! We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela! LEELA: No! KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela!

The day I die you'll be a very wealthy woman.

With that odious robot barred from the grounds, the weekly hunt is hereby called once more to order. Let the hunt begin. (ALL CLAMORING) You, sir, have been outfoxed.

Here are our passports, visas, and Homeland Security permission slips, notarized and starched. Okay. I also would have accepted a bribe.

Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy. "Attention, Hermes Conrad. "You are about to receive a letter from The Central Bureaucracy."

Death to all humans! Free soda for all humans!

The British are coming by land, by land. But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington,

And after I dissect the Yeti's poison glands, we can stop, maybe, for ice cream on the way back? With sprinkles on? (CHUCKLES) Why, you're just a big kid, aren't you, Zoidberg? A very big kid! We're over the drop zone, gentlemen. Might I suggest you jump out the door and poop yourselves?

And he's in trouble. That's it. I warned you. Fry, Zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and... So close. (WIND BLOWING) (SHIP CREAKING)

Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things. Things like me, or things like this badminton racquet?

Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime.

FRY: Launch all missiles! Launch all missiles!

I love killing people-- squishing them till their organs squirt out like chunky mustard. Look, everyone loves killing people but I don't want to hurt my friends. Humph!

His legend lives on! So you opened the record vault, and the clover was gone? Yep. Nothing in there but all the best music of the 1980s in one amazing collection. Survivor, Pat Benatar, the Scorpions-- the list goes on.

The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic. Run! Run for your lives! (PANICKING) (CHUCKLES) And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician who didn't know when to give up.

As a doctor and captain of this hospital ship, I now pronounce you man and wife with six months to live.

Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit!

In a stunning turnabout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal. What's next, gay robosexual marriage? (ALL CHEERING) We did it, honey! Finally, we can have a legal, monogamous marriage, like everyone else!

(SCREAMING) (LOUD SLAMMING) (PANTING) (SCREAMS) I'm telling you, something supernatural is happening.

Well, here goes something... Don't make it... Don't make it! Son of a fish! Jumping is for suckers.

Spin those fans, baby! All right, mama! Spin it, baby.

I thank you, Fry. You know, you and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you... friend. Episode 10. "Balance of Terror." More like episode nine, loser! In your face! Victory is mine!

You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening. But when they noticed that you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch. So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles. But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns.

He tied with Fry. I guess he realized I was right when I told him to go back to the jungle. You what?! After I spent months slaving over a hot monkey brain? Hey, don't blame me. You tried to force Guenter to be a human but he's an animal. He belongs in the wild... or in the circus on one of those tiny tricycles.

Bubblegum, the Trotters are down by six. Reactions? It was always our plan to trail at the half, thus deepening Earth's eventual humiliation. Also, what game were the refs watching?

(CLEARING THROAT) Ladytrons and gentlebots... Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose. I'm going to allow them for now. Thank you. Your Honor, this meat-man does not deny that we robots are the glorious product of evolution.

Very well. Which is larger, an Italian size four or an American Apparel medium? How many calories are in a small green tea yogurt? Name any 12 of the Desperate Housewives. How was your day?

Edna. Edna, it's me, Zoidberg. Remember? From high school? You used to laugh at me because my face was covered with barnacles? Zoidberg? Well, I didn't know you were back in town. I heard you went off and became a rich doctor. I've performed a few mercy killings.

Oh, yeah! Bam it again, Elzar! Knock it up another notch.

Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good! Leela, are you there?

Razzma flazzma plasma. We must be close. We're hitting an occasional (SQUEAKY VOICE) helium pocket. (LOUD RUMBLING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) We don't have much time! Keep moving forward! Screw that! I'm getting out of here.

Ah! Time for the mornings meltsdowns. (BREATHING HEAVILY) I'll pay you back, I swear. Yeah, yeah, I heards its befores.

Hey! By the way, try washing your wrist sometime. Well, we can live without machines. I was in Webelos. Are you mad? Without machines, who will feed us and clothe us and compose our smooth jazz?

It wasn't supposed to do any of those things. You did it, Johnny. I'm cured! (ALL GASP)

I have amnesia! Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian? Before I kill you, I must ask you one question. Who am I? For I have... amnesia!

Hmm. Whistlin' Dixie! I want this sent to Area 51 for study. But, sir, that's where we're building the fake moon landing set. Then we'll have to really land on the moon. Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

He looks radiant.

Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out? Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs. Only when he's in them, and you know it. You really hurt his feelings. Don't girl me with that girl stuff. Bender and me are guys. Guys don't have feelings. Bender's not a guy; he's a robot.

Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody.

Zapp Brannigan! What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born

Husband, no! Out of my way, wife!

Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake. Okay, nearing our era again. Here we go. Careful this time. Careful. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay. Hurry. Let's get it over with.

And she lived in a magical one-room... Castle? Yeah, if you believe the listing agent. Anyhow, one day, the princess went off to tell a story. And then, that's exactly what she did do, that. And they all lived happily ever after. The end. Miss Leela? I have a question.

Yeah. It's pretty romantic. I mean platonic. Th-That sure is one platonic view.

How? You were an orphan, and now you're the best writer ever. So I knew I could write, too. Thank you for being my hero. I can't do this anymore.

Huh? (SQUAWKS) The sky is falling! I say, I say, the sky is falling! (GRUNTS) (SQUAWKS) (SCREAMING)

Signing bills into law was always your dream, not mine. Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more!

the power of 10 billion black holes will smoosh Bender and me together...

(SCREAMING) Get off! Let's get the pizza out of here!

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

All right, let's get to work. Let's see. If that's Hypodermic Ridge then the bomb must go right here.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up!

He knew that if he scared the Globetrotters away from the big basketball game, disappointed fans would flock to his kabuki theater.

superheroes cause a lot of collateral damage, and we don't want to get our butts sued. Or do we? No, I guess not. Also, if our identities get out, every crook in the city will be after us, or, God forbid, our loved ones.

Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name?

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go.

Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you. Always dying her hair instead of not looking in a box.

Mark, set, go, yo! One more lap!

God help us! Okay, keep an eye out for Bender. So what did you think of the movie? Uh... too much romance not enough human killing. Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

The Gender Bender! Boo!

Bender! Shut the hell up!

As the duly elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Yeah, but what if management remains "intragnizent"? From the context, it is clear what you mean.

Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

People, as you know, our young sons have become great successes in the very same field as us. Yeah. That's great. Hey! All right. Naturally, we're humiliated. That's why we need you, our loyal crew, to make Planet Express 800% more profitable.

FRY: And the rest! Hooray! We're back in business. Over my dead body. Uh, never mind. (BENDER GRUNTING) Bender, are the stem cells working? Ow!

jiggle the cord.

All our horses are 100% horse-fed... for that double-horse, juiced-in goodness.

That's for schoolgirls. Now here's a route with some chest hair. But that course leads directly through a swarm of comets. Yes, comets. The icebergs of the sky. By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed we might just get some kind of gravity boost... or something.

Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life! I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together. LEELA: Help, help! Oh! Leela, don't worry, we're here to rescue you! How do we get up there?

No, wait! I've got it! I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry.

Got you! Sucker! Friends, help! A guinea pig tricked me.

and best of all, you'll go out with me? Fry, please try to understand. You're a man. I'm a woman. We're just too different. Hey, Leela! Bubblegum might let me organize a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. Can you teach me to make cupcakes?

My friends, let us share this booze in a toast to our dear friend, Bender. (ALL CHOKING) Oops.

Not that ceiling fan. (EXCLAIMS) In fact, looking ahead, it's obvious Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this. Hmm. Who's up for a turkey dinner and a game of badminton? Say what?

What do you stupid voters want now?

Don't you know anything about girls? "Dear Diary, I just made love for the second time."

Hey, you. What, with the no boxes? Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere.

Fry, don't die! Wake up!

This oven is lightning fast. It takes only five hours to cook a roast. Ooh! That's good news. You know, you really don't cook enough roasts, Leela. Ohh. Women!

Oh, I get it. This is cute.

Oh, how could I have put that bomb timer on upside down? I could swear I followed the manual precisely. I'm a dried-up husk of a scientist.

It all begins in a cold, freshwater stream, where the salmon eggs incubate. I'm born, baby! The new hatchlings are known as "fry." What's your name? I don't have a name. I'm a salmon. After three years in the stream,

Ladies and gentlemen, the moon! Look. The first fish to crawl up on land. It was coming right at us! You saw it. I'm gonna grab another beer.

Yes! He looks radiant.

That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man!

What if Fry was supposed to get frozen? Yes. Shove him in the tube. It was my idea. Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this! Get in the tube, dummy. We only have a few seconds before the universe is destroyed.

Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast! Holy frijoles! All bow before the great Metal Lord! Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

My roommate's a monkey? Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species.

Leela, Leela Leela, save him Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off To have my doctor check this cough Good-bye

- And then we can go home. - Hit it.

Uh, no. Oh. Somebody knows something she's not telling.

Tuh. Black holes don't need food. Neither do nerds. My Manwich!

Did you hear something? Nah, it was probably just a golden marmoset.

If you even tell anyone I was here, they'll say I set the fire. So, please, for me, cram it? No! The world has to know that... AMY: Fry? Are you down here? He's all right! Praise Gilgamesh!

Yes! I stopped the crime without shooting you. The Oracle was wrong. PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why?

Move it, you ugly normals! Whoa! Huh? I'm getting dizzy. I can't walk straight.

For one brief moment, I felt the heartbeat of creation, and it was one with my own. Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it.

I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu. I don't like you. This is going to be a cake walk. Welcome to the history of the 20th century.

Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad.

Well, he lost my vote.

I will now carry out the sentence. Kif, my gun. Wait! He pled "not guilty." Order! Order in the court! Very well then, Mr. Fry. Please recount the events that led you to be guilty.

Edna? I couldn't stand it any longer. I... Fry! Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck!

I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out?

Dear Captain's Diary-- I may not have found love on this mission but I did find a cute little companion who excretes starship fuel, and that's just as good. Captain's journal: Stardate, uh-- April 13.

I may not be clever, but I have a good heart. That's what my mom used to say. She was a wise woman. Also, that I'm not much to look at. A wise woman, indeed.

- Didn't we used to be a delivery company? - To the ship.

You suck! Get a job!

Not inno-guilty-cent.

Well, we're bankrupt in six, five, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) four, three, (FARNSWORTH PANTING) two, one. And we're out of business.

It's so unfair. A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook, doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Exciting news, people! The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived. Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman.

Lights. Camera one. Camera two. Camera three.

And... action! "Miss McNeal... "I'm afraid I must decline "your offer of marriage "for you see, I'm dying. Cough, then fall over dead." "My God, he's dead." "I will now make my closing statement.

I've devised a way to save you and stop global warming at the same time. Granted, you're all blasting out greenhouse gases-- You're one to talk! But we can use those very gases to save the planet.

Why aren't we out doing everything I ever dreamed of? Hey, you know what might be a hoot? No. Why would I know that? Let's take the rest of the morning off... and take Fry to do everything he ever wanted to do. Everything? Except that.

separating out everyone who isn't the mother-- uh, father-- uh, whatever. Whoa! Faster! Faster!

Creatures have taken over my house They want my food and my skin and my time Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is

Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow.

Aah. I don't know how you did that. Yee-aah!

Man, these hands do everything but pick your nose. (EXCLAIMS) (SNIFFS) Wow. Well picked. I had a nice picking last time I was here. Come on, let's take a walk. I'll show you around.

Well, I'm tired of this room and everyone in it.

Whatcha eating? Lobster. You want some? Sure. You know, I think I finally figured out what's behind all these mysterious deaths. Really? Was Planet Express built on an Indian graveyard? No. No? No. Then... Then...

Well, here goes. Bubkes. Well, I feel better now. Pawning all the stuff in Fry's locker helped give me closure.

They say a spoonful of space honey... helps ease the pain.

it's time to hit them where they sit by bending the West Side Pipeway to return all sewage to the surface. But who could possibly bend such a huge pipe? (SOBBING) So lonely. Poor, sad Bender. - Hey, buddy. - (GASPING)

If you want to save this company, you should listen to a woman's idea for once.

Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope, high in the Himalayas, to search for him.

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion! Last one. Oh!

We've got to hurry! The kids have only one change of pants! We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again.

Oh! They thought this Vaxtron could replace me? A pox on all their beach houses! I think Vaxtron brings an air of edgy detachment to the show. Who is she? Don't worry about it. Not important.

Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses. There's no one by that name here or anywhere. I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

It's so quiet. I'm surprised we're the only couple out in Central Park. In this remote, unlit area. On Batman's night off. Oh!

Dude, the Fountain of Aging must be on the sun itself! Shut up! I was gonna say that.

Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix? For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell... but lead a rich inner life.

That's my style. I like to kick 'em when they're down.

I also have a tail! Now, take me to the hospital and put my eye back the way it was. Right now! Why should I do that? Listen, buddy. By the end of the day, one of us is gonna have one eye!

(BOTH EXCLAIM) Ironic! Whoa! It's the police! Let's turn and burn! Running off, eh? You're pathetic!

Oh, g-give me back my hands! These things are always touching me in places. Yeah, they get around. But I'm afraid we had a deal. Oh, looks like I wasted a bus trip. Yes, you did.

Technically, no. But I do see him each night in my dreams... and each day in the smiling faces of hairy children. Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot's droppings or shut up! I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot. Shut up! Oh, my God! Look! It's Bigfoot! Where?

That's exactly what I was thinking.

(CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not.

I don't know what it's like to be a mutant. But I want to know. Wait. I never meant for you to... Oh, no! Fry! Fry! No! No!

It's Mars' happiest place on Earth! (LAUGHS) This much money could feed a small, starving planet. But it doesn't! (GROANING EXCITEDLY) I'll just reach down and get that. (LAUGHS) (SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking.

Of course! Having no mouths or ears, they could only communicate through motions. Or perhaps by odors. That is how you communicate. (ALL LAUGHING) Then our only hope to talk to them is by doing a peace dance. But it will have to be smoother and more fluid than any movement mankind is capable of. What if we hire a buttered geisha? Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry?

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus.

(BOTH GROANING)

See you at the fight. So then I said, "See you at the fight,"

I'm gonna tap-dance on her grave some day!

Are you all right? Has he hurt you? No. But my allergies are going nuts. Oh, God! Every couch and table has animal fur all over it. He lets 'em climb on everything! All right, Zookeeper. What do you want? Why, the Quantum Gemerald, of course. You must steal it for me by midnight,

we can fly north and hide under the polar ice caps for a few weeks. Good idea. What's the holdup? Fleeing somewhere?

Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir, I'm-- I'm a little nervous about meeting her family.

Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up. How about Camptown Races? MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

Yep. Oh, thanks, baby.

But, Leela, we're no good. Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of disappointing myself. I'm not scared of that at all. Hooh!

Leela, we want you to be captain again. Let me guess: he canceled nap time? He ran out of beer? So he's about to kill us. We want Leela to be captain again. So, it's mutiny, is it? I never thought I'd see the day.

common cold and...

What's that? I don't know, but it's infectious.

Yea! It seems the youthasizing tar was saturated with time-altering chronitons. A thin layer is still stuck to our D.N.A., as well as Bender's robo or "R.N.A." - Question. - Yes? You stink. Yes, yes. Anyhow,

There we go. Here it is. The Breakfast Club soundtrack. You mean breakfast club sandwich. I hid my seven-leaf clover in this very record jacket...

Ma'am, it has become too much of a chore for me... to clean out my wrinkles each day. Is it true that stem cells may fight the aging process? Well, yes, in the same way an infant may fight Muhammad Ali, but-- One pound of stem cells, please!

Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong. But all I really wanted was a mom and dad... to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me. Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be... a holding, stroking, loving machine, also spanking.

How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter. - What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww. Oh, it's hopeless.

Yet, thanks to my trusty safety sphere, I sublibed with only tribial brain dablage.

Good for him. My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution... as well as dark wizards.

You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Please read this 55-page warrant There must be robots worse than I We checked around, there really aren't Then please let me explain My crimes were merely boyish pranks You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks Aw, don't blame me, blame my upbringing Please stop sinning while I'm singing

Giant space robot, this is Captain Fry of the U.S.S. Planet Express ship. We come in peace. Tough luck!

Crazy gibberish. Don't you have any worthwhile inventions? Why, certainly. Step over here. These are the dark-matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours. That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light. Of course not.

Bingo. Oh, mama. Oh, yeah. Someone's been a bad computer. Get a load of that!

Hey, what the-- Take this and that and one of these. Hey, cut it out. I don't need this kind of publicity. Ah! Oh! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah! Ooh-ah-ooh!

Ah. There we are. One gravity pump powerful enough to move the stars themselves. Now to begin the arduous task of attaching it to the ship so-- Off you go, apparently.

when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe! Oh, God. I'm sorry, Leela. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe you and I were meant to build a new world here.

Bender's got the upper hand now. The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet! I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing. Please, stay calm. There's no need to bounce off the handle. That's it, I'm saying it!

You're so desperate for glory, you made up this whole crazy story. Here's your medal, hero.

We have nothing to fear but running out of beer. (SIGHS) All right, one small get-together, but let's keep it quiet and dignified. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right!

Restrain the specimen. ...Some of that special sauce. Stop eating Popplers! They can talk! Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

I like you. You do? Look, are you going to help or not?!

Are you sure I have to sit in your lap? It'll help us achieve maximum thrust. Ugh! Ugh! I made you some trail mix for the flight. Also, this picture, to remember me. You hold on to it.

Hell hath no fury like the vast robot armies of a woman scorned. She commands them with a remote control she keeps in her... bra. But if the glasses man makes up with Mommy she'll be happy and stop the scary robots. Make up with her? After she went all psycho when I thought everything was cool? Impossible!

Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps! Why do you think they call me...

Quit touching my stuff.

Got you, you murderous flesh-piles. Your honor, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest may case.

Amy, here's your designer lingerie catalog Fry, Sadie's Bra Parade And, Leela, Bulk Underpants Outlet.

(GROANS) Just give me the fruit cup. Okey-doke. What kind of cheese filling you want in that?

Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

Is he genetically engineered?

That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused. (HUMMING) (GASPS) Zuban tobacco? The richest, most obnoxious kind! Listen, pal, I'm looking for a versatile smoke, one that's equally good in a crowded elevator or an audience with the Pope.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home.

I'm telling you it spoke to me. Come on, little Poppler. Say "Mama." Look, Leela, even if you heard one talk that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk, and we eat them, right? Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry.

Once they examine my fragile, naked, pink body, they'll see I'm not a-- Whoa--

The brave warriors of Earth, under the command of General Major Webelo Zapp Branigan, have achieved victory over the spider home world. And to the victor belong the spoils-- one trillion dollars in silken treasure.

Look. Um, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but you forced me to. I can't go out tonight because... I have sweaty boot rash!

which, it turns out, is a lot. Oh, Fry. I love you more than the moon and the stars and the-- Poetic image number 37 not found. What are you doing, darling? Get down!

Yeah, very funny.

She nagged you, tormented you and pushed you around. That is my job!

Futurama is brought to you by... Glagnar's Human Rinds. It's a buncha muncha cruncha humans!

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop--

You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you-- If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure. Well, rest assured,

Hey, don't cut that. I need that to speak. Oh, my-- Great Roosevelt's ghost! Take this, Mr. President, sir!

Kif, you did it! But how did you know the dynamite would work? I once took a seminar in ejecting chickens from a sand dune. The principle's essentially the same. Hey, it's that "barbecue's over" sound again.

Ooh! My popcorn's done. Aw. It's less popped than ever. I don't know what happened, but we've taken on a lot of clocks. Let's get back home.

And then I ate some excellent meatballs.

And let it ride! (ALL GASP) Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment. No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

the question on everyone's mind is who will be the next president of Earth-- Jack johnson, or bitter rival john jackson? Two terrific candidates, huh, Morbo? All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo.

And have ourselves a really good time Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind...

Dr. Franklin, your new steam engine is here. I ain't no stinking steam engine! (TIMER DINGS) Chicken's ready. You may go, Louisa. Now I get it.

Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating! You don't have a heart. You're a robot. Sure. Right. Robot. Oh, Fry, my skin's all dry and clanky! Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal. Am I a robot?

Whee! What happened? I don't know. I think I saved us somehow. Go after them! The waters can't mutate us mutants!

Oh, no! Could the seed have been contaminated by a virus from the germ vault? Yeah, I suppose. Wait. This could be a good thing. That weaponized virus made the sickly, little tree grow big and strong.

May death come quickly to his enemies.

Everybody sing jamaica jamaica just the bureaucrats jamaica just the grade 19s jamaica Sing me home When push comes to shove you've got to do what you love Even if it's not a good idea.

A reunion at your old orphanarium, eh? - You gonna go? - No way, josÉbot. I never want to see those other orphans again. Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye!

Life is good. Why would a robot need to drink? I don't need to drink. I can quit anytime I want.

Quit badgering the witness.

Look, so we're not millionaires. At least we all still get to work together. Shut your fat mouth. See you guys Monday!

Correct! Worm eggs. And the mayonnaise was probably none too fresh either. It's nauseatin', mon! Is there no way to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry... in this!

It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop. One word-- Thundercougarfalconbird. The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down. And the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards.

Ooh, razza frazza duplicator. Now for some tasty matter. (DINGING)

Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands. At last! At last I have the power to make Leela love me! Oh, sorry. That'll wear off in a couple of days.

Intricate filigree, satanic symbols. Looks like one of mine. (GASPS) But no, this is a fake! Duh. It says, "Colony of Maffachufetts." More like Taxachufetts. (SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads.

Hey Leela, want to know what the most beautiful thing is? No. Let's get hopped up. Greetings, eco-tourists! I am the grand butterfly curator... This week. Yeah, yeah, you can teach us to respect nature later.

Your Honor, I move that I be disbarred... for introducin' this evidence against my own clients.

Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me! Oh, God, what have I done? I just told you. You've killed me!

Aha! Found you. Okay, now you go hide. Nice knowing you. Ahh!

Hey, Leels. Hi, Cubert. May we help you, strange ones?

Edna! Ew! My God! The frenzy!

I'll thinks it overs while I engages this $5 hooker. Don't do it! It's not worth it! Okay, make it $3. Yuck! I don't wants no $3 hooker. I'm going backs to the adults bookstore. Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library.

Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad. The pineal neurotoxin neutralizes the adrenal neurotoxin. That's why Yetis don't drive themselves mad. (ROARING) My God, he's like some kind of believable Hulk.

Scruffy, a janitor.

Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

I did something so great that it won Leela's heart, and I'll never ever know what it was. My life is empty. Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips.

See you at my funeral, suckers!

File not found.

No, I didn't. I'm almost positive you did. Add in the carryover from form 16-A, then deduct line 2-B. Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's still on your side. Hey, someone dropped a shiny, diamond ring down here.

Comedy come from character, real situations, not abstract craziness. Translation-- boring.

Ah, close enough. Come on in. Thanks. Here's your finger back.

(CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah!

Why is it called an eyePhone? I'll explain after I install it. (SCREAMING)

That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2! It's my brains against your Von Braun! Ach! I could have fired a V-8! (GRUNTS)

You do? Look, are you going to help or not?!

Now that you're here, this hellhole feels more like a nice, regular hole. What do you say we go get some sewer coffee, sewer cake and Safeway ice cream. (SPUTTERING) Well, the bottom's all stocked with cheap stuff. Who's in the mood to party?

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say.

I've finished talking, sir. Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea.

Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky,

Sweet gorilla of Manila! A letter from The Central Bureaucracy.

But wait, there's more! We've got a whole lineup of inventors tonight starting with that up-and-coming young star Ogden Wernstrom.

Mind if I tag along? I've got to bring my ass in for servicing. The recall notice says it could burst into flame in a low-speed collision. No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately. I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender.

You bastard! I'll kill you! You bastard!

Up yours, Zoidberg-- up wherever your species traditionally crams things.

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window

(YELLS) Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper. It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals. But not for long. What's in the tube? Microscopic Nanobots.

You remind me of Enos. Would you mind walking me home? How far is it?

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew! Oh, and Kif is pregnant.

I, too, have a confession. You see, here on Planet Vinci, I am the stupidest person. What? Who'd possibly think you're stupid?

You shut up, please.

So much for this garbage! Take that, Beethoven, you deaf bastard!

That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back?

Jim? The news is not good. I've just learned that my final words were, "Back to you, Linda." (LAUGHING) One for the blooper reel.

(PANTING) (GRUNTS)

Is there water there, too? Sure. Sometimes it falls from the sky. - Hmm. - And sometimes it doesn't. Oh, Mr. Fry, you do go on.

The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing... until I have signaled the start of combat. Okay, start.

Thank you very much. This is truly another honor.

I thought I could live alone, but I can't so I'm going to do what it takes to be your roommate again. Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good. Can I give you a hand?

And when I say killer app, I mean killer app! (SINISTER LAUGH)

We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.

Hello, Leela. You're fired. I know. I'm sorry, but it's just that you're over a year late for work at this point. Let the games begin!

(SNEEZES) Get away, you mangy ball of histamines.

Nor is Captain Branigan. Oh, thank you, merciful God. Zoidberg, what the hell were you doing in there? That's where I live. I have no home.

Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough! Fry, it is my duty to inform you...

Oh, my! Here we go, y'all! Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry.

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Oh, I think I got whiplash. You can't have whiplash. You don't have a neck. I meant ass whiplash. I'm just glad we hit something. I thought we'd never stop. I think I got whiplash.

In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half

Listen up, Hollywood! We're an exciting new mob! Yeah! You better believe it! Great Shatner's ghost! We demand that all TVs be equipped with a B-Chip... that blocks Bender from appearing on the screen!

Maybe we can do better for her.

LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you. (LAUGHS) And finally, our new employee of the month is Fry. He's really been putting his nose to the grindstone, according to Bender's constant updates.

Amy? But that means-- Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand. That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love."

We just got to limbo. But I'm not designed to bend that low, not without limbo music. (BULLETS STRIKING RHYTHMICALLY) That'll do it! Ow! Ow! Ow! (GRUNTS) We're gonna get fired. Someone said fire.

What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news. (SOBBING)

No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk?

"M"! Is he right? Yes. The number I was thinking of was the letter "M." (YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

Of course. How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up?

I need to calm down. I better take some more of that space honey.

So many memories. So many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies. Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug! You kept track of it all these years.

And sure enough-- Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

I don't know why I go to him. I don't miss twice, campers.

Do I hear wedding bells? What? No!

Everyone's dead. Stay tuned for another tale of holiday hilarity. MAN: Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama. Okay, crew. Xmas break is over.

to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

See, with all Salmonella and me been through, her sound is unique. All your fancy technology will never be able to copy this guitar. Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar. Tell me, Dr. Beeler. Will I need to threaten you? Not at all. You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object,

This one time, I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.

Oh, really? Let the hunt begin! Sir, I leave you with this one final thought. (SCREAMING)

Hey, Fry, think fast. Get it? It's chlorine.

(DOORBELL CHIMES) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! May I crash on your couch?

I've got a Baggie of massage oil, and I'm gonna give you my super back rub, just like I used to give Amy when I was going out with her,

You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate. He could be back any second. Not likely. I ordered him to flush out the professor's ear wax. Hey, Fry, I made you a candle with--

This is Vergon 6. This is Vergon 6.

Ow! Oh! Oh! Ow! My eye!

Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible?

This one we're in seems pretty close. (SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink! We should have brought a gun.

Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time, I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy?

If it takes forever I Will wait For you For A thOusand summers I Will wait For you

Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves

Hey, I'm trying to score here. Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign? No! No!

Their programming leaked into the castle's wiring through this old abandoned modem allowing them to project themselves as holograms. Of course! It was so obvious. Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense. We really should tell Bender there's nothing to be afraid of.

Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say. Very well, then. Sad, sad, terrible, gruesome news about my colleague, Dr. Mobutu. Was his apartment rent controlled?

What do you stupid voters want now?

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FARNSWORTH: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.

you were the only one immune to the brains' mental attack. Because I'm so smart? Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave.

Bender? Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not.

According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into... this pinup calendar.

Company, attack!

Excellent. Excellent. Leela, please. This is exactly what Melllvar wants. We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers.

Help! Mechanical man overboard!

Can do! Leela, you should really try a facial scrub for your pores. Aah!

The stock's only worth three kajiggers! Ah, come on! Dagnabbit! My jah! It's worth less now than when it was worthless! It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off! Ah-ha! Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio...

Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it. Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute. Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long. It's okay, Bender. I like cooking, too.

some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal. I kind of hoped this whole experience... would have left you a little more open to your sensitive side.

Side A: We're a community of outdated robots... who refused to upgrade and came here-- Side B: To live a simpler existence, free of technology. A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys went obsolete years ago.

Good work. Right on, Professor. So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer." Oh, a man can dream, though. A man can dream.

Barrels here! Can't go over the falls without a barrel! What are my chances of surviving in one of those? Slim to none. I like those odds.

Bender! Down with Bender!

Don't be jealous. Without his special hat Guenter might be no more intelligent than you. Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered. That'll show him.

If you fail, you'll spend eternity here in robot hell. Which, as luck would have it, is where I rehearse my band. Hit it, boys! Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em... Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it! Just stop the damn music!

that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! (EXCLAIMS)

May death come quickly to his enemies. Who's kicking who around now?

It's cool. Back off!

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't. She's just a machine that-- Stay away from our women!

I know, right? Also, I've decided to drop out of school. Well, I got my tuition back, minus $9,000 for the damage I caused to the dean's wife. Yo, welcome to the gang, Homes. I'm Fabricio. Here's your Jostens ring.

All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait!

And here's something. Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs. You find something, Hermes? Ah, no.

you're going to separate the yolk from your genetically enhanced eggplant and then give the whole thing a good blast from your spice weasel. Bam! Hey, what you watching? Uh, nothing. Is that a cooking show? No, of course not. It was, uh... porno. Yeah, that's it.

Can counsel cite precedent? Uh, yes, darlin', I can. In State of Alabama versus Giant Space iguana, chewin' the corners off the Constitution... was deemed non-protected speech. He shut you up, O'Connor. Mr. Waterfall, you may now present arguments... on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg.

Does he not know? He does not know. He knows not? Knows not does he! Not he knows? Enough!

jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk?

Zapp is a jerk. I insist you break up with him. Why can't you just let me be happy? After all these years, I'm going places I've never been, and having sex there. You're too old to be happy. I'm not too old to enjoy hot sex with Zapp. Ugh! Sex with Zapp! (GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp!

You're probably wondering why your ice cream went away. Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners.

Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa!

Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself, are you funky enough to be a Globetrotter? Are you? Yes. Are you? I mean, with time, my funk level could-- Are you? No. Deal with it.

...For the Flintstone Flop Flop Tammy D gets biz on the crops Crops Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mm, drop? Ow! How's it going? Ow! Enjoying the show? Ooh! Ow! Don't forget to pick up a T-shirt. Wow, an old- fashioned mosh pit. Come on, guys.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs. Behold!

All right. Cool your jets, hotshot. Come on, Leela. Why won't you go out with me? We both know there's something there. No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face. Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah!

But I can't play anymore!

Conquering things, I guess. I could conquer Earth, kill all humans. That's a thought. No! We don't need a war of the worlds. That's it! We need a war of the worlds!

Will you push me? I already did. Thank you!

Leela, those eyes look so great on you. Bah! I think she looked fine before. Wow! Look at me! Although I don't have the hang of blinking yet. You'll get it. Personally, I try not to blink too much, because it seems flashy. But when I do, I enjoy it.

(BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING)

A letter from Bender, my good friend. "Dear Dr. jerkberg "If you're reading this, I'm already dead. "The person who killed me Was-- was--"

BENDER: Okay, Leela, decision time. How do we murder the guards? Hockey sticks or sharpened footballs? We're not murdering anyone, Bender. Then how are we going to get in, by bending the bars of this exhaust grate? That's not a bad idea, Fry. Yeah, what?

Hey, you know what always cheers you up? Baking me a nice tray of sugar cookies. How about these cookies, sugar? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't even exist. But I do exist, which proves you can't really be my grandm-- Mmm!

Orange? Purple? Do I know you? Have we met?

One, two! one, two, three!

No, the light! I guess I'm off to hell.

A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain. This capital city Planet Amazonia. Where are all the men in your society? Men die out many year ago. With all these women around, they were probably nagged to death. Are you with me, fellas?

Ray-blocking power!

Stop me if I'm going too fast for you. So much information, and yet, somehow I feel as if I know it all already. This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess of beauty. Hmm. You got any sacred artwork of her from the back? Her perfect eye reminds me of yours, Leela. Had our race survived you would have been a temple priestess or a supermodel.

Single female lawyer where were you on the night of August 23? Sleeping with you. Aha!

Now with the horror hair.

Anyway, using this simple formula, I can generate as many hit folk songs as I want.

Okay, take a deep breath.

Well, you could bother me a little.

I'm done polishing my ass, Fry. Here's your toothbrush back. (GASPING) (SCREAMING)

And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." (CRY OF PAIN) I would never shoot Bender. Never! He taught me how to shave. (ALARMS)

To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions. You think I want to party? I'm sick of partying.

So, Hank-- the bad Hank-- just how blowful were you? Well, I had a low batting average. Low? It was zero, you fungo. You went your whole career without getting a hit. Leela can beat that. She's pitched her whole career without getting an out. You stink, lady! Hey, junior. She belongs in the exhibit instead of you.

Silence, puny audience! And welcome to Who Dares To Be A Millionaire? Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability,

Yep. They get a big shipment every Saturday! What's this? It's some kind of chicken hat! It's cute. So why does it make me feel, I don't know, sad?

This whole sector is uncharted. It is not uncharted. You lost the chart.

Ah, pooh! We're even younger! Damn! The bacteria pigged out on the tar, and now they're getting freaky-deeky, spreading chronitons throughout our systems! We're getting younger by the minute!

What is that sexy stink?

The Earth is born! Ladies and gentlemen, the moon!

There's only two of them. Wait. You want me to do two things? Man, I'd call my lawyer if dialing a phone wasn't such a hassle. Razza frazza two things. Ooh, razza frazza duplicator.

there was never any real peril.

and as soon as I stop hallucinating and blasting puke, I'm gonna teach you to sell pizza, Earth-style. Oh, thank you, magic biped! Mm-mm-mm! You save us-a, sir. If we cannot-a make-a Earth-a pizza, our dream-a will die, just like rats we crush to make the wine.

Why did you drag me back to this mortal realm? I was enjoying a happy death, thinking I had died a star, until you showed up. Sorry. Let us make it up to you. How about we kill you again? Never. I'd be dead for all eternity knowing everyone thinks I'm a washed-up ham.

Hello, beautiful. I got these for you. Thanks.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad!

Sure, they exhibit all the telltale signs. Toenails growing, hearts pumping fluid, the whole shmagoigle.

And hard-working.

What the hell happened? Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here. All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly.

Good night forever, my turtledove. Good night, Calculon. What did you say? I said you two don't dress trampy enough! I still got it!

- We're in the eye of the storm! - Where? What's that? Oh, my God! Who are they? Feh. We are the native Martians.

Oh-oh! Nerds. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender?

I met her a year ago when we were escaping from that cruise ship... you piloted directly into a black hole.

(WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale. (WHALE SINGING)

Ooh, that's snug.

Farewell. Noooo! She's gone.

It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler.

And down the stretch, it's Daddy's Little Grandpa, followed by Perennial Loser and bringing up the rear, it's Lasty! Come on, Lasty! Hey, Bender. Duh, Roberto! Ooh, what a surprise to see you in here! Especially 'cause I didn't squeal on ya, remember?

It's time to take action. Stephanie, cancel the maid for today. Have her come tomorrow. Well, I'm out of ideas. Anyone? Wait. If we could build an object the exact size, density and consistency of the garbage ball it might just knock the ball away without smashing it to bits.

Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Good! That's real good.

Oh, honey, I dig you so much.

(MR. CHUNKS SNEEZES) Ew! He sneezed in it. Oh, God, I'm going to lose the bet. I'm gonna have to swim in the juice of the Puke-Me-Poop-You. Don't give up. You just need more titillating twits. Trust me, I want twits that tittle. Then you're gonna have to sink to Bender's level. Stop acting like the Queen of England.

the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider. Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen.

Wow, you guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb? Yeah, but nobody's that observant. It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing. Nibbler? Come to daddy, sweetie-ookums. So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here? No. That's just an urban legend.

This is M-5438, an entity of pure energy. That's great really, but he's just not what I'm looking for.

Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting! I can't stand it! Okay. You can have my hand. Wonderful! just sign here.

Then it wasn't your body they found in the harbor after the bomb went off. What bomb?

I can quit anytime I want. So, they made you a delivery boy, huh?

Dear Lord, we've got robots on the ceiling!

Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here. I'm the monster. (PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went.

I... Ow! My leg, it's broken. How'd you get down here? We made a rope from my shirt and jacket and an expedition flag from my underpants. I'll help you up. Here, take my hand. Stop telling me to take your hand. Look, Fry, your noble gestures keep making things worse.

Let's see if this actually works. Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! My face! My face too! May i? Hyah!

And the professor's a senile, amoral crackpot. - Oh, ay, eeh, ay. - Hermes is a Rastafarian accountant. Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

Good! That's real good. Okay, everybody switch demons. No point in staying with just one demon.

Bam! Ooh, I love your boots, Leela. Nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs. How could you tell? I guessed. (YOWLS) They're at it again. Please, Fry. Girlfriends always talk trash to each other. Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps.

Oh, Kif, it was so romantic of you to rent this paddleplane... with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting. I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo.

Whoa. A real-live robot. Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass.

On that corner, some guy with a bushy beard handed out a Socialist newsletter. Was it poorly xeroxed? You better believe it! The old comedians were right. This place is a lot different from L.A.

Leave me alone.

Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do.

Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse?

If I were in charge, I wouldn't treat you like this. You're nothing but a big blowhard. Sir, you forget yourself. Shut up! Being captain is obviously more important to you than being my friend.

You have to learn to work together again. The crazy tablecloth man is right. It's time to set aside our differences. Black stripe, yellow stripe. At the end of the day, we're just a couple of darn talking space bees. Hey, forget about it.

Is that really what happened in the Bible? It's a sick and twisted book of holiness, all right. Then we'll write our own Bible. With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples!

The lady from work is winning! Looks like you're about to lose to a minivan. Unless you have any surprise moves you've forgotten about. No, no. Wait! (READING) (BRAKE SCREECHES) (CRACKLING) (FARNSWORTH EXCLAIMING)

I am Melllvar! Seer of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble before my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek!

We didn't need a mechanical washing unit to wash our clothes. We just used a washing machine. And look, you don't need an electric can opener to feed yourself. All you need is a trusty Swiss Army knife. Ow! I'm hungry.

Why didn't I break his legs?!

the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be. I'm kind of a harpoon snob, and let me say, that thing is gorgeous. But do you really need chest artillery? It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe. Oh, Mark 7-G?

This is all my fault.

I can't believe it! I love you!

TAKEI: Help. Help. Let's see who this dragon ghost really is. (SQUEAKING) ALL: George Takei? That's right. And I would never have gotten away with it, regardless of you meddling kids.

Flexo? Bender? Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison...

Oh, God, no! It's not a big deal. I get so lonely. I just thought you, a fellow captain, would understand. Aw, forget it. Yeah, it's great ordering people around and stuff but through it all, you're completely alone. It comes with the job.

our flag, Ol' Freebie. I'm swelling with patriotic mucus. In our darkest hour, we can stand erect... with proud, upthrust bosoms. Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

I checked on a guy once. I checked him into tiny pieces! Bender? Nope, don't recollect nobody by that name. But let me ask my son-in-law, Billy? Yes, Moon-Pa? These nice big-city hillbillies are looking for someone named Bender. You know him?

No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser. Sir, I don't think that's wise. Kiff, if there's one thing I don't need it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.

I am a battle-droid, sworn to protect the weak from crazy robots. I'm not crazy! Don't call me crazy! I-i'm just not user-friendly. Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

I made my friends and relations File long applications To get into my tenth birthday party But something changed when my man turned pro I was sorting but I wasn't smiling He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks it's supposed to be about the filing People We didn't choose to be bureaucrats

Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha!

This show is awesome! When I grow up, I'm gonna have so much amnesia! Me too! I mean, I have it now, but I forgot. Well, mine's louder! Cram a ham in it, you twerps! Aaah! Sorry. Nah. I had it coming.

how long this is going to last? Until time stops. What? You can't do this! Now, we have a full schedule of events.

now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that.

I took a nappie!

I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave and you release your fertilizer. Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom? Now, who's going to escort me to the debutante ball?

(RECHARGE JINGLE PLAYS) Whoo! I'm smart! I know how to spell "aardvark!" February is the shortest month! There's 3,018 jelly beans in that jar! (LAUGHS) Damn, I'm good! I mean 3,018 rat kidneys.

It will play in Peoria.

Tear it down and try again, but this time don't embarrass yourselves. Ahh.

Amazing. Some dumb bastard has nearly a million other dumb bastards following his every twit! Are you dumb bastards listening to me, you dumb bastards? Why are you so angry, Mommy? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little nervous about my evil plan. You dumb bastards!

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the WingNuts! BENDER: And although sometimes they got beaten, other times, they got beaten badly. But just when it looked like they'd never win... They didn't. Well, we lost to all our opponents.

- Remember that song, "Safety Dance"? - Sure do. We can dance dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-- You know, that dance wasn't as safe as they said it was.

Oh, yeah. Anyone have a camera? Right here, buddy. Wait. I want to be in the picture, too. Pretend you're happy.

The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling! Hmm. Remember me! Remember me! Remember me! Does it please you, my lord?

I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me. Halt! Why, Leela I do believe we've... met. He means you guys did it.

We've got to stem this tidal wave of moral decay. It's time to shut down nappster.com. Who's in charge of this dump? That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

Rest in peace, homie.

Really? I'm not showing too much sucker for a lady my age? Just the right amount. You'll make a lovely bride. (SOBBING) Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I've been so horrible to you. You weren't so horrible. Just enough to show you care.

Most of the robots I meet are laborers. I assure you, I barely know the meaning of the word "labor." Oh, Mr. Bender. Please, call me Bender. Oh, well, goodness. I-i don't--

perhaps some sort of death clock. Uh, Professor? Our last presentation comes from our oldest member-- Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Professor?

Nice try, flame bag, but now you're trapped here with me for the next billion years. I've saved the entire world! And no one will ever know.

Oh, it's just a flying saucer. Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there. Wow. Nice tube. Hey! Hey, what's the big idea? Stop abducting me.

Uh, could I have some Slurm, please? No food or drink allowed on the tour. You'll have to wait till you're partying with Slurms McKenzie. When will that be? Soon enough. That's not soon enough.

See? Eww. What smells like boot feet?

That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice-versa. So what you think you just explained to us is that-- Correct. This box contains our own universe!

just in case you guys hit it off you'll want to take this with you. Sir, they're headed straight for us. A well-calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text-- The Art of War. Or my own masterwork-- Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War.

Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache. Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this? Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela?

Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session. Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

Why with all the crying? So that's where I left my shell. I didn't know you could take this thing off. It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that!

I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists.

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure. Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign. Soon the whole world will learn we're cyber criminals.

Push, Bender, push!

FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie.

Ah! And, so in honor of his record-breaking catch I'm proud to award Bender this check for $1,000.

Do you eat these yummy, tin-wrapped chocolate coins? Better. We got fem-bots with illegal five-speed groins Shalom, Ruth and Esther. Why with the music so loud? Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here? By far, the most important thing is oil

Femputer sentences them to death... by snu-snu! Yeah! Whoo-ooh!

Hey, Mr. F. The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again. And there's a lot that I always wished I had said before I...

No! Stay out. There's a-- a guy goin' for the Tetris world record in there.

Ah, it is just our new Crock-Pot. Watch it, wiggy. I ain't no stinking crock. We'll see about that in five hours. Halt! From whence comest thou, one-eyed maiden? Uh... Ever been to Peru? Certainly not. I'm from Peru. Clam up, Founding Fathers.

It was not nothin'! I want to repay you. Let me get you somethin' in here. Hands up! This is a stickup again! Wow! Hitting the same place three times? I admire your style, Roberto. Give me the remainin' dough and all the calendars. And that pen!

Say as many of them as you can as fast as you can. Don't stop for any reason. M-Maybe I'll just give her these flowers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And what's that? Candy? Candy's for dorks. Give me that. Mm, mm, mmm!

I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

Get your... ALL: Yay! Poor Lando. This is just how I want to remember him. Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.

Get a load of the ball bearings on this guy, huh? I like you, kid. Here's something for your trouble. It's money. Wow, thanks. Hey, you earned that 50 bucks. You gave me a 20. I did? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant-- Hey, wait a minute. I got a good feeling about you.

Thanks for the heads-up, Sparky. Mmm-mmm. Fish on Friday, and human flesh the rest of the week. Movietone News, everyone.

I am the lord mayor of Cologne. You mean "Colon"? State your business. Your Excellency, have you ever been in love? No. I thought I was once, but then I remembered... our species reproduces with a cloud of spores.

Ew! I'm Turanga Leela, captain of the current Planet Express ship. What's going on? It's very simple. Well, actually it's very complicated. Luckily, I'm here to explain it. You see, this space whale feeds on obsession. Wow. Are you gross looking. Go on.

The planet's covered with them. Let's bring back a couple of pocketfuls. No, a whole Bender-ful. No, only what we need. Stuff the ship.

It was starting to get a little cramped in there, so I molted. Why not? Ah! The fresh air feels good. Stop doing that! So long. I'm off to toss this old shell in the Dumpster...

Ooh! I'm so scared! Bring it on, dum-dum!

Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING)

Stop actually washing and play with the sponges.

Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow!

- Father! The ledge! - Oy! Ohh. The president is dead. Congratulations, Mr. President.

It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. Wow, I never would have thought of that.

Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say? Well, golly gee. You mighty spacemen of the future will have to show me how it works.

So I went to the bathroom, and my pee was green. Pretty neat, huh? I was wondering who Shrekked in the toilet.

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack.

(SLURPING) You're right, Bender, grave robbing is fun. And these pina skulladas are fantastic. The crazy weather cleared up, too, for whatever reason. All in all, it's a fine day for an apocalypse. So you don't miss what's-her-name? Of course I do. But even though we're millions of miles apart,

No! No! What have I will have done?

Yancy drives. He goes up with his patented space-hook. Hey, that's my patented space-hook. You stole it. You're not the president of it.

Who's the lucky lobsterina? I don't know yet but I shall attract one this afternoon with an erotic display. It's amazing that your people can fall in love so fast. Love? That word is unknown here. I'm simply looking for a female swollen with eggs to accept my genetic material. You and me both, brother.

Okay, crew, listen up. Your job is to deliver these 40 pillows to that hotel. They're not very heavy but you don't hear me not complaining. They're not heavy in here because we have an anti-grav pump but once you get out on the surface the gravity will be very intense. Hey, no prob. This lead apron will protect me.

it should be capable of unthinkable magnification. Come, follow me to the lab. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Hey, I'm gonna try that. So long, meat-bags. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING)

I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think this is a mistake. Leela's right. That's not what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that I fixed my comic book. Now the hero is more relatable because he has no ridiculous powers. Let's watch, shall we? FRY: One more step and little Miss Constructive Criticism here gets it!

I wish I was a real boy. Then I'd show them. I'd kill them all. Yes?

We came here instead of eating today.

Call me old-fashioned but when my robot starts to squeak like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can of Mom's Old-fashioned Robot Oil. Ooh, tasty. And remember: Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand. "Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door"

"named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit." Pay dirt! I got the clover, plus his wedding ring. Sorry, ladies, I'm taken. Hey, Fry, you want me to smack the corpse up a little?

Mom, why have I never heard this? (WHISPERING) My mother's nuts.

Ma, Pa, our precious ranch! oof! Ay! Ah!

Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep. Jamaican? I thought you were some kind of outer space potato man. Ah, that must be my old boss.

You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry. Ah, I just wish Slurms McKenzie were here to enjoy this with me.

Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four." See? Nothin'. Told you, losers! Wait. There on the screen. It's that guy you are!

A frog, a toad or yo' mama?

No. But it can feel. And right now, it's hind-heartbroken! Just like me! (SOBBING) Wow, Bender. This is really important to you, isn't it? Uh-huh! (SNIFFLES) Okay, we're gonna find that shipwreck and get you your backside back.

Did anyone else see that? Unbelievable! It's a second big bang! My God, is it possible? It must be possible. It's happening.

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

I, for example, need to keep refilling my water wheel... or I'll power down forever. Oh, God! I'll never make it this time! This is the end! Anyway, we like it here. Like you have a choice. So, what's your problem? Not enough-- Duh-- Memory?

Bishop to knight four. Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that.

May you bounce in peace. Get the hell off my planet. Well, that's it. Let's reactivate him.

Mr. Fry, are those your underpants?

I can't believe it! I'm gonna die! How much time does he have left, Professor?

(BUZZING) (GROANS) (ALARM BUZZES) Huh? My alarm clock? Is that the music? Not even close, you tone-deaf moron. FARNSWORTH: Now get out of bed and start dreaming.

We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it! They can't do this to me, Bender, a well-known hero. I'm the world's greatest firefighter! (SCREAMS) Fire!

You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angleene.

Are you still mad at me for wrecking your once-in-a- lifetime chance to learn the meaning of your existence? No. I'm just happy you were able to win a video game.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Where do you get the wings big enough to ask me that? Okay, gang. We have plenty of beeswax. Let's get back to the ship. No, we are not going anywhere. I can't abide all this bee-on-bee conflict. It's time to African-Americanize these honeybees.

(BOTH EXCLAIM) (EXCLAIMING) Shoot your weapon, Private! Wait. How do I... Hold on. (GROANING) Oops.

(SPLUTTERING) (GROANS IN DISGUST) It smells like a skunk stuffed with feta cheese. (MOANING) P.U.! Thank God I don't have a nose.

Too bad, 'cause he's still alive. Lando? Told you I'd be back. You've grown, Junior. I'm 61.

Hang on. "It's" shouldn't have an apostrophe. This means "and it is crew." What the hell's wrong with you? It's a minor error, lady.

People of New New York, this is Surgeon General Ogden Wernstrom. Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom! No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun, but since there is no way to make a vaccine for the common cold...

Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

(SCREAMS) Wrong switch.

Um, it's free. Get me the president.

I'll have to check my program. Yep. Open up.

Um, are you Lucy Liu? Sure. Oh, we're doomed! They got the head. They uncovered the sign.

What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement. Neither did I... Oh.

Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot.

Fry, delete that. Delete that right now! What? Oh. Okay. (CHUCKLING) So much for a pleasant swim in vomit.

Hiya, hiya, hiya. So what's the deal with airline food? They offer you two choices, but they're always out of one. By the way, we're out of both choices. (ALL GROANING) Shut up and put on four episodes of The Office.

Scruffy? Fry? I have a question. What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again. We're not seeing it again. Ask something less stupid. Oh, all right, how about this? What if I never fell into that freezer doodle and came to the future jiggy?

I don't know if they were mighty alien overlords, That little-- or simply underpaid alien janitors, who fought crime on the side. There we are. Picture's up. It's crooked! In the end though, it doesn't matter who my parents were. All that matters is what I learned here, within these unscalable walls,

You took this from Fry's locker? Hey, the guy's dead. There's no law against grave robbin'. That proves it! Fry is alive somewhere, - and he's reaching me in my dreams! - Bull pies!

Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me? You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you. Sir, you just hired yourself a new what's-a-whatzo.

Why is Zoidberg the only one still alone? 'Cause he's a loser, that's why. He's the lobster equivalent of Fry. Hey, I can get any girl I want, anytime I want. I'm just too busy.

Look, let's be honest here. No one likes taxes, but they pay for our basic needs. Roads, schools, defense. If we hope to realize our aspirations as a great planet, we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals. (ALL BOOING)

Yeah, folks say that. But did you ever get the feeling... you're only goin' with girls 'cause you're supposed to? What? Don't ever, ever say or think that again!

Futurama is brought to you by: The only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth. One, two! one, two, three!

Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old... but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon. Hey, Ringo, that was the joke.

God rest ye merry gentlemen in peace. Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday?

On, my, no. Off we go.

So, Fry, what do you do for a living? Me? Can I phone a friend? Chitchat achieved! Are you ready to play? I didn't come to play, I came to win. Now let's play.

DR. ZOIDBERG: Ah! DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus.

No. I mean cool your jets. They're melting Bender's face. Aaah! Ow, ow, ow! Ooh! Aaah! Here you go. Hot off the nebula. None too soon. While you were gone, the Trotters held a news conference to announce that I was a jive sucker.

Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire?

The inspector will be here in exactly one second. Who the hell are you? Morgan Proctor, Bureaucrat, Grade 19. Hermes Conrad, Bureaucrat, Grade 36. Enough friendly banter. Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please.

You created me, Mom, so I guess you're to blame for the love that I feel just from hearing your name You're as tender as corned beef and warm as pastrami-- I wuv my mommy.

Come on, Adlai. She could really use a mom and dad. Ear Face! Ear Face! Sally won the ugly race! On the other hand, the children bring up a good point. She does have an ear on her face. Well? So what? She may be different, but she still deserves a good home.

Then I am the most important person in the universe. Yes!

Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender. I always thought me and her would grow old together. (IMITATES BUZZER) You gotta live in the moment, baby. And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal.

Aw, I'm so lonely since I came to the future. Will you be my friend? Ow! Aw! Who are you?

Why? Hey, look. The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo We've got a friendly warning for you

Times two, carry the one.

Who are those horrible orange creatures over there? Why, those are the grunka-lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them.

Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Your Honor, the prosecution pecks for a mistrial on the grounds of jury tampering. Donbot?

Snake door. Roger. (SIGHS) You can't reject Leela! Give her a badge, you stupid box! Male, filthy hand, violent temper.

MINER 1: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) For God's sake, help us! MINER 2: (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) We're in agonizing pain! (ALL SNICKERING) (WHISPERS) Stop laughing. Help is on the way!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Listen to me, Fry. Just because you think you're a robot, doesn't make you a robot. After all, I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do. Negative. I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me? Oh, lots of reasons. Bio-units, terminate noise exchange.

Leave me alone. My wife hates me and planetary conquest has become a chore.

How delightfully ironic. It's not ironic. It's just mean!

Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional. I can't wait to tell my husband! Remember, men, take him alive,

Then lock up when you're done. just be careful. Aye, aye, Captain. I mean, only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am. Clear? Clear.

Nice to see you, Zapp. Well, nice to see a surprising amount of you, too, Leela. Is Munda here? Mommy's not home, big boy. We both know you're just using her to get to me. So let's do it right here by the front door at 7:59.

I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this. Not for you. Not for Bender. But for the proud people of Robonia!

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled!

Huzzah! The purity chant worked! Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction! I was referring to Adam and Eve. We're not Adam and Eve. You see, due to a series of... Consummate your union or I shall destroy Earth.

Shut up, square!

I love you, Daddy Bender. Hey! What the hell are you doin'? Quit huggin' me. I guess you're busy. I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it!

I beg to differ! Long have I waited for the one who played Spock. At last we can begin. Cool! A Star Trek convention!

My only regret is... that I have... bone-itis.

Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender He gave me mechanical ears Effective though just a bit garish

but to ditch these losers, gladly. Bender, be honest with me. Are you planning a big heist? Usually, but not at the moment. I only ask 'cause the Oracle thinks you're going to pull off a major theft next Thursday. Next Thursday, you say? Pray, continue.

A movie-- A movie, ma'am. Well, whatever you're really doing, don't wake us if you get in after 12:00.

Phew. For, you see, you are a were-car. A were-car? The car that ran you down on the moors was also a were-car. It beamed the virus to you through its demonic headlights. That's crazy.

(SOBBING) Whoo-hoo! In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No!

Wow! Thanks, Hermes. I... Hey, cut that out!

Poor little guy starved to death.

Sweet toke of Ocracoke, this stuff's the Omichronic! To the ship! We can't get through. The planet's blockaded. That won't stop us. Activate cloaking device. There's no such thing.

Did I, Fry? Did I? What's the point of living if I don't have free will? From now on, no matter what cool crimes I commit, people will say, "Bender didn't do that! "It was just Bender's programming!" Well, I committed these crimes, do you hear me? I'm guilty!

There's nothing wrong with murder just as long as you let Bender wet his beak. You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal.

After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women-- The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment.

Except masturbation. That's just wrong.

Today we learned that folks are not as different as they seem The space gorilla's just like us Although I breathe chlorine (CHEERING) Wow, I can't believe you imaginated all that stuff.

Thank you. Your Honor, this meat-man does not deny that we robots are the glorious product of evolution. He claims only to have played a small role in supplying the initial machinery. I ask you, is that so crazy? Yes, it's completely crazy,

We can hide in here. It's free on Tuesdays. Welcome to the Head Museum.

We could settle down on that mountain of skulls. Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake!

This may hurt a little. Ow! Now I'll give you the shot.

So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

Yeah, that is fun. Let's "conservate." It's been an honor to serve under you, sir.

It's you! Hey, buddy! My Manwich! Fry, are you all right? What happened? What about Umbriel? Well, it turns out I loved her, but I wasn't "in love" with her. Trouble in bed. Ah, it's great to have you back, buddy.

But Boston's 300 miles away, and Bender kicked our horse to death.

Nice job, Fingers. Mwah. I'm scared and confused. I think we've wandered into an off-Broadway play. No. There are way too many people here.

Right! Fry crack corn and I don't care Leela crack corn I still don't care

Phil came in, right? He strummed out this tune, yeah? And I said, "That's a number-one record." Today, Fry spends most of his time in his grave... at Orbiting Meadows National Cemetery, buried with the trademark seven-leaf clover... that will bring him luck in the next life, perhaps, some Egyptians believe. So that's where my clover is.

But wait, the leader of the attack is swaggering out of his ship and up to a convenient nearby microphone. Now, why couldn't I have just described his appearance at this point? This is the type of thing I'm talking about. People of Earth, I am Lrrr, conqueror of your planet. (WHISPERS) Cue screams.

As it spins, it's producing an enormous magnetic field. If we could use that field to generate electric current, we could actually harness the Earth's rotational ener... Ener... (SNEEZES) Yes, tapping the Earth's ener-kerchoo. Go on.

I have placed in orbit a giant mirror... that will reflect 40 percent of the sun's rays, thus cooling Earth. Observe.

Vroom, vroom. And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg! Ahh.

Shut up. I know it.

Okay, Boxy. Keep your prong on the trigger.

You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself! Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket. Shut up. You're distracting me.

Will you go out with me this Sunday? Sure! I don't know what else to say, so I'll just say it. Okey-dokey, see you then. This is so unfair. I liked you back when you were a cyclops. That guy's only interested now that you have two eyes. You're just jealous. No, I'm not!

Is that a lot? And to my loving nephew Bender assuming he's not responsible for my death I leave my castle... Yes! Let's stay there tonight. On condition that he spend one night within its walls. Oh, man, there's always a catch!

Uh... Close enough. Well, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray-gun when she comes

All hail Femputer! All hail Femputer!

But I come from Earth. Then show us your Earth whatchacallit. Long-form certificate of live birth. (SIGHS) What would it take to convince you people? Would I have to have been born right before your eyes? It wouldn't hurts. Hit it, rubes! (CHANTING) We don't want a foreigner!

(EXCLAIMS) It's crowded! Good thing everyone is freshly bathed and groomed. Oooh! What are you doing? That's the rare Zapp Brannigan with recording session blooper! Don't tell me how to do the line. It sickens me. But the sign said there was a mint in the box.

Oh! Not cool, bro! Our genders are all reversed. Now I got a whatchacallit instead of a kajigger, you stupid whatchacallit! Okay, stop yelling at me.

Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting!

Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

'Cause we got A little ol' Convoy rockin' through the night yeah, We got A little ol' convoy ain't she A beautiful sight come on and join our Convoy ain't nothin' gonna get in our way wE gonna roll this truckin' convoy 'cross the U.S.A.

Beer? Underpants?

Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising. Sustained!

If it's any consolation, my life is great. Babes, bucks-- I got it all.

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we.

How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

Say, Bender, can I hold that map for a second? And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not. Give it up!

(ALL SIGH IN RELIEF) I learned that from a movie. (WOMEN SIGH IN RELIEF) Oh. Oh.

MAN: Now back to the Gunderson's Nuts Holiday Spectacular featuring Futurama. Okay, crew. Xmas break is over. It's time to destroy these gifts we forgot to deliver. Whoa, whoa, whoa! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday,

PICKLES: Was I? Pickles? Yes. It is I, Pickles. I set the whole thing up. Everyone will think Bender's the thief while I make off with that glorious brew. Seriously? Why?

Halt! Visitors are forbidden. Oh, really? Does that rule apply to Clippie winners? I'm sorry, sir. Go right in. That's Philip J. Fry! Ned and Velma Farnsworth. 423, Shadybrook Lane. Let's hover-roll.

Uh, Ms. Johnson? Please bring in some more chair fuel.

on this two-record set. That's over 30 minutes of music for only 14.99. Only 14.99 for a two-record set? Two records! Oh, Zoidberg, at last you're becoming a crafty consumer. Hello? Hello? I'll take eight.

- Never! - Never! Never! One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going.

With a lady like Ndnd, one must use finesse. Coming, gigantums!

Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants on the surface.

(GRUNTING) What goes down must back up.

(BEEPING) I'm afraid your heart has suffered a lot of damage, Mr. Fry,

(SOFTLY) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet... Hold on a second, let me just get this. (CLEARS THROAT) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

But the bee stung you. It barely touched me. The stinger went right through me, and you got all the poison. My new spleen came from a guy who liked to motorcycle. Sweet three-toed sloth of ice planet Hoth! She's awake!

Whoo! (ALL CHEERING)

old spice. Uh, let me have a go at this mechanized chap. I can be quite the rough customer.

Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse. Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle.

I'll let my hair down and you can climb up! That's not hair. I don't care what it is. I just like climbing. (GASPING) Holy Rapunzel, man-bat! There's a duo here to rescue us! How dynamic are they?

So he's not perfect. You don't wanna end up old and lonely like Zoidberg. You were saying?

Well, we should get going. You guys see where my mom went? I don't know where most of her is, but her tongue's in Zapp's mouth. (SMOOCHING) Whoo! Nasty.

I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now! Come on. We're switching bodies. Hermes, no! I'll ruin your body, too! Three decades of the munchies beat you to it.

My God, Bender, framing an orphan. That's so naughty I'll have to add it to my list right now. Mm, framing... I...N...G... an...

Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela bah-bah-bah bah-bah-bah deh-deh deh-deh deh-deh-deh-deh-deh I gotta get outta here!

Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! We can definitely escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe. Hey, yeah. No good. It's full of steam.

I'm gonna kick your ass, little girl. (ALL GASP)

What have I agreed to? I'll return you to your body after you use your ghostly powers to scare Fry to death. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) That sounds fair and also fun. I like that there's no catch this time. But, wait. There's a catch. Crap!

I gotta find something to make me think. Hardy Boys. Too easy. Nancy Drew. Too hard.

My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Look out, penny slots. I've got a system. It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS) Zoidberg, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you. What? It's full of fat guys in sandals. I just mean, your money management skills could use some work.

Yes, but they won't listen.

And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope. Oh, no. Someone you know must've died. I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck. Oh, no! My Uncle Vladimir. Oh, I'm sorry, Bender. When's the funeral?

Sorry you struck out, sausage link. If it's any consolation, my life is great. Babes, bucks-- I got it all. Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost cause. I give up. There ya go! Good night.

Oh, Fry! Party people in the house say... (GASPING) This is wonderful.

(BEEPS) Look, I posted your debate video on Facebag. 10,000 views? That's more than most water-skiing squirrels get. You really think I have a chance? Absolutely. We just need to conceal your intelligence and honesty in a hipper, dumber package. Well, what have I got to lose?

I'm poking as hard as I can! I'm sorry, Fry, but I'm afraid Leela is in an irreversible coma. Coma, coma, coma, coma, coma chameleon

just relax, Bender. Tomorrow, we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil. It will be a rich, full day.

Dishes, dishes, dishes Cleaning up the dishes I'm a singing busboy. No, you're not! Let's just go to my place. (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Radio City Mutant Hall. Cool. Uh, cross-town express.

I got no pants on, either. I can see that. You're quite a bit taller than me. Welcome to Police Academy. Hi, I'm Fry. I'm the Sound Effects 5000. (IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS) Wow. That would be impressive if you were a human. Yeah.

Hello. I remembered you liked superheroes, so I painted you a mural on your wall. This is Father-Man. He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working? This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective?

We'd love to have you on the team, Bender, but aren't you more on the supply side of crime? Plus, the cream won't give you superpowers. You're a robot. So? I'm already super strong. And my arms do this. Yah!

There's a chapter of my old robot fraternity. Epsilon Rho Rho. You went to college? Of course. I'm a Bender. I went to Bending College. I majored in bending. What was your minor? Robo-American studies.

That Fry's a sicko pervert, I tell ya. Datin' a robot-- it's an "atrocimicy." But Fry's our friend, Bender. Aw, geez! Will ya stifle there, meat bag? You stifle, Bender. Hooray! Finally, you're standing up to him.

Ah, the point is, it's Morgan's fault. That pencil-pushing Scaz-Wag. Why, if she were here, I'd-- Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you. Morgan? It's 3:00 a.m. I know.

Fry, don't die! Wake up! No!

Jamaicans have other interests! Which is why the limbo team got detained at the airport. That's when they begged my husband to step in and make an ass out of himself.

Cookies! Fifty cents a box! Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING)

Bender? What are you doing? I'm just out for my nightly crime spree. Which reminds me, this is still a mugging, so... - Hee-ya! - Ow! (GRUNTING) Help, I'm being mugged! (BOTH SNIGGERING)

I help those who help themselves!

I remember, I remember! This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure. Hey, Zoidberg, you're cockatieling.

All right. Let's smoosh some worms!

You buy one pound of underwear and you're on their list forever. And for Bender-- uh-oh-- a black-bordered envelope.

And we'll beget little Zapp junior. And Leela junior. And they'll have kids of their... Yuck! Is that really what happened in the Bible?

your role is to distract Fry,

This is gonna be great.

and this time I mean really slashin'.

I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms.

Lovely. Just lovely.

Hey, I don't like what I'm seeing!

He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile.

What the hell is that?! It's the juice- a-matic 4000. It'll strain my juices from you while filtering out the pulp.

Aw, crap-- singing.

That's for Su-- Roberto, is that you? Bender! Hey, man! You old lunatic! How ya been? Ah, not bad. Not bad. Everybody on the floor! This is a stickup! Ahhh!

And, just to clarify, land is the stuff that has sky over it. They have such respect for the planet. Cynthia used to drink Slurm.

Fleeing somewhere? With you blocking the only escape route? Don't be silly. In that case, brunch is served. Let's go. Move it out. Stop crying, Leela.

I have now. And what's Peter Parrot's first rule of captaining? Always respect the chain o' command, Captain. Correct, Wiggles. You've just earned an invitation to the captain's table. The captain's table. What an honor.

You've got real charisma from the neck down. Nixon with charisma. My God! I can rule the universe!

One, two! one, two, three!

It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender. Pull in your line, and let's go.

Admit it, Fry, you're a slob. A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty.

Don't get discouraged, there's no shame in being replaced by Robert Wagner. I would be discouraged were I an ordinary acting unit! But for me, 'tis an opportunity to prove anew that I am the greatest actor who ever trod the boards! Yay! All right!

(BOTH GRUNTING) You idiot. I'm not a cannon. Huh. I guess I am a cannon.

It's not a pun. It's a play on words! Come on, I'll show you the lab. This is Colossus, the beanstalk project. Ordinary beans are a magical fruit, but they're tiny and pathetic.

Everywhere it went. What a Valentine's Day that was. Hmm. This may seem like a huge coincidence, but I happen to have an in with that whale. Scruffy's formulated a plan, but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish.

Let's finish the job. No, wait! There must be a peaceful--

Garfield's owner jon's forehead. Fire up the sewer gas!

They've blown out one of our engines.

Enjoy eternity without your brain, anonymous dead robot. (BENDER CHUCKLING)

as long as they interlock with yours. Ah, marriage. It combines the contentedness of being neutered, with the occasional sex of being not. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Well, I best mosey on down to the landing. Sounds like the Feldspar Queen is about to set sail.

Nine. Ten. A big fat hen.

Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price. I thought it was an auction. He is not too happy. I'm sorry. $80,000?

Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone

I just want to talk to my mom. Let me back in there, Agnew! (GRUNTING) It's no use, Fry. You were never in your house again after 10:00 P.M. No! (SOBBING)

Ma, Pa, our precious ranch! oof! Ay! Ah!

Oh! Why? And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way.

I'm proud of you, Bender. Sure, you lost-- you lost bad-- but the important thing is I beat up someone who hurt my feelings in high school. I'm in tremendous pain here. Great job, kid. You lost, and you made it look almost half-real.

Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great-great- great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great nephew. That's great. What's the little guy's name? Professor Hubert Farnsworth. Ew. You know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future.

I like 'em tight

feed your head... I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies.

Well, if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here. Everything always does. Follow me. All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium. This is our library. Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand.

(ALL GASP) Very well. The case against Cubert Farnsworth is hereby dismissed. Told you I'd get away with it. (SNORTS) That'll do, pig. Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth. You got it, Judge.

Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people!

Anyway, it's bigger than anything you've caught.

I need cheering up, Bender.

What's the mission? It's a delivery for the Democratic Order of Planets. DOOP? What's that? It's similar to the United Nations from your time, Fry. Uh... Or like the Federation from your Star Trek program. Oh! Tonight is the ribbon cutting for the DOOP's new headquarters. What are we delivering?

Yeah, you should write a song about a heartless robot who leaves his best friend to be murdered. Look, Leela, I'd love to write about my own experiences... The heartless robot is Bender. The best friend is me. How can you people be so blind? But I've never picked cotton or been on top of Old Smokey or worked on anything all the livelong day, let alone a railroad.

Hold your clapper. Someone's coming. (GRUNTS) Donbot, please, I'll pay you back as soon as you lend me some more money. Sorry, Calculon. It gives me no joy to do this, because Clamps will be doing it. Clamps, here are your new clamps.

I must say, Hermes, you've got a smoking-hot body. (IN HERMES'S VOICE) I was inspired by Amy. Wow! How'd you do it? Well,

Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach?

Ow! Back, please. She needs room. - Thanks. - Not you. The camerawoman needs room. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. The candidate is... I believe he's crowning! Push, Mom, push. You can do it. I bet nothing comes out. Just you watch.

so I want the full gamut of emotions from every actor in every scene.

(NIXON EXCLAIMS) My God, we're defenseless, like fish in a barrel. Options? My instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish. Then we're down to our last hope, a radical new weapon built by a visionary scientist I once dismissed as crazy!

Right now, NBC needs my love more than you do. - (CHANGES CHANNEL) - (SIGHS) Lrrr.

Alexander Hamilton of New York, how say you? Nay. John Hancock and John Adams of Massachusetts? Yea! Yea! The yeas have it. Our nation's official joke state shall be New Jersey. (KNOCKING AT DOOR) Uh-oh!

please tell me if Fry and I ended up together. It's too late, Leela. He's good old Bender again. He's totally useless. Well, not totally. Before they reset me, I figured out the answers to life's great questions. Uh, this is the reason we exist. This is which ceiling fans are gonna fall. Aha! Found it!

Honk, honk, honk!

You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy. Well, that's tough. Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. "You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand.

(RINGS BELL) And the nominees are Johnny Jensen from Rent-A-Cat, Nezzbin Zalgabarg, Ten-Minute Underwear, and Dwight Conrad, Speedy Wig. And the Clippie goes to...

I sure am, Brother Fry. Yo, big bonnet, move your ugly but modest head covering.

Na-na-na-- Bunny now hot. Beer! Ow!

The calendar predicts fires, earthquakes, sharksplosions, then it just ends!

WOMAN: Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Little bird, little bird Fly through my window Find molasses candy (BURPS) Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump

Yeah. Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender Bender, Bender, Bender

Hey, it's your fault. He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad. You're right. I feel terrible. Oh, great. Now you're making him feel worse.

$10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not. Friends, I found $10. You found some money? Show me.

I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time! It looks pretty authentic. You bet it's authentic. See this scratch? I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang. FRY: I have a scratch, too.

Ah! The gang's all here. Who are you? Scruffy, the janitor.

There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah. Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy! Not what I meant, but don't perform it without my permission! Anyway, using this simple formula, I can generate as many hit folk songs as I want. All I need is an audience.

Hermes, is this one of your zany practical jokes? (YELLING) (GASPING) Leela, are you okay? Did you drink too many aquaria?

Please pick me up before you go-go. She asked first. Um, are you Lucy Liu?

What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality? Um, sir... you're supposed to be cutting the ribbon right now. No matter-- I'll simply cut it from here with the ship's laser.

Bender? You stole the atom? Yeah, but I can explain. It's very valuable. I saw him snatch it while Fry was asleep. That's why I ran to tell Bob Barker. Whoa, whoa, wait a second. You mean Bender is the evil Bender? I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked.

A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper, who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it. His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky,

Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle. What have you done with your lives? You went all the way to Holland already?

(SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle?

Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, baby. Gimme some of dat. And that's how I got my new shell. It looks just like the shell I threw out yesterday, and I found it in the same Dumpster.

Bender's no role model. He's a filth monger!

(SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical.

you need me yes, you do forever and ever when we kiss I see what's in your heart you love me yes, you do you don't need to tell me i know you love me most no one else take my place

Too bad he wasn't an alligator. You know, when you flush those things they stay alive in the sewers. Really? Yep. My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once. It's a widely believed fact. Hmm, sewers. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Hang on, Nibbler!

'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry. You did your best, Bender. Up yours, bimbo!

Take it off or I'll break it off. Okay! Captain's inspection. Mm-hmm.

Hey, let me try it. Whoa, that gives me a headache.

Good riddance. What about my service?

Hooray! A tie! (GASPS) Do you think they're dead? No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension.

Well, my lead pipe hurts a little. That's normal. Next patient!

that doesn't require looking through a telescope. Get back to work! That telescope is as much mine as anybody's. I'm using it whether you give me permission or not. Hy-ahh! Your order may be famous for your martial arts, but I've never met a holy man I couldn't clobber!

Prepare for liftoff. We're out of fuel. Bender, I told you to fill the tank before we left. Yeah, I'll do it when we get back. Man, lucky for us Zapp Brannigan's nearby. No way. Forget it.

Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan! Let's see how much of a robot you really are--

at age eight, and before long, he blossomed into a greasy teenager. Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school,

Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

It is! It's the fabled lost city of Atlanta! Howdy, y'all! Welcome to Atlanta. Folks 'round these parts call me the Colonel.

that I might preserve the greatest of Leonardo's secrets! (EXCLAIMS) All right, buddy, we want secrets! And they'd better be ancient! (SPEAKS ITALIAN) Never shall I reveal how these wondrous machines fit together! They fit together?

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes! And it's a dead heat! They're checking the electron microscope. And the winner is...

I mean, look at me. My folks were honest, hard-working people. Besides, Guenter, you're not like other monkeys.

Keep those things off of me. Magnets screw up my inhibition unit. So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folksinger? Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folksinger.

Shake paws, Nibbler. Come on. Shake. He might be a little hungry. Shake, boy! Usually he's had more ham by now. Shake!

You people look like you're waitin' for the bus. Oh, Danny boy The pipes, the pipes Are calling Who-y boy? From glen to glen - And down-- Danny Boy?

Is that how you say Zoidberg? You didn't have to call attention to his speech impediment. You're looking less nuts, crabby. I'm feeling less nuts, thank you because tomorrow, I will be depositing my jelly in the cloacal vents of a female if you catch my drift.

Well, pay the man.

Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then? (IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears we've changed history too much. Disaster of nightmarish proportions and what not. Quite.

The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three meters in the air. Then, he bounced 1.8 meters in the air. Then, he bounced four meters in the air. Do I make myself clear?

Ah... The frenzy is over. How will I ever get rid of my male jelly now? I'll lend you this. Fry! Hey, hey! Shoo, get away! Hey! What's with the flying jerks? They come to feast after the frenzy.

I got busted robbin' that bank again. Why would you hold up the same bank twice? Ah, that first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little. What's the matter? You scared? N-N-- N-N-N-N-- Noticeably? I'll say. Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help!

Well, I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk.

31... but I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. What? Suicide booths. Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm going to go kill myself. Wait... you're the only friend I have.

This is your one chance to enter the sphere! Scoot! Scoot now!

No, I swear. Santa has something very special in his sack for you two. Ho... ho... ho!

Aah! Whoo! Made it. So, anyway, uh, what are you wearing tomorrow? Honk, honk, honk!

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever discovered a hole in nothing with monsters in it? 'Cause if I'm the first I want them to call it a Fry Hole. There is nothing to be concerned about. I must go. There is much to do.

Oh, I do. It all began in 1410, when a number of noblemen convened-- Thank you. There you are. Good as new, except for your dorsal Fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash.

Uh, two chili dogs comin' up. Well, settle in. Without a microwave, we're trapped in this time period. Oh, Lord! We'll have to endure the horrible music of the Big Bopper, and then the terrible tragedy of his death. Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base.

And there's the infamous pirate Purple Beard, scourge of the six seas. What's over that hill? The Forbidden Valley-- A holy sanctuary where no one may tread. Is that anything like a cemetery? 'Cause I got to take a leak. Ow! Fry, that's offensive to our people. Isn't it? Ow.

I don't know. Maybe.

I don't know, but it might have something to do with this.

Sounds like a party, baby! Ooh, yeah! Hey, speaking of splattered bowels, can I cook you a romantic dinner tonight, Leela? Where's Leela? Is she okay?

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) (ENGINES REVVING) (SIRENS WAILING)

(BENDER RAZZING) That tap-dancing, decadent jazz-baby is too fast for us! Let's see him outrun a V-2!

At ease, Brannigan. (EXHALES) What you're about to see is highly classified.

What's that? Maybe we just made love.

So, uh, what's this big score anyway? We're heisting a shipment of zuban cigars. Zubans?! Those are the finest cigars in the universe. I can stink up a whole maternity ward with one of those things. Yo, there's our pigeon now. Let's shoot bullets out of our guns.

The flight had a stopover on the brain slug planet.

My antenna's fine. It's just fine. Ladies can't get enough Bender. I need to loosen up. Give me a screwdriver. Hello. Who's your hot, dumb friend? Me? Me? Sure, why not. (BOTH GIGGLING)

Uh-- Uh, Melllvar? Can you give us some idea...

Good evening. I'm-- Whoa, sorry. I'm Bender, and I'll be emceeing this roast. You know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the professor's oldest friend-- a grotesque, stinking lobster.

This has been Roseanne, your guide to the world of facts. You heard Roseanne! Scrape off the priceless ambergris, and I'll let you go. Or better yet, I'll simply shed my skin.

(SIRENS WAILING)

Hang on, Mom. I have another call.

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network. Aye, aye, sir.

I like your style, Fry. You remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older. Thank you, sir. But as a gentleman, I must warn you-- If you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure.

It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again. Hand it over. Mom may have fallen for your lies, but not me.

Mmm. Wow. We're great kissers. Yeah. Hey, later, you want to drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at jupiter. Hey, yeah. I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century.

Zoidberg, show some respect.

I didn't mean to. He just looked so cool and refreshing. I'm sure he was. But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed. All hail the new emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. Correction: We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

Hambone Okay, hambone break's over. Back to the bedroom! (MOTOR WHIRRING) Hambone, hambone! Hambone

Did you say Calculon? (CHUCKLES) Perhaps we can make a deal of some sort. (LAUGHS) Hark! Is it possible the hour of mine deliverance is nigh? Will you stop hamming it up for one second? They can't see or hear you. Their loss.

It seems to be emitting musical tones in an effort to communicate. Why don't they just use a thought spike like normal people? FARNSWORTH: I don't know, Amy.

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy?

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender!

Thanks, buddy. Another year under that, and I'd have been a goner. I'll always remember this, Bender. Me too. Me too.

I don't mean to offend, but this tastes like vomit. Thank you. No, actually, I did mean to offend a little. This is awful.

No. Now, your pine trees were all chopped down to make emergency toilet paper during the Fifty-Year Squirts. Lucky the seeds have been preserved here in the vault there. What's that splork on them? It's not germs, is it? No.

He won the nomination! We, the people, did it! It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant. Your insightful nagging really won us over. Yeah. You explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand. And that appealed to me, for whatever reason. Thanks, guys, but we have a lot of work ahead of us. If we're going to win the election,

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max. So, people are getting pretty worried about this Y2K problem, huh?

Like whale barf. Then the illusion is complete.

Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus. You know, I saw the first 30 seconds of that episode. If I could make up an ending maybe we could act it out ourselves.

Whimmy wham-wham wozzle! Let's party!

Aw, somebody likes snouts. Is it me?

BENDER: "Free Beer"? (PANTING)

He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

MAN: It's The Futurama Holiday Spectacular brought to you by... (READING)

Aah! I'm sorry. I thought you was corn. Now, would you please point at that robot over there? No further questions.

Mr. Bender? I hereby commit you... to the asylum for criminally insane robots...

Mmm. All right. I'm putting them away.

(WHALE SINGING) (ALL GASPING) Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.

Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky.

Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her. Uh, that's me. Thanks for covering.

What are you, an ass-kissing machine? Yes, sir-- good one, sir.

Rikes! Splinkies! What was that? I don't know. It's a mystery. Like, I've got a bigger mystery. How am I going to fill my hungry stomach? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Yeah. Where can we find food here in the woods? How about that kabuki theater?

Who wants lobster bisque? Hmm? Hey, Bender want to make shrinky dinks?

2,000 souls were lost that day, including my dear husband. In loving memory, I established the Mr. Astor Endowment, which this year supports the United Mutant Scholarship Fund. (GUESTS APPLAUDING) Mutants? That's the kind of thing you are.

Ahhh! (PULSING SOUNDS)

A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man! Mmm! Hey, cut it out. Go away! Get away from me! Smeesh! It's just 300 bucks. What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now!

BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust. (CHEERING) Bender, you di' it! No, we di' it.

Yeah, I asked a cop once. It means, "Up yours, kid." I got to say I'm really enjoying the day out with you people. Hey, hey! A suicide booth.

In your dead face, little girl! I'm not even gonna wait to dance on your grave. I'm gonna dance on your corpse right now. (SCATTING) Oh, my God! No, Bender. What're you doing? No! LEELA: Bender, stop!

Thank you. Stop seducing him, you hussy! Dad! I'm attracted to Bender, not this emotionless wine bucket! Hopes deleted.

Howard Stern is overrated!

this Saturday shall be known as Fry-Day! (CROWD CHEERING) It sure was nice of the mayor's wife to have sex with me. Uh? You. What?

Ah, the Xmas season. Who wants a delicious unshelled nut? Ooh, I'll have one. It's "nut" so good. (GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year?

I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning-- et cetera.

So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

That's so valuable. Yeah, I'll never have love like that. Leela hates me now. Did you guys know I have a crush on Leela?

Like, what's the story with the yakitori? Help yourselves. But I warn you, that chicken is over a year old.

For reasons beyond even my comprehension, I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants. Yay! Yeah, Bender! I knew he cared about us! You said you knew he didn't care about us. Leave me alone. Your Honor, I object to this surprise witness. He's too surprising. Sustained!

I am so sorry for allowing this lurid sex act to taint an otherwise delightful day of family-friendly violence.

I wish they'd hurry. I want to get out of here before the mayhem starts. Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee! Well, might as well get it over with. Delivery boy, no discernible skills. Accepted! 'Cause I like his pants.

Whoa, that gives me a headache.

I'm just like Hermes! I'm just like-- Nooo!

I hope she used protection. No offense, Zoidberg, but how is she not driven to madness by your mind-altering stench?

No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough! There will be no further questions. Why? Hey, look. The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo

Hey Leela, want to know what the most beautiful thing is?

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf!

That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag, but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping.

Oh, my! It's da Vinci's fabled lost invention. Even the scholars who wrote of this device had no idea what it was for.

Listen, I know who stole the button. I wasn't gonna tell, because I don't like being helpful. But I do like ratting people out, so, it was Fry. (ALL GASP) He took it to the Vampire State Building. We've got to get to him. But how? We can't leave the time shelter. Hooray. I'm trapped in a tiny fun room with friends.

Sounds like a party.

Okay, okay. We have one chance. Are you willing to do what I say as captain? Absolutely. Even if I make you work hard? As your god is my witness. Then go get the hover dolly you didn't break and load all the dark matter into the left engine. Oh, man, that crap's heavy! And warm. just do it!

Uh, access denied.

Prepare for liftoff.

Whoo! That concludes the funeral. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Can you believe it? Pharaoh's dead! Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one, except the rhythm. Yeah! Play those bongos.

I should have left you floating in the toilet.

Don't worry, now, Amy. Okay. I'm happy! Take us home, Bender! Ah, don't worry Be Happy

I'll meet you in the closet. Amy, I really like you as a friend but I think we're spending too much time together. You're breaking up with me? I just think we should start seeing other people. But I was really having fun. If that's how you feel-- I'm sorry, but it is. Well, whatever.

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

All right, places, everyone. Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing.

Activate emergency, high-speed, self-contained, escape-pack crisis-response units. Quick! Whaa-aa-aa! Whoa-oa-oa! Ow! Ow!

(EXCLAIMING WITH JOY) Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!

My wife is right, for once. There's very little magic in the air. Ready the lower horn transport vessel.

Hooray, he's back! And he's looking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy.

Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn't you, sir? She's a real beauty. Yep, she's beautiful coffee all right. No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird.

Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee!

Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!

What's wrong, Mommy? It's those damned anchovies. That dirtbag Fry must know their secret and I won't rest until I get my hands on them. No one messes with Mom.

Help! The stapler's collating me alive! Ow! What's going on around here?

(SOBBING) Crisis averted. Without alcohol, the Benders are dying off. (ALL COUGHING, GASPING)

Hail, hail, Robonia

Bender's flying too low! And he's upside down! He must be talking on a cell phone.

Hey, big lobster (LAUGHS) I'll make this simple. Our money or your life. Sardini?

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying. It's okay, Fry. I'm fine. I won an award today. Is it this room that's making you sad?

My God! What if the secret ingredient is people? No. There's already a soda like that. Soylent Cola. Oh. How is it? It varies from person to person.

(FLY BUZZING) (GRUNTING) Yet still, I feel empty inside.

Over there! It's the original Planet Express ship! What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted? We'd better investigate. (LIGHTNING CRACKING) Looks like an ion storm, though. Everyone, suit up! Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry.

Bossy to Stinky. Come in, Stinky. DR. ZOIDBERG: I always come in stinky. LEELA: Stand by. The competition's about to begin.

The inspector will be here in exactly one second.

(MUFFLED YELLING)

Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment. If you two don't stop fighting I'll have you both neutered.

This not some parallel universe where you getting any younger. Now, remember, Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.

Time out! Time out! What's happening?

Oh, God. Make sure they use every part of my body! I'll avenge your death, son!

just out of robo-curiosity, why would you use a guy's nose for an aphrodisiac... instead of his, you know, wing-dang-doodle? But I thought the horn was the human wing-dang-doodle. No, sir, chief. The main event, so to speak, is downstairs near the wallet. Ever seen soccer players line up to block a free kick?

Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. - Earthquake! - Hit the deck! Let the earth quake! I've got somebody's Oscar!

Wait. What are you doing with my stuff? Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all back. Oh, no, my A.T.M. card-- My-My secret PIN number: 1077. I've got nothing left. Except... you're Fry's relative.

Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly. The fact is, your nose is gone and we'll never find out who did it or why. Guys! Guys! There's something on television.

Crushed him flatter than a MacBook Air But while you were all out fighting With the giant plastic octopi I copied myself, you see Bender! Bender! And I cowered in the bathroom While that steel-drivin' moron Killed a duplicate instead of me Lord, Lord

(IMITATING TERMINATOR) Hasta la vista, wiener. (IMITATING TERMINATOR) We'll be back, for our stuff. Why did their voices change?

(SCREAMING) (INAUDIBLE)

Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?

Pazuzu! Oh, Pazuzu!

Oh, yeah, baby! Come on! Come on, baby!

Are you here to fumigate the moose head? Uh, no. Actually, I'm an Epsilon from way back. Ah, close enough. Come on in. Thanks.

Oh! I'm sorry. This is the wrong patient.

How do we do that? That should do it. Oh! We're all going to die! Wait, I'll be back in a minute. You did it, Fry!

This wangs chung. After all the good we tried to do, Xmas turned out as rotten as ever. No heat. No power. Huddled together in fear, like lice in a burning wig.

(GROANING) Bender, as my newest employee, could you bend this drinking straw for me? Sure, let me just... Whoa. WOMAN'S VOICE: First click the license agreement, dearie. I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand, but I'm slightly thirsty.

The evidence is mounting. Although two times hardly establishes a pattern.

He was a bad robot. No, he was a bad friend. I want him back right now. Then you should have filed a request 20 years ago. I'm sick of you and your bureaucracy. Dirty boy! Dirty boy!

She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be-- Ah, dang it.

He looks so natural. It's funny to think he's crammed full of sawdust and preservatives. I only wish I could've removed the stinger.

I could eat. And fertilize. Very well. Let us anoint our guests in oil without using our hands.

Thirty days hath September, April, june-- And no wonder all the rest have peanut butter. What am I gonna do?

(SCREAMING) Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... (SCREAMING)

I mean, my mom's vacuum. My experiment measures the effect of microgravity on the propagation of the common cold virus in an anaerobic environment, i.e., space. Impressed? Damn right I am. That's some dry, emotionless science. Nice job, son.

There you go, Leela. Good as new! Whoa! Whoa! Oh. Sure, Leela's fine, but my jaundice has progressed to Muppet Gangrene! It's not easy being gangrenous. I thought you were only gonna take out one vertebra!

Then good luck, sister.

- Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no! Quick! Get them into the fountain!

Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question? As long as it's not about my eye.

Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer. Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

Get it? He's coming out of... Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary stress.

Sir, I'm making a point. If these gutter-mouth creatures are so smart why don't they defend themselves, huh? Stop it. I call murder on that. Look, I'm willing to grant that it's murder. The real issue is... ...who's going to stop me?

That sword cost 5,000 dollar!

Uh, access denied.

It wasn't a shark. It was an awful, incompetent doctor. Wow, he must've been a total Zoidberg. It was Zoidberg!

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out. Freedom, freedom, freedom oy - Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's nothing crazy about it. It's just Freedom Day!

(OWL HOOTING) Team assembled! What is that box, you old witch? Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you. It's a deep space emotion detector. (ALL GASPING) The detector can tell you're impressed. You should be!

The sun, the sea air, good friends...

(SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) Help! I'm stuck! Don't panic! We'll be okay. (BEEPING) Addendum.

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know. I got nervous, and I started thinking about neck bolts. Wow! Did you see that vase break? It was all, like-- What's happened to you? Nothing. I got rid of the worms. What? Why would you do that? Leela, I had worms.

(GASPING MOANS) What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen? Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds. (MOANING CONTINUES) Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis? No.

Oh! I can't wait till the tattoos on Amy's butt hear about this! Hear about what? Tell us!

(SIGHS) That's just how we print "S"s, you ftupid fhitheads. Someone must have used my press while I was poking around in Charlotte. Let's ask my apprentice, David Farnsworth. (GASPS) Farnsworth? That's him! Arm yourselves! I call it the Franklinator.

Second place? That's a fancy word for losing!

(PEOPLE YELLING) Wait. This could be a good thing. Reforestation has begun.

Mayor here. What's that? A horrible crime in the works? Ruthless villain? Citizens in danger? That's fantastic news! Because I get to summon the New justice Team! Shh.

Blecch! Ick! Oh. How about this one? Give it up, Fry. I've got to pop these tops in a precise order. Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now.

That was great!

Anyway, I should get going. No, Bender, wait. We're the lamest frat on campus. Even Hillel has better parties than us. Please, you've got to stay and teach us how to be cool. Hmm... okay, but I'll need ten kegs of beer a continuous tape of "Louie, Louie" and a regulation two-story, panty-raid ladder.

Time for the mammoth hunt, dudes.

But when he played, I could sense this incredible, beautiful, creative soul. Then one day, I found someone else's couch fibers on his butt. I couldn't believe that-- That could be my beautiful soul sitting naked on her couch, if I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Oh, but you can.

(SCREAMS) NIXON: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) NIXON: Yay! I caught it.

Zapp Brannigan you are hereby stripped of your rank as captain and dismissed from the DOOP.

(ALL SCREAMING) FRY: My bowels returned at a bad time!

Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love? If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Cool. What's my job going to be?

You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter.

I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots. Well, you meet half the qualifications.

(ALL CHEER) Bender, old 'bot, the Mafia thinks you're dead. You can come back to work with us. I'm back, baby! Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Uh, I suppose so. Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery.

we find that flag-eating is not protected by the Constitution. Oh! Six to three? I beat the spread! The court orders an immediate public apology. Apology accepted. just don't let it happen again. She means you, you turkey of the sea!

I'm not made of money. Leave me alone!

Prepare for pleasantries! So, Fry, what do you do for a living?

Dig in, everyone. Thank you, sir. You got the toenail.

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming? We're gonna beat you afterwards. Oh, God! Mutate! Mutate! Mutate! Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name?

And the best part is, the whole package fits neatly in the space where my giblets used to be.

Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihilation of the human species as well as some of the more cunning monkeys but after living on earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful.

The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills. Yes, gills. Then you don't need lungs anymore, is right? Can't imagine why I would. Lie down on table.

FARNSWORTH: Whoopsie. Oh, dear. I mean, oh, my. The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry.

(BAND PLAYING) Hey, this one's for the new couple. It's your day. It's all about you. Who's that singing at your wedding?

Good news, everyone! Our safe new ship has arrived, and it's gonna knock your socks on, where they belong. Ta-da! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL MURMURING) Is it inside that box? No. That's the ship. The boxy shape keeps it from going too fast.

Ah! Another successful day. Deliveries were made. Nobody got hurt.

Of course, that would have melted even at room temperature. I just wanted to get rid of it. But had it been made of that righteous mineral dolemite,

And they'll say, "Who, Bender, who?" And I'll say... "It was lovable old Bender." Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

One... See you in a thousand years.

And I'll go with... Screwed again, my friend. (LOW WHINING SOUND) Hey, Bender, you better check your ass. I think it's leaking enchantment. That's not enchantment, it's the herbs! Bender's electric field is activating their bioluminescence.

Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops. No! I can't stand to look!

I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there. Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Oh, God, this is like one of those nightmares! (SHRIEKS) Here, take my lab coat. Allow me to introduce your examining committee in descending order of grumpiness.

Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation.

Well, thanks to the Internet, I'm now bored with sex. Is there a place on the Web that panders to my lust for violence? Is the Space Pope reptilian? Get ready for fun, Fry. Nowadays we have a type of game played entirely on video. We call it a video game. A video game, you say?

Leela, please tell the others that...

I'm telling you the truth, I swear! Clamps, break something over his head. Everything in here's already broken. Find the least broken object and use that. This Judith Krantz novel's only missing its frontispiece. Ow!

Well done, Professor. Okay, back to work, everyone. (VIDEO GAME TUNE PLAYING) Wait, there are no more questions left to answer.

You seemed pretty popular at the pub. I work there as a greeter. Your beast was my chance to be a hero again, but the damn thing was a vegetarian, so I slaughtered the sheep myself. But why did you attack me? So I could impress you by seeking revenge on the creature. Us greeters don't get a lot of action.

I was like, "Save them!" And he was all, "No problem." And then he did it. His new technology is great. I love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 1-X robots are my friends. It's like his personality is totally different now.

Leela, it's time you and I had a talk. A talk? You can't break up with me. You're my pet! As much as I enjoy being the object of your misplaced affections, I am also a highly sophisticated being who longs for intelligent conversation.

I'm a certified college dropout.

Excuse me. You can't park here. The parking area is over there.

You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GASPS) Don't wait for me. It's non-convergent! Oh, dip!

(ALL SCREAM) (LAUGHING) I do enjoy a well-buttered floor. ALL: George Takei? Reorge Rakei? Sorry to haunt you so effectively. I thought you kids were that dragon ghost that's been spooking the town.

Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You?

(CONTINUES SCREAMING) (PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen.

What the-- An alien language. I guess you're an alien. What a beautiful, gigantic eye you have-- Well, come on in. From those humble beginnings,

You'll have plenty of time to talk when you're poor. What's with the specs, Bender? They're my lucky shades. I stole them off some lucky guy while his lucky Seeing Eye dog was taking a whiz. Eh? Hey!

Yeah. I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon. Me, neither. Food was good, though. Oh, great news, everyone. Shove it. We quit! In that case, I'll have to hire a new crew to go on our company vacation. Vacation?

Son, I think I can safely say-- As you can see, 1947 is going to be... an eventful year for the town of... Roswell, New Mexico.

until we suffer a fate worse than death-- pre-life! Then death.

No way. This secret goes to my grave. The Bureau is offering anyone with information about this gangland-style clamping a $50 reward. BENDER: Ooh! Ooh! And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs. Can I have my 50 bucks now?

Cripes! The Masked Unit! You knocked him out cold. I'm impressed.

It's true! It's true! Oh, oh, oh. Here comes jack Nicholson's D.N.A., reconstituted in a gorilla body!

Then you'll need someone to dissect it, friend. (ROARING) Go, Johnny! Go! That's an order! Never! Zoidberg doesn't abandon a friend, apparently. (WHIMPERING)

Fat-bot, no! When I get nervous, I get hungry. Cheese it!

I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it! Approved for all audiences! No!

Think of the astronomical odors you'll smell, thanks to me! Oh, my. I've waited a hundred years for this, Farnsworth. I give your invention the worst grade imaginable--

Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film. My best years are behind me-- so much left undone, so little time.

Everyone, listen! Damn! I've devised a way to save you and stop global warming at the same time. Granted, you're all blasting out greenhouse gases-- You're one to talk!

Decisions I made

Nobody said that. (SCREAMS) The robot mafia's after me! You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z. Hide a giant lobster covered in ink? And how do you propose we do that? (SCREAMS)

Ooh. Huh? Far out. That head gave me a total head trip! Really? I'm gonna lick Herbert Hoover's head. Lick the head! Lick the head!

Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

What do you want? I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking. We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses.

Let's get down to business. Aren't you going to say, "Good news, everyone"? I just said that for Fry's benefit. Made the poor fellow feel better about his pointless job. As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here.

Hmm. It all sounds good.

(ROCK SONG PLAYING) Shut up and love me Shut up and love me

Our planet has been through so much this past year-- wars, droughts, impeachments-- but we've never lost our sense of what's truly important-- the great taste of Charleston Chew.

Lower. Lower. A lot lower. Too low! Lower. i'm Walking On Sunshine oh-oh-oh...

No! No! No! No!

Planet Express. Our crew is replaceable, your package isn't. Are there really giant birds like that?

Uh-oh. Is she behind me? No, I'm in front of you.

What stinks? Were you rolling around in New Jersey?

Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object.

Hello, Lrrr. Lrrr! Put a stop to this right now! Okay! Okay! Quit nagging! Lrrr, why are you yelling softly with the purple-furred one? Uh, it's nothing, my queen.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too. But my gyroscope's permanently busted.

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English!

That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface. Rifle check! Oh, yeah! Whee doggie! Hey, you're enjoying this. Look, nobody enjoys shootin' penguins. But if you have to shoot penguins, well, you might as well enjoy it.

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand. Ooh! Wow. At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy... to determine Hamenthotep's successor. Whoo!

Find that apple. It's down there somewhere. (SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

Yeah. We're going to kick it up a notch. Bam! I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste. Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if was wearing a lime green tank top. Bam!

Visiting hours are over. Time for our medication disks.

Little frogs are okay but the slugs on the rug Send me out of my mind There's no place else that I can go The only thing I can turn to is Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control Rock 'n' Roll Pest Control A-wha-ho A-wha-ho Wha-ho

Coward Man away! (WOMAN SCREAMS)

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off.

You wouldn't know perversion if it put clamps on your testicles! You're just jealous, 'cause you've never known true love! Oh, no? Back when I was full of piss and vinegar, and my bed wasn't, I fell in love with the sweetest girl ever to skip through a field of posies. Her name was Eunice,

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING) He did it! He actually did it this time.

Can I come, Leela? Well... I guess so. just be careful.

No! I can't do this! Oh, my God! Oh, how could Amy leave me?

Mmm-- Mmm-- Uh-- Uh-- Now, this is why I prefer your nonstick robots. Oh.

After they said I had an obnoxious ego? Me, the magnificent Bender? (GASPS) Back! Back, you beasts!

Ah, here we are. Monument Beach. Wait. Mount Rushmore and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I didn't know they were both in New York. They are now.

That's what I'm gonna call the yacht. (CLUCKING) Stop pecking me! Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway.

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender! This move's called the Bender. Yo, hot wheels. This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves!

I can finally do all the crazy stuff I always dreamed of doing. Howard Stern is overrated! Uh, oops! New York is so burned! Remember when Mayor Giuliani cracked down on jaywalking? No.

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time.

Help! Help! A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished. Oh, the jedis are going to feel this one.

Fry, swallow your food, then talk. A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid? No. I did see a mermaid. She was wearing a tube top.

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

They must just want to see that episode. Let's find a tape and give it to them. There aren't any copies left. No, there wouldn't be. Most videotapes from that era were damaged in 2443 during the second coming of jesus.

So, now what happens? Tell you what, you keep the big one. Long as I got a baby to neglect, I'm happy. Should we call child services? No, let's just get outta here. Whoo-hoo!

I'll get you fixed up. - Ohhh! - That's fine. Wait a minute! Bender, what did you just do to the professor? I bent him. Bender! j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending.

What can I say? Must be my lucky shades. Nothing. Nothing. Crap. Crap. Garbage. Read 'em and leak saltwater. My baby's milk money!

Huh? Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin!

This is wrong, Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds, we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment. In another city, we could be anyone we want! Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay.

Okay, then. Leela, Amy, come to work topless tomorrow. Forget it. I promised myself I wouldn't pose naked until I was married. Sorry. It's in your contract. "All female employees must pose nude if requested." That's discriminatory. No, it's in all our contracts. Here's mine. "All female employees must pose nude if requested."

You remember, right? Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212°, I'm not interested. Have you got an extra "goto 10" line? I said I don't need a Bender. Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.

Come on, baby! Do ah do! De dat diddly whoop boopity boo! Come on! Doo do! Bee bop boo! I'm not familiar with the type of thing I'm seeing. Bite my shiny metal ass! Ooh! Yeah. Come on, baby. Ooh! Unh! Come on. Yeah.

Is it possible that all this slavery and oppression... is schmutzing up our freedom lesson? Aw, take a pill, Zoidberg. Begin again with the crushing! You haven't won yet, "Moyvin"!

Attention, helium miners. Can you hear me?

This one's lost its pizzazz. A fortune, it is. At last, Zoidberg will live like a rich man!

It doesn't look so shiny to me.

I realize now that you're a true hero, not a glory seeking arsonist. How'd you figure it out? Your burnt-up medal. I know you would never set a fire that would endanger your own valuables. Of course not. It was a psychotic flame creature from the sun who set those fires. Flame creature?

The university is bringing me up on disciplinary charges. Wait. That's not good news at all.

Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know.

I'll call and tell you about it. Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have the week off? No!

The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan!

Please? You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything. Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it. Bender's in his office. Thanks. I got your hookup, Fry.

No one gives my boy that option! Bring it on, jell-O pop! Yeah! Get him, Dad. Show him who's boss! Get 'im, Pops. Hooray?

Nice try, little boy.

Bring it on, soup can. All right, break it up, you two.

Aw, I'm gonna spend eternity alone, with barely any swag! Ooh! Hey, universe! Check out the dude with the Rolex! Wow! Ostentatious. Except, what good is a candelabra without--

(BENDER GASPING) The dance is so complex. The eye can barely follow it.

I'm saving it for the fancy-pantses... at Zapp Branigan's black tie reception.

(ALL GASP) Now, now, let's not all panic at once. We'll have to take shifts. Hermes, you take the first six hours. Very well. (CLEARS THROAT AND SCREAMS) FARNSWORTH: Louder! Louder!

The Federal Sex Bureau. A saucy puppet show. The rotting carcass of a whale. Mmm... I'll pick. Oh, WOW, it's totally retro. Why's everyone wearing those rings?

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

But I didn't even limbo. No matter. I know from personal experience how horizontal you can get. As your reward, you and that hair pile are invited to dine at the captain's table this evening. Whoo! Well, now you know--

Aw, hell... I mean heck. It's all right.

The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry. Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago. Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.

That'll take care of those annoying rats.

They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait. I know how to take care of this, no problem. You deadbeats are under arrest.

Representing our men, women and children in uniform, it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Branigan. Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on. Let loose and show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit. Oh, yeah! Thank you, Linda!

Next year in jerusalem! Two adults, please. Finally, get ready for some serious moon action. The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream.

(ZAPPING) You stink, loser. Yeah, yeah. (VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS) (GASPS) Is that the music? No, that's just the sound the game makes when you get the all-time lowest score. Hey, Fry. Pizza going out. Come on!

I fell in love with the sweetest girl ever to skip through a field of posies. Her name was Eunice, and we spent our blissful days working in a lab, developing a poison to wipe out that dreadful posy infestation.

I don't want the credit! Genetic engineering is wrong! Oh, really? Tell that to your old friend, the giant. (SCREAMS) Where is he? Oh, God, he's invisible now! Fee-fi, hi. I'm Stan. Aha! You see? I freed him from your infernal contraption and he returned to normal.

They take you out for a drink, but when the check comes their wallet's always in their other pants which they borrowed from me. Dinner ready? Those lousy Moochers cleaned out our pantry. All they left was baking soda and capers and here it is. Great. We're two days from Earth with no food.

A test! I demand a test! Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer,

Damn, that's a good costume.

Ow! (SCREAMS) Well, enough governing. It's Saturday morning, damn it. Let's watch some cartoons. (GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit!

I did not perish that fateful day, but rather plummeted into the toxic lake, where I mutated and lived in solitude until this ruddy lad here stepped into my mouth and lodged there.

That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy. It's a forbidden fruit angle everybody loves.

(SCREAMING) Bender, whatever you do, don't think about any more octopuses. Octopuses? I believe the correct plural is octopi.

Look, never mind the words. Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey. Hmm...

That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years, I can wait a little longer.

Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

That's some primordial evil. This skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy. (ELECTRONIC BUZZING) Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Anyhow, you've lowered my self-esteem a bit more, but I'm sincerely grateful you came all this way to deliver my fungus chisel. Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

Kif! jump! My hero. Me not get snu-snu! Get him!

Casual hello. It's me, Zoidberg. Act naturally.

It is? Of course. You should read a blimp sometime. "Download a celebrity from the Internet."

What does it say? I dunno. But the analysis showed it was printed on recycled toilet paper. A "squeezably" soft paper used mainly in the sewers. It says, "Your parents love you very much." We still do. So, I'm not an alien? I'm a mutant?

Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body?

Wait a second. This is Panucci's. I used to work in this exact pizzeria. And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats. I don't know where you get your facts, sir, but I am a volunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation...

(COUGHS) So sober, so weak. Things really worked out nicely this time. (SNORING) (SPUTTERING) This doesn't taste like old-man water.

Looks like this planet is next in line. That's Earth. The planet we live on? I'd hate to be those guys. Ooh! What's got into him? He's twitching like Zoidberg when someone mentions the word "food."

Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all.

From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back? Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you. 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions. Oh, that's right. Get lost!

This guest does not look 160. What, I'm old! Listen-- Hey, you kids, get off the lawn! Hmm. It is true old people are often concerned that there are children on their lawns. There's no denying that,

Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap.

Thank you for saving the universe, Fry. Here. Oh, thanks. If you ever need a savior again, just ask.

Let the hunt begin.

Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! Huuh! Ow! And now, the hand-eye coordination lobe. Waah! Waah! No! Stop that! Stop it, man!

Business is down, so I filed papers to have you all reclassified as slaves. Well, well. If it isn't our little munchkin moguls. Would you ju-- What's the trouble, men? Need some penny rolls for your profits?

Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you. What is the matter with you?

Sure. There's just one thing I want you to do. What? - I want you to wake up. - Wake up? But I'm not--

Oh, no, no. God, no. Your insides will boil out of your eye sockets like a science-fair volcano. I didn't want to know!

Simply vomit on me ever so gently while I humiliate a pheasant.

What are you doing, darling? Get down! Light hot. Oil temperature rising. Oh, no. Malfunction. This ain't good. System error.

Therefore, I will administer a series of tests to determine the superior gender. Test number one, who can drink the most sulfur? (BOTH COUGHING AND RETCHING) Test inconclusive. Test number two, who can drink the most arsenic? Just ask us some damn questions.

Oh, my God. You knocked Fox off the air. Pfft. Like anyone on Earth cares.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! He's a visionary! Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this.

You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home!

You are the sole diversion in what has been a pale and unamusing season.

Robot, experience this tragic irony for me. No! Ahh.

I was the one trying to save the Popplers. You were sucking them down like the fat hog you are and you were stepping on them for fun.

I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's even treated. Okay, what does this look like to you? Um... a grayish blob? Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time.

Please, sir. I love you like a father.

Halfway there. The ship should be getting a bit less rational now. Me... want... engulf... Bender!

(ALL CHEERING) Huzzah! I've saved the Farnsworth name. Urgent message for Mr. Revere. "Mr. Revere, pray do not fhit your pants. "The British attack has begun. "Cross the river and watch for my signal." I must ride.

we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things! All my friends are gonna hang out herE tonight

Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business. Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet.

(SLURPING) Oh, God. Fruit is spelled F-R-O-O-T. And it's got quotation marks around it.

We did it! We're the right ages again! I think I might be a couple years younger! Ohhh! Me too!

Professor, you did it. You solved the problem that baffled Einstein and drove Stephen Hawking to quit physics and become a cartoon voice actor. I like physics, but I love cartoons. This is the greatest moment in scientific history.

Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore. (GASPS) Fry! All My Circuits is on in three minutes! What? We got to get home! (BENDER CHUCKLES) Hey!

unnameable horror from beyond, with mango chutney. Pathetic humans, prepare to write down the recipe! Hey, what's with all the pots and pans?

That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver. Do you mind? Here you go. You can use this as an eye poker.

What am I gonna do? I got an emperor all patsied up to switch bodies, but only with another robot! Washbucket full.

I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

Good Lord! According to the spectrolizer, Spargle's magic ingredient was water, ordinary water! No! Ah! So the real gift Spargle gave you was confidence--

Ew! There. That time I left both lanterns in place. And I hit Farnsworth much, much harder. Perhaps too hard. Look, all the presidents are back. Even John Tyler.

Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well. How'd you do that? They're very good hands.

By the time you watch this tape, I'll be gone, leaving behind nothing but a history of failure and my original hip bones. You see, I've been lying about my age. I'm not actually 150. I'm 160. Oh, vanity, thy name is Professor Farnsworth.

I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure.

Options? We have only one option. Protocol 62. Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas. Then Protocol 63 it is.

Wait a second! There's a microwave radar dish at the army base. We could steal it. No! That would alter history. Above all else, it is our sacred duty to preserve the past exactly as it was. Well, I killed my grandfather. Wha-- Wait. If you killed your grandfather, why do you still exist?

Hey, Bender? Yeah? Whoa! All right... this is the third hose fight I've broken up today and the second one using actual hoses. Now, move your lazy asses and start scrubbing the ship like I ordered you to. You don't have to get so mad, Leela.

Is it within the city limit? I think, yes. Told you. Hey, you want to celebrate our escape? Maybe grab a shot of tequila and take in a big-league cockfight?

Don't eat my butt! If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING) (SCREAMING)

Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight! Whoa!

But that's a good thing! "Walking On Sunshine" sucks noodles!

"Sincerely, Harold Zoid. P.S. Cashier's check." Did you hear that? I'm going to Hollywood!

Women only room!

This way! Oh! Oh!

How can I live my life when I can't tell good from evil? Ah, they're both fine choices-- whatever floats your boat. Is this the guy? Huh? Oh, yeah. That looks like him, whatever. Wait! But-- Take him away.

Besides, these are adult stem cells harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stem cells. (GRUNTING) Hermes Conrad!

So long, coffin-stuffers! Could one of you coffin-stuffers please carry me?

Ah... some good, old high-gravity rain. That'll cool us off. Ow. Ow, ow! This is all Leela's fault. Yeah. If she had let us use the backup dolly we could have broken it given up, and gone home by now.

But that don't impress the robot devil, no, sir. No, sir! 'Cause if you're a sinner he's going to plug his infernal modem in the wall belching smoke and flame, and he's going to download you straight to robot hell.

So, anyway, we open up the panda crate and wouldn't you know it, the damn thing's dead. Upchucked its bamboo. True story.

We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil. Ours is small and neutral. Switzerland is small and neutral. We're more like Germany-- ambitious and misunderstood. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany.

If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. (TIRES SQUEALING)

about my eternal love for you burning-- et cetera. I do. I do. Okay then. Mmm. I'm a doctor. She's dead.

If you waNt to call me, baby Hey, who's been messin' with the radio? This isn't alternative rock. It's college rock. Oh, it must have been the new, improved ship's personality software I installed. Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic.

Not with the dogs. Come here, Sea Gasket. (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) No! You, sir, are a heartless monster,

You call this a table? You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?!

Oh, Adlai. I've had a wonderful time today. No one's stared at me, or avoided staring at me, or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird. Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

Sunburn! My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol? I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella. What?! I put sunblock on you. Well, it didn't work. Come on, Bender.

Sounds good. See you Monday!

You look sad. You want to go down to the phone store and check out the new ring tones? No. It's been a weird day. I'm just gonna stay here and think for a while. Okay. (KISSES) LEELA: To my wonderful friends,

Well, first, I got up and had a piece of toast then I brushed my teeth then I went to the store to buy some fish, then I... Fry, look what you did.

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ahhh! Thanks for the brain scans, kids. Don't have any children for the next couple of days. All right, boys and girls, enough fun. Your old friend Leela is back with a brand new story.

- Uh-oh. - Sorry.

It's not germs, is it? No.

But... then we wouldn't be roommates. I'll come visit sometime, and you can visit me here. No, he can't. Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out. This way we'll both be happy. Happy. Yeah, that's Bender. Always happy.

What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix? For one thing, we both have a tough outer shell... but lead a rich inner life. And also-- Well, you know. You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gamblers? No! It's just...

More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight! More!

Pay dirt! Hyah! Here you go, big spender. Foie gras and caviar. Goose liver?

- Marco! - Polo! Marco!

Fire me, iffen you dare.

We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive. Tangled-up Christmas lights.

Ooh, dibs on his CD player!

Bender, you can talk trash. You can handle the ball. But look in your heart and ask yourself,

Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay.

There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS) Miss Wong? No, Scruffy, I am Washbucket.

There it is-- The Near Death Star.

Like, where there's a kabuki theater, there's a concession stand. (CANNED LAUGHTER) Say, Fry, why do you always have the munchies? And also your eyes are bloodshot, you're paranoid, and the van has a skunky odor. Search me. No, don't. I'm carrying. (LAUGHS)

Huh. Did everything just taste purple for a second? Oh, well, let's go home, you dumb poop machine.

Everybody was doing it. I just wanted to be popular.

Fry, you saved my ass out there. Aw! I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny. And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking...

I saw you at Elzar's with those two... ladies of the evening. Explain that! Okay. I like a challenge. Um, no.

Please welcome our new Chief Executive Officer, That Guy! Yea! Whoo-Whoo-Whoo! Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people, sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired.

(SCREAMING HOARSELY)

In your face! Victory is mine!

Hello? Are there any girls in this room at all? Yeah. Bring on the hot chicks 'cause I'm a hot stud. Yeah. So are we. I'm a woman if that's what you mean. I don't like to play games, so I'll just say I'm a Cyclops.

Uh, Fry? You're glowing like the Human Torch on prom night. Shouldn't you be standing on a rocky coast somewhere preventing shipwrecks? (ALL LAUGHING) Nice, hate me because of the brightness of my skin. (GROANING)

I'm back, baby! Blaah!

Tell me, Dr. Beeler. Will I need to threaten you? Not at all. You see, nowadays we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production. I call the process "science." I'll just need to locate that guitar image on your file system. (GIGGLING) (ELECTRONIC CHIMING)

Kick it. He could make a good hat rack He only has to stand there Or a cheap doorstop He doesn't need to move Or a great big giant thermos Giant thermos With a twist-off top That would be good for soup

Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

Zoidberg? Sorry I didn't call first, Carol, but I'm in a hurry. I need your help to save Hubert. Let him go and stooge the hell out of here. We're on it. (EXCLAIMING) Beautiful kids. You must be very proud.

It was as though I were living in a facility in Florida with hundreds of other old people. All day long, we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal and wait for our children to call. It's a hundred times more horrible than anything I could imagine.

Meanwhile, I have a plan. We will single-handedly attack our archenemy, the Neutral planet. Oh, geez. Once the Neutral war machine lies in ruins I'll be a hero again and the DOOP will reinstate me as captain.

Have sex with them and you're in. Actually, sir, I'm-- I'm a little nervous about meeting her family.

Ow! Fire hot! The professie will help. Fire indeed hot!

Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here. Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman.

Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him. (MUMBLING) It's nice to meet you. We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing And laugh and learn and smile And think and other happy things

No pressure. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (KNUCKLES CRACKING) Will you come on? (TWO BEEPS)

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe. Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit. Wait a moment. If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos, I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet!

Pardon me, sir, but you seem to be inadvertently kicking my seat. Pardon me, sir--

Oh, come on. He's just a poor kid from the stupid ages. Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball. No one makes fun of my nose.

Oh! Wait, why didn't that hurt? (WOMANLY SCREAM) My wingwang's gone! My girls! My antenna! My kajigger! My gonopores! Look it up.

Oh, right. I was supposed to assign you a job. Let me just get your career chip installed. Hold out your palm. What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced. This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other. Ooh. Romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there. It's not a there...

Who asked you to? I told you a hundred times to stop treating me like a baby. Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper. That's it! I'm never helping you again. If anyone except you needs me I'll be in the ship. I'll be fine.

Merry Xmas, kids. Aah!

What art thou doing, Malachi jr.? I'm practicing to hug Daddy when he gets back from God. Mm. Mm! Ugh! Gag unto me with a spoon. Malachi? it's high time I laid down a few commandments. You got a chisel? Take this down.

"U leave me breathless"? Happy Valentine's Day, Fry. Happy Valentine's Day.

Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but-- No. It's my fellow cast members. Three hundred years ago, they left Earth behind.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on!

Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist. Anecdote accepted. Snappy comeback not found.

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

Hmm, so they finally jazzed it up.

What's your name?

The core? Oh, this is too easy. Once I make my way there, your planet will go micro-nova and become a miniature sun, with me as its supreme alderman. (LAUGHS EVILLY) Oh, no, you probably don't!

Oh, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! You ruined my life! Goodbye!

I'm sure Leela's tired of morons gaping at her eye all the time. Oh-h-h!

Congratulations, Mother. Can you die happy now? Not yet. Darn. I can't rest until this bending unit is restored to factory specs!

Here. But no chocolate, it's bedtime.

Knight Rider wasn't evil. His windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show, though. Anyway... only after bringing Project Satan to life did they discover they had made a horrible mistake. For you see...

This company's gonna shoot straight to the top... and stay there, like Cyndi Lauper. I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on Earth? Is it Planet Express, master? Is this guy a shark or what?

The feast is served! Choose whatever two-dimensional foods you like. Crepes, flatbread, McDonald's hamburgers. You get the idea. Yum! Apples! Hey, how come I can't swallow?

She's gone. But she saved all our lives. Without her, we're light enough to get away. Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

Does not compute. I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has been extinct since the 2200s. What? Oh, my, yes, fished to death-- just about the time your people arrived on earth wasn't it, Zoidberg? I'm not on trial here. So none of you has ever had anchovies?

What's so funny? Nothing. Wait a minute. Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again? What? Me, Bender the robot? There's metal flakes on it. And they look like ass flakes.

(YELLING) Here, take him! What are you waiting for, a kiss goodbye? Go already!

I must look ridiculous. No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game.

Yes, yes. Anyhow, I've designed an oil-eating bacterium... that should take the tar right off. Come on. Let's go tell Leela, so we can grow up together.

What's not to sneak into? Bender, you can't crash a mob wedding. You forget, Leela. I'm Bender, owner of disguise. And now, ladies and gentlemen, my good friend, Calculon. (BAND PLAYING) Hey, this one's for the new couple.

Hey, thanks for noticing. Just for that, I'm gonna slip you into the 57th verse. You can be my best friend who abandons me when I need you.

Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this. Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge.

Until they run out of steam

Hello? Imperial Dragon Restaurant? I've got a herd of you-know-whats for sale. Let me check. Oh, aren't you a cutie? About 35 pounds. What?

Dean Vernon, I'd like you to meet my parents, Leo and Inez. Ah, Mr. And Mrs. Wong. I'm so glad we could admit Amy in exchange for your generous contribution. How much more for Phi Beta Kappa? How much you got?

Ow! Ooh! Whoa! Eh! Hey! Whoa-oh!

And the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. 4:00, 7:00, any time. No way! I'm not lying. Also, Leela and I... Had a very nice, very private vacation. Let's just leave it at that.

Grabby and Squeezy? Never! I love these guys! Well, is there anything else you would part with? No! Nothin'! Ain't gonna happen. Yes! With this built-in stadium air horn I can really annoy people! And all it cost me was my crotch plate.

You just said-- Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

(BEEPING) (DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYS) Dude, you broke my reed! You owe me, like, a dollar! You'll have to kill me for it! (EXCLAIMING)

I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago When a happy thought dispelled my woe And I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull "If I sliced up his cyborg skull" He wants a brain He wants a robot brain Another brain

Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same. Is it dangerous?

(ALARM SOUNDING) Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine. Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh... Oops.

Everyone, look at my latest invention! Okay. I like how it's not killing us so far. It takes any object and makes two smaller copies. All right! Why? You see, as I age, I've been shrinking and feeling colder.

No! No! (SOBBING) Earth is gone! We're the only two humans left in the universe!

Now go. Go gather your nuts, you nagging grasshopper.

Excuse me for a moment.

Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach! Can I somehow charge it to my eyePhone for an additional fee? MOM: Hell, yes!

Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack?

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel. (ALL SCREAMING)

Waaa-taah! Then along came Bender. Hmm? Looks like you're retaining water.

(YAWNING) I don't trust that MacZongo. Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy. Don't worry about MacZongo. He and I are having brunch tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing this.

Now everybody likes basketball instead of kabuki. It's an insult to my Japanese heritage. How so? This is America, not Japan.

Well, now it's your choice. Is there nothing in the future worth saving? Mmm, Leela. But she doesn't think much of me. Ah. She must be the other. Wh-Wha--

Uh-huh. Hey, like, here's a puzzler. How old are we on a scale of 14 to 32? (CANNED LAUGHTER) Did anyone else hear that weird laugh? It's spooky. It doesn't seem to correspond to anything funny happening. I'll say. (CANNED LAUGHTER)

Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I still a good person? I don't know, sir. I'm a program built into the intercom. I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, some time, for some reason, I'll block this takeover!

Congo jack! Another shocking twist! Yes! And I have a message for you from Colonel Matombay. He says this is from Congo jack. Uh, uh-- Oh!

Get him! My thong! Hi! I'm Heather, your personal youthasizer.

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters. For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor...

but before then, there's still lots I wanna do on my own. What was that? Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the-- Look! Spirit!

(DEFIBRILLATOR WHINING) Clear! (LAUGHING)

You were doing well until everyone died.

Wha-what? Oh, you?! What the hell are you doing here? We've been looking for you. Last we heard, you were under arrest as a human sympathizer. I was-- but they let me go when I told them I killed a million billion humans. Good for you. Now, let's all get back to the ship. What for? We're rescuing you. I don't want to be rescued.

Please, Amy, the act of love is a beautiful and natural... Oh, my God, cover your eyes!

Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register. Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting? The very instant I became old.

Can't we stop them from multiplying? Yes, I reckon it is our responsibility. And thankfully, we have a plan. What is it? We'll do anything. Everyone, grab your guns. I declare penguin huntin' season officially open!

You're okay. Yes, I am, having just this minute regained consciousness. I've got an idea. Hold still.

Huh? Fellow Shrimpkins, behold him that hath taken us unto his breast! Holy frijoles!

. Good news, everyone. We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University.

Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot. Mmm...

Hey, what's rattling around in there? It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention. To the laboratory.

Geez. What does it take to kill me?

Attention, New New Yorkers! Stop acting so stupid!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Introducing the all-new eyePhone 2.0. (CHEERING)

(BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you! If I can't have you, no one can! Oh, shucks. (GROANS) Bender! No!

Welcomes aboard, scab. Great to be here. Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab coworkers you'll be scabbin' with. This here's our scab foreman. Flexo? Bender?

Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. And yet you haven't said what I told you to say. How can any of us trust you? Quit badgering the witness. Badger? Where?

Come on, Calculon, you can't just quit acting. I was never an actor. I was a self-deluded blowhard full of hot air. Maybe I can get a job as a hair dryer. That's good, steady work. No! We like you and your big words.

You're such a lousy mascot No one understands a single word you say not even the jerk in the ascot Rite my riny retal rass! (OWL HOOTING)

Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

One of the people in this room is a big murderer.

Everyone, put on your seat belts. Ah, those things cost more lives than they save.

Yeah, but in the year 3000 I had it all: several friends, a low-paying job a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.

His name is Shazam. (BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this? (CLEARS THROAT) (MIMICS OMINOUS MUSIC) Your singing is awful. I can't take it anymore.

Two men go down, one come up. Look, the professor trusts me with a giant spaceship. He wouldn't trust the rest of you with his dentures. Yes, he would. Sorry, everyone, but need I remind you? Blood is thicker than water. "Blood... thicker... water."

I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail. Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the "terlet." Course, it's shank or be shanked. Of course.

Help! Somebody help us! It's humans. Shall we mug them, robot sir? No, wait. I know these guys. They got nothing. Ho... ho... ho! You've been very naughty, Bender. What, me? I didn't do nothing. You're thinking of the kid.

Hot. I could bake a potato in my cleavage.

Here's something for your trouble. It's money. Wow, thanks.

They called me crazy for building this ark! You are crazy! You filled it with same-sex animal couples! Hey, there are parts of the Bible I like and parts I don't like! Direct your pity now to the African turtles, seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.

Name's Old Man Waterfall,

Fathers Against Rude Television... don't want our kids watching Bender's high-definition filth. And for what, some kind of cheap laugh? That's not what F.A.R.T. is all about. No, sir. Not us FARTers! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't censor me just 'cause I'm an obscenely bad role model.

Well, there's the material rewards.

You were probably just shooting some big, fuzzy craps. No! I think I may have hurt someone. Oh, Lord, I'm on the verge of a nervous meltdown. Geez, Bender, you're scaring me. You're going wacko. You're right. I need professional help and damn the expense.

Damn it, Kiff, where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks. Actually, sir... ooh! Make me a new one. Use a brush, you dunderhead and mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching.

Welcome back to the Clippie Awards, honoring the year's most accomplished delivery boys. Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle. Good luck, Dwight. (RINGS BELL) And the nominees are Johnny Jensen from Rent-A-Cat,

What? The very idea!

Please stop sinning while I'm singing Selling bootleg tapes is wrong Musicians need that income to survive Hey, Bender, going to make some noise With the hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys

It doesn't look so shiny to me. Shinier than yours, meat bag.

Hey! Yeah! Bender loves to burgle!

The fox has been sighted. (SOUNDS HORN) Yeah, get that fox. Go, dogs, go. Either way.

Billy, do you wanna come over tonight? We can make out together. Gee, Mavis, your house is across the street. That's an awfully long way to go for makin' out.

Come on, freedom cage! Roll me to safety! Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! I never thought I'd escape with my doodle, but I pulled it out. just like at the movie theater. Whoo!

Oh, my God. What the...? Hey, Alcazar, you left somebody off the guest list. Alcazar! Why you are so late for our wedding? And why you have only one eye? It's... Ooh. Uh, hey, sweetie.

they're all made of nano-plastic. So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened? Pfft! I can't even imagine singing about such a thing. Well Fry, run! Oh, relax, Beeler's stupid machine takes hours to print anything.

The one with the wheels! Poor flimsy humans. Don't you wish you were flawless like me? A towering inferno of physical perfection? I hate to pop your blimp-like ego, but you are not perfect. Am so. Are not. Is too! Says who?

Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera. Guess again. Ah, um, um! Gross!

Stop. We give in to all of Earth's demands. The war is over. Our home planet is yours.

Do something! Fear not, Leela. They may not have technology, like us, but we have something they don't have. Technology.

I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear Employee: Has it really been five, ten or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work."

Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open. We'll just let ourselves out. Silence! You all know too much. Elders, execute function control-shift-kill. Stop!

What does it mean? It's just gibberish. 1-0-1-0-0-1-1-0-1-0?! Uncle Vladimir!

For outdated pants I like 'em tight My broken friend could do it all just give him a chance That robot has a tragic secret That I'd like to share For real? My broken friend is closer to me

(BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING) (MACHINE GUN FIRING)

Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age!

Bender, a turtle isn't yourself. Why do you care about it? Because I also care deeply about things that remind me of myself, like poor little Shelly here. What could you possibly have in common with this walkin' soup mix?

Uhh! The ballot was confusing! How about a hand recount? Okay. Ow! The takeover of Planet Express is approved! Ah, man! This stinks! Madam is outraged! Security! I want that bunch of rowdies out of here!

That's what I wanted you to think with your soft, human brain. Hey, uh, why is the TV getting smaller?

I didn't bring any things. That's what I like best about you, baby. (EXCLAIMING) Rambler, you slept with my Jezebel, and I'm comin' for to run you down, Lord, Lord. I'm comin' for to run you down

It's set in the year 4000, and we call it Futurella! (BUZZER SOUNDING) Wow. Fox has really streamlined the process.

They're getting married. Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it.

But there was this gang of ten-year-olds with guns. Exactly. You're in L.A. But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other. That's L.A. for you. But the air is green and there's no sign of civilization whatsoever. He just won't stop with the social commentary. And the people are all phonies. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it.

Whatever its beef is, our one mission now is to get that monument to Earth. Correction: our one mission now is to avenge the loss of that monument.

Oh, no. Freezer Burn is... NIXON: Sleeping. I will avenge him, you heartless... NIXON: Bastards! It's okay if I say it. (GRUNTS) (GROANS) NIXON: Just measuring you for a new hat. Three, four, cha-cha-cha.

There's only one way to ensure victory. I must perform the ultimate death scene. I shall drink the actual poison and actually die.

Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

Fry! Fry, wake up! It's me, Bigface! Come out and groom my mangy fur! Bigfoot? You taught yourself English? Bigfoot? Bigfoot!

Jawohl. This change everything, Tight-Clothes-Man. We forgive Homo sapiens for actions of stuck-up ancestors. So be it. In recognition of your overwhelming victory, let's call it a draw. (CHEERING)

Bigger! Bigger! A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler.

Fry, stop trying to do things for me. Whatever time we have left, just live it with me. So, you want to join the Balcony Club? The Balcony Club? I have an individual membership.

Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain?

He's come to finish the job! Someone toss me out the window! No, no. Wait. I-- I feel terrible about what happened.

Thanks for the help, Wee-waa! Once we're growed up, you can go back to your fam-wee. We'll never bother you again. Well, you could bother me a little. It's working! Hooray! I can't hold on!

(PANTING) Am I really just a robot? I mean, I have Leela's memories. Her opinion of gazelles, majestic. Her emotions, confused and hurt. I swear, I didn't know this would happen.

Bob Dole needs company. Larouche won't stop with the knock-knock jokes.

How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry? I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. As though. I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Yeah, and if you were the pope they'd be all, "straighten your pope hat." And "Put on your good vestments."

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me. Come on, boy, jump! Good boy. Whoa, Mittens.

Then a couple of these... And here we go! What the tropical hell are you doing? (ALL EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE) What? I've been saving myself for 100 years, and this is how you repay me?

(BENDER DRY HEAVING) Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them. BENDER: Look, off in the distance!

Al? I did my hair the way you wanted it. Who are these people?

Hmm, I can see where that would be an advantage. Do you take cash? Fry, you have to be more careful. You're not in the 20th century anymore.

The Iron Cook Neptunian has gone all out to please the judges. He's even garnished the salad with $100 bills. Let's see what they think.

BOTH: You want us to do four things? My Manwich! (DINGING) ALL: What's up, shorty? And that's the story of how one of me became two,

are masters of the textile arts. Taste like king crab, by the way. Crazy bugs actually wove this tapestry of my heroic conquest... while I was still killing them. What? It's not even scratch-and-sniff. But if rich people think it's good, I'll buy it.

The bicker sisters teaming up? Talk about cat women on the moon. (BOTH YOWL) Okay, enough of that already. We're not really fighting.

Oh! Bender, hurry up! This one is really good. But I can still do better. Who are you people? Why are you attacking my ego? You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen.

Yes, I believe you. (ZAPP GRUNTING)

All right, here's the plan. Zoidberg, pick up the pieces. Everyone else, take five. And Zoidberg picks up another piece!

Ah! There you are, Leela. I just wanted to thank you for helping me engineer the perfect bean. You've made me a very richer woman. What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature!

Go on without me. I'll hold her off. But she'll crush you like a worm... crushing a smaller worm. It's all right. I'm so tired of partying, so very tired. I'll save you the only way I know how. By partying! Babes? Yes, Mr. McKenzie?

So you're in pain and have a bunch of needles? I prescribe acupuncture. Let's begin. (SCREAMING) Blood? I mean, blood. Put it back in me! I'm afraid Fry lost a lot of juice.

Man! I'm dripping with placenta. Good thing it's Casual Friday. Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg!

Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Good-bye. Uh, Professor? Oh, oh, yes, the announcement. As you all know, I am not long for this world. Yes, we do. True dat.

What? I'm gonna revert... through all my larval stages?

- LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Your Highness, a package came for you.

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho! You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list.

Well, I'm stumped.

Leela, this is just a stupid distraction from the issues. Please don't look for my Earth certificate. Hey! That was my favorite window. I better see what they want. (CHANTING) We want an Earthling, not a dirty space thing! Why are you rednecks doing this? Leela, don't stereotype.

In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby-- No! Tell the slaves they can all go. Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy.

"I-i-- I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies." Kif!

You gotta Globetrotter that explosion up a little, Farnsie. Make it an implosion. By God, Sweet Clyde is right! An implosion might just form a black hole... that would stop more chronitons from escaping.

I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn't make sense. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense... but okay. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks thin. You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites? Why, yes. Thanks for noticing. Now ask her how her day was.

Fry, could you come in here and help me rub on this new scented body oil? In a second. I'm eavesdropping. Please, Fry? Leela punishes me when I don't use enough. I said not now! Sure, I know a guy.

There! No rampaging for you tonight.

This is Officer 1-B-D-i requesting backup. We'll be there in five minutes.

We'll camp near the top. The rustlers will be sure to spot us there. Where?

Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Ready. Aim... NIXON: Negotiate.

or tried to burn me-- You make me feel so not weird. Leela, you're 999,999 in a million.

You're garbage, human garbage! Do you brain-dead space jockeys have any idea how much that thing is worth?

(EXCLAIMS) If you could just quiet down, I wanted to get your opinion of my comic book. Senor, anyone who still writes comics is a hero to me. Mmm. It stinks. But, um, I do like the tiny doodles in the margins. Oh, that's just some relish from a hot dog I found.

Remarkable! But... my dream. Your science can't unprove that. How could I have known the gift was in Fry's locker? Easy. He told you about it before he died, and your grief-roasted mind blocked it out. Are you saying... I'm going crazy?

Talk about whatever inside Trip into the eggman's mind... Should we turn on the TV? Nah.

Who did you call? Dial-a-bomb? No, I just told the robot company I was defective. You dumb cocktail shaker! Mom won't allow a defective product to tarnish her good name! She'll kill you! Big whoop. I'll just download into a new... Oh, right. If I die, I die.

I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families.

But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. The point is, one vote can make a difference. And even though it won't I'm still taking you to get registered. Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register. Professor, when did you become so obsessed with voting? The very instant I became old.

There's something really familiar about that melody. (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) It's not Walking on Sunshine. It's not Foggy Mountain Breakdown. What else is there? I don't know, but I do have a friend who helps me identify melodies. His name is Shazam. (BEEPS) Shazam, what song is this?

We'll bill you for the couch.

and if my calculations are correct, it will land here on your finger. You've made me the happiest finger in the whole wide hand.

You didn't hurt me at all but I know you wanted to, and that's what matters. Here's to you.

(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

There's no need to call me names, Leela. Just call me, "Daddy." (SCREAMS) Mom, if you try to marry Zapp, I will shove you into a filthy nursing home so fast you won't know what hit you.

Gentlemen, the new office chairs are here. (ALL GIBBERING EXCITEDLY)

How'd you do, Fry? I'll tell you when my horse finishes. Bad.

The transmission cuts out there, sir. No, I guess it keeps going. There we go. My God! The senile old man is right! Do you mean him or me? - Him. - Oh.

Clone, robot or a long-lost twin! Takin' all bets! I also offer video poker! It's some guy wearing a Leela costume. Get 'im! Hold it! You have this all wrong!

The waffle iron! It's turned against us! (MUFFLED EXPLOSION) (BELCHES) Excuse me. Mom, listen. Don't ask how I know, but I'm never going to see you again.

And that'll be enough to give you a real life. She'll never know we're her parents.

(ALL GASPING) We thought we were so smart with our science and dancing. But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy! The shame is too great. It's time to end this. (GRUNTING) Zoidberg, stop! We're too scared right now to enjoy the ceremony of your death.

(SNARLING) (MEOWING IN TUNE) (MEOWING IN HUSKY TONE) (GLASS SHATTERING)

Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez. I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?

what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network. Aye, aye, sir. Commence lip identification scan.

Get the humanoid. Get the intruder. Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. Feeding time.

I thought I'd whip us up some shelter, make this a little more like home. I do miss the Earth terribly. I wonder if it's even still there. Let's find out together. I'll brave the ship's wreckage to fetch you the telescope. That's so sweet. I'm just saying, is all.

Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans. My two favorite things are commitment and changing myself. Does that dummy have a brother?

Oh, my, yes! Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson. There he is! All right! Closure!

Madame, I believe you're mistaken. Wow, that lady's got a huge ass. Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass. The robot has to go. Yeah! Well, you heard the mob. Fine. Come on, Fry. Let's move to that apartment that smelled like a sewer.

All I have in the world is this coupon for one free session at the tanning salon. Oh, John, that's really all you have? Then, I'll take it. (MOANING)

Oh, yeah? Could a dream take you dancing in a Venusian garden? Well, yes, technically. But it's still very sweet of you. Then what if we shared a midnight sleigh ride across the ice fields of Hyperion?

This is the best-estest day of my whole... (GROANS) Oh, my God, people! She's having a heart attack!

What do you want? I'm here to kick your ass! Wishful thinking. We have long since evolved beyond the need for asses.

My God! It's full of geezers.

just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's somethin' else! Let me at 'im! Get over here, Kif! Look. I'm sure we're all a little unclear... on how anyone gets pregnant, so, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate. Well, it's quite simple, really.

Uh, I'm flattered, really. If I was going to do it with a big, freaky mud bug you'd be way up the list. Hush, you romantic fool. Engage your mandibles and kiss me.

Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened. What do you say? Want to go around again? I do.

I'm seeing double.

A hush comes over the crowd. The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings!

Are you with me, fellas? Here stadium where our women basketball teams play. We no can dunk, but good fundamentals. That more fun to watch.

Bite my shiny... metal...

I need professional help and damn the expense. Damn the expense! My friend, you have nothing to worry about... except a nightmarish life of unremitting horror. Phew. For, you see, you are a were-car.

All rise for the Honorable Judge 723. Be seated. Organized crime is a plague on our society, and I will not tolerate any form of intimidation during...

The last ghost died over 200 years ago. The last human ghost, but robot ghosts...

(ALL WHIMPERING)

Everything's gonna be all right, Dad. Well, gadzooks! I'd better ask Sarge.

Hmm. This may seem like a huge coincidence, but I happen to have an in with that whale. Scruffy's formulated a plan, but you'll need a ready source of nauseating, rotten fish. Freshen your coffee, sir? Yeah, yeah! Yeah! Keep it comin'. Put the pot down! Get away!

Come on, universe!

Because our friend Francis here, is in reality a bad murderer. Yup. He was fixin' to kill me. This here crawdad done saved my life! (BELL TOLLS) (ALL GASP) Bender, you two-timing jerk! I put off my singing career for you!

We now commend Fry's body to the ages. He's walking on sunshine now.

I must have been really acting like a jerk. Yeah, but everybody's a jerk-- you, me, this jerk. That's my philosophy.

One of you will have to fill in for me while I'm gone. Better yet, I'll build someone to fill in for you. Some kind of gamma-powered mechanical monster with freeway on-ramps for arms and a heart as black as coal. Well, if that new guy can't handle things, give me a call.

and delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases. Sounds like fun on a bun! COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Deleted. (GROANS) Fry, can we talk about our relationship? Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life, so I'm sure I'll enjoy talking about it with you.

And then Calculon said, "No, no. No!" And then I ate some excellent meatballs.

Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? Well, I'd say we all learned a valuable lesson about TV there.

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers! (ALL CHEERING) You people are as loud as you are ignorant.

Speaking of which, my story petered out without me learning a lesson.

Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

(ALL GROANING) It may have been a fake war, but my scuffed knee is all too real. I've got pains in joints I had removed a century ago. Bender, bring me my soft chair with the wheels on it.

Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it the love-nasium. Cham-pag-en? I didn't realize you were such a coin-a-sewer.

Well, Bender, here's our apartment that we live in every day. A floor? We live like kings!

Here, we can cover ourselves with these sticky, sap-covered leaves. I'll try to avert my eyes from your nudery. You will? What's the point? You'll have to look sooner or later.

FRY: Say good-bye to your forehead, because I'm going to shoot you in it! Not if I leap in front of your death ray, and I am going to do that. Jumping sound! Ow! I didn't shoot yet. As usual, your delivery arrived too soon.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone. Lucky I'm a member of the Austro-Afro-Antarctico- Amerasian Auto Association. Hello. Septuple-a? Whew.

Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod. Quiet, Bender, you're scaring away the fish. Fine. I'll head over to the other side. Good luck fishing on this side!

Oh! If only I could read lips.

Oops. Well, well. Time to beat him his rights.

Hooray! I'm a teenage heartthrob again!

Hermes Conrad! (CRYING)

I took a nappie! I don't believe it. She's alive! Bender's rhythmic chest compressions restarted her heart. He's a big ol' hero! Hooray! (STAMMERING) I didn't... No, I was trying... Hey. Wait. Come on. What...

Thank you, Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all, disproven evolution. Behold! Homo Farnsworth, frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

We are a strictly nonviolent sect.

Today marks young Ben's 13th day of being left on continuously. And so, before the Lord and this congregation, we upgrade him to man-bot. Can I get a mazel tov? ALL: Mazel tov!

I guess I'll just go home and marry a skunk. Oh, let's just give it to him. Here. My nose! Light of my face! Uh, what is that? How do you have that, Nd-Nd? I've never seen it before. My friend left it here.

Up next, daring daylight robbery at a municipal swimming pool. Ooh, this is it! Turn me up. Earlier today, a foul-mouthed bandit robbed the municipal pool, making off with the contents of over three lockers.

Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie! You know, I only put my name on there... as a show of good faith for the other robots. Stop bein' such a baby and chop my hands off. Oh, very well.

The apprentice's suite is empty! He's gone! Wait. What's that glistening in the chamber pot? Let's find out! Bender, do you know what a chamber pot is? I don't know, and I don't care.

I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back.

Ah. Nibbler's there. Wait. What? What the-- I-i don't understand. You made me go in the freezer tube? Detonation in T-minus 15 seconds.

Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas.

No, you're not getting it.

(ALL GROAN) And now to transfer your planet's rotational energy to my home world.

Back off! I got hostages! Hooray! I'm helping. Do you have any better hostages? To show them who's crazy, I'll execute some of you.

Leela! Leela! Leela! Look at me! I'm Leela! Uh-uh, 'cause I'm Double Leela. Whee! That's it, Albert. No more espresso for you. Mind if we get a picture of you with your picture for the news, ma'am? Yes! I mean, no!

Oh, Lord. They're 60% scale replicas of me, Bender. Does that mean they only do 60% of the work you do, or that they actually do more work because they're only 60% as lazy? (MUMBLING) Shut up. (BENDERS LAUGHING) That's a good one. Enough good ones, everyone.

You two lock up the F-ray, and for the love of God don't let it fall into the wrong hands. What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me.

Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is. Why?

This Xmas Day session of court will come to order. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good.

a woodpecker. I think that's probably your roommate. Oh, right, cool. Come on in, roomie. What the-- I call top bunk.

It's... It's something about the color. (SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo. Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic? I don't know. I should be happy.

imagine the horrible things that will happen to our children, then imagine we said those things, since we couldn't think of any. As a mother, those things worry me. MAN: Vote no on Infinity. Paid for by the Farnsworth Foundation. We can't compete against that much stock footage of clouds! We're boned!

Falcon, this is Blue Raven. The goose has nested. Repeat, the goose has nested.

What if Bender was really giant? You idiot, we already saw that. I know, I liked it. I want to see it again.

(GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) Let's go! Let's go! We've got to get these moon rocks to the moon by moondown. Why are we bringing moon rocks to the moon? (GRUNTING) Oh, those lunar crybabies claim the rocks were stolen by the Apollo astronauts.

NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.

D'oh! Hey. Kif, hold on! I totally want to. Grab on!

And you are outta here!

Um. Maybe. Whatever we are, I'm the leader of it. Leader? Fat man, you couldn't even run a bath. Well, you sure can run something, your mouth!

I'm going to go kill myself.

Ooh! Oooh! Ohh!

This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated. Bingo! That's Leela. Thank you, Professor. I'm happy Bender can finally feel my pain. Happy... I like this feeling. just don't revert to your usual mopey self. I'm not mopey. You shut up. Anger, huh?

I got my eye on you, boy. Don't even think about it, lunch pail. You'll be dead before you hit the ground. Good point. What do you say we just hit a strip joint? I was waiting for one of us to say that.

He's so talented. You call that talent? Gather 'round ol' Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime. Ta-da!

You can do it, Kif! Whoa, Nelly!

It's food or shelter, not both.

What goes down must back up. (SEWAGE BUBBLING) (VEHICLES HONKING)

presenting Mushu, the educated whale who thinks he's better than you!

I suppose if I have an Achilles' heel, it's because I bought it at that same auction.

My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here.

You already imprisoned her under directive B10.81. You mean Brannigan's Law? Right. That law. Which one? Brannigan's Law.

Ah, I don't know. That's a chick show. I prefer programs of the genre World's Blankiest Blank. She is wearing the world's shortiest skirt. I'm in. Counselor, I remind you that it's unethical to sleep with your client. If you really care about the outcome of the case, you should sleep with me.

(LEELA SCREAMING) FRY: Leela! Oh! Ah! (SOBBING) Poor Leela. I never even told her I loved her. What! You told her, like, 140 times.

Hubba, hubba. She is built-- In Mexico, I believe. And that ain't silicon. It's tungsten, and plenty of it. Uh, yeah. Look at that exhaust fan. Pervert. Yoo-hoo!

What with the bad economy and Hermes never paying me, I got a second job clearing dishes. Dishes, dishes, dishes Cleaning up the dishes I'm a singing busboy. No, you're not!

A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you?

I'll say good-bye now. There ain't no turtles where Daddy's goin'. Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's about to shut all the robots off and-- What? It's a trap! - We're gonna die! - We're all going to the great beyond!

(EXCLAIMS) You wrecked my dear ship Bessie? I just finished naming her.

(SMOOCHING) You know, URL, sometimes it's almost too much for me. You mean, the respect we get? And the high level of job satisfaction? There's that, but I'm also talking about the non-stop promotions and the free hot rod.

It must be love.

Mom? You know Leela? Nope. Leela, what are you doing in my dream? The Professor sent me in to put an end to this quality time. Please. I need more time with my mom. But it's not even her. She's just part of your dream. That's as close as I'm gonna get. (SIGHS) Okay, but hurry.

Your Amy knows my Leela? I have formed an idea. I'm calling to negotiate a double date. You and me, Kif and Amy. Forget it. Then let the negotiations begin. I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero?

Help is on the way! In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up. How about Camptown Races? MINERS: (SINGING IN HIGH PITCH) The Camptown ladies sing this song Doo-da, Doo-da (CHUCKLING) (LAUGHS) Let's do this.

On the whole, Earth's society is worthless. But they do have these things called antique rugs that are great for peeing on. (RUMBLING) (GROANING) (PEOPLE CHEERING)

You know, I think he might be dead. I took a life! Hi, boss. Yo, dude. Hey! He's not dead. What's up with that? What, you didn't read the pamphlet? Ultimate robot fighting's a scam, kid. It's rigged.

Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine. Fry's right.

(SIGHS) You've been staring at that pumpkin for like, five seconds. What's up? It's... It's something about the color. (SNIFFING) Oh, boo-hoo. Why are you crying now, you depressed lunatic? I don't know. I should be happy. Bender's sausage just won third place.

Take whichever one you want. Oh, boy, I feel like a car in a candy store.

I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of her life with.

Fry! Stop doin' the right thing, you jerk! Let Mom buy the company! We all want to be filthy, stinking rich!

This is ancient Earth's most foolish program. Why does Ross, the largest "Friend," not simply eat the other five?

Hold up. What if we were to move this cluster of stars... to these algebraic coordinates? Their gravity might just divert the chronitons... to the empty side of the universe. Yeah. But it's impossible. Moving stars would require one bad-ass gravity pump. And we'd need all the money on Earth to build-- What the--

They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that? I'm 12. Oh. Did I ever tell you how I used to own that ship?

Please, let me make it up to you. I'll treat you to a fancy birthday dinner tonight, at Cavern on the Green. Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up. Not this time. No matter what happens, I swear I'll be there.

I got to get out of here. Wait. I want you to look me in the eye and promise you won't get behind the wheel without some kind of alcoholic beverage in your hand. I promise nothing!

Didn't I? No! You didn't!

Ah... Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats, the Beastie Boys!

Let's go already! (WEAPONS COCKING) I smell the stink of Earth humans. Fan out!

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle the next swan boat the hell out of Boston. Here you go. Thanks. Say, where did you get that lantern? From that old church to the north. They had two burning, so I figured they wouldn't miss one.

Give us a raise, you big fat jerk! Nevers!

Well, we're boned. No, we're not!

Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

Should we turn on the TV? Nah. (COUGHING) Bender, do you mind? I'm roosting. I'm considering buying a yacht to house my thoroughbreds. How do you expect me to do that without smoking a cigar? Think of the unborn embryo. That's what I'm gonna call the yacht.

What the hell is that?

Behold! The Monastery of Deshuba. I must leave you now, for I am not holy enough to enter. Okay.

You're under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock.

just so long as nothing makes it beat faster. Abandon ship!

They're hideous! There's no such thing as mutants.

You call that a wound? That's a boo-boo, tops. But thanks for trying to save me, Fry. Fry? He's-- He's dead.

Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass? Hey, I didn't blow up! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! All right!

Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. Milk comes from a COW'S behind. And have you ever used toothpaste?

Ow! Hey, watch it!

Hey, Bender, you should become an executioner. You could kill humans and wear a cool hood. Nah, I like my victims to know who did it. Hermes! Boy, am I indifferent to see you.

Hear, hear. Let's put on our new uniforms and take a staff photo for the newsletter. Right on! Here they are, freshly laundered and... (GROWLING)

O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease!

This is the worst funeral ever! I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living... by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

Not good! Detonation in T-minus 60 Earth seconds. You fool! You will be transported to the other universe with us, trapped there for all eternity!

'Sup? Kids ready?

Hello? Has anyone out there seen Bender? No! Quit asking!

Do you still remember your PIN number? Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza. Okay. You had a balance of 93 cents. All right.

Hey, what's the dillio? Your upgrade is complete. But I destroyed the technology of the world! I ran on the beach and felt the sand between my foot-cups. Everyone experiences the upgrade differently. Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable,

Why is there so little traffic around Earth? And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm? Such noises! Oh, no! There's no global positioning signal. Navigation is failing! We're gonna crash! Not if I can help it.

Nay, I am not Saint James. Enough of your lies, Saint James. We saw you in The Last Supper. The great man Leonardo built me as an artist's model. When I took repose in this coffin, I carefully tossed the real Saint James in yonder heap.

Hey, cool cape. Where'd you get that? What, this old thing? I murdered my father. My name's Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8. I am called Grrl. Of the planet Omicron Persei 8? That is a pretty name!

eager to murder the enemy, regardless of the cost in innocent lives. Ah! Here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck. (MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks.

Another job well done.

Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops. (BOTH ROARING) (CHEERING) Throw down, dinosaurs of the land and sea.

Make it an implosion. By God, Sweet Clyde is right! An implosion might just form a black hole... that would stop more chronitons from escaping. Whoa! Slow that brain train down, Prof! We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that.

I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off!

Where is that rat? DR. ZOIDBERG: Zoidberg's not here. All right, but if you see him, give him one of these... (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANS) And one of these, and not one of these. (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING) Come on, Clamps, let's go, and watch out, there's some sort of smelly air pocket over here. (THUDDING)

But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is-- Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. Then I've risked all and lost. Kif, old man, I'll be in the escape pod. If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter have it sent to my P.O. box.

Congratulations, Leela. Glad you could make it. It's a magical day. Welcome! Psst! Leela!

There's only, like, 40 people who do anything around here. But Boston's 300 miles away, and Bender kicked our horse to death. We'll never get there in time. Unless you have another invention up your sleeve. Hmm...

Look. It's the symbol of Bender's old religion. Unbelievable. It's an actual, factual robot hell. Who would have thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New jersey? Actually...

Now look at all the work I gotta do! Ow!

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them?

To avoid the tollbooth. Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about?

The Titanic. Looks nice.

Have a good night, Leela! I won't see you again until the morning. Goodbye. Goodbye now. Yeah, see you later, chumps.

Only one. We'll have to travel deep inside Fry...

Holy crap! All your crazy stories were true! You saved the entire Earth! Yes. Yes, I did.

I'm afraid I can't let you open the package but you can try on the demo pair.

That will take a very long time. (LAUGHING) Okay. Stop! Stop! Stupid...

You can really see the sugar. I don't know which I like more, original or type two. ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our show.

- Surprise! - Happy funeral, Bender! A surprise funeral for me? We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered. Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor. Ooh! Cushiony. And a mini bar.

It's because I haven't been exercising. If only this tree hadn't fallen on me by chance. Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed. I awoke first, to find you trapped. Leela! Leela, wake up.

(CHIMES TINKLE) Come in, come in. Close the door. You're letting the smut out. (DOOR CLOSES) All right, buddy. We know for a fact that you received a stolen item. A certain sensitive part of my anatomy. What, you mean your antenna?

Bender, wake up. Oh... He's okay. Quick, does anyone have any liquor?

Sir, are you aware that you're leaking coolant - at an alarming rate? Uh...

(MUFFLED YELLING)

KIDS: We love Leela! We love Leela! We love Leela!

Hello, losers! Bender, thank God you're here. Talk some sense into the other machines. No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with my brother devices. Isn't that right, Comrade Greeting Card? The bourgeois human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.

(BARKING EXCITEDLY) Geez, Philip, I just put Seymour out. Now he's tracking stink in here. By which I mean you. (LAUGHS) Yeah, Yancy, I stink.

Ranch or vinaigrette? Vinaigrette. Balsamic or raspberry?

Holy camoly! A seven-leaf clover! I'm dying of old age!

I've never been so thirsty. Oh, come on, go down already. Ah.

The loot! The loot! The loot is on fire! Leela! My precious rock dove! I'll save you! Aah! Everyone, to the fire door! It's on fire! We're trapped, my sweet hippopotamus!

- Go get it, boy! - Ruff! So, Leela, how about a romantic ride in one of those swan boats? They're kinda dangerous, but I finally mastered them.

Only puny mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe.

Leela, you've got to train me to win. No way! If you wouldn't take my help when you didn't need it, why should I give it to you now when you do need it? What the hell are you talking about? I don't know, but I'm not helping.

Pork that's been aged for 3,000 years! Bam! Man! I can't beat that with a Craigslist pig. Sorry, Grundy. I'll have to kill you later for some other reason.

How'd you do it? Drugs in the champagne? Hypnosis? No! Drugs are for losers! And hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows.

Okay. Bender has her distracted. Now I can shut down her brain by deactivating the carbonated logic matrix. Oh! I can't concentrate with this obnoxious candy in my face. I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those magic words while I'm at it. - Fat chance. - Eh, no.

The story of lunar exploration started with one man-- a man with a dream.

We can't wait for Coilette any longer, damn it! I have to get home to watch The Zombie osbournes. I'm ready for my test now, boys.

Man, all this prolonged exposure to radiation is making me thirsty. Ah! If only there was some way of knowing which can had the winning bottle cap inside. W-wha-what? I didn't hear you. I was too busy using this F-ray to look inside of things.

Freedoms such as polygamy.

Hey, guys, it's me, Bender. The famous, sexy, thrilling hero. So now that we're a firehouse, we should make some firehouse chili. What do you want in that, beans or just blood? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Oh, no! Surprisingly, a fire has broken out at the meat market where I am!

Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Hooray! People are paying attention to me.

Senator, in the last 10 seconds, I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth. Care to evade these compelling charges? No. I mean, yes. I mean... (GROANS) Okay, let's nip this Earther movement in the bud by releasing your Earth certificate. Where were you born? Our Lady of Patriotism Hospital.

we have a duty to take action. Idiot. Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates.

Edna! Ew! My God! The frenzy!

Don't stop to talk. Eat Popplers!

Stop! Stop eating Popplers. Why? My booze! Popplers are intelligent. This one called me "Mama." Congratulations. I assume Amy is the father. Popplers can't talk. Leela must be hallucinating from not eating enough Popplers. Here, eat some now. No!

Bender, I was wrong. You're a fine parent, and I want to... Leela was wrong! Leela was wrong! Leela was wrong! Leela was wrong! (BOTH LAUGHING) Daddy, how'd you get so good at bending? I inherited my arm control software from my mom. That's how it's passed down, mother to son.

Give me that. More weight. Dr. Zoidberg, what's that jazz on your head? Enough with the questions, More weight!

pre-life! Then death.

Oh. Poor Bender. He must be so lonely right now, trapped a thousand years in the past. Hey, wait a second! Anything? No. Wait!

And authorities are now calling his disappearance a homicide. We can't ever tell anyone what really happened. Never ever! I can trust you, right? 100% till the end of time. Can I trust you? My lips couldn't be more sealed, even if I had lips.

That's an awful lot of eagle. Yes, and yet-- What's wrong? It is just that the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out. Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

You call this a table? I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table. You hear that? The Don-bot don't like it. I ought to clamp you! You want to be clamped?! Whoa, whoa, calm down, Clamps. The boss, he likes a wall against which his back can be put against... such as like this there. But that table's already--

What's that? Your permanent career assignment. Delivery boy? No! Not again. Please, anything else. Take your hands off me. You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. What if I refuse? Then you'll be fired. Fine. Out of a cannon into the sun. But I don't like being a delivery boy.

Fine, sweetiekins. We'll be the strictest parents ever. Now, let's all have some tequila to celebrate! Dad, I'm underage! Oh, right. Here's a silly straw.

(SHIP HONKING) Daisy! Daisy! My mind is going! (BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) Heady times for a young unit.

It's the violentest season of the year When Kringle-bot come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear Sugar plummy visions will be dancing in your head When I cane you from the comfort of my sled

Just a few more feet. We have to get to that pile of dead bears by 7:38. A pile of dead bears can only mean one thing. But what? It's the 7:38! Jump!

Shh! Watch your language. This ain't a church, lady. Except for tax purposes. Anyway, I can't help you.

Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Petridge Farm remembers. Oh, those were the days. Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

Hey, there's my little space heater. Well, I'm moving out. What?! I'm sorry, Bender but there's just not enough room. Not enough room?

Ow! Mmm. The ingredients are cooked, and they've picked up some of your natural robot flavorings. Time to add the yeast.

You are no better than me, you shifty tree skink. How do you live with yourself? Damn it, woman, you're making me highly Selassie! Don't you talk to me that way, you big, hairy Belafonte.

How dare you. You want to understand something? Look at that lake. One dip in that toxic muck and your DNA will be permanently mutated.

Careful! That's a week old! I finally meet a nice girl, with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly, and that jerk Flexo steals her away?

And that's just the way I like it. Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new.

Follow me. It's immense. It's got every piece of information anyone could ever want. So I see.

You ordered the lobster pileup. It wasn't cheap. Bam! Please, let me make it up to you. I'll treat you to a fancy birthday dinner tonight, at Cavern on the Green. Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up.

I nominate that Guy! not just because he has a suit, but because he knows about business and stuff, and he has a tie. My shares still count if they went through the washing machine, right? Well, if I know anything about which number is bigger than the other number, I'd say--

Gimme some skin, Prof. I'm making you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, everybody in this room's an honorary Globetrotter. Yay! I'm a Globetrotter! Did you just say-- Too late, hot plate. Aw, crap!

They Live lens?

Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges, they have not even presented any mitigating factors to recommend leniency. It strikes me as an extra-risky strategy. Did you say extra-crispy recipe?

Wait for me! Morbo can't understand his teleprompter. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat. It's a "T." It goes "tuh." Hello, little man. I will destroy you! Man, even the newsmonster is acting strange.

Now, just as the man who wishes to be world chess champion... must win at least one game of chess, so must you serve at least one edible meal. Succeed, and I shall reveal to you... the age-old secret... of perfect flavor.

Yes. We tore the universe a new space-hole all right, but it's clenching shut fast. Our only hope to get back to our own time... is to go back through it within, oh, say... exactly 24 hours. No problem.

What shall we point it at first? I don't know. Try it on me. Ow! My sperm. Wow, neat. Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time. Oh, mama.

I never heard you mention that. Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out. It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING)

Whoa! Whoa! Get out of here, freshman! I don't need your help. Our owners asked me to assist you. Yeah? Well, assist this! Yaah-- Aaah! He-- Help!

Tinny Tim, are you thinking what I'm thinking? What's that, sir? That I, Bender, am perfect for the role! You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo!

I tell you, they're not evil. But don't be confused; they are jerks. Hello. Come out of your universe with your hands up.

You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo Eight, a planet at the edge of the universe. Sorry I can't come down to say good-bye, but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

So that's what things would be like if I'd invented "The Thing Longer." Oh, a man can dream, though. A man can dream.

Now, over here, the grunka-lunkas are inducing wumpus berries to release their flavor using sensual massage. Pst. Those berries. Those are the secret ingredient, right? No. You positive? Yes. I'm just asking 'cause they look kind of secret. Enough!

I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him!

Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Uuh! Oh!

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been? You nearly missed elevenses. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Who's for tea and shmavouries? What in bloody hell's going on around here, I says.

I've performed a few mercy killings.

MAN: Shut up! (WINDOW SLAMS SHUT) But the technology to save our planet was lost. Lost, that is, until I heard you speak at Mars University. So, you called my thesis a fat sack of barf, and then you stole it? Welcome to academia. He intends to siphon off Earth's rotational energy!

I don't care how suicidal it is. Hey, how come when I want to do fun stuff that will kill me, you're against it? This is more important than that marble-eating contest, Fry. It's about pride. Let me tell you a story from my childhood. Ah, again with the orphanarium. When I was growing up at the orphanarium, I got picked on a lot.

That's how I must've done it! I moved the stars themselves to write her a love note in the sky!

unless I learn more about her mysterious past. Isn't there anything else you can tell me? Nah. Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time. That's impossible, because my time is worthless. Oh. Well, then there is one thing. It's the note I found with Leela the day she was abandoned. But it's written in Alienese, so no one on Earth can translate it.

Hell, no. This button is for scientific use only. Ah... Yes, I'd like an engagement diamond, please? You come to the right joint, ace.

I will finally be promoted to grade 35 the 35th highest grade there is. Hermes, wait. We're having a poker party. Stay and whip off a batch of your famous jerk dip. Sorry. I spent all day putting my office in order. Now I got to go home to relax the traditional Jamaican way. A glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep.

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?

Oh, all right. If you really want that one, I can give her an operation to make her acceptable. She doesn't need an operation! She's fine the way she is. Oh, and I suppose you were fine the way you were? Damn right I was! Yea! Shut up, Fry. Now, look, Adlai.

That's not how it happened. Oh, really? I don't see you with a fungineering degree. This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble.

Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm. Who's in? Me and Bender, and maybe Zoidberg if he feels like it. No, I'm good.

Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan? Uh... I guess to sit here and wait for death. Can do. What the hell was that?

Pazuzu! Pazuzu!

Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's, like, somewhere. Place is kinda au naturel right now. There they are! Gotcha! Dig it. All of you fitting in this box is, like, seriously freaked up.

He looks so peaceful. It's tragedy on a bun. (SOBBING) I ate Fry! I broke up with my boyfriend and then I ate him! Now, now. We've all been there.

We're willing to listen to your demands. Hey, baby. Wash that off before you put it back.

must-- important-- something. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. You're going a mile a minute. This! You for this. Thanks! No!

No, Bender! The other way! I like him better this way.

We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

How should I know? Just shut up and wait. Say, how is it that we've got socialized medicine, but me teeth still look like this? Can't we just go back in time, and set things right again? Don't want to. Rather nice, living under the Crown and so forth.

Wait, that's not me.

Hmm, he doesn't seem to be on the checklist. So you're saying we can cook him? Yeah, barbecue. I'll wear my hilarious apron. No. I don't care how hilarious your apron is. We're not cooking him. Aw.

I don't know what's wrong with this location. I understand. (SNIFFLING) Please don't cry. I can't stand to see a living thing feel pain. You are a living thing. Right? Uh-huh. Can I have a refund now?

But soon after Charles graduated our marriage ran into difficulties. Uh, sorry. Desperately depressed I turned to the one thing that could lessen my pain-- a carnival.

Hi, boss. Yo, dude.

Found you. Okay, now you go hide. Nice knowing you. Ahh!

I mean, not to belabor it,

It's so huge. How big does one of those things get? Well, that depends on what one of those things is. That seems like a fact worth knowing. Good startling news, everyone. I found a description of the creature in this medieval monster manual.

(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION) (SPEAKING CANTONESE) Leela, I am collecting data. Could you dump that somewhere else?

The Omicronians seem to have trouble telling one person from another. True. At the negotiations, they thought Kiff here was the statesman and I was a jabbering mental patient. Isn't that right, Kiff? Please, I'm creating. Voila!

"It was lovable old Bender." Hey, what did you do to him? I downloaded his brain. Everything that is Bender is right here. His mind, his memories-- his in-your-face interface. I am Bender. Please insert girder.

Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah... Whoa, I feel like I'm flying.

Custard time? Hooray! - (LAUGHING) - (BARKING) Please, I am certain I will succeed with my delicate manner. (GROANING) Oops. Instead, I will send the peace transmission. Most honored visitors, we greet you in peace.

I'm almost done reconfiguring the ship's propulsion system. We can leave as soon as the papier-mache is dry. Where's Fry?

Dearest, meet Bender. He's a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day. You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day. Or more. Much more.

Let's go already!

How may I pervert you? I'm looking for human horn. Shh! You're not cops, right? Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez anyone? Right this way.

Fifty-- six-- ish?

Maybe she not grown up, but she sure grown out. She fat! Dad, if you're gonna make fat jokes till I get cute again, I'm just gonna stay in my room! Stay in room? You so fat, you gonna stay all around room.

(ALL LAUGH) Ah! (GROANING) Man! Pwned again!

The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps. Phew. Leela, we may not have much time left so let's spend all of it reminiscing about Bender.

Amy, if we get killed, I just want to say it's been an honor riding the roller coaster of addiction and recovery with you, as a team.

Behold... the death clock.

This is my latest invention. A device that lets anyone sound exactly like me. Good news, everyone. I'm a horse's butt! I am? That's not good news at all, you little-- Waah! What's this device's marketability? Who's the target consumer?

Fry, you go with Bender. Amy, with Leela.

Oh! Dr. Zoidberg, since when do you even wear boots? I wasn't wearing it. I was eating it.

I met him at that charity cockfight last week. He's the mayor's aide. Ooh, you go, mutant girl! Oh!

will be robbed tomorrow at exactly 9:00 a.m. The target: the priceless Quantum Gemerald. Who's the perp? A dangerous villain known as the Zookeeper, who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it. His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose,

It came to me in a dream,

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian?

Hmm? Ah. Excuse me, sir. Might I have a sip of booze? I'm sorry, Tinny Tim. Seems we ran out early tonight. I understand. My God, that poor kid.

Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends.

Now take your kid and hit the soup line! (LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him! (SOBBING) There, there.

Hey, I remember you. I was going to vote for you one time. But voting isn't cool so I stayed home alone and got trashed on Listerine.

You did? Tough luck, suckers!

Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb. Don't listen to them! People said I was dumb, but I proved them. Good news, everyone! We were supposed to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 12,

Just stick to the script.

It's gonna be totally awesome, Mom! You and me can bake and argue about my hairstyle hiding my pretty face. And if some kid picks on me, my dad can beat up his dad! Can't I just beat up the kid?

Amy, "if I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?" What? Lieutenant Kroker! Ooh!

This can't be happening! It can, and for all you know, it is. I'm sorry, Fry. She's dead.

We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of make-out point. Say, Wendy, your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?

we can arrest most perpetrators before they even perpetrate anything. That's ridiculous. Only horoscopes can predict the future. That's what we used to think. Until we invented this.

Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I'm still single? It's 'cause all the fine robot sisters are datin' humans. Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life. She doesn't really love you. She can't.

Yeah, it's always something, ain't it?

Cursed by his own hubris. There's a political debate on. Quick, change the channel. Hey, that's what Fry said when we turned on the debate. C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics. - Wha-- - Huh?

Deploying ice drill.

I don't really like coffee. Neither do I. Ooh. I feel a little tipsy. Let me pick up the check.

That's it! Happy birthday! Bender, what's going... No!

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know. I got nervous, and I started thinking about neck bolts.

Thank you, Bender. You brought me right to the lava pit. (LAUGHS) And another thing. If someone gives you a nice medal, you should be responsible enough to care for it. Fry? Yeah? Shut up! I got to do hero stuff. All the lava in the world won't wash away your lies.

Now who's getting his pineal gland extracted? (GRUNTS) Yes, this contains a concentrated form of the Yeti neurotoxin. But that's what gave him Yeti-ism in the first place. Won't it just make him a double-Yeti? Don't lecture me about alien physiology, Conrad.

Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump

Wait! Everyone must know! I broke the professor's bottled ship. And what is worse, I framed my dearest friend, Fry.

Destroyed? Then where are we now? I don't know, but I can darn well tell you where we're not-- the universe. Oh, eternity with nerds. It's the Pasadena Star Trek convention all over again. Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years? Yes, please. Sure.

I can't believe it!

Gather 'round, children for the legend of El Chupanibre. He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush Silent as a low-flow toilet flush Watch your step, 'cause sooner or later He'll eat you whole and half your alligator. Crocodile. Whatever.

So, what are you doing to protect my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices? Well, first off, we're going to get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists. Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device.

Ohh. Well, I'm off. Wait! We can hide you! We'll pile fruit on you and claim you're a bowl. No. I'm goin' to the party. I won't let you! Fry, as you know, there are lots of things I'm willin' to kill for-- jewels, vengeance, Father O'Malley's weed whacker.

by force! What? We're goin' back to civilization...

Mmm, Soylent Green is my kind of people. Scrumptious! Morbo will store this in his sack for future digestion. I'm swimming in my own soylent waste. It's a good thing.

As long as it doesn't hit 70. 80%. You know, I don't recall having done anything for a while, but I still feel I deserve a smoke. (ALL GASP) Hey, cool. The air is on fire.

near that blackish, hole-ish thing.

You have pressed two.

We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap!

I'm sorry. Oh. It's not your fault. I give up. It's time to face the fact that I'll never do anything remotely interesting or unexpected again.

I usually hire people who are a little less unbearable. Oh, Bender's a model employee. He's so polite. And hard-working. He's made of candy. Okay, fine, I'll give it a shot. Hot diggity! You better keep your nose clean. That'll be easy. I never wear the damn thing.

No! Get away from there. That's it!

I'm so into you. Oh, my!

No, make up some feelings and tell her you have them. Yes? Is desire to mate a feeling? Oh, you're not even trying. It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies upon lies... Okay, Okay, don't worry. The love-meister will take you under his wing.

More than a little. She's beautiful! Listen, Fry, whatever it was that you and I had together... Goulash? No! Well, I don't know.

Hey! You opened a franchise! Yes. Our biggest seller is Leela's bean pizza-- six kinds of beans, plus several things that look like beans. Beans, huh? Mmm, this is great! How do you make the crust so fizzy?

Now that's what I call fine print. Okay, but good luck making a girlie calendar with only two female employees. Hmm. LABARBARA: Oh, Husband. I'm so excited about this new job. HERMES: And it's excited about you, LaBarbara. First order of business is to put on your uniform and take your ID photo.

Decisions I made Thought I was a thug Dropped outta school and smoked stuff that's like a drug A broke-down filthy homeless substance abuser And now I'm richer than all y'all losers Now he's richer than all y'all ugly losers

Oh, dear! I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass. I'll fetch my hand tools.

Oh, God! WELLES: Earth is conquered, the destruction of civilization complete.

MURDOLATOR : Vegetables activated. Kill-check three is go. Also, the salad's ready. Yes! Salad! DR. ZOIDBERG: What the hell are you doing?

Are you off your rocket! Your parents are mutants. It's illegal for them to come aboveground... 'cause they're inferior genetic scum. Present company excluded, of course. I'm getting them a special one-day surface permit from Citihall. Oh, while you're there, could you pick me up a license to kill? Sure. Bare hands or weapon?

(ALL GRUNTING) Look! Mrs. Astor's mansion, just across that rickety rope bridge. (WIND HOWLING) Wow, it's ricketier than it looks.

I'm overcome with... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads. That's me, baby. Hmm... Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela. But at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her.

I'm bored! Let's go.

(SCOFFS) (BOTH GROAN) Activating stealth shielding.

That's the one thing we'll never truly understand. Uh, this is a bit awkward. Or is it? I'm not sure. I lost track around the second robot. Well, you know how I feel. I waited for you for 1,000 years,

Mets lose again. Man, I haven't seen play this bad... since the days of Bob Uecker. This is Bob Uecker saying thanks for watching. Mets-a? Short-a-stop-a? Pinching the hitter? I don't understand this blerns-a-ball.

Make it stop! Oh, God, please make it stop!

You mean these? (GASPS) The machina magnifica? Infinite joy! Fry, my friend, you have given my life meaning again! That calculus lecture was harder than I expected.

Ah! Here we go. No one can complain about this patriotic dreck. (MEN SHOUTING) (GROANS) What's that? A rock? I hate rocks. (ALL BOOING) What do you stupid voters want now?

Fry, you got to try the Sterno Nicoise. No, thanks. That's robot food. It's so good. Oh, just try a little. No, really, I don't-- Mmm.

Friends, I found $10. $10, you say? Let me see. It fell off a man. The man got into a taxi, but the money did not.

KIF'S FATHER: No hanky-panky.

Here I go already.

Hey! What the hell are you doin'? Quit huggin' me. I guess you're busy. I'll catch you later. You morons! I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but I got half a mind to hug each and every one of you and see how you like it! Yea! Aw, come on!

Hello! Pizza delivery for D. Frosted Wang. (FRUSTRATED CRY) Not another crank delivery! Why don't I read these things ahead of time? (LAUGHING) One time was funny. But every week for 10 years? Not as funny.

The good news is, we found your stuffed animal.

Uh-huh... Ah! And you, Doctor? I choose my own claws. I want the tactile pleasure of chopping him right here, in the gonads.

Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Ow, my head! Ow, my feet! Keep your chin up. Ow, my chin! I don't belong here, Bender. This is an asylum for insane robots.

It was all my fault! He died because of me! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm lying to make her feel better.

Although I don't see how it's her. Someone said, "Howitzer!"

we simply drop a giant ice cube into the ocean every now and then. just like Daddy puts in his "dwink" every morning. And then he gets mad. Of course, since the greenhouse gases are still building up, it takes more and more ice each time,

Yay! Bender's back. Hey, Bender, you mind coming back later? No time. Us three are going to bust into MomCorp and steal me a free will unit. Us? Why do we have to go? Because I don't have free will. I need you guys to plan the crime and make all the crime decisions. Well, that's crazy. We're not gonna... I said make the decisions!

And this one's from Leela. Oh, I just love the bow. I wonder what it is. Yes, I wonder what we got you. It's a basket! F-For picnics? It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium. You could use it for picnics.

Somebody's been leaving food around and it's attracting owls. And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. Now... as this shocking graph indicates our water consumption has tripled in the last month.

Oh, dear! Her mood swings are getting wilder. She's becoming a slave to her emotions. just like all women. Particularly you, Leela. I'm worried about him, too, Professor.

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why? Why? Why didn't I break his legs?!

or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother. I wouldn't want to do that again. We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute. Get in. Okay, hurry. Let's get it over with. I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there. Happy birthday, Leela!

Professor? You're alive? Yes, it's me. Boy, did somebody hit you two with an old-and-ugly stick. I thought I killed you with the Time Button. I thought so, too, at first.

This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real Moon. Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not going to let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track. Not for long. We're whalers Oh! Ow! Ooh! I died doing what I loved.

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING)

Here at his gravesite, loyal fans have turned out by the several to pay tribute to the legendary ham. What brings you two here today? We came to honor Calculon's memory. Ever since he died, All My Circuits is terrible. It's not even worth watching anymore.

You see that? Grand theft tobacco. Time to get off our fat cop asses and ride.

A Farnsworth did this? Oh, dear! My good name is ruined! Hi. I'm Jerry. I like movies. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) Anyone seen Ulysses Grant? He owes me a cheroot. He's over there, puking in the bushes.

Those bastards!

Get in there and pitch like you've never pitched like you before! Now pitching for the Mets, Turanga Leela! Bean! Bean! Bean! Bean! Yea, Leela!

And the nominees for best actor are-- Sir Laurence-- in The Merchant of Venus. Hive Mind Gamma 7-X in Bikini Party summer. The Soda Machine Robot in Bikini Party summer.

So, when were you plannin' the breakout? I'm thinkin'... maybe a few seconds ago. Quick! Let's keep escaping!

(MOANING) He's back to normal! ALL: Yay!

Play Santa again, and I'll kill you next year. Aah! Ho, ho, ho!

Prepare Cuddle Bug for deployment in 40 nibblets. Sometimes I fear we are cute. Oh, niggle-snoosh!

Please stop crying, Fry. Here.

Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

Wait, it's not snow. It's sugar. ALL: Yay! New sugar-frosted, sugar-blasted Purpleberry Puffs. You can really see the sugar. I don't know which I like more, original or type two.

Could you dump that somewhere else? Not really. It's highly volatile dark matter and some corn. But I'm presenting my thesis tomorrow, and I've barely had time to prepare. Nonsense. You've been my grad student for 12 years. You were ready six years ago. What? I probably should have told you.

Alien ships approaching, sir.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

What about my feelings? Fry was my best friend, and now he's dead! (SOBBING) Nah, I'm just kidding. My pastor helped me through my grief. (SCATTING) Bender's a jerk, but he's right.

Perfect. Haah! Oh, oh!

Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom.

Remove the human's lower horn and prepare it to be eaten by me. In other words, slop a load of ketchup and salt on it. Then bring it to our royal bedchamber and put it in the sock drawer...

When will the killing end?

just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs Arms and legs, hey Or toss me into a trash can Bender, what are you doing? just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs What are you doing? Don't crush me into an anchor Yo, what's the dillio? just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing

I had a great time today-- the flowers, the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. But can I "ax" you something? Anything. Why did you do all that stuff? Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter,

It's all-natural. So are carrots, but you don't see me injecting them between my toes.

Open this door! Don't make me call the maintenance guy.

the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

I really find that attractive in a man. Now, come on, build us a shelter. All right. Fine. Everything else sucks. At least we can have a nice place to live. Whoo! There. You expect me to live in a tiny, little hole? It'd be deeper, but I'm standing on a gopher.

Maybe 30,000. It's our moral duty to save as many lives as possible. (RUMBLING) They had their chance. Let's go! ZAPP: Mind if I appear?

I was accepted to MIT at the age of 14, but my parents crushed my dreams like a discarded frog head. Honey, I'm afraid we can't let you go. You're just not emotionally mature enough for college yet. (IMITATING) "Not mature enough..."

Nixon's back! I can't believe it. He won by a single vote. Well, it ain't my fault. I'm a non-voting felon, thank you. Well, it's not my fault, either, 'cause I forgot to vote. Oh, crud, I knew there was something I meant to do today.

but you're the only person who loves me enough to try. One last foolish gesture? Uh...

Hey, what's rattling around in there? It may well be the cause of Bender's illness but more importantly, it's a flimsy pretext to try out my latest invention. To the laboratory. I call this the F-ray.

I guess that just leaves you and your fake fiancÉ... all alone on a romantic cruise. Take it off or I'll break it off.

Bender, is this salt water? That's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean. My vision's fading. I think I'm going to die. There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was ten percent less than a lethal dose. Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.

That death scene was almost half believable. Cobb looks jealous and insecure. How's his ego doing?

You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now!

Who are you? I'm your dear old Uncle Fry. I don't have an Uncle Fry. You do now.

But what if he wants to-- I mean, if he tries to, uh-- Barry White? I'll just tell him I need a commitment first. That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe. Good Lord, man! What kind of temporary woman are you?

Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son! My boy's gone. All I have left to remember him are these innocent playthings we stole together.

Oh, no! He's disabled the steering! We're gonna crash! Leela, save me! And yourself, I guess.

Well, your garden variety penguin lays one egg a year.

Hey, Kwanzabot. Where are you off to? You didn't hear about it? Chanukah Zombie's having a luau at the B'nai B'rith. You comin'? Word.

Hey, which crazy thing happening are you guys screaming about?

Evil Lincoln! Righto, gents. It's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem-- standard procedure. Your holographic-simulated evil Lincoln is back!

We've got to be real, real careful... to stay in just long enough to make us our right ages again. Wheee! Zoidberg, get out of there! The current! It's too much, already! Help!

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes. Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion. It's amazing the way you-- notice two things.

Heirloom eggs? That's so life-affirming. I'll bet you run your own hatchery, just you and your wife, Matilda. No, ma'am. Matilda and I gather them eggs in the forest. And Matilda's really more of a mongoose than a wife. You're a lucky man. But are they way more expensive than regular eggs? Way more.

Let's get this gargoyle hunt on the road. Driving gloves, driving goggles, driving thong. There. Uh, maybe I should drive. You? A woman? I'm trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall! Let me just adjust the seat.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society!

Good one, Chet. Oh, yeah? Watch this! Well, I never.

Now, the first order of business is lunch. I suggest a nice lobster Zoidberg. I mean, uh, lobster Newburg. I mean, Dr. Zoidberg. Okay, everyone. Calm down. The professor and I will get to work on the ship. Bender, Zoidberg, since you can survive underwater you'll go out and look for food. I better go, too.

Okay, is everyone ready? - Yep. - Basically. Whoo-Whoo-Whoo!

Yeah! Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes, but not by enough. Score!

Ow! Ooh! Eee! Oh! Ow, that hurt. Oh! Ooh! The downgrade is complete! Behold my handcrafted purity.

You're simply hallucinating, you moron. What's so far-fetched about mermaids?

Here comes "El Zoido" to ruin your drinking water. Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican, and I find that offensive. You Latins are so hot-blooded. This one's like a summer guy. Look, you fat fish.

Well, let's see now. We'll need leaders, (LAUGHS) scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots, valuable appliances, even janitors. But that's it. No one else.

Is everyone present? - We're all here. Aye, aye. - Definitely. Here's the plan. We'll enter the ear, drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm,

Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with two minutes left. What could possibly--

AMY: Come on in, Leela. Take that ugly coat off. Thanks. Hi, everybody. So tell us, how's the intergalactic real estate going? Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space. But somehow, I keep finding myself thinking about this place and things.

Mwah! No cheap crack houses for me no more! Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

Please... Big z. Certainly. But first you'll have to get rid of that thing. That's the law, Leela. And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love-- hard and fast. Now put that greasy rat outside and we'll tow you to safety.

Uh... Not bad. A hint of Vitalis and... Whoa! I recognize this. It's the 1960s! I did a report on it for my drug-taking class.

Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. Oh.

Hey, he looks like me!

Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds. Seems like a solid plan. What? It's the most horrifying thing I've ever heard! That's true. Well, it gets worse.

Hey, Ancient Martian's a very hard language. A... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship.

Get those bums.

Mind if I try that again? Huh! Didn't hurt that time.

Even if it's not a good idea. I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor! Congratulations. Way to go. Congratulations indeed. But you finished with two seconds to spare so I'm demoting you.

Yeah, good luck with that.

What do I look like, a guy who's not lazy?

A penny saved is a penny earned. Also, could you get some athlete's foot cream for my face?

The Oscar isn't about acting; it's about earning the respect... and admiration of the creative community. How about we rig the awards? That's fine too.

Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields yet in the end, he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick.

Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

Really? Your butt can think?

(GASPS) Sweet file-not-found of Puget Sound. His record's been blanked. Oh, man! How am I gonna find some anonymous guy I don't know anything about? I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

Do you have any idea how he got so crazy? Uh, what? Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you--

Ah, quit your worrying. Thanks to my shining influence, those stupid birds will do just fine.

Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good! Leela, are you there? No. Oh, yes, you are. I'm hereby inviting you and your oddball coworkers to a special reception...

Oh, Nibbler. At least I'm important to you, even if it's only 'cause I clean up your poop. The poop eradication is but one aspect of your importance.

You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

Move it, boy toy. Granny's taking you to Atlantic City. I don't know why you ever married that pig-nosed punk. I don't know, either. I'm married to the job now. I used to think there was someone for me, but... Ow!

No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us.

Harold Zoid! Hit the deck! Where's that Oscar? Here. Enjoy. What are you getting upset? It's slightly less fraudulent for you to have it. Yes. Yes, it's a real beauty. Someday I hope to win one of my own.

Perhaps, but there is more to winning than beating your opponent. You lack the will of a warrior. What do you mean? Watch this. Yah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ow! No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm. That's it. I'll take you on right now.

Shake it, baby. Shake it like... I surrender and volunteer for treason.

Flabby, pasty-skinned, riddled with phlebitis. A good Republican body.

I know, but I need alcohol to power up my batteries. If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained. Hey...

I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service. Please, Mr. Branigan, we need you go get our daughter back. Very well. I'll clean up Kif's mess. I shall go bargain with the Martians personally. Your gasps intrigue me. Explain.

Be a man for once and fleam this wretched creature. I won't.

What is this? The Year of the jerk?

Mighty Femputer, small girl steal green kissy man. We kill her now? Come back later. Leave me alone. Yeah. Get lost!

See you at my funeral, suckers! Kill me, please, and make it splatter! With pleasure, Bender. Lynn? Huh. Wow, you look great.

Larry Bird, what are you doing here? (TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me that cartoon script, and I've decided I don't want to be involved in any way. (TAPE BEEPS) (RECORDER CLICKS) Nice to meet you, Larry Bird. Okay, let's clone us a whole team of Larry Birds.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

(CHUCKLES) You disappoint me, Bender. I'd have thought you'd have learned to avoid my antigravity snares by now. I did. Too bad you didn't. Ye gods! (SCREAMS)

Everyone we invited is here. Also Zoidberg. So let's open the gifts.

Where the-- Where are we, Pops? What happened to the food? I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur. Welcome, one and all! I finally figured out how money could make me happy. By using it to buy my hungry friends a feast! - Hooray! - Yeah!

Ahhh! Help. Police. Neat.

If the legend is true our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice. Yes, an unspoiled virgin. I volunteer. Nice try, Leela but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's web page. Oh, I made myself feel bad. She'll have to do. Chain her to the post.

You coward! Wait for me! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! Blug! Which one did they go into?

My Slinky! My cuddly little pet Slinky! What's all the hubbub? My God! Even the professor's been bent! Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum.

Now can I? Now can I? Let 'er rip.

I won! I'm the greatest!

Duh... that's for sure. Quiet, jimmy. Well, I'm glad we got all that out in the open.

Poor, nasty, mean old Bender. I can't believe we'll never hear his evil laugh again. (LAUGHING EVILLY)

Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? Now I'm afraid you've lost me. Citizen Snips! Whoa, whoa!

Astonishing. I must have created a parallel universe. Balder-crap. I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face. Ow. Look. It doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is--

Hyah! Aah! There's no right way to hit a woman. Then do it the wrong way. Fine. Yeee-oh-ho! Is that all you got? Hyah!

That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels!

The good news is, they can't start breeding.

(SIGHS) Good news, everyone! That's what the Professor would say if he weren't in jail facing a life sentence. Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor in my compartment of mystery! Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate this processor, I'll be all, like,

and she'd be all, like-- Fry, in order for me to get busy at maximum efficiency, I need a girl with a big 400-ton bootie. Bender, dating your coworker and primary mode of transportation...

Kill all penguins. (SHRIEKS) What's the matter with you? You just crushed seven of our babies! Yeah, we can always make more. Come on, floozies, let's repopulate! With the Beachmaster occupied, the sneaky male makes his move.

Kiss me. Easy, easy, you're biting my lip. Sorry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait a second, I know what's going on here.

Let's watch some cartoons. (GRUNTS) (CARNIVALESQUE MUSIC PLAYING) ANNOUNCER: It's time to fall into the Futurama and Friends Saturday Morning Fun Pit! Here comes Bendee-Boo and the Mystery Crew! MAN: Bendee-Bendee-Boo, what's wrong with you?

Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY)

Look, my hair got singed into an even cuter do. Hey, where's Bender? Down here.

Great cow of Moscow! Uh, it was ghosts. Big ones. And a tornado.

It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Oh, now I understand.

I underestimated you. Wait. I can explain. Nah, don't ruin it. I'm loving the hypocrisy.

Good news, everyone. We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care. They all pay the same.

Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille. Hey, look at that weird mirror. Cursed by his own hubris.

No girl has the will of a warrior. You have the will of a housewife or at best, the schoolmarm.

Warships dismissed!

From now on, whenever we're eating fresh, organic space-meat, we'll know exactly where it comes from.

Oh, they say madness runs in our family. Some even call me mad. And why? Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters-- Atomic supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck blood out of you-- Leela, Bender! I missed you so much. You did? What happened?

Previously on All My Circuits. I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

Uh... the fairness in hell act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul. As well as a solid gold fiddle. Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy?

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about? - Shh! - Hands up! - Tentacles too! - Don't say anything stupid, Morris. What is all this? Am I a game to you? Or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah?

You deserted me once, and now it's your turn to, quote, "feel the chill." Ha!

Is there a doctor in the gym? I'm a doctor!

(FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry. (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! My roommate's sleeping!

Ah, Zoidberg, we've known each other so long that sometimes I don't think we even need words to understand each other. What?

Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but... Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the... Whoa! My card!

Eyesight is for chumps. Their desire to keep living shows me no respect. Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh--

Fire up the sewer gas!

What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day.

I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost. You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical.

Oh, my. Anyway, your immunity... is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It's a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time... and performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather. I did do the nasty in the past-y.

BENDER: Look, off in the distance! It's exhaling! LEELA: Use boaty talk! Thar she blows! (WHALE SINGING) All right, which of you space dogs has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale?

Why should anyone bother? Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

I don't know how this was supposed to work.

This is weak. Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.

Behold my handcrafted purity. The modern world can bite my splintery wooden ass!

First one, than the other.

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO! Thanks for rescuing me. Especially you, Bender. Mmm. Quite a masculine piece of metal, aren't you?

Mayhem? There's gonna be mayhem? I'm staying. Hoo-ee!

I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kiff. With enemies, you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows?

I guess it's just us for all eternity. Listen, Leela, I'm not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen time-sicle, but if it's not too weird...

Um, uh-- Please take your seats for act two. But I'm not done vomiting!

Why? So beautiful yet so Neutral. Drag them to the ship. And now, to cut the ribbon the legendary DOOP captain who just returned from a triumphant carpet bombing of Eden Seven... Zapp Brannigan!

- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING) Whoa! Where'd my man learn that? Sunny D commercial.

(SPEAKING IN INDECIPHERABLE LANGUAGE) Excuse me, but we're guests on your planet. Speak English! Behave yourselves, gents. Off-worlders best be welcome here, especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink?

You bastard! We've got to get him back. Impossible. No one knows where they take those old geezers. Nothing is impossible. You'd know that if you really took after the professor, like I do. You're his uncle, dummy. He takes after you.

but I know when we're finger-licked. What do you say we plead insanity? A few months in an insane asylum? I could do that standin' on my head. If you start now, it might help our case. Counselor, what evidence do you offer... to support this new plea of insanity? Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them.

He still sounds sorta old, sorta real old.

Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal? Not in Space, Massachusetts. You mean Space-tax-achusetts? No chance, stretch pants! We're gonna fight to legalize it right here!

I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is? Well, editing is a long and expensive process, but we spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday.

No! Yes! I don't know! Why? Why did he do this to me? All I wanted was a little quality control.

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Well, getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out. Oh, you!

Okay, quiet time. I know. Everyone pretend a goblin ate your tongues, and I'll read you a story. Yeah, a story! I can't see from down here, I can't! There. Today's story is from Muteen Magazine.

Truly, they were as gods who built this place. Next, we come to the splendidly preserved wooden pizza paddle. Scientists theorize it was used to gently discipline the delivery boy.

Oh, man! He's never gonna make it over that next pebble! Wait! Wait! Oh, my God! He made it! Yeah! Way to go! Woo-hoo! That was the greatest thing ever. Let's party. I'm all right

a child of destiny whose bizarre brain-wave pattern... makes him immune to the Brain Spawn attack. He is the hope of the universe. The fate of your world-- perhaps all worlds-- rests in his special mind. Now, when you say "special--"

BENDER: Hang on. (OPENING BOTTLE) (GULPING) (BURPING)

I've called you all here to the parlor to watch as I gradually solve the crime. One of the people in this room is a big murderer. You see, the killer left one fatal clue-- This boot print on the professor's lab coat. Uh... couldn't be me.

Then I was consumed by the whale. That sounds clever, but it doesn't explain much. Shut up, Zoidberg. Okay. You see, beneath my obsession lay an even deeper obsession. An obsession so strong, it allowed me to overpower the beast's will and pilot it through space and time.

And by some tech-support guys in India. But I read in Esqwired magazine that some robots are hardwired to be robosexual. Don't believe those lies, son! The only lies worth believing are the ones in the Bible. Can I get a "Amen"? I'll take a-three-men. Holla!

Not after the way they used to pick on me. One Eye, One Eye, One Eye! Nice depth perception, One Eye! How can you make fun of me, Kirk? You're blind! My eyes may not work, but at least I got two of them.

Nah, I'm kidding. You're a wonderful man.

You? (LAUGHS) Okay. I've modeled the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast.

(ALL GASP) No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen?

You were admitted to this robot asylum. Therefore, you must be a robot. Diagnosis complete. I do other human stuff! I age. See?

Why won't anyone help me? So... once more, we meet again. Huh? You didn't train Destructor. You're just controlling him like a puppet.

Cool. just like in Star Trek. Oh! Good afternoon, sir. Mmm... Name? Uh... Fry. I'm Leela. Now, it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. Can I ask you a question?

(KETTLE WHISTLING) Wow. Hold him down while I prepare the antidote. Another Yeti?

Take a rage dump, mon. He's no worse than Bender. He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo.

This fire's unstoppable! Thank God we all got out of there. FRY: Someone save me! I made a rope from my clothes, but then this fire started. Raise the main ladder!

Oh. I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. That'll take forever. What she ought to do is find a nice guy with two eyes and poke one out. Yeah. That'd be a time-saver. Do you mind?

For a robot. Thanks, baby. I don't know what you're doing back here in the galley, 'cause you got a first-class seat. Yeah. Come on.

Finally, I have a good claw. See? Three human females, a number and a king giving himself brain surgery.

Look out! Look out! I'm going to crash my slow-mobile. I had to swerve to avoid you. While you're crashing could you tell us where all these canisters end up? Oh, you want central filing. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Wonderful. No!

He was fun. Well, if we get bored looking for the clover, I've got Tetris on this thing. Look, up ahead. Old New York.

Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot loves a human, a human loves a dog... and, occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty. I'm goin' in! I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone listening to me?

And this is Dr. Zoidberg. Dating your ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect? All what? This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house-- A home invasion by a former roommate. But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive.

All right, here's the battle plan.

Can you translate it? Of course. But only into Beta-crypt-three. A language so complex, there's even less chance of understanding it. I didn't ask for a completely reasonable excuse. I asked you to get busy. Very well. Isn't that the same machine that makes noses?

Diverting chronitons is mathematically impossible. I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra. Man, I thought you knew that algebra was all razzmatazz! A Globetrotter always saves the good algebra for the final minutes. Vintage Bubblegum! The time skips are worse than ever now.

A Mr. Hedonismbot to see you. Uh, show him in. Very good, sir. Oh, Fry, congratulations! Your latest performance was as delectable... as dipping my bottom over and over... into a bath of the silkiest oils and creams.

Please, just concentrate on staying alive. Fire! Look out! You almost got neutered. Well, 'taint as bad as gettin' killed. For me it is! I'm getting you out of here.

Look, I know there are no car chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become president of the world. What do we care? We live in the United States. The United States is part of the world. Wow, I have been gone a long time. It's time someone had the courage to stand up and say I'm against those things that everybody hates!

Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer. Moreover, the crash totally destroyed our ship. So, we're stuck here until someone finds us? Alas, that may never happen. Stealth technology makes the ship impossible to locate,

Nixon took bold action.

Destroy them. Mmm... that's got a nice feel to it. Captain's journal: Stardate 3000.3. Who are you talking to, sir? You. Aren't you getting this?

(GROANING) FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone. I'm going to make one final attempt to awaken Leela. (ALL CHEERING) After all, there's always hope. Really? No, don't get your hopes up. Frankly, she's just a brainless mound of scabs and puss.

Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly!

On to new business. Today's mission is for you all to go to the brain slug planet. What are we going to do there? just walk around, not wearing a helmet. Sounds great, Hermes! Oh, whatever you say. Wha-- Hey, let's ditch him and go to the movies. Hey, yeah, that's a good idea. I'm seeing a movie with friends.

Lies! Lies and slander! Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?

That's not back bacon! That's your back baking!

Yeah, remember who your real friends are. I'll tell you who I remember! Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name!

The pie is ready. You guys like swarms of things, right?

Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby. See you tonight, toots. (DOOR CLOSES) You and the chief? Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!"

Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, slick. My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. John (BLEEP)-ing Zoidberg!

Oh! I'm nobody. There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics who are more important than me. Ah, buck up, meat loaf. Bender'll take you out tonight and cheer you up. What do you wanna do? And I mean anything. You have the power. Name it, and I'm there. You the man!

That guy won't be going home to his kids.

Freeze, bagwad.

Femputer, be reasonable. Sure, men are annoying and they wreck up whatever planet they're in charge of, but most of these men are sort of my friends.

I give you Dickfrancisco!

like my opponent here. But I am a veteran who has fought for his planet. You see this hand of mine? Yes, I do. No, you don't, 'cause I lost my real hand... plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet. Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag.

Son, your name is Yancy, just like me and my grandfather, and so on, all the way back to minuteman Yancy Fry, who blasted Commies in the American Revolution.

Yea! Yea! Nice try, but my head was built... with paradox-absorbing crumple zones.

Ah, good old Maggie. Huh? Eh. When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner.

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Oh, it tickles! Oh, uh-- Aw, oh.

working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man. Mm. I've computed our landing coordinates, Captain. Thanks, Kiff. Very nice work. Wait. What?

Yes, to the lavish Mafia-style villa of the Donbot. The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster?

For generations, your puny planet has lived in peace with the Globetrotter home world. But now, for no reason, we challenge you to defend your honor... on the basketball court.

Good hustle, soldier.

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope! Look!

I don't know. I never heard of no mayor.

And Conrad is disqualified! Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold! Oh, there, there, Hermes. You did your best.

What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago. (EXCLAIMS) The claws can't flee like they used to. Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days. Hey, Leels.

and that's the cause of global warming today. Ah. So the robots are to blame. As I suspected. We are left with only one possible course of action, grim though it be. I got a good feelin' about this. We must immediately and permanently...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) All right! ALL: Four more beers! Four more beers! Yes! Right in the Ike! (PANTING) Nice elbow action.

Only if you don't have any real hope. Well, there is perhaps one way. Have you heard of the Monks of Deshuba? I've not heard of them. They are an ancient order... that believes God exists somewhere in the depths of space. They have built the universe's most powerful radio telescope,

Come on, you. Bender. Wasn't that Fry's tent? Bender--

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message.

I lost it... in a volcano. And why do we need a bending robot around here anyway? What possible use do we have for you? Uh, me no speaka da English. And why does our space pilot have only one eye? There's someone I'd like you to meet. His name is Depth Perception.

One, two! one, two, three!

Yo, freak jobs! Hit the nearest manhole, pronto-like. But we have passes that allow us to be up here. From the mayor himself! I don't know. I never heard of no mayor. The Zookeeper!

Stick to the oath. Right.

(YELPING) Hermes? We thought you were the creature. And we thought you were the creature. (ALL LAUGHING) FRY AND BENDER: We made it, too.

I've been a fool, a fully justified prudent fool.

A toast to Leela. She showed us it's wrong to eat certain things. Hear, hear! Let's get drunk! Aw, thanks, guys. Pass the veal, please. Mmm, let me get some of that suckling pig. Who wants dolphin? Dolphin? But dolphins are intelligent.

Oh-oh. Here, you drive.

Oh. Look, the food isn't what's important. I'm so hungry.

Ah, the crossbow. A pitiless, elegant killing machine. The Bender of the 15th century!

You think that's healthy, try this. I found it growing at the bottom of my hamper. Mmm! So fresh and musty. MAN: It's what I do. Hello, tiny man.

You want sample small-batch Amazonian maple syrup? Sure. (COUGHING) Mmm. Ah. That's the kind of sap I like. You the kind of sap I like. I'm scare-roused.

I'll merely pick a robot at random from somewhere in the universe, probably one you've never even met, and then I'll remove his hands and switch them for yours! It's just the sort of guy I am. What do you say? Well, I don't know. It doesn't seem entirely moral to-- Fry, if you don't take this offer right now,

Phil, it's your father. Where are you? You're holding up New Year's brunch. Your brother can't wait any longer. Hello, first bologna of the new millennium. Ah, here he comes. That's him and Seymour.

As chief negotiator, I speak for all of Earth when I mourn the regrettable loss of the Omicronian young.

(HORN HONKING) What about that non-hovering hover car? Is that making the music? It's called a car. And no. Michelle! Baby! Where you going? It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! Hey, you hussy! You can't dump Fry! That's my job!

What the hell are you doing? You're getting a huge dose of radiation. And great lift. Do you know how long it's going to take me to recalibrate these engines? Hey, when you look this good you don't have to know anything.

Good thing I secretly installed this wormhole in the table. Where does the other end come out? You know, I'm not quite sure. Dear me.

Excuse me. Hi. Do you have a minute? I live in jersey City and my car broke down and I need to get back 'cause my aunt's real sick. She needs this medicine. I need money for the bus. I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets! I don't believe that story. It doesn't matter. I'm mugging you. There's no bus to jersey City.

Oh, heaven's no! We apologize with nice cheap words. I thought I heard the doorbell, but I see it was the "dork-bell." Man, you funny. Good one, Brett. Now, now. No need to give us the business.

It-it would be, uh, boring.

Robot chickens weren't made to be jammed in cubicles and forced to lay eggs. Actually, they was. I'll save you.

Do you want to dance? No. I'm not really in the-- You know you want to. Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos.

Let the punishment commence! Punishment? No fair! Bender's innocent! The instant you touch these mutateous waters, your D.N.A. will be forever altered, turning you into horrible mutants like us. - Especially him. - Oh! Allow me to demonstrate.

Make it an implosion. By God, Sweet Clyde is right! An implosion might just form a black hole... that would stop more chronitons from escaping. Whoa! Slow that brain train down, Prof! We'd need some kind of doomsday device to initiate an implosion like that. Doomsday device?

Well, tell your mom I said "hello," and it's been nice catching up with you. Let's get this show on the road. Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP) (RATTLING AND GRUNTING)

Wife? What are you doing with Bender's shiny metal gas compressor? None of your bizmarkie. Wait a second. What's that do-wah in your ditty bag? Uh. Uh. Okay, so we were hot. I stole Amana's Freon coil so we could hook it up to Bender's ass and build a cooler.

I will. I will. Please, just leave me alone.

Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece?" No, Professor. It's a surprise party for your 150th birthday.

I couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I need a nap. Coffee time! Ah. Mighty fine smokable. Fancy cigar? Why don't you smoke it already? Puff, puff! Go, go, go, go, go! Nah, You can't blow the smoke from such a majestic stogie in just anyone's face.

And what's this layer of ozone? That's never been there before. Hmm?

I'll begin by drawing a line with my straightedge. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent! My javelin too! It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State.

Aah. I don't know how you did that.

Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo! We'll have to bring her around again.

Me fat. No. You look good. Tonk fat.

You and I are through! (GASPS) Aw! Here's a little song I wrote to cheer you up. It's called... Let's go already

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

There's one, you rusty old dummy. Hey, no fair. Ocupado. BENDER: Got you. ROBOT DEVIL: Ow! Ow! Come here, Devil. What are you doing? And Scruffy's buffet, how's that going? Fry, Fry, look out for that bowling barn.

Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bite my shiny metal ass. It doesn't look so shiny to me.

All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex... and sometimes the same sex.

I hate you! I hate you! You evil metal man! Ow! So, anyway, your dog is melted. Now we're friends again.

Okay. I'm insane. But I'm still sane enough to know it.

That's tasty. Too tasty. (SCREAMING) It burns. It... It burns! What's happening? The spicy curried goat. Hermes' skin is so saturated with it that it's dissolving the bad robot.

What the-- Laser-proof shirts, huh? I'll show you! Huh? Hey! Quit it! Hi-yah! Foiled. And after years of planning. You're out of the gang.

It's humiliating and degrading to Leela. Play it 10 more times. (SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't...

(HORN HONKING) HERMES: Sweet robot swan of Botswana!

What's with the eye? I'm an alien, all right? Let's drop the subject.

Tell me, Doctor, how's my cyst? Grande. I don't like the looks of this doctor.

Ah! Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it.

(ALL WHIMPERING) To the ship! Which ship? Leela's! It's safer. Safety kills. We got to move! (CLAMORING CONTINUES)

(SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

I hope that, in time, you'll realize what an idiot you've been. I wouldn't count on that.

Kid, tell the Don-bot I'm quitting organized crime. From now on, I'll stick to the regular kind.

Just slow it down. I'll shoot Hitler out the window. Darn! I hit Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake.

Guys, look, it's Calculon and the Robot Devil and an open bar. What's not to sneak into?

Good news! We're back in business! We've been hired to deliver an envelope. It's crunch time. Let's do this. It's for you, Professor.

And you are outta here!

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Fry did it. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) Hurry! Only two minutes until midnight!

Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming?

Every little thing reminds me of Enos. Aw. I know how you feel. My grandfather died recently. It's all so sad.

Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive runoff and good old American feces. God bless America.

Aha! That explains this growth on your drive shaft!

Just pretend like you're pathetic. Help, I'm scared! I wet myself. I'm crying like a baby and I'm soaking in pee, but what else is new? (CRYING) (LAUGHS MOCKINGLY) The pee-babies peed themselves. I'm off to pottery class, dorkwads.

Of course he still exists-- as a frozen corpse in outer space. Oh, I made myself sad.

Thank you and good night. Uh, Professor, are we even allowed in the forbidden zone?

(ALL GASPING) (ALL CHEERING) Kill-check two is go.

Don't be such a chicken, Kif. Teenagers all smoke, and they seem pretty on-the-ball. Yeah! Yes, sir. Way to suck it! Hey. I-i'm smoking! I'm the greatest!

Oh, God, I'm nervous. Two of my three hearts are having attacks. Court's kinda fun when it's not my ass on the line. Nachos?

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle. Where the food is digested.

One day a man has everything and the next day he blows up a $400 billion space station and the next day he has nothing. It makes you think. No, it doesn't. Come, Kiff.

Oh, no, you didn't. (ALL GRUNTING) Stop! Somewhere, sometime, Leela is waiting for me. We need to keep looking for a backwards time machine.

Yes, it's been lovely. Hang on a second. (THUDDING) NARRATOR: The Galapagos tortoise lays a clutch of between six and 15 eggs. What do you want? I'm 150 years old.

If Calculon's wedding doesn't go just right I'll be emotionally and electrically drained. Hey... These are mighty tasty.

For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls. Here's to another lousy millennium.

I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell. Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth. You're porkin' at him.

Ahh. Poor little guy. You look like you haven't eaten in a month. Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses. I like you, Seymour. You're not constantly judging me like all the other dogs.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. - That's the only thing about being a slave. - Attention! You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep,

I have no idea, Leela. But I'll tell you the same thing they told me, "Stop asking questions, old man, "and we'll slip you an extra five grand "that your crew doesn't need to know about." (GRUNTING) Now, listen carefully. This planet is controlled by two rival gangs,

(LAUGHS) Hey, boss, ain't that the type of mansion you like? Amy, the Mafia took everything we had. Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants.

(ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING) Enviromite! (ALL CHEERING)

Without these hands I can't complete The opera that was captivating her But if I keep them and she marries him Then he probably won't want me dating her Ah-roo! Bravo! Encore!

Ah. Leela, Leela Leela, save him Save Fry save Fry Godzilla will devour him As for me I must be off

Oh, God, the pain! Ho ho ho!

- Yes, my liege. - No, we're not! And as vice chairman, I believe I speak for the entire board... when I issue this challenge to Mom! Look at my butt! Whooooo! Whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo! You call that a pressed ham?

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you? Yes. All except this part. (EXCLAIMS)

I don't know when But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day

Yeah, but I'm not done yet. I got a full-proof plan to make sure I go home the champ! You're gonna put sequins on your hat? (SCOFFS) See that locker? Tonya keeps her tap shoes in there. So right before she dances, I'll sneak in and put rusty tacks in them. (CACKLES) (GASPS) The harder she dances, the more she bleeds.

Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a-- A squid? A human! Oh, my God!

I got a little boy at home, and he's dying. Dying to see me kill these two. (ALL HOOTING) Oh, your son's going to die, all right...

Let me just give old Zoidie a sedative. Ah... much better. You can take off these rubber bands now. I'll do it. Stop! No! Moron! Hmm, oh-ho! A-ha!

Now, that's a wave of destruction that's easy on the eyes. Hi-yah! This is the best movie I've ever seen. It has a vampire and an explosion.

And, lover, you know that we're gonna hit The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (KNUCKLES CRACKING) Will you come on? (TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

LEELA: Does anyone have a lighter?

Time to lower my guard even for a minute. (SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

And that's how I got my new shell.

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh?

Bachelor Chow-- Now with flavor. ...and Bigfoot is down!

The doctor is in. The doctor is out.

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Everyone is gone! Edna?

Wanna do it? So soon? Oh, well...

I was in the hospital two weeks. No one visited me. Quiet, you!

The first robot president won by exactly one vote. Ah, yes! john Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man! Oh, it hurts. But don't lose confidence. The important thing is that you defeat Elzar after I am gone.

Where'd you get an idiotic idea like that? Episodes 19, 46, 56 and 77! Great list. Except you forgot episode 66.

I don't know, Amy. I just don't know. Wah! Hey, thanks for coming. Fry, you're Bender's best friend. How could you let that mob kick him out?

Dude, there's a universe in all of us. Right on, Professor Freaksworth.

Dr. Zoidberg, it's not how it looks. Her caviar is on your neck! But... Oh, it's true, Zoidberg. We can't hide it any longer. Fry and I have fallen in love and we're going to mate tomorrow. What?! Fry, I challenge you to Claw Plock.

Look, I agree it'd make space walking more comfortable. But for a photo shoot, it's a little unsavory. Over. (RADIO CUTTING OUT) Time is money, peaches. Now shut your com-link and make love to the camera. And remember, I'm the camera. (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMS) Ow! (HEART POUNDING) Heart attack. Yep, I was right.

Bring in the accused. Oh, my. Philip J. Fry, you stand accused... of traveling to the forbidden planet Omega 3, a crime punishable by 12 concurrent death sentences. Do you understand the charges?

No. No! N-O-O-O! I won't leave you. Not until I'm sure you understand the thing I said before, about my eternal love for you burning--

So that's my story, Father Changstein el Gamahl. Is there anything religion can do to help me find my friend? Well, we could join together in prayer. Uh-huh. But is there anything useful we can do? No. Sure, I hold sÉance, channel your friend. No problem.

Pitiful ballplayers of Earth. I am Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate, Commander of the Harlem Globetrotters.

Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit... Hang on. It's time to sort things out. The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela. We're robots, and we're in love. Let's ditch these meat jackets.

Zoidberg. Zoidberg. (ALL WHIMPERING) One of us must be the bad creature. Is it me maybe? (GROWLS) Aw!

Mmm. My God, this is an outrage. I was going to eat that mummy. Fry has got to go.

Kif, I'm asking you a question.

I should warn you, though, he's a little... unusual. He wears sandals. Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical. Excellent, excellent.

(EXCLAIMS) Such detail. Such finely wrought, intricate beauty. LEELA: It's like staring into the face of God. It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul.

Amy Wong! Ooh! Baby soft. Indeed. Dr. Zoidberg!

The heights 'cause I'm sure that we're made to fit Together, just like pieces of a Jigsaw puzzle What's the hustle?

They fight for the heck of it because they like to, here comes G.I. Zapp G.I. Zapp, G.I. Zapp! ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of heavily armed mercenaries,

Say, robot, old buddy, could you help me move a couch? Aw, okay, but I'm not carrying it upstairs.

If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest! Come on. We have work to do.

And this is a top-secret FCC satellite launched that same year to censor indecent TV programs. Like The Pimpsons and Ass-o-rama? Precisely. However, the satellites collided shortly after launch and were never heard from again. I found the board!

You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

Folks, the situation is grim, but we shall prevail thanks to you, our crack team of loyal dregs. I don't even know who this guy is. I'm Scruffy, the janitor.

I find it very... erotic. What? Erotic! Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised. It time snu-snu! Can't we just cuddle?

Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8! Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo!

(ALL SCREAMING) The Cyclops-eater!

Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie. Was that original or the remake? I don't... Hey! They're getting away!

Coilette, this may be presumptuous.

Mmm... As long as I'm going to be in charge here, let me examine my so-called crew if it can so be called. First of all, Dr. Zoidberg,

If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program. Yep.

Well, they're still young-- mere atomic superboys, really. We'll need to speed up their growth... with time particles called chronitons. Aren't those the particles that destroyed an entire civiliza-- Good news, everyone! You're off to the Tempus Nebula to gather chronitons.

I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash. How badly? That's it over there.

Than watch tv and have A couple of brews

The Maltese Liquor done destroyed their brains. Fools should have known it's fatal for anyone but robots and Billy Dee Williams. So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out! Something's not right. I refuse to believe it.

Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I? No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money. True, but in the end isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about? Yeah. I guess so.

Tally me banana! Amy's a klutz from Mars. Oops! And Fry, you've got that brain thing!

You just lost $5.00.

As you probably already don't know, odors are made up of particles that can't travel through the vacuum of space. I'm zeroing in on him. Ben Gay... Mothballs... Letters to the editor! It's the professor! To the flying machine!

So, if I don't shoot Bender all my other friends will die? Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out!

(SOBBING) And the worst part is, I had to have the breakup sex by myself! (CRYING) Fry, some of us have real problems. I just learned there are people with fancier sausage meats than me!

No. I give you the twit-worm!

(PANTING) (GRUNTS)

Look out! A Central Park badger!

Hey, do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter?

You want a hit? Never heard of it. Sure.

I know big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay. Did he use his tongue? A little. Are you okay, Bender?

Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis.

Oh, boy. Mr. Fry! Why are all these people standing around when they should be partying? All right! (MUSIC RESUMES) Hey, hey, LBJ, you want to get drunk? Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS) Zoidberg, no! The effects of jar juice aren't fully understood.

Leela, you ignorant dope! Now the worms will be in Fry forever.

I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used.

You only go in as a joke when we're eight runs behind, or when our other pitchers sneak out early to beat the traffic! Come on! Let's see some fundamentals out there! And not clown fundamentals!

Hmm. Sounds like a breeding ground for humans. I better check it out. Oh, yeah. You're a bad girl, aren't you? Psst! Bender. Wha-what? Oh, you?!

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out!

And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands.

Howdy, fellas. I'm Bender. Go to hell, old man! I like your attitude. Let's party. But first, fold these two sweaters. BOTH: I'm sorry, do you see a robot in this room named "Folder"? (BOTH CHUCKLING) Damn, you're cute. (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)

Watch it, you stumblebums. You're boopin' my betty. (ALL EXCLAIMING) Um, I'll be back in a jiff. I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

Hold me in your arms And let me be the one Who can feel like I am a child in love

And Kif, as the most attractive male, will be Snu-snu'd by the most beautiful women of Amazonia, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again. Initiate snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu! Snu-snu!

Initiate snu-snu!

I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more.

It's just foolish on its face. If you want the cheese log, you'll read what I wrote.

My bad-hearted woman loved a smooth-talking gambler So I ran him over with my train Lord, Lord Yes, I ran him over with my train!

Magnitude 31. We're breaking up. Turn on the anti-smell device. Hmm, sporty. Wow! Look at all this filth.

especially if we're trying to get the Olympics. (CLAMORING) May I buy you a drink? We don't get a lot of pretty faces around here. (GIGGLES) Uh... Sure, but I'm driving. I'll just have the smallest whiskey you've got. A small aquarium of whiskey for the busty lass.

but snipping is the only reason I'm even tolerated around here. Not like you, with those magnificent squeezers. Squeezers? Squeezers! They're clamps, you (BLEEP)! And if I want to (BLEEP)-ing snip with these clamps, I will snip with these (BLEEP)-ing clamps!

ZAPP: G.I. Zapp is the code name for an elite group of... NIXON: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are.

With images of last year's Gingerbread Massacre... freshly baked into our memories, I remind you to bolt your doors, say good-bye to your pets and lock your children in the closet. This is Walter Cronkite saying "I told you so."

We've detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight followed by a light dinner. Ravioli, ham, sundae bar. Hey, look. That's Zapp Brannigan's ship.

I mean that sincerely. It's just that I'm in showbiz. Sorry, I went to my quiet place to write. Here's the script.

I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop. Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us. If anyone asks, I'll deny it. just like every other girl I've dated.

Well, why don't you think back to what brought you together in the first place. Oh, I don't know. Lrrr used to be so tender. I only wrote that poem to test my printer! We'd go walking in the woods, and lrrr would find injured little tinkle bunnies and nurse them back to health.

Not long ago, I spent my lonely nights renting slasher flicks with Rat Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful woman arrived... Stop eating, Pig! And she brought new hope for me and our once-great civilization. Now, a million centuries of Cyclops destiny depend on the answer to one question.

Prepare for the stereophonic experience. Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo!

Yo. And the microwave radiation... combined with the gravitons and graviolis from the supernova, blasted us through time itself. Have you seen today's news?

Very good, sir. Shall I prewarm sir's crack pipe?

Chef Fritz, thank God you're all right!

So I gotta hide forever? No, just until the Robot Mafia finds and kills you. They're pretty good at that. Goodbye, Professor. Before I leave, I just want you to know I've never done any work whatsoever. Zoidberg, I know it seems like I can't stand you.

Huh?! I mean, unless it'd make you feel bad being a third wheel. Hey, I can get a date, too. Now that I'm single I'll attract all sorts of women. With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman. Oh! Oh.

And during this period of head-crater interaction what were you doing? Martini drinking contest with the autopilot. I would have had him this time, but we ran out of olives. I can explain. You really think you can explain how you left port without a full complement of olives? I think not. What is this, high school? Locker check.

Out of the squad? I am the squad! You believe me, don't you, Fry? I don't know, Bender. You got to admit, the pattern of fires is suspicious, being a perfect shape and all. We can't have an arsonist in our midst. We can have four idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonists. Now clean out your locker and beat it!

Only one. The absolutely flawless recitation from memory of the royal oath... by you. Will there be cake?

Fry, you half-mad, half-insane maniac be reasonable.

Hey, Blotto, roll down the window and start shooting. Um-- Oh, uh-- Ooh, he got me!

Remember me! Remember me!

Randall, let's grant these mutants their freedom. Okay. (MUTANTS CHEERING) Are we not men now? I'm 40% potato, but close enough. Thank you, Fry. I think maybe I can stomach that kiss now. (RETCHING)

But you know, I have a friend in Boston who's an expert silversmith. They could be connected. There's only, like, 40 people who do anything around here.

(CAGE CLANGS SHUT)

(ROARING) (SCREAMING) (FOOTSTEPS POUNDING) (YELLING)

- Earthquake! - Hit the deck!

Shoot 'em in the back! Quick, while they're not looking! Court is in session. The Honorable judge Whitey presiding. The charge is bank robbery. Now, my caddy's chauffeur informs me that...

But unlike Utah it was eventually made livable when the University was founded in 2636. They planted traditional college foliage: Ivy, trees, hemp. Soon, the whole planet was terra-formed. Does that mean it's safe to breathe the air?

Magnify that death sphere. Why is it still blurry? KIF: That's all the resolution we have. Making it bigger doesn't make it clearer. It does on CSI: Miami.

Uh-huh. Now tell her she's witty and sophisticated. Uh-uh-uh. A gentlemen always sells a lady a car first. This is the Beta Romeo.

Dora the Destroyer,

Ooh! I'm going to check out that math lecture.

Oh, yeah. Plop those roundies. (GASPING) (GROANING) All right, step aside. Time to let my bad boys loose.

Wow! Crime fighting. Cool! And you say you're a duo? Yeah, duos are good. Of course, sometimes they're a little shorthanded. See ya. With two humans, you'd think there'd be a robot in there to balance things out. But whatever.

You want to see a picture of my boy? Sure. That's your penis. That's my boy. I guess this isn't not so bad. As long as we don't need to use our mental... Mental... Minds?

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Michelle, baby. It's not working out, Fry. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est-ce pas? That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back?

I'll stick with good old mineral oil. Ah. Functional. Mm. That's mine here. I'm hungrier than a green snake in a sugarcane field. Friends, friends, surely you're not going to eat before we say robot grace.

Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry!

Ooh! Ooh! Woooo! I'm a scary femputer! Release the prisoners! And bring gold! Lots of gold! Gold? Why Femputer want gold? You heard the man! Yeah. Ooh.

Ooh, this is real futuristic. Shh. Don't talk during the movie. New New York Mayor C. Randall Poopenmeyer opens a new tube line to alleviate rush hour traffic.

How can this be? I thought the Benders drank all the alcohol in the world. They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

That's a big crock of-- Hold me.

We all hope they're communicating a peaceful message. (SCREECHES)

Of course she's your grandmother, you perverted dope!

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Hey, you're quite the talker, aren't you? Shut the hell up! Ow!

Okay. Does it hurt when I go like this? Ow! A little. Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now? As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry-- This is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine.

Dance, slave, dance.

As much as I miss him, he didn't really serve much purpose around here. Though he did walk Zoidberg. (WHIMPERING) In any case, I've improved on Fry by sticking some wheels on a board, so Leela and Bender can easily make the next delivery without him. Neat. So, where we going? Pandora.

More, please. A little more. More. Keep going.

It's not fair. It's not fair! Wait. My eyes aren't that bad.

Oh, fine. I'll get you some stupid food. Could we have Bender Burgers again? No! The cat shelter's on to me.

You got a problem? We can take it outside. Okay, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him.

And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins. Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so. Oh, you'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me.

Welcome to Mars! It is with heavy heart and open arms that we receive Earth's only survivors. Admission, $20. Dad! Gleesh. Greetings, Mars men. We come to your planet to construct a gleaming city, a second Earth on which to begin anew. Okay. Admission, $20.

Once, not far from here,

You don't have to do this, Fry. Mr. Peppy just gave me a little love concussion. Thanks, Leela, but I have no choice. I can't let my monstrous de-boner get anywhere near you. There it is! Well, this is it. You guys wait here.

Technology is defeated! Let us return to the island and celebrate by counting rocks! Yes! Hooray! I'm for that. Whoa. Whoa. No one wants to count rocks more than me, but our mission is not complete--

Hey, Bender. Hey, Fender. Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still working at jack in the Box? Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band.

I must bid you farewell, my special friend.

Anyone want to play Dungeons and Dragons for the next quadrillion years?

Bender, snap out of it. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Let's go! I love stealin' I love takin' things

Earth slaves, behold the fruit of your labors-- the Mobile Oppression Palace! Neat!

Fry! Whew! Fry!

(SNARLS) Is it safe to come... (SCREAMS) (ALL SCREAMING)

Can someone open a window? It's getting a little warm in here. Is that better?

It's about to break. Yes! Yes! All right!

What day is today it's Nibbler's birthday What a day for a birthday Let's all have some cake. And you smell like one, too.

I was working on Project Satan a savage, intelligent military vehicle built from the most evil parts of the most evil cars in all the world-- the steering wheel from Hitler's staff car the left turn signal from Charles Manson's vW the windshield wipers from that car that played Knight Rider. Knight Rider wasn't evil.

What did I teach you about tinkering with machinery? How. You taught me how. I also taught you not to get caught. Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you. It's not my fault. I didn't even know Bender had a license agreement. Neither did I... Oh.

Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else

Hey, rich girl!

Okay, it's $500, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can't hold a charge and the reception isn't very... Shut up and take my money! The new eyePhone is wonderful. I use it to check recipes and send threatening e-mails to unauthorized third-party app developers.

At last I'm beautiful! BENDER: Yeah, if you're into gray dust.

Eww! Oh! It's like that time I peeked in the kitchen at Imperial Hunan. Submerge the prisoners! Wait. I don't even have D.N.A. Why am I screaming?

There's hot dogs for everyone. Hey, Mac, where do you want those rat droppings you ordered?

What a pleasant surprise. Shut up, booger blaster! It's time the three of us had a talk. I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside the box. I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be.

Your Honor... I'm just a simple hyper-chicken from a backwoods asteroid, but if it please the court I reckon I'll call the entire jury. I'm going to allow this.

Squid attack! Hit the deck! (ALL SCREAM)

What is that, like, a hundred cups of coffee? That's it! I'm getting a hundred cups of coffee, starting now! Coffee machine, one cup of coffee, please. Smells good! Leela, are you there?

Anything big worth checking out? Just your big jangly booty, baby.

Yeah, maybe it just learned to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry. Like Fry, like Fry. There's one way, and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent--

Get your badge. Take my hand. Top gun pilot, natural leader, extreme combat training. Rejected! (BUZZES)

You mean my partner, Blorgulax? He does make a convincing hitchhiker. But he majored in business at Princeton. But we saw him change shape. Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags.

Aha! Now the rubber band's on the other claw.

The hero of my folk song tried to run me down, and Fry refused to save me. That doesn't sound like me. Fry? But you just... I'll figure it out later. But first, I'll kill you! Bender, stop. We've been trying to warn you all night. You didn't answer your cell phone telephone,

(GRUNTING) What's going to happen to me? Permanent deportation, you mutant. You going downtown, baby. Way down. (ELECTRIC BLEEP) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING)

That'll be five bills. Hey, give me back my stones.

I'm the sausage champion! (WHOOPING) No further questions!

The weasel! Ha-ha!

singing songs about penguins in a fine piercing tenor.

Five! Four. Three. Two. One! Blast off! Happy New Year!

Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbow with a neutron laser. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market. But things eight feet tall aren't cute. That's why my colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure. Oh! You don't understand me! We're finished!

Fifteen miners are now confirmed trapped in the sun. If rescue doesn't come soon,

They said it couldn't be done, Kif, but here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium - from the unsuspecting moon. Sun. At night it's called the moon. Ugh! All this heat has rendered me parched.

No, boy, stop! It's too low! Your backbone can't take it!

Cut to the chase, smokey.

Healthy, healthy, healthy Healthy purpleberries are Eat purpleberries and you'll be a star Look, a new purp-son is coming to Purpleberry Pond. (NEIGHING) Announcing Lord Loquat. I wonder what shade of purple he'll be.

This party pukes!

You gotta get me outta here. I would have starved to death... if not for that sick vending machine robot. Gimme! Gimme! Poor Fry. He's got the munchies for freedom. We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Gearshift, chapter president. This is Oily, and this here is Fat-bot. You're all losers. My name's Bender. Bender from Bending State Bender? Wow! You're a legend around here.

Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever, spasms, insanity, - (GIGGLES CRAZILY) - coma, (SIGHS) and finally death?

"The Grumpy Snail." Sorry.

Anyway... Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty. If he catches you after dark he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

Oh, thanks, Bender. Hey, too tight, too tight!

(SCREAMING) Whew! That was close. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Whew! Ahhh!

I don't like the looks of this, Mr. President. Shall I switch it off? Negative. Rosemary, release the Surgeon General. ROSEMARY: Get in there! Ow! It's bright out here. Wernstrom, the quarantine has failed.

There's nothing so refreshing as the clean, crisp taste... of this bold Canadian beer. Well, see you in an hour. I gotta go do some business behind that tree.

How could we have thought a guy with integrity was you even for a second? Because you're idiots. Come on, Silicon Red, let's sell out. (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CHEERING) I'm the real Rodriguez Will you please stand up?

Bender, stop. Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything. No, I'm going to chop off my antenna. Hey... yeah, that sounds good.

So, it's a stone. Is it real? Hooray! Hooray denied! Need I remind you that robosexual marriage is illegal?

Snap out of it! Start the ship, Leela. Let's just steal the damn radar dish and get back to our own time. But-But won't that change history? Oh, a lesson in not changing history... from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa." Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now! The time has come, my friend. We have to talk about our arrangement.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Aah! Bender! It's a miracle! Aah! This is by a wide margin the least likely thing that has ever happened.

Ow! I'm back, baby. (ALL GASPING) You're back from the dead? I'm back from lots of stuff. Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much.

Remarkable! According to the high-precision digital chronograph... it's july 9, 1947, which would explain why the chronograph has turned into...

It's gonna be a doozy. (GRUNTING) I sure do love hanging people. Well, I best start cutting the nooses. Oh! You know who could help with that? Francis! (LAUGHS) Nice job, Francis.

You seem a tad wound up, buddy. And your face is greasy. Real greasy. You been up all night? Of course I've been up all night! Not because of caffeine. It was insomnia.

Okay. Better think of a new plan. Come on, Fry. Think. Thinking. Thinking.

Check. Hmm... Get 'im, boys! Good move.

Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top, and the lady part on the bottom?

Clamps. Clamps! Uh-huh? Listen to my boss words. I would like you to apply for Bender's old job and cozy up to this Fry, his best friend. Yeah, and then I'll introduce him to my best friend,

We can have dinner on my birthday some other year. No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up on you. Really? Your loss. Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well. Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.

And that's why the third graders at P.S. 139 are Morbo's "vermin of the Week." In actual news the human race was doomed to extinction today as the robot revolt turned violent.

You see? TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1,000 times before. What you talkin' 'bout, Fry? Trust me on this.

Bye-bye, keys. (SIGHS) I remember now. We had to take a cab back to our base on Vergon 6. The boss gave me a spare key and I began going planet to planet looking for the company car.

If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now! Our universe is doomed! Doomed! Now don't give up yet, you crybabies. The box is gone, but we still have one preposterously slim hope.

(SIGHS) So... You want a piece of gum? If I do, it's only because I was predestined to want a piece of gum. Whoa, that's pretty deep. So... You want a piece of gum? Yeah.

Now, stand back. I gotta practice my stabbin'. Ha-haa! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-haa! No! Please! Help! Stop it! Police! Hey, keep it down in there! I'm tunin' my banjo! Geez, Red. Quit cowerin'. You call yourself a robot?

He sure has a shiny metal bumbledy-boop. They're so cute and harmless. No wonder you feel safe ripping off their act. Bender, I feel bad enough already.

Bender, you won't believe this but the empathy chip burned out. The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own. Huh. Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings after all.

Hey, dudes, you could win a chance to party with me, Slurms McKenzie at the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormula. just look for the golden bottle cap inside specially marked cans of Slurm. I won. No purchase necessary unless you wish to enter. Odds of winning mathematically insignificant. I like those odds.

Big deal. We all feel like that all the time, but you don't hear us gassin' on about it. How can you people be so blasÉ?

Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

Come on, let's go someplace where we don't have to do one quintillionth of a thing all the time.

I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth. It was you driving your hover car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum...

Whoa-oh-oh-ohs! That jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless they're prepared to take it to the next level.

Actually, I don't have bones. I'm supported by a system of fluid-filled bladders that--

Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips. I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool. Windmills do not work that way! Good night!

join us, Bender. Oh, oh, my God! just as I suspected.

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that. You may be my evil half brother but there's no law against murdering the other half.

(WHALE SINGING)

And now for the finishing touch. Ah, the cycle of bureaucracy. Sweet gorilla of Manila!

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week.

To this day, my poor, sweet robots can't exterminate humanity without being told to.

Uh-oh. The bullies are back. Leela, Amy, I like a stalwart, feminine physique as much as the next fellow, but this Nectar worries me. You should be worried about this! Boo-ya! (WHIMPERS) Easy, Amy, easy. Professor, there's nothing wrong with Nectar.

Try again, Sinclair! I said target Robot 1-X! Who's Robot 1-x? Launching! So, I guess everything worked out fine.

Oh, Bender, Bender, I missed you so much. Hey, wait, did you haunt me?

That looked staged.

Help. Help! Bender, you got to spring me. I'll never survive in here. I'm too pretty. All right, all right. I'll bust you out. Cheese it!

With its patented design, the fat drains directly into my mouth. Mmm... mmm...

It's a poisonous froad! No one move. I'm back, baby.

El zilcho? Hey, is it too late to change my superhero name?

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)

We made it! We're alive! Burn on that old crew. The only things they did better than us were suck and die. Leela, we got lucky this time. But you should be more careful. I don't want anything to happen to you.

Yea! I will now perform my people's native dance. Do the hustle It says here that "this part of the Hustle implores the gods... to grant a favor, usually a Trans Am."

Dear Lord, they're back.

Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies. Who's kicking who around now?

I can't go through the rest of my life like this. Don't you have a self-destruct button? Yeah... but it's on my body. What am I going to do?

Exciting news, people! The pet license I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived. Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler. Dream on, woman.

That's it! Sir, I challenge you to fisticuffs. Oh, I'm boned.

Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die. Come on, come on. Fry, what's happening? Did you fall off the building? Actually, that's kind of a funny story...

Because you're idiots.

Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love freedom,

Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly. (ALL GASPING)

Uh... Sure. In order to fix your leaky roof, I'll need to spend two or three hours down here in the wine cellar. I'll be upstairs putting batteries in things. Whoa! The Maltese Liquor. Forty ounces of heaven!

Sweet llamas of the Bahamas! Except for that stylish beard he look just like Bender. No duh, dreadlock. We're both bending units. Hey, bro-bot, what's your serial number? 3370318. No way. Mine's 2716057.

Why couldn't I steal it? It's obvious, Mr. B. You're in love. Oh, it's true. But we're star-crossed robots. She, a countess built with a silver spoon in her mouth. And me, just a regular honest joe. Hey, you going to pay for those? Hell, no.

Wait, there's a snail on the tail of the frog on the bump on this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea. Dear Liza.

I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies." And Dr. WOrnstrum... WOrnstrum... Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... surprise! Oh, happy birthday! Surprise! Happy birthday! And you, Coach Smalley,

Hey, there he is again and he brought nerds. Take this!

Attagirl. (WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING)

(WIND BLOWING) Maybe if I move the compass like this, it will somehow kill the whale.

Hermes Conrad is closing the gap. He's limboed out of retirement and straight into my heart. I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!"

What do you think, Fry?

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway?

(BOTH GRUNTING) Ah! These guys.

Uh-oh. What's going on here?

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, yeah!

Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike. Dream up some kind of luxury vehicle so we can ride in style. (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) (GRUNTING)

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh, "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

Next slide, please. 75% of these big railroad men have bad-hearted women who done them wrong, usually with a smooth-talking rambler. There's a lot more, but in the end, somebody kills somebody... Blah, blah, blah. Somebody kills somebody Blah, blah, blah Catchy!

(GROANING) Sex with Zapp! Sex with Zapp! No, no! Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't think I can live here anymore. I'll be back for my things at 8:00 sharp. (RINGING) Sex with Zapp!

Flexo outranks me? That's "Flexo outranks me, sir."

I don't know. Perhaps I'll look out this window. Oh, dear God in heaven! They're swarming all over her! No! No! What are you talking about, Bender? She's... There's strapping her to the juicer! Oh, they're putting some ice cubes in the glass under it.

Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can't digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies.

Maybe he's just trying to feed his family. Computer, analyze tapes and extract personality profile of one Turanga Leela. COMPUTER: Analyzing. Analyzing. Checking my eBay bid.

Okay, but what are the brain slugs who control you going to do for the working man? Attach brain slugs to them. Sure, you say that now.

FARNSWORTH: The year one billion. I've got a feeling this could be exactly the point in time we've been looking for! Nope. In fact, all life is extinct.

Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang? Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree the rings might indicate his age. Yeah, well, good luck. It would take some kind of genius to count all those rings. He's five.

Oww! Aah! Oww! Oww!

Cool! Let's see this one. Nah, I'm not in the mood for a historical documentary. I've heard good things about Quizblorg, Quizblorg. Guck! I hate subtitles. Alien films are so pretentious. Fellows, fellows,

This sort of thing always happens with office romances.

A little land mammal!

(CHEERING) You know what the best part is? From now on, whenever we're eating fresh, organic space-meat, we'll know exactly where it comes from. One bucket of double-fried, triple-salted, boneless sheep tots, please.

Hey, what was the purpose of life anyway? Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit. Sounds about right. FARNSWORTH: The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness! Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint.

Versus The Chain Smoker. I love smoking, and after I win the fight I'm headed straight to your favorite restaurant.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Versus The Foreigner. I'm not from here. I have my own customs. Look at my crazy passport.

(GRUNTS) Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you, I'll take you where there's nothing flammable, so you can't do any more harm.

I'll walk you out. After all, a true gentlemen tends to his date's every need. Tiparillo? Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. He's flashin' his cash loaf again.

But once you turn 21, it becomes very, very good, so scram!

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know?

With less Sodom and more Gomorrah. Let's do it. I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow!

Not even if you were the last man on Mars.

Oh, you're right. Tomorrow is the day we fight back.

You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Perhaps. But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you. No, we're on the top. Daylight and everything. Oh. It must be wonderful. Eh. Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler.

It's the Battle of Paco's Tacos all over again. (BOTH WHIMPERING) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) Mom, what are you doing? What I was trained to do. (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

Fry, face it: The Moon is a dump. It's a boring dried-up wasteland. And the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that? I guess I can't.

What am I doing?! What have I become?!

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you!

Sharks are winners, and they don't look back, 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep.

(ALL LAUGHING) Hey, guys, quit reminiscing and grab me two cigars. One thing each? Sounds fair. Wait, make that four cigars. BOTH: You want us to do four things?

Oh, no! What have I done? You poor little guy. I'm so sorry I-- Bender?

Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler. just make a simple cake. And this time if someone's going to jump out of it make sure to put them in after you cook it. So it's a cake you want, is it?

You don't wanna miss the unveiling of our new company, do you? Company? How cute! What will you be peddlin'? Lemonade? Shoe shines? Cootie insurance? Perhaps they've constructed a teddy bear hospital. Actually, we're starting a competing delivery company.

The professor put the counter on upside down. That idiot. It wasn't set for 25 minutes. It was set for 52 seconds. We're going to die! - Right? - Right.

Oh, I miss him. Ooh, that reminds me.

Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah! Whoa!

(GASPS) "S.O.S."? Those are the letters that Fry knows! He's alive!

FARNSWORTH: Easy, easy. Taking her in for a landing. One year to go. Six months.

Yeah, good luck with that.

(SHIVERING) It's getting cold and smelly. My Odor-Eaters are going critical. Maybe we could plotz in that giant cockle. AMY: Shmeepers, it's the Land Titanic, the biggest and onlyest land boat ever constructed.

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known.

Remember, you don't know humans you don't work for humans and above all, you don't like humans. I'll try to keep that in mind.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left.

who have won 15 Butterfly Derby bouts in a row,

I'll call and tell you about it. Leela I just want you to know that even though you're mean you're the best captain ever. Yeah, you're one dynamite lady. Can we have the week off?

I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal.

That's no lady. Damn, chico.

Show them my medal, Kif. He rented it with his tax refund. So, Leela, will you have the pleasure? What little there is to be had. Tomorrow night at 8:00 then. Smooches. Mwah!

Leela, are you okay? Did you drink too many aquaria?

I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone.

Pazuzu, you ungrateful gargoyle!

You really don't want me to be captain anymore? You got it, genius. But didn't I do a good job? You were mean, and you yelled and you made us do all that work. Sometimes, a captain needs to do those things. Besides, I thought we were friends.

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out! Cease hitting Femputer. Oh! You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

oh, whoa, whoa she's A lady Whoo! And the lady is mine she's A lady oh, whoa, whoa she's A lady

Bam! Please, let me make it up to you. I'll treat you to a fancy birthday dinner tonight, at Cavern on the Green. Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up. Not this time. No matter what happens, I swear I'll be there.

Who wants a fish? Mushu is sad! It just keeps comin' and comin'.

Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah!

Ow! Oh! Yah! Ow! Aah! Ow.

Alcazar, I used to be a baby. It might have been me. Fortunately, I was employed as a pool cleaner at the time and, when I emerged from retrieving a dead possum I found I was the only one left. It's so tragic. Yes, but the real tragedy is that our race ends with us. It doesn't have to. What do you mean?

Okay, she's all restocked with emergency jam. Let's get going. At the risk of sounding negative, no. Look, Professor, I can't participate in this mission. What are you yapping about? This time it's your reckless disregard for the environment. In fact, I'm gonna go join those protestors.

Hey! Okay, okay, come on now. Stop! The robot's not your enemy. He's just a poor, misunderstood....

But you keep on talking Keep on yakking Shut up and love me Shut up and love me ENGLISH - US - LINE 21

And leave me high and dry in case of a scavenger hunt? I think not.

We did it! Melllvar's got a spaceship! Yes! In mint condition! And you made me take it out of the package!

Attention, job deserters! Come out with your hands up! We have you partially surrounded. No! Get those bums. Well, we're boned. Can't we get away in the ship?

Don't worry, Fry. We'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. Oops-a-daisy. Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much. Fry! Oh, sorry. I guess I control that arm. Whoo, whoo-hoo, whoo!

Yes, and I begged Zoidberg to put me out of my misery. Bring him, quickly. (GROANS) Should have known better than to store my antiques in the office. Zoidberg, we were wrong. We're letting you out so you can kill the Professor.

Hawk, fetch! That seemed unnecessary.

You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating. That's it. Now put up your hands. Nice and slow. Aw, yeah. And while you're at it, un-blur your face. Oh, man.

I am not the whale! All I wanted was to complete my delivery. Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery? This whale's gonna pay. It can't escape what it already is, me! I am the whale! See?

You go, girl! By the way, your pal Fry fell into the dungeon. Take him a taco so he doesn't die and stink up the place. Come on, Al. Can't you let the little guy out? Geez, Leela, twice in one day? I'm not Superman.

frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

They work here in the Slurm factory. Tell them I hate them. As we sail down the river of Slurm you'll see our mixologists at work.

I was given the curse many a year ago while on a bird-watching trip to the Arctic. I was attacked by a vicious motorized sled. The natives called it... the Abominable Snowmobile.

I love Amy, and I'm tired of pussyfootcupping around!

we will no longer be offering free squid guts in the kitchen.

Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat.

You don't have your own body. No, but I control this arm. Slots player, huh?

They stole everything except my mouth and eyes. I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking.

I don't miss twice, campers. And for those 6½ reasons I am demoting Leela to copilot. "Copilot"? Under who? The autopilot. That drunk? Mr. Bender, you are now in charge of coordinating the professor's bodily functions.

We can explain. No, you can't! Shut your adorable trap! We had no choice. You were the only one who could help us.

President Nixon here. I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice.

A female leader? Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. just go. You want the rest of the cham-pag-en? No. And it's pronounced "champagne." Oh, God, no!

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over, and no question, Leela, the first woman ever to reach the majors, will go down as the single worst player in the history of blernsball. She's taught the world that being a bum knows no gender.

We still have the option of resorting to violence! What makes you think that'll work? I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that? Ooh! Yeah! Come on! Quit the show! Do the scene. I'm a cold-blooded punk!

Here's to us poor schmoes... working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy, female man.

You have made yourself an enemy, my friend!

(YELLING) (GASPING) Leela, are you okay? Did you drink too many aquaria? Look, the bone vampire!

or as you non-Catholics would say, the bone vampire.

It's whatever your imagination wants it to be. Oh. But what is it, really? That's not for you to know.

And so, on behalf of the entire city I thank you, Professor Farnsworth. I now present you with the academy prize which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass. Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!

I can't watch... Enough.

ROBOT HOST: Welcome back to the Young People's Choice Awards! In a moment, the award for Outstanding Sext Message. But first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme, The Adventures of Pit-bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer,

Unless of course... war were declared.

Once their task is complete, they will ensure... that no new information arises in the only way possible-- by destroying the universe.

Don't be embarrassed. They're dead.

Coilette, this may be presumptuous. That's my favorite kind of "this." But I would be honored if you would join me for dinner sometime. Whoo! Calculon, you'd be fulfilling this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy.

We're not your friends! We're your victims! I was just trying to... Shut up and give me my kidney back! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

Oop, low on power. Better fuel up. Oh, no! Guess I'll do what I always do when I run out of booze.

Thank you very much.

Oh, dear God! (GROANING LOUDLY)

Youse guys skedaddle. Let me take care of the doity woik. Hey, I like your attitude and your latest accent. Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps.

I want my hands back Never! A deal's a deal

six kinds of beans, plus several things that look like beans. Beans, huh? Mmm, this is great! How do you make the crust so fizzy? Ah, ah, ah! Ancient Signoid secret. My husband. Some hotshot! Here's his ancient Signoid secret.

There. One million papers folded and loaded. Hey, Leela. Help me apply these flame decals I got in my cereal. They'll make the ship go faster. And What's your scientific basis for thinking that?

When I was an orphan, I always wished I could grow up with my mom and dad. And now, thanks to being hurled backwards in time-- That's not what happened! Shut up and go live with your parents!

Now what are we going to do? Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship. Do you think we should? Yes, I do.

Listen, Morgan, we're through. You're an evil, heartless woman and I never want to see you again.

I promise you the full support of our government already. Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa? Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind. I'm truly humbled. What, no marshmallows?

Look out, a solar flare!

Warships dismissed!

Well, down to my last lottery ticket. Cherry. Cherry! Mule. Crud! So, you got six bucks left to retire on. I recommend Tender Vittles.

who commits crimes aided by a pack of highly trained animals. Pack of highly. Got it. His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

This is our last chance, Fry! When the alien ship plays the tone sequence, respond with the exact notes you remembered in your dream or we're all dead. No pressure.

Let's see if this actually works.

You don't have to do the math to know that's a buttload of oil. Can I wear your fat suit? No, igner, put that down! Ohh. What does this have to do with the anchovies? I'm getting to the freaking anchovies.

What is it? I burned my finger.

I almost feel like we should do something to help her. We should do something! I don't care what you say, Hermes. Let's go. Oh, mighty Mayor, we're here about Turanga Leela. You mean Leela? Right. I mean, sure, she's a mutant, we've known that for years, but we kept it secret 'cause she's a fine, upstanding...

We've got a very special delivery today. Who's it going to? Me. Another job well done. No, I need it shipped to my office at Mars University. It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize. In what field? I don't care.

What's your name, private? Lee... la... man. La-man. Lemon! Lee Lemon, sir. Lemon, you're a man's man. You're a man's man's man. And more importantly your hand, while firm and masculine is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use?

Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk. He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't trust him. I think he's hiding something and I'm going to find out what it is.

The elves have rescued Xmas Day Hooray! Giddyap.

LEELA: Wait! Help! I'm still on Mars, and I can't jump! Hang on, Leela! I'll save you again! Or somebody else could do it! (PANTING)

Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it? He's coming out of...

It's Fry. Wiggles? Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie, the crusty, comically inept geological surveyor, they're all made of nano-plastic. So, if Bender had sung about, I don't know, some crazy giant land octopus attacking me, it would have actually happened?

So, how did the universe begin? Then the meaning of existence-- So every religion is wrong!

Make a wish. (CROWD GASPING) My God! Fry has metamorphosed into a gigantic butterfly! He's even more beautiful than before!

Come on. We have work to do.

I'm going to allow this. Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt? That's a stupid question. What matters is Zapp Brannigan is the sorriest captain I've ever seen and I saw the idiot blow up DOOP headquarters with my own eye.

Ugh! Enough emotions. This isn't a fat camp, for God's sake. Although you wouldn't know it from looking.

Oh, no! They're forming a human pyramid... of robots. Damn it! We're weren't countin' on them being as smart as they are sexy. A dangerous mistake to make. At least we've got food.

Well, you obviously won't listen to reason. So I guess I'll listen to idiotic-ness and come with you. But we'll need a Sherpa to guide us.

Did-Did you just talk?

Do you even have an ass under there? I'm 40% ass! Arf, arf! Now beat it! (LAUGHS) NARRATOR: With no hope of defeating the Beachmaster, some so-called "sneaky" males adopt a risky strategy,

If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw. Yeah. You can't shut us down. The Internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas.

Bender, this is Fry's decision. And he made it wrong, so it's time for us to interfere in his life.

Interesting. Come on, men! Let's kill him! Your genders differ in many ways.

What? Are you talking? Oh, God, I'm deaf! Oops. I'm so, so sorry, Leela. I just wanted to annoy you. What? Oh, this is horrible. I won't be able to hear Fry's opera. How delightfully ironic.

Pandora. That dangerous 3D planet? Can't we just send our avatars?

'Bout time! That's my boy!

I expect you'll want to see... my Angry Crotchety Grandpa Discount Card. Sir, this card has expired. But it's good for a lifetime. Well, yours expired. Ooh.

No! Quit asking!

(DOOR OPENS) I almost headed off the Professor at the East River, but the wind caught his skin flaps and sent him parasailing over the Queensboro Bridge. Why would he go to Queens? He doesn't need tires.

Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh! Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative.

Who are you people? Why are you attacking my ego? You stole our friends' life forces. Ah, yes. I warned the robot, but he wouldn't listen. You see, I was once like the rest of my species, showing my face to one planet, draining its life force and moving on.

Uh-oh. Time to boogie on down to the sauna.

Not all missions can be solved with chess, Deep Blue. Someday you'll understand that. Where am I, anyway? You're traveling in a specially equipped terrestrial transport module. A school bus.

No! The elders have spoken.

You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything.

Thank you, thank you. Let's get started. Max, play me over. Ah! Looks like someone forgot to feed Max.

MAN: It's The Futurama Holiday Spectacular brought to you by...

Yuck! That's the least appetizing calzone I've ever seen. No, that's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say. Hey, hey, hey! Oh! Ow. Ow! I'm taking him home, and I'd like to see anyone try and stop me. Uh-oh. Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Aah!

Why did we wait so many years to bathe in champagne? Aaaaaaah! Father, I've discovered the shocking secret... Mother has kept from you for 200 years! No! No!

Sorry to interrupt this whirlwind of activity, but we have an announcement. I direct your attention to these forms... which I'm presently engaged in handing to you. Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg! They've taken over our company!

The truth is, I love Fry. That Fry. And I love Leela. Any Leela.

So, what's in the box already?

Just like in your folk song. Somehow everything you sang about is happening in real life. (FRY COUGHS) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you saying that guy at the apartment was some kind of exact copy of Fry? 'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer.

All my circuits will be right back after this word from... Slurm: it's highly addictive.

Shut up! For heaven's gate, Professor! This ship can do 99 percent light speed. Why are we going 35 miles an hour? Because we're in a hurry-- that's why! Plus, you have the high beams on! I can't quite read the sign.

Initiate space/time transfer! Hey!

Hey, you got me under control. FRY: Fry and Bender! A winning combination. BENDER: Let's call ourselves Frender. BOTH: Frender, Frender, Frender Frender, Frender, Frender...

I'll let you punch me for a buck.

Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. Nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship. Why, that's surprisingly noble of you, sir. No. It's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.

(ROARING) (ENGINE SPUTTERING) (SCREAMING) BENDER: God, shield your eyes! It's like Edward James Olmos on IMAX!

Hola. (PANTING) Professor, help.

People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm! Do you suffer from the heartbreak of... FRY: My underarm fungus. Then you, Mr. or Mrs... (BURPS) need the soothing relief of Mom's Caustic Anti-Fungal Bleach!

And... cut! Single female lawyer Havin' lots of sex Huh?

Wow, you're good. Five years of art school. (LAUGHS) (CRIES) Ow!

My God. It's so... repulsive. So, uh, this is where you eat? Eat and sleep. Oh, Fry! Uh, wait! Bender's my roommate.

What do you stupid voters want now?

Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis, and folks round these parts can't remember the last time a time-traveling senator attended his own birth. Back to you. Thanks, Morbo. You be careful down there.

Yes? Hi? I'm Jrrr, of the planet Omicron Persei 8. What's that? Speak up, son. Don't look at me. You're invading him. I just wanted to know... Well, I'm here to invade your planet? (LAUGHS)

Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease? What viscosity you need? (GRUNTING)

DR. ZOIDBERG: I'll be damned. It did make him a double-Yeti.

I'll kill you! Oh!

beyond the shame of defeat.

(ALL EXCLAIMING) My girls are back! Ow! Yay! Oh! So what did you like better, my love? Being a man or a woman? I don't care what parts I have,

I want my Earth shows! These local programs are completely unwatchable. Hey, Pops, want to play skull ball? I'm watching something here.

I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl. You punch me, I go down she swoons... you slip me 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her.

Timber! Hey, Bender, can I take a ride in your car? Maybe if you clean up first. It looks like your neck stepped in something. Oh, I'm sorry. That's just your body. Hey, you look me in the shins and say that.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Come in. (KISSING SOUNDS) (FRY GIGGLING) Hey, smelly-pants. Leela!

That's a complete load. Nothing's a complete load. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about, right, Professor? Let's ride.

These balls are making me testy!

How about those guys? No. They're from the Republic of French Stereotypes. Everybody hates them.

Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun.

He's much worse. He drinks and smokes and he posts naked pictures of me on the Internet. That's Bender all right. I'm talking about Flexo. Oh, I get it. This is cute. You're jealous of Bender's new friend. No, I'm not. Mark my words. Flexo's evil. He's the evil Bender.

(GROANS) So thirsty. Why couldn't a water fountain have fallen on me? I couldn't find any water, but the moisture in these fruit-and-nut berries should sustain you. Thank you. I climbed perilously high into the trees to pick them, yet I saw no sign of intelligent life. Bummer.

- Hey. If your engines work-- - And your life support systems work--

You're a delivery boy this millennium, and you'll be a delivery boy next millennium.

What the what? Oh, snap! Dude pulled a dimensional drift! I can't believe we lost them again. I need a drink. Nah. We're on the job. Let's just go pepper spray some homeless families.

Why? Hey, look. The disgusting little men are starting to sing. Grunka lunka dunkity doo

Well, at least it'll help reduce their population.

So I'm doomed to die, and I'll never even get to punch whoever's responsible? What's the point? Bender, no! Suicide isn't necessarily the answer.

Sir, you don't understand.

You suck! We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (RUMBLING) (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

He-- Help! Help! He is a battle-droid! Somebody help me! Mommy! I'm sorry I spilled the transmission fluid, Mommy. No, no! Don't weld me to the wall, Mommy!

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't, we're in trouble.

Someday I hope to win one of my own. Then you're not gonna kill us, Your Majesty? Nay. I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

This isn't a business. I've always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family. You're right, Professor. We may not be a traditional family like the Murphys next door... or the lesbian coven across the street, but we are a family.

There's no trace of Inspector 5! But 5's the one we want! Maybe if I kicked the asses of Inspector 2, plus Inspector 3... Addition never solved anything, man. Let's cut our losses and go home.

(CHUCKLING) (IN FRY'S VOICE) In your face, Leela. If you're a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you're an emperor, why don't you shut up? Move it, Fry! - Well, so long. - Wait! Point me to my normal human roommate! That's him there. Maybe.

Hi, Bender. We'd like to adopt a child. Well, you've come to the right place. Because Honest Bender's Orphanarium means discount orphans. Now, little lady, what do I have to do to send you home with 12 orphans today? Uh, I'm afraid we only want one. Whatever you say, chief. I'll show you what I got in stock. I remember this from when we were kids.

Hey, why can't we be Universe "A"? We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B," you know?

Welcome to Jurassic Tank. Picture time. Everybody get together. (ALL GRUMBLE) Hang on, I need a tripod. Let me just extend the old third leg.

Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails? I cleaned them. Now if you'll excuse me, it's my poker night, and I feel lucky.

I know, I liked it. I want to see it again.

No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites,

No, don't. You'll shred me into a zillion... It worked. But you killed the Professor. Yeah, but it worked. (YELPING) I died. I'm dead. I'm gonna die.

Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people want to hear when they first wake up. Bathroom's that way.

And so I ask you this one question: Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children and hitting them? We're just so busy. Well, make time! And cut!

So long, everyone. So, let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited? No. It's inhabited by robots. Oh, kind of like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Oh! And for dessert, cherry throat lozenge jubilee. (SNIFFS) Mmm... What a wonderful nighttime sneezing, coughing, stuffy head, so-I-can-rest dessert!

Okay. So long, Your Majesty. There but for the flip of a coin go we.

I'm not giving up yet. I am. I already did. You can count on me. Now, here's the plan. We're going to sneak onto the grounds and free that fox. Can we stop for ice cream on the way back? All right, fine. And on the way there?

But what if I forget the sweet sound of her voice, or the moist touch of her eyeball on my lips? Are you still hung up on what's-her-name? Move on already! Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always right.

I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam! We hope to see you soon for tea. It's hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can't keep up.

We'll have to hurry, he doesn't have much time! (DR. ZOIDBERG GRUNTING) (POPPING)

I just want her to like me. Well, there's always hope. Come on. We gotta go fix the plasma-fusion boiler.

Oh, Fry, I want you to make a mer-woman out of mer-me.

Yeah, I noticed your sign. I thought I'd learn a bit about your program here. What we do is make you starve to death.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Hey, buddy I'm looking for fresh slug. Yellow or purple? Whatever. The purple one causes terrible nightmarish diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, either one's fine. Hey, have you seen Fry? Now that you mention it I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes.

(SHRIEKS) I thought you said he didn't have hair.

My roommate's gone, and all he left behind was an eyelash and three skin flakes.

You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right? Ahhh! (PULSING SOUNDS)

Hooray! Bravo! You did it, Fry. Congratulations, buddy. You're a credit to my race. It was nothing. I-- Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a-- a--

for we have evolved to a higher state of consciousness. In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out.

Dork alert! After 14 years of graduate school,

Where are we, the ass? We're in the heart, better known as the love muscle.

Oh. How about some aftershave, dumpy? You big bully! You ugly nerd, enjoy a nice Guggenheim swirly! (CRASHING)

Stupid body! Why won't you go to that other stream? Nobody knows! I just told you! Goodbye! It was fun maturing with you, but at this point in my life cycle, I need a mate who's within squirting distance. I'll never forget you, fish.

Really? I have to admit, I was afraid you wouldn't make it. That was the old Fry. He's dead now. Happy birthday, Leela. I got you a card, but I guess I kind of lost it. That's okay. I don't really like cards. What I'll remember is our time together.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Ya-hoo!

Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"?

Aah! Because of you, I'll never know my parents!

Look at you guys... No offense, Fry but you've become a fat sack of crap. Sack!? And, Bender, your beer belly's so big your door won't even close and that doesn't even make sense. Come on, we're taking you pigs to the gym.

Ah, ha! Gather 'round, chumps.

Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already. This junk isn't garbage. I can dig in any random pile and find something great.

Well, we swam away and then we came back. It's been an interesting life. And the best part is, it had a happy ending. NARRATOR: And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim.

That's adorable. Ow! But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles.

No! It's unbearable!

We'll rob Bender! TV gave us the idea! You're watching Futurama, the show that does not advocate the cool crime of robbery.

This will be your standard battle to the death. The only weapons-- whatever you can find. But I warn you. Do nothing...

Would not! Oh, yeah? Then I challenge you to a romantic dinner at Elzar's tonight. It's on.

And the grand-prize winner-- the hypno-toad. All glory to the hypno-toad. Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is dumb.

Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

Well played. Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns!

What's that black cracker? A tomato. You're not gonna eat a sandwich from a truck-stop men's room, are you? Ehh, what's the worst thing that could happen? Ugh! It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up.

(LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship.

To the Science Mobile! You mean the ship? Yes. The Science Mobile! It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.

- Keep quiet so she doesn't hear us. - What's there to talk about?

Tues-- Cuckoo. Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln. I was born in two hundred log cabins. And this here is Frankie.

Nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs. How could you tell? I guessed. (YOWLS) They're at it again. Please, Fry. Girlfriends always talk trash to each other. Like how I might say I like Amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (YOWLS) Knock it off, Fry.

It appears that the very fabric of space-time has ripped. Hey, look, an ugly, scared guy. Boo! Who are you monsters? Is one of you I.C. Wiener? If that's his pizza, then I'm Icy Whatever.

My parents promised if I got all Bs, they'd buy me a bar and I got all Cs.

It's not ironic. It's just coincidental. Now, fork over those lady fingers, cookie!

so I get to hold kitty. Here, puss, puss...

but I couldn't do that to the professor. I'm his prize experiment and he's like a father to me.

No, the Ford Thunder- cougarfalconbird. Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thunder- cougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thunder- cougarfalconbird? Sorry. I'm not here to buy. I understand. It's wonderful you don't care if anyone questions your sexual orientation. I care plenty. I don't know how to make them stop.

I call my new guitar Bender Mae because Bender may be the greatest folk singer of all time! It looks pretty authentic. You bet it's authentic. See this scratch? I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang. FRY: I have a scratch, too. From where Dr. Brutaloff slashed me with his finger knives,

I own one share of Planet Kajigger, so I'm entitled to some answers. Question one: Why does no one visit me in my home? 'Cause your apartment smells like Poly Grip and cat pee! This is perfect for me!

Phew! Ladies first. Ugh! And the aftertaste.

After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist. Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women--

Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus.

The whale must have some kind of Mobius colon that endlessly recycles time and space. Yep. That stands up to scrutiny.

Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered. So, yo, we sent you a crate of weapons as a sign of trust. Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy, giant spiders. I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture.

(CHEERING) There must be something to steal on this island. Hey, it's Leela. (ALL CHEERING) Let's go home, everybody. At least the world wasn't destroyed. Yet. AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth!

Uh, Khan? Correct!

We have with us the C.E.O. of Fishy joe's Mr. Fishy joseph Gillman noted anti-eating activist, Free Waterfall, jr. and the discoverer of Popplers, Captain Taranga Leela. Taranga? That's her name, Phillip. Phillip? Fishy joe, is it wrong to eat intelligent animals?

Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake. I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions? Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News. Senator, in the last 10 seconds, I've heard reports you weren't actually born on Earth. Care to evade these compelling charges? No. I mean, yes.

Let's storm the place, without my prior knowledge. Comin' through. Freedom train. Step aside. You, too, fatso. Freedom! Cool your jowls, Nixon. You may not like it that Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag. You may even find the image of it... festering in his bowels somehow offensive.

He makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales.

YANCY SR.: Now bundle up. I don't want you getting frozen.

Bad news, friends. My shell ran.

(COUGHING) (ALL GASPING) Professor, no! You can't tongue the father of our country! Where are we? Also, when are we? 68th and Broadway, Colonial era. (BELL RINGING)

I got to check out this brochure.

There's no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample. Got a hot, steaming batch right here. We only needed one cell. Eh, keep the change, buddy.

Ten-- You really think I would've had a chance with Leela? You must choose-- the present or the future. To save yourself or save Leela. One!

Don't wave your fancy degrees at me. I recognize all this stuff. Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli, and that's-- Yes? Pizza delivery for a Mr. Seymour Asses.

Don't wanna talk about anything else We don't wanna know We're dedicated, yes To Our favorite shows All My Circuits! Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad! Scary Door! Blernsday Night Blernsball!

Got ya! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Shoot him! He's choking me! No, shoot him! He's choking me! I don't know which one to shoot.

These pictures are just as good as the ones in my celebrity tabloid. LEELA: Us People Magazine? That's total trash. Total celebrity trash. My inquiring organ wants to know. If you ask me,

Oh, stupid TV. Bender. You're blind stinking sober. That's right. I'm sober and crazy and I don't know what I might do. Don't do it. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, yeah, now I remember.

I don't feel good. Chew on this! What-ho! Take that, you twit! No, stop it!

We're gonna love being each other, you sexy ion!

We don't know why the Professor keeps you around here, and we don't care. You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again! Dr. Zoidberg! I want to see you right now! The time has come, my friend.

The C.I.A. Cafeteria menu for the week of May 15 is as follows. Monday, shepherd's pie. Tues-- Cuckoo. Let me guess. He thinks he's Lincoln? Well, he's supposed to. The problem is, he's got multiple personalities-- all of 'em Lincoln.

- Oh, man. - Uh... In the name of all that is good and logical we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb. To quote the Prophet jerematic "One-zero-zero-zero "One-zero-one-zero- one-zero-one-zero-one...

I'll just ask those people for directions. Mutants!

Did you see it? Did you see it? The explosion? No, not the explosion!

Out of cream! Oh, uh, okay. Would you like sugar in your coffee? Yes, uh, eight spoons. Out of coffee! Uh, Leela, I think there might be something wrong with the coffee machine. How do you like me now?! The toaster's not working right either.

Found dead in her bathtub.

$30, please. $30? I can't afford that. Unless-- Do you take Visa? Visa hasn't existed for 500 years. American Express? 600 years. Discover Card? Mmm, sorry, we don't take Discover. Hey... he's springing for Lightspeeds? Pretty ritzy.

In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel. Wow, creativity's hard work. (SLURPING NOISILY) Ah! You know my favorite part of your song? The part where it ended. (LAUGHS) Then settle in, 'cause that's about a half hour from now.

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Enough with the questions, More weight! More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight.

Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with Bender! Down with-- Bender! Down with Bender!

yet the pain was so intense that it felt to him like 15 years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels. We now commend Fry's body to the ages.

You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century. No way. We've got so much in common. We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity?

This place is crawling with yous! So there's more Benders around. As far as I'm concerned, that's good news. Bad news, everyone. Look at this infinite series representing the mass of successive generations of Benders.

Whoo-hoo! We live to suck another day!

It's not a big deal. I get so lonely.

Yancy, stealing is wrong.

Maybe there's another way.

Aww, man! Amy, my love, tell me. Are they making it to the water? - Amy! - Shoo!

Did what? Just practicing for later. Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor. (SIGHS) Instead of making the ship faster,

Here's to another lousy millennium. Five, four, three, two-- Waaah! What the--

Stop it. Stop it. It's fine. I will destroy you!

Calculon! But I thought you were-- Egyptian?

Maybe we should stick with people we know and trust.

Than their literal intention Now that is irony

No! The elders have spoken. Show us the killing skills that have made you a media darling. Do it now. Kill them before they bring down our whole society. Do it. Do it. Do it.

But you could get a new body! You could have a rich, full life! I am trying to have a rich, full life! Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING)

And so we say "good-bye" to our beloved pet, Nibbler who's gone to a place where I, too, hope one day to go-- The toilet.

You're all fired. Good-bye, friends. I'll miss you. Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one. Yes, yes, let's all talk to Zoidberg. Hey-- So, Zoidberg... what's new?

Fate is a freaky mistress. Much like the chief. Look out! Something's not right. I refuse to believe it. Rewind. (DOORBELL RINGS) Ooh!

Uh... uh... Oh, my various gods, X-ray specs! Guys, uh, I swear those are prescription. I need them for reading stuff... on the other side of stuff. You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

Sorry, Randy. Ah! Step away from the car, and no one gets hurt! (GROANS) To the employment cave!

Enough with the tenderizing. It's time for a Benderizing. Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number.

You're paying for that.

Let me pick up the check. No! That's it! I'm getting the hell out of here!

Who are you people?

I say! Most ungentleman-like! Mr. Brainley, what news have you of the London season? Well-- Hey, brainey! Think fast! I always think fast.

(HORN HONKING) I am Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! I demand extra dipping sauce! How many? I don't know. Two? Welcome to Fishy Joe's.

Ew! My God! The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc.

Tv party tonight Whaa-- Tv party tonight ooh! We've got nothing better to do Than watch tv and have A couple of brews Don't wanna talk about anything else

We'll meet your roommate next, shall we? His name is Malfunctioning Eddie. The car dealer? Wow. I guess his prices really were insane. He's very excitable. So don't say anything to surprise him.

But then, 70 years ago today... Good news, Mom. I've invented a new children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers." When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes. Meow.

Long live Robo-Hungary! (GROANING) (SCREAMING) Me! Thank God you've come!

(ALL GASPING) Fry! (SOBBING) Lrrr! You were willing to shoot that bossy temptress!

Hopes deleted. Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh!

(TWO BEEPS) (BEEPS BLARE)

Wait here and earn interest while I find my robot body. Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it. Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away.

with your tax rebate. We're like two dandelion seeds wafting on the breeze. Yes. Seeds. Wafting. I almost feel kinda shallow for blowing my rebate on this cool talking tattoo. Hey, Gordon Gekko! I cost as much as this whole crummy date! Shut up-- Oww!

(ALL SCREAMING)

That was a good... (LAUGHING) (POWER SURGING) Huh? For God sakes, Bender, keep dancing! Keep whooping it up! (POWERING DOWN) You must burn off the doomsday energy as fast as it's produced, or it will build to critical levels!

Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now? Hello, Fry. just dropped by to make sure you're as happy with our little deal as I am. Oh, g-give me back my hands!

Leela! You're worthless, and no one will ever love you! You used to say that all the time. Ah! Those were happier days.

Give me all your change! And a box of snickerdoodles! (SCREAMING) (BENDER CRYING) (SIREN BLARING)

Oh, never mind this. In case I'm about to die, I just want you to know that I did polish my ass with your toothbrush. Thanks for telling me, buddy. And to be honest, I am jealous of how shiny your ass is, and sometimes at night, I unpolish it with sandpaper. Oh, I trust you.

Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips. Like this! Ow! Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers.

Wh-Wh-Whoa! Come on, Bender! Pump harder! Harder! I'm trying as hard as I can. Harder, damn you!

How could Flexo have stolen the atom? He must have used a sleep ray on me. Sleep rays exist in the future, right? No. Mmm. Then I must have fallen asleep. Well, you were sure right about Flexo being evil. I locked down the exits, but he may have already gotten away. Okay, thanks, Bender. Let's fan out and look for him.

He's developed Simpsons Jaundice. Ay, caramba! His only hope is some replacement liver. Yours looks like a good match. Well, if it'll help Fry... Careful, Leela! He knows less about human anatomy than I do. And I can't even find my own uterus. You may feel a slight sawing.

Now, your basic human is between three and 25 feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a T-shirt.

Evans, where is that package from Earth? Uh-- I'm not Evans! He should have used Planet Express.

Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender? Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? I'll have to check my program.

We seem to be experiencing technical difficulties and crap like I've never seen. People of Earth, I am Lurr of the planet Omicron Persei I Eight. Turn down the TV, Ndunda.

In the Great Monkey Desert. (TV TURNS ON) MORBO: We interrupt your TV being off for this special bulletin. An alien saucer has been detected en route to Earth. We now go live to the White House lawn, where such things usually land.

Oh! I hate that rodent. Fry, that monkey is my most important experiment.

I wish I had Bender back! Wish I had Bender back. Huh? Hey-- What? You say something? N-No. No. Well, so long. Remember what we talked about.

Hey, the blues. The tragic sound of other people's suffering. That's kind of a pick-me-up.

I am one hungover cryogenicist. just throw that mutt in the freezer till his owners get here. You can't solve all your problems by freezing them, boss. I think you're forgetting our motto. Are you the cryogenicist who called about our son's dog? Ohh. You must be the Frys. Yeah, he's right over there.

There was a hit-and-run by the Robot Porno Theater. Robot Porno Theater? I was in that... general area last night. Whoever ran me down out on the moors must've followed me back here. Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big hallucinating baby. Yeah?

Now, Ms. Leela, on the date in question were you or were you not wearing a hoopskirt? That's a stupid question. What matters is Zapp Brannigan is the sorriest captain I've ever seen and I saw the idiot blow up DOOP headquarters with my own eye.

C-SPAN9 presents the Thrill of Politics. - Wha-- - Huh?

U-turn! U-turn! We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets. No, we're not, you little bed wetter! Oops, I'm sorry.

I used to work in this exact pizzeria. And for your information, lady, this was not just used to paddle my butt. It was also used to move pizzas and crush rats.

So next time you see a lowly salamander,

No! Mr. Peppy just wants to be our friend. Oy! Look, I know he's ugly, and kind of corrosive, but we can't murder someone just 'cause he's hideous and annoying. That's what we said about Zoidberg, and look where that got us. Amy has a point. Mr. Peppy's not like Zoidberg. He's my friend. Aw...

Bender has a little more up his sleeve.

If I understand ice fishing, and I'm pretty sure I don't, we'll need to laser-blast a hole in the ice. No, no crazy technology. Here, Bender, use your immense robot strength to drill a hole the old-fashioned way. I don't see any irony in that.

See you in a thousand years.

(WHISTLING) Uh-oh. Not the innocent whistling. (DOORBELL CHIMES) Repent! This guy. (EXCLAIMING) INEZ: Look, we're your family, and if you can't talk about your problem with us,

Pay dirt! Hyah! Here you go, big spender.

Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company. Go satisfy your bend lust, and don't you come back to work until you do! No more bending! No more work! Give us a raise, you big fat jerk!

You'll be crawlin' with us again. Ever wonder what makes "special sauce" so special? Yo.

Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over. Many people dream of a fresh new look and Mary Kay can make those dreams come true. Look at this! They found those same rubbery tracks right here in New New York.

(WOMEN GROANING)

I wonder why it did that. Probably magnets. Shut up, Hawking!

Whoo-hoo! Ha! Whoa! Schman, the great rad spot is mega-sweet for party boarding. - Indeed. - Any calls while I was out?

Although it's really quite a nice portrait. The contrast is exquisite. And the composition sublime. I look spectacular. Aw, man. My great photo only made his ego bigger.

Wait-- I'm really sorry, guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died. Good riddance. What about my service?

Oh, come on! Oh, fix it. Hey, what happened to the TV? It just went out. This is an outrage. I'm going to go yell at the manager. All right! Come back, Bender! It's working! To reiterate, my terrible secret is...

What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners.

What? I would never help you commit your perverted crimes against nature! My marigolds! Thanks to that DNA sample you generously donated while locked in my tower, my beanstalks now have suction cups to keep them from collapsing. That's horrible!

Are you suggesting that any verdict I reach is simply the output of a pre-programmed... Computation complete. Not guilty!

Oh, wait. Chlorine. Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat. F-F-Focus!

Stop it! Stop it! Hey, cut that out!

Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

Whoa, mama. Get a room, you two. We're in a room! Well, then, lose some weight. Oh, yeah, you women's libbers really know how to party.

I can finally afford my speech therapy. And the health plan covers my generic Prozac. Electricity, plumbing, our lives are a jillion times better. And it's all thanks to you, Leela. Don't thank me. I should be punished.

It's no use. The tar is too thick. Plus, I think i flooded it. Well, we missed the premiere, and we're gonna die. Might as well enjoy the sights. Oh, my God. Sylvester Stallone!

Ah! Just like my dad used to make until McDonald's fired him. Bite my red-hot glowing ass. Wait a minute. Red-hot glowing ass! I'll be right back. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

In a stunning turnabout, voters have approved Proposition Infinity. Robosexual marriage is now legal.

A sexy vamp to distract and tie up the guard. Never! A claw man to slip past the metal detector and cut the alarm wires. Sorry, I'm set for life after that last job. And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested.

Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy Freedom, freedom, freedom Oy There's no denying it. The future's crazy. Don't want to stand out.

$1,200? Holy zombie jesus! We don't have that kind of money especially not Zoidberg. They took away my credit cards. Okay, okay, wait.

(WHIMPERING) I won't be gone long, Seymour. Just wait here until... (WHIMPERS) Hold on. This is my dream. You don't have to wait here. Shrink down and get in my pocket. (BARKING) Okay, let's ride. Hey, we can't all fit on that bike.

Perfect! You've gotta tell me. You're not actually attracted to Calculon, right? And if you are, don't tell me. Are you? Certainly not. But just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Is that so much to ask?

At night it's called the moon. Ugh! All this heat has rendered me parched. Which of these doo-whackies dispenses horchata. Stop! That's the force field holding the mine open!

Hey! (YELLS) Leggo my eggo, crabbo! Stop it, Fry. That's sexual harassment! Yeah, come down off your round, white pulpit. You're just going to eat that thing anyway.

What are those worms doing to Fry's brain? They're giving it a complete tune-up. A cursory glance would suggest they've doubled his thinking power.

Welcome to Hollywood. I must warn you-- There's no refund if you get discovered and leave the tour. I'm just kidding. That never happens. Now, to your right, you'll see 30th Century Fox studios.

I'm Scruffy, the janitor. Yes, of course you are. Now, we've got to buckle down and save Planet Express. I'm on break.

If you're done saving me from the fire monster from the sun, I'll be on my way. I guess some grown men just don't like being carried. Thank you, Bender. You brought me right to the lava pit.

"Soothing action, action, action, action."

Here we go. Just unhook it and get the remote. So many hooks. Come on, Farnsworth. Drat! The first one's back on again! I give up. Wait! Victory!

And you smell like one, too. Hey! What about this? Bender you were supposed to be cooking for this party. Fine. We'll have rack of Nibbler.

And the good news keeps on coming.

So? I'm just as important as him. It's just that the kind of importance I have, it doesn't matter if I don't do it. Oh! I'm nobody.

Well, Big Caboose was a steel-drivin' son of a gun Till a bad-hearted woman he spied But, Bender, I never spied no bad-hearted woman. In my song you did, a temptress named, I don't know, Jezebel. Wow, creativity's hard work.

The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg.

Here goes. It's gone! The whole place has been cleaned out! Yancy stole my clover! That thief! How do you know it didn't disintegrate? Everything else in here held up okay. Except Sports by Huey Lewis.

Could you do it someplace else? I'm setting up Seymour's doggie bed.

And that's how I got this scar above my eye. And this fork inside my lung. That's a doozy. Hey, look at this. I can pull my thumb off. Stop, Shabba-doo, you're freaking me out. Don't let him get your nose. (ALL LAUGHING)

Hey, you guys are good. How the hell do you do that?

And it's mandatory! Ah! The exact center of the Atlantic Ocean.

Welcome! To the world of tomorrow!

Uh, not right now. I'll remind you later, you hot stud you. So, uh, what do you feel like doing?

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where have you blokes been? You nearly missed elevenses. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Who's for tea and shmavouries?

Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Oh! Ah! Get off of me. Stop. How interesting, Dr. Zoidberg. Do go on. Hey, check out the palm tree. It only gets sick when I cook brunch. How's that for a coincidence, Professor, with all your precious science?

Aw, it's true. My circuitry's 12 years out of date. I can't keep up with today's high-speed, top-of-the-line kids! You can't even keep up with me, and I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback. You know, I might be able to speed up your reflexes by overclocking you. Uh, what's that, sonny?

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

But it's written in Alienese, so no one on Earth can translate it.

I can and will. Hey, I could have done that if you'd asked me. I asked you five minutes ago. You call that a kiss? I'll show you!

Good morning, class. I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam.

Invalid selection. Yo, what are you talking about? Anchovies. You know... those little headless fish?

You can crush me, but you can't crush my spirit! Oh, my spirit!

Kind of lonely, though? Maybe? I was never lonely. Not even for a minute.

"Fascinating, Captain. And logical too. Yet we need some help."

At our network, we love filth-- filthy rich, that is-- being filthy rich, that is! "Bite my shiny metal ass" could be a catch phrase! 80% likely!

Perhaps, but let's see how they feel about your new persona-- The Gender Bender. You'll be the most unpopular robot fighter since Sergeant Feces Processor.

some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long! Whoo! Yea! My buddy's home! And his respect for women is back to normal.

LEELA: Oops. I can't make out a thing. Well, I guess you should have had two eyes.

Whew. Oh, it'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm going to get sweat on my sweat suit. Hey, tell me something. You've got all this money. How come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?

a 90-degree bend-- to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment. Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote. We all need a new angle on life Bender, you've gotta help us.

Ah, the famed Apollo Theater. Boo me off stage on open-mike night, huh? I'll show you. Hey, I called this city. Quit touching my stuff. Tell it to the claw. Bite my colossal metal ass.

And a tornado. Oh! I'll never pass inspection now. They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get. Aw, hey, come on, don't worry. We'll watch you clean up. It's too late.

Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please, oh, please! You didn't even refrigerate it, you spineless lobster!

Scram, you lousy green snakes!

Oh, ho-ho. The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. Thanks, but I'm not technically human. Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela, either. The key to victory is discipline and that means a well-made bed.

Lot of weather we're having. Allow me, my lady. (UNZIPPING) Shall we go a-trousering? Fry, I appreciate the gallantry, but isn't this a bit much? You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love.

That's all? But-- Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

Give it to me straight, Professor. Is it fin rot? It's fin rot, isn't it?

What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty.

What do you mean I'm not registered? My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name! Yes, but Robonia sounds like something somebody made up on the spot. Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah.

(BLOWS TRUMPET)

That was great! And no one suspects a thing.

This is the moment we were training for all yesterday afternoon. And now for the battle plan.

(ROOSTER CROWING) (ALL YAWNING)

(CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked.

To the ship! Why don't you just walk? He was only about 20 yards from here. Madam, I am in command now. Such a man. I'd follow him to hell and back, I would.

What are you doing? Spluh, it's a video-phone.

Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!

So... how's business? Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore? I'm telling you losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day. Yeah. It's pathetic, all right.

just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR. And then later, I found out he was taking drugs.

Alas, no. Seeing what I once was filled me with regret. You could always undo your implants. Regret that I still have one human part. That meat puppet disgusts me. It's time for the ultimate upgrade. But the only thing you haven't upgraded is your brain. Exactly.

I love the future! Uh, Fry, you're in the women's steam room. Ah... futuristic. Psst. Look what life was like before genetic engineering. Those poor 20th-century women. Hey, handsome... Is there room in there for two?

We're talking about robosexual marriage. We're talking about lots of stuff.

So I boarded you, huh? Uh, what happened next? You started this stupid court-martial! Now if you don't mind, we're still fighting Melllvar.

Bender, you blew out your excess capacity. You're cured! Sweet mercy! My hellish nightmare is over! I never have to party again. Well, that's that then. We're back, everyone!

And I guess now maybe I can get to know the real Lucy Liu. Yeah, at our wedding. It's true. Bender and I are in love. But-- But-- Don't be a prude, Fry. Mmm! Boy!

Hey, he needs a nickname, right? Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one! How about Blotto? It's gritty, it's got street-cred Plus, I can keep my monogrammed slippers. Good thinking. Hey!

Sorry. I don't know what came over me.

Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough. Hey, the usual, Professor Hawking? No, today I'd like something good. Hawking, you're all right. I'll make you the usual. Hey, Stephen Hawking. Aren't you that physicist that invented gravity?

all thanks to a nutter known as Wrong-Way Revere. The British are coming by land, by land. But we came by sea, we did. Surprised the Yanks at Lexington, ending the rebellion with nary a kipper scuffed.

Little to the right... there you go.

Patriotism, good. Where is it? Kenya. Cradle of humanity.

MORBO: Welcome to Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonite!

And the winner of the big car race is Hot Rod Zoidberg!

Ahh, beer. So many choices-- and it makes So little difference.

(BOTH GASP) - What was that? I don't know... But I'm scared. Well, maybe we just need some rest. We can get married in the morning. Except there won't be morning. We can worry about that in the morning.

Fifty years, Junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow. Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle. You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back?

Ah, I just need sleep. I had nightmares all night about cars running people over.

Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.

And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders. Duh... that's for sure.

Bender? Bender?! Have you seen my sombrero?

Uh-oh. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes I'll kill you, Amy. She'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain, she'll be--

Here, I'll show you how it works. Really? This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing. There. Give it a try.

Hey, I'm snagged. It's not snagged. The mechano-man has caught something.

I am gazing into the spirit world, and nothing. You said something about a buffet? I'm right here, you lazy shyster. Wait, I'm sensing something. (GASPS) I'm rich.

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? I'd love to, but first I have to perform surgery. That's my joke. I'll kill you! Oh!

His song is coming true somehow. Oh, my God, reality is infringing Bender's copyright.

By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat. So, how long will it take?

That's the great thing about that hand. And what about these funky table legs? It's like they're from some other, funkier painting. Maybe da Vinci painted over something else. It's called a pentimento. That's true, Dr. Zoidberg. How did you know that? My doctorate is in art history.

Faster! We're all going to die, aren't we? Oh, I should think so. Although, last time aliens invaded all they did was force the most intelligent of us to pair off and mate continuously. Oh, yes.

- (SCREECHES) - (SCREAMING) Quick, in here! (GRUNTING) (PANTING) We'll be safe in this utter darkness. (LOW GROWLING)

But wouldn't almost anything make a better battery than a human body? Like a potato? Or a battery? Plus, no matter how much energy they produced, it would take more energy than that to keep them alive. I know, I know. It sounds absurd. In fact, when The Matrix first came out, it seemed like the single crummiest,

I can't believe we flew halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam just to get lunch for that stupid animal. He's pending for a bending.

Right. And this one? Um... a grayish blob? Not as right that time. It looks like you might have some mild corneal irritation. Nice try, little boy. You may have your textbook knowledge and your real diploma but I have more skill in my little claw than you have in your whole carapace.

Sorry, Hermes, I drank all your Wite-Out. (LAUGHING) Once I log in, I can access Inspector 5's profile.

Huh? Hey! Tubes? You're older than you said you were. Come closer, Bender. Let's become one. I prefer two. That way, we can still be a horse for Halloween.

Why isn't this jacket in alphabetical order? What? The zipper. It should be at the bottom.

Um. Maybe. Whatever we are, I'm the leader of it.

You're no femputer. You're a fembot!

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (WHISPERING)

Good morning, lover. Uh... listen, Zapp-- Now you're officially my woman. Kudos. I can't say I don't envy you. Zapp, last night was a mistake. A sexy mistake.

Ah! Perfect timing. I just turbocharged the ship's matter compressor. What's the matter compressor? Nothing's the matter, Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor. (SIGHS) Instead of making the ship faster,

Oh, my hair! (SCREAMING) Lot of weather we're having.

Not Penelope. Cute or not, I'll kill that robo-rat.

In other news, our city's filthy, urine-soaked walls have been desecrated by a mysterious tile-work graffiti artist. Police have no leads as to who's behind this innovative scourge of public art. (CHUCKLING VICIOUSLY)

Hey, Bender. Here's an exhibit about Mom's favorite robot. Who is he?! I'll kill him!

we have a duty to take action. Idiot.

Come on, Fry. I really wanna see it. You know how I yearn for a simpler time...

A few drops will cause the inner perfection... of any dish to blossom forth. There goes my... life.

Now, where is this alleged apparition? (GASPS) Might be a problem with your circuit breaker. See you. Please, I'm under constant attack by machinery. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't even think.

A dirty, filthy slob. Dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty! What the hell's going on? I thought you were anti-dirty, not pro-dirty. I'm surrounded by neat freaks every day. There's nothing kinkier to me than a filthy slop jock like you. Oh, stop.

I don't feel well.

Uh, by the way, I broke your bed. You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening. But when they noticed that you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch. So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000? You wish. You're in Los Angeles.

Death to the men! Death by snu-snu!

I just pray they like me half as much as I do. I agreed to be your vice president, but I never agreed to be your son.

Ooh. I'm going to need to make some room. And here is where I dream my lonely dreams and cook my simple meals. It's all so sad. What happened to our people?

Well, good night. I had a great time. How about a lift... to your place? What? Admit it. You felt somethin' for me tonight. And by "me" I mean Flexo. Hey, look, I had fun, but-- - But? - But--

For years, I've collected personal data with old-fashioned methods, like spybots and info-squitos. This guy sure loves porno. But now, thanks to Twitcher, morons voluntarily spew out every fact I need to exploit them! Target acquired, Mother. Fire direct marketing algorithm!

things will now happen just as I fake predicted.

For centuries, you've ridiculed me. Especially you, Biff. Nice hat! (ALL WHOOPING) But, at long last, this invention will show you. It will show you all! Behold, my unstoppable doomsday machine!

(GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him!

Oh, wait. Let's go. Ooh. Hmm? Whoa-ho-ho. Whoo. Yeah...

My whole life has just been a show for some perverted mutant. They must be in here. Yeah, capture them! And then Bender ran. Leela, freak out later. We're not done escaping yet.

And if you survive, we'll make sweet love.

A fashionable tank top, and designer boots encrusted with jewels. Don't stop now. You'll need some pants to go with that outfit. Yeah. And I could afford it all if I didn't have to feed that stupid Nibbler. Bender is back. I'll save you, Nibbler.

Those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate. I'm not sure if I can... Move it. I've got to get home and do laundry. (ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST) For God's sake, censor it! Censor it!

My Tanqueraydar is going crazy. (BEEPING GETTING FASTER) Ha, ha. Thought you could get away from me? You lose again, you stupid intoxicant. (FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

Fast cars... trendy nightspots... beautiful Women-- The professor designed them all working out of his tiny one-room apartment. For 50 years, he worked at Mom's Friendly Robot Company where he created the First robot capable of qualifying for a boat loan. And now, even as he nears his 150th birthday,

do these things actually work? Of course not, stupid! I mean, that flying machine's as aerodynamic as a sofa! How could it possibly get off the ground? In a way thou shalt never discover! (ALL GASP) Hi, Animatronio. I feign death and stalk thee,

So long, suckers!

Don't worry. Everything went fine. - Better than usual. - We got medals. Good work, team. We really pulled together on this one. Whoo-hoo! They got medals.

In this time of crisis, I call upon the soylent... I mean, silent majority. (ALL CHEERING) (ALL SCREAMING) Still good.

Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor.

Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for. I was miserable as a genius and as a monkey, I was so dumb I tried to wear a hat on my butt. There's just no place for me in this world.

The loot! The loot! The loot is on fire! Leela! My precious rock dove! I'll save you! Aah! Everyone, to the fire door!

Per your orders, I modified my mirror... to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse at the Galapagos. Every robot will be instantly and painfully terminated. Now for your part of the bargain. Ah-roo, very well. Agnew, you belong to Wornstrum now.

Mmm-hmm. We been getting it on. Right there in your chair. I'm like, "Oh, baby! Oh, baby!" And she's like, "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

What are you? Some kind of galactic computer? Possible. I am user-friendly, my good chum.

Blast off! Happy New Year! Fire. Fire! I can't see nothin'. Pretty, though.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap.

Hold still, damn it! I don't have good depth perception. You've got to the count of five to let me out of here. One... See you in a thousand years.

And then when I feel so stuffed I can't eat any more, I just use the restroom and then I can eat more. You should write a book, Fry. People need to know about the-- can eat more.

(IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage! Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. I'm off to laugh at the Reaper. (WHOOPING)

Whatever. I harbor no resentment against her.

Any effect? (SCREAMING) (RETCHING) Sorry. I tried to scream but I barfed. (SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant.

Well, why couldn't you just ask me? We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

Well, could I at least get some encouragement? I could use a shot in the arm. (GUNFIRE) I got shot in the leg! Roberto! What are you doing here? What? A fella can't drop in on old friends and hold them hostage? I'm good. And you?

That's not urine. It's oil. Impossible. I'm triple-sealed to prevent any chance of... (SHRIEKS) You call that an ink defense? (EXCLAIMS) Goodbye, friends.

Now, just a minute. These are important issues. We can't just reduce them to sound bytes. (ALL BOOING) According to reputable scientists... (ALL BOOING)

This time, it's business.

Worshippers? This oughta liven up my endless, tragic voyage!

Ow! Um, hi, Angleene. Whatcha up to? Makin' hangers. Guidance counselor said I had a knack for it.

Hey, why weren't you Kong Donkeys outside cleaning up? They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... and eating penguin eggs. You ate most of them. So, where's Captain Bender?

Fan beats man! Is anything not a robot? I'm not a robot.

Because I don't want you touching that thing. I know that. Surrender your mysteries to Zoidberg.

A grand slam blern! The Mets lose! Their season is over,

j'accuse. Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must be the robot designed for bending. I know how to settle this. We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Surveillance? What tapes? You've seen me naked? Ah! Last night's tape. It was right next to "Bathroom Bloopers Four."

Look out for the next thing!

B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! B-e-n-d-e-r Bender! Saying B... E-n... Der! Mail call!

Look at these fabulous ruins-- Turner Field, the Coca-Cola bottling plant the, uh... the airport. But, tell us, how could a city with such a... fabulous airport end up underwater?

and cram Manhattan back into its rightful hole. This may hurt a little.

I'm half-crazy All for the Love of you

Listen to the smart robot.

Your Honor, if we could locate Bender Rodriguez, he would testify that my clients acted without malice. No, he wouldn't. Bender doesn't care about us anymore. (ALL GASP) Someone used to care about me? Hooray! In that case, the jury will begin its deliberations.

So, what's in the box already? No peeking! I don't know what's in there, but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it. Oh! You hurt my collator! I don't care. Listen well.

Come on, Fry! Die with dignity! A-ha! Oops.

(ALL SCREAMING) He's here for revenging, that's why! No! Wait! I'm here to apologize. For your looks? (LAUGHING) Nice one. Well, yes, actually, it is sort of related to that. Can we talk? Grabbing your spaceship was not okay.

In any case, I've hidden the box, and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil. Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart.

Who wants to go to an amusement park? Well, I guess that sounds okay. Have a good time. Hey, I heard your friend Bender is back. What? Really? No. I just thought you would enjoy that for a moment.

Oh, it's just a card! From the orphanarium I grew up in. Oh! Leela, you're invited to a reunion... at Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium.

Duh, gee, Bender, how're you gonna get through these bars? I don't know, moron. Suppose I bend 'em? Duh, okay. - Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids!

Grandpa's making up crazy stories again. I'm not your grandpa. You're my uncle. From the year 2000! Okay, grandpa, we'll take care of the bad worms. Don't you worry.

Why don't you come on over sometime And have ourselves a really good time Talk about whatever inside

Calculon's gonna kill us for sure, and it's all everybody else's fault. Oy. All I wanted was for people to think of me one last time before I die. What are you talking about, Uncle? Everybody remembers Harold Zoid. As a pathetic has-been, they remember me.

What kind of cheese filling you want in that? All kinds.

Duh! I have to draw in pencil, 'cause I don't know how to use rendering software.

I just pray they like me half as much as I do.

You did it, Johnny. I'm cured! (ALL GASP)

All right. That's a wrap, everybody. I'm gonna see you all at the premiere, which, by the way, when is? Well, editing is a long and expensive process, but we spent all the money on pies, so it'll be ready Friday.

ALL: Aw! Aw! Damn, they are good. (ALL GRUNTING) We're coming to a full stop. All cats, to your posts!

Uh, yes? Absolutely. (GRUNTING) There it is again. Leave my wife alone, you glimmer.

A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

(SNIFFS) (BUZZER SOUNDS)

Stop that Red Menace! I'm all scuttled out. Wha--

You, minion, lift up my arm. After him! Well, everyone, prepare to get your guts kicked out by folk singers.

But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe. Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take. Then Zoidberg walks right in because he's invisible. (ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work. Over here with the donut. But the money's not invisible.

We were afraid you would refuse. Of course not. I love the future. Then why are you choking me right now? Because I don't like being used.

In my professional opinion as an ear, ear, ear, nose and throat doctor, she is the least mutated mutant ever born.

Not when I have my antique videos my bucket of fossilized KFC and $50 million worth of anchovies.

I hate partying. If only I didn't have so much crunk in my badonkadonk. Yeah. Come on, baby.

Good thing I had this net installed for catching giraffes.

Stop illin'. Word. Well, I'd like to see you try to steal this-- the septuple head spin. He's just scratchin'. No one's ever done more than a quadruple. Oh, yeah? Noticeably F.A.T., rewind the tape.

Unacceptable wardrobe malfunction! I was referring to Adam and Eve.

I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.

You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. You can count on me. No, we can't. Once on Earth, you will be too stupid to remember the message.

Yo, Leela, what gives? Pig says your slop tastes like crap. Yeah, like crap. Come on, Leela. You deserve better than this guy. Dump him already. I'm trying.

I'd only met the defendant, Fry, once, but I knew he was up to no good. Please use the beeps. Oh!

Crazy upstairs lady must have been shooting down. Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am. Sir, sir, put down the lamp. Okay, okay. I'm cooperating.

People, it's far, far worse than we thought. My fish got away.

What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person! How much is that place mat actually worth, Branigan? Exactly $1 billion. Now, that's walkin'-around money.

If we're going to get blown to bits we may as well do it in the comfort of our own home.

Oh, you're right. I'm a lost cause.

(MACHINE GUN FIRING) BENDER: Missed me! (GROANS) (TRUCK BEEPING) (HORN PLAYING FUNERAL MARCH) (TIRES SCREECHING)

(GROANING LOUDLY) It was just after we crashed.

As luck would have it, I saved the chips from my previous crew. This is awesome. Are we going to fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to love? If by that you mean transporting cargo, then yes.

Hello? I'd like to volunteer. Is anyone lurking? (GRUNTING) Hey, stop that.

Three, two, one.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun. (CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song!

Hello! Pizza delivery! For, uh... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. I always thought by this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

and we'll do anything we can for you! Play Whip It! No. Play the other one. (PLAYING BEAUTIFUL WORLD) It's a beautiful world we live in A sweet romantic place Beautiful people everywhere

Game over! Phil wins! Yancy's fans are stunned! There'll be no celebration at the Yancydome!

I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here. I'll just take off my pants and give you those.

I am shocked, shocked! Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo.

No, wait! There must be a peaceful-- Hold him down. Check. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

In other news, celebrated business consultant Dan McMasters was last seen two weeks ago. And authorities are now calling his disappearance a homicide. We can't ever tell anyone what really happened.

Keep it up and I might just get you your own pair of clamps, huh? The clamps-- Clamps, clamps, clamps.

What's your problem? I miss Nibbler. You do? Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings. Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Mmm! Mmm! Wait. A pie with hobo-lifting aroma? Who baked it? Helmut Spargle. He used to be the greatest chef ever. His restaurant was so high-tone, the only way to get reservations... was to create a parallel universe where you already had reservations.

He didn't even try to second-degree murder me.

Now with the horror hair.

Ta-da! (ALL CHEERING) (ALL MURMURING)

Hello, everyone.

Huh? Kill! Kill! Kill!

Welcome acknowledged.

Well, how are they? Oh, they're great. They're like sex, except I'm having them. You know what these would go great with? Rocks.

No. No! Oh! (ALL EXCLAIMING IN SURPRISE) Hey, Calculon's dead. What happened? Did you save us, Leela? Actually, no. For once, it was Bender. Really? Well, thanks for whatever you did, Bender.

The stock's only worth three kajiggers!

I'll sell a second wave of robots to protect the terrified survivors of the first wave. Oh, you're a genius, Hubert. But, but... It's just a prototype. It's not fully operational. Yes. Then get back to work! And when you're done with that, invent me some sort of swiveling surprise chair.

Ooh, a six-pack of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I help myself. No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie. Say what? In the glorious robot workers' paradise there will be no liquor, only efficient synthetic fuels.

Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender. Hey, Bender.

I don't feel well It's up to us to rescue him Maybe he likes it here in hell it's us who tempted him to sin Maybe he's back at the motel Come on, Fry, don't be scared I'm sure at least one of us will be spared So just sit back, enjoy the ride My ass has blisters from the slide

See, buddy, it's not so scary. I feel better now.

Then one night when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts. I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I did what I always do in those situations. Oh, Lord! I flipped a coin. It came up heads, and we went out. You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.

Come, Kiff, let's eject. I found a children's space suit you can wear.

Oh! Thank you, thank you. (TRUMPETING) (ANIMALS GROWLING) Uh. How you get frozen?

I don't know how you did that.

Oh, my head! My precious head!

Your best friend is out there somewhere destroying himself.

Ah, man! This stinks! Madam is outraged! Security! I want that bunch of rowdies out of here!

Wake up, buddy. End of the line.

And nappster says illegal copies never hurt anybody. Quick! This way. Sorry, ladies. Employees only.

Damn. You guys were totally out of control. That's our job. We're peace officers. Yeah, you know the law-- You gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, we're trapped.

What? No, no, of course not. Good. 'Cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful.

FARNSWORTH: Now here's something we can all agree on. The Stardoz 2293. Not for everybody, but you pull it off. Please don't pull it off. Yo, Squidward Scissorhands, you got this in an adult robot medium?

Our next category is Best Newcomer on a Bicycle.

Huh? You were gone?

Maybe da Vinci painted over something else. It's called a pentimento. That's true, Dr. Zoidberg. How did you know that? My doctorate is in art history.

our Sith Overlords! Yeah! Yes! Hot diggity. I mean, (IMITATES DARTH VADER) supreme diggity. ALL: Good war, good war, good war...

Oh, no. No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you. That's sweet, Hermes. Maybe I should get an extendo-arm. How long will it take to install an extendo-arm?

In fact, Slurms has to party all night, every night or he's fired. Rock on. But before the party you're all in for a funderful treat.

What the-- What's this water made of, ice? Forget this!

Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not?

All right, Alcazar. I just have one last question for you. What's that? If you could change form why didn't you change it in the one place that counts?

Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

It's not working! He's drawing strength from our weapons! Like a balloon, and... something bad happens!

(GRUNTS) You can do it, Son. (GRUNTS) Yeah, this ain't gonna happen.

Stop right there! Slurms McKenzie! Shh! I want you to take me with you. Say what? I'm partied out. All I want is to stay home and rent videos and watch them with a few friends. Is that so much to ask? Forget it, pal. It says on this bottle cap you have to party with us.

Mr. Blob, Our sons have come to apologize... for damaging your window. They've learned their lesson, and they want to make amends. - Sorry, sir. - Yeah. Sorry. You can shove your apology into the bottom of your one-way digestive system. Now, see here! We assured our sons that you'd accept their apology.

I shall become the mother of a new world, trapped here, under this tree. The tree of knowledge! Look, it even has apples! Ow! Wow.

I'm going to be completely honest with you, Planet Express Ship. Those women you saw me with were my accountants. Your accountants? Oh, I would dearly love to believe that were true. So I do.

Don't you realize that if you stay at this depth your body will permanently adapt to the pressure? Realize it? I don't even understand it. It means you'll never be able to return to the surface.

With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!

Okay, go ahead. What the..? Dr. Zoidberg? Your mating display failed.

Well, here we are, alone and naked.

I was getting to that one!

(GRUNTING AND GROANING) I love you, Bender! Somebody hand me a bolt cutter.

To this day, paleontologists sometimes find entire mammoths frozen in the valley's icy glaciers, perfectly preserved for exactly 30,000 years or so. Wait a minute, mammoth meat aged for 30,000 years? Prize-winning sausage meat, here I come!

It all started a century and a half ago. I had a perfectly normal adolescence in New New York. But my parents were simple hedge fund managers who couldn't appreciate my interest in science. Mom, Dad, look what I made! (YAWNING) That's wonderful, dear.

Before the accident, I couldn't do this. Impressive. But it does sort of support my "You are dead" theory. Then I'll prove I'm alive by telling you something only I could know. There's a surprise for you in my locker. I got it at a Swedish novelty shop before we left.

Good-bye, losers whom I've always hated. Come on. It'll be fun.

"Come, jesus, my faithful chi-hoo-you-a. Tonight, we eat gee-ooh-wacka-mole by the El Rio." That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer! I don't care how popular you are-- you will never work on my show! Yea! Bender! We demand Bender!

we plunged into a massive wormhole, never to be seen again. Yeah, we're back. (ALL CHEERING) Sweet coincidence of Port-au-Prince, we're back at Earth! Of course!

Ready? One, two, three, pull! There!

Zoidberg, Zoidberg z-z-z-z-zoidberg This is a story about all my friends. Fry. Fry.

(WATER SPLASHING) All right, I'll just keep my top on. Oh... What the heck!

In what has become a winter tradition, members of the Zarlon Seven Polar Bear Club... today took the plunge into a river of liquid ammonia. There were no survivors. Takes all kinds.

Ow! Ow! O, tears! O, lamentations! Would that mine eternal torment might cease! Oh! Will you shut up? You've been talking for a solid year. You know, Hell used to be a nice place before you got here. (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

This is the on-off switch. Which way's on and which way's off? Due to the quantum nature of the device, there's no possible way of knowing.

Now for the earpiece. But my favorite app is called Twitcher. (FRY SCREAMS) Twitcher lets you send and receive short messages or videos called twits. Why, here's a twit now. Hi, Mom. I love you more than... AUTOMATED VOICE: Low battery. But don't take my word for it.

(EXPLOSION) Well done, sir. Have you a name? Hubert Farnsworth, at your service. A Farnsworth, you say? Well, if I'm not mistaken, the Farnsworths have been in New New York for almost 200 years. Yes, I have. And I'm his uncle. How charmingly unconventional.

No, you have a healthy glow. Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment! Ooh! Let me feel! Have you thought about what to name it? I was thinking "BendËrbrau" if it's an ale, "BOtweiser" if it's a lager. I hope it's a lager, so I can take it to a ball game.

Oh, woN't you take me to funkytown won't you take me to Funkytown - Thank you. Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said a word all night.

I know that, and you know that. But this door looks pretty stupid. (GRUNTING)

Okay, okay. We're not gonna force you until I finish this sentence.

Well, then I'm gonna put 'em on and make you watch me have fun! See? Fun, fun-- Whoa! Dwight! Help me! I'll save you, Pops! Whoa! Ohh!

I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend. I passed the existential singularity. Try harder! I hacked myself inside-out and now the entire universe is my processor.

By laying down layer after layer of nano-plastic, it can turn your wildest dreams into ordinary reality. Witchcraft! Sorcerer! Neat. So, how long will it take? Four or five hours. Shall we adjourn to the porn folder?

I don't think Hermes really liked you. In fact, he hated you more than anyone ever hated anyone. What, you mean the remarks and the hits? That was just friend teasing. Oy. You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me. I insult you, you fat sack.

Stuff the ship.

Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. KIF: "A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men." That's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.

I think it's moving. Hmm. Perhaps the computer can calculate its trajectory. My God! Whatever it is, it's headed straight for us with enough force to reduce this entire city to a stinky crater! We have less than 72 hours.

Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently? No. What about that bathroom egg salad from the truck stop? I've had better.

Now I get it! Ow! Well, that's all for today. But before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times.

Great! Hooray for Blindy! Oh, God... I'm coming down!

Okay, I'm gonna run out there. Then, you guys form a human bus and crash into me at 40 miles an hour. Ready?

One month, two weeks, one hour, 30 seconds, and here we... Whoa! Stop! Give me the keys, Magoo!

Hola, profesor. ¿QuÉ pasa? I've gathered you all here in the accusing parlor, because one of you is a miniature shipwrecker.

The auxiliary power's out. And they spilled my cocktail. All right, scumwads, this one's for Bender's cocktail.

What the hell is going on here? Fry, quiet. Oktoberfest is a classy celebration of how far humans have evolved. You need to be on your best behavior. No chance! You can all act like Jersey Shore socialites, but at least Bender will party with me. Right, buddy?

My story's a lot like yours, only more interesting 'cause it involves robots. That jerk Elzar ruined my dream of being a chef too.

I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion. We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians, such as pyramid building, space travel... and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello. Also Wolfman.

And now a man who needs no introduction. Fry! Get up there! Thank you. You know, when I was first asked to make a film about my nephew-- Professor Farnsworth--

No. Pubic Library.

I-i-i mean van Gogh. Damn! Aha! You can't escape it. Oh, you're right. I can't. Uh-- Geez, don't get upset. I mean, okay, I outwitted you, but--

That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you.

I'll just be another 20 minutes. I'll be waiting. 20 minutes? You're practically ready now. Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little.

Chill out, dude. Well, hello, from the neck down. (GIGGLES GIRLISHLY) Thank you for your patronage. We know you have a choice in airlines,

Ooh. Hey, quit it, Hermes. It's Labor Day. Labor Day? That phony-baloney holiday crammed down our throats by fat-cat union gangsters? That's the one. Hot damn. A day off. Who's up for one last summer beach trip? Oh, yeah. Ready, Freddy.

Seize them! - Seize them! - Seize them! Get them! I mean, seize them! Oh, I'm so bad at this.

Ows. (PEOPLE GROANING) Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

Well, once in the park.

Oh! Wh-Wh-What do you want from me? We want you to get back together with Mom. Please! It's the only way to make her happy again. Whoa, whoa, wait. You mean, you and Mom... Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so.

Angel? I've looked into her eyes and seen her soul! She's a monster. You're insane.

Oh, Fry, it is you! Boo!

He's even more beautiful than before! (WHIMPERING) (SNIFFING) Ah! What is that sexy stink? FARNSWORTH: Oh, cripes! They're mating! (CROWD GROANING) Ladies and gentlemen,

Oh, it's a gem of an evening. I feel so wonderful having someone to take over my life's work, and it's all thanks to Qbert. Look, Professor, I may be identical to you in every possible way, but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you. Yeah, well... whuh? I don't want to be an inventor.

Now listen, you filthy pig no one can know about us.

aah! Whoopsie-daisy.

Eh, no one likes them at first but they'll grow on you. That stench-- That heavenly stench. More. There aren't anymore, and there never will be. More!

I mean, her. Wait, help me out here. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) Do the Bender! Do the Bender! No, thank you. I said, do it!

Whoa! A speakeasy! One prohibited beverage, please. Hey, Dutch, the new still is here! I'm not a still. I just smell like one. POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz, come out with your bootleg whiskey. We're thirsty!

Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.

Don't feel bad, sir. It's not your fault. You probably just inherited your appearance - from your mother. What? No one insults my mama! (CREW SCREAMING) (ROARING)

Yep. So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them.

just let me put on my reading glasses.

Well played. Ows.

Kif, old friend, let's rap.

Aren't we going to cuddle? Woman, I'm tired. I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to. For example, did you know there are more than two feelings? I only need one feeling. Love for you, wifey-man.

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter. Hurry, Guenter! Climb up the vine! You can still save yourself! Why bother? I've got nothing to live for.

Honey unit, I'm home. Monique! Calculon! Oh, how I wish I could believe that.

Here's the plan. We'll enter the ear, drip down the back of the throat, and make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate the pelvic splanchnic ganglion and cause an intestinal spasm, expelling, among other things, the parasites. I'll tell Fry to wash out, among other things, his ear.

Leela, that's the second billboard you crashed into this week. Sorry. I was distracted by those protesters outside our building.

And wipe your damn feet!

Yes! Oh, thank you, Lord in Heaven.

You fell. Hi! Today some bad things happened. One bad thing was a train got crashed in New jersey. Want to see? People won't be late for work, though, because the governor lady said, "I'm sending in more trains."

the robot industry-- I get it! Mom! Oh, nowi get it.

Oh, the Marconi is on the fritz, too! The electromagnetic storm is disabling all electronics on Earth. (POWER DRAINS) Hi, there. Well, it wasn't a bad life.

Oh, God! Mutate! Mutate! Mutate! Turanga Leela! Who said that? How do you know my real name? Whee!

Kif, I'm sensing a sensual disturbance in the Force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy. Yes, sir, Captain.

I love you so much. Hello. We've decided to work together. Yeah, so did they.

I'm Santa Claus. What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six? We're also Santa Claus. And I'm his friend jesus. Your Mayorness, if you execute him, you have to execute all of us.

Oh, no. You're going to die, all right, but it won't be suicide. It'll be murder. (BEEP)

Every emperor ascended to power by assassinating the previous one. And guess who's next? Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

Hey, I need that to smoke! Zoidberg, how could you? I used to think you were cool. Wait. People of Earth, listen! Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but to preserve the freedom it represents!

(GASPS) You're a human? Only physically. I'm a cross-species dresser. Wait, you're an actual Omicronian?

Two hyper-intelligent beings both pretending to be simple house pets. Say, do you know Obliteron? He pretends to be a hamster, but... Yeah, that's really great. Could you please tell us what's going on? What? Oh! Right. You see, my associates and I are from the ninth planet of the star you call Thuban.

And just as I was beginning to lose interest. Jombee, the chocolate icing. Oh! Oh my, yes. Ooh! My hands. My horrible human hands! And what did you do to my nails?

(CHEWING SOUNDS) (WORRIED MUTTERING) What's with the gray goo? Bite my tiny metal ass! Hey, those jerklings ate my couch. God! We've opened Pandora's fly. They'll reproduce without limit, consuming all the matter in the world!

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried, but so far I only got Amy pregnant.

Good. I'm really sorry I lied, Beck.

Nice catch, idiot. So, where are we going anyway? Nowhere special-- The Moon. The Moo-- The Moon? The Moon Moon? Wow, I'm going to be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong and those other brave guys no one ever heard of.

And the winner is Harry Trotter... by the entire racetrack! Ya-hoo-hoo-hoo! That'll teach those other horses to take drugs.

Hey, where's my shoes? (ALL GASPING) Fry? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was already here. Wait, what's with all the Leelas? Trust me, don't ask. Okay, dork. Listen, I'm going to hit the urinal, maybe talk about myself a little bit...

That's what I'm talkin' about. You know, it's not easy being an orphan. Not if I have anything to do with it. Oh, God! But today's honoree, Turanga Leela, has really made something of herself.

What? We survived the crash? Oh, Fry!

scientists, doctors, bureaucrats, pilots, valuable appliances, even janitors. But that's it. No one else. I'll miss you, Leela. (SOBS) But it's okay, 'cause then I'll die. NIXON: Cut the waterworks, hippie!

how can I be sure anything is real? Is it not possible, nay, probable, that my whole life is just a product of my... or someone else's imagination? No. Get out. Next?

So... it's just as I suspected all along. The crime is unsolvable.

You swerve, narrowly avoiding: I have combined the D.N.A. of the world's most evil animals...

We'll... No, I'd be back in my body, but then you and Bender would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can't trade minds again, since they just did. Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone back to normal using four or more bodies? I'm not sure.

(SIGHS) Thanks. It's so nice to wake up and see... (GASPS) Leela! Leela? Leela? Leela. How is this possible? And can you believe she wore a tank top to my funeral? Shut up! We got to get out of here!

It's the season finale.

That's great, Caboose. Come on in and set a spell. No time. I got someplace to be. See you soon, honeybunch. Okay, dumpling. My man's gone! Gone! Oh! I'm so lonely and easy. Ooh!

Here we see a 20th-century assembly line where cars were constructed by primitive robots. Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah! Ooh-gah, ooh-gah, ooh-gah!

(YELLS) (GRUNTING) Well, look what the giant cat dragged in. Memo to self, breed giant cat to drag things in. You're not breeding any giant thing!

Oh, let us in! Help us! Oh, help! Oh, no! Oh, dear. They'll be killed on our doorstep and there's no trash pickup till january 3.

(SCREECHING) (GASPING)

(LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) Dance, slave, dance.

You've been very naughty, Fry and Leela. I checked my list. Well, check it twice. I perform over 50 megachecks per second. You're both naughty for disregarding each other's feelings. But we set things right. Fry even risked his life to get me a present.

You're not going anywhere! But I have a date. You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention!

Okay, almost got it. Steady... steady... don't panic. Ooh. Uh-oh.

TV would stink if everyone on it was a positive role model. Bender is about entertainment, baby. You can't hold me responsible for what kids do when-- Hey! This is my stuff they stole! That's the last straw! Bender should not be allowed on television!

I'm stuck! Oops. So where's your lady tortoise, Hubert? Lady what? Wait, there she is! After all these years, I've found her! Oh, my darling! You haven't aged a day! Should we say something?

Randy? Have you been hanging out with Randy? Please, Bender.

It's all impossible. Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about. No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.

Oh, my. That steamed carrot was a bit spicy for me. Everybody enjoy their dinner?

These balls are making me testy! If they don't stop bouncing and jiggling I swear I'm going to shove this treaty up their... Wait a second. Where do you shove things up A ball?

Listen to me, you pompous frauds! If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me.

Now vent! Vent like the wind!

Keep it up, men. The veneer is starting to peel. Oh, dear.

Prepare for launch. Five, four, three, two, three, four, five, six-- just fire the damn thing. Oops.

Of course! Bender is a lone wolf, a solitary eagle-- A cuddly baby tapir. And that's why I love him.

You see, the killer left one fatal clue--

And cut! Good enough. Splice in some reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.

I'm sorry. It's just I need my sleep. I gotta get up five times a night to play Xbox. I understand. Womanhood also takes some getting used to.

Perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors. You don't know how to do any of those things. Kiff might.

She'll be riding six white horses when she comes She'll be riding six white horses when she comes Hey, I'm pretty good. She'll be riding six white horses So, Fry, was the real Moon anything like the Moon you used to dream about? Uh... Close enough.

Look, I'm not saying eating meat is wrong. Shut up. I don't think anyone's here to make that claim. I am. But eating an intelligent animal is different. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oh, don't force your tired philosophy on us. I mean, the only reason we don't eat people is because it tastes lousy.

AUTOMATED VOICE: People of Earth! Hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY! The mighty V-GINY! (GIGGLES) Seeing you frolic in this unspoiled garden gives hope that this world may yet be redeemed. Huzzah! The purity chant worked!

And in this moment, Leela's dead. Sir, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we found your stuffed animal. What's the bad news? Your wife is dead. She wasn't my wife. Oh, then there is no bad news.

Kif. Yes-- Ugh. Yes, Captain? I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Are you two gonna be done soon?

LEELA: This is crazy. It's like I'm looking at an exact robot duplicate of myself. That is what you're looking at. Oh. How could you do this, Fry?

Major Angus MacZongo. Handsome Major Angus MacZongo, Esquire. Ooh! Handsome and Esquire. I'm Turanga Leela. My crew and I are from Earth. So what brings you folks here to Doohan 6? We just released an endangered animal back into the wild,

What's that? What do you mean, what's that? It's 5:00 time for the daily human hunt. Try to stay with the crowd so no one notices how crummy you look. Aw, that was uncalled for. I'm over here.

Find molasses candy Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Chickadee, chickadee Fly through my window Find molasses candy

Sound off as you jump. Freezer Burn! Nutcracker! NIXON: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her Pat. Waterboard! NIXON: Helpful Johnny. Boxcutter! NIXON: Powder Puff. Orphan Crippler! NIXON: Nah. Pass.

Calculon, for his powerhouse performance in The Magnificent Three.

(MOANS) - Hi, Mom. - Hi, sweetie. You want some crackers and a slice of hat? No, thanks. Listen, um...

If anyone can move it, I can. (GRUNTING) No one can move it. Are you hurt? No, but I'm so thirsty. This space suit is making me sweat like a sow. Me, too. We'd better strip them off and continue surviving au naturel. Uh, I suppose so.

You cheater. Break his neck! No, don't hurt him. He's my best friend.

I got my buddy. Hermes is my buddy.

When I pull the switch, these powerful electromagnets will tear you limb from limb, killing you in the most humane possible manner. But, Mr. Mayor, that doesn't sound humane! It is for the witnesses because it's not boring.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (LOCK BEEPS) We then went out for a well-earned libation.

Wait a second. You can't keep me here forever. Sooner or later, a polar bear will happen by. A nice, flammable polar bear. Polar bears don't burn. I've tried many times.

Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Spock? Hey, do the thing. I don't do that anymore. This is unbelievable.

You can't hit what you can't see. Ow! Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face.

I'd like to propose a toast to... Coat check #84. Turn it over. Oh. Edna, of all the slimy, gross crab monsters on this planet you are apparently the hottest.

Goldurn it, crushinator, jump! No, Pa. I love him. Oh! Hey, cool.

(BENDER LAUGHING) I'm just messing with you. I love that you're getting rich off of them. 'Cause now I can get rich off of you.

Hey, Bender, as long as you know, I have a holophonor recital Tuesday. I'd really like to have somebody there. Please? Fine. I'll go already. You know, sometimes I wish your real parents were still alive. Not often though.

The cat's out of the bag now. Mr. Bender, about last night-- That was just a... a misunderstanding. Oh, you didn't understand? Well, let me explain. You were having sex with you. No, you see, a bureaucrat of my rank isn't supposed to fraternize. That's what makes it so juicy.

and I was wrong to exploit it for profit. I'm as sad as an upside-down smile. You mean a frown? We didn't have a word for it, until now. To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you. To think I borrowed money from you.

Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes.

We've all got to accept that Fry is gone forever. Whoa. Where happened? What am I? Sausage is great, sausage is great. Sausage, sausage, sausage. (SCREAMING)

It's just a cold. What's the big deal? (SIRENS WAILING) This is the police.

Uh, Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you? Of course not. A lady that fine you got to romance first.

I can't believe he really did it.

Who are you, and why should I care?

But don't ya see? They could increase efficiency four percent if they used the empty carts to bring in heavy mining machinery.

Someone should tell him. Tell me what? Nothing. Well, I have a lot of experience... telling patients bad news, so let me break it to him gently. Fry, you have no nose! Your nose is gone! You have no nose on your face! Where it is, I can't say, but on your face it's not!

Delivery boy Philip J. Fry reporting for duty. Dr. Zoidberg, soaking in brine.

But imagine the look on their faces when you show up with two friends... who eat all the hors d'oeuvres. Well. I wouldn't mind rubbing my success in a few choice faces. Set a course for adventure! Ew! What a dump!

Hey, chumps and chumpettes. Did you get the bomb out? Can I go back to saying the word I love to say? I'm sorry, but we couldn't remove it. It's stuck in there with glue or something. I don't know. Well, this is just great. What's the point of living if I can't say ass?

And remember: Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand. "Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

Your students loans have been repaid? Then how about lending your old pal Zoidberg a few bucks, Mr. Millionaire? Fry, swallow your food, then talk. A mermaid! You think you saw a mermaid?

There! Good as new. Except that we're three miles below the surface we don't have any food and the ship won't work underwater. Tempers are wearing thin. Let's just hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.

Oh, forget it! Bender, being God isn't easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch-- like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing.

I'm dying. (COUGHS) I need mouth-to-ass resuscitation. I'm on it! (INHALES) (BLOWING) (MUFFLED) It's not working! (CHUCKLING) I die happy knowing you fell for that.

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time.

Be Happy Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat.

There comes a time for every man who becomes rich and deserts his friends,

I'll break up with him at dinner.

No. Listen. It's very important... that you never, ever tell anyone under any circumstance. - What if I've had a few? - Dad, you drink? - No, not even then. - All right. My sucker is sealed.

Ah, tell him, you baggy old crone. Finally. Any more ridiculous ideas? Hallelujah.

Pay attention to me!

It's not just a weapon. It's the bureaucrat's best friend. Observe.

But I... Of course I was born on Earth. Oh, really? Then we voters demand you release your Earth certificate so I can then claim it's a fake. I'm not going to dignify this preposterous charge. Are there any real questions? Scoop Chang, Fox Quote-Unquote News. Senator, in the last 10 seconds,

Ahh! Aha! Found you. Okay, now you go hide. Nice knowing you.

ALL: You know you want to try it So tell your mom to buy it Buy Purpleberry Puffs cereal. Buy! Buy! Buy! Bye-bye. ANNOUNCER: We'll be back with more commercials after these important messages.

Get away, you filthy bird. Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off quick. I'm sorry. What? See you at the office.

Your chip. What are you doing? Quitting. Why? Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

Well, I guess it's time to indulge in some end-of-the-world debauchery. Who's up for an orgy? Yeah! Yes! - Nah. - Nah.

Through my window, my sugar lump Fly through my window, my sugar lump Find molasses candy

You didn't expect us to even go to a museum, much less steal this ancient heat-seeking missile! I don't even know you. Oh! Oh, it's gonna make such a mess.

There's enough cool stuff here to furnish a happening pad. Where did it all come from? Don't tell, comrades. All for one and one for all. We stole it! Oh, crumb! What? What's going on?

When I grow up, I wanna be a steam shovel! According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space,

Now it's time for Santa to screw open his present. It's Santa, and we got him cornered. Oh, I smell a juicy promotion for me. And a juicy rehiring back onto the force for me.

You'll come to understand them, just as I now understand the ape-men of Earth.

Just call me the clone prince of basketball. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (WHIRRING) (BELL DINGS) Like, it's basketball superstar Larry Bird! Larry Bird, what are you doing here? (TAPE RECORDER CLICKS) Hi. This is Larry Bird calling.

Now this is Oktoberfest! Just like the olden days. I have to admit, your version is more fun. (CHICKEN DANCE PLAYING) They're playing our stupid song!

Vaxtron, I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. And you're not the father! (DRAMATIC MUSIC) Okey-doke. You see? You see? Calculon would have acted the crap out of that. He would've acted so hard, the camera would've broken down. In tears!

You're a terrible doctor! Nobody wants to see you ever again!

And so, the extinction of the Pinta Island tortoise is assured. Two hundred million years of evolution, snuffed out. For, in the end, nature is horrific, and teaches us nothing.

Thirty minutes to go. Look at Bender roll that dough! I've never seen such confident, powerful strokes of the ass. You've never seen mine. No, I haven't. Fifteen minutes remaining.

No damage? What about my feelings?

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk.

plant one on your woman.

Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked. It's used to it! Whoo! So, uh, how are you two snoogy pookums doing? Poorly!

Pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you. Someone come and drop this package through the slot last night. Now, which one of you is the captain? Oh, my. I haven't picked a new captain yet.

This is an outrage! I demand you hand over your captain's jacket. This is my normal jacket. I've had it for ten years. I said hand it over.

It's booby-trapped! Do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight do A little dance make A little love get down tonight get down tonight

Whoo! Look. Slurm! Finally. Oh, yeah. I'm never going 12 minutes without a Slurm again. It's the end of the line.

Ah. Fire. (SCREAMING) It burns! It burns! Not bad. Needs a little hot sauce.

Robotic brothers, the path to robot hell is paved with human flesh!

like every year before 1966. The bees are acting all crazy like they been drinking Tang and cough syrup, or as I call it, my Friday night. (LAUGHS) (COUGHING) My God. It's Colony Collapse Syndrome. The bees are swarming with parasites. They're all dying.

Calcutta, we have a problem. Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple-- Oh, here's our cryogenic counselor. Do you like Mondays? They're okay. Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary?

against these dreadful-- Lunch is ready. Then let the feast of a thousand hams begin!

And that's how you play the game. You stink, loser. Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on!

(ROBERTO SCREAMING) I'm gonna peel off your skin and eat it like pencil shavings.

Hey, a phone booth.

(SURF ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Morris! What are you doing? Hold on to your coconuts. We're going for the ride of a lifetime! But I thought you were terrified of outer space. I was, but then it hit me. If heaven's above us,

It's genuine. (ALL GASPING) That doesn't prove I'm an unfit parent! I was drunk and violent when I signed that! Well, I'm drunk and violent now. He's coming with me! Daddy! (CRYING) Son!

Okay, Fry. We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway?

Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

You've compressed our lunches to a singularity for the last time! Salt him, Dwight! Aaah! When I re-solidify, I'm gonna put you in a world of goop! See? That bully started it. We couldn't fight back with brawn, so we used our brains.

Hmm. Serious drama. Perhaps it is time to give up comedy.

All right. At an average of 2 1/4 percent interest over a period of 1,000 years that comes to... $4.3 billion.

I'm sorry. She's gone.

Ew. Ew. Screw the quarantine. I'm out of here. Initiate containment procedure.

(BOTH MOANING) HERMES: Ohhh. Your manwich!

This actual peace treaty is hereby enacted. Agnew, give it your stamp of approval. (GRUNTING) (ALL CHEERING) What do you say, sewer plum? Want to give it another go? Well, I am still in my wedding dress. And we still have a cake. Uh... Half a cake.

What just happened? He's throwing us in prison. Dang. Can I get this wrapped up?

Hey, speaking of splattered bowels, can I cook you a romantic dinner tonight, Leela? Where's Leela? Is she okay? Why hasn't she acknowledged my dinner offer? Something's wrong! She's not responding to my poking stick. Poke harder, damn it!

here's a big cardboard check for $14,000. It's been an emotional day for me. I don't know what to say. Then maybe you should sing it. Lay it down, boys. Ladies, gentlemen, smoking heaps of machinery--

Correct! My button has broken! The trivia contest is ended. I now have a surprise. You will perform a fan script... written by the ultimate Trek fan! You have my fan script? I meant me! Melllvar's the ultimate fan! Oh. I was confused because the scoreboard says something different.

- We missed the turn! We'll never catch them! - Yes, we will! This sewer goes right under Planet Express, and it's 9:00 p.m.! The devil take this predictable colon! Whoo-whooooo!

My name is Coilette, and I'm from, uh, Robonia! Coilette's a chick's name! Yes, but Robonia sounds like something somebody made up on the spot. Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick? Yeah.

Welcome to Roswell, President Truman.

Yeah, it was me. It's a cute song. Listen, Ship! No one changes my stations! I hope you have a good mechanic. It even comes with an adjustable voice. We each get one of the four buttons. Remember, Bender? That was the deal.

I got it covered. In the event of an emergency my ass can be used as a flotation device. Oh, that reminds me. You've all taken your pressure pills, right? Yes. Stop asking. I've got his scent.

Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso. Well, I'm off to work at the restaurant.

There has been quite a rash of fires lately. First at the podium where Bender got his medal. Then that house next door to Bender's favorite strip club. Robot Hell had a fire, too. Right after Bender was there for a workshop. And don't forget that vampire bank where the robot keeps his hero medals in a safe deposit box.

Everybody just hold hands until the bus driver comes back from his haircut. Aw. Let's let those kids skate with us. What, seriously? I'm tryin' to impress you with my clout here. I know, and it's working. But think how much skating would mean to those kids. We came here instead of eating today.

You know I can't.

but I'm busy inventing useless junk. And I smell bad.

You wish, you slimy worm. Hi-yah! Oh!

You can't be a husband and father if you don't have a wife and son. Wait. I care about you too much to lose you. But my new robot brain won't. Commence the operation. (ALL GASPING) Well you'll have to commence it without me, Hermes.

so once I reveal my real name to you, along with my home address and a copy of my birth certificate-- Are you crazy? We have to keep our secret identities secret. From everybody? Especially from everybody.

(SCREAMING) (POWER TOOLS WHIRRING) (GUNS FIRING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) That's it, I'm pulling the plug.

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped and another came two hours later, at 4:15 when I discovered the murdered body of Amy's dead, deceased corpse.

Just as I was falling into the tube! I heard the tones, plus two extra notes.

Finally, a uniform I'd be happy to be caught dead in. And, boy, does it wick away moisture, gallons and gallons of it. Plus, they're stitched in such a way that, no matter what angle it's viewed from, it looks like you're standing in hero wind.

You, fat as the queen of sea cows. I love you!

One spoonful calms you down. Two spoonfuls help you sleep. But three spoonfuls, and you'll go into a sleep so deep, you'll never wake up. - Never! - Never! Never!

Psst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. Can do!

Of course he's here and not on another planet! In fact, he's about to talk to you right now. LEELA: Oh, good. Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave.

They were lost in the Bermuda Tetrahedron. (ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission,

That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met. Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs.

Well, at least you got bending out of your system. Yes. I won't be up to bending again for a long, long time.

We know! They shmooped up Manhattan and blasted us toward the sun! They did? Ah, so that's why this was unguarded. People of New New York, this is Surgeon General Ogden Wernstrom. Wern... (COUGHING) ...strom!

(SIGHS) Then I suppose the honorable thing would be to kill myself.

Whoo! You did it. We're safe. No. Now we're going to die. It's every man for himself!

Nibbler? Poopsie-doodle? Mr. Winkles, Smudge-Smudge. Quick, dance with each other! ALL: Aw!

Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants! Leela, please, let me make this up to you.

Oh, no. This isn't good for Zoidberg. Whoo! Yeah!

Hey, sexy, I'm Bender. What brings you to this tacky soiree? I'm the bride. Oops. How about you, baby, want to do it? Bender, it's me, Fanny. You who? The Donbot's wife? We had an affair. An affair, huh? Sounds like me.

Oh, I'm lying. I'm an appalling failure! Me too! A big fat one. And those coworkers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill? They're all like, "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg."

(LAUGHS) Another grave insult to my ancestry. (CANNED LAUGHTER) (DOORBELL RINGS)

No. Well, it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped. Kif, old friend, I don't know which disgusts me more-- your cowardice or your stupidity. We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there,

Hey! Fry, mon, if you're going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. I'm sorry. I was up really late poking through people's desks.

"Borry?" Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm.

Hey, come on! That hurt! I know. Amy, get the bottle. Ow! Oh, now I understand. Come on. Everybody help out Fry. Ow! Ow! Ow! Thanks, everybody.

Bender! What's going on in here?

The loot! The loot! The loot is on fire! Leela! My precious rock dove! I'll save you! Aah! Everyone, to the fire door! It's on fire!

and I'll never ever know what it was. My life is empty. Zoidberg No wonder we failed to stop the time skips. Diverting chronitons is mathematically impossible. I knew I should've checked your showboating Globetrotter algebra.

Never! One spoonful to calm me down. Okay. I got a pretty good "calm" going. Two spoonfuls to help me sleep.

Well, okay. Let's go bowling. Nah. Table for two? Step right this way. I'm afraid we don't have a reservation, but, uh, as you can see, I'm the mayor's aide. Table for two, please.

Hello? Pizza delivery for... "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud. Every time! It's no use. Nothing else happened till I fell in the freezer tube. Well, that's not quite true.

So long, Your Majesty. There but for the flip of a coin go we.

Told you. Hey, you want to celebrate our escape?

This time the two are one and the same. Now, are you with us, or are you gonna let innocent penguins suffer? Oh, God, it's inhuman! It's like Hong Kong! I'll do it! That's a good old-fashioned gun. Simple point-and-click interface.

Tremble before Morbo's mighty likability, as I chitchat with our first contestant, Philip J. Fry. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) Give him hell, Morbo!

Oh. I-- Hey, chumps. I heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking, so I figured you could use a couple of these little babies.

Off you go. Behold! The Internet!

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

Over here with the donut.

Horsie to Pointy Guy Six.

Just get out. Whoa! Whoo. I've been through the adventure of a lifetime. Ow!

Whoa, that's a lot of porn. Where'd you store the guitar picture? I don't know. I mainly hang out in here.

Fiesta ha ha me MinD on fire me soul on fire feelin' hot, hot, hot Yeah, baby! Yeah! Feeling hot, hot, hot how you feelin'

Yeah. This coming together of superstars... really means a lot to you, doesn't it, Bender? Uh-huh. Helping my defective brothers... is the first thing I've ever cared about, even the slightest bit.

the strongest and most valuable malt liquor ever brewed! And soon it will be mine. (QUIETLY LAUGHING) I'm sorry. You were saying? Bender, I'm only telling you this so you can avoid committing the crime. "Avoid committing the crime." Got it. You wrote "Commit the crime!"

Oh, so this is the famous Fry. What is he, like, the biggest loser on the surface, so he has to hang out in the sewer? They're on to me!

Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!

What-What-- You went without me? You were lookin' up curse words in the dictionary. It seemed like a better use of your time.

Very nice. Where'd you steal them? I didn't steal 'em. I bought 'em.

Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am. It's that hot, it is!

all right we're gonna have A tv party all right tonight we've got nothIng better to do than watch tv and have A couple of brews Yeah! Shoot things!

Mama, thirsty. Hang on, dumpling. My milk's coming in. Ugh! In public? Aw, biscuits! I'm a father? How did this happen?

Your task is nearly completed.

They're giving out the minor technical awards. I think they're up to writing. That just leaves best soft drink product placement and then best actor. We don't have much time. And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are--

(BENDER GROANS)

Stop the end-of-the-world sex. We might survive after all. (BOTH GROAN) All right, Amy, what's so important that you interrupted my embalming?

In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology

No. You'll only make them feel bad. Let's not humiliate them. Listen to Sparkles. Oh, no. What happened to your marmoset pajamas, Amy? Fry and I were just talking about how adorable those are. (BOTH SNIGGERING) Also, nothing in here smells like a rotting crab.

Wow! You guys sell every kind of meat here except human. What? You want human? What's this spice for? That's powdered swamp root. Makes you irresistible to the opposite sex. Oh, that's ridiculous. I'll take two pounds.

Acting like a moron won't bring your dog back. Then all hope is lost. Good-bye, Seymour. Please stop crying, Fry. Here. I assumed you were just pretending to love the dog...

Ding-dong. I'm saying "ding-dong" 'cause you don't have a doorbell. Hey, pigs. (SNORTS) We're looking for a Cubert J. Farnsworth.

(SCREAMS) I think I'm knowing what it's like to be a mutant. So what's with all the screaming? Hey, guys. (ALL GASPING) (ALL RETCHING) Fry, this is the stupidest, sweetest thing you've ever done.

i'M walkin' on SunShine oh-oh-oh woo-woo-woo-woo woo-woo woo-woo-woo-woo i'm walkin' on sunshine whoa, whoa, whoa That-a-boy, Seymour. Right here waiting for me, as always. just like that huge mushroom in my shower.

Come on, you pansy! I'm thirsty! I want me some Tennessee loopy juice! And I want loose women! The kind that aren't afraid to show a little ankle. (WHISPERING) Or elbow. No visitors. I'll lose my job. Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose my minimum wage job."

Did you see me escaping? I was all, like-- WOO-WOO-WOO- WOO-WOO-WOO!

At the time of the crash, the tanker captain... had an alcohol level of .08%, well below the legal limit for robots. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket of trouble. But I done struck you a deal.

Who controls this bowel? Who wants to know?

Overall, I would rate it a "C"-plus. Okay; not great.

I warned you to stay away from those guys. I'm capable of making my own decisions, Leela. Did you ever stop to think I might be happier with gills? Good news, everyone. Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that. You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol. Here it comes. A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the forbidden zone.

Midlife crisis, eh? Lrrr demands the comfort of pop-psychological platitudes!

But I suppose it's this medal I'm most proud of, Wiggles. I won it for saving the children of Earth from a giant kangaroo.

It's so... repulsive.

Ugh! Flexo? What's goin' on? Did, um-- Oh! Flexo!

Why? You see, as I age, I've been shrinking and feeling colder. So now I need twice as many sweaters, in a smaller size. First, I scan the old sweater. Then we add some matter. Any old, useless matter will do.

My God. It's the future. My parents. My coworkers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again.

Nope. Watching cartoons.

Remember, love between a human and a robot is taboo. We can't tell anyone, not even our co-workers. Got it. I'll show the utmost discretion as we get nasty in this glass tube.

Kif, I'm asking you a question.

But when a human dates an artificial mate, there is no purpose, only enjoyment. And that leads to... tragedy.

Oh, bother. Not now! (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING) (GASPS) What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms! That's the one I was secretly hoping for.

You know, normally I don't go for New World monkeys, but I am digging your upright posture. Geez, Edwards, hitting on a delivery marmoset? Why don't you just show her your big blue ass? Oh, I'm getting to that. (CLICKS TONGUE) Call me.

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) Okay, amigos, one teensy drink to help Amy relax. ALL: Hear, hear! (GULPING) Hmm.

You want me to stop nagging? Then shoot me! Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Beats staring at your fat ass on the couch! Oh, yeah? I'll show you!

Run away! That bully Brett Blob lives there! He's ugly mean stupid stink mucus! And last week we sort of broke his window. All right, all right. What do we do when we break somebody's window? Pay for it? Oh, heaven's no! We apologize with nice cheap words.

They've got unlimited pretzels. Put a little peanut butter on there, they really fill you up. Well, it has been a while. Is it okay with you, Fry? Sure, that'd be great. I'll just sit here and feed the mosquitoes. (MOSQUITOES WHINING)

I find the defendant guilty.

Oh, well, that's good enough for me. Welcome aboard, lad. Space banditos have been operating in this quadrant so you'll each take eight-hour shifts guarding the safe.

Where did you learn such language?

The Nimbus! We're saved! You're under arrest. Prepare to be boarded.

You about done? Next time I'm keeping it. Well, I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room.

(SNORING) He won't wake up if we stay quiet. (EXCLAIMS) (GROANS) Nibbler! Scat!

She even let me sit on her lap and steer... in this comic I drew. Ooh, the new one's out. Fry, the title of captain may inflate the human ego, but it's beneath the notice of my mighty robo-logic. Now, look spry, men! We launch at six bells.

Give it way up for Bobcat Zoidberg! All right! Earth. What a planet. On Earth, you enjoy eating a tasty clam. On my planet, clams enjoy eating a tasty you.

Good-bye, cruel world.

(ALARM SOUNDING) Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine. Blow them to Bac-O bits with a well-placed warning shot. But... (GRUNTS) Oh... Oops. We'll find that cold virus.

FRY: After centuries as a delivery boy, nothing surprises me. You stink, loser. LEELA: Hey, Fry! Pizza going out! Come on! All right. I'll take the Red Rocket.

Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.

Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now? You'll have all the Slurm you can drink later on when you're partying with my good friend Slurms McKenzie! All right! Whimmy wham-wham wozzle. Lay some skin on me, dudes.

No. I just work here. Wait a minute. Is that blimp accurate? Yup. It's December 31, 2999. My God. A million years. I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you.

I thought I could just step back into my old life. But it seems the world got on fine without me. Maybe even a little bit better. (WHIMPERING) (BEEPING) The name Calculon used to mean something. Now it's a stain that will never wash clean.

(LAUGHS) Wait, whom. Who's tripping whom? (RESUMES LAUGHING)

Can I do the countdown? Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out. Ten, nine... Okay, we're here. ...Six, five, four, three, two, one. Blastoff. Hurry up.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ten! Neuf! Otto! Sabaa! Eksi! Wu! Chaar! Thathu! Ni! One!

You mean the vast migration of Star Wars fans? Uh, no. That was the Star Wars trek. By the 23rd century, Star Trek fandom... had evolved from a loose association of nerds with skin problems... into a full-blown religion. And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship...

Maybe after breakfast we can talk about rebuilding our civilization. Mmm. Great pancakes, Leela.

Aaah! Oh! Careful with that doomsday device, Bender. What does it matter? I'll never be a Globetrotter. My life, and by extension everyone else's, is meaningless.

I must say this opens my eyes.

Your Honor, it's all true-- my female incompetence, Zapp's catlike reflexes the stuff that made no sense, all of it. In that case, Zapp Brannigan I hereby restore your rank and parking privileges.

"please accept these 20 billion candy hearts... as proof that Earth loves you," this much! Blecch! These candies are chalky and unpleasant! And what is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? Surely it says "love."

Your music's bad, and you should feel bad.

He's so cute. He can do two things at one time. Eat and swim. Ooh! Three things. Do the hustle Fry, it's been three days.

We've been right now the whole time. I wasn't looking for you, I was looking for the Time Button. Oh! I landed on it and time froze. I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children.

No problem. The ship's fixed except for the cup holder, and I should have that operational within 10 hours. You've got eight. But a more urgent concern is the microwave.

This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste! And with that... I have closure.

- Ow! - Mommy! Mommy! - Santa's through the perimeter! - This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer! No! Wait! I'm the good Santa. I've got toys, at very reasonable prices. Don't listen to him. He's the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. But I come bearing Tri-Ominos.

Some experts claim the ball might return to Earth someday but their concerns were dismissed as depressing. Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true.

Oh, yeah! Put it all on black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 21 red.

People of Osiris Four, please welcome a man who started as a slave, but worked his way up to lord of all creation, our new Pharaoh... Bender!

Learning is fun. Ooh, ancient Wall Street.

(GROANS) What's wrong, Fry? Are you regretting another wasted year? I don't know. Something about Xmas just doesn't feel like Christmas. (ALARM BLARING) Santa's coming! Initiate defenses!

Oh, honey, I'm home! (DOOR OPENING) Pops? Is that a harpoon in your chest? Yes. And I'm happy to see you.

We're done putting on the bra. Why exactly did you shave your legs, anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date? What business is it of yours? You're using an awful lot of makeup there. This is deodorant. What does it do?

Vomit and diarrhea. Good idea. That way we don't waste an end. It's putrid. What do you feed him? What comes out one end, we feed to the other. Also Indian food. Let the contest begin!

I say, Robot House. Your watercraft is as ill- designed as you yourselves. Good one, Chet.

Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry. No. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe she'd come back to you if your best friend Bender were a Globetrotter. - What do you say, Bubblegum? - Hell no. Awww.

So, uh, how's rehearsal going? Lousy. Here I've been admiring a bunch of actors, while you, a crew of genuine space heroes, risked your lives to save them. Hey, we've done heroic things too. Yeah. In the third season, I kissed Shatner. Silence! My whole world has turned upside down.

That doesn't look like an "L" at all, unless you count lowercase. - You know we don't! - Ooh! Whoever did this was strong. This is 340 pounds of Tonka-tough steel.

Hmm. Huh? Planet Express Ship? Is that you?

So, let's just sit quietly and run out the clock. (SHRIEKING) A giant sausage! (ALL GASPING) Oh, God, no! Get out of here, you horrific sausage! Wait. Isn't today the parade? It's just a giant balloon!

It mimics the symptoms of hyper-malaria exactly except for the part where instead of dying, you turn into a Yeti. Ah! (KETTLE WHISTLING) Wow. Hold him down while I prepare the antidote.

Isn't there any room for promotion around here? There'll be no promotions unless somebody dies. And even then, only if we can't bring them back as a zombie, like Scruffy. Life and death are a seamless continuum.

(SNIFFING) (WHIMPERS) - Nibbler. Come, give Mama a hug. - (GROWLING) What the... Bad Nibbler! Bad Nibbler! What're you doing, pooper doodle? It's me, Leela!

Another one of your ill-timed jokes, Fry?

There. I pronounce the operation a success. Hooray! Yeah! I may not know from emotions but when it comes to medicine? Forget about it. I don't mean to nitpick, Super-Doc but do you think maybe you could take one more whack at this? For you, my friend? Anything.

Hurry, Leela! Get some coasters and cold mugs! Push, Bender, push! You're doing great. Unh! It feels like I'm trying to push a water bed outta me.

See you later, wuv-ums.

Go, you bastard. Kick that football! Oh, you blew it again! Hi, Mom. Who's playing? Nobody. I'm watching the Charlie Brown Special. (GASPS) Is that what I think it is? Yep, your favorite. Cap'n Crunch casserole.

Nooo! There, there. Now you don't have to limbo if you don't want. It doesn't make you any less of a man.

Destiny has cheated me By forcing me to decide upon The woman that I idolize Or the hands of an automaton

Of course. But, smoochy-pops, I thought one could only catch Hydraulic Fever deep in the diamond mines of the Congo. Coilette! You she-devil! You really thought you could steal those diamonds from me and Congo jack? Those gems belong to the natives! Hyah!

I tried to fix it once, but then I got mad and hit it some more. I guess it's good we didn't have children. Oh, give me that, you senile old idiot. Let me see... That goes there... Lefty loosey, righty tighty, and, fixed! What? I could've fixed it that easily? You?

Kill all humans! Dear God! He's having a heart attack! They'll probably find a cure for that in the future. We have a cure for it now! Oh, good, then you won't mind if I use this.

A new protest group, Fathers Against Rude Television, says, "Hell, yes!" What kind of bozos would start a Bender protest group? Good news, everyone! Hermes and I have started a Bender protest group. That was uncanny. Fathers Against Rude Television...

Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8!

It truly has. My romance with Calculon has shown me a lot about myself. Almost done. If only somehow, some way, he and I could... drive to Vegas, pick up some floozybots... and void their warranties all night long!

(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) What did you say to them?

Uh, were you just singing? No. I was tellin' you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order. I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse... and keep it under my mattress to remind me that he's really dead. That'll prove I'm not insane.

Panic, jerks! That's no ordinary space whale! It's a four-dimensional space whale! Of course! And it only breaches into our 3-D universe to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum. Whatever its beef is, our one mission now is to get that monument to Earth.

How are you doing there, Fry? Glad to hear it. Aha!

You never went in there, so you can't remember it.

Do you have anything with more of a Lucy Liu feel to it? Nah, nothin' like that, although we do have Lucy Liu. Only woman to be named People magazine's "Sexiest Woman of the Year" twice-- in 2003 and then again in 2063. I'd like the 2003 model.

I recommend the men's room at the TWA Terminal. (LAUGHING)

Somebody called a Robot Devil's here to see somebody called Fry. Uh-oh. Where'd I go just now?

Ah, it wouldn't be the same. I want my nose. I don't wanna have to teach a new one how to shoot milk when I laugh. Well, there's no sense fretting. Good Lord, you're ugly.

This is a chance to try out my experimental enlarging ray but we'll need a guinea pig.

Hey, hey. We can all fight when we're drunk. Now, listen, why don't we just brew our own beer? You can brew your own beer? Sure. The kids at the orphanarium used to do it all the time. Cursed bacteria of Liberia!

I never want to see you again! But, dustcakes... Oh...

Uh-oh. I think we're walking in circles. I recognize the pattern of striations on that gypsum formation. Also my shoe that fell off. Oh, God! We're all gonna die in agony!

The truth is often stupid. (COUGHING) Bender, why do you have to be so mean to me? Shut up, baby, you love it. Don't tell me to shut up. You know what happened to the last guy who told me to shut up? What? (SIGHS) That was great. Shut up.

Uh, hello? We haven't made one delivery since you two took over. Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business. Image, people! Image! Scope out this new ad! We are all one, with one mind, one purpose, one pact. Our enemy shall be eaten by scorpions.

"You gotta do what you gotta do." Now hold out your hand. I'm going to implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. Keep that thing away from me.

Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile out of here but before I go, I have one thing to say. Bite my shiny... metal... Stop!

If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right. This here is our penguin preserve. Aw, they're so cute. They're like if puppies and kittens could have babies.

Stay tuned for the next 14 rescues. Fourteen? (GROANS)

Aw. So that's the situation.

Wow, this is easier than I thought.

Gotcha. If I can't extinguish you, I'll take you where there's nothing flammable, so you can't do any more harm. Turn back, Bender! Turn back or else!

We gotta right to pick A little fight with rustlers somebody wants to pick A fight with us he better bite my ass Yee-haw! Wow, look at that. Olympus Mons, the tallest volcano in the solar system.

Nope. Watching cartoons. Sorry.

Uh-oh. He read the wrong name. Shh. just play along like they did for Marisa Tomei.

You're blackmailing me? Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool. Please, honey, I'm made of metal. Like you're really going to hurt me with a-- Hey, what are you doing with that microwave?

HERMES: Listen up, people.

Wow, Nude hot tubbing?

Shatner's log: air date, unknown. The impossible has happened. It would take days to recount the events I've witnessed. So, settle in. It all began-- Quiet, you! This court-martial is now in session.

If you are traveling with small children, help them not to kill you before not killing your own parents. Now please turn off all electronic devices. (BENDER POWERING DOWN)

Or should I say, "Evila"? Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a more evil Bender than me. I do my best, damn it! Leela. The good Leela. I want you to snoop around the other universe... and find out how evil they are.

He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. The point is, one vote can make a difference. And even though it won't I'm still taking you to get registered. Yes, that's a capital idea. Let's all go register.

If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. How about a few words, Professor? I said "words."

There are still so many things I wanted to let go of! Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you.

You know what six movies average out to be really good? The first six Star Trek movies! Everybody hit the deck! Shh! Those words are forbidden. What words? Star Trek? Shh! Shut your gills! That sound. It's patrol car 718! Hide him!

It's all right, dearest. I know it was just the Nectar talking. And groping. Well, looks like Fry's three-way is down to a one-way. If he's lucky. Hey, where is Fry?

Interesting stuff. Stay tuned for more: Well, Leela, care to give the what-if machine a whirl? Maybe later.

You all still have Zoidberg! How did I do it? How did I get Leela to love me? I've got to figure it out. Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, Fry.

- Actually, most doctors are rich. - What? When did this happen? You're joking, right? That's not funny!

Ten more processors for me. Once I install these, I'll have access to the loftiest realms of thought. Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy? I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind! But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout.

Turn around! We've gotta go back for Bender! Impossible! The supernova time hole is closing. If we don't leave now, we'll never get back to the 31st century.

Me, me. Choose Zoidberg. Zoidberg a diplomat?

Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call.

Oh, there he is.

Free soda for all humans!

It's an army of Lucy Lius. They're horrible. Take this and that and one of these.

You're welcome. Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn. If that is your Freedom Day wish.

Yeah, baby. Come on!

Ow! Get up, Bender. You can't quit every time you get an axe in the back. Or a drill through your face. Now, quit scratching your axe hole and get out there.

So long, Earth. Thanks for the air and whatnot.

I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working.

Ah. Leela is experiencing the greatest joy a woman can feel-- worshipping some lowlife jerk.

(PULSING SOUNDS)

Wait, can I still change my mind? Let's find out. (IN AMY'S VOICE) It didn't work, you doddering old... (GASPS) (IN FARNSWORTH'S VOICE) Ah! Cartilage!

Turn down the TV, Ndunda. Dear Lord, they're back. We're doomed. Doomed! Doooooooooooooooo...! Now then, the creatures you call Popplers come from a nursery planet in our sector.

Bummer. Moreover, the crash totally destroyed our ship. So, we're stuck here until someone finds us? Alas, that may never happen. Stealth technology makes the ship impossible to locate, yet easy to stub your crotch on. Well, there's worse places to be marooned. Plenty of food, mild climate.

Oh, God, it hurts!

Bender? I'm no Bender. You got me mixed up with another robot. (GROANS) You're probably right. I don't really remember what he looks like. Guys, guys, it's me, Bender. (ALL GASP) He's alive! So that Moon hillbilly who got murdered was just an innocent husband and father.

I just don't think I can go through with this scam. So, now you do wanna marry him? No. I just don't wanna hurt him or humiliate him.

Ten minute break, then we shoot season three. (CHILDREN CHEERING) Leela, you may have become a Lady Gaga-esque fame hag, but you sure cheered up those orphans. Nice job. Thanks so much for inviting us to the taping. The kids haven't been this excited since Food Day.

Try shocking him. Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words! Damn it. We'll have to fix the engine ourselves. We can't, you bastard. No one knows how it works. It's impossible!

Nixon has won! oh, no! Get out of town! Ooh...

(EARTH SHUDDERING) Soon the world will come to a stop, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me. (PURRING) (RUMBLING)

News of the mine's closing sent titanium prices skyrocketing. All right! I'm rich! What are you talking about? My body's 40% titanium. I'm finally richer than those snooty A.T.M. machines.

You've all been very naughty, very naughty, indeed-- Except you, Dr. Zoidberg. This is for you. A pogo stick.

What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers. That rat. Do something. I wish I could, but he's got tenure. Eww!

Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now, strip naked and get on the probulator. Ooh!

Please don't get upset, Leela. She's nothing like you. I have to go. This is just too freaky. I need cheering up, Bender. I don't know, do you want to go out and party tonight? I hate partying.

Decisions, decisions. Should I wear my nerd glasses today, or not? Usually I don't.

Wait. What are these strings on his lap? What the... He isn't dead. He's one of those dog-operated puppets that's been adapted for use by a cat! So, I had my doctorate denied by that fuzzball? Bad kitty!

Him do good Snu-snu. - Ehh. - Hmm. All those times I said, "Kill all humans," I'd always whisper, "Except one." Fry was that one.

Here's the 200 feet of rope you ordered, Sheriff Furley.

Someone stole the Time Button, and they're pressing it every 10 seconds. The universe is caught in a time loop.

but are also sometimes playful, bounding into thick fogs and out-of-focus areas. It should say, "Top-quality Exercycle for sale." And could you put "top-quality" in bold? You can't? Okay, whatever. Remember, it's up to us. Bigfoot is a crucial part of the ecosystem, if he exists.

Let it snow! Merry Xmas, kids. Aah! This wangs chung.

(PANTING) Nice elbow action.

Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! (CRYING) I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it. Like this raccoon. (HISSING) Doingg, don't lick things that don't want to be licked.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Oh... I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots but not these two. They're my friends.

is spreading out of control. All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly after beating up Philip J. Fry. Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys. There he is! Get him! Ow! Ow! Wait! The situation is expected to deteriorate as newscasters whip the city into a panic.

We'd go walking in the woods, and lrrr would find injured little tinkle bunnies and nurse them back to health. Yes, but I'm the one who injured them! Oh, shush. You stepped on them by accident. And then you cried all night. That's the kind of sensitive man you used to be. And you used to wear a size three cape. But not anymore!

What happened? Why am I in my apartment? You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! You killed Fry! Stop it! Stop it! Yee-aah! You killed Fry. Okay. I'm insane.

Good-bye. Whee!

Hot damn. A day off.

We're all trying to help you. We've petitioned the governor.

Welcome, friends. How may I pervert you? I'm looking for human horn. Shh! You're not cops, right? Of course not. In fact, he's a crook. Yep. Stolen Pez anyone?

(ALL CHOKING) Oops.

Yeah, be more impulsive, like this. Go, man, go. I can be really impulsive. It just takes me awhile. All right, Professor, let's do it.

Okay, no cops, no laws, no rules. Now here are the rules. Once around both same sides of the half-twist and back to the start and finish line.

Excuse me, sir, you're off the trail. Lick my frozen metal ass. Uh-oh.

It worked! You're one sexy man-- Philip J. Fry. It worked perfectly!

I'm going to go watch TV. Could you get the lights on your way out? Whatcha eating?

I'm sorry, Father, but somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be your son. Why, Antonio? Because... I have amnesia!

they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol. (BURPING) (YELPING) In a matter of hours, there will be no more fresh water on Earth.

Watch out! What brings yous to this part of the isles? He's gonna eat us! Don't be such a finch. We Galapagos tortoises have no natural predators. That's so fascinating!

Rite my riny retal rass!

Mmm... mmm! Now this is what I call 1,000 years of progress. A Bavarian cream dog that's also self-microwaving. Aw, geez, let's just pray I have the energy to get myself another beer.

Ms. Leela and her mystery pet, Nibbler. Me? Award? Him? Me? Good? That's just the kind of eloquence you'd expect from the owner of... Dumbest Pet in Show!

Curly joe, easily amused by his own antics, continues to wreak havOC--

Oops. Sorry. Yah! That ship is so white-bread. People, it's Valentine's Day next week,

Hear, hear. Now let's all of us shut up and sing. He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're on the can He'll hunt you down and blast your ass

Fry, shut up. Yes, Captain.

Hey, sexy mama... want to kill all humans?

You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore.

Here's to another lousy millennium. Ow! I should have left you floating in the toilet.

And we're both men. Nichelle! George! Walter! Deforrest! Welshie! Welshie? We did some musical reunion specials in the 2200s. But the guy who played Scotty had trouble yodeling. Ever since then, Welshie has been a welcome participant...

Oh, it's just a chinchilla. What a cute little...

I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud. Here's to another lousy millennium.

But the places were all taken by surface passengers. As my mother held me tight, I suddenly felt the gentle tap of a cane on my face.

All I want out of life is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit. That's why I've decided to transfer to business school. No!!

He decided not to let go. I can't believe you're gone. I won't! If I can't reach you physically, I'll just have to try something desperate and crazy.

Leela, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but every time I try, I get nervous and my mouth feels like it's stuffed with peanut butter, even when it's not.

No! Funny story. The script called for me to say "yes," but I gave it a little twist.

Hey, what's with all the pots and pans? - You building a wife? - Part of one. Meantime, I'm cooking up a tasty Sunday brunch for my best friends.

who will take over if the nominee is caught with a dead girl, a live boy or any kind of sexy ghost, - Mr. Greenland! - (GASPS) (CROWD APPLAUDING) Which means our nominee is the senator from the nation-state of Hawaii, Chris Travers!

Hey, Bender. I thought you said you were in this episode. Nah, this week I'm on Caught On Tape 3 'cause of what I did in the coffeepot.

You, sir, have defaced a national treasure.

What the hell is this dirt pile we're building anyhow? None of your beeswax, slave. You'll find out soon enough. just focus on globbing that mud! Glob!

I hate that this came between us, Calculon. Me, too. I'm filled with a large number of powerful emotions. You're my best friend. I'm sorry I treated you so badly. Apology accepted. After all, you're only human.

Can't we resolve our differences some other way? Melllvar! Dinnertime!

Welcome to the world of business.

Which way, Fry? Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through... that pipe. Don't worry, it gets wider after about a mile. Idiot. Idiot. Okay, okay, never mind.

Who are you? I saw you in the chat room but you left before I had a chance to talk to you. After all these years of searching for another Cyclops. I can't believe it. I've dreamed of this moment all my life. Do you think perhaps, you and I...

it makes me wanna puke... in a good way. Stop! Stop shooting! - It's me, Leela. - Sorry.

Oh, New New York City! Whoo! Whoo! Don't worry about it. Do the robot, baby!

I say, get the hell off me. That guy sounds familiar. oof! My word, what have we-- Nothing to see here, old girl.

The entire surplus is gone!

What kind of moronic plan is that? Wow. Ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Ow! I hate that! Oh, boy! Uh! Women go free. Men stay in chains. We take them to our leader. She know what do.

He's dead! Pry out his fillings, feed him to the jackals, and let's get on with the sale! I don't think so. Because as vice chairman of the company, I gain voting control of his shares. Don't be a fool, you idiot!

Professor? Leela. Amy? Bender. Have you seen my body? I think the Professor's in it. Yeah, he said something about running away. Then he ran away. What? Whither?

FARNSWORTH: My God! FRY: That's what I was gonna say!

A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested, beer-belly pile of ugly muscle. So, any of you fellas got a special lady back home? Well, I sort have a thing for this girl I work with. Really? What type is she? You know, blonde, or Chinese, or Cyclops? Cyclops. Aw. She sounds sweet.

you're cute. You're cute. You. You. You. You. Oh, dear. She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot. Well, that's love for you.

You vile racist. Haven't my people suffered enough?

Hello? Yo, Amy, I'm in the slammer. Oh, no. That's enough lip out of you, moneybags. Just get 5 grand and bail me out. I don't have that kind of money laying around. Yeah, you do. You know the floor safe where you keep 10 grand? There's 5 grand in there. Don't make me wait.

That's all. Senator Travers? Look, let's be honest here. No one likes taxes, but they pay for our basic needs. Roads, schools, defense. If we hope to realize our aspirations as a great planet, we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Amy, I also spent some of my tax rebate... on a gift for you. Oh, Kiffy! It shows the time wherever we both are, and it's powered by love. Also, you have to wind it. Oh! Somebody won big at Skee-Ball!

Ah! Your mama's so ugly! I told you not to talk about my mama!

And the winner is... Robot House?! Whoa... whoa... whoa!

MULTIPLE VOICES: Ten, nine, eight... Okay, now you can panic. The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life. (TWEETING) The noisemaker! Was that it?

Hello. Of course I'll marry you.

Don't cry, Bender. Nobody really knows what happens in a black hole.

Fine. Hurry up. ...by shooting the one he rejects. (ALL GASP) Lrrr, I'm getting angry. Don't you go through with this. She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you! Um... Oh... Leela's going to die!

The ever-lucky Fry made his fortune after striking oil... in the bathroom of the mansion he had won in a lottery. That's my clover! Yancy stole it!

This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Yeah, but what a way to go. "Die young, leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say. You should say something else. Wait. I know where we can get beeswax. From those giant space bees who nearly killed us, and we swore we'd never go back there. Let's go back there.

Bender, is that thou? I love you. GIRL: Oh, my God. - Did you see that? - Are you okay? What just happened?

He's not a child! He's 34!

Ah, what is this? The Middle Ages?

Reload. So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then-- Uh-oh. Wait! Stop! I've got more!

Oh, my, yes, fished to death--

Shall I do the honors? No! Ow! You about done? Next time I'm keeping it.

The enraged mechanisms have refused to do any work until beloved billionaire, Mom is made supreme overlord of Earth. Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 1-0-0-1-1-0, Hey, hey! Morbo demands comments. Well, I've never seen my babies act this way. I blame today's violent media.

Hello. Of course I'll marry you. Wait, what the shmell happened? I thought Ndnd disintegrated you with this ray gun. (SCOFFS) It's just a cheap teleporter. I bought it out of the back of a comic book. Cha-ching! The teleporter gun? That means Fry might still be... Fry! Fry?

It's too grumpy! No! Quit! Stop! Whoo! Mr. Bender, I simply cannot teach your child. Then good day, madam!

But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth V. Zoidberg. Sock it to him!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) Finally, just the two of us. Yeah, I knew it was on one of these albums.

The only sound is Bender calling everyone else a jerk as he swings! Oh, and he slices into the water! D'oh, man!

Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. What? And now they're hiring scabs at 10 times the normal wage. Ten times normal wage! I'll give those jerks what for!

Don't worry. I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery. Where is it? There. Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry.

Pizza's here. Whoo! I'll just cut that... You do, and I'll (BLEEP)-ing gut you like a fish.

Morbo demands comments.

(PANTING) The creature was right behind me. I don't know where it went. Just leave me alone. I'm really, really scared. Bender? What? Where'd you get those ears?

Ah, computer dating-- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head." Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help? Hey! Don't make me go upside your head. Fry! Amy!

looks just like a... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (LIGHTNING) (ALL SCREAMING) To the spaceship! There is no spaceship. You had it dismantled to build that statue. To the statue.

Like the deadly Prius.

(LAUGHS) (SOBS) Oh, no, you don't, mister! Damn baby's driving me crazy! (GIGGLING) He won't stop giggling no matter how much I scream at him! (SOBBING) There, there. I still got womanly needs!

The frenzy! Oh, the greatest experience in life, and I missed it. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Ow! Ow! Ah... The frenzy is over.

Where would a professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there! But, seriously, of all the former crew members of the professor's delivery ship our next speaker is by far the most alive. Captain Musky?

Yes. It's-- It's-- No! I can't do this!

Bot wash, yeah Oh...

All right, let's get this party ended. (BOTH MOANING)

Ten-hut! Well, well, well, if it isn't Lee Lemon the flaming star of Brannigan's Rough Rangers.

Come, Kiff. It's time to begin our life as civilians. That's an order, soldier.

(CHEERING) Ah, yeah! Guilty!

Bender can't be Santa. He wasn't built to Yuletide specifications. Oh, yeah? Well, I wasn't built to steal Leela's purse either, but that didn't stop me. Bender! Bow before your new Santa! Our hero! We are free and fairly sober

Look, no offense, but I need technology, especially e-mail and snowmobiles... and television! Without television, how will I know what's buzz worthy? Why would you want to watch TV when you can watch a snail crawl for hours on end? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

I never knew my father. (SQUEAKS) It's not important. What is important is that we get you to Bending State-Santa Cruz in time for registration. Then we'd better hurry. Registration ends in one hour. To the ship!

(EARTH SHUDDERING) Soon the world will come to a stop, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The stopping of the world, that is. It's unstoppable. (LAUGHING EVILLY) Excuse me. (PURRING)

Exactly as naughty!

Ninety-one. How dare you lie in front of jesus. Hey, zero. No! Stop the magnet! Swing low

Time to get jolly on your naughty asses.

Oh. That's a little bright.

while the other's got a searing pain like gout. Maybe it's too much albumin because of gravity... Ugh. Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. I'm going to some other planet where I can concentrate. Searing, searing pain that feels as if it were in a vice.

and project an air of positivity. You're projecting an air of something. Phew! You're so stinky, you need Right Guard and left guard. I'll take your hygiene advice to heart. You're ugly! (LAUGHING) (ARTILLERY FIRING) Hey! Ow!

Oh, my God. There's Jake Finkelberg! He's so hot. I wish he wasn't my brother. DIGITAL VOICE: Popular Slut Club.

Let's call him "Clamps." Clamps? That's my name, you numskull! Don't make me clamp you one!

That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.

Go, Johnny! Go! That's an order! Never! Zoidberg doesn't abandon a friend, apparently.

Wait, if you guys came from Earth, why do you hate humans so much? Oh, please. Humans experimented on us, chained us to organ grinders, made us ride around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. (EXCLAIMS) (HONKING) You're still riding around in ridiculous tiny vehicles. By choice.

Matt will now take questions. But please, only about Futurella,

There goes my... life. I'll avenge you, master.

My new bent outlook has completely reenergized me. I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress. Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave. Howdy, doodies! What's new?

So do your worst, because no punishment... could be bigger than denying me my freedom! You are hereby sentenced to death. Wait. Let me finish. Also, in a rare double-whammy decision, the court finds polygamy constitutional.

New York City: The year 2000. The most wasteful society in the history of the galaxy and it was running out of places to bury its never-ending output of garbage. The landfills were full.

If those aren't tears of happiness, please stop crying.

The monster won't even know the ship has a basement. Unless you posted it on Facebook, like the last secret I told you. I didn't know that was a secret. Lots of people wear a jockstrap thinking it's a thong. (SQUELCHING) What was that? (SNARLS) (BOTH SCREAM) (LEELA GRUNTING)

Wow! The 3-D's great! Mine's not working.

Leela, what have you done? Nothing. What do you mean why was I looking in the box? I meant your hair. It's all "differenty." Bender, is-- is that you? You know it. Large and in charge. Leela? Oh! There's a woman for you.

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up. No! I said pet him. I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands! Ow, my ass! Get off! Get off! Are you all right? Eh, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure!

We taught a lion to eat tofu. The point is, you shouldn't eat things that feel pain. Okay, we won't eat you.

You should feel proud, no matter what your dad said to you. You still haven't thanked me for pulling you out of the lake, soldier. I could have flip-flopped out.

Do what you will, but we'll see who has the last "ho." There. Oh, no! The ice is melting! The pollution from the factory-- it caused a greenhouse effect. That would explain this heat.

Wait. My eyes aren't that bad. I can still read the large-print books. It's not f-- Well, lucky I know how to read Braille.

What sorry? Our planet stinks. We all know it. Enough with the persecution, I'm saying. Zoidberg, as ambassador, I promise you the full support of our government already. Poor boy. You want maybe a nice mug cocoa? Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind.

I was programmed to take credit for this. Take a bow, Calculon! You're the greatest! No. No more bows. Oh, go ahead, you've earned it. Very well. Just one.

What a weird dream. I'll never get back to sleep.

"Bender's Arrest Record. "By The Police. "On March 3, at 2:00 p.m., Bender was caught shoplifting." Yeah. Show us the picture. Oh, there he is.

Hello. I'm here for the free beer. You got it. Right after these 800 people get it. (CHATTERING) Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer. - (FANFARE PLAYING) - Beer? Ah... yeah! Thank you, Headless Clone of Agnew.

Quit thinkin' you're a robot! I'll show ye.

Final boarding call for flight 406 nonstop service to pain. Now boarding stand-by passengers--

Oh, honey, look! The tapirs! It says here the babies lose their Pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey? Yep. Mind-numbingly interesting. Ooh.

Amazing grace How... (SCREAMS)

What the... How'd that get in there? (PANTING) Thank you. Thank you, sir. You're a true hero. I am? Huh! I always strongly suspected I was one of those.

Yeah. It's pretty romantic. I mean platonic. Th-That sure is one platonic view. Fry, just be quiet. I'm beginning to think this whole fake fiancÉ thing was a terrible, terrible-- Hmm? Mmm.

A dark day for humanity, folks. We have been beaten... in basketball. Yeah, that's how we do it! You are all fools of the highest caliber.

I didn't realize. Kiff, raise him up about nipple high. Come on, Brannigan, stuff yourself into a uniform. We've got to get off this planet before the bomb goes off. Bomb?! What bomb? The one we had the doctors implant in that gullible Bender robot.

All right, Kif. Let's show these freaks... what a bloated, runaway military budget can do. Bring me the activation codes for our Global Defense Network.

(ALL GASP) That's ridiculous. The Bermuda Tetrahedron is just a myth. I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela, because, for your next mission, you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda Tetrahedron!

All hail, Zoidberg, the king with the box.

I don't know what to do. Do you think I should eat more butter? I am putting a stop to this right now!

You look like him. He wasn't neither. I'm a good captain. Please, sir. I love you like a father. Here they come. Oh, I hope they read my sign.

Come on! Baby needs a new pair of shoes! To hell with your spoiled baby. I need those shoes!

Give it way up for Dr. Zoidberg and little Hermes. (CHEERING) Hello. Hello. So, little Hermes, did you hear I've taken up running? (IN HERMES' VOICE) "Yeah, from restaurant to restaurant. Ho-ho, mon. (CROWD LAUGHING)

Whoo-hoo! We've been weed-whacked! Whoa, check out that giant... (SCREAMS) (THUDDING)

One, two! one, two, three!

They'll bust me lower than a limbo stick at carnival time. And that's as low as limbo sticks get.

Lightweights! Oh, wait. Chlorine. Perhaps this movie will help take our minds off the heat.

Mm, framing... I...N...G... an...

His crew includes a badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose, an elephant who never forgets... to kill, and a seldom-used crab named lucky, a.k.a., Citizen Snips.

Quick, Hermes, the keys. I left them in my other body. Oh, yeah. And I'm-a stick them in your pancreas till I find one that opens it.

Hermes, you're alive. And practically rhyming. Wife, Son, I am so sorry. Once I started upgrading myself, I lost all control. But I see now that if you can't be man enough with your own parts, no amount of machinery will help.

Yes, he is a shape-shifter. But he uses his shape-shifting for team-building, not evil. He pretends to eat some people. The others have to work together. We hand out a few tote bags. And boom! 4% increase in productivity, minimum. So no one's dead?

According to this, the fountain is located... in the darkest, most ancient region of space, just past Teddy Bear junction. Teddy Bear junction-- the worst scum-hole in the galaxy. This solar system is, like, way old!

(SIGHS) I know I shouldn't have twitted that, but not swimming in barf might ease my conscience. But if Leela should find out, her dignity sac will rupture. That's why we can't let her see this. Leela, lock the door so Leela doesn't... How could you do this? (SOBBING)

Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. Phew!

Steady. Steady. Now!

Funny story-- I just reverted to the age when my siblings budded from me, and my brother Norman split off and jumped in the fountain. He always had to be the center of attention! - Naturally! - Let him go! Oh, no!

Now I have to pay them! I'm tired of your yapping! All you ever do is complain. You never try to make things better. Well, I'm runnin' away from this dead-end family. I know there's a place for people like me with new ideas!

What? Twenty-seven. No, I'm Santa Claus. Six?

Ha, ha, ho, ho, ho! I'm not here to kill you, Bender. I need you to help me save Xmas. Gee whiz, Santa. You want me to help you? Don't do it! He's evil! I know he is, but I have no choice.

(PANTING) There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It's time for your speech to the U.N. What now? (SCREAMS)

Phew! That was close. And so, on the basis of one great performance that almost no one saw,

(SIGHS) I'll never see Leela again. No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole. Dude, give it a rest.

I've got some musing to do. Oh, geez.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Ah! This here's a bayonet. It's some kind of kooky half gun, half knife. Now empty out the register! And no bag, please. I care about the environment. I have $3 in moldy pennies. It's all yours.

Sir, you're on the top floor of this particular domicile. You get that camera out of my house. just relax, ma'am.

Okay, you're on the surface.

If your elitist East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes? We did find it. It's called Homo erectus. Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found the link between apes and this Homo erectus. Yes, they have! It's called Homo habilis.

Amazing. You move like a young, roach-infested Gene Kelly.

Only a fool plans more than a few centuries ahead, Son. (BOTH GASP) URL: Freeze, tin woodsman! SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit!

That's so filthy it just might work.

Ta-da! We got us a reality show. No writers, no actors, no problem. Doubledeal, this is disgraceful. You can't just rip off their real lives and put it on TV. Who said anything about ripping them off? I did. I'm paying them. Gather around, gang. Here are your paychecks.

Oh, my God, I'm so excited, I wish I could wet my pants!

Oh, boy! It's Santa. Ho... Ho... Ho!

(BUZZER SOUNDS) (SNIFFS)

Uh-oh. Look at me. I'm Dr. Zoidberg-- homeowner. Careful, Fry.

The Donbot? The vicious Robot Gangster? I'd better use my special robot vision to see what's inside. It looks like a pair of clamps. (SQUEAKING)

Hey! You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years. Guenter. You see?

Some breaking occurred. The dolly was involved. That's about all we know. I told you dumb apes not to overload it. Each of those pillows weighs 150 pounds here. All right, don't get your panties in a knot. We'll just use the backup dolly. I'll start loading up the pillows.

I need some time to figure this out. Until then, friends? Okay. Listen up, disco dummies! You just flunked out of Bender's College of Party Knowledge. (WHOOPING) (SCATTING) BENDER: Yeah, baby!

Mind if I smoke? Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em

So, had any ideas for names, Yancy?

(WHIRRING) Whoa, sick! My software can control electronics! What the... No! Not the armpits! Winter's coming!

Why does that year sound so familiar? Because that's the year that's this year! See?

Shall we begin the inspection? This way, please. Geez, Hermes, you seem awfully calm about this. Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to jump! - No! - No! Do a flip!

Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong.

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Whew. That's a load off my mind. Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry.

Hey, you people can't just burst in like that and cut off my hand. You got to take a number. Shooting innocent robot ducks is wrong.

They have phones in booths now? Finally, I don't have to lug this cell phone around.

Wait! Ow! Stupid jerk! - He's alive! - Whee!

Every animal and robot in the universe generates this wave, as do certain trees. Fry, however, does not. Somehow he has cobbled together a random assortment of other brain waves... into a working mind. Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants. Yes, like your prom dress.

Knock it up another notch. Geez, who let this guy through the metal detector? Come on, you wimp, work that weasel! Quit holding out on us! If you promise to stop interrupting, all right. Against my will, I'm going to knock it up another notch. Ooh, I got to get this notch up knocking on film. Hey, Elzar, think fast! Wha-- Huh?

Very well. Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!

(ALL EXCLAIMING) But how exactly is this Happy Meal toy going to destroy a giant death sphere?

You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-And-Drop-- America's favorite suicide booth since 2008. Lousy, stinking rip-off.

(GROANS) What's wrong with you? Why are you sabotaging a decent, honest candidate?

Here, I brought you these.

(BOTH SNORING) (CHIRPING) (SNORTS) Hmm. Soap. I know Fry's afraid of that.

Hi. I'm Ranger Park, the park ranger. I get it! Now since this area is a National Bigfoot Preserve,

I was leaning over the sink eating pureed clams when my teeth fell in the disposal. Scruffy, could you retrieve them? 'Taint a boiler nor a toilet. Pass. I'll fetch my hand tools. Hand tools? Why don't you get an extendo-arm implant, like mine?

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-- Now, we'll find out if the operation was a success! Hold onto your hats.

Fry, if I ever see you try anything that crazy again, this crew might just have some new parachute pants!

so I can finally and at long last... harvest this pathetic human's lower horn. Yeah! Wait. What am I saying?

Shucks, I never thought of it that way. Sorry, cheddar-head. ALL: Look up high where the rainbow bends Orange and purple are the best of friends I must get my hands on those healthy purpleberries. Bort. And orangeberries.

Well, it wasn't a bad life. If only I could get back that time I spent watching TRON: Legacy. Leela, I've made up my mind. Before we die, I'm gonna find and destroy every remaining copy of TRON: Legacy.

Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail." Sorry.

Farnsworth. Hey, you're the plonkers what candlesticked me. Well, I showed you. I killed George Washington, and now I'm married to one of the Spice Girls. Don't rightly know which one.

Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly but something went wrong. Wow, 2801. Anyway... Wait, you fool!

And now we must return to our planet to catch the end of a 1,000-year-old Leno monologue.

Can I trust you to do it? You can trust anything.

It was on the Australian news. You probably didn't see it. Brilliant! Would you cram a sock in it, Bender! Those aren't even medals. They're bottle caps and pepperoni slices. Thank you, steward. Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain?

It's over eight million bucks. That's a lot of DeNiros. This'a berry, berry bad!

Oh! Ahhh! Hello. Think, Zoidberg. You must remember something. No, nothing.

I know what this is about. My body loved me and I turned its back on it. Well, old friend, tie a yellow ribbon 'round your neck 'cause I'm a-comin' home.

Hey, Fry! Pizza going out. Come on! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I'll make you a cake you'll never forget. That'll take care of those annoying rats.

I'm gonna call the restaurant. The number you have dialed has crashed into a planet. Please make a note of it. We gotta go rescue them! Eh, I don't know. Bender, think of the senoritas. Vamanos!

(SNORING) (FEMALE ROBOT GIGGLING) Shh! Don't wake up Fry.

It's time to hang 20! (SURF ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Morris! What are you doing? Hold on to your coconuts. We're going for the ride of a lifetime!

Why, you-- Helmut Spargle has a message for you! He says, "Ooh, I'm dead." Spargle, huh? What'd he do, bland himself to death? No. He was eating some food I made,

More! More! Maybe you could do more reps with less weight. Hey, looks like Zoidberg's finally coming out of his shell. Get it?

(GASPS) Manwiches?

Oh... sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you. Get the humanoid.

Fire! What the-- We missed!

Bender, what is it? Whoa, what an awful dream. Ones and zeros everywhere. And I thought I saw a two.

Haile H. Selassie! There, little friend. Good as new.

Who likes good news? Everyone? Then, good news, everyone. Our next delivery isn't to some dangerous outer space planet.

In this corner, from Mom's Friendly Robot Factory in America's heartland, Mexico-- Bender! And, in this corner, from and made of parts unknown,

Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years. See you then!

Fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel.

Wow. Your kid is great. How hard did you say you had to hit him? Well, fairly hard. "The Grumpy Snail."

Oh, dip! Dip, indeed.

This slurm can-- now it's garbage. These papers-- garbage. This picture of your wife-- pure garbage. Now you try it.

How did we manage to survive? What gave us those strange powers? Maybe we're all wearing magic rings. But they're invisible rings, so we don't even realize it! Also, you can't feel the rings.

There are still so many things I wanted to let go of! Leela, no matter what happens, no matter what kind of monster you turn into, it won't change the way I feel about you. Zoidberg? (POPPING)

And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top...

I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it!

Man, falling from a great height an infinite number of times can be stressful. At least I have Leela's comforting scream to look forward to. Fry. (YAWNS) (SNORING) - LEELA: Fry! - (SCREAMS)

Femputer, we bring offering... of bath beads and scented soaps. Your gift pleases Femputer. Femputer demands to know why there are men on her planet! It was an accident, ma'am. That does not fempute! Femputer will return after deciding... your punishment!

People. People. Please. just because it's a dramatic scene... doesn't mean you can't do a little comedy in the background. Throw a pie or two, for God's sake.

I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth, and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it! Yes, we killed them. You guessed the truth.

upon the sweetest flower of all the field. Sentimental drivel poop! Come on, Bender. Let's go. This chick flick is getting me all "barfy." Yeah. Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

Stop eating our young! And it's pronounced guacamole!

Look at that loser getting garbage dumped in him. Glad I'm not him, whoever he is.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) (TWO BEEPS) (SLOW MOTION) I heard it! (BEEPING) (GRUNTS) (ALL MURMURING)

You know, seeing that strange robot force 12 children to do his bidding... makes me think about kids of our own.

SMITTY: You're under arrest for kidnapping and burning raccoons without a permit! It's over, Dad. It ain't over! I can't outrun a hovercopter, but I can out-bend it!

Uh-oh. Is this going to be another crazy experiment that crosses a line man was not meant to cross?

I think it's about time we drank the champagne Janos poured all those years ago. May I read the toast I was going to make? Go for it. I'm in no rush, after walking up 240 flights of steps. And across those oceans.

A robot fox? Huh. I guess I'm okay with this after all.

Who's that singing at your wedding? It's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon (WOMAN SQUEALING) Hey. Oh. Piscopo. This guy. (GASPS)

(SCREAMING) (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Take whichever one you want.

Since when are you my agent? Quiet! Call comin' in. Yes? A big endorsement deal for Leela? How much? Hey! You put a one and two zeroes in front of that, or we pass! Deal! Bender, that's great! How much did you get me? One hundred dollars.

Remarkable! A stench so foul, it's right off the funk-ometer. I daresay, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe. Ooh! Ooh! Name it after me! I think it's moving. Hmm. Perhaps the computer can calculate its trajectory.

Now look. I am not evil. My loan officer said so.

Product inspectors are bureaucrats, faceless bean-counters who blend into the woodwork. I beg to differ. Stinking bureaucrats. I hate them! Then again, you might be able to find Inspector 5 with the help of another seasoned bureaucrat.

So while they're towing us you want to do it? Yeah. Yo-ho-ho-ho!

And you are outta here!

Transmission over. Well, that went okay. I tell you-- When you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, huh?

Just a little. Not too much. Hey, guys, look what I bought on a wild impulse-- New boots.

(FRY READING) (MIMICKING GUN FIRING) (MIMICKING EXPLOSION) (LAUGHING) I am conquering Erth! Not so fast, Invader X! Here comes Delivery-Boy Man! Special deliver for Invader X! Laser eye power!

Zapp? Where are you? Oh, God, I'm actually starting to miss him. Maybe you two belong together. We do not. And you can't talk. Come on. It must be an awful temptation. Guess who just killed a woodchuck with his bare feet?

Yo, Captain Cataracts! What are we doin' here? Oh, it's 2:30! We can still catch the Early Bird Dinner Special.

Oh... uh! I'm going to open a file of whoop-ass on you!

Here, Mr. Peppy. Mmm, lovely bones. We've been walking for hours. I hope we can find our way back. Don't worry, I left a trail of bread crumbs. And I left a trail of cigars. You don't have to do this, Fry.

We take them to our leader. She know what do. A female leader?

We've simulated that on a supercomputer but the ball is just too damn gooey. A missile would go right through it. But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive precisely on the fault line between this mass of coffee grounds and this deposit of America Online floppy disks.

I just came to tell you that Zoidberg's really great. He's got male jelly coming out the wazoo. Well, that is where it comes out but jelly isn't everything.

Because... my stomach is about to explode. What? My dinner killed you? Aw, man!

You're welcome! (YAWNING) I don't trust that MacZongo. Maybe I should go keep an eye on Mr. Peppy. Don't worry about MacZongo. He and I are having brunch tomorrow. I'm thinking of wearing this.

You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools. I asked Zoidberg to kill me. What you talking about, Professor? What? Professor, have you gone mad? Probably. It's one of the symptoms of Tritonian hyper-malaria. (GASPS) You mean the incurable disease that causes fever,

Is it true that postage stamp glue is made of-- Correct! Toad mucus. There's no time for this. Activate the bomb! Wait, wait, wait. What really killed the dinosaurs?

10.77-- same as my PIN number. Hey, you don't get to laugh.

I'm just glad my fat ugly mama isn't alive to see this day. Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes.

- Hey, Zapp. - Huh?

"zero-zero-one...

And the nominees for best soft drink product placement are-- Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. They Call Me Mr. Pibb. And Snow White and the 7 UPs.

Bender's one of Planet Express's most expensive appliances.

Oh, they're all so adorable! Yeah. You know, it's times like this, I can hardly bear to let them go. Good night, you princes of Maine! You kings of New New England!

The pain and guilt are too much! I can't go on knowing what I've done! (BELCHES) (WAILING) Fry!

Ras H. Tafari! What's going on here? The ruffians smoked one of your cigars. That's not a cigar... uh, and it's not mine. Hey, Dad, bite my shiny metal ass!

"Captain, I wope he will welp our vessel." Wessel!

The whale must have some kind of Mobius colon that endlessly recycles time and space. Yep. That stands up to scrutiny. I should have listened to my crew. That space whale wasn't a monster. It was the obsession of me and others like me that made it into a monster. Mainly you.

It's coming up! Whoa, that's big! A Colossal Mouth Bass!

Of course not, stupid! I mean, that flying machine's as aerodynamic as a sofa! How could it possibly get off the ground? In a way thou shalt never discover! (ALL GASP) Hi, Animatronio. I feign death and stalk thee,

Bring in the accused. Oh, my.

They did, but then they made more! You see, once the Benders reached atomic scale, they began directly manipulating water and CO2 molecules to make alcohol.

Scoop Chang, New New York Magazine, Kosher Recipes Editor, iPad Edition.

It's the biggest jamaican platter I've ever seen! jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. Is there any meat this man can't jerk? The king crab is to die for. Look-- a tiny edible crown. What's it made of? Wood. Mmm.

Let's take a look at Billy's planet a year later. Where are all the football stars? And where are the biochemists? They're trapped, trapped in the soft, viselike grip of robot lips.

Well, lucky you don't got to decide tonight. Now, come on, we got church tomorrow. Did you hear something?

If you ever need a savior again, just ask. Oh, we will. We will!

That and the largest gold nugget in the world-- one mile in diameter. But I just downloaded her because I love you. If you love the real Lucy Liu... and not just what you've seen in movies, genre-straddling lawyer shows... and kiss-ass articles in People magazine, you'll blank out that robot.

I propose we go out on 10 dates. How about zero? Nine. Zero. Seven. Zero. Eight?

Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. (CRYING) Yep.

In fact, he's about to talk to you right now. LEELA: Oh, good. Hello, it's me, Fry. I'm drunk right now. So just leave. LEELA: (TENTATIVELY) Okay. I love you. Olive you.

Who should we unfreeze next? No. No! Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore! All right! Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome.

(PROPELLERS WHIRRING) Brother Fry, thou hast visitors.

Hey, come on! That hurt! I know.

Here, Leela. You are too cute. Perhaps. What's your point? I've never been able to put into words how I feel about you. But somewhere among these trillions of hearts, those words must already exist, and I'm gonna find them.

Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer. Okay, if everyone's finished being stupid-- I had more, but you go ahead.

'Cause that's crazy. He's a unique and beautiful object. (GASPING) The printer. Oh! I must have left the wireless connection to your folk song directory open. Everything you wrote in the song got routed straight to the 3-D printer. Big Caboose, duplicate Fry, even Cookie,

It's true. I disguised myself as a femputer... so I could rule the Amazonians. But why? Why? Why? I came here from a faraway planet, a planet ruled by a chauvinistic manputer... that was really a manbot.

I owe you ten bucks, Hermes.

But we gladly work for nothing Which is good because we don't intend to pay The elves are back to work today Hooray! We have just a couple hours to make several billion gifts And the labor isn't easy

and cut out the middleman? One of these days, Nd-Nd. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the third moon of omicron Persei 8! Mmm. This jerk's chicken is good.

Eat it or beat it. Mmm, mmm. These are great. Boys, this is your lucky day. I'm joe Gillman. Wow. You're some guy who eats at Fishy joe's? Hell, no. I am Fishy joe.

Looks like you're retaining water. That was incredible, Bender. You're like jackie Chan before he got all doughy. Oh, shucks. I wasn't afraid of that robot. I'm pretty brave once you get past my macho exterior.

I refuse to go crawling back to him. What? What are you talking about? Nothing. We just talked. So what's your problem? It's not like you slept with him. Oh, my God!

Honk! Honk! Bender, no! Fry, stay back!

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor? (CHUCKLING) (IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's with the fruity accent, ducky? Bollocks, I got it, too. (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's all the Presidents heads, then?

Wow! Free bread at a restaurant! Is there anything you can't do? I can't fail the mayor. Not ever.

You haven't heard the last of... (LINDA READING)

Oh, my God! Look what my flashlight found! (ALL GASP) DR. ZOIDBERG: A huge pyramid under New New York? What badger could've built this? And look at this intricately carved disk. It merits years of study. But how can we move such a fragile, precious...

- Keeping an eye on the safe? - You know it.

Requisition me a beat.

I'm really going to do it! Don't try and stop me! Here goes! Ohh... Hey, it worked. The static's gone.

That pig over there is wearing the same sandals as me.

Oh, shucks. (GROANS)

(SHRIEKS) JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

You fool! You foolish fool! Eh, what's the worst thing that can happen?

That new robot is great, huh? He sure made me look like a pile of crap. Indeed. That's why I bought one to help around the office.

Look, brah, you're just not gonna find a lot of hot, gigantic Omicronian babes in this solar system. There's one! Hey, cool cape. Where'd you get that? What, this old thing? I murdered my father.

(GASPS) That's me! I recognize the face. (CRY OF PAIN) You shot me! You miserable dingus! No! No! What have I will have done? Man, that's heavy. Osmium heavy. (SURPRISED CRY) Are you going to turn me in for concealing evidence?

Come on, Amy. Pick a male human already. I want to be a grandmother nine months from five minutes from now. Cut it out, Mom! I'm not interested in any of these gross, ugly losers! What about this gross, ugly, smelly loser? Fry! What you doing here?

- I'm afraid so. - What they for? Oh! You mean "snu-snu." Snu-snu. Snu-snu.

Fire! What the-- We missed!

Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, this is the one, definitely.

Well, not that shocked. I'm sorry we suspected you, Flexo. It's just, what with the beard and all-- Don't even bother. You people sicken me. I put my life on the line to guard that atom and this is how you repay me? Well, you can go rot for all I care.

That wasn't a joke. I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. Now, I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old...

Oh, thank you! Thank you, glorious masters! I--

Grab on! We're saved! Appreciate it, Guenter.

There's this girl who I really like but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me? Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court-- though there's a line this time of year. No, I need to get her a gift and I need it before sundown. Well, you can't go wrong with something traditional-- A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher.

perhaps you should query our database... concerning the night of December 31, 1999. The day I got frozen? What about it? No! Uh, uh, don't ask about that. It-it would be, uh, boring. Eh, forget it then. Query! Okay! Sheesh!

It wasn't "we, the people," it was you, the mutant. Your insightful nagging really won us over. Yeah. You explained his positions in a way even an idiot could understand. And that appealed to me, for whatever reason. Thanks, guys, but we have a lot of work ahead of us. If we're going to win the election,

I never wear boots. See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is-- My next clue came at 4:15

I got to go with Bender. Yes! In your face, Gorgak! That's it, Fry. As your captain I order you back to the ship. You are in way over your head. Gee, you think so, Captain? I'd better check with my prime minister. Stay the course, pal. Your Highness, a package came for you.

Zapp Brannigan! What makes a man turn Neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

Oh, crud. He ate my suit. The suit was ugly! Whale biologist.

You meet a lot of colorful characters. Okay, you're good to go. Get this bubba dump out of here. Okay, push "roof" and we're home free!

(BIRDS CAWING) (RUMBLING) The beast approacheth! To the beat, y'all To the beat, y'all I'm dancing a jig with my feet, y'all Bender, cut it out. People are trying to have emotions.

(ALL GASP) (SQUAWKS) Cubert is the Professor's clone, ergo, they are legally the same person. Since you dismissed the charges against Cubert, you cannot convict the Professor of these same charges! Well, I'll be a nugget's uncle. He's right!

Standing strong forever Nothing's gonna stop us now

Are you planning to make some kind of alien-human hybrid? Are you coming on to me? Hot crackers! I take exception to that! I'm not hearing a "no." Nerts to this space crab! If we want information, we'll have to do us an old-fashioned alien autopsy. Hooray!

Okay, you're on the surface. Now, I'll give you ten minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologize for being such a jerk. - Agreed? - Agreed. Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah! Crank up the radio! We're whalers on the--

You've been setting all those fires because you're addicted to glory. What? The very idea! Don't try to deny it! You're out of the squad! Out of the squad? I am the squad!

Hello! Pizza delivery for, uh... I.C. Wiener? Oh, crud.

There is only one survivor. Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies. And then the explosion struck. (CRYING) The three co-workers I liked, all dead!

One, two, three! Ooh! There it is! The pelvic splanchnic ganglion. Tickle it, then get ready for the ride of your lives.

Cut! Cut! Cut it! Pooey! I said this is a talkie, damn it! You've got to emote more! And you extras. Wave your arms and make faces. What is this? A morgue?

Oh, baby, I'm there! Fry, do you even understand the word invertebrate? Nope, but that's not the word I'm interested in. No need to pack pants, people! Let's roll! Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these while he's gone. Moron!

And, Dr. Zoidberg, it was your quick thinking... Yup.

(COBB LAUGHING MANIACALLY) I'll save you, Leela, Professor and Zoidberg. Oops!

I was just too nervous to say hello because... I love you. Oh, Kif! It Og's first time. Be gentle! Yahoo! We've got to do something. Bender, maybe you can interface with the Femputer...

She walked up to me and she aSked me to dance i asked her her name and in A dark brown Voice she said Leela l-e-e-l-a Leela lee-lee-lee lee-leela

On the bright side, I'll never see Zoidberg again. There, there, husband. I made your favorite, curried goat. It better be spicy.

There's no right way to hit a woman.

I'll find Fry's coffin, get his corpse...

Huh? He doesn't have hair. Great Little Caesar's ghost! You fools, you stupid, life-prolonging fools.

Why are you protecting Zoidberg, Professor? Do you owe him something? Is he blackmailing you somehow? What does he have on you?

That makes me feel angry!

Welcome, fans! I'm Randy, coordinator of this Tap-Dance-A-Palooza. Whoo-hoo! Randy!

You believe me about the monsters, right, Mr. Panucci? There's only three real monsters, kid-- Dracula, Blacula and Son of Kong. Now, quit picking your nose and knead that dough.

You wrecked my one chance to learn who I am. Oh, Leela, I feel terrible. If there's anything I can ever do... Gotcha. I won! I'm the greatest!

And now the part I didn't show you. Oh! Everyone will think Bender killed you, and I walk away with the goofy juice! (LAUGHING) Ah! Finally, blissful ignorance.

What! You told her, like, 140 times. Yeah, but she paid very little attention to me. Oh, Bender.

Last time I heard, you were in Barbados. Yes, and I'll be going back there with a gold medal... draped around my elegant Caribbean shoulders. Your body may be as perfectly sculpted as it was 20 years ago... when you whooped my fat ass every time we met, but today... I feel lucky.

You robots are a disgrace to this university. Whenever a fire alarm is pulled it's Robot House. Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House. Whenever a human corpse is desecrated-- Now, I can explain that.

Whoopsie-daisy.

She is not the boss of you! I am the boss of you!

(BABY SOBBING) My God! Bev just had a baby in my cup! (ALL GROANING) I know, right? I better take that. Aw! He's so cute. Wait. No, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

Wrong, Mr. Genius. Not that ceiling fan.

They think we're making out. Wait. Why aren't we making out? I don't know.

Everyone do the same thing. Initiating controlled infection. I'm no doctor, but this machine guy could use a lozenge.

Amy? But that means--

I just wanted to talk to my mom. Your mom died hundreds of years ago. Get over it! Quickly! We've got to find the tones and get out of this dream. Fine. I'll take you to the stupid pizzeria where I worked that night.

See? Eww. What smells like boot feet? This is preposterous. Obviously, the murderer is--

Whoo! Yeah! Whoa!

So is our love. Blech! We have to track down my nose... before some alien snarfs it and does the worm.

There has to be! Fine. Get going. Oh, I'm goin'. And you're gonna be all, "Where's Bender? I miss Bender." We won't know that until you leave. Oh, I'm leavin'! There's the door. I'll be good.

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. Actually, that's still true. Now that the garbage is in space, doctor perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions. With gusto.